#she even said a few months ago that I shouldn’t be proud of my degree ‘cause it’s easy and everyone could do it

[thetorturedchairman]

it’s only 8am and I just had a crying session

[nugnthopkns]

i know you get deja vu

word count: 1.4k

warnings: explicit fem!reader, cursing, it's mild angst up in this b

recommended listening: deja vu | olivia rodrigo

a/n: wrote this short little ditty while avoiding my adult responsibilities lmao. it is not great but i really like the premise, maybe one day i'll do something more with it

Your eyes have to be failing you.

There’s no way he showed up, let alone with another girl – who looks shockingly similar to you. She’s a more polished, more refined version of yourself, and anger bubbles in your stomach the moment you see him walk through the door with her in tow.

When your parents informed you they’d invited Pierre-Luc to your graduation party you shrugged it off. Their reasoning was he’d been a large part of your college experience, and it was sound enough logic. You stumbled across him in a coffee shop during your freshman year and quickly fell into a romance that lasted until a few months ago. The breakup was rather brutal, though your family doesn’t know that, so you didn’t expect him to stop by your parents’ house to congratulate you on completing your degree.

Much to your distaste he does make an appearance, with who you presume to be his new girlfriend. You don’t want to stare at the pair, but you can’t help it – they look good together, possibly better than you and Pierre did. However, you notice that the young woman has on a dress that’s identical to one hanging at the back of your closest. Pierre had bought it for you when you accompanied him to France one offseason, and the thought of him replicating the trip with her crosses your mind.

Finding it too much to be in the same room as him, you excuse yourself from a conversation with some of your father’s business partners and grab your sister by the elbow on the way into the sunroom.

“What’s the matter with you?” She grumbles, upset you pulled her away from a conversation with a boy she has a tiny crush on.

“He’s here,” you whisper shout, doing your best to inconspicuously point to the culprit of your dampened spirits.

“Who?”

“Luc.”

Her expression softens, and it’s clear she feels sorry for you. “Shit. I didn’t think he was actually going to show up.”

You let out a rather strangled laugh. “Me either, but he’s here and I don’t know what to do.”

The two of you stay tucked inside for a few more moments, deriving a plan that gets your ex-boyfriend off the premises as fast as possible without him seeing you. She heads outside first, making sure to grab one of your cousins who’s obsessed with hockey on her way. Together they make a beeline for Pierre, who is beyond excited to catch up with your family. You slip through the door and into a conversation with some fellow graduates in the back corner of the yard. It isn’t interesting, just about future plans, but it keeps you occupied. You’re careful to keep you back turned and your voice low – anything to keep your existence inconspicuous.

Your sister keeps Pierre-Luc busy, chatting to him about how the playoffs went and what his goals for the offseason are. A small crowd gathers around him, mostly just extended family members who haven’t seen him in a while, and he indulges their questions with a kind smile. You can tell your luck is running out, that he’s finally going to spot you in the crowd and rush over to say whatever he came here for. The fates are cruel, and at that moment your mother calls everyone into a circle for a toast.

“I want to thank you all for coming,” she says, pulling you to stand beside her. You can tell Pierre is looking at you, but you avert your eyes and look anywhere but him. Your mother continues talking. “We’re incredibly proud of our daughter for completing her degree, and we can’t wait to see what she does next. If you’re here, we appreciate the role you played in her success. To Y/N!”

Your name is chanted like a chorus, and your eyes meet Pierre’s as he raises his glass. The intensity of his stare makes you blush, and you bury your head into your father’s shoulder, playing it off as being overcome with emotion. More toasts ensue, including one where you thank everyone for their continued support, and then the cake is cut. You try to slip inside, praying that Pierre-Luc and his date will leave, but the devil himself grabs your elbows as you open the back door.

“Congratulations,” he says softly, accent thicker then the last time you heard his voice. You can’t lie to yourself – he looks good. The sunshine has done wonders for his skin, and the tattoos peeking out from his shirt sleeve look new.

“Thank you.”

You offer nothing more to the conversation, which clearly upsets him, but he doesn’t do anything other than knit his brows together. It makes sense that you wouldn’t want to speak to him since the last time you did was the screaming match that ended your relationship. You go to make your exit, but the small girl hanging off Pierre’s side speaks.

“It’s so nice to meet you,” she smiles. “I’m Maisie. Luc talks about you a lot.”

“Pardon?” You’re caught off guard. Why would he talk about you to his new girlfriend?

The man in question shifts uncomfortably, like he’s going to get caught in a lie. “Yeah, it’s so nice that you guys are still friends.”

There it is. Saying that you split amicably is probably the only way he could convince her to attend this stupid party in the first place. “Ah,” you sigh, “Well not everyone is afforded the same luxury.”

Against your better judgement, you compliment her dress. Maisie thanks you graciously, explaining that Pierre bought it for her and once he’s cleared to leave Columbus they’ll be taking a trip to France, with a pit-stop in Portugal because she’s never been. Your insides churn, but you manage to keep a glaringly fake smile plastered on your face. The conversation shifts, and you find out that she also studies English Literature and expects to graduate next year. You laugh off all the coincidences, but it’s obvious to you and Pierre-Luc that Maisie is a substitute for the person who came before her.

“Why don’t you go get us some drinks babe?” Pierre asks, and the girl skips away after reaching on her tip-toes to press a kiss to his cheek.

You fiddle nervously with the hem of your dress, anxious to be alone with him. “It isn’t what it looks like,” he starts, but you cut him off.

“It’s exactly what it looks like Luc, and don’t you fucking dare say otherwise.”

He lets out a defeated sigh. “So what if it is? I think it’s glaringly obvious that I still love you.”

No shit you think, but you bite your tongue and say something more respectable. “I’d say so. She’s exactly like me, but hopefully she won’t mind being asked to put her whole life on hold.” There’s a bite to your tone that you can’t help, but it sets Pierre-Luc on edge.

“You can’t still be fucking on about that.”

You’re seeing red now, irate that he is still choosing to minimize your emotions. “I am! Because you asked me not to continue school, which is something I explicitly told you I wanted to do, just so I could be a more conventional NHL girlfriend. And then you broke up with me when I said I wouldn’t do it.” You inhale a deep breath before continuing. “I hope you have fun with Maisie in France. You should take her to that little café we went to, in Bordeaux, where we ate so much food we couldn’t walk back to the hotel. And I hope that every time she looks at you like you hang the moon, you remember that you’re recycling our entire relationship because you let it fall apart at the seams.”

Perhaps your emotions got the best of you, because the look on Pierre-Luc’s face is nothing short of shock. You’re taken aback too – your parents raised you better than to say hurtful things, but seeing him again brought up a myriad of things you hadn't yet dealt with. Without another word, you spin on your heel and head inside, slamming the door behind you. It shouldn’t upset you this much, after so many months, but for a reason you’re unwilling to admit to yourself it does.

You sit in the bay window of your childhood bedroom, wrapped in a blanket even though it’s the beginning of summer, and watch as Pierre-Luc presses a kiss to her forehead before thanking your parents for inviting him one last time. Just like him, every relationship you have for the rest of your life will be an attempt to replicate the love you had for Pierre – a never-ending circle of deja vu.

☼☼☼☼

taglist: @samsteel @kiedhara @tortito @boqvistsbabe @iwantahockeyhimbo @himbos-on-ice @2manytabsopen if you want to be added shoot me an ask :)

[fruitcoops]

ok so firstly I love any loops and jules fic but secondly could we have one where jules is having a really tough time (either missing loops/ picked on etc. ) and then we see loops (not coops) surprise him and is just so protective - just sibling fluff that’s it

Oh Jules, I’m sorry I did this to you. What a wonderful prompt, though! I’m always down to write sibling fluff! SW credit goes to @lumosinlove <3

TW for bullying (older kids picking on younger kids)

Contrary to popular belief, Jules didn’t brag about his brother every minute of every day. There was no point, and he wanted to be known for his own talents rather than living in Remus’ shadow for the rest of his life. Unfortunately, some people didn’t seem to understand that.

A balled of lined paper smacked into the back of his head. “Heads up, Loopy!”

Jules threw the ball back; it bounced off the end of the table and hit the ground pathetically. “Nice shot,” Aidan snorted as he passed, bumping his shoulder against Jules’ and making him stumble. Several people laughed. His face burned with embarrassment.

“Yeah, I bet your brother’s really proud of that,” Luke sneered. He was a big kid, far bigger than Jules both in height and muscle even though he was only a couple years older.

“Don’t talk about my brother,” Jules said, much quieter than intended.

Luke raised his eyebrows. “What’re you going do about it, Loopy?”

“Just shut up.”

“Who’s gonna stop me?” He leaned across the cafeteria table and Jules fought the urge to back away. “Huh? Your brother? He’s never around.”

“He’s busy.”

“He doesn’t want to be here.”

“He does,” Jules insisted, feeling his throat tighten. “He does, he just doesn’t have time—”

“He’s a celebrity, dude, no wonder he doesn’t want his tagalong brother around.”

It’s not true, Jules told himself. It’s not true. Time and time again, Remus had told him that hockey came second to family, but after months of not seeing him it was starting to feel false. “Shut up.”

Luke shifted in his seat and folded his hands. “Face it, Loopy: your brother’s not around because he’d rather spend time with his cool friends than an annoying little kid.”

“Leave me alone.” Jules’ voice cracked and Luke grinned.

“You’re gonna cry?” he asked, full of false sympathy. “Aw, poor baby.”

“It’s not true.” It was getting harder to believe the words. “He visits whenever he can.”

The lunch bell rang before Luke could retaliate; he ruffled Jules’ hair too hard to be comfortable and left, already laughing with his group of friends. What a dick, Jules thought as he swallowed down the tears.

He made it through the rest of his classes in a daze and walked home on muscle memory. It was a cold day for April, but maybe he could blame his red-rimmed eyes on the wind. Maybe Luke is right, part of him argued. There wasn’t a lot of evidence, but it was enough to make him want to throw up.

“Hey, baby, how was your day?” his mother called when he opened the door.

That was the tipping point, the tiny pebble that shattered the cracked glass dam holding back his tears. Jules sobbed once, dropped his backpack on the floor, and ran for the safety of his bedroom. “Jules—” The slam of his door cut his father’s concern short.

He grabbed the family picture off his wall and threw it across the room—there was no glass or frame, only tape, so seeing it flutter to the ground was far less satisfying than he had hoped. Remus had him on his shoulders for the picture; they all looked so happy. Jules sat down on the other side of his bed and buried his face in his arms, letting the emotions he had been holding in for three full hours flood out.

Deep down, he knew Luke was a liar and a bully with nothing better to do than pick on younger kids. That didn’t mean his words hurt any less.

A few minutes later, there was a gentle knock on the door. “Go away!”

There was a brief pause, then another knock.

“Just—just please give me a minute, mom!”

“I’m not mom.” Jules’ heart skipped a beat. “Can I come in?”

You’ve never been around to help me before. Anger reared up in his chest. “No!”

Remus hesitated for a moment. Jules hoped he was shocked, stunned, hurt. “Okay.”

There was a rustling noise; he looked around the foot of the bed to see a shadow in the crack beneath the door. “Are you—what are you doing?”

“Sitting down.”

“Go away.”

“No.”

“Mom, make him go away!”

“What did I do, Jules?” Remus sounded sad. There was none of his usual teasing in his tone. The anger twisted around in Jules and he scrubbed at the tears and snot on his face.

“When did you get here?” He knew he was being rude; his mother would have given him a pursed-lips look if he talked like that to anyone normally.

“A couple hours ago. It was supposed to be a surprise.”

“It’s a terrible surprise. Go away.”

“Not until you tell me what I did.”

Jules took a few shallow breaths before answering. “You’re never here. Never.”

“I know. I’m s—”

“I hate you,” he sobbed, bringing his knees tighter to his chest. “I hate you so much.”

There was a long stretch of silence on the other side of the door, but the shadow remained. “That’s fair,” Remus said quietly.

“No, it’s not!” Jules clambered to his feet and stomped over to the door, wrenching it open. “It’s not fair! I shouldn’t hate you, this is your job! You should—you should—”

Remus looked up at him from his crosslegged seat on the carpet. “I should what?”

“You should yell at me. Or make me open the door, or do anything that makes me angry at you.” He sniffled and hugged himself.

“When have I ever yelled at you?”

“The rat. And the water balloons. And when I stole your sticks. And when I froze your underwear.”

Remus winced slightly. “Fair point. I don’t keep yelling once you’re in the room, though, right?”

Jules deflated. “No.”

“So I’m not going to yell at you. Also, your bedroom smells weird, so I don’t want to go in there unless I have to.”

A smile tried forcing its way out and Jules covered it with his best scowl. “My room doesn’t smell weird.”

Remus sniffed the air, then shrugged. “Whatever you say.”

“Why are you here?”

“Mom said she was getting ice cream.”

Jules perked up. “Did she?”

“No.” Remus held up the car keys. “We can fix that problem, though. Go get your shoes.”

“Can I drive?’

“If you can convince dad, sure.” Remus stood up and mussed his hair; his hand was gentle, though, unlike Luke’s. It was a welcome change.

He grabbed his sneakers from under his bed and hopped down the hall as he pulled them on. “Dad, can I drive?”

His father didn’t even look up from the paper. “When Hell freezes over, buddy.”

“Lyall,” his mother scolded from the kitchen, though her eyes crinkled at the edges. “Remus, remember not to swear around your brother!”

“I won’t, I won’t,” he said, holding the door open for Jules as he shrugged his coat on.

They drove in relative silence, save for the Top Rock Hits of the Eighties cassette that they had each heard half a billion times. Remus pulled into the Dairy Queen drive-thru and rattled off Jules’ favorite without even having to ask. Somehow, that both soothed him and upset him even more. He handed the cone over carefully, stuck his blizzard in the cupholder, and started driving in the opposite direction of the house.

“Are you kidnapping me?” Jules asked, licking a stray drip of vanilla off the cone.

“I don’t think I can, seeing as we’re related.”

“You can. You don’t have custody.”

“Why do you know that?”

“Why don’t you, Mr. Fancy Degree?”

“This might surprise you, but they don’t exactly cover the intricacies of kidnapping in PT school.”

“Shame.”

Remus made a noise of agreement around the straw of his Blizzard as they rolled to a stop at the red light. “So, are we going to talk?”

“We already are.”

“Dude.”

“I don’t hate you.”

“Yeah, I figured.” He made a face when a chunk of Oreo got stuck the straw. “If you get that out before the next light, you can have a sip.”

Jules took it and squeezed the thin plastic. “Luke Sanders is an asshole.”

“Language.” The car stopped again and Jules showed off the unblocked straw. “Do continue, though.”

“You’ve hit every red light since we left the house. That’s got to be a curse.” He took a long sip, then handed it across the console. “You like hanging out with me, right?”

“Obviously. You’re, like, my favorite person.” Remus gave him a confused look.

“Okay, cool.” Jules felt his hands start to shake again, and he was pretty sure it wasn’t from his ice cream. Just hearing him say that made a tsunami of relief run through him. “Cool.”

“Did Luke Sanders tell you I didn’t?”

“He said a lot of stuff.”

Remus pulled into a parking lot, then took the key out and turned in his seat. “Like what?”

Jules shrugged one shoulder. “That you don’t want to be here.”

“And?” His voice had softened.

“And that it’s my fault, since I’m an annoying little tagalong.” Jules picked at the paper wrapper around his cone and didn’t look up. “He’s got a p—”

“If you say he’s got a point, all your underwear is going in the freezer.” All traces of gentleness were gone from his tone, leaving tightly-controlled fury in its place.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t—” Remus sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Please don’t apologize, Jules.”

“You’re upset.”

“Yeah, because some little shit was picking on my brother and I wasn’t there to kick his ass.”

“I can handle it.”

If anything, that seemed to upset him even more. “Does this happen a lot?”

“Sometimes.”

“Have you told anyone?”

He shook his head. “I don’t want to be a tattletale.”

“Jules, there’s a difference between being a tattletale and reporting a bully.” Remus tipped his chin up. “Hey, what’s going on?”

Jules’ lower lip wobbled. “I missed you. I always miss you, but he’s been really awful recently and he keeps saying the same stupid stuff over and over.”

Remus’ nose and cheeks reddened. “I missed you, too. If I could be here all the time, I would.”

“I know it’s not your fault, and I know you’re busy.” He wiped away another tear and tried to pull himself together. “But it’s not fair.”

“It’s not,” Remus agreed. “It’s not fair that I’m gone nine months out of the year, and it’s not right that people are making fun of you for it. Hang on for a second, okay?”

Jules nodded, still drying his cheeks. Remus got out of the car and jogged to the other side, then opened the passenger door and gestured for him to get out; as soon as his sneakers touched the ground, he was lifted almost a foot into the air. “I’m sorry for yelling,” he managed, burying his face in his brother’s neck.

Remus kissed the side of his head and held him close. “I’m sorry I’m not around more.”

He hooked his chin over Remus’ shoulder. “Can you promise me something?”

“Anything.”

“Will you be here whenever you can? I know that might not be often, but just…when you can.”

He felt Remus’ chest hitch against him. “Always,” he whispered. “Always.”

[seasonofthegeek]

The Question

I’m feeling things so let’s have twenty-somethings Ladybug and Chat Noir who haven’t seen each other in a few months because Ladybug decided to take a break from the hero thing to decide if it’s something she can keep doing after five or so years of giving it her all.

_____

"You're back. It's been a while."

Ladybug tried not to let her surprise at the neutral welcome color her expression. Transforming and swinging across the dark sky had been a spontaneous decision but when she'd caught sight of her former partner, it'd felt like it was meant to be.

Maybe she’d been wrong.

"It has," she agreed, voice slightly wavering. She cleared her throat and waffled her gloved hand in the air with a frown. "And, uh, I'm not actually sure if I'm back yet. Tonight was kind of a test run." 

Chat Noir nodded without looking at her and walked closer to the roof edge, gazing down at the lights of the city. 

"Sorry I haven't called or anything," she continued. The air between them felt too heavy to let silence settle. "I've been taking some time to try to decide, uh, some things, I guess."

"I remember." He finally did look at her and his guarded gaze made her ache in a way she couldn't quite place. His tail lashed behind him but otherwise he stood still, half turned to her.

"That's why you disappeared in the first place."

"I didn't disappear," she huffed, crossing her arms. "I haven't actually gone anywhere, Chat, and I told you I wasn't going to transform for a while so you would know not to expect me."

"You did," he conceded.

"And if I saw that you guys really needed me in a fight, I would've come," she argued, hearing the petulance leak into her tone. "But you've had it covered."

Chat Noir pursed his lips and looked away from her again. "Yep. Now it only takes a team of eight to do what you and I used to do."

"That's not fair."

"No, it's not." His jaw set in a hard line for a long moment and then his entire being visibly drooped. "I've missed you, Bugaboo," he said quietly. "Being out here isn't the same on my own."

"You're not on your own."

He shrugged. "Feels like I am." 

He moved to the ledge and plopped down, long legs slinging out over the edge in what would have seemed like a death-defying move from anyone else. "Hawk Moth and Mayura are getting stronger."

"Sure seems like it." She settled down beside him, leaving an uncharacteristic amount of space between them. "I thought we were free of them."

"Guess they were just taking a break too." Chat Noir attempted a smile but it fell short. "Doesn't help that they aren't the only Big Bads anymore."

Ladybug swallowed hard and nodded. "It just feels so...don't you just..." She let out a frustrated grunt. "I'm tired; aren't you tired? We've been doing this for years and it's that same thing over and over and..." She trailed off again and shook her head, unable to find the right words.

"It shouldn't have been us," he said after a few minutes. "We were kids. There should've been someone else to do this. Adults, people who knew what they were signing up for," he muttered. "Someone else."

"Feels like a lifetime ago when we started this."

"It wasn't. Not really."

“I guess not. And now we're the adults."

"Terrifying, huh?" A siren sounded in the distance and Chat Noir shook his head. "I'm not on duty tonight. They'll call me if they need me."

Silence settled between them and while it was heavy it wasn't as awful as Ladybug feared. There had always been things left unsaid and there always would be; the things had just changed over the years.

It was really nice to be by his side again though.

"Being in charge suits you." She crossed her legs and tapped her heels against brick before kicking out. It felt good to be up so high, to feel the thrill of power.

"Yeah, right." His words held a bitter laugh. "I never know the right thing to do."

"That's not true." She scooted to the side, closing a bit of distance between them. "I've watched your interviews, you know. And I've seen the footage of you directing the team. You're doing great, Kitty."

He loosely clasped his hands over his knees and leaned dangerously forward. He looked back towards her, hair that had gotten just a little too long hiding his eyes. "You really don't know if you're coming back?"

She knew the question was coming.

She knew and she still didn't have an answer.

"Is it so bad to want a life away from this?" she asked instead. "I don't think I'm gonna get a degree at this point, but it'd be nice to know I had the option without a villain of the week wreaking havoc. I’m surprised we even graduated."

"I’m taking some classes and it sucks." He leaned back again and she saw the shadow of a smile flicker across his face. "My only saving grace has been that classes are online and my professors don’t seem to mind me turning in stuff late."

"That’s awesome. I’m proud of you."

He shrugged. “Not completely my choice, to be honest, but I made a deal with my dad. And who knows, maybe it’ll give me some idea of what I want to do with the rest of my life.”

She let that sink in before responding. “Do you think you want to keep being Chat indefinitely?”

“I like being me. I think it’d be hard to leave it behind. Definitely hard to lose Plagg.” He rubbed at his ring.

"Yeah, that’s been a bit of an issue for me too with Tikki. She’s family.”

He blew out a loud breath. “I get why you took a break. I can admit I’ve been mad about it, but...” His shoulders slumped. “I get it. I think I needed tonight to remind me how you felt.”

She reached across the small space still between them and took one of his clawed hands in hers. “You know I wasn’t leaving you, don’t you? That’s not what I meant this to be.”

“It kinda felt like it though.” He stared down at their hands. “We’ve been Chat Noir and Ladybug for half a decade. I didn’t want that to end.”

“Ladybug and Chat Noir,” she corrected with a teasing smile. “And it hasn’t ended; it’s just been...put on temporary hold.”

He tightened his hold on her hand. “I should tell you that I want you to do what makes you happy, but the selfish part of me really wants to talk you into coming back no matter what. I don’t wanna lose you. You’re just as much a part of me as being Chat Noir is.”

She let his tail wrapping around her waist guide her closer to his side so she could rest her head on his shoulder. 

She’d missed him. Her heart had ached from a Chat Noir-sized hole she hadn’t even realized was there and as she sat on the roof ledge, looking over the twinkling lights of the city and feeling his warmth seep into her side, she felt like she could come back to this life.

But...

“I need more time,” she whispered. She felt him stiffen slightly at her side. She felt the crack of her admission skitter along the surface of her heart, and then an internal sigh of relief at the truth of it.

“I’m not going anywhere.”

[havethetimeofyourstyles]

Chapter Four.

a/n: this was one of my fav chapters to write, so hope you all enjoy! I think you’re all gonna like this one hehe :’) pls reblog to share and leave feedback as it continues to motivate me <3

SERIES MASTERLIST | word count: 10.1k

come talk to me about WTSGD! i’d love to know your thoughts!

October 31, 2017 

A lot had happened in the last five months that felt like an eternity. 

After Luci’s very first performance for Miss Saigon and her unfortunate breakdown that was caused by one of the biggest critics of Broadway, practically insulting her, she performed almost every night after that. 

When one bad review on her performance was ratified by hundreds of tweets and reviews, saying that Luci’s performance was one of the best they’d ever seen, she’d say she did her damn job. The night of her breakdown, she received a text from Nina, who sent her a link to a few reviews on her Broadway debut. Those articles directly addressed how unprofessional and poorly written Adam West’s review was, and that he needed to open his eyes to observe and admire brilliant, wonderful, and beautifully performed talent. On top of the important names next to Adam West, theatre-Twitter seemed to agree with the positive articles that were written about her, tweeting that Luci was the next face of Broadway; and who cared if she started her career in commercials and Off-Broadway because getting the role in Miss Saigon had proved that she worked her way up and that she was good. 

After reading the articles and tweets, her mood had drastically shifted. She was so overwhelmed by the positive comments that defended her from a misogynistic man that she cried again, but it was tears of happiness this time around. She walked out of her apartment, headed to Harry’s door to show him the uplifting reviews, and he was happy to see that she was ecstatic—he was happy for her. 

They had definitely become closer since that day. 

Harry and Luci hung out a lot. Whenever they had the chance and they both weren’t busy, they would knock on each other’s doors or text one another, asking to hang out. For the most part, he opened up to her, showcasing his true personality and becoming more comfortable around Luci—enough to joke around and be himself. He loved the way he didn’t feel like he had to be someone he’s not; everything felt true and real. 

It was refreshing for Harry to have a real friend, a best friend, other than Jeff and Mitch. Although he developed a small crush on said friend, it was nice to just have a chat and walk around the neighborhood with her. He’d been talking himself up to ask her out, not knowing if she’ll say yes or if she even feels that way about him; but from what he could tell, he thinks that she’s sort of infatuated with him. Luci would flirt with him from time to time, and would tell him that he’s adorable and sweet, making Harry’s cheeks redden from the sweet talk. 

Luci’s situation with Daisy and Samuel never got better. Ever since she started to perform more and more—sometimes even more than Daisy—they would be nothing but rude to her. They weren’t used to someone taking their spotlight; it was like someone stepping right in front of them on center stage to steal the show—especially if it was someone they despised and was new to Broadway. The two tried to take it up with Tal, demanding and arguing about how they deserved to perform every single night, but Tal kept her word to Luci and the rest of the industry: that she would stand up for her cast and run the show herself. 

Throughout the months, Luci had been talking with Harry about something very, very important. It was a few weeks ago, during their walk to a bagel place in the morning, when she first brought it up. 

“Remember that lady who came up to me after the show?” She asked as they walked along the sidewalk. Harry nodded, letting out a ‘mhm.’ “So, she’s a talent agent…” Harry raised his brows, thinking she was an agent for Broadway. “In Hollywood.” Samantha Stone was one of Hollywood’s greatest and biggest agents; she mostly worked with actors who were first starting out in the industry before making them successful. Samantha was always on the hunt for new and fresh talent; she walked the streets with an eye like a hawk. 

In early September, Samantha was in New York for a small getaway, as well as to meet one of her side pieces in the city. She figured she could watch a show or two since she was already in the city, and it’d been ages since she'd seen a Broadway show. Deciding on Miss Saigon because she saw the tweets and reviews of Luciana, she decided to give it a shot and see what her hype was about. And it did not disappoint. She was so intrigued and invested in the story, and was absolutely blown away by Luciana’s performance. Naturally, even though she shouldn’t be working, she waited until the cast was coming out of the theatre to approach her. 

Luci was in complete shock because she’d never had anyone walk up to her, telling her to give her a call because she was a talent agent and hoped to work with her soon. When Luci got back home, she looked up Samantha Stone and her breath hitched as she found out who she had worked with and what she did for a living. 

“Holy shit!” Harry completely stopped walking, making Luci stop as well. They stood on the side of the sidewalk as people passed by them. Harry beamed excitedly, but soon his smile softened, noticing Luci’s didn’t match his. “What’s the matter? Why aren’t you excited?” 

“I-I don’t know. I just get nervous thinking about it, like she wants to work with me.” Luci fiddled with her fingers. 

“Isn’t that great?” Harry asked softly; he didn’t see what was wrong with that, but he was being patient with Luci to try and understand what she was feeling and thinking about.

She nodded. “It is. I’m just nervous; I hate disappointing people. What if I call her and I do an audition or whatever, and she realizes that I’m not meant for the job? She’s the biggest agent in Hollywood, Harry. That would mean I’m not meant for any job,” she explained worriedly, anxiety bubbling up in her stomach as if it’d been simmering for hours on the stove.

Harry slightly frowned. He couldn’t imagine how it must feel to doubt one’s own talents, and he absolutely hated that Luci was doing it. 

“Luciana, listen to me.” Well, that definitely caught her attention. “You’re remarkably talented, end of. If you end up being dropped by that agent, then fuck her. She shouldn’t be a talent agent if she can’t see clear talent right in front of her. Literally everyone in the same room knows you are so incredibly gifted. Plus, wouldn’t you like to try it out? It doesn’t hurt to try because you have nothing to lose. You’ll still be on Broadway; and then you’ll try again later if right now is not your time.” 

Smiling, she appreciated his words. She nodded, knowing he was completely right. “Okay, I’ll give it a shot.” Her response seemed to satisfy Harry. “Thank you.” 

“Of course. I’ll always be here for you.” She smiled. “Still gonna help me grade papers?” 

She chuckled as they started walking on the pavement again. “Yup. Believe it or not, it’s actually fun grading papers.” 

He turned to her shockingly. “Oh, really? Then maybe you could be my TA and I’ll have you grade all the papers.” Luci laughed, saying that she didn’t mind; she adored moments when they were playful. Their friendship was refreshing to the both of them. 

A week after her conversation with Harry, where he reassured and encouraged her, she called Samantha, who was delighted to hear from Luci. Samantha asked if she wanted to meet for lunch; Luci was hesitant, but she remembered Harry’s words, and it really didn’t hurt to try, so she agreed and they met in Midtown at a Thai restaurant. 

It was a casual luncheon where Samantha got to know Luci before she decided if she wanted to sign her or not. Luci completely rocked her socks; she was funny, kind, and very humble—traits that not a lot of stars had. So, Samantha immediately thought she was perfect and very likeable. After thirty minutes of eating and chatting, Samantha pulled out her business side, along with a contract, and discussed what this could mean for Luci. She went over her contract very quickly, and Luci knew she couldn’t keep up so she pretended to listen, nodding and letting out a ‘mhm’ to be interactive. 

Samantha had a pen ready for her to sign, but if Luci knew anything, it was to not sign contracts right then and there, and to go over the contract in further details on her own. So, Luci told her that she would look over the stack of papers once more before she got back to her potential agent. 

Luci wished she took a business class to understand such things about contracts and how to handle things herself, but she thinks that she might enroll in some classes some time soon. She attended Boston University and graduated with a Bachelor’s degree in Performing Arts in Theatre Arts. On top of auditioning, solo acts, musical pieces, and countless shows for the four years she was there, she maintained a 3.5 GPA in her general education, and that’s something she’s incredibly proud of herself for. There were a few classes during her freshman year that she failed, making her consider dropping out, but she picked herself back up and promised herself to work harder, and she did. 

When she got back home, she tossed the contract on her coffee table as she sighed, grabbing a glass of water. She had felt stressed out about the situation, but then she remembered that Harry’s sister, Gemma, was a lawyer in London. So, she sent Harry a quick text, telling him about her situation, and asked if Gemma was able to help out. Harry was on his lunch when she texted, but he quickly asked Gemma and she was quick to comply, anything to help her brother’s friend.

The day after, Harry and Luci both sat down on his couch, FaceTiming Gemma on his laptop; it was the very first time his sister and Luci were meeting each other. Harry warned Luci that Gemma was a bit tough with his new friends, but once the two women chatted for a few minutes, Gemma was smittened with her; Harry was shocked at how quick they seemed to become friends, but he cherished it because he liked Luci…a lot. 

Luci had sent over a scanned version of the contract, so they went over it together with Harry sitting next to her for moral support; and from what Gemma said, the contract was clean. The most important thing that Gemma was looking for was that Luci had a say to back out of the contract, and it stated that clearly. Gemma told her that she could sign the contract if she wanted, and that eased Luci’s anxieties, making her thank Gemma almost a million times for her help. 

The next day, Luci met up with Samantha for brunch with the signed contract in her hand. Samantha was delighted to see that it was inked with her signature; she told Luci that this won’t be the only thing she was going to sign because so many people are going to want her autograph. That made Luci smile, giggling a tad bit at the thought of it. 

By the beginning of October, Samantha called Luci and informed her that she was booked for an audition for a supporting character in Ocean’s Eight that was to be released late next year. Luci was surprised at how quickly Samantha was able to get her an audition, but they didn’t call her the best for nothing. 

With only two weeks to prepare, Luci put her time and effort into rehearsing the few pages of the script Samantha had sent her. Luci didn’t have a talent coach whatsoever, so she tried her best to see every aspect of her acting, jotting down notes on the margins so she could further better herself. She was hiding her stress and nerves quite well as she tried not to freak out about how insane this opportunity was to even audition. 

When her audition was only two days away, she called Ren for the traditional pep-talk that inspired and motivated her to do better and to try her best because that was all that she could do. She wished that her family was physically next to her so she could feel the comfort and warmth that they provide because after all, they are home and always will be. 

Luckily, some producers were in New York holding auditions, so she didn’t have to fly to California for a day or two. She’d never felt more intimidated and nervous than the moment she stepped inside the medium-sized room that was painted in a light gray tone. A long foldable table was in the middle of the room with a small camcorder on a tripod next to it. Luci’s had many auditions, but this…this was real shit, the real deal. She was standing in front of Hollywood and big name producers who’d never heard of her name until the moment she walked in and they had a glimpse of her portfolio. 

She introduced herself, masking the nerves that were crawling up and down her body with a warm smile—not too bright, but enough to show her gorgeous grin. They asked her to read off of page twenty-three to twenty-five; taking a breath, she gave all that she could. And in her opinion, it’s the best acting she’d ever done, which is saying a lot because she thinks she did quite well after every show of Miss Saigon. 

The producers’ faces were unreadable as they simply looked at one another, writing a few notes on their yellow notepads. Luci wanted to lurk, to see what they were writing as she hoped they weren’t disappointed or had immediately crossed out her name from their list. 

