#sending positive vibes into the universe that I'm not wrong

[1thesewordsaremyown1]

Looking at the way this season, in particular the way that Buck's story line has panned out so far, I'm going to put on my Optimistic Akubra (that's like a bush/stockman's kind of hat for non-Aussies wondering what the hell that is) here and say that Buck and Tommy will be back together by the end of the season.

Read under the cut for my long arse dissertation as to why I think this is the case.

Now I know there have been many of us who have said that Buck and Tommy's story has been following a rom com trope and we're ready for the final third act. I fully agree with this, but I'm not going to look at their story through that lens, but more of that of general storytelling within television, and specifically what we have seen in 911 so far.

While 911 mostly have insular stories, they do have story arcs that carry out throughout a whole season (or even multiple seasons) for their characters. Hen had her medical school arc that lasted for several seasons, this season Eddie's arc has all been about being able to get Christopher back, and this season (last two really, although it's been more prominant this year), Buck's arc has been about his relationship with Tommy. (Yes, his abandonment issues as well, but that's been an arc that has been going on since pretty much day 1, so at this point it's more a point of who Buck is rather than an arc.)

Looking at it through the lens of a GA (or as best as I can), in the last two seasons we've seen Buck meet a guy who blew him away so much it made him realise he was bisexual, start a relationship with this person, be happy with this person, get broken up with only to not be able to stop thinking about this person, meet up (and hook up) with said ex and reveal each other (and the audience) that they both still want to be together only for them to be absolute idiots and part ways again, still hurting (and still baking...). If the season doesn't end with the resolution of them being together and instead Buck is left single and alone once more (it is faaaar too late in the game to suddenly throw in buddie this season if that was what they were going for), it leaves an anticlimactic taste in the audience's mouth. Even if they did have a nice conversation and decide they shouldn't get back together after all, it would leave the audience questioning "what?!? All that pain, and pining, only for them to NOT resolve their differences and get back together, especially when they have shown that they WANT to? What a waste!"

Another thing to look at is all of Buck's partners on the show so far. Tommy has been the longest lasting of any of his love interests to date. You could argue that Taylor has lasted longer as she first appeared in S2 and her last appearance was in one ep of S6, but besides hooking up, they didn't actually get together until the end of S4 and were broken up by the end of S5, whereas while Buck and Tommy were also together for roughly a season, they have a "will they won't they" dynamic still playing out that we know will most likely continue until at least episode 14/15 on an 18 episode season. Now if the plan had always been for Tommy to simply be a "starter relationship", why bother going to all this effort to keep Tommy around? They could have had them break up at the end of last season, although considering how it was reduced to only 10 eps, you could argue they ran out of time to do so. Ok then, why not break them up off screen in the hiatus like they did with Natalia? Instead, even though (I believe) he wasn't initially supposed to be there, they brought Tommy back in the first ep to remind the audience that Buck has a boyfriend (a boyfriend that he was very much into by the way, with all their heavy flirting). Well ok, you could then argue that they wanted to SHOW the breakup. So why bother writing ep 8x05? I mean, as much as we love Tommy, the truth is he hadn't had a lot of screen time - if 8x05 had not existed, the casual viewer wouldn't have been as invested with the breakup. "Oh well, this guy that we see pop up every now and then has broken up with one of our mains. meh, okay, we didn't really see much of them anyway." But Tim decided to create 8x05 AFTER they had already filmed 8x06 because he wanted the breakup to hurt.

Now, I know we were all a bit pissed when we heard this. Thought it was Tim just being cruel towards bucktommy shippers. But thinking objectively, why would he want to be? Bucktommy shippers have been nothing but supportive of the relationship from day 1. We have all loved Tommy's character, the relationship and the storyline. We didn't send death threats or harassed the showrunners or the actors on social media - we were heaping them with praise! Unless he's an absolute sociopath, why would Tim want to hurt us when we appreciated what he was doing? Unless he wasn't intending to hurt us specifically - he wanted to hurt the GA. He wanted that extra episode to flesh out Tommy's character a bit more, show how Buck and Tommy's relationship really worked so that when they broke up, the GA would be upset and want the pair back together. Because with no 8x05, the GA would be wondering why the hell Buck is still pining for this guy weeks and months later.

So why would Tim bother making sure the GA were receptive towards Tommy unless... he had planned on bringing him back? If Tommy wasn't meant to be important to Buck, why bother having him pop up in 8x11? If they wanted to show that Buck was lonely after Eddie left, they could have had him hook up with anyone. But instead, they had him hook up with Tommy. Because he's not just lonely in general - specifically it is Tommy that he misses, it's Tommy he wants to be with. Because despite what they had Maddie say, Buck has been alone before. In fact, he has been alone throughout most of the series! Of the six seasons prior to the shift to abc, he's probably spent at least half of that time single. And no breakup has ever left him as devastated as what Tommy has left him. And furthermore, if they do have Tommy called in to pilot one of the helicopters we've seen in the spoilers for eps 14/15, again, they could have had any pilot do that - Tommy is not the only pilot at Harbor. If they had no intention of reuniting Buck and Tommy, they could have used any random actor and they just do an offhand comment about Tommy not being on shift at the time, or Buck say how they haven't spoken since the breakup etc to effectively write Tommy out of the show. Having Tommy keep popping back into Buck's life is a very deliberate choice that the writers are making.

Now going onto the target audience of 911. 911 is a procedural - it runs on network television where it drops one episode a week for an approximate 18 episode season (this has varied over the years due to multiple factors, so we'll keep it at the 18 average). The style of tv is aimed at the older audience - older millennials through to boomers - who have grown up with this and are used to this style of tv. The younger generations, the streaming era, from what I've seen in the forums of a variety of shows tend to prefer shows with shorter seasons and released in the one shot so they can binge. And on top of that, look at the cast of 911 - the two youngest are Oliver and Ryan at 33 and 37 respectfully. The rest of the cast's ages range from 49 through to 66. It seems only logical that the vast majority of their audience are within this age bracket (and if you look at their viewing figures, you'll see that this is pretty accurate). Their target audience are MOSTLY people who don't go into fandom spaces like tumblr. So we have to remember, that no matter how much the buddie fans bang and crash and scream on all sorts of social media platforms, they are not the majority of the audience. We are not the majority of the audience. 911 pulls in about 3.5 million to 4 million viewers a week. US viewers that is. There are also who knows how many millions of viewers outside of the US (of which I am one). Yet the 911 instagram page only has 965k followers. Their facebook page has just under double that. And of those followers, they don't even get 1% of that number engaging in their posts - the most engagement they get are usually bucktommy and buddie related posts where the buddie fans have a tendency to spam the comments, but even then, those posts get only a maximum of 3-4 thousand comments. Let's face it - the fandom world is MINISCULE compared to the general audience. Tim and co are not going to write to cater for the buddies (although I do believe the last ep was them trying to finally shut buddie down without one of the characters staring down the camera and blatantly saying it, because small as they are, they have caused a lot of harm in the past with their harassment). Hell, they're not going to cater to us either. They're going to cater to the general audience. And what the GA are seeing on screen, what they are being guided by the show to do is cheer on Buck and Tommy. All the show has ever shown is Buck and Eddie as a close friendship, and when you look at the comments from the general audience on facebook (you can tell they are GA as they don't seem to have "fandom speak") many of them (the ones who aren't homophobic and are still hating on bi-Buck that is) are liking Buck and Tommy together. Were upset when they broke up.

We also have to remember that 911 was cancelled back in season 6, before it was picked up by abc for season 7 and beyond. When they made the switch, they probably picked up a lot of new viewers (I've certainly seen plenty of posts on tumblr of people admitting they only started watching from S7). I know we all complain about how 911 has a tendency to recycle stories, but the thing is, not everyone who started watching once it hit abc have either the means or the motivation to go back and watch a whole six seasons to catch up. This could explain why we are getting stories that we thought were wrapped up years ago brought up all over again - Bobby's trauma over losing his family, Eddie's inability to move on from Shannon, Hen and Karen trying to grow their family again etc. Season 7 and 8 have basically been almost a soft reboot of the show or a really long winded "here's what you missed last week on Glee."

So for those viewers who have only ever watched from season 7 onwards, what have they seen of Buck's storyline? Sure, there has been the mention of past ex's (mostly Abbie) but from what the GA have seen, Tommy has been Buck's only love interest. They are onto the second season at abc now, and broken up or not, Tommy is still here. That has to mean something to that audience. That Tommy means something, especially as Lou is not a main. And for those of us who have been here from the beginning? Well, like I said, the show likes to recycle storylines, and we are seeing it here - this story has played out before. But not with Buck - with Chim and Maddie. A couple who seemed so good together, only to break up. One is a runner, the other a clinger. Unable to move on from each other, they end up hooking up, before finally deciding to get back together. Now obviously, they can't reuse that storyline with Maddie and Chim themselves by breaking them up again and redoing it, that would be waaaay too on the nose, but they can certainly do it with someone new, and we are seeing it with Buck and Tommy.

Now, I was GA up until 7x04, until I saw the chemistry that Buck and Tommy had and went looking for fanfiction (which ultimately led me here), so while I admit I have a bias towards Buck and Tommy now, i'm still new enough to this fandom that I can remember what I saw and felt as a member of the GA. I had no idea buddie was such a big thing until I first popped onto Tumblr (although to be fair, I wasn't surprised when I found out - I have been in several different fandoms over the years, and m/m non canon ships always seem to be the favourite. I was surprised at how aggressive they were though, which I really shouldn't have been, as I've unfortunately seen that in other fandoms too). The people in my life who still watch the show and are in NO WAY part of the fandom (I don't think they even know what a fandom IS), are tv watchers only, and have never had the slightest inkling that there might be anything more to Buck and Eddie than friendship. I have seen that sentiment echoed by others here who have told of the reactions of GA members in their lives. Like I said, most of the audience are seeing what the show is telling us. And so far? The show is telling us that Buck is NOT in love with his "straight best friend". That Buck and Tommy still care about each other. They still want to be together. Their story isn't over.

And here is why I think they will reunite by the end of the season (I know, I know, it took me a whole arse ramble to get me to this point). The thing is, they can't wait until next season to resolve Buck and Tommy's story line. People will have lost interest in the what, four/five month long hiatus between seasons? Not including Natalia, because they thought they were being cancelled and wanted Buck to have a happily ever after, but there's a reason that all of Buck's prior relationships have fizzled towards the end of a season - so they can start fresh when the new one begins without the baggage weighing him down (there was obviously baggage following Abbie, but she was a main, so there has to be exceptions made to explain her absence and to be fair, Buck only held on because he thought she was coming back - once he realised she wasn't, there wasn't much pining going on). Hell, almost ALL of the character's major relationship dramas have been resolved by the end of a season (only for fresh ones to pop up at the next) - it's just the way 911 likes to work. But they've broken away from the regular script here. They had Buck and Tommy break up towards the beginning of the season. They deliberately have shown Buck pining and unable to move on. He keeps mentioning Tommy. They brought Tommy back and teased them almost getting back together until they blew it with their communication issues. We know Tommy will be back for the big two parter, and that they will be utilising his skills. Tim and co are going out of their way to try and make Tommy sympathetic (they could very well have made him the absolute villain when he broke up with Buck, but they haven't), to show him as useful and more than just a "bed buddy" for Buck. Why bother with all this effort, with all this character building for a recurring character, if it's going nowhere? Because guaranteed, bringing back Tommy for this one time post breakup has sowed the seeds of a potential reconciliation in the minds of the GA. But bring him back a second time, for a big story line? They will absolutely be expecting by the end of this season, if not before, for them to reunite.

