#screams i feel so selfish

[oblitus-vulpes]

autism is everything you do is Bad and Wrong unless it's not. but we're never going to tell which is which

[florallylly]

i've seen model steve harrington aus. i've seen child steve harrington aus. i present: child model steve harrington

note: this came from my own desperate need to see this conceptualized and i SWEAR i've searched, i just can't find any content with child model steve so. :(

bc little steve harrington was remarkably cherub-like. his large brown eyes and soft pout ensured endless cooing and fussing from his mom's friends. and when he blushed and ducked his head in shyness, they only complimented him more. when he got home that day, his mom smiled at him.

so steve decided that he would put up with the cheek pinching and the squealing. he sat upright in his chair, sitting on his hands so he wouldn't fidget and ruin the image. because he'd do anything to keep his mom smiling at him. if he was being particularly good that day, she'd let him lay his head on her lap on the drive back home.

but everything changed at his father's birthday gala. a nearly eight year old steve harrington sat prim and proper in his seat, but a smile lit up his face--his cheeks round and his dimples showing up. he raised his hand up to cover his giggle, but he couldn't help but laugh at some silly old man with a loose toupee. then he sees his mom approaching, and his face quickly smooths over, going back to the more polite smile he usually adopted when it came to these events.

he'd ruined it. he hadn't continued being the sweet boy his mom wanted. but then, she smiles at him. and introduces him to the man behind her, who says he's a designer. the man holds out his hand, but when steve puts his hand into his palm, he doesn't shake it. the man simply holds his hand, his eyes scanning steve's face. steve tries not to squirm under the attention. but the man nods and smiles at his mom, and he gives two brief cheek kisses to steve, whispering in his ear "you're going to be a star, darling." steve looks at his mom, confused, but she waves him off to continue talking to the man.

a few months later, steve's mom whisks him off on a trip to france. and steve is so excited to go, nearly vibrating in his seat as the airplane prepares to take off. but instead of the eiffel tower and the seine, steve is taken to a studio. he's posed and changed. once again, he's being fussed over, but instead of wealthy socialites, gossiping make-up artists squeal over him. he's "perfect for the shoot" and "the most darling little boy." steve doesn't understand, but his mom is still smiling, so he lets the nice ladies brush powder over his face.

and he looks in the mirror. his hair is a little more tousled and his lips have a slight tint to them and his eyes seem to take up much of his face. he's put into new clothes, and he feels like a doll in their hands. and when he's put in front of the camera, he simply follows the photographer's directions. afterwards, he's bundled into the car and his mom can't stop gushing about how good he was.

apparently, he's a natural. and then she goes back to fussing over him, focusing more on appearance than his behavior now. but she takes him out shopping and they eat at an upscale restaurant along the champs-elysses. and steve is happy.

and then they go back home, and his mom is so much stricter than before. she has him try out all kinds of different hair products, determined to find the best combination to keep it looking shiny and soft. she controls his food intake and what he wears and makes him use weird creams and serums on his face. but this is what makes his mom happy, so he's happy to let her.

his mom is also on the phone a lot more lately, whispering harshly about the quality of brands and steve just assumes she's being picky about the clothes she buys. later, his mom picks him up and holds him, and asks if he'd like to move to italy. she looks at him intently and it's obvious what answer she wants, so steve nods. she smiles and holds him close, and it's the most loved steve has felt in a while.

so they move to italy, and suddenly steve is a lot more busy. he's put in front of more cameras for more people he doesn't know. but he's smiling and pouting and doing whatever they want him to do. his compliant attitude and polite nature have photographers and designers alike singing his praises, and steve always looks to his mom for approval. but she's been arguing with his dad a lot lately, so she's upset more often than not. but that's okay, the make-up artists are always kind to him.

but then one day, his mom takes a phone call in the middle of the shoot. and when it finishes, she's gone. steve goes back in, close to tears, but the make-up artists still hanging around look after him until a car is sent to pick him up. this becomes a trend. and eventually, steve goes alone to his shoots. he's always taken care of by the crew and someone is always there to pick him up, but it's not fun without his mom there.

