#selfish ex

[david-talks-sw]

Dooku didn't leave because of the Jedi.

At least, if you're going by George Lucas' word.

In deleted scenes of Attack of the Clones, when we learn about Dooku's departure and his values, there's no mention of the Jedi or "the Jedi Order as an institution".

And every time Lucas refers to Dooku's disenchantment and reason for falling, he doesn't mention the Jedi.

"When you realize that Dooku is Darth Tyranus, it explains what Darth Sidious did after Darth Maul was killed: he seduced a Jedi who had become disenchanted with the Republic. He preyed on that disenchantment and converted him to the dark side, which is also a setup for what happens with Anakin." - Mythmaking: Behind the Scenes of Attack of the Clones, 2002

"[Dooku is] one of the few Jedi who became disenchanted with the Republic and left the order and he is leading a separatist movement." - Vanity Fair, 2002

"I wanted a more sophisticated kind of villain. Dooku’s disenchantment with the corruption in the Empire is actually valid. It’s all valid.  So, Chris plays it as, 'Is he really a villain or is he just someone who is disenchanted and trying to make things right?'" - Starlog Magazine #300, 2002

He probably meant the Republic/Senate in that last one, but you get the point. And you're seeing the pattern, right?

Dooku's problem isn't the Jedi, it's the Republic.

He's become disenchanted with a system that - according to Lucas' prologue in the 2004 book Shatterpoint - worked for 1,000 years...

"For a thousand years, the Old Republic prospered and grew under the wise rule of the Senate and the protection of the venerable Jedi Knights."

... but has been rendered ineffective because of 1) senators becoming corrupt and 2) corporations gaining political power.

"But as often happens when wealth and power grow beyond all reasonable proportion, an evil fueled by greed arose. The massive organs of commerce mushroomed in power, the Senate became corrupt, and an ambitious named Palpatine was voted Supreme Chancellor."

That's the message Dooku runs on, when he rallies the systems to form the Separatist Alliance.

"By promising an alternative to the corruption and greed that was rotting the Republic from within, Dooku was able to persuade thousands of star systems to secede from the Republic."

The Jedi aren't really a factor in his decision to leave.

Why would they be? Their political status isn't very high, they're virtually powerless, as illustrated by the film's narrative and stated repeatedly by Lucas.

On the contrary, as we already established in this post, Lucas full-on confirmed that Dooku actually carries the sympathies of most of the Jedi. Again:

Most Jedi agree with Dooku, ideologically.

As far as the Jedi are concerned, the politicians are effing up the Republic, and it sucks because the Jedi see this but aren't allowed to interfere in the political process. They have to resort to looking for loopholes in their mandates to actually get stuff done.

That's what that whole "she's a politician" scene is meant to hint at. In the commentary of Attack of the Clones, Lucas uses a similar turn of phrase as he does with Dooku.

"[This scene gives us] a chance to talk a little bit about politics and the Jedi’s disenchantment with the political process, due to the corruption and the ineffectiveness of the Senate." - Attack of the Clones, Director’s Commentary, 2002

Considering all this, it becomes clear that the intended narrative surrounding Dooku's decision to leave the Order is not:

"The Jedi are dogmatic and asleep at the wheel except for Dooku, who is ahead of the curb and sees the system is flawed, so he left."

It's actually:

"ALL Jedi see the system is flawed, Dooku's the only Jedi who decided to take it a step further and leave the Order so he can try to get into politics himself and change things."

That's why they hesitate to accuse him of murder.

That's why in an earlier draft of the Attack of the Clones script, by the end of the second act, Mace STILL has his doubts that Dooku would sign a treaty with the Trade Federation to attack the Republic.

As far as the Jedi are concerned, Dooku is out there fighting the good fight, making noise because whenever they try to protest it falls on deaf ears... until his betrayal on Geonosis.

After all, let's not get it twisted: the Dooku we're introduced to in the films and The Clone Wars, isn't really just Dooku anymore.

He's Darth Tyranus.

A point Lucas makes sure to highlight in his Shatterpoint prologue:

"Unbeknownst to most of his followers, Dooku was himself a Dark Lord of the Sith, acting in collusion with his master, Darth Sidious, who, over the years, had struck an unholy alliance with the greater forces of commerce and their private droid armies."

