#shawn mendes reader request

[yournameoneverypage]

Falling Forward

Shawn Mendes x Reader. Angst, fluff.

Word Count: ~2.6k

A/N: It may be an “anon”, but I know who requested this. (She’s one of my besties.) 😉 I hope you like it, bub, especially since you requested it so long ago! I’m sorry it took me way too effing long to get it written. 😕 Call it a very belated birthday gift. 😋

So, I didn’t follow the prompt exactly. Well, I did, but I distorted the perception a bit? (That's probably not the best description, but I think you'll see what I mean.) I tried with the angst, I really did, but I feel like my angst is never really all that angsty.

~ ❤️ ~

You were sitting at your desk, rubbing your eyes, when you sensed you were no longer alone. You might’ve been startled by how he’d snuck up on you if you hadn’t smelled his cologne. You could find him in the dark just by his scent alone. It was maddening, because you hated how much you loved it.

Sure enough, you swiveled your chair to see Shawn standing in the doorway of your room, leaning against the frame.

“What are you doing here?” you said in greeting, trying to keep your tone indifferent. Your voice often tried to betray you in his presence; it was a genuine struggle.

He shrugged the shoulder not leaning against the door. “I came to see if you wanted to hang out for a bit.”

“Maya isn’t here.”

You thought maybe you simply imagined the... hurt that flitted through his honey brown eyes before he said, “Yeah, I caught her on her way out. Who do you think let me in?”

///

Maya was your best friend, who Shawn had had a thing for ever since you’d met him nearly six months earlier through a mutual friend who you had no idea had any clout whatsoever. You suppose, that was the point. Jaiden wasn’t the type of guy to just throw facts around like, ‘yeah, Shawn Mendes is a friend of mine’. You had to earn his trust before he let you completely into his inner circle.

Apparently you had finally managed to do so the night you found yourselves all at the same bar and being introduced to the beautiful, bright-eyed, pink-cheeked, affable popstar.

Maya and Shawn instantly connected. You were happy for her, of course, but you had liked him for a while, had been a fan of his longer than she had, and well before you had ever met him. You had to remind yourself that she was your best friend and “dibs” was for children.

You did your best to shake off your disappointment, while Shawn tried his hardest to dispel your sometimes debilitating shyness.

There was one moment, one brief, shining moment, just as you were truly starting to relax in his presence and open up, when you thought maybe, just maybe, the tiny spark you had thought you felt flare between the two of you might be realized, but then Maya made a slightly suggestive comment and snatched away his attention.

Even though you knew she hadn't purposely done so, - Maya was an outrageous flirt, - it left you cold and on the verge of tears. As you willed away the wetness of your eyes, and forced yourself to smile, you felt a wall around your heart begin to build and fortify.

You said your goodbyes shortly thereafter, but not before Shawn asked for Maya’s number. You excused yourself for the ladies' room, not wanting to witness the very possibility of anything more between them.

///

You never felt excluded from conversations whenever you found yourselves spending time with Shawn, and quickly settled into the banter that flowed freely between you, but you did feel like you sat stuck slightly along the circumference of Shawn and Maya's little flirtation bubble. You could only take so much before you made your excuses to leave them to their privacy.

You wondered how much longer it would be before they hooked up. You were surprised it hadn't happened already. You didn't know how you were going to handle it once they did. You would have to make yourself scarce when they began dating, and find other places to crash before he started staying over. You wouldn’t begrudge Maya for having a sex life with Shawn, but you knew it would kill you if you had to see the proof of it standing in his underwear in your kitchen afterwards.

Your heart tightened in your chest and you forced those thoughts away.

You almost questioned why he had chosen to stay then to entertain you, but you didn't want to see that look again. It made your skin itch uncomfortably.

It wasn’t as if you hadn’t hung out alone together before, but the texting was easier. You texted all the time about things from mundane to thought-provoking. You loved it when it was just the two of you, even though you held that close to your chest, but simultaneously you hated it because, in these instances, all the stronger, more-than-friends feelings you had for him tried even harder to surface. It was easier for you to talk to him when there was distance and a screen between you.

If only you were selfish and could just take what you so desperately wanted.

If only you were brave enough.

How would he react if you did, and what would that do to both your friendships, with him and especially Maya? It wasn't worth the risk.

“You could’ve called first?” you suggested, falling into your usual bantering to try to alleviate your sudden discomfiture, spinning back toward your laptop.

“Do I ever call?” he chuckled.

Touché. Your apartment was near his favorite coffee shop. As soon as he learned that, he started coming by all the time.

“You should just give me a key at this point,” he smirked. “Besides, I knew you’d be home,” he said, pushing off the frame and crossing your room.

“Because my life is oh, so boring?”

“Because I know you have a deadline for Monday and would be working through the weekend.” He set a to-go cup beside you.

You sighed and tilted your head back to look up at him. “Thank you.” You brought the cup to your lips and took a tentative sip. Of course, it was your favorite.

Shawn placed his large hands on your shoulders and gave a gentle squeeze. Your stomach flipped. From the rush of caffeine, obviously, not his touch. “All that caffeine probably isn’t good on an empty stomach. When was the last time you ate anything?” He raised an eyebrow when you took too long to answer. “Mhm,” he smirked. “That’s what I thought. Take a break, sweetheart. I’ll make you something to eat.”

Your heart skipped whenever he called you ‘sweetheart', which was both too often and not nearly enough. Your heart was a traitor, too.

When Shawn was gone, you sighed and tried to refocus on your work. It was futile now that the man you were in love with was only two rooms away. It was getting more difficult with every passing day to bury your feelings.

You felt a flare of anxiety, nearly overwhelming in its intensity. This was not the time to fall apart. You didn't have the luxury this afternoon of leaving him with Maya and fleeing. You couldn't let him see your vulnerabilities or he wouldn't stop till he pulled everything out of you that you were trying to hide from him.

Breathe. Just breathe…

Thankfully, upon his return, you had calmed yourself down and the attack had retreated. You pretended to be engrossed in your assignment but if Shawn had paid any attention to your laptop screen, he'd easily see you hadn't made a stitch of progress since he disappeared to the kitchen.

“What happened to ‘take a break’?”

You held your hands up in surrender. “Fine.”

He snapped your laptop shut, - he didn't have to ask if you saved your work as he knew you were a little OCD about that, - and set a bowl of noodles and two chocolate chip cookies before you. He knew you better than he should as someone else’s soon-to-be boyfriend. Your comfort foods, where you carried your stress, how much you loved anything chocolate.

You reached for the cookies.

"Noodles first," he playfully reprimanded.

You scowled. He just smirked and threw himself across your bed, languorously stretching his long frame out. Damn it. Now your bed was going to smell like him.

Shawn snagged your journal from its current place on your nightstand. It was your own fault, really, for leaving it out, in plain sight. “What's this?”

“Nothing.” You made to snatch it out of his hands, but then you thought, why bother? You never wrote his name in your journal, or the name of the friend who he belonged to. He would never know the staggering crush you had was on him.

Even though your face burned hot, you didn't stop him from cracking it open, - you think you secretly wanted to see if he'd figure it out, - and busied yourself by inhaling your noodles even though they were still a little too hot.

"'There must be a reason why the greatest love stories never have a happy ending.' Well, that’s bleak."

"We can't all be optimists."

Shawn rolled his eyes and chuckled. "Says the biggest optimist I know."

He had you there. You were normally a wide-eyed and hopeful, glass-half-full kind of person.

“'Never trust a man whose smile steals the breath right out of your lungs.'" Without reading the actual entry that followed, he flipped to another page. "'What’s worse than knowing you want something, besides knowing you can never have it?'"

Most of your entries began with a sentence or quote that reflected your mindset on that particular day.

His eyes stayed locked on your neat scrawl, his thumb and index finger poised to turn another page, as he cleared his throat and asked, "Who's the guy? Do I know him?" He finally looked up at your silence.

Your answer was to lower your eyes, shrug noncommittally, and stuff one of the cookies into your mouth.

You wondered which passage it was that caused Shawn to abruptly close the small, leather book and mutter, "You should've told me not to read it."

"I shouldn't have to. Are you happy now? Curiosity quelled?" You immediately regretted your words and tone. You had been trying for sarcasm but it came out too harsh. You were normally quick to apologize, but you were suddenly equal parts frustrated, terrified, and annoyed.

"Look," you cleared your throat and took a deep breath to steady your voice. "I should really focus on getting this assignment done." You can't be here anymore. I'm not strong enough. Not today. "Thanks for the coffee, and- and noodles, and cookies. I should be able to push through now, so…"

"Yeah, okay." Shawn stood and began to leave. He paused in the doorway. "You don't ever have to thank me for taking care of you. As someone who…"

You felt the wall around your heart fissure and you held your breath, balancing between hope and heartbreak.

But instead of completing his thought, he only sighed. "Don't work too hard." And then he was gone.

///

Shawn met Maya at the café beside the coffee shop.

She knew it hadn't gone well with the way he stalked toward the corner she'd settled into. She raised an eyebrow. “Well?”

Shawn just growled and tugged the curls that had found themselves twisted in his hand. "She's definitely into someone; it's just not me," he sighed wistfully, squeezing into the booth that was too small for his 6'3" frame. He dropped his head into his palms and rubbed his eyes. "Her journal is one long, unrequited love letter."

"You read her journal??"

"In my defense, I didn’t know it was her journal. At first.”

"You read her journal."

"I know, I know. But she didn't stop me! I just- I thought maybe, maybe, I'd see my name in there.”

"Boys are so dumb," Maya huffed, sliding out of the booth and tossing a twenty onto its surface. "Girls too, for that matter."

"Where are you going?"

"To put an end to this. I'm tired of waiting for you two to get your shit together."

"What?"

"It's you, stupid."

"What is?"

"The boy she's writing about."

///

Your door was still open. "Give it over," Maya demanded upon entering your room.

"Give what over?"

She glowered at you.

"He told you. Of course he told you. No. Just go. Just… leave me alone."

"Like hell. Give it."

"Does my privacy not mean anything to anyone??" But still you retrieved your journal.

"You let Shawn read it, but I'm your best friend."

You tossed it on your bed toward Maya, who quickly snatched it up and began to page through it. “Ha! I fucking love being right! Bub, why didn’t you tell me??"

Your eyes began to water. Maya took your hand and pulled you toward your bed. She settled herself cross-legged in the middle of it, facing you as you assumed the same position.

"Why didn't you tell me you’re in love with Shawn?” Maya asked softly.

You nearly collapsed with the relief of not having to hold it in anymore, of not having to pretend. Finally, the tears spilled over. "I'm sorry."

"Why?" She reached for you to swipe them away. "What is there to be sorry for?"

"What do you mean 'why'?? You two are…" You completed your thought with a gesture.

Maya immediately connected all the dots. Every single one of them. "Oh, honey…" She then laughed. "You are so oblivious, babe."

"Gee, thanks."

"He's not into me. He's into you."

"No, no, no, no, no," you chanted, rising from your bed and beginning to pace around your room. Your entire world had abruptly flipped upside down and you were grasping for a way to right things again, because this was just… too much. If your unrequited love wasn’t as unrequited as you thought… "But you two flirt all the time."

"I flirt with everyone, hon, which you're well aware of. So does he. It's just fun for us; it doesn't mean anything." A realization suddenly dawned on her. "Shit. I'm so sorry, bub. I never considered how it must've looked to you… You must hate me."

"Of course not," you exhaled. *It's just- I always thought- when he started coming around I thought, he's just being nice. Get in good with the best friend, you know?"

"You're right in your assumption, but he doesn't hang with you because of me, he hangs with me because of you. It always frustrates him when you disappear on us. You've really done a number on his confidence, hon, and his heart... He's crazy about you, and he thinks you're desperately into someone else. You should probably correct that, hm?"

///

Shawn stood in your doorway, hands shoved deep into his pockets. "Hi."

You were as far away from the door as you could get, twisting the rings on your fingers. "Hi."

“Permission to enter?”

You nodded.

He took a few tentative steps forward and closed the door behind him. With the audible click, your heart quickened. He paused beside your dresser and picked up your small, metal infinity cube. He changed its shape before setting it back in its place and clearing his throat.

“Maya said you had something to tell me.”

“I’m sorry about how I spoke to you earlier.” That’s not what you knew she’d meant and what he was expecting to hear, but you weren’t ready to acknowledge anything else in that moment.

“I’m sorry, too. I should’ve stopped reading your journal the second I realized that’s what it was.”

How had you found yourself standing before him? Had he moved, or had you?

“You didn’t stop me. Why?”

“Shawn…”

“Say it.”

“I- I think maybe you know why?” you muttered, blush growing darker, and lowered your eyes.

His chin started to tilt toward you. His lips parted.

“What are you doing?” you whispered.

"It's not obvious?" he hummed, touching the tip of his nose to yours.

You were fighting between stepping back or falling forward. “Shawn…”

“Just tell me that it’s me.” His lips brushed yours, testing. They were soft, softer than you could have imagined.

“It’s you,” you breathed, rising to your tiptoes and winding your hands in his hair, as you’d wanted to do since the first time you met, and you brought his mouth back to yours.

~ * ~

@chocochipcookie305 @mendesblurb @monikamendes @mendesficsxbombay @silverswallow @misti-ka @fallinallinshawn @hiding-behind-a-flower @benito-mi-vida

[rebelelegance]

Alright people. I'm in a Valentine's Day mood. If anyone has any requests, please, please, send 'em in. Here's how you do it:

Choose a character :

The list can be found here

Choose:

Fluff

Angst/Fluff (I can't bring myself to write pure angst yet)

Platonic or daughter/sister!reader

Send in a dialogue, or a scenario you'd like me to write about

That's basically it!

[milliesfishes]

Hi! I simply ADORE your writing and idk if you’re taking requests right now but I’d love an accidental pregnancy with Billy story (maybe even with some enemies to lovers vibes)!

౨ৎ꣑ৎStaying౨ৎ꣑ৎ

[fem reader] contains: angst, pregnancy, bullet wound pairing: billy the kid x fem reader author’s note: sorry this took forever! here's your poll winner I hope you like it hehe. thank you @phantomamor for reading through it for me mwah Pinterest Board Spotify Playlist

His hair was a mess. Curly and free of his hat for once, dancing over the plane of his forehead. You could count every freckle on his cheek if you wanted to, easier than counting stars. His breathing was soft, escaping his slightly parted lips in brief little puffs. He was sunk into the mattress next to you, arm slung around your side, fingers splayed over your back. You hadn't bothered to redress and neither had he.

It must have been nearly an hour since you woke up, his heartbeat stuttering in your ears. Even when you'd shifted, he hadn't woken. It'd likely been a long time since he'd slept in a decent bed, so used to collapsing and shutting his eyes whenever he could. Although he'd been here renting this room for nearly a week, there wasn't any way he was used to it yet. Or maybe he was just relaxed. You'd slept better than expected too.

Blinking, you shook yourself out of your daze, suddenly realizing where you were. Billy Bonney's bed. Billy the Kid's bed. And he was sprawled out as if it were nothing, palm warming your side, maybe leaving a handprint with how long it'd been resting there.

Sitting up, you watched his hand drop from your waist to your thigh. He still didn't stir. Letting the sheet fall away, you stiffened upon seeing the patches of red that marked his trail of kisses down your body, the result of his stubble rubbing at your skin. It'd been deliciously satisfying at the time, but now the leftover sting only heightened your shame.

Reaching down and rubbing at the most prominent marks on each inner thigh, you squeezed your eyes shut. Your innocence had been surrendered to a man whose face was splashed all over the West with a reward over his hat. The same hat you'd knocked off his head so you could tangle your hand in his hair. It'd been softer than you remembered.

Your brother James' childhood friendship with him as well as your brief romance felt like decades ago. It ended when he'd skipped town without so much as a letter. Needless to say, it'd been a shock to see him leaning on the bar last night, sipping his drink and grinning at something another man said. And when your eyes caught his, there was nearly a string of fire stretched in the distance between you. Everything unspoken pushed you together again, until there was no separation.

He'd been so smooth last night. Gentle, touch like a butterfly as he unwrapped you from your dress and whispered things that set your heart aflame. Though there were new shadows behind his eyes, this was the same Billy who'd told you he loved you all those years ago. You knew him, but obviously you hadn't known him.

He'd filled out in the time he'd been away. Your Billy Antrim had been broad and manly, but this Billy was somehow broad-er. Pressed against you now, it was easier to tell. He wasn't at all a kid, contrary to the name he'd earned from the law. It'd been freeing to be with him. You'd felt alive. This was something you'd done for yourself, no watchful eye of a protective brother standing above you like a lighthouse.

Maybe a piece of your heart had always been with him. It was so easy to fall back into your old patterns, conversation flowing like water, his touch familiar and safe. When he'd kissed you, it was like you'd found the X on a map you didn't know you were following. Was it worth all the heartbreak you'd nursed for so long?

Billy's hand twitched on your thigh, squeezing lightly, and you decided it was.

Lying back down, you pressed your cheek to his chest, settling your hand over his heart and letting yourself relax. Subconsciously, Billy's arm tightened around you, and you felt your eyes growing heavier. In all the time you'd imagined being in love, you never thought you'd feel comfortable sleeping next to someone. Apparently, your imagination had steered you wrong. It felt so safe here, like his arms could ward off any darkness that crossed your path. Except of course, for the night, when he would make love to you and hold you until you both succumbed to your dreams.

As you drifted off again, cozy and sleepy, you could finally place the feeling that'd been knocking at your back.

Home. He made you feel like you were home.

Shielding your eyes from the sun, you peered out into the distance from the porch. James was supposed to be back by now with everything you'd sent him into town for. Normally you would've gone yourself, but today he'd insisted.

Not bothering to argue, you'd distracted yourself with chores, hoping it'd fill more hours than it had. The house was spotless now, the animals fed, dinner on the fire. The only thing missing was your brother.

Maybe he'd been held up in town. You wouldn't be surprised. There wasn't a soul your brother couldn't make friends with, and he put it to the test wherever he went. Leaning on the railing, you sighed, closing your eyes and trying to ignore the growling in your stomach. You were supposed to eat regularly, and your brother was aware of that. Ordinarily you'd go ahead and serve yourself up a portion, but one of the missing ingredients happened to be on the list you'd sent him out with.