They thanked her for coming in before dismissing her; she thanked them as well, waving as she walked out the door where she released the biggest sigh. It wasn’t from relief because she was still on edge of the result of her audition, but she felt like she had been holding her breath for the ten to fifteen minutes that she was in that room. Her heart was pounding quite sturdily; and if she was being honest, her mind had completely blanked out once they yelled ‘action,’ but that was usual for her. 

Now that it was ten days after her audition and Halloween, Harry practically begged Luci to get out of her apartment. She knew that she couldn’t stay cooped up in her room as she overthought the audition constantly. She began to get headaches from overthinking every single thing she did in that audition, and it drove her insane. 

So, when Harry suggested that she should go to the Halloween party that Daisy was throwing on the rooftop of her building, she dreaded it at first, but the thought of going out was calling her. She assumed Daisy wouldn’t want Luci to be at her party, but she invited the entire cast and a few more people that she knew personally, so it wasn’t like Daisy was going to speak to her. Since it was a party, everyone could bring a guest or a few friends, so that was when Luci begged Harry to attend with her. 

“Please, come with me.” She had her best pouty lip on, looking at him with doe eyes. Just by that look, he almost gave in, but he wasn’t sure if this type of party was for him. Harry was a mellow and chill guy; he didn’t need rooftop parties and unlimited amounts of booze. He was fine with a small gathering, a few movies and board games—now, that was his type of party. “The party would be so much more fun with you there.” 

Harry playfully scoffed. “Please. Luci, I’m the most boring guy there is.” 

Her brows furrowed in disagreement. “No, you’re not. I happen to think you’re quite fun.” He smiled softly at her in appreciation. “Please. We wouldn’t even have to stay that long.” 

He could tell that she wanted, no, needed him to be there with her. She wasn’t very close with her cast mates—despite all the months she’d been part of the production—besides Nina. But Nina knew everyone so Luci would be left awkwardly standing there, waiting for her friend to come back. 

“How long would we stay?” 

Her eyes brightened with hope. “However long you want.” 

“An hour? Hour and a half, tops?” 

“Sounds perfectly fine to me.” 

“And what would we wear?”

Luci was a bit shocked by his question. “You wanna match?” 

“I mean, that would be fun, right?” She nodded, agreeing. “Since it is quite last minute, I say we dress up as the 70s or 80s era. Pretty easy, right?” 

She liked the sound of that. “Yes, let’s do 70s! I wanna raid your closet because I know you have some gems in there.” 

Harry laughed out loud—her favorite laugh that was music to her ears. He knew he had a great sense of fashion, and he’d always go to the thrift store to pick up something that he’d never worn before. It wasn’t like he was not going to wear it, he just needed to be more comfortable with himself to wear the clothes that he buys. So, for now, he settled with black skinny jeans and patterned-print button downs, which is the most ‘flashy’ he’d dress as…for now. 

“I knew I liked you for a reason because I was hoping you’d say 70s.” Luci felt her cheeks warm up before they went to Harry’s apartment. 

It took an hour and a half to find an outfit that Harry liked; it would’ve been shorter, but with Harry’s 70s playlist that was playing in the background, they took breaks to dance and sing. Harry had a beautiful voice, Luci thought; and she wondered if he was ever in a band before or wrote music because he does have an elaborate music taste, and that added to Luci’s liking for him. 

They proceeded to go to Luci’s apartment so Harry could help her find an outfit. He brought his wireless speaker so the music wouldn’t stop; and she continuously threw the articles of clothing onto her bed—where Harry was lying on his stomach—every time he shook his head no. 

With the same amount of time it took Harry to decide on an outfit, Luci settled on hers. She looked in her full-body mirror, twirling around to see if it looked okay and if she was satisfied with it. Harry remained on her bed, admiring how beautiful she looked as he thought that she was way out of his league. As Luci was dancing and prancing around her apartment, Harry was deep in his thoughts; he didn’t know if asking Luci out was the way to go. Not only would he lose her as a friend when or if she rejects him, but he couldn’t bear the ache he would feel in his heart. 

For his own sake, he needed to protect himself before the heartbreak; and if that meant refraining himself from making a move, then that was completely fine to him. 

“Ready?” Luci called out from the doorway. Harry got off the bed, looking her up and down. 

She was wearing peach colored pants that flare at the bottom, sitting high on her waist; a white silk blouse with orange accents, a long brown coat because it was quite chilly outside, and pink glasses that were transparent. He thought she looked absolutely beautiful, and her outfit was meant for her. The colors matched Harry’s outfit as he wore rust-orange pants that sat wide at the bottom, a flashy patterned long-sleeved blouse with the collar matching his pants. Luci gave him a similar pair of glasses as hers, so they weren’t wearing shaded lenses in the nighttime. 

“Yup. You, uh, look really good.” 

Luci smiled, shrugging one shoulder. “Thank you! You look good, too. This color looks amazing on you.” 

Harry looked down at his outfit, hiding the blush that formed on his cheeks. “Thank you. I like it a lot.” 

They headed out and towards Daisy’s apartment building where the rooftop was large enough for everyone to stand comfortably without feeling like they were shoulder-to-shoulder. There were plenty of lounge chairs, and a few tall bar tables next to tall heaters, considering it was just below fifty degrees. 

Some people were making their way towards Daisy's apartment since it was too cold outside, but Harry and Luci decided to stay, both agreeing that the heaters were keeping them warm as they sipped on their drinks. 

“Luci!” Nina walked over towards her, giving her a hug; Luci made sure not to mess up the placement of her fairy wings. 

“You look amazing!” Luci complimented as Nina put her hands on her cheeks, thanking her friend. Luci could tell that Nina was a bit drunk already as her eyes were drooping and she couldn’t stand straight on her own two feet. 

“Harry! I’m so glad you’re here.” He smiled saying hello to her. Nina and Harry met in July when he had gone to see another show. He was giving Luci another bouquet of flowers—the same bundle that he gave her the last time since she told him that she really liked them, and they looked amazing on her windowsill—and she dragged him to find Nina since she was performing the same show. Nina immediately gave Luci that certain look that said ‘he’s really cute,’ and Luci just nodded, giving her an apparent look as well. 

“Did you bring anyone?” Luci asked, knowing that she was talking to a few guys; her favorites, from what Nina told her, was Laurent and Alec—the two guys that are in her Soul Cycle class, one on Monday and the other on Friday. 

Nina shook her head. “No. I wanted to get fucked up today and didn’t want any of my mans see that shit. Oh! Can I take a picture of you two? You both look so cute!” 

Luci looked at Harry, silently asking and he nodded. She stood beside him, not knowing whether to put her arm around his waist. They’d never taken a picture together before, after all the months of knowing each other. Luci handed Nina her phone before she turned on the flash, taking a picture of the two. Harry hesitantly puts his arm around Luci’s shoulder, making her look at him, smiling. She then wrapped her arm around his waist as they both smiled at each other before looking back at the camera. Nina was squealing behind the phone because she just captured the cute and quiet interaction between them that made for a sweet candid. 

Nina handed Luci’s phone back to her before she told her that she was going to talk to some other people. The two women hugged, and Nina said goodbye to Harry. 

Harry leaned into Luci’s side, bending down slightly. “Send me those pictures, yeah?” 

A chill ran through her body at the sound of his voice so close to her ear. “Sure,” she croaked out, sending the pictures to him. 

After a few moments of light conversation and humming the beat of the music, Harry asked, “So, which one is Daisy?” 

Luci looked at him, quite shocked as to what sparked his interest in her, but she didn’t say anything. She looked around until she spotted her in a leather catwoman suit, hugging her body tightly that Luci thought it was cutting off her circulation. But she had to admit that it looked amazing on her. 

“That one.” She slyly pointed at Daisy who was talking to some of her friends. Luci was surprised to see that Samuel wasn’t here, considering that he was part of the cast. Daisy and Samuel seemed to be in their ‘off again’ stage of their relationship; and no one who was part of the cast or who was close to them could keep up with how many times they’d been through that stage, but they seemed to like each other too much to call it quits for good. 

“Hmm. She seems nice.” 

“Yeah, she does—to everyone except me.” They were both looking at Daisy, and it was like Daisy could sense a few eyes on her, so she looked around and made direct eye contact with Luci. She excused herself to her group of friends before making her way towards her and Harry. “Speak of the devil.” Luci sighed, making Harry chuckle. 

“Luci! I’m so glad you made it.” Daisy faked a smile as she greeted Luci with a hug, which surprised both Luci and Harry. Daisy pulled away, immediately locking eyes on this. “Oh, who’s your friend?” Instantly, Luci knew why Daisy was so nice to her; it was because she spotted Harry and didn’t want him to think she was such a bitch. 

With her brows furrowed, Luci shifted a little closer to Harry who was standing there and not saying anything. “This is Harry.” 

Daisy flashed him her stunning smile that wooed almost everyone. “Hi, I’m Daisy.” He shook her hand, introducing himself. “Your outfit looks really good.” She complimented him. 

“Thanks, Luci helped me pick it out.” He smiled at Luci, who was smirking. For a second, Daisy rolled her eyes before she returned to her big smile. 

“Would you like to get a drink with me? I see you’re almost empty.” Daisy’s eyes pointed at his cup, which only had a small sip lingering at the bottom of his clear plastic cup. 

“Uh-”

“C’mon, just one drink?” Her voice was innocent and sweet, nothing like the cruel and rude Daisy that Luci knew all too well. 

What Luci expected Harry to say was that he was okay and that he didn’t want a drink with her, but he responded quite the opposite. 

“Okay, sure.” Luci’s head averted towards Harry as she looked at him with shock and a face asking what the fuck he was doing. But he shrugged as Daisy clapped, grabbing his wrist and pulling him towards the bar. Luci huffed, watching the two walk away and she was left by herself with a watered down drink and the cold air. 

She figured she’d wait for him to come back to where she was sitting, hoping he wouldn’t take too long. 

But twenty minutes had gone by, and Luci started getting annoyed.  

Thirty minutes, and Luci tells herself that she doesn’t care and mindlessly goes on her phone. 

An hour had gone by when Luci huffed, mentally saying that she does give a shit and goes to find Harry. 

How long could one drink take anyways? Definitely not an hour, Luci thought. She searched the rooftop for the two, only to hope that Harry was looking for her too. After ten minutes of looking around the rooftop, passing her cast mates who were asking her to take a shot with them—she took another one, adding more alcohol into her body—she couldn’t find Harry. She started to think the worst; he could’ve possibly taken Daisy home, or Daisy could have taken him up to her room—either way, she didn’t like any of those options. 

For a minute, she mentally debated if she should check Daisy’s apartment, which would be better since it was warmer indoors than it was out—she was convinced it got colder once Harry left her side—but the negative side of her mind, who was taunting her like the devil on her left shoulder, told her to check if Harry was inside because she wasn’t going to like what she was going to see. 

Either way, she needed to find Harry and she didn’t want to go home without him, so she went inside the building and took the elevator down to Daisy’s floor. There were people walking in and out of her place, so it wasn’t that difficult to find which one was hers. With the same amount of people inside her apartment as there was on the rooftop, Luci made her way through the nice and luxurious apartment. She was just on the edge of tipsy; the drinks with her coworkers had gotten her there. Heading up the stairs, she passed by people who were making out, cuddling on the steps, and talking. 

Once she got to the end of the hallway, she had almost given up on her search for Harry until the door at the end of the hall opened, revealing Harry who was leaving and quietly closing the door. 

Luci stood in the middle with an expressionless face. He hadn’t seen her yet, but the way she wasn’t giving any emotion didn’t mean that she didn’t care; the thoughts in her mind were invading every inch that there was just too much to focus on. 

Harry turned around, stopping in his tracks once he faced her. 

“Hey,” he greeted softly. 

“Hi.” 

“I’m sorry for leaving-”

“Were you…” Luci referred to what was happening inside the room as she couldn’t finish her sentence because the thought and the words simply disgusted her. 

“N-No.”

“Why do you seem unsure?” She was testing him; she heard the hesitancy in his voice, like he wasn’t sure if he wanted to tell the truth. 

A new attitude rose him. “Why do you care?” His voice was a tad bit harsher, but he was a little confused on why she was questioning his actions. 

She inhaled and exhaled deeply, crossing her arms, avoiding his question. “I’m going home. Are you coming with or…?” Harry bit the inside of his cheek, remembering that she hadn’t answered his question, so he’ll ask again later. He nodded, and Luci turned around; he followed. 

The entire ride on the subway and walking towards their apartment building was quiet. They didn’t even sit next to each other like they always did; just across one another, avoiding eye contact.

It was when they were both in front and unlocking their doors was when Harry spoke up. 

“Luci.” She stopped her movements, turning around slowly as did he. This time, she looked at him so deeply in the eyes that it was physically difficult for her to take her eyes off him. “Why were you mad at me before we left?” 

On the ride back home, Harry thought about the events at the party. He’d never seen Luci so annoyed at him before, so it got him thinking a lot about what she felt for him. She was jealous, anyone could see that, and he wanted her to say it out loud why she was jealous because he could name a few reasons. 

“Did you have a good time with Daisy?” 

Harry breathed out a chuckle. “You’re jealous,” he stated immediately. 

“Answer my question-”

“Then answer mine.” 

The tension was so thick that with just one small poke of a needle, it would collapse and break. They’d never had this type of conversation before, where the tension was rising and the room felt warm; they were always playful and laughing with each other that neither of them thought they were capable of having this certain type of energy with one another. 

“I was mad because you left me alone at the party…with Daisy of all people,” she said honestly, leaving a few things out. 

“Is that all?” He raised his brows, crossing his arms. 

Luci shook her head. “That’s not how it works, Styles. I answer yours, you answer mine.” 

A smug grin landed on Harry’s face. “Did I have a good time with Daisy?” He repeated her question. “To be honest with you, no. She was pretty drunk, so I took her to her bedroom—that’s why I was in there, She was…nice.” Luci sensed a ‘but’ trailing. “She even asked me if I’d wanna go out some time.”

“What’d you say?” 

He tsked. “Not how it works, Suki.” Luci rolled her eyes, letting out a soft huff. “Hey, they’re your rules.” He chuckled. “Now, answer this: why were you jealous?” 

There was a surge of confidence that Harry’s never felt before; maybe it was because he knew things Luci didn’t know herself, but watching her unfold those realizations was definitely feeding his ego. 

Luci sighed deeply before she started. “Knowing that Daisy could possibly get anyone she wanted was a bit of an insecurity of mine when we were on our way to the party. That was because I knew she’d want you. I mean…look at you, you’re literally so gorgeous.” Harry blushed. “And I knew that it was inevitable that she would ask you to hang out; I was just surprised when you said yes.” 

He nodded. “I rejected her when she asked if I wanted to go out.” A bit of weight lifted from Luci’s shoulders, but not completely as there was still something heavy she’s been wanting to say. “Why’d you hope I’d say no? Besides the obvious that she’s mean and rude to you.” 

Alright, time to fess up, Luci. 

Luci inhaled deeply, hoping her confession wouldn’t have him running for the hills. “Because why would you go out with her when you could go out with me? Like, on a date…” Her anxiety was up to her chin as she locked her hands behind her back, preventing them from shaking any more than they already were. 

That one simple question had answered all of the other questions swirling in his mind; not the ones that were asked in the rapid fire round of questioning and answering under the thick cloud of tension over them, but the ones he asked himself a few months ago when he was doubting that she’d ever felt something for him because all this time, she had felt something, and she just asked him out. 

His heart flipped. “You wanna go on a date with me?” 

“Yeah, I’ve been wanting to ask, but I didn’t know if you were interested in me or not,” she said shyly. Luci hadn’t asked someone out before—someone she was really interested in. She’d either wait until they asked her and if they didn’t, she’d move on and pretend that her feelings for them never existed. But Harry was different; seeing him with Daisy tonight had made her realize just how much she felt for him. He made her laugh, smile, and he was such a kind person. 

“I’d love to.” He suddenly answered, taking her back a little. 

She looked at him with wide eyes. “R-Really?” 

“Yeah. I’ve been meaning to ask you too, because I’m very much interested in you, but I didn’t know you were interested, well, until tonight.” Luci giggled. 

“I made it pretty obvious that I was jealous, huh?” 

“A tad bit, but it’s sweet; and I wasn’t gonna go on a date with Daisy. She’s no Luciana Ivy Suki.” He teased, making her face heat up at the sound of her full name coming from his lips. She wanted to kiss him right then and then, wanted to taste the sweet taste that he was storing in his mouth; but she refrained from doing so, figuring that they’d wait until after their date—whenever that was—to wait to kiss him because it would very much be worth the wait. 

“Okay, I’ll, uh, plan the date then.” Her lips turned up, feeling a certain ache on her cheeks already from smiling too much. 

“Can I plan it too?” He genuinely asked. 

“I did ask you, Harry.” She raised her brows teasingly. 

“Alright, alright. I’ll plan the next date then.” He blushed. 

Luci tilted her head, smiling sweetly at his words. “The next date, huh? We haven’t even been on the first date; what makes you think there’ll be a second one.” 

“Oh, love, I think there will be.” Harry stepped closer to her, heart pounding in his chest; Luci gulped at the closeness. For a moment, she thought he was going to kiss her by the way he was looking at her intently. And for a moment, she was gonna give in and say ‘fuck waiting,’ and kiss his pink lips until he leaned forward and kissed her soft cheek for a brief moment. “Can’t wait for our date. Let me know what the plans are.” 

“O-Okay.” The touch of his lips on her skin had stunned her, and she wanted them back on her instantly. 

Harry opened his door, giving Luci a small smile before walking in. She started to slowly back into her open apartment, holding onto the door handle tightly. Before they closed their doors, they stared at one another, admiring each other before they said: 

“Sweet dreams, Luciana.” 

“Sweet dreams, Harry.” 

November 8, 2017 

Harry strongly knocked three times on the door right across from his own door with a bag full of takeout, another bag full of snacks, and a small brown bag that had a white box inside. 

The door swung open; Luci smiled at the person behind it. 

“Happy Birthday, love!” Harry greeted.

“Aww, Harry, thank you so much.” She was surprised that he remembered, let alone bring a celebration to her as she eyed the bags in his hands. Luci turned twenty-six today; her day was full of greetings from her cast mates, her family, and FaceTime calls from her brother and parents. She was going to make a trip back home for a day or two since she had to perform on Friday, but she was going to see her parents during Thanksgiving, so FaceTime calls had to suffice till then. 

Stepping to the side, she invited him in. He hugged her tightly, kissing the side of her head as her face heated up. They walked to the kitchen, and Harry set the bags on the countertop, unraveling the tie of the takeout. 

“First, I’m sorry for just showing up unannounced and invading your place.” He added a breathy laugh. 

“No, it’s okay! You’re welcomed any time,” she genuinely said; Harry made a mental note of that. 

“Second, this is not a date. I know you didn’t want today to be our first date, but I couldn’t just sit in my apartment and not do anything on your special day! So, here I am.” 

“Here you are.” Luci couldn’t help the warmth that rushed to her face and neck. 

“Third, I brought Chinese since it’s your favorite food. And I just so happen to know a lovely place that has the best Chinese in Brooklyn, which is my favorite place that I’ll take you to soon, but know that you’re so incredibly special because I never take anyone there.” He took the takeaway boxes out of the bag, opening them up as steam released from the boxes. 

Luci leaned against the countertop. “And what makes me so special?” Teasingly fluttering her eyes. 

Harry stopped what he was doing, looking at her intently. “You’re so sweet, funny, and incredibly kind. But most importantly, you’re grounded and humble; and you’re special to me.” His dimpled poked through his skin as he smiled, meaning every word. 

Heart flipping, stomach in knots, and tears washing over her eyes, Luci walked around the counter to hug him, head resting against his chest as she whispered a ‘thank you’ in his ear. 

For the rest of their night, they ate the authentic Chinese food while Harry told her about the restaurant he got it from, including the workers who owned the place. They also talked about work, teased, flirted, and bantered about whether fruit belonged in salads—they do not. 

Harry gave her the brown paper bag that held her gift, and she opened it with shock. He gifted her a gold circle pin that was customized with her initials engraved in the middle, and the saying ‘Shine bright, Dream even bigger,’ separated at the top and bottom. He’d noticed that she had pins on her travel backpack, and would occasionally wear one on the side of her baseball cap. It was the most thoughtful and attentive gift she’d ever received, and that earned Harry a tight hug and many thank you’s. 

After the night was coming close to eleven-thirty, Harry called it a night as he still had to wake up early tomorrow for work. Their goodbye at her door was a long one that was filled with tight and long hugs as they swayed for a moment, enjoying the warmth of each other. They promised each other that they would find a day that was open in their schedule so they could finally have their date; they even pinky swore on it—Harry kissed her pinky, vowing. 

Luci watched Harry open his door before walking inside his apartment; she blew him a kiss as he caught it, placing his palm on his cheek, making her smile. 

As they closed their doors, Luci couldn’t help but think that she just had the best birthday ever. 

November 17, 2017 

Luci’s leg nervously shook as she waited for her digital clock to hit 2:30 p.m. 

Today was Luci and Harry’s first date, and will hopefully be written down in history. She’d been anticipating this day for a while now, and she couldn’t believe the day was finally here. The few days after she asked him out, they tried settling on a date, but the two weeks after Halloween were booked for them. 

Luci was performing most days out of the week and Harry needed to figure out his teaching plans since it was close to Thanksgiving break and winter break. But when Harry found out that he had a random Friday off, he immediately told her, and to their luck, Luci wasn’t performing that day. So, they were settled on a day, and Luci couldn’t wait to take him out. 

She told him that he was going to need to dress warm since they were going to be outside for most of the day, so he opted for light blue jeans that were a bit baggy, a white t-shirt, a black coat that had faux fur on the thick collar and cuffs; since he, assumingly, was going to be walking around a lot, he wore black old school vans. Harry looked in the mirror, ruffling his hair in his hands to get it to stick the way he wanted it to. His hands slightly shook as he was fixing his hair, and he realized he hadn’t felt this nervous in a while; it had been a while since he’d gone on a date with someone he truly liked. 

When it hit two-thirty, Harry opened his door and locked it before taking a step forward. He took a breath, shaking his nerves off; as he was just about to knock, he heard Luci shuffling around inside her apartment as her keys jingled in her hands and her boots thudded against the wood. He put his hand down, thinking it would be nice for her to just see him right when she opened the door. After a few moments, Luci felt like she had everything she needed, so she swung her door open to only find Harry standing right in front of it, hiding behind a familiar bouquet of flowers—her favorite ones from him. 

“Hello.” He smiled, dimples clearly present. Luci felt like she could cry on the spot from just being so overwhelmed with her nerves and the anticipation leading up to this day, this moment. “These are for you. Hope you never get tired of them.” Harry handed her the bouquet, and she hugged them to her chest. 

“Harry, thank you. Believe me, I would never.” The start of her cheek aches had begun, and it had been about thirty seconds into their date. But cheek aches with Harry were her favorite type of aches, so she didn’t really mind it. 

She went back inside her apartment as Harry followed her in; she put the flowers in a vase before fixing them a little, making sure none of them were drooping down on the edge of the glass vase. Placing them on her windowsill, where she usually puts the flowers Harry gifted her, she smiled gratefully at them before turning her head and smiling at Harry, extra grateful. 

“Shall we go?” He asked, and she nodded. 

Harry followed Luci down to the subway station as she got on the M train. In eleven minutes, there were four stops; the subway was quite packed with no available seats, so the two stood, holding onto the silver bar in between them with their bodies close in proximity as they stood. Harry took the chance to look down at her, simply admiring her beauty as she mindlessly looked around, not noticing his eyes lingering on her. 

When their stop was on Essex Street, they got off, transferring onto the F train towards Coney Island; and Harry suddenly knew exactly where they were going. He didn’t say anything but smile. The entirety of the ride took forty-two minutes with twenty-two stops; they were able to sit down next to each other after the first stop. 

Their bodies were close—thigh to thigh, shoulder to shoulder. Luci took out her wired earphones—figuring they were going to be there for a while, why not listen to some music—handing Harry the left one as she put the right one in. She played Fleetwood Mac, Tame Impala, ABBA, Lorde, and Hozier—a few artists they’d bonded over—as they both swayed in their seats, making up some dance routine with their arms and shoulders. They laughed and ignored the weird looks of bystanders, who were trying to have a peaceful train ride to their destination, but Luci and Harry were too focused on each other to care. 

Once it was their stop, Luci put her headphones and phone in her purse before they got off and walked side by side one another. Harry had the urge to pull her close to his side, to hold her soft hand, but he was too shy to make a move. When they walked up the stairs to exit the station, their fingers brushed together—practically bumping into one another. Luci confidently made the move and linked their fingers together; Harry looked down and back up at her as he blushed, squeezing her hand lightly. 

“Is this okay?” She asked, looking up at him. 

“It’s perfect.” He meant it; the way her small hands fit so perfectly into his, as if he was protecting them. Holding her hand was comforting, and it surprised him at how comfortable he was to be making physical contact with her; but ever since he met Luci, he’s surprised himself quite a few times already. 

They finally reached their first date hotspot, and Harry assumed right as to where she was taking him. 

Three wide entryways painted in navy blue and orange had ‘Luna Park’ painted in orange at the top. Above the entryways were large flower-like and crescent moons that lit up during the nighttime, giving the boardwalk the most illuminating glow. The large Ferris wheel could not be missed as the carts swung and rattled back and forth. On top of the excitement of the amusement park, there were screams from people who were on the roller coasters, and the smell of fair food that they couldn’t wait to devour. 

Luci paid for their entrance admission, and Harry frowned, wanting to pay, but they both agreed that they could go half on the food, and games and rides. 

They felt like little kids who were at Disneyland, minus the famous castle and Main Street music, as they walked around the park to check it out as the wood beneath them creaked with every step while they hadn’t let go of each other’s hands. 

“Everything looks really fun,” Harry exclaimed.

“Right! Do you wanna play some games first or ride on some rides?” 

“How about we get the rides out of the way? You look very excited to go on them, and I have a feeling there’s no way you’re not going on them without me.” Harry assumed, quite accurately. 

Luci put her hand on her heart teasingly. “You know me too well.” Harry chuckled. “Okay, let’s go on some rides!” She dragged him to the admissions booth, and Harry paid for both of their passes for rides. 

They waited in line for the ‘Cyclone,’ which was the biggest rollercoaster besides the Wonder Wheel. Luci sensed Harry’s nerves as he kept looking up at the ride, and he couldn’t keep still. 

She squeezed his hand tightly. “Harry, you don’t have to go on the ride with me.” She was starting to feel concerned for him because his hands were becoming damp, which she didn’t care for, and he kept bouncing his leg everytime the line stopped moving. 

He raised his brows, and brushed away his nerves to the side but not very far. “No, no. It’s okay—I’ll be okay.” 

“Are you sure?” 

Pressing a kiss to the back of her hand, he nodded. “I’m sure. We’re here to have some fun, not be nervous, right?” 

“Yeah. But I’ll admit, I was nervous before we left,” she said, hoping to change the subject to distract him from the fast ride above them. 

“Why’s that?” He curled his lips into his mouth. 

“This is our first date, I want it to go well,” she said honestly. It had been a while since she’d been on a real date—the last one being in college—but to be nervous for a date was a feeling she wasn’t familiar with. 

“Think it’s going quite well, don’t you think?” He gave her a toothless grin, brows raised. Luci nodded, happy that he was always reassuring her and making her feel comfortable. “Plus, I was nervous too—still am, if I’m being honest.” 

“Yeah?” 

He nodded his head as if his nerves were the most obvious thing. “Oh, yeah. I want this to go well too. But by the way we’ve been friends for months before this happened, I think we’ll be okay, Ci.” Her eyes slightly widened at the new nickname that she’d never heard; Harry instantly noticed her shock. “I-Is it okay if I call you that?” To be honest, he’s always wanted to call her some unique nickname that would only be for him. ‘Luci’ seemed to be the name everyone called her, ‘Ana’ was her brother’s name for her, so the last syllable in her name seemed to be free. 

“No one’s ever called me that.” And she thinks that’s extra special. “But yes, please call me that.” She approved, and he smiled. 

It was their turn to get onto the Cyclone, and Harry suddenly didn’t feel so nervous anymore as they were being safely strapped into their rollercoaster cart. The ride was quite high, looking over the blue water and Coney Island Beach; the view was quite gorgeous, even in the middle of a cold November day in New York. 

They screamed as the ride dropped; Luci held up one of her arms as the other held tightly on Harry’s hand as he grasped the metal bar, afraid to bravely put his arm up like his beautiful date. 

When the ride was finished, they had a rush of exhilaration, wanting to go on the other rides. So, they did; they laughed, screamed, and were the most carefree people they’d ever been in their entire lives because they brought it out of each other. 

After they filled their rollercoaster crave, they ate and talked. Individually, they were both worried about this part of the date where they had to talk because they’d been hanging out for so many months and getting to know each other that they thought coming up with conversation topics were going to be difficult. But it was natural for them; they didn’t put any pressure on themselves to speak every single minute of the date. Instead, they relished in the comfortable silence they seemed to form, not minding it one bit. 

The sky had turned into a cotton candy pink from a bright blue quite quickly. Luci wanted to watch the sunset, but was a bit sad that they hadn’t played the majority of the games; but Harry told her it was okay, and they would come back another time when the park reopened again during the Spring. 

Hand in hand, they walked to the beach that was just across the street from Luna Park. The bright lights from the park were becoming distant as they continued to walk further away from it. Since it was mid November, there weren’t that many people out because of the cold temperature—just the few people who were passing by along with others who decided to watch the sunset as well. 

“Tell me about your last relationship?” Luci suddenly asked; Harry looked at her amusingly. 

“Like now? In the middle of our date?” He teased, making her laugh. 

“I mean, if you want to. I was just curious.” 

Harry thought for a moment. “Hmm. My last serious relationship was over a year ago. We broke up right before I started teaching at the middle school.” 

“What happened?” She asked softly, not wanting to pry, but she was also curious. 

“We weren’t good for each other anymore. I guess life happened, and we turned into people we weren’t proud of. We grew apart; she was more in love with her career than she was in love with me. Couldn’t say I was the best boyfriend either,” he explained, not getting into too much detail. But he’d neglected her without even realizing it, causing his ex to occupy herself with work. “So, we broke up. And it felt like it was a sign from the universe that was holding me back from venturing out because I immediately got a job at the school when I had been putting off finding a proper teaching job.” He breathed out a chuckle, remembering the memory.

He’ll admit, his last relationship had hurt him quite a lot. He’d never felt such pain before, and it had made him quiet and reserved. But how it ended made him not seek out to find a relationship. For a while, he didn’t like the idea of love because it had only hurt you. But then he met Luci, and at first, he was hesitant to even be her friend because just at first glance, he was ruined, and he didn’t want to go through that process again; but here they are now. And maybe, he’ll tell her this, but for now, he doesn’t want to scare her off. 

“Do you still talk to her?” 

“Nope. Last I heard of her, she was engaged to this woman she met a few weeks after our breakup, but I have no clue if they’re still together.” He shrugged his shoulders. “What about you?” 

“My last relationship?” Harry nodded. “To be honest, I’ve never been in a serious one…like ever.” 

He raised his brows in shock. “Really?” 

“Yeah. The furthest I’ve gone that was close to a relationship was a friends-with-benefits towards the end of college, which didn’t end well.” Harry sensed her mood change a bit, so he didn’t pry on asking what happened in the past. The bad memories had filled her mind, making her frown, but she pushed those thoughts away, not wanting to think about them at the moment because the timing is unbelievable. “That’s that; I don't have any exciting or tea-spilling relationship stories.” 

For a moment, she didn’t want to jinx her luck, but she imagined what it would be like to be in a relationship with Harry—despite it only being their first date. Her mind took her to a fantasy that was so special and sweet because that was how she pictured what it would be like to be with him. 

They sat in silence as the sound of the waves crashing and the seagulls above them took over their hearing. It was nice and refreshing to sit side by side, taking in the beautiful scenery that the world provided. Sunsets had always made Luci feel a vast amount of gratitude towards the world and the people around her; the opportunities, the things that she got to see—they all wouldn’t have happened if the sun didn't go down, promising a new tomorrow. 

Suddenly, Harry stood up, brushing the sand that had gotten on his jeans. He reached out to Luci, who was still sitting down and looking up at him. 

“C’mon. Let’s walk,” he suggested. She grabbed his hand as he helped her up, and she patted away the soft sand that had stuck to her black jeans. 

They held hands as they walked the shore of Coney Island Beach, walking towards where the sun was departing from the world. Once the sky had turned into a purple and orange blended masterpiece, Harry stopped walking, facing Luci as he took a deep breath. 

“I’m trying…really hard to hold back.” He held her cold hands in his, lightly pushing and pulling her towards him. He’d been thinking about it for the entirety of their date, and he just wanted to pull her in and kiss her whenever.

Luci shook her head softly as she stopped swaying; her eyes flickered towards his mouth, glad she wasn’t the only one thinking the same thing. She dreamed of this—had been wanting to press her lips against his for quite some time 

“Don’t hold back. Please, don’t hold back.” Her tone and eyes were pleading for him to not refrain himself from the most magical feeling. Luci let go of his hands, wrapping them around his waist as if she was giving him permission to kiss her. 

He placed his hands on her shoulders, gently rubbing down to her elbows before he trailed them back up and to the sides of her neck and jaw. Placing a soft kiss to her forehead before placing his on Luci’s, he inhaled deeply, taking in the saltiness of the ocean next to them and the sweetness of her skin. 