but he knows that she's always enjoyed him taking pictures, so he continues to do so, hoping that she'll come watch him again sometime soon. and he busies himself with befriending the chatty make-up artists and the bossy photographers and the eccentric designers. and he's such a cute little thing that they can't help but dote on him.

steve is never catapulted into child stardom, as his mom is picky with his jobs, only choosing luxury brands and well known designers for him. but within the industry, they call him the "little prince."

and then steve is catapulted into puberty, but his intense skin regimen prevents him from getting acne, save for the occasional zit. and his diet and religious exercise schedule help maintain his look. and he's still doing remarkably well, especially now that he's fully aware that he is a Model.

and steve has truly grown into his looks. with time, he's grown more comfortable in front of the camera and made numerous friends. nearly all of them are older than him, but they're fun and loud and it fills up the space that normally surrounds him. and they're the ones who get him hooked on american movies. steve remembers living in america, but he's been in milan so long that everything he recalls is vague.

but he watches them and falls in love with the american high school experience. so when he finally catches his mom off the phone and actually in the house, steve asks if he can go to school in america. and his mom laughs. but steve keeps asking, which devolves into begging. and his mother snaps, slapping him across the face and calling him ungrateful. she cries and begs for forgiveness, cowed into shame by steve's desperate attempt to hold back tears.

and so she lets him go to school in hawkins, indiana. an odd choice, but his parents just so happened to own a property there. (in truth, both of his parents expected him to change his mind within the year). but steve finds his place at hawkins high, because even though nobody in hawkins has ever heard of versace, steve is pretty. he's pretty and charming and he knows the right thing to say. after all, he's spent his whole life perfecting his mask.

and even if his mom ended up moving back home with his dad, leaving steve all alone in that big empty house, steve is happy. he's finally hanging out with people his age and high school is so far removed from the glitz and glam of the fashion industry. and he's settled and content with tommy and carol by his side. while he misses his friends back in milan, steve finds himself longing for the clothes more often. hawkins was certainly the opposite of milan, what with the nearest mall being two hours away and only equipped with a macy's and jcpenny.

through it all, steve is determined to be normal. he laughs along with jokes he doesn't quite get and rolls his eyes at carol's cue, and he joins the swim team. and he joins the basketball team. and he goes to parties and kisses girls and wears dumb little polos with his letterman jacket and does everything that he saw in the movies.

but nancy wheeler is different. steve can't forget his time in italy and who he is and was, and he's reminded of his old life in everyone and everything in hawkins. but not nancy wheeler. she's all hawkins and all his. and then the upside down happens.

and then nancy wheeler breaks his heart.

even after three years, his parents continue to ask when he'll go back to modeling, but he's different now. the upside down and billy hargrove beat that starry eyed little kid who thrived in the spotlight. and nancy wheeler proved that adoration and love is fleeting, so what would even be the point of trying anymore? his dad was a little more approving of steve's retirement/hiatus, saying that steve must want to go to college so he can take over the family business.

but when steve doesn't get into college, he's once again badgered by his mom to go back. but he's grown and changed and he's not sure that he can pretend anymore, so he says no. and they cut him off. enter: scoops era.

the measly scoops salary is not nearly enough to cover all of the new bills and expenses steve has, but he's not willing to leave hawkins. so he reaches out to his friends back in italy, and they refer him to their american connections. steve doesn't model at the same level as before, but he poses for a couple of zines and one artist who got a little too handsy at his exhibition. but he's able to make it through until the mall blows up.

this routine continues and he starts working at family video with robin at his side, but he keeps his side job a secret from the kids, using the excuse of visiting his parents to leave town for his shoots. he's not ashamed, but he knows he wouldn't "be normal" anymore if they found out.

but how does he explain his near mental breakdown at the sight of his healing demobat scars. they're raised and ugly, ruining what should have been a perfect body. and even though he uses scar cream everyday, they refuse to fade away completely. and how could anyone stand to be near such an ugly thing when all his life, steve was meant to be pretty? after all, love and adoration is fleeting.

