#seriously though I honestly love how… I wouldn’t say subtle but internal? it was?

[obstinaterixatrix]

this one’s interesting, the main character is a bookbinder who wandered into supernatural stuff and now ghosts and demons love showing up around him, each chapter is him experiencing Something Spooky and I like how atmospheric the art is

it’s gen but the protagonist is gay and has a one-sided crush on an old professor who loves collecting supernatural stuff. ghosts hate showing up around him, so he’s very amped to hang out with the main character

I’m enjoying it so far, there’s been a couple of visuals that have made me go ‘eugh’

[forestlingincorporated]

I wanna talk about Janet Drake

I’m not against exaggeratedly evil versions of Tim’s parents, tbh. It’s fanfiction, if we can depict an Exaggeratedly Good version of Bruce (which we can, and I do, and I love) then we can depict the Drakes as Exaggeratedly Bad. As someone who personally identifies with Tim, and his brand of complicated parental abuse in particular, I find it cathartic to uncomplicate that abuse and rescue him from the Obviously Evil Bad People. 

That said, since much of comics lore is passed down word of mouth, the oral tradition surrounding Tim has developed this idea of Janet as The Worse Parent between her and Jack that was never really present in the comics. We see much LESS of Janet, and we have 20 years worth of comics depicting Jack as a neglectful hotheaded idiot who ultimate does love his son. More importantly, Jack isn’t very much LIKE Tim, so there is a habit to attribute Tim’s traits to his mother... and, as someone who really really identifies with Tim, Tim has... some negative traits. Tim can be a bitch sometimes. He’s fiercely intelligent and sweet and kind, with a strong sense of justice, but he can be cold and judgmental and unthinking - he fights those traits, but he does have them. 

And it is perfectly fine to depict Janet that way. I’ve enjoyed depictions of Cold Calculating Janet Drake, but it’s not the ONLY option, and I want to challenge fans to consider different avenues. Tim could pick up these traits from anywhere: a nanny, Mrs. Mc Ilvaine (”Mrs. Mac”), a teacher, tv, Sherlock Holmes novels, Bruce Wayne himself. Tim is capable of not being like EITHER parent. 

So, what do we KNOW about Janet? (I’ll also touch on Jack, but only in scenes he appears with Janet.) 

When Janet was first introduced she was depicted as a gentle but “modern” woman. This was written in 1989, told by a 13 year old Tim, so this theoretically was meant to take place in 1979. I’m not here to give a lecture on the history of sex discrimination in the united states, but much of the legislation protecting women in the workforce or surrounding women’s bodily autonomy would have been very very new in this initial depiction. 

Here, Janet is shown to be encouraging, emotional, maternal, and projects her own feelings onto Tim. Jack is shown to be slightly sexist, possibly discouraging, but not overbearing. And the artist is shown not to know how to draw children. 

To insert some speculation, I think it’s important to note all the Drakes witnessed a terrible murder/accident that day. I point this out, because this is the last time Jack and Janet are depicted this way. It’s possible they changed as a result of this event specifically. 

However, this is also a story being told by Tim. It’s also possible these events aren’t really “real” at all, and Tim is misremembering what his parents were like as a three-year-old, possibly projecting a more palatable version of his parents into the narrative. This is entirely up to personal interpretation. 

In fact, the Drakes are shown in Legend of the Dark Knight attending Haly’s Circus, and the artist knows what a toddler looks like and they’re depicted as already having a slightly strained relationship. Jack is clearly on the defensive, and Janet seems to be passive-aggressive, though she could just be attempting to explain the situation to her toddler honestly. The intended tone isn’t especially clear. 

I do want to point out, in this depiction, Tim isn’t being carried like he was in the previous one. He’s walking ahead of his parents, which isn’t a terrible horrible crime, but could be dangerous in a crowded place like the circus. Might be a subtle hint to his parents overall neglect. 

Back to A Lonely Place of Dying, in Tim’s memories of the night he discovered Robin and Dick Grayson were the same person at nine-years-old, his parents are home, and watching TV together while Tim played... trucks, idk, in the living room with them. (This is semi-interesting, because you could say “oh, Tim liked vehicle toys as a kid” or you could extrapolate that this is another subtle indication of Jack’s sexism, providing Tim with appropriately “boy toys.” Either interpretation is valid. If Tim was assigned female at birth, would they have been given “girl toys,” or allowed to play with whatever they wanted?) 

This is, to my knowledge, the only panel of the Drakes when Tim is between ages 3 and 13. They’re all together, which might indicate that the Drakes were home more often when Tim was 9, only later going on business trips when Tim was “old enough” but... 

This is Tim’s boarding school when he’s 13. While most boarding schools in the US are for grades 9-12, Tim is clearly not a freshman at age 13; look how much younger the other kids in this panel are. In the US, the youngest you can attend most boarding schools is 7. 

That means Tim could have begun going to boarding school anytime between 7 and 13. He most likely spent all of middle school in boarding school, at least. There are an almost infinite number of possible ways the Drakes handled having a business that required lots of international travel, an archeology hobby, AND a very young child. Janet staying home until Tim was 7, 11, 13, is equally possible as the Drakes having a nanny until 7, 11, 13. Tim just doesn’t talk about that period of his life very much.

(”What about Mrs. Mac?” - it is unclear when Mrs. Mac begins working for the Drakes. We only see her when Jack comes out of his coma. She could either be a long standing staff member, or a recent hire.) 

Note: I’ve seen it said that it’s canon that “According to Tim, when his parents were home, they made a point to try and include him in their activities, bringing him along to events that were normally adults only.” I have never seen this panel, or I don’t remember it, so I cannot confirm, but I also cannot debunk this because... comics. 

By the time Tim is 13, Jack and Janet are away on business trips a lot, with limited communication, and no firm return date. If I’m feeling generous, I’d say it was harder to communicate internationally in 1990 than it is today. If I’m not feeling generous, I’d say the Drakes are extremely wealthy, and international communication was easier than ever before in the 80s and 90s. They’re not even going home to see Tim in a week or two, they’re going home and calling Tim at boarding school in a week or two. 

Even Bruce thinks its weird, though he doesn’t say so to Tim’s face. It’s written almost as if Tim’s parents’ neglect was meant to be a plot point that just got forgotten about. 

Tim’s parents are fighting at this point (their poor assistant), but Janet still goes with Jack on these business trips. And she’s clearly involved in the business, somehow, but the comics never SAY what Janet’s JOB is. We’re told Jack is the exec, but Janet is ONLY ever referred to as Jack’s wife, though they’re later described as the “heads” of the company, plural. 

Just to be clear, this is Jack’s business. There’s a perception that Jack is a bad business man because he and Janet fight over company decisions, and Jack looses the business after Janet dies, but Jack looses the company YEARS after Janet dies, and maintains it for about a year after No Man’s Land at that. We’re not told how Jack looses the business, but he’s got to be doing something right. Janet isn’t necessarily the “real brains” of Drake Industries. 

And I’m not... gonna... touch the... exploitation and racism because... I’m not qualified to do that. But, here’s the panel. The Drakes sure seem exploitative and racist in their business decisions. Someone else can... analyze that with more nuance. 

Regardless how how long they’ve been fighting, when their lives are in danger, the Drakes fall back into a loving husband and wife. Their marriage may be falling apart, but they do care about each other. 

I want to show these panels because it shows that Tim and Jack do have things in common. They’re both level headed in a crisis and can be somewhat cold in their practicality. Janet meanwhile and silent. Jack is later willing rant and rave at their captors, but Janet remains silent. 

That is, until they’re alone, and she finally lets herself fall apart. 

God, Jack can be obnoxious. Janet just looks miserable and resigned. I actually think Tim takes after his parents in this respect in equal measure. Tim can have a temper, but he can also be fairly melancholy and defeatist. 

Jack keeps reminding Janet to be strong and in control, which could be period typical sexism? But Jack seems so practiced and ready with the words of encouragement, and with Tim’s history with depression, I wonder if Janet has an inclination towards it as well. 

As the end approaches, when Jack brings up Tim, Janet seems to have a lot of regret. She talks about “wasting” the good things, and I don’t think it’s too big of a stretch to assume she’s talking about time spent with her only child. 

From this point on, Janet is at times spoken of, but not seen. Like here, when Jack says Janet wouldn’t approve of him and Tim being so “far apart.” He says this after he tells him he takes back his threat to send him back to boarding school, which might imply Janet was against the idea of boarding school? Though she obviously lost that argument when she was alive. 

Jack will of course renege on this later, but that’s Jack Drake for you. 

Or here in Tim’s illness induced dream, where he gets everything he wants. Though, since this is a fantasy of Tim’s, where his father and girlfriend are both more accepting and understanding than they are in real life, I would take this depiction of Janet with a grain of salt. 

After loosing Drake Industries, Jack thinks about Janet (though, they call her Catherine/Cathy for some fucking reason) during his depressive episode. And... uh... 

Hallucinates a Valkyrie???? Is this symbolic of suicidal thoughts, or is she... real? Or is he seriously hallucinating? 

Anyway, we’re not here to discuss Jack’s mental state, the fact that he forgot Tim’s birthday, or that concerning “I was going to knock some sense into you but you’re still bigger than me” statement from Tim, we’re here to talk about Janet. And even though this entire arc is about Jack mourning his first wife, they don’t SAY anything about Janet herself at all. I mean, they don’t even get her name right, so I guess what was I expecting. 

Then there’s Origins and Omens, which also doesn’t say anything about Janet, except that Tim’s memory of her is faulty - Janet was poisoned, her assistant Jeremy’s throat was slit on television, but Tim seems to have conflated the death he did see with the death he didn’t. 

The only piece of canon to suggest that Janet might be cold, is Tim compares her to Thalia. And even then, he’s really just saying Janet was protective of him. It’s kind of a scary look to make at your kid, but Bruce does the same thing, so. 

I do want to say... it’s not 100% clear if Tim is even talking about Janet. He could be talking about Dana. Dana was observably protective of Tim, though I don’t think he’s ever called her mom. He PROBABLY means Janet. 

And finally we have Tim visiting his mother’s grave (in a duel Christian/Jewish cemetery, make of that what you will), where Tim says she was “a little religious.”

And that’s it! That is all we know about Janet Drake in New Earth. Hardly the Mom From Hell, but she isn’t perfect. I’d be interested in seeing some alternate depictions of her within the fandom. 

I’m still gonna eat up Terrible Parents From Hell like a starving puppy dog, though. Just some food for creative thought. 

[yamag00ps]

safekeeping

pairing: akaashi x reader

genre: friends to lovers, love triangle

contains: fluff

word count: 1.1k

summary:  bokuto and akaashi talk about you on the car ride home.

note: here is part 2 of first names! I decided to continue. enjoy :-)

part 1, part 3, part 4

The rest of the car ride consisted of you speaking a majority of the time while the other two listened, though you just assumed it was due to the long day of shopping. As the car stopped in front of your apartment, you reached over your seat to hug Bokuto goodbye and ruffled a hand in his hair. You and Akaashi stepped out of the car as you gathered your shopping bags.

“Do you need any help?” Akaashi asked.

“Nah they’re actually really light, but thank you!” You hugged him too. Akaashi took his seat and shut the door as Bokuto rolled down Akaashi’s window.

“Bye Bo!” Bokuto smiled at the nickname you gave him.

“Bye Keiji,” your gaze lingered a second longer on Akaashi as you put a knuckle out, waiting for him to return the punch. It was your subtle, yet innocent way of acknowledging the newfound closeness between the two of you.

Akaashi slightly winced at his first name, choosing not to look at Bokuto’s expression this time. The two of them waved as they waited for you to get into the building before driving off.

Thankfully, Bokuto spoke up before an awkward silence could take over. Bokuto has always been very open about his emotions, which Akaashi was particularly thankful for at this moment.

“So… Keiji, huh?”

“Yeah, about that.” Akaashi was ready to tell his best friend everything until Bokuto continued talking.

“I’m not gonna lie, it felt like a slap in the face,” he nervously laughed, “It came out of nowhere! I don’t even call you that!” Bokuto’s seemingly lighthearted demeanor put Akaashi on edge because for once, he couldn’t tell if it was a front or not. But Akaashi genuinely chuckled anyway, remembering how it began in the first place. All he had to do was be honest.

“It started out as a joke. We were arguing —well, she was arguing— about whether or not the chicken or the egg came fir—“

“The chicken.” Bokuto stated matter-of-factly. Akaashi laughed at this.

“..Yup. She made that very clear.”

“The theory of evolution, right?” Bokuto grinned at this memory while Akaashi’s smile faltered.

Oh.  

“Uh, yeah,” a nervous chuckle escaped Akaashi’s lips. It was his turn to feel a slap in the face.

Bokuto didn’t mean to hurt Akaashi by revealing that he already had a similar conversation with you. And it shouldn’t be that surprising, Bokuto knew you first.

So, why did Akaashi feel a bit hollow all of a sudden? It was a feeling similar to growing attached to a stray puppy, only to find out that its owners were looking for it. Or also kind of like when someone sends you a Spotify playlist titled, “for you” only to find that it already has 7 followers. Whatever it was, it was unpleasant.

He also couldn’t settle on an emotion. Was he sad? Jealous? Did he somehow feel played, even though he’s sure that wasn’t your intention? If Bokuto noticed the change in his expression, he didn’t acknowledge it.

“We learned about that in our bio class last year. The chicken or egg debate got her pretty heated and for some reason, I found that so attractive,” Bokuto shook his head and laughed. “I then learned that she wasn’t even a science major! That was probably the best part.”

This memory was enough to convert Bokuto back to his normal self, temporarily forgetting about the use of first names. Akaashi, on the other hand, felt the tension thicken internally.

He stayed silent, only politely chuckling here and there, wanting nothing more than for Bokuto to stop elaborating on his feelings for you.

“I don’t think I ever told you, but she used to scare me! She was so smart— is so smart. And, don’t get me wrong, she’s beautiful, but after hearing the way she spoke? That’s what really got me, dude.” He shook his head in disbelief at how smitten he was. “I was actually annoyed that the professor made us change the subject because I could’ve listened to her all day.”

At this point, Bokuto was too caught up in the memory of you to notice Akaashi’s discomfort. This was the most he has heard of his best friend’s feelings.  Before today, all he knew was that Bokuto had taken an interest in you and enjoyed your company. Yes, Bokuto talked about you occasionally, but Bokuto also had a lot of crushes, so Akaashi rarely took his friend’s pining seriously.

He continued, “You know, I think I’d pay to listen to her talk about the different species of.. I don’t know.. Grass.” Akaashi snickered at this. “I don’t know, I’ve never met anyone like her man.”

This time Akaashi sighed and responded honestly, “I can say the same. She’s funny.” Bokuto laughed and agreed.

Hearing Bokuto confess that all he wanted to do was listen to someone speak was new, seeing as he was usually the most talkative one in any room.

“Why haven’t you confessed to her?” Akaashi finally asked, not entirely sure if he wanted to know the answer. Bokuto thought about this for a bit. His best friend had a point, he normally had no issue going after whoever he took interest in.

Bokuto thought back to the memory of hearing you speak in class -- the way your voice refused to waver and the way you stood your ground over something so silly. He remembered you glancing at him, waiting for him to chime in like he normally would. Any other day, he would’ve joined the conversation, but for the first time, he found himself incapable of forming a coherent sentence.

“Because for the first time I’m actually scared to be rejected,” Bokuto admitted.

This sheer honesty only made Akaashi feel worse -- the two of them growing more fond of you by the minute. Relief washed through him as Bokuto answered a phone call, not giving Akaashi the chance to respond.

Well.. shit.

What was Akaashi supposed to tell him now? He didn’t even know if he, himself, genuinely liked you yet, did he? Though it wouldn't be that shocking if it turned out that he did, he decided he needed more time to sort through his own feelings. Maybe he simply felt comfortable with you and it was nothing more. Maybe.

He closed his eyes and ignored the sweet aftertaste of your first name lingering in his mouth, and the way that nothing has felt more natural than your hand in his. He shook the memory of his fingers tracing his name onto your back and the way you tried not to melt into his touch. He attempted to shut down the desire to hold you in any way you would let him and mentally discarded the image of you glowing in the sun the first time you used his given name. He especially tried to forget how he was so sure that whatever higher power designed the sun probably used you for reference.

Akaashi shoved all of this information far away into an imaginary filing cabinet in his head.

You know, just for safekeeping.

----------------------------------------

a/n: I decided to continue this! yay! I am planning on adding more, but I can't promise how soon I'll get to writing it. please be patient with me <3 (find me on ao3!) 

[barren-heart]

If you’re Jensen Ackles, Misha Collins, or Jared Padalecki.

STOP.

Read this post.

Dear J2M,

This is an open letter for you three written by a couple of unhappy passionate fans.

We write this to you because we know at least one of you has a secret Stan account and creeps on the destiel hashtag from time to time. Don’t lie. (Ahem. Misha Collins. Looking at you, Sir.)

With the subtle hints and possibility of a revival, us here at BarrenHeart (Bee and Jay) have some thoughts on what we think a reboot/continuation/revival would look like if it was done well.

Note: we don’t speak for the whole fandom(obviously). And we don’t even speak for all of the Cas/destiel fans. This is from our observation of the fandom after 15x18 and the finale, plus our own opinions.

Here are our demands suggestions for the potential revival.

--Castiel--

First things first. Castiel is brought back.

And by that, we mean he is either shown to be rescued from the empty, Jack rescues him from the empty, or by some other means, that man is not left there to suffer for all of eternity.

Castiel is a lead character.

Not a guest star, not “and Misha Collins.” No. Misha Collins gets to be in every d*mn episode. He is an equal lead alongside Dean and Sam. Which leads into the next point.

Castiel gets his own storyline.

It can be connected to Dean in some way, but he needs his own arc, y’all. Don't care what that is, but he IS his own character. So, some form of personal growth or whatever needs to happen. He is a badass and deserves a good storyline. Also…

Give this M-- F-- (mother father) his wings back!

Yes, he died without ever having his wings return to their full power. Like? We know he was nerfed so he wouldn't overpower Sam and Dean. Prove to us that he can be a fully powered badass and still work alongside Sam and Dean. No need to get rid of that.

Human!Cas does not mean pathetic Cas.

There is a divide on whether Castiel should stay an angel. Personally, we like human Cas. However, human Cas was shafted in the series. If you make him human in any way, shape, or form, he’s gonna still have to be a badass. Don’t whimp him!

He can be a good hunter/pretend FBI agent just like Sam and Dean!

So, make him one! Let him do more cases. On his own. With other people. With Sam. With Dean. He can fight without powers, too.

Give him love!

For the love of freaking Jack, let that man know he is loved by people. Not even mentioning anything romantic, he still needs platonic love y’all. Let Sam say it, let Jack say it. Let anyone in his family tell him that he is loved. Not once in this series did Cas hear that anyone loved him. So, fix it!

New style, anyone?

Cas needs other clothes! Please now. The black trenchcoat we never saw in-show? Boss. Cas in a black leather jacket? Coolness. Hunter plaid? Do it.

Confession Resolution

Speaking of love, come to some conclusion please about him and Dean. Give a resolution somehow, somewhere. We personally don’t really care how it’s done, but there needs to be something said here. You cannot just drop a confession there and just leave like it never happened. So, talk about it.

Adding this, I swear, if this is bros only, you WILL lose Cas fans. So, think about what you’re doing.

--Sam--

Sam is important!

Now, personally we have a soft spot for Sam. His character arc in Season 1-5 was great. Demon blood, powerful Sam was amazing. So, don’t sideline Sam. Seriously. We are gonna say in an unpopular way (as if this post isn’t already unpopular to some), but Sam got sidelined real hard in the last few seasons of the show. Now, was that what Jared wanted? Don’t know. But, Sam needs his own storyline too that isn’t just revolved around Dean. Figure it out.

Witch!Sam

Speaking of which, let this man be powerful. Sam is best when he has powers. Sorry but also not. He has been given all of Rowena’s (who is arguably the best witch around) spell books and decides to not really do much with it? No. He’s becoming a BAMF witch. Full-out, no word spells and shit. End point.

Sam in Charge

He’s not just a baby brother. He’s a grown man. Give him room to grow. Allow him to be a leader. Let him lead a group of hunters, witches, a whole team of people! He’s strong on his own, too. He's a big boy. Prove it.

He should fall in love.

Like, get married and all that. It’s a part of his arc, so keep it there. No blurry wife, my god! Personally it should be Eileen. She’s a badass. They also have a lot in common! Holy hell. They make a good team. So, keep that suggestion in mind.

Let him have the hero’s journey.

We want a good ending that shows growth for this character! He saw himself as a freak with powers, so…maybe he can use his powers now in a way that in empowering instead? Let him have an ending that doesn't just return to the beginning. Let him have gone through all of this changed for the better.

Don't be creepy.

Still keep the brotherly bond with Dean, but don’t make it weird, y’all. Don’t. Please.

Sam as a dad.

He can have a kid. But, Dean Jr? Eh. You might want to reconsider some other (Bobby) possibilities.

--Dean--

Now, with Dean, I wanna make this clear.

DO NOT K word THIS MAN.

This man here has dealt with unbelievable trauma, suicidal thoughts and even almost died by suicide in the show (okay, it was for another reason, but still!) He dies way too many times in this show. It’s not new anymore. Perhaps, when the show was newer, death might have been a bittersweet ending. But, now. It’s tarnished. It happened too much and the message of “carry on” got tainted to mean “there is only peace when you die.” That’s not okay.

Resolve his issues!

He has so much pain and trauma. Let him seek help. Let your audience know that it’s okay to process these emotions. Let him heal. He deserves it.

Dean’s internal struggles

This is piggybacking a little off of point two, but Dean has a lot of things he needs to figure out. We feel like his journey is more internal. While processing his trauma, he needs to learn that it's okay to be himself. This could include things about himself that he feels ashamed of or scared to admit. Things he may have repressed or suppressed over time. No more hiding who he is or brushing it off or making jokes. Be your true self, Dean. It's time.

Dean’s still important, of course

That said, Dean should still be integral to the overall narrative of the plot. Of course he's gonna go head to head with the Big Bad of the season/limited series, but he really should focus on what's inside first before he can take this monster down.

The Bro bond

No more dependent/unhealthy bond with Sam. Of course they are family and brothers, and will always be close. That's perfectly fine. However, its important to note that Dean was Sam’s mom/Dad most of his whole life. And, well, that never came to a resolution. Please let Dean resolve this issue. Sam is grown and older now, and even though Dean will always feel protective of him as his Big brother, Dean shouldn't feel like his life only revolves around taking care of Sam. There is more to Dean and his life.

Dean is complex

Also, Dean is not only about cars, burgers, and pie. It's like some of the writers forgot this. There are so many things/interests of Dean’s that are really cool and add to the complexity of his character. Keep those things.

He needs to resolve his issue with Jack.

He never said sorry to the kid. Not once after telling Sam that Jack wasn't family. He needs to tell Jack he is loved.

