#seriously I love this environment so much
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IT is SO ANNOYING that there is no one in my immediate environment who could love Donna or Miranda as much as I do. I feel like some kind of freak because of this. Seriously, how can you not love them? How can you not worship them? (okay, yes, maybe it's a little abnormal, but who cares?)
and it's really nice to see that I'm not the only one in tumblr. I'm glad you're here. (I am sometimes torn by the desire to write to someone to discuss beautiful women) ((God forbid, God forbid I will write to you)) (((answer me if I write, I feel lonely in my love for these women)))
#resident evil#resident evil village#donna beneviento#mother miranda#i'm so tired.#love for women#I need to channel my love somewhere.
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Puppy Love
Word Count: 1552
Warnings: None
Damian Wayne x Fem!Reader ︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶︶꒦꒷♡꒷꒦︶
It was a typical day after school, one of those rare moments when Damian Wayne wasn’t caught up in some sort of mission or training. The clock ticked loudly in the classroom as you stared at your class partner. Damian was sitting at his desk, meticulously packing up his things, his movements precise, as always. He had a habit of folding his papers just so, making sure everything was in perfect order before leaving. It was almost funny how much effort he put into something so mundane.
You tapped your pen on the desk, your mind bouncing with energy, as it always did. You had an idea, a crazy, spontaneous idea. The kind of idea you always had, but this time, you had to share it with him.
"Damian," you said brightly, leaning across the desk just enough to catch his attention. He glanced up, his dark eyes narrowing slightly as if preparing himself for whatever your next move was. You grinned, already knowing what he was thinking. “Do you want to go to the fair?”
His brow furrowed. “The fair?” he repeated, clearly skeptical. “I’m not sure how that could be beneficial to anything.”
You waved a hand, dismissing his doubts. “It’s just a bit of fun. You know, something different. Besides, you can’t always be training or brooding, right?”
Damian looked at you for a long moment, then sighed dramatically, an exaggerated gesture you���d gotten used to. “I don’t see the point in such... frivolity,” he said, though there was an edge of curiosity beneath the words.
You didn’t give him time to think about it. You knew he would overanalyze it otherwise. “Come on, just for a little while. You could use some downtime, and it’s not like Gotham doesn’t need a break from your endless seriousness. You’re my class partner, right? It’s just a few hours of normal fun. You’ve done worse, I promise.”
You could see the inner conflict playing out in his eyes—the part of him that was trained to be a warrior, never wasting a moment, battling with the part that was slowly learning to open up to new experiences. Finally, after a long pause, he nodded reluctantly. “Fine. I will accompany you to this... ‘fair,’” he said, his voice still laced with skepticism.
...
The fair was a short drive outside of Gotham, tucked away just beyond the noise and chaos of the city. You could tell the difference immediately, as soon as the car tires left the paved roads and hit the dirt paths leading to the fairgrounds. There was a certain charm to the place, something rustic and simple, so different from the bustling streets of Gotham or the towering Wayne mansion.
The sun was setting, casting a soft orange glow over the rows of booths, food carts, and brightly colored rides. The scent of hot dogs, popcorn, and cotton candy filled the air, and the sounds of laughter and music echoed around the fairground. It was the kind of place where people went to escape from the grind of daily life, to enjoy the fleeting moments of joy that came with a simple carnival game or a ride on the Ferris wheel.
You could see Damian’s unease as you both walked toward the entrance. His eyes darted around, taking in the overwhelming sights, sounds, and people. It wasn’t quite the same as the controlled environment he was used to. But you didn’t give him time to overthink it. You grabbed his arm, pulling him toward one of the booths.
“You’re going to love the ring toss,” you said with a grin, all too eager to get him involved.
“Ring toss?” he repeated, the skepticism still clear in his voice. “What purpose does this serve?”
“It’s fun,” you insisted, though you knew he wasn’t convinced. Still, you managed to drag him over to the booth. The game was simple enough—throw rings over bottles. It was a childish game, but you loved it, and you hoped Damian would catch on to the idea of letting go, even if just for a moment.
He stood with his arms crossed, watching you carefully. "You really think I can waste my time on this?"
You gave him a sidelong glance and a teasing smile. "Well, it’s not about wasting time. It’s about... I don’t know, enjoying the moment."
He didn’t look at you, but he did take a few rings and line them up, aiming carefully. You grinned to yourself. Even when he was trying to act all serious, his precision couldn’t be denied.
