#screaming into the void once again apologies to the like. ten people who follow me lmao

[ellitx]

So if you’ve been following me in my alt account, @bard-twins​, some of you may have known or seen I’m head over heels for Kosma in Honkai Impact. The past months I’ve been brain rotting a lot about Kosma and Senti being added in Genshin and I have this concept where you will have a harem with Venti, Kosma, and Senti.

So a little disclaimer there’s a lot of lore included here even though it’s not yet indicated in the archon quest. Some are not accurate to the genshin lore because of undetermined orders of events, so if you spot any, I apologize for that. And this is really long. It’s over 4k words so here’s a summary if you don’t want to read the whole thing. 

Do note this is only the FIRST part. I don’t know how many parts it will take but yes.

TLDR for the first part; 

Reader wields the Light/Whitenight element thru ley lines

Senti is one of the 10 Sovereigns of Celestia and she wields the Void/Evernight element

Second Throne of Heavens/Second Who Came is the highest supreme being in Teyvat

Celestia kidnapped reader to use her ley line energy as a weapon

Senti turned against Celestia and dragged reader out of there and fled to Fontaine

A giant red pillar appeared in Fontaine borders and a plague occurred where crops wither and people get sick

Fatui searches for Senti but was too late when Senti was held in a trial by hydro archon

Debate but instead it’s battle with blades and water

Senti and reader escape once again but encountered another special guest

And a TLDR diagram for the entire concept (spoilers i guess for the relationship chart): 

World of Genshin

Credits: u/LiterallyUsername2

warning: don’t click the relationship chart link if you don’t want to be spoiled

Relationship chart 

10 Sovereigns of Celestia

Let’s start off with reader. I would like the s/o to be similar to one of my stories, Illusory Sense, however, there’s a canon divergence where the flow of the story would go somewhere else.

You managed to escape from the tower and followed the former Dendro archon’s loyal entities, djinn, however right as you were about to question them, a conflict of Venti catching up stopped you from doing so. Just as he was about to lash out at the entity of taking you from him, an unknown person— who serves as one of Celestia’s “eyes”— intervened and knocked everyone out with a mere clap. 

Waking up, you found yourself in an unknown place where everything was dark and ten thrones were in front of you. As you struggled to stand up, you found yourself chained. Both of your ankles and wrists were handcuffed and the chains rattled, alerting everyone in the room.

“Oh! She’s awake!” An excited voice chimed amidst the dark room.

“Calm yourself and don’t do any foolish actions lest she’ll break free.” Another voice joined in.

“‘Course I know that! Hmph, you think I can’t handle doing something as simple as this?!” You felt your wrist and ankle crushing from the excruciating tightness of the cuffs. You screamed in pain and cried, begging the holder to stop.

“Boo… She’s a weakling and here I was thinking she might have possessed strong powers for you to take her here.” 

A clicking of heels echoed throughout the hallway. You don’t have the energy to look up but you can sense a strong and intimidating presence looming over your fragile form. An obsidian collared shoe came into your vision, and you would’ve thought you were looking down at the abyss if it weren’t for the harsh light impaling your eyes.

You squinted and slowly looked up until you were met with ruby eyes glinting in a childlike excitement yet with a hint of… enmity.

—

Now let’s move on to the crowd favorite, Sentience or Senti! I still have no idea what her alternative genshin name would be but I’m gonna call her Senti for now for our own convenience. 

Senti was tasked by the rest of the higher-ups to keep an eye on you. It took a massive convincing (whining and throwing tantrums) for them to let her do this because she was bored and there was nothing interesting going on up in the sky. She doesn’t want to be with Aponia and Kosma is still somewhere unknown doing his own thing. 

While she drags you like a doll, she tells you about what it’s like in Celestia. She often slides in to at least bully you once in a while to express how much she envies you, no physical harm just mocking you and calling you a weak mortal. She’s never scared to tell what she feels and she’s very straightforward in admitting she’s jealous of you because all the rest of the gods often talk about you.

This makes you anxious and at the same time keep your guard up if you’ve done something to anger them. You’re simply a human and the daughter of the God of Storms. You’ve been asleep for almost a millennium and the rest was history. 

It’s hard to tell how long you’ve been up here in Celestia but at least you’re safe and still in one piece. You tried to gather information by exploring around and talking to some of the envoys. Some were kind enough to tell you the simplest things about Celestia and about the higher-ups and you managed to get a few names, most especially about Senti, who is by far, the youngest god among the 10 Sovereignty. 

The envoys told you that if you happen to encounter one of them, never, and they mean never, say something that goes against their orders and beliefs. In short, keep your lips sealed and talk when necessary. It’s best to keep a distance from them except that Senti clings to you like a koala and follows you around like a little duckling. 

Although she’s childish and often throws tantrums, the envoys know not to mess with her in fear she turns them into specs of dust with her illusive cataclysm and insanely powerful void abilities. This got you interested and at the same time scared to know that she possesses a unique power you never heard of. 

By far you only know about the seven elements so perhaps this “void” element is only exclusive to the gods in Celestia. It’s hard to get away from Senti, more so get along with her– but you thankfully managed to get close to her after resting and meditating in the garden of gods. From what you can get she’s like a child despite being the older one between you and her. 

The longer you stay up in the sky, the more valuable information you have gathered.

The 10 Sovereignty who reside in Celestia are the important figures– not only in this floating palace but the entirety of Teyvat. There is this one god who is called the “Second Throne of Heavens”. The 10 Sovereigns and the Second Throne barely make any contact with one another and the 10 Sovereigns leave it as it is and never question their absence. 

One thing they must uphold is this order given to them long ago even predating the archon war: “The heavenly order”

Although The Seven also visited Celestia long ago, they barely make any contact with the 10 Sovereigns and have little idea about them. The orders are arranged not in strengths, but in their capabilities of ruling.

Sustainer of Heavenly Principles (Unknown God)

Unknown 

Unknown

Unknown

Kosma

Unknown

Unknown

Unknown

Unknown

Senti

While Senti talks about them, she often complains that they never pay attention to her and keep brushing her off whenever she invites them for a battle with her. But when they need her help, they will order the messengers to pester her until she abides and they won’t leave her alone. She’s not stupid that they want her to use her powers to get rid of those so-called hindrances they’ve been discussing which after that they’ll snatch her void powers if she dares go against the order.

The last thing she wanted was to be thrown away. Her relationship with the rest of the seats has grown bitter and distant. The only ones she’s attached to are Kosma and the Throne of Heavens.

When you asked Senti about the heavenly orders even she has no idea what you’re talking about— or perhaps she’s just bored and never cared to listen about all this “heavenly order” shenanigans the rest of the 10 Sovereigns are discussing. 

Senti: “I don’t care about those kinds of stuff. But whatever the Throne of Heavens says for me to do it, then I’m willing to do it.”

As more weeks have gone by, Senti often comes to you and talks whatever comes to her mind. You listened to her talk and smiled seeing her happy and bright when she showed off one of her “cool tricks”. It is then later on where the divine messenger was being requested by the sovereigns that Senti must meet with them. Half of the sovereigns were absent and only five of them were there. One of the gods asked Senti about you.

Senti: “[Name]? I don’t know what you want me to say but she’s ordinary and normal as the rest of those little humans below.”

[Redacted]: “Do you sense any strange energy around her?”

Senti: “Energy… I guess the unusual thing that happened was when I used one of my illusions on her. She didn’t seem stirred about it.”

[Redacted]: “…the ley line energy is still present…”

Senti knew this discussion would bore her to death until they reached a point of a topic that caught her surprise. She cannot not listen to what they’re saying when they mentioned you being the most important instrument for the operation the sovereigns have been devising for centuries.

You’re simply a “weapon” for the Celestia hence why they kidnapped you. 

An object and a tool in their eyes. 

Ever since the former Dendro Archon, the God of Woods, has injected the everlasting sap (a sap from the Irminsul tree) into your body, ley line energy has come into you and stored everything there. A hundred years later after the Dendro Archon infused you with the sap, Celestia noticed the unusual flow of the ley lines that were directing. 

Realizing the plans of the former Dendro Archon challenging them, they sent the Skyfrost nail to destroy and damage the Frost Bearing Tree in Sal Vindagnyr and half of the ley line stored in you has diminished.

Enraged from hearing the plans of Celestia, Senti turned her back against them and assisted you in fleeing the palace. Without giving thorough thinking of where they were going, both of you ended up in Fontaine. 

The 4 present sovereigns in Celestia ordered the divine envoys to capture the fugitives, and if the archons happen to see these two, they must capture them immediately and hand them over. This is where Chapter 4 archon quest (Fontaine) will take place.

Bonus: (a little preview before we go to Fontaine arc)

Traveler meeting Liben in Sumeru. 

Liben: We meet again, lassie/lad! Would you like to join once again in my business? Since traveling to Fontaine, my business abruptly went downhill! Oh woe is me…

Traveler: What happened there?

Liben: As I look for business opportunities there, rumors have spread across the city that a young merchant was selling valuable items! I paid no heed at first but when customers stopped coming by in my place, I decided to investigate what was going on and the business trend occurring in Fontaine. And I might as well study their business strategy.

Traveler: Were you able to find out how?

Liben: Hah hah, indeed I have! A big chook was there with that merchant dressed up as her with those silly dark glasses, and another young girl with a robe was there. 

Liben: I must say that pet of theirs does the carrying for their business given how cute it is and they get to have free photos with it if they bought items that totalled over eighty thousand mora.

Traveler: That’s a big sum of money to spend on just to have a free photoshoot with the mascot… Maybe Paimon will gain a lot of attraction if we do it as well.

Paimon: Hey!

Liben: It seemed like that merchant's friend was stopping her instead of endorsing those valuable artifacts they have in store…

Liben: Everyone thought they were putting on a show so more and more people gathered in to buy their items because of their comedic duo. Ah, to be defeated by a newbie merchant, how could I let this happen…

Liben: As I searched through what items they have, they were all nothing but ordinary everyday items you can find everywhere. At first I thought they’re copying my business but the merchant tried to sell the “Blessing of Prosperity” to me, saying that if I whisper my wishes onto that orb my wishes will be granted. But I’m no fool to fall for their tricks despite how tempting it is to get that item!

Liben: As I search further and further, my eyes cannot believe what I saw…

Traveler: What did you see?

Liben: It was a 20% discount of the long lost artifact that belonged to one of the gods Celestia. Rumors say that only those people who are recognized by the heavens will be gifted with this. Only heroes can receive such a gift and no one has been given this for a thousand years so how in the world did this merchant get their hands on it?

Liben: And so I bought it thinking I should put up a museum instead in Fontaine to attract customers. If this lassie has precious items in their hands, then there must be more to it. So I decided to offer if she wants my business partner but the girls quickly declined it…

Liben: I was so entranced on dreaming about my possible business career and the next thing I knew, the stall was surrounded with angry mobs demanding they give their mora back. Unfortunately, before they could apprehend them, the bird and the merchant escaped with her carrying the other girl.

Traveler: …You’ve been scammed aren’t you?

Liben: It was all a hoax I say! A hoax! Ugh… back to square one again with my business… Fortunately I still have the artifact in my hands so I can have some professionals check if this is a real deal.

Liben: Wait a minute…

Traveler: What’s wrong?

Liben: The artifact… it’s gone!

A huge red pillar somewhere outside the Fontaine borders caused a huge uproar amongst the Sumeru scholars and Fontaine citizens. This is a huge piece of evidence that you and Senti were here. Some scholars presumed this must be a warning of a furious wrath of Celestia whereas others speculated it must have come beneath the surface signifying an archon’s power. But it seems out of place if this belonged to the dendro archon or the hydro archon and so the traveler was commissioned by the Adventurer’s Guild in Fontaine to investigate the sudden appearance of the red pillar.

While you and Senti were there, you told her to keep a low profile and not attract any attention. You have experienced being a fugitive back when your father ordered the knights to look for you and your mother, Amos, and bring you back to the tower so you have a clear idea of how to survive and bypass this current alerted nation. 

Things didn’t go as planned when Senti decided to stray paths with you and admire the city of Fontaine. You can’t blame her for that, although the place is beautiful and it’s her first time stepping foot on the surface, you still need to keep up your guard and not get caught and raise suspicion.

Long story short: Senti started a business on the spot using her illusions to earn some mora and when the reports of scamming were raised in the heart of Fontaine, suspicion had arisen among the guards, and caught her red-handed for performing frauds.

The investigation team also concluded that the giant red pillar outside the city has the same energy as Senti’s so they want to interrogate her if she knows anything about the cause of the sudden plague however it was fruitless when she feigned having no idea which then they assumed she’s also another foreign merchant visiting Fontaine and/or victim of the unusual red energy emitting from it. 

They don’t have enough evidence and clues to point out where it came from even though they hired Sumeru scholars to investigate it. The Fatui on the other hand was the first one to identify that the abrupt appearance of the red pillar and the cause of the plague belonged to Senti. Confidential reports have been sent to one of the harbingers that it belonged to her and they made their move to find that merchant again before the hydro archon’s guards could take her for another interrogation. 

Unfortunately, Senti was under arrest and will be sent to a trial for fraud marketing. 

Senti did try to use her illusions as an escape, but because of the foreign environment and due to unknown circumstances, her abilities were inoperative and futile to use against them thus leading you and her to be caught. 

When hydro archon received reports about Senti’s arrest, she told the court she’ll be holding a trial with herself included to confirm her suspicions.

The rumors of the hydro archon holding a trial in the Court of Fontaine alerted the traveler and so they went up to check on what was happening and were surprised to see you there confronting the hydro archon and defending Senti. 

Just when Senti attempted to escape, the archon entangled her with water chains and commanded all soldiers to apprehend the criminal.

The hydro archon knows well that the giant red pillar that emerged outside Fontaine belongs to Senti since she’d seen her before on one of her visits to Celestia. Because of its presence and usual energy flowing around it, the soil and vegetation in the area had a distinctive color, while unusual murky plants thrived on the surface. As a result, people who come near it get sick and the crops become poisonous. 

With all this evidence presented and shown, the god of justice gave her final verdict. 

Focalor: A traitor among the heavenly principles… those who go against the heavens must be torn down.

