#shanks is crying in the background right now

[beanghostprincess]

Canon and logic be dammed.

I just like the idea of Uta hearing Buggy making his own town (just as the Cross Guild was forming) and as soon she finished her tour, she headed straight to Karai Bari to spend some quality time with Momma Buggy.

Like picture if you will, Buuge's getting the usual treatment in a Cross Guild 'meeting', and a shy knock comes in. A lowly follow tasked to say that there's a visitor requesting the Chairman.

'Who?' A certain lizard and bird ask, 'a by the name of Miss Uta.'

And suddenly Buggy just pops up from the floor, miraculously healed, a sparkly (dare I say, flashy) look in his eyes, "Uta?? Red and white hair? Bunny loops, prettiest purple eyes???"

As soon as the subordinate nodded, Buggy was out the door! Practically flying to the docks.

Crocodile and Mihawk got up and followed the path (grumbling all the way, cuz who the hell is this? Taking away their clowns' attention and making him this damn happy??) Cut to see Buggy swinging the young lady around, elated to have her in his arms. All the while she hugging the stuffing out of the clown and giving him cheek kisses.

'Just who in the hell is this? And who does this little-'

"Momma!" The girl shouted with joy. "I missed you so much!!"

...... huh???

"I missed you too, sweetie!" Buggy grinned ear to ear as he nuzzled his nose atop Uta's head. And he just started to babble about all the things a mother would say

'What are you doing here?/ Have you been eating well?/ look at you! So flashy and cute! Was the trip over here okay? No troubles?' etc.

All of which just turned to white noise to Crocodile and Mihawk as they watched from the sides, both clearly surprised.

And then they picked up the talk from the people around them;

'Is that the famous Uta? Why is she here?'

'Wasn't she supposed to be on a concert tour?'

'Did the captain called her Bunny?'

'Forget that, did she just called Mister Buggy, Mommy??'

I just want Crocodile and Mihawk just shocked to hear that Buggy had a child and find it funny that she's more successful and competent than her 'mother's.

And maybe a bit jealous that Buggy spends 100% of his attention to her all day (the entire trip even).

THIS IS SO CUTE I'M SOBBING-- Uta and Buggy are so so so so sweet together. They make me go insane.

Nobody has ever seen Buggy so... Happy... And optimistic.... And genuinely caring and loving somebody this much. Like it's surprising how much Buggy changes around Uta. That's his little girl!!! Seriously. Buggy calls her his little girl, his little Bunny or whatever and she's all like "I'm older now!!! Stop saying that!!!" and he just hears a sweet little voice because that's still his little girl no matter what.

I want her to stay with them for a while and she is of course so polite and sweet to Crocodile and Mihawk because she is a star and knows how to handle social situations. But damn, she is scary when she sort of threatens them to never hurt her mom ever again. They won't listen to her but at least they won't do anything while she's here because... There's nothing scarier than a teenage idol.

They have girl nights together with Alvida, too!!! And nobody is ever allowed to mention Shanks because if they do, Uta ends up getting incredibly mad or having a breakdown and nobody needs a mentally unstable teenage girl with daddy issues to be angry. Buggy manages to calm her down every time, somehow, it's incredible.

Buggy does her hair and she sings for all of them! They make this huge party to celebrate she is here and I just know a lot of them are her fans, so she would have such a great time too!!! Buuut at the end of the day it's always just Buggy and her and Uta singing lullabies for both of them only under a starry night. I am. So not normal about them. I am not okay.

I don't want to make this about Shanks but they have to have a conversation like:

Buggy: Do you miss him? Uta: No! How could I??!?! I hate him. Buggy: You know, it is okay to miss you father- Uta: He's not-- Not anymore. Buggy: Whatever you say, kid. Uta: Besides, I like you better. Buggy: Pffft. Of course you do! Thought I-- Thought I was your mom, though? Uta: You can be both. As far as I know, both titles are free if you want them. Buggy: As if somebody other than me could match your flashiness, Bunny.

But!!!!! Crocodile and Mihawk??? Jealous of Uta???? Because Buggy spends all of the time with her??? That is amazing. And I also like to think Buggy becomes more competent and bossy when he's with Uta because if there's something scarier than a teenage idol is her parent. And Buggy would do anything for her. So he's extremely protective and also even a better leader now that he has to take care of her. While Mihawk and Crocodile are all like "????? Why the fuck did he not act like this before" and also "Why the fuck has he not talked to us all week ???". Because as long as Uta is near, Buggy doesn't fear them and he doesn't need to talk to them every day. And that bothers them soooooo much.

It'd be funny to see Uta getting along with Mihawk and Crocodile in the end. You all know (because I've talked about it) I just love Uta actually joining them and being the diva of the group. She's extremely protected and loved there!! Also please, add Perona there too because they're,,, Girlfriends,,, And they should meet,,, And be Cross Guild's princesses together,,,

[count-alucard-tepes]

*squealing* omg please 🥺 please bless us Buggy-sama lovers with a part two to his fluff?

ALL HAIL the MASTER of BUGGY-SAMA FANFIC!!!

-🍁 anon

PS I love part 1

Buggy-Sama

A blind date part 2

Part 1

After several successful dates with Y/N, Buggy found himself hopelessly in love and of course wanted his beloved to share his home with him so that he could see them more often and spend even more quality time with them.

The question on his mind was: How would he ask them?

He had never lived with someone he was in a relationship with, being a pirate, he had to make sure he trusted the person completely before he committed to such a huge step in the relationship.

He needed someone to talk to and who better than a stupid Yonko.

“Hey, Shanks…I need some advice”, Buggy said through his DDM.

Shanks chuckled, “…the great Buggy-sama has called me for advice…I’m honored”.

“…you know…I knew this was a bad idea!”, he said before almost cutting the call.

“No, no! Tell me what’s on!”, Shanks said before the call could get cut.

Buggy huffed, “…it’s about Y/N…I want them to move in…I just don’t know how to ask”.

“…just ask them! Since when have you ever been shy?”, Shanks laughed as the DDM was taken from him.

“…the captain has had way too much to drink…and also he never had a proper relationship to actually be qualified to give you advice so I will instead”, Benn said as Shanks was heard laughing in the background.

“…you know he’s the worst, right? Hmm…alright I’m listening “, Buggy said as he took down some notes from the lady-magnet Benn Beckman.

It wouldn’t be long when Y/N would arrive for a romantic evening with Buggy, “…candlelit…yummy food…red wine…you really went all out tonight”, they said teasingly as they cuddled close into their beloved Buggy.

He blushed and gave them a kiss on the forehead, “…of course…I wanted to make tonight extra special”, he said gently as he pulled out a chair for them to take a seat.

“…you’re the sweetest…”, they said as they took a seat and began eating happily.

“…so there is something I wanted to ask…I’ve been thinking about it for a while now and…I’d like you to move in with me”, he said hesitantly as he played with his utensils.

His beloved was surprised by this, “…wow…you’re so nervous! I thought you were going to ask me to marry you”, they said with a teasing smile.

Buggy blushed brightly, “…I mean…I wouldn’t mind that too but I…I wanted us to start with steps that you would be comfortable with “.

Y/N was the one blushing now, “…oh Buggy…you mean it?”.

Buggy nodded quickly and went to their side before holding them close to him, “…move in with me and consider marrying me?”.

Y/N nodded and smiled happily, “…yes! Of course I will!!!”.

At this point, Buggy was already crying his eyes out! He was just to happy after such a long time! He finally found someone who was made for him and he didn’t want them to leave.

He held Y/N and buried his face into their chest as they comforted him. It was the best evening ever!

[vvienna03]

Mishanks

An idea I posted on twitter <Irissvv> I wanna share it here too so…. Okay…This is my fantasy abt mishanks of this… canon divergent au? 

: this takes place in the canon after Luffy becomes pirate king where he beats Shanks,I imagine Zoro and Mihawk duel later. Mishanks reunited,figuring out abt settling down together on red force.

: and Shanks starting to thinks abt what he really WANTS to be with his life with Mihawk, them being domestic-which they can do it now-his desire to make a family. Shanks is totally satisfies how his life is going n he can still just fantasizing abt his breeding kick right?

:well so, one hot night happened n everything peaceful n all until the symptoms starts like Mihawk’s mood swings but that’s still not new- being around shanks for long term time. And morning sickness where he throw up in the dining hall?on red force where they’re having breakfast

:this goes on with Shanks worrying n but still just hovering around then Mihawk pass out and founding out the pregnancy -shocking the red haired pirates like -CAPTAIN KNOCKS UP HAWKEYES!!?- okay so I imagine how he do it is smth that have to do with his celestial dragon blood like➡️

:➡️Shanks blood has a curse or smth abt securing the bloodline no matter what.<shanks origin is so mysterious and interesting I have to do something with it> But also a lil angst because Mihawk’s not suppose to be able to carry a child so that’s his body-oragans changing into a womb can drains out his haki connecting his soul and —

—so haki making a womb but also the child’s life is forming from its mother’s soul which threaten Mihawk’s life.Shanks feeling guilty abt it but Mihawk telling to stop because he wants their baby too of course— ( I can’t do the characterization😭) but my Mishanks is soft bec I’M SOFT

: And Mihawk’s suffering from the pregnancy, he becomes so weak, his body’s thin, cheeks hollow, dark circles under his eyes, having to spent most of his days in bed -breaking Shanks heart and Shanks and his crew set out to find a solution that can make both the baby and Mihawk survive.

:I’m also imagine along the way Zoro coming to red force with perona-he tells his crew to wait while he challenges Hawkeyes by himself they respect it ofc-to navigate him and when he gets there to the news that he couldn’t believe even seeing it in front of his eyes—

:Zoro and perona can’t believe what’s they’re seeing -Hawkeyes is PREGNANT!?- and with Zoro’s protectiveness he goes lurching towards Shanks with his swords until Mihawk stops them ( I love goth family❤️🤧)

:and for the drama -the organization that are still loyal towards world government after their fall because of Luffy n Shanks hears abt Mihawk n the baby and wants to get their hands on them to revenge -nearly got Mihawk (My brain can’t think more🥲)then gets swing by yoru n going into—

:—Labor in the middle of the battle which ends up and giving birth with Shanks beside him. The baby is born but Mihawk stops breathing, the baby’s crying in the background, there’s no solution abt making both of them to survive and Shanks-he’s between the emotions

:—Shanks is torn between happiness for his newborn and devastation of losing the love of this life, crying out Mihawk’s name holding and rocking his body near his chest,face in the curve of his neck…Then the body shaken up,short breaths and Shanks took his face off of the neck—

to see his lover’s golden eyes.

( Because as much as I hate hurting them ,angst/hurt make them and their bond and love stronger eternally. Also I can’t handles sad endings, it’s fine how painful the stories may be —the endings I can’t handle🤧😭 I’m soft and sensitive.🥹)

Oh I forgot to mention why Mihawk stop breathing ,his heart stopping… well his haki and soul make his body to be able to carry a baby so when the baby is born his body is like shuts down, recondition and transform back into his old body which took a few moments.

[nehswritesstuffs]

excuse me but i’m just gonna cry about op ch 1076 under the cut, because one of the great things about One Piece is that, as you go on, you really truly get a sense of other things happening in the world outside of the narrative and then it leads to things like this

is it s-mingo, s-croc, and s-gecko going rogue? with prior instruction via an elder? or a vegapunk? is it an alber-clone going berserk? is it another lunarian entirely? a shandian? pls let wyper be ok. would any potential clones for weevil, buggy, teach, and law be advanced enough to be in combat, let alone do anything else? is there a way to negate the authority chip technology? vegapunk stella transport mission turns into hauling seven vegapunks, stussy, and varying large clone-beings to safety let’s goooooo

still thinking about how these fits are absolutely wonderful despite the fact we need more of the women in pants but whatever this is japan and oda we’re talking about

shanks apparently makes wooing barmaids with his charm and getting small children upset over barring them from coming along on his adventures SUCH A HABIT how many times has this happened other than to Makino and Luffy and now this giantess and Vicky the Viking smh.

oiimo and kaashi T_T dorry and broggy T__T

how many more long-time characters we gonna see next? iceburg? paulie?

was it beckmann who sliced off kidd’s arm that’s what the translation i read made it sound like bc damn

Art-wise, I think it’s really interesting how Shanks’s hair is screentoned while Kidd’s hair is not, despite them both being about the same shade of red. Huh.

Did Oda foreshadow Shanks and Co being on Elbaf with the design of their ship’s prow in Romance Dawn or do I just have a severe case of the paranoids bc that’s what this man has done to his fan base

shanks and beckmann got the bitches though... as is right and correct

now where is jaygarcia saturn pls tell me he gets there two minutes too late; he then has to report to carlosantana neptune and jimihendrix jupiter while tonyimmoni pluto and genesimmons uranus are in the background trying to distract im omg what is this i would scream

where’s my cross guild update you bet i need it in my very soul

[minawakitten]

Polnareff's sleeping big brother instincts AWAKEN upon finding Kakyoin in such a messy and distressed state. Kakyoin is torn between not wanting to be seen, wanting comfort and trying to get Polnareff to fuck off because, Goddamn it, why, of all people to catch him crying and hyperventilating, it's him. It fails.

Polnareff has no idea what the hell is going on or what upset Kakyoin ( he assumes DIO, which is a reasonable assumption, Kakyoin was (( and still is )) a child when DIO forcefully took him under his wing, those months in Egypt before he was sent back to Japan were probably Hell ) but he's doing everything to comfort him, much like he did for his sister when she was still alive.

Kakyoin hates it. ( he genuinely appreciates it. )

Joseph, on the other hand, is quick to note his grandson is missing and starts searching without even waiting for the possibility of him returning to the hotel. As the search drags on, the question of what possibly could have happened really stands out to him, along with how Kakyoin repeatedly showed interest in the accident.

Kakyoin is usually fine giving people their space and not pry into secrets, much like how they haven't with his own background, but something about the incident has him curious. No. It's more than curious. There was an underlying desperation. But why? Why would Kakyoin be so desperate to know what exactly happened in the incident? And thinking back on it, Holly spoke very familiarly with Kakyoin, of course Holly is a very open and friendly person but it wasnt the same, it was like . . . like she met him before.

And with that train of thought, a dusty memory attaches to it.

