#yes i Will lose it over a dynamic that rarely has direct interactions yet share such intense moments together regardless

[taiturner]

#what if you held a knife to my throat to kill me and months later i used that same knife to sacrifice my blood to save your life

@yellowjacketsnetwork event 01: dynamics SHAUNA SHIPMAN & TRAVIS MARTINEZ

[ghostgothgeek]

Chaos.

Another for the Phic Phight! This one kinda combines two prompts and I had so much fun writing it! In this, Danny and Tucker don’t know Sam plays video games yet. 5,063 words.

"What do you mean you don’t feel the same way? We´ve had a mutual crush on each other for years." Sam says angrily after finally confessing her love to him. But Danny´s heart was beating hard for someone else entirely. Prompt by phantomfana. 

Danny wants to ask his crush to the upcoming school dance. Prompt by Rikaleeta.

-----

It was another long night of ghost hunting for Danny. Technus took up the first part of the night, trying to take over the park’s new security system. Tucker was fortunately still awake to help him out with that. Then Johnny and Kitty rolled in, but they weren’t looking for trouble, they just wanted a date night and swore they wouldn’t be a problem. Apparently Fridays were their days off for “everything but each other”. Danny was a romantic, but he didn’t know if this was sweet or nauseating. Ember had put up a good fight, though. He was proud he only had one injury to tend to. He had dodged most of her attacks, but she was still a pretty advanced ghost. And, of course, Danny had caught the Box Ghost six, count them, SIX times. How did he always manage to get out?! He wasn’t difficult to take down, he was just a pest. 

Danny sighed as he sat down at his computer chair. It was only 12:30 am, and it was a Friday. He could sleep in tomorrow and he deserved at least a couple hours of fun. He logged into his online gaming account and saw Tucker was online. Figures. He pulled up the chat anyway. 

Astrohaunt: Hey Tuck. Still up?

Technopedia: You know it. Chaos signed on about a half hour ago and I’m not passing up the opportunity.

Astrohaunt: Dude is so good it’s unreal!

Technopedia: He goes to our school, I tracked one of his IP addresses and he logged in at school a few times.

Astrohaunt: Tucker wtf. That’s creepy!

Technopedia: I just want to make sure Chaos is actually a kid and not Lancer again!

Astrohaunt: I still can’t wrap my mind around Lancer playing Doomed…

Technopedia: Same. But Chaos IP is different from Lancer, so we good. Unless more teachers play Doomed.

Astrohaunt: I hate you for putting that image into my brain.

Technopedia: Sorry dude. But quick come join before someone else gets Chaos.

Danny, Tucker, and Chaos had made a great team. Whenever Chaos was around, they were actually able to progress through the game. They played several rounds until Tucker was caught by his mom and was forced to sign off, but Danny and Chaos kept playing. 

TeamChaos: Hey, what’s up?

Astrohaunt: Omg dude you’re so awesome. 

TeamChaos: Ha, thanks. Gotta blow off steam somehow. 

Astrohaunt: Tell me about it! Between Lancer’s three projects and midterms and...other stuff...this is my only time to actually chill. I’ve been so stressed!

TeamChaos: Same. I did finish one of the projects though. I’m always here if you need to talk, you know. 

Astrohaunt: Wow, I may just take you up on that offer. I’ve had a rough night.

TeamChaos: Lay it on me.

And so Danny, sparing the ghost hunting details, stayed up chatting with Chaos until 5 am. He got along really well with the guy, they had a lot of similar interests. This was just the first of many up-all-night conversations they shared. After a few months, Danny felt a special connection with Chaos, and yet, he didn’t even know his name! 

Astrohaunt: We’ve been talking all these months and I still don’t know your name. I’m Danny. 

TeamChaos: Oh, thought you knew. It’s Sam!

Astrohaunt: Hey! One of my best friends is named Sam! 

TeamChaos: You don’t say!!!

The next day at school, Danny pulled Tucker over to him, whispering, “Dude, help. I think I might be gay....” 

“What?!” Tucker shouted.

“Quiet, Tuck!” 

“Okay, well uh...why?” Tucker sent him a weird look and took a step back. 

“No, not you. Chaos. I think I have a crush on Chaos.” Danny ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t know what to do! I never thought I’d be...you know. Chaos and I just have good conversations and he’s always there to listen to me when I need to vent. I thought maybe I found another best friend but...this is different. Chaos is so cool and I’m crushing and I don’t even know who he is or what he looks like! Or if he feels the same way! Maybe I’m just stupid and-”

“Dude, chill. You’re jumping too far ahead of yourself. Whichever way you, you know, swing...I’m still your best friend.” Tucker pulled out his PDA. “Let me see what I can find out. I know Chaos goes to our school.”

“Thanks, Tuck. As if being half ghost wasn’t hard enough! Oh, and he’s in our class, because he’s talked me through assignments and knows what they are and stuff. He’s almost as good as explaining things as Sam. Crap...Sam. Don’t tell her about this!” Danny started fidgeting. 

“Well,” Tucker raised his eyebrows in surprise, “I can tell you with absolute certainty that Chaos is definitely a girl.” 

“You found out who Chaos is?!” 

“What, like it’s hard?” Tucker chuckled. “I traced the IP addresses she uses. I know who she is. So do you,” Tucker smirked, “It shocked me at first, but it makes total sense! And I can totally see why you like her.” 

“Really?” Danny let out a breath in relief. “Okay that makes me feel a lot better...hey, maybe I can ask Chaos to the dance next Saturday!” 

Tucker rested a hand on Danny’s shoulder. “Go for it. Ask Sam. I’m almost positive she’ll say yes.”

“Okay, I will...wait, not Sam! Chaos!” Danny clarified. “Well, actually, I think Chaos told me her name was Sam. Ha, small world. I can’t wait to introduce Sam to Sam. I think they would really get along.” 

Tucker busted out laughing, “Oh, dude. You go ahead and do that.” He left Danny standing there in the hallway, still laughing all the way to his next class.

Danny, a bit confused by Tucker’s laughter, shook his head and smiled to himself. Okay, good. He’d had enough identity crises to fill a lifetime. Chaos was definitely a girl. Now if he just knew Chaos returned his feelings, things might actually work out for him this time and he could actually have a girlfriend.

Meanwhile, Sam was having an internal debate of her own. Sitting in a class where the teacher couldn’t give two shits about what the students were doing, she had always used this class as her thinking time. Usually her thinking-about-Danny time. She nervously clicked her pen as she thought about recent events. 

She and Danny spent so much time chatting online when they weren’t hanging out in person. Danny was a little bit more bold online, probably because he didn’t have to interact face-to-face or risk his pants falling down in public again. Online, they talked about everything. No topic was off limits. Plus, Sam felt like their friendship had only grown even stronger when they could chat online and not have to worry about blushing or getting teased by Tucker. Chatting online took away all the pressure and made it much easier to connect with Danny. 

