#seriously I love this environment so much
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Meditation | Jedi Survivor
#rescued from the drafts#seriously I love this environment so much#star wars jedi survivor#jedi survivor#cal kestis#star wars#alt angle cutscene#technically not but whatever#if you saw this before no you didn't
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who up seeing their disorder in a fictional character but feel like its not their place to put a name on it
#id have to be waterboarded before i can talk abt how i see a lot of my adhd and personality in mitsumi iwakura let alone post it#idk how to talk abt this without feeling like im talking over or invalidating ppls experiences relating with a character#someone was talking abt how ppl tie laios' autism to special interest and social difficulties but not much else which kinda flattens it#and then went into a respectful in depth analysis of other autistic behaviour that laios exhibits and it wasnt phrased meanly#its fascinating and important to me to hear someone explain a little bit abt traits that they recognized and often go overlooked#because it does help me learn more about it. but i think thats also where hesitancy kicks in when it comes to depicting it accurately#like i have adhd and some of my adhd symptoms overlap with autism (time blindness and pattern seeking behaviour) but that only means#it feels familiar to me even without having autism. on top of that traits arent always cleanly determined as being /caused/ by#a disorder. to understand my environment i compare it to something unrelated but similar to make it more familiar and for the longest time#i thought that was a personality thing and not an information processing thing since i loved playing pretend in my head as a kid#so if you make a character who experiences that hoping to reach people that also experience that and tell them its not weird or#smth youre making up like. thats the goal. ppl who dont get it arent expected to it just means it doesnt cater to them but it helps them#become familiar to it yk? since i dont have autism myself i dont feel confident i can depict it properly or explain it in my own words#but that doesnt mean im trying to dismiss it or try and cut it out completely.. ill just leave the floor open to someone who /can/#a lot of issues around fanon depictions are when smth is baselessly popularized or a characters personality and behavior is flattened#especially to fit them into a trending meme. its harmless and its supposed to be for fun but it gets tricky when you drag things that#need to be carefully explained beforehand or else it gets lost in translation. like that tweet abt 'hyperfixating' on cooking pasta#once it becomes popular language usually the original meaning is left out for the sake of simplifying it for everyone that when it#circles back theres a sort of hesitancy like. am i using it the way it was intended or am i unknowingly using the popularized version of it#actually thats probably why i felt wrongfooted during diagnosis bc it felt like i was misusing the words i heard to describe what i felt#i /know/ i see a lot of myself in mitsumi because our minds are always somewhere else and we tend to put good faith first and for me#that personal connection is enough. but idk it feels like its always gonna have to be 'palatable' first before i can talk abt it openly#mad respect to writers and creators who stick to their story even if theres the looming fear of ppl misinterpreting it and letting them#have it.. its been almost 2 weeks and i am so close to deleting that m3 dunmeshi drawing bc ppl keep saying chilchuck wouldnt have 200 HP#IT LITERALLY SAYS I MADE IT WHILE WATCHING EP 1. I USED EARTHBOUND LOGIC AND I WASNT EVEN TAKING IT SERIOUSLY CHILL#yapping
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#Fifteen episode 2. Mmmmmmhhhhhh#The animation quality DOES get worse. This episode shows it lol#So many static frames stretching for so long... I feel so sorry for the animators.#I still stand by the fact that if studios can't provide enough budget or time to their animators seasons simply shouldn't be released.#But after all who am I to talk...#The scene of Dazai shooting at the soldier makes my blood freeze. Rimbaud throwing books in the fire is equally upsetting#Like I /know/ it's an anime about literature with constant metafiction references–#and that this too has a symbolic meaning and is *supposed* to be upsetting but that said.#Seeing whole books being thrown in the fire is such a disturbing sight that calls for such a visceral response in me 😭😭😭#The amv opening is nice! Makes me even more bitter about season 5 one lmao. Of the kind#“not only we had to get a amv opening (((while we deserved a wholly ss/kk focused opening)))‚ we even got a bad amv ending at that”#Mmmmhhhh I hateeeeeee how they handled the Sheep 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 Seriously this is just another bug instance of#“me and the author have WHOLLY different views of what human nature is like”#I just... Don't think... Children joining together in an hostile environment would act like that. I'm so much more of a t/pn kind of guy.