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almostempty · 5 months ago

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Something in your mouth

(joel miller x f!reader)

The third installment of Never made it as a wise man aka creed!joel

WC: 8.4k | Part 1 | Part 2 | Other fics | Rating: 18+

Summary: post hand job and phone sex; it’s the leadup and part 1 of these horny bishes goin’ on a date

Note: heyyyyy it’s me and i’m back on my bs . i know i promised the fuckening, but that was summer me and now it’s winter me.. so instead of hiding and never updating, i remembered i have free will so u get the full week lead-up and the first half of the date.. and then i’ll brb with the fuckfest okay? i promise. (also it’s actually almost done this time so it won’t take months). again, i am still merely a vessel for the spirit of buttrock joel. hopefully this part 3 is girthy enough to sate your appetite a lil bit

Tags: au no outbreak modern joel, divorced dad rock dilf joel x f!reader, picks up right where pt 2 ended, alternating pov, dirty talk, horny yearning, blowjob in the truck, still crackish, but i am still dead serious about it being hot so idc, mistakes are all mine

Thanks to Nickelback for having non stop horny bangerz to quote such as Something in your mouth

major thanks to @hoelaris for this moodboard that made me weep tears of joy bc is it so perfect

thanks to @magneticecstasy for date joel thots to be ft in this pt and the next, @auteurdelabre for telling me to let them have their happy ending so i can get back to the paris boys faster, to @syd-djarin for support, horny thots, song suggestions etc, and @itwasntimethatdidit40 for the nickelback pedro tiktok edit inspo

it really takes a village or whatever they say <3

*if u forgot what this is bc i took so long give Part 1 and Part 2 a read for a refresh <3

*if i missed ur tag or u want off this ride lemme know

okay, it's starting now:

You wake up in Joel’s shirt. It smells more like you than him already, but it still makes you grin devilishly just the same. You go about your day, a few errands and some chores, the whole time with a little more energy than usual.

When you’re back home and settled in to have a lazy afternoon, you get a little restless. Itchy fingers. It’s hard not to pick up your phone and check your messages again and again. You’re drawn to looking at the picture he sent, the pictures you took, and you can’t help wondering…

Did he wake up thinking of you? Hard, aching, and leaking at the memory of your voice.

Did he dream of all the nasty things he said he wanted to do to you? Waking up throbbing and frustrated, grinding his cock into the mattress as if you were beneath him.

Did he wake up and check his phone to confirm you were real? Making it all the way to the shower before surrendering, wishing it was your soft cunt he was fucking instead of his fist.

You know you’re fucked when just thinking about him thinking about you has you so turned on. It’s so tempting to send him something else. Another picture? An audio message? A thinking of you 😘 text?

No. No, no, no.

You can wait him out. Make him work for it a little. He’s a full-grown man. You’ve already given him enough to work with. Plus, you wanna know what he’s gonna come up with next. Right?

The lazy Sunday ends all too soon and before you know it you’re back to work. Dragging ass into the office with the biggest iced coffee you could buy. You deserve a treat to get through your Monday anyway.

A little warning bell chimes in the back of your mind as you drop your things on your desk. Ellie grumbles a good morning that matches your enthusiasm for fluorescent lights at 8 am. A little seed of guilt sprouts within you.

Is it fucked up of you to mess around with Joel? It’s not like it’s something serious. Or, does that make it even worse? There’s no way he would say anything to her about it.

“Heard you saw Joel again,” she says before you’ve even sat down. Great.

“Uh, yeah,” you reply, “Still didn’t feel right that he wouldn’t accept anything for helping with my car.” You sink into your chair, hesitating to say more. It’s too early to have a good poker face.

“So you made him a lasagna?” She questions, staring you down.

“Men love my meat sauce,” you say with a shrug.

“Gross,” Ellie grimaces at that, “please, don’t ever say that again.”

You buy her off with the rest of the cookies you had baked. She’s happy to take the entire container from you and happier to enjoy them all immediately. If she’s suspicious she’s either good at hiding it or you really don’t know how to read her.

You carry on with your morning catching up on mindless tasks, swirling your coffee around as the ice starts to melt, and trying to stay focused. Ellie turns on her music and you can’t help thinking of Joel again. It’s like he’s infected your mind and every shitty 2000s post-grunge alt-rock song conjures him up.

You can’t help wondering what exactly he would’ve told Ellie about your surprise visit. Would he have asked about you? Implied anything? You can’t stop yourself from asking.

“What did he say?”

Ellie’s head swivels towards you immediately.

“Who?”

Instantly you know you messed up. You didn’t realize how much time had passed. You shouldn’t still be thinking of him. She prods you about what you said and what you meant. Not accepting a nothing or a never mind. An uncomfortable wave of embarrassment twists in your stomach, heat blooms in your cheeks, and your hands are fidgety.

You shouldn’t have brought it up, you shouldn't be so defensive. Shouldn’t, shouldn’t, shouldn’t.

Ellie is sharp–cutthroat–reading your every move. You stare at the empty Tupperware on her desk, hoping it will reveal some sort of escape plan. A strategy to deflect. It’s too late. Her eyes narrow just the slightest bit and she follows your gaze. It clicks.

“Oh, you meant Joel?”

You’re so busted. “I..uh,” you don’t know how to finish that thought.

“Why?” She gives you such a blank-faced look that it’s unsettling. You’re an adult. Why does this feel like you got caught sneaking out to see a boy on a school night?

You try to brush it off, but it sounds more defensive, making it worse. You focus on cracking your knuckles and trying to feign a more casual air. For some reason that means you keep talking. Broken sentences pouring out of you and trailing off into a stiff laugh.

Mercifully, Ellie cuts you off. Tells you it was Tommy who mentioned it.

So, he was the one who showed up while you had your legs spread open on Joel’s kitchen counter. The catalyst to your shirt heist and hasty getaway. That makes your face hot for a different reason.

“Oh. Gross.” Ellie groans.

“What?”

“You’ve got that look on your face.”

You snort at that. Only slightly horrified that she’s so adept at picking up the tells on your face. “What look?”

You suck down the last of your iced coffee, stalling, until you’re just sucking in air. You toss it in the tiny trash bin between the two of you and decide to be honest no matter what she says. You’d rather get ahead of it.

“Was it a sex lasagna?” Her mouth is pulled into a look of disgust.

You snort at that before shaking your head, preparing to get it all out.

“Okay, look. It was a thank-you lasagna.” You pause, trying to figure out exactly how much to share. “I didn’t plan the rest of it. It just…happened. And, fuck, it was so hot.”

Her face wrinkles with confusion, then disgust, then laughter. It makes your heart rate speed up.

“I’m sorry,” your words come out like a waterfall. “I don’t want to make things weird. I want us to be friends. I wasn’t thinking. I’m sure it wasn’t serious. I’ll tell you whatever you want. It was my fault. I showed up without letting him know. I made the first move—”

“You fold quick,” Ellie notes, interrupting you. She throws her hands up and you shut your mouth, “Look, you’re both adults, I don’t care what you do. Just, please, don’t tell me any of the sex details.”

“Do you really not care? Or like, you say I don’t care and then treat me like Cheryl in the front office?” you ask.

“No. I genuinely don’t give a shit. Well, I mean, if you break his heart I’ll have to kill you.”

“Naturally,” you agree with a solemn nod.

“But,” she pauses to take a breath, tilting her head before continuing, “it would probably be good for him, don’t think he’s had a real date in a while. But don’t come back to me broken-hearted if he’s a dick—that’s just his face.”

“A date?” you echo.

She groans and rolls her eyes at you, but it’s too late.

Your mind starts to wander. With Ellie’s blessing, you don’t have a reason not to give it a shot.

The harps are already strumming as you float off into your cloud of dissociation. Your favorite daydream flickers into focus as your eyes glaze over and a dazed grin curls on your face. It’s always that same slo-mo Baywatch-style memory. That one where you caught Joel wiping the sweat off his forehead with the bottom of his t-shirt. The original temptation that led you back to him.

Somehow, every time it replays, there’s a new easter egg just for you. The ghost of a knowing smirk or a sparkly-eyed wink when he catches your eye, like a wicked little tease to pull you deeper into the dream world.

Sometimes it’s all too visceral. In the privacy of your mind, you’re free to direct the scene how you’d like. Slowly panning over the peek of soft skin and the trail of hair you can see. You can still feel the warmth on your fingertips from when you slipped your hand beneath the waistband of those navy blue boxers.

Sometimes, you create something new. You’d like to take one of his sun-faded plastic green lawn chairs, drag it to the front porch, and sit yourself down for a show. You wanna watch him mow the grass in the evening heat.

You can see the sweat beads dotted along his neck and the contour of his marble-sculpted arms as he serpentines along your fantasy world front lawn.

You can smell the fresh-cut grass and the specific blend of sweaty man pheromones that Aphrodite concocted just for you.

Your chest swells, lungs expanding, as you breathe slowly and deeply. The illusory scents fill your lungs until you release a deep, yearnful sigh. The imaginary lawn mower almost drowns out the imaginary Fred Durst bellering, It’s just one of those days, from that little stereo on the workbench.

Before you can transition into another scenario—something bounces off your face, and you flinch with a loud yelp.

“That was your warning,” Ellie glares at you. “Next time I’m throwing something sharp.”

“Okay, okay, message received.” You offer a sheepish smile, and she turns around. It seems the Limp Bizkit song was very much not a figment of your imagination. Ellie mutters along to the lyrics behind you, barely audible, as you spin in your chair to get back to work.

It’s not even five minutes later when you swivel in your chair again with another question for Ellie.

There’s nothing like having a crush on a man you barely know to truly make you delusional. You know you’ve got it bad, but it’s unfortunately just so much fun to daydream and let your mind run wild with the very limited info you know about the man.

You don’t want to worry about anything that could go wrong.

Except for, well, everything.

You still fret over texting him first or waiting. Should you send another picture with no context? Should you call? Should you wait another day?

When you notice your chest feeling tight you give yourself a reality check. It’s Monday morning. You’re at work. He’s probably at work. You can figure it out later. A future you problem.

Joel’s text comes through late in the evening.

Joel: You wearing my shirt to bed again?

You’re grinning immediately. At hearing from him first and because he fucking clocked you. You snap a quick photo. Despite being on the spot, it’s thoughtfully crafted. Just enough to show the logo and only your mouth, not your face, no extra skin, no sexy tease. Just a confirmation. You send it off, and his reply buzzes seconds later.

Joel: More

You try to bite back the grin still stuck on your face as your fingers dance across the screen. You want to tell him off for being so blunt, but for some reason, it feels like such a compliment. You’ve definitely got it bad if a thirsty one-word text feels like high praise.

You aren’t going to give in this time. You’ve still got Ellie’s words echoing in your mind. A date. You type back one line.

You: Gonna have to earn it if you want more

Your phone rings shortly after your message is delivered. Joel’s name flashes on the screen and your stomach flips. You thought maybe he’d send another dick pic, but now he’s calling you? It does check out that he wouldn’t be the texting type, to be fair.

“Hey,” you answer, voice soft, a little tentative.

“You’re gonna make me work for it, huh?” His drawl is low, rough around the edges and so stupidly sexy it makes your nipples hard. You can just tell he’s already on edge. Delight floods your veins at the idea of him thinking of you all day.

“You could use a lesson in patience,” your voice is remarkably steady, despite the way your body is lit up. You chew at your lower lip. “Thought I told you that last time we were on the phone,” you chide.

A deep chuckle rumbles through the phone. “Patience,” he repeats. There’s a pause that has you holding your breath. “I don’t think you’re playin’ fair, baby. Knowing you’re in bed with my shirt on, teasin’ me with another picture.” His voice takes on a husky, knowing tone. “Don’t think it’s patience you’re lookin’ for. Bet I know what you really want.”

Your breath catches, loud enough he wouldn’t miss it even with his busted phone. You weren’t prepared to be so affected by just the timbre of his voice. It’s fucked up the way he’s got you breathless for no damn good reason.

You can picture him in his bed. The trademark navy blue sheets. Is he fresh out of the shower? Damp hair and the overpowering scent of whatever 10 in 1 man soap was on sale at the grocery store—

“Okay. Enlighten me then. What do I want?” you finally reply.

“You want to hear it,” he continues, smooth and smug, radiating a cocky smirk right through the phone that makes your skin tingle. “You want to hear how you’ve got me hard, sittin’ here thinkin’ about you,” Joel growls, his voice thick with heat. “Thinkin’ about you wearing just my shirt.”

You bite down on your lip to stay quiet. Maybe he’s not in bed at all. Maybe he’s still out in his shop, locked in the office, a couple beers down before he dared to text you. His hair a mess from running his fingers through it, in those faded jeans that cling to him perfectly.

Either way, it seems almost cruel to stop him with a mouth like that.

“Thinking about what I’d do if you were here,” he carries on. “You look good in my shirt.” His voice drops even lower. “You’d let me push it up though, wouldn’t you? Just enough so I can see how wet you are for me.”

You can’t help pressing your thighs together at that thought. If he hears how turned on you are already, you’re definitely going to end up acting out his fantasy over the phone.

“Fuck.” he mutters, his voice breaking. “You’d let me take my time. Get my hands on those perfect tits again. Soak my fingers with that sweet pussy. Have you so worked up you’d be begging for my cock.”

He says it like it’s a fact, as if he could come over right now and you’d drag him straight to your bed—or no, like you’d be on him before he could shut the front door.

It’s so filthy, so confident. You’re so tempted to keep him going, but you pull yourself together. Biting back the whimper stuck in your throat.

“Well, damn, Joel,” you swallow down the urge to ask for more details. “Guess you’ve got me all figured out then,” you tease with a heavy dash of sarcasm in your tone.

“Not all of you,” he replies, with a suggestive edge. “Not yet.”

You let out a breath you were holding. “Look, you can’t just get your dick out on the phone, tell me how you wanna touch me, and get your way,” you manage, steady and a little sharp. “Not this time.”

“Not this time?” he echoes, half-laughing, clearly amused. “Alright. Sure. What do you want then?”

There’s a flicker of nervousness that tightens in your chest. You don’t want him to think you’re rejecting him, don’t want to risk losing the momentum of whatever this is. “I’m saying…I do want you. But, if you want more you’re going to have to do more. Show me you mean it. Like…a date.”

He doesn’t answer immediately, and your heart skips as you imagine his reaction. He’s quiet, but you can hear his breathing—measured, like he’s weighing something.

“Shit. You’re serious?” he asks, and there’s a softness now, laced with just enough curiosity to make you think he’s intrigued.

“Dead serious,” you say, adding, “But if you’re not interested in me like that—”

“Oh, I’m interested.” The words come quick, a little sharper than you expect, and they make you beam. “Fine. A date,” he says, like he’s letting the word settle on his tongue. “Friday?”

“Friday.” You confirm and stretch your neck. Your muscles are tense. Shoulders tight. All from his filthy words getting you worked up in half a second and the anxiety of your demand. “Come up with something good,” you tease, your voice slipping into something sultrier, “and maybe we’ll both get what we want.”

There’s a low growl on the other end of the line, tinged with frustration and desire. It makes your pulse throb in your clit. You almost wish you had let him talk you through it before suggesting the date. Hear how worked up he’s been over you.

“Jesus,” he grumbles.

Oh, you would’ve turned into a mess and completely forgotten to bring it up. Now you’ve essentially cock blocked yourself until the end of the week. Ugh.

“You’re gonna drive me mad.” He says. But there’s no animosity in it. Instead, there’s something new in his voice that gives you butterflies.

“Yep.”

You’re the one who hangs up first before you can hear anything else that might tempt you to stray from your plan.

……..

It’s late morning when your phone buzzes on your desk the next day, interrupting your excellent cosplay of a ‘productive employee’. You glance at the screen and your heart trips when you see Joel’s name.

You answer, trying to sound casual despite the fluttery feeling in your chest. “Calling me during business hours, Mr. Miller? You’re going to get me in trouble.”

Joel snorts softly. “Think we both know you’re the one that likes causin’ trouble.”

“I don’t know what you’re referring to.”

His voice drops lower, quieter. “You need a reminder? Cause I’ve been replaying exactly how much trouble you caused in my kitchen…”

“Don’t.” You nearly hiss into the phone, trying to cut him off before he starts with any graphic retellings. You spin in your chair, grateful when you confirm Ellie has headphones on for once.

“Right.” His voice is back to a slightly less devastatingly erotic tone. “Wouldn’t want to get carried away while you’re at work.

“Well,” he drawls, the grin evident in his voice now. “You said you wanted a date, so I was thinking.”

You hum, leaning into the teasing tone. “If it’s a chain restaurant I’m canceling right now.”

