#seems useful right about now

[stemmmm]

bad youtube clickbait thumbnail that reads "I think I just had a therapy session with a DEMON???"

[vaguely-concerned]

the strength it must have taken for illario to not immediately go full 'lmao since when have you even had a kiss hello lucanis' sibling violence mode during the café talk. inspirational. rook and lucanis really were doing all that right in front of his salad huh

[divineandmajesticinone]

THE HEART KILLERS (2024) I EP. 3 "I want you. Nothing more than that."

[egophiliac]

Hi it's just to let you know that the official romanization of Revaan's name is Raverne ! Also they have romanized Baul's name to Baur !

Twst coming back at us again with the least expected romanization! thank you everybody (oh god my inbox) (no it's great, I literally asked for this and the reactions have been INCREDIBLE, thank you all!)

I do like Raverne though, I think it's got a nice fancy sound to it! (I had kinda suspected it was going to be an R instead of an L, so the fact that it's SO close to Laverne except for that is hilarious to me personally.) and Dragoneye Duke is honestly probably the best translation for his title, I wasn't envying the localizers that one. :') Baur instead of Baul I was NOT expecting, but in retrospect I think his name's supposed to be a reference to the Bauru crocodile, so that actually makes way more sense!

someone else also said Meleanor has become Maleanor, which is the REALLY weird one to me, because I was so surprised it was written as Mel instead of Mal in the first place?! oh god no I can't decide which one I like better. 😭 (I wonder if they might change it to Mal...they have made romanization changes before) (like I remember House of Distraction being corrected to House of Destruction in Playful Land) (I did check and she's still Mel for now, but I dunno, they might Mal her up and some point and save me from having to make a decision about which one to use) (HECK I CAN'T DECIDE)

uhhhh thank you for letting me ramble about anime names, let's just say MONOGRAMMED SWEATERS FOR EVERYONE

[gideonisms]

This is such a small problem when you compare it to problems anyone else has or even previous problems I personally have had but I am bummed out by the lack of weird too online genderweird dykes in my real life. I have to pretend to be normal so much. Soooooo much. Do you know how many normal sentences I come up with daily? It's so many. And I am like I can't keep doing this by myself. where are my fellow freaks

[solitaireships]

I feel like I should say since there's been a recent uptick in a lot of communities I'm in/see stuff from a lot of white people pretending to be Asian, but you are not welcome here if you are in anyway stealing from Asian cultures for clout or the aesthetics of it

This includes if you're white and you give your self inserts Asian names, I truly do not care if your f/o is from an anime, you should not be using an Asian name under any circumstances. I hate that whenever I see someone using an Asian name online, I feel like I have to start searching their account to see if they're actually Asian or just a white person who likes the aesthetic of it bcs far too many white people will use Asian names here just bcs it sounds cool, with no regard for the actual cultural meaning behind it. Meanwhile actual Asian people will be mocked for their names, or treated like their names are too hard to learn to pronounce, or discriminated against based on their names

Asian cultures are not a fun little costume for people to dress up with. They aren't just a nice aesthetic, they aren't just a thing you can borrow from bcs you think it sounds cool

[clover-mouse]

when you stumble into being a furry they do not tell you how seriously you might end up taking your animal choice for your fursona. i am definitely definitely taking it too seriously but the facets of my identity i want to explore and acknowledge add up to too many different animals to choose just one. the other day i made a chart about it. the chart .. was not enlightening

[notahorseindisguise]

for those who don't know: this is the Aboriginal flag.

the black represents the colour of the skin of the people

the red represents the red earth and the spiritual connection to it, as well as the red ochre used in ceremonies

the yellow circle represents the sun, the giver of life

this is the Torres Strait Islander flag, a flag which is just as important, signifying another group of Indigenous australians

the green represents the land, the blue represents the sea

the black lines separating them represents the Torres Strait Islander people

the centre of the flag has a white dhari, a type of headdress

the white star underneath it symbolizes peace, and the 5 points represent the 5 island groups in the Torres Strait

please correct me if you believe any of this information is wrong

[stopper-my-heart]

Nothing like Heartstopper S2E8 removing some of Taylor Swift's "seven" lyrics just so that the singing can specifically come back in at "Or hide in the closet" while Isaac is processing difficult emotions related to the book he's reading (i.e., Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex by Angela Chen).

