#seasonal depression except its not in the winter like a normal person

[mythicalltea]

I think Chappell Roan was talking about Pheonix when she said its like 199 degrees… because like.

[brb-on-a-quest]

DAY EIGHT

(hi, remember that if you guys have any ideas for questions I can use, you all can feel free to drop them in my box! not running out of inspiration yet, but its cool to have a wide variety of questions that I might not think of otherwise!)

~season edition~

what season are you living in right now?

what do you like most about it?

what do you like least about it?

what is your favorite season and why? (if it isn't the one you're already living in now lol)

what is your least favorite season and why? (if it isn't the one you're already living in now lol)

if there was one thing you could add/take away/change about 1 season of the year, what would it be and why?

and finally, what are some of your favorite local plants that go with each season? (example: spring-daffodils, summer-roses, fall-sunflowers, winter-evergreen) (can be any plants too, not just flowers)

Most people have Seasonal depressive disorder in the winter when everything is cold and dark and dreary. Mine hits a lot more in the summer (sigh. its summer). There are some good things about it. I like not doing homework, but there's a lot of.... added relationship stresses that get strained during the summer that is sometimes very not fun. I tend to put myself in situations and then don't actually have the backbone to defend myself from situations or making it unnecessarily harder than it needs to be. That being said, I love seeing the irl bestie (would simply not come home if it weren't for her and be looking for more work up near school) and my littlest sister is amazing to say the least.

Favorite season? I have a feeling that will change soon as I finally "get adulted" and graduated and need to move out of house and home but right now i am so much a winter and fall (particularly fall) kind of person because I am not, have never been built for heat and get very much sick in it if I'm out for Too Long in It (like now *cries*).

If I could cahnge/takeaway I'd make summer less hot so I don't get as sick which would remove a lot of summer hatred ("But Birb you could just move to like someplace cold like alaska") But then there's snow all the time And Driving In the Snow is a nightmare and I don't want to do that either (nah, i just have very little practice because do not drive as much as I should because don't normally do much during the summer and during the school year I have no car so friends drive to places; It's just a practice will get over fear of snow driving). If I can't make summer max like 5-10 degrees colder, I'd like snow to be everywhere except the roads (lmao i wish we had snow repellent roads somehow).

(Im cheating and looking up flowers no one can stop me i am too nauseous to rememer things).

spring: crocuses are pretty and bleeding hearts are nostalgic but overall picks are peonies or lilys of the valley (grandma had a bunch of those in the garden).

Summer: asters!! And daisies!! and the black eye susans!! and the coneflower daises (i called them inside out daisies for awhile)

Fall: I think grandma's marigolds were fallish? that may be summer and I maybe entirely incorrect but they giveth fall aesthetic.

Winter: we had poinsettias around Christmas times (always in the greenhouse and the cats were never allowed in there) so those ones. The real ones were so much prettier than the plasticky ones but yk beggers can't be choosers.

[shesey]

Wintering by Katherine May

“Wintering is a season in the cold. It is a fallow period in life when you’re cut off from the world, feeling rejected, sidelined, blocked from progress, or cast into the role of an outsider. Perhaps it results from an illness; perhaps from a life event such as a bereavement or the birth of a child; perhaps it comes from a humiliation or failure. Perhaps you’re in a period of transition, and have temporarily fallen between two worlds. Some winterings creep upon us more slowly, accompanying the protracted death of a relationship, the gradual ratcheting up of caring responsibilities as our parents age, the drip-drip-drip of lost confidence. Some are appallingly sudden, like discovering one day that your skills are considered obsolete, the company you worked for has gone bankrupt, or your partner is in love with someone new. However it arrives, wintering is usually involuntary, lonely, and deeply painful. Yet it is also inevitable. We like to imagine that it’s possible for life to be one eternal summer, and that we have uniquely failed to achieve that for ourselves.” “Plants and animals don’t fight the winter; they don’t pretend it’s not happening and attempt to carry on living the same lives that they lived in the summer. They prepare. They adapt. They perform extraordinary acts of metamorphosis to get them through. Winter is a time of withdrawing from the world, maximizing scant resources, carrying out acts of brutal efficiency and vanishing from sight; but that’s where the transformation occurs. Winter is not the death of the life cycle, but its crucible. Once we stop wishing it were summer, winter can be a glorious season when the world takes on a sparse beauty, and even the pavements sparkle. It’s a time for reflection and recuperation, for slow replenishment, for putting your house in order.” “That’s what humans do: we make and remake our stories, abandoning the ones that no longer fit and trying on new ones for size.” “In the changing room later, I experience a different kind of warmth: the nakedness of a dozen women, all unashamed. These aren’t the posing bodies you find on the beach, dieted beyond al joy to be bikini-ready, and tanned as an act of disguise. These are northern bodies, slack-bottomed and dimpling, with unruly pubic hair and the scars of hysterectomies, chattering companionably in a language I don’t understand. They are a glimpse of life yet to come: a message of survival, passed on through the generations. It’s a message I rarely find in my buttoned-up home country, and I think about the times I’ve suffered silent furies at the treacheries of my own body, imagining them to be unique.” “Ghost stories may be a part of the terror of Halloween, but our love of ghost stories betrays a far more fragile desire: that we do not fade so easily from this life.” “Winter has decorated ordinary life. Some days, everything sparkles.” “You realize that no one is what they look like, on the surface. Everybody has their dose of suffering; it’s just more hidden in some than in others.” “I think about this a lot, she says, the needle breaks the fabric in order to repair it. You can’t have one without the other.” “In the absence of sunlight, it would be too costly to maintain the machinery of growth.” “I’m fairly certain that my decision not to have a second child rests squarely on my worship of sleep.” “I have nothing to show for my forty-odd years on this earth, except for a pile of dusty books.” “4am. The ego flares like a struck match: bright, blue, fleeting. I am thankful to be alone when this happens, to let it burn out in private. We should sometimes be grateful for the solitudes of night, of a winter. They save us from displaying our worse selves to the waking world.” “Certainty is a dead space in which there’s no more room to grow. Wavering is painful. I’m glad to be travelling between the two.” “Sometimes writing is a race against your own mind, as your hand labours to keep up with the flood tide of your thoughts, and I feel that most acutely at night, when there are no competing demands on my attention. That slightly sleepy, dazed state erods the barriers of my waking brain.” “I can confess all my sins to a piece of paper, with no one to censor it.” “Our personal winters are so often accompanies by insomnia, but perhaps we are still drawn towards that unique space of intimacy and contemplation, darkness, and silence, without really knowing what we’re seeking. Perhaps, after all, we are being urged towards our own comfort.” “Lucy is a symbol of absolute faith and utter purity, but the sins for which she suffers are not her own. Instead, she shoulders the weight of the male gaze, and is destroyed by it.” “Some winters creep up on us so slowly that they have infiltrated every part of our lives before we truly feel them.” “We felt broken into pieces, but at the same time, never so loved.” “We changed our focus away from pushing through with normal life, and towards making a new one. When everything is broken, everything is also up for grabs. That’s the gift of winter: it’s irresistible. Change will happen in its wake, whether we like it or not. We can come out of it wearing a different coat.” “I could have stood there and cried on the spot, just knowing that I wasn’t alone.” “I felt accepted in a way that I hand’t for months.” “This isn’t just an unkind attitude, it does us harm, because it stops us from learning that disaster happens, and how to adapt when it does. It stops us from reaching out to people who are suffering. And, when our own disaster comes, it forces us into a humiliated retreat, as we try to hunt down mistakes that we never made in the first place.” “I simply had no defence against the changes that were happening in my life.” “Life never does quite offer us those simply happy endings. I often that that it’s all part of my own craving: the moral clarity of cause and effect, reward and punishment for my actions. A map for living that renders everything explicable.” “All her desires were for elemental things: love, a little comfort, the society of interesting people. Everyday life is so often isolated, dreary, and lonely. A little craving is understandable. A little craving might actually be the rallying cry for survival.” “I love the inconvenience [of snow] the same way that I can sneakingly love a bad cold: the irresistible disruption to mundane life, forcing you to stop for a while and step outside of your normal habits.” “In autumn, the male drones are sacrificed because they’re no longer of any use, and would otherwise just be hungry mounts to feed.”  “Our lives take different shapes: we do not work in a linear progression through fixed roles like the honeybee. We are not consistently useful to the world at large. We talk about the complexity of the hive, but human societies are infinitely more complex, full of choices and mistakes, periods of glory and seasons of utter despair. Some of us make highly visible, elaborate contributions to the whole; some of us are just part of the ticking mechanics of the world, the incremental wealth of small gestures. All of it matters. All of it weaves the wider fabric that binds us.” “We may sometimes drift through years in which we feel like a negative presence in the world, but we come back again, not only restored, but bringing more than we brought before: more wisdom, more compassion, a greater capacity to reach deep into our roots and know that we will find water.” “Usefulness, in itself, is a useless concept when it comes to humans. I don’t think we were ever meant to think about others in terms of their use to us.” “We flourish on caring, on doling out love.” “Winter is a time for the quiet arts of making: for knitting and sewing, baking and simmering, repairing and restoring our homes.” “We sing because it fills our lungs with nourishing air, and lets our heart soar with the notes we let out. We sing because it allows us to speak of love and loss, delight and desire, all encoded in lyrics that let us pretend that those feelings are not quite ours.” “As I walk, I remind myself ot the words of Alan Watts: ‘To hold your breath is to lose your breath.’ In The Wisdom of Insecurity, Watts makes a case that always convinces me, but which I always seem to forget: that life is, by nature, uncontrollable. That we should stop trying to finalize our comfort and security somehow, and instead find a radical acceptance of the endless, unpredictable change that is the very essence of this life. Our suffering, he says, comes from the fight we put up against this fundamental truth: ‘Running away from fear is fear, fighting pain is pain, trying to be brave is being scared. If the mind is in pain, the mind is in pain. The thinker has no other form than his thought. There is no escape.” “The future, to which we devote so much of our brainpower, is an unstable element, entirely unknowable.” “When we endlessly ruminate in these distant times, we miss extraordinary things in the present moment. They are, in actual fact, all we have: the here and now; the direct perception of our senses.” “I’m beginning to think that unhappiness is one of the simple things in life: a pure, basic emotion to be respected, if not savoured. I would never dream of suggesting that we should wallow in misery, or shrink from doing everything we can to alleviate it; but I do think it’s instructive. After all, unhappiness has a function: it tells us that something is going wrong. If we don’t allow ourselves the fundamental honesty of our own sadness, then we miss an important cue to adapt. We seem to be living in an age when we’re bombarded with entreaties to be happy, but we’re suffering from an avalanche of depression; we’re urged to stop sweating the small stuff, and yet we’re chronically anxious. I often wonder if these are just normal feelings that become monstrous when they’re denied. A great deal of life will always suck. There will be moments when we’re riding high, and moments when we can’t bear to get out of bed. Both are normal. Both, in fact, require a little perspective.” “We need friends who wince along with our pain, who tolerate our gloom, and who allow us to be weak for a while when we’re finding our feet again. We need people who acknowledge that we can’t always hang on in there; that sometimes, everything breaks.” “I recognized winter. I saw it coming (a mile off, since you ask), and I looked it in the eye,. I greeted it, and let it in. I had some tricks up my sleeve, you see. I’ve learned them the hard way. When I started feeling the drag of winter, I began to treat myself like a favoured child: with kindness and love. I assumed my needs were reasonable, and that my feelings were signals of something important.” “We tend to imagine that our lives are linear, but they are in fact cyclical. I would not, or course, seek to deny that we grow gradually older, but while doing so, we pass through phases of good health and ill, of optimism and deep doubt, of freedom and constraint.”

[poppykru]

50 questions you’ve never been asked

Tagged by @captaindaddykru @marauders-groupie @burninghoneyatdusk

What is the color of your hairbrush? Black.

Name a food you never eat? Peanut butter. Just the smell makes me nauseous.

Are you typically too warm or too cold? Cold. Except during Summers in Bulgaria - they're waaaay too hot for me to feel cold.

What were you doing 45 minutes ago? Going through all the games I've been tagged in. 😁

What is your favorite candy bar? I don't really eat a lot of those but if I had to choose KitKat.

Have you ever been to a professional sports event? I don’t think so?

What is the last thing you said out loud? "I don't wanna discuss this." when my friend asked about my exes 😬

What is your favorite ice cream? Right now I keep eating oreo ice-cream. But if I go to a gelateria - pistachio, ferroro roscher, cheesecake.

What was the last thing you had to drink? Water.

Do you like your wallet? I only have a cardholder because I don't carry cash anymore. 😁 But yeah, I like it.

What was the last thing you ate? Spaghetti bolognese. Yum!

Did you buy any new clothes last weekend? Nope.

The last sporting event you watched? Uhhh no idea. I'm not big of sports. 😂

What is your favorite flavor of popcorn? Caramel. Love 'em!

Who is the last person you sent a text message to? My sister.

Ever go camping? No, but I want to. I was planning to this summer but yk 😁

Do you take vitamins? No, but I should.

Do you go to church every Sunday? No. (I agree with LANA, I don't think the church promoted Christian values).

Do you have a tan? Hah no. I don't tan. I burn. Spectacularly. Like Mr crabs colour burn.

Do you prefer Chinese food or pizza? Both? I have pizza so often now that I've grown tired of it. I love Chinese but it can be so heavy and greasy sooo I don't know. 😅 Sushi is the best. 😂

Do you drink your soda with a straw? I don't drink soda at all.

What color socks do you usually wear? Black, pink with polka dots. My mom bought them for me 😁

Do you ever drive above the speed limit? 😬 Yes. 😬 But its not often and it's usually on the highway so.

What terrifies you? So much. But mainly snakes.

Look to your left, what do you see? Laptop, my bookcase, moon lamp.

What chore do you hate? Dishes.

What do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? Bob and Eliza.

What’s your favorite soda? I don't like soda.

Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive-thrus? Never gone through a drive-thru so fast food place.

Who’s the last person you talked to? My flatmate. She just showed me a video of a fluffy fat hamster being hyperactive and said, "look its you!". Thanks, friend 😂

Favorite cut of beef? I don't really know much about cuts of beef/steak but I recently ate a sirloin steak that was pretty good.

Last song you listened to? Welcome to my life by Simple Plan 😂😂😂 I was annoying my flatmate with it.

Last book you read? I'm reading so many books at once 😂 the most recent one is On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous by Ocean Vuogn - a-ma-zing!

Favorite day of the week? It's all blended together now 😩

Can you say the alphabet backwards? No.

How do you like your coffee? One spoon sugar, lots of milk. Like as much milk as coffee 😁😁. I love a macchiato from Starbucks too.

Favorite pair of shoes? My chunky white trainers. So comfy, so cool.

The time you normally go to sleep? The past month its been 2am, but usually around 11pm-12am.

The time you normally get up? 8am-9am. It depends on the season though. Winters in Scotland are very depressing because mornings are super dark. So if I don't have anything to do, I sleep in. Spring or summer though, I like to wake up early and have coffee on the balcony, read or sketch.

What do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? Sunrise.

How many blankets on your bed? One +comforter but only in winter.

Describe your kitchen plates: Plain white. I like simplicity.

Do you have a favorite alcoholic beverage? Gin and tonic, elderflower or lychee cider. When home, rakia. 😁

Do you play cards? Cards against humanity, yeah. 😁

What color is your car? I don't have a car but I drive my parents'. Its metallic grey/silver (?).

Can you change a tire? In theory. I never had to do it though.

Your favorite province? Does Halkidiki count as a province?? 😁 Any place in Greece really. I love that country so much. Its always like coming home. (which it kinda is)

Favorite job you’ve ever had? I used to be an interpreter when I was 18 at a summer project. It was essentially summer camp. I had so much fun.

How did you get your biggest scar? Probably on my nose. I broke my nose when I was 6 and I was pretending to be a ballerina. Had to get stitches. The scar has faded now, but it's still the biggest I've got.

What did you do today that made someone else happy? I call my sister and told her I'm coming home soon, told my flatmate lots of shitty jokes (I also sang her true friend by Hannah Montana 😂), and I made her coffee.

Phew, this was long, but so fun!