Now am I 100% sure this will happen? Of course not. Will I be upset if they don't get back together? Absolutely. Because no matter how much it makes sense (and now that SWAT has been cancelled, we know Lou will have more time to pop in as a recurring next season so availability shouldn't be an issue, not to mention Lou has said he loves playing Tommy) the writers could decide to ball this all up and throw it in the bin. They have dropped big plot lines before. Hen's med school story for example. I really thought they were going to use that as a way of expanding the 911 world - the 118 do the rescues and then bring them to Hen to save them. And can you imagine the drama of Hen having to work on one of her old teammates? Of her coming in to work on a lightning strike victim only to see it's Buck on the table?!? But nope, all that time, effort and MONEY that Hen would have spent on that education only for her to go "meh." What a waste. Anyway, I digress. There's every chance that Buck and Tommy will never get back together. But what I am saying though, is if the writers do decide to follow the road they have been laying out, it only makes sense for Buck and Tommy to reunite before the season ends.

And I am 100% here for it if they do.

[tennisdadsaficionado]

OK so long post, please bear with me here.

1) When I have a hyperfixation, I (like many neurosparkly people) take any slight, perceived or otherwise, against the object of my hyperfixation incredibly personally. My hyperfixation is on Jannik himself as much as it is on tennis (I don't like admitting that LOL) so right now, I'm pretty stressed. I have no idea how he's holding it together because I am NOT. Yes, I am trying to be all manifesting positivity and not worry about something I can't control because and my therapist would be incredibly proud of me, she's been working on this with me for years. Like I legitimately feel like I've just failed a drugs test here. I feel worse than I did when I lost my job a couple of months ago.

2) I am autistic so it's possible that might be reading intent behind comments I'm seeing wrong but jokes/comments/anything about unaliving yourself and/or or perpetrating violence against sporting agencies = bad. I'm finding things I'm seeing to be very triggering. I have just had a panic attack here. Li has had to do some grounding with me. I'm still kinda crying. I have been dealing with unaliving myself ideation for over 30 years, and have attempted to do so on multiple occasions.

Jokes about unaliving yourself are not funny. If you think it's an appropriate way of expressing how upset/angry/stressed you are, it's not. If you seriously feel that way, please please please get help, please talk to someone. It doesn't have to be a professional.

This… y'all it's making me incredibly uncomfortable and triggered, and I don't use 'trigger' lightly - my partner has c-PTSD and I have many diagnosed anxiety/mental health disorders, so I never use it to mean 'oh I just don't like it', we're talking full on involuntary recall of trauma here and psychological and physiological response to said trauma.

I'm already loving tennisblr and I want to be part of the community I've found here. I absolutely do not expect anywhere online to be a safe space for me. I've been in online fandom for over 25 years, I know it's down to me to curate my online experience - and believe me, I do. So going forward, and I absolutely don't mean to flounce here because I don't want to leave, I am here for the fucking love of tennis, of Jannik, but may have to start unfollowing/block for the good of my own mental health. Which I hate because up to now, my experience of tennisblr, of Jannikblr, is pretty much full of love and acceptance and a very welcoming community. But before I go ahead and start unfollowing/blocking, I wanted to take the time to put this post out there and hope that maybe it'll make people think about what they're saying, about the impact the language that's being used can have. If you feel the need to unfollow me for saying this, I understand.

3) I'm seeing some misinformation about the appeal being spread. So, from what I've been able to ascertain, as this is an appeal case that's being put before the CaS, the process is different because there's no investigation being done by them - that's already been done by the ITIA. This is WADA saying we disagree with the outcome. WADA have submitted their appeal, Sinner's team will now/may already have submit their reply to the CaS. The CaS then decide if they're even going to accept the appeal. If they do, a hearing well be held, both parties present evidence and argue their case. Now, as this is an appeals case, this must be done WITHIN 3 months. And the verdict can be given on the day of the panel. (https://www.tas-cas.org/en/general-information/frequently-asked-questions.html)

4) I know I've used the phrase 'manifest positivity' already, both in this post and previous, but like… Tennisblr manifested the Sincaraz season slam, right?. Tennisblr is working super hard on manifesting a Sincaraz final in Beijing. So lets use our powers for good and send out the good vibes into the universe, and buoy up our boy, let him know we're behind him, we believe in him and all that. (Yeah, kinda pagan kinda hippie. I kinda am).

At the end of the day, regardless of what happens, we know he did nothing wrong!

Thank you for coming to my TEDtalk. But seriously, if you've read this far, thank you.

[simplyclary]

Notes From My Heart To Yours

(Photo edit by me)

Alexa, play the entirety of Taylor Swift "The Tortured Poets Department" album

It's another one of those sentimental evenings when I decide to write letters and notes to the people that I consider to be my virtual family. I consider them more than my virtual friends, they are my virtual sisters considering that I talk to most of them almost everyday and they make me so happy and they also make my stay in the mostly negative social space bearable.

To tell a little history, we connected virtually because of one person who goes by the name of Taylor Zakhar Perez. It's still surreal to me that one person could bring you a virtual family that you could love and appreciate with your whole heart and soul.

I have selected 12 of them that will get special notes on here, but know that I love each and every one of my TZP Squad friends very much!

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Mari (@luvhsdid)

Mari, my girl, you are one of the sweetest and most angelic people that I have ever come to meet virtually. You are a strong girl and you have such a passion for the things and people that you love and support. My dearest angel, never let anyone dim your shine. You are such a bright star and I am so grateful to Taylor for giving us the chance to interact virtually. He got you first, but he got me eventually so that's the universe's way of bringing us together. I hope that I could meet you personally in the future so that I could give you the biggest hug just to show you how much I love and appreciate you. I love you so much, my dearest sweet girl!

Bia (@alwaysbiiaa)

Bia, the closest person I could get to my love Taylor! Gosh, I still can't believe that there's someone that I can talk to who sounds like him. How lucky am I? But to be fair, anyone who has you in his/her life is lucky because you are such a sweetheart and I love and adore you so much. Keep being your authentic and crazy self, nothing wrong about that. We all need to be crazy about something or someone in this lifetime. I'm forever thankful that I have you in my life albeit virtually. I love our little conversations via replies on Twitter and to be honest, that voice message you sent me, I'll forever keep and treasure it. Sending you all my love, my dear! I hope to get to meet you eventually.

Lee (@LeonieWoolf)

Lee, the mom figure in the fandom, heavens know how thankful I am for you. The Only Natural Diamonds magazine that flew across oceans from your country to my hands is still one of my most treasured possessions to this day. I'm always thankful for the positive energy that you bring to the fandom, you are such a calming presence and I really appreciate that. Thank you for being one of the first people to accept me when I was new in the fandom months ago and I will forever be in awe of your accepting personality. Never let anyone hinder you from doing the things that you love and adore. You do you, live your life unapologetically and I'm thankful for you forever. Sending tons of love and appreciation from my heart to yours.

Josie (@jo_sie_jo_sie)

Josie, one of the people who keeps me updated about Taylor, I appreciate you. We may not interact often on Twitter, but know that I love and appreciate you. You are one of the best people who constantly keeps the fandom updated with Taylor content and I love that about you. You are also such a sweet soul and I'm glad that I got to have you as part of this fandom family. Continue being the sweetie that you are and always keep us updated about Taylor because I am one of the people who gets so excited when you post an update about him. Sending tons of love and good vibes your way, my dear!

May (@acciomei)

May, one of my first TZP followers on Twitter, I treasure you. I know these recent negative times may be hard but hey, I'm still happy to have you here. Know that I'm always here for you if you need to talk, I'm willing to listen to you. We may not interact as often as we used to now, but that is totally understandable. Know that I'll still be here when the fandom sphere is a bit more positive for you. I love and adore you so much, my dear! My world is a bit more positive because of you and I'll forever be thankful for that.

Nae (@dksnavely)

Nae, heavens know that you are one of the people I constantly talk to on Twitter. I honestly love reading your inputs and feedbacks and replies on my tweets, no matter how wholesome or unhinged they may be. I also love that you love Taylor as much as I do (I mean who doesn't at this point?!) and that passion is one of the things that I love about you. Continue to be passionate in everything that you do and please continue being the jolly and sweet soul that you are. I treasure you forever and sending all the love your way!

Charlene (@CharleneRWRB)

My Ate Charlene, one of my favorite Filo TZP moots, number one TZP and Nick in Capri trilogy stan, what could I say to you that I haven't already said? You know how much I appreciate your passion and love for Taylor. You have such a protective energy that I love and adore. You are also dedicated especially with that voting campaign that we did in the past 2 weeks. Please continue to be such a passionate and dedicated stan, I love that energy that you have. I hope to meet you one day since we live in the same country and who knows, fate might let us meet even just once. Love you lots, Ate Charlene and the angels know how thankful I am for you.

Teena (@honeybfly1929)

Ate Teena, another one of my Filo TZP fandom sisters, I love meeting you virtually and sometimes having conversations through DMs. You have such a protective and passionate energy about you and I love that so much! Amid us talking about controversy sometimes on DMs, I appreciate that you let me talk about things and open up, you has no idea how much I needed to vent during those times that we talked on DMs. Please continue being an open person whom I can talk to anytime and I hope that one day, the universe will let us meet, maybe here in Manila or in LA, who knows. Love you Ate Teena and I'm grateful for you.

Fio (@cutedimple_)

Fio, one of the people who usually makes me scream in the morning because of her slay TZP edits. I swear, that is the best of compliments I can give you. You are also such a pretty soul and you are one of my favorite people online. We only started really interacting recently but I treasure those interactions immensely. Please continue to make those edits of yours because they really do slay and I love it when I start my day opening social media and seeing your TZP edits. Continue to be your creative and pretty self and I love and appreciate you always!

Twinkle (@sunflowerrhythm)

Twinkle, one of the most talented artists in the fandom! Gosh, I could only wish to have your talent in drawing. Please continue to draw and create those amazing art of yours because the fandom loves it so much. Heck, even Taylor loves it so take that as a sign to keep creating beautiful art. I love seeing your art online. Never let anyone dim your shine and talent because that is one of the things that I love the most about you. Sending you so much love and appreciation, my dear!

Jane (@heytzppp)

Jane, one of my favorite people ever! One of the sweetest people that I have had the pleasure of meeting virtually. Gosh, you are so unhinged most of the time on Twitter but hey, your unhinged posts about Taylor is one of my most favorite things to see. At least you're unapologetic about it. Like you are a sweet soul who could post some of the thirstiest posts online, which is honestly hilarious to think about but hey, that's one thing I love the most about you. Keep being unhinged and never be sorry for it. Know that you make me giggle and smile with your unhinge-ness! I love you so much, my dear! Keep being unhinged!

Katya (@stylesempai)

Katya, one of the most awesome souls that I could ever have the pleasure of interacting with virtually. You are just one of the best people on the platform. Thank you for all the appreciation that you give to the people in the fandom. Your bits of positivity is very much needed in the ever changing negative virtual space. You are one of my favorite moots and I hope to keep interacting with you. Sending lots of love to you, my dear!