[lucreziagiovane]

the irony of cesare slutshaming juan for sleeping in brothels had me with tears in my eyes considering his very first scene in the show is him rawdogging a prostitute like his life depended on it...like babygirl we see you!!!

[snzluv3r]

i actually feel so incredibly uncomfortable and isolated in this space right now and i know that’s silly because of how many people there are just like me who share the same feelings but idk…the fact that people even think this is defensible behavior is making me feel sick

[arolesbianism]

Despite how much I suffered making my last isat au Aris sprite redraw, I decided to do it again and once again went through hell doing it. There’s like a billion mistakes in this (such as her having the wrong arm rip) but at the end of the day I’m still happy with how it turned out :]

[swagstar]

nightcord is about mental health but also what heavily affects it - the upbringing. you have 2 characters at complete diffrent ends of the spectrum - kanade who was unconditionally loved by her parents, who supported her interests and loved her no matter what; and mafuyu, who has a parent who doesnt give a shit about her interests or what she likes, only about what they want for her.

you really see an effect of that - kanade heavily echoes the love her parents gave her. she loves and loves and by god does she love. she emits so much love and care to the poeple close to her, especially mafuyu, that the only way i can describe this is motherly. not in the sense that kanade babies mafuyu but that she unconditionally loves her no matter what. even at mafuyu's lowest points she was there for her. no matter what mafuyu said or did she was always there to say "mafuyu im here for you. mafuyu i care about you. mafuyu ill help you find yourself no matter what.".

And seeing what kanade grew up with its heartbreaking for her to find out how mafuyu's parents really are. before speaking to mafuyu's mother she was determined that maybe she has to just tell her what mafuyu's she'll change her mind. maybe if she tells the truth she'll change her mind. maybe, maybe, maybe. when she finally speaks to her and finds out how mafumom really is its heartbreaking for her to fully realize what mafuyu was going through. its terrible to see that kanade got a taste of the trauma that mafuyu experienced. it really shakes her world view - not that she's innocent but that parents, compared to hers, can be so terrible and unloving. it boggles her mind that parents who are supposed to unconditionally love and support their child, be there for them no matter what, can be this terrible.

its immensely interesting to see these 2 perspectives clash and what kind of effect kanade and mafuyu have om eachother with these diffrent pasts

[endlessfuckup]

saw your post about no longer wanting to be a phan blog and i just wanted to say i get you especially the reaction to this tour has been very uncomfortable and i could never figure out exactly why it felt... overbearing ig??? but it has been building and the tour leak and announcement just seemed to put a spotlight on people seem to have learned nothing from the previous years and seem to think that now that they're back it's okay to push their boundaries because they're engaging with us again. and tbh i appreciate you for helping put into words the discomfort ive been feeling and it sucks that it turned out like this that the enjoyment of the thing gets harder because of others

I was so so hoping it wouldn't get like this again

The first 5-6 months of the gaming channel being back were mostly wonderful

Everyone was behaving and respectfully enjoying dnp being back as a duo

I've seen/felt it building up over the past few months but I kept ignoring it because I figured it was just newer phans who didn't know about any of "the lore"

But every time I'd check their page out it would almost always be someone in their mid-late 20s who has been around for 10+ years

I was dumbfounded

I genuinely cannot believe people still treat Dan and Phil like tv characters who exist purely for entertaining the masses

Its really sad

[redrobin-detective]

The Drake Legacy

Janet Drake was born with everything a little girl could ask for.

She was from a high class, reputable family, not famous as the Waynes or Elliots but that was okay. They preferred it that way, they got the money and status without the high expectations. She wasn’t a beauty but she had a sweet face, pouty lips and with the right clothes and styling, could be pretty enough. She had an older brother whom all the expectations and business matters were piled onto leaving Janet free to be a pretty, thoughtless thing before marrying well and living her days in endless luxury. She soon learned to hate the loose but ever present noose around her neck.

-

Jack Marvin was born not quite with nothing but not much above it.

