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"Whoah, someone knocked Lex Luthor's sister up! Didn't know they had an ability of human procreation." Alex chuckled, turning the page of the newest CatCo magazine. "I wish your name would be on a byline, Kara. It's your first interview, after all. I get that your involvement is unofficial, but the text is so well written."
"Alex… It was me." Kara unclutched her head and looked at her sister with an expression so miserable that Alex put down the magazine and squinted, watching the Kryptonian squirm under her scrutinising gaze.
"What do you mean it was you?" Now, all Alex's attention was on Kara.
"I made Lena Luthor pregnant!" Kara blurted out.
Rated E!
#supercorp#supergirl#supercorp fanfiction#supercorp fic#fanfiction#my writing#lena luthor#kara danvers#red kryptonite#red K Kara
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Helping my divine friend with something although she could help herself because I’m such a nice guy but I really misjudged things and now they go wrong
Male Reader x Jeon Jiwoo
Length: 3515 words
Tags: experimental sex, Jiwoo wants it all, goddess!Jiwoo, awkward sex, 69, riding, overstimulation, there is a lot of pressure on you btw, missionary, creampie, heavy orgasm, a reference no one will get, seriously if you get the reference I'll buy you a cookie, technically virgin sex, the background switches a couple of times, tit sucking, you might crack a smile at times, pussy eating, sexpert!you / playful!Jiwoo
TW: I edited this... but it still is chaos deluxe, so beware
Inspiration: the ideas/pic send by @existslikepristin
Credit: @existslikepristin for submitting a crazy good request!
(A/N: I had fun writing this chaos and I hope you have some fun reading it. Jiwoo of Kard was definitely not on my mind, so it was fun seeing her submitted. Go Kard!)
“I need your help with something.”
You quickly turn your head to the far end of your bed. There she is again, this time with silver hair and a red dress that loosely covers the most intimate parts of her body, but leaves a lot of room for her pale skin to shine through. Today she overdid it though. In your humble opinion, her marble colored skin looks like a newly printed sheet of paper you can write on, and those large, obsidian earrings give off a ridiculous contrast to all the white.
“Why the fuck do you need my help?” you sigh.
Your question is absolutely warranted. Jiwoo, like a lot of the friends you manifested in your time in solitude, is a Goddess, with power beyond the known natural barriers. Unlike the strong Matthew, the clever Somin or crazy J, all elaborate figments of your imagination, she seemingly has no limits. To your knowledge, she can do anything, thus there is no need to ask you for help.
“Well,” Jiwoo explains herself while your focus shifts back to the magazine in your hands, “it’s an activity that needs at least two. Can’t have sex alone, you know?”
You furrow your eyebrows. but force yourself not to look back up again. Jiwoo saying weird things is nothing new to you at this point. Most of the time, she is just playing pranks on you. She knows that the word ‘sex’ should get a reaction out of you, no matter the context, but you won’t give her this victory. Defying this Goddess has been a daily activity for you since Jiwoo decided to become proactive in your lazy life.
“Not really,” you respond with a deep breath. “You can have sex on your own. Go masturbate or get a dildo or two, no need for me to be around.”
“But I already did that!” Jiwoo blurts out and tears away the magazine. She leans towards you, face to face. You can’t avoid her diamond eyes, mostly because you don’t want to stare down the deity’s cleavage.
“It’s boring, I want to try something new.”
Now you’re really surprised.
“Wait, you never had sex before? Like with another person?”
“Nope,” Jiwoo shakes her head and straightens her posture again, “Too busy.”
“Too busy doing what?” you ask and immediately regret it. The more attention you give her now, the more likely it is for her not to go away and leave you alone.
“Too busy testing every ice cream flavor and comparing them. Shit, there are so many of them.”
You stare at her, disappointed, confused, annoyed. Jiwoo notices. With quick blinks she tries to make her eyes appear puppy-like, but even through divine powers she could never pull it off. Something about her appearance is always so-not-cute, which is a bummer because cute girls are your type.
“Something inside me—” you sigh and carelessly throw the magazine over your shoulder, “—can kinda relate, but at the same time, like, just go out now. I don’t see you eating ice cream now, so you can just seduce some guy at a bar or even offer yourself. No need for me to do it.”
“So you’re saying I should prostitute myself?” Jiwoo acts infuriated, a theatrical hand on her chest, “What if I catch a disease, you bastard!”
“For fuck sake, as if you need to worry about that.”
“But I just want to do it with someone I know.”
“Me? Why?”
“Stop asking questions!” Jiwoo shouts and shoves you down to your bed. Her eyes turn white in fury, maybe you have stretched her patience a bit too far. If you are honest to yourself, you don’t really have a good reason to reject her. You don’t want to? Well yes, but actually no. Even inhibitions because she is something extraterrestrial would usually not keep you from getting laid (not like it happens all of the time, you don’t get busy with humans that often either). Maybe it’s because you don’t want to risk the friendship? Were you always this complicated?
“Okay fine, fine, I’ll do it,” you sigh and Jiwoo’s face lights up.
“Awesome! I want to try a lot of things, so we should get started.”
Jiwoo smiles brightly. Her red leather clothes glow for a second before they disappear and she stands before you fully nude. Turn your head to the side to hide your blush. She has no clue.
“Slow down, slow down. Dammit, Jiwoo, I still don’t know what you want to try—”
“Everything.”
You glare back at her—her tits, nice handfuls—her face, actually, you wouldn’t get distracted by—tits, they look very soft—pinchable cheeks, no red on them at all. She lacks any embarrassment.
“W-well,” you stammer, eye contact fragile, impossible even, “there are so many things you c-can do during sex o-or with the partner, we won’t be able to do them all. I-I could walk you through like a basic routine?”
“Aw, but only if we do the rest later, ‘kay?”
Another attempt at puppy eyes, but this time you don’t even notice them. The surprisingly dark areolae around Jiwoo’s nipples is a lot better at getting your attention than whatever her eye color is right now.
“F-fine. No need to roleplay romantic stuff so uhm let’s just get to oral, so we can learn, I mean you can learn some stuff, uhm.”
Words have never been this hard to find, formulate, fuck, you can’t even swallow properly. This woman really is without shame. She snaps her fingers and your clothes disappear in a beam of light as well. Speaking of light, the entire room becomes a lot brighter from seemingly nowhere. You try to find the source but all you find is Jiwoo’s ass as she playfully spins around.
“I created some extra light so I can see all things properly. No need to search for your shadow, there is none.”
She says it so casually, like she is insane. The insane one however is you. You nod like a brainless idiot like you didn’t have any reservations about this beforehand. It’s too late to turn back now.
“Let’s start, uhm, with uhhhh, a 69 position. Basically—” you hesitate for a moment and look intently at Jiwoo’s cleanly shaven slit, “—I lay down and you get on top of me. Your face is at my crotch and you, like, do the same. Viceversa."
“Oh, okay~”
The two of you get into position. You feel your hardening shaft rub over Jiwoo’s soft cheek and her thick, almost trunky thighs press on your own cheek. The all-encompassing light works wonders, you can easily see everything about Jiwoo’s pussy, although she is definitely too eager at making your face meet her crotch.
“Now what?” Jiwoo asks and stares at your cock.
“Take it into your mouth and suck on it. In the meantime, I, uhm, do basically the same with your vagina. This way we can both give oral pleasure, like with our mouths.”
“Ah, I see! And it looks like a six on top of nine!”
Jiwoo’s excitement is unbridled. Right after she blurts out her discovery, she takes your cock into her mouth and nibbles on it. Sharp teeth come dangerously close to digging into the delicate skin of your most holy scepter. You scream.
“No teeth, no chewing! Jiwoo, never do that, it hurts, fuck!”
“Chill, chill, I’m sorry,” she blurts out, dick still on her tongue. “So no teeth?”
“Please, yes, no teeth. Just tongue and—fuck, oh fuck!”
Before you can finish your explanation, Jiwoo takes most of your sensitive cock in her mouth, violently choking on it while her tongue runs sloppy circles around the shaft. The indescribable pleasure of her sudden blowjob only lasts a couple of seconds though, because her gags become too dangerously strong. Jiwoo almost releases more than just your cock from her mouth. New discovery: Goddesses have a gag reflex.
“You, you can take it slower,” you breathlessly say, while putting your tongue on her labia. “Like this. Slow licks, careful sucking.”
“Hm, oh wow, that feels good.” Jiwoo begins to quietly moan and lowers her pussy further down on your tongue. “I thought sex was very quick and hard and all that.”
“It can be, but this feels good too, right?” you say with a witty smirk and lick on her clit.
“Oh fuck! I see, I see, fuck, shit, fuck.” Jiwoo continues to curse as she uses the newly learned lesson on the tip of your cock. Her delicate tongue puts pressure on the underside of your tip, then she drags it over and under your cock head. You hiss and gently spread her pussy lips to suck everything from clit to ass.
“Hng, ah fuck! I understand why you humans curse during sex. It feels so fucking good.”
You giggle. Jiwoo’s pussy is now pinning you to the mattress, but you’re not going to complain. It’s an amazing labia, pink, and the juice is tasty. More and more is coming out and you decide to probe into her with your tongue. The first time her insides get spread by non-plastic makes Jiwoo scream with your cock in her mouth.
“Fak, feef fo gout.”
You start to tongue fuck her.
“So goouuut!
“I wan somsin big—bigger!”
Your cock pops free from her lips and she gets off of your face, spotted with tiny droplets of her juice. Jiwoo stands above you, confused, needy, staring at your cock which is proudly pointing at the ceiling.
“Well, uhm,” you cough to get the Goddess’ attention back, “I guess we can continue. If you want it inside you, you can ride me.”
“Huh? Like a piggyback ride?”
“No, I mean—no, that doesn’t work. What I meant is you can basically sit on my penis while it’s inside of you.”
“Oh, I see. Yes, fuck, I want that.”
Jiwoo reaches for the base of your dick. She squats down and rubs the spit-drenched tip on her labia, searching for the hole. Her outsides feel hot already, you can’t wait to feel the clenching of her pussy. For the first time, no curses, no words, just quick breaths and subsequent moans when Jiwoo finally aligns you with her hole.
As the seconds tick down, the tension leaves Jiwoo’s body and you’re able to penetrate her. With a shriek she stops after half of your cock is inside of her. It’s an awkward feeling for both of you. The Goddess is aroused but confused by this sensation of a real dick, the human is confused by the intense heat he enters. Jiwoo looks towards you, eyes full of questions.
“Well, uhm, what does it feel like?” you ask with a smile. “Is-is it good? Does it hurt?”
“It’s weird,” Jiwoo mewls. “You’re hot and you stretch me out. God, is this really the way you reproduce?”
“Yeah, but usually, there is more moving.”
“I get it, I get it, just let me adjust. You’re pretty big after all.”