Holly was excited, as always when it came to her precious son, but more so this year, when he called to confirm he received a copy of Jotaro's class photo himself. She happily gushed about a certain child in the picture. A little boy with red hair. Her son's first friend. A boy he heroically saved from some bullies and carried back to the Kujo family home, where she bandaged him up and served him some snacks.

A sweet but shy boy with such an imagination about his little green friend -- Tenmei-kun!

She never uttered a word about the boy's surname but, a boy with red hair in Japan is not common. It really isnt. God. If only he recalled that stray memory sooner, perhaps this could have been avoided.

With the help of his Stand, Joseph is able to locate his grandson soon enough, and Jotaro is fucking going to town on some local punks, hes clearly been shanked a few times [ hes too high on adrenaline and emotions to really feel that shit right now ], hes just been trying so hard to beat his emotions out and hes still at it after the guys are down. It's always worked before, so why isn't now?

Joseph forcefully removes Jotaro from this scene, and thankfully before cops arrive, but Joseph notices how Jotaro's knuckles are bruised and bloody and his gaze is unfocused as he inspects his grandson for any other injuries or anything serious. Jotaro cant think. He doesnt want to think.

[ If he thinks, he'll see Kakyoin's crying face, be reminded of how he abandoned him back in the hotel room or the very fact he had someone he cared for and someone that cared for him and the destruction of that childhood hurts him.

This is Also Jotaro refusing to look directly at the writing on the wall that tells him that DIO knew this shit too. Because of course he would. Of course he would make Kakyoin spill his life story for his entertainment and when he mentioned meeting Jotaro as a kid, of course he would take advantage of this information. He doesnt want to think about the thought he went to fuckign town and beat up his own childhood friend bloody without a second thought.

He just. Doesnt Want to Think At All. ]

hello, its me again, the self insert bastard

i have SO MANY thoughts about Jotaro and Kakyoin being childhood friends, it's only for a short time because Kakyoin's dad's job causes him to move around a lot; but they reunite in middle school only for Kakyoin to move away a month later AND THEN, Jotaro gets in an accident where he hits his head and forgets, along with him starting to show an aggressive nature [ due to said injury ] + combined with the harassment he faced because of Japan's xenophobia and then people suddenly wanting to be all over him one the Joestar Genes (tm) kick in

Which leads to DIO trying to take advantage of this bond between the two by sending Kakyoin after Jotaro in some sick mind game and Kakyoin expecting Jotaro to falter in their battle only for Jotaro to not have a single goddamn memory about Kakyoin and beating him stupid.

Which ALSO adds a layer to the scene where Jotaro pulls the fleshbud from Kakyoin's head and Kakyoin being near in tears as he cant understand why Jotaro saved him after very clearly not recognizing him and Jotaro is just, idk bro [ deep down his soul is like I GOTTA ]

theres like so many MORE layer to this when the self insert universe lore comes into play but i dont want to barf it up all at once because i want this to slap people in the face when its revealed in full [ when i can finally write this, i gotta finish the current project im on before diving into more ]

my brain is full of thoughts

*crashes through the wall* HEY I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND BUT FOR SOME REASON THIS SMACKED ME UP THE HEAD WITH BRAINROT SO PREPARE YOURSELF FOR EVEN MORE ADDED IN WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT-

so what if I just. what if I

*bonks Jotaro with more amnesia*

what if in the accident you mentioned Jotaro couldn't remember anything. Like, brain blank, had to relearn a lot of basic skills and is having to essentially start living life again from scratch

Holly is of course a god send through it all. She never expects anything from him even though he's supposed to know who she is, and despite the undoubted amount of pain she's experiencing seeing him like this she lets him get closer and comfortable at his own pace, never making him to do anything he isn't comfortable with. She does what she can to help him remember things, but also does what she can to help him keep the new memories he makes (another symptom of amnesia is having difficulty making new memories too which will honestly just adding more frustration). Maybe she gives him a small notebook and maybe even a video camera to help him out

she doesn't try to mould him into how he used to be and just..... lets him be who he wants to be

and honestly...... when he does start school it's no wonder he retaliates. He probably pestered Holly for months to let him go back to school, but when he does...... the world is crueler than he thought. It's not at all like his home with Holly's warm hugs and phone calls with Joseph's bad jokes and crazy stories and Suzie's gentle encouragement and advice. Instead, it's cruel with harsh gazes waiting for him to mess up and whispers he can just barely hear and rules he can't understand

it frustrates him and scares him but most of all it confuses him. And because he doesn't know how to respond to it all, he retaliates with anger. Anger was easy. It made sense, it was clean cut and knew what it wanted him to do and gave him quick, easy explainations of how to do it

(Holly hates it, he knows. He can see it in how the spark in her eyes dims a fraction every time she gets a call from the school, how her eyes will linger on every bruise and scrape when he comes back home long after the sun set, how she always looks so sad whenever he hangs out by himself without any friends)

((But she never says anything. She still keeps the first aid kit under the sink stocked up, she still makes him his favorite foods (new and old) every few weeks, she still helps him go over all his video footage and journal entries, and in those soft moments behind the wood walls and shoji doors that keep the harsh world out, Jotaro can't help but wish he could remember what to feel instead of anger))

but of course, Dio and Kakyoin have no idea about any of this. As far as Kakyoin's aware, Jotaro simply..... forgot about him. There was no recognition in Jotaro's eyes, so hesitation in his punches, no acknowledgment of the past they shared, of how much they'd meant to each other

And BOY that's painful to learn, that the one and only friend he ever made, who stubbornly stuck to his side no matter what he did to try and scare him off, who accepted Hierophant's existence without hesitation even though he couldn't see the spirit, simply....... forgot about him completely. Whether it was because he didn't care or because in the grand scheme of things Kakyoin really wasn't that important, it burns in a way he hadn't predicted it would

this definitely changes his and Jotaro's dynamic, with Kakyoin trying VERY hard to pretend he doesn't care and is completely unaffected and Jotaro who really has no fucking clue what's up with this red haired kid

and who knows. Maybe Kakyoin was a pinch familiar to Jotaro but he brushed it off since there were a lot of things in his life that felt vaguely familiar. Maybe they knew each other before his accident, but they probably weren't that close since the guy hadn't tried bringing up the past yet. Or even worse, maybe it was a one sided type thing and Kakyoin had no idea who he was at all

(Jotaro tries not to acknowledge the slight disappointment he feels at that thought. His knowledge who he is, who he was, was almost entirely limited to his mother and grandparents who lived across a whole ocean. No friends, no extended family, just the three of them left filling in the gaps. The idea of there being a fourth person who properly knew him, someone his age...... ah, but no matter, it probably wasn't anything)

also for some added angst....... just. when Jotaro starts getting more positive(?) attention at school, what if some people tried pretending they knew each other before his accident to try and get closer. Just to give this boi some ✨ trust issues ✨

and honestly, there are so many ways the reveal and reconnection can go and I don't know which one to pick. We could have the crack-y "Joseph makes a joke about it and Kakyoin's brain soft reboots" to the softer "in a moment of vulnerability Jotaro talks about the amnesia because he's starting to genuinely see the Crusaders as friends" to an angsty "Kakyoin reveals he knew Jotaro in a moment of stress/high emotion and Jotaro slightly flips his shit because This Guy Knew Him And Didn't Say Anything"

there's just. so much and it's so tasty

[tsunderedoctor]

Hi there, purple. I was wondering if I could make an emergency request? Normally I just ignore all my own issues because I feel like I'll cause trouble for the people around me— I know it's not healthy, but it's what I've always done. I bottle up all the stress and bad feelings and behave as if everything's okay. Lately though I've had a harder time keeping my emotions in check, and I recently broke down crying because of how mentally tired I am. Is there any chance you'd consider writing Law, Zoro, Benn or Smoker comforting someone suddenly breaking down like that? Whoever you choose is okay.

It's totally fine to cry sometimes, always remember that. We can't always be what society calls strong and sometimes crying makes us stronger. Always know you are strong and things will get better, maybe not today, but one day!❤️❤️

He’s the same way when it comes to emotions. Law loves to bottle his emotions and not open up to others. However, our lovely Heart Captain is a hypocrite and gets annoyed when others (especially you) do the same.

He wants you to rely on him, no matter how little the issue is. It’s his way of controlling things and it helps his own anxiety. Can’t worry about the unknown if you are already in control of it! It’s rather unhealthy, but he’s a doctor, so trust him.

Law wouldn’t deny the fact he’s relieved to see you finally cry. Not that he wants you to, but it lets him be relied on and be the strong one in the relationship. He sadly sucks when it comes to comforting though. He will do his best to hug you and be there for you as a shoulder to cry on, but when it comes to actual words, he freezes. 

“It will be okay.” Is his go to, because he knows eventually it will, just not right now.

Zoro is quite similar to Law when it comes to bottling up his emotions. He’s the type who would rather work out his frustrations than talk about it. So when he knows you’re upset, he will suggest a good spare to get out those feelings. 

He also isn’t the best when it comes to comfort. He gets embarrassed when touch is involved. As much as he can pretends to be cocky, once your head is pressed against his chest, his cheeks get red and his brain short circuits. He starts to think he’s like the damned cook and it annoys him.

When he sees you cry though, he tends to freeze up. Something inside him shifts and he hates seeing you cry. He gets upset with himself and just wants to fix the issue as quick as he can. No matter how he might feel about the situation, he will do his best to be there for you!

“Um, do you want a hug?” Expect a blushing face while he refuses to face you.

Benn is probably the best to go to when it comes to comfort. he puts up with a lot and is mature when it comes to emotional regulation. He’s the one who knows right away when something is bothering you, even from the smallest low level cue.

He doesn’t mean to lecture, but he puts up with quite a childish crew, so expect him to treat you as one of those kids too. It only means he loves you and wants what is best for you! It’s how he shows his love! 

Is the type to suggest solutions to your problems, he’s a problem solver and a right hand man, it’s just what he does! Kind of acts like a father figure and it can be a bit odd, he just radiates that kind of energy. 

“I understand you are upset, so let’s try this instead.” Tries to empathize with you and understand your point of view. You can thank Shanks for that. 

Smoker is similar to Zoro, he will suggest you get out your frustrations with exercise or other hobbies. He’s not the best when it comes to talking about your feelings as he can be a bit rough. He tries to be understanding, but his resting bitch face makes it seem he’s annoyed. 

He tries to be understanding, but part of him is also like “man up” due to his military background and rough childhood. he knows that it’s okay to cry, but he was forced into that thought process that crying is for the weak, even if he doesn’t believe it himself. 

Asks Tashigi for help if it really comes down to it. He trusts her more softer nature for advice on more sensitive things. If she can’t find a solution, he doubts anyone can. 

“I’m here for you...” Looks a bit constipated, but he is doing his best!!

[lale-txt]

One Piece Bingo – Home (Rayleigh x OC)

a/n: i finally got around to write my first piece for @onepiece-bingo and it was a fun one! i told myself i was gonna write something short and fluff for my OC but then i kinda ran with the prompt and here we are.

word count: 1.9k (was aiming for 500 max whoops)

“I really don’t understand how you could sail for such a long time without a proper cook on board.” 

Renge throws a tea towel over her shoulder and gestures to Buggy and Shanks who inhale their breakfast, one hand in the other’s face to prevent them from sneaking a piece off their plate. It’s been a few months since she joined the Roger Pirates and took over the role as kitchen chef, making sure no one was hungry, and yet still those children behaved as if they were starved to death every single day.

Roger laughs out loud, leaning back in his chair. Renge still hadn’t fully figured out the captain, his loud and cheerful manner, his almost reckless behavior, how he lived every day as if it was his last day on this planet. Only one thing she knew for sure and that was that his laughter was infectious, its echo resonating with every cell of her body, making her almost vibrate in joy. She smiles and lets him pat her on the back.

Renge was still getting used to his touch – to everyone’s touch, actually. It took weeks until she didn’t flinch anymore when someone came closer than an arm length to her, her tail wagging in panic and another few more weeks until she felt comfortable to let the ship apprentices pet her in her beast form, the form she felt the safest in, fangs and claws out. Only when a few soft purrs escaped from her throat Shanks and Buggy couldn’t hold back anymore and wrapped their arms around her, affirming Renge that they’re so happy to have her on board and that she doesn’t have to worry about anything anymore now that they were here to protect her.

She had cried big tears that night, switching back in her human form to pull the two kids close, crying into their hair. It was the moment they cracked her heart open and let the light in. That night, everyone cried, including Roger, who witnessed the scene from afar (being held back by Rayleigh who commanded him to give them a minute) and in the end ran over anyway and took all three of them into his big arms. Renge had never felt so warm.

“We’re lucky to have you now with us.” Roger chortled and reached for another slice of bread. “Right, Rayleigh?”

Rayleigh looks up from the newspaper, a cup of coffee in one hand. His eyes meet Renge’s and she can feel her cheeks blush under his gaze, yet she doesn’t dare to look away. She would rather drown in his eyes instead of missing a second of them. He grins. 

“More than lucky. We would be nothing without Renge.”

Roger whistles and waggles his eyebrows at Renge, causing her to smack the wet tea towel in his face while she spins around on the spot to hide her hot cheeks; as if her deep red ears or her wagging tail which popped out as soon as Rayleigh said those words didn’t give it away. Why was it that every time he was close her heart would drum so loudly in her chest? She couldn’t think clearly whenever he was around, which was… all the time, actually.

Renge excuses herself to the kitchen where she takes a few deep breaths over the kitchen sink. This is where she felt safe, surrounded by boiling pots and sizzling pans on the stove, the colorful containers in various shapes holding her favorite spices on the shelves, the happy chatter of her kitchen staff in the background.

"Did Roger startle you again?", Spencer asks her from the other side of the counter, looking at her sympathetic while he stacks a few plates. 

"He's a fucking menace." Renge slumps down on the cold surface, her hot cheeks welcoming the cool. Still she can't help but smile. No matter how much the captain teases her, she couldn't be mad at him for too long. She knew he meant well with his heavy hinting toward Rayleigh, she just wished he would understand that her poor heart might not be able to take it all at once.

