#she can do a little burglary

[perfectcherrybomber]

was rereading fds

now that im viewing all these chapters one right after the other, im noticing wow marisa gets tied up a lot

free my girl she's done nothing wrong

[stevieschrodinger]

Part One Two Three

“Ow, not so hard man.” Eddie seems to be absolutely fascinated with Steve’s leg hair. Which, okay, Steve kind of understands, Eddie has neither legs nor leg hair, so he gets why it would be weird. He kind of wishes Eddie wouldn’t tug quite so hard though.

Eddie’s just demolished a big bowl of green things, and Steve’s sitting on the edge, legs dangling in the water where Eddie’s hovering, touching Steve’s skin with his slightly warmer than pool water temperature fingers. He’s scratching a little too, but it’s only a tiny bit, very gently, so Steve doesn’t mind. Eddie clearly doesn’t intend to harm him, and seems more fascinated with the thin white lines he’s leaving on Steve’s tanned skin.

Eddie gives a particularly vicious tug, Steve jerks, “Ow! Fuck. No, no more. Finished.” He sits up, pulling his legs clear of the water, waving Eddie away.

“Inied?”

“Yeah, finished. Ow. It hurts. You hurt me.”

Eddie tilts his head, swimming closer, “Steeee. Ow.”

Steve sighs, “Yes, ow. I’ll be back later.”

“I’m sure. Steve is the only one who feeds him, right?”

Steve and Robin both nod.

“Right, so, from his point of view, if he interpreted that as Robin trying to like, harm Steve, then his food supply would be jeopardized. He's just, resource guarding or whatever.”

“So...no play fighting within Eddie flopping distance?”

Dustin nods, “pretty much yeah, anything that could be interpreted as risk to Steve, I guess. Or, when Robin is here, she takes Eddie his food. Or anyone really, anytime anyone else is here. That way Eddie will start to see Steve isn’t his only resource.”

“Okay, yeah, that’s probably a good idea anyway,” Steve easily agrees, the now bare patches on his shins are still kind of stinging.

Robin returns with her bowl still full of veg, “he just won’t touch it. There’s still peas floating in the pool from last time.”

Steve sighs, “I really don’t know why he’s being like this.”

“Maybe he’s just pissed at me,” she shoves the bowl at Dustin, “you try.”

They all watch through the window as Dustin heads to the pool. They can tell from how he’s standing that Eddie’s at the end furthest away. Dustin kneels, tries offering things. It’s not long before he quits and comes back.

“How long did it take before he would eat? Maybe we just need to persevere?”

Robin disagrees, “once we figured what he would eat, it was pretty much straight away he was taking stuff from Steve.”

“Okay, so maybe it’s like, a trust thing, so if we stick this out long enough, eventually he will get hungry enough to give in, right?”

“We’re not doing that,” it just immediately strikes Steve as cruel, “he’s not put on enough weight yet for us to be fucking with his food supply.”

“Okay...okay yeah.”

Steve blinks awake. He’s not sure what woke him, but he’s almost certain he just heard something. He lies still straining to listen and yeah, he definitely heard something. Something or someone moving around downstairs. Steve quietly shifts, groping for the nail bat leaning against the wall as he slides out of bed, his heart feels like it's crawling up into his throat. He almost hopes it's a regular old burglary and not, like, monsters.

He creeps downstairs, luckily he was already sleeping in a tank top and shorts. He’s nearly to the bottom of the stairs when he hears it; a clunking noise and then, “Steee.”

He carefully puts the bat down immediately; figures Eddie got into the house somehow. Steve allows himself a moment to calm down, breathe deep and slow for a minute even as, in his head, he's calling Dustin a little shithead and blaming him for leaving the back door unlocked.

At the bottom of the stairs he can peer around the corner to see Eddie sitting in the hall. It’s light enough for Steve to make out that Eddie’s sitting quite tall, his tail curled into an ‘s’ shape underneath him. He has the phone from the hall side table held carefully next to his head, exactly like...well...like a regular person on the phone would, and while Steve is there, he says, “Steee,” uncertainly into the receiver.

For a moment, Steve is tempted to sneak up to the phone in his parents room and lift the receiver so he can answer Eddie, but quickly dismisses it; Eddie’s limited vocabulary makes it kind of pointless, anyway.

“Hey Eddie,” Steve steps off the bottom step.

“Stee!” Eddie turns to Steve, it's almost strange to see him without his sunglasses on now, and his eyes reflect what little light there is in a strange, silvery flash. He seems to remember then that he's holding something, forgotten for a second with the clear excitement of finding Steve, and he replaces the receiver on the cradle with surprising care; Steve wonders vaguely if he was just listening to the dial tone.

Eddie moves through the house, walking on his hands and using a unexpectedly efficient twist of his tail to push him along; he’s much more comfortable on land than Steve would have given him credit for. He stops and looks back, clearly waiting for Steve to follow him. Steve does. Dutifully following Eddie through the house, and it’s not until Steve’s at the door that he realizes it's not Dustin's fault at all – the spare key is in the lock. He doesn’t keep one out front – that’s just asking for trouble – but he keeps one out back. One that is only for absolute emergencies only, and it’s very specifically under the third plant pot along. Eddie must have seen Robin or one of the kids let themselves in and then just...worked it out for himself.

Well, huh, Steve thinks as he follows Eddie out into the yard and across the grass, past the pool and along to the tree line.

Steve wonders vaguely if Eddie actually does this often, getting out of the pool and exploring at night; he doesn’t seem to struggle, and he clearly knows where he’s going, passing through the tree line at the bottom of the yard and then a little further in.

Eddie comes to a stop, and when Steve gets there he sees what Eddie is looking at. It’s a bird. A pigeon probably, like a wood pigeon or something, if Steve’s very limited knowledge of birds is to be believed. It’s lying on the grass, clearly dead.

Steve crouches and watches as Eddie, very gently strokes the fluffy breast feathers of the bird, “Ow. Inied.”

Steve sighs he guesses finished is one way to put it, “yeah, yeah buddy. Uhm. Dead,” Steve pulls Eddie’s hand away, “dead. Don’t touch it. It’s dead.”

“Dead,” Eddie cocks his head.

“Yeah,” Steve yawns, getting sleepy again now the adrenaline’s died down and there’s clearly no danger, “come on, back to bed. Or, you know, the pool.”

Eddie’s reluctant to move at first, but then does when Steve gestures, sliding soundlessly back into the water.

“See you tomorrow buddy.”

“Budidy. Edidie.”

“Yeah, near enough.”

“Do you think he killed the bird?”

“Nah, there wasn’t any obvious like, injury or anything. And you should have seen how gentle he was with it Robs...it was like he felt bad, you know.”

She hums in agreement, “he must have seen someone at the lab use a phone, do you think?”

Steve figured the same, once he’d finished his night’s sleep and actually pondered on it. “Pretty sure he doesn’t know how to actually use it, he was just copying. But the fact that he worked out they were using it to talk to other people, that’s pretty smart, right?”

“Maybe we can teach him to use it?” Robin eats more waffle with her fingers, smearing the broken up bits through the cream. They’re sitting out on the pool chairs for breakfast.

“Dunno, numbers and stuff. A walkie though? I think he might be able to-”

“Steee! Steeee!” Eddie calls him from the water, arms resting on the sides. He’s smiling, looking happy, shades firmly in place today.

“What buddy?”

Eddie points confidently at the sky, “dead!”

Steve looks up; birds. There’s birds flying over.

“Oh no- birds. Eddie those are birds.”

He looks so confused, but Steve suddenly has an idea, “where you going dingus?”

“Be right back a second,” Steve heads into the lounge and runs his fingers along the lowest shelf of books, easily finding the thick children's encyclopedia he got for his birthday one year when he was little. He’s never even opened it, thought it was a shit present, but it’ll do for this.

He opens it on his way back to the pool, finding a page with a big colorful picture of loads of birds on it, sitting by the side of the pool where Eddie can see, “bird.”

“Buurd,” Eddie drags the word out, definitely making it more than a ‘u’ than an ‘i’ sound, but it’s definitely near enough.

“Yeah that’s right,” Steve lays the book out on the edge of the pool, “don’t get it too wet.”

Eddie tilts his head, “et.”

Steve slaps the water, “wet. Uhm.” Tapping the book, Steve says, “finished.”

Eddie looks at his hands, frowning.

“Right, wait,” Steve goes and grabs a towel, left forgotten on a pool chair, and brings it to the edge, “here,” Eddie’s close enough for Steve to take his hands easily, “wet,” after a moment of ruffling Eddie’s hands with the towel, Steve tells him, “dry.” Then he taps the book, “dry. Wet finished.”

He waits to see what Eddie will do, but he holds his hands carefully out of the water before he lifts himself to touch the book.

Steve turns to a page at random, showing Eddie a page with all sorts of big cats on it, lions and tigers and stuff like that, “go on, you do it.”

Steve gestures at Eddie, and, cautiously as he lets his elbows take his weight, Eddie carefully turns the page.

Part five

[breannasfluff]

Running the flower store is a nice break. Danny’s got to do a bit more math than expected–no, Mr. Lancer, that doesn’t mean percentages were useful–but Harleen didn’t lie about the job. He sells the odd book, waters the plants, and moves the bouquets in and out of the flower fridge. 

On the second day, someone comes whirling into the shop, slamming the door behind him.

“Hi, can I help you?” Danny has on his best customer service face. 

The guy spins around and does a double-take like he wasn’t expecting to see Danny. “Who are you?”

“I work here. Are you looking for a book or flowers?”

The guy has dark hair, almost black with a hint of brown in the sun and blue eyes. He’s bulky enough that he likely works out. Laugh lines are starting at the corner of his eyes. “Where’s Harleen?”

“She’s on vacation for a few days. I’m watching the store for her in her absence.” Danny can’t help but tense, keeping a sharp eye on the stranger. What if he intends to rob the store? Danny’s got his taser, but that won’t help from behind a counter. Subtly, he reaches for intangibility, keeping it ready on a moment’s notice. He’s not about to get shot–again.

“I’m Dick,” the guy says. “Sorry about the interrogation. It’s just…Harleen never takes a vacation. She must trust you to watch the shop.”

Danny shrugs because he really has no connection with the girl. “It’s just a job. Can I help you with anything else?” He’d really prefer Dick finish his maybe-or-maybe not legitimate business and leave. 

“Right!” Dick swings back to look at the rest of the store. “I am going to see my friend later, it can’t hurt to bring some flowers. Got a suggestion?”

Normally, Danny would join the customers as they look at flowers, offering what suggestions he can. Now, he stays firmly behind the till. “The daisies are a nice pop of color. We have a few bouquets of dry flowers if you want something that lasts longer.”

Dick hums and considers the flowers. “Maybe the daisies.”

Danny rings him up, still keeping an eye on Dick. “I’ll let Harleen know you dropped by looking for her.”

“I’d appreciate it. Do you know when she’ll be back?”

He does, but there’s no way he’s telling. Who knows why Dick wants to know–if that’s even his name? “She’ll be back soon.” He defaults to his blandest smile. 

Dick wilts slightly under it, pulling the daisies toward him. “Okay, thanks. See you later.”

Not if Danny can help it. Maybe he should stay late tonight, just to make sure the guy doesn’t come back and try to break in. Explaining how he fended off a burglary might be a little difficult, but Harleen doesn’t deserve to have her shop trashed. And if she’s a friend of Pam’s, then she can be an acquaintance–friend?–of Danny’s.

Harleen laughs so hard she’s wheezing when Danny warns her about “Dick” and his off-vibes. 

“I’m guessing you know him,” he says, giving her a scowl. He’s been practicing his scowls. Batman’s famous for them. 

“Do I ever!” Harleen cackles, half lying across her counter. Finally, she hauls herself up with a grin. “No wonder Pam likes you.”

“Couldn’t let this place get robbed.”

“You did good, Dan, don’t worry. I appreciate you watchin out for the store.” She glances around at the plants and books with a soft smile. “This place is my baby. It’s nice to just have a…normal job. I’m laughin because Dicky is probably the most harmless person to come into this store and you clocked him as a robber.”

Danny sniffs and looks away. He’s learned to listen to his instincts and his instincts said that guy was Trouble with a capital T. Maybe it’s the kind of trouble Harleen likes, but he’s not about to get mixed up in it. 

Read the rest here!

