#she is logically thinking things through
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Say what you want about the old animated Barbie movies, but they understood the feminine genius.
#y'all the 12 dancing princesses#ābig or small there is a difference only you can makeā#the gentleness of genevieve#barbie's ability to think relationally is always what saves the day#which is one of woman's most important natural gifts#barbie is never strong arming things#she is logically thinking things through#seeing the big picture#relying on her friends#bringing people together#bridging gaps#nurturing#the feminine genius#the one true myth#theology of the body#barbie#old barbie movies#mattel
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what up iāve been obsessed with would you fall in love with me again like every other person on the planet and i canāt stop thinking about penelopeās final verse
sheās so angry; angry that odysseus would dare to suggest that her love for him has faltered or his actions were enough to destroy it. sheās been waiting, working her fingers raw unweaving her shroud every night, not sleeping as the suitors camp inside her home; every day a threat to her and her son, to her kingdom if an unworthy man - and they are all unworthy - should take the throne. she knew they wouldnāt wait forever, that at some point her deception would be realised; her dedication to her husband means she is at constant risk and the first thing odysseus does when he sees her - if this even is him - is question her love for him?
the very first thing he says (other than her name) is, āi am not the man you fell in love with.ā penelope asks him if itās really him standing there or if sheās ādreaming once moreā. once more. sheās felt the cruelty of hope before; has looked at her doorway and seen odysseus the same as when he left (which is probably partly why sheās so shocked by how he actually looks) and felt unfathomable pain when her hopes were dashed over and over again. she asks if he is really her odysseus and he says no
yes, in his mind, odysseus canāt see how he can deserve her love after everything heās done - the atrocities heās committed, to himself he isnāt the same man, āi see a man who gets to make it home alive, but itās no longer youā - but all penelope hears is her husband, the man she loves and waited for, doubts the strength of her love
penelope asks what kind of things heās done and it must be shocking to hear; his actions so different from the man who left her behind even if he did them in name of returning to her. but when she asks him to move the bed, itās as much a challenge as it is a test. sheās asking him to prove that he is the monster he claims to be; that if heās changed so much and become so heartless, he should have no qualms about ripping the symbol of their love from its roots. and itās also her only way of actually determining if this man who claims to be her husband yet doesnāt take her in his arms, is actually him
ājust a moment of labour would bring me some peaceā - if he does what she asks, then she will know either heās changed so much that heās no longer her odysseus or heās another fake and was never hers to begin with; that her husband didnāt just stand in front of her and claim she canāt love him as he is. but sheās done. she was already willing to die when she stood behind the twelve axes she challenged the suitors to shoot through. sheās so tired. she just wants it all to be over
āonly my husband knew that, so i guess that makes him youā - i guess. even after telling her something only odysseus and her knew, penelopeās still not convinced that itās truly him. how many men came to her door claiming to be her long lost husband, banking on time and distance to dull memory of his face and voice, on her longing and desperation for odysseus to blind her into believing them?
but if this is her husband? if the man sheās loved through decades of absence has finally returned to her?
āi will fall in love with you over and over againā - an exhausted promise, the core of who penelope is and how she feels; assuaging his doubts and his own clear pain
but
āno matter how long itās been, youāre mine. donāt tell me youāre not the same person, youāre always my husbandā - penelope is screaming at him; how dare odysseus say this to her? dismiss her love and her suffering? he saw the men outside, heās smart enough to know what they were here for and instead of apologising for being gone for so long, instead of begging for forgiveness for inadvertently putting her and their son at risk, instead of embracing her and putting an end to her torment, odysseus doubts her
āand iāve been waiting, waitingā - the tone shift of penelope screaming at him to lamenting how long sheās been waiting is heartbreaking; itās quieter as she gets lost in the pain of her grief, her anger failing as she recalls the memories of her long years of solitude. odysseus tries to call her back with his gentle āpenelopeā - such a contrast to his own exhausted anger at being asked to destroy their marital bed now that he understands why she asked that of him - but she canāt hear him; sheās too trapped in the memories. he tries again, still gentle but more insistent, and this time she does hear him and her anger comes rushing back along with her grief. her āwaiting, waiting,ā becomes almost accusatory; sheās been alone for so long and itās bc of him, bc he wasnāt there, bc he left her waiting
