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xpeachesncream · 4 years

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perfectly wrong | one

summary: there were rules that had to be followed: no one could know about you two, there was no ‘getting to know each other,’ and there was absolutely no emotional attachment allowed. if this could be done, there should be no complications. but somehow, the rules always get bended.

pairing: reader x fuckboy!kth

genre: college au | fluff, angst, smut

words: 2301

chapter warnings: cussing, mature language, very slight angst, some hints of jealousy, alcohol consumption

notes: pls remember that this is set a few months after you and tae have been going at it, so it will seem like things are happening a bit fast. i’m not trying to prolong this series. also most importantly, i tend to usually write shorter chapters > shorter, but more chapters published. enjoy!

> series masterlist <

Jungkook decided he was going to see if he could jump over your couch and land perfectly in a seated position.

"Wait, wait, wait. Absolute silence everybody." He says as he's stretched over, trying to estimate the timing and height of his jump. He had always been super athletic and competitive since you two were small, so there was really no changing his mind on this. He always had to prove something, even if that meant creating his own competition of jumping over the couch.

"It's just me and you." You watched him from the kitchen, making sure the pizza in the oven was baking properly.

"I have an audience, okay? Don't be rude, Y/N." He says as he points over to the fake audience clapping and laughing during a 'Friends' episode.

"Whatever, as long as you don't go breaking my shit, Jeon Jungkook." He was 22, but his mentality was 8. That was for damn sure.

"Siiiiiiilence." He says at a whisper, his eyes shut as he puts a finger to his mouth. He lets out a huff and a puff before he gets the courage to throw himself over the couch and land a perfect landing. "And once again, he sticks the landing!" He stands up with his hands up in the air.

"You're annoying." You laughed, getting paper plates ready for the pizza that was about to be done because you were in no mood to do any dishes tonight.

"Thank you! I'll be here again tomorrow, same time." He calls out to his fake audience.

"No the hell you're not."

"Ouch, nevermind. Someone apparently doesn't want me here." You laugh at how dramatic he is. At this point, you just let him be because that was something you always loved about your bestfriend. He embraced the kid in him and always brought good times. You had similarities, but you also had some major differences. You liked being in your comfort zone & you were labeled the innocent nerd amongst your friends. You just like to consider yourself simple, though. A 'take it day by day' kind of person. Kookie was fun, adventurous and childish at times. He was also shy, but loud at the same time? An introverted extrovert, you could say.

But you loved each other nonetheless, that's why you've clicked so well since you were young. You taught each other things & grew together.

"Here, fool." You placed the pizza in front of him with the paper plates.

"Set it up, I'll grab us the drinks. You want anything in particular?"

"That bottle of Stella Rosa, please." JK knew you loved that Stella Rosa, so he happily grabs the bottle and two wine glasses. He plops back next to you on the couch, pouring your glasses and grabbing a heaping serving of 4 slices of pizza.

You both decided you want a good laugh, so you throw on Kevin Hart's newest installment: Zero Fucks Given. It isn't long before you both are rolling on the floor, almost gasping for air at how much you're laughing at Kevin Hart's stand up. The pizza is gone, the wine is gone, and you're still feeling pretty tipsy. The whole thing sounds nice, until your head starts to wonder what Taehyung is doing and if he'll text you to come over tonight. You know he probably already has plans with another chick though, and that hits you.

Curse this fucking alcohol.

Let's get this straight - the only time you 'talk' is when he's trying to fuck.

And yes bitch, you let him do this to you. You're out that door before you can even fully slip your shoes on. Dick is just that good. It's something about Taehyung that makes you addicted. The way he gives you a stupid ass smirk when he opens his door, the way he touches your skin and gently lays his shit on you until you both become really invested in the moment. So invested that shit hits the roof. It gets messy. It gets rough. It becomes unspeakable.

You aren't friends. No one knows about you two, or that you even know the other exists. You don't know shit about each other. The only thing you know is that he's fucking other girls. He has a whole roster, you'd imagine - a starting five, at least.

He doesn't care about you, and for the most part, you don't either. At least, that's what you like to portray because it's been some months now since this whole thing started and you can't help but feel some kind of emotional tie to him. You're leaving your house between 12-2am in the morning and sleeping in his bed until 6-7am. It's a routine; a routine you've become used to. You skip out on some late night kick-its with your friends cause you anticipate a text to come through from him.

But, he doesn't care. You aren't the only female slipping into those sheets, and boy does it fucking make it hard to swallow. Reality hits hard when you think about it and you feel this huge pit in your stomach. You try to be different, you try to stand out one way or another. But it doesn't work that way. You knew what this entailed going into it, so it makes zero sense as to why you're hurting and getting jealous from time to time.

You know it still doesn't matter to him.

He's only fucking you over cause you let him. You know damn well you're not gonna change and let this go, though. You love thrill of it too much. It's the most thrill your life has had. You're not perfect and you're only human. You make mistakes, but this one definitely puts the cherry on top. Because not only do you refuse to learn, but you let it repeat itself over and over again.

"Aishhhh, my stomach hurts from laughing too much." Jungkook laid his head back and patted his belly. "But that was good though. I needed that."

"Yeah it was. Thanks for coming by to watch that with me, Kook." He tilts his head over to look at you and smiles.

"Sure thing." He checks his phone and sits up. "Yoongi is blowing up the group chat." You check your phone to see multiple unread messages from none other than Min Yoongi himself.

[yoongi] 10:37pm: aye

[yoongi] 10:45pm: all of a sudden, everyone is ghost in this group chat?! you all had a lot to say not too long ago.

[yoongi] 10:52pm: even though you guys are fake as fuck, does anyone wanna come with me to the bars tonight? meet at my place so we can head out.

You and Jungkook laughed at how butthurt Yoongi was in the groupchat. Yoongi definitely was the most serious and blunt one in your group, but he still liked to party and have a good time. It was just how he was. Hoseok was always full of energy and probably the most extroverted one out of all 4 of you. He was never shy. You and Jungkook met Yoongi and Hoseok your first year in college and became inseparable ever since. You all just click with your different attributes.

[jungkook] 10:53pm: lmaoooooooo

[yoongi] 10:53pm: fuck you dude lol

[jungkook] 10:54pm: i'll come through in a sec, i'm at y/n's right now. not sure if she's gonna come though?

[y/n] 10:55pm: i'll pass, i'm tired and wined out.

[hoseok] 10:55pm: ahahahah yoongi shut up, blowing up my phone for no reason. i'm passing on tonight too. im tired from working that overtime *cries*

[yoongi] 10:56pm: you both are boring. i'm especially offended at how i didn't get an invite to your little powwow, y/n. and now you don't wanna hang out?

[hoseok] 10:57pm: she mentioned she was going to watch kevin hart's thing yesterday and offered us to swing by if we wanted to though....... selective hearing, maybe?

[y/n] 10:58pm: ^ okayyyyy and that's on period! thank you hobi <3

[hoseok] 10:59pm: anything for the baby

[yoongi] 10:59pm: lmao you're a brat, y/n. whatever, i'm still hurt by you both! kook, hurry on over so we can drink

"Fuck I regret this, I'm gonna die." Jungkook laughed as he stood up and stretched. He quickly helped you clean up before he figured it was time to go or else Yoongi would have a fit.

"I feel like it has to do with that one girl he's been talking to on and off."

"Perhaps." Jungkook shrugged before putting on his shoes. "We shall see." he sighs before giving you a tight hug. "You sure you don't wanna come out?"

"Nope."

"You don't even have plans tonight."

"Yes I do."

"Doing what?"

"Laying in bed." Jungkook snorted as you shook your head and shrugged. What else did he think you were trying to do? He should know you by now, at the very least.

"Alright, I'm not even going to argue. I'm off."

"Be safe, have fun, text me if you both need anything, okay?" He nods as he shuts the door, leaving you to your lonesome. You swirled the teeny tiny drop of wine leftover in your glass around before picking up your phone.

No new texts. Well, let's be specific: no new texts from taehyung.

You did forget to respond to your oldest cousin though, when he was just trying to check up on you.

[seokjin] 8:35pm: pssst y/n

[seokjin] 8:35pm: psssssssssst

[seokjin] 8:35pm: oyyyyyyyyyy

He was damn near 30 years old and hated talking on the phone so much that he decides to blow up your phone this way. But, he was the cousin you loved dearly and you had a very tight, sibling-like relationship with him. He was like the older brother you've always wanted. He watched you grow, protected you, kept you safe, supported you and cheered you on - especially when your family talked so much shit about how you and him weren't gonna get anywhere with your goals. You know, the fucking stupid ol' saying of 'chasing your passion isn't going to bring you money & wealth.' Your family was all about the titles and money, but Jin was passionate about cooking and wanted to open his own cafe. You, on the other hand, wanted to pursue your art. Jin was the biggest role model for you because he was the first to defy your family's wants and wishes. He was the black sheep of the family with a huge 'I don't give a fuck' mentality and he taught you that along the way.

Don't ever be afraid to do what you're passionate about. Fuck 'em.

[y/n] 11:13pm: hi sorry, jungkook was over and we were watching kevin hart's new thing on netflix over some wine and pizza.

[seokjin] 11:15pm: that sounds fun! sorry, i just wanted to check on you but i see you're doing okay lol

[y/n] 11:16pm: i am. :) i'll hang out with you tomorrow

[seokjin] 11:16pm: how sweet, my freeloading baby cousin is coming by

[y/n] 11:17pm: hahahah shut up! although you're not wrong, i am going to steal some food. but most importantly, i do want to hang out and see my bestest oppa <3

[seokjin] 11:18pm: awww y/n, you're so full of shit <3

[seokjin] 11:18pm: go to bed

[y/n] 11:19pm: haha love you tooooo

And so, that's what you did. You got yourself all ready for bed, believing you wouldn't be leaving your house tonight. You pampered yourself, put on a face mask and got yourself all lathered up in lotion just to lay down. You're in Jungkook's shirt that he left behind (and never looked for, so technically it's yours now) when the guys had stayed the night and some Vicky Secret panties.

You're scrolling through your Instagram feed, seeing Jungkook's newly posted story with him and Yoongi already at the bars, acting a damn fool. You laughed at the video he took of Yoongi trying to dance in a tight, awkward space on the crowded dance floor even though he was never the best at dancing. It lowkey made you wish you went out with them so you wouldn't be stuck here thinking about your feelings and how lonely these hours get.

