#she feels *compelled* to — selflessly!

[widowshill]

“He is not to them what he is to me,” I thought: “he is not of their kind. I believe he is of mine;—I am sure he is—I feel akin to him—I understand the language of his countenance and movements: though rank and wealth sever us widely, I have something in my brain and heart, in my blood and nerves, that assimilates me mentally to him.” Jane Eyre, XVII.

18 / 139 / 91 / 78 / 2 / 12 / 75 / 80 / 75

[kyouka-supremacy]

hii again!! thank you for answering my asks hehe 😊🤭

Going off from your response (about the bsd ladies ✨), I have some random questions for you 💗

Who is your favourite bsd *female* character?

Who is one female character you'd want to rewrite?

And who is the female character you see the most wasted potential in?

No pressure btw!

Omg hi thank you so much for this ask I love sharing opinions almost as much as I love talking about women 💞💞💞

Favourite bsd *female* character?

All of them LMAO. But Kyouka holds a special place in my heart <3 I mean, I think she's quite objectively the best written female character in this series, if anything because she gets an actual character arc beyond the two occasional chapters of spotlight. I really like the inherent duality of her character in being both a skilled assassin and a little girl (and how it can be both tragic and hilarious! The versatility). Her character arc is sincerely compelling, I'm a sucker for any character who's just doing their very best to be a good person even when it feels like going against their nature. Her backstory is so tragic! Her relationship with her ability is so interesting! But I just love how truly… Strong-willed she is, how determined and resolute she can be; she's truly inspiring. If you ask me, she's got that charm of magical girls anime: sometimes you really need to see little girls defeat unimaginable evils with the power of love to heal your heart. And the fact that she doesn't really fit the trope of happy-go-lucky girl is all the more capturing!! Again, I really love the interior conflict - or coexistence - between her dark, ruthless side, and the side that likes bunnies and crepes and girly things; it makes her so authentically and unmistakably Kyouka. I appreciate how she's the only character who can sort of keep up with the protagonist role to ss/kk and s/kk, and she's only 14 eheh. And I LOVE her interactions with the other characters, so much!!!! I adore her relationship with Atsushi (truly. Not even remotely close to how much I talk about them), and I feel like they truly deserve each other in a lot of ways. The way Kyouka's sharp attitude and blunt personality fit and mitigate Atsushi's eternal indecisiveness and insecurity and the way Atsushi reminds Kyouka every day that she can do good and that she is good. How they saved each other and how they keep saving each other every day. I've said it a lot of times that Atsushi is profoundly selfish and that all good actions he does are to be traced back to some twisted conception of self-survival, but if there's really anyone Atsushi loves selflessly and unconditionally, that has to be Kyouka. If there is such a thing as platonic soulmates, Kyouka and Atsushi definitely are for me; they're just so siblings in a way I can't even put in words. AND AND AND her relationship with Akutagawa I've talked about endlessly before!!! Her relationship with Dazai!!! KOUYOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Kyouka and Kouyou chapter my beloved aka the only bsd chapter to pass the Bechdel test). Omg potentially Yosano!!!!! Kenji Kenji Kenji!!!!!!!!! I just. Love Kyouka a lot okay she gets me emotional. Kyouka supremacy forever. (Also, she's dubbed by beloved tpn Emma va Sumire Morohoshi :') )

*Catches breath*

One female character you'd want to rewrite?

Ah, as of now, definitely Teruko. Here's the story I imagine her having: she fought the Great War by Fukuchi's side, as her second in command; despite what her appearance may have looked like back then, she's about the same age as him. She doesn't love or worship him, but she surely admires him a lot; they were comrades and she learnt from him a lot of her ideals on how soldierse have to stain their hands and do horrible, ruthless things in order for the majority of citizens to live safe and happy. She learnt to adore the cause because of him, and she's very loyal to her uniform. She started dressing as a young girl after the war ended, as a way to negate the cruel and traumatic experience of war in her mind and withdraw to the unknowing, happy times of childhood (while still staying her and self-aware; it's just an ephemeral relief). The rest of the story proceeds pretty much as it is in canon, but when Fukuchi reveals to her that he's actually a terrorist working with the doa, she doesn't side with him. She actually feels throughout betrayed, because he had been this pillar of justice and integrity for her, and knowing he was actually a terrorist left her shell-shocked. She DOES act like she's following him, because she is smart and experienced and she knows that she can't take him on her own (differently from Tachihara and Jouno who faced him alone with no backup. Lol. They're a little stupid.), and waits for the moment he lets his guard down to strike and impale him. AND NOT BECAUSE HE ASKED HER TO. WHICH IS HONESTLY TERRIBLE UNDER EVERY ASPECT. Insert here a flashback with her backstory and how Fukuchi himself taught her that justice comes before anything else, because it's the prime tool to serve citizens and pursue world peace. Interior turmoil and trauma for killing the person she respects the most ensues. Now that's how I would write Teruko, because I care about her.

Female character you see the most wasted potential in?

Probably Naomi!!! I love how sly and ingenious she is even in spite of not having an ability, I really hope we'll get to see more of her. I like the theory of her being a projection of Jun'ichirou's ability, although I acknowledge it's problematic in the way it takes away even more agency from her character; even then, it would be cool if she took the form of some kind of sentient ability like Gab in 55 Minutes, or if Jun'ichirou himself was a projection of Naomi (eh. a girl can dream). I really like @frankenjoly's headcanon that she and Mori would be besties, I think about it a lot ahah, I can really see it.

ALSO Higuchi and her ability C'MON I know it's there!!! It MUST be there because bsd so far has been following a very strict pattern where all characters named after writers have abilities, while non ability users are named after novels' characters or non-writers irl people (not to talk about Sakunosuke Oda's The Literature of Possibility passage that's mentioned at the start of the Dark Era novel, with the novel creating a DIRECT connection between writers irl and ability users in the bsd world). I really really hope after this arc is over we'll get an Higuchi arc!!!!

That said, pretty all characters I feel have wasted potential pffttt. Give Lucy and Yosano more screentime!! BRING KOUYOU BACK!!!!!! Finally elaborate on Agatha who's the only female organization leader!!!!! Gin!!!!!!! Wells!!!!!!!!!!

[greensaplinggrace]

🔥 Luda & Aleksander

I don't really know of any unpopular opinions about this? Just because I feel like it isn't talked about enough. But here are some of my thoughts:

The flashback with Luda and Aleksander was decent, but it failed to convey the exact traumas which drive Aleksander, and the core motivations that make up a large part of his character. If they'd had the Lusander flashback whilst also adding the DiTW flashback at a later time, I wouldn't have minded, but since they only included the Lusander one it felt as if it really flattened his character.

The specific brand of trauma that comes with growing up without touch, being completely isolated, and being shunned for being both grisha and shadow summoner within your own community, is largely glossed over in the show.

The way he internalizes what happens, the way his trust is explicitly fostered and then broken, the way he craves connection and friendship so much he abandons all caution. The way he was going to be killed not because someone hated him, but because they were so desperate for survival they thought the only solution was to literally betray him and wear his bones. The absolute perverse and invasive way he would have died and been desecrated. Like there is a specific brand of horror to his situation that was lost with the Luda and Aleksander flashback. In fact it practically erases all significance tied to being an amplifier at all.

The lack of the DiTW flashback also serves to erase half of his character and the depth of it. We never get to see how his immediate response to Annika trying to kill him was to offer help and to offer protection - completely selflessly and not in any way as a means of manipulation to save himself. He underwent a horror so extreme and all he could do was wish he could make her situation better. So that she would never have to hurt him, and she would never have to be afraid enough to do so.

The way his empathy and compassion and protectiveness is shown. The way he internalizes his trauma in such a way that all he can think about is creating a safe place for his fellow grisha and for himself, and the way this also just severs his connection to mortality and mortals so completely. The Lusander flashback just doesn't touch on it at all, and even Luda's mortality and the realization of it feels off, because it should have happened to him ages ago.

I thought the Lusander scene was decent at showing the persecution of his people, but it lacked any real horror. And the way he acted with Luda was just slightly too off for me, although I can understand how it fit into his show character more, and maybe if Luda is his first real love in centuries after his trauma with Annika, it would make more sense.

But all in all, I don't know if it's an unpopular opinion, but I'm not really a fan of Lusander or the way they did the flashback. It was okay, but I'm not giving it any awards. At least it properly conveyed how fucked up grisha persecution and the lantsovs are, and at least it gave a more reasonable explanation for the fold not being the tactical boon it could have been.

I also like how the existence of Luda in his past creates some compelling ways for him to relate that trauma to the people in his life. Like I think he sees Luda in Mal, and he sees his relationship with her in Alina and Mal's relationship. It could have been done well if it was incorporated with his book history, but as it is, it feels like the writers took the easy way out.

send me a 🔥 for an unpopular opinion (x)

[brasideios]

WIP Game: A Story Set in Sparta and Eukleidas, please!

Happy to oblige 😊

Eukleidas, also subtitled The Wrestler, is little more than the first stirrings of a new story, a couple pages long atm.

It begins:

The thunder rolled across the sky, reverberating and amplified in the colonnade overlooking the palaestra. Eukleidas paused on his path towards the wooden archway which led out onto the Hyakinthian Way, almost bewitched by the sudden intensity of the downpour; his ears crowded with the muted hammering of rain against roof tiles, the air filled with the heady scent of rain hitting dry ground, parched after the long dry of summer. He was carrying a faded red chiton and he began to absently wipe away the copious sweat from his shoulders and face, reddened by the just-won bout of wrestling, and saw blood come away from his ear. He dabbed at it again, but as usual, it bled for only a moment. His ears had been damaged so many times, it was almost as though they’d given up trying to contain blood.

A Story Set in Sparta is an accumulation of scenes that I've felt compelled to write over the last few years about Brasidas' life before the beginning of the war, and is focused on him, his foster brother Adimantos, and his first wife, Nikaia. I don't know if it will ever be finished; I tinker with it now and then, and think about it a lot.

Anyway - this is how they meet:

Nikaia was so lost in thought that she wasn’t paying attention to what was going on around her; and the next thing she knew, she was sprawled in the dust with an older boy, a shooting pain in her head where it'd hit the ground, and both knees stinging, no doubt skinned on the stony road surface. She pushed him off, close to tears, but determined not to cry. As she scrambled back to her feet, she snapped, Look where you’re going!  He’d picked himself up, and turned to face her. You look where you’re going!  From the same direction, another boy appeared, taller and more angular in his features. He was holding a fabric bag, filled with what may have been bread, or perhaps vegetables of some kind. He saw her looking and tucked it behind his back. He hissed with great urgency, Brasidas! We have to go! Brasidas. She would remember that. Erata had hurried up. Are you alright, Nikaia?  Brasidas looked from the other boy, to her. He said with a suddenly disarming and entirely charming smile, I apologise for knocking you down, Nikaia.  Then he was gone, his bare feet flying as he and his friend ducked away; a moment later an older boy, perhaps a new hebonte, came around the corner while Erata was still examining the lump on her head. Did two boys run this way? He asked brusquely.  No, Nikaia said promptly. I think I saw them run down that alleyway. She pointed back the way he'd come, to a place where the road led into one of the side streets of Pitana. Thank you, he said, nodding, and turning back.  When he was gone, Erata stood and looked at her strangely. Why did you lie? Nikaia shrugged guiltily. He didn’t mean to knock me down… she paused a moment before adding, and I feel sorry for the boys. They always look so hungry. They turned back towards home, Nikaia walking carefully, wincing at each step. Erata didn't say so, but she thought that this was the first time she had seen her young charge act selflessly, truly kindly. She knew no Spartan should think that way - the boys were meant to suffer, it was what made them warriors; but to her, it had always looked like cruelty - cruelty that had destroyed her life.