Luci fluttered her eyes closed, and Harry took that opportunity to connect his lips with hers. They molded their lips together as if it were one, tasting one another for the first time. The feeling of their passionate kiss felt like the ocean had synchronized together, forming the most beautiful and largest wave for the most dedicated surfer; and when it crashed, it was powerful, breathtaking, and strong—like no other wave could top this one, no one could top this one of a kind kiss. 

Harry smiled into the kiss, making Luci smile and giggle as well. Her stomach fluttered, hugging him tighter to her as his thumbs gently caressed her soft skin. Nothing could top this feeling. 

Pulling back, Harry breathed out a giddy chuckle before placing a few more pecks on her lips as if he was dreaming the first time. Luci opened her eyes as did he; she looked into his and found an immense amount of adoration within him. 

“I like you…a lot.” 

She leaned her forehead against his chest, cheekily smiling and restricting herself from squealing before she looked back up at him. “I like you too, Harry.” 

Harry flashed her his smile, something that he couldn’t wipe off his face, not like he tried. Nowadays, he was smiling a lot more, and he was one hundred percent sure Luci was the cause of it. 

Kissing her forehead, Harry hugged her to his chest as they watched the sun go down. With her face pressed against his chest, she heard the erratic heartbeat that was pounded heavily; and in that moment, she knew exactly how that felt—to feel so much for one person that your heart could fall out—and she only hoped he could feel hers because it was pounding just the same. 

As they held each other tightly, they both knew that this was going to be something special. 

And they were all in for the ride.

an exciting chapter! come talk to me about your thoughts, feelings, favorite moments and scenes! thank you for reading <3 next chapter will be up next saturday!

[agapaic]

[19 days] sin city

this drabble is a gift to one of my dearest and biggest supporters, @geoviki​, who requested a bonus ‘second kiss’ continuation scene between he tian and guan shan in the ‘sweet tooth’ universe (a crazy rich asians-inspired fic), and i sincerely hope you enjoy it, viki! all my love, xxx

Guan Shan hasn’t set foot in God’s house since he was a kid. His mother goes every weekend when she doesn’t have a double shift, but he can’t bring himself to go with her. Too busy, too cynical. He knows he can’t struggle with his faith when he’s lost it; he doesn’t know if he ever found it. He knows without a doubt that he sins.

As it is, he isn’t burnt in the service, isn’t poisoned by the communion. He thinks that if anyone were to be dealt retribution then he wouldn’t be first in line. Singapore’s elite have bigger, dustier skeletons in their closets than Guan Shan, half-disintegrated with age.

He tells himself this through the readings and prayers and hymns he’s forgotten the words to, glances routinely through the stained-glass windows for a glimpse of an outside reality he can’t see. He can hear it: the rush of mid-morning traffic beyond the grassy verges of the church, neatly protected from the central business district by iron fencing and a half-acre of flower beds and rain trees.

Beneath the lip of the pew, where copies of the testaments, old and new, have been neatly placed and the firm, embroidered hassocks hang off metal hooks, He Tian squeezes Guan Shan’s hand.

‘Nearly done,’ he murmurs, while Father Joshua delivers his sermon on godliness in children and parental obedience.

Guan Shan's gaze slides to his. It’s one of the only things He Tian’s said the whole service.

‘You believe all this?’ he asks, whispering.

‘They do,’ He Tian replies, his lips barely moving.

Fans move lazily above them from the high steepled ceiling, their chains rattling over the din of the priest’s solemn tone. They don’t offer much: the inside of the church is still sticky with heat, and members of the congregation attempt to cool themselves with the service pamphlets or paperback copies of the Bible with broken spines and annotations in the margins.

From the seat in front of them, Guan Shan watches a bead of sweat slide down a woman’s neck, dampness collecting at the high laced collar of her Chanel dress. She has her own bamboo fan, painted with pretty avian sketches.

Guan Shan pulls his gaze away. ‘Which godly child are you?’ he asks He Tian quietly. ‘Absolom or Samuel?’

He Tian tries to hide a grin. ‘Destroyer of kingdoms or a monk?’ he questions, angling his head as if looking behind him. His breath is cool at Guan Shan’s ear. Guan Shan lets him lean close, breathing in sandalwood and khus oil. ‘Are those my only choices?’

Guan Shan sets his eyes forward. ‘Nothin��� else seems to be acceptable.’

‘Yes—they’re a stern lot.’

‘They should put their money where their mouth is.’

He Tian snorts quietly. He releases Guan Shan’s hand, and Guan Shan says nothing when his hand moves instead to rest innocently atop Guan Shan’s thigh.

‘He Tian…’ he starts to warn.

He Tian keeps his expression plain. ‘I told you if you came I’d make it worth your while.’

‘That’s not—’ Guan Shan bats his hand away. The gesture elicits a harsh smacking sound, and a few heads turn. Guan Shan presses his lips into a hard line. When eventually their attention shifts away again, Guan Shan hisses, ‘I’m not doin’ that.’

‘I thought you didn’t care much for His wrath,’ He Tian says, pointing discreetly upwards.

‘That’s got nothin’ to do with…’ Guan Shan breaks off. He Tian’s eyes are glittering. He’s joking with him. Guan Shan clenches his jaw. Murmuring, he says: ‘You shouldn’t mess with people like that.’

‘But you make it so much fun,’ He Tian whispers.

Guan Shan glares at him. He endures the rest of the sermon in stoic silence. Absolom, he thinks. He Tian, the destroyer of kingdoms—and young men’s hearts.

///

They linger outside after the sermon. The air is thick and charged with the aftermath of a morning thunderstorm, the ground wet with rain and the smell of petrichor. Guan Shan breathes in deeply, stepping back while He Tian greets strangers and allows middle-aged women to offer both cheeks for him to kiss, their husbands noticeably absent. They run their eyes over Guan Shan and the suit he’s going to make He Tian return by the end of the day, and He Tian politely evades their desire for introductions.

He knows everyone, Guan Shan realises, but it doesn’t surprise him. He’s seen the He family work a crowd at a party or a charity function. The lingering congregation of a Sunday mass is only another opportunity to schmooze and gossip.

‘Just another five minutes,’ He Tian murmurs at Guan Shan’s ear. ‘My father will have my hide if I don’t show my face for a decent length of time.’

‘How long’s that? By his standards?’

‘He’d have me go to brunch with someone’s mother and their daughter if he had his way.’

Guan Shan fingernails bite into his palms. The thought of He Tian being palmed off to some socialite’s offspring makes him bitter with jealousy. He’s seen He Tian only a few times since the charity function at the She estate, communicated with him mostly in veiled text messages and late night calls.

It’s been weeks since they’d shared the feeling of each other’s lips in a quiet room at the She mansion, weeks since they’d shared kueh with their legs dangling over the edge of a jetty across from Sentosa island. Most nights, Guan Shan still tastes both on his lips.

He’s got little stake to claim over the young heir of the He fortune, but he can’t help himself. He goes where He Tian asks him to, wears the suits He Tian buys him. Fuck, he’s started smoking his brand of cigarettes, too. And if He Tian wants to take him to church one Sunday morning so he has better company than a band of middle-aged women wanting him for themselves more than their daughters… Who is Guan Shan to say no after the first three times?

‘What are you thinking?’

Guan Shan blinks. Another church-goer has come and gone, and they’re alone. He Tian is watching him closely.

‘I want a cigarette,’ Guan Shan says. Technically, it’s not a lie.

He Tian snorts. ‘In the courtyard of our Lady of the Veil? Blasphemy, Mo Guan Shan.’

Guan Shan shrugs. He remembers their exchange at the threshold of the church, where two children no more than ten stood with a coin bowl held out, covered in pool-table green cloth and more cash than Guan Shan earns from a month’s tips.

‘I’m not a Catholic,’ he’d told He Tian, feeling strangely compelled to tell him with an even stranger degree of anxiety about the fact, as if it were a make-or-break moment for something they had that could neither be made nor broken.

He Tian had snorted then, too. ‘Don’t worry,’ he’d said, stepping through the doors, palming the children a few bills to line their pockets. ‘Neither am I.’

Now, Guan Shan watches as He Tian reaches into the lining of his suit jacket and pulls out a carton of cigarettes from the pocket. It’s too warm to stand outside in their Sunday best for long, and He Tian tugs Guan Shan over beneath the shade of an Indian-almond tree, its boughs offering some cool relief to a small section of the church courtyard.

Guan Shan watches He Tian light a cigarette between his lips, the flame close to his fingers. It catches; there’s a cherry red glow. Smoke blooms between them, and then He Tian plucks the cigarette from his lips and holds it out as if it’s a newly picked flower.

‘Here,’ he says. A moment passes, where Guan Shan doesn’t take it. ‘I thought you wanted it.’

‘I do, I just—’ Guan Shan can feel his cheeks starting to redden. He swallows. His throat has gone dry. He can hear the voices of men and women standing before the church. He knows some of them are watching, wondering, eager to know who his family is and where he’s come from and how he has captured He Tian’s attention with such painful, singular attentiveness.

‘You’re not—’ He Tian breaks off with a laugh. ‘You’re not worried that I’ve touched it, are you?’

Guan Shan looks away, and He Tian’s eyes widen.

‘Oh,’ he says. His smile grows wider. ‘Mo Guan Shan,’ he croons. ‘I didn’t know you were such a puritan. How proud He’d be.’

‘Shut up,’ Guan Shan mutters.

He Tian’s stance shifts, intrigued. ‘If I’d known it took an indirect kiss to make you blush, Man Upstairs be damned, I’d have put my mouth elsewhere a long time ago.’

‘Shut up.’

He Tian’s laughter is deep as he takes a drag of his cigarette. Some of the women are frowning at him. The hot breeze carries the smoke in their direction, and they waft it away with their fans and paper service pamphlets, rouged mouths pursing tightly. He smiles at them, all affable apologies, and they can’t begrudge him long.

‘They want you to fuck them,’ Guan Shan mutters.

He Tian’s eyes flick to his, and his smile grows indulgent. ‘I know,’ he says.

‘You’re not gonna do anythin’ about it?’

‘Like what?’

Guan Shan grits his teeth. ‘Like—tell them to fuck off?’

He Tian snorts. ‘They’re old friends of the family. And you forget they haven’t made me an offer, sweetheart.’

‘And if they did?’

He Tian considers him carefully. His playfulness begins to fade. ‘You’re jealous,’ he says. ‘Of them?’

‘They’d divorce their investment husbands if they knew they had a chance with you.’

He Tian taps cigarette ash to the ground. He looks away, squinting at the skyline, considering something, before taking a step forward.

‘Firstly,’ says He Tian, his voice low, ‘if they had a chance with me they’d know it. Secondly, there’d be no divorce or marriage to a man twenty years their junior because their reputations wouldn’t survive the scandal. And thirdly: what the fuck would I want with them when I have the prospect of a whole indirect kiss with you?’

Guan Shan glares at him. ‘Gimme that,’ he says, snatching the cigarette from He Tian’s fingers before putting it to his lips. He nearly chokes on the inhale, eyes watering, and smoke seeps from the corners of his mouth before he can control it the way he wants it to. There’s nothing attractive about it, but he catches He Tian watching him with an indulgent smile.

‘It’s been five minutes,’ He Tian says, taking a glance at his watch. ‘We can go now. I promised to buy you brunch. You’re still happy with Orchard Road?’

‘I’m not finished,’ Guan Shan says.

He Tian’s brows lift. ‘You can’t smoke and walk?’

‘I didn’t mean that.’

He Tian tilts his head. ‘Oh?’

‘I meant—it’s not really fair, is it? It’s always—always you kissin’ me, and shit.’

‘Always?’

‘Yeah, with the—distractin’ the guards at She Li’s house and with—’ He makes a vague gesture. ‘—the cigarette and—’

‘Guan Shan—’

‘—it’s only fair that I get to prove my own fuckin’ point too—’

‘Mo Guan Shan—’

‘So will you just shut up and let me kiss you?’

He Tian stares at him.

Then he swallows.

‘If you really want to,’ he starts, ‘I suppose I’m in no position to—mmphh!’

It isn’t tender or soft, and Guan Shan is vaguely aware of the cigarette burning to ash between his fingers. He lets it fall, hopes he’s ground it out beneath his foot properly and remembers to pick it up after or risk a fine, but first: this. His fingers tightly locked in the dark strands of He Tian’s hair; He Tian’s lips bruising against his own, the sharp gasps of the women loitering by the church doors.

It’s exactly as he remembers from last time. A crushing pressure, the sense of being caught unawares. No finesse. Guan Shan knows it could be slower, that they could take their time, a pilgrimage of vulnerability and one body learning another, but something possessive in him has taken over—this is a crusade.

He Tian’s answering kiss twists into a grin against Guan Shan’s mouth. Guan Shan swallows He Tian’s amusement down, finds the feel of He Tian’s smile against his lips unfairly alluring. He does his best to try and rid He Tian of it, crowding close until He Tian’s back hits the trunk of the almond tree and He Tian is groaning beneath the pressure of his lips. He tastes the acrid smoke of their shared cigarette and He Tian’s breath mints, feels the humid beat of the mid-morning sun—and He Tian’s hand pressing gently at his chest.

He pulls away, staggering and breathing hard. With satisfaction, he notes that He Tian is, too.

‘I think we’re even now,’ says He Tian, a slight rasp to his voice. His eyes are bright and he runs his thumbnail over his lower lip, which has gone swollen and red. ‘You’ve suitably convinced your audience.’

Guan Shan looks away. ‘Dunno what you’re talkin’ about.’

‘Oh?’ He Tian asks, amused. ‘That wasn’t you staking your claim?’

Guan Shan hesitates. Part of him can’t bear to look behind him. ‘Are you gonna be excommunicated?’

He Tian chuckles. ‘I’m sure I can find my way back in. Father Joshua is particularly fond of He Cheng’s hideously curvaceous Bugatti.’

‘Guess that’s somethin’,’ Guan Shan mutters.

In answer, He Tian sweeps a hand through the loose strands of Guan Shan’s red hair that have slipped down across his forehead. The touch is fond and familiar and makes Guan Shan swallow hard.

‘You know,’ says He Tian. ‘You can do that any time you want. Not just to prove a point.’

‘You haven’t,’ says Guan Shan, an accusation.

‘I didn’t want to scare you off. I realise last time I was a bit—’

‘Forceful?’

‘Abrupt,’ He Tian corrects delicately. ‘But still—I don’t want you to think you’re any less mine.’

Guan Shan looks at him. ‘Thought you couldn’t have anythin’ you wanted.’

‘Ah…’ He Tian drops his hand, leans back on the heels of his Louis Vitto’s. Almost boyishly, he says, ‘I thought it was a done deal. You and me.’

Guan Shan neither confirms or denies. Instead he asks, ‘Who’d you trade with to get that impression?’

He Tian nods his head upwards. ‘Did it work? I sold my soul for it. ’

‘And they still let you in?’

He Tian’s look is sinful. ‘They let the worst of us through.’

Guan Shan rolls his eyes. He wets his lips. ‘Well,’ he says. ‘I think you’re on a decent road to redemption.’

‘Is that your way of saying it was a worthwhile bargain?’ Tell me it worked.

‘Is that your way of askin’ if I’m yours?’ Guan Shan asks. All these riddles and metaphors—sometimes he has to bring them back to the ground, make sure they’re on the same page.

‘I—Yes.’

Guan Shan nods, then jerks his chin in a challenge. ‘Make me believe it and I might be.’

He Tian’s eyes flicker towards the church just for a moment, but then he smirks, reaffirming their closeness with one step. ‘Mo Guan Shan,’ he murmurs, angling his head down, ‘I thought you’d never ask.’

[silenceofthecookies]

Henlo Cookie UwU! Happy to see your askbox open, hope you get many good requests! I need some of that motivation to dive into the Magi manga u so graciously let me borrow, so I am going to ask for a scenario with Kouen and his beautiful goatee UwU, maybe an arranged marriage, but him and fem!reader actually fall in love? It's a bit unexpected for both of them since they were just seeing it as a duty, but a nice extra. Happy writing, enjoy your week off and much much love and much UwU!

Henlo Hazel! And I’m happy to see you in my askbox UwU. I’m really looking forward to you reading the manga! I’m expecting updates on feelings, though the most interesting things are in the second half, obviously 😉 For now, enjoy Kouen and his terribly weak goatee game! ❤

Word count: 1823

Warnings: Suggestive themes

“Do you, Ren Kouen, take L/N Y/N to be your lawfully wedded wife?” “I do.” “And do you, L/N Y/N, take Ren Kouen to be your lawfully wedded husband?” “I do.” “Then by the power bestowed upon me by the Kou empire, I hereby pronounce you husband and wife. You may now kiss the bride.”

The first kiss held no emotion at all. Neither did the vows. Everything felt forced, just like the marriage you had gotten into. Not that you expected anything different. You and Kouen had been forced into a political marriage, you as the eldest princess of your kingdom, and Kouen as the crown prince, who would need a wife for when he ascended.

You had only met once before the marriage. The emperor of the Kou empire and your father were discussing the alliance, while Kouen was showing you around the palace grounds. He had been indifferent, uninterested and he seemed everything but happy. You couldn’t blame him, you weren’t too excited about this either. Though you were happy that Kouen was a handsome young man, and not some ugly old creep.

The party was stiff and formal, as you had expected. The wedding took place in the Kou empire, where you would now be living. Only a few nobles and family members from your country had showed up, so most of the guests were people you didn’t know. Kouen greeted them all with either a serious face or a confident grin, and he introduced you to every one of them. You were sure you wouldn’t be able to remember all of their names. The party wasn’t really on your mind at the moment, and neither were politics.

It was with your now husband, and what he would be expecting of you, mostly of the first night. You knew what was supposed to happen, but you did not feel ready for it at all. You had read many stories talking about the romance of sharing a bed with the person you loved, and the fact that you had to share this special moment with a stranger made you sick.

The party lasted until late in the night, and it resulted in quite a lot of drunk people. One of them had been one of the Kou princesses, Kougyoku if you remembered correctly, who had started talking to you. It was a little awkward because she was pretty far gone, but you could feel she meant well. She told you little things about Kouen, things you ‘should know as his wife’. How he would work until late at night, how he enjoyed reading and playing chess to pass his free time. How much all his younger siblings looked up to him, and how much of a respectable man he was. Before she got much further, one of her servants gently coaxed her away from your side, and apologised on her behalf for her intoxicated state.

Not long after that, the party ended and you follow Kouen to the bedroom. You were so nervous you could throw up, but you tried to endure it. Kouen held the door open for you, and you stepped inside.

“Your clothes are over in that closet. If you need anything, call the servants. I will be sleeping in my room down the hallway.” You stared at Kouen in disbelief. “But shouldn’t we… ehm…” “You’re uncomfortable, right? Don’t pretend you’re not, I’ve noticed your behaviour at the wedding. I refuse to take a woman against her will, wife or not. Get used to life around here first, then we’ll see about consummating the marriage.”

You stared at his back as Kouen left your room, unable to react. About a minute after he closed the door behind him, you collapsed and started crying, unable to contain all the feelings you felt. Fear. Had you been so obvious? Would there be consequences? Doubt. Were you not good enough? But also happiness. He would not take you against your will. You would not be forced to spend the night with him. You would spend the night in your own bed, without a stranger next to you, doing things to you.

Once you had let out most of the emotion and sorted the bulk of your thoughts, you got changed into your nightgown and lied down in the bed. After all the stress from that day, and the emotions from that night, you were both physically and emotionally exhausted. The comfort of your new bed took you by surprise, and it didn’t take long before you fell asleep.

The next morning, servants woke you up, helped you get ready, and your new life as a princess of the Kou empire, and wife to Ren Kouen, began. You were required to join him and his siblings during mealtimes, but apart from that you got a surprising amount of freedom. You were no hostage for your country, but you still expected a more restricted approach, certainly since Kouen seemed to strict. Then again, he had already shown you he respected you, at least until a certain degree.

For the first few weeks, you and Kouen barely talked to each other at all. There was some conversation during mealtimes, mostly to keep up appearances, but there was no spark, no affection, no love. Once mealtimes were over, you minded your business, and Kouen minded his. He never asked you to sleep in his room, nor did anyone else question it. It wasn’t like he was unfriendly to you, and neither were you to him. There was just very little interaction coming from either side. It was an arranged marriage after all, this was just your duty. Neither of you seemed very much interested in each other, until one night in the library.

You had been in the Kou palace for a little over a month, and you knew the place like the back of your hand. It was late, but you were far from tired. To chase away the boredom, you decided to head to the library to find a book to read until you got sleepy. Once you entered the library, you noticed the two eldest princes. Kouen was sitting on a chair next to a table with a chess board on it, and Koumei was walking away from the table.

“Come on, Koumei. Just one more game?” Kouen grinned. “You always say one more game, and then you insist on another one after that. I’ve had enough for today, brother. I’ll be retreating to my room. Good night.”

Koumei walked past you on his way out, and nodded to you as a greeting before he left. Kouen sighed, although still grinning, and looked at you.

“Good night, Y/N. What brings you here at this hour?” “I wanted to read a book before going to bed.” “I see… so you’re not tried yet?” “No…?” “You wouldn’t know how to play chess, would you?” “Only the basics, but I do, actually.” You were a little proud to admit you knew how to play chess. Maybe a little too proud. Kouens grin widened at your answer. “Then, why don’t you play a game with me?” You instantly regretted your answer, and the pride behind it, but it was too late to back down now. “Very well, one game.”

One game turned into many. Kouen beat you every game, but you learned from his strategies and got a little better every time. About 5 games in, most of the formalities and indifferent treatments had been cast aside and you finally managed to see Kouen as the person he was. Confident, curious, smart, strategic and most of all, someone who loves gloating at a win, even if it was against an inexperienced player. And on the rare occasion that you made a good move that ruined his strategy? He would actually scowl, which was an oddly cute look on the crown prince. The games continued for a good while, before drowsiness finally caught a hold of you.

“Perhaps we should end our game here for tonight?” “We’re mid-game, how come?” “Because you seem to be falling asleep right where you’re sitting.” Kouen said with a serious face, though he couldn’t help but grin at the end. “Maybe then you should make your move so we can continue this game. That would ease the boredom. I get thinking about your move, but you’re really taking long this time.” “I made my move 3 minutes ago, Y/N. Did you not notice?” You stared at Kouen, and he grinned back at you. Feeling your cheeks heat up, you huffed and got up. “Fine, we’ll end it here for tonight. Good night, Kouen.” “Good night, Y/N.”

Getting up the next morning was more of a challenge than expected. You had stayed up much later than expected because of the games, and now you were feeling the results of your actions. Maybe taking a nap somewhere around noon would be a good idea. Or straight after breakfast. That also sounded good.

“Well well, look who’s finally woken up.” Kouen grinned as you sat down next to him. “Did your defeat from last night keep you awake?” “Oh no, not at all. Though I suppose you slept great, gloating about how you, an experienced player, beat a novice at every single match?”

The table was deadly silent, with the exception of Koumei. Knowing what was going on, a single snort from him was heard before he continued eating with a smile. Kouen stared at you with his piercing glare, before actually laughing. The sound of his laughter sounded like music to your ears, and the way his eyes closed while laughing made your cheeks feel warm.

“Then why don’t we change that? My study, tonight after dinner. I’ll show you that no matter how good you get, you still won’t be able to defeat me.” “You’re on.” “Good.”

Kouen grinned at you one more time, before continuing to eat his breakfast. You had no idea why you agreed to getting your ass kicked some more at chess. It was probably his laugh, the sound and sight of it were now burned into your brain, and you were hoping to see it again soon.

As you walked back to your room, set on getting some more sleep now you knew you would probably be up late again tonight, you went over what just happened one more time. Mostly over what you felt during that conversation. The want to spend another night with him like that, and the heat you felt in your cheeks when he actually laughed. You had a good idea what this was, you had read enough books about it, but you wouldn’t call it love just yet. Maybe a crush would be better. You barely knew him after all, but you had a feeling that wasn’t going to be the case for long.

[greekgeek21]

Percy Jackson & The Avengers: Convergence - they steal an old pirate ship

I'm alive!! I'm so sorry for just ditching you guys, but I was in Shasta for a week and didn't have any internet access so I wasn't even able to say that I was gonna not update. But I hope this nice, semi-long chapter makes up for it!  Reminder that this is also available on FF, Inkitt, Ao3, Webnovel, and Wattpad

On a completely different note, I'm going to be starting to write a book. Like, a real published book. It'll take a few years but I'm determined and I love the idea I thought of so if any of you are interested, email me at oceanbreezq68@gmail.com and I might be willing to send some samples. I want input, badly. And all the people in my life are biased. Total strangers on the internet are totally made for this, right?

I recently got into readers marauder era fanfics and I'm already in too deep, gays (and yes I meant to say gay, we all know it if you're reading pjo fanfiction). There is no escape.

Anyway, I'm running out of prewritten chapters, so I have to get to writing that while preparing to write a book. Wish me luck! Happy pride month! 🏳️‍🌈✨

- your author

Ω ♆ Ω

"Run it by me again. Just one more time," Steve asked, still highly confused.

They had made it to Florida and were now at a private dock. Percy had just briefly explained his control over any water vehicle and the Captain was not getting the point.It was understandable. Percy still barely got it.

However, they didn't have a whole lot of time, and every second they wasted discussing Percy's weird powers was another second Annabeth's captors had to hurt her. They did not have time for this.

"We are going to steal a boat, and I'm going to sail us the rest of the way," Percy sighed.

"Ok, but, how are we going to sail it if only you know how to do it?" Steve asked.

Even Piper was getting frustrated now. "He can control the boat! We won't have to do anything! The boat will listen to his will! Oh my gods!"

"But how is that possible!?" Steve shouted.

"How would I know?! I was just born with the freaky powers!" Percy yelled right back, getting fed up with this never-ending conversation.

Jason decided to cut in before things got too out of hand. They had to save Annabeth.

"Guys! This doesn't matter! What matters is that we save Annabeth, and we can't do that if we're stuck here arguing over something that is out of our control," he said.

Percy huffed. "He started it."

Hazel rolled her eyes. "How does Annabeth put up with you?"

"Honestly? No idea," Percy smirked.

"Let's just get going, team. We have a boat to steal, right?" Tony asked.

"Yep. And I think this place has the perfect one for the job." The son of Poseidon then started walking away, apparently following his weird sailing powers.

I guess we're supposed to follow him, thought Piper.

Ω ♆ Ω

"This is supposed to take us through the most cursed waters on the planet?" Bruce asked, looking the boat up and down.

"Yes. Isn't it beautiful?" Percy said and smiled, running his hand along the side.

Tony leaned over to Frank. "Is he seeing the same boat we are?"

Frank just shrugged, used to Percy's weirdness by now. Honestly, it was a little hard for him to imagine the team taking what was in front of them to Polyphemus' island. It seemed like it wouldn't survive the normal ocean.

To be clear, what Percy was suggesting they take was an old pirate ship, currently on display inside of a warehouse at the dock. It was covered in dried-up barnacles, and the mast was split in half. There were also holes all along the sides. It was a miracle the thing hadn't crumbled already.

"Yes, Tony, I am. This thing will run for me. It doesn't even need to be repaired, I can handle that. The only thing that matters is that it is built to withstand the type of waters we're going out in," Percy said. "We need all the advantages we can get."

Natasha, to everyone's surprise, spoke up, "I think we should trust Percy. If he says it'll work, then it'll work. He's the son of Poseidon, right? Nothing can hurt us while in the ocean. Am I correct, Percy?"

Jason cleared his throat and gave Percy a significant look. The Avengers needed to know that they were basically powerless in the triangle. The older teen looked ready to explain, but Frank spoke before he had the chance.

"Actually, no. The Sea of Monsters is outside of Poseidon's realm of power, hence the name. Percy won't have the same access to his father's domain as he does out here," he said, "So, basically, we're entering a dangerous situation, with no backup, and an inexperienced team. Should be fun, right?"

The Avengers were shocked, to say the least. Not at what the boy had said, but who had said it. As far as they had seen, Frank wasn't as confident as his physical form portrayed. They were wrong. Frank was confident, and his friends were proud of him for it, too. It had been a large transformation from when Percy had first met the son of Mars.

"Well, I think we should start heading out. We want to get as far as possible before the sun goes down, right?" Piper asked.

"Right," Percy nodded.

She wasn't really certain about all of this sailing stuff. Sure, she had been on the Argo II, but that was different than an actual boat. For one, it could fly and was controlled by a gaming console. She hadn't really bothered learning how to actually run a ship for that.

But now, she had to act like she knew what she was doing, and that was scary. The Avengers may put on a confident front, but she saw the insecurities in all of them. Some were harder to find than others, but finding insecurities was her specialty.

They really were going into a completely unknown situation. At least Piper and the Seven had been in this world for a little while, but the Avengers hadn't even encountered a monster before. It would sure be a shock when they were faced with some of the worst ones for their first fights. So, she and the rest of the demigods had a responsibility to be the examples, no matter how much the "adults" liked to point out that it was "ethically wrong" for them to do that.

Ω ♆ Ω

Turns out, the kid hadn't been lying about being able to sail the ship. Tony would be the first to admit that he was skeptical of the structure of the vessel, but he was proved wrong when, after the group had gotten the thing into the water, it had started to magically prepare itself for departure. Not a single drop of water leaked into the interior; it was like the water simply moved around the holes.

It was spectacular!

Before he knew it, the group had settled into the boat and were moving away from the dock. The Avengers were marveling at everything around them, considering that Percy wasn't even steering the thing, and yet it was supposedly moving in the right direction. To add to the shock, the ship's parts were moving themselves. It was not logically possible, and yet there Tony was, watching it unfold like some kind of acid trip.

"This is...amazing," he muttered, leaning against the rail with Leo, who he had taken a certain liking to. They were a lot alike.

The son of Hephaestus grinned, "Right? I told you guys Percy had cool powers. You should see him with Blackjack or Arion. It's wacky, man!"

"Who's Blackjack and Arion?" Tony asked, noting the new names.

"Oh. Right, I forgot. Blackjack is Percy's pegasus, and Arion is Hazel's horse. Percy can talk to them because his father created horses," Leo answered.

And just when the man of iron was getting used to all of this, he was pulled back into astonishment.

Ω ♆ Ω

After a couple hours of mingling and exploring, Percy called the team up to the deck. He had started to feel it a while ago when he knew it was still a distance away, but now he knew that they were approaching the Sea of Monsters.

It was a blank spot for him. Everywhere else, he could feel the ocean's power thrumming, waiting for him to control it. But here, there was nothing. Considering they were in the middle of the ocean, it was pretty obvious what it was. That was how he had tracked the place down without a map. It was his blind spot. He would just follow the blankness like it was the North Star.

Once everyone had gathered, he told them the news, and to say the atmosphere changed was an understatement. What smiles they had had disappeared, and their expressions turned serious.

"It's time, guys. Get ready. The first thing we're going to come up on is Scylla and Charybdis. We have to go through them to get into the sea. Now, I've planned this so that we should hopefully be able to pass through without any problems, but with six demigods' luck, we shouldn't rely on that too much. Charybdis only feeds three times a day, so if I planned this right, we should be able to pass over her without a fuss. Everyone got it? Be prepared for a fight, but don't expect it, please. We don't need any more reasons for the Fates to curse us."

Hazel stepped up, "Should the Avengers help us if we end up fighting something? Or should they just observe how we deal with monsters first?"

"We can handle ourselves," Steve defended.

Jason sighed, fed up with the same old arguments, "Alright, that's it! The Avengers will let us take the lead in any fights we may or may not end up in. They will not do anything without one of our approvals because we have actual experience with these beings. They will not be put on the sidelines, but they will also not be on the front lines. Does that work for everyone?"

Percy sent a thankful grin to his cousin, "Thank you, Jason. And yes, it does."

Jason just nodded in return.

"Alright, gang! Buckle up! Make sure to keep your hands and feet inside the ship at all times, and remember, the sword points away from you. It's showtime!" Leo cackled.

Just as he finished, they entered a wall of mist, which was unsettling to say the least. The temperature dropped almost three degrees as they passed through it.

Percy pulled out Riptide before steering the ship towards Charybdis. Hopefully, if everything went to plan, they would be out of this Hades-forsaken place by sunrise.

But, of course, nothing ever went to plan on a demigod's quest.

Ω ♆ Ω

Maybe it wasn't the best idea for me to come, was Bruce's first thought as he got his first glimpse at a greek monster. He had taken refuge inside the sleeping quarters of the ship, practicing his breathing exercises. He was really hoping this didn't turn into a Code Green. This was definitely not the place to let the Hulk loose.

So far, it had been silent upstairs, so Bruce concluded that it was going good so far. He had researched the Greek and Roman myths before they had left and on the plane, and everything that he could find on Charybdis was not reassuring. It was true what Percy said, that she only ate three times a day, but nobody really knew when those times were. Until Percy, apparently. He had survived the Sea of Monsters, so everyone on this ship had to trust his judgement in everything they did here. Bruce could tell that the other Avengers were struggling with taking orders from a "child." But Bruce had learned to not underestimate anyone on his travels while in hiding. Plus, look up any demigod's name and there was a whole list of accomplishments to find.

If Percy said that he knew when the monster liked to eat, then he knew when the monster liked to eat. It was as simple as that.

So, ten minutes into their first obstacle, and things were going fine. Everyone was eerily quiet, but no sign of Charybdis or Scylla yet. Of course, as soon as someone thought about it, an outline of a serpent appeared in the fog surrounding the boat.

