#she does genuinely care about him. even though neither of them will admit it to each other

[echidnana]

ada and leon's dynamic is so good. the way after their first interaction in 4 they both just relax after the initial scuffle. leon hasn't seen her in 6 years, last he did she betrayed him, and he still just. relaxes in her presence. the trust is still there.

[intimidating-fettuccine]

Can I request tea about things that have happened in the mansion?

Click here for part 5 which has links to the other parts

Toby is emotionally attached to one specific spoon. It's the perfect weight, size, and length in his opinion, and he will always insist on using that spoon, sometimes even going so far as to wash it by hand just to use it if it's dirty. Everyone knows this, however, one day Tim was up pretty late and wanted some ice cream, and he used the spoon to scoop some out, bending the spoon. He didn't realize it was Toby's spoon until it was too late, and he tried to bend it back exactly as it was, however, Toby knew. Toby knew something was wrong with the spoon and actually ended up bending it a specific way himself to make it feel right again. Tim is too scared to tell Toby it was him because he was genuinely distraught when his spoon was different.

Smile, the lovely dog, is on a specific diet. Jeff takes good care of him and tries to keep him on a diet made specifically for hellhounds so that he's getting all the proper nutrients he needs. Smile, however, wants people's food, even though he knows he shouldn't have it. Some of the residents are weak. Natalie began sneaking Smile people food whenever they were alone together, and now that Smile has finally eaten it, he will not stop begging for food, much to Jeff's chagrin. Natalie will not admit to it, but she also struggled to stop feeding him since it made Smile so happy. Now Jeff has to deal with his large, talking hellhound yelling for people's food at dinner, and Natalie has to avoid Smile like the plague lest she deal with the same.

BEN is a big fan of Legos. He has completed a bunch of sets and treasures them all, including his precious Millennium Falcon, one of the largest sets he's completed, that took him so long to complete. He always asks people not to touch them, but as you can guess, that didn't happen. Toby has also developed a fascination with Legos, and one day when BEN was out, he decided to look at all of the ones BEN had built. He had picked up the Falcon and was moving it through the air as though it was flying, before tripping and dropping it, slamming it into the ground and breaking it apart. Of course, he felt so bad he told BEN immediately when he got home, sobbing and apologizing, and despite how upset he was BEN forgave him, but he did make Toby rebuild the whole thing himself so that he could understand why BEN was so protective over them and wanted them to be safe.

Slender rarely loses his cool over things, but there was one time the creeps will probably never forget. Slender is a collector of finer things, and one of those things is a very expensive set of plates passed down to him from his mother, which are very beautiful, and also very fragile. Slender does not like when things like this are messed with, so they try their best to avoid them, but accidents of course always happen. The boys were roughhousing one day, and Jeff accidentally slammed into Liu's side a little too hard, causing both of them to slip and slam into the case the plates are kept in, causing several of them to fall into the case and break. Upon discovering this Slender was incredibly angry, all but screaming at them as he lectured them on safety and respect in the mansion, although he did later apologize for how harsh he was. Jeff and Liu especially haven't roughhoused downstairs since, and neither has anyone else unless they're in a wide space away from anything special. Slender was able to get a couple of the plates pretty perfectly restored, but a few were lost, and he's still very bummed about it.

[casscainmainly]

Bruce Wayne & Cassandra Cain in Batgirl (2000)

My last post covered the top 10 moments overall, but I had to skip a lot of my favourite moments involving specifically Batman and Batgirl. So here's a non-comprehensive, chronological list of great Bruce & Cass moments!!

Who Does She Remind You Of?

One of the most interesting things about their relationship is that initially, Cass doesn't have a name and doesn't know Bruce's name; they are purely Batgirl and Batman. This lack of alter ego allows Bruce to identify very heavily with Cass, and sets up the foundation for why Bruce acts the way he does later. He views Cass as a mirror of himself, which has both positive and negative repercussions.

You Can't Understand A Word I'm Saying

EXTREMELY underrated Bruce and Cass moment from Issue #2. Though I believe they fundamentally understand each other, there's still a disconnect between them (a disconnect Cass shares with everyone). But this disconnect goes both ways - Bruce is the one having trouble communicating here, saying 'I don't know how to say this' and pausing frequently (this speech pattern is very reminiscent of Cass' inner monologue towards the end of this run!). A great example of how neither of them are fully able to express the depth of their feelings towards each other.

Denial

A pivotal moment in Bruce's conception of Cass. When confronted with evidence that she killed a man, Bruce goes into complete denial. She's 'gentle', fully understanding his rejection of murder; how can she be a murderer? It's indicative of just how much he's projecting onto Cass, but also how much he genuinely cares about her. The second panel is underrated too - like David Cain, Bruce sees Cass as 'perfect', a word that will haunt Cass for arcs to come. This is where we start to see how Bruce's belief in Cass' perfection and morals negatively impacts her self-conception (as a perfect tool/weapon).

Good Answer

An incredible moment that's classic for a reason. Perfectly encapsulates both Cass' instinctive desire to protect, and Bruce's recognition of how similar Cass is to him. Also how his belief in her, however unintentionally, feeds into her death wish.

Jason Todd

Another underrated moment!!! This is the first major instance of conflict between death-wish Cass and no-more-dead-kids Bruce, and it's delicious. Bruce willingly opens up to her about Jason's death, and moreover, by comparing Cass to Jason, positions her as his child as well. It's sweet and sad and explains some of Bruce's more overprotective moments.

Denial 2

Not really denial but thematically it fits. When Bruce is framed for murder, the Batfam try to figure out what really happened. Cass sees that Dick has doubts, and helps him re-enact the murder so that he can believe in Bruce again. Not only is it a super sweet Dick-Cass moment, but it also shows how Cass believes in Bruce just as much as Bruce believes in Cass.

Good

A short and sweet moment that showcases how similar these two are. Bruce isn't exactly being a good dad here, but Cass genuinely DIDN'T enjoy that vacation. They just get each other. This is one of many, many times that Cass answers one of Bruce's questions perfectly (and makes Bruce smile).

Overprotective Dad Mode

In the second part of Batgirl (2000), Cass begins to explore her sexuality. This leads to issues of varying quality, BUT we do get tons of overprotective Bruce. A nice showcase of Bruce doing typical dad stuff, and Superman looking SO done. Also Cass in that first panel is hilarious.

Realisation

After lots of (rightful) heckling from Babs, Bruce finally realises that the way he's been using and treating Cass isn't right. Though this speech is couched in a lot of dismissive language ('disobedient', 'she was loyal'), I think that's just Bruce's inability to communicate. He cannot admit how much he cares for her. So he decides to fire her and tells her she jeopardises the MISSION (which, obviously, makes Cass feel terrible). Even when he's trying to put her first, his lack of communication skills only hurts her.

He Never Let Me Touch Him

The Bruce and Cass scene to END all Bruce and Cass scenes. Each panel is loaded with meaning. The first shows that despite Bruce's similarities to Cain, he still IS different; he is willing to be vulnerable around her, and allows her to do the same around him. The third panel is particularly interesting. Underneath all the ideological sniping between him and Babs, Bruce is jealous - he wants to be the centre of Cass' life and loyalty. Cass, however, doesn't fall into the trap. By pointing to the Bat, she both affirms her loyalty to his mission but also refuses any box he can put her in. She is his daughter, but she is not only his daughter, and never will be.

Honourable mention: the only reason I didn't put the Father's Day panel here was because I've already written about it. Also the scene where they mutually touch each other's faces and turn away of course!