With a flick of his wrist, one of the rings flew through the air, landing perfectly on a bottle. You raised your eyebrows, impressed.
“Nice,” you said. “You’re better at this than you let on.”
Damian didn’t respond, his eyes narrowing as he picked up another ring. “I don’t do things halfheartedly,” he muttered, almost to himself. “If I’m going to do something, I do it properly.”
You watched him, a strange warmth spreading in your chest. The boy was so driven, so serious, yet you couldn’t help but admire his determination. It was rare for him to let his guard down, and even rarer for him to admit that something could be fun.
Soon enough, you had won a small stuffed bear, and Damian had reluctantly agreed to take it from you. You held it to your chest, practically skipping to the next attraction.
“What now?” he asked, clearly still unsure.
"Let’s ride the Ferris wheel," you said, already making your way toward the line.
He didn’t protest, which surprised you. Damian was a creature of habit and control. He liked to know what was coming next, not to be thrown into something unfamiliar. But here he was, following you as you led him toward the towering wheel. It was slow-moving and simple, but you could tell the height of the ride was making him a little uneasy.
Once you were both in your seat, the Ferris wheel creaked to life. The world below you began to shrink, the lights of the fair twinkling in the distance, and the sky above grew dark as the stars started to emerge, one by one. You glanced over at Damian, who was staring out at the lights, his face unreadable.
“You know, it’s nice up here,” you said softly, breaking the silence. “Don’t you ever just sit outside and stare at the stars? It’s so peaceful.”
Damian turned his head toward you, his expression stiff. “I prefer to watch... other things,” he said, his tone flat, almost as though he hadn’t really considered the question. “While I’m at it, I watch the bumper-to-bumper traffic and listen to the sounds of car horns and sirens.”
You couldn’t help but laugh, shaking your head at his dry sarcasm. “That is exactly why I like to be in the middle of nowhere. No traffic, no sirens, no deadlines. Just peace.”
Damian looked at you, the barest hint of amusement flickering across his face. “Peace,” he echoed, then gave a short huff. “I don’t know that I would describe Gotham as anything remotely peaceful.”
“Well, I’ll take peaceful over chaotic any day,” you said, your eyes drifting back to the sky, the colors of the fireworks beginning to light up the air. You handed him a stick of cotton candy, offering it with a teasing grin. “Besides, I think you could use a little fun, Damian. Maybe the world won’t end if you just enjoy the moment.”
He hesitated, eyeing the fluffy treat in your hand before taking a cautious bite. His eyes flickered back to you, his voice quieter this time. “Fun. I’m not sure I remember what that feels like.”
You blinked, surprised at the admission. For a moment, you didn’t know how to respond. You were so used to seeing Damian with his walls up, his rigid control always in place, that hearing him admit something so vulnerable took you off guard.
“Well, maybe now’s a good time to start remembering,” you said, your voice soft. “There’s a lot more to life than training and working.”
Damian didn’t answer, but he didn’t pull away either. Instead, he continued to chew his cotton candy in silence, staring out at the fireworks. You could tell, even without the words, that he was beginning to relax, if only for a moment.
The rest of the ride passed in a comfortable silence, the fireworks exploding around you in bursts of color. It was a strange thing, this peacefulness, and you couldn’t help but smile as you watched Damian begin to melt into the experience. For once, he wasn’t the brooding, serious heir to Wayne Enterprises. For once, he was just a boy—your class partner, Damian—enjoying the simple joy of a fair.
As the ride finally came to a stop and you both made your way back to solid ground, you felt a strange warmth between you both, something unspoken but real. You hadn’t just taken him to a fair—you’d taken him to a moment where he could simply be Damian, and for the first time, he seemed to appreciate it.
“Not so bad, huh?” you teased as you walked side by side.
Damian glanced at you, the slightest smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. “Perhaps... just this once.”