Reader: Let her go!

Time went slow for you as she slammed the gavel onto the wood. Drops of water began to sip out of her hands. 

Focalor: The world has enough for everyone's needs, but not everyone's greed.

Clones of the hydro archon formed and half jumped onto you to pin you to the ground whereas the remaining clones grabbed Senti and put her in front of the judge.

Focalor: God of Sentience and 10th seat of Celestia, you shall be incarcerated as ordered by the heavens themselves.

Reader: Stop it! 

The hydro archon pulled the chain tighter and an excruciating scream of pain echoed across the court as Senti’s bones cracked and her skin wounded from the harsh contact despite being in a form of water. 

Focalor: To oppose the gods among the gods, was this an act of impulsive justice or a mere foolish move to rebel against your kins?

More chains linked to your ankles and wrists and a heavy weight of force pushed you down onto the ground.

Focalor: Justice must prevail.

The hydro archon manipulated the chains which followed along in twisting your limbs as if they’ll be pulled apart in any second the more she tugs it.   

You weren’t going to let the hydro archon hurt Senti and you weren’t going to let the God of Justice send her back to Celestia. 

Focalor: The 10th seat of heaven is a failure.

Reader: No…

Focalor: The heavens are enraged because of her childish wishes.

Reader: Senti’s not a failure!

Reader: She’s not a shadow! She’s…

The loneliness of being left behind…

Reader: She’s a child who yearns for approval and support by the gods…

Senti has always been putting up a strong front, but you know well deep within her is a lost and fragile heart. A lonely child…

When you first met her, she was constantly burning with rage and jealousy about you, throwing questions at you every minute with interrogative eyes. If someone disagrees with her, she’ll tell them they’re wrong and does her signature thumbs-down as the void swallows them whole. 

The whole world will start to twist and turn into a massive vortex and threads of light will fly out, putting them in a trial.

Ever since she’s been part of the Ten Sovereigns, she was treated as “special”— someone who’s not part of the circle but above it. But that’s just like being abandoned. 

But as you stayed longer with her, the rage in her heart diminished and you grew to understand more deeply about her. 

Reader: If you think she’s unfit to create a world fit for humanity, loving and humane, then you’re wrong. 

Unbeknownst to you, a surge of energy flooded through your veins. The water chains broke and shattered into pieces and the water in command coming from the hydro archon altered as it directly followed your movements. 

Focalor made a water pillar and at the same time countless amounts of hydro swords and spears formed to attack you. 

Focalor: No amount of struggles can change the result.

The hairs on your arm and neck stood up in a panic when it came close contact with your face; however, a shot of red and black elemental energy managed to stop it from slaughtering you. 

Senti: I don’t care about the sovereigns or being a god and any of that celestial nonsense. 

Her red eyes glared brightly as she smirked mockingly at Falcor and scowled at her.

Senti: If you’re gonna lay a hand on [Name],

With the remaining energy and strength she could muster, Senti summoned her own abysmal pillars, chains, and black blades out of thin air and pointed them toward the hydro archon.

 Senti: Then you’re gonna have to get through me first!

As the blades and weapons lunged to the archon, she formed a water bubble to protect the citizens outside of the courtroom to block off and ricochet the weapons out of the way, creating a sole fighting area using her hydro mimics.

A black feather then came into sight. Distracted, Focalor didn’t notice an illusion of Senti appeared behind her and a loud boom of the clone exploded before her, giving you enough time to break Senti free from the hydro chains.

Senti: [Name] changed me and I know for sure she’ll change many ones as well. 

Raising her arm up, dark clouds covered the sky and rain started pouring.  

Senti: From today onwards, I want to travel with her and see the progress of this world. So…

Blue roots were visible on the ground and they were all directed to your body as the energy transferred within you. Closing your eyes to focus on balancing the power of light, a merge of a continuous blur of colors of red, white, and black came into view as it shot ahead at breathtaking speed.

Senti: …we’re not gonna easily surrender and give in to the likes of you!

Together with the light and void fused into one, fiery white and red flames ignited the blade of the great sword. The hydro archon’s eyes widened and formed another great wave and mimics of hands to deter your powerful blow. 

The giant hand increased in size until it was enough to block off the unfamiliar element and cage you and Senti together in its palm.

Focalor: Your ideals can never be allowed by the heavens because this world will always be a cycle. Our fates have been already decided from the start in our constellations through Loom of Fate!

A beam of bright light strikes through the palm causing it to lose its form as the water drops fall onto the surface.

Up in the air, more and more black and white energy flowed through each respective element. Senti can feel her powers regain and together with your ley line energy flowing, she can create a more powerful red pillar and chains to strike through any of the hydro archon’s mimics. 

Senti: Mortals enjoyed untold wisdom, and that wisdom was their boon.

Senti charged the spear forward with all her might and the red clouds spread even more across the sky, covering the entire nation.  

Reader: Their prosperity brought pride and ambition, and the mind to question. 

A giant orb of light assembled on your palms and you raised your arms to gather more ley line energy onto it to manipulate all forms of liquid into one colossal water drop.

Senti: For to question eternity was forbidden, for earth to challenge sky, inexpiable. 

Senti: That’s what we always remind ourselves… If the gods are infallible, 

In unison, you and Senti charged headfirst forward to Focalor for another powerful dynamic and immense strike.

Senti: Then it’s my turn to break off this cycle and re-weave the threads of fate!

Furious yet not giving up when she’s on the vulnerable side, the archon created more endless constructs and threw the weapon mimics at you, and right before it could impair you and Senti and sent the rest of the people flooding, you blocked off her great wave with another light energy you managed to gather.

You know you won’t be able to hold it longer due to limited energy but it was great timing the traveler came to block it off. With all your energy and strength spent to rebel against the God of Justice, your body collapsed and Senti was quick to catch you in time in her arms. It was a win on your side as Focalor was ultimately defeated by the 10th seat of Heavens and a mortal girl. While the archon is still fallen, the traveler took this as a chance to drag them out and escape the bubble of the Court of Fontaine. 

More and more people have come into the scene including Fatuis.

Paimon: What— what was that?!

Traveler: Less talking, more running!

The hydro archon knows not to challenge the heavenly principles and knowing the risk of letting these fugitives escape when they’re right before her nose, she must abide Celestia’s orders and capture them in whatever means.

—

Senti: That rascal! I swear once I see her again, I’m gonna plum her to death and I’ll show no mercy!

Although you and the traveler and Senti were able to escape from the hands of the Hydro archon, Senti sensed the presence of a divine envoy following them. Right before she could throw her spear at them, the world went still and the sound of fingers snapping can be heard. Out of nowhere a strong force of energy was keeping them in place as they were pinned helplessly on the ground. 

The grasses withered and a murky dark cloud surrounded them as the dew of grass evaporated in an instant when a foot came into sight before them. You could feel your bones cracking from the immense pressure and intensity of the gravity pulling you down. Even if you tried to move your limbs, it was futile.

Senti’s face paled when she saw the familiar ability. She doesn’t know whether she’ll sigh in relief or panic knowing who the owner of this strong power is. Looking up with hazy eyes, her speculation was correct when familiar expressionless golden eyes looked down at her.

“Kosma…”

The 10th Sovereign grunted and glared at him, emotions within her red eyes were mixed with betrayal, confusion, and misery. 

“Kosma, you don’t know what you’re doing! Let go of us! Celestia isn’t what you think it is—!”

The man ignored her cries of distress and shifted his gaze to your limped and disheveled body. A patch of fluorescent flowers and dew grass cushioned your body as pure white energy flowed around your form.

“Take Sentience and that girl back to the palace.”

He ordered the heavenly envoys as he turned his heels and snapped his fingers, summoning a black void to quickly traverse between the heavens and surface. The followers nodded and picked you up and Senti, leaving the traveler alone on the ground.

When the traveler’s body began to recover, they immediately jolted up and chased after you two, however they were too late to grab them and the portal closed as the surroundings turned back to normal— except that the surface was still embedded with dark patches— and time flowed normally. The traveler fell onto their knees, despair taking a toll on them that he wasn’t able to save you and Senti on time. But now was not the time to grieve, from the corner of their eyes, they saw a familiar pendant on the patch of grass with the emblem of your royal family’s crest.

[wilmonism]

wolfstar finding out that their fellow gryffindor is dating regulus, how they react/ how remus calms sirius down maybe? xx

Wolfstar and Regulus? YES PLEASE

I don’t know if by fellow Gryffindor you mean someone specific, but I decided to create an O.C. Let me know if it was not what you wanted.

Also, making Reg queer because the only token straight characters I accept are James and Lily.

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Nervously fidgeting in his seat, Remus stared at the boy in front of him, who was too busy throwing Bertie Botts Beans at James, who was trying to catch them with his mouth. Sirius felt eyes on him and turned to his boyfriend, who blushed under the glance from those beautiful grey eyes.

“Padfoot...” Remus carefully said, his eyes wide and tense. “We need to talk.”

Sirius’ eyes darkened, the bean he was about to throw still in midair. He saw James and Peter glance at each other anxiously, but they chose not to say anything.

“What?” Sirius barked, his voice low and emotionless. Remus did not let it affect him. 

“Not here,” He protested. He signalled the door and soon Sirius was following him. Remus directed them to an empty classroom. Once inside, Sirius let out a dejected sigh and gawked at him.

“Moony...” Sirius cried out, his voice no longer void of emotion, but instead raw with it. Remus was afraid the black-haired boy would start to cry. Remus had not even said anything yet. “Are you going to break up with me?”

The question took Remus off guard. Wide eyes fixated on Sirius, Remus shook his head, at a loss for words. Sirius raised his eyebrows, now confused. Remus smiled at him, sweetly and a sudden expression of anger appeared on Sirius’ face.

“What is so funny!?”

“I’m not going to break up with you, you bloody moron! It’s about Regulus!” 

They talked at the same time and it took them a few seconds to process what they both had said. Sirius’ shoulders relaxed for a minute but then he became tense once again.

“Did you cheat on me with my brother?”

Remus let a scream out of frustration and turned around. He stared at the Quidditch Pitch, visible behind the large windows on the classroom. Remus counted to ten in his head and faced Sirius again, whose expression was wild.

“Why would you think that I cheated on you with your fucking brother?”

The question came out harder than he had expected, but Remus did nothing to change it. He held Sirius’ gaze, who was opening and closing his mouth, apparently not knowing what to say.

“I don’t know! You bring me here, completely out of the blue, and you tell me we need to talk all serious!”

Remus shook his head again but this time he walked towards the boy and grabbed his hand. Sirius almost pulled away but after a minute, relaxed and put his own hand on his face.

“I’m not going to break up with you and I swear to Merlin, I did not cheat on you with Regulus! Or with anyone, for a matter of fact. But especially not with Regulus, that would be gross.”

Remus made a face, which elicited a chuckle from Sirius. “So... why do you need to talk about him?”

Remus froze and his hold on Sirius’ hand tightened. “I... The other day... I was on Prefect’s rounds and... I heard people in a classroom, so I went in.”

“What was he doing? Dark Magic?” Sirius interrupted, his voice cold.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Padfoot! Would you let me finish?” Remus badgered. Sirius apologized and the werewolf continued. “He was with someone. A Gryffindor.” He whispered as if he were afraid the walls were listening. He would not put it past Hogwarts.

“Was he doing the Gryffindor any harm?” Sirius inquired, worry colouring his voice.

Remus shook his head, swallowing the lump on his throat. “Not exactly. Not at all, actually. They were... kissing.”

Kissing was a light word, Remus thought. He had walked in a full make-out session and he did not want to imagine what it would have looked like if he had entered the classroom ten minutes later, but he decided to leave that detail out.

“Kissing?” Sirius croaked, the word strange in his tongue.

“Yes. With a sixth-year Gryffindor.”

Sirius closed his eyes. “Who was she?”

Remus’ cheeks became beet red. “He was Marcus Wilson. You know, Sixth Year, muggle born, blonde, very muscular. Handsome?” Sirius stared at him, bewildered. “I mean... according to the girls. And Regulus, apparently.”

“Regulus likes boys? Gryffindor boys!?” Sirius screamed, and Remus quickly cast Muffliato on the door. 

“I don’t know!” Remus exclaimed, holding Sirius by his shoulders in an attempt to calm him down. “That’s why I’m telling you, you should talk to him. He was so nervous when he saw me, he pleaded me - Sirius, Regulus pleaded me not to tell anyone. He was afraid.”

“I’m not talking to him!” Sirius snapped. 

“Sirius! Don’t you see? He was making out...” Sirius made a shocked noise on the back of his throat. Remus ignored it. “...with a Gryffindor boy. That means that he is not like your family. That means that maybe he is more like... well, you.”

Sirius, who had started walking around the classroom, stopped and stared at Remus, helplessly. “Do you think so?”

Remus walked over to Sirius and enveloped him in a tight hug. “I’m 90% sure. And I know you care about him and I know how it feels to pretend to be something or someone you are not. You know it too...” Remus trailed off, gazing at their joined hands. “If there is anyone who can help Regulus understand that there is nothing wrong with him, it is his older brother. It is you.”

Sirius did not immediately answer. Instead, he moved his head away from Remus’ neck and looked up at him. Suddenly, his lips were on Remus’. Remus kissed back, eagerly. When they pulled apart, Sirius smiled at him and softly said, “I’m so glad you are not breaking up with me.”

Remus let out a loud laugh.

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Ok, so I don’t exactly know what this is but I’m not really unhappy about it. So, there you go.

[thewhumpstuff]

Flashback

Flashback - [So, this got longer than I intended. It probably needs to be cruelly edited. But, nah. I’m just going to throw it into the void!

@badthingshappenbingo​​ [Original Characters and content for - Reopening an Old Wound] Whumptober Day: No. 6 - Please -   “Get it out!” No more. “Stop, please!” [Sorta all three] �� Ten Trails: Heart and Soul (2)- Repressed memories [@yuckwhump​] CW/TW: Uncomfortable invasion of the mind. References to interrogation, captivity and potential torture. Reference to implied bullying in the OC’s past. [Please let me know if I missed anything] [I don’t think there is anything triggering about the abstract art, hopefully, so its just out here. FYI-That is a man casually ‘caught up’ in his brain.]