Tagging: @natassakar @kizo2703 @igotbellarkeforthat @sometimesrosy and anyone who wants to do it! 💙💙

[nerds4life]

2 winners and 3 losers from One Direction’s solo albums

The boys have all gone in different … directions … since their indefinite hiatus in 2016. Some are better than others.

By Alexa Lee (Jan 31, 2020, 9:00am EST)

A decade — yes, a decade — ago, a teenage boy band by the name of One Direction was formed. After auditioning as individual singers on the British musical competition The X Factor, Niall Horan, Liam Payne, Harry Styles, Louis Tomlinson, and Zayn Malik were thrown together into a group by TV personality Simon Cowell in 2010. And thus, One Direction was born.

While the group only placed third on The X Factor, their time on the reality show was just the beginning of their global takeover. Over a span of five years, the group released five albums, did four world tours, broke numerous Billboard 100 music records (including ones previously only held by the Beatles), recorded a documentary, and even released a perfume.

At the same time, the five members also became the basis of adolescent crushes and fervor for many years to come. Thanks to their individual quirks and calculated branding ploys, each boy quickly became an archetype for a different high school crush: Niall was the adorable friend, Harry the artistic boy next door. Zayn was quietly mysterious, while Liam was extroverted and jockish. And Louis? Hmm, well — Louis was also there.

For those five years, the One Direction boys seemed like they were untouchable. That is, until Zayn left the group in 2015 to embark on a solo career, and, a year later, the remaining band members announced an “indefinite hiatus.”

Four years after One Direction announced its hiatus, each of the One Direction-ers have begun their own solo careers. It’s the first time any of them have recorded without each other, and the first time they’ve performed solo in front of an audience since being on The X Factor as teens. Their solo albums, good or bad, reveal how each individual wants to reintroduce themselves to the public, and how they’re attempting the complicated leap from adolescent pop star to independent adult artist.

Now that Louis Tomlinson has dropped his first solo album, every former One Direction member has released at least one solo project. (Harry and Zayn have each released two.) And there are some very clear winners and losers among them. Here’s how they stack up against each other and what each one tells us about who these boys are now that they’ve spent some time apart.

Winner: Fine Line by Harry Styles

Watching Harry emerge triumphantly, hair and culottes billowing, with the title of Most Popular and Critically Acclaimed Ex-One Direction Member is not unlike watching a long-awaited prophecy finally fall into place. Ever since One Direction first stepped into the international limelight, interviews and press circuits saw that Harry was different from his fellow bandmates. He was offbeat but cool, disheveled but sexy.

And in 2017, when he released his debut album named — what else? — Harry Styles, Harry established himself as worthy of all the hype from his years in the band. A brooding rock record filled with anecdotes about all the sex he has and heartbreak he’s felt, Harry Styles reintroduced Harry to the world as an indie songwriter, David Bowie fanboy, and charismatic lover. And with his next, more experimental 2019 album, Harry takes all these elements of his identity a step further, securing his spot in the popular music landscape as a modern rock star.

Harry released Fine Line at the end of last year, interrupting winter’s dreariness with bright, dancey songs about all-consuming yearning. The lyrics of “Adore You” and “Watermelon Sugar” conjure images of summer fruits and summer loves, and both songs set the perfect soundtrack for encountering a crush at a party, or at least fending off seasonal depression. And on “Cherry,” his transportive and melancholy ode to an ex, listeners get a glimpse at genuine heartache from Harry. Despite having built a career out of belting love songs, Harry has never before sounded this vulnerable in his music before. “Cherry” shines a light on the vulnerabilities of a seemingly invulnerable star and brings a touching depth to Harry’s music that was previously absent. Fine Line is the most adventurous and enjoyable of the One Direction members’ solo efforts, and it’s sure to convert even the most crotchety boy band skeptics into believers.

Winner: Flicker by Niall Horan

As a member of One Direction, Niall was beloved — but not for being the band’s breakout star or its scene-stealing performer or even its biggest personality. Niall’s greatest charm, and the primary allure of his 2017 album Flicker, is instead seeming like an ordinary, likable guy. The human embodiment of a chill night in, Niall projects affable, regular-guy energy, but in a more palatable way than, say, Ed Sheeran. He’s a man who, after being part of the most popular boy band this side of the millennia, can still convincingly seem like he’s bemused by his fame and wealth. Niall likes Nando’s, and he likes to golf on the weekends. It’s easy to imagine him as one of those people with the uncanny ability to put horses at ease simply by murmuring the dulcet opening bars of his hit single “This Town” and running his guitar-worn hands over their hides.

Niall brings this same aura of safety and coziness to Flicker, where he strums his acoustic guitar and sings earnestly about the mundane highs and lows of falling in love. His songs are emotionally and musically safe — the most upbeat tracks, “On the Loose” and “Slow Hands,” still retain a mellow, unhurried cadence, and sad songs like “Paper Houses” veer away from raw grief or anguish, opting instead for lyrics that just barely skim the surface of sorrow.

Is it always good when an artist’s best quality is being inoffensive and never taking risks? No, but perhaps in the swirling political and social chaos of 2020, it’s what we need. Niall is a calming lighthouse in the stormy sea of life, and we would be fools to let him out of our sight.

Loser: Icarus Falls by Zayn Malik

Writer Allison P. Davis once described Zayn as someone who “sings about sex like it’s this thing he just heard about on a Jodeci song.” It’s this image of Zayn that echoes in my mind whenever I think about his couple’s photoshoot with model Gigi Hadid, or the boyish pirate-themed pub in his backyard, or his many, many selfies featuring a tortured grimace and 5 o’clock shadow. Despite his reputation for being the quiet, mysterious band member, in his post-One Direction career, Zayn has revealed both his passion for sensual R&B, as well as a powerful lack of convincing sexual energy.

Davis’s one-sentence character study is also a devastatingly apt summary of Zayn’s second album, which came out in 2018. At nearly an hour and a half, Icarus Falls is a boring, corny exploration of what happens when a too-handsome man ensconces himself in cologne and longing. Chock full of weak lyrics (e.g. “That’s how I feel the soul inside her body”) and dull, forgettable beats, the album has neither the playfulness nor sufficient melancholy to breathe life into Zayn’s sensual aspirations, and the end result is unrewarding.

The disappointment of Icarus Falls is worsened by the fact that Zayn’s debut album, Mind of Mine, was so much better. Mind of Mine’s intriguing blasé attitude was an exciting change of pace from Zayn’s demeanor in One Direction, when he was obligated to sing very un-blasé songs like “What Makes You Beautiful.” Although the 2016 record also frequently stumbled when it intended to seduce, it showed signs of artistic promise that make Icarus Falls seem like dull anticlimax, with a mere two exceptions. “Let Me” and “Entertainer” are soothing tracks in which Zayn vows to shower his lover in devotion and luxury items, and they’re the only songs that come close to the groovy fun of his last album. For listeners who are unable to let go of Zayn’s undeniable vocal chops and moody flair (me), these quality songs are exasperating reminders that Zayn is wasting his potential as well as everyone else’s time.

Loser: LP1 by Liam Payne

For many years, Liam seemed poised to stay in the “normal guy” lane with Niall, often playing the band’s cheerful jokester in music videos and interviews. Because of his jovial stage presence and photogenic, symmetrical face, many people — Liam included — thought he would follow the footsteps of another boy band pop mogul, Justin Timberlake. Recently, however, Liam’s public personality has begun to curdle slightly, in the form of controversial Instagram posts about his personal wealth, dating and impregnating the judge at his X Factor audition, and regrettable jewelry he calls the “Payne Chain.” Today, Liam seems less like a new Timberlake and more like a second-rate Bieber.

Liam’s debut album LP1, released in December 2019, follows a similarly cringy trajectory. Boosted by Chainsmoker-esque beats and sleazy lines about “[doing] your ass in the car,” Liam’s music is a bold statement separating himself from the sound of One Direction, but it’s not for the better. At one particularly low point, he leers at and fetishizes his partner’s bisexuality in the song “Both Ways.” But even on tracks without pointedly offensive lyrics, Liam’s bravado comes off as corny, and he fails to utilize his sonorous voice’s full strength. Each song on LP1 sounds like a mishmash assembly of smash hit ingredients, but the final product can’t quite stick the landing, and songs blur together in a haze of tropical synth and repetitive melody.

It’s not all bad, though. Tasteless songs aside, it’s hard not to listen to LP1 without admiring Liam’s unwavering audacity. Not everyone has the bulwark of confidence required to sing lyrics like, “I just wanna have fun and get rowdy / One Coke and Bacardi, sipping lightly,” or release a song called “Hips Don’t Lie” that’s neither a Shakira cover nor good. While this album is not the radio-ready bop collection that Liam was perhaps hoping it would be, LP1 is, above all else, unapologetic about what it is.

Loser: Walls by Louis Tomlinson

In a recent interview with the Guardian, Louis says, “[Niall’s] the most lovely guy in the world … Zayn has a fantastic voice … Harry comes across very cool. Liam’s all about getting the crowd going, doing a bit of dancing … And then there’s me.”

Louis’s self-deprecating remarks reflect the popular perception of him as the forgettable, “other” member of One Direction. Sadly, his same failure to assert himself as a unique public figure and musician is the downfall of his album Walls, which struggles to sound memorable despite being the solo album that most closely resembles One Direction’s former sound.

Louis is the last member of One Direction to release a solo album, largely because he put off recording music for an extended amount of time after the death of his mother and sister in 2016 and 2019, respectively. Given this context, it’s not surprising that Louis’s music is steeped in solemnity, whether he’s nostalgic for an old relationship on “Too Young,” or openly grieving the loss of his family on “Two of Us.”

Unfortunately, Walls feels like a confessional series of diary entries set to drums and tinny acoustic guitar, and while the frank intimacy is a refreshing contrast to, say, Liam, ultimately the album feels lackluster and sonically generic. Soft guitar and even softer vocals accompany lyrics about longing — for someone, a feeling, a moment in the past — making Walls feel like a pale imitation of One Direction’s booming rock-inspired pop rather than an entity of its own. In his first attempt to separate himself musically from the group, Louis once again blends into the background.

Not everyone is better off alone [insert pun about One Direction becoming Many Directions].

The transition from boy band member to adult man solo artist is not an easy one. The scramble to assert oneself as a legitimate, relevant musician can be full of pressure, and not everyone walks away with equal amounts of fame and success. In the case of One Direction, the majority of these underwhelming solo efforts suggest that, as much as the members have striven to express their individuality, their biggest legacy will probably be being part of a group. (Unless we’re talking about Harry Styles, that is.)

[writtenbyfai]

an analysis

seasons inch past...

and before you know it, you end up stuck in the same place, reminiscing what could have been. Or you may have picked up time’s tricks and adjusted to its pace, knowing you could not have changed anything. Or, perhaps, you have been harbouring resentment towards time because it had stolen something dear to you that it can never return, and your only chance at forgiving it is to let things go. The sand in the hourglass catches the sunlight for a moment. The leaves on the branches of trees burgeon, then yellows, cripples, and at last, they wither and fall to the ground. Always shedding. Always passing by, time, even before we realise it, we’ve already missed so much of it. There are many anime films that smote me about time’s properties. ‘The Girl who Leapt through Time’ gave one such notion that time waits for no one. This film is of a similar essence, yet where ‘The Girl who Leapt through Time’ is light-hearted despite the heavy subject of losing a friend and using time for granted, ‘5 Centimetres per Second’ sharpens into clarity the time-impeded hardships and their aches.

‘5 Centimetres per Second’  is a film that struck me through the heart. Compared to the rest of Makoto Shinkai’s works, such as ‘Your Name’, this film doesn’t try to be exciting and fun. It is a slow – and may I say, at first, tedious – drag through murky waters, exploring ugly truths and torturous period of growing up and learning to let go of something that doesn’t belong to you. It is a beautiful, heart-breaking, chest-squeezing masterpiece. This film by Makoto Shinkai, released in 2007, is about two friends – Akari and Takaki – who are driven apart by time and distance. They have to move due to their parents’ jobs. Although they never give up on contacting each other, through letters and, later, emails, time gnaws on the thread of their relationship, pushing them slowly and steadily apart.

In this essay, I will be dissecting some of the things that grabbed me from the start of this film; specifically the journeys of the protagonist, Takaki, and the two deuteragonists, Akari and Kanae. The film is segmented into three episodes, which is a lovely yet unusual way of delivering a fine story, despite it being merely an hour and three minutes long.

Disclaimer: I do not own this film or any of the gif sets. All rights and credits belong to the rightful owners. 

First, the film opens upon two close childhood friends -- Akari and Takaki -- who chose to ally, at the beginning, against bullies in their school. Their friendship begins with this small, trivial fact that Akari pulls out of the spring sky, “…they say it’s five centimetres per second. The speed of a falling cherry petal. Five centimetres per second.” Soon, they stumble into a small world of their own, and, unsurprisingly, feelings blossom. But fate has other plans for them.

Akari doesn’t go to her dream high school with Takaki, as her parents move away from her childhood town. They still keep in contact, no matter how heartbroken they are. Along the way, Takaki’s parents must also move away, but the place they are going to doesn’t close the distance rifting them. It furthers it. Before the week Takaki has to move, he decides he will travel the distance to see Akari one last time, fearing he won’t be able to, later in time. But the journey there is difficult. Frost clenches the rails. Snow arrests the landscape in a cold, merciless way. The wind buries ice into his bones. Due to the weather, the train encounters a delay. The station they pull up at seems as if it’s in the middle of nowhere. Just snow, stretching on for miles. Just the empty, black sky yawning  an unending abyss, so deep for a second you think you might fall into it and never land. Takaki purchases a drink from a vending machine, but when he gropes for coins in his trousers’ pocket, a letter shifts up, the wind picks up and snatches it away. His face crumples into helplessness, as all his emotions written on that letter flies into the winter night. Lost. And you can feel the lostness digging into your chest.

This is where I stopped watching the first time I’d played it. The film drags on upon the cold, dark atmosphere that it builds throughout this scene, accompanied by Takaki’s sorrowful monologue, as if all the weight of the world is caged in his chest. I suddenly felt frigid, like my veins were encased in ice, and the weight of depressing thoughts took hold of me. It’s beautiful, I think, to be able to capture the viewer in such heart-wrenching feelings, but at that moment, I couldn’t bear it. In ‘Your Name’ and ‘Garden of Words’, the characters had fiery, rebellious or humorous personalities; it wasn’t hard to get immersed in the films. However, in ‘5 Centimetres per Second’, neither of the protagonists nor the deuteragonists had this type of attitude; they were hard, struggling people, and their realness was all too much for me. So, I cut off there. It was a long time until my sister convinced me to watch it again, beginning with the seemingly endless train ride. The second time, I understood his feelings. I saw everything from a slightly different perspective, treating the story distantly, so that the more depressing of my emotions wouldn’t get entangled in it.

The weather is still ruthless. The train is still and silent just like the rest of the world. Blowing hot breaths on his cupped hands to keep warm, Takaki whispers in his mind, pleading Akari not to wait for him. It strangles me how much they obviously care for each other, yet the universe is so intent on setting them apart. Takaki, at last, arrives at the station where he’s supposed to meet Akari. Midnight. There, sitting on the benches of the waiting area, is Akari. They only have a few hours left before dawn. But they ignore time, for now, and talk. They eat the cooled dinner Akari had prepared for his arrival. Then, when the station’s about to close, they walk down a snowy, desolate path. Stop under a frosted cherry tree. And they kiss. They never get the chance to express their feelings.

The morning comes to separate them, and sweetly, as you’d expect, they promise to each other they’ll never forget and will always keep writing to one another. This promise carries on, despite the day after that Takaki moves to a town near the sea.

The episode closes, to start a new chapter of their lives.

Surprisingly, we do not find Akari in the second episode of the film. She is absent on the screen, except for her name that Takaki writes and thinks of. His high school life is uneventful. He makes friends easily, achieves great grades, and aspires to go to university in Tokyo, one day. But the wish, the hope, that he might see Akari again and talk to her, urges him to keep looking forward. It seems to be the only thing that makes him want to walk, and be a good person, because apart from that, he is an empty shell who is tugged and swallowed by the same tide, stuck in a motion that never seems to let him go. He is also that tide. His attachment to Akari and his inability to let her go, traps him in the same place.