Despite that, she wasn't entirely sure if she was craving Rayleigh's touch alone, not after she had seen the captain and his first mate exchanging those soft glances, their hands brushing, how they leaned over to whisper sweet things in each other's ears when no one was watching. Maybe she had fallen for both, because where else was this deep insatiable yearning coming from?

It made her feel like an intruder sometimes.

"Do we have more coffee? Buggsy and Shanks are currently soaked in the one we had left outside, just don't ask..."

Renge jumped from the sound of the familiar voice, twirling around on the spot. Rayleigh gave her a reassuring smile, holding up the empty coffee pot.

"Are the kids hurt?" Renge asked, worried and halfway out of the kitchen already when Rayleigh held out an arm to hold her back.

"They're fine, don't worry. The coffee wasn't hot anymore and they're currently taking a bath with Roger. It was overdue for them anyway..."

Rayleigh wrinkled his nose and didn't further specify if he meant the ship's apprentices or the captain with being stinky, but it was probably both. Renge sighed a little in relief, telling her heart to calm the fuck down with Rayleigh's hand around her waist. Still, she didn't back off and leaned a little bit closer before she reached for the empty coffee pot in his other hand.

"It will take a few minutes until it's ready. I'll bring it to you, you don't have to wait here, Ray." – "What if I want to wait here?"

Renge's eyes met Rayleigh's and it felt like time stood still. It was as if he could see right through here, see her vulnerable beating heart that had his name plastered all over it. He still had his arm around her waist, his fingertips brushing her bare skin.

"We'll go clean up the dining hall then.", Spencer says and gestures to the other kitchen staff to move, giving Renge a not so hidden thumbs up as he passes her. No one on this ship ever learned how to be discreet.

Now that she was alone in the kitchen, Renge worried that her heartbeat would echo from every wall. She treasured those small moments where she had Rayleigh all for herself but at the same time her nerves were a whole wreck during them. It was still hard for her to read him, but she noticed that he was seeking her presence, too. Right? 

Her trail of thoughts got interrupted when Rayleigh swept her off her feet and gently put her down on the kitchen counter next to the coffee machine before he started brewing a fresh batch. Renge's cheeks were flushed, too startled from the sudden gesture and from the shock of how easy he could pick her up. She played with the hem of her kimono jacket, too flustered to look up while he proceeded with what he was doing. 

"You're always scurrying around, serving everyone. You have memorized how everyone likes their drinks in the morning and what their favorite food is. You make sure the plates for the kids aren't steaming hot because you know how greedy they get." Rayleigh's voice is quiet, soft. You could tell that he was choosing his words carefully. "I just want you to relax for once. You're not on a run anymore, there are no chains holding you back now. You're home, Renge, remember?"

Home.

Renge can feel tears prickling in the corners of her eyes and bites her bottom lip, trying hard to hold them back. His words stabbed right in an open wound, yet they didn't hurt. He was right with every word he said. She is looking after everyone, doing what she could do best, what she did her whole life. Being a slave from a young age, she had never known freedom, peace or rest. Sometimes her body was still aching from the phantom pain, engraved on her skin.

Rayleigh takes her restless hands into his, cupping them whole. His skin feels so warm on hers, so safe, as if home wasn't just the Oro Jackson but the tiny universe in their hands, held together by an unspoken, bottomless love. Renge sighs in defeat and slumps over, resting her head against his shoulder where she allows herself to let tears escape her eyes, her hands trembling in his but not pulling back. 

Rayleigh holds still, his cheek resting against hers. His low voice whispering hushed sweetness into her ear, affirming her that she's safe, that she's loved, that she has nothing to fear. That he will protect her with everything he has. His thumbs are drawing slow circles on the back of her hands while Renge just sobs, overwhelmed by the sudden kindness. Didn't he just come for coffee? So why was she breaking down in his arms?

A hoarse chuckle escapes her throat between two sobs as she finally sits up again, flustered from her vulnerability. Rayleigh is still holding her hands, giving her a warm smile, it's as if he knew that he had just torn down another wall she had built up with so much care; as if he knew that there were feelings that demanded to be felt so Renge could feel really free again.

"How dare you make me cry in my own kitchen." Renge sniffles and lets Rayleigh wipe away her tears, both smiling shyly.

"How dare you sneak into my heart like that." Rayleigh responds with a little sigh, taking her hand and pressing it gently against his lips. Renge lets him, too weak to resist, too hungry to feel loved. Maybe this was where her yearning heart had found its home.

Silence fills the room, the kind that makes you feel at peace, where no words could grasp what lingered between them. Only their slow breaths in unison, her trembling heart in his hands, his pleading eyes eating her up.

Only when they hear the sound of clattering dishes and the serving cart being pushed towards the kitchen do they collect themselves again, as if they just woke up from a long feverish daydream.

"Do you want to see what Roger and the kids are up to while the coffee brews? I'm worried they might flood the whole bathroom again." Rayleigh holds out a hand to help Renge down the counter. She takes it and gives it a little squeeze before she slides down to the floor, her legs a little shaky but holding tight onto the first mate.

"I don't know if I'm ready to see Roger's bare ass this early in the morning, but I'm happy to keep you company.", she chuckles and follows him outside, gesturing wildly behind Rayleigh’s back to Spencer that things were fine despite her puffy eyes. He looks at her slightly confused but gives her another thumbs up which doesn’t go unnoticed by Rayleigh who just looks back and forth between the two and gives them a lopsided grin.

No one on this ship knew how to be discreet, this included Renge also. This place was her home, too. It was the first one she ever called that way and right now, she hopes it will also be the last.

[kaizokuou-ni-naru]

The Voyage So Far: Skypiea

east blue (1 | 2) || alabasta (1 | 2) || skypiea || water 7 || enies lobby || thriller bark || paramount war (1 | 2) || fishman island || punk hazard || dressrosa (1 | 2) || whole cake island || wano (1 | 2)

the bar scene in jaya is one i didn’t really get the first time i read it- like nami, i mostly found luffy and zoro’s refusal to fight back frustrating more than anything else. i didn’t realize the connection to shanks in the prologue until someone else pointed it out awhile later, but when i did, it made me appreciate the entire sequence and luffy’s choices a lot more. 

honestly, i know this is one of the pages that gets the most attention from jaya, and it absolutely deserves it. blackbeard here is effectively dropping one of the biggest main themes of the series- people’s dreams don’t end!!- and how interesting that we get that delivered by the antagonist to the protagonist, instead of the other way around? how often do you see a series do that? 

and the line hits. look at the emphasis. there’s absolutely nothing on these two pages except for the three strawhats, blackbeard, and blackbeard’s line, bigger than anything else. 

chapter 232, with luffy punching out bellamy in one hit is still, to this day, probably my favorite one piece chapter. it opens with the drunk pirate seeing the newspaper with luffy’s hundred million bounty and realizing just who bellamy was kicking around, and it hits on one of my favorite plot threads of one piece- the growing infamy of the strawhats and luffy in particular, and their rise in the world. 

the atmosphere of the whole scene is so good, the tension in their air, the way all the bar patrons jump when luffy yells for bellamy to come out- and when the hit comes, the satisfaction is visceral. 

i’ve talked about it before, but god, i LOVE the way one piece defines “romance”- the arthurian kind of romance, the adventurous kind, that romanticizes the world and its wonders- romance dawn. in an arc as thematically heavy as jaya, it makes sense that it, too, is explicitly brought up. can you think of a more romantic, impossible adventure than traveling to the sky?

nami’s confidence when faced with the task of navigating into the sky is so fantastic. 

the expressions, and the art in general, in skypiea, are really so lovely. look at the variety between the strawhats when they first emerge from the white-white sea to lay eyes on angel island. look how expressive they all are!! i have such a soft place in my heart for the art in these earlier arcs, honestly.

somewhat related to the above: there are so many little moments in skypiea where the strawhats just get to have FUN, and be stupid, and get fleshed out more as characters, and honestly it’s such a delight. also, everyone’s skypiea outfits were just really really good. cowboy hat robin... i miss u every day 

i really like the whole scene where robin is exploring the ruins, and these panels in particular have such a lovely sort of ethereal look to them. i love seeing robin doing archeology, i think for the same reason i love to see sanji cooking- the strawhats are all such cool and passionate people, and it’s really really nice to see them doing and talking about the things they love and excel at most. 

i’m sure i’ve said it before but i LOVE how logia powers are depicted, especially when used to avoid an attack. it’s so cool. ace’s cover story runs through most of this arc, and we get some great examples of it there as well. 

1. wife 

2. skypiea is SUCH a good character-building arc for robin- which is good, because the next saga is almost entirely predicated on how much both the audience and the strawhats care about her. it’s here where we learn about her passion for archeology, her reverence for history, and get a much better look at the softer sides of her personality and her fast-growing admiration and affection for the strawhats. 

man, enel has so many huge, terrifyingly powerful shows of force throughout this arc, but this right here, this little sequence where he appears behind raki between panels without warning and we see him reflected in her eye, communicates better than absolutely anything else just why he’s a nightmare.

“jonny you sure are posting a lot of panels of zoro being cool without any real commentary” yeah. he kicks ass in this arc 

conis is a very underrated character, i think. she’s pretty easy to overlook, but she also manages to completely break the indoctrination she’s been raised into and gambles her own life to save most of the population of angel island from complete extermination. she yells that she doesn’t recognize enel as god, an instant death sentence at any other time, just to get them to listen to her. 

there’s a moment, in this scene, where a boy throws a rock at her for insulting enel, and she just stands there, and lets the blood trickle down her face, and keeps making her case. honestly, i really like her.

look at this page. look how it’s framed. luffy in the foreground, taking up most of the page- enel in the background, tiny, inconsequential. 

now that’s how you draw god’s natural enemy. 

this is one of my favorite nami character moments in the whole manga. nami is a greedy person. she has a lot of things she wants. it’s one of her defining traits. 

but when faced with someone with godlike power, offering her absolutely anything she wants if she’ll just abandon her friends and come with him- she doesn’t want anything, for that price, even with her life on the line if she declines. she knows exactly what her treasure is. 

obviously this is an awesome panel, but sanji’s little smile just before enel strikes him is what really, really makes it for me. he’s about to get slammed with several thousand volts of lightning, but more importantly, nami and usopp are going to be safe. 

the skypiea flashback is one of my very favorites, and also the first time one piece ever made me cry. i nearly cried just flipping through it again for this post. it’s just so fucking devastating.

noland never stopped looking, and calgara never stopped waiting, and neither of them ever lost faith in each other despite how badly they fell out at the end, and wow, that just kills me. but at the same time, it makes the way the flashback and the main story come together at the end so satisfying and cathartic.

i do think skypiea has one of the best climaxes of any arc. the way all the disparate elements and plot threads- enel, the story of noland and calgara, the war between the skypieans and shandians, cricket’s search down on jaya- come together and tie up so perfectly that the entire arc can be ended by the ringing of a single massive bell is nothing less than genius writing. 

i really love the establishment of roger’s poneglyph message and all the things it implies here. it raises so many questions, most of which we’ve only now gotten answered, in wano. oda’s capacity for long-term storytelling is one of his greatest strengths, and this is probably one of my favorite examples of it. (see also, in jaya when sanji mentions offhand that he was born in north blue.)

i just really love seeing them all smiling, and i love the parallels to calgara and noland’s sendoff here. feels like a wound finally healing, after four hundred years. 

and, of course, it ends with cricket, asking what crazy, romantic dream they’re going to chase down next. because this is one piece!! just because you find the end of one rainbow doesn’t mean you stop looking for the next one. 

[opbackgrounds]

Hi there Sarc' ;) I am sorry if the question has already been asked but I thought it could be interesting to have your opinion about this. While I love most of the female characters in OP and think that most of them are well developed and can be truly good role models for girls I still feel that Oda sometimes has a sexist view on female characters (the jokes about the naked bath scenes for example or Kororo being considered ugly make me really uncomfortable). What do you think about it?

Ah, I wondered when I would get this question. 

When people talk about sexism in One Piece they typically are referring to two different things: How women are drawn, and how they’re treated within the narrative. While there’s some overlap here, there’s enough distinction that I want to address them as two separate points in two separate posts, because I guess I had Opinions, and by god there should be a limit to how much text one tumblr post can be expected to hold. Consider this an introduction.

Buckle up, kiddos. This is gonna be a long one. 

Nami Face Syndrome Isn’t the Problem...

An important thing to remember with Oda’s art and storytelling style is that almost everything is hyper exaggerated for effect. You don’t go into One Piece looking for realism. You don’t go into One Piece expecting the characters to act like normal people. Everything--from the art to the humor to the battles--is stretched and pulled to its absolute limit in hopes of garnering a particular reaction. When a character is sad they cry big bubbly tears with dribbles of snot coming from their nose. When they laugh their mouths take up half their face. 

And when a girl is hot, her tiddies are two great big watermelons stuck to the center of her chest.

What is often dubbed “Nami Face Syndrome” within the fandom is somewhat misleading. After all, why was Wanda, who is a literal dog that walks on two legs, decried as yet another Nami clone at her introduction? I would postulate it’s less to do with her face and more to do with the fact that from the neck down they are virtually identical, something that’s made more obvious because Wanda is literally wearing Nami’s clothes

What makes this frustrating for a lot of people, myself included, is that it’s not that Oda is incapable of drawing more diverse body types, but that he often chooses not to. Take for example the Kuja tribe

or the Charlotte family daughters (thanks to Arthur at Library of Ohara for the resource). It’s pretty clear Oda has the chops to make his women as weird as the men, and he often does! For important characters, even. And yes, as the Kokoro example given above sometimes the gonkness is brought attention to, but for others like Lola and Chiffon it’s...not. 

(more on mermaids later)

But Sarcasticles, one might protest, even Oda’s “ugly” characters have ginormous boobs! Where is my itty bitty titty committee representation >:(

To which I can only shrug. For Oda, boobs on a woman are like abs on men. It doesn’t matter if it makes sense, they’re gonna have ‘em

Seriously, Oda. What the fuck.

...So What Is?

I have a theory that’s impossible to prove, and that the problem isn’t so much Oda’s character design so much as the ratio of his male to female characters in general. It’s not that every female character is a Nami clone, but Oda has a template he uses for attractive female characters ages 16-25, the same way he uses Robin as a template for attractive women ages 26-35, which is how you get cases of mistaken identity like Viola for Robin or scenes during Reverie where one could be forgiven for thinking Nami’s supposed to be an identical triplet

 Oda does this for his men, too. It’s not as obvious because 1) Even men with similar facial features can have a wider variety body types due to Oda having a sliding scale of buffness he’s willing to attach to a pretty face and 2) There are more men. 