Frank was the first one to spot it. "Guys..." He looked up at Percy. "We have a problem."

He pointed into the fog and Percy cursed. "Oh schist. I knew she couldn't just leave us alone."

The Avengers had figured out that something was coming and were unsure what to do. The demigods seemed to be just waiting like sitting ducks for the thing to attack them, and that was not a good plan. The Avengers don't wait for their opponent to strike first.

"Alright, that's it. I'm going to see what it is," Tony mumbled, activating his Iron Man armor.

"No, Tony! That's not a good-" Piper got cut off as the billionaire flew off, "...idea."

If she couldn't yell at that idiot, she was gonna yell at his teammates. She turned around, prepared to cuss out some idiot "superheroes," but Hazel beat her to it. "What was he thinking?! Why didn't you idiots stop him?! He has no idea what he's getting himself into! That monster is NOT something you guys can handle without our help! Mortalium tam stultus!"*

Natasha appraised the small demigod. She sure was a young spitfire. And from what she had seen already, a powerful one.

"Ok, let's just calm down, alright? Tony should be able to hold his own until we can go save his stupid ass," Leo sighed. Working with mortals was draining.

They were always so brash about things. And yes, coming from a greek, that statement was pretty hypocritical, but it still wasn't a lie. He idolized Mr. Stark's work, but man if only the guy could learn some restraint and he would be perfect.

Just as Leo had spoken, an explosion was heard, followed by a muffled string of curses. Only Tony Stark could come up with those creative swear words, so at least there was proof that the guy was still alive. For now, at least. The group needed to get that soon.

"Alright, hold on! This is gonna get bumpy!" Percy shouted, steering the ship towards the sound of fighting.

He willed the vessel to move faster, and it, of course, obeyed. In his head, Percy was just thinking rush rush rush. They needed to get this fight out of the way and get to Annabeth right after. Percy was praying to any god that would listen for there to not be any more disruptions to their journey. He just had to be confident in his skills. He had done this before, so he knew what lay ahead of them.

And it was going to be a challenge.

Ω ♆ Ω

Tony would deny any claim of him being held in the mouth of a sea serpent by his leg. Cuz that didn't happen. Totally.

But if it did, then the rest of the questing group would have worked together to fend off the monster until they could get away. Percy would've used Riptide to stab the monster in the leg, while Jason flew up and used his gladius to cut open her eye. The rest of the group basically just put on a full-frontal assault until Scylla released their idiotic teammate. Leo blew some fire, Hazel manipulated the Mist so that the Avengers could all see it for what it was, Piper made it loosen its grip with her charmspeak, Frank and Clint released some well-placed arrows, Natasha fired some gunshots, and Steve sliced into it with his shield.

All in all, the thing realized quickly that it was outmatched.

Then, after Tony received a very stern reprimanding by Piper and Steve, the group carried on. They didn't have time to dilly-dally. Saving Annabeth was their top priority.

Ω ♆ Ω

Meanwhile...

"Let me go, you skatá!"* Annabeth screamed, kicking her captor in the knees.

She had been knocked out as soon as they had shadow traveled, so she hadn't woken up until an hour ago. When she had, her wrists and ankles had been shackled to a stone wall with imperial gold shackles. The terrorists had stepped up their game.

There was dim lighting, but from what she could figure out before, she was in a cave of some kind. They had completely cleared out the area around her, so there weren't any visible location markers. That is, until they moved her.

The people who had grabbed her were strong and bulky and covered in black. They had black combat suits with black ski masks covering their features. Stereotypically, Annabeth would've figured the goons to be stupid, but they kept her shackles on and put a sack over her head so they at least has someone smart on their team.

Annabeth was getting really sick of not knowing anything, though.

So that's where she found herself at the moment: as a "defenseless" hostage. It was quite comical, really. Did these idiots really think that she would go quiet?

She felt one of her kicks come into contact with a kneecap and heard a satisfying grunt of pain from one of the thugs. Good, she thought, I hope that hurt.

Then, she was thrown onto the cold, stone floor and forced to hold her head up. The whole situation was so stereotypical that she wanted to laugh. But then she also didn't want to come off as more psycho than her captors, so she kept it to herself.

"This is quite interesting," a voice said, "The prideful daughter of Athena, reduced to a simple mortal's hostage.

The sack on her head was yanked off, so Annabeth spat down at the man's feet, glaring at him with a burning hatred. Taking a quick survey of the room, Annabeth found that she was being held captive on Polyphemus' island. The room was the main room of his cave; the one where she, Percy, and Grover further blinded the cyclops.

"If you had actually gotten me on your own, it might have been impressive, but having to use monsters is just pathetic," she said.

The leader growled and kicked her in the jaw. It didn't have enough power to break it, but it did cause her to bite through her tongue.

Annabeth spit out the blood produced in her mouth, dirtying the man's shiny shoes. The guy would have to do a lot worse than that to scare her.

"Hmm... I like your spirit. It's going to be that much more fun when I break it," he hissed, kneeling down to her eye level.

"I hope you rot in Hades," is all Annabeth responded with.

The guy laughed. ACTUALLY laughed. So, he was a crazy sociopath hades-bent on tearing down the natural order of the universe, Annabeth decided, how nice.

Ω ♆ Ω

I kinda really love this and I hope you did too. Now, to get into some unasked political shit: Love is love. I like all genders, and I still don't want to see any of them practically having sex in front of me. So just, accept yourself and others for who they are and move on. Is that so hard? Happy pride month & happy Father's Day!!

- your author

PS Remember to comment, like, and reblog!

other chapters :)

Ω ♆ Ω

Bonus scene!

The group was spending time in the dining room of the ship when all of a sudden, Percy remembered something truly horrifying. Like, beyond disgusting!

“Oh, my gods! Guys!!!” he exclaimed.

Hazel rolled her eyes and said, “What, Percy?”

“Charybdis is my half-sister! Ew ew ew ew ew EW EW EW EW!!!” Percy shouted his answer.

Everyone simultaneously gagged.

(Inside, Steve was starting to get seriously concerned about these kids’ chaotic family.)

[homeformyheart]

the perfect gift (part 1) - noah harris x mc (mtfl)

author’s note: the idea of noah of hearing how proud his dad is of him and how important emma is to him just came to me randomly in the car and it’s the fastest fic i’ve ever written (~5 hours)! this is considered a sequel/follow-up to first choice and takes place about 3 years after. noah’s roommate “sean” is “sean gayle” from endless summer 😊.

copyright: all characters owned by pixelberry studios. series/pairing: my two first loves - noah harris x mc (emma price) rating/warnings: 18+; swearing, descriptions of drinking, smoking; smut will come in part 2 word count: 3k based on/prompt: gift for day 14 of choices september challenge summary: emma spent months carefully planning noah’s 21st birthday gift and drove up to surprise him at hartfeld for the weekend, but things go south after a big fight makes them both reevaluate their relationship after three years together. 

read first choice to learn how they got together in the first place.

the perfect gift (part 1)

emma locked the car, put the keys in the ignition, and turned on the radio. she rested her forehead on her hands that were gripping the steering wheel as the fight replayed itself in her mind and she heard noah’s hurtful words on repeat. she closed her eyes and let the tears fall, her body shaking with sobs.

emma walked down the hallway toward her boyfriend’s apartment with a spring in her step, a large package hidden in a shopping bag swinging with each step. it was the last suite on the floor but even halfway there she could hear loud music blasting from inside. she wasn’t aware they were having a party, but she figured she would still be able to surprise noah for his birthday. she spent months putting together the perfect gift for him and was excited to give it to him. she felt a slight twinge of guilt for lying to him about not being able to visit this weekend and blowing off his texts and phone calls today but only so she didn’t accidentally let her plans slip.

she knocked on the door and one of his roommates greeted her before pointing toward the balcony. the apartment was packed and already reeked of both beer and fruit juice, half full cans and empty plastic cups littered almost every available surface, including the beer pong table set up near the balcony. she used the key noah gave her at the beginning of the year to drop off the shopping bag with his present in his room, locking the door behind her before going to find him. he was standing over the railing with his back to the balcony door, but emma easily recognized the leather jacket and bounced excitedly over.

she stood on her tiptoes to put her hands over his eyes and said excitedly, “guess who?”

instead of guessing, noah pulled her hands down and turned around. “you didn’t tell me you were coming. i thought you were busy today,” he said, his voice neutral and his face stoic.

“i wanted to surprise you for your birthday! come on, don’t look too happy to see me,” she teased, nudging him playfully.

noah didn’t even smile. the excitement emma felt up to that point quickly changed to a combination of dread and worry. “what’s wrong, babe?”

“i thought you had better things to do than spend your weekends driving 8 hours roundtrip to spend a day and a half here? you shouldn’t have come,” he said, looking away and chugging down the rest of the beer in his hand.

emma finally noticed how dilated his pupils were and the smell of beer and whiskey radiating off him. noah never got this drunk, especially before they had a chance to talk on the phone to say goodnight. she couldn’t help but wonder if he got drunk because she blew him off today after telling him she wouldn’t be visiting.

“i thought you’d be happy to see me. you know the best parts of my week are when i get to spend time with you. i was hoping to surprise you for birthday and I have the most amazing gift for you!” emma said carefully, trying to keep the mood light.

noah didn’t respond right away, taking out a cigarette and lighting it first. emma frowned; noah knew she hated it when he smoked and he had promised her he wouldn’t make a habit of it and that he wouldn’t smoke in front of her. something was definitely wrong.

she crossed her arms over her chest. “what is going on with you?”

“you want to know what’s going on? here’s what’s going on – you’re wasting your time with me. there is no point in being in a long-distance relationship where we see each other once or twice a month if we’re lucky and we’re both pursuing potential careers that will make it so we see each other even less,” noah spat out angrily, turning away to take a long drag of his cigarette before continuing.

“what kind of loser spends their time in college driving 400 miles roundtrip to spend time with a deadbeat? you should be making friends and having the time of your life, maybe even dating someone who can better provide for you. you deserve so much more. why are you wasting your time with me?” noah turned back toward her, his eyes blazing with anger.

tears started to fill emma’s eyes. she had no idea what triggered noah’s outburst but knew she couldn’t have a rational conversation with him while he was drunk. “i’ve never felt like i was wasting my time with you. every moment we have makes me so happy i feel like i must be dreaming! i don’t know what is really bothering you that you’re lashing out like this, noah, but you’re drunk. let’s go to bed and talk tomorrow when you’re sober.”

“no, emma,” noah took a final drag and threw the cigarette on the floor, putting it out with his foot. “i don’t think we should talk tomorrow. i think you should go back. i’m sorry you wasted your time driving down here.”

emma watched the sparks disappear from the cigarette before responding, her voice barely louder than the noise from the party inside, “you don’t mean that. if i leave, you’re telling me our three-year relationship is over.”

she gave him a longing look, willing him to apologize and take back what he said. he looked back at her and emma saw only a glimpse of the sweet and sensitive noah she fell in love with three years ago. the noah in front of her looked at her with a broken and haunted look in his eyes. a split-second later, his gaze hardened and he shrugged.

emma had made her way out of the apartment as fast as she could and ran to her car. she was still sobbing uncontrollably 20 minutes later but at least her body wasn’t shaking as much. she was wracking her brain, thinking back to the last few months to see if she could figure out where and when things went wrong. they did feel a bit more distant as football, midterms, and applying for internships kept them preoccupied but emma didn’t think it was a problem; they were still able to see each other at least once a month and they talked daily. they had similar fights and conversations during freshman and sophomore year, when insecurities about making a long-distance relationship work and trusting each other were more prominent. but after making it through all that, emma thought they were stronger than ever.

she grabbed tissues from her glovebox and cleaned herself up. she leaned back against the seat, closed her eyes, and tried to take deep breaths to calm herself down. everything he had said felt like a dagger to her heart but what hurt the most was the way he exploded at her. he was always really good about bringing up his insecurities about their long-distance relationship and his concern for the toll it might take on her in a productive way. they agreed they wouldn’t push each other away but talk through any problems calmly like adults. and he did the exact opposite.

it was already late when she arrived at hartfeld and it would be really late by the time she got back to her own dorm. but going back to noah’s apartment was out of the question. she debated whether she should stay in the parking lot a little longer on the off chance that noah would come to his senses and come after her, however small a chance that was. she was rational enough to know that it likely wouldn’t happen given how drunk he was, and the later she stayed, the more tired and emotional she would be during the drive back, and she didn’t want to risk getting into an accident. she took one last look at the lack of new messages on her phone, lingering on the photo of her and noah at the beach as her wallpaper before turning the key in the ignition.

* * * * * noah groaned at the bright sunlight streaming through the window of his room. his head was pounding and his body felt like he had lost a boxing match outdoors in 90-degree heat. he struggled to open his eyes and immediately regretted it when the sunlight nearly blinded him and seemed to amplify his headache. he couldn’t remember the last time he had been this hungover. certainly not since before he and emma became serious. oh god, emma.

he bolted upright in his bed, wincing at the sharp pain in his head and tried to rapidly blink away the dizziness he felt. he chugged the pedialyte and took the ibuprofen that was on his bedside table and forced himself to look around the room for his phone. the battery was dead. just great, he thought, plugging it quickly into the charger. he slowly stood up, trying to keep his nausea at bay, and grabbed his shower caddy. it surprised him how handy it was, especially considering he shared a bathroom with two other people, and couldn’t help but smile as he remembered how cute emma was when she was explaining why it was important for him to have his own caddy while they were picking out things he’d need for the apartment at uskea before school started.

he could feel the ibuprofen working to alleviate some of his headache, but knew he’d need to eat something too. noah stood still under the shower, letting the hot water run over his hair and face and down his body for a few minutes, trying to collect his thoughts and remember the events from last night. bits and pieces kept coming back to him while he got dressed and made himself a sandwich but he still wasn’t sure if what he remembered had actually happened or if he was replaying the “what if” scenarios about why it felt like emma was distancing herself from him. these scenarios had been going through his mind before the party and was the primary driver for how drunk he got.

“look who’s finally up after his crazy birthday rager! happy birthday! how you feelin’ man?” his roommate and football teammate sean came over and gave him a hard slap on the back.

noah flinched and swallowed before answering, “like crap. i’d forgotten what it felt like to be hungover.”

“i’m sure emma’ll take good care of you. is she up yet?” sean asked, turning away to set up the coffee maker.

noah felt his stomach drop. “emma? she told me she couldn’t come this weekend, too much stuff to do,” he replied apprehensively. please let it just have been a dream, he begged inwardly as he held his breath waiting for sean’s reaction.

sean gave him a quizzical look. “she was definitely here last night. i let her into the apartment and told her where you were hanging out on the balcony. she even had a present with her. maybe she stepped out before you woke up?”

that meant the nightmare fight he had with emma wasn’t a dream. shit. he heard her voice in his head say, “if i leave, you’re telling me our three-year relationship is over” and everything came flooding back to him. “no, no, no, crap! i think i fucked up last night. i need to call her.”

noah closed the door to his room behind him and picked up his phone. he saw that he had a single, new text message from emma timestamped at 1pm, two hours before he got up:

[emma: happy birthday]

his thumb hovered over the picture of her smiling face he used as her contact photo in his phone. maybe i’m misremembering, maybe if i explain i was so drunk i don’t even remember what i said she’ll forgive me. he dialed her number and held his breath as he waited for the familiar dialing sound to start, but it didn’t. instead he heard her automated voicemail and hung up. he tried to send a text but it was clear that she had blocked his number. he put his head in his hands and let the tears he felt prickling behind his eyes fall silently. what have i done?

after a few minutes, he wiped his tears and looked around his room. he saw what was probably the present sean mentioned and picked it up off the floor. the box was at least as wide as his laptop and maybe just as heavy, wrapped perfectly in bright pink, sparkly wrapping paper. noah chuckled softly; emma always did like trying to embarrass him. he unwrapped the paper carefully, folding it neatly and tucking it away in his bedside drawer before opening the box to reveal a beautiful leather-bound scrapbook, a card, and an envelope. he picked up the envelope first, since it seemed out of place, carefully cutting through the seal on the envelope and unfolding the letter inside.

[dear emma,

i’m sorry for the delay in writing back to you. thank you for the beautiful scrapbook you sent. i was so overwhelmed and grateful to you for reaching out and ashamed that i wasn’t enough of a man to write to my own son. not a day goes by that i don’t think about him and his siblings and it’s wonderful to see and hear about how well he’s doing. it’s clear that you care very much for him and that he must be someone special to you.

please tell him how proud i am of the man he’s become. despite having a deadbeat father who can’t hold down a job and needs alcohol to numb the pain, noah has really done well for himself. i am so proud of him – seeing those photos of him playing football in high school and college and those of the two of you together made me really happy.

one day i hope to be worthy to be in his life again, but until then, thank you again for bringing joy back into my life and showing me what a wonderful man my son has become. if it isn’t too much trouble, i have also included a photo that i would like you to give to him – it’s one of my favorite memories of him as a kid. i hope he treats you as the treasure you are and keeps you close. it’s special and rare to have that kind of love and support in your life and you both mustn’t take it for granted.

i move frequently due to work so please do not send anything else to this address.]

it was signed with his father’s signature. noah blinked rapidly a few times to make sure he wasn’t seeing things. even though the letter was addressed to emma, noah understood the message was intended for him. he pulled the photo out of the envelope and his eyes widened with recognition. his dad had taken him to a boxing gym and taught him how to wrap his hands and the photo was of them sparring after. given how harsh his dad was when he was a kid, noah was surprised that he would hold on to a photo like this. he opened the card next.

[hiiii babe~

noah traced her familiar handwriting with his finger. emma drew little hearts instead of the dot on top of the letter “i”; it was a habit she kept since high school for when she wrote him letters and notes after he told her once that he thought it was cute.

i can’t believe you’re turning 21! you’re practically an old man 😉 kidding! not a day goes by where i don’t miss your sexy, brooding face and your cute butt. your personality too, I guess ;P. i hope you get everything you wanted today because you deserve all of it and more! you’re the best boyfriend a girl could ask for (and even after 3 years together, i still can’t believe i’m your first choice) and i can’t wait to celebrate with you!

i love you with all my heart <3

your first choice, emma

p.s. there are two parts to your present! the first is a scrapbook with photos of my favorite memories of us and the second is a letter i got from your dad (please don’t be mad). it took me a while to track him down, but i did and sent a similar scrapbook to him too. i wasn’t sure if he would respond to me, but he did and i wanted to share what he said with you.

p.p.s. i love you!]

noah froze and re-read emma’s card. she sent her dad a scrapbook? to say he was stunned was an understatement. he wasn’t sure how to feel about hearing from his dad for the first time in over a decade but he definitely wouldn’t have been mad at emma. in fact, he felt the opposite – overwhelmed with love for the amazing woman whose kind and honest heart continued to surprise him even after three years together.

he opened the scrapbook and found page after page of pictures emma had taken throughout their relationship, with handwritten captions and little sticker notes all over the pages. he felt a lump form in his throat and his eyes sting as he looked at the photos of her smiling face and the selfies they had taken on various dates. how could he have pushed her away like that last night? he quickly repacked the box and put it inside his backpack, which always had a weekends’ worth of essentials. he grabbed his keys, wallet, and phone before heading out to where his motorcycle was parked. he still felt like crap but it didn’t matter, he needed to apologize in person and prove to emma that she was still his first choice. he only hoped she would be able to forgive him.

* * * * * mentions: @khoicesbyk​; @nyastarlight​; @chetachisblog;  @robintora; @shows-simp-card; @brycesgirl;

[calypsoff]

Fifty Four.

I am actually glad I stayed behind, after all the panicking that Robyn was leaving I am happy I stayed. I have been really busy trying to get a team together, I’ve just had the biggest dealing with Brooklyn Projects, and I am so blessed for it, Dom is a good guy, and I couldn’t be happier for what he has blessed me with. He pushed me to get a spot at the Agenda Show and I did it, I got a spot there which will be in a weeks’ time. I have been busy trying to find a supplier and I did it, I have found it and there will be no let down. I need to start releasing new designs which I am working on, these past two weeks has been hectic trying to find the supplier to fulfil Dom’ order, I was worried I wouldn’t and then I realised it’s Robyn’ birthday coming up which is near the Agenda Show but I assumed Robyn would be back but she won’t and her scan, her twelve week scan is coming up but she needs more time in London but luckily I am busy here so it doesn’t bug me but I would like to see her, so because she will be in London for her birthday I may need to jump on a flight to her, I mean what am I saying, of course I will “get that for me!” I shouted from the office; I have taken over this office space now. The buzzer is going off like it’s nothing, whoever that is “got it” TJ said, I am trying to employ a social media team. I can’t be dealing with service side of things, ok we started small, but we will get big, my phone pinged. Looking over at my phone, it’s Robyn so I need to look at it.

From: Robyn

To: Chris

Can we Skype call? I need to show you some things so let me know?

I wonder what it is, am I in trouble or is she going to tell me she will be there for another month. Texting Robyn back.

From: Chris

To: Robyn

Yeah we can in 10

Texting back and locking my phone “you got a package, shit is a little big” TJ said, raising an eyebrow shocked “for me? Open it, let me know” I mean who the hell knows where I live, I am fairly new so who the hell sent me anything, I shouldn’t think like that. I get in my own thoughts and think stupid “anyways” I need to get back to this, why is it I keep getting women to employ. It’s women that really be in my messages saying they can do things for me, and they can, they be having degrees and shit, they are pretty too “ayo, it’s from Dom” TJ made his way over to me with a card in hand, taking the card from him “To Chris, welcome to the Brooklyn Projects team, I can’t wait to see what we can do together. Please accept this gift of a BMX, my good friend spray painted it for you, Dom” I gasped “oh shit, let me see. You seen it” placing the card down as I got up from the chair, this is so exciting for me. This is my first gift; this has been gifted to me and I can’t believe it that people want to do that for me. I grinned wide, unwrapping the BMX with the biggest smile on my face “oh shit, no way it says Breezy on there. Oh my god, this guy knows me” I stepped back “yo, I am so hype” I jumped up and down “yes!” I spat, this is so dope “let me get my phone” walking off to the office, I am so happy about this. I can’t believe people give gifts like this just for free, grabbing the phone from office desk. Walking back out “do I look good?” I asked TJ “yeah you always do bro” he laughed; You can take a picture of me now. Holding my phone out to TJ to take it for me, walking over to the BMX “this shit is so dope, I am so happy” moving it away from the mess “oh actually take it here cause of that picture, Robyn and her love for the wedding pictures” sitting on the BMX, nobody understands how impressed I am of this.

TJ is my photographer, he takes good pictures “where is Barry?” uploading to two pictures, one of me on the BMX and the other just with it on its own “I don’t know, out” adding the caption ‘Thank you so much @brooklynprojects. for the BMX and adding the extra detail too, thank you. I appreciate brother’ pressing send on the post, I am not even going to front but I look good as hell in that picture “your cheekbones are looking crazy in that” TJ spat, he isn’t wrong though my cheekbones are looking good “so tell me where is Barry? Did he even come back in after you both went out” TJ shook his head, hearing the skype call “oh shit, I got a skype call with Robyn” rushing back into the office, closing the door behind me because this is private because you never know. Sitting on the chair pushing myself in and answering the call on my laptop “took your time and your out of breath, where is the bitch?” I chuckled, Robyn is always dramatic “wow, wait a minute” looking at the door for nothing just to annoy Robyn “tell her to leave, Rihanna is on the call” Robyn gasped “Chris, you better be playing” shaking my head laughing “there is nobody here, don’t worry. How is my twin?” biting my bottom lip staring at her, she seems to be in an office “busy, busy poppa. I miss you so much, I am so sorry that I am not coming back in time for my birthday, but you seem to be busy anyways, I am so happy for you Chris. See what I told you? I believed in you, but I rescheduled the twelve week scan appointment” nodding my head “well you know if I wasn’t busy I would be bugging you, but the Agenda Show is around the same time as your birthday so yeah, I guess we going to skype birthday” Robyn poked her lips out “you can make it up to me right?” shaking my head “mhmm nah not really but guess what, I got my first gift! Dom sent me a BMX, I am so excited” Robyn cooed out “I saw poppa, I got the notification” Robyn is such a stalker.

Jay Brown entered the skype call, his bald headed ass just here. I assumed he would be in London but no “hi everyone, I called this meeting” he said, sitting back in the chair “yeah, Robyn didn’t say what was happening so yeah” he chuckled “ok that is fine, so are you both ready. I have the very first copy of your Vogue cover, this is why I bought you both together. I wanted you to both see it together; it came into the office. Special delivery, we couldn’t let this leak out. I opened the magazine, and I am blown away, the interview was so good, it felt so real, and the pictures are amazing” licking my top lip smiling “already? I mean actually they took their time, when is it being released?” I asked “the date for this release is on Robyn’ birthday but we are releasing the cover, this what I wanted to discuss. We need to timely release images that aren’t in the magazine, once Vogue post it I need you both to do the same. We are going to tease the audience; Vogue has mentioned they are releasing the cover but not the inside content until the release. They are printing more then they usually do too but are you both ready” I feel a little excited “I am nervous, maybe it’s the baby I don’t know. Do we look good?” Robyn said “it looks so good, they did a double print picture, and I have to tell you both look so well” it may be the picture the lady chose of us walking the lobby “well here you are, Mr and Mrs Fenty-Brown” Jay Brown bought the cover to the camera, I gasped and that is not like me “oh my god” I said, that is really Vogue magazine and I am there “oh shit that looks amazing, so they used the picture of us walking down the steps, nah. I like that because it shows off her ring too, I look elegant as fuck there with Robyn” that is crazy “I am really proud of you both” Jay Brown said, I am mind blown.

I can’t believe this shit “man” Jay Brown left the skype call “I am mind blown Robyn, how crazy is that. I am on that cover with you!? How is this even real, I am getting gifts too” Robyn is just looking in awe “Chris your life is about to change in a big way, you need to be ready for this. You maybe not ready but you need to be, once this comes out your life will be officially changed. You think your life is different now? This is nothing Chris, I want you to be grateful and enjoy yourself. So when you go to the Agenda Show, you might have some fans. No female picture taking” I chuckled “oh yeah about that, I didn’t really get to mention it because it left my mind but, the girl I was working with and messaging that you disliked is fired thanks to the fact you complained to Mel and she told Barry, the people I am speaking too are women and I am trying to get a team together for my business but I can’t have this thing of you don’t like it because they are females. I wasn’t happy when I found out because it’s wrong, you deal with men, but I don’t complain so yeah. Honestly I feel like I am running this shit on my own now so I need the help so yeah” Robyn doesn’t seem to care “that is nice to know she has gone but ok fine, I do trust you” Robyn will complain about something, she will not like any female near me.

I am so happy, I can’t believe on the front cover of Vogue with my wife, this is wild to me. Walking out of the office with my phone to ear to ring my mom, I mean of course I am ringing my mom, I need to tell her this. At first I was like ok whatever but seeing the cover just there, the shit is real and it’s actually happening “you are finally taking calls now?” my mother said down the phone “I think you see I called you, since when did you call me mom?” she is a liar “well I did a few days ago and you said not now” letting out an oh “I did, sorry but listen to this mom. I am going to be on the front cover of Vogue with Robyn! I saw the cover!” I shouted; I am so fucking hyper “baby what? You mentioned it but I thought you was joking, oh my god. Do you know how much of a big deal this is? Your sister reads those magazines, oh my god. So I can buy this in the store, my baby on the cover of Vogue. Christopher I am so proud of you, I want you to know this. Me and your dad love you so much and are very proud of you, I will buying that magazine. Christopher I also wanted to mention, please come and visit us, we miss you. Your dad seems to be missing you the most so please come home sometime” sitting down on the couch “missing me that much? I will mom, sooner then you think” I need to get the home for them.

My bump is beginning to take shape, it is so amazing to see how pregnancy be changing your body just like that. Right now the bump is small, but it is there, and you can tell what it is if I wear tight clothing, I just love placing my hand over my bump when I lay down but everyday seems to be different to me, my body is always changing. I am ever so careful with myself while being in London, I just really go to my meetings and come back to my hotel room, I wear extremely baggy clothing here too. Only my team know about the baby, I haven’t let anyone else know about it, but I have been so lazy for the past few days, this is what put me back. I was in bed just not wanting to do anything so that alone put me back, when I feel like that I actually give myself time off. I would never do what I did last time, so if I don’t feel like working then I don’t feel like it so I have rest days, so this is what is putting me back with things, but I don’t care, I rather not push myself when my body is telling me no, never doing that again. I come first in this “are you finished on the skype call?” Tina asked, nodding my head stifling out a yawn “I got you some lunch, a footlong for you” thank heavens “good, I am so hungry” waving her over “you just ate like an hour ago” side eyeing Tina “do not judge me bitch, you can tell everyone they can come back in now” she bought me my food so I will be silent for a few minutes.

Mel touched the prototype of the slides “I have a feeling this is going to sell, you know if these sell how I think, are we going to have Fenty fashion” I smiled with my mouth full of food “this bitch is too into her food right now but I see Fenty fashion being a thing, this Puma thing is going to elevate you” swallowing my food “I am so excited but I am going to push for Fenty Beauty first, makeup as always been so important to me so yes, Fenty Beauty first” I think that is the way forward “you about to make a name for yourself, so what was the skype call for with your husband?” Mel asked “oh, Jay Brown revealed to us the front cover of Vogue, oh my god. It looks so amazing oh by the way, Chris got a little moody because Barry had fired the bitch that was getting a little too friendly in his messages, you know that?” Mel shook her head “all I did was say it to Barry, not my problem. I never said fire anyone” I am glad she fired anyways, I didn’t like the bird so there is that but nobody told anyone to fire the girl.

[realchemistry]

Jamie Johnson BAFTA Q&A Full transcript

14:02:35 >> Alex Kay-Jelski: Good evening, everyone and welcome to this special BAFTA event as part of Pride Month. I'm Alex Kay-Jelski. I'm the editor in chief of the athletic and I'm going to be moderating a discussion of Jamie Johnson, Tackling Issues Head On.

14:03:09 I'm sure you have seen the incredible episodes that have been airing recently and before we have a great discussion with your panelists. I have bits of housekeeping. Live captioning is available if needed on this, click the option at the bottom of your Zoom panel. Also, we will be taking questions later, because we want to answer your big queries, but to do that, use the Q&A button at the bottom. We will not see you on the chat function.

14:03:44 I will give you a five minute warning to get the questions in and we will get in as many as we can in the next hour. So here we are, Jamie Johnson, what an incredible, incredible few episodes as we saw Dillon comes to terms or start to terms with his sexuality and being gay and coming out in a time of him being a starring footballer and how difficult that was for hill.

14:04:17 I think in a world where a lot of people feel comfortable going to football grounds, not like anyone is allowed at football grounds right now, unfortunately. With people coming to terms with who they are, trying to speak to their family about it, trying to speak to their friends about it. Really moving, fantastic drama.

14:04:39 We're going to talk to the key people and try to explain why it is so important and what effect it had and will continue to have. So I will stop prattling on because you are probably bored of hearing from me because there are far more interesting people to hear from.

14:04:58 We have Shaun Duggan the lead writer on Jamie Johnson. He has been BAFTA nominated alongside of Jimmy from the accused and he is famous for righting the lesbian kiss in brook side. I'm old enough to remember that.

14:05:33 Next, we have actors Laquarn Lewis and Patrick Ward, so hello to you two. We have Cheryl Taylor. Cheryl is the head of content of BBC Children and she commissioned Jamie Johnson and all of the BBC content, that is hard to say when you say it quickly for television and online.

14:06:03 For now, we have Hugo Scheckter who is the head of Player Care of West Ham United. Later, we have an extra because we're going to be joined by the executive producer Anita Burgess who produces Jamie Johnson for BBC. Lots of people with lots of things to say. We should get started, shouldn't we?

14:06:32 I'm going to talk to Shaun first, because I think you're the best persons to answer this question. Jamie Johnson has always been a huge success, we're in series five now, great ratings, lots of interest, telling really, really important stories that reflect sort of the lives of children and teenagers. Why do you think the show has been so popular and why does it engage this audience so well?

14:07:07 >> Shaun Duggan: I think for what you have said and from the outset, we wanted to tell a show that felt very real and reflect the lives of our young audience and not patronize or condescend them. My background is working on soap operas and other stuff and this was rarely the first big show I worked on in children's drama.

14:07:40 I have to say, I didn't approach it any differently. I approached it in the same way as I would an adult drama. Obviously, there are things you have to be careful of in terms of language, but in terms of thinking of challenge in story, thinking about what reflects the young audience as lives, what is important to them and just in terms and I'm sure we'll talk more later about how the whole Dillon story came about.

14:08:08 If I could say from a personal experience, when I was younger, I could I've with the show because I'm football mad, working-class background, I remember my dad carrying me over the turnstiles and slipping the man some cash and all I wanted to do was play football in the street and that is why I was obsessed with going to every game I could.

14:08:39 Then I got to about 11 and things changed because suddenly all I play football with didn't want to be my friend anymore and people started saying I was gay, queer, in the 80'S, I did not know what these things were. It I just knew I was something bad and something to be ashamed of and things got worse where I was not welcome to play football anymore.

14:09:14 People turned their backs on me and all through senior school, for me personally, I had a hellish experience. I left school without any qualifications and not just talking verbal bullying, I'm talking getting beaten up most days, so school became about survival. I couldn't turn to the teachers. You were not allowed to talk about gay issue, I couldn't go  home and tell my own family.