that abrupt āohā at the end of the verse isnāt just a vocalisation; in that moment, sheās realising that she has realised that he truly is odysseus. she knew it was him before she even processed it. she wouldnāt be this angry if he were anyone else; love and grief and anger coalescing in one single divine moment where penelope finally believes her odysseus has returned to her
āfor youā - sheās been waiting and waiting, years turning to dust, her sleepless nights and days spent living in fear and preemptive grief- and it was all for him. odysseus is actually here. which means her waiting is over
āhow long has it been?ā
ā20 yearsā
āi- i love youā
#disclaimer maybe that ive never read the odyssey but this is more of a song analysis than anything else#and yall know how much i love my analysis#penelope has every right to be angry at odysseus even if it wasnt his fault for being gone so long#logic doesnt trump emotion#she will forgive him - of course she will she loves him too much - but she deserves her anger and grief and blame#20 years of being left alone to raise their son and rule their kingdom#3 years of not sleeping to unweave her shroud and hold off the suitors#i cant imagine how exhausted she must be#and the first thing his husband does upon his return is doubt if she can still love him? after all that?#id throw hands penelope a better person than me on god#she couldve stooped to his level; couldve become ruthless and denied odysseus to protect herself from the pain of forgiveness#but her love for him is stronger than the pain she felt without him#this is purely from penelopes pov by the way i know odysseus was kinda justified in asking#but still#dude think it through#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#talk meta to me#ruthlessness is mercy upon ourselves#meta#epic the ithaca saga#epic the musical#epic odysseus#epic penelope#the epic saga#epic saga#jorge rivera herrans#the odyssey#the ithaca saga#penelope of ithaca#odysseus
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(leans into the mic) my ideal team 7 dynamic is one where Uchiha Sasuke, former terrorist who has tried to kill his teammates multiple times and was such an edgelord he likely practiced his one-liners in front of a mirror ends up, somehow, being the voice of reason on his team.
#chia rambles#naruto#thinking of Mr there is a man I have to kill going uh. lets not do that#meanwhile Naruto and sakura supposedly less unhinged shinobi going ok wouldnāt it be funny ifā¦#unhinged naruto unhinged sakura and just as unhinged but slightly more logical sasuke my beloved#let!! sakura!! be!! the chaotic creature she yearns to be!#kakashiās like sakura my favorite student the light of my eyes. what are you doing with that chair#sakura: :))))#kakashi: please donāt#i want to see these three just. fucking around post canon#(boruto doesnāt exist sorry)#bullying kakashi and strolling through the nations as these unstoppable forces of nature#team 7 naruto#team 7#narusasusaku#kinda. because one thing about me is Iāll always ship them TOGETHER#do NOT separate
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a happy-go-lucky darling who also happens to possess a lust for blood... being a magical girl gives her the best of both worlds!
#dandy's doodles#magical girl#magical girl oc#an incredibly rough sketch just to get the idea down :)#for a while now i've wanted a character who unabashedly went around murdering people! so here she is!#lala is very kind but she also has the constant urge to maim and kill#as a magical girl she just picks random people and kills them with her heavenly chainsaw#and people assume she'd only kill people who deserved it - cuz she's a magical girl after all - so nobody cares#(the logic isn't really meant to be parsed through... morally or otherwise lol)#there's no real story here. there are no consequences to any of this or anything#it's just fun to imagine the horribly gory scenes lala would get herself into...#and yes there is a link between her smiley motif and mine :) though i promise i am not a murderous magical girl :)#a funny thing... i just read watchmen and there's this recurring symbol of the comedian's smiley face pin with a spot of blood on it#and i wasn't thinking about that at all when designing lala but she has smiley faces on her chainsaw and ribbon...#...and you'd imagine those smiley faces would get plenty bloody!#anyway i should probably go to bed. enjoy my little pookie
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So...what do we think of the way lab rats handled Taylor's disability? Personally, I think they did a decent job narratively. They steered away from "this is a sci-fi type of show so we can just 'fix' the disability". The visor Douglas made for her basically functions like a cane would, except its more compact and on her face, but all it does is tell her when an obstacle is in front of her...like a cane would. She's still blind. That doesn't go away. Taylor goes on missions again as the hero she is, even with her disability. She's disabled and she can go on missions.
I say narratively because there were a few comments about "a newbie, a quitter and a blind girl!" and with how Leo wanted the doctors to "fix it", but as far as Leo's comments go, he mostly felt guilty about his actions altering her way of life forever, which it did.
