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batsplat · 7 months ago

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Jerez 2006

[It] was certainly within the four walls of that gym, between rep after rep on different muscle groups, that the 'LorenShow' was born. There was a time when only Rossi used to put on a show, but even that has become a rare event. 'Now he only does it on certain occasions,' says Jorge. 'The World Championship was losing a bit of sparkle. Other riders were trying things but they weren't funny, especially in 125cc. There was a time when Melandri tried to imitate Rossi but he never managed to make it as funny.' Jorge had been thinking for a long time about how he could offer his fans something extra after a win. A lot of people saw him as too serious, but he wanted to show that he cared about them, that he enjoyed what he did and that he was affable and good humoured, as well as imaginative. He needed an ingenious plan because he had a clear objective: to celebrate the World Championship title in style. 'We wanted to do it in style, go mad,' recalls Dani Palau. That seemed a long way off, back in the summer of 2006, but once the crises of Turkey, Shanghai and Le Mans were behind him the dream of beating Andrea Dovizioso was alive again.

Strictly speaking, the first episode of the 'LorenShow' was at the Spanish GP in 2006. It was his first victory in the 250cc class and Jorge got off his bike, took off his helmet and started shouting at the fans. 'It was pretty spectacular and it was the first time we used the word "LorenShow",' he recalls. 'Palau and I used to put together a ten-page magazine of our own after each Grand Prix and on the front cover of that particular edition we put a photo of my celebrations and the headline [in English] "Welcome to the LorenShow!" That was awesome, really different. I have always been creative and I fancied doing something special after I won, so I decided to give it a try!' The design of the magazine, by the way, was similar to GQ. 'Well, not similar exactly. We kind of copied it! We were worried about getting into trouble for copying it but I hope they don't hit us with a lawsuit now ... it was only for us!' he laughs.

March 2007

After his victory at Losail Jorge pretended to skip like a boxer, as he'd done for so many hours in the gym with Marcos. It was a spontaneous, intuitive celebration and an early turning point for his season. After such a morale-boosting performance during and after the race, why not celebrate all his victories from now on? 'In Qatar I did the skipping-rope thing but I never thought that in the future I'd be using props to celebrate my victories!' The preparation that went into each episode of 'LorenShow' was a simple but elaborate process. Generally the original idea would come from Jorge and, often with the help of his computer, Palau would fill in the details. It became something of a team effort at Motorsport48, where almost everybody began to join in the fun. Everybody except the boss: Dani Amatriain kept his distance. He didn't like or dislike the celebrations but he preferred to leave them to Jorge as a bit of innocent fun. Out of the blue came another idea, this time from Marcos. Once again, it was an idea born in the gym. 'You are a warrior. You have to reclaim the championship, right? But what kind of a conqueror doesn't have a flag?' Jorge's eyes began to twinkle. 'It has to be something really visual,' Jorge told Palau, taking on the idea. 'Imagine that in each race I stick a flag into the ground, as if I have conquered that land. Like Christopher Columbus when he arrived in America!' The design process was short, with Jorge's X-fuera logo the obvious choice, set on a black background - the colour used by pirates. And written in English, so that it would be understood all over the world, not just in Spain, would be those now famous words: 'Lorenzo's Land'.

The day of its first unfurling soon arrived. It was the Spanish Grand Prix at Jerez, known as 'The Cathedral' by local fans. Dani Palau headed for partisan territory - the section of track that features the 'Angel Nieto' and 'Peluqui' corners, where he would meet his friend if he won the race. 'I had goosebumps. You should have heard the noise from the crowd when Jorge stopped!' he recalls. There were 140,000 people packed into the grandstands at Jerez that day and they had been treated to an outstanding 250cc race: 'la carrera de los cuarenta y dos adelantamientos' ['the race with forty two overtakes']. Jorge Lorenzo savoured the moment. As he had done in 2006, he removed his helmet, got off his bike and punched the air to celebrate his second victory at Jerez. Then the flag appeared by his side. He took it and drove it deep into the gravel. Jerez had been conquered, the first circuit to be claimed as 'Lorenzo's Land'. A few weeks later he won again, in China, and again he planted the flag. However, unlike Jerez, this victory was his first in Shanghai. Nobody was going to stop him now.

"Now what's happening with Lorenzo? Oh, he's going to plant the flag, I think. Here we go! Or he's going to throw the flag. He's going to do something, but, eh... All the script we have in front of us, all the timings, goes out of the window when Lorenzo wins a 250cc race... so you can just, rustle up your papers, any scripts you've got, what's coming up next, disappears, because he delays everything. There we are. Plants the flag..."

Le Mans 2007

Lorenzo, who designs his own logos and comes up with fun things like the pirate flag he sticks in the sand at the circuit where he wins to "announce to everyone" that he has conquered "that land" , says that preparing for these celebrations is just another way of coping with the hard training he does and, above all, having the best time possible. "Looking for ideas for the parties I have at the circuits encourages me to win ," he said yesterday after his excellent victory over Dovizioso.

