#she is to much to handle and I'm sorry.
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@truexman liked for starter.
"aw, and here I thought you were asking me on a date." she teased a little bit. sitting across from him for a moment, she looked at him. " Though, I know what this is for. "What kind of job do you have for me~? "
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sometimes I forget that my experience has been. um. not 'your experiences are not universal' vibes but more like 'your experiences are EXTREMELY atypical'
#red said#recent events have reminded me that my life has involved like. a LOT of other people's psychosis#like not in a way where i have been Beset By Terrifying Crazies bc that's not like. a thing.#but a lot of people in my life have had a lot of really severe psychotic episodes#and i FORGET sometimes. that actually that is an Unusual Amount Of Experience With Psychosis for someone who's not#for somebody who has not really personally ever had psychotic episodes (unless severe PTSD flashbacks count)#actually i tell a lie i have maybe had One psychotic episode but because it was very situational and i knew what was happening#i was able to ride it out. because i am literally only psychotic Inside Hospitals and so that's all fine#as long as i LITERALLY NEVER HAVE TO HAVE INPATIENT CARE. Very important to me to never ever ever require surgery i think.#i can handle the amount of psychosis i get from a 1-4 hour stopoff in hospital#as long as i know I'm leaving soon then i can just Cope with the fact that the walls are moving and reality is thin#ANYWAY that's not the point the point is i forget! that most ppl i know have experience of at most a handful of severe psychotic episodes#some people i know have experienced more for sure. especially if the episodes were mostly theirs.#but people really seem to expect me to be more freaked out by their symptoms of psychosis than i am#bc i don't think i really register it as frightening unless they're in actual danger or Currently Aggressing Actually At Me#like i WORRY about them bc it can super suck but it's not SHOCKING or WEIRD#there have definitely been times ive been frightened. one time i woke up in the night and my friend was standing over me with a knife#but also like he was still HIM he was just having a moment. and as soon as i got the knife off him he just came back and broke down.#and we were fine and he was safe and i learnt the valuable lesson that even when people seem like they wanna kill you they probably don't#tbf now I'm thinking about it it's honestly a tossup whether he was there to threaten or because he felt a need to guard us#like to be clear probably don't try and take a knife off someone having a psychotic break. i was 17 and it was 3am and i knew him very well#i probably did not make the smartest call but nobody got hurt is the point#anyway you know there's that kind of psychotic episode and my granny got very violently angry a few times. buuuut you know there's also#been plenty of other times I've been with somebody having an episode and it's been chill as hell.#my ex saw and heard monsters so much that eventually she just got sick of being scared. we used to watch TV with them#i would sometimes have to sit on a bit of sofa that wasn't haunted and we might not be able to watch certain things bc they didn't like it#most of the time she was hallucinating there was absolutely nothing to worry about we just had a few extra variables#honestly of everyone i know who's had psychotic episodes or schizophrenia the amount of times it's been a material risk#is like. low single figures? maybe low double if you include self harm but idk what the cause and effect is there.#idk why you would need to be frightened like 99.99% of the time it truly is usually just Oh No That Seems Distressing For You I'm Sorry
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I don't know what kind of drugs Rose-Engine put on this particular design, because holy shit I've never been this enthralled by a character before.