Speaking of which, Dean needs to tell Cas he loves him.

Okay. Who knows if you will make destiel reciprocal at this point.

Do we think Dean would have reciprocated based on context clues and what we have seen in the show? Yes.

Do we think this love is romantic? Yes.

Do we think you'll actually fully make it canon in a reboot/continuation? Eh.

Regardless, Dean loves Cas, so make it known.

Other demands considerations.

‘The found family’ needs to not be forgotten.

All the friends that were made along the way need to be included. What happened with Garth was great, actually. Do more of that. And by that, we mean include Jody and Donna. What are the girls doing now? Wayward sisters anyone? Bring Kevin back. Don't leave him to roam the earth all along like that. Either make him human again like Eileen or send him to rest in Heaven.

Where’s Eileen?

Hello??? Where? Tell us she made it back.

Claire

No idea if you can get Kathryn Newton back, but it would be cool at least for one episode. Please. Kaia? Resolve her storyline.

Also, Charlie.

Wtf happened? That was not resolved. We love Felicia Day. Charlie’s friendship with Dean is amazing. She deserves a few episodes.

Crowley!

Seriously. What happened to Mark was super disappointing. You gotta bring him back. His death wasn't great. Bring him back and give him his damn line already!

Jack!

I'm not fully on the Baby!Jack train, but he does deserve a normal life. He's three years old technically. He had no normal life whatsoever. He deserves that. So, give him that.

More Rowena please!

That's it. She's awesome.

Have a wedding.

No, really. Someone's gotta get married. Our pick: Sam and Eileen. Charlie is also a good contender for having a wedding with her partner, too. So there. Weddings are happy. We want a happy ending.

I will reiterate. Team free will lives. That's it.

Okay. Now, moving on to the next part of this. The elephant in the room. The thing a lot of us actually want from this, but frankly, we aren't sure if you'll do it.

Explicit Destiel.

If you've read this far J2M, then you're probably wondering when this was going to be addressed. So, here are the stipulations on destiel.

Go big or go home.

Yep. We said it. Make it explicit, full out, no ambiguity.

Honestly, you might be thinking what you could do to make it explicitly canon? Well, since there were tons of people who still think Cas’ love confession was just a platonic exchange between two bros (like wtf? How?), you're gonna have to spell it out for people.

But, some things that we may perceive as romantic, some people may not.

--Like, holding hands could be considered platonic between two men to some people.

--Cheek kissing could also be considered platonic to some people.

Not to say we need Jensen and Misha doing full on *** scenes to prove anything, but something more than a hand hold. Okay? Okay.

What we’re saying is basically, you're gonna have to kiss. On the lips. Yep.

So...I guess you'll have to figure out how you want to do that.

On when to make it canon:

You can decide if it makes sense to make it canon towards the beginning or towards the end. Honestly, there could be an argument for either. If it's made canon earlier, you could prove there can be a relationship alongside the main storyline. If you wait until the end, you'll leave fans wondering if you'll actually do it. But, the kiss being the major event of the finale could be worth it. Whichever you do, remember there are upsides and downsides to both.

Other other considerations:

Just realize who your fanbase is now. We’ve grown and changed. Like Becky, your fans have gone through a huge change in what they want from the show. Is the fandom all on the same page? Nope. Will they ever be? No.

You will not please everyone. That's a given. But, a lot of fans want to see the show wrap up in a better way than what we got. Destiel fans aside, the finale was not great overall. There are plenty of negative finale reviews that have nothing to do with destiel.

On top of that, society is changing. Slowly. The attitudes in regards to lgbtq media is quite different than before. You have the chance to make history. Really. If you make this canon, that will be a part of your legacy. You'll hit the news. I mean, 15x18 wasn't even the finale and it trended #1 that day.

We suggest that if you do decide to make it canon, it’s meaningful and you take the time to do it right.

So, consider your fans. Consider the part of the fandom that trended your show over the election. Consider the fans that trended a fictional wedding on Valentine's Day. Consider Misha/Cas fans who felt slighted. Consider your LGBTQA + fans. Just, think about what the reboot could achieve. What it could mean to a lot of people.

As always, we just want happiness and peace when we are done.

Thanks for reading Misha J2M.

Sincerely,

Bee 🐝 and Jay 🐦

[firelordzukohere]

Interior Décor

Hello!

When I made this 4 chapters, I initially thought: “Oh 4 weeks? That’s a long time!”

Why didn’t anyone tell me it wasn’t that long!?! I feel like I just started this and I’m already sad it’s over! Please let me know if you want an epilogue or even some cute little one shots. I already have one in my head but I want to know if anyone would even be interested in it. Please let me know!

Finally,

Thank you everyone who read, re-blogged, liked, commented, or messaged me about this story. I haven’t posted a Zuko fanfiction since I was probably 15 years old and the support I received then wasn’t half as much as I have now. You guys are amazing and wonderful and every single notification I got made me smile brightly. I’d seriously get people asking me why I’m smiling at my phone so much. I’m so grateful to each and every one of you for everything, from my whole heart. Thank you so much. 

Please enjoy the last chapter of Interior Décor! I truly, truly hope you like it!

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Zuko X Fem!Reader

Warnings: Fluff, Slight Aangst(heh), and some implications

Word Count: 5k

Summary: Iroh felt it was time for the Palace to reflect the time of Peace and Love that Zuko promised five years earlier at his coronation. He takes it upon himself to hire an interior decorator to help his nephew out and work together. What he didn’t expect was for Zuko to possibly find his own peace and love in the process.

Chapter 3: Jacquard >> Chapter 4: Trompe l’oeil >> Epilogue

The next morning, (Y/N) woke up to a chasm in her chest the size of the Earth Kingdom. It was as if several Earthbenders decided to practice their bending inside of her and leave a massive chunk missing from within. She already yearned to see Zuko again.

Burying her face further into her pillow she moaned. Why did they have to get along so well? Why couldn't she have just worked with Iroh the whole time instead of the Fire Lord? Didn't he have people who were supposed to handle the menial stuff like her, instead of himself? She never considered the fact that all the advisors that would come up to him throughout the couple of weeks wouldn't really stay around much. They always seemed busy doing other things, leaving the Fire Lord to his own devices. Leaving him to spend his days with her, laughing, talking, comfortable silences, and dancing.

She remembered how it felt being led around the floor by him. The moment was so intimate, so right, and she wanted to dance with him all over again. It was like a cloud carried her around, a warm, attractive cloud.

Another groan escaped her lips before she pulled herself out of bed to go and make some tea. Her aunt was already outside meditating for the morning, so she had to be silent as she set the pot on its stand and bent some fire to warm it up.

The silence was disturbed when there were three knocks on their front door. Her aunt looked over at her, brows furrowed in confusion at who could be here this early in the morning.

(Y/N) walked toward the door and slid it open to reveal a courier holding a large package wrapped in intricate silk.

"(Y/N)?" He asked, and she nodded in confirmation. The man shoved the package into her hand before rushing back to his ostrich horse and riding away. She stared at him dumbfounded for a moment and then balanced the package in one hand, shutting the door with the other.

"Ooh! A gift! From the Fire Lord?" Her aunt gushed walking up behind her to examine the beautiful box. (Y/N)'s face burned before she moved to the counter to unwrap the present. She wasn't sure if she hoped it was from him or not. If it was, that meant her aunt could possibly spread more rumors about her having an affair with the Fire Lord, but if it wasn't she was sure there would be a twinge of sadness that this random encounter wasn't from him.

As she removed the silk, opened the box and lifted what was inside, she gasped. It was a beautiful dress, very obviously Fire Nation red, but golden lace lined the halter neckline, and the bodice was covered in red roses with green leafs. The skirt was massive as she continued to pull it from the box. Once the item was fully out she couldn't help but admire the beauty.

However, she was slightly annoyed. This must have cost him at least a hundred gold pieces. She knew she had told him that her wardrobe did not consist of a dress that would be acceptable for the celebration, but that didn't mean he had to go out and buy her a new one!

"Oooh look! There's sleeves!" Her aunt said next to her pulling out sleeves that were the same gold to match the neckline. "And a note!" She handed (Y/N) the note and looked at her intensely to see who it was from.

(Y/N),

You said you didn't have a gown and that's the reason you wouldn't come tonight. I had my tailors work over time to make you this because I cannot imagine spending this evening celebrating you, without you there. I will not make a big fuss about you, so you can slip in silently and leave whenever you feel, but please come, at least to see how amazed everyone is going to be at the site of your hard work. Please come, for me.

I truly hope to see you tonight.

Zuko

P.S. I know you're probably worried about my tailors, they were not overworked and have been overly compensated for their duties.  

(Y/N)'s face was as red as the gown as her aunt ripped the note from her hands to read it. With a gasp she looked up at her niece and grinned furiously.

"Exactly how close did you get with the Fire Lord during this time? You implied he was in meetings most of your work days." Her tone pointed and (Y/N) frowned. "Dear, this note isn't just a client 'Thank you' this appears to be a subtle declaration."

Grunting angrily, (Y/N) shoved the dress back into the box and snatched the note and the sleeves from her aunt, forcing them inside as well.

"It doesn't matter, I'm not going tonight anyway. It's highly unprofessional of me to go to this party especially in a dress the Fire Lord had specifically made for me," she grumbled. "I'll just return the garment tomorrow and explain to him how offensive it is for him to expect to buy my attendance to the celebration." Her voice a low hiss as she pushed passed her aunt and into her bedroom, sliding the door shut angrily.

Sitting on the bed, she stared down at the box in her hands. She wasn't exactly angry at Zuko's gift, but she was angry that now she was put in this position. If she went, her aunt would spread all over town that she and the Fire Lord had more than a professional relationship and if she didn't she would waste the tailors' hard work and possibly hurt Zuko.

Who cares what anyone else thinks?

His words rang in her mind as she stared at the golden lace. She honestly only cared what he thought and the fact that he wanted her to go tonight really resonated through her.

Please come, for me.

With a sigh, she placed the box down beside her and dropped her face into the palms of her hands. The internal battle she was dealing with was ripping her apart.

It was easier said than done to ignore what people thought and said about her. If she went tonight, the entire nation's eyes could possibly be watching, scrutinizing her and the Fire Lord.

What was she supposed to do?

Zuko's voice filled her mind once again, "We're supposed to do whatever makes us happy." Why was he always right? He was obviously learning from the notoriously wise Iroh and now passing that wisdom to her.

There was a knock on her door causing her to lift her face from her hands.

"Come in," she mumbled and watched as the door slid to the side and revealed her aunt holding a cup of the tea she had forgotten was brewing.

Sitting down beside her niece, her aunt handed her the cup and then sighed, the deep sound filling the tension stagnant room. While (Y/N) always had a great relationship with her aunt, a strain had formed when her aunt had spread the rumor about her and her first client. She wasn't sure if her aunt ever realized that their bond had weakened slightly, but she tried her best to act as if nothing was wrong.

"I know you know this," her aunt started, "but sometimes I struggle with keeping to myself. I've been alone for a long time. Your uncle died young, your mother and father shut me out after, insisting that I needed to find a new husband or I'd bring shame to the family, and my parents were never really around after your mother and I were married off. Any chance I can, to form a friendship, I take, even if it means hurting the people I love dearly in the process." The older woman frowned as she pat (Y/N)'s knee gently, "I've hurt you with my gossip, and I realize that. I was so excited for your new business and when I thought your first client could also potentially be someone to share your life with, I was happy for you..." trailing off, she couldn't help but sigh again, "but I didn't expect people to take what I had said and turn it into something to harm you. I didn't understand why these women began saying you were a homewrecker when it was common knowledge his wife had already left him. Instead of shutting those rumors down though, I made them worse, and in all honesty, it didn't stop me from creating new ones either."

(Y/N) felt the tears sting the corner of her eyes, begging to be freed from her, to relieve and soothe the pain she was enduring at the memories. They wanted to wash away the sadness. She loved her aunt, but the woman definitely caused a lot of hurt in her life. Even now, as she really did find herself fond of the Fire Lord, she couldn't help but hold back due to the idea that her aunt could spread rumors that would hurt her again. Instead of allowing her pain to show, she gulped down the tea, hoping that it would ease up some of the tension in her body. Once she finished she rested the cup on the bed and stared at her hands, waiting for her aunt to finish whatever she wanted to say.

"I hurt you when I accused you of having anything but a professional relationship with the Fire Lord. I know you're a strong woman who has had to battle many hardships in her life, especially when it comes to love and happiness, and I know I didn't make any of that easier on you even though I was supposed to. For that, I am genuinely sorry." Turning to the box next to her, she lifted the note out and handed it to (Y/N), "I think you should go." The woman whispered and (Y/N)'s head shot up to stare at her aunt. "He clearly cares for you, it's written in this note without even saying it outright. You've been even happier than normal these last couple of weeks whenever you wake up to go see him and when you come home after spending the day with him. I haven't seen that look since you first started your business and you shined at the opportunity to do something you loved. (Y/N) don't let this opportunity of love slip away, even if there is a risk of what people might say. Let them talk about you. As long as you're happy and you've got what you want, let them boil in their own gossip and rumors."

The sob escaped, and (Y/N) shoved her face into her aunt's neck, wrapping her arms around the older woman. Letting her niece cry it out, (Y/N)'s aunt rubbed her back reassuringly and held her tight.

"Thank you," (Y/N) whispered causing her aunt to smile and caress her hair as she pulled back.

"I love you, my dear," the woman smiled, and stood up quickly. "Now, we've got until sunset to get you dolled up and ready for this celebration. When you walk into that room, no one will be able to keep their eyes off of you, especially not that Fire Lord." Her aunt winked before pulling her up and dragging her out of the house toward the shopping district.

Just after sunset, (Y/N) was standing inside her house, dressed in her gown, with her hair curled and flowing around her face, only a small portion was pulled back into a proper bun with golden leaves pinned around it in a circle. She had gotten her makeup done, with golden and maroon hues to accent her dress, and simple gold sandals hidden underneath the dress for easy walking and dancing.

"You look like the queen of the Fire Nation," her aunt gushed as she finished tying the back of her dress. "The poor Fire Lord won't know what hit him when you arrive," she swooned as she came back around to give her niece a final once over. "The party has most likely already begun, so I suggest you get into the carriage now. It's better to arrive fashionably late where everyone will be able to get a good look at you in your grand entrance," she teased.

(Y/N) hugged her aunt and thanked her for everything. She was grateful the woman had talked her into attending the celebration and helped her prepare for it. Their embrace, though only lasting a few moments, seemed to help repair the crack that had been formed for years. When they released, (Y/N) smiled and made her way outside to the carriage they had requested for the evening. A palanquin would have been too expensive, but a carriage was nice, especially since it wasn't too breezy outside to ruin her hair.

After one final wave to her aunt, she was on her way to the Palace, both nervous and excited to see the Fire Lord again.

His eyes darted around, wondering if he'd be able to catch a look at a familiar face with beautiful (Y/E/C) eyes and long (Y/H/C) hair. While he knew that she didn't have to come, he had hoped he had possibly convinced her to with his gift and his note. Though he wanted to spew out in the letter that he didn't want another day to go by without seeing her face, he had to instead be smart about it, in case she didn't return the feelings that swelled within him.

Smiles and hopeful eyes surrounded him as he made his way through the brand new ballroom, filled with diplomats and various other important people that didn't really feel very important to him. Several women had already come up telling him he owed them a dance or two, to which he merely smiled and noncommittally nodded. There was only one person he wanted to dance with tonight and if she wasn't going to be there, he wouldn't step a foot onto that floor without her.

"Ah! Fire Lord Zuko!" A Fire Sage stepped into his path with a bow. "I've been meaning to introduce you to my daughter, Tora," the man gestured to the young woman beside him dressed in a long golden dress with her hair pulled into a tall ponytail. "She's been talking nonstop about this party and the ability to finally dance within the Fire Nation Palace." The Sage chuckled and shoved his daughter toward Zuko.

"It's an honor to meet you Tora," Zuko said, bowing with respect, watching as she flushed but not returning the motion. She giggled and rested her hand on his bicep, squeezing slightly.

"It's my honor, Fire Lord, my father has spoken nothing but good words about you since getting the opportunity to work with you after you took over from your father, shame he didn't turn out to be the man everyone thought he would be." Zuko tensed slightly. No, he turned out to be everything everyone wanted him to be, because the Fire Nation blindly followed his father due to the previous ideals his grandfather and great grandfather had set in their time.

"Yes," Zuko said, already losing interest in the conversation at her words, "it's quite a shame…" he mumbled, looking around to see if anyone could spare him. That's when he spotted a familiar face. "If you'll excuse me, I need to go check on the food for this evening," he rushed away, pulling his arm from her grasp in the process.

Striding up to his hero, Zuko pat his uncle on the back with a grateful smile. Iroh turned to look at him, his face full of roast duck that was being served on a stick.

"Nephew!" Iroh mumbled with his mouth packed, "this party is wonderful! The ballroom is beautiful." Zuko nodded his head, looking around at the glow of the lights from the chandeliers and the ornate imagery of dragons and fire painted into the ceiling. "Speaking of beauty, where is the wonderful creature behind this room? I assumed she'd be here to celebrate with you." The older man said with a wink. Zuko's face flushed for a moment before he took a piece of duck off of Iroh's skewer and shoved it into his own mouth, taking a second to come up with a proper reply to his uncle's very loaded question.

"I've invited her, but she implied that she didn't really like the idea of celebrating herself, she felt it unprofessional," his voice thick with sadness as he thought about her not wanting to be around him. Iroh patted his nephew's face and smiled.

"Don't count your losses yet," he said reassuringly, "she could still come." Zuko nodded his head, hopeful but still disappointed.

He wasn't sure how it happened so quickly. It felt like he went from loathing the idea of someone spending several weeks in his house, going over everything wrong with it, to counting the time until he'd be able to see her again after she had just left for the day. Their bond formed so quickly it didn't seem to be something solid for him to consider, but no matter how hard he tried to banish it from his mind, she just walked right back into his head, perfection and all, telling him that it wasn't that easy to get rid of her. He loved how strong she was but also that she cared so much about him and even his uncle in the small time they knew each other. She was fiery and passionate about her job and he wondered if that would translate the same into a relationship as well… a relationship with a certain head of the Fire Nation.

However, he was worried that he'd never be able to see her again. What if she didn't come tonight? He'd be stuck wondering what would have happened if she had. Would he admit to her his feelings? Would she have returned them? Would they have danced together? Kissed?

Zuko let out a deep sigh and removed himself from his head, turning his attention back on his uncle who seemed to be examining the table of food for something else to enjoy. Shaking his head with an amused grin, Zuko grabbed a slice of ash banana bread and popped it into his mouth, enjoying the warm, sweet taste.

"Sir," his advisor Shuro appeared next to him, "the council would like for you to have a quick word with them in the chambers, it appears there are some rumors of an attack on the Earth Kingdom by Fire Nation rebels," he whispered. Zuko groaned and nodded his head, gesturing for his advisor to lead the way, also grabbing Iroh by the arm and pulling him along.

He wanted this to be a no work event, where he could enjoy himself, his people could enjoy themselves and maybe, just maybe, he could spend the evening with someone he cared about.

As (Y/N) entered the ballroom, she couldn't help but notice several eyes land on her. Scrutinizing  faces from several women and lots of whispering began as she strode into the room, looking around for the Fire Lord himself. She knew she could spot him in a crowd of thousands, so when she didn't see him, she had to assume he wasn't there. Frowning, she made her way quickly to the food table to find something to distract her from the ache in her chest at the fact that he was most likely busy with someone else, whether that be a possible courtship or someone from the council. She picked up a single tea sandwich and nibbled on it, looking around the grand room at all the people. Some were dancing, which made her smile, others were swaying while they talked, a few were laughing and drinking heavily. It was a wonderful atmosphere filled with merriment and joy, something the Fire Nation had been without for the last one hundred years, of their own accord, of course.

Women were dressed in beautiful gowns some Fire Nation colored, others from various Nations like the Earth Kingdom and Water Tribes, some even differing from the cultures and made up of glorious silks that were every color imaginable. She was definitely grateful for Zuko providing her with the dress, because anything she had remotely close to acceptable would have paled dramatically in comparison.

Munching on her sandwich, she watched as a man strode toward her with a smooth smile on his face. Her heart dropped knowing that this wasn't going to be good, he looked ready to hunt and she didn't feel like being the prey today.

"What's a beautiful woman like you doing over here by yourself?" He asked, flipping his head to the side and flashing a toothy smile at her. Internally groaning, she returned a curve of her lips that didn't quite reach her eyes.

"I'm waiting for someone," she said politely.

"Obviously he's a fool for leaving you alone," the man sidled up to her, reaching behind her to grab a fig and attempting to seductively eat it while staring her in the eye. She let out an unamused giggle, it sounded more like a sigh than a laugh, and shook her head.

"He's just a busy man," she amended, but it didn't help. After finishing his fig, he grabbed her hand and pulled her toward him.

"Let's dance while you wait for him, though I'm not classically trained, I can hold my own," his grip on her fingers was tense but she managed to rip herself from his grasp and frown.

"I'll pass thank you," she replied harshly. Before he could say another word, she stormed away, attempting to look for any relief in sight. That's when she saw an escape and ducked for it, hoping no one noticed as she slipped down the stairs and out into the beautiful garden. The turtle ducks quacked happily in the glow of the moonlight that now lit up the whole garden.

She let out a breath she had apparently been holding in since her departure from the creepy man, and leaned against the large tree in relief. Tonight was not exactly going how she planned. While it may have been her imagination, she wanted to walk into the room, have everyone stop to look at her in awe, and then watch as the Fire Lord shoved his way through the crowed to pull her toward him in front of everyone and kiss her deeply.

Instead she had been scoffed at, hidden in a corner hoping that maybe she could find some peace in food, only to be rudely manhandled by some obviously drunken man who didn't understand she wasn't interested in him. She felt like a fool for thinking that tonight would be magical, like those tales her mother used to read to her when she was young.

Zuko was too busy for her, she should have expected that. He was the Fire Lord for crying out loud, why did she think he would drop everything for her? Maybe it was because he had during the redecoration… or maybe it's because she hoped that his feelings for her were somehow as strong as hers for him.

Again, she was just a fool though, thinking that the Lord of the Fire Nation would actually see anything in her other than a decorator. That's what she had wanted wasn't it? A professional relationship that didn't come with the backlash of rumors and heartache? Why did she feel so empty though at that thought? Why is it, instead of picturing Zuko as her client, she only saw him as her friend, and even potentially more? Why did she even come here tonight?

Zuko was finally free from his meeting, grateful they had found a solution for the possible Earth Kingdom attack. Now he was able to enjoy the night and freely walk around and mingle.

With his gaze once again darting around the room in hopes of seeing her, he realized he was disappointed that she seemed nowhere to be found. At the sight of the Fire Lord back within the party, several women rushed forward, begging him for their dance now. Zuko cringed outwardly and held up his hands assuring the women that he wasn't really the dancing type. He insisted that he needed a bit of air and politely circled around them to escape their yearning eyes.