There are a lot more men.

In groups where the male to female ratio is more or less equal (Baroque Works, Big Mom’s kids) you get a wide variety of designs. But there’s only one female Supernova. There’s one female Warlord. CP9 only has one female agent. Only one of the Revolutionary Commanders is a woman. There are very few female background characters in crowd shots, especially among marines. Big Mom might be the only female Emperor, but she’s not young, In fact, when drawing her at age 28, Oda defaults to a much more generic “pretty girl” face before giving her much more striking, memorable features in her 40s

If you look at Oda’s male characters, the ones that are supposed to be hot are often given the same square jawline and the thin-bladed nose that at one point in time was reserved for Robin. Both Coby and Sabo had very distinctive noses before their glowups, while Ace must have had a laser treatment done on his eyebrows sometime between Alabasta and Marineford. 

But the biggest difference on the men has got to be muscle mass. The overgrown noodles of early One Piece are lost to the annals of time. Shanks alone must have gained 30 pounds of pure muscle from the time Luffy got his first bounty to his appearance at Marineford. 

Now, I will acknowledge that there is a difference between the increasing sexualization of female characters and the male power fantasy of giving Zoro bara tiddies post-timeskip. While I do think there are certain male characters specifically designed to be the Hot Dude, what I’m trying to emphasize here is that Oda works with templates for both men and women, and both of those templates have been exaggerated over time. Bigger boobs for women, more muscles for men. And when you’re only slotting for one girl in any given group, and that one girl has to be The Hot One then you’re going to have a lot of ladies that end up looking the same. 

My love for Otohime on this blog is well known, and I want to use her as an example of what Oda can do when he works beyond this template, because it’s really freaking good  

Otohime is neither conventionally attractive nor gonk. She’s dressed in very conservative, traditional clothing and has a narrow waist and small chest. 

There are no sharp edges on Otohime. Not her eyebrows, not her jaw, and most of the time not even her hands, emphasizing her gentle nature. You don’t see it as well in this panel, but Otohime’s head is often drawn wider than her shoulders, emphasizing her frailty. Oda gives her a longer neck to compensate, and the overall effect is a very soft, willowy figure. 

Her headpiece looks like a sunburst. The audience never sees her fins, so Oda gives her a scale patterned kimono-dress-thingy (my knowledge of Japanese clothing is, uh, not good) as a visual reminder that she’s not human. The sash that circles around her head harkens back to Japanese mythology as a symbol of divinity, similar to a halo in Western culture. And fun fact: Otohime is named after a god, just like Neptune, while her goals and ideals are pure enough to be heaven-sent. 

I’m not an artist, but this is a really damn good character design. A lot of Oda’s older female characters are. Dandan, Tsuru, O-Tsuru, Shakky, Kureha, Big Mom, and Nyon are all instantly recognizable and have strong designs, even if a few of them fall into the hourglass figure that Oda often defaults to. It’s just...there aren’t that many of them.

So the question becomes why aren’t there more women, and I think the answer is because, ultimately, One Piece is a series geared at boys. While I wish there were a few more important ladies, I can understand why there aren’t. 

Note, that doesn’t mean I think it’s right or that Oda is obligated to include more women. It’s just one of the facts of the shonen manga industry at this point in time. 

A more important question, I think, is why does every younger woman have to be attractive? And why do the attractive ladies have to wear outfits that are blatant fanservice? This is something I don’t have an answer for. Oda has said on more than one occasion that he writes One Piece with his twelve year old self in mind. It could be that it’s a calculated move to appeal to his audience, in which case it’s certainly worked because said Hot Ladies are constantly used in marketing and merchandising. It’s the Hot Ladies that top the popularity charts (although, to be fair, who’s there for competition?). In the most recent chapter a new Hot Lady was introduced, and the fandom went batshit crazy for her.

Even the fans who are very vocal about how Oda sucks at drawing women. It’s interesting how that works out sometimes.

Or maybe I’m giving Oda too much credit, and he’s just horny. Not having direct access to Oda’s mind, I don’t have an answer. If I had to guess I’d say it’s a little of Column A, a little of Column B, because that’s usually how life is. 

But in a vacuum big tiddies are just a design choice. An exaggerated aesthetic, in a series full of exaggerated aesthetics. It’s when that design choice is paired with in-story comments, actions, and decisions where things really start to get heated. But that’s a whole other ball of wax, and there should be a limit to how much one tumblr post can be expected to hold. I promise I’ll get to the meat of your question next time.

Thank you so much for your patience. I really do think it’s important to start here before diving into everything else, if only because it helps keep my thoughts organized. I hope you’ve found this helpful, and if not, I hope to do better next time. 

[calypsoff]

Four. Part 5

Robyn is making some calls, I don’t know what for but she said she will be back once I asked her what we going to be doing she was quick to act on it, maybe she didn’t have anything planned, I mean I don’t mind that too. We can just speak here in this apartment, but she gone to make some calls. I feel relieved, more relieved that Robyn is not crying because I felt so awful that she cried, I didn’t want her to cry about it. I know she is feeling love and I also feel that aura with her, I have so much respect for her so for her to cry it did hurt me but she got to understand that I won’t be going back to Virginia and acting the same as I did with Seiko, I mean how can I, after being with Robyn I now really just want to be with her. Seiko has text me again for the second time so I better call her, if I don’t then she will keep on harassing me until I answer. Listening to phone ring out, she better answers before I put the phone down “I miss you!” She shouted down the phone, Seiko is being so loud “hey you good? You text me twice” I am trying to be distant with her “well you weren’t answering me” letting out an oh “my driver is coming so we are good to go” Robyn half shouted, my eyes widened “huh?” Seiko said “yeah?” Robyn and I just stared at each other “you are watching Rihanna interviews or something?” I just paused not knowing what to say, do I tell her yes or act dumb “yes” I agreed, Robyn side eyed me “well don’t be getting ideas now, why are you even watching her interviews? Don’t tell me those little feelings are coming back? Awww baby, she bigger then you now” who the hell is this bird teasing “she is bigger than me now I know, it just came on the TV. That’s it” Robyn sat next to me this time, I think she is trying to be nosey “mhmm don’t be getting any ideas now” moving my phone away from my ear and putting it on speakerphone, Robyn squinted her eyes at me which made me laugh. She lazily placed her arm on my shoulder “sorry what did you say?” Trying to not laugh “I said don’t get ideas now that you met her, that little young love you had has got to be gone now. I still side eye why you took ages” Seiko is dumb she will say something dumb “how you know she wasn’t putting it down on me?” I said laughing, I can hear Seiko bird friends in the background “that wouldn’t shock me, she gets around but no you didn’t” Robyn gasped “that is rude you said you loved her? Huh?” She dislikes her now “I do, I like her whore vibe” holding in a laugh, Robyn is shook right now “ok anyways, you’re rude” Robyn wrapped her arms around my neck “I am going to steal her man and whore myself on his dick” she licked my ear, my mouth fell open turning my head slowly staring at her, Robyn puckered her lips up smirking “say that to her” licking my lips shaking my head “Chris!?” Seiko half shouted “yeah, I need to go” Robyn is crazy, like she is turning me on.

Robyn and I just laughed out as I disconnected the call, she rested her head on my shoulder “you are bad” shaking my head laughing “she got me angry, who is she calling a whore. Her mother is a whore, I’m not even like that, I am seriously pissed off that she said that. Why do people think I am that? I’m really not” Robyn lifted her head up from my shoulder “because they don’t know you like that, I know you. I know that you ain’t a whore, man your pussy be saying otherwise. I know you would be truthful with me, I got you, you got me” Robyn kissed my cheek “I can’t believe you made me cry actually” oh she remembers “it’s a lot Robyn, but let’s now look to the future. Let’s think of now yeah?” She nodded her head in agreement “where are we going twin?” She ain’t say “mhmm well. Remember that time we said we would get matching tattoos? We only live once” she winked “yeah, I remember that. Dude coming here? I feel like we are reliving where we left off” I can’t believe she remembered that I am actually shocked “nah we are going there, he is keeping the store open for us so we can you know, do the thing. I told you Chris I ain’t holding back” she pressed a hard kiss to my cheek and got up from the couch, Robyn is not holding back. She means those words and I accept it, I think she is the one to bring that out of me. I just couldn’t help myself, watching Robyn stretch out I reached over and pinched her butt “aye” she looked behind her and at me “I am going to get changed, do I look ok without makeup? I really can’t be bothered” staring at her face nodding “I think you are good, promise” she walked off, what I mean is she skipped off. She is so happy, and I love that about her, she is good vibes.

Zipping my coat up “am I hidden enough?” Robyn turned to me with her shades on and a snapback, well my snapback actually “you look good, the forehead hidden so nobody will know it’s you” I know she is mugging me under those shades “do you have Instagram? I know I can’t follow you but can I see?” pulling my coat down “uh yeah, you can see. It’s uhm, fuckyopictures, one word” I pointed out “will duh, actually let’s go. We will be late to bang bang, he won’t be happy” gesturing Robyn to go ahead of me, I will let her take the lead. I don’t know this bang bang dude. I think I will let Robyn have that tattoo and I will just watch, I don’t think I got space, maybe I do but still. I ain’t think about having another yet. Come to think of it maybe we could have stayed here and just fucked, wrapping my arms around Robyn and pulling her back into me “uh, you said let’s go now” she yanked my arm back, she got a point. Stuffing my hands in my coat pockets as we made our way to the elevator “it’s raining out there, I think I need” I dragged out “don’t say it! I promise you I will scream” I mean it’s fitting to the situation “you had my heart….” I stepped back before she hit my arm “get yo ass in the elevator ma’am” following into the elevator “you think I look better on your snapback? I think I do” Robyn is checking herself out in the mirror, tilting my head to the side “mhmmm you look good” wrapping my arms around Robyn, humping her “oh my god, seriously?” she laughed “stop that, I need to press the button” still humping as she tried to turn around “no!” she yelped out, moving back from her “shit!, it’s going up now. Oh my god, this is your fault” let me stand in this corner like a good boy “why you tripping?” she shook her head walking over to me “I am going to miss you like crazy when you decide to go” lazily she wrapped her arms around my torso, pouting her lips as she rested her head on me “already thinking about me going, relax” Robyn turned her head away, the door opened and a couple of girls walked onto the elevator. They looked at us and then looked at me, she straight checked me out, but I won’t mention that to Robyn.

Turning in the seat to face Robyn “Seiko has the log in for that page, I don’t even go on it because she may run a report on where I logged in from. She practically is logged into that; she really just runs my social media in a weird way” I shrugged “really? I can tell that flat faced rat is, she isn’t even that cute. She looks fake, she sounds fake. What did you see in her, why is she like that with you? What did you do?” I lightly laughed “well, I cheated on her during the relationship. I had a lot of girls sending me nudes. So she doesn’t trust me, shock. Uh yeah, that is it. She chased me in a way, but I just wanted to settle, I came out of being locked up. I wanted peace” Robyn is so nosey “oh my god, is this your mug shot?” she turned her phone to me, nodding my head “you look sexy, I mean that face. Look how innocent you are, were you crying? You were, I can tell by your eyes” she knows me well “yeah, my ma was angry, and I was desperate to just get out. It was hard because it was a mistake, I fucked up my life you know” shaking my head “I am saving this picture but what exactly happened, so you were helping that same bum ass cousin I told you not to hang with” Robyn questioned “yes, it was quick money and I was enjoying the thrill. I wanted to make quick money and also my cousin said we family, we run as one. My parents ain’t have the money for college for me, so I just wanted to make some money for that. It went wrong and I got locked up, I should have been there longer, they was looking at putting me away for fifty years” Robyn’ face dropped “what the fuck what did you have on you? How!?” she spat.

“The car had a trunk full of cocaine, I was delivering the car like I do, I have been doing it for a while. So I was driving at the spot, I realised there is police all over the spot, niggas being arrested, I looked and drove by, but I made eye contact with an officer and I guess they saw my shocked face, there was a cop chase. And they found a hell of a lot of drugs that they were going to sentence me that unless I snitched, they promised they would put me in a different jail, I wanted less sentence and I know the word on the street is to not snitch but I didn’t want that life, so I did. But the fucking police lied to me, they all lied to me. But I got five years, I got jumped the first night I entered the jail, their people got to me but I know they set me up, the guards set me up. I was in so much pain, I wanted to die. My face was gone, they had a made up shank, knife yeah. That is why I got the scar on my shoulder. They kept kicking me, like six of them. I passed out, woke up in the prison hospital. I couldn’t talk, they then moved me. I healed, came out. Amazon gave me a job, Barry’ uncle helped me big time. I just want a quiet life, it changed me being there. It broke me, and I did remember you, and how that became a mess because you went but then I was happy for you, I would hear uhm” I clicked my fingers “don’t stop the music, when they let us have radio time. For good behaviour, for like an hour and I would be grinning so hard, like that is my twin. She doing big things, my little coconut head Barbadian cherry pop, I am and was super proud of you. But I just, I fucked up Robyn and I feel like that took it out of me that I became this closed off guy. The last year in jail was ok, it got better I suppose. I started getting tattoos, but I just got skinnier. I came out and my parents paid for the apartment I am in now, blessed about it. I paid them off, I put in hours at Amazon. That is me Robyn” Robyn is in shock, she even had to put her phone down.

I didn’t expect Robyn to cry “aye, stop it. Please” placing my hand over hers “I feel bad, like if I didn’t leave you and I remained you would be not in that. I just feel emotional about this Chris, how can I not? You have always been on my mind, thinking what is he doing? I was waiting on the moment where I saw Chris Brown the basketball player” Robyn wiped her tears “I just feel sad because I can imagine how much that crushed you, oh my god. You have the most beautiful personality, and it drew me to you. When I met you again, I hugged you and it was like I was hugging you but you wasn’t there, and every hour I am with you I am seeing you be you, I had no idea and maybe if I investigated but Barry acted like nothing, I went to the school wanting to see you. I came for you; I didn’t care for the personal tour. I went back into the classroom we first met; it hurt me Chris. This has really hurt me to know you went through that, oh god. My heart, I could have lost you and I wouldn’t have known. This scares me, I am so happy you’re here and you’re ok” Robyn rubbed my cheek “I am good, I just can’t fuck up again” her fingers gently rubbing the side of my cheek “but all is well, I don’t want to keep reliving the past. But you deserve to know that, this could make you look bad. I don’t want that for you” Robyn placed her hand over my mouth “I told you, I am not going to lose you. You said we will work at it, we will” nodding my head, Robyn is making me feel so much like she is making me feel whole again.