Jack’s family lived in an eternal battle to stay out of poverty. His parents both worked two jobs to make ends meet and Jack was put to work as soon as he was old enough. Jack wasn’t a particularly good at any of the jobs he took; he felt cheated working so hard for the money just to be handed over to his parents. He wasn’t particularly handsome or smart or strong. The only things Jack really had going for him was that he was clever and could be very charming when he desired. He used these traits to skate from job to job, skimming a bit off the top of his earnings to keep for himself. Jack went to bed every night cursing his lot in life and telling himself it wouldn’t always be this way.

-

Janet was dressed in the finest clothing, went to the best possible schools and associated with only the wealthiest Gotham citizens. She hated every minute of it. She felt like a porcelain doll, her parents’ pretty possession for other people to ogle at. Her dainty, pure white tea gloves felt constricting, her high heels too tight and the pearls around her neck like a vice. Like any child lashing out, she found pleasure in the opposite of her upbringing. She took any opportunity to be reckless and dirty, made an elaborate garden just to bury her silken hands in the dirt. Janet thought about sports but she’d never been much of team player, preferring solitude. She instead took up gardening, hiking, anything that got her outside of the polished marble of the Drake estate and into nature.

She hadn’t given much thought to college, it wasn’t like she needed a job after all but it was better than staying home waiting for her mother to make her a match. She looked up jobs that put her in the dirt and signed up Gotham University’s archeology program. Even if she got bored, it could be fun for a bit.

-

Jack wasn’t stupid but school just wasn’t his thing. Authority figures telling him what to do just pulled at his nerves. It felt like the whole world was against him, looking down on him. He walked around with this constantly simmering rage and indignation under his skin. Jack would show them who the loser was. The various odd jobs he’d worked his life gave him some interesting experiences, made for good stories at parties. And Jack Drake was always welcome at parties. He had an easy, affable manner about him so he made friends quickly but they often didn’t stay long. But not before Jack had gotten food, money and shelter out of them. He was a nice guy but you had to look out for number one after all.

High school came and went and it was time for the next step. Jack knew if he didn’t go to school, get some sort of degree, he’d end up with a dead end, miserable job like his folks. He gathered what money he’d saved, borrowed or stolen and headed to Gotham University.

-

Janet met Jack in their shared Introduction to Psychology class. It was hard not to notice him. He almost always came in late, since he commuted from across the city she later learned. Jack also had a habit of challenging the teacher, asking sarcastic questions and making passive aggressive arguments. It made him unpopular with the students trying to learn but Janet was fascinated. The messy hair, the roguish smile, he was no Brad Pitt but he had a nice face and more importantly he was so different from the stuffy, upper crust boys she dated. She asked him on a study date which turned into a real date. He was passionate and fierce, he had real ideas that weren’t determined by popular opinion. Their fights were as heated as their make-ups but she kept getting drawn back into his orbit after every spat by his doe eyes and crooked smirk.

It was supposed to be a fling but Jack really seemed to get her. They spent hours railing against the injustices of their parents upon, about the stupid expectations of academia. She convinced him to switch his major to archeology and the two of them flourished. When his money for school ran low, she thought nothing of dipping into trust to fund his classes, food and other expenses. For the first time in her life, Janet felt seen not as a Drake but as herself. So when two years later, Jack got on his knee with a ring, she said yes.

-

Jack didn’t like college any better than high school but he kept the reins on his temper because he knew this was his only way out of poverty. His classes were stupid and he had to miss out on parties to work part time jobs to pay for tuition. Until the girl with the designer sweater and smarmy smile asked him to study together. One date led to another and another. At first he stuck to Janet because she was an endless money pocket, who pulled out her gold credit card without second thought. He’d wine and dine her as long as possible to keep the free food and expenses flowing. And then the unbelievable happened, he actually started to like her. She was obviously a trust fund baby, a know it all used to getting her own way. But she stuck up for herself, even when she was wrong and bulldozed over anyone who stood in her way. She screamed just as loud as he did during arguments and listened to his rants with an understanding nod. Soon, she stopped just being a wallet and became something more.