[i-made-a-bg3-blog]

Look, it’s not like Astarion intended on becoming a Harper, it’s just - well, burglary and pickpocketing are a little more difficult when you can’t enter homes without an invitation or go outside during the day, and he’s grown rather accustomed to a certain elevated lifestyle. There are other places he could turn to for money: the city owes him an estate and a title at the bare minimum. But, there’s something to be said for self-sufficiency, and, though he hates to admit it, he wouldn’t make it through three weeks as a noble without being bored out of his mind.

The Harpers need warm bodies (or cold ones, as it were) to rebuild their ranks after Orin’s doppelgangers, and Jaheira’s a savvy old crone who never learned to take no for an answer. She pinpoints Astarion’s two weak spots: a heavy coinpurse and kidnapped children, street kids, the kind no one would miss.

They’re decidedly amateurish criminals, and it doesn’t take him long to track them down and dispatch them, messily and painfully. Four children sit huddled in a cage, and Astarion knows he must look every bit the monster as he picks the lock with hands covered in gore, but they don’t shy away in fear when he opens the door. One of them slips his chubby little hand into Astarion’s and refuses to let go until they reach the safehouse. It’s…odd.

“Good work, Harper,” Jaheira tells him after, and Astarion makes it explicitly clear that he’s simply an independent contractor, an expensive one. 

Jaheira just smirks like the witch she is.

So he contracts. He infiltrates the Guild (and feels insulted when Nine Fingers doesn’t recognize him; he’d like to think he’s rather unforgettable), foils an assassination plot or three, even teams up with Minsc and a turncoat Thayan to stop a gaggle of Red Wizards from doing…whatever it is they do. It’s a good business, he supposes. A hero’s reputation is a small price to pay for a hero’s coffers.

Jaheira’s wise enough to know when to hang up her blades, and it makes her more of an insufferable busybody than ever, which - somehow - becomes Astarion’s problem. First, it’s his own cell, then suddenly he’s the field contact for four others. He’s dragged to the most dreadfully tedious logistical meetings imaginable. The only reason he agrees to any of it is that Jaheira can turn an offhand comment and a raised eyebrow into the kind of challenge that itches beneath Astarion’s skin. It should be all too familiar and just as unwelcome, that burning need to prove himself, but it’s not. It’s different, perhaps, when he isn’t being set up to fail.

Jaheira passes away peacefully in her sleep at the ripe old age of one hundred and ninety-two, and Astarion’s convinced he can hear her grumbling about that all the way from the Fugue Plane. She would have rather gone out fighting, but, privately, Astarion feels like she deserved something gentler than bleeding out on a battlefield. He never did tell her how much he admired her (though he doubts she would have appreciated such open sentiment: ‘I did not realize I looked so terrible that you’ve already started my eulogy.’), but she must have known. He thinks he’s really going to miss her.

Right up until the moment Rion is handing him a pin and leading him to a library full of dossiers and documents. Then, he’s ready to cross the Astral Sea just so that he can bring her back and kill her again. Independent. Contractor. What part of that did she not understand? 

He goes home and locks the door with the full intention of ignoring every Harper that comes knocking. But Harpers are nosy little shits, and after he nearly disembowels one who surprises him by breaking into his house just to tell him the most idiotic plan to dismantle a smuggling ring he’s ever had the misfortune of hearing, he realizes hiding isn’t going to be an option. Besides, Astarion cannot be privy to such levels of incompetence and sit idly by. 

So he helps. Provisionally. Just long enough to find a decent replacement, and then he can wash his hands of the whole thing.

Unfortunately, it’s not as easy a task as he had hoped. Every potential candidate lacks something: consistency, creativity, confidence, the common sense to understand Astarion’s eminently logical filing system. It takes him three decades to accept that not only is he excellent at the job, but that he enjoys it immensely. 

When they make him take a title, he chooses Spymaster. It suits him - dashing, mysterious, questionably moral, because he’s never been a hero, and it would be foolish to pretend that he is.

They all call him High Harper anyways.

[xxsycamore]

LIGHTS, CAMERA, ACTION

╰┈➤🎥 Filming with Liam Evans is a dream come true. Every line he delivers, every small movement of his sculptured forms… you're far too immersed to remain level-headed, and you're yet to see him naked. This can't be good.

Liam Evans x f!Reader • rating: E (MDNI) • tags: Porn Star AU; Porn actors; Porn Video; mentions of burglary and stalking (from the porn plot); Celebrity Crush; Cunnilingus; Oral Sex; Vaginal Sex • wordcount: 1,558 • masterlist

a/n: Special thanks to Liz (@candiedcoffeedrops) for the porn plot idea and to Drac (@drachonia) for enabling me so much. It's been a hot minute since I've been able to write anything, thank you for the encouragement guys <3

Visions of Temptation 2024/KINKTOBER DAY 1: Porn Actors AU

"Now, we can settle things nice and peacefully here, can't we? You can go ahead and call the cops on me for burglary, or you can let me try and change your mind first."

The unexpected offer nearly cracks your resolve, tense facial muscles twitching as your brow rises up just a tad. You're willing to listen, and the man in front of you notices that. He tilts his head to the side in a playful manner, unsuited for the severe situation.

"Don't try to hide it. I know your bed has been awfully empty lately…"

It definitely was a mistake, giving him the opportunity to speak. You know this must have been him collecting information for his planned theft but the thought of being stalked like this still sends unpleasant shivers down your spine. In lieu of a weapon, you hold on tighter to the phone in your hand, shooting daggers at the stranger in your bedroom. Crossing your arms in front of your chest, the long sleeves of your luxurious pink home robe suited for the lady of the house flutter around you.

"You have five seconds to change my mind."

His eyes widen slightly upon your proposition, just enough to show that enchanting magenta color. He approaches you with a feline step, and you do your best to be sturdy despite the growing anticipation. What would he do?

He gambles with his time. Whatever his course of action, he wastes too many seconds staring right into your eyes, and too little for anything else. And again, why are you hoping for anything else? He's closer now. You give no signs of resistance, and so he doesn't hold back.

A pair of lips land on your own. You don't dare breathe, and he doesn't dare invade your mouth - he's just there, a hot breath, a butterfly-light touch.

"I can treat you to some good time, and then you'll let me go. How does it sound? Think about it."

He whispers that in your ear. In response, you just slowly withdraw and take a look at him.

"And…Cut!"

A voice coming from behind you nearly makes you jump, forcing you right back into the reality of your surroundings. You got caught a little too much into that opening scene, but can you be blamed? Filming with Liam Evans is a dream come true. Every line he delivers, every small movement of his sculptured forms… you're far too immersed to remain level-headed, and you're yet to see him naked. This can't be good.

His role in this adult movie is not far from his usual repertoire. While he can transform into pretty much everything that's thrown at him, this bad-boy look fits him remarkably. A burglar breaking and entering into your home, bribing you with some good time, fully well knowing the risk he's taking and being just that confident in his skills. Liam is even more flawless when you're seeing him act up close. You're able to notice so much more this way - the way adrenaline colors his features, the daring gaze as he plays with fire - it's almost as if he's experiencing the thrill firsthand.

"You're both brilliant, I'm telling you! We'll begin the next scene with you two on the bed in the middle of undressing. Remember, Liam, nothing is decided yet. You have to win her over, to earn your freedom. Serve her like she's your mistress. You're entirely at her will!"

Tom's enthusiastic hand gestures make Liam speed up gulping the contents of his water bottle just so he can laugh at the director. You can't help but be sympathetic, he hardly needs those details after all.

"I think we got it, Tom." Liam pats his friend on the shoulder, yet his eyes never seem to leave yours. "We should keep going!"

In the commotion of spotlights being moved around the queen-sized bed in haste and cameras getting in position, you manage not to miss the intriguing little detail that Liam doesn't need any "preparation". It's hardly your first time being on set, yet you can't recall your male co-star getting a hard-on from a cliched prelude to the act…and one innocent kiss. But this really is happening, as everyone including you gets in position, and you can all but see the bulge in Liam's pants in your peripheral vision.

The camera starts rolling, however, and all you can focus on right now is making out with Liam. His hands are quickly put to work, and you know it will only get harder to be mindful of limbs blocking the view when he robs you of your concentration like that. Your robe pools on the bed around you, and Liam already has his face shoved in your chest, taking noisy mouthfuls of breather as he kisses your hot skin.

The contrast of him carefully taking off your underwear versus haphazardly discarding his own clothing only highlights how focused he is on serving you. The skillful tip of his tongue turns your nubs into hard peaks as he toys with your breasts.

By the time you're both fully nude and in the middle of another passionate kiss, your withdrawal is combined with a hand making its way towards Liam's beautiful hardness. Your insides throb at the sight of it, mind occupied with thoughts about having it inside you. Last time you had a good look at it, he was on the screen on your phone, and your hand was inside your underwear. Even now that this same hand is caressing him, you find it hard to believe…

Wait, you're not supposed to do that.

Anxiety materializes heavily in your chest, almost choking you out as you expect to hear an abrupt pausing of the scene. Feeling Liam's gaze on you, you return it, albeit with little expectation - and the shock on your features is genuine when Liam takes hold of your hand, and then of your other one, and pins you down to the bed.

He's improvising. Even if he was instructed to be completely at your mercy…

Next thing you know, Liam's head moves down between your parted legs until you find your hot centered attacked by his tongue. You sense a camera closing in to capture his performance between your legs and while in the throes of pleasure, you seem to realize this didn't spoil the scenario at all. The slight change in your dynamics doesn't mean Liam isn't as starved to please you as he was in the beginning - what's more, the measured amount of dominance in the simple gesture should be just enough to make the viewers go crazy.

You know it because it works on you.

Not a prisoner to your own worries anymore, you have little to do other than receiving Liam's masterful methods at making you soar to the heavens. The last thought lingering in your mind before you orgasm is that there simply can't be any co-star of his that has ever had to fake this.

As per the script, you have to let him pleasure you like this for some time until you start begging to be fucked - which proves to be as easy as breathing at this point, and the moment he pierces you with his cock, you can't help the full body shiver that runs through you rather noticeably. What was he bribing you for, again? Your heroine can't remember. All she cares about right now is taking her full of this handsome stranger.

Soon Tom announces another cut and you internally lament the loss of the perfect doggy position Liam had you in. For the money shot, Liam is to take you in missionary, pulling out last minute to ejaculate across your belly. You wish this burglar was a little more daring, but alas, you're not the director.

White hot takes over your vision as your head tosses back, eyes squeezed shut, orgasming one last time for the session. You don't relax just yet though, playing your next line in your head to make sure you remember it, even as you sense the hot emission of Liam's come land across your front all the way to your heavying chest. Tom is going to be happy with how this turned out.

"So? Did I manage to change your mind?"

Turning towards the smug expression looking forward to your response, you card your fingers through your disheveled hair and smirk back at him.

"I'm afraid you're in far deeper trouble now."

Despite the indication for round two, a direction who's not you decided this is where the film should end. Fair. Either way, you're likely going to feel that in your bones all the way to your home, and likely after that too.

A hand appears in front of you and you see Liam standing up next to the bed, offering you a handshake.

"Hope to work with you again someday."

You raise from your sitting position and accept his hand, giving him your best smile despite your quickening heartbeat. "Likewise. You're amazing, Mr. Evans, I hope to get close to your proficiency someday!"

Liam chuckles, leaning in just one step closer as he lowers his voice. "Just Liam is fine. And if you need any help, advice, practice, anything, just get in contact with me, okay?"

Practice…?

"Will surely do so!"

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[jelzorz]

201.

Terry doesn't have siblings. He's always wondered, quietly, what it would have been like to grow up with one; someone to get in and out mischief with, someone who's supposed to be on your side despite everything else.

Claudia had been bitter about her brother.

Terry had wondered if he'd misunderstood what siblings were supposed to be.

Then he actually starts hanging out with Soren and Corvus, and well. Now he knows.

They are both older than him and decidedly more adventurous, and it's been a tough couple of months, y'know? Things are getting better—Evrkynd is almost self-sufficient, and Katolis Castle is still being fixed up but the builders have declared it livable again, and the refugees at the Banther Lodge have slowly started to move back in. Soren is not... irresponsible per se, but he does do a lot things because he thinks they would be funny, and Terry gets dragged into it because he's dragged into everything Soren and Corvus do nowadays, and that's how he ends up in their High Cleric's newly rebuilt office dressed for burglary and feeling like a child caught red handed with a cookie jar he's not supposed to have.

"Tell me again why you were sneaking into the wine cellar dressed like thieves."

