#shai is so ocd

[jakowskis]

counted up alllll my tw fic and it's... 170k words 🙃 in 14 months 🙃 and im still not sick of these assholes. dude im gonna be here for a whileee. head in hands

[davycoquette]

Get to Know Me Tag

Thank you for tagging me, @sabewebb!

Rules: Answer the questions because I want to get to know you better :D

Do you have a pet?

I have a black cat named Squeak! She has a wonderful personality and my fiance and I love spoiling her. We joke that she's a dog in cat form.

Comfort food?

I have a couple! Country steak and rice or beef stew and rice, macaroni noodles in milk, pintos and cornbread. I think some of these are telling about the part of the US I'm from; I welcome guesses.

How many languages do you speak?

✨ One. ✨ I took four years of Spanish and I have tons of opportunity to use it daily at work, but lack of discipline means I'm nowhere near fluent and can pretty much communicate at a toddler's level. So, I'm not counting it as a second language; just one I can kinda read lmfao.

Random fact about yourself.

I got the ol' OCD somethin' fierce. It influences my writing a little bit (and just about every other aspect of my existence), which is evident in my character's names. I have a magical thinking worry about every letter of the alphabet, meaning some are Forbidden™️ to begin names with. So, you'll find my characters often have really similar names to each other and for many it's confusing and irritating. (Shiloh, Silas, Shady, Shay, etc.) ✨

Something you're proud of?

This is a really difficult question for me to answer because I'm not proud of myself - but every once in a while I write something I feel proud of! I am not likely to say which things. 🤠

Gently tagging:

@kuebiko-writing

@illarian-rambling

@daily-haley

@winvyre

[mementoshay]

Hello. When I read the tragedy about Shay, I could not believe that this was someone else's problem. Because right now I want to be gone. And not only from fandom. I would like to talk to you if you would like. I feel as if I am the only one in the world right now. I have been a Radiohusk shipper for about two years now, posting pictures on Twitter and even interacting with some of them. It has been a fruitful environment and time for me. It was a peaceful time, as Doc said. I have OCD and often feel unstable. Radiohusk and my shipmates were the ones who calmed the waves until now. Since the publication of this edition, those waves have remained rough. My favorite ship is constantly denounced, and even my not-so-great drawings get cruel quote retweets. I hated drawing. Now I don't even pick up a brush. Also, a number of shippers who were my friends have already left the fandom. It is like an island in the sea. My OCD has been tormenting me for a long time, but what torments me the most is that the trend doesn't seem to end. Is there any safer space anywhere? I am despairing because I am sure there is no more. Thanks for reading, and I hope you have a great time. I hope you will reply to me.

Hello, I'm very sorry for the big delay, but as we said, we all took a break for mental health reasons.

Before we continue, here's a list of hotlines that might be able to help you whenever you feel like there's no escape. Also feel free to reach out to us via DM at any time either here or via Twitter to let us know how you're doing.

Please do not neglect your mental health. Make sure to be followed by professionals and regularly express your thoughts and emotions with them so that you can be supported and advised properly.

This ask brings back strong memories because this theme is a recurring one, first with Shay, then with other people who came to us in private.

The bad news is, we have really no way of going back in time. But the good news is, painful as it can be, we can adjust and make the best of what comes our way going forward.

If these characters and their relationship are important to you, it's okay for you to not let go of them, but it's also important that you try to not connect them to your own pain. Fortunately, they're fictional: no matter what you or other people choose to do with them, nothing really changes, so you can really do whatever you please with them.

I think what seems to have worked for most of those we have spoken to is to form their own little "niche" of like-minded people. Value quality over quantity, so to speak. Find those who feel the same as you (and trust me, they exist), create your own little community, may it be on Twitter, Discord, etc. Draw together, write together, share ideas and build up from there.

What seems to have helped another member is to make their own iteration of some of the characters, with a mix-and-match of Ms. Medrano's old versions, which they liked better. Again, it's fiction, so the limit truly only is the sky.

However, please do not make Shay's mistake to try and find the solution to your personal struggles within internet communities. Reach out to your friends and family, talk to them. Find like-minded people to connect with.

And never forget how strong and resilient you can be! Thank you for your trust. I'm so sorry for the long wait. Hoping to hear from you soon. - Eden

[zukishaylupo]

New intro post, you can see our old intro posts by looking for "intro post" as a tag on our blog.

Hello, this is mainly my fictionkin account for my ockin, Zuki Shay Hara-Lupo. I am a noncanon MHA/BNHA being/creature. You can call me Zuki, Shay, or Lupo, whatever you prefer!

My canon was divergent from the manga and anime. If you want to know more about my canon, send in an ask, or you can see some things on my original intro posts. The only thing I will mention here is that UA was a college instead of a high school, so my class and I were all 18 at the start of the first year at UA.

In this life, the body is currently 19, so keep that in mind. We don't mind minors interacting. Just know I (the host) am more hesitant to interact with minors myself.

We try and make sure our posts are all tagged well, especially for tw or cw, if you see a post of ours that doesn't have a tw or cw that needs to be tagged tagged, then let us know and we'll fix it.