And then you see Jimin's story from an hour ago. He knew you were friends with Yoongi, and although Yoongi wasn't fond of their group too much, he was still an avid party-goer and mingled with people there. You've only spoken to Jimin once because you had to work with him in the same group on a class assignment. You tried to keep it that way though because he was Taehyung's bestfriend. They went everywhere together, did everything together. He, too, was very popular among the ladies and across campus. I guess it was just their thing.

You assume they were at a party cause Jimin quickly flashes the camera at Taehyung, who's in front of him getting a lapdance from some chick. Jimin quickly turns the camera back to his face as he's laughing uncontrollably then abruptly cuts it off.

Great.

She's forsure going home with him tonight.

You set your phone down on the night stand and put on a show on your laptop to help you fall asleep.

Just as you're about to get some shut eye, your phone vibrates. You let it slip at first because you thought it could be one of the guys playing around, but it vibrates again, signaling another text coming through. You pick up your phone just to make sure Yoongi and Jungkook aren't in any trouble and need you to bail their asses out.

[taehyung] 12:17am: hey

[taehyung] 12:20am: come over.

You scoff at how he assumes you're still up and that you'd be coming over. You hated that. He knew he just had your ass.

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track two: hit different - sza & ty dolla $ign

#bts #bts fanfiction #taehyung fanfiction #taehyung #kim taehyung #taehyung x reader #writing #perfectly wrong

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marc-spectorr · 2 years

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good morning to you too my dearest callie!! my heart is full of joy seeing you so lovely and interested in me🥺 my friday is going well and it just got a whooole lot better seeing your reply akjahsjakaksj 💞

i don't have any fun plans for the weekend other than probably filling your asks with my random thoughts lol (unless you have plans and are busy, then i'll back off immediately and let you enjoy your weekend in peace🏃🏻‍♀️💨)

how's your friday going? are you working today? i hope everything is great and that your weekend will be as well <3

and trust me, the feeling is mutual!!🥺💕you are my bestie now, end of discussion. we're definitely not internet strangers, even if we might live literally on the opposite sides of the world, ilyssm ugh💓💓

aaaaaaAAAAAAAAAA that album is gonna be the END OF ME!! totally agree with everything you said and that line from Matilda🥺😭 I DON'T THINK I'LL EVER BE ABLE TO RECOVER FROM THAT!! and absolutely true that you don't have the material time to stop sobbing once Matilda is over that ✨Cinema✨, with its own completely different dance vibe, makes its appearance

but yeah i don't think i'll stop listening to this album anytime soon, it's just SO GOOD and i have accepted my fate to sob every single time, it's worth it. oh and that tiktok is literally me, EVERY DAMN TIME i listen to the album, it's scarily accurate💀

oh i LOVED those late night thirsty asks and we love even more what the night awakens in us lol. those wonderful secret smutty dirty thoughts 👀

also last thing, don't worry about the fic, we'll all be here patiently waiting but no need to rush it or feel bad about not posting today. i love you callie and i'll always be excited when you post something new, whenever that will be :)♡

i tried replying all in one ask and i feel like it came out a mess aksjkahshdja but we don't talk about that🤭

okay love you to the moon and back, hope you have a fantastic day💞

-🧸

wowOwo i feel very happy reading this like ?? it genuinely makes me super soft every time i get a message from you 🥺🤍

but my friday is going well haha! the color of my coffee is right for once so i think that’s a good indication of how the rest of the day will turn out lolol. this weekend i’m just staying home and relaxing :) we have a holiday on monday which means more time for me to catch up sleep skjdjdjd. i’m not going to be busy at all, just writing hehe so feel free to fill up my ask box with your wonderful thoughts ✨

listeenn, i’ve had the entire album playing from 7am up to now LOL. it certainly helps with the productivity at work 💅 but it’s funny bc i’ll be singing at my desk and my coworkers would all go ??? they don’t understand the hype with harry styles unfortunately /:

gosh i felt like an idiot deleting the fic while messing with it earlier 🥲 i should have left it some lmaoao but it’s all gucci. it’ll be up as soon as i’m able to!!

and heheh it’s okay if you reply to everything in one ask bc look at what im doing rn 💀 im just typing whatever comes to mind skksjdj so apologies for the incoherent mess this reply has become 🙃

okie to wrap this up, ily ily ily hope you’re having an amazing day today wherever you are 💕

#asks #🧸 anon

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logically-asexual · 3 years

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okay i'm already procrastinating and i don't plan on sleeping any time soon so here we go.

☆ ✩ my personal ranking for every season 1 Sanders Sides episode. ✩ ☆

i think it's going to be pretty similar to @dukeofonions' but let's see if i find something new to contribute haha. i see you didn't include that one about Patton in the Big Game or whatever, so i'm not including it either xd. also i think i'm going to count Accepting Anxiety as one episode only.

edit: i finished and now i dare you to drink a shot of water every time i say the word spanish or a version of the word comfort and become very well hydrated.

#16 I'm in a Disney Show

(i agree with dukeofonions here) i always forget this episode exists. it was ok in terms of being happy for real life Thomas but as a Sanders Sides episode it didn't do anything. the sides were just giving their opinions but it wasn't very funny or interesting. also i'm bitter because it made me look up the episode he was in and i didn't like it at all. i don't know if i'm too old for those Disney shows now but Thomas was literally the only good part of it, everything else was really dull and boring imo. a waste of time.

however, Logan supporting clickbait is one of the funniest things ever, and i'll never forget it.

#15 Becoming A Cartoon

i didn't hate this episode but it was just .. meh.. you know? several factors contribute to this. one, i couldn't feel much nostalgia for Butch Hartman's shows because i watched them in Spanish, and everything feels really weird when they speak English, i don't like how my old cartoons sound in English. two, it was disappointing to me because we were all desperately waiting for Plot™ and instead they give us this short episode about nothing (oh how the tables have turned now it's the other way around haha). and three, i didn't like the style of the animation :/ their faces and expressions freaked me out, Roman's douchey face still haunts me.

#14 Way Too Adult

here i'm biased because i don't like Patton much, and i didn't back when i watched the series the first time either, so this video was a little disappointingwithout the rest. also it wasn't relatable to me because i am still too young and dependent on my parents haha. but Patton is funny and it's funny to laugh at Thomas' struggling.

#13 The Dark Side of Disney

i've never been a fan of Disney movies. i actually never watched Mulan or the Lion King or Aladdin as a kid, so meh. i liked the ending, though, it was cool to see Virgil have fun and be right for once. it does make me a bit uncomfortable because the way Thomas tries too hard with Virgil's mouth movements and his low voice reminds me of a guy that had made me v uncomfortable not long before watching that video. so an icky feel overall.

#12 A New Year of Lying to Myself

this video was actually kind of fogettable to me. i had a hard time connecting the voices in the song to the characters and idk. i don't love it nor hate it, just .. neutral.

#11 My True Identity

pretty much the same opinion as dukeofonions, again. it's a good introduction and it's good that it was the beginning of it all but on its own it's not very special. i think it's awesome on Thomas to have come up with such a clever idea, like choosing the dad, the teacher and the prince and putting them together and match them with thoughts?? that fit so perfectly?? it really is just very impressive when you think about it, that it was just a random idea he had for a short 5 minute video.

#10 Taking on Anxiety

i liked this video a lot because when i watched it i had recently been a lot on tumblr, and found out through relatable posts that i had anxiety. so watching this video was really fun and it made me happy to feel so seen, specially the intro when Thomas just talks about what it's like to have Anxiety and Virgil is so smug about it.

- ★ -

okay now that those are out of the way things are going to get hard... all the following i love with all my heart so i'm going to rank them based on the smallest things.

#9 Growing Up

once more, Patton isn't my favorite. so that's why i'm putting this here, plus the echo at the end askjhsahg, but i love love this video. i remember we were waiting and oh so ready for the angst of nobody taking Patton seriously. and we received!! i love that though Roman and Logan are antagonists here, they're both so happy about Thomas wanting to have a healthy life. and i just adore the way Logan admits his mistake at the end and asks Patton directly. my heart... also aw.. the nostalgia. i remember none of us knew how to spell Patton's name and were writing it in very funny ways until Thomas and Joan told us lol.

#8 The Mind vs The Heart

when i watched this video the first times i didn't like it much, because i only had eyes for Virgil, but later i came back to it and loved it. so taking that into account i'm putting it here. logicality was the first ship i ever shipped in the show because i saw a gifset on tumblr of Patton screaming "what do you know about love?!" and Logan "apparently more than YOU" and the caption said "MARRIED", and i thought hey yeah... anyway. i love them. they're both my dads since that day.

this video is so so so relatable and i love it. Logan and Patton are so much fun arguing and i love how they compromise at the end and work together. im reconsidering.. i might move it higher? no, fine i'll leave it here.

#7 Making Some Changes

this video was absolutely hilarious. i personally couldn't see it as the Sides still once they were acted by Thomas' friends, i enjoyed it more as that bunch being silly and trying to be the sides but failing in so many ways, while sometimes nailing stuff suddenly. i really don't take this one too seriously as an episode. except Joan!Logan and Valerie!Logan, my beloved... i love how Joan acted as Logan and their voice and that they kept their ace ring on.. there's a reason i had them as my icon for so long. and Valerie looks a bit (a lot) like me with the glasses and dressed in dark colors, plus she spoke Spanish and there's .. no words to describe the joy i felt when seeing/hearing that. wait i'm getting emotional...

#6 My Personality Q&A

when i watched this Virgil was my favorite side and i didn't care much about the rest lol. when i heard his answers i related to him SO much it was scary, and also his voice is so soft and it was all very comforting. it was also when i first starting looking at Logan with more attention, because when he brought up Big Hero 6 and Fall Out Boy and said he didn't sing and would recite it like a poem? it only took a couple seconds but my brain said "me" and never went back.

now this video is a little underwhelming to watch for me, most of the appeal for me was in finding out the answers, and also watching it when we didn't know a lot about the sides. now we know more and want to know more so it's not as fun to me as it was first.

i wish so bad they'd do another one, although i know it would be more difficult with a much bigger audience, i think they can manage and i just need it. the chaos.. the energy.. they all being so savage with each other, learning little random facts about them you didn't expect.. i need it.

