#sentences that out of context make zero sense

[kaiasky]

just me or is this article.... bad. even as an introduction for/advocacy for close reading?

Granted, 'here's how to do close reading' is a hard task given that the core flaw of close reading is that it's not a method, it's at best a style to imitate & a gesture at what ought to be analyzed. & i recognize that the article is giving that example in the form of his own close reading My Struggle and and a gesture at Mimesis. These are... odd choices, no? Like. Mimesis is doing comparative literature. The example given is

Rather, in the kind of inversion that has become routine in the humanities, but nevertheless in Auerbach’s hands still dazzles, “The concept of God held by the Jews is less a cause than a symptom of their manner of comprehending and representing things.”. ... We can learn about a people through its style, its literature, which bears an ineradicable record of its version of reality.

Now look, first off. Personally I would be really hesitant in 2025 to endorse "by reading the Bible against other works, we can come to understand the racialized mind of a people or ethnicity". But like--more crucially, it seems really odd to use a historical & comparative analysis as an example when you are simultaneously talking about the origins of close reading in New Criticism?

... Richards printed poems with their authors redacted, sent them home with his students, and asked them to produce commentary. They did, and their commentary, from these otherwise good students, was riddled with errors. Without the context of who wrote the poems or when, the students failed to make out the plain sense.

Like--there's a largely unacknowledged contradiction here about what close reading is! There's a huge swathe of literary criticism that would outright say that "the reader's surprise" or "Homer" or "the Jewish mind" have absolutely 0 place in a close reading of the text.

Again, not to say that Auerbach isn't doing a close reading, but if I was writing an introduction to close reading, I feel like I would choose something uncomplicated that highlighted the *method* of close reading. instead of the sweeping conclusion I found most profound. (of course, Sinykin isn't actually writing a guide to close reading here, he's sucking his own dick about how good he is at writing/reading & how profound close reading lets u be.)

Beyond that. Does Sinykin even believe the thing he wrote about "We can learn about a people through its style"? Because he ALSO says that close reading is non-virtuous and non-productive. It simply cannot be both--either close reading is a tool to understand the truth of texts, and through them, truth about material reality (this makes it incredibly useful and productive) OR it is a fun intellectual game to play with fríends (so you just said some antisemitic shit with zero fucking evidence, for fun).

But close reading is not just for academics, and it deserves a bigger audience. Not because it’s virtuous. Not because it makes us better people. (I know some great close readers who are real assholes.) But because it’s a thrilling way to think with others, to claw back some of the time taken from us daily by tech oligarchs (I have looked at Twitter impulsively several times while writing this pointedly long, difficult sentence), and relearn some of our capacity, atrophied into passivity by algorithms, for aesthetics, a term that arose in modernity to name a storehouse of values in dialectical opposition to those of capitalism: above all, treating texts as ends in themselves rather than as means to productive ends—treating them, that is, as art. 

look like. i get it right. oooh complicated sentence it will confuse people, they will slow down and pay attention to the actual words. they will, without even knowing it, be doing the start of a close reading.

if u were going to do this. u didn't need to point out that u were doing it. his fuckin dick is out & he's looking at u the reader sadly going won't anybody suck me or am I gonna have to do it myself?? 🥺. pathetic. deeply deeply embarrassing. I read this paragraph and realized that I needed to come here and spend an hour writing about how much I hate this stupid fucking essay.

if u needed to point it out u should have done it at the end. this is more clever arrangement of the terrible bit he's doing

world record champion for most unsupported assertions fit into a single paragraph of all time. does truth or evidence for ur claims matter?? evidently not

I rly don't relate to his description of "relearning our capacity for aesthetics". If I'm close reading something I already know how it sat with me as an aesthetic object. when I'm close reading it I'm interested in it as a technical object--at best I'm trying to understand why it hit me some way

again. fuck you

I think it's interesting to look at the presumed "bad reader" placed opposite the noble sports-star close-reader. Roughly: Somebody who reads the wrong books (perhaps even self-published ones!) in a familiar comfort-zone, for the plot instead of the beauty of the written word, enjoys it instead of being ~intellectually stimulated~. Oh look it's some stupid mishmash of old "genre fiction" stereotypes & "booktok" stereotypes.

This is, to be clear, pathetic. But it's also a hugely missed opportunity! Like look. It's fucking insane to say that genre lit fans are not paying attention to details. I do not think brandon sanderson fans are known for particularly insightful commentary but damn if they haven't scrutinized and theorized about every kind of what if A and B were mixed together. Is this close reading?? Or more interestingly--why do close reading instead/in addition?

You must acknowledge that its words are how they are for a reason, their placement is purposeful, thus meaningful. Every word is a clue.

There really is no shortage of 'reading for details' that i have no doubt Sinykin would not consider "close reading" that nonetheless follows this! powerscaling! finding 100% definitive proof of ur ship being canon! tvtropes! matpat voice "but thats just a theory...a LITERATURE theory."! cinemasins ding! finding every microaggression the author could plausibly be blamed for and taking them to task on twitter!

Or yknow... one particularly striking example--hey do u ever carefully look at each word and how they go together to determine if something is written by chatgpt? hey that might be an interes--

Every day, AI produces more of the words we come across, making it hard—maybe impossible—to care about reading them.

no, you dipshit, says Dan Sinykin. not only is it sososo important to know biographical details about the author to understand the text (it cannot stand on its own w/o the context surrounding its creation) (btw this method was invented by new critics). but fundamentally you CANNOT do a close reading of it.

If you're writing an article (ostensibly) advocating for everybody to practice close reading & some tips to get started. A baseline respect for ur presumed non-close-reader audience i think should compel you to at least address why you think close reading offers something to expand or improve the reading and interpretation they're already doing. That shouldn't be hard, since close reading IS great! Alright, Dan, knock it home!

Nunez, by publishing her cryptic novel, confesses her faith that readers persist, and that if fiction works it is thanks to those readers. Not just any readers, but those with faith, in turn, in art: close readers.

christ. i mean thats a thesis statement i woulda been embarrassed to turn in as a high schooler. this is the final demonstration of the vaunted power of the close reader!?! And putting aside the analysis of the book--as a conclusion to the article? Literally just fart-huffing praise for close-readers and lazy, incurious contempt for everybody else.

shoulda stuck to sports.

Close reading is untimely. It bristles against today’s universities, which treat students as customers to please and as future workers to train rather than as people in pursuit of human flourishing. Jeff Bezos’ empire—Amazon; Goodreads; Kindle Direct Publishing, which dominates the perfervid world of self-publishing—encourages readers to “talk about a book as if it were just another thing, like a dish, or a product like an electronic device.” Social media compels us to attend to what we’re seeing for as long as it takes to scroll by. Every day, AI produces more of the words we come across, making it hard—maybe impossible—to care about reading them. I’m sure there were college courses this semester where students completed their work with AI and professors graded it with AI, cutting humans from the loop. It’s easy to see why close reading, which demands patience, openness to others, and slow, careful thought, is having a moment among academics. (...)