“Do I seem like the kind of guy who’d take you to Applebee’s?”

“Do you want me to answer that honestly?” you quip, laughing at the soft groan he makes in response. “No Applebee’s, no Chili’s, and if you’re thinking about taking me to whatever the fanciest Italian place is in this town, don’t. I’m not going on a first date where you used to take your ex-wife for anniversary dinners.”

There’s a beat of silence, then a grumbled, “It was Valentine’s, actually.”

You cackle, delighted at your guess. He huffs. “You’re impossible.”

“You’re predictable,” you shoot back, grinning as you cross your legs under your desk. “Or maybe it’s just ‘cause nobody has been challenging you.”

“S’that what you are?” he asks, “A challenge?”

You shift in your chair, the grin on your face is going to make your cheeks burn if he keeps this up. You soften the teasing as you admit. “Maybe a little.”

“Mm,” he grunts, clearly not convinced.

“If you’re up for it,” you add. Nerves flutter in your stomach now. Maybe he doesn’t want a challenge at all. It’s not like you’ve been hard to get. The silence stretches just long enough to make you wonder if you’ve pushed too far.

His exasperated sigh crackles through the phone, but it’s laced with something warmer. “Yeah.” But then he exhales, soft and almost self-conscious. “Ain’t a bad thing.”

The words are simple, but they settle somewhere deep, curling warm in your chest. For a moment, the flirty defense falls, and you catch the subtle weight in his voice.

“You’re full of surprises, Joel,” you say finally, your tone gentle.

“Guess you’ll find out,” he murmurs, the words quiet like he’s not sure he’s meant to say them.

Your stomach flutters at the unexpected softness. You knew there was more to him than his bold mouth when his dick is hard or the stoic lone wolf look he wears in his garage. You weren’t expecting him to be…whatever this is now.

The line goes quiet again, his breathing soft on the other end. “Friday at seven,” he says after a moment, his voice steady but quieter than before. “There’s a brewery that Tommy suggested. I’ll pick you up.”

“That sounds nice,” you reply, smiling into the phone.

“Alright,” he mutters. There’s a brief pause, like he’s hesitating, before he says, “See you then.”

He hangs up before you can say anything else, and for a moment, you’re left staring at your phone like an idiot. A grin stuck on your face. Possibly permanently.

It’s not just the idea of the date. It’s the thought of Joel making a plan, asking for recommendations, and thinking of what you might like. You figured it’d be fun to give him a hard time and all, but you didn’t have real expectations.

The week stretches on and you’re not sure if it’s moving too fast or too slow. Having a crush is wicked enough, but having a date planned makes you feel slightly insane. It’s like you’re in a cartoon where the world is suddenly brighter and the birds sing just for you.

You find yourself constantly daydreaming at work. Every Creed song Ellie plays somehow sends you into a fugue state. Snippets of Joel’s voice replay in your head.

There’s something about the way he said, “Ain’t a bad thing,” that keeps sneaking up on you when you least expect it. It wasn’t even what he said—it was how he said it. Quiet, like he wasn’t used to admitting something like that out loud. It makes you smile like a fool every time you think about it.

The worst is the evenings. At home in your room. Nothing to distract you. Alone with his t-shirt. Re-reading your brief texts. Lingering wistfully over the dick pic he sent like it’s a letter from your long-distance lover. You’ve got to get it together.

And Joel? He’s just as distracted, though he’d never admit it. At least not to anyone but you.

At work, his usual rhythm is thrown completely out of whack. He catches himself staring at the same invoice three times before finally filing it away. Tommy catches him with his Breaking Benjamin t-shirt inside out.

You’re in his head and it’s driving him nuts. He tried to minimize it. Deciding it was just the impulsive way you crashed into his world. You spread like a wildfire in his mind. The kindness in you to deliver a homemade meal. The audaciousness you have to go after what you want.

He goes weak for a confident woman and you’re so sharp and quick with him. It’s a rush, but not just because of the sexual chemistry. Not just because you’re a novelty or a break in his routine.

It’s you. It’s the way you’ve got the passion and sharpness with your words, but you’re still soft on the edges. He thinks about the way your voice had dipped when you said, “If you’re up for it,” like you weren’t just teasing but testing something, seeing if he’d push you away.

He’s not used to this. Not the nerves, not the anticipation, and definitely not the way he’s spending too much time wondering what to wear on Friday. Not that he’d ever admit it, but he even dug through the back of his closet, holding up a button-down shirt Ellie had bought him last Christmas like it might bite him. He ends up tossing it back in favor of flannel—it’s still a step up from a faded band t-shirt.

By Thursday you’re nearly useless. You drive Ellie crazy all morning, spacing out and jumping when she asks you a question. To be respectful, you haven’t mentioned the date and she hasn’t asked. Would Joel have told her? Does she know you’re losing your mind over a man who probably has holes in his sweatpants? Are you equally as pathetic?

You’re still stuck on that thought when she kicks your chair, startling you back to reality. “Come on,” she demands. “We’re outta here and you’re coming to the Main Street with me. I’ll buy.”

Turns out you’re a cheap date. The dive bar has strong cocktails and a very limited menu of fried foods to choose from. You sit outside at a picnic table enjoying the warmth of the early summer evening.

Ellie is easy to get along with. Talking animatedly about her friends. Sharing the hot goss about Cheryl and her divorce. Trying to recruit you to join the company rec league kickball team. It’s all a welcome distraction even though you still have Joel on the brain.

You do your best not to bring him up but when she mentions him you know you perk up like a heart-eyed fool. Begrudgingly, but with sincerity, Ellie asks if the date is what’s got you so distracted.

“How did you know?”

“You’re both worse than teenagers.” She rolls her eyes. “Thought bringing you here might take your mind off it.”

You snap to attention at her choice of words. “Both?”

“Don’t.”

She’s a good friend. You did need the distraction. You’re still smiling about that thought as you check yourself out in the mirror in the bathroom at the bar. There’s a poster taped to the paper towel dispenser for the cover band that plays Saturday nights that catches your eye before you slip your phone out of your pocket.

You’d blame it on the drinks but the truth is only had one. You hover over the messages. Wondering if he’s really as nervous as you. Fuck it, you decide before sending what you’ve been wondering.

You: You been thinking about me?

His message comes through so fast it’s more revealing than the words he typed.

Joel: Maybe

Fuck, why does one word have you feeling giddy already?

Joel: Have you?

He asks shortly after. You wonder if he’s second guessing himself. Is Joel nervous?

You: A little

You figure you’ll give him the same treatment.

Joel: Haven’t been able to stop, if I’m honest baby

Heat floods your face as you stare at the screen, and his next message comes before you can respond.

Joel: Friday’s been feeling real far away

That has you shaking your head.

You: Patience is a virtue

He’s quick to respond again.

Joel: Never claimed to be a saintly man

That makes you genuinely laugh.

You: Good

……

By the time Friday night rolls around, you’ve fully spiraled into a mess of anxiety and excitement. You’re not really the type to overthink a date, but there’s something about the whole scenario that feels different. It’s not just because Joel’s hot—hotter than he has any right to be—but he’s trying. For you. It’s disarming in a way you weren’t expecting.

You know that the worst-case scenario for the night isn’t bad. You know how to have a good time wherever you are and you are confident that he’s a horny bastard that will put out even if you actively try to sabotage the date. It’s that flickering sensation in your chest that hopes for more. That’s what makes you nervous.

You’re startled when Joel knocks at your front door. You check your reflection one last time before heading to the door. You figure it’s casual enough for a first date at a brewery.

Despite everything inside of you that screamed to put your tits on display again—you couldn’t resist wearing the Creed shirt. You tied it up in the front so it accentuates your figure and paired it with a faux leather skirt with a matching black lace set underneath.

It’s gotta be enough to play at the alt-rock vibe he’s still living in. You look good. Really good.

But when you open the door he isn’t the only one who’s world gets rocked. Joel stands in front of you like he was plucked from your fantasy. Freshly showered, his damp curls just starting to dry in soft waves. A plaid button-down shirt, with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, showing off those strong, tan forearms. His dark jeans are markedly not as worn down as the last pair you saw him in, yet the effect on you is just as dastardly.

It’s unfair, really, how good he looks. You’re left blinking as your mouth goes a little dry while you drink him in. Who’s idea was it to have a date? In public? Fuck. He shifts, a sly smile growing on his face as he rests his hip against the door jam.

“Hi,” you mumble, still ogling him.

“You look… real nice,” he says, voice so low and velvety it should be registered as a weapon.

You know you had a smart-ass remark about the shirt on the tip of your tongue, but it’s gone. Gone… along with your morals. All you’ve got left is the intense, primal desire to do something inappropriate with his arms? Yes! Yes! Yes! The horny gremlins like your idea despite having no logistics or master plan.

They seem to have no coherent plan of attack at all, to be honest. Bite! Lick! Suck! All you know is that you need him in your mouth until your jaw is sore.

Joel huffs softly. Amused that you seem speechless. “Didn’t think flannel was all that special baby, you alright?”

“It’s not the flannel,” you mutter under your breath, but you don't let him hear the rest of that thought: Arms! Arms! Arms!

You grab your bag and follow him out to the truck, stealing glances at him as he walks ahead of you. You can’t help it. He’s so…solid. Sturdy. Sure of himself. Even when he’s out of his comfort zone. It’s doing something sinful to you.

The inside of the truck smells faintly like a Black Ice air freshener, a Home Depot on a Sunday morning, and Armor All. The distinctly Joel aesthetic lives up to your imagination. It’s lived in. Comfortable.

There’s the catchall cupholder of change, receipts, and literal nuts and bolts. The caseless CDs in the storage divider strapped to the sun visor—you recognize a couple like Seether and Three Days Grace.

Before you can take in every detail though, you’re distracted by just the sight of him driving. It’s absurd, but why does he look this good just driving? Most people can manage to operate a vehicle, but most people don’t look as fuckable as Joel does, one hand on the wheel, the other resting on his thigh. Hand! Thigh! Neck! Fingers!

You’re reduced to only being able to name anatomical features when you’re this close to him, apparently. Like an alien learning about a man for the first time. An extraterrestrial explorer propelled by the most curious desire to taste and touch every part of Joel—for research.

You’re so caught up that it takes a while to register the song that’s playing. Of course, it’s more Nickelback.

You're so much cooler

When you never pull it out

Cause you look so much cuter

With something in your mouth

It breaks the spell he has on you and you laugh, really laugh. Joel looks slightly horrified, having no idea what led to your outburst. When you’ve recovered enough, you let him in on it.

“Nice first date song. You really know how to set the mood.”

He rolls his eyes but doesn’t change the song, and you let yourself glance at him again as he drives. His profile glows in the evening sun, and you can’t help thinking how easy it would be to reach over and drag your hand down his chest, and make him pull over so you could climb into his lap. The thought has you pressing your thighs together, your pulse thrumming in your ears. At this rate you’re not going to make it through the night.

…..

The brewery is trendy. Joel hopes it’s something you like. He tries to focus on the menu, but feels like his brain is short-circuiting. It’s not the overpriced burgers or the craft beers with descriptors that don’t sound like flavors. It’s the way you're leaning forward on your elbows, chin resting in your hand, smile tugging at your lips.

The shirt is unfair. The way you’ve got it tied, hugging your body in ways that make his palms itch. Knowing you were touching yourself in the same shirt to the sound of his voice. He’s trying not to stare, trying to be polite, but it’s damn near impossible with you sitting across from him like that.

“How about this one?” you say, pointing to an option on the menu. “Probably the closest thing to what you’ve got stocked in the shop fridge.” He’d wonder how you knew what he had in the fridge, but his eyes are glued to your finger pointing at the menu and it’s consuming all of his thoughts.

You ramble on about a few other choices but he doesn’t hear the words. He’s still stuck on your hand. He swears he can still feel the ghost of your touch from the kitchen last week. Shit. His jeans are already feeling tighter than they should.

He clears his throat, trying to pull it together. “I’ll trust you.”

You smile wide at that. He’s so fucked. “You know a lot about fancy beer.” Yikes. “You got a favorite on here?” Get it together, he begs himself.

“Nah, I don’t really like beer,” you say casually. You give him a shrug and point out a cider you’re thinking about trying. His stomach twists.

“You don’t like beer,” he repeats. “But, you let me take you to a brewery?” His chest feels tight, and he shifts uncomfortably.

“They have food, too.” you counter.

“Right.” Why does he feel like he’s so out of his element? He’s been second-guessing everything about this date. He feels his gaze drifting as his eyes shift out of focus, his fingers toy with his bottom lip as he gets lost in his head.

He knows he can get you worked up just as bad as him over the phone, knows he can make you sing for him with just his fingers, but this? He doesn’t know what you want from him now. Is the date some kind of test? He knows he’s overthinking all of it.

“Hey.” Your voice brings him back, pulling him out of his thoughts. “I like that you planned something.”

It seems genuine. The way you look at him with bright eyes and a smirk like you’ve got something to tease him about on the tip of your tongue. “Now ask me a boring first date question,” you instruct with a nod like you’re giving him some kind of permission.

“What’s your favorite color?”

You snort laughing at him. If you’re half as nervous as him you don’t show it.

….

It works. Mostly. Your drinks arrive. The conversation flows more easily. He still gets tripped up here and there but doesn’t disappear on you again. He asks about your job, your family, about where you moved from, and you give him enough to keep things light but still playfully dodge some of his questions.

Every time he gets flustered, you catch yourself smiling, a little surprised at how much you’re enjoying this. It’s the way he watches you like he’s trying to figure you out. The way he tries. He seems to relax a little and for a moment, you think he might settle into the evening.

Then he reaches for his water, and it all goes sideways. The dangerously full glass wobbles, tilting just enough to spill halfway across the table. Joel jerks back, cursing dejectedly under his breath as he grabs a napkin to clean it up.

You can’t help it. The words are out of your mouth before you can stop them. Just loud enough for him to hear. “Trying to get me wet already?”

His eyes snap to yours. You grin, adding, “Don’t worry, been dripping for you since you showed up at my front door.”

He makes a sound between a cough and a choke. Stunned. The faintest blush creeps up his neck, reaching all the way to his ears. For a second, he looks like he might say something, but all he manages to get out is a gruff, “Jesus.”

You lean back in your chair, grinning triumphantly. You didn’t expect him to get so rattled by your comment. Not with how vulgar he’s been on the phone or when he had his hand between your legs. It’s an ego boost to know you’ve got the upper hand at first.

“Relax,” you purr.

Then you catch the way he discreetly tries to adjust himself under the table. Clearly unable to relieve the pressure. Knowing the effect you have on him is more intoxicating than the alcohol. An idea strikes you. You know exactly how to get him to relax.

“Do you have cash?” you ask.

“What? Yeah.” He looks at you confused.

You nod like he proved a point by saying yes. That confuses him further, a deep line forming between his brows.

“‘Course you do. That’s like, Dad 101 ‘carry cash in case of emergency’.

You stand and grab your bag. “We’re not staying,” you say simply.

“What?” He frowns, sitting up straighter.

You flash him a smile. “I’ve got a better idea. Come on. You said you trust me.”

“To choose a beer,” he grumbles, dropping enough cash for a generous tip on the table before letting you lead. He doesn’t argue as you walk back to the truck, just trying to catch up with your words. He opens the passenger door for you, his hand brushing yours briefly as you climb into the truck. It’s a small thing, but the innocence makes your pulse skip all the same.

Once he’s in the driver’s seat, the tension between you shifts. The silence isn’t uncomfortable, but it’s charged. You glance at him, taking in the way his hands grip the steering wheel so tightly, the muscles in his forearms flexing as he shifts.

The truck rumbles to life and another one of the horniest Nickelback songs plays—barely loud enough to recognize.

I’m loving what you wanna wear

I wonder what’s up under there

Wonder if I’ll ever have it under my tongue

You bite back another laugh as the vocals float through the cab, perfectly at odds with the vibe of the place you just left. Joel shifts, mouth twitching like he knows how ridiculous it is. “You wanna tell me where we’re headed?” he asks, voice cutting through your thoughts.

You tell him where to drive and settle back in your seat. Again your thoughts drift. Infatuated with his fingers curling and uncurling like he’s trying to distract himself. He hasn’t said much since you’ve left, but you can feel the tension radiating off him. Heavy and thick.

You catch his gaze flicker to you for the third time in as many minutes. His eyes trail over the curve of your thighs where your skirt has ridden up. It’s subtle, but enough to make you feel bold.

You smirk, pulling the visor down to check your reflection in the mirror. Fishing a lip gloss out from your bag, you swipe it over your lips, smoothing the edges with your fingertip. Joel doesn’t say anything, but you don’t miss the deep steadying breath that fills his lungs or the crack of his knuckles.