[flowers-of-io]

me: *has savathun on her header pic on both mobile and pc, and sathona as icon, writes every second fic about sav, #aunt savathun is probably in the top 5 of most used tags*

me: so my favourite of the osmium sibs is aurash,

[dear-yandere]

In the harbinger shared darling au who do you think would be the first to fall in love and who do you think would take the longest amount of time?

aahhh what an interesting question!!! let’s see...

childe is the first to fall in love. you remind him so much of his siblings, fragile little beings in constant need of his love and protection. he is a man with little interest in romance, so his love for darling is fueled in large part by an existing love he has for his siblings, as he sees them in darling. it’s only when darling’s presence in his life begins making him feel...different does he realize that perhaps this isn’t the type of love he thought he felt. his desire to ruin them, to betray their trust and bind darling to him in a way that the other harbingers can’t, is one that makes him the most dangerous of the harbingers. his morals are so low that it makes you wonder how far he’ll go to make you his.

arlecchino is a close second. she does not let others in easily, but the moment she saw you, all she could feel was pity. as the days turned to weeks, that pity did not fade, because no matter how you’d managed to capture the harbingers’ affections, you are nothing more than a normal, pathetically weak civilian. you remind her so much of the abused and abandoned kids that end up in her orphanage... except you are not afforded the luxuries they are. they are free to grow and to learn, to find family and forge friendships, to go and come as they please so long as they pledge their lives to the tsaritsa. but you... all she can describe you as is a bird trapped in a small, rounded cage. your world is so small, and she wants nothing more than to steal you away to a world where you can be hers, one where you are always under her control and her constant watch.

dottore takes the longest to fall in love because he finds the purpose of love useless. it is an emotion that compels lifeforms to act recklessly and selflessly, and while those parameters do have a place in his research, they disgust him. what dottore feels for you isn’t love, but rather a fond affection like one might have for an amusing pet. losing you wouldn’t damage him too much (he’d miss you of course, but he’d never admit it), and dottore has little willpower to constantly fight for your attentions or affections like the others. his love for darling is more akin to a platonic love, one whose company he can tolerate where he can talk about whatever he sees fit. just.. don’t be fooled. platonic love or not, dottore doesn’t care if his actions come off as anything resembling ‘romantic love’ (which, to your bewilderment, sometimes does). you are something he keeps around for his own curiosity and amusement, nothing more than an experiment for his sick fantasies. the bruises and gauze on your body prove that much.

overall, i think the order would go like this:

childe

arlecchino

columbina

pantalone

scaramouche / pierro *

sandrone

capitano

dottore

outside of childe and arlecchino who fall in “love” with you almost instantly, the harbingers merely feel an intense obsession with darling (columbina, dottore, pierro, childe, scaramouche) or desire to control them (pantalone, sandrone, arlecchino, capitano). the first to truly fall “in love” with darling, at least by the definition of putting darling’s needs above their own, is arlecchino, but even she is a control freak who would slowly descend back into her perfectionism once darling is safely within her control.

bonus:

* scaramouche and pierro do fall in love... but their love isn’t love for you.

in scaramouche’s case, his ‘love’ is one of delusion and hatred... paradoxically so. he does not ‘love’ you for any genuine feelings, though it isn’t quite true to say he doesn’t harbor any genuine affections for you either. sometimes, he finds himself feeling... at peace within your arms. as if the outside world fades away and nothing more can harm him again. but even then, he does not love you, because all you are is a vessel through which he can maybe, possibly, come to love himself.

in pierro’s case, he harbors a love that existed long before you did, a love he held so dearly for his family and his lover of a time long past, a love he never thought he could indulge in again. after all, do failures deserve love? he finds that answer in you, because sometimes you remind him of those happier times. it’s almost as if you’re a stand-in for the people he lost, so one couldn’t possibly call this love. more of an infatuation with who he sees you as or who he wants you to be.

[busybee-studies]

Ok i am so late to the party but I am actually going insane. I love to hate these characters. I really thought Alicent finally wanted to put her kids on the throne, but she was ready to give in to Rhaenyra. All of this is based off a mistake (a tragedy) and out of misguided loyalty to her husband. She toils in service to the men around her. Blood and loyalty to the house and family, that's everything to her.

And she lives by "counting the cost". A curious phrase; possibly an allusion to Luke 14:28, which came up in my google search. We see that she wants to avoid battle and war, she is selflessly devoted to the people. I found that curious because we see that faith to the seven gods is important to her. She dresses like a nun, rebuilt the castle in that seven pointed star she also wears around her neck. She says grace before the supper table.

That passage is a little weird. It talks about the cost of faith (renounce all---even your own life) as well as sending peace offerings when you are outmatched. (She doesn't want to fight, she just wants to follow orders.)

Alicent tries her hand at manipulation and diplomacy (You should've been queen, you can handle Driftmark), she knows that some people are awfully suited to the crown (Viserys the peaceful didn't further the good of the realm. He maintained the status quo.) She knows Aegon will make a terrible King but will follow through anyways. (Raping the handmaid, "You are no son of mine" "You imbecile")

Men are simultaneously to be obeyed and yet guided from their violent and destructive ways.

She reveals though, that she is lost without them (men). Your husband abandoned you for six years, she says, and yet Rhaenys seems to have done fine on her own. We see that she rules in her husband's absence, and originally wanted to petition her own claim. She doesn't really believe that woman can or should rule on their own. Really she resented her father for leaving her when he got fired as position of the hand. We see her venting to that crispy rat about how she has nobody "on her side" and that her father would've been. And we see that he doesn't care about her, he plots to put his grandson on the throne behind her back.

Rhaenys sees right through all of this. And the look on Alicent's face is so haunted and filled with both longing and revulsion at the idea of she herself ruling on the iron throne.

It is so clear that while Rhaenys has a lot to resent team black for, her desires and ambition more closely match team black. She could never be team green because she would never submit and toil in the service of men. She allies with Rhaenyra because she can relate to her, being in the same position all those years ago. All of that is the only reason she can tolerate being on the same team as Daemon.

I do think there is a bias against team green in the writers room, but it's not a turn off for me, because I love to hate Alicent. She is so uptight and repressed, a pawn in her father's game, her children become chess pieces, she's forced into a lonely life as queen with no friends, forced to bear four children as a child herself. She sees it as her duty to guide the king, but we can see that even after all these years she hasn't amassed the love of the people, or power in the courts. She has a place at the table but she is not in charge, she never has the final word. Being Queen, to her, is about duty, not power.

She's the fantasy puritan and I hate her for it. She represents the women that resent the patriarchy but still uphold it. She feels that she can never be free, so she will make the best of it all. She would've been much happier if she were a man. ("but...here we are" we must accept our place in the world) She is a good girl because she fulfills her role.

Her character is so compelling as a foil to Rhaenyra, who we see "does as she pleases." This is not to say that Rhaenyra is a feminist icon, she isn't. She's fiery and ambitious, but also a bit bland. If she wants firstborns to inherit regardless of gender, but would she feel the same if she were a man? In my opinion we haven't seen much personality or initiative, nothing that makes her stand out as a good ruler.

I will do you the considerable courtesy of assuming there is a good reason for the outrage of my treatment here this morning.

My sincerest regrets for the lack of ceremony. 

The King? … And you are usurping the throne?

It was my husband's dying wish. 

scoffs 

Believe it or no, it is of no consequence. Aegon will be king. I came here to ask your support. 

Well, I must credit you for your boldness. 

House Velaryon has long allied itself with the Princess Rhaenyra and what has it gained you? Your daughter dead, alone in Pentos. Your son, cuckolded. Rhaenyra’s heirs are none of yours. It is your husband who grasps so heedlessly for the throne. And even he has abandoned you; gone these six long years to fight a desperate battle, returning grievously, if not mortally wounded; leaving the Lady of Driftmark to chart her course alone. 

The word of my house is not fickle.

No, but, dear cousin, but you understand more than any soul alive understand what I say now—Princess Rhaenys, I loved my husband, but I will speak the truth we both know—you should have been Queen.

I little thought to hear those words from you.

The iron throne was yours by blood and by temperament. Viserys would have lived his days a country Lord content to hunt and study his histories but…here we are. We do not rule, but we may guide the men that do. Gently, away from violence and sure destruction and instead towards peace. 

Ugh. Is it in the name of peace that you’ve imprisoned me? And what of my dragon?

If we are overmatched Rhaenyra will be tempted to strike us and war will ensue. 

Sighs

Without your dragon, she may be persuaded to negotiate. If it’s Driftmark you want, you shall have it, for you and your granddaughters to pass on as you see fit. 

You are wiser than I believed you to be, Alicent Hightower. 

A true queen counts the cost to her people. 

And yet you toil still in service to men. Your father, your husband, your son. You desire not to be free, but to make a window in the wall of your prison. Have you never imagined yourself…on the iron throne?

I’ll leave you with your thoughts. Ring the bell when you have an answer. 

Alicent Hightower and Rhaenys Velaryon

House of the Dragon 1x09 The Green Council

[danses-with-dogmeat]

Romanced companions (fo4) react to a distressed female soul telling them she found out she's turning into a ghoul (she's known it for a while but she's been too afraid to tell them, worrying about how they'd react)

Romanced! FO4 Companions React to F!Sole Turning into a Ghoul

Thank you so much for the ask anon! (and for your patience, I know you sent this one in forever ago 😅)

I always kind of wondered how the companions would react to this if it was a function of the game 🤔 So I'm glad I got to explore it a bit! I hope you enjoy!

Cait:

No. Not her. Not her Sole. Cait thought, unable to grasp the news Sole had just revealed to her. Her partner was too strong, she was too careful. She was from before the bombs, before the radiation! How could this have happened?

In her mind, it would have made a lot more sense for Cait to turn into a ghoul long before Sole. Her arse actually deserved the pain of watching her physical self peel away day by day, but not Sole. Her companion, her partner, the one damn person she actually loved... No, Sole was too good for this. But the two of them, they could beat it, they could reverse it somehow. One of those vaults could hold the answer, like it did for her, even after she had thought it was too late.

Cait didn't want to stop the change because she had anything against ghouls, really, because she doesn't. But she couldn't stand the sight of her luv's face when, at the light brush of her fingers through her once silky locks, she felt them fall to the ground in webbed clumps, Cait couldn't stand the pain in Sole's expression as her skin began to shrivel and peel off, she couldn’t witness one more instance of Sole glancing in a mirror with such immense sadness in her eyes. And Cait became very troubled when she realized that Sole would be here long after she was dead. Cait couldn't stand to face reality without her partner after all that she's done for her, and now Sole was staring that reality in the face. The poor lass had already outlived everyone she's known and loved once, and now she had to do it all over again, who knows how many times? It just wasn't fuckin' fair.

Well, once Cait had accepted Sole's change as permanent, she would do everything in her power to ensure the pair made the most of their years together, giving absolutely no fucks about Sole's new appearance. And should anyone else decide to look at her the wrong way, or, God forbid, say something to her about it, Cait's fist would be unholstered and swinging before the offensive words could even leave their worthless lips.

Curie:

She would feel sorry for Sole, and constantly be there for her as a source of support. When her love had told her what was happening, Curie had been shocked. Sure, she had noticed a few changes in her partner’s body, but she had hoped it wouldn’t be anything too serious. Still, this wasn't the worst that could happen, Curie would know, after all of the diseases and viruses she had worked with in the vault. Yet... the synth still found her chest throbbing at the thought of watching her love deteriorate before her eyes.

Throughout Sole’s change, Curie would do what she could to lessen the symptoms. There was no “cure” for being a ghoul, but Curie would feel awful if she didn’t at least try.

As Sole’s condition became more and more obvious, she would do everything in her power to make sure her partner knew that she still loved her. Curie had been a reprogrammed Miss Nanny when Sole had found her, she'd been nothing more than a metal machine when Sole had selflessly saved her, and yet, she had found a way to love her for who she was, despite what she was, and she had been there every step of the way as she made the change to her synth body. Curie would be happy to return the favor tenfold.

