#self harm tw --

[support]

Everything okay?

If you or someone you know is struggling, you are not alone. There are many support services that are here to help. For 24/7 peer support and other resources, message KokoBot on Tumblr.

If you are in the United States, please try:

National Suicide and Crisis Lifeline or dial 988 or (en Español)

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The National Domestic Violence Hotline or 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

Rape Abuse & Incest National Network or 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

S.A.F.E. Alternatives for Stopping Self Abuse or 1–800-DONT-CUT (366–8288)

National Eating Disorders Association

If you are outside the United States, visit IASP to find resources for your country.

For more resources, please visit our Counseling & Prevention Resources page for a list of services that may be able to help.

[myersesque]

ok. so. viktor is my favourite character in arcane. i am also physically disabled and hate the Magical Miracle Eugenics Disability Cure trope with a fiery passion. naturally i have a lot of opinions about where his character is going, but for now, here's a relatively simple one:

internalised ableism has always been part of viktor's character. he describes himself as "a poor cripple from the undercity" (yes, quoting how other people speak about him, but still); he shies away from the spotlight even when jayce encourages him; as a child, he directly acknowledges his disability as the reason other children don't associate with him.

i watched a video essay recently ("how arcane writes men" by schnee) that identified viktor's tendency to just suck it up and push through his problems rather than dwelling on them as a stereotypically masculine trait, which he is written to both subvert and lean into. whilst i agree with that to some extent, i think for viktor specifically it's more of an insight into a very common mindset for disabled people to have; a lot of us do not want to be pitied, and understand that acknowledging our hardships will often unfortunately lead to being treated as attention seeking. he doesn't dwell on things because he can't, unless he wants to be looked down on more than he already is; he's already had to fight to even be acknowledged as more than somebody's assistant, or respected as a zaunite living and working in piltover. i can't imagine he's keen to show any further "weakness"; he only ever cries when he's alone. it makes sense that he'd want to save himself rather than relying on anybody else.

the dangerous thought process of "fixing" people with the hexcore begins with that desire to save himself. at first he's just trying to stop his illness from killing him, but then he progresses to carving runes into his leg, seemingly in the interest of fixing his limp - which works, albeit temporarily. he seems aware enough of the implications of what he's doing to be somewhat ashamed of it (or, at the very least, enough to hide it from jayce). i've seen a lot of (mostly able bodied) people interpret the scene of him running down the pier as victorious, but it always felt bittersweet and scary to me; the dark, painful fantasy of "fixing" the thing the world has always looked down on you for, and the unsettling knowledge that you were never supposed to exist that way. a man experiencing a moment of joy only when he has detached himself from a core aspect of his being; self hatred disguised as progress. he only seems to register the horror of what he's doing when it kills sky.

it's not a leap to say that, with the hexcore dulling his emotions and blurring the lines of his ethical code, he would turn this externally. self loathing so insidious that he mistakes it for kindness and mercy and points the blade of it at the people he swore he'd help. before merging with the hexcore, he was desperate to destroy it and rid himself of its influence, hindered only by his physical inability to do so; under its control, he's seemingly lost all those inhibitions, wiped clean of his understanding of its danger. no longer "clouded by emotion", no longer human enough to know better, no longer suspicious of the arcane.

what viktor becomes in season 2 is, i believe, a hellish mix of his own internalised ableism and the hexcore's desperation to spread and survive. his genuine desire to help people has been warped into stripping people of their individualism, forcing them into some predetermined ideal in the name of healing (very "the empty child" from doctor who). it's his own character flaws mixed with the inhuman apathy of the hexcore. the road to hell is paved with good intentions, and also dressed up so nicely that you don't even realise you're headed downwards.

this is not what viktor stood for, but rather a perversion of his own insecurities, with a fresh coat of hexcore paint to stop him (or his followers) from scrutinising it too closely. they took the guy who dedicated his life to bettering humanity, and warped him into something doomed to destroy it.

(or something like that. idk. i haven't slept.)

