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ootahime · 3 years ago

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analyzing every gojohime moment in the manga p2

part 1 is here :3

this post includes more excruciatingly long paragraphs so grab urself something and enjoy LOL

chapter 40

i know they’re not interacting in this panel but i still want to bring it up. i’m gonna give some context to this scene in case someone needs to jog their memory. so basically, mei’s ability to command crows is what allows the staff to observe the students from afar. however, gojo notices that there’s lack of footage where yuuji is and asks mei why that’s so. she tells him that they’re animals at the end of the day so she can’t control what they look at. he doesn’t believe her so he asks her whose side she’s on (for yuuji’s execution vs against yuuji’s execution) to which she responds with, “whose side? i’m on the side with money, of course. there’s no value in something that can’t be bought since you can’t exchange that for money.” in other words, she’ll always choose the side that offers her more money because she doesn’t care about how morally “correct” or “incorrect” something is. it’s not worth fighting for a cause that doesn’t benefit her in the long run which is why she views things that are unable to be bought (friendships, relationships, favors) as useless - they can’t be exchanged for money. it’s clear that gojo knows she’s not on his side because he replies with, “spoken from experience!” or “i wonder how much!” (translation varies). he says it out loud to perhaps let gakuganji know that he’s onto him. i find it interesting how utahime is in the panel as well with a “?” to express her confusion at his words. let’s overthink dissect that. why is she there in the first place? if the message was to let gakuganji know that gojo is aware of his ulterior motives then a panel with gakuganji and gojo would have sufficed. why add utahime with a question mark?

here’s a personal headcanon of mine that makes no absolute sense, but who cares? it makes me happy LOL. so let’s examine the panel. gojo’s face is more simplified and cartoonish with a grey background on top and some sort of white bubble surrounding the three characters. gakuganji is staring at utahime and gojo. in the official viz translation, he replies to mei with, “i wonder how much!”

normal and logical explanation: shading the principal by asking out loud how much mei was paid by him to avoid monitoring yuuji.

gojohime brainrot explanation:

mei: “there’s no value in something that can’t be bought since you can’t exchange that for money”

gojo: (in response) i wonder how much utahime’s love would cost if it did have a price.

utahime: ?

you’re probably thinking i’m delulu (true) BUT HEAR ME OUT. IT WOULD SOMEWHAT MAKE SENSE IN THIS CONTEXT...

mei’s saying seems to be what she lives by. relationships, love, friendships, etc. do not matter to her as this is evident when she ultimately abandons everyone in shibuya to escape to malaysia, selling all her stocks before japan’s economy goes down. she doesn’t care about anyone else. she even takes advantage of ui ui’s adoration for her. she contrasts utahime. utahime is loved by her students. children, especially teenagers, are picky when it comes to choosing the adults they admire and respect. while everyone trusts gojo, they do not respect him because of his childishness and overall absurdity. it’s refreshing to see how they always call him an idiot or have a -_- face when he’s around. when akutami says everyone absolutely adores utahime-sensei, it says a lot. we haven’t seen her interact with her students all that much, but she’s obviously close to them because she’s frequently arguing with momo. even a closed off person like mechamaru wanted to keep her away from danger. she most certainly expresses a lot of concern and care for her students, and gojo and her students can pick up on this.

i’ve talked about this in every post LOLOL but there’s a reason why he went to utahime first to help him investigate. utahime is a loyal person through and through. she would never do something that harms the students even if she was offered everything in the world. she values relationships above everything else. besides her concern for the students, how else was i able to come to this conclusion about her character? well, she got shoko to stop smoking because she was worried about how it might damage her friend’s health. from these two details, it’s obvious that she’s the complete opposite of mei.

maybe that’s why he calls her weak. she’s too selfless and compassionate in a world where every sorcerer is for themselves. the world is cruel as a sorcerer. no matter how hard you try to fight, in the end, you’ll always die alone. remember his talk with megumi after the baseball game? after witnessing megumi pull a sacrificial bunt to help his teammates advance, gojo has a talk with megumi about his attitude and potential. he says that being selfless and caring about others is not a bad thing, but in a world like this, where people always die alone, he is wasting his potential by being concerned with others. it’s okay to be selfish. this is why we see fierce independence in a lot of the sorcerers like mei, nanami, and gojo. they each have their own reasons as to why they work alone, but it’s still a common characteristic. i feel like utahime doesn’t have a selfish bone in her body. i speculate that her selflessness is the exact reason why she is being held back. during her mission to exorcise a grade 1 spirit by herself, the final task before being promoted to grade 1, she likely got distracted trying to help civilians out of danger and failed her mission. he’s right when he says she doesn’t have the guts to be the traitor, utahime doesn’t have it in her to do something so boldly solely for her own benefit.

after this long tangent, how does this relate to your headcanon, ootahime?

as you know, love is not transactional. you can’t pay someone to love you. what if gojo is asking himself how much it would cost to buy her love. hence, her confusion because she is oblivious to what he really means. it could be probable because gakuganji is observing not only gojo, but utahime as well. so what gojo says must involve her too, right?

or she could just be confused because his words seem out of place because she is unaware of what gakuganji is doing behind everyone’s back. that explanation makes sense for viz’s official translation but it doesn’t make sense when he says, “spoken from experience!” because his words make sense in that context. he’s basically saying that mei’s beliefs must be based on her past experiences so he understands why she feels this way. that’s an appropriate response to mei’s statement so i don’t see why utahime would be confused by this. unless i’m interpreting this whole scene completely wrong. in that case, whoopsies!

let me know if you’re confused because i’m willing to clarify. idk why but i found this really difficult to explain. maybe because i’m reaching so hard haha

chapter 40

he finds any way he can to tease her. they seem like a married couple watching a movie or something. does he take pride in being the only person she doesn’t get along with? i mean, she says it herself so he is aware she thinks he’s annoying, but he keeps picking on her anyway. he doesn’t even pick on his enemies this much LMAOOO i think the only other person he likes to make fun of is gakuganji but he does so because he doesn’t agree with his views. with utahime it’s different. he trusts her a lot and even looks out for her.

chapter 44

why are there two separate instances of gakuganji observing utahime and gojo’s interactions from afar? nah i’m just playing. he’s just looking because he’s concerned she’ll run into the semi-grade 1 curse he had for yuuji. OKAY BUT I NOTICED SOMETHING KINDA CUTE? whenever utahime says something suddenly, he always has those 3 little triangles near his head. it’s like he’s thinking, “oh! utahime is speaking, i must listen <3″ look at his face too. he’s looking at her like :O

this is also an example of her showcasing her concern for the students in front of gojo. i feel like he questions why she’s so caring because if it were him, he would have left the student to figure it out themselves. i really wonder how she would react if he answered her truthfully when she asked what he’d do if she were the traitor.

chapter 45

there’s not much to say here...they’re just cute. i know it’ll never happen but i’d like to see them fight side by side one day. i’m aware that gojo works best alone but i just want to see how they’d work together, okay? 😔

chapter 45

see the little triangles on his head again? UGH SO CUTE.

chapter 45

IS THIS NOT INTENTIONAL??? they share the same thoughts. he even finished her thought. mannnnnnnnnnnnn what is akutami doing? giving us false hope and stripping it away just for fun? making them work so well together for what??

chapter 52

cute how he looks out for her. i have nothing more to say LOL

chapter 53

notice how they’re sitting across from each other? HEHE

chapter 53

yet another instance of her caring for her students in front of gojo. in the anime she has the cutest expression when she says she’s glad the students are safe. i bet gojo saw that too. i also bet that she looks prettier from his point of view.

extra

from the manga and light novels, gojo and utahime are the ones that talk about sports the most. he most definitely chose baseball to cheer her up. it’s not a coincidence people!

i feel like i had a lot more to say but i completely lost my train of thought while writing this, especially with chapter 40. i’m once again writing this at 4 in the morning LOL........ please please please add on or share your thoughts! thank you for reading and sorry for any mistakes.

#gojohime #gouta #gojo x utahime

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eframschweigersskincells · 3 years ago

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So, Return to Hell was an absolute rollercoaster of emotions and I couldn't have asked for a better ending to the season three dlc missions.

SPOILER WARNING BY THE WAY!

Holy shit was this season a wild ride and with an absolute banger of an ending all I can say is well done rebellion you pulled it out the bag and held it high, I was so happy with everything and just my god its really hard to put down everything I'm so enthralled I can barely think straight.

I remember when the trailer dropped and I was so overcome with both excitement and sadness at seeing what the dlc entailed, I was so happy to see schweiger alive but devastated to see what was happening to him and originally I thought we were going to sacrifice him to help Umbra which terrified me, thank fuck I was wrong I dont think I could handle hurting my boy.

The intro was excellent, it really felt like distressing and that this was truly a moment of despair the way bruno spoke of it was absolutely amazing and I couldn't wait to get stick in. And when it finally gave way to the gameplay the opening area was absolutely stunning!

The way it's so familiar yet so foreign, like I'd seen it before but it had been so twisted that it was unrecognisable, lava around every corner and debris floating as if frozen in time the ground and walls cracked and crumbling and the fiery hues made this a fantastic yet haunting sight I hadn't even begun playing and I already fell in love with it.

When I finally moved on and the Baron began his tirade about the state of hell and how it was shaped and molded to fit the subconscious mind of schweiger I was shocked and saddened, to think that this was schweiger's fractured mind was frightening, all his guilt, fear, anger, confusion, sadness became reality and hell took its horrifying form filled with endless undead. I also found it really cool to see events play out from schweiger's perspective, meat locker, hell base and terror lab all playing out in schweiger's memories allowing us a glimpse in to everything that happened to him. He was betrayed so many times, I don't blame him at all for turning on us in deeper than hell, the amount of cruelty he suffered would drive anyone insane.

Being captured and forced to research the occult without any understanding of why, being tricked in to activating the relic allowing hitler to activate plan Z, working your hardest to try and make the world right then have your team infiltrated by nazi bastards who push you in to a hell tower and forcefully tear you from this plane of existence and left to rot in hell. Just when you think you can finally escape you're confronted with the fact you can not leave, only your closest comrades can leaving you in hell against everyone's will, then a voice manipulates you in to believing you were betrayed by your friends you're lied to and tricked in to believing this voice is your only friend who makes you do horrific rituals.

I remember how horrific I felt hearing this and then when Umbra revealed that he did all of this so he could break schweiger's will so he could steal his body I was filled with rage. Rebellion were amazing at putting emotion in to this one I genuinely went through constant emotional shifts realising that everything we had done up to this point was planned by Umbra and that everything we had done was only to fuel his plans. It was never schweiger's fault it was umbras and that knocked me on my arse.

The gameplay was a lot of fun, one of the best parts was that absolutely everything was randomised! The main sections of the map where always switched around no matter how many times you play it at first I went meat locker, hell base then terror lab then my second time I went hell base, terror lab then meat locker! I was shocked when everything cane out of order but it fits so well with everything! Schweiger's mind is so badly fractured that when hell took form as schweiger's subconscious not even hell itself could keep things in order.

I genuinely adore how the old familiar faces of these maps are destroyed, twisted and corrupted they are what we have seen before but warped till they look like different maps entirely, with so much more to explore in some areas it really gives you a sense of walking through broken memories like piecing together a memory Efram barely has a grip on anymore.

I loved how enemies were randomised too, getting attacked by a screamer around the corner then next time you go there prepared for a screamer you get blown up by suiciders or slaughtered by skeletons or an elite or in my favourite case being attacked by zombie alpha squad members! When zombie me jumped out and attacked I was so confused I didnt have time to respond when zombie jun popped out and killed me it was fucking awesome!

All our favourite enemy variations are here too, vampire creepers, electric suiciders, armored commanders, skeletons etc which really made for a really tough but good fight, never knowing what variation was coming to get you made everything even more fun.

And with the spitters now having a variant that spat magma it made what was usually an annoying inconvenience an actual proper threat and I love that so fucking much, maybe the spitters aren't so horrible after all.

That's a lie I still fucking hate them but oh well!

Once we successfully complete all three areas we now return to the main area with a very pissed off Umbra and schweiger who although conscious is barely alive. As soon as we arrive back to were we began we are immediately attacked and dragged off to an unknown place that we only know as the void as coined by Umbra.

Let me tell you when I say the void is creepy I fucking mean it, the void is of course pitch black you cant see anything not even your flash light does anything to the surrounding darkness, all you see when you spawn is the pitch black and eframs body of a slab surrounded by candles with Umbra looking over us and you really get the the sense of "holy shit, this is it!"

I genuinely adored the design of the void, the fact you only ever see your surroundings when a split second of bright red lighting strikes and even then you only see the faint outline of distant places, walking through the endless river of blood that stops you to a near snail's pace while fending of oncoming dead is genuinely spectacular! Holy fuck did rebellion pull it out the bag this round!

Just when you think you're about to have to do something to the incapacitated schweiger, Edie finally fucking shows up and does something useful for once, breaking schweiger out of his trance and giving him enough power to fend for himself when she realises Umbra has no defences! Thank fuck because now we know how to finally end The Baron and let me tell you I couldn't be happier to get the chance at killing the bastard.

The fights were challenging and had me cornered a few times and I'll admit I died a couple times but it was absolutely worth it, there was so much going on but it wasnt overbearing, with how large the areas you had to fight the hordes in were it made the fucking insane amounts of zombies absolutely balanced, I never felt like it was impossible but never felt it was too easy either just the right balance of insanity. And to make it even better I get to listen to schweiger shit talk the Baron as we help Efram regain strength while weakening Umbra.

Listening to Umbra beg and plead for mercy was great, it really felt like we were overpowering hell itself, no matter what Umbra threw our way it did absolutely nothing and listening to schweiger come to terms with what he's done and immediately work towards redemption by putting down Umbra was heartwarming. We were the winners not Umbra.

Then finally we get to what I've been wanting to do since the beginning of the DLC, after two whole hours I finally got to put an end to the Baron, activating that ending cutscene was so satisfying and I got to put down my controller and watch.

I'll admit I was confused when Umbea sprung back to life and actually attacked, where hitler failed to stop us during hell machine Umbra full pounced, he was going to take us with him and for a second I absolutely believed we were going to die with him, the fuck tries ripping our soul out rendering us absolutely useless. Its schweiger that saves us, pulling us away from Umbra then eviscerating the fuck out of him with ease and with that The Baron himself is dead, finally the tyrant is dead and everything we had worked towards was finally put to rest.

Just before that scene ends, we see schweiger smile! He's actually happy for once, free from Umbras grip, he's faced his fears and insecurities and in the end was the one who saved us and destroyed The Baron. To see him smile was one of the greatest things ever and I'm so glad we finally got to see that.

In last few moments of the ending, we wake up on the side of a cliff with Dr schweiger by our side and as the camera zooms out we see nothing but an endless sea of lava and I'm left thinking.

What the fuck is Projekt Ragnarok?

#zombies #horror #rebellion #shooter #zombie army 4 #zombie army 4 dead war #efram schweiger #photography #best game 2020 #god i love this game #who allowed you to be that awesome #what an achievement #best dlc ever

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papercranesong · 3 years ago

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Shockwave Part 1

When discussing meeting the matriarchal society, Trip makes a flippant remark to Archer about not being too flirtatious. Archer gives him a slightly strained smile, like “seriously, does my chief engineer think of nothing else?” - then the next scene cuts to Malcolm joining them in the shuttlepod. Am thinking Archer probably brought him along because Malcolm is the worst flirt in the world.

🖖

Malcolm always looks so worried when he’s up front in a shuttlepod. I like how Archer makes a small joke to try and relax him.

🖖

Being a typical English gent (I.e not from Yorkshire) Malcolm tends to speak indirectly and use understatement eg. “a bit longer”, “a bit salty”, “fairly disciplined” (referring to T’Pol) and when he tells Archer later in this episode - “it might not be a bad idea for you to come out here.”

But I love how when it comes to his job he speaks in absolutes - “It’ll work” (Sleeping Dogs), and then in Silent Enemy Trip says “you’re sure this will work?” and Malcolm responds emphatically, “Yes commander, I am.”

So when Malcolm says that both plasma ducts were closed, that he’s certain of it - then he really really means that they were closed. Why isn’t he believed though? (Will come back this later)

🖖

I like Admiral Forrest’s attempt at a pep talk, although it clearly doesn’t work since in the next scene T’Pol tells Phlox that Archer has gone to pieces.

T’Pol’s pep talk on the other hand is awesome and it cheers the Captain right up 😁

🖖

So the scene on the bridge when they look at the atmospheric analysis - wow, so powerful.

First of all, love how Trip is standing behind Malcolm giving moral support.

Hoshi, Travis (and T’Pol even though she’s pretending not to) are watching them so intently.

