#seriously don't hate yourself

[projectbluearcadia]

Just Mix Up And Down

[ Trigger Warning - Self-Hatred, implied s**cid*l tendencies You're not perfect, and you're only one person. People care about you.

Reader Discretion Advised ]

Lucifer: And?

Here we go...

Annelie: And what?

Lucifer hands Annelie a cutting board. 

Lucifer: You know what. 

Annelie: No idea what you’re talking about.

Annelie starts cutting vegetables while Lucifer restrains a mandragora root. 

Lucifer: Annelie, it’s not often that I see you genuinely angry. 

Annelie: ...the memories I have of Lizzy aren’t good ones. 

Annelie stops her knife. 

Annelie: Honestly, this is kind of a nightmare for me. She says something off-the-cuff, and I’m reminded of the phonecalls, that asshole that called himself her father, h-her desire to show me what she did to herself... 

Annelie starts shaking, her voice rising up and down. 

Annelie: I get so angry, and then I hate myself for getting angry at her because I’m supposed to be her friend. I was always listening, for years I was listening, and she was in so much pain all the time. I wanted to help her. I wanted to, but everything I ever did only seemed to make it worse, and I just... 

Tears spill from Annelie’s eyes. 

Annelie: What was I supposed to do? I was her anchor, and I couldn’t even return the love she had for me. I couldn’t even help her. I was powerless!

Lucifer rushes over to hug her.

Annelie: DON’T TOUCH ME! 

Lucifer flinches, and Satan, returning with fresh meat, stops in his tracks and drops it on the floor. 

Annelie: I’m... I’m a foul person. I pretend, and I pretend and I pretend some more that I care, but I don’t. I pretend that I’m some kind of saint that wants to save people, but if I really cared about her, she would have felt better. She wouldn’t have been the one begging for my attention. If I’d tried a little harder, I could have held her in my arms and kissed her and told her that everything would be okay. I couldn’t let go of myself for just one second for her. 

You fucking selfish bitch. You just wanted to get rid of her. Was it too much to handle for you? You think you’re such an exemplary human being when you’re the one that left her to die.

Satan: Annelie, I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about, but stop it. Lucifer’s close to breaking point. 

Annelie jolts as she looks at Lucifer, who seems as if he’s going to cry. Satan’s demon form starts to come out. 

Lucifer: ...I’m fine, Satan.

Satan: You’re clearly not. Neither of you are fine. I pretend to smile enough, so don’t treat me like an idiot. Annelie, there is no one in this goddamn house that thinks you’re a bad person, so stop crying before I or someone else kills that woman. If Lucifer starts crying in front of me, which I do not want to fucking see, you’d better make sure I don’t see her face in here again. I don’t care what her reasons are, because as far as I’m concerned, she’s an outsider and doesn’t belong here. 

Annelie: Satan...

They... all get so angry for my sake. If something hurts me, they always come running. No matter what. But... wouldn’t I do the same? In the end, for them, I...

Annelie sniffles and walks over to the two boys and hugs them both as tightly as she can. Satan blushes. 

Satan: Wait, woah, I just had my hands on raw meat—

Annelie: Oh, shut up. 

Annelie kisses his cheek before she kisses the corners of Lucifer’s eyes. 

Annelie: I’m sorry. I didn’t want to drag you into this mess. I’m just... It’s a lot for me. I don’t want to snap at her. 

Satan: Then take your own advice and take a deep breath. 

Annelie: Ass. 

Annelie fluffs Satan’s hair, and he swats at her. 

Annelie: I should start calling you Catan again. Haha. 

Lucifer: Are you flirting with Satan again?

Annelie: No, you jealous idiot. Besides, when he talks about BDSM play, he scares the shit out of me.

Satan: Eh? I do?

Annelie: I mean, Lucifer’s into some rough stuff, but he doesn't do anything too hard. I mean, he’s never, y’know, choked me until I passed out or put me in a cage and degraded me to oblivion... 

Lucifer: And why were you talking about Satan’s preferences?

Annelie: Ah, oh, we were reading Diabolic Lamb, and there’s a really abusive and horrifying relationship between one of the characters and their mother—

Lucifer: Stop, I read that one. Fine, I’ll give you a pass. 

Satan: I might like some... more rough things sometimes, but you’re just as bad with that NSFW ASMR obsession.

Lucifer: You’re into what now?

Annelie: Uhhh...

Satan: She didn’t tell you about that? I’ll be damned. 

Lucifer: Tell me about what? What’d she say to you, Satan?

Satan: Haha. Not telling. 

Lucifer: Annelie, what is that?

Annelie: Not telling...?

Mostly because it already drives me crazy when he uses my voice kink against me.

Lucifer: Okay, Karasu, what the flying hell is “NSFW ASMR”?