#There's something about her bigness and general shape that brings me so much joy#...Expect her legs from the side view. What the hell was that#But yeah I really like how she isn't as... Curvy? Shaped?? As the other replikas#I just think it's really good for a robot girl to be kinda bulky y'know?#I would DIE for an in-depth anatomical/mechanism diagram of this particular unit type as well as the sapr#Like. What does the K on their backs stand for? Why the handles on her head???#Like I even started researching how hydraulic machines and irl animatronics work because of this single fictional robot girl#And yeah there's also their personalities and such ofc. But that's for another day#idk what I'm talking about anymore. Sorry for the yapping#signalis#mnhr#mynah signalis
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she's beauty she's grace she's Miss Eevee Cosplay 3.0
#personal#pls don't ask me why i'm up at 2am i don't wanna talk about it#anyway i think she's mostly done maybe#i did some more work on the bangs on the wig after i took these pictures so they look better#and i might try to find some flowery earrings when i go to the store for some other stuff tomorrow#but all the major things are done. i think.#honestly i'm all over the place rn so i could be forgetting something#i keep bouncing back and forth between the one million things i have to do (con and not con-related)#anyway i usually try to do a different cosplay every day of con but idk i think i'll just wear flower eevee both saturday and sunday#bc i've put so much work into it and tbh i don't think i can handle trying to get another cosplay ready rn#the only exception would be maybe doing eevee 1.0 or 2.0 bc have everything except the wigs for those ready bc of eevee 3.0#totoro is friday bc my friends and i are doing a ghibli group!!#i wish i had a different ghibli cosplay just bc i've done totoro so much but i do love totoro and she's easy and comfy so that'll be nice#sorry shutting up now i need to go to bed i have WORK TOMORROW#cries#i should start taking off the whole week of convention lol#(no i shouldn't i should just get back in the habit of getting my cosplays done early and not con crunching -.-)
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examining a seemingly normal image only to slowly realize the clear signs of AI generated art.... i know what you are... you cannot hide your true nature from me... go back where you came from... out of my sight with haste, wretched and vile husk
#BEGONE!!! *wizard beam blast leaving a black smoking crater in the middle of the tumblr dashboard*#I think another downside to everyone doing everything on phone apps on shitty tiny screens nowadays is the inability to really see details#of an image and thus its easier to share BLATANTLY fake things like.. even 'good' ai art has pretty obvious tells at this point#but especially MOST of it is not even 'good' and will have details that are clearly off or lines that dont make sense/uneven (like the imag#of a house interior and in the corner there's a cabinet and it has handles as if it has doors that open but there#are no actual doors visible. or both handles are slightly different shapes. So much stuff that looks 'normal' at first glance#but then you can clearly tell it's just added details with no intention or thought behind it. a pattern that starts and then just abruptly#doesn't go anywhere. etc. etc. )#the same thing with how YEARS ago when I followed more fashion type blogs on tumblr and 'colored hair' was a cool ''''New Thing''' instead#of being the norm now basically. and people would share photos of like ombre hair designs and stuff that were CLEARLY photoshop like#you could LITERally see the coloring outside of the lines. blurs of color that extend past the hair line to the rest of the image#or etc. But people would just share them regardless and comment like 'omg i wish I could do this to my hair!' or 'hair goallzzzz!! i#wonder what salon they went to !!' which would make me want to scream and correct them everytime ( i did not lol)#hhhhhhggh... literally view the image on anything close to a full sized screen and You Will SEe#I don't know why it's such a pet peeve of mine. I think just as always I'm obsessed with the reality and truth of things. most of the thing#that annoy me most about people are situations in which people are misinterpreting/misunderstanding how something works or having a misconc#eption about somehting thats easily provable as false or etc. etc. Even if it's harmless for some random woman on facebook to believe that#this AI generated image of a cat shaped coffee machine is actually a real product she could buy somewhere ... I still urgently#wish I could be like 'IT IS ALL AN ILLUSION. YOU SEE???? ITS NOT REALL!!!!! AAAAA' hjhjnj#Like those AI shoes that went around for a while with 1000000s of comments like 'omg LOVE these where can i get them!?' and it's like YOU#CANT!!! YOU CANT GET THEM!!! THEY DONT EXIST!!! THE EYELETS DONT EVEN LINE UP THE SHOES DONT EVEN#MATCH THE PATTERNS ARE GIBBERISH!! HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE THEY ARE NOT REAL!??!!' *sobbing in the rain like in some drama movie*#Sorry I'm a pedantic hater who loves truth and accuracy of interpretation and collecting information lol#I think moreso the lacking of context? Like for example I find the enneagram interesting but I nearly ALWAYS preface any talking about it#with ''and I know this is not scientifically accurate it's just an interesting system humans invented to classify ourselve and our traits#and I find it sociologically fascinating the same way I find religion fascinating'. If someone presented personality typing information wit#out that sort of context or was purporting that enneagram types are like 100% solid scientific truth and people should be classified by the#unquestionaingly in daily life or something then.. yeah fuck that. If these images had like disclaimers BIG in the image description somewh#re like 'this is not a real thing it's just an AI generated image I made up' then fine. I still largely disagree with the ethics behind AI#art but at least it's informed. It's the fact that people just post images w/o context or beleive a falsehood about it.. then its aAAAAAA
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One of the best Voyager scenes to indicate Tuvok & Neelix's dynamic and how I think Tuvok is just as if not more 'annoying'(positive) than Neelix is when Neelix pours Tuvok a fresh squeezed glass of a fruit juice blend and Tuvok's like (paraphrased) "I don't want to drink this." and Neelix is like "Can you please try it?" and Tuvok's like "I don't want to, you're really bad at this sort of thing. It's going to taste bad." and Neelix says that Ensign XYZ said she LOVED it, she even had a second glass! And Tuvok says Ensign XYZ could drink poison without a second thought and Neelix is like "Tuvok could you please just TRY it? Just try a little SIP of it PLEASE??" and Tuvok sighs and rolls his eyes and sniffs it before taking a sip and it turns out he loves it. Turns out it tasted good actually. And then after all that Neelix tries to talk to him over eggs (which he's again cooking fresh for him) and Tuvok tells him he doesn't wanna hear "the life history of his breakfast." Absolutely insufferable this man I would have burned his eggs on PURPOSE!!!!