[narcissisticpdcultureis]

sh tw

npd culture is harming yourself and then getting mad when people dont mention the visible wounds like? do you not care about me? wow youre selfish, i knew you were truly scum !!! (i told people to not mention them)

.

[auschizm]

Things you should do when a mentally ill person is in crisis instead of calling the cops on them:

Stay with them for a while or have someone else stay with them

Remove potential self harm tools like knives, razors, big quantities of pills, etc if necessary

Try to encourage them to sleep and eat regularly and to remember basic self care/encourage a stabilizing routine

Remind them that you're there and that you care and that you're not going anywhere

Try not to panic/get visibly upset

Offer distractions

Help them look into their options according therapy, support groups and medication. Help them make phone calls and escort them to their appointments if necessary

Remind them of the coping methods they usually benefit from. Help them practice them

[genderkoolaid]

National news outlets in New Zealand reported that the 18-year-old trans masc individual was taken to an emergency department early after attempting a “partial left mastectomy at home.” The incident was described as an “act of desperation” over the “unmet need” of masculinising chest surgeries. The New Zealand Medical Journal reported that a combination of being unable to afford a private consultation and the “significant psychological stress” of gender dysphoria pushed the teen to attempt the surgery himself. Several hours later he sought medical attention, fearing nerve damage. Practitioners noted his improved mood and self-esteem during a post-op assessment a month later. “He reported improvement in self-esteem and self-confidence and his ability to complete school work, and was looking forward to enrolling at university,” the report revealed.

[anyataylorjoys]

THIRTEEN 2003, dir. Catherine Hardwicke

[lets-steal-an-archive]

TL;DR he's only sorry he got caught

[moonlight]

Do you see how nice it is not to have to worry or fight? Just to let yourself be looked after?

SHARP OBJECTS (2018) 1.08 — Milk

[shinotail]

days 4-8

[startagainaprologue]

eugh..!! pleugh.. cough cough.. eugffh,, bleugjh,,,, ptoo… <- coughing up blood

dw abt it guys though. theyre fine

[sleepyvinegar]

I watched all the Saw films for the first time in october and I haven't been able to stop thinking about chainshipping (and Saw in general) since then. Thank you sawtism, I owe you my life!!! 🙏🪚♾️

These last weeks I'm having yuri chainshipping brainworms and I'm so happy for all the art/fanfics/etc, you all are amazing! 🥺😭💖

Designs inspired by @turnipoddity and @thesunpapaya, and Lawrence's name idea by @adam-stanheights-right-hip-bone 🫂💖💖💖

Saw rapidly became SO dear to me and helped my longass artblock, so I hope I can continue making more art of it! (I already have more sketches but I'm too slow 😭💔)

yuri chainshipping… save me.. yuri chainshipping save me yuri chainshipping

[cupcakeshakesnake]

I'm sorry teddy I don't know why I hurt

[dog-teeth]

something to recognize that choosing recovery again and again is difficult work, and you are not weak for faltering

[butchhamlet]

just saw a hamlet and god someone please let me play hamlet someday please god every time i watch hamlet i start thinking about how i would play hamlet. the answer to which btw is extremely frantic and personal with the audience. no shakespeare voice on this bitch. neurotic wired compulsion doer who won't stop making uncomfortable "you seeing this shit?" eye contact with people in the front row. can't stop getting misgendered by his uncle. hasn't slept in days. coming in from backstage bleeding randomly down his sleeves. compulsively put hand sanitizer on after claudius talked to him and then tasted it off his finger and gagged. do you get what im saying. i could be such a good weird little freak

[taiturner]

#what if you held a knife to my throat to kill me and months later i used that same knife to sacrifice my blood to save your life

@yellowjacketsnetwork event 01: dynamics SHAUNA SHIPMAN & TRAVIS MARTINEZ

[genderkoolaid]

idk how common an experience this is but part of the reason I like HRT is that giving myself shots hits the same "asserting bodily autonomy through physical transformation and minor pain" factors that made me like cutting but with less risk, more happy trail, and a bigger cock