#sequel to Beside Me
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"solangelo break up arc!" no actually what we really need is expansion on will's plague powers
#solangelo break up arc is just dumb to me sfdfkdg#but a will centered book abt his trauma/darkness? hell yeah i will be there#and plague powers can def be worked into that#im just desperate for more canonical info about his plague powers besides that he has them#solangelo#nico di angelo#will solace#tsats#the sun and the star#tsats 2#tsats sequel#pjo hoo toa#rrverse
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the thing they don't tell you about most mlm romance books is that they fucking suck ass
#thinking about like. rw&rb. anything by that author that wrote boyfriend material. most anything on kdp. only one i fw was ari and dante but#even then the random transphobia at the end gave a real bad taste in my mouth#im just in a hater mood rn ignore this unless youre also a hater#but anyways that boyfriend material and the sequel husband material books fucking suck so bad#couldnt even finish the second one#felt like it was trying to make a comment on the queer community but in the most lame and het conformist way possible#literally having a boring lawyer character being like ' i dont feel represented by this#when hes talking about a rainbow decorated gay bar#like ok whatever man but why do we care? why is the author trying to moralize this? why does teh prose suck and why is so much casual#bigotry against welsh people in these books#like fr they call out british bigotry against the irish and then turn around#and every welsh character is bumbling idiot with no personality besides being an idiot and talking about being welsh#like. hello???#also i keep adding to these tags but anyways the author also tried to like#make the main character out to be the bad guy?? when his ex boyfriend exposed all his secrets to the press??#and the author like. portrayed the mc as the bad guy for being upset?? like that is what the second book is about???#its so stupid and victim blamely and utterly lame like these books are so uninspired and feel like the author was just. idk???#also dont get me started on how much i hated rw&rb and finished it#i think i have a post somwhere on this blog abtout it
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Can I get uhhhhhhhhhhhhh doomed or unfortunate yaoi
#is shuake even considered doomed yaoi anymore#i mean#i guess if you didn't get the special cutscene in royal#shuake#i'll just tag it anyway#ryomina#persona 3 causes me physical pain#also s a i o u m a but i'm not tagging that one by itself because i'm afraid to interact with the dr fandom besides liking art i'm ngl#ryomina is the only one out of these where i can't act like it isn't doomed#the unfortunate is specifically for#nezushi#because as far as we know THEY HAVE NEVER GOTTEN A REUNION but we can imagine at least#also the hint of a no6 sequel from asano atsuko makes me hopeful#there's like probably more that could go into the unfortunate category but i'm too tired to think of more
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Ink October day twenty-nine: Wilder
To bewilder; to perplex.
Comparative form of wild: more wild.
#tears of the kingdom#loz totk#totk#the legend of zelda#legend of zelda#legend of zelda tears of the kingdom#totk link#blue boi draws#ink october 2023#ink October 2023 day 29#I have extremely conflicted feelings about this game that I think boil down to: I donât dislike it but it did disappoint me#like there are a lot of things about it but the things I dislike are loud in a way that makes them hard to ignore#there are also a lot of tiny nitpicking things I dislike about it that I feel bad about because they are probably insignificant or cases of#people having different taste in things. like the bombs I miss my remote destination bombs :( but also the mechanics that replace them are#really fun. I actually think most of the mechanics and puzzles are really good (I probably have more fun in Zonai shrines then sheikah#on average) I also think expanding to the sky and underground was really smart and good. I think most of my issues are with the story#they did Zelda so dirty. sooooooo dirty. the three good things they did with her are 1 gave her good parental figures 2 cut her hair#3 tURNED HER INTO A FUCKING DRAGON. A WYRM. A CREATURE.#thatâs probably my favourite main story thing besides maybe the companions and also Tulin#I love Teba the fact that his son is featured heavily and is done so good in this game is amazing.#also revali being basically never mentioned was really good. fuck you revali#love the Zonai HATE them founding Hyrule (or well rauru)#love the designs dragon goat people love good dad to Zelda the king can go fuck himself#the thing about me is I hate âcolonial the divine right of kings and monarchies so much. the kingdom of Hyrule stinks of these things#botw to me was in part a story of a monarchy failing. the king and the system failed Zelda failed Link and failed their kingdom.#I knew that more then likely they would be rebuilding the kingdom in the sequel but oh my gods does the addition of the politics of Hyrules#founding make it worse. there are so many people who have explained in detail this but right now my brain is just⊠GAH#*banging my head against the wall* can we PLEASE acknowledge the flaws of the Hylian royalty Iâm not even asking for them to be discrowned#at this point I just want anything that isnât this glorifying shit. and it sucks because I like Sonia!!! I like Minaru!!!#ran out of tags but I need you to know I am fucking vibrating about this
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The way before mando season 3 came out when I heard we were getting a 4th season I could not have been more hyped it wasnât gonna be ending, and now when I see updated filming news about I couldnât care less :/
#sigh#past me would have been going crazy waiting for news about when season 4 will start filming#speaks to how badly I hated season 3 when I donât even want more of what was my favorite show#Also I genuinely just donât think we are going back to the same Din and Grogu adventures vibes ever again#it seems pretty clear they are only interested in setting up an expanded universe for their other characters and the sequels now#plus I mean most of Dinâs development have been rushed or ignored we can never get those missed opportunities back#so idek know anything they can do with his character anymore besides jut using him as a prop again to dump thrawn exposition#especially now that heâs working with cops đ€Šââïž#the mandalorian#mando critical
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i know she did it when she was really young but couldnt you argue that sakura being so scared of ghosts that she subconsciously blocked her ability to see ghosts so hard that she also didnt realize she even did it is also a sign of her magic not being under control. Like sure you can go with "eriol put a spell on her to make her magic go haywire so kaito would have a harder time stealing it" or whatever it is they say but this is not a new issue. Theres also the fact it continues to get worse after that explanation scene like it gets to the point shes subconsciously making new cards while asleep and yet once they're done with the plot she conveniently stops and everything is supposed to be just fine on that front now even though they never Fucking resolved it properly