#I love Neelix so much and I think he and Tuvok are very funny together - irritating4irritating#People say 'Neelix is so pushy with Tuvok!' and you know what? I think Tuvok can handle it. I think maybe he does need to be pushed -#down a flight of stairs. (he's my favorite character and he's so annoying...TUVOK!!!!!)#Tuvok: -kicking and screaming- I don't want to drink the juice!!! It's poison!!! You're trying to poison me!!!!!!!!!#Neelix: Can you please drink the juice. The fresh squeezed juice I made for you Mr. Vulcan??? Can you please???#Tuvok: Fine but if I die it's your fault. If I die from the poison you're FORCING me to drink it's on y- Oh this is delicious actually.#and don't tell me 'Neelix didn't make it SPECIFICALLY for Tuvok' bc I know he didn't but he says#'I'll start squeezing that second glass!' after Tuvok finishes his sip so he IS freshly squeezing it#Neelix: -makes Tuvok fresh squeezed juice-#Tuvok: Are you trying to poison me???#Neelix: -talks to Tuvok while making his eggs-#Tuvok: Can you be quiet???#<- TUVOK!!!!!!!! I'M GONNA KILL YOU EHHEHEHEH <3#Tuvok is the most annoying guy ever bc he doesn't care about what people think and is a snob with a lowkey superiority complex#vs Neelix is perceived as annoying (post his relationship with Kes) bc he cares a lot about being useful and helping the crew and sometimes#is too pushy because of that but listen...I think Neelix is sweet and genuinely trying his best - after the Kes plotline with him ends I#really don't find him objectionable. Just chatty & a bit overbearing maybe Meanwhile Tuvok !!!#Meanwhile Tuvok!!!!!!!!! HHEHEHHE#st voyager#star trek voyager#I think they should have done more with Neelix thinking the crew of Voyager were spoiled - specifically how Tuvok acts Like That sometimes#little lord Tuvok. oH SORRY...for DEIGNING to speak while preparing your eggs your HIGHNESS!!#I think people do a disservice to Tuvok by not talking more about how he's kind of a hardass and a snob v_v also a disservice to Janeway#indirectly bc her bestie is kind of a hardass and a snob and what does that say about her??#I also wish Neelix kept up a bit of that 'these people are crazy and also so soft oh my god shut up about the food being bad - we're trying#to SURVIVE!!! Eat the Leola Root!!' from the earlier seasons...I like when he shows he has a bit of bite#It's just funny and interesting that Janeway isn't friends with Tuvok bc he's 'not like other Vulcans' - she's friends with the most#Vulcany Vulcan ever and I love that for them.#CRIMINAL that we don't ever get any in-depth insight into their friendship#Tuvok
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your favorite character being largely disliked by both the stans and the antis is actually so devastating. where am i supposed to go
there are three main opinions about mor in this fandom:
1. she’s fine bc she’s feyre’s bestie but you don’t really care about her personally (probably bc she’s queer because the stan girlies used to LOVE mor when moriel was semi-canon. i remember. i was there)
2. she’s fine but annoying bc she ~lead azriel on~ (main opinion on the acotar subreddit). never mind that if this was true, it would be as a result of a retcon, because again, pre acowar, moriel was going to be canon. sarah made mor sapphic because we were asking for more lgbt characters. (again. i was there.) and besides, i frankly don't think it is true, because azriel is the fucking spymaster with a million chances of knowledge at his fingertips and mor spent 80% of her time at a gay bar so idk how he couldn't have fucking known?
