#she ends up becoming very close with nina and jack

[apollos-boyfriend]

Currently in cinema class but i also wanted to know more about clockwork, she seems very interesting in what you wrote her relations as! (And shes been a favorite of mine for a long time lol)

Also once tim convinces her to take the infection george clock out of her eye socket, what do you think she'd do with it?

i’ve made a FEW posts about my version of clockwork [1] [2] [3] but there is never enough to talk about with her. she’s become a very central character which i think is fun bc i was never Too too much into her back in the day! finally giving her the attention she deserves

i have her as being one of, if not the, last people to arrive at the mansion, so by the time she gets there, everyone’s had a while to calm down and get to know each other. and natalie doesn’t arrive in the best state, having only been about a week after the events of her origin. she’s just recently snapped and she’s scared and angry and hostile. and her arrival is a different vibe than most, because for a lot of them, their origins weren’t personal. not to her extent.

jeff killed his family, but he was so pumped with pain meds he can hardly remember it. their deaths weren’t personal, he would’ve killed anyone around him at the time. nina’s origin was similar, with the exception of her bullies, who she doesn’t even think about anymore. theirs were Necessities. jack has no memories of his life before the incident, and his initial struggles were more with what he’d become than what he’d done. ben’s arrival is the closest, as he was struggling heavily with having his own body and autonomy again, but he leaned more heavily on needing control than anything else.

but natalie’s still so hurt and still so angry. she felt better for a short while directly after her incident, but that rush had left her by the time slender took her in. she’d taken care of the people who’d hurt her. she couldn’t understand why she still felt so helpless, so hurt. she lashes out and projects her unresolved issues onto the other residents—her medical trauma onto jack, her brotherly trauma onto jeff/ben and sally/nina. she never got the proper conclusion/resolution she thought she would by killing her family, so she attempts to find that in the mansion, which manifests in her lashing out. i said it somewhere before but she’s more just a scared animal. she doesn’t know why she bites, necessarily, just that she’s always had to to survive. her backstory just works really well with the other members and out of anyone i think she’s the one that needs the most healing TBH

as for what happens to her watch, i haven’t actually thought about it! i think the most logical and narratively rewarding solution would be for her to throw it away. to fully leave behind that aspect of her life and start anew, no longer fueled by anger and the need for revenge. but i think she doesn’t get there instantly. the mansion’s full of fucked-up keepsakes (jeff has a knife collection from victim’s houses, jack has his handful of preserved organs, etc) so it isn’t seen as weird for her to keep it. it makes sense, it’s sentimental, after all. i think she gets nina’s help and makes a necklace out of it (after jack thoroughly disinfects the thing. like by god girl) until she heals enough to fully leave that time behind her

[multifandoms27-blog]

I tend to never be satisfied with my potrayal of Jeff. I'm going to try to nail it down today though.

Content: Jeff the killer HC's

Warnings: Bullying behavior (cyberbullying), toxic behavior, psychotic episodes, impulsivity, aggression, obsessive behavior

Notes: Inspired by my Toby list and my EJ list, and the song Tear You Apart by She Wants Revenge. This one is probably my longest one.

• ───────────────── •

(Art by kawacy on DeviantArt)

❥General

Okay, we should all know the drill by now. Jeff is psychotic, often hurting and humiliating others for his own entertainment. He's the biggest bully in the mansion.

When you join, he will immediately target you. He'll make fun of your appearance, try to cut you or burn you so he can get a sick laugh (normally when he's in an episode)

Why would you ever want to be anything more than acquaintances with him? He doesn't seem trustworthy at all, and he'll likely spill you secrets to BEN, who will then tell everybody online.

He's constantly getting into fights to prove to the others that he's "top dog," and that he isn't scared of anybody. Ironically enough, the only one he doesn't really try is Eyeless Jack. Motherfucker could eat him in like, two bites, so I understand.

Honestly, as much as he bullies you, you will never be as much of a target as Jane is for him. Which is good, that's a good thing.

When he isn't in his psychotic episodes, he'll still be very snarky, but he won't be going around and getting into people's faces anymore. It's during his calmer moments when you'll be able to start befriending him.

• ───────────────── •

❥Romantic

Jeff won't really be receptive to you trying to befriend him for a while. He knows how he treated you, he knows who you are. He doesn't care about you, but he'll stick around while you talk to him about whatever. He's just kinda shocked that you've decided to try to get close to him of all creeps. But he'll come off as indifferent.

Don't trust him with your secrets right away. Even if he's not in an episode, he's still going to tell BEN everything.

Just making an effort to talk to him though, not really attempting to get to know him, will start to make him interested. You know who he is, yet you're not...interested in him? His past or why he looks like this? At all?

That was new for him, considering Jane, Liu, Nina, BEN and Slenderman. In fact, he thinks about it so much that he'll begin to obsess about you when he goes back into a violent episode. He'll rip you away from anyone you're with - if it's not a creep, he's killing them on the spot - and will try to force you into his room.

He'll want to talk to you for hours on end, about you. He wants to know you. Why aren't you interested in his past? What was your past? Why are you here?

He goes from not caring about you, to caring about you way too much. Anything negative he's told BEN, he'll go to him and threaten him to take it off the internet, completely scrub it. BEN is confused, but he does it.

Jeff will use that as evidence to him being good to you. He won't admit that he wants your approval, but its pretty obvious.

He begins to spend less time with BEN and more time with you. He wakes up before you? He's pounding on your bedroom door until you open it so you can be up with him. You want to play a game with another creep? He's either watching or forcing his way into the game.

This guy will eventually try to spend every waking moment with you

He goes from not wanting to be around you to becoming OBSESSED

He wants to know everything about you, but he wants you to tell him when you're alone with him. Others don't deserve to know things about you, especially BEN.

This would be around the time he begins to develop feelings. Now, he's still in an episode, so he'll be impulsive with it. It doesn't matter how long you guys have been friends, he wants you and he's going to have you.

He'll pound on your door and when you open it, he'll kiss you on the lips. No prior notice as to how he feels about you, no warning about the kiss, nothing.

You think he's messing with you and you shut the door in his face. He angrily pounds on your door again until someone else comes to take him away.

He thought that was you rejecting him and he went back to hating you. He told BEN a shit ton of things you told him in confidence and you sobbed as you saw gossip about yourself online, along with rumors that weren't true.

Jeff made you out to be the mansion whore, sleeping with anyone for anything - benefits, food, clothes, whatever. It didn't have to make sense for it to spread.

Your other creepypasta friends came to your aid, which irked Jeff even more. Especially your guy friends

It wasn't until he heard you tell Toby about your feelings for him that he realized how much damage he had caused

This whole time he thought you didn't like him...oh, he fucked up

He takes to the internet to debunk the rumors and fight anyone who kept up with them. He once again told BEN to scrub any evidence, leaving the boy confused.

Jeff will come to your aid, but his heart clenches when he realizes that you don't trust him anymore.

He begs and begs for forgiveness, and finally you give it to him so he'll shut up

He's back to following you around like a puppy, and his feelings resurface. He's not in an episode now, and he wants to handle this delicately

His way of doing it delicately is by...giving you one-liners. Yep.

He'll stalk you on your social medias and check out every account you follow, and get jealous if you follow another guy. He's not even in a relationship with you yet!

Finally, he asks you out while you two were playing a game. You had to pause it to look at him and see if he was even serious

So, the two of you start going out. He goes full blown crazy boyfriend

He forces you to move into his room pretty soon, and he keeps tabs on everything you do

He's super paranoid you'll cheat on him, so he's always hanging around in the mansion. You'll never be alone with your friends again now that you're with him.

You don't dare fight him on it, he's the most unstable one and can be super aggressive at the drop of a hat

Probably installs a tracker on your phone so he can monitor where you go and when you leave the mansion if he can't be there for whatever reason

Knife fights anyone who brings up his past behavior or the rumors from before about you, and always wins. He uses this to get praise from you

He wouldn't trade you for the world - you are his world, and he'll make sure everybody knows it. You will never know peace again, even if you manage to run away from him, leaving a breakup letter behind.

You're stuck with him.

• ───────────────── •

Here is my Masterlist in case you want to request, or look for more of your favorite character!

[toasttt11]

random facts

Vera Is 5”8 and has always been extremely tall and was lucky when her skating partner was always taller than her.

Vera literally hates anything to do with heels and would rather walk barefoot that wear heels, mostly gets away with platform converse.

Vera has always been obsessed with converse and quite literally has hundreds of pairs and so many custom pairs, everyone who is her friends or family her has got her pair of converse as a present.

Nico got her two doberman puppy’s in 2019 who she names Ares and Apollo and she’s trained them in swiss-german and they are very protective around her.

Ares and Apollo use to enjoy Fredrick company but the longer they knew him the more they barely tolerated his company especially around their mother.

Ares and Apollo absolutely adore Jack. They get very excited when Jack comes over and Jack loves the two just as much always bringing toys and treats for them and he loves to join Vera when she takes them on walks or hikes.

Nico and Vera tend to talk in their native language around each other and Jack has picked up quite a lot over the last few years, and Nico got him a book to teach Jack the language and Jack speaks it very well.

Vera is an amazing cook and Nico and Jack are always excited when she cooks for them.

Vera and Alexandra both so busy in their careers don’t always get to see each other a lot and usally are in different time zones so they make sure to facetime each other at least once a week.

Vera made Nina the leader of designs for her company and Vera could tell how much Nina enjoys that position being able to design clothes for a living, Nina is Vera’s favorite person to make her costumes for competition.

When Luke moves in with Jack it’s a little while after Vera moved in as well and they become great friends having only met a few times and Luke and Vera definitely blend personalities very well and Luke enjoys having found a sister figure in Vera. Jack adores the relationship between his little brother and Vera.

Quinn and Vera have met a few more times and have quickly become good friends as well, they do tend to text quite often and Quinn enjoys her company.

Vera met Trevor when she moved to California the same year he got drafted and he went to one of her competitions and they became really good friends, Trevor’s nature sunshine personality brings the more sunshine personality out of Vera, and they met Jamie together and they became really really good friends.

When Vera found out Jack enjoyed reading she was so happy that someone she knows love reading too, Vera started giving Jack books she has read and annotated for him to read and Jack started annotating his books as well and giving them to her to read and then when they were done with the others book reading and annotated they gave them back to each other.

Vera favorite color has always been green, loving any shade of it and if she had it her way, ever costume she performed in would be something green.

Ellen simply adores Vera secretly hoping Jack and Vera will get together on day wanting Vera to be in the family permanently, Ellen loves having another girl around more and finally having something close to a daughter.

Vera has always loved driving and when she’s with Jack she is always the one driving, one because Jack knows she loves to drive and two he doesn’t really enjoy driving, he likes being the one in passenger seat.

Fredrick and Vera were best friends and skating partners for eight years and while she doesn’t miss what their relationship ended up being like there are days where she misses her best friend, but the best friend she misses has disappeared and turned into someone she doesn’t even recognize.

Nico picked number 13 as his number because it’s the day his favorite sibling was born and he wanted to always have her with him especially since she use to skate with the number 4 for his birthday as well, and when she stopped skating and she started her own business she named it fyra which is four in sweden in honor of her brother.

Vera doesn’t truly seem like a big physical touch person but the second she trusts you she is the biggest cuddle bug ever, especially when she is tired she is extremely cuddly.

Vera is very athletic and tries to play as many sports for fun as she can, it’s one of the reason she enjoys the Hughes lake house so much because all the Hughes love to play so many different sports.

[necroromantics]

X virus uhh uhh uhhh ye. Basic hcs of how he acts w different creeps?

🧪 — The X-Virus + Creeps

shit kid. poison tongue.

- cody is an asocial freak. he spends his days picking out homeless or addict victims, people who wont be missed, and would rather run experiments on them than make friends.

- cody wont actively seek out interaction with other creeps, and sometimes will purposely avoid them. they just get in the way in the end.

- that being said though, he does have a few notable connections. most of which were brought to him by fate

- ticci toby. cody grew up as an only child, he never had the opportunity to experience what its like to have a brother. but he saw himself and his past so heavily etched into this other boy. the two clicked very well, like two birds of a feather. due to their jobs, they very rarely actually had opportunities to see each other, but when fate brought the two back, it was like there was never any time between them.

- they both understand what its like to be a proxy, even if cody doesn’t quite know the extent toby has gone. but they’re both killers, they’re both damned. and they spend their time together messing around in the forest, or tormenting people, or stealing candy from corner stores. they both have the same sense of humour, and they like similar things.

- in a twisted way, cody looks up to his senior and toby would slowly begin to warm up to the idea of a little brother figure. some moments, when they’re hanging out in a dark, empty park after a job, they almost seem normal. two friends having fun, doing as the young do. just two kids who made a couple of reckless mistakes.

- eyeless jack. cody knows jack through toby. and while the beast is the creeps designated medic, he definitely doesn’t help just anyone. and cody is far too confident in his abilities to seek any help from the demon. so the two’s relationship doesn’t extend further than trade of chemicals and medicine, or casual encounters in the forest.

- they don’t necessarily get along badly, but they don’t have a deep connection by any means. jack sees cody as a reckless, selfish kid, just as he does with toby. and cody sees jack as a too-quiet, ominous being who he’d like to pressure into doing experiments on someday.

- nurse ann. if cody really needs medical assistance, he will visit ann. cody has major mommy issues, and theres that part in him that’d never admit he clings to her a bit to fill that void.

- ann looks out for cody, in a scolding type of way. she isn’t interested in having some kid with an attitude make a mess of her practice. but she is definitely curious about his experiments, especially the ones he does on corpses.

- “what did you do this time, little rabbit?” “man this tweaker bit me”

- nina the killer. definitely a fun time between the two. they have each others numbers. theyre both scene/emo kids at heart, and they share the same music taste so they’ll hangout together and blast get scared or ghost town together.

- nina doesn’t kill, shes only jeff’s accomplice, so cody and her will just spend their time together tormenting random homeless folk or old people on the street. and if you throw toby into the equation, the whole town will become these kids victim for the night.

- kate the chaser. he probably first found her holed up in an abandoned hospital room, scavenging for medical supplies. his initial reaction was “oh shit-“

- kate and cody are close. not as bonded as him and toby, but god knows these two have been around the block. they smoke together, and kate will sometimes just say fuck it and do research chemicals with him.

- they have a chill friendship. nothing deep or emotionally charged, but something to fall back on, because having allies is better than making enemies in this world

[foamingatthemouthhh]

Okay!!

Quick rundown of some of my au’s relationships with the help of @crushedsweets ‘s chart !