We are alterhuman/nonhuman in more ways in this life and in my (the host) life as Zuki, so that will also be brought up on our account.

We will not answer/post any donation asks if you want to know why you should be able to find the posts we made about it by using the tag "no donation asks." [Had to make this bigger and bold, so hopefully, people will listen]

We will block for any reason. Especially when it comes to hate.

This is an endo safe space. We will not judge systems/plural beings for their origins. If you don't like this, leave.

We are also disabled, both in this life and in my (the host) life as Zuki, so that will also be on our blog. [In this life for all the ones after this]. We are autistic and ADHD for sure. We have a learning disability and depression as well diagnosed. We believe we might have OCD and PTSD but are not sure yet. I know we have some form of anxiety, but it's not diagnosed. We all (alters) experience these disabilities so yeah.

Because of our disabilities, we need a service dog in this life. [I also had one as Zuki]. We will likely post more about the service dog when we finally get our stuff together and do more about it.

We are plural. The terms that seem to fit our origin right now are; quoigenic, unknown, and cryptogenic.

- Zuki Shay Lupo (They/it/hx/xe/ze/he + more neos/xenos) | currently a they/it time for my pronouns

Mostly try to bold edits

Edits from Oct 22 to Nov 7: Added tag things, changed words on some tag things, changed parts of the post, added parts to the post, and edited the sign off on the post.

Edit from Nov 8: Edited signoff tag things.

Edit Nov 11: Edited signoff tag things

Tags that are for specific things;

# howling and barking at the moon - poems/poetry

# howling into the past - past life/kin memories good

# barking into the past - past life/kin memories bad

# woof woof reblog - rebloging alterhuman/nonhuman stuff or adding alterhuman/nonhuman stuff in my reblog

# other reblog - rebloging without alterhuman/nonhuman stuff

# confused howling - questioning system/plural stuff, including origin and alters

# disabled pup - disability things

# meowing in confusion - idk this is just for when I am confused about something

# little pup - sfw age regression things when pup is used to refer to me

# little kitten - sfw age regression things when kitten/kit is used to refer to me

# howling barking and meowing - talking about stuff tag, idk lol

# tri beta noises sfw - sfw misceverse stuff

# tri beta noises nsfw - nsfw misceverse stuff

# multi noises - system/plural things

# multi reblog - system/plural reblogs

# 💚🩵🐾🪶 - Shay/Zuki Shay Lupo | host and MHA/BNHA kin put together, lol

# 🌊🔷️🌟🎨 - Lakey | alter

# 😺🤎🍓🥓 - Declan (The cat face changes based on mood of post) | alter

# 🐈🐈‍⬛🍗🥛 - Lynix | alter

# 🐺🦾🦿🤖 - Oynx Afton (the middle two are supposed to just represent animatronic shit) | no idea whether this is a kin or an alter, lol

# 🟤🐺🐾🌕 - Phalen Lupe (supposed to represent werecanine/werewolf) | either kin or alter

# 🗣💚🦮🥦 - Shirley | alter

# 🐺🌠😇😈 - Vesper Lucian (supposed to represent fallen angel) | now we are kinda thinking this is an alter

# 🩵🦴🐾🪽 - Cyan Lupo | RWBY kin

# ❓️⁉️❔️🤔 - ? (don't know who the fuck this person is, think they are an alter though?)

# 💬🗣❓️❔️- When confused who is fronting

[realhousewives-fan]

This Show is Not Good as Gold

I’ve been away for a while, but now I’m back.

As the world continues to be a dark and troubled place, watching shows over-running with toxicity hasn’t been high on my list.

Especially with the way this season of Vanderpump Rules has been unfolding. It has been exhausting to watch.

And with the scandal of RHONJ and Kenya Moore on top of it all? I wasn’t exactly excited about watching Bravo.

I don’t like the way the producers have allowed Tom Sandoval to portrait himself on the show.

I don’t like that Lala Kent and Scheana Shay are joining Sandoval in trying to make Ariana Madix look bad.

It’s starting to resemble my worst fears for this season. Hopefully the fans can see through the bullshit.

This could’ve been a season of women empowerment, but sadly it reminds me more of how I would imagine it would be like to swim with sharks.

It blows my mind how self-centered Scheana is and completely clueless about how disrespectful she is with her friendship with Ariana.

It’s as if she wants to be the main victim of Scandoval.

Yes, I get that she got a restraining order against her. I’ll even buy the OCD. But her blatant complaints about why things couldn’t be all about her, is like nails down a chalkboard.

It seems like she’s beyond jealous about Ariana’s gig with DWTS, and she seems desperate to secure a friendship with Sandoval.

What can be the reason for her desperate need to be close to him?

She claimed that he gave her a lot of money during the pandemic, so… now we know that her loyalty has a price tag, I guess.

But could it possibly be a deal with the producers to secure a spot on Bravo, as Vanderpump Rules has a very uncertain future ahead? On The Valley perhaps?

It just saddens me that Lala and Scheana allow themselves to be used as paws by the producers. Especially with Sandoval, who clearly has an agenda.

He wants to redeem himself and villainize Ariana, and the producers are helping him.