Also, throughout the process of Sole's change, if anyone was rude to her love, about anything, Curie would be at them with harsh words and a firm teacher’s voice as she gave the ill-mannered stranger a quick ghouls-101 education session.

Danse (Post BB):

Oh… Oh God. Not this. Not her, not his beautiful Sole. The ex-paladin’s stomach would drop as she quietly forced out her confession, refusing to meet his wide, despairing gaze.

He didn’t know what to do. Danse was horrified. Not for the first time in his life, he felt like his world was crashing down all around him. Everything good in his life seemed to revolve around the person in front of him, but all of his love, his devotion, all of the effort he put into protecting this one person he had left, that he valued above all else in his life, it was all in vain. Because now… she was turning into something that he had always feared. Something that he had been taught and trained to despise, to think of as vermin that needed to be extinguished. It was the way he felt about himself when he found out what he truly was. He never wanted to feel that way towards her, never thought he would have been able to, and even now… he found that he couldn’t.

It didn’t matter what she was turning into, what she’d become, she was still Sole. And he was committed to her, he was loyal to her. Godammit, he loved her for Christ's sake. He wasn’t about to let this calamitous development change any of that. She certainly hadn’t when it had been him in her place.

Danse would still often have trouble with his internalized prejudices left over from his time with the Brotherhood, but he would try his heart out for her. Every passing day brought more changes to the woman he loved, each one serving as a reminder to what the end result would be, and witnessing it would break his heart into pieces.

It was strange though, it wasn’t as devastating as he had thought it would be, in the beginning. Sole was still herself, even underneath all of the physical changes, she was still here beside him, and in the end, that’s all Danse really needed.

Deacon:

For once, Deacon remained silent. His brows furrowed low beneath his sunglasses and his hand came up to rub at his mouth, as though he were trying to physically pull out a response. He cleared his throat, and his hand went up to remove his glasses so he could look Sole in the eye. A rare sight, one that made her pulse quicken further as the apprehension of her confession really set in.

Deacon had already known, or… suspected, rather, but he hadn’t wanted to believe it. It wouldn’t be the first time the Railroad agent's experienced this kind of dread. When he had found out his wife was a synth, he had felt this same crippling pressure in his chest. But he didn’t say that, Sole didn’t need to hear about his problems, no, not again. Now she needed him to help with hers.

So, the spy would nod at her, and ask her what she needed from him. He's a knowledgeable guy, everyone knows that, Sole most of all, so if she needed anything as far as information on what she was about to go through, he would be able to provide it. Better yet, he could bring her to quite a few folks he knew who had gone through the same sorta hell themselves.

Beyond that, not much else would change. Deacon isn't one to put much stock in a person's physicality, what kinda daft and inconsiderate hypocrite would he be if he did? Hell, he may even speak to a surgeon about altering his appearance to become more ghoul-like if that was something Sole cared about. But honestly? He just would want his partner to know that it didn't matter to him.

"Thought you could get rid of lil old me just by going ghoul? Heh, sorry, cuddle muffin, but it looks like you're still stuck with me."

Sole had been able to forgive him for everything he's done, she hadn't judged or ridiculed him for being a bigoted assface for the first half of his life, and she'd accepted him for the compulsive liar and emotion-dodging, sarcastic smart-ass that he was now; sooooooo, yeah. This whole ghoul thing? Not a problem. Just another glorious and compelling chapter in this wacky book called life.

Hancock:

Hancock becomes the literal epitome of empathy. He knows what this shit's like, he's gone through the motions. He remembers the nightmarish sight of his flesh falling from his body in shriveled tatters, he recalls his once silken voice dissolving to his current raspy timbre, he knows what it's like to see the bright vibrance of his irises vanish over the course of a couple weeks, slowly dissolving to the blackness that he now saw the world through.

But with Hancock, it had been his choice. Okay, so he didn't know for certain that he'd become a ghoul, but he had been ready for it, had known it was at least a possibility. With Sole though, she didn't sign up for this shit. She didn't deserve to go through the same kinda hell he did. He wanted to go through hell, felt like he deserved it. But his gorgeous sunshine? The light of his life, the kindest, most selfless person he'd ever met? Nah. She didn't deserve to watch herself develop the likeness of a certain sorta dehydrated fruit.

Hancock would be sure to tell her every day just how incredible she was, how brave, and strong, and how she was still beautiful beyond belief, no matter what. He would show her how he felt. Showering her in gifts and affection, taking her out to prove to her that he could never even think to be embarrassed by her in any capacity whatsoever. He loved this woman, he cherished her. Every irradiated bit of her.

And now… now the best part. Hancock would try not to seem too overexcited, knowing that this whole process was traumatic and painful for his love, but now he could spend the rest of their lives making her see just how much one person-- one ghoul-- could love another. He'd been terrified out of his mind when he thought he would outlive Sole, by who knows how long. But now… now they had an eternity to spend together, or, however long it is ghouls live for. Whatever, no matter how much time they had, Hancock would never be convinced it would be enough. He just supposes the rest of their long lives will simply have to do.

MacCready:

He'd try not to give away his heartbreak as he gazed back at her, his face draining of all it's color as those fateful words escaped her with a sob. This was a nightmare of MacCready's. He hadn't ever told Sole what he saw that night he had woken up screaming, he had told her he couldn't remember the dream, and she had said "maybe that was for the best." If only he'd been telling the truth. In reality, what he saw was the immensely frightening sight of Sole taking his late wife's place in that horrific memory that was forever burned into his brain. Her body engulfed by a throng of writhing ferals as she shrieked out his name. As with all of his dreams like this, MacCready was rooted to the place he stood, forever imprisoned as a bystander to the brutality taking place before him. The agony only ceased when the pack of feral ghouls dispersed, revealing Sole, now as one of them. She had raced towards him, hunger and madness glinting in the opaque depths of her dark, iris-less eyes. The mercenary couldn't get the image out of his head as he watched the color in Sole's eyes fade away over time, her skin losing its divine smoothness, her soft hair drifting to the ground in wisps of somber defeat.

The couple had cried a lot in those weeks of her change. The process was heart wrenching for the both of them to witness; but MacCready stuck by her side. He could be stronger than his nightmares, than his fears, when it came to Sole.

When the day finally did come when she was referred to as a ghoul by a perfect stranger, MacCready had almost been surprised. It had taken time for her to look this way, to sound this way, and he had hardly noticed the extent to which his partner changed until looking at old renderings and pictures of her from before the bombs. This was just who she was now.

She wasn't a monster, a ravenous zombie that he feared and despised. She was Sole. She still acted like his love, her voice still resembled that of his partner's, her eyes had lightened to a blue that outshone his own, which he was clearly not bitter about, and she still was just utterly his Sole. The same woman he had fallen for in the first place, the one he thought he'd never be lucky enough to be loved by in return. But now, even behind all the changes, he could still see her there, and he could certainly still love her.

The nightmares became much less common after her transformation, oddly enough. And when he finally introduced Sole to Duncan, he was terribly worried that the boy would hate her, that he would remember that traumatic night when the pair had lost a mother and a wife, and that he would be afraid of her. But his son hardly seemed to notice Sole's condition, as he shook her hand and introduced himself with enthusiastic giddiness. Later, Duncan might voice some questions to her about being a ghoul, but they were always out of genuine curiosity.

MacCready couldn't have been more proud of his child than he was then, or more touched than when Duncan expressed his relief at Sole having a skin condition like this, and yet, she was still able to be loved by someone as great as his dad. The boy himself remembered the way people would look at him before he had been cured of his blue boils, and he didn't wish that on anybody, he'd assured both Sole and MacCready of that one day.

No, MacCready couldn't have been more proud. Of his son, sometimes even of himself as he learned to outgrow his fears, how to muscle through his trauma and be the best father and partner he could possibly be; and certainly, he couldn't have been prouder of Sole.

Nick:

Nick would be remarkably sympathetic, taking Sole's hand in his good one comfortingly as she struggled to get out the confession, and having not even a glimpse of a negative reaction in response to her heart-wrenching words.

“Oh, doll… I’m so sorry.” His fingers would stroke over her hand in an effort to comfort her. He had been surprised by the news, but it wouldn’t change anything. He’d assure her of that. No matter what physical changes Sole underwent; the memories of a certain synth, all metal, and fiberglass, and plastic, and the damn near perfect woman who somehow fell for him would fill his mind, and he wouldn’t be able to keep from telling her just how much she meant to him every single day.

Life would go on, they would go out on cases together, and help the people of the commonwealth as they have nearly since the day they met, but if anyone decided to utter a comment as to Sole’s physical state, they would certainly be faced with a stern talking to from one sassy synth.

He tried to not mention it too early on, but Nick wouldn't be unable to keep the thought buried forever. One day, when Sole was feeling especially despondent about her current state, he’d remind her that he’d always be there for her. Always. Now he didn’t have to worry so much about that dreadful and inevitable fast-approaching day that he would have to bid Sole goodbye as she passed away from her old age, leaving him alone on this ruined earth. He’d just have to hope that she would be as comforted by the thought as he was.

Piper:

The news would be hard to grasp at first, and even after she understood what Sole was telling her, she wouldn't know what to do. How can you fix something like this? This was her Blue they were talking about! She could do anything, she'd survived the bombs, had found the Institute, she had found her son after so many years, had done all of that, just to now have to go through this too? Hasn't Sole been through enough?!

Piper would be angry, and she'd feel horrible watching Sole go through the changes, as she was forced to witness her love's physical form deteriorate before her in just a couple short months. Piper would try to tell Sole to keep her chin up, remind her who she was, of everything she's been through, how much she's overcome; and if anyone wanted to bug her partner about being a ghoul, Piper would tear them to shreds with her words, not caring if she made a scene as she made the stranger realize what horrible mistake they had made speaking to Sole like that. She'd rip ‘em a new one for sure, and spend a good portion of the day making sure her love was alright after the ordeal. The reporter knew how much words could hurt.

She would be utterly supportive, and even, if Sole was comfortable with it, might see if she’s interested in being a sort of poster child for a campaign to allow ghouls back into Diamond City (and God help anyone who tries to keep Sole out of the city before Piper has a chance to change the law officially.)

Preston:

Preston tried to swallow through the lump in his throat, but to no avail. The Minuteman didn’t cry often, or, he hadn’t since meeting Sole. But this… He couldn’t stop the tears from spilling as he drew her into his embrace. His voice surely would have failed him if he had tried to comfort her with his words, so his arms wrapped tightly around her, her head pressed firmly to his chest. That would have to do for the time being.

“Sole, I can’t tell you how sorry I am.” He managed to whisper to her as his hand came up to stroke gently at her soft hair, trying desperately not to imagine the way it would fall from her head soon enough. He took a deep breath.

“But… I want you to know something. Something really important.” Preston pulled away so he could look into her eyes, hands coming to rest on either of her tear-stained cheeks “This won’t change anything between us. No matter what, you’re still my General, and… and I love you so much. What’s happening to you won’t ever change the way I feel about you.” They’d both be sniveling messes through the night.

But each morning that passed in the coming days, each change Sole underwent, they would take as it came. Preston is a bit of a workaholic, he knows this, and so does Sole, but he’d take a day off if ever her symptoms became unbearable enough. The Minutemen were stronger now than they had been in years, because of her, and so he would try not to feel so guilty about stepping away from his duties to help her.

But he would keep his promise, and, through everything, Sole would remain the General of the Minutemen, with everyone still paying her the respect that the title was due. She would remain the love of his life, he would tell her every day the way that he admired her, tell her how gorgeous he found her, no matter how much her physicality changed, he would remind her of her boundless strength. He just hoped it’d be enough to make her happy, to save her back, in the way she had saved him.