It'd been a tense few months. There'd been troubles with the ranch hands, as well as a mysterious outbreak among the horses that only allowed one person to leave at a time. Not that you minded. It wasn't like you'd want to go to town anyways, for fear of who you'd see.

The ranch was distant enough to give you some peace. And you were able to avoid prying eyes, or whatever gossip could circulate. Now more than ever, you were wary of it. Ever since that night with Billy, truthfully. Last time you'd graced the bounds of town, you'd been on edge, scanning for familiar blue eyes, or curls peeking out from under his hat. Mercifully, he was nowhere to be found.

Time had passed. Enough time to grow bitter. The feeling left a bad taste in your mouth, but you couldn't spit it out. It had grown, twisting around your bones and wrapping fingers across your throat. If James had noticed, he hadn't said anything, though he didn't have to. The way he'd handled you lately told you everything you needed to know.

You bent your head, feeling slightly faint with hunger. Hair falling in front of your eyes, you stared down at the skirt of your loose-fitting dress. Sorting through what you had in the cabinets, you wondered if you could make do without what you'd been waiting on. As soon as you began to entertain the notion, it was dismissed. You'd been craving this soup all day, even in the warm of the dying summer. August was full of endings, and you felt as though you were hurrying along its departure by making something you usually reserved for winter.

Hoofbeats. Lifting your head, you perked up as you saw a horse in the distance, heading for you fast. Now you could make out James' familiar outline, of his hat and the dark grey shirt he'd left the house wearing this morning. Folding your arms and leaning back, you were ready to give him a hunger-induced earful for being late.

Squinting as he got closer, you could see the other rider behind him. From where they'd appeared on the horizon, you hadn't been able to make out the second horse, the other person tagging along. Smoothing your hair, you pushed aside any twinges of annoyance that came with James' apparent impromptu dinner invitation. You'd made enough food, surely, but you hadn't been expecting a visitor.

Your brother and his guest stopped, tying their horses and chatting all the while, the other man saying something that made your brother erupt in deep laughter as he hoisted his full bag from his horse. You stood up straight, thankful he'd at least followed the list.

Bounding up the stairs, James greeted you with a kiss to your cheek, holding your elbow with his free hand for a second. "You okay?" When you nodded, he squeezed, nodding briefly. "Got everything you asked for. And I brought Billy 'round for dinner."

Billy-?

You whipped to see the man standing at the bottom of the porch steps, hat in his hand as he looked up at you with those blue eyes that hadn't ever failed to put stars in yours. A tightness erupted in your chest, and you felt your expression drop. For a moment you were frozen, just staring at him.

Now memories from that night were stealing your vision. Waking up alone after falling back asleep, the spot next to you cold and empty. In fact, the room had been emptied of any remnant of him. The few possessions that had been strewn across the dresser had disappeared, along with his clothes, his boots, and his gun. When you looked out the window where the horses were tied up, his hadn't been among them. The only evidence he'd been there were the marks he'd left on your body and the indent in the other pillow.

He'd left you. Again.

Of course you'd felt stupid. Just like in your early youth, you'd fallen for his charm and heartbreak ensued. You should have known he hadn't changed. While the first time you'd been sad over it, now you were angry. And the following months only added fuel to your fire.

The way he'd looked at you had pulled you in, a lifeline in your sea of content misery. You'd been so hopeful, so happy over him that you hadn't taken any of the risk in mind. You didn't know what he'd been up to in the time that had passed. Seeing him in the bar that night, you hadn't asked questions, hadn't brought up anything about him leaving. It'd been nostalgic, a trick of the light that had you falling into his bed. And now you were paying the price for it.

All of this circled you like vultures over a fresh carcass as you stood there looking at him. He didn't break your gaze.

"C'mon, you're hungry, I know it," James said, putting his hand on your back and guiding you inside. "'m sorry I took so long. Didn't know Billy was back in town."

"Who would've guessed?" you asked, side-eyeing Billy as you allowed your brother to lead you in.

When you reached for his bag to dig out the soup's missing ingredient, James swatted your hand away. "You go sit. I know you've been on your feet too long today."

Billy looked at you curiously as you sat down, tucking your feet under the chair and chewing on your bottom lip. It felt embarrassing for your brother to be doing this right now, even though he had been for months. It was more that it was in front of Billy.

James started cutting the missing carrots, and you were left in silence with your unexpected guest as the sound of chopping filled the air. Billy shuffled where he stood, then decided to go into the kitchen. "I'll see if he needs any help." Only moments later he emerged, standing uncomfortably in front of the door.

You looked away, focusing on breathing in and out. Yet another thing you were supposed to do. Breathe and do it easy. It was okay. You'd been without him for months and you'd been fine. At least, that was what you had to tell yourself.

Billy sat across from you, and you could feel his eyes on you, though you didn't lift yours. Without looking, you knew his knee was bouncing, just a little. One of his nervous tics. "Didn't know James knew how to cook."

"He didn't until a few months ago." Your response was directed at the edge of the table, where your eyes followed the wooden pattern.

"How've you been?" he asked quietly, and you blinked.

It was a loaded answer. You didn't bother playing with telling him the truth. "Fine."

"James said you've been havin' a tough time," he muttered, and your eyes snapped up.

"What'd he say?" It came out harsher than you meant, and Billy's brow knit in confusion.

"Didn't say what about." Your shoulders slumped in relief, and he watched you suspiciously.

When you'd been his girl it'd been nearly startling how well he could read you. And the night you'd seen him again three months ago, it was evident how little that had changed. The way he'd been with your body against his, anticipating your needs, what you wanted him to do. He'd been perfect. It'd only made his leaving hurt more.

Opening his mouth, Billy began to ask you something but was interrupted by James bringing in the bowls of soup. You jumped up, but he shook his head. "Stay sitting. I'll get the other one." He kept leaving you alone with Billy. He didn't have a reason not to, but it still put you on edge. When your brother returned once more, some of the tension diffused, and you all lifted your spoons.

Dinner turned out well, even with the late addition of the carrots. James told a funny story about work that day and you finally cracked a smile, the burden on your heart lightening. When Billy answered James' question about what he'd been up to, you listened carefully, trying not to look like you were too interested.

"Had a bad run-in with a few folks from the last town I was in," he said, looking between you and James. The thumb of his hand on the table next to his empty bowl was tapping lightly, and you watched it. Up. Down. Up. Down. "Was actually here for a night a while ago but I had to skip again cause they found me."

You met his eyes, something chipping at the cast you'd put around your heart. That was why he'd left? Stiffening again, you looked down. He still could have said something. He'd had enough time to clear out his things, so he could have woken you or left a note or something. And then there was the matter of the first time he'd left too. A wound that hadn't healed, no matter how much you covered it and pretended it did.

James gave a low whistle. "You've had a real adventure. We're real glad to have you back, Billy."

"I shouldn't've ever left," he said, looking squarely at you. Heart thudding at your chest, you lowered your gaze.

Standing up, you fluffed your dress away from yourself, a habit. "I'm going to sit outside for a bit before bed."

James stood almost instantly, a hint of concern in his expression. "You feelin' okay? Need anything?"

"I'm fine," you promised, giving your dress another fluff. "I just want to watch the sunset." James accepted this, but you could feel Billy watching you leave.

Nearly collapsing on the front porch chair, you tried to focus on the sunset, counting the colors. This was an activity James had done with you one night when you were panicking, and it'd worked since. This was a different sort of panic, though. This was a disease eating at your insides, threatening to tear you in half.

You wouldn't deny you'd imagined seeing him again. Pictured what you'd say, what he'd say. But this was beyond what your mind could come up with. It was too soon. Too soon after everything. However much you'd thought you could handle had been an overestimation. No amount of time could have prepared you for his arrival here, in the one place you had left as refuge.

Red, blue, pink, orange. You made a list in your head. Clouds, grass, hills, trees. Maybe if you closed your eyes, everything would disappear. Every wrong sorrowful tragic aspect of your life gone in the blink of an eye.

How you wished these emotions had faded with time. If anything, the sand from the hourglass had coarsened them, created jagged shards of glass that cut you on the inside. At least nobody could see you bleeding.

When you heard boots on the floor, you stood, avoiding Billy's eyes as you watched the sun sink deeper into the earth. His scent hadn't changed- it was something distinct and all him. It permeated the air, nearly suffocating you.

"I'm sorry." He said it softly. You didn't bother looking. "I know me showin' up like this upset you-"

"I don't care what you do, Billy." Your tone was colder than you meant it to be, and beneath the shell you put around the woman you used to be, she winced.

"Sweetheart-" he paused when you winced. "I did a bad thing, I know. I hurt you-"

"You hurt me before," you whispered, looking up at him blankly. "I don't care."

Billy's face didn't change. You wished he would stop looking at you like that, like he'd stumbled on treasure in the desert. His mouth was flattened, like a ridge. Where tension had dissolved before, now it was stretched taut, ready to snap. Biting the side of your cheek, you fought the tears that threatened to make an appearance, but it was like trying to hold a bursting closet door shut.

When his hand found your face, you closed your eyes, humiliated as a tear slipped through the cracks, your facade crumbling. His course thumb caught it, and you lifted your lids, eyes hardening.

"Talk to me," he breathed, searching your eyes. You froze as two more tears slipped from your eyes and cascaded down your cheeks. The truth was at the tip of your tongue, but you kept your mouth shut. If he knew, it could ruin everything.

"I'm fine," you managed, but he held firm, shaking his head. "Billy," you started, voice firm as it could be. "Just go. It doesn't matter."

"It does matter-"

"You left me!" Taking a step back, you stared up at him, no longer caring if you cried. "You left me twice without ever saying a word and this time you left me-" Stopping short, your eyes widened slightly as you realized what you'd almost said.

"What?" Billy closed the gap between you, searching your eyes and grasping your shoulders, his touch causing you to stiffen. You hated that you wanted it, wanted him to pull you into his arms and tell you everything was okay. "I know somethin' happened, what-?"

You sniffled, smoothing a nervous hand over your midsection without thinking. His gaze dropped, and he froze. As soon as you realized what you'd done, you tried to step away but he held you firm, eyes never straying.

"You're-" Billy swallowed, growing pale at the notion. "Sweetheart, you're-"

Now your vision was blurry, hot tears springing and falling without your permission. You folded your arms over yourself, feeling your hands start to shake. Billy's hands flew to your cheeks, tilting your face up so you were looking at him, into those deep blue eyes that had gotten you into this mess to begin with. In the softest voice you could imagine, he asked, "Is it mine?" Sniffling once, you nodded. Billy exhaled, one hand sliding to your crown and pulling you into his chest. You didn't fight him.

Being back in his arms was a daydream you'd let yourself indulge in only a few times. But no amount of imagining compared to the real thing. He engulfed you, pulling you in like you'd been lost at sea,

Sinking into him, you could feel yourself breaking. This is what you had craved ever since you'd found out, the itch only he could scratch. When he pressed a kiss to the top of your head, you closed your eyes. "I needed you."

"I know." His voice was unsteady, nearly breaking as he tightened his arms around you. "I know. I'm so sorry, sweetheart." You hid your face in his chest and he smoothed your hair, voice sounding frantic. "I shouldn't've left..."

"I needed you," you repeated desperately, and you swore you felt a tear fall into your hair.

"'m sorry." The emotion in his voice had you grasping at his shirt, trembling as he lowered you both to the ground. He started to rock back and forth, rubbing a hand up and down your back. "I left you alone, I left you-" he cut himself off, burying his face in your hair. Tentatively, you lifted a hand, sinking into his dark curls. The familiarity prompted another tear or two out of you.

When you noticed it'd grown dark, you pulled yourself away, wiping your eyes and risking a look at him. He was solemn, eyes roving over you. It was a look you recognized. Checking, making sure everything was okay. You brushed away another tear, whispering, "It's okay."

"It's not." Billy reached for your hand, eyes soft.

"I've been fine without you, Billy," you snapped, pulling away before his fingers could brush yours. "You don't have to do anything for me."

"I'm not just gonna leave-"

"You had no problem doing it before," you cut him off, reaching up and gripping the porch railing to get to your feet. The sting of humiliation was already coursing through you, and your instinct was to run. "Just go. I'm fine."

Without another look, you strode into the house, making a beeline for your room and shutting the door. Not one set of footsteps, Billy's or your brother's, dared follow you.

Lifting a hand to your face, you slid against the door, body shaking again with tears.

"Outta the way!"

You nearly dropped the plate in your hands, watching your brother stumble into the room with a limp, staggering Billy supported by his shoulder. Blood soaked the blue of his shirt, and your heart gave a pang. Feeling faint, you watched in a daze as he propped him up on the kitchen table, speaking lowly. James looked up, silently shooing you from the room. Turning on your heel, you fled and shut the door behind you, heart pounding in your ears.

Billy's presence on the ranch had been nearly constant since he found out that night, acting as a shadow toward you. Your brother, ever kindhearted, had hired him on, insisting he give work to his oldest friend. You'd protested but stopped once he started to question why it bothered you so much. Catching yourself, you realized James was bound to find out sooner or later. If you kept arguing, it would be sooner.

To Billy's credit, he kept his mouth shut about the paternity of your child. But that didn't mean he kept to himself. It seemed that every second he had away from work he spent at your side, pestering and fussing over you, constantly asking if you were okay, if you needed anything and maybe you should sit down because he didn't want you to get too tired. It was overbearing, and you fought him at every turn.

"Darlin'-" he'd protest, trying to guide you to a chair. "You gotta rest, alright? For you 'n the baby. Please?" Sometimes you would sit down begrudgingly, his pleading blue eyes persuading you into his way. Others, you would push away his hands, some sharp-tongued comment leaving your mouth as you stormed away to be anywhere but near him. Your emotions were running wild, a something you attributed to the new life growing inside you. Although, the circumstances surrounding the arrival of the baby's father couldn't have helped.

Still, he persisted. It was impressive, really. The way he kept at it, never once giving up. Whenever you burst out and told him to leave you alone, he just stood there, letting you take it out on him. It always ended in tears.

You cried more now than you ever had before, in private most often. Really, your head was all muddled from everything happening all at once. Billy was trying to flow seamlessly back into your life, but you wouldn't let him. He didn't deserve to get back in so easily this time.

But now as you paced the length of the living room, anxiety squeezing your heart and hammering at your ribs, the only thing in your heart was regret. A fierce sickness that clouded your senses and brought tears to your eyes. What if he died? What if the father of your child died and you could have forgiven him and you didn't? He'd hurt you, there was no doubt about it. But he cared. He'd proved it a million times since he found out, putting down roots just in case you decided you wanted him.

Here, as you shuddered and shook over the idea of losing him, you knew it was more than that.

"Hey-" At the sound of your brother's voice, your head snapped up. James looked harried, clenching his jaw as he ran a hand over his hair. "He's askin' for you. I can't do anything 'nless he sits still-"

"I'm coming." Your feet were moving before you knew it, and you stepped past James into the kitchen, heading straight for Billy.

The moment he saw you, he reached out, motions almost drunken. "Baby..." he slurred, catching your hand. "So...so pretty. Prettiest girl in the west..."

"Billy what happened?" you asked, squeezing his hand, brow scrunched. You were trying to ignore the blood on his shirt, the red growing deeper by the second. James was fetching something in the other room, bandages most likely.

"Shoot...shootout, darlin'..." he managed, grinning up at you and wincing when he shifted. The pain must be making him woozy. "Don' worry 'bout me..."

"Why were you in a shootout?" you asked, horrified. Holding his hand close to your heart, you whispered, "You weren't on the ranch."

"Tryna make a lil' extra, honey." Billy reached out with his other hand, cupping your face. "F' the baby. 'n you." He pulled your fingers down to his lips. "Wanna marry you, pretty. Do it right..." Wincing, he tried to continue. "Didn't do right by ya the first time...wanna make it better..."

James interrupted, arriving with a messy pile of medical supplies in his arms. "Give him some laudanum." He shoved the bottle and a spoon into your hands, not seeming to notice the look on your face leftover from what Billy said. Almost stiffened by shock, you measured the amount and fed it to him, praying it would kick in sooner rather than later.

"Good. Help me get his shirt off." James nodded at Billy. In your condition, your brother wouldn't dare have you help with something like this unless it were dire.

With shaky hands, you got to work, ignoring the way Billy was blatantly watching you, as if you were a saint in a storm. You didn't grimace when his blood stained your hands, peeling the shirt away from his chest and working his arm out one side while James did the other. He tossed it to the side, tearing his eyes away from Billy. "You're gonna talk to 'im okay? Distract him cause I dunno when the medicine'll kick in."

"Okay," you whispered, still staring into Billy's eyes. They were clouded over, his head lulling. When James started to dab at the affected area, Billy gritted his teeth, grunting and reaching for your hand on his uninjured side.

You remembered your job, squeezing his hand. "I..." Panic was seizing you, holding your tongue. James gave you a look, and you were kicked into action. "It's okay. You're gonna be okay. We're gonna get you fixed up, alright?" Tears pricked at your eyes. "Billy, you've gotta hang on, alright? I...we need you. Both of us." You weren't talking about you and James.

Billy's eyes went soft, and he held fast to your hand, looking up at you like a puppy. You wouldn't be surprised if he melted off the table, a snowdrift in the sun. James was hard at work, and you avoided looking. You never wanted to see this much of Billy's blood again.

A thousand questions poked at your tongue, things you wanted to ask your brother, ask the father of your child, but you held back. Later you'd interrogate them all you wanted, but for now Billy's safety was at stake.

"Need to sit him up," James finally said, sliding his arm under Billy's shoulders. "Here- get on the table and keep 'im steady." You scooted up, feeling numb as you went through the motions. Billy looked dazed, but he was still as you tucked your shoulder under his arm, back against his side. His fingers splayed out, seemingly searching for something, and you gave him your hand.

James wrapped the bandage around Billy's middle, and you shifted your body as needed, still pressed to him. It was precautionary; he wasn't nearly out of it enough that he'd have trouble staying upright. But you found yourself wanting to stay, your mind telling you that if you left for even a second, he'd collapse and never wake up.

"Alright." James stood up, nudging his chair back. "He's gonna be fine. Was just a graze, so we'll check it every little bit."

Your eyes were on the ground, Billy's hand in yours the only thing you were aware of. The pounding of your heart slowed when it was confirmed that he would be okay, but you still wanted to cry. You almost lost him today, with every unsaid thing still poking at your backs.