Terry looks away. Opeli is nice enough and Soren and Corvus both promise that she's not as stiff as he thinks she is, but she is a formidable woman when she's annoyed, and she is, frankly, pretty damn annoyed. Corvus, for his part, looks like he's got a headache that matches hers, and Soren looks sheepish but mostly unapologetic, but Opeli isn't asking them—

She's asking Terry.

"Uh..."

Soren nudges him. Testing the security, he mouths obviously, so obviously that Corvus sinks further into his chair and hides his face by pinching the bridge of his nose.

"We were—uh—t-testing the security?" He parrots.

"And that involves sneaking a cask of wine out through the window, does it?"

Terry actually squeaks. "Yes?"

Opeli purses her lips. Terry falters under the pressure.

"Soren just said we were going for drinks! I thought he meant we were going out, I didn't think we'd be breaking into the castle—"

"You live here," she snaps, rounding on Soren and Corvus. "If you wanted a drink, why not simply walk to the kitchens like civilised members of society?"

"To his credit, High Cleric," says Corvus tiredly, "he really did make it sound like a security test."

"The fact that there was wine involved didn't raise your suspicions."

"He didn't mention the wine to me."

There's a pause. Terry wonders if she might want a drink herself.

"Come on, Opeli," says Soren at last. "It was just a little fun. We didn't even get a drink before we got caught, and we were gonna offer you some anyway."

"Why on earth would I partake in your stolen wine?"

"It's not stealing if it's our wine," he points out, flashing one of his more charming smiles at her. "It's all fine, no one got hurt, and y'know, the maids who caught us might have freaked out a little, but now we know there's a blindspot there! You can let us off just this once."

Opeli scowls at him, and then at Corvus, and then Terry. "I expected better from you two," she mutters at them. "Soren's been doing this for years, but you two..." She shakes her head. "Just go. Walk to the kitchens in future, if you please, and dress for the stations you occupy rather than scaring the maids by dressing as burglars." She dismisses them with a wave of her hand and they file out, but not before Soren reveals one of the two bottles he had stolen and leaves it on her desk. The other he uncorks as soon as Opeli's office door shuts.

"So maybe we approach from the South Wing next time?"

"Soren!"

"Are you serious?"

He laughs and raises the bottle. "Cheers to you guys," he says taking a swig before offering it to them. "Brothers in arms, right?"

In spite of himself, Terry snorts and hides his smile behind the lip of the bottle. Brothers in arms indeed.

[thenightshadowqueen]

The best character from each longform

(in my biased opinion)

This is (obviously) a long one, so if you do want to read it, more below.

(Also I left out the Patreon plays. I might do a separate post for them later; we’ll see.)

Jimmy (Tom, Toby’s Secret Pocket)

Look, Jimmy is the best. He’s adorable. He’s the representation we as the autistic community needed. He has happy flappy stimmy hands. He can’t walk through doors. We love him. (STOPINTHENAMEOFTHELAW!!!!!)

André Beetroot (AJ, Burglary and Bobsledding)

André Beetroot (André Beetroot) was iconic the first time around, but his return as the first recurring SFTH character obviously had to be memorialised.

The boy witch (Sam, Moist and Magical)

I was tempted by the witchfinder general, but the boy witch won out with “Henry Cavill with a wasting disease” and his thick accent. Also the cheeky little look he gives his grandma (Luke) when he flips her off wins him a lot of points.

Hugh’s mum (Tom, Marigolds Bluebells and Hugh)

She’s, like, a fair bit unhinged, but she has good intentions. She’s got amazing quotes, too; “why couldn’t you have just stayed in my womb forever” and “if you love something, lock it up” are both deeply concerning, but I love them.

The wife (Tom, Murders in Space)

This one is kind of an obvious choice. I mean, her quotes are glorious, and honestly “have you ever heard of feminism, James?” gets her top spot automatically.

Mario the sheep (Sam, the Lighthouse)

Was this even a question? I love Mario intending to be a one-scene character and then being forced to star in the whole play. I love the human bits. I love “🐑fuck you🐑”. I love the sheep (aka Sam) having a fucking breakdown at the end. 10/10 all around.

Titch (Luke, the Unrelenting Aubergine)

Listen, I was very tempted by Old Lady Margery (and by Derek), but in the end, canon queer guy with commitment issues and insane amounts of blindness around his own feelings won out. What can I say, I have a type in fictional characters.

Troll Son (Luke, Wine Under the Bridge)

Everything about this character is perfect. Screaming as hello? Colourful troll as a metaphor for being queer? Correcting a geography fact? It’s got it all. It’s perfect. I love Troll Son and his wine bar in Ipswich.

Juliet (AJ, Caesar and Juliet)

Is anyone surprised? She’s a murderous girlboss. “[My mother] said you have to be careful about men; they can be corrupted with power. But what she didn’t know is that so can woman.” They can, and I’m here for it. She’s bathing in blood and her skin is glowing. I love insane women.

Watson (Sam, the Mystery of the Midnight Circus)

Watson, driven mad with grief over his divorce and his one-sided love for Sherlock, becomes a murderous clown. Am I supposed to not love this? Is there even another choice in this play? And his breakdown at the end was gorgeous.

Priscilla (AJ, Pricilla’s Final Petal)

I was very tempted by both of her mums, and also a bit by the groundsman, but ultimately, Priscilla won out. She’s the title character. She’s confused, but she’s got the spirit, and she’s working through her trauma with a buttercup and a piano lesson. Good for her.

Marty (Sam, the Evil Make-a-Wish Kid)

I considered the seven-year-old detective, but in the end, Marty won. He’s evil. He’s a make-a-wish kid. What more can I say? He’s got an iconic smirk. He burns down all the petting zoos on the entire planet (and his mum). He dies at the end. He’s brilliant.

Derek (Tom, Susan’s Holiday)

There were a lot of great options in this one, but “I like looking at the back of another man’s head” was too good to pass up. Also, I adore the whole monologue he has while he’s waiting to be buzzed in.

The gasoline salesman (Luke, Beetroots and Murder)

Okay, I know he’s only in, like, a quarter of a scene. I know that. And I can’t tell you why I love him so much but I do. He’s just. I just love him. I can’t explain it. There are so many great characters in this play, but the way he says “could be, could be” has captivated me. If you understand the way my brain works, please contact me, because I don’t.

Peter Steven (Tom, the Milkman)

I love so many characters in this play. I love Gareth, and I love the Texan bartender, and I love David the milkman. But Peter Steven is the sweetest, most traumatised little boy and I want to protect him. I will adopt him and I will never make him walk on his knees again. I will throw away the PS5 and I will let him dig up the back garden as many times as he wants.

Johnny and Janae (Luke and Tom, the Neighbour’s Under the Bed)

I know they’re two separate characters, okay, but they’re a set. I want to keep them together. And I just can’t choose, okay? They’re two autistic children whose neurodivergence presents in opposite ways, and their parents don’t know what to do with them, and oh look, I’m back to wanting to adopt traumatised children.

Captain Egbert (Luke, the Leftenmost Window)

Shoutout to the mum, but Egbert won this one. He’s, like, kind of an idiot. I’m here for it, though. He’s got the iconic “diluileayilybilyeilysilym” speech. He wants to go to the ~astral plane~ but he’s waiting for his birthday. He lets his wife dip him into a kiss even though it’s 1940. I love him.

The king (Sam, the Prime Minister’s First Day)

Listen, I love several characters from this one, but I’m going with this one. He’s unapologetically a dick. He wears impenetrable armour made from diamonds stolen from Indian subculture. He’s impossible to beat. He’s brilliant. (Also did anyone else kind of find Sam hot as the king or is that just me?)

Franz Haberburg (Sam, the Excited Chinchilla)

Obviously fuck Nazis (god I hope that’s obvious). That being said, some of SFTH’s best characters are Nazis, and this is one of them. He’s glorious. I have never seen such a brilliant rendition of a Nazi chinchilla.

The Italian detective (Tom, the Ingredients)

He can’t pronounce paella. Do I need another reason?

Chip (Sam/AJ, the Cardboard Stegosaurus)

Oh look, another traumatised child! I want it. (No, but seriously, I love Chip and his English/French seizures.) Also he’s one of the few characters who switches actors mid-play, and I love that.

Persephone (Tom, Wild Wet and Worrisome)

She’s amazing. “HEY!” is a gorgeous siren call and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. She deserved a happy ending and I’m still sad we didn’t get one. I like to think she swam to the shore and found Geoff again, and they lived happily ever after on a boat at sea, singing and not having to kill anyone.

Full Set O’Hands and his love/bother (Luke and Tom, No! I Always Loved that Caravan)

I know, I know, another set of characters, but you really can’t separate these two. They’re insane. I adore them. They’re just… Honestly, these two are comedy gold. Good for them because they are fucking timeless.

Andrew (Luke, All Eyes on Nigel)

Listen, Andrew is a naive little thing, and he must be protected at all costs. He goes through so much shit in this one, and I just want to wrap him up in a blanket and send him to rehab.

Magnus O. Puss (Tom, BUS)

Okay, this was a VERY close one between them and Arthur B. D., but Magnus is a genderqueer icon and we love them for it. Also, I feel like this is some of the most unhinged Tom content we have and I live for that.

Jeremiah (Luke, Inside the Mysterious Cube)

I was so torn because I love Bubba, too, but I’m trying to avoid putting sets of characters where possible, and Jeremiah just edged past Bubba because his death scene was gorgeous. (That is a mildly concerning reason to have a favourite, I will admit.)

Lord Lafayette (Tom, the Midnight Mystery)

You may be noticing a pattern; I adore Tom’s insane characters. We just don’t get to see that often enough. I love his very sexual flirting with Lady Lafayette (Sam). I love him making fun of the detective’s (Luke’s) shirt. I love “what does any self-respecting rich man do when he has a little boy in tights” followed by “captured—and only captured” as a save. I love him.

Dangerfield (AJ/Tom/AJ again, Once Upon a Time I Killed Mum)

I love the confusion when Tom briefly takes over as Dangerfield; it’s not often we get to see AJ understanding something that Sam doesn’t (I say this with all the love in the world). Dangerfield is so fascinating to me. He’s a “cleaner” for a crime lord, but he has mixed feelings about the things he does. I want to know how he got into it in the first place. How did he come into this life? I want to know.

Barry’s wife (AJ, the Hare who Wore a Sweater)

I don’t remember her having a name, but I could be wrong about that. She’s so sweet; she just wants to knit sweaters for the hares in peace. And then Jimmy the hare gets shot, and she and her husband go on a revenge plot. I’m here for it. I love her.

The king/tank commander (AJ, the Oopsie Daisy Bulge)

He’s obsessed with tanks. He used to have gay sex with his fellow tank commanders, but only as a joke. He sailed all the way around, through the other landlocked counties, into the east of France, and they never saw it coming. He drove tanks into the ocean. He’s so stupid he’s almost smart. I love him.

The landowner/farmer (Luke, Too Big to Be a Jockey)

He farms peasants (Luke, you genius). He’s such a dick, with his classist remarks about Johnny Jones, but somehow I love him anyway. His interview process is looking at a photo of someone and then hiring them, and he’s honestly wonderful. I love him.

Larry (Tom, Long Johns—Strike!)

Literally the only thing he does on screen is die. That’s it. That’s his whole purpose. And he does it beautifully.

Wizard Asceroth (Sam, the Dark Moons of Slough)

ASCEROOOOTTTHHHH!!! (I don’t have another reason. I don’t need another reason.)

The French waiter (Luke, Lost in Your Eyes)

I don’t know. I really don’t. But something about this character has stuck with me since the first time I watched it. Gorgeous accent. He kisses Amanda (Sam) for no reason at all. He gets stabbed by a gun. I love him.

The Lady of a Thousand Don Juans (Luke, the Meringue Haberdashery)

She tricked her husband for years. She murdered her own child. She has been a curse on all the Don Juans in this town. She’s one of the only villains who win at the end of a longform, and that’s very impressive. I love her.

Xavier (Tom, Oh my God is This a Joke?)

(Please refer to my previous statement about Nazi characters.) Okay, look. He’s a horrible person. But we as a fandom choose to disregard that because Tom looks amazing in a leather jacket and scarf. I am not above this. I am, in fact, a part of this. Tom looks amazing in a leather jacket and scarf. “I will die as I have lived…. Shirtless!” has to be one of the most iconic lines of all time. There was never any competition.

[original-art-stories]

Merlin Fanfic list>>>

For Want of a Nail by OhThereBigBadWolf. I feel like this is a BAMF! Merlin, though it isn't tagged as such. Either way, it's still a good fic. "Fleeing from Essetir in the bloody beginnings of the Purge, Hunith finds herself on the doorstep of old friends. That's all it takes to untangle the skeins of destiny and weave a new tapestry."