3. or she’s the fucking worst because she was. idk. mean to nesta. you know who else was mean??? and people love that about her because it's a result of trauma, it makes her flawed and relatable? literally nesta T_T this is not anti nesta i just don’t get it.
4. she's the fucking worst because she… supposedly lied about eris? ?? i'm not even going to begin to unpack this. why y'all IMMEDIATELY take the man's side and think what he's saying is bible… i don't fucking know. learn to decenter men in your life my friend. sometimes women ARE telling the truth even if they're basic or pick mes or whatever.
mor’s traumatized as hell and definitely has as much to back up her occasional cattiness as nesta had to back up her literal life long bullying. but few people will give her a feminist reading. few people will analyze how sarah wrote her story or what that means. few people will even give her credit as a real villain. she’s just an annoying pick-me bitch and that’s the end of it.
think about the lack of grace rhysand gives nesta. think about what that might mean for mor, to whom rhys (and his friends) was a sort of savior, because her life in the hewn city was that bad that somehow dealing with rhysand is better. that was who she grew up with; that was what she was taught to see as good because at least it wasn’t keir.
not to mention that her life is shaped around her survival via her desirability to males. ESPECIALLY as a sapphic woman can you imagine what that would do to her psyche?
but no. no fan posts about her. no headcanons. nothing nada. just me and the mor week posts and the occasional obligatory stan reference bc she's part of the main cast.
i understand being annoyed bc of the double standard in canon between her and nesta's heavy drinking, but even then i see posts all the time about "i would love rhys if it weren't for the narrative's worship of him!" and none for mor because she's just a ghost. she's nothing to anybody. despite being A MAIN CHARACTER!
not to mention but like. generally positioning yourself perpetually in opposition to the paradigm rather than just having values whether they're popular or not is not a great way to go about things. i completely understand liking eris regardless of what he's done - i am a tamlin stan despite the fact that he was very well abusive in acomaf - but the fact that there are antis out there who are so convinced mor is lying, or who want sarah to write that storyline, is so digusting to me. women in groups you don't like, political sides you don't like, women you think are annoying - they still deserved to be believed. don't give into respectability politics. come on now.
#im sorry i know this is so stupid#i just like. im so tired.#i've literally loved her since acomaf came out and as much as i was upset about the way sarah handled her coming out i was sooo happy she#was sapphic bc i'm bi and she was already my fave! so like! omfg!#but there is no content out there for her and it drives me insane. i feel so lonely.#morrigan#pro mor#pro morrigan#sjm critical#anti sjm#anti eris#pro inner circle
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Ep 5!!!