- ★ -

oh boy top 5 here we go. the next three are practically a tie. i can't choose.

#5 Alone on Valentines Day

i love Valerie, and the idea of this video was perfect and so perfectly excecuted. every side just giving their crazy opinions on how to woo a random stranger, i laughed SO much. first with Logan speaking simlish out of nowhere? at that point i didn't know practically anything about the sims except that it was some video game and the whiplash of Logan going AYO and the rest killed me. then when Roman whipped out that dialogue in Spanish??? my life was completed. i've never felt more happy than i did in that moment gosh. just the hilarity of Roman's drama, the shock of them speaking Spanish suddenly like that, the absolute JOY of seeing a creator i like speak (may i say) perfect Spanish, the other characters' faces after that.. never been happier.

also the conclusion was so cute. Virgil solving the whole problem without wanting to. i loved it.

#4 Am I Original

i think this video speaks for itself. it was fun to watch them all do the ideas Roman had, plus Logan and Virgil nodding at each other, (i love them so much), plus the angst at the end of Roman's perfectionism, plus Roman's just perfect name. this video has it all.

i think Thomas posted it kind of late at night and i watched it at 7am in the classroom as i waited for my classmates to arrive and the class to start. (i usually was like 40 minutes early to school due to mom’s work). i had to contain my laughter and it wasn’t easy.

#3 Losing My Motivation

i started loving this video after a while, when Logan passed Virgil in the position for my favorite side. but once he did this episode was beautiful. it's so funny and i love Logan and Patton's dynamic so much. and the video also so damn relatable in general. i felt so seen with it because they named all the problems i have when procrastinating, down to Patton's vague explanation of his feelings, it's exactly how i feel every time i want to do stuff. and the plot twist! i can hear the dramatic sound effect and see how they all turn to Logan clearly in my head, and it always makes me smile. plus there's so much Logan angst that can be dug up and overanalized. i love to watch it over and over.

#2 Accepting Anxiety

this video was perfect. everything we wanted. we knew it was coming and it delivered perfectly, better than any fanfic done in the waiting time. the week between the parts was agonizing but in a fun way somehow. i remember precisely when i was watching part 2 in my living room. i screamed. and i cried, a lot. i was feeling terrible at that time in my life and Thomas was such a comforting presence and i can't begin to describe how this episode made me feel.

and later it is always fun to rewatch with all their different reactions to being in Virgil's room, the energy of that was on point. Thomas is such a great actor and the characters where just amazingly performed. plus it gave so much to talk adn think about, the idea of the rooms, lots lots of insight into the characters, foreshadowing, so much. it's just perfect i have nothing else to say.

#1 (for purely emotional reasons, ironically) My Negative Thinking

i think Accepting Anxiety is the best episode of the season objectively but my favorite is My Negative Thinking. because i love Virgil and Logan so much and seeing them argue together was and is great. the comfort.. i can't repeat that word enough throughout this post. it's such a soft video while not being overwhelming with Patton and Roman's outbursts. just quiet (mostly) and clear and with perfectly timed humour.

Logan my beloved.. learning spanish... helping me with my own anxiety.. and their debate was so good. and the fact that they were friends i- i can't. Virgil didn't think Logan liked him and Logan told him explicitly that he did and the casual softness of it i cant even. Logan is happy that he tried.. it's just marvelous. Virgil and Logan as best friends will always be my favorite pair, and their dynamic will always be what i strive for in any relationship i might form, with both sides silently comforting each other within their own limits and realistic perspectives. so nice.

- ★ -

so yeah. that's all. thank you if you read all the way up to here. ♡ ♡ ♡

#sanders sides #thomas sanders #logan sanders #virgil sanders #patton sanders #roman sanders

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custom-emojis · 4 years

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trees-the-bees said: Hey! I sent an ask a little bit ago, but had no idea you were getting surgery! I'm so sorry I didn't see that! But the fact that you did is amazing!!! And when I'm old enough, I'm going to go through with it myself, what is the experience like if you don't mind me asking?

okay this ask was lost in The Great Inbox Nuking of 2020 but I really did mean to answer it and im finally going to, It’s just been. Hectic. for me. Anyways, I got top surgery through trans care/three bridges in BC, they hooked me up with doing most of the work of finding a dr etc.

BEFORE I CONTINUE, KEEP IN MIND: I am not a Doctor! This is my personal experience, and experiences may vary!

I waited for two and a half years. Almost 3 years, before getting a referral for Dr.Mckee in Burnaby BC (I’m fine with saying what Dr I went too, even if it reveals around where I live. I’m an adult)

He was alright to work with but i felt very rushed and nervous with him. but to walk to you through it, you’ll get to go to an appointment where he’ll take a look at your chest, maybe do some measurements, but mostly just talk. You’ll talk about what you want, what you want your scar shape to be (sometimes you get a choice in that!) if you want nipple grafts, and pros and cons of each thing, etc.

At least in my case my Dr discouraged nipple grafts since they’re very sensitive and delicate, but I elected to get them and am happy with them :D

You’ll also need to discuss quitting smoking if that’s something you do, Weed is okay if that’s something you do. Vaping is not allowed, no nic juice is.

So basically, if you use anything with nicotine you’ll HAVE to quit before surgery. Go with what your dr tells you, but I quit about two-three weeks before surgery cold turkey. I smoked a lot of weed during it to help cope and that was totally fine as long as you’re not high the day of or the day before surgery. When it was time to go in, surgery was extremely early. I got up around 5am for surgery lol. Had to be at the hospital for 7am and you cant eat or drink anything (not even water). You do a LOT of waiting and eventually they ask you to change into your gown. The doctor will come and talk with you, draw some marks on your chest, and they’ll do basic tests like a urine test (they did for me to test I had no nicotine in my system, as I was a smoker), and blood pressure, etc.

Then there’s more waiting. Seriously. A lot of waiting. Eventually they’ll give you some pills to take. These are antinauseants and pain killers from what I was told. Then they do the IV. God I was terrified for the IV and the doctor (not my surgeon) sucked at it. It hurt like a bitch. So heres my advice if you’re scared of needles like I am!

Ask to wait for the anesthesiologist.

After the Dr failed I was bawling my eyes out and panicking and asked to wait for the anesthesiologist since he knows what he’s doing, and asked him for some numbing cream. sure enough, he got me some numbing cream and when it was time for me to get the IV he used a small needle and I didn’t feel a thing! It was fantastic. The nurses were great and very comforting and the when you get the anestetics you mostly feel nothing? Like, for me it burned my hand a bit bc I had the smaller needle, but it got me to sleep!

If you wanna know what it feels like to go under, i unfortunately cant tell you much. I was just out like a light. They thankfully didn’t do the countdown for me, that’d of made me panic. I was just asleep, then suddenly awake. I personally had a really bad panic attack when I woke up from surgery but once I calmed down from that I was actually pretty good. I didn’t feel high or doped up. Eventually I was given more pain medication, you gotta wait around for a while to fully come out of all the drugs you were pumped full of, then you gotta get a ride home (you cant take public transit, you need a ride).

Then it’s immense amounts of sleep, pain killers, and bed rest for a week!

That week is the hardest. You can barely move, you gotta wear a tight, uncomfortable, medical binder the entire time and you gotta sleep on your back.

but once that weeks over with, you can start to slowly get back to your usual routine and you’re considered more or less good by a month post op!

The doctor might want another appointment at the month mark to see how things look and give you final advice, but otherwise you’re basically good!

If you wanna know anything else, feel free to ask any questions but hopefully this gives a walk through of the process and what it was like!

#top surgery #drugs tw

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31st · 4 years

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i was tagged by @foragings thank u❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️!!!

1. nickname: i dont have a nickname 👎😭 my mom called me cara bear when i was a kid

2. zodiac: gemini sun leo moon leo asc

3. height: 5′3 😐

4. hogwarts house: hahahahahaha

5. last thing i googled: “ursid meaning” i was playing scrabble

6. song stuck in my head: i actually dont have a song in my head cos i just woke up like two minutes ago

7. number of followers: 3606 on this blog

8. amount of sleep: idk i always sleep at like 2-5am ans then wake up at 7am ans sometimes i stay awake for a while then go back to sleep until 11 sometimes i go back to sleep right awY so its literallt random

9. lucky number: 17

10. dream job: i have lots of jobs id like to do ... smth in the medical field is most realistic but if i had the skill for it id love to be like .... an actor or newscastor/reporter lol or someone who travels a lot ... maybe smth really cool like a professional rock climber or i have a friend whos dad goes on rlly long crazy canoe trips or hiking trips and then writes about them for national geo and magazines like it

11. wearing: ummm i just woke up so a purple t shirt

12. favorite song: undercover ❤️ or heebiejeebies

13. favorite instrument: idk i dont really have one

14. aesthetic: like grey/stone areas with loads of plants around them if you understand what im saying

15. favorite author: i dont read

16. random: MY EAR HURTS

if u see this then i tag u ❤️

#long post

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lovemesomesurveys · 4 years

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Has the person you like ever seen you in your pajamas? I don’t like anyone in that way.

Did the last person you kissed celebrate your last birthday with you? No. The last one they celebrated with me was six years ago.

What’s the first word of the last text message you received? “Will”

Do you think you’ve changed at all over the past year? Not in a good way.

Is there a song that reminds you of your ex? Do you still listen to that song? Lithium by Nirvana. Especially a cover of it done by ThePeteBox.

Did you tag anyone in your last Facebook status? No.

How do you behave when you’re drunk? I was chatty and annoying I feel like.

What is your least favorite type of chocolate? Dark chocolate, blech.

When was the last time you felt disappointed? What was the reason? I’ve felt disappointed in myself these past few years.

Is there someone that can make you smile, even when you feel like crying? My doggo.

Is there a certain person on your mind right now? Tell me about him/her. No.

You’re getting ready to go to bed, and the last person you kissed shows up, what do you do? That would be completely random and out of the blue. I haven’t seen or talked to him in almost 6 years. I would certainly be surprised and confused and caught off guard. I wouldn’t go out and talk to him, though. I wouldn’t want him to see me right now. I honestly don’t know if I’d text him at least or not.

What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? I don’t remember. My mind is a jumbled mess.

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now? Nope.

Are you okay right now? I’m tired.

What time did you get up today? Sigh, like 930 after hardly sleeping at all.

