#she always puts others first. even when it dooms her. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

caitlinsclark · 2 months

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WHERES THE TROPHY? ¹ caitlin clark 𝘤𝘢𝘪𝘵𝘭𝘪𝘯 𝘤𝘭𝘢𝘳𝘬 𝘹 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳 | summary: caitlin can't admit the romantic nature of your relationship until she tosses away the bond you'd built. based on this concept! read PART TWO word count: 2.1k masterlist and tag list

The lines between friendship and relationship for you and Caitlin had been blurred worse than the eyesight of an 80 year old man with four pairs of glasses. The little fleeting moments of domesticity made you question where your friendship with Caitlin had strayed from the plot. At what point it forged from the paths of your other friendships, and it had become too much to ignore.

Like the time you caught her wearing your soccer sweatshirt straight from your closet, as if proudly displaying your last name was an occurrence she wouldn't even question. It knocked your heart into your stomach to find she had even taken to wearing it to her game days. So she could "always have your good luck with her" as she put it with a convincing pout when you asked for it back. And you were in no place to question it, even if you were always right in the stands waiting to send her all the good luck in the world.

Or when she'd held your face a smidge too intimately while feeding you a forkful of pasta, leaving you absolutely breathless. Her strong grip on your jaw guided you closer, almost instinctively as you wrapped your lips aroundthe fork in her hand.

She smiled smugly at your reaction, as if taunting you, which your entire audience watched gleefully from a live stream. Though she did not seem to care and you had to laugh forcefully and pull your hood up to cover the burning face you were stuck with, even minutes later. You couldn't help but notice the string of comments wishing to be in your place.

And how could you forget the most prominent tradition that she had started years ago during her first lowa game? Caitlin was a show off on the court, that was a fact. But you had learned that only stemmed from a deep down need of reassurance.

So when she makes a perfect logo 3 and points right at you to make sure you're watching, you think she's just fooling around and looking for attention. Until she uses her fingers to form a cute little heart in front of her face, a cheesy but heart warming smile accompanying it.

As a mere friend of hers, you tried not to let this tradition give you debilitating heart palpitations, though that possibility was already long gone.

But as the line blurred to indicate more than friends, you were doomed. It only got worse when Caitlin did it again, and again, and again. Until you had begun expecting it and returning the gesture back to her after every basket.

You'd think all of these acts, which some may call devotion, would come from a girlfriend. And in theory they did, but just not yours. Evil took a human form in the name of Connor, that guy had been hanging around Caitlin for far too long in your opinion.

Maybe hypocritical, as you've been waiting for her for 6 years but at least you got on the soccer team by your own hard work, not nepotism like some people! And he hadn't even been a good enough boyfriend to watch his superstar of a girlfriend at her last three games.

That's how you ended up sitting comfortably cheering on the girl from a foldable chair, court side inside the emptied arena. Caitlin was running drills and you were moral support. Every basket she made elicited a dramatic and rowdy cheer, mimicking a stadium's enthusiasm. She broke her focus to grin at you, her bottom lip trapped between her teeth bashfully.

"C'mere," You gestured to her shoe and she set her foot gently on your knee. You carefully began to tie the laces that had come undone and tapped her ankle when you had made a perfect little bow. She wordlessly put her other foot in the same place, careful not to lean her weight on you.

"So, are you gonna wish me good luck?" The arrogant smirk on her face annoyed you to no end, because you knew she had no doubt that you were going to do it regardless. Her correctly placed confidence in your admiration for her was frustrating to no end.

"Good luck," you both lifted your hands in unison, bringing them together in a high five as you stood up. When you were prepared to let go, Caitlin wasn't and she purposefully drew out the moment with your hands still in the air, linked. Hesitantly, she brought your hands down, still connected and you smiled shyly at the brunette, "You know you've got this, superstar."

Her confident smirk was replaced with a sheepish grin, practically melting at the genuine praise you sent her way, "Thank you."

You grinned at Caitlin as she started to back away, refusing to let go of your hands until your arms were stretched as far as possible. Even then, she held on for dear life to your fingertips for a few lingering moments before running off to the locker room.

Six minutes into the second quarter of the Fever game, you sense a sinister energy lurking around and are not shocked to see Connor making his way to a spot near you. Figures, the only game he comes to he's almost missed half of.

He settles next to you, too close for your own comfort so you make a spectacle of shuffling over. In the midst of this, a teammate had given Caitlin possession of the ball and you had more important things to worry about than the boy next to you.

As if it was second nature, Caitlin took a step back from her defender and the crowd watched in anticipation as the ball flew through the air before landing in the net with a satisfying swoosh. The crowd went crazy, though your girl only celebrated by lifting her fingers into a perfectly formed heart, one that had been practiced far too many times before.

Your heart soared in your chest, same as it did every time before. The moment was interrupted when you were reminded of Connor's agonizing presence by his reaction, which shouldn't have existed.

Seeing him smiling, almost lovingly, at her action reserved for you made a sick feeling twist in your stomach. In no world was that for him.

You tried to shove down the jealousy threatening to push its way out as you made the walk to see Caitlin at halftime. She was already waiting for you once you got the end of the bleachers, holding her hands out to help you down the last step.

Though you could've gotten down on your own, you basked in the opportunity and joined hands with her. And if she knew that you took a few extra seconds to hop down and release her on purpose, she pretended not to notice.

"I got you gatorade," You announced and she pretended to be shocked while you handed her the same flavor you did every halftime. She took it with a grateful smile, preparing to open it and reply.

That irritating, nagging, voice cut back in from whatever end of hell it came from, "I got you water, babe." He placed his hand on Caitlin's back, uncomfortably close to yours but you refused to move.

His eyes bored into yours, almost like he wanted you to back down.

"Cait always drinks a blue gatorade at halftime." Your shrug may come off as cocky but you didn't care enough to mask it.

You wanted to smack the grin off his face as he urged the water bottle toward Caitlin's face, "Better to drink water for now, right babe?"

There was no hiding the passive aggressive tone your words held, "Maybe if you had made effort to go to more than one game you would know she doesn't like," your eyes scanned over the object almost with disgust at his offer, "room temperature water when she's running around."

Though you expected Caitlin's agreement to accompany you, your gazes met for the first time since the slight standoff with her boyfriend and your heart dropped at the look she was giving you.

A tiny part of you, mostly a petty one, screamed for her to throw the water in his face and open the gatorade. You wanted to hit yourself, the most minuscule of "competitions" getting you riled up over your best friend. But with the way she narrowed her stare, leaning the slightest bit away from your touch, you could tell that you overstepped.

And when you were about to apologize, she took a step away and chugged the bottle of water. As she walked, she dropped the bottle of gatorade into the trash can and kept her back to you all the way until she reached the bench.

Your eyes closed in frustration, running a hand over your face and silently wished you weren't an adult so you could punch the grinning male next to you without repercussions. Though this was your doing and your jealousy.

The second half played out and you couldn't help but feel the slightest bit guilty for Caitlin's poor performance. She played with her emotions, and you had confronted her (questionable) boyfriend right before a big part of the game. Connor now sat a few rows in front of you, and it was distinguishable when Caitlin made a layup and pointed in his direction instead of yours.

The next few minutes passed painfully slow as so many ugly emotions built up inside of you. Most of all was anger at yourself for not being able to be happy for your best friend.

You sulked back to the locker room where you met Caitlin after every game. Maybe if you were lucky, she chose the nepo baby again and you could delay this conversation until you cried and convinced yourself today didn't happen.

"What was that out there? Are you trying to shove him out of my life?" She confronted with aggravation lacing her tone. She pulled her hair out of its confined tie, letting it lay against her shoulders. You got momentarily distracted and it showed.

"No, yes, I mean," Your frustration got the best of you and you loathed that your cards were being laid out on the table, "No, I'm not. That wasn't my place to say, I know. I just felt like this was our thing, okay?"

Cailtin's eye brows furrowed and the idea of having to clarify made you even more sick than before.

You gestured to the space between the two of you incredulously, "Basketball was our thing, it sucked that he was abruptly apart of it too. And you can't tell me that you weren't trying to get back at me toward the end."

Her nonchalant laugh made you want to shrink into a ball, it was enough that she didn't have to vocalize that you were reading into everything.

Caitlin ran her fingers through her hair and looked anywhere but at you, "He's my boyfriend, I don't want to choose between the two of you."

You couldn't respond, couldn't find it in yourself to tell her to choose, but also couldn't find the will to say she didn't have to. It wasn't her fault that you couldn't find room in your heart to like her and also be happy for her.

"Did you feel like it'd be only us forever," She said your name slowly as if your statement was impossible to believe, "We can both venture outside of each other and still be best friends. One of us would have to get a boyfriend eventually."

The conviction she spoke with stabbed straight through your chest.

Spoken like it was only a matter of time and no other options laid on the table. You were starting to realize that maybe to her, none ever did.

"Yeah," you tilted your head back momentarily to look at the ceiling, a bitter laugh escaping as your waterline gathered tears, "Yeah, we both could, but there's a reason only one of us did, Caitlin." Something in her began to soften, maybe it was the direct confrontation of what you had both skirted around for way too long now.

After a moment to gather yourself, you turned and left Caitlin standing with her gold painted award. The trophy in her hand felt dull in comparison to the one she usually walked away with, the one that was currently walking away from her tearfully.

this is in response to that bday post Caitlin made, bby you can do sm better </3 I was listening to the alchemy during this lol

#caitlin clark x reader #caitlin clark imagine #caitlin clark headcannons #caitlin clark fluff #caitlin clark fic #caitlin clark #wnba basketball #wnba #wbb #wbb x reader #iowa wbb

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angelshadowsinger · 7 months

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Scarlet-Tipped Secrets; Peonies, for You

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: Azriel x f!reader

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐂𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 3.5k

𝐂𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐠𝐨𝐫𝐲: angst

𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐬 (𝐓𝐖):

hanahaki!au, TW gore/vomiting (mildly descriptive— it’s bloody petals), unrequited love, themes of depression and lack of self worth, pining (so much pining), & dramaaaaa

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲:

When you develop feelings for your best friend, you delude yourself into believing you can ignore them for the rest of your life, if it means you can stay by his side. But once he starts seeing someone else, you discover that if you continue keeping your secret… your time on earth may be cut short. You find yourself with an impossible choice— remove all attachments to the shadowsinger and live, or hold out hope and suffer the consequences.

𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞:

This one goes out to all my angst girlies. My ladies who like the feeling of tears crawling onto your pillow, of hurt balling up in your stomach as you wander through a fic. I see you and I feel you, and I cooked this one up special just for you.

𝐒𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲 𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞:

Mates do not exist in the universe that this fic is set in, meaning Elain is not “off limits” to Az, and Cass is single. Additionally, since mates aren’t a thing, marriage/weddings are!

･゜゜・．｡･゜゜・．｡･ﾟﾟ･．｡･゜゜・．｡･ﾟﾟ･

ɴᴏᴛɪᴄᴇ: ʙʏ ʀᴇᴀᴅɪɴɢ ᴘᴀꜱᴛ ᴛʜɪꜱ ᴘᴏɪɴᴛ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴇʀᴛɪꜰʏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ᴏᴠᴇʀ 18 ᴀɴᴅ ɴᴏᴛ ᴀ ᴍɪɴᴏʀ. ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ ᴍᴀʏ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴀɪɴ ɴꜱꜰᴡ ᴛʜᴇᴍᴇꜱ. ʀᴇᴀᴅ ᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴏᴡɴ ᴅɪꜱᴄʀᴇᴛɪᴏɴ.

･゜゜・．｡･゜゜・．｡･ﾟﾟ･．｡･゜゜・．｡･ﾟﾟ･

The first time it had happened, you had been more confused than anything.

Azriel had just given Elain a gift for Starfall; a pair of earrings that would glow a warm pink when kissed by the sun’s rays. Her cheeks turned the same color as she admired them, as did the tips of the shadowsinger’s ears.

Just one smooth petal rested in your palm as you brought your hand back from covering a cough, pink and delicate and beautiful. You thought that maybe it had landed in your palm before you coughed— even if there were no peonies in the vicinity and you hadn’t even seen one in months. Because there was no way that it had come… out of you.

The second time it happened, confusion became fear and it swiftly took root deep in your stomach. This time, it was a couple of petals, dewey in your hand as you turned away from your friends, shock running through you.

Azriel and Elain were sitting shoulder to shoulder on the love seat in the living room of the House of Wind, spirits being passed around by everyone and laughter filling the air. They had just shared a look you could infer was meant to be a secret between only them, but you had unfortunately witnessed the action. You could hardly breathe as you quickly hid the evidence of your newfound predicament, dumping the petals into a potted plant beside the mantle. You hoped that you were slick; taking a slow sip from your glass in an attempt to rid your throat of that tight, scratchy feeling even though your body was screaming for you to gulp it down.

In that moment, you realized that something was wrong with you. It would only take a few more petal-filled fits and two trips to the grand library of Velaris to discover that you were— to put it simply— completely, wholly, and undeniably doomed. It was there, during the early hours of morn and the empty, candle-lit corridors that you learned three things;

You were in love with your best friend, Azriel.

He was in love with someone else.

And you were going to die.

—

Things between you and the shadowsinger hadn’t always been so difficult.

Your relationship was, for many years, easy and left you feeling light; every conversation and interaction cherished. Initially, the pair of you had become fast friends; the other members of the Inner Circle even remarking on how he was usually a little slower to build relations. Perhaps something of your sense of self, intelligence, and silver-thorned wit had something to do with his initial intrigue. That was the guess Feyre ventured, anyway.

Once your friendship with the elusive male had blossomed, it was easy to maintain. Though you didn’t see him every day, when he did pay you a visit, the two of you made the most of it. The Inner Circle liked to poke at the pair of you, even going so far as to joke about your relationship that was not a relationship. And you and Azriel took it like champs; never wavering, always keeping it light in good fun.

But at night when you would crawl into your sheets and close your eyes, sometimes thoughts of him would find you. It was wrong to be thinking of your best friend like this when he so obviously would never feel that way for you, and yet… you pondered how his fingers would feel tracing across your naked back. You wondered what it would be like to melt into his arms at the end of the day, how his heartbeat would sound if it was just inches away from your ear, if you could lay your head on his chest.

You tried, you really did try to stop the thoughts from coming. But they quickly became more vivid, and more frequent than before. You couldn’t rid him from your mind— couldn’t focus when he came near, couldn’t hold up your end of the witty volley you usually shared because you’d get flustered if you stared at him for too long. Slowly, you had come to realize that the jokes your friends loved to make weren’t just conjecture— they knew all along that something was there.

It made you wonder if Azriel knew, too.

He was undeniably one of the smartest males you had come to know— your appraisal of him was sparkling, stellar. But when it came to things regarding emotion— specifically, his own emotions… he tended not to be quite as adept. So you had now landed in this confusion-fogged purgatory. Either your best friend knew you harbored feelings for him and he did not return them whatsoever— acting ignorant of your emotions. Or he didn’t know you were in love with him, didn’t even see a romantic relationship with you as a possibility, and maybe… if he were enlightened, he would realize that he… loved you too.

It was that very hope that had you holding out for so long. You so desperately wanted to believe that he just wasn’t aware of your feelings— of his— that you smushed your dignity down and continued to uphold your friendship, never revealing that you felt romantically attracted to him.

But the waiting game, of course, came back to bite you in the ass. Because the moment you realized he had started to see someone else… you knew that you had deluded yourself for months. All those nights that you laid awake, fantasizing about him and how he would proclaim his love to you… they were just fantasies. Nothing of the sort would ever happen.

Because now, he had Elain.

Her— the Archeron sister known for her gentle spirit and her striking face. She was quiet, and sweet, and goddamn breathtaking. Of course it had to be her; it couldn’t have been some bitch that would actually be deserving of your hatred. Because he was perfect, why would his choice of life partner be anything but? You couldn’t think of a bad word to say about the woman.

Elain had always treated you with polite kindness, a sense of regality emanating from her and her ethereal beauty. Though she wasn’t by any means your favorite female, there was nothing she had ever done to justify even a grain of dislike. You couldn’t say your few conversations had been riveting, nor her presence been warm and inviting… but they hadn’t been the opposite either. Your opinion on her was removed, but pleasant. Hell, if you could stand a blow to the ego, you might even admit you were jealous of the looks almost every male gave her when she entered the room.

The jealousy certainly ramped up once you realized that your beloved shadowsinger was one of those males… and actually, he was the only one she seemed to return interest toward, which of course… was salt in the wound.

As the weeks dragged on, their supposedly-secret affair began picking up speed. The sight of Azriel’s warm hazel gaze pinned to her made your stomach churn with unease, the petals itching up your throat more and more often. It became easier to just avoid the both of them in general, and with the absence of their presences, it was easier for you to pretend that everything was fine, and that you could handle your worsening condition on your own.

But of course, that was not the case.

Because after a few months, the Inner Circle gathered in private quarters above the Night Court Annual Starfall Ball. Thousands celebrated and swirled below you in the ballroom and yet you could only focus on one. It was then that the man who haunted your thoughts stood before the rest of you, pretty Elain tucked under his arm all giddy and shy, and announced they were engaged to be wed.

