#second film was serial mom which was SO fun!!!!!

[halamshirals]

just got back from the drive-in and can i be honest… john waters is the funniest person alive

[pupcake-and-icecream]

Emerald App 2025 Review: Can AI 10X YouTube Income?

Welcome, hustlers and dreamers! If you’re reading this Emerald App Review 2025, chances are you’ve felt the pain of grinding on YouTube. Let’s face it: building a channel today is like running a marathon… in quicksand.

Creating content is exhausting. You spend hours scripting, filming, and editing, only to get 3 views (2 of which are your mom). The algorithm? A fickle beast that buries your videos unless you sacrifice your sanity to trends. And don’t get me started on monetization—ads pay pennies, and sponsors ghost you.

Imagine waking up to another video with single-digit views. Or worse, your “viral” cat video gets flagged for copyright. You’re stuck in a loop: no traffic → no income → no motivation. Meanwhile, faceless channels rake in $349/day with zero effort. How?!

Enter Emerald App—a $17 AI sidekick that promises to automate your YouTube empire. No filming, no editing, no begging for clicks. Just set it up, let the AI work, and watch your channel grow while you nap. Skeptical? So was I… until I saw the results.

What Is Emerald App?

Emerald is an AI-powered YouTube automation tool designed to turn anyone into a passive income pro. Created by Billy Darr (more on him later), it handles:

Automated Channel Creation: Launch a faceless YouTube channel in 60 seconds.

AI Content Generation: Let ChatGPT4 write scripts and stitch videos from 100+ templates.

Traffic Autopilot: Promote videos across 100+ platforms (no ads required).

Monetization Magic: Earn via ads, affiliate links, and $97 AI funnels.

Who Created Emerald App?

A Serial Innovator Billy isn’t new to the game. He’s the brains behind heavy-hitters like Kadjo (a viral video engine), Helios (AI-powered funnel builder), and A.I Funnels (the holy grail for affiliate marketers). His portfolio reads like a “Greatest Hits” of digital tools, each designed to strip away complexity and deliver results. But Emerald? This might be his magnum opus.

Why Emerald? Billy noticed a glaring gap: YouTube’s gold rush was leaving behind folks who lacked time, skills, or a camera-friendly face. “Why should content creation be a full-time job?” he wondered. So, he assembled a team of AI wizards and coders to build a tool that lets anyone—yes, anyone—claim a slice of YouTube’s $29 billion ad revenue pie.

Philosophy: Tech for the Rest of Us Billy’s mantra? “Automate the boring stuff, so you can focus on living.” He’s allergic to jargon and obsessed with user experience. Case in point: Emerald’s interface is so intuitive, even your tech-phobic aunt could launch a channel. His tools aren’t just functional—they’re fun.

Top Benefits of Emerald App

Let’s cut through the fluff: Emerald isn’t just another app—it’s a Swiss Army knife for YouTube success. Here’s why it’s worth your attention:

1. Zero Skills? No Problem!

Forget editing software nightmares or scripting genius. Emerald’s AI Video Creator does the heavy lifting. Just type a keyword or mumble a voice prompt, and voilà—ChatGPT4 whips up polished videos using 100+ templates (think “Canva for YouTube”). The drag-and-drop editor? So simple, even your tech-clueless cousin could turn cat videos into cash cows.

2. Earn While You Sleep (Literally)

Emerald’s automation is your 24/7 cash machine. Once set up, the app generates videos, auto-shares them across social media, and drives traffic even when you’re offline.

3. Traffic Without the Tears

Tired of shouting into the void? Emerald’s AI Traffic Generator is like a hype squad for your channel. It auto-shares videos to TikTok, Reddit, blogs, and even niche forums, while the 1-Click YouTube Keyword Finder ensures your content ranks. No ads, no influencer bribes—just free, organic eyeballs.

4. Manage Your Empire from the Toilet

Yes, really. The Smartphone Edition lets you tweak thumbnails, check earnings, or launch new channels from your iPhone or Android. Stuck in a grocery line? Boom—adjust your monetization strategy between cereal aisles.

5. Mentorship & Safety Nets

Newbies get 7 days of 1-on-1 mentoring to dodge rookie mistakes. Plus, the 365-day money-back guarantee means you’ve got a YEAR to test-drive Emerald. If it flops, Billy Darr personally refunds you—no “30-day window” nonsense.

6. No Hidden Fees, Pure Profit Unlike tools that charge monthly subscriptions (looking at you, cough YouTube Premium), Emerald’s $17 one−time fee, means no recurring bills. Plus, the included Commercial License lets you sell pre−built, monetized YouTube channels to others for 17 one−time fee. It’s like buying a money-printing press for the price of a pizza. 🍕💰

7. Stock Assets Galore

No more scrounging for royalty-free beats or visuals. Emerald’s library includes hundreds of free stock videos, images, and tracks—perfect for spicing up faceless content without copyright drama.

Bottom Line: Emerald turns YouTube’s steep learning curve into a lazy river. Whether you’re a burnt-out creator, a busy parent, or someone who just hates being on camera, this app hands you the keys to a hands-off income stream. And at $17? It’s cheaper than most takeout orders. 🍔💸

>> Get Instant Access Now! <<

How Does Emerald App Work?

Pick a Niche: From cat memes to crypto, choose your battlefield.

AI Takes Over: Generates videos using keywords/voice prompts.

Traffic Tsunami: Shares content across social media, blogs, and forums.

Cash Flow: Monetize via ads, affiliate links, or Emerald’s $97 AI funnels.

Best Features of Emerald App

60-Second Setup: Faster than microwaving popcorn.

AI Video Creator: ChatGPT4 + 100+ templates = endless content.

Built-In Monetization: No guesswork—Emerald shows you the money.

Commercial License: Sell pre-made channels for $500 each.

1-on-1 Mentoring: Get expert guidance for 7 days.

Who Should Buy Emerald App?

Aspiring YouTubers: Skip the learning curve.

Side Hustlers: Earn extra cash without extra hours.

Affiliate Marketers: Drive traffic to your links effortlessly.

Retirees/Busy Parents: Perfect for hands-off income.

>> Get Instant Access Now! <<

Emerald App Pros and Cons

Pros: ✅ Fully automated YouTube channels ✅ $17 launch price (cheaper than Netflix) ✅ No monthly fees or hidden costs ✅ 365-day money-back guarantee

Cons: ⚠️ Requires patience (AI isn’t instant rich) ⚠️ Upsells can add up (stick to the front-end if budget’s tight)

Emerald App Pricing and OTOs: Full Breakdown

Front-End Offer: The Steal of the Century

For a $17 one-time payment (use code “Emerald3” to get $3 off).

you get:

Lifetime access to Emerald’s core AI tools.

Automated YouTube channel setup in 60 seconds.

AI Video Creator with 100+ templates and ChatGPT4 integration.

Built-in traffic generator for 100+ platforms.

Monetization training ($349/day methods included).

7 days of 1-on-1 mentoring + 365-day money-back guarantee.

This is 90% off the planned $97/month subscription. But act fast—prices spike soon!

OTO Upsells: Turbocharge Your Earnings

(All OTOs are optional but highly recommended for scaling)

Upsell 1: Emerald- Unlimited Edition – $147 Create unlimited podcasts, no usage restriction etc.

Upsell 2: Emerald- DFY Setup Setup – $297

In this upgrade our team sets up the software for your customers.

Upsell 3: Emerald- AutoPilot Edition – $39

Your customers will be able to activate all the automation tools within ONYX. Upsell 4: Emerald- 200 DFY Campaigns Edition – $39

You will get 200 done-for-you proven money-making campaigns that have made us $50,000.

Upsell 5: Emerald- Franchisee Edition – $197

You will get bumped up to 85% across the entire funnel with additional tutorials on how to promote the funnel to make sales.

Why the OTOs Are Worth It

Unlimited Elite: For serial entrepreneurs juggling niches.

AI Franchise: Turn Emerald into a $10k/month agency.

Scale AI: 10X traffic with geo-targeted campaigns.

Final Word: The front-end alone is a steal, but the OTOs unlock Emerald’s true power. Start with the $17 base, then add upgrades based on your goals. With a 365-day refund policy, there’s zero risk.

Ready to dominate YouTube? Click here to lock in 2025 pricing before time runs out! ⏳

Conclusion: Should You Buy Emerald App?

For $17, Emerald is a no-brainer. It’s not magic, but it’s the closest thing to a YouTube cheat code. The 365-day refund policy means zero risk. If you’re tired of burnout and ready for passive income, grab Emerald now before the price jumps.

Ready to let AI do the work? Click here to lock in the $17 deal and claim your bonuses!

>> Get Instant Access Now! <<

FAQ

Q: Is there a refund policy? A: Yes! 365-day money-back guarantee.

Q: Do I need tech skills? A: Nope—Emerald’s designed for beginners.

Q: How soon can I earn? A: Most users see results in days, but patience pays off.

Q: Does it work on mobile? A: Yes! Fully compatible with smartphones.

Thanks for reading “Emerald App Review 2025: Can This AI Tool Really 10X Your YouTube Income?” If you’re ready to ditch the grind, click here to start your passive income journey today! 🚀

Affiliate Disclaimer :

Some of the links in this article may be affiliate links, which means I receive a small commission at NO ADDITIONAL cost to you if you decide to purchase something. While we receive affiliate compensation for reviews / promotions on this article, we always offer honest opinions, user experiences and real views related to the product or service itself. Our goal is to help readers make the best purchasing decisions, however, the testimonies and opinions expressed are ours only. As always you should do your own thoughts to verify any claims, results and stats before making any kind of purchase. Clicking links or purchasing products recommended in this article may generate income for this product from affiliate commissions and you should assume we are compensated for any purchases you make. We review products and services you might find interesting. If you purchase them, we might get a share of the commission from the sale from our partners. This does not drive our decision as to whether or not a product is featured or recommended. 

[circular-time]

All caps for my favorite for each Doctor and bold for my alltime fave; I've listed a smattering to give you glimpses of most of the companions and some vague non-spoilery comments since different stories appeal to different tastes.

First Doctor: The Daleks although slow-paced by today's standards set the show on its feet as the second serial and there's some extraordinary visuals for a 1963 show with no budget and almost no precedents to work from; The Aztecs has Babs being awesome some interesting perspective on white saviour syndrome trying to avert colonialism filmed when the last of the British Empire was still throwing out the Brits (also blink and you'll miss it gender discussion), THE ROMANS is a Funny Thing Happened on The Way To the Forum Meets Doctor Who, The Dalek Invasion of Earth was groundbreaking for the time (post-apocalyptic Earth was not yet a setting many mainstream audiences had seen outside of a few blockbuster films) a chewy story plus the first companion departure

Second Doctor: MIND ROBBER is just fun watch it, Enemy of the World with actual ( gasp) sharp acting all around partly because Troughton is the villain as well as the lead

Third Doctor: Spearhead from Space so you get at least one with Liz who is Great and the Brig in fine form, a lot of fans will rec Inferno for very good reason but be warned it drags in the middle, Terror of the Autons for a great Jo & Master story, The Daemons ditto plus one of the Brig's signature moments, no one ever remembers Carnival of Monsters because it's not important or epic and there's a lot of running about but it's a fun little D&D adventure like Ghost Monument, THE TIME MONSTER which is a bit naff but we love it to bits as The Gift That Keeps on Giving there's so many dumbass and funny and heartwarming moments in it

Fourth Doctor: MASQUE OF MANDRAGORA fun melodramatic costume drama with bonus gay couple don't talk to me I shipped Marco/Giuliano before I knew what gay WAS, Brain of Morbius has Sarah Jane and the Sisterhood of Karn and Four in fine form with bonus throwaway Hey That Totally Screwed Up Canon (What Canon?), The Deadly Assassin which established Gallifrey as we know it today and therefore pissed off fans tremendously, Face of Evil as an all around fun story introducing Leela Who Is Great I wish I could rec more of hers but i've already got too many of Four here; Horns of Nimon for a drinking game ep that's so bad it's hilarious (moreso if if you know the camp villain was considered for the role of the fourth doctor) but Romana is in a different story acting her socks off LIKE A BOSS, City of Death aka the Doctor and Romana's Paris honeymoon, Keeper of Traken because I just love it (preview of my favorite companion though she's only a side char) plus it kinda sets up spoilers spoilers still relevant in new Who

Fifth Doctor: Castrovalva is a fun regeneration story but find the Blu-Ray if you can where they were finally able to achieve the MC Escher effect intended, Black Orchid (I dunno why some people dislike this one it's Who meets Agatha Christie!), Kinda which is a little crack but there's some great acting and classic quotes even if my fave is out with a migraine, Mawdryn Undead for an interesting reunion with an old friend even if the writers once again can't juggle an ensemble cast, ENLIGHTENMENT is awesomesauce ok not as much now as then when the first cliffhanger literally pulled mom and me out of our seats but the story has aged well even if the FX now look quaint, Planet of the Shorts of Fire for some Master/Doctor shipping although they nearly had the Master say he was the Doctor's brother and cut the line mid-word!

Sixth Doctor: oh this poor guy didn't get enough good scripts until the audios showed just how fantastic he can be but The Two Doctors (which shows his era had gotten a bit grim for classic Who, but it's good), VENGEANCE ON VAROS which believe it or not predates the reality TV fad and I haven't seen it since the 80s but it was a damn good episode at the time

Seventh Doctor: Delta and the Bannermen is nutty and joyful and unique and a palate cleanser after Sixie's era got too dark and I will defend it to the death even if it's kind of insane, The Happiness Patrol for a strong Sylvester ep with Ace being great (these two are always great), BATTLEFIELD with the Brig (both of them!) and a girlfriend (we wished) for Ace and random Arthurian bullshit and Kate Stewart's mom and oh this was LOVE when it came out Doctor Who was BACK baby (poor Colin), Remembrance of the Daleks which should have been the 25th anniversary special and we all pretended it was and there is the most awesome cliffhanger ever (it's like the punchline to a joke 25 years in the making for fans) but really it's so good the guest chars in this story have a popular multi-season spinoff audio series; Survival as the very last story of classic Who with more Doctor/Master shipping which may have been deliberate and this time we know Ace's "girlfriend of the month" plotline was deliberate although it's coded and cloaked because the queer author had to slip it past the censors

Okay so I'm continuing to venture through Classic Doctor Who. I've watched chunks of Jon Pertwee and Tom Baker and adore the TV Movie. I've also seen a few of the "specials" like The Three Doctors and The Five Doctors. I know some episodes are considered much better than others 👀 What's your favourite or must watch episode??? Help me out

[atinydise]

Ateez reacting to the other members not liking their s/o (part 2)

❦ Genre: Fluff, a tiny bit of angst.

❦ Pairing: OT8.

❦ Word count: 3K7.

❦ Requested: Omg yes lol, thank you! 🦋

❦ A/N Note: ⚠️Since I took an eternity to post it, I advice to read the first part again (or for the first time)! Thank you for liking the 1st one tho! hehe

HONGJOONG

It's been 3 weeks since your altercation with the boys. You didn't talk to your boyfriend yet and he was really sad. He was trying to call you every day at least once, but your phone rang one time and the voicemail welcomed him. You were the only one he wanted to talk with right now. And he wanted to fix this situation as well. "Hyung, do you want to play with-" started San, handing the console remote to him. Still angry at them, he didn't bother to glance or reply neither. He just slammed the door's room loudly. "Us." Finished San. "He's still mad." Declared Yeosang. "Congrats Genius. You found this deduction by yourself?" Asked San, ironically. Yeosang ignored his comment and took his phone. "Where's Y/N working already?" "I don't know. In a café or something." "Where?" "Itaewon." "Okay then put some pants on." "What? Why?" "Wow Sherlock." Replied Yeosang in the same tone San used later. "We are going to apologize to her. Hongjoong was obviously happier with her." "And he didn't have this serial killer look." "Let's go." Claimed Yeosang.

The 2 boys entered at least 16 cafés to find where you were working. They were about to give up when San spotted you, cleaning a table under the terrace. "Y/N! Y/N!" Yelled San, running crazily. You thought that you were dreaming when you saw these 2. It almost felt unreal since they never gave you attention. "What is happening? Are you guys, okay?" "We are really sorry Y/N." They both bowed respectfully. "We had wrong assumptions about you. We are really ashamed of ourselves." Continued Yeosang. "You were not taking advantage of Hongjoong Hyung. But in fact, you made him happier." You felt bad to know that your boyfriend was sad because of this situation. "It's okay..." you smiled nervously. "I guess that you wanted to protect him." Yeosang and San nodded. They were really sorry. "Lift your head boys. We are fine now." "There's a last person you need to be fine with." Added Yeosang. San and you stared at him weirdly. He pointed at the other side of the street, where Hongjoong was smiling at the warming scene. San, completely unaware of this plan, whispered to Yeosang: "how did you planned this? And when?" "You know how long you take to put a pant on?" "Are you a genius?" "Why are you surprised?" Replied Yeosang. While they were talking about their strategy, you asked your manager, 15 minutes break and ran to your boyfriend. His arms were open, waiting for you. "Mission accomplished." Declared San happily. "Congrats Partner."

