#she guessed that he's connected to alan somehow

[celestiachan]

wait holy fuck

does victim even know that chosen is her baby brother

[dcu-rarepair]

Day 2 Gifts

Eight more amazing gifts for Day 2! Head to the Collection to check them out, and view the Release Schedule to see what’s in store!

We also have a handy Commenting Guide to help our Giftees with showing their Giftors some love. And now, here’s today’s works: 

I Will Not Love You (But I Can, Somehow) for syrennetim

Dick Grayson/Jean-Paul Valley Rated T, No Archive Warnings Enemies to Lover, Jean-Paul as Batman Dick hates Jean-Paul. The only problem with that is that he loves him too. Or, Azrael murders someone and Dick helps Jean-Paul cover up his crimes.

Black, White and Red for Murmeloni

Harvey Dent/Jason Todd Rated G, No Archive Warnings Art

Call Me Hot (Not Pretty) for Shenanigans

Cissie King-Jones/Cassie Sandsmark (Young Justice Universe) Rated G, No Archive Warnings First Kiss, Gay Panic, Getting Together Cassie’s day had been anything but quiet and uneventful – it hadn’t even been eventful in the Young Justice way, just the Wonder Girl way, so subduing the sea monster on the docks had been entirely up to her. So, once she’d finished dealing with all that, one would really think her beloved team members may understand that she was exhausted and achy and not moving from her position on the couch for at least the next century, but no. Apparently not. Or; Fellas, is it gay to lovingly cradle your best friend’s face while you help them get something out of their eye

carve your name into my arm for FleetSparrow

Clark Kent/Selina Kyle Rated M, No Archive Warnings Trans Clark Kent, BDSM The thing is, Selina knows how to read people. She knows what they want and more importantly, she knows when they're lying to her. And that's the thing about this unassuming nerd hunched on her couch; he is lying to her. And he is dangerous. But he doesn't feel like a threat.

And Alan Makes Three for BookofOdym

Sanderson Hawkins/Henry King Jr, Henry King Jr/Alan Scott, Henry King Jr/Sanderson Hawkins/Alan Scott Rated E, No Archive Warnings Voyeurism, Light Dom/Sub Hank is dating Sandy. Hank is sleeping with Alan. When Sandy catches Alan and Hank together, Alan takes it upon himself to teach Sandy just how to fuck a twunk like Hank properly.

Lightning Rod for dxncingquxxr

Dick Grayson/Roy Harper/Wally West Rated T, No Archive Warnings Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Divergence Wally, lost in the Speed Force, watches as his boyfriends have drifted apart more than they ever had before. He needs them together to escape, but he's unsure if this timeline will allow it. Really, he should learn that he has unending faith in his partners for a reason. - Rebirth but Dick/Roy/Wally and also only about them

Genesis 2:23 for TaxiCabToOwTown

Kon-El | Conner Kent/Lex Luthor Rated T, Warning for Underage Omegaverse, Dubious Science Most alphas would probably chafe at working under another alpha, instincts bristling at the perceived submission. Mercy doesn't care--everyone in Metropolis has Mr Luthor's boot on their throat, she might as well get paid handsomely for it. She could do without watching Mr Luthor throw scent at Superman and have it just slide off and Superman's poorly acted responses, but she guesses that's how they ended up here, in this subterranean lab.

Where the Light Shines Through for Ferox

John Constantine/Bruce Wayne Rated E, No Archive Warnings BDSM, Haunting Batman gives Constantine a severe look. “I asked you to meet me for your magical expertise. If you're too compromised to work, I’ll ask someone else.” “I'm fine. It's just a mild Drop. Which I tried to fix, by the way, but unfortunately it's impossible to get decent coke in your town. You should really lay off those poor, hardworking cartels. Anyway—” John crushes the butt of his cigarette under his heel, “—you said your friend needed help?” “Not my friend. A League benefactor.” Ha. John is smart enough to connect the dots. “Bruce Wayne’s got ghosts? Shocker.”

[maboroshi-no]

Hello

I been wondering how do you think it would change everybody if katarina got separeted from them for a long time.

I mean not like when sora kipnapped her but one where they completely in the dark about her dissaperence.

I think they divide in 2 groups the ones that are hurting themselfs

Hmm... If Katarina has disappeared for a long time and they are completely in the dark about the circumstances of her disappearance? Like, if Katarina had been silently deleted from the Fortune Lover's world or if she had somehow returned to modern Japan?

I guess at first everyone would do whatever they could to find her, but I guess your question is about when they have exhausted all the clues?

Hmm... It is difficult to imagine as I can't picture the gang giving up on Katarina, but I guess there is a point where they need to move on?

If a long time has passed, I think they would all go on with their lives as best as they could all while keeping investigating Katarina's disappearance on the background.

I think Geordo would remain single as I don't think he would search for another fiancée. He might even surrender his royal status to be free to continue Katarina's investigation on his own at full time.

I don't think Keith would ask Luigi and Millidiana to free him from his duty as the Claes' heir to search for Katarina. But at the same time, I can't imagine Keith giving up if there is a slim chance that Katarina needs him somewhere. So I don't know how it would go for Keith. I don't think Luigi and Millidiana would want to force the Claes' heir duties to Keith if he gets unhappy from it. But at the same time I wonder if they can prepare another heir just in case? Keith wouldn't want to give up on Katarina, but at the same time he also would like to repay his debt to Luigi and Millidiana? ...I really don't know how it would go...

I guess Maria, Raphael and Sora would keep the investigations on the background using the information they can gather from the Ministry.

I think Mary would be pretty down but she would refuse to give up and be on the lookout of any lead she could get from her connections.

I think Alan and Nicol would move on while silently hoping Katarina is well.

I think Sophia would get upset that Nicol would give up on Katarina, but she would feel powerless since she can't do anything. I wonder if she would shut herself again or assist Mary however she can.

This really is a hard whatif... 😅

[the-kipsabian]

just throwing together some misc alan wake 2 thoughts now that ive slept and had coffee after finishing the game. mostly talking end game, obviously spoilers

alice. alice intrigues me so much. that final stinger is incredible, for multiple reasons. that reveal following the series of photos of her seemingly killing herself is just.. yeah. i think that was not only her way of trying to getting back to alan, who she knew was trapped in the dark place at the bottom of the lake, but it was also to throw scratch off, to think that he won by tormenting her to her death. theres no light flickers in the background of that final video. she is free of scratch, but still clearly safe. maybe back in the dark place, but tbh im not sure if she ever actually escaped it in the first place. shes going to leave the place with alan. she has to, because they are each others rocks. they sink or swim together (it would also explain why she was able to contact saga while she was in the dark place)

speaking of saga, her mind place version of the dark place was just *chefs kiss*. it was an incredible, worked really well to demonstrate not only the power the dark place has on people, but also what kind of a character she really is. strong and independent, but so good to those around her. i really wish we got deeper into her friend and partnership with casey tbh, after hearing about his divorce (which, btw, loved the extremely casual drop about him and estevez just "bonding over their ex wives". amazing job remedy) and especially seeing the birthday photo in the mind place just. my heart. i really wish we got more casey in general, but i guess him being included in the story beats and echo visions as a hardboiled detective just needs to be enough. for now i say knowing full well im gonna dive super deep into fanfics when my brain fog lifts a little ough

my one big question was door. and maybe tim to that extent, considering the last page we read and we never fully got an explanation about doors involvement (im hoping ng+ explains this further?) but it refers to tim as his "unwilling disciple" - obviously tim was moved to the dark place against his will, but at the same time, why exactly and what is he doing? hes been trying to get out, to figure it out, he has a whole whiteboard of theories and yet. it all leads to door. and idk maybe i missed it somehow, but i never fully made that connection as to why and what doors game here is. which leaves me with questions for the next game/sequel/dlc. intriguing, but throwing that in last minute just felt kinda. idk remedy dont do this to me lmao

one thing im admittedly a bit disappointed about was them choosing to sacrifice alan for the ending. i mean i get it, at the point where we think alice is dead and saga makes it very clear that neither casey nor logan can be hurt and that they are both the heroes of the story, theres not much options left. like alan said, the horror story needs a victim. but also idk, i wish we could. have had a choice? multiple endings?? which i guess ng+ teased but we'll see. also it being left unanswered whether we were free from the darkness now or not, which i understand was intentional but idk im still a bit miffed about that one lol. logan not answering the phone. however saga did have a wedding ring on her finger (i did not observe this detail before so idk if it was just always there but it felt very significant in this scene as they didnt show her being lefthanded before so) which makes me think everything did get fixed, considering how badly david hated her during points in the story, so why would she still wear her wedding ring after all those years after what happened if this wasnt the good reality again. just saying

ALSO IM JUST SO GLAD CASEY IS ALIVE. STUPID BASTARD MAN I LOVE HIM SO

"its not a loop, its a spiral" has interesting implications, but i miss "its not a lake, its an ocean" tbh. i feel like that ending revelation held more power to it than this one, it just feels like a rehash for the sake of copying the original. like i get what they mean about this one (its not a constant changing loop, its a developing story moving forward that keeps expanding as it goes even tho it feels like its going in circles), but just as a saying it doesnt stand up to the original. thats all

the way, even if they are sharing a skin, alan and scratch are two different characters (im excluding zane from this equation for reasons as i dont think he was real [im fairly convinced it was scratch playing games with alan just pretending to be zane], but i wanna give special props to ilkka villi for his portrayal. immaculate job) and are written that way. the way they talk, the lines they have, there is a significant difference when you pay attention to it - i think its partially alans way of trying to dodge the blame and put it all on scratch, whereas scratch doesnt do that for himself, hes just trying to play into the emotional manipulation angle with the constant rush instead to get what he wants and to get people on his side and to trust him. which is a really good take, considering that hes using all common scammer tactics to try to fool people into giving him what he wants (also just god the transformation scene when this is revealed? permanently tattooed in my brain that was so goddamn good)

its also a very interesting take that the cult is actually the good guys. i also just love ilmos explanation for it; "what kind of a cult calls themselves a cult" like. yeah. yeah man you got a point there. but that being just a cover and a scare tactic to keep people safe? love that shit that was good (kinda high key mad we didnt get more of them after that. only that one last sad tv commercial, would have loved to give them a good ending too)

also the parallel of alan waking up from getting shot to the head vs earlier zane doing to same thing at the second meeting in the hotel. i havent stopped thinking about it tbh