James managed to guide him out of the kitchen, depositing him in his own bedroom for now. You trailed in behind them, unable to tear your eyes away from Billy, shirtless and bandaged, his eyes fluttering shut as the lingering opium in his system lured sleep to him. He's safe. He's safe, you repeated to yourself. He's safe.

Turning to James, you hissed, "What the hell were you doing that ended in a gunfight?"

Swallowing, your brother shifted on his feet. "Was a job. We've done 'em before 'n everything was fine but this time..." he winced. "'nother gang showed up and they wouldn't back off. We're lucky he wasn't hurt worse."

You stood shocked, eyes wide. "A job-"

"Before you say anythin'-" James held up his hands. "Billy was stubborn 'bout it. He wanted...well..." His eyes fell to your midsection, which became more swollen by the day. "He's been lookin' for ways to make more money for you 'n..."

Your heart sank. He knew. Turning to look at the man sleeping on the bed, you felt another wave of emotion crash over you.

"He cares a lot about you," James said quietly. "He woulda done it without my help, but it's a good thing he didn't."

Silent, you fought back tears, regret welling up like a river after the first snowfall. All this time while you'd been pushing him away and insisting you didn't need him, he'd been working for you. For your future, and for the baby. You knew all too well that any other man would have run for the hills and left you with "your" problem, but not Billy.

You'd been taking him for granted. And it had almost killed him.

Looking back at your brother, you whispered, "I can watch him for awhile. You go clean up. You can use my room if you need some rest." The sun was still high in the sky, but James looked exhausted. He merely nodded, meandering away after a final glance at Billy.

James' footsteps thumped away, and you sank into a chair close to Billy, watching the rise and fall of his chest like his life depended on it.

Sliding a hand over your belly, you found yourself trying not to cry again. For months you'd had yourself convinced that you didn't need him, that you could do this on your own. Have the baby and do the best you could, all the while nursing an ache that you refused to admit was there.

A tear bubbled up, spilling from your eye, and you sniffled, looking down and swiping at it. It proved to be pointless when more sprouted, flowing down your cheeks faster than you could get rid of them. You took in a sharp breath, letting your hand drop to your lap as you cried silently, the tightness in your chest nearly suffocating.

You nearly jumped when you felt a hand on your knee, palm warm as it rested there. When you looked up at Billy, his eyes were open, brow scrunched in concern. You tried to clear your tears with your hand again, but he squeezed your thigh.

"Sweetheart..." his voice was sleepy. "What's wrong?"

"Go back to sleep, Billy," you tried, blinking rapidly, sniffling and setting your other hand on his. "You need to rest."

"Been tellin' you the same thing for weeks," he mumbled, shifting to the side and lifting his hand from your leg, effectively opening his arm. "C'mere." When you only stared at him, the corners of his lips turned up just slightly. "'s okay. We both need it."

All resolve gone, you found yourself obliging, crawling into bed with him on his uninjured side and letting him guide your head to his shoulder, body relaxing once it was against his. As you settled into him, his hand found its way around your waist, the tips of his fingers on your swollen tummy. It felt like a missing piece of you sliding into place.

"I'm sorry." The words fell out of your mouth, and Billy hummed, rubbing your side.

You couldn't see his face, but you knew the furrow in his brows hadn't unfolded. "What for?"

Everything. There were a million things you wanted to say, but they all fell short when you lifted your head to look up at him. Earnest blue eyes, hitched to you like you were the one thing keeping him from floating into the stars. Swallowing, you whispered, "You got hurt...because of me..."

"No." Billy's hand pressed at your side until you laid back down. "No, that wasn't your fault. Was a stupid thing to do."

"You were doing it for me..." you whispered, more tears blurring your vision. "And I haven't been kind to you since you came back."

"Hey-" Billy grunted as he sat up a little, bringing you with him. Leaning against the headboard, his fingers drew a soothing vertical pattern at your waist. He searched your eyes, shaking his head. "I shouldn't've left. It's the worst thing I ever did. Leavin' you alone after what we did..." he exhaled deeply, mouth flattened. "It was bad enough I did it the first time."

"But you had a reason...'n I shouldn't have been so mad..." you whispered.

He thumbed the side of your face, eyes tender. "I thought I was protecting you." His shoulders slumped. "But all I did was hurt you."

"It's okay," you breathed, holding his wrist. There was no bitterness or loathing or grudges behind it. Everything that had happened was in the past. He was here now.

"It's not," Billy mumbled, but his expression lightened. You knew your anger at him must have taken a toll, and it must have been a relief not to have it burning him anymore. He brought his hand to the back of your head, stroking your hair with his thumb. "You know I've loved you all this time? Think there's somethin' wrong with me. Like I'm cursed. Bad things happen to the ones I love and it's usually my fault."

"No, bad things happen to everyone," you corrected, heart aching. Swallowing, you softly said, "I've loved you too. All the while."

Billy paused, his eyes softening. The way he watched your expression like he was making sure it wasn't a trick broke your heart all over again. He'd been hurting just as much as you, and you'd been too caught up to notice.

You leaned forward, catching his lips in a soft kiss, careful not to lean on his injured side. He used his hand at your crown to hold you to him, mouth moving slow and steady and easy, the feeling of his mouth against yours nearly convincing you he never left. You may as well have been eighteen again, fresh in love and invincible.

Pulling back, Billy brushed a kiss to your nose, than your forehead, and you closed your eyes. His hand found your tummy again, hold protective. "I love you. You and the baby."

"I love you," you whispered, meaning every syllable. Billy relaxed back into the bed, pulling you down with him and grinning when your belly poked him in the side. You nuzzled your head into his shoulder, eyes falling shut. "I've wanted you with me but I didn't know how to say it..."

"I wanted you too." Billy smoothed your hair, kissing your head. "I wanted to be here for you."

"You have been. Over and over," you promised, hand rubbing his chest. His skin was warm, and you felt sleepy just lying against it. "Over...and over..."

As you drifted off into dreamland, a part of you panicked, remembering the last time you'd fallen asleep next to him. A voice told you to keep your eyes open, to make sure he wouldn't run.

But when he pulled you in impossibly closer, laying another kiss to your head and sleepily mumbling that he loved you, the voice disappeared. You shifted comfortably, knowing when you woke up, he would still be here.

He would stay.

[ruewrote]

𝑏𝑒𝑡𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑛 ℎ𝑒 𝑐𝑎𝑛.

PAIRING: josh washington x fem!reader WARNINGS: jealousy, arguments, no use of y/n GENRE: angst, enemies to lovers SONG INSPIRATION: treat you better by shawn mendes WORD COUNT: 4.6k REQUESTED: yes

navigation | ask | josh washington masterlist

you weren’t exactly sure how you ended up in this mess. two guys, one you were trying to like and one you couldn’t help but like, bickering over the dumbest things. their voices faded into the background as you stared out the frost lined window, watching the snowfall in thick, silent sheets.

it was your favourite time of year, your annual invitation to the washington lodge. hannah and beth always made you feel like family, holding a special place for you in their hearts ever since you’d befriended them in school. the first time they brought you to their mountain retreat, you were floored.

you still remembered wandering through the massive house with wide eyes, marveling at how luxurious it was. you had an idea that they were rich when they asked you to come with them to a cabin lodge of all places, but damn.

there was an embarrassing amount of times where you’d gotten turned around in the sprawling halls, having to call them in embarrassment to come find you. they used to laugh so hard at your awe struck reaction.

years had passed since then, and you’d grown more comfortable with the place. it almost felt like a second home now, complete with a guest room they’d decorated just for you. “so it feels like yours,” they’d said, insisting it was only fair since you spent so much time there.

but this year was different. this year, you’d brought someone with you. derek.

when the invitation arrived, you’d asked if you could bring him along without much thought. it had been a few months, and things with him were going well enough– or at least well enough to keep your mind off the one person you shouldn’t be thinking about.

at first, you thought it was a good idea. but standing in the lodge’s grand entryway, you started to regret it.

hannah and beth greeted you like always, pulling you into tight hugs, their excitement infectious. then their eyes landed on derek, and everything about their demeanor shifted.

“oh my god,” she grins wide. “who’s this cutie?”

“don’t hold out on us!” hannah added, elbowing you playfully.

jessica and emily weren’t far behind, their expressions lighting up the second they noticed derek.

“wait, wait, hold up,” jessica said, flipping her hair over her shoulder as she gave you a sly smile. “who’s this, and why didn’t we know about him sooner?”

emily crossed her arms, raising a brow. “yeah, seriously. is he single? or…?”

you tried to keep it casual as you introduced him, brushing off their teasing with a wave of your hand. derek, of course, handled it smoothly, flashing them a disarming smile.

“nice to meet you all,” he said before turning to you. “i’ll take our bags upstairs while you catch up.”

then, as if on cue, he leaned down and pressed a kiss to your cheek.

the second he disappeared up the stairs, chaos erupted.

hannah and beth squealed, sam grabbed onto your arm while beth gave you a knowing look. “okay, spill. everything.”

“seriously, we need the deets,” jessica chimed in, smirking.

“or at least a timeline,” emily added, looking almost impressed.

before you could even get a word in, josh appeared, chris trailing behind him with his hands stuffed in his jacket pockets.

josh’s gaze darted toward the stairs, his brow furrowing as he pointed a thumb in the direction where derek had gone. “so.. care telling me who that was?”

chris leaned in slightly, adjusting his glasses. “yeah, do we know him, or…?”

josh’s eyes flicked to the stairs where derek had disappeared, his lips pressing into a thin line. 

"you already know who he is, josh! you’ve known about him for weeks," hannah groaned, exasperation clear in her voice.

beth stepped in quickly, her tone cheerful as she nudged josh’s arm. “please don’t start. he seems sweet. right, girls?”

they all nod enthusiastically. “totally. i mean, it’s about time you brought someone, and he’s cute. good job.” sam playfully nudges you.

“thanks,” you said, smiling at her, grateful for the distraction. but josh’s scoff pulled your attention right back to him.

“what?” you asked, folding your arms.

“nothing,” josh said, the word practically dripping with something. he leaned back against the wall, his hands shoved into his pockets. “i mean, i’m just saying it’s bold, bringing a guy you barely know to a place like this. kind of soon, don’t you think?”

jessica’s laugh chimed from behind you as she sauntered into the group, casually tossing her hair over her shoulder. “oh, come on, josh. if she brought him all the way up here, he can’t be that bad,” she said, smiling. 

josh’s jaw tightened, but he forced a smile. “oh, sure.”

you sighed, exasperated. “josh, seriously? what’s your deal?”

“my deal?” he echoed, his voice louder now, as if he couldn’t believe what you’d asked. “i don’t have a deal. just making observations.”

“uh huh,” emily said as she strolled over, crossing her arms with a teasing grin. she glanced at josh, her tone light but pointed. “let me guess, derek doesn’t quite measure up to whatever impossible standards you’ve set, huh?”

josh’s smile was thin, his tone sharp. “i’m just looking out for her. isn’t that what friends do?”

you clenched your fists at your sides, willing yourself to stay calm. “you don’t even know him, josh.”

“and you do?” josh shot back.

the words stung more than they should have, and you had to take a steadying breath before responding. “you’re unbelievable.”

beth stepped between you, raising her hands. “okay, that’s enough. let’s not ruin the weekend before it’s even started.”

“yeah,” hannah agreed, looping her arm through yours and pulling you toward the kitchen. “hot cocoa, anyone? let’s leave the drama here, please.”

you glanced back as hannah steered you away, meeting josh's gaze for a fleeting moment. his eyes were locked on you, lingering with an unspoken weight, like he was on the verge of saying something but held back. the tension between you was thick, undeniable, and the worst part? 

you weren’t sure you wanted to look away.

the next few days were nothing short of a nightmare. every moment felt like walking on eggshells, with josh finding any excuse to nitpick derek. whether it was a sly comment during dinner or a backhanded compliment when everyone was relaxing, he didn’t hold back.

derek, to his credit, didn’t let it slide. he defended himself every time, the tension between them escalating with every exchange. what started as petty jabs turned into full on arguments, and you found yourself caught in the middle, exhausted and drained.

most nights ended with you retreating to your room, shutting the door behind you,  collapsing onto the bed in frustration. the dark, quiet space became your only refuge as you rubbed your temples and tried to breathe through the stress. this wasn’t what you wanted. this wasn’t how the trip was supposed to go.

the breaking point came on the second to last day. you had spent hours trying to convince yourself to push through, but the tension was unbearable. by the evening, you made up your mind, you were done.

derek had already packed earlier that afternoon, his patience worn thin by josh’s constant jabs. you followed suit, pulling your suitcase out and beginning to fold your clothes in stiff silence. the thought of leaving early filled you with guilt, but you couldn’t stay, not like this.

when the others found out, it was pure chaos.

“are you serious?” beth said, her voice a mix of disbelief and sadness. “you’re leaving already?”

“just one more night,” hannah begged, clutching your arm. “please. it’s not the same without you.”

emily, practical but no less emotional, sighed as she crossed her arms. “i get it, but… don’t let this ruin the trip. you’ll regret it later.”

jessica leaned against the doorway, her lips pursed. “you came to reconnect, right? don’t let one person ruin that.”

their words tugged at your heart, but it didn’t change anything. not really. how could you stay with josh acting the way he was?

the worst part was the goodbyes. hugging each of them one by one, your chest tightened as tears pricked your eyes. you blinked them back, but it was no use.

“i’m sorry,” you whispered as you pulled back from hannah’s embrace. “i just… i can’t.”

“it’s not fair,” beth murmured, her own voice cracking.

“i know,” you said, barely able to meet her gaze. “i’ll make it up to you, i promise.”

when it came time to face josh, your stomach churned. he stood off to the side, hands shoved in his pockets, his face clouded with guilt. for once, he didn’t have anything snarky to say, no quip to throw out.

“you got what you wanted,” you said, your voice low, but it wasn’t enough to contain the way you were feeling. your chest ached with the weight of everything left unsaid, you couldn’t stop yourself.

“do you even realise what you’ve done?” you continued, your voice breaking as tears blurred your vision. “this was supposed to be a chance to reconnect with everyone. to have fun, to forget about everything else for a little while. but you… you made it unbearable.”

josh’s face fell, his guilt deepening as he opened his mouth to speak, but you didn’t give him the chance.

“you couldn’t just let me have this, could you?” you said, your voice rising. “you had to turn it into something miserable, and what makes it worse is that i don’t even know why. is it derek? is it me? what could i have possibly done to make you act like this?”

your words hung heavy in the air, and for a moment, josh looked like he might crumble. his hands fidgeted in his pockets, his lips parted as if he wanted to respond, but the silence dragged on.

“say something, josh!” you pleaded, the tears now streaming down your face. “anything. just tell me why you’ve been acting like this, because i can’t keep doing this. i can’t keep feeling like i’m walking into a fight every time i’m near you!”

josh took a hesitant step toward you, his brows furrowed in anguish. “i didn’t mean to ruin anything,” he said, his voice quiet and unsteady. “i just–”

“just what?” you interrupted, your voice trembling as you met his gaze. “do you even care how much this has hurt me? how hard it’s been trying to enjoy any of this while you go out of your way to make it miserable?”

he stared at you, his jaw clenching as his eyes searched yours, but he didn’t answer. the silence stung worse than anything he could’ve said, and it tore you apart.

“you know what?” you said, your voice breaking into a whisper. “forget it. i’m seriously done trying to figure you out, have a nice life, josh.”

with that, you turned and walked out of the lodge, leaving him standing there, the tension between you heavier than ever before.

after everything that went down at the lodge, breaking things off with derek was inevitable. it wasn’t dramatic or messy. if anything, it was almost too simple. the two of you mutually agreed it was for the best, leaving no lingering bitterness between you. but that didn’t stop the guilt from eating at you.

you felt terrible for dragging him up there in the first place. what had you been thinking? inviting someone you barely knew into such an intimate, emotionally charged space? you should’ve realised it was a bad idea from the start, but at the time, it had seemed like a good idea. a way to ignore the feelings you didn’t want to face.

but in the days after returning home, the weight of it all became too much. the memories of the trip. the tension, the arguments, josh’s lingering silence, played on a loop in your mind. it wasn’t just derek’s presence that had made things unravel. you couldn’t deny your own part in it.

to avoid dealing with it, you buried yourself in your school work. early mornings bled into late nights spent with your nose in textbooks, typing out assignments until your eyes blurred from exhaustion. it was easier to drown in deadlines and projects than to confront everything that stayed in the back of your mind.

your friends had noticed the change in you. they texted and called, checking in to make sure you were okay, and you answered them. most of them, anyway. you reassured them with simple responses, making excuses for why you hadn’t been in touch more. 

telling them you were just busy with school, just needed some time to yourself. but the truth was, you didn’t know what to say, and the idea of explaining everything felt like too much to deal with.

as the days went by, the silence grew. every time your phone buzzed, you had the urge to reach out. to tell the people who were closest to you what you were feeling, to spill all the frustration, guilt, and confusion that had piled up inside of you since the trip. but you kept it all in.

you’d muted the washington's messages, the endless string of “are you okay?” texts too much to handle. it wasn’t that you didn’t appreciate their concern, you did, but you knew that the moment you tried to talk about it, you’d break. you weren’t ready for that.

one night, as the weight of everything seemed to crash down on you, you were sitting on your couch, mindlessly scrolling through your phone, when there came a knock at the door. you didn’t immediately jump up. your first thought was that it was just another mistake. a package, maybe, or a misdelivered letter..

but the knock came again, more persistent this time.

you rose to your feet cautiously, searching your mind for any reason someone might be here. but no matter how hard you tried to piece it together, you weren’t expecting anyone, especially at a time like this.

you opened the door, and there josh stood, with his shoulders slightly hunched, his expression unreadable. your breath hitching at the sight of him..

he looked different. a little worn, like he hadn't been sleeping. his eyes met yours for a long moment, and you could see the hesitation in them.

“hey,” josh speaks quietly, his voice barely above a whisper. his hands were shoved deep into his pockets, his body posture defensive yet somehow vulnerable. “can we talk?”

your heart thudded in your chest. you didn’t know what to say. part of you wanted to slam the door and walk away from all of it. from this entire mess. but another part of you, the part you’d been ignoring for weeks now, knew you couldn’t just keep avoiding him.

you stepped aside wordlessly, your throat tight, he hesitated for a second before entering.

neither of you said a word at first, the silence deafening between you. when josh finally spoke, his voice was rough, as though he’d been holding back for longer than he cared to admit.