SEONGHWA

Just when the rest of the group entered the room, Seonghwa was waiting for them with a wide smile. "What is going on? And why are you smiling like that?" Asked Wooyoung. "Yeah. It's scary." Whispered San. "Well boys..." he started. "We have a guest tonight." "A guest? Your mom?" Hongjoong freaked out a bit. Judging that it was the best moment to appear, you came out of the kitchen, an awkward smile on your face. "Hello." You waved nervously. You saw all of their faces darkened at the moment they saw you. "What is she doing here Hyung?" Asked Jongho. "She came here to talk and to arrange the situation." Replied Seonghwa. "But who said that we wanted to talk to her?" Sighed Mingi. "Guys." You tried to interpose, but Seonghwa stopped you. "Let's talk comfortably in the kitchen." He smiled. Even if the boys were reticent, they walked one by one to the kitchen. All of them, taking an empty seat, except San who decided to seat on the counter. Seonghwa and you sat at the end of the table like 2 serial killers waiting for the justice. "I wanted to know why you hate Y/N so much." Started Seonghwa. "I'm sorry if I did something bad." You apologized. "But I would appreciate if you were honest with me instead of being so cold." "How are we supposed to act with you when we know you are just taking advantage of him?" Asked Hongjoong. Seonghwa raised a brow, "taking advantage of me?" "Yeah. She appeared right when we were rising in the charts and stuff like that." You stared at Seonghwa, who was still looking at you. You both busted in laughter. "They thought you were the one asking me out." Laughed Seonghwa. All the boys were confused. "I was the one insisting to date her. I was practically stalking her." "Creep." You whispered. "She had like no interest in me." "Yeah. Zero. Nothing. Nada. Rien. Nieten. Que Tchi. Walou.*" You added. "Hey." "Sorry." "So, you are telling us that we were wrong since-" "The beginning." "She was my prey. And I was the hunter." Smirked your boyfriend. "Seems like we had a misunderstood." Admitted Hongjoong. "Yeah. Seems like." "Can you be friendly with Y/N now?" They all nodded and apologized once again. "Cool! Now should we goo at the restaurant?" "Heck yeah! I could eat a whole bear!" Claimed Yunho. "Babe, do you want to come?" "Yeah sure." You finally accepted, not scared anymore to ruin the mood.

*Nada, Rien, Nieten, Que tchi, Walou: expression to say “nothing” in severals languages.

YUNHO

Your boyfriend was feeling down. He was working for his first k-dramas. he should be happy and in a good mood. But instead, he was simply acting well in front of the cameras and was almost depressed backstage. It wasn't right and you didn't like this at all. The rest of the members were trying to talk to him. In vain, he was simply ignoring them or spending most of the time at your apartment. This behavior would not help to solve this situation. Removing all of your bad thoughts, you planned a quick visit to the other members; especially Mingi and Wooyoung. ["What are you doing today babe?"] You sent a text to your boyfriend, praying that his schedule hasn't changed. ["I'm filming. My break is over in 10 minutes :(. Do you miss me?"] He replied. ["Always haha. Have fun filming too."] Now that you were sure that Yunho won't interfere in your plan, you paid your taxi and get straight to the building. You decided to use the stairs so you wouldn't have more time to think of a strategy. Just right when you entered the hallway, Wooyoung and Mingi were closing the door. For a quick second, the thought of running away settled in your mind. But Yunho's health and spirit were the most important things right now. "Hi." You greeted them. "Hello?" Started Mingi. "Yunho isn't there, he's-" "I came to talk with both of you actually." You said. "Yunho explained what happened 2 weeks ago." "Yeah sure." Growled Wooyoung. "I think it would be easier for us to get along if you tell me what is going on. What did I do wrong?" You asked. "We know you with another guy." Declared Mingi. "And you seemed close enough to hug for at least 2 long minutes." "Listen Y/N, we just don't want Yunho to suffer so we didn't tell him yet that you were seeing someone else." "Are you talking about this tall guy, with a lot of tattoos?" You raised a brow. They both nodded, reminding exactly every detail. "That's my cousin. He moved in Mexico. For his work. So yeah." You sighed. "I hug my family." Wooyoung and Mingi were looking at you dumbly. "Well... what a useless situation." You admitted. Wooyoung ran his hand through his hair and stepped forward you. "I guess you deserve apologies." "Instead of this, can we make a deal?" You offered. "Sure." "Let's get along." You handed both of your hands to each of them." "Deal." Mingi shook your hand, quickly followed by Wooyoung. Before leaving, you asked one last thing.

["Guess who's going to have a dinner with us tomorrow?"] Yunho instantly called you, wondering how you managed to take a selfie with his friends. ["I'm so happy that I could combust right now! How you managed to do this!"] ["Anything for my man!"]

YEOSANG

"Yeosang wait!" You followed him in the hallway. "I want to be alone for now." He replied, opening an empty backstage room. "But you just can't run away like that!" You held his wrist. "Y/N." "We can fix this. Or just at least try to live without them hating me." "I do not think they are ready to do that." Yeosang gently pushed your hand and entered the dark room. Before you could say anything else, he slammed the door in front of you. A quick and loud noise made you realize that he locked the door. Knowing that being loud or begging your boyfriend to open wouldn't help, you decided to fix the problem by yourself. "Okay! If you prefer to stay here and hide, then FINE! I'll handle it!" You gave a quick kick on the door and walked back on your previous step. "What a baby..." Without knocking, you opened ATEEZ' backstage room. They were all gathered around Hongjoong, probably claiming how much they hate you. "I have many things to say guys." You started. "And one by one." They were all looking at you as an alien who just came from another planet. "I'll start by you Kim Hongjoong! As a leader, you should be comprehensive and try to fix things which could hurt any members!" "Y-Y/N." "And you Park Seonghwa! Yeosang told me that you were the nicest here, but I only saw a rude and cold guy! I'm really disappointed." "Please-" "Yunho and Mingi." You sighed, putting your hands over your hips. "You were the first one who were nice with me. But something made you change your mind and you both kept hurting my feeling. Especially when you leave every room I enter." You said angrily. Both of them bent their head, feeling guilty. "Oh, and this trio!" You pointed at San, Wooyoung and Jongho. "I would appreciate if you could stop looking at me like you are looking at a trash. Surprise! It hurts my feelings too! Because YEAH! I have feelings!" You almost screamed. "So, tell me NOW, why you hate me so DAMN MUCH?!" A long silence settled after your monologue. The boys were looking at each other, waiting for one to talk. Hongjoong as a good leader, stepped forward. "We are sorry Y/N." They all bowed to you. You had no idea that your words would affect them that much. "Ah... Huh-Okay." You scratched your arm. "After Yeosang quick departure, we talked a bit about our behavior, and we concluded that we have zero reason to dislike you." Explained Hongjoong. "Let's trying to get along." Said Hongjoong. "For Yeosang." You accepted. "It might be hard for us because you were really not into our heart." Added Seonghwa. "Yeah, don't worry y'all made it clear." "But if you are important to Yeosang, then you are important for us." He said, smiling warmly. "Thank you. I truly appreciate that." You bowed back politely. "Now we just need to get Yeosang out of the room."

SAN

Seongwa entered the kitchen. He was surprised to see San and Wooyoung actually sitting at the same table. San was eating his cereal and Wooyoung was scrolling on his phone. It almost felt like a random and good day. Until Seonghwa asked: "You are finally getting along again? It's a good thing!" San sighed, "why should I get alone with this guy?" "Oh no..." "Just ignore me like you used to do. I'm fine with it." Said Wooyoung, rolling his eyes. "Okay, I should have stayed quiet." Whispered Seonghwa. "Exactly like him. He should have shut his mouth." Replied San, leaving the room, bowl in his hand. "I said that to help you!" He shouted. "Jung Wooyoung." Called Seonghwa seriously. "You should fix it." "Me? Why? It's him which was dating this girl! And you weren't liking her too, right?" "Yeah, but have you seen San these days? He's barely smiling or talking to us." He replied. "You need to fix this. And today." "Today?! Hyung! Come on." Growled Wooyooung. "Not my problem." Honestly, this task wasn't helping Wooyoung to like you, but he needed to do or at least try something for his friend.

That's why, now, he was waiting at the restaurant next to your college. You said that you would show up, but he wasn't sure about that. Until, you sat, in front of him. "Hello?" He greeted you. "Hi." "Okay... I'll be totally sincere and straightforward with you." "As you always do." Wooyoung was surprised by your attitude. But in a good way. "I don't like you because I'm pretty sure you take advantage of my friend." You sneered. "How many times do I need to tell you that I don't give- that I don't care about his career." "What if he was an employee or a technician?" Asked Wooyoung. "Do you date people for their image? I'm not like that. I don't date him because he's an idol. I just love him. For his personality, his kindness. Everything that made San, our San." "You love him?" Said Wooyoung, surprised. "Yeah, of course I do." I thought it wasn't serious at all yet." "Well maybe if you tried to talk more and sooner with him or me, you'll know." "If you us to get along, you should be nicer." "And you, less rude." Wooyoung rubbed his forehead. You were stubborn as him. "How can we get along?" "Are you free right now?" "Huh, yeah?" "Cool. Let's hanging out without beating each other." You offered. "A-Are you sure it's a good idea?" He asked, not convinced. "Well, San, always says that people get closer around-" "A good meal." Finished Wooyoung. "Cool then let me call the waiter." You paused. "But you pay." "Argh... this woman." Sighed Wooyoung.

MINGI

Hongjoong sighed when he saw Mingi, eyes glued on his phone. It's been 2 weeks and still no sign of you. You declined all of his calls, ignored his messages even on social media and obviously you were not sleeping in your apartment anymore. "Mingi, your view is going to be terrible if you don't leave this damn phone." Scolded Hongjoong. The tall boy gave him a dark look. "My view would be fine if you've learned Y/N better. Instead of judging her." Seonghwa growled next do the leader. "Here we go again." Mingi rolled his eyes, still pissed by this behavior. "Yeah, here we go again." He repeated. "It will be like that until Y/N accept to talk to me again. Or just listen to me." "Why does it matter so much?" Asked Seonghwa. "Because she's the one. Why? I don't know. I just feel it. She's the only one I need." Hongjoong and Seonghwa exchanged a quick, guilty glance. "Y'all decided that she wasn't made for me because of a stupid "instinct". Mingi air quoted. "We are trying to help you. We know how sensitive you are." Declared Hongjoong. "Then why do you need to put me in this situation? You are the only ones who are hurting me right now." He finished, plopping angrily on the sofa. The 2 boys remained quiet for a second, looking at each other. Finally, Seonghwa asked: "Okay so how can we help you?" Mingi smirked, when he finally heard those magical worlds. It was exactly what he wanted since these past weeks. "Okay call everyone here." He ordered.

You were sadly applying your night cream on your face. Since your break-up with Mingi, your skin decided to be terrible dry and itchy. You were the worst. Tired of this situation, you buried your face on your arms. You shivered a little when your forehead touched the cold surface. "It's a beautiful night, we're looking for something dumb to do. Hey baby I think I wanna marry you!"* You didn't need to hear it twice to recognize Mingi's voice. Not believing that he did something like this, you rushed to the window. At your big surprise, he wasn't alone. The other members were there too: Hongjoong was holding the phone and speaker, while the rest of the group was holding a sheet of paper saying, "Can you forgive us?" But Yeosang was holding the quote mark in the wrong side. "Song Mingi! Are you crazy!" "Crazy of you!" The members gagged behind him. "We all want to apologize for treating you this way." Claimed Yunho, louder than the music. You were affected by this effort. They all realized that you were not a bad person. "If you accept our apologies than come here so we can have a discussion." Declared Seonghwa, speaking for the whole group. "Got it, I'm coming. Do y'all need snacks?" They all yelled and shouted an incredible about of snacks' brands in only few seconds. Mingi winked at you. Your kindness got them. And food too.

*Song reference: Marry You by Bruno Mars.

WOOYOUNG

Your roommate entered the library again. She couldn't help but to let out a quick sigh when she saw you: your head buried behind a ton of books, which didn't seem interesting. "You didn't move since I left this morning." She sat in front of you. "I need to pass this exam." "You could have at least answered to your phone. I wanted to have a lunch with you." "I forgot my phone." You shrugged. "Did you really forget your phone?" She raised a brow. "Or you made sure to let it on your bed? To avoid texting Wooyoung?" "Study is the only thing that keep me away from my problems." You sighed. "You should confront your problems." Advised your roommate. "I can't. Nobody can force someone to like them." "It's not true. You can do it." She replied. "Meg...." you rubbed your nose. "Even if I want to. I can't." Your roommate opened her mouth to prove you the opposite, but finally she decided to stay quiet and open her books instead. This silence lasted only 30 minutes before someone tapped your shoulders. "Ye- Yunho?!" You freaked out. "Hi." He scratched his head, embarrassed. "Is everything okay? Wooyoung is sick? And how did you manage to find me?" "I'll let you talk in peace. I have my science lesson anyway." Said Megan, burying her books in her bag, before leaving." "See you later Y/N." "Is everything okay?" You repeated. "Yeah, don't worry. Wooyoung is fine." You sighed in relief. "Fine but sad though. He's missing you." "I do too but... I don't want to interfere with his career. I got it. It's important for you and the rest of the members as well." You claimed, sadly. "It is. But we only thought about the group and our success." He added. "It's a complete selfish behavior." "It's okay." You smiled nervously. "You wanted the best for the group." "I can understand if you don't want to forgive us, but we are truly sorry." "For Wooyoung, we should try to get along. And to find the right way to move on." Yunho nodded, happy that you didn't plan a revenge. "So... you are the one who decided to come here? So brave." "Hm... honestly, we are all here except Wooyoung. But I'm the only one who succeeded to jump the gate. "W-Who what?" "If you hear security guard running here than we should run too." "The heck-"

JONGHO

"I can't believe we hide ourselves for 3 hours now." You complained, shoving your hand in a pack of candies. "What do you want to do? Confront them?" You raised a brow, "yeah! We should." "Come on Y/N, we don't even know why they don't like you." "That's why we should open the door, enter the living-room and ask all of them." Jongho sighed, "Y/N." "Jongho." A long eye-contact battle started between both of you. The one who is going to blink will be the winner. "I won't give up." You said. "And I won't give up too." Your eyes started to feel dry and itchy when a loud knock resonated in the whole room. "Jongho, Y/N. Come in the living room please." Requested Yunho." Jongho got out of the bed the first one, you simply followed him. The room was just next to the living-room, but it felt so long at the same time. Your boyfriend gulped and your hands became moist. "We are coming Hyung." Jongho got out of the bed the first one, you simply followed him. The room was just next to the living-room, but it felt so long at the same time. "Why do you want to talk about?" Asked Hongjoong, sitting next to the coffee table. "You asked if we had a particular hate toward Y/N." Replied San. "And yeah, a bit." "At least that's straightforward." You whispered. "Can I know why?" "Well, you made Jongho cry just after 5 days of relationship." The maknae facepalmed and blushed at the same time. "I what? You cried?!" You looked at your boyfriend shocked. "Yeah... it was our first argument. You were really really really mad, and I was so nervous! I was having a mental breakdown and it just happened." He explained. "Only 5 days of relationship." Repeated Yeosang. "So how he would be after 2 years? Depressed?" "Argh no! Of course not. And that's not my intention." You tried to justify yourself. "And an argument is normal for a couple..." "Even after 5 days?" "Seonghwa Hyung..." whispered Jongho. "Yes, it is!" You raised your voice. "You'll understand when you'll get someone in your life." "Y/N." Called Jongho. "I really like Jongho. I don't want to hurt him." You started. "Yes, we have arguments, yes, we cry, yes we ghost each other for few hours or even days. BUT! We will always be going through it." You held Jongho's hand in yours. "Right?" He nodded, completely agreeing with you. "So... I know y'all won’t change your mind instantly, but I'm ready to wait that you give me a chance." You stood up. "here are you going?" Asked Jongho. "Going back home. Maybe you should have a talk with them. "Yeah. We need to gather and explain this situation." Acquiesced Jongho. "See." You winked. "I'll come back tomorrow don't worry." "Okay then." "Thank you for having a talk with us." You thanked the boys. "I really hope you can see me as someone who only wants Jongho's happiness." "We do." Smiled Wooyoung.

[dreamingaboutreid]

Hospital Bed Confessions: Chapter 7

*Continuation*

*Flash-forward*

Spencer was truly in awe. It had been 8 months since you joined the BAU.

Hotch seemed much happier with no more mountains of paperwork on his desk. All the files were neatly filed in Y/N’s office and his workload was greatly alleviated. He also had someone to confide to and understand a little bit of the pressure he had been experiencing.

Emily loved having a fellow Chesapeake Bay alumnus. With JJ being on mom-duty, Emily had a friend to go out with after she returned to the team, and they seemed to have plethora of things to talk about and relate to. He often heard them discussing their love of Kilgore Trout or favorite traveling destination.

Penelope was ecstatic to have another affectionate and loving member on the team. Y/N spent a lot of time with Garcia on deciding cases and it was evident how much they cherished each other. Y/N often brought in colorful collectibles and helped Penelope arrange them in her office.