#oh it pisses me off they basically forgot about it by the end#because it draws parallels to clow#and also kaito should have been a cautionary tale for her too#he should also be dead but thats besides the point#arguably one of the only truly good and interesting things this fuckass sequel had going
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>Wants to finish drawing a YoyoxAnna fanart I did last year
>But also doesn't want to post it as I had bad history with the SK fandom and don't want to attract anyone from the eng fandom
>Wants to post a funny meme regarding the SK sequels
>But also doesn't want to post it because once again have a bad history with the fandom
Sigh
#technically on tumblr instead of using the main series tag i can just always tag it as SK instead of the full series name#and go on with my day. i doubt anyone hardly uses or goes into the SK initial tumblr tag since its pretty much filled with other stuff that#isnt related to sk anime/manga itself lol#then again... do i want to risk myself using the japanese ship name for my YoyoxAnna fanart.... idk if any active shippers uses the tag#i could just tag my shitpost thing as SK sequels and go on with my day. pretty sure no one in the world ever ventures into that tag#besides the fandom is pretty quiet and less active on tumblr. its not loud 24/7#but im only having anxieties posting on twitter cuz im posting on my main acc and the fandom is super active there#in which i try to use a lot of keywords in order not to attract large attention like altering rens name as lian and jeanne as zhenne#and using their chinese ship name.#for once i just want to be expressive on my main twt acc after not using it in years but like. idk how a few ppl from the eng fandom#managed to find my main account and followed me sjdkjdsk. or maybe theyre just unaware of the incident that happened#btw to the few SK mutuals that follow my main twt acc i dont mind the follows! im just scared of big popular ppl from the fandom#discovering me lol#but yeah im avoiding the english fandom and really trying to stay far away from it and attracting anyone from it. i just dont#want to blow up and be popular lol#my ramblings
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overall, I wasn't disappointed or surprised where the couples ended up in the show. Depending on how you interpret them, TopMew and SandRay aren't necessarily having a pure happy ending. The vibe - so to say - is still off in many ways.
If this is a compromise between having branded pairs and still trying to keep the story more open, I don't like it but I can live with it. It leaves space to further contemplate whether everyone got what they hoped for without undermining themselves. When I first read the post, I wasn't too convinced that it'd become an issue, but now I agree with @bengiyo that no branded pairs would've been better.
it can be argued that the show leaned a bit far into the slut-shaming, but to me it didn't seem to be the message the writers wanted to send but the reality of this friendship group. however, what does make me yearn for something that could've been is that not only did boston - a complicated and interesting character - get handed the short stick, Neo and Marks screentime was much less than the other pairs which only made his ending feel this much more painful.
not every scene can make it into the final cut, but their conversation after boston makes out with boeing leaves it unclear whether they had actually talked more about their boyfriend status or not. i think the break-up afterwards is a good choice for the characters either way, but it feels like some scene was left out (i am taking it personal if it was the pool table sex scene).
And while I enjoyed SandRay and - towards the end - thought that TopMew were quite interesting, I could've done without the second reading time for the kids and the fire alarm scene.
For a show that introduces the four friends as an ensemble, it doesn't add up to me that both Boston and Chueam got so little (and that with such stellar performances by Lookjun and specifically Neo) careful consideration.
#only friends the series#ofts#i believe the message by the writers was not that boston had it coming and is a bad guy#but by allowing this disbalance it doesn't come to me as a surprise that people are either shocked at what can be percieved as the writers#slut-shaming or are celebrating the defeat of the 'villain' of the show#beside the point but i think it is a tragedy that we don't get as many scenes with Mark and Neo as possible#mix's entry is either them leaving the door open for a sequel - or the hint that even if the commercial pairings persists all is not well#in paradise#but i have no idea and that is kind of where this show could've been more decisive
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GTA5 has been out long enough that the claptrap generator reference has been relevant like four or five different times now
#mine#I was watching some idiots playing on yt and saw the generator and laughed#then I went wait. how fucking old is this reference#It's either 2 or pre-sequel I don't remember the release order of these games. I never got any of them fresh lmao#I'm not actually that up to date on borderlands it could be well over five#anyways gta5 is kind of old as balls in terms of the gaming world#like I don't know of any other major brand labels that are still running a mainline that old besides minecraft#I miss older gta5 before they changed the vehicle physics. it went from a fun driving experience to feeling like gta4 wormed into the syste#also when shit was affordable online. I'm not paying real world money for anything like that lmao#it's also been out long enough to evolve past my pc. CTDd me so many times last night I uninstalled
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nosy anon again making a return because i think what my brain did was read that i helped find some kind of writing and then did not fully process what the writing was?? but upon rereading i am very intrigued if you ever get the urge to share i will be all eyes/ears/senses required to enjoy things!!
I GET TO DO WIP WEDNESDAYYYYYY!!! the writing exists mostly in the form of a tag (fantastic! 'verse) and also a thirty-two page doc of snippets and planning, so the sense you will be using most is imagination:
don't think i have ever actually formally written out anything about fantastic! 'verse but! the tl;dr of it is that it's a semi-college au: joel is still a hockey player for the lv phantoms, but morgan is a college student-athlete. it's incredibly relevant to the plot that joel falls in love with morgan in the check-out line of a wegman's, lies a little bit, and ends up going back to get his degree.
most of it is just good fun about college kids growing up, but i think there's a lot of parallels between making your way through a development system where traditional "success" isn't always guaranteed (ahl -> nhl, completion of higher education -> pursuit of a career) because that development system isn't always designed for you to "succeed" or have opportunities. heavy quotation marks around success because part of that struggle is learning what you want in life and how you define success. are your dreams achievable? are they still the same dreams you always used to have? it's infinite branching universes of would you still love me if i was a worm (ahl player forever) (a college dropout) (a college graduate) (older) (realizing the fallibility of your body) (uncertain of the future) (human).