I lowkey thought I posted this a week ago but apparently I didn’t -

I’ll write it all down here so it’s a little simpler to understand { I won’t be writing about how EVERYONE feels about one another just the ones that are more prominent, although if anyone is interested about specifics ask away 🤍

{ also POLYCULE HAHA Nina , Jack , Toby, Natalie, Kate and who knows I might add mooooreee }

Some of these descriptions are pretty rough and I also didn’t do everyone because that’s too much work- but if there’s anyone in particular you want to know more about let me knowww

Also- I ramble , apologies 😔

Toby - Nina | Toby and Nina become very close, best friends, and eventually lovers 🤍

Toby - Natalie | ‘Ex’s , good friends | before he meets Nina they meet and become pretty good friends, they start a little thing where they’re on and off again { they never actually

’Date’ } but Toby’s bipolar behavior and difficulties with himself and relationships gets in the way, he ends up in a fight with Natalie and they don’t talk for a week.. she finds him waiting outside of Nina’s job for her to get off of work.. she decides she can’t avoid it any longer

Natalie sits down beside him and before he can speak she tells him that They aren’t going to work out,, she tells him she cares deeply for him but they can’t go on like this.. Toby knows this and it hurts but with a small kiss to his forehead Natalie is gone.. their relationship is rocky after that, Toby still loves her deeply but learns to love her as a good friend. They’re good friends now.

Toby - Benjamin | used to be best friends, Ben crushes heavily on Toby even in his death, his crush is unrequited and he never got to confess in his life.. Toby eventually starts to forget Ben, he’s always in the back of his mind but he learns to find new friendships. In death Ben gravels heavily with hating Toby for not saving him, he knows in a sense there wasn’t anything he could do.. Toby carries the guilt of not saving his first friend..

Toby - Tim & Brian | Close, found family in a sense, Toby currently lives with the two men in an old farm house. The two men found Toby at his lowest point { on the run, lost Ben, off his med’s } Tim was reluctant at first and a little snappy towards Toby, they had a little feud for a bit and at the beginning Toby warmed up to Brian more.. but eventually the more time they spent together the three of them grew close and were like mentors to Toby.

Toby - Jack | acquaintance’s pretty much , friends in a sense… also Toby has a massive crush on him LOL | Toby & Jack met through Nina, Toby was pretty weary of Jack first,, he’d never seen a creature like him outside of his delusions.. they don’t say much till Toby meets up at Jack’s place in search for Nina and surprise surprise he comes face to face with a mask less Jack- boom Bi awakening LOL- Jack has no idea and finds it funny how flustered and nervous Toby will get when he seems Jack without his mask, he just chalks it up to Toby being more nervous and,, afraid ? In a sense and teases him a bit- The guy is clueless to Nina’s crush as well LOL

Toby - Jeff | when I tell you Toby fucking despises Jeff’s guts that’s almost an understatement, It takes a long time for Nina to come clean about Jeff only mentioning him in bits and pieces until one day after a pretty bad episode she spills her heart out to Toby about him and well- it’s on sight LOL

Nina - Jeff | okay so- there’s a lot when it comes to Nina and Jeff’s story but I’ll try and bubble this down to something a little simpler..

Nina and Jeff are extremely complicated, I’ll get one thing out of the way Nina never *Loved* Jeff.. she liked him when she first met him. She found him interesting, he was like her! Alternative,, liked morbid things, was interested in similar music.. except- he also wasn’t like her,, she didn’t know his dark thoughts, the way he sabotaged the poor girl.. changed her, morphed her,, she was naive, begged for his attention, and unbeknownst to her.. would do anything he said. He manipulated her whilst lapping up her praise and attention..

Then he broke her, he exposed his dark and disturbing thoughts of gore and horror.. had her do everything he said, had her eating out of the palm of his hand.. then destroyed her,, abandoned her, left her scrambling to pick up the pieces..

But then he found her again, lured the girl in and took off with her again.

He was all she had now so,, what choice did she have?

But then he abandoned her again, left her shattered again.. just like before she’d done everything he said, cleaned up his messes and kept the cops off of their asses and yet- he’d grown bored..

Nina hates him yet he still has his hooks within her,, morphing her thoughts and feelings even if he isn’t there, Jeff doesn’t hate Nina.. being without her he realizes how much his ego thrived off of hers - it’s complicated

Nina - Liu | Nina and Liu only knew each other briefly before Jeff cracked, occasionally they’d see one another at school or Jeff’s house and they’d share brief conversations before Jeff was pulling her away.. they briefly saw each other at the hospital that *Night* , let’s just say Liu was horrified when he saw that brief glimpse of Nina on the gurney screaming her heart out for her mommy..

Liu didn’t have the guts to see Nina when she was awake in the hospital feeling for some reason it was his fault for what happened to her,, but before he left the hospital he left her a letter and that one letter morphed into many between the two for the next two years when Nina was institutionalized.

They grew close over those letters yet they never actually saw one another, to see what Jeff had done to them would break the illusion Liu wasn’t that sweet little boy anymore.. that Nina was no longer that naive girl who chose the wrong boy to hang out with.. but then the letters stopped and Liu finally went to the institute to see her.. but she was gone.. doctors said she disappeared in the middle of the night..

They don’t see each other again until years later, and it’s not by coincidence.

Nina - Jane | Nina & Jane didn’t talk in school they hardly knew each other,, it was only when Nina began to hang out with Jeff that Jane began to dislike her, not for her per say but for the guy she hung out with- to later find out after what happened to Nina that she ended up leaving again with Jeff it angered her.. when she finds Nina again it’s many years later and she is quick to spill her anger onto Nina only to realize Nina has changed significantly.. she had stayed with Jeff for some time,, but after he’d ditched her Nina eventually came to her senses.. Nina & Jane’s relationship is complicated and severely rocky,,

Sally & Slenderman | Sally’s spirit is very old, she’s hateful and angry and Slenderman can feel it.. he is fascinated by this girl, especially her lack of fear when she comes face to face with such an ancient being.. horrific he may be she’s met monsters worse then him.. they are like two magnets drifting towards each other, protecting one another.. Slender admires her fury and passion, Sally knows In her own way he won’t hurt her and well he’s the only person who’s truly kind to her. Who accepts her anger and fury. { father daughter dynamic, they’re both protective of one another and not seen far from each others presence.. if they are Sally is often found drifting in and out of slenders territory }

Helen + Liu | Helen and Liu met when Liu went back to school { after dropping out of medical school } they spotted each other around campus the first few weeks but never spoke much, until Liu had forgotten something in one of his classes and he went back to retrieve it only to find Helen sitting in one of the large painting studio’s.. alone.

He was captivated by his use of red on the canvas, the different shades and depths he managed for get.

The conversation was awkward, mostly on Liu’s part.. Liu didn’t talk much, socializing only when it was necessary. He was quiet, reserved, heavily anti-social.. Helen was calm, collected, observant,, he sounded uninterested in Liu’s murmurs of praise for his work.

Till he got one good look at Liu and he was hooked.

Their relationship is,, weird, Liu knows something’s wrong with Helen. The little comments he makes, his grotesque yet beautiful paintings, his odd interest in dark themes of art and work,,

Helen also knows there’s something about Liu that he refuses to reveal to Helen, and it fucking fascinates him.. he knows within Liu there’s something dark there, stirring within him and Liu wants to find it..

Idk if I’d call it toxic ?? I only have a little bit of their dynamic written out

Nina - Natalie | omg besties 🤍 Lol No but they are pretty close, Nina had seen Natalie around town but only really got close to her when Toby & Natalie became friends.. she always admired the way Natalie held herself up and didn’t take shit from anyone.

Natalie found Nina annoying at first but getting to know her better and eventually hearing her story over a few drinks she understood Nina much better..

She related to the girl in her own way and from then on she wasn’t so harsh on the girl, looking out for her when others wouldn’t.. allowing her to crash at her place when she couldn’t stomach being alone.. taking her out to lunch and picking her up from work occasionally.. safe to say Nina was quick to swoon for the girl. Natalie thinks she might have a small crush on Nina as well but prefers to keep things,, unlabeled? She likes the way things are and is also not good when it comes to something serious.. Nina doesn’t mind.

[evita-shelby]

They didn't know we were seeds

Chapter 13

Cw: casual mentions and descriptions of death, crime and og!Jack’s breeding kink

Rose belongs to @justrainandcoffee as well as the fortune cookie subplot, Nina Ferrante belongs to @peakyswritings

I moved Johanna's games up because she won game 71 in canon

@emotionalcadaver @call-sign-shark

The games begin and end the way they always do: horrifically.

Jack’s tributes were terrifying to behold, the boy, Pullo, had been less vicious than Eleni who had decapitated the boy from 4 with frightening ease. They had been the Capitol’s favorite, just like Laurie had been, but something had told him that Ellie wouldn’t be coming home.

Annie Cresta had run and hidden herself just like Eva had done, she had been sweet and kind despite being trained for the games like any career. Jack’s intuition had been proven right when the dam burst and drowned everyone in a matter of minutes.

Annie could hold her breath for more than six minutes, something the other children had timed when she went up against Finnick for the record. Those six minutes had allowed her enough time to get her head above the water until she was the last one alive.

Now the Capitol doctors tried their best to soothe her into compliance for her crowning ceremony so they can all go home. Gave them some time to lick their wounds and enjoy these last moments legally together.

“They call themselves husband and wife in private.” Eva strokes his arm as they spend their second to last night together.

The room is set to show the night sky in his district, particularly the view he has in his cabin where he dreams of taking her and Laurie. They chose this one because they feel safe in it.

They’ve gotten adventurous with it, pretended they were fucking in a busy street, a presidential ceremony, a beach and even the ruins of 13. Jack’s got half a mind of letting the Capitol take a tour of his cabin so they can pretend they are inside his room next time.

“Maybe once Evert is out of the way and this over, we’ll have a double wedding.” He cradled her face and considered taking a page out of their book and doing the same.

Eva Nelson had a nice ring to it. A very legal way to show the world that she’s his and only his. A shame they can’t do it like that, if they got married it wouldn’t be a real marriage to the law.

“Iacobus Smith sounds nice too.” She teases in between kisses. She knows he dislikes his birth name for how pretentious it sounds, teases him about it.

“If I could change my name to Jack I could, sweetheart, but you’ll be Eva Nelson, my darling wife and mother to my children.” The blue-eyed victor is too turned on by the mere idea of having her forever that he makes his argument impossible to refute.

Seeing her pregnant and with Laurie did things to him. The love bites weren’t cutting it anymore, he wanted to claim her even if no one else but they knew about. A shame it was too soon to give Laurie a sibling.

“Can’t say yes if you haven’t even asked me yet, Jack.” His lover points out pulling his face back to hers instead of letting him continue his way down.

“Fine," he laughs, "Will you marry me? No fuss, no papers, just me and you and Laurie at home or here if you want.” There will be better proposals than this one, he knows, grand things where the bride to be is even filmed to immortalize it, but this one is perfect even if it’s under a fake sky inside their gilded cage.

“Wouldn’t have it any other way.” She’s been chosen to model some wedding dresses for Rose Evert as they’d become quite close now that the rebels needed Eva to get them Luca’s former allies on side. One of them had a daughter getting married soon and what better way than a Rose Original for her special day.

Eva had looked stunning in all of them, he’d marry her in a potato sack if he could and he told her so.

They marry in September on his birthday, in a wedding dress Rose gave her because it can pass for a white evening gown and the black suit he wears for special occasions. Just the three of them alone in their picturesque farm where the Capitol cannot touch them.

Eva wonders if all the new brides hosting their mother-in-law for the first time feel as nervous as her.

She’d be meeting the ginger haired woman for the second time in her life, the first had been the Victory Tour she was too drunk to remember. But that doesn’t count, this was their real first meeting.

The dark-haired woman has tried to go all out but still making it look natural, much like the first time Jack came. Laurie is freshly bathed and put in a new diaper, the dog has been bathed as well, the entire house has been scrubbed clean and she bought new throw pillows to boot.

She’s dressed in her nicest pair of jeans and a shirt loose enough to allow her to nurse Laurie when he’s hungry later. The guest room has been redecorated somewhat, there’s some things laid out in case Gina is allowed to join them and Eva has tried her best to remind herself that just because Atia Nelson hates her now it doesn’t mean it will be forever.

Jack grins broadly when he finds her waiting on the porch with Laurie on her hip. His mother looks apprehensive, as they did when they first started coming here. But there is no abject loathing in her face, so Eva counts that as a win.

“Ma, I want you to meet my wife, Eva, and our son, Laurie.” He says as they stand on the porch having no idea what to say.

“My, I didn’t think you were this serious, Jack.” Atia Nelson says and even manages to smile. “But I did say I wouldn’t fight you on this if it was what you wanted. I see time has been good to you, Eva.”

“They say time heals all wounds.” The victor smiles back and welcomes her into their home. “For the record, I never intended to live after taking his life,” she adds when Jack’s out of earshot.

“I know, Jack told me. For what it’s worth, I am glad you lived. I have never seen him as happy as he is with you.” Atia admits with a bittersweet tone.

Eva’s first time hosting her mother-in-law is the strangest success she has ever had.

While they are somewhat happy for the mentor who’s victor wins, it is annoying to know he cannot have a legal reason to visit 10 or Eva visit 2. But Nina Ferrante had lived and gets to go home now at least.

He can no longer disappear for too long after these recent string of loses have the Academies train the children harder. Gina had begged and pleaded for him to mentor her and he had accepted only to keep her from adopting the mindset he had been raised on.

But Shelby had given him an idea.

Gangs like the Peaky Blinders existed everywhere, one just had to know where to look. Jack would be lying if he said he had never been involved in the one controlling his neighborhood.

He loved picking fights, he had a knack for getting away with everything and now as a victor he was untouchable.

Though this time it wouldn’t be drugs or booze or anything stolen from its way into the Capitol. This time it would be weapons and even men the rebels needed.

There was one caveat, he had no way of knowing where to send it.

Eva had friends from her time as Luca’s pet and knew Tigris Snow well enough to acquire things through her. Clemens Whimsiwick , her escort and dairy factory heir,was connected too, those drugs of his came from somewhere besides Eva’s garden.

Lyme had to know something.

“Don’t bite off more than you can chew.” The blonde warned when he tried to segue into it.

“You forget I used to steal shit and pick fights for the thrill of it, I know what I’m doing.” He reminds her.

His record had been swiped clean after he volunteered. It was a not so secret accord between the mayor and those running the juvenile courts. Lowered the population of prisons and the crime rate if the more uncontrollable teenagers were made fodder for the Capitol.

Johanna Mason, the victor from the 69th games had been reaped because 7 had a similar arrangement for the children of those who fought back. Her family had died before she even came back and now the Capitol would pay for it.

“Isn’t playing house with your girl not enough for you anymore?” Lyme threw back thinking he doesn’t know he is already up to his chest in crimes.

“Shelby made his network by controlling the underworld, Luca too. What makes you think we can’t pull that off here too? They hate the Capitol as much as we do, it would give the rebels an inroad they can expand on when the time is right.” The victor continues trying to get her on board with it.