How would you begin if you’ve never taken a literature course—or if it’s been a decade or three? You must acknowledge that its words are how they are for a reason, their placement is purposeful, thus meaningful. Every word is a clue. No skimming. You must (metaphorically) listen to the text: what is it trying to do—to you. You might start with a poem or a novel you’ve read before, one you’d like to understand better. You might already have hunches about what it’s about. These might be confirmed upon rereading, or pleasingly foiled. As you read, a line might hit you. You feel struck. You pause. Here’s where close reading happens. Hold up. Linger with that line. Read it again, a few more times. What gives it its force here in its immediate moment? Work out its power. Does it reveal something about the text’s project?

[mistressemmedi]

I can't believe FIA wants to investigate and penalize Charles. Man's only crime was to be the meat in the worst sandwich of the world

[repressedqueen]

I'm GAGGED

He looks so soft 🥹🥹

I am vibrating !! I want to watch NOW!!! I wish I wasn't such a good best friend 😭

[haithhegimp]

RHATO has terrible writing (a collection)

most of us know that red hood and the outlaws has horrible writing, but i don't think people who haven't read it realise how bad it is. because even without mischaracterization, even without garbage plot, even without nonsensical story beats-- the very quality of the writing is terrible. here is a collection of things that wouldve been corrected by the most ameteaur proofreader out there and somehow made it into a real official canon DC book. (up till issue 4 of the 2011 version, i will almost definitely be making more installments of this)

(1)

[Red Hood and The Outlaws (2011) #2]

i... think that was supposed to be a pun on smooth but it makes absolutely no fucking sense and jason's reply makes even less sense. if roy is calling jason smooth, what the fuck does move have to do with it? is it implying that jason put a move/flirted with the woman who gave him her number???? because jason didn't, and roy knows that. so then what is the move supposed to mean here? and i assume that the joke in jason's reply is supposed to be that there is nothing sounding like a "you" in traction, but like what the fuck does he mean by "traction"???? these are the definitions of traction according to oxford dictionary

and absolutely none of them make a lick of sense in this context.

(2)

[Red Hood and The Outlaws (2011) #2]

con air is a 1997 american film about millitary whatever-the-fuck. either this is a reference to something in the film, or this is for some reason using filipino slang for an air conditioner. to my understanding, con air is not a classic american film that americans reference often or would know about casually, and even if it was the joke would be excluding an extremely large audience of dc that is outside of the US. my point being, why the fuck are you putting semi-obscure movie references into a comic that is very mainstream and almost definitely for international audiences, scott? i could read the plot of the film or watch the film to see if its even a valid reference but fuck that im proving my own point here as an international reader who doesn't understand what the hell this is supposed to mean even after fucking LOOKING IT UP. IF YOURE WRITING A MAINSTREAM COMIC WITH WHAT IS SUPPOSED TO BE VERY COMPREHENDABLE LANGUAGE, ABSOLUTELY NO ONE SHOULD BE LOOKING SHIT UP TO UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.

[Red Hood and The Outlaws (2011) #2]

there are so many horrible things about this dialogue exchange that i feel like im having aneurysm. we'll start with suzie. these are the definitions of a homestead

absolutely none of them correspond or make sense to be used for the fancy high-rise hotel-like building that jason owns and they are currently in, nor does it make sense as being slang for a home because they are in HONG KONG and the word comes from oceania, north america, and south africa. not to mention "gone and come back" is just bad fucking wording. its clunky and confusing, is she saying that he's left and returned? or is she using "gone and" to express annoyance at jason returning to hong kong? it doesn't really matter in terms of overall understanding but its little things like that which fuck up the flow of reading.

moving on, a fainting couch is couch with a back raised on one end, it is popularly speculated that the fainting couch got its name due to victorian women feeling faint due to tight corsets-- although the name wasn't seen in usage until the 20th century. i genuinely have no fucking clue what suzie is talking about whatsoever when she refers to having one. it makes less than zero sense to me.

and finally for suzie, the progression of the sentence makes no fucking sense. "as i live and breathe! jason has gone and come back to the homestead, and me without my fainting couch!" what the fuck is that???? she starts with an exclamation of surprise, follows it with someone doing something in noun verb noun format, and then continues with someone lacking something in noun adjective noun format??? thats just not how sentences work? at least not good sentences. like regardless of the fact that what she's saying makes no sense, at least the correct way of saying it would be something like "as i live and breath! jason has gone and come back to the homstead, and i'm without my fainting couch!" or something like "jason, back in the homestead, and me without my fainting couch!" having two different structures in the same sentence is awkward and weird.

and MOVING ON to jason's line. here are the definitions of undercarriage

first of all, what the fuck is the scent of undercarriage??????? i genuinely have no fucking clue what in the hell that's supposed to be. and second of all, what is undercarriage supposed to be in this context???????? im so fucking confused i dont understand this line whatsoever.

(3)

[Red Hood and The Outlaws (2011) #2]

"fry my bucket" is not a real phrase, scott.

(4)

[Red Hood and The Outlaws (2011) #3]

sublingual doesn't mean what you think it means, scott.

(5)

[Red Hood and The Outlaws (2011) #4]

im so fucking confused. what the hell does "a xenophobe. not many of them around." even mean?? its one of those things that almost makes sense if you give it a quick glanceover but is absolutely bonkers if you look at it for more than one second. is kori saying that xenophobes are rare???????? what?? no they are not????????

(6)

[Red Hood and The Outlaws (2011) #4]

the race of people living on tamaran are called tamaraneans. scott knows this. he has used "tamaranean" in other places, i don't know how or why the person that has supposedly been stalking and researching aliens for the past five years of his life would say "tamaran" instead of "tamaranean". this is the equivalent of an alien in fiction saying "earth" instead of "earthling" or "human". im not rereading this shit but im also 80% sure that the guy has said "tamaranean" before, so i dont know what happened here.

(7)

[Red Hood and The Outlaws (2011) #4]

here is the definition of clandestine.

either these University Scientists were conducting illegal experiments and that is just never brought up or mentioned or expanded on again (which is shitty writing in a different way), or that word doesn't mean whatever you think it means, scott.

(8)

[Red Hood and The Outlaws (2011) #4]

here is the definiton of transubstantiation.

a transsubstantiator (which, why are there two "s" between trans and sub when the base word only has one?) is fictional and fake, so i suppose that its technically fine to use the word for whatever he wants but i still think its fucking stupid, and this is MY list/collection. (btw the machine was supposed to take away kori's powers. and im not christian or an expert on christianity but i dont think thats what the base word is supposed to be about.)

(9)

[Red Hood and The Outlaws (2011) #4]

jason's response here is one of things that almost makes sense, but doesn't if you look at it for more than one second. what the fuck does he mean by "unless there's anyplace hotter."?? like is he saying that he wants to go to a hot place after he dies? that heat is bad and so if there was a more hot place he'd be going there? i really don't know, and i don't understand.

(10)

[Red Hood and The Outlaws (2011) #4]

the fact that his monologue is split between boxes tricks the reader into thinking it makes sense so i'm going to write it out for yall to understand that it does Not.

"I prepared for this night years ago. A year of training under the All-Caste. A night none of us believed would ever happen. Why am I so happy? Because I know I'm ready. Who knows? Maybe I was born ready."

that just... is nonsensical. first he goes on about training and being prepared and then he immediately contradicts himself by saying "maybe i was born ready". the "why am i so happy" comes out of nowhere, it's extremely vague whether he's talking to the reader as if they are questioning him or if he's wondering that about himself. the "because i know im ready" doesn't even answer the question that came out of nowhere, readiness has nothing to do with being happy??? this entire speech is so bullshitted together, all that without even my personal opinion that "maybe i was born ready" is just a bad line.