It's not about doing the selfless thing for Dooku, anymore. He's knowingly part of the problem.

He's all about ambition, now. His personal goals are things like overthrowing Sidious and becoming the most powerful Jedi.

"[Anakin's] ambition and his dialogue here is the same as Dooku’s. He says “I will become more powerful than every Jedi.” And you’ll hear later on Dooku will say “I have become more powerful than any Jedi.” [...] It is possible for a Jedi to want to become more powerful, and control things." - Attack of the Clones, Director’s Commentary, 2002

"If you put two Sith together, they try to get others to join them to get rid of the other Sith. [When revealing the truth to Obi-Wan], Dooku's ambition is really to get rid of Darth Sidious. He's trying to get Obi-Wan's assistance in that and help in that, so that he and Obi-Wan could overthrow Sidious and take over." - Attack of the Clones, Commentary Track 2, 2002

Y'know? Selfish things.

Dooku - like all other Sith, and like the very corporations and Senators he had sworn to destroy - is consumed by his own greed.

[rottmntrulesall]

This really give us an insight on Blitz’s intimate life. He doesn’t do foreplay, just dives right in.

SHE STATED IT OUT RIGHT

[kabra-malvada]

Mabel Pines did not deserve the hate.

[blonde-and-cat-suc]

Catra being anxious and having panic attacks over the bad things she did is actually counter productive to any hypothetical scenario where she is self reflecting and/or receiving constructive criticism.

Her potentially having crippling anxiety over being an asshole in the past PREVENTS and/or DELAYS any changes she might potentially make.

Making this character spiral over moral dilemmas does not inherently mean she’s actively working to change her ways. Her being afraid of facing her badness does not make her good; it simply means she has anxieties toward constructive criticism/dialogue.

[marztapatan]

It rains over this dead garden

[rush-the-stars]

cielo????? sex with ex vash???????? the goosebumps that just broke out across my body.....

ANON JFKDJSKAA

i think sex with ex vash is actually very emotional and extremely desperate and passionate…,.raw. maybe you’re taking a lil of your frustrations out on him for the break up or whatever’s happened between you…..vash takes it well….always has.

maybe he also takes a lil of his frustrations out on you too 🫢

[thepeacefulgarden]

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Religious Harm Recovery Coaches (@happywholeway)

[blueeyeswhitegirlcock]

us culture is so heavily influenced by protestant beliefs, especially re: work, that as an ex-fundie it's so easy to assume everybody else was raised some less extreme sort of christian and just doesn't talk about it. right? they're all still saved and i'm not. even as an adult i feel like a struggling kid looking around the auditorium at all the adults with their heads bowed and eyes closed, effortlessly sharing something ive never been able to make myself feel.

i was really really surprised when my roommate told me she wasn't raised religious and didn't know anything about the bible. and when my friends who were raised vaguely catholic didn't know what the rapture is. and every time i have to explain why the evangelical right is so into zionism.

when i'm on the bus and i find some the-end-is-nigh-get-right-with-jesus bullshit i pick it up and take it with me to let it die on my bookshelf, because part of my brain still thinks it's blasphemous to just throw it away. it feels like seeing an old friend. i've never met any else who could even point to my hometown on a map, like, the 10 square miles where i spent the first 20 years of my life is less than insignificant even to the rest of the world, and when i see pamphlets that talk about the end of days i feel seen. when i hear people endorse an ideology that would like to kill me and everyone i love, i feel at home. flat and barren fields and dead, decaying trees, and the smell of mildew; suggestions to REPENT NOW, and the strangers who won't see me as anything but a tranny and a sinner and an abomination, and the fog that hovers on the surface of the river in the morning.

the culture i'm from wants to kill all of us. how do i scrub the fascism from all the places I want to take my friends - before it becomes illegal for us to visit them?