When was the last time you saw your mom? Last night before she went to bed. She had the opening shift at work today so I haven’t seen her yet today.

What is the last thing you drank today? Water.

Do you dislike/hate anyone? No.

Where is your best friend right now? She’s at work.

When will your next kiss be? I have no idea.

Will you be up before 7 am tomorrow? 7AM is usually when I go to bed. :X

Does anyone completely understand you? I was just asked this in the previous survey I did, but no.

Who was the last girl you hugged outside of family? A friend. That was like 4 years ago.

Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days? My doggo.

What will you be doing in 3 hours? *shrug*

How often do you straighten your hair? I haven’t straightened my hair in years.

What are you currently looking forward to? To when my mom gets off work because I’m gonna ask if she can get me a Starbucks on her way home. I’m also hungry and wanting a breakfast sandwich, so I’ll probably have one later. She’s not off for 5 more hours. D:

Is tomorrow gonna be a good day? What are you going to do? I don’t have anything out of the ordinary going on.

Who did you last hang out with? My mom.

Did anyone see your last kiss? Probably.

Could things possibly get any better? Uh, I sure wish they would.

Do you know who you’ll even kiss next? Nope.

Do you ever sleep in jeans? I haven’t in years, but I have before in the past. I don’t know how I did that. I’ve been living in leggings for the past few years and I can’t imagine doing that now.

Name something you dislike about the day you’re having? I only got like 2-3 hours of sleep.

Did you get a full 8 hours of sleep last night? Yesterday I got like 10 hours, which is insane. My brother came in and woke me up because it was after 6PM. I never get that much sleep anymore, so I have no idea what that was about. But now today I only slept like 2-3 hours. I tried going back to sleep, but couldn’t and now here I am. Sigh.

Are you in love lately? That’s a weird way of saying it, but no. It’s been a few years since I’ve had those kind of feelings.

How often do you see your ex? I haven’t seen him in almost 6 years.

Who was the last person to text you? My pharmacy.

Did you like anyone last summer? No.

Do you replay things that have happened in your head? All the time.

Who was the last person you stayed up with till 2am? My brother and I stay up late all the time, though we’re in our own rooms.

Do you want a boyfriend or girlfriend? Not at this time.

Are you currently in a relationship? No.

Do you use a full length mirror daily? No.

Would you be shocked if the person you have feelings for texted you? I don’t have feelings like that for anyone.

Is there anyone you wish you could fix things with? Yes. I have to fix myself first, though.

What are you planning on doing after this? I’m waiting for my church’s livestream service to start in like 30 minutes.

Is there a girl you would do anything for? I’d do a lot for my mom.

Who IMed you on facebook last? I had been messaging a family friend a couple weeks ago about something.

How old are you? 31.

Do you love dogs? Yesssss. I don’t know how anyone couldn’t.

Were you finished childhood and teens when Harry Potter movies came out? The first one came out when I was 12 and the last one came out when I was 22.

Did you keep all your VHS tapes? No, just the Disney ones.

Do you think Jack Nicholson is a good actor? Sure.

Have you ever watched an episode of "The Honeymooners"? Nope.

Have you ever owned a pair of high-top Converse? No, just flat tops.

Do you have rain boots with a cute pattern on them? I don’t own any rain boots.

Would you rather eat an apple or an orange right now? Neither, but if I had to I’d choose the apple cause I don’t like oranges.

Would you rather do a cartwheel on land or a backflip in water? I can’t do either one.

Have you ever performed on stage in front of people? Yeah, for choir and band concerts. Never by myself.

Were you kinda scared of the goths in high school? No.

What size is your mattress?(single,twin,double,queen,king) Full size.

Do you eat foods from all 4 food groups everyday? Not even close.

Do you sleep in PJs? I always wear leggings and graphic tees and sleep in that as well.

Do you prefer watching TV or listening to music? Depends on my mood, but I haven’t been listening to music lately.

Would you rather watch a movie in theatre or at home? There are some movies I love experiencing in theaters for the first time.

Do you prefer brown or white rice? Neither.

Do you like spaghetti? Yes.

What about lasagna? Not so much. It’s the type of noodle I have an issue with. I’m weird and particular about my food and when it comes to pasta, I like thin noodles.

Do you celebrate Christmas? Yesss.

Is your Thanksgiving celebrated in October too? No, it’s in November.

Do you like chocolate bars? Sure.

what about ice cream? Sure. I haven’t had either one in awhile, though.

Have you ever been stung by anything? What was it? No, thankfully.

Do you get tired easily? I’m just always tired.

Or do you always have plenty of energy to spare? Hahahah, no.

Have you ever done volunteer work? Where? Yeah, I’ve done a lot of volunteer work. What about court-ordered community service? No.

Have you ever worn contacts?(even just to try them out) No. I’ve always been too scared.

Would you wear contacts on a daily basis? No.

Are your ears pierced? How many times? Just my earlobes.

Do you have GOD-GIVEN(not dyed) natural brown hair too? Yes.

Or were you born blonde? Nope.

Have you found a gray hair on your head or body before? Ugh, once I turned 30 they started popping up.

Have you ever had any suspicious moles removed? Nope.

Have you ever been screened for STDs? No.

Are all your wisdom teeth pulled? Yes.

Did you have your tonsils taken out? Nope.

Did you have your appendix taken out? No.

How many kidneys do you have?(have you donated one?) I have both of them.

Would you(to save someone)?^^^ I don’t know if I could, like health wise.

Have you ever found a bug or slug in your salad? skjflsfjklds nooooooo.

Do you like Harry Potter? I enjoyed the movies.

What about Twilight? I was really into Twilight back when the books and movies were coming out, but I outgrew it and find it kinda cringe now lol. How do you feel about Lord of the rings? I never got into that.

Are you going to see 'The Hobbit' when it comes out? ---

Do you have a glass that says 'Molson Canadian' on it? No.

Do you have any collector's glasses or cups or mugs? I do.

Would you rather have a white fridge or a black fridge or a stainless steel fridge? Black.

What size shoe do you wear? 6 in women’s (US). Each of my Adidas are actually a 3 or 4 in kid’s sizes, though.

Do you have a wide foot or a narrow foot or just average? Average, I guess.

Do you bite your nails when you're stressed? I pick and clip my nails constantly.

Do you have to take an allergy pill daily in order to live normally? No.

Are you on the birth control pill? Nope.

Or are you trying to get pregnant? Absolutely not. I’m just not sexually active, so.

You'd rather wear black sneakers or sneakers in a bright color or pattern? Black.

Has anyone ever told you they were attracted to you? Shockingly, yes.

Can you swim well in water way above your head? I can’t swim.

Are you afraid of thunder & lightening? No.

Have you ever experienced an earthquake? No.

What about a tornado? Nope.

Are you closer to your dad?(more so than your mom) I’m closer to my mom.

Were you your parents' first born? I’m their first together, but not my mom’s. She had my older brother before meeting my dad.

Do you have a child? Is the father still with you? No.

Did you trade stickers at recess when you were a kid? No.

How old were you when you had your first crush? Do you remember their name? I was 9 and his name was Philip.

Can you even remember what the hell they looked like? Vaguely.

Have you ever operated any type of motorized vehicle before? No.

Are you going to drink alcohol tonight? Nope. I haven’t drank in 8 years and have no desire to.

Have you ever heard of the Canadian kids show called "Mr. Dressup"? Nope.

What about the kids show "Fred Penner's Place"? Nope.

Did you hate Sesame Street when you were little too? No.

Were you born perfectly healthy or with some(or a lot) of health issues? I was born healthy.

What are those 'said' health issues? –

Do you collect DVDs? No. I don’t have that many.

Do you download music? Nope. I’ve just used Spotify the past several years now.

Or do you still go to stores and buy CDs? No, I have’t done that in yearssss.

Did you skip(jumo-rope) a lot as a kid? No.

Did you ever catch any bugs or insects with your friends as a kid? EW, noooooo.

Didn't you just LOVE art class in elementary school?! Yeah.

Have you ever played dodgeball? Ugh, yes. I hated dodgeball. I don’t find having a ball thrown at me to be fun at all. I was always scared of getting hit in the face.

What about Red Rover? Yes.

Have you ever played "What time is it mr. wolf?"? It doesn’t sound familiar.

Do you hate your weight? Yes.

Have you ever struggled with a mental illness? I do.

Serious question, peanut butter or nutella? Peanut butter, hands down. I don’t get the hype of Nutella.

Have you ever stepped on a snail? Gahhhh, I’ve run over one before.

Do you prefer baked potatoes or mashed potatoes? I like both.

Do you prefer ankle socks over regular socks? I only wear ankle socks.

Last movie you've seen in theaters? The Invisible Man. That was almost. a year ago now. I miss going to the theater.

What is your oldest sibling's middle name? I’m not sharing that.

Have you ever been to Disneyland or Disney World? I have been to Disneyland several times, I love it. I’d love to go to Disney World someday.

Would you ever go backpacking across any country? No.

Would you prefer to travel around the world by yourself or with a friend? I definitely wouldn’t go alone.

Do you like breadsticks? I do.

Do you usually wear shorts around your house all year long? I never wear shorts, I’m a leggings gal.

What state were you born in? California.

Have you ever had a nose bleed? Nooo, thankfully. I would freak out.

How far away do you live from your birthplace? Still live there.

Do you have a weak stomach? Yes.

Do you know anybody who has been diagnosed with cancer? Yes.

Have you ever had to take care of an intoxicated person? No.

Have you ever considered becoming a lawyer? No. Definitely not cut out for that.

Do you *really* like donuts? Yesss.

Do you think Disney World could ever get old? Not to me.

If you could, would you hookup with the last person you texted? Uh, NO, absolutely not. The only people I text and text me are my parents, brother, and my Nana....

What are your favorite things to spend money on? Food, coffee, clothes.

Will you talk to the person you like on the phone tonight? I don’t like anyone in that way.

What do you usually order on a pizza? *finishing this hours later from when I started* White sauce, feta and ricotta cheese, garlic, spinach, crumbled meatballs, and pesto. Do you and your boyfriend/girlfriend fight a lot? I’m single.

Who's the first person with the letter "m" in your contacts? My mom.

Which would you rather have a new puppy or kitten? Puppy.

How old will you be on your next birthday? 32.

What color are your underwear? Blue.