She doesn’t have to know he already has a missing shipment of weapons and three deserters to carry them to wherever the hell rebels go.

They say district 13 still exists miles north of 12, but they need real proof so they know Jack isn’t ambushing them.

“Fine, but I will not help you with that. You don’t fuck around with the gangs and the peacekeepers if you want to live a long life, Jack.” She relents and tells him the biggest secret of all: the deal District 13 made with Maximus Ravenstill seventy-one years ago.

The fortune cookies Alfie Solomons presents him with as a joke reveal things even the baker himself didn’t know.

The guns and the men had made it to 13. Their contacts in 2 would help him coordinate the next shipment.

“Evie, sweetheart, can you teach me how to bake these?” Jack can’t risk Eva knowing about this, not until its safe enough to include her. 13 will want food too soon enough.

[theomnilegent]

2022 Upcoming Sapphic Fiction I’m Excited For!

Here are nine of my most anticipated women-led LGBTQIA fiction this year! There’s plenty of variety to go around and a lot of mystery, intrigue, and drama! From Casey McQuiston’s first foray into YA fiction to Nina LaCour’s first foray into adult fiction, there’s something for everyone on this list!

Below you’ll find titles, summaries and goodreads links to these books. Sapphic romance is something that’s near and dear to my heart and I’m so excited for these stories. Last year we had some absolutely brilliant books come out, and it seems the world is finally ready for bigger and better things when it comes to lesbian and bisexual fiction!

Home Field Advantage by Dahlia Adler Amber McCloud’s dream is to become cheer captain at the end of the year, but it’s an extra-tall order to be joyful and spirited when the quarterback of your team has been killed in a car accident. For both the team and the squad, watching Robbie get replaced by newcomer Jack Walsh is brutal. And when it turns out Jack is actually short for Jaclyn, all hell breaks loose. The players refuse to be led by a girl, the cheerleaders are mad about the changes to their traditions, and the fact that Robbie’s been not only replaced but outshined by a QB who wears a sports bra has more than a few Atherton Alligators in a rage. Amber tries for some semblance of unity, but it quickly becomes clear that she's only got a future on the squad and with her friends if she helps them take Jack down. Just one problem: Amber and Jack are falling for each other, and if Amber can't stand up for Jack and figure out how to get everyone to fall in line, her dream may come at the cost of her heart.

The Lesbiana’s Guide To Catholic School by Sonora Reyes Seventeen-year-old Yamilet Flores prefers drawing attention for her killer eyeliner, not for being the new kid at a mostly white, very rich, Catholic school. But at least here no one knows she's gay, and Yami intends to keep it that way. After being outed by her crush and ex-best friend, she could use the fresh start. At Slayton Catholic, Yami has new priorities: make her mom proud, keep her brother out of trouble, and most importantly, don't fall in love. Granted, she's never been great at any of those things, but that’s a problem for Future Yami. The thing is, it’s hard to fake being straight when Bo, the only openly queer girl at school, is so annoyingly perfect. And talented. And confident. And cute. So cute. Yami isn't sure if she likes Bo or if she's just jealous of her unapologetic nature. Either way, she isn't ready to make the same mistake again. If word got to her mom, she could face a lot worse than rejection.  So she’ll have to start asking, WWSGD: What would a straight girl do?

Epically Earnest by Molly Horan Jane Grady’s claim to fame is that she was one first viral internet sensations, dubbed #bagbaby—discovered as a one-year-old in an oversized Gucci bag by her adopted father in a Poughkeepsie train station. Now in her senior year of high school, Jane is questioning whether she wants to look for her bio family due to a loving, but deeply misguided push from her best friend Algie, while also navigating an all-consuming crush on his cousin, the beautiful, way-out-of-her-league Gwen Fairfax. And while Janey’s never thought of herself as the earnest type, she needs to be honest with her parents, Algie, Gwen, but mostly herself if she wants to make her life truly epic. With a wink toward Oscar Wilde’s beloved play, Epically Earnest explores the complexity of identity, the many forms family can take, and the importance of being . . . yourself.

I Kissed Shara Wheeler by Casey McQuiston Chloe Green is so close to winning. After her moms moved her from SoCal to Alabama for high school, she’s spent the past four years dodging gossipy classmates and a puritanical administration at Willowgrove Christian Academy. The thing that’s kept her going: winning valedictorian. Her only rival: prom queen Shara Wheeler, the principal’s perfect progeny. But a month before graduation, Shara kisses Chloe and vanishes. On a furious hunt for answers, Chloe discovers she’s not the only one Shara kissed. There’s also Smith, Shara’s longtime quarterback sweetheart, and Rory, Shara’s bad boy neighbor with a crush. The three have nothing in common except Shara and the annoyingly cryptic notes she left behind, but together they must untangle Shara’s trail of clues and find her. It’ll be worth it, if Chloe can drag Shara back before graduation to beat her fair-and-square. Thrown into an unlikely alliance, chasing a ghost through parties, break-ins, puzzles, and secrets revealed on monogrammed stationery, Chloe starts to suspect there might be more to this small town than she thought. And maybe—probably not, but maybe—more to Shara, too.

Delilah Green Doesn’t Care by Ashley Herring Blake Delilah Green swore she would never go back to Bright Falls—nothing is there for her but memories of a lonely childhood where she was little more than a burden to her cold and distant stepfamily. Her life is in New York, with her photography career finally gaining steam and her bed never empty. Sure, it’s a different woman every night, but that’s just fine with her. When Delilah’s estranged stepsister, Astrid, pressures her into photographing her wedding with a guilt trip and a five-figure check, Delilah finds herself back in the godforsaken town that she used to call home. She plans to breeze in and out, but then she sees Claire Sutherland, one of Astrid’s stuck-up besties, and decides that maybe there’s some fun (and a little retribution) to be had in Bright Falls, after all. Having raised her eleven-year-old daughter mostly on her own while dealing with her unreliable ex and running a bookstore, Claire Sutherland depends upon a life without surprises. And Delilah Green is an unwelcome surprise…at first. Though they’ve known each other for years, they don’t really know each other—so Claire is unsettled when Delilah figures out exactly what buttons to push. When they’re forced together during a gauntlet of wedding preparations—including a plot to save Astrid from her horrible fiancé—Claire isn’t sure she has the strength to resist Delilah’s charms. Even worse, she’s starting to think she doesn’t want to…

Ophelia After All by Racquel Marie Ophelia Rojas knows what she likes: her best friends, Cuban food, rose-gardening, and boys - way too many boys. Her friends and parents make fun of her endless stream of crushes, but Ophelia is a romantic at heart. She couldn't change, even if she wanted to. So when she finds herself thinking more about cute, quiet Talia Sanchez than the loss of a perfect prom with her ex-boyfriend, seeds of doubt take root in Ophelia's firm image of herself. Add to that the impending end of high school and the fracturing of her once-solid friend group, and things are spiraling a little out of control. But the course of love--and sexuality--never did run smooth. As her secrets begin to unravel, Ophelia must make a choice between clinging to the fantasy version of herself she's always imagined or upending everyone's expectations to rediscover who she really is, after all.

The Drowning Summer by Christine Lynn Herman Six years ago, three Long Island teenagers were murdered—their drowned bodies discovered with sand dollars placed over their eyes. The mystery of the drowning summer was never solved, but as far as the town’s concerned, Evelyn Mackenzie’s father did it. His charges were dropped only because Evelyn summoned a ghost to clear his name. She swore never to call a spirit again. She lied. For generations, the family of Mina Zanetti, a former friend of Evelyn, has worked as mediums, using the ocean’s power to guide the dead to their final resting place. But as sea levels rise, the ghosts grow more dangerous and Mina has been shut out of the family business. When Evelyn performs another summoning that goes horribly wrong, the two girls must navigate their growing attraction to each other while solving the mystery of who was really behind the drowning summer…before the line between life and death dissolves for good.

She Gets The Girl by Rachael Lippincott and Alyson Derrick Alex Blackwood is a little bit headstrong, with a dash of chaos and a whole lot of flirt. She knows how to get the girl. Keeping her on the other hand…not so much. Molly Parker has everything in her life totally in control, except for her complete awkwardness with just about anyone besides her mom. She knows she’s in love with the impossibly cool Cora Myers. She just…hasn’t actually talked to her yet. Alex and Molly don’t belong on the same planet, let alone the same college campus. But when Alex, fresh off a bad (but hopefully not permanent) breakup, discovers Molly’s hidden crush as their paths cross the night before classes start, they realize they might have a common interest after all. Because maybe if Alex volunteers to help Molly learn how to get her dream girl to fall for her, she can prove to her ex that she’s not a selfish flirt. That she’s ready for an actual commitment. And while Alex is the last person Molly would ever think she could trust, she can’t deny Alex knows what she’s doing with girls, unlike her. As the two embark on their five-step plans to get their girls to fall for them, though, they both begin to wonder if maybe they’re the ones falling…for each other.

Yerba Buena by Nina LaCour When Sara Foster runs away from home at sixteen, she leaves behind not only the losses that have shattered her world but the girl she once was, capable of trust and intimacy. Years later, in Los Angeles, she is a sought-after bartender, renowned as much for her brilliant cocktails as for the mystery that clings to her. Across the city, Emilie Dubois is in a holding pattern. In her seventh year and fifth major as an undergraduate, she yearns for the beauty and community her Creole grandparents cultivated but is unable to commit. On a whim, she takes a job arranging flowers at the glamorous restaurant Yerba Buena and embarks on an affair with the married owner. When Sara catches sight of Emilie one morning at Yerba Buena, their connection is immediate. But the damage both women carry, and the choices they have made, pulls them apart again and again. When Sara's old life catches up to her, upending everything she thought she wanted just as Emilie has finally gained her own sense of purpose, they must decide if their love is more powerful than their pasts.

[organic-guacamole]

episode 209 spoilers below

I'm so late today but here it is

I love EJ, he's finally learning to be happy. I'm so proud.

Ms Jenn = every boomer during zoom calls, like jeez yes we can hear you stop shouting at me.

LOVE THE SUBTLE JOKE ABOUT QUARANTINE "these dark times" "you mean spring break?"

ah yes, remember when we thought covid was just gonna give us a longer spring break? good times

SEBLOS

damn the passive aggressiveness from Carlos and the absolutely over it tone from seb✋

CASWELL COUSINS!!!!! THEY'RE THE BEST!!!!

we needed more if this kind of goofiness for the first part of season 2 that only such an iconic duo can provide.

old old movies-

is it even that old, or is Nini being a gen alpha rn-

i choose to imagine EJ being scared of the movie and hiding in Ashlyn's shoulder while she keeps a straight face and then EJ pretending to be tough afterwards

aww redlyn are soulmates.... yknow, if gingers had souls

(please ignore me)

y'all saw how EJ's face *lit up* when Gina logged on? how dare you tell me he doesn't like her

ofc she's no damsel in distress, she's Gina porter, she's amazing.

so do we think she'd be the type to just glare at suspicious people? or bark at them

do they not know that Rini broke up? or is Ms Jenn just wanting Nini to suffer through her heartbreak to make her a better actress....

speaking of, why is Nini in the call? she's not in the show anymore. Unless she is, even after the rose and the song got cut, which would be so unfair to all those that auditioned properly before she even came back but whatever, she's the main character I get it 🙄

big red is a hero honestly, Nini better thank him for changing the subject like that

I can't-

i won't work you over the break-

this woman would 100% work her kids 24/7 if it was legal and idk how to feel about it.

YES GINA USE THAT CHARM

QUEEN

FRENCH QUEEN

SHE LEARNT FROM THE BEST (antoine obvi)

smh the airport lady, eavesdropping on Gina's call.

The way she was so happy to answer EJ's call, "eej"

I love them your honour.

EJ WITH PAINTED NAILS YES PLEASE

great now we need to see Gina, Ashlyn and EJ having a complete spa day and EJ getting really into it and Gina and Ashlyn take pictures of him when he's laying down in a robe with a mask and cucumbers on his eyes.

finally we get to see Gina's side of portwell

the way she considered it as flirting, this is the sign she asked for in episode 6 come onnnnn

no is Asher/jack really doing tiktok dances in an airport-

Ricky is me. I am burrito.

oh Lynne, sweetie, I'm sorry but the blonde hair is not it

is that even the same lady or-

THE BEAN

THE CHICAGO BEAN

THE BIG OLD METAL BEAN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CITY 😭

jetlag is my go to excuse for anything... I haven't travelled in 2 years.

"welcome to the Lynne and Mike gossip show. where we talk about our depressed son that we both neglect in certain ways! And now a word from our sponsor, Nord VPN..."

SO MANY CANDLES

WHAT DEMON IS LYNNE TRYING TO SUMMON IN HIS ROOM-

is Nina becoming social media obsessed EJ from season 1? AND SHE LIED ABOUT HAVING SONGS TOO PLEASE WHY ARW THEY RECYCLING THE SAME PLOT-

Gina smiling at the picture of her family on Instagram makes me so happy, idek why.

EJ's nails are so pretty, we needed to see it more (unless he had it on for the rest of the episode and I just.... didn't notice🧍🏽‍♀️)

oh not the tiktok kid✋

yes ma'am end this strange mans whole tiktok career

sir take a hint and leave

GINA NO DONT SAY YOUR LAST NAME HE COULD BE A HUMAN TRAFFICKER

Ricky, walking in style✨

weird kid, ok then Lynne, can't you see he's this close to the edge?

not all your fault baby Ricky, Nini sucks a bit more

RICKY YOU DIDN'T COME DOWN HARD ON THE SONG-

YOU ASKED WHAT IT WAS ABOUT AND SHE SHUT YOU DOWN-

PLEASE DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF

ok but the deleting comment thing was very bad

still don't know if I like Jack honestly

hmmm so Nini's calling herself Nini instead of Nina in her little egg seat, while trying to write a song without inspiration.... Nini, honey, Ricky was your muse, he inspired you to write all those songs, even if it wasn't good for the relationship.

that doesn't mean you gotta get back with him, or that you can't write a song that not about him butttt it'll take some time

the rainbow sticker in her box and her rainbow shirt-

anyways wbk she's not totally straight

Jack are you a criminal?

quick, Gina, check his ankle for a tracker

THE YES AND PRACTICE STRIKES AGAIN

the way Gina wasn't into it in episode 6 but she's used the technique twice now

stole her grandma's Pomeranian-

Jack where the hell did you pull that out from-

the fake crying killed me, that looks like so much fun though

anyone wanna raid a first class lounge with me?

wait so is jack not gonna go in with her?

wouldn't he go in too? help look for the credit card? SO CONFUSED

the first class lounge guy was so into the drama though, watch his face when they start arguing 😭

sorry to break this to you Kourtney, but you haven't even blocked the second act yet soooo...

take that as you will

I love how all of them are totally dissing the dance off

that's the most realistic part of this show tbh

shouldn't Nini have asked how she knew....since the start? why is the fact that her best friend has knowledge of a North high secret now dawning on her...