Did I mention "Or hide in the closet" hits just as the camera focus finishes shifting away from Isaac?

This is fine

[vaguely-concerned]

just for fun this time during 'sea of blood' I counted out all the venatori corpses I think we can be pretty sure were lucanis' handiwork before we show up (not including the ones he kills in his initial cutscene, and with an assumption that he's been at work mainly up and down in the areas we move through until we find him, not behind the locked door -- I think that's mostly the work of rampaging undead and other venatori-hoisted-by-their-own-petard suchlikes). can thus happily inform you lucanis has killed at least 32 venatori before rook and company get there. at least one of them he's impaled on their own weird crystal spike things the venatori mages cast as an AOE attack and that they're trying to keep him contained with when we find him. so he's clearly been keeping busy lol. that's my boy dispensing poetic justice and claiming some enrichment in his enclosure while he's at it good for him!

[chittychittyyangyang]

Between waiting for V10 news, my own personal stuff, and the US now being on fire (partially) literally, I know I've been pretty quiet here. Even before all of this I was pretty shut down emotionally, and I am just very absent as a person right now. I feel like many are struggling, and I wanted to share something that has helped me some:

What I find myself thinking about the most is like that she was out there and brave and looking for love at a time when her existence was criminalized. It's hard to remember that there was all of this light in the dark ages, but there was still these brazen romances. And I don't know that love was still stronger than fear, at least at times.

You're Wrong About - Kitty Genovese and “Bystander Apathy”

Stories about existing and loving in a world that wants you gone. It's not that horrible things didn't happen or won't happen, but that we will make do. Loving who you love, and being you matters. All of us matter. Our stories and lives, big and small matter.

Take care of those close to you. Find little moments of joy. Disconnect when you can. Read, create, and rest when you can. If you feel like nothing you do can change anything, volunteer. Sure, you can't fix a broken system right now by yourself, but you can help people have a hot meal they might not otherwise get.

As for the RW/BY stuff here, that's not going to change, other than maybe less in part because I just use this as an archive between volumes. I've been here for so long it would feel weird not to at this point. I know some people have found some level of comfort that I'm still here keeping up this blog, and I hope I continue to provide that for people (and, of course, bees).

[theconfusedcolorofblue]

I really wanna write or just create something between like that version of killer who got away from nightmare and the replacement that took his place. Just something wholesome or at least where both of them feel content with just existing for a moment ig. Like killer just giving some silent understanding while the other comes to terms with it all. after all this replacement is now looking at a result of nightmare’s abuse. Knowing they most likely won’t be able to get out. and killer is looking at the poor fool who had to take his place, I doubt he’d be exactly apathetic towards it all. -

again sorry of this barely makes any sense, but what’s the point in having this blog if I can’t ramble

[angelpuns]

I think looking through my art over then years is really interesting because in middle school I drew a lot of ( terrible ) fanart, drew a LOT of comics and generally just drew whatever I wanted even though it was pretty terrible.

