#she is legitimately such a kind person
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aria montgomery deserved better 2kforever like. in these first two seasons, her relationship with ezra is hard to watch (in more ways than one! i sometimes find myself rooting for them not to get caught, largely because i like and have sympathy for aria but also because the actors do genuinely have good chemistry. but then i remember how fucked up it is! that’s why the romanticization of this relationship was so dangerous!) - anyway. it was hard to watch and messy but she also had like. other things in her story that at least made her feel like a more fleshed out character. and i always see people saying things about how she’s not as kind as she acts like but she literally shows so much empathy to. most people. and her role as a psuedo caretaker/fixer in her family is so nuanced and interesting and informs a lot of how she interacts with ezra (she feels like she’s been forced into a more adult role, so she courts this adult ‘romance’. ugh.) and it legitimately could have been a nuanced and interesting story about family dynamics and the pressure on teenage girls in their roles in family and how that can be connected to grooming if it had been written that way but!!!!
anyway her story just becomes more and more entangled with Only Being About Ezra from what i remember. which is one of the reasons people kept theorizing about her being A but. i just see it as isolation (not total, she is obviously still very close with her friends, but there is a sort of disconnect.) and then they get MARRIED????? she deserved better for real.
#pretty little liars#aria montgomery#she is legitimately such a kind person#like. i know the WHOLE dynamiv witg jenna is complicated and the lying wasn’t great#but trying to tell her how her pottery looked in an emotional moment?#picking glass out of emily’s hair?#snarking on those sports guys when they were making fun of hanna at lucky leon’s#promising she’s not mad at spencer and giving her the worlds softest hug?#i love her!#she deserved to write and take photos and drink coffee and get a loving partner and not end up with her groomer!!!!#even it was like. s4 when they broke up bc of the book reveal#and stayed broken up#that still would have been better than nothing#anti ezra fitz#anti ezria#grooming mention //#ask to tag //#also her family did not deal with it the right way at all#i understand they were Concerned - as they should have been!#but i always see their s2 hailed as like. the appropriate reaction#but they literally treat her like a criminal like she is just as bad as him#they are more focused on being angry than protecting her especially byron#i just. ugh.#(okay that’s an oversimplification. they are trying to protect her. but the WAY they are doing it is driving her right back into their arms)
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I know that this brainfart is like a "well fucking duh" moment given that Barrett wilbert weed originated both musical Veronica and Janis, but like,,,auli'i cravalho could make for a good musical movie veronica and I mean that genuinely
#like i have legitimate reasons WFKDKD#first being that she has movie and musical cred and also who would dare speak evil on moana#and two being (and this is a hot take dont kill me) that um i actually liked her singing a lot more as janis...#like the belting had a lot more solid base#though i wish the movie kept the original key for id rather be me because like thats moana she can do the original key#and third being: in an interview for mean girls i believe she said that she can pull off a dead girl walking cover#and i need her to follow up on that#aND 4TH BEING: okay my complaint with recent iterations of veronica is that they are too nice which to me dulls down some of the themes#bww's take was a good mix between a kinder veronica who still has a ryder's snarky backbone with initially shaky morals#and i hundred percent believe that auli'i could do that too#and also yea she can also portray the kind vulnerability angle added to the new iterations of veronica ala I Say No#(even if i personally believe that um that moment doesnt really fit the show or veronica but um yea what can ya do)#(auli'i can pull it off either way)#so anyways yea#auli'i cravalho#heathers musical#heathers#veronica sawyer#mean girls#mean girls musical#janis sarkisian
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Rakha enters the Counting House's high security vault on a balcony overlooking the main floor. It's an enormous room but mostly empty except for three people standing around a single chest at its center - a dwarf in a fine silk tunic and two guards armored like the ones upstairs.
No sign of Minsc. Jaheira has described him and he is definitely not any of these people.
"It's still... moving..." one of the guards quavers nervously, looking at the chest with an expression of deep anxiety.