The Fire Lord made his way to the garden, silently going down the steps, hoping no one had spotted him in his departure. He froze though, when his eyes landed on a familiar figure crouched down next to the pond, petting the turtle ducks with her finger.

"You came…" he breathed out relieved as he walked toward her. Her head turned to look at him and her face lit up. Standing tall, she watched as he strode up next to her, his face bright with a smile. "You…" he paused as his gaze finally examined her. "You look… good," he said awkwardly and then slammed his palm to his face, causing her to giggle.

"Thank you, it's a Fire Nation original," she teased, attempting to let him know she wasn't offended by his lack of words. "You look really nice too, but of course you always do in Fire Nation colors." His face burned at her compliment. Turning toward the party that still went on in the ballroom she smiled, "you sure know how to throw a party, Fire Lord Zuko, everyone really seems to be enjoying themselves."

"Are you?" He asked, curious as she was out here by herself. She looked back to him and nodded her head with the corner of her mouth turned up slightly.

"Yes, I just can't seem to keep myself away from this garden and these little darlings," the woman said, gesturing to the turtle ducks. "Have you gotten some time to relax and have a little fun?"

"Not really, but that's okay, I have a new bedroom I can use to unwind and relax in at night," he winked, finally gaining a bit of confidence to flirt with her. Another laugh escaped her and Zuko's heart swelled at the sound. "(Y/N), I'm really glad you came tonight. All day I dreaded the idea of having this party and not enjoying it with you." At his words, she blushed. "I also don't enjoy the fact that I won't be seeing you everyday anymore and I want to find a way to remedy that." Letting out a harsh laugh, (Y/N) shook her head.

"Trust me Fire Lord Zuko, you won't even remember me after a couple of weeks." Her insecurities rearing their evil head, attempting to shut down the fluttering in her chest.

"No, I'll remember you," he said, stepping toward her. Her eyes met his and he could see the fear within them. "I'd rather not risk that though and just see you as often as I can." His voice was low and husky.

"What would you have me do? Decorate something else? We did most of the Palace, everything I didn't touch was already perfectly fine."

"The Palace is perfect now, thanks to you, but I was thinking you might want to come and see me, not my Ballroom or my Throne room," he teased with a smirk, resting his hand on her cheek. "Maybe we could have lunches and dinners together, or take a trip somewhere, I'd like you to meet my friends and get to know them because I think they'd love you," he paused and took a deep breath, "like I'm beginning to." She sucked in a breath at his declaration. "I'd like the opportunity to spend every spare minute I have with you and laugh with you. I love your laugh so much (Y/N) it makes my entire day. I play it through my head all throughout my meetings, trying to remind myself of it until the next time I get to hear it," obviously a giggle escaped her lips at the sentiment causing a goofy smile to appear on the Fire Lord's face.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" She asked, sounding fearful, "I know we talked about it but what will people say when they see us together?" Shaking her head nervously she wasn't sure what to do, everything he said sounded wonderful but she didn't want him to make a mistake.

"I know what I want, I want what makes me happy, and that's you. Do I make you happy?" He asked, his voice determined.

"Yes more than anything." Her words left her lips in a whisper, "I couldn't believe I was falling in love with the Fire Lord until I woke up this morning and felt like someone had taken my heart out and left a hole in it, at the thought we wouldn't be together again."

Zuko grinned before moving his hand to take hers, and resting his other one on her waist. She smiled back at him, aware of what he was trying to do before placing her hand on his shoulder and allowing him to sway her around the grass. Their eyes never left each other's as they danced to the softened music behind them in the ballroom.

"I swore to myself that if I didn't get to dance with you tonight, I wasn't going to dance with anyone else," he replied with a chuckle, rubbing her back with his thumb as he guided her. "You're the only one I want to dance with… other than Aang, but that's a dragon thing," he joked and she laughed again.

He couldn't stop himself, at the sound of her laugh, he dipped his head forward and captured her lips with his, relieved when she reciprocated the action with fervor.

Their swaying stopped but their mouths didn't part as Zuko moved his hands to fully encase her hips and hers slid up to his neck where she pulled him closer, as if it were possible.

When they both separated for air, Zuko let out a smile, before pecking her on the lips once more with affection.

Standing on the platform with a bright grin on his face, Iroh watched as his nephew and (Y/N) returned to their dancing stance and swayed in contentment once more. He was grateful Zuko was finally able to enjoy himself and was happy that it was with someone as wonderful as she was. Behind him, Shuro popped up asking Iroh if he had seen the Fire Lord anywhere, Iroh shook his head and led the man away, ensuring that his nephew got some peace and love.

Master List

Tag List: @royahllty​ @mangoberry43​ @mrskeishasdead​ @taeeemin​ @blushbadger​ @shortmexicangirl​ @fire-lady-livi​ @jujugentle

[angelicmark]

pairing: soulmate!jaemin x soulmate!reader

genre: soulmate!au, ANGST, smut, fluff

warnings: CHARACTER DEATH, als (amyotrophic lateral sclerosis), LOTS OF ANGST, a shit ton of sadness, small suicide mention but no actual suicide, mention of suicide attempt, fingering, unprotected sex, small aftercare, did i mention it’s VERY SAD, read at your own risk.

wc: 8.5k

summary: your perfect soulmate, given to you from heaven itself. just to have it all ripped away from you. some things are less dazzling than they seem.

➣ apart of the narcissistic lovers series

↳ masterlist

[21:43]

you huff out a breath of air. it was cold outside, your body only softly shivering. closing your eyes, you feel your neck starting to burn. the spot right behind your ear. you raise a hand up, feeling the soft scar and cursing to yourself. it was your soulmate marking, and it was honestly starting to piss you off. supposedly you had already met your soulmate, the marking showing up the minute you do. but you still had no idea who it was. but everytime they felt an intense emotion, you could feel it right on the marking. it was red hot, meaning anger. you scoff, what the hell could your soulmate be angry about at this damn hour?

you walk forward in the building, trying to ignore the incessant burning that was almost suffocating you. you always tried to your best to turn off your emotions for the sake of your soulmate, but sometimes it was unavoidable. and you were starting to feel annoyed. where the hell was your fucking soulmate? you wanted to smack some sense into them, or tell them to cool it.

“you look pissed,” you hear a voice, and you whip your head in the direction of your best friend. his eyes were glowing under the light, causing you to take a deep breath and shut off your emotions again.

“sorry,” you mutter, “it’s just this dumb soulmate thing.” you stop, reaching the door to your dorm. “i wish i knew who it was, that’s all.”

hyuck’s eyes travel across your features for a minute, thinking thoughtfully before finally responding, “do you remember where you met them?”

“nope,” you pop the ‘p’ in the sentence, making him sulk, “i’m not even sure what they look like.”

“if i see someone with your marking, i’ll let you know,” he smiles brightly, making a salute gesture.

you chuckle under his bright stare, “thanks, hyuck.”

“anything for my average angel,” he ruffles your hair and you pout.

“shut up,” you swat his hand away. he laughs at that, watching you gleaming eyes. his expression was cute, and you can’t help the smile that graces your features. “it’s late, shouldn’t you be heading back?”

he shrugs his shoulders, “i missed you.”

you smile at him before pinching his cheek softly, “awww, i missed you too, hyuckie!”

he scoffs, shoving your arm away from him and stepping back out of reach as he walks away, “i’ll see you later, idiot.”

you chuckle as you walk into your dorm room finally, taking in the scent of familiarity. your room was silent and plain, the walls white and undecorated. you never found it in yourself to do anything about it, too consumed by studies. it was never a concern of yours, knowing that once you graduate you won’t have this room anymore. it wasn’t necessary.

plopping onto your bed, you easily fall into sleep. your marking finally easing as your eyes grow heavy, the thought of loving someone forever crosing your mind inevitably.

[08:37]

“y/n!”

“fucking hell, wake the hell up!”

“i’m going to knock your door down if you don’t-”

“what the fuck, hyuck?!” you shout, your mind hazy and sleep still in your eyes.

he grins from ear to ear, “i found him.”

you tilt your head sideways, brows furrowing in anger and confusion, “the fuck are you-”

“na jaemin,” he raises his head higher in confidence.

“what about him?” you raise a brow, “you’re roommates with him, right?”

“we’re also friends,” he rolls his eyes, “but yeah.”

“okay, so..” you sway a hand around, eagerly telling him to continue.

“he’s your soulmate.”

you choke on your spit, your eyes going wide as your blood runs cold, “the fuck?!” you pat your chest, and he laughs at your expense, “you can’t fucking say things like that, you idiot!”

“i’m not joking, though,” he pout, “i never exactly noticed it until before we went to bed last night. i’m not sure why, i guess because i never really look behind his ear,” he shrugs, “it’s weird to think about though, because the two of you aren’t really alike.” he looks you up and down before grinning again.

“don’t look at me like that, creep,” you scoff.

“i found your soulmate, where’s my ‘thank you’,” he pouts, shoulders sinking.

“uh huh,” you nod, “hyuck-”

“for once, i’m serious, y/n.”

he stares you down, his grin dropping and his eyes intensely searching yours. you’re about to speak, before closing your mouth again. was he serious? was he really fucking serious right now? panic rushes through your body, looking at him with wide eyes and looking absolutely terrified.

“hyuck!” you scream, punching him in the arm, “i fucking hate you!”

he furrows his brows, “what the hell?!”

“holy shit,” you breathe out, “i hate this.” you run your fingers through your hair, tugging only softly. the air was suddenly too much for you, your lungs threatening to close in on you.

“hey,” hyuck comes closer, “it’s alright. it’s not like you’re automatically dating or in love or anything.”

you look at him again, and his eyes are softer this time. your eyes well up, “this shit is fucking scary.”

“yeah,” he sighs, “sorry about that.”

you huff. this was how you learned who your soulmate was? how embarrassing is that. he’s your best friend’s roommate/friend. it was so sudden, like cold water being dumped on you early in the morning. you cross your arms, looking away from hyuck. you were searching for something else to say, but you stayed silent as he watched you closely.

“do you want to see him?” he asks.

do you? he was your soulmate. shouldn’t you want to? you froze as your eyes became unreadable to him. it was a simple question, but the action itself held intensity. it could be a start to a whole different side of your life you weren’t even sure you were ready for. but, would you ever be ready to meet him? probably not. it was now or never.

“does he want to meet me?” you shuffle, avoiding hyuck’s eyes as it comes out in a low mumble.

he chuckles a bit, “yeah, he does. he was practically jumping around when he found out.”

“does he know who i am?” you look at him this time, head tilted in curiosity.

“yeah,” hyuck shrugs, “why wouldn’t he? you’re my best friend. even if you never come over, he still knows about you.”

it was true. you never really did visit him. the only time you ever really saw jaemin was-

you gasp, raising a hand over your mouth, “i said hey to him that one time!”

hyuck looks at you like you’re stupid.

you roll your eyes, “i was dropping off your shirts that you left here, and he was passing by so i said ‘is that your roommate? hey roommate’.” you pout, realizing how stupid you sounded.

he laughs out loud, his head being thrown back, “seriously?” he looks at you, giggles escaping him, “you’re stupid.” he smiles at you.

you snarl, “whatever.”

“do you want to meet him?” he asks again, “quit avoiding the question.”

you sigh, “i should, right?”

“i would,” he shrugs casually.

you nod curtly, “okay.”

“okay..?”

you roll your eyes, “okay, i’ll meet him.”

his eyes brighten up as he fist bumps the air, “yes!” he grins and twirls around once before looking at you, “come on, idiot! let’s go!”

“i’m not dressed!” you wack his arm away that tries to reach for you.

he makes an ‘o’ with his mouth and nods, “get dressed then, i’ll wait in the car.”

you let out a long breath of air as he leaves.

how much different could jaemin be?

[9:48]

your nerves were on haywire. you felt like you were going to pass out, your breathing starting to labor. you were possibly so close to your soulmate. hyuck could notice your nervous energy, looking at you with worry as he hesitates on opening the door. you were standing outside of his apartment door, and he could tell you were internally fighting with your brain. it was worrying him to no ends.

“hey,” he spoke softly, his slightly high pitched voice soothing you, “it’s alright, you know.” he pauses, looking at the door before back at you, “we can do this another time-”

you huff, “no. i want to do this now.” your eyes were turning glossy, and it took you everything to simply look at him. he took note of the way your lip was trembling. “i’m just afraid.”

he pulls you in a tight embrace, “i know.” he shushes you as he feels your body start to sulk into him.

you pull away from him, you needed to face your fears. you were terrified of losing yourself in him. is that what happens when you find your soulmate? do you lose yourself? you want to believe that wasn’t the case, but loving someone can be so powerful that there is no doubt you will lose yourself at some point. loving someone takes energy. and you were scared you didn’t have enough of it to keep yourself alive.

hyuck slowly opens the door, letting himself in as you trail behind him. immediately, he lets out a dramatic groan, “i’m home, losers!”

you look at him with curious eyes, “wha-”

“haechan?” you hear a gruff voice, and it catches you by surprise. was this jaemin? his hair was ruffled, and it was only slightly curly like hyuck’s sort of looks in the mornings. he didn’t put much into his appearance, his sweatpants hanging lowly on his hips. you take in his looks, realizing just how pretty he actually looked in your eyes. it was almost overwhelming, “who’s this?” he points.

he looks at you, smiling softly, “her name is y/n.” you were confused. was this not jaemin?

“i’m jeno,” he holds his hand out, looking at you with respect glinting in his eyes. you nod back, it wasn’t. you softly take his hand and he shakes it twice before leaning away, “is this jaem’s soulmate?” well, he was blunt.

hyuck laughs as your eyes widen, “way to be subtle, dude,” he pats jeno on the back, “but yeah, she is.” the two boys look at you with bright smiles.

“she’s pretty,” jeno hums before starting to walk away, “good luck, he’s a bit hard to handle sometimes.” he waves you off.

you swallow, hard to handle? hyuck catches your gaze before rolling his eyes, “he’s being over dramatic, don’t worry.” he looks around before licking his lips and shouting, “jaemin! get your ass out here! miss soulmate is here!”

your face heats up, and you feel like you could die right then and there. did he have to be so crude? so direct? it was making you feel light headed, you only wished the ground would swallow you whole. you gulp as you hear footsteps that sound a bit scattered and a small bump and an ‘ouch’. you smile softly at the thought of your soulmate being clumsy.

“huh?” this voice is only slightly different, a bit more lighter but definitely deep. it sends shocks through your body, the thought of it belonging to your soulmate making your body start to shake. you were soon looking at a male with messy pink hair, his jeans clinging tightly to his legs. his shirt was crumbled and looked as if he had just thrown it on last minute. his eyes had a certain sparkle to them, and you were suddenly weak in the legs. and that’s when you see it. the marking. the marking that obviously belonged to the two of you.

“y/n,” he gestures, “meet jaemin.” hyuck smiles brightly.

you see as jaemin’s eyes travel over you, and when he flashes you his enthusiastic smile, you almost feel like toppling over on the ground. he was so beautiful, the prettiest man you had ever seen. you feel like you could smell him, too. his scent was strong from where you were standing, making you dizzy. he smelt like honey and vanilla. it was overwhelming your senses, and you were terrified.

he holds his hand out, “nice to finally meet you.” his voice. curse him and his voice. curse him for being your soulmate. you take his hand very reluctantly, and when you feel the way his soft hands feel in yours, you almost pass out again. he sees the way you start to tremble, and looks at you worriedly, “hey, woah, are you okay?” he goes to pull you closer to him, and you want to fight him and shove him back. but your body starts to fight against you. it felt like he had a magnetic pull on you. “y/n?”

then you start crying. your senses were so overwhelmed, your body starting to shake in his grasp. he gulps when he feels you try to shove him away, “i’m sorry!” you blurt out, eyes blurry and nose only slightly stuffed, “meeting my soulmate, i guess, has a weird effect on me.” you huff, wiping your tears as fast as they come.

jaemin nods in understanding, awkwardly looking at hyuck, “i get that. i was nervous to meet you, too.” it was silent for a really long minute after that as you tried to gain composure again. it was difficult, especially with him so close to you still.

“yeah,” you breathe, pouting slightly, “i’m sorry, i sort of ruined this all.”

he smiles at you, “not at all.” he was kind, taking your feelings into consideration, “if it’s too much, we can-”

“no!” you quickly say before you can even think. you look away for a minute in embarrassment before meeting his gleaming eyes again, “this is important to me.”

his expression goes soft, and he feels his heart start to tighten and his stomach start to turn. you were too precious for his own good. you were silently driving him insane, your scent and voice making him feel just as dizzy. he tried not to show it, though. afraid it would scare you off. he couldn’t risk scaring off the one thing he really had going for him.

“it’s important to me, too,” he says back, looking at you such intensity you weren’t sure you knew existed. it was all intense. the whole ordeal was intense. the air fell silent after that, and it felt like it was just the two of you in the whole entire world. you look around, trying to catch where the hell hyuck went. he wasn’t beside you anymore. it was just you, and jaemin. “here,” he hands a piece of paper when you gaze back at him, “it’s my number. you can call and text at anytime. you’re my soulmate, afterall.”

your chest hurts, and you feel like you’re losing your mind, “oh,” you take the paper silently, smiling at him softly, “thank you.” your voice was so quiet in the soft air, and it made him smile back twenty times brighter.

“anything for my soulmate.”

[13:02]

it took you four days to actually text him. and it took you two weeks to actually face him again since that day. you were moving incredibly slow, but he couldn’t blame you. you were so fickle, he was afraid of saying the wrong thing and chasing off his soulmate forever. your mind was always racing from one thing to another, and you had such an anxious demeanor. it was the opposite of his cool-headed one. he never really showed he was nervous, meanwhile you were always on the verge of tears at just the small sight of him. you weren’t sure why you were like this, or what was going on with you mentally. but you wanted to make this work. to hell with your anxiety.

you breathe out. it’s been two months since meeting jaemin, and the two of you were still only trying to get to know each other. it hasn’t been that long in your eyes, still going through the motions and trying to figure out if everything was real.

“you okay?” jaemin questions, his voice making your body start to spark.

you shift in your seat, “i know i sound like a broken record right now,” you swallow hard, “but i’m afraid.”

“tell me of what,” he was patient, his eyes not wavering. but yours were. they were all over the place.

“i..” you never truly said this out loud. you were even afraid of saying it aloud and making it come true. but he was your soulmate, you were supposed to trust him, right? “i’m afraid of loving you, in all honesty.” the room stayed silent as he waited for you to continue. he was so caring, it made you wonder if you already were starting to love him. “i can’t afford to lose myself in the process of loving you. it’s a scary thought. and even the possibility that you’ll run away because i can never set my mind straight, that scares me too. what if i love you, but you don’t love me back? what if this whole soulmate thing wasn’t made for me?” you look frustrated, eyebrows furrowed and gaze concentrated.

jaemin waited to see if you were done, and when you didn’t speak again, he responded. “i see we have the same mind, then.” he rests his head in his hand, “soulmates really do think alike, huh?” your eyes whipped in his direction as he looked at you softly, making your body start to melt and relax. “i’m not leaving. i know it doesn’t make much of a difference saying it, but i really don’t think you’ll be the only one loving their soulmate. i know i’ll love you. in time, i know i will. and that’s all i really have right now. i can’t predict the future but i know i’ll love you, and i know i’m going to be here.”

his eyes were intense, searching yours as if they held all the keys to everything he owned. as if they were the only way to his own sanity. you were once again overwhelmed, but it wasn’t in a bad way. you were starting to trust him. starting to ease into the idea of loving him, being with him as a soulmate. it was a warm thought.

“thank you,” your eyes tear up and he smiles at you, “a lot. really, thank you a lot.”

it was less tense after that. the air seemed to lighten day by day and you were really starting to grow really fond of him. jaemin was starting to open up your heart, and you were becoming less and less scared at the thought. you were willing to trust him with your heart when it came down to it.

[18:12]

seven months after meeting. neither of you have kissed, or shared more than a couple of nudges of touching. there was the occasional hand holding, but it was super rare. you were starting to notice the way jaemin would stare a little longer than normal. how he would try his best not to scare you away. it was all at your pace, and how you wanted it to be. but now, you wanted to kiss him. you wanted to feel what it was like to truly kiss and feel your soulmate up against you. was it as thrilling as everyone made it out to be? you hoped it was.

“jaemin,” you say his name, and he feels his ears start to burn from the way you say it with such grace. it was easily one of his favorite sounds.

“hm?” he hums back, yawning a bit as he sits beside you on the couch. it felt like you were oceans apart, the two of you not even close enough to graze your hands together. he sees the way you scoot closer to him. he feels his heart start to pick up pace, and suddenly he’s not tired anymore. “yeah? are you alright, y/n?”

you look at him, and for the first time in a really long fucking time, you weren’t nervous. you weren’t unsure, and you weren’t freaking out. and, for once, you were ready. completely ready to bare yourself to him. it wasn’t overwhelming, and you didn’t feel like you were suffocating. it was like living in the clouds. his scent came along your sense, and you almost visibly shuddered at the smell. he was always so sweet. you scoot even closer, your body so close to his the both of you can feel one another’s heat radiating off the other. jaemin shifts in his seat, but doesn’t make a move to get away from you. you take this as a sign of trust.

it all happened so fast, yet so slow. his lips were suddenly on yours, but at the same time it was such a long wait. the two of you were moving so in sync, your lips mushed together in a soft, passionate entangle. it wasn’t rough, wasn’t too much. there wasn’t a shit ton of tongue, and there wasn’t too many emotions. it was perfect in your eyes. it was slow enough to savor the feeling, and fast enough to ease your mind. your hands travel to his hair, and his go to your waist. it feels like heaven having him so close, feeling your soulmate’s emotions from the soft tingling behind your ear.

he pulls you slowly on top of him, so slowly as if he was afraid you were going to run away. but you weren’t. not in a million years. not after getting him so close for the first time ever. you were living in your own personal heaven. the world was starting to drift away from you, the only thing in your mind was jaemin, jaemin, jaemin. the way his hands would only softly rub against your sides, not ushering you to come closer unless at your own will. not initiating anything further or making you come out of the trance you were currently in. it was everything the two of you have done that lead to this very moment. the light touching, the occasional flirting, nothing ever being too much. nothing was ever too much with him. he did everything for you, with you. and you were extremely grateful for his patience. extremely grateful that he was your soulmate. the only man worthy of holding you together, but also keeping the smallest amount of distance just enough for you. it was all for you. everything he did, was for you.

when you part, out of breath, you’re both panting heavily and there’s a small string of saliva that connects between your lips and his. you rest your forehead on his, and he looks at you with shining eyes. you see an expression on him you were so used to, but this time it felt completely different. it felt different being so close to him. and it didn’t freak you out, or making you want to pull at your hair out of stress. your fingers stayed glued to his own hair, stroking and running them through his hair with ease. he enjoyed your touch and the feeling it gave him. you were his solace. his hands were on your waist, his thumbs moving and caressing you. it was silent, the air thickening.

neither of you spoke as you both leaned back in for another kiss. this one just as mind numbing as the last.