#Episodes that make me go “The author has never talked with a woman ever” 😓😓😓#I don't like how Lucy's character is handled at all. And I feel like I can't talk about it because I'm just going to sound like a bitter–#ss/kk shipper... But I really don't like it. And if it can help my case I'm a multishipper so I really don't take any–#issues with atsu/lucy I like the ship quite a lot actually.#So you're telling me there's this girl... Who meets this boy who pretty much ruined her life by directly causing her to lose her job...#And the next time she sees him she's going to sacrifice her own freedom for him as well as tell him “when you're done doing your things–#come and save me” (longest ewwww ever)... And when she regains freedom (author didn't bother to explain how because they don't care)–#she goes to work... As a waitress at the café beneath his workplace. So he can keep doing his Cool Superpowers Job while she literally–#must serve him every time he visits the place. It's just ?????????????????????????????????#Look‚ I don't dislike Lucy and I feel general affection towards her. It's just that they make her act like no one ever would#Just for the sake of the plot I guess#And like I knoww it's (probably just a little) more nuanced than that. I know Lucy is living her own fairy tale fantasy.#It's just that what I've said about her story is still true‚ you know?#I'm sorry but as sweet as atsu/lucy can be. I really hate the author for making Lucy a waitress. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.#It's so weird. This anime has women writing standards that feel like dating back to the 20s#Same with Katai and the ideal woman tbh. Like why are women to be seen as this abstract impersonal entities? Why can't they just be people?#Ideal for WHO. It's like super screwed up of a concept. What even is an ideal woman? What does it mean to be a woman anyways?#They just want to say “ideal wife”. But women aren't made to be wives their existence isn't functional to another person.#Sorry. I derail. Next episode is going to be even worse on this front ughhhh#Back to the episode: once again it really shows they were running out of budget with this season‚‚‚ the animation looks very suffered#Too many flashback also... I feel bad for the animators tbh#I don't really like the shift in art style :( Not even Atsushi I found particularly pretty this episode my heart cries#The nail pulling thing made me feel like throwing up afhsjyabfsbfwasfvb I feel like I can bear worse gore but there's a couple of little–#specific things I can't stand and this seems to be one of them pffftttt#I like Higuchi I think she's both very funny and cool. I really wish she was explored more (but then again looking at Teruko... )#The relationship between Kunikida and Katai looks so interesting even though we only get glimpses of it. Kunikida regrets Katai leaving–#the ada but is also happy for him but also worries for him. He comes to his house seemingly to check on him and starts cleaning around.#The way he loves him and cherishes their friendship and shared history is really evident and it makes for a compelling dynamic.#Perhaps I should read their short story... In any case. Going to someone's house and compulsively start doing the dishes half out of will–#to help out half because he can't bear the mess sounds a lot like something I'd do lol
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it's crazy how when you really think abt it like all the teen girl characters besides maybe jazz are like all done dirty when it comes to their character writing in some way actually
#val didn't get the proper screentime she deserved and her arc shouldn't have be squeezed into less than half of the eps in the entire show#which is 5 atleast in a 53 episode show#paulina and star are completely flat characters this doesn't help in paulina's case given she's the only latina rep the show has#sam is written in way that she's now infamous for being one of the most hated characters in the fandom#bc of the way the writers wrote her character inconsistently#didn't bother to give her an ACTUAL CHARACTER ARC#despite her literally being one of the mcs#there's def smth to be said abt the way the show handled the representation of her being jewish#but like i'm not gonna touch on that too much bc i'm not jewish but yeah just wanted to mention that#anyways i literally feel like mrs.heffley in 2010s diary of wimpy kid movie#that's like rodrick is there anything you wanna say to women#and i basically need to the show to be like rodrick and say i'm sorry women specifically i'm sorry teen girls#anyways#danny phantom#robi rambles
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jane crocker... *head in my hands*
#you know i rly do not want to be one of those people who outright rejects canon only to replace it with someone much less interesting#but on the other hand i think the way she's handled in canon and post canon especially absolutely fucking sucks and i'm not afraid to say#like yeah that whole thing it's unsalveagable to me sorry#i don't want to ignore interesting character flaws by any means but uhh. UHH#anyway. goodnight
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I actually much prefer a lot of how studio VOLN is handling Blue Exorcist over A-1, I know not a popular opinion in areas and get the places people say looks off but the vibes and heart is so good? also there is a lot of amazing shots and imo calling Rin "ugly" in it is an exaggeration to me, there's some wonky shots but there's also SO MANY he looks great! I think sometimes people forget that A-1 had equally bad shots and design choices like I think a lot are looking at the older seasons through rose colored glasses personally! not to mention they ruined a lot of scenes and how they changed them/adjusted them in their adaption that to me affected characterization and making some of the cast look almost dumb in a situation the manga version shows was more serious and dire!
