#season 3 eve

[jomiddlemarch]

I drew a line for you

Claire was tired.

She understood tired. Post-call, post-post-call, post-code, post-post-code, post-carbs, post-pretending-ramen-counted-as-a-meal, post-running-on-fumes, post-forgetting-how-to-spell-fumes, post-post-post, the days kept coming, yeah, but the nights did too and she knew about the nights and the way the trauma bay looked like there was a filter on it and when coffee stopped working and you had to try handfuls of sour gummy worms crammed in your mouth and tucked against your cheek like Nicorette.

Everyone was supposed to be asleep then, those little, cracked hours after midnight that were only meant for a nursing mother, like her cousin Julie who was only eight months older than Claire but already had a pair of Irish twins, or for new lovers who’d woken after dozing lightly, pressed too close, ready to fuck again.

She was tired imagining what it would take to get there with Carm, not to the new baby and an anxious father cursing as he screwed up the fresh diaper, not even to the second, hell, third round of fucking, when she’d be too sleepy to think he might mind if she was greedy, if she grabbed his ass to bring him closer while he rutted against her, panting softly against her cheek and then into the crook of her neck, the scent of the sex mixed with their breath, with their sweat that didn’t have even a hint of the deodorant they’d each put on so long ago it was like another decade, not just the day before. She was tired imagining getting to dozing off in his arms, the TV still on, the movie over and something else playing, a show she never recognized except that she knew someone had died and badly, Carmy lying behind her, sure to wake up with a crick in his neck or some muscle knotted up between his shoulder blades, one she didn’t have to name, because she wasn’t being Dr. Dunlap and she didn’t have to fish a bullet from what had become a side of meat awkwardly butchered.

She wasn’t even sure she loved Carmy, though it would be nice if she did, since she was in this deep and his eyes were that blue and when he could get out of his own fucking way, he could be funny and bright and say something worth thinking about tomorrow and also next week and when she woke up and she hadn’t gotten paged once after 2 am. It would be nice if she loved him, because honestly, she liked to eat but she wasn’t one of those people to lived to eat. Who cared about the provenance of their goddamn huckleberries or could just be transported by single origin chocolate or mole or some elaborately simple salmon mousse. She’d gone through this phase in eighth grade when she’d read her Aunt Cheryl’s collection of Agatha Christie novels instead of going to sleepaway camp up at the lake and she’d always thought there was something appealingly gross about how there would be bloater paste sandwiches and people ate them, washed down with a Thermos of tea, and then puttered around or killed someone else with cyanide or rat poison. She wasn’t going to be able to tell Carmy about bloater paste sandwiches or the sour gummy worms without him getting inspired and then getting all spun up and it would be nice, occasionally, even if she loved him, if he asked one fucking question about her work, her day, and didn’t make it clear she was just supposed to tell him she’d saved someone’s life or it was work, whatever Carmy, tell me about knives or kumquats or Copenhagen in early April. She’d be willing to take him literally asking a fucking question, him murmuring something like did they take that Filipino guy to the ICU when you told them to? while he held her hands above her head and her thighs were hitched over his, his dick hitting the right spot so that she almost laughed, almost cried when she muttered, they bitched about his sats but yeah, and he said, you’re so good, babyand she didn’t have to decide if he meant she still had the tight Kegeled pussy of a nullipara or she was a good doctor for getting the jagweed intensivist fellow Ethan to accept the admit or that she was a sweet, beautiful girl he’d had a thing for since he was fifteen. 

She wouldn’t have to decide. He’d mean it all, or mostly all, the sweet-beautiful-girl part entirely, and she wouldn’t be quite so tired. She’d put on pajama bottoms over her panties when she went into the kitchen in the morning when he’d already be cooking something with eggs that looked complicated and she’d have it in her to make a cup of tea in the microwave instead of drinking the coffee from what was left in the French press, because of course he only had a French press.

She wouldn’t be too tired to say, I need to run errands, boring ones, you don’t have to come, and nod when he said, maybe he could come with her to the pharmacy, because he needed more condoms and this conditioner Nat said he should get and shaving cream. She wouldn’t be too tired to say, fine, but she was on again at 3, so he couldn’t dawdle. She wouldn’t be too tired to say Next time I want waffles, the shitty frozen ones but with real maple syrup without worrying a little first.

Next time, there would be store-brand Eggo knock-offs and a little flask of maple syrup shaped like a leaf and a bowl of freshly whipped cream, because he was a chef but he’d listened, mostly, and when she cried in the tub because she hadn’t saved that 4 month old baby and she couldn’t remember the teenager she’d stitched up after Angela who wore Snoopy scrubs told her to call it, Claire, Carmy would come in and instead of washing her hair or setting a plate of something exquisite and bittersweet on the edge, would just pick up the washcloth from the cloudy, cooling  depths of the bathwater and stroke it haphazardly over her back and her neck and her shoulder, no rhythm, no plan or message, just Carmy trying to care in the way she wanted him to, humming Coldplay’s Yellow, leaning over to add more hot water without asking.