[dopeasspancake]

Can't stop thinking about the concept of post-Scream (1996) and Billy and Stu's spirits being tied to Sidney for whatever reason. Maybe it's penance. Maybe it's unfinished business. Maybe they never figure it out. But they're just kind of stuck following her.

And maybe it takes her a while to notice. Maybe it takes Billy and Stu a while to become proficient enough at haunting for her to see/hear them and for them to be able to interact with objects or the living. At first they're not even sure they want Sid to know they're there.

But it eventually happens. And NONE of them are thrilled about the situation. For a long while. Maybe Stu finds it kind of funny, but Billy and Sid are PISSED. Billy & Stu aren't always around, though. They sometimes disappear for hours or even days at a time, but they always come back. They have no choice.

They follow Sidney to Windsor College, mock her choice in studies, and cannot stand her boyfriend Derek ("He's so corny it's painful, Sid.") And although Billy & Stu love finding out that they've inspired their own horror movie, they DON'T appreciate the new Ghostface(s) targeting Sidney. Sidney was THEIR final girl and she beat them fair and square. This New Guy should be more original, in their opinion.

When Sidney is distraught over Randy's untimely murder, Billy & Stu are actually a little bummed for her. And him. Stu was even rooting for them a bit. Thought Sid & Randy would have been cute together, but oh well.

And maybe Billy still hates Sidney, but he kind of respects her. He was once genuinely in love with her, before everything. Maybe Stu, who only ever got involved for funsies (and because he'd follow Billy to the ends of the earth) is even a little attached to her. So maybe they do their ghostly best to watch out for her (not that they'd actually tell her this, of course).

And when Billy eventually finds out one of the Ghostface killers was his mom, he spirals a bit (because why does she care NOW but not before he died? What right did she even have to be angry? SHE left HIM). And all Sidney can tell him is "Well, she's dead now."

After Sidney escapes death yet again following the Hollywood murders, she has to deal with several weeks of a falling out between her ghosts. Stu was there, he heard what Roman said about giving Billy pointers. About having a partner he could sell out if need be. And that had hurt more than any knife or smashed TV ever could.

(After a few weeks and with mediation from Sid, Billy finally confesses he never planned to sell Stu out. Only liked the idea of a partner, of not being alone, and Stu was the only person in the world Billy trusted with his life. And who Billy knew was unhinged enough to agree to murder for his friend. Getting this information out of Billy is like pulling teeth because not even death has cured his emotional constipation.)

And this just continues on through the franchise. And despite the fact that Sidney will never forgive Billy & Stu for what they did, she gets used to their presence. Even eventually begins to appreciate them, as fucked up as it is. They become a familiar constant in her life.

When they tease or mock her, Sid's not afraid to remind Stu that she dropped a TV on his face. Or that she put a bullet between Billy's eyes and would gladly do it again. But funny enough, she eventually says these things with very little malice. It's almost like a fun little inside joke. And to be fair, Stu can't think of a more ironic way for him to have died. He gets giggly about it sometimes.

They make fun of Sidney when she starts dating her eventual husband. They make fun of her even harder while she's pregnant because she's often tired, sore, and easily irritated. And while neither Billy nor Stu are big fans of kids, they have to admit Sid and Mark make some pretty cute ones.

Sidney is the one to break the news to Billy, "Congratulations, it's a girl" but 25 years late. She also has to break the news that his daughter is the latest target. And that Stu's nephew was already a victim. Both ghosts are left reeling over this information. Stu is weirdly disappointed to find out Billy cheated on Sid.

("Really, Billy? Didn't you plan an entire murder all because your dad cheated on your mom? And then you had the nerve...?!"

"Stu, while I appreciate you coming to my defense, I find it... fascinating that you're fine with murder but infidelity is where you draw the morality line."

"It's the hypocrisy, Sid! And you didn't deserve that."

"You literally both tried to murder me."

"... not the point, Sid."

If Billy wasn't so flabbergasted at the time, he might have felt more ashamed and embarrassed.)

When Sidney realizes what house Sam is at, Billy & Stu stay with her as she rushes headfirst into danger. All 3 of them are a little sick at setting foot back in that house. Billy & Stu are downright disgusted when they realize the killers are once again The Boyfriend and The Friend. ("Have some fucking originality, I am begging these kids.")

Billy later ends up genuinely thanking Sidney for helping save his daughter. They laugh over the irony of it all. Stu thinks about how Sam reminds him a lot of Sid, weirdly enough. But also of Billy, in some ways. He doesn't say these things out loud. But he does feel oddly protective of the young woman.

And I honestly have no idea how or when to end this concept, it could theoretically go on for decades... but I'm def obsessed with the idea obviously. So, if you actually read through all this (thank you and) feel free to expand upon the idea.

Maybe one day I'll get my shit together and write it out in detail myself. But probably not. BUT MAYBE.

UPDATE: after tons of positive feedback and although I am absolutely shitting myself with nerves, I have officially posted the first chapter of The Ghosts of Our Past for anyone interested.

[overthinkthis]

Final thoughts on MMDIY

This is not going to be a review because I don't really do that kind of thing, but I do want to write about the point that I loved most about this show. I know it's not perfect but I will forgive a lot of wobbles in plot or editing when a show emotionally resonates with me or makes me feel seen in a way other shows don't. And the way queer struggles were portrayed in mmdiy definitely did that.

Neither Wan nor Kim are out as queer but it's like they're living in an open closet. It should be obvious to everyone (even themselves) that they love each other and yet, for the longest time they seem unable to make that last step and confess their love, even though they both desperately want to on some level.

We do get some explicit homophobia with regard to Wan's career but it very quickly becomes obvious that that isn't the actual problem. Wan is very well able to stand her ground when she is attacked directly, we see that with Jessie and with Marwin's family. She is ready to confess to Kim, plans to do so multiple times. Why is it so hard to make that last step?

I do not know what the creators of the show were trying to say, but what I feel when watching the show, is the impact of the invisible homophobia and misogyny woven into all of society. The kind that isn't openly hostile but consistenly equates happiness for women with straight marriage and queerness with being miserable. We can write essays about comphet, but to me, this show gives a good take on what it actually feels like to be pressed into this expectation (although, I should probably say that I come at this from the perspective of a trans guy, not a lesbian - I still think a lot of the feelings are similar).

I love the conversation between Wan and Kim and the end of ep 9, where Kim tells her that she is going to marry Marwin. She basically admits that she doesn't love him, but she is still going to marry him because her mother wants her to.

And we know her mum isn't really trying to control Kim or make her miserable - quite the opposite. All she wants is for Kim to be happy. She should probably know better - given how her own marriage ended - but the idea that marrying the 'perfect' guy is the pinnacle of female happiness is so ingrained in society that it's understandable why she still falls into this trap. I really like that they show how suffocating a parent only wanting what's 'best' for their child can be.

I love that this show made Marwin someone who looks like such a good catch. I mean, there were some red flags from the start, but at a time where Wan was more controlling and aggressive, he genuinely looked like the better option. Gentle, patient, rich (some people even commented that the show made them ship the straight couple). The kind of guy that would be endgame in every second cheesy het romcom.

The people around Kim can kind of feel that he isn't right for her (even Marwin on some level does) but they still all enable her terrible decision to marry him. Which is another aspect I like about the show: The conflict is only resolved when Wan and Kim choose each other.

Women are constantly discouraged from going for what they want, especially when it causes other people distress, but the show clearly says: They make this choice for themselves, even though it hurts people, and that is how they get their happy ending. Not by being perfect all the time, not by caring about everyone else's feelings, but by choosing what they want for themselves.