[prettyhennytea]

The highly anticipated season premiere of Vanderpump Rules kicked off with some intense drama and strained relationships. Let's dive into the key moments and dynamics that unfolded in this episode. One notable absence in the episode was Sandoval Maloney, who was unable to participate due to his involvement in another series he was filming. However, Ariana opens up in her room about the ongoing communication between Sandoval and Rachel, who ultimately decided not to continue on the show. Ariana reveals that she now only communicates with Sandoval through his assistant and shares her struggle with him trying to get her to move out so he can stay. She finds this unfair, especially after he was the one who caused their initial separation. James Kennedy, on the other hand, is excited about his new house that he purchased for himself and Ally Lewbar. he has made positive changes in his life by abstaining from drinking and focusing on meditation, working out, and smoking marijuana instead. During a meeting with Tom Schwartz, Tom brings a plant and candle as a housewarming gift. Tom, as well as his employees at the bar along with Sandoval, have faced harassment and business loss due to the scandal involving Sandoval, have faced harassment and business loss due to the scandal involving Sandoval. Tom feels excluded from the group's activities because of this ordeal and shares an apology he received from Sandoval that essentially acknowledges the damage caused and his use of Tom as a shield for his affair. Tom responds by stating that Sandoval should stick with Rachel, Tom's ex-fiancé, after what he put their business through. Scheana Shay and her husband, Brock Davies, reached out to Sandoval after the loss of one of his close friends but received no response as Sandoval has blocked Scheana, her podcast, and even her daughter. Scheana, who is dealing with her OCD diagnosis, has refrained from smoking and drinking but admits that the scandal has skyrocketed her anxiety. James later has a DJ job at TomTom, and while everyone is excited to attend. Ariana experiences anxiety due to her previous experience at the bar where she discovered her fiancé's infidelity. She calls her new boyfriend, Daniel Wai, to express her concerns, and he provides comfort and encourages her to create new memories. Scheana shows support for Ariana's new relationship. Meanwhile, Tom is feeling ignored by most of the group and seeks solace from the bartender with a hug. He desperately wants to make amends with Ariana, but she remains stubborn, rejecting his apologies and continuing to block him. Lala Kent, who is going through a challenging custody battle with her ex-husband Randall Emmett, confides in Lisa about the similarities she sees between her past relationship with Sandoval and her current situation, Lala reaches out to Rachel, extending support and companionship. During a girls' night out, Ariana, Lala, Katie, and Scheana play 'devil's advocate' while discussing their relationships. Ariana reveals that she had wanted to get closer to Katie for a long time but was warned off by Sandoval, and Lala shares her belief that Tom has also endured mental abuse from Sandoval. Lala then drops the bombshell that she reached out to Rachel, which confuses Ariana. While she wants the best for Rachel as a person, she wants nothing to do with her. The season premiere of Vanderpump Rules certainly set the stage for a season filled with complex relationships, unresolved issues, and plenty of drama. Fans will have to stay tuned to see how these dynamics evolve and if any reconciliation can be achieved.

[gay-otlc]

Can we talk about how Sophie has trichotillomania?

Because I've been involved in KOTLC fandoms for over two years and I've heard it mentioned exactly once.

Trichotillomania is a disorder characterized by uncontrollable, repetitive pulling of hair. This can be scalp hair, eyebrows, arm hair, leg hair, eyelashes, really any type of hair. Even though the person knows they aren't supposed to enjoy pulling, they get a weird sense of pleasure or calm from it, and it's difficult to stop. Pulling is frequently done in stressful situations.

Does that sound familiar to anyone? Ring any bells?

Yeah, it sounds like Sophie Foster.

In the books, it's played off as sort of just another nervous habit, a weird quirk of Sophie's. It's mentioned a few times by other friends/adult figures as they ask whether it hurts, but when she says no, they don't tell her to stop. She's often described as "pulling on an itchy eyelash," but it seems to be more of a stress response than something causing her stress.

I thought it was just another weird quirk of hers until I started pulling out my hair. I would pull it most when I was stressed, and it always felt "itchy" just before I did.

It was horrible. Trichotillomania is fucking destructive. At my worst point, I had a huge, gaping bald spot. I didn't talk to people because I was ashamed of my hair. I missed class once because I couldn't tear myself away from the mirror and stop pulling. I spent hours in front of the mirror each day, checking and checking to make sure no one would know anything was weird if they looked at me.

It was so hard. And I felt so alone.

Now, as I said before, I read KOTLC nearly three years ago and have been making fan content for over two. Suffice it to say that series means a lot to me. How do you think it would have felt, if the protagonist of this huge part of my life, was just like me, struggled like me, and it turned out okay for her? I would have had so much hope that it could get better instead of climbing and clawing for every shred of progress.

Now, how do you think it felt to see that protagonist go through something similar, but it didn't matter much to her? It made me feel like some whiny bitch for being this upset about my hair. If Sophie Foster could have trich and go through life functioning fine (well, not really, but the trich doesn't make anything worse for her is my point), why couldn't I? Pathetic.

Like most days, today is a good day to get pissed at L*ura, so I'm going to use her art as an example. This is a close up screenshot of Sophie's eye (please ignore the cursor in the middle, my computer hates me).