Howie is sweet honestly, at least he's trying to help. but I stand with Kourtney, don't take him back just because he sang an amazing song, and is giving you a heads up on what's gonna happen...

KOURTNEY IS ME TRYING TO LEAVE AN ONLINE CLASS

I hate school

ooo Nini's writing a song about bad internet connection 🤩🤩🤩

I never lie, except when I do-

son that is the creepiest thing you could say to a stranger that you've been "helping"

2 truths and a lie👀

he's an Ariana fan 100%

called it.

OLDER BROTHER-

WHAT-

free spirit? damn so brother porter was in that horse movie

so has she been kissed or not?????????

I feel like she's moved more than 15 times though so possibly

but then if she's moved so much, and before east high she never opened up to anyone, she's never been kissed then?? damn

same though Gina so let's be besties please

heartbreak president is a great song title idea, give Nini a call rn

but wait

is the no strings attached feeling thing about her telling Ricky she liked him? she thought she was moving away so she thought it'd be no strings attached???

guys I think I figured it out insert the "I've connected two dots" meme

THE DUKE SWEATSHIRT

IS THAT YOUR BOYFRIEND'S

OMG I LOVE I LOVE

NOT THAT I KNOW OF???

ma'am did you just kill me

yes you did

Lynne and Ricky have such a weird relationship

YES IT DID SUCK

TODD SUCKS

LYNNE SUCKS

yeah I get that you wanted Ricky to like Todd BUT THAT WASN'T THE TIME

right so we already know that Ricky was so desperate to keep Nini cuz he didn't want to be like his parents, and now Lynne's talking about this-

Richard needs a long hug

yes Lynne, it is your fault. thank you for finally admitting it.

YES DYE YOUR HAIR

BLOND HIGHLIGHTS RICKY WILL RISE AGAIN

"sometimes the best, last thing you can do for someone you love, is let them go."

gotta admit I teared up at that point

not me thinking big red was calling ms Jenn cupcake for a hot second-

Carlos please omg, you're at the "beach" and they're leaving for the pool?

also, why not just do the call from the hotel room please omg

"don't ask me"

"Carlos"

OMG WHAT HAPPENED

big red wants the tea

O M G

SEB IS JEALOUS

JEALOUS SEBBY IS MY FAVOURITE THING IDC

I'm surprised ms Jenn knew how to give Nini permission to screenshare tbh

So lily's been stalking the East high kids and spending time editing this video while she's supposedly in an immersion trip.... right

EJ and Ashlyn's picture is so chaotic, what even is happening there

"slacking off" bestie its spring break, obviously they're confident enough that they'll get it done in time so why not focus on your own musical.

jealous seb = sassy seb

please what if those guys Carlos is posing with are his cousins or something and that's why he's so confused about Seb

6 YEAR OLD EJ I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM

Nini saying she's obsessed with her ex, that's not weird at all 👍

I can just tell Matt had a blast harassing Julia with those puppets.

Jack please dont be like that, "yet"

chances are you'll never see eachother again 🥰

(honestly sometimes I really miss those friends I made on trips and stuff when we'd spend the day or week together, only to never see them again....those were the good days though)

Ashlyn and Nini should write more songs..... something better than this one at least

Nini: "im good"

cue the Tia Mowry (please I can't spell) crying gif

oh I forgot Ricky was in the show for a hot second

1. where did Gina get to film this without people being around

2. did she just... randomly change her clothes???

ok but the transition between Carlos and EJ

*chefs kiss*

now everyone shut up, EJ's singing

oh i think I'm pregnant

HIS MUSCLES

YES KOURTNEY

I love how big red and Kourtney went from being "the best friends™" to the couple in season 1, to kinda close themselves and having their own plots

sebby makes me so happy

props to biggies editing skills honestly

PORTWELL BEING SIDE TO SIDE I CANT

AND SEBLOS OMG

big red lives for the drama

"wow" so true Ricky

no he is not cute, stop it

"holding" ok that's kinda cute

yeah EJ's a lucky guy😌

jokes aside, it's not that hard to exchange numbers-

keep in touch if you want

ok I really like Jack now

if he comes back in season 3, maybe have him be LGBTQ+ ?

like the only out characters they have rn are Seb and Carlos and they're like the sterotypes, yk?

I'd love to see jack kinda break the mold

Ricky's breaking my heart

that song just hurts

the only thing

now I don't hate Lynne????????

HOW DARE THEY WRITE IN A PROPER REDEMPTION ARC FOR HER

UGH IM SUPPOSED TO HATE HER FOREVER

I mean I don't live her now but she's good

but honestly

"mom can I show you something"

IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL

THE PICTURE AND EVERYTHING OMG

I'm sobbing please help

Gina saying she's just waiting for the right guy and then EJ coming to the airport to pick her up late at night without her asking, offering to bring her back in the morning so she won't have to Uber, bringing her a granola bar (WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT SHE FORGOT TO PACK) and without expecting anything in return???

ms ma'am you've got a keeper right there

her smile at the end was so heartwarming I really can't.

this episode was great.

it felt really short but I liked it, great character development for Ricky, Lynne and Gina.

Cant wait for next episode to see more of EJ being the ideal boyfriend /hj

[schraubd]

Should I PlagueWatch It?: Series Finale!

In March 2020, I inaugurated on this blog what I said "may but hopefully won't(?) become an ongoing series": Should I PlagueWatch It? Basically, it took the thing Jill and I do best -- watch TV -- and offered our recommendations for what you should watch to get you through the pandemic.

Over a year later, Should I PlagueWatch It? did, indeed, become a series. In addition to the first entry -- HBO's Avenue 5 -- I also did entries on Gentleman Jack, Marvel's Runaways, Alpha House, Never Have I Ever, Jelle's Marble Runs, Making the Cut, and a "roundup" post that covered Billions, Insecure, Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., Ultimate Tag, Titan Games, and Holey Moley.

But now, it feels we're finally closing the chapter on the pandemic. Jill and I are vaccinated, my parents came to visit this past weekend, we're seeing friends, the CDC says we can go unmasked. It seems, alas, that all good things must come to an end. And while the pandemic itself is certainly not a good thing, some of us may be feeling a bit bittersweet at the prospect of being expected to interact with other humans rather than sit around and watch Netflix all day.

So to wrap up the series, one more omnibus "quick hits" review of all the shows we PlagueWatched that haven't yet gotten their own entry.

* * * Mild spoilers * * *

Blown Away

Reality TV can be wonderful in its formulaicness. Take a random hobby, find ten people who are pretty good at it, dangle $50,000 in front of them, and bang, you've got a competition show. This one's about glass blowing. I know nothing about glass blowing, but the competitors seem pretty talented to me?

I was impressed at how versatile a medium glass is. I worried when I started the show that the challenges would end up being pretty one note (how many vases can one make?). But the competitors actually made a lot of really cool material!

There's a lot of running and swinging and flailing given that they're handling molten-hot material.  It stressed me out. Also, apparently "glory holes" are an essential part of glass blowing, and nobody made a joke about it.

This show is definitely more in the "everyone likes and supports one another" mold of reality TV compared to the "constant cat fights and 'I'm not here to make friends'" mold. No judgment, just letting you know what to expect.

Sexify

A Netflix series about a young college student with no sexual experience who decides she needs to develop an app to optimize the female orgasm. It's not the most innovative concept, but it works well enough.

Of the core trio, my favorite character is Paulina -- the religious Catholic best-friend who is having (bad) sex with her fiancé and feels guilty about even that sin. She does a lot of great expressive work and has some superb character beats (her popcorn addiction -- just casually munching away while watching porn). 

Speaking of Paulina, at the outset I told Jill she looked like someone and Jill's first guess was "a plainer Emily Blunt" (that's not an insult -- who isn't plainer than Emily Blunt?). It wasn't who I was thinking of, and soon I realized the answer was like six women I've known over the years. So maybe "plainer Emily Blunt" is a more common face than I realized?

The show is in Polish (with subtitles), and I'm very proud that I managed to identify the language as Polish right away (I do not speak a word of Polish).

The musical motif for the show combines one of the catchiest guitar riffs I've ever heard with a sample loop of a woman's sex moans. It fits the show perfectly, but it's a bit awkward to listen to on its own.

Wandavision

You shouldn't need me to tell you about this show. It's good, but my hottest take -- and I stand by it -- is that as an exploration of grief Never Have I Ever does it better and it's not close.

Can we concede that Wanda is the unambiguous villain of the show? With only the barest shift in perspective, Wanda could be the nemesis with an admittedly sympathetic motive. To some extent, I think the show was far too forgiving of her. Motives aside, how different is she from Kilgrave on Jessica Jones?

Poor Emma Caulfield. So much build-up for her character, and it's only a head-fake.

Space Force

I liked it. It's not in the most elite of the elite comedies, and maybe that's the standard when Steve Carrell is the lead, but it was quite funny. That said, I keep on almost forgetting that I watched it, and have no substantive commentary to offer. So take from that what you will.

AOC lookalike alert (the character even gets the nickname AYC -- "Angry Young Congresswoman")!

Mythic Quest

I love that Ubisoft is actually involved in the show (which is set at a game studio producing a popular massively multiplayer online RPG).

Surprisingly, given my love affair with Community, Danny Pudi is one of the least interesting characters on the show.

The actress who plays Poppy isn't the very strongest (though she's improving), but Poppy herself may be my favorite character. Of course, everyone knows I'm a sucker for an Australian accent.

The show has some great characters in side parts who don't get enough attention, like Sue the community manager and Carol the HR director. Also, Aparna Nancherla has a small recurring role in the first season and apparently doesn't come back for season two? I don't get why she keeps getting sidelined like this -- she's funnier than the rest of the cast put together.

Ted Lasso

Good, sweet, endearing, fun. British soccer comedies with heart are a winner for me (Bend It Like Beckham, anyone?).

Ted's estranged wife is played by the same actress who plays Linda in Better Off Ted. This was very strange, though admittedly I'm probably the only person who cared enough about Better Off Ted to notice or care.

Lupin

Dashing gentleman thief who's always a step ahead of his adversaries, except maybe the one nemesis who actually can match him step for step in a constant cat-and-mouse game? Look, it's a cliché for a reason. I'm not going to say Lupin breaks the mold, but it certainly is a well-crafted entry into the mold.

If there is anything innovative, it's how Lupin particularly leverages stereotypes about race and class to maneuver more freely in certain spaces (e.g., he can smuggle himself into prison because the guards can't tell him apart from another inmate -- sad commentary, but useful for Lupin!).

It did do something I hate, which is release "half a season" and just leave the audience hanging at the end. Maybe it was the pandemic's fault, but one could really feel its incompleteness.

Kim's Convenience

Of the Canadian shows I've been watching, I'd say Working Moms (not in this post because it is pre-pandemic) is the stronger of the two. But this is fun as well.

It just got cancelled, unfortunately depriving it of the chance to wrap up its single greatest storyline (that's been ongoing since season one). That's a real, real shame.

Simu Liu as Jung is the latest iteration of the Jason Mendoza trend of "dumb male Asian hottie leads". I guess it's a blow against stereotypes?

Pastor Nina also could be an AOC lookalike. I think the show struggled a bit to draw a bead on her character.

Legomasters

I actually mentioned this show in my post about Jelle's Marble Runs, but it is such a joy to watch. I can't wait for season two, which is dropping very soon. For pure, simple, uncomplicated happiness, Legomasters beats out everything on this list.

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[trassellynn]