And yes, obvisouly the whole thing could have been resolved earlier with less people getting hurt. But in another sense it couldn't, because they weren't ready. It's easy to blame Kim and Wan for not being more honest earlier on, but we can't do so without acknowledging the silent (and sometimes very loud) pressure to conform to heteronormativity.

I know some people didn't like this show very much and I do hope you all get all the kinds of GLs you're longing for soon. But imo it shows important aspects of queer experiences that we don't see a lot. And I'm really glad it exists in the way it does.

[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

Shamelessly spamming your inbox as well! Why do you think Kaz takes off his shirt in front of Inej? We know he likes to get a rise out of her (“something about the furrow between her brows was so satisfying”). Do you think he realizes he’s making her blush? Would you consider doing an analysis of your favorite parts of Kaz’s first POV in SOC and the CK bathroom scene? thank you so much!!

Hello and welcome to episode three of DK Finally Gets It Together And Answers Her Asks Because It's About Damn Time (working title)

Episode One - Episode Two

Hi, thanks so much for the ask and sorry that I've taken an eternity to get back to you, but yes absolutely let's talk!

Why does Kaz take his shirt off in front of Inej? The fact that Kaz takes his shirt off in front of Inej is kind of a strange one because it implies feeling a level of comfort around each other that neither of them are emotionally prepared to admit that they have - it's not that long ago (in fact I think it may have just been the previous chapter?) that Kaz told us "to say he trusted Inej would be stretching the point" and yet here he willingly removes his gloves and his shirt in front of her, a massive concession to his ability to be more vulnerable in front of Inej than he is anyone else. I think it's possible that, as you said, he enjoys getting a rise out of Inej however I aslo think this could be interpreted as yet another self-deprecating habit Kaz has collected around Inej to convince himself away from caring about her. I've talked a lot about the way his language separates them and famously the sarcastic delivery of "my darling Inej, treasure of my heart" to offend her even though the words represent, at least to some extent, his genuine feelings because he knows it will elicit a negative response (in this case pointedly referring to his cane and wishing him a long trip down the stairs before Inej herself slides down the bannister) and therefore he can somehow justify ignoring his feelings for Inej's because he had some kind of 'evidence' that she doesn't reciprocate. This is a damaging mentality to both of them, in Kaz with the evident self-deprecating qualities of the action and in Inej the belief that Kaz sees nothing in her except her monetary value to him (I believe the quote is something along the lines of "she was an investment no more no less" and is borne in Inej from the multiple times Kaz refers to her as such in his efforts to distance himself from her, unintentionally presently a massive and damaging misunderstanding of her trauma and the dehumanisation she went through - "bought her, and then sold her again and again"). the scene when Kaz removes his shirt in front of Inej is told from her perspective and we know she sees absolutely nothing beyond the practicalities of the moment as being any kind of vulnerability or romantically charged because she wonders what Kaz would think if she undresses and started washing herself in front of him, and comes to the conclusion "he'd probably tell me not to drip on the desk", and arguably this has a similar impact on her to the idea of being an "investment" rather than humanising terms because from her perspective he is acting exactly as he would if he were alone and with the way she's been treated and the kind of responses trauma and ptsd can cause in people this could to her feel like an extension of the dehumanisation tools that were used against her, effectively she may believe that he's willing to remove his gloves and shirt in front of her because he doesn't acknowledge himself as actually being watched by anyone - or at least not anyone of importance. Whilst this is obviously not Kaz's intention with the action I do wonder whether it's possible that it is to some extent another way of distancing himself from Inej. When Kaz removes his shirt Inej looks away from him, embarrassed, and pretends to study some of the papers on his desk. She comments that she had "lost most of her modesty at the Menagerie" but that there were still "limits". I think there's every chance that Kaz knows she will look away because she's uncomfortable with immodesty and the general vulnerability of the scene, as well as any relation she could reasonably find to her ptsd in this action, and that he is once again forcing himself to come up with this 'evidence' of her disinterest in him so he can bully himself into ignoring his feelings for her. I hope this made sense maybe it's just a rambling mess...

Also:

I have written an analysis of the CK bathroom scene so I will link that here

And when I was doing that series where I analysed my favourite quotes from each chapter I didn't get very far in because the posts took a long time to put together but I did cover chapter three (Kaz's first POV) split into a few different posts :)

Also, I'm back on my analysis nonsense right now so if y'all would like to see that series come back let me know, because I did have fun putting them together they were just also time consuming and I had a lot of other stuff to do at the time

Thanks so much for the ask! Sorry I took so long to respond, and the same to everyone else with questions in my inbox right now, but thanks for sending them in and thanks for reading this post - and don't let it put you off sending more asks if you'd like to! I am working my way through them, I promise :)

[blainehasregrets]

Some Wardrobe/Color Symbolism

are all these observations incredibly obvious and don’t even need to be stated? probably! did the show even care this much? …probably not!

Throughout season 1, Rachel and Quinn are constantly being presented as complete polar opposites of each other. But in Sectionals, after Rachel tells Finn the truth about Quinn and Puck, Rachel goes to talk to Quinn about it. She apologizes and says she understands if Quinn wants to hit her, but Quinn says Rachel just did what she was too scared to do. Despite the difference in everything about them, they’re both dressed in blue (which is a color I think glee tends to use to symbolize unity? Team work? A sense of sameness?) As of this moment, they’re on equal level now. Quinn even states a reason why out loud: “now neither of us have [Finn]”.

However, because Finchel is pushed so heavily throughout season 1, there’s never any doubt in our minds that Finn likes Rachel more lol. (I feel like the will they or won’t they have Finchel in season 1 is pretty weak because the pacing was just soo fast for them.) But, regardless of the Finn connection between them, Quinn and Rachel are the same deep down: just teenage girls. They can be selfish, and catty, but at the end of the day they’re both girls just trying their best. Quinn lied about Finn being the father out of fear and self preservation, even if it was selfish to do. Rachel told Finn about the lie because it was genuinely the right thing to do, but as well out of her own self interests and she herself admits this (“I wanted to break you two up”). It’s not about who’s right or wrong, in my opinion, obviously there’s a difference in weight in both their actions, but we can understand where both were coming from and I think this moment showed a new understanding between them.

Compared to their duet in Born This Way, where they’re represented by blue and red, and glee has a wholeee blue vs red theme they use often that I’ll get into one day (and usually the use of both is meant to show a character’s mind being at a halfway point between a decision). Even though they’re both feeling insecure, neither really understands the other’s POV yet, especially Rachel towards Quinn because in Rachel’s mind, Quinn is everything she’s not and she doesn’t get that Quinn can be just as insecure as she can. Even the distance between them where they sit in the choir room is greater.

In Mash-Up, Ken takes out his frustration towards Will on the members of the football team who are also in the glee club by scheduling conflicting practice. During this scene where Will goes to talk to him, they’re both wearing light and navy blue. Considering Ken usually wore single color (usually highlight bright) polos, so this I think this was deliberate for this reason:

They’re both teachers who ultimately want to put their students first. Despite the childishness of his actions before this, Ken still realizes how he can’t let his personal issues get in the way of his student’s happiness which is why he ends up moving practice so the football players can still attend glee after this.

And, maybe a lot less purposeful but something I got out of this season:

As for Will, while his clothes are more “professional”, and at this point of the show Emma idolizes him in a way that puts him in a different league from Ken, he’s no stranger to putting his own petty drama above the kids needs come season 2 (Britney/Brittany, Rocky Horror Glee Show) either. As much as Emma despises Ken and wants Will, Will’s going to end up breaking her trust by cheating on her in Hell-o, which will result in her losing her hero worship of him and seeing him as a person instead of an idealized version of him, which puts him back on the same level of Ken as “just some guy” and it’s not until season 2 does Emma start to see Will as an option again.