The way Malcolm reacts to the analysis - his slight twitch of the mouth, his exhale of breath, the slump of his shoulders, how he turns slightly towards Trip - and Trip just glances sideways at him in response, acknowledging him, and the complete unspoken communication going on - both men totally understand the significance of the borocarbons and they’re also aware that the other does too.

And still - Malcolm is so sure and so certain that it wasn’t them. He inadvertently hits upon the answer - something “miraculous” happened, they just don’t know what it is.

I think they should all take heed of Sherlock Holmes’ logic - “When you have eliminated all which is impossible, then whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.”

And Malcolm keeps searching for this improbable thing - the miracle - making his team work nonstop examining the shuttlepod, finding the EM signature.

This is in contrast to what everyone else does -

Hoshi and Travis sit and plan their next career moves.

Trip ostensibly goes to help Phlox pack and pours out his heart to him about how unfair it all is.

And Archer lies on his bed and mopes.

🖖

So - why was Archer so sure and accepting that it was Enterprise’s fault?

Am thinking of Sawyer’s speech to Jack in Lost - “See, kids are like dogs, you knock them around enough they'll think they did something to deserve it.”

I guess throughout his whole life Archer has heard this rhetoric from the Vulcans - that humans shouldn’t be in space, they aren’t ready, they aren’t safe / prepared etc. Maybe this incident with the colony makes him finally believe that humans don’t deserve to be there.

🖖

I can imagine a scene where Malcolm hands T’Pol the report about the EM signature - maybe he’s been working round the clock, ragged, exhausted ( (if Archer says “couldn’t this wait til morning” maybe that indicates that it’s pretty late?) but now he’s got this glimmer of hope - and T’Pol takes the padd and maybe nods at him in silent approval, because at least he’s been doing something proactive and is standing by his convictions.

T’Pol doesn’t come out and say if she believes if the plasma ducts were closed or not. But the way she acts towards Malcolm makes me think of Daniel’s blood-of-Sokar vision in Stargate when Jack says “I may not always believe you, but I believe in you.” She doesn’t dismiss Malcolm’s findings or rubbish them, but respects him by taking the report to the Captain right away, not waiting til morning.

🖖

Archer’s response to the EM signature is so annoying - “it could be anything” and “Does he think that Starfleet Command's going to take a look at this, apologise, and send us on our way? Tell him it was a nice try.”

No wonder T’Pol tells Archer off. (And what would that even look like anyway, if T’Pol had followed Archer’s orders and told Malcolm a Vulcan equivalent of “nice try”, fobbing him off. Malcolm would be fuming).

One of Malcolm’s most admirable qualities is that he doesn’t give up or just take things at face value - for example the episode Oasis, he questions the weapons damage to the alien vessel, their story about the distress call, and also how the colony could make enough food for themselves, even though Archer has an answer for all of Malcolm’s concerns, “Maybe they were hit by some kind of weapon we're not familiar with”, and “Just because they're a little skittish doesn't mean they're up to something.” Malcolm has to work pretty hard to convince Archer, and then he doesn’t stop til he finds one of the alien escape pods.

However, I also think that Archer willing to believe the best of people is one of his most admirable qualities - and it’s this quality that draws Malcolm out and helps him to flourish on Enterprise….

(I do love all the different personalities in Star Trek, and how they all try and work together - and even how these strengths and weaknesses compensate for each other. It’s one of my favourite things about Star Trek)

🖖

So, unlike Admiral Forrest’s pep talk, T’Pol’s actually works. She doesn’t go down the route of saying the accident wasn’t their fault, but goes way deeper to the crux of the problem, addressing all of Archer’s insecurities that the Vulcans have built up over the years, saying Enterprise and humans deserve to be out here, and she believes in him and the mission.

🖖

Love how Archer tells Malcolm to go and retrieve the Suliban plasma stream generating device, and the way he keeps him close later by taking him along to Daniel’s quarters, like he’s making it up to him and it’s his way of apologising to him for not believing him.

🖖

Malcolm says “how on earth did you know” - which is also what he says when he realises the birthday cake is made of pineapple. Maybe he only uses this phrase - which is a bit of a familiar way to speak to a senior officer - when he’s a bit surprised / flustered.

🖖

Love how Malcolm lights up at the projection of all the schematics, he’s like “this is even better than the Vulcan database!!!”

🖖

It’s frustrating though that Archer believes Daniels implicitly just because he’s from the future. From what Archer says later, we know that Daniels tells him that the Suliban won’t follow them, that they’ll make it safely to the Vulcan ship.

So when Malcolm says - “Assuming he's right and we manage to find the Cruiser, what makes you think the Suliban won't come after us?” - which is what happens.

Archer essentially tells Malcolm the same thing that Daniels tells him - “Just like those old Bible movies, Malcolm. It wasn't written.”

It’s notable that Malcolm, up to this point, has been quite free with the Captain, asking him questions, but then at this answer Malcolm is silent and doesn’t reply. Probably because he’s massively sceptical and doesn’t want to argue with his Captain.

🖖

But I do think Archer redeems himself at the end a little - Malcolm is insisting there is something wrong with the warp field, even though Archer says “it looks okay to me”, and then the chief engineer himself comes up and proclaims that the computer can’t find anything wrong, and the engines “look fine” and Malcolm tells him directly “well, they're not.”

Archer has learnt his lesson (to actually listen to his armoury officer’s concerns and to pay attention to them - when Malcolm says something is wrong, something’s wrong) - and he tells Malcolm instantly to load torpedos, which in Malcolm’s book is probably the best kind of reaction to have to anything out of the ordinary.

🖖

I think belief comes up a lot in this episode. Archer thanks Admiral Forest for “believing in us.” And Archer desperately wants T’Pol to believe him about the time travel. “I need you to believe me.” And she says “why?”

I think the answer he gives is quite telling - it’s relational. He trusts T’Pol, respects her, she knew exactly the right words to say to him when he was at his lowest point, and it will be really hard for him to keep on trusting her, relying on her, working with her, if she thinks he’s crazy.

This is in contrast to Malcolm earlier who needs to be believed because it’s the truth itself that’s important, not what others think of him.

I love these characters 😊

#shockwave part one #malcolm reed #star trek enterprise #enterprise rewatch #my musings #malcolm reed focused #likely fanfic fuel

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catscraftsandcommentary · 4 years ago

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thoughts on tiny!Steve/werewolf!Bucky shrunkyclunky AU

Because I’m too fucking lazy to actually type it into a proper fic and edit it and do all the fancy-ness that it would take to, y’know, make it a properly written story.

Vaguely fantasy/colonial setting, somewhere with lots of forests. Steve lives in a small town called - of course - Brooklyn, with best friend Peggy (local beauty and hell on heels.) Also with various non-friends Rumlow (sheriff), Rumlow’s minions, Alexander Pierce (mayor/governor of the area), and various townsfolk. Who often don’t like Steve because he’s constantly poor, constantly sick, constantly fighting and/or preaching about how their normal behavior is terrible.

Peggy thinks he’s great. Rumlow, who wants Peggy, despises him.

So at some point, Steve does something to piss Rumlow off more than usual. For a while, I thought about “stopping Rumlow when he won’t take ‘no’ from a girl at the local tavern and Steve reads him the riot act/starts a fight with him (these are pretty much the same thing, lbr.) BUT, sudden better idea, Rumlow comes up with some new, ridiculous plot to get Peggy to change her mind about him (never gonna happen, bro), but Steve ruins it somehow.

Like Rumlow commissions something for Peggy (clothing? art? jewelry?), but then extorts the artist to get out of paying, and Steve, who is PISSED, tells Peggy, who refuses the gift very publicly AND calls Rumlow a thief, extortionist, etc.

Hell. On. Heels.

So Rumlow immediately blames all his problems on Steve, and sentences him to banishment, permanent, on penalty of death. If he’s not out of town by sunrise, Rumlow will be glad to skip the wait.

Except oh yeah, Rumlow and the bros are going hunting tomorrow, leaving at dawn, so they’ll have to check in that Steve’s gone - and that Peggy isn’t hiding him - before dawn, so, y’know, he might want to get moving.

Cutscene to Peggy’s house, where she’s trying to talk Steve out of a suicidal second confrontation with Rumlow, or a more political confrontation through Pierce (who did, after all, appoint the bastard), or whatever other dumbass, noble idea he comes up with. She makes him pack a bag (or more likely, packs one for him), and tells him to go straight into the spooky old-growth forest a ways from town. Not the nice, civilized woods where Rumlow et al usually hunt, or along one of the roads to one of the other towns, but

“You head straight into the heart of that forest, Steve, because so help me, that is the only way you’ll be safe from him. And if you see any wolves - hell, if you hear any wolves - you say that Margaret Elizabeth sent you with a message for Natalia of the White Wolf’s pack. And that message is pay your debt.”

And no, she does not explain any of that to Steve before she bundles him out of her house and on the path to the forest road.

Oh, did I mention that, according to general knowledge in this AU, magic isn’t real, except for maybe small good luck charms and similar. Which plenty of people still scoff at. So telling Steve to talk to wolves is...suspicious.

Second aside, a while back, Peggy saved Natalia from an angry mob, took her family’s home, let her recover in her own bed, and then accidentally fell in love with her. Oops. Before, of course, Natalia had to return to her own pack. Now they have a secret on-again, off-again romance. (I haven’t thought about WHY Peggy didn’t just run away with Natalia immediately, other than it wouldn’t work for my story. Shh.) And of course, Natalia promised to someday do the same for Peggy.

Cutscene to forest, next morning!

Bucky and his wolf buddies are out cruising the forest, as you do, when they sense a Disturbance In the Forest *cough force cough* and decide to check it out. Upon smelling some humans they’ve collectively termed “those fuckers,” they decide to fulfill the threat they issued at their last meeting and be done with the problem.

Namely, they gave Rumlow and his crew the same ultimatum that he’d given Steve, except that Rumlow had a history of terrorizing and killing everything (and everyone) in the forest, whereas Steve just wanted to protect people.

They herd the horses and hunting dogs to the edge of the forest near the town, leave the bodies in a pile, and are ready to continue on, except...there’s still one human somewhere in the forest. And these shitty scumbags had been following their trail. Time to figure out what’s up.

They reach the edge of a clearing, and all the wolves sort of melt out of the undergrowth at the edges, while Bucky, in his big fucking white wolf form walks out to the edge, transforms, and then stalks out in his best Murder Strut (TM).

And yes, this is “built like a brick shithouse” Bucky from Civil War, and yes, he is entirely naked, and still covered in blood, so Steve’s brain goes immediately offline.

Steve backs up until his back hits a large tree, waving a large knife at this seriously threatening (but hot) impossible fucking being, because werewolves do not exist. Right?

Right?!?

Bucky just casually pins Steve’s arms over his head, disarms Steve and tosses the knife away (without even looking where he tosses it, which Steve finds inexplicably really hot), and leans in to smell him.

Now, when Bucky reached the clearing, he recognized from the scent that this was a potential mate for him - and possibly a very strong mate too. Mates, in their world, are more “you are compatible with this person” than “this is the only person you can ever love EVER” and the strength of the potential bond can vary as well. (Just like some relationships are stronger than others.) But basically, Bucky realizes that whoever’s in the clearing, they could be good together. They could be goddamn AMAZING. And yeah, he wants to smell some more of that.

Steve is...more than a little overwhelmed by suddenly having a giant wolf turn into the hottest man he’s ever seen, who’s now pinning him to a tree and huffing him, but he does manage “Natalia.”

At which Bucky choke-grunts. The fuck?

“I have a message for Natalia. In the white wolf’s pack. From Peg-from Margaret Elizabeth.”

Vaguely grumpy at not getting to nose up his mate, but also very curious as to where this is going, (because how does this tiny gorgeous human know his second or her mate? Yes, Natalia is Bucky’s second-in-command), Bucky finally lifts his head. “I am the White Wolf, and I speak for Natalia. What is her message?”

Steve stares up the man towering over him and snarls, “Pay. Your. Debt.”

Bucky grins, slow and wicked. “Gladly. But not here.” He steps back, lowing Steve’s arms, and then...somehow, suddenly, Steve’s arms are around his shoulders, his legs are lifted around his waist, and Bucky is cradling Steve to his chest while telling his pack “bring his things.”

And then everyone is racing through the forest, faster than Steve has ever seen anyone move before and what the fuck did Peggy get him into?

After an hour or two of running (being carried) through the forest, Steve finally puts his head down on White Wolf’s shoulder, tucks his face into his neck, and tries to rest. He didn’t get any sleep, he spent the whole night hiking through dark, unfamiliar forest, he’s pretty sure he can stop worrying about Rumlow hunting him down - in the most literal sense, yikes - he’s tired.

Also, being carried is kind of soothing. There’s a rhythm to it. And wolfman smells nice. Mm...

Bucky is perfectly happy to have his newly-found mate fall asleep in his arms, and he’s very loathe to put him down once the pack reaches their den. (I still can’t decide what I want the den complex to look like. A castle? A big house? A fort? Maybe it’s a cave system that has been smoothed out and built into like hobbit holes. Or the Holds and Weyrs from Pern.)

But he finally decides to lay Steve down, feather-soft, into his own bed and tuck him in warmly. After all, Natalia vowed to repay Margaret in kind for what she’d done to help her, and part of that had been sharing her bed. There are guest rooms, but they’re so far away. This is closer. Warmer. More convenient. Better for his mate. And he’ll explain everything as soon as he wakes.

Steve does wake up and demand all the details EVER, as well as actually meeting Natalia and hearing how she knows Peggy (to make sure that this “white wolf” isn’t making shit up). Bucky gladly complies. Natalia is more salty about it, but she deals.

Then Bucky commences doting on his new mate. While trying not to come on too strong. Mostly failing. He...may have left out the bit about being able to smell that they’re mates. So he’s just trying to keep Steve interested enough in werewolf life/forest life to stay there and not, say, ask to go back to the human world (or back to his town even) since Rumlow and his men are dead.

Steve finds everything fascinating, and since Bucky always responds immediately to his cues - verbal and nonverbal! - he doesn’t have a problem being wooed. He might even, actually, like to be wooed a bit faster. Or more carnally. Not that he knows how to hint that.

Peggy eventually shows up sometime and is cute with Natalia, aka Natasha.

Steve slowly settles into life as the Kept Human Boy of the most badass werewolf alpha ever, who loves his tiny feral little mate and WILL tear your throat out if you even look at him funny.

#stucky #steve/bucky #Steve Rogers #Bucky Barnes #shrinkyclinks #my writing #original post #fanfic #catscraftsandcommentary writes

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jyndor · 4 years ago

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(Imperialism etc anon) Ok I get where you're coming from! Thank you for being understanding. While Zutara is obviously not inherently racist or anything there are zutara interpretations that *are* racist (example: fire lady katara which I can get into) and it does need to be acknowledged that Zuko's status as fire nation royalty does create a power imbalance between him and Katara. Now, this is a conversation that has a lot of nuance to it but it seems like the people harassing you are (1/2)

(2/2) just repeating some genuine critique they saw without understanding what it means just to say that they're right, harassing people in the process. I did not have that context when sending that first ask and I apologize, since anons harassing you and others are clearly doing it out of bad faith. I just didn't like the leveraging of concepts that really matter in real life (colonialism, etc), ykwim? But I get what you were trying to do.

hey anon I’m finally getting to you after 84 years XD

so first off, I want to be careful about how I approach this because I understand that as a white person (even if my ancestors experienced imperialism) in the US I absolutely benefit from imperialism and don’t want to like, idk, whitesplain XD so if anyone gets annoyed with any way I say anything, just lmk and I’ll rework it. and I also do understand that these are real world issues that are far more consequential than messaging in media (although I do think it’s very important that we challenge messages in media because of media’s influence on our thinking and politics).

but before I talk about zuko and his relationship to fire nation imperialism, and then later fire lady katara and why it isn’t INHERENTLY racist but definitely can be, I want to talk about the atla fandom and how we got here. like, why I assume that most anons who come at zutara shippers are asshats acting in bad faith. if you already know fandom history, skip this section.