X6-88:

When Sole hesitantly told him about what was happening to her, it had only been after he asked. It was clear to the synth that something was wrong with his partner, but waiting for her to explain on her own had him only becoming more impatient. When she did tell him, he was furious. Certainly not at her, and not necessarily at the Institute’s inability to prevent it from happening, but at the Commonwealth, at the world for doing this to the one he loved. X6 couldn't stand the thought of it, the pain she had to go through. A part of him blamed himself for it. He was meant to protect her, from anything that could possibly harm her, and he had failed. Her changing appearance would be a testament to that failure every day of his life.

In an effort to make it up to her, X6 offered everything he possibly could to his partner, walking her though each and every symptom that came with her change, and ensuring she was utilizing every resource the Institute had at its disposal. Treatments, and skin creams, and supplements, and enough radaway to douse the glowing sea were used in an effort to slow the process of ghoulification, or perhaps even to halt it.

When it inevitably didn’t work, X6 would feel useless, like he had failed in his mission to keep his beloved safe all over again. However, something strange happened to the courser when the one he loves began to physically fall apart in response to the radiation. He didn’t want to leave her. He could stand to look at her, to still love her in the way that he never thought he would be able to, even when she was human. Despite what she had become, she was still his Sole.

After he came to this realization, X6 would take it as a personal mission for himself to ensure that anyone who made Sole feel bad for the way she looked or the way she now spoke would pay dearly for the carelessness of their commentary. X6 would work endlessly to guard his love from insults and dangers alike, from outsiders as well as those within the Institute. That was what he could do for her, what he had to do, if he ever wanted to make it up to Sole. The way he had carelessly let this happen to her... He would never forgive himself, and wonder every day how Sole could, but he will make it up to her. Mark his words.

[bakasaiga]

Sesshomaru & Rin: InuYasha's Healthiest Dynamic

The Case for SessRin, Platonically & Romantically

Read the full article here: Sesshomaru & Rin: InuYasha's Healthiest Dynamic by bakasaiga

Art Credits: @bamb.bieun via Instagram

Why Sesshomaru and Rin have the healthiest dynamic in the InuYasha franchise. Covering content from the InuYasha manga, anime, films, drama CD "Asatte," and aspects of the sequel series, "Yashahime: Half-demon Princesses" (also known as "Hanyo no Yashahime").

Introduction

This article aims to explore the rationale for “Why Sesshomaru and Rin have the healthiest dynamic in the InuYasha Franchise” as I want to focus on their dynamic, and use this word over a "relationship." Because a relationship oftentimes has the connotations of romance, overlooking notions of the platonic nature of relationships. This analysis will focus on Sesshomaru and Rin throughout the InuYasha franchise (anime, manga, films, drama CD, and sequel), mainly analyzing the events depicted in the original series, where they are at the time, platonic.

The Significance of the First Encounter

Sesshomaru meets Rin in episode 35 of the anime/chapter 129 of the manga, following his unsuccessful battle with InuYasha’s wind scar. Tenseiga, knowing its owner’s life is threatened, sends Sesshomaru to a place that it knows is safe, peaceful, and conducive to his well-being. That place being the nearby forest of Rin’s (at-the-time) home. When Rin first meets Sesshomaru, she recognizes the pending danger of his presence — he’s not human, but he’s hurt. And to some degree, she likely resonates with that. Sesshomaru was all alone, hurt, mentally non-intact, and the most vulnerable we had seen him in the series (even compared to him losing his left arm as we hadn't seen the aftermath of that yet until episode 133-134). She’s a poor peasant girl who’s suffered immense trauma, suffering, and loneliness. Her initiative to help Sesshomaru came from her generosity; her empathy in seeing someone who reminded her of herself. She offers him food and water, to his dismay of course. But does not take no for an answer — this establishes a part of her personality that may be overlooked: her unwavering and kind-hearted stubbornness. She does not take no for an answer. Rin probably thinks to herself that her fish she gave him was not good enough because she’s been conditioned lately to believe that she’s not good enough. She returns to the village reserve and steals some fish, not for herself, for him. After receiving a beating, she does not flinch or show any signs of remorse but progresses on with her merry way. At this point, it’s observable that despite knowing her story, her scars, and her difficulties, humans do not even empathize, let alone sympathize with Rin. It is the feudal era, after all. She’s a young, disabled orphan and the villagers only see her for what she lacks: a voice, a family, and a place of belonging.

When she returns to Sesshomaru, without the fish, Rin is visibly shyer, feeling like she had failed her mission but she nonetheless returns out of her stubborn, kind-hearted and generous nature. Sesshomaru would never accept her attempts of rescue, but her dishevelled and pained appearance intrigues him. When he asks about her bruises, this is the first time anyone had ever afforded her a second glance.

The audience can see Sesshomaru calculate her body language, recognizing that she is mute. Instead of pressing her further or ignoring her outright, he attempts to comfort her (in his own way), making her feel that it is okay if she chooses not to answer him; that her desire to reply to him should only be a desire, not an obligation. I think, on one hand, that was the first moment of something that would resemble compassion that Sesshomaru had ever administered, trying to put himself in her shoes — if someone had asked him to do something that required, for example, his left arm, he probably would have appreciated them saying “you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to” so to provide him agency for something that he actually cannot do. And the same goes for Rin. He recognizes her disability, maybe even resonates with it and decides to empower her with a choice. Choice is important when it comes to the Sesshomaru/Rin dynamic and it’s a word that will come up often. This is the first of many choices that Sesshomaru allots Rin in dictating their soon-to-be long-lasting relationship, laying the foundation for their connection as the series progresses.

"The first time she was revived, the moment she opened her eyes, they exchanged a soul gaze, which harmonizes the energy between two people. They maintained deep eye contact for nearly half a minute. There were no words, Rin had no opportunity to say thank you, and Sesshomaru asked her no questions. They said all that was needed to be said through their silence."

-Lawless Lane, Sesshomaru and Rin: The Silent Soul Love

The next time Sesshomaru sees Rin, it is suggested that he actively sought her, whether it be by curiosity or concern for well-being. It's evident that Sesshomaru had never experienced an interaction like this before and if we just collect the facts we know about him, his reaction is quite logical. He had been born into aristocracy to political parents and was a lord the moment he left the womb. Everyone around him feared him or needed something from him. His chance of a genuine relationship (friendship, family dynamic, or even romance) would have been limited and/or superficial from the get-go. They see him in armour, finely dressed, and never vulnerable. But when Rin first meets him, she doesn’t treat him like her lord, king, or anybody special, she is immediately exposed to his vulnerability. She sees him at his worth. She treats him just as she would likely treat anyone else if they were in need. Rin’s authentic and warm smile plant the seed of compassion in his icy heart because he hadn’t come across this type of raw intention for well-being and to his deduction, he could have felt one of two things (maybe even both): (1) compelled to reward her with another shot at life selflessly, and/or (2) an inquisitive desire to seek that perplexing feeling that her smile gave him. When Rin wakes up, the first face she sees is his. When she died, the last face she saw was his, albeit imagined. Upon her revival, she pursues him without a single word from either party...

Read the rest here:  Sesshomaru & Rin: InuYasha's Healthiest Dynamic by bakasaiga

[kieumy-archive]

Jackie, I want to know your top 5 (or top 10 if you want) fav shows?????

Hiiiii anon!! Thank you for this question, I love talking about my shows <3

The Good Place: First place because every episode was really good, all the characters were given enough screentime for development, they were all compelling and it had one of the best and most satisfying endings imo.

Star Trek TOS: Listen, it was made in the late 60s, therefore there’s some aspects that didn’t age well, and of course it’s not perfect, but for a show made during that time period it is great and as progressive as it could get. Plus, I’ve been obsessed with Trek since 2013, it’s my longest hyperfixations, and I think it’s for a reason.

Druck (specifically S5 and S6): Druck, Skam Germany, the one remake everyone praised for being so good at writing compelling characters and storylines (didn’t age well but w/e). Seasons five and six will always hold a special place in my heart for its characters and stories, to which I related in many ways. It also gave me Fatou and Kieu My, one of my OTPs and the latter one of my favorite character of all time. Even if seasons seven and eight weren’t good, they’ll never taint these two previous seasons.

First Kill: A recent one but it’s become a favorite of mine. When I went into the show I wasn’t expecting much, but the concept of vampires and lesbian vampires and enemies to lovers and star crossed lovers and doomed love was too much to resist. Lo and behold, I got pleasantly surprised. Cal and Jules are both interesting and compelling characters. Usually with shows like this one gets more development that the other (cough cough usually the white characters cough cough), but not here. I loved how both of them got enough screentime to develop them. You get to learn about their lives, aspirations, responsibilities, fears, flaws, etc. You can feel the love and devotion they have for each other. And one aspect I adore is Cal’s family. They’re very tight and they care for each other. It’s sad but it’s rare for tv shows to portray black families like this, but First Kill does it so well. I especially loved Talia’s and Theo’s relationship. Even though Theo isn’t biologically Talia’s that’s still her child, and she loves him unconditionally and selflessly, which is reflected in the ending. Powerful moment that brought me to tears. Anyway, great show, recommended, please give it a chance @ everyone.

911 Lone Star: Listen, is LS perfect? No. Does it frustrate me sometimes? Yes. But despite all that I love this show with my entire heart. I love all the characters, which is rare. Everyone brings something great to the show. The characters feel like a family to me, and I absolutely ADORE found families. TK’s and Carlos’ storyline is amazing. They just, ugh, pull at my heart. They started as something casual, no big deal right? but ended loving and devoting to each other, with season three’s conclusion which still brings me to tears (of happiness, don’t worry). I love how they don’t shy away from portraying addiction and trauma and mental illness and everything that comes with it, the good, the bad and the ugly. Usually shows either don’t make it a big deal or completely demonize it, but not LS. It’s given good care. My only complain regarding this is them dropping Judd’s PTSD, but I’m still holding hope it’s gonna be addressed again. There’s so much more I want to say about it but it’s getting long, just know it owns my heart.

Bonus! Bad Buddy: I just started it but it’s going to become a favorite of all time, I can feel it. The fact I was thinking about it at 2:00am should tell you that.

[punchodile-defunct]

I think the reason that 358/2 Days and the Sea Salt Trio (Roxas, Axel, Xion) are still my favorite and have stuck with me so much after all these years is that the three friends are all so beautifully compelling and flawed and human, ironic considering that they believe they can't possibly be.

Every one of them acts selfish in some way, but it's in a way that is still endearing and understandable. Roxas couldn't care less about the Organization or anything having to do with Sora. He doesn't care what everyone else says about who he is, he just wants to be with his friends. Even though trying to fight Xemnas head-on would most likely end poorly, I can't help but root for him to beat Riku. Roxas having to return to Sora is the way things have to be, but it is unfair. It is right, but it hurts.

"Xion" and "selfish" don't really seem like they'd go together at first. Of the three, she acts the most selflessly in terms of the greater scope, letting herself return to Sora. However, from the point of view held by her friends, she's abandoning them for reasons neither of them can really understand. She has to leave them behind, even fight them, in order to achieve her goal. Xion gives in to those who merely define her as a part of Sora; again, it is for the greater good, but her sacrifice feels unfair.

And then there's Axel. While I wouldn't entirely call him a "bad person" (which still wouldn't be meant as an insult), he is probably the worst of the three regarding what he has done. He has had so much taken from him: his former life, his relationship with Isa who barely even acknowledges him anymore. Everything he does comes from this deep fear of loneliness and loss of control. It isn't "right" in terms of the greater good regarding restoring Sora and stopping the Organization, but he is trying so hard to hold onto everything, his loyalty to his friends and his loyalty to the Organization, even though he can't have both. He doesn't see why his friends are letting all this "Sora" talk get to them. They're not Sora, they're his friends. Why can't getting Kingdom Hearts be enough for them? Why can't HE be enough for them?