#dc#dc comics#damain wayne#batman#batfamily#batkids#batfam#robin#damian wayne fic#damian wayne fluff#damien wayne#damian wayne x reader#Batfam x reader#dc imagine#dc x reader#dc x you#dc fanfic#dc fic#dc comics x reader#dc x y/n#dc fanfiction#damian wayne x y/n#damian wayne x you#damian wayne imagine#damian wayne imagines#dc fluff#batfamily x reader#damian wayne#dc robin#dc headcanon
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Meditation | Jedi Survivor
#rescued from the drafts#seriously I love this environment so much#star wars jedi survivor#jedi survivor#cal kestis#star wars#alt angle cutscene#technically not but whatever#if you saw this before no you didn't
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who up seeing their disorder in a fictional character but feel like its not their place to put a name on it
#id have to be waterboarded before i can talk abt how i see a lot of my adhd and personality in mitsumi iwakura let alone post it#idk how to talk abt this without feeling like im talking over or invalidating ppls experiences relating with a character#someone was talking abt how ppl tie laios' autism to special interest and social difficulties but not much else which kinda flattens it#and then went into a respectful in depth analysis of other autistic behaviour that laios exhibits and it wasnt phrased meanly#its fascinating and important to me to hear someone explain a little bit abt traits that they recognized and often go overlooked#because it does help me learn more about it. but i think thats also where hesitancy kicks in when it comes to depicting it accurately#like i have adhd and some of my adhd symptoms overlap with autism (time blindness and pattern seeking behaviour) but that only means#it feels familiar to me even without having autism. on top of that traits arent always cleanly determined as being /caused/ by#a disorder. to understand my environment i compare it to something unrelated but similar to make it more familiar and for the longest time#i thought that was a personality thing and not an information processing thing since i loved playing pretend in my head as a kid#so if you make a character who experiences that hoping to reach people that also experience that and tell them its not weird or#smth youre making up like. thats the goal. ppl who dont get it arent expected to it just means it doesnt cater to them but it helps them#become familiar to it yk? since i dont have autism myself i dont feel confident i can depict it properly or explain it in my own words#but that doesnt mean im trying to dismiss it or try and cut it out completely.. ill just leave the floor open to someone who /can/#a lot of issues around fanon depictions are when smth is baselessly popularized or a characters personality and behavior is flattened#especially to fit them into a trending meme. its harmless and its supposed to be for fun but it gets tricky when you drag things that#need to be carefully explained beforehand or else it gets lost in translation. like that tweet abt 'hyperfixating' on cooking pasta#once it becomes popular language usually the original meaning is left out for the sake of simplifying it for everyone that when it#circles back theres a sort of hesitancy like. am i using it the way it was intended or am i unknowingly using the popularized version of it#actually thats probably why i felt wrongfooted during diagnosis bc it felt like i was misusing the words i heard to describe what i felt#i /know/ i see a lot of myself in mitsumi because our minds are always somewhere else and we tend to put good faith first and for me#that personal connection is enough. but idk it feels like its always gonna have to be 'palatable' first before i can talk abt it openly#mad respect to writers and creators who stick to their story even if theres the looming fear of ppl misinterpreting it and letting them#have it.. its been almost 2 weeks and i am so close to deleting that m3 dunmeshi drawing bc ppl keep saying chilchuck wouldnt have 200 HP#IT LITERALLY SAYS I MADE IT WHILE WATCHING EP 1. I USED EARTHBOUND LOGIC AND I WASNT EVEN TAKING IT SERIOUSLY CHILL#yapping
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#Fifteen episode 2. Mmmmmmhhhhhh#The animation quality DOES get worse. This episode shows it lol#So many static frames stretching for so long... I feel so sorry for the animators.#I still stand by the fact that if studios can't provide enough budget or time to their animators seasons simply shouldn't be released.#But after all who am I to talk...#The scene of Dazai shooting at the soldier makes my blood freeze. Rimbaud throwing books in the fire is equally upsetting#Like I /know/ it's an anime about literature with constant metafiction references–#and that this too has a symbolic meaning and is *supposed* to be upsetting but that said.#Seeing whole books being thrown in the fire is such a disturbing sight that calls for such a visceral response in me 😭😭😭#The amv opening is nice! Makes me even more bitter about season 5 one lmao. Of the kind#“not only we had to get a amv opening (((while we deserved a wholly ss/kk focused opening)))‚ we even got a bad amv ending at that”#Mmmmhhhh I hateeeeeee how they handled the Sheep 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 Seriously this is just another bug instance of#“me and the author have WHOLLY different views of what human nature is like”#I just... Don't think... Children joining together in an hostile environment would act like that. I'm so much more of a t/pn kind of guy.