Meanwhile, a girl from his class, named Kanae, harbours an inexplicable crush on him. We’re introduced to her as a girl who has a passion for surfing, yet spends the afternoon until late in the evening, just to catch Takaki about to go home on his scooter, so that they could drive home together. At first, I thought it was kind of pitiful and pathetic, her loving someone whom she doesn’t really know and who doesn't share the feelings she’s folded so neatly inside her heart.  But, thankfully, Shinkai knew not to drawl Kanae’s character out as a clingy person, ensnared in fantasies. He shows that Kanae has other interests -- has a life -- other than her obsession of Takaki. Her life is complicated, and just as you would expect a normal high school teenager. When it comes to plans for her future, she is clueless, yet doesn’t bother trying to figure it out. Leaving her paper blank, it incites a small conflict between her, her counsellor, and her older sister who’s been taking care of her for an unspecified but long time. She struggles to find who she is.

One evening, after finding that Takaki had gone home early, and she’s driving home on her scooter, she spots his parked on the side of the road, where the land slopes upwards into a grassy hill. She sees him staring hard at his phone, fingers often typing something down, but every minute or so, they also press the delete button a couple of times. The blue light overlays his face, revealing the disturbing toll his distance with Akari over time. He’s conflicted. His jaw clenches and he snaps his flip phone shut; the darkness swallows his features. The unfocused look in his eyes tells Kanae she may be interrupting in a wrong moment, however, awareness sweeps across his gaze and he shifts it towards Kanae. This brief interaction summarises their relationship; Takaki looking forward to a future that is not waiting for him, staring past Kanae, who suppresses her feelings that she knows will never be requited.

Just when a few days later, Kanae produces courage from the depths of herself and she conquers the waves which had swept her constantly, before. She worries she won’t find this thrill, this rush of bravery anymore after that day, so she decides to relieve the weight of her feelings from her chest. But seeing Takaki more distant, withdrawing deeper into a husk of who he used to be, Kanae decides against it.

For many years, it stays that way.

The most impeding mark this film makes is in the third episode, where Takaki has made it to work in a computing company as an unseen employee, but the missingness Akari has left him years ago had carved his soul out. The sceneries are browner, duller, and we see the tiny flat in which he lives in being cluttered. Messed up. And we glimpse his mentality in those flashing moments of disarray as the animated shots show cans of beer and piles of dirty dishes in the sink and discarded wrappers of junk food. It strikes me how, in the second episode, in spite of Takaki’s distractedness, he was a really decent, kind person. His bedroom, then, was tidy, bed made, and I had a feeling that perhaps such was his way of coping; repetitive cleaning, busying oneself with any distractions that kept him from reaching for his phone. But in this third episode, he is exactly the opposite. We are shown how ruined he is inside-out. After all this time, it passing, he has not moved on one single step forward alongside time. He is still trapped in the pain of his attachment to Akari. His narrative constantly laments over the missing piece in his life, a cavern threatening to swallow him in the dark, and sometimes associates that interstice with Akari’s absence and their unsaid feelings for each other.

One morning, Kanae leaves a voice message. They haven’t seen each other since Takaki left for university in Tokyo, according to her narrative. She says she would like to meet him again someday to get some things off her chest. Takaki kills the message, and then the scene switches to Kanae’s life. Although she is an ordinary office worker behind a cubicle desk, she appears to be pleased with how far she’s come from not knowing what she wanted for her future to being there, living her future. Even as she said in the voice message that she wanted to confess her affections for Takaki, it doesn’t seem as if she still possesses the same feelings at the present. She’s moved on, because she has learnt not to dwell on emotions unreturned or it may poison you as you squander it inside. Her simple happiness and Takaki’s gnawing depression underline the change of these two characters in the course of the last few years of their lives; Kanae used to be uncertain about her life, timid and groping blindly in the dark, most of all unable to move on from her unrequited affections for Takaki, but when we look at her state in the last episode of the film, she has become this fiercely-determined, neat person, content with her life despite all hardships – the complete opposite of Takaki, who in his teenage stage of life had worked hard to succeed and be able to enrol at the university closest to Akari’s whereabouts, now is a walking ghost, void of any spark of will, and he drowns his daily sorrows in alcohol.

The scene shifts, then, to Akari. Even though we haven’t seen her in the majority of the film, she is a crucial character to the movement of the plot and the development of the protagonist. She’s all grown-up, now, just like the others, and we find the glint of an engagement ring on her finger as she bids her parents farewell at the station, about to depart for Tokyo to meet her fiancé and plan the wedding there. The camera pans briefly to a young woman and man embracing each other under the sunlight, in the middle of a bustling station. Fleetingly, we know she is also happy and has moved on.

The several minutes following that, seasons shed their previous skins to start anew. We stop at spring the next year, a sort of reminiscent flashback of little Akari and Takaki chasing each other down a quiet street on their way to school, and that innocuous fact about cherry blossom petals falling as fast as five centimetres per second. The camera keeps switching back and forth between the three lives of the characters, catching glimpses of their daily lives. In a quieter part of the city, where train tracks crisscross and the light spring sun sprays every surface of leaf, petal and gravel, a woman and a man walk across the tracks, going in opposite directions. The woman hesitates upon passing the man, yet she doesn’t stop, her bright umbrella twirling over her dark head. But the man – he jerks for a second. The bells ring, warning pedestrian of the train that is about to pass. Uncertainty grips his arms and feet and head in place, and by the time it doesn’t, he’s brave enough to look back – by the time the woman halts in her step to glance over her shoulder – the train whizzes by.

What is mesmerizing about this last moment before the screen goes black is the beautiful animation. Words are not said – and have hardly been uttered throughout the duration of the film – in this specific scene, but the body language, the expressions depicted on these characters and the figurative image of a train cutting the paths of people who’d once crossed and couldn’t untangle from one another, speak with more depth than any words can. The man’s shoulders relax. He smiles. He doesn’t wait for the train to fade from his sight, so that he could see the woman he has been in love with for the majority of his life. He turns around and walks away; that simple movement signifies he is letting go, moving on, at last.

Furthermore, this beautifully-executed film is a reminder that there are many things in life that will slip through your fingers, no matter how hard you try to clench it within your grasp. It tells a realistic story about letting go and learning to walk in time again, not against time. 

[phonaesthemes]

a list of asks

@padawanyugi tagged me in this, but Tumblr decided to eat any notification that I got tagged, so I’m glad I saw it on my dash because I like filling these things out. Thanks for tagging me! I may have typed A Lot.

Favorites: What types of books do you enjoy? Tell about what you’ve read recently (Or maybe about a book you hated recently!)I like spec-fic and sci-fi, although less “hard” science fiction, and I also enjoy fantasy. I read a lot of YA even though I’m in my 30s just because it seems easy to find a story I want to read and I’m not usually in the mood for dense prose.

I’ve been rereading the Wheel of Time series since it’s getting an Amazon TV show; it was my first non-LOTR fantasy series and I love it to death, warts and all, although I love joking about the weak points with other people who’ve read it. I think the last other thing I read was A Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue, which was a queer YA historical fiction, and it was a lot of fun. I wish I’d had access to all these queer stories when I was an actual teenager, but better late than never.

What types of music do you like to listen to? Share five songs from your music library. I really do like a bit of everything, although I gravitate towards certain genres more often depending on the season or time of day, so I’m going to cheat and pick 5 per season. Summer for me is lots of peppy pop (pride playlists!), punk and rock and punk-adjacent stuff, just upbeat stuff in general. -Weekender, by The Royal They -Break My Heart, by Dua Lipa -Toutes les femmes savent danser, by Loud -Ruby Soho, by Rancid -Womanarchist, by Bad Cop, Bad Cop

In the fall, my inner goth kid craves darkwave, goth rock, dramatic folk, roots rock, and also anything that reminds me of Halloween. -Iuka, by the Secret Sisters -Bela Lugosi’s Dead, by Bauhaus -How’s It Gonna End, by Tom Waits -Under the Milky Way, by The Church -I Put a Spell on You, by Screamin’ Jay Hawkins I could go on about the Christmas music I like at length (Boney M’s Christmas album slaps, ngl) but I’ll just skip that and say that I listen to more classical and piano pieces in the winter. I’m terrible at remembering names, so artists only: -Ludovico Einaudi -Chopin -Debussy -Saint-Saëns -Dvořák And in spring I’m usually just depressed af and listen to whatever. -FML, by K.Flay -Weird Part of the Night, by Louis Cole -Juodaan Viinaa, by Korpiklaani -P.O.H.U.I., by Carla’s Dreams -Marryuna, by Baker Boy

Do you have a show or movie that you can just put on anytime and it’s your comfort? Definitely Star Trek. I’ve rewatched the various iterations (except TOS) so many times. Also Mean Girls and Bring It On, idk why.

Do you have a favorite dessert? Tiramisu or creme brulée! Or macarons. I don’t eat dessert really unless I’m at a restaurant.

Do you have a favorite cold drink? Sparkling water, hands down.

Do you have a favorite game? The hours I have put into the SIms in my lifetime is probably shameful, although I haven’t played in a while. Don’t Starve is another contender for hours played, but I am also really fond everything by Amanita Design

Do you have a favorite part of your self care/beauty/health routine? I haven’t been doing it much lately since I’ve been dealing with some uncertain health issues with my joints (actually have a rheumatologist appointment later today), but savasana after a long yoga workout is borderline ecstasy.

Do you have a favorite type of take-out food? Indian for sure.

What’s your favorite type of exercise/physical activity? I have a love-hate relationship with running. I don’t actually love it but I love how I feel after. I really enjoy yoga. I love playing in the water at the beach, bodyboarding and swimming.

Pick between: (you choose the context)

Cook or bake? (I love cooking A Lot)

Space or ocean? (Hard to pick, but I grew up by the ocean and it’s 100% my happy place)

Chocolate or vanilla?

City or suburb or rural? (I grew up in an isolated rural village and I miss the quiet and the slower pace of life, but I do not miss the lack of amenities and opportunities, or the smalltown gossip. I also don’t drive bc of epilepsy, so I’m fucked as far as transport in rural settings.)

Past or future?

Shower in the morning or evening?

Mac/Apple or PC/Android? (Linux in general!)

Sing or dance?  (I don’t have an amazing voice but I can carry a tune without it being painful, and I love singing along with songs.)

Get up early or sleep in? (I actually love sleeping in but with two kids, early morning is my only time to myself, so I wake up before 6 most days AGGH.)

Shoes, socks, or bare feet? (Hate socks. I’m barefoot at home all year round.)

Marker, crayon, or pencil? Pen!

Tea, coffee, or hot chocolate? (Coffee in the morning, tea later on.)

Random questions:

Have you ever had any pets? (Had dogs and a cat as a kid, and as an adult I’ve had betta fish and cats, and I have a cat currently.)

What is your academic background/job field? I did my undergrad in linguistics, and I am currently a stay-at-home dad lol. I do freelance editing and transcription on the side. I don’t think I’ll ever work in my field bc I really don’t have the energy to go to grad school.

What’s something random that you’re into (even if you aren’t good at it)? I signed up for a Cape Breton step dancing class in university and I loved it.

Are you good at putting away your clean laundry right away? It depends on the day, but generally yes. Mine and everyone else’s. When I lived alone? Absolutely not.

What’s one of your pet peeves? Someone trying to have a conversation with me when they have the radio or TV on. I can’t follow what you’re saying if someone else is speaking! I hate having that stuff on as background noise in general.

What’s something you’re pretty good at? I’m a great cook.

What’s the most recent nice thing you bought for yourself? A new conditioner ig? lol

Can you sew? I can mend a small tear or sew on a button, but it’s been years since I did more than that.

What’s a chore you hate (or a chore you enjoy)? I hate vacuuming so much. So much. Maybe if I had a better vaccuum cleaner I wouldn’t mind it, but I just feel like I’m fighting with the stupid thing, getting caught up on its own cords, caught on furniture, can’t quiiiite reach a spot... HATE IT. I like shoveling snow sometimes, though.

Tell us a fun fact about yourself. I am 20 years older than my youngest sibling, and five minutes younger than my “oldest” sibling.

Never have I ever... Gone fishing, even though I’m from a fishing community.

What extracurriculars did/do you do in school? In high school, I played trumpet in band until the band got dissolved from lack of funding. I played soccer one year, was in a play another year. We had an art club for like a semester that I was in. In university the first time round, I did step dancing and intramural hide and seek  Second time around, I was in the linguistics club to help with assignments. (We were very much encouraged to work in pairs or groups for a lot of different classes. The only thing was that you did need to list your group members on the assignment so the prof knew who you worked with. My first morphology class in particular, we had a whole homework club where a huge portion of the class got together to work through assignments and help each other understand, and the prof would quite often show up. </tangent>

Deeper questions:

How’s your quarantine/last few months been? The cabin fever was really bad before the weather warmed up. I struggle with seasonal depression every spring, and it’s gotten much worse since we moved to Edmonton because of how long the winters are. (Snow from September to May/June? Fucccck.) It’s frankly horrifying to look at what’s going on in the US, but even though we have far fewer cases here, I’m really anxious that we’ll see another wave soon. Otherwise, I think I’ve adjusted. Home-schooling, hand-sanitizing, social distancing, masks...All feels kind of normal now, which should maybe concern me.

What do you think of human nature/society/etc.? I am like the least philosophical person you will meet so I don’t think I really have many thoughts.

What’s something you are insecure about? Writing my L2 if a native speaker is gonna read it.

What do you think is the meaning of life/reason that humans exist in the universe? I don’t think there is one, and that doesn’t bother me.

Do you think you’re better (whatever that means to you) than you used to be? Definitely. My adolescence and early adulthood was rough. I was dealing with a lot of trauma, untreated bipolar disorder, and I self-harmed for a very long time. I could not imagine making it to 30, let alone being stable and happy. I actively avoided thinking about the future because it made me spiral. But I was lucky enough to get help, consistent help from a doctor I clicked with, and it made a world of difference. I think younger me would be disappointed at how mundane my life is, but I’m thrilled to be boring because boring means no life-upending mood episodes. I have a happy partnership and two delightful kids and I couldn’t ask for more.

What are your thoughts on religion? I’m not religious and my own experience being raised in the Catholic church was frankly traumatic, but I know that it’s a source of comfort and community for many others and I think that’s awesome for them.

Do you think that there are aliens out there? I think so, although I think that we may not even know what other kinds of life to look for and may not recognize it even if we find it.

What’s something that’s been on your mind recently? We’re moving cross-country in less than a month (driving, no less, nearly 5000 km) and I still have so much to do to get ready aosjdoajdoasijdoaijsd

[weabbynormalblog]

10 Winter Holidazes Tips and tricks-

For those living with Fibromyalgia, CFS, depression, auto immune etc. it's time to have a little fun.

This time of year can be physically brutal, stressful and full of triggers. From Bright lights, lots of decorations, music, food and people. Yes and fun too!

The list...

1- Be Prepared

Me, I'm all about the quality of the moment. I want to survive the holidays and not end up in bed and have some fun too! For me its 1 festive beverage, water or juice after that. I'll avoid my muscle relaxant for 2-3 hours, I'll bring my own snacks, music/meditation and eye mask. Be prepared for any kind of moments. Also be prepared to have some fun, if your not into the event then do something that you do enjoy so you don't have the holiday blues.

2 - Pack healthy snacks, include mints or gum. Sucking on a candy can also distracts brain and keep you from indulging in too much of the sweets. Many of us who suffer with auto immune issues and disorders sugar is often is a trigger. I suggest portion control for those who tend to over indulge. Grab a plastic cup put your chips(taboo food) in there, when it's empty your done.

3 - Prepare for some discomfort. Remember your Meds. Distraction photos maybe of your children, animals, art project...plus whatever has worked for you in the past. Have something to focus on rather than your pain, discomfort or unhealthy thoughts. Have handy in your phone a seven to ten minute meditation to follow, to help you deal with all that input. Practice deep breathing technics. Do box breathing to combat anxiety - Get your friends to do it with you. No room for your timeout or rest? Take some me time in the washroom. Go sit in the stall put on your eye mask plug in your head phones. You can also go sit in your car untill you feel better then go back, or ask for company if you need it.

4 - Think pro active if you can. How have other outings gone? How did you cope? What worked? What needs improvement? Plan on that.