“i’ve been a mess,” josh admitted, his hand running through his hair in frustration. he glanced at you, his eyes searching for any kind of reaction, as if trying to gauge how much damage had been done. 

“i didn’t... i didn’t know how to fix it. i didn’t know how to fix what i fucked up between us.”

“josh, you can’t just show up like this,” you said, your voice quieter than you meant for it to be. “you can’t just come here and expect everything to be okay.”

“i know,” he said, his voice thick with regret. “i don’t expect it to be okay. i just... i couldn’t leave it like this. i wanted to explain what happened. why i acted like i did.”

you closed your eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath. you weren’t sure what you were expecting from this, but it wasn’t a clean resolution. there were too many things unsaid, too much left to work through. still, his presence here, his willingness to face what had been left in the air, meant something. 

even if you didn’t know what it meant yet.

“i don’t even know where to start,” you said, frustration rising in your voice. “why did you push me away, josh? i don’t understand. i’ve only ever been good to you, why wasn’t that enough?”

josh let out a shaky breath, his hands falling to his sides. “because it was easier to pretend i didn’t care than to deal with how much i actually do,” he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. “you were always there for me, and i didn’t know how to handle that. i didn’t think i deserved it. so, i pushed you away, acted like it didn’t matter—like you didn’t matter—because i was scared of what it meant if you did.”

“do you not see how this has made me feel? no matter how hard i tried, nothing was ever good enough for you. i was never good enough.” your eyes are stuck firmly on the ground.

josh’s face fell, and for a moment, he looked completely undone. “that’s not true,” he said quickly, his voice raw. “you were always good enough—more than good enough. i was the one who wasn’t. i didn’t know how to let you in because... because i didn’t think i could be what you deserved.”

you shook your head, anger and hurt twisting in your chest. “so instead of trying, you just shut me out? you made me feel like i was wasting my time, like i didn’t matter.”

“i know,” he said, his voice breaking. “i know i hurt you, and i hate myself for it. i hate that i made you feel that way. but the truth is, you’re the only thing that’s ever made me feel like maybe i wasn’t completely falling apart. and i didn’t know how to handle that, either.”

his words hung in the air, heavy and vulnerable, but they didn’t erase the pain he’d caused. “you can’t just say that and expect me to forgive you,” you said, your voice trembling. “you don’t get to hurt me and then turn around and admit your feelings like it makes everything okay.”

“i’m not asking for forgiveness,” josh said quietly, stepping closer, his eyes locked on yours. “i’m asking for a chance to prove i’m not that guy anymore. to prove that you mean more to me than i ever let you see.”

"where we stand?" you shot back, your voice unsteady. "we’re standing in the mess you made, josh, and i’m the one who’s been left to clean it up."

josh’s voice rose as he stepped forward, his frustration finally breaking through. “you think i don’t know what i did to you? you think i don’t lie awake every night wishing i could take it back?”

you stood your ground, stepping closer. “what about me, josh? do you have any idea how it felt to keep reaching out, only for you to shut me out over and over? i tried, and it felt like you didn’t even care.”

his jaw clenched, his hand running through his hair as he closed the gap between you. “i didn’t know how to deal with anything! i was falling apart, and instead of dragging you down with me, i thought i was doing the right thing by pushing you away!”

“that wasn’t your call to make!” you shot back, your voice shaking with anger. “you don’t get to decide what’s best for me, josh! i needed you, and all you did was make me feel like i wasn’t enough!”

his eyes flashed, his breath shallow as he took another step forward. “you weren’t the problem! i was! i didn’t know how to let you in– i was scared! you deserve someone better, someone who didn’t treat you like crap because he couldn’t figure out his own shit!”

“and yet, i stayed!” you yelled, your face now inches from his. “i stayed, josh! i kept trying, no matter how much you pushed me away! do you even realise how much that hurt? how much it took out of me to keep fighting for someone who didn’t want to fight for me?”

he was so close now that you could feel the heat radiating off him, his voice trembling as he spoke. “i wanted to fight for you, i did. i just didn’t know how. i didn’t know how to be enough for you, and instead of trying, i ran like a coward. i fucked up, okay? i fucked up, and i hate myself for it.”

your chest was heaving, the intensity between you almost suffocating. “and what am i supposed to do with that, josh? what do you want me to say? that it’s okay? that it doesn’t matter?”

“no,” he speaks quietly. “i don’t want you to say it’s okay. i want you to know that i’m here now, ready to fight for you if you’ll let me. but if you can’t... if it’s too late, then i’ll take that too. just... tell me where we stand.”

the silence that followed was deafening, as you both waited for what would come next.

“and what’s your excuse for the way you treated derek, huh?”

josh’s eyes darkened, his frustration boiling over. “derek?” he repeated, his tone sharp. “yeah, let’s talk about him. let’s talk about how he couldn’t mind his own damn business for five seconds.”

your brow furrowed, anger rising in your chest. “what are you even talking about? derek was nothing but sweet. he didn’t do anything to you, josh.”

josh took another step closer, his jaw tightening. “didn’t do anything? are you serious? he was always acting like he’s better than me, like he knows what’s best for you, for everyone!”

you crossed your arms, refusing to back down. “you mean he was looking out for me? god forbid someone actually gives a damn and calls you out when you’re being a jerk!”

josh let out a bitter laugh, his frustration spilling out in waves. “looking out for you? no, he was trying to play the hero. always in your ear, always making himself the good guy. don’t think i didn’t notice the way he acted around you, like he was just waiting for me to screw up so he could swoop in!”

“that’s insane,” you snapped, stepping closer until you were nearly toe to toe with him. “derek wasn’t trying to replace you, josh. he was doing nothing wrong! you had to nitpick every little thing he did and turn it into some kind of competition!”

josh’s eyes flared with emotion, his voice rising. “maybe i didn’t want him there, okay? maybe i couldn’t stand the thought of him getting closer to you than i was. i already felt like i was losing you, and every time he opened his mouth, it just made it worse!”

“you weren’t losing me, josh,” you said, your voice trembling with both anger and hurt. “but you sure as hell are now. because instead of letting me in, instead of trusting me, you let your jealousy control everything. you treated him like shit, and you pushed me away. and for what? to protect your pride?”

josh’s voice cracked as he stepped even closer, his face inches from yours. “no, to protect you! i didn’t know how to let you see me falling apart. i didn’t know how to handle it, so yeah, i acted like an ass. but you’ve got it all wrong if you think it was about pride. it was about you– it’s always been about you.”

his words echo in your mind as you stare at him, trying to process the mess between you both. 

both of your breaths were shallow, hurried, the tension thick enough to drown in. his eyes flickered between yours and your lips, and you could feel the heat radiating off him as if the air itself was conspiring to close the gap.

josh’s voice was low, almost desperate, as he finally broke the silence. “how could i tell you how much i’ve longed for you? without making a complete idiot of myself?”

you held his focus, the words hitting you harder than you expected, but you weren’t going to let him off that easily. your lips curved into a faint, defiant smile as you whispered, “looks like you’ve already done that.”

his breath hitched, a flicker of surprise and something deeper flashing in his eyes, every inch of space narrowing as if pulled by gravity, daring one of you to cross it.

the seconds dragged on, the tension between you unbearable, as you both stood there. your hearts were racing, breaths shallow.

josh’s eyes flickered to your lips, then back to your eyes. there was so much unspoken between you. so much hurt, so much yearning, it all hung in the air, pulling you closer.

his chest rose and fell with every breath, his fingers still gripping your wrist, but his touch was different now, gentler, your own heart was pounding in your ears, every inch of you screaming to cross that line, to close the gap between you, but something, something, kept you both frozen.

josh’s face softened, his eyes dark with something deeper, more intense. he licked his lips, breath trembling slightly.

“you have no idea how badly i’ve wanted this,” he rasped, the words low, rough, full of that simmering desire that had been building between you.

before you could respond, before the weight of your thoughts could take over, josh closed the distance. his lips crashed against yours, a kiss so intense it knocked the breath out of you. it was like everything was finally set loose. all of the frustration, the longing, the anger. all of it poured into that one desperate, searing kiss. his hands moved, one gripping your waist, pulling you closer, while the other threaded into your hair, his fingers tangling desperately, almost painfully, as if he couldn’t bear the space between you any longer.

your fingers curled into his shirt, holding him there, refusing to let the moment end, feeling the rapid beat of his heart beneath your fingers. there was nothing tentative about this kiss, it was hungry, impatient, as if both of you were desperate to make up for all the time you had wasted, all the things you had never said, never done.

his hands squeezed at your waist, pulling you impossibly closer.

your fingers curled into his shirt, holding him there, refusing to let the moment end. his lips moved against yours with an urgency that matched your own, the kiss deepening with each passing second.

when you finally pulled apart, gasping for air, his forehead rested against yours. his eyes searched yours, filled with something that looked a lot like vulnerability.

“i’m sorry,” he whispered, his voice hoarse and barely audible. “for everything.”

you shook your head, your hands still gripping his shirt as if letting go wasn’t an option. “you don’t have to say anything,” you murmured, “just don’t push me away again.”

josh’s jaw tightened as he cupped your face in his hands, his thumb brushing against your cheek. “i won’t. i swear, i won’t.”

his hand slid to the back of your neck, gently pulling you back in for a kiss. this one softer, quieter, as if testing the waters. when he pulled back, his thumb brushed over your lip, and he gave a small, almost nervous smile.

“i’m not perfect,” he said quietly, his voice steadying with each word. “but i’ll do better. i swear i will.”

you nodded, your chest feeling lighter. “you better.”

josh's lips curved into a small, relieved smile, and for the first time in a long while, 

it felt like you were both on the same page.

comments and reblogs are appreciated ˗ˋˏ ♡ ˎˊ˗ @jenepleurepasbaby

© ruewrote 2024.

[ferrstappen]

max, don't panic l Max Verstappen blurb

a/n: he'd absolutely stop his car bc 1) what's a couple of points for this man? he's going to gain them back while sleeping; 2) this man PROTECTS you cannot tell me otherwise.

also, pls if anyone knows how to turn this blog (sideblog) into the main? my main is full of Shawn Mendes fics and on a permanent hiatus so I'll take any advice pls. anyway... I tried my best bc for some reason driver!reader is not my fav trope? but anyway, hope you enjoy <3

genre: kinda dramatic? angst? idk. request is here.

warnings: car crash.

pairing: Max Verstappen x driver!reader.

max, don´t panic – max verstappen blurb

The private but not secret applied to you and your boyfriend perfectly. Even if you didn't walk around hand I hand in the paddock, you always arrived together, bright smiles, sometimes riding the same car or blinded SUV, even arriving on the same planes.

This wouldn't be exactly controversial, but giving the fact you both were Formula 1 drivers, Max for Red Bull and you for Ferrari, yeah, it was a big thing. Especially since you and another driver in Williams were the only girls, people's eyes were always on you, obviously laced with criticism, sexism and misogyny, and of course everyone was waiting and constantly asking about which driver was the most handsome, if something had happened between you or any of the male drivers.

It wasn't pretty.

So Charles Leclerc had to miss a triple header due to an injury which costed him a surgery, you were briefly promoted to the Scuderia from Haas. The only thing you or anyone in the garage heard during the last few days was why you, why not Ferrari's own reserve driver? why not a driver with more experience? of course the lacing question was, why not a male driver?

You didn't need the press and public to keep speculating as your last Sunday driving for Ferrari arrived, even if sports sites stated the only reason you were chosen was because of your "especial friendship" with Max Verstappen, because it didn't make any sense otherwise. Of course Max rolled his eyes every time he heard something about it, forcing to bit his tongue to tell someone to fuck off, the fact you had been dating for now nine months had absolutely nothing of your job and performance.

It wouldn't help your case very much, having to calm him down on your shared hotel room. Well, it wasn't exactly shared, you just left you room vacant and made it to Max's to spend the night, sleeping in his warm embrace and messy kisses, trying to not exhaust your bodies in order to not be overly tired during race day.

Now, Sunday. Oh boy.

Before pulling your helmet, you found Max's eyes across the garage, doing a small sign with your fingers which Max matched, a secret language reserved for the both of you, expressing your love and preoccupation in front of everyone who was oblivious to the love language displayed in plain sight.

Then the race started and it was ordinary; good weather, good pace. But during lap twenty something happened.

You didn't really register when an Aston Martin car made contact with your rear wing, making you lose control and also getting hit by a Mercedes on the left side, which sent you flying through the gravel.

Fuck.

Your eyes closed as you felt the car spinning, waiting to make contact with the wall, trying to relax your body and mind, knowing injuries would be even more serious after the impact if her body was limp enough. Then it happened, you stopped rolling, the sound of gravel and tires stopped; radio wasn't working, though it wouldn't really work since you couldn't find your voice.

Max was on other sector, Gianpiero telling him to expect a red flag. At the same time, his eyes fixed on the screen and noticed the unmistakable red car flying and crashing.

Max was a man prepared for anything on the race track. Seriously, you could throw anything at him and Max would remain calm and collected, his body and mind not having to even think before making a move.

But this... this he wasn't prepared for.

"Which Ferrari was that?" Max asked through the radio, voice masking a slight panic.

"I don't have that information, yet. I'll let you know, now focus on slowing down, please, red flag red flag,"

"Is the driver okay?" Max completely ignored the other instructions given to him.

"No word, Max. Please," GP was cut off.

"Please tell me who's Ferrari is it!"

"Sainz was on the pit, it's (Y/N)'s Ferrari. Max, you can't speed up,"

Max ignored him. Of course, he knew better than to get in the way of the safety car and medical cars rushing, also noticing a green figure trying to get closer to the car, also noting a Mercedes and Aston with damages.

"Max, come to the pit, please," GP had many many experiences dealing with Max, but this was new. "Max, you are not going to help, you will only obstruct and put the car and yourself in danger,"

Max was covered in chills, watching the wrecked Ferrari, trapped against the wall, no movement.

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is completely unheard of. This is by far the worst accident during this season, but Red bull's Max Verstappen drove his car towards the crash, ignoring the red flag and his engineer. We don't now what's going on, how is the driver, as you can see it's a mess," That's what the audience was hearing and watching.

Ignoring everything, Max prompted himself up, leaving the car and reaching the medical car, trying to get someone to connect him to the Ferrari radio, knowing her radio was probably dead.

Time stopped, and then he saw you being carried, barely conscious but giving a thumbs up, and he felt like he could collapse and cry and laugh, all at the same time.

"I'm riding with her," Max stepped inside the ambulance, knowing pictures were being captured and broadcasted of him kissing your temple and holding your hand.

[mendesblurb]

We were staying in Paris

Shawn Mendes x female reader

Warning ⚠️: mostly fluff, maybe grammar error and maybe some punctuation errors

Word count:~500

A/N: The story idea and concept are classic and predictable; your girl just couldn’t help but write something inspired by this picture. Also, it’s three weeks late; better late than never? And this is my first story in 2024? 🙈 P.S. Should I write a longer and maybe some more steamy story with this picture? 🤪

——//

In the heart of Paris, in a hotel room with a balcony overlooking the city that served as the backdrop for a love story as it was unfolding in the early hours of dawn. You lay nestled in the warmth of the bed beside your boyfriend as your fingers intertwined with his. As the first tendrils of sunlight filtered through the curtains, Shawn stirred awake, his eyes blinking open to the soft glow of morning. 

He savoured the moment's stillness a little while before gently extricating himself from the embrace, slipping out of bed, and heading to the bathroom. The cool floor beneath his bare feet offers a refreshing contrast to the warmth of the bed. He was going to return to bed, but instead, he made his way to the balcony, drawn by the promise of a tranquil morning amidst the bustling city below.

As he leaned against the railing, taking in the breathtaking view before him, he couldn't help but marvel at the beauty of the Parisian skyline bathed in the soft hues of dawn. The Eiffel Tower stood tall and majestic in the distance, a precious sight. Lost in thought, he reached for a cigarette, the flame casting a flickering glow on his face as he took a contemplative drag.

Unbeknownst to him, you had stirred awake in his absence, your gaze lingering on the spot where he had once laid.

There you were, quietly making your way to the balcony, and you found him lost in reverie with the smoke curling around him like a halo in the morning light. With a soft throat clearing, you announced your presence, a playful glint dancing in your eyes.

"Good morning, stranger," You greeted, voice laced with amusement as you wrapped your arms around him from behind.

A little startled, he turned to find you standing before him, a radiant smile lighting up her features as he leaned in for a kiss.

"Good morning, ma chÃrie," He greeted back before discarding his cigarette and nestling closer. It didn’t take long for his eyes to linger around you, and eventually falling upon the shirt you were wearing, a mischievous twinkle lighting up his gaze, “I believe that’s my shirt.” 

"Oh yeah, I hope you don't mind," You began, fingers tracing the fabric of the shirt, "I may have borrowed this from you,” You continued slyly as your lips curled into a grin as he took in the sight of you wearing his shirt, the fabric draping over your frame in a way that seemed almost too perfect.

"Shirt stealer," he remarked, his voice tinged with sincerity as he reached out to tuck a loose strand of hair behind your ear.

Moments later, as the sun continued its ascent, casting a golden glow over the city, you both remained on the balcony, lost in each other's embrace and the beauty of the Parisian sunrise. 

"By the way, I'm never returning this shirt,” You added, breaking the silence with a mischievous grin. 

In response, Shawn just chuckled, his eyes sparkling with affection, “Thank you for letting me know," he replied, pulling  you closer than before, “But It looks better on you anyway."

