#she disappeared and is probably off causing harm to herself

[theamazingannie]

Just got forcefully outed. Again. This time to my mom. Apparently she suspected and had my gay cousin get confirmation for her and she fucking did it and I’m so fucking mad

[boizandgurlzinthehouse]

𝐝𝐢𝐝 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮?

summary: y/n didn't fell well in the last year... and she probably never will feel herself well again. word count: 2.832k trigger warning: SUICIDE, SELF-HARM (really, don't read it if it trigger you please please please), psych ward, signs of mental illnesses, heartbreak, hallucinating, screaming, farewell letter

count your fingers. breathe in, breathe out.

"are you doing this again?"

y/n sat on her bed, smoking a cigarette as she read the newest tabloids. others were watching tv in the lodge, but she preferred to out out some titles and interesting articles. the date stated 1995, may 3rd.

"you are no longer in the newspaper. they're dumb, never writing anything in these papers, fuckers."

scratching her neck, her nail broke at the end. it was weak ever since she got here, sleeping and eating was difficult also.

"but they were true about me."

she looked at him, pulling her knees to herself.

"fuck you, they weren't."

kurt sat at the leg of the bed, now the closest ever. he always stood at the door, sat by the window, or sat on the ground, facing her.

just keep counting. six, seven, eight...

"you look like you need a rest, love. dark circles doesn't fit you."

something constantly buzzed in her mind, like a radio band is always on, even if there's no music and no jokes. or the tv in the lodge at 2am, no shows were playing, she always talked with kurt at night, until the nurses didn't guide her back to her room. she was alone here, at peace, doing what she liked to do --writing her diary, reading books, painting her nails. he wanted to paint kurt's too, but he never came close to her, never let her touch him. he was distant, but in a comforting way.

"who do i need to look beauty for?" y/n asked, exhaling the smoke. kurt smiled, pointing at himself.

"for me."

"yeah, of course."

take your medicine. place a pill on your tongue, then swallow it down with a gulp of water.

the next dose of pills were laying on the plate, waiting for her to take them with a cup of water. they trusted her enough to take it alone, since she almost scratched her wrists from freaking out too many times. the clock on her nightstand ringed, it was time.

"you know i'll never disappear, even if you take those?" kurt laid back on her bed, reaching his hand to the ceiling.

brushing her hair, y/n turned away her head from him. she didn't want to hear this, and to turn to her sane sense.

"if you live only in my head, why can't i just make you go away?" she whispered, her eyes lingering on the lace of the curtain, forming an angel and a bunny.

"because you don't want to let me go."

looking at him again, the buzzing was so intense and it wasn't pleasuring. the voice wanted to tell her something, but it never could. it was a void. she was a void.

am i telling this to myself too? y/n felt tired, picking a pill, popping into her mouth. she ate more pills than actual meals, in the first two months, it was strange to even eat after only living on little pieces of medicine for so long. she looked at kurt, he was still here. ten more minutes and he'll be gone, but the pills only made her tired, they never sent him truly away. or, maybe it was easy to crawl into her mind. laying down, she used her boney arm as an extra pillow, dragging the comforter up on her body.

"when i wake up, piss off."

"can't promise, princess." kurt said, leaning on his elbow as he saw her closing her eyes.

days went like this --waking up before 10am, taking pills, skipping breakfast because the pills always caused her nausea, playing and talking with the others in the psych ward, talking with her own psychiatrist, eating lunch, taking pills, resting in the afternoon, reading the tabloids every wednesday, watching the telly or reading a book before dinner, and then, taking the day's last pills, and then sleeping all night, but she often woke up, sometimes two or three times even.

a knock woke her up from her deep slumber, making her shake. looking around, kurt was not around anymore --at least he kept his poor promise. a nurse, dorothy was standing in the door.

"good afternoon, y/n. you have a visitor."

it was strange. she broke her connections with most people, only dave and christ knew that y/n was still in here.

"who?" she asked, getting up to put on her shoes.

"his name is dave grohl. do you know him?" dorothy asked, making her nod. standing up, y/n went out on the door, seeing dave. walking up to him, dave smiled at her, but it was something uncertain in his eyes. y/n gave up for caring about other's feelings a couple months ago, since she couldn't even deal with hers.

"hello, angel! how are you?" he asked in the sound like you ask from a child, hugging her lightly.

"totally fine." really, she was in a psych ward almost a year from now on, what could she say?

"can we go for a walk? that girl... maybe dorothy? said that we can go for a little walk, i want to know what's going on with you."

stepping outside, y/n breathed fresh air only when she opened her window, and went for a short trip with the others once in three months. the air was calming, and the sun didn't shine too bright, flowers grow on the edge of the sidewalk. dave was so strange, like he also lived in her mind. but he doesn't have to know about that.

"so, what's up? hanging around, uhm..." he wanted to continue, but y/n looked at him.

"chill, dave. i know this place is a horror house. i'm pretty fine, dealing with my things and stuff... and you?"

"i'm fine also. me and jennifer talked about having kids, but i'm not feeling the time yet."

"i felt that." she and kurt had frances, y/n loved her as her own daughter, even if that crazy woman courtney fretted her for being in the baby's presence.

"i have some pictures about bean, do you wanna see them? courtney was against it, but... i thought you'd like."

"that's really nice from you, dave."

seeing the pictures, she felt like the whole universe laughed at her. the buzzing started again, she tried to smile. "how big she is!"

"yeah, well, she is just like her fath-"

dave suddenly silenced. because everybody knew. everybody knew that y/n got in here because kurt died, her mind couldn't comprehend the fact, and she began to see him. she began to hallucinate, and most of the time, she just laid on her bed and looked at the ceiling, not eating, not drinking. if she wasn't crying or screaming, she was sleeping or just being like a sack of potato. the most miserable sack of potato. almost a year, and she didn't even made the smallest progress. she clearly, medically went crazy because of her lover's death.

"look, y/n... me, jen, chris and his wife is going on a trip... you should come too. it's much warmer there in california, you could loose up a little bit, don't you?"

y/n scratched her arms, looking at the stop sign at the end of the road.

"it's a really nice idea, dave. thank you. it's just... what if kurt-"

"what? what about kurt?" dave asked, getting angry. "sorry, but what fucking about him?"

"nothing, just... nothing, really, i just don't want to go."

"because of him? y/n, i don't want to be mean, but did you look at yourself? his death caused all of us pain, but you literally got sick from it."

"what about me? what about me, what about me?" she yelled. "don't say that he's dead, because i fucking see him everyday, and i'm not gonna let it slip!"

"do you see him right now, huh? do you see him? because if yes, then you are just the same as those girls who get shocked to be normal just a little bit!"

"and what if i saw him? what if i saw him and he just could see that how big of a cock your are, fuck you, dave!"

he laughed like he doesn't believed what he just heard.

"here we fucking are again, y/n! because i'm a good friend of yours, i'm gonna tell you that nobody fucking sees him, nobody who's normal! i thought that it's just some aftermath of your depression, but..."

"but what? i am crazy? i am compulsive? i am fucking hopeless? because you know, every fucking day was a menace since things got fucked up!"

"no, you are fucking worse than you were when he died!" dave screamed, trying to reach for her arm to get her back to the psych ward, but y/n clawed at him like a cat, while from the tip of her throat, an enormous shriek came from her, and then y/n just snapped.

"HE MAY BE DEAD! AND EVEN IF HE IS, I WISH I COULD DIE EVERY DAY JUST TO FREE MYSELF FROM ALL OF THIS VOID!" her vocal cords almost teared up as she screamed, crouching on the ground, holding her head. this was the end, the waves crashed above her head, the endless sea of her depression caged her in.

like a switch finally turned down, y/n tried to collect her breath, but it didn't helped. she went too deep, and the last breath of hope was sucked out from her.

"are you okay? y/n, fuck, are you alright?" dave asked her. y/n stood up, brushing her hair from her face.

"yes, i think everything's okay." she felt her own voice static, but it didn't matter.

"okay, then... shall we go back? you must be tired."

"yeah. let's go back."

dave didn't even know that he saw her the last time alive.

"i hope you get a little rest. i think it wasn't a good idea to come, but... i care about you. we all do." he said inside, y/n pulled up the muscles of her lips.

"it's okay. it was good to see you, dave." giving him a hug, it lasted a little bit too long, but he wanted too, so it wasn't a problem. she just wanted to feel loved after so long.

"see you later, y/n."

"yeah, see you too, dave!" she waved to him from the window, dave got out his camera from his car.

"do this again! wave and say, 'hi everybody!'"

"hi, goodbye, good morning, good afternoon everybody!" she sang while faning with her hand, smiling. dave waved to her the last time, then he got in his car, riding away.

do kurt miss christ and dave just as she?

1am. 1995, may 4th.

not a soul walked on the hallways of the ward. it was peaceful, only the small droplets from the fountain harmed the silence. only one bathtub, filled with water, a hand hanging on the side of the white porcelain. little curls of steam floating in the air.

"are you sure about that?"

he was here again, with her. kurt leaned on the brim of the tub, looking at y/n as she collected the pills. she's gonna swallow all of it, with two gulps of water, and then... she didn't know what's going after this, but she couldn't handle it any longer. life was too heavy, she felt it on her shoulders, her spine, her head, it crawled it's weight into her guts from day to day, a new day, a new weight.

looking at him, she stopped in her movements.

"did it hurt?"

kurt only smiled at that, saccharine in his smile.

"did life hurt?"

"only when you weren't there." she replied, then, placing the first dose of pills into her hand. "i wrote a letter. i hope they find it. and i hope i'll find you."

because she hoped, really. she had hope, not for life, but for him. she felt dumb every time she saw lame romance movies about people can't live without each other, but it turned out that it was true. she literally died without him, and air got much more suffocating.

looking at the pills, she looked up to the cross on the wall in front of her. so this is the end.

"i'll look for you, kurt. i love you." she said, not even paying attention to the fact if he was there or not, even if he just lived in her head. downing the pills, chug, another doze of pills, chug. just a couple of minutes, and no days will be spent with agony and crying, screaming, watching shitty movies, trying to live.

somehow, it was comforting to her.

laying back in the warm water, she saw kurt coming closer to her. her vision began to get blurry, and she felt stomach churn, her heart and liver exploding, but it was only a little pain. her lover bend over her, and maybe he touched her, kissing her forehead, but she didn't felt it. there was no movie in front of her eyes, playing her whole life, there weren't any so special things from books the writers always talked about. it was just laying down and resting for awhile.

in her last moments, she felt nothing else but warmth.

dear everybody, or anybody who finds this,

i never wasted too much words about anything. maybe i should have done, but i'm not gonna change this, so please, don't judge me. it's rude to judge dead people anyway.

everyone who thinks that my actions is in connection with kurt, they're right. i don't want to brag about my mental state, let's just say, i didn't feel well in the last couple of months. people around you change you, taking you to a ride, and i guess that i wasn't ready for the end of the ride. in the end, i only want you to remember that how wonderful and gentle, unique and perfect creatures we are. i loved myself, always, i just didn't love the way i felt.

some words to the people, because i was too much of a scaredy-cat to talk with them in the last rounds: dave and chris. you two are truly wonderful, the best guys i could ever imagine. i'm sorry that you have to get to know about this in a letter, but please, never let kurt's memory die, and maybe, don't even let mine. i didn't do a lot of good things in my life, but i loved. i loved and cared, and maybe that can be valuable even for you. courtney, i know we've never been good friends, but maybe, we never could be. i just want to wish you strength and courage for the rest of your life, i've never invalidated your feelings. maybe i felt just like you, excluding the fact that i don't have a lovely supergirl. frances bean, you little star; you won't remember me, but i'll remember you. you are the most fantastic girl i've ever known, and you'll gonna rock the world, just like your father did.

i don't want you to be sad. i wasn't sad, just a little crazy. living our lives without our loved ones claims us to be strong and brave, but i'm not enough brave for it. you're gonna do it instead of me, and my gratitude will chase you forever.

never forget to love and care! i did the same.

y/n y/l/n

she opened her eyes, sun shining through her eyelids. where the hell she was? feeling something soft under her touch; she laid on sand. little rocks pressed into her palms as she sat up. she didn't know where she was, and she wasn't even certain if she did what she did. coming to her senses, the waves crashed in the ocean only a few foot apart from her. washing the shore, it almost get wet her too. it was peaceful and unusual.

but she was not the only one sitting on the beach.

a figure, 60 feet from her sat just like her in silence, looking at the ocean and the dawning sun. could it be...

standing up, she was unsure in her steps, but somehow, she managed to go closer. it was him. instead of screaming and jumping, she simply crouched beside kurt, looking at him, so she was sure that it's really him. the wind blew his hair, his lips surely were salty from the air. brushing through his hair at the back of his neck, the blonde curls felt like silk. he was an angel.

without saying a word, y/n leaned her head on his shoulder. she could touch him now, watching as the sun bleed through the sky. she felt something warm in her chest–

–sure it wasn't reality. but it didn't even needed to be.

a/n: this is my first oneshot in this genre, and to be honest... i don't want to write more. i just had a very depressed couple of weeks, and this just came into my mind. i won't write fics like this, it turned out that i like domestic comfort and fluff more. if you liked it, or want to request, write in the comments, dm me or write here

stay safe, love yourself girliez,

louisa

[dsybouquet]

Ooh do you know of any fics with ellie as a mercenary? (or omg do you have any ideas uwu) I feel like that would slap

mercenary! ellie is probably the most cold blooded asshole the world has ever seen. if there‘s nothing in for her - she‘s not gonna do it. someone could be laying by her feet , bleeding to death and begging for her help and she‘d walk over them because they can’t pay her enough.

there were tales about her, saying she‘d rather die painfully than accept help.

she‘s an absolute lone wolf, travelling the world by herself. it‘s not like she had anything to lose, she was alone anyways.

one day, you met her. she had set up camp in the woods. her fire was illuminating her surroundings just barely. the sound of your footsteps caused her to pull out your gun immediately, ready to shoot whatever was coming right in the head.

„don‘t shoot.“ you said, walking up to her. „i‘m not trying to harm you.“ she just scoffed, not lowering your gun.

„then drop your fucking guns.“ she spitted out and to her surprise, you dropped them and put up your hands. „whats your name?“

„______.“ she lowered her gun, but still pointed at you.

you rolled your eyes when she didn’t say anything in response. „any more questions or are you gonna let me pass?“ the way you talked pissed her off to the core.

„pass, but i‘m sure you‘ll die. the only way through these woods is a village in the middle of it. its covered by infected. try your luck.“ she put her gun down and looked at you.

now you were the one who scoffed. „like i need advice.“ you put your hands down and picked up your guns again. „but i heard rumours about these woods. apparently they are hard to survive.“

you raised an eyebrow and looked at her. „but if they are so hard to survive, how come you are alive huh?“

she just shrugged, leaning forward so her arms rested on her knees. you sat down in front of the fire and looked at her with a tilted head. „who are you?“

again, she shrugged. „maybe i‘m your only way to get through this forest - if you can pay me enough.“

and you sighed. the rumour also had it that a young woman will wait by a tree and help you get through. she would disappear back in the woods once you were at the end. could it be that that’s really her?

„okay, witch of the woods, what do you want?“ you said, sarcasm dancing on your words. „well, what do you offer?“ she cockily replied, tilting her head with a smirk.

„i offer you my company.“

ellie started laughing and shook her head. „you should know better than anyone else that that will not be enough, don’t you?“

you hated the way she spoke, how she tilted her head at you and how her body was speaking. you knew she were making fun of her.

„why should i trust you, i don‘t know shit about you. i don‘t even know your name. how can i be sure you wont lure me anywhere just to fuck me over?“

„oh, you can’t.“ she childishly smiled. „but i can promise i won‘t.“

you rolled your eyes and looked her straight in the face. „what’s your name?“ you almost purred, trying to get a hold of any kind of information about her.

„Ellie. Not that hard to ask for something right?“

„okay ellie. how do i get through these woods?“

„again, i‘ll help you if you pay enough.“

this went on for some until you had enough. you stood up and looked at her.

„alright, allmighty witch.“ the sarcasm in your voice almsot made her laugh. „was nice talking to you. i hope we won‘t cross paths again.“

„if you ever need help on your way, just call my name and i‘ll make sure to help. of course only i-„

„only if i pay enough, yeah sure. i got it.“

ellie watched you leave, knowing you‘ll meet again.

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

okay idk if thats what you wanted but thats all my tired brain worked out aaaa

hope you enjoyed 🤭

[terabyteturtle]

correction, soulmate au with jun, lars, lee & kaz x reader who's secretly a persona user is poly rs, if you can write poly relationships!! if not, you can make it x lars since he's my boy hehe

I don't mind writing poly relationships at all! Hopefully, you enjoy this. There's a slight mention of sex at one point, but nothing blatantly NSFW.

- Oh boy. All four of them in a relationship with you at the same time? Good luck.

- Jun is fine, but the three brothers are gonna be difficult to deal with, at least for the first few months. There's a lot of animosity and unsettled business between them, so they're definitely going to fight A TON.

- You and Jun are gonna have your hands full trying to keep the peace between these three. Don't worry, they'll set aside their differences eventually, but in the meantime, you poor souls are the only forces stopping them from killing each other.

- The fact that you're physically linked only makes matters worse. The way your soulmate connection works is that you are connected to all four of them, and they are all connected to you, but they are not connected to each other. So if one brother gets too fired up and tries to harm another, you'll feel the pain too. It won't be as severe for you, considering you weren't the one actually receiving the injury, but you'll still feel a sharp sting for a few seconds.

