#sewer slidal | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

k0r3-h34rt · 3 months ago

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sometimes I feel so fucking stupid. So useless. Worthless.

Why can't I just be normal. Why can't I sleep. Why can't I just close my eyes and wake up in the morning. Why and I always up at 1am. 2am. 3am. 4am.

Why do I simply not sleep some nights.

Why can I not remember.

Why do I not remember.

Why can I not be normal.

Why. Why WHy. WHY? WHY AM I LIKE THIS. WHY AM I SO FUCKING MESSED UP.

Why can't I just function properly. Why do I have to have so many issues. Why can't I have a properly functioning body. Why do I always have to be in pain. Why can't my ears work properly. Why don't my eyes see normally. Why do I have to be like this. Why am I in this body. Why can't I be normal. Why can't I just be a girl. Or have a boys body. Why do I have to be this dysphoric, depressed, fucked up epicentre. Why do I have to be a boy in a girls body. Why can't anyone love me for me. Not for my tits. Not for my body. Not for the attention. Not for the pity. Not for the fucked up experience. Why can't someone just love me. Why am I never enough. Why.

Why do I always hurt. Why must I ache so deeply with no cure. Why must I live. Why do I have to care. Why can't I just not care about others. Why am I such a fucking coward that I can't drive a knife through my chest and finish this nightmare. Why can't I wake up from this horrific dream.

Why was I punished for trying to be kind. I simply wanted to give them a friend. I guess I found out why they had none. Why must I be haunted by my actions committed with the purest heart and the kindest intentions.

Why couldn't my attempts have worked. Why did my attempts never work. Why were they all too weak. Why am I too weak. Why can't I just end this nightmare. Why do I have to care that it would hurt others. Why do I care that people would cry. Far more people would never even know. It's getting bad.

I know if I take my meds I'll feel better. But do I even want to.

Life sucks. People suck. I'm lonely, I'm hurt. No one sees me for me. No one thinks of me. They think of the person they want me to be when they look at me.

I want to read and make art and write. But whats the point.

There are days where I can barely get out of bed. There are days I don't. My teeth are yellow. I can't stand in the shower. I don't know how humour works. I bluescreen when people say something I don't have a programmed response to. My limbs feel wrong. I want to tear my ribs from my chest. I want to hurt myself again. I want to feel the comforting sting of my blade instead of this hollow void. this yearning emptiness inside me. this. nothingness I feel.

I keep thinking of what my psychiatrist has said to me. "People see scars like that and go 'oh she's crazy' dont cut, because you dont want people to think you're crazy right?" "You can't have a mental illness till you're in your late twenties, you can exhibit symptoms, but I can't diagnose you silly." "You can't have that issue, it's so obvious in people when they have it" "You're crazy" "You just have to cut people out if they're a shark"

LIKE I FUCKING KNEW SHE WAS A TOXIC PERSON SUSAN. I WAS 10. SHE THREATENED TO HURT HERSELF, TO KILL HERSELF IF I LEFT. IF I DIDNT LET HER TOUCH ME SHE'D CRY AND ASK IIF I HATED HER. IF SHE WASNT GOOD ENOUGH. I WAS FUCKING 10 SUSAN. I CANT FIGHT EMOTIONAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE THAT KEEPS ME IN A SEXUALLY AND PHYSICLALY ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP SUSAN. I was 10. How was I meant to be able to deal with that. I see my friends go through similar things, years later. at an age where they're mature enough not to shatter.

I want to die

I want it to end

I want to kill myself

I want to run a knife through my chest

I want to take all my prescription meds in one go

I want it to be over

I want to be at peace

I just want some peace

please

end me

I want a moment of freedom. from the pain. the memories. the ache. the numbness. the void. the thing eating away at me inside.

I CAN STILL FEEL HER HANDS ON IN OVER TOUCHING ME

i just want it to stop

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taikin4 · 10 months ago

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puny lizard 🐊

#this guy's arc made me sewer slidal so naturally i had to draw him #fargo #fargo season 5 #gator tillman #joe keery #big shoutout to my pal kat the president of keeristan

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squeapereaper · 2 months ago

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Thank you to everyone who got me to 100 likes!

#100 likes #tumblr milestone #thank you #im gonna end it for real this time #THIS IS A JOKE IM NOT SEWER SLIDAL

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bumblebaubles · 8 months ago

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ok so my theory is that

Ina’s bad vision was caused by the car accident

her powers may have first shown up during the accident thus causing it? Perhaps? She saw something that wasnt there and thats why her mom crashed? Maybe?