Rakha's head tilts to one side and she squints. The chest gives an almost imperceptible twitch.
"Hush your fussing," the dwarf says irritably, pulling a pipe from his pocket and sticking it into his mouth. "Nine-Fingers had this one made especially. That little mouthful will barely slow it down."
(A/N: "Made"? This line raises a lot of questions about mimic biology and reproduction. Also, one of Glitterbeard's guards has Hector's face with an undercut and no beard, but the right eye color more or less, which is amusing me.)
"But the stories..." The guard wrings her hands.
"Stories," the dwarf scoffs. "Tall tales and big names." He pokes his pipe at the other guard, who is looking at his comrade anxiously. "Don't let them fool you, lad. Elminster the archmage. Drizzt the drow exlie. Heroes have power, aye - but not half so much as we do." He flicks his fingers, and Rakha watches with mild interest as fire flares up around his fingers, with which he lights his pipe before inhaling a mouthful of smoke.
"A little coin in the right purse," he murmurs pensively. "A soft word in the right ear. It's not glory that spins these planes, lad. It's gold. See? Now--"
He breaks off abruptly. The chest has given another distinct twitch, and this time its accompanied by a low, moaning growl that sets the hair standing up on the back of Rakha's neck.
She has only a moment to process what's happening, but it's long enough. She's seen this before, a creature disguising itself as a chest - in Grymforge, and in Moonrise Towers. A mimic, Wyll called it. A creature that is mouth and teeth and tongue and very little else, and would have swallowed her whole if she'd let it.
Extrapolation flick-flicks through Rakha's brain like lightning. The visitor logs said Minsc was here only minutes ago, led here by Glitterbeard, the bank's manager. Nine-Fingers said she instructed that he be killed. Jaheira has described Minsc as a behemoth, dangerously violent, and with his own streak of madness to match Rakha's.
There are only so many ways to safely kill such a man. One of them, Rakha imagines, is having him swallowed by a mimic.
Mmmm... whispers the beast in her brain. Too quick. Too clean. No mess left behind to show the deed was done. And yet... perhaps not so easy as they think...
The mimic gives another low moan, its whole body spasming and the eyes embedded in its "wood" flesh opening wide. And then a fist explodes outward from between its teeth.
Blood spatters across the ground. The scent fills Rakha's nose and her vision goes white at the corners. She grips the balcony railing, struggling to regain control, and watches in astonishment as a huge, muscular form uncurls itself from within the mimic's body, ripping its jaw upward with a sickening crack.
The mimic screams and shudders to stillness, its tongue lolling out along the stone floor. Minsc - for certainly this is Minsc - straightens up, his eyes bright with rage as he glares down at the dwarf.
"There is no gold in here!" he bellows, pointing at the dead mimic. With a grunt, he lifts the whole creature up by its tongue and hurls it aside.
"If there is one thing Minsc hates more than beasts with bad breath," he growls. "It is those who are tricksome with the truth."
His head cocks to one side, and then he smiles, showing all of his teeth. "And turnips. But you are no turnip! Let that be a comfort to you in your final moments!"
At Rakha's side, Jaheira laughs suddenly - a sound Rakha has never heard from her before. Every muscle in her body has relaxed with sudden visible relief and her eyes have brightened as she steps forward eagerly. "Meet Minsc!" she says cheerfully. "He still seems very much himself to me."
Rakha grunts. The smell of blood from the eviscerated mimic is still plucking angrily at the strings of her brain, and it is taking most of her available effort to retain control of herself. If this is Minsc, Jaheira can handle the reunion without her.
(Part of her is intrigued, attentive. Just as she has been led to believe, she can already see something of herself in this huge behemoth of a man - the rage and edge of madness in his eyes. The brute force ripping and tearing of flesh and teeth. But there will be time to understand that when she can breathe again.)
Let Jaheira reveal herself.