Seriously, what do we think? I'm not physically disabled myself, but I'm taking a class where we talk about this stuff and I was reminded of this Taylor plotline recently. I've been thinking about this all day.
#technically i do have a disability but its adhd and i don't usually think of it as a disability even tho it is#but i'm not all that qualified to talk about physical disabilities#i just find it interesting that lab rats chose this route#bc they could have used the cliche trope in scifi and had taylor's vision be restored by the end of the two parter through some BS science#but they followed through and kept it in AND let her continue to be badass#which i think was pretty cool of them#the enhanced spatial awareness isn't as high tech as it sounds bc its just vibrating when it senses an obstacle#but its also a good accommodation for missions and training when she needs her hands free#so they added tech but not to āfix itā. just to help her navigate the world WITH her disability#lab rats#taylor krane#disability#blindness#it also helps that she had enhanced bionic senses already#IN ADDITION i find it interesting that they went the āfix it with bionicsā route TWICE for leo but not for taylor. narratively I mean#logically eyes are more difficult to fix than limbs since there are much finer parts and functions involved#rebuilding that would be more difficult than building things in like with chase. chase's bionic eye likely uses some of chase's original#eye function. his eyesight wasn't recreated from scratch#but from a writing perspective they could have given her different damage that could be āfixedā with bionics but they didn't
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I think it's fun that different characters give a different time period for how long Rook was in the Fade Prison. Both because everyone's perception of time is different (and gets weird when you add grief to the mix) and because it means we can headcanon how long it took each specific Rook to get out of there based on how well we think they'd have managed their regrets
#Reblog with how long you think your Rook was stuck in the Fade Prison lol#I think Asha is getting out Fast because she is both logical and emotionally intelligent. She's the one in there for just a few days#maybe a week; just because the Fade is confusing#Whereas Cassia is taking at least the first week just to get up the will to even try. It takes her at least a month to get through this.#My girl has Regretsā¢#And she has a lifetime of practice running from feeling them that she has to overcome#Veilguard spoilers#Cassia Mercar#Asha de Riva#It would be pretty hard for Lyric too. She's so used to hiding behind masks that it's hard for her to be real even when she's alone.#but it's also hard to perform without an audience. It takes her a while to even figure out how to respond. I'll say 2-3 weeks#Valrun probably takes a bit to just get their bearings so I'm going to give them 1 week#When Val does finally face things though they have an easier time of it than Cassia. Working through their regrets is healing for Valrun.#It feels like torture for Cassia.#Lyric de Riva#Valrun Ingellvar
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(Ignore me I just gotta scream a bit before I lose my mind entirely)
#It's always 'do deep breathing' or 'go to therapy' or 'think it through logically'#and nobody ever acknowledges that all that shit works only to a point when the problem is an anxiety disorder#and not general life anxiety#and I cant fucking sleep because I'm worrying about dumb shit that is not my responsibility and over which I have no control#and this is me years in therapy#very calm breathing#having made a list#been medicated. The whole fucking thing.#But I'm still anxious and I don't know what else I'm supposed to DO anymore#And I'm TIRED but the only thing that keeps me calm is totally engaging my brain in something#which does not allow me to fall asleep.#and ill say to my mom like. ugh im so anxious its bothering me#and she tells me i need to address changing my medication#and im like yeah mom thats great and im gonna do that in a month when i go to the doctor for my prescription#but in this exact moment. future changes to my meds is not particularly helpful or comforting.#and i know im fucking reassurance seeking which im not supposed to do cause thats ocd#but god i just feel like i need someone to back me up here or like#idfk gimme a hug or something#anyways vent over im gonna play sudoku until i pass out#personal#vent#anxiety#general anxiety disorder#mental illness#not yr
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[ TRANSCRIPTION: I don't understand I don't understand I don't understand Why did you leave me, Marcy? We were supposed to be together forever. Is it true that you're an angel now? ]
#OF MONSTERS AND MEN: musings.#JOURNALING: a snapshot into barton's mind.#yeah uhhh... this is one of those darker pages in his journal. but not THE darkest#i kinddd of wanted to give you guys limited context as to what this page is about but let me just say it has to do with marcy. so yeah...#barton was REALLY going through it whenever she died NGL#i mean barton has never been a very religious man buttt he honestly liked to think that marcy was in a 'better place'#though that doesn't mean that he didn't want her back... to the point where he would draw her as an angel and... well š« #TELL her he needed her to come back even though logically she would probably never see this page as wherever she may be#it is far away from here. but Barton pretty much almosttt had a psychotic break after she died and that had fueled him to draw some PRETTY-#... interesting thing's to say the least. but ahahhh i know that this one might've been slightly jumpscare-y though i-#hope that y'all still liked it!!#YOUR NEED GREW TEETH: character study.#tw: religious imagery.#tw: slight gore.