She made him switch to archeology and he did, one because she was mostly paying for his degree at this point and two because he wasn’t focused on anything else. He found he liked it to his surprise. Jack would stay up late talking about different cultures and their unique lifestyles, a world neither of them knew and wanted a piece of. Janet was all about the process, the digging and the satisfaction of finding what she was looking for. Jack was interested in the money that could be found with artifacts. One day, he looked up a realized he loved Janet Drake against all the odds and took the plunge. He bought the best ring he could afford and got on his knee and was shocked when she jumped into his arms and said yes.

-

Janet wore a white pantsuit to her wedding, one last middle finger to her mother who was already beside herself that he daughter was marrying outside their social circle. Just before Janet walked down the aisle, her mother hissed at her that she’d regret this one, two, ten years down the road. Everything she loved about Jack now would turn into disgust and she’d be running home soon enough. She nuzzled Jack’s shoulder during their first dance and positively preened when he agreed to take her last name. From now on, Janet and Jack were a team in everything. They finished their degrees and hopped right into the field. With Janet’s money and connections, they had their choice of sites to chose from. They worked hard at their profession but they lost far more money than they made, not that it mattered.

They played hard too, dining in the finest restaurants, visiting the most beautiful locations, attending the most exclusive events. They spent more time abroad than they did in Gotham, only returning for the big events. She was given access to the Drake money but her parents weren’t really speaking to her anymore which was fine by her. One morning, a few years into their marriage. Janet woke up terribly sick. The sickness progressed until finally she was forced to admit that she was pregnant.

- 

Jack took to wealth like a duck to water. He looked good in tailored suits and became quite the connoisseur of wines (as well as other high quality spirits). He loved to travel, to get out of the smoggy, hell hole that was Gotham and indulged in rich luxuries like golf. It didn’t matter that he was becoming one of the out of touch, arrogant elites he’d once hated, all that mattered was that he was better than those who’d looked down on him. Things with Janet were good, so good during those first few years. They still fought hard but they loved just as hard. They had their shared interest in archeology but had their own separate tastes that often had them apart for weeks as a time. He was happiest abroad with her at his side, buying and doing whatever he liked. The worst were the times they had to return to Gotham, attend to those stupid black tie events. It was the time he felt most like a kid who grew up on food stamps, his wife blending in perfectly with the blue blood crowd while Jack felt like a heaving fish out of water. He kept pushing to extend their travels.

He wasn’t too concerned when Janet started getting sick. They were on the other end of the world and they’d both had their share of travel sickness and food poisoning. But it kept going on until finally Janet was presenting him with a positive pregnancy test. This had not what they planned for.

-

They’d agreed, fairly early on in their relationship that children were not for them. They were too independent, too busy, too modern to be tied down by a child. Janet would be happy to travel the world with Jack until she was old and gray but now there was a wrench in the equation. Jack had told her to abort and move on but Janet found herself hesitating. She longed for freedom but oh wouldn’t it be nice to have a little one running after them? Her mother cursed her to be unhappy but Janet was determined to prove her wrong. The more Janet thought about it, the more she realized she could have both. She could be a famous archeologist and a perfect loving mother. She convinced Jack and endured 9 miserable months, working right up until she went into preterm labor and delivered a son. She was exhausted and angry at how long the whole ordeal took. Janet held her son for the first time and felt a kind of weary fondness. Her Timothy wasn’t exactly cute and he screamed like a banshee but he was hers and they were both going to have to get used to it.

-

Jack had not been too crazy about the idea of keeping the baby. He’d disliked children even when he had been one. Even though they had exorbitant amounts of wealth, kids were still money suckers and he wasn’t looking forward to paying for toys and diapers. Plus they’d need to settle down back in Gotham, back where Jack really didn’t want to be and watch as his kid grew up to be another lazy, rich brat. Janet talked him around eventually, selling him on the idea that they’d do it better. That they could still have their travels while also raising a normal kid. He suffered right alongside Janet through her pregnancy and was almost relieved when her water broke while they were hunched over some broken bits of poverty. Jack smoked a whole pack of cigarettes and had two beers before he was allowed back to see his wife and new kid. It was a boy, Tim was small and red and screamed and squirmed like crazy. His first thought was that adoption was still an option. But Janet seemed determined to see this through so he buckled in and told himself that different wasn’t bad.