[Image ID: A close up picture of an brown eye. It has long, dark eyelashes surrounding it and a cursor covering the pupil.]

(Please tell me if my image ID is shit idk how to write these.)

As we can clearly see, Sophie has long, dark eyelashes. The top eyelashes are most obvious, but there's a fair amount on the bottom as well. It's been a while since I've read the books, but Sophie doesn't wear makeup much, if I recall correctly. So she probably wouldn't be wearing mascara.

Then why the fuckity fuck do her eyelashes look so, for lack of a better word, normal, when she pulls them every three paragraphs?

People with trichotillomania look like they have trichotillomania. I have a bald spot. When I did all my research on trich in an OCD spiral, one writer said she had to wear wigs. Another said she had zero eyelashes for years. Someone on here (not saying who just in case they don't want me to) said their left eyebrow was nearly gone.

I hated how I looked in the worst of my trichotillomania days. It's less noticeable now, but I still hate it. I feel like a freak, to not have hair like a 'normal' person.

Now, Sophie Foster is described as beautiful. She has all the boys and the girls after her. She's an elf, all elves are beautiful. But she pulls out her eyelashes, and she pulls out her eyelashes so often, that unless elf hair grows at really different speeds (which I doubt it would, considering that would have been very noticeable when Sophie lived with humans), she would have no or very few eyelashes.

And yet, that was erased in her official art. Why? Because apparently, people can't look like they have trich and still be beautiful.

But that's bullshit. People with trich are beautiful. I am looking in mirrors and trying to tell myself I look beautiful instead of crying. Bald spots are beautiful. Eyes without eyelashes are beautiful. Brow ridges without eyebrows are beautiful.

People with trich are beautiful, dammit!

So give us that, Shannon. Give that to your readers who don't have trich, so they understand it, and your readers who do, so they see themselves for the first time and don't feel alone.

Give us Sophie Foster thinking she's ugly and a freak because she doesn't have eyelashes, and give us Keefe or Fitz or Biana or whoever telling her she still is.

Give us Sophie Foster trying to sit on her hands, telling herself not to pull, doing it anyway, and hating herself.

Give us Sophie Foster standing in front of the mirror and crying because she can't stop, she can't stop.

Give us Sophie Foster seeking help and trying to get better, trying to heal.

Give us Sophie Foster trying and relapsing and trying and relapsing and trying and relapsing and trying.

If you're going to give us Sophie Foster with trichotillomania, give us a character with trichotillomania.

[shaykeijser]

‪⚪️─────────────‬

‪ 0:01 3:29‬

Hyphy

Clout from Grandma’s Closet

‪ ◄◄⠀▐▐ ⠀►►‬

‪🔈───────────⚪️🔊‬

[neopronounsmybelovaed]

Hi shai I love your blog what's going on?? Are people attacking you?? I can't understand it lol

Hi!!! Copied and pasted but you can scroll through discourse for more context </3

Okay so bASICALLY

I made a post last night about the connection between ocd and gender/pronouns. OCD can be triggering to think about so I tagged it “ocd tw“

When I woke up this morning someone was pissed that I trigger tagged ocd. I explained that it actually can be triggering. Anons told me I was ableist and duhumanizing neurodivergence for��� trying to not think about my mental illness?? Or something??

So anxiety was kind of spiking today but I got a lot of nice anons so I’m doing better now.

[snowberriesromanoff]

incomplete tag list under the cut

fandoms

dc u later: most dc comics posting, sometimes gets left off when the post is going in another dc character tag

gcs: gotham city sirens tag, also frequently applied to adjacent characters

molls: miracle molly tag

disney princess of dc: talia al ghul tag

cass cass cass: cassandra cain

cassie cassie cassie: cassie sandsmark

jason todd/jason todd boy of all time: red hood tag

rose rav: rose wilson tag

brucie bat: bruce wayne tag

soupman: superman and related characters tag

marvel tag: catchall for both marvel comics and mcu

xmen xmen: x adjacent characters

northern lights: lornaurora ship tag, frequently applied to individual posts for these characters

lorna bby: lorna dane tag

rose witch: wanda maximoff tag

system of the moon: moon knight tag

otp: catradora tag

adora gayskull: individual adora tag

catra meow meow: individual catra tag

witch tag: spirituality vibes and shitposts

raised out in the cold: trauma vent tag

oh big mood: mental health tag

fire sister tag: messy sibling feelings

the ongoing situation: tag for current life issues

systag: plurality emotions and reference points

ryder rambles: general chat tag for tag meta and fic posting

impatient octobers: october daye tag

individual headmate tags are usually #(name) tag, these are noteworthy

traci tag: functionally a mlp tag

corrinne tag: functionally a barbie tag

barbs tag: functionally a barbara gordon tag

tash tag: anything that resonates but also a general natasha romanoff tag

stephanie tag: functionally a stephanie brown tag

tara tag: anything that resonates but also a general tara markov tag

sansa tag: anything that resonates but also a general sansa stark tag

yelena tag: soft things, certain cats, also a general yelena belova tag

jay tag: warning may contain bad puns and awesome posts

larvalei: weird sea entities and seascapes

alliterative chat tags (tash talks/shay speaks/etc) rotate based on primary front

other common tags include: star war, lord rings, gtn/tlt, i want, to make, gender tag, ask to tag, find later, autistic swag, ocd tag, i want to go to there, reference, lesbianism intensifying, i love sharks so much, snek, tattoo tag, aroace sapphic vibes, bird friends, cat cat cat

trying to decide on american girl, monster high, fairy, dragon, and tangled tags. individual character tags will be updated as needed.