just. a few thoughts. all in all idk i felt like the ending was missing something tbh. maybe i just missed something, but it feels like it was more of a setup for something in the future with everything than an ending to a full game and a sequel 13 years after the original. i have too many questions left, more than i entered into this mess with. that being said, absolutely loved the game itself, the story is insane and incredible, this has once again rewired the way my brain thinks about stories (plot board my beloved......), theres so much underneath the surface of a survival horror game that cant be explained, it needs to be experienced. there are sequences here that im unable to convey in words and feelings, you need to see them for yourself ("we sing" and the movie theater. iykyk)

just in general that cliffhanger like. why you do me like this remedy. why. i cant wait for 13 years for another sequel. goddamn

the ending tho, im. i dont know. in the first game we knew things were still kinda wrong, but it showed that everyone outside of alan seemingly got out of the things unscathed for the most part (i mean we lost nightingale, rose went kinda loopy, there were signs that not everything and everyone was right but for the most part the town and people in it were safe), but here we dont see any of it. the happy deerfest is nothing but scratch's illusion. so idk if im meant to believe that shooting alan was the fix and everything went back to normal, like normal normal before this man was pulled into the lake, or since he was still seemingly alive after that, are we still living in the happy deerfest illusion forever while the darkness spreads to the land outside of it? i have so many questions and this ending didnt answer a lot of them tbh lmao

theres so much here i cant fit here my brains still very rattled from all of this and i keep getting more questions the longer i think about it so im gonna leave it here. i'll probably see you later with more when ng+ and/or dlc releases, as hopefully those will explain more

10/10, absolutely my game of the year ngl

..one thing to leave you with. fuck the boss fights in this game lmao

[x3kristax3]

Part 3

After what feels like forever to me sitting alone getting some fresh air and nature which is a nice change from the fast paced city life I've been living, I take a deep breath and stand up. As I do I hear the back door opening and I turn around not expecting to see anyone looking for me. I thought I had heard a car pull up but I wasn't sure and I see Phil standing in the doorway with 2 cups in his hand.

"So I have to find out the infamous Krista is in Duskwood by word of mouth from my sister and then have to come find you all alone out here?"

"Hey Phil, yeah sorry this trip was kind of a last minute thing and I needed some fresh air by myself"

He meets me half way and hands me the cup of tea "I wasn't sure what you like so its just some tea i grabbed at the store"

" thanks" i lean in and give him a hug as we had talked a little bit here and there in the last 2 months and I see Jake in the kitchen looking out the open door.

I'm staring right at him and I don't even notice Phil going in to kiss me until I move my head and it lands on my cheek.

I just smile and walk back inside with everyone as Dan and Thomas walk back in with pizza

"Oh yay! Pizza i'm starving after this trip" I feel a hand around my back and I move towards Jessy and Dan not sure who it was as I somehow was standing between Jake and Phil

"Krista, do you mind if you and I go talk outside for a moment?" Hannah asks

" Sure" I grab a plate with a piece of pizza and my tea

We go sit down by the firepit and its getting a bit chilly as its getting later

" What's going on Hannah?"

"We need to talk about Jake…. I know it's the last thing you want too but I hate to see him like this."

"I'm guessing you heard our conversation in the kitchen earlier '' I say not wanting to cause an issue " but I want to clear this up cause I don't want to be walking on eggshells this trip. I fell for Jake when we were searching for you. I saw a side of him I don't think he let anyone see and I trusted him that he was making the right choices even when I was unsure and he did… well we did as a team. Then you got saved and I thought this is great I'm gonna come to Duskwood meet you all and really see if what we had was real and he ghosted me. I guess I can't blame anyone but myself cause finding you was always his main mission"

She cuts me off " see that's where you're wrong. While yes you two connected over trying to find me he admitted to me he fell for you. These last 2 months since the mine he's been working with the FBI to clear his name so he doesn't have to hide behind the screen and not let people into his life. He's almost clear so he can live a normal life and finding me helped start that process"

I sigh and stare off into space that I don't hear someone walk up.

"Krista…." I jump at his voice " that's what i was trying to tell you earlier in the kitchen when you didn't want to talk. One thing you taught me was how to communicate but also how to let you talk and fully listen. I'm almost fully clear which means I can go anywhere i want which honestly is where you are"

" Jake, honestly I almost didn't come this week but I had made a promise to Alan that if Hannah was saved and he wanted me to come to Duskwood to answer questions I would. So here I am…. Only reason I told anyone was because of Jessy and Dan. So excuse me for putting my guard up when I have no idea what he wants to ask me or what's going to happen. You might have cleared your name but I was also hacking into things while trying to find Hannah and if the FBI is still here I might be on their radar for exactly that." As tears start forming again I feel myself lean into Jake and he wraps his arms around me as I start to cry.

"It's going to be okay. I can promise you the FBI isn't looking into you for what we did to find Hannah." He says as he pulls away looking down at me and wipes my tears away.

I look around and didn't notice Hannah had gone back in the house. Jake puts his hand out to me but I just grab my drink and plate which I barely touched and head back into the house. Before we go back inside i stop and look at jake

"Let's start over again and see where things go without us being on a hunt for someone" I say still in awh over his eyes

" that sounds like a good plan"

We walk in the house and I see Richy. I still can't forgive him for what he did to all of us and acting as the  MWAF. 

He comes walking up to me.. "I'm sorry Krista for what i did again"

I turn to him for the first time. " Look, I'm not ready yet to accept and forgive you. Hannah and the rest might have but I haven't." I turn back and eat my pizza.

#Duskwood #fanfiction #duskwoodfanfic #duskwoodfan

[lady-lycany]

Today I want to talk about something different than I usually do, cuz I think that it could help some people out there, just as it helped me a lot... (could be a bit more to read tho)

Have you ever heard the term "Tulpa"? if not, please take your time and research it, if you're interested in what I'm about to tell... Tulpas are basically "Imaginary friends" but- it's a little different... It's like creating ghosts over a longer period of time... It's not like "imagine" that someone's there, but more like feeling the presence, smelling them, hearing them and seeing them more clearly in front of your inner eye... Giving them their own personality, their own thoughts... They're not really controllable, they're their own beings...

I heard the term Tulpa for the first time from an internet friend, and after hearing his explanation, I just realized, that I already created three by accident... I don't want to talk too much about the first one... I mean, I guess we all were in that phase, where we were in love with some kind of character- That happened to me when I was 12... Since that day, I always imagined that he would be with me, 24/7 and somehow turned him into my Tulpa... That thing went on for over 5 years, and to keep a long story short- with the "help" of an old friend of mine, she kinda destroyed everything I build up and made him disappear... This was a really hard time for me and I got strongly depressed about not being able to see, hear and feel him around me anymore... I felt like a part of myself left me, since the connection was pretty strong... What I want to tell with that story- If you should decide to create your own Tulpa, or maybe already did, and realizing it after reading my text, be very careful with creating a partner... If you want to do it, be aware that they have feelings too and that you can ruin your mental health with losing them... Or, you will lose total interest in finding a partner in the real world, cuz everything will feel like betraying/cheating...

If you want to create something, that can go on forever without any problems, create a best friend, maybe a talking pet or a family member... There are less problems with that, but many many awesome things... Now to come to my second created Tulpas... They're also already existing characters, but such side characters, that they only appeared on one manga page without a text or anything, but were kind of the main characters in a musical- I'm talking about Eric Slingby & Alan Humphries from the 2010 musical of Kuroshitsuji... Idk what exactly it was, but when I watched the musical (I think it was between 2015-2016) I felt like I would already know these for quite some time... And through an online rpg Eric became my brother and Alan my brother in law... (Eric is not really my bro but was a family friend and helped with raising me, so he's basically like my older brother... I have a way stronger connection to him, cuz Alan came later into our life) And I cannot explain H O W glad I am to have these two in my life... I think I started to turn them into Tulpas, cuz I always was afraid of losing my grandparents and these two also have some similarities with them in their characteristics... But not only do they help me with my fear of losing people (Cuz I know, no matter how many people will leave my life, these two will always stay with me) but in so so many other situations... No matter if they helped me with learning for school, taking me home from work/school, listening to my problems, giving advices I never would come up with myself, cheering me up if everything else sucks, and and and... I could call out so many more things I'm greatful for... For real it's a good thing, that I can't lose them, cuz If I could, I would never be the same person again... I don't even have to have them around me 24/7 (they live in a different house than I do so basically I'm only there to visit them or the other way around) It's enough to know that if I need them they'll be there for me <3

I know that some people will maybe think that this is cringe or childish but for real, whatever helps to stay happy, shouldn't be judged... And that's why I talk about... I think especially in these challenging times, there are probably many people out there, who could need someone who won't leave or hurt them...

If I should talk about this topic again, maybe explain how I created them or something, feel free to tell me, if you're interested in it and research about it, if you have problems with creating them on your own... :3

[liliaeth]

Fix it’s for Teen Wolf

I can think of a few things that would have made Teen Wolf better.

1.  I wanted more focus on Scott’s emotional response to what happened to him.  I don’t mind that Scott isn’t the type who complains about getting hurt. The problem for me was that the show rarely dealt with the consequences of Scott’s pain, and thus to the casual viewer often made it look like he simply didn’t mind, that being hurt didn’t bother him at all. Or worse, that nothing all that bad had happened in the first place.

 Doing this undermined many of the hallucination scenes.  For example, in Season 2’s Party Guessed, we get hallucinations for Stiles, Jackson, and Allison which give us a view into psychology, letting us know their issues without spelling them out.  For Scott, we got Allison making out with kanima Jackson.   Compared to the others, it felt shallow and confusing.  The writers couldn’t even bother to give us dialog.  He received the same treatment in Season 5, when they read the book designed to trigger their memories about the Dread Doctors. Stiles gets yet another scene about his dead mother who has been crucial to his story since Season 1.  Lydia sees her grandmother and her connection to both Lydia’s powers and Eichen House, as well as foreshadowing her treatment at the hands of Valack.   Malia about her Mom and sister’s death at the hands of the Desert Wolf, which is her entire arc.  And Scott?  He gets a nightmare about a dog that was never mentioned before and would not be mentioned after.