ultimately my view has been: I'd rather an adaption feel like the heart is in the right place and the characters feel like themselves vs everything being pretty all the time and would rather deal with a few wonky shots of characters over a bad representation of a story and characters I love! visuals are not the only thing that matters to me ever
#just my thoughts#and no this isn't to say anyone is wrong for being bothered? I get it but to me it just doesn't matter as much compared to what I like#that they are handling in this season! plus smaller studio really does make me feel they are more likely to adapt further#but yeah just my thoughts mainly everyone is free to feel how they want in the end though#no one is more or less a fan of this series based on their criticisms of an adaption! especially when it comes from a place of love#and just wanting to see a series you love get adapted and treated well when it is! so please don't take my view as an attack on anyone#that sees it differently! everyone is valid in their opinions even if I don't agree on everything!#all that matters to me is the dance with me Shiemi scene was perfect and beautiful haha#and SHIEMI LOOKS THE PRETTIEST SHE EVER HAS ANIMATED#not at all sorry to say I do not like how A1 did Shiemi's design they did my girl dirty in season 1 and season 2 something was off at times#as well! so I'm glad season 3 is treating her right! both character wise and design! plus them actually changing her kimonos and stuff YESS#she feels so much more like manga!Shiemi now and I'm happy! what my girl deserves!#grace rambles#personal
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feel trapped
#I don't like her like that anymore#I can't like her like that#she asked if we could kiss once I said sure and found out I don't have feelings for her in the way she likes me#But she's not letting me end things 😭#Then she gets all sad#Cries#And the guilt I feel is so shit#Another thing is that I can't fucking handle physical touch and she won't understand#It's her main love language and it's not even in the top of mine#There are whole weeks where I cannot be touched without feeling burnt or like I'm going to throw up or like I want to rip the skin off#My flesh my bones#But she can't fucking understand why#I've explained everything to her and she just fucking forgets#Like the shit I go through is nothing#I do still give her hugs and shit but she's all like “are you mad at me” “do you hate me” when j physically can't touch her#I've explained it to her time and time again and she just fucking forgets#And even worse they all expect me to feel OK with touch again by the end of the day#That's not how it works#Like asking me 29 times a day “are u OK with touch can I hug you” and I have to deny them every time because i don't want to vomit on them#And it makes me feel like shit for denying them#They look all upset like I've denied them a basic aspect to friendship I'm sorry it sounds rude#But it's not a necessity#Especially if you can receive that kind of affection from other members of the friend group more regularly than me#There's so much more that makes the bile rise to my throat#But I just#Feel done#I don't want to talk to any of them anymore#Especially her#It suffocates me#And i can't be around people who make me feel trapped
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okay i just finished sleep tight by jh markert and christ alive what the fuck was that. i gave it 1.75/5 on storygraph and 2 stars on goodreads bc like. girl.
so the first thing is like. the most minor thing i'm going to complain about but it definitely needed one last line by line edit. how did they fuck up the daughter's name at the end and call her julie instead of julia when julie hadn't been an established nickname for her. there were a bunch of other lines that just felt like they were repeating what we already knew or didn't need to be there like we didnt need a line saying "that tess already knew because noah had told them in the car" <- not exact idc enough to go back and look but we know. we were THERE you do not have to remind us that they know this information okay.
now onto the rest of the book. so the concept is that after serial killer posing as a priest to lure victims in is executed by the state, a cult that formed around him decides they're going to get revenge on the people who locked him up and ultimately revealed that they're going to revive him with the help of the real mastermind. which i thought the serial killer priest would have been cooler than it was but whatevs thats on me. howeverrrrrrrr one of the early chapters was from the pov of a gravedigger/grave security guy and he talks about the group he just joined but explicitly called it a cult which was so. the word cult is very loaded and high control groups do not like to use it for themselves because of that and they'll use something else like group or religion for their cult even if people on the outside are calling it a cult. have you ever met an mlm girly like come on.
the mystery itself was laid out decently enough with the eyes and not so subtle hints that were dropped but the worst part of this was the fucking weird ass attempt at portraying DID. I am going to give markert the benefit of the doubt that he was trying his best and anyone reading this review who has DID is free to comment on this but i am not under the impression that most people know when a new alter fronts and that voices don't really change especially around strangers. also other than oskar and ruth, all of noah's alters were real people and 5 of them were people who he watched die and he just took on their personalities in his head and they don't age because the people they were based on stopped aging (ie died). they talked about it like he just absorbed their souls into his headspace??? and yes they could tell when someone switched to front because of his voice and like. the fact that two of them wear glasses and will put them on to front. i might be wrong and again correct me if i am but this does not seem like how it works when systems meet strangers for the first time especially ones that get violent and upset when they cant get the alter they want to front to front.
