#and sometimes make things worse when we try to help. bc these things have existed a long time w/o us

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[inkedmyths]

Man Primordial Malzeno has rewired my brain. God I love it so much

[chipchopclipclop]

i just started rewatching soul eater for the first time since i was 15 and Stein is so much more interesting to me than he was then... what are ur soul eater thoughts chip if youre willing to share

i did not experience soul eater as a wee youth, the first time i watched (and then read it) was 4 years ago (give or take) so i do not have the beautifully tinged nostalgia for the series others might. i say this only bc it colours my thoughts of the series pretty well lmao.

the anime is alot better than the manga just by virture of bones' animation being incredible but also its like 40% less painfully fucking horny (though still is its shounen) and the way some of that plot goes in the second half is so fucking bad in the manga (though not all, but god). It's not like the anime gets rid of everything like that stupid ass argument black star has with maka still makes me want to murder him but ultimately i like the anime and its writing more. i think my minds canon is just a meld of parts i like from both lol.

ohkubo is also just on my top ten list of mangaka i need to actually kill like hes a solid #3 on the needs to die list. his designs and art improvement were fun to watch and i do love halloween world and his toony stuff, undeniably bangs, but you can really tell by the end where his transformation into horny moe artist came from. sometimes i see people shocked by this and soul eater not's existence and i have to think did we read the same fucking manga...??

sorry i needed to get my bitching out before talking about stein. i love stein. so many things wrong with him. he is 70% of the reason i got around to watching it and 95% of the reason i kept reading it. i think how expressive he is is alot of his charm, like he does alot of moe body language you might not expect of his type of chara.

hes #crazy and #madscientist and #edgy and #insaneasylum but also very silly and whimsical... kind of emblematic of the world of soul eater at large actually, this is also alot of the other characters appeal in this universe too (DEATH THE KID).

he's obsessive, hes empathetic, hes also sadistic, hes got a screw in his head, megane, fun with kids, perfect man. hes also got both an equal capacity for getting worse and better in him which can be fun to think about in either direction, and you've got characters that do influence him either way for that in the series. im also kind of remembering clicking the screw in his head is to help somewhat deal with his mental state actually, king of the disability aid...(?)

you can treat his character very seriously or lightheartedly, i think the writing in both versions maintains that balance well. It also makes everyone else who actually sticks around him somewhat deranged too (the fact he did surgery on spirit at school but spirit still interacts like pretty normally at work with him after meeting again. lmfao. THEY WENT DRINKING TOO) the fact he still calls spirit senpai also is so funny. its like 40% a dig at him but also 60% genuine. i hate gay people btw.

i like the thought that he was more stoic when he was younger but as he got older stopped trying to hide his eccentricities as much, and became more expressive lol. younger stein to me is a guy screaming in his head 247 but looking like 😐 while spirit stares at him trying to decipher what his eyelid twitching today means.

[steddieas-shegoes]

For the requests: traumatized steve & eddie going to a wolf sanctuary and eddie watching steve basically live with the wolves in their area. And the one wolf,the one that hated everyone, the one who meaner and didn't get along with anyone to its cruel abusive situation (perhaps it was raised from puppyhood and onwards by people who used it in dogfighting, before it was rescued, that wolf, goes right up to Steve and sits by him. Giving him comfort. When Steve has bad nightmares he goes to that wolf's pen and they sleep cuddled together bc that wolf also has nightmares. (It can also be a wolfdog)

AS ALWAYS YOU COME THROUGH WITH SOMETHING FUN AND CREATIVE AND AS ALWAYS I MAKE IT EMOTIONAL AS SHIT!!! I was feelin' some type of way yesterday and started on this at peak emotional upheaval, which is really something I don't recommend. As many things tend to do, this got away from me and I think I could've still let it keep going, but I had to cut it off. Hope you love it!!! - Mickala ❤️

-----------------------------------------------

It was Robin’s idea.

She knew therapy wasn’t working. She knew firsthand that the nightmares, especially Steve’s, were impossible to handle some nights.

She stayed with him enough after the Russians to know he was averaging four hours of restless sleep on a good night.

And now that he’d seen the horrors of the Upside Down, and Eddie almost dying, and Max almost dying, and the guilt of just existing, they were worse.

Eddie had them, but he was usually able to calm down relatively quickly, usually even fall back into a dreamless sleep after.

His problem was just seeing the bats everywhere, even when he was awake. A large bird would fly by and he was ducking for cover like a bomb would be dropped on him. He’d hear screeching, sometimes even just kids yelling at the park, and he’d have a panic attack.

Drastically different problems, but Robin said this could help with both of them.

So Steve and Eddie stood outside the wolf sanctuary, staring at the front office entrance where they were told to check in.

They glanced at each other, waiting for the other to make the first move.

It’s not that they were scared. They’d been told about the process on the phone in great detail, the sanctuary director answering all of their questions in a friendly tone.

She’d said that the wolf sanctuary had been used as a form of therapy for people for years now, though many psychiatrists didn’t consider it an appropriate treatment.

Considering Steve and Eddie had been seeing a professional psychiatrist for months now with no progress and serious weight loss and migraines from their prescriptions, they were willing to give this a fair shot.

But their fear that it wouldn’t work kept circling through their minds.

If this didn’t work, they weren’t sure what else they could possibly try.

That was terrifying.

They were supposed to stay for a month, with the option of extending the stay if they felt they needed it.

It was expensive.

But this was on the US government, and Eddie was always quick to spend their money for his benefit.

Steve was just along for the ride.

They walked in together, both nervously looking around at the chairs and desks, bookshelves, pictures of wolves and mountains on the walls, and one small, gray-haired woman at the front desk.

“Oh, aren’t you two precious! Which one’s Steve and which one’s Eddie?”

“I’m Steve,” Eddie smirked as he held out his hand.

Steve smacked his arm.

“He’s Eddie, and he’s probably gonna be this way the whole time. Sorry in advance,” Steve told the woman.

“This is wonderful! You’ll be fun to have around. I’m Fran, I run the front office. I spoke to you the other day on the phone a bit about the check in. Are you boys ready?”

They both nodded.

She clapped her hands together in excitement.

Steve could tell Eddie loved her. She was full of theatrics like he was, every word punctuated by an exaggerated movement.

“First, the boring part. We did some of the first part over the phone, but these packets need to be filled out completely and given back to me. You can have a seat anywhere to do those. When that’s done, I’ll show you where to bring your bags so you can unpack and get comfortable. We can do a tour before dinner.”

She placed the packets on the desk in front of her, then took two pens out of a mug and placed them down too.

“If you have any questions, let me know. You two are just the cutest!”

She walked through a small doorway a few feet behind her desk and they grabbed the packets to start filling them out.

The first page was basic personal information, which had been filled out already. The second page was emergency contact information and how they were referred. But the third page is where it got difficult.

It has questions like “What is your worst memory?” and “Who is the person you would most expect to protect you in a life or death situation? Why?”

And while Eddie and Steve could probably answer those easily from terrible experiences, there was a lot they weren’t allowed to say.

So they just stuck with the official government stories for any and all Upside Down related parts, which was most of them.

Fran bustled back in, two steaming mugs in her hands. She set them on her desk carefully and then walked over to where Eddie was sitting.

“How’s it going?”

“Good. Almost done,” he smiled up at her.

“And you, dear?” She asked Steve.

“Good. I’m sorry I write kind of slow.”

Steve’s face was red, like he was embarrassed. Eddie watched as he focused on the paper in front of him, his hand moving slowly across the paper.

Steve’s concussions had a lot of lasting effects; migraines and one ear that was barely working, the occasional speech delay, and an inconvenient struggle with writing, especially if it was answering questions about himself like this.

Eddie distracted Fran as he wrote his last answer, talking to her about her favorite part of the sanctuary and how long she’s been working here.

He handed the packet to her when he was done, glancing over at Steve to see he was just starting on the last page.

“Hey, Fran, would it be okay if you helped me get our bags from the car while Steve finishes up?”

Steve sent him a grateful smile as he continued answering the questions on the paper.

As he walked with Fran to the car, she touched his arm.

“He’s got a lot going on, doesn’t he?”

“Yeah. He’s been dealing with this a lot longer than I have,” Eddie smiled sadly at her, touching her hand to accept the comfort she was giving and give some in return. “I hope this works for both of us, but I’d be happy as long as it works for him.”

“You care a lot about him.”

It wasn’t a question, and her tone wasn’t judging, but Eddie could just tell. He should panic, he should tell her it wasn’t like that. And it wasn’t for Steve.

But he’d been hiding it for so long, and somehow successfully, he couldn’t lie to her.

“I love him. He doesn’t know how much. I did this for him, mostly. I mean I want it to help me too, but I know he wouldn’t have tried this if I didn’t come and he,” Eddie sighed. “He needs this. He can’t keep going like he has been.”

Fran pulled him into a hug and he did all he could not to start crying.

“He’s lucky to have you on his side no matter what, darling. And I’d bet anything he thinks the same of you,” she said softly.

“I don’t think it’s quite the same. He loves me like a friend, but he’s not…not like me.”