The Mallorcan, who did not hesitate to admit his mistake on a line and apologize to Dovi for the push he had given him ( "I'm very sorry, I went out too wide on a curve, I wanted to regain verticality too soon, get back on the right line and I crashed into him" ), yesterday came up with nothing better than to dress up his soulmate, Dani Palau, as Jorge Lorenzo, with whom he shares the entertainment of festive designs and games. Palau appeared on the lap of glory and tried to get his two-and-a-half-litre Aprilia and, as they had agreed, Lorenzo told him to go away, that the bike was his and that he was the owner of the winning machine. "We wanted to make a joke, implying that the double, which was him, Dani, represented the Lorenzo who had fallen on Friday and that the real one, that is, myself, was the one who had won the race."

Mugello 2007

Jorge was coming up with more ideas for celebrations than he could use, and that was probably a good thing because some of them would have got him into more trouble than they were worth. Like the one that involved him wearing an Andrea Dovizioso mask. 'We've still got the mask but Andrea would have had to do something really bad to me to warrant getting it out ... though he'd better ‘watch it!' smiles Jorge. Another one that failed to get past the ideas stage was for Valencia, the final race of 2007. Jorge had already claimed the title and, after being criticised all year for using the 'Lorenzo's Land' flag instead of the Spanish one, planned to go completely over the top, using not only the Spanish flag but dressing up' as a bullfighter. Maybe it was a good thing he only managed seventh. The celebrations he did get to use became ever more elaborate and meticulously planned. He would scour the circuit for the best comer, with the best camera angle and the best view for the fans. Jorge had decided that each celebration should have something to do with the country he was in, and in Italy a friend, Jordi Ohva, who worked for Dorna [the commercial and television rights holders for MotoGP] gave him an idea. 'In Italy they've nicknamed you "Spaniard". The commentator on Italian television has started calling you that.''"Spaniard"? Why?''Because you are like a gladiator and that's what they call the main character played by Russell Crowe in the movie Gladiator.' Maximus Decimus Meridius was a Roman general born in Merida, Spain. He lived in the second century and since this was the second year of domination by a Spaniard in the 250cc class then what better way for Lorenzo to celebrate victory in the Italian GP than by dressing up as his namesake? 'In fact, the idea of doing something historical came after watching 300 with Marcos,' explains Jorge, 'We watched the film again with Palau, the three of us talked about it and we decided we wanted to do something related to the Battle of Thermopylae. It was while we were looking for a King Leonidas suit that we came across a Gladiator outfit. That coincided with me finding out what [Italian television commentator] Guido Meda was calling me.' The wheels were quickly put in motion. like any good media relations manager, Pere Gurt sourced an exact replica of the costume worn by Russell Crowe in the film, which was owned by an agency in Madrid. It cost 600 euros a week to rent and the sword was extra. It was kept in a corner of the garage at Mugello, where Dani Palau devoutly guarded it from the inquisitive eyes of journalists who were already wondering what Lorenzo had up his sleeve if he won this one. On race day Palau headed for the comer where they'd agreed to meet if a miracle should happen. Jorge was starting from 20th on the grid, but he still had his sights set on victory. Everybody knows what happened next. On the big screens around the circuit, Palau watched his friend slide into the gravel after colliding with Bautista. He jumped onto his scooter and raced to fetch him, sword, breastplate, helmet, 'Lorenzo's Land' flag and all. The Italian fans spotted the props and, despite Jorge's popularity there, Dani could hear them laughing and shouting insults. The mediocre can be unforgiving when a winner falls from his perch. 'The preparations were perfect, but unfortunately the race wasn't!'

Catalunya 2007

You have to be very confident in your abilities to appear on the starting grid, having previously asked two friends to dress like you, to wait for you at a strategic point during the lap of honour and to take out some guitars so you can emulate your favourite band in front of 112,600 spectators. That was how Jorge Lorenzo celebrated his fifth victory of the season at Montmeló, giving a concert on the track and another one off it, microphone in hand, as a tribute to the Red Hot Chili Peppers and to make up for his fall at Mugello a week ago. This time, the Mallorcan needed two stunt doubles at his side for his performance, and those who dressed as him were Dani Palau, his webmaster and the same one he used at Le Mans, and Ricard Cardús, a CEV driver and Carlos' nephew.

Looking back on his performance, it could be said that the most critical moment was the start, when Thomas Luthi had taken the lead on the first corner. 'Por Fuera' did not back down, he lived up to his nickname and made an epic outside turn. That was the only thing that really cost him, or so it seemed from the sidelines, because he later said that it had been a difficult race. Maybe he said that because he still had in mind the blunder in Italy, that fall on the last corner when Álvaro Bautista overtook him. Whatever the reason, he was exultant and at the end of the podium ceremony he dared to take the speaker's microphone to address the public. "Did you enjoy the show?" he asked from the top of the podium. And he continued: "I know that some of you liked me and others didn't, but I don't care. You are Spanish like me and I love you! Thank you."