A bright grin and a deep flush alter your cheeks and Jiwoo looks at you, even more puzzled than before. She readjusts her feet to keep the current position, but you can already see that she will go down on it soon.
“Thank you for the compliment,” you whisper and caress her thigh.
“What compliment? It’s a fact, don’t faulter yourself.”
“Faulter is wrong, that’s not how you—ha, fuck!”
You hold your breath, when Jiwoo suddenly goes down. You try reaching for something to not lose your grip on reality, but Jiwoo's thighs are not good at giving you stability because the Goddess immediately starts to grind and shimmy on your cock.
"Woah, fu-fu-fuck," Jiwoo fakes a stutter as her features turn euphoric. "This is insane. Amazing, so deep, I feel so full. I want it again, this feeling."
You don't have to give her a hint this time; Jiwoo starts to ride you herself. She impales her tight pussy on you with more vigor each time her legs lift her slender body up. She is too enamored with the feeling to notice your groaning and mewling.
Suddenly, everything around you disappears. For what has to be less than a second, all your furniture, your room, even your house vanishes into a white void. In the next moment, you find yourself in the midst of a grand meadow, confused sheep all around you, gigantic mountains in the background, soft, dew-covered grass below you.
"What the fuck?" you shout out, but Jiwoo has her eyes closed and forces her cunt on you without stopping. "Ji-Jiwoo, where the—huh?"
The void swallows all the sheep and snowy mountains and wet grass. They get replaced with the impeccable view of countless skyscrapers and houses from above. A strong, cold wind blasts through your hair. You tense up.
"Holy shit, is that New York—wait, are we on the Empire Sta—"
Before you can finish stating your observation, yet another void ends your view of the American metropolis and sends you into an uncomfortable bed of sand. Nothing but hot, rough, irritating sand everywhere. It annoys you on the beaches, but in a dessert it’s the fucking worst.
"Fuck, shit," Jiwoo curses through gritted teeth and for the first time slows down. With you a twitching mess because of her twitching cunt on your twitching dick, she finally stops and hides her flushed face.
"I-I think I almost peed. Weird feeling."
"It-It's f-fine,” you dismiss her worries as the sun starts to scorch your skin. “But can you please get us out of this fucking dessert?”
“Yeah, right, uhm.”
This time, the transition is seamless. The sand on your back gets replaced with something a lot more comfortable. Soft cushions stuffed with feathers or cotton, even better than your own bed, except you're not laying on a bed but a couch. The cooler, darker surroundings are foreign to you.
“Where are we now?” you ask, annoyed at what you perceive are Jiwoo’s usual antics.
“I don’t know and I don’t care,” she blurts out and draws circles on your chest with her fingernails. “That was incredible, marvelous! The way my pussy got stretched out by your cock. How did it feel for you?”
“Well, uhm.” Suddenly embarrassed, you avert your eyes from Jiwoo and try to come up with a good response. It’s hard to lie when you’re still balls deep inside her. “It just feels very good, the, uhm, warmth and ti-tightness and—”
“So tightness is good?” Jiwoo repeats the meaning of your words with a curious nod. “Then how about this?”
Tightness turns to pressure. The walls of Jiwoo’s cunt begin to clamp down harder on you. The texture of her insides becomes imprinted on your skin. You both groan in unison. At this point, there is nothing to add that could make this connection stronger, you literally can’t pull out of her. However, Jiwoo continues, her pussy slowly becoming a merciless hydraulic press that threatens to crush your cock. The pleasure from pressure fades into horror and pain.
“Fuck, ah, fuck, stop! Please, Jiwoo!”
Your screams don't go unheard. Jiwoo ends her odd experiment on you.
“Too tight?” she asks the way a scientist would ask a subject during testing of a very questionable product.
“Yes, yes, way too tight.”
“Sorry about that. Maybe I could increase the heat nex ti—”
“No! I mean, no, no need for that.” You helplessly sway your arms to get your point across. “There is no need for any of this crazy, supernatural stuff. Your pussy is… it’s awesome as it is, Jiwoo.”
Awkward silence. The two of you can’t hold eye contact for more than a fleeting moment. Blood shoots to your head in embarrassment, and even the Goddess on your dick is not immune to it. She carefully gets off of your lap and looks over the back of the couch.
“This is, uhm, quite the interesting place,” Jiwoo whispers.
“Yeah, but what is it actually? You should know. You teleported us here after all.” You try to keep the conversation going while gawking at the large paintings, crimson banners and dark brown tables and chairs. There is no lamp at the ceiling or any other electrical device in this room. Everything about this place looks and smells like it’s from a long time ago, but not a galaxy far, far away.
“To be honest,” Jiwoo elaborates, “I just chose a random room from your mind. I can replay memories or parts of your imagination? Maybe you have been here before or imagined a place like this?”
Jiwoo points out the window at blue-gray walls topped with battlements and towers. Further below is an atrium with dozens of servants cleaning pans and pots. Undoubtedly a castle, a very realistically old looking castle. Even the people are dressed up properly, like they came straight out of Europe 600 years ago.
“Hm, I don’t remember being in this castle. It might be from a movie I watched or a story I read.” You ponder a little longer before looking at Jiwoo who fixes her white strands that got stuck to her sweaty face. “Anyways, what do we do now?”
“Show me another position, please~” Jiwoo immediately responds, her voice cute, her hands naughty. Finger wrap around your cock and give slow pumps. You’ve had it with her, it’s time to show her a different side.
“Fuck, fine. Lay down and spread your legs.
“Let me take charge now.”
Jiwoo’s legs shoot away from her body in excitement. The thrill in her eyes grows exponentially, when you rub your hard cockhead on her moist folds. Put a hand next to her face for stability before penetrating her in one motion. Jiwoo groans when you bottom out and mewls when you pull out shortly after. Before she can complain, you repeat the process.
“Woah,” Jiwoo pulls you closer to her body as she groans, “this is crazy good.”
“This position is called missionary.”
“Why are you, hm, fuck, why are you going so slow though?”
With a smirk you lean down to one of Jiwoo’s breasts and take as much of it as you can in your mouth. Drag your tongue over the delicate skin in calculated patterns and watch her whimper because her nipple is left untouched. Jiwoo is getting closer to losing her sanity, which is a deserved punishment for the cock-compression from earlier.
“Don’t worry, I will go faster. Just one thing, Jiwoo.
“When this weird feeling comes again; don’t hold back, let it out.”
Finally suck her nipple for the finale before letting it pop free from your lips. It’s like a secret signal, a code word for your hips to do their job. No more pulling out, now it’s just pistoning like an engine in overdrive.
Jiwoo screams out your name, which urges you to drown out her voice with pelvis on pelvis hits that make droplets of her juice stain the ancient couch. This time, her pussy tightens around you without any supernatural body alteration.
You groan in satisfaction, the sight of Jiwoo below you disturbingly different from her usual self but also incredibly hot. You peck her trembling lips, then move along her sharp jaw to nibble on it. Hiss when she digs her point nails in your back.
“Fuck, don’t stop. This is amazing,” Jiwoo moans out. Every thought of hers is drowned out, only gasps escape her mouth, but even those get interrupted when you suddenly shove your tongue into it. Jiwoo freezes in confusion, giving you the perfect opportunity to play with her idle tongue. Push it around with your own like it’s a bouncy ball, force it to play along as you increase your tempo.
Jiwoo’s breaths become rapid, your thrust wild, violent even. Her hands are in your hair, she is about to pull out entire patches which just makes you fuck her harder. Wetness, wetness and suddenly, an entire waterfall comes pouring out of Jiwoo’s thoroughly fucked hole. A strong, squirting orgasm leaves her teary eyed and breathless. Luckily, it also makes her stop pulling your hair thus you don’t have to worry about partial baldness—yet.
Don’t worry about cumming inside her too. She is a Goddess, she won’t get pregnant, no matter how big your load is. It feels like a month's worth of cum is sucked out of you; at first, it’s shot in and then, it comes pouring out when you pull out. You fall backwards into the cushions, stirring up more dust then you would’ve hoped.
“Oh. My. God,” Jiwoo slowly, quietly mouths. “This was… godly!”
“I see what you did there,” you chuckle and watch Jiwoo’s chest rise and fall and her gaping pussy leak your cream.
“So this is how babies are made,” she casually says.
Your body shoots back up, your face contorting in shock.
“Wait, what? N-no, you’re a Goddess, you can’t get pregnant.
Right? Right???"
Jiwoo pouts and looks up at you.
“Isn’t getting pregnant the goal? Why would it be bad?”
“I—
“It’s complicated.”
#kpop smut#female idol smut#kard smut#jiwoo smut#kard jiwoo smut#male reader smut#male reader insert#male reader
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Kink Education Freestyle Reddit Edition - Sunny Megatron 211
Host, Clinical Sexologist & Kink Educator Sunny Megatron Is back for a third installment of free-style BDSM education. This time she weighs in on BDSM reddit. Topics discussed:
Am I a bad sub for not liking pain or degradation?
What’s a praise kink?
When Is humiliation play healthy and when is it detrimental?
Where & how to find 1-on-1 BDSM instruction and “exploratory sessions” for kink newbies?
How can I safely do breath play to the point of passing out?
New partner advice: Is this how TPE and CNC works? Or is this a red flag?
Guest Bio – Sunny Megatron
Sunny Megatron is an award-winning Clinical Sexologist, BDSM & Certified Sexuality Educator, and media personality. She’s the host & executive producer of the Showtime original series, Sex with Sunny Megatron, co-hosts AASECT Award-winning American Sex Podcast and Open Deeply Podcast, and was 2021's XBIZ Sexpert of the Year. Currently, she’s the Editor-in-Chief of kink-focused Zipper Magazine.
Known for her one-of-a-kind, build-your-own-adventure approach to sex, kink & relationships, Sunny coined the BDSM community catch-phrase, Kink is Customizable™. In her sell-out workshops, her unique brand of “edutainment” seamlessly combines her humorous teaching style, interactive exercises, and the latest sexuality research. Sunny’s passion is helping others overcome shame and find their power through play and pleasure. She’s also working on her first book, “Customizable Kink: A Strategic Guide to Adult Play.”
Episode 211 Helpful Links & Resources
Sunny Megatron All Links https://direct.me/sunnymegatron
Sunny Megatron Website https://sunnymegatron.com/
Hot and Healthy Erotic Humilation Recorded Class https://sunnymegatron.gumroad.com/l/humiliationclass?layout=profile
Sunny’s Free Kink Negotiation & Scene Planning Mini-Workbook https://sunnymegatron.gumroad.com/l/negotiationwb
BDSM Advice Subreddit https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSMAdvice/
BDSM AITA Subreddit https://www.reddit.com/r/BDSM_AITA/
Midori, Kink Educator https://linkin.bio/planetmidori
Sunny Megatron TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@sunnymegatron
American Sex Podcast Discord Community http://bit.ly/discordasp
American Sex Podcast Patreon http://patreon.com/americansex
Open Deeply Podcast http://opendeeplypodcast.com
Episode 211 Sponsors & Discount Codes
*by using our links & codes you can help support our work while saving a few bucks too—win/win!
