#exvan
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us culture is so heavily influenced by protestant beliefs, especially re: work, that as an ex-fundie it's so easy to assume everybody else was raised some less extreme sort of christian and just doesn't talk about it. right? they're all still saved and i'm not. even as an adult i feel like a struggling kid looking around the auditorium at all the adults with their heads bowed and eyes closed, effortlessly sharing something ive never been able to make myself feel.
i was really really surprised when my roommate told me she wasn't raised religious and didn't know anything about the bible. and when my friends who were raised vaguely catholic didn't know what the rapture is. and every time i have to explain why the evangelical right is so into zionism.
when i'm on the bus and i find some the-end-is-nigh-get-right-with-jesus bullshit i pick it up and take it with me to let it die on my bookshelf, because part of my brain still thinks it's blasphemous to just throw it away. it feels like seeing an old friend. i've never met any else who could even point to my hometown on a map, like, the 10 square miles where i spent the first 20 years of my life is less than insignificant even to the rest of the world, and when i see pamphlets that talk about the end of days i feel seen. when i hear people endorse an ideology that would like to kill me and everyone i love, i feel at home. flat and barren fields and dead, decaying trees, and the smell of mildew; suggestions to REPENT NOW, and the strangers who won't see me as anything but a tranny and a sinner and an abomination, and the fog that hovers on the surface of the river in the morning.
the culture i'm from wants to kill all of us. how do i scrub the fascism from all the places I want to take my friends - before it becomes illegal for us to visit them?
#op#orz thinking about home#i don't care if it's selfish and if there are bigger issues in the world. it's my blog. the home i want to go back to won't have me.#ex fundamentalist#exvan
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#the sheer amount of people -from my old church- who say not TRUE christianity like bitch you were there?#you agreed? you have the exact theology I used to have what do you think you’re talking about?#my art#vent art#xianity#ex christian#ex evangelical#ex church#post christianity#exvangelical#exvan#ex fundamentalist#exmo#exmormon#religious indoctrination#religious trauma
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Mom: how was your Chr*stmas?
Me: I spent it blissfully ignoring that it was Chr*stmas 😌
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ugh why don't we rewind your childhood and turn you into a third-culture kid raised in an isolationist spiritual community and see if you turn out normal
#BITCHIE I CANT DO IT#this recovery speedrun will take my whole life and dont u DARE expect me to be normal#yeah ik everyone's special but holy fuck this is an unprecedented level of special. u want what i have#except you don't#anyway this is only important as a medium to state that im tired of trying to act right and im irrevocably fucked thank u#things keep happening that expect me to act different but i shan't im literally an exvan mk smh smh#j personal#delete later#like i said. can i just have daddy issues instead#explaining the cult is getting kind of old
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Weekly Writing and Reading Update
Hullo! Before I try to spend some time not on the computer, let’s get this done. (We’ll see how well that works -- I do sort of want to write as well, and anyway, it’s a holiday! Plus I’m hoping to do a nice long bike ride this evening.)
Writing
Abide With Me Awhile The end is SO CLOSE!! Maybe 36 chapters + a short epilogue in all? I am definitely at the point where suddenly I am going to miss them so much. I do not in any way have another 100k+ of words in me for this AU (and there’s not that much story either, tbh), but I can see filling a couple prompts someday. I do love them very much.
Reading
Whew, I feel like I finished a lot this week, despite the hell of racing one cat to the emergency vet and the rest of us to a hotel to hide from the heatwave. Let’s see, I read:
Greenwitch, because I always forget it’s set in spring; it just feels like a summer book. It’s my favorite of the Dark is Rising series because it’s strange and weird and magical, it focuses a bit more on Jane, and it’s not quite so ‘collect these plot tokens to get to the end of the book’ as the rest of the series is. It’s so eerie and perfect; I am glad I re-read it.
God Spare The Girls I think I raced through this in like 48 hours. It destroyed me. It is so good but so heartbreaking and I have too many feelings about Caro, and about...everything. It’s so good but wow I kept taking breaks and then when I finished it I just needed to stare at a wall for a long time. (By the way, because I know there’s some exvangelicals there -- it’s written by an exvangelical and is about evangelical culture and a family and a mega-church and just be aware that an exvan friend of mine read it and he also had to stare at a wall for awhile.) It’s so, so good, but it’s also a pretty hard read at times, emotionally.