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funniest thing that ever happened when we were playing botw was my sister was playing and she had made it up to the top of the tower in hyrule field (the one surrounded by guardians) and was looking down at the guardians through a slot in the like railing and i was like "you should shoot the guardian" because i thought they were out of range and so she shot the guardian in the eye with an arrow and it came alive and immediately hit link with a laser and link instantly died ragdolled and fell through the slot and miphas grace activated and my sister immediately teleported away while mipha was still doing her thing. and i was just laughing so hard.
#its just the image of link limply falling to the ground miphas ghost around him then turning into tendrils of blue light. i wish i had#filmed it. but there was no way i couldve predicted it would happen i was living in the moment#after i finish minish cap i will finish botw it has been over a year...im sorry daruk i left you hanging (when we stopped i had just entere#vah rudania)#though i might do naboris first bc . i dont want to fight thunderblight last when it has even more hp thats scary.#(weve already done vah ruta and vah medoh)#its kind funny in totk i got like all of the towers right away (although the one on mt lanayru was a struggle bc#i did not have enough cold protective stuff but i was just scaling the mountain out of pure spite)#one of the gerudo desert ones i also didnt have any heat protection so i was just trying to do the thing while link was just taking damage#anyways but in totk i got all the towers i think b4 we did any main quest stuff but then in botw#there were some towers that i just. i tried but i didnt get until i had revalis gale lol. shout out revalis gale.#anyways speaking of funny things in botw totk the other day i was playing totk and i was#i put link in a christmas outfit (dyed the rito shirt and pants and the cap of the wild red)#and made a sled to attach to my horse so link could be santa. and i was trying to make it to rito village#but the bridge on the map was smaller in real life than it looked on the map and the horse refused to walk on it but i kept trying to force#him to inch forward to try and make it across. and then my horse CLIPPED THROUGH the bridge and started FREE FALLING#and in a panic i teleported straight back to the stable and took out another horse as fast as i could. the horse was fine but i did#go to malanya and cook him some food to upgrade my horse immediately afterwards lol#botw lowkey traumatized me bc when i was playing twilight princess i did not use epona as much as i could because i was afraid of bringing#her into danger. and even though i logically knew that she cannot die in twilight princess the years of playing botw still had alarm bells#ringing. but like why do the horses have to die in botw totk...come on...#they dont even disappear the corpse just stays there to let you stew in your guilt!! like the livestock on farms and in stables#cant get hurt! so why can your horses :(
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Tbh the whole metal sonic having a hedgehog oc thing is honestly so good. Yes. The murder robot also deserves the joy of dressing up as a character she made. Reminds me of those sonic ocs that edgy kids used to make that were basically just like. emoer amy rose or something. And I mean that with the most love in the world cause i was one of them kids. He is kinda just an edgy kid too. They deseve the freedom
She literally is my emoer Amy Rose from when I was like nine she is just also in universe Metal Sonic's emoer Amy Rose. (her outfit is actually very vaguely meant to resemble classic amy's since like, metal cares about like three or four people enough to remember them by name and amy is one of them bc, yāknow, sonic cd, she considers amy one of the few living things that was useful to her bc she used her as bait she is in universe literally designed after amy rose bc metal was trying to exploit sonic's heroism for like literally two minutes until they started bantering.)