- Again, as time passes and everyone grows used to the relationship, the fights will become less frequent. Initially, though, it requires a lot of patience and communication between all of you.

- Jun doesn't mind being in a poly relationship. It definitely takes her some getting used to, since she loves you and you only, but she always reminds herself that fate brought all of you here, which is proven by everyone's soulmarks. In the end, if everyone else is happy, then she is happy too.

- Lee doesn't mind it either. As long as he gets to have some time spent with you, he's over the moon. Some time is better than none at all, and you're worth everything to him.

- Lars is a little put-off at first. Every time he sees you giving affection to one of the others, it kind of hurts him a bit. However, as time goes on, he begins to understand poly relationships more, and those feelings slowly disappear.

- It's Kazuya who has the most difficult time adjusting to the relationship. He hates the idea of sharing you with anyone, let alone his brothers. He gets really defensive and angry whenever he sees them showing you affection, which often contributes to his fights with them. When it comes to Jun, he feels awkward. He hadn't seen her in decades, and now they're in love with the same person? Needless to say, all of this is going to take a while for Kazuya to get used to, so you'll need to show him as much patience as possible.

- If someone asks about their soulmark, they all have different reactions: Kazuya ignores the question entirely, Lee makes a joke about it, Lars passes it off as a scar, and Jun simply says it's a new tattoo. They're not embarrassed by their soulmarks---they're just worried about people potentially discovering your soulmate connection and using it against you.

- The great thing about everyone having a physical link to you is that whenever you get hurt, it acts as an alarm system to the others. They won't get the injury themselves, but they'll feel a quick flash of pain similar to yours. Within seconds, you already have four people ready and willing to take care of you. In the beginning, this causes them to worry about you a lot, but as time goes on, they'll learn the difference between a minor injury and something to be concerned about.

- Upon learning that you run your own bakery, Jun is more than happy to help you out! Out of the four of them, she'll probably be there the most. Not only does she love spending time with you, but she's also great in the kitchen. She's a fast learner too, so she'll be quick to pick up on all of the recipes you show her.

- Lars will show up occasionally to lend a hand whenever he's free. Growing up, he and his mother cooked a lot together, so he knows tons of recipes and will happily teach you some if you decide to add new options to the menu.

- Don't worry about all of the bills and taxes that come with owning the place—G Corporation has got you covered. Will Kazuya do something illegal while handling all of this? Maybe, but it's fine. Only he has to know.

- Violet Systems will frequently send you new appliances to test out. Many of them are highly innovative and increase productivity by a long shot. Thanks to Lee and his fancy tech, you've been able to crank out cupcakes faster than you can say, "Hey, Hachi." 

- Speaking of which, he wanted to give you his Heihachi Combot machine to assist you with certain things, but after seeing Kazuya's reaction to it, he decided against it.

- In terms of helping you run the business, you could not have a better team to work with. Jun and Lars help come up with fun, creative ideas for new recipes, which is great for getting public attention and increasing revenue. Meanwhile, on the business side of things, Kazuya and Lee handle advertising, setting quotas, and upgrading whatever necessary to keep the shop running smoothly. Rest assured, your bakery is in good hands with these guys.

- You always offer to give them free discounts, but they always decline and pay the full price just because they want to support your business (Lee almost took the offer once, but one glare from Kazuya and he paid just like the rest of them).

- When they find out you're a Persona user, it serves as a massive shock to them. 

- When they noticed you started coming home later than usual, they knew something was up.

- When they asked you what you were doing, you told them you were working extra shifts at the bakery. None of them truly bought it though; something felt off to them. You were so tired and worn-out, barely being able to walk through the front door some nights, which worried them tremendously.

- Eventually, you told them the truth about what you were doing and why. When you were finished explaining, everyone was super confused. Stealing people's hearts? Some dimension in which desires are materialized? How is that even possible? Not only were they dumbfounded by your tale, but they weren't too sure how they felt about it. Jun, having experienced extraordinary happenings herself, was the only one who actually believed you. The other three were skeptical.

- Lee and Lars both looked at each other, thinking you'd hit your head somehow (which would've been impossible without anybody having felt something), and Kazuya refused to believe it unless he saw it himself.

- It was a dangerous place, but you knew deep down that they could handle themselves, so you told them you would take them eventually if they promised to be careful.

- They'll still be worried about you whenever you head to the Metaverse, but they're willing to support you in whatever way they can. They'll provide you with plenty of supplies, as well as some snacks to munch on and restore your energy with.

- Lee will see you crafting stuff and then will just casually hand you some random gadget, saying something along the lines of "Here, use this instead. It'll work much better."

- All of you train and fight together outside. Initially, everyone was worried about hurting you, but you've proved yourself more than capable of sparring with them.

- Afterwards, all of you will take turns treating each others' wounds. Bandaging, providing heating pads and ice packs, giving massages---everyone, especially you and Jun, will take their time to alleviate as much pain as possible.

- It's not often that cuddling occurs, but when it does, there's always a specific order to it. Kazuya sits in the middle, with you and Jun on either side of him. Lars always sits next to you, and Lee always sits on the other side of Jun. That way, the brothers have some space between each other, and you and Jun are safely nestled in between them.

- When it comes to who you sleep with, that also happens in a very specific manner. You guys have worked out a schedule to decide which person you sleep with on certain days of the week. The brothers hate sleeping in the same bed, so trying to get two of them to hold you while you sleep is going to take a lot of convincing.

- When it comes to bedroom activities, no threesomes, foursomes, or fivesomes are allowed. It's just you and one other person only. Kazuya, Lee, Lars, and Jun all want to keep things just between the two of you. They want to be intimate with you and you alone, without the presence of anyone else.

- You, Jun, and Lars trade off in the kitchen---you make breakfast, Jun makes lunch, and Lars makes dinner. Lee and Kazuya don't know too much about cooking, so they don't often make anything. They'll only try their hand at something if it's for a special occasion.

- Speaking of special occasions, expect those to be booming with vibrant roses and generous gifts. The three brothers (mainly Lee and Kazuya) will definitely try to one-up each other to see who can give you the best stuff, with Jun lecturing them about how thoughtfulness shouldn't be a contest. They understand that it's childish, but they just can't help themselves. Your happiness is the most important thing in the world to them, and they want to be the one to put a smile on your face.

- It's a chaotic relationship, especially at the start, but you guys make it work. Overall, they love you to bits and, although this relationship wasn't something they expected to be in, they wouldn't have it any other way.

[starwarsmum]

Onto day 11 of Maribat BioFamily September 😊 today's prompt is Hong Kong and we're looking at a different Batfam connection

@maribat-calendar-events

Cass stalked the older Chinese woman through the painting studio. She had recognised her instantly, a vague recollection from when she was eight of her father spending time with the woman. The woman had disappeared shortly after but Cass had never forgotten the kind smiles and occasional treat she had received.

Now that she was older and no longer working for her father, she was back in Hong Kong and working as Black Bat. And now that she knew just how twisted her father had been, she was very suspicious of the ‘kindly’ woman that he had most definitely had romantic entanglements with. 

So now, she was following the woman she had spotted at the market, wanting to make sure she wasn't there to cause harm in her city. There had been no suspicious activity - yet - and Cass was getting tired. She had been up since the previous morning, working her day job immediately followed by her night job.

That was probably why she missed the woman turning and spotting her. By the time she realised she'd been made, the woman was moving towards her with a look of determination, instantly putting Cass on edge. But she was trapped and didn't want to alert the woman to the fact that she was more than she appeared.

“Cassie? Is that you?” The woman said, sounding slightly stunned. Cass nodded cautiously, not sure how to explain why she had been staring at her otherwise. “My goodness, I can't believe how grown up you are! You might not remember me, my name is Sabine. I dated your father for a little while, it must have been fifteen years ago now.”

“...I remember.” Cass hated how slow her speech was, not wanting to appear weak when she didn't know what this woman, Sabine, knew about her. But by the wide eyed look she received, Sabine hadn't been expecting her to talk at all. She cursed herself for not keeping the information to herself when she was unsure.

“You aren't mute anymore?” Sabine said, wonder and happiness lacing her tone. “That's wonderful! Did Davi- did your father finally take you to a specialist? He was always so against the idea, but I'm so relieved he saw sense.”

“I have a new family,” Cass said, relaxing at last. Now that Sabine had mentioned her father, Cass was confident that she was no threat. Her body language reading skills had only improved as she aged and she could see the older woman was merely someone her father had passed time with. “They have taught me many things, and care for me as my father did not.”

“I'm so sorry, Cassie, I didn't- I shouldn't have left you with him. But I was just some woman your father dated and I was young and then when Marinette-” Sabine froze and stopped talking abruptly. Cass forced herself to breathe normally but she wanted to know who this Marinette was. Was it an accomplice of her father's? Someone she should be worried about now?

“I do not blame you,” Cass said, giving Sabine a small smile that relaxed the woman's shoulders incrementally. “Nor do I blame this Marinette, although father never mentioned them. I am not in contact with him anymore,” she added, hoping that it would make Sabine more likely to talk. It paid off when Sabine completely relaxed again, giving a light laugh.

“No, your father wouldn't have mentioned her as I never told him she existed,” Sabine said, glancing at the watch on her wrist. “But if you would like, I could introduce you to her. I'm supposed to be meeting her any minute now, for brunch.”

Although Cass was tired, she needed to know whether this person was a threat, so she nodded and trailed along after Sabine to a fairly popular cafe. There were a number of people around, a pair of older women speaking loudly, a large man with a teenager laughing, a group of uptight businessmen, having a serious conversation…

Cass wasn't sure what to think when the large man looked over to them and waved, but approved of the way the teenager gave her an appraising look. There was a sharp intelligence in the kid's eyes and Cass approached the table with Sabine. Sabine said something in rapid fire French that Cass didn't have a hope of following.

When the large man stood abruptly and moved to grab her, Cass immediately ducked out of the way. The teen pulled the large man back, surprisingly strong for someone so small. She said something in French, and the man looked chastened. Cass straightened out of her slight crouch when the teen turned back to her, changing to Mandarin.

“Hi, I'm sorry about my dad,” the girl said, smiling ruefully. “He was just excited to meet you. Mum told us about you when I was younger so when she explained who you were…well, anyway, I'm sorry. I'm Marinette!”

“Hello,” Cass said, growing more confused. Why were these people being so friendly to someone they'd never met? And why had Sabine told what was obviously her family about Cass? Marinette got a funny look on her face before she turned back to Sabine.

“Maman, did you tell Cass who we are?” Marinette said, rolling her eyes when her mother said that she hadn't. “Not everyone likes surprises, Maman. Let's start again: hi, I'm Marinette, your half-sister. My dad, Tom, is technically my step-dad even though he raised me.”

“Sister?” Cass felt like she had stepped into another universe. She had a sister? One who had apparently escaped the life their father had forced Cass into and had two loving parents. Her tired brain decided it was too much information right then, so she simply nodded and joined the family for the meal.

[return-to-twisted-wonderland]

🔆anon

(Alright. This should be the last in my little series. Unless I come up with more ideas which is likely. I like writing angst. Hope it’s fun to read!)

— —

Blame. A funny word. An unfunny concept. Who gets it? How does one know? Usually, everyone has their own concept of blame, especially those who were hurt.

What if those who were hurt blame themselves? Say all the hurt is their fault?

That might differ.

—

Dusk stood in the middle of his trashed room. Objects were thrown from here to there. Papers and fabrics were ripped. Even the mattress was off his bed. He did all of this in no time. He did all of this because he’s a monster who can’t control his anger. He snaps at anyone who gets too close, and before he knows what he’s doing, something is broken or something is hurt. All of this because he can’t forgive a grieving man or let himself understand how his mere existence harmed the brothers he loves beyond his comprehension.

Why is Dusk like this? Why can’t he stop himself? Why can’t he make up for causing so many problems?

—

Domino turned off all of the lights in his room and found the darkest corner to cry in. He shouldn’t even be allowed to cry. He had everything handed to him, and in having that, he ripped it away from so many others. He bounce from his biological family that gave him pure love, to his adoptive family who loved him as well but had practically infinite money. And the second he lost his adoptive parents, he was thrust back to his biological family, as if he should have everything.

Meanwhile people were struggling. His biological family was struggling while he loved a comfortable life. People were in need while Domino got to inherit money just because he was lucky enough to be adopted.

Why can’t Domino stop causing pain for others? He should suffer for once too. He shouldn’t be allowed to cry.

—

Canis hid under his blanket and he clung to his stuffed animal. Everything in his life had become scary. He didn’t know what people were doing or why. He only knew people who looked at him seemed worried and sad.

Why were they sad? Did he do something? What did he do wrong? He’ll apologize! He’s sorry!

Canis even made sure to pick up all his toys and put them away, even if he almost cried touching some of them. Especially the ones Papi gave him. He could only see Papi getting mad at Birdie and having to be forced away from him.

Why was Papi mad? Was it because of him too? He’s sorry! Canis is sorry!

—

Kit drug herself out of bed, opened her drawer, and fished out those stupid drawings. She started to cry again, ruining the paper with even more teardrops. Teardrops that she should probably be shedding more of based on the pain she’s been causing.

She was given all all Fellow could get while he took care of her despite being a child himself. He even starved some nights on the street so she could eat enough. She then fell sick and he alone had to scrounge up money and food. Even worse she disappeared, and in doing so, left their stuff unattended to be robbed and Fellow unattended to be pushed down a horrible path.

Now she’s back and they accept her as if nothing has changed. She hasn’t been her for ten years. She hasn’t been here to help her elder brother at all. She hasn’t been here to see any of Gidel’s life or what he shares with Fellow.

She just takes from everyone and leaves them to suffer. She’s absolutely horrible.

—

Toryn sits on his bed, just letting his mind wander as he feels he feels disconnected from everything. He is an outsider in all sense of the word. He was shoved into a world he had no business being in, only to be given the grace of kind souls who called themselves his family. A family he didn’t deserve. Yet he was still an outsider, needing to still be underwater and seeing their world through a pane of glass.

Now he’s back in the world he was originally from. Yet a world he wasn’t in for seventeen years. He might be able to be with others but he can’t interact. No one wants a sharp fanged and clawed being to suddenly insert themselves into your life. People her just think he’s dangerous, though he never wants to hurt anyone. He’s shoved away.

Staying in any place would just be Toryn shoving himself down someone’s throat. It already hurts to do that. He shouldn’t impose more than the cruelty him existing is already doing.

—

Blame. A thought often misplaced by those who have been hurt.

Lilia doesn't hesitate to comfort Dusk, even if his son pushes him away, he'll still be there for him. It's the least he can do to make up for everything's he's done.

Deuce isn't the brightest, but he'll always be there for his brother. He doesn't want him going into a dark place with him around, Deuce can't lose him again.

Vargas wastes no time in scooping up Canis and holding his son close to him. He soothes his cry and hums as he rocks the wolf cub.

Gidel finds Kit and rushes off to grab Fellow, he drags the fox beastman to her to which he pushes them together and climbs in the middle of them. Gidel can't speak, but he's determined to keep his family together and comfort them as well.

Floyd's the one whose the most in touch with emotions. So once he spots Toryn sitting on his bed, he leaves to grab Jade. They return and wrap Toryn up in the tightest hug they can manage. They're not letting their brother go anytime soon.

[karmanun]

For @arcanefans4gaza, prompt from @punkflavoreddyke

Rating: General Audiences

Relationships: Caitlyn/Vi

Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Patching Up Wounds, Minor Injury, Modern AU, Gyms, Domestic Fluff, Tooth-Rotting Fluff

Summary:

Cait pushes herself too far. Vi, as she does, frets.

The sun is still barely peeking between Piltover’s high-rises when Vi shoulders the apartment door open. “Stupid,” she growls. The shaggy, umber Saint Bernard lounging on the couch lifts his head curiously, probably wondering why they’re back early. Vi gives him an absentminded scratch on the ears - “hi, Warwick” - as she leads Caitlyn into the bathroom.

“I was not being stupid,” Cait argues, perching on the rim of the tub. “I was perfectly within my normal weight range.”

Vi roots around in the cabinet above the sink for a first aid kit. “That doesn’t matter! You were still straining yourself.” She disappears into the kitchen after retrieving the red box but continues her lecture from the other room. “Rest days are just as important as the rest of the routine!”

Cait neglects to shout but waits until Vi returns, ice pack in hand. She shifts to allow her partner to press it to the strained muscle in her shoulder, then grumbles, “I’m taking my rest days. Just because you’re the fitness nerd doesn’t mean I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“Maybe you’re resting from the gym,” Vi scolds, “but you’ve also been working until ungodly hours of the morning every day this week, running across every corner of the damn city! This case is pushing you to your limits here - “ she taps Cait’s uninjured shoulder to indicate her body “ - and here.” She taps her temple. Exasperated as she is, she’s equally concerned, and can’t keep herself from gently tucking a strand of blue hair behind her ear. “Your body keeps the score, Cait.”

“I know, but - “ Cait struggles for a protest, then relents with a sigh. “I know.”

Vi keeps the ice pack held to her wife’s shoulder and rubs her back with her free hand. “I hate that this ‘C’ person always manages to get under your skin like this,” she murmurs.

“We still don’t even know who they are,” Cait growls. “Or even if they’re one person and not a group! They can’t evade me forever!” She throws her hands out in frustration, then winces and hisses through her teeth when her injured shoulder objects.

“Hey hey, steady now.”

