#rudi van disarzio

[frickyesforumweapons]

[ancientbooshartifacts]

White Wedding

Author: Beansidhe_Baby

Year: 2008

Rating: PG-13

Pairing:  Howard/Vince; Rudi/Spider; Anthrax/Ebola; Neon/Ultra; Naboo/Bollo; Saboo/Tony Harrison; onesided Old Gregg/Howard; Mr Susan/Sandstorm; the Hitcher/Old Gregg

Vince was having a minor make up crisis, there was a smear of mascara on his upper eyelid, on top of several layers of carefully blended eyeshadow. He sighed in exasperation and wiped his right eye clean and started again. This was supposed to be the best day of his life and the bloody eye makeup let him down at the last gasp. There was a soft knock at the door and Naboo came in without waiting for him to open the door. “I was sure I locked that,” Vince said, looking over his shoulder at Naboo. “I'm a powerful shaman, Vince. And there's a spare key on a hook out there,” he said flatly, “How's it going?” “I'm going to look like a slapper in my wedding photos, but, other than that, fan-bloody-tastic,” Vince muttered murderously at his own reflection. “We all think you're lovely,” said Naboo, in a rare moment of flattery. “Well I look like a lovely slag. Howard's parents are going to think he's gotten me pregnant or something...” “You're a man, Vince,” Naboo reminded him helpfully. “Oh yeah. Men still don't have babies, then?” “No.” ~-~-~-~-~-~- “Is this straight?” Howard asked anxiously, tugging at his bow tie. “No,” said Bollo without looking up from his magazine, “Vince a man.” “The tie, Bollo. Is the tie on straight?” Howard asked again. “Nobody look at you. Precious Vince radiant bride. Groom. Radiant bridegroom.” Bollo said off handedly, flipping through his magazine. “I don't want to let the side down. If this goes on crooked I'll have to look at Vince wincing at the photos every anniversary for the rest of my life.” “If Vince love you when you look like that, he won't care about ties” Bollo sighed, closed his mag and got up to fix Howard's bow tie for him. “Thanks Bollo,” Howard smiled nervously. “Break his heart and I'll kill you.” “Yes sir.” ~-~-~-~-~-~- “Bridegroom or groom?” Lester asked an empty patch of air next to the guest. “I'll find my own seat, squire,” the mysterious green gentleman said, brushing past the blind man. He meandered around the pews before sitting himself down beside a tall man with a large afro who was staring at a man with an equally strange hair style “relieving” himself in the vestry. “Which of the grooms are you with?” the green man asked him. Rudi turned around and seemed to see the other man for the first time. “I'm sorry,” he said quietly, “My mind was elsewhere.” “What's up with the dress then, son?” the Hitcher, for it was of course the manwitch himself, asked. “Actually, that's a common misconception, this is not a dress, it's the robe of th-” Rudi started to correct him before he was interrupted again. “So you a nonce then?” the Hitcher cut across him, with an ever decreasing amount of tact “I am above base sexual desires,” he sniffed. “Oh so he won't let you then?” “I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about.” “Mexican bloke? Uglier than a sack of pigs anuses? He's here with you isn't he?” “Excuse me, I have to go and speak to... anyone else.” ~-~-~-~-~-~- “I don't trust them, they're stealing our look.” “They look nothing like us!” “Look at her with her bloody milky lens. She's wearing your face! Doesn't that get you pissed off at all?” “Getting me a bit randy actually.” “If you're unfaithful to me I'll kill her and make you eat her heart.” “Christ, you're hot when you're jealous.” ~-~-~-~-~-~- “Are they still staring?” “...no” “They are still staring, aren't they?” “...maybe” “Why are we here again?” “We promised Naboo.” “Bloody Naboo.” “Play nice, darling” “One double date with them and we're part of this bloody extended family of theirs.” “Free champagne at the reception though. And besides, everyone knows that sex after a wedding is the best. Except for the poor sods getting married obviously.” “Those electro girls are freaking me out. The little