 2. I wanted more focus on Scott’s trauma in general. In Season 1, Scott was repeatedly mentally and physically violated by Peter, terrorized and abused by Derek, and hunted by the Argents, and it was taken as a given.   Even the recaps at the beginning episodes in other seasons barely show any of that.  For example, Gerard attacking Scott in clear view at the hospital, stabbing him, and threatening his mother, never appeared in any of the recaps, even in episodes where it would have been important to remind the viewers about it.

While the show had no issue showing us over and over again how Stiles or Derek or Isaac or Allison or any white character really was hurt, they did not focus on the pain Scott was put through, and thus let the viewers conclude that those events didn’t matter.

The show literally had Scott try and kill himself, twice in less than two days, first in Frayed, by refusing to let himself heal, and then again in Motel California, yet neither of those suicide attempts are mentioned even once afterwards. And this while it would have been a good call back in s5b, when Scott is once again not letting himself heal after Theo killed him. and yet again, no mention whatsoever.

 3. I wanted more consequences for certain characters.   I liked that Scott and to a lesser extent Derek were confronted with the consequences of their actions. When they screwed up, they got called out on it. When they did something wrong, it wasn’t excused.  Then they made up for it.

In contrast, certain characters, especially Stiles, got to do whatever they wanted and it was either dismissed as funny or used to make them look sympathetic.  Stiles got to be mean and cruel, and the narrative still treated him as if he were the best friend ever.  He got to assault people, hurt them, and it was treated as if somehow he was the victim. 

For example, I would have liked Stiles a lot better, if when he tortured Scott with lacrosse balls, punishing him for who-knows-what, if someone else had called him out on it or if Scott had got to defend himself, instead of just taking it because Stiles was angry.  Scott allowing Stiles to hurt him to maintain their friendship was a pattern between them, just as much as Scott taking responsibility for things that aren’t his fault.  He keeps on doing it over the course of the show, but it would have been nice if the show at the very least had made it clear that that didn’t make Stiles behavior acceptable.

Just like I wish that Peter had actually faced consequences for his actions – and/or shown some kind of true remorse for his misdeeds--instead of the others just letting him hang around after all the horrible things he’d done or reduce it pettiness.

 4. I would have liked more time spent on Melissa and the McCall family in general, especially on Melissa’s initial reaction to Scott being a werewolf. In the show, they barely spent two minutes total on Melissa’s reaction to finding out her son has been turned into a werewolf.  By the end of s6b, she was barely even behaving like a mother anymore. Even to the point where we don’t even get a conversation between her and Chris about his attacks on her son before the two of them start dating.  Now don’t get me wrong, I liked Chris and Melissa in a relationship, but it was missed opportunity to humanize both her and Scott that they didn’t bother to show her finding out about that and her reaction to it.

Instead we got the whole horror reaction, of her being horrified at seeing her son’s other face, the reaction that any LGBT kid fears when they come out to their parent. Which could have been a great metaphor, especially if they had then made it clear that Scott was bisexual.

 5. I would have liked more focus on Boyd.   The production time spent on Isaac and Erica, while Boyd’s arc was treated as almost an afterthought. We barely even got any hint on his past, in the episode before they killed him off.    They started out with Boyd as the one who wanted to be like Scott, and then never explained it.  Why not focus more on that, and their relationship?

(similar complaints go about Mason, and how little we knew about Mason, outside of him being Liam’s friend. Like... what was his relationship like with his parents? What is Mason interested in, what does he want to do with his life... how did he deal with the after effects of the Beast...

 6. I would have liked more focus on Alan Deaton. The show had such huge potential with this character’s backstory, not just with the Hales but as an emissary in general.  There was this whole mythology about druids that they barely even delved into.

To not even start on how little we knew about his personal life? Why did he and his sister have different last names? What was their relationship like?

Does he have any romantic relationships? Friendships, relationships in general?

Or how about more time spent on his role as a father figure to Scott, we got so few crumbs of their relationship when we should have gotten so much more

 7. I would have liked more focus on Scott and Theo’s interaction in Season 6.   I get that in 6a, they had Scott primarily focused on getting Stiles back, but I’ll never understand why they then didn’t use 6b, to deal with the fact that Theo had tried to murder Scott and was trying to make it up to him and the pack for what he’d done to Scott and the others.

I don’t mind Theo interacting with Liam.  Those scenes were great, but they should have at least one scene with Scott and Theo dealing with the issues between them.  For Theo’s sake, as much as Scott’s.

 8. I would have liked a complete rework of Season 6A in its entirety.  If you’re going to focus a season on an actor who isn’t available, then you have to make it about his impact on the others. Show us what difference this character made, by showing us the effects of his absence, rather than just try and make it about a romantic ship. (I’ve written a post about this already in greater detail, so limiting it to that, but seriously, that season was such a huge wasted opportunity.)

 9.  Actual character growth for Stiles. For a character who had as much screentime as Stiles did, it’s shocking just how little character growth Stiles had over the course of the entire show. This contrasts in a really bad way, when you look at how much every single other character grew and changed over the course of the show.

Just look at the last four episodes of 5b, to give an example. After almost an entire season of watching Stiles at his worst, focusing on emotional scene after emotional scene with him, he suddenly got relegated to comic relief. Why? Because they didn’t want Stiles to grow, because unless he grew, there was no way for him to go but down. If Stiles had taken responsibility for his actions, then they’d have had to admit that he did wrong in the first place. And they couldn’t have that happen.

 10. And last but not least. More moments of the kids being kids. Even if it’s just proms and beach parties. Moments where we see the characters spend time together, when they aren’t trying to stop some bad guy. Where we can see them be friends, hang out with kids their own age. Even just to remind the audience just how young these children are. And where the viewers along with the characters can rest in between the horror, because doing so makes the horror hit far more strongly in contrast to the light.

 11. Also, a better lighting budget, pretty please Davies, were a few more light bulbs that much to ask for?

[unhingedexperimenter]

"It might have been accidental, but she will never harm you or anyone else again." He held WordGirl close. The hero didn't care that he was bloodied once more. She didn't want to let go yet. With his mostly clean hand, Dr.Two-Brains used a clean finger to wipe away his daughter's tears. The others were now silent, Calvin's words were now sinking in. It had left them confused, yet they didn't dare interrupt the villain comforting his daughter. Alan didn't know what happened other than what his niece had filled him in on and the grotesque scene he had seen. He guessed what happened to Athena. Not that he felt any sympathy for her. He didn't realize why the others, including Hugh, seemed to be in deep thought about something. Hyde went to tend to Amber, as she was still unconscious. Hyde felt his heart hurt seeing her injured face. Athena had paid for what she did, he was glad for that. Unaware that Calvin was responsible for the injuries Amber had obtained, yet. He scooped her up into his arms, holding her tightly. Adrian had missed witnessing the frightening demise of Athena as he was knocked out cold by the tranquilizer. Finally succumbing to it just before Athena had attempted to escape from Dr.Two-Brains’ wrath. He remained unconscious, they had no idea how long it would take for the drug in his system to wear off. As well as Amber. “Don't you worry, my wee pup. I'm not going to let you out of my sight any time soon. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry.” His words went unheard by his daughter. Hyde held her so tightly to his own form. It angered him that they had managed to take her. It shook him even more, having faced the possibility of losing her. He wouldn't have been able to handle would Hyde be able to forgive himself for it. The blonde gently caressed the uninjured side of Amber's face so as to not unintentionally hurt her. After a few more minutes of silence other than Hyde speaking to his unconscious daughter, Dr.Two-Brains had spoken up. “I'm sorry that you all had to find out the truth about me this way. I… I was going to tell you all when I was ready. I just didn't expect that bastard to know about me. Of course he would use my secrets as a weapon against me. As much as I want to deny what he said about me, I would be lying. What Calvin had said is true.” Dr.Two-Brains took a deep breath. “I may not be the one to have told you all this first but I can explain it to you. Yes. I'm… You see, Victor, Emily and I are clones. Matthew Dunner is one of our parents. Our other parent was a very talented and brilliant geneticist. I was also Professional Terrorist. I admit, I helped Maddrix as Professor Terror before that horrible monster… before that horrible day. After I helped stop him from continuing his rampage, I retired from villainy altogether. Carl Woods is my other father. He wasn't a mad scientist like Calvin made him out to be. He was an amazing father. Loving, despite his short temper and road rage issues. I don't know how Calvin found out but I'm sure that he's somehow connected to those horrible people who took our father and cousin. My name is Genetics Sebastian Woods. Not Steven Boxleitner. My deceased Cousin's name is Steven Boxleitner, he is the real one. You see, the horrible people found out about me. He wanted to buy me from my father but my father told them to shove it. They didn't like that, one day while I was in my father's classroom where he had taught. They had burst in and attempted to take me. My father and cousin saved me and allowed me to escape. Unfortunately this cost them their lives, Steven was shot in the process. My father perished in the explosion that followed. I had to run away. I took my cousin's name to go undetected. Fearing that they would go after me and take me.” Dr.Two-Brains couldn't hold back his own tears, hugging Becky even more tightly. “I was retired from villainy until my accident with Squeaky. Becoming Dr.Two-Brains. I'm ashamed that I dragged my cousins name through mud and ruined his reputation. His name is now associate to my cheese related crimes.” He was shaky.