#Children who come together to survive would protect each other and especially would trust each other. Why is there such a big lack of trust#Why doesn't Shirase trust Chuuya? Why doesn't Chuuya trust Shirase (with handling more information)? It's just dumb#It's dumb. It sounds stupid from the very plot aspect that Chuuya would act so shady and suspicious with the Sheep instead of being open–#about what his course of action is. It's like he was trying to have them turn on him. It's stupid of Shirase to mistrust Chuuya–#when in eight years he never gave them any reason to doubt of him.#And I know right as I'm writing this that someone is going to read it and think “you're completely missing on the unbalance of power that–#creates these dynamics of lack of trust” but the thing is exactly that I don't see why that unbalance of power would ever come to be!#They're all just kids. They're aware of that. If Chuuya never had malicious intentions towards Shirase‚ I don't see why he would ever fear–#his betrayal. Likewise‚ I don't see why Shirase and the other Sheep members would ever be so manipulative and disrespectful towards–#Chuuya if he's been nothing but kind to them (and we have no reason to think otherwise)?#It all comes down to: I think people are inherently good and willing to help each other. The author thinks not lmao. It is what it is#But I wish you could see t/pn. Where kids are constantly trying to outwit each other in order to OUT-SACRIFICE THEMSELVES for the others lo#I love t/pn it's my life... I miss it#random rambles#And if anyone would like to argue that Dazai specifically set them off to betray each other... Yes I DO understand that's what the story–#is suggesting. I just don't think Dazai - for how good. and infallible he is - is enough to scrape long-term relationships of trust.
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I'm two episodes into the new ATLA show and I literally love it oh my gosh skjdfhakdsf
I'm really not the biggest fan of season 1 of the original show so this is honestly a massive step up for me I'm incredibly impressed
M. Night Shyamalan better be taking some serious frickin notes here like this is how you adapt a show hooooly cow
Some slight spoilers in the tags beware sdfdsf (also since I'm only on episode three please don't spoil aahh-)
#they made aang so much more likeable what!!#he is full of whimsy and joy and happiness and is actually adorable instead of being painfully immature and difficult to watch!!#katara and sokka still have fantastic banter and they're still cracking jokes and not taking themselves too seriously!!#suki still kicks major butt without being annoying and she's still incredibly cool!! (and frickin gorgeous holy crap)#kyoshi is awesome!!#appa and momo look so frickin good i cried!!#GYATSO SCREENTIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#THE BENDING!! THE COSTUME DESIGN!! THE ENVIRONMENTS!!!!! I AM SO PROUD#this is literally everything i wanted in this show i am so frickin happy they are doing such a good job#if they don't make a season 2 i will sob violently i need MOAAARRRR. i need toph in 4k ultra hd I NEEDDDD IT#don't even get me started on the casting. oh my word#gosh i freaking love this show i am so so so so so so happy#everyone on twitter is complaining as usual but HECK them all they need to shut their frickin mouths#they all went into the show expecting to despise it but heck them i frickin love it#avatar the last airbender#avatar netflix
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"Play other games" yes absolutely but I'd like to propose a corollary of "play older games" where everyone has to engage at least once with a game that's at least twenty years old (specifically a publication at least twenty years old. no cheating.) and find one web resource that's at least ten years old or print resource at least fifteen years old discussing it.
#I think it would be good for people who have never known a tabletop environment outside of heavily fandom-ified post 5e online spaces#rambling#a surprise for queue#not obligated to love anything back there but sometimes people post stuff that makes me think like.#to some people there is no legitimate and tangible history of this hobby before a certain liveplay starting with critical.#I think it's also just fun to go back to the very earliest publications of a system and see the vibe#I feel like a lot of modern tabletop games spring into being with so much polish and so little grunge and that's a shame#a cousin to the effect of the polished art book zine huh#or like. not even just the vibes on earliest publications but for PF (younger than my frame I know) the first pubs pre-date the system#which is a fun quirk in and of itself!#go read things older than PF though seriously. non-d20 things even.
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Mannn. Honestly all of owen's new life videos have been pretty good. I do however dislike the direction that Sparrow's character went in as i do not think that Sparrow was originally meant to be a tragic character? Sparrow was all about discovery and invention and that felt very lost towards the end of the series.