Zach drummed an arrhythmic beat against the edge of his table, when the door to his office slid upon and the framework framed Akira like a painting, “Ah, good! You’re here. I’ve been led to believe you possess a unique set of skills and are the perfect candidate to... solve a little problem I’ve chanced upon. Shall we?”  She wasn’t given a chance to make her way into his office. Within a moment, he was already crowding her. Zach shepherded her towards a vehicle. They rode in uncomfortable silence. There weren’t too many people who could set Akira on edge, but Zach was definitely one of them. She assumed it was because she couldn’t get a read on him. And the tenebrous past he shared with Jared. The vehicle pulled up and she almost opened her side of the door into Zach’s crotch, accidentally. She stopped herself just in time, leaving the door slightly ajar. With a soft huff of disappointment and impatience, Zach opened it all the way and waited for her to step out. Akira really wasn’t accustomed to this level of archaic chivalry. The silence continued to loom as they walked past the wired fence, to the decommissioned lab. It was marked for repair and rennovation. As they rounded to the door, he went on to warn her, with feigned concern, that did fool her. “This is not going to be easy. It certainly isn’t for me, but I trust you know, that as Amity Enforcers, it's our duty to defend the goals of the Global Confederate. ”

Her brows knitted and her eyes narrowed, but she nodded. They made their way inside. Their footsteps echoed in the vacant reception area and continued to click as they walked through the lobby and the labyrinth of corridors. The first couple of floors had already been revamped and restored. From the corner of her eyes, she noted the silhouettes of wrapped equipment. She recognized them with ease, some were bots for medical procedures, others were devices typically used for research… on human subjects. They were flush against the walls haphazardly. He led her into a softly lit room, and stopped by two-sided mirror. The other side was dark. Akira stared at their reflections.  In retrospect, the sincerity in Zach’s expressions, would surprise her. Another guilty reassurance followed. It felt like he was setting her up for some kind of a climax,  “I assure you, I’ve done my due diligence, and grave apologies that I wasn’t able to get to him before the others. He’s a little roughed up. Needless to say, he’ll be fixed up. Perhaps you can help with that too…” Zach fiddled with something that looked like a keypad touch screen. Bright fluorescent lights illuminated the room beyond the mirror. Akira did a double-take and didn’t realise she was holding her breath. Jared. She didn’t need to see his face to recognize him. He didn’t have a shirt on and his pants looked scruffy. Angry, fresh bruises covered most of the skin that she could see. Cuffs cinched his wrists behind his back. His cheek sat in a small pool of blood. Crimson that leaked from a cut lip and from his nose. His chest rose and fell erratically. Jared didn’t react to the lights. He was either asleep… Or just unconscious. Zach’s little roughed up didn’t exactly do justice.

 She couldn’t tear her eyes off Jared, but she found her voice and addressed Zach in an indignant hiss, “What the fuck is this?” Zach ran gloved fingers through his silken strands, “I told you this wasn’t going to be easy. I recognize that your relationship, predisposes you to defend him. To take his side. And that’s good. Because-” Aki interrupted him through grit teeth, “Get to the point damnit. What reason do you have to hold him like this?” She found it very hard to maintain composure. Her eyes still riveted on Jared, till Zach’s fingers found Akira’s jaw. He held it to force her to turn and look at him. She did turn, but also jerked away from his hand. He didn’t press for contact. Zach’s voice darkened. It got colder and softer with a bridled rage, “I’m going to let that tone slide. Compelling evidence has surfaced, that declares him responsible for the death of my mother… and my subsequent capture. And that he either is, or was associated with SpecSyn.” His tone reminded her of the chilly one that Jared assumed, when he had reason to truly mean whatever threat he was uttering. The comparison was unsettling. Zach went on, “And I’d like very much to believe this evidence is bogus, because I don’t want it to be true. As much as you probably don’t. We grew up together, him and I. We trained in G.C.A together, served in Sector Nine together… ” She noticed a sort of hurt in Zach’s eyes. The kind of pain that screamed betrayal. For the briefest of moments it made her trust him, as he went on talking, “And I’m doing my very best to not fall prey to my anger… Akira. So please… help me. Help me wipe these allegations once and for all. You convince me, and I’ll take care of the rest.” Akira sounded hesitant, she was processing everything a little too slowly to immediately recognize what Zach wanted. So she defended Jared rather simply, “Look, I don’t know what to tell you, he never told me anything-” Zach’s voice changed to something practical and detached again, like this was just any other mission detail. This also reminded her of Jared. “No, of course he didn’t. Despite how intimate you two are, I doubt he would’ve trusted you with anything important, or too personal. He’s always been an agent first… Apparently, just not for G.C.” She could sense that he was provoking her now and instilling doubt again… Somewhat successfully.  Jared had always been rather tight-lipped. Even more so around the subject of the events that led to Azrael’s death and his missions. They’d argued about it on more than one occasion. Now was not the time to get hung up on the way the truth of his words stung. She turned her back to Jared and leaned against the two-way mirror. Zach went on, “Frankly, I’m surprised you didn’t simply-” She challenged with another interruption, eager to defend the relationship he sounded so dismissive about. “What? Just read him? Relationships don’t work like that, Zach... I trust him. Still do. Always will.” Her heart sank when she finally realised what the man wanted. And he made quick work of confirming Akira’s assumptions, “Well, push has come to shove. And if you trust him so much, you shouldn’t find anything in there-” He rested one hand against the glass of the two-way mirror and tapped it. ‘-In there, that’s too alarming. I say you- and by that I mean we, because we’re running out of options. So, convince me, he truly doesn’t know anything. And I’ll make sure he’s free to go. And you.” And me? She folded her arms across her chest, “I didn’t realise I was not free to go. So what, I’m a prisoner now too?” Zach stepped in closer and placed his other hand on the surface of the mirror behind Akira. Her face was between his palms and she felt a little trapped, by the situation and literally by Zach’s proximity, but she did her best to not show it. He shrugged, “The Jared I  know, would’ve worked alone, but the others would not hesitate to assume your involvement by proxy. And it doesn’t help that you’re a Niner. But, like I’ve said before I’d like to stay on your side, on his side.” She drew in a long shaky breath, her voice fell to an uncertain whisper, “It…. My power doesn’t work like that. It’s not so perfect… I can’t just give you what you want.” He smiled, realising that she’d understood that her options were limited and was at least, considering compliance. “I know how your power works. And I’ll guide you. We’ll have to find a way, for his sake.” Nonetheless, she obviously had to check if there was in fact, any other way. She wasn’t too keen on breaking that sacrosanct trust, “What if I say no?” Zach huffed brusquely, “Then I’ll have no choice but to give the two of you up. I can only buy so much time. They’ll either force a confession false or not... or kill both of you in the process of doing so… So, Akira, I really don’t want to spend our time constantly reminding you, that I’m the only thing standing in the way of a very… very bleak future for both of you.” So, no real choice indeed. A small part of Akira rejoiced and then recoiled with guilt. The part that did want to know all of Jared’s secrets, just so they could clear the air once and for all. The part she’d leashed, with difficulty and upon his insistence- out of respect for what they shared... Another part of her curled up in fear of what she’d actually find. And how she’d hide it from Zach, if it was indeed incriminating. “How do you expect me to convince you?” Zach looked beyond her, presumably at Jared, as he laid out the plan, “To make sure you aren’t lying, I’ll first have you dredge up memories of his time with me, details that I can confirm. Things you’re unlikely to know about, at least not in all their specificity. Then we can work towards the rest. It’ll be a process… But hopefully, Jared gets out of this absolved and we all walk away unharmed. I’ll have Mark monitor your stats when we get to the important stuff. So I’ll know if you’re lying. You know Mark right, I believe you’ve worked with him? That should make all this a little easier...”

-

Carrying a glass of water, painkillers and some tissues, she walked into the cell alone. Her SmartNeura was connected to Zach’s, so he could instruct her without Jared’s knowledge. Jared was still curled on the floor. He had not moved almost at all. His knuckles were unbruised. But his wrists bore evidence of struggle. She gathered that Jared had not resisted arrest and that they’d hurt him after he was already cuffed. Presumably to get quick answers. Knowing him, he must’ve chosen silence. She assumed he was in some drug induced stupor now, she was wrong. “Jared…” He sat up so quickly, she and her heart jumped. “Shira? What the hell are you doing here?” Why did his tone sound accusative? “Z-” Before she could tell him, Zach interrupted her sharply, “No. Don’t name me. He doesn’t need to know of my involvement yet. Tell him someone else asked you for help with the interrogation-Better yet, tell him you heard and volunteered. Keep it vague.” Akira chewed the side of her lips and looked at Jared as intently as she could, she wasn’t sure if he could see truth in her eyes. She went and flopped by his side, cross-legged. And put the water beside him, along with the painkillers and tissues. He picked up the latter to wipe away the blood. She repeated Zach almost word for word, “I…  heard they caught you and volunteered to help.” She was hoping Jared would recognize the foreignness of her words. Unfortunately, given his current state, he either didn’t, or did a damn good job of hiding it. His eyes widened. She knew he was definitely closing in on her intent. And desperately hoping it wasn’t true, just like she had been, just moments ago. “Help how?” She was at a loss of words. Aki jerked her chin towards his head. She really didn’t want to spell it out, “You know… I’ll just… Read and confirm you innoc-” Jared shot up like a spring, and was on his feet. He staggered as he backed away from her. He sounded uncharacteristically flustered, his words as choppy as his faltering steps,  “Why the fuck would you- We’ve gone over this… We agreed- It’s the one thing I’ve asked for- Wait you told them about your- Just…Just… Get outta here and let them do what they want. You don’t need to get involved. Why would they believe you anyway?” He kept shuffling away as he talked, to literally stay out of her reach. Till he had nowhere left to go. Akira didn’t move towards him, she remained on the floor and stared at it. She wanted to yell. To let him know in no uncertain terms that she didn’t want any of this. That she had no choice. That it wasn’t going to be a damn walk in the park for her either. That she’d been summoned. And that she was glad that she’d been called. At least she could buy them some time to figure this out. That she couldn’t, in good faith, just… let them do what they wanted. She sat frozen, screaming internally till Zach was compelled to intervene. He sounded impatient… but Aki could swear, he also sounded mildly delirious, “Tell him, it's too late and you’re already involved. Tell him, he doesn’t have a real choice. Then ask him about Erebus at the C.T.F we did for training at G.C.A. Read the memory that comes up. I’m staring us off easy.”

In his impatience, Zach was revealing himself with every suggestion and Akira was glad that he was. Though she wasn’t sure if Jared was truly catching on, or not. She’d heard him speak of Erebus - now an Acer himself, working in the resources department- and not too fondly. She had nothing specific enough for her to fib her way through this. Akira cleared her throat and repeated Zach’s words, paraphrasing just enough to change the perspective, and couch her question as a memory-trigger, “Look, I’m already here. So this is happening, whether you like it or not. Let’s talk about Erebus. You two were in G.C.A together, right? Did both of you participate in the capture-the-flag game? Were you on the same team?” She hoped that the confusion that flitted on Jared’s face was a sign that he was starting to catch up. He had to have figured out that they were being watched by someone, if not specifically Zach. Jared asked, “Erebus? Why? I’ve barely mentioned him” She made up a lie, now improvising without Zach’s direction, “He’s... A suspect too...” She was grateful that Zach needed to confirm her compliance with… hopefully benign memories. But, with the way Jared tensed up, perhaps even this was not as benign as she was hoping. It’s just C.T.F… How bad could it be? Jared sighed, like he’d curtailed an exasperated warning, “Shira… please just...” After one last look of what she perceived to be despise- aimed either at her, or at the very least at the situation, he closed his eyes. With a dark, heart-rending resignation, he slid against the wall, till he was sitting on the floor with his knees pressed against his chest. She knew he wasn’t the sort to protest once he realised it was futile. She sat there feeling a little paralyzed. There was no going back once she crossed this line. Zach prompted her into action, “Go on! Remember we’re still time-bound. Wordlessly, she inched closer to Jared and set his hands on his exposed arms. -

Lying on the ground, stomach first. The wetness of dewdrops against the cheek. The chilly breeze against a bareback. The smell of damp earth and grass. The blurry sight of the green blades and the soil - shuffling shoes and ankles in the distance.  The recently-cracked awkward husk of a pubescent voice, “This’ll teach you to fucking play decoy for Pixie-dust!” The sound of vague, bitter and cruel jeering. Shoes sliding closer. Fingers curling around wrists and ankles, tightening with a certain envious sourness. The soles of shoes against the back of the knees… and the elbows, with the wobbling, inconsistent, but hurtful pressure. The body, contorts and twists to see the sneering face of the kid who spoke. A raspy, baleful protest, claws out of the throat, “Get your lackeys off me ‘Rebus!” An unavailing struggle that ensues. Another soul pressed against the lower back, with a pathetic finality. And then the sound of the marker, shot at point-blank range. The smarting slap of the bullet splattering between the shoulder blades. The strangled roar, interrupted by another shot… and then another. The headache-inducing grit teeth and set jaw. The metallic tang of blood and the annoying stab of a bitten tongue- completely overshadowed by the aching throb of the back. The burgeoning tenderness and the blooming bruises. Finally, after half a dozen shots, the deafening silence. The splattered, viscous paint, that felt as good as blood, rolling down the sides of the torso. And a soft, defeated whine. The vague thought that this must appear rather comical to an onlooker… but sure didn’t feel that way. -

Jared’s quieter whimper met Akira’s louder groans, they tapered to an uncomfortable silence, first him, then her. She blinked away, the tears that collected on the side of her eyes. When she let go of him, she noticed her fingers had left a print on his pale skin, blanching through a bruise. She had just experienced his memory in first person and forced him to relive it too. Aki could still hear the echo of the shots and feel her back smarting. He probably felt the same lingering effects. She knew it’d fade soon enough, but it left her heaving for air. Her emotions were mingled with young Jared’s- contempt for this Erebus kid who pressed him into the ground and shot him. Despair... that it happened. And her instinct was more violent than his, “What a fucking tool. I’d have kil-” She cut herself off when Jared opened his eyes. The dejection in them tore at her. And Zach’s voice broke the moment, “Why did you stop? Tell him you want to know what happens and go back.” Akira hesitated, till Zach made the order in no uncertain terms, “Do it, now!” She echoed his suggestion with a slight startle, like a spurred horse, “I… I want to know what happens next-” He let his fingers lace with her approaching hands. A plainative squeeze followed, “No! Stop it… Shira… Please. Please no more… Not again.”