In highschool I drew a LOT of really serious, really grungey and really naked-heavy art ( Like...I drew naked women very very often because I was a closeted trans man :/) and I also drew a lot of ocs. I was mentally not the worse but I was masking super hard and wanted to understand the kind of struggles other people went through ( I was one of those kids that liked reading really sad stories and 'longed for trauma so that my being the way I am would make sense and be justified' anyway I did have trauma just could not recognize it as such because my life was ' too normal'. Not trying to like trauma dump or whatever I've just thought about it a lot )

Then in college/after college ( during a really difficult time in my life ) I drew a LOT of men. Especially sexy/sexualized men. But my art was less serious and more story driven. Still not comics but a lot of behind the scenes lore was happening. Also drew a lot of OCS. My college art was p weak cause I just wanted to make oc art at the time and all my instructors wanted me to make symbolic pieces that 'meant something' and I was very against that. ( I also was out at this time and was unmasking a lot more - but I also was living through some mildly traumatic stuff. I don't like to call it traumatic but it might have been that. I worry the stuff I think is traumatic isn't and I'm totally blowing it out of proportion. Anyway this isn't venting just observations )

And NOW I make a LOT OF FANART AND A LOT OF COMICS AND A LOT OF WHATEVER I WANT Which is hilarious cause we've come full circle. I don't draw sexual/sexy stuff at all anymore cause I don't enjoy it and I never enjoyed it ( I drew a lot of it in college/after college cause the people around me thought I was asexual and I wanted to prove I wasn't, because I really am not. Might be aromantic tho. Anyway drawing sexy stuff vs not drawing it means nothing in relation to my sexuality ) I also am working on drawing stuff that actually does mean something even tho I hated it in college. But I'm doing it the way I want to. ( this was all because of a comment I got on a fanfic. Wherever you are commented I hope you're doing well. You made me want to create art and fics that have a deeper meaning )

I think currently I am happiest with my art I just wish I had more time for it. Like yeah skill wise I'll probably never be where I want to be - as is the nature of being an artist - but I'm having fun and enjoy sharing my art and that's what matters.

Anyway I'm gonna make a year of art summary but I am also gonna make a 25 years of art summary for my birthday cause I think the comparisons are just funny year to year. Like I'll have gaps and stuff obviously but the circle of art I've been going through is so wild

Also side note none OF THIS IS MEANT TO BE A VENT ANY MENTAL HEALTH/TRAUMA THINGS ARE JUST OBSERVATIONS I'VE MADE/SPENT TIME THINKING ABOUT OKAY SO PLEASE DONT WORRY ABOUT REASSURING ME I DO PLAN ON TALKING ABOUT ALL THIS IN THERAPY OBVIOUSLY IM MENTALLY ACTUALLY P DECENT RN THIS WAS JUST ME RAMBLING ABOUT THE VERY SILLY ART CIRCLE JOURNEY IVE BEEN ON AND ALSO SOME OF THE THINGS THAT INFLUENVED THAT JOURNEY AH

[viperwhispered]

I don't know about you, but I find shared baths deeply intimate. Mostly cause first you have to be very comfortable with the person you're bathing with and there's an intense feeling of safety that you boundaries will be respected.

Apply this to Jamil who is arguably the most paranoid man in all of TWST. Imagine he and his s/o are getting serious and Jamil is finally starting to really open up. It's also the stage where things are getting steamier, so to speak.

As both a sign of trust and a way to get used to each others naked bodies, the couple starts bathing together. The physical vulnerability of it since their both nude is further amplified since they have to wash/touch each other. That in itself requires a lot of trust.

Just imagine this: gently applying shampoo into Jamil's silky hair while he rants about his day, slowly revealing more about his past and insecurities. Then they switch and now the reader is the one opening up about their struggles while Jamil massages the soap onto their back. Kissing any scars they might have, talking about the most random things, playing with the water, and just enjoying this moment between Jamil and his beloved. Jamil is just so busy that he relishes being able to just enjoy their presence close to him.

There's also a strong desexualizing element. Jamil and the reader likely grew up with a notion that nudity is embarrassing and should only happen with a sexual partner. While this statement is technically true, they aren't in a sexual situation. They're trusting each other to respect their boundaries in such a way that the way they view each other goes from "potential sex object" to "a body that so happens to belong to my dearest".