I wanted sparrow to learn how he was 'wrong about his perceptions of hybrids (although not even im fully sure what exactly that means) and his worries didnt feel conclusive (being afraid of not being "hybrid" enough? He had never mentioned that worry before) and although he does loose touch on himself i feel that him sealing himself away in his tomb wasn't really what i was expecting? Like i thought overall the tone would be a little bit happier and more about discovery and uniqueness like at the start of the series but that just completely dropped off.
Honestly i think instead of the ending being "sparrow murders his friends and rebents by locking himself in a place where he is not happy, is at risk and is not his true self even though its for a noble cause" i think it would have been really cool to see Sparrow choose to be human again as a nice way to tie it all back to the start of the series and feel satisfying.
Honestly i would have liked him use the machine MORE and to still choose to be himself rather than the skulk spreading storyline but idk. Id also would have liked there to be more connection to the theme of friends
Because ALL throughout new life Sparrow focuses on making friends. Heck even in the ending animatic it shows his friends so that link is definetly still there, but it feels odd that it ends in Sparrow murdering two of his friends (sausage, who he got closer to although maybe not friends as such and Scott, who was his best friend).
Also wait how come he wrote in a book at the end instead of recording it with the camera? Wouldnt it have made more sense to record it into the thing that has been showing the whole adventure rather than a book that has no relation to the story ? Lol. The animatic was awesome however
#new life smp#also sue me i dont like skulk spreading storylines i think theyre boring#like owens was cool with what he did do to it but i do not think it was flawless#that being said i did really enjoy new life smp i just wish it hadnt dropped off#i think also part of the reason why thr serious angst didnt sit well with me was because i just. i cant take it seriously anymore which#is a me thing#and thr knowlege that the server was dead kind of tipped me off towards the end#idk on rats smp all of the players were online at the same time making it a much better story environment#same with outsiders i believe but dont quote me#so it may just be that owen's stuff may be better suited to full-time roleplay servers since he had. a pretty ambitious character and story#line to play#and due to other players dropping off due to the faaaaarrrrr too many lives availible and a lack of general hype i understand that owens#storytwlling was likely comprimised idk#okay anyway this being said i did love sparrow and i do love owens stories and such i just think that nlsmp was a bit rough around the#edges in terms of storytelling#new life smp spoilers#new life sparrow#nlsmp
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ray is genderfluid because imagine the euphoria of confining yourself to a box your whole life because you’re so afraid to discover things about yourself only to have it all taken away and then escaping and being allowed to explore those things and realizing you can just be anything you want at anytime, you’re finally free. emma is agender because ray’s hogging all the genders and he won’t share
#skye's ramblings#yes the genderfluid ray is projection have you met me. but it also fits really well you see. i'm right#okay but in seriousness. agender emma is so so very real to me. reject gender entirely emma would not care about it <3#i say it a lot but the female protagonist literally never being shown in a skirt after escaping the heavily regulated environment#-that she grew up in is so so dear to me. emma is just so important to me like. in general <3#tbh t/pns portrayal of gender presentation and firm rejection of gender roles in general is just. really fucking good#especially for a shonen like!! why cant you all love women and diverse presentation this much. why cant you be more like your brother
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winter tyvia in june? yes.
#first of all ive got two of the worst finals to pass and this is how i cope ok.#seriously though i was thinking about tyvia as of a place to start a new life but to do it wrong#like people go to karnaca to say goodbye to their past and start a new life and tyvia is a place to rot#so. daud and billie (and probably some other whalers too) miserable adventure#ALSO i was thinking about billie and how she didn't see much of the world (at the time of KoD at least)#afaik she has only been from warm to dunwall environment. how would she react to cold.#she's great at adapting to terrible circumstances but what about freezing cold. would she underestimate it to then be terrified of it?#to think that the outsiders power may protect from snow and all that? perhaps. perhaps not#im crawling back to my hole thanks for reading my rumblings <3 much love#my art tag#dh related
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How can you like a show the main actress hates so much? Jenna Ortega wants out so bad
Well firstly I think a lot of people are reading some of Jenna Ortega's recent comments without really taking in the full context. I listened to that entire podcast and while she clearly had some issues with the show, I think it's a massive exaggeration to say she hated it.
She clearly cares very deeply about the character of Wednesday and at times felt like the writing betrayed what she believed to be the essence of the character. She also clearly put a lot of pressure on herself to get it right and never felt fully satisfied in that regard.