[dwellordream]

“Critics of Chaucer's Troilus and Criseyde tend to regard the eponymous female character as either the tale's victim or its villain. Those subscribing to the latter position consider Criseyde cagey, devious, and self-centered. In their view, Chaucer creates a character who fits within the "power of women" topos, in which a wily woman effects a worthy man's ruin. During the Middle Ages, "sermons, treatises, instruction manuals, poetry and romances included lists of celebrated men who were brought low by the apparently irresistible power of women and their sexuality." Critics of Troilus and Criseyde argue by analogy when they regard Troilus as suffering such a fate at the hands of his love. They imply that since most medieval writers portray women as manipulative black-widow figures bent on destroying men, Chaucer must have done so as well. For example, D. W. Robertson, Jr., notes that, for Criseyde, "the mastery of a man like Troilus, a man of prowess and renown, a prince, and a handsome prince at that, would be quite an achievement."

Winthrop Wetherbee also emphasizes the virtues of the ill-fated Trojan prince and stresses that, no matter how interesting we may find the duplicitous Criseyde, we cannot admire her, for she remains "incapable of anything like the integrity or aspiration of Troilus." These critics, whom Carolyn Dinshaw describes as "masculine readers" of the text, create the impression that Chaucer has fabricated a terrifying, power-hungry figure in Criseyde. She emerges as less a woman than a monstrous, near-masculine, abomination, the incarnation of the Medusa myth that Helene Cixous regards as the traditional literary stereotype used to describe an indomitable female character. Dinshaw attributes this view of Criseyde to the critics as well as to Chaucer: "Masculine reading in Troilus and Criseyde is dominated at last by a desire to contain instability, carnal appetite - those things that... medieval writers (and their descendants, modern critics) associate with femina."

In an effort to counteract this ominous image of Criseyde, Dinshaw and other feminist critics have repositioned Chaucer's heroine as the tale's victim. They see Criseyde as the polar opposite of the conniving character imagined by the text's "masculine readers," regarding her instead as an emblem of passive femininity whose submissive nature makes her vulnerable to the machinations of ruthless men. Angela Jane Weisl, for instance, views the hapless heroine as "invaded by male power," and Catherine Cox regards the consummation scene as tantamount to rape. Focusing upon Criseyde's unfortunate position as a beautiful woman trapped in a society that treats her and all women like "commodities to be traded," Dinshaw exculpates Criseyde for her seemingly callous treatment of Troilus. Far from being fickle, Criseyde, in favoring Diomede, selflessly works to further her nation's male-dictated agenda. In Dinshaw's view, Criseyde is merely a pawn of the Trojan patriarchy, a bargaining chip used to establish a temporary truce.

These critics may succeed in exonerating Criseyde; however, they also succeed in making her much less interesting. Stripped of any motives of her own, Criseyde becomes a mere automaton, and the reader's interest shifts to the men who manipulate her. Unwittingly perhaps, feminist critics, by curtailing Criseyde's agency, diminish her significance. They too sacrifice Criseyde, flattening her character and transforming her into a type, another example of the endlessly suffering woman who must endure countless indignities at the hands of callous men. Readers, however, need not relegate Criseyde to the status of victim in order to redeem her character. Criseyde, certainly, does not view herself as a passive pawn, and this essay attempts to read the events comprising Troilus and Criseyde from her point of view, a perspective that has often been slighted by critics intent upon examining the agenda of her nation or the psyche of her lover.

Criseyde's actions, for instance, indeed may be constrained by her nation's perilous position, but so are those of her male counterparts. Even valiant Hector finds himself powerless to gainsay the people's will when they decide to trade Criseyde for Antenor, for the lords make the compelling argument that the Trojans desperately need more manpower in order to rid themselves of the Greeks who have relentlessly plagued the besieged town (IV, 176-96). The council ignores Hector's angry protests and enjoins him to set aside his ideals, exclaiming "'O Ector, lat tho fantasies be!'" (IV, 193). Troilus also feels constrained by his nation's plight. He so fears the opprobrium of his father and of Parliament should he strive to rescue Criseyde from her awful fate that he is rendered impotent, unable to make even the slightest effort to effect his love's salvation (IV, 540-67).

Criseyde, however, does try to wield power, albeit within the narrow scope granted her. She lays the ground rules for her affair with Troilus, for instance (III, 169-75), and she constantly engages in activities such as reading and writing that Cixous regards as potentially subversive to patriarchal society. Unlike Troilus, she displays great confidence in her own abilities and plots to bring about her safe return to Troy without her lover's help (IV, 1296-1414). As her uncle Pandarus understands, his niece admires men of action, men like heroic Hector who value their individuality and refuse to let challenges daunt them. Such men strive to follow their own moral code and often refuse to conform when they believe that they have judged correctly and society has erred. Hector, for example, does not shy away from offering Criseyde his protection, although such an offer might be viewed with disfavor among those incensed at her father's treacherous act (1,117-23).

Nor does he readily succumb to the chorus of voices demanding Criseyde's exchange for Antenor but, rather, continues to protest passionately against such a maneuver up until the very moment when Parliament seals the Trojan beauty’s fate: For which delibered was by parlement For Antenor to yelden out Criseyde,/And it pronounced by the president, Altheigh that Ector "nay" ful of te preyde. (IV, 211-14) Criseyde attempts to appropriate this heroic ethos for herself, believing firmly that the challenges she will face in her attempt to escape the Greeks will prove far from insurmountable. By the end of the poem, however, Criseyde has recognized finally that the man for whom she is willing to risk her life lacks the qualities of a hero, qualities that she believes she herself possesses and qualities that she had once thought Troilus held in abundance, making her fall in love with him. She now realizes that her lover does not share her faith in the heroic ideal and that his earlier heroic stance was nothing more than a pose, part of his attempt to make her engage with him in the game of courtly love.

Laura Howes believes that "Chaucer is often his most critical of established social and literary systems when he appears his most conventional." Even though the poet fashions Criseyde as a strong-willed woman, his poem does not represent a straightforward rendition of the "power of women" topos. Instead, Chaucer uses this convention to expose the hypocrisy embedded in courtly love, a system in which the male lover feigns to cede power to a lady only ultimately to subjugate her. Chaucer employs the "power of women" motif subversively to create an image of a self-determined, desiring woman, who yearns for a wholesome, natural sexual relationship - a relationship not tainted by the artifice of courtly conventions - and who refuses to be transformed into the passive receptacle of a male lover's passion.

…The first time Troilus sets his eyes upon her, Criseyde displays her strong-willed nature. When Troilus ogles her, the Trojan beauty flashes him a look that implies "What, may I nat stonden here?" (I, 292). Her haughty attitude is not only bold but also rash, for she, the daughter of a traitor, refuses to submit to the gaze of a king's son. Criseyde misinterprets Troilus's behavior, regarding it not as prompted by her beauty but, rather, as offering a challenge concerning her right to participate in Troy's public domain. She fears that this prince might not share his brother Hector's generous attitude concerning her status as a citizen of Troy. Unlike Troilus, at this moment her thoughts revolve not around the possibility of a love affair but, rather, the ramifications of the ongoing Greek siege and her father's subsequent defection. Critics often stress Criseyde's meek and fearful nature, but in this instance Chaucer depicts her as a brave woman indeed, holding her head proudly in the public sphere and refusing to show shame for her father's misdeeds.

Chaucer makes her audacious behavior all the more striking by having it follow the narrator's assertion that Criseyde stands as the very emblem of femininity (I, 281-87). One would expect such a woman to accept passively Troilus's stares, to blush perhaps, and bow her head, but not to gaze unabashedly back. Criseyde may seem feminine, but she displays an inclination to behave in a masculine manner. She resembles Portia in Shakespeare's Julius Caesar, who possesses a "man's mind, but a woman's might." By juxtaposing Criseyde's feminine appearance with her bold behavior, Chaucer suggests Criseyde may possess a masculine spirit as well, and, indeed, the narrator describes her as "nevere lasse mannyssh in semynge" (I, 284, emphasis added). The author's use of the word "semynge" indicates that Criseyde's femininity relates only to her surface, her good looks.

Criseyde's exquisite appearance belies her true nature as a woman who cherishes her autonomy and will not readily succumb to a man's will. Before Pandarus presses Troilus's suit upon her, Criseyde lives peacefully in a predominately feminine realm. Weisl stresses that Calchas 's defection leaves his daughter fearful and vulnerable: "Calchas' exit at night through the walls of Troy is the first event of Troilus and Criseyde; in the vacuum of power created by his absence stands Criseyde, 'wel neigh out of hir wit for sorvve and fere' (I, 108)." Criseyde, however, loses no time in recruiting Hector as her defender, recognizing that she needs to protect both herself and her feminine retinue. Her decision to appeal to Hector represents her first act as a matriarch and emerges as a deed of heroic proportions, for she has not only her own interest but also the interest of the members of her household in mind.

She recognizes the peril of her position and approaches the Trojan prince with all the tact of a skilled diplomat engaged in a dangerous and urgent mission. Using her feminine appearance to her advantage, she dresses in "widewes habit large of samyt broun" (I, 109) to underscore that she too has been betrayed by her father's duplicity. Her wretchedness as well as her loveliness move the noble prince to pity her plight, and she elicits his oath that no harm will befall her as long as she resides in Troy (I, 113-26). Further, Hector promises to protect Calchas’s daughter without demanding any favor in return, revealing that Criseyde has played the role of a chaste, and hence untouchable, widow with consummate skill.

Once Criseyde assures herself of Hector's staunch but laissez-faire support, she finds her father's desertion a boon. Unlike Calchas, whose arbitrary behavior toward his daughter in calling her to the Greek camp indicates the power he holds over her, Hector leaves Criseyde alone, free to pursue her own will. Thus, her father's defection enables Criseyde to enjoy finally her widowed state. Judith Bennett notes that for many medieval women, widowhood emerged as the first time since their marriage that they could exert a measure of control over their own fortunes. For instance, these women often would serve as managers of their deceased spouses' estates, a role Criseyde may assume finally after her father abandons Troy.

Criseyde revels in her newfound autonomy, exulting that she now stands "unteyd in lusty leese" (II, 752) without a husband to "Chek mat" her every move (II, 754). Criseyde's use of this metaphor to describe her marriage offers more evidence of her steely will; she had not been a woman who meekly obeyed her husband's every whim. Criseyde's allusion to chess also reveals that she thinks of herself in martial terms. Freed from both her husband's and her father's control, she no longer considers herself the passive, acted-upon king but rather a powerful and potent player. Her situation resembles that of Binx Boiling's aunt in Walker Percy's The Moviegoer, who "with her illustrious brothers dead and gone might now at last become what they [her brothers] had been and as a woman had been denied her": her family's champion.

As mentioned, Chaucer depicts Criseyde's household as comprised entirely of women. Such an image evokes the realm of the Amazons, a society to which Chaucer alludes in the Knight's Tale. The poet depicts these women's pursuits as potentially subversive to patriarchal culture. Pandarus, for instance, finds Criseyde and her companions sitting together listening to a tale, a common entertainment for aristocratic women of Chaucer's day; however, these ladies do not listen to a romance but rather to a "geste" concerning "the siege of Thebes" (II, 83-84). They represent a cluster of women reading about the actions of men - they are feminine readers of a masculine text, the epic. Criseyde's choice of reading material reveals her intellectual curiosity as well as her attachment to the heroic ideal. She wishes to understand the workings of the public domain and to grasp the significance of her nation's own war. Additionally, as a woman who likens herself to a figure in chess, she senses, perhaps, a connection between herself and these legendary heroes and looks to their tales for inspiration for her own bold deeds.”