I suppose that I look different (Without the robes and crown) by WingedWolf21. "When Arthur blows the horn of Cathbdhah for the second time, the horn doesn’t just send Uther to the other world. It sends Arthur away as well – to a world where Ygraine never died, the Great Purge never happened, and magic lives freely at court. As do those who practice it."

Stars Above, Stones Below By Destina. "After the disastrous end of his betrothal to Gwen and the regret of his offer to Princess Mithian, Arthur swears off finding a wife until he's ready to wed. When Merlin offers himself to Arthur as bedmate, Arthur suggests they hand-fast in secret for a single year of mutual pleasure without obligation. As their year together unfolds, and secrets and betrayals unravel around them, Arthur and Merlin learn there is no such thing as uncomplicated pleasure. Everything they thought they knew could change in a single year."

Give the Dragon a Chilli by Supercalvin. Modern with Magic. "Aithusa might have been no bigger than a house cat but she was still a dragon. That meant wings, claws, and her hoard, which in Aithusa’s case included soft pillows, fluffy socks, and much to Merlin’s chagrin, stolen pants. When Merlin found out that his winged ward had stolen a rather considerable pile of clothing for her hoard, he thought that it would be the end of any kind of friendship with his neighbor. But when Merlin met the victim of Aithusa’s burglary, he was pleasantly surprised to find Arthur, a man who had never in his life seen a dragon let alone a burglarizing one, and Cavall, a curious German Shepherd puppy who was quick to befriend the little white dragon. From there, it was only the beginning."

The Student Prince by FayJay. Very famous this one, you probably know it already. Modern with Magic, BAMF!Merlin and Reincarnation. "A Modern-day Merlin AU set at the University of St Andrews, featuring teetotal kickboxers, secret wizards, magnificent bodyguards of various genders, irate fairies, imprisoned dragons, crumbling gothic architecture, arrogant princes, adorable engineering students, stolen gold, magical doorways, attempted assassination, drunken students, shaving foam fights, embarrassing mornings after, The Hammer Dance, duty, responsibility, friendship and true love..."

Dew Point by kinase. Modern with magic, BAMF! Merlin "Arthur Pendragon is as popular and successful as a sixth former can be. He hasn’t quite figured out his future yet, but it’s going to be brilliant, he’s certain. At least until some daring stranger on a cool motorcycle topples his world upside down on the first day of school. Modern magical AU".

The Wall of Arthur by supercalvin. ModernAU has no magic, but this is just adorable, I love it. "In a surprisingly good David Attenborough impression, Gwaine said, “Here you see the remarkable mating ritual of the Merlin and the Arthur. Which involves mostly insults and swearing.”

Or: How Merlin and Arthur Met and Why There is a Restroom Wall Dedicated to Arthur’s Ass"

In Love With My Radio by lunchee. ModernAU is funny and sweet. Good fic. "Merlin listens to the radio, Arthur stalks Merlin, Morgana lives to create chaos in Arthur's life, and then everyone goes to McDonalds! Also, love happens.

From the km prompt: Arthur has an anonymous blog/LJ/twitter where he posts about his life, and Merlin follows it RELIGIOUSLY. Arthur starts posting about how he's stalking this amazingly hot guy.

My Significant Bother

Merlin's job as PR junior on the royal account isn't as glamorous as people believe: Most nights, he's saving Arthur, Duke of York and black sheep of the family, from possibly committing monarchy-shattering shenanigans. When tragedy hits and Arthur is now second in line to the throne, the public doesn't react too favorably to the new Prince of Wales.

A solution has to be found and Merlin's contribution is key to the problem: Roped into posing as Arthur's fake boyfriend, he's supposed to make Arthur's popularity levels rise with his steadfast and relatable presence and elevate him from scandalous rake to romantic figure...

For Without You I Am Lost

What if… Throughout the centuries, the magic in Merlin grew? Like, every sorcerer/witch and so on has a limit for growth, yeah? Some level that they reach and that’s it. No more power for you. But Merlin /doesn’t/ since he’s not /with/ magic but instead /is/ magic. So. Like. It grew with him and he learned more and more but he’s all alone, right? Has no Anchor. So he’s doing all he can, spreading the knowledge, educating people on and about magic and for a while it works. Magic is accepted, taught, even revered all over the world. The world prospers. Peace and harmony grows. Yeah, sure, there’s baddies from time to time but in general all is well yeah?

But… All this power that keeps on growing inside. What if it… Starts corrupting him? Like. Unintentionally, bit by bit. He doesn’t even notice that some of his decisions sHOuLd seem… Wrong, maybe..? But.. Power grows and grows and morality blurs for him. After all, he’s all alone. He has no one there for him. He’s always there for the EntiRe PoPulaTion of the WoRLd, but HE’S alone.

So what if… Arthur returns because Albion’s greatest need is to be saved… From Merlin..?

We Begin Again (Series)

*** Absolute fave. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve read this series, especially the first two books ***

For many long years Merlin waited.

For the other part of his soul, for the other half of his life. He was born to serve Arthur. So that meant he was also born to wait. Even if it took a thousand years. Even if the wait seemed never to end.

Until one day, suddenly, it did.

When Arthur stumbles from the Lake of Avalon 1,500 years after his death, he finds a world unlike the one he knew. Faced with the loss of everyone he loved, and the threat of impending prophecy, Arthur must learn what it means to be not just a king, but the Once and Future King. Merlin does all he can to guide him, even as he struggles to hide his love for his king, and his fear of losing him again.

Story includes sass, banter, horseplay, & True Love.

In For Keeps

Merlin and Prince Arthur have been in a relationship for a while, unbeknownst to others. Arthur is ready to take the next step and make them official, but Merlin isn’t yet. The restrictions on his life and the mere idea of the lack of privacy seem too much for him to bear.

Separated over Christmas, overworked and overwrought, an accident befalls Arthur.

Cue a worried Merlin racing overnight on a trouble-ridden trip to Scotland on Christmas Eve.

Well, the course of true love never runs smooth...

*** I swear I’ve read these a million times ***

The Pact

The ancient Albion Pact demands that the Prince of Wales must take someone magic born as his soul-bonded consort by the time he is 30 or face death. Before he was a Detective Inspector Warlock, Merlin Emrys was young and in love and made a promise to Prince Arthur -- and now Arthur is calling it in.

The Lonely King

The Prince of Wales at his school. Merlin was sure it was all just a very bad joke. A modern royalty AU.

There Are No Gays In Football

When a deeply-closeted Arthur Pendragon finally earns a spot in Camelot's first XI, he's dead set on breaking records, not one of sport's last taboos. But life, like football, is a funny old game, and sometimes the only way up is out. Especially once he realizes he's arse over tit for the new physio.

A queer Arthurian tale of courage, love, and football.

The Difference of You

It’s not that Arthur Pendragon can’t get girls to fall for him; it’s just that he can’t seem to keep them around. Relationships and Arthur aren't on the same page at all, really, but one day there's Merlin on a bus and then it's different.

But it’s a Good Refrain

Arthur doesn't care much about the popular radio program Dragon's Lonely Hearts until his ex-girlfriend calls in to slag him off and get advice. When he calls in and has an on-air argument with the host, it starts off more than he expected, including meddling friends, over involved fans, and maybe love.

No Matter How Far Away You Roam

“I was wondering if you might come home with me.” Merlin stops mid-rant and stares at him, and then down at his panini again, and back at Arthur. This is a panini of lies and pain. He can tell already.

“For Christmas? I’ve got an uncle and a mother and a sister waiting for me at home, in case you hadn’t remembered, I’m not going home with you just because you’re a workaholic.”

“No, it’s. My mum might be under the impression that we’re a little bit married.”

In which Merlin gets conned into spending Christmas with Arthur's family and pretending to be his husband, because somehow this is his life

Magic Reveal

What I’d have done

https://archiveofourown.org/works/5013721/chapters/11522743

It’s set around season 3. It’s mostly Arthur centric and it’s really good. It’s not out of character at all and is a realistic depiction of what could have happened in cannon

These are my bookmarked favorites! I love these magic reveals!

In relief:

The Map of Honor:

By the Sword:

Dying to Return

Turn of the Tide:

 I tried to keep it plot heavy. Most are Arthur/Merlin, but a couple isn't.

Family Tree - Fic starts after defeating Cenred's forces and an army of the dead in the siege during the Tears of Uther Pendragon

Without Song - In which Arthur is envoy to a grieving family, and Merlin rides with him.

So Are They All, All Honourable Men - Merlin gets into a fight with a knight

I've come Too Far To See The End - Morgana finds out Merlin is Emrys.

Onfindan - The aftermath of Athur finding out

The Perfect Scry - Arthur finds out Merlin has magic and Merlin doesn't know he has magic. So Arthur does what any BFF would do: everything he can to keep Merlin from finding out he has magic so he don't freak out.

After Ealdor - There’s a fine line between good and evil, and Merlin wonders if he’s crossed it

Pendragon Red - Camelot is overrun by sorcerers, Uther is dead, and Arthur wonders what the sorcerer want him and Merlin so much for.

They Call Him Emrys - Bring Emrys to the Dark Tower, Morgana demands. Or Gwen will die. Canon AU that diverges in mid S5.

The Best-Laid Plans - A group of mercenaries pose as Knights of Camelot after the disaster of Agravaine and the dragon. They run into Arthur and his Knights.

The Immortal’s Encore series

Believing that he has long since failed in his destiny, an immortal Merlin decides the only way to make things right is to break the barriers of time, rewrite history, and correct his mistakes. Unfortunately, such a task is not so simple in practice. The threads of time are a slippery opponent, and people are not easily made pawns in destiny's game. And perhaps the greatest threat of them all? Merlin himself. A millenium has left him greatly changed. Is he still the man that destiny chose, or will Merlin's return only bring a new doom to Camelot with it?

Not very well known. This is one of the best fanfics I ever read. I’ve checked so many of the classics and most of the most commented, most bookmarked ones, with the most kudos. I’ve accidentally stumbled on this one and since that day I am completely obsessed with it. The best BAMF Merlin I ever read, the writing style is impeccable, the plot is smart and well planned and thought through, characterisations are on point, the consequences are realistic and so complex. I cannot recommend this enough. There are 4 works in the story so far and it’s WIP, but the writer is very productive and disciplined, the updates are happening once or twice a week.

Lay Your Head on The Shoulder of a Good Friend

With Camelot readying for the upcoming gathering of rulers of the Southern Kingdoms to discuss peace, Uther has tasked Arthur with an additional duty: befriend the Prince of Essetir and learn anything he can of King Balinor, and of magic, and of dragons, that might be of interest should the treaty not succeed.

That's easier said than done, as he and Prince Merlin don't exactly hit it off immediately. But, befriending Merlin and learning of magic and life in Essetir leads Arthur down the paths of discovering long held secrets surrounding his own birth, and his mother's ill health, and his father's hatred of all things magic.

Adding even more complications to the mix are rowdy knights, frustrating princesses, a possible traitor in their midst, and an overly-verbose dragon; not to mention the burgeoning and peculiar feelings for his fellow prince that Arthur struggles to put a name to.

I love this fanfic. It’s written by Skitz_phenom, not very well known, but this author is amazing. Incredible BAMF Merlin, Arthur & Merlin are so very well written, she/he written one of the best sexiest and steamiest scenes in Merthur fanfic world. The story is great and touches your heart. Completed.

If you will enjoy this, I highly recommend checking their other works.

N16 writes great magic reveal fanfics (not just)

There are 24 works written by this author. I haven’t read them all, but the ones I’ve checked are great. The theme of so many of N16 fanfic stories is the reveal.

To Kill a Nightmare is one of those. It include BAMF Merlin tag as well. Once again, if you enjoy it, check the other works of this talented author.

These are various lists from different individuals that I saved in a document some time ago.I need to free up space on my computer… However, I'm hesitant to delete them. I'm not familiar with all the blogs mentioned; if you recognize any, please inform me!

[lilylovelyxo]

*Batboys lost a present from Bruce to their Mom*

Collective groaning

Damian panicked: “What are we gonna do?”

Dick: “Uh, okay. What can we do? We, uh, we put a different ring in the box and voilà.”

Tim: “We don’t have another ring, Dick.”

Jason: “Okay, so, we, uh, we, we stage a burglary and in the struggle we stab Bruce. But just a little, and Mom is so glad he’s alive that she forgets about the anniversary.”