5 - Prepare topics that you would like to talk about. Write a few coaching words or topics in your phone. Since my brain injury conversation is problematic for me for many reasons. So here's a chance to improve my communication skills. Everyone is out for fun, your not being judge in this scenario. It's bound to be interesting and different than our usual day to day events. No expectations here except to have a good time. Don't worry if you forget to get to the point, the conversation will turn. If it's hard to follow conversations listen to only one person talking. Seek out quieter environs for conversations. Sometimes I like just listening too. I miss parts of the conversation that's normal for me, there's no point in being upset about it. My balance is terrible so I need to be careful because its so easy to fall too. Sure it can be embarrassing, screw it, I'm ok move on.!!!! It's beyond me, so there's no point in being embarrassed. What were we talking about, again? I find that fascinating etc. Put the emphasis on other people rather than on yourself. It's a perfect time to leave your struggles and worries behind. Remember to ask questions and feel free to interject how you would deal or cope. Forgot something? Said the wrong thing because of misunderstandings? No worries, this is you, they either get it or don't and it's all good.

6 - How to answer the worst question anyone could ask you. How are you? Such a loaded question. This is not the time or place to really tell people about your ordeal or how your doing. The perfect answer is I'm managing and how about you? Your out, appreciate it, savor it and manage it. Save the heart to heart for your close friends, not for socializing. If they are really curious and positive people agree to get together and hang out.

7 - Your starting to get tiered, that's the red flag, time to go. Say no if people urge you to stay. We need to respect our pain and boundaries today so that we can function tomorrow. When you've had enough say thank you, nice talking and excuse me, see you later or nice seeing you, say your good byes and go.

So I chose 1 event to go to this month and its a New Years music jam party at the restaurant that I jam at. I want to perform, sing and play guitar. I'll need all the energy I can get.

7 - Rest Up

So it's gonna be loud, lots of lights, got my bling sunglasses and ear plugs ready. I will be managing my energy very closely days before as well, while I practice my set list and rest. I will be napping before the outing or at least resting and meditating, so I can be at my best for the occasion. Take out your outfit days before try it on and so on. Be comfortable, don't wear your gorgeous high heel unless you brings some flats too, it's unrealistic for me to be in high heels for more than 1-2 hours. Make necessary planing changes for this outing, so you won't be hesitant the next time to take offers to go somewhere. You'll be well prepared and rested.

8 - Plan for lots of time to get ready. Stress creeps in easily for us. Make sure you leave plenty of time to get ready. I don't know about you but I don't do anything fast. 1 speed only, slow. And yet I can sing and play a fast song how weird is that?

The point is to enjoy your outing as stress free as possible while managing your energy. If you like to dance do just a bit. I suggest to sit out most of it if you want to See the ball drop, no point in exhausting yourself completely. If it's your jam, then you go, go go!!!

9 -Just say no, maybe another time.

Do not commit to more than you can possibly handel. Pick 1 event that you really want to go to this holiday season. Commit only to that. If your peeps are looking to connect with you, suggest a get together at your place or somewhere in the middle or an outing thats mutually beneficial. Like a walk outside to go get some hot chocolate. A spa date, a trip to the gym, go for a swim. Meet up for coffee.

As someone with Fibro or Cfs etc. Eating healthy is very important to us. I suggest bring enough of your favorite treat when out and about. Got allergies bring your own meal if you must. Human interaction is especially important for us. We need a whole tribe for this thing to get better. We tend to self isolate all the time due to pain and emotional issues. Your pain is important to me and others. It's not healthy for us to be in a dark room all the time. Humans are social creatures. We do need to take some responsibility of walking the path of better health whenever we can. Push yourself but only a little bit, don't overwhelm or undermine yourself in any way. No promises or commitments or anything that doesn't jive with you right now. Do what feels natural and comfortable that just pushes your boundaries just a little. Be conscious of managing your energy better so we can have a better day tomorrow too.

10- Have fun! Do feel great that you can get out! Be humble, if you can't and don't worry you missed this event there will always others. Take your time to heal, you'll make it to another one, when you're up too it. There's lots of people who can't get out during holidays, it's all too much. I say do something special for yourself. Book a massage, order in a meal. Treat yourself to some dark truffle chocolates.

Enjoy responsibly wherever your at!

[ancientbooshartifacts]

Ask Naboo

Author: Nonexistantpup

Year: 2010

Rating: PG

Characters/Pairings: Naboo, Bollo, Spider Dijon, Rudi Van DiSarzio, The Braincell, Howince, Moss/Roy

Bollo slid his glasses up to his forehead and rubbed his hairy temples with two fingers. “It no good,” he said with a frown. Naboo looked up, annoyed. He was busy relaxing and smoking and hated to be interrupted. “What’s no good?” “Books no add up,” Bollo said. He sigh. “Bollo warn Naboo that monkeys not make good book keeper.” “What are you saying?” asked Naboo, with an impending feeling of doom. He’d have said he had a bad feeling, but didn’t want to steal Bollo's favourite phrase. “Need money,” Bollo explained. “Stop paying the losers workin’ downstairs then,” said Naboo. “Done that. Sold beach house too. No more money. What else can Naboo spare?” Naboo frowned. There was his submarine, but he never felt comfortable without one of them in the house. His Rudi & Spider memorabilia couldn't go either, of course, and his rug collection was pretty vital. “We better fix this,” he said unhelpfully. “Otherwise I’ll have to sell you, Bollo.” Bollo paled. Or - well, he didn't really pale. His fur remained the same colour. He seemed unnerved, however. “But - Naboo need familiar!” “I know,” said Naboo. He tapped his chin. “We need make money.” Naboo clicked his tongue and took another drag from his hookah. “I suppose I can go back into pop psychiatry,” he said thoughtfully. “I do sort of miss it. Hearing about peoples’ problems. Imparting wisdom. The regular income...” “What about Bollo?” asked Bollo. Naboo shrugged. “You could be my editor.” Bollo seemed appeased by this idea, and put his glasses back down onto the table. “Now,” said Naboo, “Call up the newspapers and tell them I'm willing to reinstate my relationships column." Dear Naboo, I can’t fulfill my partner’s sexual needs anymore; I'm exhausted! If it was just a good, hard romp four or five times a day, it would be no problem, but he’s practically insatiable! He has eight cocks, you see, which means every time we make love, we do it eight times in a row, each time lasting at least a month and a half. Now, I'm not great at mathematics, but I contacted a local mathematician, who informs me that 4 x 8 x 1.5 equals 48. Which means that every day, I have sex for over forty-eight months - in other words, more than four years! I'm exhausted! What should I do? - A Worn-Out Woman ‘Worn-Out Woman’, As I see it, your options are threefold. 1. Dump the freak and get some sleep. 2. Let me tell you the story of the broken flute. Once upon a time, there was a flute. One day, he tripped over one of his shoelaces and fell onto the footpath, breaking to pieces instantly. All the little shards of flute were scattered all over the place, causing passing bare-footed pedestrians to cut their feet. One of these pedestrians happened to be a passing eccentric billionare, who limped home, not realising the shard was still in his foot. The shard of flute had never been in a mansion before, and hopped off gleefully to look around, and liked the place so much that, that night, it cut the millionaire's throat while he slept and inherited his entire fortune. See what I'm sayin’? 3. Get over it. Sure, it may be hard to deal with at times. I get that. But think about it, yeah? You’ve got a man who alters the very laws of physics, the axioms of reality, just in order to have enough time to spend in the sack with you every day. There’s not many men who would do that. Love, Naboo

= =   

To Naboo, How can I make my boyfriend take our relationship more seriously? I mean, we have so much fun together and I know he cares about me, and yet whenever people ask him about me, he lies as if he’s ashamed, saying he is merely changing one of my strings. I love him, but if this doesn’t change, I don’t think I can go on seeing him. Please save our relationship? - Irritated Instrument Irritated Instrument, I had a similar conundrum in the forties, as it happens, when my girlfriend at the time wouldn't admit to being deeply in love with our cutlery drawer. They got together eventually, and are still together today, I believe, and expecting their second child. There are two options I can reccommend: 1. Don’t give up! If he cares for you, he will come through. Speak to him openly and honestly and tell him how you feel. 2. Give up! He’s a loser who seems to enjoy getting off with inanimate objects anyway. Find somebody more your type - a cello or perhaps a ukulele if you’re strung that way. Love, Naboo = = Deer Naboo, It’s got to the point where I just don’t no what to do anymore. I am married with children, yet I can’t seem to think of anything except the other people I’d like to shag and how much the drudgery of an unhappy marriage is marring my carefully pampered image. It would be alright, you know, but the person I’d really ideally like to fool around with just sees me as her boss. I’ve tried everything! I invited her to work late, and she worked late. I told her she was cute and she said ‘thank you’. I even custom-designed a sparkly soot, just to get her attention, but she still doesn't notice me. I'm starting to doubt my dead sexiness and although I know I have quite an important job, my work ethic is crumbling like a fresh piece of shortbread. What can I do?! - Suffering Cell Suffering Cell, I have some words of wisdom for you, although I can’t be sure they will be anything new. You have not been specific about many of your problems, but my crystal ball has kindly filled in most of the blanks. What you must consider very seriously is this tale - the tale of the ant and the grasshopper. Once upon a time, there was an ant and a grasshopper. They were experiencing a fruitful summer. For the whole season, the ant worked hard, storing up food for the winter while the grasshopper just hung around smoking joints and watching the telly, not collecting any food except for what he wanted to eat that day. The ant warned him that laziness came with consequences, but the grasshopper didn't care. When winter came, the ant had a huge stockpile of food - enough to keep it and its family nourished all the way through until spring, while the grasshopper was left outside, cold and hungry. He had run out of weed and the electric company disconnected his telly. Desperate, he knocked on the ant’s front door to beg for food, but frustrated with the grasshopper’s lack of responsibility, the ant said he would only share his family’s food if the grasshopper sold his body, prostituting himself off to the ant in exchange for food. The grasshopper, who wasn’t into that kind of thing (in fact, he was a bit of a prude) turned away in disgust, and the very next day he hopped aboard a plane, smuggling himself in the luggage of a slightly inebriated badger. He found himself on the other side of the world, where it was summer and food was plentiful, paid his way out of debt quickly and hired a lawyer so he could sue the ant for sexual harassment. I hope this has cleared some things up for you. Love, Naboo.

= = Alright, Naboo? Probably are. You seem to be pretty on top of things, being a shaman and that. Anyway, I live with a friend of mine who drives me nuts. He has no taste in clothes or music (ie. wears tweed and listens to jazz), is finicky (ie. Control Freak!) and I just fancy the pants off him. Well - not literally. Do you think it would be possible for me to actually do that though? But that’s not my question. See, he's taken to walking around the place wearing nothing. Well, nothing except this monocle of his - something to do with ‘going au naturale with class’. Whatever the reason behind it, it’s making me mental. I can’t even fancy the pants off him from afar, because a whole lot of the time he ain’t wearing them to begin with! So, what do you reckon? - A Very Randy Socialite Very Randy Socialite, You batty crease. Can't you tell? He's trying to seduce you. Just don't do anything unless you're sure there’s nobody else in the house, yeah? Love, Naboo P.S. I mean it. If I hear you two humping away in the next room, I'm throwing you out on your naked arses. I don't need that shit.

= =

Dear Naboo, I'm having the most awful trouble getting girls. See, I'm not bad to look at and I'm a clever, sensitive man, but none of them will look past my career. I am a homocidal maniac (hoping to climb the ladder and become an official genocidal maniac). I can't give that up! How can I get girls to accept me? - Bloody Lonely Bloody Lonely, I had a friend with the same problem. He worked in Dickson’s and girls could never come to terms with it, judging him and all that. Here's some wisdom that helped him and will hopefully do the same for you. This is the story of the green crow. Once upon a time, there was a crow. He was a normal crow, except for the fact that he was green and looked like a big, feathered, mouldy potato. In fact, one day Marilyn Manson saw him and was so disgusted that he kicked the poor crow into the recycling bin at a local primary school. The green crow was very upset, especially since he was such a huge Marilyn Manson fan he had a milky lens in one eye and hadn't drunk any water since 1997. Depressed, he sat in the recycling bin for days, ‘caw’ing miserably. On the fourth day, however, a whole lot of colourful craft paper cuttings rained down on him. The green crow was newly inspired. He found some old chewing gum and made himself a turban and cloak out of the colourful paper. From that day on, everybody treated him with respect because they thought he was a mouldy, green, feathered shaman and Marilyn Manson issued a public apology. That should clear up your problems. Love, Naboo.

= =

To Sir/Madam (I'm sorry, your name is quite androgynous), I must admit I am quite distressed. My best friend and I are always doing things together. We should be seeing girls but instead we’re always in each other’s company like an old married couple. I'm at the end of my tether. Thank you in advance, - In A Flippin’ Rut In A Flippin’ Rut, The answer to your problem is so simple, I'm frankly staggered that you’ve even found the need to ask my advice. Obviously, you and your best friend are meant to be together. The real problem is just that you have all the elements of a successful marriage except for a healthy sex life. So, you know. Get it on. Duh! Love, Naboo P.S. I do have more specific advice regarding what you should do, but it is inappropriate material to have published here. Send me a private email and I shall tell you the story of the phallus-shaped coral.

= =

Dear Naboo, Just what kind of an advice columnist are you? My friend wrote to you, complaining that we can't meet anyone because we're "like an old married couple" and you send him some story about coral willies and tell him to seduce me in the most disgusting way imaginable. You are obviously a pervert and shouldn't be allowed to give advice to anyone. -Thoroughly Repulsed P.S. Just to clear things up, we are NOT like a married couple in any way. 

= =

Thoroughly Repulsed, That’s gratitude for you. From your indignation, it’s pretty clear to me that the seduction worked. If you wanted it to happen in another way - one that perhaps didn't involve an aquarium, smelling salts or three feet of chicken wire - you should have stepped up and made the first move on your ‘friend’ long ago. What are you, some kind of selfish, absent-minded, narcissistic slacker? You pompous bloody wanker. Love, Naboo P.S. Whatever. P.P.S. Bite me. P.P.P.S. Prick. P.P.P.P.S. Watch your step, yeah? Or I will turn my back on you.

= =

Naboo, I'll have you know that the seduction did NOT work. What I saw when I got into work this morning made me want to vomit. It's pretty clear to me that you're a wanker with nothing better to do than corrupt perfectly nice people with your kinky fantasies. My friend and I haven't spoken to each other all day and it's been very awkward for the both of us. I hope you're happy. -Repulsed P.S. You're the prick. And how dare you call me narcissistic. 

[readingraebow]

Boardwalk Empire Section One

Chapters 1-6

1. Have you ever seen the TV Series, Boardwalk Empire? Have you ever been to Atlantic City? If not, what do you know about it? I have seen the show! I actually really, really love the show. Though I've only seen the first two seasons because my favorite character died and I'm still trying to ~recover from that before I continue. I do plan to continue though at some point. I'm just still upset. It's been over a year though since I finished season two so it might be about time to get going again. And, anyway, I haven't been to Atlantic City, unfortunately. I would like to go someday but the only place I've been on the east coast is Georgia. But someday I hope to either move to the east coast or at least travel there some more. But since watching BE and learning that Monopoly is based on Atlantic City, I'm actually super interested in it as a historical place and I would like to go there someday! And honestly I don't know a whole lot about it?? Just mainly what I've seen from the show and from that episode of How I Met Your Mother when they went to Atlantic City. And basically that it's the east coast Vegas. So other than that, not a lot?? I'm excited to learn more though!!