[cherryblossom-chopper]

Uncle Buggy

SOOOOO I can’t say I know what to call this but basically my amazing source of inspiration rozyduskion and I were pitching this concept back forth and I wanted to post it cause it’s the cutest thing ever. FYI like 99% of this are Rozy’s ideas but I kinda put a spin on it. If ya’ll aren’t following Rozy I highly suggest it, they’re content is blessed.

Uncle Buggy

-It all started with the god damn Red Hair showing up unannounced

-Not only did he have the audacity to show up on the Big Top, but with a four year old girl in tow

-Can you imagine Buggy’s shock, disgust, and utter horror, when Shanks says, This is my daughter (Name). She’s been so excited to meet you.

-Can you imagine his even greater horror when the bumbling little thing latches on to his leg laughing about how her UNCLE BUGGY is funny looking

-Buggy will swear up and down all while trying to get the little girl off of his leg till he practically dies of embarrassment

-If things couldn’t get any worse, Shanks has the gall to ask Buggy to babysit the little heathen while he’s away on dangerous business

-Buggy sputters and shouts telling Shanks he and his little crotch spawn can go to hell etc etc, when that witch of a woman Alivida agrees for Buggy

-Thus Buggy is now stuck with this little girl who calls him her uncle and he hates it

-Then days go by, and then weeks, and Buggy starts wondering if Shanks has dumped (Name) on him.

-At first this thought makes him really angry, but then, suddenly it doesn’t.... Buggy becomes okay to the idea of little (Name) staying with him...

-But he ignores the feeling, until a month after leaving his daughter with Buggy, Shanks returns

-Buggy feels this... pull on his heart when he waves good bye to the little girl and can’t help but tear up seeing Shank’s ship disappear from view

-It’s not the last time he sees (Name) though. Any time Shanks feels it’s best, Buggy’s new niece would end up staying on the Big Top

-Buggy comes to love being Uncle Buggy, and as the years go by his niece doesn’t need to babysat anymore, but still stays with him on occasion

-Until shes turns 18...

-That’s when Buggy’s perfect, precious, niece does the unthinkable

-She joins the Straw Hat Pirates

-Buggy is distraught. Absolutely unequivocally hurt by her choices

-He thought he taught her better!!

-Like a fucking theif in the night Buggy descends upon the Thousand Sunny searching for his niece because for the love of god she is getting on the Big Top right this instant

-But then he see how happy she is... truly happy... happier than he’d seen in months.. (Name) needed this and he knew it

-Failing to hold back his tears, Buggy kisses his niece on the forehead and kinda pathetically lectures Luffy about taking care of his precious niece

-He also gives her a single rule: NO DATING

-Especially not any of these morons

-He lets her stay with the Straw Hats and is practically inconsolable on the Big Top. Not even Mr. 3’s dumb face makes him feel better

-Some time goes by so Shanks and Buggy arrange to visit (Name) and the Straw Hats, but if you ask Buggy it’s most just (Name).

-They arrive and Buggy is of course crying because look how much his niece has grown up and he’s so happy to see that she’s safe

-All seems normal except for that swordsman that’s always with Luffy. That guy is being even more stand off-ish than usual

-Buggy doesn’t say anything, but can’t get this nagging feeling to go away. Not throughout dinner or drinks or the party the crew had thrown for them, and then suddenly it hits him!

-He snatches up a large steak knife from the table, slices his arm off and YEETS it across the room and grabs Zoro by the back of his shirt collar

-The room is now mostly silent as Buggy pulls Zoro to him. Then with the venom of a thousand cobras, the clown hisses, You.

-Shanks can’t help but laugh as Zoro looks like he might vomit

-Buggy is so angry but he has to know. Are you dating-

-Before he can even finish his sentence Zoro frantically blurts out, YES-AND-I-GOT-HER-PREGNANT-TOO

-The room is now dead silent. Franky is now so glad he’s been filming the entire thing and Shanks has dropped his whisky bottle on the floor

-Some may say Buggs fainted, but he prefers dissociated for a few moments, regardless when he comes to he’s FURIOUS

-Shanks however is processing the information. Imagine Windows 97 error sounds

-Then Luffy gets super excited and starts singing about Shanks being a grandpa

-The entire crew knew about it, but (Name) wanted to tell her father and uncle before anyone else

-But Zoro that panicky little fucker beat her too it

-Buggy is so angry that he can’t even speak. He’s just angrily flailing his limbs around and opening and closing his mouth like a fish

-In the background one can see Usopp losing it cause: Oh god their gonna kill Zoro! I told you they would! Franky do something!

-Shanks the poor man is still processing and needs an Advil

-(Name) decides enough is enough and marchs over to Buggy and Shanks

-She grabs each of their hands and places it on her belly while smiling at them wider than she ever has

-Shanks kinda unfreezes, scrambles to his knees and pulls his daughter close

-The man presses his forehead to her baby bump and just start bawling. He’s so god damn happy

-Buggy has been staring at his hand placed on her stomach for awhile before he realizes he hasn’t moved and she’s staring at him

-Shes smiling but Buggy knows (Name) well enough to know that she needs to know he’s happy for her too or she can’t be happy

-He pulls her in for a gentle hug as he smiles. The man is crying as he rests his head on his precious niece’s head, but he’d deny it to hell and back

-Zoro clutches his chest with relief when Buggy let’s him go, sheds a few tears, thanking God that is life has been spared

-The entire crew is crying except Luffy, who’s still fucking singing, and Sanji

-The cook waltz over to Zoro, hooks his arm around Zoro’s shoulders, and says, I knew you’d live

-Then through his tears Shanks looks at Zoro and sobs out, I’m going to kill you with my bare hands

-It appears Sanji spoke far too soon....

[theabominableblogger]

My Reaction to “Birds of Prey“

*in best Roman Sionis impression*  WHOOO!

Figured I might as well FINALLY watch it.  On with the show!

*silently jams to the opening logos*

This animated intro is great.

*snorts at the little animation of how an egg gets fertilized*

Why is this animated Joker a different (and actually better) character design than what we got in Suicide Squad?  Were we robbed of Letoker in full Joker suited glory?  I think we were.

“Behind every successful man is a badass broad.”  *points at screen in agreement*

I love Harley’s freaking rainbow apartment

The hyena!

This movie has the same amount of color saturation as “Pulp Fiction”

Freaking Bernie the Beaver is holding her tissues!  We stan supportive friends!

*gasp* Cass!

This guy [Roman’s driver] looks an awful lot like Jon Hamm and that is never gonna go away

“It’s not a party without a little drama!”  I love Ewan McGregor

*snorts in hilarity when Harley turns to address the audience about how much she doesn’t like Roman in front of Roman*

“Do give the Joker my [Roman] best.”  Uhhh....

*jams the crap out to “Boss Bitch” by Doja Cat*

*laughs at Harley drunkenly giving relationship advice to a female bust in the club*

“Some people have the Eiffel Tower.  Or Olive Garden.”  Can we please hear the stories about Gotham’s Olive Garden?

Oh that shot [of Harley walking away from the Ace Chemicals explosion] is great

[Four Minutes Ago]  *snorts in hilarity*

So far I actually really like Rosie Perez as Montoya.

Huntress!

*Huntress kills the mob people in the flashback*  That was awesome.  And the way Montoya steps back and forth to investigate the body is great.

“Harley Quinn just called open season on herself.”  And oop.

God, seeing Ewan as Black Mask is really gonna throw me off but man this is gonna be a great performance.

*jaw drops in horror when Zsasz removes someone’s FACE*

JESUS CHRIST HOLY SHIT RATED “R” HUH?!?

“Is that a snot bubble?”  Shit!

OHHHHH THAT SHOT OF ROMAN WITH THE MASK ON!!!  AAAAAAHHHH!!

The SATURATION IN THIS MOVIE

Also the soundtrack and aesthetic in this movie is very... “Suicide Squad”-esque

Man that sandwich looks good

*jaw drops when Harley accidentally throws her sandwich into the road*

Also they de-saturated everything again hahaha

Oh my gosh that guy [”Happy”] is HUGE

[GRIEVANCE:  COSMETIC VANDALISM]  Yeah, that sounds about right

“Par-ley??”  *snorts*

Her [Montoya’s] shirt....

Also why is she wearing that shirt at work?

This movie is giving me huge Tarantino vibes

Why does the actor that plays Montoya’s boss looks familiar?

Oh!  He’s Rufus in “Supernatural.”  Bobby’s kinda buddy!

“Ms. Montoya, we do have a dress code.”  There we go.

They are really just going back and forth in the timeline to cover everything, aren’t they?

Harley’s using nonlethal rounds?

The action set pieces in this movie so far are awesome.

*says “Run, piggy, run!” along with Harley*

Of course Dinah is singing “This Is A Man’s World”

Also I’ve seen like a 20 second Twitter compilation of Roman saying the f-bomb and it’s glorious

“We could make our own family.”  Oh snap.

WAIT THAT’S THE GUY WHOSE FACE ZSASZ REMOVED!

Does... Roman... like Dinah?  Like... that?  Or is this manipulation?

*chuckles when drunk Harley slides up next to Dinah at the bar*

*gets very uncomfortable at a guy trying to take advantage of a drunk Harley*

C’mon Dinah...

What’s the song playing here [when Dinah’s beating up the guys in the alley]?

Uh whatcha doing in the corner there, Zsasz?

“Oh sooongbirrddd?”  Noo...

Did I just see a street sign that said “ANUS”?

So is Cass faking a broken wrist or does she actually have a broken wrist?

So far my favorite characters are Montoya and Dinah.  Not gonna lie.

*has to muffle laughter when Roman does the mmkay hand sign* 

“I mean, I like crossbows!”  *giggles*

Holy shit, Zsasz is jealous of Dinah.

“Look at his little ears, the little haircut...”  *insane giggling*

ZSASZ IS DYING IN THE BACK I LOVE THIS SONG

Dinah is clearly rethinking some life decisions while looking at that statue of Roman

*jams out to “Sway with Me” by GALAXRA*

*Cass robs Zsasz of the diamond*  WHOOP!

*winces when Roman does acupuncture*

“SHE’s a chILDDD!!”  *laughs*

ZSASZ

Ho shit that shot of Roman on top of the stairs looking down at Harley

“VOTED FOR BERNIE” HAHAHA

*Harley completely derails Roman’s villain monologue*  THIS IS AMAZING

HE [Roman] GOT A BOWL OF POPCORN

*Zsasz licks Harley’s cheek*  EEUUUGGGHHH!!

Did that goon just pull a tampon out of Harley’s pocket?

I’M SORRY CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE PICTURE OF NUDE ELEANOR ROOSEVELT?

*gasps when Roman backhands Harley across the face*

OH HERE WE GO

HOLY SHIT THIS IS GREAT

ROMAN IN THE STRIPED SUIT

THE CHOREOGRAPHY

WHY WAS IT SO SHORT I LOVED IT

Where is this cover at on the official soundtrack?!?

“I’ll give you ‘til midnight.”  Hold on, hold on, what’s the timeline for this movie?

Harley’s just booking it in the background

Aaaand we’re back at the beginning!

Aaand there’s Harley!

Wait there’s about an hour left and we just now got to Harley meeting Cass?

CONFETTIIIII!!

Is she just using paint bombs on all the guards?

Harley, trying to enter the cells:  I AM PRESSING.  EVERY BUTTON.  I CAN FIND.

Why would they put Cass in the cell block with all the adults?

OH HALSEY!  COME THROUGH!

*Harley slides across the floor to knock a guy down*  OHHHH!!!

Daniel Pemberton’s orchestral score for this movie is reminding me an awful lot of “Into the Spiderverse”

Is that Katana’s sword?!?  How the hell did it get there?!?

WAIT SHE’S GONNA HUFF THE COCAINE?!?

Jesus, now THIS is Harley’s fighting style!  Holy crap!

*gasps when Harley gets kicked back and knocks off a car door off its hinges*

*jaw drops*  SHE JUST SET THAT DUDE’S BEARD ON FIRE

How does everyone seem to know where Harley is?

*Smash cut to Harley buying laxative for Dinah in the store*  Hahahahahaha!

“I do not care that you’re [Cass] a kid.”  Yeah, Harley, didn’t you uh... assist in the murder of Jason Todd in this universe?  Hmmm???

Wait so how long ago have Harley and the Joker been together?

Doc calls Harley “lotus flower”!

Those are the nuns from the school in the beginning!

She is actually... talking to the beaver

“[Joker] Sounds like a dick.”  I mean, yeah.

Also I just realized that Harley drew an actual dick in the Joker drawing’s mouth

HUNTRESS!

OH NOW WE’RE GETTING INTRODUCED TO HELENA!

*eyes widen in shock at the Bertenelli massacre*

*chuckles at the smash cut to Helena practicing in the mirror*

*Roman sees someone laughing in the club*  Oh no.

“Get on the table.”  Uh.

Oh no what is he doing?

“DANCE, ERICA!”  Ohh.  Shit.

“Take your dress off.”  *jaw drops in horror*

God, I cannot watch this.  Holy-

*has to avert eyes*

*Roman stops Dinah from leaving*  NO.

“You soothe me, little bird.”  AHHHHHHHHHHHHH-

OK, I can take a breather now.  Ohhhh my God...

They’re [Harley and Cass] really just having a girl’s night

BRUCE, NOOOOO!!!

“No one knew we were here except-”  DOC SOLD THEM OUT!

“This next bit ain’t very pretty.”  Oh boy.

“I [Roman] own this town.  You have my protection.”  Mmmmm... no?

Whoa this super dramatic cover of “Hit Me with Your Best Shot”

OH HE’S [Zsasz] GONNA SEE THE TEXT SHE [Dinah] SENT [to Montoya]!