Damian: “I mean, I love that, but maybe for some other time.

Jason: “Christmas.”

[d10nsaint]

☆…ready for it? | Miguel O’Hara x black cat! reader

≡☆tags: fem reader, Miggy being sus, Comic stuff goin on but movie Miguel, yk, the norm

≡☆ a/n: I hate Taylor swift but my friend shoved this song down my throat so here I am

≡☆ Leon Kennedy ver ! (coming soon)

The moment that you saw Miguel, you knew something was wrong.

His hand was borderline hot, His eyes were protected by red glasses, and if you squinted, you could see how his eyes were…red. They were practically glowing, and if you stared for a moment longer, you were sure you’d become captured in them.

He opened his mouth a little too wide, and then thats when you were sure. You saw the fangs, sharp and unintentionally seductive.

When you asked around about him, all you found was that he was, essentially, a ghost. When you talked to his brother, he had nothing good to say about him—something about Miguel cheating on his ex and taking his girlfriend. Nothing special.

and if you thought he was the only one with suspicions, you were most definitely wrong.

He knew you were snooping. ‘seems as if he’d slipped up and you saw too much’, he concluded. But there was something about you that was off.How were you able to find so much so efficiently?

But that was the least of his worries.

There’d been a spike in burglaries in Nueva York, and as Spiderman, he had to be the one to fix it. But there was something off about them. The only targets seemed to be rich dickheads—Hell, the person had even stolen from Tyler Stone.

And as soon as you appeared, the robbing started. Of course he was suspicious of you.

Standing atop the rooftop of a building, he catches his breath. Swinging around was really a workout.

“Hiya, Miggy.”

His body tensed up before stiffily turning around and looking at you. A female figure clad in black with white fur, along nothing but a small mask covering your eyes. She was familiar.

“Who are you?”

“You aren’t denying it, Miggy?” You tilted your head to the side and giggled. The name really didnt suit him, but it was better than calling him Mike.

“Stop calling me that.”

“Sorry, I just thought we were close.Although you haven’t talked to me that much…”

“I dont like repeating myself.”

“Well, it wouldn’t be fair if i knew who you were and you didnt know who i was, would it?” You stepped closer to him and traced stars onto his Spider suit. The feeling of your long nails pressed against him left goosebumps on his skin, but he lowered his guard. If you planned to hurt him, you would’ve already.

“Don’t i look familiar? If you don’t know me already, im hurt. I thought I made a good first impression.” Your hand grabbed his and you smiled, recreating the scene from when you first met him.

“The newbie?”

“Hey, not nice.” You let go of his hand and crossed your arms, pouting your lips.

“Why are you doing this?” He leaned back onto the rail, back facing the people down below. Broad shoulders cast a shadow over you, swallowing you in the darkness of his figure. Even though his mask was on, you could make out his expression; A raised eyebrow, with a frown.

“I could ask you the same, Miguel. If you can be a ghost, why can’t I be a phantom?” You tilted your head and smiled, stepping away from him. You moved and stood near the ledge, looking down at the people beneath you, scanning the area.

His eye twitched under his suit as he tried to stop himself from letting out a sigh. Who the hell did you think you were? Strutting around and stealing from people that could kill you. You stole from your boss. The biggest question was, ‘How the hell do you get away with it?’

Before he could turn around and say anything, you spoke first.

“Sorry to cut this short, darling, but I think I should get going.” You stood on the ledge, ready to jump.

“See you around.”

tagging (I dont have a taglist, but you guys seemed to like Black cat! reader!!) : @monoeve @rubyredish

[softspiderling]

catch me or i go (houdini) | r.c.

summary: rafe witnesses a skilled burglar in the middle of the burglary. also, he can’t quiet seem to stop putting his foot in his mouth when it comes to you

pairing: rafe cameron x reader

word count: 6,6k words oops

warnings: mention of peterkin and what rafe did to her, cursing

author's note: i was listening to houdini by dua lipa and somehow got inspired to write this. also kind of lost myself in this fic bc i enjoyed writing it so much. pls leave a comment/like if you liked it and reblog to share. ily!!!

“Are you sure you want to sell it off? We can put it in storage for you.”

Rafe waved the guy off, pushing a fifty in his hand. “It’s fine, just sell it for me, I don’t want to see it again, it’s gaudy as fuck.”

The guy, Jacob or whatever, scratched his head, but seemed pleased enough with the tip that he got into the car with the rest of his team, the trucks pulling off the property.

“Fucking finally,” Rafe sighed, running his hands over his buzzed hair. The renovation of the house was his first step of distancing himself from Ward and he started by getting rid of the ridiculous furniture Rose had chosen. While Rafe knew that it was going to be a pain redecorating, he’d live in the comfort of his own space, instead of being reminded of his psychotic stepmother whenever he sat in the living room. Rafe was about to go back inside when he heard a loud crash coming from Mr. Jenkins’ property. He hesitated for a split second. Rafe never really liked Mr. Jenkins, he was a nosy motherfucker and always liked to call the sheriff’s department when the parties got a little louder than usual. But if that old fuck died right now only to be found like a few weeks later? That stench would probably sit in his nose for months. So might as well be proactive now.

Ducking between the bushes - he really needed to call the guy who trimmed their greens - Rafe jogged over to Mr. Jenkins’ property, slowing his pace when he reached the property line.

“Mr. Jenkins?” he called, trying to sneak a glance into the house, without being spotted at the same time. It’d just be his luck that Mr. Jenkins shot him in the face for evading his property.

Nothing.

Served him right for trying to do the right thing.

Rafe turned on his heel, ready to return home when he caught movement in the second story window: Someone was climbing out of the window.

Reacting quickly, Rafe ducked beneath the bushes, hiding as he watched a girl shut the window behind her, tiptoeing across the patio roof and then scaling down the gutter, all the while carrying a huge backpack. She must’ve robbed Mr. Jenkins’ house, based on her dark clothing and the red bandana covering half of her face.

Rafe’s curiosity was piqued, and he didn’t even hesitate to follow her as she snuck off the property through the yard. He kept in the shadows, not wanting to alert her to his presence as she kept a rather slow pace to keep the attention off of her. Rafe followed her a few blocks down the neighborhood, until she took a left turn into a small, dark alley, but he hid behind the corner of a house when she stopped, pulling the bandana off. Rafe stared at the side of her face, knowing he’d seen her somewhere before, but not quite remembering where from. The lighting was also not helping, as he barely could make out her features in the shadows, while she tugged a floral shirt out of the backpack, throwing it over her black top. After having fixed her outfit, she kept walking, and right as Rafe stepped out behind the house, his foot caught onto an empty glass bottle, making an unnecessary loud noise.

Rafe froze, noticing how her shoulders tensed, barely looking over her shoulder, before taking off in a sprint.

“Wait!” He called, probably the dumbest thing he could have said, running after her but even before rounding the second right corner, she disappeared.

“Fuck,” he muttered to himself, looking around, hoping to catch a glimpse of her, but nothing. One of his neighbors was outside tending to her flowers, giving him a weird look. Rafe only let out a polite chuckle, giving her a wave before he turned on his heel, making his way back home.

“How the fuck did she just disappear into thin air?” He muttered to himself. As he walked through his gate, he couldn’t help to peek over to Jenkins’ house if the old man was home already, but the house was still dark. Rafe tried to get back to work looking at new furniture, but his mind kept going back to the thief. As the sun started to set Rafe finally heard Jenkins’ Aston Martin pull into his drive way, and he figured it wouldn’t take long until the sheriff’s department showed up.

Minutes went by, then hours, and Rafe started to wonder if there was some other case Shoupe had to attend to, must be a real big case if he couldn’t even spare one deputy to check out Jenkins. Then again, Rafe would’ve had heard about it. Kildare wasn’t that big. It was already dark by the time the sheriff’s car pulled up on the street. Shortly after, the bell rang and as inconspicuously as possible, Rafe opened the door, feigning surprise.

“Shoupe. What brings you here at this hour?”

The sheriff only looked at Rafe unimpressed. He was pretty sure that Shoupe still resented him for the entire Peterkin thing, but innocent until proven guilty, right?

“Rafe… There was a break in at Mr. Jenkins’ house and I’m just here to ask if you saw anything suspicious,” Shoupe said, flipping open a small notepad.

Rafe rubbed his chin, sighing. “A break in huh? That sucks. I haven’t heard anything, though, sorry that I am of no help. What was stolen?”

“Jewelry that belonged to his late wife. The thief broke into the safe and completely emptied it. Took all the cash, too,” Shoupe said, scribbling something down on his notepad before looking at Rafe again.

“Bummer… I’ll let you know though, if I happen to remember something,” Rafe added.

Shoupe let out a grunt, stuffing his notepad away and turned to leave. Rafe stood in the doorway, hesitating, before calling out.

“Hey Shoupe.”

He turned around, raising a brow at Rafe.

“What took you guys so long?”

“What do you mean, son? We got here as soon as Mr. Jenkins called us.”

Huh.

“Really?” Rafe said, thinking. “Sorry, I just thought Mr. Jenkins has been home for a while now and you’re just now questioning me. Was wondering how fast you would get here if I had a problem.”

Shoupe eyed him suspiciously. “Mr. Jenkins didn’t notice the break in until an hour ago, his security system was active when he got home, so he had no reason to suspect anything…. You sure you didn’t see anything?”

“Positive,” Rafe insisted. “Have a good night, Shoupe.”

The sheriff stood on the porch for another second before he left with a small headshake, leaving Rafe with his thoughts as he shut the door. The thief must have been a pro. Bypassing the security system and taking just enough to delay the sheriff’s department from investigating? That wasn’t an easy feat. To say that Rafe was intrigued was an understatement. The way she moved with such stealth and precision proved how she knew her way around sneaking in and out. There was no way this was her first hit. He wondered what motivated her to rob the house, if she was just a plain poor Pogue, or a Kook, doing it for the thrill of it.

Rafe had to find out more about the thief. Even two drinks in, he still had to think about her. And when he set his mind on something - or someone - there was no getting past it. He knew it was going to haunt him until he figured it out. Figure her out. Problem was, how the fuck would he? Right, Kildare wasn’t that big, but it wasn’t like he could just waltz around looking for her either. And chances are she was just some tourist, looking for some fun. Before he could start forming a plan to find out who she wa, his phone buzzed, distracting him.

Top: scarlet’s throwing a party tonite. u in?

Rafe thumbed at his screen, having half a mind to decline the invitation, but when he looked up, taking in the empty room, he almost got depressed. Why was he sitting on the fucking floor, thinking about some random girl he was probably never going to see again? Downing the last of his drink, he texted Top that he’d see him at Scarlet’s.

By the time Rafe arrived, the party was already in full swing. Weaving through the crowd, he greeted the familiar faces, gravitating towards the living room where he knew Scarlet’s father kept the expensive stuff.

“Hey Rafe!”

Lifting his head, he saw Topper on the couch with some girl, waving him over. Rafe took his time walking over, because what was he, a dog?

“’sup Top,” he greeted his friend with a light slap to the shoulder. “Give me your drink.”

“Alright, damn bro,” Topper said, handing Rafe his drink, before gesturing over to you, introducing you to him. Rafe gave you a nod as you smiled shyly at him, not bothering to exchange pleasantries. The last thing he needed right now was you simpering over him, no matter how pretty you were.

“Right, so where were we…” Topper said, apparently picking up the previous conversation you were having before Rafe joined them. “Are you leaving for university anytime soon?”

“Uh… No. I could go, but I don’t want to leave my mom all by herself, you know,” you answered, tucking your hair behind your ear. You looked like you’d rather be anywhere else but at this party. Rafe gave you a quick once over as he sipped on Topper’s drink. You were pretty, he figured. Maybe a bit mousy for his taste, with the shirt under your dress and a denim jacket on top? Other girls your age would have worn only the dress and maybe even cut a slit in it, just for the sake of it. Rafe’s brows furrowed as he looked at you more closely, pausing.

“… I know you?”

Topper gave him a very unsubtle look as he chuckled awkwardly, trying to play his friend’s rudeness off, while you just sat there, your back ramrod straight, smiling at him bashfully.

“She used to go to school with us? Then uh… Transferred during her senior year.”

Squinting his eyes at you, Rafe tried to think back to his school years, before realizing.

“Right, your dad embezzled like millions of dollars from his company right?”

Topper cleared his throat, looking up at the ceiling and you only smiled tightly at Rafe, the corners of your mouth not quite reaching your eyes.