14:10:04 They were homophobic, not homophobic in a bad way, but we didn't know and I know firsthand how isolating and lonely, you know that is to be a young, gay person. I know things have changed to a degree, but in terms of education these things aren't talked enough within school, so to get this opportunity to tell a story like this in children's drama, I have to say a massive thank you to Cheryl and everyone at CBBC. If they don't support it and go along with it, then it wouldn't happen.

14:10:31 I have to say I found it very emotional seeing these stories going out on screen last week, not only that but everything around it, the support on news, the presenters after they talked to the audience and it is OK to be yourself and it made me proud to be a part of it and how far we have come.

14:10:46 >> Alex Kay-Jelski: Do you think producing a show like this plays a role a little bit, a small role in helping the next generation of kids who are growing up, teenagers who are coming to terms with who they are, they don't have to go through what you have gone through.

14:11:24 >> Shaun Duggan: Absolutely, it is all cliche really, but if people say, if we telling this story, we can help one person not to feel -- let them know they are not on their own it is really worth doing. You mentioned at the intro, I did the lesbian kiss, which is almost 30 years ago now, but to this day, people who are in their 50s or whatever will approach me and when I meet them and you can tell people are in isolated communities with a traditional family.

14:11:34 The impact of seeing that story line on screen and making it feel less alone and that is so powerful.

14:11:54 >> Alex Kay-Jelski: Cheryl, does the BBC have a role to play in that sense in trying to reassure people like this program does and let them know they are not alone? How important is it when you're choosing which programs to put on air does that come into play?

14:12:31 >> Cheryl Taylor: Thanks, Alex. It is really important to us.  Obviously, as a public service board, we are there to inform and to entertain and I think we want the children who are watching our shows to feel good about themselves and feel informed. I think it is key. It sets us apart from other broadcasters and listening to Shaun there, such a powerful story that he has told, not just on Jamie Johnson, but to us here this evening.

14:13:02 I think, I don't know how old Shaun is, but he looks younger than someone who wrote brookside 30 years ago. When I was the age of Patrick and Laquarn, I would not have had any role models and it is fantastic that people are able to write these important stories and we very much want to reflect them.

14:13:31 I have to point out it takes a special kind of writer and special performer to achieve what Jamie Johnson has achieved and the whole production team as well. A lot of people have talked about authenticity at the moment and to hear Shaun talk about the story that has woven into a football series.

14:14:06 Jamie Johnson has been around for a long time and to artfully weave that story, in a sense, I don't think any of the fans or viewers would have felt in a sense they were being preached at or lectured, which I think is amazing. I think Patrick has taken us through Dillon's journey in a way that Shaun has given us the story, a coming of age story, someone finding his identity and that is something all kids will be going through. They will all be looking for signals and for help.

14:14:42 It is hard being a kid and hard growing up, so you know, absolutely, I think the BBC is the platform for this type of story, but fair play to these guys. They told it beautifully. I was seeing the comments on Patrick and Laquarn's Insta and there are people saying this is amazing and this is great to seeing this happen. People have written, what an amazing episode of Jamie Johnson. It is such a valuable series.

14:14:49 I'm grateful to Shaun and all of the team for telling the story so beautifully.

14:15:12 >> Alex Kay-Jelski: Shaun, how do you write for a teenage and child audience? How do you get insides of the heads of teenagers and people of that age and make it relevant to them? As been mentioned in this call already, you are not a teenager anymore.

14:15:44 >> Shaun Duggan: No, but I thank Cheryl for the comments they am older than you might realize. I have lots of nieces, nephew, firstly, we have all been teenagers so I have been there. But I have nieces and nephews and so many of my friends' children love Jamie Johnson. In the past, for example, I tried to incorporate stories being relevant.

14:15:58 We had Dillon being diabetic in an earlier series because my friend's daughter was diagnosed with type I diabetes and that is where the idea came from, so you draw from all of those experiences.

14:16:10 >> Alex Kay-Jelski: Patrick, do you remember the day they came to you with the idea of this story line and how did that feel? It is quite a responsibility, I guess.

14:16:41 >> Patrick Ward: Sure, I do remember the day, actually, before every series, I would meet with Shaun and Anita and talk about the next year and this idea was brought forward. To be honest, while a lot of people may see it as being a surprise, when you look back over Dillon's journey, it made a lot of sense and as playing Dillon, it felt organic and needed in society as well.

14:16:56 Yeah, definitely, I think that is really important as well, I have younger brothers and sisters who fancy the star and to see their response and other people, it has been brilliant.

14:17:20 >> Alex Kay-Jelski: How many barriers do you think there are to breakdown? For example, hopefully, this makes a lot of people feel more comfortable and better about themselves, but realistically, when you went and told your friends about this twist in Dillon's character, were you nervous about the response that you would get? Has that been positive?

14:17:42 >> Patrick Ward: I suppose you are nervous, for me especially with negative feedback, it is more kind of, like what Shaun was talk about earlier, it shows that it is perform that we're doing this story line. When you see negative feedback, which is not a lot of it to be fair, most of it is positive, but I think it is important.

14:18:03 People around me responded very well and my family was very supportive and is very forward thinking. I was proud to be doing it and I didn't care what other people had to say about it negative thinking, because I'm honored to be a part of it.

14:18:13 >> Alex Kay-Jelski: Laquarn, how did you feel that? Do you think Jamie Johnson has a unique way of telling a story like this?

14:18:45 >> Laquarn Lewis: Yeah, I think it is unique in terms of the way he told the story, because any story can educate people on coming out and finding your own sexuality, but Jamie Johnson has done this through an industry which seems to be gay in football, especially and they tackled this on one of their main characters and followed the journey of his homophobic past with himself, his younger brother and dad.

14:19:16 He was only sharing the homophobic because that is what he was used to around his family and maybe his football team, you know, so the fact he had to hold it in for so long and hide who he is because of his passion for football. Jamie Johnson told an amazing story and did an amazing job of getting it across and you can be who you want to be no matter what your dreams are.

14:19:49 >> Alex Kay-Jelski: I think it is great that he was not playing into people's stereotypes as well. Some people like to think what they know what a gay person looks like, talks like, walks like, right, Dillon did not fit the stereotypes. Hugo, I don't know if you had the same thing, but when I came out, a lot of people were like, oh, we didn't see that coming necessarily, which is fine but you wish they had known it was coming because it was less of a surprise.

14:20:06 I think the fact that Dillon was not what some people would expect is a great thing for the audience because it makes them think about their own assumptions and prejudices, if you don't mind.

14:20:31 >> Shaun Duggan: I hope you don't mind me jumping, in but it made the story more interesting. The audience had these expectations of Dillon that someone like him wouldn't be gay, so therefore, that makes it more challenging.

14:20:48 >> Alex Kay-Jelski: Yeah, absolutely. Did you, Patrick, Laquarn get involved in the story line or were you good boys and did what you were told?

14:21:07 >> Patrick Ward: Well, we rehearsed beforehand, actually in this house, in the next room. Laquarn came with someone we have known for a long time and rehearsed this kind of thing. I think it is very important as well.

14:21:42 >> Laquarn Lewis: He made us do games where we had to get to know each other really well before we shoot the scenes, so the story that we were telling was truthful. We had to do this one task and we had to look at each other and we couldn't smile and we had to keep pushing each other. He did so many games to get us on to a level where our relationship outside of acting could really like grow for our onset acting and I think that helped a lot.

14:22:10 >> Patrick Ward: I was going to say it is interesting because if you look at Dillon when he meets Elliot, it is like when he first sees him. It is like there is something that goes on insides of his brain. He doesn't understand what it is, but there is something and it is new and it happens very quickly, so I think it is important that me and Laquarn were able to understand each other as people and actors beforehand, definitely.

14:22:28 >> Alex Kay-Jelski: Absolutely. We touched on this is a little, Cheryl, but outside of this show, generally, do you feel the BBC has a responsibility to put forward stories that represent underrepresented parts of audiences?

14:23:08 >> Cheryl Taylor: Yes, I was just thinking there when Shaun was talking about Patrick having diabetes just using Jamie Johnson as an example and this is one example of one of many, many dramas that we do. The different storylines that people judge as mainly football drama. We covered Jamie's family and kids looking after sick parents, so young carers, we had the homophobia, we had bullying. Just in that one series, you have a set of writers and producers and commissioners

14:23:50 Who intend to broaden the scope to be as inclusive and relevant as many kids as possible. Someone was talking about we know a lot of girls watch Jamie Johnson as well, so across the piece, it is important that all of our brands have a broad appeal. I think, I know I sound like I'm heaping praise on these wonderful creators but because I think they deserve it in this one drama. Secret life of boys, all of these shows on the surface, you can say this is a comedy, this is a drama.

14:24:19 Under beneath of that, every episode addresses these issues and reflects many of the audience's lives as many as possible and giving them tools and strategies to manage their own lives. I do think suggest a scale and a specialty skill and I don't think anyone watching the show would argue that they have done it incredibly well. It is very important.

14:24:44 >> Alex Kay-Jelski: That is it, isn't it? We can talk about sport and football and LBGTQ relationships in a minute, but Jamie Johnson, this story line is a show about football largely, but the story line is not about football. You can be any young more than or older person who doesn't have the courage to come out or the opportunity to come out and see that.

14:24:59 Hopefully, be confident and inspired by it. This is not about football, right, either of you, this is show to reach out to a much, much wider audience.

14:25:27 >> Cheryl Taylor: As I say it is about identities, rites of passage, coming of age and the journey that Dillon goes on, especially the extraordinary scene with his dad, for any kid, you know who is thinking about a difficult conversation that they might want to have, that would have been key. That would have been crucial and the fact that he goes to speak to Jamie. He reaches out to his friends and gets advice.

14:25:51 That is where the beauty of having Elliot there who has gone through this before, who has to some degree come to terms with his identity and that gives lots of information, lots of hope, useful take out for kids who are watching and feeling uncertainty about their own identity.

14:26:23 >> Shaun Duggan: I think that is, if you don't mind me jumping in again, really important because we established in the story that Dillon's family is homophobic. We ran a story where his little brother was kicked out of the club about making homophobic comments about Ruby's foster parents. We have time to establish that, but it felt important when we brought in Elliot's character that he was coming in from a different place.

14:26:37 He was comfortable in who he was. He says on screen that he had been brought up with gay people, so they had different experiences, but learned from each other's experiences.

14:27:03 >> Alex Kay-Jelski: Also for parents, too, right? This is not an easy conversation and not always an expected conversation for parents as well. I think is very hard to know sometimes how to react and how not to react and everyone wants to say they want to be understanding with their children, but some parents may get shocked and surprised and don't react in the most helpful ways.

14:27:13 With that scene in particular with Dillon and his dad is a good thing to pin up on the wall, and go, whatever you do, don't do that.

14:27:39 >> Shaun Duggan: Again, in terms of that is such a powerful scene, very difficult to watch and all of the actors played it so brilliant, but there is quite a pit of the series to go, so although Dillon's dad reacted veried badly, he will have his own journey to go on through the rest of the series.

14:28:18 >> Alex Kay-Jelski: Hugo, you sat there patiently and calmly and nodding in the right places, so now you get to talk. Hugo works in west ham. He is in the dressing room with players. He is helping them out. He used to work at Southampton, so he works at various football clubs. He understands football. He is a gay man in football. What did you think watching this and do you think football is a different place than other parts of society?

14:28:56 >> Hugo Scheckter: First of all, it struck me how powerful it was and it was jarring from a kids' TV show. I'm not someone who watched Jamie Johnson on a regular basis before, I don't know if I'm supposed to say that. This was my first expectation of the show, watching cartoons with my nephew. Did not know what to expect, but I thought, wow, this is hard hitting and I was jarred by the whole Dillon and his father's scene.

14:29:24 I think it was absolutely fantastic to highlight that. In terms of football, I think it's a different environment in a lot of ways, but negative and positive. I think a lot of people see football as this horrible, you know, macho, alpha-male environment. The changing room is one of the most diverse groups of people you can meet.

14:30:08 We've got on the team, for example, a guy from the republic of Congress go who is friends with a Scottish guy and a Hawaiian guy and you probably don't see that in society on a general basis. I think seeing the role molls come -- models coming out, but you're seeing it in the lockdown, but allies and I think people have spoken openly and eloquently about the importance of the rainbow campaign or openly gay players or role models.

14:30:42 For me, I was in the closet and I came out about two or three years into Southampton. My job is to look after players and the families and I was trying to get the players to trust me without sharing all of myself. Once I did, the relationship was so much closer and even today at lunch, I had a player ask me about my coming out and how I realized and he talked about how he would react if his kids came out.

14:31:14 That is a conversation that you would not expect to be in a changing room or a club and the amount of discussions we had about LBGTQ issues or trans issues, I'm not shaggymane expert, but I'm a resource and I think it is hugely encouraging and it means they are inquisitive people. I think they get a bad rap and I'm 100% sure who came out would be fully accepted in the change room.

14:31:44 Players want you to be a good person and a good player and if you can 10 us stay in the league or other teams' cases, higher up in the league, that is all that matters. It does not matter who you are or what you do in your free time, what religion you are or sexual orientation, it does not matter as long as you're a good person or a good player. I think football gets a worse rap than it deserves at times.

14:32:22 >> Alex Kay-Jelski: I would counter it to be the awkward person to say going to football is the only place I would not hold my husband's hand in public. It is one thing to know what it is like in the dressing room and that is fascinating, it is another thing to walk into a football stadium and the atmosphere and the words that you hear there, whether it is racist stuff, homophobic stuff, football as a sport has a long, long way to go percent. Sports has a long way to go. There are not out

14:32:59 Is not a great place. You say it was Dillon's line in the episode, there is no out -- no out footballer in this country, how can I sort of come out and be successful and that is the crux of that is a big part of the episode, isn't it? It is a really complex question because the worst thing that can happen people endlessly talking about it and the witchhunt of we need gay footballs. Who is the gay footballer?

14:33:14 I think the narrative needs to be a welcoming environment so people feel comfortable and that may take another generation's time.

14:33:53 >> Hugo Scheckter: There are gay women footballers in the west ham. You know what, yeah, I can talk to my experience in the changing room. To be honest, I go to every game we play and I don't hear the negativity. I think there is a lot of discussion in football about this banter and from an outsider's point of view, especially in the change room, it can be seen as negative. The way I felt was the players did not joke about anything, whether it was my sexuality or whatever else,

14:34:20 My hair, my weight, or whatever it is, that means they accept me. If it is like, don't talk about gay stuff that is like they don't accept me. I had players saying can I make a gay joke to you and I say as long as you make it to my face and prepare for me to come back at you and I think that is a little bit of a difference in football environment where other industries it would not be acceptable.

14:34:46 At the end of the day, we are focused of doing one thing, which is winning matches and we have a match tomorrow. We're all focused on that we're not worried about what everyone is doing around that. We're worried about everything is doing everything they can to beat Chelsea or get a point at this point, but it is important that we work together for that one goal.

14:35:06 >> Alex Kay-Jelski: Just a quick, not warning as such, advisory, that we will probably start the questions in a few minutes. I can see there are few in there. If you want to ask these lovely, almost interesting people questions, make sure you get them so we can make you as happy as possible.

14:35:18 What is acting like in comparison, Laquarn, Patrick, do you feel that is a welcoming environment for people to be themselves?

14:35:54 >> Laquarn Lewis: Well, I feel like it. Yeah, there is, but there is a lot of discrimination in the acting industry, it is not just football. I feel like, especially with type casting that is very hard in the industry, because if you act or look a certain way then it is most likely you're going to get put for this same character over and over again. It is good to just play something different to yourself and get that opportunity.

14:36:07 It is getting better in the industry, but like I said, I'm happy to play whatever, especially this role right here, because I'm helping so many people, so I'm -- thank you, yeah.

14:36:13 >> Alex Kay-Jelski: Have you had people get in touch with you to say it has helped?

14:36:17 >> Laquarn Lewis: You can do this one, Patrick.

14:36:49 >> Patrick Ward: Yeah, yeah, definitely, it has been mostly positive and that is the benefit thing for me is seeing people with a message saying this has helped me come to terms with this or this helped me speak about this and that is all we're trying to achieve and just I'm proud watching the episode because everyone did such a good job. It has been fantastic and see how people have responded in a good way.

14:36:57 There has been some negativity, but a lot of people have taken it positive.

14:37:18 >> Alex Kay-Jelski: One person who is in a great position to explain a little bit more about the reception that this story line has got is Anita. So Anita Burgess, for those who were not here at the beginning of the conversation, Anita. Hello, Anita. Good evening. Nice to see you.

14:37:21 >> Anita Burgess: Hello. Nice to see you, too.

14:37:35 >> Alex Kay-Jelski: Anita is the executive producer of the show. You must be absolutely fantastic the repping you have had, I would love to hear from your perspective.

14:38:11 >> Anita Burgess: It has been amazing actually. I'm known as someone who cries a lot and the reception has made me cry a lot even for me. It has been overwhelming. I think as Patrick was saying largely positive. I mean almost entirely positive, the 1% have their other views and that is there and that has to be acknowledged, but I found, I think as what was said, the most moving ones are the positive ones.

14:38:39 People feel for the first time there is something on screen that they recognize themselves in and it helps them and the complements about how the story has been handled and us not talking down to people, that sense of what we're trying to do is empower and educate and get the word out there to help people who are already in this position.

14:38:53 >> Alex Kay-Jelski: How would you not talk down to people? What are things that you can do so it does not come across as patronizing? What are things in your head as a producer to say don't do this?

14:39:30 >> Anita Burgess: We are mindful of the audience and the age they are, so you explain things and make it clear to not -- what you're trying to do is use language that they would understand, but not treat them kind of too young. I think the simplicity of the story comes from truth. It comes from Shaun's experiences.

14:39:44 Making sure the research is as thorough as possible, so we are representing the truth as much as we can, I think it is about that, so don't talk down is just be honest and clear as best we can.

14:40:10 >> Alex Kay-Jelski: That is brilliant. I think it is time we put you to the sharks and answer some questions, really. There are quite a few of them. I'm going to try to do something if I press a button, they might come up on the screen. I'm going to apologize in advance if I get that wrong and someone will tell me if I'm doing this wrong.

14:40:42 So Dillon's storyline has been gripping, someone says. Beautifully written and amazingly active. Lots of compliments. This is best directed to you, Cheryl, of CBC producing a series with younger audiences where being LBGTQ plus being the center of the show? Can you, not target, but get this message to a younger audience?

14:41:13 >> Cheryl Taylor: Thank you for the question. As I was saying earlier, obviously CBC is the preschool channel and we have 6-12, to some degree we're limited to the type of lens we can put on sexuality, obviously, and as I mentioned earlier, a lot around your identity is something that we can explore. It has to be done in a certain way, because we have quite a wide age group.

14:41:47 I think the way this story is played out from 9-12 and above has been perfect, so depending on how someone wrote a story and type of character that they highlighted, I think anything is possible. Our central messages are about tolerance and inclusion and that people should feel OK about being themselves and I think you can get those messages across in many, many different ways, as to say for preschool age.

14:41:54 It would depend on the type of character and how they were portrayed, but essentially, yes, absolutely.

14:41:59 >> Alex Kay-Jelski: Since you're talking, you can answer the next question.

14:42:00 >> Cheryl Taylor: Go.

14:42:22 >> Alex Kay-Jelski: Shaun might have an opinion as well. How long did it take to develop the idea and were you nervous about it? The person here, he says he produced when Andrew Hayden Smith came out and people were nervous that people like parents would complain. Were you aware of that or, no, we're doing the right thing?

14:42:51 >> Cheryl Taylor: I wasn't nervous, actually, that is partly to do with the team. Again as I mentioned this there are a lot of tricky storylines in Jamie Johnson and our other dramas. Anita, Shaun, everyone is very, very experienced and I knew they would handle it really well and similarly, the commissioning editor, Amy and her team would have explained the storylines with Anita.

14:43:25 That is one part of it and going back to Patrick, Patrick is such a key, key character in Jamie Johnson and he has taken on so many different things, so right from the beginning. I remember Anita telling me Patrick embraced the idea because he felt it was so important. Genuinely, we knew the team, there might have been a few more question marks, but with this team we did not have any anxiety.

14:44:06 Anita and Amy in presentation and talked to the press and introducing it and Patrick introduced it and pushing to news rounds and also on social media kind of making sure there were links there to child life or the other kids that might be watching who were worried and going through new experiences. Across the piece, everyone was so empathetic that it might be a troublesome story line, and they did brilliant work to make sure it was embedded in the right way.

14:44:23 >> Alex Kay-Jelski: Brilliant. Shaun, this one is for you. This person is called anonymous attendee, who I don't think is their real name, how important is it for LBGTQ stories to have a happy ending?

14:44:46 >> Shaun Duggan: Incredibly important, as far as I'm concerned. In the past, we have seen so many examples, you know, where there is a tragic ending and to be honest because that is reflected reality, because it has been in the past incredibly hard to be gay in this country. It was only in the 1960's, it was legal to be gay.

14:45:11 In the 80'S, we had the AIDS epidemic and you couldn't discuss being gay in school, so it is only in the past 20 or so years, we have been on this incredible journey and we are in a position now where we can tell these positive stories that reflect real people's lives.

14:45:31 >> Alex Kay-Jelski: I think when you grow up a gay teenager there is a lot of feeling that you won't have all of the things that people laid out for other people. I grew up thinking I'm not going to get married and not have kids and I'm going to be unhappy. Having hope.

14:46:11 >> Shaun Duggan: For me being able to tell it, I talked about being bullied at school. I was 21 before I came out. That ad less scents that most people have, I didn't have. It was stolen from me. It gives me so much hope that young people have the confidence to talk sexuality and build on those.

14:46:45 >> Alex Kay-Jelski: I'm being asked by Christopher, how have your peers responded to you playing this role? Obviously, Laquarn, you mentioned discrimination in industry. Have actors been supportive in what you have done? Lincoln people around me like my friends and family and people who watch have really supported me and and there is nothing far from like myself. Elliot is just like myself.

14:47:19 >> Laquarn Lewis: I -- so my friends have always been supportive, but I chose to wait until I left secondary school to tell them what my sexuality was, because I knew in secondary schools, if you are different in any way shape or form whether that is sexuality, disability, you will be brutalized and it is a horrible thing. I already knew I was going to wait until then. I was worried about my friends and what they would think as well.

14:47:46 When I told them, I have never seen such amazing support of people and doing this right now in the show, they have picked me up so much. They said the bravery it takes to be able to be open about your sexuality and then do this and silt just amazing and I thank everyone around me really.

14:47:51 >> Alex Kay-Jelski: Patrick, anything to add or is that an impossible act to follow?

14:48:22 >> Patrick Ward: That is summed up perfectly. A different thing for me, this story line, but everybody around me has been very supportive. There are people I know, to be fair, from school or who you see out who haven't -- made comments, but as a reality, for me, you have conversations about this and able to express and I think it has been already.

14:48:43 >> Alex Kay-Jelski: Someone sells asking, when you're doing a story line like this, are you given any help or claiming in terms or warnings about how to deal with the response afterwards on social media? It is hard to know what things are going to be like, right?

14:49:12 >> Laquarn Lewis: Yeah, we have had Zoom sessions with Anita and Shaun and BBC, everyone involved in making Jamie Johnson and particularly, this storyline, they have given us guidelines and a draft response to people who are giving us hate and BBC says we don't respond to this. We have been helped really well.

14:49:50 >> Patrick Ward: I think that is spot on that it has been interesting that I have been doing this for quite a while and I remember being 12 and in a room and talking about social media before I had ever been on TV and people saying, this is -- you're going to have this kind of response and this kind of thing and I remember being mind blown. It now a part of reality on how to respond with these things. I have a strict code of conduct with my social media and mostly what we have had ha fantast

14:50:26 >> Alex Kay-Jelski: There is one question that has been asked more than anything else, so we're going to save it to the end. We're going to go to a tough one and Shaun and Anita, you are probably best place to ask this. Someone said a line that jumped out to me, I think this is in the scene with Dillon and his dad, you are gay or you're not. Should we be telling people that identities aren't binary?

14:50:52 >> Shaun Duggan: I think with that line, you're writing truthfully from Dillon's dad's perspective. He hasn't got this great understand on of the subject and it is the kind of thing that he might say and not everyone is 100% gay. A lot of people are, a lot of people aren't, a lot of people in the middle.

14:51:32 Dillon is actually trying to tell his dad the truth and his dad is making it as difficult as possible for him, so I think I would rather focus on the positive message and the scenes that we have between Dillon and Elliot, where there was so much positive materials spoken about rather than focusing on Dillon's dad, who at this stage is homophobic and ignorant and a bigot, really.

14:52:05 >> Alex Kay-Jelski: This question is from a teacher and she says if she teaches things about homophobia or transgender issues, she gets parents saying she is trying to make them that way and we hear this quite a lot, right? If you tell people about transgender people, you're going to make them transgender. She is asking, have you had any of that or generally people been a lot lovier?

14:52:38 >> Shaun Duggan: If I could just say from my perspective on that, again, talking about what I was saying earlier, from being born to 12-13, I did not see any gay representation on TV I did not know what gay people were. I still became gay. If you go on that lodge you can, I should be an heterosexual, because I should have been inspired by boys and girls, but I wasn't. I still became gay.

14:52:54 You have to be careful when you have the debates, don't you of just having an open mind. At the end of the day, you know instinctively what you are from an a young age.

14:53:23 >> Alex Kay-Jelski: Begs the question, if I watch enough "Game of Thrones" will by a weird person and run around with a spear in my hand?  Not sure how that works. This question is for Cheryl from Miriam. She says in children's media, it can be hard to get certain things to air. With this story line, you had to tweak it or limit it in order for it to get to that stage or were you allowed to be fairly free with it?

14:53:57 >> Cheryl Taylor: Thanks for your question, Miriam. I think that goes back to the one we answered earlier, which was, I think the teams, s Anita and Amy and Shaun were looking at getting the story across in an age appropriate way. We is 6-12, so we need to make sure it is age appropriate.

14:54:38 Generally, there are some things I get exercised about, along with Katherine McAllister and I think pat and Laquarn was mentioning and we talked to her if we worried about a story line. Because this one, series five, coming from Shaun's personal experience and a specialty team, I didn't have any concerns about that.

14:55:12 >> Anita Burgess: Can I jump in as well, because I think it is important that people can understand how the producer coming to the BBC with this story, it wasn't something that we thought oh, we're not going to be able to do that. We knew the team would be very willing to talk to us and they did and we had a very in-depth discussion all the way along the line, they were incrediblably supportive of making sure this is age appropriate and the clarity was there, but the truth was there.

14:55:31 I think all credit it to the BBC if there is a perception that there is something you can't do there, that is not the case. There is always a conversation to be had there and they have been enormously supported right from the start.

14:55:50 >> Alex Kay-Jelski: Hugo, young footballers coming through as teenagers, do they get a good education in being open minded? I can't remember how much they are in school and how much they are not at school. How do young sports people get taught how to be open minder?

14:56:17 >> Hugo Scheckter: I don't think we teach them to be open minded, I think we teach them a variety of life skills that leads them to being open minds, which was the idea. They are meeting people that they would not have met through their normal lives and I think that is a positive experience, but we also make sure everything we are doing that is appropriate and talk about the social media guidelines that the actors go through.

14:56:43 We go through the same thing, not only in the things they put out, but what they receive and we have had a number of issues with various comments getting to our players and having to deal with that. I think you can't maybe teach -- you can teach open mindness, but that is not our goal. Our goal is to make well-rounded people who are also excellent footballers.

14:57:06 We haven't seen issues in the any of the clubs I worked with where players are not accepting each other or having problems with each other it. Tends to be they competed on a position, where two goalkeepers competing for one position, but not the personality of the major clashes that happens at younger ages.

14:57:25 >> Alex Kay-Jelski: I reckon apart from the one person who is asking if they can play football with Patrick, we have time for two more questions. Laquarn, Patrick, what have you learned from filming these scenes?

14:57:49 >> Patrick Ward: I think a lot. These are the scenes I was looking forward to the most. When you get the scripts, especially the ones, obviously we rehearsed a lot, but I learned a lot as an actor and I am not able to prescription it very well because it is an organic process and try to embed yourself into it.

14:58:01 I like to think of it being modern and I think you learn a lot from this kind of thing, especially as a new actor.

14:58:04 >> Alex Kay-Jelski: Laquarn, over to you.

14:58:40 >> Laquarn Lewis: I think it is -- it shows a way of how somebody can cope with coming out and how they deal with telling people and stuff and what I have learned from filming this and getting out there to people is, it doesn't have to be someone on the screen. You can be the person in real life to support your friend. All it takes you to ask them if they are OK and they might all of a sudden tell you that or anything.

14:58:55 If you just support people around you then you know it is something to help them that little bit more to be themselves.

14:59:11 >> Alex Kay-Jelski: So the last question of the night, the question that everyone is asking in this Q&A and we have to ask wow getting in trouble, is Elliot coming back? Who is answering that question?

14:59:28 >> Anita Burgess: I guess that is me, isn't it? We're hopeful. Things are in the process at the moment. Things aren't completely finished yet, but we're hopeful to find a way of continuing it somehow.

14:59:33 >> Alex Kay-Jelski: Laquarn, you're in luck. It is a night to celebrate.

14:59:35 >> Anita Burgess: He might not want to.

14:59:37 >> Laquarn Lewis: I would. I would.

15:00:14 >> Alex Kay-Jelski: There you go. It is a job acceptance live on air. Thank you so much all of you for your time, your questions, your excellent answers. I have enjoyed it and I hope you have as well. There are a lot of people struggling out there, as well, if you know them, I recommend the charities, it takes so much work to help people in relation to storylines like this, absolutely massive.

[flowerpowell]

Unexpected (Drake x MC)

PART FIVE

A/N: Another chapter within two/three days? Who is she? I reallyyy hope I can update this series frequently but life’s kinda busy so we’ll see how I’ll do. I hope you’ll enjoy it! Feedback is always very appreciated! Characters belong to Pixelberry.

Rating: PG

Word count: 1811

Tagging: @gardeningourmet​ @delightfullypinkglitter​ @hopefulmoonobject​ @akrenich​ @blackcatkita​ @cora-nova @client-327​ @desiree---1986​ @jlpplays1​ @dcbbw​ @kingliam2019​ @the-soot-sprite​ @mskaneko​ @thequeenofcronuts​ @dr-ethanjramsey​ @missameliep​ @maxattack-powell​ @badchoicesposts​ @mymandrake​ @butindeed​ @burnsoslow​ @annekebbphotography​ @alesana45​ @addictedtodrakefanfic​ @walkerduchess​ @ao719​ @texaskitten30​ @lodberg​ @cordonianroyalty​ @emichelle​ @siriusxxvideos​ @i-bloody-love-drake-walker​ @samihatuli​ @choices-lurker​ @i-miss-trr​ @of-course-went-to-hartfeld @nikkis1983​ @innerpostmentality​ @msjr0119​ @bascmve01​ @mind-reader1​ @edgiestwinter​ @drakesensworld​ @queenjilian​ @princessleac1​ @saivilo​ ♥

“Ummm,” Riley hesitated, “could you repeat the name of that drink again because I don’t think I heard it right?”

“I didn’t ask for a drink, I asked you to marry me,” Drake repeated slightly embarrassed he had to ask her again.

“Right. Okay, bye,” she turned and started walking away. Drake grabbed her arm and lead her to a table in the back of the bar.

“Didn’t you hear what I just said?”

“I did and I decided to ignore it. It’s clearly a joke,” she shrugged.

Oh boy, this is embarrassing. I hate Liam.

“It’s not, listen--”

“Drake, listen,” she took his hand and he frowned. “I hate to break it to you, but I kinda hate you. I don’t know if you’re saying this because of a stupid bet you made or because you are drunk but I will never marry you, okay?”

Drake took his hand from her and rolled his eyes.

“Jeez, I’m not asking you to marry me for real! I don’t even like you. I am forced to do it.”

“You’re forced to marry me? Are you drunk? Because if you are, I am not serving you any whiskey tonight.”

“I am not!” he sighed. “Let me explain, ‘kay?”

“Yeah?”

“My sister and her husband went missing some time ago and they’re cosidered to be dead.”

“I’ve heard about that and I’m really sorry. I met them once and they seemed to be great people,” Riley smiled at him reassuringly, still confused what his point was.

“Now Bartie, their son, needs someone to take care of him. I had a deal with Bartie’s grandfather that we would take care of him in turns but he just filed for a full custody. He is an awful man and I can’t let him take Bartie, especially that his new wife is a witch. So I need to win the custody case somehow,” he finished and looked at Riley. She seemed unimpressed.

“Umm, okay. Good luck! Go for it? I still don’t understand why you asked me to marry you?”

“Because it’s gonna be nearly impossible to win the case when I’m unmarried.”

“Ohh, I get it now. Ugh, that sucks,” Riley nodded and patted him on the back.

“So... what do you say?”

“Well, I am very sorry for you, like, very sorry, but no way. I’m not marrying a guy I hate, no offence. I wish you all the best but I’m not doing that.”

“This is going to be a fake marriage! Liam, the King, will annul it a few weeks later, I promise! It’s just so I can take Bartie. This is what my sister would want. Trust me, it’s far from an ideal situation for me too.”

“Listen, I’m sorry but no. Find someone else who can pretend to be your wife but that’s not gonna be me.” Riley stood up, ready to end the conversation when Drake spoke again.

“Why are you here?”

She turned to him, confused. “Hmm?”

“Why are you here, in Cordonia? I saw your CV, you’re from the U.S., you have a college degree, you  had a job, what are you doing here, working in a bar in a small European country?”