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As I wrap up this manuscript, I'm filled with gratitude for the digital sisterhood we've cultivated. To my virtual sisters, your presence in my life is more than just a connection through screens; it's a bond of understanding, support, and shared experiences. In a world where distances can feel insurmountable, you've made it feel like we're just a heartbeat away. Here's to more fandom chats and connecting over our common love for Taylor and the comforting words during tough and negative times. Thank you for being the sisters I never knew I needed but can't imagine my life without. Here's to us, and here's to many more chapters of our digital sisterhood.

Written with love and sincerity,

Clary

[missspringthyme]

March 19th, 2024

Today I woke up with just enough time to go and grab a protein drink and a pastry before catching my bus to Maastricht. Despite the fact that I seem to be continually at the grocery store, I currently have no food besides a few dry ingredients that cannot be made into a full meal. Or what do I know, maybe plain cous cous would be ideal.

The whole vibe of waking up in a rush and chugging a chocolate protein shake on a bus feels very last semester coded and I paid the price for it. By the time I got off at my stop I was feeling very sick and unhappy. I wish I didn't get car(bus?)sick so easily.

The walk was nice though, very classic early spring day. Not quite enough to completely lose the jacket, but I left it unzipped. There's lots of flowers blooming, but my favorite are the fruit trees. There's a huge one right on my walk to the uni that has flooded the entire street with pink petals, if I could I would've stopped and sat there for awhile. I should be a little more spoiled growing up with cherry blossom season coinciding with my birthday every year in Japan, but I love fruit tree blossoms no matter where I am. I always secretly feel like they're a gift for me, a marker of better times ahead. Genuinely, I think Spring is the best time to be born.

At the uni, I found my supervisor's office empty so I decided to sit in the break room and wait to be retrieved. A part of me was nervous because my tablet seems to be stuck in British time for only some things (?) One of which includes the times it reports my notifications for calender events. I was a bit paranoid that what I had assumed that the time it was telling me was correct (1 hour earlier than the normal time) and that I had incorrectly assumed it was reporting incorrectly. I fully considered going upstairs to the eeg lab to check if they were in there, but I was pretty sure we didn't have a participant today.

In the break room I checked my email for any "hey where are yous" or "we're canceling today" but I couldn't find any. Instead, I found an email from the PhD student leading the conference in Italy this summer sending me what I needed to apply for a volunteer position. I worked on that for a little bit, and I listened as some other master's students came in and started talking to eachother. Something that makes me feel kinda sad is how I haven't really made any friends in my master's. A combination of living in Aachen, not taking the electives, and sacrificing social invitations because I was overwhelmed with my workload has led to only a handful of school aquantinces. Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy with the friends I've made but I just don't feel that connected with my university. That really sucks.

I did see German Sri Lankan and got to tell her I had my phone stolen in case she had tried to text. I also finally got the information about her gynecologist that I had promised to give to German American. She offered to have us go back together, which would have been perfect except for the fact that after an hour and a half of waiting I finally found the email of my supervisor canceling our meeting. I fucking hate the outlook inbox. I don't know how you can design something that does literally the opposite of everything you'd want it to do. I'm 100% a Gmail girlie. So, I sent German Sri Lankan a message on snapchat (the only messaging I can currently use) telling her I would be leaving early and got out of there.

I was now tired, hungry, uncomfortable, and annoyed. As I walked back I grabbed my pastry to eat and discovered I had made a horrible mistake. I thought I had grabbed spinach and feta, instead it was filled with some sort of bland, creamy cheese. It did not taste good at all. How does the Aldi have a better bakery selection than the Rewe?? Some things I will never understand. I also haven't mentioned that my outfit just wasn't hitting today, so I really just didn't feel cute.

When I got back to the apartment, I collapsed face first onto the sofa. I took a little half awake nap to banish the last remains of nausea from my system, and got up just in time to catch German American and authentic australian coming back in from enjoying the lovely day outside. We all had a really nice conversation that eventually turned to a discussion around cameras. That was when German American started showing me some photos she had taken with her film camera on a trip to Singapore and I made an insane discovery.

In one of her photos, I saw someone I recognized. A boy that I had gone to daycare with in Singapore, who I had last visited in 2017. Come to find out, the town where his family lives is the town where German American was born and lived in until she was 8. They were neighbors and are still close family friends. After freaking out for a bit, we called his mom and shared the discovery. The call lasted for a long, long time. She remembered my birthday and some things that even I had forgotten about, which was a pleasent suprise. Something I found interesting was that his mom brought up how unhappy I had been around my mom the last time we visited them, and how much happier I seemed now. Which, yes, but crazy that it was noticeable enough for her to say it to me. I kept trying to figure out how she felt about my mom, it was a little hard to pin down. We ended up calling my mom too and they talked for a little bit, but still, crazy coincidence.

After all of that, I finally got to go grocery shopping. For dinner I made myself a giant pot of udon which was exactly what I needed. Then came the best part of today, authentic australian asked for a haircut.

We set him up in the hallway, and I grabbed my hair clips and hair scissors to compliment the thinning sheers authentic australian had bought for the occasion. He just wanted it to be thinned, but he said he wouldn't mind the ends being trimmed as well, so we got to work. Turns out the random trims I've given myself over the years has meant I've absorbed a lot more hair cutting techniques than I've realized. Not that it's super difficult to mess up on someone who has truly an insane amount of wavy hair.

German-american worked on one side and I the other, eventually stopping when we reached the top to make sure it stayed even. I even ended up cutting him little curtain bangs which was nerve wracking to do. After all our meticulous sectioning he still wanted more volume taken off so we just kinda hacked away at the back with thinning scissors. Finally, we had removed an acceptable amount of hair. His ends had been really dry though, so I asked him if he would let me put a conditioner in it too. We kept telling him this is what he was missing by not having any sisters.

This is where the rest of the night's insanity began.

I spritzed his hair to make it damp enough, but it was still so thick that it was taking awhile. I gave german-american the spray bottle so that she could take over on the side I wasn't standing on. This quickly snowballed into authentic australian recieving an impromptu shower. As I took photos of him holding the ball of hair we had removed from his head, she kept spraying him directly in the face. He just kept saying he couldn't be mad at her because she had been so nice to him this week (waiting at the hospital with him for 5 hours, making the quiche, cutting his hair). She took that as a go ahead to absolutely drench him.

Eventually this became her chasing him and trying to catch him off guard, but it was genuinely the funniest thing I had seen all week. Peak sibling behaviour. I also absolutely helped her do it all as well. At one point she was pushing against his door and trying to spray inside while he kept trying to shut it. A moment that is burned into my brain is when he stuck his hand out in a flat, defensive palm and she responded with a single squirt to the middle of his hand. The entire time jazz (see above) was playing in the background. Incredible night.

Authentic australian did eventually take and hide the spray bottle, but I know where it is. This is not over. Now they're both a little jumpy around each other.

[ac3id]

Puppy Girl | 18+

pairings: dabi [ touya todoroki ] x female! reader. 

summary: dabi takes his puppy whore for a walk. 

warnings: pet play, public, humiliation, dubcon, sex toys. 

wordcount: 1.8k |

navigation

It was starting to become a recurring event. He had promised you it would be a one-time thing but lately, he was pulling you to the park naked with him every other week.

 It was a simple bargain the first time. You listen to him and indulge in his deranged, lewd fantasies and he lets you live without a dog collar attached to your neck for a week. 

You were hesitant but the thought of being able to live as a decent human being with at least a small amount of respect even if it was just for a week; was tempting. 

Soon it became a currency. Months after months you’d spend your one day with him, totally humiliated and degraded just for the rest of the week to go by a little easy, and every time he would push your limits even further.

The very first time he took you outside with a leash attached to the collar around your neck was appalling. You were terrified, there was no speck of arousal within you. Dabi had guaranteed you’d find it hot, you just didn’t know before because you had never tried it. But honestly, showcasing your sexual adventures to the world was surely not your kink. It was his kink though, and you didn’t have a choice.

You and Dabi didn’t have the most organic relationship, if it weren’t for the fact that he had brought you to his home with a blindfold and zip lockers around your wrists, you could have at least tried to talk to him about this. You were just his pet. His cute, little, stupid puppy, too dumb to think for herself. No wonder you got caught by him. 

After the Hero-dominated society fell and Shigaraki took over, Dabi was quick to find you and take you away as his little captive. It made many headlines; Previously a brave Hero, now a slave to the evil Dabi.

You never read them though, he wouldn’t allow you any communication with the outside world. It was just the two of you. 

“Da-Touya please, I don’t want to go out like this,” he insisted you’d call him Touya, it was a beautiful name- his real name. It still shocked you, Dabi was the first son of Endeavour. The universe sure had its ways. 

“What’s wrong doll? You look pretty,” his slender fingers caressed your face. He was admiring your form; naked beside the pretty bondage belts wrapping your body, the nipple clamps pinching your hardened buds, the vibrator pushed deep within your cunt, vibrating at such a painfully dull pace, and the pretty tail butt plug buried deep in your asshole.

 With a pair of dog ears fitted over your head along with black thigh-highs decorating your legs, you looked perfect to him; ready to fuck, he dolled up his fucktoy beautifully.

“I don’t want to walk out like this,” you whined. He told you he was going to take his dog out of a walk earlier that day, stupid for you to expect it would be an actual dog.

“You don’t get to decide that, puppy,” he whispers, his nose touching yours his hands pet your head as you are an actual dog.

 “Just be good for me, like a good girl,” his voice drops, his tone gets deeper and serious. “Or do you want to get punished? I’ll send you to the timeout room,”

You freeze at the mention, you still remember the day as clear as yesterday. You were acting up, getting moody, and crying. Pushing him away and screaming at him, Dabi had the patience for a while, and then, later as punishment he let a nomu twice your size fuck you, destroy you. It was still fresh in your memories.

 “No, please-”

“Good girl.” he praises, kissing your lips lightly before tugging on your leash. He looks back at you one last time, watching your feet wobble as you try to walk with both your holes tightly stuffed. It was cute, he liked watching you suffer.

 His eyes roamed your figure, stopping at your thighs. He could never understand why but those stockings which you wore got him going.

 Shigaraki had suggested he should put those on you, he was reluctant at first knowing that his boss is far worse than him but in the end, he took the advice. And, God, he does not regret it. 

“C’mon cutie, walk faster.” he tugged on your leash again and you almost fell over, the vibe hitting a deep spot within you. You cry, drool escaping past your lips. “At this rate, we’ll reach the park after sunrise. Do you want everyone to see you like this?” 

It was currently 3 A.M. Too early or late for anyone to be outside their houses, it was the perfect time for Dabi to his whore out for a walk.

 “We are going to be walking?” you ask in shock, you were sure you wouldn’t be able to make till there without blacking out. “Yes, we are puppy.” he hummed and with a smirk, he pulled on your leash again. 

The walk to the park wasn’t long, barely five minutes but since you were dressed like a slut- no. Not even a whore would let a man do this to her, even a whore would have more dignity than you. You stumbled, the vibrations turning extreme as Dabi messed with the controller. 

“Keep walking,” he commanded.

 “If you fall, I'm not letting you up. You’ll have to walk on all fours like the bitch you are,” Rude remarks from Dabi were nothing uncommon, he lived to degrade you but what haunted you was the way he said them.