- Mary Behrman, “Heroic Criseyde.”

[tiny-smallest]

Steven Universe for the meme, please!

favorite thing about them

He's just so kind? Like, he really tries so hard to be good to people. Sometimes it comes easily but even when it doesn't, he still tries. And throughout the entire series this is sometimes a poisonous thing to him because he behaves so selflessly that sometimes it becomes self-destructive, but he learns that he needs to stop doing that by the end and I dunno man it just makes me so happy.

Also, his sass. On the rare occasion it appears I love it.

least favorite thing about them

I don't know if I have one? I mean yeah the harmful stuff he did to himself wasn't great but it was narratively compelling so I wouldn't call it my least favorite, really. I don't

favorite line

Okay I can't pick just one but I can pick the first two that came to mind:

"My dad says: 'If every porkchop were perfect, we wouldn't have hotdogs.'"

"We've all got- EACH OTHER!"

brOTP

Do Steven and Greg count? Steven and Amethyst? Steven and literally any of the gems? I really like his relationship with his parents and the slightly different flavor to all of those relationships.

But of those it's definitely Steven and Greg. I love this father-son duo so much.

OTP

Steven and Connie hands down.

nOTP

We're not counting any Steven and gem stuff here since that's all pretty obvious (the only gem that debatably isn't an adult is Spinel who has a HOST of other issues) so I guess in light of that... Steven and... Peedee? Steven doesn't really get shipped with a lot of people besides Connie who would actually not automatically be inappropriate for him but I've seen him and Peedee around and I'm not much of a fan unless it's a poly relationship with him and Connie I guess.

Basically if Connie's not involved in some way I'm not really into it and would rather not see it.

random headcanon

Steven never breathed a word of the traumatic stuff his father wasn't present for and when Greg would ask repeatedly after the events he was aware of (like the Zoo and Bluebird's attack) Steven would lie and repeat that he was fine until his father felt he had no choice but to trust Steven and drop it.

Both of them would very much regret their choices about this later on.

unpopular opinion

Not a big fan of the idea that Steven is still mad at or hates his parents and/or would never come back to live in Beach City after experiencing the outside world.

Also not a big fan of the idea that he will forever hate his mother when he's clearly scapegoating a dead person due to the fact that he has trauma and given that she's dead, she's the easiest person to lay that blame on- and maybe more blame than she deserves.

It's just not something I care to read.

song i associate with them

There's probably more but right now this is the only thought in my head:

Two - Sleeping At Last

favorite picture of them

Gonna skip this one because I don't feel like looking through the internet but he's precious pretty much in every picture so.

[johannas-motivational-insults]

Unpopular opinion, but...

Double Trouble is chaotic evil.

Don’t get me wrong, I adore them and am thrilled they were added to the show. This isn’t a hate post, but I keep seeing DT being categorized as chaotic neutral and this just feels wrong to me?

To clarify, I’m using the original context of the alignment chart, which is basically for establishing a character’s a) respect for rules and b) tendency to behave selflessly vs. selfishly when their own interests are at odds with the greater good. If by “chaotic neutral” you mean DT loves causing chaos for their own amusement and is not really aligned with the Rebellion or the Horde (being a mercenary working for the highest bidder), then I get your point, but that’s not what chaotic neutral actually means.

Double Trouble is definitely chaotic, they don’t give a shit about the rules, but their alignment isn’t neutral. Glimmer and Catra are better examples of chaotic neutrals. Glimmer tries to be a good person and cares very much about right and wrong but has a tendency to think and behave selfishly (for instance, focusing on her own hurt feelings at Princess Prom instead of trying to support Bow making new connections, her blindness to humanity when dealing with Horde soldiers, threatening to kill Catra in 2x02 then deadass leaving her to die in a fire in 4x04, confining Adora and Bow in the castle because she’s pissed they are trying to overrule her).

Meanwhile, Catra tries to be a bad person and can indeed be very selfish, as she really only tries to protect her own inner circle (Adora and Shadow Weaver to start, Scorpia and Entrapta later) but her kind heart often causes her to behave selflessly for the people she cares about (for instance, lying to SW about Adora going AWOL and then about her being She-Ra, turning down Scorpia’s jailbreak offer, comforting SW [her abuser, don’t forget] when she’s upset and later bringing her her old badge as a sentimental favor, telling Hordak that Entrapta left no files and taking the brunt of his anger instead of blaming Scorpia for damaging the disc).

Both Glimmer and Catra are good examples of selfishness and selflessness warring within the same person, and both are extremely compelling for that reason. Double Trouble is also compelling, but for different reasons - they don’t have that same internal battle happening. Double Trouble always does what’s best for Double Trouble - “It’s not personal, darling, you knew how this worked.” They don’t care if their actions hurt other people, in fact they kind of seem to enjoy it. They’re not as sadistic as Shadow Weaver, but that impulse is there. I doubt DT is the type of person to abuse children for shits and giggles, however, and I am not saying they are a terrible person like SW. All I’m saying is, they’re selfish. The world exists for their own amusement and to validate them and their acting skills, and they will side with whoever offers them what they need most (money from the Horde, then amnesty from the Rebellion) regardless of the wider consequences.

Honestly, Double Trouble is fascinating and absolutely delightful to watch. Being an evil alignment doesn’t mean a character is automatically dislikeable. Anyway, I think maybe we’re hesitating to label this character as evil because they are delightful and a fan favorite, but let’s be real: Double Trouble only cares about Double Trouble, and that’s why they are “neutral” in terms of allegiances. That is the mark of a character with an evil alignment, not what side they are fighting for.

[offbeatcappuccino]

Save Me Final Review

 Year: 2017

Cast: Seo Yea Ji, Ok Taec-yeon, Woo Do Hwan, Jo Jae-yoon, Park Ji Young, David Lee and more

Channel: OCN

Streaming Service: Netflix 

Trigger Warnings: Violence, Suicide, Sexual Harrasment 

Rating : 8.9/10.0

Save Me is the story of Im Sang Mi, a young woman, who moves from Seoul to a town in Muji County. When tragedy befalls her family, Sang Mi’s mother and father fall into the clutches of a religious cult called Goseonwon. The leader of this cult, Baek Jung-Ki, is known to his followers as the Spiritual Father and members of the cult are promised salvation from the Mighty New Sky in return for their undying loyalty and obedience. Underneath his charisma, the Spiritual Father and his apostles are predators, who really on corruption and emotional manipulation to satisfy their materialistic needs. Though Sang Mi objects to the idea of being in the cult, she is unable to leave because the cult has managed to successfully brainwash her father. When she whispers “Save Me” to her former high school classmate, Han Sang-hwan, Sang-hwan and his friends take on a new battle to not only save their friend, Sang Mi, but also expose the cult and its wrongdoing.

If you ask k-drama fans which drama was the most difficult/traumatizing to watch, I think many would say “Save Me”. It’s a drama that truly has you sitting at the edge of your seat because of how terrifying the antagonist is. The Spiritual Father is one of the most powerful antagonists I have ever seen on any show because he is extremely capable in his abilities to not only brainwash his followers, but also play favor with those in government. Sang Mi is truly in a situation that feels inescapable on so many levels because she is unable to rely on  traditional sources of safety like the police. A key component of what makes this drama such a compelling show has to be Im Sang Mi’s characterization. At initial glance, you may dismiss Im Sang Mi as a hopeless victim, but Im Sang Mi is anything but that. She may be a victim, but she’s one hellbent on taking back her autonomy and she does so with a fiery vengeance. While her friends provide her with the support and  manpower to do that, the person saving Im Sang Mi is truly Im Sang Mi herself. Seo Yea Ji portrays Im Sang Mi with such power and conviction. I’ve talked about this before, but Seo Yea Ji has some of the most expressive eyes I’ve ever seen and she skillfully uses them to convey pain, hatred, and most importantly, persistence even in the most difficult situations. Ok Taec Yeon and Woo Do Hwan also wonderfully portray the determination that they have to selflessly save their friend even if it comes at the risk of losing their own life.

Where this drama falters is in its pacing. It’s a show that feels forced into the sixteen episode format. While the first half of the show is paced appropriately, the second half of the show is paced too slowly at times in the path to reach the climax of the show. The show’s content could have been neatly packed into fewer episodes and the lack of available content for sixteen episodes shows. Because of this, in the later half of the series, we, the audience, are exposed excessively to violence and abuse to the point that you start to feel desensitized to it. On a similar note, this show often overdoes fight scenes to an amount that feels inappropriate for a drama of its genre. Regardless, Save Me is a powerful and insightful drama that serves as a poignant and cautionary tale that warns its viewers to be vary of what lurks underneath the surface when we are promised eternal bliss by others. 

[hotcoffeecoldmornings]

(This shit is long so bear with me.)

Can’t Eat, Can’t Sleep, Reach for the Stars

I haven’t felt this way in awhile. This ‘can't eat, can't sleep, reach for the stars, over the fence, world series kind of love.’ 

It’s hard to describe. The last time I was all-consumed like this by a TV show and a ship, that TV show was The 100, that ship was Clexa, and my world was, quite honestly, turned upside down by it.

I used the first two seasons of The 100 as background noise as I wrote my Master’s Thesis in 2015. To be honest, I didn’t really know exactly what was happening until Bodyguard of Lies (an episode anyone reading this post probably remembers well) came on. And a passionate kiss between two world leaders left me speechless and shocked. I was blindsided by it, unaware that that kiss would be the beginning of not only finding myself, but also accepting myself, and then finding a chosen family I never knew that I needed because of it.

There’s been alot of (okay, not a lot, but more) f/f ships on TV since then. Maggie and Alex. Nicole and Waverly. Elena and Syd. Kat and Adena. Anissa and Grace. Stef and Lena. Karolina and Nico. And the list goes on… While each of these ships is equally important, and each one represents another push towards more inclusive storytelling, there was never a ship that hit me as hard as Clarke and Lexa did.

Until now.

Harold, They’re Lesbians

Gay. Witches.

Motherland: Fort Salem said the words. And I fucking came running.

Okay, so it took me a few weeks… Thank you, twitter timeline, for finally getting my ass on board. It’s not that I didn’t want to start the show. It’s that my anxiety-ridden brain had other plans for me in mid-March. Like spending the majority of my time researching a global pandemic and then crawling into a depression hole because of it… Or something like that.

But nonetheless, I’m here now. And I’m fucking staying.

I knew I’d love this show. The concept of witches peppered with the idea that sexuality is irrelevant is honestly my one and only weakness. So I went into episode one with high hopes. And I sure as hell was not disappointed.

Episode 1 gave me even more than I could’ve asked for. We meet three uniquely powerful individuals, who all come from three uniquely interesting backgrounds. Abigail Bellweather, born into a lineage of the most powerful and elite witches Fort Salem has ever seen. Tally Craven, the last one standing in her family’s long-line of service, selflessly choosing to say the oath when she didn’t technically have to. And Raelle Collar, who has an unparalleled set of powers, combining her mother’s Christo-Pagan ways with those of the seeds learned at Fort Salem.

Rounding out that already brilliant cast is Scylla Ramshorm, the ‘sexy weird’ Necro who may or may not be evil (but we love her all the same). General Sarah Alder, the original witch who signed the Salem Accord, selling out every future witch to the United States Army, and whose ego quite often gets the best of her. And Anacostia Quartermaine, the Bellweather Unit’s Drill Sergeant who has a peculiar fondness (and leniency) for Raelle Collar.

The fact that this television show is entirely female centered (like, we’re talking 60 seconds of male screen time in the pilot), is what separates this show from most. Men exist in the world of Fort Salem as characters to exclusively propel the female leads forward, which is a stark contrast to the majority of shows right now.  And not only is the entire main cast female, the main lead is gay. And honestly, the sexuality of every character on the show is questionably debatable as well. Except for Abigail, who quite clearly is into any and all men, and Tally, who grew up on a Matrifocal Compound and ended up in Fort Salem as a virgin. Which, of course, no shade to her, but it did strike me as odd when Abigail immediately assumed Tally’s virgin-ness when growing up in an all-female world was brought up.