—

Warm liquid trickled out from the corner of your mouth, your ears ringing as your vision blurred in two, wide waves cleaving and then melting together again.

The crisp air felt welcome on your flushed cheeks, cool on your inflamed, ragged lungs. Stars danced above you as they pelted across the sky, and in your haggard state, they seemed to smear into a disorienting and beautiful masterpiece.

Someone was kneeling in front of you, large wings casting shadows around broad shoulders as they yelled something you couldn’t quite understand. The warm smell of them was comforting and you relaxed slightly, recognizing it was Cassian and slumping as his calloused hands came to hold your biceps.

The spliced image of him made it too hard to read the words on his lips. You tried to sit up but your body was drained, making it impossible to move. The Illyrian gathered your limp form into his arms and your head lolled to face the ground, finally piecing together what had happened.

A pile of pink, lush petals glistened up at you against the dark stone of the balcony floor, the light from the full moon sparkling off droplets of deep scarlet. It had happened again… and this time, it was even worse than before. You had had another episode— the evidence of it glaring even in your semi-conscious state.

“You’re in love with him…,” Cassian said slowly, barely even audible.

But you heard it— your body trembling with some sick concoction of shame and relief. For so long you had not uttered a whisper of your feelings, never daring to take ownership of them, let alone share them. There were no words that you could muster, nothing sharp or bright for you to make a response. You were just tired. Indescribably tired. Gods, you were so tired, your limbs felt as if they had turned to stone, and you could slumber for a thousand years.

“This doesn’t make any sense,” the male growled, squeezing your limp form closer to his firm chest. “I swear, he… Gods, this is fucked.”

You closed your eyes and allowed his body heat to seep into you, finding a small bit of comfort there. Cassian didn’t choose to say anything else as the waves of sickness gradually dissipated, leaving you weak and numb.

“Cass,” you rasped, barely able to get enough air to speak. “I’m scared.” Your head felt as if it was filled with a thick smog— struggling to get enough oxygen as you slowly recovered.

The General’s brow furrowed in pain at your pitiful confession, gathering you closer to his chest and tucking your head in tight beneath his chin. “I know, sweetheart. But you’re not alone. You don’t have to do this by yourself, not anymore. I’m here.” Cassian held you so delicately you wanted to cry, guilt pulsing through you as you realized he must have been terrified to have found you in such a sorry state. “I’ve got you,” he murmured, his voice low and full of promise, “I’m not going anywhere.”

“I’m sorry,” you sobbed, woe taking root deep in your chest. Now that you had seen Azriel with her— like that, so clearly in love with her, parading their affections out in the open, for anyone and everyone to see as he twirled her around the ballroom earlier… It was too much. Every part of you throbbed in agony, and you were consumed in fresh throes of self-pity. It was completely humiliating to be this debilitated. All because you were in love with your best friend, and he was in love with someone else.

Cassian scrunched his brow, the planes of his chiseled face settling into solid lines as you regained your bearings. “There’s no need to apologize, Y/n. You didn’t ask for this— how you feel is not your fault. Your body is already punishing you for simply having feelings— don’t let your mind join in on the beating too.”

You nodded, tucking your hands into your chest as he sighed and stood, taking you with him. He lifted you into his embrace with the utmost ease, as though you weighed nothing more than a sheet of paper. Your evening dress fluttered with the movement. If anyone caught sight of you two from far away, perhaps it could be construed as romantic, the way he now held you in his strong arms, strolling away from the party.

“You don’t seem as… freaked out as I thought you would,” you whispered as he walked with lethal quiet. Shadows stood tall above you as you approached the hedged boundary of the estate gardens, cutting into the overwhelming display the falling stars continued to put on.

Cassian was quiet.

You took a minute to study his somber expression, trying to read what he was feeling in this moment of recollection. Clearly, he had some experience with this disease before. Otherwise, he would’ve ran you right inside the ball, or to the nearest healer. But he didn’t— instead, he’d wandered into the dark hedges of the grounds, concealing you from prying eyes and ears. As if he understood what you would want most in this moment of shattering vulnerability.

“I’m not sure why you expect so little of me, little one,” he eventually replied, coming to the center of the area. He perched you beside him on a wrought-iron bench, facing a small fountain whose gentle gurgle drowned out the last hints of the celebration you’d left behind.

You frowned. Your lungs felt looser— distracted by whatever it was that provided Cassian with experience regarding your dreadful illness. It was nearly enough to forget the bomb that had been dropped on you upstairs just twenty minutes ago. “It’s not that, it’s just—“ you began. Cass shot you a playful look and you sighed, a smile daring at your lips as you rolled your eyes. “Okay I just meant that before this, I’d never heard of this kind of thing…” Your voice trailed off, hand reaching to rest on his before you murmured, “I’m sorry you have.”

The Illyrian raised a brow and let out a short, hollow laugh. “Oh no— It wasn’t me, I don’t… Well, never that bad anyway. I’ve just seen… how bad it can get. An old friend of mine once had the unfortunate experience of falling ill to this plague centuries ago.”

You nodded and put your hands in your lap, digging a thumb into your palm. “What… happened to them?”

Cassian closed his lips and sighed, hands bracing his knees. Silence drew out for a long beat before he finally spoke. “He told the one he loved about his ailment. And they told him..,” he trailed off, gaze darting sideways to land on you. You gestured for him to continue, and he did so after a brief pause. “They told him they would never have romantic feelings for him. They asked him to have the procedure. They wanted him to live, and if they couldn’t love him… then that was the only way.”

You shuddered. The very notion of the procedure made your bones ache and your shoulders sag.

“So he did,” Cassian went on, undeterred. “And he survived.”

Quiet invaded the still air, otherwise only interrupted by the low chirps of crickets in the grass and the muffled party. Cassian decided not to speak any further on the subject, instead content to let a calm silence settle between the pair of you. But somehow, you found yourself talking— despite never having voiced aloud any of these feelings, any of these thoughts.

“Cass, do you think… I should have the procedure, too?”

It was a question that was fully weighted— heavy, you already knew, but by the way the Illyrian’s shoulders sagged, the gravity of it all seemed more drastic than before.

Cassian took his time to form a reply, but when he finally did, it was in a soft and hushed voice. “I am not the one that should be making such calls, Y/n. But I will tell you that my friend… he was never quite the same.”

You shared a look of understanding with him— he was your friend, and the male you were in love with was his brother. Freshly engaged brother, at that. The consequences of the procedure would certainly crack a deep fracture in the dynamic of your group. If anything, you would probably fade away from everyone, seeing as every one of your memories that the Shadowsinger dwelled in would be tainted— his absence removed entirely. He would not exist to you anymore, and even if that wouldn’t necessarily affect you, oblivious to his existence, everyone around you would not share that same luxury.

And Azriel would be there, too. He would have to see you and know that you had loved him so intensely, that those feelings were so wholly one-sided, that you had to physically remove him from your mind. All so that your heart could forget him and start anew. Would that bother him? Knowing that you had suffered because you had fallen in love with him, while he would never possibly feel that way for you? Surely that would make him uncomfortable, to be in your presence after that. So ultimately, it would be best to just move away, and start somewhere else— clean slate. Would he even miss you?

“Sometimes I think about it— the procedure. This disease, it’s a wretched way to live, Cass. It hurts,” you said, voice cracking as emotion welled up in your eyes and throat. “It hurts so fucking bad, I can’t even be around him anymore. Especially not now. Now that he’s…” You trained off, unable to say the words.

Cassian slid to your side, tucking you underneath a strong arm. The shadow of his wing furled around you from behind, encasing you in a warm, safe space. Tears began to race down your cheeks, gathering at your chin and splattering onto the silken fabric on your lap. You couldn’t stop them— still too drained from the fit from before. All you could do was cry as your friend gathered you closer to him, patting the top of your head with careful strokes, trying his best to comfort you.

Only once your crying seemed to subside did Cassian offer another solution. “Maybe… you could talk to him.”

You laughed— a hollow, broken sound. Cassian lips curved up at the sound nonetheless. “I’m simply nowhere near as brave as you, Cass.” Shaking your head, your gaze focused on the bubbling fountain before you. “Even if I could manage to face him, and confess to him… If he rejected me… I think I’d die on the spot.”

“Don’t say that,” he said, voice low.

You bit your lip. “And why not, Cass? There’s a good chance that I could drop dead any time I have one of these fits. That’s just reality.”

“Well fuck that reality,” Cassian spat, wings ruffling. “I don’t want to live in a world without you, and I sure as hell know Azriel wouldn’t either.”

“Well maybe I don’t wanna live without him!” you yelled. After holding back your emotions for so long, they just kept flooding out after the hole Cassian had punched into the dam that had kept them at bay. “Maybe I’d rather die than lose even one memory with him, maybe I’ll just hold out for as long as I can because I’m too fucking scared to lose him!”

Cassian’s face twisted into agony. “And what of those who love you?” he challenged, voice shaking slightly with emotion. “What about us, what happens when you die, and when the last memories we will have of you were you withering away before our very eyes?! You love him? Do you know what world of pain he will be in when he finds out what happened to you? And then to discover your absolute complacency in the matter?”

A sob escaped you as you felt every word of truth pierce the feeble veil you had called a shield in your attempt at denial. Your friend was right— you couldn’t allow this disease to win, not if that meant hurting everyone you loved in the process. And now that you thought about it— even if you chose to remember him, and let the sickness take its course… what good would those memories do you, when you’d be dead?

Cassian seemed to realize you had accepted defeat, because he tightened his hold on you and stroked your hair as you cried into his chest. The sadness you felt unfortunately was not alleviated by your tears, but at least… you had come to see that there was only one option forward.

You had to go through with the procedure.

You had to forget Azriel.

𝘩𝘪 𝘨𝘶𝘺𝘴!! 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 <3 𝘸𝘦𝘭𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘺 𝘯𝘦𝘸 𝘧𝘪𝘤, 𝘚𝘛𝘚𝘗𝘍𝘠~ 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘨𝘰𝘯𝘯𝘢 𝘣𝘦 𝘢𝘯 𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘴𝘵𝘺 𝘳𝘪𝘥𝘦! 𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦'𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘢𝘻𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘭 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘩𝘦'𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘱𝘭𝘰𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘰𝘯~

𝘣𝘦 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘮𝘬 𝘪𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘦𝘹𝘤𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 2 & 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘴𝘰𝘰𝘯!!

⤷ masterlist

#azriel x reader #acotar x reader #acotar x you #angelshadowsinger #azriel angst #azriel fic #azriel fanfic #acotar fic #acotar fanfiction #acotar angst #my work #azriel x you #STSPFY series

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mimikyuno · 1 year

Text

love and hope and kindness being the running motifs in madoka magica and the forces that can single-handedly save and curse someone.

madoka’s love and kindness being what saves homura from her suicidal tendencies, but also what ultimately dooms madoka to die at the hands of the walpurgisnacht. homura’s love for madoka and undying hope to save her what curses her to repeat time and traumatise herself over and over again, while also increasing madoka’s karma and by default, cursing her too. madoka’s refusal for homura’s hope to be in vain being the driving force that grants hope to all, but also ends madoka’s existence. sayaka’s love for kyousuke and her altruistic, heroic ideals being what gives her confidence and hope at first, but when confronted with misogyny and unrequited love (even when you told yourself you would not expect him to love you back just because you sacrificed yourself for him) being what curses her. kyouko’s love for her family being the catalyst that leads it to break apart, because in all her childlike devotion to her parents, she couldn’t see her father for who he was. mami’s kindness forcing her to put up a brave face and resulting in her demise.

but it all does not end in despair! sayaka’s newfound love for kyouko being the reason kyouko is no longer lost and angry and alone. mami’s kindness finding a recipient in nagisa, to whom she can finally be a parental figure. in one universe nagisa was the one to end mami’s existence, but now they can both heal and not be alone anymore. madoka’s love for homura encompassing time and space and saving her, every time, over and over again. even when homura does not want it. even when she refuses her hand. madoka will always reach for her and find her and save her and show her kindness, even when homura thinks she does not deserves any, even when she’s willing to die in her own personal hell. homura’s love being yes, what commits the unforgivable sin and tears god apart, but also it is only through her “selfishness” and “terrible” act that the others get a shot at a normal childhood/adolescence. kyouko and sayaka can be together at last, mami and nagisa find each other, madoka can live with her family again.

this is what i hope will be explored in the next movie. this intrinsic relationship between hope and despair, love as a lifeline and a curse. kindness and selfishness coexisting and influencing each other. i hope the girls manage to finally tip the scale between hope and despair towards the light. i hope madoka’s love will keep on reaching homura even when she thinks she’s evil incarnate, a devil. even when she thinks her existence as antithetical to madoka’s true nature. even when she thinks herself beyond salvation. i hope they get a shot at happiness, together this time.

#im going crazy if you cannot tell #im still running a fever so im sorry if this is like. nonsense #madoka magica #pmmm #puella magi madoka magica #walpurgis no kaiten #madohomu #kyosaya #madoka kaname #homura akemi #sayaka miki #kyouko sakura #mami tomoe #nagisa momoe #holy quintet #mine

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martinluvrr · 5 months

Text

FLATLINE | PAIGE BUECKERS

⋅˚₊‧ paige x fem!gf!reader

⋅˚₊‧ summary: y/n and paige experience what it means to be in a long distance relationship, but with the distance between them, can they overcome it?

⋅˚₊‧ warning : secret relationship, angst (kinda) ,long distance.

⋅˚₊‧ duayaps: first post🥳🥳🥳.

⋅˚₊‧ inspired by flatline by justin bieber.

⋅˚₊‧ nav ||

"I'LL MISS YOU" paige muttered against her neck.

"it'll go by before you know it" y/n said pulling away from the hug. When college applications started being filled, she took a big risk and applied for Politecnico di Milano, a fashion uni in Milan, Italy. She had already said goodbye to her parents, thinking that was the hardest goodbye she could imagine, but the tears in her eyes from saying goodbye to her girlfriend right now, told her she lied to herself a while ago.

Paige and y/n had always had a rocky side of their relationship, for one, it was a secret waiting to bomb the world, two, they always knew that long distance was going to be a thing for them. With Paige going to Uconn and Yn going to PDM, 'it was already doomed' said by most people. But overcoming the rocky side of their relationship, there was the fairytale side. The one where they in love, where they supported each other in everything, where they took each others first kisses, first everything. They were each other's lifelines in a way, they didn't go a day without speaking to each other.

They both hoped that these future 4 years, weren’t going to change their feelings of each other.

✩

Lately you've been busy, wondering if you miss me

Why did you go against me? I just wanna know

How come you act so different? Talk to me, I'll listen

All the love I'm giving, don't act like you don't know

“…leave a message after the tone” y/n sighed as she hung up the phone. It was 7am and her alarm had just gone off, Paige was most likely asleep. It’s 1am at Storrs.

If you put the time difference aside, they were doing well. Both of them spent at least 2 hours everyday on the phone and haven’t had an any problems yet.

But it’s only been 5 months. 7 months and 3 years to go.

Y/n was glad Paige settled in great, she got along with her teammates and had a great support system there. Paige became a media star, with that came many fans. While y/n wasn’t the jealous type, these fans were wild.

She opened her instagram app, and slowly started to scroll through stories. When she stopped, went stiff. “Oh” she muttered, her girlfriend’s teammate, Aaliyah, had posted a story with the Uconn women’s basketball team having fun ,at what she would guess, a bar. Paige is in the background , a girl sitting next to her, whiles shes on the phone. Y/n quickly checked when the story was posted,10minutes ago.

‘Okay so she could’ve just posted this when she came home’ y/n quickly assured herself. Paige wouldn’t just ignore her calls, especially on a night out, right?

As those thoughts filled her head, a notification sound came from her phone.

pb 👩🏼‍❤️‍💋‍👩🏽

gm baby. can’t talk, tired, going to bed.

y/n didn’t think anything, she couldn’t. She just typed ‘sweet dreams💗’ and hit send.

no i love you, no ily, not even an emoji.

‘Stop, don’t overthink this ,shes just tired’ she told herself. She shut her phone off and got out of bed, leaving her thoughts about P in her comfy bed.

It had been a month since the bar incident, and everything seemed normal, until a week ago.

Y/n just got out of work, a small intern job to help her graduate early. It was 6pm in Milan, and 12 in Storrs.On her way home, y/n called P.

The phone rang, 1,2,3 times before she hung up. Tried a gain, 1,2,3. User is busy.Paige had hung up on her, she didn’t think much of it. ‘She’s probs busy’.

That was 6 days ago.

While they exchange texts, no calls were made this week. Paige was busy, like really busy, But not busy ‘not go out with her friends for the 3rd time this week’ busy. Y/n got it, freshman year, new teammates, she had to have fun. She also knew that their relationship was on the down low. Even though she assured Paige that it was okay to tell her teammates, P reluctantly agreed. ‘I don’t know, i’ll see’ She muttered to y/n, 2 weeks ago on their normal facetime call.

Y/n didn’t want to think much of it, she didn’t want her overthinking to brew a fight. The last 2 years she was back home, her and paige had never gone a day without speaking to each other, but so what it stopped now?, it was common sometimes to not call. So she let it be, but Paiges text became more and more rare,more dry and definitely more weird.