Danny hadn’t said anything yet, of course. He was probably scared. Hell, she was scared. She was already so in love with him, and getting closer online only further solidified that fact. She had never been in love before, and even though she hunts ghosts, this was more terrifying! She was fairly certain he returned her feelings, but both were too chicken to actually make that final step. They’ve been best friends forever. She didn’t want to mess up their already great dynamic or force Tucker to be the third wheel, though he did insist he was more than okay with that and encouraged them to finally get together. 

Sam stopped clicking her pen as she suddenly remembered it was senior year. They hadn’t picked colleges yet, but whether they ended up going to the same school or not, things were going to change. Danny was very attractive, and going off to college meant girls may actually approach him when they didn’t know his parents were ghost fighters. The fact had never bothered Sam, but she did kind of like how it kept most girls at school from asking him out or giving him attention. Valerie had been a challenge, especially because she was a ghost hunter herself and probably wanted to get tips from his parents. Sam was glad that relationship ended relatively early. It was too hard on her. Joyous or not, though, she was still mad at Valerie for how she broke his heart. 

But that was 2 years ago. They had all moved on and friendships were more or less mended across the board. This made Sam glance at her favorite picture of her and Danny. Tucker had taken the candid picture and it was now her phone’s background. In it, Danny was giving Sam a piggyback ride. Her arms were lightly strung around his neck, legs looped around his waist. Danny had kept going in the opposite direction Sam told him to go, which frustrated her but also made her laugh. She had rested her chin on his shoulder, her face pressed right up against his. Danny was looking at her and Tucker had captured that rare moment when Sam had a huge grin on her face, still laughing. She smiled at the picture. They would be okay no matter what. Their friendship would survive.

Anyway, Sam also realized she had already come close to losing Danny, in more ways than one. Whether it was to other girls or a ghost, there was always that anxiety stirring in her head that she could lose him entirely some day. Life was too short. She needed to take the plunge for both of them and just get them both over this hurdle, and they could finally, finally, actually get together. 

Sam made her decision. It was now or never. She was going to tell him. Today. The trio was meeting up at Danny’s house later anyway, and if she got there early enough, she could talk to him before Tucker showed up and teased them about it. Sam firmly nodded her head to herself, a confirmation of her decision. It was finally time.

After school, Danny was pacing in his room, trying to figure out how he wanted to do this. Asking a girl to the dance wasn’t a huge deal, and yet at the same time, it was. He would rather ask in person, but he still didn’t know what Chaos looked like, so asking in person seemed to be off the table. He could look in the yearbook for all the girls named Sam at their school. He could already omit one Sam Manson from that list. How many Sams could possibly attend their school? It would be easier to ask Tucker, though. Tucker already knew who she was. Sam and Tucker were on their way over right now. When Sam wasn’t paying attention, he could ask Tucker for Sam’s full name. 

Chaos Sam, not best friend Sam. God, this was so confusing. Why were girls so hard for him? Freshman year, Paulina only liked his ghost half and wouldn’t give his human half the time of day. Sophomore year, Valerie hated his ghost half and that hatred was more important to her than her feelings for his human half. Junior year, he had been denying that he was in love with his best friend. And now that he had finally accepted that he did like his best friend as much more than a friend, a new girl entered the picture and he now found himself trying to choose between two Sams. Because it apparently wasn’t hard enough for him already to make the biggest and most important change he could possibly make in a friendship, let’s add another crush to the mix and give them the same name.

Sam. Best friend Sam - that’s who he was planning on asking originally, even if he chickened out and had to ask her as a friend instead. Plus, he and Sam had somehow gotten closer recently, and he was pretty sure she liked him. Sure, it was only because Tucker told him so, but it was a possibility. The thing was, he didn’t want to ruin things. Especially because he truly didn’t know how Sam, best friend Sam, felt about him. She was a tough and courageous girl, surely she would have said something by now if it were true. So Tucker must be pulling his leg.

But he did have another option - Chaos Sam, who may actually return his feelings. Sure, the feelings weren’t nearly as strong as what he felt for his best friend, but the feelings were still there. Plus, if he got rejected by Chaos, it would be less heartbreaking than being rejected by Sam, someone he had known for years rather than months. He could deal with losing a newer friend, but not one of his best friends. Sam was too important and he knew he needed her in his life.

Danny sighed. This was really hard, but he made a decision. It was easier to go with Chaos than risk ruining things with Sam. Danny had enough drama going on in his life already, he needed an easy win. 

He broke from his thoughts when the doorbell rang. He ran downstairs and opened it, only slightly surprised to see Sam there. She was usually early for things. He and Tuck were more prone to being late. 

“Hey, Sam. Come on in!” Danny moved so Sam could enter his house. He shut the door and followed her upstairs and back to his room as she returned his greeting. She was pacing the same path he just had, muttering quietly to herself. She looked nervous. “Something on your mind?” 

Sam was startled out of her thoughts. “Huh? Oh yeah.” She noticed his disheveled appearance, also noting he was fidgety. Was he going to do what she was about to do? “What about you, you look like you’ve been thinking a little too hard about something.” She smiled softly. 

Danny chuckled, “Yeah, but it’ll resolve itself soon. I’ll worry about it after the movies. Tuck should be here any second. Oh, but I’m glad you’re early. Can you help me with something quick?” 

“Of course.” Sam followed him to his desk, smiling and rolling her eyes when he pointed to a homework problem. “I should have known.” 

Danny gave her a lopsided smile and watched as she showed him how to do the problem in her perfect handwriting. It took no more than a couple of minutes. Now, they were just waiting for Tucker to arrive. 

Sam looked at the time. He would be here soon. She needed to do this now. She needed to tell Danny. She couldn’t wait until after the movies for him to tell her. She had already waited long enough and couldn’t bear another second.

“Danny, can I talk to you for a second?” She sat down on his bed and gestured for him to do the same. 

Danny could sense the seriousness in her voice, and nodded anxiously. He was scared when Sam was serious about things. It was usually something bad.

“Danny…” She decided to get straight to the point. “I like you. As in like-like you. More than like, and more than a friend. And we’ve been doing this dancing around for at least 4 years now and I’m sick of it. I just want to be with you already. What do you say?” Sam held her breath as she waited for Danny to answer. 

He stared at her with wide eyes before nervously rubbing the back of his neck and turning his attention to his shoes, avoiding eye contact with the goth. God, why him?! He had stupidly thought, for once, things would be easier for him this time. He had already sent an offline message to Chaos that he wanted to ask her something, and then Sam had to come along and tell him what he had wanted to hear for some time now. But he couldn’t blow Chaos off when he had already somewhat asked. Of course, his life just had to be complicated every step of the way. He really liked both girls and didn’t want to hurt his best friend. Regardless, he had to be honest. He owed Sam that much. “Well, I mean, yeah, but…” 

“But what?” Sam whispered, clearly already upset. Fuck. Fuck fuck FUCK. This was exactly what he didn’t want to happen. He decided to try going with Chaos so he could avoid heartbreak from his best friend. The very thing he had been so afraid of, he was doing to her right now. 