[froot-batty]

Hello! I am in love with your AU, it tickles my brain just right and I adore everything about it. So I just have a couple questions:

1. Why is Jervis so eepy all the time? Does she have narcolepsy? Is it a side effect of his brain damage? Or is she just like that?

2. So this Jon is aspec, right? Who does he love/care about, and how does he show his love and affection to him? (Also bonus: does Jon go by "it" exclusively when Scarecrow?)

Thank you!!!! And have a lovely day ^^

Thank you very much !! I'm always glad to know my AU is infecting people like a little brain parasite

Jervis is permanently eepy mostly because of the brain damage, yeah! She liked to sleep before the bump to the head (it was a kind of coping mechanism - to sleep through her problems - and it has been ever since she was a kid), but it only got worse as a result of that

One of the symptoms he experiences is a whole ton of fatigue. Chronic migraines paired with muscle weakness make a lot of activities physically exhausting for him, so sleep is one of the ways he recharges or escapes from particularly painful days

Also, sometimes it's just a good excuse to cuddle up with your friends :]

---

Jon is both Demiromantic and Demisexual :]. As of right now he doesn't have a partner, and he's quite content with that, but he's got lots of people he loves - even if his emotionally stunted ass won't admit it

His closest friends are Ed, Jervis as of right now, and Waylon! He also has a soft spot for Harley, as they were former coworkers! How he shows his affection differs depending on the person:

With Ed, they're both really emotionally distant guys, and neither of them seek physical touch (with Ed disliking it), so he's all about actions with them. Busting them out of Arkham, reluctantly answering riddles or testing out their puzzles, things like that. Ed is much the same way. They are a very snarky pair of guys.

Jervis' main love language is obviously physical touch, so the easiest way for Jon to show his affection is by letting Jervis cuddle up with him or hold his hand. He also will NEVER admit it, but he worries about her physical condition. When she gets tired, he'll let her sit on his shoulders (He also does tend to consider Jervis weak and in need of protection, and often underestimates him)

Waylon and him are SOUTHERN BUDS. Jon likes being around Waylon because he's just a genuinely nice guy. They have nice chats and look out/do favors for each other! Another example of Jon's love language being "busting your pals out of an insane asylum" though

When he worked with Harley, he thought of her as an overconfident, naïve, but well-meaning little sister. They're still friendly after Harley turned over to the dark side, but there's a part of Jon that resents how the Joker stole that glimmer of real promise that Harley had. Jon shows his affection for her by not injecting that annoying clown with a lethal dose of fear toxin

And to answer your bonus, yes! It came from the news articles written about the Scarecrow when Jon first started out, which used it/its for it because nobody really knew what the Scarecrow was. Jon liked it so much he adopted it into the Scarecrow persona (he probably wouldn't mind being called it/its in his normal life, but he ain't opening that can of worms, no sir)

Thank you for your questions !! I hope this satisfied >;}

[snowyslytherinowl]

My Views on Coriolanus Snow and The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes

This is a Harry Potter blog, but not even Harry Potter can capture my mind and soul like the Hunger Games can. I’ve read TBOSAS three times and I have some opinions to share. My conclusions will be based on the book since I didn’t particularly like the movie. 

Note: I haven’t read the book in about 2 months so I apologize if anything I say is blatantly incorrect. I don’t mind if anyone disputes what I say, but please be respectful. 

And of course, SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT!

Point 1: Coriolanus cared for Lucy Gray in his own weird way, but he never loved her

After reading the book for the second time, I thought that Coriolanus never loved Lucy Gray and that he was only ever using her. After reading it for the third time, I wouldn’t go so far as to say that he was only ever using her. I think that he genuinely cared for her before and during the 10th Hunger Games. For example, he felt disturbed at how she had nothing to eat and didn’t talk about what happened to Clemensia since she had bigger problems than he did. Also, Coriolanus kissing Lucy Gray in public during their final goodbye before the Games was one of the only moments where he broke from his true character (and this missing scene from the movie is one reason why I didn’t particularly like it). Coriolanus’s number 1 priority was maintaining his public image, so the fact that he kissed a District girl in public was a big deal. 

However, I don’t think he truly loved her since he viewed her as a possession. Coriolanus admitted to having an obsessive nature, which extended to him being obsessed with her. The first huge red flag in his relationship with Lucy Gray was when he gave her a matching rose before the interviews as a “reminder of who Lucy Gray belonged to.” Throughout the novel and especially after the Games, Coriolanus continually refers to Lucy Gray as “his girl.” He was also perpetually jealous of Billy Taupe even though she assured him time and time again that she loved only him. The most profound statement that proves his possessive nature towards her is when he thinks, “In some ways, it had been better to have her locked up in the Capitol, where he always had a general idea of what she was doing.” 

Coriolanus was someone who valued stability and control, while Lucy Gray was fiercely individualistic. So please stop thinking that it could’ve ever worked out between the two of them. 

Point 2: Lucy Gray is not a pick me girl

At least for the first few months after the book came out, people were claiming that Lucy Gray was what we would consider a pick me girl. The first time I read the book, even I thought that she gave off the vibe of not being like other girls. Lucy Gray emphasizes that she and the Covey were neither District nor Capitol; they’re just the Covey. But after reading the book for the second time, I realized that she only held this view because she was proud of who she was. At the same time, she didn’t think that being Covey made her any better or that District people were worse than her. She also said, “People aren’t so bad, really. It’s what the world does to them.”

I think that the “not like other District people” view originated from Coriolanus. From the beginning, Coriolanus viewed people from the Districts as brutish and subhuman. He used Lucy Gray’s identity as Covey as an argument that she wasn’t like the subhuman District people; she was special and one could even argue that she was even Capitol. It was unfortunate that she and the Covey were rounded up into District 12. I think he developed this idea as both a way to gain sympathy from Capitol viewers and to convince himself that he wasn’t in love with a “worthless” girl. He also would’ve disagreed with Lucy Gray’s quote since he viewed only District people as truly bad to the core. 

Point 3: Lucy Gray survived 

I don’t think we will ever get an answer as to what happened to Lucy Gray. I think her fate is supposed to remain a mystery, just like Wordsworth’s Lucy Gray’s fate remained a mystery. Nonetheless, I personally believe that she survived. 

Coriolanus hated the mockingjays because they were abominations that resulted from the breeding of high-tech Capitol jabberjays and the local District mockingbirds. And who is similar to the mockingjays? Lucy Gray. She was a songbird who wanted to be free and never wanted to be controlled, while Coriolanus wanted to control everything. Just like the mockingjays came to be and flourished in District 12, Lucy Gray also survived. She was a clever bird who survived the Hunger Games and tricked Coriolanus. 

I know that my opinion is based all on symbolism, but many aspects of Suzanne Collins’s writing are symbolic. 

Point 4: Coriolanus never cared for Sejanus

First of all, let me say that the movie did Sejanus DIRTY. They portrayed him as a pain in the ass (he was that in the book, but he was so much more as well) and I even saw some people saying that he deserved what he got. No one says that to my Sejanus. 

Anyway, back to the point: Coriolanus always viewed Sejanus as the bane of his existence. Sejanus was going to steal Coriolanus’s fortune and he always stole Coriolanus’s spotlight. Coriolanus thought that Sejanus brought the tributes food to take the attention away from him; not for one moment did he think that it was because Sejanus had a heart of gold. He viewed Sejanus’s attachment to District 2 as stupid since he should’ve felt lucky to have a comfortable life in the Capitol. 