------------

that is all i have for now, i am 100% making more parts to this because rhato is a hate-comfort comic that i like to read and scream at whenever i feel like it. also just a side note because i am aware that a lot of us do this, it makes me uncomfortable to threaten actual injury or death towards real people, even as a joke, so i would appreciate it if none of you reblogged or replied with that kinda stuff towards any of the rhato creators on this post (or any of my posts). hope you enjoyed if you read the whole way through, have a nice day!

[exaltedfuzz]

Goddammit, your last lanamia comic made me cry.. What master storytelling spirits are you channeling that make you know these characters better than the original writers?

Deepest apologies... I have worse planned. Poor Mia. (and Lana... but you'll see why I say poor Mia soon enough, I hope...)

As for writing characters, it really helps to talk to yourself in their "voices" to try and figure them out. Mumble to yourself when you're cooking, when you're walking and nobody's around, but also listen to people speak. When you put what you know into dialogue it sounds way less phony than if you're purely trying to advance plot with ham-fisted exposition... Though you need a bit of that too, if you're trying to drive something. It's good to write stuff down in a script, get a recording app out, say it all (put on a different voice for each character, why not?) and when you stumble over the sentences because they suck to say out loud, rewrite them so they don't. Your most powerful tool in writing speech is speaking. 

Think about the context too, it's dead important. Surrounding events and characters are what keep things grounded... Nothing exists in a vacuum. It's really useful that AA has such a packed world, with so many characters in proximity. Makes it easier to de-vacuum things. I guess the same is true for most fan works. 

Having a start and end point really helps. But, more so in a sense of "where is this character at the start of this scene, and what do they want to achieve". When you're writing "aspirationally" like this, you can get into the groove better than if you have a point A and a point B that you are looking to get to overall. And then considering the dynamics between the characters and taking that into account when understanding how those goals may be compromised, ignored, pushed for... Who has the most power in a scene generally decides what goal is pushed towards. 

Another thing is focalised narrative. Usually when I'm doing these comics (at the moment), I follow Lana, and most of the emotional core is in her reactions to things. You don't want to zero in too much to one character, or you'll end up flattening the rest, but having a core character is a good way to keep things simple. It's tempting to just chuck as many characters as you can into something, but you have to remember that you're then going to have to have them all exist... 

Also, honestly, going back to the source text plenty, and with an eye for specifics, is really useful. Take note of how characters refer to each other, which is a huge thing in AA specifically... And also what humanity is in them. For Lana, for instance, she's quite witty, and quick to make light of herself with that wittiness. ("Oh, this? I cut myself by accident. When I stabbed him, that is. I'm not very good at being a criminal, I suppose.") I try to put this slightly irritating joking into how I write her. With Ace Attorney characters, you're looking at them at very intense points in their "lives", so they're probably acting differently to normal, but picking up on these little things can make all the difference. Obviously, as well, there’s the “that… was probably why she was attracted to me” line. I take this as a reluctance to publicly acknowledge the mutuality of said attraction… (“Intellectually” seems like a Lana-ism to deflect that Ema picked up, to me. Lana doesn’t seem to be very comfortable with who she is in general. She wears her King of Prosecutors medals when Edgeworth seems to think the award is tacky, and even Manfred, obsessed with achievement and perfection, and apparently winner of multiple King awards, doesn’t display his medals. Obviously this is because when they were designed, it was before the idea of King of Prosecutors existed, but I think that Lana pinning her achievements to her chest where they can clearly be seen in order to convince to both those around her and, more pressingly, to herself, that she is competent is interesting.) Her own goals also always come second to Ema. I think she’s probably felt quite suffocated by having to spend her whole adulthood so far being a mother to her.I have a lot of thoughts on her as a character, both in the context of lanamia and outwith. She’s very compelling to me, and although most of the time when I'm drawing her, it's the "used to be so gentle, always smiling" Lana that we never actually see in game, I want to push some of these key aspects of her in game identity into her, so I interpret that "gentleness" as a slight nervousness, and that "always smiling" as something mostly for Ema's sake, so she doesn't have to see her rock crumble, so to speak. Anyway, that's enough on her...

I don't know if you really wanted my dialogue writing tips, but anyway. There they are. I wrote way more than I meant to, so sorry about that, haha! Hope some of this could be useful.

I don't know that I know the characters better than their creators... I only hope I'm doing them and the stories I think they could have lived in justice. Thank you very much for the ask, haha!

[unknowable-known]

What do you mean by this, Sir?

I beseech there’s to elaborate. Thy humble student understands not the sentence in the context we’re discussing.

https://www.tumblr.com/unknowable-known/775238129644912640/sir-if-there-is-a-dangerous-situation-that-i

Sir,

I am a relatively reserved shit poster and reply guy, and ultimately I am "you" and no one. I have no students, I am not a teacher. We're just talking about the conceptually unknowable reality/experience of our nature here

I mean this literally. There are no actual dangers. You are transcended "infinitely" already.

You are "ultimate safety and relaxation" already

If this is all the case then why would I give you pointers on how to evade dangers? Literally just let the evasion happen. There is absolutely no HOW or why🌊 we can make up all the whys and hows in the illusory infinite universe, but it doesn't matter...it's "THATs" will, "your" true will. And you can know yourself whenever

When you see beyond the ramblings of the "mental complex" and not take the oddly reciprocated appearance of things so seriously, these apparent dangers can morph away. It's not that there is actually dangerous and safe. Because you are "THAT" you just ARE. No this or that. Just being. Just zero. It's even less specific than "1"

But fr why is this experience with a seeming "you" reading about this stuff? This is just a dream "playing out," go with the flow, have fun. Seem to evade so called "dangers" it's all the same dream anyway. Nothing can ever truly harm you, you are not the dream, the dream is of you...

(This is in no way endorsing doing anything risky😭)

Digg a little. See how all the illusory senses are of the same thing. You can literally "see" this...smell and sight - same thing. See how the apparent perception of space and other people are the same as tasting with your tongue, or feeling with your nerves. It's all THAT, all "yourSELF," all pure awareness, the eternal now

It's that simple, just take a peek. Let the mind be, just be.

You just seem to not evade dangers because that's what you're aware of

[besttropeveershowdown]

The Most Annoying Trope Showdown: Semifinals, Poll 2

Out-of-Context Eavesdropping

Someone overhears a conversation and, lacking the full context, misinterprets it as something more serious.

Propaganda:

I hate all miscommunication tropes but this is the one that makes me want to strangle people the most. "we need to fabricate a reason for A and B to hate each other, but not one based on their actual personalities or situation. Instead, Person A talks about something personal and important, but they decide to word it in the dumbest way possible. Person B decides to listen in on a private conversation and then gets so mad at this stuff they weren't supposed to hear that they don't even listen to the final sentence that completely recontextualises the whole conversation. also 90% of the time A would never express feelings this way AND B would never snoop this way. just poor writing to inspire the world's most insipid conflict between morons.

Pair the Spares

Every or nearly every character who did not get together with someone during the story is paired off in the epilogue or very end. The characters are often shown having kids together as well

Propaganda:

This may just be my aromanticism talking, but it's annoying seeing everyone getting shoved into a relationship at the last minute. It doesn't even make sense most of the time. Let! People! Be! Happy! Single!