sticking with the theme of weird insensitivities about trauma, why was fuckhead justin so insistent that tess needed to forceably relive her trauma (which was revealed at the end of the book and ngl kinda anticlimactic) to try and fill in gaps in her memory from when she was 13 because it made him upset? like dude she probably shouldn't be doing that if she doesn't want to its buried for a reason leave her alone!! and the fact that their relationship went back to business as usual after everything was so!!!!! i think they should have gotten divorced anyway there is no way this is going to work out long term sorry.
and finally i get that american police just shoot indiscriminately but killing benjamin in front of 11 young children seemed kinda unnecessary. especially when they were crowded around him and could easily have been caught in the crossfire but magically weren't and the bullets only hit ben. sorry but at least one of those kids should have had some sort of gun related injury from that if not more if you were going to kill ben.
#shay speaks#book reviews#book review#sleep tight#bookblr#also the name drop of the book was so dumb and made like 0 sense sorry#there were also like. weirdly shoehorned scenes talking about how birth control is okay actually#like i get what they were trying to do with it but it could have been handled in any other way#dont even get me started on its treatments of addicts and drug addiction#acting like the cultists were only like this bc they were hopped up on lsd and acid#as compared to the oxy our fmc was addicted to which was kinda ignored in the epilogue after she relapsed multiple times throughout the boo#it felt like satanic panic 2! and was horribly done#sorry i was excited for something interesting regarding priests and murder. whatever#made me want to retroactively give a better rating to what lies in the woods#which was arguably so much better than this was#idc that they took inspo from the slenderman stabbing anymore at least it didnt have such a contempt for its audience#and acted like we were stupid sometimes and couldnt put things together#well anyway i am caught up on my botm book stack so i am going to have to figure out what i want to bring to the lighthouse#for reading material. im reading brilliant beacons and daughter of fortune rn#either way i should make quick work of them now that i'm done with one stack for another 2 weeks or so
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I snapped today at work, and by snapped I mean I politely commented on a help desk ticket by summing up an mess of an (type of) issue that's come up for at least the fourth time in the 2+ months I've been managing user accounts, and asked the person responsible to fix it (himself for once) because last time I fixed his mess-up it took me two whole days to work out the details with at least four other colleagues from different departments and I really don't want to do it again. there's other shit that needs doing, I've been working 10+ hour days for most of this week already, so I need to cut down not add on more.
(good thing tho - at least we managed to fix the issue where the dataset of a newer employee got mixed up with another one of the same name and therefore wasn't able to apply for any of the access/accounts she needed. technically not entirely my area but it does impact us not being allowed to create an account for her so I figured I might as well track that issue down. took three days and at least three other people, but hey - it should all work out now. yay for that)
#been feeling anxious af ever since bc it's the first time I've been this firm in a reply and idk how they'll take it#there's underlying issues in inter-departmental communication that need fixing that cause these issues to happen again and again#but my boss is on parental leave and his substitute is sick not that she cares or is up for doing her job where communication is concerned#so there's no real sense in addressing that rn esp by me who's only been there since June. but it does frustrate me a lot#anyway. I'm sure I'll get over this too. but yeah.. ppl not thinking things through for the two mins it takes to create an account#or the twenty seconds it takes to check if one already exists before creating a new one#or the minute it takes to check if folks still have an active contract past their time working in your department before deleting an accoun#just jfc. put in a smidge of effort and five mins total and save the rest of us from spending half a day to fix your mistake#oh well. if I get a pissy response I'll just blame it on being new as an intern and being too motivated and idealistic I guess#god forbid I expect people to do their jobs thoroughly or with at least a singular thought..#anyway. I feel like I'm allowed to be grumpy abt this since we are the folks who end up having to fix this shit#and by we I mean pretty much mostly me at this point bc one colleague is sick atm. my boss barely has time for this and is on leave#and my other colleague only works half time so I'm the one who's been handling most of these over the past month or so#which.. is still insane considering how I'm a goddamn intern who shouldn't even have admin rights tbh#but without them I couldn't do anything at all lol so here I am. nice that they trust and believe in me I suppose#that's why I try to do my best. (who am I kidding that's always the case anyway)#but yeah. definitely a 50% staff support job and only 50% of the other important things that need doing rn it's more like 90/10#and it's funny how I still dread my two hours of hotline. but every time the line is too busy I still jump in#we are also only 6 people atm out of 10 and three of us are still in training. and one of the trained folks had to come back in mid time of#next week we'll likely be 4#depending on if our substitute boss lady is back.. not that I'd look forward to it. she's a mess and she's been horrible to deal with latel#sure. she's stressed. but she's either snapping at me when I ask abt shit I can't know yet or she's ignoring me. great basis for team work.#so honestly I'd rather she not return on Monday. esp not if she's gonna spread her germs everywhere#but now sleep. sorry for the rant. it's certainly been quite the month since I returned from my own wisdom tooth rated sick leave..#gotta be up again in 6.5 hrs so I can be at work at 6 to let the electrician in. I'm gonna sleep so hard over the weekend I stg#a day in the life of..