 He did not hide how he felt, his face displaying his exact expression. He was always smirking or smiling while talking down to you, he thought it was funny. The ever-persistent smirk still lasted on his face as he watched you try your best not to fall with the vibe fucking your cunt unforgivingly. 

You follow behind him, your thighs pressed together trying to ride out the overwhelming pleasure. Dabi hums the tune of some familiar song that you can’t figure out in your current state. 

Your clench around the butt plug, the stretch still burning in your rear. Moans and whimpers fill the silent night as you lose yourself, the air is warm. It’s summer still, everything around you is silent and dark.

“You might want to keep your voice down.” Dabi starts, his eyes scan a bench. He’s thinking of fucking you on it. Despite the countless times both of you have gone out like this, Dabi has asked for nothing more than a blowjob. But today, he is feeling brave, and besides, your moaning, whimpering, and those cuteass ears and tail have got him going. 

“What if someone sees you here like this, do you want everyone to know how much of a slut you are? Walking around naked at a park like this, do you want them to know you have no shame?” 

Instead of answering you cry. You cry while cumming, the overwhelming pressure which kept building in your abdomen finally bursting. Dabi looks back at you, disappointment was written all over his face. He watches your juices drip down your thighs as you lewdly moan. He clicks his tongue,

“Didn’t I tell you something about cumming without my permission?” He did, a long time ago. You don’t even remember, “‘m sorry,” you cry in a small voice. He glares at you, his blue eyes dancing with furious flames. 

You feel small under his stare, “That’s no good.” He growls 

In a swift motion, he pulls your leash, dragging you next to him. He pushes you on the bench, your naked body hits the slightly cooler seat making you shiver. Dabi feels his jeans tighten when he watches you fall on the bench, displaying your pretty ass to him. Your cute, little tail sticks out between your ass making him groan. 

You turn your head around to Dabi and see him staring at your ass. Taking this as your chance you quickly apologize. 

“I’m so sorry, Touya. I didn- Ah” you get cut off with a slap to your ass. “Dogs don’t talk. Bark for me,” 

Your eyes widened in shock and fear, was he serious? By the look of his face, you could tell he was joking, but there was no way you were actually going to bark for him. Another slap falls behind you shutting you up. 

“Bark.” His voice dark, filled with authority and dominance does make you feel like his little. A tingle of pleasure travels down your spine and in a weak, timid voice you start barking for him. Your cries are quiet and soft, you don’t want to be heard by anyone and the last shreds of your dignity don’t let you raise your voice any higher. 

“What’s that? Are you a puppy? Quit barking like a girl,” Dabi scoffs at his own joke. 

You feel the buzz come back, the vibration which had paused singing back to life. You squirm on the desk, the position you stayed propped against the wooden seat uncomfortable. 

Dabi picks you up and places you on his lap, his lips pressing against your neck leaving butterfly kisses and his hands wrapped around your waist he makes you sit through your second orgasm. 

“These look needy,” his finger inches towards your hardened nipples clamped between the metal. They stand stiff and ready to be played with. He rubs over the buds causing you to moan out loud. Dabi chuckles. 

“Keep barking, baby. You’re a greedy, little puppy with an even greedier, little cunt.” He chuckles in your ear before lightly biting your earlobe. 

You feel yourself reaching closer, the vibe resting tightly clenched between your velvety walls brings you towards your edge. 

“You close, baby?” he pets over your head while his hand travels down your navel. He cups your pussy, his fingers playing with your slit. 

“Woof.”

He laughs, he is not oblivious to the fact about how pathetic this makes both of you look but he 

can’t help it. 

It makes his dick hard. 

His fingers graze along your dripping cunt before settling on your stiff, little pearl. He flicks your cute clit and you cry. Your insides clenching and your mind going crazy, Dabi keeps rubbing onto your clit until you cum.

You let out a loud moan as you feel slick running down your legs. The pressure finally bursts and you see heaven. Dabi still holds you close to him, wrapping his arms around you dearly. 

“That’s the second time you’ve disobeyed me, puppy?” he rasps in your ear and you freeze. The state of ecstasy that you had found yourself in, finally fading away. You open your mouth to speak but Dabi shuts you up by shoving his fingers into your mouth. 

“You’re being a little bratty these days, it’s time we let you in ‘timeout’, right?” 

Your face pales and stomach. 

You cry for forgiveness hoping Dabi would reconsider but we all know, he doesn’t give second chances. 

[floresmarique]

THREAD: THE COBRA KAI BOYS AS BOYFRIENDS (SPICY STUFF INCLUDED)

Johnny;

You met him in a bar and he offered you a drink

Ended up having sex on the same night because the sexual tension was too much

He asked for your number the next day

"Would you like to do that again?"

You ended up dating

A G E G A P

When you found out he was teaching in a dojo, you wanted to join in but he snapped

"You are gonna be a distraction for me, babe"

Showed up anyway the next day at the dojo just for the sake of making him mad

He kept your relationship as a secret to his students

A N G R Y S E X I N H I S O F F I C E A T N I G H T

He likes to snuggle you before sleeping because he wants to feel you next to him

He's a soft bby when he's sleepy

He likes to see you wear his clothes

He made you wear his large black gi and laughed his ass off

He ✨railed you✨ right after that

Your arguments are mostly about him wanting to beat up someone and you trying to make him think about that

Sometimes you both have the same ideas and an apocalypse happens

He is ✨possessive✨

Likes to call you with pet names such as; babygirl, babe and, when's he's being really soft, also angel

Secretly dreams about your wedding and family

"I'd like our son to have your eyes, my hair colour and my physiognomy. He's gonna be a fucking badass."

When he's feeling good, he wakes you up in the morning with a breakfast he made himself

Most of the times the pancakes are burned but you still eat them to make him happy

He likes rough sex or to passionately make love to you

Has a kink for choking-

Likes when you get dominant

Sometimes he needs reassurance in the most inappropriate moments

"Babe, do you still love me?"

"Yes Johnny, i love you but we are at a funeral-"

He snores a lot and you have to slap his face in the middle of the night to make him stop

You have a kink for him with a beard

"Don't shave it- fuck me in that before"

He likes it when you call him "Sensei"

Your relationship is basically a comedy but you love each other to the core

Daniel;

You met him at the end of the 80s at the University

He spilled coffee on you by mistake and started to stutter

You chuckled and saw that he was an hottie so you didn't get mad

He tried to wipe the coffe away from you shirt with his jacket but made the situation worse

Accidentally touched your boobies and died inside

You both crushed on each other and started to hang out together

NEVER SEPARATED AFTER

He asked you to marry him after 3 years of relationship-

You obviously said yes

His mother showed you embarassing pics of him when he was younger

Daniel watched everything from afar with a 'i really want to sink into the floor and enter another dimension' glance

Your first time was sweet and intense

You then discovered that he was ✨KiNkY✨

You were sHoCkEd when you realized he had a daddy and choking kink

He likes lingerie on you

You know shit is about to go down when he returns home from work and stays silent till he gets close to you

"You were on my mind all day, love"

HE LIKES TO CALL YOU DIRTY NAMES TOO-

You like to spy on him while he is practicing his Karate skills

You literally begged for him to train you

He eventually tried to train you but you always ended up kissing and ✨fucking✨

Your arguments are about you getting mad at him because he forgets important things and him getting mad at you because you don't forgive him quickly

You give him the silent treatment when you're mad

He teases you till you start laughing and showers you with material gifts

"I'm sorry honey, can you please forgive me now?"

He doesn't snore when he sleeps but moves so much to the point of accidentally pushing you out of the bed

When you fall asleep while cuddling, he will stay in that position all night

Likes to see you with his button up shirts

He's the most romantic bby in the world

Your relationship is so good that is envied by many people-

Miguel;

You met him in a grocery store

While waiting in the line, he 'accidentally' bumped into you

"I like those cereals too!"

You started talking so much that when it was your turn, the cashier had to call you three times YELLING

He asked for your number out of the grocery store and immediately texted you when you turned your back to him to walk away

He made silly jokes just to make you laugh

When he saw you at school, you waved at him but he runned away while his two friends stood there confused

"Sorry, i wasn't mentally prepared to see you there, like that, it's a lot of pressure-"

You thought that it was pretty cute that he felt embarassed so you brushed it off

After two months he finally asked you to go on a date with him at the Arcade

Your first kiss was goofy and you bursted out laughing in his face

He then cupped your cheeks and gave you a vEry intense kiss

You were officially together after that

When you first visited his house, his grandma offered you a joint that you refused but it made you support her to the maximum-

Carmen treated you as you were already his wife-

When you first mentioned the word 'sex' to him, he started to sweat

You then realized he was an horny boy because whenever you touched him even just to caress him, he had an erection-

You both were unexperienced virgins

When you first gave him a blowjob he literally screamed

Your first time was slow and romantic

"Is this okay? Does it hurt?" Every five seconds

He felt a man after losing his v-card

He ALWAYS holds hands with you, even at school

After seeing you at the tournament to support him, he sent you a wink that made you squeal-

He celebreated the victory of the tournament with a party in your panties- (if u know what i mean)

He likes to send you sweet texts while you're sleeping so that you can read them the next morning and wake up with a smile

Arguments???? What are those????

He never wants to fight with you because he's too scared to lose you

He will let you know if something is bothering him anyway

He is a softie, what do you expect?

Tells you that he loves you at least 3 times a day

Relationship goals

Hawk;

He had a crush on you before becoming Hawk

Was literally too scared of rejection to ask you out but found the courage after he completely changed his whole vibe

You said yes, obviously

You went went out to eat and then had a walk while he rested his arm around your shoulder

Your first kiss was a full make out session-

He also grabbed your ass and you didn't mind-

When you told him that you liked him even before, he didn't believe you

He liked to act like a badass infront of the others but was completely vulnerable with you

He once cried while talking to you about his past and fell asleep in your arms right after

You liked to help him style his hair and you were also the one that dyed them everytime

Your first time with him happened during a make out session

He didn't use protection and you got mad at him for that

"Babeeee c'mon, i pulled out! the worst that can happen is a little Hawk, nothing bad about it"

He dies of jealousy everytime someones looks at you but acts like he doesn't care

You know he cares and you tease him about it-

Which leads to a very intense fuck-

His mother loves you SO MUCH

Literally so much that sometimes he jokes about it

"I think you love her more than you love me???"

You had just one serious argument and it was about you getting mad at him for how he treated his old friend acting like a bully

He told you to ✨fuck off✨

At 3:00 am he was knocking at your door crying desperately

"I'm sorry, please, i'm sorry"

You tried to act tough but when you saw him you started to cry too

He understood what you meant and listened to you

Your relationship has up and downs but your love is strong so you overcome every difficulty together

Demetri;

You met him in the Science Lab

"You know, i think that what you're doing is wrong and i know how to make it right"

Little did you know that he would have used the same mechanism with your heart too-

He wasn't the type that crushed over girls but when he saw you, not even his smart mind knew what was happening to him

He narrowed his eyes at you when you wanted to sit next to him at lunch

"Well if you want to get bullied then, you can sit here i guess"

He was too awkward to ask you out so he sent Miguel to talk to you-

The situation made you laugh so you accepted

Your first date was at your house because he told you he didn't like crowded places

You watched 'Tron:Legacy' and you loved to see how excited he got during the movie

You made the first move and kissed him

"Why did you do that?"