one keeps making stabby hand gestures.” “Little? She's the same height as you!” “Shut your mouth!” ~-~-~-~-~-~- Bryan Ferry was waiting to walk Vince up the aisle. He peeked around the corner at the crowded room. It seemed to be largely made up of scene kids looking fashionably bored, slightly nervous jazz fans and a much bigger selection of various monstrous beasts. In the corner a man made out of sandpaper was discretely chatting up a man made of chamois leathers and jay cloths. He was feeling nervous. He wanted to be back in the forest with trees surrounding him on all sides. He'd sniffed his son's mother-in-law to be, on the neck, and it had all gotten considerably awkward. That would be interesting at the brunch for the close family tomorrow morning. ~-~-~-~-~-~- Vince walked straight forward and all of a sudden, everything else fell away. He forgot about guest-lists and flower arrangements and his hair, and all he could fit into his world view was Howard waiting for him at the end of that long walk. He hadn't seen what Howard would be wearing, they'd decided that they'd already had three lifetimes share of bad luck resulting from broken traditions. He had actually worn a suit. He'd been threatening to wear a Hawaiian shirt and shorts and Vince had been only just sure that he was joking. Vince himself was wearing an elaborate lacy tunic over a pair of knee length leggings. He hadn't felt comfortable in either a morning suit or the white dress so he'd settled for some kind of a mix of the two. He wasn't sure if the result was genius or just bizarre. The way Howard was looking at him, he didn't think it mattered anymore. ~-~-~-~-~-~- “You may now kiss the bride...groom,” Dennis said finally and looked eagerly at the blushing newly-weds. Howard shyly kissed Vince on the lips and Vince threw his arms around his neck. A plaintive cry went through the church and they broke apart to see Old Gregg sobbing onto the Hitcher's shoulder. “Don't worry about him,” Vince whispered, seeing Howard's slightly guilty expression, “He'll get some cock afterwards. Everyone loves the broken hearted ex-girlfriend at a wedding.” “We never actually went out per se, Vince. He kidnapped me,” Howard replied quietly, into his husband's hair. “You look beautiful,” he said, cupping Vince's face in both hands. “You're not so bad, yourself,” Vince giggled, “Not as good as me, obviously, but I think Gregg won't be the only jealous bitch wishing me dead by the end of the night.” “Get in me wheelbarrow, you cheeky vixen.” “I was always in your wheelbarrow, Howard. I was just waiting for you to bloody notice.” They kissed again. ~-~-~-~-~-~- Naboo was dancing by himself in the middle of the floor, pulling focus from everyone else, including Bob Fossil (who no one could quite remember inviting). He was intermittently accosted by small groups of girls who would whisper in his ear. Each time he would shake his head and they'd walk off, looking deeply disappointed. He was off his tits on free champagne (which wasn't all that free, considering that he was paying for the bulk of this wedding) and a couple of twelve skins he'd smoked in the jacks. He noticed Howard and Vince cuddling, or possibly even canoodling, in the corner and suddenly thought that going over to them would be a fantastic idea. “Howard! Vince! You got married,” he smiled widely and hugged them both enthusiastically. “Why aren't you dancing, it's brilliant! All these girls keep asking me if I want to have a good time, but I'm already having a good time, what're they like? Hey, hey guys whose name are you taking? Or are you going to double bar it? Like Noir-Moon or Moon-Noir. Bollo doesn't have a last name, you know.” Vince was looking around desperately for the aforementioned ape to get Naboo to go and have a little lie down somewhere and Howard was looking at Naboo with concern. “Hey Howard,” Naboo leaned in conspiratorially, “I always liked you. You're a good man-thing-horse. Thing.” Howard patted him on the shoulder and he staggered over to one side. “How come the room's