[20:20]

your eyes lock with his, and he’s moving so carefully like you’re made of glass. you were determined to make this the night you gave all of yourself to him. he never pressured you into anything, and you didn’t feel pressured in the slightest. none of this felt forced for the sake of the two of you being soulmates. it felt so natural, and you were expecting to find yourself scared. but you found nothing scratching at the surface of your brain as he sat on his heels, eyeing you with adoration. nothing but pure, unadulterated adoration.

“are you sure, love?” he asks. and it’s such a sweet nickname he had developed within the last few months. it was one year since meeting him, and every last second the two of you spent together, was always just as safe and loving as the next. you were truly starting to understand the concept of love, and why you were made just for him, and him just for you.

you lean up and stroke his cheek, his head leaning into the touch, “yes, jaemin.” you kiss him tenderly, your emotions swirling and your head starting to run dizzy, “i’m always sure with you.”

jaemin leans back and takes in your naked form, you were such a fucking goddess in his eyes. you were an angel made only for him, only for his eyes. it was such a pure sight, seeing you displayed just for him. he was slow with his hands and he trailed them along your thighs, admiring the way you raised your hips for him. he smiles softly at the action, your wet core coming into view and making him go crazy. he takes two of his fingers, spreading your lower lips apart and taking everything in. he hears the small plea you let out, followed by a soft whine. and he can’t seem to ignore you, easily slipping both of his fingers in. you were so wet, fuck.

“baby,” he groans, looking at the way you start to fist the pillow beside your head. your body was hot to the touch, and your neck was starting to tingle and become an overwhelming sensation. “you’re so pretty like this, always so pretty no matter what.”

he slowly, very fucking slowly, starts to move his fingers in and out. it was such an excruciatingly pace, making you toss your head back and forth and buck your hips into his fingers. you know he was just trying to stretch you out, his fingers scissoring in place before going in and out again. but you were dying to feel something more, dying to have him fill you up somehow.

“please,” you whine, and it’s such a pretty sound, “please, jaemin.”

“what do you want, my princess?” he leans down to kiss along your jaw and collarbone.

“you,” you pant, your hands coming up to run through his hair, “you, please. give me you. i want you, all of you.”

he can’t deny you, especially not after that. he slips his fingers from you, making sure to lick up what was left. he sighs at the taste, telling you just how sweet you are. he makes quick work to hover over you, giving you a sweet look as his eyes search yours. you lean up, asking for a kiss, and he grants your wish. the kiss was slow, slower than usual. there was no rush between the two of you, and you cherished this very moment. you made sure to remember this forever.

“are you ready?” he asks gruffly, his voice making you slightly jolt.

you nod, “yes, of course.”

he nods, too. letting out a soft breath, he slowly starts to sink into you. and it feels like you’re finally connecting. it feels like you were made to do this from the moment you met him, from the moment you even fucking knew about him. it was so sweet, the moment making your heart sing in your ears. you could feel him bottom out in you, making you groan at the feeling of his cock stretching you so well.

“s- so tight, princess,” he huffs, and his dick can’t help from twitching when your tight walls contract around him. you were too much for him, so good. “ah,” he breathes, head lowering onto your shoulder. when he leans over and starts to lick at the soulmate marking behind your ear, you keen into him and beg him to move.

“oh god,” you whimper in his ear, and it’s his favorite melody, “please, please move. i need to feel you move inside me, jaemin.”

he nods, his forehead starting to glisten with sweat. as he pulled back, and slowly went back in, you let out a noise you didn’t even know you had in you. it was such a pretty sound though, jaemin needed more. so his next thrust was a bit more harsh, making you cry out a soft shout of his name. it felt so good. his mouth was working at your marking, his hips moving so intensely against yours, occasionally opting for rubbing against your clit and then thrusting again. it was so overwhelmingly good. his cock scratched right against your sweet spot every single time, like he immediately knew your body before you even knew it.

“you feel so good,” he moans, and it’s such a sinful sound, making you tug on his hair, “god, y/n. you’re always so fucking good.” jaemin doesn’t cuss much, but fuck, it sounded so good so close to your ear like that. especially since he was groaning, sending you higher and higher towards your pleasure.

“jaemin,” you whine, one of your hands moving down to scratch at his back, and this is his sign to move even faster. it wasn’t rough, though. never too much, never in risk of hurting you. “your cock feels so good inside me.” you whisper, licking the shell of his ear.

he shudders, his hips stuttering against you, “and your pussy feels so tight around me, baby.”

you mewl, the sound coming our foreign to you but to him, it’s heaven. you were so close to coming undone around him, so close to cumming on him. he wanted you to cum first so bad. he reaches down and starts rubbing at your sensitive bud, making you gasp and buck against him. you were close, so close. he could tell from the way you were clenching around him.

“cum for me,” he huffs, his voice coaxing you even further to your release, “come on, baby. cum all over me, show me you’re mine. my pretty soulmate.”

he licks your marking again, and suddenly your wailing towards him, clutching him so tightly as you start to come undone around him. you were shaking beneath him, crying out broken syllables of his name. it was earth shattering, ground breaking even. he followed you not too long after, the intense feeling of you cumming around him sending shocks through his own body. he could feel your nails digging so deeply into his skin as he released inside of you, riding out both of your highs. he clutches the sheets tight, his hand coming up from rubbing against your clit, careful not to hurt you. it was heaven. this was heaven, you were right where you were supposed to be. with him.

you were both out of breath, sweating and incredibly warm. he slowly, very slowly again, eases out of you. he watches as his cum and yours mix together while falling out. he hums before getting up and making his way to the bathroom. you were grateful for him cleaning you up, the warm washcloth surprisingly cool on your hot skin. when he’s done, he throws it somewhere and quickly lays down to pull you against him, throwing a silk sheet over the two of you.

“i..” he gulps, licking his lips, “i love you.”

you clutch him tight against you, feeling as tears start to well in your eyes, “i love you, too.”

it was the first time ever really telling someone you loved them in this way. it was the first time ever making love to someone. the first time ever baring your soul with someone.

and you were so glad it was him, and no one else.

[14:34]

“you know,” jeno starts, sitting in the living room as the both of you wait for jaemin to hop out of the shower, “jaemin was actually really depressed before you.”

your eyes glance in his direction, “what?”

he flips through his phone casually before putting it down and looking at you with an intense gaze, “he tried to... well, he tried to take his life,” he gulps, and you only nod your head as you feel your heart quickening pace, “he’s not open about those kinds of things very often. none of us really knew he was like that. it’s very hard to tell when something is wrong with him.”

you look away from him, not really sure what to say, “i’m sorry.” and that was all you could manage. your mind was starting to run on haywire.

he shakes his head, “it was almost two years ago, it’s fine. but after that we all could tell he was only holding himself together for the benefit of others. but, when he’s around you, it’s like he doesn’t have to act. it’s like he really means it this time.” jeno pauses as you nod your head with a soft smile, “so, thanks, you know. for helping him out.” his gesture was awkward, but you knew he was doing his absolute best.

you look at him with genuine eyes, “you don’t have to thank me. he’s my soulmate, and i’d love him even if he wasn’t.”

jeno nods, “i know.”

the both of you hear jaemin’s door open, and you both act as if the two of you weren’t discussing the secrets of his life. and although a part of you felt like you were intruding, you were still glad to know. you were more than determined to make him the happiest man alive.

“ready?” jaemin asks, giving both of you a smile and gracing a soft kiss on your cheek.

you both nod, ready to go about your day like usual.

[17:56]

time seems to slow down, yet go by really fast around him. you were really starting to fall in love, hard and fast. it was a different type of love, and you were unsure if you were starting to lose yourself or not. you would die for him. you would risk your life, if it meant saving his. your heart ached as you sat on the kitchen counter, watching as he started to cook. it wasn’t clumsy, and he was actually a pretty good cook. it surprised you, in a way.

you swing your legs a bit, “jaemin?”

he glances your way quickly, nodding his head, “yes, love?”

you sigh at the nickname, a smile gracing your features, “you’re always so good to me.”

he raises an eyebrow, eyes peeling away from the directions for only a few seconds before he shakes his head with a chuckle, “you’re my soulmate. i love you.”

“is that the only reason you love me?” you tilt your head. if it wasn’t for the marking on your neck, would he still be by your side? you doubted it. but you still wanted to ask.

he shakes his head again, more serious this time, “no.” he’s affirmative with his answer, “i would love you, even without the stupid marking on your neck. you’re more to me than that.” he looks at you for longer than two seconds, his eyes holding yours in an intense battle.

you smile softly, “i love you, too.”

he nods, “i know.”

it was good to know he knew. you weren’t exactly as good at expressing yourself the way he was, and he knew that. but having these small conversations were enough for him. it was more than enough for him. he enjoyed your company, no matter what. hearing you tell him you love him just once a day was enough to put his mind at ease. he would love you regardless.

your eyes glance towards the time as you place a couple plates on the table, one for you, one for jaemin. you breathe in a deep breath. your life took such a drastic turn with jaemin around, and you were forever happy. as long as it was with jaemin, it didn’t matter where life took you. your soul marking starts to soothe into a deep cold. your back shivers.

“jaemin?” you rush to the kitchen, and you see him glowering with sunken eyes. “jaemin..?” you ask again, placing a hand on his shoulder. his grip on the counter tightens as you see tears start to roll down his flushed cheeks. his eyes are slightly covered by his bangs, but you don’t mistaken the look on his face, even with his head hung low.

“i..” he pauses, swallowing as his body starts to shake. he feels your arms wrap around his body with ease, and he’s quick to wrap his own around yours, too, his face pushed into your neck. you feel tears start to soak your shoulder and shirt, and confusion rushes through your mind. what the hell is happening? you rub along his back, trying to ease the pain he felt in his chest.

“you can tell me,” you whisper, and it coaxes him to sob harder. but you knew he needed this. he needs this small moment of breaking apart. “i’m here, jaemin.”

“amyotrophic lateral sclerosis.”

it was three words. but they struck you deep through the heart. you could feel your body turning stiff, your world spinning beneath your feet, your heart picking up pace. your whole entire world came crashing in on you in such a short amount of time. everything was changing, and this time it was for the worse.

na jaemin was sick.

he was sick, and there wasn’t a cure.

time passes. and you no longer have the courage to look at the clock, anxiously hoping time slows down just for a moment. it was overwhelming. everything was sickeningly slow, yet way too fast. you could see jaemin slowly growing weaker and weaker. no matter how many doctors you paid for, no matter how many pills he took, there was no slowing down how fast his body was starting to lose its momentum. it was breaking your heart.

memories had built with him over time. some good, some bad. but never enough to make you want to leave him. there was never a single doubt in your mind that jaemin wasn’t the one. jaemin gave you everything you weren’t sure of. he made you believe in love, made you realize just how much you needed him. he was there. he was always there for you. when you fell down, when you needed him the most, when you needed a pick-me-up. he was there. and you were more than determined to be there for him. he needed you now. he needed you to be there. and yoy were. weeks passed, weeks turning into months since being diagnosed. you knew there was no cure for what he had, and you knew death was almost certain in these circumstances. and even if the doctors said it most likely wouldn’t be soon, you still made sure to take mental pictures of jaemin every single time you saw him. you love him. you really, really love him.

“jaemin,” you run your fingers through his hair.

he croakily responds, his throat turning itchy, “hm?” he couldn’t find it in himself to properly respond, his body aching severely.

you could feel the aching in his bones. you could fucking tell it was tearing him apart. and it was hurting you like no other. why did this have to happen to you? why him? jaemin was nothing less of a perfect doting boyfriend. nothing fucking less.

tears were rolling before you could help it. you wanted to be strong for him, wanted to hold yourself together for the sake of his happiness. but you just couldn’t. your soul was bound to him, you were running on a rollercoaster of emotions. how could you even imagine living without him?

“hey,” jaemin sits up slowly, and you sob harder. your body racks and shakes, and he attempts to hold you. his eyes were sad, “i’m still here, you know.”

“they said it was increasingly getting worse..” your body was on the verge of giving up, your marking running cold, “i- i don’t know. i don’t know what i’m going to do, jaemin!” your life was falling apart.

“i won’t be going anywhere for awhile, y/n.” his voice easy, soft, comforting. it was everything you weren’t right now. how could he be so calm about all of this? especially when his bones were aching? when his throat was dying?

“i’m sorry,” your head hangs low, “i should be the one that’s there for you. god, i’m so sorry,” you shiver as jaemin pulls you into his embrace. he lays on the bed, and even if his body is begging him not to move, he pulls you even closer to him. because you mean so much more to him than his own health. and it was scaring you. “please, don’t do that. i need you to relax.”

he hums, unable to respond. his voice was dying out on him, reaching his limit for the day. so he does as you say, laying back and letting you pull blankets over the two of you. he feels you snuggle up next to him, eyes still stained with tears. and it hurts. it hurts his chest, and he feels just how shivering cold his marking is from how upset you were. there was a tinge of heat, simmering with the ice cold. you were battling a war inside your head, and he couldn’t help from feeling guilty. he was the reason you felt like this. and he couldn’t do anything.

“i love you,” you breathe, sighing as your senses flood with his smell, “so fucking much.”

he chuckles a bit, “i love you so much, too, my love.” he was exhausted, his eyes falling heavy.

your hands clutch tightly to the clinging fabric on his chest, eyes shut tightly as you reminisce this certain feeling of having him next to you. the moonlight has a pretty glow on his slightly pale skin. he was ethereal, the prettiest human you’ve ever laid eyes on. he made you so happy, and you were afraid of having to let it all go. you never wanted to leave him. never wanted him to leave you.

but nothing lasts forever.

and it hurts knowing that.

“i’m always going to be here, jaemin.” you kiss his cheek, watching as his chest starts to rise and fall easily, “always.”

your heart stops in your chest.

you thought you had more time.

it feels like you’ve completely been dumped in cold water, your veins knowing that something wasn’t right.

jaemin wasn’t breathing.

you woke up that morning, not feeling the easy breathing that would normally tickle the back of your neck. you woke up that morning, not hearing a croaky groan as he stretched. you woke up that morning, feeling nothing but his cold, lifeless body.

you woke up that morning.

losing the love of your life.

and it was earth shattering. you remember screaming, crying, cursing, demanding why this had to happen to you. you remember breaking down as jeno and hyuck rush in the room to see why you were so distraught. you remember the look of fear and realization. you rememeber feeling so sick to your stomach. you remember rushing to the bathroom, throwing up and feeling as your body starts to crash and burn on you. you remember the sirens of the ambulance. you remember the paramedics taking him away. you remember, you fucking remember.

and a weak part of you wishes you didn’t.

you were supposed to have more time. you were supposed to get married, have at least one child, see the world together. you were supposed to get your happy ever after with him. was there a reason why you were being tortured like this? was there a reason he had to go so soon?

you miss him. you miss his laugh, his smile, his sweet words he would whisper in your ear before he fell into a deep slumber. there was no replacing him. there was no replacing the feeling he gave you. and you remember curling in your bed for weeks, months at a time. you remember his funeral being held just a week after he passed in your arms that night. and you remember not going. and you remember hyuck screaming at you through the door that day, saying just how sick you are and how much a ‘terrible human being’ you were. but you didn’t care. no, you really didn’t. because nothing else mattered. not a single thing on earth mattered anymore. he wasn’t there anymore.

you weren’t proud to skip his funeral. you were breaking apart day by day, and you couldn’t find it in yourself to even eat anymore. you were surviving off of the bare minimum just to keep you alive. but, there were times where you barely even wanted to be. your soul was shattered. your heart was broken. you were already in a million different pieces. it was hell. you were living in your own personal hell. you watched day by day, week by week, month by month as his body started to give out. you watched, unable to help him. and you so desperately wanted to remember the good times with him, but everytime you did, it just tore you apart even more. you couldn’t find it in yourself to smile over the small moments with him, only finding yourself crying for the rest of the night until your body fell into exhaustion. you were at your peak, unable to process anything anymore. none of it felt real, yet at the same time, it all felt too fucking real.

you sigh, your heart heavy and your eyes filled to the brim with dried tears. you couldn’t feel anything anymore. you were exhausted. your body was turning tired, feeling as if the tears were even starting to dry out. your body couldn’t move. not for months, at least. it took you almost 5 months to finally get the courage to call hyuck and apologize for missing jaemin’s funeral. you were still grieving. still trying to pull yourself together after losing the one thing that truly held you together through your anxious mind. jaemin walked you out of your slumps. and now that he wasn’t here, you needed to do it on your own. at your own time, at your own pace. and you knew you would get there eventually. but it would never be easy. you will never be able to erase jaemin to the feeling he gave you. you would never be able to forget him. you will never love someone as much as you loved him, and you knew that was a given. you knew that. but it didn’t mean it didn’t hurt any less.

almost 7 months after his passing, you finally make it to his grave. you stand right in front of his tombstone, and you feel emotions flooding your senses. you trace your fingers lightly over your marking, and you wince. jaemin may be gone, but his memory will forever be there. you breathe in a long swish of air, feeling the cold sensation on your skin. it was mid-winter, the air feeling crisp beneath your fingertips. you look at the grey tombstone, noticing that just below his name was your soulmate marking. and you curse to yourself. you missed his funeral. you missed it, because you were too selfish to leave your bed. you were in such a broken state, unable to even move. you couldn’t bare standing in front of his casket, watching as they lower him into the ground forever. it would have broken you a million times more than you already were. you just weren’t ready. you didn’t think you ever would be.

but, here you were.

standing in front of him again.

you sit down, sitting criss-cross as you face him for the first time in months.

“jaemin,” it almost sounds foreign saying his name again. but you continue, you needed to. “you gave me my will to live. and i know that sounds cheesy. and i know that you would probably tell me that i shouldn’t think like that, but i’m just being honest. i love you, so much. i couldn’t bring myself to go to your funeral that day. because it felt like it was forever. i was scared of saying goodbye back then, i couldn’t imagine a life without you. and i still can’t. i still think about how much easier it would be if you were just here, and nowhere else. i think about every single moment we spent together, and i remember every single tiny thing we did together.” you pause, breathing in a deep breath, “i remember meeting you, telling you how i was scared, kissing you, loving you. i remember it all.. and i even remember waking up that next morning and realizing you were no longer there with me.

“you’re my soulmate, jaemin. and i hope you know that, despite my selfishness, i still love you. i still care about you. you were my everything. you were someone i could not live without. you taught me how to love, how to truly, fully love someone. you even taught me my own self worth. you eased the pain when it got too much. you made me realize i had a reason to live in the first place. you gave me life, jaemin. you made me feel so alive. and i will never be able to thank you enough for loving me through it all, even despite how mouthy and mean and selfish i could get. no matter how emotionally anxious i became. you were there, and i knew you loved me. i knew, because you were still there every single morning. telling me just how much i mean to you.”

for the first time in weeks, your eyes well up in tears. you feel one drop on your knee as you try to wipe the rest away.

“i love you, na jaemin. there is nothing more to it. there is no defining my love for you, and there is no forgetting the feeling you gave me. i will always love you. and i don’t think i’ll ever be able to fully let you go. but i need to do this, jaemin. i hope you can forgive me, and i hope to see you again one day.”

“goodbye, jaemin. thank you for loving me.”

and that night, you remember seeing a silhouette of jaemin, you remember hearing his sweet voice in your dreams.

“i love you, my love,” he spoke, “please, never forget that. you can let go now. it’s okay, i’ll always be here.”

and, despite it tearing you apart the next morning. you could feel relief wash over you.

you were letting go.

because i might not always have you but i’ll have the feeling of you for the rest of my life.

[silkylious]

Funny Way of Saying I Love You (Dabi x Reader)

Pairing: Dabi x Reader Warnings: angst(i have an addiction i swear), fluff Prompts: #9 “That’s a funny way of saying ‘I love you’” and  #16 “When have I ever let you down, babe? Okay, don’t answer that”

A/N: Thank you for the request! im taking my time writing these since im physically incapable of writing drabbles. I hope you like this!!

Shutting the door behind you, a soothing dusk breeze fluttered your hair as you moved farther away from your daily hell. Your boss had made it a point to be a pain in the ass today, well, more so than usual. Working overtime on a Friday evening wasn’t what you’d hoped to be doing but you couldn’t exactly complain, it wasn’t like you had anything planned and the promise of an extra paycheck didn’t sound displeasing. Rubbing your temples to ease the headache (courtesy of your boss’s incessant bitching), you walked on autopilot to your apartment, you couldn’t wait to treat yourself to a bubble bath and maybe even some wine. Little did you know that your plans would be thoroughly ruined by a certain scarred villain.

You made the decision to pass by a nearby convenient store that wasn’t too far from your residence to cop some snacks. Filtering through the brands of alcohol, you grimaced at the overpriced tags of the various red wine brands, you settled for some cheap liquor with a sigh. It ain’t much but it should do the trick. After paying for what little stuff you’d fetched, you continued on your trek to your humble flat. The sun had completely vanished from the sky, a lingering crimson bleeding into a rich indigo. Your thoughts were so spellbound by the beautiful sight, that you just barely heard a strained grunt from your left. Blinking back into reality, you halted in your steps right next to a comically shady alleyway. Just like in those horror movies. You snorted at the thought, briefly comparing yourself to that one character who always dies first in movies. Though your internal jesting was cut short when the same sound propagated through the alleyway again, this time much more haggard, closely followed by violent coughing. Against your better judgment, you treaded forward cautiously. Why were you doing this? You weren’t sure. Maybe it was the unfulfilled dream loitering in the back of your mind resurfacing after many years of suppression, but you couldn’t not help someone out in a time of need.

The deeper you ventured into the alleyway, the louder your rationality shouted, begging you to turn around and book it to your apartment complex. You were stopped in your steps when an aggressive cough broke the quiet, the sound now impossibly closer and blood splattered all over the ground before your feet. Your eyes followed the vermilion trail, skinny legs covered in bloodied up, skin-tight jeans came into view, you were met with familiar scarred features. His eyes were struggling to stay open, though at the sight of you he forced his lids apart, flashing you a bloody, half-pained smirk, red liquid running down his scarred tissue.

You blinked. Dabi blinked. You blinked again and then-

“What the shit, Dabi! Are you okay?!”

You dropped to your knees next to his limp body propped up against the shaggy wall. He gave a humorless chuckle, more blood oozing out of the corners of his lips. Dabi hummed when your hands touched his fucked up face, your quirk already pacifying most of his pain. It wasn’t a healing quirk, you were simply able to transfer emotions, feelings and sensations (to and fro) with skin on skin contact. You didn’t want him knocking the fuck out from sheer pain (heaven knows there is no way you were going to lug this human heater home), so you had to ease him a little before tending to his injuries. Your body twitched as the hurt from Dabi’s body merged into your own.

“I’ve seen better days, sweetheart,”

“You don’t say.” The words came out harsh, reprimanding. Dabi winced, from the pain or from your tone, he wasn’t sure.