The trio completed a recce of Montmelo on Thursday and Friday and performed a rehearsal at the corner of choice, in front of the stadium section. I told them, "When we're playing here, I want you to jump around like the Red Hot Chili Peppers. Go on YouTube, have a look at the videos and learn the dance moves," ' recalls Jorge. 'But the bastards ignored me!' For one magic moment Jorge, Dani and Ricky were no longer Lorenzo, Palau and Cardus. They weren't even three Lorenzos, dancing and singing like maniacs in front of 100,000 people. They were Anthony Kiedis, Flea and John Frusciante. Only Chad Smith was missing on drums, otherwise they would have been the real Chilis. 'I wanted there to be four of us, like the real Chilis, and I was going to ask Ricky's older brother Jordi to join in but there weren't any more leathers in my size. Also, getting a drum kit onto the track would have been a nightmare!'

Donington, Assen, Sachsenring 2007

After Catalunya came the British GP and before travelling there they went to dinner with a racing friend, Xavi Ledesma - the owner of the Fortuna Team hospitality unit and one of Jorge's closest friends in 2005, as well as being the organiser of the Copa Aprilia when he first started racing Xavi told them that the tradition in England was to drink tea in the afternoon. No sooner said than done. They went out and bought a tea tray, complete with teapot, cups and spoons. Palau planned to sit at a table at the Melbourne Loop, dressed as a waiter in a tuxedo and crash helmet. All Jorge had to do was turn up, rest his feet and have a drink. Oh, and win the race. Unfortunately, the final and most crucial part of the plan started to go wrong in the warm-up because, as is well known, rain is as traditional at Donington as tea. Despite the heavy downpour, Jorge produced a great performance - he was having the best wet race of his career. 'Shall I go out or not?' thought Dani halfway through the race. His buddy was running in second place behind Dovizioso. He had to have faith. 'If you have any doubt, something is bound to go wrong,' says Jorge. 'Whenever I have felt sure I would win I have won, but if there has been any kind of doubt I've lost, come second, or something has happened. That is what the brain is like.' And just as Palau made his mind up and went to load up the scooter with props, Jorge hit the deck. That was one cuppa that was hard to swallow. Jorge's next celebration was enjoyed by the Spanish fans, although it was on a Saturday rather than a Sunday. The Dutch are a bit different in everything, even their racing, and since 1949 the TT at Assen has always taken place on a Saturday. Jorge knew exactly what he was going to do if he won. He wanted to copy the thousands of locals by riding a pushbike. They rehearsed their routine at two or three different comers. 'This place is best. How far will you ride the bike? Will you be able to cycle in boots?' Every minute detail was taken care of. 'We'd practised in that area where Valentino sat when he won the MotoGP race, the bit that looks like a target. I was going to leave my Aprilia and the pushbike would be in the middle of the circle. We thought of it before Rossi!' Suddenly, he changed his mind. On his return to the pit garage he realised that there was a stage, all set up right next to the track, because just by the final chicane that leads into the start-finish straight there is a VIP terrace. It was the perfect place - and not only that, there was a television camera directly opposite.

'We could sit down and have a drink,' Jorge told Dani. The fact he'd missed out on his cup of tea at Donington a few days earlier still irked him, so it was all hands on deck. The owners of the terrace had to be consulted and asked for permission. Initially they weren't too keen because there are no fences there and it is easy for people to get out and access pit lane. For that reason, a huge deposit has to be paid to hire the area, which the circuit organisers retain if there are any problems. In the end they realised it was a Lorenzo celebration and they went along with it. This time Jorge backed up his plans with a dominant victory. However, having left his bike propped against the fence before climbing over the tyre wall and on to the terrace, he was swamped by punters taking photographs and the television cameras lost him in the melee. 'On top of that, the bar owner was a complete opportunist and he got a bunch of people to hold up an advertisement! It was a disaster.' Even though not much could be seen on the television, it was clear that Jorge's double had returned and that they'd gone to have a drink together. But why? Jorge was happy to provide the answer in pare ferme. 'After the crash at Donington, somebody [Dovizioso] had suggested I was getting nervous. So I sipped on a herbal tea.' Some time later Dani Palau insisted that the initial idea was to drink a glass of water but, as at Le Mans, Jorge was thinking on his feet and he was eager to hit back at Dovizioso. 'Sometimes that happens to me. I get really good ideas on the spur of the moment. Other times I really have to think things through for them to work out. But sometimes I get a flash of inspiration.'