[ask-de-writer]

SEA DRAGON’S GIFT : Part 83 of 83 : World of Sea

Return to the Master Story Index

Return to World of Sea

SEA DRAGON’S GIFT

Part 83 of 83

by

De Writer (Glen Ten-Eyck)

140406 words

copyright 2020

written 2007

All rights reserved.

Reproduction in any form, physical, electronic or digital is prohibited without the express consent of the author.

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Copyright fair use rules for Tumblr users

Users   of Tumblr.com are specifically granted the following rights.  They may   reblog the story provided that all author and copyright information   remains intact.  They may use the characters or original characters in   my settings for fan fiction, fan art works, cosplay, or fan musical   compositions.

All sorts of fan art, cosplay, music or fiction is actively encouraged.

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New to the story?  Read from the beginning.  PART 1 is here

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“Why, one,” said Master Juris, bothered now by where the questions might lead.  Master Clard and the others all followed in a ragged chorus, “One.”

“Could you all hear the drum talk between the ships?”  Kurin had hands on hips now, and determination in her tone.

Again the chorus of yeses sounded.

“So, you knew that Mister Kotance was attempting to seize my  personal property on the pretext that I was only a child as Master Juris just tried to claim as well?  That he was trying to take a ship and murder people that you all knew very well were seeking redress of wrongs done to them by the fleet?  Then you just stood by and let at least a quarter of the crew risk Scattering for participation in piracy?  It wasn’t until Mord Halyn, whom I still regard as my Captain, tried to deal with the results of the piracy’s failure that you, your apprentices and journeymen finally emerged in spite of the guards and took over, as you should have done at once.

“Now you throw in our faces the attempt to save you from the results of your own folly?”  Kurin finished severely, “Take the Wergeld offer.  Save your ship.  Or take the Fleet Law and lose it.”

While the Longin’s abashed officers and Masters conferred, Kurin turned to Tanlin.  “Thanks for that hug.  I really needed it.”

“Oi know,” she replied.  “Ye needed ‘Igh Cloud too.”

Softly, Kurin asked, “Lady — Captain Tanlin, can you take something from me?”

“I’ tis w’at Oi suspect tis, nae.  Nae now,” Tanlin answered equally softly.  “Just now, we’re tryin’ t’ save t’em, nae drive t’em onto a reef — in a storm — wit’ a Dragon-tide t’ ‘elp t’ings along.”

The Longin’s conference was brief.  It was Master Clard who spoke for them.  In a clear voice he said formally, “Your Honors, Kurin, the Longin wishes to formally apologize to you all, and you, Kurin, especially.  Master Juris spoke from passion, not thought.  He was angry and let his feelings get the better of him.

“For the rest, a majority of us have decided to hear out the Wergeld idea. If we do not, it would appear that we are dismasted and sinking with no help in sight.  Make your offer.”

Kurin stood up, relief clear on her countenance.  “The first part of the agreement is common to all Wergeld agreements.  It is simply the rules of the Wergeld.  You must acknowledge the wrongs in dispute and publicly agree to the settlement that we bargain out.  The settlement will have the force of fleet Law once reached.  It is between us alone.  It may not be used as a precedent or in any future criminal or civil action not directly related to the terms of this understanding.  Things said or admitted in this Wergeld may not be used against either of us in future legal action, civil or criminal. Any future charges brought must stand on their own merits and may not derive from this agreement.  Last, all grudges and feuds between the parties of this Wergeld must be put aside or the whole thing is voided and the Law will take its proper course.

“The wrongs in question have been listed already.  They are not disputable.  All else is subject to negotiation.

“The first term of the offer is this.  Mister Kotance has already been separately charged.  No term of this Wergeld shall be in any way binding on him.

“For our part, we have Mister Morgu and Silor who will have to be tried before the fleet for their mutiny, attempted murder and murder.  This whole sad mess began and was caused by their hate.  They also shall have no protection in this Wergeld.

“Can you agree with us so far?” asked Kurin hopefully.

Alor, the Longin’s Purser and legal officer, asked Captain Sarfin, “Before we say anything, will the Naral fleet agree to this — Wergeld thing?”

Sarfin steepled his hands, thought for a moment, and then conferred with Sula.  He nodded and Sula spoke for the bench.  “As one of the parties involved is Arrakan and we are not in Naral fleet waters, Arrakan Law and Custom may be properly invoked.  The Third Great Law gives the Naral fleet no choice in the matter.  They must enforce the Wergeld as agreed between you.”

“Then we can agree, so far, Kurin.”  She tilted her head in sad puzzlement at one change that she had heard.  “Us?  We? Our? Kurin?  Will you still leave us?  What good will this do if we cannot have the school and the mapping contract?”

“Don’t be afraid, Alor,” Kurin reassured her.  “I won’t abandon you to be Scattered.  Some things do have to change, though.”

She turned and asked, “Barad, will you present the next term?”

He stood and smiled in a twisted sort of way.  “I never thought to be in this position.  Mord Halyn Longin, I have to apologize to you in particular.  That I tried to stop the mutiny is no excuse for starting the plot in the first place.  I was wrong.  I am sure that my error brought you onto dry land for a time.  I am also sure that you now have safe water under your keel.  The term is this.  The fleet must restore your Master’s Certificate and replace you at the helm of the Longin.  They need you.  If you don’t think so, just look at how quickly and to what extent they went out the scuppers without you.  

“Besides, you were a guest at our Announcement Feast, so my old feud with you is dead or I lose my wife.  Can you agree to this?”  He held out his hand toward Mord, who appeared to be looking for some hook in what he had heard.  At last, prodded by Alor, he shook Barad’s hand in agreement.  He appeared to be disturbed that he owed his restoration, ship and freedom to Barad whom he had always thought of (correctly) as an enemy.

Tanlin stood and raised hands for attention.  “As Ca’tain o’ t’e Grandalor, Oi ‘ave t’ bring t’e next part o’ t’e Wergeld. By t’e terms, Oi can bring up yer violation o’ t’e Fift’ Groit Law an’ ye cannae be charged in any way because even i’ t’is negotiation gets off t’e hook, we’ve let t’e matter go. As a result o’ t’at violation t’ree o’ m’ crew were killed an’ twa wounded.  In t’e piracy attempt, a furt’er ane wa’ killed.  T’e murderer ‘as been charged but ‘is chance came because nane o’ ye but Kurin tried t’ stop ‘t.

“We lost Lenai Halin, t’e best riggin’ surveyor an’ sail lofter in m’ experience.  She wa’ a gentle soul ‘oo never raised ‘er voice t’ any.  She spent many ‘ours at m’ bedside teachin’ m’ t’ read yer script an’ figure wit’ yer numbers.  ‘Er son Arnat’s got nae mot’er now.  

“Helmsman Macoul wa’ dead before ‘e ‘it t’e boat under ‘im.  ‘E braved t’e Coriolis Storm, off ‘is wotch, t’ bring ‘ot food an’ drink t’ Barad an’ Darkistry as t’ey conned t’e ship int’ t’e eye o’ t’e storm.  A good mon.  Gone.  

“Bosun Modanet ‘elped direct t’e rescue operations wen t’e Princamorn sank.  ‘E an’ Barad pulled m’ oot o’ t’e woter an’ saved m’ life.  Died on yer ship wit’ never t’e attention o’ a doctor.  Cast overboard loike garbage.

“Our second day wotch drummer, Morga, a lad o’ fifteen.  Nae older’ll ‘e get.  Ripped apart an’ sent over t’e side by a Strong Skin catapult ‘arpoon aimed at Kurin an’ Darkistry.

“Like t’e mot’er Orca o’ Kurin’s tale, Oi’m surry for us bot’. We cannae bring t’em bock.  Oi propose t’at ye pay Arnat ten skins a Gat’ering for ‘is maintenance.  Any unused balance, an’ t’ere will be, is t’ go into ‘is Purser’s account as a nest egg for wen ‘e gets married.  For Lenai, we ask an annual rigging an’ sail survey dune by t’e Mordan at yer expense.  Any replacement cable or cordage is t’ be Mordan Twist.  We split t’e cost o’ any sails needed.  Oi ask yer ‘elp in Macoul’s case. Oi donnae know how t’ value ‘im.  Oi wish t’at Oi’d known ‘im better.”

“We are not responsible for …” Master Juris started when Mord, Alor and Mistress Daeron all silenced him.

Mistress Daeron said, “Even in the Rope Walk, I heard the fog drum go silent.  I knew that we were still in fog and I did not send to find the cause.  I know that the rest of us did the same because we have all discussed it.

“I do not know whether anything would have changed if we had investigated.  We cannot change it nor bring back your dead.  We should have tried.  That we are guilty of.  We stood by and did not even try to do something when we knew that something was wrong.  We heard the screams.  All of us.”

Tanlin answered her, “For our part, we precipitated t’e incident.  We approached ye under false colors.  Ever’ member o’ t’at party bore a message from m’ t’ clear t’at up after t’ey had gotten aboard.”  Tanlin paused and shook her head sadly, “We dinnae expect t’at nane o’ t’ dozen wad reach yer deck alive.

“We came t’ t’e Longin because we couldnae trust any ot’er ship except t’e Dorton, an’ we dinnae know w’ere she wa’.  We ‘oped t’ speak t’ Kurin.  At a ‘orrible cost we did.  She ‘as repaid our trust better t’an we could ‘ave ‘oped.  She’s even saved m’ Barad.

“T’e cost t’ ‘er wa’ equally ‘orrid.  T’ ‘elp us, she’s lost ‘er ‘ome ship.”

Master Juris spluttered, “She has not.  The Longin needs her.  We couldn’t send her away.  It would ruin us.”

Tanlin said scornfully, “W’at ye’ve just said makes t’e case.  Nae part o’ w’at any o’ ye said wa’, ‘We luve ‘er.’  Since ‘er fat’er died, only five beings on t’is world ‘ave said, ‘Oi luve ye’ t’ ‘er.  An’ t’ey were all birds.”

“Six,” Kurin interrupted, speaking to Tanlin.  “You were part of the flock that came to save me from Captain Urson.  And you have held and hugged me without needing a reason.”

Master Juris snorted, “We could do that.”

“T’en wye dinnae ye?” was Tanlin’s sharp retort.  “Ye ‘ad six Gat’erings t’ ‘elp a child.  All ye did wa’ teach ‘er an’ praise ‘er wen she did well.  No ‘ugs.  Naebody t’ ‘old. Just pain an’ emptiness inside, ‘eld at bay by learnin’ an’ work.”

A tear of gratitude leaked from Kurin’s eye as she said, “The last part of this Wergeld is this.  We will settle all the remaining unsettled claims.  I am the price you must pay.  I have found a home on the Grandalor, not just a place to stay.  

“Your Ship’s Business will remain safe, specifically, the mapping and charting, the navigation system, the Longin lace, and the fishing and shellfish taking and storage methods.

“I will come to the Longin to supervise and teach the school and also to map the Naral fleet waters according to your contracts.  From each Fall Gathering to each Spring Gathering I will be aboard the Grandalor while she trades with the Arrakan, Daroff, and Pallant fleets.  By the time that your mapping contract with the Naral fleet is done, if not well before, there should be others who can take over the school.

“That should complete the Wergeld and keep you safe from the Scattering that would otherwise be required.  We have thrown you a line.  Don’t drown.”

Kurin turned to Tanlin.  “Captain Tanlin, I have something for you.  It has nothing to do with the business of this Court.  This is my own free choice and I want it seen and witnessed by all.”  She held out her hands in the Arrakan style and knelt.  Tanlin took Kurin’s small hands in her own as Kurin began, “I Kurin Behar Longin, now of the Grandalor alone …”

“I wish that I had known about this kind of love when I gave you your Gift,” said Blind Mecat softly.  “I never got it either.”

-THE END-

<==PREVIOUS

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[alienheartattack]

In the Spider’s Web (NSFW)

Just when I thought I was out, they pulled me back in. After literal years of feeling uninspired by ship stuff (the manga is so far beyond shipping at this point that I now ship Mikasa with years of therapy), I went through my drafts and found a few attempts at the prequel to Things That Go Bump in the Night. To catch you up: modern AU, Levi is a vampire, Mikasa has been hunting him since he murdered Eren, then boners occur. And this time, thanks to the Comic Sans trick, I was able to bang out just under 5000 words of Rivamika vampire/hunter fun.

It’s been a really long time since I’ve written smut or even prose in general (I’ve been writing exclusively for stage and screen for the last 3 years) so I’m feeling kinda self-conscious that I may have lost my fanfic mojo or whatever. I usually don’t press for feedback but I would really love some this time around if you have the time. I hope you enjoy the story!

CW: death, gory injuries, getting drunk on blood, and straight up fuckin’.

Mikasa has to stifle a wild howl of laughter when she finally picks the lock on the blacked-out skylight atop the vampire's lair. This is it, she thinks, the culmination of her hard work to kill the man — No, not the man, the monster — who killed her brother. A flash of memory quickly stifles her silent celebration: the now-familiar sight of the shell that used to be Eren. The seemingly fathomless well of her sorrow threatens to overflow as she remembers the details she has tried so hard to forget: his golden skin turned to ash; his dimmed green eyes wide with surprise, staring infinitely into the void. Mikasa takes a few long, deep breaths, sucking in lungfuls of chilly October air until the image fades from her mind and she can devote herself entirely to her task.

The vampire's name is Levi, and even the most debased and inhuman Kindred speak of him in awed tones. Through her work with the Hunter Corps, Mikasa has learned of his legend: that he can puncture a mortal's throat and have the poor sack of meat half-drained before they realize they’ve been bitten. That he is faster, stronger, more cunning, and more ruthless than any of his kind. That he will not hesitate to display his physical and mental superiority to anyone, be they human, Kindred, or Hunter.