Jaheira steps forward, letting her boots click loudly against the marble of the floor. Minsc stiffens at once, turning to look up - and his eyes widen, seeing her face.
"You..." he hisses.
There is something strange in his eyes - it does not look like happy recognition. Surely Jaheira sees it too - but just as surely, she doesn't want to. Her smile takes on a forced quality. "Stone Lord?" she calls down teasingly. "Better to call yourself Stone-Head."
(A/N: For once when I say in my writing that there's a long silence, I actually mean it - there was a good fifteen seconds of Jaheira and Minsc just staring at each other with Minsc looking increasingly puzzled. XD )
A long silence passes, during which Minsc's expression shows his inward struggle to parse what Jaheira has said. Then his expression goes very dark, his eyes narrowing to slits. "Your false face does not fool my eyes!" he roars. "I will cut until you look like the monster you are!"
The words resonate inside Rakha's head. The beast keens eagerly. Yes, cut, cut, cut... spill her blood, spill all their blood, rip out their throats and then we shall rip out yours, Minsc of Rashemen--
Jaheira's brief moment of relief has vanished. She has gone utterly still and a muscle is working in her jaw. "Somehow you are making even less sense than usual," she says hoarsely.
And then a voice, all too familiar, echoes across the vault. "Perhaps I can explain!"
It's Jaheira's voice.
And at the far end of the room stands... Jaheira. Or someone who looks like her, at least. Her skin shimmers with the lingering Weave-ripples of the teleportation spell they have seen before, the one used by the Absolutists and the nautiloid. She raises one eyebrow, her lips curled in an unpleasant smirk.
Understanding once again cracks through Rakha like a whip. A shapeshifter - one of Orin's doppelgangers, this time wearing Jaheira's face. But not quite her manner; the smirk is too hard, too cold, and her voice rasps with a disdain that, even in the worst moments, Rakha has never seen from her companion.
"The Stone Lord sees through your lies, shapeshifter!" she barks up at Jaheira. Her voice rings like a bell in the high-ceilinged room. "Count yourself lucky he cannot stay." She turns the sharp edge of her glare down towards the dwarf next to the dead mimic. "Nine-Fingers set a poor trap, little banker. Let the Absolute's faithful show you how it is done."
The Weave rocks. From every corner of the room, figures with weapons and spiked armor shiver out of the dark. Absolutists. Bhaalists. Rakha's staves are out in her hands before she has fully registered what is happening.
"Now come, Stone Lord!" the imposter barks. "We have the gold - and the Absolute has need of it elsewhere."
For a long moment, Minsc does not move, just looks up at Jaheira - the true Jaheira - with narrowed eyes. Then he turns. "As you say, Jaheira," he rumbles. Crossing the room with a few enormous strides, he moves to the imposter's side.
The imposter's smirk widens. And then there's another flash of dark energy, and they're gone, and the cultists begin to close ranks on all sides.
Jaheira has gone very pale with fury and alarm. She pulls her scimitars free, but there is no time for her to do anything but watch as her friend disappears in the Absolutists' company.
"Stlarning shapechangers!" she roars, almost matching Minsc in thunderous volume despite her smaller frame. "Enough - let us deal with these cultists, then find out where they are nesting!"