“Um.. I think I’ll grab a drink, Topper,” you said, excusing yourself, quickly disappearing between the people. Topper waited until you disappeared to elbow Rafe into the side, who only smirked into his drink.

“What’s her deal?”

“Are you joking?” Topper asked with a sigh, pinching his nose. “You can’t just say shit like that man, it’s obvious she’s embarrassed. Why would you bring up her father?”

“Get off your high horse, it’s not like I embezzled a bunch of money,” Rafe huffed, shoving Topper off of him with an eyeroll. He knew that Topper was frustrated with him, but honestly, why would he care if he hurt your feelings. Topper inhaled deeply and Rafe just knew that an lecture was incoming.

“She’s a good kid. Lives just on the outskirts of the Cut now with her mom. I guess they can still afford to live on Figure 8, but her and her mother are too embarrassed to come back after all of their money was seized and her father got locked up in jail. Which is probably why we never see her around. Now, we’re definitely going to see her less because you’re such a dick.”

Rafe was only half-listening to Topper, processing what he had just been told, the gears in his head turning.

“Wait, what?” he asked, sitting up straight and looked at Topper, finally taking the conversation seriously. “How would they still be able to afford living on Figure 8 when all of their assets were seized?”

Topper shrugged his shoulders. “How the hell should I know? I’m just telling you what she told me.” He glanced to the back and paused, before looking back to Rafe. “She’s coming back. Just… Think before you speak.”

If this was any situation, Rafe would’ve probably bit Topper’s head off for being told what to do, but for once, Rafe decided to lean back and listen. A short while later, you slipped past a kissing couple, joining them on the couch, holding onto a red solo cup with both hands.

“What kind of toxic waste did Scarlet mix you?” Rafe asked as some sort of peace offering.

“Oh this?” you lifted your cup, laughing awkwardly. “It’s juice. Don’t really like alcohol.”

Rafe almost choked on his whiskey, and he let out a cough, trying to hide his surprise while Topper only leaned his head back with an exasperated look on his face, you only stared at him with an open mouth.

“Sorry, went down the wrong pipe.”

After that, Rafe didn’t ask you that much, letting Topper lead the conversation and instead just soaking up information about you. In the brief interaction he had with you, Rafe somehow got the feeling that you didn’t like him that much. He didn’t even know why.

Okay, he knew why. But honestly, he was just asking what everyone would ask, right?

When Rafe got home from Scarlet’s, he didn’t know that much more from you. After he really started paying attention to you, he realized that you never really divulged that much information about yourself, despite answering all of the questions. You were much smarter than Rafe had previously assumed. He wondered how many people you had fooled. But all of this was still a theory, and he had to put that to a test.

The next day, Rafe spent his morning asking the neighborhood about your family, disguising it as friendly neighborhood chatter and it was really far too easy. If there was one thing one needed to know about the people living on Figure 8 is, that they loved to yap.

“- just dreadful. That poor girl. Her mother took her out of the academy in her senior year and now they live next to Franklin Stewart on the other side of the island…” Susannah shook her head as she feigned distress, but Rafe didn’t believe an ounce of the compassion she was showing. She used to be best tea buddies with Rose, that really said it all.

“Oh man… I really hope her family is doing alright,” Rafe said stuffing his hands in his pockets. “Anyways… Thanks for the chat, Mrs. Cooper. I’ve kept you long enough.”

She only waved him off with an obnoxious laugh, “Please, don’t you worry about it. Give Rose my best wishes, okay?”

Rafe gave her a smile, which immediately dropped as soon as he turned to leave. “What a bitch,” he muttered under his breath, walking back to his house. At least it paid off having to talk to Susannah, since he now knew where you lived. He didn’t ponder over it long before he got on his bike, riding over to the Cut. As the mansions and well groomed front yards slowly turned smaller, one might say modest, he couldn’t imagine downgrading from Figure 8 to the cut. Though, now that he thought about it, he figured his family was pretty close from having to give up their life on the north side of the island. Rafe let his bike roll to a stop when he reached Franking Stewart’s house, laying his eyes on the only neighboring house.

It was pretty okay for a house on the Cut. Still on the cut, though.

He took off his helmet, placing it on his bike and getting off, walking in front of his house, contemplating his next move, when the door suddenly opened and a person exited. For a split second, he thought it was you, but upon closer inspection, he realized that it was your mother. She tugged a sun hat on, before pausing when she saw Rafe on the street.

“Can I help you?”

Rafe rubbed the back of his neck.

“Uh, sorry. I didn’t mean to bother you… I’m Rafe, a friend of your daughters…” He said, approaching the house to avoid yelling all over the street.

Your mother beamed at him. “Really? I barely get to meet any of my daughter’s friends. She’s not home right now, but would you like to come in for a glass of lemonade?”

Rafe hesitated. On the one hand, it would be a perfect opportunity to find out more about your situation, and if you really were the thief like he suspected. On the other hand, if you happened to come home while he was still there, you’d immediately know that there was something going on. Then again, high risk, high reward?

“Sure, I’d love to.”

Rafe followed your mother into your quaint home, and while your mother was blabbering away, he took the time looking around the kitchen.

“- she’s a good girl, bless her. A bit too serious, though. I always try to encourage her to live a little, you know?” your mother handed Rafe a glass of ice cold lemonade, which he gladly accepted. He was a sucker for a good old homemade lemonade.

“She is a bit shy,” Rafe agreed with your mother, only making her laugh.

“And very headstrong. Which is why it’s so hard for me to get her to change her mind on anything. I’m just so upset that she took the whole thing with her father so hard… The burden of that really shouldn’t fall on her shoulders. Ever since we moved out here, she got more withdrawn, angry. I know she’s still upset, but I really feel like she’d be happier if she got out of her shell again.”

Hm. Maybe you were stealing to help your mother pay the bills, help your family stay afloat.

“Yeah, I’d know a thing or two about that.”

Your mother laid her eyes on Rafe, smiling sadly.

“I was very sad to hear about your father’s passing. I didn’t know him very well, but I’m sure he was a good man.”

Rafe almost scoffed, because only if she knew, but the noise died in his throat when your mother gave him a shoulder squeeze, rubbing his back.

“I hope you’re alright, honey. It’s hard to lose a parent at such a young age.”

His hand tightened around his lemonade glass, the coldness somewhat settling him down. He hasn’t felt the touch of a caring parent for a long time. “Thank you,” he pressed out, giving your mother a stiff smile. “Um… I should go. Don’t want to cause any more of an inconvenience,” he said, standing up.

“Oh please, don’t worry about it, I always love to meet my daughter’s friends.”

Your mother led him out of the house, and when Rafe passed the staircase that lead upstairs, his eyes caught a very familiar floral shirt tossed carelessly on the bottom of the stairs. Your mother followed his eyesight, palming her forehead, embarrassed.

“Oh god, please forgive the mess. I always try to tell her to keep her things in order,” she quickly said, picking up the shirt and hanging it over her arm. Rafe however only waved her off, giving her a charming smile.

“Don’t worry about it, it’s just a shirt.”

After bidding good bye to your mother, Rafe drove to the nearest beach, shutting his bike off to take moment to process. The shirt confirmed his suspicion, you were the thief he saw breaking into Jenkins’ house. He still didn’t know what your motives for stealing were. It was clear to him that your mother was very open about what your father had done, and you still seemed to be doing fairly well, all things considered. Where you paying the bills with the shit you stole from other people’s houses? Rafe stared at to sea for a second, before he got an idea, pulling his phone out of his pocket.

rafe: anything going down tonight?

top: uh

top: i think there’s a party at the boneyard.

top: pogue party, tho

rafe: thats fine.

rafe: you think you can get your friend to come?

top: … why? so you can embarrass her some more?

rafe: just want a second chance, maybe apologize

top: i’ll see what i can do. no promises, tho

“So, why did you really want her to come?”

Rafe was aware that Topper didn’t even have to say your name for him to realize who he was talking about. Rafe took a sip from his drink, wincing a bit. While he did say that he didn’t care about the fact this was a pogue party, they did always buy the cheapest shit. He could feel Topper’s gaze on him, scrutinizing and a little suspicious.

“I didn’t really make a good first impression. Just thought it’d be nice to make amends,” he finally said, his eyes set on the crowd around the bonfire, studiously not looking at his friend.

“Amends, huh?” Topper replied, sounding not at all convinced. “You’ve never been the type to care about stuff like that, Rafe.”

Rafe shrugged, feigning nonchalance. “People change, Top.”

“Or they have ulterior motives,” Topper shot back almost immediately, and Rafe couldn’t help but grin at the accusation.

He finally looked up to meet Topper’s gaze, his eyes gleaming with amusement. “Can’t a guy try to be better without being accused of having a hidden agenda?”

Topper held his gaze for a moment longer before breaking into a grin himself, shaking his head in disbelief. "Just...don't mess with her, okay? She's been through enough."

Rafe raised his hands in surrender, his grin still in place. "Promise, Top. No messing around."

He did intend to make amends, but not for the reasons Topper thought. There were still so many questions Rafe needed answers to, and he was willing to play nice to get to them.

Topper only rolled his eyes at him, looking to the side for a bit. “Head’s up,” he muttered, before straightening his back, greeting you when you joined them.

“Hey guys,” you said, waving at them sheepishly.

Topper gave you a brief hug. “Hey, I was hoping you could make it. You remember, Rafe, right?”

“Yeah of course,” you replied, your voice light, but Rafe couldn’t help but think that your gaze somewhat hardened when you laid your eyes on him. He hoped that he was still able to salvage the relationship.

“Hey. Nice to see you again,” Rafe told you, giving you a charming grin. “You got anything to drink yet?” He looked pointedly at Topper, who stared back at him, his expression unmoving. Rafe inclined his head, raising his brow and Topper bit back a sigh, standing up.

“Let me get you something to drink. No alcohol, right?”

“Uh no, you don’t have to,” you insisted. “I’m not really thirsty anyways.”

Topper waved her off, lifting his own cup. “It’s fine. I need a refill anyway.” With that, Topper turned to leave, leaving you with Rafe.

“I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable the other night,” Rafe started and you looked at him in surprise, your eyes widened. “I might have been a bit insensitive, maybe a bit too forward. I’m really sorry.”

It felt like swallowing gravel, the over the top apology, but he hoped that it came across as sincere.

You let out a breath, your forehead pinched, like you were holding something back. He saw a flicker of something in your eyes, and he realized you didn’t buy a single thing he just said.

“It’s fine,” you then said, smiling at him and Rafe raised an eyebrow, seeing past your facade, though he had to admit that you were a good actor. If he couldn’t get close to you by being nice, it seemed like he had to resort to his back up plan

“We good, then?” he said, offering you his hand, which you shook, after hesitating for a brief second.

“Sure.”

You leaned back against the boulder Rafe was sitting on, and an uncomfortable silence settled over the two of you. Rafe considered throwing himself into the black water, when you finally spoke up.

“My mom told me you came by this morning.”

“Yeah, I was in the neighborhood and your mother saw me outside your house,” Rafe explained, glancing over at you. “Hope you didn’t mind that I called myself a friend.”

“It’s okay..” You trailed off, like you were about to add something else, but hesitating. Usually, he’d be fed up with people not speaking when they want to, but he was intrigued and figured he’d give you the time you needed to spit it out.

“What did you and my mom talk about?” you asked lightly, but Rafe knew how loaded the question actually was. He waited for a beat, sipping on his drink before he answered, enjoying playing with you.

“Not much, really. Just said how happy she was to meet one of your friends… She’s really nice,” he added and you gave him a wry smile.

“Thanks.”

Rafe paused for a beat.

“You guys are doing okay, right? Financially, I mean?”

You narrowed your eyes at him and he was praying to god he was pressing the right buttons.

“Yes. Why?”

“Was just wondering,” Rafe answered nonchalantly, shrugging with his shoulders. “I remember when Ward’s company hit a rough patch and we almost lost our house. But now, we’re better than I ever, and really appreciate my home and everything in it. I can’t even imagine how it feels like to lose everything just like that.”

He turned to look at you, catching how you were clenching your jaw and like the perfect friend he was, Topper returned with two cups in his hand.

“Hey, so they didn’t have juice, but I go-”

“I’m so sorry, Topper,” you said, interrupting him with a small smile. “I have to go. I forgot that I promised my mom I would help her with something early in the morning. But I really appreciate you inviting me out.”