@thecountoflondonfansite

Though someone this Miss Ito did know Henry Jekyll. Did his brother's new boyfriend get this woman to look into him? If so, why didn't this man just ask Dr.Two-Brains about himself? This raised more questions than it answered. Maybe Henry didn't have the courage to look into his brother after he gave him a little 'friendly' talk. Yet the thinly veiled threats Victor had made shouldn't have been enough to get the teacher looking into Dr.Two-Brains. There was also the fact that Henry had no idea that Victor could find out who was hacking. Perhaps the man was intelligent enough to have the heat on someone else just in case they were found out, but he didn't seem like the type to do so. Especially to someone he had entrusted The Society to. Victor was going to have to get a few agents to take a little trip to check out why they decided to hack like they did. Maybe Robert Lanyon had someone to do with Miss Itos hacking. It would be expected when the man's father had been murdered. Perhaps he wanted to make sure that Henry was safe. Maybe this man was protecting Henry from someone who was threatening him. This could've had the culprit retaliate against the doctor by going after Henry or Robert could be responsible for his own father's murder and for Mr. Carew's attempted murder. The reason both Mr. Hyde and Henry left could be because Robert was threatening one and framing the other. Victor felt a headache coming on. For now, he was going to find out exactly where Robert was. If he wanted to take over The Society, he would've easily done so. Yet he didn't, instead only oversaw important business. He couldn't scratch any of his theories out just yet. He didn't know what was going on, but he was going to find out. He didn't realize that Eris had finally gotten home. He didn't notice the sound of the apartment door opening and closing. “Victor, are you okay? You look like you're stressed about something.” He expressed his concern, brows furrowed. “Eris! I'm fine. I was just overthinking some things.” Eris went over to Victor and placed a kiss on his temple. “Get some rest, my sweet. You'll be able to figure things out better with fresh eyes.” Victor smiled at his boyfriend. “You're right. I'll take a nap. If you'll join me.” Eris smiled at that. He found Victor endearing. The toymaker closed his laptop. Meanwhile in another part of the city, two people were arguing. “Must you stalk these people? I would rather not have the police sniffing around if they take legal action.” The woman shook her head. “It is necessary. I must save that girl from that horrid man. Who knows what he could do to them. I'm doing what is right.” The blond man shook his head. “You admitted that you were interested in our plan.” Calvin frowned at that. “I didn't do anything too crazy. I promise.” Athena muttered under her breath. Athena began to pace a bit. She wanted Dr.Two-Brains to break and admit who he is. “You're making me dizzy, cousin.”

Athena gave a weak glare towards Calvin's rudeness. "You know I can't help it. I haven't been the same after what that demon did to me!" Athena snapped back. Calvin merely huffed. Deep down, he couldn't help but feel some intimidation from the mouse man, especially when he knew what that abomination was capable of. At first, Calvin was shocked to hear what the man did to his cousin. He had always viewed Steven, or Gene, or whatever it called himself, as a sniveling worm with goody moral ethics. He never thought that the man was capable of doing something that heinous, even with his paternal instincts heightened. Things made much more sense to Calvin once he learned of his former coworker's family background. "Very well. Continue with your plans. I have other matters to attend to." Calvin exclaimed in a haughty tone, waving off Athena's anger. Athena gave him a suspicious look. "What are you planning that is more important than my mission?" She inquired. "Well why you have been playing vigilante stalker to a babysitter and her charge, I have been looking into the reason for the Mad Science League's sudden movement here." Calvin explained. Athena looked surprised at that. "Adrian Barton is here?" The B.E.A.W labs' leader has expressed interest in the mysterious Mad Science League. A small group of scientists lead by a self proclaimed immortal man whose made it his mission to fight against tyranny and corruption of the higher classes. Adrian Barton and his associates had proven too slippery for capture due to the man's chaotic and unpredictable movements. Athena was curious and confused as to why he came here of all places. "We don't know why he is here or what business he has, but for some reason he has made himself more open in public though he has maintained a cautious guard. I last saw him talking with Professor Doohickey, though I highly doubt the reason he came to this city was to help the man's predicament." Calvin answered as if he seemed to understand what his cousin was thinking. "Do you think it has something to do with the murder of Mr. Hastie Lanyon?" Athena asked as she recalled hearing about the murder. Calvin shook his head. "I doubt Barton was behind that. He has a clear hatred for the rich and elite, but he would have been more subtle in killing that man, actually making it look like a robbery in progress that went bad. There is another reason why Mr. Barton is here. One in which I intend to find out. So hopefully your antics won't interfere in my mission. Good day Athena." Soon Calvin walked away, leaving the deranged woman to her own thoughts and delusions. "Blimey! Those cleaners know how to clean out goop stains. It looks brand new." Hyde exclaimed in a joyous tone once he received his outfit from Rachel. "Yep. It appears people getting their clothes ruined by goop is a common occurrence around here. So they developed a new way to remove the stains and residue even thought it takes a lot of time. It's definitely well worth it. I must say." Rachel replied with agreement. Hyde ginned widely at his clean outfit. He then looked back towards Rachel. "So, anything happened while ah was gone?" Hyde inquired. Rachel quickly shook her head. "Not really. Like I said, we waited a long time at the cleaners. Also Wordgirl showed up trying to stop a robbery caused by Lady Redundant Woman. She gave a wave to Amber before she flew off. Amber got a little fussy on the way home, but it was likely due to us being out for so long. She's fine now." Rachel explained. Hyde nodded but the usually grinning blonde had a serious expression as he thought back to what happened and what Whiskers admitted to him. "Did Wordgirl seem okay to ye?" Hyde inquired. Rachel looked confused by his question and expression. "She seemed alright to me. Why do you ask?" Rachel was surprised to hear Hyde express genuine concern for anyone that wasn't Amber, herself, or one of the lodgers. Hyde let out a sigh and proceeded to explain what happened today with Two Brains and his sister. @unhingedexperimenter

[princeescaluswords]

why didn't scott just fill gerard's pills with poison? it would have killed gerard so he couldn't have come back later on, and it wouldn't have required derek being forced to bite him.

Thank you for your excellent question.  I especially appreciate it because, for once, it’s actually a question.  I’ll do my best to answer it. 

My argument requires you to accept two premises:

Scott did not possess the same omniscient point of view as the audience.  He made his decisions with the information he had at the time.  He discovered that Gerard had cancer at the end of Abomination (2x04) and he switched out his pills near the end of Fury (2x10).  Once the pills had been switched, new information could have no bearing to his decision; it had already been made.

It was Gerard’s plan to have Derek Bite him, not Scott’s.  If Scott hadn’t been present in Season 2 at all, Gerard would still have plotted to force Derek to Bite him to cure his cancer..  

If you disagree with either premise, then my argument is not going to convince you.

Scott’s decision was ethical.  Scott wasn’t a philosophy graduate student in Season 2; he was a high school sophomore.  But he did have influential figures in his life with strong ethical stances: Alan Deaton  and his mother.  Deaton came out and said that he adheres to an ethical code of conduct that frowns on killing someone to make your life easier.  Melissa’s lessons and actions were also consistent and can be seen when she called Scott in Tattoo (3x01) even though she wanted him to stay away from the supernatural or when she questioned Scott in Silverfinger (3x17) whether involving the police was just going to get more people killed.  The ethical imperative is clear:  Do the least harm.  

This is why Scott’s plan to keep Gerard from getting the Bite was reactive in nature - a failsafe rather than an assassination.  If Derek or Chris or anyone managed to get their shit together and find a way to stop Gerard, then Scott’s plan would never have had to be used.   If they had managed to stop the kanima and then Derek flew to Argentina, Gerard’s plan would be thwarted with no need for any assassination.  Scott’s plan would come into play only if Gerard was winning.

His other options would cause more harm.  He couldn’t go to the authorities, because Derek had taught him that would be more dangerous way back in Season 1′s Second Chance at First Line (1x02):

Derek: If they find out what you are, they find out about me. About all of us. And then it's not just the hunters after us, it's everyone.

He couldn’t go to Derek, because Derek had consistently resorted to killing immediately - in Ice Pick (2x03), in Abomination (2x04), in Venomous (2x05), in Frenemy (2x06), in Raving (2x08) - Derek had made it clear that his first answer to any threat was extreme violence, whether the target was an innocent teenage girl, one of his own betas, or Scott himself.  After this behavior, Scott couldn’t possibly believe that Derek would resolve the situation with minimal harm, and Derek couldn’t  be trusted.  As per Party Guessed (2x09):

Scott:  What do you mean? What are you not telling me? 

Derek: Why do you always think I’m keeping something from you? 

Scott: Because you always are keeping something from me.

Scott acted to prevent the deaths of others in a manner that would cause the least amount of harm possible.  Note -- ‘least harm’ does not mean ‘no harm.’  Deceiving Derek was necessary and harming Gerard by switching out his cancer medication was also necessary. 

Scott’s decision was moral.  Contrary to fandom belief, Scott never had a blanket prohibition against killing.  He thoroughly rejected the idea of killing for the sake of efficiency and security, because his actions indicate he believed that all life has an innate dignity, even for people like Gerard and Peter.  He did not object to killing in self-defense or killing in the defense of others when it was necessary to save lives, as seen in Orphaned (4x06), Monstrous (4x10), Codominance (5x13), and Apotheosis (5x20).  

He did object to killing as a means to achieve a goal beyond the immediate.  He rejected Peter’s revenge in Season 1, Derek’s desperate violence in Season 2, Deucalion’s and Jennifer’s entire modus operandi in Season 3, and so on.  The principle he espouses is that no one has the right to determine the value or course of another’s life.  I am absolutely sure that if Scott could have gotten away with not killing anyone or having his friends and allies not kill anyone, he would have taken it, but that was impossible (and puts lie to Peter’s manipulative and untrue accusation of black-and-white thinking).  

Why didn’t Scott lethally poison Gerard to end the situation and prevent Gerard’s future murders?  Because Scott couldn’t foresee the future, and he didn’t want to take away someone’s life on the basis of his best guess.  The series would go on to uphold that principle.   If Scott and Derek had killed Deucalion at the end of Lunar Ellipse (3x12), Derek and Peter would be dead at the hands of the Calaveras in More Bad Than Good (3x14).  If Scott had executed the twins for their role in Boyd’s and Erica’s deaths, he wouldn’t have been able to save Stiles from the nogitsune.  Gerard himself was useful in defeating La Bete.  If Scott had executed Peter at La Iglesias, Season 6 would have been a lot different.

Let’s look at the implications if Scott thought he should murder people pre-emptively.   At the point when he poisoned Gerard, he had seen Gerard kill one person -- an omega who had attacked an ambulance.  He had also seen Derek kill one person -- Peter -- and also attempt to kill Jackson and Lydia.  If he should have poisoned Gerard to stop his future killings, shouldn’t he have ripped Derek’s throat out to prevent his future killings?   Scott had just as much experience with Derek’s murderous intent as with Gerard’s murderous intent.  But he didn���t -- and Derek became a friend and a pack member.  Gerard didn’t in the end, but Scott couldn’t have known that.  

That’s why it was a moral decision.  Scott didn’t believe he has the right to determine whether someone should live or die and acts according to that principle as much as possible.  He did risk Gerard’s life with the cancer-pill switch out, but risking a life isn’t the same as purposefully taking it.