Satisfied with your lips, you tug lightly at the t-shirt, adjusting the knot, shifting the fabric to lay how you like and slipping a hand beneath it to adjust your tits in your lacy bra. You hear Joel exhale sharply, a low, throaty sound that makes heat curl low in your stomach.

“You okay?” you ask, glancing at him out of the corner of your eye. Your voice is softer now, more knowing, and when he doesn’t answer right away, you grin. “You seem tense.”

Joel mutters something under his breath. His jaw tightens. Finally, he glances at you, his eyes dark. “You keep doin’ that, and we’re gonna have a problem, baby.”

“Doing what?” you ask, your voice all innocence, though his threat gives you a prickly rush.

Joel huffs a laugh, low and rough. “You know damn well.” His voice dips, a rasp of heat that whips down your spine. “The lips and the shirt, just messin’ with me like you want me to lose my fuckin’ mind.”

Your grin widens as you meet his gaze. “And what if I do?”

“Jesus,” he mutters, his voice strained, his hand flexing against the wheel. “Trying to get me to crash into a ditch or something?”

The tension between you is unbearable now, the air thick and buzzing. Joel’s jaw is clenched tightly. You unabashedly linger on the way his hips press forward slightly like he’s trying to relieve the ache between his legs. It shouldn’t drive you fucking wild with need, but you’re gripped mind, pussy, and soul.

“Pull over,” you say suddenly, your tone steady.

Joel’s head snaps toward you, incredulous.

“Pull over,” you repeat, your voice softer now, more insistent. “Please.”

He hesitates for only a second before caving, steering the truck onto the shoulder. The tires crunch against the gravel as he shifts into park, the engine idling low as he turns to look at you. His eyes are dark, his breathing uneven, and the sight of him—wrecked and barely holding it together—makes you rabid.

“You’re gonna kill me,” his voice is rough and quiet. Infused with lust and awe.

“Maybe,” you murmur, leaning closer. “But you’ll enjoy it.”

Joel groans softly, his hand flying to your thigh, the heat of his palm searing against your skin. “Torturing me,” he mutters, his voice a low growl. “Sitting there lookin’ like that, knowing damn well what you’re doin’ to me.”

“Yeah?” you ask, your breath hitching as his fingers slide higher. “What am I doing to you, Joel?”

He exhales sharply, his grip on your thigh tightening. Why are his hands that big? Like, how are you supposed to know what they feel like and ever leave his grasp?

Your heart is pounding now, the heat in your veins making it hard to think straight. Joel’s voice drops lower, his hand sliding further up your thigh as he leans closer.

“Can’t stop thinkin’ about it,” he mutters, his lips ghosting over your jaw. “The way you’d taste, the way you’d sound, begging me to fuck you harder, deeper—”

“Joel,” you whisper, cutting him off. Your voice is shaky, your hands gripping his arm as you try to ground yourself. “Please.”

He groans again, the sound rough and desperate, and his hand moves higher, his fingers brushing the edge of your underwear. “Yeah, baby,” he murmurs, his voice thick with satisfaction. “That’s what I wanna hear.”

It makes you shudder. You feel him smile at your body's obvious responses, as his nose grazes your skin just below your ear.

“You’re so fuckin’ perfect,” he murmurs into your neck. “Been thinkin’ about you all damn week. Every time I close my eyes, it’s you.”

His words hit like a match to dry kindling, and your breath stutters as his fingers trace the seam of your panties.

“You know how hard it was to sit there at that table?” he mutters, his voice turning darker. “With you looking like this, wearing my clothes, teasin’ me.”

“We didn’t even make it to the actual dinner part,” you giggle as you trail off.

His fingers press more firmly, dragging slowly over the thin fabric, and you can’t stop the gasp that escapes your lips. Joel groans at the sound, his free hand gripping your thigh to hold you steady.

“Fuck, baby,” he rasps, his voice thick with heat. “You’re already soaked. Bet I could make you come like this, right here, without even tryin’.”

Your hips shift instinctively, grinding against his hand as he works you with deliberate precision. The friction is maddening, just enough to keep you on edge, but not enough to send you over. Every filthy word he says in your ear has you burning up.

“Jesus, you’re gonna sound so fuckin’ sweet for me,” he says, more to himself. “Can’t wait to bury my face between your legs, make you scream my name until your throat’s raw.”

“Joel,” you whisper, your voice shaky, your hand flying to his wrist as his fingers dip lower, brushing just beneath the edge of your panties. “Wait.”

He freezes instantly, his brow furrowing as he looks at you. “What’s wrong?”

You shake your head, your cheeks flushed, your body still trembling under his touch. “Not now,” you assert, your voice soft but steady. “Let me take care of you.”

Joel blinks, his pupils blown wide as your words sink in. His mouth parts to say something but the words disappear. You don’t let him argue.

Sliding your hand down to his belt, you undo it hastily, fingers working open the button of his jeans before he can protest. It’s for him. You want to do this for him. Help him relax so you can enjoy the rest of your date.

But, fuck, it’s also for you. You’ve been riding a high just from a shoddy dick pic and your muscle memory, but you’ve been patient long enough. You’ve got to see it in person and you need it in your mouth, asap. You deserve that much, right?

You slide down the zipper and fuss with the waistband until you get what you wanted. His breath catches as you free his cock. It’s heavy and hard against your palm. Radiating heat and weeping for you.

“Oh, fuck,” he starts, his voice breaking.

You hum softly, pleased, leaning in to kiss him as your hand strokes him slowly, deliberately. Joel groans against your mouth, his hips jerking slightly into your hand.

“You’ve been thinking about this,” you murmur against his lips. “All week.”

“Yeah,” he rasps, voice raw with want. “Can’t stop thinking about you. How you’d feel, how you’d look, how you’d sound.”

“Show me,” you whisper, lowering your head to taste for yourself. You like a hot stripe from the base of his cock to the tip, swirling your tongue around the head.

Joel’s breath stutters, his hand flying to the back of your head as he watches you. “You’re so fucking good, baby. Like a fucking dream.”

You hollow your cheeks, tongue gliding along his length as you take him into the heat of your mouth. You have to use your hands to work the rest of him, still slowly and deliberately. Every sound he makes, every twitch against your tongue, every flex of his core, and tightening of his fingers, it all drives you wild.

It has you moaning with need around him. Your cunt soaked and pulsing, begging for attention between your legs as you focus all on him. It’s just as much for you as it is for him.

His head tips back against the seat, a rumbling grown spilling from his lips as his hips shift beneath you.

“Shit.” he pants, voice cracking. “You’re gonna make come so fuckin’ hard. Bet you’d look so pretty with my come on your tongue.”

The sheer filth of his words spurs you on, your movements quickening as you savor every groan, curse, and sharp inhale from him. “Fuck—just like that.” He encourages you, adding firm pressure to the back of your head as his hips jerk and he loses control.

“You want it?” he asks desperately as you moan in affirmation. You’re voice is still vibrating through him as he starts to come, hot and heavy on your tongue. You don’t stop until his body goes slack beneath you, his chest heaving as you finally pull back.

He looks wrecked, mouth hanging open, sweat on his brow. You give him a devilish smile before opening your mouth to show him. He stares at you, eyes dark and hazy, before cupping your jaw in his palm as you swallow.

“Told you,” he huffs, “so fucking pretty with my come on your tongue.” A bright, satisfied smile spreads on your face at his praise. He pulls you in closer for a kiss. When you pull back a frown pulls at your mouth.

“What’s wrong?” Joel asks hurriedly.

“I didn’t get to see,” you muse. “Will you take a picture next time?”

“Fuck,” he looks at you with awe and pride. “Yeah, baby, of course.”

“Good,” you nod, readjusting and settling back into your seat. “You think you can relax a little now?” you ask, tone teasing.

Joel lets out a breathless laugh. He drags his hand down his face. “You’re unreal,” he mutters, voice still hoarse. The phrase makes you beam with pride. It’s the same remark he made over the phone last week…right before he said ‘got me shooting loads like a fucking teenager’.”

The gratification just from seeing him this wrecked is like a drug. He’s every bit as enticing and addicting as you hoped and feared. You squeeze your thighs together once more and take a deep breath. Committed to the rest of your idea for saving your first date with the divorced DILF of your dreams.

“Back on the road. We’ve got places to be.”

Joel blinks at you, still trying to catch his breath. “You’re serious?”

“Yep,” you smile lazily, tugging gently at his arm. “Drive.”

He shakes his head, muttering something under his breath about you being the death of him, but he shifts the truck into gear, his hand lingering on your thigh as he pulls back onto the road.

THANK YOU FOR READING PLEASE TELL ME IF YOU ENJOYED OR HATED ANY OF IT <3

dividers by @/cyberangel-graphics

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#joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller smut #joel miller #pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfiction #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller x f!reader #divorced dad rock dilf joel #creed!joel #pedro pascal character fanfic

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wosohours · 7 months ago

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bracelets - leah williamson x reader

With Leah being out on concussion protocol, the club doctors ordered her to take a couple of days off to rest. While she is still able to do light activities here and there, she just had to be careful with things that would cause too much strain on her brain, like being on her phone, watching TV, reading a book, etc.

Although it is unfortunate that she cannot play for a bit, you both are grateful that you two get to spend some time together, especially Leah, since she likes it when you take care of her.

You have been doing your best in terms of trying to keep her mind off of her short recovery in the form of many different mini hobbies such as; diamond painting, legos, and puzzles. At one point you had faith that you could get Leah into baking but of course the second she passes the threshold into the kitchen disaster strikes.

Today you decided to get Leah to do something that will not only keep her busy but will keep her away from her phone for a bit.

Walking into your shared bedroom you greet Leah with a kiss on her forehead and say, “Put your shoes on, we’re going to the crafts store.”

“The crafts store? Is this another one of your little hobby ideas to keep me busy?” she says getting off the bed to walk to her closet.

“Yes, even though this is nothing like your ACL days, I just know how you get when you are stuck in your head for too long,’ you tell her.

“That’s very sweet of you babe. I appreciate you putting up with me these past couple of days,” she replies.

____________________

As you two walk around the crafts store you point out certain things that might pique her interest, but not quite caught her eye.

“You should do these,” you say, grabbing a container full of different colorful seed beads. “You can make cute personalized bracelets for your teammates and maybe even some to give back to fans since they’re always making some for you.”

A big smile grows on Leah’s face as she takes the beads from you to observe them. “This is a great idea baby. Let’s get colorful threads too so we can make friendship bracelets,” she says looking around the aisle for the threads.

Looking around a bit more you find individual color bead strands making you think of a TikTok you saw a couple of days ago. You grab a few different shades of blue and walk over to Leah putting them up against her eye.

“What are you doing?” Leah giggles giving you a confused look.

Smiling at her, you put another shade of blue next to her face and ask, “Do you remember that TikTok video I showed you the other day? Where couples would find beads that matched their partner’s eye color and then they would combine the two colors to make a bracelet?”

“Yes, I do remember that. Wait let me go find one that matches your eyes too,” She says walking over to the bead wall in search of a color that closely represents her favorite set of eyes.

“Yep, these will do. I can’t wait to wear these all the time,” she says looking at you.

After grabbing the rest of the stuff you need for the bracelets such as stretchy string and little initial beads, you make your way to check out and head home.

____________________

Leah immediately sets up all the stuff you two got on the dining room table while you go into the kitchen to get her some water and pain meds since her head is starting to hurt again.

“What do you want to do first?” you ask, sitting across from her.

“Let's make the eye color ones first,” she replies.

While making the bracelets you two sit in silence with music playing softly in the background just enjoying being in each other’s presence.

“This was such a great idea, love. Can you tie mine on my wrist?” she asks, and you do so.

When you are done tying her bracelet you tell her, “You know I used to make these and sell them at school. I wanted this pair of boots so bad, and my mom said that if I can come up with half the price of the boots she’d pay the rest. My classmates came up to me with special color requests and in two weeks I had more than half the price, and I got them the next day.”

“I could tell you’re a pro at this. You’ve always been a hard worker,” Leah says smiling down at her new bracelet.

____________________

A couple hours later you and Leah were still at it making bracelets. Well Leah was making bracelets, you were cooking dinner and would stop every now and then to tie them so they would not fall apart.

“FUCK!” you hear Leah shout from the dining room making you rush over to check on her.

“What happened?” you ask with concern in your tone.

Leah lifts up the clear string with no beads on it and says, “I just tried to tie it and the beads exploded everywhere. I don’t know how you do this, it’s so hard.”

She gets down on her knees and starts to pick up all the stray beads. “I mean they are everywhere, we’re going to be finding random beads for weeks.”

You stifle a laugh as you go to help her pick up the beads, “I’ve had years of practice baby, it’s okay.”

“I can pick them up babe, I don’t want you to burn dinner because of me,” she says.

“Alright, why don’t you try the threads and make friendship bracelets for the girls,” you suggest walking back to the kitchen.

“Yea I’ll need your help with that, I can’t figure that shit out to save my life. I can’t believe how many different patterns there are to make a bracelet,” she says, rolling her eyes, still picking up beads.

“It just depends on the design you want, but I’ll help you,” you call out.

____________________

After dinner you and Leah were back at it, this time making thread bracelets so it would not be as messy.

“I finished Beth's, that should be the last one. Man my hands hurt,” Leah says, cracking her knuckles.

You finish tying Beth’s bracelet and say, “Let’s clean up and head to bed. You can give these to the girls tomorrow.”

As you two walk to your bedroom you hear Leah let out a small yelp making you quickly turn around. “I just stepped on a damn bead,” Leah says, holding up a small red bead.

____________________

The next day before you two head to the game Leah grabs all of the bracelets she made and puts them in her bag.

Currently, you two are sitting in the stands with her mother and brother waiting for the game to start. “Do you think they’ll like their bracelets?” Leah asks you while her eyes are on the field.

“Of course baby, I think they’ll love them,” you tell her, kissing her cheek.

She had already given a few lucky fans some bracelets and their reactions warmed her heart. She liked being able to give them something that she made for once instead of the other way around.

After the final whistle blew she grabbed your hand pulling you towards the field with her where she started handing out the bracelets.

“Aww Leah for me? These are so cute,” Lia said, pulling Leah into a hug.

“Is this how you spend your recovery time? Also matching one your lady,” Beth teased, putting on her bracelet.

“Yeah, it was my girl’s idea. It’s our eye colors see,” Leah beamed as she turned around, watching you speak to Viv who also got a bracelet.

“Of course it was, this is very sweet. Thank you, Leah,” Alessia says.

Why Leah was still chatting with the girls, she felt your arms wrap around her waist making her lean back into you. “I told you they would love them,’ you said, kissing the side of her beanie-covered head.

“I know, it was a great idea on your part,” she says, turning around in your arms, “Thank you for taking care of me, I know I can be a lot sometimes.”

“You’re just fine baby, I love taking care of you,” you tell her tightening your arms around her.

As Leah leans in for a kiss she gets interrupted by someone making a gagging noise. “You two are so cute it makes me physically sick,” Katie yells, causing everyone around to laugh.

Leah rolls her eyes and gives you a kiss, sneakily showing Katie her middle finger.

____________________

note: idk fam.

#leah williamson x reader #leah williamson #womens football #woso #woso imagine #woso x reader #woso community #leah williamson imagine #woso fanfics

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vibingandsimping · 2 years ago

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Hear me out though, Ascended Astarion with a Tav that runs from him when he isn't paying mind because she thoroughly enjoys the chase. Or tells him no, disobeys him etc. Because she gets off on him being full on Dom

I am so insane about primal/predator and prey play it’s unhealthy.

It peeves him at first. You’re sit so prettily in his lap with his hand resting on your hip. What a perfect pet you were when you behaved. One of your fellow spawn rush hurriedly and grab his attention. They spoke fast, so much so that Astarion lifted his hand from you and pointedly shushed them. His attention seemed to be focused on them as they detailed something or other of urgency… so you slipped away. Astarion tended to the spawn’s matters with an irritation. They interrupted his personal time. He didn’t notice you, at first, until the weight of you gone was apparent. He’d roam the halls and check the usual spots before realizing you left. You ran from him.

He wasn’t sure whether to be livid or thrilled. His nostrils flared at the thought before he took chase. He tracked down your scent and followed you with his heightened senses. How in the world do you think you’ll escape a vampire demi-god, pet? It wasn’t long til he saw you weaving through the streets. He could taste you on his tongue already- his pupils dilating. Once you reached the outskirts of the city he pounced. Hand gripping your shoulder and the other flying to your mouth as he dragged you into a shaded alleyway. “I’m starting to think you do this on purpose.” He whispered in your ear gruffly. His voice alone sent shocks throughout your body. “Do I need to chain you up to make sure my favorite toy doesn’t disobey me?” You’d be a liar if you told him he was wrong. He knew it too. He could practically feel the way your loins filled with heat and tingled from his word and touch.