“I- What?” Topper asked, confused but you only gave him a quick wave, almost ignoring Rafe entirely, before you left. Rafe would almost feel bad for pushing you, if he didn’t exactly know where you were going. Topper on the other hand, turned to his friend, glaring at him.

“Bro, what the fuck?”

Rafe drank the last of his drink, clapping Topper on the shoulder.

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll explain soon. I gotta go, text you later, okay?”

He didn’t wait for a reply, tossing his empty cup into a trash bag and walking up the dune to get to his bike. Rafe took the straight way home, but decided to turn the engine off a few blocks before he got home, walking the rest of the way. The estate stood in darkness, not a single sound coming from it as he approached it, deciding to heave himself inside through a window, before deciding to wait.

It didn’t take long until he heard tinkering on the backdoor from the kitchen, then the unmistakable sound of the door clicking open. The door shut almost silently, and then quiet steps echoed over the marble floor. The moonlight shone through the window and that was the only reason Rafe saw you when you walked through the arched doorway of the living room. You froze mid step as you took in the complete lack of- well, anything.

When Rafe turned on the light, you barely reacted.

“How long have you known?” you asked with a sigh, pulling down the bandana, uncovering your face.

“Not long,” Rafe answered, as he leaned in the door way, his arms crossed. “You’re good at what you do, I’ll give you that. I was just paying attention.”

A range of emotions played on your feature - surprise, irritation, realization and then resignation.

“You saw me while I was in Mr. Jenkins’ house, didn’t you? You’re the one who was following me.”

Rafe merely raised an eyebrow and you groaned, pinching your nose.

“And you saw the shirt at my house. Damn it.”

Rafe smirked at your reaction. “So. Why are you doing this?”

Your eyes met his and Rafe actually saw a spark of defiance in them and for the first time, he actually believed you weren’t putting up an act. This was the real you.

“What’s it to you? It’s not like you’re planning on turning me in. Shoupe hates you more than he could ever hate me.”

“Well,” Rafe started, pushing off the door frame and walking over to you, “Let’s just say I’m curious. Clearly you’re a pro, but the question why is really bothering me. You need to pay the bills? Are you doing this for money?”

“What?” You asked, exasperated. “No, I told you, we’re doing fine financially.”

“Yeah ‘cause you’re such an honest person to come by.”

You gave him a look and only scoffed, turning on your heel to leave, but Rafe was quick to grab you by the wrist, holding you back.

“Don’t fucking touch me.”

“Fine,” Rafe snapped, releasing your wrist, his eyes burning into yours. “But you’re not just getting off this easily. You tried to fucking rob me, you at least owe me an explanation.”

“I wasn’t going actually fucking rob you!” You bit at him, glaring at him with a challenging look in your eyes. Then, you sighed and ran a hand through your hair, a weary expression taking over your face. “Okay! Okay. You want an explanation? Fine.”

Rafe was taken aback by your sudden cooperation, but he wasn’t going to let his surprise show. Instead, he raised an eyebrow at you, waiting for you to continue.

“I’m not doing this for money,” you started, your gaze fixed on a point somewhere over Rafe’s shoulder. “I’m doing this because… Because it’s the only way I can get back at the people who ruined my family.

You finally looked at him, your eyes hard. "The people we used to call friends, the people who claimed to care about us, they were the first ones to turn their backs on us when my father was arrested. They didn't waste a second before they started spreading rumors, tarnishing our family name even further."

Rafe was silent for a moment, processing your words. "So you're... what? Stealing from them as some sort of revenge?"

You shrugged, looking away.

“What about the stolen items? If you’re just keeping them, you’re not really that different from your father, are you?”

“What did you just say to me?”

Your nostrils flared and you glared at him, your eyes burning. Interesting. You stole from people who spread gossip about your family, but at the same time, you resented your father, and his actions, Rafe assumed.

“I sell that shit. I’m not getting caught with stolen items,” you then explained, rolling your eyes at him. “And then I give the money away.”

“Hold up, what?” Rafe paused you, frowning. “What you mean you’re “giving the money away”?”

“I don’t have time to tutor you in English.”

“Shit, you really were putting up a shy girl act, weren’t you?” Rafe huffed in disbelief, shaking his head. You rolled your eyes at him and he was speechless for a moment, not having expected your motive. Personally, he would never steal money just to give it away. Why go through all that trouble to gain nothing from it? He had to begrudge you though, you really had a pair of balls on you.

“I’m giving it to people who need it, people who live on the cut,” you elaborated with a sigh.

“You’re actually insane,” Rafe pointed out. He then froze, thinking. “So what were you planning on doing with the stuff you stole from me?”

“I don’t know,” you said with a shrug. “You were pissing me off and I just wanted to see how far I could get.”

Rafe rubbed his jaw, at loss for words. “You really are something, you know that?”

Your lips twitched in a small smile. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“Figured you would.”

Rafe glanced over at you, taking in your figure, clad in dark clothes, red bandana still in hand. “So what now?”

You seemed to wonder the same, your gaze falling to the floor. “I don’t know,” you admitted. “I never thought I’d get caught, let alone by someone like you.”

Rafe tried to not get offended by that.

“Maybe I should get out of the game while I still can get away unscathed.”

“Sounds like a smart idea,” he said and you looked at him, biting your lip.

“Guess that’s my cue to leave, huh?”

Shrugging with his shoulders, Rafe made no move to stop you and nodded slowly, playing with the bandana in your hand.

“Cool… This was great,” you said, walking backwards. “Let’s not do it again.”

Rafe snorted and you turned around to leave, not before pausing, looking back at him.

“You’re not as bad as I thought you were, Rafe.”

With a grin, you disappeared into the hallway, no doubt leaving just the way you entered the house, leaving Rafe in the empty living room. That was the last time he saw you for a long time. Topper bombed him with questions, wanting to know what happened, but Rafe waved him off, not wanting to spill secrets that weren’t his to tell, but assured him that the two of your resolved your problems. For a while, Rafe though that you had gone against your words and just kept robbing people, but he hadn’t heard any chatter about any unsolved cases. For a while, Rafe thought that you had moved to the main land, but he happened to bump into your mother on a random afternoon, where she promptly thanked him for being such a good influence on you - which left him really bewildered. Because him? A good influence? He really didn’t want to know what that even meant.

When three months passed without a single sight of you, Rafe started to believe that you were avoiding him. Sure, you lived on the other side of the island, but again; Kildare wasn’t that big. He was bound to see you around at least once a month. Rafe wasn’t even exactly sure why it bothered him so much that he hadn’t seen you. Like, okay, he was curious about your story and the motives behind your burglaries at first, but he figured it all out, right? Rafe shouldn’t be wanting to see you anymore. Maybe he should ask Topper about you. But then again, the last time he did, it ended with you walking off.

“What, run out of girls to torment?”

Rafe lifted his head, surprised to see you grinning at him. He blurted out your name in shock like an idiot. He was so deep in thoughts, he hadn’t even notice you approaching him as he was sitting outside on the patio at Kelce’s party.

“What are you doing here?”

“It’s a party, what does one do at a party?” you answered, plopping down on the couch next to him, throwing your legs in his lap like you’ve done it 100 times before. You looked different, too, your outfit wildly contrasting to the nice girl from next door outfit you were wearing at Scarlet’s party. Rafe tried to hide his perplexity by plucking the cup out of your hand, taking a big swig, expecting juice or maybe a coke and nearly choked when he realized it was vodka cran (more vodka than cran).

“The hell?” Rafe coughed, giving you a side eye. “I thought you didn’t drink alcohol?”

“Whatever made you think that?”

You reclaimed your cup, drinking from it like it was water, giving him a coy smile. Rafe ducked his head, smirking. So this is what your mother meant by good influence? You seemed less angry, more comfortable in your skin, like you had unburdened yourself from protecting your family’s reputation.

“Well, you definitely should get your liver checked out if you’re making this a regular occurrence.”

“Yeah, pot, kettle,” you shot back, holding your cup out of his reach when he lunged for it again. If Topper happened to walk out to the patio to see Rafe and you bickering again, he didn’t mention it.

And just like that, you fit yourself into his life like you had always been part of it.

There was rarely a morning when you weren’t in the kitchen when Rafe came downstairs in the morning, never questioning how you got in, building stacks and stacks of pancakes with ingredients from his pantry. You even helped him pick out the new furniture for the house, as the rooms of the Cameron estate slowly filled with interior.

The biggest work in progress was the living room, and Rafe scrolled on his laptop looking for a couch that was big enough and fit in with the rest of the decor of the house. You were sitting on the outdoor sofa next to him, your legs thrown over the arm rest like a damn pogue.

“What about this?” Rafe said, flipping his laptop around to show you the white couch with gold lining. It looked classy and he thought it fit right in with the new wall colors.

You glanced at it, shrugging, before doing a double take, frowning.

“That’s tacky as hell.”

“You know, I think I liked you better when you were acting like you were shy,” Rafe sniffed with a dirty look in your direction, keeping on scrolling. You only snickered, picking up another piece of pineapple on the fork, eating it.

“I don’t think you do.”

Rafe ignored you, frowning at his computer screen as he continued his search. It was harder than expected, and at this point he wondered if it would be easier to hire an interior designer.

“Hey Rafe.”

“What?”

Rafe kept his eyes on the screen, not moving an inch, when you suddenly leaned over, leaning your hands on his thighs and pressing your lips against his in a soft, but very decisive kiss. He let out a soft grunt, not having expected it, before he kissed you back, momentarily forgetting his search for furniture. You licked into his mouth briefly, before pulling away, grinning at him as he furrowed his brows at you.

“Still like me better shy?”

author's note: did you like it?🥹

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

Been thinking about this one for a bit

Mini Headcannon

How would the M6 react to someone breaking into the shop WHILE M6 and Mc are inside? Like it’s late at night and then all of sudden they hear a window smash and voices coming from downstairs or whatever goes on during a burglary/robbery. How would they react?

- 🃏

( I love when I seen people leave I little emojis so I wanted to do it too )

The Arcana Mini-HCs: When someone breaks into the shop

Julian: ever the reckless one, dashing downstairs with 1 (one) random clothing article to whip in the face of whoever intruded and no plan

Asra: asking Faust to keep an eye on the intruder for them while they concoct a Home Alone-style prank gauntlet to subject them to

Nadia: drawing a sword, leading the way downstairs trusting you to be her backup as she bests them in combat and takes their names

Muriel: heading for the nearest window. except your safety is at stake, so you two can just hide together. Inanna scares them off

Portia: sneaks up with a frying pan, but ends up eavesdropping on their conversation. blackmails them into submission with it

Lucio: the intruder can hear his infuriated squawking from upstairs. between that and the dog's growling they take off quickly

[archangeldyke-all]

What if sevikas chihuahua and the readers dog start playing with each other at the park while their both walking their dog (like in legally blonde when elles chihuahua went up to that big Rottweiler) and then sevika and the reader end up going on a date?

CUTEEE

men and minors dni

zaun is a dangerous city, especially for someone like you.

a single woman, who lives alone on a first floor apartment? you're a prime target for muggings or burglaries in the undercity.

so, after a particularly scary walk home alone one night, you decide to get a dog.

you go to the shelter and ask for a big dog, something that will protect you and scare off potential attackers.

the attendant smiles and nods and takes you to a small room, then introduces you to sugar.

sugar's a gray pitbull, 60 lbs of pure muscle, and she's wearing a muzzle as the attendant brings her in.

he explains to you that sugar's nervous around men, hence the muzzle, and the second he leaves the room, her low growling and nervous expression melt into pure joy as she waggles her tail hard enough for her butt to shake and the two of you play together.

sugar steals your heart. she's a playful, loving, nervous wreck of a dog, and when she's not busy tapdancing at your feet with excitement, she's resting her chin on your lap and begging you for pats with her big, glossy, puppy eyes.

you take her home with you the next day.

you and sugar become inseparable. your boss lets you take her to work to sit behind the counter while you work alone, in an extra effort to keep your customers in line.

nobody gives you shit anymore. drunk customers don't try to steal, old men don't try to flirt, you don't get catcalled on your walk to and from work, and it's all thanks to your sweet baby, growling and baring her teeth whenever someone gets a bit too close to you.

sugar's nothing but smiles and cuddles when kids or women come into work, turning on her back and waiting for belly rubs, licking kids faces as they giggle, and nudging customers with her cold wet nose, gesturing to the little container of treats you keep on the counter, begging for them to sneak you one.

when you're not working, you're cuddling with sugar at home on your couch or in bed, curled around each other as a tv show plays or you read.

sugar loves chicken, tug of war, and cuddles. but above all else, sugar loves the dog park.

tonight, you're tired and grumpy. you've had a long fucking week, and all you want to do is curl up in a ball and sleep until you have to clock back in on monday. so when sugar wakes you up from your after-work nap by pressing her cold wet nose against her face, you almost turn over in bed and go back to sleep. but when her sweet, excited whines start up and she runs to the living room and fetches her leash for you, you can't deny your sweet baby.

grumbling and throwing on a robe, you hook sugar up to her leash and shuffle out of your house, beginning the quick walk to the park.

when you get there, you let sugar off her leash and she immediately starts doing her laps, sniffing and digging and barking with glee. you laugh and shake your head at your furry baby, before pulling a joint out and lighting up.

you relax against the bench, chuckling as you watch sugar run to and fro. behind you, the gate to the dog park clinks, and before you can look over your shoulder to see whose coming in, a teeny, tiny chihuahua runs up to your feet, snarling and yapping at you.

you giggle, and reach down to ruffle the tiny dog's floppy black ears. this seems to satisfy the puppy, and she gives you several licks before running off to mark her territory.

the little dog seems to think that she owns this park, because she barks at any dog who gets within a ten foot radius of her. this doesn't deter sugar, though, and she chases the chihuahua around the perimeter of the park, before the chihuahua turns around to chase sugar. you chuckle. it seems like sugar's made a friend.