Tonight, Mikasa plans to drive a stake through the heart of the legend. She has followed him for over a year, tracking his movements and shadowing him as he prowled the streets of the City, hunting for prey. She has tried to kill him twice before, and twice he has held her off — but not hurt or killed her. Mikasa finds it peculiar that she has not yet met her fate at the end of his fangs, but has never considered why. The motivations of a monster are of no interest to her.

It has taken her far too long, by her estimation, to come up with this plan. She will hide on his roof at night while he finds his next meal, then wait for sunrise and sneak into his lair to kill him while he sleeps. She prefers to dispatch her quarries in a fair fight, pitting her impressive speed and skill against supernatural ability, but with Levi, her need for revenge outweighs her honorable convictions.

Mikasa watches the first rays of dawn creep over the horizon, chasing away the cerulean darkness with streaks of crimson. She takes the bloody sky as a good omen. According to her watch, it is 6:37 AM, just a few minutes before sunrise. Levi should be at his most vulnerable after falling into his daily slumber.

Time to go, she thinks, steeling herself for her mission.

She smiles a rictus grin as she slowly opens the skylight, careful not to let its hinges creak. Holding her breath, she climbs inside the building, finding a series of metal rungs to guide her down fifty feet into Levi's lair, and closes the skylight behind her. Her boot-clad toes seek soft contact with the next rung as she climbs down silently, languorously, like a stalking cat. Every few moments she stops to listen for his movements, to look down and see whether he is lying in wait for her. She hears nothing and sees nothing, so she continues.

The room below serves as some sort of ceremonial dining hall, with a long wooden table stretching across most of the room. Ornately carved wooden chairs sit around it, with the largest and most intricate chair at the far end: Levi's seat, undoubtedly. The table is set for a banquet with a multitude of plates, wine glasses, and silverware at each seat; empty silver candlesticks and candelabras run down the length of the highly polished oak. The hall is lit with hundreds of flickering candles in sconces and chandeliers, providing a dramatic backdrop to the priceless works of art contained within: painted portraits in gilt frames, marble sculptures, antiquities on pedestals and in glass cases. It is a museum of opulence, of corruption. Mikasa's stomach turns as she surveys the scene, imagining the countless people who gave their blood and their lives for Levi to amass a collection to rival the world's greatest museums.

And then, while she is deep in thought and dangling ten feet above the heavy wooden table, one of the metal rungs comes loose from its moorings — and Mikasa falls.

She has the forethought not to yelp in surprise as she pitches away from the wall, but cannot help herself from crying out as she lands on her side on top of the table, ceramic plates and crystal goblets shattering beneath her weight. Mikasa lies there, the wind knocked out of her, unable to take a breath from pain and shock. After a few moments, she regains her senses and groans as she registers a new pain; no, two of them, a dull ache in her ribs and a sharpness in her thigh. She feels around her thigh with shaking hands until agony surges through her and she finds the source of the pain: one of the silver candlesticks has pierced clean through her leg, its heavy base embedded in her hamstring muscles and its fluted tip sticking out through her toned quadriceps.

"Noooo," she moans. Even if Levi is not there, he will return any moment to see her served to him on his dining room table, bleeding and ready to be devoured. Mikasa attempts to sit up but finds that the slightest motion hurts so much that her vision starts to go white around the edges and hot tears stream down her cheeks. Even breathing hurts, sending stabbing pains through her side as she tries to catch her breath.

"So that's what you've been scheming, little fly," comes Levi's disembodied voice, slithering out from the room’s flickering dimness. Mikasa tries to summon the last of her strength to move, to do anything but lie there and suffer, but she can only raise herself a few inches before she lets out a tortured, feral scream, a wild animal cornered at last.

"Surely your feeble human brain can still form words. You're badly injured, but you're not dead yet," he says in a sharp, mocking tone, materializing seemingly from thin air next to her. "Emphasis on 'yet.'"

Mikasa takes in a shaky breath, rage and agony coursing through her in equal measure. "Fuck… you… Levi," she spits.

"For the record, that's not a sufficient apology for smashing my property and getting your blood all over my table." He goes to speak but pauses when he registers the scent of her blood, meaty and potent and alive, more delicious than anything he's ever smelled before.

"Your blood," he repeats, softer this time. "Oh, god." He groans under his breath, suddenly feeling weak in the knees as a potent hunger unfurls in his belly. Levi's expression starts to shift: his eyes widen and his mouth goes slack, exposing the tips of his fangs. His pupils dilate, inky black overtaking the otherworldly silver hue of his irises. He approaches her slowly, seemingly floating towards her, his eyes locked on her impaled thigh.

"Kill me," she grunts. "Just get it over with."

"No," Levi says, his voice hushed, almost reverent. "I don't want to kill you like this." He reaches one pale hand toward Mikasa and she attempts to roll away from him, crying out wordlessly at the waves of torment wracking her broken body. But he does not touch her: instead, his finger finds a spatter of her blood on the wooden tabletop and wipes it away, placing his finger between his parted lips.

The sensation that hits him is so unexpected and overwhelming that it nearly brings him to his knees. He almost comes in his pants just from anticipation; the fraction of a second it takes for his finger to enter his mouth feels like ten lifetimes, and he groans in ecstasy as he finally tastes her, all iron and heat. Mikasa's blood sings on his tongue, burning down his throat like the finest whiskey, filling his belly like a sumptuous meal and paradoxically making him even more ravenous for her. He is surprised to find that he does not want to drain her dry; he wants to savor her, coaxing a few drops of blood from her at a time, enrapturing her with the power of his fanged kisses.

Once the intense sensation fades enough that he can think somewhat clearly again, Levi realizes that Mikasa has been watching him the entire time. He meets her gaze, hoping he doesn't look as wild-eyed and utterly undone as he feels. If she notices, then he cannot tell, her face still distorted into a tortured grimace.

"Don't toy with me," Mikasa grinds out from between clenched teeth. Her breath hisses shallowly in and out of her mouth, occasionally punctuated by low moans.

"I'm not," Levi replies coolly. "I want to heal you, and I want you to come back and try to kill me in a fair fight. This..." he motions vaguely towards her curled body, "this isn't fun for me."

Mikasa lets out a guffaw despite herself, then howls as pain radiates through her broken ribs. "Fun? You find this fun?"

"I do," he says. He smiles wide, letting his razor-sharp fangs peek out from between his lips. "Your pathetic attempts to kill me have been fairly humorous, but the irony of you ending up in a bloody heap on my dining table, of all places, is too satisfying to put into words." Levi sucks in a shaky breath, inhaling more of her blood's heady perfume, then leans close to her, his mouth inches from her ear. "I should eat you up," he all but purrs. "But I won't."

With that, he disappears, leaving Mikasa alone in the great hall. She drags her arms, covered in her protective leather jacket, across the tabletop to sweep the shattered plates and glasses onto the floor, sending silverware clattering against the hardwood. She then feels around the tabletop for any other blood she has spilled, wiping it off with her hands before he can drink any more of it.  Even if he swears he will not kill her, she does not trust him, especially if he becomes intoxicated on the heady, rich blood of a Hunter.

He reappears a few minutes later, bearing a lacquered wooden tray. On it rests a delicate bone china teapot and two matching teacups and saucers, each painted with a pattern of vines and red roses. The roses look almost obscene to Mikasa, plump and splayed open, ready to be plucked.

"You're bringing me tea?" she sneers as Levi pours a measure of steaming amber brew into each cup. "That's really going to help get this candlestick out of my leg."

"No, but this will," Levi says, raising his wrist to his mouth and slashing it open against his fangs. He positions his hand over the tray as his blood washes over his alabaster skin and into one of the cups, darkening the tea until it looks like wine. He then licks his wrist clean, sealing the gash. Within seconds, his wrist is pale and pristine once more.

Mikasa goggles with disbelief at Levi, who places the cup of blood-tea near her hand. "You want me to drink your blood?"

"Are you just going to state the obvious over and over?" he snaps, earning himself a murderous glare.

"Pardon me for being a bit perplexed at my current situation. I don't usually make a habit of taking tea with the monster I'm trying to kill." Mikasa wrinkles her nose at him, thankful that she’s found one expression of contempt that doesn’t make her entire body ache.

Levi picks up his cup of tea, lifting it by the rim with his slim fingertips, and takes a sip. "Perhaps you should."

"Don't humor me."

"Look. I'm offering you a gift, in exchange for a promise."

"Then it's not a gift," Mikasa grumbles. Levi slams his teacup against the saucer but doesn’t spill a drop. The rattle of china on china echoes throughout the hall.

"Will you shut up? You’re really making me regret not killing you." Mikasa lets out an angry sigh. As much as she doesn’t want to make a deal with Levi, she can see no other way off the table without further injuring or killing herself in the process.

"Fine! Tell me your terms!" she grinds out.

Levi takes a long, slow drink from his cup before he answers. "You drink the tea and walk out of here healed and whole. In exchange, we call a truce. From now until the next sunrise, I don't try to kill you, and you don't try to kill me."

Mikasa considers his proposition, trying to find some flaw or catch. "Why should I believe that you'll honor this agreement?"

"Because if I wanted to kill you, you'd be dead by now," he says, his voice low and raspy, seductive yet poisonous. Levi puts down his teacup and reaches over to her, placing the pad of his index finger on her pulse point just beneath her ear. He feels her heart fluttering, the pulse of her blood through her veins, then traces his finger down the path of her jugular. Mikasa's breath quickens beneath his hand. His caress blazes a path of heat down her neck, into her breasts and belly, and lower.

"Or I can toss you out into the night to defend yourself. I can think of a few Kindred who'd love to get their hands on you." Suddenly he removes his finger from her skin and uses it to push the wine-dark teacup toward her. His gaze bores into her, evoking the same peculiar heated sensation as his touch. "Drink."

She doesn't want his help, doesn't want his blood flowing through her body. She’s read that drinking a vampire’s blood causes a bond between them, albeit an ephemeral one, and she does not want to test this theory for herself. In this moment everything feels too intimate and too perverse to her, the vampire who drained her brother dry offering her tea and sympathy instead of a swift death. But the pain in her body grows with each breath, and she knows that she cannot leave here under her own power. At best she will have months of recovery, at worst she will be permanently unable to continue her hunt. Mikasa reaches out a bloody hand toward the porcelain teacup, but before she can grasp its delicate handle, Levi stops her, capturing her wrist in his grasp.

"You're not touching eighteenth-century bone china with your hands caked in—" he swallows thickly— "filth."

"I can't exactly wash my hands—" Mikasa says, but is cut off by Levi running his tongue over her hand, licking her skin clean. He sucks on each of her fingers in turn, rubbing his lips over her fingertips, lapping at the semi-congealed blood pooled in the hollow of her palm. He lets out a ragged sigh and braces himself against the table with one hand as his cock grows hard again and his knees tremble at the taste of her.

Mikasa is transfixed by the sight before her, Levi's eyelids fluttering closed as he lavishes attention on her skin. She has been this close to him before but has never noticed the length of his eyelashes, the soft pout of his lips, or the raw male power emanating from him. She has been nearly nose to nose with him in a fight, but now, lying battered and bleeding in his lair, she has never felt more wetness or more warmth between her legs.

"God, you're delicious," he moans, licking the last of the blood away, and Mikasa has to fight herself not to mimic the low, rough sound. Her chest rises and falls heavily as she contemplates the tainted cup of tea before her, wisps of white steam swirling above deep garnet.

"I have to avenge Eren," she tells him, her tone steady and resolute, yet mournful. "No amount of kindness from you will change that."

"I know." Silence stretches out between them for a few moments. Levi looks as though he wants to tell her something, conflicting emotions warring on his face until he lets out an annoyed grunt and decides to speak.

"You should know that I did him a kindness as well. He was wanted by forces much more monstrous and evil than even me. The Strigoi," he says in a hushed voice, seemingly too afraid to speak the name of the vampire elders’ council at full volume. "A quick death was the best I could do for him. That is all I can say on the matter."

Mikasa stares at him, her eyes shining, then gives him a small nod. "Thank you," she whispers, then reaches for the china teacup. Her eyes do not leave his as she lifts its delicate rim to her lips and drinks the entire thing in one swallow.

She can feel the potency of the drink as soon as it hits her tongue, the grassiness of tea leaves mixed with the smoke and steel taste of his blood. It swirls around her mouth and warms her, trickling down her throat and into her stomach. Without realizing she is moving, she lifts her other hand to his mouth, smearing blood across his lips until he grasps her wrist with both hands and hungrily laps at her crimson-stained skin.

Her breath quickens as she feels his blood doing its work, suffusing itself into her cells, making her insides roil as bruised organs repair themselves, fractured bones knit together. Mikasa reaches for the candlestick in her leg, wincing as she wraps her fingers around one end and prepares to yank it out.

"No!" Levi cries. "Not yet. You’ll bleed out and I... I don’t know if I’ll be able to control myself." His voice is husky, thick with what Mikasa realizes is barely-contained desire. He runs his tongue across her thumb, capturing one last droplet of blood lodged in the corner of the nail, then lets her hand go.

If he wasn’t dead, he’d be blushing, Mikasa thinks, a similar flush blooming across her cheeks.

"Can you help me, then? I think you know your blood better than I do," she says with a knowing smile. Levi returns the smile and nods, climbing up on the table and kneeling beside her. He rests his palms against each side of her calf and runs his hands up her leg, stopping near the wound on her thigh. Mikasa shivers beneath his touch; the contact sends bolts of arousal throughout her body, overriding the last few threads of lingering pain. The only sound in the room is her labored breathing becoming more regular as her ribs heal, then the sound of fabric tearing as Levi rips her pant leg off from around her injury, leaving most of her leg bare.

"What are you—?" she blurts.