ABOUT THAT WRONG THING

Here’s the analysis I promised. *** CROOKED KINGDOM SPOILERS *** WHY WAS MATTHIAS HELVAR’S DEATH JUST WRONG? 1. THE WAY IT HAPPENED 1.1. The Hand of the Author “The Hand of the Author” is an expression that indicates how much we feel the presence of the author into the story, the moments in which they intervene to manipulate the events in a forced and unrealistic way instead of following the coherency of their own plots. Now, let’s think about the sequence of the scene: a) Matthias if left alone and unarmed at job done; b) the boy has been able to follow him despite the messy situation; c) Matthias decides not to defend himself and talks to him in a kind and totally reasonable manner; d) the boy shoots him anyway. This death is absolutely anti-climatic, forced and disrespectful for such a character and the scenes from chapter 38 to 40 seem to be completely disconnected from the rest of the story. It looks like the author (despite her statements) was going to finish the book and said : “Oh, no, I cannot end this story without killing at least one main character, let’s kill the one I think the readers like less!” Even though Matthias was the worst character to kill off, as I’m going to explain in Chapter 2, if the author desperately wanted to kill him, she could at least give him a more decent death, like, for example, making him sacrifice to save someone. 1.2. Confusing sequences Matthias is shot by the young drüskelle, but he is still able to run to Nina. What does this mean? Why does the boy let him go, after shooting him? I honestly doubt Matthias has killed him to escape. Maybe he has knocked him down, but that wouldn’t make more sense to the entire context. 1.3. Fjerdan mentality Matthias gives the young drüskelle valid reasons to put his gun down: he has no weapons and cannot go anywhere. Do Fjerdans, filled with hatred but also obsessed with honour and discipline, really teach their young soldiers to be blinded by anger and kill a wanted man (“Dead OR ALIVE”) who is unarmed and willing to cooperate? The boy could have become a Fjerdan hero, if he had brought Matthias as a prisoner to his companions, rather than shooting him for no reasons and then being also unable to prove he killed him. 1.4. Double standards An author cannot build an unrealistic plot armor to some characters (for example, Kaz, a limping boy, who defeats all the Dregs alone) and kill others in a totally “random” and anti-climatic way, at job done. As I say in my small guide “Five simple rules every author should know about characters’ deaths”, double standards compromise the logic and the coherency of the story. 2. THE WAY IT BREAKS BASIC NARRATIVE RULES 2. 1. Character development Matthias’ storyline is mainly focused on two topics: his relationship with Nina and his character development. He literally spends two books to work on himself, unlearning everything he was taught since he was a child and finding a new purpose based on his change of heart. When characters are made to evolve during the story, the most logical choice is to give them an opportunity to make their development useful and significant outside of their safe zone (for example, their group of friends). And, most important thing, an author should never kill their characters if they haven’t complete their development. And that’s why Matthias was the worst character to kill off at the end of Crooked Kingdom: first of all, he hadn’t fully complete his development (he was still very insecure during social interactions and was still fighting against crumbles of Fjerdan mentality); secondly, no one out of the Crows has seen his development, since the author made him fail during his first real attempt to demonstrate something. I think people would need practical demonstrations to make a change possible, it can’t really be enough for them to hear his story from Nina. It’s just not realistic. Killing Matthias in that way and in that moment, made the character uncompleted and his entire development vain. I’ll conclude the subchapter with a simple example: why do you think it was Jack to die in Titanic, instead of Rose? Because Jack was a complete character, while Rose was still completing her development and had to put it into practice. The criterion is the same. 2.2. Characters’ deaths and their impact on the story Authors owe respect to their characters and have to build their paths properly from the beginning to the end, to guarantee quality to the story. Unless they’re writing a story about random events of human life, they should kill characters only when their deaths make sense to the plot and can give a valuable contribute to other characters’ storylines. A story lacks of quality when characters (especially main characters) are killed just for shock value, to add unnecessary angst and suffering to other characters or because “I cannot give a happy ending to everyone, happy endings are for children”. Matthias’ death was anti-climatic, useless and has so little impact that, if a reader jumps chapters from 38 to 41, it almost seems nothing has changed. 2.3. The failure After everything Matthias did to change and evolve, the author made his first attempt to put in practice what he learnt a huge, undeserving failure. First of all, even though he is unarmed, Matthias is fully able to defeat the boy but he doesn’t do that, that means he chooses not to defend himself. He wants to give the boy a possibility, he wants to demonstrate that there’s still hope for Fjerda. And his faith is repaid with death. These kind of plot choices SOMETIMES (and not in this case) can make sense if written at the beginning or in the middle of a story, not at the ending, when everything seems to be resolved. What is the author trying to suggest us? Fjerdan people are hopeless? If Matthias hasn’t been able to persuade a young boy, who, despite his anger and hatred, should have a more “elastic” mind, how could it be possible to convince older people in Fjerda, who have lived with their beliefs for decades? Does the author really think it is realistic that Nina’s words will be heard by Fjerdans? I’m starting to think her and Matthias’ dream is just destined to fail… * SPOILER FROM NIKOLAI DUOLOGY * (Please, don’t mention me the Nikolai Duology, which I tried to read but I abandoned due to several reasons, one of them, I consider the Crows’ arc closed, after that ending, and I don't like the idea of using the group only as a "passage moment" for both a character and a major plot. And to be honest, I think it’s just not fair that the work Matthias started to change Fjerdans’ mentality would be finished by a character who is just similar to him (well, even too much similar) but hasn’t faced everything he went through with Nina. It sounds like Bardugo is trying to replace him and this is bad. 3. THE AUTHOR’S STATEMENTS And now, in the third and final part of my work, I’m going to report some statements the author said during interviews about this choice and explain why I cannot help but strongly disagree with her. 1. “Matthias didn’t deserve a happy ending because he spread too much hate, he had to pay.” Okay, first of all, Matthias didn’t just wake up one morning, deciding to spread hate for no reasons. Do we need to think about his background? 1. He had always been taught to fear Grishas and see them as monsters; 2. A group of those monsters killed his family and he has been taken by a man who took advantage of his trauma to turn him into a weapon. He received bad teachings (and not only from Jarl Brum, but also from Grisha people who burnt his family alive), he has also been able to unlearn those teaching and decide to do something to repair and make things better. About the “he had to pay” stuff, excuse me, but he has been tortured in Hellgate for a year, being forced to kill wolves, that were not only sacred to him, but also reminded him of his own pet wolf, and living with the belief that the girl he fell in love with had betrayed him. Wasn’t that enough? And, last but not less important, here we go again with double standards: Matthias, who understood his mistakes and was determined to fix them “didn’t deserve a happy ending,” but Kaz Brekker did? Kaz is a great character, but he also did terrible things and I’m sure he’ll never do anything to fix them because he’s too broken and rotten inside. That’s okay, not all the characters are made to have a great development, but statements like this, when we compare the two characters, just sound a bit incoherent. 2. “He has been killed by the younger version of himself” Does the author really think this is a great symbolism? Doesn’t she know that being killed by a younger version of yourself, especially after you went through a great redemption arc, just means “Regression”? She’s basically saying that it doesn’t matter if you worked hard to change and to fix your mistakes, you don’t deserve to be forgiven, you are your past and you’re destined to be destroyed by it (unless your name is Kaz Brekker). Past is a part of us, of course, we cannot change it and we can be hurt by it, but we cannot let it “kill” us. The message the author gave is just wrong and filled with extremist, unnecessary moralism. It definitely doesn’t fit the atmosphere of a Young Adult novel, which should promote progression, instead of regression. As I said, she also seems to be willing to demonstrate that Fjerdans are just evil and will never change. I wonder if Bardugo has ever seen “The Lion King”, because Rafiki would be very disappointed by all of this. 3. “I knew from the beginning I would have killed him off” Even though the way she killed him seems to demonstrate something different, Bardugo has always stated that she wanted to kill Matthias by the moment she created him. Okay, we can believe it, but I can still speak against this statement. How? I’m sure this thing has happened to many writers: we create characters and decidespecific endings for their storylines, but, while we’re writing, those characters “come to life” into our hands and they sometimes evolve out of our control and start to lead us to a different path. Since the story is made by our characters, we should follow the directions they take, for the sake of the plot: we shouldn’t listen to fanservice or to old plans, we should listen to our characters. That’s why it can happen we end up saving a character we were meant to kill of at the beginning, as well as killing a character we hadn’t plan to kill off. It is just wrong to stubbornly follow an old idea that doesn’t fit the story anymore, that’s why authors cannot use it as an excuse to justify their mistakes. (The finale of “How I Met Your Mother” is a great example to explain this concept). 4. CONCLUSIONS “Geez, what was that for?” - It doesn’t matter. It’s in the past. “Yeah, but it still hurts!” - Ah, yes, the past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it, or… learn from it. (“The Lion King”, 1994) Matthias wasn’t even running away from his past. He faced it. He wanted to do something about it. He was ready to rise from the ashes of his past and work for a better future. And those are all the reasons his death is just wrong from every kind of perspective: narrative, logic, symbolism. Matthias Helvar deserved better. Not only from his life, but also, and especially, from the author who created him. *** Hope you agree with me. Haters stay away, I won’t change my mind. Don’t make flame under my post. If you agree with me and like my work, feel free to share. Thanks for reading!

[aion-rsa]

Why Jack Bauer Is America’s James Bond

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Despite what Marvel might have you believe, not all film franchises are perfectly serialized.

Take, for example, another kind of cinematic superhero: James Bond a.k.a. 007. The MI6 spy created by Ian Fleming and brought to screen by Harry Saltzman and Albert R. Broccoli is timeless in the most literal sense of the world. Since Sean Connery passed the role of James Bond to Roger Moore for good in 1973’s Live and Let Die (Connery previously gave way to George Lazenby in On Her Majesty’s Secret Service before returning in Diamonds Are Forever), James Bond has become unstuck in time. 

As played in subsequent films over several decades by actors like Timothy Dalton, Pierce Brosnan, and Daniel Craig, Bond remains the same while the world around him changes. Some fans like to theorize that “Agent 007” and “James Bond” are aliases used by different MI6 spies throughout the years. But within the context of the series, there is only one Bond…James Bond. Bond is always middle-aged, looks good in a tux, enjoys stiff drinks and beautiful women. 

Read more

Movies

James Bond Movies Streaming Guide: Where to Watch 007 Online

By Don Kaye

The Cold War ended in the ‘90s and yet Bond, perhap the ultimate cinematic representative of its aesthetic, just kept calm and carried on as usual. Save for a handful of Craig’s latter year depictions, James Bond rarely learns any new tricks. He doesn’t develop. He is what he is – a hero of espionage and action. In that regard, the James Bond series is a surprisingly honest exploration of the occasional propagandistic aims of major blockbuster filmmaking. Bond isn’t a character in a story. He’s the United Kingdom’s idealized version of itself writ large on a canvas widescreen: a suave spy who is welcomed into every country to get laid and save the world. 

But what about the United States’ idealized version of itself? How has the Cold War’s lone surviving superpower let itself go without a similarly iconic (and occasionally nakedly jingoistic) cinematic creation? The answer is that America already does have an outsized action icon…he was just on television. 

Jack Bauer of early 2000s Fox thriller series 24 is American James Bond whether we want him to be or not. Just as Bond is the idealized Englishman, with his martini lunches and quick wit, Bauer is the America’s warped ideal of itself: angry, merciless, focused, and unfailingly effective. 

As portrayed by Kiefer Sutherland (who won an Emmy for the role), Jack Bauer started off as a fairly three-dimensional character in 24’s first season. That season picked up with Jack as a family man and a glorified pencil pusher at the fictional Counter Terrorist Unit’s Los Angeles office. Over the span of the first season’s 24 hours (24’s hook, of course, is that each season takes place over the span of a 24-hour day in real time), Jack slowly lost grip of his humanity, culminating with his friend Nina Myers turning out to be a mole and murdering his wife Teri. 

The death of Teri fundamentally changed Jack. For eight subsequent seasons and a movie, Jack became an Uncle Sam-style cartoon character obsessed with protecting his country from terrorists all over the globe, because his family was already taken away from him. Elisha Cuthbert as Jack’s daughter Kim was a prominent character for a few seasons, but as she was phased out so too was Jack’s grip on reality.

Unlike the James Bond series, 24 was particularly devoted to its chronology, with the very premise of the show meaning it had to have a close relationship with time. Jack Bauer would in theory grow as a character from season to season. But rather than developing, he mostly devolved into the most base version of himself. 

It’s in this way that Bauer actually became more like James Bond than one might initially expect. Regardless of who is playing him or what time period a particular film is set in, Bond’s characteristics remain static. By the end of 24’s run in 2014, Jack was similarly a Bond-ian relic of the past. Though the country was still feeling the effects of it, “The War on Terror” seemed as dramatically quaint for 24 as the Cold War did for James Bond. And yet here was this rugged American in the miniseries 24: Live Another Day, gripping the life out of a pistol and barking at perceived London terrorists in a gravely timber like a psycho.

24: Live Another Day was the last appearance for Jack Bauer and rightfully so at the time. The character had become a bit too anachronistic and his show, quite frankly, was frequently xenophobic. Still, as the continued success of Craig’s Bond films indicate (with No Time to Die finally set to arrive this October) perhaps there is still room for walking anachronisms in the entertainment world, as long as they’re approached correctly.

Fox has repeatedly attempted to rejuvenate the 24 brand. In 2017, the network greenlit a spinoff starring Corey Hawkins called 24: Legacy. Like its forefather, 24: Legacy, utilized a real-time format, only condensing 24 hours into 12 episodes like Live Another Day did. The spinoff was not successful and was quickly canceled following the conclusion of its first season.

Ultimately, Fox (now owned by Disney) hasn’t made any subsequent reboot attempts work yet because it has misidentified the appeal of 24 as a franchise. While the ticking clock aspect of telling a story in real time is novel and interesting, it wasn’t the reason the original series lasted for nine seasons. The real reason for 24’s success was Jack Bauer. Viewers are typically attracted to characters, not concepts. In Jack Bauer, many an American viewer likely found the embodiment of a paranoid nation they recognized.

There’s an undercurrent of anger and indignance in the American psyche. Exactly why is a question best left for sociologists. Perhaps it’s misplaced guilt over displacing a society to create a new one, or maybe it’s just the disappointment of being promised a Manifest Destiny and getting Wyoming. But whatever the reason, Jack Bauer is as apt a cartoonish American avatar as James Bond is a British one.

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So why then doesn’t 20th Television (again, now owned by Disney) just formalize the comparison and make Jack Bauer literally American James Bond? Just as Connery once handed off the baton to Lazenby and Moore, have Sutherland hand the role off to someone else. That actor would preferably represent the American physicality that Sutherland brought to the role (despite Sutherland being a Canadian, which is somewhat fitting given that the Scottish Connery was the first to play Her Majesty’s favorite spy). The new Jack Bauer would be played by someone who is short, stubbly, and angry rather than Bond’s tall, dark, and handsome. Throw the new Jack back into the field in a modern day ticking time bomb plot without bothering to explain why he is still middle-aged after 20 years. 

The answer to why Disney wouldn’t want to do such a thing is almost certainly all that aforementioned racism and torture. That is admittedly a, uh…roadblock. It really can’t be overstated just how xenophoci 24 was at times and how cruel it could be to characters and actors of Middle Eastern descent. Jack Bauer’s reliance on torture wasn’t just a dramatic crutch, 24 co-creator Joel Surnow genuinely believed in the value of torture as a foreign policy tactic. 

Suffice it to say, the series has not aged well. Then again, however, neither have many of the earlier Bond films. To a certain extent that’s the point of the Bond franchise. It understands that making movies is making myths. James Bond is every bit the mythical figure that Captain America or Iron Man are. The fact that Bond is so obviously an exaggerated character now has helped soften some of his more problematic edges. 

Bauer, on the other hand, comes from an era where Americans were both terrified of the looming threat of terrorism and were starting to invest in television as a more “serious” art form. As such, not everyone of the time was prepared to accept Jack Bauer as American James Bond, that is to say a cheesy cultural figure, not a vital supersoldier of freedom. 

In The Atlantic’s 2007 article “Whatever It Takes” about the politics of 24,  U.S. Army Brigadier General Patrick Finnegan, the dean of the United States Military Academy at West Point, recounts Jack Bauer’s effect on enlistees.

“The kids see it, and say, ‘If torture is wrong, what about 24?’ The disturbing thing is that although torture may cause Jack Bauer some angst, it is always the patriotic thing to do.”

The world has changed since then, obviously. But even now, it feels like it hasn’t fully set in that Jack Bauer is the American James Bond and should be treated with the same amount of reverence, which is none at all. Perhaps the only responsible move left is, in fact, to continue the increasingly ridiculous stories of the character with new actors.

In the right hands, Jack Bauer could be put to use as a blockbuster magnet and an appropriate critique of American foreign policy. In the end, icons don’t matter so much as what you do with them. 

The post Why Jack Bauer Is America’s James Bond appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[cielrouge]

2019 YA Reads by Authors of Color

96 Words for Love by Rachel Roy - While exploring her grandmother's past at an ashram in India with her cousin Anandi, Raya finds herself and, perhaps, true love in this modern retelling of the legend of Dushyanta and Shakuntala.

After the Fall by E.C. Myers - A year after the destruction of Beacon Academy, Team CFVY answers a distress call and are forced to relive their former battles, from both the fall of Beacon and from everything that came before.

All-American Muslim Girl by Nadine Jolie Courtney - Allie Abraham has it all going for her—she's a straight-A student, with good friends and a close-knit family, and she's dating cute, popular, and sweet Wells Henderson. Only one problem: Wells's father is Jack Henderson, America's most famous conservative shock jock...and Allie hasn't told Wells that her family is Muslim. 

All the Things We Never Said by Yasmin Rahman - 16-year-old Mehreen Miah's anxiety and depression has taken over her life. So, she joins MementoMori, a website that matches people and allocates them a date and method of death. When Mehreen and her new friends change their minds, the website won't let them stop, and an increasingly sinister game begins. 

The Athene Protocol by Shamim Sarif - Jessie Archer is a member of the Athena Protocol, an elite organization of female spies who enact vigilante justice around the world. But after Jessie goes her rogue, her former teammates have been ordered to bring her down. Jessie must face danger from all sides if she’s to complete her mission—and survive.