Scott’s decision was practical.  What could Scott imagine would happen if he had slipped Gerard a lethal poison?  Did he have any reason to believe it would stop the kanima, which he believed absolutely had to be stopped?  Did he have any reason to believe that after Gerard’s death, Chris and Victoria would stop trying to kill him or Derek?  (After all, he didn’t know Victoria was already dead.)  

And what about the autopsy?  Would the police not get involved?   It’s still murder.  It’s still against the law.   The law still applies to him even if he is a werewolf.   Gerard had to be stopped from achieving his goal, but maybe, just maybe he could do it in a way that wouldn’t draw the attention of the sheriff?  There was a risk that the switched-out cancer medication would cause his death, and Scott was willing to take that risk, and there was a chance the rejected werewolf bite would kill Gerard, but it would be doubtful that could be brought back to him.

Scott’s decision was personal.  Scott wanted things.  He wanted to be with Allison.  He didn’t want Lydia or Jackson to die.  He didn’t want some alpha to demand that Scott obey him because Peter couldn’t keep his fangs to himself.  

Derek had lied to him, manipulated him, and beat him.  Derek had joined up with Peter after promising Scott to help him against Peter.   Derek had told him about a cure he so desperately wanted and prevented him from taking it.  Derek had tried to boss him around and then gloated about killing Lydia in Scott’s own house.   Sure, Derek had saved Scott’s life during the rave but his life wouldn’t have been in danger if Derek hadn’t bitten Jackson and then abandoned him in the first place.

Scott’s intent was to save Derek and his pack from Gerard, but why should he have to do it in a way that makes Derek comfortable?   Why should he put Derek’s needs and wants above his own?   Why should he get blood on his hands for the man who had stormed into his life and declared everything Scott wanted and desired worthless in the face of “The Bite is a Gift.”

Everyone brings up the idea that somehow Scott being forced at claw-point to make Derek Bite Gerard was somehow the same thing as Kate seducing Derek -- which is a stretch the production never made and has somehow become a ubiquitous fanon distortion of the truth.  Even if you somehow connect the two events, Scott was forced by Gerard to do it, and he couldn’t possibly understand the supposed immensity of the transgression because he didn’t know about Kate and Derek.

Scott could have been a lot crueler to Derek.  He could have handed him over to Gerard for a chance with Allison.   He could have sat this one out and let the Alpha of Bad Decisions and his Murder Betas handle Gerard and the kanima all on their own.  He could have ripped Derek’s throat out and bit Gerard himself.  But he didn’t.  He figured out a plan that stopped Gerard from getting what he wanted, which would have ended with Derek’s death.   And at the end, after this asshole had spent an entire season hurting and trying to kill Scott’s friends, all Scott said was “You may be an alpha, but you’re not mine.”

In the light of all this, it was the right decision.

[petitprincess1]

What are your unpopular opinions on Black Hat, his employees, and Villainous in general?

Wow. I'm surprised I got asked this, figured I'd get more people getting angry at me. Well, again, these are just opinions.

Well, back in 2017-early 2018, I actually really liked Black Hat. He seemed to kinda be like a darker Grunkle Stan and actually interacted more with the crew. Plus, he seemed more like a troll then. Now, it just feels he just exists to be sexy and edgy(tm). I'm sure a lot of fans love that, but I kinda miss the days where this was an old man that couldn't tell how to work a device that had one freaking button. Now, he can actually use technology...he just chooses not to. So, I guess he pretended to not know how to work that anti-gravity device...on a commercial that aired on TV? Makes sense if you dont think about it. Also, BH doesn't pay his employees? I guess they're getting the materials, weapons, foods, phones, and other shit out of their ass. They may have a company card, but (huge shock) company cards only work if you get it from that specific company. We already know that Hat Island doesn't have a supermarket and is just uninhabitable for no reason other than evil. So, they clearly got their own bank somehow, especially since BH doesn't even buy the food or anything needed for them to live.

I've already talked about how Dem and Flug are walking contradictions/inconsistencies. I will say I forgot to add how Demencia's hair could easily cause her more trouble in battle than anything else. Heck, it already has with Sunblast. I'm surprised BH didn't force her to cut her hair, but I guess that would ruin the fantasy of Lizardhat that Alan so clearly favors (seriously, people paying to get a little bit of paperhat, but all he cared to draw was lizardhat, especially if it was slightly promiscuous. Secret kisses, my ass). Flug has a brother.....cool? We only see him once and he doesn't seem to be mentioned by other heroes nor in posters or anywhere, really. Plus, I don't care if his brother was favored by his parents cause, at the end of the day, Flug is living his dream. This is what he wanted and doesn't regret it. Why should I feel bad? In 2017, I actually though he kinda disliked working for BH, but that got thrown out the window with the streams that contradicted each other.

Villainous worked better as shorts. I know we only have the two full episodes, but they already just are...nothing. The ending to the pilot means absolutely nothing now because Sunblast is alive. So, like, what was the point of him getting eaten if he was just gonna be alive? Heck, BH gets mad at them for having a hero enter his home...not for literally messing up a transaction in front of a customer. He's lucky that Penumbra's dumb af couldn't see because this would've been quite the problem and he would've lost money (since souls are apparently currency now). As for the crossover, I dont see what it could add to the show or why it was seen as a victory. Demencia is this amazing assassin...but gets knocked out by one hit by a baby. She also runs from a woman throwing salt at her....you fight superpowered heroes...stop. Also, why wasn't it the grandma? She already seems to have some sort of magical connection to the world, so it would only make sense for her to be the hero, right? Heck, it would cause even more of a change to the show and to the perspectives of Dem and Flug. "Vic and Val have an old person who's a monster too, but she treats them super nicely all the time. Even gave us cookies and warm milk." "She's a hero, Dem." "And we're villains, dork! It doesn't-" "Just-! Ugh....let it go, Demencia. Don't think too hard about it. Heroes are all the same....that's how it is." But, no, it had to be the baby....great...

[tonitheloftwing]

Jumanji: A Film About Mental Health, Trauma, and Jungle Hijinxs

So, Jumanji. I guess this isn’t a full analysis because I’m not like planning this out in advance or anything, but I just want to drop my thoughts on this movie yknow? This movie certainly isn’t perfect, but I live very close to where certain scenes in the movie were shot, so therefore I have a pretty close connection to it. Fun fact, I see Parrish Shoes wall art almost every time I go into town! They put it up for the movie but never took it down/cleaned the wall, kind of as a landmark. When I was little and before I’d seen this movie, I thought that Parrish Shoes was an actual shoe company due to this. But yeah Jumanji is sort of a cultural phenomenon around here, even the newer movies.

For reference: Everything I say here is just my personal interpretation of the film. Also halfway through I decided this isn’t going to be a general overview of the film but moreso a theme essay. TW for mental health related stuff, mainly PTSD and childhood trauma. And murder.

As a kid I did NOT pick up on the themes of mental health. Pretty much each character is suffering from some kind of mental health issue, and it’s not played for laughs, which is kind of uncommon in movies from this time period. I know it’s kind of common knowledge at this point that the hunter dude is played by the same man as Alan’s father and is supposed to represent him to Alan (this is played quite on the nose at the end of the movie), but Alan really doesn’t have a good relationship with his dad. Alan is a victim of bullying and has a lot of pressure put onto him due to the family name, which is stressful for him, but his dad doesn’t understand and therefore undermines all of Alan’s struggles and even does things that might make them worse, like forcing him to attend Cliffside School For Boys. Even if Alan is as grandiose as his father thinks, going to this school would still not be good for his health. Of course, Alan doesn’t have to go to this school because he gets sucked into Jumanji, and has to spend 26 years trying to survive in the jungle. To me, at least, this represents the stress and fear and anxiety Alan would have had to deal with if his life continued the way it had as a young boy; a childhood wasted surviving in the jungle. (Speaking of which, how did Alan survive that long anyways as a 11-13 year old? What a trooper!) This doesn’t really connect to the former points, but we also see that having to endure the suffering in the jungle (or, in this metaphor, being made to grow up too fast and have his anxiety worsen) hasn’t made Alan any more mature. In fact, multiple times, it’s mentioned that he’s still very childish. Sometimes it’s played off for laughs, like when he is revealed to not being able to drive a car or when he holds onto the grudge of Billy Jessop when Sarah has completely forgotten who he is, but other times it’s actually quite serious. Like when Judy asks what Alan is going to do with his life now that he’s back, he has no idea. He says something along the lines of “I’ll just start back off where I left. I wonder if Ms. [Teacher] still teaches the sixth grade.” He hasn’t matured... at all. Mentally, he’s still a sixth grade boy, just with a crap ton of trauma and 26 years of wasted life. 

The other characters, Judy, Peter, and Sarah all mainly seem to suffer from PTSD. Sarah’s is the most obvious, as she goes to therapy for her PTSD, and her therapist is trying to convince her that Alan was in fact murdered, and the bats and watching him be sucked into the board game were figments of her imagination to protect her from the trauma. It seems as if Sarah herself doesn’t fully believe this notion, but since it’s more easily explainable and more easy to heal from, she goes with that. When she calls up her therapist, telling her about another “episode” she’s having, it implies that Sarah has PTSD induced flashbacks from this trauma, which I found quite surprising for the movie to nod to, seeing as this is based off a children’s book about a magic board game. In the fight Alan and Sarah have before the stampede arrives, it’s even mentioned how Sarah is shunned by society for her mental health condition, as no one comes to her birthday party and she had to change her name to fit in with society. While the former might seem small, for a teenager who has just watched a friend of hers die, it has a horrible effect on her. Like Alan, her trauma has wasted her life for 26 years.

Judy and Peter have lesser cases, or at least aren’t explored into as much as the two adults, which make sense. They both also seem to suffer from PTSD from the death of their parents, which manifests in different ways for the both of them. In Judy, it presents itself in compulsive lying (although her lying seems to be quite exaggerated and mainly played for laughs), and Peter’s in selective mutism, both of which can be results of childhood trauma/PTSD. 

At the end of the movie, all of this is undone. Alan and Sarah go back to the past, and get to do everything all over, as many survivors of childhood trauma wish they could. Judy and Peter have no recollection of any of this, and their parents never die. Even Alan’s father improves within a matter of minutes, and decides to be a good father to Alan and not pressure him into living up to the family name. (How did that happen, anyways? Did the board game somehow have an effect on him too? Was the writing team not thinking?) All their trauma has been reversed, but, at least Alan and Sarah, still have to live with the memories of how things could have gone. 