Yes yes I'm aware that I'm playing special interest roulette AND hitting post limit but have you considered it's funny

[realhousewives-fan]

The Days in the Doghouse Aren’t Over

After Lisa Vanderpump had a conversation with Lala Kent and Scheana Shay about her worries about Tom Sandoval’s wellbeing, they’re trying to be nicer to him.

And he got excited and hopeful that he would get back into this group. But his days in the doghouse aren’t completely over for him yet.

He walked into this trip with a lot of anxiety, they all did apparently, and his path forward is a rocky one at best.

He cried a lot by the fact that Scheana had greeted him, which seemed a little much to me. It’s difficult to believe that his tears are genuine.

He has been caught lying, trying to manipulate the narrative, and constantly painting Ariana Madix to be the villain during his affair.

He’s therefore not trustworthy and it’s difficult to believe that him and his tears are genuine.

But Scheana and Brock Davis are in a rocky place as well. They keep arguing about the nanny situation, and she blames her OCD for her anxiety.

I just don’t understand why they’re arguing so much. They were yelling at each other in a store!

The only ones who seemed genuinely excited about the trip to Lake Tahoe was Lisa and Graham, who flew on a private jet.

James Kennedy wanted to surprise everybody with Graham, and as he told the story he had been given by Lisa, Sandoval claimed that he knew the truth.

Well, Rachel Leviss’ version of the truth.

James later had a decent conversation with Sandoval, and James told him why he felt so betrayed by him.

Things will probably never be the same again.

A stain has been put on this entire group, and according to Sandoval, his affair with Rachel wasn’t even worth all the backlash they received for it.

The problem with refusing to be around certain castmates is that you’re going to miss out of filming. It’s a punishment you give yourself.

And that’s what Ariana and Katie Maloney-Schwartz did by refusing to go on the trip.

They will becoming irrelevant if they can’t give the producers something more interesting.

[maxbernini]

idk if youre still doing them, but if you are: 3 headcanons about jazmine torres/american!even (or technically 3 pieces of canon)? really liked the twist on the first kiss you wrote for shay and jazmine btw!

hey!! absolutely still doing them, feel free to send more if you want!! ty for reading my fic ❤️

jazmine torres/american!even (from this fic):

- i know american!even is often headcanon’d as a photographer and i LOVE that, especially since it means she could photograph cfgc’s concerts and they’d be an artsy power couple. however, i’m going to say jazmine loves photography - and loves photographing her loved ones, especially shay - but poetry is her main art thing in this AU. i think she’d combine them actually, à la david with his collage scrapbooks. jazmine would fill up notebooks very quickly. one of the things that lead to her getting diagnosed (she has OCD & BPD) was when she decided it’d be cool to write a poem for every photo she takes, which she then prints and sticks in a notebook. it was fun and challenging at first, but eventually became upsetting when she couldn’t even take a screenshot of a meme or an accidental selfie without feeling like she had to scribble a poem down immediately. she comes up with haikus as a mind game when bored now. she has a haiku for each and every mole/freckle shay has. she’s corny.

- if shay loves summer, then jazmine loves winter. i just like when couples are opposites especially in silly poetic ways (light/dark, sun/moon, sky/ocean, etc), and i think this’d be fun given how hot austin is (and florida was; she literally can’t escape lol), and that i’d want shay’s season to be set during summer. and if we wanted to get even more sillier and poetic, i love the idea of shay being this burning warmth to jazmine’s icy cold, literally melting the latter’s heart 🥺 anyways they build snowmen together during december. kelsey: “as a proud ally, i’ve decided to make mine gender neutral snow- people”. jazmine: “that’s cool. ours are gay and definitely hooking up tho.”

- random, but she’s a really good navigator. as in, jazmine can and will locate any super niche spot in a new city as if she’s lived there her entire life. if she stood next to a guy wearing a shirt that said ‘i am a certified tour guide and historian with decades of experience’, tourists would still approach her first because of the sheer confident, determined, kind energy she radiates lol. what i’m getting at is that the scene in the fic where she’s asking for a tour and stories about the school was more so she could listen to shay talk and not because she actually wanted to know (because she already knew), which is fun because shay’s exaggerating those stories purely to get jazmine to laugh. they’re both corny! but in very cool and cute ways!

- bonus headcanon is that she doesn’t really like tyler much, but occasionally marlon will do something that is so incredibly annoying that tyler, shay, and jazmine all immediately look up and lock eyes and there’s this unspoken “maybe the three of us should stage a coup and take over cfgc” vibe. she helps with songwriting sometimes though, and she and megan fight for the title of being president of the unofficial cfgc fan club

give me a character and i’ll tell you three pieces of headcanon i have about them!