I am aroace and I hate this. just let them be happy on their own, don't just pair up characters for the sake of pairing them up, even if they have zero chemistry. this happens so often in all kinds of media, and fandom is also guilty of this. not everyone needs a partner! leave them alone!

I love romantic subplots but this is just amatonormative bullshit. It has all of the "romantic partner=happy ending" bullshit that fucks people up in real life, with none of the fluttery crush feelings or the angsty decisions. It doesn't add anything to the character arcs and is only detrimental to the themes of a work as a whole. It can cast a shadow over other romantic subplots in the series I might have enjoyed up until this point, because I start to wonder if those romances were really about the character/themes/plot, or if the writers simply think "leading lady goes with leading man, sidekick with sidekick, etc. etc."

It's fucking stupid. A lot of the characters that end up together either barely interact, make no sense or both. It also implies the only happy ending requires love and marriage. It makes no sense for some of the characters to want to settle down and have kids even if they are with someone they love.

[spiritsglade]

for that dvd commentary ask thing, from the latest fic!!

He knows how he managed it, this time, but it still doesn't feel real. His limbs are numb and he can barely hear the clack of the teeth in his mouth, clattering against each other. The winter air burns in his lungs and with every breath it's like he can feel his body a little less.

He looks up at the stars. He thinks maybe if he knew the constellations, he'd have figured it out earlier. They move throughout the year, don't they?

So what if he doesn't know? What if he died again? He's alive now, Bruce is coming, and the sky above is the most beautiful thing he's ever seen.

for context, this is about my fic redux.

i wrote the first draft of this entire fic on the notes app of my phone at a christmas house party thing on… i want to say the 21st? i was very close to deleting the entire second half of the fic after the divider, and ending the first on something similar to that last little line ("the sky above is the most beautiful thing he's ever seen.") the only reason i kept it was literally just because i already shoved too many immortal jason todd foreshadowing bits into the first half and having them there without any payoff felt silly. but it was supposed no bruce, no batfam at all!! because the core of what i wanted to communicate with the fic was really captured in an earlier line: "He doesn't remember this part last time, the part where he's here and alive and the world feels impossibly open." [yes i was heavily considering cutting the superhero rpf. i will gladly kill my darlings!! (unfortunately this is a lie, seeing as i caved in the end.)]

because last time breaking out of the grave was only the beginning of jason todd's journey through hell. the hospital, the convalescent home, the streets, league training lazarus pit etc. there's a very frenetic energy to his first resurrection? he keeps going and going and going. time keeps slipping by he's catatonic and then he's fueled by rage, the entire timeline is filled in from retrospect. when under the hood first came out, it did not fucking matter how he came back to life, it only mattered that he came back (and came back wrong). which is to say, jason never got the chance to just. revel in being alive again? we're too busy playing out his revenge tragedy. he never had a moment where he could appreciate everything being alive offers that the nothingness of death does not. zero opportunity to sit and breathe. and i wanted to give him that.

that was, at conception, the point of the fic. i feel like it's a little weakened because now instead it's about bruce fucking wayne again but whatever i'll get over it.

okay a break down of the lines:

He knows how he managed it, this time, but it still doesn't feel real.

i'm gonna be for real, this is here because him being able to break out of a professional, expensive hardwood coffin six feet under while it's RAINING and he has FRESH injuries from the crowbar + explosion? literally fucking impossible. realistically he would have asphyxiated in there again within an hour and superboy punching the universe would have changed absolutely nothing. jason doesn't know how he managed to crawl out of his grave last time. the author doesn't know, either. but it makes sense how he managed it this time!!! i did my research!!

it does not feel real because it's still taking him time to process that he died again + probably the hypothermia's playing a part in that.

His limbs are numb and he can barely hear the clack of the teeth in his mouth, clattering against each other. The winter air burns in his lungs and with every breath it's like he can feel his body a little less.

Just descriptions of him being cold <3 and dying of hypothermia <3 i really enjoy descriptive writing. i probably could have edited it further to improve the flow of the sentences but. yeagh. cold air hurts my throat so bad it's upsetting.

He looks up at the stars. He thinks maybe if he knew the constellations, he'd have figured it out earlier. They move throughout the year, don't they?

jason does not know his constellations propaganda. i just think this city boy should get to witness the sky a little more often!! i don't know if you've seen those photos of how the sky looks with zero light pollution. personally, i will believe that's how it looks when i see it with my own two eyes. in the meantime, even my suburban hell has a pretty sky that is leagues better than what you'd get in pollution central.

So what if he doesn't know? What if he died again? He's alive now, Bruce is coming, and the sky above is the most beautiful thing he's ever seen.

this is feeding back into the original point of the fic. he wasn't alive before, sure but he is now!! live in the moment and appreciate it!

bruce is coming because i cannot fucking escape this asshole. if i write about jason he's always there hovering on the peripheral until i am forced to acknowledge him.

(sidenote: this is why he and jason have a face to face meeting in lies of omission ch.7 instead of the original plan, which would have saved any sort of confrontation between them for chapter like… 20. bruce just demands space. he's so annoying. go away.)

anyway this fic is pro-batfam and pro-bruce, which means! bruce coming is a good thing! it's a change to the ending of his death [bruce was too late] and his first resurrection [all the near misses that prevented bruce from finding him]. like in some ways this is meant to be an opposite thesis to then batman kills his son. if you squint. this time bruce will be here when jason needs him!!

i could not fit it in easily so i gave up, but bruce here has been forcibly benched in the cave, stuck running comms, due to injury. that's why it takes him all of 2 seconds to get on a batplane directly to jason's location.

and again stars are pretty propaganda. like guys i am so serious go out and look at the sky. i am an unironic 'do you like the color of the sky' post liker. i like that post so fucking much. you don't understand. the sky. guys. it can be blue and orange and pink and yellow and the stars and there are so many different kinds of clouds i don't think you understand how gorgeous it can be and and- gets shot

anyway.

this fic is a second resurrection for jason, one that is different from the first in every way that matters.

bruce wayne also had a support system this time so he didn't fall the fuck apart like the last time jason died <3 i didn't really have an exact figure in mind for how long jason's been dead but it's somewhere between 3-6 months. from their perspective, he straight up disappeared after a fight, so there's this weird mix of thinking he's dead but holding out hope that he'll come back. the grief is still very much present but they've managed to hold themselves together because they have each other! waves my hands around vaguely can you see where the title came from.

hm. in conclusion. being alive is pretty awesome. i recommend.

[slightecho]

Out of Context WIPS

Rules: if you're tagged, make a new post and share one or two sentences (or lines for artists) from your most recent unposted WIP with zero context.

I got tagged by @fynn-arcana !! Thank yoooouu friendddd 😆🫶

This is from the chapter I’m currently writing for Ashes, so I guess this will double as a preview of sorts lmao. I did three sentences, which is a little bit more than was asked, but oh well 🤪 the full paragraph was only three sentences so it didn’t make sense to cut the last one off.

This time, the sound wasn’t just clanging, but crashing as Hunter unceremoniously let go of the bar without letting them down easily. His hands slipping as his stomach suddenly cramped up in intense pain, jolting through him with a yelp. “Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Wrath quickly reached forward to put a hand on Hunter’s shoulder, steadying him as he collapsed forward, desperate to just get a break.