Vi hates seeing Caitlyn like this. The injury is obviously part of it, but most of she hates that it got to this point at all - that her beloved wife is so stressed out it got to the point of actual pain. As a matter of fact, her scolding is hardly even about the wound. It’s because even though Caitlyn has been in this line of work for long enough that she knows full well where her limits are, she still pushes past them out of - what? The feeling that she’s constantly on the cusp of a break in the case? A sense of obligation to the force, to Vi, or herself? Spite? Caitlyn’s pretty face and professional mannerisms frequently cause people to underestimate her capacity for spite.

It burns Vi up inside that the drive and determination in Caitlyn she loves so much can recoil on her in such a way as to physically harm her. She wishes she could reach inside of her and untangle that gnarly thread so she can find her path again. Or failing that, wrap her in a protective cocoon until she personally tracks down ‘C’ and throws them in a hole so dark Caitlyn will never have to think about them again.

Instead, she resumes petting her uninjured shoulder and says, “okay, here’s what’s going to happen: you’re going to call in a sick day and let this heal. And I mean resting - no working from home allowed.”

Cait blanches. “What? I can’t take off now! That’s just asking for C to get ahead!”

“I’m not worried that you can’t keep up with C,” Vi replies. “I’m worried you can’t keep up with yourself.”

Cait clenches her jaw… then releases it. “Maybe you’re right.”

“I’m always right,” Vi answers cheekily.

“Says the one who blocks with her face,” Cait shoots back, a little smirk tugging at the corner of her mouth.

“Aw, c’mon,” teases Vi, “you don’t think your big, strong deputy can handle things for a day?” She flexes, a silly pose that has Caitlyn giggling. Her smile widens, both relieved to see her wife relaxed again proud of winning her over (she doesn’t miss Cait’s blush as her eyes flick to her toned arms, either).

Vi does, however, feel a little guilty as scolding her earlier. So she says, “I’m sorry if I was too hard on you. I know you know what you’re doing.”

“Don’t be,” Caitlyn responds immediately. “Expertise doesn’t stop you from being in over your head sometimes.”

“Well, you’re certainly an expert,” Vi says, her tone creeping towards flirtatious, “in the field and the gym.” To punctuate, she gives Cait’s bicep a squeeze.

Caitlyn smacks her hand playfully, in the same motion taking the cold pack from her. “Well, my big, strong deputy, don’t you think you had better get going?”

Vi frowns. “But it’s only - “ She checks her watch and her face falls so quickly Cait bursts out laughing. She swears and hurries out of the bathroom. By the time she’s changed into her uniform Cait has relocated to the couch, where she’s stroking Warwick’s fur.

“Ice for twenty minutes every two hours,” Vi calls as she fumbles with the wrapper of a protein bar. “And no - “

“No working from home,” her wife finishes. “Believe it or not I am capable of taking days off.”

“Good. Because if I come back to find you hunched over a desk - uh - well, you wouldn’t like it.”

She leans over to give Cait a final (still slightly sweaty) kiss. “Rest up. I’ll be back soon.”

[anothersarcasticdolphin]

A refinement of my thoughts on a second Aemond 5+1 series:

So as much as I want to write Daemon's bastard daughter Daenys killing Aemond, I'm going to bump those two ideas from the series. They may get written as separate one-shots, but I want to keep the series as a whole consistent and not have a random OC showing up and then disappearing.

Also I kind of want to try and do each chapter across the series in a different POV.

1. Aemond's eye gets infected after Driftmark and he dies. 'Mournful song' I think this would be a one-shot from Alicent's POV. Which on the one hand I find very intimidating - because it would have to be centered around her worry and her gradual mix of denial and panic, where she is almost lying to herself.

2. Training accident with Ser Crispy (morningstars are dangerous) Title TBD. Or it might just be 'Morning(star).' I think this would be a two shot - with Ser Crispy and Aegon each narrating their very different accounts what would basically be the same events. I also think Alicent's POV would be great here, but I want her POV for the first story and I think Aegon could be very interesting as well.

3. Daemon pulls a Laertes during sparing practice. Title TBD. This would also probably be a two shot. Daemon and Rhaenyra would be the two POV characters, and this would Daemon in all his wrathful bastardly glory. He's going to be in love with Rhaenyra. But he's not going to be a good person.

4. Rhaenys uses blood magic to make Aemond kill himself [she's less theatrical than Daemon though] so Rhaena can have Vhagar 'Stolen (back)' This would be a one shot with Rhaenys as the POV character. And I think poor Vhagar may end up being rather instrumental in it all (in more ways than as just motivation), but that's by no means set in stone.

5. The Blacks show up after they find out what's happened to Luke and make what Dany did to KL look like a light breeze. 'Ashen wings.' This would probably be four chapters, and I want to model them after the four horsemen of the apocalypse. Baela as the Conquorer, Jace as War, [TBD as Famine], and Rhaena as Death. Jace is the most wrathful one, Baela vengeful but not quite as much as Jace, and Rhaena with a more detached perspective because she would be almost an outside POV as she wouldn't be in the actual attack on KL (at least at first). Also I want to get the line 'The best defense is a good offence' from Daemon in some form at some point.

So for Famine - Joffrey feels too young. I'm almost tempted to have Corlys be Famine given House Velaryon's control over trade in the Dragonstone/Driftmark/King's Landing area. Also Rhaena could be Famine and then I would have Helaena as Death. But I'm slightly terrified to try and write Helaena's POV.

+1. Aemond hates Aegon's guts for the pig incident and runs off to the Free Cities instead of doing his part for Team Green. 'The tree remembers.' This would be a one shot from Aemond's POV. Helaena is very an important character here. This one may end up being an au where Aegon didn't show up to his own wedding so Aemond married Helaena in his place - if so she and their kids are coming with Aemond.

-------

Ideas that are being relegated to independent one shots:

Aemond sides with Rhaenyra out of pure spite cause he hates Aegon's guts. This would be kind of cracky.

One of Daemon's less savory 'friends' gets Aemond while he is searching for Aegon. This would be an aftermath fic where the Blacks are on Dragonstone having been presented with the sapphire and are trying to figure out what to do.

OC [Daemon's bastard] kills him over Storm's End. 'A fell voice in the air.' We never got to see how scary Daenys could be in Four Dragons. This would probably be looking at three chapters - Daenys, Aemond, Daemon?. Also Storm's End is likely to be harmed in the making of this fic.

Daemon [+/- OC?] flies around burning stuff and gets the drop on Aemond. 'Hunter (Hunted)' The other candidate for the line 'the best defense is a good offense.'

Any thoughts?

[vigilante-chaos]

Footsteps.

Who could it be?

"Darkheart," he recognized that voice instantly. It was her.

He whipped around, a look of hatred on his face. His teeth were bared, his scales were sticking out, & the runes that were orbiting his hat were increasing in speed. A low hiss emerged from his throat.

She looked equally as upset, equally as mad. Her face had a look of disgust on it, her feathers were ruffled, & her eyes were glowing more then usual, her stare was piercing.

They were having a stare down, there was a good 8 feet of distance between them- but it wasn't long before that distance closed. Both of them were radiating hatred for one another.

Illumina took a single step forward, causing Darkheart to tense up & scramble back a little. If he had learned anything from their previous encounters, she was going to get violent fast.

Illumina spoke once more, her voice filled with distaste. "So, tell me. Why is it that so many....strange individuals are challenging me? Questioning me?"

"Maybe because you're a lying cunt." He spat, words dripping with venom. Venom which he no longer had, that would have probably come in handy now. He still had his fangs atleast.

Illumina huffed, taking another step forward. She positioned her hands in a way as if she was going to summon her gear- alarming Darkheart. He positioned his hands to summon his own if she did do so.

"Am I? Or are you just misguided?" She was getting angrier. He could hear it. He could see it. She took yet another step forward.

"Misguided?" He laughed, a hiss still in his voice. "Then why do you try to silence us? Would you really try to silence someone that's misguided, or would you try to correct them?" He was mocking her. He was mocking her methods.

"Tell us, would yo-"

"SILENCE." She cut him off before he could even really start, summoning her gear. Her voice was filled with anger.

Darkheart summoned his own gear, it's cursed blade humming with magic. He twirled it around a little- it had been awhile since he actually used it. His skills had gotten rusty.

She took another step forward, pointing the end of her blade out towards him. Pointing it at his throat.

"Did I say you could speak? Do you ever listen? Do you ever THINK?" Her anger was rising, causing Darkheart to back up. "TELL ME, DO YOU THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU DO, WHAT YOU'VE DONE?"

"What WE'VE done?!" He hissed, raising his voice. "WHAT ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE DONE. WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO US-"

She lunged at him, catching him off guard. She knocked him onto the ground, cutting him on the cheek. Blood dribbled out from the fresh wound.

He hissed, grabbing her. Fuck using his sword- not like he was good at using it anyways.

She yelped, falling onto the ground aswell. She flapped her wing & thrashed, elbowing him in the face.

The two of them started rolling around & fighting on the ground- Illumina had also discarded her sword. It was hand to hand.

They had to be careful where to land & where to go- as the area they were fighting on was rather small. It was a small concrete platform with two concrete supports, it was right under one of the bridges in Crossroads, the bridge to Blackrock.

Illumina used her one remaining wing as a way to shield herself, only for many of it's feathers to be ripped out. It was doing her more harm then good.

Darkheart seemed to be darting around, ducking under her & swiping at her. He had the advantage here- he had claws & sharp scales, & better knowledge of the area.

He seemed to be winning until Illumina grabbed the remains of his wing, using it to pull him towards her. He yelped in pain, stumbling back a little. He was right on the edge.

Illumina then kicked him right off, panting. She backed up after he hit the water- the splash large enough to soak her.

She didn't want to loose. She couldn't loose.

Yet she almost did.

So- she left. Took that opportunity to grab her gear & disappear in a blink. Not even giving Darkheart the opportunity to climb out of the water.

[puppy--jam]

Eclipsa SVTFOE analysis/headcanon

Remember, these are only my thoughts and opinion.

When I watched the series for the first time, I had no feelings, positive or negative, towards this character.

Now it's the same, but the scales are tipping towards the negative side. Why? That Eclipsa could have been Glossaryck's pawn. Let us remember that she was (actually is) the only person who did not question Glossaryca's teachings.

The negative side of Eclipsa:

- Dark art. I don't mean any spells like spider web (I don't want to google its name), but more something like darkest spell.

The fact that she drew the source of her spells from black magic is nothing, especially since some spells did not cause any harm, but a total annihilation spell or darkest spell was like using avada kedavra.

- Desecration of corpses. The episode where Eclipsa made herself a guitar out of bones. Someone's bones (I'm not sure, I follow the script). Yes, this guitar looks cool, but that doesn't change the fact that it is (could be) someone's corpse.

It would be different if they were just false bones. Then okay. Eclipsa didn't say, hey, those aren't real bones, but it's just cool. This suggests (at least to me) that Eclipsa made her guitar from someone else's corpse.

- Resettlement (I hope I'm using the right term). Okay, it's a good initiative for those (monsters) who lost their houses/grouds to get them back. But what about the displaced people? They should get some other ground in return. But no, Eclipsa was like: Fuck you mewmen, get lost.

My theory (or even headcanon):

Eclipsa became Glosaryck's ideal student, which means she followed the path of chaos. Her behavior is an example of this:

- obsession with sweets (although Solaria may have been the cause)

- acting on different fronts (once together with the mewmen, once on the side of the monsters, until I don't care)

- Black Velvet Inferno spell (this will be a longer statement about how she wanted to get her family back and how she also regained her throne)

This made me wonder. I wanted to find some meaning in this spell. Overall, this spell resembles the darkest spell because from the picture below it looks as if it was supposed to completely destroy the victim.

So why didn't Eclipsa use the darkest spell?

Indeed, Black Velvet Inferno is black magic. Instead of destroying the target, it erases all of their previous memories and returns them to the beginning of their life. But! This was probably not his original goal. I think Eclipsa created this spell 'quickly' and wasn't entirely sure of its effects. Why did she do it? Simple answer. She didn't want to kill her child.

This is her reaction when the Meteora 'disappeared':

She probably didn't expect the effect that Meteora would disappear (she thought so because she hadn't seen or heard her yet).

We don't know what her face is when she says this. She's probably sad about what she did, but still hopes that Meteora could have survived it (since the intent of the spell wasn't to kill).

And now… Eclipsa's plan (right after being released from the crystal) was as follows: find her daughter, free her husband. And that's it. Eclipsa had not considered returning to the throne, so she was surprised when the star gave her her wand and throne. (She is surprised by this fact.)

And then it turns out that Meteora is alive. Of course, Eclipsa as a mother is happy about this fact, but she is also happy because her spell worked.

In contrast, Star, who is shocked (and Eclipsa only happy):

Eclipsa wasn't shocked at all when she took Meteora into her arms. I believe this was her plan, which is why she wasn't surprised to see her baby alive. And then she could move on to the second stage of her plan, i.e. freeing Globgor. And the wand (and throne) were a nice addition she got.

How this Glossaryck pissed me off. I've been trying to tell you about this (that Eclipsa wants to free Globgor) for several months. Damn, if you said it normally, everyone would understand! And here's another thing. No one knew what Globgor meant (as Glossaryck repeated it over and over). However, Eclipsa knew (because he was her husband), but did she tell about it when she met Star in the garden. NO. Why? Maybe this was part of her plan? Or is it the result of Glossaryck's teaching?

To summarize: Eclipsa generally has good intentions, caring for her family (and later defending her subordinates), but she achieves this in a not-so-good way.

[rob1ns]

lalala

below is just me ranting about Pinwheel ^^

He never gets used to that.

Anyways so Pinwheel

*takes deep breath*

First off, she pops up in Bludhaven and starts declaring herself the newest and bestest super villain (so much better than the Joker) and just starts causing mass chaos and destruction. Although she doesn't purposefully hurt people. And she's often stopped a scheme if it involved someone getting hurt. That being said. She's a lot. Very show offy, she's going to leave glitter and paint *everywhere*. It's all about the show for her. She takes bows before disappearing.

She's down for a fight. If you can catch her. She's bouncing around everywhere and avoiding each attempt at being hit. Then BAM pie in your face and she's gone.

She listens to a lot of Baby Bugs.

Pin once tried to kill the Joker, but stopped when she realized he was enjoying it too much. No, she needed to go further than that. She needed to be better than him, a better villain, that would destroy him in the way she was seeking.

So at 15 she starts terrorizing Nightwing on the daily.

Eventually she just worms her way into the batfamily after Dick convinces her to give up on getting back at her father and just. Live her own life for herself.

She's still a gremlin. No one has ever seen her out of costume, and no one has any idea who her mom is. Everyone assumes Harley, but Pinwheel denies it every time.

Pops rocks in her mouth like candy and has bitten into a light bulb like it was an apple and didn't flinch. Bruce and Alfred spent hours studying Pica and how to help/get her alternatives that *didn't* cause bodily harm.

Always moving, whether it's bouncing in place or climbing the walls. Loves spinning and hanging upside down.

She's a ball of energy and excitement. You'd never be bored around her.

Very light sleeper. Night owl.

Won't talk about her past whatsoever. Has literally ignored questions about it like she doesn't even hear them.

Loves old cartoons, if you want to distract her just turn one on or ask her about it.

That's all I have for now, I'll probably add more to this later ☆

[astr0disiac]

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 10: ꜰᴏᴏʟ ᴍᴇ ᴏɴᴄᴇ

☆ꜱʏɴᴏᴘꜱɪꜱ:

Tiana feels as though she deserves the suffering she's endured over the past five years after the tragic loss of her husband, Naveen. But Nanami wants to prove that she is capable of giving and receiving love again.

But even the sweetest of kisses can't heal the sourest of wounds.

An office-work romance like no other, filled with love, loss, and betrayal from those Tiana thought she could trust the most.

☆ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ: 15,132

☆ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢ: implied/referenced suicide [mild], implied/referenced self-harm [mild], implied/referenced miscarriage, angst, slow burn

☆ᴍʏ ꜱɪɴᴄᴇʀᴇꜱᴛ ᴀᴘᴏʟᴏɢɪᴇꜱ ꜰᴏʀ ᴀɴʏ ᴍɪꜱꜱᴘᴇʟʟɪɴɢꜱ ᴏʀ ɢʀᴀᴍᴍᴀᴛɪᴄᴀʟ ᴇʀʀᴏʀꜱ☆

“Tiana…” Nanami's voice is tight while trying to retain his usual mellow attitude. He doesn’t want to panic, because that would cause Tiana to panic, which would in turn send them sliding off the side of the mountain at a snail’s pace of ten miles an hour. Despite driving so slow, she skidded and swerved too close for comfort to the road railings, knuckles ashen and arms bone straight as they extended in front of her. Teeth gritted with squinted eyes in an attempt to duck the scenery before her. The 60 minute drive had turned into almost five hours based on the map app because of their current pace, and quite a few cars blare their horns wildly before skirting around the slow vehicle in a hurry, replanting the seed of fear Nanami had tried so hard to help uproot.

“Tiana, I need you to relax a bit.”

Tiana’s breath began to shallow despite Nanami’s kind words of encouragement. They didn’t aid her not one bit.

“I am relaxed.” Tiana said through gritted teeth, another angry driver driving past them so fast that it seemed to be on two wheels. “I am.” She said, more so for herself.

“Tiana…” Nanami said in a more coaxing tone. They went around the bend, the railings disappearing and morphing into a clearing of thick, white snow that dipped and swelled into valleys, rising into distant moments that crossed and tangled like human thighs.