moving? Am I paying for a moving room?” he said before falling backwards into his familiar's arms. He looked up and giggled. Vince smiled at Bollo, who grunted shortly and led Naboo over to one of the couches around the periphery of the room. He lay him down gently and when he tried to leave, Naboo pulled him back, almost on top of him. ~-~-~-~-~-~- “Look at that idiot making a complete arse of himself. I tell you Saboo, it's an outrage!” “The only outrage here is that I was talking to a number of lovely ladies and then you insinuated yourself into the conversation and told them all that I was here with you!” “You are here with me. You're the designated driver, you're here with all of us. If you go off with some bird, who's going to get us back? Kirk? He's worse than Naboo! And I haven't exactly been on orange juice all night either.” “Are you trying to imply that you could operate an automobile if you hadn't been drinking yourself into oblivion? I would pay good money to see you even shift gears.” “What? This is an outrage! Who are you? Jeremy Clarkson?” “You had no right to let those girls think that I was shagging a testicle shaped balloon animal.” “As if, you couldn't have me even if you weren't a prize tit” “I could too, have you. You're aching for me.” “Somebody's dreaming.” “I COULD HAVE YOU TWELVE WAYS FROM SUNDAY, YOU KNOB!” ~-~-~-~-~-~- “Alright, I'm going to toss the flowers!” Vince called out before a tide of womenfolk materialised around him. In the front, jostling for position, the goth girls and electro girls were trying to look casual and unbothered by it. Neon and Anthrax were glaring at each other while Ultra and Ebola conveyed their exasperation to each other with a shrug and a wink. Beside them, Mrs. Gideon was preening and smoothing her hair. Somewhere in the middle of the sea of girls, Eleanor, was managing to make every single man in the room anxiously down drinks and pray. Howard looked at the throng of women treading on each other's toes and jabbing elbows into ribs, with horror. This looked like a riot in the making. Decades of feminism and “doing it for themselves”, whatever "it" was, went out the window in the face of a bride(groom) throwing a bunch of flowers. It was absurd! He thought he saw Old Gregg in there somewhere.... The bouquet arced through the air, over the heads of the crowd, and the room was filled with the sound of fifty women (or close approximations) breathing in sharply. The flowers landed, with a soft rustle, in a pair of small hands. Naboo looked down at the flowers in his hands and back up at the murderous glares of the disappointed women. His cheeks turned red and he looked down again before thrusting the flowers towards Bollo. “'Sfor you,” he muttered. Bollo starting to eat an orchid before looking at the shaman's shining eyes looking up at him. Oh. He swallowed nervously and the Orchis saccifera caught in his throat. Naboo patted him on the back until his familiar stopped choking and shyly took his hand. The crowd of females looked less inclined to riot and some were blowing their noses and dabbing their eyes genteelly. ~-~-~-~-~-~- In the back of the hired limo, Howard and Vince necked like teenagers after a dance. Or, like two people who had just gotten married. “Made it,” Vince sighed and nibbled Howard's ear lobe, sending a gust of warm air into his husband's ear. “Just about,” Howard agreed, kissing the inside of Vince's wrist. “I still think we should have eloped and gotten married by Bowie,” Vince said against Howard's throat. “Naboo would have killed me if I took you away and robbed him of organizing the party.” “Cheeky little jack of clubs. D'ya think he had that planned with the flowers?” “He looked pretty surprised. I think it might have been a happy accident.” “I didn't think much of those wedding cake dollies. I looked hideous!” “Well, don't say anything to Leroy or you'll hurt his feelings.” “Oh alright. Howard?” “Yes, little man?” “I love you.” “I love you too.” “Pity Bono had that other party to go to...” “Vince?” “Yes?” “Shut your face.”