But y/n knew, paige was just busy.

✩

Girl you always catch me at the bad time (Bad time) When I know you probably think it's a lie (A lie) I know I told you last time was the last time (Last time) How could you pull the plug and leave me flatline?

On the other end of the phone. Y/n hit the red button, and ended the call. She hit her head on the wall behind her in frustration, thankful that the call wasn’t on facetime and Paige could see her sad face.

Y/n had called in sick at work so she could watch Paiges game in peace, her boss gave her an earful, because it was one of the more busier seasons in the fashion world, but she let her be ‘sick in bed’. She was proud of Paige, and was the happiest for her.

But the mood drifted when she heard the voice tell her they need her. ‘I need her too’ Y/n thought. This was the first time in a month that Y/n heard Paiges voice. Her heart clenched when she heard her sound weird, it sounded like she was frustrated. Frustrated with who though, with y/n?.

As time went quick, it felt like Paiges texts were more rare, and even more dry. And Y/n didn’t know if Paige was aware of the way she was acting, she also didn’t know if she should say anything, Paige was a freshman in college having fun, alone,without Y/n next to her.

If Y/n were to say anything, she didn’t want to seem like the bitchy jealous girlfriend that only wanted Paige to spend time with her, she just wanted Paige to spend some time with her.

It felt like their relationship was a bomb, and their time was running out quickly.

How could you pull the plug and leave me flatline? (Flatline) Cause when I hit you, you don't even reply (Reply) How could you pull the plug and leave me flatline?

✩

Not breathing, what is it I'm not seeing Said she's leaving, damn I can't believe it It's like my heart's bleeding knowing that you don't need me Shut my heart down, now I don't know what Imma do now

“… i just need some space y/n” Paige said with frustration, a sigh coming after. Y/n’s heart dropped.

It all started an hour and a half ago.

Paige went out with her teammates after a late night practice, forgetting that y/n was waiting on her phone call that she promised she would do after practice.

After she came home, she was bombarded with messages from Y/n. 8 to be exact.

y/n💍

hey did you finish practice?

- 8:15PM

you ready?

- 8:18PM

paige?

- 8:20PM

paigeeeeeeee???

- 8:30PM

pbabyyyy

- 8:35PM

pls tell me u didn’t forget

- 8:45PM

paige are you fucking kidding me

- 9:45PM

it’s our anniversary

- 9:45PM

call me when you get home and make sure you’re not busy

- 9:50PM

And when she called, the yelling happened. It was the first fight they’ve had in a while. While Y/n finally exploded demanding to know what’s happening with her, Paige only had one thing to say.

“I think we should take a break”

“What?” Y/n whispered after a long pause.

“i’m not ready to be in a relationship Y/n/n, i’m still questioning what i want, and i don’t know if its you yet.” Paige said. “I’m sorry, i just need some space Y/n”

Y/n heart dropped, she didn’t know what to say or think. While Y/n knew that not everything lasted, Paige was a sure thing. Paige was her lifeline. What was she going to do?.

Y/n gulped and said the only thing she knew she could say “It’s okay”.

‘It’s okay?’ Paige was taken back. Had Y/n want to breakup before?, and then Paige shockingly felt hurt in her chest, her stomach slightly dropped. Why was she feeling like this? why isn’t she feeling relief?. This has been on Paiges mind for the past 3 months, wasn’t this the solution?

“Go be a superstar but don’t expect me to wait for you while you figure out what you want to do” Y/n said, her voice sweet. Not even a slight tone of bitterness.

Y/n still wasn’t able to move from her spot on the kitchen counter. Tears were streaming down her face, and before a sob sound could come, she hung up the phone. All Y/n knew was Paige, but know she didn’t even know that.

She had literally left her clueless, without her lifeline. now flatline.

✩

- 5 MONTHS LATER -

Paige stood there, watching from her afar.

“That’s her?” a croatian accent asked. She felt Nika sit beside her. “Yeah” Paige answered still in awe of her.

“She’s really pretty” Nika said. Paige nodded agreeing with her. She was wearing a flowy white short summer dress with cowboy boots.

It was Drews birthday today, and as the team had some off time, Drew invited them to his barbecue party. And the weekend before his birthday, he ran into Y/n. Of course the boy was oblivious to the breakup and while he asked still asked Paige for Y/n, she didn’t have the heart to tell him that they broke up.

So when Drew begged Y/n to come to his birthday party, Y/n didn’t know what else to say but yes. He could literally get whatever he wanted out of everyone.

At first, Y/n debated if she should just call Paiges stepmom and cancel, or she should just go and pray that Paige couldn’t make it.

Well, Paige had come. And so did the rest of the huskies. When Y/n saw them, she sighed. Although she was friends with Azzi, she didn’t know the rest of them, but by the look on their faces when she came in, she knew that Paige had told them her history.

Azzi, being the sweetheart she is, excitedly came running to Y/n and hugging her tight. The whole party they caught up with each other, with Azzi telling her about Uconn and Y/n telling her about studying abroad. For the past 30 minutes they’ve been talking, not once have either of them mentioned Paige.

Y/n turned, meeting Paiges eyes. The two of them made eye contact with each other again. Y/n then heard Azzi laughed, when she snapped her head to look at her friend. She saw a small teasing smile on her face. “Don’t even start” Y/n said, glaring at her. She got up and made her way to the other side of the backyard, where there was no Paige in sight.

“Y/n/n” she heard a child scream. Drew was suddenly hugging her legs. “Hi Drewsky” she laughed, beginning to tickle him. She felt the boy starting to laugh, and start to kick her hands away, while Paige and her were together, Drew became a big part in their relationship. Paiges parents often made Paige babysit Drew, and Y/n just tagged along. Through that time, Drew and Y/n became close, Y/n considered him as a baby brother. She would miss him.

“Paigeyy help me” Drew screamed laughing. Y/n became stiff, the hair behind her neck stood. She could feel her ex behind her as she let the little boy go and stand up.

Paige and Y/n stared at one another. Paige was thankful her teammates weren’t around right now, they would be on her ass all day after this.

“Hi” Y/n whispered, looking away from her and to the ground.

“Hey” Paige said back. “How’ve you been-“

“Paige please no small talk, what do you want?” Y/n cut her off. This was already awkward enough, no need to make it even more.

“Uh” Paige stuttered, a sigh coming after. “I missed you” Paige admitted. Y/n’s blood boiled, now she missed me?

Paige could sense Y/n anger, she placed a hand on Y/n elbow, tugging her from leaving. “Please just wait” Paige pleaded “I’m sorry, i just didn’t know what to do i kept having all of this kind of feelings and i know i was busy but i swear just one more chance-“

“Paige” y/n cut her off

“- and i’ll promise i’ll try harder-“ paige continued

“-stop-“ she tried to stop her

“please just give me one more chance”

“-okay” she agreed. Paiges eyes went wide, she didn’t think she would get her to agree that easy.

“I only needed you to apologize P, i only want you to make some time for me thats all. And if were really trying this again you have to be sure you want this because i don’t know if i can handle loosing you again” She said still looking at the ground.

Paiges heart dropped hearing her voice break. Although she knew how Y/n felt, Paige had been nothing but moody,grumpy and miserable these past few months. Seeing Y/n today, brought her hope that she had a second shot with her.

Y/n slowly picked up her head, and looked up at Paige. Paige was jaw dropping hot, and she knew that, her head couldn’t get any bigger by her ego.

Paige reached a hand towards her waist, pulling Y/n towards her. When she did, she slowly dropped a sweet kiss on her girlfriends lips, when she pulled away, her forehead dropped to Y/n’s.

She felt like she could finally breathe, her chest no longer hurt. She had her lifeline back.

✩

#Spotify #paige bueckers #paige bueckers x reader #paige bueckers imagine #huskies #uconn #nika muhl #azzi fudd #aaliyah edwards #paige bueckers headcannons #wnba #lesbian #dua writes

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wileys-russo · 5 months

Note

hi! laura freigang, 'can i use a picture of you as my phone's background?', locker room please?

lockscreen II l.freigang

you woke up to a flash in your face, ducking your head beneath the covers with a groan. "go away lau!" you moaned kicking out at your best friend who only grinned, tugging the covers away from you.

"it was for the collection!" laura explained as if that was completely normal as you tiredly glared up at her. "get out of my room, its not even eight yet!" you realised with a groan, shoving her a little harder than intended as she went rolling backwards off the bed.

you sat up with a start, covering your grin with your hand as the blonde moaned clutching her head which had collided with the carpet.

"sorry?" you tried with an innocent smile as she sat up and fixed you with a venomous glare. "idiot!" she huffed unappreciative of your efforts. "in my defense i have warned you before about not waking me before nine unless its an emergency." you reminded with a shrug.

"i was waking you because i made breakfast but now i think i will go give it to that cranky lady next door, she would be more appreciative!" the blonde grumbled standing to her feet with a shake of her head, stretching out her back.

"no no, no need! thank you." you shot up from bed, kissing her cheek in thanks before racing off toward the kitchen too fast to see the way the girls face burned beetroot red at the tiny gesture of affection.

laura had been pining over you for months now, and it was painful that it was obvious to absolutely everyone but you, even her teammates teasings only causing you to roll your eyes and dismiss them with a wave when they joked you were secretly dating.

laura could only wish to be so lucky, and only wish you'd finally see that all the little things she did for you was because she was crushing on you hard.

ever since you'd moved to the club the girl felt her knees wobble a little when you were introduced to the team, the first to put her hand up to show you around and within a couple of weeks the two of you were thick as thieves and laura had offered you her spare room while you hunted for a place of your own.

it was an offer which beat the pull out sofa you were currently sleeping on in an old school friends one bedroom loft who'd moved to germany for university and just never come back.

you'd be lying if you said without laura you'd have lost your mind and probably quit to move back home. she helped you set up everything, get better at the language, offered friendship and a comfortable bed beneath your back, cooked everyday for you and showed you around new places each weekend between matches.

you hadn't realized it just yet but you were also crushing hard on the blonde, only you'd grown up with four older brothers and attributed nearly every strong feeling you had toward a woman as just a longing for friendship.

it was idiotic how blind you were really.

"so." you looked up from your spot at your cubby, training finished for the day as you were icing your ankle you'd rolled, most of the team having already left for the day laura was kindly waiting around until the physio came back to check you over, currently in a meeting.

"as you know i've been making my phone look nicer." laura started as you chuckled, amused by her sudden interest in aesthetics which was spurred on by a late night tiktok doom scroll as you lay together 'hanging out' in complete silence in her room the other night.

"i found a lockscreen-" she turned to show you a photo she'd taken at the markets on one of her film cameras, smiling at the familiar setting. "-but, can i use a photo of you as my phone background?" she asked hopefully as you groaned.

"what!" she huffed, a little offended by your reaction. "not if its one of those awful pictures you always take of me sleeping, or eating, or at that gross zoomed out angle but super close and-" you started to protest making her frown switch to a grin.

"no schatz, not a bad photo." she patted your knee reassuringly, sliding closer to you as your head fell to her shoulder, missing the way she tensed up a little, clearing her throat.

"i have nice ones. i will even let you choose!" laura promised as you hummed and she clicked into her camera roll, selecting an album with a little sun emoji.

"see? look these are all candid ones of you. at the farmers market, out at dinner, cooking at home, when we went to ikea, when we went to the night festival, getting coffee-" as she scrolled slowly through, something suddenly clicked in your mind.

in nearly all of these you and laura had been hanging out, but always just the two of you. you took turns paying for things, you were always laughing, she was always surprising you with little adventures or taking you to new places and forcing you out of your comfort zone.

but it was always just with laura, and then it clicked for you, it was laura, you loved laura.

the girl was too busy recounting the story behind one of the hundreds of photos in the album with a soft smile on her face to notice you pull your head away to look at her, finally seeing the slight blush on her cheeks and not missing the twinkle in her eye.

so maybe, just maybe, laura loved you too.

"lau." you interrupted, cutting her off mid sentence as she looked up and caught your eye, blush intensifying as she did. "was i rambling? oh god i was rambling wasn't i? i told you when that happens to snap me out of it or tell me to shut up or-" she started again making you smile.

"lau?" "yeah?" "shut up." you grinned as she did too, tips of her ears flushed pink which you found quite cute, suddenly now noticing a lot of little features you'd taken for granted.

"do you trust me?" you asked softly and the blonde nodded without a moments hesitation, but in her most wild of dreams she'd never expected what came next as your hand moved to settle on the back of her neck and you leaned in until you were barely a hairsbreadth away.

"is this okay?" you whispered, checking one last time as all the german could do was nod, dumbfounded and unsure if this was actually happening until you leaned in just that tiny bit further and pressed your lips to hers.

this was really happening, and as laura dropped her phone into her lap, tugging you even closer and kissing you back like you were her last breath of air, you realised that yeah, your laura did love you back, and this was the start of a brand new adventure together.

#woso community #woso #laura freigang x reader #laura freigang #woso x reader #woso fanfics #woso imagine #woso blurbs

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erodasfishtacos · 6 months

Text

The Stranger & The Thief (roommate!abo)

prompt: YN needs a roommate but has never been around alphas. Harry is the alpha her parents warned her about.

word count: 9.6k+

author’s note: hii guys. enjoy there is currently six more parts up of this series on my patreon which you can join for $3USD!

+++++++++++++++

YN didn’t mind alphas.

Not at all.

YN had grown up in a solely beta household which meant out of all of her family, she was the only omega.

It was difficult growing up, trying to figure out all the intricacies of her secondary gender when her family had no idea what any of it was or what it meant.

Heat was something that had been tortuous to figure out because she did that completely on her own.

All her parents could do was put food and water outside the locked bedroom door periodically as the heat, the pain, the agony persisted for at least five days before she started to feel relief.

A depression always followed for another week.

Then anxiety would start to consistently hurt her chest in the week leading up to her heat because her body is dreading the impending doom, of being dragged through the cycle with nothing that seemed to soothe the ache for her.

YN logically knew the solution would be an alpha, an alpha would be able to solve the problems that she was able to figure out on her own, in the privacy of her bedroom.

However, she grew up in a community that was mostly consisting of betas and omegas, there were a few alphas but none that would have been an option for YN.

Alphas intimidated her.

They were aggressive, demanding, dominant whereas she grew up around betas and omegas who were nurturing, empathic, patient.

It was two different worlds and though her parents did not speak down on alphas, that had made it clear that they felt like YN should settle for a nice beta.

YN never thought anything of it.

She did not crave an alpha.

Well…only during her heats but outside of that, there was no desire to mate with one.

All of her partners up until this point had been betas, that had been just fine for her, none of them were too serious.

The closest she got to a serious relationship was Tate, a gentle beta who was nice, thoughtful, and everything YN thought that she wanted in a partner.

It had been going strong for a few months when her heat had hit.

Tate had come over to offer assistance like they had previously discussed but it had not worked out well at all.

YN was embarrassed, she knew she had to face her boyfriend sooner or later, and she put it off for two more days after her heat.

They met at the coffee shop that was an even distance between their apartments.

Tate’s demeanor was off from the minute he sat down, he refused to look at YN directly in the eye, and he didn’t reach out to hold her hand across the table like he normally did anytime that they were out together.

He was the one who spoke first, “This isn’t going to work out.”

YN’s eyes widen in utter disbelief, things had been going so well up until her heat, “Tate, you cannot be serious. I…I’m sorry I acted that way but I did not know that was how I was going to react! We…I won’t ask you to help me out again but we don’t have to break up over it.”

Tate laughs without any humor, “I truly never thought you were a knot-snob.”

YN tenses at the derogatory term, it felt venomous coming out of his mouth, “Why would you say that? I’ve never even been interested in an alpha!”

He shakes his head, lips curling upwards in the slightest, “Really? Because I came over to help you, brought groceries, other things to help take care of you, and when I walked into the bedroom, you growled at me like you were feral.”

YN swallows harshly, she remembers, very vaguely and almost through a fog but she knows what he is saying is truthful.

“You demanded I leave because I was a ‘poor excuse of a man’ because I was a beta,” Tate’s anger cracks into something more devastated which made her feel awful because that was never her intention to hurt him, she would never purposely do that, “You said that I must be delusional to think I could satisfy you. Only an alpha could.”

YN knows there’s tears brimming at her eyes, she was aware of how nasty she had been to him, didn’t fully remember everything she had said but she did believe him about what he was repeating because it’s what went through her mind.

She remembers feeling disgust at seeing him, none of that love she normally has for him was present in her mind at the time, just pure anger that a beta thought that they could please her.

“We just don’t have to spend my heat together, Tate,” YN tries, she truly liked him, loved him as a friend, and saw potential in loving him as a partner.

Tate scoffs, self-deprecating as he finally meets her eye, “I will never be enough for you, YN. I know you weren’t in your right headspace when I came over but your nature made it very clear that you would never be satisfied in our relationship.”

He takes a deep breath, “You…You were a whole different person when I came to you. I thought omegas were supposed to be sweet, pliant, and gentle during their heats. You were agitated, aggressive, and hostile in a way that truly frightened me.”

“Tate, please,” YN reaches for his hand but he retracts it instinctually back onto his lap.

