#self care on a shoestring

[hereforthefunnyguys]

Can you tell me what your favorite rare pair is as well as a few head canons for them? I'm starving for rare pair content of any kind.

On it boss

I did Irateshipping Fragileshipping and a pinch of Klepto/Boardshipping :>

Irateshipping (because its me):

-In a domestic situation they are that one couple that can never agree on what to have for a meal. Joey loves meat, Marik hates meat. Joey hates super spicy stuff, Marik likes it (the masochistic Yami Marik instinct pulled through lmao). Joey loves fatty foods like red meat and heavy cream, Marik can't stomach them due to being raised with a Delicate Constitution (tm). You could not pay Joey to eat most vegetables and Marik will literally just eat raw spinach out of the bag like some kind of gazelle creature. They literally can't even agree over how to make eggs. Horrible couple to ever visit for dinner btw

-That said I don't think Marik could survive in a domestic situation for very long because he'd go Insane. Like those exotic macaws people keep in cages meant for like parakeets that start biting fingers off. Even with the power of Twue Wuv marik simply couldn't survive without a massive amount of stimulation which either means A) hes going to be starting another gang or B) he is going to be bothering joey 24/7

-They have a pitbull named Brutus :)

-Joey is constantly undergoing the Walter White "Noooo I refuse to take your Pity Money ill pay back all my debts on my own like a Real Man!" and marik is just paying everyone off behind the scenes to keep joey from getting kicked out of their apartment

-Marik cannot be casual about Joey in any situation he will rant about him for the rest of existence and all time to anyone who will listen or someone he has forced to listen and whether thats a good or bad rant depends on the state of their relationship at the time

Fragileshipping:

-Most sickly sweet couple you have ever met in all of your life in private. In public? You would be lucky to even know they're dating. They hold hands and thats like It

-Yugi kept on setting them up on dates meetings when Atem was still in the puzzle and it didn't work so great because Atem has negative rizz and sits on the couch like hes fucking paralyzed. Luckily Ryou can be easily entertained if you are willing to listen to him infodump about some shoestring-budget horror film thats been banned in Bolivia for grossly indecent content.

-Ryou is Atems beautiful darling boyfriend who is the light of his life and Atem is Ryou's pet little card game nerd

-Atem has an insane obligation to make sure Ryou is taken care of whenever anything bad happens to him ever because in the back of his mind hes always worried about him turning into modern-day TKB

Kleptoshipping/Boundshipping:

-Fundamentally the basis of this relationship should technically be Yugi engaging in his baser "I could fix him" instinct but also he does kind of think YB/TKB is really funny as just his usual evil bastard self. hes permanently trying not to go Wow he's kind of hot when he's evil while Bakura frantically details doomsday plan #23 to the gang

-Bakura looking at Yugi: this thing is so stupid and obsessed with friendship and its friends with the Pharoah (ew!) and its sickeningly adorable and yeah im in love with it now. fuck

-Everyone in the world must die EXCEPT for my darling boyfriend :)

-They can mutually devour a hamburger in a matter of seconds. Absolute meat destroyers (NOT double entendre (they have put multiple shops out of business via resource consumption esp because TKB will often dine and ditch especially at chains))

-Bakura is eternally frustrated because Yugi keeps on ruining his plans for world domination but hes so cute while doing it :(

-Yugi has the same fundamental beliefs as TKB but is a lot quieter about it which both makes TKB really mad and on the other hand it is very very satisfying to hear someone say "no no i get where you're coming from" after 3000 years of eternal torment

-They are Thee scary cool goth couple

-Bakura owns snakes and they like to nest in Yugi's hair because he generates Warmth. They are currently competing with their owner for who gets maximum yugi time and unfortunately bakura is kind of losing

[dollartreecompassonline]

Unwrapping Holiday Cheer on a Budget: 10 Dollar Tree Gift Ideas That Wow

The holidays are a time for joy, togetherness, and... oh no, the gift budget is shrinking faster than a gingerbread house in a rainstorm! Fear not, festive friends, for the Dollar Tree, that magical realm of $1 treasures, is here to sleigh your gifting woes. With aisles brimming with hidden gems and enough creativity to fuel a thousand Pinterest boards, you can score amazing gifts that'll warm hearts without emptying your wallet. So, grab your reusable tote bag (because sustainability!), channel your inner elf, and let's dive into 10 Dollar Tree delights that'll make this holiday season sparkle, even on a shoestring budget.

1. Pamper Me Pretty:

Everyone deserves a little self-care indulgence, and Dollar Tree's beauty section is a treasure trove of pampering picks. Grab a set of glittery bath bombs for a fizzy, fragrant escape, or curate a mini spa kit with silky sleep masks, cucumber eye patches, and aromatherapy shower steamers. Add a touch of luxury with scented hand lotions and bath salts, and don't forget the finishing touch: fuzzy socks and nail polish in festive hues. Wrap it all up in a cute basket or fabric pouch, and voila! A spa day waiting to happen, for under $10!

2. Game On!:

Unleash the inner game enthusiast with a DIY game night box. Fill a decorative box with Dollar Tree's bounty: classic card games like Uno and Phase 10, miniature versions of popular board games, dice for impromptu Yahtzee sessions, and even blank playing cards for endless creativity (think Mad Libs or charades!). Throw in some festive snacks and drinks, and you've got a recipe for laughter-filled evenings all winter long.

3. Movie Magic:

Cinematic escapism awaits on the Dollar Tree shelves! Grab a selection of family-friendly or genre-specific DVDs (horror for the thrill-seekers, rom-coms for the hopeless romantics!), cozy popcorn buckets, and packs of microwaveable movie snacks. Add a plush throw blanket and some twinkle lights for ambiance, and boom! Instant home theater experience, ready to transport your loved ones to faraway lands (or just the couch next door).

Dollar Tree DVDs, popcorn buckets, microwaveable movie snacks, plush throw blanket, and twinkle lights

4. Master Chef in the Making:

For the budding culinary connoisseur, a DIY baking kit is the perfect present. Fill a jar with dry ingredients for a simple cake or cookie mix, layer in sprinkles and icing, and tie it up with a cheerful ribbon. Add a cute spatula or cookie cutter for an extra touch, and attach a recipe card for baking fun. Bonus points for creating personalized labels with the recipient's name and your secret family recipe!

5. Green Thumbs Rejoice!:

Nurture those green thumbs with a DIY terrarium kit. Grab a small glass container, some decorative pebbles, and artificial succulents or air plants (no watering worries!). Add tiny figurines or fairy lights for an enchanting touch, and package it in a decorative box. This low-maintenance plant haven is perfect for office desks or apartment dwellers, and it's a gift that keeps on giving (at least until the air plant needs a spritz!).

Dollar Tree terrarium kit with glass container, decorative pebbles, artificial succulents, air plants, tiny figurines, fairy lights, and decorative box

6. Cozy Comfort Corner:

Snuggle up and read the winter blues away with a cozy reading kit. Fill a basket with plush throws, fuzzy socks, and a selection of books from Dollar Tree's surprisingly diverse literary offerings. Choose classics, contemporary fiction, or even cookbooks for the foodie in your life. Add a cute mug and a bag of hot cocoa mix, and you've got the perfect antidote to a chilly winter day.

7. Craftastic Creations:

Unleash the inner artist with a DIY craft kit. Dollar Tree's craft section is an explosion of colorful possibilities. Grab some blank canvases, paint, and brushes, or get creative with wood crafts, jewelry making kits, or even tie-dye supplies. Throw in some decorative stickers, glitter, and pom-poms for extra pizazz, and let the imaginations run wild! This gift is perfect for kids, adults, and anyone who loves to get their hands messy (in the best way possible!).

8. Teacher's Toolbox of Treasures:

Show your appreciation for the educators in your life with a personalized "Teacher's Toolbox of Treasures." Fill a decorative container with helpful little trinkets and essentials to make their day-to-day lives a little brighter. Think coffee mug warmers, colorful sticky notes, fun pens and markers, even mini staplers. Add a pack of thank-you cards for students to express their gratitude, and throw in a cute stress ball or mini succulent for moments of zen amidst the lesson planning. This thoughtful and practical gift says "thank you" in a hundred different ways.

9. Get Crafty with Cards:

Don't underestimate the power of a handmade card! Dollar Tree's greeting card aisle is a treasure trove of blank cards, colorful tissue paper, stickers, and embellishments. Let the creativity flow: create unique pop-up designs, use glitter and glue to add sparkle, or write heartfelt messages inside. A personalized card shows you put thought and effort into the gift, and it's a keepsake that can be cherished long after the holidays are over.

10. Stocking Stuffers Galore:

No holiday season is complete without the joy of overflowing stockings! Dollar Tree Compass is a stocking stuffer paradise, with options for everyone. Grab festive candy canes and chocolates, tiny trinkets and toys, fun socks and hair accessories. For the tech-savvy, consider mini phone chargers or earbuds. For the bookworms, bookmarks and small notebooks are perfect. Don't forget the practical picks: hand warmers, lip balm, even mini first-aid kits. Mix and match with creativity, and let the stockings overflow with holiday cheer, all for a fraction of the cost.

Remember, the true magic of Dollar Tree gifts lies in the thoughtfulness and personalization. Take the time to choose items that your loved ones will truly appreciate, and don't be afraid to get creative. Add a handwritten note, wrap it in festive paper (Dollar Tree has that too!), and watch your budget-friendly gifts spark joy and laughter this holiday season. So, spread the cheer, embrace the magic of the $1, and let Dollar Tree help you weave unforgettable holiday memories, one treasure at a time.

Bonus Tip: Get the whole family involved! Make Dollar Tree shopping a treasure hunt, have kids pick out gifts for their friends and teachers, and let everyone's creativity run wild. Who knows, you might just discover some hidden talents and create holiday memories that will last a lifetime.

Happy gifting, and happy holidays!

[wanderingnork]

Horror Movies: Practical Effects Party

This list is one of movies that use primarily or entirely practical effects to make their monsters. CGI is used for enhancement, not as the primary vehicle of creation. In these movies, you could actually reach out and touch whatever fantastical creature is threatening the hapless protagonists. Here, I’ve tried to avoid a lot of the better-known practical effects movies (like Pan’s Labyrinth, The Thing, or Alien) to focus on things you’re less likely to have seen, or that used shoestring budgets to work monstrous miracles.