He’ll teach you some manners, eventually. He’ll train you to be obedient and compliant. He knows firsthand how to break people. For now, he’d enjoy his fill of this behavior. Such a naughty thing. He’ll enjoy stuffing you full and making you beg him for forgiveness. Lips trailing your skin as you cried out pathetically. You won’t think about leaving him as he pumped you full of his seed now would you? Maybe he’d tie your hands and feet to the bed just so he could really enjoy you. Tell him, he spoke against your ear as he choked you, is that something you’d like?

#my asks #anon asks #my writing #baldurs gate 3 #bg3 #baldurs gate iii #baldur’s gate 3 #baldurs gate 3 x reader #baldur’s gate 3 x reader #baldur’s gate 3 x reader smut #bg3 x reader #ascended astarion #ascended astarion x reader #astarion bg3 #astarion #astarion x reader #astarion smut #astarion x reader smut

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stalkingthenet333 · 1 month ago

Text

TouchStarved!Reader (+ some random reader things mainly) & Thomas Hewitt

This is rather long so yolo LOL (I just wanted to write down some little things about this that I’ve been obsessing over the past two months and couldn't quite figure out a way to make it into a full/short story so...sorry.) ((Not the best at writing moans and all that, some profanity is used!))

NSFW THEMES, MENTIONS OF ORAL (F+M RECEIVING) SIZE + PRAISE KINK AND MUTUAL MASTURBATION. (Also, slight mention of mommy kink? On readers side)

General Reader, AFAB!characteristics (example; use of breasts, vagina. Etc.)

I fully believe Tommy wouldn’t care if you’re touchy, as long as he is comfortable around you.

Which WILL take forever to get to that point. He doesn’t trust easily.

(Can you blame him? Poor baby)

But besides that, he wouldn’t care.

He’d be a bit nervous because he’s so big and he doesn’t want to hurt you.

If he’s in the basement working? You’re clinging to him like a monkey.

If he’s walking around the house? It’s like you’re Velcro.

At first, he didn’t like it.

Because he didn’t trust it.

After a while? Man is sad whenever you’re NOT there.

One time Hoyt made a nasty comment about you, and how “clingy” you are.

Tommy almost killed him.

Hates when you’re upset.

But also, secretly loves it?

And not because he’s used to people crying/being upset around him.

No, no

It’s because you’re EXTRA touchy.

You LOVE his arms, and hands…and strong thighs…. big ole shoulders……hmm.

He makes you feel safe more than anything.

Which is ironic, yes.

If you’re feeling lonely, you’ll find him wherever he is in the house and just hug him.

He grunts and grumbles.

But he loves it.

One time you absentmindedly played with his fingers, and he couldn’t help but get hard.

(When he caresses that girls face OMG)

And yes, I’m one of those firm believers he’s THICC down there.

Big ole man has a big ole dick

LMAO

Anyway.

You’re usually the one to initiate any type of intimate interaction.

It’s not that he won’t, he will…. sometimes.

Which for him, he LOVES to suck on your tits (if you have them.)

That always starts something more.

Yes, he does wear his mask.

He refuses to scare you.

Though you told him time and time again it won’t-

He just grunts at you.

I think he would love if you sucked his thumb SORRY, but I do

Like to calm yourself down, you just grab his hand and sit yourself on his thigh and go to town.

(The scene where he shoves his fingers into that guy's mouth lives rent free in my head.)

He thinks it's erotic.

Adorable.

But definitely naughty.

I also firmly believe he doesn’t have a lot of experience with sex...

Until he met you.

The first time anything ever happened he walked in on you masturbating.

Your eyes closed in bliss...

You didn’t even notice him.

That was until you heard the clank of his belt,

His apron discarded on the ground.

He was fisting his cock as he watched you.

You should’ve been embarrassed.

Scared even.

But it just made you so wet.

You moaned as your eyes met.

“T-Tommy…? I…hmm...”

He’d grunt softly, moving a little closer.

He didn’t fully understand why you were touching yourself, or the purpose of it.

But he clearly felt his cock harden rather quickly.

He’d grunt and groan as he watched, looking behind him to make sure no one would come into the room.

He knew Momma would have a heart attack if she saw what was happening.

He was nervous.

But he kept watching.

Kept fisting his cock.

You’d silently beg him to come closer.

But he wouldn’t move an inch.

Just fisting his large cock, his eyes trained on your wet cunt.

When you came it was as if he was touching you...

He came with a grunt.

Making you lick your lips as his seed leaked from his red, sensitive tip.

“Tommy, you’re such a good boy...” you’d praise

If he didn’t just have cum, he’d cum again.

He loves being praised.

Everyone’s always so mean. Yelling and berating him.

You never did.

You were always so gentle with him.

Took your time when explaining something.

Never got mad when he "messed up”.

He loved hearing your soft moans and whimpers when he had your warm breasts in his hands

Usually late at night.

Neither of you had the energy to actually touch each other but-

His tongue was magic anyway.

He’d rut his hips against your ass as he groped and sucked your tits.

Your nipples wet and glossy with saliva.

You usually were the one to receive any kind of oral.

He didn’t want you to hurt your jaw

How sweet :)))

Really, he just loved to taste you.

One time you even asked, "how Mommy tasted.”

The man about hurt his eyes with how wide they got.

He doesn’t understand kinks. Not yet anyhow.

He’d love to feast on you for hours.

Half the time into overstimulation

Which he didn’t understand, he’d tilt his head when you pushed him away.

“Baby, I’m sensitive. It felt good…so good…I promise I loved it, but…let’s take a break. Okay?”

He’d nod with a huff.

If you two didn’t have time through the day to see each other, you’d find him later that night in the basement...

You’d walk over and straddle his thigh,

“Tommy…” you’d whine.

You didn’t let him ‘respond’ before you’d slowly start grinding yourself down onto his thigh

“Need you.”

He’d let you get yourself off first, holding your hips as you used his thigh to rub your clit against the fabric of his pants.

After you came, he’d stand you up and pull your shorts down, underwear too.

Then he’d lift you up to sit on the desk and eat you out

The taste of your release like honey on his tongue.

He's a certified munch confirmed.

The first time you two ever had sex…was different.

You always talked to him about the idea of it, when…where…how.

He isn’t a stupid man.

Not by any means.

But he loved to hear you explain things.

Really just loves to hear you talk.

Never interrupted

Such a Good boy.

He did have a perceived notion of what sex meant/is.

Momma always told him it was only for a man and his wife to do to make babies for the lord.

That was the extent of his knowledge tbh.

Anywho...

The first time, it was like any normal day.

He went to “work”

You stayed home and helped with chores, Luda May (who still insists you call her momma, but you can't seem to bring yourself to do) always declared she could do it alone.

When he walked in the door, he went straight to clean up for dinner.

Dinner was uneventful.

You washed the dishes alone, telling Luda to rest.

He came into the kitchen.

And just stood there.

“Tommy? You okay Hun?”

Always so gentle with him, he huffed...

“What’s wrong?”

You wiped your hands on your hand towel, walking closer.

“Hmm? Long day?”

You hugged him, he didn’t move.

“Tommy? Hey…” you rubbed his arms, making him stiffen even more if that was possible.

Furrowing your brows, you frowned, “Did I do something?”

He immediately shook his head no.

“So…. I'm confused on what’s happening.”

You chuckled nervously,

He didn’t say anything before lifting you easily onto his shoulder making you yelp.

He took you down to the basement, locking the door as if anyone else would ever go down there willing.

He’d plop you on his bed and stand there staring down at you.

“Tommy...? I…can you try to tell me what’s going on? What’s wrong?”

He just stood there, chest heaving softly

You were always good at reading him.

His noises, his eyes, the way he walked or carried himself.

This felt different.

“Honey…I can’t…I’m confused.”

He huffed softly, his eyes trailing over your form

“Oh…want me to strip?”

He nodded, almost eagerly.

Smiling, you got up on your knees on the middle of the bed and began pulling your shirt off.

Then your bra...

His breathing grew heavier.

You could only smile, shaking your head softly.

Then you sat back and shimmied your shorts off, taking your thong with it.

“There. Now what?”

He huffed, this time deeper

Crawling up to the edge of the bed, getting right in front of him,

“Tommy…” you’d whisper softly.

He’d pull you up so he could kiss you through his mask.

That was new, you usually initiated…well everything.

You kissed him back happily, a soft moan as you did so

He’d trail those thick fingers down your sides,

He was a behemoth of a man, but maaann could he be gentle...

Especially with you.

He'd slowly back you up a bit, making sure you were safely on the bed still, before pulling away, making you chase his lips a little with a whine,

He'd huff out in what would be considered amusement before he'd grunt and nod at the bed again,

"What...? I... Tommy. I'm just...a little confused is all...what do you want me to do?"

He'd grunt again before picking you up and laying you down,

A surprised laugh left your lips.

You laid there sprawled out for his eyes,

He began breathing heavier, his eyes trailing down your body hungrily.

He'd kneel down rubbing your legs softly, before kissing your lower stomach his eyes meeting yours briefly,

He'd immediately latch onto your clit, sucking gently.

"O-oh! F-fuck... Tommy..." your head lulling to the side as you had propped yourself up on your elbows to watch him,

He lets out a low, satisfied grunt as he pleasures you.

His large rough hands gripping your thighs tenderly, taking his time as his now very experienced tongue works circles around your clit.

You moaned out, your hand going to the back of his head, keeping him close,

His mask presses against your inner thighs as he hungrily began licking up and down your cunt, a soft grunt escaping him, but it was muffled against you.

"Hmm...baby...feels so good..."

He moved to hold your hips tightly, a far cry from how gentle he typically is, spreading you open with his tongue he dove into your wet, tight entrance.

Fucking into you with the strong muscle.

You bucked your hips, "ooh hmmm...."

His tongue laps inside of you with increasing fervor,

His hips slowly rutting into the side of the mattress, his cock straining in his pants.

The wet noises mingle with your soft moans and whines.

Suddenly, he pulled back a bit, and blew gently onto your exposed glistening pussy,

You felt his thick fingers slowly rubbed along your slit, teasingly pressing against the entrance but never pushing past.

He blew on your cunt again, making you whine, "Tommy, be a good boy and touch me already...!"

He'd pause all movements, his eyes meeting yours

Then he'd dip just the tip of his middle finger inside of you.

Those eyes never once leaving your face.

You let out a small moan as he finally and oh so slowly pushed his thick digit inside of you.

His talented mouth latching onto your sensitive nub again as he set a slow pace,

Letting you adjust to the thickness of his finger.

"Y-yes, so good...so good for me, hm?" you tried to buck against his finger, but he quickly held you down easily with his free hand.

"Tommy...please..." you'd beg

Instead of moving faster, he grunted and removed his finger,

"No! No, please...please!"

He leaned up and pressed the finger to your lips, "Hm."

You sucked it clean, your eyes never leaving his.

He slowly added another, watching with keen eyes as your lips stretched around them.

He lightly pushed them further into your mouth,

"Hmmm..." you'd hum around them, your eyes closing as you sucked them eagerly as if they were his cock.

His excitement grew,

He pushed them further making you gag slightly, your eyes opening and tears lining your lashes.

He pulled them out and wiped the saliva from your lips with his thumb, his hand rested on your face.

He leaned in and kissed you,

The kiss is deep and demanding.

While his other hand trailing down to cup your breast firmly

His thumb brushing your nipple,

Circling the hardening peaks.

He broke the kiss to suck a nipple into his mouth, sending shocks of pleasure through you.

"Tommy...I need you, please baby...", you moaned breathlessly

Releasing your nipple, he grunted softly,

He swiftly moved you so he could sit on the edge of the bed, "Mmm."

"Let me help..." you'd speak gently, leaning in to whisper into his ear, "Let me show you..."

He lets out a low groan, your gentle words and whispers getting to him.

And despite his monstrous appearance...you trusted him.

Needed him.

He gave a curt nod and watched as you smiled that beautiful bright smile of yours,

You helped him take his belt off, your dexterous hands easily unbuttoning his pants.

His chest heaved as you palmed him through his slacks, his hips bucking involuntarily into your hand.

With an almost slow, and tortuous pace, you reached in to free his large throbbing cock from the confines of his pants.

"So big." you'd mumble out,

His massive erection springs free, and he let out a deep rumbling growl.

It's thick, long, and veiny.

Standing tall against his lower stomach, leaking pre-cum.

He is the picture of raw, primal need this way.

He spreads his legs giving you more room to work.

You swiped your thumb over his tip, making him shudder,

He watches as your small hand is barely able to wrap around it.

He growls low in his throat as you began jerking him off,

"Let me taste you...please?" you'd ask delicately

You knew he didn't ever want you to hurt yourself, he was very adamant about that.

His eyes widened a bit, and his large hand reached out to halt your movements,

"It'll feel amazing... I promise I'll be careful."

He's terrified that you'll hurt yourself trying to take his massive size, but he gives a small nod, letting go of your hand.

You immediately resumed jerking him off and shimmied lower, so you were eye level with his sex.

You looked up over your lashes before licking the slit on the top of his sizeable shaft.

He lets out a deep, guttural moan,

His hips lifting in a knee jerk reaction.

Grinning you leisurely suckled on the tip of his cock, your lips stretching around him trying to accommodate his size.

You'd swirl your tongue gingerly, humming soothingly.

Pumping the extra length that didn't fit you began slowly bobbing your head,

His small grunts and groans turning you on even more.

Despite your best effort he's only about halfway in your warm, wet mouth.

He let his hand come up to gently rest on the back of your head, urging you silently to fasten your pace.

His massive chest begins to rise and fall rapidly as you swallow more of him, you bob your head a bit faster.

Being careful to not hurt yourself, you pushed all of him into your mouth.

The tip of his cock hitting the back of your throat making you gag.

You pulled off of him, a small string of spit still attached as you caught your breath.

You continued to rub his cock that's now slick with your saliva.

"Taste so good baby..." before you took him back into your mouth.

Overwhelmed with the sensation of your welcoming mouth and small praise, he shuddered again,

"Hmmph."

He pulled you up so he could kiss you again.

As you two made out sensually he moved you, so you were now straddling his lap,

Your naked core flush against his throbbing dick,

You slowly began to hump against him.

Moaning into his mouth as your clit dragged up and down his member,

"Tommy...I want you...please..."

His hands on your hips tightened in a small grip, he pulled away from the kiss.

His intense gaze fixated on your face, trying to read your hidden emotions.

"Please..." you'd reach down between your bodies and feel him up.

He'd grunt but nod, kissing you again as you lined his tip up with your entrance.

His large frame goes almost rigid, his mind racing.

A part of him wanted to stop.

Nervous his Momma wouldn't approve.

Another part of him, the monster in him, wanted to pull you down and fuck up into you like a wild animal.

The part that loves you ultimately won, so he allowed you to go at your own pace.

Letting out a soft moan, you slowly lowered yourself onto him.

He let out a low growl, his hands gripping your hips tighter.

Sure to leave a bruise but you knew he didn't mean it.

Still locked in a deep kiss you took him inch by inch, thankfully your cunt was still slick with juices, helping you.

"F-fuck..." you whimpered, "Tommy..."

He'd grunt in approval as you were now fully sated on him.

"Mm.." His hips moved a bit, almost as if he was experimenting causing you to moan out.

His eyes snapped up to your face, seeing your hooded eyes and mouth slight agape,

"Hmm, it....it felt good, you didn't hurt me...I promise I'll tell you, okay?" you rubbed his shoulders comfortingly.

He nods, slow and unsure he lifted you up a bit before pulling you back down.

You moaned again, "Y-yes...good...good boy, hmm."

He continued to do that, his eyes never leaving your face.

In a measured and deliberate motion, he began to slowly buck up into you, "Nngh.."

His small moans and grunts made you clench around him.

His eyes met yours again, a small question,

"I'm so full...feels so good..."

You slowly began your own pace of fucking down onto him,

A small gasp left his lips as he slowed his own thrusts.

"Tommy...such a sweet boy..." you closed your eyes in euphoria

His lips latched onto your tits, sucking and massaging them with his large hands, his hips bucking up as you rode him.

"Your cock is so big baby...fuck." You'd whine as you rested your hands in his hair, your hips meeting his thrusts

He inhaled sharply as you verbalized your pleasure, a small shimmer of pride in his eyes

Knowing his massive size is bringing you such ecstasy makes him throb inside you.