Danny sighed again. “But I can’t. I’m so sorry, Sam.” It was hard to choke out, but he said it, and he felt terrible. He pressed his lips together and kept staring at his shoes until Sam lifted his chin up, forcing him to look at her. 

“What do you mean you don’t feel the same way? We’ve had mutual crushes on each other for years!” Sam said angrily, feeling her heart break as her best friend and love of her life rejected her confession of love. She was so sure he returned her feelings! Especially after all the great conversations they had shared online these last few months. “Or, at least, I thought we did.” Tears swelled in her eyes. Did he lead her on? “I-I need an explanation, Danny,” she quietly stated after he didn’t continue. 

Danny frowned and his heart ached. He didn’t want to hurt his best friend like this. Hell, he really liked her! Of course their crushes were mutual! And if this had happened 6 months ago instead of now, he would have jumped at the chance. But now...now he had Chaos and already forced himself to stick with his decision. It was easy with Chaos; there was no friendship to risk, no denying of being lovebirds or brushing off kisses as fakeout makeouts. Plus, he couldn’t lie to his best friend. She would know if he was lying. And he already told himself she deserved the truth. “There’s...someone else…” 

“What?” Sam whispered before turning angry again, “Paulina? Valerie? Star?” she spat out. 

Danny shook his head, “Ew, no...it’s someone I met online...I’m so sorry, Sam. I like you a lot, I really do, but I think I’ve already come to the conclusion that I like this girl I met online, Chaos, and I have to try to see that through.” 

Many emotions crossed Sam’s face as she pieced together what he just said. At first she was upset, but as he explained himself, she felt disbelief, confusion, anger, and finally, hope. He couldn’t really be that clueless, right? “Show me.” 

“Huh? I mean, I don’t actually know what she looks like, but we message every night and she really understands me! I know it sounds ridiculous, but-” 

“Show me,” Sam repeated. “Show me her profile.” 

“You’re not going to hurt her, are you?” Danny questioned cautiously.

“No, of course not. Just shut up and show me the profile.” Sam was more calm now, and that was kind of scary. Even though Sam said she wouldn’t hurt Chaos, he didn’t want to give her the chance. But he knew how stubborn his friend was, and eventually in whatever way, she would force the information out of him. 

Danny sighed and pulled up the profile to show Sam. “I’m sorry, Sam. I’m still your best frien-” 

“Shut up.” Sam scrolled through what Danny pulled up for her and pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration. Closing her eyes slowly, she took a deep breath. “Didn’t Chaos tell you her name?” 

“Uh,” Danny thought, “oh yeah! She said her name was Sam, because I thought she was a boy at first and I had an existential crisis, but then Tucker told me-” 

“Danny. I’m Sam.” 

“No I know, and sure it’ll be a little weird cause you’re Sam and she’s Sam, it’s confusing, but I-” 

Sam interrupted him once again. She could hear Tucker’s footsteps approaching. She was running out of time to not make this a spectacle. “No, Danny. Chaos. Sam. Me. I’m Sam. I am Sam,” 

Tucker only heard the tail end of the conversation as he entered the room. Never able to pass up a comedic opportunity, he smirked and added “I am Sam. Sam I am. I do not like green eggs and ham!” 

It was suddenly silent in the room as his friends seized conversation and glared at him. Oops. 

“Oh, am I interrupting something?” Tucker could see the fire in Sam’s eyes. “Uh, oh wait I forgot my...sock. I’ll be downstairs!” He raced out of the room.

Sam turned her attention back to Danny. “No, you stupid fucking MORON. I am Chaos. You’ve been talking to me the whole time. I thought you knew that!” Danny stared at her blankly until she pulled out her phone and he watched her log into her account, proving it to him. Sure enough, it was Chaos’s profile. He could see all the direct messages between them, including his offline message about wanting to ask her something.

“Wait, you? You’re Sam? I mean, Chaos? I mean Sam?” Danny looked back and forth between the profile and his best friend. 

“UGH!” Sam shouted as she threw her hands in the air. “Yes, Danny. That’s me! Did you really not notice that Chaos was the same age as me and a girl who goes to our school? We have the same name and interests! Didn’t you wonder why it was so easy to talk right off the bat? I thought you put that all together and us just pretending to not know each other was a little bit you were trying to do or something!” 

Danny stared at her as he continued to piece it all together. He was definitely embarrassed. He felt so stupid. How could he not tell that Chaos was Sam, his best friend since 7th grade? Talk about being totally clueless. 

Wait. Clueless? Well, fuck! He got the nickname now! 

His eyes flickered back and forth as he thought everything through. Eventually, he started to crack a smile. “Wait, so I’ve had a crush on you and also you? You’re the same person! This is great! Do you know what this means?!” 

Sam slapped her forehead and began walking downstairs. “I don’t even know if this is worth it anymore…” 

“Wait, how come Tuck and I never knew you played video games! We can enter team tournaments! You’re so good!” Danny chased after her. 

Tucker watched as Sam grumbled about Danny caring more about video games than her. An excited Danny was right on her tail. 

“Tucker! Sam is Chaos! I’ve been in love with Sam this whole time!” Danny explained. 

“Tucker, I need you to refrain me from slapping his stupid clueless face,” Sam started. 

“Wait, you didn’t know Sam was Chaos? Dude! I thought I was obvious about that!” Tucker began laughing at Danny. 

“I know, so did I.” Sam crossed her arms over her chest. 

“Danny, you can calculate levels of rocket fuel and figure out how to get us to Mercury or something,” Tucker started. 

“Mars, actually,” Danny corrected. 

“But you can’t figure out that your best friend and your crush are the same person? You’re more than Captain Clueless, you’re like….Lieutenant Clueless? That’s like, bigger right?” Tucker continued. 

“I don’t think that’s how it works, Tuck,” Sam chimed in. 

“Shut up Sam, this isn’t about you,” Tucker immediately stopped his train of thought when he felt Sam glaring daggers at him. “Heh, uh. Except it does. It actually has nothing to do with me. I’m sorry I told you to shut up, please don’t hurt me!” He threw his hands up in front of himself in defense. 

“Relax, Tucker. I’m more angry with this fucking dingus,” she pointed her thumb in Danny’s direction. 

The halfa was about to protest, then closed his mouth. “That’s fair, I deserve that.” 