#In the timeline I have set out Metal Sonic would be around 14-ish mentally at the time so yeah very much an edgy kid#like he's a pretty horrible person who enjoys people's suffering at that point but like. itās kind of literally all she knows lol#they also kinda can't really Have the same set of morals as anyone else bc they think in a fundamentally different way#like its whole perception of reality is based around it having one specific purpose in life that it canāt change#everything is filtered through hir need to be superior and to destroy sonic#she's not an inherently evil being but she has very warped views on the world and a perspective thatās pretty alien#and very often unpalatable bc itās defined by violence superiority obsession and obedience#but that doesnāt mean he canāt care for people or do good things it just means he normally approaches them in odd ways#usually through 'helping people makes me better at being the true sonic'#or 'these organic beings are useful and therefore it is logical to help them'#or sometimes just flat out boredom#coming into the world with a singular predefined goal fucks you up mentally basically#can u tell Iāve been thinking about them for like a decade
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you know what? i'm gonna say it. i miss being seventeen. not for the "glory days," bc they weren't, by a country mile lol. if i had glory days i'd say they were in 2020. but i miss the electricity, the constant undercurrent of euphoria and deep plunging black. i miss the fight i had. i was literally known for being scrappy. i was self-destructive and coping poorly, but goddamn if i didn't burn bright and long. it took me until my twenties to finally start to fizzle out. does the candle with its wax melted down to the base of its glass cage miss when the wick was lit?
#she bork#it's not even that i'm tired of fighting necessarily. clearly. if i was i wouldn't miss it. i think i miss being ABLE to fight. now i just#don't feel like i have the grit i used to have. i'm not sure if it's bc i'm healthier mentally or bc my energy has just dissipated over time#but i miss taking hit after hit (metaphorically) and wiping the blood from my lip and standing again and raising my fists. i don't do that#anymore. and again even if it's bc i'm healthier i'm not sure it's a good thing that that stubbornness and grit is gone. is it automatically#better to seek the path of least resistance? i'm not sure.#maybe it's learned helplessness? idk i mean logically one person can only suffer so much before they learn it's better not to fight or that#fighting isn't even always possible. but i've always struggled. i've always gone head-first into these things and white-knuckled it and made#it through even if only w self-violence (which was often remarked upon as self-discipline). now i feel like i just flounder and flop and cry#like a fish w a wailing voice on the dock as it loses its breath. i really do think it's partially bc i'm sane now but somewhere inside me#that crazy flame still dances. and ik that bc from time to time i still feel the heat against the sides of the glass. maybe it's a lack of#confidence. maybe it's that ik now that it's impossible to hate yourself into a different better shape (both physically and mentally). but#it was so exciting to try. if i'm miserable regardless i'd at least rather be having fun.#furthermore it could also be that my chaos is no longer external. a lot of what i have going on is internal/physical and it's a daily thing.#fighting daily is a lot harder than fighting through my shitty relationship or that one season of volleyball that destroyed me mentally lol#(ik that sounds ridiculous but it was pretty fucking bad). i'm no longer fighting against other people or external circumstances that i feel#a need to prove myself against. i'm fighting my own body which has proven a tougher match than anticipated. bc how can i? i live here. i#cannot will my body to function. i can swim against the currents of my illness and often do. but that's less glamorous than punching walls#and running for miles like i used to. i want to break a hand. i want to run three miles in half an hour. i want to doll myself up for a#dance and spend the whole night driving w the windows down strung out on a cocktail of cortisol and dopamine. i want to live in the eye of#the hurricane again. and i never will. and it's good but i think it's made me soft.
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#huntclaire#i was going to reblog this from the source but i didn't want to ramble in their mentions. this will be long#i've been thinking about this post for some days now and i couldn't write why it fit huntclaire so well but i think i can now#i like huntclaire because i do believe they bring out the best of each other but mostly. they bring out the worst of each other#<- and i think that's good. for their (eventual) relationship and for their individual characters#i think before hunt and claire can have a relationship they need to engage with each other in a sincere way. and they do not do that.#they are incapable of that. they're both stuck in their ideas of themselves/each other that they are simply blind to the reality of things#they are both... extremely flawed human beings. as we all are. but they're too self-important to realise that. which is another flaw#hunt thinks His arrogance is a virtue (delusional). claire thinks she's humble (also delusional).#both are very fond of pointing flaws in other people while being unaware of their own. they cannot TALK with each other as long as they#think like this. hunt needs to get over himself and claire needs to know herself#i must make you aware of things you do not see. unsure if it's meant to be taken just in a positive sense but i'm user wesposting#it's good when your partner challenges your idea of things. and i think these are two individuals that need to be constantly challenged#hunt needs someone to tell him to his face that he's kind of a dick sometimes. and claire needs someone to point out the flaws in her logic#they need to be questioned challenged they need to stop and think about themselves. they need to be wrong. only then they can be sincere#they need to be wrong and wrong again and then again. conflict between them is what moves them forward as characters#most of all they annoy each other so much because they see so much of themselves in one another. but acknowledging that is uncomfortable#it's uncomfortable to know yourself through the other#claire's case is interesting because she feels a ucs. Need to make hunt like her. but she's terribly unaware of what makes her unlikeable#<- she's fallen for her own faƧade. she needs to stop and dig through her bugs.#alsolol i like how both of them are hypocritical. i think it's fun when characters have double standards. i think they suck. but i like the#anyway i must make you aware of the things you do not see. there's things about each other that they also do not see. at first#when they are sincere. when they. Talk. hunt learns claire is not That brash and she can be very insightful when she wants to. does she kno#that? and like i Guess hunt can be caring sometimes even if he's like totally annoying and weird about it. whatever. does he know that?#the artist sees good and bad. they must also see the good and the bad in each other. i think.