Jorge finished fourth in Germany but there were no plans for a celebration even if he'd won. He was worried about the joke wearing thin. 'You have to keep people guessing. It is good to have an element of the unexpected. If we did it every time it wouldn't be funny any more. The truth is that I like things to be complete and maybe I would have continued the celebrations race after race but I let them convince me. It was good to have a break.' The summer holidays were approaching and they wanted to leave the fans gagging for more. To be fair, I have to say that I can't always put on a big celebration because I need helpers and Palau didn't come to every race. For the ones outside Europe we had a much smaller group.' There were no celebrations in the Czech Republic either, but this time for a different reason. Nobody at Motorsport48 was in the mood for a party. Dani Amatriain's assistant, Esther Serra, had just lost her brother, Marc. Jorge won but conducted a silent parade of his now obligatory 'Lorenzo's Land' flag in honour of the family. 'The problem with the celebrations is that it gets harder and harder to come up with something original, with meaning, that isn't just plain stupid,' says Jorge. 'Ideas are finite. We had something planned for Portugal but I'd prefer to keep it to myself - I might use it in the future. We also wanted to do something with animals but are they allowed on the track? We planned to get Datil, my mum's dog, a set of made-to-measure leathers but imagine if we brought him out and he had a shit on the track! That'd cause a scene!' Jorge fell about laughing as his imagination took over. 'It's a shame Marcos doesn't come to more races because we could dress him up as Shrek! Ha, ha!'

Misano 2007

From that moment on, Jorge defended his first place, riding alone and maintaining a calm margin over the second, who ended up being the Japanese Aoyama, after first catching his teammate Kallio, who fell next, and then Héctor Barberá, who added his third podium of the year. Lorenzo is now 50 points ahead and celebrated by doing a lap of honour dressed as a Roman gladiator. De Angelis is second after finishing a disappointing fifth in what was his Grand Prix.

Jorge toyed with the idea of wearing his new outfit [the gladiator costume he had been mocked for at Mugello] if he won at the GP of Catalunya but eventually decided that revenge is a dish best served cold and it was better to wait. The season would give him plenty of opportunities to settle the score and the Italian fans would have no choice but to bow down before him like a Roman general. Every great film has unforgettable lines that are often repeated by film buffs. This one from Gladiator suited Jorge down to the ground. My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius . . . commander of the armies of the north . . . general of the Felix Legions . . . loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius . . . father to a murdered son ... husband to a murdered wife ... and I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next. 'What a well-chosen phrase!' Lorenzo must have thought. Italy owed him one and he was going back to collect his dues. It wasn't to be in that first race on Italian soil, but he was determined to get his revenge in the second. He rented the outfit again, waving goodbye to another 600 euros, but this wasn't about the money. This was a question of honour. He didn't know the circuit, because there hadn't been a GP there since 1993, and although he had visited Misano once, when he'd signed for Derbi in 2002, he was only 15 then and not old enough to actually ride. None of that mattered now, because he went out and won. And on top of that, Dovizioso broke down. Jordi Perez and Cheni Martinez raced out onto the track to dress their man. They'd already discussed with Race Direction and the television directors where the best place would be for the celebration in terms of safety and maximum exposure. Jorge didn't want to take the outfit off - not when he stepped on to the podium, or when he sprayed the champagne. He even kept it on for the press conference. He clearly wanted to recoup his investment, but above all he wanted to enjoy the moment. He felt like the king of the world. ' "Now THAT was legendary," Guido Meda told me.' "

Sepang 2007

Dovizioso responded to remain in Lorenzo’s slipstream as the duo were caught by KTM team-mates Hiroshi Aoyama and Mika Kallio, plus Hector Barbera. The five battled until the penultimate lap when Dovizioso’s wafer-thin title hopes were ended as Mika Kallio took him out in an out-braking move. Hiroshi Aoyama inherited the lead and kept it to the flag from Barbera and Lorenzo. As Kallio remounted to finish fourth ahead of Tomas Luthi, Andrea Dovizioso remounted to cross the line eleventh. Meanwhile Jorge Lorenzo was celebrating keeping the 250cc world championship in a boxer’s gold-coloured gown and gloves, and picking up a fake championship belt in parc ferme.

Jorge won his second 250cc World Championship at the Malaysian Grand Prix with one race to spare, to top off an outstanding 2007 season. And what better way to celebrate in style than by looking way back to the very first race of the year in Qatar, when Jorge recovered the 'eye of the tiger'? His antics in 2007 had made him the leading contender for the title of paddock showman left vacant by Valentino Rossi in a season when the Italian had little to celebrate. It's clear by now that Jorge is up for a challenge and a second 250cc World Championship title was enough of an excuse for him to stake his claim, as the leading heavyweight in 'motorshowbusiness'. On this occasion it wasn't actually one of his own ideas, but he made it his own as soon as it left the lips of Marcos Hirsch. Having started the season training like Rocky Balboa and trying to recover the 'eye of the tiger', he took the title in Malaysia (coincidentally a country the famous Italian novelist Emilio Salgari referred to as the 'land of the tigers' ) and there was only one way to celebrate - as the new CHAMPION OF THE WOOOOOORLD! That box in the corner of the garage at Plulhp Island contained a story all of its own. Jorge and Marcos's initial idea was to set up a boxing match between the two of them, in which Jorge would knock Marcos out. The idea was that I had to beat a heavyweight. And boy is he heavy!' laughs Jorge. When I'd dressed as Jorge at Valencia the previous year, the message was that he had grown up,' explains Marcos. 'This time it was a case of demonstrating that he was capable of anything. Even knocking out somebody twice his height and weight, like me!' Another of Jorge's ideas was for Marcos to grow his hair like Don King, the world's most famous boxing promoter. In the end the celebration wasn't exactly as Jorge and Marcos had planned, partly because the Brazilian trainer was unable to make the trip to Malaysia.