*Roman starts to break down*  Oh.  Shit.

OH THIS MUSIC

*Roman puts the mask on*  OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

OH THIS IS GREAT

Also of course Joker and Harley had a hideout in Amusement Mile

*winces when Montoya punches Harley right in the boob*

*Harley kicks Montoya out the window*  Oh she dead

*gasps*  Zsasz!

Man that sideways shot of him is terrifying!

OH FRICK NO

JESUS I DON’T LIKE THIS

So is it implied that Zsasz only kills women or what?  I thought he was an equal opportunity killer?

“That’s why he [Roman] needs me [Zsasz] to look after him.”  Dude.

...did they just kill Zsasz?

Everyone except Harley is pointing guns at each other and all I’m thinking of is that scene from “The Office”

*snorts in hilarity for Harley clapping for Helena completing her kill list*

Oh Roman just brought a whole freaking army

OHHHH HE’S GOT THE MASK

Oh this music *chef’s kiss*

Oh my God is Roman gonna find Zsasz’s body?

Oh that crane shot out of the lair and back outside?  That’s some good shit.  Cathy Yan, I see you.

“I [Helena] DON’T HAVE RAGE ISSUES!”  DINAH’S FACE!

*Helena pounces on a goon in the slide down and kills him*  Geez that’s awesome

This whole set is great

*Helena gives Cass her old toy truck*  THIS MAKES ME SAD

Yeah when did Harley have time to put on her skates?

Some dude just gets shanked then leaps back up

That fight scene just went by real quick

*gasps when Roman shoots Montoya*

*jaw drops when Dinah does the Canary Cry*

*Harley gets sideswiped by one of Roman’s goons*  Yeah no there’s like half a rib cage gone

*Harley works on overtaking one of Roman’s goons’ car*  CRAZY TOWN BEEP BEEP!

*Harley backflips onto the top of Roman’s car*  OHHHH!

Founders Pier... geez that looks great

Wait are those all Roman’s goons just lining the dock or are those just statues?

Oh they’re all statues.  That’s creepy.

“exCUUSEE me?!?”  *snorts in hilarity*

*jaw drops when Cass tucks a grenade in Roman’s coat and activates it*

*still shocked when he FREAKING EXPLODES*

I’M SORRY THEY JUST KILLED OFF BLACK MASK

*Cass finally goes to the bathroom*  Finally!

“Does she always [Montoya] talk like the cop in a bad 80s movie?”  *laughs*

Guys Helena is great

*laughs when Helena laughs at the fact that Harley stole Dinah’s car*

“They call themselves the Birds of Prey.”  Yay!  Lemme see them again!

Harley’s jacket has a bedazzled vagina on the back of it

Look at Cass with her jacket and sunglasses!

“Yeah, I made the kid my apprentice.”  Yeah, that’s not gonna last long.

[sarahmaybank]

What do you think their first snow in paradise is like? (feel free to pretend Newt and Teresa are still around bc I know I do)

I hope you’re tucked in real nice and cozy!!!! this is more than four pages of notes!!!!! Lol.  Enjoy!!!!! I DID

This kind of went from first now in safe haven to skii lodge/winter cabin/Christmas AU lolllll anyways, [strums guitar] here’s snowy safe haven

When he first lays his eyes on the falling snow, Newt’s stomach swirls uncomfortably. An inexplicable dread washes over him. Thomas notices his sudden furrowed brows, taking Newt’s hand in his. “hey, you okay?” “…yeah.”

With his hand in Thomas’, Newt’s eyes would travel across the grounds, gravitating towards Sonya, who was sitting next to Harriet with the same confusion plastered on her face. Only to find, that she was already looking at him.

They both felt their chests tightening, fingers closing around their hearts like a vice. Sonya looked away. Newt…couldn’t. He didn’t know why, but when he looked at Sonya, he felt an urge to protectively wrap his arms around her and never let go.

Newt could see blurred faces. He could see white snowflakes floating, sinking, in the air through a small window. He could hear muffled voices, but no words could be distinguished.

Teresa would start a snowball fight, pelting Newt in the face and bringing him out of his daze.

She hit Thomas next while the two were trying to locate her, and soon a full on snowball fight was initiated.

Sonya and Harriet were using each other’s bodies for cover, giggling as they tried to throw their bodies in front of each other

Minho would THROW himself in front of Brenda with a dramatic “I’ll protect you!!” and she’d grab a handful of snow and shove it down the back of his shirt. 

They’d end up chasing each other across the beach that was now covered in a white blanket, throwing handfuls of snow at each other and not bothering to roll it into balls

 Chuck would make snow angels with Thomas and Teresa while Newt just stands beside them watching with a smile on his face.

Gally, Beth and Ben would help Chuck make igloos and snow forts with other kids

Minho would tease him about it and call him the safe haven Dad

Gally would shove him into a big pile of snow and walk away, but he’d be hiding a tiny smile because he secretly likes that title 

Frypan would make everyone hot chocolate

Thomas would spill his cup everywhere and Chuck would make a joke about how it looks like he klunked

Newt and Minho would l a u g h at the face Thomas made when he fell face first into the snow as he ran away from Teresa who was chasing him with a bunch of snowballs gathered in her arms

 “Looks like nothing’s changed, eh, Tommy?”

Alby would make snow people with the safe haven kids, stealing carrots from fry’s kitchen 

Fry doesn’t mind, he loves seeing how happy everyone is in this moment

Zart decorates his cactus with tinsel and one single bauble 

Zart pelts EVERYONE with snowballs, especially Gally. Zart has no fears. He is the last man standing. 

Newt wants no part in the snowball fight so he hides in one of the igloos Alby made (with Chuck’s help) until Thomas, Minho and Brenda find him and flush him out by throwing snowballs at him. Thomas and Minho let out a weird war cry.

 Thomas and Rachel sneak attack Aris, dumping heaps of snow on his head

Aris and Rachel find mistletoe

Aris reaches up to touch it and Rachel smacks his hand away – “NO touching the mistletoe. Leave it there.” “But I wanna.” She distracts him by kissing him under it instead.

Minho tricks Brenda into standing beneath the mistletoe. He tries to kiss her but she dodges it and he ends up kissing Gally.

Beth just bursts out laughing

That kiss was Gally’s Bi Awakening (because NO ONE IN TMR IS STRAIGHT DO NOT FIGHT ME ON THIS)

Gally sees the finished product of the igloo Beth was building with some kids: “that’s a…strong igloo.” “…it’s solid water that can melt from heat.”

Frypan watches them a few feet away like “hell no. i’m not dealing with you too.”

The ocean has frozen over because of the cold

Ice skating!!!

Sonya and Harriet are the best skaters, doing figure eights and other fancy moves while wearing matching mittens

Newt is SO UNCOORDINATED and Thomas tried to be a Good Boyfriend but forgets how clumsy he is and the two are falling all over the place

Thomas is crap at skating, but good enough to support Newt on the ice, who can’t be on his own because his leg doesn’t allow him. They just muddle around together closer to shore, laughing and in their own little world while Brenda laps them at speed

Brenda and Teresa hold hands and spin together

Frypan secretly teaches Newt to stake in the middle of the night. One morning at sunrise, Newt surprises Thomas.

Newt still isn’t great, but Thomas is so Proud of him and just kisses him when they’re a little further out from shore. They both fall and Thomas just sits there gazing at Newt lovingly and tearing up like wow

Jeff furiously curses the weather because he has to keep patching people up after they repeatedly get hammered by teresa’s snowballs, and because Newt and Thomas keep falling on the ice.

“How did you even get out there? Your leg–” “Just see if you can reach me without falling over, Tommy.” “Even with a gimp leg your boyfriend is better than you, Thomas!” “Minho, I will cut you with my skates.”

Brenda normalizes Newt’s leg injury on the ice and in any other activity because she knows how frustrating constant pity and concern is: “Come on, slow poke. Hustle a little!”

Zart brings his cactus on the ice and surprises everyone with how skilled he is at skating

Aris decided to eat a berry from the mistletoe plant he had found with Rachel earlier and now Jeff and Clint have to deal with that too

Jorge is Brenda’s personal cheerleader on the ice “esa es mi chica!” (’that’s my girl!” and calls her his hija (”daughter”) and mi corazón ALLLL the time [wow Jorge is the only dad i will ever accept as a Dad – AND VINCE. jfc]

After a day in the snow, everyone heads inside for the evening and cuddles up by the open fire that Gally and Alby built. They sit/sleep on whatever they have at their disposal from the times Jorge and Vince went scavenging for materials; their hammocks, rugs, maybe a few sleeping bags and worn mattresses

Frypan made hot chocolate for everyone

Thomas’ sleeping bag catches fire

Thominewt run outside and throw it in the snow. 

Newt makes Thomas sleep with him in his sleeping bag despite the very tight fit. “Newt there’s not enough room” ”Don’t be a twat about it, Tommy. Come on.” Newt gives him that same knowing innocent smile (LIKE THAT DAMN SMILE IN TDC WHEN HE WAS LIKE “lol you have no choice twat, we’re coming with you.”) while he sits in his sleeping bag in his pyjamas. Thomas slips in beside him and rests his head on Newt’s chest and they cuddle and aH

Gally spikes the hot chocolate

Newt drunkenly flirts with Thomas “guess we gotta share now, Tommy,”

Gally threw Minho’s right skate into the bonfire earlier

Minho calculated his moves carefully while trying to find it, growing annoyed at Gally and his stupid pranks

Ben saw Gally do it but didn’t say anything and just watched Minho slowly lose his mind over one missing skate

Minho started chasing Gally around with his left skate until Teresa pulled the safe haven Mom card and put them both in separate corners

Later that same evening when they went to light the bonfire, Frypan noticed something in it and tried to hide a laugh. “Min– are you still missing something?” “Gally – where is that shuckfaced Shank– I’m going to kill him.” “Minho no, wait! Someone stop him!”

Newtmas cuddling to stay warm

Snowflakes in Newt’s fluffy hair

Newt catches snowflakes on his tongue and Thomas just smiles at him

Rachel and Minho roll their eyes at everyone’s shenanigans and go get extra blankets

 Brenda and Jorge are both impartial to the cold

But Brenda tries to hide how much she is freezing

Rachel is used to the cold, but Aris isn’t. He gets cold easily.

Newt wears mittens

Thomas makes fun of him all the time, but when Chuckie (safe haven dog) accidentally bites a finger off of his glove, Newt give him his mitten and Thomas tries to hide how much he loves it but Newt stays silent and just gives him a knowing smirk

Sonya and Harriet don’t have gloves so they put their hands in each other’s pockets

Minho and Teresa hanging up mistletoe ALL OVER THE PLACE just to get everyone to kiss

Thomas and Newt give Chuckie one of Minho’s boots and tell him to hide it

Newt kisses Thomas under every single mistletoe

Newt drags Thomas under every single one, just so he can kiss Thomas repeatedly 

“Newt, come on i’m hungry” “There are only 7 more, Tommy, come on" 

Frypan is cracking up in the background. he keeps moving them so they LOOK like they’re new

Thomas is just rolling his eyes but he highkey loves it

Newt on skiis is WORSE than skates oh my GOD

Thomas on skiis is a recipe for disaster. He cannot control himself and in one go he takes out Minho, Brenda and Teresa 

Brenda and Harriet race down the slopes on their boards

Vince joins in after little persuasion from the two girls and Jorge

Jorge stands by, cheering his girls on and does not hide the impressed look on his face when he sees how skilled Vince is at snowboarding

Sonya and Minho are waiting at the bottom with hot chocolate and proud kisses

Minho totally snowboards like a pro. Someone gets whacked over the head with a ski. Someone mistakenly ends up on the DEATH LEVEL slope and four people end up wrapped around a tree

Gally sneaks off to the bunny slopes when no one is looking

Alby’s already there like “YOU TOO???”

Thomas and Newt share a ski lift

Thomas drops his hat. It smacks Gally in the face on a run down the slope 

Thomas kisses Newt and Minho from behind is all like “GET A ROOM!” Newt flips him off and doesn’t stop kissing him

Sonya and Harriet share a sled 

Being snowed in with a dwindling supply of food 

Game room in the lodge where Minho owns everyone at the dance games

Frypan finds two tennis rackets and says he’ll brave the wilderness to find rations

Christmas pyjamas

Sonya and Harriet wear matching onesies 

Brenda wears flannel. 

Sonya, Harriet, Aris and Rachel wear matching onesies with Aris’ fluffy boots

Christmas Morning - they can’t get Brenda to wake up. She sleeps like the dead. After 5 phone calls, 3 people knocking and 2 screaming her name, Gally climbs through her window from the outside ledge between their rooms. He shakes her awake. She punches him in the face.

She didn’t mean to - she’s saying that all morning. It was reflex. 

Gally’s black eye doesn’t believe her

Minho following Gally in through the window: “well consider me both scared and aroused.”

Sonya offers to add eyeshadow to the other eye to make it match. Harriet spits her drink out laughing

Gally threatens to lock them both out on the balcony

Sonya and Harriet share a look and shrug. They’re not mad about it. They go out there anyway

Newt and Thomas keep sneaking to the kitchen to steal gingerbread cookies. “NOT BEFORE DINNER!“ But Frypan sneaks Newt two of them that he made that are holding hands

Teresa helps Chuck rip his presents open and they throw the shreds of  wrapping paper at each other

Jorge takes a LOT of photos of everyone together

Jorge and Vince help Frypan prepare food – the two learn from him. 

Frypan has a soft spot for Brenda so he lets her have as many cookies as she wants, which she then splits in half and gives to Teresa

Teresa often supervises to make sure nothing chaotic goes on in the kitchen – Jorge and Vince try to tell her she doesn’t need to but she always counters with the time Gally almost cut Jorge’s finger off while subbing for Vince. Everyone vowed never to let Gally make food again after that.

Newt teases Thomas into wearing a matching christmas sweater with him: “You love ugly christmas sweaters, don’t you babe?” Thomas just grumbles. “Alright, fine, i look better than you would in it anyway.”

Later when Thomas comes down for Christmas dinner, he is wearing the sweater to match Newt’s, and Newt just melts. “So I do look better in it.” “Shut up,” Thomas tugs Newt over by his shirt collar and kisses him.