Without warning he turns the two of you, so your back is on the bed and he's now wildly pounding his hips into you, his gentleness snapping.

Your nails scratch his forearms as he held you open, allowing you to take him easier.

"Oooh my god! Yes! Yes...hmm, Tommy!" you'd wail out, begging him for more.

His eyes roll back as the slight pain of your scratches mixes with the intense pleasure of being inside your tight warm cunt,

"Hmm, mm.." his pace was relentless, he was chasing his own release quickly.

Reaching down, his thumb rubbed small circles against your sensitive nub making you mewl softly.

"I....oh, fuck...don't stop..."

His thrusts became erratic as he felt your walls clench, "Mm!" he was now grunting into your neck as the pleasure almost became too much.

With a growl he slammed into you, holding your thighs tightly as he filled you to the brim with his warm seed, your eyes rolled back

Your legs shook and you cried out as you came, your walls clenching around his cock, keeping him inside of you.

"Tommy..." you spoke breathlessly, kissing him.

"So good.."

He'd rub your hips soothingly, his eyes full of remorse as he noticed the thumb shaped bruises.

"I'm okay my love, I promise."

You two would cuddle the rest of the night but not before he cleaned you up, peppering small kisses on the bruises.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Soooooooooo...? What do we think? Too much? Too little? Could be better? Be honest, please and thank you! I do take requests btw!

#thomas hewitt smut #thomas hewitt #slashers x reader #slasher fandom #texas chainsaw massacre #x reader #reader insert #good boy #Spotify

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bunni-v1 · 5 months ago

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hii, congratulations on 500 followers 🎊

May I request a full nsfw alphabet for azul ashengrotto please?

🍓Huzzah, Azul is done. I think I only have three more of these, and then I'm done with them. I'm planning on writing more for Lighter though, so... lord knows when I'll refocus lol. I just... I love he.

Azul NSFW Alphabet

A = Aftercare: This can go one of two ways: Azul pampers you or you pamper Azul. He wants nothing more in the whole world than to ensure that you are comfortable, happy, and satisfied. He will wipe you down, draw you a bath, wash your hair, and give you a whole spa treatment if you let him. He wraps you up in fluffy towels and gives you his softest set of pajamas, that is when he has the energy to do that. Usually, Azul is so worn out that he can’t pamper you like the queen you are, and you’re the one doing all that for him. The only exception is when he’s in his mer form… he uses considerably less energy to satisfy both of your needs like that, let's just say.

B = Body Part: He’s a thigh guy, you can just tell from that stupid little smirk. Legs are so annoying, they’re clunky and they move oddly; he hates them. That is until he saw yours. Suddenly he gets the appeal. They’re truly captivating, you know? They can be so graceful on the right person. As for himself, I think he’d probably say something like his hands or his face. He uses his hands a lot, to write contracts, make food, use magic, etc.. They’re useful, and you seem to enjoy them a lot when he uses them on you. With his face, he knows he’s handsome and charming, it’s one of his biggest weapons so of course he’s a fan of it.

C = Cum: Azul is very conservative, I feel. It’s either inside or nothing. He just thinks it’s kind of gross, I mean, seriously he doesn’t want to stain his nice satin sheets. Also, uhm, why would he waste his seed when it could be put to proper use? Before you ask, yes, he scoops up any that manages to slip out and pushes it back in. As for color, I imagine it’s much darker in color than humans, more of a grey/blue color and it’s rather sweet tasting. If you ask him nicely, he might let you eat it up.

D = Dirty Secret: Maybe not a secret, but he wants to knock you up sooooo bad. He’s fully aware it’s irresponsible, you’re both college students with lives ahead of you, but imagining you with his kids makes him a little more than irrational. He’d NEVER let it happen though, always ensuring you’ve taken the morning-after pill or your birth control if you have it. He’s not ready to be a father until he’s got his business ventures settled. (In a few years after you graduate though? Lol, good luck with this guy.)

E = Experience: NONE! Azul has zero experience and it shows. He’s super clumsy the first time, and everything makes him blush. He cums putting it in and he cries about it too. You can’t blame him though, he’s kind of a super loner. It’s not like he’d ever let anyone close enough to sleep with him in the first place, so be gentle with him. He definitely gets way better as he learns what you like. You come across him studying human sexual anatomy a few times, and even though he’s embarrassed, thinking about it like classwork helps calm his nerves.

F = Favorite Position: If he’s topping, probably missionary – unless you’re fucking his mer form, then he pretty much pulls you around however he likes. Weirdly, he likes holding you upside down while he pumps his tentacles inside you. He thinks you won’t be able to hurt him that way (you weren’t gonna hurt him period, but instinct wins ig). When you’re topping, cowgirl all the way, please. Loves watching you bounce, it’s so satisfying.

G = Goofy: I don’t see him as goofy during, not intentionally, at least. He’s playful sure, enjoying teasing you for your reactions, but he’s not really jokey. He doesn’t think sex is the time to mess around and poke fun at each other. It’s intimate and vulnerable, so he’d rather not crack jokes if he can.

H = Hair: Rest assured that Azul is wonderfully groomed. Sometimes he shaves it clean down there, other times he keeps a little white tuft of hair, but it’s always nice and presentable.

I = Intimacy: Oh Azul is so sweet. He holds you close and whispers in your ear about how happy he is, how lucky he is to have you, how much he loves you. It’s a very vulnerable time, and when Azul is so flooded with pleasure, he tends to lose himself to it. He wants the same reassurance from you, of course, especially when you’re the one in charge. Be sure to whisper sweet nothings to make him feel good.

J = Jack Off: He doesn’t like masturbating, like, at all. It’s such an annoying task and it’s so messy, so he avoids it at all costs. The only time he’ll try it is if you ask to watch him, and he expects a nice reward afterward too. Other than that? Why would he do anything like that when he has you to help?

K = Kink: So other than the established breeding kink, I think Azul is pretty vanilla. He’s not into restraints usually. Other than in his mer form, where he can easily twist and bend and hold you where he likes. He’s not all that into marking, finds it more embarrassing than anything. One thing he is into is size difference – specifically when he’s in his mer form you are dwarfed by him. You’re so small and malleable and cute, especially when you whine that you can’t handle it anymore.

L = Location: His bedroom is a fan favorite. It’s quiet and private, and no one can bother either of you. He’d rather no one be able to see either of you in such an intimate position, especially not Floyd or Jade. You can, however, convince him to let you have sex in his office. The door is lockable and there are no widows, and the room is soundproof. The only issue is Jade has a key (NOT Floyd), and you could still get caught, but the risk is… kind of thrilling. (Jade would 100% do it on purpose too).

M = Motivation: Seeing your legs is a big one for him. He could stare at them all day if allowed, the way they move, and sevens if he could touch them it would be way better. Wearing stockings or particularly short shorts and skirts also kills him. Alternatively, arguing with him (in a playful way) is a surefire way to get him riled up. He doesn’t know why he likes it so much, he just gets a thrill when you’re both poking each other's buttons.

N = No: Absolutely nothing public, he hates the idea of being watched. On top of that, no filming or pictures of either of you. He doesn’t want them to accidentally get out and be used as blackmail against him. Also no degradation, please. He’s sensitive, he will cry and it will ruin the mood, so don’t hurt him like that. Oh, no sharing either. He’s not a big fan of sharing his loved one’s attention, especially not in this context.

O = Oral: Listen Azul might be bad in bed to start, but he’s amazing at eating you out. It’s the one thing that he just got immediately, and that isn’t a commentary on him liking food or anything, he’s just fucking talented with his tongue. Like, mind-blowingly good at manipulating it in ways that will have your eyes rolling.

P = Pace: Azul always tries to take his time with things, so he’s very slow and sensual. He prefers deep and precise thrusts over aggressive and fast ones because he likes to feel everything. Sometimes he closes his eyes just to get lost in that sensation. However, as he gets closer and closer to cumming he gets a little sloppy. He misses his rhythm more and more until he stutters his hips and pushes aaaalllllllllll the way in.

Q = Quickie: Not a big fan of them, honestly. Like I said, he prefers to take his time and really feel everything, so quickies are just not his forte. Not to say he’s against them, he absolutely has indulged you in his office really quick between clients, but he just doesn’t prefer them.

R = Risk: He does not like risk, which makes him way too anxious and he performs way worse than he normally does. He doesn’t want to be seen in an intimate position with you like that, and he’s not all that up to experiment out of his comfort zone either. He knows what he likes, and it’s highly unlikely you surprise him.

S = Stamina: He doesn’t have a lot of stamina for himself, which is why he takes a nice long time with foreplay. He enjoys seeing you cum a few times before the main event, mostly because he can only cum once before he’s done. Though, in his mer form this isn’t the case. He can go for multiple rounds non-stop if you want, he just usually doesn’t because that’s not exactly healthy for a human to go through.

T = Toys: I don’t think he has many toys for you, because why would you need them when you have him? He can do more than any of them even could. He takes extra offense to tentacle-shaped toys, do you think he’s a joke? Besides, he knows how much more you like his tentacles so why would you waste time with silicone when you have a much nicer alternative?

U = Unfair: Believe it or not, Azul isn’t unfair at all. He’s not that big of a tease, though sometimes he comes off that way, and he certainly won’t make you beg for your own pleasure. It’s his job to make you feel good, withholding that is a failure to uphold his side of the bargain. He can’t have that. Now if you tease him a little he wouldn’t be opposed, just… when he tells you to stop, please stop.

V = Volume: Azul is very whiny. He tries his best to bite back his noises, but he always makes them, and he makes a lot of them. Usually, it’s little squeaks and sighs of pleasure, but sometimes when he’s really far gone, he makes these delicious drawn-out moans that would make a porn star blush. He would like it if you were vocal as well, mostly to drown out his shame a little lol.

W = Wild Card: Azul would absolutely love to eat a full meal off you one day. Like, appetizers, main course, and you for dessert type shit. As much as he tries to hide it, he loves food so much, and I know he would love to combine it with you. So, eating food off of you is a bigggggg thing he wants to do someday. (He would never voice this, and would take it to his grave.)

X = X-Ray: Azul’s member is the strongest out of the Octinivelle trio, purely because it’s just not human looking even in human form. Jade and Floyd at least have human-like penises, but Azul… not so much. It’s wide, on the shorter side about 4 inches, and black in color. It resembles a tentacle but retains the human penile structure. It’s the same in his mer-form, so its easy to assume his penis just isn’t affected in the transformation.

Y = Yearning: Azul’s sex drive is about average, but he doesn’t usually act upon it. He likes to have sex maybe once a week, but with his schedule, even that can be difficult. He’s very good at ignoring his needs when he needs to, so a lot of the time you’ll have to be the one to initiate and tell him to do something about his yearning problem. Z = Zzz: He falls asleep pretty quickly depending on how long everything took. He likes to stay up and care for you and himself a bit, but he’s still quick to fall asleep when everything is in order. He just doesn’t have that much energy, poor thing.

#twst #twisted wonderland #twst x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #x reader #azul ashengrotto #azul twst #azul ashengrotto x reader #azul x reader #bunni's treats 🧁

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wolverinesleftclaw · 9 months ago

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Loved your SFW alphabet!!!! Can you also do the nsfw alphabet for Wolverine??????🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹

logan howlett nsfw alphabet

pairings : logan howlett x fem!reader warnings : smut prompts, deep throating, dacryphilia, choking, breeding kink, mean!logan, dom/sub dynamics, i’m probably missing some, NOT PROOFREAD a/n : hey so this sucks because i’ve had to rewrite it like seven times bc tumblr wouldn’t let me post, i’m sorry if it’s disappointing:(

A ➝ Aftercare (what they're like after sex)

⤷ logan is extremely attentive after sex, his deep rooted fear of over using his strength on you always in the forefront of his mind. with you usually being stuck in the clouds after the most amazing orgasm of your life he’s always sure to care for you.

‘here darlin drink’ logan mumbles bringing a glass of water to your lips.

‘hmm’ you mumble out nestling your head into the hand he’s using the move your head.

B ➝ Body part (their favorite body part of their

partner's)

⤷ logan’s favorite body part is definitely your neck. he loveeeesssss kissing, biting, choking…. he loves your inhaling your scent, your pheromones always setting him off.

C ➝ Cum (where they like to cum)

⤷ preferably inside of you, but he’s willing to whatever you want. he’s obsessed with the idea of leaving his seed in you whether it be your cunt or your mouth.

‘cmon darlin’ swallow it for me’ he groans out reaching his peak his grip tightening on your hair.

D ➝ Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

⤷ he won’t tell anyone but when he’s away on missions he always brings a pair of your underwear with him. especially if he knows it’s going to take longer than usual.

E ➝ Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they're doing?)

⤷ logan’s two hundred years old, he’s got a lot of experience and maybe it hadn’t really clicked in your head how experienced he was until the first time you slept together. him having you come undone in a matter of minutes.

F ➝ Favorite position (this goes without saying)

⤷ he lovessss cowgirl, you being on top is the hottest thing to him. it’s not often people have control over him but with you he’d gladly let you. pulling you down by your neck holding you to his chest while he thrust’s viscously up into you at an inhuman speed.

‘yea baby, you love when i fuck you like this’ he grunts into your ear harshly.

G ➝ Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

⤷ he is not goofy at all. he’s a serious man when it comes to pleasing his woman.

H ➝ Hair (do they like hair pulling?)

⤷ he loves hair pulling. at first he wasn’t sure if you would like it granted his strength but when he was deep inside you with you begging his to pull your hair he snapped. he’s been obsessed with it ever since.

‘please lo..’ you moan out eyes wide

‘please what baby, gotta tell me what you need’ he gruffs out his movements never once stopping at the plea in your tone as you move his hand to the back of your head.

‘want you t—‘ your words getting cut short by the string grip that pulls your head back your neck wide on display.

I ➝ Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

⤷ the first couple times intimacy was a hard thing for logan, it wasn’t slow and sensual it was hard and rough. you never complained he’d never really had a reason or a person to go slow with. slowly the more he opened up to you about his life and his past and saw how willingly you loved him his demeanor changed from needing to be in control to wanting to let go of that control and just be in that moment with you.

J ➝ Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

⤷ logan’s mission had taken longer than expected, to say he was surprised would be an understatement. getting home late at night he wasn’t expecting to walk in on his peaches touching herself while moaning out his name. sure he was mad at first. but watching you struggle to reach the places he knew only he could turned him on more, knowing you weren’t satisfying yourself enough to actually cum.

K ➝ Kink (one or more of their kinks)

⤷ BREEDING!!!! i shouldn’t have to say more but i will, he loves pumping you full of his seed whispering dirty things in your ear as he does it. he also loves to see you cry when your all cock drunk and begging for more.

‘cmon princess, why are you crying i know you can take it’

L ➝ Location (favorite places to do the do)

⤷ he loves taking you on any surface he can have you. the shower, the kitchen counter, the sofa, the floor. but nothing beats the good ol bed especially because of his size it can make it difficult. he’d rather be able to spread you out and take care of each and every part of your body.

M ➝ Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

⤷ the sounds you make when he starts touching you are enough to get him completely feral. the ragged breaths you let out when he’s attacking your neck, biting and kissing.

N ➝ No (something they wouldn't do, turn offs)

⤷ he’d absolutely never use his claws on you. despite how beautiful you think they are he still hates them. he prefers to keep you as far away from his weapon of destruction as he can. even though sometimes you beg him to just run them down your torso he refuses.

O ➝ Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

⤷ depends on his mood. if he’s in a good mood he’ll eat it like it’s his last meal on gods green earth. if you piss him off he’s fucking your face until you a blabbing mess of tears and spit.

‘you just had to fuckin’ piss me off darlin’ huh?’ he forces out, hands on either side of your head as he thrusts roughly.

P ➝ Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

⤷ oh baby he is both! depends on his mood but more likely he’s touch and gentle, he knows your body and he knows when you need that extra push to get you over the edge.

Q ➝ Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

⤷ HATES THEM!!! he’d rather not fuck you than have a quickie.

R ➝ Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

⤷ he’ll definitely try new things, although he’d never risk your safety no matter how much you want him to.

S ➝ Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?).

⤷ it’s never just one round. he’d fuck you until you pass out if he could. but in all seriousness he’s always ready for another round, he’s no one thrust buck he’ll have you in every position imaginable before he finishes.

T ➝ Toys (do they use toys?)

⤷ literally no lol he refuses and he hates when you do to.

U ➝ Unfair (how much they like to tease

⤷ oh he just loves teasing you, any chance he gets whether it be mocking or talking you through it.

‘cmon peaches, you really thought i’d let you cum after what you did tonight?’

V ➝ Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

⤷ he’s vocal. he’ll tell you exactly how good you make him feel or how good your being. he knows you love when he groans and grunts in your ear.