Also, fun fact! I’m kind of into true crime and if the Alan Parrish case happened IRL I’m pretty sure that it would have either been ruled a homicide or gone unsolved. If you want me to become Stephanie Harlowe and make a post about how the Alan Parrish investigation would have gone down I’ll do so. 

[inactive-seathesilverlinings]

Afraid

The Next Gen is back already because it felt weird not posting yesterday!

Alan is twenty-three when his very first niece is born. Twenty-three and it hits him with the force of Thunderbird Two, that never before in his life has he held a baby. So, naturally, once the tiny redhead has made her way home with her parents to the safety of Tracy Island and everyone has had a turn at smothering her with love; when she has reached the last in line before him, he makes an excuse and leaves, quickly.

He manages, somehow, to avoid John and Ridley and whoever else may be fawning over the newest addition at the time for a total of three days. Three days, and John manages to corner him up on the observation deck of the round house. His teeny tiny twin is cradled to his chest and there’s something akin to a dash of sorrow in his eyes.

You can continue here, or on AO3

“Are you okay Alan?”

“What? Yeah, I’m fine.”

But he makes the mistake of inching away when John sits down next to him, and John sighs.

“Look, Alan, I know this is a big adjustment for everyone…”

“Don’t…”

“Let me finish. It’s a big adjustment for everyone, me and Ridley included, but you seemed so excited before and now you’re avoiding the both of us like the plague. I just want to check in with you.”

“I’m okay, honest,” His eyes don’t meet John’s but they’ve settled on Stella instead. “I’m just a little… Well, more than a little… Afraid I guess…”

“Of what?” But John connects the dots quickly, just unfortunately in the wrong order. “Of Stella? She’s just a baby Alan…”

“Well, yes, and no. I’m not afraid of her. I’m worried I might hurt her…”

“Oh, okay… I understand that.” John nodded and Stella stirred, tipping her little head back into John’s instinctively waiting hand and gazed up at him, he smiled. “I thought the same thing, you know.”

“You did?”

“Yeah, you can ask Ridley, we were both terrified. Babies are so fragile, they’re so tiny and dependant, it’s scary. I wanted to think that I should have had enough practise with three younger brothers but you’re the only baby I can really ever remember dealing with, I was too young to do much when it came to Virgil and Gordon.”

“But I thought Ridley had a god-son?”

“She does, but she didn’t spend much time around him as a baby, being in space a lot it was mostly video calls.”

“Oh…”

“Look Alan, the point of what I’m trying to say is that it’s okay if you don’t want to hold her yet because you don’t feel ready. That’s fine, but tell me. Don’t just avoid us. As silly as it sounds I was starting to think you didn’t like her.” John huffed a laugh and smirked as Stella’s eyes drifted closed once again.

“Didn’t like her? I love her! I’m just scared I’m going to hurt her!”

“You won’t I promise, but if you need time before you feel ready, I understand.”

Alan nodded, eyes on Stella, he reached out and softly stroked her head. John smiled and Stella’s eyes opened once more, responding to the touch her head tipped back to look around.

Oh yeah, one look of those eyes and Alan was done.

[rebeccalouisaferguson]

In your opinion, the new characters played by Hayley, Pom and Shea will be good or bad? I’ve seen on Wikipedia that Esai’s character has been defined as the villain, but is he the only bad one?

I would guess that Shea might replace the character played by Alec Baldwin after his death in Fallout, I can see Pom as an ally for Ethan’s team, while Hayley could play a double agent, half good half bad with matbe a final redemption? It’s interesting to see, anyway, that Hayley and Esai filmed a fight scene, similar to the one that Rebecca filmed with him.

I’m very interested as well to find out how the White Widow will help somehow Ethan, as she did in the previous film. I think she’s a grey character, but she wouldn’t betray our team.

Esai is definitely not the only villain, but right now it’s hard to say who is who. Even though we have many set pics now there is literally nothing we know about the plot so it’s hard to figure out where this is going with the new characters. 

As far as antagonists go Chris confirmed that Eugene Kittridge -Henry Czerny- will be back. We haven’t seen him so far but he is bond to make appearance at some point.

We also just got a confirmation that Erica Sloan - Angela Basset- is back as well . I would think she might be the head of IMF instead of Alan Hunley - Alec Baldwin’s character, but you might as well be right and Shea is replacing him. So far we have seen Shea on set in Rome taking part in one of the scenes of the car chase as well as in Venice heading to the gala event at Doge’s Palace. That might be a bit of too much action for the head of IMF but simingly he might be an operative like say Agent Brandt.

I think Pom’s character had a gun in Rome chase scenes that she also took part in. From what we know she has also been filming the gala scene at the Doge’s Palace. I think there is a 50/50 chance of her character being good/bad.

I agree that Hayley seems to be a wayward agent of a sort, maybe similar story to Ilsa or August Walker. She is an agent but has her own agenda and we probably wouldn't know which side she is on until the very end of the film/films.

Honestly no idea about White Widow, just hoping that fight scene with Ilsa that was cut from Fallout will happen this time:) I think they keep White Widow around because she has valuable connections and also the daughter of a former team member. Maybe she procures some information for the team or a contact for whatever happens in Venice.

[ansgar-martinsson]

Fair Winds and a Following Sky - Part 7

Nowhere, Oklahoma. Two Years Ago

“That can’t be true,” he pulled her hand gently away from her head. “Come on, now, Anna. How could you have been responsible for his death if he’d had a heart attack?”  

“He... he,” she sniffed, then gulped. “He was... Mama T always called him the black sheep of the family, if you know what I mean.”

“Was he some sort of criminal?”

“No,” she flapped a hand, “nothing like that.” 

His expression darkened. “Did he hurt you?” 

“No! Of course not!” Anna met his eye, her own stern and harsh, willing him to understand. “No. Not Charlie. Never. He was gentle, and kind. He was... he loved me, he did. He was... he was perfect, Alan. He was good to me, believe me.” 

He shook his head. “Then how do you mean he was the... the black sheep? I don’t understand.”

“He didn’t want to be in the family business, you see?” she explained. “He’d majored in finance just like his papa wanted, and he was in all the right fraternities, and all that, but when it came down to it,” she sighed, “all he wanted was to be something else. To do something else.” 

“What was it he wanted to do?” 

Anna peered at him, eyes slightly narrowed. “Why do you want to know all this? Why do you care?”

He sat back, and lifted his eyes to the ceiling in thought. “I don’t honestly know,” he said, shifting his gaze back to her. “I don’t know why I care. I’m usually not the most attentive person, but for some reason, I feel like you need someone to listen to you. So,” he smiled. “I’m here, I suppose. I also...,’ he sighed. 

“You also... what?”

“I guess what I’m saying is... and it’s quite odd for me to say it... that I also feel as if I may be able to sympathize. That I... just might understand what you’re going through.” He opened a palm to her. “So, go on. I’ll listen. Tell me about Charlie.” 

“He wanted to be a kindergarten teacher. He wanted to go back to school, get another degree, and teach little kids for the rest of his career.” 

He blinked. “What was so wrong with that? Not very lucrative, mind you, but certainly that is a noble profession. Where I’m from, teachers are held in very high regard.” 

“But....” she cringed. 

“Ah,” he nodded sagely. “But it diverged significantly from the Travidge family model of vocation, correct?” 

“If by that you mean he didn’t want to go into the family business, then, yeah.” 

He leaned forward, his chin cupped in his hand. “But what does this have to do with how he died, and moreover, your... alleged... involvement in it.”

“You know,” she sighed, “how they say that sometimes people want their cake and to eat it too?” 

He frowned. “I suppose.”

“Well, the Travidges... Mama Travidge, especially, well, she wanted me to sort of... steer Charlie back into the fold, to talk to him, ask him... tell him that I thought he should take that vice presidency his father offered him. He listened to me, he always did. Mama thought... well, she thought he would listen to me about that too.” 

“Did you do that? Did you... have that particular conversation?” 

She bowed her head and scrubbed at her high forehead, pinching the aching bridge of her nose. “Yes,” she sniffed, “I did. And... and I feel terrible for it.” 

“Did you actually want him to do that? To take that job and forego his desires?” 

“Of course not! Why would I want him to do that?” she curled her hands into anguished claws. “I wanted him to do what made him happy. Working with kids, teaching... that’s what made him happy.” 

“Then, I don’t understand....” 

She sighed and rolled her eyes with self disgust. “Mama Travidge was... is... a powerful woman,” she explained as calmly as her tears would allow. “She has connections that reach far and wide... even as far as Oljato, even within the Navajo nation.”

He squinted. “So, you’re saying that... she somehow... bribed you?”

“That’s exactly what she did!” Anna slapped her hand angrily on the table, the melting ice in the tea glasses clinked in protest. “She threatened my father...the only family I had left. Said she’d ruin him, close down his tour company, use her influence to push him out of his share of the hotel... I... I couldn’t let that happen.” 

“I understand,” he nodded. And I’ve used that very threat, or something similar myself from time to time, he thought. “You did what you had to do.”

“That’s just it. I didn’t have to,” the admission rasped like sandpaper in her throat. “I could have trusted Charlie. I could have told him what his mother had done, could have told him the truth, but... I was too afraid. So,” she shrugged, taking a deep, shaking breath, “I told him I wanted him to take the job, to work for the family business.” She met his eyes, hers once again awash with saline, rims red and rheumy. “And he... we argued. It was... horrible, Alan. He... we said some things to each other that were downright awful. And then... then... I found him the next morning.”

“Found him... dead, you mean?” His voice was soft, as was his touch on her trembling hand.  

“Yes. Dead.” 

He leaned forward, and gripped her hand tighter. “And you are telling me that this woman... this... Mama... that she turned around and blamed you for her son’s death? Is that what you mean by ‘have her cake and eat it too’?”

“That’s exactly what I mean,” she cried. “I did what she wanted, did exactly as she told me, and when it didn’t work? When she didn’t get her ‘boy’ where she wanted him because he’d died? She turned on me, she ruined my relationship with the rest of her family.. and what’s worse? She still destroyed my father’s business! Ruined him... ruined him so bad he killed himself!”

“Oh, Anna,” he breathed. “My God. I can’t imagine what that was like for you. I am so sorry.” 