silly little snippet:
#do i LOVE this snippet no we're still workshopping but i felt like y'all needed context for why it's fantastic! 'verse#and i can't link ash's tweet because. priv nor can i link kay or jos' replies so this is me saying Just Trust Me the tweet is this scene#anon the gift keeps on giving. i get to gab i get to be nosy the world is ideal i am here for it#does it count as wip wednesday if the w in question has been ip for four (?) years?#liv in the replies#HI THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO GO OUT WHEN I FIRST GOT IT BUT I MISSED WEDNESDAY SO I HAD TO WAIT A WHOLE WEEK TO HIT IT AGAIN#BECAUSE I GOT EXCITED ABOUT DOING THE DAYS OF THE WEEK wip wednesday#you know the one oh i LOVE this part audio? that's me any time somebody asks me questions i am SO inclined to share.#one time somebody made a comparison about the blog and walking through a garden and it made me weepy i can't even lie#ALSO I SAW YOUR OTHER ASK i am in the trenches about whether i want to post it or not i did also go look and see her morgan posting in 2019#and maybe she is the same girlfriend?? maybe they broke up and got back together?? maybe she just cleaned up her vsco??? SO confused#(the debate is for all the reasons you mentioned lol it's just me deciding how Public you have to be before i think i want to paper doll yo#into my narratives? in a public forum because i would absolutely dm/gc/etc where there's no chance she could see or be involved#(as if she is on tumblr) but also figuring out how much i let into the sandbox. To Me things like the edm polycule or including wags can be#interesting within the narratives and sometimes i just pretend they don't exist! right now i am intrigued by the fact of whether or not#i invented a girlfriend (???) for morgan but she really doesn't fit into my narratives in a fun/interesting way besides that#and i don't want to spread misinfo if i DID invent this other girlfriend. rip morgan's imaginary (??) gf although i KNOW there was one#with the artsy vsco claw marks on his back. i promise!!! maybe it was just her!!!#fantastic! 'verse#i have better snippets i promise this au is funny it also features like. all of the 2019-2020 flyers because that's when i started writing#AND probably ten of those 32 pages are plans for a sequel/companion about isaac ratcliffe my beloved đ#don't think too hard about who is actually playing on the flyers or draft orders without people. EYE know who is still on the team#but i did not do the math shenanigans to figure out who replaced people like morgan or scooty loots. vibes only no PP units
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Hey! When You Got My Message About FNAF DRAWINGS FNAF COMICS AND FNAF ANIMATIONS What Do You Mean By Replacing FNAF With ORIGINAL.
(They're referring to this post)
Just that instead of asking me to draw things that have to do with FNaF (something I have very little interests these days) I'd like to instead focus more on things like my original characters or anything else that happens to catch my interest at the moment (like TADC for example)
#ask#i thought it was pretty self explanatory lol#especially in the tags for that post#like the last time i drew anthing for funni pizza bear game was#years ago#last thing i've seen from it is the movie#and i am planning on seeing the sequel next year#but besides that#fnaf just doesn't interest me much anymore#i've moved on!#and my art's reflected that
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A Liturgy of Surviving
Scarlett always wanted to be like her mother, and maybe in another world she could have been. If the war never happened, she could have grown softer instead of sharper. She could have curbed her temper, married well, and been received in respectable homes all her days. Maybe, if it hadnât been for the war, Scarlett OâHara could have lived out her days in genteel artifice, just like Ellen before her.
Maybe. Maybe not. If you asked her, Scarlett would say that the question was irrelevant. âGodâs nightgown!â she would exclaim. âDonât ask me what could have been. The war happened and thatâs that.â
     I wonât think about that now. Â
The day after Scarlettâs world ended, she swore an oath that she would never be hungry again.Â
She woke in pain. Her muscles ached and her joints creaked. She was nineteen, but she felt like she had a hundred years weighing her body down. Morning light slanted through the window and her head ached with the moonshine liquor that sheâd downed the night before. From another room, she heard an infant crying.Â
She passed through the dining room without eating, pausing only briefly beside her grief-ravaged father. She found Pork on the porch shelling nuts. The sun was up. Scarlett O'Hara drew herself tall and began to marshal her troops.Â
Melly and her sisters were still infirm, so they were useless for now. Mammy could tend them, and Pork and Prissy were to round up the livestock. Dilcey to Macintosh, herself to Twelve Oaks; perhaps theyâd find food. Yes, I know. Iâll worry about that tomorrow. Now get going.Â
Those days as the war staggered to its end were some of the longest of her life. In between them, Scarlett would collapse into bed and rub the welts on her feet with clumsy fingers. Sometimes sheâd picture Ellen and all her gentle admonitions to kindness and refinement, and sheâd say aloud to the walls, âWhat happened to me? What am I doing?â
She didnât dwell on the question, but somehow, she always knew the answer. âIâm doing what I must,â she would answer herself. âIâm surviving.â
People didnât talk back to Scarlett anymore. They were all afraid of her sharp tongue, of the new person who walked in her body. This Scarlett bullied and cajoled until everyone obeyed her, and inevitably her orders were to work. She was all edges; any softness that sheâd once possessed had been sanded away splitting rails and picking cotton. Good, she thought. Let them fear me, if it keeps us all standing.Â
     Iâll think about it tomorrow.Â
Scarlett was sixteen when the war began: sixteen in green muslin, fearless and unencumbered. She had her motherâs slim waist and her fatherâs square jaw, but her clear green eyes were her own.
She was sixteen when she married Charles Hamilton and lost him, seventeen when she bore his child and draped herself in black crepe. She got Melly and Wade in the bargain, but she didnât want either of them. She wanted Ashley. She wanted to dance! She wanted, she wanted. She wanted Scarlett OâHara back.Â
At nineteen years old, Scarlett survived the destruction of her whole world. She could have cried for the loss of her girlhood, for her old self long gone with the soft hands and dancing slippers, but what good would it have done? Curled up in her childhood bed at Tara, Scarlett didnât cry. Instead, she folded in on herself, knees tucked up to her chest, and tried not to feel her muscles aching. She would have to get up again tomorrow, no matter how badly her shoulders still hurt.
