#self serving b*tch right here

[thought--bubble]

"Why do you reblog old fics?"

Because I am what you call a fic hunter, hehehe, I want a certain thing (trope, character ect) and like the creep I am, I hunt it down.

[vamptarot]

Yes or No? | PAC

pile one pile two pile three

pile four pile five pile six

pile seven pile eight pile nine

how to choose a pile . . . choose whichever you feel drawn to or ask your guides to guide your eyes to the one that is meant for you! ᡣ𐭩

— ⭑.ᐟ please keep in mind that this is a short pick a card, and that’s exactly why there is so much options! 🫶🏻 not proof read.

pile one : - blue ‘n beige

𐙚 : nine of swords, page of wands reversed, the chariot reversed

bottom of deck: wheel of fortune.

♡ ⢷Yes or No?

No, and I can see this hurting for most people reading this pile. Some more than others.

♡ ⢷Why?

Simply just not meant for you, it’s not something that is supposed to be in your life. Some of you are asking about a person or career opportunity, and even in that case the answer is still no. There are better things awaiting you, don’t give yourself up to things that serve you no right.

— ✮⋆˙ pink glittery eyeshadow , 2020 trends , night time , heart break , someone here is in love with a taurus man/masc woman , DD , 555 , j-hiphop , space buns , experimental hairstyles

I know hearing no can hurt sometimes and some of you might even wanna hate on me for it but I’d rather keep it real with you than to lie right into your face. I truly hope that regardless of the outcome, you will be happy. thank you for reading.

if you liked my reading please consider checking out my paid readings! there is barely any topic I will say no to and with every penny you are helping me!

pile two : - japanese umbrellas !

𐙚 : ten of wands, ten of swords reversed, knight of wands bottom of the deck: two of cups reversed

♡ ⢷Yes or No?

This is entirely up to you. It can be a yes, and a no. It’s in your control.

♡ ⢷Why?

This isn’t something grand that you can’t pull yourself out of without the help of other people. You can, and you will. You just need to be persistent with it. No one controls your life but you, even if you might view it otherwise at times.

— ✮⋆˙ heart shaped keys, 10 of hearts / wands (?) , the nightmare before Christmas , ‘one, two, three, four, five.. I once ate a b!tch alive ‘ (????) , someone here is into horror genre (specifically mangas) , small business , gg stan , gee - girls’ generation , pink bows & laces

anxiety sucks, but so is wondering ‘what if I have done that?’, personally, that’s my advice for you. thank you for reading.

if you liked my reading please consider checking out my paid readings! there is barely any topic I will say no to and with every penny you are helping me!

pile three : - rose-heart matcha !

𐙚 : five of wands, page of cups

bottom of the deck: eight of swords

♡ ⢷Yes or No?

A very strong no.

♡ ⢷Why?

You know this would create fights as well. I know it, and you do too. It’s not something that is meant for you. It sounds good now, but it would change your life and you would regret.

— ✮⋆˙ alt style , léon: the professional , france , age gaps , mental health issues - yes, yours - , tenten , owls , howl’s moving castle , teddy bears , a golden ring with a red gem ,(fake/self made/professional ect) tattoos , mascara running down your cheeks while crying , crying bathroom selfies , short blue hair

I know life is hard and it sucks sometimes but I believe in you even at times you do not. You can make better choices than this, and I believe that you will do so too. thank you for reading.

if you liked my reading please consider checking out my paid readings! there is barely any topic I will say no to and with every penny you are helping me!

pile four : - flowers !

𐙚 : ten of pentacles, the lovers

bottom of the deck: knight of pentacles

♡ ⢷Yes or No?

Heck yeah! Yes. Strong yes. If this is an opportunity, go for it. If it’s a ‘what if’ question this is such a huge yes for you bby.

♡ ⢷Why?

Most of you asking this will ask about love.. the person is just head over heels for you!!! If this is a job opportunity please know that you have such a phenomenal and extraordinary talent, it’s so cool.

— ✮⋆˙ blond(e) , dyed hair , pink hello kitty nails - with charms for some of you - , cutesy style , shorter side height wise , crushes , led lights , subway - the sandwhich chain - , neck massages / rubs , jelly balls - food.. - , modern family , violin , glasses , tom boy

your energy is soo cute and excited!! thank you for reading.

if you liked my reading please consider checking out my paid readings! there is barely any topic I will say no to and with every penny you are helping me!

pile five : - glasses !

𐙚 : king of swords, king of cups, ace of pentacles

♡ ⢷Yes or No?

Yes!! A strong yes.

♡ ⢷Why?

You have got all the strength that takes to do this.

— ✮⋆˙ melancholic vibes , (dark) blue walls , glittery things , crying statues , images mother mary , hatsune miku , pretty wigs (smooth/silky ones.. like the pretty ones from china) , devil , white eyes , work opportunities , changes , accepting new challenges , feeling of anxiety , cowboy hats

I know you are anxious, and that’s valid. Everybody feels fear, but you got this. thank you for reading.

if you liked my reading please consider checking out my paid readings! there is barely any topic I will say no to and with every penny you are helping me!

pile six : - birds

𐙚 : death , nine of cups reversed , the hierophant , ace of cups

bottom of the deck: four of wands

♡ ⢷Yes or No?

Yes. A sad yes.

♡ ⢷Why?

It’s for the better, you are worth more than this. This is the only thing your guides are saying.

— ✮⋆˙ dreaming of living near the sea in Italy , luca - the disney movie , the lion king - fondness for nuka specifically , pale skin & brown hair & greenish blue eyes , nightmares of monsters / the devil , the villian guy from princess & the frog , uncanny valley , dabi from mha , fondness for the unaccepted ones

please remember that being disappointed is better than being heartbroken. thank you for reading.

if you liked my reading please consider checking out my paid readings! there is barely any topic I will say no to and with every penny you are helping me!

pile seven : - lunch !

𐙚 : two of swords reversed, the hermit reversed

bottom of the deck: six of swords

♡ ⢷Yes or No?

No, but you can definitely change this. Just don’t let opportunities slip out from under your hand.

♡ ⢷Why?

Put yourself out there more. You are introverted to the point it’s harming your health, both mentally and otherwise.

— ✮⋆˙ ‘hello sweetie with the long face’ , fanfics , boredom , white nails - frenchies most likely - , if you seek amy - britney spears , kali uchis , sasuke uchiha (king) , strawberries & pies , jungwon biased 🫵🏻 , ‘standing on business’ , 3D - JK

I would bet good stickers on the fact that most of y’all asked about your future spouse. thank you for reading.

if you liked my reading please consider checking out my paid readings! there is barely any topic I will say no to and with every penny you are helping me!

pile eight : - window !!

𐙚 : five of wands, temperance reversed, the lovers

bottom of the deck: the chariot reversed

♡ ⢷Yes or No?

Sorry but no.

♡ ⢷Why?

You genuinely need to love yourself a little more. You are constantly at war with yourself and you are losing. Love yourself enough to win.

— ✮⋆˙ cherubs , chubby cheeks , crooked nose , red glasses , fuzzy socks / pjs , black kittens , new earrings / piercings , bunnies , honey & peaches & cream - food!!!! get your mind our of the gutter - , 10/10 , braces , itchy eyes , fake lashes , cracking bones - spine and knuckles -

I know it sucks to hear ‘love yourself more’ bc it’s annoying but this was not said with bad intentions. thank you for reading.

if you liked my reading please consider checking out my paid readings! there is barely any topic I will say no to and with every penny you are helping me!

pile nine : - rose water

𐙚 : Two of Cups reversed, Seven of Swords

bottom of the deck: four of pentacles

♡ ⢷Yes or No?

A very gentle no.

♡ ⢷Why?

It’s just a much more scary / bothersome path than what you would think so. You are very trusting and have a too forgiving heart. Some people can just unfortunately take advantage of that.

— ✮⋆˙ under 18 🫵🏻 , acting , theatre , wanting to be in spotlight but being unsure about it , asking about crushes , having a favourite teddy / plush , bridgit mendler , tiktok , kesha , early 00s / early 10s , big doe / dolly eyes , big bang theory

I just wanna say that the spirit guides for this pile are so motherly 😞 this is my first time having a pile that consists of kiddos and adults all connected to their innerchild !! the energy here is so warm and nice 💓 I of course mean this from a good place of heart, it reminded me of a childhood home sort of feeling. thank you for reading.

if you liked my reading please consider checking out my paid readings! there is barely any topic I will say no to and with every penny you are helping me!

[theforgottenmcrmy]

live reactions to house of the dragon season 2, episode 2

once again, these are just my opinions (about a fictional show and characters, no less). I will not engage with incendiary arguments (if there are any) , but I am always open to polite discussions or thoughts🖤

spoilers below the cut

still loving this new intro🖤

can you imagine how terrifying it would be to be a servant in the Red Keep post 🩸 and 🧀?

Aegon’s voice literally doesn’t even sound like Aegon👀

And just WHERE have you been, Aemond?!

“We mustn’t me shaken by this.” BROOO are you kidding me?!?! That was your great grandson?

“The gods punish us. They punish me.” Yes.

Tyland I can’t even with you lmao-

Paranoid Aegon here we go…

I will give Aegon major kudos for initially objecting to Otto’s plan to parade about his son’s body. 💚 his instincts are there at times, he has just always been coddled, misguided, and not reprimanded when he needed to be.

Why is Aegon the only one spared from this parade? They 110% could have had her refrain from going out in public, and it might have been more effective. “The queen is so distraught, she is unable to leave her chambers.” Where’s the lie? And you spare that poor girl even more torture.

Helaena never wanted this, never wanted to be queen.💔 She’s not a queen who lost a prince, she is just a mother who lost her son.

Helaena is seeing something, I just don’t know what…

Where are the damn guards in this show?!?! So six go to unstick the carriage, you telling me you only have a handful of guards escorting the queen and dowager queen out and about in public?🤔

Daemon’s side eye I cannot😭😂-

Even Rhaenyra knows Helaena is innocent🖤

Anyone else’s Max suddenly run into an error at this point?

The fact that Daemon actually thinks it’s humorous😅

Godssssss this argument is painful but good, and it’s needed, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it💔

“You struck down a child.” The audible HURT in her words-

Baela has had a handful of scenes, if even that, and I already feel like we as the audience know who her character is and what she’s about right away. And her and Rhaenyra’s relationship dynamic is so honestly wholesome.

Whatever brownie points Aegon gained earlier are lost for him not having the balls to say even a WORD to Helaena, who ALSO lost a child, who, unlike him, had to go be paraded about the public for HIS political advantage.

Seeing Rhaenyra with her younger sons makes me seriously wonder what if🥺

Feeling guilty, Ser Crispy? Good.

REALLY? This b*tch really out here preaching about purity rn?! Gtfo now.

And NOW he’s pointing fingers?! Is this guy 35, or 5?!

“He’s murdered, on YOUR watch-“ is he dying soon? He’s dying soon, right? Honestly his death can’t come soon enough and I doubt it’ll even be this season-

Otto and Cole are probably the two most irredeemable characters on this whole show. Literally, team black or team green, I think just about every other person you can make an argument for. But these two have got nothing. Name me one thing, one expression of care for another that was not ultimately self serving for either of them in the end. I’ll wait.

“And Ser Harwin Strong?” BAELA KNOWS 🚨 BAELA KNOWS, and she doesn’t give AF, we stan🖤🖤🖤

This little relationship Aemond has going on is 🚩 🚩 🚩 where are this boy’s parents at-?! … Oh, wait.

“Where he does, he wishes to be his own master.” Rhaenys and Daemon just get each other. Their dynamic is so interesting.

“A week, or forever I do not know.” She sounds so unbothered😂😂😂

Uh oh Alicent, Rhaenyra may have just found a new bff👀 and it only took 16+ years

Seasmoke is that you?!?!?! Wait, what does this mean for Laenor though?🥲

Errors are STILL being made in the wake of Viserys’s death I see…

The dog’s reaction nooo😭😭😭

“The king is my grandson, and my grandson is a fool. He’s worse than a fool, he’s murdered innocent men!” You can say allll the foul stuff about Otto you want, and you’d be right. But he is not wrong in this moment. This reaction is valid, and in my opinion sound council. The delivery could be tailored to better fit Aegon’s current headspace, but Otto’s reaction is still valid here I feel.

Crazy how Aegon went from wanting the small folk’s approval to scoffing at the need for it.

“Ser Criston Cole has acted.” BOY if you knew HOW Ser Criston Cole has been acting-

Also crazy how fast Aegon went from being pissed with Cole being “in bed” at the time of Jaehaerys’s murder to praising him and putting him in a pedestal.

“It’s time the bitch queen paid the price.” Could Larys have his guys cut out HIS tongue now?! Please??? Literally no one but Aegon, who’s grieving, paranoid, and a little off the rails rn, wants to hear a damn thing from him. Not even his dowager queen booty call wants anything from him rn.

I think Otto’s gonna give himself a heart attack.

Yooooo, Otto realizing that Aegon is going to be waaaaaaay harder to control than Viserys ever was😭😂😂😂 I love it. I need more. This is wonderful.

“He made me king.” *Otto laughs.*

“You will regret this.” THAT actually may be the truest words Otto has ever spoken to anyone, any king, in his life.

Mysaria is already proving her loyalty, we love to see it🖤

Moral of the story is everyone, the Greens and the Blacks, need better guards like😅

If anything happens to Elinda-

Oooo, we’re doing this here and now?🥲

Ser Erryk died with more honor than Criston EVER had. And that is a hill I will die on myself.

Hell, even Arryk had more honor than Criston.

DAERON?!?!?!?!??!!?? LET’S F’ING GO

Oh, you can ask for the Tyrell’s to help, but something tells me you won’t get it👀

It’s honestly tragic as hell how Alicent was a victim of her father’s plots in her youth, and continues to be one as an adult. (I am in no way saying she has not made her own choices throughout her life, but I still stand by this statement.)

THE NERVE OF THIS MAN-

THE NERVE OF THIS WOMAN-

Okay, team black, team green, team small folk, idc- can we please all agree that everyone is anti-Criston Cole?

Aemond was not in this episode nearly enough for what happened in the last one.

[maguro13-2]

Darkness Reborn ~ Origins of the Ink Demon Final Chapter Pt. 6

[Holoska (Day) - Fumie Kumatani]

Maki Oze (15 Years old)) : Another beautiful day for me to workout! Cause this is how I look with these sweet rock hard abs. I guess being raised by individuals or gorillas would make me the strongest person ever to live. But I bet it's no surprise that I visited an isekai world through the Isekai Gate set up by the Self Defense Force, in which is still collided with Real World AU. Not concering that my father had stopped those vicious monster attakcs in Tokyo 8 years ago. This demon made of inky darkness named Inky Albarn has staged a diabolical coup to ovethrow the Kusakabe Legacy, an object that turns out to be created by the Time Eater and it reveals to be nothing more than a piece of data. That's real shocking for a demon that could easily make humankind and witchkind the arrogant jerkwads today in secrecy.

"2ND LIEUTENANT OF THE JSDF : MAKI OZE.".

Maki Oze : After years of graduating the Military Academy, I finally get to catch break from those isekai dweebs, who says Isekai is more practice and entering one's world. I got me strength, I served the military with the alliance of the U.S, so much for being an escapble creature after my older brother works for the Majo Detective Force. But it's a good thing that I have eaten all those protein before I'm gonna turn 16 years old. It's hard to be a girl at a young age like this. I'm just glad that after things turned out. Well, I'm wonder if I'm ready to face these yearnings of me training in the nude when they wanted to see my beefed up body. (gets up) Although, I did eat a lot of healthy stuff and eating a lot of protein that could really make me the strongest person in Japan ever could. Being naked and super strong is the best thing to come up with! I'm the most super powerful girl of Japan in Real World AU myself!

[Horse Neighing]

Maki Oze : Huh?! Who's there!? Are there any Isekai beings around here? Show your self! The JSDF is right behind me, so if I ever see you or I'm gonna crush with my bare hands! I got a perfect body right here and I'm not afraid to use it!

[Hidden Memories - Yutaka Minobe]

Maki Oze : Alright, you lucky son of b*tch. Where in the hell are you? I'm gonna let myself down and let a witness to face me. So tell me if I'm wrong or not. [behind her is King Arthur on his horse]

King Arthur (?) : Looking for me, missy?

Maki Oze : !? [dodges the attack] Woah! Who are you!? Are you another of those Isekai beings that the JSDF is looking for?

King Arthur (?) : So, you must be Maki Oze. A girl who works in the Military at a young age like this. And they you got the most perfect body with all your strength

Maki Oze : How did you know about me? You are King Arthur are you? You must be famous leader of the Knights of the Round Table.

King Arthur (?) : That's Knights of the Underworld to you. I only managed to find out that there was no Underworld, nothing but Shadow Puppets created from the Darkness. I've known Mordred, I've known Merlin, and I've know Excalibur and Camelot Castle.

Maki Oze : Of course you did know all of those things in the story of King Arthur, how did you know that the Knights of the Underworld were basically just Shadow Puppets.

King Arthur (?) : Because that b*tch Merlina the wizard was such a fool for Merlin, I heard the whole thing she wanted to ruin the Kingdom by attempting genocide to thinking that I was an illusion. Turns out that I'm a just shell armor of a human inside of me. I thought I was a shadow puppet controlled by her, but it turns out I'm a human inside of this shell they call it King Arthur. Merlin did not created me as shadow puppet. Merlin wanted to use me destroy all life in this world of King Arthur. I believe that blue hedgehog from another world proclaims that he was the one true King Arthur.

Maki Oze : So what was your last conversation with the one true King Arthur?

King Arthur (?) : Well...Our last conversation with Disney's Merlin was...

*flashback*

King Arthur (?) : Merlina! I heard the whole thing about you being Queen of the Underworld! I have no choice but to place you under arrest!

Merlina : Hey, how did you know that I was gonna be evil like that and get away with everything?

King Arthur (?) : I'll tell you why, the blue hedgehog you were trying to kill was the true King Arthur of the story. I knew it that he showed progress of being the true King Arthur he is and to think that the great wizard Merlin create an illusion that is me? Ha! Serves you right for tricking him into helping you and tried to cover the whole world in Darkness!

Merlin : You're such a pitiful wizard, Merlina. And you have been a very naughty girl.

Merlina : I just had it figured it out with evil plans, everything was great until that blue fur ball came and had to foil my plans of destroying my grandfather's mistake!

Caliburn : Correct! You used this one as a puppet so that you could drive Sonic and the Knights of the Round Table drive away so that you could murder anyone in genocide or homicide!

Merlin : And me that I was responsible for creating the Knights of the Underworld that were actually shadow puppets that Morgan used? I think not. You'll just have to discuss your punishment later

Merlina : I would have to and my evil plans were perfect! And If it weren't for you meddling medieval knights that foiled my plans, I would've gotten away with it too! Why do I always say that line from a cartoon? [gets handcuffed with chains] Huh?

[Chains Shackle]

Merlina : Wait? They're arresting me for being a villain that is dumb enough to destroy the world? What kind of punishment are you going to give me for this kingdom?

Sir Galahad : Oh, you'll find out shortly.

Sir Lamorak : To put you in your place.

King Arthur (?) : Meddling knights indeed. You did that say like it's a saturday morning cartoon. Alright, Knights. I owe you a favor for being a such brave knights and to thought that I was king of the Underworld, guess not. And as for this wizardly harlot for tricking and manipulating the one true King Arthur, I order the knights to take her away and give her plenty hours of Camelot Community Service...for life! [the knights drags her away]

Merlina : NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Merlin : [chuckles] Ah, Classic justice.

*flashback ends*

King Arthur (?) : And that is why the previous Sonic Villains were always being a criminal to justice makes me wanna go, "bleh"!

Maki Oze : Yeah, I knew that many of the Sonic Villains were too stupid realize that attempting genocide or homicide is the wrong thing to do, it's always something in the SEGA /Sonic Team Multiverse always something, and always do the wrong things. That's why they decided to keep this body of mine, so no hard things holding back and this time I'll be the one that is the strongest person.

King Arthur (?) : So, now. Have you seen this weapon of mine, I believe if I was the leader of the Knights of the Underworld, I would be the Knights of Shinra's world.

[Denouement : True King Arthur - Yutaka Minobe]

Maki Oze : Shinra? As in Shinra Kusakabe, the man who created his "New World" 1000 years ago in the Ohkuboverse? How did you know who he was, and how did you know about me?

King Arthur (?) : Because that's what we told about in 1000 years of death since the Time Eater destroyed in the Ohkuboverse in half.

Maki Oze : Oh my Goodness, I'm beginning to remember now, I was with Shinra and you a longtime ago in the Ohkuboverse before the Time Eater came and wiped everything that contain traces of Demon Vibe! It's all starting to make sense, if Shinra Kuskabe was Soul World's creature, and the first weapon that is your sword Excalibur, then King Arthur , the leader of the Knights of the Underworld, would be...

King Arthur (?) : True! Because this sega character, King Arthur, is no stranger to Real World AU and Shinra, behold and get a good look on the original me! The first meister that worked for Shinra for so long after the 1000 years of death. [takes off his helmet and reveals to be long blonde hair gentlemen; it's Arthur Boyle himself] Hey, Gorilla Cyclops. How you've been?

Maki Oze : No way! I don't believe it's you! Arthur Boyle! I thought you were dead when the Time Eater destroyed the Ohkuboverse in half. I don't know how to say this, but, we are officially back in business! But did you just called me Gorilla Cyclops, I remembered people not to call me that. Anyway, It's what they say, "Oldies but a Goodie". Just like old times.

Arthur Boyle : Yeah, just like old times. It's good to have you back, Maki Oze. [shake hands in agreement]

"Let's show those dweebs what it means business."

~ Eighty-Second Scene : The Return of Arthur ~

[flurrys-creativity]

Mettle

(n.) the determination and ability to deal with problems and difficult situations; the courage to carry on in the face of adversity

Pairing: Park Jinyoung (Got7) x Reader; Genre: Fluff, Slice of life, s2l, humour, a little angst; Rating: sfw, PG-13; Warnings: awkwardness, stress of baking a birthday cake last minute, Yugyeom is a sneaky little b*tch; Wordcount: 4.186; Prompts: (1) A is a wedding caterer and B is a photographer and they always keep running into each other at the same weddings. (2) “How many times can you say hello to someone before it becoms awkward?” (3) “You said you were a great baker, right? It’s his birthday soon and we need the cake for his surprise party tomorrow night!” [Bonus points if the person said they were a good cook. For cooks and bakers are not the same thing.]