Which further adds to my hot take of the "If evil why hot" route with OB!Jamil being pre-relationship.

Also, fun concept: washing away blot.

Imagine they're at the very end of the overblot Jamil boss fight. The phantom is defeated but there's still some blot left. So the reader pushes him into the river created by Kalim and holds him there as the water washes away the blot. When he starts calming down, they gently start rubing the blot off. Slowly trekking their fingers through his hair as the snakes dissappear. By the end they're left with an exhausted sulky wet Jamil. The reader then kisses his forehead as they wrap a towel around him.

Aww there definitely is a lot of potential for sweetness with stuff like this. I mean, having someone wash your hair, cleaning up together… It really can feel so intimate and vulnerable.

Now, I feel like I should add the caveat that I'm Finnish, so I'm fairly used to seeing other people's bodies in the sauna, for example, and the whole concept of nudity = sex is not quite so strong for me, personally. (Though personally I'm not likely to go to a mixed sauna, especially with strangers, but still.) So my perspective for the nudity aspect may be a little bit different, though I do definitely agree with these scenarios being intimate and potentially vulnerable. Like, you really do need to let your guard down to let someone see you bared like that, no hiding behind your clothes (or status) or anything else. Just, people, together.

Which definitely ties into that whole opening up for each other. We always tend to say that people are equal in the sauna, and it (perhaps surprisingly) is a good place for those deep, intimate conversations. So I can definitely see that same vibe for this bathing together, too.

Also just, the thought of squeezing into the tub together, trying to figure out how to adjust everyone's limbs and bodies so that you're both comfortable in there (and covered by water enough to actually get to enjoy it). One of you wrapping your arms around the other, holding them close, it's just… So sweet, and intimate, and also you kind of have to be “normal” about it to make it work (I don't really have the words for these vibes, just, yes it's intimate and vulnerable but at the same time you kinda just have to treat it as a normal thing if it's gonna work).

Just eugh I love this concept so much.

(Also now I'm definitely wondering how the twst guys would feel about sauna, perhaps even with the whole “run off naked to the lake to cool off a bit and then go enjoy some more heat” extra shebang.)

Oof that washing off blot, though… Oh it's going straight for my heart 😭 Just the whole I'm still here for you, I'm here taking care of you, let's wash away what happened (both literally and figuratively). Oh boy what a concept ripe for being picked apart.

(Also for some reason it's making me think of like washing off bodies for funerals, but in this particular case more in the sense of washing off the old self / what happened, something to allow rebirth or something. Or like, this could've destroyed him, but didn't. Idk, there's just so much one could do with this. Maybe it's just the talk of being washed in a river specifically that's making me think of like Lemminkäinen’s mother and all sorts of stuff.)

[greenfiend]

"You're not thinking fourth dimensionally."

Excuse you, I’ve been doing nothing but thinking of the fourth dimension as a Byler. 🤨

I can’t stop thinking about how a wheel represented time freezing around Will. Likely representing a Wheeler.

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

Both my parents actually suffer from HORRID emotional dysregulation and are prone to snapping and going into rages. My sister is the same way tbh. I am now realizing this is why they are constantly baffled by the question of whether or not I am mad at them.

I don't have external meltdowns.

I could. I don't let it happen.

I keep my rage on the inside and stay pretty quiet about it. It's just as strong as theirs [physically shaking nose bleed from high blood pressure kind of bad], but like as a kid I saw how terrifying it was to be around [dad breaking dishes, mom putting our lawn chairs into walls] and I just internalized that I wasn't going to wear that anger on the outside.

So my mother genuinely cannot tell if I am just being quiet or if I am silently hearing the dial-up noises of pure rage. This has lead her to both making strong and confident statements like "You are a pacifist who would never hurt a fly U.U" but also acting like I am secretly dangerous maybe... It's because she has never seen me snap.