[gacktova]

[boosh-moodboards]

♥✩ Boosh Mood Boards ✩♥

#35: “The Priest & The Beast” (S02 E02)

[britishcomediansinblackface]

Julian Barratt as  ‘Rudi van DiSarzio’ in The Mighty Boosh (2004)

[littleredchucks]

Problem is, once you start thinking about all the possible people/monsters who might have had their wicked way with Howard over the years, suddenly that list starts getting really long really fast. They are literally all after that pumpkin ass! Like, I can genuinely imagine the following characters holding Howard down and making him squeal:

Bob Fossil

Jack Cooper

The Boxing Gym owner (Vince’s uncle)

Hamilton Cork

The Ape of Death

Mr Susan

The Spirit of Jazz

Tommy Nookah

Dixon Bainbridge

Charlie Bubblegum

The Electro Girls

The Mutants

Black Frost

The Hitcher

The Piper Twins

The Yetis

Kodiak Jack

The Zombie Nanas

The Goth Girls

The Bingo Caller

Sandstorm

Evil Tree

The Short Blue Berk

Old Gregg

Ramsay

Naan Bread

Precious Lilywhite

The Sea Captain

The Eels

Eleanor

The Brain Cell

The Brain Secretary

The Jazz Virus

Lester Corncrake

The Crack Fox

The Bin Men

Dennis the Head Shaman

Tony Harrison

Saboo

Chris deBurgh

Pencil case Girl

Montgomery Flange

Jurgen Haabermaaster

The Big White Rabit

The Tundra Yetis

Rudi van DiSarzio

Big Leg

Melinda the Shop Dummy

Post-apocalyptic Mutants

Sunflash

Booblay

So many options for cracky smut... and now my brain has seen it, it cannot unsee...

[soft-demon-bitch]

Finding the New Sound

Finding the New Sound

Lately I feel a bit like that episode of the Mighty Boosh where Vince and Howard play Spider Dijon and Rudy van Disarzio try to find the new sound for their band, the Bongo Brothers (minus the black/brownface). Of course, this is a representation in a psychedelic, pseudo spiritual way that is obviously dramatized but trying to…

[mylifeiscomics]

You didn’t know you wanted it till it was already here.

[ancientbooshartifacts]

A long time ago in a galaxy far far away...

Author: xThursdayNextx

Year: 2010

Rating: PG-13

Characters: Naboo, Bollo, Vince, Howard, Rudi

Episode 1: The Bantam Menace

A long time ago in a galaxy far far away... "Naboo the enigma, you have been charged with this most secret and sacred of tasks, do you accept?" "I'm getting de ja vu. Must have smoked too much in that cantina on Tatooine." "You must take this magical artefact and return it to us in our hour of need." "Alright, haven't got much on anyway." "You're sure you can fulfill this mission? The safety of the entire Galaxy rests on your shoulders." "Yeah, yeah, just hand over whatever's under your dress." "This is not a dress, this is the sacred robe of the Jedi Knights." "Pretty boring robe if you ask me, you look like a monk. See what I've got going on here, a vibrant blue teamed with a turban, giving off a mystical air." "The Jedi council has more pressing matters than the colour of robes." "It's a nice fabric, too, have a feel." "Er, yes, very nice. Now, take this." "Not very big, is it?" "Size matters not. You should know that." "Fair point." "Naboo, your mission awaits and time is of the essence. May the force be with you." "Live long and prosper." "That's Star Trek." "Sorry."