Rossi respected Y/N’s focused yet good-natured character. They shared stories of their time in the military, which they rarely disclosed with the other members. He thought of Y/N as a daughter and took pleasure in sharing his knowledge of cars and whiskey.

JJ treated Y/N like a sister. It was obvious how similar they were. Both attentive and considerate with remarkable people skills. Y/N also became JJ’s go-to babysitter as JJ full heartedly trusted her with kids, which was a huge compliment coming from JJ.

Derek enjoyed Y/N’s company, who had a surprising knowledge of football, and would often make fun bets on what team would win the next game. He would also come to you for solid advice when he needed someone to level with him.

Not to mention, everyone was thrilled to go home at least an hour earlier normal, thanks to your fast but thorough write-ups you continued to do every day on behalf of the team.

For Spencer, you were a whole new world. He not only appreciated you as a hardworking member but as a new best friend.

You never interrupted him and seemed genuinely invested in whatever he said. Whether it was a new book he was reading or a new foreign film that came out. You truly made him feel heard and cared for. After he told you about Maeve, it felt like something was taken off his shoulder. Like you knew his pain and rather than only feeling sorry for him, they shared it together.

He also truly admired your ability to talk to people. Whether it was a serial killer who was holding a gun to someone’s head or a sobbing parent who had just lost a child or even an abrasive detective they had to work with, you just knew exactly what to say.

Spencer couldn’t place a flaw in you. The way you smiled, talked, listened, walked, ate, slept, heck everything, seemed so perfect to him.

When Blake came to his apartment to say her farewell, he was devastated. Another person was walking out of his life. But for the first time, he didn’t wallow up in his apartment by himself, blaming his eidetic memory for repeating all their conversations in his head or contemplating then shutting down his mental debate on taking dilaudid.

He didn’t hesitate to dial your number, and you appeared in front of his door in a matter of minutes. You had the ability to listen to his problems and somehow make them go away, or at least make him feel better.

While he always appreciated it, it bothered Spencer after a while how you never came to him when you wanted to feel better. You managed to carry all that weight without yourself ever breaking.

But he realized that it wasn’t anything personal. You just never showed much emotions to anyone, except for happy ones.

Spencer remembered when Derek asked you one day,

“How come you never come to us when you’re feeling down? There’s no way you’re always a ray of sunshine. Even baby girl has her emotional breakdowns.”

You had quickly brushed it off and said, “I’d rather make people smile than worry or cry.”

And it was the end of that.

Spencer often thought about this. Derek made a very good point. You were human after all.

But he knew that there was something much darker in you.

While you didn’t voice your emotions, your eyes told a different story.

When you were interrogating unsubs, your eyes became cold but your words remained calm and almost soothing, as if you were luring them out their lies to know their true intentions. When you were talking to victims or victims’ families, your eyes showed sympathy and it comforted whoever you were consoling when explaining that the unit was doing our best. And when you were talking to the ones you loved and cared about, you allowed your eyes to relax but there was a twinkle that he couldn’t keep his own eyes off of.

He hoped that you would open up to him, like he had to you.

But, it wasn’t too long until his wish was answered and he witnessed something that changed everything.

Y/N’s POV

You were exhausted.

It wasn’t the workload or rigor your job came with.

It was the emotional tole. You learned how to compartmentalize your feelings well from losing the ones you loved from experience.

But this job was different from talking to soldiers or serial killers. You were talking to normal people. You had unconsciously put your guard down and the emotions hit you little by little.

Every day, you walked in to deciding which cases to solve and you walked out hoping it was the right one to choose. The extra work you were doing actually helped keep your mind out of all the feelings and reality and helped focus your energy on something tangible.

You weren’t sure what came over you that day, but you had been on edge the whole jet ride back from a case. When everyone arrived back to the office, it wasn’t just you who was drained.

“Everyone go home early and get some ready. You deserve it. But report back tomorrow at 9 to finish your statements,” stated Hotch.

“I think I’ll stay back. Finish some of the paperwork,” you stated with a weak smile.

Hotch looked at you reluctantly.

“Are you sure? Everyone’s worn out. It’s okay to go,” Hotch said.

“It must be all the coffee,” you joked lamely, hoping Hotch took the excuse.

Hotch didn’t seem to notice as it was quite normal for you to stay late.

“Alright. Well, everyone thank Y/N on the way out and report back tomorrow at 10,” Hotch said as patted you on the back as he exited.

“Thanks for the extra hour of sleep,” Rossi stated as he walked towards the elevator.

“You’re an actual lifesaver,” Morgan commented.

As everyone said their respective greetings and left, you quickly ran up to JJ.

“Hey, JJ. Can I ask you a favor?” you asked.

“Of course! I owe you anyways,” JJ said.

“Do you mind if you give Spencer a ride home? Usually I take him, but I don’t want him to wait for me and he seems pretty tired,” you stated.

While you truly loved the arrangement you had with Spencer, you needed some space right now.

“Sounds like a plan. Just tell him I’ll be waiting in the car,” JJ said as she grabbed her belonging.

You thanked her and gave her a quick hug.

You turned and found Spencer already reading a book by his desk. Even though you thought Spencer always looked handsome, you had to admit that he did look tired.

“Hey, Spence. I think I’m going to stay a little late today.”

“Yeah, I heard you telling Hotch. I don’t mind waiting,” he said.

It must have been the pent up emotions you had been suppressing as you could feel your eyes slightly tearing up. You quickly forced them away, praying Spencer didn’t catch on. No matter how many times Spencer displayed his kindness and patience, you always appreciated his small acts of compassion.

“No, no. You must be exhausted. I asked JJ to take you home, and she’s waiting in her car for you. Seriously, get some rest,” you reassured Spencer.

After a bit of reluctancy, Spencer replied,

“Okay, I probably shouldn’t keep JJ waiting for too long. Thanks, Y/N. Don’t stay too late.”

You simply nodded and you watched Spencer walk away while looking back.

You waved, indicating that it was okay to leave.

After he finally left, it was just you, all alone. You turned off the lights in the pit, making it pitch dark, and walked into your office.

Closing your door and only turning on the light on your desk, you went to the corner of the room and sank down as you burst into tears.

It wasn’t the first time you had a breakdown. But it was always behind closed door. In the bathtub in your house. In the comfort of your bed. At the safety of your house. But today, you couldn’t hold it until you went home.

As you wept, you hoped the tears you released would somehow erase the remorse you felt. You sobbed without anything holding you back until you felt a looming presence over your crouched figure.

“Oh my gosh, Spencer. You startled me, I didn’t notice you were here,” you quickly said as you tried to wipe away the evidence of your momentary vulnerability. You didn’t need a mirror to know that it was an unsuccessful attempt.

“Sorry, I saw the light in your office and thought you’d be in here.”

“Did you forget something?” you asked, puzzled by his unexpected return.

“No, I just didn’t want you to be all alone so I told JJ that she could just go home,” Spencer said softly.

He continued, “I also saw you were a bit uneasy earlier.”

So Spencer hadnoticed.

“In fact, it seemed like you were stressed the whole day. Are you okay?” he asked.

You weren’t sure if it was the display of Spencer’s empathy again or the fact that he recognized something was bothering you when you were able to hide it from a group of profilers, but you felt the tears reappearing again and you didn’t want to hold back.

You broke into sobs for the second time that day and slowly slid back into the position you were originally in.

Spencer didn’t hesitate to join you as he sat and put a tight protective arm around you while he just let you cry.

“Am I making the right decisions? Who am I to choose who dies or lives? What if….” you trailed as you muffled all your worries into his chest.

For the first in a long time, you felt safe in the arms of someone else. You didn’t have to, or heck, want to hide yourself anymore. When Spencer held your hand, you knew.

You looked up to see the most understanding eyes, and you knew right then and there that you had found your person.

[moeyy-writes]

Here and Now - Part 5

Zak Bagans x Reader

Warnings: a very brief hint of sexual tension, a kiss, just fluff.

Word Count: 1,900

A/N: Sorry if this part is so choppy. Most of this was written (and edited) around or after midnight over the course of several days. And, oh, sorry for the slow burn. Don’t worry, we’re just getting started. :)

Series Master List || My Full Master List

Once the two of you were back in Zak’s car, everything about today started to sink in. You had just spent hours geeking out at Zak’s museum, exploring the extraordinary and macabre items he showcased. And, that wasn’t even the best part. Zak was totally adorable, and he was so proud of his collection. Watching him beam with pride over his priceless artifacts made your heart soar.

And that smile was still curled across his lips.

“So, you aren’t going to tell me where we’re going, are you?” you poked, secretly a bit tired of the surprises. Zak chuckled beside you.

“You’ll find out soon enough.” His eyes were on the road, shaded by his glasses. “But, I have a few questions.” He glanced over a winked. “What was your favorite exhibit in there?”

You turned your head forward towards the road as you thought. You honestly didn’t know the answer to the question. There were so many great pieces and stories that Zak has shared with you, that there was no possible way you could pick just one. You were sure you couldn’t even pick a top three.

“Oh, that a tough one.” You turned back to him, chuckling. “I loved all of it, but I have to say, all of your memorabilia from serial killers is seriously impressive.” You grinned as you remembered Zak’s handsome smile wide across his lips while he narrated the story behind each item.

“The serial killer room, huh?” His eyebrows shot far above the rim on his glasses. “Should I be worried?” he teased, squeezing your hand. You laughed, then peered down at your hand in his, balancing on the gear shift. When had he taken your hand? You smiled as you watched his thumb smooth soft circles over the back of your hand.

“No need to be worried,” you replied in a whisper, your eyes locked on your hands. Your heart pounded in your chest. “You aren’t dating a serial killer.”

Zak sighed jokingly and chuckled. “Oh, good. What a relief. I don’t plan on becoming a ghost just yet.” You cackled at his cheesy joke, rolling your eyes.

The restaurant that Zak pulled up to was, indeed, very familiar. The quaint, yet modern little restaurant clear across town from the strip was well lit, and at least half-full already. The windows were lined with thick, crimson curtains, and the carpet was just a shade off from true black. It was posh, and that was the second time you ever even thought about using that word.

The first time was when you had first officially met the crew, other than Jay of course. It was the day of your ‘interview’ for the position.

Jay had set it all up for you after the two of you had talked for hours about how much you hated your shifts at the hospital. Like you told your mom, it wasn’t the people, it was the monotony of it all. And, as bad as it sounded in your head, it just wasn’t your passion.

And, that was just how it you explained it to the crew the last time you were in that little restaurant, too nervous to eat and too caught up in your nervous thoughts to appreciate the place. But, from what you remember telling Jay and Zak months later, the three bites of your meal were pretty memorable.

Zak pulled into a parking spot a few rows from the front door, where there were no other cars around, and shut off the car. He had a habit of doing that, or so you picked up.

Zak turned to you, not getting out of the car quite yet, and smiled.

“I know it’s not super fancy, but I think it means something for both of us. It was the first time I formally met you and realized that we were missing something on our team.” He offered a sincere smile. “And, well, this might sound cheesy, but you know I’m a cheese call.” He chuckled to himself. “But, that day, you took my breath away—” He stopped himself and huffed a nervous laugh. Zak Bagans, nervous? This was something I wasn’t you were used to seeing, or something you knew how to respond to.

So, you just sat there for a moment and smiled, taking in the gorgeous sight of Zak laughing at himself, and absorbing his last spoken words.

“Sorry, uh, how about we head inside, huh? I’m getting pretty hungry.” Zak grinned, leaning forward a little to catch your gaze. You smiled and nodded, then reached for the door handle.

You followed Zak to the front door to the little restaurant, where the greeter at the front obviously recognized him, and probably recognized you too, but didn’t say anything. You watched as the young woman nearly leapt out of her skin as she fumbled for a few menus and saw you to your seats.

Once you were shown to your seat, the woman lingered for a moment longer, like she wanted to say something, but finally walked away. You were sure Zak could tell, and he usually liked interacting with fans, but she probably saw that it was just the two of you and didn’t want the truth to get out just yet.

Zak smiled at you from across the small, two-seater table. His icy blue gaze locked on yours and lingered, making you blush.

“This doesn’t feel weird to you, does it?” The question came out of left field, catching you completely off guard.

“I mean, a little, just because the other guys aren’t here. It’s not like we hang out, just the two of us, like ever.” You smiled, lowering your menu. “But, that doesn’t make it a bad thing. I’ve had a blast so far. And, I feel like I’m finally getting to know you. Yeah, we work together, but we don’t get to talk just the two of us very often. It’s like I know you, but I don’t really know you.”

You sucked in a breath, waiting for Zak to reply. Instead, his smile widened as he kept his gaze locked on your reddening cheeks.

“I’m rambling, aren’t I?”

Zak chuckled. “Yeah, a little bit.” He closed his menu and let out a long sigh. “But, you aren’t wrong.” You grinned.

“I rarely am.” Zak laughed, his arm moving to his stomach as he leaned back in his seat. You loved that deep, true laugh you were seeing more and more often lately. You wished he would laugh like that all the time.

And, maybe, that was your goal for tonight.

Zak pulled into the parking lot of your condo building and parked in the spot closest to the front door. He leapt from the car to open your door for you. What a gentleman.

The two of you silently walked to the front door, stopping just a few feet from the glass barrier. The fluorescent bulbs in the dimly lit lobby illuminated Zak’s sharp features.

“Well, thank you for everything Zak. I know it sounds cheesy, but I haven’t had that much fun in a long time.” You felt your phone buzz in your bag, but you ignored it. Instead, you focused on the handsome man who stood just inches from you.

“Oh, you know me darlin’, cheesy is at least half of my personality,” he chuckled. “But I’m glad I didn’t bore you to death.” He winked.

“Bore me? No way! I’ve been waiting to see that museum of yours forever! And to be spoiled with a personal tour, well, let’s just say you made my year.” You could feel your heart pound in your chest. You wanted to kiss him, oh you wanted to shove him against the wall behind him and grip hard onto those broad shoulders. But, even though you knew Zak, you couldn’t let that kind of move make things weird between you.

Instead, you shifted your weight, fishing in your bag for your front door keys.

“Well, I guess this is goodnight. I’ll see you… soon? We have another episode to film in, what, a week?” You fumbled with your keys at your side.

“Yeah, but maybe we can have a second date before then? Tomorrow, I’m going to see my mom, and the next day I promised Aaron I’d go golfing with him, but maybe the day after that? We can grab lunch or something?” Well, it was a good sign that he was asking about a second date. Sure, it would have been awkward if he said he’d rather just be friends after this, but Zak wasn’t exactly the kind of person who would keep his thoughts to himself. If this didn’t feel right, he would have said so.

And that meant you were officially dating, which still blew your mind.

“Sure!” you agreed. “I don’t have anything planned for the rest of the week, which sounds kind of sad when I say it, but I’m totally down.” Zak beamed as he nodded.

“Cool. I’ll text you, and we can plan something.” He nodded. “I’m glad you had fun.” His head bowed just a little as his eyes searched for your gaze. “Goodnight.”

Zak took a step closer and reached out his hand, cupping your left cheek. Oh my god, this was it. Zak Bagans was going to kiss you.

The right side of your lip curled the moment his lips landed on yours. Zak’s thumb smoothed over your cheek as his lips moved ever so slowly, in sync with yours. He was warm, soft, and everything you had been daydreaming of when you drifted off in the car on your way to investigations. And, something about this contact just felt right.

Zak pulled away, keeping the contact short and sweet. He smiled down at you, silently searching for approval. You grinned, cheeks rosy and warm under his touch.

“Goodnight, Y/N,” he saluted in a low whisper before stepping away. He waved as he made his way back to his car. Then, with your head in the clouds, you turned towards the door.

The moment you entered your building, you pulled your phone out of your bag. A new text from Jay popped up on your phone. Of course, the closest thing you had to a brother was checking in on you.

(9:25pm) Jay: Hey, are you still alive? How did it go?

(9:36pm) Y/N: It went great!! I had a lot of fun! Who knew Zak Bagans is a true gentleman?

(9:37pm) Jay: Oh, don’t feed into it. ;)

(9:38pm) Y/N: Well, until I have proof to the contrary, I say he actually has manners.

You slipped your phone into your pocket as you turned the lock on your door. Now that you were home, you realized you were exhausted. It had been an exciting day, and nothing sounded better than curling up on the couch and falling asleep to some trash TV.

The moment you pushed the door open, a swirling pink tornado encompassed you, completely coating you and the surrounding floor. What the… The fuzzy hall light illuminated the millions of pink particles that now surrounded you. Was that… glitter?

You blinked the horrendous substance from your eyelashes as rage built up from deep within your soul. You sucked in a deep, glitter-ridden breath and sighed.

“Fuck you, Aaron Goodwin.”

Thanks for reading! Feedback is appreciated! <3

[pinkflamingcreatures]

Publicity in John Waters’ “Serial Mom”

Second only to his love of portraying freaks on screen is John Waters’ obsession with publicity. Although no one can forget the second to last scene in Pink Flamingos in which Divine invites “the press” to the trial and murder of Connie and Raymond Marbles, and they thank her for the good story, his 1994 feature Serial Mom shows an increased awareness of the dangers - and comedies - of America’s mass proliferation of sensational images and stories. 