Gay. He wasn’t gay. Or even a little into men. Eddie was sure of that.

Fran pulled away and just smiled at him.

“Okay, then. Let’s get these bags inside.”

They managed to bring everything in in one trip, and by the time they made it back inside, Steve was done with his packet.

“Alright!” Fran clapped her hands together in excitement. “To your room!”

Eddie’s eyes widened.

“Room? Like, just one?”

“Yep! The other room we have for long-term residents is already taken for the next few weeks. Will that be okay?”

She was smiling innocently at Eddie, who knew she knew why he was suddenly panicking.

“That’s fine. We end up sharing a room all the time, right, Eds?” Steve asked as he grabbed his own bags from the floor.

“Uh. Yep. Totally fine.”

“Great!”

She led them out the back of the front office, down the sidewalk that led to a row of small buildings.

“This first building is storage. The next one is the short-term stays, usually people who donate frequently to keep us running, staying for a night or two to see where their money goes. This next building is for long-term stays. That’s you two. It’s split into a duplex, so you’ll have basically a studio apartment in there. Kitchen, bathroom, living area with a sectioned off area as the bedroom. You each will have a key, but keep in mind that the director also has a key for emergencies. The janitorial staff only goes if requested, so let me know if you feel it needs a sprucing up or you need new sheets or anything. Fridge is stocked and gets restocked every two weeks.” She paused as they made it to the steps to the building. “Oh! We don’t technically have a curfew for the guests. You’re adults and we trust you on your journey here. But we do ask that you try to be back no later than 11, as we often shut off many of the trail lights by midnight to ensure the animals have the closest replica of the wild as possible.”

Steve and Eddie nodded, eyes wide at all the information being thrown at them so quickly.

“Your room has a phone of course. You’re free to use as often as you’d like. Pressing 1 gets you in touch with the front office, 2 is for security, 3 is for the director’s office. I recommend calling the front office unless it’s an emergency so we can get in touch with the right people for you. After your tour, you’ll have free reign over the entire sanctuary except for anywhere marked employees and volunteers only. That’s for your safety, of course. We encourage you to be a part of some of the educational tours and seminars that we offer to the general public as well as enjoy time on your own with the wolves. Volunteers are here every day from 9 to 5, and the employees who help care for the wolves stay until 11. We have security here 24/7, but the director usually has a couple people on staff remain after regular hours in case of an animal emergency.”

This felt a little overwhelming, but he could already tell Steve was more relaxed here than he’d been anywhere else since he met him.

“I work when they need me, but my home number is by the phone in there for you just in case you need a chat. I retired a couple years ago so I spend a lot of my time at home with my dog. You’re never a bother, okay?”

They both nodded.

She hugged them both, handed them their keys, and started to walk away.

“Your tour will be in about an hour. James is running it today. You’ll love him!”

She was gone before they could even respond, so they looked back to each other and shrugged before heading inside.

The main door was unlocked, but the door inside marked with a “2” was locked. Steve unlocked it and pushed the door open.

The apartment was nice, but small, smaller than either of them had expected.

“Guess we’ll be getting pretty close for the next month, huh?” Steve joked.

Eddie’s heart was in his throat.

He could see the “bedroom” from where he stood. It was one queen sized bed. One.

“Um. Yep. Guess so. I can take the couch,” Eddie rushed out.

Steve clearly hadn’t seen the sleeping arrangement yet or he would have probably offered. He’s a self-sacrificing idiot, so Eddie had to rush to offer before he could.

“What? Why?”

Eddie gestured towards the bed.

“There’s plenty of room for both of us, dude. A month on the couch isn’t exactly gonna help with the nightmares.”

“It looks pretty cozy.”

Steve just stared at him, brows raised like Eddie was an idiot.

He was an idiot, but he didn’t need Steve thinking it.

“Eddie. Seriously. We can share a bed.”

Steve wouldn’t let him win, it’s just not who Steve was.

“Okay, okay! Let’s just unpack so we can go see some wolves or whatever.”

They unpacked in silence, Steve taking the spot closest to the door without Eddie having a choice.

Self-sacrificing idiot.

—--------------

James knocked on their door at exactly 4:00, like he’d been standing there waiting for the clock to change over from 3:59.

“Hello! I’m James. You’re Steve and Eddie?”

They all shook hands and James started explaining things quickly.

James was only a bit older than them, wearing a volunteer shirt that had seen better days, and had the energy of Dustin.

“So! I’m gonna show you the lay of the land, you can ask me questions, I can try to answer them, and then I can drop you off back here so you can eat. The first night can be a bit of an adjustment, so feel free to give me a call if you have trouble. My number is under Fran’s,” James spoke rapid-fire, but not so fast they couldn’t keep up. They were used to that, anyway.

“So to start, everything you guys really need is along this main trail.” He pointed the way they came earlier and then the other direction. “That way leads to our nutrition area for the wolves, which you are welcome to visit anytime during the day to help or feed some of the rehabilitated wolves in the building nextdoor which is the hospital. The hospital is only open to the guests staying here and employees from 12-5, just because much of the mornings are spent performing surgeries or checkups. You’re encouraged to spend time with any of the wolves there in recovery as it helps their spirits much like a person. But if you take the left at the fork in this trail, you’ll be led to other trails. The first one is the wolf enclosures, which I’m taking you to now.” He kept walking as he spoke, moving his hands constantly, big smile keeping Eddie and Steve enthralled.

“We have one specifically for the ones we’ve rescued who are still healing from injuries, and that one is off limits to everyone between dusk and dawn. Many of these wolves are relearning how to be wild and part of that is using the night to hunt. Being in their cage during those times could be dangerous. They wouldn’t necessarily eat you,” he paused to laugh. “But they may take a bite. Now! The second enclosure is where we keep Herald. You can laugh at his name.” Eddie let out a small laugh.

“Herald had a rough upbringing. He was rescued about six months ago from a traveling circus that had abused him for at least a few years. We think he’s about 5 years old, but can’t be 100% certain. He’s hesitant around all people, even the director. He can be very unpredictable, so only the director, vet, and head nutritionist are allowed in there. You’re welcome to visit from the outside anytime you’d like though! He’s shy, but it can’t hurt having people talk to him.”

James was walking pretty quickly, and if Steve wasn’t so in shape, he’d be struggling. He looked over at Eddie. Eddie was struggling a little, but didn’t want to stop or slow down.

“And the last enclosure is for the rest of the wolves. These are ones that may be reintroduced to the wild soon or who may have been rescued without injuries, but just aren’t ready to go yet. This enclosure has a few areas for public access. The first being the feeding area, the second being the petting area. The petting area is only able to be accessed when employees or volunteers are present. The third area is only for guests staying long term such as yourselves.”

James walked them through a gate off to the side of the enclosure.

“This area is my favorite in the whole sanctuary. It’s their den area. It’s not recommended to come alone, and you should always go to the petting area to meet them first, but this area is nice for anyone who wants to feel like a part of the pack.”

“We can go in there?”

“Again, it’s definitely recommended to meet the wolves in the petting area first, maybe feed them a few times to show them you’re a friend, but yes.”

“Huh.”

Eddie watched Steve’s reaction.

This was much more involved than they expected to be.

“So that’s the enclosures! The next part of this trail leads to a walking and biking trail that is a great way to see some nature without having to leave the area. It’s snake season, though, so make sure you know your snake safety beforehand and bring the provided whistle with you in case of an emergency. Volunteers and employees are always within hearing distance during normal hours and can usually respond within 3-4 minutes.”

“Could we go back to Herald?”

Eddie’s head snapped to Steve, who was looking at James with a kind smile.

“Oh. Well, sure. The only other thing I needed to show you was the trail leading to the lake, but we can go back after.”

So James backtracked, Steve and Eddie close on his heels.

They got to the enclosure with Herald, but didn’t see him.

“He likes to hide. Especially if it isn’t close to meal time, he doesn’t usually come close to the fence. His den is hidden away.”

Steve kept walking up to the fence as James spoke, Eddie watching and trying to figure out what was going on.

“Herald? You there?” Steve called gently into the fence. Wolves had excellent hearing, and he’d probably already heard them approach. “You can come say hi if you want to.”

Eddie stood next to Steve, looking out at the area in the enclosure. There was a good mix of forest and empty area, with plenty of things that were probably used as toys scattered around. He watched for any sign of movement, listened for any trotting over.

Nothing.

Steve looked incredibly disappointed, but James walked closer and gave them both a smile.

“Like I said, Herald isn’t very social and it’s nothing personal. He doesn’t even seem to like the director and all the wolves love her.”

But Eddie knew Steve. He knew that he wasn’t gonna let that shit go.

“Alright! Shall we head to the trail by the lake?”

Eddie watched as Steve sighed, but nodded.

—--------------

Steve cooked them dinner that evening, said it helped him relax and that he would feel more at home if he got into a routine.

Eddie wouldn’t complain; He loved Steve’s cooking.

He made a basic spaghetti dish, even toasted some bread and sprinkled some garlic powder on it to make garlic bread.