“I can’t even look at you right now. You scared me! I poured out my emotions to you. I thought you were rejecting me and that I would have to change my name and move to a different country! Wait, are you still rejecting me?” Sam stopped her pacing to look at him. 

“Of course not, Sammy!” 

“Oh don’t you ‘Sammy’ me! I told you I love you, you stupid fucking idiot!” Sam began throwing pillows at Danny, who expertly dodged them (though as a result, Tucker got hit in the face by one). 

“Technically, you didn’t say ‘love’ you said ‘like’”, Danny offered as Tucker shook his head and slashed finger across his neck, signaling Danny to stop talking. 

“Oh, I’m sorry! This is all my fault! I’m going to go jump off a cliff now!” Sam growled and Danny let out a small “oomph” as one of the pillows finally got him. 

“I’m out. Good luck, bro!” Tucker quickly slipped out the door, leaving Danny and Sam alone. 

Sam was about to follow Tucker out when Danny stopped her, “please don’t leave!” She still had angry tears in her eyes. He frowned. This was not how he expected things to go. She watched him for a few seconds before sitting down on the couch, refusing to look at him. “Sam I’m so sorry, this is just a huge misunderstanding.”

“No, Danny. It’s not. You were going to turn me down to go out with someone else.”

“But that someone was still you!”

“Yeah, but you didn’t know that! We’ve been friends for years, and you were more interested in someone you just met a few months ago! I don’t want to be anyone’s second choice, Danny! I’ve been standing by for years as you continuously chose other girls over me. I thought we were done with that, and that you were finally choosing me first, but you won’t and you never will and I’m so stupid.” Sam put her head in her hands as she tried her hardest not to let tears fall. 

And that was when he finally figured it out. It wasn’t just the moment of rejection, it was years of rejection, and at her biggest confession, she still thought he was choosing someone over her. Not to mention, Tucker witnessed most of the conversation. Sam rarely showed her emotions. She always had her heart guarded, and he knew this. Tucker knew this. Hell, she didn’t even tell them she was rich until after a few years of friendship. It took them a while to get her to open up to them. She was a pretty private person. She was probably already hurt like this before. And now, she was probably embarrassed.

“You’re definitely not stupid. I’m stupid. I should have known it was you. That was actually what I really liked about Chaos, she reminded me of you.” 

Sam forced a small sarcastic laugh, “Yeah, right.” 

“No really,” Danny sat on the couch next to her and grabbed her hand, placing it in both of his. “Sam, you’re absolutely incredible. How dumb would I have to be to not notice?” Sam gave him a pointed look. “Okay yeah but it’s not the way you think it is. I liked Chaos because she was a lot like you. She reminded me of you. And it just seemed easier to go with her because she was basically you, but she and I didn’t have a really great friendship that could have gotten ruined if we broke up or something. I could live without her, but I can’t live without you. You’re always my number one. Always have been, always will be. Even if I did just fuck everything up. I’m so sorry, Sam. I’m ready to be with you, if you’ll still have me.” 

Sam stayed silent and stared at her lap, processing this new information. Of course she would forgive him; she always did. She just needed a little time. 

Danny was getting nervous that he really did fuck this up for good. This was so fucking important! He couldn’t risk fucking this up! Sensing her hesitation, Danny tried one more thing to get her back. One thing he hasn’t done before. One thing he just learned how to perfect.  

“Sammy, I’m sorry,” a duplicate popped up next to her on the other side of the couch, startling her. 

“Please forgive me?” Another duplicate was floating in front of her, hanging upside down, hair flopping all over the place. 

“I know I’m a dummy but,” Sam snapped her head towards a third duplicate. 

“I’m only a dummy because I’m in love. With you,” the real Danny finished. Sam looked back and forth between all the Dannys.  

“We’re sorry, Sammy,” all the duplicates said at once. 

Sam was trying really hard to hold back a smile. “You learned how to duplicate,” she stated simply. 

Original Danny grabbed her hands. “Sam. I will make this up to you. I promise.” 

She could hear the determination in his voice and sighed. “You better.” 

Danny smiled and hugged her. “Thankyouthankyouthankyou!!! I love you so much!”

Sam pushed him off of her. “I love you too, you fucking idiot.” 

“But I get to be your idiot!” Sam couldn’t hold her laughter back anymore. “Oh!” Danny shouted, “Will you go to the dance with me? Please?” 

Sam pretended to ponder the answer before saying “alright”. 

“Yay!” All 4 Dannys cheered. The duplicates on either side of her kissed her cheeks as the real Danny kissed her forehead tenderly. The final duplicate, feeling left out, squeezed his way in to give her a hug. 

Sam was now roaring with laughter before kissing the real Danny sweetly. “You know, duplicates won’t always get you out of trouble,” she warned. 

“Yeah, but they could come in handy for other things,” he wagged his eyebrows up and down suggestively before passionately kissing her, the duplicates kissing her neck and touching her in near-dangerous places. 

Sam bit back a moan, eyes lustful before smirking, “I think you just found a way to make it up to me.” She began dragging the real Danny and one of his duplicates back to his room. Fuck the movies.

[darkdisrepair]

Hailey Upton: Character Study Post-crossover

After watching the FBI/Chicago PD crossover this morning, I have some interesting thoughts about the character of Hailey Upton, who I am very much in favor of as a character, so if you don’t like her, you might not want to read.

Check it out!

Timing is Everything: Hailey & External Factors

Personally, Hailey’s (and to an extent, Tracy’s) “polarizing” label that isn’t really deserved but people do it anyway. The problem isn’t the character, or the actress, the problem is just that she’s gotten kind of crappy timing in many ways. When she arrived on chicago pd, she came on the heels of Sophia Bush’s exit, a character that a lot of people loved and shipped furiously with Jay. I started watching for Hailey not gonna lie so I’m not super attached to Erin or Sophia. I got the impression that some people (not everyone) didn’t like her because Hailey is very unapologetic, and looks very similar to Erin. She was very clearly the person meant to replace Erin, so people started assuming things about her character that were kind off-base, and the crossover (in my mind) proves that a little bit.

From what I saw on Twitter, the FBI fandom seemed very enthusiastic about Hailey’s character, even though the situation is pretty similar to the Erin/Hailey dynamic. Tracy stepped in for another established, liked character (Maggie) while the actress who plays her is on maternity leave. The difference, which explains the lower levels of toxicity, is that there is an assurance there that Hailey will not be staying, and that she is not a replacement, just a guest. 

Even though she did clash with OA, people were willing to stay for her side of the story. Now, the people on Twitter might just be the vocal fans of the FBI show, but I think that shows that a lot of the tension with Hailey’s character comes from a) her strong personality and b) the fact that she came in at a very tense time in the Chicago PD fanbase.