-

They mostly stayed in Gotham the first few years of Timothy’s life. Janet really tried to combine the best of both worlds her son came from. They took him to the opera and little art theater, to galas and the circus though the less said about that mess, the better. She didn’t know what was normal for kids but Tim never seemed to stop screaming or sleep. That boy wailed at the top of his lung at all hours of the night, tuckering out only as the sun rose before starting up again a short while later. No one could blame her for hiring nanny after nanny to care for him just to escape the noise. She felt a bit guilty but sometimes, late at night listening to her son yell down the hall, she wondered if Jack was right and they should have aborted. Speaking of Jack, the tension from Tim and being in Gotham put the first real cracks in their relationship. When it wasn’t all fun, Jack became surly, sarcastic and it wasn’t as cute as it had been in college. He didn’t want to help with Tim, just hired more caretakers and spent more time away from the house doing god knows what. Her mother’s warning at her wedding came back to her and Janet swore that No, she would win at marriage and motherhood and prove her mother wrong.

-

Jack really wasn’t built for fatherhood. By god, did that kid ever shut up? What was the baby even screaming about anyway? It’s not like he ever went hungry or didn’t have enough toys like Jack remembered growing up. There was a sense of pride in being able to provide for his son but it was steadily worn down by the day to day challenges of sharing a house with a fussy baby. He and Janet fought more, their screams right in time with Tim’s like they were the Von Trapp family singers. He didn’t get why Janet was so mad for him not helping more with the kid, it’s not like he knew what to do to get Tim to settle down. Like, he loved his kid. Jack tossed him around and helped him toddle around but when you had money why did he have to do everything? Why not hire people to do that for them while he and Janet did their own thing? She started frowning at him more than she smiled and he was reminded for all that she was a rebel, she was also a princess. Her presence became more irritating.

-

Once Tim was old enough that it wouldn’t appear negligent to leave him, they started taking trips again. At first just for a few days but then they became a week, then two then more. Tim was always left in the best possible hands, highly recommended nannies, expensive day cares and later posh boarding schools. Janet felt like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders, then would feel guilty and call to check on Timmy. Whenever they spoke, he seemed ecstatic to hear from her, excitement she wouldn’t get if she saw him every day. He babbled about his hobbies, his friends and she would secretly relax. Because she was doing it right, she’d been brought up under suffocating circumstances. Timothy had all the wealth but none of it’s trappings. He didn’t need to dress up and be paraded around, he could eat pizza and wear sweatpants and be a little weirdo. She bragged to her friends about her son’s grades, about his independence but she really didn’t care what others had to say about her boy. As long as he was safe and happy, then Janet would be too. If only her marriage to Jack would improve as well.

When Tim was 11 or so, another curve ball hit them. Her brother died of a sudden stroke, stress related the doctors said. He’d been the CEO and majority shareholder of Drake Industries, the company that gave them their wealth. Suddenly, there was a void where a Drake was needed. Janet had always enjoyed taking from DI but now she had to give back to it. She began taking time off from travels to settle the company which only put her further at odds with her husband. He was an incompetent businessman and to save the company, she cut him out of the decision making. Jack became a nightmare, being unsupportive and aggressive, trying to muscle his way back into the proceedings but she held her ground. The more time passed, the more Janet had to realize her mother was right. She was approaching middle age with a precocious son, a failing company and a husband she was learning to hate.

-

Jack had been counting the days until they could, legally and socially, leave Tim with an appropriate caretaker and get out of Gotham. He’d be there for Tim when he was older, more interesting. When they could talk about girls and cars and sports. Until then, Jack had no interest in stick figure drawings and smudgy fingerprints. So they traveled again and it was good again for a while. He found he couldn’t lose himself to the thrill quite so much, he wasn’t a young man anymore. At various moments, he’d wonder how little Timmy was faring at home, had made his fair share of panicked calls to the nanny just to make sure Tim was okay and hear his voice. He loved Janet, well mostly but there was special kind of parental love he felt for his son and sometimes it aggravated him. Tim didn’t turn out quite how Jack expected, he wasn’t some asshole rich boy like he’d feared. He was small, squirrely, had the strangest hobbies and was, frankly, a really weird kid. But Jack loved him dammit, weirdness and all. He’d teach the kid how to play football or something normal during their next break home.