They sat at the small table by the front door and ate in silence.

“It’s really quiet here.”

Eddie looked up to see Steve staring down at his plate, biting his lip nervously.

“It’s kind of nice though. Peaceful.”

“Yeah.”

Eddie knew what he was worried about.

He was worried the silence would make him have more nightmares instead of less, that he’d be left with nothing to help him if this failed.

“Hey,” Eddie reached over and patted Steve’s hand that rested on the table. “I’m here, alright? You won’t be alone.”

“Yeah,” Steve agreed, only slightly relaxing back into his seat.

—--------------

The next day was relaxed.

They walked along the main trail after breakfast, happy to see Fran again and meet some new people.

They stopped at Herald’s enclosure, but still didn’t see or hear him.

Steve was disappointed, but it was hidden away when they were able to feed and pet some of the other wolves before lunch.

The wolves were all beautiful, clearly well taken care of, and even the ones still in recovery were cleaned, well-fed, and cared for by the team.

Eddie quickly had a favorite: Mabel. She was an “old woman” as the employee at the feeding area said. She was 12 years old, had been brought in from the side of the road after being hit. She had had a broken leg and many broken ribs, along with cuts that needed stitches. Not the worst they’d seen, but due to her being nearly 11 at the time, they didn’t expect her to pull through. She did though, and had quickly become known as the leader of the group. All the wolves respected her, it was clear even to Eddie and Steve. She was the first to the feeding area, the first to the petting area, and would often stand guard over the others as they went into the shared spaces.

She was light brown with gray speckled throughout, her scars visible, but mostly covered with hair.

Steve loved Mabel, too, but he still had his heart set on Herald.

Eddie wasn’t stupid. He knew why Steve was so fixated on him.

Someone who was abused and hidden away and expected to perform every day for crowds of people? Yeah, Steve and Herald had quite a bit in common.

He just didn’t want him to get his hopes up for nothing.

After lunch, they decided to walk over to the nutrition center, maybe learn something new.

It was educational, and fun, and Eddie said multiple times how much he wished actual school had been like this.

The nutritionists let them help set up all the wolves’ dinners, showing them portion sizes for each of the wolves, telling them what the wolves’ favorites were. How they celebrated birthdays for them.

It was fun. Steve even cracked some smiles throughout.

—--------------

That night was rough.

Steve had fallen asleep quickly, much to Eddie’s delight, but it didn’t last long.

Eddie was woken up not long after he fell asleep by whimpering. He glanced at the alarm clock by the bed. 10:38. Barely an hour.

He knew from experience that waking Steve up would just make things worse for him, so he gently set his hand on Steve’s side, the best support he could give right now.

It physically pained Eddie to watch Steve’s face tighten in fear and sadness, whatever his nightmare was this time painting a horrifying picture he couldn’t escape.

Steve had mentioned once that his worst nightmares weren’t even about reliving anything that happened. They weren’t anyone dying, though he had those too. They weren’t even him dying.

They were everyone turning on him, finally seeing he wasn’t worth their time or effort, leaving him alone in that big empty house just like his parents did. He said the worst part was when Robin and Eddie left in the nightmare. When they looked at him with disgust and said he wasn’t good enough for the kids, and he damn sure wasn’t good enough for them.

No matter how many times they told him that would never be true, he still had them.

Ten minutes went by, agonizingly slowly, tears falling down Steve’s face. Eddie was whispering words of comfort, hoping that somehow Steve could hear him, but knowing he probably couldn’t.

But finally, Steve’s eyes opened, the whimpering stopped, and he was no longer hearing and seeing what hurt him the most.

He sat up and wiped his eyes, but the tears kept coming and his breathing was still labored.

Eddie sat up with him, hand on his arm, thumb rubbing back and forth to keep him present.

“I think I need to walk it off,” Steve said, voice wet with tears still to come.

“Okay. Do you want me to come with you?”

Steve shook his head.

“No, go back to sleep. I’ll only be out for a few minutes.”

And as much as Eddie knew that was a lie, and knew he should probably go with Steve, he had to trust him.

He’d be safe. He had to be.

—--------------

Steve walked aimlessly up and down the main trail for 10 minutes, trying to breathe in the fresh air, focus on his surroundings.

It wasn’t working as well as he’d hoped, but it was better than staying in bed and letting Eddie see him like this.

Eddie was too kind, always. He was bright, like the sun and the stars and the moon on a clear night. He was everything. And if Steve let himself be too vulnerable, too much, Eddie would take that light.

He lost track of where he was going, his breaths coming in sharper pants now as he let more tears fall.

A noise made him freeze.

Leaves rustling.

He looked up to see Herald’s enclosure in front of him. And…

Herald.

Herald was huge, much bigger than any of the other wolves they’d seen so far. He was beautiful. Scars along his legs showing that he had been abused awfully before coming here, but the rest of him glowed with health. He was standing about eight feet from the fence, trying to hide some of his body still behind the bushes along the forest line.

Steve slowly made his way to the fence, his hands up to show he wasn’t going to cause any harm.

Herald didn’t come closer, but he didn’t back or run away either.

Steve counted that as a win.

He instantly slumped to the ground at the fence, his hands and head resting against the chain links like they were the only thing keeping him upright. Maybe they were.

Steve closed his eyes.

He was so focused on staying calm, he couldn’t hear Herald approach. But he suddenly felt a cold, wet nose against his head.

He didn’t panic, he didn’t want to scare Herald, but he realized suddenly that his fingers were very much easily accessed by sharp teeth.

He let Herald sniff him, then slowly looked up.

Herald was tilting his head at him, almost as if he was asking if he was okay.

That made Steve sob.

Herald jumped slightly, but then moved so he was completely against the fence, laying down so his warm body could be against Steve’s.

Steve slowly let his hands fall, reaching through the fence slowly to let them rest in Herald’s fur.

He felt the wolf sigh, and he couldn’t help but laugh.

“Yeah, I get it. Sometimes it’s nice to have someone care, huh? You’re so soft,” Steve whispered, knowing Herald was still not completely relaxed around him.

“You tired?”

Steve felt a little silly for asking a wolf a question, but he felt even sillier when he realized Herald had just moved his head up and down. It was probably a coincidence, but the timing was crazy.

“Me too. We should get some sleep.”

Herald huffed and rolled his head back against the fence.

“Want me to stay?”

Herald huffed again.

“Okay.”

So Steve stayed.

He sat down on the ground, back against the fence, and listened to the crickets and the steady breaths of Herald.

He was woken up by Eddie shaking him and a growl coming from behind him.

“Steve! Jesus, I thought you’d got lost or died or something.”

“How long have I been out here?”

“It’s nearly two in the morning!”

Herald was growling behind him, protectively pacing behind Steve like he would find a way to get through the fence if Eddie tried to hurt him.

“Hey, Herald, it’s okay. This is Eddie. He’s here with me. He’s my friend,” Steve said calmly, holding his hand through the fence so Herald could sniff him and see he was okay.

“Steve! Get your hand out of there. He isn’t friendly, remember?”

“Oh, please. He just slept by me for hours and let me hold his fur like he was a stuffed animal. He’s plenty friendly.”

Eddie just stared, jaw slack, as he realized Steve was right.

Herald was licking Steve’s hand, leaving his scent on him like he was trying to provide as much protection as possible.

“You made friends with the only wolf here who hates people. Unbelievable.”

“Hey, be nice. He just needs some love is all.”

Eddie nodded. Yeah, him and another person with a name that started with S and rhymed with sleeve.

Eddie’s heart had been racing for the last 15 minutes since he woke up and realized Steve wasn’t in bed next to him or anywhere in the apartment.

He finally took a deep breath, balling his shaking hands into fists and stuffing them into the pocket of his hoodie.

“We should head back inside, Stevie.”

Steve seemed to notice Eddie wasn’t doing so great.

“I’m alright, Eds. Hey, look at me.” Eddie looked at Steve’s face, the way he seemed more relaxed than when he first left after his nightmare. “I’m okay. I must have fallen asleep.”

Eddie took a deep breath, resting his head against Steve’s shoulder as he let it out.

“I thought you were gone.”

“Nah, you can’t get rid of me now.”

“No?”

“Nope. Herald and I are just good friends, but you’re still-” Steve cut himself off, but Eddie wasn’t going to let that pass.

“What?”

“Nothing. Not important.”

“Yeah it is. Tell me.”

Steve seemed nervous, and Herald must have sensed it because he let out a low growl.

“It’s just that you mean a lot to me. Kind of everything, actually.”

Eddie couldn’t breathe.

What did that even mean?

Steve’s hand was suddenly in his hair, playing with the ends the way Eddie did when he was nervous.

“You’re just. I mean, how could you not mean the world to me? You dropped everything to come here with me because you knew I wouldn’t do it alone, Eds. You bring me candy at work even though I literally have access to all the candy I want at the counter. You let me find reasons not to watch the scary movies on movie nights when Dustin picks because you know I can’t handle them. You swim in the pool with me alone so no one knows how much I still hate it. I…you’re just…”

Eddie didn’t let him stutter any more, knowing what he was saying without actually saying it.