#Children who come together to survive would protect each other and especially would trust each other. Why is there such a big lack of trust#Why doesn't Shirase trust Chuuya? Why doesn't Chuuya trust Shirase (with handling more information)? It's just dumb#It's dumb. It sounds stupid from the very plot aspect that Chuuya would act so shady and suspicious with the Sheep instead of being open–#about what his course of action is. It's like he was trying to have them turn on him. It's stupid of Shirase to mistrust Chuuya–#when in eight years he never gave them any reason to doubt of him.#And I know right as I'm writing this that someone is going to read it and think “you're completely missing on the unbalance of power that–#creates these dynamics of lack of trust” but the thing is exactly that I don't see why that unbalance of power would ever come to be!#They're all just kids. They're aware of that. If Chuuya never had malicious intentions towards Shirase‚ I don't see why he would ever fear–#his betrayal. Likewise‚ I don't see why Shirase and the other Sheep members would ever be so manipulative and disrespectful towards–#Chuuya if he's been nothing but kind to them (and we have no reason to think otherwise)?#It all comes down to: I think people are inherently good and willing to help each other. The author thinks not lmao. It is what it is#But I wish you could see t/pn. Where kids are constantly trying to outwit each other in order to OUT-SACRIFICE THEMSELVES for the others lo#I love t/pn it's my life... I miss it#random rambles#And if anyone would like to argue that Dazai specifically set them off to betray each other... Yes I DO understand that's what the story–#is suggesting. I just don't think Dazai - for how good. and infallible he is - is enough to scrape long-term relationships of trust.
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I'm two episodes into the new ATLA show and I literally love it oh my gosh skjdfhakdsf
I'm really not the biggest fan of season 1 of the original show so this is honestly a massive step up for me I'm incredibly impressed
M. Night Shyamalan better be taking some serious frickin notes here like this is how you adapt a show hooooly cow
Some slight spoilers in the tags beware sdfdsf (also since I'm only on episode three please don't spoil aahh-)
#they made aang so much more likeable what!!#he is full of whimsy and joy and happiness and is actually adorable instead of being painfully immature and difficult to watch!!#katara and sokka still have fantastic banter and they're still cracking jokes and not taking themselves too seriously!!#suki still kicks major butt without being annoying and she's still incredibly cool!! (and frickin gorgeous holy crap)#kyoshi is awesome!!#appa and momo look so frickin good i cried!!#GYATSO SCREENTIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#THE BENDING!! THE COSTUME DESIGN!! THE ENVIRONMENTS!!!!! I AM SO PROUD#this is literally everything i wanted in this show i am so frickin happy they are doing such a good job#if they don't make a season 2 i will sob violently i need MOAAARRRR. i need toph in 4k ultra hd I NEEDDDD IT#don't even get me started on the casting. oh my word#gosh i freaking love this show i am so so so so so so happy#everyone on twitter is complaining as usual but HECK them all they need to shut their frickin mouths#they all went into the show expecting to despise it but heck them i frickin love it#avatar the last airbender#avatar netflix
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"Play other games" yes absolutely but I'd like to propose a corollary of "play older games" where everyone has to engage at least once with a game that's at least twenty years old (specifically a publication at least twenty years old. no cheating.) and find one web resource that's at least ten years old or print resource at least fifteen years old discussing it.
#I think it would be good for people who have never known a tabletop environment outside of heavily fandom-ified post 5e online spaces#rambling#a surprise for queue#not obligated to love anything back there but sometimes people post stuff that makes me think like.#to some people there is no legitimate and tangible history of this hobby before a certain liveplay starting with critical.#I think it's also just fun to go back to the very earliest publications of a system and see the vibe#I feel like a lot of modern tabletop games spring into being with so much polish and so little grunge and that's a shame#a cousin to the effect of the polished art book zine huh#or like. not even just the vibes on earliest publications but for PF (younger than my frame I know) the first pubs pre-date the system#which is a fun quirk in and of itself!#go read things older than PF though seriously. non-d20 things even.
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Mannn. Honestly all of owen's new life videos have been pretty good. I do however dislike the direction that Sparrow's character went in as i do not think that Sparrow was originally meant to be a tragic character? Sparrow was all about discovery and invention and that felt very lost towards the end of the series.
I wanted sparrow to learn how he was 'wrong about his perceptions of hybrids (although not even im fully sure what exactly that means) and his worries didnt feel conclusive (being afraid of not being "hybrid" enough? He had never mentioned that worry before) and although he does loose touch on himself i feel that him sealing himself away in his tomb wasn't really what i was expecting? Like i thought overall the tone would be a little bit happier and more about discovery and uniqueness like at the start of the series but that just completely dropped off.