[deservedgrace]

i took sermons of self-sacrifice and putting god and others above yourself and not being "selfish" really seriously and when that burned me out and i learned it's not sustainable to pour from an empty cup all the time i brought it up to this highly respected xtian couple in the church and the first (and pretty much only) response i got was "the verse is 'love your neighbor AS YOURSELF'" as if it was my fault for not "reading the verse properly" when the reason i was like this in the first place is because the church puts so much fucking emphasis on not being "selfish" and viewing others as above you and taking care of others above yourself and glorification of self-sacrifice while never having a single sermon that even says "it's okay to take care of yourself too" and the people who told me that don't know it but their response (and noticing how others respond the same) helped me realize how much this is all just bullshit and is one of the reasons i left

[cattatoir]

I think I have unpopular Sandman takes bc I'm usually on his side

[freedomforthewin]

Desperate Measures

(Scamander brothers & muggle reader)

Content Warnings: Themes of suicidal temptation, narcissistic abuse, C-PTSD, attempted abduction, PTSD, and betrayal. There’s also emotional distress, and a knife is present. Ableism and biphobia are mentioned.

Note 1: Some numbers and resources are noted at the bottom of this story post.

Note 2: If you like this story, please like, reblog, and/or comment on this story. Doing that really helps writers out. Plus, this was a really difficult story to write, and I worked extra hard on it, haha.

You slowly walked over to the knife holder on the kitchen counter, as if you were in a trance, and grabbed a knife. You stared at the knife in your hand.

Everything was too much. Your entire being was consumed with so much stress and pain. And it had been that way for too long. You couldn’t do this anymore.

There was no other way out.

But—you just remembered—your friends—Newt and Theseus—they would not be okay with this. Doing this would devastate them. They had always genuinely cared about you.

And you had worked too hard to die now. It was taking a while for you to get better and work towards building the life you wanted, but you were farther along than you were before.

But, you needed a way out. You needed this pain and stress to stop. You didn’t want to be stuck with the trauma anymore. And, you wanted to finally be safe. What could you do???

You felt trapped.

Tears started to fill your eyes. Your grip on the knife tightened and shook; then it relaxed. You moved the knife to the side. You stared at it for a few seconds. Then, you put your elbows on the counter, lowered your head into your hands, curled into yourself, and started to cry.

Soon after, footsteps came towards the kitchen, but your overwhelm prevented you from hearing them. The footsteps paused upon the scene, and there was a brief silence.

“(Y/N)?” you heard a voice call softly from behind you. Newt’s voice.

Your breath hitched, but you didn’t raise your head.

No. He had caught you.

You didn’t know what to do, what to say. You didn’t have the energy for this, so you just stayed as you were.

“(Y/N)? Are you alright?”

You still didn’t answer. Newt walked till he was standing to your right. He placed his hand on your shoulder, gazing at you with concern.

Then, he noticed the knife to the right side. When he realized what you were trying to do, he let out a small gasp. His green eyes turned to the knife holder in front of you.

He kept his hand on your shoulder and used his other hand to move the knife and then the knife holder farther to the right, away from you. He stared at them. Then, he looked back at you, scared.

“What’s going on?” he asked.

You tried to hold back sobs.

He was worried. He knew you had been going through a hard time, but he had never seen you like this. He thought about the knife he had just pushed away from you.

“Please show me your wrists.”

You didn’t move. You didn’t want him to see you cry, even if he was one of your closest friends. You didn’t feel comfortable crying in front of anyone. It was too late, in a way, though. You couldn’t hide the fact that you were crying, but that didn’t mean you had to show your face.

“I need to make sure you’re not injured,” Newt clarified.

You still didn’t speak. You didn’t trust your voice to sound normal.

“Okay,” he said cautiously, “I’m just going to pull your sleeves down and check.” You kept your head in your hands. Newt carefully pulled your sleeves down and tried to look for injuries, walking around you to continue checking your arms from other angles without pulling your arms away from your head. He didn’t find anything concerning.

“Alright. Your arms seem fine. Did you cut yourself somewhere else?”

You shook your head, no.

“Did you—stab yourself?”

You shook your head again. Then, you gave up on not speaking.

“Al—almost,” you said in a thick voice.

He was quiet for a few moments.

“Why—why would you do that?”

You didn’t answer at first. He waited for you.

“It’s all too much,” you finally said hoarsely.

“Alright. Can you—can you tell me more?” he asked, trying to stay calm.

Your head turned towards him, a desperate look in your eyes. He saw the tear streaks and pained expression on your face. Newt’s heart broke.