For @tessa-quayle on Season-3-The-Bear eve because you said you wanted me to take on Claire and make her a real person instead of what canon gave us.

[snw-faatuatua]

tē คr໐hค ᰔᩚ

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Wanted to post something for TBB Eve, Hunter and Omega having a hongi moment would be SO PERFECT, in fact, everyone needs a hongi!!

Hope to get my farewell piece done by tomorrow we’ll see 🤞🏽

[idctaylorr]

I haven’t posted art here in years but I’m too proud of this to not post it

“Mark, why is Seance Dog in the first aid kit?”

“Mom put him in there when I was younger”

Ik Eve could probably just snap her fingers and fix Marks injuries, but my friends and I headcanon that she likes to take care of him, and he enjoys it too.

[forsapphics]

Wlw Christmas 👩🏼‍❤️‍💋‍👩🏽🎀🎄🌟🦌💡⛄✨🧑🏽‍🎄🏘️🥂🕯️🧸👩🏼‍❤️‍👩🏽

[oladelmars]

Dude someone needs to revive the invincible fandom right NOW there’s no way there’s 3 fanfics on Mark Grayson???? All by the same person????? You guys have until February 6 count your motherfucking days

[melymigo]

Happy Bad Batch Eve from the Kiners!

They're the main reason I am around X/Twitter. Sean and Deana are truly the best experiences I've ever had in the fandom. The love they have for the series is genuine, and I am really thankful for everything they've done for it. 

Kudos to Kevin for everything he has done since The Clone Wars and for bringing his talented family into the Star Wars universe.

[cordiallyfuturedwight]

❤️ for @rjshope (cr. dwellingsouls)

[alverelover]

[admireforever]

Tori & Michael

[gldnstrngs]

thoughts post merlin season finale rewatch for the anniversary:

(let me preface that ive never cried to the finale despite me watching it twice and rewatching arthurs death scene several times— i definitely got emotional but never cried)

1.) …so i cried… from the beginning of the episode… i just hated how gwen never got a proper goodbye from arthur and was aiding all of his men, wondering where he was and if he was okay😭 and then later on, when leon tells her that arthurs missing and she turns around and silently cries, but quickly recovers… that was SO heartbreaking. she just keeps going and cries to herself like she deserved so so so much better and i hate that she never got closure

2.) i know that merlin has really truly become emrys but im not sure if it was necessary for dragoon to be his Final Form. i didnt watch the first part so maybe i missed the importance of that, but i feel like the scene would’ve been so much better if merlin looked like himself and casted all those badass spells and everyone would see him

3.) WHEN ARTHUR WAKES UP TO MERLIN AND THE FIRST THING HE SAYS IS “merlin, where have you been?” IM NOT OKAY??? it wasnt “merlin, what are you doing here?” or “merlin, how did you get here?” it was merlin, where have you been? that whole time arthur was in battle all😭he😭wanted😭was😭merlin😭

and then the magic reveal. the goddamn magic reveal. that entire scene is so heartbreaking. tell me why i was so distraught when ive seen that scene more times than i can count. and he doesnt just say “i have magic, i used it to protect you” NO. he says i use it for you, only for you. THAT IS A CONFESSION. it’s such a subtle shift of words but it says SO MUCH.

arthur immediately being in denial kills me. it was never a thought in his head that merlin would actually have magic because he associated it with evilness and cruelty. but then he finds out that merlin has always had magic and the way his eyes become so sad… the way his finger brushed his merlins chin right before realizing the truth… im so…

4.) i couldnt stop crying when the scene cut to gwen in the castle, staring out the window and feeling that arthur is alive. her eyes are so sad. i just can’t get over the fact that she never had the goodbye she deserved

5.) as much as i hate the way arthur reacted to merlin having magic, i do understand. he was literally just in battle, was mortally wounded, and found out that the only person he thought he could trust had been lying to him from the moment they met. i dont believe arthur actually thought merlin was dangerous— he’s prone being angry before being sad as a defense mechanism and that was only fueled by finding out that gaius was also lying to him. at that point, it must’ve felt like every person he’d ever known and trusted only ever lied to him. its so tragic I CANT.

BUT ALSO on the other side of that i actually cannot handle how utterly heartbroken merlin looks. his red rimmed eyes because he was crying all night😭 thinking that arthur would hate him forever…

5.) this entire scene bro…

“why did you never tell me?”

“…i wanted to, but…”

“…what?”

“you would’ve chopped my head off.”

“…not sure what i would’ve done.”

“and i didn’t want to put you in that position.”

“…that’s what worried you?”

“some men are born to… plow fields, some live to be great physicians, others… to be great kings. me… i was born to serve you, arthur. and i’m proud of that. and i wouldn’t change a thing.”