[gay-otlc]

My Marelliana AU about Marella's struggles with OCD and morality feels called out.

microdosing on therapy by projecting my issues onto fictional characters and creating and consuming content about them working through it and being supported during the process

[ezxgreene]

[ ALEX FITZALAN , CISMALE , HE/HIM ] do you hear [ MODERN LONELINESS BY LAUV ] coming from the beach ? oh, that has to be [ EZRA GREENE ] . they are a [ TWENTY-THREE ] year old [ ARTIST ] from the outer banks, and they’ve been living there for [ FIFTEEN YEARS ] . they were chosen to be on the show because they are a [ KOOK ] , but really , i heard it’s because they can be [ NEUROTIC & PESSIMISTIC ] . if you get to know them though , they’re pretty [ THOUGHTFUL & KIND ] . they might become a quick audience favorite due to their [ HABIT OF TALKING TO CATS LIKE THEY’RE PEOPLE, ACCIDENTALLY DRINKING PAINT WATER, AND ARMS COVERED IN TATTOOS ] . ooc – b, 21, est, she/her

[ playlist ] [ pinterest ] [ connections ]

TW: Mental Health and Drug Use

name - Ezra Atticus Greene

birthday - July 14, 1996

zodiac sign - Cancer

hometown - Los Angeles, California

height - 5′11″

sexuality - Bisexual

character inspiration - Nino Quincampoix (Amélie: The Musical), Spencer Shay (iCarly), Chris Miles (Skins), Nick Miller (New Girl), Joey Tribbiani (Friends)

positive - loyal, caring, passionate, easygoing, kind, thoughtful

negative - passive, unorganized, irresponsible, idealistic

b a c k g r o u n d

SEASON 1

- Grew up with celebrity lawyers for parents, so everything was always very strict and serious around their house  He Spent the first few years of his life being raised by nannies, but as time went on his mom wanted to spend more time with him, so she quit being a lawyer to be a stay at home mom.

- Ezra absolutely adored his mom, whenever it was just the two of them things were much more relaxed. She was the one who introduced him to art. She bought him his first set of paints, and took him to museums. While his father always expected him to go to law school, his mother supported his dreams of going to art school. This led to a lot of arguments between his parents.

- When Ezra was fifteen his mom got sick, and not long after his sixteenth birthday she passed away. Both him and his father took it really hard, but instead of bringing them together it forced them further apart. Their house was mostly filled with silence, and Ezra’s dad started working more, which left Ezra home alone most of the time.

- During winter break Freshman year, Ezra came home to a new stepmother. His father hadn’t mentioned getting married until they were in the car nearly home, and it all came as a big shock to Ezra. Suddenly there was another woman sitting in his mom’s seat and drinking out of her favorite mug. It’s not that he doesn’t like his stepmother, she’s perfectly nice and he’s cordial towards her, but he can’t get past the feeling that she’s trying to replace his mother.

- Went to undergrad for English, and is now in law school at his father’s insistence. He hates it, and is definitely experiencing major burnout, but doesn’t want to leave in fear of being cut off. If Ezra had it his way, he’d pursue art full time.

- Struggles with untreated depression and OCD. He’s on and off medication, but prefers to self-medicate.

- He’s doing the show on his summer break because he’s seeking any kind of change from his normal routine. He feels like he’s starting to lose who he is, and he’s hoping the show will be able to help him remember.

- Doesn’t care much about the rivalry, but understands why some people do. He has a big heart, and will hang out with almost anyone.

SEASON 2

- Ezra spent the break still at law school, absolutely hating his life, and counting down the days until graduation. He took his bar exam shortly before returning for season 2 and spoiler alert he did not pass.

- Broke things off with his Season 1 boyfriend Connor not too long into the break. Ezra was incredibly stressed out by school, Connor wasn’t a very good boyfriend, and eventually he snapped. He’s definitely not over it, though he’ll be acting like he is.

- Is definitely not happy that his older brother, Tristan, is now on the show- and will honestly be garbage at hiding it. Tristan’s never really done anything to him (besides be successful and get to do what he really loves), but its obvious (to Ezra) who their father’s favorite is.

- Overall, is just a huge mess this season. He’s not taking care of himself (even more than usual) and it won’t be hard to tell. Eventually I’ll let him be happy, I swear.

SEASON 3 

- After failing his bar exam he finally stood up to his father and told him he would not be retaking it or becoming a lawyer. This, of course, led to a huge blowout and Ezra hasn’t seen his father since. He’s been living off of the money he’s made on the show (which is a decent amount), using his instagram to be an “influencer”, and selling art. 

- He spent the entire break between seasons 2 and 3 in Italy with Luci and Connor, who he’s now officially back together with. He kept himself basically closed off from the world (no phone except to make ads for profit and no live tv) in order to help try and start fixing his mental health. He wasn’t exactly thrilled to be called back for a Season 3 so quickly, since he’d been enjoying the drama-free environment, but he’s excited to head off to Australia and see everyone again. 