“I don’t see how’s that any of your business?” Riley answered calmly but Drake could see she tensed.

“It is, it’s my bar after all,” he raised an eyebrow and she sat back down.

“Change of plans,” she shrugged, “there’s no story. It’s just a dream I had and I decided to go for it.”

“Dream? To work in a Cordonian bar?”

“Well, no, I mean, kinda...”

“Well?” He asked and she sighed.

“I always wanted to have my own place. Restaurant, cafeteria, bar, whatever. My grandma was a great cook and she left me all her handwritten receipe books. I always dreamed of opening my place and serve everything she taught me. America is full of places like this so I wanted to try Europe and... that’s kind of how I found an American bar in Cordonia. It also helps that I’m far away from my overprotective parents,” she laughed but it didn’t reach her eyes.

“So you came here to take over my bar?”

“No! No!” her eyes widened, “I just wanted to gain more experience. Find out more about Cordonian cuisine. Find places without many restaurants,” she explained as Drake remained silent. He was thinking about something and Riley was chewing her lower lip wondering if she said something that would make Drake fire her. Finally, after a minute or two, he finally spoke.

“Okay.”

“Okay?” She was confused. Was he firing her or...?

“Okay. I’ll give you the bar, it’s gonna belong to you and you can do whatever you want with it if you agree to fake-marry me.”

Riley’s eyes widened in shock. “What?”

“You heard me. This bar for a few months of pretending we’re married.”

“You’re crazy,” she murmured. At that moment, all her dreams seemed more real than ever. She almost heard her grandma’s voice to take the chance. But was it worth it if she had to pretend to be in love with a man she hated so much? He was good looking, yes, but too annoying. Would she have to kiss him on their fake wedding ceremony? Ugh, she hoped no. Would they--

“You’re drooling,” Drake interrupted her thinking.

“I am not!” She said but instinctively wiped her mouth.

“So... what’s the verdict?”

She looked around the bar, a place that could be hers in just one word, all of her dreams coming true (after she would survive her nightmare) and she thought that maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. She could always make his life so miserable that he would divorce her sooner. And if that wouldn’t work, she could always kill him, right?

“Well, Mr Walker, you got yourself a deal.”

~~~~

The wedding was scheduled for a week after their conversation. Drake said he would handle everything and they hadn’t seen each other since that day. The only people who knew that the marriage was going to be fake was Drake, Riley and Liam.

Maxwell got nearly a heart attack when he was informed about Drake’s wedding but he was happy for his friend. Olivia didn’t believe Drake was actually getting married and she tried to start a bet that Drake was only joking. Madeleine and Barthelemy were clearly not happy about it but they congratulated him and promised to come to the wedding. Drake noticed how Madeleine whispered something to Kiara, angrily gesticulating, and he was proud that he ruined her plan, whatever it was.

“It’s a bit strange, I’ve never seen you with her. In fact, it’s strange she’s not here with you today,” Madeleine smiled at him when she approached him with Kiara beside her.

“She’s not interested in being around Nobles. Besides, she’s getting ready for the wedding.”

“And, as I presume, moving, right?” she asked sweetly and Drake almost spit out his drink. He had completely forgotten they would have to live together.

“Yes, we’ll be living in my cabin. She loved it there ever since she first visited me, the day we met,” he answered not even having to lie too much.

“Hmpf,” was all Madeleine said before abruptly walking away, Kiara sending one last glare towards Drake.

He quickly pulled out his phone and messaged Riley, “I hope you’re all packed to move into my cabin. Don’t worry, the guest room is ready”

The answer came a few seconds later:

“I’m not moving to your dumpster. I’ll stay in the bar.”

Drake rolled his eyes as he typed, “Everything is clean and neatly organized just for you. Besides, that’s a part of our deal.”

He smiled at the reply that came five seconds later. “I hate you.”

~~~~

“Ugh,” Riley groaned, throwing her phone on the table. She forgot she’d have to actually live with Drake under one roof.

“Whoaa, someone’s in a bad mood! What happened?” the bartender asked but she just shook her head.

“Nothing. I need to pack my stuff, I’ll be moving out of our apartement tomorrow.”

“What? Why? Are you going back to America?”

“Worse,” she sighed, “I’m getting married.”

“Now, whaaat?!” her friend asked and she realized she never really told him anything.

“Yeah, to Drake. I’m sorry I forgot to mention it to--”

“Now HOLD UP. The last time we talked about him you hated him. I knew you were lying! I knew you liked him! I saw it in your eyes, I knew it!”

“Umm, yeah. I was totally lying,” I was totally not lying. I hate Drake even more now.

“Good catch, R! I’m sure your wedding day will be beautiful and your wedding night even better,” he winked at her and she felt sick.

“Please stop, I’m going to throw up.”

“No way!!!”

“What?” She was confused now.

“Now I get it! The wedding so soon, you feeling sick... You’re pregnant, oh my gosh!!!”

“No, please, no!!! I am not, listen--” her eyes widened in horror as her friend hugged her.

“It’s okay, I won’t tell anyone! I’m so happy for you, girl! I’ll help you with moving out, you probably shouldn’t be carrying these heavy boxes by yourself now.”

“Seriously, it’s not like that, I--”

“Josh!!!” The bartender called out seeing the manager walking out of his office. “Riley is getting married! And she has a little bun in the oven,” he added quietly as the manager’s eyes went wide.

“I was aware of your marriage to Drake but I had no idea you two were already expecting. My sincere congratulations, to both of you.”

“Wait, no, I am not pregnant!”

“It’s okay, you can still work here until you don’t feel like it anymore,” Josh patted her on the back and left the bar before Riley could say anything else.

“Why does no one believe me?” she asked but her friend was already behind the bar making a drink. A few minutes later she got a message from Drake.

“Why is your manager congratulating me on having a baby? Am I missing something?”

She sighed as she typed, “It’s a long story.”

“Anyway. The wedding’s tomorrow at 6. Don’t be late.”

She sighed again as she shoved her phone back to the bag.  She now wasn’t sure if she just made the biggest mistake of her life or not but it was too late to back out now.

The die was cast.

[you-a-southpaw-doll]

Deaf ~ A Max (The Resident) One-Shot

Summary: Max gets a new tenant...and maybe a new family? With all the silence, will Leigh be able to draw Max outta the walls and into her life? 

Warning(s): Angst. Happy ending. Single mother OFC. Mentions of cheating. Bisexual OFC. Hearing issues. Deaf infant. Implied PTSD. Implied childhood trauma. Panic attack. Self-harm. First aid. Non-canon. OOC Max. Slight voyeuristic tendencies. OFC’s P.O.V. Soft Max. Hurt Max. Scared Max. Touch-starved Max. Max just needs some love.

Author’s Note(s): So, I watched The Resident (2011) a couple nights ago, and got this idea. I don’t do rape, so I changed Max’s character so he never goes that far. I also decided to do this from the OFC’s P.O.V. and show a different side of Max, one that would hopefully, kinda sorta, explain why Max seeks the refuge the walls give him. For people that suffer from PTSD, and other mental illnesses, everyone finds their own way of coping with their struggles. I’m not in any way condoning what Canon Max did. I just wanted to try and a different, less creepy, softer side. Also, in this story, Max is not a rapist, nor is he a murderer. And...I wanted a happy ending for Max, so that’s what I gave him.

Word Count: 7,982 words.

Relationship(s): Max x Leigh Sullivan (OFC) [romantic]. 

Characters: Max. Leigh Sullivan (OFC). Maxwell Dean Sullivan (OMC). Chris Sullivan (OMC). 

Taglist: @negans-network @prettyboynegan @mychemicalimagines @spnnnxangelsx @rockinkel21 @misskittycat02 @band--psycho @ofxallxwexlost @iron-halt @thamberlinawrites @ravenwings73 @lettherebepink @stoneyggirl @sebs-padawan

_______________________________________________________________________

Story Time:

Leigh’s P.O.V. ~

It’s been two weeks since I moved to New York City to start my new job at the museum and try to get on with one of the numerous publishing houses for my next books. Two weeks of sleeping in a cheap hotel room. Two nights of frantically searching for a somewhat cheap apartment that would be big ‘nough.

Two weeks of missing having his little body snuggled up next to me. Two weeks worth of triple FaceTime calls to my brother back in San Deigo just to see his cute little face. Two weeks of missing my baby boy. Two weeks of missing my adopted, six-month-old son, Maxwell. Two weeks of being completely alone in a new place for the first time in years.

It’s been two days since I saw that flyer pinned up on the hospital bulletin board after passing out from dehydration. Two days since I went to that old building that’s close to the huge bridge stretching out over the river. Two days since I saw the fancy apartment still being renovated that was clearly well outta my price range.

Two days since I met him and saw that beautiful dimpled smile hiding under the construction mask. Two days since I felt my heart flutter for the time in nearly half a year. Two days since that deep, slower than molasses but sweeter than honey voice told me it was mine for only $3,800 a month, minus utilities. 

It’s been two hours since he, my new landlord left my apartment after sitting down to enjoy a dinner of takeout from the nearby Chinese restaurant once we’d finished moving my meager belongings in. Two hours since he and I opened up a little bit to each other, getting to know the other person. 

It’s been two hours and I still haven’t stopped smiling. 

Leaning back in my chair, I slide my iPhone outta the pocket of my men’s holey, Skinny Flex American Eagle dark blue jeans. Holding my thumb down on the button so it recognizes my thumbprint, I wait for it to unlock before I click on the FaceTime app and call my brother. I take a deep breath, relaxing, as I wait for him to answer. 

Only...he doesn’t. Instead of my slightly younger brother answering, I get the best thing that’s ever happened in my life. The moment I see my son’s face fill the screen, I tear up and smile. 

“Hey, baby boy! You playing with Uncle Chris’s phone?” I coo in a soft voice.

I don’t get an actual response, but that’s ok. My son Max is deaf. He was born that way and the doctors said it’d be a few more months before we could even try to get him fitted for hearing aids. The said it was a side effect from where his birth mother had been using hard drugs for 99% of the pregnancy, even though I tried to get her help.

Max makes a bunch of soft, cooing noises as he holds the phone close. I realize that he hasn’t noticed that I’m the phone yet. Especially once I see his gums get closer to the camera. I laugh, knowing he’s trying to gnaw on the rounded corner of my brother’s iPhone. Hearing movement on the other end, I watch as the phone jostles, and a loud thunk echos to my end. 

A moment later, two small, chubby hands grasp the phone and my son’s face fills the screen once more. I watch as his eyes widen and he lets out a high pitch squeal, giggling, and it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that Max has finally noticed that I’m on the phone. Smiling, I wave to him and blow him kisses.

It just makes him squeal more, louder, and happier. I giggle and happily listens to his giggles, squeals, and babbles. After nearly 15 minutes of listening to him, and slouching in my chair, the phone jostles once more and I hear Max let out a whine and hear him sniffling, knowing his ‘bout to start crying. 

A second later, my brother’s face fills my phone’s screen and his eyes widen too, making him chuckle.

“Hey, sis. Sorry. Didn’t realize you were on the phone. I guess Max got ahold of mine when I went to fix him a bottle and a small jar of that mushy baby food you picked up for him before you left.” He says.

I smile. “Nah. Max didn’t call me. I called. He answered. Took him a hot minute to realize I was on the phone. Then he started telling me ‘bout the stuff y’all did today. Sounds like a productive day.”

Chris laughs and I watch as he gets settled on the couch in his apartment, holding my son in his lap, keeping him to where he can still see me on the phone.

“Oh yeah.” He chuckles. “Real productive. 3 naps, 6 poopy diapers, and a few bottles.” 

I giggle. “Sounds like it.”

He chuckles more and shakes his head. “Anyway. How’s the city? D’you switch motel rooms? That don’t look like the one you’ve been staying in.”

I grin from ear to ear. “That’s actually why I called you. I found a place. By the river and train tracks.”

“Yea? That’s great! You all moved in?”

“For the most part. All that’s missing is little man. Oh. And the actual furniture. I was thinking...think you and Max could be out here tomorrow?”

“Uh...yea. I still got 3 more weeks’ worth of vacation time saved up at work. Give me a sec to pull up flights and shit.”

I smile and nod, waiting as Chris sets his phone down. After listening to some shuffling and the protests of my son, my brother and my son’s faces are visible once more. I help guide my brother through the process of looking for, booking, and getting two cheap plane tickets. I tell him my card info so he can type it in.

“Alright, sis. It looks like we’ll be flying out ‘round noon our time. And, after a 5 and a half flight, we should be to the city by dinnertime. How’s that?” Chris double checks.

“Sounds fuckin’ good to me! I can’t wait. I’ll meet y’all there!” I grin and cover my mouth as I yawn.

Chris chuckles. “Good. Looks like you need to get to bed. It’s what, 11 there?”

I nod. “Yea...I think so. It’s been a long day.”

“I can tell. Well, get some sleep. We’ll be there tomorrow.”

“I can’t wait to see y’all. It’s been a long two weeks.”

“I bet. I honestly don’t see how you’ve been a single mom for the last 6 months. I’ve been watching this little monster for 2 weeks and I swear, I’m never having my own kids.”

I laugh. “Shut up! He’s not that bad. He just misses his mommy. And, you never wanted your own kids. You’ve always been too scared. Couldn’t even sit down if there was a kid in the room.”

“Hey! I just didn’t want to risk accidentally sitting on them and squishing them!” 

I giggle as my brother grins. “I know, bro. I’m just giving you shit.”

“Yea. Just like your son’s been doing all day.”

I laugh, yawning again. “Shouldn’t have given him the sweet potato mush. I warned you.”

He rolls his eyes, chuckling. “Whatever.”

“I am proud of you, bro. You’ve done so well with him, and I appreciate everything you’ve done to help me. I know it’s been a long couple of months, not just the two weeks I’ve been out here.”

“I just wanna see you happy again, sis, and I’m always here for you. That’s why I’m more than willing to help you.”

“I know. And it means the world. Give him kisses for me and tap his little tummy twice to tell him I love him?”

Chris smiles. “I will. Be careful, yeah? We’ll see you tomorrow.”

“I’ll try. Love you.”

“Yea. Ok. I know.”

He grins and waves, getting Max to copy him as he hangs up the call. I smile to myself. My brother’s never been one to say “I love you” to someone. He’s been like that since we were little when he was 5 and I was 6. So, I don’t take it personally when he just responds as he does. I know he still loves me. 

He’s been there for me, just like I’ve always been there for him. After my last relationship hit the fan and I caught my fiancé cheating on me with a man and said she no longer felt like being a mom in a same-sex relationship, just a few weeks before Max was born and we were supposed to gain custody of him, Chris offered to let me move in with him once Max was born. 

So, that’s what we did. Max and I left Kentucky where I’d been living all through and well after college and moved to San Diego to live with my brother. The 5.5 months we were there, I looked ‘round for a job that I could use my history degree in, while also working on my last novel. After getting an offer from a museum in New York, I broke the news to Chris that Max and I would be moving to the city.

He’d been shocked at first since we were both from a small town in the mountains of Western North Carolina, and I’d sworn I’d never live in a big city. ‘Specially one in the North since it got too cold in the winter and I’d always been made fun of for my strong Southern accent. I’d explained to him that I had to do what was best for Max, that I had a son to think ‘bout now.

He’d understood after that and was willing to watch Max while I traveled back across the country to a new place, to look for a good living arrangement, and get settled in for my new job. He told me that once I got settled, he’d bring Max out and then help me get all moved in and everything. Which is what led us to tonight. 

After hanging up with my brother and my son, I plug my phone up, set a few alarms, and curl up in the chair to try and get some sleep, knowing that tomorrow’s gonna be an even bigger day. All while never knowing that I was being watched by landlord peeking through a strategically placed and well-hidden hole in the wall.

When I wake up the morning, well early afternoon really, groaning and blindly reaching out for my phone to shut up the annoying alarms, I stretch and rub my eyes. I’m definitely not a morning person, and usually, get my best work done between the hours of 1 and 7 am. It’s been great since Max still hasn’t picked up on the whole sleeping through the night thing.

I finally push myself up outta the chair, my joints protesting the clearly uncomfortable position I just spent the last six hours in while curled up. Making my way to the kitchen, I get a pot of coffee going before padding back across the apartment to the bedroom and bathroom. I shoot my brother a text, letting him know that I’ll still pick him and Max up from the airport. 

After my shower, and downing the entire pot of coffee, I put some music on as I start to plan how I want the apartment set up and start looking up furniture stores on my phone, even ordering a few things online to be delivered in a couple of days.. I get lost in my search, that it takes me several long minutes to notice someone’s knocking on my door. 

Clicking my phone off, I tuck it in my pocket and make way to the door, opening it to find my landlord.

 He and I talk for a few minutes until I suddenly realize the time.

“Oh shit! I gotta go!” 

Max, my landlord, raises a brow. “Hot date tonight?”

I smile. “You could say that. I gotta go pick the love of my life up from the airport.”

I watch as Max’s face falls and he gets a sad look in his eye. 

“I thought you were single?” He asks. 

Scrambling to put my boots on, I reply to him. “I am. But, I still gotta pick him up.”

“Oh. Well, alright then.”

I look at him as I grab my drawstring bag that I use instead of a purse and put it on my back. 

“I’ll be back soon. If you wanna come over, I’d love to introduce you. You’ll see him ‘round a lot.” I say, grabbing my key.

“Um. Maybe. I know I’ll be busy with the renovations in the other apartments. I just thought I’d stop by and check on you, see how you settling in.”

I smile and gently place my hand on his shoulder, trying my best to ignore the rush of excitement that courses through my body at the touch. My landlord is not only smoking hot, but he’s also well built and I can feel his muscles under my hand.

“Thank you, Max. I greatly appreciate it.” I say.

He just nods and stares at my hand for a moment. 

“Oh...sorry.” I apologize, dropping my hand, quickly remembering how shy he is. “I’ll...uh...see you later, maybe? I’d really love for you to meet him. He’s a sweetheart.”

He shrugs and rubs the back of his neck. “We’ll see how the renovations go.”

“Sounds good! Don’t work too hard!”

“I am working too hard!”

I giggle, playfully smacking his shoulder. 

“Don’t do it.” I giggle.

I quickly leave after locking my door and hurry downstairs, hailing a cab and head to the airport. Thankfully, there doesn’t seem to be too much traffic, which surprises me since the first I noticed when I got to the city was all the traffic. When I get there, I realize I’m still a few minutes early, so I make my way over to the gates to wait. 

Nearly half an hour later, I spot my brother, holding my son, carrying only the diaper bag and a small book bag, and rush over. As soon as I reach them, I happily take my little boy in my arms, peppering his chubby little cheeks with kisses, which has him squealing happily and patting my head. I giggle and tilt my head back to look at him, despite the happy tears rolling down my cheeks.

Tapping my finger against his belly twice like I’ve done since the moment I first held him and the moment the docs told me he was deaf, I let my son know I love him. He giggles and curls his fingers ‘round mine, holding it tight. I lift my shoulder, turning my head in an attempt to wipe my tears away. Once I’ve done that, I look up at my 6’2” tall brother, grinning from ear to ear.

He just smiles and pulls me in for a hug. I lean against him since my arms are full from where I’m holding Max. Laying my head against Chris’ chest, I smile. He just hugs me a little tighter, but not too much ‘cause of Max.

“Missed you, sis.” He says.

“I fuckin’ missed you too, bro.” I reply. 

He laughs and lets go of me, looking at me. “You look happy.”

“I am now! I’ve got my little boy in my arms, and you’re here. But, I’m sure you’re hungry?”

“Always am!”

I laugh. “C’mon. Let’s go get some food and head to my place. You’re really gonna love it!”

He chuckles and follows as I carry a giggling and snuggly Max outta the airport. I look up Chris. 

“You’re taller. Hail a cab.” I say.

He raises a brow. “How?”

I giggle and tell him since it’s the time he’s ever had to do it. Growing up in our small town, we didn’t have taxis, and then when he moved to San Diego during my senior year of college, he already had his own car, so he didn’t have to worry ‘bout taxis out there. It doesn’t take long before one comes to a stop in front of us.

Piling in, I give the driver my new address, and we set off towards home. Well, my home. Chris and I spend the time talking while I just hold Max close, patting his butt. Right as the driver makes it to the apartment building, the air suddenly smells shitty. I know Max has pooped himself, and I soothe him before he can start crying and apologizing to the driver, giving him a decent tip.

Ushering Chris out the cab, so I can get out with Max, I shift my son in my arms. 

“Don’t worry, baby boy. Mama’s gonna get you upstairs, and get you all cleaned up!” I coo, softly, my lips near his ear so that he can feel the vibrations of my voice as I talk.

Max settles down a little as he sniffles, clinging to my shirt. I kiss his head and led the way inside and up to my apartment. Shifting him once more, I dig my key out, unlock the door, and step in with Chris right behind me. 

“Let me get him changed. Feel free to look around. There’s not much, but we’ll fix that tomorrow.” I say.

Chris nods and drapes the strap of the diaper bag over my shoulder. I carry Max into the bathroom and set him on the tiled floor. I keep him distracted while I change his diaper, and tap his tummy twice after buttoning his onesie and slipping his little shorts back on. He lets out a giggle, holding his hands up.

Giggling myself, I scoop him back up in my arms, tossing the dirty diaper in the small trash can as I walk out. 

***

Over the next couple of weeks, Chris helps me move furniture in, get the apartment set up, takes turns with caring for Max, and even teaching me some of the new recipes he’s picked up. He’s come along way, considering that the kid used to burn cereal when he tried to make himself some when we were kids.

We take a few days, once the apartment’s set up, to explore the city. I haven’t done much sight-seeing myself since I arrived. It was mainly ‘cause I was too busy trying to find a place and everything. A few times, I spot my landlord while we’re out and about, and I try to wave him over so he can meet my son and my brother.

Especially since he never showed up the night Chris arrived. I’d been really excited to introduce them. I couldn’t explain why, other than the fact that I wanted Max to meet my son and my brother. Yet, Max never comes over. He always pulls his phone out when our eyes meet and presumably takes a call, walking in the opposite direction.

Two and a half weeks after Chris arrives in New York, Max and I take him to the airport to catch his flight back to San Diego. We stay with him till it’s time for his plane to be boarded. As he hands his ticket over, he assures him he’ll text me when he lands in California and when he gets home. I give him one last hug and lift Max’s hand in a wave.

***

After Chris leaves, Max and I settled into our normal routine. I wake up shortly after he does, get him changed and dressed for the day, and then lay him down on the living room floor for tummy time while I get to work. The position I have at the museum allows me to work from home, occasionally going in once or twice a week, with Max, to take care of some things there.

When I’m not working for the museum, I’m attempting to work on my novel. After I get done with work, I feed Max and me, before we settle on the couch with a Disney movie or one of the three Despicable Me movies playing for naptime. Even if Max can’t hear, he still loves watching the screen, giggling. 

He absolutely loves the minions and squeals every time he sees them on the screen. After naptime, he and I lay on the floor for more tummy time while I try to teach him the sign language I’ve been learning. My baby brother, Eli, was also born with hearing issues, so thankfully I knew some when he was growing up, but I’ve also been teaching myself more since I found out Max was deaf.

At the end of the day, and getting some more work done, along with dinner, I give Max his bath. He’s always loved bath time, except for the few times water lands in his ears. Since it’s his favorite, I give him one every day, which doesn’t put too much strain on the water bill ‘cause Max’s baby bath is small and doesn’t take a lot of water.

When bedtime rolls ‘round, I curl up on my new bed with Max cuddled to my chest with my shirt tightly gripped in one hand and his shark blankie in the other. I rub his back and hum softly so he can feel the vibrations from it as he drifts off to sleep. We keep the routine up for the next month a half. During this time, I never talk to my landlord, not even when I go to give him the rent.

I mean, yeah, I’ll see him occasionally ‘round the building, but he doesn’t say a word. He just looks at me for a moment, before dropping his head and walking away. It breaks my heart ‘cause I want to talk to him. We had so much fun talking and goofing off the night he helped me move in. But, since that day I had to rush off to the airport, we haven’t spoken.

I just resigned myself to knowing that he obviously thinks we’re nothing more than landlord and tenant. Which, honestly, make me sad ‘cause I thought we’d have become friends. He was the first person that was actually nice to me after I moved to the city. I also tuck down the feelings of the crush on him I have.

He reminds me a lot of Papa Winchester from my favorite tv show, Supernatural, and I’ve always had the hots for the oldest Winchester. Even my ex-fiancé knew that, and she agreed. See, we’re both bisexual, but I’d always thought she was the one. Until I caught her in bed, our bed, with a man, and she’d told me what she did.

The six months after we broke up were the hardest, ‘cause I’d been ready to marry her. But it didn’t work out. And after I’d moved to New York, met my landlord Max, and realized I’d had a crush on him, I was starting to come to terms with maybe moving on. Getting back out there. I mean, I knew there’d probably be nothing more than a friendship with my landlord, but I was ok with that.

But, I don’t even have that anymore. I sigh to myself, urging my thoughts to go down a different road, as I pull the clothes out the dryer. Just as I finish pulling the last few clothes outta the dryer, I hear whimpering. I listen for a moment to try and figure out where the sound’s coming from so I can go get my son.

After a moment, and the realization that the sound of whimpers is coming from the falls, I try to tone down the feeling of panic that’s quickly spreading through my body. Max started crawling shortly after we moved here, and I know he’s been exploring the apartment. I just hope he hasn’t gotten himself stuck somewhere. 

I quickly leave the clothes on the dryer and walk further into the apartment, closer to the sound of the whimpers.

“Max? Honey? Don’t worry, ok? Mama’s coming to get you.”

I call out, without thinking ‘bout the fact that my son’s deaf. I call the words out based on instinct and the need to assure my son that he’s gonna be ok. I follow the noise, getting closer to the kitchen and my eyes widen. Did I forget to put the baby gate up so he couldn’t get in there? When I reach the kitchen and realize that I did indeed forget to put the baby gate, my heart drops to my stomach.

“Fuck!”

I step into the pantry where the sounds of the whimpers are louder and look ‘round. I don’t see my son anywhere. Then I hear the whimpers again and realize that they’re coming from the other side of the wall. I gently push against the right wall, to give myself leverage, as I keep looking, thinking there’s no way that the whimpers are coming from the walls.

My eyes widen as the wall shifts a little with my touch, and they nearly pop outta their sockets when I realize the wall isn’t just a wall. It’s a door that’s already slightly open. My heart starts beating faster as I realize that there’s a slight chance that Max could’ve crawled in here, and through the small opening.

I take in a shaky breath as I push the door open enough for my small frame to fit through. Once I’m through, I notice two things from the get-go. One, the whimpers get louder. Two, the door leads to what looks like an old set of maintenance hallways. I know older buildings used to have them, so it makes sense that this building would have ‘em too.

I just never really put the thought into asking or caring if the building had them. I make my way deeper into the hidden hallways, being careful not to trip or hit my head on anything. Keeping my eyes peeled for my son, I get closer to the sound of the whimpers until I finally reach the source. My eyes widen when I see who’s making the sounds.

“Max?” I ask, softly, getting closer.

My landlord doesn’t even look up as he flinches at the sound of my voice. He just whimpers and bites harder into his wrist. 

My heart breaks and I crouch down next to him, gently taking his hand and pulling his wrist from the tight grip his teeth have on it.

“Max? Honey, it’s ok. You’re safe.” I murmur.

He whimpers a little more and hides his face. I immediately realize what’s going on. He’s having a panic attack, and it looks to be a bad one. Rubbing my thumb across his knuckles, I lean closer to him, gently wrapping my arms ‘round the slightly older man, and pull him close to me. I reach a hand up and run my fingers through his hair, softly and silently convincing him to lay his head on my chest.

I soothe him, calm him, and help him relax ‘nough that he slowly eases outta the panic attack. Not stopping my fingers as they continue to run through his hair, I start humming softly. I know panic attacks are one of the worst things to go through. Especially all alone. It takes several minutes, but I eventually feel Max relax, sagging against me as the panic attack leaves him.

Even though he’s outta it, I continue to run my fingers through his dark curls. 

“Better?” I ask softly.

He nods, just a quick, subtle little jerk of his head against my chest, but it’s still a nod. 

“Will you come back to my apartment with me? I wanna take a look at your arm. You bit down on it pretty hard.” I explain after he looks at me with uncertainty swirling in his muddy water brown eyes.

He takes a deep breath but nods again. I smile.

“That’s a good boy. C’mon. We’ll get you all fixed up.” I say, not sounding patronizing, but rather motherly.

I smile to myself as a light blush covers his cheeks at my words. I gently pat his shoulder before we stand up. As I lead him back through the maintenance hallways to the door that leads into my pantry, I notice other little holes in the wall, discreetly checking them out. When I realize they show off different points of my apartment, I raise a brow but don’t say a word.

After peeking through one of the holes, I see Max, my son, sleeping peacefully in his little playpen and let out a soft breath of relief, remembering that I’d laid him in there when I went to do laundry. I hold my landlord’s hand the entire time we walk through the hallways if nothing more than to keep him calm.

When Max and I get to the door leading to the pantry, he suddenly stops, jerking me to a stop too since I wasn’t expecting it and had been leading him by the hand. I turn ‘round and look at him.

“What’s wrong?” I ask, confused.

“The love of your life? Where’s he at?” He asks after, nervously, after a moment.

I smile. “He’s sleeping, in the other room. It’s ok.”

I watch as more hesitation and uncertainty fill Max’s eyes. I give his hand a gentle squeeze. 

“Hey. It’s ok. He won’t mind you being in there. He gets a bit protective over me, but I just know he’s gonna love you.” I assure him.

“I...I don’t think so...guys typically don’t like me. Neither do girls. I’m a loner.” He mumbles, looking at his feet while flicking his thumb against his finger on his other hand.

“Max?”

He lifts his head, looking at me. “Hmm?”

“Trust me. He’s gonna love you.”

He shrugs. “Nah. He won’t. ‘Specially not since he has you.”

“Hey. Stop doubting yourself, ok? He’s gonna love you ‘cause I like you.”

“You...you like me?”

I smile and nod. “I do. And you’d know that if you hadn’t been avoiding me since I had to leave so quickly to get to the airport.”

A small smile tugs on his lips. “You’ve been busy.”

“I’m never too busy for you, Max. Now, c’mon. Let’s get your wrist all cleaned up, then you meet the person who stole my heart with just one look. And, he’s gonna steal yours too.”

I giggle and gently squeeze his hand as he looks nervous. I lead him into my apartment from the pantry, and into the living room. 

“Have a seat on the couch, ok? I’m just gonna go grab the first aid kit. Don’t try and leave. I’ll follow you and kick your door down if you do.” I playfully threaten. “I don’t mess around with first aid.”

Thankfully, it gets a chuckle outta him and he takes a seat on the couch, holding his hands up in surrender. I grin and head to my bathroom to grab the first aid kit. Walking back through my bathroom, I stop by the playpen, lean down and kiss my son’s head, covering him up more with his shark blankie.

Watching him for a moment, I smile to myself and head back to the living room. Max is still in the same spot he was when I left him a moment ago, but this time, he has his hands on his lap as he picks at the bite mark on his wrist. I gently slap his hand away. 

“Stop that, mister. You’ll do more damage than what you’ve already done.” I say, kneeling on the floor in front of him, between his knees. 

He raises a brow and mutters a quiet, “I’m sorry.”

“Good boy. Now hold your hand out so I can look at it.”

He blushes a little but does as I ask. Gently taking his arm in my grasp, I inspect the self-inflicted bite mark on his wrist. After cleaning it with some alcohol wipes and putting Neosporin on it, I gently wrap some gauze ‘round his wrist and tape it so it stays in place. Without thinking ‘bout it, I place a gentle kiss on over the wrapped wound.

It’s outta habit that I do it since I do it whenever my son gets a boo-boo. I hear Max suck in a deep breath and my eyes jerk up to meet his. His bottom lip is captured between his impossibly white teeth and his cheeks are a shade pinker than they were before.

“I...I’m sorry. It’s outta habit that I do that.” I mutter, trying to explain as quickly as I can.

“I...it’s fine. I’ve just never had anyone do that before.” He mumbles.

I raise a brow. “Your mama never kissed your boo-boos?”

His eyes get that sad, lost look in his eyes. He pulls his arm outta my grasp and, not answering, he walks over to the window. I sit back on my ankles, packing the first aid kid up. 

“Max...I’m sorry. I didn’t...you don’t have to talk ‘bout it.” I say quietly.

He just sighs and stares out the window, not saying a word. 

“My…” He starts, still staring out the window. “My parents died when I was 10. My grandfather, August, he’s the one who raised me.”

I stand and gently pad over to him. “I’m so sorry, Max. I didn’t know. I didn’t think before I asked that.”

He glances at me then looks back out the window. Without thinking, and just doing it, I wrap my arms ‘round his waist and lay my head against his chest. He tenses up immediately at my touch.

“What...what are you doing?” He asks.

I tilt my head back to look up at him. “It’s called a hug. It’s supposed to be comforting. I can stop if it makes you too uncomfortable.”

I watch as his facial expression changes with several different emotions before a smile finally settles on his lips.

“Nah. It’s not too uncomfortable. I’m just not used to this.” He says after a few moments. 

“This?” I ask.

He nods. “Hugs. I can’t even remember the last time I had one.”

I tighten my arms ‘round him and lay my head back on his chest. I feel his arms slowly make their way ‘round me, loosely holding me close, and I smile. 

“Whenever you want one, just come to me and I’ll happily give you one.” I say. “I’m not really much of a hugger, but with you, it just feels right, so you can have a hug whenever.”