“I…I am not doing this because I want it to be like this. I saw a future with you, truly, I did. I…I really think that you should be with an alpha because it’d be unfair for you and the beta if you continue to date them,” Tate sighs as he gathers his coat, he does have that same gentleness when he gives her a soft smile, “I do wish you the best of luck, YN.”

YN had curled in on herself after that, tucked away into a shell, and has been in there ever since.

It’s been about six month since she’d broken up with Tate and she had made the mistake of asking another beta for help during her heat, it was friend who knew what they were in for but she just had to really make sure that it was unsafe for her to be with a beta before she ruled them out of her dating life.

YN was only on the precipice of her heat, hoping that if the beta came while she was still more cognizant that it would go more smoothly.

That turned out to be an absolute mistake.

Trevor was coming with the idea that he may need to leave within a few minutes of being there or he could be staying for the length of her heat depending on how it would go.

She had given him the key to get into her apartment so that he didn’t have to wait around for her to answer the door.

YN unfortunately remembers the events that transpire but even though she was aware during their interaction, she felt out of control of her body as she typically did in heat where she couldn’t stop herself from reacting as her wolf mind wanted her to.

“YN? Are you alright? I’m here,” Trevor calls out, smiling when YN appears in the small hallway of the apartment, “Oh hey, sorry I was late but there was a line at the store -”

YN’s eyes are wild, unfocused, and her hair is already messy from rolling around in her nest that she had spent time meticulously building as she started to fall into her heat, “Get the fuck out.”

“YN, listen we talked about -” Trevor begins easily, undeterred at first by her words.

“What? Do you think that you’re going to help me through this heat?” YN laughs meanly, shaking her head with a sharp, cruel smile, “I can smell you. What a weak fucking scent. A beta comes into my home like they can satisfy my heat. You are a joke to think you could give me what an alpha could.”

Trevor swallowed harshly, trying not to let the words hurt his feelings, his masculinity, the security he typically felt in his secondary gender but YN’s words were meant to gnaw at his insides, make him question himself.

“YN,” Trevor replies firmer, standing a bit straighter despite his hands trembling.

“Beta,” She replies but it rolls off her tongue like an insult, “You are nothing to me. You think I would want pups from a weak fucking beta? I’d rather never have a knot in my life than the little you have to offer me. You will never be my alpha.”

Trevor has to bite back the insulting name he would want to call her, knowing that that wouldn’t be helpful but also that him being here was not going to be helpful nor did he want to stay because he was worried she was about to rip his throat out.

He shakes his head, a sour taste in his mouth at the rejection of the omega, he had already been insecure in comparison to the alphas around him.

However, he had a crush on YN, he was stupid for thinking that she would magically be okay with him supporting her through her heat, and now he was realizing that was an absolute mistake because he felt worse than he ever as has before.

In the moment, that was her goal to make him feel that he was less than and she had succeeded.

“I’m just going to leave,” Trevor tells her as he turns towards the door, his bottom lip was quivering as he hangs his head, trying desperately to rationalize this, this wasn’t the kind, sweet, YN that he normally knew, this was feral at best.

“Good,” YN coos as she stands defensively in the door, her eyes were darker than Trevor had ever seen them and the smile on her face wasn’t one that relayed friendliness, it was like she was about to downright murder him.

Trevor has never moved so fast in his life.

YN was lucid enough during that to understand why Trevor avoided her like the plague after that, never returning her texts, and the one time she ran into him at the gas station, well he acted like he’d never seen her a day in his life.

She held no blame or ill-will, the things she said were nasty, cruel, and unlike her normal character but it wasn’t an excuse.

YN sent him a few long messages detailing how sorry she was, how she regretted putting him in that situation because she valued him as a friend but they all got left on read.

After that, she stopped trying to find anyone to help her with her heat.

She deleted her dating apps and pushed off the idea of finding someone else.

YN also went to the doctor for her erratic behavior during these times.

“Heat-Induced Aggression and Rage Disorder,” The doctor had told her simply, unphased by her explanation of her symptoms, “Most omegas can spend their cycle with any secondary gender, even other omegas. However, the disorder occurs when an omega requires an alpha and will become aggressive when a beta or an omega attempts to help.”

“How do I solve it?” YN asks desperately, this meant that she would never be able to spend her heat with someone and she couldn’t possibly imagine actually being with an alpha, she’d never been around one, really.

YN, of course, came in contact with alphas on the day-to-day, it wasn’t like they were rare.

It was that she didn’t have any friends, coworkers, or connections to alphas because she was in such a densely populated beta area before moving to the city after she graduated college.

“You need to find an alpha who’s willing to spend your heats with you or continue to spend you heats alone,” The doctor shrugs without any better explanation, “Unless you wish to take medication to completely stop your cycle but that has major medical risks that I would advise against, especially if you ever wish to have children.”

That’s where YN is at, with a disorder that doesn’t have a treatment that sounds remotely reasonable to her.

Searching whether in person or online for an alpha partner was extremely unsafe which meant that she had resorted to the fact that she would forever spend her heats alone, in pain.

It made her jealous when her omega friends bragged about how enjoyable, how blissful their heats were spent with their partners.

YN wishes she loved hers but instead, she finds herself thinking death sounds more pleasurable than forever spending five days locked in her bedroom by herself, a slave to her own nature with no help from anyone.

++ a year later ++

YN was going to pull her hair out, it was official because why was it so hard to find someone who appeared somewhat normal to fill the empty bedroom in her apartment?

For the last three years, YN had lived in peaceful harmony with her beta friend, Eileen.

Eileen had started dating her girlfriend, Regina, right after they moved in together.

Two weeks ago, Eileen had let YN know that she was moving out and in with Regina after their recent engagement which meant that she no longer had any income to help her with the rent nor the utilities in less than a month.

YN could technically afford everything on her own, the lease was in her name but it made money tight enough that she had to budget down to the dollar which she despised doing - it was much more manageable when she had someone splitting the bills with her.

And because she would rather not have to cut back on her frivolous spending like her unreasonable expensive smoothies and sure, maybe everytime she sees a pair of socks that look exceptionally comfy she feels the need to buy them.

However, after a third interview with a potential flatmate, YN thought that this may be an impossible task and she should already start her budgeting because there had been issues with all three interviewees.

The first, beta, needed the bathroom from six to nine pm with no explanation as to why.

The second, an omega, stated that she would need to be able to conduct an in-person yoga lesson with six people every other day in their living room.

The third, another beta, demanded that they split the fridge storage fifty-fifty because their last roommate put milk on their shelf of the fridge which they defined as a ‘personal attack’ because they were vegan.

So hopeless is where she found herself after that third beta.

That’s where Niall comes in, her lovely lovely beta friend who sometimes she worries has rocks for brain and other times he’s absolutely the most brilliant being to ever walk the earth, it just honestly depends on the day.

However, she could kiss him when he arrives at her apartment with a bag of chinese takeout and something to solve all of her issues completely, “I have a mate from work who needs a place. He makes good money so I know he’d have no issue paying his part. He’s cool, I trust him enough to recommend him, I’ve worked with him for like six years.”

YN barely even hesitated, she trusted Niall enough to know that he wouldn’t have offered the solution if he didn’t think that it was a good option for her.

He does get sheepish halfway through, “I…I did forget to mention that he’s an alpha.”

YN pauses at that, narrowing her eyes at him because he definitely left that part out in the initial description.

“Niall-” YN begins to huff because it’s not that she totally objected but it was something for her to consider and he had just left that out.

“I know, I know,” Niall puts his hands up, “He’s cool though. He really keeps to himself. I know you’ve never been around alphas, let alone live with one but I really think it would be fine. Don’t you trust me? Plus, he really needs a place to stay.”

YN really should give it more thought.

“He just texted and said he’d be willing to pay three thirds of the rent,” Niall tells her as he looks down at his phone, “If he can move in as soon as possible. Plus he’ll cover internet and electric.”

YN really really should think on it.

She’d never been around an alpha, let alone lived with one, she needs to think about it, weigh the pros and cons.

“Tell him he can move in on Friday,” YN finds herself saying and before she can think better of it, Niall is quickly typing away on his phone and the text alert goes off.

“He said that works for him,” Niall gives her an oblivious thumbs up before picking back up his container of rice and clicking the movie back on like he didn’t just wheel and deal the quickest decision she’s ever made in her life.

She didn’t even ask his name.

YN typically isn’t this dumb.

She actually prided herself on her impulse control and rational thinking but as she flutters around the apartment on Friday evening, trying to make it as spotless as possible for her new flatmate, she really starts to question her own sanity.

YN realizes that she’s going to have to have serious conversations with this alpha about boundaries, what will they do when it comes to their cycles, and the thought that their scents will run rampant because they obviously won’t use neutralizers when they’re at home.

Niall had not given much more information beside the fact that his name was Harry, he was twenty-eight, and had a higher up position in the company than Niall so they didn’t always have much interaction, Niall had actually just overheard a conversation he was having on the phone.

YN finds out that he had lived on his own since college but after his landlord decided he was going to sell the house he was renting, Harry had to find somewhere else quickly, and that resulted in him moving in with a friend from university.

That friend was another alpha, which turned sour very after soon after moving in together.

Niall was a bit hesitant when he told her that the issue was Harry, not the other alpha.

Harry was territorial, more of the pack leader type, and it became apparent within days that Harry simply could not share a space with another virile alpha despite Harry forcing the other alpha to submit to him on multiple occasions, it didn’t matter.

Even though Niall assured her that it wouldn’t be an issue because she was an omega, it didn’t make her feel much better but she has too strong of a conscious to promise a place for Harry to stay to then to pull that away from him.

Of course, Niall, the twat, couldn’t make it over while Harry was moving in because he had to go to a family birthday dinner which meant that it would just be the two of them.

“It will just be time to get to know one another,” Niall chirped easily on the phone, unbothered and oblivious to the tension that was building in YN.

Harry was supposed to be here at six in the evening.

He quite literally knocks on the door at exactly six.

YN hesitates for a moment before opening the door, her heart was beating unusually fast, and when she opens it, it begins to pump even faster.

The man standing in front of her was clearly an alpha without her even knowing this information before hand.

It was interwoven into every aspect of his being, in a way that could be seen physically but on the other hand, it was unspoken, she couldn’t quite describe it but he was exactly what she imagined an alpha to be.

All of him was defined, sharp from his jaw to his nose to his arms.

His shoulders were broad enough that YN wondered if he could even fit through the doorway without squeezing them inward.

He was tall, taller than she had imagined him, and that added with his width and the pure heft of his bulky but lean muscles - he was fucking intimidating and could hurt her without a shadow of a doubt, she’d be defensless.

This is a bad idea.

YN should tell him he can’t move in.

Her parents raised her better than to let a six foot something, very capable alpha in her home to share with her without knowing anything about him.

The fact of the matter was, he did not even look friendly.

Some alphas were like golden retrievers, easy going and a bit airheaded.

Harry was the stark opposite end of that.

The type of alpha that people avoid because of how dangerous they can be.

If YN was walking down the sidewalk and he was walking towards her, she would without a doubt cross the road to avoid bumping into him but yet, she was welcoming him into her house and something within her felt like this was a good idea.

Her inner omega that is.

Who we all know craves an alpha like water and air.

She pushes that down, as much as possible when she notices how big his hands are and how they would look holding her hips -

He has a frown on his face, the light wrinkles it causes shows YN that he has that expression quite often as he looks at her with a mixture of boredom and exasperation, he should be so fucking friendly because of how much YN is overextending to help him.

He isn’t.

After a moment, YN realizes she’d been staring at him dumbly and has yet to introduce herself.

“YN?” Harry finally asks and his voice is deep, only like an alpha’s can be, no beta could even imitate the vibrato of that tone.

“Yeah, uh, come in?” YN’s voice is higher pitched than she’d prefer as she steps aside, her greeting coming out much more like a question than a statement.

Harry blinks dully at her, a backpack over his shoulder and a few boxes next to his feet, “If you do not want me to come in, just say it. If me being an alpha or a guy is too much, tell me now before I move all my fuckin’ stuff in. I don’t like playing these back and forth games.”

YN is startled by his attitude, she can’t recall a time when anyone has ever talked to her so bluntly or without politeness which again, inherently an alpha thing but it still had her off kilter a bit as his face doesn’t change.

“No, sorry, yeah. You can bring your stuff in, I haven’t changed my mind,” YN steps further back into the apartment, spreading her arms, “This is it. Sorry, I know it isn’t much but I guess a roof over your head is better than nothing.”

Harry doesn’t even bother to look around, doesn’t compliment the comfy furniture or the cute little decorations, “It’s fine. Where’s my room?”

YN knows her smile falls when she realizes this is going exceptionally worse than she had already been dreading, which means that she leads him around the apartment, showing him the bathroom, laundry, linen closet, and then to his room as he remains completely silent.

When he goes to begin to bring his few boxes in, YN moves to pick one up to help but he stops her abruptly, voice firm and demanding, “No. Put that down.”

YN’s eyebrows shoot into her hairline, “Sorry!” She apologizes for the millionth time in less than thirty minutes, “I was just trying to be helpful.”

Harry snarls his lip in the slightest, “Am I the alpha or are you?”

YN’s swallows harshly, voice small, “You are.”

“Right. I am the alpha, I will move the heavy boxes, I will unpack. It is my job, not yours,” Harry tells her as he brushes past her to deposit the box into his room before coming out for the next one without anything else to say.

YN should probably stand her ground, set those firm boundaries but she doesn’t, instead she hides out in her room with her cat, Beatrice, (who was also hiding from the unknown visitor) and does not plan to come out until tomorrow morning or until he’s asleep.

But no, when it’s nearly ten at night, YN finally gathers enough courage to knock on his bedroom door to set the house rules, the boundaries because she couldn’t make Harry like her but they could at least be civil.

Or so she thought.

Harry answered the door after a minute, his shirt was off and he was just in a pair of joggers, there was stuff all over his room that he was obviously in the midst of organizing but it also looked worse before everything fit perfectly into place.

“What?” He asks impatiently, like he has a timeframe and YN is disrupting something major.

YN’s mind goes completely blank for a moment because for the first time since he came in, probably because it was night time and his morning scent neutralizers had worn off but she can smell his natural scent for the first time.

It was stronger because he didn’t have anything blocking his glands, his chest was heavily tattooed, and unfairly defined, looking as if he never spent a minute outside of the gym with muscles cut in places YN didn’t even know muscle existed.

His scent was…unlike anything that she had ever smelled in her life.

It was rich, deep, and dark.

It made her dizzy, sleepy, like she could fall into a trance of getting lost in it.

Thick, warm waves of it seemed to short-circuit her mind and make it hard for her to even remember what her purpose was of standing in front of him.

She had never reacted so strongly to scent in her life, never even noticed most of the time what others smelled like but this was seeping into her veins and she couldn’t quite get enough of it as she tried to subtly breathe it in as much as possible.

“What do you want?” Harry reiterates, louder and definitely more annoyed as he crosses his arms.

YN has to blink a few times before she’s shaking her head, “Uh, I just wanted to go over like….house rules? Anything you need from me? Boundaries? How can we operate around each other since we’re going to be living together?”

Harry jaw clenches, his nostrils flared, and he looks appalled.

YN realizes then that he must be able to smell her and by his reaction, he must absolutely hate her scent which made shame and mortification run through her body, of being rejected by this alpha was absolutely confidence crushing.

YN swallows down the whine.

Harry’s eyes trace up to her once, “Here’s the house rules, stay out of my way, and I’ll stay out of yours. I’m not looking for a friend. I’m only looking for a place to stay. Understood?”

YN’s mouth is dry, her brain is having a hard time focusing on the harshness of his words because his scent is flashing bright sparkles in her eyesight at the same time, “What about your rut? My heat?”

Harry’s eyes narrow, turning a bit predatory, dangerous for a moment before he’s replying, “I’m sure you have help. If you bring another beta or omega here, that will be fine. I will not bother you. Niall told me you do not typically associate with alphas.”

“Um, okay…That works,” YN lies because she really can’t have another omega or beta here but if she has too, maybe she can try again? Maybe if they come over while she’s not yet in her heat? She’ll have to think about that later, “Your rut?”

“I have it handled,” Harry replies defensively, stepping back and putting his hand on the doorknob, “Just give me a heads up beforehand so that I won’t be blindsided by coming home to the scent change but I will also communicate that with you.”

“Okay, that sounds good-”

The door is shut on her without her even being able to finish her sentence.

“Rude ass fucking alpha,” YN mutters under her breath as she shakes her head, when she plops on her bed, she may or may not scream into her pillow for a moment because she just got herself into a worse situation than she could imagine.

But yet it hasn’t once crossed her mind to kick him out.

Why?

She doesn’t have a clue.

YN does not see Harry once during the first two weeks of him living with her.

Not even a glimpse.

And YN would actually wonder if he still even lived here if she wasn’t constantly overwhelmed by his scent.

He must come out of his room once YN is asleep, she does not understand how it is so thick, cloying on every surface of her apartment.

The second you walk in, it hits you, and lets anybody who enters know that an alpha lives here, there would not even be a doubt.

YN vaguely finds herself wondering one night as she sits on her couch whether or not Harry had scent marked the apartment, claiming it as his territory.