Synopsis:  “How many times do I have to say hello to you before you’ll kiss me?”

A/N: A story for the last Virgo of the group! I present you a Jinyoung fanfic as a part of the Virgo-project from @got7writerscollective​. I had a lot of fun writing this one.

May 2nd, three years ago. The Winston wedding. That was the first time you saw him. The first time the both of you attended the same wedding.

You remember how you stood behind the buffet and helped the guests or answered any questions. You made sure nothing was amiss and cleaned any crumbs from the table so the buffet would still appear pristine.

You just rearranged some dishes when someone cleared their throat next to you, making you look up in question. 

In front of you stood a young man, dressed in a neat suit, with black hair and a hesitant smile on his lips. “Hello. Mind if I take some pictures from here?” He raised the professional camera in his hand and brought it to your attention.

For a moment longer you just stared at the camera and the man behind it before you nodded dumbfoundedly. 

You haven’t exchanged anything else on that wedding, both minding your own business.

Almost two weeks later, May 14th, you met again. The Turner Wedding. It was nearly like a deja vu. You stood behind the buffet, he cleared his throat, greeted you and raised his camera and you once again just nodded.

June 7th. The Smith Wedding. You prepared the trays and sent your workers through the crowd, when he once again appeared next to you. He grinned and greeted you with a raised camera. This time you actually managed to greet him back before you had to focus on your work again.

July 21st. The Gonzales Wedding. A particularly hot day and sweat dripped down at the back of your neck. You hated wearing your whole work clothes during those days since you always felt like you were close to a heat stroke. 

You had turned around and gulped once again a whole glass of water down. Thanks to the ice cubes in the liquid you had a short relief from the heat. You even put one of the ice cubes in your mouth, moving it from one cheek to the other, when someone cleared their throat behind you.

You jumped and turned around, seeing him once again in front of you.

“Hello”, he said, raising his camera as usual.

You awkwardly tried to move the ice cube around and greeted him as well, wishing a hole would appear in the floor to swallow you and your embarrassing self.

As usual you didn’t speak to him the rest of the night and for once you were actually glad about it.

June 15th, two years ago. The Fisher Wedding. You were short on staff and needed to serve as well as prepare the trays. Thankfully your best friend tried to help you as much as possible. Still, that wedding was one of the most stressful you ever worked for.

You had to force yourself to smile whenever you hurried around the crowd, nearly forcing the guests to take whatever snacks you had on your tray, so you could return to the station and prepare the next trays before your coworkers came back from their rounds.

You only hesitated shortly, when the well known throat clearing sounded next to you. For a second you relaxed and finally took a deeper breath again.

“Hello.”

“Hi, sorry, I’m a little stressed right now, but don’t worry and take your shots.” You smiled at him but turned quickly back to your work station.

“I can look for another spot, if I am in your way.”

“Don’t worry about it. It’s fine, really.” 

The first time you exchanged more than just your greetings and you had decided there and then you thought of him as a pleasant person to have around you.

Later that evening when the stress subsided and you finally had time to take short breaks your best friend stepped next to you, shoving a glass of champagne into your hand.  “Before you ask, we deserve this.”

You nodded shortly and drank the liquid with a few gulps. After all, you really deserved a drink after the stress you’ve been through.

“By the way”, your best friend spoke up again, glancing at you before her gaze landed on the photographer again, “I never knew you were close with Jinyoung.”

“Who?”

She turned to you and raised an eyebrow in disbelief. “Don’t play dumb.”

You scoffed. “I am not. Who is that guy? Is he one of the stand-ins? I don’t know their names.”

She stared at you for a little longer until something in your expression told her you weren’t joking around. “Park Jinyoung. I can’t believe you don’t know who that is.”

Something about this name felt familiar to you but you couldn’t place a finger on it. Instead you shrugged with your shoulders. “I guess that person is famous? Is he one of the guests? I talked to a lot of people though.”

“Ah, I forgot.” She sighed and playfully slapped her forehead. “You don’t even consider yourself as famous.”

“Because I am not.”

“You are the most asked caterer at weddings. People are basically fighting for dates where you can make the food,” she deadpanned and immediately shut your protests. “And because you don’t consider yourself as famous, you’d never think of him as famous. The most loved photographer during weddings. Apparently his pictures are to die for.” She added with a wink.

Your head snapped up and you blinked at her dumbfoundedly. You met this Jinyoung guy at several weddings and only now you learned about his name. That fact hit you like a slap to your cheek. “We never really talked much.”

“Oh yeah? You smiled and stopped working for a moment so you could speak with him.”

“No, no, I mean before today,” you whispered, lowering your head in shame. “Today was the first time it was more than just a hello.”

You looked back up, your eyes immediately drawn to Jinyoung across the room. He was immersed in his job, the camera right in front of his face, while he shot pictures of the newly wed couple.

From this day on whenever the both of you met at a wedding, he actually stayed near you for a while and used the chance to small talk. As long as you weren’t too stressed.

You actually loved the short encounters, hoping Jinyoung would attend the same wedding as you before you even got there. And you had to admit you always turned a little glum when he didn’t.

August 27th, last year. The Collins Wedding, or actually the wedding of your best friend. You had expanded your business, giving you the chance to attend the wedding as a guest and not as a caterer. Though, of course you couldn’t not check on your staff and the food, once you arrived at the venue.

You rushed towards the buffet before the other guest entered the hall. You knew the dishes by heart since you had spent hours creating the perfect buffet in honour of your best friend. Everything on this table was in consideration of her taste and allergies.

“All set and ready!” Your workers greeted you with a grin.

You nodded shortly and walked along the table, looking over each dish before you stopped and narrowed your eyes. Next to the bread stood more than the dips you prepared.

“What’s that?” You pointed at the unknown dish, your eyes still narrowed in suspicion.

“A dip?”

“It is not on the list.”

“Are you sure, boss?”

You looked at your worker pointedly, telling him without words that he shouldn’t question your statement.

“Okay, uh, should I just leave it there, or?”

“I don’t know what this is, bring it back into the kitchen.”

“Of course,” he nodded quickly and grabbed the dip before he hesitated and turned back to you, “uh, but I can’t leave my spot without someone else being here.”

“I am here, just go and hurry up.” You sighed and ushered him to finally move. Once he rushed away, you walked around the buffet, taking the position behind the table. You closed your eyes and rubbed your temple, trying to avoid the emerging headache.

Someone cleared their throat next to you and you could feel their eyes on your form.

“That was fast.” You said, sighing in relief because you didn’t have to work while wearing a dress. “We still need to talk though. I can’t believe one of you thought it was a good idea to..” You stopped mid sentence after you opened your eyes again and saw Jinyoung standing in front of you with a quizzical expression.

“Hello.”

“Hi.” You swallowed and after a long time you actually wished again to disappear into thin air out of embarrassment. “I’m sorry, I thought you were someone else.”

You could feel the heat creeping up your neck while you waited for him to answer you. 

“No worries.” He grinned at you, small crinkles appearing around his eyes. “You look different today.” 

He shortly gestured at your outfit and you looked down at your body.

“It’s not bad! Not at all! Just not your usual outfit.” Jinyoung quickly added and rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

“I’m actually a guest today”, you admitted with a shy smile, your fingers stroking over the material of your dress. “I just had to check the buffet. I’m a perfectionist and all.” You laughed and waved your hands dismissively.

Understanding dawned on Jinyoung’s face and once more his eyes roamed over your body, taking every inch in. He had never seen you in something else than your work clothes and the difference was a sight to behold.

“Y/N!”

You turned around and saw your best friend walking towards you. As usual she had a raised eyebrow and silently questioned why you stood behind the buffet.

“What are you doing there? I told you to take it easy today.”

“I know, I know, just a last check and Dan is back in any minute.”

“Why did you even take his place? You are not working today.” She sighed and shot you a pointed look before she turned to Jinyoung with a bright smile. “Mr. Park, I am so glad you could make it after all.”

Jinyoung smiled as well, being absolutely charming and polite, even shaking your best friend's hand. “Pleasure to be here.”

“I know you are literally working right now, but please feel free to just enjoy yourself as well. We have seated you next to Y/N should you want to eat.”

You blinked in surprise, hearing this fact for the first time. 

“Thanks for the offer but I probably won’t need the seat. I get better pictures when I walk around.”

Even though Jinyoung declined in such a polite manner and even stated a logical reason why he couldn’t sit down next to you, disappointment spread through your chest and you had to force yourself to keep on smiling.

“I understand,” your friend nodded, “the offer still stands though.” Her head turned slightly and she grinned even wider now. “Ah, Danny! Perfect, you’re back. Y/N, let’s go, I need you for the toast.”

With that she grabbed your arm and pulled you away before you could speak with Dan again.

The night went on and despite your designated seat and the delightful company you just couldn’t stay still and kept on wandering around, speaking with friends and family here and there, checking the buffet and helping with any games or speeches.

Funny enough, whenever you got up and left your seat, you somehow bumped into Jinyoung. And whenever you bumped into Jinyoung you always said “hi” to him with a shy smile.

He told you “hello” as well with a wide grin and you could have sworn it got wider each time you crossed paths with him.

After the nth time you greeted him and the nth time you basically fled the scene, you ordered a drink for yourself and a glass of champagne for your best friend and made your way over to her.

“How many times can you say hello to someone before it becomes awkward?” You asked and pushed the glass into her hand with a sigh.

“Why?”

“Because I am a moron and can’t say anything else apparently.”

“Oh sweetheart,” she giggled and hugged you shortly before she leaned back again and looked you in the eye, “you are a moron. But I assure you, everybody loves you because, and or despite of it.”

“Doesn’t help.”

“And you shouldn’t worry about it. Come on, Y/N, just enjoy yourself.”

You sighed and nodded, trying to follow her advice. Though it appeared to be harder to stop worrying when you continued the cat and mice game with Jinyoung throughout the whole wedding.

And even after the wedding, surely not a constant thought, but every now and then you still despaired remembering your awkwardness during that night.

February 10th, half a year after you saw Jinyoung the last time. The Bernstein Wedding. 

“Back to your usual outfit, I see.” Jinyoung appeared next to you and glanced shortly down your body.

“Hi”, you said dumbly and stared up at him.

Jinyoung chuckled lowly, again the small crinkles appearing around his eyes. “Hi.” He raised his camera, nodding shortly, and a wave of nostalgia hit you with that movement.

“Sure.” You smiled and stepped aside, giving him the chance to take a few pictures from your point of view.

You watched him getting into position and raising the camera in front of his face. He checked the scene on the screen, slightly adjusting his stance to get a better angle but before he pressed the shudder Jinyoung leaned down and looked through the view-finder.

“Can I ask you a question?” Jinyoung spoke up, even though he didn’t look up or turn to you.

“Sure.” You repeated the same answer and waited for his follow up.

“Would you give me your number?”

For a second you lost control over your facial expression before you composed yourself again. Still, you couldn’t stop gawking at him, not believing you heard the question right. “What?” Your voice was barely audible but Jinyoung heard you.

“I’d like to have your number. We nearly meet at every wedding I attend and I thought it’s strange we haven't exchanged our numbers yet.” He explained himself and finally straightened again, turning his attention to you. “So would you give me your number?”

You nodded dumbfoundedly and your body went on autopilot when he gave you his phone so you could enter your number.

“Great, I’ll send you a message once I’m home.” Jinyoung smiled and put his phone back into a pocket of his suit before he returned to his work.

But this message never came and you hated the fact that you checked your phone every morning, hoping the message finally came.

You didn’t even have the chance to ask him about the missing message because the few weddings you attended were ones without him being there.

Your best friend noticed the subtle change and literally forced you to go on a holiday. 

You only agreed to it on your own conditions because you didn’t want to leave the town in case of an emergency and you wanted regular updates. This business was your baby after all and it took you years to build it up like this.

Therefore you always kept your phone near you and refused to mute it, so you could pick it up when someone would call.

March 28th, a few hours after midnight. Your phone rang loudly through the dark and pulled you out of your slumber.

With closed eyes you reached for the device and accepted the call, pressing the phone against your ear. “Hmm?”

“Hey Y/N, did I wake you?”

“Hmm.”

“I’m so sorry but I really need your help.”

“Hmm.” You rubbed your eyes and changed into a sitting position. “What happened?”

“You said you were a great baker, right? It’s my friend’s birthday soon and we need the cake for his surprise party tomorrow night!”

“Huh?” Confused, you held your phone away from your ear and stared at the display, seeing an unfamiliar number on it. “Wait a second.” You stood up and walked around your bedroom, needing the movement to wake you up and help your brain to function.

With a sigh you returned to the phone call. “I’m sorry. If you’re looking for a caterer I’m sure I can help but this is my private number and not the business one.”

“I know, I know, but it’s an emergency.”

You nearly dropped your phone when your brain finally recognized the voice through the speaker. “Jinyoung?”

“Yeah, so, uh, can you help me?”

Stunned, you just stood in the middle of the room, not able to respond to him.

“You can come to the birthday party as well, if you’re free, of course. I mean, I know this is on such short notice and additionally to what it costs, I’d like to invite you,” he quickly added - a nervous lilt to his voice.

“Yeah, sure, okay. Give me a second, I need a pen and paper to note down the details.” 

Jinyoung waited silently until you gave him the go to speak again. “Thank you so much, really this means a lot to me!” He started to ramble. “So, it’s nothing big. We’re like maybe a dozen people and I know Jackson loves fruits, so if you could include those that would be perfect. Maybe the basic flavour could be vanilla or something that fits well with fruits. Are you able to make like three layers? That would be great! Uhm, oh yeah, Jackson gets back from work at six, so it would be great if you could make it till five. That’s enough time, right?”

“Which date?”

“The 28th?”

You glanced at your clock on your bedside table. Half past three in the morning. And the 28th. “Of March?”

“Yeah?”

“That’s today! How am I supposed to create a whole menu for a dozen people in less than fourteen hours? I need to go grocery shopping too!” 

“Wait, no, you don’t need to create a menu.”

“I don’t?”

“We need the birthday cake. You’re a baker right?”

You sighed loudly, rubbing over your face tiredly. “I’m a cook”, you whispered.

“You’re still able to help me right?”

The hope in his voice tugged at your heartstrings and you unconsciously started to nod. “Yeah, I’ll try.”

“Thank you so much!” Jinyoung let out a breath in relief. “I’ll see you at the party then.”

With that he hung up the call and left you to your spiralling thoughts. 

You had people work for you to bake and prepare desserts or any sweet goods, while you worked on the main course of any menu. You basically never baked, especially not a cake.

Even when your business started, you had avoided baking because of the precise measurements. Cooking felt simpler to you, mostly because you relied on your taste instead of measurements. 

You never were good with following instructions or the measurements of food. You needed to improvise with this one.

Instead of going back to bed you grabbed your phone and looked up fruit cakes to get a feel of them. You even watched a few videos of professional bakers and noted all the tips they got.

With the information you found and the details Jinyoung told you, you started to design a cake, hopefully worthy of a birthday.

The next time you looked up, was to the ringing of your 7am alarm. You groaned slightly and turned it off.

You stood up and stretched your limbs. Your gaze lingered on the design of the cake for a moment longer before you decided to get yourself ready and buy all the ingredients you needed.

Lunch time. And you anxiously sat in front of your oven, staring into it and watching your cake. Despite the great tips of the professionals you couldn’t shake off the fear of failing.

Once the alarm rang you jumped and hurried to get the cake out of the oven. You checked if there were still raw parts and made a short happy dance when you found none.

While the cake cooled down you prepared everything for the decoration and cleaned the kitchen as far as possible, hating if there were too many dirty dishes littering the area.

You carefully tested if the cake had cooled down before you started decorating it. Once you finished everything you stepped back and stared at the result. 

Not perfect but definitely good enough to be shown. You only hoped it would taste well too.

You glanced at the clock and noticed with relief that you still had two hours to get yourself presentable and maybe even take a nap.

You didn’t in fact have a chance for a quick nap. Instead you had wrecked your brain for choosing a good outfit. At last you had decided on something comfortable but good looking and got dressed before you left with the cake.

“Y/N!” Jinyoung greeted you excitedly. “You made it!” He took the cake from you and smiled brightly, motioning for you to follow him into the apartment.

You heard chatter from somewhere inside but stayed close to Jinyoung.

“The cake looks amazing! Thank you so much. I really owe you one.” Jinyoung placed the cake on the kitchen counter and turned back around to you. “You too, by the way.”

Immediately heat crept up your neck and you laughed nervously at his compliment. Before you could respond to it, someone else entered the kitchen.

“Jinyoung, Jackson just messaged me he got off of work. He’ll be here soon.”

You turned to the stranger, smiling politely after he looked up from his phone. “Hi.”

“Uh, hello?” He quickly shot a glance towards Jinyoung before he looked back. “I’m Jaebeom.”

You quickly introduced yourself as well and even added the information that you made the cake, though it seemed Jaebeom didn’t need that.

“Guys, where do you keep the blankets? We need to cover the presents.” Another guy stepped into the kitchen but stopped in his tracks once he spotted you. His eyes widened comically and he pointed with a finger at you. “You’re Y/N!”

You blinked a few times in confusion before you nodded slowly.

“You look even better in person than in the pictures!”

“Pictures?”

Jaebeom rammed his elbow into the side of the new guy and quickly shook his head with a telling glance towards Jinyoung.

You followed his gaze and saw how the tips of his ears turned red. He avoided eye contact with you and cleared his throat awkwardly.

The new guy ignored Jaebeom’s warning and Jinyoung’s flustered state. Instead he grabbed your hand and pulled you out of the kitchen. “How come his obvious crush doesn’t know about the photos,” he chided you gently. “It took him long enough to introduce you to us as well. He’s basically been talking about you since forever.”

Overwhelmed by the situation and all the information thrown at your head, you just stumbled behind this guy. You barely heard Jinyoung mutter under his breath that he would kill Yugyeom before he led you to another room and stopped in front of a bookshelf. 

He grabbed a photo album and opened a random page, showing you a few pictures of yourself. “Each time the both of you met, he took a picture and kept it instead of including it with the other photos and returning them to the couple. You have no idea how nervous he got in February because he wanted to ask for your number.” The guy, you mused to be Yugyeom, laughed loudly. “You should have seen him after he got your number. He basically freaked out and got too afraid to write to you. Gladly Bambam just took his phone last night and called you. We searched for a good reason and needing a cake is quite a good one.”

“Yugyeom.” Jinyoung growled, eyes dark in annoyance. “Get out.”

Without another word Yugyeom placed the album into your hands and hurried out of the room, leaving you and Jinyoung alone.

Jinyoung rubbed over his face in devastation and sighed loudly, closing his eyes.

You closed the photo album, holding it close to your chest, before you crossed the room and stepped in front of him. 

When he opened his eyes again, you smiled gently. “Hi”, you breathed, making the greeting barely audible.

Jinyoung lowered his hands and stepped closer to you, his eyes glued to yours, while a small smirk appeared on his lips. “Hi.”

“How many times do I have to say hello to you before you’ll kiss me?”

“I lost the count.” Jinyoung whispered and leaned closer to your face, his lips brushing over yours and his breath fanning over your skin. He placed his hands on your waist and pulled you closer with a quick motion, sealing your lips as well. 

“But I promise it will only be once from now on.”

© all rights reserved

[pink-peony-princess]

Thank you for loving me/S.M

"Baby, time to get up hon, you've got work in an hour," Shawn whispered in my ear, peppering kisses from my brow down to my chin. His calloused fingers- from his favourite hobby- the guitar- running up and down my arms.

"Mmm, morning," I smiled leaning up to meet his soft kiss.

"Is that coffee I smell?" I asked, sitting up slowly, pulling my (Shawn's) favourite over-sized sweater off the arm chair at the side of the bed and standing up only to be pulled into my favourite spot in the world, Shawn's warm embrace.

"Do you really think I'd be so silly as to wake you without the coffee pot at the ready?" he laughed, kissing my temple again, before taking my hand and leading me down the hallway and into the kitchen.

Both Shawn and I worked for the City of Toronto Fire Department, me as a recently qualified paramedic, and Shawn as a firefighter and paramedic. It had been a tough few months for me, the job was demanding and taxing, but I loved it, and I had Shawn and all my work mates to help guide me.

"Sit," he pointed to the barstool where a cup of coffee in my favourite mug and omelette was waiting.

"Ahhh I love you!" I groaned, flopping down in the chair, shovelling a piece of the fragrant food into my mouth.

"I take it it meets your expectations," he laughed, coming to sit next to me.

"Exceeds!" I mumbled around the next mouthful.

Am hour later and Shawn had dropped me at my station, before headed off across town again to his station.

As I made my way into the station the familiar sounds of saws, engines and various other equipment- once so threatening now seemed to welcome me home.

"Hey El." my work partner and paramedic in charge Jo called, coming to meet me at the locker room door.

"Morning, how are Eli and Felix today?" I asked referring to her two little boys.

"They're okay. Eli had a meltdown before school this morning at having to get out of bed, but once I reminded him that Mummy can't go to work and save people if he doesn't get up and go to school all was well. I swear if the kid doesn't become a firefighter or a paramedic himself one day I'll walk to the moon!" she laughed.

"Aw, he's so sweet, it's so cute how you're his idol, speaking of don't we have that school group coming today?"

"We were supposed to, but due to budget cuts'" she rolled her eyes "the department is no longer able to fund it, apparently it's too expensive and labour intensive to have people out of action."

I sighed," How are we supposed to encourage the next generation of they can't see it for themselves. I mean I became a paramedic because my school had a field trip to a firehouse."

"You're preaching to the choir here girl, you're preaching to the choir." she laughed, turning and walking out. I went about putting my stuff away before heading to the kitchen/common room where we all spent our time inbetween calls.

The day turned out to be a slow one and by eleven o'clock I was doing laundry- (only having been called out once) when Mo one of the longest serving fire fighters and overall cool dude appeared by the door.

"You've got a visitor El, there's someone waiting for you it on the apparatus floor."

"Thanks Mo, " I smiled, putting the clothes I had been folding down and heading out the door.

When I got to the apparatus floor, I was slightly shocked. There was Shawn, leaning casually against a Pilar waiting for me a brown bag in one hand- a bunch of sunflowers (my favourite) in the other.

"Shawn... What are you doing here?" I asked, still stunned.

He beamed running and picking me up.