“I believe you,” he said. “I know you’ve been going through a hard time. I do. Just, just talk to me. Take your time, it’s alright. Just tell me whatever you can. In case there are things going on that I’m not aware of. I’ll—I’ll do my best to help you.”

Just then, Theseus, who had come over earlier that day to spend time with you and Newt, walked into the room while adjusting his gray suit. He stopped when he noticed the sight in front of him. “What—what’s going on?” Theseus asked, concerned. You and Newt looked at each other, unsure of what to say. You snapped your eyes shut and lowered your head while pursing your lips together. Newt worriedly placed his hand on your shoulder. He then glanced downwards before turning his head towards his brother.

“She—she almost killed herself,” Newt answered.

Theseus just stood there as the realization of what Newt said hit him.

“What?” Theseus asked, shocked.

Newt let out a breath before speaking.

“She tried to—she was going to—she almost—she almost stabbed herself.”

Theseus stood still for a few moments before making his way over to you both. His ocean blue eyes gazed at the knife that was away from you and Newt. Then, he turned back towards you and caressed your arm.

“Please talk to us,” Theseus said quietly.

“We’re here for you,” Newt added tenderly.

You were overwhelmed, making it hard for you to speak, but they waited patiently for you.

“These memories,” you started, your voice hoarse. “These thoughts. These feelings. They don’t go away for good. And they can get so…intense.”

“What are you remembering?” Theseus asked gently but worriedly.

“The abuse.”

Your friends looked at you, sadly.

“It was really bad,” you whispered.

“I believe you,” Newt reassured you.

“So do I,” Theseus agreed.

Your mouth curled into a hint of a smile, a pained but grateful look in your eyes. You tilted your head towards them in a slight nod, which they returned.

You were silent for a few moments. Then you continued, “They were ableist, too. And biphobic. Even though I was their daughter and a part of those minority groups. Didn’t matter. I was their daughter, and they didn’t care…they didn’t care.”

Both of the Scamander brothers’ faces fell at your words.

“They treated me so…” you trailed off and sighed hopelessly.

Your friends gazed downwards morosely. The three of you went silent.

Then, you asked, “Do you remember what they and the others did to me after I escaped?”

“Yes. I remember,” Theseus said solemnly as Newt nodded. You looked at Theseus, a tortured expression on your face.

“They terrorized me,” you nearly whispered. “But they did it subtly and manipulatively, under the guise of caring. If anyone read or listened to the messages, or listened to those monsters try to justify their actions, without being very familiar with how manipulation works and the different ways it can be done, they’d fall for the manipulation and not believe me.”

“I’m sorry,” Theseus said sadly. He was quiet for a few moments. “But it’s good that you don’t have contact with them now. You’re safe now.”

“For how long?” you asked hopelessly. “They haven’t stayed away for good.

“They kept trying to contact me. And they and the others who decided to get involved kept trying to get me to reveal my location, as well as trick me into letting them abduct me. And…” you trailed off as the tears fell down your face.

Theseus went up to you and engulfed you in his arms. Your arms wrapped around him tightly. He held you and rocked you side to side as you cried in his arms.

You, like Newt, weren’t typically a hugger. But, Theseus’s hugs were different: They actually felt comfortable to you. Newt watched the two of you sadly. Then, he took his wand, turned towards the knife and knife holder, and vanished them. He stared at the space the weapons had been in, breathing heavily.

He had almost lost you.

“You’re safe now,” Theseus said to you soothingly. “You’re safe now.”

Newt turned back towards his friend and older brother. Newt placed his hand on your shaking shoulder. After a few seconds, he began to rub your shoulder.

“They can’t do this to you anymore,” Newt murmured. “They’re not here. You’re away from them, and you don’t have contact with them. You’re safe now.”

They went quiet and comforted you as you cried.

“Why don’t we take her to the couch,” Newt quietly suggested after a little bit, motioning towards the yellow couch in the living room with his head.

Theseus nodded.

The three of you made your way over to the couch, Theseus keeping his arm around you the entire way there. You sat in the middle of the couch, Newt sat to your right, and Theseus sat to your left. They rubbed your arms, trying to console you. Neither of you said a word. After a bit, you finally spoke.

“Sometimes I have to remind myself where I am. That I’m not there anymore. That I’m away.”