W ➝ Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

⤷ logan fucking you on the counter after he got home from a mission that didn’t go as planned, he’s angry and needs to blow some steam so he’s rough with his movements, hand over your mouth to stop your moans, whispering in your ear ‘thats it’s baby just let me take it on you huh?’

X ➝ X-ray (let's see what's going on under those clothes)

⤷ HUNG!!! dudes hung. for the first while you couldn’t take all of him, but now you reveled in the fact you could. the first time you saw his cock you were definitely intimidated but he was just a cocky little fucker and told you he wasn’t worried and that you could take it.

Y ➝ Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

⤷ logan wants to fuck you anytime and anywhere. he has to stay aware that as a predator your sex drive isn’t nearly as high as his. often having to hold back on his urges especially if he spent all night fucking you into the bed the night before.

Z ➝ Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

⤷ he’s not quick to fall asleep, he’ll wait for you to fall first and then after he just holds you and basks in the feeling of having you beside him.

taglist : my bby @cevansbaby-dove @rogueinmymind @rosewine-5 @caramelatae @catastrophe8866slut @barnes1487d @lexiway121 @ms-e-com @nayyomi @spookyfunhottub @megangovier @aphestina @txtgojou @its-not-about-angels @sammysvers @modrooli @twinky-wink @orisquirrelking @car1er @sseleniaa @nudziaraaa @pinkfloydsimp @scarlett-witchh @shiawaseorii @sephirothhh @sturnizd @chaoticweirdogeek @magpiemayhem @hearts4suri @f4tnu663ts @tvdxavatarxst @vivas-xiv @k1t-k4ts @hettie1spam @sssprivlmaoo @rockytheluver @saturnluvvr @mysticpidge @sl4sh3r @ginamcflurry

holy fuck there’s a lot of you that want to be tagged :> luv u

#logan howlett smut #hugh jackman #deadpool and wolverine #wolverine #iron man #deadpool #logan howlett #tony stark #logan howlett x reader #wolverine smut

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robin-evry · 7 months ago

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Hiiiiiii !!!! Could I please ask for half-flower (rose) yuu? ♡

Sure thing, ask and you shall receive

𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐈𝐅 𝐘𝐔𝐔 𝐈𝐒 𝐇𝐀𝐋𝐅 𝐅𝐋𝐎𝐖𝐄𝐑 / 𝐍𝐘𝐌𝐏𝐇 🌹🥀

A nymph (Ancient Greek: νύμφη, romanized: nýmphē; Attic Greek: [nýmpʰɛː]; sometimes spelled nymphe) is a minor female nature deity in ancient Greek folklore. Distinct from other Greek goddesses, nymphs are generally regarded as personifications of nature; they are typically tied to a specific place, landform, or tree, and are usually depicted as maidens.

I know this isn't what you ask for, but I decided to modify it a little to have a little background, I chose nymph due to them being a personification of nature, so this yuu will be a nymph that is the personification of the flower rose

( English is not my first language )

Yuu's appearance is deeply tied to the rose motif. They have half of their body adorned with intricate rose patterns, where thorny vines twist elegantly along with their skin, possibly wrapping around their arms and legs.

They are calm and nurturing like a flower in full bloom, but if someone harms those they care about, they reveal her "thorny" side, becoming sharp-tongued and quick to defend themselve and others.

They are the embodiment of the rose—elegant, serene, and welcoming to those who approach them with kindness. They value harmony, often seeking to create peace among those around them, much like how a rose beautifies its surroundings. However, like the thorned stem of the flower, they have a sharp edge. They are fiercely protective of their friends and can be quite intimidating when someone threatens them.

When they walk past the surroundings with plants, flowers or roses start to bloom out of nowhere since they have a connection to nature. Become NRC affocial gardener

Regardless they are actually very good at gardening, when Crowley was visiting ramshackle he saw that ramshackle is like a green house rich with beautiful plants, instead of a run down shack it looks like a rich and bountiful house that are filled with flowers around it making it beautiful. Soon they were hired to be a gardener including a paycheck for them.

And it did not disappoint, the school became a lot more popular, the school has become a much nicer place than RSA, the film research club usually films scenes that takes place in forest or an area field with flowers in exchange of not damaging the flowers, even some famous brands, photographer etc do their photo or filming in NRC, Crowley managed to double the amount the his getting but 80% of the money was given to yuu.

During some time epel ask half flower!yuu to help him with the trees in his village, since their grandparents have apple trees and it been getting hard to maintain. As well to use their natural ability to turn dead trees into flourishing apple trees.

Each winter, they're powers and energy slowly begin to dwindle as the weather turns colder. Much like how roses enter dormancy during the winter season, they also withdraw from their usual lively state. Their body and magic are tied to nature, so they require this period of rest to rejuvenate their powers. During hibernation, the rose vines that adorn their body recede slightly.

This hibernation period usually lasts from late fall until the first signs of spring. During this time, their personality becomes quieter, more introspective. They tend to avoid conflict, conserving their energy by staying indoors and using her magic sparingly. However, even in this dormant state, their thorns remain sharp, ready to defend themselves and others if necessary.

Since they're connected to plants and nature, they have the ability to manipulate any plant similar to poison ivy powers but the drawback they are unable to create plants, only be able to only existing resources.

Example : during the savanaclaw arc, they were unable to manipulate plants due to the lack of plants or nature in the area. So they carried a sack of seeds In case of this situation.

They're floral pheromones can calm, soothe, or subtly influence others. At NRC, they uses this ability carefully, often to de-escalate conflicts before they spiral out of control. In dangerous situations, they can amplify the effect to create an overwhelming sense of peace, putting their opponents into a dazed or passive state.

In ramshackle, there's a small garden filled with rare flowers, and some students found half flower!yuu tending the flowers during their free time and if any students pluck their flowers without permission or destroy it, they will dangle by the leg upside down for half an hour.

Their dorm room is a sanctuary of its own, filled with potted plants, vines, and roses that respond to their presence. It has a calming atmosphere, with the faint scent of roses always lingering in the air. Friends often visit their room for peace and quiet when the chaos of NRC becomes overwhelming, knowing that their plants will offer comfort and protection. They've become known for her green thumb, and their room is a hidden oasis amid the more chaotic, dark environment of the school.

They are also knowledgeable about biology on plants. During their free time if a student manages to come in contact with their dangerous plants, they will create an antitude for the situation. They are also excellent pharmacists.

Classes like potionolgy are extremely easy for them, one of Mr crewel star pupal. Some students seek for them for their guidance on the subject

Them and Vil share an appreciation for beauty and elegance. Vil respects their natural grace and sees her as a symbol of refined strength. They bond over skincare, fashion, and the art of presentation, though Vil sometimes wishes they would embrace a more high-maintenance beauty routine. meanwhile, they enjoy Vil's dedication to perfection but reminds him that even roses have imperfections that make them unique.

Also they usually have a sun bath, they will lay in the ramshackle ground wearing a sun glass and enjoy the sunlight.

They are also to be described as very confident and brash by people, described by people as their thorn side even tho that people said this side is ugly, half-flower!yuu would ignore them due to them loving both sides of themselves and always be true to themselves.

Even tho people see them as a kind and brash person, they are also very judgemental immediately judging people's fashion sense, during their first meeting with ace, in their head they are judging his uniform and hairstyle. They also had a very sharp tongue immediately roasting the first years during their first meeting.

#not canon #twisted wonderland #twst headcanons #twst scenario #disney twst #twisted wonderland yuu au #twst mc #twst wonderland #twst x reader #twst yuu au #half-flower!yuu #nymph!yuu kinda

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homelessnerd · 8 months ago

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I have seen a lot of blogs that subscribe to the prosperity gospel/name it and claim it style preaching/inspirational quotes, so I want to address it as I’ve seen a lot of people be hurt by it.

For those of you who don’t know, this way of teaching attempts to use scripture to say that all Christians will be healthy, happy, have a good relationship, blessings, good finances, etc. “All you have to do is pray” and “You can do anything if you have enough faith” are common ideas even if they aren’t explicitly said. Sowing and reaping is another common idea that the pastors of churches who use this ideology use to ask for money from people, especially the poor because the promise is that if they sow a seed of money they will reap even more. It usually just leads to debt.

A lot of these things seem innocent at first, especially the inspirational quote style ones. One I just saw was a Bible verse that says “Whoever sows little reaps little, and whoever sows much reaps much.” And that is a good statement, it’s the Bible, but out of context it isn’t clear at all that the verse is specifically talking about offerings in the church. And later on in the same passage it says these offerings are for the needs of the saints (saints referring to all Christians for any Catholics who may read this) and thus implies that if you need the money you shouldn’t give it. It also says in the verse before it that the offering should be a willing gift and not an exaction. So it is doubly clear that this is not meant to be forced, it is meant to be given out of what you can give.

There is a whole lot more I could write on this issue, it spreads so broad. Rather than explain every single thing they say that’s wrong it would probably be a better use of my energy to say what is right.

God gives us uncomfortable situations, sometimes even dangerous ones. I was homeless for the first four months of my marriage. It was rough. We have debt. My husband has genetic medical issues. It still is rough. But through it all we have trusted God and he has given us something more valuable than all the money or health in the world could get us, and that is a solid community of believers that follow God’s word and urge us to do the same. Even when we didn’t have that, we still had assurance of our salvation and God to lead us through.

Life isn’t easy. People aren’t always healthy, no matter how much faith you have. Sometimes you are struggling with money and can’t seem to get what you need. Sometimes it doesn’t matter how much you give, sometimes all you get back is hatred for being kind. But there is one thing more valuable than anything in this world, and that is God. So don’t cling to what God can give you, trust him and follow him through everything that does happen. God works all things (good and bad, some things he doesn’t throw at us but instead a fallen world does) for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purpose.

#christian #prosperity

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marzipanandminutiae · 6 months ago

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I've gotten some interesting responses to my post wondering if Um Actually 3 AM Is The REAL Time For Supernatural Occurrences was a traditional thing before I first noticed it in the creepypasta boom of the late 00s-2010s, as many of those creepypastas claimed. some of them along "guys. please. reading comprehension" lines, I admit

"Lots of cultures have a Witching Hour!" yes, true, but that's not 3 AM specifically. for a long time it was usually midnight, or an unspecified late night/wee hours of the morning period

"This author says 3 AM feels like depression or vice versa!" that is not about Spooky Things Happening; try again

"early Christian beliefs say-" "well, in traditional Japanese folklore-" sources??? (also from what I've seen while looking into this, the Hour of the Ox in historical Japanese timekeeping was between 1 AM and 3 AM- 3 AM specifically was the end of it, not the beginning. but it was a traditional time for curses)

A mention of 3 AM as a particularly bad time of night re: health, sleep, nightmares, etc. in Ray Bradbury's Something Wicked This Way Comes (1962), which DOES seem reliable and close enough to what I'm talking about

Apparently the 1974 Amityville murders happened at 3 AM, and of course that house had a highly public (probably faked) haunting. So that could have contributed

I haven't yet found anything earlier than that Bradbury reference that SPECIFICALLY mentions 3 AM as a time when scary and/or supernatural things happen, WITH ACTUAL SOURCES

Interestingly, the Bradbury quote doesn't seem to refer back to an existing cultural belief in the idea of Evil 3 AM(TM). rather it's framed as the narrator's personal feelings around that particular time of night:

"Oh God, midnight’s not bad, you wake and go back to sleep, one or two’s not bad, you toss but sleep again. Five or six in the morning, there’s hope, for dawn’s just under the horizon. But three, now, Christ, three A.M.! Doctors say the body’s at low tide then. The soul is out. The blood moves slow. You’re the nearest to dead you’ll ever be save dying. Sleep is a patch of death, but three in the morn, full wide-eyed staring, is living death! You dream with your eyes open. God, if you had strength to rouse up, you’d slaughter your half-dreams ... And wasn’t it true, had he read somewhere, more people in hospitals die at 3 A.M. than at any other time." [I can't find any credible studies of this, for the record]

so it seems like the seeds of the idea were floating around in the cultural consciousness for a long time, between unspecified Witching Hours and the Hour of the Ox curses and this probably erroneous but popular belief that most people who die in hospitals do so at 3 AM. but as for the very strictly-defined notion that Supernatural Things Are Most Likely To Happen At 3 AM...the earliest anecdotal reference I saw to someone having heard that was from the 1980s, and it doesn't seem to have really entered the zeitgeist with force until the late 2000s, earliest

unless someone shows me a source on something earlier, that's what I'm going with

which leaves my takeaway, as a paranormal believer, being: there's nothing supernaturally special about 3 AM, unless it has individual significance to a specific entity or haunting (ie residual apparition of an event that took place at that time). it's something people came up with for interesting fiction, as a fresh take on the longstanding western idea that the Witching Hour is midnight, and not even that long ago

#paranormal #folklore #ghosts #hauntings #urban legends #of course I also don't think there's anything supernaturally significant about ANY particular time of day across the board #my most recent ghost encounter was at approx. 4:50 PM (near the end of my work shift which is why I remember it)#I've had them at midnight and I've had them around 8 PM and I've had them at 9-ish in the morning #and everything in between #my working theory is that more things seem to happen at night because you're less likely to have other distractions at night and thus #more likely to notice anomalies that you otherwise wouldn't

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snazzynacho · 3 months ago

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NSFW ALPHABET W/ GETA

🔞 Read on ao3. Masterlist. Words: 1.5k

Part 1 (Caracalla’s NSFW alphabet here!)

Fandom: Gladiator ii. Pairing: Geta x you/reader (I’ve written versions for afab and amab here)

Warnings/tags: 18+ Referenced smut, Double Vaginal Penetration, Double Anal Penetration, Double Penetration, Sensation Play, Foot Fetish, Foot Jobs, Established Relationship, Penis In Vagina Sex, Anal Sex, Orgasm Edging, Oral Sex.

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Very loving and caring

If you have the energy, he’ll take you to his emperor’s bath and you can both relax there together or go for round two or three!

B = Body Part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partners)

Ass, for sure.

And hips and thighs. Giving you head and feeling your plump thighs around his head is wildly arousing

He loves to bend you over to have sex so he can slap your ass and grab at your hips

He still likes breasts, if you have them, but he’s an ass guy

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum, basically)

He loves cumming inside of you, even if it means that you can produce an heir or not

Just knowing that his seed is inside of you is enough

So I guess this means he has a breeding kink hehe

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Foot fetish…

He'd catch himself fantasising about receiving a footjob from you. At first, he feels shame, and embarrassment

But the more he noticed himself envisioning it, he realised he's Emperor and if he wanted a footjob from his spouse then so be it

That didn't stop the anxiety emerging when he finally brought it up to you during sex. He immediately regretted it when he saw the look on your face. Pure shock. He was about to profusely beg you to forget him even mentioning it but then he saw you smirk, thinking you were about to make a mockery of him, of your Emperor.

That was until he felt your feet touch the area he wanted them to touch the most.

He came within a few minutes with only the touch of your toes gliding along his tip, spreading the pre-cum around his perfect mushroom head, and your feet rubbing along his length again and again.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

He’s had his fair few of concubines and I’d say he picked up from them what would make you feel the most pleasure and he’d always be open to any direction/advice from you

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying)

Missionary, and cowgirl. He'd want to see you fully. It is romantic.

Betty Rocker Position. We already established he has a foot fetish and this position he loves because it involves him lying down on his back and you lying down on top of him, facing towards the bed and in the opposite direction. This means you can then remain on your knees or stretch out your legs, putting your feet right by his mouth so he can nibble and suckle on your toes. ;)

He is a switch so he’d like it when you act dominant while he’s still on top. For example, you giving him instructions, pinching his nipples, and directing his mouth to your tits.

He’d like to be on top most of the time but he since he is a switch so also side-fucking in bed, Lotus position (bonus points if you grab the hair at the back of his head, at the roots and pull it down, exposing his neck to start kissing, licking and sucking it🤭 He’ll moan and cum so fast), and sometimes Man Missionary position.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment? Are they humorous? etc.)

Very serious. Not that he’s been a prude his whole life, but this is an act between him and you, his marital partner. It is important to him and sacred.

H = Hair (How well-groomed are they? Does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Unlike his brother he’d be fully waxed as that was expected in Roman times

He’d be very meticulous since he desperately seeks validation

It makes his already large cock look bigger...

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment? Romantic or rough/dirty.)