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fontaines archon quest is probably the first time in genshin that replaying it gives you a new context of how furina acts like its crazy...watching my oomf play when i finished and seeing furina almost on the verge on a breakdown even on the first acts when most people thought she was just the typical chuniibyou ojousama in charge...crazy.
YEAH like... god it's really crazy especially with furina's initial approach at trying to be the archon like... What could have been her own way of doing it if the crowd hadn't immediately shot down her attempt at being genuine . Like how different that was from the way she had to act for the following 500 years... Man.🧍♂️
#asks#anonymous#they really have come a long way from the first few arcs#like. mondstadt was clearly a prelude and liyue was funny enough but neither of them was especially emotionally impactful#inazuma sucked ass beyond belief sorry.#sumeru was better to me like the deal with nahida and rukkhadevata was interesting and i liked dottore cameo and like#at least it felt like all the characters involved like. had a purpose and knew each other#because a lot of what bothered me about inazuma was also like how disjointed the cast felt and how superfluous like half of the cast was#like the resistance was so fucking pointless they didn't do anything and i didn't give a fuck about the random npc soldier either#while like... at least dunyarzad in sumeru was more interesting and they handled the theme of like...#terminal illness and chronic illness decently enough#in inazuma i legit wws like who the fuck is this again whenever teppei showed up and the story acted like we were supposed to know him#while like#I'm sooo glad that in fontaine they focused mainly on the playable cast and made them have interesting dynamics amongst each other#AND made them also like. all be present during furina's trial (except wrio and sigewinne i guess but like. that's fine. their deal IS that#they're a bit isolated from the outside world)#or i mean ig sigewinne did show up but she hsrdly said much#like sorry idk why both in inazuma and sumeru they tried to stick a random npc in there tyat we were supposed to get attached to for no#reason. instead of giving more development to the playable characters? and as i said i didn't even mine dunyarzad much because at least#she had like. a purpose in the story.#anyway sorry that i put my longer response in the tag instead of the actual post#ALSO. this gives me high hopes for snezhnaya. god please please be good I've been hyped about genshin russia since i got into the game#I'm not even thinking about natlan I'm scared it's gonna be racist again#anyway.#bye
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is anyone going to talk about the blatant antonio/bassanio/portia parallels in the andrei/goncharov/katya dynamic and how scorsese literally said in interviews that he wanted certain scenes to have a shakespearean feel to them or do i have to write the meta myself
#i mean it's not an exact match obviously. portia my detested katya the love of my life#BUT LIKE. THERE ARE PARALLELS. THE REALIZATION THAT YOUR HUSBAND IS AND HAS ALWAYS BEEN MORE DEVOTED TO SOMEONE ELSE THAN HE IS TO YOU#but the realization coming too late when your lives are already too intertwined to be able to just leave#and so her taking things into her own hands. following her husband into that dangerous world even when he probably wouldn't want her to#even when he almost certainly wouldn't do the same for her and she KNOWS it because she SEES where his true loyalties lie. AND YET!!!!#also fuck antonio lives but he really is so andrei in some ways#the repressed emotion of it all. trying so hard to keep it together around goncharov but the facade finally cracking#that post about andrei seeing himself as a hunted animal is literally so antonio i can't handle it#also i know we're all enjoying this movie for its homoeroticism and it's not nearly as bad as merchant in its politics#but we should still talk about the fact that some of it is Not Great#wrote this post instead of doing my homework. sorry i'm having too much fun#goncharov#unreality
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