#bjk plays bg3 durge#rakha the dark urge#miiiiiiiiiinsc#i love his entrance so much#kills me how upsetting this must be for jaheira though :(#i'm really excited for Rakha to get to know Minsc properly#i legitimately think she will kind of see him as a role model#that she can be reckless and violent and a little bit off-kilter and mad#which are all (for better or for worse) part of her fundamental identity - the only one left to her#and still be a good person#she's already started to register aspects of this with aylin and minsc will help solidify it#the mental health journey parallels continue XD#not to get too in the weeds on the metaphor but i remember being oddly scared to really interrogate my own OCD at first#because for better or for worse it was my brain and that was how it worked and in a way my identity was tied into it#and so there has definitely been an aspect of learning that it can be treated and redirected and understood#without changing who i am underneath it or the ways it's shaped me#(i know i know this is just a goofy scene with minsc crawling out of a mimic but here i am rambling anyway XD )
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i get it. i really do. i know jay is sexist. especially in s1. but it’s so obviously an intentional choice that the writers know is a bad thing to be. they were trying to do a sokka. obviously it didn’t work but authorial intent does still matter
#he’s a teenage boy in 2012 that’s what they were like. it was intentional. his whole relationship with nya in s1 is a suki thing NOT#a legitimately hating women thing.#that confessions blog is causing just the right kind of discourse to torment me#also. half the people saying skybound is sexist do not actually remember skybound#their criticisms are so wildly off it’s clear you haven’t seen it recently#if you’re going to critique it at least do it accurately#ninjago is not a great show yes but it’s legitimately harmful sexist is a lot more subtle than#when it’s blatantly making a joke of people who are sexist. it can be both#like pixel not being treated like a person beyond her relationship with zane to the point that no one else mentions her for four whole#seasons where she is alive and present. that’s an accidental sexism. on the part of the authors#jay making a joke about saving a hot girl in the pilots? that’s a fucking character trait. it was set up#FUCK I JUST REALIZED WHY NO ONE CONNECTS THAT ITS INTENTIONAL. YALL DIDNT WATCH THE SHORTS#THE SHORTS ARE SO FUCKING CANON AND THEY CAME OUT AT THE SAME TIME#YOU THINK THEY WERE MAKING JAY SEXIST BC THEYRE SEXIST BC YOU DIDNT SEE THE BLACKSMITH SHORT.#THE WHOLE JOKE IS THAT HES TRYING TO BE FULL OF MACHISMO WHILE SHES THE ONE WHO KICKS ASS
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Hiii you’re actually not that far away from reality with morning star = sun, bc in Rome where Luciferus was an incarnation of Venus it was “the first star” on the horizon, right before the sun outshines it. Lucifer is our beautiful darling ☀️
Your art is so good thank you for the food ❤️����🫡
hiii! bfdkjbg ugh i know there were reasons why it is Venus and i would not be miffed about it if not for the fact that the sun is right there. i will be deranged in the tags.
and aaaaah thank you kindly!!!!! ❤️🥹i love drawing these fuckers so i'm so glad you like the art <3
#i will not actually be deranged i will be reasonable haha. anyway it's not any legitimate thing that upsets me#it's just i sat up straight one evening because my brain was like ''hmm lucifer. light bringer. dawn bringer. morning star. is heTHE SUN???#then i hit google to see and google was like nah bitch youre dead wrong and i had thought i was soo clever figuwing it owt all on my own uw#so then it got personal. 'no' i said. 'no ancient greco-romans i will Not heed your venus for i am correct in my soul' lmao anyway#what annoys me is that the Sun fits EVERY SINGLE ONE of those monikers much fuckin better!!!#like literally!! light bringer? that's the sun. dawn bringer? same fucking thing the dawn is inherently linked to the rising of the sun. s-#-sun's the one that Brings the Dawn.#MORNING STAR? look at those 2 words and call me stupid but tHAT'S LITERALLY THE SUN AGAIN INNIT. yeah?#and oh yes i will be petty on top of it: venus isn't even a star it's a planet! [insert the shrek dental meme here]#okay i said i'd be reasonable at first and then i seem to have gone all SHE WORE A CROWN AND SHE CAME DOWN IN A BUBBLE DOUG haha oops#im fully aware im beefing with people from thousands of years ago#BUT ANYWAY THANKS FOR UR KIND WORDS ANON ILY <3