“I’m relaxed!” Tiana yelped, straightening her back against the seat. Nanami’s mouth snapped tight, swallowing in the silence.

“I am relaxed.” She said breathlessly. “I got it. I can do it.”

“I know you can.” Nanami cautiously spoke. “You don’t have to prove anything to me-”

“This isn’t for you-!”

The tires skid across an iced spot on the road, tires scorching against the crunchy gravel at an acute angle. But because of the speed, the car slid off the road slightly, the back tire on the passenger side dipping into the slush. Panicked yelps emit from the two, almost indistinguishable from the other as the car comes to a stop, Tiana’s foot almost through the car floor as she jammed her floor into the break. As the car comes to a stop, Tiana throws her head forward in fear, her breathing quickening along with the low thrum of the vehicle, the engine purring in a mocking way as her body vibrates.

“I’m sorry.” She broke out in a tight gasp, the leather squeaking under her grasp. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m-”

“Tiana, it's okay.” Nanami’s voice punctured through in sighed reassurance, but she continued to apologize. Though he wanted to hold her, he wasn’t sure if it was an appropriate time. He didn’t want to spearhead her into more panic. She probably needed a moment.

So Nanami was surprised when she grasped him so tightly.

One hand digging into his skin despite having on such a thick sweater, and the other cradling his head as if to shield him from something he couldn’t see, or from something that could have happened.

“I pushed you too hard.” He muttered, returning the hug as he buried his nose into her neck. “I’m sorry.”

Tiana didn’t respond, just trembled harder as her hands tangled into his hair.

After a longing embrace and the driver behind them nice enough to check to see if they were okay, Tiana finally gathered her bearings enough to switch sides with Nanami. Nanami was thrown off by her expression as they traded seats, while she lacked tears she wore such a daunting expression. Nanami, once maneuvering back on the road, drove carefully down the road, taking the last event as some sort of warning.

There’s no rush, Nanami thought. We can take our time.

“I’m sorry.” Tiana voiced her sorrows again, curled up in the passenger seat and staring at the window while hiding her mouth behind a balled fist. Nanami shook his head.

“Stop apologizing. That wasn’t your fault.”

“I shouldn’t have said that.” She gives him a look of dejection before gazing back out the window. “I shouldn’t have yelled like that.”

The air within the car is still.

“I shouldn’t have yelled at you.”

“You were under pressure-” Nanami brushed the comment off. His feelings weren’t bruised at all by her sudden agitation, that was evident. But his heart ached every time Tiana was unnecessarily hard on herself.

“That’s not an excuse.” Tiana cut in again. Lashing out at the person who had extended so much grace and patience to her ate at her insides, but she swallowed her irritation down with each gulp of air she took to evaporate her tears. This was supposed to be a happy trip. A trip she had yearned so long for. 

A do over from last time.

“I want them to know that I’m okay.” Tiana’s voice is soft as she speaks about a group of people Nanami isn’t necessarily familiar with, but he gets the general picture because of its relatability alone.

“I want you to know that I’m okay.” She turns back to him, water swelling at the corner of her eyes. “I want to know that I’m okay.”

Nanami can’t look at her for long, though he does every so often, having to tear his gaze away from her to avoid any mishaps. He removes a hand from the steering wheel, finding Tiana’s hand that was curled into a tight ball, slowly inching his fingers into the hollows of her hands.

He wished he could look at her when he said this. Just to make sure doubt didn’t hide in the shadows of her eyes.

“We all know you’re doing your best.” Nanami words seem to massage a knot in the lump of flesh residing between her ears. “We know you’re okay. You’re more than okay. We just want you to know that for yourself.”

Tiana stifles something in the back of her throat, tucking her chin into her knees as she whips back to the window, a glittering tear falling onto her knee.

She releases a shaky breath, releasing her inhibitions, and in turn inhales the artistic scenery before her. Glimmering clouds close enough to lay her sorrows. Mountain tops so sharp it’d put her kitchen blades to shame. Brightened snow as it reflected the sun's rays back to the heavens.

She wasn’t going to smear this moment a second time. She wasn’t going to tarnish this chance. She will prevail, even if she had to army crawl to a summit this beautiful to succeed.

“I’ll drive back.” She mutters, swiping at her nose. “I’ll be ready then.”

Nanami just smiles, shaking their hands with encouragement. Pride surges through him, his fingers drumming on the back of her rich skin.

“That’s my girl.”

Tiana’s confidence seemed to spike while skiing, especially when she moved up to a slightly taller slope than last time. Gliding through the snow a lot smoother, eating that same slush through her nose a lot less. Nanami found himself holding Tiana up a lot more than he needed to, and Tiana’s beaming smile could have melted the snowy side of the mountain. The lingering touches around her waist, on the small of her back, and on the base of her wrist; his fingertips seemed to itch to touch her bare skin. The gentle words gliding past his pink lips that often caused Tiana to swerve while being attacked with a fit of giggles. Nanami’s low laugh induced by her own, weighing in the pit of her stomach to anchor her to the earth so she wouldn't float away. And on the snow lift, the warmth brewing between them as they pressed side to side could have started a flame, and maybe it did. Because slowly but surely, Tiana found herself slowly being engulfed by a fiery presence. A feeling she thought had died and fizzled out with her first love. An emotion she believed was doused in that same water grave.

But there it was. At first the same brilliance as a flickering candle flame, but now seemingly taking on the form as the sun, the giant ball of light casting eerie shadows across the tall mounds of frosted trees as it set. Tiana and Nanami weaved through the structures, playing a strange game of cat and mouse as they chased each other through the snow, their footsteps crunching with delight as shrill laughter echoes off the mountain sides. For a moment, with the glittering moon puncturing the night, the laughter grows quiet. Tiana ducks around, grappling frosted branches, listening in the still night. Nanami had disappeared in the shadows.

“Nanami?” Tiana called, the sound of her boots sloshing into the ground responding to her. Tiana could hear the voices of people a bit further down and the sound of someone gliding across the ever-stretching bed of white. But not once did she hear Nanami. Not a single footstep, not a whisper of breath; he seemed to have disappeared into the cold brush. Even when Tiana turned her reddened nose up to the cold sky, she couldn’t even get a whiff of his cologne.

“Kento?” She could sense him. She could feel his eyes prying into her from the dark, but she just couldn’t pinpoint where. A shadow flits in the peripheral vision of her left side, and she whips around to expect Nanami there, but is instead met with a looming pile of snow. The same quick movement to her right, yet when she turns around she’s staring into a dimming path. She looks down and see’s footsteps heading in that direction, but they stop abruptly a few paces ahead of her. The hairs on the back of her neck spring up.

“Ken?”

A pair of arms lasso around her waist from behind, a terrifying shriek ripping her vocal chords as she’s lifted and spun around in the dark. But her flailing arms and legs tuck in when she feels that familiar thrum on her back and that mellow laugh in her ear that was always paired with it. Her scream melded into a roaring laugh, her head falling back on Nanami’s shoulder to reveal all her teeth.

After another turn, Nanami slowly places Tiana back into the snow with a soft crunch, his arms still around her, and her hands on top of his. Her head still on his shoulder, she stares up at him as he looks down at her. Tiana’s infectious giggles got caught in her throat. Neither moved nor breathed. Even the earth held its breath in anticipation. The wind was still.

All they could do was stare at each other and let their eyes talk. A million conversations being had at once every time their eyes flitted. But one thing was very loud and clear, though neither had the courage to voice it despite the intensity the feeling brought.

I need you.

The feeling was much past wanting. It was a craving, an innate desire. That tug had morphed into a full on yank. Yet still…

“It’s getting late.” Nanami's voice was subdued, and it pulled Tiana out of her trance.

“I-It is…” Tiana waned like the moon.

“Do you want to start heading back?”

“Back home?” Her voice almost shattered.

“Or we can stay the night?” 

His voice was low, the offer as tantalizing as a deal with the devil. Nanami knew that Tiana wouldn’t have enough courage to ask, and he didn’t have the right to make the decisions for them. So he gave her the power to choose, and pleaded to the heaven’s above that she would say yes. He didn’t want to be without her tonight

But why was she hesitating so much? Was he pushing her too far? Nanami could see the gears in Tiana’s mind shift and shiver as she chewed on her response.

“Don’t think too hard.” Nanami encourages her. “What do you want to do?”

Stay because you want to, not because I asked.

“Be honest.” He whispers.

I don’t want this night to end, Tiana thought. I don’t want to go.

She wanted to drown in this feeling. So she tilted her head, a mousy smile on her lips as she recalled a line from the last time they danced this dance, except the temp had changed ever so slightly.

“The fun doesn’t have to end here.”

Tiana seemed to be swept away by deja vu. Traveling from store to store for some apparel. Snacking at different food stalls with eyes bigger than their stomachs. Walking hand and hand down the icy sidewalks to brace each other incase either of them took a tumble. Laughter had become a recurring melody. Maybe because Tiana was so jittery, and she couldn’t help but ramble, and Nanami couldn’t help but listen and laugh at her shyness. Tiana was just grateful that her initial fear the first time they visited had dissipated into that “something else” that she had been avoiding.

Nanami drove them to a grocery store, Tiana declaring that snacks were needed for the night despite the two having full bellies. She scooped boxes and bags of items in the shopping cart, Nanami taking note of the box of hot chocolate tumbling with the other items. Next, they found themselves in the spirits aisle to Nanami’s surprise. His almond eyes squinted, eying the glass bottles with a scowl as he recalled Tiana’s last encounter with alcohol.

“You wanted something from here?” Nanami sounded suspicious as Tiana rubbed her chin, turning one of the glass bottles around.

“I wanted the amaretto mix. I don’t know, it just feels like a special occasion.” Tiana said as she tapped her nails rhythmically on a dark bottle. “But I can’t seem to find it here. So I was thinking I’d make us some peppermint patties.”

Nanami raised a brow. “Peppermint patties?”

“Yeah.” Tiana’s voice filled with nostalgia. “My Ma and Pa used to drink it all the time. Spiked hot chocolate, basically.”

Tiana trailed down the aisle, reminiscing about her childhood.

“My ma would ban me from the kitchen when she made these for the adults, but I would peek around the kitchen and watch.” She tapped her temple with her pointer finger. “I can still recall the exact amount of everything she poured. No recipe is lost on me, even though I’m a little rusty.” She laughs lightly. “But one night, I took a sip from my daddy’s cup when he wasn’t around. Tasted awful. Absolutely rancid.”

Nanami laughs and Tiana comes to a halt, her face scrunched in distaste. She shakes her head almost shamefully as she recalls the taste.

“But I’ve changed…” Tiana says a bit somberly. “I guess I want to see if my palette has changed too.”

Tiana avoided cooking like the plague when her mother died. That had been the final straw for her, especially when Naveen had passed not too long before. She could only stare at the cooking equipment with empty eyes and an even emptier heart. It was as if her mother’s spirit haunted the items, and even grazing the pots and pans her mother once owned would send a wave of sorrow that she couldn’t bear to face. Touching her items was proof that she really was all alone.

But ever since she’s arrived, it has been a bit easier, especially when Nanami was around to watch or help her as of late. Her mother’s spirit guided her, helping to polish off the rust and rebuild those kitchen callouses. She could hear mother’s voice whispering when she was about to use too much of a specific spice, or her mother’s thick hands guiding her when she minced vegetables. It was as if working in the kitchen again conjured her mother’s presence which she missed so much, but was too afraid to bask in. And whenever Tiana broke out a childhood recipe, it felt as if mother Eudora was right there next to her. And like a child, Tiana yearned for her mother’s embrace. 

So as childish as it seemed, she wanted to make this silly hot chocolate drink to feel close to her once more. So her mother could cheer on her attempts at moving forward. So her mother could see that for the first time in a long time, she was smiling a real smile. So her mother would witness that she was okay enough that her spirit could rest easy. 

So maybe her mother could tell her what to do to make sure everything goes right this time, like asking for advice for a first date. She didn’t really get to ask about Naveen. They simply got hitched.

Tiana realized she lamented far too long, shaking herself out of her thoughts as she eyed another bottle. She couldn’t recognize all the characters yet.

“Ken, can you point out the characters for ‘peppermint’ for me? I don’t want to grab the wrong thing.”

“As long as you don’t lose it on me like on New Year’s.” Nanami chuckled, and Tiana blushed with sheer embarrassment.

“I don’t even remember everything that happened.” Tiana muttered as Nanami stood at her side, eying the different bottles.

“That makes me being the lone witness all the more enjoyable.” Nanami smirked, and Tiana began to fume.

They make it to a cottage similar to the one they stayed in the last time they were here, except everything seemed to be slightly flipped, and the layout a few square feet smaller. They both showered in their respective bathrooms and changed into their pajamas relatively quickly. Tiana immediately got to work afterwards, Nanami standing ready on the side in case she called him for help. The melanated drink looked absolutely delectable with a mountain of alcohol infused whip cream on top, Nanami’s personal idea. The drinks sat in two giant beer glass mugs, Tiana’s personal idea to see who could finish it all the fastest. The two sat on the couch, the lights off as Nanami looked for a movie, pausing when he took a sip of the sharp drink. It was as if a piece of minty dark chocolate had melted on his tongue, sliding down his throat. He smacked his lips happily, looking at his mug.

“I was a bit suspicious since I don’t care for sweets…” He said. “But this is really good.”

“Really?” Tiana raised a brow, looking at her own mug. She raised her lips and took a slight sip, the thick liquid kissing her top lip with warmth as the minty flavor hit her palette. She smacks her lips, lowering the mug, surveying the flavor.

She didn’t like it.

“Uh oh.” Nanami chuckles. “You don’t like it?”

He must have read her face.

“It’s okay.” Tiana said, taking a feverish gulp. She refused to let it go, even if it didn’t agree with her taste buds. The warmth of the cup felt as if her mother were holding her hand, and the heat spreading through her body felt like her embrace.

Tiana chuckles a bit, her cheeks growing warm. “I guess I haven’t changed at all.”

Sorry, Ma.

“Just because your palette didn’t change doesn’t mean you haven’t.” Nanami laughed, and it refreshed Tiana’s spirit.

“Yeah…” She said, taking another sip of her drink, appreciating the surge of warmth flooding through her. It tasted better. “You’re right.”

Tiana and Nanami had put on a movie to watch, but the two ended up tearing it to shreds as this strange buzz of excitement electrified the room. Tiana was able to ignore her detestable emotions about the drink and just have a good time. Alcohol and pure sugar, a combination sure to culminate a feast of loud chatter and wild guffaws, even with adults. Tiana’s face felt as if ants were crawling on her, and she kept messaging her cheeks, or opening her mouth as wide as possible while her skin vibrated. They loudly criticized the film, calling out loopholes and nonsensical lines with bad deliveries. It was pure, unadulterated fun, their commentary only dying down once the credits began to roll.

“That was God awful.” Tiana said, draining the rest of her drink with Nanami one gulp behind, both forgetting about their little race as they teetered between buzzed and tipsy, with a dash of hyper activeness.

“The check couldn’t have been that good.” Nanami said, flitting through the screen to find another film for them to tear apart. Tiana stood up, grabbing her mug, looking at Nanami’s.

“You want some more?” Tiana said with a stretching yawn. But she wasn’t necessarily tired.

“Yes, please.” He responds with a longer one. Tiana hums happily, slowly trailing into the kitchen as her head tilted slightly, pouring them both another serving of warm brew carefully.

“Home baked cookies would have been good with this.” She calls from the kitchen, doing a slight sway with her hips as she dances to a beat that only she could hear. She swirled the whipped cream so tall that it threatened to plop over on the counter.

“Let’s make sure to do that next time.” Nanami calls back, and Tiana feels like a blooming flower in April. There would be next times for them that she could look forward to. More times like this.

Tiana feels herself grow soft like a pile of mashed peas, swooning with sentimentality at such a simple sentence. She sat down, placing the mugs on the table, and curling into Nanami’s side as if he were her shield. There it was, the feeling of comfort and serenity that washed over her. That gravitational pull that she couldn’t pry herself from.

“I like this.” Her voice delicately nipped at Nanami’s ear. He looked down at her just to be swallowed in her gaze. It felt like he couldn’t breathe. How could someone be so enchanting?

Tiana’s mouth seemed to swell with words that she never thought she would say again. It must have been the alcohol talking, this strange boost of confidence causing her to want to run her mouth freely. But something deep down within her knew better than to do that.

“I lo-”

Her voice got lodged in her throat. Maybe it was too soon.

“I like-”

Again, her voice stalled. Why was this so hard?

I haven’t changed at all.

Nanami gave a soft smile, a knowing smile with a tilt of his head.

“It's okay.”

Tiana took a sharp inhale, her heart quaking. It wasn’t enough. She didn’t want to keep him waiting. She wanted to tell him herself. She wanted to change. But words seemed to fail her.

“My heart…” Tiana struggled to find the right words as the muscle slammed against her ribs so hard it felt as though it would break through her sternum. “I’m so nervous, I can barely think.” She babbles helplessly in a whisper.

Nanami takes her hand, gently placing it over his chest, flattening her palm with his own. She could feel his own heart thumping away, and strangely matching the rhythm of her own. Blood rushed to her ears and she felt her skin flush.

Tha-thumpTha-thumpTha-thumpTha-thump.

“So am I.”

Again, the world seemed to hold its breath, everything frozen and still. Even the movie playing was drowned out by the sound and sensation of their hearts beating as one.

Words always seemed to fail Tiana when she needed them most.

So she tried to show him.

She raised her hands to his face, practically mushing his cheeks.

“I like this.” She declared.