ALRIGHTTT that’s all I got so far, I may add more if I think of any! 

Huge thanks to my tmr fam for helping with this. 

Sorry it took so long (almost 3 months wow)!!! I hope you like these. 

Tagging: @glader-of-wicked @your-local-geek @newthomally @thomasnewts @comebacknow @seaselkie @demented-russian-empress-of-hell @harveylovesmike @museelo @abyssith

[base0h]

Ok hear me out ! Imagine Luffy falling for Buggy kid XD maybe reader was sailing alone to start their old crew only to join luffy’s crew how do you think Buggy would react that he’s kid is with stawhat , gosh I just see Shanks teasing him 🤣

a/n - right when I saw this. my purpose has been found 🫡 PLS THIS WOULD BE SO HILARIOUS OMG- TYSM FOR THE AWESOME REQUEST ANON YOU’VE BRIGHTENED MY DAY 😭😭😭💜💜

Warnings ⚠️ - g/n reader, chaos

- Buggy was so proud that you’d set out alone to find your own crew!

- of course he’s a bit worried about your safety, but you had to literally beg him not to send one of his crew with you lmao

- you had to pinch his nose to get him to shut up about all the dangers out at sea

- “Dad. You’ve never followed those rules.”

- …

- “.. w-well! That doesn’t mean I can’t tell you to tell me to follow them right?!”

- “Uh- captain that doesn’t make sense-“

- “SHUT UP!”

- According to Buggy, no, he didn’t cry when you set off to sea

- according to his crew? um.. Let’s just say there was a flood on deck lmao

- you’re his only kid

- Ofc he’s gonna protect you as much as he can

- When you were born, his whole treasure obsession rlly changed, and he focused on you :)

- You promised him that you’d be back sometime!

- He was really happy about that, but got embarrassed when everyone was looking at him 😭

- It was on the sea where you met the guy who would change everything

- strawhat, scar, and quite an.. appetite

- Monkey D. Luffy

- The captain of the strawhat pirates

- Being raised by a strong pirate was enough to give you all the training you needed!

- you were already well-prepared to fight and do whatever you needed to do

- something about you was.. unique to Luffy

- why was he drawn to you?

- he had only just met you and he found himself staring at you

- he had no idea what to do! He’s never felt this way after all!

- it was the little things that gave it away to you

- He’d ask if you wanted to go explore with him! He always asked you first

- He’d share some meat with you, and will try his VERY HARDEST to refrain from taking yours

- But when you feed him some of it, it makes his whole life just a bit brighter than before

- He gives you his hat sometimes!

- AND- he will ride on your shoulders to surprise you lmao

- if he falls asleep, he usually dozes off on your shoulder :)

- you were falling for this rubber man, how could you not?

- it was just- perfect

- back to buggy

- Buggy was flipping through some of the new bounty posters, and he stumbled upon Luffy’s

- He scoffed with anger, throwing it angrily out of his hands, the next bounty he landed on made his eyes widen

- “Y/n?!”

- Man was shook

- His little y/n who had only set out to sea a couple months ago already had a bounty of 90,000,000?!

- he smiled proudly, showing all of his crew and bragging about you to them

- “See?? I never doubted y/n! I wasn’t even worried!”

- “captain. You were crying earlier about y/n-san..”

- *inaudible struggling from buggy the clown*

- “Captain! That looks like Strawhat behind y/n! Look!”

- Buggy squinted carefully at the poster, and he started screeching at the top of his lungs

- Suddenly, a den den mushi started ringing, and he stomped over to pick it up

- “Is this Buggy’s ship?” A familiar voice asked

- “Y/n?!”

- “Hey dad! I joined a pirate crew! Did you see my bounty??”

- Buggy couldn’t help but smile at your excitement, he always loved to see you so happy

- “Yeah I did, but why’s strawhat in the background?? Do you need help? You know I can beat any pirate in seconds!”

- “Oh! Luffy, say hi to my dad. I’m with Luffy and his crew now! I love him a lot :)”

- Buggy almost dropped the poor fucking snail

- “Oh!! Hey Buffooon!” -Luffy

- “IT’S BUGGY YOU ASSHOLE! WHY ARE YOU WITH MY KID?!”

- “Huh???? I love y/n! You can’t have her back! Blehhhhhh!” Luffy was literally sticking his tongue out at a snail 💀

- I don’t think buggy had ever been this infuriated before, with Luffy not you

- you never knew of your dad’s past struggles with this guy

- right before he could even say a word, the line disconnected, meaning the snail on the other end was interrupted

- Buggy had to literally take 4 deep breaths to keep himself from imploding 😭

- shanks managed to catch word of this (shanks knows all the tea- 💅)

- “ABAHHAHAAHAHAH! WOW BUGGY! NOW YOUR KID EVEN LIKES HIM AHSBHSBH!”

- shanks wasn’t sober at all

- I don’t think he ever is

- he made fun of Buggy for the rest of the month before Shanks got busy with government stuff

- Still, buggy was frustrated that his mortal enemy, Monkey D. luffy,

- was your fucking boyfriend

a/n - I always resort to writing random buggy things bec he makes me so happy 😭

<3

[thatdamnokie]

today, i watched rocknrolla for the first time and kept a running tab of live commentary which can be found below the cut and is a stupid amount of ridiculous and will not make ANY sense unless you’ve also seen rocknrolla and like--have some vague memory of how the movie happens because this was all pretty much stream-of-consciousness or whatever.

yoooo i dig the opening song. okay. off to a good start.

for real thought the dark castle logo was hogwarts fml

is that… mark’s voice?

who is this muscular motherfucker?

LOOK AT THAT FUCKING BONG PIPE THING

that’s as tall as a toddler what the fuck

look at all these people in this movie!

THAT WAS MARK

mr. strong ladies and gentleman

… wait lenny looks super familiar, what else have i seen him in.

this all seems very complicated.

idris and gerard!

counselor’s cute too

why is everyone in this movie so fucking cute

WHERE ELSE HAVE I SEEN THIS GUY

every time mark speaks i jump

wait is that—gerard’s actual accent?

lenny, you are a terrifying dude.

and mark i want to ruffle your hair.

archie, that profile, sweet gracious.

… fuck he’s in the background and i just can’t stop looking at him.

this all sounds very, very complicated.

he calls him “len” omg

“do i look like a fucking immigrant” u h m

okay so pretty sure i don’t like lenny, they should just let archie be the leader

enter the russiannnsss

your sweater is dumb russian guy

i like his accent though

guys i don’t know enough about real estate hustling to be able to explain this to another person

aw sweet russian sweater man giving him his painting

… wait no camera man show me the painting

“whiskey is the new vodka” sure yuri whatever you say

lenny i can shoot whiskey better than you can you fucking bitch

dude you can’t hold your sauce can you?

archie

archie help him

fuck he is so handsome

that jawline

“famous archie smile” I WANNA SEE

dude you need to be nicer to people when whiskey makes you that sweaty?

… i’m sorry but i think i could outdrink arch’s boss???

bless whoever made mark narrator

yooooo stella!

i like her!

dude she looks boss as fuck

“i don’t feel like smiling”

dude a marriage of convenience where you don’t have regular sex sounds awful

“welcome to the—speeler?” did he say speeler?

tom!

some of the names in the opening credits didn’t look familiar but these faces do.

wait is gerard gay or was he making a joke?

that. accent. gracious.

just picture that growling in your ear. fuck, i want a british boyfriend guys. i mean it.

i like the color scheme of all this like everything’s—muted, but still classy?

okay i dig 1-2 and stella’s broship.

can you imagine just calling him twelve to save time

“just a black eye, nothing more.”

dude she has louboutins! or something like them! the ones with the red bottoms, i’m probably misspelling it.

hanging out at the country club. very classy.

arch, you’re all limbs.

… you’re also scary.

duuuuude he has a way of talking that just makes me nervous. like an undercurrent of a threat, things implied…

“in there like swimwear” i’m stealing that.

duuuuude lenny’s robe though?

i got office envy! look at that desk.

WHO FALLS BACKWARDS IN THEIR CHAIR

oh shit they took the painting

… that i still don’t know what it looks like, guys let me see it

len you are boned.

“and archie’s gonna have to go… to work.”

he is literally the tallest dude in every shot.

is he giving him slapping lessons rn.

… yes he is.

oh

oh

oh no

JESUS

ARCHIE

we do NOT HIT PEOPLE

gracious.

i’m torn because on one hand, that would probably really fucking hurt, his hands are probably as big as my fucking face

on the other hand—would i let mark strong slap me?

… maybe.

“but you keep the receipts because this ain’t the mafia”

idrisssss

fuck if he smiled at me like that i’d do whatever he said too

“everybody have fun tonight! <3” :D EVERYBODY WANG CHUNG TONIGHT

“now fuck off”

oh twelve

ugh all the style in this movie.

wardrobe goals.

i want that bag.

“… maybe.” bro you said that like you wanted the d, and i can’t say i blame you.

i like how yuri says london.

for a split second i thought that was tom holland???

ohhhhh what’s gonna happen now!

does everyone just like—drive mark around in these movies

OMG it’s the same money

this shit is hysterical

i want to mess his hair up. because if we were in public he’d probably hate it and tbh i’d be too scared to do it but maybe privately…

guys… i feel like i’d fit into the uk.

ohhhhh an INFORMANT

… oh that dude is cute!

oh that dude is CRAZY

oh, drugs, right. these are the drugs i do not do.

his name is TWELVE archie

see, he’s so good at being quietly threatening

his laugh is so… <3

i think ship stella and yuri—

oh FUCK i forgot she was married

he’s also gay as shit, yuri

dude she just got so sad…

“you devil”

oh duuuuuude

you want that v so bad and it is so obvious

they both have nice hands.

poor bob. :(

twelve you sweet scottish bastard.

OH

UHM

OKAY

that’s a twist.

twelve noooo

dude be cool

DUDE

DUDE THIS IS NOT HOW YOU HANDLE THIS

CALM DOWN

oh my god

duuuuude, twelve.

dude.

bob. bob honey i am so sorry.

is he crying? T.T

TWELVE DO SOMETHING

“no I’M FUCKING SORRY”

YEAH WELL YOU SHOULD BE

a—a poof?

is ‘poof’ a bad word?

guys i don’t know anything about british slang.

bob honey relax…

ohhhhh i’m not sure if that was a smart question to ask right that second.

archie, you’re so classy and wonderful and probably wouldn’t freak out on people like that. probably.

this van gentleman is so delightful ( i am so bad at names rn )

so his nickname is van gentleman.

TANK

there we go.

i like this broship.

in which arch continues to be all. fucking. leg.

OH SHIT

i was NOT PREPARED

“like most things american they’ve eaten the natives” i mean…

i really like his comparison of the crayfish and greed, but like… i also really want bbq now… (have you HAD bbq crayfish? shit’s delicious.)

also HOLY SHIT was not expecting them to be stuck on him like leeches? that’s terrifying.

archie has like—this hidden mercy about him… like he got a weird look on his face and i couldn’t tell if it had to do with the quid dude or putting the other guy back in with the crayfish.

it’s his STEPSON?

ohhhhh an american!

oh he is handsome.

mickey. <3

what else have i seen this rocker dude in…

“ladies of the pole”

mickey’s hat ftw

oh this fedora guy is cute.

JUNE

i love that name AND her bangs!

this movie was a phenomenal soundtrack

aaannnddd definitely thought that dude was masturbating for a second

wait is that the guy from the beginning?

LENNY

... wwwooooowwww

lenny is an ASSHOLE

LENNY

johnny, johnny honey you do not deserve this

why is this movie full of people who deserve better than they got???

LENNY don’t you DARE

that is NOT OKAY

FUCK YOU

gosh, kid, bless your heart…

SHOW ME THIS FUCKING PAINTING

there are so many different accents in this movie and all it’s doing is confirming the fact that i never left my “i want a boyfriend with a nice voice” phase

“guns nuns and cowboys” idk what this bonanza thing is but i’m in

johnny you are very scary and i’m sorry that your stepdad made you like this.

dude stop touching june?

“it’s tasty and exotic—a bit like your june.” lenny you’re disgusting.

that’s an intense line of questioning, lenny.

this fucking painting.

ARCHIE

STOP FUCKING WITH THE MICROPHONE

oh my god

i literally just want him to never stop talking

omg bob.

dude twelve looks piiiiiiissed.

i think… i missed a part of the plot.

guys i want to be a part of this world but i’m only able to say that because no one’s very asked me to like… torture someone.

or sleep with someone gross.

victor you handsome bastard.

russian is such a guttural language i love it

FUCK YOU LENNY

at least you’re getting better at shooting your whiskey? fucking asshole.

like i like him less and less because he’s just GROSS you guys

jk could still outdrink him.

if you touch archie lenny i will reach through his screen and rip your face off.

i really wouldn’t be threatening someone who could snap you in half but okay

who the hell is cookie?

COOKIE

you look like a one-many party

omg where are your pants

cookie

cookie i love you you disaster of a man

omg i want to be invited to one of these parties

like just let me relax in a corner with an old fashioned and a cute boy

OHHH THEY FUCKED

OH

OKAY

that explains a lot

dude bob that’s—okay but like they thought he was going to prison, that was just an accident

wait does archie know?

dude stella i want to be your friend so you can help me with my wardrobe

… twelve. twelve what are you doing.

stella looks so fucking unimpressed

YEAH BECAUSE SHE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING

dude, stella, girl, i’m sorry

at least one of you can dance

oh bertie you gay as shit

stella why did you marry this man

i like this closed captioning thing they’re doing.

who. is. the. informant.

“and remember—i *am* dangerous.” yes you are baby.

bertie you are so awkward

bob. bobby no. D:

BOB

oh bertie don’t act like you didn’t like getting bossed around i saw it in your face

y’all he is fucking ENAMORED

i’d go see this guy live.

that bouncer wasn’t fucking around. one hit knockouts.

… john. johnny. what are you doing

JOHNNY DO NOT STAB THE BOUNCER

HE IS MAKING ME SO NERVOUS

HOLY SHIT

JOHNNY

ALL RIGHT COOL LET’S JUST SHANK THE BOUNCER

johnny you are batshit crazy

“fucking mutt” wait, what does that mean?

mumbles is a handsome man.

ohhhh this is an awkward conversation.