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context for what "maybe" means in the tags
#personal#when I say maybe. I mean the strongest maybe in the world#I am probably thinking about this more than I need to but I am so so scared#context incoming#so I work at a pizza place. and most nights it's just me and my boss so I answer a lot a lot of phone calls#and listen I think I have very good customer service and a good phone voice. I have very clear pronunciation and am good at talking#anyways I took an order for someone who's ordered maybe once or twice and she said her husband was coming to pick it up. she was super nice#and she had a weird request that I helped her with and she seemed thankful for that. anyways#her husband comes to pick it up and I ring him up at the front counter and he asks if I was the one on the phone. I say yes that was me#and for even further context I often get people who come in and ask oh was that you on the phone you were so nice you were so kind etc#but this guy goes listen. my wife and I own a dental practice. and if you're ever looking for a job you would be a great candidate#and I was like OMG thank you that's so kind I appreciate that and he goes no no I'm serious. I interview a lot of people. look us up#then he tipped me $5. then as he took his pizza he told me once again to look them up.#is that a legitimate job offer? or is that just a hypotheticical. I don't want to call and seem like an idiot#but also I've been looking for a way out of food service lately and this would be a great one. a Monday through Friday 9:00 to 5:00 job#I just don't want to call and seem dumb or desperate I don't know but also if I don't call I will never know and I'll think about it forever
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beyond figuring out what an oc's actual title would be, I think it is fun to determine what title pieces they'd be drawn to using... How they'd describe themselves, what they think is funny. Sometimes along the way you find out who would use the head suffix for nefarious purposes.
#prince talks#Eight's selection has a lot of title pieces about nature... about being someone who is loved... of being fairly happy#She's also got like. Retro vintage arcade-hopping dance machine. Cuttlegear model.#And of course '[person she's legitimately close to and knows in real life] fan'#Three's selection is relatively brief. she has a few things talking up her abilities but then she's also got like. dead tired.#She'd make her title part-time part timer. it would amuse her greatly#she is the most willing to use titles that are a little less positive. reckless. procrastinating. So-Called.#but also unyielding. unwavering. dutiful. I think her main title would be The One and Only Agent 3#(which gets funny considering. Leo. but they both kind of think of him as Neo Agent Three (separate thing from Agent 3))#so it doesn't register to him. or to Three. Also to be fair to Three she IS the one who is using Three as a name.#Artie talks themself up a lot and also has a sense of humor. they use things that are funny to them.#They also have a lot of Dualie related titles. And Marie fan (<-knows her personally).#oh fuck they could make low-tide inkantation... they would (<-tide goes out/tidal rush is VERY important to their story mode)#(arguably even moreso than the calamari inkantation . because something something splatoon song magic power of music)#Leo has by far the least titles and most of his are dead factual. He does describe himself as both little and new a lot
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Same anon again- hearing your reasoning helps a lot, thank you. It helps to understand its a (unfortunately for bramblestar, funny) critique of a personality trait rather then connecting intelligence to morals. Thank you for explaining your thought process and for being civil about it < 3
No problem!! I'm glad it helped!
#This is why kindness is super important#90% of the time when I get a concern like this it's legitimate and just meeting it with good faith is the easy solution#If you keep an eye on Stumptail and Billystorm you'll see my intention to very much make sure most unintelligent characters are good people#And for cats like Tangleburr who are unintelligent but also villains it's not the unintelligence that makes her a bad person#Though it is part of her and factors into how she makes her choices. Heart-first.#But the vast majority of my villains are explicitly quite intelligent or JUST average-intelligence.#bone babble
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sorry, halsey — hopeless fountain kingdom.