[kcwcommentary]

VLD2x11 – “Stayin’ Alive”

2x11 – “Stayin’ Alive”

Allura’s playing a Hunk-suggested “Earth road-trip game” to pass time. This isn’t just Allura playing charades with the mice, it’s a small moment that reveals an exchange between Hunk and Allura, even if that exchange happened offscreen. Little moments like this help establish and affirm that these are people who are living with one another. Allura is taking the Castle Ship and travelling to the Balmera, and it’s taking her some time to get there. Given that the other parts of this mission included her creating a wormhole for the Paladins to go where they were going, I don’t understand why she hasn’t used a wormhole for herself.

We finally get information on where Coran went for his part of the greater mission: Olkari. There, he and the Olkari engineers have been working on the teludav necessary for the plan. He says they’ve been working on it “day and night,” which suggests a timeframe for what all has been going on. Allura has heard from Shiro, Lance, and Pidge, who’ve located Slav, so that puts this scene sometime before the last chronologically. She also says she hasn’t heard anything from Keith and Hunk. If Coran has been on Olkarion long enough for them to have been working “day and night,” then he has to have been there at least several days. Realistically, it would take a substantial amount of time for a major construction project. This all makes me feel like I don’t know what the timeframe of everything everyone’s doing though. This makes it seem like they are taking some time for everything to come together, but “The Belly of the Weblum,” and to a lesser extent “Escape from Beta Traz,” made me think they were working in a much faster timeframe than they apparently are. It’s not a huge issue, but it makes me feel a bit off.

Allura becomes pensive, saying she’s been thinking about her father and his sacrifice and how Team Voltron is closer than they’ve ever been to stopping Zarkon. She also expresses some apprehension about potential failure. She really does have to deal with a lot of stress and pressure from the responsibility she feels. Coran reassures her, citing their progress. Allura reaffirms his statement, saying that their success will come because they have allies (currently the Balmerans and the Olkari). This is the first instance in which I feel the show demonstrates the value of the coalition. It’s just Team Voltron, the Balmerans, and the Olkari, but they together feel more significant than later in the series when supposedly a lot more join the coalition.

I love the music during the Castle Ship’s decent and landing on the Balmera. This series has significant flaws, but the music is excellent. Allura informs the Balmerans – including Shay! it’s great to see her again – that she needs a crystal that’s even bigger than the one they needed for the Castle Ship last time. The music turns ominous as the camera shifts to the Robeast that the Balmera had trapped in crystal back in 1x10 “Rebirth.” There has been a substantial amount of screentime since the show last dealt with that Robeast, but it was unresolved. I’m of two minds about it. One, I like that the show hasn’t forgotten about it and is going to resolve that thread; however, I also kind of feel that dealing with this Robeast again is a bit of a retread of a past plot.

Two Druids report to Haggar that they found Thace’s chip that he’s been using to hack systems. She instructs them to put the chip back and wait to see who comes to get it. I’ve thought the show has been sort of spinning its wheels with this part of the plot, but this scene adds some movement to it finally. I’m kind of tiring of Haggar’s creepy space witch vibe though, or at least I’m feeling tired of it right now in this specific moment of my rewatch of the show.

The Balmerans take Allura to a huge crystal. She touches it and the hand-glowing thing happens, the Balmerans kneel and do the hand-glowing thing on the ground. The crystal begins to rise. The cavern rumbles, Shay wonders if it’s because of how big the crystal is, but the old Balmeran woman says it’s “something different” and says they should let Allura finish the ceremony. Then cut to back at the Castle Ship, where the crystal’s been loaded. Clearly some time has passed since the ceremony in the cavern. Everyone’s still calm. The way the old woman spoke though, it seemed she sensed something being a problem, and Shay seemed to register the old woman’s comment that way in the moment, but there’s no sense that they’ve followed up on that disturbance. This feels narratively dissonant. Did they forget to say anything after Allura was done? Wouldn’t the Balmerans, in sensing something off, have assigned someone to investigate further?

Everyone’s standing around for an unbothered goodbye when there’s a quake, everyone seems shocked (so no one followed up on what Shay and the old woman sensed before), and they watch as the Robeast breaks out of the crystal it’s been encased in. Allura sends the Balmerans to take shelter and plans to face the Robeast with the Castle Ship. The Robeast, once freed from the crystal, levitates and turns purple two big chunks of the crystal. It also has several large crystal shards embeded in its body. Allura directs the Castle’s weapons to shoot the Robeast, but its crystals shield it and it returns fire. Allura pilots the Castle to take off in hopes of luring the Robeast from the Balmera, and it follows her.

The music during this sequence is again excellent! The distance shot of the Castle Ship launching from the surface of the Balmera and the Robeast in pursuit is beautifully animated, having a wide sense of planetary-level scale.

Cut to Keith and Hunk leaving the Weblum, with a repeat of Keith’s frustrated yell from the end of 2x09 “The Belly of the Weblum” that he “didn’t just turn Galra.” Keith suspects that Hunk’s glaring at him is because he’s trying to tell if Keith’s skin is purple. Allura’s communication comes in with her telling them to return immediately. Shiro, Lance, and Pidge are on their return trip from their mission. Slav freaks over the idea that they’re going to travel via teludav, and Shiro’s frustration with Slav results in him giving a bit of a rant. Yet still, even though he’s fussing with Slav, he’s still not condemning Slav for having OCD, and instead tells him to just do whatever he needs to, whether it be counting hair follicles or fluffing a pillow. Slav, it turns out, wasn’t freaking out because of his OCD but because he likes the idea of travelling via teludav. Allura contacts them and calls them home.