I'm not going to speak for her, but I just think it's wild people think she genuinely hates the whole project. I think she just wants it to be a little different for s2 which is why she's now an executive producer. One more thing I'll add is that she did say she felt more comfortable about s2 at the very end of the podcast. That part seems to get left out of a lot of this 'star hates her own show' stuff going around.
Also just on me personally enjoying the show, I feel like I've made it clear I'm not out here saying it was brilliant television. A lot of what Jenna has criticised is also the stuff I hope changes in s2 as well. I'm mostly here for the Wenclair of it all and the shows potential to be something really good in s2. I'm not treating this as a masterpiece.
#asks#jenna ortega#wednesday netflix#i think it's good for an actor to feel comfortable being vocal about things they would change#it speaks of a fairly collaborative environment that they did take her changes on board#and that she's been given a role as executive producer#buffy the vampire slayer is my favourite tv show#and i know smg would have loved to be taken more seriously by the writing team there#i don't think actors should dictate story#but i also think it's important that writers take on board an actors opinion in tv#creating a character in tv is so much more collaborative imo than in a film
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Man Primordial Malzeno has rewired my brain. God I love it so much
#ink thinks#monster hunter#primordial malzeno#SERIOUSLY. new best friend.#gore i still love you so much but this one's taking up my brain space for a sec#i just... i mean monhun stories are all about humans and their relationship with the environment#and in world there was this idea in icebourne abt how we don't really understand every aspect of the ecosystem#and sometimes make things worse when we try to help. bc these things have existed a long time w/o us#AND NOW. PRIMORDIAL MALZENO. is this idea of. living in harmony with nature and its creatures......#i mean only kind of bc its a monster hunter game but... ough......
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Yes, love that pattern for a job!
Yeah…I don’t think a lot of jobs are necessarily designed for people, honestly…that sounds so weird but the way a job/work environment is designed vs what would actually be helpful for workers is such a huge gap, most of the time! Your feelings are valid and relatable!! Workplaces, even less computer-based ones, can often feel like a machine where people are just seen as parts and less like you know, actual human beings, and it sucks. It doesn’t help when people at the top are so removed from everyday operations, that they don’t get it and make unhelpful choices as a result. Yes!!! The same information in three different ways (and three different places) happens all too often…*tries not to scream*
Ideal work schedule:
I show up and am given a list of cognitively engaging but achievable tasks
I complete the list
I leave immedietly
#This is why sociaty is only going down#A few centuries ago all we had to do was collect fruits in the morning#Eat them#And then waste the rest of the day however we wanted#YES!! The hunter gatherer lifestyle is the ideal lifestyle#Everything else is just fighting for rankings below it (imo)#Man Ian was so right#YEAH HE WAS! LOLOL#Goddammit#Silly handsome hero man knew exactly what he was talking about#Not so silly after all huh?#I mean#not silly for that at least#still arguably silly#but also very smart#My silly little pretty boi#The most beloved#Anyway#Pls make jobs like that#that would be awesome if people did!!#seriously#I would love to apply to those#Thanks#^^#I do think a better work environment is possible#Which is a comforting thought#And I do think there are various lifestyles and means of subsistence can be carried out to achieve our collective thriving#And have been and will continue to be done by various parts of humanity#I think one cool thing about the 21st century is our current access to information#We can learn about so much so quickly and understand there’s so many possibilities
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Shinjiro Aragaki 🤝 Rebecca Gales
Mom friends who constantly try telling others how they should live their lives and believe they know what’s best for everyone else who would explode and die if anyone did the same to them
#the klock keeps ticking#theres always a damn pattern with my faves somewhere AAGHHHH#theyre just like me and i hate it#that was another thing i really liked about the shinji social episodes in reload was that bit where hes telling minato to always keep his#promises and minato is like ‘but you arent keeping your own promises???’ its like lol get his ass#and yeah just rebecca and shinji are characters who i firmly believe to have ocd and its my hill to die on#like with rebecca shes just very obsessive over her relationships like particularly with ashton she clings to a version of him she built in#her head and she gets very angry and depressed when he doesnt fit that mold and she just tries to organize her life around her obsession#and shinji i love to imagine castor being like a metaphor for intrusive thoughts like shinji is terrified of losing control#and terrified that he is dangerous and that hes capable of seriously hurting the people he loves#so much so that he isolates himself from everyone as a way of protecting them and he takes suppression drugs to kill the intrusive thoughts#but much like what happens when you try to repress intrusive thoughts this doesnt go well and it harms him even further#but he believes its the right thing to do because at least he wont be dangerous anymore and its what he deserves#and you know isolation and desperately trying to drown away your intrusive thoughts only