30-day free trial of Dipsea Stories when you use code SUNNY at http://dipseastories.com/sunny
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–To support American Sex Podcast/Sunny Megatron & help offset the cost of providing no-charge education: http://patreon.com/americansex
--More at AmericanSexPodcast.com
Check out our latest episode!
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„Es macht einen riesigen Unterschied, von den richtigen Menschen begehrt zu werden“, sagt die Kurator*in und Café-Betreiber*in Sandy Brede bei der von ihr veranstalteten Dyke*Night in Witten zu mir. Von denen, die wir nicht nur aufgrund ihrer unerreichbaren Andersartigkeit begehren, sondern weil sie ein Fenster in ein anderes Leben sind. Weil sie uns aufzeigen, wie wir auch in der Welt sein dürfen.
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The Feminist Sexpert Remembers Deborah Sundahl
As an author, filmmaker, magazine publisher and lecturer, Deborah Sundahl shone as a bright glowing light and a feminist pioneer in the erotic industry. Along with the fabulous Nan Kinney, who I had the honor of interviewing in 2021 when their films were showcased by my friends at PinkLabel.tv as a part of their superb Classic Dyke Porn showcase, Sundahl directed some original, one of a kind–not…
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By Alice Augustin. Translation follows.
Bare shoulders, arms drawn by a fine musculature, a milky and velvety skin texture, a lascivious pose and a cascade of brown curls falling on his eyes… We are not talking about a woman, but about Timothée Chalamet, the first man to appear solo on the cover of British Vogue since its launch 106 years ago. A break that says a lot about the glamorous potential of the actor. "It dismantles outdated notions of masculinity as a matter of course," says Edward Enninful, the magazine's editor. In the photo series shot by Steven Meisel, Timothée sometimes wears feminine clothes, has fun in tight leather pants. Enough to relaunch the Chalamet mania with the female public a few days after its incandescent appearance at the Venice Film Festival.
An incendiary apparition
That day, the actor appeared in an outfit designed especially for him by designer Haider Hackerman: a backless blouse tied at the neck with a flowing knot. Like a man's evening dress. A shock of beauty, a thrill of desire then electrified the red carpet as well as the millions of women who discovered her look on social networks. Never had such a bankable actor dared to be so bold in a prestigious cinema event. A man who, although he has never spoken about his sexual orientation, has so far been linked to young women, among them Lily-Rose Depp.
Chalamet is not, however, at his first stroke of brilliance. Since his debut, he has had fun blurring the codes of the genre by wearing richly printed suits, skirts, fluid materials usually reserved for women's wardrobes. But in Venice, a sensual city par excellence, a milestone has been reached in this fluidity. How not to question our emotion in the face of this rare moment of virile eroticism, in the face of this desirable male back, in the face of this male body offered to view. Timothée, hot as ever! Would he have heard the call of certain feminists who deplore the absence of erotic representations for straight women? “Why are male bodies invisible?” asks the sexpert Maia Mazaurette in a column published in Le Monde. Why do museums, films and series profusely reveal women's bodies, but never those of men or not in the same way? Women's bodies are mostly represented passive, offered to the "male gaze" which makes them objects of desire. The body of men cannot be objectified: it dominates, penetrates, acts but does not contemplate itself, or only when it belongs to gay aesthetic production. So many stereotypes that deprive straight women of a thousand possibilities of desire on the pretext that their excitement is not visual but emotional.
And yet, the cover of British Vogue upsets us, the vision of her bare back in Venice excites us, disturbs us. These images could join the collection of erotic images of men gathered by the feminist collective Lusted Men. Images here all the stronger as they are initiated by one of the most powerful actors in Hollywood who is perfectly aware of the effect he produces. What's sexier?
(Via Google translate. Sorry for mistakes. I'm not a native Fr speaker.)
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The True Story of How I Became a Sex Educator and Researcher
Our professional biographies tend to serve as a “highlight reel”—they only say the great things we’ve accomplished and don’t reveal the struggles, challenges, and uncertainties that went into building a career. To lift back the curtain on this, the Society for Personality and Social Psychology (SPSP) recently asked a number of scholars to submit their official bios along with their “unofficial bios” that reveal an extremely different version of the story with more twists and turns.
You can read some of the examples here. Although I didn’t participate in it, I thought it would be fun to do something similar on the blog. So here goes—I’ll start with my official bio, followed by the real, behind-the-scenes story.
Official Bio of Dr. Justin J. Lehmiller
Dr. Justin Lehmiller received his Ph.D. in Social Psychology from Purdue University. He is a Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute and author of the book Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life. Dr. Lehmiller is an award-winning educator, having been honored three times with the Certificate of Teaching Excellence from Harvard University, where he taught for several years. He is also a prolific researcher and scholar who has published more than 50 academic works to date, including a textbook titled The Psychology of Human Sexuality (now in its second edition) that is used in college classrooms around the world. Dr. Lehmiller's studies have appeared in all of the leading journals on human sexuality, including the Journal of Sex Research, Archives of Sexual Behavior, and The Journal of Sexual Medicine.
Dr. Lehmiller has run the popular blog Sex and Psychology since 2011. It receives millions of page views per year and is rated among the top sex blogs on the internet. In 2019, he launched the Sex and Psychology Podcast. It ranks among the top sexuality podcasts in several countries and has been named one of “11 sex podcasts that will help you get better in bed” by Men’s Health.
Dr. Lehmiller has been interviewed by numerous media outlets, including The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times, The Chicago Tribune, The Boston Globe, CNN, The Atlantic, The Globe and Mail, and The Sunday Times. He has been named one of 5 "Sexperts" You Need to Follow on Twitter by Men's Health and one of the "modern-day masters of sex" by Nerve. Dr. Lehmiller has appeared on the Netflix series Sex, Explained, he has been on several episodes of the television program Taboo on the National Geographic Channel, and he has been a guest on Dr. Phil. Dr. Lehmiller has also appeared on numerous podcasts and radio shows, including the Savage Lovecast, the BBC’s Up All Night, and several NPR programs (1A, Radio Times, and Airtalk).
He is a popular freelance writer, penning columns and op-eds for major publications, including The Washington Post, Playboy, USA Today, VICE, Psychology Today, Men’s Health, Politico, and New York Magazine. He has also interviewed several prominent authors, journalists, and psychologists about their work for his blog and podcast, including Dr. Sanjay Gupta, Lisa Ling, Drs. John and Julie Gottman, and bestselling authors Christopher Ryan (Sex at Dawn) and Lisa Taddeo (Three Women).
Unofficial Bio of Dr. Justin J. Lehmiller
When Justin’s parents asked him what he wanted to study in college, he said “psychology.” He had taken a couple of psychology courses in high school that he found to be absolutely fascinating; however, his parents discouraged him from this because getting into a PhD program was tough and uncertain and, if that didn’t work out, they didn’t see much potential in a Bachelor’s degree in psychology. They encouraged him to pursue a career in occupational therapy (OT) instead because a family friend said “they needed more men in the field,” and also because his parents saw it as a path to job security with a pretty good paycheck.
He applied to a 5-year combined Bachelor’s/Master’s program in OT at Gannon University and was admitted. Incidentally, he was one of two men in the entire program. He spent a year and a half in it and made straight As in every course, including biochemistry and physics—but he wasn’t happy. He recognized the importance of OT to society, but it wasn’t his passion. After showing his parents that he was taking college seriously and earning good grades, they allowed him to switch his major to psychology.
Upon completing his Bachelor’s degree, he only applied to Master’s programs in psychology because he didn’t think he had the chops to get into a PhD program right away. The inferiority complex was strong in this one, so he didn’t even try. He applied and was accepted to Villanova University’s Master’s program in experimental psychology. He was not competitive enough of a candidate to receive an assistantship initially, although he eventually received one after another student dropped out.
He really wanted to study social psychology at Villanova, but there was only one social psychologist on staff at the time and several interested students. The only option for him was to beg one of the clinical psychologists to let him do a social psychology study for his Master’s thesis.
As he began looking for PhD programs to apply to, he met Dr. Chris Agnew at a meeting of the American Psychological Association. Chris was studying romantic relationships and Justin thought that sounded like a fun thing to spend his life doing. Plus, Chris was a super cool guy who seemed like a fantastic mentor. He applied and was admitted to Purdue’s social psychology program, although he was initially waitlisted (and rejected from all but one other program). Justin’s plan was to get his doctorate and become a college professor. Teaching and research sounded like things he could probably do.
Justin was assigned to teach a Health Psychology course at Purdue during his first year. He had never taught a class before and quickly realized that he was very uncomfortable with public speaking. The class was a disaster. Attendance dropped 60-70% within the first couple of weeks. He had no idea what he was doing and dreaded going to class each day—and he received poor evaluations in the end.
Around the same time, Justin submitted his first academic paper to a journal, it was promptly rejected and came with this review: “This manuscript is fatally flawed and of marginal utility, which is a shame because potentially interesting questions could have been asked given the topic and timing of the research. The tone of this manuscript represents the worst in scientific misconstrual, particularly because the claims are silly, wrong, or not warranted by the data.” Justin clearly sucked at both teaching and research—and if he couldn’t do those things well, how would he ever become a college professor?
He also started hearing horror stories from advanced students in his program who couldn’t find jobs and were sticking around for 6 or 7 years in the hope of eventually landing a job—any job. All of this led Justin to question what the hell he was doing with his life. Maybe he should have listened to his parents after all? Chris encouraged Justin to stick with it, though, as did his friends and mentors.
The next year, Justin got assigned to be a teaching assistant for a human sexuality course taught by Dr. Janice Kelly. It changed his life. He had to lead weekly discussion sections with students and answer their sex questions (a subject he knew next to nothing about, having attended Catholic schools most of his life). He read about sex extensively and instantly knew he had found what he really wanted to do with his career. He saw it as something fun and interesting—but also a way that he could make a real difference. He realized how little most people actually know about sex, and how education can correct so many harmful myths and misconceptions.
An opportunity to teach his own human sexuality class opened up the following year, and he took it. This time around, teaching was different—he was passionate about the subject and the students were, too. He had no problems with attendance. He ended up teaching this course six times before he graduated and eventually received a teaching award for it. He found that he loved being a sex educator.
He also found a solution to his public speaking anxiety: he started taking a beta-blocker (propranolol) on public speaking days, which removed physiological symptoms of anxiety. This allowed him to feel like himself in front of a crowd and, after just a few months, he no longer needed to take the medication—the anxiety had gone away completely.