The Crawling Hand: A low-budget 1963 horror featuring the murderous antics of a hand that crawls. The hand is done entirely practically. You may get a good giggle out of witnessing the hand’s victims performing as their own killers, or the camera angles that just barely keep the body attached to a hand out of frame as the hand crawls along. Quality these effects are not. But this is a hand you could shake if you wanted.

The Deadly Spawn: In the heyday of practical monster effects, this low-budget 1983 movie features wonderfully gruesome aliens made almost entirely from the materials at hand. From a full-size, three-headed mechanical puppet to tiny spawn pulled by wires on S-shaped tracks to make them “swim” through a flooded basement, all of the Spawn are physically present on set. It’s a movie that’s rough around the edges, but full of heart. And full of monsters.

The Void: A better-known and much more recent horror movie, the creative team raised $82,000 on Indiegogo to create the movie’s monsters and effects. And they’re some of the most glorious, grotesque, gory beasts to ever grace the silver screen. This is one of my favorite movies ever, in any genre, just thanks to the creature effects.

Eyes in the Dark: Intensely, intensely low-budget found footage movie, full of shakycam and melodrama. Foolish, unlikeable college students take a trip into the wilderness and promptly make every cliched, stupid decision that can be made in a horror movie. The saving grace of this movie: the unique take on a classic and usually-not-scary critter, performed by puppets, people in suits, and LED eyes...in the dark.

Phase IV: A little-known movie from 1974, where a cosmic event causes ants to suddenly become sentient. The plot of scientists trying to understand and stop the ants is pretty standard sci-fi fare, but what makes this movie fun is the ants. Instead of stop-motion, puppets, or CGI, these ants are real. Microscopic photography brings us up close to the ants at an astonishing level of detail. With careful editing of their natural behaviors, the ants are given a sense of individuality and personhood, with heroic self-sacrifice, scenes of mourning, and malicious plotting. Sadly, many ants were killed during the filming of the movie, so you should go in with that knowledge. I was very sad that they died.

Some questions for thought: When practical effects are used instead of CGI, how does this affect the tone of the movie? Do actors behave differently when working with something physically present beside them? Why would a movie maker choose practical effects over CGI, or vice versa? In movies made before CGI was available or refined, do you think that affected the types of stories a movie could easily tell? Would decent CGI have improved any of the above movies? Do you find, as I do, that even poorly-made practical effects draw you further into a movie--or do they jar you out of it? What other movies would you add to this list?

[lunarscaled]

cw child abuse + neglect, disordered eating.

talking about lyrics childhood

Lyric intentionally doesn't discuss their last much, but a lot of Lyric's behavior ( enduring discomfort, poor diet, overworking, dissociation, poor personal care ) basically stem directly from their general lack of stability as a child after they ran away from home.

When Lyric ran away, their father did not report it to the police. He was too buried in his grief, his anger, and his alcoholism to feel anything but fury that Lyric had dared to leave home, and "abandon" their duties caring for their two younger siblings. Claudia was about half Lyric's age ( somewhere between 4-6 ) and Marianne was little older than 3; they relied on Lyric for much of their care the parents SHOULD have provided, but with Lyrics mother ( and their twin brother, Kamille ) dead and their father basically useless, Lyric had to do what they could. As a child of no more than 11 or 12, this was very little. They did not know how to cook, they did not know how to regularly or safely bathe young children, they did not know how to manage schedules or wash clothes or dress them properly. Claudia, with the disruption of a regular life by her mother's death, was likely not enrolled in school; the only reason Lyric's disappearance was ever reported was because THEY were enrolled in school, and after several weeks of absences, the school sent police to investigate, only to have a missing persons report filed. This incident would be the point that eventually caused Lyric's father to lose custody of the youngest children, but Lyric was long gone by then.

Because Lyric's father owned and ran a farm, Lyric had a rough, limited knowledge of wild plants. They had maybe a single guidebook with them when they left that they used mostly as a picture reference, and used it to avoid eating potentially fatal mushrooms or berries. While alone, Lyric basically ate whatever was available: berries, roots, raw meat ( which they got food poisoning from often and probably almost killed them at least once ) until they got sets of matches from a bar in one town and then it became burnt but safer meat, discarded food, birdseed, candies if they could steal them. It didn't matter if there was dignity at stake, or if it could be bad for them, or if they disliked it. They were no more than a child trying to survive. Their available food improves when they're taken in by the Circus, but the troupe was always on a shoestring budget with barely enough to go around, and everyone often ate less than desired. Even now, Lyric tends to not be very discerning in their food choices because it is both a learned survival mechanism and a dragon instinct to eat what you can, when you can.

On top of that, Lyric began taking jobs under the table almost as soon as they could, for any pay, and so they are an extreme overworker. Having nothing to do rarely sits well with them; they have to be completely exhausted to do it. They would work 65 hours a week even if they didn't need to because they feel like they need to. That if they aren't working their current lifestyle will fall through. Lyric is also extremely frugal because of this, and they hate wasting money on something they think they don't need, even if it would improve their quality of life or replace something worn down. Receiving gifts, or being spoiled by a partner, is very difficult for them for this reason.

I've also mentioned before how Lyric has poor self care habits re: their skin and hair, how they engage in actions that intentionally cause themselves discomfort or go against their own wishes, sometimes including injuring themselves in acts of self harm. Lyric would rather suffer discomfort or injury than put upon someone else, even for very small things, or things that someone has already said are okay. They take their position as Guild Leader extremely seriously and feel they can't give an edge to anyone which keeps everyone at a distance. Despite that, Lyric tries hard to be noble and honest and treat people kindly. They fear being the person their father was. They fear being angry and drunk and ruining someone's life. They don't take care of themselves because they feel all actions of self care are like an admission of weakness or guilt, and that they don't deserve it for abandoning their family.

Because of the habits Lyric developed to survive as a child, they tend to do self preservation things in the present. They don't like wasting food; they grow some of their own produce, can it, and store it for winter. They forage in the woods for edible roots and herbs. They do things like eat lemons and compost the rinds, or eat apples including the core, or crack open bones and eat the marrow. They sometimes go dumpster diving even though they're usually told to put it back or donate it if the food is in good shape and not recalled. Lyric will eat undercooked, overcooked, and burnt foods if they aren't told not to. They drink an absurd amount of caffeine and tea and don't get enough sleep. They are extremely anxious when they have to eat around others and sometimes forget to eat when they work.

a lot of lyrics bad behaviors are just things they've always done and haven't unlearned. It's hard for them to understand why they might be wrong or incorrect because those things kept them alive; their psyche is much the same way. they're uncomfortable unlearning those things because they feel unsafe without them to rely on, but it can be very hard for people around them to tolerate that for a long period. Because of that, Lyric always anticipates ending up alone.

[jetwhenitsmidnight]

Shoestring Theory by Mariana Costa

Release date: 8 October 2024

Genre: (new?) adult rom-com fantasy

If you like:

gay wizards

time travel

shenanigans

friends-to-lovers-to-enemies-to-lovers

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐💫

Synopsis

The kingdom of Farsala is broken and black clouds hang heavy over the arid lands. Former Grand-Mage of the High Court, Cyril Laverre, has spent the last decade hiding himself away in a ramshackle hut by the sea with his cat familiar, Shoestring, and suppressing his guilt over the kingdom’s ruin. For as the King, Eufrates Margrave, descended further and further into paranoia, violence and madness, Cyril, his Grand-Mage—and husband—didn’t do a thing to stop him.

When Shoestring wanders away and dies one morning, Cyril knows his days are finally numbered. But are there enough left to have a last go at putting things right? With his remaining lifeblood, he casts a powerful spell that catapults him back in time to a happier period of Farsalan history – a time when it was Eufrates’s older sister Tig destined to ascend to the throne, before she died of a wasting disease, and a time when Cyril and Eufrates’s tentative romance had not yet bloomed. If he can just make sure Eufie never becomes King, then maybe he can prevent the kingdom’s tragic fate. But the magical oath he made to his husband at the altar, transcending both time and space, may prove to be his most enduring—and most dangerous—feat of magic to date…

Content warnings

Graphic suicide, self-harm, blood, drowning

Animal death

Injury, violence

Mentions of fatal illness

Parental death

Mentions of war and famine

Harrassment

Review

Thank you to NetGalley for an ARC!

TBH, this isn't the best book. The writing style is humorous (good!) but it's very dialogue heavy, with not enough dialogue tags which makes it confusing to follow, especially when there are multiple characters in conversation (bad!). I also struggled heavily with the pacing. It starts out ok, but towards the middle everything slows down to the point of nothing happening, until it suddenly picks up again, and then it's full speed, non-stop action until the end.

THAT BEING SAID. I had lots of fun reading this! This book fully delivers on the premise. A wizard turns back time to stop the evil king from destroying the kingdom but the king is the wizard's ex-husband and he catches feelings again? Sign me up!!!

Going into this, I was a little worried about the potential age gap between Cyril and Eufrates, given that the Cyril is an older guy going back in time to his younger body, but this was quickly resolved in a way I am quite satisfied with.

There is a sort of love-triangle situation, with Cyril catching feelings for someone else, but I really didn't care for it. I found it entirely unconvincing, like, why are we bothering with this farce when OBVIOUSLY these characters are not ending up together.

I also wished there was more interaction between Cyril and Eufrates, like they actually don't interact that much. Cyril mostly talks to Tigris, whom I love VERY much, so I am completely fine with that, but since this is supposed to be a romance between Cyril and Eufrates I feel like they should have interacted more? Between all the ongoing plotting and scheming, most of their interactions are Intense Charged Moments™️, which is fine, but I wanted more relationship building stuff.

This book is also pretty light on the world-building. There's nothing wrong with this, as most of the focus is on the plot and the romance anyway, so don't go into this expecting intricate world-building and magic systems.

I realise this review might sound quite negative, like I have a lot of things to criticise, but this book really was a lot of fun!