2. Who was Jonathan Pitney and what did he want that he couldn’t achieve on his current career path as a physician? How did he finally get the railroad to come to Atlantic City? Jonathan Pitney was a small town doctor but back before being a doctor was a profession through which you made a lot of money. So he did A LOT of work but for really poor people and mostly on the barter system and didn't even make enough to support himself. So he mostly lived off the kindness of his mother-in-law. So eventually he decided that he wanted to ~make his mark on the world. So he tried politics but that didn't really go all that well?? So instead he set his sights on Absecon Island which was an island that was barely inhabited??? This guy had used it literally as farmland and he'd had ten kids and owned basically the whole island and so with all of his kids they'd run it as this giANT farm and as a result he was really rich??? Well he's since died and his heirs didn't want to be farmers so they were willing to sell it. So Pitney's dream was to buy the island and build a resort for the rich and to sell it as a ~seaside health resort. Well the problem was that the island wasn't easy to get to?? So Pitney realized that if he could get the railroad to go through there, he could find financial backers and make his dream a reality. So he petitioned for years to bring the railroad to the island but no one was really interested? Eventually he realized he was approaching this wrong and, instead, if he could get some of the rich people from Southern Jersey interested then he could possibly have some influence to get the railroad through and also have some backers. So when he got Samuel Richards interested, that's when everything started actually going his way. Richards was rich and wanted the railroad to come his way anyway because it would help his business and make him richer. He didn't really buy into Pitney's dream but he is the one who helped find backers and put up a lot of his own money and got the railroad through there, finally starting the process to turn Absecon Island into Atlantic City.

3. Why was the boardwalk built? It was originally built to stop sand from being tracked into businesses/hotels. There was so much sand that it would end up EVERYWHERE and it was ruining carpets and furniture and things. So the original boardwalk was built but, hilariously enough, it wasn't permanent. It was only for summer and the boards would be removed during the winter and then replaced when summer arrived again. But, eventually, they saw the potential in the boardwalk and started building shops along it and then built a permanent boardwalk and that ended up being one of the selling points that brought in tourists. People would come from all over just to walk on the boardwalk. It was the first one like it in the world.

4. What opportunities did Atlantic City offer Blacks? Despite this, what were some of the numerous inequalities that they still faced living there? Blacks working in Atlantic City could make more money than anywhere they worked in the South and they could work "normal" hours. When the Civil War ended, it completely ruined the economy in the South and Blacks who remained there could basically only get jobs as domestic help (which was literally a step above slavery; they worked long hours, sometimes as much as 12 hours per day, and had few, if any, days off) or a sharecropper (which was basically like being a slave to the land since they were responsible for doing all the work, as they did when they were a slave, but all their money was tied up in the home they received on the land). So, if they wanted to make money, they would go north. Eventually, Atlantic City was such a draw for Blacks that it had the largest black population in the North. Working in the resorts, there were any number of jobs for Blacks, all of which paid pretty well. Working in hotels also meant that they weren't forced into long hours as they would if they were domestic help. However, even though they were afforded much better wages, White and Black was still seen as very different. It was almost like the Whites wanted the Blacks to show up and work and then just not exist after the workday ended. The Blacks ended up taking over the North of Atlantic City and most were still too poor to even afford their own houses. Therefore, housing was super crowded. And even though most of them worked on the Boardwalk, the Whites didn't like them venture there during the "off hours" and visiting the Boardwalk as consumers. Thus, the North of Atlantic City became like a city of its own with the Blacks meeting their own needs with new businesses opening to serve only Blacks. So even though Blacks were making way more money in Atlantic City than they would've anywhere else, segregation was starting with a bang.

5. What did the Bulletin try to put an end to in Atlantic City? Why didn’t their efforts work? The Bulletin tried to put an end to prostitution in Atlantic City but publishing a lot of articles "exposing" the brothels. Except, the Bulletin was a Philadelphia paper and most of the business in Atlantic City came from Philadelphia. At that time, Philadelphia was dominated by Quakers and a few other religious organizations. That meant that it was a very religious city and, basically, there was nowhere to go for a good time. Insert Atlantic City. It was only 60 miles from Philadelphia and since the Industrial Revolution really boomed in Philadelphia, the factory workers would spend six long days working and then on Sunday, instead of going to church, they'd hop on a train and go to Atlantic City. And they were looking to wind down and have a good time. Thus, the brothels wouldn't close just because a newspaper article when they were making more money off the Philadelphia factory workers than they knew what to do with. Bars were also supposed to be closed on Sunday but, in Atlantic City, their main purpose was to show patrons a good time, despite the laws. So most people just started ignoring the newspaper articles until, eventually, the paper stopped wasting their time writing them.

6. Who was Mabel and what happened to her? Mabel was Nucky's high school sweetheart and eventual wife. However, one year she ended up with a cough she couldn't shake and was diagnosed with tuberculosis. Nucky ended up taking her to a sanitarium in Colorado and intended to stay with her until she was well again. However, three weeks later Nucky returned to Atlantic City on the train, seated next to her coffin. Losing Mabel changed Nucky and he was never quite the same after her death.

7. Who screened every single applicant who applied to work in either Atlantic City or County? What were your duties to him if you were hired? Nucky personally screened every single applicant in Atlantic City or County. Sometimes, applicants would be told that they already had the job, they just had to meet with Nucky before they started. At this meeting, Nucky would usually just talk with them and ask them to pledge their loyalty to both him and the Republican Party. That was the main requirement to work in Atlantic City, especially if you were in law enforcement. Then, once hired, they were required to pay kickbacks which meant paying from one to seven percent of their salary, depending on how much they earned, to the Republican Party. They would also have an assigned number of voters they had to make sure turned out on election day. Some of them were dead, others were from out of town. But the city employee had to make sure they voted, even if it meant doing it themselves in different districts.

8. What contributed to Atlantic City’s financial struggles of the early 1930s? The Great Depression basically killed the Atlantic City economy. So when the Great Depression hit, the first thing to go was vacations so that meant that tourism was gone. But then Prohibition was repealed and that was the nail in the coffin. Because even when the Great Depression started, Atlantic City could still rely on the sale of alcohol. But when that stopped, they didn't even have the day trippers to rely on and their economy totally sunk. Ten of the fourteen banks closed. And most of the well established businesses couldn't keep afloat. The hotels were constantly in the red. And there was no relief in sight. Especially when the FBI came to town and started indicting everyone who'd prospered in the 20's.

  Section One Reading Journal

So. I read 30 pages of this book almost three years ago. And since I’m actual trash it took me this long to ~finally get back to this book. But. Here I am. Ready to finish the thing.

Anyway, it’s not that I don’t like this book because the information is honestly really, really interesting. It’s just that it’s not presented in the most interesting fashion. I honestly fell asleep twice just trying to make it through this section. Because it reads like a textbook???

But the story itself is really interesting. Atlantic City and its entire history fascinates me. And it’s really interesting to see what the show stuck with and what the show decided to change. I just wish it weren’t quite so... dry.

So. That being said, it was a bit of a struggle to get through this section. Though it didn’t take me three years. I read the 30 pages on vacation then moved and then I just now read the other 90 or so. It just took me a while to get back to it.

But I’ll definitely be finishing this here soon. Because I’m really curious about where it’s going from here?? It seems like it has already covered the run of the show. So we’re in uncharted territory from what I know of this story.

So. Can’t wait to continue and learn more about Atlantic City! #fascinated

[mysterylover123]

My Top 10 Favorite Series of All Time

Mysterylover123, to my followers.

This list, of course, could change. At some point in the future, I could always discover a new series that topples the competition - but for the moment, here they are. My top 10 favorite series of all time - mostly comics or television, but also film, and a few novel series made the honorable mentions list.

Of course, these are all just my personal favorites - that’s the key word. While I did consider objective quality when making the call, I mostly went with my gut and listed series I love for whatever reason - maybe sentimental value, pushing my personal buttons, or just characters I adored. I also made myself list the things I don’t like about the series as well, just to avoid gushing too much and remember that all but one (my #1) series out there are at least, a little, flawed, but nonetheless still lovable. With that in mind, here they are:

#10. CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (2000-2015)

Type: Live-Action TV show

Genre: Crime/Mystery; forensic drama, police procedural

Favorite character: Catherine Willows (Marg Helgenberger)

Favorite episode: “Grave Danger”, Parts 1 & 2 (Season 5 finale)

Favorite Season: 7

Favorite villain: The Miniature Killer/Natalie Davis

Bad points: Weak later seasons, forced romance subplot, copious amounts of filler

Why it’s here: CSI is nostalgic for me. I watched it during my early crime drama loving years, and found out that as much as I liked the premise, what made the show for me was the cast. That was the first time I realized how essential characters are to creating intriguing drama. CSI is still my favorite traditional crime/mystery show, since in seasons 1-8, it maintained a good balance of character drama and mystery-of-the-week. Season 7 is a high point,  balancing an ongoing story with lots of fun one-offs and an emotionally explosive payoff. Later seasons, however, wear down the show’s quality for me. Too many beloved characters left and the series becomes too reliant on filler, ending with a thud that is the series finale. But the best of CSI is still enough to land it here for me.

(Just to clarify, I mean Las Vegas)

#9. Futurama (1999-2003; 2008-2013)

Type: Animated TV Show + movies

Genre: Sci Fi Dramedy

Favorite character: Philip J Fry (Billy West)

Favorite episode: “Jurassic Bark”

Favorite season: 4

Favorite villain: Bender

Bad points: Sexism, weak later seasons, bad 2nd movie

Why it’s here: Futurama came to me during a phase of depression in my life, and the show’s combination of humor and cry-your-eyes out tragedy kept me going. I’ve seen it through five times, and it’s always a blast. To me, Futurama is better than The Simpsons. Simpsons is funnier, but only for seven years or so. Following those seven years are 21 of mediocrity, whereas Futurama thankfully cuts it short. While some of the later seasons are weaker than the early Fox years, they still have quality gems and the show’s unique flavor. The series speaks to me so much; it’s a mix of hilarious comedy, serious character drama, and high sci-fi concepts that all mesh together in a unique experience. This is a series that’s not afraid to try new things, to experiment and let the characters age and grow. My personal favorite part of the series is the friendship between the core trio, Fry, Bender and Leela. Any episode starring them is a-ok by me.

Favorite memories: Binge-watching the series during a period of unemployment.

#8. Death Note (2003-2004; 2006-2007)

Type of series: Manga/Anime

Genre: Supernatural Crime Thriller

Favorite Character: L Lawliet (Alessandro Juliani)

Favorite Episode: Episode 2, “Confrontation”

Favorite Arc: The first one

Favorite villain: Light Yagami (Brad Swaile)

Bad points: Weak second half, so-so character development

Why it’s here: Death Note is a dark, twisted, engrossing thriller, which under normal circumstances shouldn’t be re-watchable. But I keep coming back to it, regardless of how many times I’ve seen it before. It’s a digestible 37 episodes and 108 chapters, for one thing. It introduced me to two characters that endlessly fascinate and frustrate my analytical brain. The antagonists, Light and L, are two of the most brilliant characters I’ve come across in fiction, and their dynamic with each other is endlessly engaging. Well, it should have been through the whole series…if not for certain incidents. But no matter; we have what we have. Flawed, yes. Terrifying, certainly. Death Note scares me like no other story. But what frightens me in DN isn’t so much there gruesome deaths, but how effortlessly it portrays the banality of evil.

Favorite memories: Watching the show during the winter holidays while on vacation, and contemplating the series during the drive home.

#7. Spider-Man (1962-)

Type: Comic book; various mediums of adaptation

Genre: Superhero

Favorite character: Mary Jane Watson

Favorite Storyline: The Night Gwen Stacy Died, #121-122

Favorite villain: The Green Goblin

Bad points: Weak later issues, lots of filler, “One More Day”

Why it’s here: Spidey is still my favorite superhero. He was me in high school (I got into Spider-Man in high school, incidentally), the everyman, the representation of my nerdy outcast struggle and need to both escapism and greater responsibility. But what really drew me to the comic, and still does, was the vast and multifaceted supporting cast. In the great eras of Spidey (Ditko, Romita, Conway, and late 1980s), the supporting cast make the series. Whether it’s Peter’s various complex lady loves, the endless cavalcade of memorable villains, supporting dude-friends like Flash and Harry or my personal favorite, mainstay Mary Jane “you just hit the jackpot” Watson, the cast of Spidey was majorly influential with good reason. The series loses it’s skill in the 1990s, thanks to the Clone Saga and general 90s comic badness, and plummets into an irretrievable black hole in 2007, never to return. But fortunately, there’s still thirty years’ worthy of fascinating comics to draw from before that insanity begins. And those stories have in turn fed fantastic adaptations, whether it be the sentimental 90s animated show, a few of the films, or the superlative Spectacular cartoon.

Favorite memories: Reading Spider-Man comics after high school, while waiting to get picked up. Also, watching the 90s show as a little kid, even if those are kinda dim.

#6. Gravity Falls (2012-2016)

Type of series: Animated TV Show

Genre: Supernatural

Favorite character: Mabel Pines (Kirsten Schaal)

Favorite season: 2

Favorite episode: “Not What he Seems”

Favorite Villain: Bill Cipher

Bad points: A few filler episodes, some odd messages, so-so ending

Why it’s here: I love a good spooky story. Gravity Falls caught my attention around Halloween in 2016, 8 months after the series finale; I binged the whole series through in a weekend. The series remains one of the all-time best I’ve ever watched. With one or two exceptions, there are no outright bad episodes. Everything is either entertaining or incredibly entertaining. The characters feel real, the messages really hit home, and the creativity on display is astounding. Gravity Falls has something in every corner - great character development, compelling drama, laugh-out-loud comedy, and a truly engaging mystery that doesn’t disappoint. I wish the franchise ran a little longer, but I’ll give it props that unlike nearly every other show on this list, Gravity Falls doesn’t over-stay its welcome. Two seasons of brilliance, wrapping up with a strong, though not perfect, finale, before the series had a chance to go on too long or burn out the creators. It’s a welcome treat to watch again, and again, and again. It’s mostly low on this list, not because of the few weak points, but because I don’t have as much emotional attachment to the series as I do to my top 5 pics.

Favorite memories: Watching the show with my dad and brother on vacation. Both of them are very surly and nit-picky, so presenting them with a show this good meant no cause to complain.

#5. Frasier (1993-2004)

Type: Live Action TV series

Genre: Sitcom

Favorite character: Niles Crane (David Hyde-Pierce)

Favorite season: 4

Favorite episode: “Something Borrowed, Something Blue”

Bad points: Weaker later/early seasons, sometimes annoying

Why it’s here: Frasier has a record for the most Emmy awards won by a single show. And rightly so, in my opinion. This is one of those series with astonishingly top-notch writing all around. It’s a sitcom that banks it’s humor on taking down pretentious snobs and prejudiced jerks; the jokes stay funny because, like all good humor, they stay relevant. This series feels kind of timeless; despite coming out in the instantly dated 90s, the characters’ fashions, mindsets, and relationships feel like they could be written today or twenty-forty years earlier. My heart belongs to the series’ ongoing love story between uptight, snippy Niles and eccentric, lovable Daphne (Jane Leeves). I have yet to see a better executed TV romance, one that pulls out all the stops like this one does. If I were to compare Frasier to anything, it would be to a Jane Austen novel. It has the same social satire, the same sardonic humor, the same understanding of romance and human psychology. That, to me, is what makes a great comedy.

Favorite memories: Discovering Frasier out of Sideshow Bob on The Simpsons - and coming to realize which of the two is truly the better comedy. (Sorry to take another potshot at Simpsons; I do like the early seasons, I just think the show is overrated).

#4. The Marvel Cinematic Universe (2008-)

Series type: Live Action films and TV

Genre: Superhero

Favorite characters: Tie: Steve Rogers (Chris Evans) and Loki (Tom Hiddleston)

Favorite film: Captain America the Winter Soldier (2014)

Favorite phase: Phase 3 (so far)

Bad points: Occasional weak/so-so film, lack of representation

Why it’s here: I first watched only a handful of MCU films; after Avengers, I gave it up and focused on other things. I loved it the first time, but when I came back and screened every picture in the lineup till the present, that is when I fell in love with the franchise. I was missing out on some of the series’ best characters. And that’s what makes the MCU special to so many people: the characterization. The series is at it’s best when it’s giving it’s multi-layered cast focus and development. Marvel comics have always been a favorite of mine, so naturally their best known adaptation is one of my favorites in general. I’ve found something to enjoy in just about every film in the franchise. The biggest surprise hit for me was the Captain America films - a part of the franchise I never dreamed I’d love, but which won me over with the stellar writing in the 2011 film, the indelible Winter Soldier, and the stunning, heartbreaking Civil War. I’m almost afraid of what will come next, as the franchise is heading towards a finale.

Favorite memories: Watching the films over a long, bitter summer, as my only source of joy while working a thankless job and living in a place with bad internet reception.