——————————————————————————

Thank you for reading guys... feel free to like, reblog, follow my account, leave a comment and my chat is always open for random chats or requests... appreciate every single one of you... ❤️

Taglist (open) : @monikamendes @holland-styles @bvttercupbby @lonelyreputation @badreputationlove @shawn-is-my-giant-jellybean @benito-mi-vida @swiftmendeshoran @yournameoneverypage @shawn-is-bruh @mendesbhraanth @perfectlywrongformendes @imaginashawnn @smendes-forever @nervousmendes @whenyoureadyholland @shawn-youth @myboyshawn @camilalewiss @camilalewisss @theregoesmyherojd @nanijaac1 @shawnieeboyy @silverswallow @inlovewithmendes-blog @mendeslola-blog @mendesx123 @23kofmendes @jellyloml @chipofmendes @poohofmendes @wutheringmendes @shawnmendesbuddy @chocochipcookie305 @shiningshawns

Story Code:05042409

[lecsainz]

Hiii 🥰

Can I please request one with sunshine but shy reader that is a driver and all the boys sees her as a little sister and the older one like a daughter

Maybe an interview or any scenarios that you want

Thank you ❤️‍🩹

Fangirl Moment

pairings: 2022 grid x driver!reader / shawn mendes x driver!reader

warnings: seb treating Y/N like a daughter, the drivers teasing her for her fangirl freakout, shawn being as sweet as ever.

authors note: I LOVED this request so much that when i started writing i had two ideas that i needed to write down! seb shouting that he's the father of the grid and don't ask me why, i can't explain it, and the other drivers treating her like a little sister aaaaaa have my heart 🥹 and the other story is here! i hope you like it as much as i enjoyed writing it.

word count: 1.4K

Y/N rubbed her eyes and groaned as she checked her phone. She had slept through her alarm and was now running late for her interview. She quickly got dressed and headed to the paddock, hoping she wouldn't get into too much trouble.

As she walked into the media center, she could feel the eyes of her fellow drivers on her. She blushed and tried to hide behind her hair, feeling like a little kid who had done something wrong.

"Hey, sleepyhead, did you forget you had an interview this morning?" Daniel teased, his grin widening as she walked by.

Y/N rolled her eyes but couldn't help but smile. She knew the guys meant well, but sometimes it felt like they didn't take her seriously as a driver.

Sebastian, who had always been a bit of a father figure to her, walked over and put a hand on her shoulder. "Don't worry, kiddo, we've got your back. Just remember to speak from the heart, and you'll do great."

Y/N nodded, grateful for his words of encouragement. She took a deep breath and walked into the interview room, trying to push her nerves aside.

The interviewer greeted her with a smile and started with the usual questions about her racing career. Y/N answered as best she could, but she couldn't help feeling like she was stumbling over her words.

Then, the interviewer asked her about her relationship with the other drivers. Y/N's heart sank. She knew what was coming next.

"So, Y/N, the other drivers have referred to you as their little sister. How does that make you feel?"

Y/N could feel her cheeks turning red as she fidgeted in her seat. "Um, well, it's nice to be part of such a close-knit community, but sometimes it feels like they don't take me seriously as a driver."

The interviewer nodded sympathetically. "Do you feel like you have to prove yourself more because of that?"

Y/N nodded. "Yeah, definitely. But I try not to let it get to me. At the end of the day, I know what I'm capable of."

The rest of the interview went by in a blur, and before she knew it, Y/N was back in the paddock. She was greeted by a chorus of cheers and high-fives from the other drivers.

"Great job, sis!" Charles said, clapping her on the back.

"Way to go, Y/N!" Mick added, grinning.

Y/N couldn't help but smile, feeling like she had overcome a major hurdle. She was proud of herself for speaking her truth and proving that she was more than just a little sister.

And as she walked away, she heard Sebastian's voice behind her. "Good job, sunshine. You did great in there."

Y/N turned around and smiled at him. "Thanks, Seb. You were right, speaking from the heart really helped."

Sebastian gave her a warm smile. "I knew you had it in you. You're a great driver, and don't let anyone make you feel otherwise."

Y/N felt a surge of gratitude towards Sebastian. He had always been there for her, supporting her and giving her advice when she needed it most. "Thanks, Seb. I really appreciate your support."

Sebastian patted her on the back. "Anytime, kiddo. You're like a daughter to me, you know that."

Y/N's heart swelled with warmth at his words. She had always looked up to Sebastian, and it meant a lot to her to be considered like a daughter to him. "I'm lucky to have you as a mentor, Seb."

Sebastian chuckled. “The feeling's mutual, sunshine.”

As she made her way to the interview area, she noticed a commotion near the stage. A group of fans had gathered around someone, screaming and taking pictures. Y/N squinted, trying to see who it was, and then her heart skipped a beat. It was Shawn Mendes.

"Oh my god," she whispered feeling a surge of excitement. "Oh my god, is that Shawn Mendes?" she whispered to herself, trying to play it cool.

As she tried to make her way through the crowd to get closer to Shawn, she heard the other drivers calling out to her.

"Hey, Y/N, did you bring your Shawn Mendes poster for him to sign?" Lando teased, grinning from ear to ear.

Max chimed in. "I heard he's a big fan of yours too, Y/N. Maybe you should ask him for an autograph."

Y/N felt her face turning red as she tried to hide her embarrassment. She had been a fan of Shawn Mendes since her teenage years, and she couldn't believe she was about to meet him in person.

She finally managed to make her way to the front of the crowd and caught Shawn's eye. He smiled at her and waved, holding up a hat with her racing number on it.

Y/N's heart skipped a beat as she saw the hat. She couldn't believe that Shawn was wearing something with her number on it. She felt a surge of emotions, a mix of excitement and disbelief.

She managed to make her way through the crowd and stood in front of Shawn. "Hi, Shawn," she said, trying to keep her voice steady.

"Hey, Y/N," Shawn replied, grinning. "It's great to finally meet you in person."

Y/N could feel her heart racing as she tried to think of something to say. "I can't believe you're a fan of mine," she managed to say, feeling a little star-struck.

Shawn chuckled. "Of course I am. I've been following your career for a while now. You're an amazing driver."

Y/N felt a surge of pride at his words. She had always looked up to Shawn as a musician, and to hear him say that he was a fan of hers was surreal.

"Would you mind signing something for me?" she asked, feeling a little shy.

"Of course, what do you want me to sign?" Shawn asked, taking out a marker from his pocket.

Y/N handed him her racing helmet. "Could you sign this for me? It's my lucky helmet."

Shawn nodded and signed the helmet with a message of encouragement. Y/N couldn't believe it. She had always dreamed of meeting Shawn Mendes, and now here he was, signing her helmet.

As she walked away from the crowd, Y/N couldn't help but smile.

The other drivers continued to tease Y/N about meeting Shawn Mendes for the rest of the day. Lando and Max kept making jokes about her being a fangirl and asking for autographs. Even Sebastian couldn't resist making a quip or two, although he was always quick to reassure her that meeting Shawn was a big deal and she had nothing to be embarrassed about.

"Hey, Y/N, you going to hang that picture of you and Shawn Mendes on your bedroom wall?" Daniel joked, earning a chuckle from Lando.

Y/N rolled her eyes but couldn't help but grin at their banter. "Very funny, guys. You wish you had a picture with Shawn like I do."

Lando crossed his arms. "Oh, please. We have better things to do than fangirl over celebrities."

George raised an eyebrow. "Speak for yourself, Lando. I heard you have a secret crush on Selena Gomez."

Lando's face turned red as he sputtered out a denial. "What? No, I don't! Who told you that?"

Y/N couldn't help but laugh at the exchange. "Looks like I'm not the only one with a celebrity crush around here."

Despite the teasing, Y/N couldn't stop thinking about the encounter. She couldn't believe that Shawn Mendes was a fan of hers and had been wearing a hat with her racing number on it. It was surreal.

Later that day, as she was getting ready for the quali, she saw that Shawn had posted a picture of them together on his social media. He had even tagged her in the post and written a sweet message about how much he admired her as a driver.

Y/N couldn't contain her excitement as she saw Shawn's post. She let out a loud scream in the motorhome, causing some of the other drivers to come rushing over, thinking that she had been attacked or injured.

"What happened? Are you okay?" Lewis asked, concern etched on his face.

Y/N turned to them with a huge grin. "No, I'm fine. Look!" She held up her phone, showing them Shawn's post.

The other drivers crowded around her, looking at the post with interest. Lando let out a whistle. "Wow, Y/N, you're really making a name for yourself. Maybe you'll get a shoutout from Taylor Swift next!"

Max chuckled. "Or maybe Drake will invite you to his next concert."

Y/N rolled her eyes, but couldn't help feeling a little giddy. She had always dreamed of meeting her favorite celebrities, and now that dream was starting to become a reality. She knew that she had worked hard to get where she was, but it still felt surreal to see her name being recognized by people she admired.

[iamgonnagetyouback]

HEYYY BAE HOW ARE YOU soo i got request about Shawn Mendes and like it like him in an interview saying how most of his lyrics is about reader or memory with her and they are dating AND THANK YOUU

𝟷𝚔 || 𝐈𝐍 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐘 𝐋𝐘𝐑𝐈𝐂

♡ ︎ꜱᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ: The way Shawn talked about you in his interview made your heart flutter.

♡ ︎ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢꜱ: None

♡ ︎ꜱʜɪᴘ: Shawn Mendes x Reader

You sat on the couch with a cozy blanket wrapped around you, sipping a cup of tea as the familiar face of your boyfriend appeared on the TV screen. The interviewer smiled brightly, introducing Shawn and his latest album, and you couldn't help but feel a swell of pride in your chest. He had been working so hard, pouring his heart and soul into every song, and now the world was about to hear his story.

"And, of course, we have to talk about these lyrics," the interviewer began, pulling out a card with a smirk. "Fans have been speculating—who is the muse behind the songs? Especially the one that goes, 'I'm a couple hundred miles from Japan, and I was thinking I could fly to your hotel tonight.'"

You knew that song. Your heart raced as you remembered the day Shawn had written it. He had been on tour, far away, missing you like crazy. He'd called you late at night, voice soft and full of longing as he spoke about how much he wanted to be with you, no matter the distance. And now here it was, out in the world for everyone to hear.

Shawn chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck, a telltale sign he was about to get shy. "Yeah, that one’s… well, it’s about my girlfriend," he admitted, his cheeks slightly pink. "A lot of my songs are, actually."

You felt your heart do a little flip. Hearing him say that on national television was surreal.

The interviewer leaned forward, intrigued. "So, most of your lyrics are about her?"

"Yeah," Shawn nodded with a soft smile, his eyes lighting up as he thought about you. "She's... she's incredible. I mean, we’ve been together for a while now, and every time I’m with her, it’s just..." He paused, his voice lowering as if he was only speaking to you. "Every night I’m with her, I fall more in love. You know? Like in the song—‘Now I’m laying by your side, everything feels right since you came along.’”

Your breath caught in your throat. You weren’t expecting him to quote those lyrics on air, let alone say it with such raw emotion.

The interviewer smiled, clearly touched by Shawn’s sincerity. "That's beautiful, Shawn. Fans are going to be so jealous of her."

Shawn laughed, but his gaze softened. "I’m the lucky one. She makes everything better. And, you know, sometimes when I'm far away—like on tour in Japan or wherever—I'm just thinking about how I can get back to her as soon as possible."

You felt tears prick the corners of your eyes. The love he was describing, the way he spoke about you with such reverence, made your heart swell.

Back on the screen, the interview wrapped up, and Shawn waved to the camera before they cut to commercial. As soon as the show ended, your phone buzzed with a text.

Shawn: Did you watch it? You: I did. You’re so cheesy. Shawn: Only for you ;)

You smiled, typing quickly.

You: It was perfect. You were perfect. I miss you. Shawn: Miss you more. I’ll be home soon. Promise.

You curled back into the couch, heart warm and full. Shawn had a way of making you feel like the center of his universe, whether he was a couple hundred miles away or right there by your side. And knowing that so many of the lyrics that touched millions of hearts were about you? It was a feeling you’d never get used to—but you cherished every second of it.

thank you so much for the request!! ps. i am doing great

[dangerousstrawberryshark]

Sex on the Beach

Pairing(s): Shawn Mendes x male reader

Requested: Yes

Word Count: 1K

Warnings: bottom male reader, top Shawn Mendes, Shawn fucks like a feral animal, spanking, some dirty talk, ass eating, and beach sex 

Summary: You and Shawn have steamy sex at a private beach. 

Hello, my 🍓Little Strawberries🍓! I’m not dead! I just lose motivation quickly. Anyways, I hope you all enjoy this!

XxXxXxX

You sigh in comfort, laying down on your stomach as you feel the sun beam down upon half of your body, the other half underneath the shade of an umbrella, and the wind cooling your body as you lay on the soft blanket that covers the hot sand. You could hear seagulls squawking in the background. 

Those creatures are most likely fighting over food. 

Loud ocean waves crash against the nearby rock formations, and the gentle waves crash against the beach sand. 

It was an amazing day to go to the beach. You were snapped out of your thoughts when you heard your boyfriend coming close. “M/n!” 

You turn your head to the right as you see Shawn wearing nothing but his swimming shorts. You couldn’t help but admire his body. 

His lean-muscular body had some hair around his pecs and abs. His body glowed in the sunlight. He looked like he came out of a beach scene from a romance movie. You unconsciously licked your lips. 

“You like what you see?” Shawn said as he noticed your long stare. Your face turned red as Shawn chuckled before taking his place next to you. 

“You know, you need sunscreen to protect yourself from the sun! Here, let me help you.” Shawn said, pulling out the cream from the container near the umbrella. 

Shawn squirted some before getting behind you. You could feel his hands and long fingers massaging the cream over your back. 

You moan as Shawn continues massaging the cream, but that changes as you feel Shawn press his crotch against your ass. Smirking deviously, you begin to grind against his crotch. Feeling his cock getting hard.

Shawn freezes as he feels your bubble butt. He growls as his hands move down and grab your ass and knead it like it was dough. You whimpered but continued to tease him. 

“So, you wanna tease me with his fat ass?” Shawn pulls your shorts and begins to slap your ass. He smirks at the recoil and the red hand marks. You moan loudly as Shawn continues his attacks on your ass. 

Suddenly, you felt your lower half pulled up, your ass now in front of Shawn’s mouth. Shawn was salivating at the sight and dived into the canyon. You gripped the blanket tightly as Shawn’s tongue penetrated your hole.

Shawn ravaged your ass like a wild animal. Spreading your asscheeks apart and slapping them. One of his hands slowly begins to stroke your aching cock, already leaking pre-cum from the head. 

Your mind was getting foggy and it felt like your brain was turning into mush as Shawn continued to stroke your cock and eat your ass. Then, Shawn heard a loud moan when his tongue hit a certain part inside you.

‘So, that’s his prostate?’ With the new knowledge, Shawn repeatedly assaulted your prostate. Soon, you were a moaning mess as your cock throbbed in pain, needing a release. Shawn could sense you were close and began to stroke faster.

“Ahh⁓” You moan as your cock throbbed before shooting it load all over Shawn’s hand and the blanket. You were allowed to calm down for a moment before Shawn flipped you over onto your backside. 

Shawn pulled down his shorts along with his striped boxers to reveal his throbbing cock. You were mentally drooling at the sight of the thing.

His cock looked to be 6 inches (15.52cm) with some thickness as well. A prominent vein running down the center along smaller ones, nicely trimmed pubic hair, and nice egg size melons. (Melons - balls.)

“See what you do to me, baby?” He then proceeds to slap his cock against your already hard one. Shawn positions himself right in the middle, putting both of your legs to the side of his waist. 

“Are you ready for me, baby?” Shawn says, aiming his cock to your entrance. You nodded your head. Shawn slowly pushed his cock inside you. His eyes and head rolled back in pleasure as your tight heat swallowed him whole. 

“Shawny⁓” you moaned, gripping the blanket harder and arching your back. You slowly pushed back until swallowing his entire cock. Biting your lips, feeling the large cock throbbing inside. 

“F-fuck…” His nails dug into your hips as he could feel your ass clenching around him. Shawn leaned down to your neck, leaving kisses and hickies. “Fuck me like an animal.” you whispered into his ear. 

Shawn growls before pulling back, leaving only the head, then gives one big thrust. You moaned at the top of your lungs as if all the oxygen was knocked out. Shawn kept repeating the action, his cock always hitting your prostate. 

Your brain was turning into mush, the surrounding area becoming blurry. The constant abuse of your prostate was sending so many signals through your nerve system as if it was about to go into overdrive. 

It felt like you two were the only ones there, it was a private beach so of course you’re gonna be the only ones. You could hear both loud moans and groans along with the wet squelching sound of Shawn pounding your ass like an animal in heat, and skin slapping skin.

Both of your orgasms were close as Shawn thrust harder into you. You could see a small stomach bulge appearing. “I-I’m… close…” Shawn said, pulling and bringing your whole body closer to him.

“Me too!” wrapping your arms around Shawn’s neck. After a few more aggressive thrusts, Shawn gave one final thrust, flooding your insides with white. Cock throbbing inside your tight heat, kept spurting more. 

You also came to an orgasm, your cock spurting load after load onto Shawn’s abdomen, balls tightening and throbbing. 

“We should do this more often.”

THE END

A/N: It's been so long since I’ve written smut! I hope this fic was good! Bye, my 🍓Little Strawberries🍓!

[thewulf]

Treat You Better || Steve Harrington

Summary: Request - Steve Harrington x Reader based on Treat You Better by Shawn Mendes😩 I used to LOVE that song when i was younger, and now it just reminds me of my boy stevee💙

A/N: Loved writing these even though men suck (sometimes!!). Thank you for the request @marennnx. This is a 3x1 - or the three times your boyfriend treated you like crap and the one time he did something about it!

Pairing: Steve Harrington x Female Reader

Word Count: 3.7k +

T/W: Dismissive boyfriend, absent boyfriend, gaslighting

Steve Harrington had been a constant in your life as you grew up in the small town of Hawkins. You’d moved in next to the Harrington’s when you were just six and became fast friends with the neighbor boy, Steve. The two of you became fast friends as there was no other six- or seven-years old’s in the neighborhood close to you. You’d quite literally been there for each and every single first for the other. You’d learned and grew through life with Steve right by your side.

For the first time in your lives things got a little strained when he started dating Nancy. Not that you didn’t like her, she was lovely. It’s that Steve did that stereotypical thing and kind of forgot about you for a while. Tired of being bored around your house you too started going out and doing things with your other friends. It was fun, you enjoyed yourself. You still wished you were doing it all with Steve though.

Then you met Derek. You’d seen him around Hawkins High but never actually met. Not until the summer Steve had ditched you. That was almost a year ago now. Steve and Nancy had long since broken up. You and Derek were still hanging on, albeit by a thread, as all of you were heading into your junior year. It dawned on you that you were going to have to start looking at school soon if you really wanted to get the hell out of Hawkins like you and Steve always talked about.