He stood up right after and headed to the bathroom

You heard him talk alone while you regretted your life decisions

After 20 minutes he returned in your room and kissed you before you could speak

People couldn't believe he was dating someone at first

He liked to show you off because he thought you were the prettiest girl he ever met

He still had troubles telling you everything

He got a ✨boner✨ everytime you hugged him

You never had the sex talk, it just happened

"Why are you on your knees- oh"

Having sexual experiences boosted his confidence

It really made him less of a smartass but also very paranoid

"What if you're pregnant now?"

"I swallowed, i can't get pregnant like this! I thought you were smarter than that."

Your first time was kinda awkward and short but you weren't surprised about it

As time went by, he started to get more comfortable with his sexuality and became a very gentle and passionate lover

He had his whole future with you all planned out

He loves to call you "Honey"

Your arguments are mostly about movies or books you both like

He takes them seriously tho and you kinda like to see him full of rage

"Just accept it, i'm right and you are wrong. I still love you anyway, honey"

It took him some time before he started to feel comfortable with cuddles

He doesn't like P.D.A because he prefers to have you all to himself without anyone watching

He likes to hold hands with you anyway

Your relationship is strong and everyone thinks you were both made for each other

Robby;

You first saw him at the tournament

You were in the Cobra Kai dojo-

You both shared som glances and at the end of the tournament you congratulated with him even tho he lost

He acted a little bit cold and just nodded

The day after he called his father just to ask about you-

Johnny knew what was up and helped him, combining the both of you

You are the main reason why Johnny and Robby got closer

When you found out your Sensei was his father, you understood why Robby was so hot-

Your first date was pretty chill and it was at the cinema

You both knew each other better, whispering in the middle of the movie

He was a flirt ALL THE TIME

But also a sweet bby

Your first kiss happened at the end of the night infront of your house

He went from "angel baby boy" to "your daughter calls me daddy too" very quickly

Johnny acted like it wasn't a big deal but asked about you two at least 2 times a week after training

Robby couldn't keep his hands to himself whenever you were around

You snogged EVERYWHERE when you had the opportunity

He invited you multiple times at his house since his mother was never around

You let him vent about his relationship with his parents and listen to him

Your first time happened on his couch

It started with you simply cuddling while watching a movie and then an heated make out session happened

It was slow and passionate with him whispering to you how much he loved you

When he told you he was a virgin before you and always lied, you didn't believe him

He is a sucker for P.D.A

You are both two jealous bastards and your arguments are mostly about jealousy

You were jealous of Sam and a big argument started because of that

He reassured you, telling you that he only had eyes for you

He secretly is a bottom most of the time-

But when he takes control, he will ✨rail you✨

He's proud of you and loves to show you off

He LOVES cuddles so much and can't sleep if he doesn't feel your fingertips in his hair-

Your meeting with his mother was awkward since she was with another man-

He is ✨protective✨ and will never let you get hurt

Loves to see you blush while he tells you sweet things

Got mad when you told him that you thought Johnny was hot

"He is my father!"

"Yeah and you both have the same DNA, so both hot-"

Gave you the silent treatment after but lost it when he found you with only one of his shirts on the bed-

He always has new ideas whenever you two hang out together

"We should go climbing-"

He is so romantic, like DAMN-

"I'm a gentleman in the streets and a beast in the sheets"

Calls you "babygirl" everytime

Your relationship is long lasting and never boring

Aaaaa this is my second thread lmao, hope you liked it- ♡

[the-fab-fox]

#can't draw him fr <- wrong op. That's definitely my husbando malleus right there. Clear as day. So I respectfully disagree that you can't draw him. Because he's right here and looking glorious. As he should.

10000000000000000000000/10 Malleus Draconia, my friend. And I'm positive my Twst moots and followers will agree.

Thank you so much for blessing my dash with him. Sending you epic über vibes for the rest of this year and the next and setting the intention that the universe gives you everything you need to thrive in this life. Asking my patron gods to help these intentions to manifest. So mote it be! 💖🙏💖🙏💖🙏

king of briarland.

[hollowedwing]

Isekai-ed into Hawk's Life

Hawks x gn!winged!Reader

Warnings: ⚠️ Death!(at very beginning, it is an isekai), mentions of death throughout, some angst(??maybe not yet??), slight cursing

THIS WILL NOT FOLLOW A SPECIFIC TIMELINE IN THE MANGA

(so sorry i just, love, love, the idea of having wings)

(this is all my art, it is on IG, im just too embarrassed for people who know me irl to potentially find this xD Even though none of them have tumblr 👀 if you somehow recognize it...props to you?)

_________________________________

tbh, I can’t decide if I want this to have more than 1 part. 

Word count: ~1,800

_________________________________

You were on your way home from a long evening at your part time job. Before that you had already taken 2 finals that morning too.

You dragged your feet, exhausted, as you headed towards the crosswalk. Stopping at the edge as the traffic light turned green, you decided to pull out your phone and decided to watch a speed paint from your favorite artist who recently released a new video.

It just so happened it was a Hawks speed paint 👀

The light turned red and you slipped your phone into your pocket as your started to make your way across the street

little did you know this would be the last time you'd cross the street

A wild driver came barreling down the road, no regards for civilians or traffic lights, probably drunk or high or just someone out for blood.

You stood there like a deer caught in headlights as your life flashes before your eyes

You can barely comprehend what's happening as you felt pain engulf your body and suddenly you were unconscious

________________________________________

Keigo tiredly stumbled into his large apartment, kicking off his shoes and shrugging his jacket off by the door

He wants nothing more than to just flop down and pass out. The HPSC has been giving him hell lately about god knows what.

He let out a long sigh and headed towards the bathroom to do his nightly routine

As he finishes up, he drags his feet towards his bed and flops down face first into the comfort of his pillow and sheets

Keigo falls asleep almost instantly after getting into a comfortable position, worn out from a long day of work

What he wasn't expecting was a loud "thud!" coming from the main room. He jolts up from his bed, feathers ready to attack.

*******

Reader's pov(?)

*******

You groaned as you hit the floor. Your head was spinning and it feels like a truck just hit you

oh wait...

You suddenly became more alert, looking around in a panic, expecting to either be on the road and injured or in a hospital of sorts. What you didn't expect was a wooden floor inside of a random apartment.

You felt around your body for any signs of injury, but all you found were a set of wings on your back- wings?? Hold up. Why did you feel wings what kind of sick joke was this?

Your thoughts were racing as your breathing picked up. What was happening? Didn't you just get hit by a vehicle? Why are there wings in your back? Where are you even?

Feeling around in your pockets, you found your phone and whipped it out, trying for anything. You turned it on, the harsh light of it illuminating your face, you tried to send a text to your best friend, but alas, it wouldn't go through. Actually nothing on your phone seemed to work. You checked your location settings, for some reason it said Musutafu, Japan.

Wasn't....Wasn't that the location that most of Boku no Hero Academia took place?? This can't be right, this has to be a dream right? There's no way that you could have actually ended up here unless...

Then it hit you.

You read your fair share of isekai series back when you were alive in your realm. Mostly manhwas of characters getting reborn into another person's body, but, never actually reincarnating as yourself into another world.

That was the only thing you could think of. You must have been reincarnated into the Boku no Hero Academia world. Except as yourself.

In all honesty, this is not how you thought you'd go out. You didn't know what to expect after death, but this definitely wasn't it. After all, this was a fictional setting, wasn't it?

Well, not anymore because now you're living in it! Smh.

That would also probably explain the wings on your back. This was you now. You have a bird quirk.

Now, all you have to do, is figure out where the heck you are.

Just as you are about to stand up, feathers zip towards you, pinning you to the ground

You hear footsteps begin to come towards you. You don't know if you should be scared for your life considering you've already died once or ecstatic because, you knew for a fact, this could be none other than Hawks' apartment.

The winged hero finally emerges and stares down at you, crossing his arms over his chest.

He says in a low, gravely voice from sleep, "Who are you, and how did you get into my home?" You stare back up at him and nervously chuckle.

"I'm not sure you'd believe me if I told you." You nervously sigh out.

"Try me." He demands, sounding a little more irritated now. You sigh in defeat and start to explain your situation.

"Do...do you know what an isekai is?" You said sheepishly while turning your gaze away from his. He kind of gave you a confused head tilt and just a vibe that said “No”. You sigh again and explain it to the best of your ability. Hawks becomes more and more interested and confused as you talk, but nods a long slowly. 

“So...you were reborn here, but as yourself? Wait- does that mean you died before!?” He asked, disbelief and fear ran through his eyes. You looked at him in bitter amusement.

“Apparently I did. The last thing I remember of my world was getting hit by some truck or car. The dude clearly did not know how to drive. I had the right of way I was pretty sure at least. I mean, the light was red, usually that means pedestrians can cross the street? And plus he was going wayyy over the speed limit,” you begin to ramble on, the reality of actually dying setting into you. Hawks noticed the panic beginning to set into you and released you from his feathers. He crouched down next to you and grabbed your shoulders gently.

"Hey, hey, hey, look at me, you're ok now, right? You're here, and not dying in the middle of the street still. You're here. In Musutafu," he said trying to calm you back to reality. Well, what was your new reality. Your mind was racing. Trying to put together a coherent thought. 

You look up to him, with a panicked look still in your eyes, thoughts started to come out of your mouth as your brain was trying to catch up with the situation. "I'm... I'm in Boku no Hero Academia and, and you’re Keigo... standing... right in front of me..I have wings. I have wings? Jeezus I have fucking wings. And I’m dead in my own world. I don’t know anyone, well, wait, technically, I do know people, just-Oh gods! I’m so sorry, that name slipped out! I- I, I’m really sorry Hawks." Even in your wild state, you noticed Hawks tense up at the sound of being called Keigo by a total stranger, and were able to get out an apology. That was progress? You were slowly coming back to reality.

Hawks froze up a bit at the sound of hearing his real name mentioned. At first he wasn't sure if he believed your tale of the isekai situation, but after this he might have to reconsider it. He opted to shake off that weird feeling for now and focus on different matters. 

" I-I don't know what I'm supposed to do now? I have nowhere to go or to stay. I'm in a whole different freaking universe! My phone doesn't even hardly work here. And I have a pair of wings on my back!" You puffed them out angrily. Hawks glanced behind you and his eyes widened a little. You in fact, did have a set of bird wings. Kind of owl like wings. Not near as big as Hawks', but definitely big enough to fly you around.

Before Hawks could process the words coming out of his mouth, he was already asking you, "Would you maybe like to stay with me? I can help with your quirk too." He glanced away awkwardly. You looked towards him in disbelief.

"Dude, are you sure? We literally just met like 10 minutes ago? I mean, I'm all for it, I have nowhere else to turn to, but if you really really don't want me here, I will politely step out of your life." You so badly wanted to accept his offer on the spot, but being the considerate, mostly sensible human you were, you gave him the option to back out. Hawks shook his head.

"No, no, it's alright. You can crash here. Uh- I mean- stay here! Sorry!" You giggled at his comment.

"Well thank you very much!"