The plastic bag that had been temporarily abandoned came in handy, you sorrowfully used the liquor to clean the large gashes on his abdomen (not wanting to risk an infection on the way to your complex), wrapping them up securely with scraps of his shirt. So much for a relaxing bath and liquor. You heaved him up on semi-steady knees and took a different, more desolate route back home. The last thing you’d want right now is for authorities to see you walking an injured Dabi, one of the most wanted villains in the current climate, home. He leaned most of his weight on your shoulder, his shit-eating grin told you he was doing it on purpose. You couldn’t find it in you to retaliate as you usually would, too worried to come up with any snarky comments.

This had become way too much of a ritual for your comfort. You’d find him bleeding by your doorstep at ungodly hours, silently asking for shelter. Each and every time, you’d patch him up, provide him with food and your company. You’d grown attached to the scar faced male, and even if you disdained his line of work, you’d respected his life and independence (as independent as someone who crashes on your couch near daily can be). For the past couple months, his tasks had been getting progressively more and more dangerous. Your heart couldn’t help but clench each time you saw him beaten and bruised. You knew it was risky letting these feelings develop, Dabi had made it quite clear that your relationship was nothing beyond physical, with a level of mutual respect and trust.

But this was the worst condition you’d ever seen him in after one of his missions. Not too dissimilar to the first time you met; bloody, bruised and half-conscious, truly a sight to pity. You’d noiselessly knelt down, pressed your hand onto his cheek, he hadn’t even been able to flinch at your touch, too disoriented to react properly. Though in mere moments, he began feeling the pain ebb away; the injuries were still there, he just couldn’t feel them, he equated the numbing sensation to painkillers and drugs. His eyelids parted, revealing gorgeous teal irises. Full of ethereal beauty, despite being unfocused. You had to actively shun your quirk from relaying your attraction to him as you soothed his pain, his staples and marred skin a stark contrast to your soft fingers. That night you gave him a place to stay while he was on the run, you didn’t know why, but you did. Just this one time you’d said. One time became two times. Two times became countless and the rest is history.

The apartment door was slammed open, you were beyond irate. The more you thought about him, his situation, your situation, the more you felt the urge to knock shit over and scream bloody murder. Turquoise hues followed you with contempt – and mild amusement ­– but mostly contempt. Dabi took his usual spot on your worn-out couch, while you stomped your way into the bathroom to get a first aid kit. With your absence, Dabi was left to his own thoughts running amuck. Dabi wasn’t oblivious. He knew what your silence meant, knew what the look of unbridled worry in your eyes implied. Yet he didn’t want to address the less than subtle growing feelings you have for him. Attachment in his line of work was a surefire way to get hurt, he figured that if he kept whatever relationship you guys had physical, he wouldn’t have any issues to fuss over. But he couldn’t lie to himself, Dabi was conscious of the budding adoration in his heart from the moment you helped him out that first time, in that filthy alley. God, he needed a cigarette.

Much to his pleasure, you came back before his mind could implode in on itself. You sat beside him on the couch, leaving more space between you than usual. Without saying a word, your hands undid his makeshift bandages, slowly but surely patching him up an inch at a time. It honestly felt like a routine at this point. That prompted a sour taste in your mouth, you couldn’t stand how careless he’d been recently, and it was eating you up inside. But you didn’t dare voice your concerns, not wanting another aimless argument with him. If silence would save you another headache inducing fight, then silence it was–

“So, you gonna tell me what crawled up your ass?”

Or not.

“Shut. Up.” You weren’t in the mood for his quips today. Fatigue from work, babysitting a villain and dealing with unrequited feelings severely fouling your otherwise warm attitude. You were just on the brink of throwing caution to the wind and letting loose all the muffled feelings you have for him. One more comment and your composure would shatter. Conveniently – or not so conveniently, he seemed to be in a talkative mood tonight.

“Seriously, what’s up with you?” The question was redundant, he knew exactly what was up with you, but he couldn’t think of anything else. Your quietness was killing him. He had to say something. He should have chosen his words a little more wisely though.

“What’s up with me?! Are you being fucking serious right now?! I come home and almost every day find you bleeding on my doorstep. Almost every day I give your reckless ass a place to stay, only for you to go and get yourself hurt again!” Pent up rage exploded from within you, an amalgamation of emotions gushing out of your pores. His eyes blew wide, not only because he had never seen you this angry, but because of the surge of emotions flooding him. In your fury filled stupor, you’d let go of the tight rein you had on your quirk. With a hand still touching his bruised forearm, you began unintentionally bleeding your feelings into him. Rage, sorrow and worry were just a few of the many emotions that rocked his being. But one stood out among the rest, outshining the others with blinding ferocity. And it honestly scared him, how powerful it was, zapping through his body. He figured you had feelings for him, that much was obvious, but he didn’t think they were that strong. Your breathtaking emotions awakened something in him too, pulling it out of the depths of where he tried to hide it, push it down in hopes of abolishing it.

It was too much to handle this, he kept coming back for help when he could easily seek any of his colleagues out, the implication that you meant something to him was so elating yet so damaging. It kept you stuck in place, barred from shutting him out or walking away. You couldn’t keep hanging onto the hope that he might reciprocate your love. It was harming you, no matter how sensuous he was in bed, no matter how gently he held onto you afterwards, he would never call you his lover. He made that crystal fucking clear. You had to put a stop to this. You leveled your shaky voice as much as your vocal cords would allow, barely whispering.

“Get the hell out, Dabi. I don’t wanna see you here again.”

The emotions sifting through him mellowed out, no longer was rage at the forefront. Pain, hurt and heartbreak ravaged him. But that one emotion was still there, despite him being a gaping asshole, it was still present. He smirked.

“That’s a funny way of saying ‘I love you,’ doll.”

“Wha–“ Before you could question his response, he swiftly captured your lips in his own to shut you up. It was a quick, firm peck, but its aftermath amused him greatly. The look of bewilderment on your face was damn priceless. You were, again, transferring your feelings to him. Adoration, confusion, the overwhelming urge to pimp smack him; it was all too entertaining for him. His vibrant teals settled upon your hand still gripping his arm. No fabric to separate them. Your own eyes followed suit. Oh. You immediately stopped your quirk, redacting your palm in the process for good measure. Dabi delighted in the bashful look that overtook your face, his own growing soft. He had trouble accepting his own feelings, but after experiencing yours, he would, at the very least, try for you. Awkward silence ensued. You both knew it was his turn to talk, to finally let out the unsaid words you’d been longing for.

“(name), I… I wanna do this right, take you out on dates and shit,” He cleared his throat. “If you’d let me.”

Your answer came in the form of a crushing hug. Your love was pouring into him again, this time of your own accord. You held onto each other, his hands biting into your skin, your own carding through his dark locks. You didn’t need words. Figuratively and literally. He felt everything in bright, flashing colors, he never wanted this moment to end. But it did. His phone rang.

Clear annoyance shined in both of your eyes. With a heavy sigh, he left your embrace, getting up to answer the call.

Another mission.

With the very recent revelations both of you had come to, the idea of him going on missions carried a lot more weight than it used to. Now in front of your apartment door, he put on his shoes, ready to head out to the League’s hideout. Dabi turned around, breath hitching when he saw you standing there frowning, eyes tearful. For some reason, you had a gut feeling this mission wouldn’t be so easy. You didn’t want him to go. And it was showing.

“C’mon, baby doll. Don’t give me that look. I’ll be back, I promise,” When you didn’t even crack a smile at the nickname he sighed. “When have I ever let you down, babe?” He quickly backtracked. “Okay, don’t answer that,”

You managed a small giggle, shaking your head. You approached him slowly, silently wrapping your arms around him. You relished in his quickening heartbeat. Pulling back, you placed your hands on his clothed shoulders. You edged forward, puckering your lips against his own, the point of contact allowing you to relay your inner turmoil to him. Your hands itched towards his face, fiddling gingerly with the multiple staples aligning his cheeks. “Come back, okay? I love you.”

Breath caught in his throat, Dabi tried to push the words setting him aflame through his lips, but he couldn’t. This was happening too fast; it was giving him whiplash. He didn’t know how to say those words yet, so he opted for calling out to you.

“(name)…”

Without even using your power, the conflict in his eyes told you everything you needed to know. you pushed your forehead to rest against his. His love burned through you, so intense, so like him. With a tiny tug at your lips, you lulled the raging storm in his mind. “Shh, Dabi. I know.”

With a parting peck, he was out the door. He didn’t know what was to come out of this mission, but he did know that he now had one more reason to come out alive.

[elkian]

I was gonna do a “missing the point”-style meme but I’m honestly not sure that would even work tho so:

Harry Potter and My Hero Academia/Boku no Hero Academia have similar issues with introducing and then immediately ignoring ENORMOUS issues re: ableism.

I think these two series in specific come to mind bc it’s ableism within a specific empowered community, and in both cases the series are pretty well-known and the community (Wix/Heroes) are immediately identifiable to many audiences.

[WARNING: Discussions of ableism, child harm, and abuse on multiple levels.]

What’s the problem?

SQUIBS.

[This post got stupid huge SO here is a tl,dr for all you lovely people who understandably have no time for this.

TL, DR: Both Harry Potter and Boku No Hero have a bad tendency to implement or imply a level of disability regarding unempowered people in empowered societies. They then continue on to completely disregard important conclusions to these implications, such as how heavily it is implied that these unempowered people (Squibs) are so ‘worthless’ to those societies that their very deaths are merely a byline rather than an actual tragedy.

This is especially troubling in MHA/BNHA when so many other political and worldbuilding considerations HAVE been planned out, and seems to be less-discussed in the fandom as a whole, so that’s a much larger chunk of this post.]

That’s your tl, dr!

Here’s the Harry Potter angle:

HP has a bit that I’ve seen people discussing already: Neville’s magic was discovered when his uncle dropped a literal child a potenial lethal distance. 

Neville activating his power and surviving is celebrated, and then JKR immediately glosses over the glaring issue this has introduced: the heavy implication that a Squib dying from this incident would have not have been mourned or even really commented on.

The few adult Squibs (and isn’t that a whole new slice of wonderful /j) are generally disliked and ridiculed for some reason or other. Now, while obviously there are plenty of places where the Venn diagram of “disabled” and “asshole” intersect irl, when your ONLY presentation of a disabled character or group is, every time, an asshole or a fool or both, boy! That’s bad!

Neville (who is generally presented as magically, physically, and mentally weak and often treated as comic relief) is a bit better via the POV Character constantly having positive interactions with him, but this is still a mess. Yes, Neville canonically is not a Squib, but it’s not subtle that he’s on the cusp OF being a Squib, and that is a key element of ridiculing him in many situations (also the whole trauma thing multiple times, like if I really get into it I could do a whole double-size post of how Neville was done dirty or nearly dirty by JK all the time but this isn’t that post).

This isn’t even the point of this post. Let’s move to MHA/BNHA

Hero Academia has differing but honestly even worse issues. And I’m aware that different countries handle ableism and accessibility in different ways, but if you think too hard about it this is an absolute clusterfuck.

What is the problem now?

Squibs! Or rather, the main character of the series, Midoriya Izuku.

Deku (a nickname meaning “useless”! Imparted after his disability is recognized! hilarity!!) is also born without powers. Even worse in some ways, he is born without powers in a world where the overwhelming majority of the global population has some kind of empowerment. I can’t recall if it’s outright stated or only implied that someone with a functionally useless (and hoo boy, usefullness to society is its own post nope not today i do not have that much energy) Quirk is still more of a person than a Quirkless human.

That sink in? Okay, let’s move on.

In a narratively not-uncommon turn of events, Deku gains power. This is partially a product of, and directly tied to, his own work and determination, as well as his willingness to help even when physically outmatched.

To an American audience (NOT the intended audience though I wouldn’t doubt it if Horikoshi meant to have international appeal more or less from the start), this is a deeply satisfying narrative. Who doesn’t love an underdog story? And we even learn that the strongest hero of all time (til this point, anyways) was ALSO born Quirkless!

However, from here, things take a nosedive.

The key problem is a combination of story progression and overall thought put into worldbuilding. Horikoshi’s efforts may not be the MOST thorough, but he has put a great deal of work and thought into his creation (he at least understands the concept of implications and sometimes plans accordingly, looking at you JKR). However, that tied with story progression and personal repercussions actually works to the detriment of the matter.

Especially given recent turns of events.

 [BIG MEGA SPOILERS FOR FAIRLY RECENT PLOT

 STOP HERE IF YOU’RE NOT CAUGHT UP

 SERIOUSLY]

 What I mean by this is the current state of events re: two particular recent/recent-ish plot arcs.

First, Quirk Removal, and second, Endeavor’s comeuppance.

Quirk Removal/Loss was the start of my realization to what the narrative was doing regarding Izuku’s Quirklessness and the state of being overall.

This arc was a perfect time to bring up Midoriya’s past! A lot of Western works certainly would have done so! And yes, it may be bordering on done-to-death, but many elements of Hero Academia put new twists on common themes and cliches; it wasn’t unreasonable to hope that he might do it again.

Instead, little to NOTHING is discussed during this time! In fact, iirc I’d go so far as to say Midoriya straight-up never considers his past at any point during this arc!? If I’m wrong then it obviously made little impact.

NOW, not every disabled character needs to incorporate their disability and/or skills gleaned from living with it in every narrative. In fact, it would get tedious and questionable if they did (note: this does NOT mean ignoring/forgetting the character is even disabled when convenient. Like, I’d like to think that’s the obvious point of this post but... *gestures at tumblr*). 

But the complete lack of it here feels really weird. Like, almost hollow. I think Midoriya makes some kind of suggestion to Mirio of his former Quirklessness at the end of the arc, but nothing that made any kind of impact.

Let’s move on.

Endeavor.

Now, the problem with Endeavor’s arc is not the arc itself. Or, rather, it’s the fact that Endeavor’s Comeuppance is pretty good.

This is a problem because someone else should be getting this exact same arc, yet the issue is never even RECOGNIZED, let alone addressed.

Endeavor’s abuse of his wife and children, all in the name of creating a Heroic legacy, is publicized and tanks his popularity. The general public is now aware of what he’s done to the people closest to him, which aside from giving him a more correct reputation, means they can’t trust him to protect them if they can’t trust him to protect his own family.

This isn’t the goal of this post and I’m no expert regardless, but up to this point (around chapter 290) this was handled in an interesting way. Endeavor is humanized and often shown interacting with people in a way that, while often domineering, isn’t always aggressive or abusive. He runs a Hero Agency for crying out loud! But abuse in the real world often isn’t constant, nor happening to everyone in contact with the abuser. So this is a surprisingly good lead up to the reveal, where you can understand how most people never realized this was an issue.

But here’s my main point. Let’s examine some traits and actions that come up:

physically abusive to a child (often dangerously so) to the point of permanent trauma and severe scarring in some cases

target of abuse was weaker (physically and/or regarding Quirk power)

often abused victim emotionally/psychologically, bringing this weakness up again and again

own immense power led to rising in the world of Heroics

comrades, fellow Heroes, UA teachers etc. not aware of prior abuse issues

Who does this sound like?

Endeavor, who has a whole fucking arc dedicated to this reveal and repercussions?

Or Bakugou?

Reminder: This isn’t a hate post. This isn’t a character post, or even an abuse post. This is about ableism.

Bakugou exhibits many, many traits and actions that Endeavor was literally just punished for. So why does the treatment of these characters in-universe differ so drastically?

Two primary reasons I can think of, which feed into each other:

1) Bakugou was a child (still technically is a minor, remember! Still a first-year high schooler!) when this started. This doesn’t mean he’s strictly innocent, but it’s an important point, because it leads us to

2) Bakugou Katsuki’s abuse of Midoriya Izuku is socially accepted.

Reminder of the audience’s first encounter with Katsuki. The very first page with him is him and his grade-school posse picking on a kid that Izuku is trying to protect. His posse is showing off their Quirk powers and mocking Izuku’s lack thereof.

Then we flash forward to late-middle school versions of the kids. Bakugou, in front of a fucking teacher and entire class, is verbally, physically, etc. abusive to Izuku. He trashes his stuff, threatens him, tells him to kill himself (which, as Izuku notes later, is a fucking felony in Japan too).

No one stops him.

No one criticizes him.

We don’t even get a shot of like, some more ‘regular’ students being like “man Bakugou’s kinda fucked up but we’re too scared to do anything about it” NO. NO. Everyone more or less either backs Katsuki up or straight up doesn’t care.

Remember that this started when Katsuki and Izuku were four. Remember that Katsuki’s power is absurdly dangerous, ie. LITERAL. GODDAMN. EXPLOSIONS.

Izuku has scars. He probably has hearing loss! He may have gotten at least one concussion which can cause serious neurological issues and open him up to further risk!

He could have died.

And?

NO ONE. DOES. ANYTHING.

THIS is the point of the post. THIS is the value placed on Quirkless people in this society.

And yet. Despite Endeavor’s comeuppance. Despite All Might and Izuku’s blatant ‘value’ to society through Heroics. Despite so many other political implications and quandaries address in the Hero Academia series.

Nothing. Nothing. Nothing about this is addressed. The nearly-lethal ableism towards Quirkless people in this society is never ONCE brought up properly once Izuku receives One For All.

There is so much potential here! There is so much worth talking about! And yet we’ve moved into what feels very much like the Final Battle without it being addessed, despite numerous, numerous opportunities for a meaningful conversation about it along the way.

Mirio losing his power! Hell, Mirio’s powers’ drawbacks (and pretty much every Quirk’s drawback! if acknowledged properly!) border on a disability-analogue, and even more when Yuga’s laser comes up, and yet again and again we fail to truly engage with the matter in a meaningful way.

At this point, even if it comes up in the finale, I’m going to be disappointed in this particular aspect of the series due to the complete and total shut-down it’s been given so far.

What the FUCK, Horikoshi?

[fanfalc-616]

The Rights Of A Nindroid

Chapter Seventeen

(Previous Chapter Here)

@ablackswansweet once again helped me with Kyle, he’s basically her OC at this point-

So...

How much do you all hate me? (:

Upon realizing that he had slipped up and thought the way they had wanted him to, Zane redoubled his efforts at resisting.

He cannot fall victim to their lies. He must stay strong. His team is coming for him, it- it has been over six months, yes, but surely they will be here soon. They have not- they would not give up on him, it- they will come for him soon. He only has to hold on a little longer, yes, just a little longer, and then they’ll take him home, back home, back where he is loved and cared for.

Just a little longer.

He can last a little longer.

YOU OKAY?

Zane feels himself shaking, unable to honestly answer the question. He had not told Cryptor of the way he had internally referred to himself as an ‘it’, and he doesn’t plan to. Saying it aloud… acknowledging what he had done seems to make it more real. He would confirm that he is giving into their desires, he would no longer be able to ignore what is staring him in the face.

YES

It’s a lie, plain and simple. Zane is not okay, and he will one day have to come to terms with this fact.

But today is not that day.

Today, he will allow himself the luxury of ignorance.

Today, he holds onto a non-existent shred of dignity.

Today, he lets himself believe in the lie that everything is okay.

That lie is all he has left.

{ { { { { { { { { { ~ } } } } } } } } } }

Cryptor can see through Zane easily. Maybe it’s because he was based on his design, but he’s always known the white ninja better than he’d care to admit.

Zane is not okay, no matter what he says. At this point, it seems like he’s trying to convince himself more than Cryptor.

And that’s a bad sign. A very, very bad sign.

It seems that he’s resisting more, at least- it’s taking longer before they bring him back to the locker, so he must be putting up a fight.

But Cryptor finds himself worrying that it’s more of an extinction burst, a large amount of effort and defiance that happens just before he falls into learned helplessness.

He can’t lose Zane, he- he can’t. At this point, Zane is all he has left.

If he breaks, Cryptor won’t be far behind.

Every day is longer than the one before. It takes every ounce of effort and strength he has to prevent himself from giving in.

But he manages to keep a grip, to hold onto his sanity. He’s going to be fine, he’ll hold out as long as he needs to.

Because this won’t be how it ends. This won’t be how he goes out. He refuses to let himself be brought down, not here, not like this.

If he loses, it’ll be in battle, they will have to take him apart piece by oil-soaked piece.

He still has his dignity, damn it, and that’s one thing that they will never take from him. He might lose it at times, but he won’t give up entirely.

Cryptor isn’t a ninja. He never had been, and doesn’t want to be.

But he will never quit.

That is one thing that him and Zane have in common.

At least… something they had in common.

Now? Now, Cryptor’s not so sure. Zane isn’t quite right anymore. Zane isn’t… he doesn’t seem very Zane, as strange as it sounds.

He’s started to lose himself, started to succumb to the whims of their captors.

Cryptor can only hope that he’ll be able to hang on.

Because as much as he doesn’t want to admit it, Cryptor is scared. Terrified, actually.

Terrified of their captors.

Terrified of losing Zane.

Terrified of being alone again.

He can’t… he can’t handle being alone again.

Closing his eyes, he realizes that the days he has left are numbered. It’s only so long until Zane breaks.

And when he does, he’ll take Cryptor with him.

Because he can’t handle being alone again. And if the only way to avoid that is becoming their pawn…

Then so be it.

{ { { { { { { { { { ~ } } } } } } } } } }

Sentry looks over at Kyle, who seems deep in thought as he stares at the blueprint for the way the neural net connects to different gears.

“You don’t need to memorize it or anything, you’re mostly just going to be working on some simple mechanisms for now.”

“No I know I don’t need to memorize it, but I was thinking about, maybe, a different design? You know, when you connect the gear mechanisms to the CPU, you should run them through the sensors first. That way it would let a nindroid feel more subtle things, and improve their sensory abilities.”

Blinking a few times, Sentry looks back at the blueprints, comparing the new design idea to the existing one.

“That’s… actually a good idea.” He looks back over at Kyle, impressed with the line of thought. “Granted, feeling things more intensely might cause pain if not regulated properly, but it would be easy enough for them to learn.” While the second part is more to himself than Kyle, the blond seems amused by it, chuckling to himself.

He then mumbles something under his breath that Sentry can’t quite make out, but he elects to ignore it- if Kyle wants him to hear, he’ll speak up. If not, it’s none of his business.

Taking another moment to think on how the different wires might connect, Sentry pulls up a blank blueprint on the screen.

“Could you show me your idea here? A visual model would be helpful.” It’s interesting how quickly Kyle had come up with the idea- it’s almost like he had prior knowledge about how nindroid systems work.

"Yeah sure, give me a minute. I'm just moving this here and…"

Kyle’s nose scrunches up in concentration and he carefully alters the digital blueprint, rearranging the location of the wires and how they connect.

Frowning, Sentry watches the way the wires cross. “Is there enough space to connect things? That looks like it might be painful if put that way.”

Kyle blinks, glancing back over at Sentry.

"Oh! My bad. Made a mistake, don't worry. We wouldn't want to hurt them, now would we?" For a moment, Sentry could swear that there’s a flicker of a smile, a smile that makes him uneasy. But that expression wouldn’t seem to fit what he knows of Kyle, so he shakes his head, brushing it off.