Sorry it wasn’t more happy go lucky 🤭 that’s just where we’re at!

Tagging: @silvvergears @childlikegoblinqueen @threegoblinart @oh-cramity-its-amity @unniebeans @daydreams-and-honeybees and anyone else who might want to! Sorry if I forgot anyone!

[brofightiscancelled]

hi! i just have a quick question about the literal translation you made of the dialogue of pizza. when he says "the true nature is still unknown to you" is he referring to karamatsu's true nature? like, is he saying that karamatsu doesn't know his true nature? or is he saying that the true nature of karamatsu's thoughts are unknown to him? OR is he saying that the true nature of karamatsu's exclusiveness (closer to the official tl) is unknown to him? also thank you so much for the tls of karamatsu's brand new world!

short answer: it's not stated, so it's up to your interpretation! this is a grammar translation quirk; in japanese, sentences often don't have a subject.

long answer: grammar lesson. for example in english a standard sentence would be like: "She was sad and cried." -> "she" is the subject of the sentence, we know who was sad and cried. but in japanese a standard sentence would essentially be, "was sad and cried"; who was sad and crying is usually implied via context.

the original sentence is "得体が知らない" (lit. "don't know [the] true nature"), with the subject of this sentence to be interpreted via context. english sentences sound very weird if you try to leave the subject out, so japanese -> english translations usually have to lock down on what they think the subject of a sentence is.

in the context of the original skit, where everyone is talking about karamatsu, it is pretty strongly implied that the subject of the sentence is karamatsu, so the translators translated it as "don't know [your] true nature" -> "you're a mystery". anime subtitles need to be read and understood quickly, so it makes sense to sacrifice nuance in favor of clarity.

when this sentence "得体が知らない" (lit. "don't know [the] true nature") is reused in the doujin, the wording is the exact same- the only thing that's changed is the context around the sentence, so the evidence you use to determine the subject of the sentence is is different. for a doujin that you can read slowly and are free to interpret, leaving room for nuance is arguably more important than clarity, which is why i included the translator's note; frankly there's like an 90% chance that the subject of the sentence (whats nature is unknown) is the same as in Pizza, which is why i didn't alter the wording in the typesetting, but there's a non-zero chance that it's referring to something else (like true nature of the reality he exists in), which is why i put the translator's note in :-)

(and actually even my literal alternate translation locked in on a subject where it was only implied: i decided that karamatsu was the one who doesn't Know, but it's never actually said who doesn't Know. for example it could be the Brothers that don't know. etc)

[antsday]

the last 500 words of in the palm of your hand for the ask meme!

I'm putting it all under a "Read More" because it's a little long. This is the fic, for reference, and this is the ask meme. Thank you so so much for the ask!!!

“So,” he says, shoving his hands into the pockets of his slacks so Deku won’t see how fucking sweaty they are. “You’ll have it ready by lunch tomorrow?”  Deku takes the laptop and tilts his head. “Uh. Yeah, I will. In fact, I can get it to you earlier than that-” “I’ll be busy for the rest of the day,” Katsuki lies. All his incident reports are done, and he’s got the night shift on patrol tomorrow. “You’re done by 2 tomorrow, right?” 

This passage was basically Bakugou trying to secure a lunch date with the IT nerd of his dreams and being painfully obvious about it- and he knows he’s being obvious about it, and he’s kind of freaking out because he’s never been in a situation like this. Personally, the nature of Bakugou’s quirk leads me to believe that he’s a really sweaty guy, and that it gets worse when he’s stressed - which makes sense in the context of battle, but is woefully inconvenient anywhere else. Like his palms are wet. 

“...Yes?” “Great. Look, I have to stop at that fucking- crepe place, down the street, right,” he says, praying to every God there is that he looks cool and casual and not like a ‘Deranged Goblin Man’, as the Hero Times described him a few months ago. “So. When you get off work you should meet me there. At the crepe place. Tomorrow. At two pm.” He doesn’t know what’s worse- the fact that he’s really doing this, being reduced to the same sort of emotional sap he would have made fun of only five years ago; or the fact that Present Mic’s lessons on subtlety and hidden meanings in text were actually good for something.  Look at him, effortlessly weaving together words to create sentences with underlying motives. He’s like a modern-day Shakespeare. He’s golden. He’s killing it. Bakugou Katsuki, master of words. He’s on cloud-fucking-nine. He’s- …aaaaand Deku isn’t responding. 

Honestly, one of the main reasons I wrote this fic to begin with is that I really really enjoy it when Bakugou’s blatantly pathetic- and when other characters think he’s pathetic. It’s so great to me. And I personally enjoy it a lot more than when he’s always put together and effortlessly suave- I feel like that’s how he wants to be perceived, but it’s not really how he comes across even when he’s trying. And he’s really trying here. He really likes Deku, and knows his usual unique charm isn’t going to work in actually getting someone to romantically like him, so he pulls out all the stops. One thing I really like to do and always try to do in my writing is to give hints about other character’s interests and personalities within a separate character’s inner monologue- like here, where I mentioned Present Mic having classes like that. I always like reading little details like that in fics and stories because it always gives the impression that there’s more going on in the world. 

Deku blinks. He opens his mouth. Closes it. He sets the laptop down, staring up at Katsuki intently, and Katsuki starts to sweat.  You are Bakugou Katsuki, he reminds himself. You might be down bad, but you’re not weak. It will not kill you if he rejects you. Well, it’ll kill you a little. But not that much.  “At the crepe pla- to give you the laptop, right?” says Deku slowly. His face is turning bright red. Katsuki goes a little weak in the knees.  “Sure, yeah,” Katsuki says half-heartedly. “Look, if you want, I could. I dunno. Fucking- buy you a crepe or something. As payment.”  He’s so smooth. Eat your fucking heart out, Dunce Face. ‘Zero game’, his ass. 

This might just be me but I always think it’s really funny when characters say one sentence, and then blatantly and immediately do a 180 in like, a sentence after that. It’s especially funny when it’s Bakugou- also kind of sad, though. I feel like his superiority and inferiority complexes were in constant battle in his first year, and he still has moments like that. He really wants Deku to like him back, and while he doesn’t doubt his own capabilities to put in the work, he is doubtful of how that’ll affect Deku. Luckily for him, Deku finds him sorta endearing. 

“Sure,” Deku says, scratching the back of his neck, smile just a tad bit shy. His face is still mildly flushed. Katsuki swoons (and does his best to not let it show on his face). “I- uh. I’d like that. I guess.”  “Cool,” says Katsuki. “Cool. Great. Okay, bye. Be there or else. Bye. See you.” He turns on his heel and power walks out of the room, not once looking back, even when Pigtails nearly crashes into him or when Deku makes a noise suspiciously like he’s slamming his head against the desk. He walks out of the room, into the hallway, back to his own office. The door slams shut behind him. He takes a deep breath. Squeezes his eyes shut. A breathlessly excited grin forces his way onto his face, and he pumps his fists, victorious.  He's got a date.

I am a Deku enjoyer first and foremost, and so everything I write kind of reflects that. In a way I think it’s sweet that Bakugou's so smitten, that he’s being such a disaster and that Deku’s all perfect- even if Deku’s equally, if not slightly more- of a disaster than he is.