leads to worse obsession#im so normal about him and his relationship with his persona#this man has so much ocd my god and so does rebecca and im not TRYING TO PROJECT OKAY IT JUST KEEPS HAPPENING#theyre my faves for a reason 😩#anyways i think these two would be iconic besties and also possibly horrible together cuz theyd both be trying to tell the other how to fix#themselves and neither of them would listen but i mean theyd bond over cooking rebecca could infodump and shinji would listen#rebecca would see how shinji lives and shed be like ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOT and insist on getting him in a safe environment#which who knows whod win shinji is awfully stubborn but rebecca is very scary and will whack a bitch with a book#shinji would see her thing with ashton and be like giving her some wise but harsh reality check which is really funny to imagine#like rebecca just gets this life lesson from some emo 18 year old shed be like ‘what do you know’ and then cry in the bathroom#i think theyd have such a big soft spot for each other though and they would be very powerful together and kick many asses
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In the last 2/3 weeks I've been kicked out of my home, was cruelly misled and dumped after 7 years together right before I was about to go into detox, forced to move into the back of my parents house which subsequently means I have to delay treating my own urgent health issues including detox for four months, I might have to rehome my cat, aaaaaaand to top it all off, my car died this morning! In a town where everything is far away, public transport is scarce, and even getting a bottle of milk from the nearest shops requires over a solid hour of walking 🙃 It also means going further into debt, hooray! A lot of really shitty things happened between Christmas and New Years and I was hoping to leave all of the negativity in 2023 but it's fucking following me and getting worse, I tell ya.
#in all seriousness though my life has been completely ripped out from underneath me and i don't have a fucking clue what i'm doing#moving back in with my parents was not on my 'im in my 30s' bingo card#i love my parents to bits and i'm so glad they are letting me stay with them#but i'm trying to treat my own alcohol addiction#and it runs in the family#there's too much to contextualise but tl;dr i don't want to go through the trauma of detox#only to be sent straight back to the most alcoholic environment i could possibly be in#there is always alcohol in the house and there is always someone drinking#and i'm meant to get better here?
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one of the best decisions i've ever made was to stop arguing.
i'd always been an arguer. i was defensive about everything and mindlessly contrary. it wasn't all my fault; i was (and still am) talked down to and patronized a lot, and when you live your life that way, you become kind of a raw nerve and dedicate a lot of energy to trying to prove yourself. someone even told me once, "it's just fun messing with you. you get so upset."
at 23, i was working in an environment where about a half dozen middle aged conservative men were always telling me what to do and explaining things to me. i either argued with them when they said heinous things or stewed about it for hours or even days. and so my new year's resolution one year was simply: no arguing.
it felt a little like defeat at first, like i was no longer standing up for what i believed in, even though no matter how right i was or how much proof i had for my claims, no one had ever been swayed by anything i told them. part of that was because they had no respect for me and didn't take me seriously; the other part was the simple truth that arguments are almost never productive. when someone says something and you immediately reply with, "you're wrong and here's why," a wall goes up and nothing can go over it.
i couldn't just let these men talk at me though, so i started asking questions. not leading questions, not with an intention to prove a point or walk them into a corner. i genuinely wanted to understand how they came to shape the opinions they held. i realized that understanding and agreeing are two different things, and just because i seek to understand doesn't mean i condone.
a truly fascinating thing happened: these men walked into corners all by themselves. it turns out nobody had ever actually tasked them with speaking their opinions aloud to a neutral audience. no one had ever been sincerely curious about them and their views. sure, their loved ones probably asked, "how are you doing?" all the time as a show of affection, but that's much different than, "what do you think?"
knowing what i know now, i think that's true of everyone. how many people ask you for your opinion and listen to what you have to say without speaking their opinion back to you? without judging you? how many people actively and intentionally try to understand you?
it's been over ten years since my resolution and i think i can count the arguments i've gotten into on one hand. one finger, even. it's amazing what happens when someone tries to rile you up, pick a fight with you, and your only response is, "can you elaborate on that?"
you can work someone into a very open and vulnerable state when you ask questions. they eventually run out of their usual talking points and move into the personal. when i do this, it's not like therapy; i'm not trying to help anyone. and it's not like teaching; i'm not trying to educate anyone. i just want to understand how people reach the conclusions they've come to. even after all these years of asking questions and not arguing, it still amazes me how few people in this world feel understood, and how easy it is to get them to open up when you say, "i want to know what you think."