She knows what her temper is like [throwing chairs through walls], she knows what my father's temper is like [pick up child and toss out door], and she can tell I am being tested, but she doesn't know what happens when I snap or where that breaking point is.

Her -perhaps unhinged- solution to this, my whole life, has been to do things that should obviously enrage me or shut me down completely, like ignoring important boundaries, repeatedly, punishing me for expressing emotions or needs at all, etc... And then to constantly ask me if I am angry with her when I get too quiet [right after near directly telling me to shut up].

It has occurred to me now, they have never once seen me lose my temper, so they literally just can't tell if I am angry at them. My sister is easy, my mother fights and screams with my sister constantly, my mother understands this. My mother doesn't have any grasp of feelings or boundaries that are not screamed at her [apparently, and I fear my sister is the same way]. Her and my sister are close despite constant fucking fighting because they understand each other.

They are trying to get me to engage the same way and it is not working. I realize now that this has been hard for them.

I was so successfully taught to suppress my emotions, by being punished for any outburst, that rage quiet looks the same as any other kind of quiet from the outside. To them anyway.

I did tell her. For the record. I used my words. I did tell her very calmly that my response to rage, in order to avoid doing the things that terrified me as a child, was to simply leave [the autistic urge to GTFO]. When a situation or person causes too much of the dial-up rage noise, I simply extract myself from that situation, up to and including never speaking to a person again. I explained this calmly. I explained it calmly 100 times and I explained that I explain myself calmly as my rage response 1-5 [also pretty much every other negative emotion tbh], and I told her that what came next was me simply opting out and fucking off. I told her this. I couldn't understand why she never took me seriously, or why she never fucking understood.

I couldn't understand what made her like this.

But it's the same problem I have with everyone else multiplied by a factor of 10.

If I am explaining myself calmly, they can't understand that it's actually serious or that I am actually upset. ESPECIALLY because they read me as "female" and women "aren't that rational" so if I am not screaming and crying about something, which I never do, people assume I can't be upset and it isn't serious.

And then after having my boundaries ignored too many times despite having calmly explained how and why it's a problem [shaking inside or not]... I leave. I leave and everyone gets upset like this is unexpected behaviour, even though I told them 50 times that is how I would respond if they kept doing *the thing.*

And for neurotypical people especially, they are expecting there to be a disconnect between what someone says they need or feel and what their actually boundaries and feelings are, and they expect the latter to be demonstrated with emotions. Telling them bluntly you do not function that way somehow never helps?

My mother isn't just looking for normal yelling or a few tears to know I am serious, whether or not I do those either [I don't], she's looking for an explosion to know there's a problem at all.

Fucked if I know how she proceeds through life this way in general or if this is just her expectation of her own kids???

And I couldn't get why my mother couldn't read my emotions and didn't seem to think I have any. It's because she's testing for the rage limit to see where my 'actual' limit is instead of taking my word for it. Never the fuck mind that she could simply *not* test at my boundaries instead of letting me have them. Separate issue.

I couldn't figure out what made her *like this*

She's expecting me to throw a giant meltdown violent tantrum at people when I have 'actually' had enough. Maybe she got away with those being like 5'4" in another time, but I am the size of the average man, I do not get to have giant screaming rages, whether or not people perceive me consciously as a woman, and least of all because a lot of people -at least unconsciously- read me as 'masculine' or at least always "they guy" of the situation compared to all other women and some men [bigger stronger and more rational, more able to just absorb the damage and let it go so the less rational screaming/crying one doesn't have to be dealt with]. Even if it was in me to be willing to terrify people [usually never], there are such limited instances where it wouldn't just blow back on me. Potentially very dangerously.

I am going to be the quiet calm one. You are going to have to let me use my words, bitch.

So she kept ignoring my boundaries until I had to cut her out of my life, and she probably doesn't understand and probably thinks it feels sudden -after 36 long years of bullshit- abrupt and unfair.

But I told her hundreds of times.

I probably should have just screamed at her.