He started conducting his own sex research, too, including a series of studies with Dr. Kelly on friends with benefits. His research skills improved and his studies started getting accepted instead of rejected.
He eventually landed a job at Colorado State University as an assistant professor, where he stayed for three years and continued his work as a sex educator and researcher. His partner couldn’t get a job in the area and had just taken a job in Boston, so Justin applied for every academic job within two hours of Boston. He was turned down for all of them. As a last-ditch effort, he applied for a teaching position at Harvard but had absolutely no confidence in it. He almost didn’t submit the application, but his partner encouraged him to do so. Justin had applied to Harvard’s PhD program previously and was rejected—if they didn’t want him as a student, why the heck would they want him as a teacher?
To his great surprise, he got the job at Harvard, where he stayed for three years. However, he had given up his tenure-track job in Colorado for a teaching position in Boston with no job security. So he decided to reinvent himself just in case things didn’t work out. In his spare time, he started a blog, wrote a human sexuality textbook, and became a freelance media writer. Communicating about sex science to the public became his hobby and was going to be his backup career in case the college professor thing didn’t work out.
Eventually, Justin’s partner wanted to move to Indianapolis for a job opportunity, so they left Boston. But Justin didn’t have a job at first and his backup plan wasn’t yet enough to be a full-time job. He knew the Kinsey Institute was nearby, so he drafted a letter to the director in the hope of establishing a connection, but he never sent it. He had a severe case of imposter syndrome and did not feel accomplished or experienced enough to have anything to do with what he saw as the premier hub for sex research in the world.
Much to his surprise, the associate director of the Institute reached out to him after he moved to Indiana to explore opportunities for working together. It was actually his hobby/backup plan that caught their eye—they were interested in working together to disseminate sex science to the public and were impressed with what he had done with his blog and social media.
Justin affiliated with Kinsey, but also jumped back on the tenure track with a job as the Director of the Social Psychology Program at Ball State University, which fortuitously opened up about 4 months after he moved to Indianapolis. After 3.5 years, he decided to leave full-time academics and do his own thing. His science communication hobby had managed to grow into a full-time job and it was no longer feasible to do that and academics. Plus, he found that the science communication work was really where his passion was. So, the backup plan officially became “the plan.”
Justin now spends every day finding new ways to help educate and inform the public about the science of sex. He’s still not sure how things ended up this way, but wouldn’t trade his current job for anything.
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for more from the blog or here to listen to the podcast. Follow Sex and Psychology on Facebook, Twitter (@JustinLehmiller), or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Image Source: 123RF
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Her Prophet Speaks: The Six Mothers of The Sisterhood
~I had been planing on an essay about how these six women laid the foundations of The Sisterhood, but it has proved to be a daunting task. And I need to get the first edition of the Liber published. So I'm punting.
I'll write said essay for a later edition. For now, here is the opening text from their respective Wikis with links to same...
Shulamith "Shulie" Firestone (January 7, 1945 – August 28, 2012)[2] was a Canadian-American radical feminist. A central figure in the early development of radical feminism and second-wave feminism, Firestone was a founding member of three radical-feminist groups: New York Radical Women, Redstockings, and New York Radical Feminists.
In 1970, Firestone authored The Dialectic of Sex: The Case for Feminist Revolution. Published in September of that year, the book became an influential feminist text.[3]Naomi Wolf said of the book in 2012: "No one can understand how feminism has evolved without reading this radical, inflammatory, second-wave landmark."
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shulamith_Firestone
Donna J. Haraway (born September 6, 1944) is an American Professor Emerita in the History of Consciousness Department and Feminist Studies Department at the University of California, Santa Cruz, United States.[1] She is a prominent scholar in the field of science and technology studies, described in the early 1990s as a "feminist, rather loosely a postmodernist".[2] Haraway is the author of numerous foundational books and essays that bring together questions of science and feminism, such as "A Cyborg Manifesto: Science, Technology, and Socialist-Feminism in the Late Twentieth Century" (1985) and "Situated Knowledges: The Science Question in Feminism and the Privilege of Partial Perspective" (1988).[3][4] She is also a leading scholar in contemporary ecofeminism, associated with post-humanism and new materialism movements.[5][6] Her work criticizes anthropocentrism, emphasizes the self-organizing powers of nonhuman processes, and explores dissonant relations between those processes and cultural practices, rethinking sources of ethics.[7]
Haraway has taught Women's Studies and the History of Science at the University of Hawaii and Johns Hopkins University. Haraway's works have contributed to the study of both human-machine and human-animal relations. Her works have sparked debate in primatology, philosophy, and developmental biology.[8] Haraway participated in a collaborative exchange with the feminist theorist Lynn Randolph from 1990 to 1996. Their engagement with specific ideas relating to feminism, technoscience, political consciousness, and other social issues, formed the images and narrative of Haraway's book Modest_Witness for which she received the Society for Social Studies of Science's (4S) Ludwik Fleck Prize in 1999.[9][10] In September 2000, Haraway was awarded the Society for Social Studies of Science's highest honor, the J. D. Bernal Award, for her "distinguished contributions" to the field.[11] Haraway serves on the advisory board for numerous academic journals, including differences, Signs: Journal of Women in Culture and Society, Contemporary Women's Writing, and Environmental Humanities.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donna_Haraway
Andrea Rita Dworkin (September 26, 1946 – April 9, 2005) was an American radical feminist and writer best known for her criticism of pornography, which she argued was linked to rape and other forms of violence against women. Her views were widely criticized by liberal feminists and others. At the same time, she maintained a dialogue with political conservatives, and wrote a topically related book, Right-Wing Women. After suffering abuse from her first husband, she was introduced to radical feminist literature, and began writing Woman Hating.
After moving to New York, she became an activist and a writer on several issues, eventually publishing 10 books on feminism.
During the late 1970s and 1980s, Dworkin became known as a spokeswoman for the feminist anti-pornography movement, and for her writing on pornography and sexuality, particularly Pornography: Men Possessing Women (1981) and Intercourse (1987), which remain her two most widely known books. She wrote on pornography from a feminist perspective and in opposition to obscenity law, and she worked with Women Against Pornography and Linda Boreman. She considered the pornography industry to be based on turning women into objects for abuse by men. Dworkin and Catharine MacKinnon developed a legislative approach based on civil rights rather than obscenity to outlaw pornography and allow lawsuits against pornographers for damages, but their efforts were largely unsuccessful. She testified at a federal commission against pornography, leading some stores to withdraw certain magazines from sale, but a court ruled the government's efforts unconstitutional. Critics argued that no causal relationship between pornography and harm to women had been found. In 1992, a Canadian court adapted parts of Dworkin and MacKinnon's theory on sex equality, although Dworkin opposed parts of the court's view. Some sex-positive feminists criticized Dworkin's views as censorious and as denying women's agency or choice in sexual relationships, leading to the so-called feminist sex wars.
Her book Intercourse, which addresses the role of sexual intercourse in society, has been interpreted as opposing all heterosexual intercourse, but Dworkin said it does not and that what she was against was male domination by intercourse. Some critics of Dworkin accused her of supporting incest, and she sued for defamation, but a court did not forbid the criticism. She subsequently wrote much in opposition to incest. She wrote some fiction, some of which was held for a time by Canadian customs authorities before it was released, giving rise to a controversy over whether her support for antipornography law had led to the seizure of her own work. When she said she was drugged and raped in a hotel in 1999, controversy over the truth of the allegations followed. In her later years, she suffered from severe osteoarthritis, which limited her mobility. She died of acute myocarditis at the age of 58.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andrea_Dworkin
Catharine Alice MacKinnon (born October 7, 1946) is an American radical feminist legal scholar. She is the Elizabeth A. Long Professor of Law at the University of Michigan Law School, where she has been tenured since 1990, and the James Barr Ames Visiting Professor of Law at Harvard Law School. From 2008 to 2012, she was the special gender adviser to the Prosecutor of the International Criminal Court.[1][2]
As an expert on international law, constitutional law, political and legal theory, and jurisprudence, MacKinnon focuses on women's rights and sexual abuse and exploitation, including sexual harassment, rape, prostitution, sex trafficking and pornography. She was among the first to argue that pornography is a civil rights violation, and that sexual harassment in education and employment constitutes sex discrimination.[1][3]
MacKinnon is the author of over a dozen books, including Sexual Harassment of Working Women (1979);[4]Feminism Unmodified (1987), described as "one of the most widely cited books on law in the English language";[5]Toward a Feminist Theory of the State (1989); Only Words (1993); a casebook, Sex Equality (2001 and 2007); Women's Lives, Men's Laws (2005); and Butterfly Politics (2017).
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Catharine_MacKinnon
Susannah Bright, also known as Susie Sexpert (born March 25, 1958), is an American feminist, author, journalist, critic, editor, publisher, producer, and performer, often on the subject of sexual politics and sexuality.[1]
She is one of the first writers/activists referred to as a sex-positive feminist.[2] Her papers are part of the Human Sexuality Collection at Cornell University Library along with the archives of On Our Backs.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Susie_Bright
Valerie Jean Solanas (April 9, 1936 – April 25, 1988) was an American radical feminist and author best known for writing the SCUM Manifesto, which she self-published in 1967, and attempting to murder Andy Warhol in 1968.
Solanas had a turbulent childhood. She said her father regularly sexually abused her and she had a volatile relationship with her mother and stepfather after her parents' divorce. She was sent to live with her grandparents but ran away after being physically abused by her alcoholic grandfather. Solanas came out as a lesbian in the 1950s. After graduating with a degree in psychology from the University of Maryland, College Park, Solanas relocated to Berkeley, California, where she began writing her most notable work, the SCUM Manifesto, which urged women to "overthrow the government, eliminate the money system, institute complete automation and eliminate the male sex".[1][2]
Solanas moved to New York City in the mid-1960s. She met pop artist Andy Warhol and asked him to produce her play Up Your Ass. She gave him her script, which she later accused him of losing or stealing. After Solanas demanded financial compensation for the lost script, Warhol hired her to perform in his film, I, a Man, paying her $25. In 1967, Solanas began self-publishing the SCUM Manifesto. Olympia Press owner Maurice Girodias offered to publish Solanas's future writings, and she understood the contract to mean that Girodias would own her writing. Convinced that Girodias and Warhol were conspiring to steal her work, Solanas purchased a gun in early 1968.
On June 3, 1968, she went to The Factory, where she found Warhol. She shot at Warhol three times, the first two shots missing and the third wounding Warhol. She also shot art critic Mario Amaya and attempted to shoot Warhol's manager, Fred Hughes, point blank, but the gun jammed. Solanas then turned herself in to the police. She was charged with attempted murder, assault, and illegal possession of a gun. She was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia and pleaded guilty to "reckless assault with intent to harm", serving a three-year prison sentence, including treatment in a psychiatric hospital. After her release, she continued to promote the SCUM Manifesto. She died in 1988 of pneumonia in San Francisco.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valerie_Solanas
The Sisterhood is not in total alignment with the philosophies/ideologies of these six women. In fact a few of them might reject SH in whole or in part. But without their work, SH would not, likely could not, exist.