"It's all good. I have a spare bedroom you can occupy for the time being. I'll give you some clothes to sleep in that'll hopefully fit. Accidentally bought a couple things in the wrong size without looking. " (a/n: just...just assume its your size, or oversized, whatever's comfy idk) He jumped up and headed towards his room to grab you the clothes. You still sat on the floor. Still amazed at everything that was occurring.

Hawks walked back into the room and tossed you the clothes. "Hey uh, you know, you can get up now, sorry for holding you down earlier.."

You blushed and scrambled to stand up, "Oh no! It's ok! I understand. This would definitely warrant that kind of action. Some random stranger crashes into your apartment at like 1am. I completely understand. Honest."

He let out a small laugh and wearily brushed his fingers through his hair. The adrenaline of everything finally wearing off. He could feel the tiredness setting into his aching muscles again. “Ah, well, I’m going to head to bed now. The room is down the hall at the very end that you can stay in. I’ll take you out training tomorrow evening if that’s alright?”

You gave a nod of understanding and followed him down the hallway. “Goodnight Hawks,” you sang as he walked into his bedroom. He gave a hum of acknowledgment and closed his door. 

Making it into what was now your room, you changed out of your clothes so fast, eager to rid yourself of the past hours events. 

Not gonna lie, you could not figure out how to properly get your new wings into the shirt, even with the holes and snaps in the back. Your mind was too exhausted to even process this new skill. So you ended up going to bed without the shirt on and just settled for putting the sweatpants on. 

You figured it’d be good to just pass out asap. You were sure if you tried to recount the recent events, you’d spiral into a panicked mess. 

You shut your eyes tightly, willing yourself to sleep, trying to only think of positive outcomes for the future. But to be honest, you didn’t know enough about anything in this realm to think rationally about anything good. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I prooobably didn’t proofread this as much as I should have

[tethrarisms]

Unpopular opinion ahead:

My problem with "selfcest" these days is not even the fact that this is problematic or not (I can't even answer that to be honest, cause it's something that only exists in fiction so it doesn’t seem harmful, it's just not my cup of tea but not pointing fingers at all here).

My problem is the narrative that selfcest brings in the disguise of self-love, as in, it's something that you should be pursuing on the outside of yourself, and worst of all, in a romantic sense, and not something that comes from the inside in a non-hedonistic way.

THIS is the harmful part because self-love and acceptance demand such a huge mental exercise, especially for people who struggle with self-esteem and self-loathing (myself included). Of course, it's easier for me to love ANYBODY else than myself. I don't have to go through the pain and self-reflection, the struggle of looking within and not avert my eyes because I hate what I'm seeing.

That's what tickles me in all wrong places when they use this narrative to justify self-love. It's lazy af and it does send the wrong message.

Positive self-love arc I can think of right away: Steven Universe. When the Stevens hug one another, that is not selfcest. It's a symbol that Steven is healing and embracing himself, accepting what he is and forgiving himself for all the pain and hatred he endured.

Since the multiverse is in on mainstream media, it's just inevitable that we're exposed to more and more of this trope. But it really pains me to see that they paint selfcest as self-love when it's not. Variants are not the same because beings are product of biology, psychology and environment. It's just bonkers to assume different versions of a character can be described as the same, justifying self-love.

Again. It's okay, I suppose, as long as it's not sold as self-love. It's justifiable if the characters are portrayed as hedonistic. But the message needs to be clear, and not portrayed as fluffy cause these characters are not growing. They're merely avoiding development and self-improvement. The only "self" thing in a selfcest is the fact that the characters share the "same version" of existence. They're not improving on the inside. On the contrary, they're just avoiding the hard work and getting romantic vibes when self-love is definitely not the romantic kind.

Self-love is a very different type of love, and most often, the hardest to get.

[wumblr]

i think it's conspicuously funny that researcher at Big Number Company thinks arbitrary presence of kind-of-big number in experimental physics computer benchmarking must necessarily validate the physical realism of a model well outside the regime of the research. "maldacena duality means the universe must be holographic simply because the math is self consistent" vibes. are we gonna make this same analytical error over and over forever it's so boring and insubstantial

i think citing david deutsch as the progenitor of this idea when he was like a century late to the game is a strong indicator he has no fucking clue what he's talking about

multiverse cosmology belongs to a category of models that are not wrong in the sense that they're disprovable, but useless in the sense that they aren't. whether it's true or not, it definitionally has no impact on observable experimental results, and thus cannot advance the field of physics

aside from being useless, the worldview it suggests is uniquely dismal. there's a somewhat mid sci fi short story on this topic that haunts me and i can never remember what it is, but a hardboiled detective is investigating a spate of suicides and he comes to realize that technological advancement responsible for an ability to navigate parallel universes has caused it, because facing the reality that you're stuck with the life you've got, where all of its positive attributes come at the cost of being taken from another version of you, and all of its have-nots were taken by another parallel version of you... is psychologically damaging no matter which way you cut it, regardless of whether you're successful or destitute, or whether you take any action to improve your circumstances by crossing over to another parallel world

but yeah it's like never surprising that computer scientists will say this. i mean look at stephen wolfram. whether he's right or not it doesn't it make it any less presumptuous. you could also say that about my impossibly stringent crankery but like i'm not sending out a press release about my tumblr posts

do we wanna talk about the google quantum computing researcher who said their work "lends credence to the idea of multiverse cosmology" or shall i just run screaming into the woods again

[mirrinbelde-shitposts]

Hello!!!! I'm here to participate on your game!!! And, I think you're an Aquarius Mercury just like me!! Thank you and take care 😘

My chart:

Hey!! I'm not an Aquarius Mercury :( but I do have lots of Aquarius in my chart ^^ Have a nice day!

Welcome to your reading. Please remember to send feedback.

First impressions when looking at your chart: it's almost a bowl shape, meaning that there's approximately 180ª with planets and the other 180º are devoid of planets

SUN IN AQUARIUS

As an Aquarius, you are quirky, aloof, dreamy and humanist. People may think you’re awkward and detached, which is probably true for you since your Sun is at 0º of Aquarius. Your originality and uniqueness are probably the things you love about yourself the most. Your mind is also quite agile, which allows you to fulfil your dreams. Nevertheless, we cannot ignore the fact that the Sun is in Detriment in the sign of Aquarius. This means that the Sun can struggle here, making you feel confused as to who you are and how you can express yourself. You very much value your independence and your rebelliousness. However, you can be stubborn to a fault when it comes to your thoughts and opinions.

SUN IN THE 8TH HOUSE

This is the house of Scorpio. With the Sun here, you may appear a bit Scorpionic, namely, you can embody that more powerful, secretive, intense vibes very associated with this sign. Whilst Leo is about yourself, Scorpio relates to your connection with others. By bonding with other people, and experiencing their emotions, you can further discover your own identity. Scorpio is known for its intensity, so you probably have a big need to know everything about those closest to you, but that’s not an issue, because people seem to want to disclose to you. Additionally, the 8th house rules other people’s money and inheritances, so you may be in charge of others’ monetary resources. You may even get a career in this area. Lastly, this house rules everything secret and occult, so there’s a big chance that you’ll learn more about yourself by delving into the mystic arts (such as astrology, for example).

PISCES MOON

With this placement, you acquire intuition, empathy and emotional intelligence. You are a caring person who seeks to help others comprehend and verbalize emotions, which contrasts heavily with Aquarius but flows well with the 8H influence. I'd say that you're the type of person that everyone goes to for advice. However, you should take care not to spend a lot of time being the “therapist friend”, for your high sensitivity can cause you to get overwhelmed by others’ negative energies. You probably need your alone time in order to recharge your batteries. You can be quite emotional and you're often with your head “in the clouds”. Ethereal is a good word to describe personal Pisces placements. On the other hand, if not developed, you can be manipulative, insecure and lie a lot, especially with the 8th house.

MOON IN THE 8TH HOUSE

This placement very much goes strengthens your interest in the occult and secret. It is a karmic position for the Moon; perhaps you have a very strong relationship with your mother. Additionally, it ties in well with Pisces' emotional abilities. You seek someone with whom you can form a deep emotional bond, someone with whom you can be vulnerable and share your secrets. It is also a good position for therapists because it allows you to connect well with people’s feelings and needs. Nevertheless, as I mentioned before, this can give you emotional control over people, which can lead to you manipulating them, even if you don't mean to do so. This can be especially true because your moon is not harmoniously aspected (conjunct Saturn, square Jupiter and Pluto). You can also benefit a lot from an inheritance, especially from your mother.

AQUARIUS MERCURY

This placement, even more so than your Aquarius Sun, brings you idealism and originality, as well as ideas that have the power to change society and the world. You are a free spirit and independence is definitely something very important to you. Your mind is all about being innovative and creative so you can make the world a better place. Your ideas may not always be viewed positively by others but you don't let that discourage you. People may also think you're a little off and detached but you just keep on doing your own thing, which is admirable. You may truly be ahead of your time, especially since your Mercury is in retrograde, which means that your ideas may be much more accepted after you communicate them. You have an agile mind and a good grasp of many different subjects, so people may enjoy speaking to you and learning your take on various fields of knowledge.

MERCURY IN THE 8TH HOUSE

The house of Scorpio. With Mercury here, your gain intuitiveness and inquisitiveness. To me, it is the Detective placement. It’s easy for you to understand what someone else is thinking because you have a knack for this kind of thing; telepathic, almost. You have a big interest in anything that has to do with the hidden and the human mind. Psychology would also be a good career. I’d say you think and listen much more than you think because, in your head, you’re connecting all the dots. There can be some fear in you, perhaps because of negative experiences in past lives. Due to this, you prefer to keep your thoughts and feelings to yourself. Also, it is said that this placement can cause misunderstandings in contracts, especially regarding inheritances.

SAGITTARIUS VENUS

This Venus sign is independent and adventurous; it seeks someone with which to have fun and deep, philosophical conversations. You highly value morals and honesty, which is not strange, given that these things are ruled by Jupiter, hence associated with Sagittarius. Feelings are also very important to you. You may appear too detached and aloof, but that's not how you truly feel. Also, you can be viewed as flight and non-committal, but that is not true; you may simply take your time to actually understand whether or not to begin a relationship. Nevertheless, relationships may not be a concern of yours because of your need for independence. You very much enjoy travelling and acquiring knowledge to broaden your horizons. You may also date foreigners or have an interest in them.

VENUS IN THE 6TH HOUSE

Here, Venus gives great importance to things associated with Virgo: routine, health, job. It is important for you to have your routine and to plan things. Once you acquire a habit, it is difficult to let go of it (“Old habits die hard.”). Similarly, it is important that you incorporate activities with your partner in your daily schedule. Funnily enough, it is routine that makes you miss things you no longer have: for example, if you lose a friend, you may miss them more because you used to talk every day. You enjoy working on projects that make you feel like you’re doing something meaningful; your chosen profession must fulfil you. You want a harmonious workplace that makes you feel happy to work. Also, you have an eye for detail. There can be a need to obsess about your health, as well as your loved ones’.

MARS IN LEO

The red planet does well here. Leo wants to achieve great things in life and Mars gives it that determination and willpower needed to succeed. You probably do what you want and often act to stand out. This is a very bold, direct placement. What you want, you most likely get. You’re passionate about the things you love, which is admirable. You seek recognition and fame. You can be very proud and get angry easily, but it also goes away quickly. You are very brave, for sure, and fierce. Losing is not an option for you. You like to be in the spotlight and at the top. Admitting when you’re wrong can be quite difficult for you due to the aforementioned pride. Nevertheless, you’re warm, creative, romantic and probably good around children.