Barely Missing Anything by Matt Mendez - Three Mexican-Americans--Juan, JD, and Fabi--each try to overcome their individual struggles as they all grapple with how to make a better life for themselves when it seems like brown lives don't matter. 

The Beast Player by Nahoko Uehashi - An epic YA fantasy about a girl with a special power to communicate with magical beasts and the warring kingdom only she can save.

The Beautiful by Renee Ahdieh - In 19th century New Orleans where vampires hide in plain sight and a serial killer is on the loose, half-Asian Celine Rosseau, a dressmaker from Paris, becomes embroiled in a murder mystery, connected to the glamorous supernatural cohort, known as the Court of Lions, and catching the eye of their mysterious, charismatic leader, Sèbastien Saint Germain. 

The Beauty of the Moment by Tanaz Bhathena - Saudi-Canadian Susan is the new girl. Malcolm is the bad boy. Susan’s parents are on the verge of divorce. Malcolm’s dad is a known adulterer. Susan hasn’t told anyone, but she wants to be an artist. Malcolm doesn’t know what he wants—until he meets her. Love is messy and families are messier, but in spite of their burdens, Susan and Malcolm fall for each other.

The Best Lies by Sarah Lyu - Remy Tsai was happy once. Remy had her boyfriend Jack, and Elise, her best friend—her soulmate. But now Jack is dead, and it was Elise who pulled the trigger. Was it self-defense? Or something deeper, darker than anything Remy could have imagined? 

Black Enough: Stories of Being Young & Black in America edit. by Ibi Zoboi - A short story anthology about what it is like to be young and black, centering on the experiences of black teens and emphasizing that one person's experiences, reality, and personal identity are different than someone else.

The Boxer by Nikesh Shukla - When racial tensions are rising in the city, and when a Far Right march through Bristol turns violent, 17-year-old amateur boxer Sunny faces losing his new best friend Keir to radicalization.

Brief Chronicle of Another Stupid Heartbreak by Adi Alsaid - Teen relationship columnist Lu Charles navigates life in the wake of a devastating breakup, and her decision to chronicle the planned breakup of another couple, Cal and Iris, in the summer after they graduate from high school. 

The Candle and the Flame by Nafiza Azad - Set in the city of Noor, along the Silk Road which has become a refuge for those of all faiths, Fatima becomes embroiled in a war between two clans of powerful djinn who threaten to destroy her peace in different ways, forcing her to make unlikely alliances to survive. 

Caster by Elsie Chapman - In this Chinese-inspired, magical Fight Club, Earth is already at the brink of environmental disaster due to the magic overuse. And 16-year-old spell caster Aza Wu must navigate through an illegal, underground battle magic tournament, while evading local gangs and police scouts to save her family from ruin. 

Children of Virtue and Vengeance (Legacy of Orïsha #2) by Tomi Adeyemi - After battling the impossible, Zélie and Amari have finally succeeded in bringing magic back to the land of Orïsha. But with civil war looming on the horizon, Zélie finds herself at a breaking point: she must discover a way to bring the kingdom together or watch as Orïsha tears itself apart.

Circle of Shadows by Evelyn Skye - Love, spies, and adventure abound as apprentic warriors Sora and Daemon unravel a complex web of magic and secrets that might tear them—and the entire kingdom—apart forever. 

Color Me In by Natasha Diaz - In this coming-of-age novel, biracal Neveah learns about the meaning of friendship, the joyful beginnings of romance, and the racism and religious intolerance that can both strain a family to the breaking point and strengthen its bonds.

Color Outside the Lines edited by Sangu Madanna - A groundbreaking YA anthology explores the complexity and beauty of interracial and LGBTQ+ relationships where differences are front and center.

Dealing in Dreams by Lilliam Rivera - 16-year-old Nalah leads the fiercest all-girl crew in Mega City, but when she sets her sights on giving this life up for a prestigious home in Mega Towers, she must decide if she's willing to do the unspeakable to get what she wants.

Dear Haiti, Love Alaine by Maika & Maritza Moulite - Told in epistolary style through letters, articles, emails, and diary entries,  when a school presentation goes very wrong, Haitan-American Alaine Beauparlant finds herself suspended, shipped off to Haiti, and writing the report of a lifetime.

Descendant of the Crane by Joan He - In this Chinese-inspired fantasy, Princess Hesina of Yan is thrust into power when her beloved father is murdered, and she's determined to find his killer--whatever the cost. 

Don’t Date Rosa Santos by Nina Moreno - Rosa Santos is cursed by the sea-at least, that's what they say. Dating her is bad news, especially if you're a boy with a boat. As her college decision looms, Rosa collides - literally - with Alex Aquino, the mysterious boy with tattoos of the ocean whose family owns the marina. With her heart, her family, and her future on the line, can Rosa break a curse and find her place beyond the horizon. 

The Downstairs Girl by Stacey Lee - In 1890, Atlanta, 17-year-old Jo Kuan works as a lady's maid, but by night, Jo moonlights as newspaper advice columnist "Dear Miss Sweetie." When her efforts put Jo in the crosshairs of Atlanta's most notorious criminal, she must decide whether she, a girl used to living in the shadows, is ready to step into the light

A Dream So Dark by L.L. McKinney - Still reeling from her recent battle (and grounded until she graduates) Alice must cross the Veil to rescue her friends and stop the Black Knight once and for all in Wonderland. 

Eclipse the Stars by Maura Milan - Criminal mastermind and unrivaled pilot Ia Ccha and her allies make unpredictable choices as they fight to keep darkness from eclipsing the skies.

The Everlasting Rose by Dhonielle Clayton -  Camille, Edel, and Remy, aided by The Iron Ladies and backed by alternative newspaper The Spider's Web, race to outwit Sophia, find Princess Charlotte, and return her to Orléans.

Fake It Till You Break It by Jenn P. Nguyen - Neighbors Mia and Jake pretend to fake date to get their respective mothers off their back. All they have to do is pretend to date and then stage the worst breakup of all time. The only problem is, maybe Jake and Mia don’t hate each other as much as they once thought. 

Far From Agrabah by Aisha Saeed - On an adventure in a fantastical kingdom, Aladdin and Jasmine get caught up in the magic therein. But soon sinister outside forces come into play, threatening to strand them there forever. 

The Field Guide to the North American Teenager by Ben Philippe - When Norris, a Black French Canadian, starts his junior year at an Austin, Texas, high school, he views his fellow students as clichés from "a bad 90s teen movie."

Firestarter (Timekeeper #3) by Tara Sim - Colton, Daphne, and the others must choose between those striving to take down the world's clock towers so that time can run freely, and terrorists trying to bring back the lost god of time.

Five Dark Fates (Three Dark Crowns #4) by Kendare Blake - In this conclusion to the Three Dark Crowns series, three dark sisters will rise to fight as the secrets of Fennbirn’s history are laid bare. Allegiances will shift. Bonds will be tested, and some broken forever.

Five Midnights by Ann Davila Cardinal - If Lupe Dávila and Javier Utierre can survive each other’s company, together they can solve a series of grisly murders sweeping though Puerto Rico. But the clues lead them out of the real world and into the realm of myths and legends. 

Forward Me Back to You by Mitali Perkins - Told in separate voices, Kat and Robin leave Boston on a church mission to help combat human trafficking in India while Kat recovers from a sexual assault and Robin seeks his birth mother.

Frankly in Love by David Yoon - Korean-American Frank Li Frank falls for Brit Means, who is smart, beautiful–and white. Fellow Limbo Joy Song is in a similar predicament, and so they make a pact: they’ll pretend to date each other. Frank thinks it’s the perfect plan, but in the end, Frank and Joy’s fake-dating maneuver leaves him wondering if he ever really understood love–or himself–at all.

Full Disclosure by Camryn Garrett - HIV-positive teen Simone Garcia-Hampton must navigate fear, disclosure, and radical self-acceptance when she falls in love--and lust--for the first time. 

The Gilded Wolves by Roshani Chokshi - Paris, 1889: Treasure-hunter and wealthy hotelier, Séverin Montagnet-Alarie gets the chance of a lifetime when the all-powerful society, the Order of Babel, seeks him out for help in exchange for a priceless treasure: his true inheritance. 

The Girl King by Mimi Yu - Sisters Lu and Min become unwitting rivals in a war to claim the title of Emperor. 

Girls of Storm and Shadow (Girls of Paper and Fire #2) by Natasha Ngan - After escaping the Hidden Palace, Lei and her warrior love Wren must travel the kingdom to gain support from the far-flung rebel clans.

The Grief Keeper by Alexandra Villasante - To have her family’s asylum request accepted, 17-year-old Marisol participates in a risky experiment to become a grief keeper, taking another’s grief into her own body to save a life. 

His Hideous Heart edited by Dahlia Adler - 13 of YA’s most celebrated names reimagine Edgar Allan Poe’s most surprising, unsettling, and popular tales for a new generation.

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If It Makes You Happy by Claire Kann - Winnie dreams of someday inheriting the family diner—but it'll go away if they can't make money, and fast. Winnie has a solution—win a televised cooking competition and make bank. 

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Inventing Victoria by Tonya Bolden - In 1880s Savannah, Dorcas Vashton offers Essie an offer she can't refuse, she becomes Victoria. Transformed by a fine wardrobe, a classic education, and the rules of etiquette, Victoria is soon welcomed in the upper echelons of black society in Washington, D. C. But when the life she desires is finally within her grasp, Victoria must decide how much of herself she is truly willing to surrender.

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Kick the Moon by Muhammad Khan - 15-year-old Ilyas finds a kindred spirit in Kelly Matthews during detention. But when Kelly catches the eye of one of the local bad boys, Imran, he decides to seduce her for a bet. Standing up to Imran puts Ilyas’ family at risk, but it’s time for him to be the superhero he draws in his comic-books, and go kick the moon.

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Laura Dean Keeps Breaking Up with Me by Mariko Tamaki -  Teenager Frederica Riley undergoes what might possibly be the most epically complicated breakup in lesbian history -- or at least it feels that way

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Like A Love Story by Abdi Nazemian - It's 1989 in New York City, three teens, Reza, Judy, and Art cross paths. Judy has never imagined finding romance...until she falls for Reza and they start dating. But as Reza and Art grow closer, Reza struggles to find a way out of his deception that won't break Judy's heart--and destroy the most meaningful friendship he's ever known.

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The Tiger at Midnight by Swati Teerdhala - In ancient India, soldier Kunal hunts the “Viper,” rebel girl Esha accused of killing his General, embarking on a dangerous cat and mouse game and where both must decide—loyalty to their old lives or to a love that's made them dream of new ones. 

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Virtually Yours by Sarvenz Tash -  NYU freshman Mariam Vakilian tries out a virtual reality dating app, only to be matched up with the high school ex she's still not over. Mariam’s heart is telling her one thing, but the app is telling her another. So, which should she trust? Is all fair in modern love?

The Voice in My Head by Dana L. Davis - When a sequence of wrenching secrets detonates, Indigo must figure out how to come to terms with her twin sister Violet, her family…and the voice in her head.

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Watch Us Rise by Renee Watson & Ellen Hagan - Jasmine and Chelsea start a Women's Rights Club and soon go viral. But with such positive support, the club is also targeted by online trolls. When things escalate, the principal shuts the club down. Jasmine and Chelsea will risk everything for their voices—and those of other young women—to be heard.

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We Set the Dark on Fire by Tehlor Kay Mejia - Set at the Medio School for Girls, where young women are trained to become one of two wives assigned to high society men; with revolution brewing in the streets, star student Daniela Vargas fights to protect a destructive secret, sending her into the arms of the most dangerous person possible—the second wife of her husband-to-be. 

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When the Stars Lead to You by Ronni Davis - 18-year-old Devon longs for two things.The stars. And the boy she fell in love with last summer. Senior year, Ashton shows up on the first day of school. Can she forgive him and open her heart again? Or are they doomed to repeat history?

Wicked Fox by Kat Cho - After 18-year-old Miyoung Gu, a nine-tailed fox surviving in modern-day Seoul by eating the souls of evil men, kills a murderous goblin to save Jihoon, she is forced to choose between her immortal life and his.

With the Fire on High by Elizabeth Acevedo - With her daughter to care for and her abuela to help support, high school senior and aspiring chef Emoni Santiago has to make the tough decisions. But even with all the rules she has for her life — and all the rules everyone expects her to play by — once Emoni starts cooking, her only real choice is to let her talent break free. 

You Must Be Layla by Yasmin Abdel-Magied - Layla's mind goes a million miles a minute, so does her mouth. Despite the setback of a high school suspension, Layla's determined to show everyone that she does deserve her scholarship and sets her sights on winning a big invention competition. But where to begin? Looking outside and in, Layla will need to come to terms with who she is and who she wants to be if she has any chance of succeeding.

[niall-is-my-dream]

Power Over Me - Part Two

Thanks to @heart-attack-harry and @lizziespidiepridie for your help.

Catch up on part one below

https://niall-is-my-dream.tumblr.com/post/188083232033/power-over-me

"I wanna be king in your story I wanna know who you are I want your heart to beat for me Oh I"

3k words

Your eyes were struggling to open up this morning. Puffy from crying like a loser last night over a guy who is clearly an arsehole. Reliving the whole thing in your head had you pulling the covers up and hiding beneath them, wanting to hide away for the rest of your Sunday. 

But you knew you shouldn't.

Dragging yourself from your bed you managed to navigate your way to the bathroom, running the tap and splashing your face with warm water. Patting your face dry, you looked in the mirror above the sink and saw your face. 

You looked a right state. 

You needed paracetamol, a coffee and a two week vacation somewhere hot.

Preferably by yourself where you could wallow in your own self pity.

Sadly you'd have to make do with your sofa.

After making yourself a coffee and some toast you sat your bum on the sofa, turning on the tv and browsing the channels, you found some housey type programme. You know the ones where they want the cafe culture life in London but on a shoestring budget, then complain it's a two bed flat rather than a 3 bed house they'd dreamed off.

Well those twats can fuck off you thought as you switched the channels to an old episode of Friends. The One With The Prom Video, great. Basically the one where after years of lusting over Rachel, Ross finally wins her over by his sweet antics from when they were teenagers. 

A nice happy ending.

Well that can fuck off to.

You turned it off in the end, choosing to sit in silence and eat.

Your phone was on the coffee table with your bag and keys, exactly where you had left it last night when you'd got in. It had been ringing constantly on your journey home and the taxi driver had even commented about you not answering it.

After a quick text to Deo as promised to tell him you were home safe, you'd turned it off and left it. 

Now it was slowly torturing you.

A sucker for punishment, you moved to turn it on. The screen lit up and showed you how many missed calls, texts and voice messages you had.

A reply from Deo telling you to sleep well and to text him if you wanted to talk.

You didn't.