“Really?” He asks.

I nod against his chest. “Mmhhmm.”

“Thanks...but...what ‘bout...the love of your life? Is he ok with you giving random men hugs?”

I giggle and look up at him. “You’re not a random man, but yes. He’d be ok with me giving you hugs. He loves them, so he’ll probably try and give you one too.”

“Um…” He hesitates, slowly dropping his arms. “I dunno how I feel ‘bout your man giving me hugs.”

I giggle. “You’ll change your mind when you meet him.”

“I dunno.”

“I do! Stay here. I’ll bring him out to you.”

“Ummm…”

I giggle and lean up to kiss his cheek. “Just wait here.”

He swallows deeply, making his Adam’s apple bob up and down. “Ok.”

“Good boy.”

I giggle and leave him in the living as I walk into the other room where I know my son is. Reaching into the playpen, I scoop him up, making him giggle. I heard him cooing to himself a few moments ago, so that’s how I knew he was awake. I kiss his cheeks and gently tap his tummy twice. He makes a happy noise and snuggles to me.

I smile and hold him close as I walk back out to the living room. Max is looking out the window again, this time, though, he’s got his arms wrapped ‘round his torso, almost like he’s giving himself a hug. I giggle softly and make my way over to him.

“Max?”

He lifts his head and turns his gaze from the river to me. His eyes widen as he sees my son in my arms. Shock, confusion, and another emotion flash across his face. 

“Who? Who’s that?” He asks.

“Max, this is the love of my life. My son.” I say, grinning from ear to ear.

“Your son? Love of your life?”

I giggle and nod. “Mmhhmm. I adopted him when he was born. I can’t have kids myself, and my ex-fiancé and I had talked ‘bout adopting. So, we decided to do it. Found out that this little guy’s mama was putting him up for adoption before he was even born. Then, just before he was born, my ex-fiancé and I split. I still adopted this little monkey and it’s just been he and I against the world since.”

“But...that man...who was here...was that your former fiancé?”

I giggle and shake my head. “No! That was my oldest younger brother, Chris. He’d been watching Max for me while I got settled in the city. After I moved in here, I called him, and he brought my son out here and helped me get furniture and whatnot. I really wanted you to meet him while he was here...but you kept getting phone calls…”

“Your brother?” 

I smile and nod. “He’s the oldest of my two brothers, and I’m the oldest of all the kids.”

“Oh…”

I giggle. “Yea.”

“Those phone calls...they weren’t actually phone calls.”

I raise a brow. “You mean to tell me you faked ‘em just so you wouldn’t have to come over?”

He looks down, nodding. “You just seemed so happy with him. I thought y’all were together and that the kid was y’all’s. It…” He shakes his head, cutting off the rest of his sentence.

“Max, I wasn’t lying when I told you I was single the first night I spent here. But I also didn’t tell you that there is a guy I like.”

“Oh...well...I don’t wanna meet him…”

I giggle. “Too late. You already have.”

He frowns. “I have?”

Nodding, I grin and take his hand. “C’mon. I’ll show you who he is.”

“I don’t wanna…”

“Tooooo bad, mister.” 

I giggle and lead him to the bathroom, standing him in front of the mirror as I stand next to him, holding my son.

“I thought you were showing me someone I don’t wanna see.” He says, his voice quiet.

“I am. Tell me who you see.” I say, grinning.

“Me. I see me, you, and your son.” 

“Exactly. So, you see the guy I have a crush on.”

“Isn’t that a little weird to have a crush on your son?”

I giggle. “Yea. So, it’s a good thing he’s not who I have crush on.”

His brows furrow in confusion and I giggle and gently turn him to face me.

“You’re adorable.” I say.

“How?” He asks, confused even more. 

“You’re just not getting it, are you?”

He shakes his head. “No?”

“Max, you’re the guy I like.”

“Me?”

Nodding, I smile. “You.”

I watch as he gets the cutest, dimpled smile on his face, making me giggle more. He blushes and ducks his head down for a moment before looking at me.

“You really like me?” He asks, softly.

“Mmhhmm. I do. I just thought you didn’t like me since you kept ignoring me.” I say.

“I was just trying to distance myself...I thought you were with that guy, who’s actually your brother...I thought he was your ex-fiancé that you’d mentioned that first night...that you’d taken him back.”

I giggle. “Oh, Max. My ex-fiancé was a woman. Who cheated on me with a man. In our own bed.”

His eyes widen. “You were with a girl? But...you like me?”

“I’m what you’d call bisexual. I play for both teams. I like guys and girls.”

“Oh!” He lets out a soft chuckle. “So...what’s this mean? For us?”

I giggle. “It means, that I’d like to date you. If you want that.”

He grins, making his dimples show more. “I’d...I’d like that.”

“Me too! We just have to get someone’s permission first.”

“Permission? From?”

I smile and turn my son ‘round to face him. “Max here has to approve first. I have to think of him now, especially when it comes to relationships.”

Max nods and looks at my son, then back at me. “Wait. His name’s Max?”

I smile. “Maxwell Dean Sullivan. Sometimes, though, I’ll call him Deaf.” (Deef.)

“Why?”

“Oh. He’s deaf.”

“Oh!”

I smile and nod then look down at my son as he wiggles in my arms, reaching out for Max. I giggle and gently hold him out, waiting for him to take him. Max gently, and somewhat nervously, takes my little boy, and cradles him.

“Awww! You’re like a pro!” I grin.

“I’m not gonna lie. I’m scared shitless. He’s so small.” He whispers.

I giggle. “You’re also really big. Max and I are both small compared to you. And you help me close and gently.”

This gets a soft chuckle from my landlord and he visibly relaxes, shifting Max so he’s a little more comfortable. My son giggles and reaches up, patting Max’s cheeks, squealing at the feeling of the short beard tickling his tiny palms. I smile and lean against the mirror, watching them. 

“I think Deaf likes you.” I say.

“Yea? You really think so?” Max looks up and he visibly tenses as he soon as he sees me leaning against the mirror. “Don’t lean against that. Please.”

I raise a brow, but step away from the mirror. “Why not?”

“I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“I won’t, Max. It seems like a sturdy mirror. Plus, the wall behind it keeps it up.”

He lowers his gaze and hands my son back to me, much to my son’s protests and my own confusion. 

“I...I should go...just please don’t lean against the mirror.” Max says quietly and turns to leave.

I reach a hand out and curl my fingers ‘round his upper arm. 

“Hey. Stop. You don’t have to go.” I say.

He nods. “I do. There’s stuff you don’t know ‘bout me...I’m not a good man…”

I raise a brow. “Max. Aside from ignoring me for the last several weeks, we’ve still been good to me. You are a good man. I know you are.”

He shakes his head. “I’m not. I’ve done things I’m not proud of, but can’t help.”

A thought hits me and I look up at him. “You mean the holes in the walls? That allows someone to peep through into my apartment?”

His face pales and I get my answer. I reach up and cup his cheek. 

“Max. It’s ok. I saw him when I was leading you back to my place to fix your wrist. The walls...they’re your safe place, aren’t they?” I ask, softly.

“It’s quiet in there. I like the silence.” He mumbles, closing his eyes. “I can watch...and it calms me.”

“Have you watched me?”

He swallows deeply. “I tried not to...but I…”

“Shhh. It’s ok, Max. I’m not mad.”

“You’re not?”

“No. I’m not. Some might think it’s creepy, but in a way, it’s like you’re watching over, protecting me. Me and Deaf.”

“I...I didn’t think of that.”

I smile and tuck a strand of his hair behind his ear. “It helps you stay calm, watching me?”

He nods. “I can’t hear the voices…”

“What voices?”

“The ones telling me…” He shudders.

“Breathe, Max. It’s ok. What do they tell you?”

“That I’m a coward. A pervert. A creep.” 

His reply is so quiet I almost don’t hear it. But I do. I place my palm back against his cheek.

“Is that why you bit your wrist earlier?” I ask softly.

He nods. “To make them shut up.”

“Well, you don’t have to do it alone anymore, ok? I’ll tell those voices to shut up too.”

He opens his eyes and looks at me, unsure. 

“I will.” I assure him.

“But...why?” His child-like voice breaks my heart.

“Because, they’re lying to you, Max. The things they tell you, they’re not true. You’re not a creep. Not a pervert. And you are definitely not a coward.”

“But...I am.”

“No, Max. You’re not. You’re not any of those. You’re just a man who needs someone to show him what it’s like to be loved. You didn’t have a good childhood. Losing your parents, and having your grandfather raise you. But you survived. You grew up. You coped with everything thrown your way in the ways that you knew how. You’re a survivor, Max. And, that alone makes you the furthest thing from being a creep and a coward. As for being a pervert, I don’t think you’re that either.”

He doesn’t say a word, but he leans into my touch more.

“How do you know?” He asks after a few minutes.

“I know, because I can tell you’re not. Believe me, I grew up ‘round ‘nough perverts to know that’s not you. You’re nothing like them. That’s how I know.” I whisper.

“You still like me?” He lifts his eyes to meet mine.

“I do, Max. And, I’m gonna show you what it’s like to be loved. We’ll get there. And Deaf here, this little boy in my arms, he’ll show you too. I told you he’d love you when he met you.”

“He does?”

I smile and nod. “He doesn’t reach out to just anyone. It took him months just to go to my brother. But it took him maybe 5 minutes to go to you. And, kids are usually really good judges of character. Just like dogs. So, I can assure you he doesn’t think you’re anything like what the voices tell you.”

He nods slowly and looks down at the little boy in my arms. 

“He is cute.” He mumbles.

I giggle. “Damn right he is! He’s my son.”

Max chuckles softly. “That’s true. But...you’re not cute.”

I raise a brow and look at him. “That’s not exactly the best thing to say to your new girlfriend.”

He grins. “Girlfriend? I like the sound of that...but you’re not cute. You’re beautiful.”

I blush. “So are you. Ain’t you can’t argue with me. The girlfriend’s always right.”

He laughs softly. “Is that so?”

“Mmhhmm! Now. I believe there’s a little boy who wants to be held by you.”

He smiles and kisses my palm before standing up straight and gently taking Max from my arms, holding him close. 

“As for the mirror, Max. We’ll just board up the other side.” I say, getting the picture, from his reaction, that it’s one of those mirrors like police station interrogation rooms have. “And, you won’t have to go back into the tunnels anymore. You have me and Max now. We’ll be here for you.”

He swallows deeply and nods. “Promise?”

“I promise promise, Max. But, know that if you ever cheat on me, I’ll cut your dick and balls off.”

His eyes widen as he nods. “I...I wouldn’t do that to you.” 

I smile. “Good. And I wouldn’t do it to you either.”

He lets out a breath of relief. “So...does this mean...that I have a family?”

I smile. “Yes, Max. It does. We’re your family now, and you’re our family.”

[tdatdroleplay]

Hank & Lux - From the Beginning

This story was originally posted in May of 2020 from the Twitter accounts of @HisTeenDream and @RookByTheBook. 

Lux: [She’d spent the last four years in Houston, attending Rice University. And it was at her graduation in May that her father let her in on a serious secret. He had lung cancer. And he was getting sicker despite the treatments. He didn’t want her to move home, but she didn’t feel right about staying in Houston like nothing was wrong. Besides, she’d graduated and could hopefully find herself a job in San Antonio. She’d spent the day at the hospital just...spending time with her father. She wished that things were different. She wished she had more time, that she hadn’t spent the past four years away from him. But it just wasn’t...in the cards. So instead, during his treatments, during the times when he was having serious issues, sickness and even depression, he stayed at the hospital. So she’d spend a decent amount of her days there too. In between, she tried to take care of the house and find herself a job. Which hadn’t been as easy as she hoped. On her way home, she decided to pick up a little takeout from Blanco Café. She went ahead and paid, got the bag, back in the car and headed to the house. Pulling up, she got her bags and headed to the door. She went to put her key in the lock and then paused when the door simply pushed open.] What…[She had a sinking feeling as she pushed the door open and saw all the lights on, the place ransacked, a lot was missing, and the window around the back of the house in the living room was busted out. She didn’t bother going inside any further just in case someone was still in there. Instead, she dug her cell phone out of her bag and called the police to report a break in.] 

Hank: [He walked out of the office of the San Antonio Police Department’s psychologist. It wasn’t because he had any issues with discipline, or a head case...it was just part of his career path. There were three examinations an officer had to pass after he completed an initial interview if there was an aspiration to be a SWAT team member. And that was all he could think about. The first was the psychological exam. Then that was followed by the fitness testing and the skills examination. One on the books, two to go. He’d spent the last three years working as a beat cop for the SAPD and he was damn proud of that, but he wanted bigger and he wanted better. He was made for more than this. In the year before the academy he went through an accelerated degree program where he snatched up a degree in Criminal Justice. He had plans to apply for this from the minute he graduated high school. He had already certified himself in counter-sniper tactics, helicopter and armored vehicle insertion and was hoping to get himself enrolled into explosives, rope skills and crowd control if he passed his exams of course. But...that was the goal. And as he walked back through the hall toward the little station where he sat to file his reports, when he heard the Sergeant call over to him. “Page, get your ass back to your car.” He chuckled and nodded and grabbed up his keys.] You got it, sir. [He blew out a breath and headed back out. He knew they were gonna break his balls over this. Leaving the team to join another, but it’s just what he wanted. He spent a good hour patrolling his normal runs when dispatch sent out a call. “Possible 10-35. Subject location unknown.” His brow lifted, but when he heard the address, he grabbed the radio and responded.] Unit 8 is 10-76. My 10-77 is about fifteen minutes. [He set the radio down, flipped his lights on but not the sirens. His brow was furrowed. That was an address he knew all too well. It was the childhood home of a friend of his. And it was a place he visited often enough. He went there to help her father. Fix what needed fixing. Take care of the lawn, the flash ice storms in the Texas winter. And even he had to admit that things just seemed to be getting a little more worse for the wear. But still, he wondered how the man called if he wasn’t in the house and that troubled him enough to drive a little faster than was allowed through a residential district. And he had to wonder why he didn’t just call his cell. He cleared his throat as he pulled up at the side of the house and grabbed his radio again.] Unit 8 is 10-06. Standby. [He stepped out of the car, closing the door as he started to walk up the side of the walkway, the back of a woman with long blonde hair coming into view.] Ma’am? 

Lux: [She was standing in the yard, arms wrapped around herself as she just stared at the house. How was she going to tell her dad that their house had been broken into, their things stolen? He would want to come home, and he needed to be in the hospital receiving his treatments. Her dark blue eyes were starting to water when she heard the sound of a man behind her. Turning around, she saw an officer.] Yes. Um...I haven’t been inside. [She looked back toward the house, but continued to speak.] The door was open when I got home. And I...just peeked inside. Didn’t see anybody, but the place is a mess. So I just called the police and waited out here in the yard. [Turning back toward the officer, she figured she needed to introduce herself.] I’m Lux Wilder. This is my father’s house. His name’s Eric Wilder.

Hank: [That was a shock he wasn’t expecting. There she was. Lux Wilder. The girl of his teenage dreams. They were friends then. And had a few classes together. But he was quiet. She was friendly. He kept to himself, she went to all the parties. She was smart and beautiful and he was skinny and pale and yeah. It was no wonder she didn’t know who the hell he was. He cleared his throat.] I’m familiar with who owns the house, Miss Wilder. I know your father well and...you for that matter. [He looked up at the house.] Wait here, I’ll go and check it out. [He started toward the house before he looked back at her again. She definitely grew up. Still just as beautiful. He walked up the steps and used his foot to push open the door as he pulled his black gloves on and opened the holster clasp before palming his weapon. It definitely was a damn mess. Someone did a number on it and that just pissed him off. He called out to anyone that may have still been in the house.] Police. If there’s anyone inside, come out now with your hands up. [He went from one room into the next. Where the hell was Mr. Wilder?] 

Lux: [Her brow furrowed as he said he knew who owned the home, knew her father, and knew her. How the hell did he know her? She was pretty sure she’d remember someone who looked like a strip-a-gram cop. She was still looking up at him when he told her to stay there.] Uh...yeah, OK. [She had to figure out who this guy was. She tried to see the name on his uniform before he walked away, but she only saw a P before he was walking past her. She stood in the yard, watching him head into the house. He was a pretty big man, but shouldn’t he have waited for back up or had a partner? She bit the corner of her lip as she waited for him to come back out.]

Hank: [He cleared the entire house. If someone had been there, they were long gone now. He holstered his weapon and secured the clasp before he came back out, he had his radio up at his mouth this time.] Dispatch this is 8. I have a 10-24 with PD. Can we get someone out here for collection? I’m 10-75 with the caller. [He left the radio go and heard the confirmation. “10-4 Officer Page. I’m sending someone now.” He looked back at her and raised a brow.] I’m gonna need some information from ya and I’m having someone come out to collect evidence and process it since there’s so much damage. We’ll file the report and I’ll check with the neighbors to see if anyone’s heard anything. Where’s Mr. Wilder? [His brow furrowed.]

Lux: [She was standing there, staring at him. The radio said Officer Page. Page. She went to high school with a couple of Pages, but...this guy didn’t look like any of them. She was still in thought when he came over to speak to her. And it took her a minute to answer him.] Uh...yeah, sure, that’s fine. I don’t know how much information I can give. Can I go inside and see what’s missing? I…[She shook her head.] How do you know my dad? How do you know me? [She looked up at him, dark blue eyes studying his face. She had to admit there was something familiar about his warm hazel eyes.] 

Hank: [He shook his head.] Not just yet, they need to clear it. I wouldn’t want some kind of evidence unknowingly get destroyed because we’re moving things around. [His brows lifted.] It’s me, Lux. Hank. [He moved his pen across his notepad before he looked back down at her.] I guess I do look a little different. [He smiled.] I...see him when I’m on patrol. This is my neighborhood. And obviously /he/ remembers me. But I haven’t seen him for a little while. Is he alright? 

Lux: [Her full lips were parted as she just stared up at him. That wasn’t Hank Page. And then he made a crack about her dad remembering him.] No, I remember Hank Page, but Hank Page didn’t look like that. [She gestured to him.] Or...you. Uh...shit, I mean, Hank was small...er than you. And…[She snapped her mouth closed and shook her head, smiling at him.] It’s only been four years. The glow up is real. I’m sorry I didn’t recognize you. How’ve you been? [She would’ve hugged him, but he was a police officer and that might’ve been frowned upon especially since he was on duty.] My dad’s...well, a few months ago, he came to my graduation and afterward, he and I were out at dinner. He wasn’t trying to ruin the occasion or anything, but a few days prior, he’d gotten a pretty serious diagnosis. Lung cancer. He’s been in and out of the hospital lately. A lot of chemo. A lot of...problems. So I moved back home to try to help him. Not that I’m a ton of help. Unfortunately. And now I get to tell him that all our stuff’s gone, and he’s going to worry that his little girl’s staying in an unsafe place. And that’s the last thing he needs to worry about right now.

Hank: [He was about to make a comment about her when she said that her father got one hell of a diagnosis and his eyes went a little wide and that made more sense. He’d noticed the change in Eric and it was obvious now, but it wasn’t then. He just figured it was taking him some time to bounce back from a cold. He shifted his weight and shook his head.] Man, Lux...I’m sorry, that’s…[He was gonna have to process that too. He’d gotten close to her dad in the years of her absence. And it was no wonder he didn’t tell him. He didn’t want him to make a damn fuss over things. With that bomb being dropped, a few techs showed up to do some processing and he pointed them in the right direction.] When they leave, we’ll see what’s missing, yeah? We’ve had a bunch of kids running around causing problems. Vandalizing cars and stores and things like that, but it hasn’t been anything serious. So this most likely isn’t going to be anything close to unsafe. But we’ll go back in and assess and get an idea. But maybe just give it a little while for him to rest up before you break the news about the break in. When’s he getting discharged? 

Lux: [She shook her head.] It’s been hard. But he’s having a hard time with the treatments, and he’s also getting depressed a lot lately. [She sighed softly.] Yeah, that’s fine. I just mean, he won’t want me staying in a place that’s been broken into. And I guess I don’t really want to either. [She pulled a face and her shoulders lifted a bit.] Maybe I’ll just stay at the hospital tonight. [She shook her head.] I don’t really know. When he goes in for treatments, they really take a toll. He usually stays for a few days afterward until he starts feeling a little better. 

Hank: [He shook his head. Dammit, Eric.] Would you feel better if there were an officer outside tonight? [His brows lifted.] How long have you been back? Are you planning on staying or are you just here for what’s going on with your dad? [He tapped his pen to the page.] That’s not for the report. That’s all me. Being nosy. 

Lux: [Her own brows lifted.] Oh, you guys...I mean I’m sure the police have better things to do than babysit a scaredy cat. I put the wheels in motion to move home as soon as daddy told me. I’d already graduated, so I just figured I’d move back here from Houston. Try to get a job. I’ve been back for almost two months I guess. And yeah, I’m gonna be staying. [She smiled when he said he was just being nosy, a soft laugh spilling out.] 

Hank: [He paused on the personal talk for a minute, getting information from her, what he needed for the report that he was going to have to fill out and enter later, but he was glad when the tech team gave them the go ahead and check inside. He turned with her.] Don’t be ridiculous. The police enjoy getting the chance to sit outside of a house all night. We don’t get called for anything. We just...relax. Listen to music. Do rounds. Trust me. It’s a shift the boys love to get. [He winked at her then turned around toward the house.] Two months? Damn, Lux. That’s a long time. Didn’t wonder about your old buddy Hank at all? [His brows lifted as he pushed the door open for her.] Take your time walking through. Let me know if something significant jumps out at you as missing. 

Lux: [She laughed.] Well, then if it’s a cakewalk, you should take it. I’ll, uh, give you…[She pulled a face.] can’t be beer cause you’re on the clock. So...lemonade? [She laughed a little and shook her head.] Alright, anyway...my good buddy Hank never even offered to come up to Houston and visit me. My good buddy Hank never even texted. Or emailed. Or anything. And you know what? Good buddy Hank...you should’ve. [She gave him a nudge with her hand and then stepped inside the house. She was dreading this. Seeing all the things that were taken.] Well, the television’s gone. Computers. [She headed toward the kitchen, seeing the drawers open.] Did they wanna steal the damn can opener?

Hank: [He chuckled and shook his head.] Hey, I won’t charge the city. I’ll take the beer and I’ll take it in a pair of jeans instead of the uniform. [He jotted down what she said was missing, getting types and how many.] Can opener? Are you serious? [He shook his head and then decided to full circle that conversation.] Well, how was I supposed to know you wanted to hear from your good buddy Hank? I mean, let’s be real here. The /only/ thing you were focused on besides getting out of town was Cameran Taylor. Quarterback. [He looked over at her and pulled a face.] Which...just in case you’re considering sending him a, “I’m back” text...just don’t. He’s doing three to five for armed burglary. Knocked off Mr. Henderson’s Hardware. [He grinned.] I had the pleasure of that collar. [He wet his lips. Might’ve said he resisted a few times during that arrest, but it was justified in his mind.] 

Lux: Let’s just say you get the beer, but keep the uniform on. [She nodded with a bit of a grin.] It’s...well, we’ll say it makes me feel safer. [Was she seriously flirting over a burglary scene? She sighed.] No, can opener’s here, but they did take the Ninja coffee maker and the Instapot. Who the hell takes an Instapot, Hank? Who robbed my dad’s house? Betty Crocker? [She sighed, shaking her head and moving into the garage. She pulled open the door and shook her head.] All my dad’s tools…[She shook her head with yet another sigh. When Hank brought up Cameran Taylor, she rolled her eyes.] I haven’t spoken to him since my freshman year. He...well, I found out he was pretty focused on my best friend Megan. Needless to say, we’re not friends anymore, and Cameran...well, he hasn’t been a thought in a long time. [Her brows raised.] Really? He’s in jail? [She laughed softly, shaking her head.] What an idiot.

Hank: Idiot is an accurate description. He was “armed” with a flare gun. That’s why it’s only three to five. [He shook his head.] Tweekers. They’re looking for anything that runs. Anything that can get a few dollars resale. But that also means they’re less likely to come back. [He knew it sucked to be missing all of those things, but her dad didn’t really use those tools anymore. He brought his own when he came out to the house to fix something.] Megan? Really? I don’t know who that is. [He laughed and shrugged his shoulders.] Oh, the uniform’ll cost extra. [He lifted both brows and then stopped to look out the back window that was broken.] There’s no way to get this fixed tonight, but I’ll sheet it up for you. So none of the central gets out and keeps the damn bugs out. 

Lux: [She couldn’t help but laugh at the flare gun bit.] He never was the brightest bulb in the shed. [She sighed when he said that it was more than likely tweekers looking for anything they might resale on the street.] Oh God…[She hurried out of the garage, making a beeline for her father’s bathroom. And sure enough, all of his medications were gone. She tried to remember them all so that Hank could list them.] And yes, Megan. Megan Calder. You remember her. If you remember me. [She shook her head with a smile as they moved out of her father’s bedroom, which...his .38 special was missing too.] What’ll it cost me? [She looked up at him and then pushed her own door open, her room still much like it had been when she left for college. Her laptop was gone. Obviously. Her television.] Thanks, I appreciate that. I…[She stopped, looking around frantically.] Wait...No…[She looked under her bed and everything. It was gone. She sat down on the edge of the bed and covered her face with her hands.] They took my cello. How’m I supposed to get a job here now? It was hard enough already. Now I can’t even audition.

‘Hank: I’m gonna need the permit information for the gun. I’m gonna have to make sure that’s specially noted in case it’s used in a crime. [He shook his head.] We’ll make sure to get the pharmacy to refill what he needs and...yeah…[He was gonna have do some work around here. Reinforcing doors, locks. Security system. If she was staying and bringing Eric home, they’d have to have something in place. When she bent down and then ended up on the bed, he crouched down in front of her, setting the notepad on the bed beside her. He remembered Megan. He just didn’t care about Megan. He put his hand on her knee.] In the basement...your old cello is down there. [He wet his lips. He moved it when Eric needed him to take a look at the furnace.] I know it’s probably not what you’re used to now, but it’s something, right? 

Lux: [She pulled her hands away from her face when she felt Hank’s hand against her knee. She wiped under her eyes and then nearly bowled him over as she hugged him.] It is!? [She felt like she could take a breath. Yeah, it wasn’t the cello she’d been playing for the last four years, but it would work. Until she could get a new one. Or by chance the police found their things. She was just...wait...how did Hank know what was in her basement? She pulled back.] Hey, uh...good buddy Hank...how do you know what’s in my basement? I’m pretty sure you never came over and hung out in the basement when we were in high school.

Hank: [He felt her hug him and damn if that didn’t take him back to when she left for college. He wet his lips and then nodded his head when she pulled back.] Yeah, it’s down there. [He stayed crouched down for the time being, his elbows resting against his knees.] Well...that’s kind of a long story. Why don’t you get your things and grab the paperwork on the gun. I’ll take you down to the station, get that filed. My shift’ll be over by then and I can bring ya home and help...put things together here with ya. Sound alright? [He stood back up and looked down at her. He turned, pulling a tissue from the stand and passing it to her for her eyes.] After you left, I still kicked around the neighborhood. And since it was just your old man here, I checked in on him since I was still here. I helped him around the house. Mowed the lawn. Fixed the furnace. Cleaned out the garage. Did you know...that man is a bit of a hoarder? He kept /all/ of your grade school artwork. It’s...a bit of a problem. 

Lux: [She nodded as he said he’d take her to the station and then back to the house to help with the broken window and making sure everything was OK in the house.] Yeah, that’s fine. [She took the tissue from his and dabbed beneath her eyes. When he stood up, she went ahead and did the same. She listened to him talk about how he knew the cello was in the basement.] That’s sweet. You were always a real good guy, Hank. [She smiled when he said her father had kept all her grade school artwork.] Yeah, I can believe that. Dad’s sentimental. [She blew out a breath, not wanting to cry again.] Let me put my dinner in the fridge. [She walked to the kitchen, sticking the bag from Blanco’s into the refrigerator before she went to search for the paperwork in her dad’s room.] 

Hank: [He resisted the urge to say not good enough. She had enough going on and he didn’t need to add the butthurt boy from high school to the mix. But he wasn’t that boy anymore either. He’d grown up. And he’d gained a sense of confidence he completely lacked so many years ago.] Well, he’s a good man. And I enjoyed getting to hang out with him. He wrote me a letter of recommendation for the academy. [He chuckled.] He didn’t need to, but I appreciated it. [He walked her toward the door.] Lock up what you can. I’ve got tools in my trunk. I’ll take a look at what I can tonight. And I’m gonna have to grab something to eat on the way back. Definitely Paolo’s Pizza. For old time’s sake. 

Lux: [She was digging in her dad’s closet, trying to find the permit information for the gun that was stolen, and it took her about fifteen minutes before she could find it. Once she had, she gave it over to Hank and walked with him to the door. Making sure the garage door was down, the inside door was locked, and then the front door was locked, she followed him outside.] Should I take my car? [She looked up at him when he mentioned the pizza place.] Yeah, I’ve missed that place. [She stopped in the driveway.] Hey, Hank...I’m sorry. I should’ve kept in contact with you. I just...I guess I was just selfish. You were always such a good friend to me. And when I left, it wasn’t that I left to get away from every part of my life. So why didn’t you ever...you know...text me or anything? I mean I know we weren’t like...super close or anything, but we were friends.

Hank: [He shook his head.] You can ride in the front with me. It’ll be alright. You’re coming down to file a report on a missing firearm. It’s not going to take long. [He walked over, opening the door for her and closing it once she was in. He blew out a breath as he walked around to get into the driver’s seat. This wasn’t the conversation he thought he’d be having today, but he wasn’t minding who he was having it with.] It’s alright, Lux. You were doing big things. You needed to go. [He started the car and shook his head, checking before he pulled out.] Honestly, I just thought...you were gonna make other friends. And some boy ya knew in high school just wasn’t up on that college level, ya know? My whole life, I had one dream. And I’m doing it. But that took me in one direction and you were in another. I just didn’t want to insert myself in the new life you were trying to carve out. And...I didn’t have much to offer then either. 

Lux: [She got into the front seat of the cruiser and then looked at him when he was in the driver’s seat.] I’ve never ridden in a police car before. [She smiled.] That isn’t true. You were a good guy. You were smart. And you were always the sweetest. I just thought maybe you didn’t wanna stay friends when I left. It’s hard to stay friends with someone who isn’t around, you know? But you could’ve come up and visited me at Rice. I had quite a few concerts too. I should’ve invited more people to those. [She laughed a little.] I did make friends. But...well, they’re not around now, are they? Nope. They were around for the fun stuff. Not the tough stuff like my dad having cancer. Dad never told me that you were around. Then again...I didn’t...talk...to him much while I was in school. I regret that now.

Hank: Hey, don’t regret it. You talked. Probably more than other people that went off to college spoke to their parents. [He shook his head.] I should’ve. You’re right. But then...you would’ve seriously missed out on the big reveal of your good buddy Hank. [He looked over at her with a smile.] There’s all different kinds of friends, Luxie. People that come into your life at the right time for a little while, people that come into your life at the wrong time for far too long and people that don’t ever really stay away, but come when they’re needed. But no, he didn’t say anything. Then again...he didn’t tell me about having cancer the last time I met with him. So he and I have a conversation coming. I also didn’t know you’ve been back this long. And that’s probably because these past few weeks I’ve been putting in for a promotion. I was gonna surprise the old man if I got good news and now I guess...yeah. Does he have a prognosis? [He looked over at her and shook his head.] I’m sorry. 

Lux: That’s true. I didn’t even /recognize/ you. You look great, by the way. Hair cut. Muscles cut. [She laughed and then shook her head.] I felt that bicep. That is one serious bicep. [She looked down at her hands when he called her Luxie. No one had called her that in a /long/ time. She nodded.] Yeah, I guess that’s true. You know dad. He’s tightlipped about that sorta thing. Doesn’t really wanna let on how serious it is I think. But I think they’ve...well, it isn’t like a six month prognosis or anything. So that’s good. And yeah, you need to rake him over the coals for not telling you. A promotion, huh? What’s that about?

Hank: Yeah, I traded in my spaghetti arms for /man/icotti. [He laughed at his own stupid joke, but he knew it would make Lux laugh too. He could always make her laugh. That much he enjoyed. And it didn’t matter what he looked like, she liked his sense of dad joke humor.] Well, you’ll have to feel the other one. It’s just not fair to only get the chance to touch one. [He looked over at her and smiled.] Oh, I’m gonna. I would’ve been there more if he told me. [He shook his head.] Yeah. I’ve got all my ducks in a row. I’m starting my exams in the next few weeks. I’m really hoping I get accepted into SWAT. 

Lux: [She laughed at his corny joke, thinking it was pretty clever.] That you did. [She nodded as he talked about feeling the other arm.] Yeah, I’ll definitely do that. But you know...that’s just gonna lead to more questions. Like...are there pecs and abs under that vest or...I mean...who knows what’s going on under there? [She smiled, shaking her head and looking out the window.] Well, you definitely are the one who changed more out of high school. I mean maybe...no, definitely. [She laughed, but then raised her brows.] SWAT? Wow, that’s serious. That’s pretty intense. But that’s awesome. I mean...living the dream, huh? That’s what you wanted to do. Law enforcement. I remember how crazy Shane thought you were. He said no way Hank’s gonna be a cop. And I always told him to stuff it. That if I could play the cello for a living, you could do whatever you wanted too.