The dynamic between Cyril and the other characters are very entertaining, and I know I criticised the amount of dialogue at the start of this review, but I loved how much time the characters spent just talking to each other. The characters are really over-the-top and dramatic, in a way that I found silly and endearing.

I noticed that some of the negative reviews for this book bring up that fact that it's marketed as a cozy fantasy, but the plot has action and pretty high stakes. That is true, but this works in my favour as I personally enjoy fantasy with more action anyway. (Although I agree that this book shouldn't have been marketed as cozy fantasy. While the writing style and settings does feel like cozy fantasy, this book has pretty intense moments that are not in line with the genre.)

A few of the other reviews also state that this book should have been marketed as MG. I strongly disagree. While the writing style is simple and humorous in a manner that may appeal to middle graders, a lot of the content is straight-up not appropriate. Like, the first chapter literally has a graphic depiction of suicide.

Anyway, if you're looking for a funny, high stakes adventure with romance, do be sure to check this book out!

[xtruss]

Blast From The Past: Why The Nord Stream Sabotage May Yet Have Its Day of Reckoning

Economic Hardship In Europe And Military Humiliation In Ukraine Mean This Pivotal Event Won’t Stay On The Figurative Sea Floor Forever

— By Henry Johnston. 28 August 2024

As We Approach the Second Anniversary of the Nord Stream Pipeline Bombing, nothing seems certain about one of the most significant acts of industrial sabotage in history.

For nearly two years, a stream of constantly shifting narratives never fully fleshed out or reconciled with each other has given the whole affair the feel of a magiclantern show illuminated by flickering torchlight.

However, earlier this month, the Wall Street Journal ventured forth with a long article purporting to, for the first time, tell the “outlines of the real story” of what happened to the one-time conduit for 35% of the Russian gas consumed by Europe.

What was clearly an attempt at a definitive semi-official version of the unsolved mystery will hardly need more than a new file name before being sent off to Hollywood as a script. We meet a quixotic group of Ukrainian military officers and businessmen who, “buoyed by alcohol and patriotic fervor,” concoct a scheme to destroy the pipeline on a shoestring budget. A small yacht is rented and a six-member crew assembled, one of whom was a woman, whose presence was intended to create the impression that the group was just a gathering of friends.

Vladimir Zelensky allegedly approved the operation initially before trying to nix it on the advice of the the CIA, which had gotten wind of it. But, alas, the team had already gone incommunicado and the daring scheme was not to be stopped.

The mix of cinematic detail, quotable lines, and careful narrative crafting gives the article the feel of what is called a ‘limited hangout’ – a view that I am not the first to suggest. This piece of spy jargon refers to a strategy of volunteering a self-contained and sensational, but relatively harmless, story, elements of which may be true, in order to conceal something more damaging. Such a technique is typically employed when it is no longer possible to sustain an entirely phony story.

Nevertheless, the piece has mostly landed with a dead thud. Swedish engineer Erik Andersson, who led the first and only independent forensic investigation at the sites of the blasts, recently gave an interview to Italian journalist Roberto Vivaldelli in which he said: “This WSJ article, as well as all previous similar story-telling pieces from major American newspapers on the subject, has a clear mission to whitewash the US and other Western nations.”

He goes on to say: “The more I look into this, the more I feel that the Nord Stream attack is just a part of a bigger scheme to cut off Russia from Europe,” adding that “the large number of institutions which participated in this scheme makes the ‘drunken Ukrainians’ story look embarrassing.”

It seems clear enough that when the truth does eventually come out, it will likely be as sordid as it is mundane, entirely unfit for Hollywood, deeply embarrassing to the West, and devoid of alcohol. And it’s extremely hard to imagine that the road to ultimate culpability doesn’t end in Washington. We may well end up not far from where veteran journalist Seymour Hersch pointed with his report claiming that the sabotage was a CIA operation carried out by US Navy divers.

The Gas Leak at the Nord Stream 2 Gas Pipeline. © Handout/Danish Defense/AFP

But there’s another angle here that can be pursued. More interesting than ‘who did it’ is to ask ‘how did they know they could’? In other words, when a brazen crime is committed and the perpetrator gets off scot-free, the question isn’t necessary ‘how did he get away with it?’, but ‘how did he know he would get away with it?’ A crime is one thing, but the apparent confidence in advance that it will entail no consequences is a matter of a much larger magnitude. The latter points to deeper forces operating within a society or even a civilization.

To underscore just how brazen this act was, consider this. The pipeline was part-European-owned and terminates in Germany, and the attack occurred in Danish territorial waters. Therefore, what we have effectively amounts to aggression against two NATO countries and, as per Article 5 of the bloc’s treaty, an act of war against NATO as a whole. A German official even admitted as much, telling the WSJ that “an attack of this scale is a sufficient reason to trigger the collective defense clause of NATO.”

And consider this in light of how touchy we know NATO to be about the least aggression on its territory – real or imagined. When an errant Ukrainian air defense missile landed in a Polish village in November of 2022, the incident was treated with the utmost seriousness. Poland requested a NATO meeting the following day on the basis of Article 4 – the bloc’s consultation clause that precedes the vaunted Article 5. So anyone carrying out what is unambiguously classified under international law as an act of war against NATO certainly does so at his own very substantial risk.

But in this case, there doesn’t seem to have been any risk, and the perpetrators seem to have known that. It is this sense of impunity that is more telling than the act itself. It means that it was well understood in the corridors of true Western power – not the beer-drenched bar stools of Ukraine – that a high level of discipline within the trans-Atlantic bloc could be maintained, and that the European countries affected would do exactly what they have done – go to any length not to implicate their powerful ally.

As a corollary to that, the ability to manage narratives in the media must have been seen as nearly absolute, not only in the US but across Europe. The perpetrators must have been confident that no major mainstream outlet would cut loose with a non-state-approved investigation. And indeed none have. This is as good evidence as any that the Western mainstream media, all pretentious claims to the contrary notwithstanding, has come to perform a role akin to a public-relations department for their various governments.

All of this may seem self-evident, and the perpetrators of the sabotage certainly calculated correctly that they could count on the type of discipline described above. But this begs a deeper question – what exactly is at the root of this capitulation to the American-supplied narrative across the myriad of European governments, institutions, think tanks, and media? Washington can perhaps count on a certain amount of domestic loyalty, but why Europe? This is a phenomenon that cannot be sufficiently explained by the standard appeals to American military power or economic might – or whatever threats or blackmail Washington can muster. This is particularly the case given that Europe has largely gone against its economic interests in confronting Russia.

In contemplating Europe’s inability to think critically about its own policies or carve out its own path separate from the US, the excellent Swedish analyst Malcom Kyeyune has identified a phenomenon that he calls “Europe’s mental deindustrialization.”

Abuse Only Gets Worse With Time: How the US Increasingly Mistreats Its Closest Allies! A mainstay of Washington’s policy since even before the end of World War II has been to make economic dependencies of its friends

While physical deindustrialization – the shutting down of factories, laying off of workers, and decay of productive capacities – is still underway, Kyeyune sees this mental deindustrialization as a fait accompli. The result is “a growing intellectual and cultural dependence on a superpower that is itself in a state of decadence.”

He goes on to discuss how the American and European political cultures have become all but interchangeable. He gives examples of how in 2016, many in the Swedish media were talking about the threat of Donald Trump as if Sweden were the 51st state; when George Floyd was killed and riots spread across the US, Germans and Brits started protesting as well. The European left, he notes, has begun parroting American progressive rhetoric about “settler colonialism” and “dismantling internalized whiteness,” whereas the right has likewise begun sounding the alarm about cultural Marxism and wokeness on campuses.

It wasn’t always this way, Kyeyune explains. He argues that despite the existence of a Western geopolitical bloc, the political culture of Europe was fundamentally independent until the fall of the Soviet Union. But in recent decades, he says, “the institutions that once existed to incubate domestic thinking have all atrophied and been left to rot.” Accordingly, this has rendered Europe “intellectually, culturally, and politically subordinate to a superpower increasingly incapable of performing the role it took on in the post-Cold War geopolitical order.”

Europe, he concludes, is therefore “stuck rehashing old narratives about freedom, civilization, and the West, clinging to assumptions that have been proved obsolete by events in Ukraine and the Middle East.” I would add that these notions themselves have largely been emptied of their original meaning and are now mostly employed by the Western political class to justify their own rule and bludgeon their adversaries. If Kyeyune is correct, sickly Europe simply doesn't have the antibodies anymore to resist the loudly amplified political culture from across the Atlantic.

Almost exactly a century ago, William Butler Yeats wondered “what discords will drive Europe to that artificial unity – only dry or drying sticks can be tied into a bundle – which is the decadence of every civilization?” Far downstream from this is the mental deindustrialization about which Kyeyune speaks. And of course only in such a desiccated state would a nation or group of nations allow an act such as the Nord Stream sabotage to go almost unremarked upon.

And yet the story may not be fully told. It is not uncommon for events to take on a more potent meaning long after their occurrence, and one senses that such a fate may await the Nord Stream sabotage, especially in light of what is shaping up to be a hard reckoning in the West in the coming years.

The economic reverberations of the loss of Russian gas have not stopped. Several months ago, the CEO of German renewables group RWE predicted that Germany would probably never fully recover from the 2022 energy crisis and that it would see “significant structural demand destruction in the energy-intensive industries.“ A report published by the German Chamber of Industry and Commerce based on surveys taken this past June showed a distinct trend toward entities leaving Germany as a business location, particularly in the industrial sector.

Henry Johnston, A Moscow-Based RT Editor Who Worked in Finance for Over a Decade

One industrial manager said, “the deindustrialization of Germany has begun, and it feels like no one is doing anything about it.” Germany’s economic model may be beyond repair.

Meanwhile, the singular aim of inflicting defeat upon Russia via Ukraine seems to be headed for an embarrassing and shattering denouement, all while the West has shown itself entirely not up to the task of handling the industrial demands of a real conflict.

Such foreboding developments may well sober minds. Economic hardship and military humiliation do not tend to sit well. Maybe then the Europeans can ‘reshore’ their mental faculties and see the Nord Stream sabotage for what it really was – a desperate ploy to bind by force the last completely loyal bastion of the American empire.