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── ⋆。𖦹°‧ DO YOU LOVE WHEN I CALL YOU THAT? .ᐟ
୭˚. ᵎᵎ content warnings: F!reader, 18+, Kenji referring to reader as his wife and being a fucking tease, unprotected sex, dirty talk, praise, teasing, touching, explicit words, explicit content.
Probably, in fact, there were many possibilities, the noises of the bed squeaking against the wall, even though it was made of excellent material, could be heard from outside the room; accompanied by moans, obscene noises and some indecent words. — But who would be able to complain about that?
Inside the room, a dimly lit environment but still showing silhouettes, all the noises and noises mentioned were more intense, powerful and lively, in addition to the sound of flesh struggling against each other; becoming much more than wanton and immoral. — And much tastier.
"I love eating that beautiful pussy." — His warm breath brushes your reddened cheek and is a little wet from thin tears, while you whimper when you feel his thick tip poking that sensitive and delicate spot. — "And you know a lot about that, don't you?" — A question, unanswerable, mixed with a grunt, moan came from Kenji's bold lips.
He dragged his mouth, uttering sinful praises and hoarse hums, along your chin and, at the same time, ran wet, sloppy kisses on your skin and leaned in to admire your reactions and expressions, showing an immense, intense, satisfaction and pleasure, almost becoming exulting; the immense wave of pleasure became agonizing, almost unbearable.
"Is that ok, my love?" — He asked, closing his eyes, for a few seconds, it almost became a growl, something so skittish when he felt your nails being dug into his back. — "Pf, look at those claws…" — Kenji murmured with a hoarse laugh, a shameless smile pulling at his lips, thinking about the thick, reddish lines that will decorate his back later.
"Ken..ji!" — Desperately, the only thing that was going through your mind was his name and nothing else, not even your conscience or notion, even respect for yourself, punctuated your little head. — "Mm, please, please."
"Oh, my beautiful wife." — Moving his mouth to your ears, scraping his teeth on the earlobe, Sato's words came out, satisfyingly, in a fascinating way, more than sensual and so impudent; performing an unsurprising action at the same time so libertine of you. — "Holy shit, damn…?"
Immediately, in a matter of agile and apprehensible seconds, after directing you with that statement, during his rhythm, Kenji felt your warm, inner walls squeezing, possessively, slyly and exaltedly, his cock; more moans, cunning and drawn-out meows came out of your lips, with your nails, eminently, stuck to the older's skin. — He felt your body softer, needier, in shock after his words, which left him intrigued, yearning.
Who could have imagined?
"Ah, you love it when i call you that." — He spoke, seriously, but with a little grace, ecstatic with what he had just felt and witnessed. Kenji's bold tongue flicked across his cheek, the taste of your sweat transferred to his palate, and he placed a soft bite on the apple of your cheek. — "My wife." — Sato moved his hips, moving away from the intimate and erotic contact, keeping the tip at your entrance, and then diving into your pussy again; highlighting a delightful and pleasurable thrust, once again reaching your sensitive spot.
"My beautiful, beautiful wife.
#kenji sato#ken sato#kenji#kenji sato x reader#ken sato x reader#kenji x reader#kenji sato smut#ken sato smut#kenji smut#ultraman#ultraman rising
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heyy when you have the time to do so, can i request college!suna x reader angst to fluff where reader tries to spend time with suna but they get into an argument where he decides to spend time with his athlete friend group but then feels guilty and make up with reader through heart to heart conversation? 🫶🏻sorry if this is so long i have no idea how to make the prompt shorter but honestly i love all the fics you post so idc if you change it up a bit just thought i’d give an idea
𝐅𝐀𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐎𝐔𝐂𝐇
pairing: suna rintaro x gen!neutral reader
genre: hurt/comfort
content: you confront him about the growing distance in your relationship, something he's been dismissing for a while, until he finally grasps the seriousness of the situation
cw: suna is a bit harsh; arguments but they make up <3
a/n: hihi anon! ty for requesting and i hope it's to your liking :D i'm still accepting requests for my 1k event so feel free to send more into my inbox!