#ALL POWER DEMANDS PAIN AND SACRIFICE: musings.#NO SLEEP OF THE INNOCENT. NOT FOR YOU: character study.#it kind of surprises me just how much content there is out there about being afraid of intimacy but then again-#i have heard that that is supposedly one of the most common fears that people have apparently. so yeahhh but of course i do mean emotional-#intimacy here and oh my goshhh. i never realized just how sad parts of this song were until i listened to it again.#'i run away when thing's are good and never really understood the way you laid your eyes on me in ways that no one ever could#i hate to say it BUT that is so misao. she really does feel sooo unlovable sometimes and she has this 'leave them before they leave you'-#mentality that is so saddening to have TBH but i understand why she has it. her childhood kind of left her broken in a way i think-#in ways that can't be easily explained as it was very nuanced and complicated. but GAHHH that doesn't stop me from wanting misao-#to find at least some kind of love from people 😭 like she needs at least one friend or something that she can depend on bc i feel like-#that would really help her and being in a house alone all the time whenever she's not at work can not be good for her psyche.#so petition to get misao a friend or two? JSJSJ nahhh but i am legitimately being serious at this point#she needs someone who'll stick with her through thick and thin and will be understanding of the fact that she's got unresolved trauma so-#that partially causes her to be hyperindependent but i firmly believe that she needs people just as much as anyone else.#maybe more in fact but IDK#and the fact that in this song halsey says that she still knows facts about them even though she hasn't talked to them-#in forever? i'm WEEPING AHHH#that is so like misao as well sadly. she would literally take little notes as to what thing's people like to reference later if she had a-#friend because she 'doesn't want to get it wrong' whenever she gets them a present she says but it's really so that she doesn't forget-#how precious this person is to her and how she wrote down all of their favorite things as a result.
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the thing about warrior cats that bothers me the most is that there are so many writing decisions that COULD be really interesting but i know the authors probably didnt mean it in that interesting way so instead i just get disappointed over and over again
#rot.txt#like sunbeam actually liking nightheart IS a problem for me but it could be interesting#in the way that shes grasping for companionship after blazefire and legitimately thinks he came to shadowclan for her#when in reality shes just an excuse for him a method to get away#but thats! not how its going to play out! and we know it. theyre endgame. and i hate it#there are actually a lot of things about nightheart that i think if improved on would make him actually tolerable#for one i think the pelt color thing should have been more subtle instead of his Whole Thing#also making firestar more of a mythic and revered figure so this pressure to be more like him doesnt come out of nowhere#personally i kind of think sunbeam and nightheart could be nixed entirely#just to focus on frostpaw. i think the isolation of one main character would drive home the “starless clan” thing#idk if that makes sense but it does to me#i DO really really like sunbeam though. i think shes so normal and funny.#also i have NOT read thunder yet im still getting through the slog that is shadow
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i am in shock……
#my mom has actually been cutting down on beer#and she’s been drinking since the age of fourteen#she still smokes menthols like a fumigator but she’s trying to change something#it would be more worrying if she was coming off heavy beer but it’s natty lite#or as i call it….. nasty lite#anyway i’m legitimately surprised because she’s a day-drinker#she’ll drink a beer right as she wakes up at like two in the morning#but lately????? things are different#me and my dad will have to keep an eye on her for her safety but i’m….. almost kind of impressed#she’s been drinking a lot of iced tea instead which is nice#my dad replaced his beer habit with flavored sparkling water#so i’m glad that they’re at the very least getting hydrated#the thing that surprises me is that she’s really resistant to personal change/improvement so this is wild to me
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#personal#god i tell people i'm okay and then a day later i'm in bed crying because my sister gave me £100 as a late birthday present#like???#i guess it's just weird because like i legitimately thought she forgot???#esp since i last saw her at christmas when i literally left the dinner to get away from her#so when my bday passed i was just like aight i feel like shit anyway and we'd just end up arguing so it's probably better she's not here#(she's but also been busy moving house but like. in the least organised manner possible. probably a contributing factor.)#so today when i go downstairs and my mum gives me £100 passed on from my sister and earnestly tells me i need to thank her for it i'm just?#??????#like a) dont fucking treat me like a child#and b) dont give me something just out of obligation????#i know she's all rich now because she made a profit selling her old house but i'd literally rather have like a text or something on the day#than a three week old 'oh btw here you are' kind of thing#does that make sense????#negative //
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6 and 22 for Ari!