UMMMM SO I HAVE MANY THOUGHTS. i have rewatched this scene so. many. times. it is genuinely one of the most beautiful scenes ever written in cinema call me dramatic but im just speaking facts

arthur’s face when he realized that merlin really did care for him. the way he instantly lights up, despite being in pain. and his eyes… theyre glued to merlin. the whole time, he couldn’t look at him directly, but now he was. he was just scanning his face, memorizing all of merlin’s features AND MERLIN IS JUST STARING AT ARTHURS LIPS

also. ALSO. how have i seen this so many times and never. NEVER. caught onto the fact that gwen and arthur’s theme (which is originally titled the love theme) WAS PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND. there was no mention of gwen at all in that scene. that was all merlin and arthur. this just confirms to me that this is the moment arthur fully realized and accepted that he was in love with merlin

6.) gwen deserved to know that merlin was a sorcerer FROM MERLIN. they were best friends. THEY WERE BEST FRIENDS!!! HE SHOULDVE BEEN THE ONE TO TELL HER!!! they deserved a scene where merlin comes back from avalon and he and gwen hug and cry.

7.) gwaine and percival should NOT have gone after morgana. i understand their rage but there was no way they were going to defeat her unless they had excalibur or something…

and gwaines death was so unnecessary. that was clearly for shock factor and i hated it. but i did get emotional when percy was able to free himself because he heard gwaine was being tortured… and then hes there when gwaine dies… their foreheads touching… (im not ok)

8.) it breaks my heart that morgana felt no guilt or remorse when she saw arthur, wounded and on the verge of dying. you can so clearly see that arthur feels that way when he sees morgana die, but there’s nothing on her end. i know it’s meant to show how far gone she is but it genuinely doesn’t feel right. i really do think she would’ve experienced some sort of internal conflict when seeing her own brother dying… like maybe she realized that none of this was worth it. it didnt feel as good as she thought it would

and when she’s stabbed by merlin😭 and he says he blames himself for what she’s become. people don’t recognize it enough how merlin feels so much guilt for the way he treated morgana. i just know he didn’t want to kill her, but he had no choice and he knew it was his fault…

9.) is there a reason why merlin didnt call for kilgharrah. i know kilgharrah said in the previous episode that he would finally be lying to rest for eternity, but i feel like this was an especially dire situation where he was needed😭 AND MERLIN SUMMONS HIM LATER ON!!!

or what about aithusa??? LIKE THEY DID NOT HAVE TO BE ON HORSES THE WHOLE TIME

(if anyone can explain the reasoning then lmk otherwise it was just a plot hole and that pisses me off bruh)

10.) arthur’s death did not need to happen, yet it was one of the best death scenes i’ve ever scene. it was just so raw and painful. “just… just hold me…” WHAT IF I DIE??!?!,,!!, he thanks merlin, he pats his head, he brushes his cheek, he tries to hold his hand like im fjwjdjsjjswhshshsj

also originally i was not fully convinced by the theory that the breath arthur took before saying “thank you” was “i love you.” i didnt want to be delusional but i actually do think he did say that he loves merlin. AND THAT CAN BE INTERPRETED AS ROMANTIC OR PLATONIC!!! i def see it as romantic but yes… im so Normal…

11.) “i’ve failed?” just. don’t talk to me.

12.) when merlin stands by the boat arthur is laid to rest in, trying to hold back his tears only to sob as he touches his forehead. the way he tries to gather himself. the way he struggles to say arthurs name and cast the spell. the way he watches arthur drift off, shaking. just. pls.

13.) gwen my baby girl. i cannot emphasize this enough. you deserved so much better. my heart broke when she played with arthurs royal seal and then when i saw the empty throne beside her. she had no time to prepare for this. she just lost the love of her life.

14.) it cuts to leon and then percival. and then i realize theyre the only two left in the round table. they both look so distraught. they lost everyone they ever loved.

15.) gaius :( he was waiting for merlin with his favorite meal :(

16.) bro the truck always jumpscares me omfg why is it so loud😭😭😭 then i get sad because merlin is old and walking alone and its the present and he’s still waiting for arthur :(

they should’ve had the show end with arthur saying “merlin” instead of kilgharrah saying it. that’s literally all we needed. it would’ve been so perfect but here we are…

final thoughts:

i love that this episode wasnt just the battle and action. the focus of it was merlin and arthur, navigating their feelings from the magic reveal and arthurs mortal wound. its so painful and heartbreaking but that just symbolizes the love they have for each other. this entire episode was filled with their gentle moments, softly speaking and touching each other. then arthur dies in merlin’s arms but i dont think he’d want to be anywhere else

also!!! colin and bradley’s acting in this episode… it was absolutely PHENOMENAL. they are already such great actors, but they really nailed it in the series finale. i can’t get over how they speak with their eyes the whole time. you can the love, fear, and acceptance they experienced throughout the whole episode. it was just so beautiful and i think that was what rlly made this ep

[acupofqueercoffee]

She did not always care for me, but…for what she gave me in the end, I’m grateful.

[marvelsgirl616]

I’m so excited !!!

[thememerman]

just a little Cowboy Hunter to get you through this fine Bad Batch Eve 🗣️

and a little something extra bc I was in a silly goofy mood 🤪

[dark-ethereal-visions]

Who's ready for the new year? 🤣

[mroddmod]

[confined]

[ghostlyarchaeologist]

The Librarians S03E05 and the Tears of a Clown.