Yes, Coriolanus jumped off his bunk and threw his arms around Sejanus when he arrived in District 12. But it was not because he was genuinely happy to see Sejanus; he was happy to see Sejanus because he reminded him of home. After their first conversation in District 12 was over, Coriolanus admitted that the news that the Capitol didn’t hate him was what brought him back to life. And while they were “friends” during their time as Peacekeepers, Coriolanus felt like he always had to get Sejanus out of trouble. Coriolanus was constantly watching over Sejanus to ensure he wasn’t communicating with the rebels and he was trying to convince Sejanus not to do anything extreme. This feeling got so bad that he wanted Sejanus out of his life.

One thing I will say is that I don’t think that Coriolanus wanted Sejanus dead, per se. When he recorded Sejanus’s plans using the jabberjay, Coriolanus thought that Strabo would donate tons of money and have Sejanus removed from District 12; he didn’t think he would be killed. I think Coriolanus felt slightly guilty for essentially putting the noose around Sejanus’s neck, but he also thought he was doing Sejanus a favor. He had saved Sejanus from dying multiple times before that, so it was only a matter of time before Sejanus died. So no, Anus^2/Snowjanus wouldn’t have worked out either.

Point 5: Coriolanus wasn’t completely evil from the beginning

I’ve seen people saying that Coriolanus was always evil or that he wasn’t even evil in TBOSAS. My viewpoint is in the middle between these two opinions. I think Coriolanus had messed up thinking from the very first chapter, but he wasn’t evil. He did have some morals, like genuinely caring for Lucy Gray’s well-being and feeling guilty over Clemensia’s snake bites. I don’t think he actually wanted to kill Sejanus or attempt to kill Lucy Gray, but he would kill anyone if it meant he would make it out alive and unharmed. I think Coriolanus would’ve eventually turned evil as he grew older even if the 10th Hunger Games had never taken place. However, I think that Dr. Gaul sending him to District 12 accelerated his path to becoming evil. By the end of the book, Coriolanus had devolved into the primal state resembling humans living without a social contract. 

Point 6: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes isn’t a romance

Point 5 brings me to this point: TBOSAS is a piece on human nature and political control. There is romance and I will admit that I giggled and kicked my feet as I saw Coriolanus kissing Lucy Gray like a starving man (this was despite me already knowing everything that would happen). The main actions of TBOSAS actually revolve around Dr. Gaul’s points on chaos, contract, and control (which originated from Leviathan by Thomas Hobbes). Without a government and without a social contract, people are primal creatures and will kill at a whim. The only way to civilize people is to place them under a social contract, and thus there must be a strong government to enforce this contract and control the people. Coriolanus took Dr. Gaul’s lesson to heart and genuinely believed that only the Capitol could hold Panem together. Throughout the book, Coriolanus starts from a person with questionable thoughts to a person with no morals whatsoever. The downward spiral of his moral compass truly begins when he arrives in District 12, but he loses all morals once he leaves for the woods with Lucy Gray and abandons civilization. Therefore, Coriolanus fell victim to Dr. Gaul’s thesis. 

GIF Credits

Intro: @aemondtagaryen

Point 1: @xthecaptainssaviorx

Point 2: @myrcella-lannister

Point 3: @kvtnisseverdeen

Point 4: @clemensiadovecotes

Point 5: @fyeahvillains

Point 6: @xthecaptainssaviorx

[tayfabe75]

It is clear that most of the songs were written before May 2023, but I am sure that after too. The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived was obviously written after, so what's your take on it? This is the angriest she's ever been. Where does this lead us?

Anon, I'll preface this by admitting that I don't think any songs on TTPD are reflective of the past year (though, they have been cleverly disguised to appear as though they're about current events) - I personally believe they are songs about things from Taylor and Matty's past that she dared not share until now for a couple reasons: 1) They wanted to keep their relationship secret 2) She wouldn't dare "out" Matty for his drug use (it was not yet hers to share)

Meaning, I don't believe Taylor would make such direct references to drug use without Matty's blessing.

Now, I get that almost the entire internet would disagree with me on this, I'm well aware that fans are out there right now giving their "diagnoses" about how "unhinged" and "manic" Taylor is on this album…

I vehemently disagree.

I've been studying the woman the past year and I'm continually impressed by her character. Sure, she's aware she's on camera and knows how to turn on the charm. But too much consistent wisdom comes out of her mouth in a way that never falters and isn't easily fabricated or replicated. Also, I don't think that a lot of the public perception of her matches up with how she actually comports herself. For instance, I often hear that she's a "petty queen" for writing about her exes, yet she rarely ever confirms any of them as muses, herself - yet somehow, the fans run wild with speculation and parrot it back like it's written in stone when the actual foundation of some of these myths consists of one or two paparazzi photos. It has been one of the most fascinating aspects of studying this "story".

Of course, I do my fair share of speculating, too… however, I mostly do this based on their discographies or statements made in interviews, things they've actually said or written, etc, rather than fan lore.

Let me just lastly say that the collective take from the "tayfabe" crowd is that TSMWEL is about Kanye, Scott Borchetta, or Scooter.

But… as the resident clown of the group, the one thing I can offer you is maybe a different perspective, which is what you must want if you came here at all, right??

TSMWEL, in my opinion, has romantic undertones ("our bed", "it wasn't sexy once it wasn't forbidden", "you'll slide into inboxes") that I doubt she would use for someone like Scott Borchetta. Aside from references to substance use, there's being "gone by the morning", themes we see in songs like 'Cardigan' and 'Question…?' and even in the music video for 'Me' by The 1975, and a reference to a car crash, something else that pops up thematically on The 1975's debut album - most of which seemed to also be reflective of an earlier time (and, lines like "slide into inboxes" and "hung me on your wall, stabbed me with your push pins" seem only to bolster my suspicion that this song likely predates even 2014...)

"Where does this lead us?"

I guess that depends on your perception! Do you believe a person is able to repair or maintain a meaningful relationship with someone who once wronged them? Can someone write a heartfelt song about a betrayal that they've forgiven and moved past? Or must it always be perceived as "petty"? Can a song like this be purely reflective, or must it be fresh, scathing, or indicative of current feelings? We can safely extrapolate Matty didn't leave Taylor because he didn't care - he seems to have genuinely thought she was better off without him. If someone did that to you, would you maybe understand how anxiety lies to people and... ultimately forgive them? (As someone with a similar "cyclonic" anxiety... I'm genuinely curious!)

I personally believe that TTPD, like all of Taylor's albums, tells a story. Taylor does not sugar-coat things, and neither does Matty. And they're so beloved because they are willing to share their most vulnerable thoughts and feelings, right? If, indeed, TSMWEL is about our boy, well, I'm sure Matty also understands that "the good and bad end up in the song".

Now, read this quote again, but without all that pesky catastrophizing everyone seems to love doing:

"This period of the author's life is now over."

If, truly, this is a reflective album about the past (say, 2014), then maybe it means she wanted to document this period as part of her self-mythologizing confessional songwriting repertoire, but no longer dwells in the pain of it. It's probably just me, but as a fellow woman in her thirties, I just don't buy Taylor processing trauma this way! So publicly, I mean. She learned her lesson in 2016. And this album seems to be more about teaching lessons, herself, now…

But truly, your guess is as good as mine, anon. Thanks for the ask!

[elrondhalfelven]

Rocket for the ask game, please!