All in all, this fic was so sweet and fun to write and I was satisfied with how I ended it, which I rarely ever am. Thank you to everyone who read it, and thank you, anon, again for this lovely ask! If anyone would like to send me a similar ask or anything, please feel free to hmu!

[sweet-william-writes]

For the ask game! 🖍 ♻ 🤔 ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

🖍 Post any sentence from your wip-

Okay I've got SO MANY wips rn lemme see which has the juiciest option...

Lol okay Imma give yall more than a sentence cuz that just seems fair-

“Have I ever told you… that you have a pretty mouth.”

“Um… no.”

“You do. Have a really pretty mouth.” Kim said, reaching up and pressing his thumb to Porchay’s bottom lip, pressing down on where it was full and plump. "Pretty mouth that makes too many pretty noises…” He slurred, almost like he didn't know he was saying it out loud enough to put in the effort to enunciate.

“K-Kim?” Porchay stammered, the movement of his words making Kim’s thumb slip forward until it was almost touching his tongue.

“Pretty…” Kim couldn’t help repeating, pushing it the rest of the way forward, groaning when Porchay’s tongue flinched back for a second before instinct seemed to take over and he licked at the digit, a moment later taking it even further and closing his lips around it and giving it a shy suck.

ANYWHO ENJOY THAT WITH ZERO CONTEXT

♻ A scrapped idea for your current wip-

There was a more messy version of events planned originally for I Just Want To Stay Here, where instead of Chay catching Kim on the phone with Chan, he was able to keep the mafia stuff a secret longer and started to kinda have a crisis about what to do cuz he couldn't just keep being a creep and hanging around a teenager's house "taking advantage" of him indefinitely, he either needed to stop lying and come up with a more permanent solution for Chay's safety or lie more and break things off AND find a permanent solution he could keep secret. His emotional messiness is visible to Chay who also gets angsty cuz he draws all the wrong conclusions why Kim is being weird.

With this set up when the truth came out and they ended up at the compound, Kim was going to be a lot angstier and emotionally unstable, especially cuz he hates being at the compound and feels super guilty for dragging Chay into Theerapanyakul Mess, so he shuts down emotionally and Chay is caught between angsting for his own copious reasons and wondering why Kim is so different now that they are around his family and not at his house. Does he not want something real and out in the open, did he only want Chay when it was a secret? Is he ASHAMED of Chay?

It was going to be super fun to torture both of them way more, but by the time I got to this part of the plot, honestly it just didn't fit anymore, they were way too bonded and in love, not to mention had learned to communicate and open up to each other too well for this to work. Plus the reveal I came up with was just, mwah too perfect.

🤔 What's a story you'd love to write but haven’t even started yet-

Apologies this answer got SO long lol I have made ALL these answers WAY TOO LONG

Oh god SO MANY to pick from, I have a ridiculous amount of fic ideas sitting in various google docs or notes on my phone that I have no idea when or if I'll ever get to them. I guess the first one that comes to mind is the sequel/prequel to Where You Fell. I technically have started it in the sense it has a tentative name (These Days You Tend To Lie) and some ideas I've already had, but I've never actually tried to Start it yanno?

I have only a Very rough idea of the plot and also whose pov it would be in, an important choice since the changing povs that never switched to wwx was one of the best parts of wyf in my opinion, but I'd been playing with ideas for a prequel way before I even finished wyf.

It would be set years in the past and be about Jin Guangyao and the story of how 3zun got together, with interspersed flashbacks to all their childhoods like wyf has AND flashforwards to events after wyf like an almost-sequel-epilogue kind of thing. It would be a great way to explore jgy and nhs more which I Really wanted to do (and honestly the mostly unfair hate they got in comments on wyf just made me want to do it even more) AND (yes I'm officially rambling now lol) I could show how chengsang's relationship healed after wyf.

Plus honestly I've always been dying to write a 3zun fic but no other idea I've ever had seems good enough. It would be a HUGE project so idk if I ever will, but it is there, sitting in my backpocket, Waiting

(If anyone wants any details feel free to message me and I totally will ramble more about this lol)

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥-

😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘😘

[raintranslated]

Complete Best Regret Messages: Kallen

Read on Dreamwidth!

Extolling the Brave Chivalry of Youth[1]

Before I met you, I was really just irritated. I thought: "I want to change the world[2]," but though I lashed out, recklessly, I didn't actually believe I would be able to change anything.

When I lost my brother, it was like a heavy door had slammed shut behind me. I wasn't going to let that go. I'd fight to the bitter end. There'd be no going back, I decided. And then, someday, I'd die — just like my brother had. To the end, Kouzuki Kallen would follow no leader, serve no master[3]. Dimly, I'd thought that small, stubborn pride would be the end of me. But then: like a morning star coming into view, you called for me[4].

Whenever I was doing something for your sake, I felt lighter. No battle was too difficult. Whenever you directed us to a battlefield, I came running, wanting to be the first one there[5]. I wanted to become a lion, to rip your enemies apart with my teeth. To dirty myself with any amount of muck[6], so long as it cleared the way for you.

It's strange, really, if you think about it. It was supposed to be about loathing — and fighting against — Britannian despotism, but before I knew it, I had all this personal loyalty to you[7].

Hey, Lelouch. That last moment we had together, with that kiss… Well, if you'd said I love you8 back then, it wouldn't have mattered if it was a lie — I still would have followed you all the way into your personal hell. But you already knew that, didn't you?

Not very characteristic of you, was it. Wasn't manipulating people by saying that sort of thing one of your talents…? Yeah, that was so uncharacteristically… gentle.[9] Maybe because you wanted to tell me to live on…?

Even though that sort of gentleness isn't at all why I fell for you[10], heh[11].

Translation notes below the cut. Original Japanese text for you to check yourself transcribed from the above image available at my Dreamwidth link.

[1] This is the title of the first ending theme; other regret messages similarly take their titles from theme songs. This was released as part of an Original Soundtrack CD, after all. [2] 現実=reality, to be more literal. [3] 支配者たちに従わなかった = serve/follow/obey no masters/leaders/rulers. IMHO this use of たち makes perfect sense in Japanese, by "serve no masters" sounds somewhat grammatically awkward. Importantly, given what Kallen is about to talk about, I think she's speaking somewhat ironically about how she'd made this small vow to herself, but was about to wind up following/serving/etc Zero. [4] The verb, 誘う, means to invite or to call for or to take someone along (and also to tempt/lure/entice/seduce); in this case, I think Kallen is referring both literally and metaphorically to Lelouch suddenly calling her on the radio in Stage 2 and guiding her to victory. [5] Sudden volitional form on this and the next three lines, that indicating (in this context) Kallen's strong intention to do [whatever]. The switch here to present-tense isn't literal, but rather a common device in Japanese writing to add a sense of emphasis and immediacy, sort of like when an English sentence begins with "Suddenly…!" [6] Given the "title", likely a bit of a reference to the lyric 混濁の純潔この���は汚れても / Even if my purity is sullied and this self is dirtied. [7] だもの is a sentence ending that indicates a reason in a tone of protest, such as 14歳だものね = "You're fourteen.", where the speaker is probably pointing out that the person they're talking to is too young (to stay out late, or whatever). In this case, the はずなのに + んだもの is definitely a complaint. She should have been focused on the larger war, but she wound up more focused on her personal loyalty to "Lelouch, ugh" — sort of a sentiment. (Though, I'm sure, affectionate now.) [8] Strong, dramatic phrasing here, because such strong dramatic phrasing would have swept Kallen off her feet and convinced her, as she elucidates, to follow him anywhere — even if it meant throwing away her morals and working for what she thought, at the time, was a mad tyrant. (Claims I've seen about this line, that Kallen wouldn't have even imagined Lelouch saying it hypothetically if she hadn't been completely sure he loved her — are extremely weird and based on nothing at all, lol.)[9] Again, the present-tense here adding emphasis. [10] 好きになった=to come to care about, to learn to like, to fall in love with. This phrase is used platonically as well as romantically (you can, for example, talk about developing a taste for beer this way). Kallen almost certainly means it romantically, though, given all the givens — but she's not necessarily talking about deep love, this could very easily be a crush. [11] This and "Well" and a couple of other little flourishes have been added to the English in an attempt to convey the very casual tone of Kallen's entire message, which is full to the brim with ね: like she's talking casually, albeit in a heartfelt way, to a friend (or perhaps a boyfriend! if you want to interpret it that way!) — rather than writing a dramatic letter.