1. atla and the fandom has always been kind of shitty and racist

so IDK if everyone is familiar with the history of the ship war in atla fandom, but it’s regarded as one of the nastiest ship wars in fandom history which I agree lol. atla’s creators were some of the first to interact with the fandom the way they did - back then it wasn’t all that common for creators to get into twitter feuds with fans and boundaries were respected more than they are now imo. but for better or worse, and it is a mixed bag, bryke interacted with fandom a lot. certainly at cons but also on social media.

but honestly things really got extra mean in fan spaces when bryke made a “joke” atla season 4 slideshow out of fan art (some of which was really sexual in nature and totally inappropriate) that mocked fans’ creations, but especially zutara fanart and zutara itself. it was pretty tasteless especially considering how most zutara fans were teen girls, and featured some art of sokka saying that if you think zuko and katara would be good together, you’re doomed to have failed relationships. that’s where the whole “dark and mysterious” bs came from, which does describe some zutara fic but not even most of it lol. I actually do respect bryke a lot despite my criticism of them, but I don’t think I’ll ever get over that shit. like even if you hate zutara, even if it’s a joke, we were kids. and they were adults, and the whole thing was nasty.

however, the ship war was chaotic and messy, but it does feel worse now. maybe it’s because back then the fandom was MOSTLY teens and kids, and I don’t think that’s true now. we were all trying to prove our ship was best with like, content from the show and theories and all that, and now it’s like... whose ship is ~problematic lol it’s a show by white us americans appropriating from various cultures impacted negatively by us/british imperialism that they then profited off of, of course it’s racist. that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t talk about that, and in fact many poc have been saying this shit for years - that atla is racist and colorist at many times (guru pathik anyone?) and no one really listened.

if fans are complaining only about zutara, then I’m automatically writing them off as being insincere or ignorant. and since most of these people are anonymous, I have no idea if they are having substantive discourse about colorism in avatar or cultural appropriation (even if it is mostly appreciative). if you are on anon, I have no context about what you actually think except for what you give me. and that definitely is how I view anons in general but especially within the atla fandom because for all 13-ish years I’ve been in it, it’s been messy. that’s why zutara fans have isolated ourselves from the rest of fandom, because the rest of fandom has been really nasty to us. like did we give back some nastiness? absolutely.

but I would hazard a guess that most anti-zutara shippers don’t know about the conversations we have had in this community to make it safer for people of color, conversations that centered poc and woc especially. hey, that’s okay - not to compare zutara to r*ylo because eurgh but like, idk what discourse the r*ylos have about their community. no idea, I don’t go looking for it. and I don’t go to the tags and harass r*ylos - even though they harass the fuck out of everyone else.

2. so zuko and his privilege

undoubtedly zuko as fire lord is in a fairly privileged position LMFAO. but during the show zuko is very clearly exiled - he holds very little political power in the fire nation EXCEPT for during the first season when he is in command of a ship that ozai gave him on a punishment quest lol like yeah he does terrible things and he of all people would not excuse his actions even if he was a traumatized kid, that’s the point of his arc - that he got some exposure to the rest of the world and worked to be better. and the only reason he was exiled at all was because he cares about people - he didn’t question fire nation supremacy at 13, but he sure did question the morality of his people being lead to slaughter.

but after zuko and iroh defect from the fire nation and stop hunting aang, he has next to no power, in any kind of way. like the guy is a political refugee. and yes, he goes back to the fire nation for like five minutes before realizing that he hates everything about fire nation hegemony and that he wants to end his father’s reign of terror, like that isn’t exactly someone who is going to be well esteemed by the powerful elites when he returns and takes the throne.

and I disregard the comics because they suck lol but zuko does have power as the fire lord, but he limits his power. like compared to ozai, phoenix asshole? azula? for the rest of the world, zuko is kind of an ideal leader for a former colonizing/imperialistic nation to have - someone who worked to end that tyranny, who is anti-imperialist, who believes in justice and equality, who wants to make things right for the peoples who his family oppressed.

I do think it is important to talk about power dynamics and imbalances in relationships - for instance, one could argue that mai is at a significant disadvantage in her relationship with zuko. sure she is from a powerful family but not as powerful as zuko’s. sokka? hah forget it. he’s just as disadvantaged as katara is politically speaking. toph? well, she’s definitely not as powerful politically as zuko - her family tried to silence her for years because of her disability. and oh, she’s disabled so it might be ableist for zuko to strike up a relationship with her when they’re both adults. forgetting of course that toph and sokka and katara and suki and mai are not going to be shy about their wants and needs, that these relationships are not likely to be coercive by nature of the show they’re in and the characters they involve. this is not bill clinton with monica creepiness. like, you’d have to write the relationship that way.

the only person who arguably has more political power than zuko is aang. I guess zuko can’t ever be in a relationship with anyone other than aang. and zuko’s family massacred aang’s people so I guess we can’t ship zukaang. now I know you’re not saying that, context matters. power dynamics are important. but you can’t take away the agency of characters - katara, who is essentially a princess, has agency and can choose who she wants to be with. strictly speaking, aang is more powerful than anyone in terms of political power - he’s the avatar - and of course the dynamic is different by nature of aang not being from a line of oppressors, but there still is a power imbalance in their relationship. and I don’t know how many k/ataang shippers have discourse~ on that. not that I really feel like they NEED to, um idk what they talk about lol I’m not in those circles.

3. fire lady katara is in the eye of the beholder

so fire lady katara is not inherently bad or racist, it’s essentially like saying michelle obama shouldn’t have been first lady of the us (now I get that like the obamas being in power didn’t mean black people are not marginalized lol). you can have conversations about whether or not individual versions of fire lady katara are fucked up, and I’m superrrr open to that because I’ve seen it be kinda shitty before. i’m just gonna leave this link to @shewhotellsstories and her post on this.

but often times katara as fire lady is very dominant in global/fire nation/water tribe politics, she’s a game changer ambassador (that is probably the most popular headcanon I see), she holds on to her culture (and many fans have designed her being in her wt colors, zuko is respectful af to her, she and zuko spend extended periods in the swt, etc. like... it just depends on the way it’s written.

also leaving this response by @avatarnerdkiller to the idea of katara being a prize figurehead.

anyway, thanks for your patience anon and I am curious to see if you see this or even feel like responding after all this time XD

#atla #petty fandom drama #zutara fandom #zutara #fire lady katara #discourse sigh #racism #fandom racism #asks #anonymous

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goddessdoeswitchery · 4 years ago

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Hellenic Polytheism 101: Pillars of Hellenic Polytheism

What follow is a transcript of all 7 episodes of my podcast Hellenic Polytheism 101, where I discussed the pillars of Hellenic Polytheism. There are more episodes to follow, but I figured it would be nice to have a place where all 7 of the episodes discussing the pillars were together. The series started on August 23rd and ended on Nov 1st, released on a bi-weekly basis at 8 am every Sunday. In total, it’s 12 pages long, so I’m placing it under a Read More because it is very, very long. In each episode, there is a list of resources, and each one is linked for you in the original post (just click the tag transcripts under this post, and it’ll take you to the transcripts for every podcast episode) to do your own follow up research. I hope that people will find this useful.

Pillars of Hellenic Polytheism: Technically, the pillars were never actually a “thing”. Unlike then 10 commandments, the pillars were never taught as a set of rules that everyone knew by the name “Pillars of Hellenic Polytheism”, or any variation thereof. What modern day practitioners of Hellenic Polytheism call “The Pillars” were essentially religious and cultural practices that were taught by family and friends via every day practices. The pillars were an essential part of the culture of Ancient Greece, taught to them the same way customs like tipping, saying “bless you” at sneezing, and the now-common practice of wearing a mask everywhere are taught to us today. In recreating Hellenic Polytheism for the modern age, the Pillars grew out of a need for a set of guidelines to help us recreate a very old religion.

KHARIS

Welcome to today’s episode of Hellenic Polytheism 101, where we will be discussing the Pillar of Hellenic Polytheism, Kharis. Kharis is the reciprocity inherent in Hellenic Polytheism, a devotional act for the Theoi with hope a return favor in kind. It is also so much more than a transactional behavior. Its not bribery, its not a quid pro quo. At the same time, it is not the Christian act of praise worship.

One of the most common actions as a Hellenic polytheist is devotional acts. Whether it be offerings, prayers, hymns, or the increasingly common Devotional Actions (like beauty routines for Aphrodite, studying for Athena, singing for Apollo, housecleaning for Hestia, etc); we worship by engaging in acts of devotion. Oftentimes, that act of devotion is also accompanied by a request. This act of devotion is not a bribe. This is an offering, and a plea. The deity in question can respond or not, it won’t change the fact that we made the offering and it shouldn’t affect how we give in the future. We give without the expectation of getting something in return, as an act of worship and of thanks for everyday blessings. We give to just give, and a lot of the times, the deity or deities in question will respond. We then give in thanks, and then they give to us. We give in thanks, they give to us and so continues the circle of praise and of blessing. This circle of reciprocity is Kharis.

And yeah, I completely understand how confusing that would be, so let’s try using some more relatable examples. I know not everyone will be able to relate to these examples, so there will be a few of them, and hopefully one of them will resonate enough that the concept of Kharis will become less confusing.

The first example I will use is of a couple. Let’s call them Kate and Ashley. They are very much in love. Kate is out grocery shopping and next to the checkout line is a display of flower bouquets. One of them has roses and lilies, Ashley’s two favorite flowers. So Kate grabs that bouquet and places it in a vase on the table for Ashley to see when she gets home. Kate isn’t getting the flowers for a birthday, or anniversary, or holiday. These aren’t apology flowers. These aren’t get well soon flowers. They’re the best kind of flowers. These are “Just Because I Love You” flowers. That night at dinner, Kate asks Ashley to take the trash can to the curb before bed and Ashley does so. The flowers weren’t payment for the favor of taking the trash to the curb. The flowers and the request may have come at the same time, but one wasn’t required for the other. The next morning, Kate makes Ashley breakfast in bed and Ashley starts Kate’s car so it’s warmed up and defrosted before Kate goes to work. Both are acts of love that aren’t reliant on each other. Now, say this cycle continues constantly. They do each other favors, they get each other small tokens, for the rest of their relationship. No one but the most cynical would say that they have a transactional relationship. Their tokens aren’t required for favors, and their favors aren’t required for tokens. Their actions are out of devotion to each other. That’s an example of how Kharis works.

Another example, this time between family members. My sister, my mom, and I have lived together for a lot of our lives. As adults, we have lived together for the last 5 years. My mom has a tendency to not eat, and there have been times when I’ve sent her a pizza while she’s at work, because I know then that she will eat. The food is an act of love, a way to show I care. When she responds in kind by cooking dinner for the house the next day, it is not a payment for the pizza. It’s a continuation of the circle. When I was off work for 3 weeks, I cleaned the whole house, reorganized their closets to be easier to navigate, and cleaned out the cabinets and cupboards. Its another way I show I care. My sister usually watches the kids all summer long, and my mom and I will get her flowers, as a way to say thank you. Every day of our lives as a family, we show love by doing favors for each other and getting things for each other. The favors are not a payment for the things and the things are not a payment for the favors.

Hopefully that explains what Kharis is a little better, so we can go a little deeper into what it means as a worshipper, as someone who calls themselves a Hellenic Polytheist.

Now, remember how I said that the pillars weren’t exactly a thing, and instead were a modern invention to assist those who weren’t raised in Ancient Greece with learning the customs and cultural behaviors that were common knowledge in Ancient Greece? Let’s keep that in mind. On a historical note, Kharis required something real. Having faith and good thoughts was not a part of the reciprocal circle that is Kharis. It required something real, and in Ancient Greece that did not mean devotional acts like making playlists. It meant something solid, offerings, like libations, food, incense, coins, seashells, and other solid, real items. If you have an altar, think about what you leave on it. On mine, I’ve got an incense holder, coins left at the foot of the statue of Hermes, corn from the field next to us, a nature ball with acorns and leaves and flowers in it, devotional drawings, fortunes from fortune cookies also at the foot of Hermes’ statue, dried roses and lilies in an empty wine bottle, seashells, pins, a book of myths, and a plate and cup where bread, oil, seeds, fruit, wine, and other food offerings can be left. Some of these are permanent, some of them get removed as they go bad. When I light incense and pray, when I leave food, when I leave seashells or coins or fortunes, I’m engaging in my part of the reciprocal circle that is Kharis. That means, historically, offering something real that goes above and beyond simple faith.

Now, not everyone can do that. Not everyone has the ability to have an altar, and not everyone can afford to burn incense everyday, and not everyone has the time to bake bread everyday. Now, that doesn’t mean that someone who lacks those abilities, or doesn’t have that time can’t engage in the reciprocal relationship that is Kharis. Remember, a huge part of practicing Hellenic Polytheism is bringing ancient worship into the modern world. Devotional acts are something real. You can offer a devotional act to the Theoi as your part of the Kharis. I’ve seen some stunning works of art created in devotion to the Theoi. I’ve heard songs wrote in devotion. I’ve read some deeply moving poetry. And I’ve seen prayers, prayers written with such devotion and love that they could bring you tears. Those actions are fully capable of being classified as part of the circle that is Kharis.

Kharis is not just actions, its a relationship. Much like how Xenia was a way of life ingrained into the culture of Ancient Greece, so too was Kharis. All the rites and rituals, sacrifices, prayers, hymns, offerings, everything that was offered to the Theoi; it came from the understanding that a relationship had to be built and maintained. You couldn’t just say your prayers and call it a day, you lived with the Theoi, and dealt with them every single day. Everyday, you had the opportunity to build the relationship, and the expectation that you would was built into society. Indeed, the concept of Kharis was so built into society that offerings and sacrifices were a part of their stories. Examples can be seen in many myths, plays, and epic poems from them. The reciprocal nature of Kharis is shown in the Illiad, the Odyssey, and the writings of Aristotle.

I’ve learned that Kharis can be hard to understand, especially when you’ve grown up in a society where the love of a deity is just…..constantly there. Kharis is the idea that the love of our deities is not unconditional, and our love for them need not be unconditional as well. We don’t have that relationship with our gods that is bondless. We build a relationship with them, and they build one back. That, to me, is one of the appeals of Hellenic Polytheism. The relationship is a reciprocal one built up over time, using something that is definable, real, an offering that you can hold and see. So, we give, they give, we give, they give, until you’ve built a solid foundation for a solid relationship. That relationship, built out of Kharis, is what makes the worship we engage in so beautiful.

Thanks for listening to today’s discussion of Kharis. For today’s episode, I relied on the Illiad, the Odyssey, Kharis: Hellenic Polytheism Explored by Sarah Kate Istra Winter, The emotions of the Ancient Greeks: Studies in Aristotle and Classical Literature by David Konstan, and the Center for Hellenic Studies. You can always find a transcript of this and other episodes on my tumblr blog at goddessdoeswitchery.tumblr.com, as well as a link to the sources I used. Feel free to ask any questions, and don’t forget to tune in on September 6th, when we will be discussing Arete.

ARETE

Welcome to today’s episode of Hellenic Polytheism 101, where I will be discussing the pillar of Hellenic polytheism, Arete. For first time listeners, I want to mention that technically, the pillars were never actually a “thing”. Unlike then 10 commandments, the pillars were never taught as a set of rules that everyone knew by the name “Pillars of Hellenic Polytheism”, or any variation thereof. What modern day practitioners of Hellenic Polytheism call “The Pillars” were essentially religious and cultural practices that were taught by family and friends via every day life. The pillars were an essential part of the culture of Ancient Greece, taught to them the same way customs like tipping, saying “bless you” at sneezing, and the now-common practice of wearing a mask everywhere are taught to us today. In recreating Hellenic Polytheism for the modern age, the Pillars grew out of a need for a set of guidelines to help us recreate a very old religion. Now, on to Arete.

Arete is excellence. It’s living up to your fullest potential. It’s being the best you. Arete means doing your best to become your best and to live your best life. Arete’s end goal is a life fulfilled, and happy. Arete in Homer’s works is usually associated with the person who uses everything at their disposal to do the best work, the person who is most effective at achieving what they set out to achieve. Homer applies arete to Penelope as she fulfills her role as wife. Odysseus has arete when he uses his intelligence. In the Illiad, Achilles has arete by being the best warrior. In the Tenets of Solon, Arete is achieved by being honorable, honest, intelligent, and humble. He advised the following: Consider your honor, as a gentleman, of more weight than an oath; never speak falsely; pay attention to matters of importance; be not hasty in making friends and do not cast off those whom you have made; rule, after you have first learnt to submit to rule; advise not what is most agreeable, but what is best; make reason your guide; do not associate with the wicked; honor the gods; and respect your parents.

Arete is simply being the best version of you. One of the hardest things about Hellenic polytheism is taking those ancient concepts and applying them to the world we have now, one that doesn’t call for heroes like Achilles, and one where we can’t always take the time to better ourselves because work and life can get in the way. It is important to understand that arete doesn’t always mean being number one and winning whatever contest is at hand. One thing that should be understood is that a person can be their best, give it everything they’ve got, and still lose. There will be people who are objectively better at doing what you do than you are. Someone will get a higher grade. Someone else will get the role or solo or part you’re trying out for sometimes. Someone else can have a better idea than you. Someone else will write better, or draw better, or be better than you in whatever you are trying to achieve.

The first step of applying the concept of arete to our everyday lives is to accept that your best and the best of someone else are very different things. You are you and you can only do your own best. Now that does mean that you have to apply yourself. Doing the barest minimum to get by is not a way to achieve arete. Arete means taking control of, and responsibility for, your own life. It means challenging yourself everyday to become better than you are.