1. favorite thing about them

how he genuinely is quite sensitive to the needs of his friends - he’s hell when dealing with strangers, and maybe isn’t the best at reading the room, but he DOES care. he’ll be kicking and screaming about it and denying it but if something is not right he’s not one to sit by and ignore the problem

2. least favorite thing about them

it probably ties into the first thing in that just cause he recognises a problem it doesn’t mean he knows the right way to go about fixing it. try telling him that though. i’ve noticed a lot over the years (and obviously different writers too so this is all subjective) that rocket’s version of arguing back tends to hinge on being louder than the other person and getting the last word. he needs to learn to shut the fuck up sometimes (affectionate). (wouldn’t be him if he wasn’t like this though! it shouldn’t change!)

that being said, kind of a tangent, I dislike it when some writers choose rocket arguing back as just him being an asshole. i haven’t played the telltale game in a long time, but i seem to remember their rocket falling into this trap. sometimes he would be contrary just cause…. the writers called for it i guess? so he came across as a dick for no reason. eidos rocket meanwhile was kind of a dick but always a dick who was trying to make a point and had legitimate quibbles. for his two page appearance in star-lord grounded rocket also blew up at peter - but had objectively good reasons to! and was willing to listen when pete met him on his level.

so long story short - he’ll snark back, might blow his top a bit but in his mind he always has his reasons and when you look at them they’re mostly legit from his perspective.

a lot of writers unfortunately just make him angry for no reason and it’s really, really, REALLY annoying /rantover

3. favorite line

rocket probably makes me laugh the most out of any character he has so many ridiculous lines there’s too many to count. “that’s how we do things in the raccooniverse”lmfao. that being said I’ve always liked the dialogue between him and Pete at the end of vol. 2. Rocket’s hardly an optimist but it kind of ties into my answer for 1. He knows Peter is beating himself up and when Peter tentatively reaches out, Rocket knows what he needs to hear. Hell, Rocket himself probably also needs to tell himself but they did good!

Peter: This guarding the galaxy thing sure comes at a price.

Rocket: You knew that when you put this team together, Pete.

Peter: Yeah… but Adam? Phyla? The cosmos will be a poorer place without them.

Rocket: What about Mantis? The Major? Gamora? God help me, even that damn dog. We thought they were dead. Life and death. The trick is to keep the books balanced.

4. brOTP

groot obviously. Pete.

5. OTP

none

6. nOTP

none

7. random headcanon

he and gamora are actually closer than you’d suspect - he quite often will help her deal with her implants if they’re becoming painful, or even take out ones she doesn’t need anymore. raccoons having weirdly small human hands comes in handy (ha!) for that. she’s surprised at first - he’s more capable of serious conversation than she initially thought - they have way more in common than both of them originally thought. he knows all too well how painful it is when your implants start bugging out, but he didn’t expect one of the most famous assassins in the universe, who should by all means have the best, to be almost as cobbled together as him.

it’s sad, though neither would admit that, but it makes the two of them feel less alone.

8. unpopular opinion

i feel like a lot of this is just wider MCU fandomy stuff that i’m not part of but, like i said, generally rocket ISN’T just an asshole for no reason.

9. song I associate with him

Mr Roboto by Styx

10. favorite picture of them

I wish i had a screencap of that selfie that he took of him and the team that’s in pete’s room in the eidos gotg game because it’s too cute. that one.

[femmefaggot]

sorry. 5 million asks upon you whenever you wake up but unfortunately im on the grind playing. so the vocal stim was what i thought it was, but it requires some context bc she is so silly and funny to me. so cohlune had asked shalvas hey. go find some nuts for me in the forest. theyre VERY important to curing this disease. and so shalvas does and brings them back. muefell is curious about them so cohlune encourages her to take a look at them and she just. eats them all. (which honestly. very funny of her. i respect it) which is why shes saying that bc it tastes similar to the food. both cohlune and shalvas are like oh. 😶 she ate all of them okay. neither of them are upset about it (in terms of getting mad at her) but i wanted to give the context. it is kind of crazy to me how you saying that cohlune is similar to jaskier because the more i think about it, the more similar shalvas is to geralt in like. a few specific ways. cohlune later asks shalvas to get smth else for him and shalvas is SO upset abt his effort being wasted that hes just like this time, go gather it yourself. their dynamic is so funny bc shalvas is normally like. not super impolite but towards cohlune he seems to trust him (like he doesn't trust this other guy, but as SOON as cohlune is like oh hes telling the truth, shalvas is like oh ok.) but is also like yeah i will be fed up with you.

in terms of other updates. muefell loving danger and going big wet eyes mode at cohlune works VERY often but not when he knows she will be in active danger. he really really cares about her a lot. ill just copy paste what i wrote for summarizing this section here (sorry this is so obscenely long. you WILL learn about cohlune and muefell its important). for a bit of context, ikauipe is at war rn and also being plagued with the disease so its well. not good for her.

"Muefell enters the room, and Cohlune asks her why she has such a big backpack. She just simply says, “Ikuaipe, let’s go.” Shalvas asks if she plans on following him and she says yes. Cohlune tells her no, as Ikuaipe is currently at war and is in a frenzy. She is silent, and as Cohlune attempts to explain why, he stops because she is looking at him in a sad manner. He asks for her to not look at him like that, but puts his foot down, saying that this time it’s definitely not okay for her to go, and if she goes, he will be upset. She is silent for a while before asking for a souvenir and Cohlune agrees to it, saying that’s a cheap option and tells Shalvas that that’s about it. Shalvas asks why this is happening and Cohlune asks for him to please stand up for him. Everyone is silent for a while before Shalvas admits he can’t help it and asks what she wants. She says that friends are better and asks for him to bring her a friend. Shalvas is confused by what she means by friends, and Cohlune explains that if there is a creature he can find, he would like for him to catch it, with Muefell confirming that is what she meant. Mistos is surprised, as he didn’t know that Shalvas had become such good friends with Muefell. Shalvas asks if it seems that they (him and Muefell) get along well and Mistos says that he can see it. Shalvas still seems a bit unsure though."

it kind of kills me that shalvas is like? really? we're friends (autism trait soooo much to me personally) and also kills me that she wants friends. like god i think she is genuinely so isolated w how her parents dont seem to be around her a lot and it seems like cohlune is the only person she really opened up to before shalvas (cohlune even says that hes surprised she CAN open up when she starts being nicer to shalvas)

I think I love everything about this

also massively curious abt the characters for muefell... jst mueheru or something else ?

[ohifonlyx33]

I'm really sorry if I sound negative, I just need to voice some of my thoughts on how Malina was written at the end before I can content myself with the rest of the season....

because even though I hear what people are saying about "choice" ...I just can't make it fully make sense...

Mal's ability to track is based on Morozova's magic bloodline. and his special link to Alina allows him to hear a buzz in the back of his head when he's holding her hand or searching for her. But what has that got to do with them falling in love???

By all means, question it (preferably before the "Vows We Could Keep" scene, please). But for goodness sake, come to the right conclusion.

'Cause I just don't buy this idea that they can't tell if what they have is real or not... and neither did they in the book. Certainly not Malyan "you were meant for more than I can give you so say goodnight and send me away before I kiss you senseless" Oretsev who drove himself mad loving Alina from a distance, loving her even against all hope of a future together. And certainly not Alina "none of it mattered if Mal was dead" Starkov who loved him more than any amount of power he could offer her.

In the book they knew that they forged their own bond based on YEARS of history together and several life-changing events too. Their relationship wasn't just some easy thing.... it took them being forcibly split up, coming near death several times, and having to imagine never seeing each other again for them to finally admit what they felt out loud... they had to use human communication, writing letters and pining for years, to work out what they meant to each other after being scared to say it... So yes, they earned their relationship.