Back to the Beginning, by Going on Another Show

I don’t know if I’m the only one who noticed this, but Hailey was on fire in this episode, honestly more so than I’ve seen in many of the episodes on Chicago PD. Don’t get me wrong, I love her in every episode she’s in, but you could tell that the writers really took the time to do her character justice.

She was fierce and sassy and determined and everything I remember her being in her very first episode. This crossover was basically a reset for her, which is what I think Voight wanted, and maybe even the writers too. I’d noticed in CPD episodes prior that she started to lose some of the qualities she started out with. It’s hard to name what they were, but she was becoming too much of a mini-Voight.

Personally, even though she definitely didn’t completely play by the FBI’s usual playbook here, she wasn’t Voight-like here. Yes, she threatened to break someone’s arm, and yes, her interrogation tactics were definitely not ones that I think the FBI show usually talks about, but she did everything by the book, just with her own twist. And I think that’s why Voight was drawn to her in the first place, when he brought her onto the team. 

At the beginning of her character arc on Chicago PD, she was very by-the-book, but not in the conventional sense. She knew how to get things done the right way, and stopped at nothing to do so. She knew where the lines were and toed them when she needed to but never let cases compromise her morals, and rarely let emotions cloud her judgement. 

This hadn’t happened on Chicago PD for a while. Coming to the FBI and being reminded that there are lines and other ways to get cases done really brought her character to where it should have always been, which in turn made her an even more dynamic character to watch.

Also, side note, but the FBI show is so aesthetically pleasing, which helped Hailey come alive even more :) Major credits to Monica Raymund for that!

Hailey and Voight: Two Sides of the Same Coin?

I’ve never been one to compare Hailey to Voight, and to me, this episode showed how different they are. 

She adjusted extremely quickly to the FBI. At first, everyone was hyper-aware that she was not a federal agent, including OA. They doubted her abilities and second-guessed some of her choices.That changed quickly once Hailey saw some action and made some key points in their investigation. OA started to listen to her and take note of what she was doing, trusting her to watch his back, and the rest of the team did, too, even letting her interrogate a suspect.

She inspires people to do better, to learn more. OA realizes that maybe cops aren’t inferior to federal agents. Jubal and Castille recognize her interrogation skills and her strategical skills, too. 

This episode, if anything, highlighted the differences between Hailey and Voight.

She wins people over because she knows how to beat the system without breaking it, and uses her deep knowledge and passion to find ways to help people without hurting them (for the most part). People trust her not because they know she can bend the rules, but because she knows when to be vulnerable. See, for example, how she relates to victims of abuse. Voight earns people’s respect because he protects the people he cares about, without restrictions. He connects with criminals through threats and violence, for the most part. 

Hailey may have been come to New York because Voight thought she was becoming too much like him, but this episode just showed how different they are. She is more open, more cooperating, and has stronger morals than I think Voight ever will.

It’s hard for me to explain, but to me, they’ve always been very different, and to me, showing up in New York and bringing such warm energy to the unit shows the difference between how Hailey influences people and versus how Voight does.

What the Future Holds for Hailey on Chicago PD

What will happen when she returns to her team?

I think she’ll be more aware of the impact that cases have on her. She got the wake-up call her character desperately needed, and now I think her conviction in herself will be stronger than ever. I think she knows that she can’t keep going down the path she was starting to walk in Season 7. 

She might not go back to how intense she was about the rules in Season 5, but I do think she now knows where the lines are and how to get things done without breaking them. 

I’m predicting that something will come up that will force her to come to terms with what she’s done with Darius and Gael, in one way or another. She hasn’t shown guilt about those things yet, but I think what she did to both of them really does bother her. She doesn’t want to feel it, but getting Darius killed and fabricating evidence was overstepping, and she knows that even if it was done in the name of loyalty, it was still against everything she stands for. 

What direction is her character arc going in?

To me, the writers seem to be leaning toward a massive Hailey-centric episode. The hints about her history with her father keep getting dropped (even on CBS, which was surprising!) and I think the fact that these cases keep coming up is affecting her, even though she doesn’t know it yet. 

I was really disappointed when “Intimate Violence” focused on how Jay dealt with seeing abuse, rather than what Hailey thought. I thought for sure she had a better background to interact with Michelle instead of Jay. I also thought the roles would have been reversed, that Hailey would have wanted to rush in and stop the violence while Jay wouldn’t comprehend the emotional weight of the situation.

As a result, I’m hoping that we cover that history and maybe meet some of Hailey’s family. I think that’s part of her past she needs to explore before really coming to terms with who she’s become.

Finally: where is her relationship with Jay going?

It seems like the coronavirus pandemic ruined a lot of Hailey’s upcoming storylines on FBI and Chicago PD. I got the impression that there was going to be some kind of milestone for her and Jay, whether a confession or an injury, that sparked the possible beginnings of a romantic relationship. 

I don’t think Upstead will just happen, even though the more we go on the more the show seems to be leaning toward them getting together. I know for sure I don’t want them to hook up right off the bat- I think their relationship is deeper than that.

I do think that Hailey and Jay both need to figure themselves out before they get together. Jay still carries a lot of guilt with the Angela situation and Hailey, as shown throughout the season, seems to be struggling emotionally with her sense of loyalty to her friends and her own inner demons.

If neither of them are in the right headspace, Upstead does have a lot of potential to crash and burn. They need to both be at a stable place in their lives to even think about considering dating. If the show tries to start something before either characters are ready, their relationship and partnership won’t last, so this upcoming season will be crucial. 

Part of me doesn’t want them to be a thing, because if it doesn’t work, one of the most central relationships on the show will have been destroyed. Their trust is what makes their bond so beautiful to watch, and I’d rather preserve that than have them date.

Overall, thanks for reading, and sorry this got so long! Share your thoughts. Who is Hailey, really?

[jasonfry]

Winter rolls along! No baseball! That means catching up with more classic movies everybody’s seen but me!

The Sugarland Express (1974)

This is Steven Spielberg’s first big-screen feature (1971′s Duel was made for TV), and it’s amazing to think it arrived just a year before Jaws, which would change American movies forever.

It’s impossible to watch The Sugarland Express without analyzing it in terms of Spielberg style, which is too bad, because it can be enjoyed perfectly well if you don’t know who the director is. Yes, there are some trademark long takes and inventive camerawork -- the most famous bit is a tricky 360-degree shot inside the getaway car that’s particularly impressive because it’s so easy not to notice -- but this is also a great character movie. 

Goldie Hawn’s Lou Jean is simultaneously conniving and childlike, ruthless and clueless, and Hawn brings a frantic intensity to the part. Her husband Clovis is doomed the moment Lou Jean puts her half-assed plan in motion, and William Atherton (of Die Hard fame) does a superb job with an understated role, in which Clovis’s real tragedy is how timidly he navigates the constrained possibilities of his life. They’re joined by Michael Sacks as a kidnapped state trooper, and the three make for a compelling ensemble -- people who understand each other and grasp that their circumstances could easily have been switched around by a chance here or there.  