Hank: [He looked over at her, with his brows raised. And that was a side of Lux that wasn’t ever there when they were kids. That flirty little smile, the way she wanted to know more about his body. Not that he was minding one bit. He was more than happy to let her see whatever she wanted. Once again...high school dream girl. And seeing her now, that didn’t seem to change. Well, maybe the girl part. He’d definitely replace that with woman.] Hey, you’re the one that wanted me in the uniform. I’d be /more/ than happy to let you do some investigating of your own. [He grinned and then shook his head.] Jesus...Shane. Yeah, he’s still doing alright. Wife and a kid now. Yeah...SWAT. I’ve worked my ass off to get the opportunity. And if I’m cleared, it’s back to training, but it’s worth it. 

Lux: Hank...you’re making me blush. [She laughed, her hand touching her warm cheek.] The uniform’s nice. Accentuates all the right...areas. [She lifted her brows and then looked out the front.] Pretty sure it’s totally inappropriate to be flirting with the officer who’s...you know...investigating...filing....working...this case. [She dragged her words out with a smile on her lips.] I’m sure you’re gonna be plenty busy training and all that.

Hank: Well, then I’m doing my job, ma’am. [He chuckled and looked over at her. It felt damn good to put a blush on her face for the right reasons.] Why’s that? I’m a man, Luxie. Who happens to be a cop. This would be inappropriate if I said, give me a kiss and I’ll let you out of a ticket. [He grinned over at her.] Got any tickets? [He bounced his brows before he started down the road to the station.] Well, it’s a lot of training, but unlike going through the police academy which was 30 weeks of in-house training, this is shorter and I’m not required to live on campus. So it’s more of a nine to five that I get paid to do. A stipend actually. 

Lux: [Oh, a man he definitely was. And she felt ridiculous for even entertaining that idea. She shook her head with a smile, that flirting just spilling out before she could even stop it.] Well no, but you could write me one, right? [She made a little eep sound and then laughed. She tried to focus on what he’d said about his job.] That’s good. You know, not having to live on campus. You can kind of continue with your regular life. So...Shane’s got a wife and kid? I didn’t see a ring so...or maybe you can’t wear a ring and do what you do? I don’t know. Are you...married? Engaged? Girlfriended? 

Hank: The point is to not write the ticket. The kisses get you /out/ of them, remember? We don’t want a papertrail. [He chuckled and then wet his lips.] Didn’t see a ring on Shane? Oh..you mean me? Yeah...no. I mean, if you’re married, you’re allowed to wear it. Most guys opt for the silicone bands now. But I’m not one of them. I’m not married. Or engaged. No girlfriend either. I just never know if they want me for me, or they’re just using me for a get out of jail free card. [He chuckled.] I’m just kidding. Not about the girlfriend. Or wife. Or fiancee. 

Lux: [Her brows raised as she stared at him.] Listen to you, Mr. Dirty Cop! [She laughed and then shoved his arm with her hand.] Oh...is that assaulting an officer? You may have to frisk and cuff me, Officer Page. [She ended up laughing and shaking her head.] No! Not Shane! [She pursed her lips and shook her head.] I’m sure they wouldn’t be looking for a get out of jail free card, unless...who are you dating? [She arched a brow and then smiled at him.] Well, I hope you get all the things you want. SWAT. And any other promotion or thing your heart desires. You deserve that. 

Hank: Yeah, that’s exactly what that means. I think I’ll bring the cuffs and use the night stick. [He chuckled and wet his lips again. He was gonna have to reel it in. You couldn’t hide much in a uniform.] Hey, you know I don’t like bad girls. [He grinned.] I’ve always been different. So those good girls, that get good grades and grow up to be hot cello players. [He grinned and nodded his head.] Well, there’s a lot of desire in my heart, but...we’ll get to that later. [He put the cruiser in park and pulled out the keys.] We’re here. [He chuckled and got out, walking over to open her door.]

Lux: The night stick? [She looked at him with raised brows.] Is that what you call your…[She covered her mouth as a laugh tumbled out.] I...wow, this conversation has gone completely off the rails. [She shook her head and then turned to look at him.] So...my good buddy Hank thinks I’m hot, huh? That’s cute. [She had to admit that she was curious about the desire he had in his heart, but they were at the police station. She wet her lips as he got out and came around to open her door. Getting out of the car, she looked around.] Lead the way, officer.

Hank: [He nodded his head.] Follow me, ma’am. [He winked at her.] And for the record...no. That’s not what I call it. [He grinned as he held the door open for her to walk through it.] Who needs rails? Cute? [He reached up and clutched his chest.] That’s the kiss of death right there. [He walked up to the front and pulled out the papers she’d given him.] Gimme a sec. [He walked around behind the glass and spoke with the Desk Sergeant. He was behind there about four or five minutes before he came back out.] Alright, they’re gonna get that in the system and you’ll need to sign it, get a copy. I’m gonna head down and change and grab my bag. Wait for me here, yeah? 

Lux: Don’t you dare call me ma’am. No? Well, it’d be a good name for it. Just saying. [She shook her head.] No, not cute like that. Not like a baby holding a puppy or something. So no...it isn’t a kiss of death, but you sure are bringing up the word kiss a lot tonight, aren’t you? [She smiled when he turned to look back at her.] What? I’m not objecting or anything. Just pointing it out. Must be your subconscious. [She nodded when he told her to give him a second. She stood out there and waited, and when he said that they were going to get her a copy and she’d need to sign it, she nodded again.] Alright. I’ll be here. 

[nekojitachan]

AFTG fic - Medicine

This is for @sig66, another owed fic from the @aftgremix fic challenge where she guessed correctly which one was mine. She asked for a Clouds fic, so here you go! I hope you like it.

Hmm, think this is pretty safe here, other than the usual Hatford warnings?

*******

Andrew stood still while Neil fussed with the collar of his shirt. “I don’t know why it won’t – ah, there it is.” He smiled as he smoothed his hands over Andrew’s shoulders then stepped back. “You look great.” There was a slight roughness to his voice, a lingering to his gaze as he looked Andrew up and down, and if Nicky and Erik weren’t out in the living room….

Telling his damn hormones to calm down, Andrew clicked his tongue as he reached for his black gown with the fancy sleeves and purple hood, while Neil grabbed the black cap; he wouldn’t put it on until he had to, and wore black slacks with a black dress shirt for his graduation ceremony. Neil was dressed up for once, too, in dark grey slacks with a silvery-grey dress shirt (which Andrew had picked out). They left the small bedroom made even smaller with all the boxes, to enter the living room also crammed with boxes.

Right after graduation, they were moving in together, into a larger apartment in the same building. Andrew looked forward to an office where he could study for his Master’s degree, and a decent sized bathroom.

“There you are! Excited to graduate?” Nicky asked as he jumped to his feet with a big grin on his face; he’d gone back to the US for Aaron’s graduation two months ago, and shouldn’t be so excited to sit through another boring ceremony that summer.

“What, where I sit on my ass listening to a bunch of old people talk way too much until they call my name?” Andrew huffed as he tugged on the cuffs of his shirt. “Only going because Bren promised me decent drinks afterward.”

“But it’s a major life milestone!” Nicky insisted while gazing at Neil. “Aren’t you looking forward to graduating next year?”

Neil shrugged as he leaned down to pet Pita, who rubbed against his shins. “They don’t really do anything for those of us who take classes online. I’ll probably just keep taking classes until I get bored, anyway.”

“But… but… I’d be happy if I were you,” Nicky sniffed, which made Erik give him a big one-armed hug. “It’s a big deal.”

It was just a piece of paper, in Andrew’s opinion. What mattered to him was what happened afterward – the fellowship he’d received which allowed him to continue studying at the university, and the new lease which had both his and Neil’s name on it.

He had a future in front of him, one he’d earned on his own and one where an impossible pipedream wanted to wake up next to him each morning.

“Fine, you go in my place,” Andrew offered as he held out his gown to his cousin. At first Nicky gaped at him and then laughed.

“I’m tempted just to see the looks on their faces,” he hiccupped as he wiped at his left eye. “That’s okay, I’ll be busy keeping your sweetie company.”

Andrew narrowed his eyes at the moron for the ‘sweetie’ comment, but that was mild for Nicky and he couldn’t exactly argue that nothing was between him and Neil when several of the boxes around them bore his name.

“Uhm, we need to leave,” Neil said in a rush as he motioned to the door. “If we want to be on time.”

“Yes, I imagine there’ll be some traffic,” Erik agreed, a proud smile on his face as he held out his arm for Nicky to take; both men were dressed in suits as if attending a formal affair.

They finally left the apartment and went down to the car which Erik and Nicky had rented for their visit. On the way to campus, Andrew’s phone pinged with a text from Aaron – a short message to congratulate him and remind him to call when everything calmed down.

Andrew hadn’t been able to attend his twin’s ceremony since he was busy with classes at the time, but he’d gone back over Easter break to tie up some loose ends (sell the GS, box up whatever he wanted to keep to either bring back with him or mail to the UK, and get rid of the rest) and have it out with Aaron one last time. To his surprise, it had gone better than he’d expected; he doubted that his brother had ever thought he’d just ‘walk away’, would leave Aaron and the States for good, so they managed a sort of ‘détente’.

Distance seemed to work well for them.

Campus was a mess with all of the visitors there to see their family and friends graduating, even if they had split up the classes as much as possible. After they’d parked and gotten to where the ceremony was held, Andrew (barely) allowed Nicky to give him a quick hug and Neil a longer one before he went off to join his fellow graduates, including Prasad. He exchanged a fist-bump with his now former roommate, who updated him on his job search (a couple of promising leads) and once again congratulated him on the fellowship before they split up to go to their seats.

After that, it was as boring as he’d expected, save for Neil sending him texts during the droning speeches; asking him if he was certain that he was related to Nicky (had there ever been a blood test? Neil knew people who could do genetic testing on the sly if Andrew wanted it done, just saying), future menu items at the café (now that was just mean), possible vacation spots for them, and yes/no on accessories for the new ‘flat’ (no on the cat-themed pillows, yes on the new duvet). When it was Andrew’s time to go up for his diploma, he was hard-pressed not to flash the middle finger at the crowd with the way that Nicky and Erik acted like immature morons, yelling out his name and clapping so loud.

When it was all said and done, he was grateful to make his way back to where Neil waited for him; he had to endure a congratulatory pat or two on the shoulder from a couple of professors along the way. As soon as Neil spotted him, he smiled at Andrew and leaned in for a quick kiss once close enough, which somehow made the whole ridiculous ceremony worthwhile.

“Let’s go,” Andrew insisted when they broke apart, and ignored Nicky’s protests about him posing for pictures.

The man really should know better by then.

They waded through the crowd and managed to get back on the road after a short (not short enough) wait, then drove to the Bolthole, which was closed for a ‘private’ party. Andrew would be honored by the event, if he didn’t know how little money the café made on a regular basis and how much some of its ‘regulars’ enjoyed drinking.

Along the way, Nicky babbled on about Andrew and Neil visiting Germany before their classes resumed, maybe the four of them meeting up in Berlin like they’d talked about around New Year’s. It was a possibility, especially after Andrew bought a car so he and Neil could plan out some road-trips.

There were times when it still didn’t seem real, the fact that he’d left the US behind to live in the UK, that he’d be looking for a job here after he graduated with his Master’s, that he’d cosigned a lease and had a student visa (and been told by Bren that it wouldn’t be any problem to get a more permanent one once he graduated).

That he was planning a future with Neil and a spoiled as hell cat.

Okay, he’d never plan on including the spoiled as hell cat. Or the annoying, cloying as fuck family members like Stuart and Will.

Especially Stuart.

That wasn’t even including Ally.

The one thing he’d finally accepted was that Neil was real and wasn’t going away. Not with that signed lease, not with all those boxes waiting to be moved into the new apartment (flat – what the hell was a ‘flat’?), not with all the exchanged texts about what they should buy for their new home (home, what a concept), not with the casual mentions of how they’d get a townhouse (‘terraced house’) when they graduated and figured out where they wanted to live (where they got jobs – probably London but maybe Glasgow or Edinburgh since Andrew liked those cities, too).

Neil cared about finding a place to live where Andrew liked, where Andrew wanted to live.

After all those years of tearing himself into pieces for others… Andrew had found an improbable idiot who worried about making sure that Andrew was happy.

(Well, Andrew and a spoiled furball.)

(Andrew could put up with a spoiled furball who was placated by a full dish of food and a soft blanket to sleep upon, as long as he got Neil most of the time.)

Neil had just told Nicky to send him some ideas of where to stay in Berlin when they finally reached the Bolthole (or at least where they had to park), and everyone got out of the car. Neil smiled at Andrew and held out his hand a little in a gesture that meant he’d like to hold hands but it was up to Andrew, which made Andrew click his tongue and entwine their fingers together.

Such an idiot.

They only had to walk half a block to reach the café, and ignored the signs posted on the door about it being closed for a private party; Andrew actually blinked in surprise to find more than Bren and a glowering Stuart inside, but a smiling Jamie, Henry, Ally (okay, he could do without that cousin), Will, Miriam and a few of the family’s bodyguards and errand runners as well.

They made an obvious sign of brandishing crackers in the air before setting them off (Neil still flinched a little at the noise), before closing in to wish Andrew ‘congratulations’. “How does it feel to be an educated man?” Henry asked as he handed Andrew what looked to be a glass of champagne (it better not be anything cheap).

“Hungry. Where’s the cake?” he asked as he rocked up on his toes to look beyond the wall of Hatfords, which made most of the people laugh.

“It’s over there,” Henry remarked as he waved to a table laden with appetizers and what had to be an entire sheet cake despite the fact that there was less than twenty people in the place; like the rest of his family, he was dressed up for the event (why?) in nice clothes (suits and dresses – but then they dressed up to ‘deal’ with people so no big deal). “So, are you happy with the new flat?”

Despite being drawn to the cake (an entire sheet cake, embellished with his name and lots of buttercream roses), Andrew paused to consider the question and the man asking it. Henry might appear like some mild-mannered twenty-something with his friendly smile, pale grey eyes and blond hair, but Andrew had yet to see the young man without at least three weapons on him (knives in his ankle boots and gun holstered in the small of his back), had heard enough stories from Neil and Bren to know that the Hatford’s heir wasn’t one to ignore. Yet Henry strove to put him at ease, to ‘chat him up’ each time they met… after ensuring that he was serious about Neil.

Hadn’t that been a ‘fun’ conversation.

Yet Henry (and Jamie and Miriam) seemed to believe that Andrew was serious (he was) about Neil and so treated him with respect (what a concept), while Stuart and Will were still a bit standoffish (considering what he’d heard about their sister and her relationship with Neil’s father… well, he’d accept ‘standoffish’).

“I can shave in the damn shower without knocking my elbows into the walls, so ‘yes’,” Andrew remarked after a sip of the champagne (it wasn’t the cheap stuff).

“Well, you know Neil,” Henry remarked with a slight smile as he gazed over at his cousin, who was being hugged by Jamie. “He insisted on the smallest flat in the building, so Dad was rather happy on giving him an upgrade this time around.”

Which worked out for Andrew, didn’t it? “For future reference, tell him ‘no’,” he insisted. “At the least, it’s animal cruelty.”

“Not to mention boyfriend cruelty, no?” Henry laughed as he held up his own glass as if in a toast. “Don’t worry, I believe it won’t be a problem anymore.” He gave Andrew a knowing smile as he walked away, only to be replaced by Miriam who offered her own congratulations and wanted to know if he needed anything for the new apartment (she didn’t seem to trust Neil’s ‘we’re fine’ – the woman wasn’t an idiot by any means).

After spending ten minutes or so going over some vital necessities (Andrew had no issues hitting up Neil’s wealthy relatives for stuff when they were eager to provide them) while snacking on the appetizers since he hadn’t eaten in hours (the croquettes were delicious, as were the mini chicken pies and the Welsh rarebits, among others). He figured any guilt Neil felt over the purchases would be assuaged by how happy his aunt was over making them, so it would work out in the end.

Bren and Davis came over with a few pints to ‘toast’ his graduation, and then he was able to escape to find Neil, who was chatting with Stuart and Jamie. “-seriously, we can put you to work in some side businesses once you graduate,” Stuart was telling Neil, whose body was stiff with tension.

“I appreciate that,” Neil said in a flat manner as he stared at his uncle with a bottle of water clutched in his right hand. “But there’s a lot I can do with the degree, maybe I’ll get a Master’s like Andrew and… I don’t know, see what happens after that. Mathematics and language intersect at some point, which opens up a lot of options for me.”

Stuart frowned as he jabbed his right forefinger at his nephew. “I don’t see how-“

“Neil’s right, there’s potential there,” Jamie was quick to jump in while Andrew rubbed his right hand along his boyfriend’s nape. “Something with security and code breaking, if I’m guessing right, which could be valuable to us… or if he wants to strike out on his own.”

“Exactly,” Neil said in a quiet voice as he slumped against Andrew. “Could set up my own business but still help out the family.”

Stuart eyed him for a couple of seconds before he nodded. “You know you’re free to do whatever you want and we’ll support you, but… but yeah, tell me and Will about this some night, okay?” He smiled, the expression blatantly proud, as he reached out to ruffle Neil’s hair. “Obviously you got all the smarts intended for Ally.”

Jamie laughed at the comment while Neil managed a slight grin, and Andrew felt the tension leave his lover’s lean body; no matter how much Neil struggled to stand on his own, his uncles’ opinion mattered to him. “That’s a classic example of damning with faint praise,” Jamie claimed as she gave her cousin a fond look. “You two are coming to London for a week or two, right? Maybe in another month?”

Neil fidgeted with the left of his shirt while he gave a curt nod. “We need to get everything set up in the new flat and then figure out where we’re all going during the summer break, but we planned on stopping there.”

“Still need to get the car first,” Andrew added as he glanced around for Bren, who was over by the impromptu bar talking to Davis and a couple other Hatford ‘employees’. They’d discussed options for an affordable used car (something not too boring with low miles), but the man had been awfully quiet on the matter the last few days.

“Yeah, right.” For some reason, Stuart gave Andrew an indecipherable look while Jamie smiled, and then the topic switched to how Andrew and Neil better not stay at any cheap hostels again on their getaways (it had been one time, when their hotel had ended up overbooked, and while Andrew hadn’t been happy about it, at least they had a room to themselves and the place had been clean). While an indignant Neil argued with his overprotective uncle (good luck – usually Andrew would put his money on his lover, but not that time), he wandered off to fetch a drink.

Bren gave him a pat on the shoulder while the others wished him ‘congrats’ and handed over at least a double of a very nice whiskey; he was toasted first to a successful Master’s and then a ‘happy life’ in the new apartment (flat). He tried a few times to bring up the car, but kept being interrupted by Davis or Quentin before Bren could say more than a couple of words.

Then Bren pointed out that Ally had challenged Nicky to some ridiculous drinking contest, and Andrew had to go put a stop to it before Stuart and Will decided they didn’t want someone related to such a blithering moron anywhere near their precious nephew.

By then, Neil seemed to reach the limit of his uncles’ fussing and all but glued himself to Andrew’s side, which wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. They sat down at a table to eat (more meat pies, not that Andrew was complaining at all, along with mashed potatoes); Neil nursed a cider while Andrew had a pleasant buzz from the whiskey and looked forward to the cake for dessert. Jamie and Teddy (Wednesday pick-up) sat across from them and talked to Neil about possible places to see in Portugal while Andrew exchanged a few texts with Aaron and did his best to ignore Nicky’s hints about how he needed to make things with Neil ‘permanent’.

Right, he’d just sold most of his belongings (the GS) and moved across the ocean to live full-time with another person (whose family could very easily make him ‘disappear’ if they wanted) and a cat – all on a whim.

Maybe if he asked Stuart very nicely, the man would make Nicky disappear.

(It was a nice daydream.)

At the moment, what annoyed him the most about Aaron was that his twin was thousands of miles away from Nicky. “You need to go spend the summer with Aaron,” he told his cousin.

“Huh? But I just saw him a few weeks ago, that and I can’t take that much time off at once,” Nicky complained as he frowned at the platter of pies before he picked one at random. “Besides, I need to save a week in case, you know.” His left eye did some weird spasm thing, which Andrew took to be a pathetic attempt at winking. “Something important happens with you and Neil.”

“Time to cut him off,” he told Erik, who was already handing a glass of water to his inebriated husband.

Neil leaned against Andrew after he had a sip of his drink. “Can we just go somewhere far away when I graduate? I mean, this isn’t too bad but….” He gave a significant look to the family gathered around them.

Andrew nudged him in the side while pointing to the half-eaten chicken and mushroom pie on his plate before he answered (in German as well). “Not a bad idea.”

His boyfriend smiled and resumed eating while Jamie rattled off all the family events in the second half of the year that they were clearly expected to attend; Andrew inwardly sighed and wondered if he could walk off with whatever bottles of alcohol were left over at the end of the party as Neil’s smile faltered.

He was about to tell Neil to create a distraction while he grabbed the cake and then they ran like hell (well, more Neil than him) when Will stood up and cleared his throat as if preparing to speak. “I want to thank everyone for coming tonight. It’s not a grand occasion, but it’s still an important one.” He nodded to where Andrew sat, a slight smile on his face; Will wasn’t the most jovial of people, but he’d always treated Andrew with respect and politeness even while he made it clear that Andrew wouldn’t live long enough to regret harming his nephew. “Someone we’ve all come to know has reached an important milestone, and so we’re here to recognize that achievement. With that in mind, Stuart and I have a gift for him.” He motioned to Andrew. “If you would, Andrew.”

“If I’m about to be shot, I’ll be very upset,” Andrew murmured to Neil, who’d gone perfectly still during the speech. The look his boyfriend gave him indicated that Neil didn’t appreciate the joke (well, semi-joke), but there was little he could do since Andrew had stood up and went to approach the mob boss (crime lord, whatever).

Stuart stood as well, his expression blank, but Andrew caught the way that Miriam smiled, along with Henry and Davis (who were seated near the men) so assumed that he wasn’t about to bleed in the next few minutes (assumed). Still, he had to force himself to not go for one of his knives and heard Neil mutter in Russian when Will reached into the pocket of his black pants for something, which he held out to Andrew. “A present for you. We heard you might like it.”

“Something better than that used Japanese shite you had Bren looking into,” Stuart muttered; upon seeing the ‘Jaguar’ logo on what was apparently a key fob, Andrew almost remarked what did it matter when the company was now foreign-owned, too… and then he realized that it was a new key fob for an F-type.

Yeah, he supposed it was a bit better than something used that he could afford with the money from selling his GS….

“Are you serious?” he asked as he rubbed his right thumb over the logo; he’d gotten some gift cards (mostly Amazon and one for IKEA from Nicky and Erik) for graduation, while Neil had surprised him with a new laptop. But this? This was….

Andrew didn’t know what to do with this.

He was ready to throw it back at Will when Neil appeared at his side. “You didn’t have to,” he told his uncles with faint reproach.

“We wanted to,” Will explained as he smiled at his nephew. “This way we know that the two of you are driving around all over the place in something reliable.”

While Neil frowned at their usual protectiveness, Andrew clicked his tongue and slid the fob into his pocket, suddenly all right with the extravagant present – it was more of the usual Hatford ‘must coddle Neil’ BS. “It better not be some lame color, like white.”

Stuart’s face grew flushed as he jabbed his forefinger in Andrew’s direction. “Listen, you little shit! You don’t-“

“It’s grey, nothing too flashy,” Will said with a knowing smile as he reached out to tousle Neil’s dark hair. “And the insurance is taken care of, too. Just don’t wreck it.”

“I won’t let Neil behind the wheel,” Andrew promised, only to give his lover a bland look. “What? You think speed limits should be doubled, at a minimum. And you switch lanes at will.” The one time he’d let the idiot drive a rental car was also the last.

“It’s just… what I’m used to is… oh never mind,” Neil grumbled as he rubbed at his eyes. “Cake now?”

Considering how little Neil liked desserts, Andrew knew it was a diversionary tactic yet accepted it, because he wanted the damn cake (and then to go find his new car and drive it home).

(Go home and spend the rest of the night alone with his boyfriend.)

Several other people spoke up in agreement that yes, definitely time for cake, so Miriam and Neil went over to cut the damn thing at last (Neil made sure that Andrew got a huge end piece, and the rest of his own after he choked down a couple of bites). There were more presents, mostly along the way of gift cards (Andrew didn’t complain), though Henry did give him a very nice set of knives and Bren a pair of Doc Martins with skulls on them.

“Just think about it,” Nicky mostly whispered after he sidled up to Andrew after Andrew went back for seconds on the cake. “If they give you a car now, imagine what your wedding present would be.”

The moron made a good point for once. Andrew had a bite of dessert (chocolate layers with the rich buttercream he liked) while he watched Neil make Ally take a piece from a center of the cake – the ends were reserved for Andrew, apparently - and felt a familiar warmth fill his chest.

The moron made a good point, but there was no reason to tell him that, to say that there wasn’t a need to rush things. First, he and Neil had to settle into their new home and then still had to finish their university degrees. Maybe after they graduated and found steady jobs, they’d consider it… or maybe not. After all the changes in the past year or so, the one thing that Andrew had grown certain of was the life he’d found with an improbable pipedream.

Neil looked over at him and smiled, the expression turning into a grimace as he licked a bit of icing off his fingers without thinking.

“I’m just saying,” Nicky continued to harp, “guys like Neil don’t come along every day. Put a ring on it, will you?”

Oh, Andrew knew how rare Neil was, but judging from the smile that returned as Neil walked over to him… for once he believed it would be all right. “Enough,” he warned his cousin before he said something to upset Neil.

“I’m just trying to help you out,” Nicky said with an offended sniff before he returned to Erik’s side, his husband busy chatting with Davis about something.

Probably, but Nicky never knew when to quit. Hopefully he got it all out of his system tonight and wouldn’t bring it up when they visited later in the summer.

Hmm, maybe the Hatfords could do something about that as a future present, Andrew mused as Neil sidled up to him - full of cake and good whiskey, a new car waiting for him, and content to have his boyfriend at his side once more.

*******

So, one more owed fic - I may post the next Ghost in You chapter next week and then I’ll have to see what happens next, fic-wise. Especially since I’ll be out of town the first weekend of December.

[greenwaterskeeter]

i finally have a coherent personal narrative, and here it is. It’s quite long, but i think of some interest, and might be encouraging!

-Mentions of suicidal ideation, emotional and financial abuse, emotional incest, fatphobia, misogyny, capitalism. Whatever the qpr equivalent of romance is. Ends happily-

I felt for a long time that i should have died when i was 20. Not in the sense that i deserved to, but in the sense that by then i’d accomplished as much as i ever would and was therefore obsolete– taking up resources unnecessarily.

When i was 13, i felt forced to choose between my parents. My bus driver/karate teacher, a kind person who i very much admired, advised me to flip a coin and then, if i didn’t like the result, pick the other. I chose my mother and (privately) pledged absolute loyalty to her (I was obsessed with LOTR at the time and felt that it was the purpose of my life to be a Sam for somebody).

While she was single and struggling to keep the farm and raise my brother (a toddler then), that devotion was used and rewarded. There were times i thought with satisfaction that i might as well be her husband, as well as a parent to my beloved brother. I was proud. I felt righteous. The joy of supporting and protecting her was real. The intermittent anguish of being a minor who could legally only do so much to help was also real. (I believed in laws then).

When I was 17, she remarried (a perfectly nice, wealthy man, as devoted as me and much more powerful) and i went to college. I slowly imploded across all four years, though I didn’t realize that until nearly the end. I think now it was because nothing i could offer her was needed anymore. Every time she treated me like a child instead of the valued partner i had been, i was crushed. Emasculated. i began to feel positively Tortured without understanding why. It sounds like a villain’s origin story, doesn’t it?

When it started affecting my performance, i could only think the trouble was that i was pining for a married professor, as you do. I had fallen in love with him, and made myself his best student (and then his TA, and then began to feel gross about it, quit, and started avoiding where i knew he’d be, all without telling anyone). Once my decline became known and answers were demanded, this was all i could offer in explanation.

I didn’t blame anyone consciously then, but i think now i felt betrayed by how my friends and family reacted. They all thought i must have seduced him (or vice versa if they were generous) to be so torn up. It was too foolish to become suicidal over a crush. They didn’t believe me, or accused me of grandiosity, when i said the professor didn’t even know how i felt. I have always struggled to keep in touch with people, and once my oldest friends gave me the Adultery is Bad talk, it was hard to keep trying.

Everyone did their best and we were all very young. I didn’t understand any more than they did. But still, i can acknowledge now what it would have meant to have just one person who believed in me regardless of understanding. On a deeply hidden level, i felt that my mother, at least, owed me that, after years of faithful service.

But horribly, once it became clear my suicidality was almost entirely passive, she turned on me. She was very frightened. I guess she had also been thanking her lucky stars all that time that i wasn’t turning out like my dad, but here i revealed myself at last to be a freeloader, just like him. I was supposed to go to medical school. I had been the pride of the extended family, the eldest and purest of my generation, a marvel of the local intelligentsia, and i wound up dragging myself back home inept, directionless, cringing, the same as so many unfortunate young cousins and neighbors who’d used to have me pointed out to them as an example. Who would my brothers look up to now?

I endured living at home for a few years. My mom couldn’t keep up the punishment constantly, so although there was no telling when she would start in on me again, or whether she might finally go through with evicting me, there were beautiful things too.

I worked for her husband’s business for no pay, which i understand now was abusive, but i have always enjoyed working with my hands, and when they left me to it, it felt like the old days, like i had a use, even if it was now peripheral. My brothers weren’t sure what to do with me, but we still had fun when we could. The animals comforted me, and it’s special to be able to give affection and gentleness to a creature who depends on you. The woods and mists and early mornings and silent moonlights were still beautiful, and gradually i could appreciate them again. When i was with people, i felt my disgrace abjectly. But on the farm there were many chores to be done alone.

The more i recovered, the more trapped i felt. I even, very alarmingly, spent about two hours one afternoon silently consumed with resentful feelings towards my mother (this hadn’t happened since i was 10). I began to be afraid of losing control and doing something desperate (I totaled two different trucks during this time, on roads i knew well, for no apparent reason). I had given up my spot at a medical school i would not get into twice, and the obvious escape was to reapply elsewhere. I attempted this, and sabotaged it, multiple times.

I got a job at a nursing home, which was hard on my back but full of wonderful people, and was forced to quit when it made me late to my shift at my stepfather’s business too many times. By this i understood that a local job was not getting me out of there. I asked for money to get an EMT certification and was refused. I applied to many online jobs, none of which i had enough time to make money from. I called up one or two branches of the military, and was rejected for being too fat, thank God. I applied to medical school again, and managed to not sabotage it enough that i was accepted into a master’s program instead. It was across the state, five hundred miles away.

And still it might have come to nothing, as i had no conscious plans, actually, of staying away once i was done with this master’s program. The expected thing would be to go on to medical school, but i was only anticipating the first day of being free and couldn’t imagine anything more than a week in the future. I looked at the amount of debt i was taking on for this, knowing in my heart that i would not get a job that could pay it back, and was only relieved that they hadn’t caught onto me and i could still get loans.

There are a lot of things in my story that aren’t what they say is healthy or proper. I shouldn’t have romanticized my own parentification, i should not have had feelings for a 50 year old man, i should have kept trying with my friends, who have good hearts and only made one mistake before i ghosted them, i should have kept telling the truth, i shouldn’t have taken moral injury from things that weren’t my fault, i should have been properly angry with my mother at some point, i should not be grateful that my tendency is to harm myself rather than others.

One person alone should not have been able to save me.

In the second month of my year away, i was in a study group with my roommates and some of their acquaintances, and i laughingly shared some anecdote or other that i thought was harmless. I don’t remember whether anyone else laughed, but one person said: “That sounds kind of fucked up.”

“Oh,” I said, embarrassed. “Eh, well.”

Nothing more was made of it, and we went on studying. Later, this same person saw me sitting in the cafeteria alone and came to sit with me. We met to study again, just us two, and they showed me a video about white tears and watched me closely for my reaction. We compared ideals and found them the same. We came up with a project to collectivize flashcard-making for our class and had to meet frequently to carry it out. “We’re colleagues,” my new friend said, firmly, when people asked if we were together. We discovered ethical problems with the program and protested them, formally and informally. We were accused of being too insular. We talked about our families, and they said things like: “That’s not okay, you realize that, right” and “I think if more people loved the way you do, I’d have a reason to smile in the morning.” It became normal for my eyes to be sore from crying.

Neither of us got into medical school that year. We got an apartment together after graduation, and worked together too until i was fired (I was new to challenging authority and not very subtle in my distaste for our bosses). My friend’s parents wanted them to quit too, to come home while they reapplied, but they said: “Not without Autumn.” So after some negotiating, we went to live with their folks for a while…

We’ve been together for 5 years now. At first I did the same as I’d always done, but my partner made it clear they don’t want self-abnegation from me. I started trying to have boundaries, paradoxically, to make them happy. I’ve dipped into therapy as money allows. I’ve been reading and thinking and writing. Above all, I’ve been loved.

And all this time, I’ve still been deeply ashamed. I’ve spent the last ten years in some degree of emotional pain 24/7. But somehow, two weeks ago, another thing happened that shouldn’t, and i suddenly knew that i was a human being like any other.

I still feel that I should have died when I was 20, but now it’s in the sense that people say, “You shouldn’t have survived that! What a miracle!” Still existing feels like a bonus. I might live a long time from now and i might not. Either way, I’m incredibly lucky to turn my face to the world and know that i am a creature in it, like other creatures. I am well. It’s good that I’m alive.