She had strong shoulders, Scarlett OâHara. That was maybe the most important thing about her. At any time, at any age, her shoulders could bear whatever they were given. âIâm surviving,â she would say each morning when she rose. A strangerâs freckled face greeted her in the mirror, but Scarlett only squared her small thin shoulders, breathed in, took one step and then another.
     Tomorrow, when I can stand it.
Calluses form like this: repeated pressure or friction is applied to the skin, most often of the hand or the foot. The outer layer, which is made of dead cells, begins to be retained rather than flaking off normally. The dead cells accumulate, forming hard layers sometimes hundreds of cells thick.Â
They form like this: you use your skin. The shell of hardness around it slowly thickens.Â
     I can stand anything now.Â
The day after Rhett left, Scarlett packed up Wade and Ella and she once again drove the long road home to Tara. She pushed her way past Suellen at the threshold, exchanged brief pleasantries with Will, and then fell into her old bed as sheâd done so many times before.
The next morning found Scarlett basking in the slanting yellow light that struck the porch from the east. Her eyes were fixed on the fields beyond and there was a devilish look on her face.Â
When Rhett came backâand he would come back, he had promised he wouldâhe would find her here at Tara, where she was strongest. âHe liked when I was strong,â Scarlett said to herself. That was something sheâd always known, for all that sheâd been blind to the true dimensions of it.
Day after day, Scarlett rose and moved through Taraâs halls. She ate her breakfasts in the place where sheâd faced down the Yankee army, sorted through figures where sheâd once debated with Melanie over whether they ought to risk sending Pork out on the horse to look for food. Twenty times a day, she walked past the place at the base of the stairs where sheâd shot her deserter dead. Here, in these halls, she had made her greatest stands.
Sheâd stood more rigidly then, threadbare and starving and uncertain. Sheâd come to the end of herself, only to find that she had wells of strength hidden deeper than she knew. Her hands were calloused and dirty. What else could she do?
     Iâll never be hungry again.
Itâs easy to view Scarlett as hard and amoral. Even those closest to her would not have contested that characterization. Perhaps Melly would have argued, but then, Melly always saw the good in everyone. Scarlett killed and she stole and she schemed and she cheated, and she did it all in cold blood. What a selfish, conniving bitch, you might say.
Itâs easy to forget Scarlettâs compassion. When she beat that poor horse to keep it trudging the long road home to Tara, she regretted hurting a tired animal. Her concern for Melanie, her friendship for Will Benteen, her joy when Rhett made her laugh: these were all true and genuine.
Didnât Scarlett love her father and mother? Didnât she grieve to see her friends and neighbors ruined by war? Scarlett OâHara risked her life to save Charlieâs sword for Wade to inherit, and she built her mills for him and Ella both.
None of this negates the ruthless things she did in the name of survival, but it does begin to explain them. Scarlett made herself hard when hard was what she needed to be. She determined to live without reservation, without softness and with little kindness. Rhett called her cruel, and maybe he was right. But Melly also called her sacrificial and devoted, and maybe she was right too.Â
     No, nor any of my kin.
On that road home to Tara, Scarlett once said, âIf the horse is dead, I will curse God and die too.â Someone in the Bible had done just thatâcursed God and died. Scarlett remembered feeling like that person, a despair of Biblical magnitude.
But the horse was alive, and so Scarlett did not die. Later, she thanked God that her knees still had the strength to support her, that her neck was still strong enough to hold her head high. Scarlett was not Jobâs wife, nor even Job himself. She was Rahab, who escaped the destruction of Jericho, who saved her whole household and survived.
âWhat a fast trick,â said the Old Guard when she stole Frank Kennedy away from Suellen. No, Scarlett could never be Job. She was Jacob, the trickster and supplanter.
     Just a few more days for to tote the weary load.
Scarlett was easily provoked into courage; that was one of the first things that Rhett learned about her. A few insults, a pointed comment, and Scarlett lifted her chin and flounced off to prove just how brave she could be. She shed her crepe years early, and to Halifax with anyone who objected.
Rhett did that same thing to her on the awful day that Atlanta burned. He insulted her and laughed at her, and when Scarlett spat, âIâm not afraid,â it was true. Her hands, which had moments ago been shaking too badly to hold anything, were steady now, and anger had crowded all the fear out of her voice.
Rhett kept needling her all the way out of the city, until they reached the Rough and Ready where he left her. The banter kept her sharp. As long as her eyes were flashing in indignation, she hardly noticed the fire.
Even after Rhett left, his jabs stayed with her. âWhat would Rhett say if he knew I couldnât do this?â spurred her back into action more times than she would ever admit. It was a petty kind of courage, and it felt smaller than the great, soaring motivation that came with thoughts of Tara, of the OâHara name and Irish pride and red earth, but sometimes petty courage was enough to bridge the gap between strength and exhaustion.
He gave her something to hold onto, something to ground her, and even Rhett only halfway understood what that meant. I want you at your best, he never told her, but he pulled her into it by taffeta ribbons and witticisms. As the years rolled by, she rose to meet him. They swapped sharp words and insults, him always claiming to know her and her shouting, âYou donât know half!â
One day on the jostling ride out to her mills, Scarlett told Rhett about the fire that the Yankees set in Taraâs kitchen. âIâm not afraid of fire anymore,â she declared with something like pride, and Rhett remembered goading her past the flames the night Atlanta burned. âI beat it out with my skirts, and then Melly had to beat me out when my back caught,â she went on. âNow Iâm not afraid of anything but hunger.â
I donât want you to fear anything in all the world, Rhett didnât say. Once they were married, he laughed at her appetite and teased her, âDonât scrape the plate, Scarlett. Iâm sure thereâs more in the kitchen.â
          No matter, âtwill never be light. Â
After the war, Rhett had his millions. Ashley had his honor. Melly had the Association for the Beatification of the Graves of Our Glorious Dead. Scarlett held a ball of red clay in her fist and whispered, âI have this.â
Her father built Tara from nothing and he loved those acres like they could love him back. He had come to Georgia a poor immigrant boy and he had won that red earth. Whatever Gerald could do, his daughter could do too: of this she was certain. This land, this firm red clay on which she stood, was both her battlefield and her prize; her birthright and her hallowed ground. She gripped it tight with all the passion of a lover. She longed for its rolling fields on cold nights in Atlanta, sleeping beside Frank Kennedy.