The movie’s ambitious and thoroughly modern -- it’s a chase movie and a marital comedy and a slice of social commentary, and it switches lanes with skill and self-confidence. Maybe it doesn’t quite stick the landing -- there’s a little too much movie blood and the sun-soaked last shot feels like a stylistic departure -- but the ending is gripping even though it unfolds the only way it could, and that’s a hard trick to pull off.

Extra credit because even a relatively uninformed movie fan like me will have a blast moving both forward and backward from The Sugarland Express -- it wouldn’t exist without Bonnie & Clyde, but Raising Arizona wouldn’t exist without it, to identify just two beads on an intriguing string.

Rio Bravo (1959)

Westerns are my comfort food -- give me the right proportions of dusty streets and swinging doors and cacti against sunsets and I’ll overlook a fair number of cinematic/narrative sins. And Howard Hawks’ Rio Bravo whips up the classic ingredients with the nonchalant skill of a veteran short-order cook in a beloved diner -- a tumbleweed even rolls into one of the leads in the first reel, as if to say, “What? It’s a western!”

Rio Bravo is usually framed as a rebuke to High Noon and 3:10 to Yuma, which Hawks and John Wayne despised because those movies dared to depart from the western tropes of flinty-eyed, self-reliant sheriffs and frontier folk banding together. The film Hawks and Wayne made in response is rock-ribbed in its values, unfolds at a languorous pace, and is often mawkish. (It also jerks to a halt for back-to-back duets with Dean Martin and Ricky Nelson, while Wayne stands there and smiles.) It shouldn’t work -- and, to be clear, I don’t think it’s nearly as interesting as the movies it’s arguing with -- but it does.

For one thing, there’s immense skill brought to the storytelling and filmmaking. There’s a self-confidence behind that languor that draws you in, and while the characters are hoary stock figures, their interactions rarely if ever ring false. The actors are solid, too: Martin is a lot better than you might guess as Dude, the deputy with an alcohol problem; Nelson holds his own as a young gunslinger who doesn’t want to get involved but of course eventually does; Walter Brennan has a grand time bouncing off Martin and Wayne in their shared scenes; Angie Dickinson brings some shade and nuance to the role of a gambler’s widow trying to extricate herself from a checkered past; and the bit players are all threatening, comedic, hapless and helpful in the proportions you expect and want.

But unsurprisingly, Wayne is the secret weapon -- the story treatment for Rio Bravo didn’t bother giving his character a name, just calling him “John Wayne.” Imitations of Wayne focus on the swagger and the tough-guy talk but miss that his performances turn on the moments when his characters’ weaknesses undermine their strengths. Wayne’s Sheriff John T. Chance is gentle with Dude’s struggles, knowing well-chosen nudges are the best way to keep his troubled deputy on the right path, and he’s utterly at sea navigating his feelings for Feathers, Dickinson’s character. The Wayne-Dickinson pairing is yet another of those May-December romances that movies of the era were always foisting on actresses, but Wayne wisely leans into the problem, letting Chance be tongue-tied and awkward as the more confident Feathers steers him through uncharted emotional terrain.

Wayne became more cranky and reactionary as he aged, but he never lost the insight that strength is only interesting if paired with weakness. That dynamic sells Chance and Rio Bravo wonderfully. And hey, the Martin-Nelson duets are actually pretty good. 

Hawks and Wayne would essentially remake Rio Bravo two more times, first as El Dorado and then as Rio Lobo, and while I’ll tell you now that I don’t feel the need to see either one, jump ahead a couple of years to a late night where I think, “a western would be fun right now,” and I’ll probably wind up watching one of them. Because I bet they’ll work.

That Thing You Do! (1996)

The story of a one-hit wonder band, written and directed by Tom Hanks. The cast is terrific, particularly the luminous Liv Tyler; the title song (written by Adam Schlesinger of Fountains of Wayne) is not only good but also pitch-perfect for its era; and the giddy whoosh of the Wonders’ sudden rise to fame carries the movie along effortlessly for quite a while.

There are only two problems -- but unfortunately, they’re pretty big ones. 

First of all, the movie jumps the track completely in its last 20 minutes or so. Tyler’s big speech to her self-obsessed boyfriend feels completely out of character; Tom Everett Scott’s drummer hangs around the most accommodating studio in music history and has a miraculous chance meeting with the jazz musician he idolizes; the hotel’s magical concierge uses the same gag twice and then breaks the fourth wall ... and all of this happens in such rapid succession that I thought I’d hit my head. The movie’s humming along pleasantly enough and then WHAM! everything stops making sense and it never regains its footing.

Second, after a couple of hours it’s already fading from memory, leaving behind the title song, the fun of life on the road and Tyler. I think that’s because while That Thing You Do! is invariably pleasant, it’s also utterly bloodless. 

Nothing is played for any stakes. Giovanni Ribsi breaks his arm and loses his spot in the band to Scott, but never seems bothered that he missed out on his friends’ rocket ride. The Wonders’ first manager excuses himself with nary a peep once Hanks arrives to take over. The veteran bands on tour with the Wonders brush the newcomers off at first, but pretty soon they’re all friends. The Wonders’ bassist is infatuated with a Black singer, which would have raised eyebrows in 1964, but the relationship barely makes a ripple. Despite ample warnings that it’s coming, the conflict in the band is mild at worst. Even the love triangle involving Tyler is resolved simply and with no particular fuss -- the Wonders’ lead singer breaks up with her, the drummer takes up with her, and all is well. 

The movie presents an attractive surface -- despite all of the above, when I heard there was an extended cut I thought, “I’d hang around with these characters for 40 more minutes” -- but there’s absolutely nothing underneath it. Given the talent on both sides of the camera and the obvious care with which it was made, that’s a shame.

[selenityshiroi]

Otayuri Headcanon type things/Scenarios

Because this friendship has taken over my brain.

And, yes, I ship them too (soooo much) but I ship them because of their awesome friendship and I want to have my cake and eat it so I want lots and lots of friendship before it slowly or suddenly develops into a romance. Both would work (years of slow build or years of not being sure how relationships work until a switch gets flicked because they are both so bad at people). So this could be is a long post. (This is also the latter scenario I just raised because bullet point headcanons don’t portray slow burn all that well)

There is zero (0) romantic or sexual impulse to the start of their friendship. Otabek became fascinated by Yuri when they were both prepubescent and his interest was practically idolatry. Over the years he thought that they were alike and would get along if they met but he never thought further than ‘ask to be friends’. Considering that Yuri was well known for being fiery and standoffish he wasn’t sure he would get further than that (but was pleasantly surprised when he did).