He knew what Steve was afraid of, and he wasn’t going to let him be scared anymore.

“Steve. I love you. That’s why I do all that. I love you. I’m in love with you. You deserve more than what I can give, but I can keep giving you all of the love I have, and hopefully that will be enough.”

Steve’s lips were on his before he finished speaking, teeth clacking together at the force of it.

Herald huffed, but they didn’t stop. Eddie didn’t know how he was supposed to now that he had Steve’s lips on his.

He never wanted them gone.

His hands reached up to Steve’s neck, cradling his jaw between them as if he was holding something precious. He was.

“I love you so much,” Steve said against his lips, melting against Eddie.

“I love you, Stevie,” Eddie said back. He planted another soft kiss to his lips before resting their foreheads together. “Let’s go back to bed, okay? We can come see Herald after breakfast.”

Steve nodded and turned to Herald.

“I’ll be back. Don’t hide from me, okay?”

He reached in to give Herald’s head a scratch, and Eddie shook his head in disbelief.

It took less than 48 hours for Steve to have the one wolf in this sanctuary who didn’t like people completely wrapped around his finger.

But Eddie could relate.

Steve’s charm was damn near impossible to resist and now he didn’t have to try.

[disaster-j]

Let us make one thing very clear

Eddie is NOT OKAY with Gerard's bs behaviour

I don't need to watch the episode to know that's not what this is about. I've been with this character for six seasons I have followed him through quite a harrowing journey for six years of his life. I know the kind of person Eddie Diaz is and if you've watched this show you should too.

Eddie would never be OKAY with anything Gerard says or does. But Eddie spent most of his life struggling under his parents' expectations and Eddie has an army background and Eddie has been shown to be someone who is not comfortable with going against authority figures. It's part of why his argument with Bobby in s5 was so impactful and made it so clear that he was acting off. Because Eddie Diaz, as much as he is a fighter in his personal life, is a follower in the workspace.

On top of that, unlike Buck who is new to belonging to a minority and hasn't had to ever face bigotry targeted towards him, Eddie grew up with the last name Diaz in small-town Texas. He's very well acquainted with bigotry and has a better understanding of when fighting back works and when it will just blow up in your own face.

We saw in Hen Begins that while Hen fighting back was important to inspire the others to also fight back against Gerard, it wasn't until Chim, Sal and Tommy sent in complaints that they were able to make any kind of progress on the official front. In a situation like this it goes beyond just strength in numbers. You cannot fight it out alone without fucking up your own career. Take it from a queer woman working in a problematic environment in a patriarchal country, it's much easier to lose your job for standing up for yourself than it is to keep your head down and try to just get through the day.

And Gerard? Has the full support of a politician with a personal grudge. Think about it. What is Buck really gonna accomplish by yelling it out with Gerard on the fire station floor? Is it gonna help the situation or make everything that much worse for himself and possibly the others too? Is there perhaps a better way to deal with Gerard that doesn't risk losing their jobs which requires keeping your head down around the guy?

Bc trust me, if I hated my boss and wanted him out. I would not give him a reason to suspect me when he still has power over me. It's what Chim, Sal and Tommy did and it saved Hen's career and contributed to Gerard getting kicked tf out.

My point being. Yes it's good to stand up for what's right. But sometimes it's necessary to keep your head down and not get into useless arguments with someone who is not only incapable of understanding anyone's perspective other than their own but will also gladly ruin your life and career just bc he felt mildy provoked by your existence.

[pilferingapples]

started re-watching LM 2K with some friends who also make terrible life choices

went in honestly thinking , Hey! maybe I am forgetting things! Maybe it's not as bad as I remember it being!

well 1.5 hours into this 8 hour fever dream and I can say. I was forgetting things all right! quite a lot of things! but whoo boy I owe Past Me an apology, this is bad and every new Thing I Had Blocked Out Of My Mind makes it worse

Thoughts, While I Have Them:

why does it start literally on fire

I'll give John Malkovert this: he does seem disturbingly horny for the idea of inherent traits and inborn social hierarchy. Beeblevert didn't really seem to know what to do with his phrenology displays; Malkovert whispers to them lovingly at night and probably licks them. This guy feels about eugenics like Grantaire feels about Enjolras. This guy is messed up.

( ...filmmakers know that when they've got someone with lots of human skull measurements and phrenology and Types of Human displays, they're saying that character is into eugenics, right? I'm not saying it's a bad move, it can be very accurate and telling ,but like. They get what that's doing there, right? RIGHT???)

The dialogue...is bad.... it's so bad...

"yellow is the color of happiness"

this timeline is a shambles. Fantine doesn't have Cosette until after Tholomyes is gone, and then apparently holds out for YEARS in Paris, since Cosette is if anything a little older than her book age when Fantine meets the Ts; meanwhile Valjean doesn't get out of prison until AFTER Fantine has moved to M-sur-M. Which of course means there's no factory for her to work at!

...but then after Valjean (very intentionally) steals from Petit Gervais, we cut to Fantine working in the factory. The Nettle Cloth factory . Which means Fantine was doing SOMETHING before Valjean showed up to Disrupt the industry with his Tech Breakthrough but like. What. If she was doing something else then why doesn't she go do that some more after she's fired? Because she very much doesn't, she goes right to attempting sex work...badly

like trying it with Javert first Badly

and then he threatens to arrest her but doesn't?? who is this man, what kind of Javert is he ffs . Letting a Poor go unarrested? Seriously this doesn't even scan with his characterization in this series

Instead he starts stalking Fantine and giving her Helpful Hints. He comes in right after she has a client?? and tells her to go to the circus??

She goes and finds the dentist and tries to get him to pull TEN of her teeth bc for no reason he's giving 4 francs a tooth instead of 20 for the fronts. The dentist is the only character in this show with sense and says NO THAT'S TOO MANY TEETH, and he just cuts her hair instead And listen we've got another Fantine with Mostly Straight Brown Hair , it's not even that long, and I'm sorry but there's NO WAY that's worth more than teeth, why do adaptations keep doing this

also why do they keep making Fantine so passive, so dependent on people telling her what to do? She makes bad choices sometimes--often even!-- but she Makes Decisions and fast, she goes all in without any pushing, that is a defining part of Fantine's character! but everything she does here gotta be because someone told her she Should

another one where Javert inexplicably goes to M sur M to see Cosette. Why? What possible reason for this?? he almost seems like he has a weird crush on Fantine rather than JVJ but that's. That's incoherent, for this character. even in this series!!

I've written so much and haven't even gotten to Valjean officiating a wedding for, apparently, a famous former sex worker in the town ? this is mentioned once and I don't think it'll ever be relevant again

1.5 hours in, Points For: a very cute little donkey, Petit Gervais having his Marmot, some very nice architecture, Baptistine existing

Unpoints for: everyone's bafflingly inconsistent characterization, the absolute mess of a timeline, Myriel still living in the palace but letting homeless people sleep on the floor?? , lots of very pointless Walking Around Time , Thenardier Sex , why do directors think I want to see them get it on, Please Stop

[brw]

sorry for bringing up c*rebrocast but i was listening to an episode a few weeks ago and the host said marvel killed off the morlocks (?? i think? i'm actually not an x-men reader, i was listening for the guest) in part bc their existence, from an editorial pov, "made the avengers and ff look even worse for not doing anything about this" and like. i promise you no one cares. there's not a single person out there who's gonna stop buying fantastic four comics bc they're upset the morlocks issue isn't being addressed properly, i mean holy shit. even when trying to look at things "doylistically" they still can't comprehend other franchises have their own shit to deal with.

sometimes i wish the x-men lived in their own separate universe in the comics like they do in most adaptations. the mutant metaphor would make a lot more sense without other superpowered people around, and we wouldn't have to deal with takes like this

Ignoring everything else, it's also just an incredibly naive and infantilising way to look at your writers? They killed off the Morlocks because the writers thought it would be an emotionally resonant, impactful moment that would teach its heroes something and push stories and narratives forward. They did not do it because Roger Stern or whoever was on the Avengers title at the time nudged Claremont and said "Hey, can you kill off all the Morlocks, they're making my guys look bad", he was too busy writing every Avengers man desperately wanting to fuck Monica Rambeau. He didn't care about that.

What happens in X-Men comics ultimately happens because the X-Men writers want it to. And it's a mark of good writing that it gets people so invested in the universe they have built, don't get me wrong, but when actually trying to have a conversation with an Actual Human Being, saying that a fictional group of heroes are Bad for not helping with a corner of the universe that is not theirs is both immature and reflects an inability to engage with the Doyalist reality as opposed to the Watsonian argument. And it is incredibly strange to act as if writers are somehow not responsible for their own stories and what they choose to depict, with things instead being blamed on Big Bad Avengers Writers, when like, no, they were too busy doing their jobs. The success of the Avengers does not hinge on what the X-Men are doing, and vice versa. They depict different occurrences and different fights because those are ultimately what the writers find interesting and chose to depict, not because they're actively spitting on one another and saying "fuck that guy" in between the grid lines of the comic.