Nanami blinked owlishly. His eyebrows raised in a slight confusion.

“O-okay?” He chuckled, unsure where Tiana was going with this.

“Your face.” Tiana clarified “I like it.”

Again, Nanami laughed so painfully sweet that Tiana’s teeth hurt

“I like your face, too.” He says with the slight tilt of his chin. The buzz was making him silly and nonsensical as well.

“No, I-.” Tiana huffed. She used her hands to trail his features delicately, carefully, as if prodding too hard would cause them to smear.

“I like your eyes.” She thumbed the corner of his lids, adoring the almond shape. “You always seem to find what’s wrong with me even if I try to hide it.”

Oxygen became a foreign concept to Nanami as he let Tiana continue mapping out his face.

“I love your hair.” She hums, one hand gently ruffling his locks. “Especially when it’s unkempt and messy. Like angel hair pasta.”

Nanami snorted.

“Are you still hungry?” He joked, opening his eyes to see Tiana wearing a slight pout.

“No, I’m serious!” She sounded frustrated, yet adorably so. “Be serious!”

“Okay, okay.” Nanami leaned into the palm still cupping his face as her middle finger traced the bridge of his nose. She inched closer, trying to get a good look at him in the dark.

“Your nose.” She poked at the fading indentations from his glasses. “And your glasses. I like when you wear them. You should wear them more often.”

“Duly noted.”

She drew a line from the base of his ear, all the way to his chin as if connecting dots, flicking her pointer finger from his face in a beckoning motion.

Nanami shivered. The room seemed to pirouette. Tiana kept teasing him, poking and prodding at him like a specimen under a microscope.

And he loved every second of it.

“Your jawline is sharp; I like how all your features are sharp. Despite you being such a softie at heart.”

Tiana was close now, eyes leveled with his mouth, and her breath fanning Nanami’s neck with a cooling peppermint scent. Her thumbs found solace in his bottom lip, the slight pressure gently tugging the piece of flesh down. Nanami’s lashes fluttered, his breathing quickening slightly through his nose. The temperature in the room was past cozy.

“Your lips…”

She sounded almost dazed, and the dreamy look in her eyes matched her velvety tone. Tiana blinked a few times, eyes flitting to his irises to his pink lips that she suddenly gained the insatiable desire to devour. Blush began rising into Nanami’s cheeks and spreading to the tip of his ears. She blinked a few more times, battling with the pull.

And in the end she lost her nerve.

Her words start to feel inadequate to describe what she was feeling. They weren’t enough.

I haven’t changed at all.

Hesitantly, she retracts her hands back, biting the inside of her cheek as she backs away. She just couldn't do it.

Don’t do this to me, Nanami’s mind pleaded and begged as he watched her shrink away. He looked down momentarily. Don’t do this to me, please.

It felt like he had been denied water on a scorching summer’s eve. Like something had been snatched out of his grasp after pining for it for so long.

Nanami was fair and just man. He was patient and deliberate with his actions. But this wouldn’t do.

He couldn’t take it anymore.

“Tiana.”

She continued to watch the movie, the demanding tone sending a shiver down her back. She couldn’t focus.

“Tiana.”

She shakes her head.

“Tiana, look at me. Please.”

“Nope.” She popped the “p”.

Nanami tongued his cheek, his leg bouncing with nerves.

“Tiana?” He sounded like a wounded animal.

“I’m sorry.”

Nanami should be the one apologizing.

If she got mad at him, so be it. He would atone later.

Nanami hooks her chin with his finger, turning her beautiful face toward his, and planted a kiss on her lips.

It was soft, yet the movements crisp with intention, like biting into a load of fresh bread. 

Their first kiss. Yet the action was slightly restrained. A quick exploration that was far from satisfying.

Nanami pulled away, expecting to see Tiana’s face filled with unbridled rage, or maybe even disgust. Irritation and annoyance. Betrayal. Disappointment. But instead, she sat there wide eyed as if she had caught the galaxy in those pools of brown. She may be the eighth wonder of the world, but she was the first in Nanami’s.

Nanami’s lips curled into a vicious smile, his mouth tingling with wit.

“You think too much-”

Tiana juts forward, kissing Nanami with fervor. It was a bit disorganized with a sloppy start, but with the slight adjustments of their heads they fit as one. Of course Nanami could physically taste her now, but he could taste her. Her thoughts, her joyous laughter, her fears, her anxieties, the slight thickness of her worn off gloss, and it was all sprinkled with a hint of mint schnapps. Memories rammed into his skull reminding him of her unwilting beauty; her long hair with snow flurries caught in the ringlets, her plump cheeks that showed her dimples more prominent when she smiled, her melodic voice that beckoned him closer which each word she spoke like the moon calling in the tide. The softness of her lips, her spongy flesh was much thicker than he could ever fathom, anything he could have conjured in a dream. His hand cupped her cheek with earnestness, his body growing hungry as he leaned into her, his weight slightly pinning her into the plush cushions. Their movements became faster, erratic like they were low on time, slight nips being applied to their lips. The heat between them grew much more intense, hurtling past a sweet and innocent kiss. His ears rang as blood rushed everywhere at once.

He hears Tiana whimper, air growing short.

And Nanami was shuttled to his senses.

Forcing himself to come down from his high, his hands slide down to put a firm hold on her waist as if to brace himself. He slows the kiss, the sound of her inhaling quickly through her nose ending flutters to Nanami’s stomach.

It takes much effort, small kisses still being made in between, before Nanami fully relinquishes Tiana’s lips back to her face, breaths ragged as their noses brush together in pure agony, foreheads separated only by a thin sheen of sweat. A moment of breathing each other in. Tiana didn’t know what to do with herself, her hands finding solace in Nanami’s face to have something to focus on as she laid underneath him, his knee nestled between her legs. Her thumb drags across his swollen bottom lip, swiping at the gloss that shined on the corner of his mouth. Nanami let in a sharp inhale, his hand gripping her waist tighter as a warning.

“Careful.” He lets out breathlessly. He should really get off of her, find his bearings and rediscover chivalry. But even so, Tiana’s eyes and hands refused to sit still, and he refused to let go. Her mouth opened quickly, almost vomiting the words that had swelled in her being.

“I-”

Nanami caught the sentence with his mouth having anticipated them. Tiana let out a muffled protest, then exhaled softly with a slight hum resonating from the back of her throat. He pulled away, the sound of their lips separating causing his ears to burn.

“Not yet.” He whispered, the words brushing against her mouth.

“Why not?’ She whined. Why did he steal the words right out of her mouth when she finally gained the courage to say them?

“Tell me in the daytime when you’re sober. So I know you mean it.” Nanami rested his head on her chest, being lulled by the thrum of her heartbeat. He closed his eyes, brows knitted together painfully as he hugged her close. Deep down, Nanami felt undeserving of those words.

“So I know it wasn’t a dream.”

Tiana didn’t know what was real or fake. What was a dream and what was a reality. What were the machinations of alcohol and sugar, or a real life experience. She couldn’t differentiate between when she was asleep or awake. But she realized the answer when she opened her eyes to see her limbs tangled with Nanami’s. He laid on top of her, arms hooked across her waist with soft snores tickling her ribs, and one of her legs hooked across his lower back. Tiana blinked, the orange sun rising to burn away the twilight sky.

He kissed her.

No, she had kissed him.

They kissed.

Tiana seemed to explode with colors, burying her face in her hands. It was hot. She needed some air.

Tiana was too busy wriggling free from Nanami’s grasp to care if she would wake him or not. First she went to the bathroom to fret over her appearance and cool her steaming face. Then she sped to the kitchen, snatched random ingredients from the fridge to make something, anything to keep her mind busy.

It didn’t work.

We kissed, she thought. We kissed last night. I kissed him. He kissed me. We kissed each other.

She hunched forward, placing her burning forehead on the cool counter.

We kissed?

We kissed.

That was real?

It was.

Are you sure?

Tiana picked up the silver pan she was about to use, and stared at her warped reflection. She brings it closer, her features bulging against the circular kitchenware, tugging at her skin to see a slightly red mark glowing on her pink bottom lip.

Positive.

Nanami stretched on the couch, awoken by Tiana’s careless clatter from the kitchen, slightly discombobulated. He yawns, hoisting himself from the couch while he rubs the sleep from his eyes. He walks past the kitchen to his bathroom, groggily calling out a “good morning” in a low voice. Nanami isn’t sure if he heard correctly, but there is a squeak in response.

He flicks on the white lights, flinching at the sudden brightness. Eyes blinking in a frog-like fashion as his eyes unblur in an attempt to focus on his disheveled reflection. He had a strangely realistic dream last night, that had to be the reason why he looked as if he were tossing and turning through his sleep.

He grabs the travel size toothpaste, squeezing it onto his toothbrush, running it under the low pressure tap. He leans closure to the mirror, rubbing at his jaw, a slight prickling feeling on his fingertips. He needed to shave soon.

He wondered if Tiana had noticed last night.

Last night?

Nanami pauses, the toothbrush sticking out the side of his mouth. 

Last night? What happened last night?

Nanami brushes his teeth slowly.

No, that was a dream. It had to be.

Right?

Nanami leans into the mirror once more, noticing the slight drool mixed with glitter on the corner of his mouth. Not to mention the slight nips and bites that dotted his bottom lip like a scatter plot.

Wait…no…

Nanami blazes into the kitchen, sliding so fast on the glossy floors that he almost loses his footing. His face was on fire.

Tiana yelps, swinging around at the sudden visage blurring past her peripheral vision, holding the spatula in front of her body like it were a sword of sorts, ready to stab her assailant. Nanami mirrored her, using his foaming toothbrush to point at the trembling woman.

The two stand there in silence, the sound of food sizzling in oil.

“Hey.” Nanami says unintelligently. 

“Hi...” Her voice is like the wisp of a dandelion.

By her reaction, Nanami knew that she knew. That she couldn’t help but remember. Maybe she didn’t want to talk about it right now, Nanami thought. Or ever. Maybe she needed some time to properly process what had happened last night, or maybe she wanted to pretend nothing had happened at all. Nanami’s heart shattered at the thought. That kiss couldn’t be explained away as nothing. Tiana was his everything. He swallowed, feeling guilt and shame. He had to know.

So he asked,

“Are you alright?”

A silly question that provoked a nonverbal answer, just a quick nod, clutching her spatula as she turned to her now browning eggs.

Nanami simply nods, tapping on the entryway’s border before trudging back to the bathroom. He couldn’t gauge her reaction. Right now it would just be better to give her some time. He had really done it now. He always seemed to push her too far.

Nanami brushes his teeth in a daze, haphazardly scrubbing at his gums. He splashes his face with cold water, gripping the sides of the sink as he wrecks his train of thought over and over. He had to get it together. He couldn’t hide next to the toilet forever. He had to act normal again for her sake. But dammit, it was hard. 

After cooling himself down, he walked out of the bathroom with a straight face, sliding into the island seat just in time for Tiana to scooch a plate in front of him. Those brown eggs she had been poking at, slices of buttered toast, fried ham, what Nanami had learned was southern style grits, and sliced fruits topped with honey and brown sugar. As Nanami reaches for his silverware, Tiana ducks to his cheek, placing a chaste kiss on his prickly face.

Nanami is at a standstill, filled with surprise and disbelief. And when he turns to look at her with widened eyes, he’s met with a soft kiss on his lips, one filled with longing and much sweeter than any fresh fruit picked off of a tree.

“G’morning.” Tiana hums quietly, avoiding his eyes as she straightens herself up. With fidgeting fingers, she turns back to the stove, serving herself. Nanami could practically see steam spewing out of her red-tipped ears.

He broke out into a wide smile.

While Nanami ate with a sly grin, his previous worries alleviated, Tiana’s hands shook as she came to her own revelations.

She had to test it out, just to see. It may have been immoral, but she had to. At first, she believed that tug plaguing her may be her sense of guilt for moving on, moving forward. But now that the sun had risen, she knew it was her own fear that kept her from moving on. So last night, and even this morning, she was overjoyed and relieved that she didn’t think of Naveen not once. The only thing they both lamented in silence was that this is how their trip should have ended the first time.

They spent the rest of the day sightseeing, the initial shyness eroding away as did their Saturday. With more shopping bags than the night before, they trudged back into the cottage with sore feet and slightly exhausted minds, yet neither wanted to go to sleep. They had been glued to each other’s sides all day, it was almost mind boggling that they weren’t conjoined at the hip. After a record shattering shower, they found themselves on the couch yet again, snuggling the night away. Tiana shuffled slightly on Nanami’s chest, a tired sigh leaving her body. Nanami looked down.

“Are you alright?” He immediately asks, ready to aid any ailment. “Did you want some space?”

This weekend had been a lot to take in, and they didn’t really properly discuss what had happened. But in response, Tiana simply held onto him tighter, rebuking the idea of needing space.

“In all honesty, I didn’t have much of a plan when I got here.” Tiana said. She couldn’t believe she was here, as in with Nanami and physically on this planet. Her life was supposed to stop that night on the roof.

Her life was supposed to end in that car that night, five years ago.

“This was supposed to be a brief getaway, a change of scenery. But I’ve started a whole new life after wanting so badly to resurrect my old one.” She presses her cheek into his chest. “I’m getting a house, climbing the promotional ladder, and…” She pauses, looking at Nanami briefly, who has been wearing that same grin all day.

“What?” He asks innocently. Tiana clears her throat.

“I didn’t think my life would go this way. But I’m glad it’s going somewhere. I just lost sight of where I was going.”

“Was running your restaurant the only thing you wanted to do?” Nanami asks.

“I don’t know if I have the strength to try that again…” Tiana laughs, trying not to stain the moment. “I didn’t need a culinary degree, and don’t plan on getting one. But I do want to travel.”

“Where?”

“Anywhere.” She says with wonder. “I wanted to learn different cuisines and techniques from the heart of different cultures and try to infuse it with my southern palette.”

Tiana notices how Nanami’s heartbeat quickens.

“Would you have done so if your internship had ended?”

Tiana frowns slightly. She hadn’t really thought of that. She hadn’t really had time to dwell on it, but now that it seemed like a missed opportunity…

“I’m…not sure…” Nanami picked up on her hesitation.

Had he kept her from her dream? How selfish could one man be?

“Did you still want to?”

“I don’t know.”

But one thing was loud and clear. If Tiana did decide to ditch the stiff environment of their office to spread her wings, nights like this would be no more. And Nanami had no right to keep her tethered to him like that, he had done enough damage unbeknownst to Tiana. But how could he let her go when he finally had her in his arms like this?

What would this all be for? What would it even amount to? Tiana’s mind seemed to take a nosedive into despair. She was finally opening up to him, accepting this new version of herself and these new feelings, and it would all go to waste if she just up and left. It would feel as though she had used Nanami as a pitstop, which was only supposed to be reserved for her current job as she was only meant to be here for a season. Was this a mistake? Was pursuing anything more than this a mistake?

“Then let’s do it together.”

Those words seem to dispel the darkness Tiana had begun to succumb to. 

“We can?”

Nanami gives her a gentle squeeze. “Did you forget I wanted to travel after retiring young?”

“I don’t ever want to hold you back, Tiana.” His voice is soft, like a pile of down feathers. “If coming here is what you need to grow, then once this small pond is no longer fit to contain you, then you should move on to someplace that can. Do what you really want to do.”

“I don’t want you to feel as though you’re chained to someplace you don’t want to be.” He strokes her dark curls, placing his nose in them momentarily. Her hair smelled of vanilla. “So I’ll come find you once I’m done.”

He takes her hand into his, gently kissing her knuckles, then massaging her fingers. Tiana began to melt into putty.

“Just tell me what you want to do, and I’ll support you.”

Tiana nods, in disbelief that she somehow ended up this lucky twice in her life, and hoped this was some gift from some divine being to apologize for the the pure bad luck she had endured over the years. She laced her hand into his, placing her cheek on their warmed hands.

Nanami’s brain short circuited.

“Can I-?” He pauses, face burning at how pathetic he sounded. When Tiana looked at him, she couldn’t help but laugh, leaning her head back to get a good look at him.

“Can you, what?” Tiana asks, brimming with confidence. “Kiss me?”

Nanami is then reminded how Tiana was once a wedded woman. Things like asking for kisses must have sounded immature to her, especially when Nanami didn’t have much experience in the romance department anyway. 

Nanami didn’t understand that Tiana found his need for permission endearing and exciting, especially when this was brand new to her as well. She couldn’t help but rag on him more.

“You scared?” She inches closer to his face, bumping her nose into his. “I won’t bite.”

Nanami takes her approval as a dare, closing the distance with a passionate kiss, engraving the feel of her lips into his mind. He could never get tired of this, hell, with how dizzy she made him he wasn’t sure if he would ever get used to this. This time, her mouth tasted of cinnamon, probably from the gum she had been giving a mean chew earlier. He let his tongue dart across her bottom lip quickly, gently biting it and giving a gentle pull. Tiana giggles, Nanami letting go and allowing her flesh to snap back into place. She places her hands on his cheeks, smiling with her eyes as if to chastise the poor man.

“You’d better be careful.” Tiana warned, Nanami just glared back with lidded eyes, chin tilted down with slight indignity. He felt as if he were being tamed. So he buried his head in her collar, unable to face her. Tiana laughs, giving his hair a slight ruffle.

She then pushes off of him with a low grunt, checking the time. It was nearly three in the morning on a Sunday. They had to drive back soon and be fully acclimated for work on Monday.  She stretches her limbs, her joints popping slightly.

“I’m going to head to bed.” She says with a sense of responsibility. “And you should too.”