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the exvan experience of telling secular people things you grew up with
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I too wish to renounce "god" in the name of blasphemy, and thereby have demon powers bestowed upon me by you, oh blasphemous one. However, I am not drawn to any specific powers to request; what might you choose to give me, if I were to ask you to surprise me? (Yes, this is an attempt to be incredibly extra just for the fun of it. Flamboyance is a "sin" and I'm a gay little exvan demon who loves your big and wanted to brighten your day)
I hereby grant you immortality and invulnerability, as well as the ability to shapeshifter into any form you desire, whether real or imagined
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relatable exvan feel: getting hymns randomly stuck in your head
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regardless what happens today we need to get more militantly anti christian nationalism we need to be burning fundamentalist churches and telling street preachers to kill themselves. we need to exclude fundamentalists from all civil discussions the way we exclude nazis. so long as we let them hold onto these beliefs AND their dignity there is nothing that will make these people want to kill us any less
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Why does this have to be my first sponsored post???
I was wanting something silly but instead christians ruined it by managing to find a way to force themself onto my (a traumatized exvan) dash that I've spent years curating into a safe space for me.
Fuck christians
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hi, vengo a pedir unfollow a evan and venus porque siento que nunca logré ni lograré sentirme incorporada en el rp, so... eso :(
¡Hola, Nayis! omg me da mucha tristeza leer esto, but te entiendo, si no te sientes cómoda estás en todo tu derecho de irte. De igual forma, si alguna vez deseas regresar, te estaremos esperando con los brazos abiertos. ¡Gracias por haber sido parte de nuestro proyecto!
Laa Laa !!
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I am constantly angry. It seems every day I find a new reason to add to my list — the silence of a god who claimed to love me, the abuse of a church that taught me I was broken and unworthy, the unwillingness of the people around me to flex their opinions even slightly to allow for compassion, who claim that they care, and do anything but. I have more anger than anyone wants to hear about. It strains my friendships and scares my family. I am tired. There is constantly more.
#xianity#deconstruction#leaving the faith#ex evangelical#exvan#exvangelical#ex fundamentalist#ex christian#ex religion#my art#ex religious#anger
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cont. party under the moonlight. ---- * ・ ☼ ˙ ˖ ✸ @exvan. ❜
ya había dejado pasar sus primeras palabras, puesto a el bajo perfil que dejó el muchacho en aquel dialogo, mas no fue así la segunda vez, cuando parecía tierno, ahora se había incrementado con esa tímida y, sola palabra, que podría ser tomada por tajante, pero podía reconocerse fácilmente que no era para terminar con la conversación, por la manera en que los orbes chocolate se quedaban estáticos siguiendo a los azulinos propios. Lo que sencillamente así, le hizo a Bristol imposible de contener una enternecida sonrisa siendo escoltada por su par de turquesas que acogieron un brillo destellante, podría ser por la emoción, la conmoción o, algo más. Terminando por suprimir la expresión en sus delicadas facciones, o al menos intentó, mordiendo su labio inferior y, mirando fugazmente hacía arriba pensativa. Ciertamente, ésto siempre iba a ser confuso, puesto que, no podría definirse de ninguna manera, y sólo quedaban incógnitas de saber si ésto era un “algo más” de una pareja de niños ingenuos e inmaduros, o por el contrario, era un juego del que ambos estaban consientes. ‘ ¿Y por qué saliste de la fiesta? ’ rompió el hielo, elevando sus cejas por curiosidad, expectante a su respuesta. Podía apreciar sus pequeños gestos que marcaban la diferencia, que le hacían ser, él, y los conocía detalladamente. Finalizando a sonreír aliviada en alguna forma. ‘ No eres tonto, sólo yo puedo decirte así. Eres lindo y, apachurrable. ’ soltando una leve risita al ver su puchero, procediendo a rodear por arriba de la cintura al muchacho, rindiéndose bajo sus brazos, escondiendo su rostro entre el hombro ajeno, para así sentir aquella esencia de perfume que lo distinguía.
#exvan#* ・ ☼ ˙ ˖ ┉ interaction. (✸ bristol & evan).#shit there you go ASFLD lo corté un poco#ya me wa a mimir :3
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"Aah! The twinge of love. Irresistible!"
”¿Qué pasa, Evan? ¿estás drogado?” Cuestionó, más curioso que cualquier otra cosa, apenas levantando unos centímetros la mirada del séptimo número del manga que tanto disfrutaba. Y, teniendo en cuenta que la segunda temporada se estrenaría el año que viene, necesitaba refrescar sus recuerdos del Arca del Rey Impuro. “¿O de verdad caíste tan bajo como para enamorarte?” Mira quien fue a hablar.
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pato no me quieres hacer rp icons de alicia vikandeR? ahr
no, no quiero gg mentira, por supuesto que se los hago bc alicia is suCH A BAE !
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