Take a moment and think about things you’ve always wanted to do. A language you wanted to learn. A hobby you wanted to pick up. A project that you’ve put to the side. Something you’ve always wanted to learn about. Arete means taking the time to do that. If you have a goal, arete means doing the work to reach it. Then it means creating another goal. Plato said that arete is the ideal form of a thing, something that you are always trying to achieve. You achieve arete by always trying to reach for it, always trying to be better. This means that you won’t always be at the top of your game. You will stumble. You will fail. You will make mistakes. Arete doesn’t mean you will never be wrong, you will never fail, and you will always be perfect. It is not expected of us to be perfect all the time. What is expected is that we will try. When we fail, we learn from that failure and try again.

Now, if you’re anything like me, you’ve probably got a busy life. Between work and taking care of a household, I rarely get time to do anything for me. It is hard to take that time that I want to use to watch Netflix, or pop on a movie, or scroll online doing nothing of any real substance and put it towards something that is actual work. But I try. I read, every day. I do research for this podcast and my own growth. I do the laundry. I clean the house. I spend time with my kids, as a parent, teaching them and guiding them and playing with them. I write. I exercise. I plan and cook meals that are good for us and aren’t the easiest options. I pray. I always strive to be better at work. I’ve given my boss ideas that we’ve implemented nationwide that have made our division look good. I reach for arete every day, by understanding that it is something that I must always strive for. By always striving for it, I hope to achieve it.

One of the things that made this episode a little bit more difficult to write than the previous ones is that arete is subjective. Xenia is a set of rules. Kharis is a reciprocal circle. But arete isn’t something that can simply be memorized and put into practice as we come across situations that could use it, like xenia is. Arete is not something built into our everyday worship, the way Kharis is. Arete is something that has to be strived for every day. It is something that is work. It takes focus. It takes energy. It takes commitment. Only you can know if you’re doing your best and so no one else can come up to you and say “You haven’t achieved arete, you’ve broken the rules, you need to do better next time.” It is up to you and you alone to strive for arete. No one can coach you one it. No one can teach it to you. So, this episode will be a lot shorter than the others, because I can’t teach you arete. I can only explain what it is, explain how it has been seen historically, and let you do he work from there. Now it’s time for you to do the work. Good luck.

Thank you for listening to today’s episode of Hellenic Polytheism 101, where we discussed Arete, one of the pillars of Hellenic polytheism. Today, I relied on the Odyssey, the Illiad, the Center for Hellenic Studies, Plato’s Allegory of the Cave, Baring the Aegis, wikipedia’s page on Arete, and The Greek Way by Edith Hamilton. A transcript of this episode and all others can be found on my tumblr, goddessdoeswitchery.tumblr.com under the tag “transcripts”. There you will also find links to the sources used today to more research on your own. You can always ask me any questions there as well. Tune in on September 20th for the next episode, which will be about the next pillar of Hellenic polytheism, Sophia.

SOPHIA

Hello, and welcome to today’s episode of Hellenic Polytheism 101, where we will be discussing one of the pillars of Hellenic Polytheism: Sophia. Sophia is wisdom, cleverness, and skill. The concept has changed and has grown over time to be more applied to wisdom and the pursuit of wisdom, especially by Plato. It might be easier to recognize Sophia in the way it was applied to Socrates and Plato and Pythagoras, as part of the term “philosophia” or, philosophy, the love of wisdom. Now, remember how I’ve said in my other podcasts about the Pillars of Hellenic polytheism being more of a way of life than a literal set of rules? Here’s another part where that really comes through. In Greek culture, wisdom and the pursuit of it were incredibly important, so much so that it was the Ancient Greeks that were considered to be the founders of philosophy; and since Greek culture and Greek religion were so intertwined with each other, we are left asking, how can we, as modern day Hellenic polytheists, apply the concept of Sophia to our everyday lives?

One thing we can be sure of is that a person doesn’t need to be a world class philosopher like Plato to be a Hellenic polytheist. What we should be aiming for is the ever-present pursuit of wisdom. We should always be trying to learn, everyday. It doesn’t have to be a huge undertaking. Read a book. Watch a documentary. Read a scholarly article. Listen to a podcast. And if you come across something you don’t quite understand, research it. One of the best ways to pursue wisdom is to fight ignorance. There will be many times in your life when you are faced with something you don’t have any experience with, something you know nothing about. Living with the pillar Sophia means taking the time to learn and battling your own ignorance. In today’s world, I know how hard that can be. You can’t do a google search without their predictive algorithm doing some serious confirmation bias. Living with Sophia means taking the time, in pursuit of wisdom, to do it right.

Now, I love learning. I’m one of those people who, if given an unlimited supply of money and an eternity, I would be a student forever. But Sophia doesn’t necessarily mean learning in a classroom environment. Think about your last week. Did you come across new information? Did you read an online article that broadened your world view? Did you learn something new? Did you gain a deeper understanding of something you thought you already understood? Did you discover something that mostly everyone you knew was aware of, even something as simple as the fact that if you roll up the deodorant, you can take the plastic cover off without having to struggle with it? If so, outstanding! You battled ignorance in some small way this week.

Battling ignorance and pursuing wisdom also means battling the ignorance of others. If you’re hearing and listening to this, or reading the transcript, then it means that you’ve entered the online world in some way. That means you’ve also come across ignorant people, who seemed perfectly gleeful to remain that way. It also means you’ve come across people who were ignorant, simply because they didn’t know any better, and they needed someone to point the way. Anecdotal story break time: I’ve got a cousin who is a senior in high school. She plays a lot of different instruments and she’s very, very good. She has practiced, a lot, and has put some serious work into it. I’ve also got an uncle who is on his 4th or 5th black belt. He has put some serious effort and a couple decades worth of time into varying forms of Martial Arts. My sister’s friend is an artist, and an incredible one. She has more followers on her Instagram and tumblr and devian art pages than I care to count, and she’s graduating college as a graphic designer with job offers from some very big names. All 3 of these people are outstanding in their field. Now, to get to the why I brought them up: All 3 of them have told me, in some way, that once they reached a certain point in their skill level, the best way to get better was to start teaching. As they taught others, their own skill increased. I believe the same applies to everyone. So, one of the ways you can apply Sophia to your life is to teach those who don’t know any better. You will come across people who are resistant to fixing their ignorance but more often than not, people are willing to learn. That means you can take the time to teach them.

Sophia also means cleverness and skill. In fact Homer applies to the term with the meaning “skillful in handicraft and in arts” towards both Athena and Hephaestus. Now, I would never suggest that we, as Hellenic polytheists, can be as skillful the Theoi in any way. We should all know why that’s a bad idea. However, we can become skilled in our own handicrafts and arts. That is another way to practice Sophia. Now, I know not all of us have something we can reasonably point to and say “That’s an art”. There are artists and musicians and weavers and seamstresses and poets among us, to be sure. But we also have writers. We have readers. We have spellcrafters. We have engineers. We have software coders. We have jewelers. We have homemakers. Sophia means cleverness and skill. That means there are many, many ways you can apply it to your daily life. Everyone has something they can do with skill. Sophia means practicing that skill and utilizing it.

To me, Sophia is one of the easiest pillars of Hellenic polytheism to bring into my every day life. Pursuing wisdom, battling ignorance, practicing a skill, these are all things that we are doing every day. And Sophia is as simple as that. Thank you for listening to today’s episode of Hellenic Polytheism, where we discussed the pillar Sophia. Today, I relied on the notes from one of my college courses, Intro to Philosophy, and the Homeric Hymns. As always, you can find links to the, well, one source that is linkable this time around, on my tumblr page at goddessdoeswitchery.tumblr.com, where I am also always free for discussions and questions. Coming on October 4th, the next pillar Sophrosune. I look forward to seeing you all then.

SOPHROSUNE

Hello and welcome to today’s episode of Hellenic Polytheism 101, where we will be moving onto to the next pillar of Hellenic Polytheism: Sophrosyne, which is, essentially, moderation, prudence, self-control, self-discipline, or temperance based upon thorough self-examination. Since we are coming up on a holiday season in the US, this seems like the perfect time to focus on Sophrosyne, and to remember it’s opposite, hubris, and how to avoid it. It is also important to remember that even in Ancient Greece, it was well understood that Sophrosyne could be taken too far, something we also understand still today.

“Earth shaker, you would not consider me sophrosyne if I were to fight with you for the sake of wretched mortals” Apollo says this to Poseidon in the Illiad, as Homer brings us a look at what Sophrosyne would mean to the same deity who brings us the Delphic Maxims, such as know know thyself, know by learning, exercise prudence, praise virtue, nothing in excess, know who is the judge, keep secret what should be kept secret, take sensible risks, be well behaved, be self disciplined, be sensible. This is not the only example in Homer’s work of Sophrosyne. In fact, there are a really a lot of them. I would definitely suggest you read both of them and look closely for examples of sophrosyne. Homer was very sensitive to the need for Sophrosyne in society and in an individual. On an individual level, sophrosyne prevented people form getting into serious trouble, both with themselves and on a religious level. After all, someone exercising sophrosyne would be very unlikely to become a spider after being cursed by Athena, right? On a modern level, someone exercising sophrosyne is less likely to face personal problems as well. You won’t wind up drinking to excess and getting into a car accident. You won’t find yourself challenging someone better than you to a fight. You won’t find yourself taking on more tasks than you can manage. You won’t find yourself spending more money than you can spare on things you don’t need. By exercising sophrosyne you can avoid a lot of trouble. On a societal level, we should try to exercise that same self control and temperance. After all, there is no reason for any country to spend more than 56 countries combined on defense spending. There is no reason for a city to cut taxes and not invest in repairing roads or assisting those who need it the most. There is no reason for a group of friends to go out in the middle of a pandemic to a bar just to have a good time. We can bring the ideals of sophrosyne to our own lives and encourage others to do the same, through voting and talking to others and being an example.

When we do not practice sophrosyne, we tend to fall victim to hubris. For someone who has spent any sort of time practicing Hellenic polytheism, we should all know exactly how bad hubris is. We’ve all probably seen it or heard it online. Recently, there was a lot of talk of witches online cursing the moon, specifically aimed at making Artemis or Apollo angry. Now, in the end, it was revealed to be some big hoax, a lie they told to make other witches start saying things about how they could tell someone had hexed the moon because their own spells weren’t as effective. Then the original hexers could say “Ha! We told you witch craft and the gods weren’t real, see? These guys said they noticed a change but we didn’t do anything, so clearly they must be faking!” The whole ordeal was a perfect example of what could happen if people fell victim to hubris, and many more sensible folks online pointed out that it was hubris, believing anyone could have an affect on a deity by cursing the moon. We’ve all seen other examples of hubris. Hellenic polytheists who say that Artemis would never let a man worship her, or a straight woman, or a woman who has had sex with a man. People who gatekeep, projecting their personal bigotry onto the Theoi. We’ve all come across. Hopefully, most have us have rolled our eyes and ignored it.

Even in mythology, hubris is painted to be among the worst things a person can be. Niobe lost her sons and daughters to Artemis and Apollo after she bragged to Leto that she was better than Leto for having more children. Arachne, turned into a spider for daring to compare herself to Athena. Antigone’s father, who lost his son and his wife for believing that his life was higher than the law of the gods. Oedipus refuses to accept his own fate and wound up falling victim to it because of his hubris. Ajax, believing he was entitled to the armor of Achilles and being driven mad and eventually killing himself. Icarus, flying to close to the sun, too prideful to listen to his father’s warnings. Orestes taking it upon himself to avenge his father by killing his mother and being driven mad. Greek stories are teeming with examples of people who have fallen victim to hubris. In many of these stories, sophrosyne is pointed to as a virtue to aspire to strictly to avoid it’s opposite, hubris.

And yet, we can also take sophrosyne too far. For example, in the Bacchae, Pentheus holds himself as a champion of sophrosyne, as fails to understand that by being overly self-controlled and self-discplined and holding himself up as the model of sophrosyne, he ignores the moderation and temperance part. He tried to force everyone listen to him, to oppose the Bacchic rites, and, in the end, his obsession with only a part of sophrosyne causes his own death. The Ancient Greeks understood that there was such a thing as being too controlled. There was such a thing as a fatal exaggeration of one side of the many-sided virtue of sophrosyne. Thus one of the biggest keys to sophrosyne is moderation. Nothing in excess says one of the Delphic Maxims, not even self-control and self-discipline.

As we go through this holiday there a lot of ways you can apply sophrosyne to your life. One of the dangers of the holidays is becoming over-extended. For example, I have a large family. Like…..over 100 people kind of large. So large that we could probably fill a high school basketball stadium kind of large. It’s also got a lot of different branches. Mom’s side, which has dad and mom in separate houses. My ex-stepdad, whose family we still see. My dad and his family. My dad’s ex wife and her daughter and her kids, who I’m also close to. My girlfriend. My kids’ dad and his family. I always joke that we’ve got our own little 12 days of Christmas skit between grandpa jones, grandpa long, Uncle Cody, Uncle Andrew, my dad, his ex wife’s house, my girlfriend, the kids’ dad, his family, and we’ve still got to squeeze out time for our own holiday celebration too. Factor in the fact that, like most customer service based companies in the US, my job doesn’t allow us to take more than half of Christmas Eve and all of Christmas day off. Sure, we’ve got the Sunday before and after when I’m off as well, but that’s barely 3 days for 4 states and 10 places to visit. Factor in the budget for all those places and all those gifts, not to mention the drama that comes around when we decide where we’re having Thanksgiving at and you can understand why I bring up being overextended as a danger of the holiday season. Now, maybe that isn’t a problem for you. Maybe you become over extended by volunteering to work too many hours to help your more Christian friends have time off. Maybe you offer to do too much during Thanksgiving and wind up having to wake up at 5 am to get started on a meal that you can’t believe you promised to cook. Maybe during Halloween, you spend too much time focused on parties or trick-or-treating and realize that you would have had a much better time sitting at home, watching Halloweentown with a bowl of candy and some friends. Either way, we all tend to push ourselves too hard, especially once the holidays roll around and we start wanting to do everything so we can get every experience. We need to remember sophrosyne during this time. Exercise self-control and stay home when it’s something you want to do. Exercise self-discipline and avoid getting gifts when you can’t afford it, there is no shame in saying “Look, finances are strapped and I can’t manage more than X”. Exercise moderation and remember that you can’t actually do everything. Be prudent and accept the reality of whatever situation you are facing. Practice sophrosyne.

Thank you for listening to today’s episode of Hellenic Polytheism 101 where we discussed another one of the Pillars of Hellenic polytheism, Sophrosyne. Today, I relied on the Odyssey, The Illiad, Sophrosyne: Self Knowledge and Self-Restraint in Greek Literature by Helen North, A Period of Opposition to Sophrosyne In Greek Thought also by Helen North, Mythology of the Greeks by George Grote, and the Wikipedia entry for Sophrosyne. Remember, all links to the resources I used can be found on my tumblr at goddessdoeswitchery.tumblr.com, along with a transcript of today’s episode under the tag “Transcripts”. I look forward to speaking with you all again on October 18th, where we will be discussing Eusebia.

EUSEBIA

Hello and welcome to today’s episode of Hellenic Polytheism 101, where we will be discussing, Eusebia, or reverence and duty towards the gods. Now, keep in mind that Eusebia was so revered, so vital to the worship and religion of the ancient greeks that she became a personified spirit, who was married to Nomos, the Law, and had a child, Dike. This already sets aside this particular pillar from the others. As a being, Eusebia was the personified spirit of piety, loyalty, duty and filial respect. However, we are not yet at the point for deities or personifications, so mostly all of today will be focused on talking about what Eusebia is as a concept and how we can practice it as a modern worshipper. Now, so far we’ve talked a lot about our relationships with the many deities we worship. We’ve talked about offerings and Kharis, we’ve talked about the humility we should approach them with, and we’ve talked about the respect we should bring with us whenever we approach them. All of that goes into Eusebia.

Eusebia is about reverence towards the Theoi. That reverence is where, I’ve noticed, a lot of modern worshippers tend to falter. There is nothing wrong with making a joke about some of the Theoi. I don’t know if all of you have heard the one about Hermes being the only god to pay his worshippers for their worship. It’s fun to joke about that. I always like using Hermes as an example of a deity that a lot of worshippers are fairly causal with. He is, in my experience, one of the most easy going deities. He’s the type of god that puts a train on every track between your home and work on the only morning you’re running late for the last 6 months, just to get a message to you. He’s a prankster, a jokester….and still deserves the same degree of reverence as every other deity. Just because you can laugh with him doesn’t mean he is not revered by you. After all, he is also the shepherd of the dead, the one who guides their souls. He is the god of travel, of languages, of luck, of communication, and like 1000 other things.