"I had to come speak to chief Hachette about an arson case so I thought I'd surprise my girl. Do you have time for lunch?" he asked just as Jo walked out, stopping in her tracks. She looked so surprised I thought she was going to faint for a minute.

"And who's this?" she asked with a smile, coming over to stand in front of us where Shawn was still holding me.

"Jo meet Shawn." As soon as I said it I knew it was a mistake. A mischievous grin came over her face and I suddenly felt sick at all the intimate details I'd shared with her about our relationship on long nightshifts-mostly under duress, but still.

"Right so we're going to have lunch before we get another call," I spoke quickly, tugging at Shawn's arm to get him to walk before Jo had an opportunity to embarrass me.

"She seems nice," Shawn commented as we found a quiet spot to sit in the grass behind the firehouse.

"She is," I agreed as he handed me a turkey and Brie sandwich from my favourite deli downtown.

Half an hour later and lunch was done all too soon, duty unfortunately calling for Shawn leaving me alone to face the scrutiny of Jo.

"Girrlll, OMG, he's fiinnnee El. I hope you've locked him down cause I want me some of that," she spoke a million miles a minute running to catch up with me a la I made my way back into the common room and through to the laundry to finish folding the clothes from earlier.

"Well, speaking of," I dug around in my breast pocket, pulling out the engagement ring Shawn had proposed with over the weekend on a mini getaway to the Hamptons.

The scream that left Jo's mouth was louder than expected and sent the whole house into a frenzy. Mo and several of the other firefighters including Tiny and Bug to come running.

When they realised there was no actual issue they turned around grumbling about how we'd pulled then away from the basketball game theyd been placing bets on.

"So when, how, where all the details," she demanded grabbing my arm and jumping up and down. Just the thought of the romantic evening Shawn and I had spent made me giddy again.

However before I got a chance to response the bell went off overhead signalling an incoming call

"Main to 41... Possible GSW, 56th and Main."

I sighed.

It was probably some gang related drug issue again there were plenty of lovely people , but that side of town had a reputation.

"41 responding," I spoke into the radio on my shoulder l before running to the trick, jumping in and flicking the switch to the lights and sirens.

When we got to the scene all was well at first, the cops were already there assuring us it was safe to enter, however just as we were about to leave having treated a minor self inflicted wound a man brandishing a gun leapt from a concealed closet.

"Give me all the drugs you have b*TCH." He yelled before either Jo or I could take in what was happening.

"You know we can't do that sir," Jo spoke calmly. Moving to try to assess the man, who's head was bleeding heavily.

"I said give me the f*cking drugs b*TCH ."

He yelled again, storming towards me. The next few seconds were a blur, I heard a shots, there was immense pain in my abdomen and leg and then I crumpled to the floor, whacking my head in the process.

"El, El. Omg, stay with me." Jo panicked.

"41 to main we have an officer down, urgent assistance required for a GSW, EMS required now!" she shouted down her radio.

"Hurts," I gasped as the initial shock wore off and the pain hit, everything seemed to ache, my leg, my ribs, my head. The room was spinning and I was having trouble breathing no longer able to keep track of the flurry of activity.

Somewhere in the chaos,I'm not sure how long after the incident I heard his voice, Shawn's voice and at first I thought I was dreaming, but I managed to open my eyes and there he was, looking down at with with so much fear.

"It's alright baby, I'm here now, we're going to fix it up, you'll be just fine. Can you tell me where it hurts?" he asked.

I went to move, instinctively seeking his comfort, but he stopped me, and I instantly wanted to cry, more than I already was.

"You have to stay still Princess."

I let out a loud groan as he placed an oxygen mask over my face.

"El? Can you hear me?" I grunted, the effort of actually forming words seeming too hard right then. I could feel hands all over me, and as much as I just wanted to be left alone, I also knew , they were trying to help me.

"It hurts," I cried again.

"I know it does honey, but you're going to be okay. I'm here, and so is Connor and Jo, and we'll look after you, and then when we've got you all comfy we'll take you to get all fixed up, how does that sound?"

"Okay, lets get her onto the bed, and then we can assess her from there," Connor suggested, appearing by my side, with a back board and neck collar that Jo had brought over.

"Okay, we're going to roll you onto the board El just let us do all the work okay?" Shawn said.

I let out a serious of screams as they rolled me, gripping Shawn's gloved hand like my life depended on it.

"We'll get you sorted yeah?" Shawn tried to reassure me as they strapped me onto the bed so I was safe, and then starting to push the gurney out the door and towards the entrance of the ambulance which was no more than ten metres away.

"Shawn ," I whispered, tears falling down my face, mixing with the blood which I could feel was congelling on my face.

When we were in the ambulance Shawn and Jo attached me to the hundreds of leads which I was so used to attaching to others while I lay there helplessly.

"I've started some morphine," Jo patted my arm gently as Shawn pulled a blanket over my body as I drifted off into fairy land.

Ten minutes later and we were pulling into the emergency bay.

The automatic doors opened, where we were met with a hoard of staff, ready to assist, the first person being Brian, Shawn and my mutual friend and colleague.

The look of horror on his face when he saw that it was me on the gurney was unsettling.

"She's a priority one, bed four, resus," he directed Shawn, following behind. " What do we know?" He asked, starting to attach monitors and leads to me all over again.

"GSW on scene, while responding to an incident on the other side of town. Wound to leg and abdo, possible broken ribs and concussion." Shawn reeled off.

I wasn't aware that they'd even assessed me, clearly I'd lost consciousness at some point and I wasn't even aware of it.

I lay there mulling over this lapse in memory, letting the chaos wash over me like a wave.

The last thing I was aware of was Brian shouting orders at the floods of nurses, and Shawn standing helplessly in the corner, red-faced from crying, before everything went black.

"Ah, can you turn the lights off!" I groaned as I came to again, reaching to rip off whatever annoying piece of wiring was sitting over my face "My head hurts," I added as a dull.ache consumed my thoughts as Shawn's worried face came into view, his frame helping to block out the blinding light as he bent over the bed.

"Oh thank God I was so worried," he cried kissing me with so much force I forgot to breathe, making the monitor go crazy for a second. "How are you feeling he asked, stopping me from pulling at the thing on my face which turned out to be oxygen tubing

"What happened?" I asked,. I remembered the main.events but the rest was fuzzy, whether from my injuries or from the drugs I had no doubt been plied with I wasn't sure

"You were shot while on-call, drug exchange gone bad, you scared me so bad baby," he whispered, brushing hair out if my face as Brian made his way into the room clearing his throat to announce himself.

"Hi El, it's good to see you awake, how are you feeling?" He asked coming to check a few things on the monitors before flipping my chart that sat at the end of the bed open.

"So as you know you had two gun shot wounds, one to your left let and one to the abdomen, luckily for you they were both clean shots and we didn't need to do anything other than clean and irrigate the areas and stitch you up. You did however manage to fracture three ribs when you fell as well as sustaining a sizable concussion.

"So what does that mean work wise?" I asked. Shawn must have sensed my nerves, because he was sure to keep a hand intertwined with my, the other tracing soft patterns up and down my arm.

"We'll unfortunately, during the fall you fractured your tibia, which has left you in a cast, and pretty well imibilised, I'm sorry to say you'll be relying on this big guy-" he slapped Shawn in the back, "for the next week at least while everything settles.

You'll be in a cast for at least six weeks and off work from a minimum of two weeks with rehab worked in. Rest up El, give me a yell if ya need anything," he spoke to Shawn as he left the room.

"I'll lose my job," I cried, the thought of not being able to do what I loved terrified me.

"No you won't Brian said you'll be sore for a bit and need to rest, not that you'd lose your job, besides now you'll have a real reason to boss me around, I'll be your slave". He laughed covering .me with a blanket and lifting my bung leg to rest it in a pillow.

Besides when you're well enough there are some people who'd like to see you.

"Get some rest and we'll work it all out when you wake up.

True to his word, he helped me with everything, toileting, showering (which proved to be a challenge with the cast), dressing, getting up and down stairs, making breakfast, lunch and dinner, and forcing me to take pain medication when I was too stubborn to admit I needed it.

By the end of the first week though, I was miseeable,.not used to doing nothing but sitting in my behind.

"You my dear, need to get a coat on we're going out!" he announced, coming over with said coat and helping me to stuff my arms in.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"SSH, it's a secret," he grinned, before carrying me to the car and making sure I was all buckled up.

Half an hour later and we were pulling up to the firehouse, where a few of the guys were sat outside playing cards as we made our way (me hobbling haphazardly on crutches) into the firehouse

"Hero in the house!" Mo called out and they all came running.

"I'm so glad you're okay. You scared me girl." Jo sniffled coming to hug me.

"Ouch still a little sore." I laughed leaning into Shawn for support as she blubbered all over me.

"Well sore is better than the alternative.

If it weren't for this one," she pointed to Shawn "you'd be dead."

"You've got yourself a keeper,"Mo added with a smile.

"Well if Mo approves it must be true." I agreed. "I think I'll keep you." I added, causing everyone to laugh.

"Thank you," I whispered to Shawn when the others were out of ear shot.

"For what?" he asked.

"Just for being you and for loving me," I shrugged, snuggling futher into his embrace, feeling greatful just to be alive, let alone call this wonderful human mine.

[pinkpeonyprincessblog]

Thank you for Loving Me

"Baby, time to get up hon, you've got work in an hour", Shawn whispered in my ear, peppering kisses from my brow down to my chin. His calloused fingers- from his favourite hobby- the guitar- running up and down my arms.

"Mmm, morning," I smiled leaning up to meet his soft kiss.

"Is that coffee I smell?"I asked, sitting up slowly, pulling my (Shawn's) favourite over-sized sweater off the arm chair at the side of the bed and standing up only to be pulled into my favourite spot in the world, Shawn's warm embrace.

"Do you really think I'd be so silly as to wake you without the coffee pot at the ready?" he laughed, kissing my temple again, before taking my hand and leading me down the hallway and into the kitchen.

Both Shawn and I worked for the City of Toronto Fire Department, me as a recently qualified paramedic, and Shawn as a firefighter and paramedic. It had been a tough few months for me, the job was demanding and taxing, but I loved it, and I had Shawn and all my work mates to help guide me.

"Sit," he pointed to the barstool where a cup of coffee in my favourite mug and omelette was waiting.

"Ahhh I love you!" I groaned, flopping down in the chair, shovelling a piece of the fragrant food into my mouth.

"I take it it meets your expectations," he laughed, coming to sit next to me.

"Exceeds!" I mumbled around the next mouthful.

Am hour later and Shawn had dropped me at my station, before headed off across town again to his station.

As I made my way into the station the familiar sounds of saws, engines and various other equipment- once so threatening now seemed to welcome me home.

"Hey El.", my work partner and paramedic in charge Jo called, coming to meet me at the locker room door.

"Morning, how are Eli and Felix today?" I asked referring to her two little boys.

"They're okay. Eli had a meltdown before school this morning at having to get out of bed, but once I reminded him that Mummy can't go to work and save people if he doesn't get up and go to school all was well. I swear if the kid doesn't become a firefighter or a paramedic himself one day I'll walk to the moon!" she laughed.

"Aw, he's so sweet, it's so cute how you're his idol, speaking of don't we have that school group coming today?"

"We were supposed to, but due to budget cuts'" she rolled her eyes "the department is no longer able to fund it, apparently it's too expensive and labour intensive to have people out of action."

I sighed, "How are we supposed to encourage the next generation of they can't see it for themselves. I mean I became a paramedic because my school had a field trip to a firehouse."

"You're preaching to the choir here girl, you're preaching to the choir." she laughed, turning and walking out. I went about putting my stuff away before heading to the kitchen/common room where we all spent our time inbetween calls.

The day turned out to be a slow one and by eleven o'clock I was doing laundry- (only having been called out once) when Mo one of the longest serving fire fighters and overall cool dude appeared by the door.

"You've got a visitor El l, there's someone waiting for you it on the apparatus floor."

"Thanks Mo, " I smiled, putting the clothes I had been folding down and heading out the door.

When I got to the apparatus floor, I was slightly shocked. There was Shawn, leaning casually against a Pilar waiting for me a brown bag in one hand- a bunch of sunflowers (my favourite) in the other.

"Shawn... What are you doing here?"I asked, still stunned.

He beamed running and picking me up.

"I had to come speak to chief Hachette about an arson case so I thought I'd surprise my girl.Do you have time for lunch?" he asked just as Jo walked out, stopping in her tracks. She looked so surprised I thought she was going to faint for a minute.

"And who's this?" she asked with a smile, coming over to stand in front of us where Shawn was still holding me.

"Jo meet Shawn." As soon as I said it I knew it was a mistake. A mischievous grin came over her face and I suddenly felt sick at all the intimate details I'd shared with her about our relationship on long nightshifts-mostly under duress, but still.

"Right so we're going to have lunch before we get another call," I spoke quickly, tugging at Shawn's arm to get him to walk before Jo had an opportunity to embarrass me.

"She seems nice," Shawn commented as we found a quiet spot to sit in the grass behind the firehouse.

"She is." I agreed as he handed me a turkey and Brie sandwich from my favourite deli downtown.

Half an hour later and lunch was done all too soon, duty unfortunately calling for Shawn leaving me alone to face the scrutiny of Jo.

"Girrlll, OMG, he's fiinnnee El. I hope youve locked him down cause I want me some of that." she spoke a million miles a minute running to catch up with me a la I made my way back into the common room and through to the laundry to finish folding the clothes from earlier.

"Well, speaking of... " I dug around in my breast pocket, pulling out the engagement ring Shawn had proposed with over the weekend on a mini getaway to the Hamptons.

The scream that left Jo's mouth was louder than expected and sent the whole house into a frenzy. Mo and several of the other firefighters including Tiny and Bug to come running.

When they realised there was no actual issue they turned around grumbling about how we'd pulled then away from the basketball game theyd been placing bets on.

"So when, how, where all the details," she demanded grabbing my arm and jumping up and down. Just the thought of the romantic evening Shawn and I had spent made me giddy again.

However before I got a chance to response the bell went off overhead signalling an incoming call

"Main to 41... Possible GSW, 56th and Main."

I sighed.

It was probably some gang related drug issue again.there were plenty of lovely people , but that side of town had a reputation.

"41 responding," I spoke into the radio, before flicking the switch to the lights and sirens.

When we got to the scene all was well at first, the cops were already there assuring us it was safe to enter, however just as we were about to leave having treated a minor self inflicted wound a man brandishing a gun leapt from a concealed closet.

"Give me all the drugs you have b*TCH." He yelled before either Jo or I could take in what was happening.

"You know we can't do that sir," Jo spoke calmly. Moving to try to assess the man, who's head was bleeding heavily.

"I said give me the f*cking drugs b*TCH ."

He yelled again, storming towards me. The next few seconds were a blur, I heard a shots, there was immense pain in my abdomen and leg and then I crumpled to the floor, whacking my head in the process.

"El, El. Omg, stay with me." Jo panicked.

"41 to main we have an officer down, urgent assistance required for a GSW, EMS required now!" she shouted down her radio.

"Hurts," I gasped as the initial shock wore off and the pain hit, everything seemed to ache, my leg, my ribs, my head. The room was spinning and I was having trouble breathing no longer able to keep track of the flurry of activity.

Somewhere in the chaos,I'm not sure how long after the incident I heard his voice, Shawn's voice and at first I thought I was dreaming, but I managed to open my eyes and there he was, looking down at with with so much fear.

"It's alright baby, I'm here now, we're going to fix it up, you'll be just fine. Can you tell me where it hurts?" he asked.

I went to move, instinctively seeking his comfort, but he stopped me, and I instantly wanted to cry, more than I already was.

"You have to stay still Princess."

I let out a loud groan as he placed an oxygen mask over my face.

"El? Can you hear me?" I grunted, the effort of actually forming words seeming too hard right then. I could feel hands all over me, and as much as I just wanted to be left alone, I also knew , they were trying to help me.

"It hurts," I cried again.

"I know it does honey, but you're going to be okay. I'm here, and so is Connor and Jo, and we'll look after you, and then when we've got you all comfy we'll take you to get all fixed up, how does that sound?"

"Okay, lets get her onto the bed, and then we can assess her from there," Connor suggested, appearing by my side, with a back board and neck collar that Jo had brought over.

"Okay, we're going to roll you onto the board El just let us do all the work okay?" Shawn said.

I let out a serious of screams as they rolled me, gripping Shawn's gloved hand like my life depended on it.

"We'll get you sorted yeah?" Shawn tried to reassure me as they strapped me onto the bed so I was safe, and then starting to push the gurney out the door and towards the entrance of the ambulance which was no more than ten metres away.

"Shawn ," I whispered, tears falling down my face, mixing with the blood which I could feel was congelling on my face.

When we were in the ambulance Shawn and Jo attached me to the hundreds of leads which I was so used to attaching to others while I lay there helplessly.

"I've started some morphine," Jo patted my arm gently as Shawn pulled a blanket over my body as I drifted off into fairy land.

Ten minutes later and we were pulling into the emergency bay.

The automatic doors opened, where we were met with a hoard of staff, ready to assist, the first person being Brian, Shawn and my mutual friend and colleague.

The look of horror on his face when he saw that it was me on the gurney was unsettling.

"She's a priority one, bed four, resus," he directed Shawn, following behind. " What do we know?" He asked, starting to attach monitors and leads to me all over again.

"GSW on scene, while responding to an incident on the other side of town. Wound to leg and abdo, possible broken ribs and concussion." Shawn reeled off.

I wasn't aware that they'd even assessed me, clearly I'd lost consciousness at some point and I wasn't even aware of it.

I lay there mulling over this lapse in memory, letting the chaos wash over me like a wave.

The last thing I was aware of was Brian shouting orders at the floods of nurses, and Shawn standing helplessly in the corner, red-faced from crying, before everything went black.

"Ah, can you turn the lights off!" I groaned as I came to again, reaching to rip off whatever annoying piece of wiring was sitting over my face "My head hurts," I added as a dull.ache consumed my thoughts as Shawn's worried face came into view, his frame helping to block out the blinding light as he bent over the bed.

"Oh thank God I was so worried," he cried kissing me with so much force I forgot to breathe, making the monitor go crazy for a second. "How are you feeling he asked, stopping me from pulling at the thing on my face which turned out to be oxygen tubing

"What happened?" I asked,. I remembered the main.events but the rest was fuzzy, whether from my injuries or from the drugs I had no doubt been plied with I wasn't sure

"You were shot while on-call, drug exchange gone bad, you scared me so bad baby," he whispered, brushing hair out if my face as Brian made his way into the room clearing his throat to announce himself.

"Hi El, it's good to see you awake, how are you feeling?" He asked coming to check a few things on the monitors before flipping my chart that sat at the end of the bed open.

"So as you know you had two gun shot wounds, one to your left let and one to the abdomen, luckily for you they were both clean shots and we didn't need to do anything other than clean and irrigate the areas and stitch you up. You did however manage to fracture three ribs when you fell as well as sustaining a sizable concussion.

"So what does that mean work wise?" I asked. Shawn must have sensed my nerves, because he was sure to keep a hand intertwined with my, the other tracing soft patterns up and down my arm.

"We'll unfortunately, during the fall you fractured your tibia, which has left you in a cast, and pretty well imibilised, I'm sorry to say you'll be relying on this big guy-" he slapped Shawn in the back, "for the next week at least while everything settles.

You'll be in a cast for at least six weeks and off work from a minimum of two weeks with rehab worked in. Rest up El, give me a yell if ya need anything," he spoke to Shawn as he left the room.

"I'll lose my job," I cried, the thought of not being able to do what I loved terrified me.

"No you won't Brian said you'll be sore for a bit and need to rest, not that you'd lose your job, besides now you'll have a real reason to boss me around, I'll be your slave". He laughed covering .me with a blanket and lifting my bung leg to rest it in a pillow.

Besides when you're well enough there are some people who'd like to see you.

"Get some rest and we'll work it all out when you wake up.

True to his word, he helped me with everything, toileting, showering (which proved to be a challenge with the cast), dressing, getting up and down stairs, making breakfast, lunch and dinner, and forcing me to take pain medication when I was too stubborn to admit I needed it.

By the end of the first week though, I was miseeable,.not used to doing nothing but sitting in my behind.

"You my dear, need to get a coat on we're going out!" he announced, coming over with said coat and helping me to stuff my arms in.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"SSH, it's a secret," he grinned, before carrying me to the car and making sure I was all buckled up.

Half an hour later and we were pulling up to the firehouse, where a few of the guys were sat outside playing cards as we made our way (me hobbling haphazardly on crutches) into the firehouse

"Hero in the house!" Mo called out and they all came running.

"I'm so glad you're okay. You scared me girl." Jo sniffled coming to hug me.

"Ouch still a little sore." I laughed leaning into Shawn for support as she blubbered all over me.

"Well sore is better than the alternative.

If it weren't for this one," she pointed to Shawn "you'd be dead."

"You've got yourself a keeper,"Mo added with a smile.

"Well if Mo approves it must be true." I agreed. "I think I'll keep you." I added, causing everyone to laugh.

"Thank you," I whispered to Shawn when the others were out of ear shot.

"For what?" he asked.

"Just for being you and for loving me," I shrugged, snuggling futher into his embrace, feeling greatful just to be alive, let alone call this wonderful human mine.

[moonlightwinterdxxix]

The same anon here again but now with a tumblr acc seperate from my main for confidently leaving lil' asks around! 😎 (Hats off to you if you can figure out what my username means-) I have another request idea that I thought would be fun! You know how Jyushimatsu has his own Jyushimatsu boy, Eitarou? What if everyone has one too? (Maybe they're all Eitarou's new friends??) Cue to the Sexuplets not knowing how to feel or deal with being a kid's role model?? xD

Hey hey hey! I managed to finish this one, my friend!! 💛💛💛 Let me tell you this: this was a hard one to conceptualize because I never thought of seeing the sextuplets (other than Jyushimatsu, of course) have a little follower like Eitarou was to Jyushi. So this was a bit of a challenge for me 😲🤤😂 Hopefully you still like it! I tried my best to make it fun, but I guess Jyushi’s good attitude was just too strong to get shrugged off. The ending redeemed the story though.