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MONTHLY READS | November 2018
I’m so sad I’m too late for Fandom Appreciation Day but I still want to thank every author on this list for the hard work and for sharing their stories with us! »Top 5 stories + 13 more I enjoyed under the cut« Half a Million Strong by kiddle | Woodstock | famous/not famous | enemies to friends to lovers | 50k Everybody is really looking for some kind of answer where there isn't one. Why would 300,000, 120,000, 60,000, 70,000 people come to anything, just because it's music, you know? I mean, is music all that important? I don't really think so, but people don't know, you know. They don't know how to live and they don't know what to do and they think that if they can come here they can find out, you know, what it is or how to maintain it. It’s just, like... People are very lost. -Jerry, festival goer August 15th, 1969, New York. Louis Tomlinson is a young writer for a relatively new-on-the-scene rock magazine called Rolling Stone. His assignment is to fly across the country to cover the highly anticipated Woodstock Music and Art Festival. Armed with a notebook, audio recorder, and a camera, Louis just needs one big interview. Harry Styles. A new name in rock music and a future name in rock history. His first album sold tens of thousands and his interviews attract audiences across the country. He has the poetry of Jim Morrison and the stage presence of Mick Jagger. And after seeing him perform at the festival, Louis is willing to jump through hoops to put Harry on the cover of Rolling Stone. When You're With Me by dimpled_halo | terminal illness | minor character death | kid fic | angst | fluff | 33k “Louis, wait.” Harry blurts out. Louis turns his head toward Harry expectantly. Harry’s heart races and he doesn’t know why. He’s never felt this nervous around someone before. He reaches for his wallet in his back pocket and pulls out a business card handing it over to Louis. Louis takes it in his hands and reads it before gazing back at him. “Um. Don’t hesitate to call me if you ever need anything.” Louis nods in acknowledgment, a small smile curving on his lips. “Thank you, Harry.” Harry returns the smile. “Have a good night.” With that, Louis climbs out of the vehicle looking back once on his way to the front door and waving at Harry. He ignores the way his stomach flutters, and pulls out of the kerb to head home. * Harry feels immediately drawn to Louis when they meet for the first time. Unfortunately it's under sad circumstances that leave Louis as a single father. Before Harry can offer his support, Louis is gone just as soon as he'd come, but he leaves a lasting impression on Harry that he knows he'll never forget. It isn't until a year later that they cross paths again and Louis changes Harry's life in ways he didn't expect. The Compulsion to Find Love by Toomanytears | a/b/o | worldbuilding | angst | fluff | slow burn | 140k The most prestigious English third-level institution, Candling University, accepts omega students for the first time and Louis Tomlinson applies with bright eyes and brighter ambitions. There he encounters personal obstacles, traditional mindsets and a beautiful boy who inverts every prejudice Louis has ever known. Save me...... by SavageMonkey | kid fic | emotional hurt/comfort | angst | humor | 59k Harry is struggling with the loss of his partner, raising his daughter Addie all on his own. He is hoping to find solace at a local community center grief meeting. Louis is dealing with his own loss, but has a whole new approach to life that Harry didn't know existed. Harry is a successful personal chef. Louis is a star of the stage. Cameras Flashing by juliusschmidt for HL Famous/Not Famous Fic Exchange | a/b/o | famous/not famous | coming out | practice dating | 81k With his breakout single platinum three times over and his second album still selling out in stores around the world, Louis Tomlinson has made it to the top. However, his position as Pop Heartthrob of the Decade is threatened by the edgier, more artistic Zayn, who happens to be releasing an album a week after Louis’ upcoming third. Louis needs something groundbreaking- scandalous, even- to push past him in the charts. Much to Louis’ dismay, his PR team calls in The Sexpert. Consulting with PR firm Shady, Lane and Associates pays the bills so that Harry Styles can spend his down time doing what he really loves: poring over data. On weekends and late into the evenings, he researches gender, presentation, and sexual orientation, analysing the longitudinal study that is his father’s life’s work. That is, until his newest client, the popstar with the fascinating secret, drags him off his couch and frighteningly close to the spotlight. As the album’s release date approaches, will Tomlinson and Styles be able to pull off the most risky PR scheme of the millennium and beat Zayn in sales or will the heat of their feelings for each other compromise everything?
A Pun-derful Life by AlwaysAqua for Wordplay Fic Challenge | mutual pining | puns | friends to lovers | 9k Falling in love with his best friend was never part of the plan, but it happened. It keeps happening; Over and over again on a daily basis. Sometimes, even that’s too long between falling in love. Or, Harry and Louis use too many puns as a means to make each other laugh. Through the Warning Signs by crimsontheory for The 1D Hiatus Fic Fest | friends with benefits | friends to lovers | pining | 12k Harry and Louis have been best friends for years, but when Louis suggests they become friends with benefits, how will Harry handle that while also being in love with Louis? This time I'm ready to run by Cherrie for The 1D Hiatus Fic Fest | famous/not famous | 15k Six years ago Louis made a choice. This time around he was not about to make the same mistake again. Sounds Like Heaven by howtogetawaywithlouis | angst | exes to lovers | hate to love| fake/ pretend relationship | famous/not famous | homophobia | islamophobia | depression | anxiety | alcoholism | emotional hurt/comfort | kid fic | cheating | pining | 30 k Louis is screaming, and he should consider toning it down cause Sandy is sleeping on the same floor, but tears are starting to gather around his lashes and his voice is slightly quivering, and he doesn’t care about waking her up as much as he should. All he can think about is how he’s been such a fool that a woman is going to steal his girl and his man, and he’s completely helpless cause none of them both were entirely his in the first place. “Louis,” Harry whispers quietly, his hand coming to rest hesitantly on Louis’s shoulders. “You know it’s not going to happen.” Louis shakes him off and takes a few steps away. “No, I don’t.” He grips the bottle of champagne and goes to pick up the glass from the sink. His throat is tight and it hurts to swallow, so when he speaks again, to a Harry who looks sad and frustrated, it’s with a simple murmur. “I’m going to bed. You can show yourself out.” --- Or, a very painful au where singer/actor Harry Styles and songwriter Louis Tomlinson are married and have a daughter, but are not together any more. Except of course, it’s not that simple. Our Sweetest Memorial by messofgorgeouschaos for HLRegencyVictorianFicChallenge | Regency | slow burn | hate to love | mpreg | exes to lovers | 34k Ever since Harry was forced to break off an engagement five years ago, he resolved to never marry for the remainder of his life. Now his family must move out of his beloved Kellynch Hall to recover some of their debts that their father had accumulated. The last thing Harry expected was for the new tenants to be related to his former fiancee. And for that fiancee to come back to Somersetshire a much more wealthy man that still holds resentment for their past. A Persuasion AU. Lend Me Your Hand by QuickedWeen for HLRegencyVictorianFicChallenge | Regency | soulmates | soulmate-identifying marks | light angst | fluff | hate to love | 63k Society has long since decided that the soulmarks everyone is born with are entirely unfashionable. They're just another way for people of a lower class to scam their way into marrying above their station. Lord Louis Tomlinson, Viscount Loring, on the other hand, has always believed that he will find his soulmate one day. Despite preparing for a match his whole life, he is entirely unprepared for the arrival of Gemma Styles' younger brother. Harry Styles has been traveling and away from society for over a year. Coming back, he intends to spend time with his sister, and slowly reacquaint himself with life in town. He doesn't need to wait around for a soulmark to determine how his life will play out. Like Two Softened Shoes by marie24 for HL Fic Fest (2016) | coffee shops | pining | friends to lovers | 13k He sets his laptop on the bed, backing away and running his hands repeatedly through his curls. Okay. This is okay. This is fine. This is not real. Will peeks his head around the door frame. “Uh, everything okay in here?” Harry tries to keep his breathing under control. “Yeah!” he says. “It’s, um, everything’s fine!” He can hear himself talking really loudly. Will looks doubtful. “Are you sure? Because it really seems like -” Harry barks out a laugh, cutting him off. “Okay! So this is going to sound really strange. But.” He looks at Will, with the same shiny fringe, blue, blue eyes, and sharp cheekbones he’d been writing about the whole last week. He worries his lip frantically between his teeth. “Um. I think I… I think I… wrote you?” Or, Harry is a writer who gets through his writer’s block by pouring his feelings for his best friend Louis into a character. A few days later, the character lands in his bed, three dimensional and with no idea how to get back where he came from. He turns out to be very inconvenient for keeping Harry’s feelings to himself. Lemon eyes by turnyourankle | a/b/o | friends with benefits | minor injuries | light angst | 50k It's not proper for omegas to mess around with alphas before finding their bondmate. But Harry doesn't give a damn what's proper and fully intends on getting as much experience as he can before even trying to find one. As far as he's concerned, the right alpha won't care, and he'll have some fun on the way. And who better to start with than Louis Tomlinson, the alpha with the worst reputation on campus? If Ignorance Be Bliss by seemyselfout | friends to lovers | Coming Out | overhearing sex| slow burn | 30k “Uhh” Louis hears first. Then the creaking. The fucking creaking of it all. The bed, which Louis knows is basically a glorified camp bed with its awkward wheels at the bottom and wooden board behind it, begins thudding. The banging is rhythmic, Louis can’t help imagining the poorly stifled moans of them both, Harry’s awkwardly lanky limbs and skinny hips jerking with about as much finesse as an eighteen year old can manage (read: not a lot). There is a moment where Louis is almost certain he hears Harry say “shhh, uhh, my roommate” and... The audacity of that. Louis is simply too outraged now to do anything, including get turned on, and simply waits until Harry’s stupid dick gives up (it sounded like she didn’t come - Ha, Louis thinks bitterly). Uni AU: Harry is too experienced, and Louis just wants to get to experience him. The light is coming by ishiplouis for HL Mpreg Fic Exchange 2018 | a/b/o | mpreg | hurt/comfort | angst | 10k Louis was cold. So fucking cold. He was hungry too. He hadn’t eaten a real meal in a long time. He’d lost count of how many days he hadn’t eaten correctly or, rather, he didn’t want to remember. He wanted to forget. Forget that he was now alone. Well, mostly. He cursed his faith. He wasn’t supposed to end up like this. He was supposed to go to college, find a mate, and graduate with honours. Maybe he would have to apply right after graduation to some job offers but thankfully his father would intervene and would find him a job in no time at one of his friends’ companies. Then he would get married and be finally mated by his Alpha. In this dream of his, Louis would end up with three beautiful pups, a huge house with a white fence and a wonderful mate always caring for him until his last breath. That was how it was supposed to happen. Louis put a hand on his slowly hardening belly, a single tear rolling down his cheek. It wasn’t fair. Or the one where Louis is lost but Harry is there to save him. I Spy Baby by mynameispiaivy for Girl Direction Fic Fest | Girl Direction | love/hate | 7k “Wait, Lou. I have a penlight.” “A what?” “A penlight. You know, a pen with a small flashlight on it.” She could feel heat rising on her wet face. ”I know what a fucking penlight is?” “Well, I just thought it would be safer if we used a penlight instead of your lighter in this place. Something might catch fire, you know.” She says this matter of factly. Louis closes her eyes as she counts from one to five. “Okay, you’re right. It’s better to be safe than sorry. Now, use your damn penlight so we don’t trip on some dead person or animal inside here.” “It would smell if there’s a dead person in here, you know.” “Oh my god, Harry. Can you..just fucking turn on your damn penlight so we can see where we are going?” “Geez, you don’t need to shout. I’m practically beside you.” **** Harry and Louis are lost in the woods. I can't help myself from how my heart is racing by flicker_album | strangers to friends to lovers | Gym AU | mutual pining | 13k Louis is just trying to be a good friend by working out at the gym that Liam owns. He never expected to (quite literally) run into Harry, the hot boxer who sings embarrassing songs in the locker room showers. Baby Honey by delsicle | a/b/o | historical | World War II | established relationship | mpreg | angst | 14k When the next great war strikes, all alphas have to ship out. Alex leaves a little more behind than some of the others.