#3. The Buffy-verse (1997-2004) Series Buffy the Vampire Slayer & Angel

Type of series: Live-Action TV shows

Genre: Supernatural

Favorite characters: Buffy, Cordelia, and Spike

Favorite season: Season 5 of Buffy, Season 2 of Angel

Favorite episodes: “Once More with Feeling” Buffy, “You’re Welcome” Angel

Bad points: Weak later seasons, Season 6, some bad filler

Why it’s here: If I was going on sentimental fandom value alone, the Buffy-verse would be number one. I still squee over this franchise years after I first discovered it; the characters have that special Joss Whedon flair that makes them stand out over the crowd, the series’ core relationships are so fascinating I’m tempted to write fanfic about them, and the philosophies and emotional moments in the series have shaped my life. I would never have known what existentialism was, for instance, if not for Whedon’s show. Angel’s line about “ all that matters is what we do” has helped motivate me ever since I heard it. But looking at the series’ quality (and diversity), I will admit that out of my top 3 favorites, it has the most problems. Both shows have one season I can cheerfully proclaim to be outright terrible, (Season 4 for Angel, Season 6 for Buffy), and very shaky first seasons that take a while to find their feet. There are some plot decisions I just can’t forgive, and some truly weak arc villains. But there is also so much that this franchise does so well, whether it be stellar standalones, bold plot moves, and of course, the character arcs.

Favorite memories: Rewatching the show on vacation in France.

#2. Avatar: The Last Airbender (2005-2008)

Type: Animated TV series

Genre: Fantasy Steampunk

Favorite characters: Zuko, Azula and Sokka

Favorite season: 2

Favorite episode: “The Guru”

Bad points: Forced romantic subplots, The Great Divide, odd conclusion

Why it’s here: You may have heard, if you’ve spent any time on the internet, what a fantastic series ATLA is. I try to avoid such phrases when attempting to sell the show to people, because describing a series that way is usually a bad move. But rest assured, it’s warranted. Avatar The Last Airbender is a stellar show in every possible way. Aside from the few bad points I mentioned above, ATLA does everything right. It has the best world building I’ve ever encountered. The animation, storytelling, emotions, messages (sometimes), plot points, philosophies, individual episodes, comedy, drama, action, epic sweep, surprise reveals…(several hours of listing things later) all of these things are pitch perfect. But as always, what makes this show is the cast. My lord, what a cast. These characters are so embedded in my mind, their arcs, personalities, development and entertainment value all stand out a cut above the rest. ATLA is a stunning masterpiece, one that no adaptation could capture, and that even it’s own creators have yet to follow up on, with either the sequel or the comics. But no matter. The original is there, it always will be, and more people discover it every day.

Favorite memories: Nothing quite compares to seeing ATLA for the first time. I saw it in 2014, one of the worst years of my life. Once again, my miserable experience was improved by a fantastic story.

Before #1: The Runners-up.

Game of Thrones: I used to adore GOT, but it started losing me after season 3; I lost respect for the show in season 5. still, those early seasons are still crucial parts of our culture and should be remembered.

Harry Potter: I grew up with these books and I still enjoy parts of them; overall, however, they strike me as being just a little less than they could have been.

Percy Jackson: I binged through the whole first book in a few hours, and loved these novels as a teen. As an adult, they don’t hold up as well, but I still appreciate the things they do right.

The Legend of Korra: The sequel to ATLA is spotty in many ways, but contains enough moments I absolutely love to make it at least a runner up.

South Park: Another series that got me through a bad time in my life and helped me deal with certain aspects of myself (especially episode 1507.) However, the early and late seasons are pretty bad, and the show doesn’t age very well.

Neon Genesis Evangelion: A bizarre little anime that nonetheless really stands out to me for how crazy it gets and how unique the story is.

Hannibal: A guilty pleasure - definitely a show that gets too far up it’s own butt in later episodes, but nonetehless appealing and interesting in the subjects it’s willing to tackle.

Parks and Recreation: My other favorite TV sitcom besides Fraser - it’s a strong runner up for the list but not quite sentimental enough.

Steven Universe: 3 great seasons, followed by a lot of recent mediocrity. Great when it’s great, bad when it’s not.

Code Geass: an immensely ambitious series, that doesn’t quite realize it’s goals but god damn if it isn’t a beautiful try.

Daria: Another show that really spoke to me in high school

Firefly: This was the biggest runner-up for the list. Firefly is 14 amazing episodes of television cut short too soon, giving us amazing characters and great world building in a short amount of time. The series has some bits that haven’t aged well, and those were enough to keep it off my top 10.

And now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for…

#1. Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood (manga: 2001-2010, anime 2009-2010)

Series type: Anime/Manga

Genre: Sci Fi (I think)

Favorite character: Edward Elric

Favorite episodes: “Flame of Vengeance”; “Backs in the Distance”

Bad points: None

Why it’s here: I’m gonna be brutally honest: FMAB is here because I can’t find anything wrong with it. It is, without question, the single most perfect piece of fiction I’ve ever come across. It almost frightened me when I first finished the series. Surely there must be some major, glaring flaw, some bad installment or weak character, that I could point to and say Look! Here’s the flaw! This was made by human hands after all! But nope. Many, many rereads through, and I still haven’t found one. FMAB stands supreme. This series has everything. The most fleshed out and real-feeling cast of characters I’ve ever come across (even minor background characters have spectacular arcs and feel like real people). The best pacing and plotting of an overall story arc. The best world building, aside from ATLA. The best exploration of social issues, the best feminism, the best use of mature storytelling. Everything comes back around. The themes, the mystery, the overall tone and story structure. I feel like an engineer gushing over the most perfectly calibrated car ever made each time I watch it. But Fullmetal is even more than just expertly made. It’s appealing. It’s popular. It’s the kind of story you can write essays on or write fanfic for. FMAB can be enjoyed in every capacity. I recommend taking the time to read the Manga first (that’s what I did), then watch Brotherhood. There really is nothing quite like FMAB. (oh, BTW, it has the best series finale of anything e ver. Period.)

Best memories: Watching Fullmetal while coping with death for the first time in my life. There is no better series when it comes to dealing with this subject.

[sniperr]

i normally don’t do these but you’re really cool jesse so i’ll make an exception for ya :9 tagged by @cybeasts 

rules: answer 20 questions, then tag other bloggers that you want to get to know better.

1. name: lawrence & sydney

2. nicknames: sniper & hoots

3. height: 5′1″ :’-)

4. orientation: bi i think? i lean towards more masc genders definitely

5. nationality: american and depressed

6. favorite fruit: ohng...... mango

7. favorite season: spring and early summer! i’d might like winter more if we had snow where i live

8. favorite plant: i love flowers and cacti and succulents.. anything bright and green too

9. favorite scent: i’m sensitive and allergic to artificial fragrances but natural ones that aren’t too strong are all so good. also you know when you step outside in cooler weather and someone’s got their fireplace going and burning that REALLY good smelling wood? that one is really good

10. favorite color: greens, browns, and reds! oranges and yellows are secondary

11. favorite animal: you can’t make me choose (i love bugs, leopard geckos and cats the most tho)

12. coffee, tea, or hot chocolate?: tea usually

13. average sleep hours: it depends but Definitely more than 8 i’ll tell you hwhat

14. dog or cat person: oh cats.... i’ve grown up on cats and i love them so much. dogs are extremely good tho

15. favorite fictional character: i have a few, which are trahearne and tybalt from gw2, spy from tf2, and others i can’t think of off the top of my head so i guess that makes these fucks my faves

16. number of blankets you sleep with: two in the winter, when it gets warmer i use a bed sheet as a blanket since its HOT

17. dream trip: to go visit my boyfriend.... some day it’ll happen and when it does i will be happier and gayer than ever

18. blog created: i’ve had many blogs since i was like 13 so i’ve been on this site for 7 painful years. this blog is from april 2014

19. number of followers: over 1k, but with all blogs combined maybe around 2.5k? do not let that fool you i am not cool

20. random fact(s): when crying i cry more out of one eye than the other. not sure why but i could have tears streaming from one eye and only a few drops from the other

and that’s a wrap! i tag anyone who would want to do this, since i’m socially awkward and can’t @ anybody myself. if you do this @ me so i can see it!

[the-mf-bread-babies]

28/7/2020

— TRUE VOLUME ONE —

VOL 4, ACTUALLY, BUT WHATEVER.

R. W. NORTH

i dedicate this volume to no one except for me bc i was the only one who wrote this. self love ok

_________________________________

CHAPTER ONE

“Halle Berry Did Two Movies Like This”

Damon was kidnapped. This is bad. Oh, there should probably be some explanation behind this. Sorry.

_________________________________

CHAPTER 0.5

“Short × Backstory × Summaries”

After four years of the most iconic event the universe had ever experienced, The Sixth Augmentation, also known among the locals as The Fusion, Doomsday, and several other names, one particular group of people had formed a good family amongst themselves. This family had three human members and several other non-human members, including, but not limited to, cats, banshees, ghosts in general, reptiles, and beings our planet couldn't invent through biology and even through thought.

This family's main members were Dennis and Aaron, and Damon and Sawblade. Their whole lives were completely changed after having to stick together in a ghost town and raise chickens and cows and plant crops for food. That sounded like a description for a rom-com or something. This is not a rom-com. Well… yet.

The family had settled down in the 74th district of the third Earth that joined the Amalgamation. The district had possessed a variety of… everything, really. The Eiffel Tower was a few blocks away, there was an upsidedown barn there, half of a condominium building, a quarter of a Tesco, and god knows what else. This diverse array of resources had been responsible for new buildings in the area that combined specialties from around the world, and while they were mostly fusion restaurants, there still existed things like Tesco cosplaying events and such. Apocalypses bring odd things to the world, and some are worth trying… for example, otherworldly foods.

This subject was a difficult topic to tackle among the residents there. Mainly, the dangers and morality of doing such a thing– you'd have to consider the effects it would bring to your health, if you're harming their ecosystem, if you're harming the people who lived with the beings before it was introduced to you– it really had to be quite challenging to negotiate a good compromise.

Well, except for Aaron. Meet Aaron… again, this time, since he's changed a lot after what happened. Aaron Russell is a simple man; most of the things he does in life are things a normal person does– eat, sleep, have companions– everyone does that, but not the way he does.

Even before he entered the amalgamation, he was always trying new things, mainly foods, but also things like video games and hobbies. Yes, the sight of the contents of his fridge could bring a stroke to someone from a hundred years ago, because goddamn, is he dangerously experimental.

The reason Aaron doesn't enter discourse on things as insignificant as what one eats is because while he does acknowledge the fact that the opinions of the natives on who should consume their resources should be very much respected, he also knows that it's human nature to hunt, to explore, and to be curious, as long as it isn't endangering oneself. He would eat risky foods, but anything that sets off his fight-or-flight instincts if he saw it live is definitely a no-no. Even though he's an adventurer at heart, he follows the rules and does what's right. But goddamn it, if he gets disappointed at a failed experiment, he's never touching anything resembling that. So, in his opinion, the safest route to an entertaining journey is…

Video games.

His library of games range from first-person shooters to slime rancher, from dating simulators to… well, a majority of video games nowadays have dating in them. But yeah, Assassin's Creed, Metal Gear, Borderlands, Spider-Man, Life is Strange, Smash Bros, and Luigi's Mansion are just some of the many franchises he's into. And then the companions, God, I mean, the man lives in a haunted house with his co-worker, some random kid and, like, thirty cats. He's friends with mythical beings, now. If anything, the amalgamation changed his life for the way better.

Dennis, on the other hand… is sort of the opposite. While escaping from certain clearly bad conditions is something he absolutely loves, he doesn't really know where to go after that, since he didn't really think it was possible. His family was bad, he joined Aaron's. Then? What was he supposed to do, cut them off after decades of living with them? Thankfully, the augmentation came along. Dennis is a man who daydreams about living a life he couldn't possibly achieve, but when he does, he didn't plan ahead. To get to this amount of joy in his life was unfathomable for him; back before he moved out of his hometown, he was essentially living a lie.

His life was planned out for him– move out at 20, get a stable job at 22, marry his old high school girlfriend his parents keep bothering him about at 25, and forever dread his life starting at age 27. Then, kids at 30. Even though this life seemed to be nice, and even to him had its benefits, he still hated it. Sure, he would be open for a very short-term relationship with Chloe from French 2, but jeez, is she super republican.

Dennis's views on life differed significantly from his family's, and even though he disliked seeing anything that reminded him of them, he still moved around in the Midwest, and stopped when…

he saw a certain someone at Krispy Kreme.

Now, everything is history. He and Aaron renovated the old family workshop into a pet store, and thankfully, business was way better. Not only did Gabriel start up a traveling psychic service and Lan, a plant store, but even Dennis sold a lot of art. All thanks to the Krispy Kreme store at the end of the street that was…

… crushed by a condominium building. See, this is where it all gets messed up. The Russell family surely had enough members for now, Gabriel and Lan didn't want any grandchildren in the near future, and so did Aaron and Dennis, but, well, something, or rather someone, came along.

Here's Damon Eddmil Ameakfen, or “Nomad Middle Fakename,” after unscrambling the anagram. He, like Dennis, also couldn't really care less if he, or his family, suddenly disappeared out of nowhere. Outside of having a number of inconveniences, the thought of it doesn't bring any emotional distress to him.

Instead, Damon finds joy in finding out practically everyone he's ever known could've died as soon as he arrived on Eris-6, knowing those unlucky dumbasses don't deserve… well, not exactly ‘they don't deserve to live,’ but really, it's what they all believed, except directed towards Damon and others like him.

If Damon stayed on Earth-3 forever, and in that same, depressing place, he'd be dead by now, really. He's not exaggerating or whatever, he'd probably either kill himself or get killed. Whatcha gonna do.

But, obviously, he's still living, and it's all thanks to Aaron and Dennis for their acknowledgement and appliance of common sense when it comes to living. That sounds like he came from a family of very dangerous carpenters, but really, if anyone important in his old life had even a speck of common sense in analysing people and knowing what's right and wrong about someone, he probably wouldn't have been so suicidal.

So thanks, Aaron and Dennis.

CHAPTER 0.75

“What's Going On Now, Though?”

Moving on to the present, the Russell family now are the only living inhabitants of [town name.] The others were tragically moved into NULL by their forceful officers. Now, they live in stealth, their identities changed. After years of searching, NULL had classified them as deceased and had closed down inspections within the town. However, they still had to be very cautious about their actions– they never went outside the city, and they always preferred to travel in tunnels and alleys, always moving around in the shadows.

For months, they believed NULL was no longer their biggest concern in living there, but unfortunately they were proven wrong.

Apparently, surprise inspections are a thing.

This story's true beginning takes place in March of 2025. Even though it was supposed to be spring, winter still ruled the other seasons because of the location of the district. After years of only experiencing the same season, the family got used to it– except for Damon…

Damon hailed from Malaysia, which, by the way, doesn't have the luxury of experiencing four seasons. Although he did visit Cameron Highlands once as a kid, living somewhere where the temperature was constantly below zero had proved to be a very difficult struggle to him. The unforgiving climate constantly cursed him with fevers and frostbite. Despite that, he absolutely loves the gloomy, cold weather, and wishes he could spend his entire life there, cozily wrapped up in three blankets.

This problem had a butterfly effect on him being kidnapped, though. Snow was one of Damon's favourite things about the climate, and that meant he went outside a lot. He usually made it home safely, except for one unlucky day.

CHAPTER 0.875

“The Abduction”

It was a normal day for the Russell family. They followed their daily routines, but unfortunately, NULL intervened.

“Hoodie, other hoodie, three scarves, watch, bracelets, mittens, metal bat, pepper spray, water, keys, backpack, hockey mask…” Damon muttered to himself, “I think that's all.” He walked over to the dining hall, meeting Dennis and Aaron. “Hey, I'm heading out,” “want anything?” He asked, his face almost covered to protect him from the cold. “Uh, not really. We're outta cereal, though,” Dennis replied, petting Sawblade, who was laying on the dining table. “Moisturizer, if there's any.” Aaron requested, eyes unmoving from his year-old newspaper, annoying Damon slightly. “What brand… what kind… which outlet… how much… just moisturiser, or a whole set?” Aaron pondered for a while, “Two,” “from Wal-Mart.” he teasingly replied. Damon rolled his eyes and stomped out the door. “Heh…” Aaron smirked.

