#sex in the park

[ariaste]

swear to god if I read another motherfucking fic where these vampires pause to get the lube I am going to have a fucking mental breakdown and chew holes in the walls. i have had it up to here. this is an intervention. this is a come-to-jesus moment. what are you doing. are you thinking about your choices. why are you making them have sex like they're humans instead of weird fucked-up vampire sex. look into my eyes. can you please consider your worldbuilding choices and make ones that are less excruciatingly boring. look at me. you're being the softest beigest pillow if you make them use human lube. i'm serious. i will die on this hill.

fight me in the comments if you disagree or you feel huffy about this, i don't care. come at me, bro, i own the night.

[yardsards]

some people on here make Hating All Social Rules such an obnoxiously large part of their personality that you could say "it is polite to avoid farting in a crowded elevator if you can help it" and they'd call you an oppressive puritan who hates the incontinent

[kiestrokes]

Omg so I can't stop thinking about high sex with ateez like ive been so insatiably horny everything I've smoked or had an edible I just AHHH i just want dick so bad

Stoned Sex with ATEEZ | NSFW

Pairing: ATEEZ x Reader/You/Yn (vagina pov) Rating: NSFW. Mature (18+) Minors DNI. Genre: headcanon, imagine, smut. Warnings: cannabis use (obviously), in theory both parties are high, so it is mutual, everyone is consenting, established relationship vibes.

Sexually Explicit Content: mentions of subspace, morning sex, rough sex, deep sex, feral (idk at this point just proceed with caution if you're just a vanilla person), rough touches, kissing, biting, cockwarming, oral (f receiving), humping, thigh fucking, surprise orgasm, orgasms.

🗝️ Note: let me know if I missed anything for the warnings, I am not really here in the realm of proof reading. Sorry, this took me a while to get to my atiny anon, hope it's enough to hold you over until you make it to a dick appt!

Disclaimers: This is a work of fiction; I do not own any of the idols depicted here. 

Park Seonghwa Hwa appears unassuming, the two of you go through the usual nightly routine but once he's got you in the bed things shift. He's a needy cat, pawing across your body, you fit snug against his hips as he rocks softly into you from behind, moaning about how soft and plush your skin is when he's like this. He doesn't want to be inside you, just nestled between your thighs from behind as his slim fingers play your clit like an instrument, stroking moans out of your body with each pluck.

Kim Hongjoong High Joong gives me feral vibes...HJ is usually so reserved. But something about the THC sends his brain into overdrive. Hongjoong can't keep his mouth off of you. It's everywhere, until it's finally exactly where you need. Between your thighs. He's rocking his hips restlessly into the end of the mattress at each squirm and thrust of you pelvis against his chin.

Jeong Yunho He is probably the most aware while high, the only thing is his grip is a little stronger than normal. Yunho basically wants to embed himself in your body. For his hands to become one with your thighs. You wake up with lovely handprints in the morning reminding you of him.

Kang Yeosang I feel like stoned sex with Yeo is going to be soft, like how Hwa talks about him being cute drunk. He's whiney and very vocally appreciative of you and your body. It's slow and maybe a little intense, missionary with you rolling on top. Yeo loses it when you press him down into the bed. He dissolves a little into subspace when he's high.

Choi San guys (non-gendered) I am so sorry but THIS man, he falls asleep before anything can actually happen. He sleepily stokes your fire, but you're left finishing the job yourself. Sorry to my San biases, I wish I felt different about this one too. He's just a sleepy man. Definitely wakes you up in the morning for some slowww, drawn out sex. He's intense from how he gazes at you to the lingering pace at which he fucks you.

Song Mingi High Mings becomes big and pliable. He's also whiney and vocal like Yeosang, but a little less articulate. Mingi wants to spoon you, which quickly escalates into something else. His hands are all over you, drifting across your body. Crushing you into his lap as he tries to bury himself in you, deeper and deeper with each thrust. The two of you fall asleep with him still inside (rip you with that uti later).

Jung Wooyoung Feral like his hyung...this guy. He can’t get enough of anything. His skin feels like it’s on fire. He wants to be melted to you. Your lips, tongue, it’s drawn-out sex because he doesn’t want it to end. You're overstimulated in the best way possible; every nerve ending is firing.