(P.S, I used Detect Language for your username: It’s detected from Chinese and translated into Y I Matsuno???)

~~~

Jyushimatsu was prepared to address the elephant in the room.

But he didn’t, and so he continued to cut. He kept his focus on his scissors as their blades snipped through the sides of the picture, trimming the sight of grass and leaving the yellowish texture of the man’s baseball uniform. He followed the curve of his muscles as he cut, careful around his biceps and fingers as he reached that spot. When he finished this athlete, Jyushimatsu grabbed the glue and flipped the cutout around.

The glue hovered over the picture. But as he heard the silent tapping of thumbs against the phone screen, the elephant had grown too big for him to bear, and he spun around. “Ichimatsu-niisan, you don’t have to do that.”

Sucking in a breath, Ichimatsu shuddered. Then with his face crumpling, he broke into a frail whimper as he rested his forehead helplessly on the table. The phone in his hand chimed with a new notification.

Jyushimatsu faced the rest of the room, showing zero signs of discomfort on his face save for a single drop of sweat sliding from his temple. “Uh, niisan, I think it’ll be a good idea if we talk about it now.” This was a message he sent to the entire room, and all at once, his brothers shuddered in their own misery.

This was their misery: Ichimatsu was on Todomatsu’s phone, which was the worst type of curse someone with social anxiety could have—his whimpering was understandable. Todomatsu, on the other hand, had nearly puked fifteen separate times in the last hour, all because he had to stare at himself at Karamatsu’s desk mirror as he sported the painful glams of Karamatsu’s personalized fashion. That meant a black v-neck under a leather jacket, sparkling pants, strong cologne, and flashy sunglasses. Todomatsu looked ready to pass out.

His back to them, Karamatsu was lying at the edge of the room with his sleeves rolled down, one hand carrying the weight of his head as the other hovered right above his pants line. Beside him lay a wallet with nothing more than a coin—he groaned over the loss of his funds. Osomatsu sat next to him, openly weeping as he scoured through the pages of a list of job offerings that scattered around Akatsuka Ward. And Choromatsu sat by the wall, expression blank and frozen as his hand rubbed the back of a nonexistent cat (there had been a cat earlier, but it had scurried away after Choromatsu had tried playing with it).

For the last few days, this was the behavior of them that Jyushimatsu was quick to notice. Constant trips from a regular routine for Jyushimatsu always had the same results, with his brothers in petrified balls on the floor with muttered reassurances to themselves. Fake smiles saturated the atmosphere that it was no longer pleasant to Jyushimatsu, but he had let it pass for a while if it meant prying on their personal space. But over time it had become too hot to handle, and Jyushimatsu had vaguely managed to gather them up in this room at this very moment, waiting for the right opportunity to break the ice.

And waiting was forever. It was like a fever: the longer it wasn’t treated, the worse it got. He noticed this with all five identical siblings in the room.

That was their misery. And thus, how hard was it to ignore the elephant in the room?

“Please tell me what’s wrong,” Jyushimatsu said to them all.

His response was still the chirping birds from outside and the faint whimpering coming from their eldest brother.

Jyushimatsu knitted his eyebrows. “Oi, Osomatsu-niisan, please tell me what’s wrong. Ichimatsu-niisan, Choromatsu-niisan, Karamatsu-niisan, Totty!”

“Ugh! I can’t take this anymore!” Todomatsu finally exclaimed, yanking Karamatsu’s glasses from his nose and slamming it against the table. Karamatsu didn’t do so much as flinch as a reaction. “This is all your fault, Jyushimatsu-niisan! I will never forgive you for this!”

“Eh?!” Jyushimatsu screeched, the outburst catching him completely off-guard. “W-What did I do?!”

“It’s your stupid influence!” Ichimatsu bellowed, following Todomatsu’s example and smacking the phone against the same table. But unlike Karamatsu who let the status of his shades pass, Todomatsu was quick to react as he roared in horror, ready to tackle Ichimatsu as he tried containing himself while Ichimatsu resumed his raging. “It’s your darn, stupid influence this even happened in the first place, you pice of crap!”

“What influence?!” Jyushimatsu asked, entirely lost.

“Eitarō! That’s what!” Ichimatsu blabbered madly, standing from the table as he leaned down and got to his younger brother’s face. Their noses were a nudge away from each other. “If it weren’t for you being such an idiot when it came to stupid children none of this would’ve happened!”

“Why? What happened? I don’t understand what’s going on!” Jyushimatsu protested, slightly inching the scissors into hiding before any of his brothers could take it and use it for purposes outside snipping crafts. “What happened with Eitarō-kun? He and his mother had moved away again a few months ago already!”

“All of you, keep your voices down!” Choromatsu instructed, then added, “Jyushimatsu, take a peek outside, won’t you?”

“Eh? Um, alright?” Jyushimatsu picked himself off the table and brought himself to the window, and when looking outside, he was met with a very familiar sight. Five little boys of similar age ranges, all wearing different hoodies similar to that of the five brothers with Jyushimatsu in the room. All five were yelling at each other playfully, calling to each other the same way the one in their corresponding brother would address his brother.

Meaning, the one in green was slamming the head of the one in red. The one in red was laughing carelessly. The one in purple was trying to choke the one in blue while the one in pink tried to untangle himself from their chaos.

With the relief that none of them had noticed Jyushimatsu, he retreated inside the room again, where Ichimatsu and Todomatsu were both bowed down on the table with matching, glum postures.

Karamatsu sighed, his first time turning towards them. “Jyushimatsu,” he said calmly, “as you can see, it has nothing to do with Eitarō himself, my brother. But if you may have noticed...” He sighed again, getting up from the floor and pocketing his wallet. “Jyushimatsu. Your influence over Eitarō might’ve spread to so much more than him alone. He had a school for a moment, did he not?”

Jyushimatsu nodded.

Another sigh. “Jyushimatsu. The friends your little Jyushimatsu boy has ma—”

“Cod, you’re taking way too long!” Choromatsu interrupted, clicking his tongue in irritation. “Jyushimatsu, Eitarō’s friends learned about the rest of us after Eitarō befriended them in school. And now they’re treating us the same way that Eitarō was treating you. That’s all he needs to say.”

Karamatsu snapped his fingers, but it was not a little bit enthusiastic with his Karamatsu flair. “Bingo.”

“Eh?! Then what’s so wrong about that?!” Jyushimatsu exclaimed, a part of him happy for his brothers’ apparent attention and a part of him concerned over how that was affecting their demeanors. And maybe a part of him was envious too, that they were lucky in that department, and that he had graduated from it long ago after Eitarō moved away again. Even if the boy was fortunate in his romantic life compared to him.

“Isn’t that what you all want? Attention? To be looked-up on? How is this anything bad for any of you?” Jyushimatsu continued.

“I hate it,” Ichimatsu seethed, tone grinding. “I want a girlfriend or something, not someone young to look up to trash like me.”

Jyushimatsu faced him. “You’re not trash, Ichimatsu-niisan.”

“Whatever. I hate the attention. It’s too much pressure for me.” The notification beep from Todomatsu’s phone alarmed again, and Ichimatsu let out a screeching yelp as he pounced backwards like a startled feline.

Jyushimatsu shook his head, letting that pass for now. “How about you, Karamatsu-niisan? Choromatsu-niisan? Osomatsu-niisan? Don’t you feel honored?”

“I do,” Choromatsu answered, falling quite melancholic. “But I’m far from a good role model. Being a NEET is being a disappointment to a parent, and for someone to like being one makes me feel terrible for the pair that raised them. If they wanted a role model, they shouldn’t pick someone who gets too lazy when it comes to responsibilities and self-containment. They shouldn’t pick me.” He lowered his eyes to his lap, and for a moment it was as if he had the first realization that there wasn’t a cat there the entire time. “I’m a fapping loser that goes to idol concerts, scolding his brothers for their misdeeds. I shouldn’t be anything to him.”

His rising was strong for this one, Jyushimatsu pondered to himself.

“Choromatsu’s point is one with its sincerity,” Karamatsu agreed with solemnity tracing his sentence. “And I say that it too serves as my excuse. B-But, just...Tch...” Karamatsu crossed his arms, expression wrinkling. “You all call me painful, don’t you? If someone ever looks up to me, tries to copy me, then doesn’t that mean that they will become painful too? I don’t have any friends because of who I am, Jyushimatsu! Literally everyone I know hates me! I can’t have a little boy copy that example and end up in a place similar to me! Do you think I’m that heartless to want the world to flow in my currents? No! That’s selfish bullhooey!” He collapsed on the table and openly began to cry.

Jyushimatsu averted his attention. “And what’s your excuse, Osomatsu-niisan?”

“Oh, the kid thing is fine, no prob,” Osomatsu stated, voice muffled with his plugged nose. “I like having a follower—I’ve always ever been the god to an empty domain, and I don’t give a crap if the kid becomes a gambling NEET in his future. The other reason I’m actually doing this is because the kid’s got a sweet older sister with sexy-as-hell curves and a giant chest. But, uh...” He sniveled, dropping his face in his hands. “She got pissed because I lost in Pachinko—chicks dig winners but now she rejected me because of my debt in its four-digit amount!” He exploded into sobs.

“Cod, you’re the absolute worst, Osomatsu-niisan,” Choromatsu spat.

“So why are you all acting like this?” Jyushimatsu asked, indicatively flipping his palm. “What does switching activities have to do with anything?”

“We’re trying to throw the kids off,” Todomatsu responded, popping the collar of the leather jacket. He nearly hurled again before he swallowed it down professionally. “You know, kinda stir them enough that we’re gonna piss ‘em off. So they could leave us in peace and harmony.”

“Well, I don’t think it’s working. You’re all failing miserably.”

“For now, perhaps that might be the case,” Ichimatsu stated, returning to nonchalance. “But give it a little time. It might work out better than we expected.” He blanched at the phone screen. “Oh, Cod...! Totty, why is Yanagita on your freaking contacts...?!”

Jyushimatsu eyed them skeptically. “Are you sure?”

“We don’t know, honestly,” Choromatsu stated, pulling his knees to his chest and resting his chin on them. Mimicking Ichimatsu. “But this is our problem. Don’t bother yourself with it, Jyushimatsu. Just enjoy yourself all you want.”

He wasn’t buying it. “Are you sure?” Jyushimatsu repeated.

“Yeah, we are,” Karamatsu replied, lounging himself lazily on the floor again. “Give it a week or so, Jyushimatsu. You judge then.”

~~~

Jyushimatsu gave it a week. And in that week, things got worse. Worse for his brothers, to be exact, since Jyushimatsu was still living his life filled with sunshine and little Jyushimatsu’s treating rainbows like playground slides. Trips to the park for a run and a swim were fluid with fun, stretching his muscles as brimmed with power as they did on any other day. Jyushimatsu was the only one that was fine. The others were not.

As afternoon met its peak and dusk had been welcomed into the city, Jyushimatsu marched home with his bat slung over his shoulder, vocally shouting out a melody with lyrics he made on the spot:

“Happy, home-run king! I like your joy because it’s jolly! You make happiness go-go-go! Muscle, muscle! Hustle, hustle!”

Only stopping when he saw the five children outside the house gate again. But unlike the first time when they were beating each other up with the role play of their personal ‘masters’, this time they were all waiting there outside with sad expectations. Jyushimatsu found himself unable to approach them as he stood there with the next lyric hanging on his lips, the bat still on his shoulder.

The boy in pink turned around, noticing him. “Oi, it’s Jyushimatsu-san!” he announced.

The remaining four turned to face him, and with the attention that was drawn to him, Jyushimatsu was in no position to escape. And he didn’t think he could, because judging by the kids’ hopeful expressions and dejected eyes, he was certain that both his mind and heart will demand him to stay. For once, he was in charge of what his brothers couldn’t handle, which told a lot about them as people and the situations the Matsuno family could face. And he was willing to do his tasks for today, to learn more.

It was part of Jyushimatsu’s own concept.

Spinning the brim of his cap around, Jyushimatsu gave the children a wide smile. “Yup! It’s me, Jyushimatsu! How can I help you kids?”

But was that the right question to ask, he thought. Because the more appropriate one was: how long have you been waiting here?

“We’re, uh, waiting for your brothers,” the boy in red responded sheepishly, tapping his index fingers together as he bashfully trailed his gaze to the sidewalk. “If you’re going inside the house, can you tell them that we’re waiting for them? We were all supposed to play today.”

“Ah.” Jyushimatsu wanted so much to be in charge of that playing, but he held back on his invitation and nodded instead. He let his boots take him towards the gateway, entering the boundaries that the children had refused entering themselves. At least they still had the respect for privacy that his brothers (and himself, at times) lacked. “I’ll see what I can do,” he told them cheerily. “But if no one goes outside in the next fifteen minutes, you go home. I wouldn’t want you to waste your time on someone who might not come out.”

Because they had been already, since the moment Jyushimatsu’s backside had first faced their house that fateful morning.

“Alright, we promise,” said the boy in purple, and all the others nodded their approval.

“Good kids,” Jyushimatsu complimented, then went towards their house with no more delay. He slammed the door open with all his enthusiasm, and calling out an, “I’M HOME-MUSCLE!!!” he let himself in, whooping as he tossed off his bat and began untying his shoes. He intentionally left the door open so the children may monitor his progress.

“Welcome home, my dear brother Jyushimatsu!”

Jyushimatsu halted his progress, lifting his chin towards the empty corridor. For it was not the deep, theatrical vowels that made Karamatsu’s cadence that returned his warm greeting, but Todomatsu’s exaggerated jovial pipe. With a glance he sent to his behind, the children were just as befuddled by the situation as he was.

“Totty? Was that you? Can you come out?” He was sure to make his voice louder than any of Akatsuka Ward’s flows of nature.

“Ah, my big brother! I’d rather remain where I am! Thank you though, for offering.”

Jyushimatsu gulped. He positioned his boots with the rest of their shoes and let himself in, this time deciding to shut the door before the children receive broken hearts created by their very own masters. He was straight away peering into the living room, where the week’s earlier conundrum was transformed from cringing individuals into absolute clones. It was both fascinating and terrifying all at once, and Jyushimatsu was the one at a loss for words as he continued to view them.

Ichimatsu was happily handling Todomatsu’s phone like it was made of love instead of hellfire. He was smiling the same way he did when they were third-years, with his hair only slightly ruffled, his voice far from its baritone. With the complete absence of nausea, Todomatsu was admiring his reflection in the mirror again, mimicking Karamatsu’s speaking patterns as he carefully adjusted his bangs, looking at himself through the blue world formed by Karamatsu’s sunglasses.

Karamatsu was on his stomach, legs swinging, nose bleeding. He chuckled giddily to himself as he flipped through the pages of one of the mangas they had stored in the house, where plastered on the pages were an unhealthy amount of naked men and women with interacting skin. Osomatsu sat next to him, grumbling and shaking his own head at his annoyance over Karamatsu’s behavior, a notebook in his hand. And Choromatsu was at the corner of the room facing the wall, lying down without a breath in sight. He looked almost dead.

And all of it looked fake.

Jyushimatsu deflated. “Don’t be like this, please,” he said to them, smile dipping entirely. “This isn’t going to help you at all.”

“Eh? What do you mean, Jyushimatsu?” Ichimatsu asked, sounding painfully too similar to how he spoke back when they were eighteen. “Why would you think that help is something we need at all?” The phone chimed, and Ichimatsu excitedly looked through it.

Unfazed, Jyushimatsu narrowed his eyes at him. “C’mon. You know exactly what I mean, Ichimatsu-niisan.”

“And you see that it’s working, right?” Karamatsu grinned, rubbing a finger under his bloody nose. “One week indoors, and everything’s turning out fine and dandy.”

“No it’s not!” Jyushimatsu contradicted, spreading his hands. “You’re letting down the hopes of little children by completely ignoring them! You’re crushing their dreams! You never know—the reason they’re so happy is because they’ve never learned how it was to be truly happy before!”

“That’s not possible,” Choromatsu deadpanned, barely moving. “None of us would make anyone feel happy. Well, except you, Jyushimatsu. You’ve made a small boy happy once and a girl too. The rest of us are human trash.”

“That’s not true,” Jyushimatsu countered, taking his cap off and squeezing it apprehensively. “All of you managed to make someone happy before. You might not know it, but with the number of people here in Akatsuka Ward, there’s at least one person you’ve given joy. And to be able to do that, to offer happiness like that, I bet that’s what those children want to learn from you.”

The room’s atmosphere shifted, the personas drawn up dwindling slightly.

“Name one person any of us had ever made happy, Jyushimatsu,” Osomatsu challenged, breaking the tension brimming the air.

“Aside from each other? Well then.” Jyushimatsu cleared his throat as he sat himself at the table, right between Ichimatsu and Todomatsu. The former didn’t look invested in his messaging as the latter had stopped admiring himself and was staring at the surface of the table.

“Osomatsu-niisan,” Jyushimatsu began, “when we were kids, you gave equal relief to both Iyami and Kemunpas when you took the caterpillar off Iyami and brought Kemunpas to a nice set of trees in the park. But gratitude was more evident for Kemunpas since he had been very hungry that day, and for you to be so nice as to give him a lot of food is something that made him feel better. You made him happy. And for a while, you gave Iyami relief as well because the earth knows how scared he is of insects. So there. That’s one, Osomatsu-niisan.”

Osomatsu dipped his head, shaking it slightly.

“Karamatsu-niisan, remember that week after you and that ugly flower girl almost got married?” Jyushimatsu continued. “When we went to visit Chibita at the oden stand, and still that week we all noticed how salty the oden was? Well, after the rest of us decided to go ahead home, you chose to stay a little longer to talk to Chibita and ask if he was alright. Of course since none of the rest of us were there, I couldn’t say that I know what happened. But for sure the following evening all the oden tasted better than before, and Chibita was filled with new life.” He darted his eyes over the two oldest sons. “That’s two.”

Karamatsu exhaled through his nose, folding his arms.

“When you were out to get kerosene, Choromatsu-niisan, you met the tribe girl,” Jyushimatsu resumed. “As happy as she and her people were giving you your needs, you returned the joy to her. There was a reason the two of you almost got married, right? That’s because you wanted to be together for a long time. And if we hadn’t crashed the celebration, you might’ve still been together today. But for the time being, you made her happy just the way she did for you. It’s one of the first romances in our family that nearly worked out.” He held up three fingers. “That’s three.”

Choromatsu hid his face in the corner of the wall.

“As for you, Ichimatsu-niisan, do you remember ESP Kitty? That experience speaks for itself. Actually, the situation kind of reminded me of the situation of Chibita and Gonta, if you remember that. It involved an argument between owner and feline, but it was because of the feeling of self-loathing and selfishness. But despite that, Ichimatsu-niisan, you always managed to offer cats with the kindness they never received because of their lack of ownership. ESP Kitty is the same. And now he’s the family pet! He loves you so much, Ichimatsu-niisan. He really missed you when you were apart.” Jyushimatsu smiled. “That makes four.”

Ichimatsu lowered the phone, and his head.

“Totty, you made Totoko-Chan very happy recently,” Jyushimatsu said. “Or, at least more understanding. But if it weren’t for you, she wouldn’t have given Kin-chan a chance. After Osomatsu-niisan exposed her during dinner, you were the one that followed to approach her, and as a whole we explained to her the status of our relationship with Kin-chan. When she needed to return, we were all surprised to see Totoko-chan arrive with a giant fish souvenir for Kin-chan to take home! And it was because of your initiative, Totty! You started it like a ripple, and so everything worked out in the end! Won’t that make five?”

Todomatsu took off the sunglasses and placed them on the table.

“See? You’ve made loads of people happy before! And I bet it's that simple influence those children want from every single one of you.” Jyushimatsu put a hand over Ichimatsu’s shoulder, another hand clasping Todomatsu’s hand. “But I don’t think it’s only about making others happy, niisan, Totty. I think they just admire how happy we are in general. We don’t let the world bother us, and when it tries to we always try to find a way around it instead of just plainly laughing it off. There are so many people who give in to failure so easily, but we don’t! So maybe that’s what they want!”

The room was all silence. It was Todomatsu who broke it, chuckling lowly, before saying, “Why didn’t we mention all this stuff when we were being judged for hell?”

“Um, slipped my mind?” Jyushimatsu offered, grinning nervously and sheepishly.

“That’s a shame,” Karamatsu chuckled, wiping off the red on his nose. “We could’ve been bathed with the kisses of angels might you have thought this roster sooner, Jyushimatsu.”

Jyushimatsu laughed, getting up. “Well, either way, it’s the truth. I don’t think it’ll be healthy if you go out to talk to those kids now, so just get yourselves together. I’m gonna send them home or something first, because it’s getting late. Then we can all have Mom’s dinner together! Okay?”

“Yeah, sure,” Osomatsu agreed, genuinely satisfied. “Tell them to give us one more week to think a little or something. Then we’ll accommodate them.”

“Okie-dokie!”