She had heard alphas do that, especially when they live with their omega to show that their mate has an alpha who protects them and their home.

However, that’s not the case here, and YN is pretty sure that Harry doesn’t even remotely like her, let alone want to live here so why would he want to claim it?

She rules that out as a possibility, mostly, but when she wakes up in the morning and he had already left for the day, well she can’t help but notice as fucking beautiful her house smells.

YN only gets her heat every six months with the suppressant she’s on but the entire month leading up to it, she finds herself starting to get more rooted in her omega tendencies.

Harry had been living with her for fourish months by this point and nothing had changed since the beginning.

He didn’t use the living room, showered early before YN would wake up and was already gone, and stayed out of the kitchen before she would go to bed.

In the four months, the sightings had been few and far between and she realized that he meant it very literally when he said that he’ll stay out of her way if she stays out of his.

In the sparse times they’ve shared space, whether it was in the hallway or kitchen, Harry’s lip would always curl up and his nose twitched which always incited a bit of insecurity about her scent.

She had always gotten compliments on hers, how light and powdery it smelled like clean laundry spritzed with a hint of orange blossom and vanilla.

YN did not understand why it was so unappealing to the alpha but he was in for a rude awakening as the month leading up to her heat began.

Her scent got noticeably stronger, she felt the urge to scentmark more items in her apartment to claim that this was her home and safe space.

As expected, Harry didn’t say anything the day it all started to intensify.

And to be fair, he never said anything to her.

The closest thing she would get was a low grunt of greeting but despite that, she felt safe with him in her home, and never had any worry that she was in danger.

The alpha made her feel an overwhelming sense of security, in fact, that she had never felt with any beta or omega.

It wasn’t necessary that he was mean to her or treated her poorly, he just…was there.

He didn’t bring anyone home with him, never asked if he could have someone spend the night nor has she ever smelled any visitors either.

However, things really start to change in the beginning of October, the month before her heat would crest and peak before the cycle started all over again.

The first major change she would notice was the difficulty sleeping.

Normally, she slept better than most without typically ever having to get up in the middle of the night or any tossing and turning.

When October hit, it felt near impossible for her to fall asleep and then when she was so exhausted that she did end passing out, it wouldn’t be long before she was awake again which made her always feel like she needed a nap.

It was late for a weekday, the clock showing that it was close to midnight, and she had to be up for work at six in the morning but her body did not seem to get the memo because after attempting to sleep since ten, it had not been successful.

YN decided to give it some time before she laid back down again.

YN grabbed a bag of pretzels from the cupboard, gave Beatrice one of the squeeze tubes of tuna-flavored goop, and cuddled up on the couch in the living room.

Of course, nothing sounded good as she flipped through the options, and decided on a romantic comedy that didn’t really interest her but it was her best option to make her sleepy, even if it was from the boredom of a corny film.

YN was about thirty-five minutes in when she realized that the movie wasn’t a helpful tool to fall asleep because she was completely interested in the plot line and she was even more awake than before trying to follow the story.

It made her jump in the slightest when the lock turns in the front door before it’s being opened roughly as Harry walks into the small entryway, shutting the door behind him, and beginning to shuck his coat without even realizing she was sitting there.

She hears him grumpily mumble, “Always leaves the fuckin’ television on.”

Which, yeah, she does forget half the time and the other half she feels like Beatrice likes it on for comfort.

Harry looked worn down, tired, and as beautiful as ever.

He had a duffle over his shoulder that most likely held his work clothes and gym outfit because YN was quite sure that after he was down at his office, he went to the gym which he was at for quite a long time.

She vaguely remembers Niall saying that he boxes occasionally for money and that he trains daily which was a pretty brutal routine of working out before work and after work with no time for relaxation in between.

After he’s lined his shoes up neatly against the wall, (YN notices that he also does the same with her shoes that she had half-haphazardly kicked off when she came home from work), he walks into the living room.

It was obvious that he was going toward the television to shut it off but he lets out the lowest growl of surprise when he spots YN tucked deeply into the corner of the couch with a blanket tucked like a burrito around her.

And YN had never heard, in real life, an alpha growl before.

Instead of being scared, she felt the sudden urge to purr, which scared the absolute shit out of her because why the fuck would she want to purr? She’d only done that when she was a pup and never in her adult life.

Why would she want to do that when this alpha was obviously on edge to the point of growling.

“What are you doing?” Harry grunts, voice sharp and annoyed, nostrils flaring as he must take in her smell.

“I couldn’t sleep,” YN replies hesitantly, eyes darting back up to the screen and then to him because his gaze was so intense and accusatory - it was her house, she could be wherever she wanted when she wanted no matter what time.

“Why?” Harry follows up, his arms crossing over his chest, and making his biceps look unfairly big.

YN grits her teeth, debating on whether she wants to give him a snarky remark to mind his business but then she remembers that she has to live with him and would rather not have them on worse terms then they already seem to be on.

“I always have difficulty sleeping the month of my pre-heat,” YN shrugs, a little embarrassed to be talking about something so intimate with someone who likely did not want to hear anything about her personal life.

“Is that normal?” Harry’s brow furrows, not seeming to like her answer to his question.

YN swipes her tongue across her front teeth nervously, “Um, not really. I…I have a lot of issues regarding my heats and that is one of many. Yeah, I see a doctor but there’s only so much they can do, I guess.”

Harry nods in understanding, doesn’t ask anymore questions or even acknowledge her again as he goes about making himself something to eat before disappearing into his room without another word to her which she was used to by this point.

YN rewinds the movie at bit, she couldn’t really focus when Harry was in the vicinity, and his smell was so fucking overwhelming as he obviously hadn’t showered after the gym and was waiting until he got home.

It wasn’t a bad smell, neither of sweat or filth.

No, it was just that his already delicious smell was stronger, darker, and just encompassing every molecule of the apartment.

It takes her a moment to refocus her attention back on the screen and remember where she had left off, vaguely hearing the shower start to run before he’s shutting the door to his bedroom a little more roughly than a normal.

The plot takes a very unexpectant twist at the end and YN didn’t realize that this rom-com had a sad ending which she really wasn’t used to in most films like this.

After working through all the turmoil and drama that kept popping up for this couple, they finally get it right, and the alpha was about to propose to the omega when he got in a car accident, and ended up passing away.

YN doesn’t not even recognize that she is sobbing like an absolute baby until Harry is standing in front of her with a twitch of irritation in his jaw and only in a pair of joggers, nothing stopping her from seeing the bare, defined muscle of his upper half.

“Why are you crying?” Harry asks as he looks down at her, arms crossed yet again.

YN wipes her face with the sleeve of her oversized hoodie, tears tracks surely making her face puffy as she sits up, “It ha-had a really sad ending I wasn’t expecting,” YN nods up towards where the credit were rolling, “Th-The alpha dies and doesn't get to pro-propose.”

“That’s got you all worked up?” Harry sighs as he moves to grab the remote, flicking off the television and motioning for her to stand up, “You need to try to go to sleep.”

“I can’t sleep,” YN nearly whines, making tears start again.

Oh, did she mention she gets unreasonably emotional during her pre-heat?

“Try,” Harry insists and he gently grabs her wrist, pulling her to her feet, “For both of our sakes, please just try to get some rest.”

YN frowns at that, why does it matter to him?

She hates that she feels disappointed when he lets go of her.

“Okay,” YN agrees as she shuffles her feet towards her bedroom, despising that despite how unfriendly the alpha is, she finds herself wanting comfort from him which…it just doesn’t make any sense and she pushes those thoughts to the very back of her mind.

YN veers off towards the bathroom first and by the time she turns to say goodnight, Harry’s already back in his room with the door shut, and she just ends up sighing before shutting the door of the bathroom to use it before she tries to sleep again.

As she sits down, she notices a pile of fabric in the corner near the sink, and out of curiosity once she’s done, she plucks it up and holds it out.

It was the shirt that Harry had been wearing when he came home, the one he worked out in, and it was absolutely drenched in that smell that made YN weak at the knees.

Harry was meticulously clean.

He never even left behind as much as a crumb of a sandwich and so seeing a shirt of his was unusual because it had never happened before.

YN has no excuse for her behavior, doesn’t really even consciously realize that she’s doing it until she’s back in her room with his shirt tucked up into her hoodie.

She pulls it out and pathetically enough, brings it to her nose where it just smells of alpha, comfort, security, and everything she could ever imagine

It feels wrong, invasive to his privacy almost, and she has never done anything like this in her life.

There was something that outweighed all those negative feelings because she finds that as soon as she lays down and tucks the shirt around her pillow to lay her face into, her eyes instantly become droopy and in no time, she’s out like a light.

YN tries to push the whole shirt incident out of her mind the next day, blaming it on her pre-heat haziness, and absolutely nothing else.

Logically, she knows she should return his shirt to him, at least tossing it in his hamper but his scent lingered for days afterwards and there was a direct correlation to how much better she had been sleeping since.

When the scent was completely gone, it was like clockwork that YN began to not be able to fall asleep.

It leads her to another night on the couch, another night of Harry coming in late, and being irritated that she was still awake.

“You were fine the last few nights,” Harry notes as his greeting, no ‘hello’ or ‘how was your day’.

YN bites the corner of her lip, lowering the volume a tad on the television, “I know.”

“So why are you up right now?” Harry questions and god, are all alphas this blunt and impersonal or was it just this alpha in particular.

“Because I couldn’t sleep,” YN replies like it’s obvious.

Harry bares his teeth slightly, “Why can’t you sleep?”

“I told you, my pre-heat,” YN realizes that she’s getting a bit defensive because the real answer is much more mortifying and something she would never actually share with him.

He steps in, dropping his duffle unceremoniously, and walks closer to her.

Harry starts to speak slowly, precisely like he’s trying to get YN to understand, “I am not stupid. I understand that. I am asking you, what made you sleep the last few nights? You slept like a rock when I check-, when I walked past your room.”

YN shouldn’t react the way she does but she feels in a way that all the tension between them bubbles up.

Not to mention, it’s incredibly irritating to her how drawn her omega is to him, his scent, his presence, and she fucking hates it because he’s a dickhead.

“I don’t fuckin know, okay? Leave it alone. I’m allowed to be in my living room at whatever hour of the night I please without a fucking interregation,” YN snaps at him angrily, cursing when tears start to drip down her cheeks, and these hormones just sucked, amplifying every emotion she has ten-fold.

Harry lets out a low growl at that, just like the other night, and it doesn’t scare YN once again.

No, for some reason it makes her anger ebb just the slightest.

“Stop the attitude,” Harry replies evenly but his voice was deeper, “I was just checking in on you.”

Anyone else telling her to stop her attitude?

It would have escalated into a nasty fight.

YN instead just deflates, curling up further into her blanket, and covering her face because she just couldn’t get in control of the tears that were streaming down.

He must think she’s a lunatic.

Harry leaves her once again to go shower.

YN’s absolutely praying that he leaves a shirt rumbled on the floor again, despite how guilty that thought makes her feel.

She just wants sleep and for her hormones to even out.

YN feels a bit like a criminal when she goes to the bathroom, soon after Harry had went back out to make himself something for dinner, and there’s a massive disappointment in her stomach when the bathroom is as spotless as always.

She is craving the scent, she knows she can get another fix of it but it would definitely be in his hamper, in his room, and it’s such an invasion of privacy for her to go in there but then again, he’s frying something on the stovetop and he wouldn’t know…

YN’s never stolen in her life, not even gum or nail polish when she was younger, and it’s not even really stealing because she’ll give it back as soon as the scent wears off (but that’s not really true because she hasn’t returned his other shirt and has no intention of it).

She’s already opened his door, quickly scoping out the space, and realizing that his bedroom was the absolute fucking motherload of everything she could ever dream of.

If she thought their whole apartment smelled like him, his bedroom was if you bottled it in a jar, it was thicker, more cloying than ever, and she noticed a purring in her chest before she realized she was doing it and stopped.

If she was completely insane, she would try to grab as much as possible, until her arms are overflowing and she can’t carry out anything else without it falling.

But she’s not that far off the deep end that she did that, she felt creepy enough as she tiptoed over to his laundry hamper and snatched the shirt that was lying on top, the one that Harry had walked in the apartment wearing early.

YN wishes she could loiter a bit longer but that meant a higher chance that she was going to get caught.

She is surprisingly successful as she sneaks back into her room, proud that she now has two shirts to add to her nest.

YN always had a nest, it provided her comfort and security but she absolutely loved that she could intertwine the fabric together with her soft blankets.

This meant she was guaranteed a few more good night sleeps.

YN was running incredibly behind for work the next.

She had slept so well that she must have turned off her alarm instead of snoozing iit.

Because when she finally cracks her eyes open, the sun is breaking through her blinds, and her body knows that it is much later than six in the morning.

Her phone confirms that when she clicks on the screen she sees that it is seven-thirty-five.

Any other day, it really wouldn’t be that big of a deal because besides meetings she could make her own schedule.

Of course, of course, she sleeps on the day of an important presentation that she was the head presenter on.

It started at nine which didn’t give her much wiggle room because the commute takes a decent amount of time and that’s if there’s no hectic traffic.

“Shit, shit, shit,” YN chants to herself when rolls out of bed, glaring judgmentally at Beatrice, and muttering, “You wake me up every other morning for breakfast, but not today, of all days?”

Beatrice blinks slowly at her before she lifts her paw pointedly and nibbles on it.

There’s no time for a shower or the makeup she wanted to do.

The only luck that was on her side was that she laid her outfit out last night after being incredibly indecisive about what she wanted to wear in front of the board of higher ups.

She had tugged her hair up into a loose ponytail that actually passed for the messy updo style, and put on her best push-up bra right after.

YN figured that while she was tugging on her trousers that she could go out to feed Beatrice, the button was being finicky as it always tending to be so she was looking down as she begin down the hall, and nearly fell backwards when she runs into something hard, warm, and delicious smelling.

Harry’s big hands reach out and wrap around her bare arms, keeping her upright as she yelps in surprise, pants going unbuttoned for a moment as she grips Harry’s forearms for stability and looks at him with wide eyes.

His nostrils are flaring viciously, an irritated growling rumbling through his chest, and he keeps his eyes on her the full time.

They never once darted down to her chest, that not only was just covered by her bra but was also sheer enough that her nipples were completely visible through the nude fabric.

YN is confused by her own desire to just curl into his chest and feel his shirtless chest against her barely clothed one, and what the fuck.

“Wha-“ YN stammers in confusion, why is he home?

“Why aren’t you at work?” Harry asks pointedly, his jaw was clenched tightly enough that it must be aching with soreness.

“I-I overslept,” She replies shakily, his hands still gripping her arms, fingertips pressing in, “I need to feed Beatrice.”

“No, what you need to do is get yourself dressed. Do you walk around half-naked with every alpha you know? S’indecent,” He’s scolding her like a child as he finally steps back.

YN has been so nice up until this point, despite how wonky her hormones have been.

She’s typically never a nasty person.

She rarely ever gets angry either.

However, today was the wrong day to fuck with her.

“Fuck you,” YN snaps back out of her stupor, much to Harry’s surprise, “I told I was late and I didn’t think you’d be home because you’re always at work by now. I’m sorry I’ve offended you with my body, prick.”

YN turns on her heel, storming back to her room, and snatching up her phone to check the time to see an email notification from her work.

Good morning,

We hope this email finds you well. Our office has to be unfortunately shut down for the next few days due to a major power outage after flooding in the basement of the building. We are estimating a three to four day shutdown. To show our gratitude for your patience, these days will be marked as paid time off. Stay tuned for more information and updates.

Thank you,

Evergreen Financial Accounting

YN feels a huge weight lifted off her chest because not only does she get a few days to relax but now she isn’t going to be late to her important presentation .

However, she does not feel completely relieved because the anger chewing at her over her housemate is just as heavy, even more prominent, and has triggered her inner hormonal omega.

YN fees a flash of defiance which is never a good sign as she usually never tries to rock the boat or cause a stir, prefers to fly under the radar.

No, not today.

YN storms back out of her room because she was going to feed Beatrice in her bra and unbuttoned work slacks if she wanted to.

Harry was sat on the living room couch which was an uncommon sight, a protein drink in a shaker cup, and his eyes on his phone in the opposite hand.

YN goes back into the kitchen, deciding she might as well make herself a breakfast sandwich while she’s at it after she fills Beatrice’s bowl.

She can feel his eyes on her, intense and if it could, his gaze would be burning a hole in her back with how directed and annoyed it was.

YN moves slowly, now that she’s in no rush at all, and she feels stupid for being surprised when Harry lets out a snarl loud enough to echo in the space.

YN doesn’t turn around.

It feels dangerous, she’d learned over and over again growing up to never ever antagonize an alpha, and here she was.

When she doesn’t respond to the noise, it gets louder and makes her ears ring just the slightest, he’s trying to force her attention on him.

Bossy, ill-mannered alpha.

His voice is closer when he speaks, she never even hears him get up.

“Go get some fuckin’ clothes on,” Harry orders, his voice deeper, raspier than she had ever heard it.

But it also sent a very unpleasant spark of nervousness up her spine because the alpha in front of her was past the point of being annoyed, he was furious.