MARS IN THE 2ND HOUSE

Here, Mars is tied in with the themes of Taurus. Since Taurus is a fixed sign, I’d say that you are very good at getting what you want because you are quite determined and perseverant. You may have a strong will to acquire material things that bring you comfort and security. In that sense, you may wish to have a high-paying job that allows you to buy the things that allow you to have that comfortable lifestyle. However, you may spend your money too generously, so beware of that. You are brave and dynamic, qualities that help you to achieve what you want.

SAGITTARIUS JUPITER

Jupiter is in its rulership here. With this placement, your interest in the "accursed questions", that is, everything to do with our connection with the universe, is greatly expanded. Mundane life can seem quite trivial to you; your desire is to understand the bigger things. Like I mentioned in the Sagittarius Venus section, you have a deep desire to travel, to connect to other cultures, to experience different things than what you're used to, to expand your knowledge. In addition to this, you want to share what you know with others, sometimes without prompt, which may cause others to perceive you as a "know-it-all". Jupiter is also connected to intuition, so, if you learn to trust and rely on yours, you may achieve enlightenment.

JUPITER IN THE 6TH HOUSE

This placement may seem, at first, difficult, because this is the house of Virgo, in which sign Jupiter has its Detriment. Whilst Jupiter is all about the higher mysteries, philosophy and the bigger picture, Virgo prefers hard work, concrete aspects and attention to detail. You should seek to find meaning in life through your job, as well as acts of service. Also, this placement may manifest in more ways than one: you may be able to take on the Virgo traits by achieving focus in one thing, or, on the opposite, you can move from one thing to the next, in a bid to help everyone and achieve everything. Jupiter here needs to find a middle ground between the mundane and the mystical.

PISCES SATURN

This is, in my humble opinion, a contradictory placement. Pisces is known for being the sign of illusions, dreams, fantasies. Saturn, on the other hand, is the planet of blockages, traumas, karma. Pisces does not want to directly deal with the problems, whilst Saturn wants precisely the opposite. This can result in deep fears from you, perhaps regarding your individual conscience. You may be afraid to delve deep, to explore the limits of your mind and also to share these with others. Feelings are very important to you, but these have a tendency to be more negative and elusive. A coping mechanism may be to detach, to ignore, to evade. You deal with problems by not dealing with them. You will grow, but only when you accept your struggles and face them head-on.

SATURN IN THE 9TH HOUSE

You could have been brought up in a traditional, conservative religious community. This may manifest as you having clear opinions on what is right and what is wrong. Perhaps you have a lack of faith, or you’re merely sceptical of religion. This placement balances all the others in this house: with Saturn here, you might hold back all the desire to learn, to get out there and explore your beliefs. In a past life, you may have held all the answers, but in this life, you may not want anything to do with the higher mysteries. Nevertheless, I would say that this placement may not be that strong, given that all the other planets in your 9th house want you to learn and explore. ⬛️

[positivelypositive]

It's a pleasure to find your blog. I have so man questions but little answer about things. I currently went through some admission exams and I couldn't get into any governmental universities for a miniscule mark. It's petty and all but, my parents and others they aren't taking it that leniently. I can get myself in a private medical college and do my best there but....they aren't supporting the notion. Does this failure make me incompetent? Am I not suitable for being a doctor? Does this signify that I can do nothing? Does this mean that my dream of serving has always been a hallucination? If my mother was supportive of me during this depressed state I'm going through now then maybe I wouldn't have reached out to online people for a helping hand. I'm in grave need of assurance and maybe some hope? Am I really that dunce people are telling me now? Am I just here for them or myself? Should I just start looking for jobs or should I pursue what I desire?

hey anon,

so that you know that i know what i am talking about, i want to tell you that i have a niece who too is trying to get into a govt medical university and gave an entrance exam this year but couldn't get in.

she studied hard, took all her parents' advice and gave it her all. it didn't work out for her this time. does that mean she is stupid?

she isn't. she knows it and her parents know it too. it's a matter of what works out for you at a certain stage of life and what doesn't. there's so many factors at play. you can't let this one event define who you are.

i understand your parents aren't being very supportive. many of the people who drop by my ask box face this issue. i'm not saying that parents are right in doing so but sometimes they just don't know any other way to make it known that they think you're capable of more. don't get me wrong. i am not defending their behaviour. i just think that's how they think it'll work. they could try to understand you more and behave better but that may take some time and honest conversations at both ends but till then, you need to not take it personally.

anon, i am simply telling you that you need to keep working towards it. you have a goal in mind. make sure to dedicate your everything to it. give it your all. work hard, take care of yourself and know that you have it in you! you are capable and strong. you are wise, kind and beautiful! you can do it! sending you courage and positive vibes ✨

[makeste]

I was originally going to send this message declaring my undying love for your metas and chapter reviews aND THEN - AND THEN MAKESTE - I READ THE ANSWER WHERE YOU SAID YOU WERE ARO AND THAT MAKES ME SOOOOO HAPPY. I'm aroace and it is SO FRUSTRATING to want to consume platonic or familial interaction between people and CONSTANTLY only get romantic or sexual. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EVERYTHING YOU CONTRIBUTE

woooo up top! solidarity lol.

for me it’s like... I don’t know if “frustrating” is the word I would use, but I do wish there was more gen out there. and that’s also something I’ve felt awkward about wanting in the past, because my early fandom years took place in a time where slash was much less of an everyday commonplace thing than it is now, and liking it was still a fairly controversial thing. the internet was a much more openly homophobic place than it is now. like, picture the purity police of modern day tumblr, but if they attacked any kind of non-heterosexual relationship as being sick and perverted and wrong. that was pretty much the general vibe. this was before AO3, and people who wrote slash often didn’t post it on ff.net and only posted it to their own private blogs and/or locked and moderated communities instead just so they wouldn’t be harassed. and there was absolutely no canon representation out there at all, or next to none. it was very much a “[rolls eyes] oh the yaoi fangirls are at it again” sort of thing where non-cishet relationships in fiction and fanfiction were at best not taken seriously at all, and at worst were treated with outright scorn and disgust.

and so like, with this being a common attitude at the time, I felt guilty for not always wanting to read slash myself. like, I don’t mind reading about romantic relationships at all, but for me there also has to be some other kind of element in play as well, or else it’s just not going to click for me. if a fic is just romance, just a lot of pining and slow burn stuff without anything else really going on in the plot, I just get bored and disinterested. I almost want to use the word tired, even though I’m not sure that makes much sense. I just can’t connect to the emotions, and so I disengage pretty quickly. and so I tend to steer clear of time-honored fandom staples like coffee shop AUs or And They Were Roommates, just because for me there’s rarely anything there for me to latch onto. I like angst, but I can’t relate to “so and so doesn’t feel the same way about me”, or “I want to be with them so bad but I don’t know how to confess”, or “they’re with someone else and it hurts like crazy every time I see them and know we can’t be together”, because none of those are emotions that I have ever personally felt, and I just can’t make myself feel them. what I can relate to are things like “this person makes me feel safe”, or “I feel a strong connection to this person”, or “I trust this person more than anyone else” because those feelings aren’t exclusively romantic in nature. I can relate to closeness and caring and love and affection and trust, but what I can’t relate to is the feeling of having a single person occupy all of your thoughts all the time, and very badly wanting to be the most important thing in their life as well, and feeling incomplete otherwise.

but anyway I spiraled away from the point I was trying to get to, which is that for a long time I actually felt guilty about feeling this way. because even though it’s rare to find fanworks where gen/platonic relationships are at the center, actual canon is chock full of said relationships. and so it’s like, what right do I even have to complain when I get to read all the time about so and so being friends, but the people who actually want them to be in a relationship in the actual canon so rarely get to see that actually happen. because that much has not changed in the past 20 years, even though society has become far more accepting of LGBTQ+ relationships. most canons are still far more likely to tease a non-hetero ship -- on purpose, even, hence why queerbaiting is a thing -- than actually commit to it. and so I often feel like I have no right to voice my desire for more genfic, because genfic has never faced the same kind of scrutiny as slashfic. gen has always been acceptable, and there is plenty of canon representation of platonic and non-romantic relationships, and so it’s not something I have any business whining about.

and even now I feel fairly uncomfortable voicing this lol. I write almost exclusively genfic myself, and up until very recently, I’ve always defined gen in my head as being just a lack of romantic or sexual content, rather than being its own distinct category. I think that’s one of the reasons it took me so long to realize I was aro (that, and I’d honestly never even come across the term until just a few years ago). for me, my lack of interest in romantic affection always felt more like a lack of identity rather than an identity in and of itself. I always felt like I was missing something. and for a very long time it never occurred to me that this might be a permanent thing; I just figured, okay, I just haven’t had this feeling yet. it just hasn’t happened for me yet. but eventually it would, and I just hadn’t met the right person, or whatever. but it was never anything I particularly wanted, and I never felt like I was missing out on anything by not having it. I never felt any kind of longing for it or felt incomplete without it. I was actually perfectly content!

but because society treats romantic orientation as the norm and places such a huge emphasis on it, I still had the uncomfortable feeling in the back of my head that if I never fell in love with someone and never wound up having a relationship with someone, my life would somehow be less meaningful and whole. like, we’re raised to think that romantic love is basically the pinnacle of the human experience, the purest and truest emotion that anyone can feel. and at the same time, there’s this idea that a life without that kind of love is just sad and unfulfilling and tragic. and so for a very long time my experience with my own aromanticism was characterized by me thinking of it as a lack of something that everyone else said was very important. and it took a long time to realize that that wasn’t the case, and that it was a valid orientation all its own and not just a matter of me being deficient in some way. and that was actually such a relief to finally come to terms with. I can be whole and complete on my own and still have a rich and fulfilling human experience even if I never experience romantic love, and that’s fine. I’m not missing anything. I’m not wrong for feeling like I’m not missing anything. it’s fine to be content with just me as I am. like, holy shit. and that was such a weight off my shoulders to finally get that.