So he did.

~~~

After that one week, Jyushimatsu returned back to the house to find it empty. No sign of his brothers nor any children anywhere. His shoes were the only one present by their entrance, and their mother was hyperventilating in relief to find one of her sons actually returning home. She revealed that she was worried for even someone as self-isolated as Ichimatsu to be absent meant that they might’ve been in trouble. Jyushimatsu shared his worry, and had agreed to go out to try searching for them.

And setting out of the house for his second run that day, he saw them one by one.

First, it was Karamatsu at the park, clapping like a proud mother in her child’s talent show as the little trainee of his modeled off some Karamatsu-esque fashion near the slide. Though a few passersby were shooting them with pointed looks and horrified glares, neither of the two seemed to mind as they continued their little fashion show in their own joy. Jyushimatsu caught Karamatsu’s eye for a bit, and they gave each other thumbs ups before Jyushimatsu moved on.

Todomatsu was at Sutabaa with the kid, conversing with him in their own dessert-dinner. Though Aida and Sachiko often opted to make conversation with the youngest Matsuno, Todomatsu always kindly dismissed them and returned to showing his specific kid a few videos from the new popular trending app called MatsuTok. The kid was invested in each activity as he munched over the cheesecake prepared in front of him and the ice-blended drink at his side. Both he and Todomatsu were beaming.

Then at the alleyway, Jyushimatsu saw Ichimatsu with his own kid, tending to a few stray cats by giving them dinner. Ichimatsu was the one who poured some of the cat food in the bowls, and it was the child’s duty to give the bowls to the cats. The two of them had an entire kingdom gathered around them, and both smiled down at the sight as if they were the king and prince. Both of them were very happy, judging by the straight spine of Ichimatsu that he so seldom wore. And his light...Ichimatsu rarely had light in his eyes. For so long, they were always dead.

And at the book fair, Choromatsu was with his little boy, both of them looking through intermediate-age books specifically. Choromatsu had a pushcart as he gleefully watched the boy look through the collections of novels spread out on the tables and shelves, looking through titles involving wizards and witches, demigods and immortals, and a lot more. The cart was nearly filled with books, and it was a wonder how on earth they were going to pay for that, but it looked as if there was no issue whatsoever with the calm demeanors of Choromatsu and the boy.

Sighing, Jyushimatsu decided to retreat, maybe tell their mother that the rest of them were fine and could handle themselves. It was nice, he mused, to see all his brothers realize more about their happiness not only for themselves but to others as well. Goodness continued to spread, and it was a miracle that any of the Matsuno brothers managed to offer those sorts of kind miracles.

So as he spun his heels and began jogging off, the last thing he expected was to hear his name slicing through the winds like a warning sent from both heaven and hell, stopping him in his tracks before someone’s hand yanked his arm and dragged him off in a hurry.

“O-Osomatsu-niisan?!” Jyushimatsu yelled, managing himself and running alongside his eldest brother as they scurried through the city’s streets.

“Jyushimatsu, we’ve gotta hide! Now!” Osomatsu ordered, clearly distressed. His respective kid was nowhere in sight.

“E-Eh?! What’s going on? Where’s your kid?” Jyushimatsu scanned their surroundings as they ran.

“Yeah, about that,” Osomatsu began, turning green. “So, here’s the thing: we lied. We all lied. Or it was partially the truth, but the real reason why we chose to leave the kids off wasn’t because of the lack of self-appreciation, but because like what I said the other week, because of a hot older sister. So they kinda found us out and want to kill us now, especially me, because I kinda sorta...uh...”

Jyushimatsu’s stomach dropped. “You groped her, didn’t you?”

Osomatsu’s cheeks went cherry. “It’s a...long story,” he admitted.

Mood fouling, Jyushimatsu’s teeth gnashed against each other as he contained himself from strangling that neck in sight. “Osomatsu-niisan, I am literally going to kill you for...! Wait, what do you mean by ‘they’?”

Osomatsu looked ready for the ground to swallow him whole. “Yup, all of those kids have hot older sisters. But none of our other brothers had done anything remotely close to what I did, but with the knowledge of having five lookalike brothers they kinda formed a little mob of sorts and want our heads on plates. So that’s why I’m running for my life, you know? Though I don’t think it’s a bad thing to die when it’s a hot-damn babe that’s in charge of separating my soul from my body.”

Oh, the nerve. True as it may be, that effing liar. “Oh, you are do dead,” Jyushimatsu seethed, frown deepening. “I’ll take care of splitting your soul before any of their sisters could do that.” Jyushimatsu released himself from Osomatsu’s grip, and from behind his back he magically pulled out his nailed baseball bat.

“No, no!” Osomatsu protested, stepping back with his hands raised in surrender. “Please, man, let’s talk. It was a misunderstanding as it was a bit of wordplay. So don’t be mad, baby bro! I’m completely innocent here and I promise that—!”

“THERE THEY ARE!!!”

The two brothers turned. “EH??!!!”

“GET THEM!!!”

“What the—?!” Jyushimatsu and Osomatsu barely had time to react as a crowd of pretty (but mostly fuming) girls pounced over them and formed a dusty war cloud full of angry screaming and weeping protests. The nailed bat of Jyushimatsu got tossed out of the cloud as the screaming resumed, landing next to a set of four discarded unconscious lookalike bodies.

[beanenigma]

MAKE THEM FAT, YOU COWARDS!

A small guide to writing fat characters, by @beanenigma​

As a writer and an illustrator simultaneously, I have the incredible privilege of being a spy for both sides and comparing the community of both hobbies/jobs all in the comfort of my blog. And for a while I have been seeing something that makes me very happy: an effort from the artists to include bigger body sizes in their art - me included. But, on the other hand, I don’t see the same effort in the books I read except for tokens who don’t make that much of a difference to the plot and are only there for certain effects. . 

And even then, the only purpose them being fat serves is them being underestimated, weak, bullied or made fun of. So, with 20 years of being fat in my belt and having suffered through a lot of enraging fat representation in fiction, I compiled this list of things I would like you to remember when writing fat characters:

If you’re character is fat, call them fat 

Have other characters refer to them as fat. Have them refer to each other as fat. Fat is not a bad word… Unless you use it as a bad word. Going around the bush makes it feel like it’s something that should be hidden instead of a natural feature of your character, like being tall or blond. 

Getting thin is not the ultimate victory

 Nothing makes a fat reader feel worse about themselves than this narrative. Not everyone can or wants to get thin. And getting thin won’t fix all of their problems. Especially the emotional trauma of being told (and constantly reminded) the way you are naturally is unfit for life.

Also, getting thin shouldn’t be the only thing on their minds all the time. They should have hobbies and friends and other worries. And if losing weight is the only thing they can think about and plan for, they are probably sick and they need professional help. Eating disorders are real even if we don’t talk that much about them anymore. So keep watch on your characters if you didn’t intend them to be sick. 

Society? B*tch, please

Don’t blame SOCIETY. Society is an abstract concept made of people. People tell fat people shitty things and write shitty things in magazines and purposefully don’t hire them for TV and movies, not “society”. Name the enemy. We know who it is. 

FAT ≠ UNHEALTHY or UGLY

Fatness is not all the same. We are not all thin children that got fed McDonalds and somehow ended up like this. Some people have different metabolisms, genetic components, thyroid disorders, etc, but otherwise are perfectly healthy.

When writing AUs, science and historical fiction, remember in other times, fat had different social meanings. In renaissance Italy for example, the giocondas represented the wealth of the emerging bourgeoisie. Our ideas of fat are very conditioned to our place and time - that doesn’t make them the absolute truth.  

You don’t have to have one designated fat character. 

Make more! Make two! A hundred. Make secondary characters. Background characters. They are not points outside the curve, something that is wrong and should be handled like hot potatoes. They’re a large part of the world’s population (in 2013, there was an estimate of 2.1 billion obese people in the world). 

Choose the right bod! 

Like I said before, not all fat bodies are the same. The artists can help you with these and doctors can too, as well as women’s magazines (surprisingly). Choose your prefered body type keeping your universe and backstory in mind. also, personal choice, let’s normalize stretch marks, they’re so pretty and every girl has them, mention those awesome stripes please? 

Finally, fat characters are characters like any other - that also happen to be fat. They can and should have wishes, dreams, hobbies and relationships. The reader should be able to remember something else about them other than “fat”. Make them human. Please. 

Now, with that being said, being fat can be a great plot device as a physical obstacle towards some objectives. So here’s other obstacles for you fat character that would definitely be more interesting than what’s currently out there: 

Self-esteem issues

Not that we haven’t seen this before in media, but it’s normally caused by constant teasing and bullying. But the thing is that just like it happens to a lot of people with noticeable features, we are painfully aware of our weight at all times. There is really no need for someone to come up to us at our face and say “I hate you because you’re fat”, because we feel that constantly in everything that we do in society. Not that everyone lets themselves be taken by these kinds of stuff - I know some kickass models who couldn’t be more happy to have the body they have - but these things tend to collect a price on our self-esteem (big or small). So keeping that in mind might help not clutter your narrative with unnecessary violence. 

Medical negligence

I know fatphobia is a word people have a hard time believing is real (and I know it sounds weird), but it’s a real thing that happens. Just while writing this, I asked two friends and they both said that they had their concerns ignored by doctors that claimed their ailments would all be fixed once they lost weight. Both me and my mother had that happen to us as well. 

Not to say that weight can’t cause sickness (because it does), but people know their bodies and they know when something is wrong. Personally, I would find it hilarious if a fat superhero went to a doctor to try and find out what their powers mean, for example, and got out with the recommendation of a nutritionist. That’s some relatable content right there.  

Exercising is hard

I know. I know, it’s hard for everyone. But there’s a reason people tie weights to their limbs to carry around when exercising. It makes it harder. We’re carrying a lot more weight on our bones. Muscles get tired easily (and hurt after). Backbones are under a lot of pressure; feet are tortured; speed is decreased. So honestly, no need to trip on the way. Your fat character can run just as well as everyone else on the team, they’ll just get tired faster. Which is great potential for showing physical strength on their part, keeping up with them without showing discomfort. 

AGAIN, REMEMBER: Being fat not always equals being unhealthy. Not all fat people will struggle with exercise. You must decide what’s the case of your character. 

There are sports in which broader body types might be ideal - wrestling, for example - but they could also perform others and be good at it. And if you disagree, I’ll eat you. 

Clothes won’t fit/places don’t have their size

We all remember Mean Girls, when Regina gains weight and the lady tells her she should go shopping elsewhere. Sh*t’s funny, right? Not really. 

But this issue can go further than regular frustration during shopping. What if they want to be a cheerleader and there’s no money to get her uniform (despite them making the team and everyone else getting one their size?). Or, what if, as a superhero, they can’t find the right measures for a uniform that suits them? Or the right mold for knight armor? Or the right size of space suit to go out of the ship in a crisis? It makes you feel unwelcome, unfit, too much, even when people are doing their dang best to help. 

It’s a great opportunity for showing the perseverance of your character or introducing that awesome supportive character who understands. Still on the topic of clothes that won’t fit, here’s the places where normally there are issues:

Thighs and butt (mainly) 

Breasts (for inverted triangle girls, it’s common to have tight clothes at the boobs and loose lower). 

Arms (sometimes they fit but you can’t stretch your arms ahead or up without having the shirt going up)

Waist (and not necessarily belly; when things have a very slim waist, it gets crumpled and what’s down is projected by the belly.

Belly (if you really must)

Chairs are not suitable

Chairs don’t have to break to be mortifying to sit in. Personally, stools are terrible because my thighs go bananas over them. Swallow them whole, and I feel unstable. Some chairs simply won’t be comfortable because parts of me are not on top of them. Having to have someone bring you a special chair is humiliating. 

What if the spaceship was built for slender species? How about the conquerer queen who, upon looking at the pathetic small throne of the territory she just took over, splits it in how with her mighty swords while her new subjects watch in horror as she destroys millennia of history? 

So with those tools, I trust you will not be a coward and give us a thought the next time you’re thinking of your cast of characters next time.

Feel free to reblog this with your own aditions and follow me for similar content! 

[retro-rudy]

Logic- No Pressure Album Review

In summation of Logic's career, the foremost qualities that can’t go unnoticed is the dedication, respect and admiration the man has always had for the art of hip-hop. From the beginning, dating back to his Young Sinatra mix-tape series, in an era where trap beats were overtaking hip-hop, Logic arrived as a breath of fresh air with his conscious driven lyrics and entertaining flow, fueled by the boom-bap style he enjoyed from earlier influences such as Wu-Tang Clan, A Tribe Called Quest, and Mos Def. Logic lived up to the hype and expectations by delivering a successful debut album and painting a promising future, in which, considering how the industry measures success, Logic went onto surpass by reaching the heights of mainstream play and various award nominations with his next 2 studio albums. Amid the commercial success came the broader spotlight, the very one that emphasized his every move, and drew fluctuated criticism to an all-time high for the Maryland emcee. The challenges for Logic however were not the subjective opinions people had towards his music, but rather stemmed from the more personal jokes, memes, and the non-music related opinions that seemed to overshadow the music he was creating for audiences. In 2019, these unfortunate circumstances led Logic to step away from music and social media for some time with no public explanation to the reasoning of his hiatus. That was until the ever so unpredictable 2020 saw Logic emerge with a staggering album announcement accompanied by an unexpected retirement announcement.

Logic, returned in 2020 as many anticipated, with his 7th and final studio album, No Pressure. The joint announcement of album date and retirement came on July 16th, just one week before the set album release date. While the announcement was abrupt and left many with lingering questions, the 1 week wait would eventually lead fans to the clear reasoning of his decision through No Pressure’s foundation of honest and convincing lyrics.

Right out of the gates, Logic sets the tone and premise of the direction he will take the album on the opening track, No Pressure Intro. Logic applies audio from the famous Orson Wells “The Hitchhiker” introduction, which Logic chops and edits perfectly to bring us into the album. Within the edits, Logic cites No I.D and The Incredible True Story to give the intro a fun twist that adds the thematic touch many have grown accustomed to in Logic’s discography. The fundamentally ear-hitting boom-bap beat produced by NO I.D could not have been curated any better for Logic on the opener. Logic and the instrumental go hand in hand as he delivers bar after bar for over a minute and a half before reaching an abrupt interruption that catapults you into the next track. “B*tch I’m too alive, like twins in a womb, come hither, consume” and “But it cost a fee to be the boss it cost to be, over possessions like an apostrophe.” are some of the more standout bars on this intro.

           On No Pressure, Logic’s overall mood comes off positive, natural, motivated and unforced which benefits each song on this record in its own way. On songs such as Hit My Line, Celebration, and Amen, Logic’s unhinged and unpressed mind state injects everlasting life and validation to the long peace, love and positivity advocate. Logic’s comfort with his current-self shines through on Hit My Line with a confident, worry-free chorus and candid verses as he persuasively calls on god for a fixing of humanity. Logic’s positive drive has been a stapled message within his raps since the beginning of his career and the messaged remains well intact on Hit My Line and the entirety of this project. The confidence he shows when he says, “They say they don’t want messages in rap, it ruins the art. Well here I am people, yeah, now tear me apart.” further endorses his attempt of leaving it all out for this record with no regrets. Even on the track, Celebration, where Logic taps into his braggadocio side of rap to pen out the worry-free mindset he now has and how there is nothing for him to prove to anyone, you can hear the freeing mentality he has as he spits:

“It’s been a minute now; my style is feeling infinite now. Used to people pulling me down, it ain’t shit to me now. Don’t let it get to me now: threw out my phone, they can’t get to me now.”

These tracks dwell on a cheerful and flamboyant tempo that Logic ceases throughout the entirety of the tracks. The same can be said for songs like Dadbod, Perfect, and 5 Hooks, that show versatility in terms of beat choices and the ability of Logic to naturally execute each varying flow that comes off as effortlessly in this stage of his career.

           Meshed in with the collection of the more upbeat and elated-expressive tracks, Logic sprinkles in tracks built off well executed hip-hop samples that serve up a heavier dose of conscious articulated bars. Dating back to the Young Sinatra mix-tapes, Logic has never been shy to wear his influences on his sleeve, and tracks like GP4 and Man i is prove this to the be the case in present day. GP4, a nostalgic tie-in with Logic’s Growing Pains’ song collection, which we last heard on Under Pressure, contains a sample constructed from OutKasts’ Elevators song from ATLiens. Given the track record of various and well-respected hip-hop samples Logic has placed on each of the Growing Pains’ tracks, this one fits cohesively with the bunch. Much like the previous Growing Pains’, Logic leans on his story telling to paint witty and mental pictures of a variety of thoughts floating in his mind. From adolescent memories, to admitting his once determination of becoming the greatest rapper alive now being inessential, Logic goes onto acknowledge how the greatest rapper alive might not even be rapping and is instead stacking groceries at an ordinary 9 to 5 with no care in the world, resembling much how Logic feels at this point in his career. On Man i is, Logic’s maturity and growth flourishes among the inspired instrumental created out of an iconic mashup consisting of OutKasts’ SpottieOttieDopaliscious, Tarika Blues’ Dreamflower, DJ Screw and Pimp C. Logic self-reflects as he looks back on where he came from and what he endured, to which through it all has led him to this point in life where he can confidently say he is sincerely proud of the man he has become. In hip-hop it’s made well-aware that high expectations are to be met when paying homage to classics and Logic absolutely fulfills the task on this one in a form that without a doubt places Man i is among the most prominent tracks within his discography. Open Mic\\Aquarius III keeps Logic on the lyrical prowess and serves as a bridge for fans to connect with the bar for bar artillery the emcee has long had. The beat switch that takes place in this track is superb with the pure hip-hop cypher sound of Open Mic interestingly transitioning into the more jazzy and mellow Aquarius III. The high-volume of bars continues immediately on the following track, Soul Food II. The deserving sequel to one of Logic’s held in high regards track off his debut album Under Pressure. Logic retains the format of spitting a series of bars as he did in the original Soul Food. It’s warming and evident to hear the growth in both, his mentality as a human and abilities of his craft as an artist when you hear both songs in sequential order. In Soul Food II, mentally, Logic remains as humble and passionate as ever while sonically the tone and delivery of his raps resonate with the listener enough to have them capture and break down his every word. This along with the metaphors within this song is what prompts Soul Food II to standout on its own and give its predecessor a run for its money, and dare I say, maybe even edge out the original.

           On the last leg of the album is where I find Logic taking the listener towards the conclusion of the album on a pure, passion driven energy specifically due to the openness of Dark Place, and the spiritually motivating Heard Em Say. Dark Place is the first of its kind for the emcee as it is by far the most personal track Logic has ever released. While Logic has been open about personal situations before, it has never been to the degree and sentiment he lets out on the track. What was meant to remain an unreleased and personal track shares a transparent view of his feelings regarding the real toll the amount of negativity and criticism took on his mental state.

“Writin’ rhymes was easy before the fame. Now I’m constantly overthinkin’ every line, it’s a shame. Rap used to fill me with joy, now it’s nothin’ but pain. I’m stuck in the game, tryna get back from where I came.”

 The entire song contains some of Logic’s most honest and heart-breaking lyrics that transport you directly to the most difficult year he experienced as a mainstream artist. “I’d love to end this on some positive shit. Hit you with punchlines instead of some derogative shit, but it’s okay to be sad sometimes and tired of shit.. I guess.” Logic becomes as relatable to the listener as ever with his sincerity on here. And while the song might show vulnerability, it’s okay. In the end the fan and artist label are irrelevant compared to the human label we all fall under. Another evident example of the earnest connection between Logic and his Rattpack. Fittingly so, the best in my opinion is saved for last. Heard Em Say easily ranks in the top 5 of Logic's entire released discography for me. From self-producing the song, to writing one of his most heartfelt verses, the song sums up as one of Logic’s most range defining cuts from an artist standpoint. The 3rd verse on Heard Em Say is one of Logic’s best verses from his discography, and impressively so isn’t due to the depth of lyricism, but due to Logic’s infinite passion heard throughout the verse. Logic grabs you with every word and instills raw emotion and inspiration with a hopeful send off in quintessential fashion Logic has long been known for.

After Confessions of a Dangerous Mind failed to reach favorable appreciation within hip-hop enthusiasts, and his fan base respectively; the project left many wondering if perhaps Logic’s better days were behind him. With unfavorable reviews and criticism weighing heavily on the emcee, Logic spent the better part of 2019 and 2020 writing raps vigorously on his Louis Vuitton rhyme book as he mentions on the freeing Amen. Logic stated in an interview with Nick Huff Barili of Hard Knock TV, that No Pressure essentially came to fruition out of his essential love for hip-hop no longer being intact, before coming to the conclusion of ending his career and delivering a final project in the form of which he came into the game with, a project he would give his every ounce of love for hip-hop to, to showcase pure hip-hop built on a foundation of bars and verses made up of the emcee’s best abilities. With executive production from No I.D, No Pressure achieves this and sees Logic set the record straight in his place among hip-hop. In retrospect, while the time apart might have been difficult, I believe both Logic and fans of Logic in the long run reached a perfect ending of a prominent and inspiring career. No Pressure serves as a celebrated accumulation and reflection of the inspiring emcees’ hip-hop career, the final chapter that gives the fan closure and comprehension for his farewell. Logic is now free of pressure and has found happiness by obtaining the greatest blessing in life, family. Thank you for delivering us this classic, and the best of wishes on your future endeavor Bobby. Final rating: 10