So let’s start there, shall we?

 The Heteronormative Narrative (or not…)

Something I did find puzzling about Motherland: Fort Salem (and the only thing, really) is how they portray sexuality, relationships, and love. In regards to sexuality, Eliot Laurence, the creator and executive producer, has been incredibly forward in interviews with the narrative that ‘your sexual preference doesn’t matter in this world.’ Which I appreciate to the fullest, trust me. But pardon my slight hesitation when I hear that line, because I think we’ve all been burned by it once before.

Motherland: Fort Salem has done a tremendous job of this. They’ve allowed characters to own their sexuality without question. It was never a thing when Raelle started dating Scylla. At Beltane, everyone went off with whomever the dance paired them with - even if that meant the same gender, and even if that meant three or four or five of them. Sexuality, in regards to same-sex partners, is never a character arc in this show, and it’s never there to create a plot point. 

HowEVER, there were a few things I noticed that confused that fact. 

Like I said about Abigail in the very first episode, when the Bellweather Unit is meeting for the first time, why was Abigail so quick to question Tally’s virginity after learning she comes from a Matrifocal Compound? If there are no heteronorms in the world of Motherland: Fort Salem, then why is it assumed that losing your virginity is related to relations with a man? Even though Tally is (well… was) a virgin, why would that question be brought up? If roles were reversed and it was Raelle living on the Matrifocal Compound, the conversation would’ve gone strikingly different, and it would’ve supported this heteronormative narrative that I thought we were trying to avoid. I’m just going to blame this one line on how badly Abigail wants the D, so sleeping with a woman wouldn’t even cross her mind.

But then what about the idea of this ‘five-year marriage contract’? It’s simply about producing a child, so I assume a woman could never have that sort of thing with another woman, and that those women could never add to their lineage (unless they entered into a five-year marriage contract simply to reproduce). Doesn’t this, alone, signify a heteronormative world without even meaning to do so? While they accept LGBTQ+ relationships, how do they actually fit into the society and culture that this show has created? Wouldn’t the gay witches be seen as almost inadequate in carrying on the gene if they don’t have a child? (AmI just thinking too much into this...?)

But then again, the whole concept of ‘love’ in Fort Salem is rather insignificant itself. As Gerit mentions, no one is supposed to spend their life with just one person. Witches are committed to one another in five-year partnerships to reproduce, and then that’s it. So in a way, I understand that nobody, no matter what their sexuality is, really gets to experience this fairytale ending that we’re used to seeing in a (*cough* heterosexual) ship on TV. And in a way, I also think that’s what makes this show all the more fascinating. Eliot Laurence gave everyone a level playing field by just removing the idea of a happily ever after altogether. In Laurence’s world, witches are meant to train and fight and die for their country. Love is their weakness. But what’s so compelling about that is even though love is their weakness, he made sure that love also manifests into their greatest strength.

From what I’ve seen in interviews for Laurence, every single thing has a purpose. So I’m quick to let this go, and see where he takes us. He’s been building this world inside his head for nine years, so I know that there’s so much more to this story than what can be told in a 10-episode season.

 But Back to the Lesbians

Anyway, back to love. Specifically gay love. I wish I could put into simple words my obsession with Raelle and Scylla. 

From the incredible chemistry that Taylor Hickson and Amalia Holm share on-screen together to the directors and writers who’ve portrayed their love story so magically, Raelle and Scylla are truly something special. They’ve taken the place of a ship this queer fandom lost when Lexa was killed. It’s a ship that you want to hate, because every part of this story tells me to hate Scylla. She’s Spree. She’s vindictive. She’s dangerous. Yet every part of my brain tells me to love her. And to love them together.

I don’t like easy stories. I want stories that make the ending worth it. I want hardships and pain and hurt and work when it comes to love. Which is why I like the story of Raelle and Scylla. There was a spark between them in their very first scene together- a spark you could feel through the TV. It was believable and real. They come from similar backgrounds of loss and solitude, and that’s what originally bound them together. And over the next seven episodes, we watched their relationship grow. We saw their vulnerabilities, their growth, their passion. But now we’re going to see the hardship. The pain, the anger, the betrayal. 

I appreciate that they’re not skimping on telling any part of their story. The two are special together, and so far, this show has proved that.

 She’s Special

I want to break down Raelle Collar before bringing up anything else, because, well, obviously she’s the main character, but she’s also got a lot going on. The fact that Raelle channels her power through something other than the typical ‘seed’ is something that will be of importance to why she’s so powerful. Petra Bellweather, herself, claims that Raelle’s mom, Willa, used unconventional methods that delivered incredible results. “She was the fixer every unit wanted to deploy with.” 

While all witches in Basic Training are learning about utilizing their extra set of vocal cords to create magic songs, Raelle can do it in a way that’s reminiscent of where she grew up- Chippewa Cession. In the very first episode, she makes note that her family was there before it became a Cession. Aka, before the land was given to the Chippewa tribe in exchange for their magic.

Raelle comes from a line of witches that all have more unique abilities than what’s taught at Basic Training. She uses a combination of Native American spirituality/Christo-Paganism skills during her days at Fort Salem, which brings up questions (and judgment) from other witches. It seems as though that kind of magic was the way witches used to do things before Sarah Alder released her song into the world and created a vocalizing army with it. Raelle’s peers look disgusted when they see her still using the same ways witches once did. It’s particularly noticeable when she heals people, and recites Matthew 7:7, “Ask, and it shall be given to you; seek and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.” The entire theme of the Book of Matthew, in regards to Christianity, is about prayer. Asking and receiving. That God will provide you with what’s needed, and nothing more. But when it comes to Paganism, it’s about the law of attraction and return in our universe. It outlines that there is no life without balance - that all prayers can be answered, but they’ll be answered with things that are taken from elsewhere. All prayers almost have a consequence. Just like all magic has a consequence. 

Raelle’s power, at least what she knows of it up until now, is based on a consensual balance, bringing the theme of Paganism’s Matthew 7:7 into the type of witchcraft she practices. She can heal someone, but what she heals them from will be transferred onto her. Balance. Consequence.

Bringing General Sarah Alder back into this, this is the same type of magic that she traded for back in the 1700’s when she granted the Chippewa Tribe the entire length of the Mississippi River. In exchange, she gained the magic that could keep her eternally young. But just like the magic that Raelle does, this age defying practice has consequences too, and requires balance. Every 50-60 additional years that General Alder adds on to her endless life, a young witch must be sacrificed to take on those years, and must stand by General Alder the rest of her short-lived life. 

But where does the balance go?

Adil is such a great addition to the cast because he sheds a light on something so crucially ignored on campus. All magic has balance. This is teased throughout the season, like when General Alder hits turbulence on her way to The Hague and jokes (but not really jokes), “I assume I have one of you to blame for that.” Or how Raelle soaks up her ‘patients’ illness. But it’s not truly smacked in our faces until Adil says it.

As Abigail is flaunting her ability to *one day* “grind iron into ore and mountains into dust,” Adil drops a truth bomb on her. “All that weather you fight with has a cost. Floods. Failing crops. Famine. Every war, people starve.” She’s quick to reply that the good they do far outweighs the bad. But to who? Certainly not to Adil and his people. Meeting him is going to give our recruits a serious insight into just how consequential their ‘work’ can be. He’s going to play a crucial role in realizing how manipulative and egotistical General Alder has been. 

Not only is weather an issue, but plagues. “Like the one attacking my sister.” Adil and Khalida come into the storyline because Khalida is sick with a deathly black webbing wrapped around her body. When they first make it to the Military Outpost (somewhere in the dessert between Russia and China?), the Soldier who meets them at the gate yells, “they’re here.” So were they expecting them? 

Raelle eventually is the one who heals Khalida, (by using her Christo-pagan means) but instead of taking up the illness like it usually does, instead, it infects the giant mushroom that Raelle touched earlier. 

The balance of Mother Mushroom.

I go back and forth between theories for the giant mushroom growing under Fort Salem. But today, I’m convinced the mushroom is attached to General Alder’s vitality. And consequently, the entire vitality of Fort Salem as well. In one episode, Berryessa reminds us that all life on campus is directly connected to Alder. And if what Scylla says in My Witches, that “life becomes death, which becomes life again,” is relative to the life on campus and how General Alder parallels that, then this theme of balance throughout the series is more prominent than we realize.

The giant mushroom living under campus is clearly important. It has hands and replicates faces and takes on diseases and Izadora is not a fan of  anyone touching it. So yes, you could say this fungi is a main character now.

But. Why?

“In the kingdom of plants, mushrooms occupy the underworld. Nothing ever really dies.” Mushrooms have an entire underground network of language to one another. And they are responsible for the breakdown and decomposition of death so that organic matter can become something else. Necros have an obvious connection to this ecological process too, so they must have a connection to the continuous process that General Alder goes through to support and sustain life on her campus. 

I think that the “Mother Mycelium” signifies each and every consequence that Fort Salem has accumulated. It holds the hurt and death and pain and regret of everything General Alder has created. And now that the Mushroom is infected with whatever plague Khalida had, I think it’s going to wreak havoc on Fort Salem. Magic is based on balance, and I think massive consequences are coming to make up for years of disparity. 

One last thing on my mushroom-thoughts, is when Helen Graves said “the dead make excellent eyes and ears.” An underground network of mushrooms all connected to recently dead organisms would certainly be a great way to gain insight too. Scylla mentions that she needs something recently dead to grow her deathcap, so does this Mushroom need to be constantly “fed” with death to continue the creation of life? 

Does Alder know about that? Are the mass-murders that the Spree are doing related to this? Killing hundreds of people at a time would definitely be a good way to keep the mushroom o’ death fed. Is Alder behind the Spree!?

 Sexy Weird 

Speaking of Spree... Can we talk Scylla now? First of all, what the hell is this girl’s timeline? When we first meet her, she’s a cadet (second year) in War College already, meaning she would’ve had to enlist on Conscription Day the year before Raelle. Yes? In Mother Mycelium, we see that she *might* (still don’t believe it) have been the person behind that first Spree attack on Conscription Day of this year (so when Raelle, Tally, and Abigail enlisted), so was she at Basic Training for an entire year before deciding to become Spree? Did she enlist knowing that she would eventually be Spree? Does this ever get addressed in the show?

Since we’re here, I might as well say there’s no way Scylla did that. I’ll never believe it. And I’m using my one semester of Greek Mythology in college to tell you why (who knew that class would eventually come in handy)

In My Witches, when Tally, Abigail, and Glory first meet Scylla, Tally makes it clear that ‘Scylla’ is a Greek name. Okay. Greek. Cool. Mythology. Let’s go. I already knew that Eliot Laurence doesn’t waste any minute of screen time when it comes to plot development and storytelling, so my meta brain did a little digging.

In Greek Mythology, Scylla was a sea-monster who haunted the rocks of a very narrow strait, opposite of the whirlpool of Charybdis. The monster’s purpose was to lead ships and boats towards the whirlpool, which was lethal to all who attempted to pass. Scylla was used to lure boats towards Charybdis, but was never meant for actually destroying them. Scylla was a fear tactic, not a murderous monster. In poetry, it’s often said that Scylla isn’t a monster at all, just born into a monstrous family. In conclusion (from my 4 months of Freshman-level Greek Mythology and a little refreshment on Google) I think Scylla is simply being used to lure people to the Spree, but not actually doing the mass-murdering that is being shown in the episode. 