[sickficideas]

omg maybelle im so sorry to hear that youre going through it … my liege we love you !!! i am also going through it, i feel you, we can be in these trenches together. may i offer you some assorted chronic pain hcs in the meantime:

atsushi is my chronic pain PRINCESS, especially his leg/knee because he is ALWAYS GETTING HIS LEG CUT OFF /STABBED / ETC WTF !! So i think he has one bad/weak knee (i dont remember which it is in the anime but i like to think its the left 1 bc thats My bad leg) and he sometimes has to wear a knee brace on bad pain days. i feel like everyone in the ada office slowly starts to clock in on when atsushi’s doing bad even just by how he walks in the door, cos even tho he tries to hide it he unconsciously shifts his weight around depending on his pain that day. so i think they do little things for him— bringing his papers to his desk rather than having him get up, trying to only send him on errands to single-story buildings/buildings with elevators and so on. i love the ada family that is always shifting just so how it functions to accommodate for the people within ❤️

chuuya is also my chronic pain princess but more full-body… ive always imagined that the genetic testing and experimentation fucked him UP along with being in a body that wasn’t meant to have an ability. so i think chuuya has all different joints that get achey all the time and hes just learnt to compartmentalize that shooting pain until he gets a chance to sit down in his office for a while. my poor overworked little meow meow. i think he also uses his ability to try to make it better! to take weight off of specific joints when hes walking/moving so that its less painful. and this is just One facet of my literal list of post corruption chuuya hcs do NOT get me started

i also feel similarly about sigma what with the not being a natural human, so i think sigma’s body just. Is Wrong sometimes, like it remembers that it wasn’t really supposed to exist. he’ll crack his neck or his back and then have to do it a couple more times until something clicks back into place. i also think sigma has bad eyesight… projecting glasses onto him too. in my mind ever member of kunichuusigzai needs glasses to some degree dazai just never wears his because he cant be assed and chuuya only wears his in the office.

other characters i have less developed chronic pain hcs about but like i Know they have it are poe, mushitaro and both of the akutagawas… ryuu especially though of course like ofc he always has chest pain that branches out to his back and neck and shoulders. of COURSE!!

ANYWAYS OMG IM SO SORRY FOR YAPPING SO MUCH ive just been brewing these thoughts for a while LOL i hope u feel better soon maybelle 🌼🌼🌼🌼 faithfully yours @s2reason-living

THESE ARE SO GOOD!!!! I'm so sorry it took me a while to get to these but they're so good and I love getting love headcanon messages from other people this is beautiful....

I am mentally adopting the Atsushi bad left knee headcanon....it makes so much sense and I love the idea of it being like quietly noticed by others and they help accommodate him 💖 and Chuuya😭😭😭 post corruption Chuuya has incredible potential I loved everything you mentioned and I love the idea of it getting worse over time....my poor sweet prince

Sigmas body being Different makes so much sense too and the bad eyesight HARD AGREE !! He has no idea for a long time until Dazai points out he needs glasses and he's like what??? When we finally gets a pair his life is changed...and don't get me started on chronlc pain Akutagawa AHHHGHH you're so genius from chest pain yes....my poor baby

[llatimeria]

why are upstairs neighbors the way they are. i know this is long but can somebody please . please read this and give me a reality check

the last few people who rented the apartment above us were annoying too but it pales in comparison to whoever lives there now. Every single fucking day, usually in the evenings or late afternoons, they do ... Something. it could be sex or some kind of exercise or any other number of things. It's just a lot of THUD THUD THUD THUD THUDs on and off for half an hour to an hour and a half. Today it started at 8pm and lasted til 9 but the last time I made a note of the time it happened around 3pm as I was trying to do homework.

It feels like the whole ceiling shakes. I swear sometimes it fucks with the air pressure in my ears, which is really hard to notice until it's driving me insane, like a grain of sand in my sock. It's started to stress out our dog, which just makes her start barking (and she's clearly barking at the ceiling), but her barking is in itself overstimulating, which stresses us out more, which she picks up on, which just makes her bark more because she's baby and doesn't like it when her dads are anxious.

The thudding alone can be enough to overstimulate us, but combined with the barking and coincidental other neighbor noises that don't usually bother us, it's... Extremely draining. We're both neurodivergent people with PTSD. Loud, unpredictable noises don't really mix well with us. On more than one occasion my partner's had full blown anxiety attacks bc of the combination of sudden loud noises (a known trigger for them) and the overstimulation (another known trigger for them). We like. Actively can't keep living like this. lmao. I cannot stress enough how it is every day and never quite at the exact same time so we can emotionally prepare for it, and it's not like we should have to prepare to exist in our own living room anyways.

Anyways I just need to purge all of my anxieties and get a reality check about this. Help

We could just be stupid and unreasonable and should just grow up and get over it, and will be fully confronted with that if we do anything.

We might just open ourselves up to harassment (or becoming the butt of a lot of jokes) because we're the whiny neighbors who have nothing better to do than complain

Even if we are being reasonable, it doesn't really make a difference, because if our neighbors think that we're not, they could harass us anyways

They could make a noise complaint about our dog out of spite ("why are you mad at Them when it's Your dog that barks")

Maybe we're also extremely annoying neighbors and we'll look like huge assholes/idiots if we complain about anyone else (implausible, but again. Small dog)

What if we try to contact them and they interpret it as an attack on them. We think one of the people living above us is a very large, heavyset man we've seen around the apartment complex, and we don't want to put our feet in our mouths if he's literally just vibing (or worse, excercising to lose weight) and we just totally humiliate him by telling him his mere footsteps are overstimulating down here. I don't want anyone to feel BAD. (And we're also not totally sure the guy we've seen is actually the guy above us, we just know they showed up around the same time)

We did actually try bonking the ceiling with a broom a few days ago and they obviously heard it because they stopped for a second, laughed, and started doing whatever it is more loudly, but what if that was entirely a coincidence and they didn't notice at all

What if they interpret any message we send as a passive-aggressive attack rather than just trying to let them know how loud they're being

And what if we do actually come across as passive-aggressive towards people who aren't us and we just make everything worse by bungling our communication attempts. It wouldn't be on purpose, but again it doesn't matter because some people interpret everything as an attack regardless

They could generally just fuck with our lives and make us miserable forever with no recourse if we fuck this up, too. like. We LIVE right BENEATH them. They know where we live and probably the layout of our apartment, since it's probably identical to theirs. They could probably figure out which car is ours. They could report our dog barking, or just come up with any number of fake/minor complaints. They could stalk us, vandalize our shit, intentionally make more noise or make louder noises and intentionally try to overwhelm/trigger us, or any number of things. Even if they got in trouble for it, that doesn't really matter because I just don't want it to happen in the first place.

And, worse, what if we try to get them punished, but it turns out we really were the aggressors the entire time according to anyone normal, and we just get our entire lives deservedly wrecked instead

i don't know what to dooooo

[hek4te-x]

I'd love to know more about your take on Tamlin. I wouln't say I love him, he's done a lot of stupid shit. But I don't think he's as bad as people make him out to be. He's just a bit dumb sometimes lol.

Ohohoho, this is fun. (Edit after writing: sorry, it got really long, I didn't even get to the part where I talked about the tithe and the rest.)

I guess most of my liking for him comes from the fact that he was a character that was screwed up by S/JM. We all know the bad shit he has done to Feyre, locking her up, slut shaming her, etc, but then I remember Tamlin from the first book and he seems like a completely different character from the rest of the books.

He was retconed SO MANY TIMES.

He did offer to help Feyre to read and write, but that dumb bitch refuses rudely every single time claiming she didn't need his help. Tamlin sent her away when he thought she would be in harms way after he hadn't managed to get her to love him too, but she went UTM out of her free accord. He did try to help Feyre at UTM even after being sliced open with ash wood and bleeding all over the carpet and being week, with her understanding he couldn't do a lot, just for her, a book later, say he didn't help.

People love to bring up the way he acted UTM when than man was being watched and harassed every single second of every day, there wasn't a way for him to help Feyre without being killed or getting her killed too. So he sent Lucien, who he knew would be able to get to her. People forget that Rhysand spent 50 years gaining some sense of thrust from Amarantha to act so freely with his time.

No one talks about how he probably, and very realistically, was also super fucking traumatized by his life and what had happened UTM. He love Feyre. He watched her being demeaned and defiled every day by a man he shared history with. Watched her die. All the while not being able to do anything or he'd risk her safety too. It isn't far off to see why he thought that she was better safe locked up then out there to the shit storm that exists outside. What he did was messed up, but he thought it was the only way.

Then we all know how suddenly he became irredeemable on the later books bc S/JM has the habit of showing you explicitly who you should like and who you should hate. Oh, Rhys? You should like him, look at his tragic past and trauma that made him act like a dick to everyone and feel entitled. Oh, Tamlin? No no, you should hate him, look at his tragic past and trauma that made him act like a dick to everyone and feel entitled.