[broomballkraken]

Title: Far From a Monster

Fandom: Fire Emblem: Three Houses

Pairing: Caspar/Marianne

Word count: 2516

Warnings: N/A

Summary: As Caspar is returning to Garrag Mach after doing some training in the surrounding forest, he comes across some mercenaries trying to kidnap Marianne. Naturally, he isn't going to stand idly by and let them take her.

“Whew, what a great day of training!”

Caspar grinned as he strode through the forest surrounding Garrag Mach. He had just finished a training session that lasted a couple hours, so he was heading back to the monastery, and he hoped that they were serving something good in the dining hall. Swinging his ax around all day had really worked up his appetite.

A light breeze blew by, rustling through the leaves on the trees around him, and Caspar closed his eyes for a moment to appreciate the quaint feel of the forest. The training grounds at the monastery worked well enough as a place to hone his skills, but sometimes Caspar liked to get a change of scenery while training with his ax, and the forest definitely provided a nice atmosphere.

However, the calming atmosphere was about to be quickly shattered.

Caspar’s eyes shot back open as a scream suddenly pierced through the natural sounds of the forest, followed by loud, angry shouts. Not letting himself pause to think, Caspar bolted off in the direction of the scream, and he made sure to pull his ax out as he ran.

As he burst into a clearing, Caspar’s eyes widened when he saw Marianne stumbling backwards in his direction, away from a group of five heavily armed men, and they certainly didn’t look friendly. Clenching his teeth, Caspar quickly rushed over and placed himself between Marianne and her pursuers, his ax held in a battle stance.

“C-Caspar?” he heard Marianne stutter behind him. He glanced back at her briefly to assess her for injuries. Luckily, she looked unhurt, but she was trembling and tears were falling down her face, and that sight alone made Caspar’s blood boil with rage.

“Oi, boy! Get out of here! We just want the girl.” Caspar turned back to the group of men, as the one he presumed was the leader sneered and took a threatening step towards Caspar.

“Stay back, creep. Why do you want her?” Caspar demanded, his tone icy as he bared his teeth at the group. Most of them laughed and rolled their eyes, and the man who had spoken snorted and pointed his sword at Marianne.

“We’re being paid to bring this girl to someone. She’s a monster, we’ve been told, and we’d be doing everyone a favor in getting rid of her.” Caspar’s eyes narrowed into a glare as his grip tightened on his ax.

“That’s a bunch of bullshit. Marianne isn’t a monster at all!” Caspar took a step forward and puffed out his chest, trying to make himself seem taller. “Leave her alone and get lost.”

“Heh, or what? You’re gonna beat all of us, pipsqueak?”

Caspar didn’t back down as the men started closing in on him. He glanced back at Marianne again, and the immense amount of fear that he saw in her eyes gave him the resolve he needed to fight back.

“Get him!” the leader said, and Caspar blocked two swords with his ax, while ducking to avoid a third. One counterattack knocked one of the men’s swords away, and Caspar delivered a swift kick to another’s knees, a sickening crack filling the air; he would have to thank Linhardt later for the tips on how to fight taller people.

As the man he had kicked screamed and crumpled to the ground, Caspar ducked to avoid another attack, but couldn’t dodge a follow up fast enough, and he ended up with a gash on his right forearm. He cringed, but steeled himself quickly as adrenaline pumped through him, helping to lessen the pain. Caspar was in trouble, as two men were charging at him at once, but one of them was suddenly hit with a blast of white magic and was thrown into the mercenary leader.

“Woah,” Caspar said, gawking as he turned to look at Marianne, whose shaky hands were held up in front of her and glowing with a white light. A grin crossed Caspar’s face as the mercenary leader got back to his feet, but did not press the attack further.

“Tch, this isn’t worth it. We’re not being paid enough for this kind of trouble,” he growled, hoisting the man whose kneecaps were broken onto his back, “This isn’t over. We’ll be back for the girl eventually, boy.” With that, the mercenaries retreated into the forest, and Caspar let out a victorious yell.

“Yeah! You better run! And stay gone, or next time none of you will be able to run away!” Caspar called after them, and he turned to Marianne just in time to catch her before she fell to her knees.

“Hey, you okay?” Caspar asked, his brow furrowing with concern as he gently lowered her to the ground. Her entire body was trembling violently, and her breathing was erratic as her eyes remained tightly shut.

“Easy, they’re gone now. I’m not gonna let anyone hurt you, okay?” Caspar said, rubbing his hands gently over her arms. Her trembling lessened slightly, and she took in a deep, shaky breath and let it out slowly. Her eyes opened again, and they met his briefly, before she glanced down at his arm and gasped.

“C-Caspar, you-you’re injured…”

Caspar followed her gaze down to his arm, and he winced as the pain returned, now that his adrenaline had worn off. A bloody gash ran from his wrist up to his elbow, but luckily it didn’t seem too deep.

“Here, um, let me…” Marianne said, her voice quiet as she held her hands over Caspar’s wound, and he sighed with relief when the familiar warmth of healing magic enveloped his arm.

“Heh, I should come to you for healing all the time. You’re much gentler than Linhardt is, and you don’t make smartass comments all the time,” Caspar said, chuckling as he watched his wound start to close. He looked up at Marianne, and his laughter faded when he saw how stone -faced she looked, and her eyes had become watery again.

“I-I can’t believe this happened…”

“What-”

“Y-You should have let them take me!” Marianne suddenly cried out, her hands shaking as they hovered over Caspar’s mostly healed wound, and he was too shocked to respond right away. What was she saying?

“You were injured because of me...I only cause misfortune for everyone around me...I’m a-a monster!” she continued, the trembling of her hands enveloping her entire body as she started sobbing. Caspar’s eyes widened as he watched her, and he was completely flabbergasted at her words. Marianne thought of herself as...a monster of all things? No way he would ever believe that.

Caspar didn’t know much about Marianne, and had actually never talked to her before today, now that he thought about it. She seemed very quiet and reserved, and he usually saw her alone when eating or studying. She also seemed to like hanging around the stable, as Caspar sometimes saw her doting on one particular horse when he passed by sometimes. She seemed like the most gentle and harmless person at the academy, and nothing like the monster that she claimed to be.

“Just leave me here...I don’t-” Marianne started, but she was interrupted when Caspar suddenly wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into a tight hug. He had enough of this...this self-deprecating nonsense that she spoke. Marianne was tense in his embrace, and he moved one hand to her back, while the other gently coaxed her head to rest on his shoulder.

“Marianne…” Caspar started, and he felt her start trembling again, “You are many things: Kind, sweet, weirdly quiet, soft-spoken. And I know damn well that you are the absolute farthest thing from a monster.” He paused and started rubbing her back as she tried to choke back a sob. It was a failed effort, and Caspar felt a wetness on his shoulder as his shirt became stained with her tears.

“I don’t know why you think you’re a monster,” Caspar continued, his voice dropping to a whisper, “and I don’t know why those bastards are after you, but if they ever try to hurt you again, I’ll make damn sure that they will never, ever have another chance to do so. You can count on it.” Caspar trailed off and he held Marianne silently for a while, letting her cry as much as she needed to.

When Marianne finally lifted her head from his shoulder, Caspar gently brushed away the remaining tears that stained her face with his thumbs. She sniffed and rubbed at her red and puffy eyes.

“S-Sorry…” she mumbled, her gaze dropping to the ground as her chin dropped to her chest. Caspar shook his head and gently slipped his fingers under her chin, tilting her head back up so that her eyes met his.

“C’mon, you don’t need to apologize. You must have been really scared, right? Those guys could have really hurt you.” Caspar said, “What were you doing out here all by yourself, anyway?”

Marianne folded her hands in her lap and a light blush crept onto her face. “Um, well, I like to come and feed the birds out here in the forest sometimes...And today, one of my bird friends seemed distressed, and ended up leading me to her nest. One of her babies had fallen out, so I helped put it back.”

“Aw, that’s really sweet, Marianne!” Caspar said, a bright smile crossing his face, “You really like animals, don’t you?”

“Um, well, yes…” Marianne mumbled, the blush on her face growing deeper, “B-But then I realized that I was much farther from the monastery than I should have been, and that’s when those men found me…”

“Well, I’m glad you’re okay,” Caspar said, pushing himself to his feet, “C’mon, we should get out of here.” He offered a hand to Marianne, but when she took it and he tried to pull her to her feet, she ended up falling against him, and he grabbed her shoulders to support her.

“Ah, sorry…” Marianne said, “I, um, c-can’t seem to stop my legs from shaking…”

Caspar grinned and turned around, crouching down in front of her. “That’s okay! I’ll just carry you on my back.”

“A-Are you sure?”

“Yep!”

Caspar glanced over his shoulder at Marianne, who seemed to be hesitating. But she eventually leaned closer to him and wrapped her arms around his neck, allowing him to stand up and get a firm grip on her legs.

“There! Are you comfortable?” Caspar asked, and Marianne responded with a slight nod. He began the journey back to the monastery, and they were both silent for a bit, before the silence was surprisingly broken by Marianne.

“Caspar...thank you, f-for saving me.”

Caspar grinned and turned his head to look over his shoulder. “Aw, it was really nothing-” he began, but he was cut off, as the sight before him caused his breath to catch in his throat, and his heart to skip a beat.

Marianne was smiling at him.

'Oh wow …’ was the only thought that ran through Caspar’s head, and his wide eyes remained completely fixed on Marianne’s face. He was certain that he had never seen her smile before, because he was sure that he would have remembered a sight so beautiful. Her face seemed brighter than usual, and Caspar could really tell that she was actually...happy. He suddenly felt his face heat up for some inexplicable reason. Huh...he hoped that he wasn’t getting sick or something…

“U-Um...Caspar...W-Watch out-”

“What?” Caspar turned to look ahead just in time to smack his forehead right into a low hanging tree branch. He yelped and cringed as he squeezed his eyes shut, resisting the urge to cover his face with his hands, as he did not want to drop Marianne from his back. Pain pulsed from his head; he was sure that a lump was forming where he was struck, and it was probably bleeding a bit too.

“Oh no! I-I’m sorry! I s-should have said something sooner…” Marianne said, and Caspar stood still as her hand moved to the front of his face, the soothing sensation of healing magic quickly dulling the pain.

“Ah, no, it’s my fault for not paying attention,” Caspar said quickly, letting out a sheepish chuckle. When Marianne’s hand dropped from his face to his shoulder, he felt her start shaking against his back. Concerned, Caspar looked back at her again, just in time to see her burst out laughing so hard that tears started falling down her face.

Dumbfounded, Caspar could only stare at her as he supported her weight and listened to that mesmerizing sound. He thought that Marianne’s smile was breathtaking, but her laugh..oh, he could listen to that laugh for a week straight and never tire of it. A broad smile slowly crept over his face, and soon his own boisterous laughter was mingling with hers. When Marianne finally regained control of herself and they both recovered from their laughing fits, Caspar watched as her face flushed a deep red.

“O-Oh! I’m sorry...I s-shouldn’t have laughed at that…” Marianne said, and she quickly averted her gaze when Caspar looked back at her again.

“Aw, don’t apologize. It was pretty funny,” Caspar said, letting out another chuckle, “Besides, it was totally worth it just to hear that pretty laugh of yours, Marianne.”

“P-Pretty?” Marianne sputtered, her voice barely above a whisper. Caspar watched as her gaze slowly drifted back up to his face, her captivating gray eyes meeting his teal, and he couldn’t help but think that there were many pretty things about Marianne.

“Yeah, pretty. I gotta come up with more ways to make you laugh like that. Hopefully ones that are less painful for me.” Caspar grinned as Marianne’s cheeks flushed a bright red, and she quickly hid her face against his shoulder. Caspar stifled his laughter this time as he started walking again, and he decided against teasing her any longer.

Caspar nudged Marianne gently by shrugging the shoulder she was resting on. He waited until she lifted her head slightly so that she was peeking at him with one eye, and he asked, “Hey, you hungry?”

“Um...I guess so…”

“Alright! Let’s go get some grub! I’m famished after kicking those creep’s asses!” Caspar smiled when Marianne giggled softly, “Oh, but we should probably go and tell the professor or Seteth what happened first.”

“O-Okay, I, um, I’d like that…”

“Great, let’s go!”

Caspar picked up the pace and practically ran the rest of the way back to the monastery, eager to get some food in him, but even more so to make sure Marianne was back to being safe from those dangerous mercenaries. They had called her a monster...what a load of shit. There was no monster that Caspar knew of that had a smile or laugh that could make his heart soar like hers did for him. She was more like...an angel sent by the goddess herself; definitely the farthest thing from a monster.

[kaywriteswords]

The Art of Purging...

There is something liberating about discarding old possessions. A freeing of space within our space and in our minds. I might not have believed it, if it hadn’t worked for me.

My hoarding was bred into me by a family who seems to never throw anything out. The most glaring realizations came when we had to sort through those things left behind by family members who had passed on. The aunt who died with drawers full of brand new items, but who needed frequent runs to the store for this or that. The grandma with several closets full of clothes, but who seemed to only ever have on the same 5 shirts. Then there is a room in a basement with two generations worth of random items from people who haven’t walked this earth in over 20 years and which sits, untouched.

Gramma passed in 2017 and one of the last things she wanted to do together was start pulling out boxes of her stuff to go through. The tiara from her first communion was in one of those boxes. She was 79. Guess where most of it, including that tiara, ended up… donated or in the trash. It was her stuff, she could do whatever she wanted with it. Some items were so old it rendered them useless and others had a sentimental value long since forgotten. Finally accepting the fact that she was dying (cancer is a b*tch!) and not being able to take anything with her, it ended up where it probably should have 50+ years ago. However, those of us who would survive her did keep several sentimental items because there is value in the memories some objects hold.

After almost 30 years of accumulating things and discarding the bare minimum, the amount of stuff I had started to overwhelm me. Faced with the prospect of trashing all my earthly possessions while on my deathbed one day, I decided to part with some of that stuff sooner rather than later. Not only does my home feel more open and organized, I feel a opening of space within myself to focus on what’s actually important to me. Here’s how I did it.

 The first and simplest step to begin purging is to have a designated donation bag or box. Something you keep readily available, but also out of sight so as not to create undue stress about adding to it. This should be a liberating experience. Place things into the bag and when the bag is full, donate it. If the thought of parting with some of your possessions in such a way is giving you anxiety from just thinking about it, know that you can also go back through these donation items from time to time. If there’s something that you REALLY REALLY want, pull it back out, put it away. No harm in keeping things you feel like you can still use, but in my experience those things end up right back in that donation bag. There was a reason you put it there in the first place. It can be a vicious cycle of self-doubt and wanting to move on. Each time you fill a bag or box, start a new one.

Deciding what should be purged can be tough. I started with items that had been sitting unused for  years. This can be anything for anybody depending on your lifestyle and hobbies. For me, it was accumulated kitchen items rarely or never used, supplies for projects waiting to be done and clothes, so many clothes. A few questions to ask yourself when looking at these items:

Have I ever used this?

When is the last time I used this?

Will I ever use this?

Honesty with yourself is a key component to this decision making process. Whatever you decide to keep will be allowed a space in your home. Decide if each item is worthy of that space. Some items came with a heavy price tag so you may prefer to sell them. Yards sales, garage sales or the internet are good places for that. If you do opt to try to sell, just make sure to set a deadline for yourself to get rid of it anyway. Otherwise, you’ll end up with things you’ve already decided you don’t need cluttering your life.

Deciding which clothes to keep, donate or toss was the most time consuming for me, especially when I had to try something on to make sure I really didn’t want it anymore. There are probably clothes in your closet that you do not wear, I had plenty. Maybe they’ve even made it out of the closet quite a few times for a potential outfit only to be tossed aside and left unworn. A shirt that hugs your arms to tightly or rides a bit higher on your torso than you’d like. A dress in an unflattering cut. Something that fits your body, but doesn’t fit your style. Put the item on, look at it in the mirror, tell yourself what you don’t like about it. Just because you wanted this piece of clothing at some point doesn’t mean you have to keep it now. When we evolve, our bodies and styles change too. If you can’t remember why you bought it in the first place then toss it in the donation bag. If you can’t find anything wrong with it, then and only then should it be granted space in your closet or drawers.

For bulkier items like kitchen appliances and tools, items that take up a lot of space but don’t get much use, weigh the value of having that item against the amount of space you give it. I liked my sewing machine. The idea of altering & repairing my own clothes seemed fun, practical even, thinking of the magic I could make with too large thrift store finds. After some practice, I was certain I was well on my way to becoming a thrifting, altering goddess. With clothes ready and the sewing machine still placed prominently in the middle of my workspace, it was only a matter of time. I altered one romper. One! Then the sewing machine sat there for months collecting dust. After spending a few more months moving it from here to there and there to here, it was relegated to the closet, where it sat untouched. I had to confront myself, Am I ever really going to alter clothes or was it just a nice idea?

The beauty of this life is that we don’t have to be just one thing. We can be anything we want and we can decide to change any time we want. I thought I wanted to be a seamstress, just like I thought I wanted to be a painter or sketch artist, a dog bone peddler. All things I flirted with, distractions from the calling I always felt for writing. Confront yourself. Dig deep. Here’s where that brutal honesty with yourself comes into play. If it doesn’t serve the ideal vision you see for yourself, get rid of it. Create the space you need to pursue that vision.

The painting supplies went first, then the sketchbook, then the dog treat molds and finally the sewing machine. They all went at different times over the course of 2 & a half years. That sounds like a ridiculous amount of time, I know, but getting rid of things is hard and we can only part with them when we are ready. Purging can be a long process depending on how much stuff you have and how long you’ve had it. The longer we’ve held on to something, the harder we can find it to let that something go. Whether it’s because we are holding on to an old piece of ourselves or someone we love or because we aren’t yet ready to change, that thing feels like it is a piece of us.

The painting supplies went to a mother who crafts with her daughters. The sewing machine to an old family friend who will put it to use. The other stuff was donated. Letting go of those things, I felt an unburdening. Those items were no longer distractions because they no longer existed for me. Plus, it felt good knowing that some of it was being appreciated by someone else.

You’ll have to go through everything and I mean EVERYTHING. Storage areas will probably be what takes the longest because this is where hidden memories lie and anything you wanted out of sight, but not out of reach. If you don’t have one cabinet or storage bin with knick-knacks, memorabilia, mementos, etc., then I applaud you, I truly do. But this isn’t the case for most people.

Take a look at what you are storing for future use. Don’t just look at a tote or cabinet as a whole, assuming you know what’s inside and leave it as is. Open all of them. Look at each item. Ask yourself:

What am I saving this for?

What occasion, life circumstance, event?

Is this something that will last over time or will too much time render it useless?

I have a lot of holiday decorations so having space to store all of these is necessary. Stacks on stacks on stacks of old newspapers and magazines, not so much. Keep the things you actually use.

Make your ideal life circumstance more immediate. Think about the reason you are saving a particular item. What do you envision as it’s ideal use? Has the time since passed that an item like that was relevant to your life? I had a black dress, classic girl’s night out LBD, and I was saving that bad boy for the perfect night. After a few years of waiting for that perfect night, I had gained some weight and the dress no longer fit. I kept it as a talisman to my old body and vowed that I would get in that dress one day. For years, I kept that dress hanging where I would see it daily, but that day never came. Even when I got back down to a healthy weight, my body had changed so significantly I was never able to wear it. It was donated with the price tag still on.

It is important to evaluate how much longer something can sit untouched before it’s useless from old age or is no longer relevant to you. Every day is a great to use your best stuff. Celebrate yourself. Try to think back to why you wanted this item in the first place. Have you changed in a way that makes an item useless to you?

Purging isn’t something that you can accomplish in one night or even one week. You’ll likely have to go through this process a few times. There may be some things you need to hold on to now, but in 3 or 6 months, after having saved it from the discard pile originally you might finally accept that the item is not for you. THIS IS OKAY! It is okay to get rid of things and you should. Change is good. Feel the burden lift, feel your space expand. After a lifetime of holding on to things so tightly, I was drowning in possessions that had no longer served a purpose for me. A person can only keep so much stuff. At some point you have to just let it go and trust me, it feels great!

Drop your purged items off periodically, then give yourself a pat on the back. You can even feel good about donating something that somebody else will be able to put to use. While donating is better than just throwing things in the trash, there are some things really do need to go into the trash. Face it, you’re probably not using it/wearing it because it’s raggedy AF. Nobody else wants your junk either. Look at that raggedy, broken, used up item and know it has lived its best life. Thank it, say good bye and drop it in the trash.

 I know how hard it is to part with our beloved treasures. When I moved from the one bedroom I occupied in my parents’ house into my own two bedroom apartment, it was like my stuff exploded to fill the space. I still don’t know where I had been keeping it all before. Instead of purging during that move, I found a way to keep it all. For almost 10 years I moved all that stuff around and reorganized it, trying to continue to fit it into my space along with 10 more years’ worth of newly acquired items. It was disorder so apparent that it seemed to be organized. I knew it was time to do something about it when I helped Gramma get rid of things she’d been holding on to for half a century or longer.