Carl Jung once said that there are certain events “that remain… below the threshold of consciousness. They have happened, but they have been absorbed subliminally.”

Perhaps the Nord Stream sabotage is just that sort of event. There has been no public reckoning, no true assessment of its meaning – only a constantly shifting narrative and endless deception and prevarication. It has been dismissed, downplayed, and hushed up. Its patrons told to “apologize and be quiet.“

The true contours of the Nord Stream blasts likely won't be traced publicly anytime soon, but deep down, below the threshold of our collective consciousness, we have a good sense of what this whole sordid affair is really all about. It will not stay on the figurative sea floor forever.

[annieandro]

You're looking for a new situation You have a complete encyclopedia of new ideas Uh, do you believe that a careful, conservative, play-it-by-the-book boss needs a little shaking up? Do you think the man that says little, sees little? Don't work for a Taurus He moves slowly, and keeps his silence He can take so long to go into action you get nervous waiting for something to happen You'll just have to hold you breath until he's ready But be sure, he will make his move And when he does it will be a big one That will take you along with it To be led by the bull is to follow method Not madness He has a reason for everything he does And doesn't take kindly to being questioned On the other hand, he doesn't lean on you Which is a big bonus Because he is a very heavy leaner You're looking for someone to fill a position?Well, if what you want is a charlie-up, wheeler-dealer promotion type Who has a fast pitch and is kind of a king con Who makes a shoestring catch on every deal And blinds clients with dazzling footwork and platinum cuff links Don't hire a Taurus His broad shoulders are made for the quiet responsibility The two thirds of the iceberg underneath That you don't see, but which contains most of the weight He goes for perfection and thoroughness And feels best when he's building something From self or someone else He can be the glue Which holds the whole thing together

[moondeathhorror]

saw x good

Spoilers for Saw X, obviously, but also the rest of the franchise.

What people who haven't seen Saw don't get about it is that it's not exactly torture porn—it's basically a soap opera centered around John Kramer, the Jigsaw Killer, that has torture porn elements. In fact, I think this dual identity is essential to any entry in the franchise, and you need to be invested in both halves for a Saw movie to really work.

So far, I can't think of a Saw that has truly failed on the "torture porn" half. Each movie features at least one or two solid traps (even Spiral!), and they manage to be pretty consistently inventive, letting them be memorable even when the characters trapped in them are lame as all hell. No, where Saw more often fails is on the "soap opera" angle, and that's because unfortunately, the series is bad about keeping good characters around.

ah fuck we killed that guy

The shoestring budgets, rapid production schedule, and hot-potato hiring of the Saw movies ensured that at no point would anyone get to sit down and pre-produce much of anything. Films kept getting greenlit and what are you gonna do, not have a Saw movie out in time for Halloween and the annual "Give 'Til it Hurts" blood drive?? Stupid fool. Of course they were gonna rush the first technically cogent thing out the door and onto the screen! And that's what they did—from 2004 (first Saw) until Saw VII in 2010, there was one out every year.

This seat-of-the-pants mode of writing gave rise to a Saw formula that relied on both a constant stream of pivotal deaths and a sensational twist in the last act. Every film needed a big character reveal, and because the only three real categories in the franchise are "Jigsaw apprentice", "trap victim", and "police", you can guess what happened. The identity of the Saw franchise became, not only torture porn, but the breathless story of Kramer and his apprentices outfoxing the police, complete with blackmail, skulduggery, and betrayal.

This caused some issues, but the Saw series got around these by being famously nonlinear. You kill Kramer in Saw III because you need a big-shock ending? That's OK! Let's hide a tape in his stomach and set the next movie at the same time! You need a big twist for the "final" Saw movie that upends everything we knew so far? Fuck it just show that Wesley was an apprentice the whole time!

The garbled wall of Polaroids and string that is Saw's timeline is a direct consequence both of the quick productions and the third-act twist expectation. Maybe it's confusing and stupid, but it's a central part of the franchise. Saw's story would be nothing without the constant twists and knots. And we care about this constant twisting and untwisting because we've gotten invested in the characters, or at least the character of John Kramer and his constellation of apprentices, and by extension the efforts of the cops to catch them.

so why doesn't Jigsaw work?

A few would argue it does! I have one friend in particular who resolutely insists that it is overhated (though even she would say "works" is a strong word).

What I feel about Jigsaw is that it is uncomfortable with being a Saw film and performs Saw unconvincingly. It's got a scene with Kramer because of course it's gotta have a scene with Kramer, but it's more invested in him giving Jigsaw's new villain that apprentice cred. It's got traps, obviously, but Buckethead and the death collars are kinda aped from previous movies. It's got the detective story and silly reveal going on, but many of Logan's actions feel performed specifically for the benefit of the audience (ironically, empty and theatrical), so it falls flat.

Fundamentally, I think Jigsaw is a bit embarrassed about being a Saw movie and thinks the solution to that is insistent self-seriousness rather than leaning in. It also looks higher-budget, like more of a production, than the previous films, but feels less distinctive as a result. To be honest, I'm a bit of a Spiral defender in this regard; even though it's a bad movie, it is at least successful in doing something new with the franchise, adding some comedy to it and creating a different guy, as compared to Jigsaw, which seems interminably indecisive, uncomfortable with what it is.

back to Kramer

The centerpiece of Saw X's engoodening. X seems committed to making Kramer the protagonist, which is hilarious to watch—the scene in which he calculates the position of Cecilia's hideout is shot, graded, and lit almost like a prestige drama. When we see that he's sketching out the Rack, there's no scary sting, it's just another silly wacky thing lovable old Tobin Bell is thinking about! We even see him display real remorse when Carlos gets caught up in his trapping of Cecilia's gang. X does what no Saw film before has yet had the balls to do and goes straight to "John Kramer as sympathetic protagonist". There's no soap opera in the previous two, no Jigsaw je nais sas quoi. They're clean, pretty, open-and-shut, fucking stupid on a level far too simple.

John Kramer's introduction changes all of this. We get the immediate investment that attends the series regular, the entry is instantly building on already-established events (or, as is Saw's way, awkwardly inserting new ones edgewise), and the trap setup feels like a true return to Jigsaw-Killer form. It's not that the trial maze format is a bad one per se, but you don't need it to make a good Saw movie, and so the creators went without.

lean the fuck in

Essentially, Saw X is a good movie because it is a committed and enthusiastic addition to the Saw franchise. It's not trying to reboot or factory-reset everything. it knows that the characters it has created are magnetic and so it brings them back. It's not trying to add new elements to the franchise that aren't really necessary, like wacky comedy hijinks or Logan. It delivers on the "torture porn" and it delivers as an additional episode in the Ballad of John Kramer, giving it the elements that it needs to succeed as a worthy entry in the Book of Saw.

[mehakzz]

What's the right age to start preschool

Most inexperienced parents are confounded about the right age to select youngsters for a preschool program. While the choice to enlist kids is not entirely settled by a few factors, the most significant ought to be youngster status.

A neighbor's youngster began preschool at age two, while one more companion demanded self-teaching until four. Most unseasoned parents are confounded about the right age to select youngsters for a preschool program. While most of preschools concede kids at age three, a rising number are conceding youngsters as soon as 1.5-2 years. The choice to select kids is not set in stone by a few factors, for example, a mother's need to get back to work. Yet, the main element ought to be youngster preparation.

The perfect opportunity

Most schools utilize ordered age as the rule for school preparation and confirmation. Nonetheless, it's more critical to guarantee that a kid has the accompanying abilities prior to beginning pre-kindergarten class.

• Kids ought to be latrine prepared and ready to impart to a grown-up when they need to utilize the latrine.

• Ready to dress with the exception of fastening shirts and tying shoestrings.

• Ready to stand by for brief periods.

• Prepared to invest energy away from guardians/parental figures.

• Equipped for conveying needs and paying attention to other people.

• Should be weaned from the taking care of container a couple of months preceding beginning expertly regulated youth care and instruction (ECCE).

Benchmarks of a decent preschool

While choosing suitable pre-primaries for their kids, guardians ought to check the accompanying boxes:

Security. Check in the event that the school is truly, genuinely, and physically alright for your kid. Actual well-being covers cleanliness and neatness of learning spaces, latrines, and play regions. A few schools will quite often put resources into low-quality plastic toys and materials that could be poisonous.

Profound security includes cooperation among kids and educators and how the last option manages testing conduct, fear of abandonment, and postponements and deviations in learning. A great preschool program is non-upsetting and doesn't rashly force scholarly learning with kids permitted to commit errors and learn at their own speed. Assuming educators use dangers, pay-offs, and discipline, it's not genuinely ok for youngsters.

To guarantee sexual security, investigate the school for 'dim spaces' that can be utilized by victimizers and furthermore request that the administration lead severe historical verifications, everything being equal.

Assuming there are warnings in any of these three well-being benchmarks, striking the school on your shortlist is prudent.

Framework. Aside from the scholastic foundation, guardians ought to check in the event that there is adequate light, natural air, and outside play regions including a very much kept up with sandpit and exercises to animate investigation. In the event that a preschool works in an indoor space with restricted regular lighting or is "completely cooled", reconsider picking this school. A decent preschool gives sufficient chances for indoor and open-air play.

Instructional method/theory. Each youth training teaching method has it's in addition to focus. Assuming you are enthused about sending your kid to a school that follows a specific ECCE theory, invest energy in exploring it. A portion of the well-known youth instruction methods of reasoning incorporate Montessori, Reggio Emilia, and Waldorf. Pick a pre-essential that you accept will assist your kid with getting significant and pleasant ECCE.

Educator/staff quality. A great preschool guarantees that its educators and staff are thoroughly prepared in at least one ECCE teaching method. Really focusing on and showing small kids requires extraordinary abilities and preparation. Check with guardians of now-enlisted youngsters to grasp the nature of understudy educator intelligence.

Evaluations and discipline. Preschool educational plans should be age-proper with no pressure forced on youngsters to learn. Evaluations of learning results ought to be a record of steady improvement as opposed to a grade of dominance accomplished. Notwithstanding evaluations, check in the event that the school has a decent strategy for discipline. Educators who utilize any type of discipline — dangers, pay-offs, or whipping could make your youngster learning disinclined forever.