Rhys has done worse to Feyre than Tamlin, but it is ok because at the end of the day it was all justified. Him using her as a sex symbol was justified bc he did what he had to do. Him hiding her own high-risk pregnancy that would certainly kill her was justified bc he did what he had to. Him locking the IC inside Velaris at the risk it would be exposed if they left was fine bc it was justified. Him threatening to kill Nesta after she revealed to Feyre abt the pregnancy is ok, I guess bc he was angry.

Tamlin and Rhysand have almost done the same things. The difference is, Tamlin's actions weren't justified via a 6 page text block telling detail after detail how his life sucked ass.

[milchig-de]

Vent

Pairing: Character & Reader

Summary: You talk about your problems. Not relationship related.

Warnings: This is basically just vent writing. Very depression, existential dread

Notes: i imagined scaramouche as the character but you can put whoever you want there. ill tag it as scaramouche x reader bc of that but really it doesnt matter. its one am, im tired and sad. please dont be mean to me

_______________

You sit on a chair, a beverage in front of you. It is a warm day, although not warm enough to be unpleasant. Lifting the cup to your lips, you take a sip. You are unable to discern what you are drinking. You put your cup down again.

Someone approaches you. They sit down in front of you. You greet them and they greet back.

Silence.

What are you waiting for? Start a conversation.

"So... nice weather we have?"

The person across you doesn't respond. The look in their eyes tells you something is wrong. They seem to doubt you, ask you if that is really what you wanted to say. They ask if you truly do not have other questions to pose.

You unnecessarily clear your throat.

Another silence.

This person isn't here to make small talk. Think of a meaningful question.

...

Or don't.

Truly, if you have nothing important to say, why are you here?

"When do I ever have something important to say? My life bears little meaning in the greater scheme of things."

The person still sitting across from you answers.

"Perhaps that is so."

"Then... why should I say anything?"

"You can sit in silence. But isn't that boring?"

"That's precisely why I always say nonsense. It's better than bearing this agonizing silence."

They do not respond.

Speak from your heart.

"Sometimes I wonder... If none of what I say is of importance, what even is the substance of me? In other's eyes I am defined by what I do and say. So am I not essentially unimportant?"

"Do you consider yourself unimportant?"

"..."

"I guess I do. I don't particularly care about myself. I barely feel as though I even have a presence. I perceive and interact with the world I am in, but I do not take the time to truly spend time with myself."

"What does it leave you with?"

"A certain sense of... emptiness."

"What do you do about it? Do you just let it fester inside you like a some species of mold? Like some parasite?"

"I usually fill it with things that aren't real. Hell, I'm doing that right now. You aren't real, this place isn't even a place and this beverage isn't anything."

You point at your unidentifiable surroundings to stress your point.

"But when does it end? When do you lose your touch with reality? When does your true self begin? Do you even have one? Or has your entire existence been based on things that aren't there? On things so terribly out of reach that it's fucking pathetic you're still trying?"

...

"I know I'm weird. And I know this weirdness makes me unloveable. I don't know what to do about it. Everything I do only makes my life worse. Every day I wake up alive, I see no possible improvement. No one will come around to help me. That isn't how it works. I need to be proactive, but do I even deserve any help? I haven't done anything of importance and all I will ever reach is mediocrity. What's the point in trying if I will only come so far? "

...

"Maybe there is no point."

Both of you look to the scenery. It's quite beautiful. Perhaps it, too, is undeserving. But at least it is there. Even if the point is truly gone, you will still be here, for better or for worse.

"For worse, I'm sure."

Regardless of it all;

Tomorrow is another day.

[aris-ink]

hello, i hope you don’t take offense bc i genuinely don’t mean to be rude but you should prioritize what you want to do over requests, it’s your blog so your wants should be prioritized, unless these are paid requests which i’m assuming they’re not, you really don’t even need to do them 😭 i’m sorry if this sounds rude bc i don’t mean to be at all it’s just if people are rushing you for smthing you don’t need to do.. this blog is YOUR safe space and we’re lucky enough we get to witness it, your writing is lovely and i just hope you don’t rush yourself and you prioritize your wants in writing before others. 💗💗❤️❤️

I can't believe some people have zero qualms about coming into my inbox and being seriously rude, but sweethearts like you worry when you have absolutely no reason to 😩

you're right! ❤️ and I know that. it's a complicated matter sometimes. I'm not gonna lie, and I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way — there are times when I wonder if putting this much effort in is worth it. it probably doesn't seem like it, but I try really hard. there isn't a day when I'm not working on my drafts, even if I can't get much done. editing always takes the longest and I lose sleep so often. mostly because I love writing for you guys, I appreciate you so much. your encouragement and support helped me grow and got me through some awful times. I really want to do my best and give back the love I received, because if it wasn't for this blog, I probably wouldn't be writing anymore, not for a long time. sometimes things sucked so much for me this was my only place of comfort, and when I had no strength to reach out to my friends, your messages got me through the day.

but there are times when it feels like all this is pointless — you have no idea what kind of things I've seen in my inbox, most I don't even bother publishing. I have days where I'm really excited to post a fic, and so happy I finally managed to complete a request, and it just seems like it doesn't really matter because in the end it's still not enough.

rude, demanding people exist literally everywhere though, so I do my best not to mind them. because like you said, the content is free — it's not a commission, therefore, it's not a job. my best should be enough.

and for readers like you, well, I love you, thank you for being here, and my problems with writing have nothing to do you, you don't make me feel pressured at all — I just wish I could do better, both for you and for myself. it's hard for me to accept how much of a struggle writing has been for me since my depression got worse, and how long it takes me to create anything.

but I'm so grateful that what I can manage so far is enough for you guys, and that you're here whether I have the energy for the requests or not, whether I post my own ideas or just small updates. it means everything to me and makes me so happy, and helps me feel like maybe it's enough for me too.

you're so sweet and I know this reply got a little long, but thank you for being you and I'm sending you all my love <3

[cosmignon]

Bit of a random ask, but you're one of the most optimistic people i've encountered on this site. I just want to know, how does one stay so positive? With everything that's going on, and the things i've seen on twitter, it's hard not to spiral into despair and helplessness.

I'm hoping that what I'm about to say can be helpful in some way! I think part of it is that I'm just kind of naturally inclined toward optimism! So turning those inclincations into actionable advice has had me typing away at this for about half an hour now haha. I truly hope it doesn't come off as anything like me saying "just be happy! just BE optimistic!" because it can be really damn hard sometimes!!

I think the thing about maintaining optimism in the face of learning about and continuously fighting against the injustice of the world is that it's a bit of an active thing that needs to be nurtured. Hope can't be conjured by waiting for it to come to you, much like an artist usually can't just wait for motivation to come to them - they have to pick up the pen and draw first.

You need to make space in your life to engage with and enjoy personal little things. That doesn't mean ignore the big problems, just remember to take care of yourself on an emotional/spiritual level by reminding yourself of the good things. I keep up with youtube videos I enjoy, I play D&D, play video games, listen to music, talk to friends, I draw, I analyse my favorite media, ect ect. If it's possible it's even nice to look into what the good news that's been coming out is like. That can be hard considering bad news is much easier to sensationalize, but that makes it worth it imo.

All of that stuff I collect and keep in my mind, so even when I'm feeling like shit it helps to have something else to anchor my feelings on for a bit.

The problems will still be there afterwards, and that sucks bc they still exist, but it's a double sided coin that also means I'm able to take the time to center myself before confronting said problems. The thing about the helplessness involved, for me at least, is that it comforts me to remember that the world is continuously spinning for better & for worse.

It also helps to like, narrow down all the bad bad things in the world and try to just focus your efforts on Just a few of them. RN as the major example I've been sharing & resharing news/links about Palestine when I can. I've donated where I can, messaged my representatives, ect. I also started doing this very tiny thing where I wear these cute little watermelon hairclips to work. That one, who knows if it even makes some kind of difference, maybe it never will, but it reinforces my own commitment to keeping the Palestinian people in my thoughts and wishing for their freedom.

another example; I picked a charity a few years ago that I believed in the cause for (funding for bailing LGBT protestors out of jail) and set up a repeating donation. It's small, like $10 a month, but seeing the notification pop up every month reminds me that even when I'm struggling to do anything else, something is happening because of me. If I ever need to cancel that donation I'll know I was able to help for years by this point, and that's satisfying in the face of helplessness.

I'll leave this off with this - I work with children, and we have a reading area with books that rotate every month based on holidays or culturally signifigant events. Starting last week the person in charge of that put in a pro-palestine children's book, and it makes me smile. It reminded me how there's people around you who are able to do little things too, not just you! The burden of fixing the world's problems or even just caring about it all at once is not just yours to bear. They'll help you too if you seek them out! None of us have to do it alone, none of us CAN do it alone! It's the group effort that gets things done!

[thekuraning]

Waaah, could I please have 8, 24, 25, 33 and 38 for the writing ask? 😍

XHAJHSDGHA thats SO MANY 😭 (ty friend!!)