I once wrote a fic which I was and still am very proud of. it was a genfic, and it had a really intricate plot with a big twist at the very end. and there was a ton of emotion in it, and it got very intense at times, because these were two characters who cared a lot about each other and would literally die for each other if they had to, and I’d put them in a situation where that possibility was very much looming over their heads at every turn. and I really put everything I had into trying to convey that kind of bond as strongly as possible. like I poured a ton of my heart and soul into that fic. and the responses were almost universally positive and kind and made me really happy.

there was one response though, that still sticks with me to this day. it was by and large very positive, just like the others. but it ended with a single sentence that, at the time, kind of just lowkey gutted me. Not gonna lie though, would have loved some slash in there.

like, that just cut me. way more than this person actually intended, I think. I’m pretty sure they just meant it as an offhanded comment, not even a concrit or anything. just “haha would have loved it if they’d kissed though lol.” but it stung. because this was something I’d put every ounce of emotion that I could conjure up into. and even though it wasn’t mean to be hurtful in any way, to me that comment read as “this is still missing something.” because there was no romance, the fic was incomplete. the characters’ feelings were incomplete. even though I’d struggled so much to convey all of these complex emotions which to me were so real and powerful, and even though the comment even acknowledged that I had by and large done so effectively, to me the single takeaway that stuck was that the feelings were less meaningful because there was no romance.

and that felt like a failing on my part. I even apologized for it. and here we are, ten years later, and that comment still pops up in my head any time I feel the urge to talk about a popular ship which I support but which I also enjoy as just a friendship. “just” a friendship. I still feel guilt over that. I still feel this urge to overexplain that I’m not trying to invalidate the actual romantic ship. I worry that I’d be perceived as ungrateful and/or a bad ally if I ever just came out and said “I wish there was more gen” like you were able to say so freely, anon. I worry about people getting offended if I were to say “I headcanon so and so as being aroace” because it might be viewed as an attack on their ships, or as latent homophobia, or something. like I have this paranoid fear that people might take it as me being puritanical and all “oh no, icky sex” or whatever, and so I end up just never bringing it up at all.

and that’s the thing about aromanticism, though; it’s so easy to just never talk about it at all, because for so many people it is just defined as a lack of something, rather than a something all on its own. it’s so easy for it to be something you just never bring up, and which just kind of quietly exists as the boring, bland, inoffensive yet uninteresting lack of a relationship; the default blank slate that most everyone is dying to fill in as soon as possible, except for you. and I’ve gone on thinking about it that way myself for so long that I’m still struggling now to sort out how to embrace it as an actual identity. it’s something I still have a lot of work to do on I guess.

anyway! so that all got very long and rambling and personal, far more so than I intended; clearly I have a lot of pent up thoughts and feelings about this lol. I guess I probably could stand to talk about it more, since the evidence would indicate that I clearly want to. but eh, baby steps. but anyways you are super valid anon and thank you so much for the love and comments. <3

[awritersideavoid]

Hey there, the names Shay, I hope everyone is having a safe wonderful fulfilling day. I dont normally do this, but here goes. I've been learning to be positive especially as a lifelong pessimist. Some days are a bit easier than others. Today, I'm using every ounce of force to stay positive. My youngest cat Luna (little gray gal on the Left) has been thru a lot. I took her from a home that was about to be evicted, with her still locked inside. Her previous owner abandoned her. When I brought her here she developed an upper respiratory infection, I gave her antibiotics, but she hasn't been getting better. After a few weeks, we took her today to the vet because shes lethargic & lost weight. The vet listed everything that could be wrong with her & I had to do everything to keep it together...

All this rambling is really to just throw this hope out into the universe. If anyone at all feels like sending a positive thought or a little positive vibe out to us, I would be forever grateful.

Thanks to anyone for taking the time to read. -Shay

[orion-star-seed]

Aww🥺 you such a sweetheart🌹 idk why I'm crying with my heart eyes 🥺🥺💞

I'm like this 👆rn lol

1.What my LOVELY SPIRIT GUIDES are trying to tell me through recent synchronicity?

2. And what advice they've for my connection with SK( OH GOD WHY ILOVEHIMSOMUCHHHHH 😭 )

Thank you💖

Hola! How are you?

Oh my goodness!

Cause you are precious and radiating kind powerful energy

Okay your respective reading:-

1. Your spirit guides are trying to tell you trust the process. They lowkey coming off radiating straight up Strict vibes - "Why you want to know every single detail? And why you doubt us? You are surrounded by our light , we are constantly working 24/7 for you! And omg! Why you want to micro-manage every minute detail? Sometimes you just have to show us sign that you are ready!

You are good at gathering courage but when it comes to actually trust divine you starts second guessing and shouting your favourite Why/when/how word play!

We will be sending lil signs to make you aware about us! We have so much to offer you that your tiny hands will be short to capture all the happiness and love coming for your side and yes! Don't second guess it- You earned it beacuse you have high karma points - know universe never gives someone more unless they earned it!"

- 😳 Please talk with your powerful spirit team! Yes team cause you have whole team guding, protecting you! They are kinda upset and furious cause you ain't listening to them. Connect with them they are there waiting for your confirmation.

Channeled words / sentences- that green color symbol / art was us trying to get your attention, angel numbers - 2281, 1187, 5577.

2. Connection with respected S.K.

Their message- "we know you are focusing on SK. But currently we want you to focus on your own soul.

You have to work on your spiritual journey cause that will lead you towards destined love.

You have be in healthy space- mentally, spiritually and physically before you start sharing love.

You are abundant in love but you still have to learn how to properly channel and give right path cause waiting for some time is better than regretting pouring your heart toward wrong soul."

Okay- I feel they don't have harsh vibes for S.K they don't have problem but currently they want you to focus on mentioned areas of your life- this doesn't mean you should cut ties with S.K Nono!

They just have pure intentions you must also spend proper time with you own journey! You have to understand and should be in touch with your soul!

Advice - they are good! Have kind personality but go SLOW! They might not be on same level thinking! Cause they take things slow.

Thats all I have for you today!

Hope this will resonates 🌟🌌😊🌻

Sending loads of positivity and happiness.

[a-cat-who-likes-stars]

Dating and priorities. 1500, 18 Mar 2021

"Priorities" has been such a key word these days, because as much as I had been experimenting with a specific type of dating, I'm glad that I'm able to clarify to myself the good things among any else. This time I'll record what happened with my 1st few trials with said certain type of dating. Try to guess what kind of dating I went for, though they all took place online.

In retrospect, the first profile I made was the best. I could rejoice ironically how much of a regret I had after deleting it, but I'm not someone who goes with guilt and remorse. I always move on, though this time it felt more emotional, and I felt I had to carry an extra sack from where I'm walking away from, like this was a souvenir from the experience I went through.

My first profile picture was really elegant with a tinge of sultriness, but just a teeny tiny tinge of that. The background was a pale pink with a light tiffany green accessory cape, a few dark wooden-like ornaments on a sort of mantel. At least that was the impression of the profile picture, because truly it was just my bookshelf and my bedroom wall and a random piece of sheet I threw over to cover my sort of library collection.

I was wearing my bob with my bangs pinned up so I looked clean, tidy, well kept, classy, simple, no-nonsense. My make-up was a simple blush pink lipstick, some mascara, some compact powder to cover my undereye circles, brow penciled. The compact wasn't really covering the deeper shade of my undereye fully, combined with daylight it seemed too transparent, but that warrants my no-need to do any eyeshadow.

In the profile picture I'm in a half smile, but really it's just a matter of angle because I don't have to smile at all, I just seem like I'm smiling politely. My eyes looked downwards at the camera lens. I looked really classy.

Anyways the description and the photo was a boom because I received messages as soon as I put them online and they got approved.

There's this guy who offered a pay per meet but they gave off an off vibe so I deleted the message.

Over those kinds of inboxes the 1st guy that caught my eye did exactly this: he wanted to meet over coffee and offered a monthly allowance of 3000. That caught my eye because he meant business. I later caught on with him by texting outside of the website only to come to the conclusion I wasn't able to meet him because I won't be around until the middle of April. He told me to let him know when I'm back in the city.

Maybe he was the 1st person I reached out the furthest, I was interested and sent a message of a song recommendation from spotify to him but he didn't reply. It felt like dangling on a cliff. 1 week later I got another message from an overseas number offering a job. I knew the only way was through this person because I only used this new number of mine to communicate with him.

That gave a suspicious feeling, because this proved he might give any info of mine to anyone and the key thing was Without My Permission, I don't care if he did it out of what kind of intention. It was wrong and crossed my line, and as much as the offer of 3000 monthly seemed attractive to me (a 1st timer) I decided to delete their contact on my phone.

I had another place where I kept account of our chat details so if I ever (but highly unlikely) want to reconnect to this person whom I had researched online and found out he is a carpet businessman who looks I have seen via photographs of him, I decided it was done.

My principles.

The next person I dealt with just recently. He was such a friendly person who seemed genuinely into the game. And by game, I'm sure with his experience, he's a player. He's married but still looking, and from what we talked about on phone (he was the 1st to call me and the 1st guy whose voice I had heard since I started dating like this) he had a partner once for 2 years, she was a student but she ended her studies and things moved on but they kept being friends, this guy is someone who really manages his time with finesse, I must admit. He is a professional engineer, he says, and in his messenger account he put a name that I could easily research online and find a construction company director position linked to it. From there he is said to be a graduate from the University of Melbourne a long time ago. From there it tells me about how old he is now. His children (since he said he is married) if any, I figure could probably be older than I am.

That aside, he seemed genuinely interested to have a long term relationship. He seemed chemistry. He is very friendly and I could totally be friendly too, but I was guarded and cold compared to my usual self, especially when I was on that 1 phone call with him. He said he was driving, and he liked to hear about people's voices when he drives back home from dinner with his friends.

The next day I was greeted with a picture of a rose from him and a wish. The day after it was a quote and another wish for productivity as I mentioned my occupation too. This guy really knows how to converse. I admire his manners and conduct. In fact, he matches 89% of my description of "what I'm looking for". Save the married part.

He asked me if I'm allergic to married men. No, I'm not. I see them as humans all the same. I actually see him as a patient. It has only been 1 year and 6 months since I've enrolled in my professional academic training, and for that part of mindset, I was intrigued by myself to be honest.

Like I said, I was interested also because I was curious why he would had such kinds of affair after marrying a woman. I researched online for a consecutive 3 days regarding this matter. The reasons were humane enough.

I was reckless and threw this connection away. Because I was trying, too hard. I had a favourite guru on this sort of dating and she was successful. In her videos she said it was never too soon and about how we keep our standards up high so that people we date are on par and we don't waste our time. Be focused on the aim. There's nothing wrong with that. Anyone who wants something has to set their intention on it.

I wanted a book so I texted him about it and he read my message and never ever replied. I was filled with guilt I removed my simcard so that I never EVER reconnect with this person however the chemistry or friendliness existed for the first 2 days.

I recall a tarot reading because I'm into these stuffs. The reading said this person "will prepare you for your true connection". I couldn't agree more. I felt on one hand I disrespected him, on the other hand he taught me to be respectful of time and mannerisms. It was a sort of transaction with no money involved. I'm grateful I met this person, he really reminded me of that.

He also showed me how high my standards should be.

The day after I watched my guru online and she reminded to keep it as a date, not some job.

Of course. I just went off track for a time. See how it affected everything. Impressions are so important.

I started to date because I wanted to spend my time on guys who can afford and are good in management, well in conduct, respectable. I was grateful I met them. It felt rare. I wouldn't have met these people who are multimillionaires, entrepreneurs, CEOs, Directors, if I only mingled with peers. Plus my peers suck.

What an experience. I'm thankful for these gurus. Eventhough I will most probably NEVER meet them ever again. But I will remember their names, they have touched me without knowing (it's not that sentimental, just stating) and if I ever come across them in real life, I will send a wish for their general well-being. Like putting it out to the universe and the universe will take care of everything else.

I took out my profile and deactivated it. Nothing remains except if you're a hacker you may retrieve the deleted info. It was like a summer fling to me. Although everything IS like a fling to me. I take things less serious than I seem to be, and as much as I'm warm around, my heart isn't as so.

All in all, it was my 1st experience with sugar dating. Yep. Meeting successful men who keep their private life so private people assume they're gay? Interesting as heck.

I'd love to redo this again in the future after I level up. Ah, such are the beginnings of and afterthoughts for my dating choices. Imma try to write a book in the end as a memoir. Cheers!