"I need to seal the wound," Levi interrupts, his tone brusque. "It’s easier this way." He waits a few moments, watching intently as the ragged flesh and muscle starts to join together. When it is sufficiently closed for him, he pushes Mikasa’s knee to her chest and grasps the base of the candlestick protruding from the underside of her thigh. He then yanks the candlestick out, sending it flying across the room, and attaches his lips around the open wound, drinking the residual blood and licking at her skin. Deep muffled moans escape from between her flesh and his mouth. When he is finished he gingerly puts her leg down and does the same to the other side of the wound, burying his face in her thigh. He uses one hand to steady himself and the other to rub his painfully hard cock through his pants, hoping to relieve some of the tension there. Mikasa writhes beneath him, though whether it is in pain or pleasure he cannot tell until he looks up from the now-healed wound to see her gazing down at him, her eyes heavy-lidded, her mouth set in a pouty O.

In response Levi leaps on top of her faster than the human eye can discern, pressing her against the tabletop with his heavy, muscled body. Although he is shorter than her, a fact she never hesitates to point out, every inch of his body is toned and taut and imbued with superhuman strength, giving him the presence of a man twice his size. Mikasa gasps with the dueling emotions of fear and arousal when she feels him atop her, unsure of his intentions.

"You promised," she says softly, surprised that she feels wounded at the thought of his betrayal.

"I did," he answers in a low, breathy tone, then lowers his mouth to hers and takes her mouth in a fierce kiss. Mikasa immediately responds, her arms crushing him to her, her hips arching up to meet the rigid bulge in his pants, her tongue flicking against his as she opens her mouth to him. Levi presses himself against Mikasa, grinding his cock against the now-damp juncture of her thighs. She moans wordlessly as his zipper grazes her clit, marveling how she can feel such a thing through layers of fabric. Levi seems to share her thoughts, momentarily pulling away from her so he can unbutton his shirt and pants. Mikasa does the same, undoing the zipper of her jacket before Levi presses his hands to hers, stopping her.

"Let me," he rasps, his voice rough with need. He finishes undressing, throwing his crisp white shirt to the floor, kicking off his shoes, pushing down the waistband of his trousers. Mikasa mentally notes with a smirk that he does not wear any underwear and that his noted penchant for cleanliness seems to have disappeared under the influence of potent blood and sensuality. When he is finally naked, his muscled frame looking like sharply chiseled marble in the candlelight, his cock swollen and thick and ready for her, he pulls her up to a seated position and slips off her leather jacket, pushing his hands down her arms until it drops off of her body and falls to the table. The jacket hangs there for a moment and then drops to the floor. Her shirt soon follows, his fingers undoing each button with agonizing deliberation, tracing each inch of exposed flesh with his hands and lips; then her bra, which he flings in some random direction. He doesn’t know where; instead he is gazing deep into her eyes, seeing his hunger reflected in her dilated pupils and parted lips. His movements are soft and sure, dragging out the process of undressing her until they are both trembling and frenzied, ready to pounce on each other with barely-controlled lust.

He is the first to move, grasping her by the hips and yanking her pants and underwear off in one fluid motion and pressing his mouth to her pussy, inhaling the scent of her before finally, blissfully tasting her.

"Fuck!" Mikasa moans as Levi drags his tongue in leisurely circles around her clit, each circuit coaxing more noises out of her, breathy little gasps and sighs that only serve to drive Levi wild. His cock throbs in response and he groans, aching to be buried deep inside her. Mikasa rests on her elbows and watches him, looking down the flat plane of her belly at the top of his head as he licks and sucks at her most tender flesh. She flexes her hips and opens herself even wider to his touch; he responds by gripping and massaging her inner thighs as he devours her, the taste of her sex as intoxicating as that of her blood. He is firm and confident against her most sensitive parts, each motion pushing her closer and closer to an explosive peak. Within minutes she is shrieking and thrashing beneath him, orgasm tearing through her body with a force that only Levi possesses.

Before Mikasa can fully come back down to earth, he reaches his hands beneath her body and flips her over, depositing her on her hands and knees, sending silverware skittering, plates and glasses crashing to the floor. He barely registers the wanton destruction, focused only on the needs of his body, the desperate desire to plunge himself into her. Mikasa pushes her ass against the stiff length of his cock, silently begging him to ravish her, to give her pleasure by mercilessly taking his. Levi chooses not to indulge her just yet, grasping his shaft and rubbing his head against her folds a few times before he can no longer take it. He growls as she takes him inside her, her cunt hot and tight and slick with shameless need.

"Yessss," she hisses, overwhelmed with the delicious sensation of herself stretching around his cock, feeling herself adjust to his thickness. Levi tries to savor the moment but cannot resist the frantic urge to slam his cock into her over and over again, her ass slapping against his hips with each frenzied stroke. Mikasa starts to keen, her pussy clenching around his cock, sending electric currents of pleasure through both of them with every motion.

Levi loops one arm around her waist and pulls her upright against him, molding her back to his chest as he still maintains his furious rhythm inside of her. Mikasa leans against him, arching her back to give him access to her bared neck. His features briefly take on a look of disbelief at her actions, but the look in her eyes says Come, taste me.

"So fucking hot," he cries. He grips her tighter around her waist, using his grasp as leverage to fuck her harder. His free hand finds her clit, teasing it with his fingertips until she twitches and shudders against him, primed for another orgasm. Levi increases the tempo of his thrusts and swipes at her clit roughly, building a furious rhythm that will soon leave her limp and exhausted, if her frantic moans are any indication. His ministrations increase in speed, building to a fever pitch as he feels his orgasm start to build in his thighs and his balls. Mikasa’s eyes clench shut in concentration; an iridescent sheen of sweat appears on her forehead and neck, and blazing spots of color burn in her cheeks. Just before he comes, just as Mikasa’s cunt starts to flutter around him, he sinks his fangs into her neck and takes a long drink, the familiar but still somehow unexpected taste of her blood pushing him headlong into an orgasm that feels as though he is the one being drained. In that moment there is no Levi and no Mikasa, only two beings of pure pleasure, screaming their release as one.

Mikasa is the first to regain her senses, collapsing forward onto the table, sending another plate and glass to the floor as she catches herself on unsteady arms. Levi’s cock slides out of her pussy, glistening with her wetness. She makes a disappointed noise, feeling keenly the loss of him inside of her, a sensation of emptiness without his cock filling her. She lies on her stomach atop the table and lets out a long, sated sigh.

"Holy shit," she rasps, her voice hoarse and her throat dry from her heavy breaths and screams. She looks over her shoulder at Levi, her hair damp and matted to her forehead in dark tendrils, her countenance disheveled and gleaming. If he still breathed, the sight of her would take his breath away.

"Yeah," he murmurs in agreement, reaching out one hand to stroke her lightly sweating back, his mind utterly blank. Physically he remains pristine, not even a hair out of place; mentally, emotionally, he feels as confused as he does satisfied, as though he has been broken apart and rearranged in a foreign configuration. In due time he will register the magnitude of this encounter, will rage and seethe at the destruction they’ve both wrought in his lair, will scrutinize what the hell he just did with the woman who’s been trying to kill him, but for now all he wants to do is gather her in his arms and take her to his bed. He does so, moving with such speed that Mikasa barely registers what has happened until Levi is propping her up against a mountain of pillows, her skin glowing against his crimson silk sheets. He settles himself next to her, his body curling around hers as she does the same to him. Mikasa reaches over and brushes a strand of dark hair out of his face, then presses her lips to his gently, almost chastely.

"What just happened kind of makes me wish I’d asked for a longer truce,” he says after a few minutes of intimate silence.

Mikasa giggles softly, then sighs. "Me too." Neither of them suggests one, though, because that is not the way of the world. He is a vampire and she is a Hunter. They fight on opposite sides of an eternal war; they are not supposed to be lovers and bedfellows. After tonight they must return to their roles and forget about the passion between them and how they gave in to it, although they both know that they never will.

"You do know I'm going to try to kill you tomorrow night, right?" she asks him.

"I know," he replies, his lips curving into a wry smile before he can think to hide it. "I'm looking forward to it."

[cadday]

Collateral Damage-Chapter 1

He’s not sure how long it’s been. He remembers, or at least his heart and what’s left of him does, that he should be fighting back. But he’s too tired most days and fighting hurts. 

Sometimes he can see the way out, the light in the distance, but it’s so far away and hard to reach for. In the brief moments that it’s close, that he’s near the surface, he can see where he is. Usually it’s late at night and they are resting or emotionally compromised. He’s been compromised a lot lately. The new people who returned, foretellers a memory supplies though he’s not sure if it’s his, are making things difficult. They aren’t following their roles enough and he’s angry about it or emotional at least. Either way he doesn’t think much of it till he’s awake briefly one day and he sees, well he’s not sure at first. Names are hard and faces are forgotten but hearts are familiar and this one is shattered by whatever Luxu, that’s the stupid bastards name he almost forgot it, is yelling at them. He’s yelling because one of the foretellers almost fell to these hearts and it’s that lack of control that has him aware of everything. Luxu’s threatening them now and it has him panicked so suddenly that he isn’t sure what he’s doing till he does it and he falls out of the freakin sky, because of course they had been standing on nothing and the sudden shift has him falling several feet to the ground gasping at suddenly being aware of everything and being able to move. He feels like crying or screaming but all he can really do is gasp for air like a person rescued from drowning. 

He looks up to meet startled confused faces and feels so much all at once and he opens his mouth to say something, anything at all, but it’s dark. He’s shut out again trapped in darkness and a void in himself and he has know idea what happens to those people. 

He isn’t sure how long it takes before he gets his next shot. He is only aware that bad things are probably happening and he is useless to stop any of it. Still it’s late one night and their resting when he flings his presence against the barrier that’s around it towards the light and he comes too in bed shuddering and breathing hard and so confused. Now though he doesn’t know what to do. He can’t go home, wherever that was again, and who knows how long till Luxu is awake and throws him back to his place in the darkness. He sits there probably too long staring down at his empty hands and suddenly he realizes they aren’t empty any more. Luxu has a keyblade which means he has one too. He debates throwing it out a window out of spite but as it’s a magical item he doubts that would have any lasting result and does nothing to help him. 

He stares at the keyblade, and creepily the thing can stare back, and looks around the room. He thinks of familiar hearts and a name he no longer has and a home he can’t remember. He focuses so hard on how much his heart aches for any other outcome, and then he stabs himself in the chest with the damn thing.

 Technically when asked what exactly his plan was stabbing himself with a magical giant key belonging to the biggest entitled asshole he had ever met he can honestly say there was no plan. Maybe he intended to die. He isn’t sure. He is sure that he might be dead after all because he’s not sure he remembers the world being this damn bright. 

Sitting up he looks around confused. He should know this place, his heart unhelpfully supplies the distinct feeling at least. His head hurts and he feels like he’s going to pass out. He shifts to try to stand but he can’t quite get himself up off the ground which isn’t great. It’s hard to tell how long he’s on the ground trying to contemplate how to get up and figure out where he is and his head is starting to ache more and more. He wonders if that’s a side effect to whatever he did to himself. What’s not helping his head is the yelling. Startled, he looks around confused to figure out who is yelling as it gets closer.

A man with dark hair comes into view and he stares up at the panicked face in confusion. He’s familiar and his heart aches suddenly at the thought. The man with dark hair sounds exceedingly panicked and is holding his face still. It’s oddly comforting even if the guy sounds like he’s dying and who knows maybe he is. Maybe this is some long drawn out death the keyblade is putting him through. Weird but okay he can deal. Even feeling pain is better than endless darkness. 

“Aeleus...help over...face is….bleeding everywhere.” He tries to tilt his head in confusion but the black haired guy who's trying to sound calm and in control but he can feel the guys heart and he’s anything but, is holding his face still. For the first time he realizes he said something about bleeding and he raises a hand to his face only for it to come away bloody. Which gets another reaction out of the guy who is totally not panicking at all. 

“Gonna be...Braig...the hell...stay awake…” Oh yeah Braig that’s his name isn’t it. It’s the last thought he gets before the pain wins out and it’s dark again.

Waking up hurts. 

His face is kinda numb but the lack of depth perception stopped bothering him a long time ago at least. Braig pushes up and raises his hand to touch bandages wrapped around his head. The room he’s in is familiar-ish. There’s a beeping of a machine next to him and he stares at it for a while trying to piece together what this all means. He’s in his body for one, and in control which is surprisingly kinda hard to cope with. Like he’s thrilled but it’s terrifying to feel and exist again. 

His chest feels tight like somethings squeezing it and he suddenly can’t be here anymore so he’s throwing himself out from under white sheets and stumbling to his feet. He’s down the hall leaning heavily against a wall before he realizes he’s not sure where he’s going. Braig drags himself along the wall a little while longer before collapsing somewhere. He’s sitting against the wall trying to catch his breath when they find him. He’s small and a kid and staring at him with a concerned look that makes Braig want to scream. 

“You're supposed to be resting. Even said it looked like someone mauled your face but they didn’t let me see.” 

 Braig blinks slowly at the quiet kid who’s now in a squatted position in front of him. His blue hair is in his face and without thinking he reaches a hand up to try to brush it behind the kids ear. The kids’ only response is a tilted head and a confused look. 

“You’re being weird. It might be the pain medication.” They sit there a while with the kid watching him concerned and Braig too tired to move. After a while they here running and the kid stands up with a frown.

“He’s over here.” The black haired guy rounds the corner with a scrawny blonde and a huge red head. Braig blinks at them stupidly. He knows these people, he’s sure of it because they make his heart hurt and head throb worse. 

“What on earth are you doing? Are you trying to kill yourself?” The blonde is very angry and bossy for that matter. He's ranting away now and Braig frowns because the last question that he processed had made him pause. He had hadn’t he. Tried to kill himself. The blonde man was still ranting though and the red head was trying to calm him down. Black hair guy stepped forward and offered his hand to him and Braig stared at that dumbly too before carefully taking the offered hand and letting himself be pulled off the ground.

“Even I don’t think he understands. He’s not acting like himself…” The kid's voice was really quiet which was good because the blonde was making his head hurt more. He leaned back against the wall and let his head loll back.

The blonde, Even, frowned and walked over to him. He waved a hand in front of his face and Braig tried to swatt at it with no real effect. 

“Ienzo how long has he been here?” The kid looked at the black haired guy and shrugged.

“I’m not sure, I found him probably ten minutes ago just sitting on the ground. He hasn’t said anything. Which is…” Ienzo, the kid Ienzo, looks back at him and Braig is sure he looks upset. He wonders how he caused that. Braig want’s to apologize but he can’t make words come out. 