Do you ever feel self-conscious when you eat around other people? Yes.

#personal #text #survey #surveys #long survey

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drinkfantasy · 4 years

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tag game ★~(◡﹏◕✿)

50 questions you’ve never been asked before

I was tagged by @ohwaitimthewriter tysm,

what is the color of your hairbrush?

It’s actually a comb made of wood, so brown.

are you typically too warm or too cold?

you mean literally...? Too warm.

what were you doing 45 minutes ago?

I was in class

what is your favorite candy bar?

Not into candy bars that much.. but i used to love kitkat and twix

have you ever been to a professional sports event?

Nope

what is the last thing you said out loud?

how fluflly and chubby my cat is and how much love him. He happily agreed while still eating, that little greedy blob of fluff... not that little tho lol

what is your favorite ice cream?

I’d say salted caramel. I can’t have any other flavor since I tried that goddamn ice cream, I haven't lived until the thing touched my lips. oh my.

what was the last thing you had to drink?

Coffee

do you like your wallet?

I guess..

what was the last thing you ate?

Peanut butter and Nutella sandwich (breakfast)

did you buy any new clothes last weekend?

nope, im broke af.

i just realized that i havent bought new clothes in years, dude... o.o

the last sporting event you watched?

I don’t really watch sport nor TV

what is your favorite flavor of popcorn?

Traditional...

who is the last person you sent a text message to?

To my therapist

ever go camping?

YES. I LOVE IT AND MISS IT T.T

do you take vitamins?

YES

do you go to church every Sunday?

Nope.

do you have a tan?

I’m a redhair too, so the only thing i get is red all over than a very weird zebra look 😂

do you prefer Chinese food or pizza?

PIZZA

do you drink your soda with a straw?

YES.

but I have those reusable ones

what color socks do you usually wear?

hmm, I hate socks so I barely have them, when I do they're either white or black

do you ever drive above the speed limit?

I don't know how to drive yet...

what terrifies you?

I don't have any specific phobia, but the thought of an unfulfilled life terrifies me for sure

look to your left, what do you see?

Water bottle and lamp

what chore do you hate?

All of them, I wish I were rich so I could pay people to do that for me srsly. I hate!!!! it never ends... IT NEVER ENDS!!!

what do you think of when you hear an Australian accent?

the bunny form the Rise of the Guardians movie and huntsman spiders o.o

what’s your favorite soda?

Coca cola

do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive-thrus?

Neither of them. When I really miss getting sick to much stomach I just fry some stuff at home and then eat them and regret my whole existence

who’s the last person you talked to?

To my dad

favorite cut of beef?

I’m vegan, so I like my cow alive and happy

last song you listened to?

I Giorni (arr. for violin, piano and string) Ludovico Einaudi, Daniel Hope

IM IN LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE THIS SONG IS SO BEAUTIFUL *-*

last book you read?

The power of now.. still reading tho.. along with 3 other books.

favorite day of the week?

Saturday

can you say the alphabet backwards?

Err...

how do you like your coffee?

I like my coffee like i like myself. strong and brazilian

favorite pair of shoes?

Barefoot

the time you normally go to sleep?

Around 22h

the time you normally get up?

Around 6 or 7am. it depends on the day

what do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets?

Sunsets 🌇

how many blankets on your bed?

One

describe your kitchen plates

I barely have them... srsly they're all glass, all them 3 lol

do you have a favorite alcoholic beverage?

Hm.. wine and there's thing drink they make here in brazil which you mix wine with condensed milk and MY DUDES THAT THING IS DELICIOUS AND HOW IT GETS YOU DRUNK love it.

do you play cards?

Not really but would love to learn

what color is your car?

In my dreams it’s black

can you change a tire?

nope

favorite job you’ve ever had?

Heiress. Never been one but would love to.. Srsly.

it’s work. everything i do for obligation sucks. I just wish i were rich and didn't have to worry about my dues so i could actually devote my time to my passions and helping people.

how did you get your biggest scar?

Suicide attempt on my wrist. BUT IM FINE NOW. it’s been years and the scars healed pretty well. I barely remember them and they don't bother me any longer

what did you do today that made someone else happy?

Huh, nothing... but hey it's only 9am!

I tag @supersoldierslover @glitterghost @dead-welsh-king @shawn-and-harry and whoever wants to join in!

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tempestshakes01 · 5 years

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happy and anxious.

happy because i love my apartment and i love Lil Cup of Joe. he is a terror and the sweetest boy ever, and i feel so much love for him. this is why i can’t be around an animal for an extended period of time. i will die for any creature i get attached to and lil joe is now my baby.

but i am anxious because i put of working when my brother brought home a puppy. he didn’t ask me to, but he’s an idiot who’s never home and bought a puppy to make him come home. i gave him 3 days and when his habits didn’t change, joe was being left alone and untrained, and i needed a running buddy--well, i took over. joe’s now potty-trained and knows a few (one) command. i take him everywhere to socialize him. he’s mine. but i’ll never say that to nick. who still needs to go therapy. i don’t know him. i don’t know what goes on in that head of his. it’s like we switched personalities in our 20s. i went from the quiet, serious type to basically a manic 13 yr old boy. he went from a wildly charismatic clown to a brooding hipster. what makes him laugh? what is he thinking? what is he passionate about? how does he talk to other ppl for hours but he can barely speak to his family for more than half of one? what did we do?

i got really angry the other night thinking about the fights i’ve had with my parents this past year.

1) washington d.c. - mom and i got into to it in front of the fuckin white house at dusk. i was so emotional and upset at being there, right there where trump fucks over our country, and my mom was being...well, the woman fox news molded. i was furious and trying to keep it nice, so i asked if we could just stop. stop talking. i was gonna blow up. and my mom was like, “why do we stop when you say stop, but when i ask to stop, you continue?” which...is it true? i didn’t think so, and because i can’t keep my mouth shut, i argued until i walked away. i walked into the crowds and then i kept walking. i kept walking. i kept walking.

it was terrible. i texted her “i’m gone” and i left.

i forgot the details but i wandered that area of d.c. got a coffee. tried not to cry. and then...remembered how much trouble my mom’s phone was giving her, that her gps apps weren’t being accurate, that she wasn’t confident at the metro, and that it was now dark. that she was alone in an unfamiliar city with a camera bag strapped to her screaming “i’m a tourist!”

i felt like utter and complete shit. it was one of the most despicable things i’ve ever done. later, i told some people and they were like “she’s a grown woman! you were both upset!” but no. i can’t make excuses like that. i knew that my mom was scared. i burst into tears. a crazy sobbing girl in the middle of d.c. i immediately texted her and told her to get back to me when she got to the hotel.

an hour later, back at the hotel, my mom couldn’t even look at me. couldn’t speak to me. i knew i had to apologize and i did, wording it carefully because i walking on a minefield. i again blocked out most of the conversation, but it quickly dissolved into a mess of confessions. i was wrecked. at first because of what happened, but as our conversation turned into an argument, i became furious again. over how she interpreted some of our interactions. over how i “blamed” her for my anxiety and anger. i told her i got my anger from her. that i was slow to it like my father, but when something lit inside me it burned bright and hot and deadly like her. that her grudges and cold shoulders hurt me so, so badly when i was a kid (which she then explained wasn’t a grudge, just her processing her anger...but that was way, way into the night). oh god, it was so bad. so bad. she confessed how she felt about all us kids. told me about her problems with andi and nick. told me she wanted to move away from us. told me she didn’t want a relationship with me or them if it was going to be like this.

i didn’t sleep. just cried and cried. like i did when i was a kid. sobbed in the bathroom and then under my covers. we barely talked the next day, but it slowly became okay. i didn’t know how to explain how much i loved her, so i tried to show her.

in the end, we were ok enough.

2) driving 30 hrs across the country - my dad and i were talking and he told me how he didn’t get us, and that we were hurting mom by rejecting her or something. he was upset and my dad doesn’t get upset, so i got upset and moody. and he was like “why are you like this? just with me? just with us. you’re so cruel.” and i knew it was true but it still took me an hour to snap out of it. and i apologized.

but i feel sometimes angry bc i got the emo dump from both my parents. about both my siblings! and they don’t even talk to them about it! my parents don’t even touch nick anymore! they leave him alone because it’s easier that way and he wouldn’t listen even if they tried to talk to him! and my sister would get super huffy and feel judged and act out in some way and take the kids! so. i get it but i hate it!!! because i got the feelings dump! i got the tears and the hours of psychoanalyzing why we are the way we are! and i hate that i feel burdened by it sometimes?

i want to be there for my parents but sometimes i’m that petulant child that still wants a mommy and daddy, not two parents who are human and exist with their own emotional life. and that’s so unfair to them and wrong of me, but i feel that way because i’m the child that gets this brunt of this side of them.

but it’s because in my own way im the most difficult and this shit spills out when i push them.

my parents (mostly mom) are only getting more set in their ways and defensive of their opinions. my mom...my mom who taught me so much about art and the world and appreciating different cultures and music and lived life with such vigor and wonder...i can see that fading and hardening. she’s stubborn about what she like and doesn’t have much interest in anything new. she’s offended and hurt when i gently bring up her how she used to be.

my dad’s always been this way. very traditional, but kind. spoiled, but hardworking. likes what he likes. but he’s eating more greens. he’ll try what i make because i made it. we listened to latino usa and old radio lab podcasts that whole drive from wa to tx, and he loved it, and we discussed the episodes. and i loved him so much because he gave them a shot and we connected.

but my mom. my mom. i miss her and she’s right there, but she’s not. and i know i’m part of the reason she’s retreated into herself and her more ‘sturdy’ beliefs and the friends who share them. she’s so quick to judge and harsh about it these days. is it age? is it us? is it this horrible world?

i came home to this. i came home and how quickly people change bc i didn’t expect my mom to be so old. in spirit. she’s tired. she doesn’t trust me. we’re working on being gentle. i’m working on not being so quick to anger.

my dad and i...i’m thrilled we’re getting along so well after i treated him like shit during the ~separation years~ between my parents. i was awful to him and he knew why, but he never called me out on it.

my sis and i are fine. i’m so relieved she got out of that last relationship with that TERRIBLE PERSON and came to her senses, and somewhat grew up. we kick it. she cooks for me. we don’t completely jive cause she’s hood, but can code-switch between worlds, and i’m suburban through and through, so i’m not as cool or smooth as she is. i’m her dorky weird little sister and i appreciate her love for me.