Ailment and crises. Check whether the school executives have planned cycles and arrangements to manage crises and disease. Rumored preschools as a rule have a medical caretaker or thoroughly prepared instructor to give emergency treatment during crises.

[treadmilltreats]

No Mother's Day calls

I saw so many posts on social media this week about the wonderful things many people's children did for them on Mother's Day. I also saw many posts from parents who didn't even hear from their children, which broke my heart.

I can't imagine not celebrating my mother on Mother's Day or throughout the year, for that matter. But I had a close relationship with her. I also have a close relationship with my girls as well. But to not even call your mother on Mother's Day? Seriously, what is wrong with some people.

Now I get it if your mother was a drunk, or beat you every day or abandoned you to raise yourself, I get that. But no parent is perfect. They don't give us classes or even a manual on what to do when we have children. You are just winging it, hoping to do better than our parents or if you had a wonderful childhood, at least as good as them.

Your mom may not be perfect, but she is still your mom, regardless. She still fed you, clothed you, made sure your homework was done, and got you to school. She raised you the best she knew how to and for most of us on a shoestring budget, many alone and without help.

She still deserves some credit and acknowledgment on this day.

Sometimes, no matter what you do right in raising your child, it doesn't matter. You may have been the best parent in the world, and your children grow up to be self centered schmucks. Many times, it's not you. It's them. And you can't blame yourself for something that is lacking in their very soul.

Especially if they are adults now, this lack of compassion is on them, not you.

So today, my friends, remember long and hard who comforted you when you had a bad dream. Who cared for you when you were sick, who encouraged you and was your biggest cheerleader? It was always and will always be your mom. I say this all the time. You never know what will happen. So whatever beef you got, get over it because one day your mom will no longer be here, and you are going to wish she was.

"Be the change you want to see"

@TreadmillTreats

​"Be the change you want to see"

@Treadmilltreats

"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

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The Blessing in Disguise.... revealed

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[sadderbutwisergirrl]

I had a three day self-care weekend. It was Veterans Day and I had the first Saturday off in months. My husband was in Ohio to visit his parents. I’ve never lived alone, after my parents, I’ve always been married or lived with my children until Ariana passed so I have a deep need for solitude at times. Thanks to friends and family for understanding.

For the last several years I was too exhausted and stressed to keep making my gluten free snacks but I made four different batches this weekend! I’m unable to still my mind to practice yoga or meditation yet but I went around the house singing (badly) for the first time in years. I finally used the old henna that was in the freezer for years.

I didn’t get to the huge stack of library books or my sewing pile but I watched movies from the library, Across the universe, Norma Rae (amazing performance by Sally Field!), and and Anthony Bordain’s a Cook’s tour. I made a cocktail called winter honey whiskey with bourbon. I took catnaps and checked off a long list of minuscule tasks as well, such as oiling the cutting boards.

I also spent time “talking” to Ariana and crying, of course but it wasn’t crying all day like I sometimes do. ❤️

@lizmoody lavender lemon cookies, orange almond butter protein bars, high protein monster cookies (without the coated candies)

@glutenfreeonashoestring chocolate chip cookie dough bars

[copias-thrall]

How would Mary goore react to hurting someone he genuinely cares about? I absolutely Love your writing!💕

Hello, nonny! Thank you, I love this ask!

This was going to be  alist, but it got away from me! 😅 

Enjoy 😘 

It wasn’t anything big.

Just a few of Mary’s favorite beers (the craft kind—not the shitty beer he drank on his shoestring budget), some of that chronic shit you’d scored and have been saving for a special occasion, and a VHS box set of horror movie classics.

***

Mary comes in and out of your life at will, and that was something you accepted—knowing he was As Is or not at all. And honestly—no, really—you liked that. You had your own shit going on, and being Mary’s expected caregiver was NOT something you wanted to add to that list.

(If someone else wanted to try to tame him and pick up after him, well…kudos to them. Less work for you.)

Mary showed up on your pivotal days and he rubbed your feet and always invited you out to trivia. You'd held him when he was coming down from a bad trip and listened to his grievances and gave him a place to stay when he was persona non grata at his own. And in a way, that made you always feel like #1 in Mary’s world…and that was good enough for you.

***

A few months ago, Mary had been lying on your couch, picking the label off his beer bottle.

“I’m gonna be away for a bit,” he’d said.

“Oh?” you’d responded as you’d mashed the controls on your gaming controller.

“Yeah. I mean, I’ll be around…but I got some shit going on.”

You’d paused your game.

“Bad shit?”

He’d waved you off.

“Neg. Just tryna get myself out there. Signed up for open mics and shit.”

He’d shifted, his long legs receding from around you and folding under him.

“So, like…I got my job at the bowling alley…but nights and weekends are kinda shot.”

You’d tried not to let the disappointment show on your face. You supported Mary’s dreams, and that meant not making an issue that he was finally trying to do something about them.

This wasn’t against you. It was for him.

When you’d taken too long to respond, his face had scrunched.

“But if you want—”

“It’s fine, Mare,” you’d said as you’d made yourself smile. “This is important to you, so it’s important to me.”

You’d unpaused your game.

“Just don’t expect me to not beat this game without you.”

He’d grabbed the controller out of your hands with a snarl, causing you to cry out when you died.

“Fuck the game.” His hand had fisted your shirt. “Give me a night to remember.”

You had. Twice.

***

Mary had texted you occasionally over the next few weeks—a few memes, a few drunken key-smashes, a dick pic, and 2 grainy videos of his performances for critique—but such contact was sporadic, and you’d never seen him in real-time. 

He’d blown in one night, five weeks in, with a box of pizza just as you'd been heading out to meet your crew. When you’d told him you’d made plans, he’d looked so crestfallen that you’d caved and canceled on them.

While he’d been there, he’d given you a date in 3 weeks.

“That Saturday I have nowhere to be,” he’d said as he’d chewed. “I can spend the whole day with you.”

You’d been careful not to seem too eager.

“Oh yeah? Should I plan shit?”

He’d crammed the whole crust into his mouth and had given you a doughy grin.

“Why ���’ya think I told you?”

You didn’t know what you’d expected, but when he’d had to bounce 90min later, you were still surprised. (That was hardly enough time to digest!)

“Sorry,” he’d winced. “I gotta be on a bus in 45min.”

He’d left, and you’d been too embarrassed to join your friends who were only just going to the second bar.

Having fun with your man ;) ? one of your friends had texted.

What do you think? You’d texted back before changing into your pjs and turning on Netflix.

***

So maybe you were low-key excited about your day with Mary.

Perhaps you’d spent those 3 weeks figuring out the perfect date—something that said, “I missed you,” without saying “But in a clingy way.”

Beer and horror were two things the both of you were totally into, and you knew he’d be exhausted, so it seemed perfect. You’d bought the boxed set off of eBay and splurged for expedited shipping; you’d borrowed your brother’s old dual TV/VCR from his college days; and you’d forgone your weekly Chinese takeout for the craft beer funds. (And if things got steamy, well…even better.) 

***

A few days before The Date, you’d run into Mary on the bus. You were coming home from a shift, and he was going to his.

He’d brightened and waved you over—as if you weren’t already on your way—and you’d plopped down beside him with a tired grin. You’d told him of the latest entitled asshole, and he’d showed you another clip of him on guitar.

Before your stop had come up, you’d tentatively placed your hand over his.

“We still on for Saturday?”

He’d blinked at you a few moments before grinning.

“Yeah.”

“Should I plan a whole day for us, then?”

His arm had crept around your shoulders before pulling you into him to kiss your temple.

“Yeah, why not.”

***

That morning, you wake up happy. 

Mary will be over soon.

You roll over and grab your phone.

When should I expect you? :-* 

It takes him an hour to respond. You aren’t surprised—Mary isn’t known for being a morning person—so when your phone dings, you grab it up excitedly.

An excitement that dies when you read his text. And reread. And re-reread.

not 2day 

goin upste 2 show 

You blink.

What show? Didn’t we confirm? 

yeah. got me thinkin 

why no show? 

so i chked 

i missed one 

gotta do it 

Rage blooms hot, then cold behind your eyes and down your cheeks.

But you said we had the whole day. I made plans. 

save em 

ths is impt 2 me 

We’ve had this planned for weeks. 

i thot u suprted me 

on a bus cnt tlk 

You send a few more irate texts, but he doesn’t respond, and you toss your phone across the room with a shout of frustration. You scrub the hot tears from your eyes before they can fall.

And…on paper, Mary isn’t wrong. Nothing you had planned won’t keep: movies, beer, takeout.

But…

It gives you a stark look at what you mean to Mary. He gave you this date and confirmed it. He knew you were making plans.

How long was he going to wait to tell you he wasn’t even in the city anymore?

You fight the urge to kick the VHS tapes across the floor, but you open the fridge and grab a beer. If Queen Elizabeth could have beer for breakfast, then it was good enough for you.

Once you’ve downed all eight, you move on to the jug of vodka you keep for cleaning.

When you empty only liquid from your stomach into the toilet, you grab your frozen fries out of the freezer. You roll a handful of the cold ones in your mouth as you wait for the others to crisp in the oven, and once you’ve consumed the cooked ones, you go right back to the vodka.

***

Opening your eyes the next morning is a mistake, so you take a few deep breaths and go back to sleep.

When you wake again, your heart is fluttering, your stomach turns, and it feels like there’s an ice pick behind one eye. Shuffling slowly, you make your way out to your kitchen where you take some painkillers, drink some pickle juice, and eat two slices of plain bread.

The sense that you did something awful stays with you, but you’re in no condition to find your phone and see what you’ve done. Instead, you go back to bed. It takes more deep breathing to settle yourself, but once you do fall asleep, you’re out for hours.

You don’t feel amazing when you swim to consciousness again, but you feel at least like a human being. 

Your phone is dead when you find it under the sink, and waiting the 5 or so minutes for it to charge feels like waiting to face the executioner.

It’s both better and worse than you expected.

You breathe a sigh of relief to see that there are no vague social media posts, and you didn’t drunk dial any of your friends, but…

The texts to and from Mary are ugly.