But yes, they also accepted that fate brought them together and were glad of that. They didn't deny that they were always destined to meet, but it just followed naturally in their minds that if and when they met, of course, they would inevitably fall in love--because they love each other so much now that how could they not love each other then? And yet... they both acknowledge that they would be different people without each other and their love story would look different... but still they can't imagine a lifetime in which they meet and don't fall in love.

At the point when Mal looses his Tracking Ability, the loss is not enough for him to question if their friendship and love and sacrifice for one another was only destiny because he'd already confirmed that their love was not a product of their magical link. Just like Alina's magical link to The Darkling couldn't make her love him, it could only call or draw her to him, even when she actually hated him. In the same way, Mal and Alina could have grown up enemies or rivals always orbiting one another but never actually caring for one another. It was their understanding... They genuinely cared about each other. They formed a true friendship and fell in love.

The way we know it's not because of magic is because the love they share was never contingent solely on a warm fuzzy tingly feeling when they were near. Summoning sunlight and tracking amplifiers does not equate to falling in love.

If being the sun summoner and the firebird is what brought them together, what was it that kept Mal from just running away with her once they were together? What was it that made Mal admire her strength and leadership even if it meant she needed to marry a prince and keep him at a distance? He saw her needs, her duty, her destiny and took himself out of the picture thinking it would be best for her. That's not an act of ~magic drawing them together... that's selfless, sacrificial love.... which is kinda their WHOLE THING and the whole reason they are endgame. Because sacrificial love is stronger than cruel greed and power any day. That's what Malina is about. Choosing love over power.

So even though I understand Mal having some kind of identity crisis about what his purpose is without his tracking ability, and even though I like the idea of "I choose you" at least as much as "you are my destiny" ...I don't like when the show has him suggest that their shared destiny in finding each other somehow also negates their free will in the matter of falling in love. They already chose one another... They already fought for each other over and over again. And not because of ~magic.

And that small but somehow massive shift in the narrative is the one thing I really struggle to get behind... because it's like the writers are conceding that there was a problem with the way the book was written when there never was.

[ell-vellan]

12, 28, and 38 from the oc relationship asks!

Thank you for asking! <3

I'm just gonna do every relationship I currently have rotating in my mind, lol.

OC Relationship Asks

12. What is something their S/O does to make them flustered?

Ellawyn/Bull: Anytime Bull flirts or touches her in public. She's not used to it - since their relationship started as a secret - and doesn't know how to react in a way that's still becoming of the Inquisitor. But she likes it anyway, and Bull likes unraveling her sense of decorum. Bull would've figured the ability to get flustered had been surgically removed from him at birth - but when El uses her abilities as a mage to ease his pain, or her command role to take care of him in ways that isn't necessary to the war effort, he doesn't know what to do or say.

Anera Lavellan/Solas: I think anytime Anera touches him, Solas finds it unexpected. For her, it's so easy, but it's been so long that he's let anyone this close. It takes him by surprise each time, and he can't hide how much it makes him melt.

Alistair/Auriel Cousland: It's too easy to fluster Alistair; Auri finds it endlessly amusing. She's far more confident in her seduction skills than Alistair. He hates it when Auriel and anyone else - but especially Zevran or Morrigan - talk about their romantic experiences so easily. But, in private, Alistair has a way of saying the most gentle, genuinely beautiful words of love to her, and it stuns her into speechlessness at last.

Zevran/Lathlen Mahariel: Mahariel is un-flusterable. He's a rock. He never smiles, never blushes. Zevran tries to rile him up by being outrageous in public, but...nothing. Mahariel doesn't care about other people and can't be embarrassed. But he enjoys making Zevran flustered with subtle touches. Because Zevran acts so suave, but he's unused to real, intense affection that zeroes in on him and claims him entirely. So Zev might flirt poetically, grandly, for all to hear - then Mahariel will grab him by the belt or his chest plate, pull him close, and murmur something possessive with low, quiet confidence in his ear. Zevran makes a half-hearted attempt to laugh it off but he's shocked, actually how someone found a way to make him blush, after all this time. He's had many people in his life who's claimed to own him, but with Mahariel, he finds he isn't opposed to the idea.

28. Do they trust one another? Are they comfortable discussing their fears with one another?

Ellawyn trusts Bull with her life; she's learning, with some difficulty, to trust that he will stay. They're both very open about their fears, though Bull has a harder time admitting any vulnerability at all.

Anera trusts Solas...about 99 percent. She can tell there's something he isn't saying, but the things he does tell her, she believes. I don't think Solas talks about his own fears at all; if he does, it's very vague and in general terms. Anera freely admits the few things she's afraid of.

Auri and Alistair are completely open books with one another, and trust each other above all others.

Zevran and Mahariel are as well, but it takes them both much, much longer to get there. Neither of them trusts easily, but by the end, they trust only each other.

38. What would be their ideal evening in?

El and Bull - Bull really wants to see El drunk. At least once. Just because he doesn't think she ever has let loose enough. So, a party with the Chargers, where Bull can see El safely back to her room, take care of her, and she no longer feels the need to be so very guarded. But El would probably prefer not to ever drink Qunari booze again.

Anera and Solas would be in front of the fire together, each reading different books, and occasionally telling the other something they've read, either to debate the merits of it or just to share fun facts.

Auriel and Alistair passed out asleep, cuddled together with their dog after a feast and no need to get up early the next morning.

Zevran and Mahariel - probably a target competition (Zev's daggers vs Mahariel's arrows) with some kind of sexy consequence for whichever one loses. Then the nicest room at whatever inn they're crashing at. It likely involves blindfolds and ropes and maybe hot candle wax.

[hesitantvampirealien]

realizing that one reflects the treatment their parents give to them is a gut wrenching pain

kind of a vent under cut

(content warning for abuse, not detailed but multiple forms of it are mentioned)

i find my relationship with my family something a bit funny sometimes, and remembering how much i'm a reflection of both of my parents is so agonizing to me, specially the parts that i got from my dad.

I come from a fucked up family. As i already mentioned, i'm autistic and i have ASPD, as well as having started treatment for PTSD despite not receiving a diagnosis for it so i'm unsure if i have it, but unfortunately it was interrupted for reasons that were out of my control. My mom is autistic and my dad is also neurodivergent (unsure of specifications). My mom and i have a bit of a complicated history as mom and son. Same thing with my dad. Both of them fucked up a lot while raising me despite the ratio in that matter, and i think at least my mom can see it a bit, even though she never apologized directly, she fixed a lot of things in her behavior. My dad on the other hand? nothing.

We fought a lot, the 3 of us with each other. Well.. the 4 of us, considering my dad's other wife who had beef with a 9 year old because that fucking cunt thought of me as a memory of my dad's past relationship and not as a whole different fucking person and abused me for years.

For so long, my mom was so neglectful and none of them would actually accept a disabled child. They didn't see me as a child, a human being in formation. I was a robot for them, i should be following their orders perfectly without asking questions, and if i had "technical difficulties" there were 2 possible results

my dad and step mom - spanking and torturing until i learned to be "decent"

mom - forcing me into the psychiatric hospital because to her, if i was upset at her for hurting me it meant i was out of my mind and was having a psychotic breakdown (to her, "psychotic breakdown" meant me as a child crying and asking "why are you saying this to me?" because she said something horrible to me).

i'm still bitter about it. Very bitter. I can't help it.