#half a million strong#when you're with me#the compulsion to find love#save me#cameras flashing#fic rec#my fic rec#my reads#monthly reads#pairing: larry#pairing: alex/louis#1D hiatus fic fest#hl mpreg fic exchange#girl direction fic fest#hl famous/not famous fic exchange#hl regency victorian fic challenge#wordplay fic challenge#hl fic fest#and i'm still tagging this as#28th appreciation#1d fandom appreciation day#completed fics
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Onyanko Club Lyrics: Sailor Fuku wo Nugasanaide (セーラー服を脱がさないで; Don’t Take My Sailor Uniform Off)
English translation and romanization below the cut.
ENGLISH
Don’t take my sailor uniform off Not now, just be patient Don’t take my sailor uniform off No, not somewhere like this Girls have always been "Virgin sexperts” Brushing up on it AH- Every day I wanna do dirty stuff Before any of my friends do But I can’t get past kissing I’m too much of a coward I wanna do the kind of dirty stuff They talk about in weekly magazines But it’d be such a shame To give you everything I have (Such a shame Such a shame Such a shame) ...So I won’t
Don’t take my sailor uniform off You’d turn everything inside out Including my skirt Don’t take my sailor uniform off And don’t undo the ribbon on my chest What happens to boys During all that? I’m dying to know AH- It’s such a mystery to me Invite me out on a date It’s boring being a virgin My mom and dad won’t know about it I’m a little bit afraid Of spending the night tomorrow But it’s boring being a virgin Before I become An old maid Take my delicious heart (My delicious heart My delicious heart My delicious heart) ...And eat it
ROMAJI
se-ra- fuku wo nugasanaide ima wa dame yo gaman nasatte se-ra- fuku wo nugasanaide iya yo dame yo konna tokoro ja onna no ko wa itsudemo “MI・MI・DO・SHI・MA” obenkyou shite’ru no yo AH- mainichi tomodachi yori hayaku ecchi wo shitai kedo kisu kara saki ni susumenai okubyou-sugiru no shuukanshi mitai na ecchi wo shitai kedo subete wo agete shimau no wa mottainai kara (mottainai kara mottainai kara mottainai kara) ...agenai
se-ra- fuku wo nugasanaide suka-to made makurechau desho se-ra- fuku wo nugasanaide mune no ribon hodokanaide ne otoko no ko wa sono toki dou naru no? kyoumi shinshin shichau no yo AH- fushigi ne de-to ni sasowarete ba-jin ja tsumaranai papa ya mama wa shiranai no ashita no gaihaku choppiri kowai kedo ba-jin ja tsumaranai oban ni nacchau sono mae ni oishii ha-to wo (oishii ha-to wo oishii ha-to wo oishii ha-to wo) ...tabete
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I know later in the episode Elena and Syd discussed protection and regular testing, but when it came to the conversation Penelope had with her friend Ramona Season 3, Episode 7 of One Day at a Time “The First Time” was wrong.
It isn’t “perfectly harmless” for wlw to have unprotected sex.
Please be safe when you are having sex.
Don’t take my word for it, here are some articles about safer sex practices:
How do Two Women Having Sex Protect Themselves? - Planned Parenthood
Lesbian Safe Sex 101: The Doctor Is In (Also, the Cartoonist) - Autostraddle
Why You Should Care About Lesbian Safer Sex (And What To Do About It) - Autostraddle
Ask The Sexpert: How Can Lesbians Have Safer Sex? - GO Magazine
Sexual Health for Lesbian and Bisexual Women - The NHS
HIV & Women Who Have Sex With Women Fact Sheet - Avert
Safer Sex for Lesbians and Girls Who Have Sex with Girls - The STD Project
13 Tips For Women Having Safe Sex With Other Women - Buzzfeed
#one day at a time#one day at a time season 3#note: some of these links may use cisexist language#and have cisexist ideas about what sex between two women looks like#I have not read them all in full#safer sex
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sex love & stiletto series quotes part 1
“What are we dealing with here? Herpes? Butt plugs? Necrophilia?”
Necrophilia? Julie stared at her best friend. “What is wrong with you? I said it was awful, not completely creepy.”
Riley shrugged. “You say potato, I say poh-tah-to.”
“Actually, nobody says poh-tah-to,” Grace muttered.”
“How am I supposed to add a personal touch to a story about something I’ve never experienced?”
“Interview women who have been through it,” Grace said practically, sounding exactly like Camille.
“Go undercover,” Riley said at the exact same time.”
“Mitchell is not my boyfriend,” Julie said.
“Um, how do you figure? You’re seeing him on weekend days and weeknights. How many times has that happened, Grace?”
“Hmm, let me count . . . Zero, and never.”
“Exactly,”
“Grace and Riley exchanged a meaningful glance, looking very much like they wanted to burst out laughing.
“What?” Julie snapped.
Grace tried unsuccessfully to wipe the smirk from her face. “Hon, what you described most definitely has a name.”
“Yup,” Riley said, taking a slurp of her macchiato. “It’s called . . . oh, what’s the word? . . . a relationship.”
“Cheers to Greg,” Riley said, lifting her cocktail to be clinked.
Julie choked on her martini. “You’re not suggesting we toast to the guy who cheated on Grace?”
“Ri … Emma and I are the only ones in the restaurant, aren’t we?”
“Well …”
“Come on now, Grace,” said a new voice. “You didn’t really think we’d miss out on Operation That’s What She Said?”
Grace’s eyes fluttered closed. Julie was here too. “Oh no.”
“The gang’s all here!” Riley said, sounding quite pleased with herself.”
“Riley cooed in delight. “You guys did the nasty in the restaurant bathroom, didn’t you? How was it?”
Julie stared at Riley in fascination. “Sometimes I think your rep as Stiletto’s sexpert is going to your head. Why would that be your first assumption?” Then she glanced at Grace. “Did you do it in the bathroom?”
“We pitched this as two love experts going toe-to-toe. They want to see the final showdown.”
“That sounds really lovely,” Grace said. “Why not just put us in a boxing ring?”
“Too dark,” Camille said. “The lighting would be awful.”
“Well, gosh, if the lighting’s awful, let’s call the whole thing off,” Emma said.”
“Riley had mistakenly thought that Julie Greene and Mitchell Forbes—Stiletto’s other power couple—were some sort of gross anomaly of in-loveness, but Grace and Jake were giving them a run for their money on the totally smitten scale.”
“Where’s Mitchell?” Riley asked, belatedly noticing that Julie’s fiancé wasn’t affixed to her side as usual.
“Talking to Alex,” Julie said with a wave. “I heard the word soccer and bailed.”
“Ah, well, if Alex is here, Emma must be—”
“Drinking heavily at the bar,” came the husky drawl from behind them.”
“within a year, they’d not only become the golden girls of the magazine, they’d become the It girls of the city.”
“Riley took a big gulp of wine. “I propositioned him.”
She waited for the gasps of surprise and the ohmygodyoudidn’ts, but none were forthcoming. Riley glanced at her friends. “Nobody looks surprised.”
“Oh, we’re surprised. Surprised that it took this long.”
“But it wasn’t always disappointing,” Julie said, fishing.
Emma hesitated before answering. “Not always. In fact, it used to be pretty great.”
Grace and Riley exchanged a mischievous glance. “Saaaay … when you were with Cassidy?”
Emma’s lips pressed together in a firm line. “No comment.”
“Really?” Emma drawled. “Because last inning, the ball literally sat still at your feet for a good forty-five seconds while you fanned Maria’s brother with your eyelashes.”
“I’m sorry, did you not just see me speed across home plate?” Riley asked, pointing at the field.
Julie pursed her lips. “I thought I saw a brunette trot across home plate. I didn’t see anything resembling speed.”
#slas#slas quotes#slas series#sex love & stiletto#sexlove&stiletto#lauren layne#laurenlayne#lauren layne series#lauren layne books#oxford series#juliemitchell#gracejake#rileysam#emmacassidy
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Grooming in BDSM Relationships with Sunny Megatron - Ep 199
Adult grooming is often misunderstood -- from what it looks like, to who is most vulnerable, what types of people groom, and why -- most assume it can’t happen to them. The fact is, grooming comes in many forms and can happen in any type of relationship - including BDSM dynamics. And because kink often involves power imbalances, it can be especially difficult to recognize in this context.
Whether you're new to kink or a seasoned veteran, episode 199 of American Sex will give you the tools to spot unhealthy power dynamics in BDSM and deconstruct preconceived notions of what manipulative abuse looks like, who can do it, and why. You'll also learn:
How the 6 stages of grooming apply to D/s dynamics
How to recognize coercive abuse in BDSM relationships
How pop culture kink stereotypes fuel grooming within BDSM
The reasons groomers manipulate & who they are
How my breakable rules analysis can help you spot unhealthy kink & more
p.s. Don‘t forget to grab your FREE ticket to the Dom/sub Virtual Summit 2/20-24 where I'll be teaching my "No B.S. Approach to Consent & Safe Words." http://bit.ly.sunnydssummit
Guest Bio – Sunny Megatron
Sunny Megatron is an award-winning Sexologist, BDSM & Certified Sexuality Educator, and media personality. She’s the host & executive producer of the Showtime original series, Sex with Sunny Megatron, co-hosts AASECT Award-winning American Sex Podcast and Open Deeply Podcast, and was 2021's XBIZ Sexpert of the Year. Currently, she’s the Editor-in-Chief of kink-focused Zipper Magazine.