It’s in the nature of humans to always want more, like the number of possessions we have somehow defines us. With all that I’ve accomplished in the short time since I’ve finished purging, I try not to be upset with myself for not doing it sooner. With the extra space in my home, I was able to reorganize my kitchen storage, create a functional workspace and give my plants room to flourish. The energy changed because the space had changed. Even though it was the same apartment, it felt brand new. That’s what I needed. What you need is probably different, we’re all unique in our own ways. Figure out what you need and envision your ideal space. Once you have that first encounter with the bliss of eliminating what no longer serves your goals, I promise you’ll like it.

[kanasmusings]

[Translation] Lost Alice Drama Track 1

Woohoo! Here is ‘Lost Alice’ finally~  As usual, I’ll be referring to the characters with their names in the story. Also, a huge thank you to the Anon who told me the official English spelling of the characters’ names! That was a huge help ^^

Characters:

Shinomiya Natsuki – Charles Liddell

Kotobuki Reiji – White Rabbit

Hijirikawa Masato – The Hatter

Kurosaki Ranmaru – Cheshire Cat

Camus – Albert Liddell

Jinguji Ren - March Hare

Aijima Cecil - Dormouse

Under the cut as usual, enjoy~

[UtaPri Shining Masterpiece Show - Lost Alice Drama Track 1]

LOST ALICE - Act 1

ALL: “Lost Alice”

WHITE RABBIT: Are you Alice? A beloved child.

THE HATTER: Who is Alice? An unloved child.

CHESHIRE CAT: Who’s to say who is Alice or who isn’t Alice?

WHITE RABBIT: Welcome to Wonderland! A never-ending paradise.

CHESHIRE CAT: Goodbye, oh normal world. A paradise about to meet its end.

THE HATTER: Fall! Slowly and slowly…

THE HATTER: Deeper and deeper…

CHESHIRE CAT: Now, let’s open the door to a new beginning.

THE HATTER: Climb! Gently and lightly…

THE HATTER: Higher and higher until you reach heaven…

WHITE RABBIT: Now, ring the bell of the beginning.

CHESHIRE CAT: Is this a dream?

WHITE RABBIT: Or is it reality?

THE HATTER: Lies and truth.

CHESHIRE CAT: They go hand in hand.

THE HATTER: To part with something or to acquire something.

WHITE RABBIT: What we gain and what we lose is…

  ***

  WHITE RABBIT: It was a fine May morning, surrounded by beautiful greenery.

WHITE RABBIT: What a magnificent sight it truly is.

WHITE RABBIT: It was a fun and exciting picnic where the sunlight shines on, the forest is brilliant, and you can hear the laughter of various people.

WHITE RABBIT: Yes. All but one was having fun…

ALBERT: Charles! Stop reading fairy tales in such a secluded place. Go and greet everybody.

ALBERT: After that is the tea party.

CHARLES: Why don’t you just go and do it, Big Brother Albert?

CHARLES: Why do I have to do something I don’t want to?

CHARLES: Honestly, I find these creepy tea parties very unnecessary!

CHARLES: Reading your boring books is even better.

ALBERT: Would you desist already? This is an age old tradition after all.

ALBERT: You are of age already. You have to be aware of your surroundings more now.

ALBERT: Good grief. It’s bothersome that you’ve only grown taller but not more mature.

ALBERT: Today is a very important custom for the Liddell Family. I can’t just let you do what you want.

ALBERT: It’s a picnic to deepen our relations with our friends and families.

CHARLES: There’s no one here who really wants to see me.

CHARLES: I’m sure they’ll only be talking gossip as they always do while drinking tea.

CHARLES: I’m very different from you, Big Brother. I’m an unloved child.

CHARLES: All I need is you.

ALBERT: Will you stop already?! It’s because you act like that that they think you’re unusual!

CHARLES: …! That’s right… I’m unusual! I’m not perfect like you, Big Brother!

CHARLES: Please, just leave me alone! (Charles starts to walk away)

ALBERT: Wait a minute, Charles! The forest is—

CHARLES: I hate you, Big Brother!

CHARLES: Ah…!

ALBERT: Watch out!

(Charles falls down the rabbit hole)

ALBERT: CHARLES!!

  ***

  (Charles wakes up after the long fall)

CHARLES: … Wh-where is this…?

CHARLES: I fell down a hole and then…

CHARLES: …! I can’t remember…

CHARLES: It’s completely dark. Where’s everyone? Big Brother?

CHARLES: Is no one here?

(Charles hears White Rabbit running)

WHITE RABBIT: This is bad, very bad! I won’t make it, I won’t!

WHITE RABBIT: I need this and that! If I don’t prepare them, I’ll be in trouble!

CHARLES: What’s wrong…?

WHITE RABBIT: Uwah--! Wh-who are you?! (White Rabbit suddenly stops running and runs into Charles)

WHITE RABBIT: O-ow…! Oh my, if it isn’t Alice!

WHITE RABBIT: What are you doing in a place like this?

CHARLES: Alice? My name’s not Alice. My name is Charles Liddell.

WHITE RABBIT: What are you saying? You are Alice! What should I call you aside from Alice?

WHITE RABBIT: You came from the world above, didn’t you?

CHARLES: That’s true… I don’t know what this place is. I don’t belong here.

WHITE RABBIT: Then, you really are Alice~! That’s what you’re called here.

WHITE RABBIT: My name’s White Rabbit. Nice to meet you, my friend~

CHARLES: Eh…?

WHITE RABBIT: Anyway, Alice, this is bad! We can’t just stand around here. Time waits for no one, see?

WHITE RABBIT: (he takes out a watch) I was just in the middle of turning back the hands on this clock.

WHITE RABBIT: But… This clock is broken and won’t do as I say.

WHITE RABBIT: (he turns the hands again) See? Just like this!

WHITE RABBIT: I keep turning them and turning them but… it’s a futile effort.

CHARLES: Why are you in such a hurry? What’s going on?

WHITE RABBIT: What do you mean ‘what’?! It’s a big a problem, really, a big one! Time is of the essence!

WHITE RABBIT: Time is money, you know? No, wait, it’s even more important than money.

WHITE RABBIT: It can’t be bought with money and it disappears before we know it. It is a thing to which we lose our precious things!

WHITE RABBIT: (with a sudden change of tone) It’s too late once you fail. Once you’ve lost it, life won’t give you the chance to fix it.

WHITE RABBIT: I…

WHITE RABBIT: I’ve failed many times so I know it well…

CHARLES: Then, what should we do?

WHITE RABBIT: That’s why I’m hurrying so it won’t happen again! Just like this…!

WHITE RABBIT: Even if… it’s futile…

WHITE RABBIT: It’s better to regret its results than regret doing nothing.

WHITE RABBIT: You can’t get used to the feeling of losing something no matter how many times it has happened.

WHITE RABBIT: But… not knowing what’s going to happen next is destiny.

WHITE RABBIT: And yet, once it actually happens we’re not prepared for it! We can just accept it.

WHITE RABBIT: Even when we try our hardest, there are times when we just can’t do anything!

WHITE RABBIT: That, too, is… fate…

WHITE RABBIT: But, there’s something I have to do. It’s my duty, you see?

WHITE RABBIT: See ya. I have to get going soon.

CHARLES: Wait! Where are you going?

CHARLES: I want to know the way home. This place is strange and cold… And it’s scary…

WHITE RABBIT: (in a serious and foreboding tone) There’s no way out. You just have to move forward.

WHITE RABBIT: (in his usual cheery tone) By the by~ You’re interested in where I’m going so are you going to help me~?

CHARLES: No, I just want to—

WHITE RABBIT: Thank you, Alice! I really need your help!

WHITE RABBIT: Wait, no. It can’t get started without you there! Definitely be there, okay!? (White Rabbit runs off)

CHARLES: Ah… Wait a minute, Mr. White Rabbit! Hey, please wait! (Charles starts running after him)

  ***

  CHARLES: (sighs) I lost sight of Mr. White Rabbit…

CHARLES: I’m the one who needs some help.

CHARLES: Geez… I don’t even know where I am.

CHARLES: Tch. What’s really going on?!

CHARLES: (trips on a bush) Uwah! O-ow… What’s with this bush!? I’m really down on my luck today…

FLOWER A: (laughs) What a pathetic Alice. Tripping on a rock and rolling down. Serves you right~

CHARLES: (gasps) The flower spoke!

FLOWER B: Who decided that flowers can’t talk~?

FLOWER B: As if we’d keep quiet about something as interesting as this!

FLOWER A: More importantly, this time’s Alice is a little dunce, huh?

FLOWER C: Yes~ Plus, he’s very self-centred.

FLOWER C: Even though he just tripped on his own, he blames it on other people and he’s very irritated~

FLOWER D: (giggles) Yoo-ho~ We’re not really people though~ We’re flowers.

FLOWER A: This is my first time seeing an Alice like this. The ones before were elegant and friendly.

FLOWER A: Really, he’s such an unusual Alice~

CHARLES: Shut up! What would you know about me?

FLOWER D: He’s so harsh with words, too, oh my~

FLOWER D: Looks like he doesn’t have manners, nya~

FLOWER C: Uwoohhh~ Oh, so scary~ He’s so quick to yell.

FLOWER B: He’s got no good points, huh~

FLOWER D: So true~

FLOWER C: Such a pitiful one.

FLOWER and B: (laughs)

CHARLES: …! (he runs away)

CHARLES: It’s always like this…

CHARLES: No matter where I go… There’s no one who understands me!

CATERPILLAR: (turning pages) Volume 6… “The Origins of the Forest”…  About 100 pages…

CATERPILLAR: This substance is Thee up of carbonated water and calcium as the main ingredients… I’m sure it’ll react well with sweetened water.

CATERPILLAR: A doline is a hole on the earth’s surface… I see.

CATERPILLAR: Page 64 of the tax structures…

CATERPILLAR: Inheritance is a fortune that’s divided and changed depending on the amount of people who’ll receive it… I see…

CATERPILLAR: Then there’s… page 81 of the analysis on the mind…

CATERPILLAR: The unconsciousness of a person compared to the consciousness is…

CHARLES: Um… Isn’t it difficult to read more than one book at once?

CHARLES: I’m pretty sure it’ll be easier to read and understand one at a time…

CATERPILLAR: That may be the case for you but it’s not for me.

CATERPILLAR: This is further proved that I can still hear and understand you perfectly at the same time. Worry not.

CATERPILLAR: “There’s no one who understands me!” There was so much displeasure in that sentence.

CATERPILLAR: (closes his book) However, there is no need to be so down, Alice.

CATERPILLAR: A person finds it hard to understand himself so you shouldn’t be bothered about not being understood by others.

CHARLES: …! Then what about you?

CATERPILLAR: It is in me not understanding myself that I can understand more.

CATERPILLAR: Unlike you, see?

CATERPILLAR: I am but a mere caterpillar. Nothing more, nothing less.

CATERPILLAR: But, it is quite humorous to see you irritated about others not understanding you when you don’t understand yourself.

CHARLES: I don’t… want to understand myself either.

CATERPILLAR: You recognize that and yet you’re unable to understand others.

CATERPILLAR: Well, I guess that’s just about what you’re capable of.

CATERPILLAR: (laughs) ‘Read a book one at a time,’ you say?

CATERPILLAR: I didn’t think that you’d suggest that to a reader.

CATERPILLAR: Do you think that books have more value than yourself?

CHARLES: I mean… Books are more important than people, aren’t they?

CATERPILLAR: You’re quite the selfish one.

CATERPILLAR: You think only of yourself and not consider what others are thinking.

CATERPILLAR: That is… simply your logic.

CATERPILLAR: More so—

CHARLES: Enough, please! I don’t want to hear any more.

CHARLES: You’re nagging too much like Big Brother does!

CATERPILLAR: Let’s see here… That person is…

CATERPILLAR: Is he really a bad person? Or is he only bad in your perception?

CATERPILLAR: Moreover, listen until a person finis—

CHARLES: That’s not true! I’ve heard enough. Please excuse me.

  ***

  CHARLES: This place is really full of weird people!

(cat bell rings)

CHESHIRE CAT: (chuckles) I wonder what they mean by ‘unusual’~

CHESHIRE CAT: Answering what’s unusual or not is difficult, huh~

CHESHIRE CAT: Anyway, is that something that you can say?

CHARLES: Who--!? There’s no one here… Even though there’s a voice…

CHESHIRE CAT: I wonder~ Who am I, really~?

CHESHIRE CAT: ‘I am someone, and I am not.’

CHESHIRE CAT: The only one who can decide that is you.

CHESHIRE CAT: The question ‘Who am I?’ is not really that difficult~

CHESHIRE CAT: When I am not here then I am not.

CHESHIRE CAT: When I am here, then I am here.

CHESHIRE CAT: Such as when there’s a front, there’s a behind.

CHESHIRE CAT: I’m that much of a contradictory existence.

CHESHIRE CAT: The others call me Cheshire Cat.

CHESHIRE CAT: (laughs) Do you hate strange people, boy?

CHARLES: (deep breath) Yes. I’ve only been troubled the moment I arrived here!

CHARLES: The guy I asked for the way home won’t tell me and he hurried off.

CHARLES: Some flowers just kept on making fun of me even though they knew nothing about me…!

CHARLES: I’m this troubled and yet no one will help me!

CHESHIRE CAT: Is that so, is that so? You’re troubled, huh~

CHESHIRE CAT: You said you wanted to go home?

CHESHIRE CAT: Unfortunately, no one here’s really an ally or an enemy.

CHESHIRE CAT: It’d be best to keep that in mind.

CHESHIRE CAT: Hm~ You reeeeaaally don’t know anything, do you?

CHESHIRE CAT: You’re as sweet as can be.

CHESHIRE CAT: But that doesn’t mean that you can just be protected by anyone anywhere.

CHESHIRE CAT: You are free here. There’s no right or wrong. You’re free to live the way you want to~

CHESHIRE CAT: That’s right, freely~

CHESHIRE CAT: You don’t dislike that right, boy? Being free.

CHESHIRE CAT: And yet, you’re so displeasured.

CHESHIRE CAT: ‘Alice is really unusual,’ was it~?

CHESHIRE CAT: (laughs in a taunting kind of way)

CHARLES: You speak as if you know everything.

CHESHIRE CAT: Well, not everything~

CHESHIRE CAT: What I know is the same as what you do.

CHESHIRE CAT: In other words, as long as you know it then I will, too~

CHESHIRE CAT: Hey, Alice.

CHESHIRE CAT: Do you really want to go home?

CHARLES: … O-of course I do!

CHESHIRE CAT: Heh~ ‘of course,’ huh?

CHESHIRE CAT: Then, I think you should go that way~

CHESHIRE CAT: I’m sure there’s some delicious food over there. You’re hungry aren’t you, boy~?

CHESHIRE CAT: Eat your fill first.

CHARLES: I’m not hungry!

CHESHIRE CAT: No~ You are.

(Charles’ stomach grumbles)

CHARLES: …!

CHESHIRE CAT: See? (laughs) You’re not gonna be late going home anyway.

CHESHIRE CAT: I’m pretty sure you’ll find what you need there, Alice~

  ***

THE HATTER: Cheers to the tea party where anything goes!

MARCH HARE: Cheers~! The Hatter really knows how to throw a party! Let’s all let our hearts out and enjoy this to the fullest~

(glass breaks)

THE HATTER: (laughs) Goodness, this cake is marvellous! It flies so well with the cup.

DORMOUSE: (nervously) A-ah… that cup is… the thirteenth cup you’ve broken…

DORMOUSE: Uwah…! So wasteful… Why did you do that…? It’s the end of the world…

THE HATTER: Oh, Dormouse! Let us enjoy no matter what happens!

THE HATTER: Also, it is because we’ve already broken so many that we need not be aware of what we throw next!

THE HATTER: Plus, everything that holds shape will be broken someday.

MARCH HARE: I wouldn’t dare think that even a stylish cup like this could be broken.

MARCH HARE: This might be an omen for something good~! Woah, this is the best!

THE HATTER: Exactly! If you keep in mind that we can buy new cups then, see, what do you think~?

THE HATTER: The fun will increase!

DORMOUSE: That… may be… Yeah, that’s right!

DORMOUSE: Then let me break my remaining cups, too. Cheers~

(laughter erupts from the trio)

CHARLES: (quietly) Amazing…! They’re doing toasts using tea cups. If I did that at a normal tea party, Big Brother will surely scold me.

(Charles steps on a twig)

THE HATTER: Oh my, this is…! (he claps his hands) March Hare, Dormouse, we have a guest~

THE HATTER: Young Master, your hand please. (he grabs Charles’ hand)

THE HATTER: Now, over here please.

CHARLES: A-ah, please wait a minute... U-um… I’m looking for the way home and—

THE HATTER: Let’s leave the talk for later. Have a seat first.

THE HATTER: Now, this should be fine. Everyone, please greet Young Master Alice.

MARCH HARE: Welcome, Alice~ Cute guests are always welcome! I am now a very happy March Hare~

MARCH HARE: (giggles) You’re very lucky to have met me, Alice~

CHARLES: N-nice to meet you… You’re quite energetic, aren’t you?

THE HATTER: The March Hare is truly a strange one so we have no idea what he’ll do next! He is unpredictable~

THE HATTER: You might get eaten if you come too close to him.

MARCH HARE: Hey, hey, Hatter, that’s too much of a compliment~ Flattery will get you nowhere, you know~?

THE HATTER: (laughs) It’s your turn next! Come on, now’s not the time to be sleeping.

THE HATTER: Please pour some tea for Alice.

DORMOUSE: (yawns) Sure… I am… always sleepy so I’m a Dormouse…

DORMOUSE: The tea that I’d recommend is… (sleepily) the Darjeeling from… this pot…

DORMOUSE: It’s the best—(yawns) tea there is… (snores)

(the tea cups and stuff clatter as Dormouse falls asleep on the table)

CHARLES: Ah, this is bad…!

THE HATTER: It is fine! It’s a normal thing that happens in this tea party.

THE HATTER: It’s a small matter to be angry over. Moreover, he’s participating even though he’s sleeping so it’s fine~

DORMOUSE: (sleep talking) Please continue…

CHARLES: Ah… It’s true…! This is my first time in a tea party like this!

CHARLES: It’s refreshing and very fun, isn’t it?

THE HATTER: Thank you, Young Master! The Darjeeling pot has been ruined so let’s drink some other tea.

THE HATTER: What pastry would you like to eat?

MARCH HARE: Oh yeah~ How about the usual cookie. That special one that you always keep in your hat, Hatter~

THE HATTER: That is a NICE idea! (he takes off his hat to give some cookies) This is what ‘taking your hat off to someone’ really means~

THE HATTER: This is what I call the Hatter hospitality. Would you like one, Young Master?

CHARLES: Woah, they look delicious! Such cute hat-shaped cookies. Thank you!

(alarm rings)

THE HATTER: Oh, no, you can’t! (he snatches the cookie away from Charles)

CHARLES: What are you doing? You said I could eat it a while ago! Didn’t you give that to me?

THE HATTER: It is a law that the tea party should take a break once in a while.

THE HATTER: This alarm is the signal for that break.

THE HATTER: Well, even though we say that, this alarm is broken so we don’t know when it will go off.

CHARLES: No way…! Isn’t it a weird rule for a tea party to require a break at all?

CHARLES: There’s no way that it’s a law, is there?

MARCH HARE: Even if you tell us that, it’s a decided thing. We were told to strictly obey it.

THE HATTER: It’s unnecessary but at the same time it is. This world is just like that.

DORMOUSE: (sleep-talking) You’re quite the… unusual one, huh… Alice… (snores)

THE HATTER: (laughs) You say such interesting things, Young Master. Really, very wonderful.

(Charles slams his hand on the table)

CHARLES: It’s not interesting at all! (the tea sets clatter)

DORMOUSE: (snaps awake and panics) That way of speaking…! Did the King of Hearts suddenly appear?!

CHARLES: No, I’m not the King.

THE HATTER: Then, are you close to the King?

THE HATTER: Please forgive us…! We’ll do this properly. We’ll make it interesting like you wish!

THE HATTER: Please… Smile more…

THE HATTER: We beg of you… Please spare our lives…!

CHARLES: Um… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you this much.

CHARLES: Please raise your head, Mr. Hatter.

MARCH HARE: Alice, that’s the one thing you shouldn’t say to the Hatter.

MARCH HARE: That it’s not interesting, I mean.

MARCH HARE: Those words are taboo.

DORMOUSE: His life’s… riding on it, you see…?

DORMOUSE: The King’s orders are… absolute.

THE HATTER: One day, we were just doing a tea party like we usually do.

THE HATTER: It was nothing big, really. Very peaceful it was, yes.

THE HATTER: However, we were happily content with it.

THE HATTER: Reuniting with our friends, talking and laughing about random things while drinking delicious tea. It was your usual tea party.

THE HATTER: That’s when he suddenly appeared! The King of Hearts!

THE HATTER: “How uninteresting! What an uneventful tea party!” is what he told me.

THE HATTER: “Make it grander! Make it overflow with fun, don’t be afraid. Make this a perfect and free tea party!” he said.

THE HATTER: “If not…  I will have your head…” is what he told me.

CHARLES: Unbelievable…!

THE HATTER: Ever since then, it feels as if our time has stopped.

THE HATTER: No matter how many times it happens, we just repeat the same time over again.

THE HATTER: This fun tea party bound by harsh time will continue on until the King tells us to stop.

DORMOUSE: It’s not like… we’re doing it because we want to…

MARCH HARE: We have no choice. There’s just no other way. We have to make it fun even if it’s boring. Or else we’ll lose our heads.

THE HATTER: Alice went all the way here and yet we disappointed him.

THE HATTER: I am such a failure of a Hatter. A big fool who can’t do anything…!

CHARLES: That’s not true! Mr. Hatter’s not useless. You have to treasure yourself more.

CHARLES: Thank you for inviting me, I had a lot of fun.

THE HATTER: Young Master Alice…

CHARLES: I understand how you feel, Mr. Hatter. I’m always being reproved by my Big Brother, too.

CHARLES: But, this is too strange. We have to tell the King of Hearts or e— (alarm rings)

THE HATTER: Break time is over! I’m full of energy again after Alice’s encouragement.

THE HATTER: Thank you! We’re already used to it so it’s okay.

THE HATTER: We don’t want to hurt your feelings. Now, let us resume the tea party!

THE HATTER: Now then, where should we begin?

MARCH HARE: From the part where we were eating sweets while toasting.

MARCH HARE: Then, next up is riddle time.

DORMOUSE: I’ll be careful not to fall asleep… (yawns)

THE HATTER: Now then, let us enjoy this! With smiles on our faces.

THE HATTER: That’s the rule after all~ It’s the only way our heads can stay with our bodies.

DORMOUSE: With a grin and… a fun attitude…

CHARLES: No way… That’s not fun at all! I’ll go to where the King is.

CHARLES: There’s no need for you to follow such absurd rules.

CHARLES: You can’t give up! If you really want to change then…

THE HATTER: Of course I would prefer having genuine fun from the bottom of my heart.

THE HATTER: I do but…

CHARLES: I don’t know how I’ll do it but… I’m sure there’s a way!

CHARLES: That’s why let’s have courage to move forward.

CHARLES: Come on, let’s go.

MARCH HARE: That’s totally impossible~ Plus, it’s troublesome. Isn’t this fine~

DORMOUSE: (yawns) I won’t get scolded if I just sleep here… (snores)

CHARLES: I get it, you’re right. I don’t know what will happen if I go unprepared.

CHARLES: It’s scary, huh… Sorry for forcing it on you.

THE HATTER: I will go.

CHARLES: …!

THE HATTER: I will believe in Alice. And then, I’ll try believing in myself, too.

THE HATTER: Let us go together!

DORMOUSE: (sleepily) Are you really going…?

MARCH HARE: Hatter! It won’t be my fault if something happens.

THE HATTER: I am aware! Moreover, I am quite curious about Alice.

THE HATTER: It seems like he’s looking for a way home so I will help him as well.

CHARLES: Mr. Hatter…

CHARLES: I don’t know what I can do but if I’m with you I feel like I can figure it out.

CHARLES: The way to move forward…

CHARLES: Now then, let’s go!

  ==END== 

※ Please don’t re-upload these translations anywhere without permission. ^^

[boragebffs]

Ravished

Genre : FLUFF & ANGST (?)

Word Count : 2541

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader

Warning : None

“Get out of here you piece of trash!”

“The only trash here is you!”

Filled with anger, Y/N came out and slammed the door shut. The household has never been the same since her father remarried the day after he divorced her mom. It used to be a house of pure love and laughter. It was all rainbows and sunshine. But ever since then, the perfect family shattered. Ever since that Satan came into her life, it was hell. The house was burning with hatred. Days came to fill with chaos and shouts. Every day was always the same, and this somehow managed to weave into her life that she became “immune” to it.

Days like these especially reminded her of a special someone from her childhood. Someone that she always goes to on difficult days. Someone that she always pour out her concerns to. Someone who she always shows her true self to. He was her refuge, her sanctuary, her safe haven.

“If only he was here…”

Driving the thought away, Y/N plucked in her earphones, her only sweet escape, and shut everything out and retreated into her own shell.

There’s a saying:

“People come and go, that’s life. However, the best will stay.”

Her mother, whom she thought was her best thing in life, left her, and so did he. Both of the people who were her everything, her whole world walked out of her life. They turned a blind eye to her. The whole world turned a blind eye to her. Now she has no one on her side. She felt lonely and empty.

“Y/N!” A voice boomed from behind through her earphones. Y/N stayed frozen for a slip moment. That voice. She was all too familiar with it.

“Could it be?”

Y/N’s face lit up with hope. It was his voice. She was so sure of it. She could never forget it when it was imprinted deep inside her heart.

“Nah, it can't be him? It's been so long…”

Ignoring the voice, she put up her facade and continued walking to her school.

                                                  -----------------

On her way to class, students nearby cleared the pathway for her as she is known to them as the infamous bad girl. No one dared to anger her nor stand in her way unless they had a death wish. Once, a jock challenged her and made fun of her. The next day, news of how he was sent to the hospital with a concussion spread like wildfire. Since that day, she gained the title of “the school’s bad girl.” Rumors, undoubtedly fake ones, stated that she's a member of one of the terrifying gangs in the town which scares the students even more.

Y/N sat at the far back of the class near the window, and since the teacher hasn't arrived, she lazily stared at the scenery. She took in the beauty of the landscape as she listened to the music of her favorite band.

“Okay class, today we have a new transfer student,” the teacher said as soon as he walked in.

“Come on in.”

Curious, Y/N lowered the volume.

“Hey guys, my name is Kim Taehyung. Pleased to meet you all.”