“Alright well he’s clearly not fit to be up, honestly Braig why you insist causing all of us this stress is beyond me, Master Ansem is beside himself mind you, and there was absolutely nothing we could do to save your eye,” Even was waving his arms around as he spoke and Braig wondered if he was always this animated, he feels like he should already know the answer but can’t recall, “Let’s get you out of the hallway at least, honestly it’s a miracle you made it so far, I would think you would have ran into the first doorway you were faced with, Dilan do you mind?” 

Braig wanted to say something but was having trouble still. His brain tried to force out words but it’s like his mouth couldn’t remember what to do to use them. Dilan, black haired guy so red hair had to be Aeleus grabbed his arm and swung it over his shoulder. They were moving before he even realized they had started and the next thing he knew was they were back in the room with the beeping machines and too white sheets. 

He’s assisted to sit down and without being told he climbs back properly under the covers then goes right on back to staring straight ahead.

There still in the room with him, talking about something and Even is still gesturing wildly as he talks. He thinks it’s about him and what happened he’s not really listening. His ears are kinda ringing and the headache is still there. Ienzo wanders over to the bed and leans in front of his face.

“Braig it’s going to be okay. You're back home now so we’ll make sure whatever did this can’t do it again. Okay?” Braig blinks dumbly at the kid. The other talking has stopped and it’s so quiet. He thinks he hates the quiet. Reaching up he grabs Ienzo’s hand and squeezes it. Ienzo’s smiles are barely their things but it’s so familiar that he wishes he could cry. He doesn’t remember that he actually can till everyone is around his bed trying to calm him down. Braig feels pathetic and stupid and so very lost. But Ienzo is holding his hand still and Aeleus and Dilan are making vaguelly threatening promises about whoever did this and Even is loud and angry and fussing about his bandages and meds and the stupid beeping machine. Braig fights to stay awake, afraid of falling back into darkness even to sleep, until it’s just not possible any longer. He really hopes this isn’t some screwed up dream.

[yeontanismypresident]

Please ... | jhs

A/N: This is longer than anything I’ve ever written and oh my gosh I actually really like it? I recommend listening to Hug Me sung by V and Jhope. It really got me in the mood to write this. Please excuse any mistakes and enjoy (: 

Word Count: 4.5K+

Genre: Angst & Fluff

Warnings: Car accidents, near death experience, slight suicidal thoughts, 

Prompts: “You need to wake up because I can’t do this without you.” + “You can’t die. Please don’t die.” 

Six boys walked into the practice laughing and joking around, as was usual for the members of BTS. When they saw Hoseok sitting in the middle of the room, head in his hands and shoulders slumped, looking defeated and tense they became quiet. Everyone looked at each other trying to figure out who would ask him what was wrong. It was no secret that when Hoseok was angry he needed to be left alone, but they had an important concert tomorrow and they needed to practice. 

Namjoon turned out to be the bravest among them all, “Hobi Hyung? Are you okay?”  He tentatively walked up to him and crouched in front of him.

“We had an argument,” Hoseok’s voice was tense and held some anger. Yoongi, being the one Hoseok usually went to during these situations, walked over and sat down next to him. The rest of the boys followed suit and sat around him, but still giving him the space if he needed it.

Hoseok looked up and stared past Namjoon, staring at himself through the mirror, “She came in here to see me and to talk about how I never help around the apartment. I guess I said something wrong because next thing I knew we were yelling at each other,” he looked at Yoongi with tired eyes and continued, “I was already mad and I took it out on her.”

Yoongi sighed, “Do you know where she is? You should apologize to her.” He really didn’t know how to help his friend, but he knew they needed to know where you were before coming up with an elaborate plan.

“I dunno she stormed off in anger and she’s not answering my calls or messages.” Hoseok looked at his phone in his hands with an uneasy expression on his face. He looked around at everyone surrounding him, “But I have a bad feeling, like something’s gonna happen.” Taehyung opened his mouth, as if he was going to speak, but Hoseok’s ringing phone cut him off.

They all looked at it to see your contact and picture pop up. Hoseok was quick to answer, putting it on speaker, and started talking, “Y/n baby! I’m so sorry please come back so I can apologize to you in person. I promi-” he was cut off by someone clearing their throat on the other end.

“Is this Jung Hoseok?” a man’s voice could be heard and it confused Hoseok as well as making the bad feeling come back stronger.

He looked at the guys before he remembered he didn’t answer, “Uh yes, who is this? Where’s Y/n?”

“This is Doctor Lee at Severance Hospital. Y/n has been in a car accident and you were listed as her emergency contact,” the words from the man made Hoseok freeze. It seemed as though the words went right through him.

His friends stared at him in shock and concern as he didn’t move. He couldn’t even breathe. The only thing he could do was stare at the mirror as tears started flowing down his face. He could vaguely hear the others yelling his name and he could feel them slightly shaking him. It wasn’t until he heard the doctor tell him to get there fast, that the accident was severe and they couldn’t tell if you were going to make it, that he finally made a sound. Hoseok started sobbing with his body shaking at the force of his crying. 

Yoongi pulled him into a tight embrace trying to calm him down, “Hobi, come on. You needa calm down, let’s get to the hospital. Let’s go see Y/n.” Jungkook helped Yoongi pull Hoseok up and led him out to the car that Namjoon had called for.

 “It’s gonna be okay Hyung,” Taehyung softly said as the driver started towards the hospital. 

Hoseok just stared at him, his eyes void of any emotions, “But what if it’s not? What if she’s dead by the time we get there?” Everyone’s breath hitched as he had just voiced what they all feared. Not only would Hoseok lose the one person he loved with all his heart, but the boys would all lose someone who was their best friend and like a sister.

 Jin looked around at everyone as tears fell down their faces, “She’ll be okay. She’s a strong girl.” He put his hand on Hoseok’s knee for some form of comfort.

--0--0--0--0--

Before the car could come to a complete and safe stop, Hoseok had the door flinging open and running into the hospital. The rest of the group quickly ran after him and saw him frantically looking for someone to take him to you. They walked up and Jin asked a nurse where they could find you. The nurse explained to them that you were in surgery, but they could wait in your assigned room. Heading towards the room, Hoseok couldn’t help but let your fight flash in his mind. Why didn’t he just let you win? Why did he have to let his anger get the best of him? The nurse that led them walked away as soon as they were in the room. They waited around for an hour: Jungkook, Taehyung, and Jimin playing a game on their phones. Jin and Namjoon quietly discussing on the phone with Bang PD about them missing their practice and not knowing when they were going to be back. Hoseok was just staring blankly at the wall across from him. And last was Yoongi, who was keeping a close eye on Hoseok. By the time an hour and half has passed, the members of BTS stood up quickly and watched as a few doctors and nurses wheeled you in on a bed.

 “Which one of you is Jung Hoseok?” a doctor asked the pale faced boys. Hoseok raised his shaking hand. The doctor put a hand out for him to shake, “My name is Doctor Lee, I’m the one who talked to you on the phone. Would you like to know her condition?” Hoseok could only stare at you with tears slowly filling his eyes once again. You looked so pale and dead. 

Yoongi walked up and shook the doctor’s hand for him, “Yes, we would like to know everything if that is allowed.”

“Right,” Doctor Lee cleared his throat and looked at your chart, “L/n Y/n, hit by a drunk driver at a speed of 95mph. She was immediately rushed into surgery. She had lost a lot of blood and has multiple injuries, some more severe than others.”

 Doctor Lee looked up to make sure they were following along. Everyone looked sad and worried, but Hoseok was the worst of them all. He was trying to keep in his sobs so he didn’t miss anything important being said. Yet, it was easier said than done as cries could be heard from him loud and clear. 

Doctor Lee gave him a sad glance and continued, “Injuries include a broken arm, two broken ribs, multiple gashes on her arms and legs,” he gave them all a sympathetic look as he finished, “possible memory loss and is in a coma with no sign of waking u-” 

Doctor Lee was cut off as Hoseok finally let his sobs out and ran out of the room as fast as he could.

 “Hoseok Hyung!” Taehyung, Jimin, and Jungkook all ran after him to make sure he didn’t do anything he would regret. 

--0--0--0--0--

Hoseok kept running, trying to stop his cries but it was of no use. The tears kept rolling down his cheeks and his breathing kept picking up. His heart beat faster and faster as all the possible outcomes of your condition came to the front of his mind: Would you wake up? Are you mad at him? Are you in any pain? Would you remember him if you woke up? Oh god, what if you died?

As he thought that he looked out at the busy street, taking a hesitant step forwards to the dangerous traffic. He couldn’t live without you. You always helped him through everything. He would miss you way too much. And if him dying meant seeing you again then he would gladly die. He was slow, as if in some sort of trance as he walked off the curb. He was almo-

“Hyung!!” Jimin cried out as he grabbed Hoseok’s arm and tugged him back away from the rushing cars. Hoseok started screaming and trying to get out of his arms. Escaping from Jimin’s arms, he tried to run back to the speeding cars. This time it was Jungkook who took a hold of their brother. Hoseok broke down in the middle of the sidewalk and Jungkook slowly lowered them into a sitting position. The people walking looked on at the strange scene, but they didn’t pay any attention to it. All they cared about was making sure their friend was okay.

Jimin sat behind Hoseok and wrapped his arms tightly around him, “Why would you try and do that Hoseok?” He couldn’t be bothered to use honorifics. Not when his brother just tried to kill himself.

Hoseok just continued to cry, not wanting to say the truth. The younger men wouldn’t like his reasoning. They all sat there for a few minutes all of them crying. Taehyung was the one to break the silence surrounding them, “Are you okay Hyung?”

“It was over how I never do anything. How I don’t take care of our apartment like I should. S-she said it felt like I didn’t care enough. I was stupid. If I had just let her win i-if I had just kept her in the building for another ten minutes she wouldn’t be laying in that bed with the possibility of not waking up,” Hoseok’s voice was shaking and so quiet they had to lean in close to hear him.

Taehyung tried to reassure him, “Hoseok Hyung it wasn’t your fault you couldn’t ha-”

He was cut off by Hoseok’s screaming, his voice filled with immense pain, “Yes it is! It’s my fault she was angry! It’s my fault she got in that accident! It’s my fault she’s almost dead!” He trailed off at the end, not wanting to say it too loud. He chuckled humorlessly, “Wanna know what the worst thing is? If she dies...if she dies the last words I had spoken to her..” He couldn’t finish as he started crying harder and choking, trying to breathe.

“What was it Hyung?” Jimin was timid as he asked.

Hoseok looked him straight in the eyes, no emotions visible in his eyes as he said, “...That I wish I had never met her..that I wouldn’t care if she had died as long as she left me alone.” He took a deep breath in, “I told her I wouldn’t care if she died, and now she might actually die. I’ll have to live with the guilt. I killed her. I was the one who told her I didn’t care. What kind of boyfriend says that!?” He became angrier by the second. How could he have been so stupid as to let his anger make him say those things to you? 

“Come on Hyung, let’s go back to the hospital. We don’t know for sure that she won’t wake up,” Jungkook pulled him up and kept a strong grip on him to make sure he doesn’t run out to the street again.

Jimin walked behind them with Taehyung and quietly said, “I personally think she’s going to make it. She would never leave you Hyung. She loves you too much.” This caused a small smile to grace Hoseok’s face and it made them all feel a little bit better. You were going to push through this and wake up. You’d wake up and Hoseok would apologize and everything would go back to the way it was before. Right?

--0--0--0--0--

Arriving back at your room they saw the doctor had left and only the members remained. They were sat around your bed, Yoongi holding your left hand and Namjoon holding your right. As soon as Namjoon saw them come back he let go of your hand so Hoseok could take his place. Hoseok slowly made his way to you, looking your figure over taking in all of your features. You had black, blue, and purple bruises littering your face and arms, along with small and some large cuts. Just the thought of what the bottom half of you looked like made him feel sick. He delicately held your hand, afraid you would break if he held on any tighter. Everyone watched on as he leaned over and put his head by your joined hands.

“Come on guys, let’s give him some alone time with her,” Jin’s voice was quiet as he led them out of the room so Hoseok could talk to you.

As they sat in the chairs outside of your room Jimin spoke up, “Hyungs, we have to tell you what happened.” He spoke softly, almost afraid of Hoseok hearing and feeling even more guilty than he already does.

“He tried to run out into traffic. He said he didn’t want to live without her. That it was all his fault she was in here,” Jungkook took over as Jimin couldn’t get any words out through his sniffling and soft hiccups. The three eldest froze as the words escaped through Jungkook’s lips. Had they heard right? Hoseok was willing to leave everything behind?

Namjoon broke the small silence that had started to form, “What?” The words were whispered as he couldn’t wrap his mind around it. Why would he do that?

“We obviously stopped him, but if she does die, which she won’t, we need to keep a close eye on him,” Taehyung had corrected himself when he received heated glares from his friends.

Yoongi nodded his, “Someone needs to be with him at all times. He can’t get out of anyone’s sight.” They all agreed without any hesitance. They would do anything for Hoseok.

Inside your hospital room, Hoseok looked at you with tears obscuring his vision. His voice was cracking with every other word he spoke, “Y/n, baby, if you can hear me I’m so sorry. Please wake up. I need to see that beautiful smile. I need you to know that I love you.” He sniffled as he waited for a reaction from you. His shoulders fell and he leaned his head on your bed as your body laid limp, your chest moving up and down slowly as you breathed.

The boys walked in and sat in the chairs making Hoseok look up at them with a broken stare. Yoongi walked over to him and put his hand on his shoulder, “We have to leave Hobi. We have to practice for the concert tomorrow.”

Hoseok looked shocked and stuttered, “W-what? Can’t we stay a little longer? Can’t I stay a little longer? I can’t leave her! I need to stay by her side until she wakes up!” He couldn’t leave you. Not now. He had caused you to be here motionless and looking dead. He was not leaving your side. Even if they tried to force him to move, he’d stay rooted to the seat by your side.

“I’m sorry Hyung, but we have to. You can come back after tomorrow. We can’t let the fans down and we can’t perform without you,” Namjoon’s words held sympathy and understanding.