âYes, I have this,â and she let the dirt run between her fingers and lodge beneath her nails. Melly had Ashley and Ashley his senseless honor. Scarlett had Tara.
     Iâve still got this.
When she rode out in her buggy with her lap robe pulled up to her bosom, Scarlett heard how people whispered. She felt indignant about it the first time, and the second time she worried what Ellen would have thought. The third time, she decided not to care.
She still complained to Rhett about the whispering as he was holding the reins one afternoon. He didnât laugh at her, just looked sideways from the road with his dark eyes and nodded like he understood. âBe different and be damned!â Rhett said, and his tone was like a soldier whoâd heard the bugle. It was so strange, how Scarlett could tell him all the worst things about her and he would always answer back like they were medals instead of secret shames.Â
Most of the city was in mourning, but Scarlett wore colors. She pilfered the storeâs inventory in search of bright green, washed and mended her curtain dress as many times as it would stand, and when the money came she wore gowns of emerald, blush, indigo, and scarlet. Let them stare, she thought. See if I care.
At twenty-two, Scarlett rode up to Pittypatâs in the evenings, long after Frank had come home from the store, and she felt condemned. To the well-bred folks of Atlanta, she was as bad as a Scallawag. But sometimes, when she was alone, Scarlett ran her hands beneath the lap robe and hoped that Rhett was wrong about children and grandchildren, that the child she was carrying would understand one day. I hope youâre nothing like Frank, she thought. I hope you have shoulders like mine.
          Iâll never be hungry again.
âItâs no use, Scarlett. You canât scrub out the past,â said Rhett when at last he came to Tara. âYou canât take back the last ten years, no matter how youâve come â to appreciate my charms.â
âYou think I donât know that?â Scarlett snapped. âThereâs never any going back. Not ever. But Rhettââ she reached for his hand. âI love you, and at last we understand each other. We can build something out of that.â
They argued about it until Rhett left again, fuming and bitter, his Panama hat pulled low over his face. Scarlett made an unannounced visit to Charleston the next month. âI was thinking,â she suggested, âThat we might sell the Peachtree Street house.â
Scarlett knew all the words for making men love her, so long as she understood what it was that they wanted. The Tarleton twins had wanted merry excitement; Charles had wanted to feel important and Frank had wanted to feel like a strong, successful man. Ashley had wanted someone braver and better than he was, and heâd found it in Melanie without having to risk himself on Scarlett. Scarlett had never understood what it was Rhett wanted, but she did now. Why, itâs always been my love he wants! So Scarlett spoke the right words, and this time she meant them.
âYou were right when you said that weâre alike. Onlyâyouâve always known about me, whereas Iâm just starting to know you. Will you tell me about that knife fight in California again? About the sail boat you won at cards?â
âYou know those stories,â clipped Rhett. âYou donât need to hear them again.â So Scarlett went downstairs and pried the stories out of his mother instead.
The house on Peachtree Street sold within the month, snatched up by some Carpetbagger who wanted it for a hotel. Rhett traveled to Mexico, and returned to find Scarlett back at Tara preparing for spring planting.
âWhat do the women wear in Mexico?â she asked him, leaning on the porch railing in the slanting light. âWhat is your favorite place youâve ever traveled?â
Rhett indulged her in brief, but then abruptly he chuckled and shook his head. âI know what youâre doing, you little minx.â
âYes,â said Scarlett. âOf course you do.â
          Tomorrow, oh tomorrow!
The clay soil of Georgia is red from iron oxides. Itâs red the way rust is red, the way blood is red. If a blister splits open and your blood falls on the ground, that iron-red soil will just swallow it up. You can bleed and bleed, and the stuff in your blood will always be one with the stuff of the soil.
When cotton and vegetables sprout from the ground, itâs easy to believe they grew from your very own blood, and that your own sweat and tears watered them.
          Never look back. Â
âWe women were soldiers too,â Melanie said once. Scarlett didnât respect her yetâat least, not consistentlyâbut this might have been one of the moments where she first looked at Melly and thought not that her heart was soft and timid, but that it was a sword.
âWe never expected to be â or at least I didnât.â She looked around the circle of ladies, at India and Fanny, until her eyes came to rest on Scarlett at last. âWe were children then. We all imagined the world far simpler than it was.â
Melly, India, Fanny, Scarlett. These women had all been girls together. They knew one another at seven, twelve, fifteen, swaddled in silks and trying to seem more grown-up than their playmates. Theyâd competed for beaus and Scarlett had mostly won, except where Ashley Wilkes was concerned. They had lived through the war together. Now, Scarlett sat among them on Mellyâs front porch and tried to remember if sheâd ever in her life felt like one of them.
For Christmas, Melanie gave Scarlett a small book of poetry. Scarlett never read it, except for the one verse which Melly had marked with a green ribbon. She bit back the urge to sigh when she undid the wrapping, but Melly pointed out the bookmark and said, âThis one made me think of you, dear.â
Scarlett didnât like to think of it now, but once sheâd been sixteen in green muslin, confident that dimples and a clear complexion were the only weapons sheâd ever need. She had been a child, but that child had not died when Atlanta burned. The belle of Clayton County was not in the grave with all the boys whoâd never come riding home from war. Scarlett was alive. She was right here.