Bewildered, Y/N looked up at the new student. She couldn't believe it. It was him. As soon as both of their eyes locked, she quickly looked away. Despite being shocked and having a hard time taking in of what just happened, she maintained her facade. Taehyung flashed his boxy smile to the class, or rather to her, making the other girls gasp and swoon over him. Y/N rolled her eyes to the exclaims and reverted her attention back to the surroundings.

“Settle down now class. Taehyung, you can sit next to Park Jimin.” A bubbly boy with chestnut hair stood up. Taking his small hand out, he cutely greeted Taehyung. Soon enough, both of them were chatting away which was fortunate for Y/N, especially when Jimin sits five seats away.

Throughout the whole class, Y/N’s sixth sense told her that someone was staring at her. That sensation she felt was so palpable and real that it was piercing right through her heart. After a while, she couldn't take it anymore as the sensation won't go away, and it kept bothering her. So she turned around to glare at the “culprit”, but she got flustered; her heart skipped a beat upon seeing the so-called “culprit”: Kim Taehyung. Taehyung was staring into her eyes as if he was searching for something, as if he was searching for an answer. Y/N quickly turned and looked the other way, but she couldn't help thinking why he was doing that. She couldn't decipher the expression Taehyung wore on his face either. Was it worry or was it adoration? Or perhaps, could it be a disappointment? Y/N couldn't pinpoint it. Either way, she could still feel Taehyung’s stares on her the whole time.

The classes went by quickly, and as usual, Y/N was startled out of her reverie by the school lunch bell. She was taking out her lunch money and was about to go out when Taehyung stood in front of her way.

“Get lost, would ya?” Y/N said with a cold tone.

Chills ran through the spines of the remaining students in the class. Soon, they all hushed and excused themselves out of the class leaving Y/N and Taehyung alone.

Taehyung was still smiling despite Y/N's cold and harsh attitude towards him. “Hi Y/N. How have you been? You know, we got a lot of stuff to talk about and catch up with?”

“We got nothing to talk about,” Y/N replied with disinterest.

“But I'm your best fri-”

“Was,” Y/N cut him off harshly.

“What?”

“You were once my best friend but not now. Now you're just a mere stranger to me.”

After saying those words, Y/N walked out of the classroom nonchalantly, not sparing a single glance at the lost, baffled boy.

                                                  ----------------------

As Y/N walked towards the bench, a soft spring breeze greeted her. It gave off a laughter, just like Taehyung’s. It ruffled her hair, just like Taehyung used to do. Though Y/N may act annoyed and say that she doesn't like it, she secretly enjoyed his touches. The moments between the two had always been sweet; they rarely fought. Even if they did, it lasted only a minute or two as they couldn't stay angry at each other for long. Without realizing, Y/N started to reminisce the olden, blissful times they had shared.

"Oh my gosh, I can't believe myself,” Y/N groaned. The boy she longed for came back to her life, yet she remained her guise; she couldn’t help it. And yet she spoke harshly towards him. For the very first time in her entire life, Y/N knew she messed up big time.

“Well, I suppose this is what it is. I'll understand if he doesn't want me,” Y/N dejectedly thought as she went back downstairs.

Throughout the day, Taehyung kept making an effort to speak to Y/N. Somehow his schedule and hers coincides - he’s in every classes with her. Despite Taehyung’s efforts, Y/N remained cold and was rude to him.

The school bell rang signaling the end of the school. “Well, back to hell,” Y/N mumbled. Flinging her backpack over her shoulder,  she walked out of the classroom.

                                               ----------------------

It was only seven in the morning, and yet Y/N was already having the worst moment in her life. It was not a surprise that Y/N had another fight with Satan, but today has got to be by far the most intense. Y/N is the type of person to fight back when someone bad mouths about the people she truly loves and cares for, and when Satan touched upon the topic she shouldn’t have - Y/N’s mom - she exploded.

Then, like a bolt out of the blue, she was slapped. What she heard next left her even more bewildered, left her with more pain.

“Is this how you treat your mom?! That b*tch isn’t your mom! She is your mom now you ungrateful piece of sh*t! Be grateful that we are taking care of you! Next time, it will not just end with a slap!”

After saying that, Y/N’s father stormed off leaving Y/N speechless.

“Serves you right! Know your place child,” Satan scoffed.

With light steps, she then sauntered away.

This is the very first time that Y/N‘s father joined the fracas. No matter how heated the arguments get, he had always turned a blind eye to those fights. Despite that, he did join them today; he sided with that Satan, not Y/N, his one and only daughter. Regardless of how much Y/N despised her dad for divorcing her mom and marrying that “Satan,” she still loved him. Even if her dad ignored her, he was the only one she had. However, he did not take her side. Instead, he slapped her. He said words to her. Words that hurt, words that kill, words that are staining her soul black. And her heart was shattering into pieces. Now she truly felt that no one was on her side. She never felt this empty. She never felt this lonely.

Picking up her bag and putting in her earphones, she headed straight to the school and went  up to her getaway place: the rooftop.

                                            ----------------------

“Where’s Y/N?” asked the teacher gaining Taehyung’s attention.

One of the students answered, “No idea, but doesn’t she skip classes often.”

“Hmm… That’s strange? I do not know of other classes, but she rarely skips this class,” the teacher mused.

“Anyways class, open your textbook to chapter-”

Taehyung grew worried. He was sure that he saw her this morning entering the school. Without hesitating, he got up and ran out of the class.  

“Hey! Where are you going?! New kid!” the teacher roared.

                                            ----------------------

Taehyung roamed around the school searching for Y/N. He ran here and there, but he could not find her. Thirty minutes passed, and Y/N was nowhere to be found. “Aish… Where is this girl?”

Then, he recalled something. She once said that she loved staying on the rooftop as she is standing high above the streets and the people, and below the stars and the sky. She can stare at the cityscape and nature both at the same time. Somehow, for her, it was as if nature and society are in perfect harmony. With those thoughts, she was always able to find comfort and serenity in it.

                                               ----------------------

“Y/N! Do you know how much I have been searchi-”

Taehyung paused as he saw tear stains on Y/N’s face.

“Hey… Is everything okay?” Taehyung asked out of concern.

“Everything’s fine. It’s none of your business,” Y/N hiccuped and wiped away her tears.

“No, you’re not. You’re hurt. Y/N, I know you very well. I saw hurt in your eyes yesterday. You can’t lie to me, and what do you mean none of your business. You are making me worry, so of course it’s my business,” Taehyung said as he reached for her.

Y/N brushed his hands away. “I said I’m fine. Don't act like you care.”

“Y/N-ah, I do care okay? I care about you a lot.”

“If you care about me then why did you leave me? You left without explanation… you didn’t even say goodbye.” With a cracked voice, Y/N  broke into tears.

“Hey,” Taehyung said softly while brushing away her tears.

Y/N couldn’t help it anymore. She burst out crying beating his chest with her tiny fist. All the tears she had been holding in since that very day came rolling down. A part of her that she buried deep down in her heart woke and broke free. He was here, her solace was finally here.

“I’m so sorry Y/N. It was all so sudden that I was not able to tell you. My parents were transferred to Seoul, and we had no choice but to leave immediately. I’m sorry for leaving you all alone. But hey, I’m back now.”

“You better be. Did you know how hard it has been? Both you and mom left me. My dad married a Satan. Both of them don’t even care about me. The whole world turned its back on me. Everything was eating up my brain, and you were not there…”

“A Satan? Really?” Taehyung said amused.

“Really now? That’s all you heard?” Y/N said in disbelief and started to push him away.

“I’m kidding,” Taehyung paused for a bit and continued, “Y/N, you know you can trust me right?”  

Snivelling, she asked, “How can I be sure that you won’t leave me again?”

“Y/N, I swear to god. I won’t leave you ever again,” he responded sincerely.

“So can you trust me, can you trust me. Please, please, please pull me in and hug me.”

Touched by his words, a single drop of tear slipped out of her eye which was then followed by a stream of tears.

“Why are tears still coming out?!”

“These are tears of joy you fool.”

“Aww… You are still a crybaby. Bad girls are supposed to be tough and buff, but all you do is cry,” he teased.

“How did you? Who told you? Aish… go away.”

“Rumors Y/N, rumors. But you know what, despite all that facade, you are my crybaby. Y/N, I love you. I have always loved you.”

He took a deep breath. “I know you hate me for leaving you alone for all those years, and I’m willing to repay those if you just let me. You can either punch me like you did to that jock or just hold me tight. Drag me to wherever you go, order me around anytime and anywhere, and I’ll listen. I’ll always be there for you, so never let me out of your sight.”

Y/N was speechless due to the sudden confession.

Finally, she replied, “Okay… your first order from me is…”

“Yeah?”

“Can you hug me?” Y/N muttered.

“What? A bad girl needs a hug?”

“Just hold me tight, will ya?” Y/N grumbled.

“Gladly,” Taehyung said as he pulled her in.

A comfortable silence loomed over them.

“Taehyung?” Y/N said with a muffled voice.

“Hmm...”

“I love you too. I have always loved you.”

Smiling, Taehyung hugged her tighter, and so did Y/N.

“Y/N, whenever you need someone, just tell me. I’ll be there for you. I’ll hug you, and comfort you. For me, hugging is the most beautiful form of communication to say that you matter to me.”

Things couldn’t be more than perfect for Y/N. The man she loves so dearly is here with her along with the streets below and the stars and the sky above that are the very witnesses of this special moment. People come and go, and that’s life. However, even if they leave, the best will always come back into your life.

                                -------------------------------------

A/N : This is our first fanfic~ Please enjoy.

[ick25]

Rockman.EXE Episode 34 Review.

Let’s learn about the stocks market with Rockman-sensei! Where did he get that stick, though?

Electronic money, the root of all cyber evil.

We start the episode at Higureya where we find out that Higure-san is broke.

When even Numberman thinks that number is boring, you know it’s not good.

To make matters worse, Numberman also tells him that he will be kicked out of the building because he haven’t payed the rent in three months. Thats what happens when you use your money to buy rare chips and not sell them in your chip shop.

As Higure is sulking, a mysterious beared man enters his store.

After the title card we see the inside of a bank where we focus on the money transactions going in and out for different companies.

I’m not sure if Mitsushi is suppouse to be a car brand or a sushi restaurant.

Inside the computer we see how the programs in charge transport the money data, they even have cute little security guards that can easily be kicked out of the way by an intruder.

You would think that a bank would have a stronger security.

The intruder is today’s Navified robot master, Magnetman.EXE.

Magnetman uses his magnetic powers to delete all of the programs and move the money data around.

After this, we see Netto and friends riding in Yaito’s limousine where they are listening to Midorikawa on the news talking about a generous rich man name Mr. Gauss aka Gauss Magnets arriving at Japan.

Hearing about all these remarkable contributions is followed by a egotistic comment from Yaito.

Netto, remind me again why are you friends with this girl?

Netto and the others talk about the rumors of Higureya about to close down soon and they decide to go visit Higure-san, only to find out that he has moved to a sky scrapper and is now incredibly rich.

Higure shows them how rich he’s become by showcasing limited edition Battle chips on his wall and serving them a super rare dessert that only Yaito knows about.

Higure doesn’t tell them why he suddenly became rich, so we see Yaito annoyed about this when they are back in the limousine. Shortly after, Glyde tells Yaito that he couldn’t buy anything at Internet city because of a problem with her bank accounts. Yaito reveals her secret credit card compartment inside the limo and starts to check them only to find that her accounts are completely empty.

During this we see that Higure’s money account is getting higher thanks to Magnetman’s intrusion in the bank, with every card Yaito checks, Higure becomes richer. After Yaito desperately slides all of her credit cards, Glyde tells her that all the money of Gabgom has dissapeared from their accounts.

I would get out of that limo if I were them.

We see that the one responsible for this is none other than Gauss Magnets who is Magnetman’s operator. The next day we... Oh come on! That shot of Netto, Meiru and Tohru walking to school together again?! Did Gauss steal from the animation budget too?!

We see Yaito being late for school since she has to walk there like a commoner. We also see her having to eat lunch with the rest of her class where Netto asks about her personal cooks not coming today.

I like how in the dub Glyde insults them by saying that he feels common like them. Also, I just love Netto’s face in the second panel.

After school, Yaito is sitting on a swing all alone until her friends come to cheer her up with a bottle of strawberry milk.

Dammit, Yaito! You even interrupt the heart warming music because you’re such a snob!

They all discuss about how strange it is that Yaito lost all her money when Higure-san is suddenly getting a lot.

We return from commercials with Enzan who is gonna do something about the economic problem since his company is also losing money. He finds Yaito waiting for him in the lobby who was wondering if his company was having trouble too, but all she gets is a good old insult about her company from Enzan.

Is the anime still trying to ship these two? Because I doubt Enzan sees her as anything more than an annoying eight-year old.

Walking around the city, Netto watches the news on the tv monitors all over the city where Midorikawa talks about the recent problems with the stock markets for different companies. Netto gets a simple explanation from Rockman about how the stocks affect the stability of a company. Right after this, Midorikawa says that one company is rising above the others.

Shocking.

We see Enzan at the bank where the source of the problem is, as he explains to Blues with a cute animation.

Makes sense. 

Enzan arriving at the bank is a blessing because nobody had any idea that the computer was completely deserted!

 Blues encounters an invisible figure who he then reveals easily. Magnetman praises Blues for finding him and gets ready to fight until his operator tells him to run away to avoid leaving any clues behind.

I find it interesting that Gauss’s codename is Midas, because everyone he touches becomes rich.

Later that night, Higure receives a call from Gauss telling him that somebody is gonna try to break in to steal his rare chips. Inmediately after, Netto arrives and Higure instantly believes he is a fake and refuses to let him in, but this proves to be pointless since Netto can let himself in anyway.

What CAN’T you do with a Net Navi in this world? Is the only thing preventing this from happening is people knowing that it’s ilegal?

Higure waits outside the elevator with a broom to attack the “fake” Netto, too bad his plan of knocking him out backfires when he breaks the broom.

With Higure out of the way, Netto sends Rockman into his PC where he is suddenly attack by Magnetman. Netto saves Rockman from the surprise attack by sending an Area Steal off screen and he deduces that Magnetman is the one messing around with the bank accounts, and that he probably is from Gospel, which a mysterious voice from somewhere confirms.

The battle begins, Netto sends the Sword, and Magnetman summons a Magnet line that acts like conveyer belt that pushes Rockman away. Netto frees Rockman by sending the Meteor nine chip to destroy it.

This doesn’t work in the game but it’s fun to watch how the anime gives out physical solutions to counter chips.

Netto keeps destroying the Magnet line with meteors creating smoke that allows Rockman to catch Magnetman off guard.

No, I don’t think this is suppoused to be the same meteor chip that Yaito stole from Higure in the last episode, that one was called the Giga Meteor, this one is called Meteor 9, maybe Netto just decided to get his own meteor chip after that.

Gauss isn’t happy with this and orders Magnetman to use the North-South tackle that consists in him summoning a blue Magnetman that represent the South pole of a magnet. The two Magnetmen turn into orbs that tackle Rockman from both sides.

This damages Rockman a lot, the Magnetmen prepare to use the N-S tackle again to delete him, but this time Blues swoops in and gets Rockman out of the way.

“What are you talking about? Higure is a friend of mine who suddenly became rich and I just wanted to know why, why are you here?”

With Enzan in the picture, its time to use a double Program Advance. The same animation as always but with a different background and they both aim their attacks at the real Magnetman. However, the blue Magnetman pushes him out of the way and is deleted instead.

So... Was he sentient too or was he just a copy of him programed to act as a decoy?

Gauss logs out Magnetman. Higure wakes up and is about to attack Netto again until they are interrupted by Rockman’s voice telling them that there is a secret froor in the building. The damaged created by the double Beta Sword exposed a hidden door, all Rockman has to do is go through said door and the wall in the real world suddenly opens revealing a secret staircase.

What did Rockman find at the other side of that door? We will never know.

All three of them go up the staircase and they find a huge dark room with an organ. Netto gets chills after hearing Gauss’s voice and figures that he is Magnetman’s operator.

Sure, Enzan. Let’s all walk down the stairs together and wait for the police to arrive so we can have a nice little chat that might end with one of us going to jail. >:c

Of course this isn’t the case since Gauss has a secret button that opens up the roof and allows him to escape on a weird looking aircraft without moving from his seat.

Well, that happend.

The next day we see that Yaito got her money back in her account and Midorikawa saying in the news that everything is back to normal, she even talks about Gauss leaving the country where we see him get a little taste of karma.

Karma, b*tch!

Why was this cutted from the dub? Too “mean spirited” , I guess?

Yaito visits Enzan in her limousine thanking him for his help.

Once again, Yaito learns nothing from this experience, and the episode ends with Higure-san out in the street, back to his poor usual self.

Don’t we all?

My thoughts.

Remember back in episode 30 where we found out that Count Elec has a brother? Well, now we can talk about him!

Gauss Magnets is Count Elec’s older brother. Unlike in the game, Gauss and Count Elec both come from a wealthy family with an affinity for electricity. Gauss became the president of his own company while the Count ran away from home to worked for the WWW as a cyber criminal.

“Gauss” is a measuring unit for magnetic fields. His first appearance in the game was when he hijacked an airplane to get a high power program in the computer, which wasn’t a good idea in hindsight since he was gonna crash the plane. 

The dub added some funny lines in some scenes, but they also talked when there was no dialogue like during Gauss’s weird aircraft escape.

Something I didn’t like was how INCOMPETENT the banks are in this world, what kind of security was that? They were cute and all, but come on!

Now it makes sense!

[felicia-cat-hardy]

20 Song Lyrics About Being Single That Will Make You Feel Seen

Who says you have to be in a relationship to have fun? Being single is so underrated, and there are a number of songs that celebrate all the benefits of being a single lady. From Lizzo to Fifth Harmony to Ariana Grande, these musicians’ lyrics about being single will make you feel like you don’t ever need a partner ever again — seriously!

When you’re single, you can focus on yourself and living your best life. If that involves being independent and building up your self-esteem, then so be it. These songs about being single are perfect for anyone who’s looking to love themselves harder, and that’s because they’re all about self-worth. Like Lizzo says, she’s her own “Soulmate,” and she’ll always be the first person to hold her down. Lizzo’s music shows that there’s nothing wrong with being alone, and if you want to feel that way, too, then I’ve got some bops to add to your next playlist.

It’s time to embrace your singledom and see life through a new lens. When you give up the notion that being in a relationship will make you happy, then you’re able to focus on the person who matters most: you. After all, just because you’re single doesn’t mean you’re alone.

"They used to say to get a man you had to know how to look / They used to say to keep a man you had to know how to cook / But I'm solo in Soho, sippin' Soju in Malibu / It's a me, myself kinda attitude." — "Soulmate" by Lizzo

"I'm gonna put my body first / And love me so hard 'til it hurts / I know how to scream out the words / Scream the words / Gonna love myself, no, I don't need anybody else." — "Love Myself" by Hailee Steinfeld

"I was born to run, I don't belong to anyone, oh no / I don't need to be loved by you / Fire in my lungs, can't bite the devil on my tongue, oh no / I don't need to be loved by you.” — “Midnight Sky” by Miley Cyrus

“So sue me / For looking too pretty tonight / Wearing your favorite color under the lights / For moving on, doing everything right / So sue me.” — “Sue Me” by Sabrina Carpenter

"Party for one / If you don't care about me / I'll just dance for myself / Back on my beat.” — “Party for One” by Carly Rae Jepsen

"I used to hold my freak back / Now I'm letting go / I make my own choice / B*tch, I run this show / So leave the lights on / No, you can't make me behave." — "Confident" by Demi Lovato

“I don't need a man / If I'm loving you it's 'cause I can / I don't want your cash / I put my own rock on my hand.” — “Joan of Arc” by Little Mix

"I'm so feeling me right now / Think I fell in love, fell in love in the club tonight / I'm so feeling me right now / I wanna take her home, take her home / 'Cause I know I'll love her right.” — “Feelin Me Right Now” by Kelly Rowland

"I'm not the way that I used to be / I took the record off repeat / You killed me, but I survived / And now I'm coming alive." — "Miss Movin’ On" by Fifth Harmony

"Aren't you the guy who tried to / Hurt me with the word ‘goodbye’? / Though it took some time to survive you / I'm better on the other side." — "Don’t Start Now" by Dua Lipa

"No time for moping around, are you kidding? / And no time for negative vibes, 'cause I'm winning / It's been a long week, I put in my hardest / Gonna live my life, feels so good to get it right." — "Just Fine" by Mary J. Blige

"The shoes on my feet, I've bought it / The clothes I'm wearing, I've bought it / The rock I'm rockin', I've bought it / 'Cause I depend on me if I want it." — "Independent Women" by Destiny’s Child

"I'm just with the crew / We ain't out here looking for boo / 'Cause some nights be better with you / It's a ‘homies only’ kind of mood." — "Do It" by Chloe x Halle

"Don't call me up / I'm going out tonight / Feeling good now you're outta my life / Don't wanna talk about us / Gotta leave it behind / One drink and you're outta my mind.” — “Don’t Call Me Up” by Mabel

"We'd always go into it blindly / I needed to lose you to find me / This dancing was killing me softly / I needed to hate you to love me, yeah." — "Lose You to Love Me" by Selena Gomez

"Don't tell me that you got a good thing for me / 'Cause I already got a good thing with me / Yeah, I already done everything I dreamed / I'm good by myself, don't need no one else.” — “Good Thing” by Kehlani

"I buy my own things, I pay my own bills / These diamond rings, my automobiles / Everything I got, I bought it / Boys can't buy my love, buy my love, yeah." — "Woman" by Kesha

"Handle me? / Who gon' handle me? / Thinkin' he's a player, he's a member on the team / He put in all that work, he wanna be the MVP / I told him ain't no taming me." — "Hot Girl Summer" by Megan Thee Stallion

"Plus, I met someone else / We're havin' better discussions / I know they say I move on too fast / But this one gon' last / 'Cause her name is Ari / And I'm so good with that." — "thank u, next" by Ariana Grande

"Love to hate me, you hate to love me / I'm takin back what you've taken from me / You're mistaken honey, this something that / Remind me why I be alone, on my own / If I needed you, I'd have you that I know.” — “Love to Hate Me” by Blackpink

"'Cause I, I'm in love / With my future / Can't wait to meet her / And I, I'm in love / But not with anybody else / Just wanna get to know myself.” — “my future” by Billie Eilish

You are more than enough on your own, and if you ever forget that, then these songs serve as the perfect reminder.

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