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if i might bitch about work for a second: yesterday was hellishly bad despite being able to keep up with it and i found out that apparently our department made 4600 dollars yesterday which is making me angry beyond belieffffffff
#this is math i do fairly often bc i enjoy ho-hum math and hate my job and like#even if we took off 2000 bucks for overhead costs which feels excessive but i will concede it#that would be enough to pay everyone working a little over 860 dollars which is 300 more than what i make in a WEEK#literally WHEREEEEE IS IT WHERE IS IT GOING WHERE IS IT#i dont like following this logic through because on days where there are fewer orders we;d do less#and i disagree with gig work's implementation as ive seen it and i think that would stress people out worse than we already are#(which is significantly)#but at the same time. 850 dollars. i cant afford to buy groceries this week. 850 dollars...#can i get a BONUS or SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#it makes me soooo angry i was talking to one of the deli guys who asked for a raise and got denied mid-question#before our director accidentally showed him that their department is four thousand of gods own dollars under labor#its so revolting to me i talk to so many people in this store who are terrified because of medical bills or rent or car shit#half my department works two jobs just to get by and ALL OF THEM drive junkers#honestly one of the things thats scaring me about if i actually move out is that i do rely on...living with my mom#i pay for most of my own food i pay an absurd amount of rent to share a room with her but she's willing to drive me to work#even though i've offered to walk multiple times and she REALLY should prioritize her own time more#but at the same time...not having to pay for rides has been carrying me hard#if i got a car i'd be fucked because those things bleed money and generally ethically i disagree with cars#but if i dont its like okay pony up the money learn to navigate buses (except for sunday when they dont run) or get ready#to walk to your job where you walk all day and then walk home in the dark#which. i love walking. and listening to music on my own while walking. so bad example. but i also love not having my feet hurt#all the time always no matter what im doing which is something im becoming increasingly unfamiliar with#its like. ultimately. something's gonna get fucked no matter what#and then i hear a figure like 4600 and i remember how avoidable all of this shit is. how avoidable it is for ANY of us#our ceo is gonna walk away from this merger attempt with 5 billion dollars in safety-cushion money#the 10 top execs beneath him with 1 billion#and its just so. what can you even do. 5 billion. can a number like that even mean anything? how could you possibly need that much#850 dollars would be a lifechanging amount of money for me right now and im not even one of the worst off#its just. god. this world could be anything but what it is but its this and for what
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i think when it comes to fiction there's an important distinction to be made between approaching with in-world logic and out-world logic. and out-world logic is all well and good, because you can examine the text from a different angle and explore some of the issues that it doesn't address, and sometimes the nitpicky stuff is genuinely fun and silly!! except most of the time you can't use out-world logic on every aspect of the story because then it stops making any sense. and sometimes i think fandom needs a better grasp of this concept
#ari shouts into the void#i'm putting this in the tags bc it's a very specific example#but take mr. forkle in kotlc and his relationship with sophie#in-world he's an important mentor figure who's trying to help the elven world through raising and guiding a leader#yet nevertheless ultimately wants her to be happy#but with out-world logic if you look at the responsibility she's been given at such a young age and the way he destroyed her chance at#a normal life it offers a lens through which themes of the child savior and pressure and trauma and raising a lamb for the slaughter#can be explored. so neither interpretation is inherently wrong#i think they both have a place in online spaces#problem with this post is i am assuming people will understand what i mean by the terms in-world and out-world#assumptions are a dangerous thing on the ol' hellsite
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mark ur calendars today was the day i forgave maiev shadowsong