Known for her one-of-a-kind, build-your-own-adventure approach to sex, kink & relationships, Sunny coined the BDSM community catchphrase, Kink is Customizable™. In her sell-out workshops, her unique brand of “edutainment” seamlessly combines her humorous teaching style, interactive exercises, and the latest sexuality research. Sunny’s passion is helping others overcome shame and find their power through play and pleasure. Currently, she’s working on her first book, “Customizable Kink: A Strategic Guide to Adult Play.”
Episode 199 Helpful Links & Resources
Sunny Megatron website https://sunnymegatron.com/
Sunny Megatron TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@sunnymegatron?
Sunny Megatron Twitter https://twitter.com/sunnymegatron
Sunny Megatron Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sunnymegatron/
The Dom/sub Virtual Summit 2/20-24 http://bit.ly.sunnydssummit
Everything You Need to Know About Safewords by Sunny Megatron https://zippermagazine.com/everything-you-need-to-know-about-safewords/
What's the Difference Between a Tradwife & Domestic Service Submissive? https://zippermagazine.com/tradwife-vs-domestic-service-sub/
BDSM Test American Sex Podcast episode https://sunnymegatron.com/the-bdsm-test/
193 - Safewords episode part 1 https://sunnymegatron.com/safewords-consent-kink-is-customizable/
194 - Safewords episode part 2 https://sunnymegatron.com/kink-nuance-podcast/
Kink Academy Online BDSM Learning Library http://bit.ly/kinkacademy
Sunny’s Free Kink Negotiation & Scene Planning Mini-Workbook https://sunnymegatron.gumroad.com/l/negotiationwb
How to Tell if Your BDSM Relationship is Abusive https://www.vice.com/en/article/panjbz/how-to-tell-if-your-bdsm-relationship-is-abusive
The 6 stages of grooming https://www.skillsplatform.org/blog/6-stages-of-grooming-adults-and-teens-spotting-the-red-flags/
Sunny Megatron TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@sunnymegatron
American Sex Podcast Discord Community http://bit.ly/discordasp
American Sex Podcast Patreon http://patreon.com/americansex
Episode 199 Sponsor & Affiliate Discount Codes/Links
*by using our links & codes you can help support our work while saving a few bucks too—win/win!
30-day free trial of Dipsea Stories when you use code SUNNY at http://dipseastories.com/sunny
Go to http://GreenChef.com/sunny60 and use code sunny60 to get 60% off plus free shipping
Build your credit score with http://Kikoff.com
Shameless Sex Podcast https://www.shamelesssex.com/
Sex Talk With My Mom Podcast http://www.sextalkwithmymom.com/
Pleasure Podcasts Network https://www.pleasurepodcasts.com/
Hot & Healthy Erotic Humiliation recorded class https://gum.co/humiliationclass
15% off most items from Stockroom https://bit.ly/sunnystockroom15 with code SUNNY _______________________________________________________________
–To support American Sex podcast/Sunny Megatron & help offset the cost of providing no-charge education: http://patreon.com/americansex
–Get friendly with us on Twitter at @AmericanSexPod & sunnymegatron.com
Check out our latest episode!
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The True Story of How I Became a Sex Educator and Researcher
Our professional biographies tend to serve as a “highlight reel”—they only say the great things we’ve accomplished and don’t reveal the struggles, challenges, and uncertainties that went into building a career. To lift back the curtain on this, the Society for Personality and Social Psychology (SPSP) recently asked a number of scholars to submit their official bios along with their “unofficial bios” that reveal an extremely different version of the story with more twists and turns.
You can read some of the examples here. Although I didn’t participate in it, I thought it would be fun to do something similar on the blog. So here goes—I’ll start with my official bio, followed by the real, behind-the-scenes story.
Official Bio of Dr. Justin J. Lehmiller
Dr. Justin Lehmiller received his Ph.D. in Social Psychology from Purdue University. He is a Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute and author of the book Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life. Dr. Lehmiller is an award-winning educator, having been honored three times with the Certificate of Teaching Excellence from Harvard University, where he taught for several years. He is also a prolific researcher and scholar who has published more than 50 academic works to date, including a textbook titled The Psychology of Human Sexuality (now in its second edition) that is used in college classrooms around the world. Dr. Lehmiller's studies have appeared in all of the leading journals on human sexuality, including the Journal of Sex Research, Archives of Sexual Behavior, and The Journal of Sexual Medicine.
Dr. Lehmiller has run the popular blog Sex and Psychology since 2011. It receives millions of page views per year and is rated among the top sex blogs on the internet. In 2019, he launched the Sex and Psychology Podcast. It ranks among the top sexuality podcasts in several countries and has been named one of “11 sex podcasts that will help you get better in bed” by Men’s Health.
Dr. Lehmiller has been interviewed by numerous media outlets, including The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times, The Chicago Tribune, The Boston Globe, CNN, The Atlantic, The Globe and Mail, and The Sunday Times. He has been named one of 5 "Sexperts" You Need to Follow on Twitter by Men's Health and one of the "modern-day masters of sex" by Nerve. Dr. Lehmiller has appeared on the Netflix series Sex, Explained, he has been on several episodes of the television program Taboo on the National Geographic Channel, and he has been a guest on Dr. Phil. Dr. Lehmiller has also appeared on numerous podcasts and radio shows, including the Savage Lovecast, the BBC’s Up All Night, and several NPR programs (1A, Radio Times, and Airtalk).
He is a popular freelance writer, penning columns and op-eds for major publications, including The Washington Post, Playboy, USA Today, VICE, Psychology Today, Men’s Health, Politico, and New York Magazine. He has also interviewed several prominent authors, journalists, and psychologists about their work for his blog and podcast, including Dr. Sanjay Gupta, Lisa Ling, Drs. John and Julie Gottman, and bestselling authors Christopher Ryan (Sex at Dawn) and Lisa Taddeo (Three Women).
Unofficial Bio of Dr. Justin J. Lehmiller
When Justin’s parents asked him what he wanted to study in college, he said “psychology.” He had taken a couple of psychology courses in high school that he found to be absolutely fascinating; however, his parents discouraged him from this because getting into a PhD program was tough and uncertain and, if that didn’t work out, they didn’t see much potential in a Bachelor’s degree in psychology. They encouraged him to pursue a career in occupational therapy (OT) instead because a family friend said “they needed more men in the field,” and also because his parents saw it as a path to job security with a pretty good paycheck.
He applied to a 5-year combined Bachelor’s/Master’s program in OT at Gannon University and was admitted. Incidentally, he was one of two men in the entire program. He spent a year and a half in it and made straight As in every course, including biochemistry and physics—but he wasn’t happy. He recognized the importance of OT to society, but it wasn’t his passion. After showing his parents that he was taking college seriously and earning good grades, they allowed him to switch his major to psychology.
Upon completing his Bachelor’s degree, he only applied to Master’s programs in psychology because he didn’t think he had the chops to get into a PhD program right away. The inferiority complex was strong in this one, so he didn’t even try. He applied and was accepted to Villanova University’s Master’s program in experimental psychology. He was not competitive enough of a candidate to receive an assistantship initially, although he eventually received one after another student dropped out.
He really wanted to study social psychology at Villanova, but there was only one social psychologist on staff at the time and several interested students. The only option for him was to beg one of the clinical psychologists to let him do a social psychology study for his Master’s thesis.
As he began looking for PhD programs to apply to, he met Dr. Chris Agnew at a meeting of the American Psychological Association. Chris was studying romantic relationships and Justin thought that sounded like a fun thing to spend his life doing. Plus, Chris was a super cool guy who seemed like a fantastic mentor. He applied and was admitted to Purdue’s social psychology program, although he was initially waitlisted (and rejected from all but one other program). Justin’s plan was to get his doctorate and become a college professor. Teaching and research sounded like things he could probably do.
Justin was assigned to teach a Health Psychology course at Purdue during his first year. He had never taught a class before and quickly realized that he was very uncomfortable with public speaking. The class was a disaster. Attendance dropped 60-70% within the first couple of weeks. He had no idea what he was doing and dreaded going to class each day—and he received poor evaluations in the end.
Around the same time, Justin submitted his first academic paper to a journal, it was promptly rejected and came with this review: “This manuscript is fatally flawed and of marginal utility, which is a shame because potentially interesting questions could have been asked given the topic and timing of the research. The tone of this manuscript represents the worst in scientific misconstrual, particularly because the claims are silly, wrong, or not warranted by the data.” Justin clearly sucked at both teaching and research—and if he couldn’t do those things well, how would he ever become a college professor?
He also started hearing horror stories from advanced students in his program who couldn’t find jobs and were sticking around for 6 or 7 years in the hope of eventually landing a job—any job. All of this led Justin to question what the hell he was doing with his life. Maybe he should have listened to his parents after all? Chris encouraged Justin to stick with it, though, as did his friends and mentors.
The next year, Justin got assigned to be a teaching assistant for a human sexuality course taught by Dr. Janice Kelly. It changed his life. He had to lead weekly discussion sections with students and answer their sex questions (a subject he knew next to nothing about, having attended Catholic schools most of his life). He read about sex extensively and instantly knew he had found what he really wanted to do with his career. He saw it as something fun and interesting—but also a way that he could make a real difference. He realized how little most people actually know about sex, and how education can correct so many harmful myths and misconceptions.
An opportunity to teach his own human sexuality class opened up the following year, and he took it. This time around, teaching was different—he was passionate about the subject and the students were, too. He had no problems with attendance. He ended up teaching this course six times before he graduated and eventually received a teaching award for it. He found that he loved being a sex educator.
He also found a solution to his public speaking anxiety: he started taking a beta-blocker (propranolol) on public speaking days, which removed physiological symptoms of anxiety. This allowed him to feel like himself in front of a crowd and, after just a few months, he no longer needed to take the medication—the anxiety had gone away completely.
He started conducting his own sex research, too, including a series of studies with Dr. Kelly on friends with benefits. His research skills improved and his studies started getting accepted instead of rejected.
He eventually landed a job at Colorado State University as an assistant professor, where he stayed for three years and continued his work as a sex educator and researcher. His partner couldn’t get a job in the area and had just taken a job in Boston, so Justin applied for every academic job within two hours of Boston. He was turned down for all of them. As a last-ditch effort, he applied for a teaching position at Harvard but had absolutely no confidence in it. He almost didn’t submit the application, but his partner encouraged him to do so. Justin had applied to Harvard’s PhD program previously and was rejected—if they didn’t want him as a student, why the heck would they want him as a teacher?
To his great surprise, he got the job at Harvard, where he stayed for three years. However, he had given up his tenure-track job in Colorado for a teaching position in Boston with no job security. So he decided to reinvent himself just in case things didn’t work out. In his spare time, he started a blog, wrote a human sexuality textbook, and became a freelance media writer. Communicating about sex science to the public became his hobby and was going to be his backup career in case the college professor thing didn’t work out.