The final idea came about after a conversation between Jorge and Marcos after which the 'celebration panel' of Jorge, Dani Palau and Pere Gurt set things in motion. They went on the Internet to download information about the Clint Eastwood film Million Dollar Baby and then researched other famous boxers like Mike Tyson, Evander Holyfield, Oscar De La Eioya and Julio Cesar Chavez. Once they had decided on a look they set about sourcing the outfit. Esther Serra was sent to a fabric shop in Barcelona, which is where they encountered their first setback. They didn't have any gold fabric for the hooded cloak - only black - and if that shop didn't have it, it was difficult to imagine anywhere else that would. But necessity is the mother of invention and somebody suddenly remembered that the covers used to unveil Jorge's Apiilia RSW250 at the start of the season had been gold. Problem solved! Now it was a case of putting the whole outfit together. They'd found a blue cloak in a Barcelona boxing shop, and picked up a gum shield at the same time. There were some fruitless trips to fancy dress shops. It was time to get the family involved... Pere Gurt called his mother, Rosa Casas, and her friend, Carme Armengol. After much protest, which fell on deaf ears, the pair reluctantly accepted the assignment and, as a result, MotoGP ended up with two more avid fans - to the point where they would get up at 5am to watch Jorge race in Australia.

A world championship belt needed to be found at the same time, so the team got in touch with the Spanish Boxing Federation (FEB), who recommended 'Charlie's', a specialist shop in Madrid. Bingo! Not only did they have a belt, they also had a pair of golden gloves. The only problem was that the belt featured the Dutch flag, but Esther wasted no time in having the red, white and blue colours replaced with a logo designed by Dani PalaWeb that read: 'Loren Show II'. In the end Jorge didn't use the gum shield, but there's a little story about that too. When Juan Llansa saw it he said there was no point: 'That is a shit gum shield. You need one made to measure!' Juanito knew what he was talking about - he'd not only seen plenty of riders use them over his 20 years in motorcycle racing, but also his daughter, Zaida Llansa, was the 2001 Kata [a form of martial arts] World Champion. As soon as he landed in Australia he looked on the Internet for a martial arts shop near Phillip Island. He bought the silicone, warmed it in boiling water and made Jorge bite it for a made-to-measure gum shield. Lorenzo still decided not to use it for the celebrations, but Juanito saved it just in case Jorge decided he needed one for MotoGP. 'He never wore one in 125cc and 250cc but I've saved it just in case he really needs to grit his teeth in MotoGP!' Llansa laughed. Everything was prepared as quickly as possible because there wasn't much time. Jorge quickly became impatient: 'Pere, how's the cloak coming along?' 'Don't worry about it.' 'If it's going to be shit just leave it and we'll think of something else.' 'Trust me. I don't doubt your work, so don't doubt mine.' It was almost time to leave and everything was ready. Cheni Martinez picked up the outfit and went to meet Jorge at the Hotel Barcelo-Sants gym in Barcelona for a dress rehearsal. He had to try everything on before leaving for Melbourne. In the car on the way to the airport Jorge received a call. It was Pere. 'How is it?' 'Pffff. It's not that bad.' Pere Gurt hung up with a smile. 'We've done it,' he thought.

The box remained unopened in Australia, of course, but in Malaysia the surprise was unleashed. The hardest-hitting World Champion in racing was about to be crowned and the character of Rocky Balboa represented the strength he'd displayed to overcome his own limitations and fears. Jorge Lorenzo had not only clinched his second world title, he'd proved to himself and to the world that he could do anything, as a rider and as a person. And then he and the clan treated the public to their most memorable celebration yet. His friends, headed by Juanito Llansa, waited for him with the boxer's outfit that Lorenzo wanted to wear to mirror his battling performances on the track that season — the cloak, gloves and belt of a World Champion, made out of gold fabric and with a logo on the back, hand sewn by Pere Gurt's mother and her neighbour. It simply read: Loren Show II. World Champion 2007. The 'Lorenzo's Land' flag had fluttered at seven different circuits during the year, but this time it was the Spanish flag that an emotional Lorenzo drove into Malaysian soil, in the final turn of the Sepang International Circuit. The whole act had been Jorge's tribute to 'the eye of the tiger', the winning attitude of Rocky Balboa that he'd adopted as his own. All the knock-out blows to his rivals during the season had given him just cause for celebration. Celebrations are often forgotten the following day, as soon as the outfits and props have been returned, but not this time. The World Championship gown and gloves will always remain part of Jorge's life.. 'One day I returned home to find that my mother had prepared a surprise. She had redecorated my bedroom and there it was, my gold outfit, hung on the wall, looking magical.' Some people think Jorge Lorenzo is simply copying Valentino Rossi, the originator of post-race victory celebrations, in order to enhance his own image. Others feel that perhaps he takes things too far, or they may view the Lorenzo antics rather more favourably. Jorge will continue to hope they're accepted for what they are: harmless, innocent fun but always with a moral to the 'story'. There's no doubt, though, that he will have something to say if other riders start copying him...