"it's like i never see you anymore!"
suna and you have been in this back and forth argument for what felt like an eternity and it's draining the life out of you.
suna has been preoccupied with the upcoming inter-collegiate volleyball tournament. as a starter on the prestigious division 1 ejp raijin volleyball team, the arduous practices and pressure have been taking a heavier toll than expected on him.
as a result of this, suna has been incredibly distant in your relationship. he was always gone before you woke up in the morning and didn't return until after you fell asleep. every time you tried to plan a date or suggest something to do together, he somehow always cancels. it's always, "sorry i have to run some extra drills. maybe another day?"
it's exhausting putting this much effort into your relationship when it all seems in vain.
you've tried bringing this up to suna before, mentioning how you would like to spend more time together. but suna, being suna, always brushed it off. but there's only so much dismissal you can take.
you really miss your boyfriend.
but you're not sure he misses you the way you miss him.
"y/n you can't expect me to drop everything for you! like fuck, i have a life outside of you," he exclaims, snapping you back to the current argument at hand.
"i didn't say that, rin."
"that's what you're trying to say," he replies, crossing his arms over his chest.
you shake you head, lowering your voice. "i know volleyball always has and always will be a top priority for you but i just wish... well, it would be nice if you could put a bit of effort into our relationship."
"what if i don't even want to anymore..." he mumbles under his breath as he walks to the closet, grabbing a coat.
the rage in your heart and mind now simmer down to a feeling of dread and heartbreak. what?
as he turns around, he sends an icy glare at you. you've never seen this side of him and you refuse to let him see you crumble apart in front of him. you refuse to break down right now.
"you don't want to what, suna?" you look at him, tone icy cold. "go on. tell me."
the heated environment is making his mind all cloudy and he wants to end this conversation now.
"you know what i mean, y/n. i'm going out. don't call me."
the door opens and slams shut.
the moment the door closes, you're completely still. you're running on autopilot. you find yourself making a cup of tea and sitting at the dining table, looking at the empty, lifeless apartment sprawled in front of you.
subconsciously, the tears started to roll. i guess that's it then. i think i better start packing my things. i should be gone by the time he comes back home.
meanwhile, suna makes his way downtown to the bar where some of his volleyball friends had invited him out for a couple drinks. he opens the door to the bar and he can hear the familiar rowdiness of his friends.
"well, well, well, if it ain't the infamous sunarin from ejp," a familiar blonde comes running to him. "been too long since i've seen ya stupid ass."
"yeah yeah whatever asshole," suna slaps the back of atsumu and nods over at osamu who's sitting on the table. "it's good to see you both."
as suna and atsumu head to the table in the back with the rest of his friends, his mind can't help but linger back to the argument that he had with you. but he decides to shake his mind off it.
he's here to have fun with his friends right now. not be worried about you.
"you didn't bring y/n tonight?" komori, suna's teammate, asks. "i haven't seen them in a hot minute. what've they been up to?"
what have you been up to? he doesn’t know. when was the last time we both had an actual conversation? he doesn’t know. he doesn’t even know what's been going on in your life lately. fuck this is what y/n meant.
he forces a smile, masking the bitter thoughts playing in his mind. "they're good. just doing their classes and stuff."
"ah right, well bring them by sometime! it's been too long since i've seen them. they never fail to light up the room with their presence."
"yeah you're right."
he nods, taking small sips from the beer in front of him.
as the conversation and chaos ensue among his friends, his mind keeps drifting back to the memories of the argument he walked out on. his mind has cooled off and a sense of guilt starts to take over his body.
here he is having fun with his friends while you're at home all alone, waiting for him. you just wanted to spend time with him and here he was, finding comfort in other people other than you.
he tries to remember the last time you both had gone out together but he's drawing a complete blank. he can't even remember the last time he's kissed you or held you in his hands.
no wonder you've been feeling so lonely.
and in response, he just kept brushing you off until you blew up today. and to make matters worse, he walked out of the argument giving you no sense of reassurance or closure on the matter.
at the realization, suna shoots up out of his seat with flushed cheeks. the group turns to him.