Ari interview hours 2k23, tyty :D!
6. What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do?
Ari blinks. Blinks again, just a bit too fast. "I had to get Lifa back to the Citadel. Pol was already gone, and..." She shakes her head and growls a little in frustration--the sort of frustration one has when attempting to prevent emotional overflow and on the verge of failing. "Couldn't get them all. Save who you can save, I guess, huh?"
22. What’s the easiest way to flirt with you?
Ari looks confused for a second, then shrugs. "Well, if this question is you trying to flirt--don't know who told you I was available, but they lied. Shoot your shot somewhere else."
Cio, who's fiddling with a gyro at a desk nearby, looks up and grins wide. She puts her tools down, cocks her head to the side, and crosses her arms. "Can't believe you're not answering that--what if I wanted tips?"
Ari turns to look at her, her mouth curling slowly into a matching smile. "You think you need tips, Sparks? Really?"
Cio shrugs, grin even wider now. "Would you like to give me some?"
(Sensing that they're about to be far too distracted to talk with you further, you leave quickly, feeling like the question was simultaneously not answered and answered completely.)
#gw2#ari stormshield#cioffi#ciari#catmanderratmander#thanks a bunch for the ask! :D#the answer to the last question in part is 'be cio' asljkdf#but honestly--best ways to flirt with ari: a) banter of some kind if you're close enough to her for that to be something she's comfy with#b) fully do the 'legolas and gimli in lotr' thing of competing in number of enemies defeated in combat; or things along those lines#c) be cio (lol)--but legitimately this because cio's absolutely the only person she'd ever flirt with and has been for a While#and for the first question--ari managed to get a shield around herself and lifa (and pol's body) during the whole weylon betrayal thing#brook and casca were captured and she couldn't do anything to reach them because she was holding the shield#and lifa wouldn't have been a match for all the flame legion around on her own#so ari made the decision to get out of there and lifa listened to her#didn't have to be dragged; ari was legionnaire. lifa listened.#and lifa later then blamed ari for everything rather than blaming weylon and the two of them split apart--lifa stayed with the legions and#ari ended up with the OoW and then the pact#fun times!
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the tradwife movement is the same as it has always been - back in the kitchen, back to breeding - it just has better branding.
when i was younger, i hated pink. i was not like other girls. this is now something i'm embarrassed of - this was not me being a "girl's girl."
but it was expressing something many of us felt at the time: i literally wasn't what girlhood was supposed to be. this is a hard thing to explain, but you know when you're not performing girlhood correctly. it isn't as easy as "i liked x when girls liked y" - because there were other girls that liked x, too - but i never figured out exactly the correct way to like x, or to be interested in y.
now there is the divine feminine. this is the same rhetoric it has always been: women are biologically driven to like pink and ribbons and submitting to our husbands.
the problem is that the patriarchy found a better PR team. because yes, actually, i want every woman to have the choice to be a homemaker. i also want her taken seriously for her legitimate home-making labor. i want her to be recognized as also having a job, just unpaid. i want men to have this opportunity, too.
but it is no longer "i made this choice and I love it." instead it is a sixteen-paragraph rant about how selfish it is that my generation isn't having kids. instead it's long videos about how if you feed your children processed foods, you're going to kill them. instead it is "this is what womanhood is supposed to be. i feel bad for any other choices you're making."
the shame spiral is just prettier. it is large houses devoid of personality. it is the implication: if you don't have this, you aren't happy. the solid, everlasting assurance: women are actually supposed to be submitting. this is the default. this is the natural state of things. all other attempts inflict suffering.
but you can no longer say i'm not like other girls. you can no longer reject this image completely. you cannot find it revolting, even if you know that the underbelly is toxic and festering. sure, it is the same repackaged patriarchy. but the internet does not have shades of grey. you should support and reward other women! your disgust is actually internalized misogyny. not because you are seeing a vision of yourself the way they're trying to train you to be. not because you feel her ghost pass within an inch of your earlobe. not because your father will eventually ask you - why can't you be like her?
because they figured out how to make it beautiful: women will sell other women on this idea, and we will find the singular loophole in feminism. sure, she's shaming you in most of her videos. sure, she implies that a different life is obscene. but she just wants you to be happy! you'd be happier if you were listening!
and the whole time you're sitting there thinking: i'd actually just be happier if i had that kind of money.