Jorge Lorenzo and 250cc celebrations

Lorenzo is authentic, reject imitations (2007); Shanghai race commentary (2007); A recital by Jorge Lorenzo to forget about Mugello (2007); Lorenzo 'Gladiator' conquers Misano and caresses the title (2007); Sepang MotoGP: Jorge Lorenzo is 2007 250cc GP champion, Hiroshi Aoyama wins race (2007); Jorge Lorenzo: My Story So Far (2010)

#bodied melandri fairs #the biographer also kinda bodied valentino fairs. ntm on his 2007 #my life's goal is to organise an interview with dovi just to see what his face does if i say the word 'lorenshow' to him #genuinely do think the 250cc ones are my favourite jorge titles likeeeee they hit so good i'm telling you. poor poor dovi #the bit where dovi allegedly suggested jorge was getting nervous and jorge reacted in a sane and normal way... cinema. to me #brr brr #//#alien tag #comp tag #morale tag #'like christopher columbus when he arrived in america' JORGE NO #something charming about the biographer saying 'everybody knows what happens next' about the 250cc mugello race in 2007 #a book that knows its insular target audience. like no I didn't actually know off the top of my head but please continue #obviously I have checked but I haven't been able to secure any footage of what this whole gladiator on a scooter situation looked like #okay look I NEEDED to include the presser photos because it's like. the context of What Version of jorge is doing all this #look at him!! he's a kid!! casey and valentino having their whole Thing going on at the same time #that one misano 2007 presser photo is an incredibly rich text if you are an insane person. look at it #casey and dani pointedly ignoring the concept of 250cc in those years I reckon #valentino observing all of this in his peripheral vision and just saying to himself. listen. that's a problem for future me

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eyndr-stories · 2 years ago

Text

I Think I Smell A Rat (FNAF SB fanfic) C5 - Aw, Rats

In Summary:

Being a robotic repair rat who lives in the walls of the pizza-plex is a pretty great gig, all things considered! You fix the wires instead of chew them, and you get into tight spaces those silly humans can't reach and fix things up behind the scenes. You do your little tasks diligently, and all is well. That is, until one night when you realize all of your other repair rat friends have gone missing, and almost all of those animatronics outside the walls are acting strange... You aren't sure what it is that needs fixing, but by golly you'll fix it! You just might need a little help along the way...

Things To Know:

Not a lot of warnings for this one! There is some peril and danger, damage to robots, and damage to. Uh, whatever the heck Afton is at this point??

Reader insert! You're a little rat shaped robot a handful of inches long. Lots of borrower-related themes in here

Daycare attendant centered, though the other animatronics make brief appearances. You hang out with Sun in the first half of the story and Moon in the second half!

A little over 17000 words in total, just a lil guy! 5 chapters, they're all pretty short

I somehow managed not to swear once in the entire story, aw hell yeah! Wait-

Ao3 link: Here!

Start Here: Chapter 1

Chapter 4 | Chapter 5

C5 - Aw, Rats

Without missing a beat, the rats rushed towards you and Moon in one massive wave.

Moon made an alarmed noise and quickly jumped up onto the nearest table. It groaned and bent under his weight, but held. The rats immediately rushed for the table legs, trying to climb up.

You quickly flashed your tail light at Moon. "I can't fix the virus with that bot in the way. Can you keep my friends distracted while I try to shut him down??"

"I can try, but how are you going to get over there??"

You paused, realizing there was only one timely option. You were not at all confidant that you could cross the whole room by yourself without getting lost. Hesitantly, you flashed a reply. "You'll have to throw me."

Moon's face plate snapped down to face you fully. "Did I see that right??"

"There's no time! Throw me now!"

The rats had made it up the legs of the table and were scrambling towards Moon. Moon wound his arm back as he crouched, ready to jump.

Moon threw you, and you went sailing through a dizzying blur of undefinable mess. You could hear the table cracking and collapsing, but you couldn't see where Moon had jumped to. A moment later you crashed, sliding across a surface your pathfinding desperately struggled to make sense of. You ignored the program entirely and forcefully focused on only what you could see.

The computer console was to your left, and above you were the thick cords and bundles of wires stretching from it to the bot sitting to your right. The bot looked surprised to see you, but that surprise was quickly fading. He started to raise an arm, the limb shaking with effort. You had an up close view of the strange mangled combination of machinery and whatever that weird malleable looking purple stuff was.

You moved, ignoring every warning in your mind telling you to stay put and ping for help because obviously you were malfunctioning, your pathfinder was on the fritz and you'd been experiencing the 'out of bounds' error for far too long now. You jumped up onto the wires overhead and gripped them carefully, scrambling across towards the bot.