âWhat is a dead girl but a shadowy ghost/ Or a dead man's voice but a distant and vain affirmation/Like dream words most? / Therefore I will not speak of the undying glory of women. / I will say you were young and straight and your skin fair/ And you stood in the door and the sun was a shadow of leaves on your shoulders/ And a leaf on your hairâ"
Scarlett came home from her mills in the gray evening and she made her way back to the Wilkesâs ramshackle front porch. She left her buggy feeling condemned and she sat with the other ladies feeling alienated, but all the same she couldnât bring herself not to go. The war was over, and these were the survivors. They were through fighting, hung up on glory, but Scarlett still hadnât holstered her guns.Â
âWe were soldiers,â said Melanie, and in her heart Scarlett added, âSome of us still are.â
          I wonât let them lick me.
Supposing that Ashley had married her. Perhaps the sight of her in green makes him brave enough to shed his veneer of honor and say, âYes, youâre right, I canât live without you.â Itâs a minor scandal when he casts Melanie off in her favor, but not for long. The war is beginning and besides, good men have made themselves fools for Scarlett OâHara before. By the time the soldiers march away, the scandal is all but forgotten in favor of the fine figure they cut as they embrace at the depot: Ashley so brave in his uniform, his young wife radiant as she clutches him.
Ashley sends her long, meandering letters full of philosophical musings. Scarlett reads them uncomprehending and sends back missives full of I love yous. She kisses them when she mails them, sometimes with a Hail Mary for her husbandâs safety.
Rhett doesnât notice this Scarlett at Twelve Oaks, and so heâs caught off guard when he hears the young Mrs. Wilkes say something blunt and scathing at the Bazaar. He chuckles to himself in delight and later he asks her to dance, and of course Scarlett simpers and agrees, and itâs a merry night. But Rhett doesnât come back to Atlanta for the rest of the war.
This Scarlett leaves for Macon with the rest of the women when the Yankees come to Atlanta; after all, she has no Melly to keep her in the city during the siege. She takes Ashleyâs child with her, and itâs in Macon that he finds her after the war. He waxes poetic about the Old Days, the Horrors of War and GötterdĂ€mmerungs and the like. He looks at her with sad, tired eyes and Scarlett says yes, I heard you the first time. But what are we going to do?
Twelve Oaks is razed. They go to Tara. Ashley tries his hand at farming, but itâs Scarlett who manages to pick and plant and organize while Ashleyâs fumbling attempts at working with his hands yield scant success. His heart isnât in it, which infuriates Scarlett. Câmon, get up and fight! She looks into the tired face of the man she loved so ruinously at sixteen and wonders what she ever thought was so noble about him.
When taxes come due thereâs no way to pay. Whatâs more, Ashley doesnât even try. Itâs here that Scarlett breaks with her husband. Between Ashley and Tara, itâs Tara every time.
So Scarlett bullies her husband into calling old debts in from a few impoverished friends and when that isnât enough, she goes to see the tax assessor dressed in green velvet and makes some very personal insinuations about Mr. Jonas Wilkerson. From there, Scarlett bullies her one-time-beloved and does as she pleases, and Ashley has to live with the fact that itâs his wife who provides for the family. In every world, it is Scarlett OâHara who keeps Ashley Wilkes alive after the war.
His pride lays down in the dirt and dies. Scarlett Wilkes shakes her head bitterly and plants more seed in her red, red earth.  Â
Supposing Scarlett could have imagined all this. What do you think she would say? Perhaps in her youth she would have cherished the idea, but the hard-eyed Scarlett who emerged after the war would have only leveled her small shoulders and said, âWhat does it matter what would have happened? Iâll think about it later.â
          There but for a lot of gumption am I.
The day after Bonnie died, Scarlett called for the buggy and went to her store. Rhett took this as proof that Scarlett had never really loved the little girl, that she was devoid of maternal affection as heâd always suspected, but Scarlett was grieving in her own way. She threw out two uncut bolts of blue velvet: expensive fabric over which sheâd have upbraided a clerk to hell and back if heâd wasted even a few inches.Â
It was true that Scarlett had never wanted any of her children when sheâd carried them. She had not felt joy or love or any of the feelings that other women described when first she saw them. What she did feel, in the moments after Dr. Meade placed each child in her arms, was a fierce surge of protectiveness. She was certain that she would work and sacrifice and even die for her children, if need be. They were her blood, her flesh, her kin.
Scarlett had hated pregnancy each time it happened to her. She hated feeling large and lumbering, hated the way that her tiny waist bloated and grew until even her modified dresses didnât fit right. She hated the inconvenience of morning sickness, the limitations on what she could do, the necessity of seclusion as delivery drew near. It was nine months of hardship and frustration capped off with many long minutes of excruciating pain.Â
Bonnie had died in an instant. Sheâd been flying towards the hurdle and then, half a breath later, sheâd been gone. Standing in the back of the store with two bolts of blue velvet before her, Scarlett swallowed back tears that Rhett would never see. It wasnât right that a child whoâd taken her so much time and effort to bring into the world could be gone from it so quickly.Â
When she returned to the house a few hours later, Rhett had locked himself in the bedroom with Bonnieâs tiny body. Scarlett paused for a moment outside the door, but then she squared her shoulders and kept walking.Â
     Just a few more days for to tote the weary load.Â
Scarlett had a habit of humming âMy Old Kentucky Homeâ while she worked. Splitting wood, planting and picking cotton, driving between her mills, keeping the booksâeven sewing. The song was a thoughtless thing, an instinctual thing. She hummed it the same way a person might worry lips between teeth or tear at nails.Â
She repeated the words again and again until her heart pulsed to their rhythm. Just a few more days for to tote the weary load. Iâll think about it tomorrow, when I can stand it. Tomorrow, tomorrow. No matter, âtwill never be light. Iâll never be hungry again. No, nor any of my kin. Iâll never be hungry again. They were a mantra: something to hold onto when the whole breadth of her world had narrowed to a single point. A refrain. A liturgy of surviving.