His shoulders were as broad as they could go, his teeth flashing at her, and his scent was richer, thicker, tinged with a sharp pine.

The playful, brattiness dissipates from her body as his growls stay loud, demanding, deafening.

YN doesn’t realize at first what a bad decision it is to flip her hair over her shoulder, putting her bare bond spot right on display in front of an agitated alpha.

To her utter dismay, he steps forward and their chests are nearly touching, his eyes were now completely focused on the curve of her neck.

When he reaches up, cupping the side of her neck, and curiously thumbs over the spot, YN cannot control the whine that leaves her throat.

His eyes move directly back up to hers, the noise drags him for his daze, and back into reality.

He actually does look her up and down this time, eyes lingering on her chest for a minute before he’s hissing at her once again, “Go get a fucking shirt on.”

With that, he’s turning and grabbing his duffle before storming out the front door, shutting it hard enough it vibrates but then she still hears him take the time to lock it.

Stupid fucking alpha.

+++++++++

#harry styles writing #harry styles #harry styles masterlist #harry styles fluff #harry styles smut #harry styles angst #harry styles one shot #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles au #harry styles fanfic

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engie-ivy · 2 months

Text

(Because I wanted to write Dramatic Teen Remus😋)

@wolfstarmicrofic 8th: Teenagers

741 words

Lyall dealing with Dramatic Teen Remus

First and Last

“It's mustard!” Remus exclaims, dropping the tie on the floor and covering his face with his hands. “What was I thinking? I can't wear bloody mustard!”

His father calmly walks up to him, while picking up the tie from the floor. “It's not mustard,” he says patiently, as he puts the tie around his son’s neck and ties it for him. “It's ocre, and we picked it because it really brings out your eyes.”

Remus studies his reflection in the mirror for a moment, fiddling with the tie, and eventually, he releases a breath. “Okay. Yes. You're right.”

His father chuckles. “Aren't I always?”

Remus smiles to himself in the mirror. “Well, I do recall one moment…”

10 years earlier

Remus doesn't even bother to lift his head from the table when he hears the kitchen door open.

“Ah,” his father says. “You're home. I already thought I heard someone.”

By means of a reply, Remus lets out a groan.

“That kind of a night, eh?” His father says sympathetically as Remus hears him rummaging around the kitchen. “Looks like it was quite the party, but not in a good way. I take it James’ birthday was not what you had hoped? I'm sorry, lad. Do I dare ask what happened?”

Remus lifts his head and wants to tell his father to ‘please just leave him alone’, but his resolve crumbles when his father places a big mug of his favourite tea and a plate with his favourite cookies in front of him. As his father takes the chair in front him, Remus lets out a deep sigh. “Do I really need to say it? You already know, don't you?”

“Well,” his father says. “It looks like a Sirius issue to me.”

Remus glares at him, but his father juist gives him an innocent smile.

“He was chatting with her all evening,” Remus blurts out. “Laughing and dancing together. He didn't even notice I was there.” Remus shakes his head. “God, I'm so stupid.”

“You're not stupid, my boy. You're in love.”

Remus looks down at his mug. “I'm stupid for ever expecting anything different. Of course he'll never want me. I'm not pretty like she is, I'm not popular like she is, I'm not even a girl like she is!” Remus lets his head fall back on the table. “He's gonna live some perfect life with some perfect girl, while I'll stay lonely and pathetically pining for the rest of my life!”

“Well, at least you haven't been jumping to any dramatic conclusions,” his father says dryly, and Remus lifts his head to glare at him, but then his father reaches out and pats his hand. “I know these feelings are overwhelming right now, but I promise you it isn't all that bad.”

“How can you say that?” Remus complains. “I'm doomed to watch from afar forever, my life might as well be over!”

“You're fifteen years old, Remus,” his father says. “Your life has barely begun! And your love life hasn't even begun. Listen lad,” he squeezes Remus’ hand. “Sirius is your first crush, and I know that can feel intense and all-consuming, and right now, you think you're always going to feel like this, but believe me, you won't. These feelings will pass, and there'll be other boys, other men, and other heartbreaks, but when you eventually find the one that is meant for you, I promise it's all going to be worth it.”

Remus blinks against the tears burning in his eyes. “I just can't imagine ever loving anyone else but Sirius,” he says hoarsely.

His father gives him a soft smile. “I know. But you will. Believe me. Sirius is your first love, but he won't be your last.”

Present

“Okay, okay,” his father says, immediately knowing what moment Remus is talking about. “I'll admit I haven't always been right!” Then he adds in a softer voice “You do know I'm very happy to be proven wrong, don't you?”

Remus meets his eyes in the mirror and smiles. “I know.”

His father smiles back. “Good. Your mother and I are both very fond of Sirius, and it's about time you made him an official part of the family!”

Remus turns around to his father with a grin, holding out his arm. “Does that mean you're ready to give me away?”

“Never,” his father replies instantly, but then his smile returns. “But for Sirius, I will try.”

#dramatic teen remus #lyall lupin is a good dad #wolfstar wedding #wolfstar #wolfstar microfic #wolfstar fanfiction #wolfstar fic #sirius black #remus lupin #remus x sirius

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flemingsfreckles · 15 days

Text

Drunk Dial Pt 2

PART ONE IS HERE

Warning: alcohol consumption, language, suggestive comments, mentions of sex

WC: 2.9k

A/N: I feel like yall are going to be mad at me for this part but angst and conflict are fun🤷‍♀️ as always if yall want a part 3 just let me know.

It had been a few weeks since your rather embarrassing evening. You had pretty much remained “no contact” with Jessie. Or at least that’s what you both claimed you were doing.

You had dropped off the clothes she had let you borrow two days after you had spent the night. You had washed them, put them into a bag and dropped the bag at her doorstep, sending her a text to let her know. What you had also done was put a bag of her favorite coffee beans along with a card into the same bag with her shirt and shorts.

You didn’t mean anything with the extra gift, it was simply a thank you, just as the card stated. Nothing more, no secret intention behind it, just a thank you for taking care of you. It was also an apology for even putting her in that position. This led to a text from Jessie thanking you for the beans and mentioning that there was no need for the extra gift. Which then led the two of you to discuss your current favorite coffee shops. You had a couple other innocent chats since but then after a few days your communication died off and you were back to silence.

It was a few weeks later when you found yourself crawling into bed after what was a nice first date with another girl you had been talking to, Haley. Thankfully, she didn’t ditch you as the other girl had and the two of you actually got dinner and drinks together. The two of you had gotten along well over text but once in person with the girl, she had been bland. It felt like the vibe the two of you shared over text had been swept away, the girl was plenty nice and sure she was pretty but in the back of your mind you kept telling yourself one thing. She wasn’t Jessie. You found yourself comparing her to Jessie, which you knew wasn’t fair to her. You had walked her home and politely declined when she offered to bring you upstairs. You weren’t one to spend the night right away, it had never been something you did, jumping into bed with a girl right away.

You adjusted the pillows before turning on the tv and flipping through channels until you landed on what you knew was happening but you had hoped to avoid. The NWSL championship game. Being played just a few minutes away from you, it had been impossible to avoid knowing it was happening. It was also impossible to avoid that the thorns were the talk of the town.

You couldn’t help but laugh, as you turned the game on being met immediately with your ex girlfriend’s face on the screen as she took a corner kick. You weren’t together anymore but suddenly the nerves of watching her play were back. You hardly watched her games anymore, you’d check the score lines usually but watching felt weird so you hardly did it. The game was nearing the final minutes, Portland leading 2-1. You watched until the final whistle blew and you watched Jessie take off at full speed toward her teammates in celebration and then you watched the screen turn black as you turned it off.

You regretted turning it on, you shouldn’t have watched. Now you sat debating if you should text her a quick congratulations. Your debate was short lived as you decided against it and instead rolled over trying to put yourself to bed.

You toss and turn for what feels like hours, unable to sleep. Letting out a sigh you roll over and grab your phone, it wouldn’t help to doom scroll, but it would cure your boredom. As if she knew you were bored and awake, you receive a text a few minutes after picking up your phone.

Jessie: Hey :)

You: Hi Jessie, congratulations by the way.

Jessie: How did you know

Jessie: Thank you :)

Jessie: What are

Jessie: u doing?

You shake your head at her texts, obvious signs she had been drinking and enjoying herself at the post game celebrations. Jessie wasn’t usually a texter anyway, when she did it usually had punctuation, she spelled everything out, she didn’t send smiley faces or emojis, she was pretty cut and dry over text. When she was drinking, she wasn’t.

You: Nothing, had a date tonight, trying to get to sleep.

It’s a minute later before you see Jessie’s face, her beautiful face and her hand holding the flower out to you on your screen as she calls you. You watch it ring for a moment before answering.

“Hello?” You say, immediately cringing at the loud sound on the other end. Voices, loud music, you imagined Jessie was out with her team celebrating.

“Hi!” Jessie shouts back at you. You can hear her giggle to herself. “Hi” she says again. “Did you watch me play?”

“Having a good time celebrating Jess?”

“Yes, but do you know what would make it better?” She pauses for half a second, not even letting you answer before she tells you. “If you were here.”

You let the line go silent for a moment, unsure of what exactly you should say to her. “Go hang out with your teammates Jess, go celebrate.”

“Please?” You hear her voice, less of a yell now, asking you politely.

“Please what?” You ask.

“Come celebrate, come meet me, I want you here.” She says in a voice you know you can’t resist.

When you walk in the bar you hear the same noises you heard in the background of your call with Jessie. You were already cursing yourself from pulling your body from the nice warm bed and instead out to the streets of Portland. You could’ve been in your sweats but instead were now in jeans and a Portland shirt, one you had bought before even knowing Jessie.

Loud music, loud conversation filled the humid air. You look around your eyes catching Sinclair across the room. She squints a look of confusion across her face before she excuses herself from her conversation and makes her way toward you.

“Hey.” Her voice resembles the confused look on her face.

“Hey Sinc.”

“I don’t mean to be rude but what are you doing here?”

“Jessie called me, begged me to come. I know she’s probably drunk, I just want to make sure she is okay. I’m not going to stay long.” You wave your hands as you explain, you knew you’d probably get questioned by a couple of people on why you were there but you didn’t care too much.

Sinc lets out a long sigh, bringing a hand to her forehead pinching her temple. “She’s been talking about you all night, I just didn’t think she’d call. I would’ve taken her phone.”

“I didn’t expect a call either.” You stick your hands in your pockets, gently rocking on to the heels of your feet before shifting to your toes. You were starting to feel uncomfortable. “I should just go. Sorry.” You turn to head back the way you had come in when you hear her voice. The voice calling, shouting your name over and over.

Turning back around you are suddenly face to face with the freckles you still adore. You watch as her eyes grow wide and she breaks into a dorky smile.

“You came?” Jessie’s face appears shocked, as if she wasn’t expecting you to be there after begging you on the phone to come meet her.

“I mean you called, you asked me to.” You shrug. You couldn’t tell her that the reason you came was because you were still truly, madly, and deeply in love with her. So you lied to her. “Plus you came to me the other week so, I owe you.” You tried to play it off as if you weren’t equally excited to have heard her beg you to come.

“Let’s dance!” She says before grabbing your hand and pulling you away from Sinc.

“Let me know if you need help.” She shouts after you as Jessie pulls you harder into the crowd of people.

You kept your distance on the dance floor at first. Only holding onto Jessie’s hand as she danced around you. Watching her make you smile seeing her so carefree. As she continued to dance she pulled you closer, her hand trailing to touch your forearm, then your shoulders. Before you knew it Jessie hand her arms looped around your neck as she swayed around, her front brushing up against yours every few moves.

“How was your date?” Jessie asks, a small smirk on her face.

“Really? You want to ask that?” You raised an eyebrow at her.

“Was she as good as me?” You watch as Jessie tried to hold back a smirk, as if she already knows that the date was bad. You roll your eyes at her overconfidence.

“Jessie.”

“I mean clearly not, you didn’t spend the night.”

“Shut up. You know I don’t do that on the first date anyway.” You gently push her shoulder, playfully before catching yourself realizing you were leaning towards being flirty, that wasn’t the reason you came here.

Jessie takes your playful contact as an invitation, pulling gently on your neck, her fingers threading slightly through your baby hairs, encouraging you to lean down to her. “How about you take me home instead?” She whispers into your ear. One of her hands finds your cheek, softly tilling your head away from her so her lips can graze your ear as she speaks.

“Jessie.” You say to her, almost as a warning.

“Please. I’m still so in love with you, and I know you still feel the same way about me, so take me home.” You pull back, your eyes wide as you listen to her confession. You can feel your heart starting to race, her words ring in your head as you stare back at her. She still loved you. The love of your life still loves you. She was still in love with you, despite saying the opposite the other day. She still loved you and somehow she knew you felt the same. You never told her you still loved her, at least that you know of.

“How did you, how do you know that?” You’re not even sure where to start with the information she just shared with you.

“You told me silly, when I picked you up at Marathon. You sat in my bathroom and told me how I ruined love for you, you told me how you don’t know how anyone will ever make you feel how I did. I feel the same, I’ve been wanting to tell you but I’ve been scared.” She has a slight slur to her speech which brings you back to reality. This wasn’t just Jessie professing her love for you, this was drunk Jessie, who wouldn’t remember this tomorrow, blabbering her feelings at you in her vulnerable state.

“Hey Jess, wait.” You push her back slightly, still trying to process the fact that you might have confessed your feelings to her weeks ago and she had just been withholding telling you.

“Take me home.” You watch as she sticks out her bottom lip, tilting her head so that she’s looking up at you, doing her best to get you to give in.

You know you shouldn’t. She was drunk, not in a clear mind. You shouldn’t give into her. You should ask one of her teammates to make sure she got home safe and you should leave. That’s what you should do. That’s the right thing to do, the angel on your shoulder.

But that’s not what you wanted to do. You wanted to take her home. You wanted to be the one to make sure she was safe, you wanted to care for her, to wash her face, make sure she brushed her teeth, you wanted to tuck her into bed, kiss her forehead and let her fall asleep. When she woke up and had sobered up, and could talk to you with a sober and clear head, you wanted to climb into bed next to her, you wanted to put your lips on hers. You wanted to make love to her, show her how much you had missed her, recommit every inch of her skin to memory. You wanted her back. You wanted her to be yours again.

“Jessie, you’re drunk.”

“But I want you, take me home baby, make me yours again.” Her voice is deep and yet soft in your ear, it causes you to shiver slightly. Hearing her call you baby again had your mind drifting back to when she’d call you that everyday, when you woke up, when you called her when she was away, when you’d pick her up to go to dinner, when she was moaning it in pleasure, back when you were her baby. Jessie lets her hand trail around the side of your neck before she begins to slide it down your chest.

“Jessie, no.” You grab her wrist, pulling it off of your body. You quickly look around, catching the eyes of Sinc. You quickly send her a pointed look, darting your eyes to Jessie. You’re grateful when she seems to get the hint and begins walking your way with Mackenzie.

“Hey Jess, let’s go over here, I’ve gotta show you something.” Sinc says, placing an arm across Jessie’s chest pulling her back from you. She doesn’t put up much of a fight in her happy go lucky state, following her fellow Canadian.

“You alright?” Mackenzie says once Jessie is out of earshot. “I didn’t know you two were back together.”

“Oh, we’re not. I don’t know what we are, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come. She drunk called me, it’s a long story. It’s just, she helped me out a few weeks ago so I wanted to do the same but, uh, she was trying to get me to take her home, and not just to sleep.” You watch as Mackenzie raises her eyebrows understanding your implication.

“Not that I would do anything, she’s drunk, but I don’t want her regretting even just letting me bring her home to sleep. She’s not in the right mind to make that choice. I don’t want to put her in that situation. I don’t want her getting the wrong idea. All I want is her to feel comfortable when she wakes up. I just want her safe.” You ramble on to the goalkeeper who nods kindly at you

“We’ll take her home with us, we have a guest room, my girlfriend hasn’t been drinking.“ Mackenzie says, gesturing to the woman standing next to her. “We’ll make sure she’s safe.”

“Thank you.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Arnold smiles at you. “You’re just looking out for her. There’s no need to be sorry for that.”

“I just didn’t realize how drunk she was when she called me or how many more drinks she had since I’ve been here. I just don’t feel comfortable putting her in a weird spot with me. I think she was saying and telling me stuff she wouldn’t if she was sober. I don’t want her to be embarrassed or regret anything.”

“Don’t feel guilty about what you did, you made the right choice. Let me get your number, I’ll let you know she’s home safely.” You and Mackenzie quickly exchange phone numbers and you thank her one last time before heading for the door.

As you slumped into your car seat you let your forehead come to rest on the top of your steering wheel. You didn’t know how to feel, split between sadness, anger, and a tiny bit of longing.

You were mad Jessie didn’t tell you what you had confessed in her bathroom weeks ago. Had she done so maybe the two of you would have talked, maybe you would’ve worked things out, you wouldn’t be playing this silly game of missing her and trying to move on simultaneously, and that made you sad. You were mad at her for calling and begging you to come, mad at her for trying to get you to take her to bed. Feeling of anger was also at yourself and your own stupid decisions. You could have ignored her texts, ignored her pleas over the phone to come see her, you could have, but you didn’t.