“Already?” Nanami flinches at the intonation of his voice.

“I’m getting sleepy, and we have to be out of here in a few hours.”

“We can always stay an extra day.” Nanami mutters, and Tiana notices how his face forms into what she assumes is a pout, the expression is so foreign on his lips. She shakes her head.

“Next time. It’s time to be adults again.”

“Where are you going to sleep?” Nanami scrambles to find an excuse to keep her around longer. Tiana just raises her brow, her hand on her hip.

“Um, in my bed?”

Nanami’s skin flushes once more, his hands gripping  his knees.

“Right.” He says.

“Did you forget? And to be honest, I don’t think my back will survive another night on that couch.” She rubs the base of her spine, raising a brow at the man who seemed to be breaking out in a nervous sweat. “What were you thinking, Ken?”

Nanami took a hard swallow.

“Get your head out of the gutter, Ken.” Tiana tittered, leaning forward and placing a kiss on his forehead. Nanami’s face was ablaze. “Goodnight.”

Nanami couldn’t respond, he just watched Tiana walk away, and he swore she was putting an extra sway in her step.

Did he forget?

Tiana touched her fingers to her lips as she laid in the dark. His words from the previous night rang through her brain.

Tell me in the daytime when you’re sober. So I know you mean it

She didn’t say it this morning, nor anytime that day. But Nanami’s face didn’t waver once. She wondered if he laid in his bed, mulling over her lack of verbal affection, or if he was too incapacitated last night to have any recollection of what came out of his mouth.

She turned over, hugging a throw pillow to herself. She was kind of thankful that Nanami stopped her from using the words so carelessly. She wanted to make sure she was fully coherent once she had the courage to tell him. She wanted to remember the look on his face, the pink of his cheeks, the black of his full blown eyes.

She hugged the pillow tighter.

When I’m ready.

The drive back was short, Tiana taking on the first half and Nanami finishing it off, pulling up to her complex to greenery glittered with white slush; the air was cool but a lot warmer than the mountain tops. Both Tiana and Nanami felt refreshed, and almost renewed. Everything was too good to be true.

Tiana turns to Nanami wearing a cute smile.

“Thank you for this Nanami.” Tiana pushes a curl out of her face. “I needed that…we needed that.”

Nanami tries to keep a calm expression. “Of course. Anytime.”

“Okay.” Tiana says softly, hesitantly unbuckling her seatbelt, her hands fumbling with the stretch of fabric across her body.

Tiana focuses on the hum of the car, gathering her things in the front seat as she fidgets with nerves, turning to look at Nanami. He seemed to be patiently waiting for something, brows sunk low with his lips downturned. Quickly, Tiana jolts out the car, carrying as much as she could up the stairs and dropping it off at the front door. She then climbs down the stairs two at a time, and slides back in the car, and slams the door shut.

“Did you lock yourself out?” Nanami asked. “I want to make sure you-”

Tiana never gets to know what he was referring to, his sentence coming to a complete stop when she leaned over the console to give him a kiss. Even though it was short and sweet, Tianna was grateful for the tinted windows, this would be embarrassing otherwise.

When the two finally parted, Tiana fluttered her eyes open to see Nanami’s lids sitting low, fingers drumming his thigh with a meek look.

“Did you…want me to walk you up?” There was something greedy about his tone, Tiana’s face burning while her shoulders tensed. She gently pushed his pinkening face away, grabbing her last few bags from the backseat.

“Goodbye, Nanami!” Tiana’s face beamed as she got out of the car, bounding up the stairs. After she gets the door open, she drags her bags to the living room, and flops on the couch. She chews on the inside of her lips, her vision filled with Nanami. Her hands fly to her face, air pushing past her lips quickly. When she closed her eyes, the images grew more intense. The sensation of his lips is much more than just a vivid memory.

And she squeals like a teenage girl. Helplessly flailing on her couch while her legs bike through the air.

After ridding the wetness behind her ears, she flopped on the couch, staring at the smooth white ceiling.

“Boyfriend.” She tested the word on her mouth, and couldn’t help the smile that followed after. It was foreign, and tasted mischievous like a ripe dare. She never got to call Naveen that.

“Boyfriend.” She said again, a bit louder, drawing the word out like spreading butter on a warm piece of toast. “Boyfriend.”

She kept repeating the word until it became natural, until the inflection in her voice disappeared and she could say it with pride.

“Boyfriend.” She huffed out, yet to grow tired of the word. “Nanami Kento is my boyfriend.”

Her hands fly to her inflamed face. It’s still going to take some time.

Nanami drove home, but it felt like he was flying. But when he stepped into his abode, he finally crashed to earth from his high.

A plethora of missed calls from his dear cousin. He had been avoiding them over the weekend, especially because Tiana was around. But now, he couldn’t hide away anymore.

“So are you coming?” Lottie asked for the umpteenth time. “The baby’s date…it’s coming up real soon…”

“And how will that work?” Nanami’s voice was tight. He felt sobered up, his previous joy sponged out of him. “How will I explain that to Tiana? How will you explain it to her?”

“I’ll tell her later.” she said quickly, but her answer didn’t sit right with either of them.

“You’re being a coward, you know that?” Nanami fumed. “This isn’t right. She has a right to know-”

“I’m the one having the baby. Not Tiana.”

The bite in her words stung Nanami as he grew irate from Charlotte’s inability to tell the truth. Or maybe he was upset with himself.

“Do you plan on hiding this from her forever? To continue lying to her until the child turns 18, perhaps? Deny her not only the truth, but a relationship?” Nanami’s voice steadily rose, spitting the words out faster than he could fully process them.

“No-”

“Then when?” Nanami belted out.

“I’ll tell her when the time is right.” Though she tried to be stern, her voice wavered, indicating she was definitely crying. But Nanami couldn’t sympathize with her right now.

“The time will never be right, Charlotte.” Nanami said after an elongated pause, emotions running high. He collected his demeanor; he shouldn’t be yelling at her like this.

“Things are going well for her right now. This-” His mind grew rampant. “This could hurt her beyond repair. It could kill her.”

“Nanami…” Charlotte hugged herself on the other line, messaging her aching heart and stomach. She felt sick beyond comprehension. “Everything will work out. I just really need the support right now. Please.”

Nanami knew Charlotte was saying that more to convince herself than him.

Later in the week, the two go decor shopping for Nanami’s home and office as promised, Tiana having the time of her life while Nanami just enjoys being in her presence. There were a few times he had to reign her in though, some of the things she picked just generally weren’t his style, but the idea of Tiana’s personal touches scattered across his living areas kept his mouth closed a good percentage of the time.

“I didn’t say this before,” Nanami said, looking at the array of potted flora and fauna that were candidates for his living room, “I’m really glad you’re staying. Here, in Sendai.”

Tiana pauses, her fingers nimbly touching the wide green leaves of a plant. “Yeah?”

“I mean, for obvious reasons, of course…” Nanami said as blush dusted his face. “But also because the company always does a summer getaway for the week we are closed. It’s not mandatory of course, but I’d hope you’d want to participate with me- er…us.”

Tiana’s brows twinged momentarily, then she chuckled. “Well, where is the trip this year? I’ll have to make sure my schedule is clear.” She jokes.

“Since it’s my duty to pick now, I’m not really sure…” Nanami says, his finger resting on his chin. “I’ve always wanted to visit Malaysia.”

“You want to waste a visit to Malaysia with the company?”

“The plus side is that it would be free, but no, I’m just thinking big. We normally choose a neighboring island. I’d want to spend a trip like that with someone special…” He grabs Tiana’s hand, taking a step forward. “Just the two of us.”

Tiana blinks rapidly, biting the inside of her cheeks to keep her smile from creeping in, but to no avail. So instead, she turns her nose upward, looking in the other direction to hide her embarrassment.

“Well…” Her voice is standoffish, but Nanami knows it’s a front. “That someone is really lucky.”

Nanami’s eyes flit to his environment around him. No one was in the aisle. So he leans over, planting a small kiss in Tiana’s scalp, her eyes growing wide.

“I’m the lucky one.” Nanami breathlessly replies.

They couldn’t get enough of each other. Either Nanami was over at Tiana’s place, or vice versa. It didn’t matter how miniscule of a task one of them had to do, the other would tag along. The main reason for Tiana was because when she was alone, her mind would sometimes try to talk to her about nonsensical things that hindered her from basking in the afterjoy of spending time with Nanami. And what spoke to her the loudest was the fading ring spot around her finger, especially after a conversation she had recently unbeknownst to her partner. Soon it would be April, four months after she carelessly discarded it. The snow was almost nonexistent, and yet she still hadn’t located it, nor did the groundskeeper say anything about its return when she asked him while he was lingering about. So on an afternoon when the two were simply lounging in Tiana’s living room, she brought it up with utmost honesty, not wanting to hide anything from the man, while simultaneously overcompensating for a secret she was promised not to share.

“We’ve been…spending a lot of time together…” Tiana muttered with her head laying in Nanami’s lap, scared at how Nanami would take her sudden comment.

“Is it too much?” Nanami asked gently, his finger pausing from fiddling with her curls. He leaned over to look at her with utmost concern. “Do you want some space?”

“Yeah, but it’s not because of what you think…” She sits up slowly, Nanami’s hands falling away from her. “I just…don’t want to use spending time with you as a distraction. I want to spend time with you because I want to spend time with you, not because I can’t stand being alone for five minutes.”

She sounded a bit dejected; Nanami hadn’t heard her sound this upset in a while.

“Hey,” Nanami placed a hand between them, leaning in slightly to get a good look at her face. He looked so worried. “What’s wrong?”

Tiana tried to swallow; her mouth felt so dry. There was something else bothering her, but she just couldn’t talk about it, not yet anyway. It would make things weird after trying so hard to get comfortable with each other, moreso her to him. So she chose the other, more believable option.

“My ri-...my ring.” She forced the words out. “I never found my ring.”

Nanami was confused. She never found her ring? His eyes flitted to her hand. He had forgotten that a ring used to occupy the fading spot on her finger. But how did she lose it?

“You…lost it?”

So Tiana explained, not in entirely vivid detail, but enough for him to understand. She couldn’t entirely look him in the face as she retold her moments of distress, how she felt overwhelmed and tossed it out the window. How she never found it, to this day, even with the melting snow, and how it was slowly plaguing her. But she didn’t explain how much it began to torment her that something she held so dearly seemed to slip her mind when he was around. Nanami is speechless throughout the whole ordeal, feeling slightly responsible.

“I asked the groundskeeper about it again the other day, and he just shook his head at me.” Tiana gave a pained laugh. “I’m thinking maybe he accidentally shoveled it away and it’s long gone. I know it’s hopeful thinking to find it, and I was careless but…”

“I’ll find it for you.” Nanami’s chest felt tight, but he had a small idea about its whereabouts. It would explain why he had seen the man slinking about the complex more than he usually should.

“You will?” It was a lot for Tiana to ask of him, but she just didn’t have the energy to look for the ring only to find failure. It may have been selfish, but it felt good finally pawning that eight off on someone else. She leans over, giving him a tight hug, her eyes squeezed shut. 

“Thank you, Nanami Kento.” The dark haired man said, the silver band glittering on Nanami’s office desk. “Thank you for releasing me from this burden.” His voice was laced with sarcasm as Nanami glared up at him, fingers folded neatly.

Nanami sought after the man immediately after his conversation with Tiana, unprofessionally dangling blackmail over the groundskeeper's face if he didn’t attend a meeting with him at his office after hours, at the one located an hour out from the main building so that Nanami wouldn’t be bothered or spied upon. And it worked, the ring glinting in the office lighting, and causing Nanami’s throat to tighten.

“Did Gojo put you up to this?” Toji asks, a humorless chuckle escaping his scarred mouth. “He loves playing sick pranks on me.”

The question startles Nanami. His brows sink, answering with a question of his own.

“What does Gojo have to do with this?” He asked cautiously.

“He didn’t go into details.” Toji stuck his pinky into his ear to scratch his inner lobe. “Just handed me a picture and said it would fetch a high price. I have no need for funds, but Megumi’s going to college soon.” He scoffs, shrugging his shoulders. “I knew it wouldn’t be that easy.”

“I didn’t think you still did dirty work.” Nanami frowned, and Toji tilted his head toward the man.

“I only do Gojo’s dirty work.” He corrects. “I owe him.”

“Why did Gojo want this ring?” Nanami gently picked it up, rolling it between his fingers. It was cold.

“Don’ know. I just knew I’d get a nice cut from the deal. But he did go radio silent on me after I got it, so who knows. Prolly don' need it anymore.”

“Then why didn’t you return it?”

Toji’s mind flashes back to that night, his seventh, cold night in a row stalking around the poor woman’s home. She had finally left, dolled up for the company gala, and would be gone for a while hopefully. Now was Toji’s chance to finally slip into her home and look for the ring. He noticed her bare hand from the shadows, and knew that tonight would probably be his only chance to get the job done the way it was supposed to. He had hesitated previously on going into a woman’s home and rummaging through her items, but he had a debt to pay, and a child to look after. He had messier jobs than this, ones where he discarded his moral compass entirely. This would be easy, and even easier if he remembered that Megumi came first before some random woman he barely knew.

But she returned earlier than expected. Loudly, too. Toji stood underneath her complex window, listening to her clatter around, scream at people who weren’t there, and cry. Toji looked up just in time to see her window fly open, and something shiny was thrown from her hand, followed by the clink of it hitting the building next to him.

Toji jogged quickly to the building, a silver band resting in the bed of white, glistening in the orange street lamps.

Bingo.

Toji snatched it quickly, just as he heard Tiana barreling down the stairs. 

“No, no, no-!”

Toji dipped into the swelling darkness, hiding behind one of the buildings as she heard the woman’s broken sobs, followed by her scuttling around in the dark snow.

“Come on, come on, come on…!”

Toji shuddered, but only because it was cold. Not because of the pain and agony spewing from this woman’s lips. Not because of her silent begs for some sort of divine savior above to hear her pleas and help her. Whatever religious figure she was praying to wouldn’t be able to answer her calls, for the devil had intervened first.

But for a moment, the devil regretted his banishment from heaven, his heart panging when he turned the corner to see her curled in the snow, ready to succumb to the cold. Her body seemed to yearn to return to the wet, lifeless dirt.

But Megumi always comes first. So he turned on his heels, turning a blind eye in hopes that image wouldn’t haunt him later.

Yet it did, he could never fix his mouth to tell her a lie whenever she asked if he had found it, and he didn’t dare tell her the truth. The pictures of that woman tormented him to no end, and to be honest, he was glad to get rid of this cursed object.

“Why didn’t I return it?” Toji seemed to be asking himself. “Maybe I was doing her a favor.”

A comment meant to be a joke from Toji’s perspective, but came off as entirely offensive to Nanami.

“How about I do you a fucking favor and tell Megumi the truth about his delinquent father who’s only ever a name on a check?” Nanami jeers, catching himself and even Toji off guard. “Or why don’t you do that yourself?”

Must have touched a nerve, Toji thought, but no matter. He was a professional at pushing people’s buttons without even meaning to. That’s why Gojo kept him in his back pocket. So he let the comment roll off his shoulders, no matter how much his neck wanted to strain.

“Look at me, Kento.” Toji laments as he gestures to himself. “I’m living a lie much too beautiful to smear.”

His truth brings a halt to Nanami’s initial anger because of how much it resonated with him. He himself was living a lie, one he created with Tiana that turned into something beautiful. If it were ever to smudge, she would never look at him the same again.

So instead of tormenting himself of that thought again, he seeks out Gojo that same night, catching him as he was leaving a bar with a few coworkers. He watched as Gojo waved goodbye to the staggering patrons, turning around quickly as if he were expecting to see Nanami the entire night. He gave a wave, his tongue poked out in a goofy fashion.

“Nanamin!” He shouts into the warm night air. “Care for a drink?”

Nanami humored Gojo, knowing listening to his absurdly benign request would let him get more information out of the man. So they shared a booth, lit by a dim chandelier above them, soft music playing as low chatter rumbled through the building. Gojo ordered a light colored drink with heavy carbonation and garnished with fruit and mint. Nanami ordered an amaretto sour.

“An amaretto?” Gojo says, eying Nanami’s drink. “Didn’t think you had a sweet tooth.”

Nanami took out the silver ring, placing it gently on the table with a clink.

“What were you trying to do with Tiana’s ring?”

“Is that what you wanted to talk about?” Gojo leaned forward, blue eyes glinting as he looked over his shades with disgust. “And here I thought you wanted to spend time with your favorite junior. Though it does bother me that I’m older than you…” 

“What were you trying to do with Tiana’s ring?” Nanami asked once more, his voice rougher than gravel. Gojo simply rolled his eyes.

“Who cares.” He says with a shrug. “It fell through anyway. Now, why don’t we order dessert-”

“What fell through?” Nanami pressed, leaning forward. Gojo huffs, irritated that Nanami was keen on interrupting him. He leans forward, his chin resting into his palm as if he were bored.

“What do you know about Tiana?” Gojo asks, and the way he does causes Nanami to feel unsettled.

“I know the basics. Her background.” Nanami answered as politically correct as possible, hoping his face didn’t turn red. There was no need to divulge Gojo in any unnecessary information.

But Gojo knew Nanami was withholding something.

“No, what do you really know about Tiana?”

Nanami swallows. He knew everything she was willing to share, and vice versa.

“I know enough.”

Gojo scoffs, shaking his head as white strands fall in front of his face. “That sounds all too familiar.” He leans back in his seat, the battered leather groaning. “Remember that article we discovered when we first hired her?”