Damon walked outside and immediately jumped facedown into the snow, making a snow angel. “hheheheheheeeheheh” “snoww” he giggled, rolling around. “Okay, enough of that. You're 19, dude,” the man muttered to himself disappointedly, dusting off the snow from his clothes and readjusting them. “Moisturiser… cereal… um…” he thought. “Yeah, that's all.”

Damon continued walking before realising something he forgot. “Camo! Shit!” He yelled, completely disguising as a snowman, carrot and all. He bounced along the street, as it was the least sketchiest way to go to the shops there. As soon as he reached the grocery store, he dropped his empty backpack onto the ground and faced the other way, ignoring the store.

Damon noticed the usual sound of rustling leaves, followed by the backpack being swiftly dragged across the pavement. Chittering, and after that, the bag was thrown back at him. It was packed with the groceries he wanted, and a bottle of shampoo. “Hey, my hair's not that bad.” Damon commented sadly, facing the store again. A small, teasing chitter shot back, making him narrow his eyes. “Sure, yeah, whatever, man,”

Damon hopped back home, questioning what the being, or beings, running the grocery store were, but eventually accepting that he'll never know that. Suddenly, loud squeaks grabbed his attention. It sounded like it came from the store, but why? Did he get the wrong order? Did he steal something on accident? What's going on? Damon anxiously thought of all the horrifying possibilities until he saw what he never thought would terrorise that city again.

NULL agents.

Despite his efforts to escape and hide as fast as possible, an agent caught him and chased him. Damon, seeing this, scuttled underneath a passageway they never used. It lead to a tunnel that they tried to develop for the past year, but ultimately failed to do so. Luckily, it was the perfect opportunity to block himself in with the remaining dirt pile next to it, thanks to Dennis's unwillingness to throw it out.

Except it wasn't.

Frogs hopped everywhere in panic, scaring Damon enough for him to stumble over. Ah, he remembered this. Aaron turned the dirt pile into a froggy apartment. Whoops.

Swatting the amphibians away, Damon was trying his best to cover the hole leading to the tunnel, but…

A NULL agent grabbed his arm and used a stun gun on it, leaving him helpless and screaming in pain. Suddenly, an idea sprang to mind.

Damon sprayed the living hell out of the agent with pepper spray, but sadly, their helmets had proved that idea to be useless.

Then, he was left with no choice but to whack his arm to death with a metal bat. So long, watch he had from 2014. You could've taken the UPSR exam next year…

Well, except he couldn't chop it off, there were frogs on the bat, and he just put on hand cream this morning. That means they could die at his touch, and that would be more tragic than his death. Damon was now running out of ideas, begging for some ghost to hear him and come kill the bastard, but no one came.

Oh, nevermind.

D: “I'LL F**KING KILL YOUR ASS, MOTHERF**KER!!”

A: “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”

Dennis and Aaron came rushing in, with Aaron unsheathing a katana and Dennis loading a rock salt rifle. How they got those weapons, Damon really doesn't know, but thank God they're here.

“DAMON, ARE YOU OKAY?!” Dennis yelled loudly, his voice cracking and tears streaming down his face. “DO I LOOK–” “ARM!!!” Damon shouted back, “OTHER THAN THAT, VERY, BUT I HAVE FROGS!!!” Aaron signalled to Dennis to split up, with both of them on either side of Damon. “TRY NOT TO DIE!!” Aaron wisely advised, grabbing Damon's arm and getting into a fighting stance. “HOLY SHI–”

[squelching sounds]

[gunshot]

[heavy breathing]

[gunshot]

[gunshot]

[loud yelling]

[gunshot]

[splattering sounds]

[gunshot yet again]

“Okay, don't freak out, I sterilise this baby every day,” Aaron softly assured amidst Damon's screams of pain. Dennis aimed the rifle through the dirt, shooting it again. “HOW MANY FUCKING BULLETS DO YOU HAVE??!!” Damon shouted angrily, continuing his screaming shortly afterwards. “Okay, we're just gonna carry you,” Aaron said reassuringly, although Damon felt like he was in walking distance from the grim reaper.

“Herhehsjjdnfbdjs” Damon cried. “YudhrhuYduYdudh” Aaron looked at him sadly. “Okay, there ya go.” Damon thought he was engulfed in the flames of hell by then, but thankfully, it was just the operating table from the old pet shop.

“Hey, this is okay. You can be like Junkrat now.” Aaron said softly, somehow successfully calming Damon down. “Yeah… Junkrat…” “Or like… Iron Man… or something…” Damon responded slowly. Dennis watched them worryingly before realizing something. “Shit!” he muttered before running back to retrieve the arm. Sadly, it was gone and probably under NULL's hands now, so there was no getting it back.

Aaron looked at Dennis while he was treating the wound, hoping for him to retrieve the limb. Alas, the man shook his head, sweating in fear. “Oh, that's okay, I can, like, staple a stick here or something…” Damon assured. “If anything, having a gnarly scar and a fake arm is way cooler than just the scar, guys.” he said calmly as his arm stopped bleeding.

“Is that bad?” Damon asked confusedly at Aaron. “What? No! That's a really good sign!” he said happily. “That makes it sound even worse…” Damon confessed sadly, sending Aaron into mega-reassuring mode. “NO!!! NO!!! IT'S GOOD, DAMON!!! YOU'RE ALIVE NOW!!! ALIVE!!! PLEASE DON'T DIE!!!” Damon just stared at him in further confusion.

“If it helps, you'll see Brendon Urie in hell later.” Dennis said softly. “I'd rather die infinite deaths.” Damon shot back, disgusted in the offer. “What's wrong with Brendon…” the redhead asked. “He's racist, Dennis,” Aaron replied, examining Damon for any other wounds. “Jesus, that's a lot of bacne.” “Brendon Urie's racist? I thought he was g*y.” “G///ay people can be racist.” Damon replied. “I thought you liked the guy?” Dennis asked in confusion, looking at Damon. “Dennis, that's Gerard Way,” “What the hell!”

“Sorry,” Aaron apologized. “just some bandages so it doesn't get infected or anything.” He explained, gently wrapping Damon's… well, what used to be his arm, in bandages. “I'm Rick Sanchez… no wait… Deckard…” Damon mumbled happily, forgetting Rick Grimes' surname. “Yeah,” (Rick Grimes has his arm cut off in the comics, they didn't do this in the show due to budgeting concerns)

A short while later, the three joined Dennis in boarding up the windows and doors to keep NULL out. However, due to Damon's injury, he instead helped carry around tools and other equipment with his healthy right arm.

The house was now the most secure it had ever been, with no direct contact to the outside world. Gabriel had organized shifts for the house ghosts to surround the house and guard it. Dennis and Lan moved the farms into spare rooms, and Aaron distributed weaponry to the whole family. Note to self: Gabriel and Lan are still alive and you should put them in at the beginning.

[singloveandsage]

When I was in grade ten I made a speech in front of my entire English class about how I passionately believed Cosima De Vito deserved to proceed further in the Australian Idol competition over the likes of Shannon Noll and Paulini. No one else cared in the same hyper way I did at the time and I have no idea why I was allowed to spontaneously take to the front of the class and start babbling away in an absolute fever state, spreading my intense perspective on such a meaningless topic, none the less, it actually happened. This week, the same heightened state of needing to voice my raging river of thoughts has reared its head in regards to something in a similar vein - a television program I watched. Except this time it’s more so an inner conflict I’m having with myself and my understanding of grander themes in story telling and art in general and at it’s core, my care for two characters whom I believe could have made it, if the writer had wanted them to. So to start things off with, here are my overall conclusions on the matter. One, we can’t control everything, least of all someone else’s story they wrote (write your own), two, not everything is about you Tess and finally, it’s just a tv show. So now we’ve got that out of the way, read on as I take to the front of the class again for no good reason but to voice my own concern, because if I don’t, I’ll implode.

Yesterday on the Scorpio full moon I binge watched the television series ‘Normal People’ and this morning I am attempting to sweep up the remaining pieces of myself from the floor. I am well and truly effected by this story.

Scorpio energy is all sex, death, sensuality and mystery and I was confronted with all of it yesterday. I have come out of the series metaphorically post coital, shattered, confused and reeling.

It’s a romance, a tale of two students who have a secret affair during their last year of high school. Eventually they go their seperate ways but their paths continue in the same direction as they attend the same university and the story evolves as does their relationship with its many ups and downs, ins and outs and on and off agains.

The characters are written impeccably, the chemistry is outrageous, the rhythm and intention in their dialogue is spell casting and the dynamic of these two unlikely individuals evolving in various settings together and witnessing the moments they create by being in relationship is utterly beautiful and dismantling. Hear me when I say, I loved the series and am beyond impressed by the layered genius of this love story.

However.

I am equally crushed and brought to my knees as I sit with the notion of portrayed romance and what it is exactly and why romance is exactly. I am struggling with desiring its spell and intoxication but no longer willing to pay for insatiability and destruction.

Normal People is archetypically in the same realm as Romeo and Juliet and every time this narrative of young romance is told I experience this human hunger being affirmed, signalling to me what is engrained in our psyche as the thing we should all be seeking. It almost evokes hysteria for heat that can never nourish but we crave at any cost, what ever age we find ourselves. Too far to say it’s like emotional or psychic porn?

I feel we are endlessly sold this narrative in all story telling art forms and I’m seeing it now clearer than ever as being cut from the same cloth as the god sized hole within.

We are conditioned by fairytales, we are familiar with this, the fables where girls learn their path is to be pretty, youthful, pleasing, Daddy’s little girl, needing to be saved, fulfilment is in a wedding and the buzz of loves first kiss etc. And boys learn their path is to remain a more often then not, spoiled, entitled prince, independent, made to conquer, and defeat and claim a maiden, contain her through marriage etc. Then the vision we are left with is the symbol of romance being two youths experiencing intimacy for the first time and committed to this ideal within the symbol of a wedding.

But of course we never see what happens after the beginning, what follows the season of spring in our love life. It’s not reflected in art or told in stories with anywhere near the thirst of spring. There is no rite of passage signalling us towards romance that doesn’t destroy us in the end. There are no famous characters or archetypes for the summer, autumn or winter in relationships and the alchemy of love that takes place over time or show cases the importance that it in fact can and does evolve.

Even in Normal People, which is no fairy tail but in the first few episodes it sets us up with the euphoria of their new romance as well as our high hopes that they will go the distance because they clearly have a divine connection that most of us are seeking and time and time again both leading characters say, “it’s not like this with other people”, meaning this is special, it’s worth saving, it’s once in a life time, it’s not a regular thing to find this type of love.

But, as time goes on, we see other seasons and sides of their connection and as stories go, to keep our interest and engagement, they cannot make it work. I found the abandonment of their connection overwhelm me with grief, because, why can’t it work? And why can’t we show it working? I understand we need conflict, drama, tension, entertainment, a force pushing the narrative forward, but, what is this perpetual wheel of love stories doing for the psyche of each generation? Is it even possible for us to have characters and examples that have the heat and depth but can last through the chaos of life?

Side note, a few things: I personally believe it’s a persons rite of passage to walk into the fire of romance time and time again as we forge ourselves into our full potential and highest truth but I don’t believe in staying in toxic relationships or remaining in maiden/prince repressing our maturing. Yes, I say explore, experiment and expand, this is life, we get it once as these characters, love as much and as often as possible, but, seek out your wisdom and medicine in love over continuously drinking poison. Also, there is no one way or right way to love. Love is not a ladder we climb, nor is life and basically do what ever the hell you like. But -

I just feel called to express the alarm system currently going off through out my entire being that is alerting me to the programming and conditioning that occurs every time we digest love stories that either showcase a cookie cutter fairy tale fantasy pedestaling one season of our love life OR a soul connection that inevitably ends up on the floor in shards or sees two people shrinking away in defeat, it’s depressing!

Then we could also get into the fact we sweep the love stories and relationship wisdom of people at middle age and in their elder years under the rug, we make it near impossible for their stories to be shared in wide spread art forms so we lose potent medicine that could be honoured and shared and reveal an enlightening and entirely different perspective on love that might help guide us to a healthier but equally engaging romantic life.

But I won’t, for now I will just say I am coming to terms with my own relationship to romance as an energy and the way I see it being portrayed and that it bothers me and all I see is the shadow aspect of romantic love being reflected back to me. That, or cheesy, patriarchal cliches. 

I’m mindful of what fire I am fuelling when I allow myself to be engaged in the spring element of romance portrayed in entertainment and whether it’s benefiting me or quite possibly imprisoning me to a narrative that I then crave like a drug or become a slave to because it’s the only story I’ve come to trust because I continuously, willingly witness it.

Is it even possible to write and show case alternative love stories that are passionate as well as thrilling and enticing but they nourish and evolve both parties? Or is romance inextricably unfulfilling and we either have to cut it short or watch it dissolve?  

I feel there is a seed deep within me, it’s been there all this time and has been whispering to me my entire life for a new narrative to be shared and celebrated across all art forms and yesterday it seemed to call out louder than ever before.

“I am not here to be a two dimensional illustration of something that shouldn’t be defined and I am not here to be a shadow casted over your life or something that you need to chase and cage. I am infinite potential that you can dance with, co-create with, accept my invitation or colour your existence with. I am here for you, I can heal you if you allow me and I am not just something that happens to you or not. I’m everywhere.”

I guess I’m just upset that it appears we are forced to either perish by the hands of romance and passion or we are stunted by it or we lose sight of our truth from staring at it too long like the sun. Romance and passionate connection is raw, radiant, blue flamed and electric. Indeed it is power and perhaps it’s the power of it that has always sent human beings into a frenzy, so we try and tame it like we do a wild horse or watch on at the demise of beloved characters.

I just need to believe there’s more characters and archetypes for our love stories that don’t need us to burn alive or simply go stale or end before the journey even beings and instead we see that we are the instrument for romance to flow through freely and there can be fulfilling tales of heat and sexuality that find harmony and completion. Because in real life we are made for it to happen and it can and does happen for us but it’s rarely reflected back to us on the screen or the page. 

So in closing, I believe the lovers in Normal People could have made it work, no, I say they should have made it work and yet the writer denied us of this, why? 

Because one, we can’t control everything least of all someone else’s story they wrote (write your own), two, not everything is about you Tess and finally, it’s just a tv show.

[riding-alpacas]

Why Canada was a fail for me

This doesn't have much to do with my trip through South America but I needed a place where I can put it and it is at least a little bit related. One thing people asked me a lot is why I didn't want to stay in Canada and decided to go back to Australia. As always there isn't one specific reason I could pinpoint it to, it rather is a combination of things.

Generally speaking, pretty much everything felt like a step back and not many things felt like an improvement. And don't get me wrong, Canada is a beautiful place and nothing was terrible. But to me Australia is simply that little bit ahead.

I should also mention that my experiences are heavily skewed by how life is in British Columbia and specifically in Vancouver. Similar to Australia you have huge differences between states and cities. Laws, regulations and even culture  between them vary a fair bit. And whilst some things might potentially be better in other regions, they are not an option for me simply due to the climate. Vancouver is the only place in Canada with mild winters which is one of my most important criteria when it comes to choosing where I want to live.

So here are all these little reasons why I didn't like Canada, roughly ordered by priority. And the first one is actually related to climate.

1) Summers are too short and winters are too wet I'm a summer person and if I could choose, I would be happy to live in a place where it's 30 degrees and sunny all year around. The variety of seasons is something I don’t need and I definitely also don't need rain. In Vancouver you have between 4 or 5 months a year with beautiful sunny days and 7 or 8 months with absolutely miserable shit weather. The summer bit is great, in fact it hardly rains during that time at all. But the winter - oh my god. I expected that it would rain a lot but there is still a huge difference between reading that stuff from a climate chart and actually experiencing it. There were weeks when it just wouldn't stop raining. During my last days in Vancouver I definitely felt getting depressed from the constant grey skies. And whilst winters in Melbourne can also be rainy and cold, it's at least easy to escape from it by travelling just a little bit up North (which I usually try to do). But in Canada there is just no escape. It would just get worse.

