#sewer slidal
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k0r3-h34rt · 1 month ago
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sometimes I feel so fucking stupid. So useless. Worthless.
Why can't I just be normal. Why can't I sleep. Why can't I just close my eyes and wake up in the morning. Why and I always up at 1am. 2am. 3am. 4am.
Why do I simply not sleep some nights.
Why can I not remember.
Why do I not remember.
Why can I not be normal.
Why. Why WHy. WHY? WHY AM I LIKE THIS. WHY AM I SO FUCKING MESSED UP.
Why can't I just function properly. Why do I have to have so many issues. Why can't I have a properly functioning body. Why do I always have to be in pain. Why can't my ears work properly. Why don't my eyes see normally. Why do I have to be like this. Why am I in this body. Why can't I be normal. Why can't I just be a girl. Or have a boys body. Why do I have to be this dysphoric, depressed, fucked up epicentre. Why do I have to be a boy in a girls body. Why can't anyone love me for me. Not for my tits. Not for my body. Not for the attention. Not for the pity. Not for the fucked up experience. Why can't someone just love me. Why am I never enough. Why.
Why do I always hurt. Why must I ache so deeply with no cure. Why must I live. Why do I have to care. Why can't I just not care about others. Why am I such a fucking coward that I can't drive a knife through my chest and finish this nightmare. Why can't I wake up from this horrific dream.
Why was I punished for trying to be kind. I simply wanted to give them a friend. I guess I found out why they had none. Why must I be haunted by my actions committed with the purest heart and the kindest intentions.
Why couldn't my attempts have worked. Why did my attempts never work. Why were they all too weak. Why am I too weak. Why can't I just end this nightmare. Why do I have to care that it would hurt others. Why do I care that people would cry. Far more people would never even know. It's getting bad.
I know if I take my meds I'll feel better. But do I even want to.
Life sucks. People suck. I'm lonely, I'm hurt. No one sees me for me. No one thinks of me. They think of the person they want me to be when they look at me.
I want to read and make art and write. But whats the point.
There are days where I can barely get out of bed. There are days I don't. My teeth are yellow. I can't stand in the shower. I don't know how humour works. I bluescreen when people say something I don't have a programmed response to. My limbs feel wrong. I want to tear my ribs from my chest. I want to hurt myself again. I want to feel the comforting sting of my blade instead of this hollow void. this yearning emptiness inside me. this. nothingness I feel.
I keep thinking of what my psychiatrist has said to me. "People see scars like that and go 'oh she's crazy' dont cut, because you dont want people to think you're crazy right?" "You can't have a mental illness till you're in your late twenties, you can exhibit symptoms, but I can't diagnose you silly." "You can't have that issue, it's so obvious in people when they have it" "You're crazy" "You just have to cut people out if they're a shark"
LIKE I FUCKING KNEW SHE WAS A TOXIC PERSON SUSAN. I WAS 10. SHE THREATENED TO HURT HERSELF, TO KILL HERSELF IF I LEFT. IF I DIDNT LET HER TOUCH ME SHE'D CRY AND ASK IIF I HATED HER. IF SHE WASNT GOOD ENOUGH. I WAS FUCKING 10 SUSAN. I CANT FIGHT EMOTIONAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE THAT KEEPS ME IN A SEXUALLY AND PHYSICLALY ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP SUSAN. I was 10. How was I meant to be able to deal with that. I see my friends go through similar things, years later. at an age where they're mature enough not to shatter.
I want to die
I want it to end
I want to kill myself
I want to run a knife through my chest
I want to take all my prescription meds in one go
I want it to be over
I want to be at peace
I just want some peace
please
end me
I want a moment of freedom. from the pain. the memories. the ache. the numbness. the void. the thing eating away at me inside.
I CAN STILL FEEL HER HANDS ON IN OVER TOUCHING ME
i just want it to stop
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taikin4 · 9 months ago
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puny lizard 🐊
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squeapereaper · 9 days ago
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Thank you to everyone who got me to 100 likes!
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bumblebaubles · 7 months ago
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ok so my theory is that
Ina’s bad vision was caused by the car accident
her powers may have first shown up during the accident thus causing it? Perhaps? She saw something that wasnt there and thats why her mom crashed? Maybe?
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losinqdogs · 14 days ago
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pls drop loustat fanart ideas artblock and uni r killing me
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finnstansonly · 2 months ago
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the way my pfd is literally gonna evaporate within two or three weeks of it hitting my bank account I love being chronically ill with only medicaid to cover my ass
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bishonenspit · 4 months ago
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today the weather in tokyo included a normal 95% humidity so look forward to the end of my trip when i evolve a set of gills
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sparkleyiff · 4 months ago
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Not sure if I'll be doing anything more for artfight this year I am. suffering. sorry :(
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mockingbirdshymn · 2 years ago
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coughs sputters gives you a thumbs up
hi have some harrison angst for tongue tied the fic im working on WOAHHHH WOWIE
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pov harrisons parents shun him for his magic and he internalizes it till all of it spills out in front of the two people he cares about the most
i have no clue if the dnd part is accurate and i don’t like how i described harrison’s hands as gloved twice in a row but whatever that’s what drafts are for
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drowningincaffiene · 10 months ago
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someone plays mother mother at the party and im transported to 2021 summer drawing on the thickest eyeliner ever
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evnne · 11 months ago
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I truly do my best to understand my mom and her struggles with chronic pain and her other problems but the way she shits on me for every little complain I make and then says that if she was to complain about her problems she would've given up on living already like ???
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heelcody · 2 years ago
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when I want to kill myself but I have to see my favorite wrestler become the champion at WrestleMania 2023
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concerto-roblox · 1 year ago
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thinking about the time when i was 15 and my parents found out i'd been going on my phone after midnight instead of sleeping and their reaction was to read every message i'd ever sent to my friends and go through my entire internet history and every single one of my social media accounts and as a result i was forced to come out to them and then they took my phone and computer away for three months... i swear to god i've never had a more violating and harrowing experience in my whole life
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lustbitten · 1 year ago
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[ holy shit hello ~ i'll be around today for at least a few replies <3 ]
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kckflips · 2 years ago
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sam's most beautiful feature?
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"...you couldn't even lie and say my eyes ? "
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imreszekeres · 2 years ago
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“Would Sano drink a Coke? I have to think about this now!”
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