Honestly i think instead of the ending being "sparrow murders his friends and rebents by locking himself in a place where he is not happy, is at risk and is not his true self even though its for a noble cause" i think it would have been really cool to see Sparrow choose to be human again as a nice way to tie it all back to the start of the series and feel satisfying.
Honestly i would have liked him use the machine MORE and to still choose to be himself rather than the skulk spreading storyline but idk. Id also would have liked there to be more connection to the theme of friends
Because ALL throughout new life Sparrow focuses on making friends. Heck even in the ending animatic it shows his friends so that link is definetly still there, but it feels odd that it ends in Sparrow murdering two of his friends (sausage, who he got closer to although maybe not friends as such and Scott, who was his best friend).
Also wait how come he wrote in a book at the end instead of recording it with the camera? Wouldnt it have made more sense to record it into the thing that has been showing the whole adventure rather than a book that has no relation to the story ? Lol. The animatic was awesome however
#new life smp#also sue me i dont like skulk spreading storylines i think theyre boring#like owens was cool with what he did do to it but i do not think it was flawless#that being said i did really enjoy new life smp i just wish it hadnt dropped off#i think also part of the reason why thr serious angst didnt sit well with me was because i just. i cant take it seriously anymore which#is a me thing#and thr knowlege that the server was dead kind of tipped me off towards the end#idk on rats smp all of the players were online at the same time making it a much better story environment#same with outsiders i believe but dont quote me#so it may just be that owen's stuff may be better suited to full-time roleplay servers since he had. a pretty ambitious character and story#line to play#and due to other players dropping off due to the faaaaarrrrr too many lives availible and a lack of general hype i understand that owens#storytwlling was likely comprimised idk#okay anyway this being said i did love sparrow and i do love owens stories and such i just think that nlsmp was a bit rough around the#edges in terms of storytelling#new life smp spoilers#new life sparrow#nlsmp
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ray is genderfluid because imagine the euphoria of confining yourself to a box your whole life because you’re so afraid to discover things about yourself only to have it all taken away and then escaping and being allowed to explore those things and realizing you can just be anything you want at anytime, you’re finally free. emma is agender because ray’s hogging all the genders and he won’t share
#skye's ramblings#yes the genderfluid ray is projection have you met me. but it also fits really well you see. i'm right#okay but in seriousness. agender emma is so so very real to me. reject gender entirely emma would not care about it <3#i say it a lot but the female protagonist literally never being shown in a skirt after escaping the heavily regulated environment#-that she grew up in is so so dear to me. emma is just so important to me like. in general <3#tbh t/pns portrayal of gender presentation and firm rejection of gender roles in general is just. really fucking good#especially for a shonen like!! why cant you all love women and diverse presentation this much. why cant you be more like your brother
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winter tyvia in june? yes.
#first of all ive got two of the worst finals to pass and this is how i cope ok.#seriously though i was thinking about tyvia as of a place to start a new life but to do it wrong#like people go to karnaca to say goodbye to their past and start a new life and tyvia is a place to rot#so. daud and billie (and probably some other whalers too) miserable adventure#ALSO i was thinking about billie and how she didn't see much of the world (at the time of KoD at least)#afaik she has only been from warm to dunwall environment. how would she react to cold.#she's great at adapting to terrible circumstances but what about freezing cold. would she underestimate it to then be terrified of it?#to think that the outsiders power may protect from snow and all that? perhaps. perhaps not#im crawling back to my hole thanks for reading my rumblings <3 much love#my art tag#dh related
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How can you like a show the main actress hates so much? Jenna Ortega wants out so bad
Well firstly I think a lot of people are reading some of Jenna Ortega's recent comments without really taking in the full context. I listened to that entire podcast and while she clearly had some issues with the show, I think it's a massive exaggeration to say she hated it.
She clearly cares very deeply about the character of Wednesday and at times felt like the writing betrayed what she believed to be the essence of the character. She also clearly put a lot of pressure on herself to get it right and never felt fully satisfied in that regard.
I'm not going to speak for her, but I just think it's wild people think she genuinely hates the whole project. I think she just wants it to be a little different for s2 which is why she's now an executive producer. One more thing I'll add is that she did say she felt more comfortable about s2 at the very end of the podcast. That part seems to get left out of a lot of this 'star hates her own show' stuff going around.