Episode II: Attack of the Stoned Some time later, a small flat in Dalston... "...What do you mean you'll be back in a decade or so?" Vince demanded, hands on hips. "Are you high." "Yeah," Naboo nodded, "But that's not it. I've got a mission to fulfill." "How do you know you've got to go back right now, you bumberclart?" Vince asked. Naboo tookn a puff of his hookah. "Read the stars," he shrugged. Vince looked up to see Get your arse to Alderaan now Naboo! spelled out. "Oh, I see." He paused. "Can I come? I've always wanted to go to the future, see what they're wearing..." "It's not actually the future, though, Vince, it's the past. See those other words up there, the ones that say 'A long time ago in a galaxy far far away...'?" "Oh yeah." His face fell then instantly brightened. "Retro space age. It'll be genius." "Go on then. Don't get in the way. Bollo have you got that carpet ready yet?" "Where are you off to?" Howard asked, smiling benignly as he entered the room. "Little holiday?" "Space," Naboo informed him curtly. "The final frontier," Vince added. "Isn't that Star Trek?" Howard frowned. "Whatever," Vince shrugged, "I'm off to check out the space age retro look, might even take a few photographs, maybe even get an article published in Cheekbone." "Yeah, Vince, there ain't going to be time for holiday snaps, this is a serious mission affecting the future of the entire galaxy." "And they entrusted it to you?" "Fair point." "If it's a serious mission, you know you can count on me, Howard Moon, man of action, space explorer, boldly going where no man has been before..." "That's definitely Star Trek," Vince cut in, "And what are you on about, there's whole civilizations out there." "And I, Howard Moon, shall, like a modern missionary, bring them knowledge of our Earth ways, our cultures and peace-loving nature..." "Earth cultures, that's a brilliant idea, howard, I'm just going to get some Gary Numan tapes..." "Right, you two," Naboo interjected, "Let's get this straight - no tapes, no culture and no messing about, yeah? Carpet leaves in ten minutes." Ten minutes later they found themselves sat on the carpet, Howard sucking furiously on travel sweets and Vince humming under his breath. Bollo lumbered up. "Right, Bollo, you finished now you hairy ballbag?" "Sorry. Space travel give Bollo weak bladder." "Right, commencing countdown, engines on." "Take your protein pills and put your helmet on," Vince grinned. "What?" Howard looked at him. "Bowie," Vince whispered back, as if it explained everything. Which in this instance it actually did. "Hold onto your hats," Naboo called back. Vince clutched the armful of headgear he had inexplicably decided to bring on the journey tightly to his chest. "How are we going to get there?" Howard asked, "Won't it take a long time?" "Nah, just your basic slingshot around the moon and we'll be there in no time." "Slingshot around the moon? Isn't that Star Trek?" "I got a bad feeling about this." ...Meanwhile, in a galaxy far far away... Leia clutched Han's arm and pointed at one of the scanners. "What's that?" "Looks like some kind of asteroid or small moon." Han frowned at it. "Chewie, can you get a closer look?" "Auuuuraaaagggh!" "You're right, Chewie. That's no moon!" "When you are the moon, sometimes people they look at you and they say you are not the moon. Cheeky bastards. Look at my chalky white face! I'm the moon!" Leia frowned. "And is that a... flying carpet?"

[gacktova]

[thegrasswasred-blog]

Rob Brezsny's horoscope for Cancer this week reminded me of Rudi van Disarzio:

"CANCER (June 21-July 22): Native American hero Sitting Bull (1831- 1890) was a renowned Lakota chief and holy man. He led his people in  their resistance to the U.S. occupation of their land. How did he become  so strong and wise? In large part through the efforts of his doting mother, whose name was Her-Holy-Door. Let's install her as your exemplar for now. May she inspire you to nurture beauty and power in those you love. May she motivate you to be adroit as you perform your duties in service to the future. May the mystery of her name rouse you to find the sacred portal that ushers you to your next big gift. Halloween costume suggestion: a sacred portal, a divine gateway, an amazing door.

[bythepoweroftopshop]

The Priest and The Beast

[derangedbutterfly]

The Mighty Boosh - Some call me Rudi by TRURURU-Matthew

[jenneleven]

Put away those fiery biscuits.

rudi van disarzio

[textsfromtheboosh]

[ancientbooshartifacts]

Beyond Rudi's Door

Author: Jolieperruche

Year: 2011

Rating: PG

Characters: Rudi, Vince

"Enter into the door, and you shall find the answers you seek." "Yeah, I already told you, I'm not looking for any answers, I just needed to return this ascot I borrowed off one of the mod wolves." "Wolves? What are mod wolves?" "You know them, they're the furry guys in the blue suits? Howling around the jungle all the time?" "Ah. Those guys. Yes, I know them. Still, you must enter into the door!" "Yeah, whatever, if I go inside your door will you leave me alone so I can find Johnny Rocket and his mates?" "No." "Then I'm not going in. I didn't even want to go in in the first place! It's well weird in there." "You have passed the test." "What test?" "The door test. You see, most men would have gone inside my door, for it is within they can influence my mind to make me leave them. But you, you respected its sanctity and mystique." "Mystique. Right. Have you seen the modwolves or not?" "Yes, they're three kilometers down, third tree on your left." "Thanks."