"'s that your dog?" a low voice asks. you blink up and jump when your eyes land on a beautiful, tall, broad woman, standing beside your bench. you nod and laugh.

"sugar." you say, introducing your dog. the woman laughs. "you're the chihuahua's mom?" you ask, chuckling. the woman smiles and nods.

"slayer." she says. you cackle.

"seems like our dogs should swap names." you say. the woman chuckles.

"i'm sevika." she says, holding a hand out for you to shake. you smile and introduce yourself, scooting over on your bench to make room for the woman to sit.

you and sevika chat for hours as sugar and slayer play, sniff, and explore together. it's only when the park ranger comes by to kick you out that either of you realize how much time has passed. it doesn't matter, though, because after that night, you and sugar run into sevika and little slayer almost every evening.

sugar and slayer become best friends. you and sevika do too.

once you finally start dating (sevika invited you and sugar over for a 'play date' but then locked sugar and slayer in her bedroom, and turned the play date into a regular date with you, cooking you dinner and splitting a bottle of wine with you) sugar and slayer become inseparable.

for the first few months of your relationship, before the two of you move in together, any time one of you visits the other at their place, you bring your dogs along, so the two can cuddle and play while you and sevika also cuddle and play ;)

but once you guys move in together, sugar and slayer become a package deal.

slayer cries every morning when you and sugar leave for work, until you just give in and start taking both dogs with you.

if sugar's laying somewhere, you can bet your ass you'll find little slayer cuddled right up against her, or on some occasions, right on top of her.

both sugar and slayer are bed hogs, and there have been several occasions when you and sevika finally turn into bed, only to find your sleeping fur babies cuddled up on top of your spots. (you're both suckers, so you always let them sleep, pulling out the pull out couch for the two of you to sleep on for the night as the dogs sleep in your bed.)

cuddled up in bed one night beside sevika, you laugh as you watch slayer lick sugar's ear clean, grooming her best friend. you nudge sevika and she smiles at you.

"what're you laughin' at?" she asks. you gesture to your dogs on the foot of the bed.

"they're so cute. they're just like us." you say. sevika laughs.

"right, because i'm so petite and you're definetly the guard dog between the two of us." she teases you as she rolls her eyes. you just giggle.

"no, dumbass, you're sugar, i'm slayer. you've got the bite, and the scary claws and teeth and stuff, but you're really just a softie on the inside. and i'm your slayer, cute as hell and always bossin' you around." you say. sevika considers this and then smiles.

"you do yap a lot." she says. you giggle and elbow your girlfriend, and she pulls you against her side, kissing your scalp as she scratches your back. you relax into her, and in minutes, all four of you are asleep and snoring on the bed.

taglist!

@lesbeaniegreenie @fyeahnix @sapphicsgirl @half-of-a-gay @ellabslut @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner @shimtarofstupidity @love-sugarr @chuucanchuucan @222danielaa @badbye666

[panthera-tigris-venenata]

Any headcanons for Harry and Uma's kids?

Might be more about Harry and Uma as parents, but anyway:

The kids are spoiled. Not by their parents – much – but by their pirate crew. Uma would like it to stop.

It will not stop. Cos, c'mon. This is Uma's kid. The pirates adore the kid.

The Lost Revenge crew also collectivelly answers to Auntie/Uncle, though Uncle Gil has special privileges.

Gil is also one of the few people allowed to babysit.

He takes the kids on carefully prepared "treasure hunts" to bring "treasure" for mom and dad. It's incredibly fun and if he's not sure the difficulty level is okay for kids, he check with someone else. Jane's been pulled into preparing the adventures few times.

Out of people actually realated to Uma and Harry, only Harriet is actually allowed to babysit. She's knows how to keep children alive and her younger siblings are the proof. (...helps a lot that Anthony is there to regulate the more dangerous activities.)

Only when the kids are old enough, they can hang out with Auntie CJ alone. (They're the ones sublty supervising she doesn't commit burglary and/or hight treason on camera, not vice versa.)

Somehow, James Hook and Alala manage to cancel out eachother's vices to be at least reasobably safe to be around. They do keep telling the kids that "murder is okay if they're annoing enough" tho.

Ursula doesn't like kids all that much and Uma likes her mother even less.

Oh, there is a considerable overlap between "daddy's bedtime stories" and "mommy's family drama". Let me tell you, the kids are confused.

Uma and Harry remain very uncensored around the kids in general. They're pirates, they'll tough it out. Result is about like this:

Bal baby: "Are you having a little sibling too?"

Huma baby: "Yes."

Bal baby: "you see, the stork arrived and droped a diamond under a cabbage leaf and that diamond turned into a baby! Now I'm having a little sibling!"

Huma baby: "...my parents had sex."

You see, Mal is slightly overcompemsating (again) and Ben is avoiding The Talk like the plague; Evie and Jay are having way too much fun to stop it. (Carlos would rather die than explain sex to a child that can repeat his words to its mother, that is, Mal).

I'd also like to state that sex ed among the pirate crews consists largely of Bonny (the medic) throwing a scavenged "safe sex" leaflet at peoples heads and screeching "I'm not paid enough to be a fucking midwife!"

[lizzy06]

Bubaigawara Jin(Twice) x Reader Fic Recs!! (Tumblr/Ao3/Wattpad)

My Hero Academia Fic Rec Masterlist

Kindred Spirits✨ by @kirishibi (oneshot, fluff, slight angst, comfort)you were born with a quirk that allows you to temporarily take other peoples’ emotions. Used to only feeling things like guilt, shame, and disappointment, you find yourself pleasantly surprised when a kind stranger comes along and donates happiness. [COMPLETED]

The Space Between Stars/ tumblr✨ by @coopigeoncoo /CooPigeonCoo (oneshot, fluff)You thought your terrible day couldn't get any worse, but then you come home and accidentally interrupt a burglary in progress.[COMPLETED]

Loves me, Loves me not(Except he does) by @villain-sympathizer (oneshot, fluff) All of the sudden one of his personalities reveals what he's trying to hide: confessing his love.[COMPLETED]

romance isn't dead (yet) by @frickingnerd (oneshot, angst to fluff) you're set up on a blind date with, but you already seem to know the guy you're meeting… for one reason or another![COMPLETED]

Heartbroken | Pt.2 by @sleepybutwriting (idk lol)A heartbroken twice sees you at a press conference with your boyfriend Hawks, and he doesn’t react well.[COMPLETED]

A Ripped Pillowcase by @katsukis-sad-angel (oneshot, comfort)You and Jin are watching anime when he feels like his head is splitting. He gets violent and goes a little crazy until you manage to shove a ripped pillowcase over his head to calm him down.[COMPLETED]

Broken✨ by HorizonDemise (RedVelvetDemise) (oneshot, hurt /comfort. )Here you are…breaking apart during your night shift because you just can't take it anymore. Here he is…not able to stand seeing you cry.[COMPLETED]

Safe Place by Curious_Feline (oneshot, fluff, comfort) “Safe place…” He repeated to himself again. “Thank you for being my safe place.” [COMPLETED]

Copy That👥 by ChaoticOrganizedMess (oneshot, fluff) Your boyfriend helps you find a little spare time to relax and enjoy time together. [COMPLETED]

Strawberries and Promises by KnifeeWifee (oneshot, fluff) Jin hasn't been home in sometimes. Today is gonna be a day where you show him how much he's loved. [COMPLETED]

Healing Scars by knifewrites (oneshot, comfort, fluff, angst) You have lived with Twice for over a year now , having stumbled upon him wounded and nursed him back to health. You come back from work to see your shared house trashed. You find him in the bathroom having a panic attack , and comfort him. [COMPLETED]

One Kiss by thedivineden (oneshot, fluffy angst)“You’re so good to me Jin, is there anything I can do for you?” [COMPLETED]

an unexpected addition by @zapreportsblog (oneshot, fluff?)a new member decides to join the league of villains but she doesn’t look villain material, twice on the other hand says otherwise. [COMPLETED]

[pinazee]

Rob-a-bye Baby

Finally some focus on Chief Vick! Kirsten nelson did a great job on the first real ep where she gets to play a more substantial role. (“Head detective my ass” always makes me chuckle) i only wish it had been more. She was more of an obstacle than part of the plot, though i guess technically her character kind of grew at the end. She does admit she was overreacting with Shawn but this realization was done off screen. I’d have loved to see her try to run over her husband, and having a little breakdown. Something that gave her more depth. I want to know who she is as a person. Was she a runner who wanted to get back into it so she can finally have some time for herself? Does she struggle with who she wants to be as a mother? Was the baby even planned? Was she concerned it would affect her job, or her ability to do her job? Idk, just something that added a bit more color to her character tapestry. I think theres a lot to explore here is all.

Perhaps im biased, but i feel like Shawns reaction is a bit out of character. Like yeah, he’d find it a boring assignment but i also think he’d understand how important it is to the Chief and take it seriously. Plus, Gus is right, she gives them cases, it’s pretty important for their business that they remain on her good side. And in the end he didn’t help her at all. The nephew just came back and that was the resolution. i think i would’ve preferred if Shawn had been struggling to find them too. Like every nanny he came across he could find something wrong with them because Chief Vick deserves the best. Or he had a nanny picked out all along, she just couldn’t start right away but he somehow needed the excuse to look into the nanny burglary ring? Idk. I guess its not really that big a deal. Perhaps it was to introduce a flaw in Shawns character. Like they were saying he needs the thrills to make the job worthwhile. Which is fine, i think that aligns with his overall character. In fact, i wouldn’t be surprised if he fucked somethings up later just to bump up the challenge for shits and giggles (which is such a weird phrase btw). I just think in this one specific case, he would have handled it with a bit more care.

Gus’s blimp dance! He’s so excited! After the last ep, i just want him to be happy

I just wanted to point out the lady who plays ada was in a movie called Wolfcop. Theres an actual movie called Wolfcop.

Chief Vick’s power pose is so strong, it possesses her when she sleeps haha

Did she just spit her pastry out on the ground??

This always makes me chuckle because, like, why? Why would they have them go down those hill lol

I think this is another case of Juliet getting way too into undercover work. I don’t think thats any of her actual wedding or birth plans even if the show made it look like such.

Im so confused why they were at a pet store instead of a pawn shop. What did that guy sell to him? How did the pet shop guy know it was stolen? Unrelated, but it was a nice touch that Shawn immediately spoke in a way the pet shop guy understood, even if it was just for the haha’s.

Gus’s nickname Schmuel Cohen is a real dude! Why does Shawn have the name of the composer of the Israeli national anthem locked and loaded?? The guy died in 1940. When/ how would he know that???

Awww poor Tim!

Juliet agreeing pivots and divots is fun to say lol

I wish they could have expanded on Nanny Henry! Like he was going to refuse to keep helping out but Chief Vick broke out her mommy voice and also kind of pleaded with him for help. Then we could have gotten some scenes of them, maybe talking about the past, or Henry asking her to look out for Shawn since he doesn’t have the police as part of his squad and therefore no backup, which Chief Vick explains that he’s practically a member anyways and would be treated as such, not only because of who his dad is but because he’s practically one of her own anyways, so of course she has his back.