The bot made a grab at you, but you had plenty of experience at this point dodging grabby hands. You jumped over the hand, using the back of it to kick off and get you the rest of the way to the bot. the wires connected to the bot's back and the back of his head. You considered climbing the wires connecting to his head, but those looked too thin to hold you. You'd likely pull them loose and fall if you tried. And so you climbed to bot himself, finding that the leathery parts of the purple stuff provided decent purchase.

Another hand swiped at you, but it couldn't get close enough. The bot didn't seem mobile enough to reach around to where you were on his back. He seemed to be able to reach above and below though, and he was clawing around blindly, trying to reach you.

You heard another crash across the room, though you couldn't see what Moon was up to from your vantage point. You had to be quick. You needed to get up to the bot's head so you could shut him down, and fast.

The bot started to shake from side to side, trying to throw you off. You slipped, and the bot cried out angrily as your claws tore little gashes through the purple stuff. You landed back on top of the wires connecting into the bot's back, trying to hold on to the metal casing the wires fed into for stability. The bot paused, then swiveled his head to look around at the ground.

It hit you then that the bot couldn't feel you unless you were touching the purple stuff. He was looking to see if you'd fallen off, despite you still clinging to his casing. That meant you had a way up, but you had to be careful. The casing was a lot harder to climb, though it was grimy enough that it wasn't impossible.

You climbed for all you were worth, going as fast as you dared. You made it up to back of the bot's head and paused. This hardware was unfamiliar, and there was an awful lot of unidentifiable purple stuff mixed in with it all. You reasoned your only goal was to shut the bot down, and so you got to work yanking out anything you could get your paws on.

The bot howled and his whole body shook. He tried to grab at you, but you'd been lucky enough to damage something dealing with his spatial calibration, and he missed you. You knew he'd still be able to grab you eventually though, so you hurried, pulling and tearing and clipping wires between your teeth.

You weren't sure which damaged wire it was that sent a horribly overwhelming shock of electricity crashing through you. You hadn't exactly been being careful not to let any wires touch the conductible parts of your casing. For a moment, you could almost physically feel something trying to pry at you. The feeling was strange- you knew you hadn't been grabbed, but you were seized with the sensation of something trying to grab a hold of you none the less.

You suddenly received a warning ping about being off the main network, of all things. You were still in safe mode, having forgotten about it after setting it earlier when you and Sun had thought the virus was on the main network. You dismissed the ping. There was no time for any of that.

You pressed through the aftermath of the shock and kept going, dismissing overcharge warnings and ignoring everything else. You disconnected piece after piece until finally, you pulled something that instantly caused the bot to crumple. You nearly lost your footing, but managed to grab hold of the wires connected to his head. He was silent and still.

There was only a second to rejoice in your success. Moon yelled to you from across the room.

"Any day now, little rat!!"

You looked to see Moon had tipped over another table and was using it to try and sweep back the wave of rats still trying to carry out their task. The rats were disorganized and confused, but they were relentless none the less. You quickly turned back to your own task.

Wasting no time, you scurried back down to the thicker wires and climbed back to the computer console. The casing was already opened, so the bot's wires could be plugged in. You hooked yourself up in no time and started interfacing with the console.

Moon's situation grew more dire by the second as you flew through files, trying to format a new update file from the old one, this time without the virus. You were having a lot of trouble pulling out and deleting the virus itself. Meanwhile, the rats had finally swarmed over Moon's table. Moon looked around desperately, then eyed the door. He jumped up and pulled himself precariously atop the door, managing to balance on it. The door groaned and its old hinges immediately started to bend. The rats struggling to climb up on either side weren't helping matters either. The door began to bend, wood starting to splinter outwards from the hole Moon had torn when he'd ripped out the doorknob.

Finally, you discarded the last of the virus from the files. You queued the virus-free update for upload and set it to the highest priority in the hopes that the rats and everyone else would download the new update immediately. Then there was nothing left you could do but wait, so you quickly disconnected and rushed around the side of the console to see how Moon was faring. The console whirred as it uploaded the folder to the main network, the progress bar inching towards full, pausing briefly at 98%.

Moon yelled as the door finally collapsed under him, and he fell towards a massive heap of robotic rats.

The console chimed as a message appeared on its screen- 'Upload Complete!'

All at once, the rats stilled. This was great news for Moon, who was laying in a pile of rats who'd all been a moment away from pulling him apart piece by piece. The rats all slowly started to move again, shifting around and looking at each other. A few were flashing their tail lights at Moon.

You quickly took yourself out of safe mode and opened up the communication channel you and all the other rats used. You were immediately overwhelmed by an onslaught of pings and messages from all of your friends, all confused and disoriented and struggling to get their pathfinding to work. You might have jumped for joy, if only you weren't so tired. You hadn't charged all night, and your battery was getting really low. You could tell you'd also sustained some minor damage from being tossed around and electrocuted.