“made a pass.” right.

ohhhh. oh he knows.

twelve, dude, i’m sorry.

he looks so uncomfortable.

but hey like this means they didn’t fuck so that’s a thing?

boooob, sweetheart. <3

they’re all such good mixes of good and evil.

except lenny. fuck lenny.

ooooo that lady has pretty hair.

oh wait THAT’S cookie?

then who was pantsless homie?

this movie has such a big cast and i can keep track of like four people.

this club lounge place looks cool though.

he helped him get off the rock? that’s pretty rad.

p.s. this movie has a great soundtrack tbh.

all the same kiddos maybe just stick to weed and the occasional hallucinogens

say no to cocaine and crack

oh, johnny. :(

buddy.

holy SHIT this guy’s scars though!

DUDE

how many scars do these russian guys HAVE

… ADJNSJANSOAPSLKKJADSM

TRAIN

OKAY

WAIT NO TRUCK

JESUS

… more scars i guess?

… wait i wonder if archie has scars like that?

ohhhhh noooo yuri.

yuri did your friends die?

LENNY you’re racist and i do not like you.

oooohhhh why do i feel like so many bad things are gonna happen in the last part of this movie.

twelve you’re limping my baby who hurt you

… oh

OH

THAT is who hurt you

also i ship those two russian guys

i like how stella was apparently just watching the entire thing from a distance

and then has the audacity to critique him lmfao

holly shit right into a STOREFRONT

dude NONE of y’all are having a good day

this entire scene is fucking—something else

guns

knives

golf clubs

just

anything you can pick up and use as a weapon at all

WHAT THE FUCK

ARE THESE DUDES JUST INDESTRUCTIBLE

“ABANDON SHIP RUN FOR YOUR LIVES”

YEAH BITCH AGREED

OH SHIT COPS

BOB ARE YOU JUST GONNA WAVE LIKE THEY’RE YOUR BROS

THIS IS STRESSFUL

PARKOUR

bob you look like a puppy

and twelve looks like a zombie

and then there’s mumbles who just stole the coolest bike helmet i’ve ever seen

twelve, honey, you just can’t catch a break

dude russian guy is fucking RIPPED

kudos to who did the cinematography of this because it looks fucking cool

this is the slowest high-intensity chase i’ve ever seen

ripped and covered in blood. i dig it.

twelve you faker

oh hi ruskies

archie do you own any clothing that’s not black, grey or blue…?

fuck i love that jacket, but it’s so long it just makes him look even taller

LENNY

YOU NEED TO NOT BE SO FUCKING RACIST?

and get your hands off his testicles!

gracious.

everyone in this movie needs jesus.

johnny stop calling him pedro.

can…. can i see the painting please.

please.

guys.

this poor scottish guy.

yuri got cake.

johnny… sorta reminds me of freddie mercury in some of these shots? for like a few seconds at a time.

… okay so i’m full of dread between this monologue and what’s happening on the golf course.

lenny. buddy. you really got like. not do that. stop calling everyone immigrants

OH SHIT

GET HIM

GET HIM VICTOR

YOU GO BABY

this is a weird juxtaposition in terms of scenes though?

like

lenny getting his legs beat

and johnny’s super sad speech about the cigs

dude i can’t bring myself to feel bad for len.

wait where’s archie?

“and that is also why i cannot give that painting back.”

this is a set up for something really really bad.

and then they have moments where they act like dudes i know and i warm up to pete and johnny.

bobby stop fucking with that poor man. you’re gonna make him fall in love with you.

“i’m going back to bed.” “can i come?”

*smack* okay, that shit was funny.

johnny you need some chicken.

oh these motherfuckers.

… guys i wanna be a rocknrolla

lmao a protest

that flat looks disgusting.

dude you need to treat your bro better

ASJANSJASN

THEY TOOK THE PAINTING

CAN I SEE IT

LET ME SEE THIS FUCKING PAINTING

OH MY GOD THIS IS GREAT

if this movie ends without me seeing this fucking painting i’m going to kill someone

good man cookie.

TANK’S WATCHING P&P

COOKIE YOU DA REAL MVP

gerard’s laugh though

OH

… well then

like if she wasn’t so unhappy in her marriage i’d feel bad

THE INFORMANT YES TELL ME

… sydney shaw?

“where did he learn a word like pseudonym?”

awwww he likes her…

oh she likes him!

okay good because that sex didn’t look romantic at all.

“you’ve got very good taste mr. one-two.”

lenny fuck you.

you’re gonna be alive for like three more years, relax.

archie. <3 that protectiveness—even if it is for lenny.

aaannnnddd enter the russians.

what a clustfuck.

wait TWELVE

DAMNIT TWELVE

OPEN YOUR EYES

… oh you are FUCKED

ooosajdnaksdjnajsdna this is anxiety-inducing

y’all this is why drugs are bad

and then nice outside scene. birds chirping. looks like a lovely day.

oh shit ARCHIE WITH A GUN

there’s no way that twelve is still alive

what the FUCK

am i SEEING

dude archie, me too

omg ARCHIE HELP HIM

that SMILE

dude i’d laugh too

OH

OH SHIT

welp.

okay, we all figured archie was gonna kill people

put your FUCKING TONGUE BACK IN YOUR MOUTH

wait he SHOT TWELVE?

omg everything is happening at once.

wait, stella, what’d you do?

OMG

dude she looked FREAKED OUT

yuri… dude, what are you doing…?

UHM

WHAT

WAIT

WHAT IS HAPPENING

STELLA YOU LITERALLY FUCKED TWELVE LIKE A SECOND AGO

ohhhhhhhhhh

ohhhhhhh noooooo

ohhhhh NOOOOO

oh stella, honey you in danger girl

archie looks a thousand percent done and he’s been around this kid thirty seconds

wait archie was in prison?

this sydney shaw person put arch in prison…

duuuuuude younger!archie ;-;

“uncle arch” T.T

WHAT the fuck, lmao

just whipping out his gun, nbd

archie stop that. they’re babies.

johnny man you’ve—been fucked up for a while.

dude archie you look miserable.

ohhhh nobody died.

THANK YOU ARCHIE

GET HIM

i hate this entire family.

who all is about to die in this weird basement silent hill place.

… dude. johnny’s face though.

like i’ve felt like NO sympathy for lenny this entire time but i feel bad for johnny. :/

“a hot bath and a cold razor”

… dude

“because you’re poison john.”

o u c h

but like he is CRAZY

like

help i don’t know who to feel for

i feel for everyone

… except lenny

OH SHIT

WHAT THE FUCK

LENNY

JESUS

DUDE

HE IS GOING TO KILL HIS OWN STEPSON

what the fuck is happening.

YES THE INFORMANT

wait.

WAIT.

IT’S FUCKING LENNY????

OH MY GOD

“you are a VERY dirty bastard sydney.”

WHAT THE FUCK

WHAT

THE

FUCK

NO

STOP KILLING EVERYONE

I CANNOT DEAL WITH THIS

NO NO NO NO  NO NO NO

NO NO NO NO THIS ISN’T WHAT I WANTED

this is STRESSFUL

“put your hands up!”

*thud*

okay that was funny

THE BOYS!

oh, archie.

oooohhhhh… all this shit…

archie. fuck, you can hear the betrayal in his voice.

shit, this is sad.

“there is no spring without a winter. no life without death.”

… archie?

oh a time skip!

oh SHIT johnny got a GLO UP

“c’mon then give us a cuddle”

i’ll GLADLY you give you a cuddle

OH MY GOD THE PAINTING

SHOW ME

S H O W M E

… you literally put those russian guys in pieces, didn’t you archie.

you terrifying motherfucker.

GUYS I WANT TO BE IN THIS WORLD

FUCK YOU GO GET THEM JOHNNY

... wait was there supposed to be a sequel?

… WAIT

WAIT  NO

NO

YOU FUCKING SHOW ME THAT GOD DAMN PAINTING

oh my god.

fuck it.

fuck that.

nope.

like mid-credit scenes are the least y’all can do.

… wait is that tom and gerard just like fucking with each other, it might be, that’s sort of adorable.

dude that gay club looks like fun though.

i don’t dance because i’ll spill my drink but.

awwwww guys i could watch them dance forever, like, this shit is funny.

ohhhh i hope this means that archie becomes the new lenny. he’d be a much better lenny.

and now we sway to this groovy end credit music while i sit and seethe in hatred that i never saw the painting and i’m pissed about it. :))))))

… fuck.

welp, guess i’ll just have to write shit about how the fuck this dude falls in love with a cop then.

[bestfluteninja]

actual things my teachers have said

these are all legitimate quotes from my teachers the first semester of my freshman year of high school, recorded verbatim. i’m dead serious.

“I know how to make a shank out of a toothbrush”

“Color it a light black”

“I don’t do nature”

“You sound like a French mattress commercial”

“Don’t ever use Wikipedia in English. They get twitchy.”

“It’s important! It’s noodles!”

“We have all kinds of deserts. Have you ever been to Utah?”

“Heck yeah, I can hook you up with candy”

“You might just die”

“If you took a scan of my brain, the math part would be all shriveled like a walnut”

“I think I’m allergic to hurricanes”

“Is there not some actor you have a crush on?”

“I could verbally beat someone down within an inch of their life”

“It’s only donated if you’re dead”

“Isn’t he the prettiest man you’ve ever seen?”

“She’s, like, a queen”

“When I saw a Disney castle I wept”

“I’m getting the feeling that you like this class so much you want to take it again”

“Matching is not a skill that is actually useful”

“Now the ne and pas sandwich has lettuce”

“We’re not gonna be doing anything school-related”

“Mosquitoes are like, ‘I’m harmless, UNLESS I HAVE MALARIA’“

“I accidentally said ‘shit’ to my seventh graders”

“Memes are like a fine...grape juice”

“I’m always out for them French memes”

“How does one get the Despacito song out of their head? Asking for a friend”

“Lowest score wasn’t even failing? Fantastic? I’m not used to this?”

“I hate that Tom Brady’s that good. It just eats away at my soul”

“Death is not the most pleasant subject”

“Leave that one in the dust”

“She is going to drink...grape juice”

“We’re not going to Europe with that chalk-covered heathen”

“They were fascinated by mercury. It’s a liquid! It’s a solid! Ooh, it’s both!”

“What I’m going to give you is something I’ve stolen”

“Last year we had a Putin fan club”

“Tu t’appelles background person number one”

“We’ve got a field trip to the outside today”

“I have three pairs of thousand-dollar roller skates”

teacher: “Forty years ago, my high school Spanish...” student: “Can you speak any of it still?” teacher: “...muy poco”

“This brings me physical pain, then and than”

“I can blame texting for the capitalization”

“We’re in Indiana, where we’re lazy with our speech”

“ASS”

“Don’t tell me if you’ve never seen Star Wars. I don’t want to know that about you”

teacher: “Any drinks?” student: “Bourbon” teacher: “Wouldn’t that be nice”

“I don’t believe in dinosaurs”

“If you break my lead, I will come to your house and yell at you”

“It’s raining extra credit”

“What’s that sugar that’s powdered...pOWDERED SUGAR”

“I’ve got cats, I don’t need cute”

“I haven’t screwed up today and I don’t want to at 7:12 a.m.”

“You can imagine little highschool me. Probably scary”

“Let’s keep our expletives food-related”

“I spent way too much time looking up gifs of bunnies washing their faces”

“She overthrew her brother because she was smarter than him. Notice how I smile when I say these things?”

“I might come by and tap you on the head and say ‘oh, my child’“

“You are educated people”

“You’re just learning all kinds of things today”

“Don’t play with snakes”

“People love that, when you tell them you’re smarter than them”

“Command me to do something school-appropriate”

“Die! Yes! Fantastic!”

“I can spell Becky however I want”

“Who just said ‘what are reflexive verbs’ because I will see how far I can shove this chalk up your nose”

“I don’t tend to shop in the fashion mall, way above my pay grade”

“Someday I’m gonna get in trouble for statements like this”

“Out of nowhere, she turned and asked me, ‘do you know where I can get a goat?’“

“You live in an apartment above a storefront. You can’t go butchering a goat”

“I don’t want to waste a bunch of iodine. It’s expensive”

“If you’re outside during a tornado, what are the opportunities? The opportunity to fly”

“I bought a finger puppet because that’s who I am”

“I can connect with children because I am a child”

“C’mon, Google, we’re buds”

“Go for the jugular”

“You’re not rude, Logan” [logan leaves the room] “HE’S SO RUDE”

“I have a master’s degree in how to put the screen up and down”

“I’m taking your grade down with me”

“Yes, bring a calculator and a fondue machine to class every day”

“Woman, yes, that’s a word”

“Hell is empty because Satan is a physical therapist”

“Sit in chairs, that’s what they’re for”

“There was whimpering...”

“You are limited to what you can accomplish in life if you have poor grammar”

“I’m not allowed to flip students off, right?”

“You can’t BS your way through an AP test”

“Your inhibitions are what prevents you from climbing on a table in the lunchroom and singing the national anthem”

“These ladies will throw themselves in front of a bus to save cursive”

“It’s the same snowman, but he’s holding a knife”

“You gotta laugh or you’ll cry yourself to sleep every night”

“No one’s gonna say ‘equal’ or I’ll have to hurt myself”

“I am not a beach person”

“Santa isn’t real”

“Kill is one. Drink is another. I might be doing both. We’ll see how this goes.”

“That was where we talked about rhubarb, and constipation”

“I need two indentured servants to help me”

“Watch this: ass”

“Tomorrow is Mongol day”

“And then lots and lots of peasants”

“Slicing is the most effective”

“It’s the Mongols! They’re coming!”

“There’s no science to green bean casserole”

“The North Atlantic is treacherous. Just ask the Titanic”

“Either way, the women were screwed”

“Using numerous sports analogies”

“Stop just saying things, think about them”

“Always talk about death in your essay”

“Fight me. How about that, children?”

“Whoever’s denying children insurance should die”

“Don’t go home and get me in trouble”

“You do not know what pot brownies are”

“When life hands you deodorant, laugh at it”

“I’m not certain about a lot of things in life, but I can tell you this is gonna be okay”

“Stop fighting! It’s Christmas! Santa is watching!”