Yuri, on the other hand, has had most of his personal relationships built on proximity with people he didn’t chose to be around (and didn’t chose to be around him). He tempers all of these relationships with angry spitting and practised disdain to cover up just how much he needs these people around him (because he has no other options). His relationship with Mila alternates between ragging on each other and helping each other perfect choreography and form. His relationship with Victor seems to be based on a mixture of wanting to learn from him and wanting to surpass him. His relationship with Yuri K is a confusing mixture of respect, jealousy and competitiveness. So being offered a friendship with no other strings attached by someone who just wants to spend time with him for the sake of spending time with him is something he never expected but is grabbing with both hands.

Most of the people in Yuri’s life get very confused as to why Yuri is so different around Otabek. Yuri K understands best (since he becomes a new outsider to the Russian rink and understands that relationships between rinkmates are formed on a mutual obligation to the proximity they share…even if they can become genuine later. Yuri P hasn’t yet learnt how to separate that initial obligation from his rinkside relationships and appreciate the connections formed beyond that.).

Several people make assumptions regarding Yuri and Otabek’s relationship based on this difference.

Said speculation dies for a bit when Otabek joins the Russian rink team off season for a series of Ice Shows. Mila decides to test the waters by asking Otabek out (she figures a) he’s hot and this is in no way a hardship for her b) if it bothers Yuri then she will back off but know there is something going on c) if Otabek rejects her they are only working together for a few weeks so no big). Otabek tentatively accepts, even if he is obviously very cautious about starting anything (since he is not good at interacting with most people), and the only reaction from Yuri (other than him not letting her cut into ‘their time’, which is fair enough for two people in a long distance friendship) is that he pulls her aside and says that if she hurts Otabek in any way shape or form that he will make her swallow her skate blades because he knows how her last relationship ended for the poor guy.

They go on four dates before they mutually and amicably decide that is enough. Otabek adds her to the list of people he feels comfortable being friendly with and Mila adds him to the list of people she deems acceptable to be around Yuri (her unofficial baby brother). Yuri doesn’t talk to her for a week after the ‘break up’ but eventually seems to realise that no hearts were broken and gets over it. No skate blades are swallowed.

However, those four dates and lack of jealousy seem to put the rumours and speculation to rest for the Russian rink, at least, even if the friendship between Otabek and Yuri continues to be utterly unique for both of them.

Otabek and Yuri have no sense of personal space between each other. (This lead into the previous speculation and rumours) Yuri has no qualms about running jump hugs when they see each other again (until he gets his growth spurt and he almost takes out Otabek like he did his grandfather) and Otabek doesn’t think anything of picking up bits of Yuri’s hair and braiding it (especially when it starts getting even longer and the temptation to mess with it increases). Video game and movie marathons take place with limbs sprawled over the same spaces.

One time at a pre-competition gathering between all of the skaters, held in the hotel lounge room, Yuri turned up later than the others, fresh off a flight and with horrible jet lag. He literally walked over all of the skaters sat on one of the couches (it was too far to walk around the couch he just took the direct route in his tired state), bridged the gap between it and the armchair that Otabek was sat in and then collapsed into it, on top of Otabek, with merely the word 'squidge’ to pre-warn him to make room for a lap-full of tired Russian cat-person. He instantly fell asleep. Half the skaters stared in disbelief, half of them were used to it. Otabek merely asked for someone to pass him his drink before going back to ignoring most of the gathering by reading on his phone.

Another time prior to a rehearsal for an Ice Show (and when post-growth spurt Yuri discovered he was NOT a Morning Person before at least one coffee) the entire cast of the Ice Show were made aware of Yuri’s new AM disposition when he and Otabek turned up with Otabek carrying two coffees and Yuri practically draped over his back, arms hanging around his neck, barely awake. His coffee was too hot to drink (because he has a kitten tongue lol) and until he got caffeine in him the only thing keeping him and his coffee cup vaguely upright was Otabek.

Otabek constantly comes back to his phone to find he has at least 20 unread messages on whatsapp from Yuri. Yuri sends random comments to him about everything from the routines he’s working on to his rinkmates to the food he ate to the clothes he went shopping for…Otabek doesn’t send anywhere near as many messages but he batch responds to everything Yuri shares and calls Yuri on skype every evening, even if they leave the call on in the background whilst they do other things or have to cut it short because their schedules are tight.

Joining each other in the off season for ice shows becomes their Thing. Organisers realise quickly that job offers to perform get accepted easier if both are invited. Some of them capitalise on this by getting them to perform together. They don’t perform pair skates or ice dances (unlike Yuri K and Victor who get offer after offer to make audiences weep with their romance) but rather they perform AT each other, telling stories with their skates. The first one they do is a story about a Hero and a Fairy (because the organisers are unimaginative). The second one, after Yuri has his growth spurt and loses some of the spriteness, is about a knight (Otabek) slaying a dragon (Yuri). Their routines end up alternating between stories of dynamic challenges and stories of partnerships and contrasting synchronicity (since they have different styles but similar skills).

Yuri’s grandfather passes away when Yuri is 19. Yuri K and Victor, still living in Russia whilst Victor continues to coach Yuri K and choreograph for Yakov, take a shellshocked Yuri P back to their newer apartment (that may or may not have a spare room that practically has Yuri P’s name on it) whilst Yakov and Lilia makes all of the arrangements that Yuri P has no idea how to deal with. In fact, Yuri doesn’t seem to know how to deal with anything as he doesn’t really react to the situation, much to everyone’s worry.

Otabek turns up as soon as he can get a flight from Kazakhstan and the moment he steps into the apartment Yuri P’s face crumples and all of the grief he’d been blocking out until then overtakes him. Otabek ushers him into Yuri’s room, out of sight, and lets Yuri cry and scream as much as he wants. No one sees much of Yuri for the next few days other than Yuri K or Victor popping their head through the door to invite them for food (always refused by Yuri P although Otabek takes some into him for him to pick at and take a few bites of later) or because they can’t help their concern. Mostly they catch him sleeping, wrapped around Otabek who is stroking his hair, or they get thrown out by a glare from Yuri because he doesn’t want anyone to see him grieving, not even Yuri K and Victor who are almost as much his family as his grandpa was (as always, Otabek is his exception).

On the day of the funeral Yuri tells Otabek that he’s done crying and now he needs to say goodbye to his grandfather. He has a shower, dresses in the suit Victor prepared for him and asks Otabek to braid his hair for him (his hands are shaking too much to do it himself). He makes it through the entire day without crying once, but his hand only rarely leaves Otabek’s. The following two days, before Otabek has to go back to training, are spent with Yuri trying to prove he can be functional. It mostly works, except for a few times when he just has to bury his face into Otabek’s shoulder (and, once, into Yuri K’s because he’s finally ready to let him and Victor help him, too). Yuri doesn’t move back out of Yuri K and Victor’s apartment for two weeks after Otabek leaves.