Also just on me personally enjoying the show, I feel like I've made it clear I'm not out here saying it was brilliant television. A lot of what Jenna has criticised is also the stuff I hope changes in s2 as well. I'm mostly here for the Wenclair of it all and the shows potential to be something really good in s2. I'm not treating this as a masterpiece.
#asks#jenna ortega#wednesday netflix#i think it's good for an actor to feel comfortable being vocal about things they would change#it speaks of a fairly collaborative environment that they did take her changes on board#and that she's been given a role as executive producer#buffy the vampire slayer is my favourite tv show#and i know smg would have loved to be taken more seriously by the writing team there#i don't think actors should dictate story#but i also think it's important that writers take on board an actors opinion in tv#creating a character in tv is so much more collaborative imo than in a film
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Man Primordial Malzeno has rewired my brain. God I love it so much
#ink thinks#monster hunter#primordial malzeno#SERIOUSLY. new best friend.#gore i still love you so much but this one's taking up my brain space for a sec#i just... i mean monhun stories are all about humans and their relationship with the environment#and in world there was this idea in icebourne abt how we don't really understand every aspect of the ecosystem#and sometimes make things worse when we try to help. bc these things have existed a long time w/o us#AND NOW. PRIMORDIAL MALZENO. is this idea of. living in harmony with nature and its creatures......#i mean only kind of bc its a monster hunter game but... ough......
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Yes, love that pattern for a job!
Yeah���I don’t think a lot of jobs are necessarily designed for people, honestly…that sounds so weird but the way a job/work environment is designed vs what would actually be helpful for workers is such a huge gap, most of the time! Your feelings are valid and relatable!! Workplaces, even less computer-based ones, can often feel like a machine where people are just seen as parts and less like you know, actual human beings, and it sucks. It doesn’t help when people at the top are so removed from everyday operations, that they don’t get it and make unhelpful choices as a result. Yes!!! The same information in three different ways (and three different places) happens all too often…*tries not to scream*
Ideal work schedule:
I show up and am given a list of cognitively engaging but achievable tasks
I complete the list
I leave immedietly
#This is why sociaty is only going down#A few centuries ago all we had to do was collect fruits in the morning#Eat them#And then waste the rest of the day however we wanted#YES!! The hunter gatherer lifestyle is the ideal lifestyle#Everything else is just fighting for rankings below it (imo)#Man Ian was so right#YEAH HE WAS! LOLOL#Goddammit#Silly handsome hero man knew exactly what he was talking about#Not so silly after all huh?#I mean#not silly for that at least#still arguably silly#but also very smart#My silly little pretty boi#The most beloved#Anyway#Pls make jobs like that#that would be awesome if people did!!#seriously#I would love to apply to those#Thanks#^^#I do think a better work environment is possible#Which is a comforting thought#And I do think there are various lifestyles and means of subsistence can be carried out to achieve our collective thriving#And have been and will continue to be done by various parts of humanity#I think one cool thing about the 21st century is our current access to information#We can learn about so much so quickly and understand there’s so many possibilities
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Shinjiro Aragaki 🤝 Rebecca Gales
Mom friends who constantly try telling others how they should live their lives and believe they know what’s best for everyone else who would explode and die if anyone did the same to them
#the klock keeps ticking#theres always a damn pattern with my faves somewhere AAGHHHH#theyre just like me and i hate it#that was another thing i really liked about the shinji social episodes in reload was that bit where hes telling minato to always keep his#promises and minato is like ‘but you arent keeping your own promises???’ its like lol get his ass#and yeah just rebecca and shinji are characters who i firmly believe to have ocd and its my hill to die on#like with rebecca shes just very obsessive over her relationships like particularly with ashton she clings to a version of him she built in#her head and she gets very angry and depressed when he doesnt fit that mold and she just tries to organize her life around her obsession#and shinji i love to imagine castor being like a metaphor for intrusive thoughts like shinji is terrified of losing control#and terrified that he is dangerous and that hes capable of seriously hurting the people he loves#so much so that he isolates himself from everyone as a way of protecting them and he takes suppression drugs to kill the intrusive thoughts#but much like what happens when you try to repress intrusive thoughts this doesnt go well and it harms him even further#but he believes its the right thing to do because at least he wont be dangerous anymore and its what he deserves#and you know isolation and desperately trying to drown away your intrusive thoughts only leads to worse obsession#im so normal about him and his relationship with his persona#this man has so much ocd my god and so does rebecca and im not TRYING TO PROJECT OKAY IT JUST KEEPS HAPPENING#theyre my faves for a reason 😩#anyways i