She collapsed in wracking sobs, then, her face buried in her hands. “God, Alan,” she wailed. “I miss my azhé'é, my dad. I miss Charlie... so much. So much it kills me every day. I can’t help but think I did... that I did kill him, kill Charlie. I betrayed him, you know? I hurt him something bad, demanded things of him that I shouldn’t have. And now he’s gone, and I have no one. I don’t fucking even know what to do with myself -- and now you’re here, and you’re going to leave, and... and....” 

He stood and took her quickly with him, all the more to envelop her in his arms. “Hey. It’s okay. I am here,” he murmured, pressing a kiss to her temple. “I am. And I’ll stay, for a while, if that’s what you want of me.” He held her, simply held her in silence for as long as she needed. He felt her warm to him, her tears on the fabric of his shirt, felt her arms rise to return the embrace, her fingers curving in to clutch at the muscles of his back. 

I may not be the most empathetic man, but I know what it is to lose someone, he thought. I know what it is to blame yourself for the loss. I do it every day, every hour, every moment. I gave her everything of myself, and I lost it all when she went away. I’m a worthless, empty shell of the man I was. I need to heal too - and maybe, just maybe, for a while, we can heal each other. 

“Alan?” She pulled back slightly, sniffed, and lifted her eyes to his, her gaze shifting back and forth between his eyes. 

“Yes?” he whispered. His breath hitched in his chest. He swallowed. “What is it, Anna?” 

“I think, maybe, I’ll leave the upstairs door unlocked from now on.”

He gave a quiet, sad smile. “You sure?”

And for her answer, she lifted up on her toes, grasped his hair by the ponytail, dropped her gaze to his mouth, and pressed her lips, warm, soft, and spicy, to his. 

Ansgar Martinsson’s Flat, 21 July 0124 hours.

He leaned heavily against the doorframe, his arms crossed over his chest, the document from the Navajo Nation Courts crumpled in his tight, shaking fist. He’d read it on the screen, printed it, and read it again, again, over and over again until his fury threatened to boil over. 

She shifted on the bed in front of him, murmuring what Ansgar thought may have been something in Navajo, for the words certainly weren’t in English or anything he’d heard before. She’d been sleeping for nearly fourteen hours, and he knew, given her state, she’d likely sleep through the night. But, that was an acceptable thing, she needed it. 

And there was something else she needed.

She needed her life back. Or a life... 

He knew, deep down, and even without talking to his American lawyers, that there was no chance of getting her ranch back. It had belonged to the Travidges, was hers only by marriage, and by circumstance and an infuriating (well, ingenious, actually) way of working things, it was once again in the hands of the Travidges. 

Her deceased father’s business, however, was an entirely different story. 

He pulled the guest room door closed with a soft ‘click’, and stepped toward his workout room, fully intent on an hour’s worth of pounding his ire out on the heavy bag in spite of the ungodly late hour. 

(A/N) - Heading out on vacation. This story will be on hiatus for a short time. 

[gothamdetected-a]

an idiot’s guide to the wayne family.

now complete with new diagrams! i wish i wash kidding, ive really made a diagram to help illustrate this.

[ follow the link here for actual visible quality. thanks tumblr.]

some points to make quickly -

• this is not complete. there were probably more siblings and wives and children, but i just focused on the main lineage i could piece together from DC knowledge

• apologies for the lack of knowledge on the women in the family past the last century. this is unfortunately common in real life too, as women were not landowners etc, and without a marriage certificate they basically don’t show up on records. dc happily talk about the male line but not about the wives and daughters so :/

• the dates are fairly made up, and especially at the bottom are just me twisting things to fit my own personal canon

• and finally, i just wanted to say that while this is pieced together from what DC have told us, there are a lot of holes that i have filled with headcanons. not all of this is canon. sometimes i just want to give a person a cool life that dc are too cowardly to do.

so, although this varies by “earth”, i have tried to combine the various histories given for pre- and post-52 waynes into a full comprehensible timeline. i’ve probably failed, but this is what i’m sticking with.   

to start with we’re supposed to believe that there was a norse guy calling himself the Bat-Man, running around in the 10th century killing frost giants. is it plausible? yes. is it exaggerated? most definitely. am i wiping it from existence because it was one issue in a faintly terrible run that has technically been retconned anyway? absolutely. ignoring that makes the earliest recorded ancestor of the wayne family a man called gawayne de weyne, a french crusader in the 14th century. on some earths he’s called lancelot wayne (too on the nose) or harold wayne (thanks i hate it), so im personally going to retcon that and just say gawayne is it. also because i love the etymological aspect of the name beginning as de weyne in old high french and it slowly changing through out the centuries. gawayne, also sometimes written as gevain, was one of the knights sent to retrieve the holy grail, but, as knights tended to do, he died. sorry gawayne. the weirdest part about all of this is that he asked for his heart to be embalmed, and there’s a plot line revolving around this (batman: scottish connection). now i’m not saying that madness runs in the family, but the waynes absolutely do not get a good head start in history. 

gawayne must have had at least one surviving heir who goes on to have babies etc etc, and eventually we get to the 16th century, and the next instance of the waynes. specifically, contarf wayne. which, i have to say, super dumb name. if i ever have a kid, im calling it contarf. so it’s now the 1500s and the waynes have somehow become scottish, probably from getting given land after crusading and that. apparently gawayne was aknight of the scottish court, despite being french, which actually happened a lot back then. literally the only notable thing contarf does with his life is build castle wayne, and i swear these people are all born with both madness and a flair for the dramatic. yes at some point bruce does go to this gloomy scottish castle where it’s always rainy and stormy and fits right on in, so that’s terrifying.

around a hundred years later nathaniel wayne tries to emigrate across to the “new world”. nathaniel likes witchhunting, and has come over to what will one day be the US following a witch fleeing from england - annie. annie who he may have dated. annie who may be pregnant with his child. good on you nathaniel, that’s a healthy relationship you’ve got right there. after the baby is delivered, he finds her and. you know, people were not kind of witches back then, so she dies. and with her dying breath, curses nathaniel and all his descendants. which includes her OWN BABY (super punk move), and one day bruce wayne. this curse manifests in very few of the extant waynes surviving beyond 40, often going mad, and absolutely tuning on each other. nathaniel’s particular grisly end comes when his is the fateful colony that ends up in what-will-one-day-be-gotham (see my idiots guide to gotham for more juicy details), releasing the deacon blackfire from his little cave and ending up missing, presumed dead. (definitely dead). this is the start of the “waynes probably should avoid gotham” saga. spoiler alert - they don’t. 

somewhere in the interluding 100 years, a branch of the waynes do actually successfully make it over into the americas. 2 brothers, caleb and thomas simon wayne, reach the east coast from britain, and go their separate ways. caleb joins a convoy heading out west, leading a wagon train, and, as so many pioneers do, he also dies, while trying to make this trip. but caleb really isnt the interesting brother here (sorry man), because what thomas gets up to is far more exciting. he settles in, lo and behold, the newly formed town of gotham, and for some strange reason (probably because all the waynes are fairly nuts, as we’ve established at this point) decides to give devil-worshipping a go. maybe its fucking curse. maybe its something in the water. maybe its maybelline. but whatever it is, thomas wayne tries to summon and ensnare the demon barbatos by killing some innocents, in a wild, but understandable, attempt to gain immortality. he doesn’t succeed. or does he. it half works - instead of summoning the bat-demon (yes the same bat-demon that the founding fathers later summon and also trap beneath gotham) he gets one of darkseid’s hyper-dimensional bounty hunters, and some how, through some space age magic, the energy of this event corrupts him into agelessness/slowed ageing, we’re not totally sure. later dear old tom pops back up as the villainous dr simon hurt, and literally fights his own descendant. DC give no fucks. 

after the whole corrupting not-magic thing, but before he disappears, thomas/simon impregnates one of his cult’s disciples. a lot. (is this why the waynes can look 30 at 50? more on this at 10) and between 1747 and 1771 (because immortal people also have immortal sperm apparently), she bears him 3 sons. probably some daughters too but again, who cares about that. not DC, that’s for damn sure. these sons are all absolutely fucking insane, just like daddy dearest. the eldest, who is LITERALLY known as “mad” anthony wayne, is said to be the spitting image of bruce, which is confirmed through some time travelling bs that we’re not going to think about. anthony and horatio wayne, the middle brother, both sign up to fight in the revolutionary war. unfortunately THE CURSE STRIKES AGAIN and horatio perishes while burning british ships. anthony goes on to becomes a brigadier general, serving directly under george washington and pulls some crazy good strategies that help to kick the british out of new jersey, earning his nickname of “mad” anthony, because only someone fucking nuts could come up with these plans, and pull them off. the youngest brother darius wayne is only 4 when the war breaks out, and is therefore too Babey to fight, but does later become notable for being the man to start construction on wayne manor. in 1795, using the money inherited from his brother horatio on his death, he hires an architect nathan van derm, to begin planning and building. sadly darius will never see it completed, with funds dwindling and his older brother’s death, eventually darius takes his own life. 

not to worry, he leaves behind 2 sons - herkimer and charles wayne. literally herkimer’s only notable feature is that he fights in the war of 1812. sorry my guy, DC hate you. charles, on the other hand, is a businessman, who manages the failing company his father had left behind and starts to grow the wayne fortune. charles buys more land surrounding the manor, as well as a lot of general gotham real estate, and is the man accrediting for starting wayne enterprises as a series of several small business, ranging from merchant trading to land ownership to mining, in 1845. however charlie contracts tuberculosis at the ripe old age of 62 and shuffles off the mortal coil. 

the oldest of his sons, charles lincoln wayne, also known as charles junior, does 2 things - begins construction on the wayne manor again in 1855 after purchasing it back from jerome k. van derm, the destitute son of the original architect, who had been living in the bones of the construcion, and uses a considerable portion of his inheritance to build the gotham botanical gardens in 1870. the next son, winslow wayne, is another enigma - the only thing mentioned about him in the comics is that he fought alongside teddy roosevelt, which i’m guessing is in the spanish-american war. but the youngest two brothers, joshua thomas and solomon zebadiah wayne are the real spicy pair. not only do they tackle the bat infestation on the manor grounds, but the pair work to change the federal system of america - joshua, when he’s not managing the wayne companies, is an abolitionist who engages in secret missions to free slaves by getting them across the border into canada, and solomon, the vaguely more sensible of the two, becomes a judge, attempting to be as fair and incorruptible as possible. sadly joshua is killed due to his slave smuggling antics (THE CURRSSEE), and this sends solomon slightly nuts, and causes him to contract the architect cyrus pinkney, who is even more nuts, to basically. build gotham. these two men are the reason 97% of buildings have gargoyles on them. 