I dont know when to shut up so im puttinf them under a readmore

8. How slow is a slow burn?

I am so bad as accurately pacing a fic so this is something that. Is hard to say. But I think there's no hard limit to how short or long a slow burn actually is. What makes something a slow burn is a combination of 2 criteria: a) the length of time the story takes place over, and b) how long it takes for the reader to get from plot point to plot point. If you consider something like Romeo & Juliet, it takes place in-universe over the course of like a couple days, and you are constantly moving from story beat to story beat since the work is meant to be enjoyed in one presentation. It's complex and moving, but I think we all can agree it's not a slow-burn, more of a sudden explosion lol. Some people may think that sitting around 20k words it's not a short work, and for a play it's average (about 2 hours) but it's only 1/5 the length of a standard novel! (100k)

But if we imagine Romeo & Juliet taking place over say 4 months, and each 5000 words is a moment where he's come to Juliet's window one night each month, and nothing else about the story is different, the entire tone changes to something longer and drawn-out. In fact, I think it's probably possible for a skilled author to write a convincing long burn in 10k words or less if the internal and external pacing of the story is right. I also think it's probably possible to write a slow-burn that takes place within one universe day, but I think the pacing for that would require more words.

In reality, slow burn just needs to feel long, even if it isn't actually long.

24. Thoughts on flashbacks/flash forwards.

GO. FUCKING. WILD. Make time your bitch. Laugh at the linear progression of cause and effect. Storytelling is this weird abstraction where all of time exists at once and won't ever exist again. A well-placed flashback or flash forward will enhance the story by revealing hidden motive, establishing dramatic irony, or building anticipation. Be fucky with time. It's already fake and gay—with your help, we can make it faker and gayer! 🫵

Naturally, like any trope or tool, there's always a time and place when a flashback or flashforward is most effective, and sometimes it won't be. But as long as it doesn't feel pointless, as long as it feels like it's a scene we need, they're great to use! I started really playing with time and flashes in Maelstrom fic because of the villain, and it's the funnest thing even in relatively minor jumps of minutes or hours. DON'T BE AFRAID TO USE FLASH JUMPS THEY ARE GOOD AND FUN!!! 👍👍👍

25. Is writing the whole thing beforehand better or worse than writing it as you go?

I wish I was the kind of person who could write the whoke thing beforehand, because I think that + careful editing really is the best way to create a cohesive, well-balanced narrative but right now i just... dont work like that lol. I feel like i have to be extra diligent in keeping track ofnplot threads and potential holes and such. But on the other hand I think I prefer it this way because I get a lot of good feedback on what's working via comments! Especially in long running fics like Maelstrom or Zubat Fangs I refer to comments a lot when trying to decide how hard to hit certain plot points. I'm always open to (polite) constructive criticism on my fics bc of that!

33. Give your writing a compliment.

I think my writing brings people joy :) in all sorts of ways! My silly writing, my angsty writing, my gorey writing.... it all makes someone's day a little better at some point, and I take a lot of pride in that. I can also look back over the years and see how much my skills have improved since I uploaded my first fanfiction decades ago, which I think I still have on a floppy somewhere lol.

I've gotten so confident that I'm starting to more and more seriously consider working on my original fiction and well 😬 I'd like to publish something professionally. Even if I only self-pubklish an e-book or smth. I think I'm about there!!!

38. "This never happened" fix-it fics or "this happened but" fix-it-fics.

Definitely "this happened but" fix-its. I got my start in pokemon fics naturally and one thing you never see the end of are "Ash is a better trainer and never got pikachu" fix-its which. I mean. Eh. Sure. There's nothing wrong with that per say but like. To me it's the same as writing a coffee shop AU. You're telling a different story conpletely. And of course there's degrees, because sometimes the change is smaller and what that means is the story is basically the same. Idk. There's nothing wrong with that but it doesn't make me excited. "Yes BUT" feels like its adding onto something, not just altering it. 🤔

Thanks again friend!! This was fun!! 🥺

[cynicaldom]

I’m starting to explore sex & sexuality with another person (longtime lurker here but always did solo stuff) and we’ve been experimenting. I’m still figuring out whether I’m on the dom/sub side. Some aspects of dominating & control really turn me on... but outside of that, I don’t have a lot of desire to lead. I have a strong fantasy to be blindfolded and tied, let her be in charge, and give up a lot of control. I find much more attraction to being submissive, free, and being hers. (I’m also asexual so I think that’s part of why “leading” is difficult for me — I don’t have a ton of instinctual desires to guide me and fall back on. It’s genuinely scary being in charge bc I feel rudderless.)

At the same time, outside of the bedroom, I am a natural leader. I ask questions and listen well; to my anxious friends, I am the stable rock in the storm of anxiety; people ask me for advice and listen to it (sometimes too much, it’s frightening sometimes). I’m even at my best when I get to plan dates and romantic activities; I am decisive and form plans, and people seem to enjoy and trust me when I lead them.

All of this to say that, across all of the blogs I follow here, all of them display an archetype that I feel like I am hopelessly unable to fit. I want to be able to help & support my partner by being a leader, except when it comed to sex I want someone who will take charge and free me from the decisions, planning, etc. I can’t be the only person like this, but I feel like it’s rare and I’ll be unlikely to find someone who matches me in this way.

I hope you see this bc you & Amy have great content and I respect your thoughtful writings / posts on here! Cheers.

@amysubmits is on tumblr much more than I am so I asked her to chime in, but she ended up saying everything I would. I want to emphasize try not to stress fitting into an archetype. Nobody fits anywhere perfectly, and more often than not worrying about something like that just makes things worse. The rest is from Amy:

I definitely agree with you that here on Tumblr (and probably in other D/s or kink communities as well) about people who take the same “role” inside and outside of the bedroom (or play). But of course that isn’t how all people are. It’s certainly possible to be a sub during play but to be a dom otherwise. As far as how easy or hard it might be to find a partner who has needs that alignment, I really can’t guess how likely or unlikely that is? I think finding the right match is tough for almost everyone, but I’m sure there are people out there who would enjoy topping/domming in the bedroom but who are subs or ‘followers’ otherwise. You mentioned that a few aspects of dominating or control excite you as well - so depending on how significant those interests are, you might be able to find a good match with someone who likes to switch in the bedroom but you could be their Dom in the lifestyle sense?

It’s also common for people to enjoy power exchange during sex or scenes but to not have any agreed-upon power exchange dynamic outside of play. So if you like to lead but don’t necessarily need or want full spectrum D/s as far as rules or protocols or so on, you could have your playtime where you sub and then the rest of your relationship could just be based on your natural personality, so you’d be able to lead in the ways you naturally are inclined to, but not have a formal/intentional D/s agreement outside of play as long as your partner doesn’t need or want that. 

It’s easy to feel like the norm in D/s is to look at a few different categories that exist and smush yourself into one of the options. But in reality, a lot of people don’t fit perfectly in the popular categories. Even for those of us who have a bedroom role and a lifestyle role that do fit fairly well into a category, we may not fit into other kink categories perfectly such as cg/l or m/s or whatever. I like to advocate for customizing your relationship based on what you and your partner need and want when it comes to rules or titles and other things…but I think the same applies for your whole relationship, really. I hope you’re able to find someone who has needs and wants that are well aligned with yours! :) 

[heronoegg]

If you don't mind, can we please get some bakusquad hcs from your au? 🥺👉👈

YES YOU CAN ANON

Bakugo

Bakugo is albino, if she wasn't she would have brown hair like her dad.

She has special headphones she's supposed to wear when using her Quirk at all times. (She at first didn't bc Bakugo is stubborn) She insist her ears were fine until she tried to show off one day by making a big explosion and blew out her ear drums for a entire day. Don't worry recovery girl fixed it that was her last warning and it scared her so bad.

Bakugo has hearing aid's we live for this hc she does not know sign language because her hearing problems didn't start to get worse/ to the point of needing the hearing aids until she got into UA where she's using her quirk on overdrive all the time.

She loves her dad, that's her best friend. Bakugo is a daddies girl all the way.

They have daddy daughter days and he loves to buy her outfits they are best friends they go shopping together

Bakugo's dad calls her "Katsuki kitten"

Bakugo's uncle on her dad's side was the one that got her interested in mountain climbing, he would take her up when she got big enough but before that he used to bring her back cool trinkets from where ever he'd go in the world.

Bakugo has a complex relationship with her mom, it's a lack of understanding on her mom's part and the fact they are literally same personality different person doesn't help. It's hard for Mitsuki to understand Bakugo but she is still a trying parent.

If Bakugo was a parent she wouldn't be hard on her own kid as her mother was on her.

Bakugo has a young chaotic cousin who she thinks is annoying as heck that Deku never knew about because she never mentioned him and he never seen him. He wants to beat Bakugo and be better and he's just loud and annoying even to Mitsuki.

Bakugo's parents work at a modeling place that is why they are rich.

Bakugo calls Deku's mom aunty Inko but Deku does not call Mitsuki aunty lol

Bakugo developed a crush on Todoroki and only released it when they were side kicking with Endeavor.

Somestimes Bakugo and Todoroki do this thing when Todoroki jokingly leans in like "Well, i guess we gotta kiss" and then stops. At first Bakugo thought he was a freak for doing that but it became a normal thing they would do all the time and sometimes she would lean in as well when they became closer and they both just not actually kiss until one day they did.