Most of the time he’d be romantic but it’s fun being rough sometimes especially if he’s had a stressful time

J = Jack off (Do they masturbate and how often)

He’d try to hold off from masturbating, wanting to make love with you instead

But if he was really desperate, he would do it

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Blood. Just like his brother, he’s rather fond of bloodshed. So, he’d probably try to draw blood by biting your lip hard

He doesn’t get turned on by blood like Caracalla, per-say, but he wouldn’t mind period sex.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

Somewhere private like your bed chamber. I don’t see him doing it anywhere else because he wants it to be a private thing between the two of you, unless he’s desperate

He’ll grab and grope you in public, especially at one of his dinners/parties when he’s usually had a few drinks, but actual sex? That would be a private occasion

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Anything, really.

You doing your hair/makeup, wearing your favourite clothes (toga/Stola), adorning yourself in the grand jewellery he gifted you, watching you stop to admire the magnificence of the statues and sniff the pretty flowers in the imperial garden, when you’re happy and laughing…etc

Giving each other massages (especially him giving you a foot massage)

He just loves you

N = No (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Like his brother, he probably wouldn’t like violent BDSM or scat

Piss. Caracalla is the real dirty one haha

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He's a bit selfish so he'd have a preference in receiving but this does not mean he would never go down on you

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Fast when he wants to be or slow when that will give you the most pleasure

But usually slow and sensual because sex is romantic to him especially with you, his spouse

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

It’s not his favourite because he likes sex to be sensual and take time with it

But, for example, if the senates or his brother have stressed him out and you’re there…he may take you to another room and let his worries and stress allllll outttt

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment? Do they take risks? Like to try new things etc.)

It depends

If it’s to do with violent BDSM or something alike, then no

If it’s something light BDSM, he might give it a go, if you really want it

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for? How long do they last?)

Geta lasts an average amount of time, sometimes longer, to give you the most pleasure

Oh, he can go for a few rounds, for sure 🫣

T = Toys (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?

Since dildos would be the only toy they’d probably have in the Roman era, I don’t think he’d like it being used on him like pegging.

But on you, if you want it? Of course

If you have a vagina, he’d have his cock inside your sopping cunt and a dildo in your ass—double penetrating you😁

If you have a cock, he’ll be shoving the dildo down your throat while he fucks your ass, feeling the way you clench and squirm <3

Or he’d have both his cock and the dildo inside of your ass/cunt

U = Unfair (How much they like to tease)

He’d loooove to edge you

He actually has the patience to do that, unlike Caracalla

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

I feel like he’d try and be quiet but groans would definitely escape lol

W = Wild Card (A random headcanon for the character)

Geta likes sensation play

Since he wouldn’t do violent BDSM, light BDSM like sensation play is a great way he can introduce different sensations while he edges you (he’d definitely tickle your feet just to be extra annoying)

He loves watching you squirm, whine and scream

X = X-ray (Let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Bro is HUNG asf

Perfect mushroom tip🫣 👅

As I said before, he’d probably be waxed down there since that was expected but if you explain that you don’t mind hair, or that you even prefer it, for pleasurable purposes (his pubes rubbing against your clit during sex👀) or aesthetic purposes, he might like the idea of not having to wax (he will still wax his legs though 💅)

Besides, no one will know, apart from you!

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

I’d say it’s average. Sometimes it’s high, sometimes it’s low.

But most of the time it’s pretty average

Z = Zzz (How quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He definitely tries to stay awake for as long as possible so he can admire you and cuddle you all night

He refuses to be anything but the big spoon

A/N: I struggled with writing this one more than the Caracalla one so I apologise if it’s not good <3

#snazzynacho fanfics #gladiator 2 #gladiator ii #emperor geta #geta x reader #geta x you #emperor geta smut #geta smut #smut #emperor geta fanfic #emperor geta x reader #emperor geta x you #emperor geta x female reader

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achilles-rage · 5 months ago

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For Buck: 7) finding a somewhat private area at a fancy party to fuck (coat closet, empty office, secluded corner on the big balcony, hedge maze if we wanna get dramatic, etc)

i love this prompt!! i'm so excited to write it<33

number 7 from this post: "finding a somewhat private area at a fancy party to fuck (coat closet, empty office, secluded corner on the big balcony, hedge maze if we wanna get dramatic, etc)"

you're standing at the front of the room, holding your small glass of champagne between your hands as you look out at the crowd.

your father does these parties often; says they "help bring in more business." as one of the most important and rich men in the city, this is extremely important to him.

you're dressed in a long, silk dress, the perfect colour to match both your skin tone and your eyes, and your makeup is perfectly done.

you've never found these parties even remotely interesting, but at least there's good food and lots to drink.

when buck walks up to you with a smirk, you're slightly stunned. people usually come to these parties for your father, not for you.

"nice party." he says, letting his eyes travel down your plush figure, drinking in all your dips and curves on display in your dress.

you smile, nodding slightly. "yeah, i guess it is."

you're not sure how your conversation led to buck dragging you to the balcony that had been deemed off limits to the rest of the guests and pushing your dress up around your waist, but here you are, his hips thrusting into you at a relentless pace.

"wonder what your father would say if he saw you right now? taking my cock so well." he rasps into your ear, pushing your back harder against the wall as he holds one of your legs up to rest on his hip.

the only reason your father had invited buck was because he had been called to your father's work for a small fire, and your father had felt extremely grateful that nothing was damaged too badly.

"i think he'd probably kill you." you whimper, nails digging into the fabric covering his broad back as his fingers come down to lazily circle your clit.

"then we'd better be quick, shouldn't we?" he says in a teasing voice, his hips slamming into your as the head of his cock taps your cervix.

all you can do is nod in response, and you tilt your head back as he lowers his head to nip and suck at your neck.

you both fall over the edge quickly; the added risk of being caught adding to the pleasure. since this balcony is technically off limits to partygoers, you both know the only person that could possibly catch you is your father, and this has buck feeling animalistic as he fucks into your needy pussy.

he makes sure you cum first, rubbing at your clit sloppily until you're clenching around his cock and cumming with a loud whimper.

"where do you want it?" he asks in a low voice, and you look up at him in a daze, trying to focus on his words.

after a moment, you push him away, then drop to your knees and stick your tongue out.

he lets out a muffled moan as he begins to fist his cock, hit bottom lip firmly held between his teeth as he takes in the sight of your waiting for his seed so eagerly.

it doesn't take long until he's cumming on your tongue, watching you with cloudy eyes as you greedily swallow every drop of his release.

when you finally stand up and pull your dress back down, he smiles lazily, lifting a thumb up to wipe a bead of cum from the edge of your mouth and then bringing it to the centre of your lips. you lick his thumb clean with a soft hum, then give him a soft smile before bringing him in for a chaste kiss.

"we should probably go back inside before my father notices i'm gone." you whisper.

he nods, not wanting to let you go.

"yeah, we better go."

#911 abc #evan buckley #evan buckley headcanon #evan buckley x plus size!reader #evan buckley x plus size reader #evan buckley x reader #asks #💌🫶🏻

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bloodyhellgranger · 11 days ago

Text

When did Spike and Buffy fall in love?

So I typed this rambling to answer a question someone posted elsewhere and thought I might as well share it here too. Again, it's not the most organized or coherent post. ----------

Spike was ATTRACTED to Buffy from the beginning. There are multiple layers to this...

He is drawn to slayers because they represent death and glory to him.

She (and other slayers) are the only ones who could give him the exhilarating fights he craves for.

She was pretty, smart, resourceful and different.

But he fell in love with her gradually throughout the series. The seeds were planted in Becoming Pt. 2 which is why Dru could see her in him (either presently or in the future) but it was mostly still attraction (Who are You when Faith was in her body, Superstar when he was still obviously fixating on her when the rest were idolizing Jonathan), even when he dreamed about them having sex. But the more he saw her, really took notice of her and saw her heart, he fell in love. (Think of Family where she stood up for Tara, think of Fool for Love where she showed vulnerability about her mother, and everything adding up for him even the fact that she took pity and helped him in S4 etc). So I can't pinpoint a moment but it was in the first half of S5 when he actually fell in love.

Buffy is even harder to pinpoint because she represses her feelings by nature and doesn't share them a lot. But I think there was lowkey attraction from the beginning, even just in the recognition that he was different from every villain she's ever encountered. She complained about how her enemies couldn't appreciate her quips and puns but here was Spike, bantering with her back and forth with a sexually charged energy. There was an unconscious acknowledgement of his difference and significance - she seemed to implicitly trust him in a lot of matters, even when it didn't make sense. For Buffy's feelings we have to read a lot of subtext and accept that we had little insight to her REAL thoughts and feelings.

She let him go in the Bronze alleyway.

She offered to fight without weapons - which was pretty insane, since she couldn't kill him without one. But she actually dropped her weapon when he did.

In Lie to Me she knew Dru meant everything to him even with the little information she had of their relationship. She put all her eggs in one basket by threatening her. And she was right, he let everyone go to save Dru. And she honored their deal and didn't dust Dru.

In Becoming Pt. 2, she kept eyeing him up. Partly to figure out his motives but also because she was seeing him differently. You can see her trust again when she communicated with him with her eyes when Joyce arrived, and how she just trusted him not to out her to her mother and go along with her excuse. And how she trusted him to be with Joyce in the other room. Again, these instances of trust are huge - he was unchipped and known to be evil. So there was something in him that made her regard and treat him differently than other villains.

Lovers Walk - they fought together, bickered and had more chemistry even when Angel was there. He could also read her like a book and called them out for hiding their feelings. And then, one of the first instances of Buffy realizing Spike could see through her, she includes him in her speech to Angel and mentions she could hide from everyone except herself and Spike.

It's telling that the next time he shows up, they act like awkward exes and sized each other's dates up and again, bickered. Even Parker was confused and thought they were exes. Again Spike showed he had the uncanny ability to read her, and attacked her with words that really hurt.

Season 4 can be summed up by Buffy again helping Spike out and not killing him over and over. And flirting with him. And realizing they had chemistry when they were under the spell. Notice how in Superstar you could also see her attraction when Spike was carressing her face. Yes, they were under a spell but the spell didn't make her attracted to Spike.

And then there's Season 5 where she showed time and time again that she trusted him even when she kept saying she didn't. How many times did she approach him for help and trust him with her family? Every time Spike did something unexpected it gradually added to whatever trust and positive feelings she had that she wouldn't admit. When she and Riley argued about his strength and how she wanted someone strong, she brought up SPIKE of all people and said if she wanted someone Superpowered she would date Spike (newsflash: she did want someone like that lol). She allowed him to comfort her in Fool for Love. She could have eventually staked him for bringing a shotgun and obviously planning to shoot her. In the same episode when she told him she would NEVER trust him, she took his mother and sister to him for protection and didn't even offer money - she just KNEW he would keep them safe. He challenged her in a lot of ways too and called her out when she kept using him as a punching bag when she was really angry about herself - like when Dawn went to him in Blood Ties and they found out she was the key, and she was angry at him but realized he was right. And the fact that Spike trying to kill her multiple times did not get him disinvited from her house for YEARS but the moment she found out he was in love with her, it wigged her out to the point that she finally did it. When he allowed himself to be tortured for her and her sister, she KISSED him. It was instinct. It was something her body and heart told her to do. When earlier that episode she was afraid she couldn't feel anything anymore, he TOUCHED her heart enough to get that reaction. And then started really leaning on him and trusting him more after that, and he was the one she asked to protect Dawn in the finale because she knew he would die trying. So I'd say her feelings really started in Intervention but she was already attracted and drawn to him prior to that.

But love.. is even more difficult to pinpoint lol. He made her feel alive in S6 despite the toxicity of their relationship. She kept denying she loved him but was hurt and jealous when he was with other women. She was even affected when she found out he left town. Again it's just very complicated because even if she did love him, she couldn't allow herself to because of who he was and because she was depressed and couldn't really love and didn't want to be loved.

So I'd say she tried not to love him in S6 but was starting to and she actually allowed herself to love him in S7 which you can see in her actions.

#spuffy #spike btvs #spike #buffy summers #buffy #buffy btvs #spike and buffy #btvs #buffy the vampire slayer #i'll probably write a more comprehensive post in the future with more of a breakdown but this is all my energy will allow now

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wintersoulwitch · 4 months ago

Text

Stage/Fright report

Spoilers spoilers spoilers

Here are my observations and impressions and as many details as I can remember after my first viewing of Stage/Fright. All written up while waiting for my train home, so pardon any inconsistent grammar etc etc

Right holy shit that was so For The Fans it’s not even funny - yet also entertaining enough for people who had never watched the show which is a hard balance to pull off (but if anyone can rise to a challenge like that, it’s Pembersmith)

First of all I was so chuffed that they started with material from the ‘theatre audience’ unfilmed episode (whoo, one of my predictions!) And the fact that it was Hamlet - nice TLOG nod.

Reece and Steve both looked amazing in this first section. Reece didn’t have a wig and was in an unfussy shirt/jumper/blazer combo. I was in the front row so I was taking the opportunity to soak it up.

And Steve looked great as well! Like, I personally think Steve’s best IN9 looks are Sphinx & Trolley Problem so what I’m saying is: Silver Fox. And in this section he has a thick white wig and a blue jacket that sets off his colouring very nicely indeed.

The story was great - some classic Pembersmith comedy dialogue with malapropisms (“I don’t want him to have a prophylactic shock”) and the whole Reece-as-uptight-Englishman-growing-increasingly-irate-at-ill-mannered-people-around-him

(Also, descriptions of the two actors on stage: “One of them’s rather pudgy, like Uncle Gerald. The other one looks like a homosexual” 🤔)

Steve was so funny as a loud, boorish businessman talking on the phone, texting and using his laptop during the play. There was a nice visual gag where Steve was using speech-to-text and the text messages were projected on a mesh at the front of the stage, but everything was mangled eg “Hope that’s OK” being rendered as “Ho that’s so gay.”

And then - murder!

Reece goes on a little murder spree - poisoning an old man with peanuts (his deathly allergy having already been seeded), pouring water over Steve’s laptop charger so he’s electrocuted, and smashing a noisy woman round the head with a metal canteen.

The sketch ends with Reece saying “Ladies and gentlemen may I remind you you’re in a theatre - no coughing, no eating and no mobile phones.”

Omg the violinists! There were live violinists playing an extended version of the IN9 theme song - each standing in a box either side of the stage. They were dramatically lit so that they cast long shadows which melded with shadows and dust projected onto the stage curtain.

After that, Reece and Steve came to the front of the stage as themselves and welcomed us to the show with some banter

Reece: The beautiful Wyndham’s Theatre which we believe is haunted

Steve: Well - YOU believe it’s haunted. I think it’s bollocks.

Ok so we set up the tension of Team Believer vs Team Skeptic. Reece explains that the scene we’ve just watched was a true story. During a production of Hamlet the theatregoer Mr Dowling had been taken over by ‘a strange presence.’

Steve: He then ran into the grand circle and tried to toss himself off. Another thing which is forbidden by the theatre management

(Ushers hold up “no masturbating” signs)

Steve says that grief can do funny things to the brain and make you see things that aren’t there…

Reece talks about ‘la Terreur de l’asile’ Terror at the Asylum. The lead actress was accidentally killed on stage, and her ghost - Bloody Belle - haunts the stage and so Wyndham’s is a cursed theatre, where terrible people things happen.

Steve: And anyone who saw Kenneth Branagh’s King Lear here a couple of years ago will know exactly what we mean.

They introduce ‘the ghost light’ - which you keep on stage when the theatre is empty. Either to appease the spirits or to keep them away.

Steve suggests that maybe Mr Dowling saw his late wife’s ghost on stage instead of Hamlet’s father. “For what is a ghost but a memory? A way of keeping a loved one’s memory alive? Maybe every ghost story is really just a love story.”

Reece then tries to sneak off stage for a costume change, Steve was supposed to have ‘written something funny’ to cover it and not draw attention to him leaving.

Steve vamps for a bit and gets the audience to chant “Bloody Belle” three times to summon her to prove that the superstition is bollocks. He then says that seat F9 in the stalls is haunted and a spotlight appears (poor member of the public in that seat, ha)

I thought BCDR would be referenced and I actually rewatched it the night before the show so that it was fresh in my memory. Well. What I didn’t expect was that they would PERFORM THE WHOLE FREAKING EPISODE LIVE IN FRONT OF ME. WTF LADS.

As soon as the opening music started I recognised it instantly and was like “Ohhhh!” I thought we would get a short scene but it just kept going!

It was an interesting experience to see the episode played out live - the whole communal thing, the way jokes are funnier in a crowd. Normally I watch IN9 on my laptop sitting on my bed all by myself so it was nice to share it!

I won’t go over the whole thing beat by beat. But some things I noticed…

- The cups! They had the blue and yellow cups!