Choi Jongho Is giggly. I can just FEEL it. Jongho is laughing but also giving you that intense gaze and each touch is purposeful. You're so keyed up from the laughter and foreplay that your giddiness spills over into a quick and extreme orgasm that takes you both by surprise. Jongho has never come so quickly, and you sure as hell never have.

© COPYRIGHT 2023 by kiestrokes All rights reserved. No portion of this work may be reproduced without written permission from the author. This includes translations.

[haggishlyhagging]

I would enjoy hearing myself called by the title "doctor." I've read a lot about medicine. I imagine I would make a very fine doctor. But I do not call myself "doctor." I do not have the training, experiences, and history of a doctor. I have not paid the life price to be a doctor. It is in no way a personal insult to me to deny me the right to use "doctor" on my resume. It is simply the educational reality of my life. Putting on a white coat and stethoscope would not make me a doctor. Claiming "doctor" on my resume would constitute fraud.

There are now people with penises who wish to use the title "Woman." They would enjoy hearing themselves called "Woman." They've observed and read about what it means to be a woman. They imagine they would make a very fine woman. But they do not have the biology, the experiences, the Blood Mysteries of Woman; they have not paid the life price to be a woman. It is no personal insult to them to deny them that title. It is simply the biological reality of their lives. Applying this culture's "artifacts" of Woman long hair and painted fingernails, makeup, dresses, high heels, breast implants, and "feminizing" face surgery does not make them Woman. For a person with a penis, claiming "Woman" constitutes fraud.

-Ava Park, “Female Erasure: A Sampler” in Female Erasure

[murderandcoffee]

This whole "simp martin" martin thing has got me thinking

Like

Jon: sex isnt on the table for me

Martin (who still cant even believe he got THIS far): thats not gonna be a problem for me

jon: yeah, don't expect sex me from, I rarely--if ever--desire it

martin, ecstatic at what all that leaves on the table: THAT'S WHERE YOU DRAW THE LINE???

jon, a little horrified: I have never seen anyone so excited to learn that sex is out of the equation

martin: I THOUGHT YOU HATED ME FOR A SOLID YEAR

jon: ...

martin: THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER

[tilbageidanmark]

Marilyn Monroe, by Alfred Eisenstaedt, 1953

[crisisensues]

They’ve rotted my brain

A bit suggestive under the cut nothing bad though

Toxic yuri I love you

[fayegonnaslay]

Matthew Broderick carrying Sarah Jessica Parker across puddles in the rain to see a play in Central Park; New York City, August 2001.

[carnadelions]

[grits-galraisedinthesouth]

20 minutes of my life I'll never get back. 🤦‍♂️

I must be a glutton for punishment because I actually watched Kinsey Schofield's 20 min interview w/Valentine Low. May this rant save you from making the same mistake:

Valentine Low & Kinsey Schofield just reminded me that the British press is in desperate need of a grief recovery workshop to let go of their palace manufactured PR image of Sparry, "the CONSERVATIONIST," and accept the REALITY: Sparry has ALWAYS been a member of the lost boys who never intend to grow up. He loves drugs, perverted soho house sex play pens, and living a secret lifestyle in San Francisco, CA. As we saw in the South Park Documentary, Sparry has always wanted to be left alone so he can just bang on his drums all day.

The British media needs to accept that they never knew the Sparry aka Prince Harry. Much like Fergie & Andrew: The Meghans are two (2) intellectually below average individuals who married in haste. Both their academic & professional work histories indicate that these two (2) immature adults, lack even the basic skills necessary to function in society without the help of a PR "machine" whose job is to clean up their messes and repeatedly rebrand them into more acceptable members of polite society. It's past time for Valentine Low and other UK journalists to admit that they never really knew Sparry. All their Diana goodwill should now be invested into the future of the BRF (the family of Prince William)

No amount of hoping for the best or "covering up" for Sparry's misdeeds can transform the moral rot in his character. They bought and sold the PR image manufactured by the palace. It was the paparazzi & other "undesirables" who had the misfortune of observing the REAL Sparry. They watched him mistreat drivers, security, staffers, etc long BEFORE he was seduced by MEgain.

V Low believes Sparry flew a helicopter! 😳 Come on! Too many REAL service members have spoken out about Sparry's military character and performance and there's nothing good about it.

Sparry, like his wife is also a liar and a bully. He's not intellectually bright, he never was... He even bullied his grandparents before the "spectacle," he bullied Meghan's father...we heard reports about seeking a left wing wife and his interest in living in the US----all before MEgain.