What I do know is that Scylla Ramshorn is absolutely Amalia Holm. Mainly because I refuse to accept that Raelle is falling for the red head (sorry, red head). But also because at the end of the Pilot, when Scylla (in red head disguise) looked into the mirror, the balloon was her reflection, and it followed everything that she did. But in other scenes, when Scylla’s face is the normal Scylla face, she can see her own reflection. So the redhead girl is unimportant. Plus, IMDB says she never appears again this season... 

We Are The Spree 

As much as I hate to believe that Raelle’s mom (or Aunt!) is alive and leading the Spree, the connections between the two entities do add up. Both (Spree and Collar’s) are against the authority and power that the Witch Army has over populations of witches. They’re both against General Sarah Alder. I believe they both use spoken word magic rather than just vocalized magic. When the Spree carry out their attacks, they’re whispering words under their breath, not singing any song. Which is reminiscent of how the Collar’s do magic. Additionally, it would make sense as to why the Spree would want Scylla to bring them Raelle. And I still can’t get over the conversation between Raelle and Tally when Raelle explains her family’s combat charm. “A bowerbird’s foot. They love anything blue.”

Blue? Why. WHY. 

Maybe Willa Collar was captured by the Spree? Or the Aunt was? Or the Spree needs Raelle to heal someone? 

One last weird very unthought out theory goes with the other Biblical verse Raelle recites - Isaiah 43:2. “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.” The fact that all Spree attacks have happened with something to do water- in the snow, at the pool, on a cruiseship. And the fact that the last line of that verse is literally, “you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.” This type of witchcraft has to relate to how the Spree does magic. Right??

Now I’m re-talking myself into the fact that the Collar’s might be somehow leading Spree...

 But who’s ‘we’?

If the Collar’s are in charge of Spree then this next theory would actually check out. 

Anacostia has been a little more over-bearing with Raelle than any of the other girls. On multiple occasions, she’s said how Raelle is gifted. In fact, they all have. Even Abigail in Hail Beltane mentions that “Raelle didn’t go outside of canon, she’s naturally gifted.” They all know she’s gifted. It would make sense if the Collar’s were the ones running Spree, and that Anacostia, aka. General Alder’s head bitch, was sent to protect Raelle from ever joining them. Alder wants to capitalize on the powers that Raelle has, and keep them in the Witch Army. 

But I also think Anacostia could be playing General Alder. There have been too many times where she stares at Alder just a little bit too intently, and I can’t stop thinking that she might be in some sort of rebellious group too. Maybe a certain cell of Spree?

Because you can’t deny that Anacostia has also taken in interest in Scylla, particular to keep her away from Raelle. When Anacostia first caught them flying high on Salva, she told Scylla to stay away from Raelle, and it seemed as though she (tried) to use some sort of coercion magic while doing so. When Anacostia then saw them together at the Bellweather wedding, she almost sounded shocked, “I expressly told you to stay away from her.” Did Anacostia attempt coercion magic on Scylla and it didn’t work? And if she did, why didn’t it work?

That entire exchange felt odd yet familiar. Like the two have history. “Your name wouldn’t have been on the list. You’re not supposed to be here.” Particularly the “you’re not supposed to be here.” Did Anacostia know about the attack on the Bellweather’s? And did she think it would be threatened with Scylla there? Or did she know that Scylla was supposed to bring Raelle to the Spree at 6pm. And was sent to make sure Scylla never completed that task. 

I found it interesting that Anacostia was never seen fighting off the balloons like every other Witch was when they appeared. And her being at the actual wedding felt odd too. Especially if she’s General Alder’s right-hand (wo)man, because last time I checked, Alder and Petra Bellweather weren’t on the greatest terms. In fact, none of the General’s are on great terms with Alder. 

Since we’re now on Bellweather season...

Camarilla. No, not Carmilla.

There’s certainly a second threat in this show. And they were the ones behind the attack at the Bellweather’s. Not only has this already been proven by Jessica Sutton on Twitter (lols) but the clues were literally all there. They didn’t use any magic to fight. They had to use a mechanized sound machine to stop Abigail and Petra from using their powers. Then they covered themselves with gasoline and lit themselves on fire before the mother-daughter duo blew them away. It wasn’t Spree. But it was meant to look like Spree. And I think the balloons were simply a distraction, so all efforts and power would be outside fighting off the balloons while the civilian waiter’s could attack. 

But who is doing this?

It’s been brought up that there are alot of humans who don’t agree with the Witch Army that Alder leads. Even the President of the United States is hesitant about them. “You, too, are bound by rule of law to the will of the American people, who have elected me to represent their interests and protect them. Don’t you forget it. Or you may find yourself reminded.” Then Tally gets confronted later in that episode by a civilian who says, “It’s witches who are committing these attacks. It’s your kind of people .” And then even later in the series, there’s talk of a “growing debate in congress to revoke the Accord and disband the army.” So you could say there are definite opinions about this Army by civilians. 

In A Biddy’s Life, there’s a shot when Raelle and Scylla are in the room with weapons once used to kill witches. There’s an undeniably important shot of the Camarilla Scythe. Camarilla, itself, is defined as a small group of people acting as private advisers to a ruler or politician with a shared and nefarious purpose to carry out secret plots. 

Since civilians are the ones that are most opposed to the Witch Army, it makes sense that maybe the President, herself, is the one behind these attacks. She’s trying to take down the most Elite of the Witches (the Bellweather’s), hence inhibiting the Army from being as successful as it’s been in the past. And what better way than to kill the most elite witches of child-bearing age. 

While this theory checks out, I can’t help but to also think that Petra Bellweather could be behind the attacks. I know, it’s a stretch, (specifically because it’s her own family that’s being targeted) but I do love that ‘good powers, bad people’ trope. And what better way to make sure nobody questions your efforts if you’re the last one they’d suspect? Petra Bellweather has been itching to boot Alder from head witch honcho for awhile. Since killing Bellweather’s is the ultimate attack against witches, this would be a great strategy to showcase that Alder is inept in dealing with these enemies, creating a fall in power. And eventually, a rise in another. A Bellweather. 

Okay, I know what you’re all probably thinking. “So you’re saying that she wanted her own daughter killed!?” Not necessarily. When you watch Bellweather Season, and specifically the wedding scenes, they put an insane emphasis on timing. And I don’t believe that that’s just because of Scylla trying to get Raelle out of there by 6pm. When you watch the sequence back, the Bellweather Unit was supposed to be having their interview with the Dean of War College, starting at 5:30ish. If the interview took a good bit, say 30-45 minutes, this would strategically put Abigail not in the line of fire (aka Charvel’s room) at 6pm when they struck. 

But on the complete other hand, Abigail was supposed to be up with Charvel at that time helping her get ready. Meaning if it wasn’t Petra Bellweather, someone perfectly timed both Bellweather’s of childbearing age to conveniently be in the same place at the same time. 

Then the fact that Scylla was meant to leave with Raelle at 6pm (the exact moment the waiter’s and balloons struck), can’t go unnoticed. Did they want her to leave with Raelle at 6pm because the Spree knew about the attack? Did someone warn them? Does this explain why Anacostia was shocked to see Scyalla. “You’re not supposed to be here.” Why wasn’t she supposed to be there????

I’m just going to tap out of this theory now. 

But One More Thing

This might be a totally aggressive theory, and I have to credit the initial spark of this idea to my girlfriend, because during my 67th rewatch of this show, she brought up something I’d never thought of before. She asked me what Scylla’s purpose of attending the wedding was, and if the person she was supposed to bring to Penelope Road at 6pm really was Raelle? 

This got thinkING. What if it was someone else???

When you look back at all the times Scylla spends talking to her balloon mirror, they never actually say Raelle’s name. Sure, we’re meant to believe that Raelle is the obvious target. But what if that’s a cover?? What if she’s using Raelle to infiltrate something else and get to someone else??

It would make sense to use Raelle to target Abigail instead- an elite Bellweather. Like I said, this is a very unlikely theory but it would definitely be a shock to literally everyone (except my girlfriend apparently)...

Has the entirety of the show been leading us down a path to distract us from something else going on!? With every other ounce of brilliance here, I wouldn’t even doubt it.

In Conclusion

I went into this show expecting to be seen and represented as a queer woman, but what I actually got was so much more. What I got from this show is the realization that me being queer doesn’t have to have anything to do with me being a woman at all. My strength, and will, and mistakes, and growth, and grace, and support, and passion, are what make me a woman. Each of our stories are deserving enough to be told just because we are women.

I’ve struggled with that fact my entire life - my womanhood.

Femininity, feminism, and female empowerment are all things I’ve only recently connected with. I was raised in the culture of traditional gender roles. My dad went to work and my mom stayed home.  It’s not that I was necessarily taught that men and women must occupy those roles; it’s just that’s all I knew. To even further confuse my adolescent existentialism, not only was my mother a stay-at-home mom, she was also in the Marine Corps. And she never really understood the fact that not all women are as strong as she is.

My mom’s a badass, don’t get me wrong. She’s one of my hero’s. She came from a family who didn’t have much, and after realizing that she couldn’t afford to go to college, she enlisted instead. Six years later, she went to Penn State on a full-ride. She’s worked for every ounce of success that she’s seen, and she’s worked her ass off for it. But because of that, she struggles with the idea of feminism.

I can’t blame her too much. I understand the mindset she’s coming from. Growing up with that being instilled in my mind was hard though. Because it was expected that I, too, grow up to be a strong independent woman. 

I graduated in the predominantly male industry of agriculture (I want to be a farmer, okay!?). All through college, grad school, and post-grad school, I worked on farm after farm after farm. And it was there that I was introduced to the idea of toxic masculinity. I tolerated comments that I won’t even say out loud. I’ve “accidentally” been touched in more ways than I care to count. And what I hate the most about it all, is that I fucking tolerated it. I’d laugh it off, and then I’d walk away, mortified at what I’d actually just put up with. And while by no means do I blame my upbringing and home life on this, I do blame the upbringing and home life on the female characters I saw on television. If Brooke Davis was constantly and overly sexualized in high school then I guess I was supposed to, too. Right??

Sure, I still hear comments that I wish I didn’t. But I’m also surrounded by people and characters who taught me to never put up with the shit I once did. Female characters are portraying a storyline that people take more seriously now. They’re persevering. And that jumps off the screen in Motherland: Fort Salem. 

It’s taken me a while to realize how Raelle and Scylla have affected me as much as Clakre and Lexa did (two characters who literally awakened my sexuality). But I think I get it now. 

I love both Raelle and Scylla. Each one. Individually. As witches. As warriors. As females. As humans. As strong female characters. So, in a way, watching this show has awakened something else in me that I’ve also been suppressing all along. My femininity. My strength. My perseverance. 

Sure, Raelle and Scylla are my favorite ship right now, but it wasn’t them being together that made me fall in love with this show. Oddly enough, it was them being apart. It’s the fact that each one stands on her own as a unique and beautifully complicated story. And it’s the fact that I, too, am deserving of a beautifully complicated story.

Last Section, I Swear 

Motherland: Fort Salem is a magical mix of intense story building, relatable character development, and fascinating cinematography, all while being told through a gender and sexuality normative opposite of what we’re used to seeing. It’s a show that encompasses female strength unlike anything I’ve experienced before, where men are the background noise who aid in pushing the plot forward. It’s a show that deserves another season. And another and another and another and another. 

It’s a show I needed ten+ years ago, at 18 years old, freshly out of high school and wondering why the fuck I never had crushes on guys like everyone else my age did. It’s the show I needed so I didn’t always wonder why I was so obsessed with Peyton Sawyer and Summer Roberts and why I was the only one I knew who thought Torrance and Missy should’ve ended up together. It’s the show I needed to learn that my femininity doesn’t make me any less tough than my male counterparts. It’s the show I needed so I never put up with anyone’s shit. It’s the show I needed to teach me that I am storm and I am fury. 

It’s the show I needed then. But it’s also the show I’m so happy that I have now.