- When Len makes the tea I don’t think he put whiskey in his cup, he drank from a hip flask and Tommy didn’t see

- Len’s mime bit with his arm in the coat was more developed. Early on Len holds up his hand and points to a (n imaginary) wedding ring. The fake figure is much more aggressive with Len, grabbing his face for a snog

- I noticed the mime arm was wearing a big sparkly ring, which reappears later in the show

- The “Drake and Shelby” / “Shelby and Drake” bit goes on longer, which definitely made it funnier.

- When Len did the spit take at the end of the vent sketch I was really worried that I was going to get sprayed. (I did not get sprayed)

- Joe Pasquale ‘he’s 63!’

- The wall for Brown Bottles has ‘Thatcher Out!’ graffiti’d on it

- The Brown Bottles music is different from the one in the TV show - it’s the traditional 10 brown bottles song rather than the similar-but-distinct version, which I’m assuming was some sort of rights issue?

- They didn’t reinstate the cut dialogue (i’ve always loved you…)

- Bernie Clifton’s dressing room is retconned to have taken place at the Wyndham’s rather than the Glasgow Pavilion

- Omg the ‘you nearly died Len’ was absolutely heartstopping, and the way Reece delivered Tommy’s rant was quite different but so passionate

- When Tommy’s talking about Angry Tomato and says he has 100 people working under him, Len says ‘doesn’t that tickle?’ And fucking gooses him! Like full on slap on the arse.

- They had the same Cheese and Crackers playbill and flyer as in the episode.

- On the back of the order of service for Len’s funeral there’s the photo from Steve’s graduation from Bretton Hall.

Then there was a play-within-a-play moment, with ‘Len’ and ‘Tommy’ acting out a sketch about kidnappers that Len had written… but when it started some familiar music played… Rachmaninoff’s Piano Concerti No. 2? It’s A Quiet Night In! (Except I have watched Dead Line way more times than A Quiet Night In, so my brain was adding in the distortion and ghosts)

Tommy reads out the stage directions, which are projected onto the curtain as the set is changed, and we get a sketch that is… A Quiet Night In, the Cheese and Crackers version! Ish. So we have Steve-as-Len-as-Eddie and Reece-as-Tommy-as-Ray, in the black burglar outfits.

So cool to see more of Cheese and Crackers in action! Maybe this is the kind of thing that they had in their TV series? It was really interesting to see Tommy get to be a comedic force in his own right, delivering jokes rather than just setting them up for Len as the straight man. Len did much more clowning (and was definitely sliding into Barry Baggs - to the point where I wondered if we were going to get a Lisgoe-belt-whipping moment)

They brought on their kidnap victim… someone in a paisley dressing gown and a pillowcase on his head. And they were doing charades for the person’s name… Cave-in… Held on… Kevin… wait, what? The Actor Kevin Eldon!!!! My hands flew to my mouth and I let out a scream I was SO delighted. And even more delighted that Steve continuously referred to him as The Actor Kevin Eldon (as is only right and proper! And namedropped Fist of Fun. Only thing that would have made the cook’d and bomb’d forum of my soul happier would have been a reference to a weak lemon drink.) And then I realised that another of my predictions had come true - the kidnap victim is played by a different celebrity each show. Surely a Mark Gatiss appearance is on the cards???

There were references to other episodes scattered throughout… there was a hare statue at the side of the stage, the wardrobe from Sardines, which contained a single black man’s shoe (Diddle Diddle Dumpling), a bit with the number 6 turning upside down to show a number 9 (Once Removed), the use of cockney rhyming slang (Mother’s Ruin), and the house itself is on Mulberry Close.

Something that stood out to me was the different tone of the ending. When Miranda Hennessy came in I didn’t realise she was meant to be Leanne - she seemed like a stranger to Tommy. And the hug at the end was more distant than the hug between Sian and Reece in the ep. You know - the way Tommy holds back at first and then closes his eyes and leans into the hug, and you get this sense of the connection between them? At the end of the ep I felt like Leanne and Tommy might stay in touch and (re)build a relationship, but this time I felt like Tommy was gonna disappear back to France and never look back.

Then instead of ending on Tears of Laughter it goes spoOoOoky, with the lights cutting out and the ghost light appearing on stage, some eerie crackling noises and Tommy looking into the dark calling “Len?”

Then there was a jumpscare and time for the interval.

I stood in a ridiculously slow moving queue and talked to/eavesdropped on conversations - some people were hardcore fans and some had been brought along by partners (“I’ve only watched two episodes of Inside Number 9 and they were both very scary, so I wasn’t expecting it to be so funny” and “I’ve never watched it, I don’t like the League of Gentlemen but my boyfriend does”). Limmy was in the audience tonight and I think I spotted Helen Zaltzmann as well.

The violinists were back for the start of the second half. This time there was a projection of an imposing pair of gates and a 1920s style black and white horror film titles of ‘La Terreur de l’asile / Terror at the Asylum.

Ok so this is the story that Reece and Steve mentioned at the top of the show! Miranda Hennessy and Anna Francolini are a prospective patient (Suzette) and a nurse at Dr Goudron’s asylum. Suzette is dressed in a flapper-ish style with bobbed hair and carries a large green hatbox. She’s wearing the large sparkly ring that the mime was wearing in BCDR.

The nurse has that vintage creepy nun-style nurse uniform with a big white headdress, and strangely pink skin all around her eyes and cheeks. The set has a barber’s chair covered in a sheet (which twitched as if to suggest someone was already sitting in it), there was a bloody saw on the wall and shelves with jars containing various fluids and lumps (Love is a Stranger ref?)

Reece comes on playing a mad scientist type, with a mallen streak and a twirly moustache. He was obviously revelling in it, doing some scenery chewing with lines like “What’s to be gained if they won’t stay awake while I operate on them?” and “I ate them! I ate them up! He sees inside me! He sees everything inside me!”

Reece also performed some of The Elements Song! So random but I loved it.

Turns out that Reece’s character Hugo is an inmate at the asylum, not Dr Goudron at all! The real Dr Goudron - Steve in a white lab coat, coiffed brown wig, and painted on eyebags - appears and Hugo is taken away.

Steve does a turn as a slimy, predatory doctor (Trolley Problem and indeed Sphinx echoes) and recommends trepanation to fix the young woman’s migraines.

Steve: With my methods you won’t feel a thing…

He reveals a bit more detail about his wife’s Unfortunate Demise. (“Her head was never found…” dramatic spotlight on the hatbox)

Then Reece returns, this time being pushed in an old-fashioned wheelchair. Dr Goudron explains that he conducts anaesthesia free surgery through deep hypnosis. He hypnotises Hugo (“I have complete control over his mind and body”), and states that while he’s in the trance he can feel no pain. He demonstrates this by taking a scalpel and slicing Hugo’s face, making it bleed (like Devil of Winter- no, wait, that’s not Inside No 9)

Goudron then asks the nurse to fetch the bonesaw, and asks Hugo to amputate his own left leg below the knee. We’re then treated to the sight of Reece hacking through his own leg and removing it. (I could see his real leg within the chair but it I imagine the illusion looked quite convincing for people further back). He’s then brought out of the trance and we get some patented Reece-in-agonising-pain screams and he’s wheeled away to have the wound cauterised.

Suzette tries to leave and Evil Steve is unleashed.

Suzette: If i could just change back into my clothes…

Steve: No. I’m afraid that won’t be possible.

Suzette: You ravaged her???

Steve: Well as much as one can ever ravage a creature in such a catatonic state… As you will soon find out my dear, after your own surgery has been completed

Things begin to escalate, Dr Goudron reveals he murdered his wife after she caught him ‘in a compromising position’ with a catatonic inmate. Suzette threatens to douse her own face in acid, instead throwing it at the nurse’s face. There’s some nicely gory sfx makeup as half the nurse’s face melts and her eyeball sticks to her hand and comes away, still attached to the optic nerve.

But then! Gaby French appears in an usher’s uniform bearing a coffee order.

Turns out everything we’ve just seen is a rehearsal for a stage play - a performance of Terror at the Asylum to be held at the Wyndham’s. Reece’s character is Markus the Director who berates Gaby’s character Abbie from Front of House for destroying all the tension they’ve built up.

Turns out that the lead is a pop star, Sherry. Steve’s character is Vince, the leading man and a classically trained actor (who likes to do the Guardian Cryptic - Sphinx). He’s frustrated that a leading role in the West End has gone to Sherry, “some bimbo from a girl band”

Reece: It’s not about your CV any more, it’s about how many followers you have on Instagram

Sherry and Abbie have a chat. Sherry has an upcoming audition for series 2 of ‘that Divine Comedy Thing on Amazon’ and if she gets it she’ll have some good scenes with Tim Key (Simon Says/Plodding On).

Abbie reveals that she doesn’t get many auditions - Sherry thinks that’s weird cos she gets “loads” and she’s “not even an actress! Haha!” Some of R&S’s feelings about stunt casting coming through, hmm? Sherry recommends Abbie asks Markus if she can understudy her.

Markus goes through his notes for the actors. There’s some funny bits about bad acting and method acting and fragile egos (Markus’ notes to himself are simply ‘two ticks.’)

The stage is then deconstructed, the naturalistic doctor’s office breaking into modular units and a huge LED screen lifting up. One of the actors comes on with a Steadicam. We’ve gone from early 20th century horror to the cutting edge of digital tech.

Reece: We illuminate the present as well as the past

Steve: But it’s so hackneyed now, you can’t walk down Shaftesbury Avenue without bumping into some cunt with a camcorder filming actors mincing out of the stage door

The steadicam gives a closeup of Sherry, her face is shown in greyscale on the huge screen. They’re going to rehearse the trepanning scene. Everyone acts even more expressionistically and hammy than before with maniacal devilish laughter etc etc. Eventually Markus halts the proceedings and says they need “a gear shift.”

Markus: Let’s make them wonder if Sherry herself has died!

Sherry lies motionless in the chair… is she dead? There’s a long pause… no she was just practicing her dead face.

Then Steve starts talking in his own voice (not the plummy accent he uses for Vince) about Daniel Day Lewis playing Hamlet and walking off stage because he thought he saw his (dead) father on the stage. And then he gives Reece a long, lingering hug, and walks off stage. There’s a moment… huh, what was that about?… and then we’re back in the fiction of the play.

Abbie tells the ensemble about the legend of Bloody Belle - she was playing the role of Suzette 100 years ago and died on this very stage. The prop drill malfunctioned and a six inch spike was drive into her brain. At this point Abbie is standing in the stalls, leaning on the stage, with the camera pointed at her. The scene is bathed in red now, and some of the faces of people in the front row can be seen (including mine during this performance, whoo)

The theatre is now haunted and if someone sees the ghost they become possessed and someone in the company dies. Sherry is appalled that no one warned her about this and storms off.

(Also the offstage tech is called Kevin - I’m guessing this changes with the name of the celebrity guest?)

Later, Sherry is backstage practicing her audition lines for Ninth Circle. Abbie comes to help her with the self tape. The big screen is used again, this time displaying the view through Abby’s camera. Sherry goes through her lines and suddenly there’s A SHAPE AND MOVEMENT in the background. Abbie freaks out and goes to investigate. They rewind the tape to see if they can spot anything. The sound design during this section is lovely and atmospheric, and reminiscent of Dead Line’s musique concrète chorus of electrical hums and sinister drones.

Abbie disappears and Sherry picks up the camera and goes offstage, down the stairs and into the bowels of the theatre. This whole bit is very Dead Line, with human-like shadows/ghostly apparitions, a POV camera with heavy breathing, and a wander through a server room with metal fences etc etc. I was half expecting Steve to scream “jumpscare!” while wearing a rubber mask. That doesn’t happen - but Sherry finds The Hat Box from earlier. It’s illuminated in a spotlight. She opens the box and inside is… the hare!

Suddenly a severed head is dropped from the rafters and lands on stage. Sherry returns, finds the head, and says “Fuck this shit! I’m not putting up with this!” The tension and the spooky atmosphere continues as Sherry protests that she’s not afraid. But suddenly… here comes Bloody Belle!

Markus’ voice comes over the PA “Well done. Great performance. No notes.”

Bloody Belle is revealed to be Abbie. Markus had cooked up a plan to scare Sherry away and force her to quit the play. Abbie says that Markus is “getting off on this,” he says yeah, this is real drama. And it’s “scarier than the actual play.” Abbie asks why doesn’t he “just stage this”?

Reece: What - a Ghost Story with a pop star in the cast? That’ll never work!

Markus thinks the social media chatter about Sherry quitting the “haunted play” will guarantee a sellout show and an extension to the summer. And he plans to recast her with a “proper actress.” Anyone in mind? Yes… Sheridan Smith!

He offers Abbie the opportunity to understudy for Madame Goudron’s ghost. “A bit of skin work… Speaking of which…”

Oh no, he’s a sleazy predator too. Markus starts stroking Abbie’s arms and suggests she comes back to his place. Abbie snaps his neck and he dies. She looks up to the box and whispers ‘thank you.’ Bloody Belle appears and lets out a shriek!

The end!

The company come out to take their bows. There’s a standing ovation. But hang on. When Reece stood up… he’s not Reece anymore? It’s some other guy in the Markus wig and costume? Huh?

Steve says he wants to apologise for walking out of the scene earlier.

Steve: As you can imagine it’s been a very difficult few days and weeks for us as a company. And for me in particular. You probably know that I recently lost my writing partner - the cheese to my crackers. But also my best friend. We’d written this play together, me and Reece. And it said so much about our love of comedy, our love of ghosts and horror stories, and I suppose the difficulty of saying goodbye to someone. So I wanted to honour him with this production. Toby stepped in, who is Reece’s understudy-

(After scattered laughter throughout the speech, there was a big laugh here as any remaining pennies dropped.)

Steve praises Toby’s performance and reveals that sometimes he looked at Toby on stage and “I just saw Reece.”

Then they project Reece’s favourite photo of himself with the text “Reece Shearsmith 1969-2025” on the LED screen

(A missed opportunity to use Paddington Bear Man Dies.)

OK NOW it’s the end.

The cast leave the stage… but the mics are still on. We can hear Steve talking with some of the cast and crew. He says he’s going back on stage to get his mic pack off. The stage manager tells him not to because they’re moving the lighting rig.

“I just need some space, alright?!” cries Steve, heading back onto the stage as the curtain comes down.

Then there’s a crash and a smash! A scream and worried cries of “Steve!” An ambulance siren…

The curtain comes up, Steve is lying on the stage with a theatre light on the ground by his head. Reece appears, all dressed in white, holding two paper cups of coffee. (Two lattes from Planet Organic?) Steve wakes up.

Reece: Here he is! I got you a coffee. Just like old times, you lying on the floor, pretending to be dead. And now you are dead.

Steve:…Toby?

Reece: No, it’s not fucking Toby!

Steve is dead because he summoned Bloody Belle, and Reece fell through the trapdoor in rehearsals and broke his neck.

(And then i was like - is this why Reece hasn’t posted on BlueSky for a while?? Committing to the bit, will he keep it going for the whole run?)

Steve: I can’t believe the twist is that you were a ghost all along!

Reece: Pathetic. Finally ran out of ideas!

Steve wonders if he’s just had a bump on the head and is hallucinating seeing Reece because he missed him so much.

Reece: Maybe. Like you said - what is a ghost but a memory? Maybe every ghost story is really just a love story.

Now they’re going to spend eternity together haunting the Wyndham’s Theatre!

They have some classic bickering banter, Reece suggests that Jason Manford could play Steve’s part in Stage/Fright. Steve isn’t happy about this but Reece snaps back “at least he’s a name! Who’ve I got? Fucking little Toby!

And they have unfinished business… Bernie Clifton’s Dressing Room. Steve cut Tears of Laughter because he couldn’t perform it without Reece.

Reece: One last stop…

Steve: It’s not a bus is it???

And then… the boys leave the stage, some beautiful scenery with painted clouds come down from the rafters, a painted number 9, tinkly chimey music plays, the rest of the ensemble cast appear dressed in white satin and sparkles and maribou. It’s like a Golden Age of Hollywood song and dance number. Reece and Steve return dressed in matching white top hats and tails, and perform a fully choreographed big band version of Tears of Laughter, with new lyrics like:

“Come and dance with us on Cloud Nine”

The other actors leave, they say they’ll leave the ghost light on for Reece and Steve so they don’t get lonely (Til Death ref?), and then it’s just the two of them left to finish the song. For the final “laughter is my memory of YOU” they point at the audience instead of each other.

And that’s REALLY the end. You have been watching… a memorial service for Inside Number 9, and a celebration of the love between Reece and Steve transcending lifetimes and planes of existence. I wish them a very happy eternity together.

#inside no 9 #stage/fright #spoilers

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