#tag rant :)#this is such a shocker but i didnt like her until... just now?#i think it was because so many ppl shipped her with illidan and that always deeply bothered me. it still does#sorry if you like it-actually no im not literally why would you ship that. why.#i get my rivals to lovers kicks elsewhere#so anyways#like i was sitting here and was like 'why do i hate her i need to grow up.'#then i did!#i realized hating her because 'she was a shit person' makes no fucking sense because#it was under the same logic of what happened to sylvanas and if anything i just want justice for her character arc#so why not justice for maiev as well? i think they went through similar things#she literally has one of the best designs in the entire franchise#if not the best. because holy shit it's just that good imo#and her vibes are just very refreshing for the series she just brings that PASSION and ENERGY#this is my redemption arc#shes absolutely nothing like integra but maybe she is to me now. i love women who slash things and are going to GET YOU#some of yall simp real fucking crazy tho. stay safe im not at that level of meatriding yet.#warcraft#maiev shadowsong#my art
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hey siri how do I stop feeling gutwrenchingly anxious in the guilt way for using the treatment methods available to me to not be in constant misery
#starlight personal#itās very bizarre to have my life going objectively well - work is good! personal life is good! family is good!#and still be very mentally ill and feel like Iām faking it even though I know damn well I aināt scream-sobbing every couple of days alone in#my apartment for attention because What Attention??? my cat????? Bug is never moved by my tears she cares only for string and wires#like I know that cannabis has been immensely helpful to getting me to fucking sleep on a regular schedule and thatās integral to -#my functioning and I know that having emergency klonopin in the event of a total breakout is helpful#and I KNOW that my PMDD and depression and anxiety are very treatment resistant and ketamine is the only thing thatās provided any -#meaningful relief and logically I know Iām not abusing any of these#Iām getting a promotion at work I still go out to see friends regularly I have hobbies I have a girlfriend (??? Wild right)#like clearly these things are working because iām better now than i was for years leading up to now#SO LIKE. DONāT STOP USING THE THINGS THAT HELP. LOGICALLY THIS MEANS THESE ARE GOOD FOR ME#I always roll my eyes when ppl go off their meds b/c theyāre feeling better like babes thatās what the meds are meant to do#if you stop taking them you stop feeling better - but itās REALLY HARD to get past the cultural conditioning#the feeling that ābut I can white knuckle my way through this I can force myself to live withoutā like WHY BITCH#WE DONāT HAVE TO LIVE WITHOUT#AND ALSO. WEāRE STILL GENERALLY MISERABLE BRO. EVEN WITH OUR LIFE IN A BETTER PLACE!!!#DO YOU NOT THINK THIS MEANS THAT WE SHOULD USE WHAT WE KNOW WORKS TO BE LESS MISERABLE#basically itās really hard to not feel like a loser when the only things that help are āfunā drugs like weed and psychedelics#I feel like Iām being a hedonistic reprobate which 1) is actually kinda cool now that I wrote it out#2) @ myself were not a good enough liar-faker that every medical professional we see wouldnāt pick up on that if that was our motivation#time to remind myself that itās arrogant to think I could trick many trained professionals without actively trying tbh#that generally helps me get out of my self-pitying āohhhhh Iām awful and lazy and bad and abusing substancesā spiral#to be very mentally ill on main it is weirdly reassuring to be like ājust as my fanon interpretation of obi wan kinda hates himself but is -#practical enough to take care of himself even when it makes him cringe and want to scratch his face off; I too am aware that self-care is -#radical and punk and In Fact Necessary to beat back the dark and live in the light with hope so yes even though I doubt and -#feel squiggly and guilty about it Iām not going to NOT prioritize my health and well-being b/c self-hatred and self-denial benefits no oneā#thank you inner obi wan i love projecting my issues onto you mwah mwah mwah smooches for my favorite boy!!!!!#and smooches for me Iām going to be proud of myself gosh darn it even if I have to fake it at first#see I wouldnāt be able to be nice to myself like this if I hadnāt been doing ketamine treatment for a year IT WORKS BRO KEEP IT UP#SCHEDULE THE DAMN APPOINTMENT AND CLEAN YOUR BONG
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