Things never really got back to normal between you and Steve after it was all settled. The two of you talked and hung out more but you attention usually went towards trying to save the failing relationship between you and Derek. You were truly miserable, but you didn’t let a soul know, not even you mom who you usually told everything. It was almost embarrassing admitting it at this point with how much you’d been faking your happiness. Derek also didn’t like you hanging around with Steve. He was jealous of course so you tried to keep it to a minimum or as hush hush as you could.

That was how you got to the semi-awkward place between you and your best friend. The two of you stealing longing glances but neither having the courage to broach the growing tension between the two of you.

The Bonfire

It was the Friday before school started the next Monday. You’d arrived with Derek, pulling him along to find some seats. It was the annual class tradition since you’d been in eighth grade to have a class wide bonfire before school actually began again. You, of course, had to drag your reluctant boyfriend along with you to the event. That should’ve given you the wherewithal to understand where his attitude would be for the night.

But you ignored it as best as you could. Press on and have fun. Don’t let the stupid boy ruin your fun night. You knew you were pushing it when you found some seats next to Steve. When you stopped in front of him your boyfriend groaned in annoyance. Ignoring him you turned to Steve, “These seats taken?”

He shook his head quickly with a small smile on his face. It wasn’t usual for you to come around let alone with your shit head of a boyfriend in tow. He was missing you more than you even knew. He knew he messed up by nearly dropping you for Nancy completely a year ago. This was his karma, and he was taking it.

He shook his head, “Nope.”

“Come on babe, let’s go get some drinks.” He tried tugging at your hand this time, but you just shook your head instead.

“I’m going to stay here and catch up with Steve. I’ll take a drink though when you make it back over.” You gave him a sweet smile though you knew it was no use. He was already pissed, and you surely pissed him off even further by not doing what he wanted. Steve just looked between the two of you before he grumbled something incoherent and walked off.

“He’s a real charmer, that one is.” Steve knew he probably shouldn’t have said that, but he was growing tired of your boyfriends attitude. He didn’t understand how you could put up with it. You were such a light, happy

You gave your friend a soft smile, “He just didn’t feel like coming out tonight. Cut him some slack.” You knew Steve was at his wits end with him. Your family was too. Nobody seemed to like him but you. And you didn’t even really like him all that well. The solution seemed all too clear, but you still didn’t want to give it up just yet. Derek was your first real relationship. The first guy you said ‘I love you’ too even if he wasn’t the first guy you loved.

“You cut him a lot of that, Y/N.” He spoke freely seeing that Derek was still far away at the drinks table. Even though you asked for a drink you had a feeling he wouldn’t make you one. He’d forget or just not do it as some sort of punishment. That wasn’t love. That was manipulation. You felt that all too familiar sinking feeling growing in your stomach as you thought about your situation.

You looked down feeling the weight of his eyes on you, “I know.

He waited a moment seeing the despondent look on your face, “Hey,” He waited to continue until you looked back up to him. When you finally found the courage he continued, “You just deserve so much more than that. Somebody who wants to be with you…”

You shook your head stopping him, “That person doesn’t exist here. So, I’ll just enjoy what I can. Alright?” Your voice snapped at his ever so slightly telling him you were done talking about it.

He knew he shouldn’t have pressed, but you were his very best friend. He cared for you. Wanted the best for you. Loved you so dearly. He hated to see you treated less than how you deserved, “That’s just not true Y/N.”

“Steve.” Your eyes told him to drop it. There was a reason you didn’t tell or show your friends or family about that side of him. It made it pretty obvious how shitty he actually was.

He gave you a quick nod before leaning back in his seat, “Just think about it. Please?” There was a pleading look in his eyes that made you nod in agreement.

“Yeah, I will.”

He stood up from his seat seeing your boyfriend walk back without a drink for you, “I’ll see you around. Remember what I said.” He gave your boyfriend a sharp look before heading to the drink table deciding to get you a drink since your boyfriend had no interest. Steve decided he would show you that somebody did in fact want to treat you right.

The Football Game

You’d messed up and forgot to swap your light jacket for your heavier coat before heading out for the game. It was fine at first, but the temperature was dropping quick. As soon as the sun set behind the bleachers and the Hawking High football game started you began shivering. You tried cozying up to your boyfriend who was none the wiser of your chilly predicament. But he just shrugged you off.

“Babe.” You whined feeling another shiver ripple down your spine. It was getting cold, cold and you were not prepared.

“Shh, Y/N. I told you not to interrupt when they’re playing. I’ve got to watch Josh.” He grumbled pushing you off him. His brother, Josh, was the star wide receiver of the team and he had to watch everything live to report back to his brother. It made you roll your eyes week in and week out. Derek wasn’t good enough to play varsity, but his older brother was. You’d found it a little weird how much he lived through his older brother when it came to football.

Your mouth clamored back and forth, “But I’m cold Der.” It came out whinier than you intended which surely irritated the man further. How dare you inconvenience him when he needed to pay attention.

He sighed, “I told you to put a coat on. Go get a hot chocolate or something.” He didn’t take his eyes off the game and his voice was audibly annoyed with your presence.

“Whatever.” You rolled your eyes in return before heading off to the concession stands. Walking was good. It got your blood flowing. You needed to move to warm up anyway. It’s not like Derek would even throw and arm around you to warm you up.

You were so focused on walking to get your blood flowing you hadn’t even seen that you zoomed right past Steve who decided to follow you out of curiosity. When he saw you shivering and rubbing your hands back and forth to get some heat to them he had enough, “What are you doing out here in just a jacket?” He shrugged off his overly warm coat and handed it to you.

You shook your head in a hurry, “You’ll get cold Steve.”

“I’m fine. You’re not. Take the damn coat.” He shoved it further into your hands not giving you another chance to argue. When you slipped it on the audible sigh that left your mouth made him crack a small smile even though he was awfully worried about you being out in nearly freezing temperatures with a jacket made for the fall.

“Thank you.” You nodded up to him, “I forgot my coat. Derek told me to get a hot chocolate to warm up.” You laughed it off knowing how bad it sounded. Because it was bad. He was terrible. Derek might not have even liked you. Why were you even with him at this point?

Steve’s smile downturned at your comment. He’d made it quite evident how much he didn’t enjoy your boyfriend or his presence, “Some boyfriend he is.” He grumbled knowing it was likely going to set you off. You’d been more than defensive about your relationship. You’d always been like this, but it broke him seeing you so seemingly stuck in a loop. You wanted everything to look perfect, but it wasn’t. But you couldn’t admit it because then you’d have to admit it wasn’t perfect. A loop that he couldn’t pull you out of.

“Steve.” You sighed but knew it was a lost cause, especially because you were wrapped up in his coat. You couldn’t really defend the guy that much anymore. It felt so insulting because the entire relationship seemingly fell apart so quickly, right under your nose. Things were fun in the beginning. The two of you got along well and laughed at a lot of different things. But then it turned sour a few months ago, right after Nancy and Steve broke up. It’s not like anything changed for you. But apparently it did for him. It’s like he was pushing you right into Steve’s arms and you were pretty sure you’d be just fine with that.

He put his hands up in defense, “You know what I’m going to tell you.”

You sighed, “I know. I’m thinking about it. I promise.”

He nodded, “Keep the coat tonight. Drop it off whenever. Take care of yourself okay? Anytime you want to talk I’m all ears. I miss you.”

The floor was suddenly far more interesting than his face. You felt bad that you had in fact been avoiding him like he had you early on in his relationship, “Yeah, I miss you too. I’ll stop by more often. Promise.”

He grinned seeing you look back up to him, “That’s two promises I’m going to hold you too.”

You laughed for the first time that night. Curious it came at the mouth of Steve rather than your boyfriend. Your heart tugged as the two of you joked around like old times without your know-it-all boyfriend there to ruin the moment. You knew the relationship with Derek was doomed when you wanted to follow Steve back to his seat rather than head back to your boyfriend. But you had appearances to keep up. So back to Derek you walked.

Biology Class

“Alright class settle down. Today is the day you’ve all been waiting for. We’ll be dissecting pig hearts!” Your overenthusiastic Biology teacher stood in front of the curious junior class who had a big mix of emotions. Some were thrilled, that was Derek sitting next to you and Steve a row in front of you with his lab partner. Some were not so thrilled, you.

When the teacher set the heart down in front of you, you let out a big breath moving your chair away. Derek just started laughing like a little kid seeing your reaction to the dead pigs heart in front of you. Shooting him daggers you simply covered your mouth and nose with your hand trying your best not to throw up all over the desk in front of you.

When Derek started cutting you thought you might actually puke. The smell alone was starting to send you over the edge, “I don’t think I can do this.” You mumbled scooting even further away. Taking a quick peak around the room you were surprised almost everyone seemed just fine. Seemingly you only had the weak stomach in this class. You didn’t notice Steve’s eyes watching you with caution. He knew you well and knew this would be a unique kind of challenge for you.

“Ahh, grow up would you Y/N?” Derek rolled his eyes before returning to cut away, “Just plug your nose up if it’s that big of a deal.”

You huffed in annoyance at his complete lack of care, “I’m already doing that Derek.” It was sharper than you intended which of course set him off.

“You’re being a baby about it. Grow up.” He snapped back full out ignoring the look on your face. It was becoming harder and harder to fake your happiness. Especially when he treated you like you were nothing but a nuisance to him. Did he even like you? Why did he want to spend time with you if all he did was get annoyed with you? When was the last time you’d genuinely been happy with him? It’d been months. Months since the last time you giggled with him or smiled from a conversation.

You stood from you seat, “I’m getting some air.”

He just continued on, “Suit yourself.”

You stood quickly before letting the teacher know you needed to get some water. You walked to the water fountain down the hall trying your best not to break down right then and there. How did all this happen? How could you have let it all happen so quickly? When did he start to dip out on the relationship? Why wouldn’t he just breakup with you if he was this unhappy?

“Hey,” Steve’s sweet voice pulled you back into the present, “You okay?”

You nodded quickly trying your best to come off as cool as possible, “Yeah, was thirsty.”

He smiled, “It’s just me. You don’t have to lie.”

A frown formed from that. It was just Steve. Why did this all feel so weird and awkward and so far out of your control all the sudden? All you wanted to do was scream and beat on the wall in frustration of how you felt at the state of your life. But you knew better than that. Especially at school.

“I couldn’t take the smell.” You admitted to the boy who cared more to check up on you than the one who supposedly loved you sitting in the classroom. The more you thought of it the more Steve seemed to be the one who cared for you. And you knew he did. But with all that he had done for you and the lack thereof what Derek had made you realize how backwards it all was. You were meant to be with Steve not Derek. Steve cared. Steve loved you. Steve wanted you and put in the effort to be with you. And for some reason you still called Derek your boyfriend.

He grinned, “I knew it. I thought you looked squirrely in there.”

“You were watching?” You asked curiously.

“I’m always watching you.” His grin dropped as he realized how creepy that had sounded, “In a not weird way I promise!”

You laughed at his attempted recovery, “Thanks for checking in Steve.”

“I’m just keeping true to my promises. Speaking of which. How are yours coming along?” His smile grew into a smirk as he knew you were stalling. But that was his job as your best friend to keep pushing. That and he loved you. So, he’d decided it was his time to be selfish. He knew he could treat you better. So much better than that shit head you called a boyfriend.

“I’ve thought about what you said.”

You answer surprised him, “You have? And?”

“You’ll see. Soon.” You gave him a quick nod and smile before leading the two of you back to class. As much as Steve wanted to decipher that with you he knew better than to push too hard. That was more than you’d ever given him, so he was rolling with it for now.

After School The Next Day

You sat down on the bench in front of the High School in utter defeat. He had forgotten you. This truly was the last straw. Derek had promised he’d take you home knowing your car was in the shop this week and he forgot you. Steve was right. He didn’t give a rats ass about you. He only cared about himself. He only cared about you when it was convenient for himself. How had things unraveled so quickly? You couldn’t keep up this charade anymore. Not when he was up and leaving you places now.

When you heard the soft honk of the car in front of you your heart dropped seeing Steve’s car idling there. Fuck. Why him? He’d seen first-hand how shitty Derek had been treating you these last few weeks and this might actually set him off. Slowly, you walked over to his car. You slid into the front seat not daring to look at him. You just knew he was giving you that disappointed Steve look that only came to his face when Derek did something that should have been a red flag for you.

“You alright?” He asked after a moment of silence.

Closing your eyes you leaned back into the seat, “You’re right.”

“What about?” Steve asked as he pulled out of the school parking lot.

“About Derek. The whole thing. I deserve more.” A tear slipped out as you said it out loud for the first time. Sure, you’d thought about it in your head, but it was different spoken out and for Steve to hang onto.

He pulled over onto the side of the road, “Hey, it’s okay. I’m so glad you’ve realized it. He hadn’t been treating you well.” Steve hesitantly reached out and brushed away the stray tear which brought on an entirely new set of waterworks from his lighter than a feather touch.

He let you cry it out in the passenger’s seat of his car not uttering a word until he thought you could actually hear him, “I’m here for you. It’s okay. You’re okay.” He didn’t know his words only made you cry even further for you were mourning a relationship you never had. One where you thought you were in love, but it was just stupid teenage hormones. The one you loved was sitting right here comforting you beyond your wildest imagination.

You hiccupped after a moment of you unexpected breakdown. A wave of embarrassment washed over you as you realized how you had quite literally cried like a baby in front of Steve, “I’m so sorry Stevie.” You whispered breaking out the nickname only he let you use.

“Don’t apologize sweetheart.” He’d never called you that before. Shoot, he’d never really looked at you like this before. He looked at you like how you felt about him. Like he loved you.

“I didn’t mean too… I didn’t…”

He shook his head before pushing up the arm rest separating the two of you. He maneuvered his legs so you could slide over, “Shh, come here. It’s okay. I promise you that. I don’t break my promises, remember?”

You nodded before launching yourself into your best friend arms. You let him wrap you right on up as the car idled with the two of you suctioned together. He squeezed as he held you letting you know that he had no plans or intentions of letting you walk away again.

“Y/N?” He asked after minutes of the two of you just wrapped in the others embrace.

“Yeah?”

He took another second before letting out a long breath, “You remember how I said that somebody wants to treat you better? Somebody out there wants to be that person for you?” He asked with an unusual shakiness in his voice. Uncommon for the usually so confident Steve Harrington.

You hummed just enjoying being wrapped up in his arms. This didn’t happen that often anymore no matter how much you wanted to. You were with Derek. You couldn’t do that. But now? All bets were off, “Yeah, thank you for that.”

He nodded, “I can be that person. I can treat you better. If you’d let me that is.”

You sucked in a breath at his words, “You can?” Was this really happening?

“I can.”

You turned your eyes up to his with a bigger than life smile, “Okay.”

His scared eyes turned hopeful at the simplest of statements, “Okay?”

A quick nod before you turned your head into his chest, “Let’s do it. I love you already so?”

“You do?” His hopeful eyes turned from that of hope to shock right back to those lovey dovey ones he had on you days prior.

“I do.” You grinned feeling better than you had in a long time admitting that to him so freely. It shouldn’t be hard. This was about to be the best thing that you could’ve done for yourself. Who would’ve thought two crappy relationships was all the two of you needed to finally open your eyes to what was right in front of you.

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[hwangism143]

treat you better

synopsis: in which changbin gives you a pick me up, while making you realize your feelings along the way

pairing: non-idol!changbin x fem!reader

genre: fluff, comfort, platonic to something else (?)

warnings: mentions of eating, starvation, fatphobia, self-hate, fatshaming

word count: 1.1k words

requested by: @kayleefriedchicken

now playing: treat you better - shawn mendes

a/n: i'm open to writing a part two, if kaylee and the rest of u want me too!

"when you could be with me instead?"

Society's view of women was so fundamentally that it led women themselves to believe that they were fundamentally flawed.

The obsession this wretched society had with a women's appearance and the amount of hatred they displayed to a woman when she didn't fit the bill was enough to ruin somebody's faith in humanity. Maybe that's why you were so wary of people.

They thought their comments were passable, needed constructive criticism. Hell, they thought their words were encouraging. But in truth, every sentence felt like a deeper stab wound, pushing you to the brink of exhaustion in an effort to just be acceptable.

You rarely made friends. Each time you did, it just took a few weeks for them at most to say something along the lines of the way you look. The distaste, covertly disguised as concern, was so familiar to you that you instantly knew it.

It was the same situation you had to suffer through at the hands of your family for eighteen years.

And so, when you met Changbin for the first time, despite taking an instant liking to him, you kept him at an arm's length. You waited, waited for him to say something and anything about your weight, your face, you skin.

Why? Because Changbin was somebody who genuinely seemed to look past the way you appeared and having never felt that, you constantly thought he was taking advantage of you. But he never was. Over five years of friendship and he was still here, with you.

He took you to the gym and helped you get on top of losing any harmful weight. He introduced you to his friends, as kind to you as he was. (Except maybe Seungmin. Seungmin was a little shit.) But most of all, he was always there, a shoulder to cry on and an ear to talk off.

Whenever you felt like you were posing to be a bother to him, he replied with a quick, "You can always talk to me, I will always be here for you."

That was why you were currently sitting on his apartment sofa, your eyes red and puffy and his full of concern.

Once again, un fucking lucky you, was regarded based on looks, not merit. You were passed over for a promotion you had worked relentlessly a whole year towards in favor of a younger, prettier college fresher.

To make it even better, you had dinner with you loving family. Your mother prodded at you, forbidding you from eating anything more than a morsel which was unfit to fill the stomach of a baby. Your father joked around about how you looked less 'whale-like' from before, but still retained some of it's qualities. Only your sister gave you a reassuring smile, reaching over to squeeze your hand.

It was ironic. Your parents acted as if you invited yourself to dinner, as if it wasn't them begging for you to join them for just one meal.

You were spiraling again.

Maybe not eating would be better.

You weren't obese. You weren't even overweight. Just curvier than the beauty standards that accompanied most women these days. But the world was so fucking dystopian that people were ready to come at you like sharks to chum.

This world was so fucking dystopian that even you were quick to berate yourself.

It had taken a very, very long time for you to finally love the way you looked standing in a mirror. It had taken a long time for you to even face a mirror. And yet, you still poked at the skin the hung loosely on you, pinching yourself until you felt like crying.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

To say that Changbin was worried would be an understatement. He had seen you at your best and worst, and could say with his full chest that he preferred you at your best.