Of course Nanami did.

“It’s been scrubbed off the internet.” Gojo ran a hand through his hair. “Not even our employees in our sister location in the states can find it.”

“So?” Nanami says.

“So,” Gojo emphasizes, “did you tell her about it?”

Of course Nanami had. He vividly remembers her asking him to send it to her.

“No.” Nanami lies, but Gojo senses his hesitation. He doesn’t believe the lovestruck blonde, but he continues on anyway.

“I wanted to trade the ring for information. I’m in IT. Knowledge is power, and power is expensive.” He gently taps his temple, then rubs his fingers together. “And what family member wouldn’t want something as sentimental as a memento from the deceased?” 

Nanami didn’t get it. It still wasn’t enough.

“What knowledge?” Nanami was growing frustrated.

“I had two running theories.” Gojo holds up two fingers, tacking them off as he speaks. “The first is that Tiana came here out of spite, some sort of malice or drama sprouting between the families since Naveen’s departure. Giving them the ring could act as a sort of truce on our end, maybe have them bow out of the competition. But that doesn’t seem likely anymore, after the disappearance of the article.”

“That leads to option two, Tiana working as some sort of spy ready to take us out from the inside. The situation with Misha almost confirmed it, but she didn’t use the opportunity to jolt up the ladder, to threaten the company, or anything. It was a personal vendetta that had no ties to the Maldonia family at all.”

“So both of your theories were wrong and you were bothering a grieving woman for your own sick games?” Nanami spoke through gritted teeth. He didn’t know how much longer he could listen to such drivel.

“Oh no, no.” Gojo placed a hand on his chest defensively. “I don’t think this is a game. I’ve always had the company’s best interest in mind, that’s why I resorted to such underhanded methods.” Gojo leaned forward with his brow raised. “Do you really think I like being chummy with Zenin? That guy gives me the creeps. Doesn’t help that Megumi looks like him sometimes…”

“So what’s the reason for you continuing your investigation?” Nanami’s blood boiled. It was as if he were antagonizing her for his own entertainment. And even if those theories were inherently true, that was none of Gojo’s business. “You’re all out of options.”

Gojo raised a third finger. “There’s another.”

“She’s in touch with someone with power. There has to be someone scraping her history under the rug, a history either she doesn’t want to share or doesn’t want to face. And if the Maldonia family is tied to it, it would sew the hole in this whole ordeal shut. And maybe, we could make an allyship out of this.”

"Or..." Gojo eyed Nanami with an eerie smile. "Maybe it was you this entire time."

Nanami grew defensive. "Now why the hell would I do that?" Nanami just settled into his position as CEO. Gojo tapped his chin.

"Love makes you do crazy things." Gojo sighs. "You're the one who gloats about wanting to retire early. You could leave the company in shambles after getting you check cut."

Nanami simply frowns that Gojo would accuse him of something like this. Gojo throws himself on the table as he seemingly reaches a dead end.

"Ah, I just don't know who it could be."

Nanami kept his mouth closed. That person could very well be Charlotte. She had the power of her father as well to back her up. But Gojo didn’t need to know that.

But he had an inkling.

“I asked her personally, but she didn’t let anything slip.” Gojo said nonchalantly. “Jeez, everyone has so many secrets these days.”

Nanami paused, blinking rapidly at Gojo’s statement.

When did he…?

“You…talked to Tiana?”

Why didn’t she say anything about this? Is that the real reason she wanted space?

What did he say to her?

Gojo gave a sly smile, that one Nanami loathed the most. A look that deemed Nanami inferior in the gaze of this blue-eyed, wannabe God. A pair of eyes that could easily read the things Nanami had specifically written in invisible ink. His long fingers traced the rim of his cup, the glass singing in response.

“Oh?” He says coyly. “Did I say that?”

A few days prior, when Tiana split on her own from Nanami, Gojo had cornered her like prey with one of the most straightforward conversations she’s ever had, which she would come to appreciate later.

“I’ve always wanted to ask,” Gojo said with feigned curiosity. “For a woman who had such a big business in the past, why didn’t you use those business skills to negotiate for a higher position? After everything with Misha? You could have gotten it pretty easily, all things considering.”

Tiana’s neck jolts backwards, surprised by the sudden question. What happened to hello? “I wasn’t made for the office life.” Tiana answered. “I don’t know much about it, and there are others who are much more deserving.”

Gojo tried to feel her out, but didn’t sense any dishonesty. 

“You don’t?” He asks.

“I don’t.” She answered just as fast.

“Hm.” Gojo says, tapping a finger to his chin. “There’s one more thing I wanted to ask you. Well two. I’ll make it quick.”

“O-okay?” Tiana could feel the invasiveness of his speech, and rocked on the balls of her feet. She could just leave, but wouldn’t that be labeled as disrespectful? He was still her boss, even if it was after hours.

“It’s about Naveen’s death,”

Tiana’s face dropped, and her glowing skin turned a shade of gray.

“That’s a very inappropriate thing to ask-”

“If you’re no longer connected to the Maldonia family, how did you make that article disappear?” Gojo kept talking, and Tiana’s blood turned to frost.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Then how were you able to keep his passing so hush hush, even with him being estranged? It’s as if he never existed.”

“I don’t know.” Her voice was as warm as the soulless tundra.

Gojo realizes his slip up, his carelessness getting him no where, then presses his hands together with a beaming smile that makes Tiana feel sick. “Ah, I do apologize for my bluntness. Sometimes it’s hard to separate business from personal, don’t you agree?”

What did he mean by that?

“I…I-”

“Tiana!” She heard Nanami’s voice call, and she flits to find where his voice is coming from, only to be met with that homogenous crowd.

She really wanted him to save her right now.

“One more thing.”

That man just kept on yapping.

“How much do you know about Nanamin?”

How much did she know about him?

“I know enough.” She defends.

“I don’t think so.” Gojo says, getting closer as his speed of speech almost doubled. “I’ve noticed you two growing close, but chances are you’re much closer than you think.” The way he said that shook something within Tiana.

“What do you mean?”

“As head of the cyber-security department, I see all.” His cerulean eyes seem to glow despite it being broad daylight. “Which means I have also seen multiple contact points between our company, mainly Nanami, and the LaBouf's.”

Tiana feels her lungs collapse.

“La…Bouf?”

“Tiana! Where’d you go?” Nanami’s voice calls out again, a lot closer this time, but for the first time ever, she didn’t want him near.

“Nothing new.” Gojo continues. “They’re a huge sponsor of ours, and a longtime partner. It makes sense. But what doesn’t make sense…” Gojo gets a bit closer, Tiana’s face reflecting back at her through his eyes. “Is the LaBouf name being used as a point of reference on your resume.”

Tiana’s breath seems to leave her body. She purposefully didn’t use Charlotte’s last name for the off chance that the job would be given to her unrightfully. But Charlotte must have gone back and added it, which aided her in getting this job.

Which means she never earned her place here at all.

She wasn't supposed to be here.

“Oh, but that’s definitely not why you got the job.” Gojo says, as Tiana’s breath picks up speed. “Nanami was against you working here probably the most, which is pretty ironic. But he is a fair and just man.”

“I wanted to wrangle you in as my assistant and strengthen our department, and our company as a whole." He pauses and thinks for a moment. “Or take you down a peg if you meant any harm to the future of my students.”

“But everything is strangely connected, no? Maybe you should look into it a bit deeper.”

“Tiana?” Nanami's voice was right there, inching closer and closer.

 Gojo grabs her shoulders, whipping her around to face where Nanami’s voice seemed to be coming from. He leaned in close into her ear, her heart hammering against her chest.

“And don’t tell Nanami about this, okay?”

 And then, his presence is gone, erased with a chilling wind.

“There you are.” Nanami’s face pops out of the crowd, brushing past a few bystanders. He passes his fingers through his blonder hair. “I thought I lost you for a sec-” He stops mid sentence, Tiana’s petrified look catching him off guard.

“What’s wrong?” He asks, taking a step closer, and Tiana unconsciously takes one back.

“N-Nothing, I was just-” She turns and points to Gojo, but he has disappeared into the crowd, not so much as a hair on top of his head being seen. His words of warning echoed in her brain.

Maybe you should look into it deeper. And don’t tell Nanami.

Tiana scratched at her ring finger, eyebrows furrowed as she tried to swallow her worries. Nanami was hiding something from her.

It was even more evident when they went out for their drive two days after Nanami’s enlightening conversation with Gojo, the car ride tense and uncharacteristically quiet. And when they sat next to each other on his couch, the penny-length gap between them felt as if a chasm were keeping them apart.

Nanami can’t tame his curiosity about what Gojo talked to Tiana about, or maybe anxiety would be a better word. And that silver band that had everyone in Sendai revolving around it seemed adamant on burning a hole through his pants pocket. At first, Nanami wanted to rid the item himself, Toji’s sick excuse of “doing Tiana a favor” infiltrating his mind. Because through it all, Tiana had been fine without it, and Nanami knew his heart would collapse if he saw her wearing it again. He even thought of buying her a band to wear instead.

But it was one of her most prized possessions left behind by someone she had a long intimate history with. Keeping this away from her would do more harm than good on their relationship that seemed to be wrung dry over the past couple of days. And it would just be purely disrespectful on Nanami’s end.

So he dug into his pocket quickly, ready to rid the ring that seemed to carry the weight of the world.

“I have this for you…” His voice was small as he hooked his fingers around the ring and drew it out slowly. It was eerily bright in that gloomy room. Tiana gasped, her hands covering her mouth. A plethora of emotions flashed before her eyes.

She shakily puts a hand out to finally have the ring returned to her, back home where it belongs, and Nanami forces himself to lay it in her hand.

“Zenin had gotten a bit busy, and it slipped his mind.” Nanami watched her, but she didn’t seem to be listening. She was somewhere else. Sometime else; about six years ago.

She clutches it into her fist and presses it to her heart, giving a thankful prayer, then mindlessly holds it between her pointer and thumb, her ring finger magnetized to its long lost collar, almost itching to be hugged by the cool metal once more. It was a series of motions that her body yearned to do, the repetition calling to her as she flooded with a sense of relief. But just as the tip of her finger hit the smooth inside of the ring, she paused, eyes flitting to Nanami. He was quietly watching her hands, jaw clenched and his neck strained, a pleading look in his eyes. And when he noticed Tiana staring at him, he simply looked the other way, hoping he didn’t reek of desperation.

She couldn’t do that to Nanami.

She looked at her shaky left hand, ready to receive the ring like a flower ready to be showered with mist. 

Maybe she shouldn’t do it.

So she balls her fist around the band, taking it and placing it into her pocket, then resting her hand over her pocket to check if it was truly there and to ensure that it wouldn’t leave.

“Thank you, Nanami.” Tiana says after initially forgetting her manners. She forgot how one-track minded she could be with this in her possession. “I truly am grateful. Really.”

“Of course.” The words burned as they pushed past his lips, along with a question resting in the back of his throat.

“Actually, and this may be off topic,” He hesitates as he speaks slowly, “but there’s something I wanted to ask you.”

“Yeah?” Tiana turns to him.

“I saw Gojo at work today-”

Tiana’s heart missed a beat.

“-and he said he ran into you a few days ago.” Nanami chose his words carefully, filtering in half-truths.

And Tiana followed suit.

“Yeah...” She hoped that she sounded natural. “I ran into him when I split from you that one time.”

Nanami recalls how scared Tiana seemed to be. How scared Tiana seemed to be of him.

“Did he…say anything weird?” Nanami rubbed the back of his neck. “Gojo can be kind of…”

Tiana’s mind was bombarded with questions as she scanned Nanami’s face. This was weird.

Why would he ask me this? Did Gojo say something? Why does Nanami look so worried?

She bit the inside of his cheek.

Is he hiding something?

“He’s very straightforward and honest.” Tiana let a laugh roll through her chest, but it was far from humorous. “He told me how he wanted to use me to strengthen the company if I still had ties with the Maldonia’s.” Hopefully this would be enough to keep Nanami from getting suspicious. 

“Well, do you?”

The question stings Tiana.

“Nanami, really?” Tiana tilts her head, hurt plastered across her face as she grows defensive. He really had the audacity to ask her this. She thought he knew her. “I don’t-”

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked that.” Nanami’s voice grows soft. He doesn’t want to start an argument, and even if Tiana did keep in touch with them, he had no right to judge or question her when he was related to one of the big wig families. Even if she was omitting the truth, he had no right to criticize her.

The tension is almost suffocating, so Tiana takes it upon herself to stand, straightening her shirt in the process.

“It’s getting late…” She says, and Nanami stands as well.

“Yeah, of course.” He says.

Tiana walks to the room with the altar, something she had grown accustomed to doing for the past few weeks, whispering a quick “excuse me” as she put her hands together to pay respects to a group of people she will never meet in this life. Nanami follows, and as he’s praying, Tiana examines the pictures once more. His parents looked so damn familiar.

“My grandparents had my mother in the states.” Nanami said. He didn’t know why he was saying these things. Maybe he just wanted to air out his grievances and lighten his heavy heart. Tell her at least one more thing about his life that was true before it was indistinguishable from the lies. “But she moved back to Sendai once she graduated, and that’s where she met my father.”

Tiana wondered what triggered him to share this, but she listened anyway.

“Because they passed when I was young, I lived with a…distant relative for a bit so that my grandparents could accommodate me. They did their best.” He omitted how that same relative got him the internship at G. Corps very young. He omitted how that distant relative was Eli LaBouff.

He pauses, the air swelling.

“Sometimes I wonder what they would think of me now.” His voice is melancholic, stinging like thorns on a stem of a beautiful rose. “If they would be proud of what I was doing.”

Tiana blinks rapidly, a strange sadness sweeping through her spirit. She at least understands this part of him. She can’t even look at Nanami right now, so she takes her arm, wrapping it around his torso, and pulls him close in an act of comfort, unable to withstand the distance between them anymore.

It didn’t help that they both were aware that the other was hiding something.

The car ride was eerily quiet, neither able to break the silence, nor did they budge as they stood in front of Tiana’s front door. She bit the inside of her cheek, turning to look up at Nanami, the wall lights carving out the features of his face.

“Nanami? Are you being honest with everything?”

Of course I’m not, he thinks as his hands grip his thighs. And it’s tearing me apart.

He opens his mouth to answer, the truth inches sitting right at the tip of his tongue. He prays that Charlotte will forgive him, but Tiana’s well being is much more important to him now.

“N-”

“About us.” Tiana cuts in, so caught in her own thoughts that she missed Nanami’s shot at honesty.

But she did see how his brows knitted together painfully despite the small smile he produced.

She meant our relationship, Nanami exhaled as he took her hand in his.

“Of course.” He says. “I wouldn’t play with your heart like that.”

Tiana’s face falters. That’s not what she meant at all.

“Everything I feel for you…it’s real.”

That was in fact the truth, but not the truth Tiana wanted to hear.

She didn’t communicate it properly, and it felt as though it were too late to restate her question now. But she was scared, and it was as clear as day on her face. Absolutely terrified of the truth weaved between his soft spoken words.

“What’s wrong?” Nanami asks, but by the way he was looking at her, Tiana could have asked him the same thing.

So instead she hesitantly brought a hand to his cheek, massaging the spot under his eyes. Slowly, she raised herself on the balls of her feet, and Nanami met her halfway, sealing their lies away with a mournful kiss.

She ignored his question, because nothing was ever wrong when his lips were on hers. Because that’s when everything felt real, and she could always count on him when it came to these feelings. Maybe a lie or two wasn’t so bad, because at the end of the day, he was still here, standing in front of her with his hands roaming her face as if that’s what they were solely created to do. In this moment, the man Nanami Kento who she fell for was real and alive, and that was enough for her to disregard everything else.

Tiana didn’t put the ring back on, but she did examine it quite a bit, rolling it between her finger tips. Examining the ring only, and sometimes adorning it on her pointer finger in the privacy of her home, but never the ring finger. Tiana and Nanami did their best to ease back into some form of normalcy, but it was hard. Tiana kept reminding herself to relax and stop trying to self-sabotage her happiness by over thinking. The air between them slowly started to ripen, but they both knew it would never be the same. The blemishes were evident.

On the last day of March, a week before the cherry blossoms fully bloomed, they found the perfect house. A modern home scoured with sharp rectangles and large windows that outlooked the city. Beautiful red, cherry wood beams that showed the ceiling's skeleton. A kitchen with an island bar, and a loft that would make for a great office space. Tiana could see this as her new home. She tittered around the area with a sense of rejuvenation.

“-and here, my plants would go.” She pointed to a corner where the sun shined its brightest. “And here…”

Nanami watched her zip around, mentally placing her beloved items around the vacant home that would soon be filled with her.

“And then-!” Tiana stopped, turning to see Nanami with that goofy smile resting on his lips. She mirrors it. “What?” She chuckles.

“The place suits you.” Nanami says as he walks toward her. “A couple weeks left, and it’s all yours.”

“It’s kind of nerve wracking.” Tiana wipes her palms on her jeans, but her eyes shine brightly. “But I’m excited.”

“I’m glad.” Nanami says, wrapping his arms around Tiana, her chin pressed into his chest as she looks up. He was glad that the friction between them had almost faded away.

“We should go on a date.” She suggests.

“Yeah?”

“To celebrate.” She says with her arms around his, the two rocking back and forth. “Like a ‘date’ date.”

Nanami raises a brow. “A ‘date’ date?”