Still, something about the way the words are phrased and spoken puts him on edge. He feels like there’s something he’s missing, but he can’t quite put his finger on what it is.

“No, we wouldn’t.” He agrees, ignoring the feeling. He’s only tense because he’s stressing about Cryptor, that’s all it is. He needs to stop reading into it so much; he has a job and he can’t get distracted so easily.

Kyle fixes the arrangement of the wires before turning back to Sentry with a blinding smile, nothing like the unnerving one that he had though he’d seen.

"Okay, all done! What's next, sir?"

Shaking his head, Sentry gives his own gentle smile. “Just Sentry is fine. And now I think I’ll run this by Dad and see what he thinks about it. Feel free to look around at the other systems while I do.”

"Don't need to tell me twice."

While the response is kind of odd, Sentry ignores the unfounded worry and copies the blueprints to his internal files, heading off to go find Cyrus.

There’s nothing to be worried about. It’s fine.

There- there’s nothing to be worried about. It’s all in his head.

Sentry once again pushes the thoughts from his mind as he steps into the elevator.

Kyle is just an intern. There’s no reason that Sentry should be worried about him.

Still. Maybe a quick background check wouldn’t hurt…

{ { { { { { { { { { ~ } } } } } } } } } }

The damn brat is trying to start up another conversation with him, but Cryptor really doesn’t care about anything he has to say.

"Hey General, you'll never guess what Sentry showed me." Kyle chirps.

Okay. He’s got his attention. “Wh- what who showed you?” A moment too late, Cryptor realizes that he should’ve kept the fear out of his voice.

The blond raises an eyebrow in interest. "The nindroid general, all in white. You must know it, right?"

Cryptor shifts in his bonds as he looks away. “We- we’ve met.” He admits.

"Met, huh. Like Original and its ‘friends’ met?" The amusement in his voice makes Cryptor bristle in annoyance.

“What?! No!” The way his power source heats up refutes his claims, but Cryptor is hoping that Kyle doesn’t notice that.

So maybe he likes Sentry as more than a friend. It doesn’t matter. The other doesn’t like him like that, anyway.

If he really did, he would’ve come to rescue him by now.

"Ow. You're no fun," he says, mockery and mischief in his voice.

Sighing, the nindroid gives in. “... what did he show y- wait.” Sudden fear sets into him. “H- how do you know him?! What did you do?!”

"Calm down, it's not like you personally know the guy, it's not important for you to know how I know it..." It's clear the blond is trying to make him admit something. His choice of words seems very deliberate.

“I- you- that's not…” Cryptor groans, giving in. “Okay, fine, I know him. Now what did you do?”

"Know it how?" He insists, not satisfied with Cryptor's answers.

There’s no getting out of this, is there? Looking down, he speaks up. “He- he saved my life. I owe him.” He admits, choosing not to mention the time they had spent together after the white nindroid had let him stay at Borg Tower.

A low, dangerous chuckle escapes the brat. "I wonder how it'd feel if it knew how useless that was, with you wasting that life here-" His smile grows even wider with each word.

“It’s not like I came here intentionally!” The nindroid snaps, glaring sharply. Does this brat seriously think he can shift the blame onto Cryptor? He’s not stupid.

"And yet the result is the same," he sighs in annoyance. Then, his eyes light up. A terribly unsettling shine, like the sparks of a match before a forest fire. "Oh, I wonder how Martha would like another test subject soon!"

Cryptor feels himself tense up.“Don’t.” He growls out.

The blond doesn't even seem fazed by his threats. "What if we released you in its place? We don't really need three subjects," he admits.

Cryptor feels unease take over him. He- he wouldn’t want Sentry to be stuck here- never in a million years- and he knows that any promise of freedom is a lie, but he… he doesn’t want to be stuck here anymore. He doesn’t want to be hurt anymore.

“I…” He trails off for a moment before managing to continue. “…that… you can’t…”

"Is the heartless and snarky General growing a liking to someone other than itself? Now that's interesting." He sounds amused again. It's really all just a sick game to him.

“Don’t. You can’t just…” Cryptor grits his teeth. “I- I have emotions. You should know this by now. But just because I feel things doesn’t mean I’m attached like that.”

"Then you shouldn't mind if Sentry went missing for a few days." The boy eyes him from the side. "I mean, you don't like it like that, anyways."

He gives his best passive-aggressive smile- or he tries to, before silently cursing at his lack of a faceplate.“You can have friends without romance. Also, fuck you.”

A sharp snicker escapes Kyle. "Always a pleasure talking to you, asshole." He breathes out, then stretches a little. "Anyways… I'm gonna go meet it- uh, him."

Sudden panic washes over him as he stares at the blond. “Don’t- you- you can’t bring him here! Don’t you dare touch him!” He snarls out.

Kyle’s signature psychopathic expression appears on his face. "Oh but I can, I will and I'll dare if it elicits this type of fun reactions out of you." He laughs before heading for the exit. "Bye, don't miss me too much!" He says mockingly, dramatically blowing him a kiss.

“Hey!” Cryptor shouts after him, mind racing as he struggles to figure out what in the name of the FSM he could possibly do in this situation. “Hey, you- come back here! You can’t-“

The voice becomes less and less audible. He can barely make out what the brat yells at him from the hallway. "I'm not listening! I can't hear you anymore! I'm under a tunnel or whatever-"

“No, I- you can’t- that’s not…” Cryptor hesitates as he realizes what he has to do. The only thing he can do that even stands a chance of working.

“I- Master, please! Hurt me! Leave him alone!”

A pause.

Then sounds of running footsteps echoing in the empty spaces get closer. Kyle's head appears at the entrance, a shiny smile on his face. "You called?"

Cryptor struggles to hold onto his pride, to his dignity- but he can’t. He can’t let Sentry get hurt.

“I… M- Master, please, don’t hurt him. Hurt- hurt me instead.” The words are breathed out softly; Cryptor being unable to hold onto his cocky facade. If he had tear ducts, his eyes would likely be watering.

A soft smile replaces the boy's previous expression. He seems… satisfied. That's a first. "Well, I can't say no to you when you beg like that." His finger lightly tapping on his cheek shows he's thinking as he slowly speaks. "And the looming threat of it getting hurt is enough pain on its own for you today, I suppose…"

“I… look, whatever you want.” Cryptor gives in, hating himself for it. “Just… don’t hurt him.”

"Behave and I'll think about it." Kyle's tone is hard, but not mean like before. It looks like he calmed down a little.

“I- I can’t… I…” He’s trembling, he’s shaking so much, but he looks down, admitting defeat. But still, his voice is nothing more than a whisper as he does. “I’ll… I’ll behave.” He breathes out weakly, hating the way he’s forced to let the brat win.

"Good. It'll be safe for as long as you don't cause trouble, alright?" The blond bends down to Cryptor's level, hostility seemingly gone for now. "I kinda like it. Don't make me hurt it."

Cryptor can’t bring himself to look him in the eyes. “I… I won’t cause trouble.” He whispers. “Just… just don’t hurt him.”

Kyle’s laughter is gentle, but it still stings.

They’ve figured out how to get to him, figured out his weakness.

Cryptor feels himself trembling, on the brink of beginning to cry.

He knows that they’ll use this against him. He knows that they’ll use this to break him.

But for Sentry…

He’s willing to break.

[eyrieofsynapses]

so today I just watched the first episode of Almost Paradise! And I’ve gotta say, I am impressed. I already had it on my watchlist but I was planning to wait to watch it for a while until I could let Eliot fade a bit from memory, just so I wouldn’t automatically think of him while watching Kane. But I ran into an article this weekend about how it was filmed in the Philippines and the details of that, and my curiosity was piqued considerably more, so I figured... why not? 

(I also started White Collar this weekend and that was very enjoyable, but that’s a post for another day.) 

Anyway, my brain’s buzzing now, so have some first impressions and reactions, plus initial meta-analysis because I am intrigued. In hindsight I probably should have recorded first impressions while I was watching, but I’ll do my best to remember the bits that stuck out. Warning for... exceedingly long post.

ooo, okay, so he’s got a medical condition. I faaaaintly remember reading about this in the summary but I didn’t pay much attention to that, oops.

telling a guy played by Chris Kane not to get his heartrate up! that’s definitely gonna happen. definitely. one hundred percent. not like this guy loves fighting or anything

(also tbh the joke about, ah, sexual dysfunction admittedly left a sour taste in my mouth, because I do not go for that kind of thing, but... this is Devlin and Kane, so I’m trusting, based off Leverage experience, that they aren’t gonna be too inappropriate. [In hindsight there are actually interesting meta reasons for this so the sour taste has dissipated somewhat.])

this poor doctor. she’s so done with him. 

...he’s definitely not gonna pay attention to the monitor is he

that journal’s gonna get zero use oop

(I was duly impressed when he actually did use it later)

huh, liking how we immediately dive into the effect tourism has had on the Philippines. so we’re getting some commentary here too? I can deal with that

...wow. bad shop. eek

I’m sorry but I am loving the touch with the floorboards and such breaking beneath Alex. the look on his face is just perfect

and the monitor goes off! for tbh the last reason I expected it to first go off for, excellent 

MOTORCYLE? did they give him a motorcycle?!

awww no it’s the baddies who have the motorcycle :(

hmm this should be interesting. loving the look of this leader guy tho

--aaaand good asthetic guy is dead! with an ice pick! creepy and creative! 

bar. no way this could go wrong

internal battle! understandable that Alex wants out, buuuuuuut if he’s anything like I suspect he is--

--yup, picking a fight, with a damn pool cue--

--not picking a fight?

...picking a fight. by being friendly. *sigh*

yuuuuuuuup. that’s definitely good for your heart

badass fighting scene! with a pool cue, that’s a new one! love seeing Kane take ordinary objects and turn them into fighting tools

(ngl this had Eliot vibes. that said I am thrilled to see how damn good these fight scenes are and this is making me even more excited for Redemption)

aaaaaaaaaand oh fuck this was a police setup. which. I actually did not see coming, huh

ahahah they’re pissed! because he messed up their bust? or because he just saved their asses? 

...probably technically the former but I suspect the latter is also true

refusing to get Involved being foreshadowed by his indecision earlier! of course he’s going to get Involved anyway, only question is how

“hitter” I SEE YOU. I SEE YOU AND YOUR REFERENCES. I SEE YOU DEVLIN AND KANE

pfffffffffffFFFFFT the meditation, oh gods

that voice. oh Alex. 

I genuinely cannot tell if this is him actually trying or if this is him begrudgingly making an attempt because he has to

lacquering(?) the doors, which, hey, actually look pretty nice--this place is gonna look good when it’s done isn’t iii--

oh fuck Alex is being attacked

(this is definitely something to be concerned about. yes. totally. not like we haven’t already seen him take down a bunch of guys.)

with a garrot! this is definitely totally not how he’s gonna get Involved

oh my gods the detail with the paint. nothing says Competent like getting irritated at how the baddie interrupted your house restoration

hehehehe Involved

oooh, hmm, he thinks they sent the guy after him? what kind of corruption has Alex faced? I mean it’s not an unreasonable fear, but jeez, it sounds like this has happened to him before. doesn’t say much good about the DEA...

huh, this is a level of disturbed I haven’t seen from Kane before. which, granted, I have only seen him in Leverage, but I’ve never seen him pull this out before. the voice crack is an excellent touch

also, worth noting, Alex is definitely a notable level of... hmm, paranoid? this is just a tad bit frantic, though that’s understandable from a guy who almost got killed while in the middle of an attempted meditation

oh god being cocky in the middle of a briefing. poor Kai 

--being cocky and competence porn! of course he takes the watch and turns it into a lesson

...he must be a hell of a teacher

(also, bonus points for actually using the journal. maybe he’s taking this health thing more seriously than I thought he would?)

may I repeat: COMPETENCE PORN

uh-huh, you’re so not involved, definitely, Alex, not like you’re gonna get pulled straight into this or anything

Ernesto is just watching to see how things play out, Kai is... trying to do things the right way, and Alex...

...Alex gives precisely zero fucks. buddy you are so not subtle

right, walking straight into the lion’s den! radiating confidence! terrifying

this is a disturbing level of truth he’s sharing for this lie. I mean, best lies are crafted from truth, but... jeez

hm. so is Alex also a “I don’t like guns” type guy? 

(probably not for the same reasons as Eliot doesn’t [his is definitely more in the “they make it too easy to kill” department whereas I would guess Alex has either more tactical or PTSD reasons], but, hmm. this is something to watch for)

(did they know they were bringing back Leverage when they set up Almost Paradise? I’m genuinely wondering if they didn’t write some Eliot traits into Alex specifically bc they knew Kane missed playing him)

this is a fantastically confident level of grifting--what exactly did he do in the DEA, precisely?

...ah. cool asthetic guy. stuffed in the freezer. gotta admit, I definitely didn’t see that one coming. creepy! 

(and it looks like you actually managed to shake Alex a little, hah)

aaaaaand in the meantime we have Kai following his advice! in an... interesting way. hm. 

(surprisingly this does not annoy me that much in hindsight. not sure why)

and understandably, this does not go over well! except, oh, fuck, DEA guy. this ain’t gonna be good

...worse. worse than I thought. what happened to you, Alex? former partner? whaaat

“attacks”? 

this gonna be the typical “traumatized white dude has Anger Attacks” type thing? 

honestly I immediately went “probably not” given how it was handled in Leverage. wasn’t sure though. but that does leave the question of what sort of attacks? it doesn’t seem like it’d be meltdowns, so what does that leave? 

hmmm. DEA guy is an Ass. we Do Not Like him. I’ve known Alex for less than half an hour but you do not do that to him. you do not use trauma against your guy, Jerkface. 

cutting a deal? this should be interesting

...well shit. I. am sincerely hoping Kai isn’t about to walk in on anything too bad

this definitely isn’t gonna be a fight though, that I called right off the bat

--bottles. dammit

oh, Christ. attempted OD or just drunk?

just drunk! good! well, very Not Good, but better than the other thing

pffffft dunking him in the water and then him going straight back to the water when he sees her, that is both absolutely hilarious and deeply concerning

aaand I’m agreeing with Kai but also, poor guy just got confronted with a hell of a lot of things that would raise his trau--

...mm. yeah. that’d be it. 

...I. was. not expecting that much backstory info straight off. holy cow, Alex. that is. messed up. someone get this man a hug

“one of the guys that cared too much”

(...like you?)

(or is that why you won’t let yourself care now?)

fuck, there was a lot more to that boat scene than I thought. ow

partner who betrayed him like that? I’m just. gods. 

Trust Issues is definitely gonna be a Thing isn’t it

can we just take a second to appreciate how Christian Kane is playing the absolute hell out of this character

aaaand Kai brings him back to the city for a Heartwarming Reminder of why he was in the game! this is very tropey but it is, as John Rogers has pointed out, an instance of the “well-worn writing tool” rather than feeling cheesy! 

holy crap Kai has lost. a lot of people. oh man

ahahahaha classic “why did you bring me here?” line! you know why, Alex. you know why

oh, and Ernesto gets a chance to help him out! I’m already enjoying this so much

awww and Kai shows up to help encourage him! with coffee! supportive friend and very obvious but honestly okay love interest! good!!!

(what the heck is with Devlin and his crew and sticking Kane with two besties? based on Ernesto’s dynamic with him I’m guessing this isn’t gonna be an OT3 but. I am loving the trend)

“I’m gonna regret this in the morning” pfft

huh, working with the DEA agents. not like he’s gonna go off script or anything. that’s totally not gonna happen is it

hehe irritated look while they’re putting on the mic. he is so very unimpressed

--”little episodes”--episodes? 

moment of appreciation for the un-forced-feeling diversity in these police squads

“how’s the anxiety?” I’m sorry what

hold up, when we say “episodes”--are we talking panic attacks? does Alex have actual goddamn anxiety? 

...actually with PTSD? that would make complete sense. I am... intrigued. I am really hoping that that’s the case, actually, because having seen how well they handled Parker and her PTSD in Leverage (as well as Nate’s and Eliot’s) I have a lot of faith that they could pull that off really well, actually. That would be good. 

ppFFFT TAKING OFF THE WIRES RIGHT OFF THE BAT

wait what. you’re telling them everything? what’s your game here? 

“get that frikkin gun outta my face!” yup, not a fan of guns! no disarming though? huh

(also can we just. appreciate how Kane manages to make “frikkin” sound just as much like the cuss it’s replacing?)

(LET ALEX SAY FUCK)

oh. OH

hi Ernesto! hi Kai! I see what y’all doing

ohhhhhhhhhh Alex you goddamn genius. Getting rid of all of the drugs so there’s no way the precise thing he was claiming to be doing can happen. I like this

THE MEDITATION COMING ON ON THE RECORDING I CAN’T--OH MY GODS

Alex please tell me you know how to disarm a gun. please. guns are not effective at that distance

OH. OH I DID NOT SEE KAI COMING. 

got ‘em! murder confession, how did I not see that coming? good stuff

Kai can fight! 

KAI CAN FUCKING FIGHT WOW

I am very much appreciating Kai right now

also is that a FLYING KICK from Ernesto?

they better give these people more fight scenes

aaaaand straight into the water, oh god. I’m assuming this was a choice made because Alex is familiar with this territory? ...I do not think I want to know where Alex learned to fight underwater.

(I really really really want to know.) 

how the fuck has your monitor not gone off by now Alex

choking him out underwater, okay, wow 

what size are your lungs? this is long

extra kudos for excellent underwater filming and wow I am hoping the actors actually came up for air

(this is also unreasonably beautiful for a scene where you’re choking out a drug lord. the water is so pretty)

Evil DEA guy (no I am not going to learn his name, he doesn’t deserve it) is gonna be Alex’s Agent Sterling, isn’t he? this should be interesting

heh, police chief is taking his side! good stuff, good stuff

(it is very nice to see Alex getting some people in his corner after knowing what hell the DEA put him through)

Alex has fallen so damn hard for Kai. this is very very adorable actually

awww he’s really getting into fixing up the shop, isn’t he? I’m sincerely looking forward to seeing how he gets this up and going, it really looks like he’s enjoying himself

somehow I am starting to wonder if the cocky “oh yeah I’m opening up a gift shop how exciting huh” thing at the start wasn’t... actually genuine. he... is enjoying this, isn’t he? good. very good

I am unreasonably invested in this man’s wellbeing for one episode in

!!!!!!!!! HE GETS HIS PARADE

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

giving him his reason to keep going! yes! yessss

oh Alex you are attached now. you are very attached. good luck my dude and don’t let the trust issues get in the way

this is a good show. this is a heckin awesome show. 

also, side note, it is SO PRETTY

I am just loving loving loving all of the scenery. competence porn AND landscape and city porn. beautiful. perfection. excellent

...that was. much longer than I anticipated oops 

anyway, conclusion: hot damn this is a fun show! I am very excited to keep watching this. Alex officially has my heart, even if he’s a bit of a cocky bastard sometimes. Kane is fucking hilarious. (More reasons to be excited for Redemption!) Kai and Ernesto also have my heart, and I am extremely interested to see their character development. 

Honestly, the beauty is surprising. I didn’t expect to just enjoy how pretty it is. The blues of the ocean, the intense tropical colors, even the run-down gift shop--there’s such a gorgeous aesthetic to it all. If I wasn’t already invested in the characters and plot, I’d be invested for that alone. 

So... I have some thoughts on Alex and the show structure.

He’s obviously very disillusioned. There’s a lot of nods to the idea of war--he’s commonly referring to himself as a soldier, as a veteran, maybe as a casualty. I’m gonna take a totally wild guess here and say this show is going to be focused on the drug issues in the Philippines. (Wow, Synapse, how the heck’d you guess that?) I do find describing the war on drugs as a war, and going into the terminology that comes with it, very appropriate, and I like how this show is actively calling this to attention rather than using it as a convenient plot. They’re actually addressing the issue and discussing its impact. And given how overlooked certain aspects of the impact of the drug war on the Philippines is, this is a good choice, especially in order to alert American viewers to the issue. I’m curious to see how they handle that.

Again, interesting drawing parallels to war, too, and comparing it against the likes of WWI and Vietnam. It really gives that sense of weight to the issue and defines a vital aspect of it: the impact of the war on drugs on the people involved. It emphasizes that the people who are fighting it suffer consequences and PTSD just as a soldier in the field does, and it also emphasizes, with Kai, that it isn’t just the people actively fighting who bear the consequences. It’s also the people on the sidelines--it’s the families, the people on the streets by the gunfights, the economical impact, etcetera. 

But there’s also an element to Alex’s character that automatically makes him relatable to a lot of people... and it has nothing to do with the PTSD, nothing to do with the war on drugs, nothing really to do with the main issues. It is, simply, the intense hopelessness and depression that comes with trying to make a difference. In his case it’s making a difference on a severe worldwide issue. But the vast majority, if not all, of Almost Paradise’s audience should be able to relate to a feeling of never doing enough. And there’s certainly a large section of that group who can relate to being part of a fight that never seems to end. Doesn’t matter what you’re doing--if it’s driven at helping, it rarely ever feels like you ever do enough. But the advice given is excellent. One of the best things to do, when you’re feeling hopeless over this, is to focus on and take deep joy in the impact you do make. 

Alex is an expression of a frustration that a lot of people deal with. This, I think, is one of the reasons why he instantly drew me--and presumably the rest of the audience--in (outside of a fantastic actor and great humor). He’s relatable. He’s something that most people can see a part of themselves in. 

Anyway, symbolism and real-world talk aside, this is just... fun. It’s genuine fun. We’re covering rough issues, but there’s a lot of well-written tropes in here too that are written in that way that makes them enjoyable to relive rather than painful. The humor is delightful and plentiful. There’s a lot of beautiful feel-good moments. I’m suspecting this’ll be a comfort show, and I am perfectly all right with that. 

Onto the next episode!

[onlyhereforangst]

2020 IN WRITING

tagged by @indestinatus 💕

tagging whoever wants to go thru this journey with me & see their accomplishments in this terrible terrible year!

1. List of works published this year:

Oh god there’s a lot, like 70 total in just 2020. I’ll try to categorize them so this doesn’t get too long 😅but here’s a cut for aesthetic on your dash.

Sequels/Partner Fics: Risk It All (for @hellokaelyn), Finally Home (to Come Back), They Always Do & Could She?, Lucky Day & Completely Yours, Fiery Trance (Two Can Play series), Obsessed (Particular Taste), Soul (to Ignited)

Smut: My Turn (sequel to My Pleasure), Worth It, Maybe We Should, Make it a Double (also a fic request), Shall We (AU)

Fic Requests: Coffee Run, Hold Still, Typical, Deal, Needed It, I’m Home, For Science, Cry Me A River, From Your Dreams (AU), Crystal Clear, Tempt Me, Your Fault, Prove It, Silent Proclamation, A Hundred Suns (angst smut), Duly Noted

Stand Alones: No More, Never Let Her Go, Life is Fragile, Pandemics & Peach Drinks, To Need and Be Needed, Never Let Go, Coming Home, Priceless, Behind The Mask, Need a Hand?