Bakugo doesn't like being a third wheel which she usually is to a lot of people.

Bakugo and Sato cook together a lot.

Bakugo calls Sato by his name because she can't come up with something that doesn't sound like a romantic nickname for him besides Sugar jock.

Bakugo gives people nicknames cause she has a hard time remember names.

There is some of Deku's clothes at Bakugo's house incase he comes over for a sleep over they have a mattress and everything for him in Bakugo's closet.

Bakugo is friends with everyone in the Dekusquad.

Bakugo respects Uraraka because she's the only girl she knows who can lock eyes with her and take her down if she wanted to.

Bakugo likes spicy food but can't handle as much as Deku can. Nobody else in the squad except mildly Sero likes spicy food.

Bakugo's middle school friends live in this AU and they go to UA but they are in class C the one Shinsou was moved out of. Tomo (long fingers),Kirisame (short black hair) and Tsubasa (Kid with wings)

Bakugo never makes it known she is a rich kid but bought kirishima's groceries once because he's kinda poor and was about to go the the corner store for groceries and Bakugo was just not having that. Told him everything he needed put it in the cart and she would pay for it that's when they really became friends.

Bakugo ignores Togaru's existence rival who? but they fight a lot.

///

Kirishima

His parents split and he lives with his single dad.

Ryukyu is his aunt, Tatami is his sister and Tetsutetsu is his brother.

Kirishima has depression but it's diagnosed and he takes his meds.

He can't keep a secret, if you tell him something and tell him not to tell he'll go "I wont!" but if you pressure him a little bit like keep asking him once or twice he'll tell you everything.

There is dragon quirks in his fam's genes so he has retractable tail and wings.

He hates that he has to peep talk himself cause of his depression, it helps him get okay for the day.

Kirishima's and Tetsutetsu bite and wrestle eachother a lot when Yo came over once he bit him and he cried, Tatami thought it was funny.

Kirishima and Sero train together a lot Kirishima almost always wins.

Kirishima is the one who created the Bakusquad, he befriended Kaminari first then Sero, Sero like the vibe of these people. lastly he slowly introduced Bakugo to the group because Kaminari and Sero didn't really want to be friends with her because she was mean. Mina was already his friend even though they weren't in middle school she just became his friend really quickly.

Kirishima calls Bakugo Ladybro

Kirishima if somebody says anything about him being the only boy in the Bakusquad he'll say it's them who's protecting him and that girls can be aggressive.

Kirishima wanted to be friends with Bakugo cause he used to have a bully in middle school and something happen to that guy and he feels like even though he was bullying him if he had one friend maybe he wouldn't have done what he did. He knows Bakugo and Deku have history and he feels like if he makes friends with her she wont be so mean anymore. He forgives Bakugo for the bully she used to be cause he knows she is kind in her own way.

Kirishima's middle school friends or at least one of them was his "Happy buddy" which means that was the one who knew he had depression and would help him with it. They don't go to this school so Kaminari is his new happy buddy.

Kirishima is kinda poor and feels bad his dad has to pay for him and Tetsutetsu to go to UA

Kirishima isn't really close friends with anyone outside of the Bakusquad.

Kirishima is the one who has a crush on Sero first.

//

Kaminari

Kaminari dad was a deadbeat from America who his mom met when she was living there. Kaminari went to kindergarten and elementry school there before his mom decided to move to japan.

Kaminari has a little sister her quirk is called "Volt stream" She can emit electricity from her brain in low voltages, electricity is constently surging through her body and her vines like blood so she has to let it out sometimes or she'll feel what she calls "Prickly" Everytime she uses her quirk depending on the voltage she will either feel light headed or pass out. Her name is Rai

Kaminari's mom is a pro hero name Electric pop

Kaminari's mom's quirk has the same quirk as Kaminari but she can only shoot the lightning from her finger tips, she can't discharge in any other way.

Kami's dad just had a basic lightning quirk he was a hero in amaerica but like only for the money she left him but Kaminari did get to be around him for a while. He wasn't a good dad but he wasn't an awful dad.

Kamianri's parents taught her basic fighting just in case.

Kaminari can speak English but not write it very well.

Kaminari lives close to wherever Todoroki's house is and can get there pretty quickly.

Kaminari can skateboard that is her means of transportation.

Kaminari cooks macaroni a lot.

Kaminari makes cursed food mixtures. She made a peanut butter girlled cheese once.

Kaminari eats pickles from the jar, drinks the juice and all. once that's all she ate in a day woke up in the dorms one evening ate a pickle and went back to sleep.

Kaminari comes into Tokoyami's room for nails to be painted stays for the company.

Kaminari is friends with Tokoyami and Dark shadow.

Kaminari is also friends with Aoyama they are a blonde duo.

Kaminari lives next to Kinoko and they are friends and neighbors.

Kaminari is also friends with Rin kinda.

Kaminari had a crush on Mineta for some odd reason and never said anything about it cause she thought it was awkward and weird.

//

This kid from the where Bakugo and Todoroki retook their liesense exam

is Sero's little brother his name is Sho he can peel his skin like tape (It's not as painful as it sounds) he's annoying.

Sho goes to pre-school with Eri he has a best friend name Chocto who is Hound Dog's son (we call Hound dog mad dog in this au)

Skeptic is Sero's local evil uncle on her fathers side who nobody rats out because the whole family is scared of him.

Skeptic traumatized Sero as a kid being just generally scary with his quirk.

Sero lives with her older cousin Shin and Sho because there was an argument about Skeptic and Shin took it upon himself to get the kids away from that house.

Sero and Shin have a really close relationship, he makes her feel safe and he's always looking out for Sero. He's like that really chill older bro everyone wished they had.

Sero is very smug and that's how she relates most of all her emotions.

Sero doesn't like to feel strong emotions (sadness or anger) she would really rather not talk it out or have complex conversations when there is a problem. Just one person take the blame and don't do it again so we don't have to talk about this or bring it up anymore. In other words she hides from her feelings.

Sero dated a lot in middle school but never felt anything for anyone until she started liking Kirishima.

Sero feels inferior to Bakugo that Bakugo could have just the right things to say to help Kirishima and she wouldn't know what to say. (Example: Kirishima was having a breakdown and Sero didn't know how to talk to him so she called Bakugo who calmed him down. She felt really bad and useless that she was closer and right there but there was nothing she could do)

After the sports festival Sero developed Bell’s Palsy from Todoroki freezing her.

//

Mina

Mina doesn't mind a lot of things she's really chill.

Mina is the gateway to the whole class to the Bakusquad because she is close friends with so many other people outside the squad.

Mina isn't too sure what love is about and says that a lot. she'll randomly put it in after a normal sentence. "Lets go to mcdonalds, also im not too sure what true love is actually"

Mina comes from a neglected household. That's why she loves so much she doesn't want anybody to feel left out.

Mina is moth coded so at a certain point when they've lived in the dorms one day she just got super sleepy and fell asleep went into a cocoon for a week and came out looking fresh.

Her horns fell off after that and grew back, she could grow another set of arms and wings which was freaky but cool.

Mina is good at listening when somebody needs to vent. "Come get in my bed and we can talk comfy"

Mina is a gossip channel, her and Toru they know everything.

Mina's purse is a bottomless pit. She has everything.

Mina always wants to put makeup on somebody.

Mina is friends with Toru and Toru is friends with Dark Shadow but not so much Tokoyami.

Mina can relate to Mineta about being a neglected.

//

Jirou

Mina is the one who even got her included in the squad. She would always look over at them so Mina slowly introduced her until she was part of the squad.

Jirou is whatever she needs to be to get out of a satiation or win a battle. In our sports festival there were two brackets of the tournament and she made it to 3rd losing to Jurota Shishida. She fought Rin before this and tried to kiss him throwing him off guard, she kissed him and used her quirk through her lips to send her heartbeat into his head resulting in her win.

If Jirou uses her quirk to much she'll pass out because it's putting a strain on her heart.

That is how she lost to Jurota she amped up her quirk to it's fullest and they both passed out but she passed out first.

Jirou is the youngest of two brothers. Jude and Hibiki. Hibiki is a pro hero musician and Jude is in a boy band.

Jirou's house is a music store where they sell instruments and teach lessons. She offered working there as an option for Tokoyami who works there now.

Jirou is friends with Tokoyami they are goth buddies but not so much dark shadow cause she thinks dark shadow is annoying.

Jirou has a crush on Rin.

Jirou's hair is naturally curly like her dad's she straightens it. Later she lets Mina braid it.

When they live in the dorms She gets her hair cut's from Tokoyami.

Everyone who paints their nails gets their nails painted by Tokoyami including Jirou.

When Jirou says something is "Punk rock" she means it's cool. she'll say something like "that wasn't very punk rock of you" or "Wow! that's punk rock!"

Jirou is friends with Mineta (Mineta is more respectful in this au he actually is grossed out/scared of girls because of something that happened to him in his old household he got adopted by Midnight)