From the very beginning, the film is obviously intended to be a biting satire of American suburbia, at the center of which is a mother who, to the public, refuses to say an inappropriate word, won’t allow chewing gum in her house, and is an adamant recycler; but who, in her private life, harasses her next-door neighbors with obscene phone calls and letters, and very easily makes the decision to murder her son’s math teacher over an insulting remark. The audience doesn’t see Serial Mom’s descent into madness: Waters presents it as if it were there all along, maybe even looming underneath the mattresses of many “sane” housewives.

Serial Mom harassing her next-door neighbor, played by Mink Stole

The PTA meeting dispute that sets off Serial Mom’s fury consists of her son Chip’s math teacher remarking that Chip is obsessed with horror movies to a disturbing degree, and that this obsession reveals that she has done something wrong in raising him. This sentiment lies at the very core of Waters’ exploration of the effects of media in this film: what has violence, placed so prominently in the public eye, done to its psyche? Of course, this film doesn’t answer this question directly, and often approaches it more jokingly than would be preferred (but, really, what else can you expect?); Waters makes fun of everyone in this movie, from the cloistered suburban family to the excessively violent punk band, and leaves you feeling that no one is safe from being poisoned by publicity.

This is, to a large extent, what Waters seems to be going for here. One of the most poignant moments is when Chip, who runs a video store with his girlfriend, encounters an unpleasant customer who refuses to rewind her VHS tapes when she returns them, despite store policy. When his girlfriend calls her a bitch after the woman leaves the store, Chip says, “It’s the influence of all those family films,” subverting the trope that the movies that you watch directly influence your actions (it’s even funnier remembering Matthew Lillard, who plays Chip, and his role in Scream). Chip and his girlfriend are not violent, despite their genre inclinations, but it does affect how they react to the murders going on. When Chip’s girlfriend, Birdie, first hears that their math teacher has been killed, she calls Chip and says, “This is so cool, it’s just like a horror movie!”

Chip, played by Matthew Lillard, in his horror fanatic bedroom

These types of reactions to Serial Mom’s crimes are numerous throughout the film, and constitute a larger part of Waters’ interest with publicity than whether or not violent imagery creates violent actions. Serial Mom light-heartedly explores the ways in which violent movies, true crime novels, and television influence our responses to violence in real life. When Chip’s sister begins to suspect that their mom is a murderer and tells him about it, Chip responds with, “That’s a cool idea, Misty. Hey, let’s make a gore movie about mom!” Serious, emotional moments are turned into opportunities for publicity, when the brother of one of Serial Mom’s victims accosts Chip at her trial. Instead of engaging with him, or attempting to make reparations, Chip asks if he’s signed off yet, and they discuss who’s going to play who in the movie version of the events. Serial Mom’s daughter Misty also capitalizes on the situation, teaming up with a reporter to sell novelizations and “Serial Mom” t-shirts outside of the court.

But what influences Serial Mom to kill people? Waters never explicitly answers this question. Although a treasure trove of true crime books are found in her possession, it’s not clear if that reading interest came before or after the psychotic break (if there was one). This ambiguity underscores what Serial Mom markedly avoids: serious condemnation. John Waters isn’t trying to say that watching gory movies will turn you into a criminal - he loves gory movies, too! At its heart, this movie is a light-hearted, comedic exploration of what could be very serious topics; but that’s for a different director to make. 

[lambychop]

Ultimate Horror Flick List

I know this isn’t usually my style, but 🎵it’s the most wonderful time of the year🎵

That’s right: it’s the spoopy month! Which means SPOOPY MOVIES

So I present to you:

IRONICENIGMA’S ULTIMATE HORROR FLICK LIST FOR ALL TYPES OF FILM LOVERS

1) For the Gore Hounds

•Saw series- the classic films for the guys who just wanna see some people get ripped to shreads (honestly, after the second one, they go downhill)

•Jigsaw- the more recent edition to the Saw series (this ones actually pretty good and FULL of gore)

•Hostel- Saw Studies Abroad (TM)

•Final Destination series- kinda a dumb one. The movies can be kinda dumb, but the kills are INSANE. Fun movies to watch with the gang

•Texas Chainsaw Massacre- you know it, you love it, I don’t gotta explain it

•Cannibal Holocaust- seriously messed up. Banned in multiple countries. It’s something special.

•The Midnight Meat Train- lesser known, kinda weird, super bloody

•Cabin Fever- gross disease makes you loose your skin. Nasty

•Wrong Turn- basically The Hills Have Eyes but with funner kills

2) The Classic Slashers

•Scream series- one of my faves. Classic story of small town teens with a killer on the loose. Lots of fun

•Friday the Thirteenth- do I have to tell you why this is here?

•Nightmare on Elm Street- Johnny Depp getting turned into a volcano of blood? I’m in.

•Halloween- can’t have Halloween without the movie that took the name, right?

•My Bloody Valentine (the original one)- one of my all time favorite movies. Creepy killer, great group of characters, great time

•Sleepaway Camp- infamous for its batshit ending. Kinda weird ngl, but a classic

•The Town That Dreaded Sundown- Based on a real killer. Oldie, but goodie

•Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon- different take on the slasher genre. Fun look into the life of a movie slasher

•You’re Next- badass female lead? Check. Masked murderers? Check. Family bonding? Uh sure okay

•I Know What You Did Last Summer- secrets are bad. Roll credits

3) Supernatural (demons, ghosts, etc)

•The Conjuring- it’s pretty popular, you know it

•Insidious- also popular. Moral: your body is a ghost hotel

•Sinister- classic demon: likes kids, likes brutal deaths, likes to appear in the background of pictures

•The Exorcist- obviously

•Lights Out- ghosts are scared of light, that’s all you need to know

•The Sixth Sense- not really scary. Actually pretty wholesome. In an “I see dead people” kinda way

•The Rite- priest Anthony Hopkins coughs up nails

•The Omen- aka don’t trust kids

•1408- haunted hotel room. Someone call the ghoul bois

•The Amityville Horror- based on true events. Well at least we know the murders were real and the house is creepy

•The Skeleton Key- Old People+Voodoo= bad time

•Haunting In Connecticut- also a “true” story. Don’t buy a house that used to be a morgue

•The Autopsy Of Jane Doe- boy bonds with dad over dead teenage girl

•Mama- moths are gross, ghosts are worse. Dead Mom from Beetlejuice, but now a movie

•Rosemary’s Baby- dont trust thy neighbor

•The Shinning- classic. That’s all I’ve got to say

•The Orphanage- again: creepy kids

•Stir Of Echos- Kevin Bacon sees ghosts. Must I say more?

•The Others- haunted house story with a twist ending

4) Creature Features

•Trick ‘r Treat- classic Halloween film. Fun, creepy, iconic

•The Ritual- camping trip turns bad. Monster looks really cool

•A Quiet Place- you’ve probably seen it. Jim from the office speaks sign language

•The Babadook- children’s storybook is not kid friendly

•Backcountry- bears are dangerous

•Alien- you’ve seen this already but it needs to be here

•The Descent- dont watch if your claustrophobic

•An American Werewolf In London- also a fave. Best werewolf movie ever made

•The Monster- lesser know, actually pretty good

•The Thing- classic. Super good. Based on a short story. No one can be trusted because you don’t know if they’re even them

5) Horror Comedies

•Zombieland- hysterical. Bloody. Great cast

•Cabin In The Woods- this movie is insane. Combine every horror monster ever, the Illuminati, and the Office- that’s this movie

•Shaun of the Dead- the classic horror comedy

•Scary Movie series- less horror, ridiculous comedy

•This Is The End- again, like no horror, but one of the funniest films ever

6)Found Footage (not a great genre, but some can be pretty entertaining)

•The Blair Witch Project- basically the king of the found footage films. You’ve seen it

•The Conspiracy- the Illuminati is real and they don’t like to be filmed

•Paranormal Activity series- kinda annoying to horror fans. Relies on jump scares and the characters are idiots. But if I’m doing a section on foud footage, this has to be here

•Creep- okay this movie actually really disturbed me. People are absolutely insane. Don’t meet up with people from Craigslist

•V/H/S series- basically a anthology of short horror films. Kinda fun

•Apollo 18- the government faked the moon landing because they found some crazy shit

•The Sacrament- Jonestown caught on camera

•As Above So Below- Paris Catacombs are wack

•Grave Encounters- what if Ghost Adventures actually found ghosts

•Unfriended Dark Web- lets be honest: the first one sucked. Second one is actually not bad. Take away the ghosts, add the black market

•The Poughkeepsie Tapes- lesser know, can be hard to find. Really disturbing. Basically watching a serial killer tape his crimes

•Cold Ground- Set up to look just like it’s out of the seventies. It’s pretty fun

•The Last Exorcism- priests are liers

•Quarantine- English version of [REC]. I wouldn’t say it’s great, but it’s something

•Hell House LLC.- kids set up a haunted house. People die

•The Houses October Built- again with the haunted houses. Don’t trust em

•The Bay- Cabin Fever but found footage-y

•Willow Creek- y’all gotta leave Bigfoot alone

•Lake Mungo- girl drowns, family sees her ghost. No jump scares with this one, like most found footage. Mostly just a family in mourning

•The Tunnel- if the government says to stay out, STAY OUT

•The Taking Of Deborah Logan- alzheimers itself is awful to go through, but let’s add some more spooks

•The Possession Of Michael King- another possession film? Yep they just keep comin

•The Last Broadcast- suspicious murder of tv hosts

6) Family Fun

•Hocus Pocus- okay obviously

•Beetlejuice- dark humor in a “kids” film. Most of the comedy caters to adults, but it’s an awesome film

•Corpse Bride- guy accidentally marries dead girl. Wholesome family fun

•The Nightmare Before Christmas- my fave Disney film. Super cute

•Frankenweenie- dead dog=goodest boy

•Paranorman- sixth sense but now for kids+zombies

•Coraline- Might scar some small children, but I loved it when it came out when I was 8

7) Psychological

•Midsommar- happy cult family holds a festival

•Funny Games- home invasion movie done well. No cheap thrills, just some sadistic shit

•The Strangers- dont answer the door for people wearing masks when it’s not Halloween are you crazy

•The Perfection- artistic, bloody, absolute mind fuck

•Gerald’s Game- sexy time turns not good

•Unsane- imagine being stalked and no one believes you. That’s the premise

•Triangle- ummmmmmmm wtf is happening what time is it??

•It Comes At Night- trust is bad. Paranoia is good.

•The Silence of the Lambs- my personal favorite film. Serial killer helps rookie detective find another serial killer

•Jacob’s Ladder- Vietnam vet struggles with EXTREMELY terrifying visions

AND THERE YOU GO. I have seen plenty more, so if you don’t see one you’d like on this list, hit me up with what kinda movie you’re lookin for and I’ll hook you up amigo

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Psycho Analysis: Christmas Special Villains

(WARNING! This analysis contains SPOILERS!)

Much like I did for Halloween, I wanted to do a bunch of one-shot or at the very least minor Christmas villains, which presented me with an interesting problem – most Christmas specials don’t really have villains. Usually the main obstacle to overcome in any holiday special is some sort of emotional fault of the main character, a lack of belief in the spirit of the holiday, or something to that effect, and when there is an actual villain, it tends to just be ones from the show at large with a Christmas-related scheme. Like I’m not doing Princess Morbucks or the Kanker sisters for this.

Luckily, There were a few I was sure on, and I managed to scrounge up a few more to deliver five lovingly-wrapped holiday villains. We have:

Mrs. Claus from The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy

Ghost Writer from Danny Phantom

Robot Santa from Futurama

Edna Jucation and the Faculty Four from Codename: Kids Next Door

The Woodland Critters from South Park

Here’s the most interesting thing: Despite Christmas stories tending to lean more towards internal conflict and self-reflection, when they do have actual, tangible threats like these, they tend to be honestly and genuinely great. This is in stark contrast to A lot of the villains from the Halloween specials, who tended to just be big scary baddies without much oomph to them.

Actor: Mrs. Claus is portrayed by Carol Kane, an incredibly prolific actress who you may know best as Valerie, the wife of Miracle Max from The Princess Bride. And much like in that film, she manages to be as enjoyable and funny as the guy playing her husband, which is a tall order indeed – in that film it was Billy Crystal, and in the special it’s Gilbert Gottfried.

Ghost Writer is portrayed by Will Arnett of all people. This was post-Gob Bluth but pre-Batman and BoJack, so while not unknown by any stretch it’s definitely weird to go back and see him in a Butch Hartman action cartoon of all places. He does a great job, as to be expected; when has he ever done poorly?

In his first appearance, Robot Santa was voiced by none other than John Goodman. Normally I’d say Goodman would be perfect for the role of Santa, but… this one’s a maniacal robotic serial killer. It’s a wonderfully jarring juxtaposition. After that, John DiMaggio gave Robot Santa a voice for his other appearances, and he does a good job for sure. Obviously he’s no John Goodman, but really, who is?

Edna Jucation is voiced by Candi Milo, and the Faculty Four are played by Dee Bradley Baker and Darran Norris; Baker is the Unintelligible Tutor and Thesaurus Rex, while Norris is Mr. Physically Fitastic and the Human Text. These are all top-tier veteran voice actors, and they do a fine job, but I can’t particularly say they really make any of these characters stand out or be memorable, which is a shame.

As to be expected, the Woodland Critters are voiced by Trey Parker and Matt Stone. Big shock there. Even less shocking is that they are perfectly funny as these depraved animals.

Motivation/Goals: Out of all of these, I think it’s really fitting that Mrs. Claus is the one with the best motivation. As the HEAD head vampire in the North Pole, she has turned Santa into a vampire and put a halt on Christmas because she is overworked and exhausted, having to do all the household chores all year while Santa only works one night. It is absolutely, perfectly understandable that she snapped… but apparently this isn’t even the first time, as Santa mentions at the end this has happened on multiple prior occasions. You think he’d treat her better after the second or third time, but then we wouldn’t have a plot.

I’d say that Ghost Writer and the Woodland Critters are tied for the next spot; both of them have solid reasons for doing what they’re doing. Ghost Writer was just a humble author trying to finish a Christmas story in time for Christmas, but unfortunately this caught the eye of the extremely Scroogey Danny Phantom, who absolutely hates Christmas due to traumatic events caused by his family fighting on Christmas in the past. Danny, in a moment of incredible callousness, blasts the poor ghost’s manuscript to bits and then proceeds to rub it in, which drives GW to breaking the annual truce and using his powers to torment Danny by trapping him in a Christmas story where he and everyone else can only speak in rhyme. It’s honestly hard to feel sympathy for Danny here, but GW does take it a bit too far.

The Woodland Critters, on the other hand, are just utterly depraved… but that’s to be expected seeing as they are the creations of Eric Cartman, inhabiting a Christmas story whose sole reason for existing is to make Kyle look like a tool. In the story, they get Kyle knocked up with the Antichrist. You see, there master is Satan, and they want nothing more than for his spawn to be born into the world. They really just exist as a reason for Cartman to rip on Kyle for being a Jew at Christmastime, as Kyle himself points out in their debut episode.

Edna and the Faculty Four are a bit simple and amusing, as is befitting of a gimmicky villain from The world of the KND. They team up with the Delightful Children because Substitute Teacher’s Day is virtually unknown compared to Christmas, the kind of absurd, wacky reason for villainy you’d expect from a world where some of the most feared supervillains include an evil dentist and a vampire who spanks people. Robot Santa is likewise extremely simple, yet effective: every Christmas he flies down to Earth to punish the naughty – which is everyone except Zoidberg. This is due to a programming oversight that left his standards set way too high, so no one can ever measure up. Except Zoidberg. There’s really not much more to him than that, but really, does their need to be?

Final Fate: Mrs. Claus is redeemed at the end of the special thanks to Billy, who helps her understand the true meaning of Christmas and who heals her husband so that he can apologize. Things seem like they might work out for real this time because now Malcolm McDowell’s vampire is around to help with tidying up, so hooray! Happy ending here!

Ghost Writer gets thwarted because Danny picks up an orange; as Ghost Writer never watched Drake & Josh and thus didn’t realize that “door hinge” is an acceptable rhyme, he was unable to continue writing his story and got beat up by Danny and his rogues gallery and then thrown into Walker’s prison for breaking the yearly truce in the Ghost Zone. At least he got to complete his book?

The Woodland Critters go out when Santa comes in and blasts them away with a shotgun… but since they are technically fictional characters, they show up in Imaginationland to cause problems. Still, it’s reassuring to know they can be taken out with simple firearms.

Edna Jucation, the Faculty Four, and Robot Santa really don’t have any canonical final fate; they just get defeated and then go on their merry way. In Robot Santa’s case, he actually showed up quite a few more times after his initial appearance to wreak havoc, but the Faculty Four and Edna were entirely oneshot antagonists.

Final Thoughts & Score: Christmas honestly fares a lot better than Halloween does as far as I can see. The villains tend to be a lot more thematic, or at the very least they have more personality and thematic function. Halloween doesn’t really have any sort of core themes to work off of as opposed to Christmas, which has a lot of reoccurring themes in works based around it. Still, most of these characters just settle on being funny.