[marie95disneygirl]

Why I Still Hate That One Line at the End of Tangled (And How It Let the Series Rewrite Everything That Made the Original So Beautiful)

I’ve loved Tangled for years. It meant the world to me—a love story built on mutual sacrifice, freedom, and trust. A man willing to die for the woman he loves. A woman so selfless she gives up her dreams to save him. It was about healing, choosing each other, and finally being free together.

But that one line at the end—

“After years and years of asking, and asking, and asking… I finally said yes.” —ruined everything for me.

It was meant to be a light joke. A fairy-tale quip. But instead, it opened the door to one of the worst misinterpretations I’ve ever seen in a fandom—and it ultimately allowed the Tangled series to completely undo everything beautiful about the original story.

Because the line is vague. It doesn’t clarify whether Rapunzel ever rejected Flynn. He jokingly says she asked him, she corrects him, and he just shrugs: “All right, I asked her.” That’s it. And because he doesn’t say “I asked her once,” people now insist this means she rejected him over and over for years.

And that makes her look awful.

It makes it seem like the girl who was ready to sacrifice her entire freedom to save the man she loved suddenly saw marrying him—building a future with him—as worse than the prison she spent 18 years suffering in.

And then the Tangled series ran with that interpretation. They took that one vague line and turned it into canon: Rapunzel rejecting Flynn for years, treating marriage like a trap, having panic attacks over commitment, calling marriage a kind of prison. It’s not empowering. It’s regressive, hypocritical, and completely out of character.

It makes everything in the movie feel fake.

She was willing to die for him, but won’t marry him?

She trusted him with her life, but not with a future?

Marriage to the man who literally died for her is somehow oppressive?

What kind of message is that?

And worst of all—it doesn’t just ruin Rapunzel’s character. It destroys Flynn, too.

Because if she truly rejected him for years, and he just stayed there, waiting, loving her through it, being turned down over and over while she called marriage a prison—that turns him into a doormat. A guy with zero self-respect. And then he jokes about it like it didn’t emotionally destroy him? That’s not charming. That’s tragic.

I loved Flynn. He was brave, flawed, funny, and ultimately selfless. And that version of Rapunzel—the one who grew, learned to love, and made her own choices—loved him too. But the series made her look like someone who didn’t value him. Who took him for granted. Who saw commitment not as freedom, but as a cage.

It makes their love story look like a lie. And it breaks my heart.

And yeah—if we’re being real about the historical or fairy-tale context? Marriage was the only way couples could truly be together. In many stories, including Rapunzel, that longing to share a life and love each other fully is part of what makes the romance powerful. Rejecting marriage in that world is not progressive. It’s cold.

So yes, I hate that line. Because it let all of this happen.

One vague sentence gave people a weapon to rewrite an entire love story into something toxic and ugly. And it hurts so much because this story meant something. It gave me hope. It made me believe in love that was selfless and healing and real.

And now I feel like that was stolen. By a joke. By a shrug. By writers who came later and didn’t care about what made the original story so powerful.

So no—I’m not being “too sensitive.” I’m reacting exactly how anyone would if they watched their favorite characters be turned into strangers. If they saw their favorite love story twisted into something that made no emotional sense.

I wish they’d left it at the lanterns and the kiss. Or made the joke clearer. Or just ended it without ambiguity. Instead, that one line opened the door to a version of their love story that feels unrecognizable, even cruel.

And I’ll never forgive how that moment was used to rewrite everything it stood for and never stop grieving that. Because it mattered.

[bookmuseum]

[REVIEW] La Tercera by Gina Apostol

4/5 stars (★★★★)

This is the only Filipino read I chose for Asian Pacific Islander Heritage Month. Despite being Filipino, I tend to avoid the literature since it's all too close to literal home, and Gina Apostol's La Tercera was certainly a difficult read -- in more ways than one. The most difficult aspect, as I am seeing a lot of people touch on, is how Apostol shamelessly oscillates between a myriad of languages without giving the reader much context, warning, explanation, or room to think about what was just said before she switches to another language that pulls the rug completely from under you all over again. I grew up fluent in Tagalog, but that barely helped me with reading this novel since a good chunk of it is in Spanish, Cebuano, Waray, and other Filipino dialects that I'm completely ignorant to. As a Filipino, it was pretty embarrassing having to keep pulling up Google Translate all the time -- to the point I just permanently had it as an open tab on my phone that I'd go to with a heavy, frustrated sigh once I encountered words, sentences, and phrases that made zero sense to me. Though very irritating as a reading experience, I understood what Apostol was trying to do with this almost labyrinthine polyphonic setup and I do not wish she'd written her novel in any other way. She's 100% justified in how she presents the story on a linguistic and textual level, and, though I was ripping my hair out constantly while reading, I applaud her anti-racist and anti-colonial reversal of English + Spanish borrowings being assimilated into Filipino languages on Angolphone readers like myself. Apostol crafts her own process of linguistic colonization and (re)assimilation -- to both non-Filipinos and Filipinos alike, since, as she points out, we are oftentimes so divided and don't know much about our own histories or ourselves:

"Damage is in our genes, a cancerous lump. But who bothers to trace the source? It is nothing for us to be thrown to the winds. Nature is our unpredictable friend, the one we tolerate but do not like. We let nature do to us what we would do to nature . . . It destroys us in order to be free. We destroy it in order to live."

LT invites readers to think about history's lingering traces in the words we speak today, which translates over to written text as well.

I wish I had the intelligence and organizational skills to fully convey how brilliant this book is on the subject of history and historical revisionism in the Philippines, but just take my word for it. It was really, really helpful to read even just the Wikipedia summaries of a lot of the events Apostol touches on. I wish the edition I had introduced these historical events naturally or at least had some supplementary notes I could've used to make sense of what was going on, but again, Apostol forcing you to look these things up and educate yourself is all part of why this book is so subversive and daring. In the book, the main character Rosario also tries to decode and unravel a found manuscript that's much more nonsensical than the one I was struggling with, so you get the story within a story within a story layering that reminded me a bit of Gabriel Garcia Márquez's One Hundred Years of Solitude: "Every word I collected was a mixed-up spell, but each was an object that granted me permanence." (I'm seeing a lot of people in the reviews compare LT with Márquez's writing as well, but other than the sweeping, dreamlike treatment of the family saga of the Delgados -- which really didn't cover that many generations compared to the Aurelianos in OHoS -- I didn't find a lot of similarities with Apostol and Márquez's styles).