Once returned, Lance sees that the Robeast is actually operating without a head. This makes the Robeast now relying upon the show’s not defining how much of anything works; without a head, the purple crystals have to be what’s directing it, but why are they purple/villainous? The Robeast sends a blast toward the Blue and Yellow Lions, which dodge out of the way. The blasts hits two moons above the Balmera. Since when does this Balmera have moons? I’m not saying that it couldn’t; in fact, it very much could. It’s large enough to generate enough gravity that it could very much pick up two moons in tow. I just don’t remember ever seeing them until now. The blast destroys both moons. The shot of the explosion and the next shot of the Castle and the two Lions silhouetted by the explosions are beautifully animated. Shiro says they have to have Voltron to deal with this, so Hunk has to cover them all while Blue drops Shiro and Pidge off on the Castle Ship to get their Lions. I feel for Hunk in his expression of being overwhelmed.

Back on Zarkon’s ship, Thace captured when he retrieves the chip.

A blast from the Robeast knocks out the Castle’s shields. Hunk maneuvers Yellow to ram into the Robeast. The distance shot of the two after he hits it, like the earlier distance shot, gives a great sense of scale. The Robeast starts chasing Yellow. The Paladins head to rejoin Hunk, and Shiro asks Slav to help Allura (though nothing really comes of Slav doing so). Lance provides cover in Blue for Hunk to take Keith to get Red. The shuffling that has to occur to get all the Paladins their respective Lions could have felt cumbersome, but the show actually pulls it off nicely without the sequence creating a pacing problem.

The Robeast blasts Yellow, which loses power and falls toward the Balmera. Lance and Pidge move to engage the Robeast while Shiro takes Black to get Yellow. Shiro has to abandon taking Yellow back to the Castle so that he can engage the Robeast. Keith leaves Yellow and jetpacks to the Castle. A stray blast from the Robeast nearly hits Keith and sends him careening away. The Red Lion senses Keith in trouble. Yellow regains power only to be grabbed by the Robeast. Everyone else blasts the Robeast, including Keith in Red.

I love that Red’s sensing Keith in trouble comes into play again here. The bond between him and Red is given a lot of significance through this. It also infuriates me that the show then eventually puts Keith in Black and Lance in Red without dealing with the fact that the show has spent so much time showing us the bond between Keith and Red.

The distance shot of the Lions circling around the Robeast, blasting it in unison is excellent. Keith says they don’t have the time needed to form Voltron. With the way the show usually handwaves that it would take time for the Lions to convert, usually pausing the plot to allow it to happen, it’s interesting that this time it’s an issue. Timing should be an issue, so this episode is doing it right. Pidge hits the purple crystal in the Robeast’s chest with Green’s plant cannon, buying them time to transform into Voltron. I think the plant cannon is inherently silly, but I do like the way it buys relief from the tension of the narrative and its use here has actual weight of a minor victory.

The Robeast finally shrugs off the plant, only for Voltron to stab it with Voltron’s sword, doing enough damage that the Robeast explodes.

The team is ready to meet up with Coran. Allura thanks Hunk for getting the scultrite, and Hunk responds that Keith was part of that mission too. Allura glares at him and walks away. The way she’s treating Keith is not okay!

They arrive at Olkarion, where the teludav is nearly complete. Coran privately talks to Allura about their plan, the risks, and how she might not survive how much energy is necessary for her to operate the teludav. He says her father “would be proud of the leader [she’s] become.” There’s a setting/rising sun shot, with the light over the five Paladins. Pidge asks what everyone’s thinking about. Zarkon is a popular answer, but Hunk is thinking of calzones. I actually don’t mind this food joke for him right now. They all reflect back on some of what’s happened over the past two seasons. It gives weight to the coming conflict. Shiro, however, is notably quiet during the whole conversation, only to point out that once Zarkon’s defeated, the universe won’t need Voltron. I can’t say I agree with that statement. They might won’t be facing an immediate threat, but that doesn’t mean that there won’t be anything for Voltron to do in the universe. Defeat Zarkon/the Galra and Voltron’s finished is a very narrow perspective.

After Shiro speaks, heightening the tension, they all stand quiet, the music builds into a dramatic group shot. It would have made an excellent end to the episode. That energy however is ruined by having another scene afterward of Haggar threatening Thace.

This episode was very action heavy, and yet, unlike with episodes later in the series that are action heavy, it doesn’t feel unwieldly here. It’s easy to track what’s happening at each stage of the action. As I said several times throughout this, there are some beautifully animated shots in this episode. This episode concludes the sequence of the past several episodes in setting up for the end of the season. It’s like a period at the end of a sentence, with the next sentence getting ready to start.

[gay-otlc]

ahaha i'm so ocd about how i organize-

That's nice, I'm so OCD about not murdering people and it's ruining my life

pls why do people say stuff like “i am SO ocd about these thing” like you’re so obsession compulsion disorder about washing your hands after you shit?