It is not reverent to attempt to speak for the Theoi. It is not reverent to make up bullshit facts about a specific goddess to say that she would be on your side of an online discourse. It is not reverent to leave a deity out of your worship because you don’t like how one interpretation of one of the myths portray the deity. It is not reverent to drag the Theoi down to the level of an online personality. They are gods and goddesses and they deserve to revered as such. By virtue of what they are, they deserve the worship, offerings, and the rituals that we engage in. Impiety was frowned upon by the ancient greeks and should continue to be frowned upon today. It has never been acceptable to treat the Theoi like accessories, to be tried on and discarded whenever you don’t have enough time to engage with them. You find time, you make time, in whatever you can. And it doesn’t have to be a big thing. A prayer. A lit candle. Some incense. A quick offering. The Theoi deserve worship.

But, just like with some of the other pillars, the people of ancient Greece knew that there was such a thing as being too pious. There were people who spent too much time praying, too much time fearing the Theoi, and were constantly sure they had something to offend the Theoi and so spent even more time praying and offering and attending to the temples. This excessive fear, or deisidaimonia, was a sign of taking Eusebia too far. It was understood that a person should be mindful of the Theoi, and take an appropriate amount of time and give the appropriate offerings. This also included attending and participating in the appropriate rituals and festivals.

Eusebia also means understanding why we do the things we do. Why do we give these particular offerings? Why are offerings for Chthonic and Ouranic deities different? What are the reasons behind certain rituals? What are the reasons behind traditional offerings? Eusebia means understanding these things, having the answers to these questions and not just blindly following a traditional path. It’s important to understand the reason why. And so, Eusebia means taking the time to research your beliefs. If you have questions, put in the work to answer them. This can also definitely include asking others. We are a community. So, if you have questions, reach out. Ask people, “Why are coins such a common offering to Hermes?” Find a book in the library about the life of people of ancient Greece. Put in the effort to research and create your own calendar with your own rituals and holidays. Take the time to understand why, to research your deities and understand what they might ask of you, and why they would ask it. All too often, I’ve seen popular bloggers and popular authors in the community asked the same question a 100 times because the idea of taking the time to do your own research is apparently distasteful to some people.

It is important to remember, as a part of Eusebia, that the Theoi are not room mates or friends or accessories. They are deities. They are gods and goddesses and titans and by virtue of what they are, they deserve our devotion. I’ve always seen Hellenic polytheism as a simpler path than Christianity. We do not have a single, omniscient, all powerful god that offers a set of rules that must be followed or else we will suffer for all eternity. That’s not how Hellenic polytheism works. We worship our gods in our own way, at our own pace. Hellenic polytheism is a very personable religion. Everything about it, from hymns to holidays to rituals to altars to offerings, everything is unique to each individual practitioner. But, on the flip side, that means that we don’t have a holy book to draw from. That means that we don’t have a set of authority figures we have to listen to. We are responsible for our own piety. We are responsible for our own worship. We are responsible for our own research. We are responsible for our own devoutness. We are responsible for ourselves.

And that’s what Eusebia is, that’s why it is gets set up as a pillar of Hellenic polytheism. It is a vital component of our religious practice, to take the time to not only worship, but to know how and why we worship the way we do. It is necessary to show the Theoi the respect they are due, by virtue of their very being. It is necessary to speak about them with reverence, to be loyal, to not use them as talking points or spell ingredients. It is necessary to take the time, to do the research, to understand the whys, to understand the rituals we take part in when we light incense and offer up a prayer and use an epithet and recite a Homeric hymn. This isn’t a religion where we can just go through the motions. We have to put the proper amount of reverence into our actions. We have to be devout, and loyal, and have a healthy amount of respect and fear towards these beings who we worship and who take the time to guide us on our way. It is necessary to be humble, to understand that what we are doing is worshipping the Theoi. I don’t know about anyone else, but when I pray, when I let incense or a candle or wrap my hands around a set of prayer beads, when I take that time…..I’ve never felt so at peace. That feeling, that love and devotion and serenity…..that’s the feeling of Eusebia. Next time you get to that point, when you feel that, take the time to focus on that feeling and harness it. Meditate on it. That’s what you should draw on when you think of Eusebia and how to interact with the Theoi, those beings that we worship as Hellenic polytheists.

Thank you for listening to today’s episode of Hellenic Polytheism 101, where we discussed Eusebia. For my sources today, I used the book Greek Religion by Walter Burkett, found on the Internet Archive. I also used The Greek Way by Edith Hamilton. I used Baring the Aegis’ and Elanion’s posting on Eusebia as well. Remember, you can find links to the sources, as well as a transcript of today’s episode, on my tumblr at goddessdoeswitchery.tumblr.com. You can also always reach me there as well with any questions. Don’t forget to tune in to the next episode, on November 1st, which will be the last one discussing the pillars the Hellenic polytheism. I will be discussing the final pillar, hagneia. I look forward to seeing you all then!

HAGNEIA

Hello and welcome to today’s episode of Hellenic polytheism 101 where we will be discussing the final pillar, Hangeia. Now, anyone who is able to look at this word might note it bears a striking similarity to the word “hygienic” and then, you would be on to something. Hagneia is more of a ritual purity, an avoidance of miasma and cleansing oneself before you go before the Theoi, before you engage in rituals. Now, does this mean you can’t shoot off a quick prayer before you wash your hands while gardening? No, of course not, thus the “ritual” part of the “ritual purity”. Now, there is actually a lot of disagreement regarding miasma and cleansing in the Hellenic polytheism community. There are those that claim that for the most part, the average person won’t be contaminated with miasma throughout the course of an average life. There are those that believe that we collect miasma throughout the course of our everyday life. There are those that believe that we must fully cleanse ourselves before an offering. There are those that believe that a simple washing of the hands will suffice. There are those that believe the cleansing must be done with khernips, or lustral water. There are those that believe the cleansing can be done with any clean water. And there are those believe any variation of those beliefs combined. Remember one of the best part of Hellenic polytheism is that it is so personable. Therefore, most of this is going to be looking at it from how I work. As always, I urge you to do your own research on the matter.

Now, the first thing to keep in mind is that Hagneia was used to mostly mean ritually pure, spiritually pure, and was understood to mean whether or not someone was fit to approach the gods. There were things you could come into contact with that would create a buildup of miasma and it was best to avoid those things when you could. However, you can’t always do so. Some of those things are death in the family, giving birth, illness (not chronic illness, but like the flu), are all examples of something that can be considered miasmic. The real question we face today is how to cleanse that miasma? Most of the time, the biggest cure for miasma was time. There was a period of time you had to wait to no longer be considered miasmic after having given birth, or after losing a loved one. You were supposed to wait until after an illness has passed. And, you were supposed to cleanse yourself. Mostly that meant washing up, getting physically clean. For today, that means wash your hands, wash your face, take a shower or a bath (especially if you’d been sick, take a shower and change into clean clothes). So that part is really simple.

Now, historically, there was also another thing that rendered you miasmic. It very likely won’t apply to anyone hearing this or reading the transcript, but it is an issue that is covered in pretty much every source I read regarding miasma and Hagneia so I am going to mention it as well. Murdering someone was very much a cause of miasma. There were very special midnight rituals one was supposed to engage in in order to cleanse oneself of the miasma caused by murder. I would say that in today’s society that if you commit murder, you’re likely to get caught and so won’t have much use of said ritual, but that’s statistically unlikely so I’m just gonna say, don’t commit murder and you won’t have to worry about what that midnight ritual is. Mostly I just figured the fact that it’s mentioned so often is an interesting historical side note.

Time to move on the things that are more likely to affect you, such as how to practice Hagneia as a modern worshipper. While I would love it if the average Hellenic polytheist could go to a temple and worship with others on a regular basis, the fact is that most of us worship and prayer and do rituals on our own, or with a very tight knit group in a personal, private space. I myself am mostly a solitary practitioner. Sure, I have my mom and my sister and my kids, and I have a community of people online; but in my daily practice, it’s me, by myself doing the offering and praying and general worshipping. That’s probably true of most of you all as well. So how does a mostly solitary practitioner who isn’t going attending a ritual hosted by or attended by a large amount of people deal with the community based concepts like miasma and Hagneia? Well, in my case it means that I tend to put holiday rituals and offerings on hold when I would be considered miasmic. It means that when a close family member died, I prayed at the funeral for her safe passage and otherwise avoided rituals for a month. It means that when I gave birth to my kids, rituals and offerings were on hold for 10 days, which was about how long it took for me to even be in the mindset to get back to daily worship and prayers. It means that when I am sick, I wait until I am recovered to engage in practice and worship. When I got the flu a few years back, (three times that year, which is what I get for not getting the flu shot, I’m telling you, I’ll never miss it again and if you haven’t yet gotten your flu shot this year, please do) I stayed in bed and rested until I was better. I may have said a few informal prayers, like something along the lines of “please let this stop, I feel like I’m dying here”, but I waited until I was well. I then cleaned my bed and my room and myself and my clothes and changed my toothbrush and brushed my teeth with the clean toothbrush and got clean again before I went back to a regular worship schedule. So, for about 5 weeks that winter, I didn’t do very much in the way or practicing. And that’s okay. That’s what practicing Hagneia and avoiding bringing miasma to the Theoi is.

So, as a modern worshipper, the best way to practice Hagneia is to stay clean. Cleanse yourself of miasma as you come across it, make sure that you are fit to approach the Theoi before you do so. It’s a very simple pillar to follow because for the most, most of us already do. The next time you feel guilty about not being able to worship because you’re sick, or have a death in the family, or a newborn at home, remember that the break you’re taking is required, and important. It’ll be okay. The Theoi will understand.

Thank you for listening to today’s episode of Hellenic Polytheism 101. This is the last one that will be spent discussing the Pillars of Hellenic Polytheism. Remember, you can always find a transcript of the podcast on my blog at goddessdoeswitchery.tumblr.com, as well as a link to the sources I used today, which were: Inner Purity and Pollution by Andrej Petrov; Shame and Purity in Euripides' Hippolytus by Charles Segal; Shame in Ancient Greece by David Konstan, The Pillars of Hellenismos and What is and Is Not Miasmic by BaringTheAegis; and finally, A Beginner’s Guide to Hellenismos by Timothy Jay Alexander. You can also always ask me any questions at any time there as well. Finally, I will also have on there a complete transcript of all 7 episodes about the Pillars in a single post as well. Right now, we’re looking at 12 pages, and 8637 words, so it’ll be a very long post, set under a read more. The post will contain links to all the sources used for these last 7 episodes as well, so please fell free to check it out and continue your own research. For the next episode, I’m going to be discussing the Delphic maxims. There are 147 of them, so don’t worry, I’m not about to go fully in depth with each one the way I did the pillars. It’ll be just a simple discussion on the maxims themselves. I look forward to seeing you all then on Nov 15th!

#transcripts #transcript #hellenic polytheism 101 #pillars of hellenic polytheism #sophia #hagneia #kharis #arete #sophrosyne #eusebia #xenia

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femmedplume · 4 years ago

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i am feeling the same way, (((hugs))). ok, here's a distraction, why do you think azula lost it so much once she became firelord? it seemed very abrupt to me and it came out of nowhere. it was almost like they just did it so zuko could become firelord. and, why did she cry once katara trapped her and defeated her?

First of all *hugs forever* I wish we lived closer so’s we could hang out when shit got real.

Secondly... DISCOURSE, HOORAY!

Okay so. Azula. *Cracks knuckles*

She was NEVER stable, which is why I don’t think her descent into madness was all that abrupt. Mebbe they didn’t give as much emphasis to her story development as they did Zuko, so it didn’t come off as well? But for me, it was the culmination of how she’d always been. She’s obviously psychotic, and at first I thought she was a malevolent sociopath: manipulative, sadistic, completely lacking empathy.

But now I think she’s just as much a product of their abusive father as Zuko is; desperate and broken and craving love and validation. Like, as a child we see her being gleefully malicious, faithless, manipulative, etc...JUST LIKE DADDY. Ozai treasured her, complimented her, obviously treated her like the favorite, which means she was probably mimicking Dad’s behavior to get validation. Thing is, no matter how much Azula tried, Zuko was the Heir, not her; which, considering that she was the more talented must have felt unfair.

Of course, if she’d had good parents, she would’ve been nurtured to feel secure in her worth as the Second Child, and that she and Zuko were a team, etc etc. But her Dad was DEFINITELY a malevolent sociopath, and her Mom was a) an abused woman in a constant struggle with her powerful-and-evil husband and b) obviously favored Zuko over Azula. Her only other family was her Grandfather (who was a family man, but simultaneously super evil? Like he was loyal to Iroh, but was perfectly okay with having Zuko murdered??) and her Uncle Iroh, who once again favored Zuko.

Azula’s mother actually called her a monster, something which is bound to fuck a child’s psyche UP.

There was no one to teach her a good path, or to make her feel worthy except Evil!Dad Ozai; she was never praised unless she showed those awful, manipulative, violent behaviors. And at the same time, she was spoiled as a princess, because nobody but her Mom or Dad was allowed to actually discipline her. It’s no wonder she grew up into a monster.

Zuko’s description of Azula was the Popular One Who Things Always Came Easy To, but looking back at Zuko himself, I’ve noticed something interesting: people are always trying to be his friend. He’s angry, stand-offish and volatile, AND YET. Everywhere he goes, people immediately love him and want to help him, whether or not he deserves it.

No one reacts that way to Azula. This may be part of where Azula’s drive for perfection comes from; the idea that if she’s just perfect enough, people will love her as much as they love Zuko.

What people are responding to is the goodness and honor at the core of Zuko, but think of how that must have looked to a young Azula: somehow people like her brother more, even though she’s the smartest and fastest and most powerful. It must have felt like nothing Azula had to offer was good enough. Everyone always chooses Zuko. Her mother actually leaves them to save Zuko’s life, choosing Zuko over Azula (in Azula’s mind, anyway.) Even after he’s been disgraced and banished, her Uncle (the only family besides Evil!Dad she’s got left) chooses to go with Zuko instead of staying with her!

And then. AND THEN. She goes to find her two best friends to help her on this quest to capture Zuko and Iroh (and she has to threaten Ty Lee to get her to come,) but like... the SECOND Zuko comes back into the fold, they gravitate towards him. Mai becomes his girlfriend, Ty Lee obviously likes him, (Ty Lee’s another person to be jealous of, because she’s so popular,) and once again it looks like Azula’s going to end up being second best.

Even their common enemies like Zuko better. Remember when Azula was chasing Aang, that moment in the abandoned village where Azula and Zuko and Aang get in that three-way fight? Everyone ends up banding together with Zuko, against Azula.

With every instance where Zuko goes against Evil!Dad’s wishes and somehow survives and flourishes-- and makes MORE friends? WTF??-- Azula’s sense of what’s “fair” gets more twisted. She’s the one who always does what she’s told, pleases Evil!Dad at every turn, doesn’t break Fire Nation law...but Zuko is beloved. No one loves Azula.

This is, in part, why she set him up to take the fall if the Avatar survived; because in Azula’s mind, Zuko is allowed to fail. Azula can’t take that chance.

And even after Zuko turned 100% traitor against the Fire Nation, Azula’s best friends (her only friends) betray her to protect Zuko. Betray her. Their BFF. The one who’s made them powerful and special. For Never-Does-What-He’s-Told, Less Powerful, Less Charismatic, Actual Traitor Zuko??

That’s the moment that breaks her. If she can’t trust Mai and Ty Lee, she can’t trust anyone.

Now.

Let’s be clear.

The reason Azula can’t command this kind of loyalty is because she’s a bad person deep down. Like, real deep down. Like faithless, cruel, selfish, arrogant, willing-to-murder-innocents deep down bad person. She’s a liar and a thief, spiteful and cruel, doesn’t do anything for anyone that doesn’t also benefit her, and her only goals are to gain more tyrannical power (and then maybe also have a boyfriend who will oppress the innocent with her.) She’s been a crazy bitch her whole life, and has done nothing to deserve the love and loyalty she craves.

But she doesn’t see that. She doesn’t understand herself or others. She thinks friends are something to possess, that you buy them by being powerful and good at stuff, and then you own them.

So when she loses her only friends, her whole world-view is rocked. If you don’t own your friends based on your power and skill, then how do you keep them? If you can’t command loyalty, then how can you be sure anyone is loyal? Azula’s forced to look back at what her mother said about her and either A) face the fact that she is a monster, that her own personal choices have led her to this, that’s she’s been wrong her entire life, and that if she’s to get the loyalty and love she wants she’ll have to change her ENTIRE PERSONALITY--

or B) lose her shit.

So she loses her shit. Because of the two choices, that’s easier. Plus, she has the tools for that. She has NO tools for expressing her emotions or apologizing.

And the screaming at the end? That’s just rage and pain, babey. She put everything on the line, and she lost. She was wrong, Zuko was right, she lost and no one’s even going to be mad about it because everyone hates her and she knows it.

Bitch I’d be scream-crying too.

Distract me with asks!