think these two would be iconic besties and also possibly horrible together cuz theyd both be trying to tell the other how to fix#themselves and neither of them would listen but i mean theyd bond over cooking rebecca could infodump and shinji would listen#rebecca would see how shinji lives and shed be like ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT and insist on getting him in a safe environment#which who knows whod win shinji is awfully stubborn but rebecca is very scary and will whack a bitch with a book#shinji would see her thing with ashton and be like giving her some wise but harsh reality check which is really funny to imagine#like rebecca just gets this life lesson from some emo 18 year old shed be like ‘what do you know’ and then cry in the bathroom#i think theyd have such a big soft spot for each other though and they would be very powerful together and kick many asses
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In the last 2/3 weeks I've been kicked out of my home, was cruelly misled and dumped after 7 years together right before I was about to go into detox, forced to move into the back of my parents house which subsequently means I have to delay treating my own urgent health issues including detox for four months, I might have to rehome my cat, aaaaaaand to top it all off, my car died this morning! In a town where everything is far away, public transport is scarce, and even getting a bottle of milk from the nearest shops requires over a solid hour of walking 🙃 It also means going further into debt, hooray! A lot of really shitty things happened between Christmas and New Years and I was hoping to leave all of the negativity in 2023 but it's fucking following me and getting worse, I tell ya.
#in all seriousness though my life has been completely ripped out from underneath me and i don't have a fucking clue what i'm doing#moving back in with my parents was not on my 'im in my 30s' bingo card#i love my parents to bits and i'm so glad they are letting me stay with them#but i'm trying to treat my own alcohol addiction#and it runs in the family#there's too much to contextualise but tl;dr i don't want to go through the trauma of detox#only to be sent straight back to the most alcoholic environment i could possibly be in#there is always alcohol in the house and there is always someone drinking#and i'm meant to get better here?
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one of the best decisions i've ever made was to stop arguing.
i'd always been an arguer. i was defensive about everything and mindlessly contrary. it wasn't all my fault; i was (and still am) talked down to and patronized a lot, and when you live your life that way, you become kind of a raw nerve and dedicate a lot of energy to trying to prove yourself. someone even told me once, "it's just fun messing with you. you get so upset."
at 23, i was working in an environment where about a half dozen middle aged conservative men were always telling me what to do and explaining things to me. i either argued with them when they said heinous things or stewed about it for hours or even days. and so my new year's resolution one year was simply: no arguing.
it felt a little like defeat at first, like i was no longer standing up for what i believed in, even though no matter how right i was or how much proof i had for my claims, no one had ever been swayed by anything i told them. part of that was because they had no respect for me and didn't take me seriously; the other part was the simple truth that arguments are almost never productive. when someone says something and you immediately reply with, "you're wrong and here's why," a wall goes up and nothing can go over it.
i couldn't just let these men talk at me though, so i started asking questions. not leading questions, not with an intention to prove a point or walk them into a corner. i genuinely wanted to understand how they came to shape the opinions they held. i realized that understanding and agreeing are two different things, and just because i seek to understand doesn't mean i condone.
a truly fascinating thing happened: these men walked into corners all by themselves. it turns out nobody had ever actually tasked them with speaking their opinions aloud to a neutral audience. no one had ever been sincerely curious about them and their views. sure, their loved ones probably asked, "how are you doing?" all the time as a show of affection, but that's much different than, "what do you think?"
knowing what i know now, i think that's true of everyone. how many people ask you for your opinion and listen to what you have to say without speaking their opinion back to you? without judging you? how many people actively and intentionally try to understand you?
it's been over ten years since my resolution and i think i can count the arguments i've gotten into on one hand. one finger, even. it's amazing what happens when someone tries to rile you up, pick a fight with you, and your only response is, "can you elaborate on that?"
you can work someone into a very open and vulnerable state when you ask questions. they eventually run out of their usual talking points and move into the personal. when i do this, it's not like therapy; i'm not trying to help anyone. and it's not like teaching; i'm not trying to educate anyone. i just want to understand how people reach the conclusions they've come to. even after all these years of asking questions and not arguing, it still amazes me how few people in this world feel understood, and how easy it is to get them to open up when you say, "i want to know what you think."
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