#Or the mom was sewer slidal idk #The atypical family

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losinqdogs · 2 months ago

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pls drop loustat fanart ideas artblock and uni r killing me

#pen shut up #begging slash srs i haven’t drawn in too long #and it’s making me sewer slidal lawl #pls i need to create or i will Die

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finnstansonly · 3 months ago

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the way my pfd is literally gonna evaporate within two or three weeks of it hitting my bank account I love being chronically ill with only medicaid to cover my ass

#I’m only getting 700 of it the rest is going to my parents since I’m jobless and don’t pay bills #and like 400 of that is going straight to the dentist and 70 for my LDN and I need braces/compression stuff #and I’m gonna donate at least 70-90 bc I’ll finally have something to give #so yay 100 dollars woooooo #saving is an illusion #like what if I was sewer slidal

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bishonenspit · 5 months ago

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today the weather in tokyo included a normal 95% humidity so look forward to the end of my trip when i evolve a set of gills

#hard to leave the house when touching non conditioned air makes me sewer slidal

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sparkleyiff · 5 months ago

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Not sure if I'll be doing anything more for artfight this year I am. suffering. sorry :(

#my posts tag #work stress making me panic because i dont want to work and i dont know how to run a business #i hate living w other people?!!? so much???????????#im isolated and lonely but also social interaction with ppl is hard and makes me feel ill #body image hater brain is also being really hard to ignore lately too!!#AND my bf hauve covid. for the first time ever. i dont have the energy to take care of him as i am busy mentally kms #and withdrawls still. and the new med isnt working.#and i have to be anxious about not being able to afford either new or old med #because of withdrawals. i think at least. intrusive thoughts are fucking UNIGNOREABLE i cannot swioe away the fucking mental notification #its auto playing loud videos in my head. healp #and i honestly dont enjoy art anymore. or anything at all really.#games and stuff i previously loved are announcing new stuff that should be exciting but its just burnout and fomo #i have no money and no income and it makes me feel awful even tho like yeah im didabled n finding work is fucking impossible??#been in bed like 2 days and when im not asleep im sewer slidal yaaaay #anyways all that was mostly for me. sorry #i have moments of faith and reassurance like yeah this IS a waste of my energy i KNOW itll be fine lol? but i cant. hold onto it.#and that specifically might be system related but so frustrating. can we please work together.

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drowningincaffiene · 1 year ago

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someone plays mother mother at the party and im transported to 2021 summer drawing on the thickest eyeliner ever

#MY DADDYS GOT A GUN MA DADDYS GOTTA GUN YOU BETTER RUN #mother mother penelope scott conan gray mxmtoon beadobea are the day ones #im in a much better place now but summer 2021 was such a vibe #even being mentally unwell amd sewer slidal was fun #ok no im joking #moon rambles

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evnne · 1 year ago

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I truly do my best to understand my mom and her struggles with chronic pain and her other problems but the way she shits on me for every little complain I make and then says that if she was to complain about her problems she would've given up on living already like ???

#maam we handle things differently we are not the same #positive thinking wont work on my brain im sorry im glad it does for u but if i bottle up everything i feel i will be sewer slidal #and its mostly work complaints like she acts as if i cant do that bc i chose to be there #but its honestly killling me to be there and i regret it so much WHY do i have to be silent about it #i do my job to perfection isn't that enough

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heelcody · 2 years ago

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when I want to kill myself but I have to see my favorite wrestler become the champion at WrestleMania 2023

#im mostly jk im not that sewer slidal i promise. just a little bit #txt

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concerto-roblox · 2 years ago

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thinking about the time when i was 15 and my parents found out i'd been going on my phone after midnight instead of sleeping and their reaction was to read every message i'd ever sent to my friends and go through my entire internet history and every single one of my social media accounts and as a result i was forced to come out to them and then they took my phone and computer away for three months... i swear to god i've never had a more violating and harrowing experience in my whole life

#i literally had to tell them i was lowkey sewer slidal to get them to stop being mad at me #it was fucking awful and i still haven't recovered #if you're under 18 and reading this THIS IS NOT A NORMAL REACTION FOR YOUR PARENTS TO HAVE!!#if they're worried about you bc you're not sleeping/oversharing on the internet/in a bad mental place or whatever #their reaction should not be to invade your privacy #like i have so many deep rooted issues from the way my parents reacted to things i did like they were super important #when in reality they weren't that deep #if i ever have a kid i'll never get mad at them about anything ever istg #how to be cringe 101

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lustbitten · 1 year ago

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[ holy shit hello ~ i'll be around today for at least a few replies <3 ]

#decided to start taking care of myself again lmao and the 'mandatory-not mandatory' overtime was literally making me sewer-slidal so 🤪#i'm not doing it anymore #until they tell me that it's actually mandatory #[ ooc ]#anyway <3 lol

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kckflips · 2 years ago

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sam's most beautiful feature?