Watching you cry made it feel like his throat was drying up. Making you happy came as naturally as drinking water to him; so you not being happy had severe consequences. The repercussions were deadly, but then again, Changbin was spending a lot of time as of late with Hyunjin.

"My curves are in all the wrong places," you huffed, picking at your skin.

"I am of the humble opinion that wherever your curves are, those places instantly become the right places," Changbin retorted.

He handed you a bowl of ramen and gave you a glare that sent a resounding message of 'eat. or else you will be attacked by tickles.' You bit your lip nervously. Maybe not eating really, truly would help. But you knew that he damn well knew that family dinner meant you were coming home hungry.

Changbin looked at you, his eyes softening. "Everything will feel that's it's not okay but don't forget - you're not alone this time."

You give him a small smile. You would never be alone when you had Changbin. But you wouldn't be free from the demonic voices in your head either.

"I know, it's just-"

"Stop," Changbin interrupted you gruffly, "and eat. And let me speak."

He brought his face level to yours. "You, Y/N L/N, are beautiful. I am so sorry that you have never had anyone to say this to you, but it's true. You're so beautiful that quite frankly, the first time I met you, you took my breath away. So stop making yourself feel inferior because I care for you and I will always be here to tell you that you are an incredible woman."

He turned quickly, as if he had committed some forbidden act. You felt a blush creep up your cheek. The lined between 'just friends' and 'something more' blurred indefinitely. But that was a headache to deal with for another day.

"Changbin?" you said softly.

"Hm?" came his steady response.

"You're very beautiful too," you told him.

A smile slowly stretched across his face, his eyes still trained on the wall in front of you. You were entranced by the way his hair fell into soft curls and the way his eyes sparkled like stars were embedded into them.

You were so lost in his features that you didn't even notice Changbin reach for your ramen and take a bite, munching on it silently.

And so, two beautiful people sat on a couch. One, who slowly came to terms with how she really felt about the person next to her, the way his very presence lighting her up ignited flames that friends don't feel. And the other, who had been in love with her since the first time he saw her.

Changbin decided to ask you out on a date tomorrow.

please reblog and comment if you liked this fic! it means everything to me and I love reading your thoughts <3

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Holy crap! I just passed 1000 followers! 😳

Thank you, thank you! 🤪 I love you all so, so much! 💕

I know I need to get a new story/request posted, and I swear I’m working on it. By the end of this weekend, hopefully. 🤞🏻 Send me ALL the good vibes!!

[spikezonebby]

Hi again, sorry i mess it i hope it is right now ^^, a request for song fics could you with tfp optimus prime with the song Shawn Mendes, Camila Cabello - Señorita with a fem!human!reader, genre to Romance?

Senorita - TFP!Optimus Prime/Fem!Human!Reader

Word count: 1,672

Your first meeting had actually been entirely an accident. Optimus knew some humans had an affinity for vehicles, and you were one of them. Even a Prime can only take so much fawning over his grill, rims, or decals before he gets flustered and ends up blowing his cover.

That set the tone pretty well for how your entire relationship with Optimus was going to go. The other Autobots treated their leader with all the grace and dignity deserved of a Prime, but you never let the great title dictate how you treated Optimus. You weren’t ever afraid to speak your mind or ask questions. You questioned his commands, not to undermine him but to genuinely understand and clarify. 

You seemed to find everything Optimus said fascinating, and when he’d watch you he could see the inner gears of your mind chugging along. Picking apart his words and always seeming to know exactly what was on his mind, even when he himself wasn’t entirely sure. You were the probing sort, someone Ratchet often found meddlesome and too-like Miko, but there was a grace to your inquiries. 

Optimus was, perhaps, somewhat shy to admit that he liked it when you asked about his past. Especially when you would ask about the moments that weren’t so great or grave, like his walk home in the evenings from the Hall of Records or his favorite small pleasures. There was something warm, familiar, even humbling to the idea that your two lives weren’t too different.

You used to work at a bookstore and did its inventory, spending hours organizing piles upon piles of books. He would spend cycles listening and sorting through videos and audio files to archive them in their appropriate places. You’d stop on your way home and get a donut and coffee. He’d occasionally indulge and get himself a slice of chrome-alloy cake.

Optimus did not consider himself a poet, nor any other kind of lyrical savant, but he would describe the closeness he felt to you as… magnetic. He found his gaze drawn to you in the room, your laugh made his spark skip in his chassis, and even the persistent hum of the matrix seemed more at ease around you. 

He wondered if, maybe, you knew what you did to him. It certainly seemed like you knew when you’d come close to him and lay on the lower portion of his chassis, just beneath his windshield. It seemed like you knee when you’d find a quiet moment to rest with him in his seldom-used quarters, your whole tiny body level with his face. For someone who could fit in the palm of his servo, you liked to make your physical presence known and tangible. 

He couldn’t say he minded. In fact, that was a thing that brought quite a bit of distress to the poor Prime’s mind in the moments that should be peaceful. The longer he knew you, the more enthralling the pull became. He found himself wondering if you’d hate it if he curled his servo around you, cupping you between his digits like a treasure. He thinks about the scent of your skin and the warmth of your body, should you finally close the distance between them.

You were human. You were fragile. Leaders weren’t built to have fragile things, but protect them regardless.

But he still wanted you. Enough to forgo the logical sense he had to distance himself and instead, let you keep invading his space and his mind. He couldn’t bring himself to stop this.

Not when you invited yourself into his quarters, shimmied your way up to the space on his berth right beside his neck cables and jaw, and built your own little nest of blankets and pillows there. Not when you had so much faith in him, and talked to him about all of the soft things he thought they’d killed in this war.

“That’s Neocybex, right?” You ask, snuggled up beside his audial as he laid on his back, both of you looking on up at the data pad he had in his servos. He pauses in his scrolling through, balancing the stylus in his grip as he tilts the data pad further for you to read.

“Some of it is. Other parts, like here,” He scrolls down, “Are Primal Vernacular.”

“A different dialect or a different language wholly?”

“Neither. Primal Vernacular was the predecessor of the Neocybex all Cybertronians came to speak in modern times. When I was given the Matrix of Leadership and all of its knowledge, I was also gifted the ability to speak and read this ancient Cybertronian language. I find it easier, sometimes, to take notes in.”

You sit up a little, bracing yourself with a hand on his cheek vent. “So you’re the only one that knows how to speak it?”

“Most likely.” Optimus admits, somewhat sullen, “Even before the war, it was considered a dead language on Cybertron. Transcriptions existed of people speaking the language but as Neocybex became more common, it simply was lost to time.”

You hum, and leaning this close to them, he can feel the way the small sound rumbles up through your chest.

“Teach me. At least a word or two. Something I can remember.”

“You wish to learn Neocybex? I do not know if your organic vocalizer can reproduce the sound.”

“No, no! Primal Vernacular! The letters almost remind me of… Arabic. That’s a human language so, surely I can wrap my head around some of that.”

His spark warms at that, your enthusiasm contagious. It couldn’t hurt to attempt it, it would be a good excuse to brush up on his own pronunciation.

“Ṣdyq,” He begins. “It means ‘friend.’ And if you begin it with Rjl, it becomes ‘brother.’”

“Oh so it has different rules than Earth’s version of Arabic.”

“Yes. It is fascinating, is it not? That humans have taken such an old language and made it their own?”

“Yeah, it’s kind of nice in a way. Makes things feel less…” You fish around in your thoughts for the proper word, then hum. “Lonely. Yeah. So… Rjl… Ṣdyq… means ‘brother.’ How do you say ‘sister,’ then?”

Optimus’ lip plates quirk into the shallow shape of a smile, spark warmed by your botched attempt to match his pronunciation. 

“The translations of the words are different based on their cultural meanings. Cybertronians are very rarely forged with siblings, so ‘brother’ means something closer to ‘ally.’ A feminine version of the word didn’t appear until very late, when femmes started to become more prominent. It was very rarely used though, mostly due to the… intimate implications of the word. I once listened to an interview with a linguist on the matter and he theorized that it was coined initially by Megatronus Prime of the Thirteen, as a term of endearment Solus Prime. It’s ‘Ạmrạ̉ẗ Ṣdyq.’”

Now that has you fascinated.  Optimus often chose his words carefully, using them as a tool for peace and command just as often as he used his own two servos. With you, conversation came easier. Optimus only had a select few people whom he knew and trusted to allow him to talk so easily.

You stood up, keeping one hand against his jaw as you walked around him. He could feel you use him to steady your steps as you hoisted yourself up onto his neck cables. You were so light he hardly felt the pressure at all. Instinctively his servo came down to gently cup behind your back, fearing you might fall off.

“What are you doing?” He asks, but he doesn’t sound irritated. Worried maybe, curious mostly.

“I want to see the way your mouth moves when you say those words.”

It’s an innocent goal, he insists it is. A request to turn on his first level of cooling fans pops up on his HUD view. He almost denies it, then worries that he might grow too warm for you to touch. In the end he does allow them to kick on and wholly misses the way it makes you smirk.

“Come on, boss. Say ‘em.” You coax, resting your folded arms against his chin, “Please?”

Optimus looks down past his nose, examining your face as his fans cycle a little faster. Right, it would be rude to refuse you whatever small teaching aid he could offer. Even if it was unorthodox.

“Ṣdyq.” He says. You lean forward a bit, watching the way his lips move with every sound. “‘Friend.’”

“Uh-huh.”

“Rjl Ṣdyq.” You reach out and trail your tiny fingers across his bottom lip. Optimus loses his train of thought.

“Which means?” You prompt him, feigning forgetfulness.

“Ah, ‘ally.’” He can see the way you bounce a little when he swallows the thick lump forming in the back of his intake.

“Cool, cool.” When had you gotten so close to him? And it didn’t seem like you minded at all as you even used his servo balancing you from behind to boost yourself up and lay across the flat plane of his chin. 

He says your name softly. His data pad is forgotten in favor of clutching onto the tarp and padding on the berth beneath him.

“And what’s the last one?”

“Ạmrạ̉ẗ Ṣdyq,” When had he started to feel so breathless? Like his fans weren’t cycling enough air.

“Mmmhm… I like that one. There’s something about the way you say it. Say it again, please?”

“Ạmrạ̉ẗ Ṣdyq,” He says again, just so he can hear the joy on your voice when you giggle, “Ạmrạ̉ẗ Ṣdyq. And it means– mhm?”

Before he can even finish his statement, your small, warm lips press to his bottom lip, silencing him quicker and easier than even the sound of blaster fire. His servo cups closer behind you and he knows he should stop this, he knows he doesn’t deserve this, but you make it so, so clear you want to give it to him.

And in the end… who was he to deny his Ạmrạ̉ẗ Ṣdyq?

[brairslair]

Hey!! I loved your Peter Parker fic!!

I hope you're taking requests, if yes can you please write harry potter x ravenclaw!reader? Where reader is a muggleborn and loves muggle music, she does this thing where she gives all her friends a song which reminds her of them, even multiple to Hermione (who secretly loves it and listens to those on loop) and ron( who tries to act like he doesn't care but secretly feels loved) but she's never given harry a song, despite him being her best friend. But after one of DA meetings they are alone and harry asks her why doesn't she give him a song (fallin' all in you- Shawn Mendez) and she plays it for him a and that it reminds her of him, AND THEY KISS!!

I'm really sorry if it's too specific, please feel free to change anything! THANK YOU SM!! I LOVE YOUR FICS!!❤️❤️✨

definitely not too specific! i love that you gave me so much to work with, so ty anon! i did switch it up a little bit, but i hope it turned out to your liking!

318 Hours 43 Minutes ˗ˏˋ H.J.P ´ˎ˗

“Be my summer in a winter day, love”

harry potter x ravenclaw!reader

WORD COUNT: 2.3k

REQUESTED: yes requests are open! fandoms: marvel, stranger things, harry potter (any era), scream

WARNINGS: fem reader, not proofread, fluff fluff fluff, muggleborn!reader, reader is described as somewhat of a musical prodigy, modern music, mobile phones, and spotify all exist in this timeline, 7th year, kissing, idiots in love, best friends to lover ig, joking mentions of death, lmk if i missed smth!

A/N: i'm sure there are tons of grammatical errors in here but lets pretend we don't see them!

ALL CHARACTERS IN THIS STORY ARE 18+ remember to like, comment, and reblog to support my writing!

If there was one thing you couldn't live without, it would be music. It was almost impossible to recall a time you had left your dorms without your headphones. Music had just always been a huge part of your life. Growing up, your parents got you into piano lessons, and you were playing Beethoven by the end of the first month. After that, you picked up as many instruments as you could afford, starting with violin, then guitar, the flute, and now the harp. Your parents had to soundproof the house.

Once you got your acceptance into Hogwarts as a witch, your whole world turned upside down. You were sorted into Ravenclaw, which felt very fitting, and were assigned a dormmate, Padme Patil. The two of you clicked immediately and became instant friends. After a few months of hanging out with the Patil sisters, you were introduced to three Gryffindor students in your year; Ronald Weasley, Hermione Granger, and Harry Potter. Instantly, you felt some sort of a connection pulling you to them, but you couldn't put your finger on it.

You started hanging out with "The Golden Trio", as you affectionately called them, all the time, and the four of you eventually became a quartet. You had grown especially close with Harry, and the two of you did almost everything together. Well, everything except study.

After one particular study date with Hermione, you were thrilled to learn that she shared the same love for muggle music as you did. The two of you rambled on and on about your favorites, uncharacteristically losing track of your studies.

"The song Rises the Moon reminds me a lot of you!" You mindlessly exclaimed, watching as Hermione's eyes lit up.

The rest was history. You were known to associate songs with the people around you, and you had no shame in telling them. You had given Hermione, Ron, and the Patil sisters a countless number of songs over the years. In fact, you had given them so many, that a few had made playlists to keep track of all of them. Ron was the most hesitant to accept the recommendations, but Hermione told you she had caught him singing along to them in the common room on multiple occasions.

Every once in a while, you would even see another student studying in the library, maybe one you had only said 'Hello' to in passing, and a song would just scream out to you so loudly that you had to leave them a note about it as you left.

It was like your own personal love language, and you loved being able to make people smile, even if they never listened to the song.

The one person close to you whom you had never given a song to, was the infamous Harry Potter, and it was painfully hard for him to ignore. After almost seven years of being best friends, you would think he would have been worthy of at least one song, right?

He watched as you expertly conjured up the Draught of Peace potion the class was supposed to be working on, smacking Ron's hand away when he goes to touch it. Watching you was the only thing that made this class somewhat bearable.

He can't get it out of his head... the fact that you've never given him a song. He's been thinking about it non-stop since you gave that Hufflepuff boy a song in the dining hall a few days ago.

It wasn't news to him that he had been in love with you since 5th year, probably longer than that before he had even realized, but he would sooner die than admit it out loud.

You were the most important person in the world to him, but he was almost positive you didn't feel the same way. He would never be able to forgive himself if he ruined your friendship. So, he just kept his big mouth shut and pretended like there was nothing there.

He thought he was really good at faking it too. He wasn't.

Anyone with eyes could see the way he looked at you, the way he spoke to you, the way his smile looked ten times brighter when you were around. It was blatantly obvious he had it bad for you.

What wasn't as obvious was that you were just as infatuated with him as he was with you. You may have been much better at hiding it, but anyone close to you could see it clear as day. I mean, it was silly really. The way you were both so stupidly in love and too scared to see it.

Harry snapped to attention as Professor Snape called on him, spitting out to 'straighten his spine and get back to work'. He grumbled something under his breath before following instructions. When he looked back at you, he found your eyes already on him, giggling at the scene he had caused before returning to your schoolwork. He loved hearing your laugh.

As the class ended, Harry gathered his things into his bookbag, slinging it over his shoulder as he straightened his robes. Snape was the first to leave the classroom, followed by a small swarm of students who were anxious to get back to the common rooms for some much-needed free time. Harry looked over to where you and Ron had been sitting, watching you pull out a scrap of parchment with messy little scribbles on it, before sliding it over to the red head.

"I found a new song the other night, and it reminded me so much of you, I just had to write it down before I forgot the title." You smiled, watching Ron look over the writing, thanking you awkwardly as he shoved it into his pocket.

Harry suddenly felt his pockets get lighter.

"I'll be in the library with Hermione tonight. Wants to tutor me for Transfiguration." He said in an annoyed tone, though you knew he was secretly looking forward to it. "You wanna come? Could use all the help I can get."

Harry secretly hoped you would say no.

You packed up all your belongings, making sure not to forget any of your notes, "Yeah, sure! Just have to do a few things first, but I can stop by in a bit." You smiled, the way you always do, as you shoved folders into your bag.

"Alright," Ron nodded, "I'll see you." He said as you waved each other goodbye, Ron heading for the exit. "Oh hey, Harry." He threw out casually as he left the room, calling attention to the boy in the back of the otherwise empty classroom.

You quickly turned around, smiling brightly when you saw him still sitting awkwardly in his seat. "Oh hey, Harry!" You repeated, "You're still here?"

Harry regained common sense then, now realizing he had been staring at you for the past hour, he stood from his seat and walked over to you. "Yeah..." He trailed off dumbly, still in his own thoughts. He head got cloudy as your perfume surrounded him.

He had debated on bringing it up for the past few months, but was to scared of your response. Honestly at this point, he could barely focus on anything BUT asking you about it. He figured that at this point it would be better to just get it over with. Like ripping off a bandaid.

"Hey, uh... Could I ask you something?" His voice cracked.

"Yeah, of course!" You finally slung the bag over your shoulder, giving Harry your full attention. "Ask away."

Your voice sounded sickly sweet, and it somehow made him more nervous. "Alright... Well, uh, I was just wondering-" He felt far too vulnerable to look into your eyes, so instead he looked at your shoulder. He had to clear his throat, "I was wondering why you've never given me a song?" He slurred out, trying to act casual about it while his heart was beating at top speeds.

Your smile immediately dropped, and Harry's stomach fell into his shoes at the sight. Now it was your turn to avoid eye contact, looking down at your feet and chewing on your cheek as you debated a response.

Harry felt like he was about to pass out. His hands grew clammy, and he could hear his heart hammering in his ears. The only times he had ever seen you not smiling were when something really terribly tragic had happened, or when your friends were upset themselves. This had to be a bad sign, right?"