#avatar: the last airbender #atla #azula #stitch has an opinion #stitch watches the television #sammit and stitch #stitch answers an ask #theychosefamily

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autumnblogs · 4 years ago

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Day 41: Caliborn: Enter

https://homestuck.com/story/4956 It’s pretty natural that Dirk’s move on Jake is going to put a strain on Jane’s friendship with him, even if he hasn’t made it yet; I think it definitely gives some insight into Jane that she reacts the way that she does. Not exactly a graceful loser, and in a way that is really pretty passive-aggressive.

She’s not as open and honest as Jade is; as the Prospit Dreamers go, in general, she’s really pretty guarded.

More after the Break

https://homestuck.com/story/4961

The AR, I feel like, gives us a pretty good look into who Dirk is, and while we already know that he impulsively jumps to the first solution he can think of, we can see through the shades that he tends to advise people to do the same things that he does.

Dirk is an extremely headstrong guy, and while he’s both very intelligent, and would really like to be a Puppetmaster, he can’t help but let his personality shine through his puppets; and he can’t help but let his first inclination determine his course of action. He’s him, after all. Why would he question his own judgement?

A bit like how Kermit the Frog is really just Jim Henson the Frog.

https://homestuck.com/story/4962

So what is a Juju?

Juju is a word which comes from French, and means plaything. It is a term that has been used to characterize the Folk Magic and/or Folk Religion of the people of West Africa, in much the same way that Totem has been, or that Fetish has been. In a nutshell, Juju can mean both Spiritual Power (as Mana), and an Object of Spiritual Power (as an Amulet) - the physical manifestation of the thing, and the thing itself are the same, in this sense.

The God and the Idol are the same - at least, they are to the external viewer. While it should be clear that this is a reductive view of it, the fact of the matter is that, a central part of a lot of religious practice in general is to treat the image of a thing, and the thing itself, as though they are the same; and we see this sort of image-based performance all throughout homestuck, through symbols, and rituals, especially where they are empty signifiers - symbols and rituals that have been emptied of their original meaning, and are now practiced only for their own sake.

Following the rules actually doesn’t seem to pay all that much in the world of Homestuck, and almost universally leads to disaster - which in no small part appears to be because the creator of the rules is Lord English.

https://homestuck.com/story/4965

I think it’s pretty interesting that Caliborn’s conception of smut is something as tame as fluffy hand-holding and caressing. While on the one hand, we can just say “Cherubs think it’s taboo because they can only enjoy Caliginous romance” I think we can also associate it with the relatively sexless nature of Homestuck, beyond how horny the characters are, and a few oblique references (which is not a bad thing; it’s about teenagers). In spite of all of the suggestive language and content, there is no possibility of consummation in Homestuck, or even until well after the end of Homestuck, because Caliborn’s vision of intimacy is a sexless one.

https://homestuck.com/story/4967

This takes a turn for the fucked up at the end. I mean, it’s all fucked up to begin with, but it’s such a non-sequitur.

https://homestuck.com/story/4968

Caliborn uses consumption related metaphors and imagery in relation to smut. Aside from jokes about Vore, what’s the significance of that? That the intention of Caliborn and Calliope is to comment on the fandom of Homestuck itself (continuing the identification of the Characters with the Audience that we discussed yesterday) is not really a secret to anyone. How does Caliborn view engaging with Homestuck, and how does he therefore view engaging with Andrew? His view is Hegemonistic and Predatory. From his point of view, the universe he inhabits is full of things to be consumed; objects to absorb, break down into the parts of themselves that make him more powerful, and the parts that can be discarded.

https://homestuck.com/story/4970

I really never get tired of Caliborn, he’s so awful.

https://homestuck.com/story/4971

His conception of human romance is one where he conceives of women as essentially objects of gratification; woman on woman is allowed, I suspect, for much the same reason that it is often rationalized that f*tanari porn isn’t gay; how could jackin’ it to two women be gay?

The idea of women as actors who exist for reasons other than to gratify men, and other than to gratify Caliborn in particular does not occur to him.

Obviously, men don’t exist to gratify each other. That’d be too mutualistic.

https://homestuck.com/story/4981

The Interplay of Sex and Violence.

As long as this sequence is pretty much over;

Why does Caliborn want to play a game? I think the answer is in line with the overall theme of Homestuck. Cultural transmission.

In his book Homo Ludens Dutch historian Johan Huizinga discusses the nature of Play as an element of cultural transmission, and as a necessary (but not sufficient) condition for the generation of culture.

What this means in a nutshell is; Games aren’t the only thing that is necessary for culture to be created, but they are necessary for culture to be created. Can’t have culture without games. A big part of this is because games serve as a stage for human beings to symbolically and ritualistically practice the activities that, as a member fo their culture, they will one day have to perform in order to survive.

This is why games like Tag, and Hide and Seek are the oldest in the world; humans are persistence predators, we hunt down our prey by just not giving the fuck up.

Caliborn’s game is Irony and Porn; insincerity, reproductive activity, etc. and gaming is intrinsically competitive to him; he uses his game as a form of power over Dirk Strider, the power to make him suffer, although since he’s such a dweeb, he’s pretty bad at making him suffer.

https://homestuck.com/story/4986

Meenah likes games too, but her enjoyment of them seems to be a lot more authentic, sincere - as opposed to being a form of power for her to hold over her enemies, her little word-games, with her fish-puns, are a source of legitimate joy to her, and the fact that Aranea will engage her in them creates friendship between the two of them.

https://homestuck.com/story/5027

All this may not have a whole lot of substance to it (I’m making posts at this point almost 40 pages apart), but that doesn’t mean it’s devoid of worth. Homestuck has plenty of pathos, and in spite of the fact that Andrew adores making fun of us for caring about these characters, I do actually care about all of these characters.

They sure have come a long way.

https://homestuck.com/story/5083

As Roxy is ostensibly the stealth leader of her session, we should generally be willing to accept her takes as gospel in a way that we don’t take other characters’ (at least to a certain extent). We just got done talking about how important rules are to the cherubs, and to Caliborn explicitly - we should take heed of the fact that Roxy is very willing to throw caution to the wind and abandon the rules.

Rules in Paradox Space are largely harmful restrictions to be worked around, rather than auspicious maxims to adhere to.

https://homestuck.com/story/5071

Caliborn is a serial forced memer. We’ve already talked oodles and oodles about symbols and rituals and empty signifiers; what is a forced meme except for an empty signifier? An attempt by a malicious third party to turn a meaningless set of pictures and words into a symbol, a symbol that signifies nothing other than itself, and commands the attention and adherence of people in the culture? Rules for the sake of rules. Memes for the sake of memes.

https://homestuck.com/story/5089

Roxy’s anxious babbling is just so much like Dave’s, it’s hilarious. Their language less so.

https://homestuck.com/story/5092

The answer to what a ball’s topspin is, by the way, if you didn’t already know is

an English.

https://homestuck.com/story/5099

Why does Calliope want to be a Troll so badly?

The answer is that she doesn’t want to be a Cherub.

Why doesn’t she want to be a Cherub?

That question could probably keep me up all night, but I think I have an answer right away. Cherubs are arbitrarily powerful, and Calliope does not want to be a Cherub. She wants to be anything other than a Cherub. I can kind of relate to that, even as a human being. After all, there aren’t cherubs and trolls around, even though they are conceivable. Of all of the things we know for sure that consciously exist in our own universe, humans are the most powerful things we know exist for sure. I’d spend a lot to not be one; power, after all, makes us more inhuman.

https://homestuck.com/story/5116

Since I can’t pass up an opportunity to comment on the metanarrative indulgence of the second half, let’s pause to appreciate the term MacGuffin; in a nutshell, an object which exists to be desired. Its only purpose in the story is for someone to want it.

https://homestuck.com/story/5217

The fact that Dirk is conscious of the internal head-goings-on of Brain Ghost Dirk, and is therefore, to some extent cognizant of the head-goings-on of Jake English just opens up so many questions that I still don’t really have an answer to.

https://homestuck.com/story/5238

I rag on Dirk a lot for being a piece of shit.

But man, he is so cool.

https://homestuck.com/story/5246

This entire awful romantic escapade has been created by the Auto-responder, and while Dave has been complicit in it, he is not the puppetmaster behind it. Sound familiar?

https://homestuck.com/story/5252

This flash is just so delightful to me.

It’s the first time Roxy has ever touched another living human being and look how delighted she is.

LOOK HOW HAPPY SHE IS.

https://homestuck.com/story/5261

Now that we know who Lord English is, we have an opportunity to get to know him a little more as a person. Aside from his absurd commitment to puzzle-murders, his strange relationship with romance and sexuality, and his awful and perfunctory craftsmanship, here’s the most important thing to understand about him;

He will always destroy something irreplaceable if it means he can acquire more power.

#liveblogging #commentary #homo ludens

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crystalelemental · 4 years ago

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heavenlyfury replied to your post “Another merge project complete, and this time, we have the illustrious...”

An impressive unit, and what a character! My issue with Edelgard is, as much as her goals are noble and understable, her actions are just... Very unreasonable? Like she could have done things very differently in order to get what she wanted, and I simply cannot fathom why she thought Those who slithered in the dark were better allies than the church. Like, you don't trust Rhea, I get it.

But did she expect to wage war on the entire continent, basically alone (without diplomatically support), before taking on an enemy that has NUKES? Like those priorities are all kinds of wrong! But I still kinda love her intensity and the ambition, the idea of making her a different kind of protagonist. Anyways, congrats again!

Thank you. Edelgard is indeed pretty huge as a unit. Anyway, the short version of this is “no one’s wrong for having issues with Edelgard and her approach,” but I do have a lot to add in here.

I’m going to try going through this in order, but I’m building this as I go so bear with me.

What was her alternative? On the one hand, we know from experience that Rhea doesn’t want to lead, and passes the torch off to Byleth immediately. That could’ve happened in the near future for the CF route as well, even without Edelgard instigating war. But how would she know that? Edelgard has no way of knowing, or believing, that Rhea would cede power. She’s also got her own experience seeing her family’s power usurped by the nobility, who then immediately abused that power, and resulted in her and countless others being tortured for crest research. From her own experiences, it makes sense that she’s not willing to wait, and believes no one would accept her proposal if she were peaceful. And in that last part, she’s...kinda right. Rhea would cede her power to Byleth, sure, but she wouldn’t be willing to undermine the system she established to maintain peace and safety for herself.

Diplomacy sounds good, and is always the preference, but from Edelgard’s experience and point of view, she’s seen how awful the nobility is, how awful the system Rhea created is, and has seen how hard she cracks down on anyone who goes against that. Lonato’s little rebellion is immediately and violently suppressed, getting the innocents under him caught up in it as well. Hell, his son. Allegedly, he was executed for participating in a conspiracy to assassinate Rhea. Which directly mirrors something that happens after we beat Lonato: we find that document about a plan to assassinate her. But that turned out to be nothing, everyone saw right through it and identified that there was an alternate goal. Everyone...except Rhea and those working in the church. So how likely was it that Lonato’s son was actually going to do anything of the sort? Was his execution just? Was the execution of those in the Western Church just, considering they didn’t do anything particularly violent, they just used an opportunity to break into the vault and attempt stealing a hidden relic. Rhea may not be directly violent and out burning villages and slaughtering innocents for funsies. But she’s not exactly merciful, and will go hard against anyone who opposes what she upholds as necessity. Why would Edelgard assume diplomacy would work? Wouldn’t trying to be diplomatic by undermining the teachings of Seiros to suggest an alternative get her branded a heretic, and have the entire might of the church against her? At best, she’d lose her chance at returning power to the throne, and the corrupt nobles who allowed her family to be tortured and decimated maintain their status. At worst, she could be executed for the crime of going against the church on top of that. We don’t know for sure, we don’t see any of that play out, but from Edelgard’s perspective, they’re not likely to respond, and giving them that advance warning lets them prepare, and the Church is still the seat of power in Fodlan.

Which brings us to the Agarthans. Yes, Edelgard siding with them seems incredibly stupid. And it is infuriating, knowing that what happened to her was directly their fault. Which is something she’s aware of, mind. The Crimson Flower route makes clear that they don’t trust the Agarthans at all, it’s a temporary alliance to face off against a more threatening foe. Which...honestly, is fair. Aside from the fact that the Church has the strongest standing army, there’s Rhea to deal with. In Verdant Wind and Silver Snow, we see Rhea, in dragon form, caught in the blast range of TWO of those nukes, and she doesn’t die. That should express the level of discrepancy between the power of a dragon, and the power the Agarthans have. It took two nukes to injure her. What are general human tactics supposed to do against that? Against not just the human forces among her ranks, but also the golems she has under her command? Their power is, in fact, a necessity to face off against this combined power. Though I will fully admit that they could’ve done a better job of having the Agarthans directly involved in the fights.

As for why is she still willing to accept that help, despite them being the most directly responsible...ultimately it comes down to seeing beyond herself. Yes, the Agarthans are a problem. They are the most directly responsible for her suffering, Lysithea’s suffering, and are the most direct cause of bloodshed in the narrative. But consider. The Agarthans’ crest research is something that’s accepted by the nobles in the empire. It’s not like they didn’t know what was up. And society at large values crests so significantly, that the idea of being able to imbue others with that power, and creating people with two crests as weapons, is enticing. The Agarthans are directly responsible, but the nobility is indirectly complicit in atrocities for their own gain, while the church created the system that places value on the kind of work and ambitions they have. Crests are important, controlling crests and their power is the basis of society. You have to beat that system, which Rhea is the head of. And consider that when Arianrhod was nuked in CF, Edelgard is legitimately surprised. She likely didn’t know the Agarthans had that kind of firepower, which contextualizes a lot. Rhea’s a huge dragon, who even the Agarthans are scared of despite their advanced technology. But their advanced technology is mostly duplications of the divine weapons, which means their power is roughly equivalent to yours. One is a massive threat well above your level of power, and the other is roughly equivalent. You want both dead, but the equivalent foe is willing to back you to take on the much stronger one. You gonna say no?

Anyway, let’s say Edelgard did address the Agarthans first. Just broke in and cracked Thales’ skull open with Aymr and took a shit right on his floor. What then? You took out those responsible for the direct application of atrocities, but the system that permitted it is still in play, run by a super powerful being you can’t defeat. Consider what happened with Miklan; effectively disowned solely for not having a crest, and driven to what he wound up doing. He was a bastard because of the environment he grew up in. The system as a whole breeds the kind of resentment and power-seeking ambition that Miklan displays. So if she does kill off the Agarthans right away, but then can’t take out Rhea...what did that accomplish? Temporary reprieve? Because the system still permits for people to perform blood treatments, and implants the desire to do so, because it values crests and their power above human life. You’re not getting to the source of the issue any other way.

Not to get too political on main, but it’s kinda like what we’ve got going on in the US right now. People are recognizing that it’s the entire system that’s the problem. The system is corrupt to the point it produces these problems by design. Simply firing a few officers won’t fix police brutality, racial sensitivity trainings won’t fix inherent discrimination in the system, etc. The system has to go. And trying to address it around the direct issue with these calls of “just go out and vote in people who will fix it!” isn’t sufficient. A changing of the guard in the same system will yield the same results. The system of nobility and how it’s determined is the problem in this scenario. Changing out who the nobles are isn’t going to fix it, you have to dismantle the concept of nobility and create a new system in its place to avoid this just happening again. That’s the crux of Edelgard’s motivation.

I think people get annoyed with the Agarthans because they consider her motivation a personal one. And to a degree, it is. She was directly harmed by their actions, and by the system that permitted their actions, and of course must have personal feelings regarding that matter. But Edelgard is someone who looks beyond herself and her immediate pain to look at what is necessary to accomplish a broader goal. It goes so far that she’s willing to work with the people who caused her harm, if it means preventing harm to others by dismantling the system.

The real question is whether the outcome she hopes for is realistic. She’s essentially creating a single locus of power, just like Rhea did, and hinging all of the future on that locus of power doing the right thing and continuing her work. Because she doesn’t stay in power either, she steps down. All it would take is one person gaining that same level of power, but having completely different views, to undermine everything she’s done. Not to mention her goal seems to be creation of a meritocracy, which sounds great, but plenty of places in the world right now say they have that and how well is that going? Merit is often determined by experiences, which in turn is directly influenced by wealth. While the concept of “nobility” may be erased, unless that includes redistribution of wealth and resources for the common good, people who were once nobility still have an advantage and will remain on top. I mean, god, look at Ferdinand’s suggestion of free public schooling as a means of determining merit for those who should lead society in political life. How’s that working out now? The US education system’s sure doing great with making sure things are equitable because it’s free. There are a lot of factors to consider, and Edelgard’s current assessment of where to go once she wins isn’t fully formed, which means whatever system she creates is likely to be imperfect as well. Not to mention a system built on a mountain of corpses might have some moral quandaries to wrestle with. But if the alternative is keeping the current system because “She doesn’t have a better idea,” then I’d say she was right to act. You can’t let something awful continue just because you can’t fix every problem at once. Something needed to be done, and someone needed to take that first step toward true change. Edelgard was willing to be the one to take that step. So while there may be problems to her approach, problems which she openly acknowledges and identifies, I think it’s better that she’s willing to go forward with a plan to enact change and try something, instead of just sitting still, letting things continue, and doing nothing but “sending thoughts and prayers.” Sometimes there is no good solution, and you can’t just sit around theory crafting until you’re certain it’s going to work. Sometimes you just have to act and do your best to get the best outcome. And that’s what Edelgard does. And I love it.