Apostol's dizzingly slapstick, yet still sometimes tender, but always clever writing was what ultimately kept me reading this difficult novel. Her prose was lyrical and succinct, cutting you where it hurts with perfect accuracy and descriptions: "I learned these matters by osmosis, in the way biography in a family is kind of not really told, just in the air like mayflies you sometimes mistakenly breathe in." What an accurate way to put it! Her words sizzled, contracted, and throbbed -- and I don't just mean the unfamiliar words in Waray giving me a gouging headache; the way she illustrated scenes, flavors, sounds, music, feelings, and conversations made me homesick in a way I can't explain. Her descriptions of the Philippines and its people were so vivid and true to life.

In addition to clearly having done her research and her own painstaking soul-searching, Apostol's labor of love was delivered with a fabulous and sad insanity that recalls a lot of what makes up the quintessential Filipino humor: It was tragic, but also funny. The melodrama gave you second-hand embarrassment, but you were still ready to cry and/or laugh out loud at a moment's notice soap-opera style. I totally understood Rosario's exasperation, amusement, and grief with her relatives all wrapped up in one central feeling of constant aching that just never goes away. Whenever she reflects on the whirlwind personalities of her family and her own unreliable nostalgia that "keeps me from seeing more freely, even from loving enough," I felt a knowing quietness descend upon me at reading those words. I see her, I really do.

On top of her use of reading and writing stories as a defense mechanism against confronting the emotional weight of her past, I really identified with Rosario's oddball Delgado family clan of traitors, revolutionaries, poets, artists, abusers, stowaways, politicians, doctors, etc. Apostol captured the strange sort of mythos Filipino families construct of our ancestors and then retell to our children -- whether they're true or not is a whole different story: "And we remember the wrong people. The proper heroes -- no one bothers to tell a thing about them. I mean, their relatives do not even know their actual names." Though you knew Apostol's stance on the sociopolitical issues on race, anti-colonization, and war that the novel brings up, she still retains a dignified human understanding to the very end that really solidified how personal this book was:

"I don't know why I took it that way -- that I saw nothing strange in the double lives of these adults, my mom's family, the Delgados, the way that I loved them, though they were loving and scary, good and bad, giving and corrupt, and our role as children was to know such divided selves as one of the riddles of being alive . . . So many stories, inconsequential legends that we have repeated to ourselves, wrapped up in the house that right now, I know, we are destroying."

These same words could perfectly describe my messy family history as well, but, as Apostol says, "[T]here are ways that people remain the same, and even in their transformations you know their kernel because you knew them too early . . . Your knowing is dangerous because they know the same about you." Family is so twisted and double-sided.

However, I think LT would've been better if the familial connections and ties were explored deeper -- both emotionally and genealogically. We didn't really get much on Adino, sweet Adino, and the supposedly entrenched brotherly relationship between Jote and Paco felt one-dimensional and boring. Though I liked reading about Rosario's relationship with her mother, that was the only compelling dynamic in the novel. I get that the book is trying to talk about familial estrangement, but Apostol hinted at a lot of intimate, visceral themes concerning one's cultural identity: "I know what I lose. But what does the world lose with that void? Or -- what knowledge do you not have, of what I have taken for granted?" Rosario's introspections were interesting, but they weren't as fleshed out as I'd liked -- especially in relation to other characters, who are supposed to be her family.

I would say my favorite parts of this book were the later sections where Rosario ruminates on her late mother Adina an guapa: "No matter how much I stared at my mother in her coffin, I recognized, like too many daughters, that I will never know who my mother was . . . A mother is someone who is hard to know." It's such a classic, tale-as-old-as-time Joy Luck Club plotline: Immigrant child who's now a success overseas due to having subconsciously tried to erase their past as well as their parents has to now come back to the elusive homeland to bury a family member whose death catalyzes a book's worth of reflection on loss, intergenerational trauma, family ties, love, colonial legacy, trauma, etc. The end result is as devastating as losing a limb, because cultural and familiar displacement are their own kinds of amputation. I've read a dozen books with this same premise, but Apostol managed to put her own special and hard-hitting spin on it nevertheless: "My mother's gift to me was that she believed in all of my dreams, including the stupid ones . . . She kept up a perfect face no matter how ordinary or significant the moment, so that neither her illness nor her love sent me home." Like many other novels of its kind, LT is about the inseparability of one's self from family and from country, but Apostol makes it much more complicated with her exploration of the world as seen through the eyes of mothers and daughters.

I underlined and highlighted a lot of amazing lines in this book, but for most them I couldn't tell you why I liked them: "Is there a word for the feeling of being in someone else's clothes? To feel it when others touch something, and it seems like when someone swallows, his food is also going into your body, and pain has a color, like black for blood, and a purplish-beige tint for the lash of gihay." Apostol put into words a lot of my own mixed feelings as a first-generation Filipino immigrant who has spent most of my adult life in Canada, which in turn has virtually estranged from my parents and the life they lived back home. Rosario doesn't have as many degrees of separation from the Philippines and its history as I do, and while it was painful to be reminded of just how little I know and keep bottled up never wanting to touch, this book was very valuable for me to read because it made me reopen dusty rooms in myself that I usually keep closed -- rooms that look like my lolo and lola's attic in Tandangsora, or the sala in our house in Cavite, long rotted, that had held all my cousins, grandparents, parents, titos, titas, and family friends all together for a few brilliant shining moments of inconsequential gatherings that nobody but the photo albums swallowed by termites will remember. Once upon a time.

[tellmeallaboutit]

WIP game

Tagged by the one and only, my fellow Zhent @littleplasticrat

Rules: make a new post and share 1-2 sentences from your most recent unposted WIP(s) with zero context – Let your followers guess!

*** (2 sentences lol)

"By the Black Hand... it is you... Selene," Gortash murmured as his gilded hand reached out to skim her cheek. Eileen took a step back further causing Gortash's claw-like glove to scrape nothing but thin air between them. His surprise was palpable—hurt evident in his gaze—as was a malicious sense of satisfaction that now tinged the crowd’s whispers. The name he called her (Selene?) was unfamiliar, neither was the intense yearning in his voice. She had heard tales aplenty of Lord Gortash, but none had painted him as a lunatic; at least not of this variety. She corrected him tersely: "I am Eileen, Lord Gortash. It is a please to finally meet you." There was very little pleasure involved. His bloodshot, weary eyes locked onto hers evoked a feeling that she should recognize him somehow. The same feeling told her to stay away. His poise faltered momentarily at her words before regaining its composure. "Ah, I see now," he finally said, spitting out every word if it was bitter in his mouth. “A new name for your new heroic life...” Gale's worried eyes found hers and she shook her head - this man was a stranger. Gortash's gaze flitted between Gale and Eileen before settling back on Gale with a hardened expression. "And a new lover too?"

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Tagging @coreene @dodorimo @beesht