Meanwhile, a million thoughts swirled through your head. You had hoped he hadn't noticed the exclusion, but you knew it was only a matter of time before he brought it up. You felt sick to your stomach. How could you lie your way out of this one? You hated lying, especially to Harry, and you didn't want to hurt him. Could you really risk telling him the truth? What if he freaks out and goes running for the hills and all your years of friendship are ruined?

"You know what, it doesn't matter." Harry brushed off weakly, starting to back away from you, "I don't need to know! It's no big deal, just forget I even said anything-"

"Harry, wait-" you instinctually grabbed his hand, making him freeze. You let go to reach into your bag, Harry cautiously getting closer. His confusion increased when you pulled your phone out, rapidly typing on it to pull something up. When you finally found it, you took a deep breath. Once he saw what you were about to show him, there would be no turning back. Finally, you made yourself turn the phone around so Harry could see the screen.

It was a private playlist titled "For Harold", and the cover photo was a picture that Hermione took of the two of you after a snowball fight last Christmas break. Falling all over each other in laughter, completely covered in snow.

You handed the phone to him, limbs shaking too much to hold it steady. He looked below the title to see the timestamp read 318h 43m.

You felt like your stomach was being tied in knots.

"This is why I've never given you a song." You admitted quietly. His expression was hard to read. Brows furrowed and mouth slightly open in shock. "I just... There were too many that reminded me of you."

Harry still hadn't looked at you or said a word, and you started to feel like you'd bounce right off the floor with how much you were vibrating.

Then he stopped scrolling, staring at the title of one particular song much too long for your liking. Even worse, he pressed play. As soon as the song started, you shrunk down into the desk behind you.

Sunrise, with you on my chest No blinds in the place where I live Daybreak, open your eyes Cause this was only ever meant to be for one night We're changing our minds here Be yours, be mine, dear

You busied yourself by playing with your fingers, looking absolutely anywhere but at Harry.

So close with you on my lips Touch noses, feeling your breath Push your heart and pull away, yeah Be my summer in a winter day, love

You started to feel incredibly antsy, regretting ever showing him the playlist. "We really don't have to listen to the whole thing-"

I can't see one thing wrong Between the both of us Be mine, be mine, yeah Anytime, anytime

You squeezed your eyes shut to try and save yourself from some embarrassment, but when you opened them, you found Harry looking at you with the biggest smile you'd ever seen in your life. Your belly flipped.

You are bringing out a different kind of me There's no safety net that's underneath, I'm free Fallin' all in you Fell for men who weren't how they appear, yeah Trapped up on a tightrope now we're here, we're free Fallin' all in you

Harry was beaming, putting the phone down on the desk beside him. He slowly made his way closer to you, and no matter how badly you wanted to look away from him, you couldn't.

He was now so close to you that you could feel his breath fan across your lips, and the song faded in the background as your heart pounded. "Is this how you really feel? About me?" He asked as his cheeks turned pink, and you couldn't help but find the silly question endearing.

You nodded your head, deciding that your voice would give out if you tried to speak right now. The eye contact was almost unbearable, and you broke it with a quick glance down to his lips.

The second you did, his lips were immediately on yours, pressing hard into you. You gasped against his lips in shock. You felt like your whole body was on fire.

He pulled away too soon, mumbling a boyish "Sorry about that-", before you chased his lips and pulled them back down to yours, muffling the rest of his apology. This time it lasted.

Your lips felt like they were home against his, moving slow and sweet, like you had all the time in the world. You sighed happily into the kiss, pouring the years of pent-up feelings out for each other. His lips tasted like pumpkin, and butterbeer, and the sweet vanilla chapstick you gave him. It made you giggle a little against his lips.

You melted as he mindlessly cornered you against the desk, his hands gently holding your face like you were made of glass. You wrapped your arms around his neck to ground yourself. His lips curled up into a smile against yours, and you involuntarily matched the expression. It all felt so... right. Like all of the pieces were finally falling into place.

Unfortunately, you both need oxygen, so you were forced to pull away. He rested his forehead against yours, as you share the air between you. You pulled him impossibly closer, nudging his nose with yours, both knowing you felt just as lovesick for each other.

Then your phone dinged. Harry looked down at the message from Ron, reading "Hey, you still coming tonight?"

He picked it up to respond, "Can't, sorry!" before flipping it over carelessly, both of you giggling as he pulled you back for another kiss.

i had so much fun writing thissss ugh this was such a sweet prompt. tysm anon!

[agaypanic]

hii ! can i request francis wilkerson (mitm) x fem!reader smut whos really shy with intimacy and francis just guides the reader gently with fluff aftercare?

Lights On (Francis Wilkerson X Reader Smut)

Masterlist

Request Something!

Summary: You’re not used to being intimate, so Francis makes sure your first time with him is extra special.

A/N: inspired by lights on by shawn mendes teehee i feel like this could be better but whatever

CW: p in v sex, loss of virginity, praise kink, dirty talk, mutual masturbation/exhibitionism/voyeurism, soft dom!Francis maybe ??, kinda talks you through it

***

You weren’t used to being so close to someone. At least not physically. Yes, you had your fair share of partners, but you had never gotten that far with any of them. The lack of action eventually drove them all away, leaving you heartbroken.

Francis was different, though. You thought that after so much time together, he’d be annoyed that you hadn’t had sex with him yet. But he was nothing but kind and understanding, never pushing you or trying to guilt you into anything. When you were finally ready, you knew Francis would make it all worth it.

“Hey, Francis?” You called out to him as you made the bed. The two of you had been living and working at the Grotto for a few months now, and it was absolute bliss.

“Yeah, babe?” He responded, coming out of the bathroom. 

“What’s on your schedule today?” You asked your boyfriend as he fluffed and repositioned your pillows. He let out a puff of air as he thought.

“Not much. I think a few horse rides and taking care of the stables, and then Otto let me have the rest of the night off.” Francis walked around the bed to get to you, resting his hands on your hips. “Why? Did you wanna do something?” He asked as you wrapped your arms around his shoulders.

“I have the night off too, so I was thinking maybe we’d get some dinner from the restaurant and have a night in. What do you think?” You tilted your head to the side at the end of your question, and watched Francis grin down at you.

“I think that sounds perfect.” He responded, kissing your lips. “I can’t wait.”

***

You had been thinking about tonight’s possible events all day. You were a bit surprised you got any work done. You were trying to decide on a good way to tell Francis that you were ready. Of course, you could just come out and say that you wanted to have sex with him. But being so blatant seemed a bit nerve-wracking.

When you got back to your room, you kicked off your shoes and went to the bathroom mirror. The labors of your workday were evident; your clothes were somewhat ruffled and dirty, and your hair was a bit messy. So you decided to take a shower and freshen up, the warm water relaxing the dull ache in your muscles and putting your mind at ease.

“Y/n?” You heard Francis call out as you stepped out of the shower. “I’m home!”

“Just a second!” You shouted through the door. You patted yourself dry, putting on a loose shirt, which was probably Francis’s, and underwear before stepping out of the bathroom.

You watched Francis empty a bag, placing the different takeout boxes from the Grotto restaurant on the table. Hearing you walk in, he looked up, and a smile immediately graced his lips.

“Hey, cutie.” He said, closing the small gap between you and putting a hand on your hip. “How was your day?” He asked after giving you a kiss.

“Better now that you’re here.” You responded, resting your hands on Francis’ shoulders. “I see you brought dinner.”

“Yeah, I was helping set up the tables for dinner, so I figured I’d grab our food when I was done.” 

Francis gently pulled you to the table, pulling a chair out for you. When you sat down, he took the chair next to you and opened the boxes, helping serve you first.

Dinner was filled with delicious food and light conversation. You were grateful when Francis started on a long story about something that had happened during one of his horse rides today, because it distracted you from the nervousness you had felt throughout the day. There was something about Francis that just washed away whatever nagged at you, making you calm and content.

When you were finished eating, the two of you cleared the table. You flopped down on the bed and stretched your limbs.

“So, what do you wanna do?” He asked, looking at you curiously before sitting on the bed next to you.

Now was your chance. You sat up slightly, leaning on your elbows as you looked up at Francis.

“Well…” You started, turning to lay on your side and rest your head in your hand. “I had an idea or two.”

“Oh, yeah?” Francis mirrored your position. “Such as?”

“I…” You suddenly became distracted by Francis’ lips and how close his body was to yours. You pressed your legs together, which didn’t go unnoticed by your boyfriend. He arched an eyebrow, urging you to continue. “We could have sex.”

Francis stared at you briefly, processing what you had just said. He bit his lip, scooting a bit closer to you.

“Are you sure?” He asked, and your heart melted at the fact that he wanted you to be a hundred percent confident in your decision. You nodded. “Are you sure you’re ready? Because we don’t have to.”

“I want to.” You said with finality. “I’m ready. Unless you don’t wanna have sex. I mean, in that case, obviously, we don’t have to, but I’ve been thinking about it for a long time an-”

You were glad that Francis cut off your rambling by wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you into a deep kiss. You moaned into it, letting him guide your body to rest against the pillows on your bed before hovering over you. The hand that didn’t hold him up started to slip under the hem of your shirt.

“Is this okay?” He asked against your lips, and you nodded furiously. But that wasn’t enough for him. “Want you to say it, honey.”

“It’s okay.” You responded immediately in a whine. “More than okay.”

Now having a satisfactory answer, Francis’ hand left feather-light touches on your skin as it went along your side and up to cup one of your boobs. He started tweaking your nipple, and he swallowed the whiny moan you had let out.

“You like that, baby?” Francis asked, his lips leaving yours to kiss down the column of your neck.

“Uh-huh.”

“Want me to take this off?” He asked, toying with the hem of your shirt. You nodded and sat up, helping him tug the article of clothing off and over your head. Now almost entirely bare, Francis stared at you with hunger. “God.” He breathed out, diving in to kiss and grope at your chest, which you happily welcomed. “You’re so pretty, baby.”

Francis has said this to you before. Not a day went by without him complimenting you in some way. But the way he had said it now, voice deep with lust, left you wet and aching. You tried to close your legs together to soothe some of your neediness, but Francis noticed your reaction and smirked up at you.

“You like it when I call you pretty?” He cooed, and you nodded. He grinned, kissing your tits before trailing slowly down your stomach. “I’ll bet you’ll look even prettier when you’re stuffed full with my cock.”

“Francis.” You moaned. You grabbed his shirt, tugging at the fabric. “Can you take it off?”

“Of course, baby.” He uttered softly before kissing your lips and sitting up on the balls of his feet. As he fiddled with the buttons of his shirt, he looked at you, eyes lighting up with a mischievous glint. This meant he had an idea, and you were beyond curious about what it was. “You know what you can do while you wait?”

“What?” 

“You can touch yourself.” The casual tone in Francis’ voice made your breath hitch. “Wanna know how to make you feel good. You can do that, right? Be a good girl and get yourself off for me?”

You squirmed at the ‘good girl’ title, desperately wanting to hear more of that. Hesitantly, one of your hands drifted down your body to your aching core. You wished it was Francis’ hand instead of yours, but yours would do for now.

“You don’t have to be shy, honey,” Francis said reassuringly, pressing a kiss to your knee as he tugged off his button-up and belt, leaving him in jeans and an undershirt. “You can do it.”

Francis’ words gave you the push you needed to pull the seat of your panties to the side and graze over your clit. Begging for stimulation, the delicate touch made you twitch and sigh. Francis’ watchful eyes didn’t help with your heavy arousal.

As Francis got off the bed to tug off his pants, two of your fingers gathered your wetness, spreading it up to your clit before plunging into your pussy. You sighed in relief as you started to finger yourself, movements speeding up to a rhythm that made you writhe around on the bed and throw your head back in pleasure. 

Francis’ cock hardened at the sight of you, making him groan. Standing in his boxers, he started palming himself while watching your movements. It was like he was studying you, memorizing the pace of your fingers thrusting in and out of yourself and how you rubbed at your clit with your other hand.

Eventually, your movements started to falter, your hand growing tired of the fast motions. Hearing a whimper fall from your lips from the lack of stimulation you needed, Francis crawled onto the bed.

“Need help, baby?” He asked.

“Please.” You mewled, letting Francis grab your wrists and pull your hands away from between your thighs.

Francis’ finger prodded at your entrance, slowly entering you to get you used to his touch. You groaned, moving your hips to try to quicken his pace. Getting the message, Francis started fingering you at the same pace that you had previously, soon adding a second finger.

When his thumb began rubbing at your clit, you jolted.

“Oh, Francis.” You moaned, the coil in your stomach quickly tightening. “Francis, I’m- I’m gonna…”

“Come on, pretty girl, you can do it.” Francis coaxed, gaze constantly switching between your legs and your face. “Come for me, Y/n. Come on my fingers.”

As if those were the magic words, you snapped. Your orgasm overcame you, and you groaned and babbled as your legs shook from the immense pleasure. Francis kept up his pace to ride you through your climax. When you came down, he slowed to a stop, removing his fingers and licking up your arousal until his fingers were clean.

“Was that okay?” He asked, staring at you with a serious look. The question made you giggle.

“More than okay.” You replied. 

“Are you sure you still wanna-”

“Yes.” You interrupted. “Please, Francis. I want you so bad.”

Francis took a deep breath, thoroughly aroused by your begging. He reached over to his bedside table, opening the drawer to pull out a condom from a pack that he had bought so he’d be prepared if you ever decided you were ready. Opening the foil wrapper, he shoved off his boxers, and you watched his dick spring up, finally free from its confinements. You gulped when looking at the size of him, but still kicked off your panties with eagerness.

Once the condom was rolled on, Francis settled between your legs and looked up at you.

“I’ll go slow. If you need me to stop, just tell me.” You nodded, and he raised his eyebrows, clearly wanting a verbal answer. “Okay?”

“Okay.”

Grabbing himself, Francis swept the tip through your folds to gather your wetness and spread it with his hand before pressing to your entrance. With one final look for confirmation, Francis slowly pushed in, his free hand grabbing yours.

You inhaled sharply. The feeling was a bit strange; filling and pleasurable, but with a slight sting of pain. But you didn’t want Francis to stop. 

When he buried himself to the hilt, he stopped, wanting you to adjust to him. He planted constant kisses on any skin he could reach, mumbling praises to you that made you wetter.

“Francis.” You said, and he lifted his head from your shoulder to look at you. “Move, please.”

Slowly, Francis pulled out until just the tip was in. Then he started thrusting in and out of you at a light pace, eyeing your expressions to make sure you weren’t feeling anything other than pleasure.

“Faster.” You whined, arching your back as Francis quickened his pace. 

“Doing so good for me, baby.” Francis groaned, nipping at your chest. Your hands flew to his hair, gripping at the nape of his neck to try to ground yourself. “Such a good girl.”

You moaned loudly, hoping that any neighbors or people passing by couldn’t hear you. But then again, if they did, you wouldn’t care. You were too wrapped up in the feeling of Francis filling you to the brim, making you feel things you’d never felt with another person.

“You look so pretty.” He mumbled, watching his cock disappear inside of you and feeling you flutter around him at the compliment. “Feel so good.”

“Feels so good, Francis.” You groaned. A hand went down to rub at your clit, and Francis knew that you were close. He gently removed your hand to replace it with his own.

“Come when you’re ready, Y/n.” He said, free hand gripping your thigh. 

Once again, the pleasure swirled inside of you until you couldn’t take it anymore and snapped. You let out a guttural moan, this orgasm more powerful and overwhelming than the last. Your pussy squeezed Francis’ cock tightly, and soon enough, he came as well, spilling into the condom.

When Francis stopped his thrusting and laid on top of you, the room was filled with heavy pants as the two of you caught your breath. 

“You did so good, baby.” Francis praised you, pressing a few quick kisses to your cheeks before kissing you on the lips. “How was it?”

“Perfect.” You muttered with a blissed-out smile, clearly exhausted. 

“I’m glad.” Francis grinned, lifting himself off of you. 

He pulled out of you, making you pout at the sudden lack of fullness. He went into the bathroom, soon coming back with a damp washcloth. Gently, he wiped you clean, pressing a kiss to each of your knees. Then he threw the cloth into the hamper, going to the dresser to grab clothes for the both of you.

Now dressed in another one of his shirts and some shorts, you curled into him as he lay on the bed next to you. 

“I love you, Y/n.” He whispered into your hair, stroking your back.

“I love you too, Francis.” You replied softly, soon dozing off.

***

Malcolm in the Middle Taglist: @rattilol

[mendesblurb]

Happy Canada Day Rai!

May I request a blurb where reader x shawn watch the sunrise together ♥️

Sunrise

Shawn Mendes x female reader

Word Count: ~275

Warning ⚠️: fluff,maybe grammar error and maybe some punctuation errors.

A/N: I didn’t really edit this, I’m so sorry anon, it took me forever to finish this too and also sorry that it’s short 🥺

You sat down on the cozy blanket as Shawn sat behind you with his arms and legs draped around you, holding you close,” It’s nice here,” He sighed, shaping the words against your skin, and his breath felt hot on your neck.

“Mhmm,” You hummed, cradling yourself more to him.

Together you enjoy the sight of the sun rising as it casts an orange reflection on the water. At the same time, Shawn would occasionally nuzzle his head against your neck and gently kiss along the exposed skin in his reach while trailing along the backside of your ear and leaning down to your shoulder to drag his lips along it gently.

This time you and Shawn were very determined to actually watch the sunrise and not fall asleep like the last time.

You let yourself soak in his kisses and the beauty around you for a moment longer, just watching as the light painted the sky a brand new color before turning to him, “I have a wild idea.”

He sighed, already knowing what you mean and starts shaking his head at the thought of it, “Oh no,no, No!”

“Cmon...,Please!” You pleaded as you stood up, choosing to still slip your dress straps off your shoulders and letting them slide down and pool around your ankles.

“Y/N...” He muttered, looking around him to see if anyone was nearby.

“Baby, relax; we’re in the middle of nowhere,” You drag him closer to the water, “No one will see us,” You grin widely again before silencing his further protests with a kiss on his lips, “I promise that.”

Shawn let himself melt into the kiss before agreeing to strip out of his clothes and join you for a swim.

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Thank you for reading guys... feel free to like, reblog, follow my account, leave a comment and my chat is always open for random chats or requests... appreciate every single one of you... ❤️

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Story Code: 06122345