     Just a few more steps
Rhett loved Scarlett and it was terrifying. He feared that she would treat him like one of her country beaus: a lovely toy to play with and to tear to ribbons when she was done. He was afraid, so he hid his heart behind his impressive poker face and said âI want youâ instead of âI love you.â He called her âpetâ instead of âsweetheart.â
Scarlett loved Rhett and it was slow. He brought her bonnets and bonbons and Scarlett thought, âWhy, itâs almost like I was in love with him!â He came to help her the day Atlanta burned, and Scarlett thought that sheâd like to stay in his arms forever. When he chauffeured her to the mills, she thought that he was the only person in the world to whom she could tell the truth.
"You never told me you loved me, you know," Scarlett said the next time she visited Charleston. "I never knew. That's not to say you were wrong about me - about what I would have done if you had said something. But you should have been brave enough to risk it all the same."
Rhett closed his eyes for a moment and his mask slipped away. It was doing that more and more these days.
"But I did tell you â once."
"I think I would have remembered that," said Scarlett, pursing her lips.
"Ah. âIt is far off; and rather like a dream than an assurance that my remembrance warrants.â I suppose my humble confession was the least of your worries that day."
Scarlett wrinkled her nose. "What?"
"The day Atlanta burned, my dear."
After a long moment, Scarlett gave a little gasp which turned into a sigh as it ended. "Oh. That's right, you did then, didn't you?" She shook her head. "Rhett, I do believe you have the worst timing of any person I know."
     As God is my witness
The day she married Charles, she wore Ellenâs cream-colored silk gown, aired out in a hurry from the chest where it had been sitting since the OâHaras married back in 1846. She couldnât breathe for how tight her laces were âsixteen inches, like Ellenâs waist was when the dress was purchasedâ and perhaps that was a good thing. Scarlett was light-headed throughout the ceremony and she scarcely remembered it afterwards.Â
The day she decided to have Frank, it was raining hard. Scarlett left the jail in sodden velvet and was grateful for the drops falling on her cheeks to disguise the tears. It was sunny the day of the wedding, but she scarcely noticed that. Afterwards, when she thought of marrying Frank, Scarlett would always remember the rain.Â
There was a fine mist over everything the day she got Rhett back for good. Scarlett was wearing her work clothes when he came riding up to Tara; sheâd been walking the cotton fields that day, overseeing the progress of the crop. They were both a little damp when he kissed her.
          Iâll never be hungry again.
OâHaras and Robillards had always known how to dig their nails in, and by God, Scarlett was both. Her namesakes had long ago fought for their own plots of Irish earth; had survived and died and been hanged fighting to hold onto it. All Scarlettâs forebears, her folk, had left crescent-moon imprints on all that was theirs when it was finally pried from her hands. Scarlett gripped her little ball of clay and felt her nails dig into the heels of her hands.
She was her fatherâs hot-tempered daughter, but she had her motherâs steel-hewn spine. All the years of her life, she never saw Ellen Robillard OâHara rest her back against a chair. When Scarlettâs own time came, she held herself every bit as straight as her mother: she didnât rest or lean, just stood and stood.
Maybe this is what she was always made for. Her green eyes werenât for charming young men, they were for seeing dresses in curtains. Her hands were never supposed to be soft; they were meant for digging in the red dirt. Even her lipsâRhett was wrong, they werenât meant for kissing. Scarlettâs lips were as sharp as the words that she spoke when she wasnât afraid what anyone thought. They were meant to draw blood.
She had been sharp all her life, even when her edges were carefully concealed in layers of satin. Scarlett was not made to be soft; her core held no gentleness. She could not pretend otherwise. All she could do was stand straight, and hold up her tired old shoulders like they were the strongest thing in the world.
          Iâll think about it tomorrow.Â
One day, at the Butler home in Charleston, Rhett taught Scarlett how to play poker, and subsequently how to cheat. They were still playing hours later, counting cards and hiding them in sleeves and making all kinds of ridiculous bets on losing hands. Just as she was taking off her right earbob to call, the thought rose to Scarlettâs mind unbidden: âWhat on earth are we doing here?â And just as quickly, there was the answer. âWeâre living.â
At the end of this most recent road home, weary and damp from running through the fog, Scarlett found her way back into Rhettâs arms. In the evenings she listened to his stories and witticisms, and late at night she listened to the sound of his breathing. I will not speak of undying glory, she thought. Rhett was still here, and so was she. They were both still here.
Scarlett took off her left earbob too, for good measure. âIâll raise you,â she said. âI have a good feeling about this hand.â There was still an ace hidden up her sleeve, but if Rhett noticed it he didnât say anything.Â
They survived together. They built something new. There is always profit to be made in building things, and these two were nothing if not industrious.
          After all, tomorrow is another day.
#i am fully aware that none of you followed me for gone with the wind lol#that said- it's one of my all time favorite books#like. in a dead heat with narnia#i've wanted to write some sort of character study-ish thing for gwtw for just about as long as i've had this blog#and having just reread it last week i decided it was time#had a lot of fun messing around with style here#is the prose a little self indlugent? absolutely#but it was fun#if lucy pevensie is half of my heart scarlett o'hara is the other#they absolutely would not get along#but that's beside the point#(actually you know who actually might mesh pretty well with scarlett? eowyn. probably not great friends or anything#but at least a nod of respect)#to tote the weary load#leah stories#literature makes us more human#pontifications and creations#also for the record this is the most i'm willing to speculate about what happens post- novel#the sequels are all trash and unlike with say Susan i'm very much content to say#'I believe in Scarlett's ability to succeed. she'd gonna be fine'#and apart from that let the ending be bittersweet and hopeful#trying to fill it in much beyond really broad strokes is a totally futile endeavor#and i have no idea why people bother trying#'tomorrow is another day' deserves to be the last word in scarlett's story#that is all
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đđâïž for Balthazar please?