My childhood was taken from me in multiple aspects by multiple people. I don't know what it is like to be a child. I was forced in a room, forced to constantly act like a perfectly functional adult, i was stripped away from privacy, dignity, i was treated like i was less than human. I had no right to have my own things, my own thoughts, my own will, they were the ones that decided what i was allowed to want and think if they were in a good mood and allowed me to want and think anything at all. I still wonder how me trying to kill myself at 9 didn't mean that maybe something was wrong.

But at least my mom got better. She stopped, she's trying to help me go after the things i need to fix the shit that she helped to break in me. Well, she didn't make as much of a damage as my dad but i can't completely ignore her part either.

As for my dad? fucking gone because i couldn't stand the abuse anymore and ran away and demanded that i stayed with my mom because at least she wouldn't spank me and torture me and neither the people in the hospitals she forced me into. But i admit that for so long i thought there was something wrong with ME for being sad in both environments, i thought that i was being picky and i was a bad child and that everything bad happening around me was because i was asking for too much when in both environments i suffered some sort of abuse. The only difference is that at least my mom sees now that i got fucked in the head and she's learning to listen. But my dad does not give a shit.

I forgave him because i thought he cared for me, specially after he told me that he was neurodivergent too, and after i noticed that there were many things that he genuinely had difficulty seeing the problem in that created so many issues in my head. It was like that fucking person he married completely destroyed his head along with mine.

no.

all of that, it just ended in the second i heard that she had a stroke. He just discarded me. I meant nothing to him and i was his first fucking child, but he didn't give a shit. Everything was always about how he felt like his life was shit with her being away and he came with some nihilistic and suicidal-sounding shit. My 9 year old sister was depressed with everything and that was when she needed my dad the most, my brother? no news from him whatsoever, and my dad was just discarding the 3 of us. HE HAD 3 FUCKING KIDS TO TAKE CARE OF AND ALL HE COULD THINK ABOUT WAS AN EXTREMELY ABUSIVE JERK THAT MADE FUCKING TORTURE SESSIONS FOR A 9 YEAR OLD AND HOW MUCH "HIS LIFE MEANT NOTHING WITHOUT HER". But everything regarding my siblings as always was in my hands to solve. I was always the one who actually had to take care of my siblings, even if my brother hated me because my step mom made him and her whole family believe i was some "perverse filthy slut who wanted to destroy the family" even though i was 9

If my dad ever loved me, i don't know. I think he didn't. Regardless of that, all that i saw was how much he's just a fucking dog just like i am.

Both of us are losing dogs. He just complies to shit, he never stands up for himself, he just lets people do whatever they want with him and then discounted it on his own fucking child because he was so sickly obsessed with other people approving him, so having a not socially acceptable child to him was worse than hell itself. In general he was a dog with no bite.

and me? i'm just as much of a dog. A dog that bites? yes, but in a muzzle so i can't bite. Because unlike him, i'm not "socially acceptable" in ANY aspect, no matter what, i will never fit in, i will be ostracized. I can't choose to force myself to comform to society's suicide-inducing standards to have everyone's approval. I have to stand up for myself and i will when i have to while being aware that if i do it, i'll be punished severely for it. Because people look at me and they don't see a person, they see a problem. A problem, somehow, burdening THEM, even when i do nothing and i'm just there, existing, and that's forever gonna be the general opinion. And most of the time i'm completely unaware if i even did anything wrong at all because i'm never told anything, i'm just suddenly kicked over and over again and given shitty excuses. In general, meaning that i have to endure abuse from every corner with no real right to defend myself without being kicked much harder by so many more people. A dog in a muzzle? it must be rabid. Do i get to choose? no. I have to at least bark or i die.

as for my mom? we got on good terms. She listens to me now and i try to help her as much as i can, and vice versa. And ironically enough, her "type of autism" is compatible with mine in certain ways and she tries to help me get back on track as a functional adult, and as funny as it might be that this coincidence happened, both her and I are aroace spec. I got the "best" from her and the worst from my dad, and that feels so weird when i stop to think that, really, at the end.. i guess that those were the things they gave me. My mom gave me the "less worse" treatment compared to my dad who turned a blind eye and even participated in active abuse and torture. One gave me bad, one gave me horrible. I reflect that bad and that horrible.

If i'm honest, i guess sometimes i vent out in the open in the hopes that maybe, just maybe, someone that also gets it, who also went through the same or similar things and is also trying to be a better person everyday despite everything sees it and tells me that i'm not the only dog in a muzzle here.

i know i use the dog parallel a lot, sorry.

[invisiblegarters]

Be My Favorite Ep 4

I have to say again, I did not expect to like this show this much, but well, here we are, I guess. My 2023 BL watching has been sporadic at best, and it does feel good to get back into following a show as it airs. Good prep for the glut we're gonna get later in the year, right? :D

All right I think I am going to like Max and Kawi together. Max seems like a straight shooter but not in a mean way. Kawi needs that, I think.

Okay, no, I definitely like these two together.

Man, though. I sometimes think about what I'd do differently if I could go back in time - I think it's something most people have thought about at least once or twice - and there's some, but maybe not as much as I like to think. The dad thing just gets to me, here. More than everything else. Just right in the chest.

I just really don't love hazing stuff. Don't care if it's "all in good fun" or not, it just doesn't sit well with me.

And now we all know that Piseang is going to show up, because we have room sharing shenanigans to get to.

Knot is the worst, guys. Just, genuinely. Aw, I like that at least one of them thought to ask Kawi if he needs or wants help with Pear. I mean, he totally needs help haha the poor boy is just useless at this, but I don't think he needs the seniors specific help. I don't trust them at all, mostly because Knot is involved and as I said, he's the worst.

And a wild Pisaeng appears to save the day! Bet that Kawi does not appreciate this.

Oof, this is awkward. These people are so awful, ugh.

Honestly, neither of them deserve this. This is so painful and it really doesn't need to be heard by a bunch of jerks who think that Kawi's punching above his weight class, so to speak.

Oh, honey. Although I have to say I do admire his guts in confessing. But it stings.

I have to say though that this love triangle cracks me up a little.

Okay I am Pisaeng in the bar sceen. Pisaeng is me. Kawi, no. Kawi, stop. Except I'm not also fueled by jealousy, ha.

Oh. Oh, hey, I kind of love the fight that Pisaeng and Kawi have. Because Kawi isn't wrong, is he? Pisaeng knows how Pear feels about him and he's ignoring it for whatever reason - my guess is to keep peace and to keep his childhood friend staying around/trying to keep from hurting her because he cares for her even if he can't like her back - but in the long run all he's doing is prolonging the inevitable. Then again he does marry her in the future, but yeesh, that's not great either. Because they've pretty much told us that he doesn't grow to love her. He just...apparently keeps keeping on the buddy role, taking care of her. Pear is a sweetheart and she deserves someone who truly loves her. Both of them deserve to be with people they want and who want them back.

I am glad that he did listen and tell Pear the truth, finally. Man, all these rejections in this episode.

Guys, I really like Pear. She is so awesome. Although aaaah, I really don't know if I'm into her being sweet with Kawi directly after she rejected him. I do think that she's just trying to be nice and that she is probably also making a very clear statement to assholes about where her own loyalties lie, but also please don't confuse him, girl, you were doing so well. Then again it's not her fault if he mistakes being nice for feelings. I hope that they can actually settle into a friendship, because I think they'd be good ones.

Wait, is Pisaeng gonna do one of his own confessions next ep? I was kind of waiting for it this one, not gonna lie. Might as well go for the trifecta.

...all right. I admit it. I'm hooked. Definitely in for whatever comes next.