Mrs. Claus and the Woodland Critters are the best of the bunch here, and both earn themselves a spot on the Nice List with a 9/10 each. Mrs. Claus is just a lot of fun, mostly because of the fact she has legitimate grievances on top of being a unique twist on the character. Mrs. Claus as a vampire overlord who commands hordes of vampire elves? That’s the sort of creative wackiness that Billy & Mandy delivered on. The Woodland Critters are just funny, plain and simple, acting as the sort of amusing subversion that could be expected of from South Park in its glory days as well as being totally in line with Cartman’s personality. These are the exact sort of original characters I’d expect from a guy who ground up a kid’s parents and made them into chili, what with their blood orgies and ultraviolence. Amusingly enough, they score a point higher than Cartman did in his own Psycho Analysis, which is mostly due to their limited appearances meaning that they stay remarkably consistent, where Cartman tends to be whatever an episode needs to be, be that hero, anti-hero, or villain.

Next up are Ghost Writer and Robot Santa, who both get 7/10. Ghost Writer is a very amusing oneshot, but it’s honestly weird that out of all the Villains from Danny Phantom, he’s the first one I talked about. You’d think it would be Ember or Vlad or something… at any rate, he’s an amusing antagonist, but he’s also one who it’s hard not to view as being in the right, especially since Danny was just a jerk to him completely unprovoked due to his own personal hangups with the holidays. As usual with fun ideas on the show though he was only ever used once, which is a real shame but at the same time understandable; his gimmick really only works with Christmas, so it would have been weird shoehorning him into another episode’s plot. For what he is, he’s fun.

Robot Santa has a similar problem, not really being able to function outside of Christmas specials, but his few appearances leave him as an amusing antagonist who never really overstays his welcome. He’s not as entertaining or engaging as, say, Mom, but he definitely offers some laughs with his hilarious concept and his ridiculous levels of bloodlust. Points t him for helping out the heroes in the first Futurama movie too.

That just leaves us with Edna and the Faculty Four, and the Faculty Four just manage to scrape onto the bottom of the Nice List with a collective 5/10. They don’t really have much character or personality, especially when compared to the heroic Marvel pastiche that is Elfa Strike, but as brief amusing gag villains meant to pay loving tribute to the Fantastic Four, I think they’re decent. Edna is not so lucky; she’s a bit obnoxious, shrill, and doesn’t really correlate to any sort of Marvel character, which is baffling since the entire episode is one big love letter to Marvel comics. Sad to say, but she’s landing smack dab on the Naughty List with a 2/10. She doesn’t even have a cool gimmick!

I suppose that wraps it up for Christmas special villains. Doing something like this is tough, because it really makes you sit back and wonder what sort of Christmas villains you should put on. Obviously I avoided any theatrical film villains, but that did leave one particularly glaring omission of a villain from a holiday special… a big, green, unpleasant omission. He’s a mean one, for sure...

[aedanstarfang]

Welcome to Morgyn’s Drag Race

I've been away from my blog for quite a while, working on a (stupid) project that has occupied my time. And like all defiantly proud persons, I needed to see through this project to the end...and I also had fun (kinda) working on it. So without further ado, here is the Blogspot premiere of Morgyn's Drag Race: Season One!

Having made its official premiere on August 30, 2020; Morgyn's Drag Race was originally just a fun side-project that blew up into a full size in going 'The Sims' mini series. Meet the Cast

Morgyn Ember

Hailing from the Magic Realm, hidden deep within Glimmerbrook; Morgyn is a non-binary sim though that does not make him ineligible from being one of the sickest drag queens in Sim Nation (look up the real world history of Drag; trans and NB persons were the pioneers of drag culture).

Morgyn introduces himself as the 'head judge' of the inaugural season of Drag Race, alongside his co-judges; Siobhan Fyres and Izzy Fabulous, truly a stylish and LGBTQIA+ inclusive judging panel.

Morgyn's critiques of the queens come from the heart and he laces every critique with a compliment, embracing and appreciating said queen's individuality while criticizing their work. Morgyn can be best described as an fair, constructive and sensitive judge, and unlike real world judge/critics such as Rupaul or Simon Cowell; Morgyn actually critiques the queen's runway rather than barking out trendy one-liners or simply discrediting a queen's work because 'he doesn't like it'.

Siobhan & Izzy make up the rest of the judging panel acting as the defacto Michelle Visage and Santino Rice respectively; though it's a little deeper than that. Siobhan Fyres is more like co-judge 'Stacey McKenzie' of Canada's Drag Race or former Drag Race judge 'Merle Ginsberg', often giving constructive criticism while not shying away from criticizing a queen's sloppiness or lack of runway presence.

Izzy could be compared to ex-Drag Race judge 'Santino Rice', though that comparison falls a little flat when you see that Izzy's personality is less sharp-tongued and 'mean girl'-esque and more blunt and impartial on similar lines as 'Simon Cowell' or 'Piers Morgan'. Izzy openly displays boredom or disinterest within the first few seconds of seeing a queen's runway, and is often chided by Morgyn for being too hasty.

The Pilot or first episode showed us Eliza Pancakes acting as Morgyn's second-in-command as a literal expy of drag race judge 'Michelle Visage', being very quick to dismiss a queen for being weird or different, criticizing a queen's look for not being 'trendy' or 'mainstream' enough and even going so far as taking offense with an Asian queen's pun-name.  She was fired by the second episode and instead blackmailed placed into a hosting position of 'What's In the Bag?', which is basically a Sims version of 'Whatcha Packin?' It's a humorous after show type of series that revolves around Eliza interviewing eliminated queens, all the while getting several jabs in at Morgyn, the producers, the company and of course shading the guest queen themselves.

The Contestants

Morgyn's Drag Race was announced on August of this year, which included a special series of 'Meet the Queens' videos focusing on all twelve of the competing queens. This season I am proud to say that it features a diverse range of queens ranging in size, nationality, gender identity and drag/performance style.

The initial twelve 'meet the queens' videos are still available to watch on my youtube channel, however they will soon be made irrelevant as newer, updated MTQ videos shall take their place - featuring a fluid, solid theme for the promo (which never got an official release oops!)

So without further ado, let's do further and get to know these twelve quirky queens shall we (in alphabetical order)? (*Note: That characters who are competing drag queens are referred to as 'her/she' and 'he/him' interchangeably via the rule of 'when a queen is in drag they are she, when they are out of drag they are he, there are of course expections).

Also, MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD - YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

Baga Trash

Sy Jefferies

AKA "

Baga Trash

" 34, is a well-known drag performer from Windenburg. Now I know what you're probably thinking; "he's an obvious parody of Baga Chipz" well no, not really. While Baga Trash IS a British queen (even if my impression is shite), he was inspired by several different characters and queens including but not limited to 'Tammie Brown' and 'Daphne Moon'. Baga aspires to become the world's top trash queen, and applauds 'trashion' as the style of the future. Interestingly enough, Baga Trash has little to no interest in ANY of the features from Eco Lifestyle, odd since dumpster diving is right up her ally.

Caliente

Nicholas Contreras

aka

"Caliente",

at 24 is one of the youngest competing queens this season right after Terra Ryzen. Caliente prides herself on her youth, beauty and bubbly personality and actively proclaims her "youthful vigor" to be the secret to success. Now what is "youthful vigor" you might ask? Youthful Vigor is the total tetratic composition of youth, attractiveness or beauty, personality and talent. With that mantra in mind, Caliente remains ever cheerful and confident throughout the competition.      Having originally been brought up on a large farm in Brindleton Bay, Caliente was no stranger to receiving the occasional odd glance from passersby as she gallivanted down main street in her pink designer miniskirts and halter tops, and to be honest she loved the attention more than anyone could know, this of course would boost her confidence into moving out to Newcrest where she would officially compete for the title of 'Morgyn's Magical Queen'.

Crow

Corbin Corvidae

AKA

"Crow"

30, is an adventurous and experienced queen hailing from Oasis Springs. As many would point out that Crow has glaringly obvious similarities to a certain

real life queen

and I will be 100% honest, yes Crow is an homage to many former Drag Race queens. Crow's personality I think is what sets her apart and standalone from other queens, both real life and fictitious. The most obvious similarities being Crow's seemingly bitter attitude towards the younger queens (particularly Caliente and Terra Ryzen), which plays into the same trope of "

this is a competition

" and "

blame the edit

". When starting Morgyn's Drag Race, we needed an antithesis to who we figured would be the standout protagonists of the season (being either Galaxia, Lapis or Caliente) and Crow fits that bill nicely.

Crow's moniker stems from her fascination with the color black, darkness, midnight and the very bird itself while the demeanor and overall look of her character is derived from her love of the 1990's film of the same name. Crow's experience and expertise with drag make her a force to be reckoned with, while her demure and sultry demeanor set her apart from the competition. Regardless of how you feel about Miss Crow, no one can deny that she serves some serious looks each time she hits the runway

Extra

Lance Proffitt

(pronounced 'Pro-feet') aka

"Extra"

29, is a professional

"background artist"

from Del Sol Valley, and no we're not talking about the actual profession of the

same name

we're talking about an

extra

, as in an uncredited background character in a film or series. Basically Extra is really talented at not being the lead character in movies or TV.  Extra's personality is kind of a composition of an egotistical and yet eerily self-aware celebrity. Extra doesn't NEED others to remind him that he's a star, because in his world he is already a star. He mentions in his initial "talking head" during Episode One/Pilot that he had background roles in such serials as;

"Touched by an Alien"

,

"Abducted for Real"

and

"The Great Awful Cook-off"

. He also noted in his

"What's In the Bag"

segment with Eliza Pancakes, that he is a musical queen and that his talent for the talent show challenge would have been a live rendition of his hit song;

"Boy is a Bear"

. This is a bit of a spoiler so I rupologize in advance, but even Extra's book title for episode six;

"Suck More"

must be a callback to a certain real world queen, right? Whatever the case, Extra's willing to put int the time so long as you're willing to pay the dime.

Fortuna Cookie

Shūfáng Shāncháhuā ('Shu' for short) aka "Fortuna Cookie" 25, is a young queen from Strangerville who's motto is undoubtedly "here to make it queer", has certainly came to the right show hasn't she? Shu started drag at a shockingly young age; 3, when she dressed up in her mom's clothes and makeup and impersonated 'Miss Piggy' to entertain her family, though they were more red-faced from secondhand-embarrassment than laughter.

  Cookie is a very artistic and personable queen, having done drag professionally since at least high school and performed at the 8-Bells in Strangerville since her university days at Britechester. She was taken in by her would be drag-mother, 'Mint Cookie' and quickly made friends with newfound family; 'Sugar Cookie', 'Fudge Cookie' and 'Samoa Cookie'. Shu's drag name had always just been 'Fortuna' (for luck) before being adopted by the Haus of Cookie, where she became "Fortuna Cookie".

Galaxia

Cosmo Nebulon AKA "Galaxia" 28, is quite possibly the most unique queen in this lineup; not only is she the only queen from Sixam, but also the very first 'Alien' contestant in the series history (but surely not to be the last). Galaxia moved to Del Sol Valley shortly before being cast on "Morgyn's Drag Race", because as he puts it the "drag scene on Sixam is boring!" Self-described 'Xenomorph Queen' Galaxia certainly has a lot in common with real life queens such as 'Alaska' and 'Pandora Boxx', though I think Galaxia's uniqueness in both style and personality make him standout from the crowd, that and he's "a fucking alien!" 

For everyone who's seen the initial airing of the pilot will know that Galaxia is here to bring it on a galactic level, having aced the "Trash to Treasure" challenge seemingly flawlessly (though editing does play a part in EVERY reality series) and unanimously impressed the judging panel, even stone-cold bitch Eliza Pancakes. Spoilers ahead for recently dropped Episode 5; Snatch Game saw Galaxia in the bottom for the first time, but little did her competition know that she was no slouch because she TURNED. IT. OUT! Not one, not two, but three reveals during the lipsync - I COULD NOT, BELIEVE IT (and I'm the one who created everything)"! Clearly Galaxia is not playing around and takes the competition VERY seriously, going so far as to plan ahead for a possible lipsync for your life with three reveals to boot, it's curious what else she had planned up her sleeve for the previous runways and if she had similar reveals planned.

Icy

Myron Frost AKA "Icy" 27, of Willow Creek came to the competition pulling no punches and dressing to impress from the get-go. Icy began drag during her teen years, and started performing professionally during college. Aside from being the series' first black queen to walk through those doors, Icy also brought her own sense of style and class to the initial competition. Professionalism, style, and class are all words synonymous with Icy; a queen who carries herself as though she has already won (because let's be honest, you NEED a fiery attitude in order to get ahead in these sorts of contests). Though behind the confident and stunning exterior, belies a person who detests drama of any sort, and can be seen at any time an argument erupts - Icy is sure to stay out of the line of sight.

When I think of Icy, I think of former Drag Race queens who carried a similar air of confidence, professionalism and style such as Chad Michaels and Jaida Essence Hall, though honestly Icy is as much her own identity as anyone else, and the aforementioned queens merely served as inspiration, vocal fry and all.

Jackqleen Qkwueeen

Jackson King AKA "Jackqleen Qkwueeen" 37, is Magnolia Promenade's premiere expert in classical theater and the bardic arts. And I'm not going to start this article off with a lie, when I conceptualized Jackqleen I had originally envisioned a different kind of queen entirely which can be seen in her original 'Meet the Queens' video, which if I'm being honest, pretty much all of the queens had different personalities and quirks that differ from their current/later personas. Jackqleen was originally supposed to be a faux Shakespearean expert who would occasionally slip into talking with her rural dialect or twang, which I disliked for a multitude of reasons and decided that making Jackqleen a legitimate, classically trained thespian of Magnolia Promenade, was more interesting. And to make her standout vocally and personality-wise, I just kept picturing Frasier Crane. 

Despite having fallen into the bottom two the first episode, and let's be honest that "Trash to Treasure" challenge was not tailored to make everyone look good, which in Jackqleen's case made her look worse than Velvetta Baggins, whom was described as someone having walked out of a day spa. We can't deny that Jackqleen has a refined and sophisticated outlook to drag, and that being a professional theater actor can only help propel her career as a drag artist

Lapis

Bleau Rathbone AKA "Lapis" 31, is one of San Myshuno's most eclectic, eccentric and unique artists. Having performed drag since his nineteenth birthday; Bleau introduced himself in drag to the world of performance art for the first time and then and there 'Lapis' was born (*Note: Lapis prefers to be referred to as 'they/them', but only when in full drag). Lapis' namesake stems from the gemstone itself 'lapis lazuli', the fact that it is mostly blue and their love for the color blue, taking all of these facets into consideration it's not hard to see why Lapis incorporates everything into their drag.

If you've been watching 'Morgyn's Drag Race' since Episode One, then you're already familiar with just how iconic a queen that Lapis is, having served looks since Episode One with the upcoming Episode 7 and 8 possibly being their strongest serves yet. Lapis believes in and identifies with the individual, priding themselves with being as unique and as standout as possible all while continuing to stay on-brand with the Lapis name (everything blue, black, eclectic and electric).

Parsley

Parsley 32, is quite possibly the single-most polarizing figure from 'Morgyn's Drag Race'. Hailing from Evergreen Harbor, Parsley describes herself as being "lean, green and mean" and the "green meanie". The second she steps through the entryway she insults her competition by calling them all "douchebags" (originally calling them "motherfuckers"), and also easily dismisses them as being 'basic', 'boring' and 'not impressive'. With a raspy growly voice that would give Patty & Selma a run for their money. 

Parsley was inundated into the world of drag years back when she lived in San Myshuno and roomed with a popular Drag Queen named 'Darren Leek', who at the time was also her roommate. Darren welcomed Parsley into the Leek family of drag, becoming her drag-mother in the process. Though Parsley stood out from the crowd, having picked a green theme and sticking to it, she polarized a large majority of folks she came into contact with, many finding her to be rude while others found her to be downright terrifying. Parsley's own drag-mother, Darren Leek cut ties with her because of her behavior, and quite possibly out of fear.

Terra Ryzen

Scotch Golddig

AKA

"Terra Ryzen"

22, is another queen hailing from Strangerville and is also the youngest competing queen in the competition to date. Some who have browsed the Sims reddit may remember Scotch making a few appearances

pre-drag race

as "

Florida Man

", a member of the infamous "Golddig" clan; a family of reputed 'gold-diggers' who are always looking for their next claim. His grandmother, 'Dusty Bones' made occasional appearances on reddit as a burnt-out version of '

Matilda the Chef

'.

Terra enters the competition as the youngest queen and also the most inexperienced, asking the more experienced queens for help with her makeup and nails shortly after making her entrance. Terra is almost immediately denigrated by her older, more experiences co-competitors as being "busted" and looking a "mess", though despite all that Terra manages to maintain a confidence bordering on cockiness that she will succeed and in fact win the competition, though anyone having seen the first episode will know Terra's ultimate fate.