#heavenlyfury #fire emblem three houses #edelgard #edelgard von hresvelg

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cristinablackthornkingson · 4 years ago

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What Might Have Been, Part 3.

Check out part 1 here and part 2 here

It is a warm Spring day in March, year of The Chinchilla, 17 years after the Midmerican Scythedom were rocked by the loss of their High Blade Scythe Robert Goddard, when the woman formerly known as Scythe Ayn Rand, is faced with the conversation she has dreaded for the past 17 years.

Just last week Olivia Kwon and Tyger Salazar’s son Alexander, turned 17.

That day was also 16 years since Olivia and Tyger tried to make things work with eachother, they dated on and off throughout Alex’s early childhood, and though there was and is no doubt that they truly love eachother, after what Olivia did to Tyger, while she was Scythe Rand, he will never be truly able to trust her again, and as such would never be able to be in a long term relationship with her.

Despite this, they remained friends and were and are always a team when it comes to Alex and his upbringing, which is the best he could’ve possibly asked for, though now as he is getting older he’s finding his mother to be too protective and a little suffocating, he knows she means well and he loves her with all his heart, but he’s almost an adult now, he feels like he needs some space.

Olivia knows this, she can see much of herself at that age, in Alex (Though thankfully he doesn’t so far seem to have her temper and angry disposition.) and on this warm Spring day, she decides it’s time to give Alex the truth of his early life and how he came to be.

Standing in the doorway to his bedroom, watching him absorbed in a drawing he’s been working on for the last few days, Olivia almost wants to forget about this conversation and let Alex continue to live in blissful ignorance, let him innocently believe that he was conceived like any other child, that he was wanted because a child is a gift to many people, not because the man who was technically his father, wanted to use him as a weapon.

But she knows she can’t, Alex deserves to know the truth about everything and he’s old enough now to understand and comprehend it all. Olivia just hopes he doesn’t hate her.

Pushing aside her fears as she has learned to do over the last 17 years, Olivia knocks lightly on Alex’s door.

Alex looks up from his drawing, his dark brown hair falling into his eyes, his face lighting up with a smile when he sees his mother.

“Hi mom!” Alex says in a bright tone, setting his pencil down and pushing his hair back. Olivia’s heart aches with how much she loves him, and she wishes she could turn back time just for an hour or two, to when Alex was a baby and it was just the two of them against the world, for the first month of his life.

“Hi, what are you working on?” Olivia asks, nodding at his sketchpad. Alex’s eyes light up as they always do when someone asks him about his art.

“A piece of the portfolio I gotta submit to colleges, I’m almost done my whole portfolio!” Alex proudly tells her, holding his head high. He’s had a big interest in art since he was old enough to hold a pencil, he recently made the choice to go to an art school and get his degree in art and art history, then maybe he could be a teacher himself, or he could be hired by someone famous like a Scythe, to do a portrait for them.

“It looks really good.” Olivia tells him with a smile. “Listen, Alex, now that you’re 17 I need to talk to you about some things, about your early life and why... why we’re so secluded and why I came here from MideMerica, to raise you.”

“Oh... um... okay.” Alex shrugs, having always wondered about his mom’s life before him, and he’s been curious as to why she has hardly any friends and dreads parent-teacher meetings as his school, it’ll be good to get some answers.

With a sigh, Olivia sits on the edge of Alex’s bed, while he stays where he is in the chair at his desk.

“Okay, so this is a pretty long story and you’ll find out I did some pretty awful things before I had you, just bare with me until the end then you can ask any questions you want, and no matter what you feel about me or your dad, or anything about this situation, it’s okay, alright?” Olivia asks, looking her son dead in the eye, having always made sure he knows he has a right to feel his emotions and express them, and he should never push them down like she did at his age.

“Okay.”

“To start off with, I’m going to tell you something pretty shocking, something that only your dad knows and no one else in our lives knows.

I haven’t always gone by Olivia Kwon, from the time I was 17 until I was 25, I was known as Honorable Scythe Ayn Rand.

I apprenticed with Honorable Scythe Robert Goddard, when I was your age and was his Junior Scythe for 8 years, his right-hand woman.

I know you know about him, you learned about him at school, about me too though you didn’t know at the time that I use to be Scythe Rand. So you know we were both pretty awful people, and I hate to say it now, but for those 8 years I had a major crush on Goddard, I thought I was totally and utterly in love with him.

You know how he was killed the first time... and how he was revived, but one thing about that that you don’t know is... that the ‘donor’ body I selected... was actually your dad, because he was close to Rowan Damisch, the boy who killed Goddard the first time, and almost killed me. I... I chose him so I could and would hurt Rowan, and get back at him.

Thing is though, I fell in love with your dad during the time I was training him, I really loved him, not in the way I thought I loved Goddard.

As you know about 18 years ago, Goddard was elected High Blade of Midmerica, the first new High Blade after the 9th Commandment was lifted for Scythes and we were allowed to get married and have kids. He was also the first High Blade who would pass the title down to his child, when the time came.

So shortly after he was elected he started looking for surrogates so he could have a child, an heir. When I found out about this and he told me he was struggling to find the right candidate I... I offered to be his surrogate. He laughed it off at first but I conceived him, told him that I was the ideal candidate, we shared the same values and beliefs and we could make a strong child together. So... we did.

With lots of help from doctors to make our chances as high as possible, we did one round of artificial insemination, and 2 weeks later I found out I was pregnant... with you.

At first I was indifferent to the pregnancy, Goddard was thrilled of course, he was going to have his heir.

I didn’t start feeling anything about the pregnancy until I was four months, and saw you clearly for the first time at an ultrasound, I could see your hands and feet and see you moving around inside me, and I got to hear your heartbeat. That’s when I started forming a bond with you and becoming attached to you. I tried so hard not to, tried to remind myself I wasn’t your mom just doing Goddard a favor.

But then... then I felt you kick for the first time and you responded to my voice, and I just felt this huge rush of love for you that was so beyond intense, I couldn’t believe it, but again I tried to push those feelings away, not because I didn’t love you but because I did love you and I knew it would hurt like hell to hand you over to Goddard, if I bonded with you.

I couldn’t stop myself though, how could I when we were together 24/7, I felt your every move and shift of position, you heard everything I heard, ate everything I ate, went everywhere I went, it was impossible not to bond with you.

Throughout my pregnancy Goddard was always raging on about what a prodigy you would be and how you would be the best Scythe in the world, and would carry on and uphold his legacy.

It was when I was 8 months pregnant that I had enough. Goddard took me to a mass gleaning at a Tonist Cloister, as a way of saying thank you, for carrying his child for the past 8 months. Looking back now I of course know how obscene and evil that sounds, but back then I thought nothing of it.

During that mass gleaning Goddard started spouting his usual crap about how his reign would never end, and that you would carry on his beliefs and values, uphold the New Order and would show no mercy to The Tonists either.

And then... then I just snapped and before I could even fully comprehend it, I had my knife in his heart and he was dead again.

I told the Tonists to tell everyone that unsavories had killed Goddard and burned his body, and I threatened to glean them if they didn’t.

After that I got straight into a public car intent on getting as far away from MidMerica as I could, I was thinking of leaving the Mericas altogether, but then I had this awful pain in my stomach and then my waters broke. The stress of the day put me into labor.

The rest you know, I had you in MidMerica, and the moment I held you and saw you I knew I couldn’t be Scythe Rand anymore, that I had to get you away from The Scythedom and those who would expect you to be just like Goddard.

So I changed my name back to my birth name, cut my hair, put on street clothes and with just you, and my robes and ring in a bag, I left for Texas where I would be off-grid, and I had your dad revived.

Like I said, the rest you know.”

Unsurprisingly there is a tense silence in the room for a few minutes, before Alex finally speaks up.

“I... I’m glad you’re not Scythe Rand anymore.” He quietly says, surprising his mother who expected him to rage and yell and tell her he hates her, etc.

“Me too kid, me too.” She says, reaching out to squeeze his hand lovingly.

“so... you really did a total 180... because of me?” Alex asks in an unsure tone, hardly able to believe that he had such a great impact on someone. Olivia nods.

“I did, I wanted to give you your best chance at life and I knew to do that, I would either have to change my ways or place you for adoption, and there was no way I was letting you go, so I chose the other option and changed, I destroyed my ring when you were a month old and the last person I ever gleaned was Goddard.” Olivia explains.

“So... does this mean Goddard is my biological dad?” Alex questions, tilting his head to the side. Olivia shakes her head.

“No, it was your dad’s body, with Goddard’s head. Your dad’s name is on your Birth Certificate and he is your biological father, but if Goddard were alive today he would probably have legal rights to you.” Olivia sighs, grateful that she doesn’t have to worry about Goddard showing up and taking Alex from her.

“Mom, can.... can we go to Midmerica for a while? So I can see where you’re from and where I was born and suppose to grow up, please?” Alex hopefully asks, looking at his mother with big and imploring brown eyes.

Olivia is hesitant, she doesn’t want to be recognized by anyone in Midmerica, it’s why she never want back after Alex was born. However after a minute of thinking, she decides she can’t deny Alex this very simple request.

“Yeah, yeah of course we can.”

So a few days later the two of them board a train and head for MideMerica, completely unaware of the destiny they are about to face.

______________________________________________________________

Meanwhile in Midmerica, 16 year old Sophie Faraday-Curie accompanies her mother to the local museum in Fulcrum City, so Sophie can gather some information for a history project for school, and so her mother can gather some information she needs for a meeting with the other High Blades of the other regions of the Mericas.

Sophie usually hates going out in public, because of all the attention she gets. As the first child born to two Scythes Sophie is pretty famous and despite her parents best effort to keep her out of the spotlight and give her an ordinary childhood and life, she is still recognized practically everywhere she goes, which results in a lot of staring and whispering from the people around her.

However when Sophie is with her mom or dad, people tend to stare less, they know how protective High Blade Curie and Honorable Scythe Faraday are of their daughter, and have no doubt either of them would not hesitate to glean anyone who upset or bothered their daughter, so it’s easier for Sophie to be out and about when she has one of her parents with her.

What bugs her the most is that technically she’s not actually the first child born to two Scythes, Honorable Scythe Rand had been due to give birth to Honorable Scythe Goddard’s child two months before Sophie was born, but after Goddard was killed by unsavories, a heavily pregnant Rand disappeared and no one has seen her or the baby she was carrying, in 17 years.

But non of that is really at the fore-front of Sophie’s mind right now, she is totally taken in by her surroundings the minute she and her mother step into the museum, there’s so much to learn and see and though Sophie has visited here often, there is always something new.

As she looks around her while walking toward the section she needs to go to, Sophie is not paying attention to where she is going and soon feels herself collide with something, or rather someone. They both immediately crash to the ground, Sophie cursing herself for being so clumsy and not looking where she’s going, while the other person yells in surprise.

“Oh I’m so sorry! I’m such an idiot, not looking where I was going!” Sophie apologizes, pushing herself off the floor and holding her hand out to help the person she collided with, a young boy around her age with messy dark brown hair, light brown skin and wide and inquisitive brown eyes.

“No it’s okay I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going either.” The boy says, grabbing Sophie’s hand letting her haul him to his feet.

Before either of them can say anything else, Marie comes up behind Sophie holding a leaflet and smiling softly.

“Soph I just found some physical copies of the statement your dad and I put out to the world when you were born, it’s not very long but it’s got some photos of you as a baby that I thought you’d like to see.” Marie says in a soft, reminiscent tone, brushing her daughter’s hair out of her eyes, remembering writing this article with Michael like it was yesterday. It had taken them almost a week to write just two paragraphs because Sophie was so fussy and wouldn’t let them put her down for more than five minutes at a time.

Before Sophie can reply, a tall willowy woman with dark hair and pan-Asian leanings comes up behind the boy Sophie just collided with. She puts a hand on the boy’s shoulder and smiles at him, and is clearly about to say something to him, but before she can, Marie speaks up.

“Rand? Scythe Ayn Rand?” Marie gasps in disbelief, staring at the woman in front of her. She looks different from the last time Marie saw her, her long dark hair is now cut short to just above her shoulders, the black is streaked through with some gray and she clearly looks older, but she is still instantly recognizable.

Olivia/Rand immediately pales and is about to put up a fight and tell Marie that she’s mistaken, but then she realizes she made a silent promise to both herself and Alex that there would be no more lying and no more keeping secrets.

“Wait, are you High Blade Curie? High Blade of here, of Midmerica?” the boy asks in a tone of excitement. Marie smiles at his excitement.

“Yes dear, I am." she softly says. She then turns her gaze to Rand/Olivia, her smile faltering. “I think we better have a conversation, Miss Rand. Sophie you stay here, don’t go anywhere.”

“You too Alex, don’t wander off you don’t know the place and might get lost.” Olivia warns her son, before reluctantly following Marie to a quiet section of the museum.

The two teenagers look at eachother in confusion, not quiet sure what to say or what just happened.

“So... what’s going on?” Sophie asks a few seconds later. Alex shrugs.

“Beats me. Was that your mom, the High Blade?” Alex asks curiously. Sophie nods.

“Yeah, was the other lady your mom?” Sophie asks.

“Yep, though her name’s not actually Ayn Rand, it’s Olivia Kwon.” Alex tells her.

“My mom’s not actually called Marie Curie either, well she has been for the last 200 odd years, but her birth name’s Susan, Susan Goldie. I’m Sophie by the way, Sophie Faraday-Curie.” Sophie explains, sticking her hand out for Alex to shake. He grins and grabs her hand.

“I’m Alexander, Alexander Kwon, but you can call me Alex.” They shake hands.

“Nice to meet you Alex.” Sophie grins.

“Likewise. Hey, so your dad’s super famous too right? What’s his name again, Fara something?” Alex asks, racking his brain for the name of the High Blade’s husband.

“Faraday, Scythe Michael Faraday. Yeah he’s pretty famous too, my whole family is. My Aunt- well she’s not technically my aunt, it’s honorary but you know what I mean- she’s Scythe Anastasia, and my other honorary aunt, my Aunt Munira, she used to work with my dad when he was trying to find the founding Scythe’s fail safe plan, when Goddard became High Blade.” Sophie hurriedly tells Alex, always eager to talk about her odd yet interesting family.

“And you’re pretty famous yourself, must be cool.” Alex grins. Sophie shrugs, shoving her hands in her pockets.

“It’s okay I guess, it gets annoying when I go out in public and everyone recognizes me and stares at me in the streets and stuff, I don’t even know how they recognize me when I’m not with my parents, those baby pictures mom and dad put out when I was born, they’re the only pictures of me that have ever been published, and I never went to public appearances with mom or anything, and during Conclave, when I was younger I would stay with my Aunt Munira all day.” Sophie’s tone turns from sullen and irritated to bright and joyful in just a matter of seconds, despite the annoying fame and always being recognized, Sophie has had a perfectly happy childhood.

Alex nods understandingly.

“Hey I know our moms told us not to go anywhere but do you want to go grab a coffee or something in the café in the lobby and then come back here?” Alex asks, finding himself wanting to talk to Sophie more, be around her more. Sophie’s face lights up.

“Sure! Hey, wanna bet? I bet you I’ll get recognized at least 3 times on the way to and from the café, and in the café. If I do, you pay for the coffees, if I don’t, I pay.” Sophie suggests, giving Alex a sly smile and looking around to make sure her mom isn’t in hearing distance.

Alex laughs, liking Sophie more and more by the minute.

“You’re on!”

While Sophie and Alex are talking and sneaking off to the café, Olivia is facing her worst nightmare, standing here in front of High Blade Curie having been recognized right away, with Alex off on his own with some random girl. Olivia is glad that Alex just came out to her as gay, otherwise she would worry that Curie’s daughter would break his heart.

“I think you’ve got some explaining to do.” Marie tells Olivia, her tone firm and not much different to the one she uses with Sophie when she knows she’s been up to something she shouldn’t have been.

“I knew I should never have left Texas.” Olivia sighs. “Look Marie, it’s a long story. The short of it is that when I was pregnant with Alex I started bonding with him and loving him, I didn’t expect to but I did_” Before she can finish, Marie cuts her off.