my brother? a mystery. a complete mystery.

and i’m reminded of how he called me on my birthday and started weeping and asking about therapy and saying he’s sorry he never believed in my anxiety because it’s true--you don’t ask for, you don’t know why it appears, and it wrecks you. and he deals with it now for no discernible reason and he sounded so, so broken over the phone that i was shaking and crying when we hung up.

but now he’s as chill as ever and takes minimal care of his puppy because the 1st dog he got was pretty hands-off from the jump, but she was grown and pooed and peeded everywhere for months (he says no, but that’s selective memory), so now lil joe is mine and i need to get a job because the lack of structure is killlllllllllllllingggggg me. but i don’t want to leave lil joe :(

it’s funny how i never set out to write all this shit, but it comes spilling out.

huh. wait.

i left and i worked on myself but then i missed my family.

did i come back to work on the family? to work on my relationship with them? is that my purpose here and why i felt compelled to return?

went climbing with GA. i was totally afraid of falling and bouldering isn’t as fun to me as top rope, but i wanna keep at it.

trying to set something up with B and A. my buds. i love em.

gotta set something up with L because I have a feeling we’ll be good friends here. and weirdly, BG contacted me even though I haven’t talked to him since college? and even then we weren’t that close. he was just inching toward asking me out and never managed it.

fav emmy looks: zendaya (obviously. omg, whatta babe), maisie williams (whatta look, suits her perfectly, killed it), gwen christie (whatta jesus babe), that girl in the billowing mint green dress, anddddd clea duvall (a babe in a tux).

vm continue to make me sad and hopefully things go well with tour for them. it’s nice to see them getting along with charlie and tanith. with bby charlie and tati and max’s kid coming along...oh boy for scott’s emotions. he’s gonna ignore the HELL out of those sad feeling for what couldvebeen with tess and he’s gonna plan hard for his and j’s future offspring instead. (can i also predict that i think one thing scott’s gonna have trouble with in his marriage--oddly enough--is keeping the marriage a partnership and not bulldozing over his spouse with his wants and needs ...wait, that’s not odd lol)

anyway, gotta take joe out to pee. gotta get to bed soon because i wanna be on the trails by 7am and then maybe to the climbing gym. this face maybe a potato but my body can improve! (i’m thicc at the moment thanks to texas food 🤧)

#miranda this is your life

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dailyjeons · 6 years

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BTS account 13/10/18

didn’t do merch cause i did that in london, didnt go for studio cause that was probably not feasible with how our lines were going (at least i was too scared to do it).. sucks cause i didnt get allowed into the london booth while in the amsterdam booth everyone was queue-ing up anyways and getting in lol

bolding the subjects so you can skip parts that dont interest you

pre concert stuff So I was going to the concert with a person(Julie) I met through tumblr, she responded to my message asking if people wanted to queue up in GA with me cause I was alone. She was with a group of people and they basically adopted me so that was nice!! Julie was super kind, constantly looking out for me, for my anxiety too and just I really loved being with her, time really flew!! We prioritized looking out for eachother over seeing the boys so I was really happy bout that! We basically queued up at 7AM in the 'unofficial line' that later on became the official one! Campers were sent out, I believe, but they probably came back early still! We still had a fairly decent spot I suppose? The camping out itself wasn't too stressful but I had a lot of anxiety bout being in the pit in a crowd of people, not havin bathroom breaks and being on 2 hours of sleep gjkfg Julie tried to reassure me through all of that. there were some fans giving out some stuff in the line!! like arts and stuff and i got this from a jimin fansite, i think she was japanese?

it was so funny basically she did rock paper scissors with fans to determine if they’d win.. i lost but she gave it to me anyways?? LOL she didnt give it to anyone else that lost LOL

gettin into pit Eventually we got in and fortunately my tickets worked!! We like rushed into the left side but the view was not bad, ok, then we tried for the right side and we got similar views? But I think overall it was just a little better! We were around the sixth/fifth row in the pit but we moved up a bit to the fifth/fourth during the concert. I had a fairly good view on the stage, and could see the boys clearly!! I still used my iphone to film cause of the amazing quality zoom it has and i have so much gooood footage ahhhh my hands are super shaky though so thats annoying but oh well, its something! they like handed out water very often thank god so i could cool off and drink durin the concert!! we had to stand for like 3 hours inside so i was getting really nervous but once the concert started it was fine!!

concert Anyways the concert itself was mindblowing? They're actually sosososo good live it's actually insane how they sing live through their choreo or while bouncing around. Tear is still my favorite performance but the crowd went a little too wild around then so i didnt enjoy it as much :( They also did the medley I prefered (w Baepsae) which made so happy cause i got to experience both medleys now jdskfhfsdf.. i do feel like the performances were better for the London date, but the interactions and the boys happiness were on a much higher level in Amsterdam, especially with jungkook flying around trying to dance!! That said I felt like the crowd fell a little bit flat.. When the Jimin/Namjoon VCR was playing everyone was screaming initially for both but after a hot minute they like only screamed for Jimin?? The silence was actually deafening so Julie and I decided to help with Namjoon's screams then, and it was so disappointing we were legitimately the only 2 people screaming for him in such a venue lol. Crowd did however go wild at Kim Seokjin's performance, and IT'S WHAT HE DESERVES. Overall I think Seokjin and Jimin had the best reactions in Amsterdam, and London both.

impressions on boys As for the boys. Gonna be honest with y'all I was so busy filming Jungkook solo all day that I didn't really notice others?? fdjkghdf since i already had thel ondon date i figured today was jungkook's day now i had sights on him proper.. Some notes, Yoongi, Jimin and Namjoon spoke some Dutch and it was super cute!! Yoongi did it first fjgdkhfdg

Yoongi: Super smol but big hands, and fluffy cheeks (he bloats really easily lolol) his see saw performance was REALLY good today too, i feel like reaction to seesaw is the best, everyone's always singing the whole song w it while most of the crowd struggled with their title tracks in both london and amsterdam LOLLL yoongi must be so proud over it.. also he's the first to speak in dutch to us but it was like really suddenly right before they were performing so nobody really noticed fjghkdfg and u know when he makes a dad joke and he smiles flustered, but nobody reacts to his jokes.. he did that thing LOLLL

Namjoon; very long and slender, his legs are legit 70% of his body and he went offffff today like when he's into shit like tear i cry cuz oh my god merCY kjdfhgdhjkfg Namjoon seemed to really love Amsterdam tbh he kept talking bout stuff to do while the others had fairly standard stuff to say, with a lot of repeat from the london concert too (which is fine vconsidering its hard for themt o speak in eng too)

Hoseok: He looks a lot sharper irl?? im not sure if i said differently last time, but now i saw him up close he's definitely much more handsome, cameras dont do him justice.. also he always has the most gentle smile on his face and it calmed me down a lot jkfgh

Taehyung: tbh im not sure if i missed him but i didnt really see him on my side a lot? i think like a few times i tried to film but couldnt really get it..?? julie did tho.. he's kind of.. small? but not small like yoongi but small like i'd confuse him for a high school kid.. BUT his face?? is really smth else his face is SO small but his features are sooooooo big and sharp.. god himself shaped this boy

Jin: ok yeah this man is 10000% more handsome irl liek i was filmin jk and lost focus and then jin appeared and i almost dropped my phone cause what the fuck?? hes GORGEOUS.. he didnt do the forehead/glasses look today though, unfortuantely cause jesus christ that was something else. he was bein a crackhead to jk again today rofll

jimin: he's legit a fairy irl lol it doesnt make sense.. like.. he's... really pretty....... super super super pretty, guys like legitimiately glowing.. he was super playful today and he seemed really happy to perform on his birthday which is super pure considering.. who likes working on their birthday? he like moved his dressshirt/blouse off shoulder a bit during the fake love portion of the set and oh ym god h..e..........HE... his collar... i want 2 kiss it.......platonically.

as for jimin's birthday.. omg he's so cute? they were at the extended stage when his birthday message came up (a message in dutch) and he like instantly rushed back to the main stage to show off his birthday message and he proceeded to talk in dutch about how it's his birthday, and how army are his gift?? it was suuuper cute!! imagine Jimin practicing his dutch just for this moment fdgkjhdf

jungkookie!!

Anyways onto ma boy!! Jungkook is absolutely unreal pretty. He didn't look as bloated/pained today so i guess i saw The Jungkook today and he's so.. sharp looking??? like his jawline and cheekbones are insane and like the dimple?? ughhhhh he looked a lil smaller now i was upclose but his thighs were still gods gift.. also he did forehead kookie instead of coconut kookie, i remain blessed.. he always hears my prayers..

throughout the show he was honestly super cute, he kept dancing in his chair to the choreo, spinning in circles while doing it, hopping around the stage slowly to wave and look at every fan.. he even looked towards me at some point but i legitimately dodged and turned away cause like I FELT SO GReaYS ANd i'd rather not have him see me like that lmaooo anyways it's so super cute how despite his injury he still tries to give it his all at all times, and now he could walk around he's instantly back at trying to make interactions with all fans?? a precious baby honestly!!

his ending ment was really-really sweet as well and it always amazes me how eloquent he can get when he gets to share us his real feelings.. i really am glad he's not too disappointed in himself anymore and has reached a point where he's just working on getting better instead<3!!

other than that, just like in london.. jungkook's vocals are insane. i don't care that he's not top tier vocalist in terms of technique but he got smth completely else and thats' how comffortably he can move around in his range and remain stable and it's just.. so amazing to hear him hit certain notes with almost.. ease? voice never cracks even after 23948234 songs it's so sickkkk

anyways this was definitely one of the best nights in my life.. despite allt hes tress and anxiety.. i’m sosoosos glad i went through all of this for that.. i had the greatest company and ended up having the greatest experience<3

#ania shut up!#bts in amsterdam 2018 #if i got typo''s etc its not proofread #just honest thoughts!!#there they go super long

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papikakashikahn · 6 years

Text

Jaebum/Serenity AU/ Request

Word Count: 4,378

This request is for @cutiepjy. Before you read, it’d be good to know that this relate’s to Jaebum’s song, Rainy. If you haven’t heard it before, I posted just the audio on my Tumblr, and the video is bellow this paragraph. Anyways, theres a part where he sings it (lol spoiler who?), and I put the English lyrics instead of the Korean obviously. Anyways though, just know it doesn’t rhyme. Other than that ENJOY. PS: To anyone just now reading this: Basically I have a list of 27 lyrics from several GOT7 songs. You can chose one or two, as well as a Member you’d like the request to be with, and dm me 😊. To read the forum click here! ANYWAYS! Hope you enjoy !!!

here’s rainy by Im Jaebum

se·ren·i·ty

/səˈrenədē/

noun

The state of being calm, peaceful, and untroubled.