Apparently, you’d managed not to send him angry texts until he’d sent you another clip of his performing. But then the floodgates had opened.

You’d started with telling him you didn’t give a shit about the show, how he was an inconsiderate ass, and then you'd devolved into incomprehensible, typo-ridden texts that accused him of using you, that you were only something to do when he didn’t have anything better to do, that he was an entitled man-child and if he didn’t apologize, you were done.

Mary’s texts in response range from him being angry at your disregard, to heated retorts you were blowing this out of proportion (and he didn’t appreciate your “ad hominem” attacks), to a cool detachment that this wasn’t working over text and he’d finish this in person.

You put your head in your hands but are too dehydrated to cry.

***

Mary doesn’t text you again during his self-imposed time frame.

You don’t text him either, but that’s more out of self-preservation than pride. There’s no point exacerbating the situation…and you’re pretty sure there’s no coming back from this, so why speed up the inevitable?

The horror tapes taunt you every time you walk by them, and you wonder if you can return them (you can’t). You give the TV back to your brother, and when he asks you how it went, you plaster a smile on your face and say, “Great!” with forced enthusiasm you hope comes across as genuine.

The primo weed goes over to your friend’s house, and the two of you wax poetic all night about existential claptrap as you devour two cheese pizzas and a bag of bbq chips. You talk about Mary without talking about Mary, and you get a heartfelt, “Sorry, dude.”

You beat the video game anyway, but it’s mostly because you needed something to occupy your mind and less out of spite (though that’s there as well).

***

Despite waiting on tenterhooks to hear anything from Mary, you truly don’t really expect to. You know you’d been atrocious, even if it had been prompted by his careless disregard, and you know Mary isn’t really the kind of guy that troubles himself with relationships that are hard.

Not that you’re in a relationship.

So when there’s a knock on your door a week later and Mary’s behind it, you’re genuinely surprised.

You gape through the peephole in shock.

“Fuck. If you’re there, just let me in, ok?”

Fumbling with the chain, you unlock the door and crack it open.

“Mary?”

“You gonna let me in?” he rasps.

You shrug and step away from the door, and he shuffles inside. He looks around like you’ve changed anything (you haven’t), before turning around to face you.

You close the door and stare back.

He folds his arms. “Breaking up with someone over text is tacky.”

What you think is, So you’ve come to do it in person, but what you say is, “Can’t break up if you’re not together.”

He winces and runs his fingers through his hair. 

“Yeah…apparently I’ve ‘taken advantage' of you.”

This…isn’t what you’re expecting.

“I…what?”

“Can we sit down?”

You nod, and Mary sits rigidly on the edge of your couch. You curl up in the chair on the opposite side.

He rubs his palms down his greasy jeans before he speaks.

“I mean…you pissed me off, ok?”

You nod.

“But, like—you weren’t wrong, ok? I kinda knew that deep down, but I’m a dumbass, you know?”

You don’t nod.

“And I kinda bitched about the whole thing…but the resounding response was that I was the asshole.”

He angles his body toward you.

“I guess I’ve kinda been treating you like my best friend that I fuck sometimes.”

Your entire face flushes—you’d always thought you’d maybe ranked a little higher than that—and you duck your head so he can’t see the tears that you blink back.

There’s a swish of fabric, and you startle hard when Mary’s hand is at your chin. He jerks back with a Sorry.

“Shit—that’s not what I…” he blows out a breath and puts his hands behind his head before looking back up at you.

“But you aren’t, and…fuck this is harder than I thought.”

So this is it.

Waiting for him to do the deed is clearly going to be excruciating, so you take charge of this whole shit-show.

“I understand,” you say flatly.

“You do?”

“It’s ok, Mare-Mary. It’s my own fault for reading too much into it. I just…I saw what I wanted to see, I guess. I know you don’t need…” you look down into your lap, “…my shit in your life.

He makes a noise low in his throat, and then he’s squatting in front of you, his hot hands planting on your knees.

“But I want your shit in my life.”

You squint your eyes at him.

“But what I said…”

He grasps your hands in his.

“Pissed me off, yeah…cuz I wasn’t fucking thinking, ok? You’re like one of the only people who gives a crap about what’s important to me. And all I could see was you suddenly…not.”

Anger wells up in you again, and you yank away your hands.

“Weeks, Mary…weeks of you all over the tri-state area, and you thought I didn’t care because of one night?! A night you promised to me?”

He sits back on his heels. “I know…fuck. Ok? At the time, it just felt…like the show couldn’t be rescheduled. Our night could.”

Because you’re what he does when he’s bored.

You curl in on yourself.

“Shit.” He leans forward again. “Fuck, I’m sorry, ok? I’m fucking on my knees here.”

You blink at him. 

What? 

“Please, please don’t break—say we’re done.”

“What?”

“Look, we can go into my shitty fucking psychological profile on why I fuck around later…but right now I need you to know that I knew it was you before I fucking knew it was you.”

You uncurl.

“That…’what’ was me?”

He knees forward and presses your hands to his face.

“The one I wanna spend my free time with. The one whose opinion means the most. The one who was the first person I wanted to share all my good shit with. You’re the one I missed, and—after that awful fucking night—everything felt pointless because I knew I couldn’t come over and jam about it.”

“Mare—what are you saying?”

“I’m saying I’m a fucking dumbass. I’m saying I thought I was pissed at you, but I was pissed at myself for fucking it up.” He sighs. “I’m saying no fucking one was on my side and they all told me to get my shit together.”

He looks up at you with wide eyes, and for the first time, you can see how they’re outlined in red, his subtle crow’s feet more pronounced.

“So, you’re not done with me? I’m not…too much trouble?”

He shakes his head in disbelief. “What? Shit, no. I’m asking you to not be done with me. I’ll give you all the nights you want. Fucking text me, and my ass’ll be here posthaste.” He shifts up, and his thumb ghosts over your lips. “Anything to get you to give me that secret smile again.”

“Secret smile?” you ask while trying to perform the action.

Mary actually blushes.

“Uh…yeah. You get this…” he makes a motion across his face, “…when you’re giving it back to me.” His fingers shove back through his hair as he casts his eyes down. “You don’t give it to anyone else.” He rubs the back of his neck. “I’ve made a study of it.”

You’re a swirl of emotions. Mary’s apologized—has admitted he was wrong and has asked for…more—but you’re still hurt. And embarrassed.

But he’s looking up at you with wet, hopeful eyes.

“Do you…” you start carefully, “…do you know why I got so mad?”

That statement was clearly not what he was expecting, and he blinks at you a few times before nodding and looking down at the floor.

“I made a…uh, commitment…to you. And I treated it like it didn’t mean anything.”

He gives you a look like, Did I get it right? and that’s close enough—even if he’s missing some of the nuance.

You nod. “And I know I…wasn’t…the best.”

His face contorts, and your heart sinks.

“You…” he shakes his head. “You said some awful things…some hurtful shit—and it really got in my head.”

Mary gives you a complicated look.

“Shit that you’d been pissed about for a while.” He traces your knee. “Shit you could’ve said to me…but shit I should have noticed. Fuck.” He presses his forehead into your knees, and you can’t stop yourself from sinking your fingers into his hair.

He takes it as encouragement and presses into you before looking up again.

“I just kinda wanna put that whole night behind us. It feels like a fucking ouroboros of fault. And like maybe I created it. But let’s agree to like…not do that again.”

You look down at him, and his eyes search your face.

“Ok…but what does all this mean, Mare? I can’t…I need to be something to you, ok? More than just your friend.”

Mary nods emphatically, and he takes your hand and curls his into it.

“No more fuck-ups, and no one else…can we start there?”

He’s saying all the right words, but you’re still trepidatious—you know Mary, and he doesn’t like constraints.

“I…just…how can I believe you?”

He shakes his head like he can’t believe you even have to ask. He rises and awkwardly reaches out to touch your face before drawing his hand back.

“Cuz you’re important to me. I care about you, and I don’t want to lose you. Ever.”

And yeah. Ok.

[regrettablewritings]

Hello there, can I request number 1, 4, 8 and 11 for Foggy? Tysm <33

No, hun, thank you so much! I love this teddy bear of a lawyer <3

1. Which one is the better cook?:

You are by technicality: You know the basics, you know how to whip up a meal for a small gettogether and all that jazz. But when it comes to skill and resourcefulness? A challenger approaches, and he is known as Foggy the Thrifter.

This man knows how to put together a small meal on a shoestring budget. This man knows how to scan your fridge, take the one remaining egg and ketchup bottle and some crackers from the pantry, and turn it into something vaguely edible.

Not every meal he makes is a winner, but you'll definitely not be without at least something to nibble on by the end of the night. He's almost like a soldier in that way, in that he can throw a bunch of crap into a pot and then chow down on it because no, it's not even three stars-worth of grub, but it's necessary grub.

4. What they do on date night:

Foggy's constantly tired and constantly trying to keep money in the wallet. So honestly? You've become a regular at Rosie's. Yeah, it was bound to happen regardless if only because Foggy himself is a regular, but the point still stands: This is your watering hole now, just as much as it's his.

You don't mind it, of course, as you've come to love the regulars that haunt the hole-in-the-wall. But that doesn't mean it doesn't thrill you with a bit of relief when the month has been good to Foggy, money-wise. If a case goes well, or a client has pulled some strings, then put on your best, baby, we're hittin' the town!

Foggy himself may not be the most interested in fanciness, but he'll be damned if he doesn't take the chance to take his girl out to a nice establishment where they needn't worry about a bar fly clogging the toilet, or a fight breaking out at the pool table.

Fancy restaurant doesn't float your boat, either, though? He's perfectly fine with just taking you to one of the literal millions of local gems hiding throughout Manhattan -- or even one of the other boroughs, if you're willing to have an adventure. Just . . . make sure you stick close to him, okay? And have that pepper spray at the ready.

On top of that, though, he'd also really like to save up and take you out to a show, on or off Broadway. It's cheesy, yes, but you live in New York for god's sake!