“Of course you loved and bonded with him, he is your child, a child you were going to just hand over to Goddard and let him turn him into a monster!” She berates, which grates on Olivia’s nerves. It takes everything she has not to snap at Marie, she knows nothing about her situation or why she agreed to be Goddard’s surrogate in the first place.

“Oh don’t act all high and mighty like you’ve never made mistakes! I thought I was in love with Goddard, I just wanted him to love me back and I thought by having his kid I could do that, I never gave much thought to how he would raise Alex, not at first anyway.

Throughout my pregnancy though I did start to realize what a stupid and selfish decision I had made, by the time I was 8 months along I knew I couldn’t just hand Alex over to Goddard, so you know what I did, Marie? I gleaned the bastard and I told the Tonists to spread that lie about him being killed by unsavories.

I gleaned him and used his body to revive Tyger, the man I gleaned a year prior to bring Goddard back. But before I did that I gave birth to my son, alone and frightened, you had your husband with you when you gave birth, I had no one and for the first month of his life it was just me and Alex, and the minute I held him after he was born I knew I had to change, had to get away and give him the best upbringing I could, so I cut my hair, stopped wearing my robes, took nothing but one old pair or robes so nobody could trace me using them, my ring, my son and I left for Texas.

And it was the best thing I have ever done, I turned my whole life around for Alex and I gave him a fucking amazing upbringing, he’s an absolutely amazing kid and I am so proud of him and so goddamn honored to his mom.

So there, Marie, there’s your explanation.”

Despite Olivia’s angry rant, Marie remains totally calm and levelheaded, as always.

“That is all well and good Ayn, but a Scythe cannot just up and abandon their position.” She calmly says.

“Well what was I suppose to do Marie, huh? I was 8 months pregnant with the future High Blade of Midmerica, I had just killed the current High Blade of Midmerica and I was totally alone in the world.” Olivia’s tone is turning tight and she is doing her best to hold back tears.

“You could have come to me and explained your situation, I would have helped you.” Marie softly says.

“No because I didn’t want Alex involved in the Scythedom as he grew up, I wanted him to have a peaceful and normal childhood, I didn’t want any of Goddard’s followers to try and influence him or tell him about the bastard who was at the time, his father.

You have to understand, you’re a mother too, don’t act like if you were in my situation, you wouldn’t have done the same for you daughter.” At the mention of Sophie, Marie’s face and demeanor soften.

“You’re right, I would do anything for my Sophie, if I had to go off grid to give her the best life and to protect her, I would.

I won’t tell anyone you were here or that you’re living in Texas, and I won’t tell anyone about your son either, I promise.” Marie tells her, unable to stay angry at her because she knows how she feels, she would do anything to give Sophie her best shot at life, luckily, though Marie’s pregnancy was a surprise it was a very welcome one, and she Michael were in a good position to have a baby and raise Sophie, but not everyone is so fortunate.

_______________________________________________________________

Over the next couple of weeks Sophie and Alex remain in touch via social media and often hang out together, soon growing very close and become the very best of friends.

One day, a month after meeting for the first time, Alex insists on taking Sophie for lunch to celebrate her birthday, and Sophie is thrilled to spend the day with him. After lunch they just ramble around town, and end up sitting on the steps to the library, enjoying the good weather and each other’s company.

“So what do you wanna do after school? What job do you want to do?” Alex asks Sophie, leaning back on his elbows and tilting his head backward to look up at his friend who is sitting on the step just behind him, where there’s more shade, since she is not a fan of the heat. Sophie sighs.

“The whole world expects me to be a Scythe, I am the heir to the MidMeircan Scythedom. I’ll be expected to drop out of school soon and start my apprenticeship, neither of my parents are by law allowed to be my mentor, but my Aunt Anastasia said she’ll take me on, she was mentored by both my parents at one point, so there’ll be elements of mom and dad’s training in there.

But... the thing is Al, I don’t think I want to be a Scythe, I’ve learned a lot about the Sycthedom and how it works and I know the best Scythes are the ones who never wanted the position in the first place, but I know I’m never going to morally be able to be a Scythe.

He doesn’t know it but sometimes I see my dad come back from a gleaning and he just... he breaks down crying, and my mom sits there with him and holds his hand and assures him he’s a good person and she loves him, and I don’t look down on dad for that, not one bit, but the thing is he’s always able to remind himself that he is doing a necessary task and doing it in the kindest way possible. But I don’t think I could ever do that, I’m not like my mom or dad in that way, I... I’m too empathetic and I could never know a moment’s peace as a Scythe.” By the end of her explanation Sophie has tears in her eyes and her throat is closing up, this always happens when she thinks about her future.

“Oh Soph, it’s okay.” Alex soothingly says, pushing himself up one step so he’s beside Sophie and pulling her in for a hug. “Can’t you tell your mom and dad all this? They seem like really nice people, I’m sure they’ll understand.” Sophie sniffs and lays her head on Alex’s shoulder.

“I could, and they would understand, I know they won’t be angry or anything, they’ve never raised their voices at me in all my life, they’re awesome parents. But... I’m scared they’ll be disappointed and I’m scared of how the public and the rest of the Scythedom will react, I’m suppose to be the first person to ever inherit the title of High Blade, if I step down from that people are probably going to be really really pissed off with me, no one can glean me obviously, I automatically have immunity as the kid of two Scythes, but still... I don’t want to be called to Endura and have to face the Grandslayers or something.” She tells him in a wobbly tone.

“Hey if anyone tries to mess with you they’ll have me to deal with, you’re my best friend Soph, I got your back no matter what happens.” Alex firmly tells her, pulling back from the hug so he can look her in the eye. Sophie smiles through her tears and squeezes Alex’s hand.

“Thanks Al, I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“So.” Sophie begins, wiping her tears away. “What do you want to do after you leave school?”

“Well up until now I always thought I’d be an artist, I’ve always planned on going to art school and I still do, but I... I kind of want to learn more about The Scythedom and my past, in detail, not just what mom can tell me.

But... I’m scared that my interest in the Scythedom means I’m fucking evil like Goddard, he loved gleaning, he was a serial killer not a Scythe. I know there’s no biological connection between him and me, but.... I mean he was around mom practically all the time when she was pregnant. She said that he would talk to me when she was pregnant, but instead of telling me stories like normal dads would, he would talk about what a great Scythe and ruler I’d be someday and how I would make him so proud and uphold his legacy and other crazy shit.

What if... what if that impacted little fetus me, and affected my subconscious and now I am going to be the crazy evil dictator he wanted me to be?” Now Alex has tears in his eyes too.

“Oh Lex, no there’s no way you’re like Goddard. You’re the sweetest, kindest and most wonderful person I’ve ever met, you used your savings to buy me a really nice birthday present when you’ve only known me a month, you took me out for lunch for my birthday, and you always listen when I need to talk. And I know you value life and care about others, unlike Goddard. Alex you literally won’t even harm a fly, the other day you cried because we saw a little kid get upset because they fell and scrapped their knee.

You could never be like Goddard, Alex, never.” By this stage Sophie has taken Alex’s face in her hands to make him laugh, but also to make him listen to her and not get distracted. She wants him to know all this, and realize what an absolutely amazing person he is.

Alex laughs through his tears and playfully slaps Sophie’s hands away.

“Get off me you goof.” He laughs, wiping at his tears. Sophie grins and lightly shoves his shoulder.

“You love me really.”

“Yeah, yeah I do.”

________________________________________________________________

The next day, after thinking about her conversation with Alex, all night, Sophie comes to a decision and asks her parents to talk, so she can tell them about it.

“You’re going to hate me for asking this but I need peace of mind before we get into this conversation so I have to ask, are you going to tell us you’re pregnant?” Michael asks Sophie, after they sit down, knowing this will embarrass her but needing to know.

Sophie wrinkles her nose up.

“No dad! I’m asexual, remember?” Sophie says in an exasperated and embarrassed tone. She had come out to her parents just last week and they were extremely supportive, and acted like it was no big deal at all, for which Sophie is very grateful.

Michael holds his hands up in mock surrender.

“Just checking, I’m too young to be a grandpa!” Sophie gives him a ‘Are you kidding me?’ look.

“Dad you’re like 300.” She laughs.

“230 something actually, do I look old enough to be 300?” He asks, raising his eyebrows and making Sophie roll her eyes, no one else would believe that the legendary Honorable Scythe Faraday is such a dad and makes stupid jokes and comments to mess with his daughter.

“Yeah I can see why Aunt Munira told me not to listen to your jokes.” Sophie replies. “Anyway, can I tell you what I wanted to now?”

“Of course dear, go ahead.” Marie encourages her. Sophie takes a deep breath.

“Okay, so... you know how we were talking about me training to be a Scythe, the other day, with Aunt Anastasia, and how I got all those offers from other Scythes, offering to train me?” Sophie begins. Both her parents nod. “Well I’ve been thinking about it ever since, and I talked about it with Alex and.... I don’t want to be a Scythe, I know the best Scythes are always the ones who never wanted to do it in the first place, but I won’t be able to live with myself if I become a Scythe, I won’t be able to deal with it like you guys and Aunt Anastasia.

I would never be able to sleep at night if I gleaned someone, couldn’t look at myself in the mirror. My life would a misery if I did.

So... that’s it, I don’t want to be a Scythe and I don’t want to be High Blade.”

Before Sophie can even take a breath after finishing her explanation, her mother is by her side and pulling her into a tight embrace, kissing her forehead while her dad puts his arm around her shoulders and kisses the top of her head.

“We love you and support you no matter what.” Marie firmly says, cupping Sophie’s face in her hands.

“You never have to do anything you don’t want to Soph, never.” Michael tells her in a loving but firm tone, squeezing her arm reassuringly. Sophie can’t stop the tears from welling up and running down her cheeks.

“Oh my love what’s wrong? Why are you crying?” Marie softly asks in a concerned tone, wiping at her daughter’s tears.

“Because I’m scared.” Sophie says in a tight voice, feeling as though she’s 10 years old again and just woke up from a bad dream.

“Of what, did something happen, did someone hurt you?” Michael asks, his tone also full of concern and worry for his baby girl.

“No, I’m scared the Scythedom and the public are gonna hate me for not becoming a Scythe and inheriting the title of High Blade like I’m suppose to. All my life I’ve known that the public and The Scythedom have this huge expectation of me to become High Blade, to become an amazing Scythe like you guys, but I can’t do that and now I’m scared everyone’s going to hate me, or that the Grandslayers are going to call me to Endura and punish me somehow.” Sophie sobs, the tears falling rapidly now.

“Oh my baby.” Marie swears she can feel her own heart breaking, as she pulls her daughter in for another hug.

“Sophie we will never, ever let anything happen to you. Nowhere in the rules does it say that you have to become a Scythe and take over from your mom when she steps down as High Blade, that rule means that if you choose to become a Scythe, you will automatically inherit your mother’s position, but if you choose not to become a Scythe then another election will be held and someone else will be elected.

The Grandslayers cannot and will not punish you, and if anyone tries to hurt you or say anything nasty to you because of this decision, then they’ll have your mother and I to deal with. We are not going to let anyone hurt you or force you to do something you don’t want to.

This is entirely your choice and we support you all the way, we love you so much Sophie, and we will do absolutely anything to protect you.”

Her father’s kind and reassuring words just make Sophie sob even harder and bury her face in his shoulder, when he puts his arm around her in an embrace.

“I love you so much.” Sophie quietly says. Michael kisses the top of her head and rubs her back soothingly.

“I love you too Sophie, more than anything in this world. You and your mother are the very best things to ever happen to me.”

“Here.” Marie softly says, holding a tissue out to Sophie, as she lifts her face from her dad’s shoulder and leans her head against his chest. “Have a good cry if you want to sweetheart, don’t bottle it up.” Sophie nods and wipes at her eyes.

“Thanks mom, I love you.” She sniffles. Marie smiles and kisses her cheek.

“I love you too my sweet girl.”

After about another half hour, Sophie calms down but has totally drained herself from crying so much, so decides to go rest in her room for a while. Once upstairs she texts Alex almost immediately and tells him what just happened and how her parents are going to help her make an official statement to the Grandslayers that she will not be training as a Scythe and will not be accepting her inheritance of position of High Blade of Midmerica.

“Glad your parents were supportive, I knew they would be, you’re gonna be awesome at whatever job you pick, I know it.

I told mom my news too, about wanting to stay here in Midmerica for longer, and learn more about the inner workings of the Scythedom and the life I could’ve ended up with, had mom not gleaned Goddard and gone off grid with me. She was conflicted at first, she doesn’t trust the Scythedom and is afraid Goddard’s supporters will try to influence me but I reminded her that I’m old enough to not be so easily swayed, and I’ve got lots of good examples of Scythes too. So she agreed. I dunno exactly how I’m gonna learn more about the inner workings of the Scythedom, but I’ll figure something out.”

After reading Alex’s text, Sophie is struct with an idea, one that she frankly finds ingenious.

“I have an idea, a really good one. Come round to my house tomorrow at around 11.” Sophie replies. Then remembering she hasn’t told Alex her plan, she excitedly sends him a voice note, detailing her idea, and spends the next five minutes staring at her phone waiting for Alex to text back.

“Sounds like a plan, see you tomorrow.”

The next day it has just gone 11 A.M. and Michael and Marie are just back from grocery shopping, when Sophie appears in the kitchen doorway, grinning proudly to herself and looking like she’s up to something.

“What did you do?” Michael asks in a suspicious tone, looking around for any sign of something amiss.

“Nothing, can’t I just come say hi to my parents?” Sophie asks, still grinning ear to ear.

“You can but you’re usually not this enthusiastic at this time of the day, if you didn’t do anything, you want a big favor don’t you?” Michael asks, knowing his daughter perfectly.

“Maaayybbee.” Sophie admits.

“If the favor is letting you skip school tomorrow the answer is no.” Marie tells her. Sophie rolls her eyes.

“I asked once, once! Let it go mom!” She protests.

“What is it then?” Michael asks, still suspicious of what Sophie is up to. Her smile brightens and she turns around and reaches out into the living room, before two seconds later pulling Alexander Kwon into the kitchen with her. Marie and Michael aren’t surprised to see him in their house, he’s Sophie’s best friend and comes around all the time, but what they don’t understand is what he’s got to do with Sophie wanting a favor.

“Okay now I’m confused, what has Alex got to do with this?” Marie asks, wondering just what the hell her daughter is up to.

“I have a proposal.” Sophie tells them, earning odd looks from both her parents.

“Okay.... which is?” Michael asks.

“Alex really wants to learn more about the inner workings of the Scythedom, he’s interested in how it all works and what it would have been like for him if things didn’t turn out the way they did. .

So I was thinking that maybe you guys could teach Alex everything there is to know about The Scythedom, like you taught me? It could be like an apprenticeship except he won’t go to Conclave and there’s no chance of him being ordained at the end of it all, oh and obviously no physical training or tests or anything.

So what do you say?” Sophie explains, now having wrapped her arms around Alex’s waist, leaning against his chest, hugging him tightly.

Marie and Michael share a look. They can clearly see how much Sophie adores Alex, and they can’t deny she’s been so much happier since she met him and they became best friends, it’s so good for her to have someone who wants to be her friend and likes her just for her, and not her fame and status.

It’s clear Alex is like the brother Sophie always wanted and asked for but never had. Marie and Michael do feel a bit guilty about not giving her a sibling, they would have loved to have another baby and even discussed it when Sophie was 1, but decided that ultimately they were far too busy and their family felt absolutely perfect with just the 3 of them.

Marie is the first to speak.

“You really know how to argue your case Sophie, there’s no way I can say no.” Sophie and Alex’s faces both light up.

“Thank you so much, Your Excellency, I promise I’ll be the best student you could ask for!” Alex exclaims.

“Marie’s right, you’re a hell of a speaker Sophie, just like your mom. If it’s alright with your mother, Alex, then we’d be happy to teach you.” Michael calmly says. Sophie and Alex share an excited look and share a quick high-five.

“Thank you, your Honor, thank you so much I swear you won’t regret this!” Alex promises.

“Come on, lets go make sure it’s okay with your mom.” Sophie says. tugging at Alex’s hand. He nods, but turns to Marie and Michael before he goes.

“Thank you again, so very much, it’s going to be an honor to learn from you both.” He says, then tentatively holds his hand out for one of them to shake.

“Oh don’t be so formal Alex.” Marie says, lightly swatting his hand away and pulling him in for a hug instead. “Call me Marie.” She insists. Alex smiles and nods, a little shocked at what just happened.

He then turns to Michael, and goes to hold his hand out for him to shake, thinking he may be a little more formal. Michael just laughs and shakes his head before also pulling Alex into an embrace.

“Welcome to the family, son.”

Special thanks to @i-love-side-characters for allowing me to use their idea of Sophie and Alex becoming best friends! I had so much fun writing about their friendship!

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