Spring was one of your most favorite times of the year. The weather was always fairly nice, being neither too hot or cold. It was the season where love was in the air, and the world was becoming lively since it’s winter hibernation. But this spring, you had felt oddly the opposite of lively. You and your group had just debuted two months ago, and although it should have been an exciting time for you, you were absolutely exhausted. It felt like the days were passing by monotonously. Maybe it was the stress, maybe it was insomnia… maybe it was even both, but you couldn’t sleep at night for the past 3 weeks. And when you did, it was for only a few hours past 4 am, just to wake up at 7am the same morning for practice. You just felt ready to faint at any moment, and you knew that obviously wasn’t a good sign.

There were so many things going on lately that could be the source of your stress. Other than your debut, your distant ex-boyfriend had suggested the two of you see “other people”. You expected to be stress-free after debuting, but that was certainly not the case.

At the very moment, you were standing at a bus stop, in the rain. But you hadn’t really cared to bring an umbrella with you today. You had come from dance practice, waiting for the bus that took you straight to the dorm you shared with your members. You must have looked like an absolute idiot to anyone around you, but you couldn’t have care less. You were indifferent to everything around you, you were just so tired. It was almost as if you were in a never-ending dream state, and after awhile that just becomes depressing. You leaned your forehead on the cool metal of the stop sign beside you, imagining going home and taking a nap. In your head, it was the thing you wanted most. You imagined going home on a rainy afternoon, curling up with a heating pad and a blanket, and falling asleep for hours on end. You were so tired you thought you might just sleep on the bus. You yawned at the thought of it. Maybe you wouldn’t even make it on the bus, maybe you could just fall asleep against this pole right here, right now.

“Y/N?” a familiar voice prodded.

You noticed the rain had stopped pouring on you, which was strange because you could still hear it. Your eyes fluttered open slowly to see a close friend of yours was standing before you, holding an umbrella over you.

“Jaebum!” you exclaimed confused as to why he was here, although you really were happy to see him.

“What are you doing out in the rain without an umbrella?” he asked, concern laced in his voice.

Jaebum was always so attentive to you. For the past 3 years, the two of you had been very close friends, but you hadn’t talked to him all too much lately. It wasn’t because you didn’t want to, in fact, you really enjoyed Jaebum's company. But really, you hadn’t talked to anyone lately because of your situation.

You shrugged slightly, leaning your head back onto the pole.

“I just got done with dance practice.” you explained to him simply.

“Ah, no wonder you look so tired.” he observed with a laugh. You glared at him. I mean, sure you knew you hadn’t been having a great sleep schedule, but why’d he have to say it like that?

He probably realized that what he had said might have came off as offensive as his eyes darted elsewhere. “Ahem, anyways how have you been? We haven’t talked lately...” he said, sounding slightly disappointed.

“I’ve been better. Sorry… I haven’t been feeling so good lately.” you muttered while twiddling with your fingers. You felt Jaebum staring at you, in that kind of concerned way again.

“Are you hungry?” Jaebum asked suddenly. You looked up automatically at the mention of food. “Ah-um- no I just ate actually.” you explained trying to give a forced smile. Just then, your stomach began to growl. The two of you both looked down at it.

“...Your stomach says otherwise.” Jaebum stated slyly while pointing to it. You rolled your eyes and crossed your arms.

Stupid stomach

“I was heading to my studio, do you wanna come? I’ll make you ramen.” he suggested with one of his sheepish smiles.

”Plus you could hear the song I’ve been working on! I’d really like your opinion on it actually...” he told you in an uncertain tone, while looking to the cement.

There was no way in hell anyone could say no to Im Jaebum when he looked like THAT. And neither could you.

You nodded your head simply, trailing beside him as he led the way.

“So a new song you say?” you smirked, looking to him.

His ears became red at the mention of it.

“I’ve been trying to write a song to show JYP, but all the ones I’ve already shown him, he’s shot down.” Jaebum explained with a sigh while rubbing the back of his neck.

Your mouth naturally formed a pout at seeing how disappointed he looked.

“It’s getting really frustrating if I’m being honest.” he sighed, twirling the handle of the umbrella. He then proceeded to look at you, slapping on a cheery smile.

“But I have a really good feeling about this one I’m working on. It feels like my best work, I’m proud of it so far.” he confessed. You smiled at Jaebum as well. You thought he looked the most attractive when speaking about his songwriting. When Jaebum talked about his passions, it was almost so beautiful it could make you cry. His positive energy was refreshing.

“I can’t wait to hear it.” you smiled at him genuinely.

At first, you didn’t want to go to his studio with him, because right now you really didn’t have the energy to talk to anyone, but when you were with Jaebum you never felt tired. Jaebum was a great friend to you. Not only could he read you like a book, but when you were calm, he was energetic, and when you energetic, he was calm. In a sense, some could say you completed each other. Plus if Jaebum’s song DID turn out to be a hit, you wanted to be able to boast that you were one of the first ones to hear it.

While reviewing this all in your head, you hadn’t even noticed you were about to walk right into someone. When you had looked up realizing there was someone right in front of you, you hadn’t had enough time to move out of the way. Thankfully though, Jaebum pulled your arm so that you were out of the man's way just in time.

After a moment you looked to Jaebum who was staring at you, with eyes full of concern.

Jaebum was always such a gentleman. He was ever so cautious and thoughtful, especially over the small things, which was something you liked about him a lot. Just this time last year, you had a crush on him. You never diverged more into what the two of you’s relationship could be outside of friends, because just months later that spring, you had gotten a boyfriend. The odd thing was that when your ex-boyfriend had suggested you’d see other people, you hadn’t cried over it. You often questioned if that was even okay, considering you were with him for 7 months. Nevertheless, you had never gotten any confirmation if Jaebum liked you back. It was only a mere crush.

Then again, it was possible the two of you were just friends and your feelings were getting misconstrued. That happened often when you had guy friends ..,right?

What was odd though, you thought, was just after he touched your arm just now you felt slightly more awake.

You then proceeded to look to the side at Jaebum. His skin was tan and dewy, his jawline sharp, and his hair wavy from the rain. He had two beauty marks under his eye that were so perfect they looked like tattoos. It was no wonder he had so many fans. Jaebum was handsome as hell.

Being too distracted admiring Jaebum’s perfect imperfections, you hadn’t noticed that your clumsy ass was about to walk into the street, when it wasn’t your turn to cross.

Before you had gone too far, Jaebum pulled you back to him. Realizing this, you looked to Jaebum in shock, only to find him as in shock as well.

His eyebrows furrowed together, trying to figure out why you were acting so oblivious to your surroundings...twice within 5 minutes. It was then that Jaebum probably realized there was something really wrong going on with you, and that it was more than you just not feeling well lately.

Sighing yet again, he let go of your arm, the back of his hand grazing against yours. The rest of the way to JB’s private studio, you kept on looking from your hand to his, wondering if he was going to grabs yours, or if you should just grab his. Would that be too forward? Was that weird of friends to do?

On arriving at the secluded alleyway where Jaebum’s private studio could be found, his hands dug in his pockets to find his keys, to which he used to unlock the gate. Allowing you to enter first politely, he then proceeded to close the gate behind the two of you. The both of walked down a shady flight of stairs to meet an orange door on the side of the building. Jaebum used the same set of keys to open this door as well.

Stepping inside the studio, you were reminded of just how long it had been since you had visited. You had only been to JB’s private studio a few times before, but for some reason, it was even nicer to you now.

“Did you change something about the place?” you asked him, having a look around.

“No, why?” he asked in response. You ran your fingers across his keyboard. “It just feels…” you turned around to face him. “More professional.” you smirked to him.

Jaebum looked you up and down.

“No, It didn’t change much. Maybe it’s because you just haven’t been around lately.” he responded nonchalantly, sitting in his desk chair beside you. You narrowed your eyes at the seemingly shady comment, as he spun the chair around in a circle once or twice before turning to you, and giving you an innocent look.

“...What?” he questioned staring at you like he didn’t know why you were glaring at him.

You crossed your arms and walked over to his couch on the other side of the room. “I said I’m sorry, you don’t have to hold it against me ya know, making me feel guilty and shit.” you groaned, taking a seat.

He studied you for a few seconds, before looking down at his phone.

“I’m just stating the facts. If you feel guilty about not visiting your best friend of 3 years for weeks, then that's on you, not me.” he declared before swiveling to face the computer.

You knew he could feel your glare on the back of his neck because he looked over his shoulder at you.

“Yah! Best friends don’t give each other backhanded comments!” you exclaimed annoyed.

“Best Friends don’t ignore each other for 3 weeks.” he responded without even looking at you.

You rolled your eyes and flopped down on the couch, stretching your arms.

“I didn’t know you were one to hold grudges, Jaebummie.” you whined, turning to face the back of the couch, snuggled into it after feeling a sudden wave of tiredness come over you.

“I’ll get over it. Anyways, do you wanna hear the song now or order food?” he asked you.

When he got no response he repeated his question. “Y/N?” he questioned, turning around to find you asleep. He scoffed to himself. Did he bring you all the way here just for you to fall asleep? Jaebum rolled his eyes and got up. He was about to wake you up and nag at you some more, but when remembering just how tired you were at the bus stop, he refrained himself.

Not to mention you looked so peaceful sleeping, he didn’t want to disturb you. With a sigh, he walked into another room, and returned with a blanket he usually slept with when having an all-nighter. He placed it over you gently, smiling at how quick you fell asleep. He couldn’t help but stand and stare at you for a few seconds before he turned around and opened the window beside his desk. This way the room would be less stuffy. He then proceeded to sit in his swivel chair and work on his computer.

When you woke up from your nap, you stretch and yawned, forgetting where you were to begin with. Your eyes shot open when you realized a few things.