“Something cute, not just sitting in our living rooms. I can get all pretty-”

“You’re already gorgeous.” Nanami chuckles, and Tiana’s face turns into a scowl.

“That’s not the point! I want to wear my pink dress, the ones that match the flower’s outside.”

“Alright, I have just the thing. How about a few days from now so we can schedule to get off early?” He leans forward slightly, his eyes falling to Tiana’s plump lips. She smiles.

“Perfect.”

A succession of quick kisses are made, the last one slow and sweet like drinking honey from a table spoon.

As the two begin to walk out, they pass a side room. It caught Tiana’s eye before, but now it was calling to her. It reminded her of the one at Nanami’s place.

She walks in the room, looking around once more, taking it all in. Nanami leans on the door frame, watching her carefully.

“Having second thoughts?” He jokes, and Tiana looks at him.

“Can you help me find an altar? For this room?” She fidgets with her fingers. “Kind of like yours?”

“Of course.” Nanami immediately agrees.

“I just want everyone back home to see this.” She says, looking around one more time. “To know that I’m okay.”

“Don’t feel obligated to explain yourself to me, Tiana.” Nanami appears next to her, his arm wrapped around her waist. “Anything you want, just ask, and I’ll give it to you. No holds barred.”

Tiana hugs him back. She would just have to hold him to his words.

But she knew she wouldn’t have to use that card too often. What kind of man would go out of his way to support her to this extent? Tiana was convinced that this man would never hurt her, or even think about lying to her; he was incapable of doing so. He has to be the most kind and honest person she has ever known as of late.

Second only to her Lottie.

ᴘʀᴇᴠɪᴏᴜꜱ ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ | ɴᴇxᴛ ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ | ʀᴇᴀᴅ ᴀʜᴇᴀᴅ | ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ʟɪꜱᴛ

[enobariasdistrict2]

Lucy Gray Baird - an innocent victim or a manipulator?

What's your first impression of Lucy Gray?

Do you think she loved Coriolanus in tbosas?

What do you think might have happened to Lucy Gray in the end?

What's your opinion about theories :

1. Greasy Sae as Lucy Gray.

2. Coin as a daughter or relative of Lucy Gray.

Thank you :)

@curiousnonny

ooh random but fun, i love this. i miss inbox interactions/asks btw since i haven't been getting those lately, if anyone ever wants to start a conversation with me about anything at all especially fandom related, feel free!

calling her a manipulator seems a little bit of a victim-blaming rhetoric in my opinion. she's an oppressed individual from a poor district who is forced to perform/kill children for the elite's entertainment, who was clearly struggling long before the games (parents died in the rebellion and left her an orphan, she had to sing and possibly sell herself to feed her cousin, her boyfriend cheats on her and then his mistress sends her to a death arena out of spite, etc). she had to "manipulate" the capitol by making them attached to her because this is literally a strategy to survive. lucy gray does not cause anyone harm on purpose unless they instigate a conflict or directly threaten her life, and because snow is extremely selfish and narrow-minded he sees this as her being manipulating and conniving when all he does is contribute to the issue of her feeling threatened. when left in peace she sings and spends time with the covey, and if provoked she will defend herself, so i don't know how that could be regarded as "manipulating" behavior.

i found lucy gray to be an incredibly interesting character. its been so long since i read thosas (eighth grade, so that was around 3-4 years ago) and i don't remember my exact first impression. i appreciated her characterization/what she brought to the storyline & lore of panem/her background, but coral was probably my favorite character at the time (as we all know i'm obsessed with murderous career tributes, especially those whose names start with c. just look at my url). when i saw rachel zegler cast as lucy gray and saw her performance, i was obsessed. rachel nailed the role perfectly and is literally so talented!!! and the brown girls representing is great :)

she's my favorite character and she absolutely deserved better but like... while i appreciate that suzanne kept up with the theme/lore behind her name origin and made lucy gray disappear like her namesake, never to be found, symbolically haunting snow for the rest of his life, if we look at it from a non-figurative point of view there is absolutely no way she didn't die. lucy gray can't hunt (or maybe she could- snow was very self-absorbed so he didn't know that much about her, but i honestly can't imagine that she would have hunted) so she couldn't survive in the wild. snow left a bullet wound in her, and lucy gray doesn't have medical experience. she couldn't return to district twelve for medical attention, since snow never told her about his promotion to d2 and she would have assumed he'd be back there ready to kill her or turn her in. also a lot of scary animals live in the woods at night, and for as much as lucy gray is clearly a survivor i don't think she'd have been much of a match for that. if she made it back to the cabin, injured as she was, i doubt there was much food there or any medical supplies sufficient enough to take care of a bullet wound. if she managed to survive past all of that, no one lives up to snow's age (late 80s?) hobbling around in the woods and living off the land, especially since lucy gray was already disadvantaged by being poor and hungry her entire life, so she must have been long dead by the time the 74th games rolled around. and no one knew about d13 still existing so lucy gray certainly wasn't heading over there.

greasy sae as lucy gray does theoretically line up with ages, but like snow made trips to d12 specifically to spook katniss, so i can't imagine that sae would just have the option of going into hiding. also lucy gray had no way of returning to twelve because she probably (assuming she survived the bullet wound) believed snow would be back there, ready to hunt her down, and i think after the stricter management of d12 post sejanus's hanging, people would've noticed some random woman popping back in.

once again, lucy gray had no way of knowing that d13 existed, she wasn't going to make it all the way to an obscure, obliterated district that everyone thought was long gone severely injured, and coin is white and too young to be lucy gray. also i don't imagine some random district twelve refugee that likes bright colors and singing is going to show up to a wasteland district and become its corrupt political leader.

edit: I forgot to answer the question about the snowbaird romance. while they were extremely fast burn, dysfunctional,with so many obvious red flags, i do believe that her feelings were real, especially given how their dynamic was in the movies. she had no way of knowing that coryo's internal monologue fixated on power/status/"owning" her (at least, until it was far too late), she flirted with him a lot, he saved her life, she wrote songs about him and sang them to him... no matter how it ended i do believe that while it wasn't healthy, pure, or stable/long lasting love, she felt something along that vein for him.

[auxiliarydetective]

The OC Halloween Challenge - Day 18

You can find the challenge here!

Today's prompt was...

What’s The Opposite Of Miracles?

Places of worship are supposed to be places of good, where people go for guidance and safety, places full of good beings and devoid of sin. But what if the bad beings sneak in or the sinless place is just a hiding place for those full of sin?

Once again, inspiration struck me for this only once, so there was no poll. I simply remembered a fairly famous scene in a convent about a certain group of paratroopers and realized I needed to write something for Anita. So, here you go:

Anita felt the water run down her skin, a feeling she had missed very dearly these last few months. Week after week, day after day, huddled up in foxholes, not having showered in ages. She had tried to decline the sisters' generous offer multiple times at first. The men weren't allowed inside the living area of the sisters where they had their showers, only Anita was, because she was a woman. Usually it was always her who was denied something because of her gender, so she had tried not to abuse this situation. But in the end, after Lip had encouraged her multiple times, Captain Speirs had ordered her, and so she had taken up the offer in the end. At first she had still felt a little guilty, but the water raining down on her had washed the guilt away along with the dirt.

Anita stepped out of the shower and dried herself off, including her hair, as best as she could. She braided her hair into two braids along her head, turning them into snail-like buns above her neck, the way she had done it so many times since first putting on her jump boots. Finally, she slipped back into the same old, worn-out uniform as before, only that, beneath the fabric, she finally felt clean again.

When she stepped out of the shower room, she was greeted by a whistle and a familiar voice:

"Heeey, Anita! Lookin' sharp! Ready to perform a striptease again?"

Anita scoffed, the response coming out as a reflex:

"Shut up, Skip."

But then she remembered. It hit her like a mortar shell directly to the heart, exploding her flesh without harming it at all, yet the pain was the same. Everything that she had miraculously managed to ignore during her shower came back to her now, all at once. Immediately, tears formed in her eyes. She was frozen in place, couldn't move, couldn't think, only remember.

"You don't wanna talk to your old pals?" Another voice asked, clearly that of Alex Penkala. "Come on, it hasn't been that long."

Shakily, Anita managed to turn around. Behind her stood Skip Muck and Alex Penkala, clothes and bodies stained by dirt and remains of a mortar shell. But there was no blood. Immediately, Anita started sobbing, doubling over.

"Sh," Alex said softly. "It's okay, don't cry."

"Please, don't cry," Skip continued. "We can only have one person see us, so, please, keep quiet if you can."

Anita nodded, covering her mouth with her hands, trying to steady her breathing. This couldn't be real. It had to be a hallucination. By everything she knew, she had probably gotten shot during Dike's awful attempt at an assault on Foy, and everything after that had been either something she was cooking up during a coma or her way of dealing with the journey to the afterlife. Whatever it was, she wasn't going to resist. Even if she was definitely only imagining Skip and Alex being there, she was going to cherish every minute she had with them. They sat down against a wall together, Anita in the middle, Skip on one side, Alex on the other. Their arms touched hers, an odd coldness radiating off of them like a foggy mist. She didn't comment on it, and neither did she mention the fact that they were supposed to be dead. They definitely were dead. But she feared that saying it out loud would cause their apparitions to disappear.

Just as that thought crossed her mind, Anita saw silhouettes around her. She recognized them immediately, having grown so used to identifying them in pitch black nights. Donald Hoobler, Kenneth Webb, Harold Webb, Herron, Mellet, Sowosky... They were the fallen of Bastogne and Foy. All of them gathered together, sitting down in a circle on the floor.

"So, what did we miss?" Skip asked, throwing Anita a smile.

So, Anita started to tell them everything, trying not to sob too much. She couldn't stop herself from crying, the tears steadily flowing down her cheeks, dropping down onto her uniform. All the while, she kept talking, as if there were nothing odd about the situation at all. She summarized the action of the last few days like she would to someone who had just gotten back from the aid station. Nevermind the fact that these people had been even further away. After she was done recounting the events of Foy, they started reminiscing about Toccoa, about Aldbourne, D-Day, Holland... That was until there were steps down the hallway. One by one, the images of her brothers in arms faded as Anita gave them one last smile, doing her hardest to swallow her cries.

"There you are."

"Johnny," Anita replied, giving him her best fake smile. It was just now that she realized how exhausted she actually was. She felt like she couldn’t get up, so she stayed right there, on the ground, where she had been surrounded by fallen friends only a few seconds ago.

"You were expecting someone else, huh?"

"Kinda. But it’s not a bad surprise." Anita patted the floor next to her, prompting Johnny to sit down where a corpse had been sitting a minute before.

"I was starting to think you'd drowned yourself in the showers. I wouldn’t blame you. Nice way to die, compared to out there. At least it's warm. I was worried you'd had the same thought."

"What, and take Don down with me? You know damn well that, at this point, if I die, Don’s gonna follow right behind. I can't do that to him. He's gotta live."

"So do you. Your dad would be losing his only daughter, Arizona would lose a hell of a performer, and we'd all be losing a great friend. Some even more than that."

Anita smiled and shook her head. "You'd be losing your chance at seeing me naked is what you'd do."

"I didn't say that but you did promise that you'd perform for us one day. All the way back in Aldbourne, a few days before D-Day."

"And as long as there's one Toccoa guy still alive, I'll keep that promise."

"See? You don't get to die."

"Hm."

They sat in silence for a while, just staring down the hallway and enjoying the warmth of being inside after so long. But the memory of Skip, Penkala and the others didn't want to leave Anita alone.

"Johnny, do you believe in ghosts?" she finally asked.

Johnny shrugged. "Can't say I've ever seen one. But I could've sworn I heard you talking to someone on my way here and then there was just nobody there."

"I was talking to Skip and the others," Anita admitted before she'd had any time to think about it. "I figured they might wanna know Dike is gone, maybe celebrate a little now that they're not busy fighting anymore."

Johnny scoffed and shook his head. "I hope they get beer in the afterlife. They can make a toast to Dike's incompetence and send a poltergeist to trip 'im up."

Anita sighed. "Please don't tell anyone I talked to dead people, I don't want a Section 8. I'd rather bite a bullet than that."

"I'll stay quiet."

"Be honest, do you think I'm insane?"

"No, I just think you’re tired and you need to sleep." Johnny patted her back, then got to his feet, holding a hand out to her. "C'mon, up we go." Anita took his hand and let herself be pulled up from the ground. "Go cuddle with your boyfriend, hm? Maybe it'll help you both fall asleep. Last time I checked, he was sitting there like an exhausted toddler with a beard. I think he needs a kiss and I'm not giving it to him."

Anita smiled. "I get it. Do you need a kiss? Special offer, you know I'm taken."

"If Don tries to beat me up tomorrow because of this, I'll steal your hairbrush."

"Jokes on you, I won’t be needing it for the next few days."

Anita gave him a quick peck on the cheek, then pulled him back towards were the others were.

"Come on, you need sleep too, otherwise you'll be permanently grumpy again."

[ofdinosanddais1]

Eugenia lies to kids about her disorder. She lies and says nothing is wrong. Just because she doesn't tell anyone to look like her doesn't mean anything. She's an influencer. She's influencing. Everyone knows she's sick, it's not a secret. Glorifying it and lying about it the way she does is deceitful to kids. "Ec says she feels fine and not sick, I'll probably be okay" never at any point is she honest about how harmful it has been to her and potentially could be to the thousands of kids watching her. If she had any kind of decency, then she'd age restrict so kids could stop watching her flash and do struggle porn. But she doesn't. Because she's not a nice person. She likes when people like you defend her like she's innocent. She's been online for years and years. she's well aware what she doing and you're one of the dummies defending her.

First of all, of course you're too cowardly to say this off anon.

Second, no one is entitled to her medical information not even you. Idgaf if she "lies" about her medical condition (AKA, her just not talking about it) because it's literally none of our business and never will be unless you are her medical team.

Third, pick up a fucking psychology book because eating disorders aren't caused by looking at people who are thin. They're caused by dysfunctional nerves in the brain. People aren't going to look at someone who's thin and automatically develop an eating disorder. People with eating disorders actively seek out content of thin/emaciated people regardless of the cause of their emaciation/thinness. So people emaciated because of cancer could be "thinspiration" for them. Should cancer patients be kicked off the internet for that?

Eugenia has a medical condition that makes her thin. She has stated that much herself. Her silence on her private medical information is not going to prevent eating disorders.

You know what does prevent eating disorders? Believing children about the emotional/physical pain they're experiencing, being there for your friends, and also understanding that eating disorders are complex as fuck and being thin is a product of their condition, not the cause of it.

Also, Eugenia routinely says "this is how my body is" which is a verifiable fact because eating disorders can influence how your body looks and eating disorders aren't a choice and "you don't need to look like me" WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU SHOULD WANT HER TO SAY.

Eating disorders will exist long before Eugenia ever comes into the picture and will exist in the exact same capacity that they are now should Eugenia disappear from the internet because they're not about being thin, they're about exerting control in an unhealthy way due to dysfunctional neurons. It's almost like mental illness is inherently complex because the brain is the most complex organ in the body.

Read a psychology book, study up on HIPAA, listen to actual fucking professionals, and stop stigmatizing eating disorders.

[alphareleasemedia]

Daily Drabbles for 10/6/24 - 10/10/24

10/6/24 Jim saw Kerri cut through the field. Nobody else was looking. The field was lined on all sides by tall trees and bushes growing closely together, so once Kerri had passed by them she was out of view. It was a good shortcut, even if they weren't supposed to enter the field. The man who owned it had often complained about kids cutting across his property. Supposedly it was full of snakes. Jim had never seen any, and apparently Kerri wasn't too concerned about them either. Still, she was taking a bit of a risk, cutting across the forbidden field.

10/7/24 Ashley stood up and brushed the dirt off her pants. The fall hadn't harmed her any, though she did now need to pick dried leaves out of her hair. Thumper had disappeared around a bend in the trail leaving Ashley all alone. Having removed the detritus of the forest floor from herself, she started up the trail after her horse. As soon as he realized Ashely wasn't on his back anymore he'd stop and wait for her. Ashley just wished he'd turn around and come back looking for her. He never did though. Just stopped where he was and waited.

10/8/24 Evie popped a purple grape in her mouth. For some reason the darker grapes always made her tongue feel fuzzy. The darker the grape, the stronger the reaction. Yellow and green grapes did it to her too, sometimes anyway, and never as strongly, but red and purple grapes were the main perpetrators. The fuzzy feeling never lasted long. And Evie never experienced any other side effects from eating grapes. Still, knowing that it was probably some kind of allergic reaction, Evie often wondered if she should even be eating grapes. She grabbed another grape and popped it in her mouth.

10/9/24 Hugh hummed a tune to himself as he mixed the cookie batter. Bentley sat on top of the fridge and intently watched all Hugh's doings. Whenever Hugh added a new ingredient, he made sure to let Bentley inspect it first. He held up the box of baking powder for the cat to sniff briefly before he measured out the requisite tablespoon's worth of the substance to add to the batter. Hugh enjoyed baking. He hadn't had much cause to before Victoria had come into his life and he was grateful for the opportunity. It was so very normal after all.

10/10/24 Cholo grabbed an apple and took a big bite out of it. It was crisp and juicy, just the way he liked them. Ana didn't care for apples. Not unless they were baked into something. Peaches were her fruit of choice. Unfortunately, they didn't often get the chance to buy peaches. They had more apples than they could possibly eat though. It was good that Cholo liked apples. He could eat several a day. Ana was always baking with them. Making all kinds of pies, pastries, cakes, cobblers, and even breads for them to eat, but mostly to give away.