But then Janet’s brother died and dumped the company straight into their laps. Now Jack would forever be grateful to DI for funding their lifestyle but actually managing it was a pain in the ass. At first, he and Janet were gonna do it as a team like always but she quickly butted him out. She brushed off his ideas, made decisions on her own and soon was doing everything. It burned at him, to be dismissed. Once more, he felt like the poor boy outsider, that he couldn’t possibly run a big company like Drake Industries. It had been happening for a while now but Jack was rapidly falling out of love with his wife.

-

While Jack and Janet were busy running DI, finding new ways to hate each other and squeezing in the occasional archeological trip, Tim Drake was coming into his own without them. He knew his parents loved him, they just had other things to do and so did he. Tim wasn’t worried about their trip to Haiti, they’d been on a million trips and he was busy learning to be Robin anyway. His mother’s death and father’s injury gutted him. He cried and wailed like he’d been told he did a lot as a baby but he knew he was grieving not his parents as they were but the potential family they could have been. It took Tim a long time to realize that his parents did love him but they weren’t perfect. They prioritized themselves over him, were distant and bland and made no real attempts to get to know him. He thinks to himself its maybe why he was so drawn to the Bats, it was the closest thing to a normal family he saw on a daily basis.

Tim Drake is a sum of many parts. His parents may be gone now but their traits live on in him. He is his father’s black hair and widows peak, his mother’s sharp nose and crooked ears. His eyes a blend of mom’s flinty grey and dad’s ashy blue. He has his mother’s Jewish faith and his father’s walnut allergy. His stubbornness and bossiness came from watching Janet and his practiced charm and manipulation straight from Jack. From both of them he learned how to be alone, how to get things done and how to put his vast amounts of free time to use. What he didn’t learn from them was how to be a family but that was okay, he had other teachers for that.

[vagueiish]

what exactly is one supposed to do about accepting things you can't control when the thing you can't control is a person who is actively fucking over many people, including children?

[sunshinechay]

Oh so she’s one of those parents…yikes

[pepprs]

doing really bad in ways i can’t talk about which is making it worse

[jvzebel-x]

🦋

[redstrewn]

I wonder if vere doesnt get w anyone bc its just too easy to stop caring about others (im projecting)

Edit: no hes probably too passionate for that. He doesnt wanna get w ppl bc he knows he'll be a slave to love probably.

His fatal flaw is wanting power so love would be a weakness

[sensitivegoblin]

life update

therapy is going really good, i think im actually gonna be able to make a change.

thank you all for staying with me throughout all of this and bigger thank you to the close friends that were there up close for the bad

[professionaljester]

how the fuck do people make friends online lol

[foxgirlmoth]

So my life is feeling like its on an upward swing since this is my final semester for my associates, I'm starting a new job real soon and also possibly have a really nice remote job if I hear back from a few places I recently applied to.

And it always terrifies me when good stuff starts happening.

Change is really hard for me especially when it feels like its all at once. With better pay comes the opportunity to leave my parent's house finally and move in with a girl who has lovingly stolen my heart. With my school behind me I can find better jobs even!

But at the same time, its just. So scary for me. What if I can't keep up my part of rent. What if my chronic pain or ADHD or other disabilities put a strain on someone I love to my core, and I end up making things worse because I get extremely emotional and will scream (at myself mostly) and panic during these high stress times (especially if money is involved)

I've had a 'safety net' of family members who barely tolerate the fake me I present myself as, and I know my mental health is going to be so much better when I'm not around them, but at the same time I need so much help sometimes. Family just happens to help in terms of shelter and food. It also doesn't help that the one other time I moved out it ended so so poorly that I'm still working through that trauma.

Hurting the love of my life in any way fucking terrifies me. I want nothing but the best for her always always always. I just know I can't always be at my best, its impossible to be. I will break at some point and probably scream and cry about how things aren't going nearly to plan and I'm so weak so often I don't know if I can pull myself together fast enough to not hurt myself or her with my untrue words.