You worked on an explanation, trying to keep it brief. As soon as you sent it, you received hundreds more pings and messages, questions and exclamations from your confounded friends.

Moon had managed to get to his feet and was carefully shuffling his way over to you. "You realize that if that had been any closer, all you rats would be stuck down here, right?" Moon grumbled.

"I was going as fast as I could!" You practically fell into Moon's hand when he offered it out to you. "I'm glad you're okay."

"Yeah… you too," Moon mumbled. He studied the rats shuffling around. "Alright you little pests, listen up!"

The rats focused on Moon. You noted several messages asking who this rude bot was.

"I'll lead you all back up into the building. Just follow me. Keep me in sight and stick together," Moon ordered.

You had to assure everyone that Moon really did know the way out, and that he wasn’t actually as mean as he seemed. The rats all gathered together, circling around Moon. Moon carefully made his way to the door, and the rats slowly followed, bumping into each other but managing to follow Moon well enough.

Moon made his way back through the old restaurant, an army of robot rats following close behind. You did your best to answer questions and assure your friends that Moon was trustworthy.

It took many trips and a good deal of climbing up and down on Moon's part, but he managed to get every single rat up through the hole he'd made in the stage, and drop them off back in the main building, safe and sound. Your friends all scurried for the welcome sanctuary of the familiar walls, already pinging each other about tasks and repairs and discussing assigned charging shifts for the future.

You sat with Moon on the stage, next to the hole leading down into what your map assured you was still an empty void.

Moon peered down into the hole. "I'm thinking its probably a bad idea to just leave that guy sitting around down there."

"What do you think we should do?" you asked.

"Disassemble him, just to be safe. We don't want him somehow coming back to cause trouble again."

"How are you going to do that?? I'm not even sure what he's made of, much less how to take it apart."

Moon chuckled and tossed his metal hook from hand to hand. "Don't worry. I have a key."

With that, he jumped back down into the hole one last time.

You didn't have any complaints, honestly. Knowing what that bot had done to your friends, to Sun, to the other animatronics, and what he'd tried to do to Moon, you couldn't say you were all that upset to know he wouldn't be bothering anyone anymore.

Once Moon had finished with his business and returned from the void, you had him put the hook back where he'd found it before making good on your promise to fix the lights for him so he could return to the daycare.

The two of you stood at last in front of the daycare doors, ten minutes to spare until 6.

"I can fix the lights in the daycare for you," you offered.

Moon shook his head. "That's alright, I can control the daycare lights myself." He crouched down, holding you carefully in both hands. He didn't lower you to the ground just yet. "…So uh. Tonight sure has been… interesting."

You nodded. "That's one word for it." You dismissed another low battery warning and focused on Moon. "Thank you for all your help, Moon. I couldn't have done it without you."

"I know you couldn't have." Moon spun his face plate at you and chuckled. "You're very welcome. If you ever need my gracious assistance again, you know where to find me."

"I really need to go recharge, but I'll be back soon. I promised Sun a game, once everything got settled."

"Of course." Moon didn't move to lower you to the ground. He shuffled from side to side, his face plate turned away.

"…I could play a game with you too when I get back, if you want?" you offered.

Moon immediately nodded, then froze and looked away again. "Oh sure, whatever, I guess I could spare some time…"

You would have laughed, if you could. You pat Moon's thumb with a paw. "You've grown fond of me! And to think a few hours ago you were threatening to pull my tail off."

Moon huffed and unceremoniously dropped you on the ground. "Shoo now, tiny terror. Before I decide to pull your tail off after all."

You scampered happily over to the wall port beside the daycare doors. You paused and glanced back at Moon. "…I've grown fond of you too."

Moon tugged his cap down over his face and folded his arms with a huff. You scurried into the walls, leaving Moon behind for now.

You hurried back to your nest at long last, eager not only to finally get some well earned rest, but also to return to your new friends Sun and Moon. You crawled into place on a charging pad sized just for you, next to a few of your other nest mates, all resting off the long night. As you settled into sleep mode, you wondered how many games you might be able to play before the daycare opened for the day. Maybe you could even invite some of your rat friends along, too.

Your internal clock ticked over to 6 AM just as you powered down, and with it, the long night was finally put to rest.

~THE END~

#hehoo posting this early for yall >:D #turns out! you get to play with sun and moon all day because #when the human employees find a giant fuckin hole in the stage leading down to an old restaurant with a professionally disassembled #Afton in it. they close the plex for the day to clean shit up and figure out wtf happened overnight #the security footage provides more questions than answers lmao but the higher ups just shrug and tell the staff to clean shit up and be #ready to open back up tomorrow #good news all around for you!! lmao #anyhoo i hope you enjoyed <3 thanks for reading!#eyndr tells a story #fnaf sb #fnaf sb au #fnaf sb fanfic #fnaf security breach #daycare attendant #security breach #fnaf moon #fnaf sun #fnaf daycare attendant #moondrop #sundrop #fnaf dca #tw violence #fnaf au i think i smell a rat #i think i smell a rat #fnaf y/n

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