“Yes, that’s right. You’re not there anymore,” Newt said. “They don’t know where you are. They and the others who got involved can’t try to take you back again.”

“They already tried multiple times,” you said despondently.

“I know. I know, and I’m so sorry.” Newt was silent for a few moments.

“They did that and they did so much to try to get me to reveal where I am.”

“We’re not going to let them take you or do anything to you,” Theseus stated. “And you’ll do a good job of protecting yourself, too. You already have.”

“Yeah,” Newt reassured you. “You made very smart decisions to keep yourself hidden, and you have been continuing to make smart decisions.”

“Exactly,” Theseus agreed.

You took a deep breath and nodded.

They were quiet for some time.

“I knew that me escaping and cutting them off would lead to me getting betrayed and losing people, but it’s still hard,” you muttered. “Why do I mean so little to all of them?”

Theseus placed his hand on your arm.

“Because they’re not meant to be in your life,” he replied.

“He’s right,” Newt agreed. “But—we believe you. We care.”

“Yes,” Theseus affirmed. “We do. We know you’ve suffered. We know you deserved better.”

“And we know they’re very manipulative,” Newt said. “We read and listened to the messages you showed us they sent you. Something is seriously wrong with them.”

You shook your head up and down, so thankful your friends saw your abusers for what your abusers were.

“They’re narcissistic abusers,” you said. “They won’t change no matter what they say. If they wanted to change, they would have tried a long time ago. My suffering because of them would have been enough to get them to change. But it wasn’t. They only tried to ‘change’ after I left, when they got affected. When they lost control of me, and when me escaping put their reputation at risk. None of their words and actions are genuine. They don’t care about me.”

“I’m sorry,” Newt whispered.

“We do though,” Theseus replied. “Care, I mean. We care.”

“We’re your friends,” Newt said gingerly. “We love you.”

“You’re not alone.”

You smiled at them.

“And you have a…therapist, as you muggles call them,” Theseus added. “She can help you. Is it working out with her?”

“Yes. I like her. There’s just…so much.”

Theseus nodded sympathetically.

“(Y/N),” Newt suddenly said. You looked at him.

“You were going to kill yourself, but you stopped. What got you to stop?”

You were quiet at first.

“I’ve worked too hard to give up now,” you finally said.

Newt and Theseus gave you small smiles and nodded. You gave them a small smile back.

“But, I also remembered both of you,” you replied awkwardly, motioning to Theseus and him. “This would hurt you, both. I couldn’t do that to you. Both of you genuinely care about me. You always have.”

Your friends looked at you morosely. Then, they both leaned in and laid their heads against yours. You closed your eyes. The three of you sat like that for some time in silence.

“Why don’t we take you to get some help,” Theseus suggested quietly, his head still against yours. Then, he sat up and looked at you; Newt did the same.

You looked away, a slightly anxious expression on your face.

You had never checked yourself in for a mental health emergency before. The idea of it made you feel nervous, but, you supposed, not as nervous as you thought you’d be if you had to do this without your friends’ support.

And, this really was an emergency though, wasn’t it? You had almost killed yourself.

You felt someone take your hand. You looked to see who it was.

Newt.

“You’re worth it,” he said. At those words, your eyes held their gaze towards him. “You’re worth it.”

You smiled gratefully at him. Then, you took a few deep breaths before you looked at Theseus and nodded.

“Okay,” you said, accepting the offer of help.

*****************End of Story*****************

Hotline (in America):

988

A link to hotlines in the U.K.:

[t-u-i-t-c]

"This is my problem too!"

[clits-and-clips]

Since writing the affirmations and starting manifestation again, I've actually been in a much better headspace. It's crazy how things align, and you end up where you need to be, especially through pain

[corpium]

Took a DnD alignment quiz and got true neutral and my brother was like “huh. I thought you’d be chaotic good,” and I’m like “sure, to YOU, but basically everyone else can go fuck themselves,” and really, I think that demonstrates how accurate the test is.

[longlive-verona]

interesting to see the comparison of Roy and Jamie re: Keeley’s video…both obviously care for her but Roy is still romantically invested while Jamie is respectful but nothing more

[gxlden-angels]

damn my childhood churches really did instill a deeply-rooted martyr complex and near-suicidal ideation in me from a young age huh?