You looked over into your passenger seat, your phone and wallet sprawled there. You grabbed your phone unlocking it and opening your messages. You saw Jessie’s name, looking at it for a second too long before you clicked just below hers.

You: Hey, I know it’s late, any chance that invite still stands?

You: You’re still on my mind.

Maybe that was a lie, maybe she wasn’t on your mind, but Jessie certainly was and you wanted something else to distract you.

Haley: Of course, give me a call when you’re outside.

You punched in the address that you had dropped her off at just a few hours ago before throwing your car in drive and heading her way.

#jessie fleming #jflem #jessie fleming x reader #jessie fleming imagine #woso x reader #woso imagine #jessie fleming blurb #canwnt x reader

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edges-of-night · 1 month

Note

Hii! <3

I wanted to request imagines for reader taking care of the lotr characters (preferably all, but if that’s too much then at least the women and maybe Aragorn and Faramir too) when they’re sick/injured for whatever reason

(I love your imagines so much, the way you characterize them all is so perfectly amazing💜)

Thank you for your kind words! I did all of my usual characters because I love hurt/comfort and sick!fic scenarios that much haha! I hope you will enjoy your post ♡

Have a great weekend everybody!

CW: injuries and illnesses, mention of blood

･ﾟ✧ Aragorn.

While Aragorn’s heroic sacrifice didn’t cost him his life, it took a heavy toll on him. Lucky for him, you’ve spoken often enough about medicinal herbs and healing practices – you are able to take great care of him, bedded on his white linens. Even when he is still too weak to speak, Aragorn will hold your gentle hand.

･ﾟ✧ Arwen.

You return so often to Arwen’s bedside that you wonder if it would be easier to just stay – but you know that privacy and rest are just as important as her wish to hold your hand. Whenever you’re with her, you tend to her wounds or read her passages from her favourite book to make her smile, which Arwen appreciates immensely. As she rests, she plans on properly kissing you as soon as she’s healthy.

･ﾟ✧ Boromir.

Boromir hates that a common cold has him chained to the bed for over a week now. But he’d lie if he said he didn’t enjoy you taking care of him – even though you do tease him and his constantly red nose from time to time. It’s all in good fun though, and he cannot wait to hold and kiss you again!

･ﾟ✧ Elrond.

When Lord Elrond returned to Rivendell injured, your heart skipped a beat – he is the most skilled Elvish healer around – who else could treat the gaping, magical wound in his side? The honour is bestowed on you, and you master it despite your nervous mind. Nothing is greater encouragement than finally seeing Elrond’s summer eyes greet you again ♡

･ﾟ✧ Éomer.

The Rohirrim have all kinds of names for the strange fever that has befallen their dear Éomer – but no methods of healing. They consider it an impossible challenge for you to tame his feverish, sweaty body and nonsense mumblings. But, somehow, the horse lord calms whenever you reach his bedside, sighing when you change the wet cloths on his forehead and rest your hand on his chest.

･ﾟ✧ Éowyn.

Initially, Éowyn thinks nothing of the cut she got during sword lessons. But days of ignoring the wound on her hand could put her in grave danger, you know that – and thus offer to take a look and do what you can. At first, Éowyn protests, but she falls silent as soon as you turn her hand in yours, unaware of how soft her expression grows… She admires your medical knowledge, too! “Is there at all something you cannot do, you marvellous creature?”

･ﾟ✧ Faramir.

It takes days for Faramir to wake up. Many others believe him doomed and have given up on sitting by his side, trying new herbs and waters, only to see his crystal blue eyes open once more. But you have the matter-of-factly patience of a boat pushing its way through a deadly ocean. And indeed, on a moonlit night, Faramir’s gentle gaze awaits when you return to his side, whispering, “Thank you for believing in me, my love.”

･ﾟ✧ Frodo.

Sometimes you wonder if you are the only person to have consideration for both the physical and the mental wounds Frodo has endured. You always make sure he’s fine and support him when thoughts of the big scar on his chest sends him to dark places inside his mind. You both know that those wounds take much more time to heal than the cut itself, and Frodo is more than glad to have you by his side. To soothe him, you caress the scar.

･ﾟ✧ Galadriel.

Ever since a mysterious malady has befallen Lady Galadriel, Lothlórien is in turmoil. No one would even let you near her – until she ordered her guards away, to allow you to treat her with your medical and arcane knowledge. In fact, you become the only one she wishes to see in her elegant rooms at all. Despite her current weakness, her ethereal beauty and soft smiles make it hard for you to concentrate…

･ﾟ✧ Gandalf.

Out of breath, you hurry to Gandalf’s beside with that one legendary flower needed to cure him. He insists you be the one to prepare the potion, too. Day and night, you try to perfect his medicine, always worried his state might get worse. When Gandalf finally drinks your potion, the wound on his chest closes magically. But it’s nothing to Gandalf, who has trusted you entirely: “I never doubted you for a moment, my dear.”

･ﾟ✧ Gimli.

After Gimli’s accident in the mine, you were right by his side to ensure his head injury wouldn’t get much worse. His headache is hurting badly though, and your proud Dwarf is but a shadow of himself. He knows rest would be best for him, but it’s hard for him to stay away from work and banquets alike. Still, he appreciates that you pamper him with his favourite baked goods and healing kisses on his head ♡

･ﾟ✧ Haldir.

Haldir is not an easy patient, but that doesn’t stop you from treating his catastrophic shoulder, which he has ignored for days on his way through the woods of Lórien. Spread onto linen sheets beneath you, he grunts and cringes – as much as his half-dead stone face can, that is – under both your touch and your harsh words. But deep down, he knows you were simply worried – and honestly, he doesn’t quite know how to deal with that!

･ﾟ✧ Legolas.

It seemed inevitable that Legolas would someday break a leg because of his acrobatic archery skills, and yet you are surprised. Elves heal quickly, but Legolas suffers greatly under his involuntary immobility. You help him by recounting his favourite quest stories and eventually by supporting his first tentative steps outside, which he thanks you for with the stormiest embraces ♡

･ﾟ✧ Merry.

Merry thinks he can walk of anything – even an injured knee. He doesn’t want you to think of him as weak or unable to take care of himself. But even Merry can only play down a limp for so long. Truth be told, he is actually relieved that he no longer has to hide the pain, and that you spreading balm on his knee is no ordeal but in fact a very sweet gesture.

･ﾟ✧ Pippin.

Pippin has been sneezing and stumbling for days, eventually falling into bed with the biggest groan you have ever heard come out of him. He is a “suffering” patient and you know it. But while Pippin greatly enjoys you pampering him with food, tea and blankets, he secretly cannot wait to take care of you in return – no matter if you’re sick or not! “It’s you’re not actually sick, or else I couldn’ave kissed you!”

･ﾟ✧ Sam.

Gardening involves many dangers, and although Sam has been practising it since childhood, he eventually hurts himself on his gardening knife. The cut is deep and won’t stop bleeding, but you are quick to bandage it and remind him to change the fabric once a day. But Sam has trouble keeping his thoughts straight, when all he can think about is you holding his hand in yours, all close…

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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 4 months

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Winter's King 24

No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as noncon/dubcon, cheating, violence, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: You are a maid to the Duke of Debray, a lord of the Summer Kingdom. That is, until the king of Winter appears with his particular air of coldness. (Medieval AU)

Characters: Geralt of Rivia

Note: hey hey.

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Please do not just put ‘more’. I will block you.

I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖

Before you get too far, Bryce appears from the shadows. You don't know if he was listening or if he's only stumbled on you but it hardly matters. He offers only a sullen look, too meek to mention the tension that stands between you. He left you first to King Geralt, then Lord Vesemir; he's more their ally than your own. But what can a maid expect?

"I am to return to the queen's service," you state matter-of-fact.

"So I've been informed," he says grimly. "Perhaps you might quell her restlessness."

You stop along the corridor as your surroundings grow familiar. You’re halt and sway as the soldier scuffs to a stop a few steps ahead of you. He turns to face you as you unclasp the cloak from around your shoulders. You drag it away from your form.

“Sir, will you hold this for me,” you fold it over your arm and offer it to him, “I shouldn’t require it during my work.”

He looks at it and takes it with a frown. He pets the soft fur around the neck as you catch a peek of the wolf’s badge sewn into the lining. You lift your head and look past him.

“I will make sure it is not lost,” he promises.

Your dread mounts with each step. You’re weighed down by the last day and all that’s come to light. You cannot shake the shackles newly clasped around your wrists and the links only draw tighter and tighter. For now, the danger has calmed but it will not dissipate entirely. There is only doom ahead, even if now, it remains obscure.

You will have no safety, not even in the familiar; not even in your duty. How can you keep on in serving when you are at the same deceiving?

Jazlene, once Lady, now Queen, has rarely been easy to calm. You've come to expect her virulent behaviour, never once forsaking her the habits inherited from her mother. Now, you fear her fiery emotions and what wrath she may rain upon you should your betrayal be discovered. It almost seems wiser to confess and be done with it all, yet your fear restrains your guilt.

As you come upon the queen's chamber doors, you give pause, as does the soldier at your side. You share a curious look between you. There are no guards at her door.

"Gods, I beg, do not tell me she has escaped once more," Bryce mutters.

You step ahead of him and go to the door. You turn your ear to it and lean in, dragging your palms along the wood. You ball your hand and rap upon it, certain you hear some sound from within. There is scuffling and the queen's trite voice. She is within.

You peer back over your shoulder at your escort as he squints. The door opens from within and you spin back. It's that orange-haired guard; Gilles. It’s odd and the noise that escapes Bryce’s throat says as much.

“Queen having another tantrum?” The soldier behind you scoffs.

“Eh, she is your queen too,” Gilles accuses, “it is treason to mock your liege.”

“Mocking? No, merely the truth,” Bryce chirps, “let the maid in. She’ll do better work of serving our admirable queen, eh? Tend to her lady needs with a softer hand.”

Gilles grabs your arm and shoves you through the door, “do not worry her--”

“Eh!” You feel another tug and you’re turned back as Bryce tears the guard away from you, “unhand her. She is but a maid. If you need feel big, you might go squash insects in the stables, yea?”

“Be wary of crossing me, king’s pet,” Gilles pushes away the other soldier, “I do not fear any old man, no matter his name.”

“Young twerp like you, I’ve known many,” Bryce stands unflinching, “my name comes from tossing fools like you in the dirt. Don’t think the years have taken that much.”

“The maid is a maid, as you say. She hardly needs a guard herself,” the carrot-headed man rebukes.

“And you hardly need the witness, eh,” the soldier sneers and chortles, “heed your own warning, man, you dance in a pit of snakes.”

“I am the snake,” Gilles makes himself as big as he can but pales against the taller soldier.

Bryce pokes his tongue in his cheek and smirks. He doesn’t reply, instead looking past the younger man, “maid, attend your duty and I’ll attend my own.”

“Sir Bryce,” you utter tremulously.

“Don’t worry for me,” he assures as his gaze returns to the man before him. “I’ve sworn never to draw steel against a man of the crown, and I shan’t, so long as the man in question does not offer doubt to that title. We are allies,” he slaps Gilles’ arm, his other hand on his pommel, “aren’t we, loyal guard?”

Gilles’ gauntlet flinches towards his own sword but does not finish its path. He raises his chin and backs up against the wall.

“In the name of the king and the queen,” the guard proclaims.

Bryce’s eyes linger on the man and he shoos you with a flick of his fingers, “go on, maid. You needn’t worry for the matters of men.”

You quickly flit inside, your heart fraught and your veins flooding with ice. That look in the soldier’s eyes worries you. He is a man of war and the mere scent of conflict seems to enliven him. Certainly, you know, if the guard gives the merest of reasons, there will be blood.

Jazlene is within, abed beneath layers of fur. She lays with a hand against her forehead in a constant state of dismay. The door closes behind you and she sighs.

“I called for a bath ages ago!” She decries, “if I must be imprisoned in this horrid place, I will at least be warm!”

The mention of a bath disarms you. You waver on your feet before you can reclaim your wits. You ignore the memories stirring in the base of your skull. The king’s heat creeps up your back as the sensation of his touch tickles in your sides. You could sob for the way your chest rents.

“Your highness, I will fetch the water,” you acquiesce in a brittle voice.

“Oh, and where have you been?” She bawls, “here I am, with child and miserable and cold, and you are off, a maid, without a care? Abandoning her queen, as my very husband does the same?”

You lower your chin at the mention of the king, “my apologies, I was bid to... other duties.”

The lie is like poison in your mouth. You could gag at your own deceit. You keep your head low. You wish she would rise and pinch or lash or kick you.

“All I wanted was wine,” she babbles at the canopy as she throws her hands up, “and company. He will not allow my own father to see me. He chased him out like some stray dog. The only family I have close and he keeps us apart. I want to play cards and I have no one to win against.” She thumps her fists down on the mattress and kicks her foot, “how can a queen have no power?”

She sits up, her eyes fiery as her curls puff out wildly from her head. Her eyes are sparkling from her tears and pretty features twisted. The blankets fall away from her torso. She mops her face with the sleeves of her gown; they are wrinkled and her bodice is crooked.

“And that Lord Ves... whoever he is, he is a nasty old troll,” she blusters, “I hate him. I hate them all, these winter pests. These animals. Beasts!” She snarls, “how can they live like this? I swear, when we reach the king’s castle, this will not go on. I must have my court. I am a queen and I should be crowned!”

She sneers and shakes her head, closing her eyes as she presses her long fingers to her nose, “why are you just standing there?” She hisses. “I want a bath!”

She pushes the blankets off of her and like a storm, she blows out of bed and towards you. You flinch but do not shield herself. She grabs your shoulders and shakes you. She shoves you away from her and you stagger.

“I will fetch the wat--”

You cannot finish your words as she strikes you across the cheek. You taste blood. The punishment you longed for is not so freeing as you expect. The sear across your face cannot assuage the flames of your guilt.

“Go before I knock your teeth from your stupid head,” she snarls.

You retreat and pull the door inward, letting yourself out. Gilles remains and does not look or comment at you. You rush away, your mouth pooling with blood. You swallow it down as you get to the kitchens, a pair of servants in gray working in the light of the stove.

“Water,” you murmur as you rub your jaw, “please, can I have a pot to boil?”

A woman, slender and silent, moves to fetch the large vessel. She hands it to you and you thank her. She clings to the other handle.

“You will need help,” she declares.

“Yes, thank you,” you flutter your lashes as the sting sticks in your skin.

You know her. She is the same who welcomed in the king’s party to the castle. She helps you carry the pot down a corridor. You feel cold creeping through the air and your teeth chatter. She doesn’t react to the chill and leads you out a door into the frigid outdoors. She stops at a cistern pump and angles the pot beneath it.

She takes a small mallet from next to the spout and beats the lever until it dips, ice falling away from it. She pumps without a word as you watch. You offer to take over but she shakes her head. You linger close by, feeling useless.

“Lift,” she orders as she stills the pump and you grab the handle as she takes the other. You carry the pot together back into the castle.

The act reminds you of another time. The night you and Merinda carried water to the king’s chamber in Debray. The woman across from you is a stranger and as cold as the winds. You raise the vessel over the flames and leave it to boil.

She turns to you and nods, “hard work serving strong men. Best us maids work as one.”

Her words are kind though her tone remains as hard as iron. Your cheeks tense and your lips tremble, “yes, thank you, miss.”

“Same as you,” she dismisses the title you give her, “let me know when it steams.”

You agree and turn to face the pot as it sits above a brazier. You are comforted in knowing that not all is changed in the Hinterlands. That camaraderie among servants has not frozen over like everything else.

As you carry up the first pot of steaming water, the servant offers a name. Ezme. You return your own before you reach the queen’s chamber. You make several trips up and down, between the boil, and fill the large tub nearly to the brim, adding a pot of cool water to mellow the heat.

Ezme leaves with the empty pot as you remain to attend the queen’s bath. As Gilles pulls the door shut, you notice how his eyes search past you. You turn and go to Jazlene as she tugs at her dress. You help unlace the piece of her gown, then her corset, and lift her shift over her head.

She lowers herself into the tub, her dark skin flawless and her figure still as sculpted and firm as ever. She must be early in her state as she has yet to show the effect of her condition. She reclines with her arms over the lip of the wooden tub.

“And what do you suppose the king is about?” She speaks with her eyes closed, frightening you as you stand quietly by the wall. “Hm? Why does he keep my people from me? Not only my father, but those other summer nobles who have accompanied us?”

You don’t speak or move. It’s best to act as if you aren’t there. She speaks to herself; for herself.

“First, he forbade my mother to come. Kept her from seeing me conceive her first grandchild,” she sneers, "and now he has banned my father from my chambers. All because he thought to provide me with a bottle of wine.”

She is back to that. The wine. She is childish in how she latches onto that one grievance and will not let it go.

“Because he would defend his daughter,” she snivels, “well, who else will keep me company as my husband remains errant? Oh, how bound he is to his kingliness. Oh, the hero he is. He has brought his wintry misery to the summer people and cursed us all to his wretched ways.”