1.) That was the first time in weeks you had slept on a whim, and 2.) you were at Jaebum’s.

You rolled over in search of Jaebum, but instead you found a seemingly empty studio. Jaebum was not at his desk like he was before you took your nap.

You yawned tiredly, scanning the room over. Slowly, your eyes landed on a few photos tapped onto the wall beside his keyboard. You stood up curiously and wandered over to it.

There were several different photos. A lot were of the rain.

You wondered why he had so many random pictures of the rain posted on his wall. Your eyes were then drawn to a photo of what seemed to be Yugyeom and Youngjae on a plane. You smiled to yourself. it made you happy that JB had great friends like Yugyeom and Youngjae, as well as the rest of GOT7, who loved and supported him.

You fingertips touched the polaroid, feeling slightly guilty for not being around recently. It was a privilege to be apart of Im Jaebum’s life, and lately you took that for granted.

“You’re awake.” Jaebum’s voice wrang beside you, causing you to jump.

As you retreated your hand from the photo, tense, Jaebum couldn’t help but laugh at your reaction.

In his hands, he held a box of chicken you assumed, as well as 2 bottles of beer. “I ordered chicken and beer for us.” he announced. You felt your mouth water at the mention of it.

“How long was I asleep?” you asked, changing the subject.

“An hour or so.” he responded after setting the box down elsewhere. He made his way over to you and the pictures.

You felt tense in his presence and guilty, almost like you were caught in the act of doing something bad...but you were only looking at pictures. Jaebum had this strange effect of making you second guess your every move.

As Jaebum stood directly next to you, his broad shoulders only a few inches from yours, he stared at the pictures on the wall with you.

“I took that picture of Yugyeom and Youngjae when we were going to Japan.” he explained. You smiled at it, then looking to Jaebum.

“I’m glad you have friends like Yugyeom and Youngjae. They’re definitely better best friends than me... that's for sure.” you laughed to yourself, but it came out more depressing then you intended. Jaebum looked at you out of the corner of his eyes, indifferently. You looked back at the photos.

“Ahem… so… what're all the pictures of the rain for?” you asked him, trying to lighten the mood.

“...Well pictures give me inspiration for my songs, the rain ones influenced the song I've most recently been working on.” he explained to you. You raised your eyebrows staring at them all. It was interesting his method of creating music… but why such a depressing thing as rain?

“But… why rain? It’s so… sad.” you questioned, looking to him. There was something in the way Jaebum’s eyes flickered when he turned to you that caused you to shiver.

“It’s best just to show you.” he stated simply. You raised your eyebrow at him as he walked past you to the keyboard.

He then looked to you over his shoulder, and patted the empty space on the bench, as if to inviting you to sit down.

Hesitantly, you sat in the spot he directed you to, as he stood over you. He leaned down, his hands grabbing a hold of yours.

Your body tensed again, as this was totally unexpected.

“Girl, just let me hold your hand.” Jaebum whispered to you.

His breath on your neck caused you to shiver, because of its warmth contrasting with the rain’s cold. It was good he was behind you so he wouldn’t have been able to see your blush.

With his hands perfectly aligned with yours, he started to play on the keyboard, pushing down your fingers with his to play a few notes. He LITERALLY could play you like an instrument. But it was when we started singing that every hair on your body stood up.

‘Since I’ve been distant from you, for me it’s been rainy all the time

Even if I have an umbrella to avoid it, It’s just a work in vain

Can’t erase you, over you

I know that this isn’t it but

Even today by myself I’m constantly

I love you I love you, alone

No one, not even my friends can understand me

This world is getting stained by rain

I don’t know why I can’t let you go baby,

I don’t know why I can’t forget you

Your way of talking each and every way of your expression

That’s left for me

I can’t throw them away easily

It’s raining again

You (always)

Make me depressed

Think of you (always)

It’s the same anyways

Even if I think it will be okay

The whole world is bruised all around

The whole day Is gloomy

The future that I see is no

Over you

I shouldn't be doing this

But my heart, repeat it over again

I love you I love you, alone’

His voice became soft towards the end of the song. He sang it so well your eyes began to slightly water. You were at a loss for words.

You didn’t even have to say anything, it was obvious what you were thinking when you looked at Jaebum, who was still hovering over you, his hands still overlaying yours.

His face turned red as a result of just performing in front of you.

“That song is perfect.” you finally stated. He cleared his throat. “Thankyou.” he smiled.

“Seriously, everything about it was perfect... the words, the chords, EVERYTHING Jaebum! Everything about it made me want to listen to it on repeat! It’s the first sad song I actually liked!” you exclaim excitedly.

“Thank you Y/N.” he repeated.

You were truly in love with the song and you wanted to get that through his head.

“Everything was thought of so well!!! The fact that the chords are sorta happy & jazzy, but they’re supporting the monotone lyrics!!!” you shouted. “I-It kinda reminded me of today.” you began.

“A rainy spring day. It’s supposed to be a happy season, yet you’re not happy, you’re lonely… like a rainy day.” you nodded your head to yourself. “Your theme was perfect! I understand the pictures now.” you understood.

Turning your head back to him you had thought of something.

“The lyrics talked about a one-sided love in the middle of spring...” you observed while studying Jaebum. “...I’m guessing this is about you?” you asked quietly.

His eyes darted elsewhere as he stood up. You ignored the feeling of deprivation at the bottom of your heart because you were just too eager to hear his answer.

Jaebum nodded his head.

You sighed, looking back down to the keyboard. “We haven’t talked for 3 weeks and you’ve already been in a relationship AND got your heart broken?” you scoffed.

You really missed a lot these past 3 weeks.

“Jaebum, I’m so sorry I haven’t been there for you latl-” Jaebum’s loud snicker interrupted you of your serious apology.

You snapped your head in his direction to find him laughing his ass off.

“What is so funny!? I’m being serious Jaebum, I’m sorry!” you apologized. Jaebum still couldn't stop laughing though for whatever reason. In fact, he had his face in his hands, shaking his head.

“What!?” you shouted at him, wanting to know what was oh-so funny.

After he was somewhat finished with his laughing fit, he looked to you without saying anything.

You blew a piece of hair out of your face in annoyance. “Who is this bitch you’re talking about anyways? You can’t fight her, but I will.” you affirmed, proceeding to crack your knuckles. You looked to Jaebum waiting for an answer, but all you could find was a smirk plastered on his face.

“Who is it!!?? I need a name!” You exclaimed, waving your arms. Jaebum’s smile then faded, as he looked to the pictures on the wall again.

“No one.” he muttered to you. You rolled your eyes at his response.

“That's BS JB and you know it! Didn’t you say we’re best friends!??” you pleaded with him. Your pleads caused him to look at you out of the corner of his eyes, but with still no response. You stood up from the bench and touched his arm cautiously.

“Best Friends don’t keep secrets from each other! You can tell me anything! Tell me!” you whined, trying to console with him, but he wouldn't budge.

You looked to the ground guiltily. It was obvious he wasn’t going to tell you considering you hadn’t talked to him in 3 weeks. Why would he tell someone who doesn't seem to want to be in his life anyways, something so personal as heartbreak? You sighed understanding his silence now.

“I understand now Jaebum, I’m really sorry I haven’t been around-” “It’s about you.” he interrupted.

Your eyes darted up to meet his.

“What?” you asked in shock. His eyes narrowed down at you, in a half-lidded type way. Slowly he pressed you against the side of the keyboard in one swift motion.

“You heard me Y/N. The song is about YOU.” he repeated again. Your throat became dry at his sudden austere manner. It was hard to make eye contact with him when he was looking at you like that.

“Why...why the hell would you write a sad love song about me!?!” you exclaimed defensively.

He still remained silently looking at you.

“JAEBUM!” you shouted at him. Your yelling didn’t seem to phase him in the slightest.

“ANSWER ME! I deserve answers at least!” You yelled. “YOU’RE the one who deserves an answer?” he scoffed. You ran your tongue over your teeth.

“YOU’RE THE ONE WHO DIDN’T TALK TO ME FOR 3 WEEKS! NO CALLS, NO TEXTS, NOTHING! What up with that!!??” he fumed, pressing you furthermore against the keyboard. One of your hands pushed down a few keys behind you, making a loud chime of notes. Thank god he bought soundproofing pads for the walls, or else someone would have definitely heard the two of you.

A shame the chicken was probably cold by now.

You pointed your finger into his chest. “I DIDN’T TALK TO EVERYONE FOR THREE WEEKS!” you beckoned. He furrowed his eyebrows together looking offended. “AM I JUST EVERYONE TO YOU?” he questioned loudly.

It was almost as if your head couldn’t keep up with his questions.

“Yes… I mean-no!” “THEN WHAT AM I TO YOU!!?!?” he barked.

“MY SERENITY!”

The two of you stared at each other for a moment, trying to catch your breaths after the screaming match between the two of you. But that didn’t last for long considering you and Jaebum went at it the next second… with your mouths that is.

At that moment, the two of you simultaneously went for each other's lips. You both had surprised yourself considering the two of you had thought of the same thing, but it didn’t take long for you and Jaebum to get adjusted. Jaebum gripped your waist roughly, pushing you somewhat on top of the keyboard, to which several keys chimed loudly. Your hands went from his neck to his hair, being indecisive. You proceeded to wrap your legs around his waist.

Being with Jaebum today made you a realize a few things about your life that you hadn’t noticed before, aside from the fact that Jaebum was a great kisser...you realized that you hadn’t avoided Jaebum due to your stress, but rather because seeing Jaebum during this time of year reminded you of how you felt him ever since last spring, and how you’ve been feeling towards him since.

You don’t just get over a crush from dating someone else, feelings don’t just go away after you’ve tried suppressed them, or ignore them. They’ll always be there until you address it. You knew once you hung out with him, the truth about your feelings would come out. You thought ignoring him would be the only way to prevent it, but it turns out not only were you hurt in the process, but so was Jaebum.

Your hand pushed on Jaebum’s chest to pause the makeout session for a second. Ignoring the look of desperation on his face, you proceeded to ask a question that had been on your mind ever since.

“...So what am I to you?” you asked him. He leaned in close to you once again, forming just enough space between the two of your lips.

“You can be my finest, you can be my all.” he answered, proceeding to peck you on your lips. It did not take long for the two of you to get back to where you had left off.

Who knew addressing one’s feelings could be so rewarding?

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