#spilled ink#writeblr#warm up#this is an incredibly difficult idea to express#but i basically keep watching the same timelooped interaction:#someone makes tradwife content where she's like ''i think it's SO sad when ppl don't have kids EW''#and then the response is ''... go fuck yourself? i think ur life is miserable and bad ?"#and instead of being like ''oh we are all under capitalism huh''#the response is like ''you CANT say that. she made a CHOICE. she is ALLOWED to have KIDS and be HAPPY#unlike YOU who is UNHAPPY bc you don't have KIDS.''#like .... these are people who will throw the first stone. and then when you lob one back#they ask why you're so violent. they tell you that you're a bad activist.#and you're like. PARDON????? you implied being a woman meant i need to submit to my husband???#and they're like - well it's just my belief. so what if i'm invalidating your entire identity.
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how happy can you really be when you’re reading paragraphs upon paragraphs of people against your very existence whenever you log on is my question
#currently thinking about a tr@ns blogger i used to follow who’s now just like. an open tr@nsph0be#but is also still tr@ns themselves#who openly gleefully follows several t3rfs while seemingly being annoyed at other people thinking she is one#like i dunno. i’m not trying to overstep in any direction here but it seems like a crazy way to live#i also. struggle to believe a lot of the anecdotes you share about how offputting irl tr@ns people find you are all the way true#like you expect me to believe you sit around online with this rancid attitude toward other tr@ns people#but the only reason they’re put off by you is that you ‘don’t use weird pronouns’? there is def. something being misinterpreted or omitted#i never knew this person personally so i don’t know why i’m thinking so much ab this it’p just strikes me as depressing#even if they legitimately do seem happier than they used to in the most bizarre way possible. it feels kind of morbid to watch happen#i don’t think it really translates to them being correct about any of the shit they say#the thing about getting absurdly into giant @ce discourse blogs from back in the day is that all of those folks turned out to be lunatics
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#all I wanna do is talk to my bestie but his wife has been going through his phone when he’s asleep and targeting me for messaging him too#much for some reason so now I’m concerned that she’ll read anything I send and I feel like I have to police everything#and I want to just call him but that’s even more noticeable and I don’t want to cause tension for him or have her dislike me even more#or God forbid answer the phone on his behalf because tbh I don’t think I could hold my tongue at that point#never even met the woman yet she has some kind of issue with me all of a sudden as if he and I haven’t been besties for a year now#we talk all the time and I’m always sending him memes and other nonsense and it’s never been a problem but now she’s sneaking around behind#his back to go through his phone and even texted me a reply to a message I’d sent him which is just creepy and weird#it’s like she’s trying to scare me off but I’m not even close to a threat cause like I’m literally gay I don’t want mans at all#and bestie said he’d talk to her about all this but everything is still up in the air and I can’t do anything to solve the problem or fix#things and it’s driving me fucking insane and literally giving me anxiety so bad that it’s making me physically sick and idk what the fuck#to do about any of it at this point#like I told him if she wants to just meet me I’d love to be able to talk to her and sort this out before it becomes a worse issue but#it would appear that that’s not going to happen or at least not right now and it sucks#so I’m trying desperately to let it go and hold off on texting or calling him and just pretend like everything is fine but it’s fucking#eating me alive and all I want is to call him and talk to him about this and then have things go back to normal but I fucking can’t and I’m#sick over it legitimately#why can’t I just have normal friendships? something always gotta go bad and turn into drama and I’m getting damn sick of it#personal
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