Eventually, Justin’s partner wanted to move to Indianapolis for a job opportunity, so they left Boston. But Justin didn’t have a job at first and his backup plan wasn’t yet enough to be a full-time job. He knew the Kinsey Institute was nearby, so he drafted a letter to the director in the hope of establishing a connection, but he never sent it. He had a severe case of imposter syndrome and did not feel accomplished or experienced enough to have anything to do with what he saw as the premier hub for sex research in the world.
Much to his surprise, the associate director of the Institute reached out to him after he moved to Indiana to explore opportunities for working together. It was actually his hobby/backup plan that caught their eye—they were interested in working together to disseminate sex science to the public and were impressed with what he had done with his blog and social media.
Justin affiliated with Kinsey, but also jumped back on the tenure track with a job as the Director of the Social Psychology Program at Ball State University, which fortuitously opened up about 4 months after he moved to Indianapolis. After 3.5 years, he decided to leave full-time academics and do his own thing. His science communication hobby had managed to grow into a full-time job and it was no longer feasible to do that and academics. Plus, he found that the science communication work was really where his passion was. So, the backup plan officially became “the plan.”
Justin now spends every day finding new ways to help educate and inform the public about the science of sex. He’s still not sure how things ended up this way, but wouldn’t trade his current job for anything.
Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology? Click here for more from the blog or here to listen to the podcast. Follow Sex and Psychology on Facebook, Twitter (@JustinLehmiller), or Reddit to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.
Image Source: 123RF
You Might Also Like:
How Do You Become a Sex Researcher?
So You Want To Be A Science Blogger? Here’s What You Need To Know
Sex Question Friday: What Is A Sexologist And How Do I Become One?
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The True Story of How I Became a Sex Educator and Researcher
Our professional biographies tend to serve as a “highlight reel”—they only say the great things we’ve accomplished and don’t reveal the struggles, challenges, and uncertainties that went into building a career. To lift back the curtain on this, the Society for Personality and Social Psychology (SPSP) recently asked a number of scholars to submit their official bios along with their “unofficial bios” that reveal an extremely different version of the story with more twists and turns.
You can read some of the examples here. Although I didn’t participate in it, I thought it would be fun to do something similar on the blog. So here goes—I’ll start with my official bio, followed by the real, behind-the-scenes story.
Official Bio of Dr. Justin J. Lehmiller
Dr. Justin Lehmiller received his Ph.D. in Social Psychology from Purdue University. He is a Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute and author of the book Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life. Dr. Lehmiller is an award-winning educator, having been honored three times with the Certificate of Teaching Excellence from Harvard University, where he taught for several years. He is also a prolific researcher and scholar who has published more than 50 academic works to date, including a textbook titled The Psychology of Human Sexuality (now in its second edition) that is used in college classrooms around the world. Dr. Lehmiller's studies have appeared in all of the leading journals on human sexuality, including the Journal of Sex Research, Archives of Sexual Behavior, and The Journal of Sexual Medicine.
Dr. Lehmiller has run the popular blog Sex and Psychology since 2011. It receives millions of page views per year and is rated among the top sex blogs on the internet. In 2019, he launched the Sex and Psychology Podcast. It ranks among the top sexuality podcasts in several countries and has been named one of “11 sex podcasts that will help you get better in bed” by Men’s Health.
Dr. Lehmiller has been interviewed by numerous media outlets, including The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times, The Chicago Tribune, The Boston Globe, CNN, The Atlantic, The Globe and Mail, and The Sunday Times. He has been named one of 5 "Sexperts" You Need to Follow on Twitter by Men's Health and one of the "modern-day masters of sex" by Nerve. Dr. Lehmiller has appeared on the Netflix series Sex, Explained, he has been on several episodes of the television program Taboo on the National Geographic Channel, and he has been a guest on Dr. Phil. Dr. Lehmiller has also appeared on numerous podcasts and radio shows, including the Savage Lovecast, the BBC’s Up All Night, and several NPR programs (1A, Radio Times, and Airtalk).
He is a popular freelance writer, penning columns and op-eds for major publications, including The Washington Post, Playboy, USA Today, VICE, Psychology Today, Men’s Health, Politico, and New York Magazine. He has also interviewed several prominent authors, journalists, and psychologists about their work for his blog and podcast, including Dr. Sanjay Gupta, Lisa Ling, Drs. John and Julie Gottman, and bestselling authors Christopher Ryan (Sex at Dawn) and Lisa Taddeo (Three Women).
Unofficial Bio of Dr. Justin J. Lehmiller
When Justin’s parents asked him what he wanted to study in college, he said “psychology.” He had taken a couple of psychology courses in high school that he found to be absolutely fascinating; however, his parents discouraged him from this because getting into a PhD program was tough and uncertain and, if that didn’t work out, they didn’t see much potential in a Bachelor’s degree in psychology. They encouraged him to pursue a career in occupational therapy (OT) instead because a family friend said “they needed more men in the field,” and also because his parents saw it as a path to job security with a pretty good paycheck.
He applied to a 5-year combined Bachelor’s/Master’s program in OT at Gannon University and was admitted. Incidentally, he was one of two men in the entire program. He spent a year and a half in it and made straight As in every course, including biochemistry and physics—but he wasn’t happy. He recognized the importance of OT to society, but it wasn’t his passion. After showing his parents that he was taking college seriously and earning good grades, they allowed him to switch his major to psychology.
Upon completing his Bachelor’s degree, he only applied to Master’s programs in psychology because he didn’t think he had the chops to get into a PhD program right away. The inferiority complex was strong in this one, so he didn’t even try. He applied and was accepted to Villanova University’s Master’s program in experimental psychology. He was not competitive enough of a candidate to receive an assistantship initially, although he eventually received one after another student dropped out.
He really wanted to study social psychology at Villanova, but there was only one social psychologist on staff at the time and several interested students. The only option for him was to beg one of the clinical psychologists to let him do a social psychology study for his Master’s thesis.
As he began looking for PhD programs to apply to, he met Dr. Chris Agnew at a meeting of the American Psychological Association. Chris was studying romantic relationships and Justin thought that sounded like a fun thing to spend his life doing. Plus, Chris was a super cool guy who seemed like a fantastic mentor. He applied and was admitted to Purdue’s social psychology program, although he was initially waitlisted (and rejected from all but one other program). Justin’s plan was to get his doctorate and become a college professor. Teaching and research sounded like things he could probably do.
Justin was assigned to teach a Health Psychology course at Purdue during his first year. He had never taught a class before and quickly realized that he was very uncomfortable with public speaking. The class was a disaster. Attendance dropped 60-70% within the first couple of weeks. He had no idea what he was doing and dreaded going to class each day—and he received poor evaluations in the end.
Around the same time, Justin submitted his first academic paper to a journal, it was promptly rejected and came with this review: “This manuscript is fatally flawed and of marginal utility, which is a shame because potentially interesting questions could have been asked given the topic and timing of the research. The tone of this manuscript represents the worst in scientific misconstrual, particularly because the claims are silly, wrong, or not warranted by the data.” Justin clearly sucked at both teaching and research—and if he couldn’t do those things well, how would he ever become a college professor?
He also started hearing horror stories from advanced students in his program who couldn’t find jobs and were sticking around for 6 or 7 years in the hope of eventually landing a job—any job. All of this led Justin to question what the hell he was doing with his life. Maybe he should have listened to his parents after all? Chris encouraged Justin to stick with it, though, as did his friends and mentors.
The next year, Justin got assigned to be a teaching assistant for a human sexuality course taught by Dr. Janice Kelly. It changed his life. He had to lead weekly discussion sections with students and answer their sex questions (a subject he knew next to nothing about, having attended Catholic schools most of his life). He read about sex extensively and instantly knew he had found what he really wanted to do with his career. He saw it as something fun and interesting—but also a way that he could make a real difference. He realized how little most people actually know about sex, and how education can correct so many harmful myths and misconceptions.
An opportunity to teach his own human sexuality class opened up the following year, and he took it. This time around, teaching was different—he was passionate about the subject and the students were, too. He had no problems with attendance. He ended up teaching this course six times before he graduated and eventually received a teaching award for it. He found that he loved being a sex educator.
He also found a solution to his public speaking anxiety: he started taking a beta-blocker (propranolol) on public speaking days, which removed physiological symptoms of anxiety. This allowed him to feel like himself in front of a crowd and, after just a few months, he no longer needed to take the medication—the anxiety had gone away completely.
He started conducting his own sex research, too, including a series of studies with Dr. Kelly on friends with benefits. His research skills improved and his studies started getting accepted instead of rejected.
He eventually landed a job at Colorado State University as an assistant professor, where he stayed for three years and continued his work as a sex educator and researcher. His partner couldn’t get a job in the area and had just taken a job in Boston, so Justin applied for every academic job within two hours of Boston. He was turned down for all of them. As a last-ditch effort, he applied for a teaching position at Harvard but had absolutely no confidence in it. He almost didn’t submit the application, but his partner encouraged him to do so. Justin had applied to Harvard’s PhD program previously and was rejected—if they didn’t want him as a student, why the heck would they want him as a teacher?
To his great surprise, he got the job at Harvard, where he stayed for three years. However, he had given up his tenure-track job in Colorado for a teaching position in Boston with no job security. So he decided to reinvent himself just in case things didn’t work out. In his spare time, he started a blog, wrote a human sexuality textbook, and became a freelance media writer. Communicating about sex science to the public became his hobby and was going to be his backup career in case the college professor thing didn’t work out.
Eventually, Justin’s partner wanted to move to Indianapolis for a job opportunity, so they left Boston. But Justin didn’t have a job at first and his backup plan wasn’t yet enough to be a full-time job. He knew the Kinsey Institute was nearby, so he drafted a letter to the director in the hope of establishing a connection, but he never sent it. He had a severe case of imposter syndrome and did not feel accomplished or experienced enough to have anything to do with what he saw as the premier hub for sex research in the world.
Much to his surprise, the associate director of the Institute reached out to him after he moved to Indiana to explore opportunities for working together. It was actually his hobby/backup plan that caught their eye—they were interested in working together to disseminate sex science to the public and were impressed with what he had done with his blog and social media.
Justin affiliated with Kinsey, but also jumped back on the tenure track with a job as the Director of the Social Psychology Program at Ball State University, which fortuitously opened up about 4 months after he moved to Indianapolis. After 3.5 years, he decided to leave full-time academics and do his own thing. His science communication hobby had managed to grow into a full-time job and it was no longer feasible to do that and academics. Plus, he found that the science communication work was really where his passion was. So, the backup plan officially became “the plan.”
Justin now spends every day finding new ways to help educate and inform the public about the science of sex. He’s still not sure how things ended up this way, but wouldn’t trade his current job for anything.
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