Karasu OS: ASMR stands for “autonomous sensory meridian response.” This is a subjective experience which some humans feel when their ears are stimulated by certain sounds, often described as a tingling or electric sensation. NSFW stands for Not Safe For—

Lucifer: Annelie, we’re going to have a talk after dinner. 

Annelie: Just a talk... right?

Satan: When is it ever just a talk with him?

Annelie: ;;;;

[uncanny-tranny]

Good news! You aren't required to make your hobbies and passions "marketable." In fact, your crafts, hobbies, and passions don't even need to be public if you so choose. You don't have to spend all of your energy becoming perfect if you aren't enjoying the process. You are not a product, you are a person, a creative, and your work also does not need to be a product.

[essektheylyss]

ngl, mentioning one of my hyperfixations does not necessarily activate my trap card. mentioning a book or media that I LOATHED, on the other hand,

[twilightarcade]

im constantly thinking about this always btw

[bandzboy]

there's this post going around on twitter of someone giving their opinion that idol's dance skills are the least important to them and that they are artists first and they don't hear the squeak of their feet on the track so why does it matter, which is something to also unpack in itself, but then someone quoted that tweet being like "idols... are...artists?" and.... i just can't help but stare because if this doesn't show how people don't take idols artistry and talent seriously and only see them as content and not people then i don't know what does.... so you are telling me this WHOLE TIME... you thought they couldn't be classified as real artists even tho they spend years and years training to debut and spend days practising for performances and recording and doing wtv else but you still THINK... they shouldn't be called artists like?? if you genuinely think that it means that you don't actually like the music they produce and the performances they do which also begs the question: if you don't like it... WHY TF ARE YOU HERE THEN??

[silencingspellsongs]

begging people to adopt the idgaf mindset i think if we all just developed a lil idgaf energy it would lead us to nirvana

[nervoustragedyluminary]

"I'm not like the other TMEs who [literal TERF/MRA/Conservative rhetoric talking points about 'afab' trans people shoehorned in with blaming them for all transmisogyny while shifting the blame off of cis people] I'm a true ally to trans women "

*proceeds to spend all their time harassing trans people online and not actually doing shit about transmisogyny exorsexism transandrophobia transphobia or misogyny.....

because they never gave a shit about transmisogyny in the first place beyond using its existence as a (transparent) shield to call other people hysterical trenders

[satedsaint]

just saw a post that pissed me off and i got to block them peacefully for saying stupid shit ^-^

[alienjaes]

You know, it's funny. When I tell people I have a strong sense of smell, they usually ask what they smell like.

But all I can think about is having my window open and smelling someone's shower gel or shampoo nearby, likely carried out on the hot steam. Or the subtle smell of humidity increasing, possibly indicating a storm. Even the change in someone's laundry detergent is brilliantly lit for me.

I learned from a young age how to block my nose without having to touch it (no clue how that works, but it Does block 98% of all air and smells), just so I could function in the world. I avoid perfume aisles and body shoppes like chemical pits. I gag when someone walking by has too much perfume on - I am not a good metric for how much is too much - or when someone has been smoking.

The thing that's most familiar to me about my irl friends is their smell. I could not place or describe succinctly any of their odours, but I know them by their scent like others know voices. People smell, and I mean that in the most neutral way possible; everything about people, artificial, external, internal, natural, all of it has a smell. Yes, even "odourless" things have a smell, at least to me.

You smell fine, by the way. Don't worry about it.

[tardis--dreams]

Some of those doctors make hating oat milk their entire personality. I hate them. Cannot pretend to find them funny or like i give a shit. Fucking pretentious assholes

[ironwoodwolves]

🎵 I am trying this link thing again. This time, a creature I created, so not getting into the details of it yet. We'll see how that goes. I want to try it. I do like the idea of getting some choice in at least one of my various identities. Plus I kinda feel like everything is out of control right now. And like it's not even my life anymore. So yeah. Which I suppose makes it a copinglink, since that's... literally the reason I want to try doing this.

[prodkeiji]

when will you stop villainizing us lol

[thenarator]

i cannot tell you how disheartening it is to post a fanfic or fanfic chapter and the first five comments are a bunch of entitled bullshit requesting you change things, give spoilers or talk about characters that aren't part of the story and aren't in the tags.

[depresseddepot]

the way i try so SO hard to gain even a crumb of body neutrality only to then see some shit on twitter that remind me that oh yeah. a distinct portion of the population genuinely believes they are being discriminated against when they have to look at or be within 50 feet of a fat person

[kyouka-supremacy]

DON'T MANIFEST AKUTAGAWA'S FEELINGS BEING UNREQUITED WAGEHGAHTJSHHAJ

But does it count as manifesting if I'm just stating facts 🤔😔😔

[rancidarling]

must my brain sound like an edgy incel chronically online gamer that screams slurs into the mic when they lose a Fortnite match -_-