8. What they argue about:

Compared to his friends, Foggy is the most risk-averse. Granted, his friends include a guy who backflips around, micromanaging the shit out of twenty blocks, and a chick who leaps before thinking more than half the time (and mostly without even telling anyone she's about to take the leap anyway). So it's unfortunately fairly easy to take his sense of self-preservation and willingness to go for a safer opportunity and process it as cowardice.

This couldn't be further from the truth! It's just that, well, this is New York: Nothing is certain, there's always something going on, something risky. And that's before factoring in money problems! He just wants you safe and taken care of.

And you appreciate that, you really do. But sometimes, it's easy for you to forget that. Not that it's all on you -- sometimes, he falls into his habits just as hard, becoming argumentative if you suggest his priorities might be a bit skewed. Deep down, he knows you don't mean any harm by it but closer to the surface, he feels insulted and unappreciated. No, he's not out there flinging himself into trouble, but somebody here has to be the stable one! Sorry that he's not going after bad guys head-on like Matt, or getting swept up in conspiracies like Karen, but he's not about to jeopardize everything he's worked on for a temporary fix!

He has to go about these things smartly, even if it can be emotionally draining . . .

. . . Fuck, this argument is emotionally draining. For the both of you.

For the most part, you two make a pretty happy couple. But moments like this can really stress the both of you out. Obviously, you hate it.

To your surprise, despite him being a lawyer, Foggy won't try to approach the situation like one: He won't argue further or twist your words or try to sandbag you or anything; he just wants to . . . talk. Like you're both normal people (because in your circle, you're the normal ones). And for that, you're grateful because it gives you time to really think about your words, think about how Foggy might take them, explain to him how you took his words . . .

The night might honestly end with you two going to sleep at opposite ends of the bed, even if you both came to a mutual conclusion that worked in your favors. But it never really lasts: Foggy is a teddy bear, after all. Protective, yes, but not for the wrong reasons.

11. What their first impression was of each other:

To be brutally honest, you, like many others, were initially more drawn to Matt. Curse your superficial ass . . . It wasn't that you disliked Foggy, it was just that, by comparison, he wasn't as traditionally handsome. But he was definitely not bad; he came off rather sweet for somebody questioning you for an upcoming case. He never pressured you to speak any further on subjects that seemed to catch you off guard or make you uncomfortable.

Since then, you have come to the conclusion that of the Nelson & Murdock firm, Foggy is the actual catch: Columbia grad, kind, knows how to save money, handy around the apartment, isn't trying to go out there and get his guts prolapsed by gangsters . . . Oh, yes: You have acquired for yourself a King.

Meanwhile, Foggy actually didn't think too fairly much of you. Not an insult, he was just in work mode at the time. Though even in work mode, he could at least determine that you were attractive, if nervous. Though, given that this was an interview for a case and you were a character witness, yeah, he wasn't going to blame you. But as the interview went on, he appreciated that in spite of your anxiety, you were at least trying to be helpful, even trying to go out of you way to add on to any previous notes you had provided.

[ghstandpucks]

Nothin’ Like You ~ Cale Makar

In honor of reaching over 200 followers, here is a song fic based on Dan and Shay’s Nothin’ Like You. I have a few requests in my inbox that I will be working on. If you have any, feel free to send them in using this prompt! Thank you for 200!!!

Master List

I remember when I first met you Sipping coffee in a corner booth You were twirling your hair And I just had to stare For a minute or two

Cale was with Tyson and J.T. after practice one Wednesday afternoon. The three of them decided to stop and get some coffee as it was a cold winter day outside. They were waiting in line talking about something E.J. had said earlier that day when Cale’s eyes landed on you in the back corner by a window. You had a cup of coffee and were staring at your laptop, completely oblivious to the world around you. He couldn’t help but stare as you wound and un-wound a strand of hair around your finger, every so often stopping to type something. Tyson kept talking as J.T. realized their defenseman was completely distracted by something. Following his line of sight, he chuckled. “See something you like? Or someone?” he chirped his teammate. Cale started to turn red as he looked away from you.

“I thought maybe I knew her,” he muttered. Tyson had stopped his monologue and was paying attention also now. He looked over as you had your head buried in a book, slowly typing something out.

“How did she carry all those books?” he asked with a slight laugh. Cale had noticed the numerous books you had scattered around the table. Didn’t people just do their research online now? “You like studious girls Makar?” Tyson elbowed him.

I was laughing at your stack of books Then you shot me that smile Hey beautiful girl, in your own little world Let me in it

“Man shut up,” Cale said turning on his friend. Unknowingly to them though, you had actually heard all the commotion. It was why you enjoyed doing your research in coffee shops; the garbled noises made it easier for you to concentrate. This doesn’t mean that you had heard what they said exactly, but who could really miss three hockey players walking into a small coffee shop in the middle of the week.

You looked up right as Cale was glancing back over at you. As you locked eyes, you sent him a shy smile and looked back down, trying to focus on your work again. Of course you knew who they were, all of Denver practically did. You were just an overstressed grad student with too many deadlines coming up though; he was probably just looking around the place.

The three of them ordered their coffees, and Cale noticed that you had looked sadly at your cup after taking a sip. He walked up to the counter and got the attention of the barista. “What did that girl in the corner order?” he asked, and was told it was a caramel latte. “I’ll take one of those too,” Cale said, paying for a second coffee. J.T. gave Tyson a look before he could say anything as they watched Cale walk over to you with two coffee cups.

You got all of my attention And you ain't even trying Yeah, you're my kind of different And I never seen nothin'

Nothin' like you

“Um hi. I hope you don’t mind, but I thought you could use this,” Cale said, announcing his presence at your table. You looked up, slightly startled as you had been engrossed in a thought you had while typing out your research. “Didn’t mean to scare you,” he chuckled nervously.

“No, you’re fine! Sorry, I had a train of thought going,” you sputtered out just as nervous as him. “Thank you, that’s very kind. What do I owe you?” you asked, instinctively reaching for your wallet. Cale shook his head.

“Nothing,” he said, trying to think of what the guys on the team might say in this situation. “Your number maybe?” he made a face like he couldn’t believe he just said that, and you couldn’t help but giggle.

“Um, sure, yeah,” you squeaked out, writing your number on a piece of notebook paper and ripping it out to give to him. “I’m Y/N,” you introduced yourself.

“Cale,” he said, taking the paper from you. He was about to ask what you were doing when Tyson called out to him.

“Makar, are you coming?” Cale turned toward his friends who had big, goofy grins on their faces watching the interaction. You blushed slightly at the thought of others watching you.

“I’m sorry. I’ll text you,” he stuttered out, putting your number into his pocket. You smiled softly at him and nodded.

“Thanks for the coffee,” you said and he smiled at you.

“My pleasure.”  

Shades on spinning in a summer rain Dancing when there ain’t no music Just the right kind of crazy, baby

           Cale had texted you like he said he would that same evening. You honestly weren’t expecting it, but felt completely giddy when you saw the unknown number and read his message. He explained that he would be gone on a road trip with the Avs for the next week, but would like to take you to dinner when he got back. You accepted and plans were made; the two of you talking regularly throughout the week getting to know each other better.

           The Avs returned home on Thursday, and a few hours later Cale was at your apartment knocking on your door. He had brought you flowers and you couldn’t help but smile at the kind gesture. The two of you made your way to dinner, talking the whole time. He had just finished telling you a funny story from the trip, beaming at the giggle he had enticed from you when your food arrived. As you looked down at your plate, you started moving your head and shoulders in an excited fashion. “Are you dancing?” Cale questioned you with a chuckle. You stopped immediately.

           “Oh my gosh, sorry. I tend to have a happy dance with food. It’s a weird family thing. I don’t even realize I do it until it’s pointed out to me,” you rambled on, face turning red. Cale shook his head.

           “Don’t be sorry. I though it was cute,” he said in a low tone. You smiled and giggled nervously; Cale deciding then and there that he wanted to continue seeing that smile for as long as you would let him.  

Something about you Rocking that rock 'n roll t-shirt Whole party dressed up But you just doin’ your thing Ain't nobody ever seen nothin' like you

           You were working on your research the following Friday night, having the game on in the background. Cale had taken you out to dinner once more since your first date, and the two of you had been nonstop texting. The Avs had won, Cale scoring that night. After the game you were about to text him a ‘congratulations’ when your phone started to ring, the caller ID showing it was him. “Congratulations!” you said as you answered and heard him chuckle on the other end of the line.

           “Thanks Y/N. Hey, what are you doing tonight?” he asked, and you heard a few wolf whistles behind him with muttered ‘shut ups’ coming from the defenseman.

           “I’ve just been working on my research since I got out of class earlier. Why?” you asked, trying not to laugh.

           “Come out with us. We’re all going out to celebrate,” he said in a more hushed tone, and you could imagine him trying to avoid the whole locker room from hearing.

           “Cale, I would love to but I’m not dressed to go out,” you said.

           “Who cares. Please? I would like you to come,” he pleaded with you ever so slightly. You looked down at your outfit, deciding it wouldn’t take much to put on some jeans quickly. Your Red Hot Chili Peppers shirt didn’t look terrible at least.

           “Text me the address,” you said into the phone, and you could hear the excitement in Cale’s voice as he said he would.

When you're wearing them worn out jeans Purple untied shoestrings You're a light in the dark And you're stealing my heart like a gypsy

           Showing up to the bar, you became a little self-conscious. Maybe you should have changed? The second Cale spotted you though, he thought you were the most beautiful girl in the room. The front of your band tee was tucked into your ripped black jeans, your white converse showing years of wear as they were no longer exactly white and the shoelaces were frayed at the ends. Cale knew you were probably stressed with your research, and yet you still had the softest smile and a sparkle in your eyes when you found him in the crowd. “You made it,” he whispered into your hair as he hugged you close. He felt you giggle into his chest.

           “Couldn’t let you down,” you answered simply. Cale smiled at you and took your hand, leading you over to a table where some of the team was sitting.

           “Coffee shop girl!” A slightly tipsy Tyson shouted.

           “Oh my God,” Cale muttered as you giggled. You were introduced to everyone as you took a seat between Cale and someone he called Gravy.

           “So what is your research on?” Gabriel Landeskog asked when you said you were a grad student at the University of Denver.