A couple from your friends who you'd been out with, asking you what was going on and that they hoped you were safely home.

And 23 messages from Niall.

13 missed calls. 

And 5 voice messages.

You didn't bother to read them and you hastily deleted them all without reading them. Same with the voice messages. Delete.

You didn't feel any better after doing it, the coffee and toast slathered in butter hadn't even helped how you were feeling. It wasn't a hangover or troubled night sleep that was causing you pain. 

It was your heart.

You were shamefully heartbroken at what had happened. Shameful because you had vowed since Lewis Burns broke up with you in Year Ten that you would never ever let a guy hurt you like that again. Granted you had been 15 at the time but it was a value that ten years later you still tried to follow.

Your heart felt heavy and it both scared you and annoyed you.

You just need some time to cool off and get over him.

Letting out a huge sigh you gathered up your plate and mug and took them to the kitchen. Opening up Spotify, you put some tunes on and started tidying up your flat. Washing up, making your bed, putting a load of washing in, it was all a distraction. A much needed one and it was working. When it was all done you grabbed your book and headed for a bath.

Throughout your day your phone beeped with messages, when you saw Niall's name you just deleted them. But as the afternoon went on, you opened up his contact and blocked him. Tears had followed and you ended up going to bed at 9pm. Your Sunday had turned out to be a quiet and lonely one, but something that was very much needed. 

Turning off your alarm the next day, you couldn't be bothered to get out of bed. But you had a meeting at 9am and another at 11am, and you had some prep to do.

The mornings routine was basically just going through the motions. You still felt like absolute shite, the heavy feeling in your heart hadn't even remotely subsided. After taking a hot shower you dressed and ate a quick breakfast, not even bothering to put the radio on like you normally did. Good luck to anyone who came in contact with you today.

The tube as usual was busy and you were squashed in amongst all the other commuters. By the time you'd arrived at your station your mood was getting worse. It hit its peak when you walked into your building and saw bimbo bambi on the front desk. She had a stupid smirk on her face that was definitely aimed at you as you walked past her. 

Luckily she had been on the phone and hadn't been able to speak to you. You were in no mood to be dealing with her high pitched squeaky voice this morning. How in the hell she had got the job as receptionist at the Recruitment Agency you worked at you will never know. You got the impression she couldn't even spell her own name. Which was Nina by the way. Bimbo bambi was just a nasty, horrible nickname that you and Annie from the second floor had come up with. Bullying wasn't something you condoned, but she didn't know that was her nickname and so she couldn't be offended if she didn't even know it. You were always polite to her and smiled nicely whenever she interacted with you. But she was definitely not a friend of yours and would never be one.

The reason behind her smirk became apparent when you saw the huge bouquet of flowers on your desk when you walked into your office.

Pausing in the doorway, you didn't want to go over to them. A few faces of your colleagues were smiling at you. Jack the office playboy was the first to speak, asking you who your new fella was. Choosing to ignore him, you walked to your desk dumping down your bag and looking at the arrangement.

The bouquet was beautiful, a mixture of light pink and cream flowers. A sealed note was attached to the cellophane wrap. Looking around as you opened it, a simple message was written.

Please can we talk x

Shoving the card in your bag, you didn't have time to even think about it now. You had a meeting with a company about helping them with recruitment in exactly 28 minutes. A large coffee was needed and you needed to gather all your prep together.

Dwelling on the card and over thinking about it would have to wait.

********

Your 9am meeting went well and you were back at your desk finishing the prep for the next one when your work phone rang. Seeing it was the reception office you let out a frustrated sigh before putting on your most polite voice.

"Hello?"

"Elizabeth, You have a visitor?" Nina said.

"Oh they're early." You replied looking at your watch and seeing 10:35am.

"No, it's not your next appointment."

Your heart sank.

Please no.

"You didn't tell me you were friends with Niall Horan?!" She whispered excitedly down the phone.

"Well it never came up in conversation." You replied quickly. "Please tell him I'm super busy and that I have a meeting at 11."

"Oh ok, will do." She replied, and you hung up before she could answer any further.

You were fuming, first the flowers then turning up at your work. Did he think that was the way to get you to listen? Well he was sadly mistaken.

Running your fingers across your temples you willed the anger to go away. You still had work to do. You'd managed to distract yourself this morning with the potential business that your meetings could secure. Letting him get into your head was not needed right now.

Breathing out a massive sigh, you looked up at your computer to continue answering some emails. That's when you saw him. 

Strolling through your floor coming for your office, attracting the attention of every single person. His casual attire of dark jeans and blue t-shirt being the biggest factor.

Fuck he looked so good.

His face was unreadable, something that was strange to you considering you'd known him 6 years. You had always been able to read him. 

But not today.

You stood up from your desk as he strolled into your office, closing the door firmly behind him.

"Niall...."

"Why haven't you answered my messages?" He asked you bluntly.

"Because I didn't want to." You replied in the same manner.

"You've not even read them, and the last ones I've tried to send you bounced back. Have you blocked me?!"

"Yes, and yet you still didn't get the hint." You said as you gestured towards the flowers.

"I just...... " He began but you cut him off.

"Look Niall, I can't do this right now. I have a meeting in 15 minutes to get ready for. To be honest I don't even want to have this conversation with you at all."

You were being rude now, desperate to save face. Your heart was pounding in your chest, it ached to reach over and touch him, but you held back when you remembered Saturday night. His cocky behaviour had infuriated you, but his lost looking face right now was making you feel guilty. But only for a split second before you remembered how hurt you were, how embarrassed and ashamed you'd felt.

Holding back the tears was becoming harder and you really needed him to leave before he saw how broken you were. The tough exterior you were trying to show him was crumbling.

"So, you don't even want to talk to me about what happened?" He asked you his voice calm.

"No."

This was a lie, well sort of. You did want answers from him but not now. You weren't ready.

He shook his head and started to look annoyed which infuriated you even more. He had no right coming into your office, surely the ignoring his calls and messages was enough of a hint for him, but apparently not.

You'd have to have a word with Nina in a subtle way to get her to actually listen to you when you need someone to go away.

"This isn't over." He said as he left.

"It never started." You replied.

**********

The second meeting had been ok, luckily it was a meeting with a client already on your books, because your mind had been elsewhere. 

Niall strolling into your office was not something that you had even been remotely prepared for. Seeing him had effecting you far more than you had thought. It was a silly crush and you needed to get over it.

It would be easy, he travelled a lot and he had a lot of friends. You were sure you could dodge seeing him, you'd probably lay low for a few weeks and avoid the dreaded conversation with your mutual friends.

Willie's voice asking Niall what the hell he had done to you, was still stuck in your head, he had messaged you today asking if you were ok. Willie had taken on the big brother role in the group and as one of the youngest you had been happy to have him care and support you. Deo had sort of become the annoying brother, but he had shown his caring side to when he helped you in a taxi on Saturday night. Neither had pushed you to talk and you appreciated it.

As you had got into the office early that morning you decided to head off at 5. Your head was still pounding and after taking some painkillers you tidied away your desk and grabbed your bag.

Nina was sitting at her desk on reception when you went past.

"I'm heading off now Nina so if anyone calls they will need to leave a message." You informed her.

"Got dinner with a certain someone?!" She replied with a wink.

God she was annoying.

"Not that it's any of your business but no."

"Oh it's just he's been outside in his car for the last half an hour."

"What?"

"Niall Horan." She said continuing to smirk.

"Spreading gossip isn't tolerated here. And not following orders from me when I ask not to be disturbed while I'm prepping for an important meeting is also a problem."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything by it."

"I know, but Niall is my friend and he's incredibly private. Please don't start making something out of nothing." You replied, defending him. He might have pissed you off, but you couldn't help but be protective.

"I am really sorry, I wouldn't spread gossip I promise. And I'll follow your orders about visitors from now on." She replied looking absolutely petrified of you.

"Thankyou, I'll see you in the morning." You said.

She mumbled a nervous goodbye as you left the building. You spied his car out the corner of your eye, what was he thinking hanging around waiting for you?

Walking quickly in the opposite direction towards the tube station, you hoped he hadn't spotted you.  

But of course he fucking had.

He called out your name, but you headed down the street winding in between the crowds. You knew he wouldn't follow you, wouldn't risk being seen chasing a woman down the street. In today's world, cameras were in your pockets and footage could be uploaded online for everyone to see in seconds.

He definitely wouldn't do that.

You reached the tube station, swiping your oyster card you made your way through the station to your platform, breathing a sigh of relief at having avoided him again.

The walk back from the station wasn't long and you called into little Tesco Express to get a microwave meal and a bottle of wine. You definitely couldn't be bothered to cook tonight. It when you were approaching your building that you saw his car in the car park.

Fuck.

You managed to avoid him and sneak around the back. There were two entrances to your block, accessing the way through the gate and the shared garden, you let yourself in hopeful that he hadn't seen you.

But it didn't matter, he hadn't been waiting in his car. He was waiting at your door.

Your heart sank.

After a rollercoaster day of emotions and a heavy workload you could cry just at the sight of him. You didn't have anymore fight in you to argue and you knew you'd crumble. 

The sight of him leaning against your door, knocked the breath out of you. His face looking straight ahead, the sound of you walking up the steps caused him to turn.

His face once again had that annoyed look, and you couldn't believe the cheek of it. How dare he look annoyed after how he had behaved.

Walking up to your door, he didn't move. Your eyes met his and the annoyed look was gone, replaced by one that was pleading with you. He knew you'd ask him to leave and he would fight you until you agreed to hear him out.

Moving closer to him, you were just inches away as you raised your right hand above his shoulder and put your key in the lock.

"Please talk to me. Let me explain." He whispered.

Your body betrayed you as your eyes filled with tears.

Turning the key, you unlocked the door and moved sideways to get around him. He was right behind you, walking into your flat as you were taking the key out the lock. Strolling in like it was perfectly ok to do after everything that had happened.

Shutting the door, not acknowledging him you put your shopping bag on the side. Carefully taking out your meal and your wine. You could sense him at the doorway as you took off your coat and sorted out your bag.

"Are you going to let me explain?" He asked his voice calm and low.

"Doesn't look like I have any choice does it?!" You scoffed aware that he could probably hear the way you were choked up.

"Why are you being like this?" He asked you.

"Like what Niall? An arsehole? Not nice is it?" You replied allowing your face to be seen, no longer hiding behind your long hair.

His eyes widened when he saw your face and upon hearing your words.

"I'm sorry."

"Doesn't matter."

"It does matter. I'm not good at this."

"Good at what exactly?"

"Talking about this sort of stuff."

"Then why are you here, why have you been messaging me, coming to my office and waiting outside my work? I specifically told you I didn't want to talk to you. Did you not listen or are you just trying to humiliate me even more?"

Silence.

You couldn't even look at him, choosing to walk past him and out to the hall, hanging your coat up on the hook on the wall.

"I think you should go." You said, eyes brimming with tears. You knew he was right behind you and you couldn't bare to turn around and face him.

"Not until you've let me explain."

"There's nothing to explain, it was a mistake. It shouldn't have happened. Done. Now you can go."

"Elizabeth."

"No, I can't deal with you right now. Please just go." You begged.

"I didn't mean to leave that night, I don't know why I left you to wake up alone."

You moved towards the door, opening it, unable to bare being near him. His scent was invading your senses and you couldn't take it anymore.

"Let me know when you figure out why you did." You said and he moved towards you.

Your eyes couldn't meet his as he looked at you before walking out the door.

Part Three

https://niall-is-my-dream.tumblr.com/post/188384634468/power-over-me-part-three

[emphasis-all-mine]

Paper Skin Trivia/Headcanons

Well, here’s my (abbreviated) Paper Skin headcanon/trivia lists for the main characters. Let me know if you have any questions or want me to expand any more?

Lance

Cuban and Spanish, raised by his Mom and Grandma, came to US when he was 4.

06/21 ETA: Born a werewolf, as were his brothers and sister (werewolf bloodlines in this AU are Matrilineal and he's descended of only wolfmothers, more on that soooooon).

Refers to Cindy as Mama Garrett and Henry by his first name because he is still a little detached (was raised without his dad present in Cuba so it feels weird)

Loves to climb trees and go up high, instinctively longs to climb mountains.

Didn't do that great at school so he decided to put off college and wound up becoming a jack-of-all-trades and a self-taught chef.

Cooking helps him remember his mother, makes him feel closer to her.

Is a cat person, doesn't like dogs and especially hates coyotes and jackals instinctively. (Will try to maul a jackal on sight. Coyotes just get angry growls.)

LOVES cats of all kinds. Will befriend mountain lions during full moon much to their surprise, or break into a zoo and make nice with all the big cats if left unattended.

Okay so one time when he was a teenager he got into the Bronx Zoo and first tried to chill with the leopards/black panther in the jungle exhibit but it was closed, then he tried to go see the snow leopards & the tigers but couldn't get into their enclosures. Somehow figured out how to get to the Lions.

He mauled a rare deer and dragged it into the Lion enclosure to present to them and become an honorary member of the pride. 

The Garretts and some other members of their pack had to break in and drag him away

The Lions were not happy that they lost their new pack member but got over it.

Whenever he visits the zoo as a guest you could SWEAR they recognize him and call out to him.

When he's a wolf he prefers deer or other hoofed mammals and second favorite is rodents. (Ends up eating birds just because of his natural tree-climbing instincts. Also he knows Hunk likes them so he brings him pigeons and quails.)

All time favorite thing he's eaten as a wolf was a Moose that he caught for Keith (will explain in a future chapter) with a very lost and confused Caribou as a runner up.

Least favorite is crow or birds of prey but he gets short-sighted when he's wolfy and sometimes just hunts for the thrill of it. He's taken down a red-tailed hawk and an Eagle owl.

Favorite music: Shakira (prefers her ¿Dónde Están Los Ladrones?-era stuff), Gorillaz, TV on the Radio, Robyn, Rihanna

Keith

Was brought into the Shirogane clan at around age 12/13.

Identifies as Asian-American since his Dad was part Korean but does not know where his mom came from. Assumes she was of a mixed background as well.

His dad was sired by Akira Kogane, who was of Chinese and Japanese descent so he wonders if that filters down with vampire progeny?

Speaks very little Japanese, enough to answer Shiro if he uses a well-known phrase but not enough to converse

Has a recurring nightmare where tree branches start growing out of his throat and choke him

Really wants a motorcycle but will settle for a car of his own. Doesn't want Shiro to buy it, he's saving his own money.

He's actually a very good driver and Shiro will let him drive his vehicles.

Studied outside of school with help from coven members that were teachers as also some help from Pidge and the Holts so he was able to get his GED at 19

Very glad he has Umbra for a pet because she is very good at helping him figure out the time of day based on her behavior and feeding habits (yes he forgets that his phone will tell him the time and weather conditions because he is so used to living completely indoors)

Has a bug-out room in the apartment he shares with Lance. It's much bigger than the closet corner and has room for some emergency supplies and he's put up some corkboards on the walls.