solomon has only 1 child before he dies, who fortunately, grows up to be a very shrewd businessman capable of growing wayne ent even through with the advent of shipping and rail sectors. this man, alan wayne, constructs the original wayne tower in 1888, and it completely swamps the gotham skyline. he also marries catherine van derm, the great granddaughter of the original architect of wayne manor, and finally manage to complete and move in to the building in 1895, exactly 100 years after the project was started. for a while they are very happy, and catherine falls pregnant. but this darn curse just won’t leave these wayne boys alone, and in 1897, catherine dies giving birth to their son, kenneth wayne. a year later, lost and traumatised and going insane thinking about his wife’s death alan wayne mysteriously disappears (read as: fell down a well and was maybe or maybe not tortured and killed by the court of owls). 

kenneth wayne, raised as virtually an orphan, turns out to have his papa’s business management skills, and, foreseeing america's impending industrialisation in the 20s and 30s, makes some risky moves that pay off, including the advent of wayne chemicals, and wayne ent expands yet again. kenneth, like the recurring pattern that you can see here, dies fairly early due to WW2 however, leaving his wife laura to care for their 4 sons AND the company, which she does like a boss ass bitch. seriously, women barely had the vote and she was already a titan of industry and raising 4 teenage boys like. massive props to you babe. these boys are

ishmael wayne, a whaler who is an incredible parody of captain ahab and also dies trying to catch a white whale, elwood wayne, who goes and reclaims what is now called waynemoor castle in scotland, living there until his death, silas wayne, who may or may not be a thief posing as a wayne because the real silas died, AND at long last, patrick wayne - bruce’s granpappy, who founded the wayne tech arm of the company at 20 years old, aiding the war effort, and where this stupidly long post ends, because there is 0 point in me recounting the lives of thomas, bruce, or any of his children. everyone knows them. could i write more about thomas’ siblings and the kanes and how they tie in? yes. but this post is like 2100 words long and i want to sleep at some point today so this will have to do askjdbjsdhgf

[this-is-a-love-story-fleabag]

The Wedding Planner (2/4)

An AU in which Fleabag is a wedding planner, and Klare and Claire have found the perfect Catholic church to get hitched in... 1461 words. Chapter 1.Also on ao3.

"That's... interesting, wow," the priest was saying, looking both polite and extremely uncomfortable. The bride's godmother was clinging tightly to his bicep. The father of the bride was standing mildly in the background with his usual level of understanding of the situation, namely none.

Her dress was voluminous, lacy, and pure, brilliant white.

Nonchalantly, the wedding planner made her approach, swiping the glass of merlot from the table as she went.

With a practised ease, she managed to trip when she was a foot or so away from her godmother, and sent the dark red wine flying straight over the front of her dress, miraculously missing the priest.

"Oops," she said, very convincingly.

"I prefer the last one," said the priest, putting down the bouquet on the florist's counter.

The wedding planner was inspecting the peonies in minute detail, her nose crinkling in a way that he was trying very hard not to find adorable. "Me too."

He ran his eye over the other flower arrangement, the soft purples of the freesias soothing and pleasant. "It's a bit more subtle."

"Elegant, yeah." It would be so easy just to reach out and kiss her.

"I just think the baby's breath is a bit..."

She nodded. "Yeah. Definitely that one."

The florist took careful note of their choices and disappeared into the back of the shop without a word.

The priest examined the pollen coating his fingers and did his best to wipe it off on his trousers. "Has my knowledge of flower arranging made me seem more cool or less cool?" he asked, fairly certain that he could predict the answer.

"Much more cool, obviously."

"Knew it."

Hillary was making herself quite at home on the priest's shoulder as he made himself comfortable with a drink in the desk chair. "Do guinea pigs even get married?" he asked. "Are they monogamous?"

"I think they mate for life," said the wedding planner, pouring herself a generous glass of the Business Rum she kept in the bottom of the filing cabinet.

"What about hamsters?" He nodded to where Stephanie was trying to climb inside a coffee mug.

"Female hamsters sometimes kill the male partner after mating, so I'd say they'd be a less appropriate mascot."

He shrugged. "I don't know, if you want repeat customers I guess you've got to break up the marriage somehow."

"That's beautiful, Father, you should put that in your speech at the wedding."

Hillary began to nibble politely on his ear and he manoeuvred his head to get away from her teeth without dislodging her from her perch. "If you were getting married, what would you want the priest to say?"

"I'd want you to say, 'Stop the wedding! Let's go and fuck in a hotel room instead'."

"Come on, you must have thought about it."

"I've thought about it a lot." She gave him a lascivious look over the top of her glass.

"I mean your wedding."

Crossing one long leg over the other, she threw her hands up in surrender. "I genuinely haven't. I'm sorry to disappoint you."

He leaned forwards on his elbows, drawn towards her like a flower to the sun, and laughed. "You really are a fucking enigma."

"I try to cultivate an air of mystery. How about you? Did you used to plan your big day? Get your Action Man dolls to dress up and hold hands?"

He wriggled a little, feeling uncomfortably exposed. She crowed with laughter.

"You did!"

"It wasn't my Action Men."

"Uh-huh."

He winced. "I used my brother's Care Bears."

"What's the opposite of an enigma? You're that."

"I'm Alan Turing?"

"Oh god, I fancy a nerd."

"Fuck off."

"Does your alarm clock work? You haven't taken out the batteries to use in your vibrator again, have you?"

"Claire! I'm a professional adult."

"Sorry."

"My vibrator is mains-powered these days."

"I really need you to take this seriously."

"I will."

"No, really, there are very important people who will be attending."

"It'll be fine."

"Just don't be... you."

"Am I ever?"

It was the morning of the wedding and the priest was pacing around the church, anxiously checking on all of the preparations.

"Is there supposed to be a glass of red wine on this table?"

"Yes," said the wedding planner, smoothly steering him away. "I'm going to need it later."

"You and me both," he mumbled.

"Nervous?"

He wrinkled his nose and squinted adorably. "A tad."

"I'd recommend a quickie in the broom cupboard to take your mind off things, but..."

He looked for a moment as though he were considering her suggestion, wild eyes focusing helplessly on her lips.

"Yeah, no, best not," he decided, unconsciously running a finger up and down the spine of the bible in his hand.

"Ungh!"

"Unf!"

"Ah! Fuck!"

"OK, I think that's got it."

A pause. "Are you sure?" asked Claire.

"Yeah," panted her sister, tying the laces of the corset in a final knot. "They should really consider getting a hitching post installed if they're going to carry on doing weddings."

"At least this one's a sensible length," said Claire, inspecting herself in the mirror. She cut a lovely figure in her blush-pink calf-length dress, the gauzy fabric lending a softness to her austere frame. "Do you remember the poofy skirt on the last one?"

"I remember having to help you go to the toilet."

"Don't remind me."

"You were all-"

"Don't remind me," she said, more sharply. "All right?"

"OK, OK, Jesus."

"That's Maria and Johan," she murmured into Claire's ear, pointing out a couple on the other side of the room and consulting the family tree on her phone. "Klare's first cousins, once removed."

"All right, and who's that one in the green dress?" asked Claire in an undertone. They were hiding in the organ loft while their friends and family filed into the church, scoping out the crowd.

"That's our cousin Charlotte."

She squinted. "Fat Charlotte?"

"She lost weight."

"Obviously. God."

Claire sipped her champagne nervously and tapped her foot. Her sister laid a hand on her arm to give it a comforting squeeze.

"It's all under control," she reassured her.

"Aren't you just so dreadfully chic!" shrieked a voice from below.

"And that's my cue."

"That's... interesting, wow," the priest was saying, looking both polite and extremely uncomfortable. The bride's godmother was clinging tightly to his bicep. The father of the bride was standing mildly in the background with his usual level of understanding of the situation, namely none.

Her dress was voluminous, lacy, and pure, brilliant white.

Nonchalantly, the wedding planner made her approach, swiping the glass of merlot from the table as she went.

With a practised ease, she managed to trip when she was a foot or so away from her godmother, and sent the dark red wine flying straight over the front of her dress, miraculously missing the priest.

"Oops," she said, very convincingly.

"You-" started her godmother, rage building through the syllable. "You-"

"I actually happen to have another dress in your exact size right through here," she said smoothly, laying a hand on the small of her back and steering her towards a side room. She spluttered and fumed as the door was closed firmly in her face.

"Hi, Dad," said the wedding planner, kissing him on the cheek.

"That was very naughty," he said mildly, looking unperturbed.

"I know," she said with no contrition whatsoever. "Claire's in the organ loft, go and bring her downstairs and wait for my cue."

"All right, darling. You look, er, very... yes," he tailed off, wandering up the stairs.

"I can't believe how fucking smooth you made that look," said the priest in an undertone, leaning close, his eyes wide and twinkling with mirth.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," she said, and reached out to straighten his purple vestment.

As she ran her hands over the smooth fabric on his shoulders, he let out an exhalation that was unsuited to a man of God. Bringing up one hand to cup her cheek, he trailed a thumb over her red lips before stealing a kiss, just one swift, close-mouthed press of the lips. She made a soft little sound and pressed her body closer to his, winding a hand into his dark hair.

The approaching sound of Claire's heels clicking on the wooden staircase broke them apart. He spun away and wiped the lipstick from his mouth while the wedding planner tried very hard not to look too smug.

"Right," said Claire between her teeth, tension evident in every line of her body. "Let's get this over with."

"Claire," said her sister softly, holding her by the upper arms. "Take a deep breath in... and let it out... OK?"

Claire did as instructed, and some of the nervous energy seeped out of her. "OK."

"You're marrying the man you love today," said the wedding planner, her usual armour of ironic detachment giving way to something startling in its sincerity, her eyes gentle as she connected with her sister. "That's the only thing that matters."

Claire smiled at this, a tight, guarded little thing, but a smile nonetheless.

"Alternatively, I've got a getaway car right outside if you want to blow this whole thing off and elope to Hawaii."

That elicited a laugh, and finally Claire squared her shoulders and raised her head high, ready to march on.