Velvetta Baggins

Wilberforce Armitage XVII AKA "Velvetta Baggins", is an oldschool queen from Windenburg. She speaks with a High-British or a classically 'posh British' accent, and frequently bemoans about all of the times that the French ave supposedly terrorized her and her comrades while on active duty during the war, which war you ask? She can't remember, though it was likely sometime during the ice age as woolly mammoths and spear-throwing cavemen were involved. The running gag involving Velvetta is that she is old, like really very old. In truth she is probably somewhere around 50-55 years old, however Caliente refers to Velvetta as being "90" in her talking head and Terra Ryzen speculates that she is from the Mesozoic era, basically Velvetta is the oldest queen of the season which makes her target for everyone else. A pianist classically trained in the styles of baroque, Velvetta has entertained audiences for generations and continues to do so using her oldschool style, while fellow Windenburg queen Baga Trash utilizes modern pop culture and of course 'rubbish' to entertain audiences. What's interesting about fellow Windenburg Queens; Velvetta and Baga Trash is that they are both so intrinsically different, despite hailing from the same place. It can be argued that since Velvetta has been performing drag at a time since before Baga Trash, that the two styles will naturally be different.

I think the truth of the matter is that Velvetta is just another quirky, cooky queen with a bizarre sense of humor and a unique self-styled sense of fashion, not unlike Tammie Brown. The constant callbacks to the wartime tactics and the French are either a clever joke in the guise of obfuscating reality or she actually is senile and is suffering from false memories, either way Velvetta certainly is an interesting queen to have on the stage.

So now that you've gotten to know our judges, and all twelve contestants on a more personal level, maybe you will remember to set that timer to watch 'Morgyn's Drag Race' this Sunday, at 12:45 PM Pacific Standard Time.

[purplesurveys]

610

What is a question you get asked too much? On these surveys, it’s definitely the color of my nails. :) :) :) Haha but in real life, it’s “How your sem?” which can get tiring as a conversation starter but which I appreciate nonetheless because it’s a way for us to look out for one another. Worst grade you've ever gotten? In high school, I managed to get the lowest possible grade my school gives, which is a 68 but that was on an examination; the lowest grade I got in my card was a 78. In college, my lowest mark was a 2.50 from a fucking econ class, which is probably equivalent to a C in the other side of the world. Do you like colorful sharpies? No, I don’t really use them a lot. Do you do chores? We’re all expected to wash our own dishes in the house but other than that my mom prefers doing all the tasks. Who is someone you haven't seen in a while? Angela, definitely. I don’t think I’ve seen her since her birthday in September.

Do you think double-jointed people can type better than most people? I don’t know any double-jointed people and I know even less about their typing speeds lol. Do you have nice neighbors? They don’t make fusses and there’s like zero drama in the neighborhood all year so I guess that makes them nice. Some kids are fucking annoying though and like to play INSIDE OUR GARAGE and ON OUR PATIO. I literally just demanded my parents this weekend to have a big ass gate made (with spikes, preferably hahahaha jk) so these kids can’t find their way to our house anymore. How many pets do you have? I claim ownership for one pet, which is my own dog, but we also have a cat in the house. It belongs to my sister and I’m not close with it. What is your favorite website? Wikipedia. If you find the right topic, it’ll pull you in like a black hole and you’ll be reading up articles for HOURS. It’s been happening to me since 2008 lmao. Last present you bought for someone? The last ever gift I bought before tapping out was a pair of cute Marikina sandals for Gab’s sister. But that day I also bought Instax film for my sister, a garlic press for Gab’s dad, and massage oils for Gab’s mom. Who did you hang out with last night? I was alone last night and was in my room reading about serial killers by 7:30 PM hahahaha. What is the reason behind the last time you laughed? I was watching Try Guys videos before falling asleep last night and they’re funny guys, so. Are you more clumsy or graceful? Clumsy... I don’t think I’ve ever been described as graceful. More shy or outgoing? Shy. But outgoing if with the right people. What is your favorite fruit? Avocado, I guess. Who are your 3 closest friends? Gabie and Angela are my two best friends but then all my friends after them are kinda equal in terms of how close I am with them... I guess my second-closest friend would be Laurice. Are you in a good mood? A little bit, because we’re seeing the fun side of family today. But I’ll generally be sad by default in the next few days just because it’s Christmas season, and I don’t like the holidays. Do you like Mexican food? Sure, I crave them occasionally. What’s your favorite month? April, because birth month. Do you like myspace? I didn’t enjoy it in the brief time I had it just because it was such a foreign thing, both figuratively and literally – I was *very* new to the internet so I didn’t quite understand the early social media culture just yet, and Myspace also was never a thing here because everyone was using Friendster and/or Multiply in Asia. What did you last eat? McDonald’s fried chicken. What is your favorite hobby? Right now, it’s gem/diamond painting. Gab got me a set for Christmas (she allowed me to open it early so I can deal with the depression early haha) and it’s super therapeutic and, I now realize, more fun than coloring. What is something you have always wanted to do? Go outside of Asia. What time is it? Exactly 8:45 AM. What are you listening to? I can hear my mom’s very loud and powerful fan upstairs, but I also hear her shuffling in the kitchen as she’s making breakfast. Are you better at math or spelling? Spelling. What color are your eyes? They are dark brown. Is the sun shining? Yes. Do you like the smell of cinnamon? Now that it’s breakfast time I would certainly enjoy smelling it. Do you ever go camping? I’ve never done it before.

Last thing that creeped you out? I was watching a Try Guys video where they tried to drive while sleep-deprived, and the first half of the video was them vlogging their experience staying up the entire night – by 4 AM they were a bit delirious and they plugged in this weird montage of distorted hallucinations with sounds of children laughing, and I really didn’t enjoy that lol. Have you ever climbed through a window? I don’t think I have, no. We were locked out of the house once but we made my sister climb one of the windows because she was absolutely stick-thin as a kid. Do you like rock or rap better? Rock. Are you in a relationship? Yes. Do you like the band Hollywood Undead? I was never a fan. What was your favorite music video of 2008? I was only watching Beyoncé videos at that point hahahaaaaa. My favorite video of hers from 2008 was Diva. Are you wearing socks? Nope. Last candy you ate? I had a Crunch bar the other day. What is something that grosses you out? Accidentally touching food that already landed in the sink and is soaking wet. Do you take more than 10 surveys a day? Nah, not anymore. That was me when I started though. Do you prefer summer or winter? Winter, even though I’ve never experienced it yet and just because I mostly dislike summer. Do you watch football? No. I never got the hype but I am willing to watch Gab’s sisters’, who both play football, games. When do you usually go to bed? It’s always different. I can go to bed by 8:30 or at 4 AM, or in between. When did you last login to myspace? 2009, maybe. Who is the last person you called? My mom. What do you like about Tuesdays? That’s my car’s coding day, so that means I get to use one of the family cars which is slightly larger but looks a hella lot more luxurious lol. Do you like Taco Bell? Love Taco Bell. Sucks that it’s only in malls I never ever go to.

[allthefilmsiveseenforfree]

Happy Death Day 2U

The horror sequel - a genre defined by cold hard cash, masked slashers, and not a lot else. Oh sure, sometimes the second trip is twice as nice (think the perfection of the formula in Bride of Frankenstein or continually redefining your genre like Dawn of the Dead), and since the 90s we’ve gotten some more self-aware fare that enjoys playing with conventions. But for the most part, you sit down for a sequel, you can expect a pretty solid retread of the first movie, right? Take that concept to its logical extreme, and you get Happy Death Day 2U, the sequel to 2017′s Happy Death Day. You know, the movie about the girl named Tree (Jessica Rothe) who has a masked killer after her, and keeps waking up Groundhog Day-style every time she dies? She [SPOILER] finally breaks her time loop by becoming a better person and figuring out who her killer is and then time moves forward and everything is groovy, right? But in the sequel, through a series of sciency mishaps, she gets slapped right back into that same time loop and keeps waking up on the exact same day as in the original. That’s BALLSY AS HELL for a sequel, and a real gamble to take. Does it pay off? Well...

Honestly, YES. My expectations were high, because I really loved the first one. I thought it was interesting, inventive, and I genuinely cared about Tree and the rest of the characters. This sequel takes all of that good stuff and instead of Groundhog Day gives us Back to the Future - there’s a science Maguffin that’s the root of the problem and Tree and friends have to spend the whole movie figuring out how to fix the time loop with a twist - instead of being in the exact same day she was in before, Tree is stuck in a version of that day in a parallel dimension in the multiverse. And in this version, she’s no longer with Carter (Israel Broussard), but her mom (Missy Yager) is alive. Not only does she have to choose which dimension she wants to live in, but she still has to deal with the same bullshit she figured out in the original (like a rogue serial killer, a different masked killer, and lots and lots of deaths to reset the day that are slowly wrecking her body). It’s a clever twist on the original that keeps you in the same general world of the first one’s story but with enough changes so that you don’t quite know what to expect. I think it’s pretty great storytelling.

Some thoughts:

I know college is weird but honestly, who practices tuba in the hallway at 9 am? And why is the masked killer not after THAT guy?

Love the touches that really make this science lab feel authentic, like repeated notes on the whiteboard to “stop stealing my food,” a broke down couch from the Nixon administration, and a half-finished game of Settlers of Catan on the shitty coffee table. I can almost smell the burnt coffee through the screen.

Love the “OK - recap” montage that takes place so Tree can catch Ryan (Phi Vu) and the audience about the events of the first movie. It’s quick and efficient and actually works within the umbrella of the story.

I did have to laugh at Ryan’s quote, “That’s not possible. That’s not what [sciency Maguffin] was designed to do.” Like, you claim to be doing your thesis on quantum mechanics and you just said that sentence like it doesn’t describe 90% of all scientific discoveries????

Crazy Unhinged Tree when she realizes she’s stuck in another time loop is one of my favorite performances of the year. 

Speaking of, Jessica Rothe does most of the heavy lifting here as in the first one, and she’s just such a great comedic and dramatic actress. You can see her development as a character from the first film, but now she’s stuck in this horrendous Sophie’s Choice situation and she plays the hell out of it. There aren’t that many horror movies that are this rooted in one character and really digs into their interior emotions. One of the things I love about Blumhouse is that it allows this type of storytelling to take place in these sort of unique genre mashups under the horror umbrella.

I appreciate that the dilemma Tree faces isn’t as simple as Mom vs. Boyfriend. She has to confront whether she wants to center her life around the past or the future, and the love story is only one small part of that. It’s enough of a distinction to allow Tree to be more than just a lovesick girl - instead she has to grapple with who she wants to be as a result of who she’s been. 

Even though the montage of Tree’s attempts to figure out the science necessary to fix the Maguffin is super entertaining, I still really hate that Paramore song. 

They lean hard into the Back to the Future vibes this time around and it’s delightful. There are music cues that borrow from the BttF soundtrack, there are visual cues featuring a clock tower, and obviously there’s the requisite race against time. 

I have to applaud the ingenuity of that last kill. Magnets, man. Truly inspired.

Not sure why the ending was so abrupt and rushed, but at least it didn’t force some horrible waste of a scene after the main resolution, so I guess that’s better?

Also, make sure to stick around for a solid post-credits scene that seems to be setting up a threequel? Even if it doesn’t yield another movie, the scene is a fun way to end, for sure.

I can’t recommend this movie enough as a fun time and a great follow-up to the original. If you haven’t seen the first one, definitely check it out and then make this one a double-feature!

[saints-row-2]

film watch day 31: Every Halloween Film

happy Halloween today i watched every Halloween film currently available to me. i couldnt get to rewatch Halloween 2018 but i already wrote about it a couple of weeks back so feel free to revisit that post. anyway, i watched ten Halloween movies today. It took around 17 hours. i started at 11:15am and im writing this now at 6 am.

so lets get to the post. for the most part i went in chronological order, except i chose to start with Rob Zombie’s remakes because i knew if i didnt id be finishing the day by watching them at the break of dawn and the idea of doing that was so fucking putrid to me that i decided to get them out of the way first.

Halloween (2007)

i hate this fucking movie. i mentioned in an ask the other day but im happy to repeat here, i dont hate the idea of expanding on Michael’s backstory. like the fact is we largely know his backstory, the issue is how this film chose to portray it. the original Halloween is frightening because its based around the idea that the seemingly safe, quiet suburbs are not as safe as they seem; you can be on a street youve known your entire life, only a few metres from your own home, and still at risk. the whole idea of showing Michael as a murderer when he was six is to tell us that anyone could be a threat, that our conventions that all killers are a particular kind of person is false.

Halloween 2007 says fuck that, we know what serial killers are, and theyre those poor kids who come from shitty neighbourhoods and have abusive parents and mothers who are sex workers. everything that Halloween brings to the table is fucking tedious, played out, and massively uninspired. it wants to bring us the truth about why Michael is like he is, but Rob Zombie’s only understanding of serial killers is in the cliche and exploitative. he has nothing honest about human nature to show us, only the exact same stories that have been fed to us by crime and horror movies past.

this film is incredibly loud and in fucking constant motion. even on steady shots of still scenes the camera constantly shakes, and in every other scene its always whirling around from tracking shot to panning over the scene to just idly zooming in and out of nothing. Zombie’s favourite shot is to have something large and out of focus in the foreground -- like some plants -- and to shoot the characters standing about six feet away muttering to themselves. every single fucking shot in this movie lingers too long, every scene drags a little longer than it needs to. this film moves with the pace that i would describe as “family guy gag”.

and this film is so loud. people are always talking or screaming, largely about nothing important or interesting. theres always music, but it never particularly adds anything; for reasons i fail to fucking understand the entirety of the original theme plays over mostly uninteresting tracking shots of a minor character walking around yelling filler lines about nothing.

the writing is horseshit. everyone in this film is vile, no one talks or behaves like real human beings. almost every exchange in this movie is the characters saying the exact same thing back and forth inanely, frequently punctuated by screaming FUCK as loudly as possible and talking about sex in a way that 40 year old men really really wished teenage girls talk about sex. Halloween (2007) is thoughtlessly gross and mean and nasty, disconnected from any kind of human sensitivity and empathy. it wants to be complicated and to be deep but its crushingly simplistic and stupid. the only thing that redeems it is that its not Halloween II (2009). speaking of which...

Halloween II (2009)

jesus christ this movie is so fucking boring. Halloween II is two hours long but feels like its about twenty hours long. i felt like i was watching this film for twenty days and twenty nights. i was trapped in an eternal purgatory with this movie.

i really cant fucking emphasise how boring this film is. endless scene after scene of nothing of consequence happening, uninteresting death scenes that add nothing, and Michael wandering around doing jack shit. Halloween II fucking made Michael Myers boring, and im saying this as someone who (as i repeat once every 8 seconds) has a tattoo of him. this film couldnt hold MY interest in two of my favourite characters of all time.

the big fun new addition from the first movie is the presence of Michael and Laurie’s mother as a kind of weird goth ghost guiding Michael to kill. i dont know why Michael had to be Jason Voorhees and be a mommy’s boy all of a sudden, but this addition brings absolutely nothing of interest to the film or to his character. its meant to be symbolic of fucking... something im sure, but it feels meaningless. somehow Michael and Laurie are both able to see and interact with this ghost and the ghost has an agenda to do... something? it feels about as intelligent and coherent as the bullshit cult of thorne shit from 6, but a lot less fun. at some point Michael Myers apparently has mind control powers?

not to repeat myself a hundred fucking times but this film is insanely unpleasant to watch. every scene someone is screaming, generally wailing “fuck you bitch” at anyone in their vicinity. this is two hours of people howling swear words at each other and not infrequently making rape jokes. Rob Zombie loves rape jokes! almost as much as he loves putting sexual assault in his movies over and over again for no reason.

there is nothing to enjoy in this film. theres nothing to gain. there is too much slow-mo and far too many strobe lights and absolutely nothing of any intelligence or grace. Halloween II is a thirteen year old boy in a korn T-shirt calling his mom a bitch while he draws zombies on  the back of his homework, which he will get an F for because the only thing he wrote was “reading is for faggots”.

Halloween (1978)

what the fuck can i say. this is one of the greatest horror movies ever made, if not the greatest. its one of my favourite movies. its forty years old and still just as chilling and frightening as it ever was. it has some shot composition and cinematography thats up with the best ive ever seen, all while being shot on a budget of $300,000. it does more with less than just about any film, launched the slasher genre, shot Jamie Lee Curtis to stardom and created a pop culture icon that stayed strong for decades. its a masterclass in tension and suspense, a lean-cut perfectly paced film with heaps of atmosphere and character.

i love this film with a frantic passion that makes me unable to talk about it in a particularly helpful way. i cant “review” Halloween. I love this film beyond reason and sense and you either get it or you dont.