You stare at the floor, scalded by the dangerous inference of her complaints. She treads close to those things even a queen should not voice. She might be unhappy but she cannot be so unwise. It is like the game with the dice; she does not think of the turns to come, only what she holds in the moment.

“He must plot against us. It’s what we all believe,” she sits up the water swishing around her.

You try not to react, especially as the king’s command returns to you. ‘...you will watch and you will listen...’

“He has baited us all into his lands, into his snare, and he means to close it on us. He must,” she puts her hands up as if what she says is only the truth. Without a doubt, she must be right, “he speaks of uniting us and yet he means to extinguish us. He will do away with the summer’s blood and invade our lands as he always meant to.” She scoffs and drags her fingertip over the water’s surface, “he gives to all the same empty vows he gave me...”

Silence, the sort where you can hear your own heart beating. You hold your breath. She needs to stop speaking. You want to stop hearing.

“We are not as foolish as he thinks. We will be ready,” she smirks and tilts her head, “and he would not hurt his own prince, would he?” She plunges her hand under the water and rubs her stomach. “Even he cannot deprive his people of their future.”

She hums and the water swishes around her as she lays back again. She snickers and sighs. You tuck your chin down and clutch your hands tightly. In this war of winter and summer, of king and queen, of husband and wife, you will surely be lost.

#geralt of rivia #dark geralt #dark!geralt #geralt of rivia x reader #fic #dark fic #dark!fic #series #au #medieval au #the witcher #winter's king

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stxrvel · 1 month

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the exile (1)

series summary. y/n knew that her whole life was outside the Palace, but it was hard to resist when the Crown Prince had been chasing her for as long as she could remember. doomed to an end where everything she loves has to be abandoned, y/n is forced to restart her life far from her mother, her village that saw her grow up and the man she loves. who would've thought that loving would come at such a high price…

pairing. prince!jungkook x f!reader

content. english is not my first lenguage! violence. royal themes. be-heading is still spoken of in this kingdom, nothing that will materialize. use of swords. someone is almost dying. a lot of anxiety.

a/n. ummm hello. i just wanted to leave this here. >:) hope you like it!! see you next time <3

series masterlist | bts masterlist | next

The fear you felt didn't allow you to raise your head. You could only watch the Queen's shoes, standing in front of you, her eyes carving your neck as if she wanted to break your body in two. Her cold and condescending words were echoing in your head, spinning around like an old spinning top that has no end. You knew this day might come someday, a voice in the back of your head was always reminding you that you were abusing borrowed time and that at some point the universe would put you where you deserved to be. Where you belonged.

There was no light at the end of the road. The beacon that guided you had lost its glow and you were wandering lost in the deep, cold ocean. You knew he could do nothing to help you. He hadn't even been allowed to come to the square. His punishment was going to be not being able to say goodbye, you knew this from the Queen's dry words, full of a forced rationality that spat from her mouth as the absolute truth. You didn't understand how anyone could be so cruel. How anyone could unleash tremendous fury against an act of kindness and innocence.

“Wangbi.”

A sob echoed through the crowd. The voice behind you caused you to shiver, the air rushing through your body aggravating your sensations to the point where you felt like you could freeze in the bright sunlight. You closed your eyes tightly, your hands clasped behind your back. She couldn't do that, what was she thinking?

“Wangbi,” she spoke again and your body almost moved forward out of instinct. The pressure you felt in your throat from holding back tears of helplessness was cutting off your breath, and you didn't know that the feeling of not being able to speak out of respect could be so suffocating. “Please, have mercy.”

You heard a struggle and a wail left your lips.

“Eommoni,” you raised your voice, lucky to be able to speak harshly and firmly. “Enough is enough. The Queen's will is greater than your wailing.”

Subtly, you averted your gaze from the queen's shoes and turned to observe your mother behind you. You saw first her eyes, filled with uncontainable tears unlike yours, an agonized expression adorning her face and you promptly felt that anguish, anger, guilt and reproach for not having been more careful as she told you. Then you saw the knights holding each of her arms, holding her in place as if she were a threat, as if she were capable of hurting the Queen for whatever incomprehensible reason.

“Don't make it worse,” you almost whispered, but the silence that dominated the square allowed your mother to understand and her face contracted in pain.

More sobs echoed in the square as you returned your gaze to the ground.

“No,” your mother cried, "Please have mercy on my daughter. I can't lose her- she's my only daughter!"

Many things were going through your head at the same time. The possibility that your mother would end up kneeling before the Queen like you was one of them. The mere thought caused you such a wave of panic that you could only pray that the Queen would have mercy on her. She was a mother too. Couldn't she think how that would make her feel if it were the other way around, and the crown prince was right where you were at that moment, and she was in the back screaming for her life and cornered as if she were a criminal just for wanting to save her son's life?

“I will pay for her mistakes, wangbi, take me instead. Please.”

The Queen's feet disappeared from your sight. The fear that began to run through your body made you shake your head unconsciously, fearful that your mother would be pushed to the center where you were. You looked up to see the Queen's face staring behind you, right where you knew your mother was struggling with the knights. Her face was empty, unable to hint at any thought through her expression. You knew the stories, you had heard some and witnessed others for yourself, and you knew she was not an accommodating, patient or even kind person.

The Queen was the most feared woman in the kingdom.

In that same square where you found yourself kneeling in the stinging sunlight, the same central place where the citizens' stalls were located, in the same place where they gathered every year to celebrate the Festival of Lights, the executions of more than 200 people had taken place in the last twenty years. There, where people gathered to shop, eat and celebrate, where children ran their dogs and peasants sold their potatoes, the Queen used it as an example of purgatory on earth. Every time an execution took place, it was a reminder that their lives did not belong to them, that nothing was really theirs, ours, but that the Palace held all the strength and fortitude to take whatever they wanted and whenever they wanted.

No one ever stood in this square without thinking that a stranger, a friend, a relative had been killed there. No one passed through the square without fearing that someday it might be their turn.

It was the constant reminder that we lived, not because freedom existed, but because the monarchs wished it so.

You had done so. You had passed the square enough times avoiding the right side of the left side of the square that was just in front of the palace down the mountain. That piece of the square was untouchable. All citizens avoided it like the plague. Some children told that, if you stepped beyond the invisible line, that line that was marked on the square because of the platform on which the Queen would put her guillotine or gallows, and which over time had become a floor space with a much lighter color than the rest of the floor of the square, you would be condemned and the Queen would end your life the next day. It was a cursed space.

And, at that moment, your knees were millimeters away from crossing the line between the filth of the square and the neatness of death.

The platform had not yet been set up. Knowing the Queen and understanding the background of your case, you knew she sought to give you a public humiliation. At least something that wouldn't allow her to remember you with respect, not even with compassion.

You followed her movements with your gaze until she stopped, not far from where you were. She raised her hand as a symbol of silence, and you knew your mother was making a great effort not to rant in front of her.

Your gaze was wary. You tried to catch any movement trying to decipher what the Queen was thinking as she looked at your mother. You wanted to understand what was going through her head so you could prepare yourself and know if you were going to have to offer up your already doomed life again to keep your mother from suffering the same wretched future.

“Is she your only daughter?”

“Yes,” your mother replied instantly, her voice riddled with hope only because the Queen had addressed her. It pained you to think that by that she thought she had earned it, that she had managed to save you from misfortune.

“And being your only daughter, couldn't you have educated her better to keep her filthy hands off what doesn't belong to her?” The Queen spat, her voice rising after each angrily spat word.

You watched your mother hold her breath and give you a look. You saw a flash of fury pass in front of her eyes and you shuddered at the possibility that she dared to defy you. You frowned at her, your head subtly shaking in refusal.

“I raised her as best I could, your majesty. My daughter is not a thief and not a bad person either.”

“The evidence showed otherwise,” the Queen countered with a raised head, almost daring your mother to speak further. “You yourself saw what they found inside your house, and you still have the gall to look me in the eye and beg for mercy?”

You held your breath for a few seconds. You knew the tone of voice the Queen had used, as well as all the people in the square. The only way the citizens had learned to understand, halfway, the Queen, was through her voice. Normally she doesn't say much, when she speaks it is in the calmest and most neutral tone possible. But now she was enraged. Angry. The way she raised her voice wasn't something you heard very often, but when you heard it it seemed like everyone around her ran away or hid as best they could.

That voice… It was the call of death.

“Wangbi, please,” your mother implored again. You watched her lower her head. Her legs lost the stability of her body which bent downward until the knights had to release her, and finally she knelt before the Queen. “I will pay the punishment. I will take her place.”

You turned to look at the Queen. And you could barely notice a glimmer of her expression, a gleam of satisfaction at seeing your mother beg for your life's salvation. It was disgusting. Repulsive. The shadow of a smile vanished almost instantly, and the unwavering expression of neutrality returned. Still, you could glimpse the anger on her face, and you knew she wasn't trying to hide it.

The Queen had her reasons for being angry. You knew it. Your mother knew it. The Queen was not wrong. Surely the decision was disproportionate, but acting out of insurmountable fear did not allow her to give way to more logical and just thinking.

Death was your punishment for the sin of loving.

And there could be no argument about it.

The Queen's dry laughter drew all eyes.

“I gave you a chance to stay in your home, and yet here you are, pleading for an indelible doom.”

The angry sound of your mother's voice sent chills down your spine:

“What kind of a mother would I be if I tried to let my daughter at the feet of her own death?”

The Queen embodied an eyebrow, you saw her shake her head from your place. The fingers of her hands intertwined in front of her body subtly moved the rings she wore that day, never taking her intense gaze from your mother's figure.

“It's the least he could do knowing what your daughter had done. What kind of parent would come for their child like a proud one when her actions shame their family?”

“What kind of parent would abandon his child?”

Your mother's cry was followed by silence.

The Queen took a step back, her face contracting in indignation. You closed your eyes tightly for a moment and inhaled trying to calm your heart, beating indiscriminately fast at the fear invading your mind.

It scared you even more that there was really nothing you could do. If you tried to get up, the knight to your left wasn't going to hesitate to swing his sword and slit your throat. If your mother got any closer to the Queen, there was going to be nothing left of her. You couldn't move, she couldn't move. If you kept it up, neither of you would ever leave the square.

The only thing you could do was to pray for a…

“Eommoni!”

… miracle.

You opened your eyes with a start. Your head frantically moved from side to side trying to search for the source of that voice, of his voice. Suddenly you felt that you really couldn't hold back the tears, that you couldn't be that strong, that you just didn't have the strength to make up your mind that this day must be the last day of your life. No. You couldn't. Not when he was there. Not when, surely, he had done everything he could to get there. Not when he had fought to reach you.

But…

What could you do to stop him?

“Eommoni!”

The angry exclamation filled the silence of the square again, and the people who had crowded around to watch began to murmur. That clearly did not go unnoticed by the Queen, who was looking at all the people in the square with narrowed eyes. You knew she knew they were going to start talking, asking questions.

The citizens looked at the Queen, looked at you, and then looked at the path the Crown Prince was coming down. You knew that the Queen knew it was only a matter of time before they put two and two together and came to a conclusion that would not please the monarch and the reputation of the Palace. You knew that her plan had fallen apart and was slipping through her fingers like water. She tried to hide it, but her eyes glittered uneasily.

“Juwon,” the Queen exclaimed turning to look at the knight on your left.

The man did not hesitate for a second to set off in the direction in which the Crown Prince was coming, taking after him other knights who had arrived that morning with the Queen.

And then, the Queen's gaze focused on you.

She began to take long strides towards where you stood and you felt so helpless and uneasy thinking that you could only stay kneeling looking at her, even if she planned to take your life herself with her own hands.

“Wangbi!” your mother cried out again.

The Queen barely gave her a glance, but with almost no time to reach you her path ended as she heard several swords being drawn at the same time.

She paused, looking around, and you inhaled sharply before looking back. It was as if the world had begun to go in slow motion.

Your mother had escaped from the knights guarding her and had moved closer to the Queen, much closer than she should have, and the men behind her had moved in to swing their swords and hold her in place. She wasn't hurt. She looked frightened, her eyes moving between your body and the halted figure of the Queen.

You let the air out.

“Jungkook,” the Queen hissed.

Then you saw it.

Behind the Queen, a few feet away, with more than five swords wielded in his direction, stood the Crown Prince. His own sword glinted in the sunlight raised against the knights. His face was bathed in fury, his brow furrowed and you could barely notice his tense jaw. He watched the Queen as if she were the only person in this square, and the Queen watched him back as if he were a gnat in her soup.

“Go to the Palace,” the Queen verbalized, her words empty of any emotion without taking her eyes off her son.

“Let them go first,” the Prince tried to bargain, but at this the Queen let out a wry laugh.

“What position do you think you have to try to question my decisions?”

The Prince, contrary to being intimidated at the look and tone of voice in which his mother addressed those words to him, smiled cynically at her.

“At the moment I think I have a very good position.”

His words generated more hubbub among the people who were already murmuring, and the Queen did not lose sight of that.

Nor did she fail to notice how the Prince gave you a fleeting glance before raising his sword again without really caring about the others that were pointed at him. You knew he was a bit oblivious, but at that moment he was playing with fire.

Jeon Jungkook was the eldest son and only male of the four children the Queen had had, therefore he was the heir to the throne. He usually used that as a bribe to his parents when he wanted to do something, threatening that, if they didn't let him do something, he would give up the throne to his uncle, with whom his parents were not very familiar. Most of the time he got his way, but at the time you feared that his mother would rather he resign, or they would get rid of him, than let him get away with it.

That threat did not escape the Prince's eyes and the Queen was aware of it.

“Jeon Jungkook, I command you to return to the Palace this very instant,” the Queen bellowed, her arm moving to point back the way she came.

Her words sounded more uncontrolled, anger seeping from every pore of her body.

“I will, as long as you come back that way with me,” her son shot back.

You noticed the Queen's clasped hands on either side of his body.

“This is not the time to argue about this.”

“Ah, now is not a good time? I agree with that. The time to discuss this was last night, when you locked me in the dungeon without even addressing me or giving me an explanation.”

“You have no say in this, Jungkook, you're not above me.”

The Prince's gaze drifted slightly after hearing his mother's words. You barely noticed how the hubbub of voices quieted down.

“Maybe I'm not,” he agreed serenely and you frowned at that.

“That's enough.”

Silence settled over the square.

The King was here.

“Wangbi,” he turned his gaze to his wife, who watched him with a flash of anger in her eyes. She knew what was coming and she didn't like it, “Why don't you escort your son back to the Palace? I see you have things to talk about."”

“Wang-”

“Now,” the King cut off the Queen's attempt at reasoning. “I will finish this trial.”

Stupefied, you watched her move without looking back. Her body passed right by her son, not venturing a glance at you, but her son was more focused on anything other than that.

His eyes inspected your figure, still kneeling on the ground. You felt the wails make their way down your throat, and you had to muster all your power to keep from becoming an uncontrollable mass of weeping in front of all the people watching them.

You weren't afraid when he finally had to turn around to leave, because you knew that if it wasn't safe for you he would be at your side in a couple of seconds.

Then, you were intrigued to know what the King would say.

“Inhabitants of Sapphire,” the King began, moving until he was almost in front of you, “I'm afraid there won't be any executions to watch today.”

At this, surprised exclamations were not long in coming, including yours.

“Nevertheless, knowing the Queen's reasons for calling this trial, there must be punishment for the one responsible for the crimes committed.”

Amidst the hubbub, you could hear your mother crying, but you were unable to turn to see her. Knowing that there really was a possibility other than the one that summoned you to this place, you remained static in your place for fear of spoiling everything.

“Y/N L/N,” the King spoke, your head moving to stare at him at the harshness in his voice, your body anxious with your heart on the verge of bursting. “As King of these lands, sovereign of their goods and wealth, final executioner of every crime committed against the crown, I declare today before the people and the square that saw the birth of our nation, that you will be condemned to exile with no chance of appeal.”

Your body leaned forward as you let out the air you were holding back. The mixture of the voices of the people behind you with all the thoughts that were going through your head was overwhelming you so much that you couldn't even understand what was happening.

Had… had the King forgiven you?

The look in Jungkook's eyes before he left suddenly made more sense. If what he said was true, then you couldn't really get an idea of how he was able to escape from the Palace dungeons and convince his father to save you from certain death. You moved your eyes to watch the monarch. The King was the unpredictable one of all those who made up the royal family. In this case, in your case, you had previously been certain that the execution had been a two-party decision.

Apparently, you were wrong.

“Let this decree endure in force until the day of my death.”

The King's gaze met yours. His face empty of emotion, like his wife's.

But you couldn't help the confused expression that adorned your face at his words. It was not against the law what he had ruled, the crimes of which you were accused could've different penalties depending on the harm that had been caused against the crown; however, it had been decades, almost centuries, since a King had decreed the end of a punishment with his death.

With his gaze on yours, he continued, “You have until midnight to leave the city. There will be knights at your house, in the carriage and the exit of the city watching to see that all goes neatly.”

His gaze refocused on the crowd in front of him.

“This trial is over.”

And without further ado, he turns on his heels in the direction of the palace.

#bts x reader #bts fanfic #jungkook fanfic #jungkook angst #bts jungkook #jungkook #jungkook x reader #jungkook x you #bts fluff #bts angst

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