           “The archaeology of Zoroastrianism,” you said, and caught many blank stares.

           “Zoro what?” Andre asked.

           “It’s an ancient Persian religion. Today’s modern practices of Christianity, Islam, and Judaism all have common ties to it,” you briefly explained.

           “Wait, that was the religion Freddie Mercury practiced,” Sam Girard commented, looking interested. You nodded.

           “That’s how most people have heard of it now,” you responded.

           “What is your research trying to say about it?” he asked.

           “So I’m basically writing a big literature review to make sure it is preserved in the archaeological record. It was the first dualistic religion in a time where civilizations had their pantheons to believe in. It spread with the Persian conquest, but no one they conquered was ever forced to convert to it. Now it’s a rare religion to come across, and their numbers keep getting smaller. With it being one of the oldest organized religions, it needs to be preserved and the traditions documented before we lose it all through modernization attempts.” To you, your explanation was simple and one that you had said many times whenever asked what you were studying. It seemed you had impressed the table though, and you slightly blushed as a few questions started flying your way. You didn’t notice Cale softly smiling at you while you talked about a topic that you loved so much; he couldn’t take his eyes off of you. His teammates noticed though, and boy were they going to give it to him at practice.    

I love the way that you kiss me In front of everybody So baby come and kiss me They ain't ever seen nothin'

Nothin' like you

           The following day at practice, the guys were giving Cale crap for how head over heels he seemed for you. The fact he hadn’t kissed you yet was another source of ridicule. Everyone who had met you ended up adoring you within the time span that you spent with them at the bar; and they could easily see that their defenseman was taken by you as his cheeks would turn red at the mention of your name. They were all happy for him, but that didn’t mean the chirping would stop.

           They had another home game to play the following day, and Gabe convinced Cale to invite you and have you sit with Mel and Linnea. Later that day Cale went to your apartment and handed you his jersey, asking you to be there for the game. You couldn’t say no to him, not that you wanted to anyways. That Sunday you put on the jersey and headed to the stadium. Meeting Mel at the front, you quickly got along and enjoyed the game. The Avs came out victorious again, and you followed the captain’s wife to the locker rooms. You stepped aside as Gabe made his way over to his wife, feeling a little out of place. Luckily for you, Cale wasn’t far behind.

           He didn’t know if it was from the guys comments or seeing you in his jersey, but one second he was smiling widely at you, then the next his lips were on yours and his hands on your waist. Without a second thought, you kissed him back, your hands holding his face to yours. You were both grinning ear to ear as you separated, chirps flying all around but all in good nature. Giggling, you hid your face in Cale’s chest as his face turned bright red.

Shades on spinning in a summer rain Dancing when there ain’t no music Just the right kind of crazy, baby Something about you Rocking that rock 'n roll t-shirt Whole party dressed up But you just doing your thing Ain't nobody ever seen nothin' like you, yeah

           A year had passed and you were at the end of your grad program. You were set to present your research at the graduate fair, having been selected to present your research on behalf of your department. The Avs were scheduled to be flying back home that day, but Cale wasn’t sure if he would be there in time to see you present. You told him that it was fine, that you understood; and you really did. He was hell bent on making it though. You weren’t that surprised when you saw Cale sneaking into the back of the auditorium. What did surprise you was that half the team had followed him in. Having become good friends with them, they wanted to be there to support you too. As your name was announced, you swear you had the loudest applause.

           You calmly presented your research, smiling at Cale when you finished and a few questions were thrown your way. Having worked so hard, the questions were simple to answer. Finding Cale afterward, he took your poster from you and the two of you made your way to his apartment so he could unpack from the trip. Changing into some leggings and one of his shirts, you showed him the bound copy of your 105 page thesis. He was so proud of you and couldn’t help but share the cover on his Insta story. The two of you cuddle and slept better that night then you had in a while. For him it was being back home with you, and you finally had the stress of your research gone since the first time you met him.  

Nothin' like you Shades on spinning in a summer rain Dancing in the rain no music Nothin' like you Rocking that rock 'n roll t-shirt Whole party dressed up But you just doing your thing Ain't nobody ever seen nothin' like you, yeah

           Once you graduated, Cale asked you to move in with him. You had secured a job at a museum as a curator in their Antient History section. Setting up an exhibit all morning, you met up with Cale at the same coffee shop you had met at two years prior later that day. “Sorry I’m late” you muttered to Cale as you found him. He smiled and gave you a quick kiss.

           “You have nothing to be sorry about. I already put your order in,” he said as you sat across from him, taking a sip of the coffee he got you.

           “You know me so well,” you hummed with a giggle, the caramel latte tasting sweet. Cale grinned at you.

           “Technically, your coffee order was the first thing I learned about you, so I better get that right,” he chuckled. “That and you seemed like a huge nerd.” You faked offense, but laughed anyway.

           “It was all those books that got you. I knew my tactic of sitting in a coffee shop would work for me one day,” you winked at him.

           “It did. I’d never seen nothing like you,” he grinned, reaching into his pocket to take out a small velvet jewelry box.

Never seen, never seen nothin' like you Ain't never seen anything like you Mmm Never seen nothin' like you

Tagging: @yeahcalesy @avsfans95  @tysojost​ 

[dannypuro]

I would be delighted by a breakdown (a la the instrument one you just did) of each of the something telling verse's chararacters' relationships to cooking / baking! Thank you for blessing us with bonus content & good luck with finals!!

of course of course of course there is nothing that i would like to do more! thank u! (Something Telling verse: modern au with canon-era, time-zapped enjolras)

grantaire is a given. he loves cooking because he is at heart very much a snob and who better to cook his food than himself (and also the set of 8-12 takeout restaurants he orders from all the fucking time)? his love language is food. his only form of self-care is food. etc etc etc. he absolutely owns more than three aprons but does not always wear them because they were all gag gifts from his friends and they all have suggestive slogans on them and sometimes that is simply not the vibe. hot insufferable kitchen man.

enjolras is also a given. this is a man who has never ever learned to cook and is not going to start now. be real. he grew up a boy in a decently wealthy family in the early 19th century and then lived on his own at a time period where it was perfectly acceptable to never ever cook for yourself and just eat what your landlady cooks for every meal. think college boy but add a time period where food was just genuinely worse. no wonder he fell in love with grantaire the second he made him instant ramen. he will slowly absorb cooking knowledge from grantaire but it will take a very very very long time and he will not be aware of this fact.

combeferre is a stressed-out medical man and he has no time for fancy cooking, but he’s used to making edible things on a student budget and now he has slightly more money and slightly more time so. like. he can make a pasta dish. he can cook a nice simple meal. he has adequate knife skills. this is a man who can be trusted in a kitchen, but maybe should not be given artistic control.

jehan cannot cook. at all. get real. they are a rich, ex-child-star who uses their stove for decorative purposes. they have literally never cooked anything. they eat out or get takeout for every single meal, or they bother grantaire until grantaire invites them over for dinner. the mere idea of them cooking gives grantaire and combeferre immeasurable anxiety.

courfeyrac knows how to make, like, two fancy, impressive dishes, and he can only do it very slowly because in reality his knife skills and kitchen competences are POOR. all the rest of his food is really just sad mid-20s man food. chicken. chicken and rice. orzo (vaguely burnt). pasta, grocery store pesto. a lot of frozen, pre-made meals that are kind of expensive and therefore surprisingly good. also a lot of delivery. he just feels like restaurants are more fun and all the rest is just... not his concern. his food is restaurant food and then filler food (home-cooked), miscellaneous. 

marius........... oh marius. marius SHOULD know how to cook, because he’s broke, and he can’t afford to eat out or order in or get pre-made shit. however. he eats like a broke college student. ramen. ramen with egg. egg. egg with white rice. white rice. courfeyrac eventually just managed to convince him that it was easier for them to share meals (aka it is better for courfeyrac’s soul when marius is eating things that save him from scurvy.)

cosette has never needed to learn how to cook. of course she hasn’t. she’s in grad school and jvj is a casserole dad with separation anxiety. he stocks her freezer every week. she goes home for dinner like every other evening. she wouldn’t know how to boil water and when she has to she calls her papa and jvj just comes over and does it for her. she’s the person who brings baked goods to social events but also she knows nothing about said baked goods or how they are made. somebody’s like “hey cosette! these are great cookies, what kind are they?” and she just.... “😬 they are.... soft ones.....” and has to text jvj frantically for the sake of her reputation. she also owns multiple aprons. she wears them while she reheats the food jvj made her. god bless.

bahorel can cook but he has also been just a little bit too influenced by gym bro culture. like, he eats normal food and doesn’t worry about it, especially when it comes to takeout, but also he thinks that Chicken Only And A Protein Smoothie is a normal thing to eat for dinner, much to grantaire’s disappointment and rage. feuilly will eventually bully him out of this and he will once again be culinarily tolerable. just give him time.

feuilly can cook, but he was also so genuinely broke when he came to paris that he got used to cooking on a shoestring budget and never really realized that he could stop doing that when he got a better-paying job. bahorel has been sneakily trying to feed him for years. lots of “haha bro i guess i accidentally ordered your favorite dish again :^/ guess you have to eat it or i’ll throw it away and that would be food waste :^/ no i will not eat it myself” which was not very subtle but feuilly actually really appreciated it so much. once he and bahorel start dating he gets a lot more comfortable with baz paying for his food/groceries/whatever.

joly, bossuet, and musichetta are..... Threats. they love to cook! especially all together! it’s a fun throuple activity! they do it every night! However. cooking is a fun game for them, not a serious culinary skill. they do not use recipes. they do not stick to one cuisine per dish. they do not know how food chemistry works. they are not interested in learning. their food is actually pretty decent (sometimes) and it’s very interesting, but they are completely terrifying to watch in the kitchen. bossuet injures himself every other day. musichetta is a force of chaos. if you leave a dairy product outside of the fridge for longer than 20 seconds joly will have a stress aneurysm. in other words... they are having fun leave them be. grantaire has to physically remove himself from the vicinity whenever they do anything food-related.

anyways, my askbox is OPEN to questions/prompts/headcanons/etc. please send me asks so that i may continue to procrastinate on my finals 😗