Halloween II (1981)

Halloween II is largely one of the less remembered entries in the franchise; its a decent enough movie, neither matching up to the highs of the original or the lows of the later films. its a pretty enjoyable little film, created under the logic of ‘well the first one did well, lets do the same thing again’. Carpenter wrote the script but didn’t direct, and while the film has a solid story, the directing lacks his signature flair. its hard to pinpoint, because the film is generally fairly well-shot, but lacks a kind of eye for shot composition that Carpenter made look easy, doesnt have as much patience for suspense.

on its own merits, theres still some great shots and great scenes in the movie. and a lot of really cool kills; II got a lot more creative with what Michael was capable of, and i think the boiling water drowning kill is rightfully pretty infamous.

this was the last Halloween movie Carpenter wrote, and it was the film where the idea of Laurie and Michael being siblings was introduced. and believe me ill defend this fucking decision to the grave. adding the human connection between Michael and Laurie gives a whole other layer to their relationship thats so fascinating to me, and i love that other films try to expand on the themes of family. in general, deciding that this film would continue to focus on Laurie and not do what later slashers did with bouncing around between different casts was a great fucking move, ironically for a franchise that was intended to be an anthology.

quietly exploring the aftermath of the first film was a good idea for a follow-up, and i especially really enjoy Loomis’ role in this movie, and his discussion about who Myers is. the biggest disappointment for me personally is that Laurie lacks a lot of presence in this film. Curtis is great, as always, but the movie dawdles on some side characters who are too disconnected from her to get a sense of what shes going through.

all that being said, Halloween II is decent. the ending is really great, with some really powerful shots. Michael bleeding from the eyes of his mask after Laurie shoots him is one of the best fucking images in horror and him swinging blindly as Laurie and Loomis slowly orchestrate his death is a fucking amazing scene. i have an immense fondness for this movie, with all its flaws. it brings a lot of really cool concepts to the table, and i think it deserves some appreciation.

heres a question tho; where the fuck were Laurie’s parents. theres a suggestion theyre missing, but theres no explanation why and we never hear from them. did michael kill them too? hello? mr and mrs strode? your daughter just fucking killed a guy and all her friends are dead. where the fuck are you.

Halloween III: Season of the Witch

Halloween III is infamous as being the Halloween movie that isn’t about Michael Myers at all. when it first released it was wildly unpopular and remained so for quite a while, but has had a surge in popularity over the last few years. i think just about every horror critic i know now considers Halloween III one of the best in the franchise. and to be fair to it, its a great little movie. not a slasher at all but rather a conspiracy thriller, Halloween III is all about the mystery of what the Silver Shamrock mask-making company are really up to, and why people are disappearing. its a weird and creative little movie, with some really fucking great practical effects that turn it from just being a thriller to being an all-out horror film. it has a few too many ineffective jumpscares and some of the plot twists are kind of disappointing and feel a little too much like the easy option -- and then others are so wildly bizarre no one would see them coming because theyre fucking completely out there. but i kind of love that sort of nonsense in a horror movie. like lets just have a fucking good time in here for once in our fucking lives.

Halloween III is not a perfect or even a really great movie, but yknow, fuck it. the idea that only perfect films are worth watching is dumb. i appreciate the weird shit this film tried and i think it deserves a lot more respect than what it got; if it had been released under another title it probably would have gone down as a classic instead of being derided for years, you ask me.

now things start going rapidly downhill

Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers

Halloween 4 is when Jamie is introduced as the new final girl; Laurie’s seven year old daughter, after Laurie herself died off-screen in a fucking car crash. the decision to kill off Laurie came from Jamie Lee Curtis decided not to return to the character and instead of recasting her, they went with just having her… die. off-screen. in the franchise where the previous two movies were about her triumph and determination to stay alive. like its the casual thoughtlessness of this that, the idea no one would give a shit a character returned, that in my eyes epitomises how fucking little anyone cared about this franchise going forward.

man the idea of Laurie dying completely irrelevant to Michael… thats a lot. anyway continuing on his quest to erase anyone related to him, Michael starts targeting his niece Jamie for the three movies in the franchise. this is where the series started rapidly losing any grip on reality. while Michael always had some kind of superhuman elements to him (he took six bullets to the chest and survived in the first movie) these became increasingly wildly exaggerated. now hes crushing peoples skulls with his bare hands shit like what the fuck. first of all do that to me and secondly, it was this kind of slide into unreality that let the supernatural elements of the series creep in further until you end up with the shitshow that is Halloween 6. like it was the decrease in the impact of violence and human life that really fucked this franchise over.

this film is not great. its a definite decline in quality after 2 and was on the slippery slope downwards. it has some high points, primarily in Dr Loomis. Donald Pleasance is a better actor than most movies deserve and brings gravitas to a role that in the hands of a less capable actor would be laughable. his sincere plea to Michael at one point to just kill him instead of going after Jamie is honestly fucking tragic.

outside of that, the film isnt massively interesting. Michael himself isnt particularly threatening or engaging, and his mask looks like shit in this film. the characters in this film are largely very stupid, also, which doesnt help anything much.

Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers

if theres a Halloween movie people talk about the least, its this one. II has the sibling twist, III is the black sheep, 4 is the return, even 6 gets talked about for its troubled production history. no one has anything to say about Halloween 5. and thats mostly because there is fucking nothing to say about Halloween 5. it is a relentlessly fucking dull movie that pads out its 100 minute run time with endless unnecessary scenes of shit that does… nothing. this film is dull in a way that i find incredibly detestable. i cant even watch it through a haze of impassioned anger like i can with the also incredible dull Halloween II (2009). its just fucking boring. every single scene drags like its trying to walk on two broken legs. the plot is so bare bones its nonsensical. it constantly adds new characters and new elements but all that does is makes it more incoherent and confusing. watching this movie i literally found my fucking eyes glazing over in my skull. if this film was edited correctly it would be twenty minutes long. i cannot fucking emphasise enough how much of relentless slog it is. Halloween 4 was dull but even that had the lifeline of ‘some cool ideas’. Halloween 5 is nothing. Halloween 5 is puddle dirt water.

Halloween 6: The Curse of Michael Myers

if Halloween 5 is puddle dirt water Halloween 6 is just a fresh hot glass of piss. there are two versions of Halloween 6, the director’s cut and the theatrical release, and both are wretched. this film went full ham with introducing the supernatural elements, telling us that Michael was his whole life psychically controlled by a pagan cult called the Cult of Thorne in order to make Halloween scary again or summon the devil or who fucking cares. this movie is fucking insufferably dull, totally absurd, and wildly unsympathetic. i loathe Halloween 6 and every terrible, stupid plot decision it makes. Paul Rudd defeats Michael Myers by drawing druid symbols on the ground and Michael just gives up and lies down. theres a baby that does nothing and serves no purpose. Halloween is apparently banned in Haddonfield, which makes this more closely related to Footloose than Halloween i think. this film takes itself incredibly seriously while spouting nothing but total fucking bullshit drivel and i dont believe that anyone involved in this movie, from the cast to the cameraman to the guy who served the lunch had any faith in this movie outside of the vague hope it might make money and i wish this movie had been burned at the stake. also i hate Paul Rudd.

Halloween H20: 20 Years Later

oh thank fucking god finally some good fucking food. Halloween H20 took the decision to retcon all the sequels (except II) twenty years before Halloween 2018, proving that everyone knew 5 and 6 were fucking mistakes.

this film loses a lot of the Halloween feeling in favour of making a more generic late 1990s/early 2000s style horror. theres nothing particularly interesting about the way this movie is directed or shot, the music is largely very generic, it has a generally uninteresting glossy quality to it that studio movies always do. its very obvious this movie was inspired by Scream and it looks a lot more like Scream than it does Halloween. all of this makes me kind of sad, but other films in the franchise have proved that other directors generally are not capable of imitating Carpenter’s style so maybe its better they dont really try.

what H20 does so well, and the reason i love it so much, is that it explores the relationship between Michael and Laurie, which is something im endlessly fascinated with. this was the first movie to have Laurie shake off her fear and rise up against Michael, and while it doesnt do it with quite as much depth and intelligence as Halloween 2018, it still has a fucking good crack at Laurie’s character, and its still powerful watching her turn on the man who terrorised her for years. Michael is great in this movie too; while he has a terrible mask, watching him back on his shit as a furious force of nature who wants nothing more than to destroy anyone who gets in his way.

honestly i kind of enjoy having a Halloween in a different style; theres something fun about seeing characters recontextualised and done with justice and empathy. most of the Halloween sequels before this one (and after, looking at Resurrection) are shallow, unconcerned with any kind of emotional depth or personality. and while a lot of the stock filler characters in H20 who are lined up for the chopping block arent that interesting and dont particularly standout, watching Jamie Lee Curtis’ performance and seeing her interplay with Michael is enough. and most of the side characters arent particularly annoying, which is more than i can say for half this franchise.

this film also has what is one of my absolute favourite endings in a movie ever; the final confrontation between Michael and Laurie has a particular interaction between them that i absolutely adore and that alone is enough to make this movie one of my favourites.

H20 isnt perfect; it weirdly feels like a blueprint that Halloween 2018 would later refine into a better movie, but the idea its going to be completely disregarded for Halloween 2018 in the future makes me a little sad. in the face of so many fucking mediocre and awful Halloween sequels it did the right thing in trying to focus on what actually mattered; the connection between Michael and Laurie, although i dont feel like it succeeded in making Michael as scary as 2018 would much later. that said, the shot where Michael and Laurie just stare at each other through the glass of a window? that gives me chills every time. and hearing the Halloween theme kick in as Laurie marches off into the school with an axe looking for Michael is so fucking triumphant.

i love H20 even if Michael’s mask looks like his hair was dunked in a bucket of water and then gently blow-dried. i have no idea why it looks so fucking stupid in this movie. why is it so hard to get Michael’s mask right. you wouldnt think it was that fucking hard. anyway, i really fucking love Laurie Strode a lot, which didnt help to make Resurrection any easier to swallow.

Halloween: Resurrection

so whats the obvious thing to do after you have a movie where the power and emotion all comes from the emotional catharsis of seeing a woman get her vengeance on her tormentor? you, uh, make a sequel in which she is immediately defeated and pointlessly killed after its revealed her victory at the end of the previous film was entirely false, and then you never return to focus on her and instead introduce a horde of entirely uninteresting stock characters. yeah, makes sense.

Resurrection is fucking incredibly stupid, in the kind of fucking hysterical way only really bad horror movies can capture. theres absolutely nothing of Halloween in this other than the presence of Michael, who just as easily could have been replaced with anyone or anything. the story has a group of people on a reality show staying in the Myers house to… stay there? its not entirely clear what the challenge is meant to be, other than to just be inside the house, which i imagine gets to be pretty dull viewing pretty quickly. theres no suggestion theyre like, hunting for ghosts or something along those lines, theyre just… looking at stuff.

Michael slopes around this movie like he doesnt fucking understand where he is or whats going on, an entirely out of place relic of better times past while the cast cavorts around him doing nothing of interest and having no plots or characterisation to speak of. the film has exactly two or three funny moments, including the legendary ‘Michael Myers getting electrocuted in the dick by Busta Rhymes’, but youre way, way better off just looking that up on youtube instead of watching this movie. there is an hour of pointless plot development about characters no one cares about until Michael starts fucking killing people. this movie shouldnt exist and we should all go back to pretending it doesnt.

and thats it. thats all the halloween films. i can die now.

[foxycrafter]

Compass part 6

Part 1 http://foxycrafter.tumblr.com/post/174249876650/compass

part 5 http://foxycrafter.tumblr.com/post/174466811620/compass-part-5

After a short goodbye Marinette found herself in a car being driven home, it was a bit surreal to be treated like this, but she couldn’t say she hated it. After getting home she started a short shift in the bakery, she always liked helping her parents out when she could, and working also helped her to relax, and she really did need to relax.

Alya called around at 3 to see how her morning had gone and also to check on how her friend was holding up. She found Mari working with a smile on her face and a light blush on her cheeks, and she was sure that it was more to do with what was about to come rather than what had happened.  She went upstairs to Mari’s room while she waited for her friend to finish up and for the next three hours they chatted and planned out what Marinette could do if she needed to escape.

“Not that I think you will need to run gurl, but if anything, just shoot me a message and I will call you and give you a bail out.” Alya said and Mari laughed at that, it did seem like the best plan, but why was she so nervous, why did she even think she might need a way out?  The truth of it was she didn’t, but she felt like she should, after the lovely morning she had had with Adrien, she felt simply terrible that she was now going on a date with a different boy, it almost felt like she was cheating!

She sat back and looked at her phone, she had received two messages from Adrien and one from Luka. Adrien had thanked her for coming over to see him, and then apologised if his father seemed rude. She replied saying it was fine and it was not rude at all, and that she had stayed later than planned anyway so it was okay.

Luka had text her asking if she liked sweet or salty popcorn.  She replied saying she liked both. Alya was raising her brow to it and more so now that she had checked the film times. “Gurl are you sure he said horror movies?” she asked, and Mari nodded her head. “Well I just checked all the cinemas around and not a single one is showing any horror movies.  And who asks popcorn preference before arriving at the cinema?”

It did seem a little strange, but it was what he had said. Alya left at 7 to give Mari time to get washed up and changed, she had told her parents about the ‘date’ but had said she was going out with a friend, they nodded and said that they already knew about it and to have fun, which was also a bit strange, how had they known? Did Luka say it to them when he was leaving?

She was getting more and more flustered as she was trying to think about what he might have planned, after all, he had just asked if she liked horror and said he would pick her up at eight. Maybe it wasn’t a date, maybe she was over thinking it, maybe he had something else planned, maybe he was a murderer! No no he was too nice to be a murderer right? But then maybe that was just to lure his victims into a false sense of ‘KNOCK KNOCK’ “AAAAHHHHH!!” she screamed, and her mother popped her head up from the trap door.

“Marinette, your friend is here” she said and Marinette looked at her in wide eyed terror, was it eight already? really? How had it gotten that late? What was she going to do? She felt herself hyperventilating but then she heard her dad telling Luka to head on up to her. Her heart stopped, her mom disappeared only to have a blue tipped mop of hair replace it. Luka Couffaine with his wonderful eyes and relaxed demeanour slunk into her room like it was the most natural thing in the world for him, and he smiled for a brief second until he seen her expression.

“Are you okay?” he asked and the concern came off him in waves, it was obvious that he was not going to do anything weird just from the look on his face. But she wasn’t really able to say anything in reply to this, as a result Luka walked over to her slowly and just wrapped his arms around her. “Sorry Mari, I didn’t want to upset you, if you don’t want to come it’s fine, I guess I just assumed-” he said in a soft voice and she began shaking her head rapidly “N-no, I can, It’s okay, I just… I was”

He pulled back from the hug and smiled at her. “You sure?” he asked and she nodded to him with a soft smile, he was really good at calming her down. “Yes, I’m sure, sorry, I just get a bit nervous sometimes” She said and Luka just pointed at himself as if to say ‘of me?’ and she nodded. This brought a small blush to Luka’s cheeks and Marinette’s eyes widened a little as a result. He was adorable!

After she got her bag and coat they went down stairs where her parents were waiting, he smiled to them and Marinette hurried past to avoid embarrassment, but Luka stayed behind. “This is my phone number, I will be sure to keep her safe, and I will have her home before 12. Thank you for letting me have her out that late though, I know it is a lot to ask, but it really is the best time for the place I am bringing her” he said and Mari’s parents just smiled and nodded. It was nice to see him doing that, she never even thought about the idea of him asking permission to take her somewhere. But weren’t they just going to a cinema?

--

Luka had brought her to a more run down area of Paris, and had he not calmed her down earlier and given all his details to her parents, she might be thinking along the lines of serial killer again, but as he pushed open a slightly rusted door and held out his hand to her, she didn’t hesitate to take it. They walked hand in hand up five flights of stairs only to emerge on the roof of the old building. “I found this place when I was twelve. I liked to explore a lot and mum trusted me to be careful, and when I made this discovery I adopted it as a secret base of sorts” He said, and Marinette found her curiosity clawing to know more, she could see a section of the roof that was partially blocked off by sheets hanging up, and that was where he led her.

He pulled back the sheets to reveal a personal alcove of sorts, Fairy lights twinkled brightly and a couch was placed in the center, there was a table and chairs a small stage area that had a few different guitars leaning to a wall, and a white sheet was hung up on a wall. She looked up to see an old glass roof and realised that this was possibly at one time a conservatory. The stars were visible and it was all very beautiful. In a way it reminded her of what Chat had done for Ladybug. So that must have meant…

Her heart was in her mouth as she turned back to Luka “is it too much?” he asked, and she could feel tears in her eyes. His expression changed to worry again, but she just ran to him and hugged him, it was all perfect. She smiled into his chest and she could hear the sigh of relief he emitted as he rested his head on hers. He really had worked hard on this. “I wanted it to be memorable” he said softly, and she just nodded, not really knowing what to say or even do, but Luka seemed too.

He pulled her back and took her hand, he led her to the couch and on the table in front of them was bags sweets and two large covered bowls. There was also a projector and he clicked it on and opened a laptop he had sitting next to it. It was then that it made sense, he was going to play a horror movie here, and the bowls must have been the popcorn. She sat down and after he finished up he took both of the bowls and sat next to her “I burned the sweet popcorn a bit, Sorry” he said and she laughed. It was so comfortable with him that all her nerves seemed to melt away.

The movie he had chosen was just awful, but not in a bad way, in a b movie this is way too cheesy sort of way, and she found herself liking far more than she might have, partially due to Luka’s commentary in between. By the time the film was finished she had found herself leaning on him as he cuddled her into his chest. They had ate all the salted popcorn and attempted some of the sweet, but it really was a lost cause, film was done and now there really was no real reason for her to stay cuddled to him, but she really didn’t want to move.