Angst: My Daisy, Status Quo, Can I Stay, I Refuse, Deal

Series/Multi-chaptered: Back Off (Better Apart, Missed The Mark, Change Her Mind, But You Do, Layered Love), Electrified (Don’t Stop (Senorita)), Here By Faith, Forgive & Forget, Angstober ‘20 (Never Has & Never Will, Only In My Head, Long, Long Gone, Do Something, Take Care, Waiting to Burn, Survive the Hell, Find Her, Never Ended Well, At All Costs, One Thing Right, Stay Away, Echoed Back, Smart Man, Not Interested, Flake Again, Release, Slipping Away)

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

Here By Faith mainly because of the topic. Pregnancy & Infant loss has been such a taboo topic for so long and something I have personal experience with so writing this was very therapeutic. 

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

Shall We and only because I truly wanted way more plot in this and it turned out to be essentially just straight smut with a tiny bit of plot. But it is what it is 🤷🏻‍♀️

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

Ok I had 70 fics to choose from not breaking down chapters so I’m sure I’m missing something, BUT I do love - omg typing this out I realized it’s from a fic in 2019 so I can’t use iiiiiit 😩 ok so here’s a couple excerpts. I loved typing out this stream of conscious partner fics (They Always Do & Could She?):

They Always Do:

Yet this time, this time she didn’t have the chance to rebuild. Like a Trojan horse, he waltzed right up to her and slowly dismantled her defense. Joke by joke, smirk by smirk—Nick took each brick down with care. The worst part? It was so subtle, so thoughtfully done, she didn’t even notice it was happening. Didn’t see her chest being pried open, beating heart on display for him to see, and take. Never realized her greatest defenses were missing until it was too late.

That love- precious, fragile, delicate love- had managed to grow again. In her desolate, cold heart, Nick managed to bring to life an emotion she had long given up on. An emotion she was too afraid to ever feel again. Because with it came agony.

They leave, and you’re abandoned- picking up the pieces of a shattered heart.

When you love, you lose. Always.

Could She?:

But-

Even if that was love, even if he loved Ellie with his whole heart, his entire being. Was that enough? Was Nick enough? Was he deserving?

A resounding no clanged around his skull like a church bell in a Southern town on Sunday morning. He wanted to silence it, stop the shrill metal sound that started any time he pictured forever. Any time he truly thought he might deserve to love, even after all he’d done. After all the unimaginable things he’d done, the horrors he’d seen, the pain he’d caused. That bell sounded, loud and clear.

How did he deserve love when he couldn’t bear to love himself?

[...]

Could she love him despite all his misgivings? Could she love him even when he didn’t love himself? Could she love him when there was a risk he’d be taken from her too soon?

Could she?

Please love me.

But please be sure.

There’s been a couple of other inner monologues that I have absolutely loved (I like to think it’s semi my speciality? But maybe that’s super arrogant of myself?) but that’s a different post for another time.

5. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

I said it recently but I *love* when people pick out specific line(s) from my fic and choose to comment on those. More often than not it’s a line I was so proud of either prose-wise or foreshadowing-wise or whatever and I get literally giddy with excitement that someone not only noticed it but also loved it enough to comment on it 🥰but truly any kind of comment is dopamine-inducing 😉

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

As some people may have noticed (& maybe not because I did still semi-run the other main ellick blog despite it) I was somewhat absent for most of the summer/fall. I struggled for the first time in my life with mental health issues, borderline depression after being in a shit work environment, an essential worker with a company that claimed to “care” about us, a community that I once loved but showed their true colors in the midst of the pandemic & election, add in a rough pregnancy & it was a recipe for disaster. I didn’t want to even move from the couch most days let alone write. 

7. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

I had a lot of fun writing short excerpts from different characters’ perspectives (Jimmy, Kasie, McGee & Gibbs) in my Angstober series & honestly wouldn’t mind doing that again!

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

Honestly not sure, I think I’ve just generally grown as a writer - better descriptions & descriptors, better dialogue, better plots. But that could all be me seeing things 😂

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

I’d love to look into writing more seriously. My husband is convinced I could write an episode script or a novel, so I may look into trying my hand at that (even though I feel I’d be god-awful at it 😅)

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

Hmmmm I always appreciate the support I’ve gotten from the ellick fandom despite it being rough this year for us, wonderful people like @erinchristmaselvis, @thekeyboardninja, @hellokaelyn & @wanna-be-bold are always there to either hear me vent or cheer me on ☺️

11. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

Haaaaah yes. Lots of it (but I bet you can’t tell because I only add mini snippets so have fun finding those easter eggs 😏)

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

Always, always, always write for YOU. Not for anyone else, the kudos, hits, comments, none of it. Write for YOU. And I say this as a reminder to myself as well, it’s so hard to get bogged down in that dopamine-induced craze we search for in recognition but it’s so important to not externally validate yourself rather internally validate yourself on baby steps of growth & accomplishment. 

13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

LOL how about all my WIPs? All of those stories I started forever ago that people call me out on not finishing months later when I swear they’ve forgotten about them 😬

14. If you could recommend only one work from yourself published this year:

Hmmmm lemme pick one from each category because I’m indecisive 😉

Sequel/Partner Fics: Lucky Day & Completely Yours (the aaaaangst)

Smut: a tie between Maybe We Should & Make it a Double

Fic Request: A Hundred Suns (because I love me some angst smut)

Stand Alones: Pandemics & Peach Drinks (hahahaha because this was in an Insider news article at the start of the pandemic hahaha so on brand #2020)

Angst: My Daisy (I looooooove this one, but also all of the angst category lol)

Series/Multi-chaptered: literally not one of these is finished and they’re all heavy angst so take your pick 😂

15. Year word count: 103,050 in 2020 which seems like so little 😅

Here’s to 2021 being the year I finish WIPs! she says knowing she’s lying

[makeyourchoices]

HELLO... I LOVE YOU SO MUCH... PLS... PLS CAN I HAVE.. EVAN.. HERMAN... KAZAN... BICHAEL... THE BEEFY BOI SQUAD... WITH A SHORT, KINDA FRAGILE S/O WHO JUST.. THEY BABY.. LET THEM SLEEP AND HELP THEM REACH HIGH THINGS

Your wish is my command I am down for this entirely.

Beefy Boi Squad ™ with a short/fragile s/o

Evan

At first, Evan probably has a bit of a difficult time interacting with someone who’s more on the fragile side.

That’s not to say he hates it by any means! Due to how he was raised and his family situation though, someone being fragile was frowned upon. Kindness itself was frowned upon, and so he finds it difficult to ease up with someone who seems so opposite on the spectrum.

Eventually though, he learns. Perhaps it was the past memories being slowly dragged to the surface, or perhaps it was just his internalized adoration for his s/o that made him crave something softer.

He’s subtle about that though. Where he used to shy away from things that would have made him seem weak in the eyes of his father so long ago, he begins to grow more accepting with small actions.

Fall asleep while he’s working? He’ll pull you into his lap - you’re small enough in comparison to him that he can still use his hands to work with his traps without you being in the way. (Of course, if you wake up during this, don’t comment on it - he will only insist it’s so you don’t get sick in the cold of the estate and nothing more.)

Can’t reach something? Well, he’d probably find it a bit cute, honestly. There’s a lot of things he keeps high up around the estate - both because he doesn’t want anyone messing with them along with the fact once you started to visit him, he knew he had to be a bit more… careful. He knew injuries were healed up after trials, but he didn’t quite want to test what happened if you got seriously hurt outside trials. 

Regardless, due to him finding your struggles a bit cute, he’d often wait out helping you. He would eventually help you, yes, but not until you practically begged him to stop subtly smirking at you.

You being on the more fragile side also leads to some very strict protection from him. He wouldn’t be able to admit it freely, but he genuinely hates the idea of anything happening to you that he could have prevented. He’s had enough hardship in his life - hardship that made him into who he was today. He wouldn’t want anything to harm or taint you, and he will protect what he sees as a sweet innocence fiercely. 

Herman

Herman absolutely vibes with having an s/o so much smaller than him, for a multitude of reasons.

First off, he finds it extremely entertaining. There is so much potential in his mind for testing the limits.

That’s not to say he’d ever harm you - the Entity no doubt had to suppress some of his urges from the past when brought into the fog. After all, if Herman acted up outside trials, there wouldn’t be any trials for the Entity to feed off of, right? 

That doesn’t stop Herman from toying with you though. Just a little bit.

He would love getting a startled little yelp out of you when he catches you off guard with a bit of a zap down your spine if you grow too complacent around him.

As long as you don’t get in the way of his work too much though, he would never be able to get mad at you. This includes if you ask him for any help. Sometimes he’ll tease you a bit but ultimately he has no qualms in helping you out.

In the same respect, this man would especially appreciate any willingness to learn from you. Can’t reach one of the books that are high up on the shelves in his study? No teasing from him then, he will immediately get it for you all while casually telling you various things you’ll see in the book, offering to explain anything you may not understand entirely on your own.

He’s not a man who likes to sleep - sure, he could if he wanted to but in this realm it’s far from necessary for killers like him. If you want to sleep while he works though, he doesn’t mind. He will require most of the time that you sleep in one of the armchairs instead of his lap though, as he hates sitting still for too long.

(Don’t worry though, sometimes when he’s feeling particularly calm, he won’t mind you falling asleep in his lap. Sometimes you’ll wake up there, sometimes you’ll wake up in the chair or in one of the various beds scattered across the facility. It’s a toss up really.)

As a side note, you being more fragile will not make him more protective necessarily. Sure, he won’t let anything happen to you on his watch - but he doesn’t follow you around like a mother hen either. He believes you are smart and capable enough to take care of yourself or seek him out if you can’t.

Kazan

Out of all of these four, Kazan is actually the most likely to be helpful to you without complaint.

Despite his very dark past and his twisted mentality back then, he did have the best intentions in his mind. Not only that, but this man had a son, so long ago. He understands how to treat someone who’s smaller than him and more fragile.

(Which is a good thing considering most people are shorter and more fragile than him, let’s be honest.)

He may have been seen as a monster in the past, but with his s/o he’s actually the farthest thing from it. 

Kazan actually enjoys a quiet moment with you, and unlike some of the others he isn’t exactly afraid to show it. He’s still subtle, sure, but not out of the feeling of necessity. He’s just not quite as expressive.

When you visit him expect to be carried around a lot. The main reason is he likes holding onto you and it also makes it a bit easier with keeping up with him since… Well, you can’t not keep up if he’s literally carrying you. 

(He also internally worries about you tripping and getting hurt, since his realm is dark and filled with plants and stones. He just won’t say that so he doesn’t hurt your own pride, since he understands pride and honor well.)

He also tends to follow you around a lot more than the others, surprisingly. He may be an extremely powerful, intimidating Big Man ™ but that will not stop him from following you like a puppy.

A very large, very anger-prone guard puppy.

He also doesn’t usually grab things for you that you can’t reach. Why?

He prefers to just pick you up instead to let you grab it while he holds onto your waist. It reminds him of better times, before all the blood on his hands.

You will end up sleeping with him, a lot. When you do, you better hope he wakes up before you because there is no way you will get out of his arms until he wakes up. Not to mention, he is a very deep sleeper. Be prepared for some very long naps.

Michael

Michel is the least likely to be good at helping you out, to be blunt.

He never really required anyone’s help in the past - he was always something of a lone wolf and hated showing any form of vulnerability. Whenever he did, it was abused. So why should he care about someone else showing vulnerability unless he can put it to use against them?

However, that does not mean he will never help you. It just has to be on his own terms whether it’s from curiosity, amusement (however deeply hidden that may be), or the like. 

If you’re close enough to be his s/o, then he’s prone to helping you out regardless even if in his own… odd ways. 

Some things you may not even realize. Some of the killers who like to mess with survivors even outside trials (regardless of the lack of true threat in that moment) seem to never mess with you. You’ll never know why, but let’s be honest - Michael will not let anyone mess with you.

This man is, deep down, probably affection starved to some degree. This somewhat depends on which version of him you think of obviously as to how much.

Even so, he will never make that known. This man would hate showing vulnerability even if with just his s/o. 

You’d know though when he grabs at your wrist a certain way, pulling you with him wherever he wants to go that’s quieter.

Back on topic, you’d have to voice at times if he’s being too rough with grabbing onto you and pulling you wherever he wants to go. He doesn’t fully realize his own strength in comparison to yours, and if he harms you he’ll at least tone it down a bit.

Sure, he may be very backwards and like an angry old cat, but he can compromise.

Just do not tease him or comment on the rare occasions he allows himself to soften up for your sake, or the likelihood of it happening again is very slim.

[ethanramseyyy]

OPEN HEART : SECOND YEAR CHAPTER 8

SO. MUCH. HAPPENED. I say this every week but I genuinely think this chapter was the most fun to play. I literally had the biggest smile on my face the whole time I was playing it.

Let’s start from the beginning. The first scene reminded me so much of the first book when we spent basically everyday in the bar. I love that it felt like old times and that we got to spend some time with our friends and Elijah as I feel like we really haven’t seen him that much in this book so far. Also Bryce Stans I’m so happy for you! He finally appeared and you got a diamond scene with him and his sister. I didn’t play it but I’m sure it was amazing! I’m so glad that the diamond scenes have become more fair for everyone and I overall just thought this scene was so cute. I like that they talked about his struggles with his sister and that choices didn’t decide to leave that storyline just for the diamond scene after the festival a couple of chapters ago. I love love love that someone who isn’t necessarily a main character has gotten a large storyline.

I thought the little interaction with Aurora at the apartment was really nice and I think that it really showed how much our friendship has developed since the first book. Even though I didn’t buy the Bryce diamond scene I did buy the scene with the boys. And it was so worth the diamonds! The fact that we are slowly getting to know everyone’s backstories is literally amazing as that’s all we wanted from the first book. I’m so not surprised that Bryce was a surfer tbh but I was surprised that Raf was a jock. He striked me more as a quiet type but I guess not. When Elijah said that his coach wouldn’t let him try out for the team because of his chair I literally felt so heartbroken for him. I was seriously ready to kick his coach’s ass but obviously Elijah being the cutest most positive person ever he didn’t care about it. I love his character sooooo much, I honestly hope that we get to have more one to one scenes with him.

One of my favourite moments was when we asked Ethan to be on the team and his first response was ‘NO’. obviously! have you met Ethan Ramsey?! But all MC had to do was look at him and he said yes. It really goes to show that he will do anything for the one he loves. We got so much cute and heartwarming Ethan content today. I literally fall more and more in love with him everyday.

And then the game began. This reminded me so much of the baseball episode in Greys Anatomy. If you’ve watched that show then you will undertstand.I never expected Choices to do something like that in Open Heart but I’m SO glad that they did.

Landry. I can’t believe he had the nerve to even try and speak to us. I was a little bit glad that he decided to though just so we could shout at him again because I love doing that. And obviously Elijah and all our friends stuck up for us and shouted at him aswell. Our friendship group is honestly unbreakable. It’s crazy to think about how different it could have been if he didn’t stab us in the back. Anyway DROP DEAD LANDRY.

I had the BIGGEST smile on my face whilst playing through the game. It was honestly such a good idea. I’m also so glad that Zaid, Baz and Ines were there. We never really get to see Zaid or Ines now that we aren’t interns anymore so it was really nice to see them both. And Baz we all know is one of my favourite people because he’s so adorable so it was also really nice to see him. Zaids lack of enthusiasm and Ines apologising for getting overly aggressive really made me ship them even more. I just want to know if they are together.

I really don’t know what to think about the whole Aurora situation. My MC was quite angry with her and I don’t know if that was the best option. However, I do think it was a bit snakey of her to tell Dr Carrick about our patient because we told her as a friend not a doctor. But then I guess you could argue that she didn’t know that he would take our patient. I really don’t know but it’s going to be interesting seeing how everyone else reacts. I’m seriously not ready to be snaked out by another one of our best friends.

WE WON!!! I mean...duh. Do you really think that I would let Mass Kenmore win. I think not. As soon as I saw the diamond scene to get practise in to increase my chances of winning , I didn’t hesitate. I bought that scene just to see Tobias’ reactionwhen we won. I honestly hate that guy so much. But not as much as Declan Nash and we all know. I really wish we had gotten a picture of the group hug because that was so nice. And then we saw Ethan smiling at us. I don’t know about anyone else but anytime he smiles, I genuinely feel like my heart is melting. No just me. Ok cool. But their relationship is literally so cute. I have said it before but I love that it’s more of an actual relationship now and not just a ‘friends with benefits’ kind of thing. But we are still waiting for that 30 diamond scene. And I thought that today was going to be the day when he said we could go back to his place. But it wasn’t. Unfortunately.

WE FREAKING COOKED TOGETHER. We are actually married. No one can tell me otherwise. Just the thought of MC and Ethan cooking and Ethan teaching us how to cook whilst giving us the occasional smile. Literal heaven.

Choices have done such a good job with Ethans storyline. We were asking for his backstory for soooo long. And I’m so glad they waited because it’s been amazing!I love that MC was there to support him when him and his dad were trying to talk things out. And I’m glad that now MC is around, Ethan knows that he can open up to us and we will understand. I just loved it so much. It felt so genuine. I would add pictures of this moment but I have a 10 picture limit and i NEED to add pictures from the kiss. That’s the most important part.

This kiss was perfect. I just have so much love for this man. We know he’s in love with us and vice versa so why aren’t choices just giving us that 30 diamond scene. It would be much appreciated. Every single week, I’m like ‘this could be the week’. But then it’s not. I know we waited FOREVER to get a 30 diamond scene in the first book so I’m not surprised. And to be honest I am loving the suspense and suspiciousness around their relationship at the moment. But if not a 30 diamond scene what about a wedding, or a holiday together or a date. Just anything really.

I’m so undecided about who’s going to die. I think it may be Kyra but I was also CONVINCED it was Raf because they’ve been giving subtle hints with him throughout the entire book. I really don’t know! I really like Kyra and I hope she’s able to fight the cancer like she did the first time. But honestly I can’t decide if it’s going to be Rafael, Kyra or someone else completely. When she said that line in the picture below, I felt like crying. This death is going to be heartbreaking.

Sorry if I missed anything I tried to cover as much as I could but there was a lot in this chapter. I also found it abit weird that Dr Hirata wasn’t at the baseball game. Correct me if I’m wrong but it seemed to me that all the doctors we have interacted with were there except her. Maybe she was and I missed it. But anyway I also want to say I thought Bruce’s outfit for the game was so funny. I wouldn’t except anything less from him.

Open Heart 2 is really smashing it.

@playchoices

[amyscascadingtabs]

all the kingdom lights shined just for me and you

read on ao3

(jake's internal monologue in the scene™️ from manhunter. that's it.)

Amy doesn’t seem to agree with him about Brad Pitt being Jake’s natural replacement in the upcoming action movie he’s sure they’re going to make about today’s epic manhunt, and, frankly, it offends him a little. He’s gotten pretty buff lately, thanks to the occasional visit to the precinct gym and the fact that his best pizza place closed for renovations. Pitt would totally be the logical choice.

 But then she mentions another thing happening today, and he can tell she’s nervous. It’s in the higher tone of her voice, the way her expression turns all weighty like she’s confessing something, and she says the words I thought I might be pregnant and a multitude of thoughts fire through his head at once.

First, there’s shock. Out of all the things he might have expected her to say, pregnant was not among them. He feels guilty for it throwing him off like that, but he conceals it.

There’s not fear, exactly, but there’s a bit of apprehension. If she’s pregnant that means they’re doing this, no take-backs, and if they’re doing this, he has to be ready. Kids are definite, kids aren’t something you change your mind about if you as much as vaguely care about being a parent, and there are nervous butterflies in his stomach as he quickly puts his phone away.

 “Really?”

“Yeah. I’m not,” she assures him, saying the words in a rush before explaining about her period and the failed pregnancy test. It’s clearly the water’s fault, which, it should be obvious. Water ruins everything. He makes a joke to mask the odd feeling of disappointment he can’t explain even to himself, but she doesn’t play along, just reminds him of the actual matter at hand, which makes him shift into a worried mode. Whatever his feelings about this might be, hers are more important right now, and she doesn’t look sad but she looks let down in a sense that makes him wonder. He asks, and she launches into an explanation of how she was stressed, how it wouldn’t have agreed with the careful plan they’ve made, and then she says that it would’ve been crazy, right?

 It would be crazy. It would be absolutely insane. It would go against their official agreement of waiting another year, and they even wrote that down to have proof of the decision. A year is a long time, and he was sure it would be long enough for him to feel certain before they started trying. He thought he would have longer. He’s made massive strides of progress in his mental journey towards feeling like he might not completely ruin a child, but there’s still such a long list of things he doesn’t know if he’s ready for, just yet.

“It would have been,” he agrees, and she says okay in this voice that sounds of reluctant acceptance and awakens another stream of thoughts for him, one going in a very different direction.

 He’s accepted that maybe he’s always going to be that little bit scared of fatherhood, that his fear doesn’t have to be an entirely negative thing. Being scared means he cares about whether he fucks up or not and that distinction already sets him apart from Roger Peralta. He still wants to be ready, desperately doesn’t want to bring a child into this world if it’s not one-hundred percent wanted and welcomed.

 At the same time, the longer he goes, the more he sees that it doesn’t seem like anyone is ever fully ready to have kids. They met the newest Santiago baby a couple of weekends ago. Her parents looked like they hadn’t slept in months, and they still seemed fully mesmerized by their daughter. It was like they were zombies, but also fully in a trance, and they wouldn’t stop talking about how parenting was so different from what they thought it’d be and it was worse but it was also better.

 Recently, Jake’s had this new feeling washing over him at seemingly random times, and it’s unlike anything he’s ever felt but it’s not unpleasant. It happened when he watched Amy hold her youngest niece and the baby looked so at home in her arms, so right, that suddenly he was picturing her holding their future kid and getting emotional at the thought. It was there when it was his turn to hold her, too, although that was much more terrifying because Camila was giving him scrutinizing looks throughout. It’s come to him as he’s walked past a display of baby clothes while out shopping, making him wonder how small a pair of socks really can be, and whether it would be crazy of him to buy a pair now and save them. There are these moments when he sees a couple out walking with a stroller, and the thought of that being him and Amy doesn’t paralyze him with fear anymore. It makes him excited.

It doesn’t matter, because she’s not pregnant, but he realizes that if she’d said she was, he wouldn’t have panicked. He would have been happy, and it’s a novel kind of sensation but he likes it.

 “But also,” he says, speaking the words out loud which have been slowly taking shape inside his head for the last months, “might’ve been… kind of cool.”

“Honestly? I was secretly bummed when the test came back negative.”