Prefers type O blood and tries to avoid AB because it's like OJ with pulp (there's too much extra antigens in it). Loves pork blood when it's Lance's recipe.

Favorite music: Dolly Parton, The Cure, MCR, Siouxsie & the Banshees and PJ Harvey

Hunk

Born a werewolf, mostly Grey wolf but there's some Asian/Japanese wolf ancestry

Full name is Tsuyoshi Garrett (born Tsuyoshi Seido but had it legally changed when Henry Garrett adopted him)

His mom is Cynthia Tsukiyama-Garrett, and birth father is Tsutomo "Tommy" Seido

He considers Henry Garrett his Dad, hence why he took his last name instead of going by Seido or changing it to Tsukiyama

Henry gave Hunk his nickname after his half-brothers teased him about being a "runt"

Was great at school and did some undergrad at Hunter, then left to go to culinary school.

He finished culinary school and worked at his Mom's bar while trying to figure out if he really wanted to work in a fancy restaurant that wouldn't give him time away for full moon stuff

First time he met Shay he choked on his own spit because his mouth went dry and he nearly passed out

Second time was a better impression, his little sisters both caught the flu and were in wolf-form and was finally able to be his sweet charming self because he was so focused on his sisters' well-being that he forgot to freak out that the pretty veterinarian was smiling at him.

Had a full blown panic attack when he cooked for Shay without knowing she was a vegetarian and inadvertently won her heart with how caring and concerned he was.

Is practicing making Kushari because Shay's family is Egyptian and he wants to impress them. He already makes fantastic hummus.

His preferred food as a wolf is any kind of fowl (sparrow, chicken, turkey, etc.) Secretly loves peacock, but resists the urge to break back into St. John the Divine's Cathedral to snarf one up.

Least favorite food as a wolf is any kind of seafood or fish. Loves them as a human but finds them too bony and briny when wolfed-out.

Favorite music: Matt and Kim, LCD Soundsystem, Beck, The Hold Steady, Broken Social Scene

Pidge

Irish-Italian, her parents are very lapsed Catholics

Currently in High School and will end up at Columbia after timeskip

Needs to study an animal before trying to shift. Often pictures or online video is enough but really does prefer to be up close and personal so she can nail any vocalizations that the audio distorts or doesn't quite catch.

Her dad has a mastery of most animal forms and also can do inanimate objects. Pidge will work on that next. It takes a lot of concentration and holding her breath 

Keith is her favorite because he'll support her delinquency (he doesn't realize it) and she likes helping him figure societal conventions out. They talk or visit at least once a week if not more.

Pidge would make Keith do her homework as a way of home-schooling him (and it also reinforced whatever she was learning, meaning she'd ace every subject and test), it dropped off after Keith got his GED and started working. Schoolwork still is rather easy for her after so many years of teaching herself good study habits by tutoring Keith.

Shiro being ageless is a stable presence in her life, but she thinks of him as more of her brother's friend or like an eccentric uncle

(Pidge has many eccentric uncles and aunts due to her family being half fae descendants, and half metahumans)

Her favorite food is pancakes. Least favorite is eggplant.

Favorite music: Zoë Keating, Tricky, Portishead, Massive Attack, Modest Mouse 

Allura

Was introduced to the underground supernatural community of NYC by her godfather, Coran.

Born and raised in London. Westbourne Gardens area.

Came to the US on student visa and goes to grad school for biochem. Phlebotomy is a way for her to make money and help out Shiro, as Coran's family has known of his for years

No, she doesn't know why Coran has that accent even though he's lived in Brooklyn for as long as she knows

Her pet "mice" are actually Degus. She likes carrying them around in her pockets or purse, they are very well-behaved.

She's never going to bring them NEAR Lance because she knows how much he loves eating fuzzy little rodents

Her favorite food is Candy Floss, least favorite is tomatoes.

Favorite music: Nina Simone, Lana Del Rey, anything Stevie Nicks has done, Ms. Dynamite and Kylie Minogue

Shiro

Names all his businesses after vampire things because he believes in hiding in plain sight (Shuten-dōji was the yokai/vampire that turned him)

Didn't return to his hometown after being turned into a vampire. Was too ashamed and scared he would hurt them. His neighbors and friends assumed he died in the Great Tenmei famine.

Despite his issues with aging, he's tried dying his hair but it looks awful so he just leaves the white streak

Was a very good horseback rider in his youth. Joined the military and was a skilled fighter.

It took a while for him to adjust to motor vehicles. He hit Hunk's grandmother with his car, (but that's how he found the Tsukiyama pack so it worked out and she was fine.)

First cat was named Bobō, a calico. Current cat is Kikō, a tabby.

Prefers type B blood but will settle for O or AB. Type A makes him sneeze after he eats.

Not really a music fan, prefers quiet. He really liked jazz when he first heard it so he sometimes puts on very old, worn-out LPs.

He answers to Takashi or Shiro. Shi-kun or Shi-chan to friends that use his honorifics, later Shiro-kun or Shiro-chan, when he took the nickname referring to the white streak in his hair.

He still has a bad habit of not responding if people address him by Shirogane alone.

(Because "Shirogane-san" was his twin's preferred name)

[leonardmccoyofficial]

Putting boundaries in place feels bad and I don’t like it, but I know it’s necessary and helps me grow in the long run. I called mom like 7 times last night and she didn’t answer once, but she just called me high as a kite and wanted to talk about getting the chair taken out of the front yard and reminisce about Ms. Becky and it just made me upset. She’s still living in those times and I can’t get her to leave them bc she’s afraid, so she just makes both of our lives much more stressful and chaotic. Like it’s midnight and she’s just calling me for the first time today… when sherry calls she answers every time, but when I call it’s like it doesn’t even connect to her phone, but that’s not true bc I can see she’s active and on her device, just not talking to me. This shit makes me wonder about all of the psychological damage I’ve been on the receiving end of because of her just not wanting to be a parent. I think about coming home by myself every day since i was in the 4th grade bc she never wanted to come and get me from school, from any social event, from a friends house etc. I think about all the times she abandoned me or lost her temper and how all of this has shaped the scared, withdrawn person I have become. But I continue to give and give and give to her until I’m empty and she calls me a bitch and slaps me again. Until she makes like it never happened and we’re best friends, again… After jack used me for negro field day practice, i feel small and useless. Like I can put effort into anyone and they still won’t care, won’t see me. I’ve given so much of myself away in this lifetime that I hardly know who I am anymore and it’s so hard trying to come back to pieces of myself and put them together. It feels like I took a bunch of different puzzzles from different eras in my life and jumbled them altogether. Like trying to put them together will never work no matter how hard I try. I feel fake trying to reach out to people from my past bc of how far forward they have moved in comparison to myself, feels like I’m trying to hard for a connection that expired. Reaching out to new people is scary, not bc of rejection, but because of the potential loss. After things with Sachi going south recently, it feels like I’ve been playing a big game with myself. A nice round of “How Long Can You Keep This Shit Up?” Which I always lose bc the answer is always, not very long. But being told you’re manipulative and a bad friend by someone who’s been really close to your heart, is deeply hurtful and disappointing. I want to say I’m hurt, but it’s more like I can feel my heart trying to bury this and move on. Like if this is the way people are going to treat me then I should just retreat back into my solitude, where it’s safe. I’ve been feeling lonely but I always hear Hindz saying “you’re never alone, bc you’re always in great company” and it does help, it just hurts. I want to be vulnerable with people and know that it will be safe, but I keep trying and it keeps becoming something I regret later down the line. I’m starting to wonder, what’s wrong with me? Nina asked me if I think my being upset has anything to do with Dellar going mia and I didn’t respond yet. The answer is obvious, it plays a part, but it’s more an a chain of events I would have never expected to happen in my lifetime and it’s impacted me pretty seriously. It’s been rough recently because I feel like I’m always changing, but I haven’t been able to keep track of the growth and really give it any appreciation in the past few years bc I have to work so hard to maintain my life, maintain my few relationships. If I am honest though, it’s deeply hard still going, and trying to be positive in the past few months. I feel so stuck, like I’m wasting time and money and making no progress in much of anything. I feel afraid to go out and do things again, like my confidence is a helium balloon with no string, one slip up and it’s gone again. While that’s normal, it’s just been feeling like the tank is running low and I’m running out of balloons?

[mellomedia]

Mental Health Crisis in Media

This month’s blog post for Media & Society class is a good fit for what many people are dealing with during this never ending pandemic - the mental health crisis. Our list of films to watch were American Psycho, Donnie Darko, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, Black Swan, and Parasite. Mental health is something we all need to talk more about. We’ve come a long way since 1975 when One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest was produced, but sadly there’s still many misconceptions about mental health. Most people associate mental health with violent behavior. The vast majority of people with mental health problems are no more likely to be violent than anyone else (“Mental Health Myth,” 2017). 

In all of these films, the main characters are coping with a mental health issue. All of them go through a stage of catharsis by the end of the film. Once again, I learned a new word - catharsis. According to Dictionary.com, it is defined as the process of releasing and/or relieving from stronger repressed emotions. The purpose of catharsis is to bring about some form of positive change in the individual's life (Cherry, 2020). Since mental illness is so complex, there are many interpretations of what each viewer thinks someone went through by the end of each film. If you haven’t seen any of the films above, I’ll warn you now about spoiler alerts. 

For this assignment we were asked to pick two out of the five films mentioned above, explain the ending of each, and then discuss the connections between these films and their ambiguous endings. I’ll also explain whether I thought each main character went through catharsis. I decided to go with the two films I felt were more challenging for me to understand. I’d also like to add that the two films I’m going to write about really opened my mind to a deeper awareness of mental health. Chan School Dean Michelle Williams makes a powerful statement about mental health during the pandemic. “The past year has been terribly damaging to our collective mental health,” Williams said. “There is no vaccine for mental illness - It will be months, if not years before we are fully able to grasp the scope of the mental health issues born out of this pandemic” (Powell, 2021). Even though these films were all produced pre-pandemic, they provide a better understanding of what someone with mental health issues go through. 

First on my list is One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. The ending of this film definitely had multiple meanings. And I think it had many meanings based on how you perceived McMurphy’s existence at the mental hospital. The way I saw it, McMurphy was the ‘cool guy’ that the other patients looked up to. Throughout the film he shows the other patients they aren’t as mental as Nurse Ratched makes them feel. He “frees” each patient of their mental health issue by having them step out of their comfort zone and literally out of the mental hospital. One part that really gave me a whole different insight of mental illness is when McMurphy hi-jacked a bus with all the patients on it and brought them on a boat ride. As they board the boat, the owner of the shipyard approaches them asking who they are. McMurphy introduces them one by one, “Dr. Martini, Dr. Taber… .” Instead of mental patients THEY were the doctors. As he said each man’s name, they stood tall and proud. It really was a cool moment in the film. I was actually cheering for them in my head. Fast forward to the end of the film, McMurphy ends up getting punished for hosting an out of control party at the mental hospital. 

Normally the punishment would be shock therapy, but this time it was a frontal lobotomy. Chief is one of the patients that McMurphy became close with. They planned on escaping the mental facility together after the party. But when Chief saw McMurphy’s scars from the lobotomy, he knew he’d never be himself again. To “free” McMurphy, Chief suffocates him to death, just as McMurphy freed each of the patients he met during his stay. By freed, I mean they were temporarily freed of their mental health disorders, their fears, their anxieties. I do believe that the ending was cathartic for McMurphy. He was released of the suffering he would have to live with after the lobotomy. I was really hoping the ending went like this: McMurphy’s punishment was the usual shock therapy...Chief wakes him up and the two escape. In the closing scene you’d see them walking away from the mental health facility. But the actual ending had much more meaning and made me really understand mental health further. I have a very open mind about mental health issues - I never judge. But this film gave me a deeper understanding of how misunderstood mental health is. Each of the mental patients was dealing with their own anxiety - but how it is handled is key. Nurse Ratched kept each of them in their shell while “think outside the box” McMurphy put their anxiety right in front of them. With mental health, we really need to think outside the box more.

Next on my list is Black Swan. While we caught glimpses of Nina’s dual personality, it was in our face by the end of the film. Nina’s doppelganger is shown through the use of mirrors. We see how she sees herself and at times we see the evil side of her that is emerging. The mirror presented to her the darkness within herself that metaphorically depicted the evolution into the black swan (Nelson, 2013). The pain she inflicted on other people was actually herself. Between Nina being so repressed from herself, and her mom, she really had no chance of escaping her mental state. In my opinion, this film showed how mental health might be a coping mechanism. Nina’s mom kept her in a secluded, isolated world. Nina’s repression was learned from the person she was closest to - her mom. But as Lily and Thomas try to pull Nina out of her confined world, she starts to hurt herself. She’s only able to become the Black Swan after she stabs her perfect white swan self. The way I look at it, once Nina freed herself of who she was, she became who she wanted to be - the perfect ballerina who could fulfill the role of a lifetime. Unfortunately that freedom was death. As with McMurphy, Nina’s motives also led to catharsis by the end of the film. I was hoping that her catharsis was in her head and that she finally achieved her dual role of the swan. But in reality the only way Nina could do that was out of self mutilation and eventually suicide. So obviously I was hoping for a different ending of Black Swan, but it would not have had the eye-opening impact into the reality of mental health. 

What connects these two films is their ambiguous endings. I think it’s actually symbolic that a film about mental health has more than one interpretation. Mental health is a complex issue, which would only make sense for the film’s ending to be just as complex. As I mentioned already, I would have written happier endings where Nina realizes she can be both the black and white swan and McMurphy leaves the mental hospital with Chief. But then what would I have learned by endings like that? That everyone gets cured from mental health? That mental health is easy to overcome and prevent? It would send the wrong message. In fact it would send a stereotypical message that people struggling with mental health can easily be ‘fixed.��� Many people don’t understand the very basic concept of mental health - your brain is in control - often there is a chemical imbalance or genetic predisposition to mental health problems (newroadstrmnt, 2018). If you think you know what mental health is and looks like, I urge you to watch these films. They both really showed me a side of mental health I wasn’t aware of.  

On a side note, during this pandemic I learned about a very close friend who is going through depression. I had absolutely zero clue he was dealing with this. Just like I didn’t realize at first what Nina was dealing with. I am relieved he is talking to a professional and getting help. But I also know that might not be enough. I don’t harp on it but I always ask him how things are. If he’s having a bad day, I remind him he doesn’t have to deal with anything alone. If you have a friend that is struggling with something, don’t walk away from them. Just be there and listen. Remind them that it’s nothing to be embarrassed about and reaching out for help takes a lot of courage. 

Below is a photo of myself I tried some effects on. I was trying to find artwork to share that shows an imbalance of the brain - although that wasn’t my intention when I created it. 

Artwork by Marcello Laudato, 2017.