Half an hour went by of them just holding each other, and Luka finally spoke. “It’s getting Late Mari, I should probably get you home.” It was clear that he didn’t really want it, but he had made a promise to her parents. Begrudgingly she moved, and he stood up with her, he fixed a bit of her hair back and she felt as though the world was spinning. He was looking at her and she felt herself moving forward without really moving at all. Her eyes closed and she tilted her head a bit. It all felt so perfect.

And it was perfect. His lips were so and the kiss was sweet. He didn’t linger too long, nor did he let it get too heated, it was just… perfect. He pulled back from her and she opened her eyes to see his flushed face, even in the dark he was clearly blushing, but he had a shy smile in place and it just made her like him all the more, she knew that her own face was a mirror of his, and it was her turn to talk “I- You like really Luka” she said and she blinked for a moment as she realised that she had ruined the moment. He laughed lightly and leant in and kissed her nose “I You like really too Ma-ma-Marinette”

She felt her face heating up even more, but she was not embarrassed, for some reason his teasing felt really nice, and she took his hand and began to lead him back down to the street. Tikki and Alya were right, she just needed to let whatever would happen happen, and as a result she was here with a wonderful guy and had had a wonderful first date with him. And even though she still liked Adrien, now she was beginning to think of him more as a friend, she just didn’t have the same felling with him as she had had with Luka.

--

Meanwhile…

Adrien was in his room looking at his phone. He was wondering if he should call her or not. He really had thought his Father had been rather rude, but then again, he had been late to his shoot, so it was mostly his own fault. But he hadn’t been able to get her out of his mind the entire day. Just how did he feel about Marinette?

It had started when Luka had been asking him about her, he had been praising her so much even though they had only met a handful of times, Adrien had told him some of the stories of how she had helped other people in class, and how she was considerate of others, he told him about how she hide out with him to go to the movies to see his mother’s film, and Luka had commented on how that almost seemed like a date.

Adrien had of course denied it being a date, as it really wasn’t, but it did get him thinking, just as he was now. What if it might have been a date? He thought on all the times he had been around Marinette, how she acted around him, how clumsy she was, but also he thought of how she was when he would watch her from a distance, she was almost a different person. He wondered then if she had liked him, He saw too how she was around Luka the day of the video shoot. She had been just as flustered at the start, but then he had managed to calm her down, and after that she hardly faltered at all.

Perhaps Luka was right for her? But why did that make him feel hurt? He flopped back and looked over at Plague “Hey, what do you think of Marinette?” he said and Plague’s eyes widened “Nothing! I don’t think anything about her at all! And I certainly don’t know any secrets! So you can’t ask me anything! NOPE!” the little spirit then flew away at a quicker speed than he had ever seen before and it left Adrien at a loss as to what that was about.

He eventually gave up on thinking about it and went to sleep. Possibly for the best, he had school in the morning anyway.

[p1scespr1ncess]

Methodology statement

Brief

This term our project will center around creating an extension of a previous work we have done this year. My immediate interest is to carry on from my most recent project we did which was 'Found and Set up' where I wanted to take photos in a cinematic style focused around themes of suburbia and empty, perfect houses. Unfortunately lockdown caused a lot of technical issues to be unable to be resolved so I wasn't able to complete that idea to its full potential and think it would be a good idea to continue it on in this project.  

Presentations of methodology documents  

https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1uTanhoG_AAFnz9I1tzUYBcgDfUlaAHt8VpICx6ZejHM/edit?usp=sharing  For this extension project I want to fully commit to the cinematic aesthetic of my images. In 'The Error of Our Ways' I was only able to take a few photos with the wide angle camera. For those images I found it really fun setting up an entire scene and experimenting with lighting. I have four possible ideas for this project the first being to take photos of all the areas surrounding the suburbia which make the neighborhood so self-efficient and exclusive. The second option would be to photograph people within the suburban settings and explore how they exist within that perceived dream life. And the last option is to focus on the architecture of GJ Gardener homes and what makes them appear so lifeless and sterile. The last and final idea which seems the most interesting to me is to create a domestic character to fit into the environment but have them be more than that and be hiding a secret that unfolds like a story with each image.  

First group studio meetings  : After we had a group studio meetings to discuss current research developments, I received feedback for my idea that it would be cool to create a book so the images truly read like a storybook where your slowly unveiling the secret of the character. I think that’s a really cool idea I want to look into doing. I discussed some of the artist models I have been looking at including Petra Collins, Juno Calypso and Martin Tremblay. I have also been watching a few movies that include themes of suburban secrets like Serial Mom and the Virgins Suicide.  

Idea development: Over the past few days I have been planning who my character will be and I have decided to go with the cliché, domesticated housewife. I want to photograph her appearing like a regular house wife while doing questionable things in strange places.  

New idea: I went out and bought props for my images and took out the lighting kit to spend a day shooting. I had decided my housewife was going to be a vampire, much inspired by the TV show I had recently been watching called Midnight Mass. I set up a scene and tried taking photos but I spent about 3 hours trying to get a good photo and found that I wasn't liking anything I was creating. Later that afternoon I got a sudden burst of creativity and decided to place gladwrap and an orange film over my camera lens and take photos of my partner in the afternoon light. I thought the photos were really beautiful and found I really enjoyed taking them so I decided to find an idea that matched that aesthetic. Recently my partner has been struggling with their gender identity and I thought it would be a good way for us to work through that together and help them to see how beautiful they are regardless of their gender.  

First shoot: Today I set up a sheet and the lighting kit to play around with some ideas for my new project. I experimented with different lighting situations ie light behind the sheet/in front of the model/ with and without a colored film, with the main lights on and off ect and I had some pretty positive outcomes and am happy with a lot of the images I took and found that they were really communicating the theme I was trying to go for. I was having a lot of fun playing around with the gladwrap on the lens and aiming it so that it was catching the light and creating what looked like a lens flare.  

New Idea extensions … After my first shoot, I now have an established aesthetic, colour theme and subject matter. My first images were portraits of my partner and I feel they really communicate a lack of identity as there are blurs and parts of the images that are out of focus. I want to really highlight the idea of gender however and I think the best way to do that is to have the model be vulnerable and share their body with the camera. My partner feels really comfortable doing so which is a good thing. I want to find a way to blur out their breasts as it is an area of dysphoria for them, not only to communicate an aspect of gender struggles (gender dysphoria) but to also empower my partner and be able to help them discover themselves and what makes them feel comfortable in their body in regards to their gender. I decided to take a few photos and play around but am not sure if I would use them for final images but it was good to get an idea of what I wanted to portray.  

Artist models : After spending quite a bit of time focusing on my personal connection to the work I am making, I decided it was really important to start looking at artist models and finding photographers and artists that deal with the same subject matter. I found that Shigeyuki Kihara has really interesting artwork that focuses on taking self-portraits recreating colonial photographs of Samoan women but as a Fa'afafine. I really like how Shigeyuki Kihara tied in westernized standards of beauty with her cultures standard of beauty to highlight the way different genders should be admired. I also took a look at Clifford Prince King who's work looks into queer, black men and their relationship with one another. The things these artists have in common is they both use their photography as a way to speak on personal, vulnerable matters that they experience as queer people existing in a heteronormative, patriarchal society. I am also using my art as a way to shed light on the struggles of young, queer people and bring comfort to those who may feel isolated in their journeys of self-discovery as LGBTQ.  

Experimenting/shooting: Today I decided to play around with long exposures to see what kind of effects I could get. I really liked the outcomes and decided that they definitely played into the theme I am trying to communicate. I was going through Pinterest and discovered that you can use bleach to make images look burned. I thought this could add a cool affect to my images and better help portray my theme of identity confusion so I had a range of photos/finishes/sizes printed at warehouse stationary so I could try. I really liked the outcomes but figured that they don't actually fit with the other images as well as I would have liked. I wanted to use this bleaching technique as a way of blurring out my partners chest as I don't want to use photoshop.  

Feedback : The feedback I received about my images was to make sure they all connect through technical elements like color, blurring and composition. I know that I want to create three images at A2 sizing and I have my first two photos chosen but even after multiple shoots trying to get the perfect body shot, I am still not satisfied with any of the outcomes and need to reshoot at least one more time. This was great feedback to remember when shooting next time.  

Final Shoot : I really wanted to get the perfect image of my partners body as I felt it was a really integral photo to fit the theme of gender identity. I discovered a way I could easily blur out their chest and that was by placing glad wrap over the lens and smearing Vaseline strategically over their chest area in the frame. The photos came out just as I had envisioned and all I needed to do was color match it with the other two final images I had chosen. All that is left to do is finalize the sequencing of the images and choose between matte or gloss finish.  

Printing: I have finalised my decision and chosen three images, printed A2 on gloss. I decided to go with the gloss finish as I figured it would allow for light to bounce of the images which ties in well with the  

[trashartandmovies]

Berlinale Film Festival 2021, Industry Event, Day 3

I was hoping to start Day Three off with another shot of highly-caffeinated filmmaking, so I honed in on another genre picture in the Berlinale Special section: Soi Cheang’s LIMBO. Like many other movies before it, LIMBO pairs a veteran cop (Gordon Lam, in good form) with an all-star rookie (Mason Lee) and puts them on the hunt of a serial killer. What makes LIMBO stand out from the rest is that it is shot in beautifully oily, textured black and white.

You can see from the one frame above that the movie is putting in some serious effort on the art design. Every time the cops leave the station, chances are they’re headed someplace that will put them knee deep in garbage. And thanks to the photography and attention to detail, you can practically smell the rotting refuse.

Unfortunately, the story doesn’t quite live up to the imagery. The script, written by Au Kin-Yee (whose previous work includes some co-writing credits on a few Johnnie To films), tries to put a socially conscious spin on the serial killer by making the victims marginalized, societal outcasts. But is this anything new? Aren’t the marginalized always the most vulnerable people? Isn’t an immigrant, junkie or prostitute always on a killer’s most wanted list? What makes it even less compelling is that there’s hardly an interesting motive to the madness. Unlike other grimy, big-city serial killer movies that feint toward social relevance (SEVEN), there’s no clever mastermind behind the killings. In fact, there’s any number of other cases that could have brought a pair of cops into these squalid environments and face-to-face with the city’s forgotten people. And maybe the plight of these people wouldn’t have felt so shoehorned into the story.

More interesting is the movie’s recurring theme of lost limbs. Yes, the title “Limbo” is a bit of wordplay, as many people in the movie are losing one appendage or another — sometimes by accident, sometimes through the use of a rusty, blunt tool. It’s a nice gory little motif that the movie makes hay out of, but again, it doesn’t go anywhere. As it turns out, this amputation fetish is the only interesting character detail that the movie bothers to give the killer. Otherwise, all we have is a standard, anonymous, non-speaking brute out of an 80s slasher movie. Perhaps most frustrating of all is that the film makes a step toward giving the killer a bit of sympathy early on, only to follow it up with some unnecessarily degrading action that stomps out that angle completely. What’s more interesting: watching police chasing after a faceless, voiceless, unsympathetic killer, or watching police being outwitted by a smart murderer who’s revealed to have some sort of messed up moral compass in place?

I wouldn’t go so far as to say LIMBO is a bad movie, just a frustrating one. There are some good intentions in here, and the movie looks fantastic, but if they’d put a bit more effort into creating a killer worthy of all the fuss, we’d be looking at a great addition to the genre. Oh, and the extremely hackneyed ending, which tries to pass itself off as tragic, doesn’t win it any points, either.

The second film of the day brings us back to the Competition section, and it was an extremely pleasant surprise. In fact, it was one of the best surprises of this year’s Berlinale (so far). With his second feature-length film, WHAT DO WE SEE WHEN WE LOOK AT THE SKY?, Georgian writer/director/editor Alexandre Koberidze establishes himself as an auteur with a strong and poetic vision for cinema.

Early on, I couldn’t help but flash on AMÉLIE. The two films have a few things in common: a narrator who gives the proceedings a fairy tale aspect, inanimate objects imbued with special powers, a will-they/won’t-they love story that starts on a chance encounter, a story that is as much focused on a neighborhood community as it is the two central characters… and yet WHAT DO WE SEE is a much different film. For starters, it’s far less manic. This is a very leisurely-paced film. One that lingers on people in cafés and sidewalk kiosks. One that likes to make digressions, like getting into the heads of some local dogs as they make plans on where to meet up during the football match. It also goes to some more supernatural places that other “whimsical” movies only hint at.

Some people will surely find the pace, the two-and-a-half hour running time, and the many diversions to be a problem. But I loved every minute of it. Both the pace and the running time achieve a certain purpose in immersing you in the local rhythms of Kutaisi, Georgia. At one point, we’re treated to an extended slo-mo sequence of kids playing football set to an anthemic pop song. It’s perhaps the most magical moment of the festival (so far).

There are many smaller moments like this throughout the film. They don’t move any plot along, necessarily, but each one feels like an important part of this universe we’re exploring — and that’s more to the point of the film. Alexandre Koberidze achieves something that few movies are capable of, which is making you see the world around you in a different way. More than telling a romantic story about two strangers, this is a film that makes the everyday feel magical, without any special effects or flashy camerawork. With patience, and a masterful yet deceptively simple use of sound and imagery, it turns the commonplace into profound delight. In this way, it’s shares a certain sensibility with Day One’s INTRODUCTION.

I’m not an expert on Hungarian cinema, but it’s safe to say that it can sometimes be described as unrelenting in its bleakness. Certainly, Day Two’s NATURAL LIGHT fits this description, as does FOREST - I SEE YOU EVERYWHERE. In some cases (again, see NATURAL LIGHT, or the films of Bela Tarr), this bleakness can be well-balanced by the poetics of imagery and pacing. In other cases, like this film, the darkness can simply wear you down.

A sequel of sorts to his 2003 film FOREST, this is a collection of short stories dealing with death and despair in Budapest. It’s well-acted and shot in an interesting way. The camera is always on the move, eager to cut to a close-up of someone’s hand, a gesture, a nuance. But it’s all very intense and agitated. There’s very little in the imagery and pacing to balance out the never ending bleakness, and it left me exhausted (and not in a good way).

What bothered me most about the movie, is that I kept wondering why the film didn’t take advantage of its short story structure. Why is each story hitting the same note? Why isn’t it using this opportunity to explore its themes with different tones — to build and release tension — to change things up even just a little bit? (Tomorrow, we’ll get into this again when WHEEL OF FORTUNE AND FANTASY does exactly this with its short story structure.)

Actress Lilla Kizlinger won the Silver Bear for Best Supporting Actress, and it’s a deserved win. In the first story of the film, she gives what is essentially a harrowingly personal PowerPoint presentation to her father. It leads to an icy argument and a central point to the film: that life has a way of handing you situations where there are no easy answers or good outcomes, just different ways of coping. Without doubt, it’s a strong opening, but I can’t say the film builds or improves upon it during the 100 minutes that follow.

Day Three was put to rest with one of the strongest films in the Competition section, PETITE MAMAN, Céline Sciamma’s follow-up to PORTRAIT OF A LADY ON FIRE. Like MEMORY BOX, this is another film about a mother and her daughter, and the unusual manner in which they come closer together. Only this time, instead of a teenager looking at her mom’s old journals and photographs, we have an eight-year-old daughter getting a chance to talk and play with her mom when she was her age. That premise may sound touching and appealing, but the film is even more thoughtful and impactful than you’d expect.

PETITE MAMAN is also like SOCIAL HYGIENE in that it stems from an idea that emerged before lockdown, but is perfectly suited to the restrictions of a pandemic. It takes place in a remote location, there are approximately five actors in the film, two of them are children and the others mostly appear in scenes opposite those kids. But it hasn’t been limited by the restrictions. Sciamma has lovingly handcrafted the movie’s surroundings — the countryside cottages, a woodland hut, the scenery and costumes used when kids put on a show — and every detail feels perfectly right.

I won’t spoil much more about the movie. There is a time travel element to it, but it’s mostly a movie about a child coping with the loss of a family member, and getting a chance to visit the past, spend some more time with the loved one, as well as with her mom, who’s grown a bit elusive in the present day. In doing so, the child gets a better understanding of life and death, how and why people change over time, and the importance of the memories we carry with us. All this, despite being a movie that you could (and maybe should) watch with your own kids at some point. It is perhaps one of the most sophisticated family movies ever made.

None of this would work without Joséphine Sanz, who plays the time traveling kid Nelly, and Gabrielle Sanz who plays her mom as a child. This duo of sister actors are fascinating in their scenes together. They not only seem to have a genuine understanding of the meaning of the work their doing, they’re utterly believable in everything they do, which includes acting out improvised scenes from made-up detective stories. You could look at these play-acting scenes as just two kids having fun, but there are multiple layers going on there as these are the moments when Nelly is really getting closer to understanding who her mom is as an individual. It’s really some beautiful stuff. I wouldn’t be surprised if this becomes a classic family movie that future generations will grow up with and return to time and again. It’s a movie that has some things to teach us.

Ok for now. Tomorrow: a tragedy in Iran, a trifecta in Japan, and a psychedelic trip through Hawaii.