Low also thinks Sparry loves his children. Has Valentine Low ever seen the invisibles? No. He's transferred a PR image to a couple of never before seen kids and their so called father. A so-called "father" who is willing to destroy his brother's children (and the innocent children of other couples) through the spread of destructive lies, has zero interest in the REAL wellbeing of anyone's kids, least of all his own.

As for the Wife: her ability to earn a college degree as an American teenager/young adult without even the offer of an ACADEMIC scholarship means that she too is mediocre and overrated. Her university commencement program states that she was a candidate for a degree in "communications" NOT some whip smart area of study like biochemistry or engineering! 🤦‍♂️

As a university student, thanks to her dad's brother (mike), she spent a measly six (6) weeks in Argentina on an exchange program (paid by her father) until she failed an exam that would have allowed her to apply for (real) jobs in the States. An intellectual or any hard worker would have studied until she passed the test. Not Rachel Meghan Markle. If no one was willing to make an exception for her low marks, then she would whore her way up a series of ladders until she found someone dumb enough to give her a platform.

No, this is NOT a "smart" couple. This couple is a cautionary tale about how Water seeks it's own level: Sparry's mother and teachers did him a disservice, just as MEgain's father did her a disservice: SPARE the rod & SPOIL the child

Kinsey believes that MEgain is "smart" because she achieved a Duchess title. (What does this tell us about Kinsey's IQ. 🤦‍♂️😳)

MEgain became a "Duchess" because she was a professional "seductress" employeed by Markus Anderson & Soho House. Everything this couple achieves is smoke & mirrors based on TRANSACTIONAL relationships where they bully & harass anyone standing in their way.

They don't even possess good work ethics, let alone above average IQs. Please call a spade a spade (or in this case a spare a spare) and stop gaslighting the public about what Sparry could have done had he not been involved with the wife.

We watched the wife verbally abuse KP staffers over bereavement flowers and feckless Sparry stood by in AGREEMENT. Wicked queen Jezebel 2.0 and traitorous king ahab 2.0. Let them go!

[columboscreens]

[her-soliloquies]

This is a cry for help. I desperately need more kdramas like Beyond Evil and The Devil Judge (yk the type with insane chemistry between the two main male leads, no unnecessary and forced romance with a female character, focusing on the plot rather than romance while also presenting very intense homoerotic scenes)

I'm very open to your suggestions

[greghatecrimes]

she's so impatient LMFAO

[junespriince]

In the walls au

Zatanna: hey, Wally, I know you're looking for a house, I have one but it's haunted as fuck.

Wally, a struggling chem student: I don't believe in ghost, you crystal girly, now is it cheap or not.

Zatanna: it's paid for, it's my boyfriend's grandma's old house but he doesn't want it and he's willing to give it to anyone who wants to pay for power and water, basically.

Wally: where do I sign? I'll have my shit in by today, I'll break your boy toy's hand for those keys!

Zatanna: okay, okay, I'll text him you'll take the house.

Wally: thanks Zee, you're the best!

Zatanna, flips her hair: natural~

Moving into the house.

Wally, sitting on his bed surrounded by a shadow person: you know, I would say it's creepy you cut off my blind dates hand and send them to me in a reused Amazon box Bec he touched me but I roomed with to pagan, crystal girlies who I let put crystal on me to heal my student debt and let their dark magic girlfriend sacrifice me to a demon, so. Points for recycling.

Dick, making himself less shadowy: that's sad.

Wally: I was desperate and was willing to do anything.

Dick: so you're not afraid of me?

Wally: if I die I'm not in debt no more, plus I'm haunted by a pretty boy, and got a damn good job paying my debt and affording better groceries. Life good right now.

Dick: oh, you think I'm pretty?

Wally: duh, are you even listening to me.

Dick, grabs Wallys face: well I think you're pretty too.

Wally, blushed: th-thanks.

Dick: just remember, you belong to me now, don't forget it. *Leaves into the shadows of the dark room*

Wally:

Wally, texting zatanna: you said haunted, didn't say he's hot ass fuck and possessive, tell your boytoy thanks!!

Zatanna:

Zatanna: boy, you need help.

Donna: he's passed help, have fun with your possessive ghost!

Linda: details if he pipes you.

Wally: 🫡🫡