"i gotta head out for the night. i gotta see my baby."
"get a fuckin' room sunarin," osamu shouts. the rest of the groups howls in agreement. "see ya."
he waves goodbye and starts trudging his way back to the shared apartment. he expects to find you asleep so he can crawl into bed with you and cuddle, never intending on letting you go.
so you can imagine the surprise when he opens the door and sees the bedroom light on and hears rustling noises. "baby?" he calls out. "y/n?"
he takes off his shoes and coat and walks to the bedroom. he starts to internally panic at the sight in front of him.
you have a couple of suitcases out filled with your clothes and belongings. at a glance, he can see that your side of the closet is almost empty. you've even taken down a couple of the decor pieces in the room that you bought but he was never particularly interested in. with your headphones in, you’re focused on packing, but what breaks him the most is seeing you wipe your eyes as you do so. why are you even packing? where are you going?
and then it hits him.
not only did he make it seem like he didn’t want to make this relationship work, but his actions have been driving you away. fuck, this was bad. he didn't mean any of it. he has to fix it or he's gonna lose the best thing in his life for good.
he goes over to you and taps your shorted and you yelp, startled by the 6'2" man, hovering above you.
"what the hell are you doing?" suna asks, cocking an eyebrow at you.
you wipe your eyes. "i'm leaving."
"don't be ridiculous," he scoffs.
"ridiculous?" you laugh at the absurdity of his comment. "what's ridiculous is how you walk out of an argument not even wanting to work things out. what's ridiculous is how you just continue to put me aside like i’m some side piece."
he knows you’re hurting. and it’s all his fault.
he doesn’t know how to properly express everything he needs to say to you.
so in the heat of it all, he does what he thinks is the next best thing and kisses you.
you'd forgotten this feeling. his soft lips on yours and how they fit together just right. it's the softest kiss he's ever given to you and your heart swells at the gesture.
you pull away and you plop yourself on the floor to process what just happened.
right there and then, he looks at you. he really looks at you. he notices the way you have some baby hairs popping out and your cheeks feel warm from all that crying. he notices the way your eyes look slightly puffed out and the remnants of tears on your cheeks.
i'm the cause of this. this is all my fault.
"i’m sorry," he begins.
you sigh and look away mumbling to yourself. "you’ve said that before. it doesn’t change anything."
"and you’re right."
you look up at him, surprised by his admission. "w-what?"
"you’re absolutely right, y/n."
he crouches down to your level, resting his hand on your knee so he can look you in the eye.
"i shouldn't have made it seem i wasn't willing to put in the effort into making us work," he says, gesturing between you and him. "my actions and what i said to you a couple hours ago obviously made it seem that way and i'm an absolute dumbass for not picking up on it."
you’re silent. he searches your face, looking for any speck of emotion, but he still can’t read you. in the amount of time he's known you, you’ve always been the exception.
"i've been swamped with so much work lately and i know i need to do better. i spread myself so thin that i forgot to prioritize the things and the people that matter the most to me."
you're silent, unsure of what to say to him.
"i thought i was doing the best i could do until i realized i could be doing so much more for us and for you. i'm so sorry for not being here."
"i know rin," you whisper. finally, for the first time you look up from your lap to look at him. "it just felt like you didn't care about us anymore. you're the hardest worker i know but i just wish you were here sometimes."
"and i wouldn't be able to be that hard worker without your love and support, you know," his hand cups your cheek as he runs his thumb across the tear streaks on your face.
"i realize how absent i’ve been in our relationship lately and i can’t imagine how lonely you’ve been feeling. i want to make this relationship work with you. i know i suck at being sappy and shit but you really are my other half. no matter what it takes, i’ll make us work. i’ll fight for this relationship. i'll fight for us."
"oh, rin," you sigh and wrap your arms around his neck, bringing him in close for a hug. the tears begin to flow from your eyes.
he feels his eyes glaze over. he breathes in your familiar scent and feels a warmth he’s missed.
even after everything, you still love him.
he starts with a gentle kiss on your cheek, then starts peppering your face with soft kisses.
you let out a watery chuckle, making his heart skip a beat. he hasn't heard your laugh in forever and he swears to himself to never be the reason for your tears again.
"let's go to bed now baby. i've gotta cuddle away all the pain i've caused you."
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