One time Otabek rings Yuri whilst he’s in the middle of practice. He goes rinkside to take the call and Otabek opens the call with 'Don’t freak out. I wanted you to hear this from me before you saw it on twitter.’ Yuri is instantly worried and suspicious because that is not the way to open a phone call. When Otabek elaborates the entire rink hears Yuri scream into his phone 'WHAT THE FUCK???!!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU HAD AN ACCIDENT ON YOUR BIKE??? ARE YOU OKAY??? WHAT THE FUCK! I AM GOING TO KILL YOU, YOU BASTARD!!!’. By the time Otabek has managed to reassure Yuri that he only has a few cuts and bruises and hasn’t broken any bones or torn anything (other than an awesome jacket and his favourite pair of jeans) but he really didn’t want Yuri to get the wrong idea from a sensationalist story spread across the skating grapevine of the top Kazakhstan skater being hurt in a crash, Yuri had already stolen Mila’s phone to check flights without sacrificing the ability to scream his worry into his own phone. When he realises that an emergency flight to his best friend’s hospital room isn’t necessary he practically collapses in relief and starts swearing down the phone that he will murder him with his own hands if he dies in a bike crash and, yes, he knows what he said he will somehow find a way to kill him twice.

The Katsuki-Nikiforov wedding finally takes place in the summer after Yuri P turns twenty. It doesn’t end up being the huge extravaganza everyone was expecting but ends up being a more moderate and quiet family affair, held in Hasetsu. It just so happens that Yuri’s ‘family’ includes the Nishigori’s and Minako whilst Victor’s ‘family’ includes Yakov, Lilia and his students. Chris and Phichit are invited as best friends to the grooms and Yuri sneaks Otabek in as his plus one because he is not surviving this sappy affair without back up. The rest of the skating community try not to be offended at a lack of invite to the wedding, but Victor and Yuri throw a reception party a few weeks later back in Russia that coincides with most of the skaters they know being nearby for an All Stars Ice Show that soothes over most ruffled feathers.

Also when Yuri is 20, and when weddings and love are still fresh in his mind, during the banquet after his first grand prix event of the season he ends up talking to a pairs skater he hasn’t met before but can tell is classed as ‘hot’. None of the skaters he is comfortable with is at the event so he goes along with the guy when he approaches him and manages to enjoy himself with him. When they end up kissing in a quiet corner outside, Yuri doesn’t get why he feels nothing but boring awkwardness-none of the sparks he was promised in stories by his rinkmates. He excuses himself and slips away to his hotel room as soon as he can. At his next event, even though Otabek is there and he knows he should take advantage of their time together, he targets a female skater he knows to be sensible and discrete (and who has a spin combination he would kill for that means he may have stared at her long enough to know she is pretty) and invites her for a walk outside. This lot of kissing in a quiet corner is just as boring and awkward and she is amused and completely unoffended when he pulls away.

When she says 'I figured that if you wanted to make your boyfriend jealous at least I would get a few kisses with a gorgeous gold medallist out of it, but I guess that only he does it for you’ he doesn’t quite realise what the fuck she is talking about. He goes back to Otabek and tries not to think about why he feels a little off kilter.

Two days later, when Yuri and Otabek are in different countries again, he thinks twice about what she said and wonders if it DOES need to be the right person to ‘do it for him’.

At the Grand Prix final he drags Otabek out of the banquet early and insists they go back to his room. Otabek is happy to get away from the attention, since he took gold in the final, and goes along with it. When Yuri gets him behind closed doors and kisses him, Yuri finally feels the rush of warmth and excitement everyone had described kisses to be. It doesn’t last long, though, because after a few moments of Otabek instinctively responding to the kiss, he pulls away in surprise, stares at Yuri in shock and then rushes out and back to his own room. Yuri is so confused at himself and at Otabek that he doesn’t go after him.

They don’t speak for almost four months. Yuri is busy with Nationals and tries not to be utterly distracted by the thought of how kissing Otabek seems to have opened a floodgate of thoughts and feelings he hadn’t really allowed himself to focus on before-too busy focusing on skating to think of kissing or romance or sex. Until that stupid pair skater made him question if he could even feel it at all and he went looking for an answer. And now his best friend isn’t even speaking to him so fuck everything. And then it’s been too long to just text him or skype him. And then he is too busy with the European Championships…

On the otherhand, Otabek had spent the last few years comfortable with the fact that he wasn’t all that interested in dating or relationships. He didn’t really build connections with people that easily and he had no interest in getting involved with someone without a strong connection. Because Yuri had been in his thoughts long before he had any inclination towards sex or romance, he hadn’t really given thought to the fact that maybe the close, strong bond he had wanted to create for years with Yuri could be the foundation for more. Not until Yuri kissed him and started to bridge that gap in his mind. But then he had been the one to run out of the room so he felt awkward about just calling Yuri to apologise and ask if they could talk about it because it felt too big for a phone call. And he didn’t want to upset Yuri’s prep for the Russian Nationals. And then he figured that Yuri hadn’t contacted him, either, so he was probably mad and maybe he should go to the Europeans as a spectator to support Yuri and find a way to talk in person…but actually he’s been pretty distracted and he really should get it together for the Four Continent’s because there isn’t much time between the two competitions and it is almost Yuri’s birthday and he wants to get things cleared up before then but he can’t fail at his career in the process...

When Yuri does a Gala Performance to Miley Cyrus' 'Wrecking Ball' at the Europeans Otabek almost gives up his spot at the 4CC to go to Yuri because the fact that Yuri is skating to mainstream American Pop music is enough of a cry for help without knowing what the lyrics represent

Yuri turns up at the 4CC. He’s had enough of waiting, he feels guilty and worried and antsy and a little lovesick. He never realised how much he wanted and needed Otabek in so many moments of the day until their messages and calls stopped. Otabek doesn’t know he’s there in the audience until after his freeskate, because Yuri doesn’t want to distract him before he performs. But when Otabek steps away from the post result formalities to find Yuri stood to the side of the rink, he rushes through his interviews and gives only the briefest of courtesies to the officials before he breaks away, grabs Yuri’s hand and pulls him away to the nearest private nook he can find.

They should have probably at least said hello to each other first but instead their mouths had other ideas.

Kissing really is better when a) both people are into each other and b) they’ve spent the last four months with their brains finally realising just how MUCH they are into each other.

The private nook isn’t much more than a corridor out of the main route through the stadium so they have to break apart when they realise the rest of the world isn’t that far away. That is when they go back to Otabek’s room to actually talk. Finally.

Otabek visits his boyfriend in Russia for his 21st Birthday. Victor throws a huge party that Otabek hates and Yuri only pretends to hate. They sneak away early. No one is all that surprised.