2) Not enough time to play Due to the summer/winter ratio described above, there is actually just a very small window that can be used to enjoy the magnificent outdoors surrounding Vancouver. There are heaps of great hiking trails, lots of beautiful lakes and hundreds of mountain peaks to climb - but it always takes a while for all the snow to melt and then you have only about three months to explore. And obviously you are not the only one who wants to do that. In Australia however, you practically have the whole year to explore something if you just time it right (and if there is no pandemic disrupting everything). But even in Melbourne you can usually still do lots of hikes close to the city in the colder months because a sunny winter day there feels like a normal spring day in Germany or Canada.

3) The ocean sucks I was hoping that Vancouver would be a good compromise where you can have wonderful mountains and the beautiful ocean right at your doorstep. And whilst you technically have both, the ocean unfortunately just sucks. It sucks so much, the mountains can't make up for it. The water temperature doesn't get any higher than 20 degrees in summer and as low as 5 degrees in winter. And for the vast majority of time it's in the colder range. But it doesn't stop there: Water visibility is super low all year around which means that you don't see any wildlife when you go for a swim. Also you have plenty of logs floating in the water which you often only notice seconds before colliding with it. To top it all off the beaches leave a lot to be desired. The sand feels more like dirt, it's very brownish in colour and gets extremely crowded in summer. Melbourne surely doesn't have the most beautiful beaches in Australia but they are at least a million times better than what I've found in Vancouver.

4) Design as a job discipline is 10 years behind For people who don't work in tech, it's probably sufficient to know that I felt like I was back in 2010 (or back in Germany) when I started looking for a job. In the vast majority of design roles, organisations were looking for the infamous UI/UX designer. And those jobs were usually very UI heavy. It was an exception to find pure UX roles and specialised roles like UX researchers were nowhere to be found. Design as a discipline was generally years behind and didn't play an important role in product strategy. At work I had to fight battles that I thought I'd never have to fight again and was able to impress people with things that are just standard in Australia by now. I learned a lot of other job related things during my time in Canada, but I definitely didn't learn a single new thing about design.

5) The people Disclaimer: You find all sorts of people everywhere. Nice people. Stupid people. Assholes. But there are still trends and behavioural tendencies. The people in Canada were broadly speaking not as friendly, not as relaxed, not as open and definitely not as quirky as people in Australia. They were actually very... German! No Hello, how are you in the elevator, no smile when you approached a stranger to ask for something, not even a Have a nice day when you paid at the supermarket. It's a bit hard to explain, but I missed the warmth and openness of the Australian people.

6) Digitisation my ass Closely related to the point about design, digitisation in Canada is simply not as advanced as in Australia. Most apps were cumbersome to use, booking tickets for the movies required a ridiculous amount of effort and forget about quickly doing your tax return online. It actually felt like in Germany which is also years behind when it comes to being smart with digital technology to make our lives easier.

7) It's expensive Melbourne and Vancouver are probably on the same level when it comes to cost of living. Rents are similar, cost of grocery is similar, movie tickets are similar, everything is very similar. But there was this little 30% wage cut I had to take when I started looking for jobs in Vancouver. How exactly do people save money in this city?

8) Bureaucracy A lot of times it felt like I was back in Germany when I tried to do things in Canada. They had a little form for everything. I lost track how many forms I had to fill in when I moved into our apartment and how many more when I left. And don't get me started about opening a bank account (see point 9). Of course all of that stuff also had to be signed and then sent back via post (see point 6).

9) Banking is a joke - and not a good one One thing I only started noticing during my first few months in Canada is how advanced the whole financial services system in Australia is. Cards that can be used for debit and credit purchases have been the norm for years, bank transfers are processed in seconds, the ability to do these transfers with just a phone number or an email address is baked into the system and the apps - how useful and convenient are the banking apps! I noticed this stuff because in Canada they try to make each of your experience that is related to money as awful as possible. I had to juggle with multiple cards, for each direct debit instruction I had to walk into a branch, my credit card was limited to a ridiculous small amount, I had to deal with fucking cheques for the first time in my life (multiple times!) and believe it or not: A simple bank transfer is actually not possible! You can't just log in to your online banking and instruct your bank to transfer money to another account from another bank. I think there were at least a million moments when I just couldn't believe how hard it was to deal with money in Canada. I could go on about this point for much longer but I guess everybody is getting the point. Hell, even the banking system in Germany is actually advanced compared to that shit in Canada.

10) The health system is weird As a diabetic it is quite important for me to make sure I get the care I need. And fortunately I ended up getting it, but the system is a bit... strange. The best healthcare system can probably be found in Germany. As far as I know, everybody has insurance, everybody gets a card from their insurer and when they get sick they go to a doctor, show their card and everything is being sorted and paid for in the background. Same is true for your medication. Reality can be a bit more complicated than this, but in its core this is how it works. Things are a little different in Australia but the main difference is that you can't just go everywhere with your Medicare card. You need to look for specific doctors and also when you need medication you might have to pay for some of it out of your own pocket - but it's usually only a small amount. Canada is just plain weird though: Whilst most of your doctor visits are paid for when you are enrolled in public healthcare, your medication isn't. 0%. You need to get private insurance for that. But very often your employer gives you some sort of insurance that covers it. Generally speaking it was just weird and the complicated way it was set up didn't really make much sense to me.

11) Sick leave and personal leave I'll just leave these (simplified) numbers here:

Personal leave in Canada: 10 days Sick leave in Canada: 5 days

Personal leave in Australia: 20 days Sick leave in Australia: 10 days

Personal leave in Germany: 28 days Sick leave in Germany: Unlimited

In my first job interview, they were actually bragging about the high number of leave days they have in Canada. I guess they made the mistake of comparing themselves to the US and A.

12) The number of druggies was insane I used to live close to the main station in Düsseldorf and I used to live in St Kilda. They’re probably not the big drug hubs of the world but surely have a fair amount of dubious characters wandering around. And it was nothing compared to what I saw every day in Vancouver. The first day I left my job through the side entrance, I was welcomed by a couple of used needles on the ground. It happened numerous times that I cycled to the parking lot of my apartment and saw people injecting drugs publicly without a care in the world. People who were clearly high on drugs yelled at other people in the streets and it seemed to be just normal to live with it and ignore them. You also had a high amount of homeless people in the streets and it was just heartbreaking to see these severe social problems and that the government clearly seems to be overwhelmed dealing with the situation and finding a good way to solve it.

13) Little, little things This is just a random list of other little inconveniences I encountered in the land of maple syrup:

You have to hand in all your physical driver licenses to get a Canadian one... and the one I got was only temporarily and had to be renewed every 3 months... by walking into a fucking branch every time (see point 6)

Mobile plans in Canada are ridiculously expensive and don't include much data

The bacon in Canada is super greasy and thin and has a weird consistency

The coffee is bad

The iced coffee is even worse

So these are all the main reasons why I decided to come back. There were also lots of things that were better (cycling infrastructure, the mountains, less racism, building insulation, broadband internet, Poutine) but for this article I just wanted to focus on the things that pushed me into the direction of leaving.

[shslshortie]

Okay I'm going to make a post because I can't deal with everything that got asked/shat out my way

I am sorry for this rant, but I am legit ready to leave tumblr again. Like I forgot why I hated it so much, but lord is this an unhealthy environment for so many reasons. Mainly, because of discourse/call out culture. And I'm obviously not talking about being "PC" or anything, but just being an all around mean spirited person if anyone says anything that either 1) doesn't agree with you/your views/your fandom, 2) if anything is even slightly false or not entirely fact-checked, or 3) goes against most popular opinions without writing an entire graduate-level thesis about why you believe your opinion/view/observation is valid. Like if you want to complain or voice an opinion about anything, or even joke about something that you think is funny, you could very likely almost immediately be called out or even be sent WAVES of hate that usually is completely undeserved. Especially since people are hiding behind a screen of anonymity or at least behind an online persona, they don't think about the person on the receiving end of it. They don't think how their mean spirited comments or backlash could effect them mentally, and they don't even stop to think what else could be going on in their lives. Yesterday, (was it yesterday? I think it was yesterday, but GOD was it a long fucking day if it was) I made some posts after recapping through the Rost. Cup after I watched each medalist's short and long, as well as all the US skaters, big names, and for the men and ladies, almost all 11 skaters honestly. I love figure skating, and NO, unlike a lot of people wrongfully assumed, am not a part of the "fandom" and did not get into it because of YOI. Was a passion reignited from like a barbeque level flame to a bonfire with YOI's help? Yes. But would it probably have gone to a similar level with the Olympic season going into full swing? Highly likely. But anyways, I made some posts because I wanted to voice some observations, complaints, and things I thought were funny because tumblr is the only place I ever really rant/voice theories/talk about a lot of my interests, since I don't have any irl friends who are interested in almost half of the things I am. So, tumblr is usually the place that I dump these feelings/thoughts. Sure, one of them was a little off-color, and posted without thinking, but after about an hour (and like 3-4 replies I think), I looked back on it, and realized it didn't need to be posted out there, even if I didn't mean it to be mean. Does this mean I owed every single person who "called me out" for being uninformed, or for being mean, or for being whatever the hell I am a reply? No. Did I know that some things were answered over Twitter, or weibo (sp?) or Reddit, or whatever other gd social media that I don't use? No. Does that man I am uniformed and spreading lies or whatever? I don't think so, and that doesn't make me a fucking villain. I also deleted it, because I realized I was wrong. End of story, part 1. But then, the figure skating fandom found some of my posts/commentary/rants. (god forbid they somehow find this and attack me ALL OVER AGAIN, except for y'all that were part of this whole issue. I hope y'all see this, because it's not like I blocked you. Except for one tumblr user who blocked me because of my post? Like you do you, except don't reblog my post and block me so I can't see what you said, presumably about how I am a terrible person). And apparently 1) if you insult/don't like/say Y***** H**** didn't do his best/were disappointed in him, or if you like the person who won over him more... Then you deserve to die. And 2) if you even make a post about YOI or other anime, you are a fake fan who knows nothing. And 3) even mirroring almost the exact words of sports (specifically figure skating) commentators in your posts means nothing? Like it OBVIOUSLY means that you are making up bullshit to hate on skaters that are popular and are misinformed, right??? Or if you say one thing that was similar to an APPARENTLY problematic broadcast group, that nothing (including any commentary from official other broadcasts, because GUESS WHAT: it's hard to find recordings of all of the programs and exhibitions with English commentary, and there are usually 3-4 networks that have it, and SO MANY people upload different ones to YouTube) else you say matters or has any merit. I haven't even read all of the hate mail and submissions I received from this debacle. My mental health can't take it. I literally woke up for school the next morning, saw my notifications and couldn't get myself to stop crying from the anger/upsetness/trauma/depressed thoughts that bubbled up with all of it, and I couldn't even get myself to go to class because I was so shaken. Like visibly, physically shaken, to the point where I couldn't think straight and I literally had tremors from how upset and unstable it made me feel. Tumblr should be a place where I can voice my opinion on something I am passionate about without all this hate. I literally have no other place. Right now, irl, I got dragged into drama (not mine, I swear, I was just a witness and got pulled into the mess) with my honor society, and the girl who started it all is trying to pit the entire organization against me. I can't post anything on my finsta, and God forbid I even tried to post anything in Facebook. (Not like I would). I am already in a very dark place mentally and emotionally because of the trauma this is putting me through, and how unwanted, useless and disgusting everybody is making me feel. I shouldn't be getting that from strangers who just decided to make my life even more miserable on top of it. Legitimately, out of the 30-40 comments/asks/replies/submissions I recieved, only one person even tried to realize where I was coming from or to educate me on what I had done wrong or missed in my analysis. But some of their wording just mirrored all the hate l had recieved, or even other things I had been told in real life that just made me cry even harder and I still can't bring myself to reply to even the person who was civil. My one big point to anyone who sees this is (besides don't be a dick/cyber bully/create and stir up unnecessary discourse) is don't assume that people don't know what they're talking about? Or don't assume that they are fake fans? And don't make people spell every letter of their opinion out for you in a 12 page thesis if it doesn't comply with the tumblr norm. Cuz here are some fun facts about me that I don't normally publicize / post about on tumblr: Yes, I am an anime fan, but Jesus Christ I love/am a huge fan of WAY more than I am in the fandom for. I am honestly only in like 4-5 anime fandoms. Same thing goes for other things I like, such as Harry Potter or marvel. I can like things, A LOT, and be passionate about them without being in the fandom. That doesn't mean I don't like it or I'm not knowledgable on the subject. That doesn't mean that I am an idiot for not knowing a fact/opinion/theory that has made its way around the fandom, that I'm not a part of. YES, I am a HUGE SPORTS FAN. It was legitimately also my fucking career (as a sports reporter/journalist/broadcaster). Do I post on tumblr about Baseball or Football or Hockey? Almost never. Does that make me any less of a fan, or does that make me any less knowledgeable about teams and rules? No. Does that mean that I didn't play/participate in almost every sport growing up? (baseball for 6 years, I still play Intermural football, tennis for 3 years, volleyball for 4, soccer for 1, swimming for like 5 years, I tried track, even karate and some other random stuff.) YES, I AM FUCKING KNOWLEDGABLE ABOUT PERFORMANCE SPORTS. I have participated/competed/trained/still watch almost every kind of performance sport. Of course color guard and marching band has been the longest, and the thing I was best at (7 years), but I grew up doing all kinds of dance and I still do lots of dance, as well as TONS of my own choreography. I've done baton and cheer for about 1-2 years each too. I did gymnastics for 4 years — was I very good? hell no. But do I know about it and appreciate it? Yes. SAME THING GOES FOR FIGURE SKATING. I only had like half a years worth of lessons, and like 3 routines that I ever finished and performed with figure skating, but that is because it is an expensive af sport, and I had way more activities and sports that I was better at, more passionate about learning, and were more accessible. BUT did I grow up going to figure skating shows like Disney on Ice or Stars on ice? Did that stop me from waiting in line for hours to get Michelle Kwan and other famous figure skaters autographs? No. Did that stop me from watching almost every single minute of the 2014 and 2010 Olympics? No. Do I still remember watching parts of the 2006 Olympics with my parents and absolutely being ENTHRALLED and wanting to do that too? YES. I still remember watching the 2014 Olympics from my aunt's house when I was staying on a cot in her living room because my mother was in the hospital and CRYING when I saw Y* H* perform, break world records, and win the gold. It was a sense of normalcy and awe because everything else going wrong in my life didn't matter while I was watching these amazing athletes perform. And GUESS WHAT, since I'm not really a part of the Figure Skating fandom (just like I'm not in the musical theatre fandom, or in anything regards to hair or makeup) I don't post about my own hype or plans regarding how excited I am for things to come out. So nobody here on tumblr, or almost ANYONE knew how excited I was for this upcoming Grand Prix season for the first actual competition of the Olympic season. I watched almost every challenger series video, as well as the autumn winter classic and competitions of the like. Even the JGPF events in anticipation. But guess what: I literally have a note on my phone that has all of Team USA's competition schedules, and their scores that they have gotten so far (like at the COR), along with a list of my favorite international skaters, and other new skaters to watch. I was so hype, so excited, and I thought that maybe, since figure skating had boomed in popularity, thanks in part to YOI (but also, helped people be more vocal and open about how much they love the sport even if ex already did) I would be able to discuss the excitement with other people. But no. Instead of being able to say "omg I'm so excited for blah blah blah, I hope they make the Olympic team. But I also love this show concept and this other persons costume, and you also can't count out blah blah blah" and being civil with conversation among other fans... They instead will say " wow you like blah blah blah? But you said this about them, and that offends me so you're wrong, and you forgot this tiny detail from 3 years ago, and you like anime so you OBVIOUSLY only care about figure skating because of YOI. Take your bandwagon fan bullshit away from me and go kill yourself". So now, I am staying the fuck away from the figure skating fandom, I've literally left half of my choreography untouched for almost 2-3 months, don't want to read/finish any of my YOI fanfics, and will probably even have a hard time watching Skate Can this weekend (even though like 6 of my favorite skaters are competing, and I was so excited before). Guess I'll just have to annoy my snapchat friends with videos of skating and me screaming because of skating. Fuck you tumblr, and I doubt I'll make any more original posts outside of APO planning and reblogs in the foreseeable future,