đ MOON - what is your oc's greatest wish? how far are they willing to go for it?
Balthazar would define his greatest wish as being powerful on his own terms, able to do anything he wanted without consequence or being beholden to anyone. Wealthy with political power, maybe, or better: possessing fearsome arcane ability to make people afraid to cross him. Maybe even eternal life, right...? He's willing to go a long way for it: he never in a million years would have gambled his life in some shitty backwater doing some ridiculous, stupid, dangerous adventurer thing without the temptation of that sweet, sweet title at the end. Stupid, risky bullshit to possess or preserve power is him all the way down, no matter how many times it gets him hurt. It always just feels like this is the time the gamble will pay off without loss.
Of course, if you want the secret answer of god... Perhaps, deep down, what he wants more than any of that is the chance at a peaceful, ordinary life he was robbed of by the circumstances of his birth. The chance to just be human and live life without worrying about whether other people see you or some nameless ancestor in your place.
đ CROWN - what does your oc want to be remembered as? why?
Well, he certainly doesn't want to be remembered as an aasimar. I'd say he wants to be remembered for something he did himself, whether it's good or bad. A legendary ruler or powerful archmage would work. Or the one whose hubris or tyranny instated a new age of horror. Also fine. He doesn't have any truly concrete thoughts on his legacy, but there's definitely appeal to being something truly infamous. He would absolutely love to have the reputation Areelu Vorlesh enjoys.
The why is pretty simple. He just loves to make a scene.
âïž SPARKLE - what is their most prized possession? what do they value?
Hm, an interesting question, because I think possessions are of surprisingly little value to Balthazar. He's lost almost everything he owns more than once in his life, and that kind of reduced the sentimental value of objects for him. I suppose his most prized possession is be whatever his favorite piece of clothing or jewelry is at the moment- a status that can be rather ephemeral. At the beginning of Kingmaker, it was probably a doublet embellished with golden embroidery that he managed to hang on to over the many, many months of wandering after fleeing Absalom. If he'd traveled any further he probably would have had to sell it as well. It was the most valuable thing he still had. Over time the token given to him by Nyrissa also becomes very valuable to him- he has it on his person practically all the time after her death. Nothing has sentimental value quite like the memory of a worthy rival, right?
(And if something, say, befell Tristian, as has been known to happen, I'd say that without question the most important possession would be Tristian's holy symbol.)
#ask me emithing#ask game#balthazar lucienne#turbulentpumpkin43#fighting for my life to describe clothing I doodle with words besides âtunicâ#I'm not fond of the word doublet though... even if it covers a range of things it just makes me think of stuffy short Tudor jackets#the good news is that I rediscovered the inspiration for a Balthazar outfit that has been confounding me for over a year#with sleeves I couldn't begin to guess where I had thought I saw and thus was absolutely fighting to understand#closure at last#I did briefly have a Wrath file with Balthazar. Little Kingmaker sequel I imagined followed up on the Tristian death ending.#the three prized tokens he carried were Nyrissa's charm Tristian's holy symbol and... a certain book. you know the one I mean.#in my imagination he lost the book in the fall and was reunited with it at the museum. hooray for friendship...?#that's a lot of tag rambling I should eat dinner#back and forth on whether I should edit my tags or add a spoiler tag.
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OMG JASPER I apologize I have still not watched Doctor Sleep yet itâs on my watchlist still!! But Iâll try to cook up something with Danny for the fluster meme đŒ
Okay I get such . Cautious boyfriend vibes from Danny like especially the type to stop everything to give you his jacket/flannel when he even feels that itâs slightly cold. He wouldnât even care if he has no jacket as long as youâre warm/heated up heâll gladly shiver the whole way home (I was gonna say heâd freeze but then I remembered what happened to his dad đ TFGVDG) đ and once you guys make it home itâs warm cozy cuddle time on the couch!!
MIA THIS IS SO GOOD PLS AKFNEKDNW
I imagine him to be EXACTLY like this like he'd be such an overtly cautious partner cause he has like zero experience in a relationship and just wants his partner to be safe and happy ouuugh đ„șđ„ș
Especially since I'm terrible at dressing for cold weather and it makes my chronic pain worse, I would make a small comment like "wow it's cold tonight haha" and he would whip off his coat so fast to give it to me to make sure I'm ok I'm SOBBING, ITS TOO CUUUTE đđ (also not the dad trauma PFFT đ)
#fun fact ! in the books jack doesnt freeze to death#thats purely a movie add in !#also I HIGHLY RECOMMEND DR SLEEP OMG#like besides me adoring danny#its such an under rated sequel#the advertisement for it did it so dirty but its such an emotional and visually stunning ride !#i will yell about it all day if i could lol#this was so adorable mia thank yooou !! đ„čđ„č#mia đș#đ mail time đ (asks)
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People, after seeing three sequel movies being announced: Ugh, great more Disney/Pixar sequels movies! Can't we have something original for once?
The movies that's been released for the past 3-4 years:
#disney#pixar#and don't try to tell me whether you thought these movies were good or not#i'm not going to try to argue against that#that's not the point i want to focus on#it's the fact that people are acting like they haven't had gotten original animated content for years is what i heavily disagree with#having confirmed three sequel movies in the coming years isn't going to take that away#not sure whether i should've put lightyear since it had very little attachment with the toy story franchise besides a character's name#lightyear is like the cat returns to toy story's whisper of the heart
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In the past two weeks Iâve given up on youtube and video games and now pass the time by reading and have read all of these so far. Yes Iâm counting visual novels. Havin the time of my life.
#Last and remember the flowers made me bawl my eyes out so hard#now realizing every one of them besides halo is queer i may have a preference#anyway read dreadnought its good i read it and the sequel on the same day cos theyre that good#losing my mind that theres no word on when the third book is coming#I was a bookworm as a kid and now that i have defeated adhd im making up for lost time#feel free to recommend any cute books with happy trans characters in them im eating them up
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