 It’s a spontaneous thought, but at the same time, it’s not spontaneous at all. It’s been there for a while, growing on him with the persistence and security of something permanent, vaguely reminding him of the feeling he got that evening of April 28th, 2017, when he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Amy. It’s different, still containing a small dose of fear he’ll have to learn how to live with, but it’s safe and it’s unwavering and it keeps growing stronger.

 He shrugs, even though this is as far from casual as it gets, and then he asks,

“Should we just start trying?”

“Seriously?”

 He’s serious. Amy looks relieved, or maybe it’s surprise, maybe it’s a combination of the two. She laughs - that subtle little laugh, it’s one of the cutest things she does, he should tell her that more often - and then her hand is on his cheek and she’s kissing him something soft and light and yet with all the meaning of a thousand declarations of love.

 Her forehead rests against his for a second after, her nose softly rubbing against his, and he’s holding onto her wrist as she laughs again and he thinks, not for the first time, that his wife is magic.

 After the whole news fiasco, they cuddle. Even though he’s feeling pretty sorry for himself, because come on, he lets Amy be the little spoon since she’s on her period and she’s had a long day and also, he just really wants to hug her. The television stays on for a while, playing a segment about the weather on low volume.

 Jake wonders quietly to himself around which age their kids would be old enough to start watching cartoons. He imagines them creeping into their bed early on a Saturday morning, making space between him and Amy to make sure they're the center of attention before asking to turn on the TV. He knows kids shouldn't have too much screen time, but he could never tell them no if they wanted to watch Ninja Turtles with him. He also can't remember if you're supposed to allow your kids in your bed or not. He might be thinking of dogs. It doesn't matter, because Jake wouldn't be able to stop them. Most likely he’d be longing for a chance to snuggle them anyway, pepper their sweet little faces with kisses the way he does with Amy sometimes, until they started complaining.

Jake decides that his kids will always be welcome in their bed, and always be allowed to watch cartoons there. It feels right.

Amy turns off the television. They both turn out the light from the nightstands, and he hugs her even closer because she's warm and she smells good and god, he loves her so much. She's not pregnant, but maybe one day in the near future, she will be, and the thought makes him feel all warm inside.

 He brushes his hand over her stomach through her pink t-shirt. Someday soon, she'll be growing their child there, and one day, he’ll get to feel them kick underneath his hands. Maybe they’ll recognize his voice the way he's learned that babies can do already before they're born, or maybe he’ll play them Taylor Swift songs so they’re familiar with the greatest songwriter of all time at a young age. One day, and maybe it’s closer than he could guess, he’ll get to hold them in his arms for the very first time.

 He can't even picture what it will feel like, but he presses another kiss to Amy’s cheek before closing his eyes, and he knows he can’t wait to find out.

[millennial-star-gazer]

The Draconic Demon Within: Chapter 4: A Demon’s All-Consuming Rage

The Draconic Demon Within

Genres: Romance, Friendship/Family, Drama/Angst, Hurt/ Comfort, & New Adult Fanfiction

Vera's April 2018 Prompts: Soul, Empyrean, Savage, Memory, Trust, Fear, Unstoppable , Resilient, Supernatural (Implied) Lost (Implied) and Loathing.

Nalu Lovefest 2017 Prompts: Dreams

Nalu Week 2019 Prompts (Implied:) Lost, Curse, Trial, Treasure, Chance and possibly Bare.

Pairing: Nalu/EndLu,( Natsu x Lucy/ E.N.D. x Lucy)

Rating: M for language, steamy and mature adult sexual content (all consensual) in these and future chapters. Reader Direction is advised.(You have been warned!)

Summary: Now faced with the reality of who he is truly is, the son of Igneel must contend with the new darker instincts of his new demonic identity- all while navigating through his ever-growing, intense feelings for a particular celestial wizard. Originally a Submission (semi -au) for Nalu lovefest 2017 (on my previous celestialgeekmage account and now an entry for nalu week 2019 with chapter 3. (Also was on my earliest previous accounts of teamedwardjace/Twishadowhunter in the past. Also part of Vera's April 2018 prompt challenge from fic-writers appreciation on cosmicdragonwizard).

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Chapter 4: A Demon's All- Consuming Rage

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A/N: Hey guys, it's your girl back again with another installment of TTDW! Fun fact: Being temporarily off work for a few weeks due to pandemic has provided some extra free time to edit and posta new chapter for this fic ( which is on account of the temporary closures of public institutions, and public spaces along with non-essential businesses/services in Ontario-the Canadian province I'm from). This isn't to suggest I'm not without fear or concern about the pandemic or potential effects on global infrastructure but at least I'm mostly coping as best as anyone can at this time. Hope you guys are all too. ( A bit more on this in the A/N at the end of this chapter .) Anyway, hope that this chapter and my other fanfics along with those from amazing writers can help you all while stuck at home. All right, that's pretty much my whole spiel for now. Without further ado, here's Chapter 4 of TTDW-Enjoy! 

(Note: Scroll down past the read more button/cut for the  designated legend menu and actual story content).

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Disclaimer: Fairytail does not belong to me, but to the most honourable Hiro-sensei instead, for whom without this work of love wouldn't be possible. 

Read Previous Chapters of TDDW and on platforms here:

(Copy and paste the links into another  window if need be)

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Previous (Click Here:)  (or here: https://millennial-star-gazer.tumblr.com/post/185917542578/the-draconic-demon-within-chapter-3)

Next (Coming Soon:)

B. Fanfiction (Click Here:) (or here:  https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13113898/1/The-Draconic-Demon-Within-Reupload-from-cosmicdragonwizardaccounts)

C. A03 (Click Here:) (or here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17365061/chapters/40861307)

2. Ongoing Master  Post Of All My Writing (Click Here:) (or here: https://millennial-star-gazer.tumblr.com/post/179665258923/master-fic-rec-post)

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Legend:

Italic: Song Lyrics/Quotes (or flashback dialogue)

Bold: First Person Thoughts

Bolded Italics: Empathized, stylized Word(s) or bloodthirsty fantasies

Bolded Italics (Within and Outside Bracket) including for author's side notes also known as (A/N:) within brackets (though none for side-notes in this chapter ).

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"Your body is full of rage.

Every sinew. It is easy to read.

You speak volumes with a clenched fist."

( Paolo Bacigalupi: The Drowned Cities)

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"Seriously? Luce's alive?

That…. I can't...

A wave of overjoyed relief was washing over Natsu from the spectacular news about his best friend still breathing.

"Hear that Luce?!" He sobbed, not bothering to wipe the moisture from his eyes." You're alive and gonna be okay— Thank God! Really... don't ... know what I'd do without ya…," Scarlet-red eyes remained focused/trained on the face on the motionless angel in his arms.

"Pretty sure the guild and the rest of the people we know would be just as devastated if they lost such an incredible person and wizard . Glad you're okay either way though." Natsu's hands were stroking sweat-plastered strands of Lucy's hair back from her eyes with delicate care .

Really glad she's still in fact alive and kicking…

In that very moment , it was as if the world had fallen away; leaving just the two of them. Nothing else seemed to matter then . Not cold-blooded enemies in the room, or the recent battle just moments before; Not even E.n.d's unnerving metamorphosis. Just a dragon-demon and his most precious star with those subtle breaths, the visible rise and fall of her chest that somehow escaped any kind of major notice before.

Words can't even describe how relieved I am . Digits combed through Lucy's blonde tresses from crown to tip in a physical display of tender affection.

Hmm... Lucy's hair feels really nice. Natsu couldn't help but marvel at texture of her beneath his fingertips .Don't think I've ever stopped to fully appreciate it before .

"Gotta say that your hair feels really nice, Luce." Natsu voiced this innermost thoughts aloud; though his words were coming in soft. ."Smells real amazin' too."

Damn was the appealing fragrance of jasmine with a hint of cyclamen flooding his senses beyond intoxicating."like jasmine and that other flower we saw once— cyclamen, I think. . You've been using a new scented shampoo again, I see. Not that I'm complainin'."

"Psh—Listen to me" Natsu tacked on with a rueful chuckle that was still a bit thick from all that weeping before. " Gettin' all sentimental and crap. Hell... stripper would never even let me live it down if he heard . Still be damn proud of you though just like I am for how well you handled yourself in battle. Why don't we tell him all about it once you're awake and we're out of here?. Bet he'd like that . Till then, the two of us just need to sit tight and figure out our next move, okay?"

Wait ...

The fire demon's hands continued their fond movements- only for blood to freeze in his veins when noticing an unsightly contusion on Lucy's forehead; accented by a small gash just above her brow.

When did this happen? I swear those injuries hadn't there been seconds before .. .

Crimson eyes scanned his best friend's battered frame for further damage in alarm . My God... Natsu's breath caught in his throat at the sight of that line of discolorations on her legs . Not to mention all those scratches along with the small gash peeking out through the tattered remains of Lucy's Star dress .

"Oh Luce..." He sighed, remorseful voice breaking on her name. "Can see that you're in pretty rough shape right now. I'm so sorry. Honestly don't know how or why you had a delayed reaction to all the damage. But this wouldn't have happened if I only had grabbed you and run or got your spirits to transport you to their world, Hell— Maybe we could've both escaped and I could've helped kept you safe while figuring out this new demon form means for us together. Anyways, time to put pressure on your wound."

A hand tore a loose piece of fabric to apply pressure on the hemorrhaging wound. "See? You'll be okay . Gonnal get ya' all fixed up and good as new in no time ."

Damn Luce stills looks like an angel to me, Natsu mused in reverent admiration . Even with those injuries...

"Ooh- how cute!" Jackal's dervisie voice cut  through  the other demon’s reverie; whose arms automatically protectively tightened around Lucy's frame out of fierce instinct-automatic without a second though. Not to mention those two pair of eyes he could sense that set him on edge."

"Aw Damn." Jackal broke in again with a gleeful taunt that bordered on sadistic."That poor,pretty girl of you is covered in ugly bruises and scratches, Dragneel."

That little ...

Natsu's head automatically snapped around to meet Jackal with a baleful snarl. Damn was that all that black rage roaring in his veins all too consuming.

"There's that growling again" Jackal cackled, clearly unfazed at by the alpha demon's bared canines ." Bared fangs and what not. Such a shame what happened to Blondie here , or is it? You really did a number on her, huh Tempester?"

"Huh," Tempester mused, bland disinterest colouring his tone."it seems I did . Kind of forgot that my curses can sometimes have o delayed side effects on people . Who knows? That pathetic wrench might even have internal bleeding.

"You goddamned bastard!" The flame- eater raged, fury boiling over. "Lucy ain't pathetic or some kind of toy to play with ... God.. All those injuries… are you fault and . I swear that You're both gonna pay for what you did to her!"

"Oh-You think so?" Jackal scoffed with let out another infantilizing laugh —beyond infuriating .

"Someone's rattled." Tempster pointed out, listless eyes trained on the stone-brick wall ahead. "Unfortunate."

"You don't say," Jackal deadpanned, with a disdainful roll of the eyes ."But Seriously Though , E.N.D, do you even hear yourself? .I mean getting all riled up over a human girl in that way —talk about pathetic. Sure said girl is extremely beautiful with a killer bod and feisty personality to boot—I'll give you that. But is she worth losing your cool over or fraternizing with? I don't think so and neither should you . God knows all that pent up rage and aggression would be far more suited for another cause. Not to mention, you'd better off without her life tainting your judgement and hindering your full potential as the most powerful of all etherious. So let's resolve this, shall we? Hand over the celestial wizard and I'll gladly dispose of her for you . Sound good?"

" 'Sound good?'Sound Good?!’ Are you kidding me?"!

Good God did those last words only serve to incense the snarling dragon further.

" There's no way in hell I'm gonna give Lucy up or let either of you touch her!"

"Come on Dragneel-be reasonable."

"No-rot in hell!"

"Oh honestly E.N.D.-"

"My name is Natsu!"

"Well okay then, Natsu— Just calm down ." Jackal's couldn't seem to resist reprimanding the fire demon; as if he were some errant child pitching a fit ."You're being ridiculous. Anyways, tell you what. I promise to make her death as qui-"

"Shut up!"

" Quick and mostly painless..."

"I said shut up!" En.d's voice rose to an ear-splitting roar that could've struck terror into the hearts of the gods themselves. "Try anything on her and I swear I'll kill you!"

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To Be Continued

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A/N: Well that's Chapter 4 folks- hope you enjoyed! Now a bit more about the pandemic situation in Ontario . Like many other provinces and countries around the world,, the government of Ontario has opted to shut down/ temporarily close non-essential services, businesses, public spaces and institutions to help curb the spread of the virus for a few weeks (or more) before spring break. Such institutions include all schools and childcare centres/ services in those settings which applies to the childcare company I'm currently employed with. You know on account of most of their centres and programs being based in public schools. (Independently-run Daycares also remain closed. And yes i'm a ECE by trade for any who were wondering or didn't already). Schools and child cares were tentatively scheduled to reopen after April 5th; though the closures have been extended for another month (according to Doug Ford (the premier/leader of Ontario). Not ideal but at least it gives me some extra time for me to work on things alongside my writing(i.e editing upcoming chapters for fics and WIPS). All right folks, that's all I have to say on that subject.

As usual, please feel free to let me know what you think by leaving a comment/review , through a reblog or by any other means. Be sure to check out the rest of my writing while staying tuned for future updates of my fics and new projects along the way! (Links above, in the navigation and in bio If on tumblr . Also on fanfiction.) Anyway, take care and stay safe! Ta ta for now!

[anarchistgumball]

Kirichako

I was going to get this to 2,000 words but im tired- No warnings necessary 

words: 1,856

Pairing: Kirishima x Uraraka 

This is in my bakukami AU to which the first part will be here

The first time he really noticed her was her fight with Bakugo. She was determined, strong, and had wits; there was no doubt about it, even if she did end up losing. Uraraka had earned Bakugo’s respect and Kirishima’s admiration that day. After that he started trying to hang around her more. Getting ice cream with her group and when Bakugo wasn’t around to help him, he studied with her. They had a stable, fun friendship and that was good enough for Kirishima.

Kirishima’s affection for Uraraka grew after graduation however, and he spent nights thinking of her. He was planning on confiding in Bakugo, his flatmate, but while the other respected Uraraka he probably wouldn’t understand Kirishima’s crush. So he told Mina, and Sero, and then Kaminari found out- telling Bakugo. Bakugo just snorted saying how Kirishima ‘wasn’t subtle’, while the rest were eager to play matchmaker. 

“Come on, ask her out!!” Mina said, shaking his arm. “Any girl would be lucky to have you anyways!” 

“Yeah, you’re like perfect boyfriend material, dude” Kaminari added. Kirishima went red and scratched at the back of his neck. “I dont know guys….”

“C’mon Kiri you’re like, perfect” While Sero meant it he also just kind of wanted to embarrass the other. Which he succeeded at. Kirishima was now hiding his face in his hands, but they could see him smiling. 

“Guuuuyyyss”

“What? You know its true” Mina poked his head.  “Go ask her out, what could go wrong?”

“Everything”

Mina sighed, and kissed him on the forehead. “Well I have to go but call me when you stop being a drama queen”

“I have to go with her but seriously dude, just go for it” Sero said getting up and following Mina. Kaminari smiled at him telling him “I agree” Then went to the table to start on paperwork.

He was patrolling with her today. Fuck. Normally this would be great news, patrolling with one of his friends? Awesome. But with the development of his feelings he didn’t trust himself to not say something dumb. The first fifteen minutes Uraraka chalked up to tiredness, though Kirishima usually woke up at ungodly hours… 

“You okay Kiri? Something up?” Kirishima yawned, okay tiredness then she guessed. 

“Just tired” He confirmed “Didn’t go to bed until like twelve am”

“Hm, did something keep you up?”

“Yeah, I guess my thoughts did” Kirishima wished he was less tired so he would know how to steer away from this conversation.

“Wanna talk about it?” They were rounding into an ally now and after Uraraka’s eyes swept over the area she looked up at him. She looked like she cared, Kirishima practically felt his insides melt. 

“You’re really pretty” Dammit. Abort, abort. That didn’t even relate to what she asked, maybe he was picking up on some of Kaminari’s dumbass since the other moved in. 

“Oh what? Uh Thank you, Kirishima.” She smiled slightly, and blushed profusely. Her fingers came up to twirl around each other, out of embarrassment.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t….” Mean it? He did for one thing and didnt want to come across as a dick. 

“Ah no, I just wasn’t expecting it is all, you’re pretty too….”  She internally cursed herself, while Kirishima tried to not faint. 

“Thank you!” His smile was bright, and his stance seemed taller, more confident than before. She wanted to see him like that more.

“She called me pretty, Bakugo! Pretty! Me!” Kirishima was practically gushing about Uraraka to anyone who would listen. Unfortunately for Bakugo he was home. He just snorted. Kaminari entered their flat while Kirishima was pouting in Bakugo’s general direction. He threw his keys on the accent table and headed over to them.

“What’s up?”

“Bakugo’s being mean” 

“Ah what the heck, Baku, how could you be mean to this puffball” He circled around the counters to playfully punch Bakugo on the arm. The tips of his ears flushed, something you wouldn’t notice unless you’ve spent years living with him and just as long listening to him talk wistfully about Kaminari. Kirishima stifled a laugh. 

The blond chopping vegetables just grumbled “Kirishima won’t stop fucking fawning over Round Face”

Kaminari turned to face him “So did something happen? Did you man up and ask her out?”

“No… but she called me pretty!” Kirishima was smiling again, head up in the clouds. Kaminari smiled, but looked sad? Shit. Kirishima should really think. His own grin dimmed seeing Kaminari. 

“Sorry, kami…. I wasn’t…”

“No, it’s fine dude, get your girl”

“I just-” He honestly didn’t know what to say for, like, the gazillionth time that day. Kaminari had just been cheated on and here he was flaunting how he might be getting somewhere with the girl he liked! Was he getting somewhere?

“I get it man, it’s not like you can control your feelings- the only reason i’d care is if you liked Jiro” 

Kirishima supposed he had wanted it to sound light and joking when it mostly just came off ... depressing.  Bakugo was silent, probably unknowing of how to help the situation and not really liking to talk about Kaminari’s feelings for Jiro. For more than one reason.

“Hey, Kirishima!!” Uraraka said, waving.

Kirishima looked up from his paperwork, which if he was being honest, he didn’t want to do. 

“Oh! Hey, Uraraka!” He smiled at her.

“I was wondering if you would want to go to the gym with me at some point? Deku has his schedule filled to the brim again” She laughed a little, shaking her head. The dude did need to take more breaks, even if he was the number one hero. 

“Uh, yeah, I would love to! What day works best for you? I’m open after five everyday this week, unless, y’know, an emergency.”

“Maybe Thursday? At 6:30?” She was twirling her hair around her finger. It was cute.

“Yeah, sounds great” He grinned at her and she brightened considerably, unless it was just him thinking that.

“Well I’ll let you get back to work now” He groaned.

“How could you leave me, Uraraka? I’m going to drown in this paperwork or die of boredom! Do you want me dead?” She giggled. 

“What if I did” She said playfully, he gasped, dramatically placing one of his hands against his chest. 

“You wound me” She laughed while walking out.

“I’ll see you later, Kiri!” 

It was Thursday, and he was on the phone with Mina. They were both freaking out over what Kirishima was going to wear to his “date”.  They were apparently too loud and an angry Bakugo joined them.

“What the hell are you guys yelling about?!” Bakugo, very appropriately, yelled. 

“What Kiri’s going to wear to his very, very important date with Uraraka!!” Mina said, speech semi garbled from the shirt covering Kirishima’s phone.

“Did he finally manage to fuckin’ ask her out?” Ignoring Kirishima to talk to Mina.

“No, but she asked him…. Well kind of…”

“The hell you mean?” 

“Well she asked to train with him, alone!”

“...Okay?”  Bakugo looked perplexed, brows furrowed. 

“Well she obviously wants to spend more time with him, so it’s basically a date”

Bakugo scoffed. Then he turned to Kirishima.

“She’s seen you in work out gear before, idiot, just wear something.”

Kirishima rolled his eyes, Mina sighing loudly. 

“Ooooooh I have an actual good idea!” Mina said.

“Let’s here it” Kirishima was getting a little impatient, but still wanted to listen to his friends advice.

“You know that one gray tank top that shows off your ribs and shit? Wear that with like, your light pink gym shorts!”

“Yes! Mina thank you! I love you, but I need to go now”

“Okay, fill me in later!” 

The call ended and Bakugo got up and left, rolling his eyes. Once Kirishima was dressed in the outfit Mina picked he headed for the gym.

Kirishima was on the treadmill warming up when Uraraka arrived, she didn’t seem to notice him so he waved.

“Hey Uraraka, over here!” She noticed him, smiled and waved, walking over. She started stretch near where he was.

“So how was your day?” She asked, looking up at him.

“Boring, mostly. Paperwork and the like, but Mina took me out to lunch!”

“Oh awesome! Iida and Deku were both busy so i spent most of the day laying around” 

“Oh you should’ve said something, I can always make time for one of my bros!” Uraraka blushed, maybe. Maybe it was because she started running next to him. They ran for about twenty minutes, then did some other exercises. At almost the end she asked him if they could lift weights together. She laughed a little when explaining. “I thought you’d be the best because you know….” Kirishima cocked his head in confusion. She was definitely blushing now. “You’re just really strong and I thought you could maybe give me pointers?”

“Of course!” Kirishima flexed, always showing off when he had the chance. Compliments were always amazing, especially if they were from Uraraka. 

She had done thirty- five now struggling with the heavy barbell. Her whole face was red, Kirishima having to remind her to breathe multiple times, but determined. She lifted the bar over her head again with Kirishima encouraging her. She got to forty before she tried to put it back, Kirishima finally grabbing it and putting it back for her. She had her eyes closed, managing her breathing.

“That was amazing!”  She grinned at him, still laying down.

“My arms feel like noodles…. But I’m going to keep at it until I can beat you”

“Excuse me I am unbeatable, but seriously, that was manly as hell” He felt his ears burning wondering if he should’ve said something else. She sat up slowly.

“Thanks, for what it’s worth I think your manly as hell too” She stood, walked over to where he was and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. She left saying ‘see you later’ grabbing her bag on the way out. Kirishima was frozen, probably looking like a tomato. 

He called Mina, squealing on the phone about what happened with her. The next day he realized he’d have to see Uraraka and almost screamed into his pillow, thinking of what he was going to say. What the hell was he going to say?

Was he glowing? He felt like he was glowing. Bakugo seemed to scowl at him but maybe that was because he kept him up almost have the night. Once he got to work (after being stopped by a villian attack) he saw Uraraka. She was talking to Iida and Shinso. He walked over to them, getting a coffee while saying hello to everyone. 

“I had fun last night Kiri” Shinso raised an eyebrow but Kirishima answered the question he didn’t actually say out loud. 

“Yeah, we should really work out again sometime…. But before that you wanna go out with me to this new restaurant?” He grinned, hopeful. 

“I would love too” He hugged her grinning, probably too much, waving at the other two before heading back to his office to excitedly text  Mina.