Hoseok looked at them with frantic eyes, “They’d understand! Please let me stay I-I can’t leave.” He begged and begged them, but rules were the rules. The band always came first. It wasn’t fair. How could they expect him to leave you like this? With no one to be by your side? What if you woke up and no one was here? What if you thought he didn’t care?

“I’m sorry Hobi, but we need to leave,” Jin spoke softly not wanting to make the situation worse. Hoseok looked at your face with defeat written clear across his face as he let go of your hand and stood up.

He kissed your lips lightly, “I love you so much princess.”

He followed the boys out with a blank face.

--00--00--00--00--

“Hi baby. It’s been three weeks and you’re still in a coma. The doctors say you’re slowly getting better. They think you’ll wake up soon. I-I hope you do. I miss you so much. Please wake up for me baby. I miss seeing your smile and hearing your laugh. I miss seeing your shining eyes when you talk,” he inhaled and continued with a shaking voice, “The boys miss you too and so do the fans. They say they miss seeing you post pictures of me when I’m doing something embarrassing. They can’t wait for you to wake up to post more.” Tears poured down his cheeks, leaving a glistening trail that he didn’t even bother to wipe off.

Sniffling he kissed your lips and then your forehead, looking at you in anguish and with love, “I have to go now. We have a concert tonight, but I’ll come back tomorrow I promise. I love you princess.”

--00--00--00--00--

“Today marks a month that you’ve been in a come baby. The boys are here with me for this visit. Do you guys want to say anything?” Hoseok ignored the stares of pity they sent him as he looked up from your face. He was past the point of caring what everyone thought of him talking to your unresponsive body. The doctors had told him that it might help you wake up and he’d be an idiot to not take their advice. He’d do anything for you to wake up. Hell, he’d sell his soul to the Devil if it meant he got to see you wake up and smile at him.

Yoongi saw Hoseok’s face fall as no one spoke and he couldn’t have that. He took your left hand that was unoccupied, “Hey Y/n, it’s Yoongi. We all miss you a lot. You need to wake up real soon okay? I’ll even let you come in my studio and you know I hate people coming in there.” He tried to laugh, but it got caught in his throat. He was really close to you and it hurt to see you like this. He abruptly got up and walked over to lean on the wall. He hid his tears well, but everyone could hear his quiet sniffling.  

“Hey Y/n-ah, I hope you’re not in too much pain. When you wake up we can play that game you’ve been wanting to play. It just came out and I bought it for you. I haven’t played it or even opened it. I want you to be there when I do, ” Jungkook took Yoongi’s place and lightly kissed your hand as he got up so someone else could speak.

Taehyung was next, “Hey loser I miss having you as my model for my photography. I found a really cool place we can take pictures at when you get better. I think you’ll like it. It has so many flowers and I know you love flowers.” He gave your cheek a light kiss, “Get better soon Y/n.”

By now everyone had tears falling wanting nothing more than for you to wake up. No one told or spoke of it when Hoseok was near, but they were slowly losing hope that you would awaken. The doctor said it was normal for most coma patients to wake up after four weeks. They were afraid you wouldn’t be like the others. No one knew what Hoseok would do if you didn’t recover.

“Hey Y/n-ah, you’re looking better. All of your bruises have gone away and your cuts have healed. I came up with a new dance for us to learn if, I mean when you wake up. Hoseok Hyung I-” Jimin stuttered at the end when they all glared at him for his slip up. They then looked to Hoseok and saw his shoulders sink with a look of hopelessness on his features.

Jin pushed Jimin away and tried to reassure everyone, especially Hoseok, “You will wake up and when you do we can do an episode of EatJin!” He brushed some hair away from your forehead and gave it a kiss.

“We’ll work on some songs if you want when you recover Y/n,” Namjoon smiled and gave your knuckles a kiss.

Yoongi looked at the time and put arm around Hoseok’s shoulders, “I’m sorry Hobi but we have to leave now. We got that meeting.”

Hoseok sighed as he looked at you with longing causing the members hearts to clench. He looked so sad and broken. Jimin regrets basically saying you weren’t going to wake up. He probably broke Hoseok even more and made him lose hope.

“You wake up soon, okay Y/n? You need to wake up before we go on tour. Army misses you so much and they need you to wake up. If you don’t want to wake up for any of us then at least wake up for Hobi Hyung. He misses you the most. He loves you so much and he needs you to wake up. Okay Y/n? Wake up for us please,” Jimin’s voice shook as his cries slowly became louder. Taehyung pulled him into a hug and whispered soothing things in his ear trying to calm him down.

Hoseok had started crying halfway through Jimin’s little speech and couldn’t stop even if he tried, “Please wake up soon Y/n, I miss you so much. I’ll see you soon I love you baby girl.” He gave you one last kiss and let go of your hand.

As a group they stared at you one last time and left the room, their hope slowly decreasing the longer they had to wait for you to wake.

--00--00--00--00--

“It’s been two months since I’ve last seen your beautiful eyes and your breathtaking smile. We leave for tour in two weeks. I know that even if you still aren’t awake you’ll be cheering us on. If you can hear me, squeeze my hand. Move your fingers just please do something so I know you can hear me. Please baby…” Hoseok was once again crying. Everyone in the room held their breath as they waited to see any sign of you moving. Collectively they let out a sad sigh as you remained unresponsive.

Namjoon cleared his throat, “Why don’t we let Hoseok have some time with her?” Six of the seven members nodded their agreement and followed him out so Hoseok could speak in private.

“Baby please...please wake up. I don’t know how much longer I can go on without hearing your voice. You need to wake up because I can’t do this without you. Y/n baby please, please, please wake up.” Hoseok’s hold on your hand tightened as your heart monitor starting slowing down, “No, no baby please. You can’t die. Please don’t die. Y/n please.” He leaned over your body, grabbing onto you with a tight grip and he started screaming and weeping. Your heart monitor had flat-lined.

The boys heard all of the noise from the hallway and ran in, followed by doctors and nurses. What they saw was going to be engraved in their memories: You were looking paler than you had when they left the room. The monitor was flat. Hoseok was clinging your body to him while doctors and nurses tried to get him to let you go.

All six of the BTS members ran and clutched Hoseok pulling him off of you after a few tries. As they pulled him out of the room, the hospital staff started giving you CPR trying their hardest to revive you. Outside your room Hoseok was still yelling out and trying desperately to get to you. He couldn’t leave you. You couldn’t be gone. He wouldn’t believe it. You would never leave him. He gave up on his plan to get to you and instead switched to trying to run away. The only thing he could think about was being with you. In the afterlife. Realizing this the guys held onto him while forming a circle around him. They wouldn’t let their brother end his life. No, they knew you wouldn’t want that.

Fifteen minutes later and the staff inside your room came out with grave faces. This causes Hoseok to break down even more. Yelling how it wasn’t fair. You were too young to leave the world. You had nothing wrong. How it was all his fault. That’s what kept running through his head: It’s his fault. He killed you. He’s the reason you were dead. You died thinking he wouldn't care. That he hated you. What they didn’t know was that while a nurse was turning off the heart monitor and putting everything away you were slowly waking up. You groaned as the nurse was writing on your chart.

Her head snapped up to look at you with wide eyes. Regaining her focus she rushed to you, “Y/n sweetie? Can you hear me?” You groaned once again as your eyes fluttered open slowly. You winced at the bright light before you got used to it.

The nurse ran out of the room, “She’s awake!!” Everyone’s head turned towards her fast and rushed into the room to see you sitting there looking around in slight confusion. Doctor Lee came over and took your vitals while the nurse hooked you back up to the heart monitor. In the meantime the BTS boys were all staring at you in disbelief as tears flowed down their cheeks. They couldn’t believe it. You were alive.  

“Would you guys like to come over here and see her?” Doctor Lee smiled at them and proceeded out of the room with the nurse following.

Six out of seven of them rushed over as Hoseok stayed rooted to the place he was standing at. He felt as if his legs wouldn’t allow him to move. He desperately wanted to come and hold you but he was afraid. What if you didn’t remember him? What if you hated him? They all looked at him as his eyes watered.

“Hi Hobi,” your voice was soft as you gave a small smile. Seeing you smile and hearing your voice caused him to rush towards you, crushing you in his arms.

He sobbed into your hair, “I missed you so much. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry baby. Please don’t hate me.” His sobs grew in volume as you filled him with great relief, “I could never hate you Hobi.”

You pulled away from him after a while and looked at the boys with a big grin, “So about all those promises you made me.”

“You heard us?” Yoongi asked you in disbelief. They didn’t think you could actually hear them.

You chuckled, “Oh yeah I did and I can’t wait to see your sacred studio Yoongi-ah!” This caused him to groan and throw his head back in annoyance. Although anyone could tell he wasn’t really annoyed seeing as he had a huge smile gracing his face.

“You’re coming on tour with us and I don’t care what Bang PD says. You’re not leaving my sight. Ever.” Hoseok spoke in such a serious tone that everyone knew he wasn’t going to be taking a no as an answer .

You looked at him lovingly, “I love you so much Hoseok.”

“I love you so much more Y/n,” love was heard in his words and he gave you a soft and passionate kiss.

[cinnbar-bun]

Ah, i just...have a bit on my mind and honestly I needed to vent a little. Feel free to ignore or something, I might delete this anyways.

It’s been a while since I started this blog (very close to a year actually) and throughout that time I’ve gone through many ups and downs. I told myself I’d be content just having at least one person who liked my stuff, but overtime, I quickly realized I was not content with that.

I am selfish for that. I am, and I’m not afraid to say that I am selfish, because honestly, writing takes its toll after so long. You get into a weird funk where over fifty half finished drafts of stories you wanted to share just sit, and anytime your hand moves to the keyboard you quit. Writing is tiring, and I’ll admit, I’ve slacked on it.

And it’s tiring that when I do post something, hardly any notes appear. Is it selfish of me? Yes. I have nearly 300 followers, and time after time I struggle to get more than ten notes on something I wrote. It feels like I’m screaming into the void, showing idea after idea, concept after concept, and no ones listening. It’s no ones fault, and it’s something I, and many other fanfic writers, have to deal with. Most of the time we are not artists, art is much easier to consume and spread around. Heck, when you look at the tag of your favorite show or game, chances are, majority of those are pictures or art. And where does that leave us writers?

It leaves us hanging. I’ve told myself time and time again to stop caring about the notes, but when everything is so difficult and there’s just so much going on, that when I finally post I’m irritated to see that it’s just a thing that exists. It makes me feel like I’m not doing enough, like I’m not writing enough, like I’m not writing good enough, like I’m not interesting enough. And it makes me want to give up. So many times I just thought, ‘screw it! Why bother showing these things? No one cares anyways!’

I live for the interaction. I want more people to talk to me, I want more people to tell me their day or something funny, I want more people to reblog and say what they liked or what they didn’t. I love talking to you guys. I really do. And it feels so empty to look at this blog, something I created with people in mind, just be so quiet. I am not a machine. I am a human, and like every other human, there is only so much I can take. There is only so much I can do before I feel completely and utterly exhausted and out of ideas. I really wish I could pretend I was perfect and fine, but I’m not. I’m tired. I don’t find joy in looking at my work ‘just existing’.

I don’t expect this to be read. I don’t care if it is. If you read it, then thank you. And if you don’t, that’s cool too. I just want this to be fun again. I just want to enjoy being here and writing again. Once again, thank you guys for following me and being here, and I apologize for being this... negative and emotional. I really don’t like doing this. I really don’t like burdening others with my feelings, but this was something that had been bothering me for so long. I know you don’t really care about me being depressing like this and just want me to write, and I will, soon. I hope you guys can bare with me for a moment.

[moriavis]

Right About the Void, Bele/Memir

Did I, like an idiot, ignore the actual instructions of the meme and write you a fic? And did I, like an idiot, lose the first scene because I was typing it into the tumblr window?

The answer to both of those questions is yes.

send me a made-up fic title and a ship and i’ll tell you what i would write to go with it

~*~

Memir stepped through the door of the set of small, shabby rooms where he lived and paused when he saw Bele, who was grinning widely and almost vibrating with excitement. All he wanted was dinner and a bath, but when Bele looked like this, he was impossible to calm down.

"What?" Memir went to the small table in the corner of the room and poured himself a glass of water from the pitcher.

"Don't 'what' me," Bele said. "Listen, I think I've got our next score."

Memir arched his eyebrow and gestured for Bele to continue as he leaned against the table as he took a sip of water, watching as Bele went from excited to scowling in less than a minute.

"Don't look at me like that. Listen. We've done pretty good for ourselves this week, but there's no guarantee we'll continue to be so lucky."

"What are you planning now?" Memir asked.

"What am I--excuse me for trying to keep your sorry ass alive. Never fucking mind, I'll do it by myself."

Memir set down his cup and looked at Bele a little harder. It obviously wasn't the time to push. Memir could count on one hand how many of Bele's plans actually worked. Letting him flounce off alone might make his life simpler right now, but it always became more complicated later.

"Hey." Bele frowned harder and turned away, crossing his arms over his chest--His pale hair looked silver even in the golden lamplight, and something twisted uncomfortably in Memir's stomach. He was attached. He wanted to throw up. "What's the plan?"

Bele cut a look over at Memir, and apparently found whatever expression Memir had to be acceptable, because he loosened up and turned to face him. "Okay, I heard that there's movement on a jewel called The Void tonight. Chatter on the street says it should fetch a pretty penny."

"Won't everyone be after it?"

Bele laughed and reached out to squeeze Memir's shoulder. "No one's as fast as we are. We could get in and out before anyone even notices."

Bele's touch was warm, and it made Memir antsy, anxiety coiling in his stomach. He shrugged Bele off and ignored the flash of hurt that crossed his face. "We're going to die."

Bele rolled his eyes. "And you call me dramatic."

~*~

Surprisingly, it was an easy job. There was no one in Azmarin willing to take the same risks Bele was. They were fast, it was true, but Memir couldn't help the screaming of his instincts telling him they should stop where they were and go home empty-handed.

"Bele," Memir said, but Bele just waved him away.

"You're getting cold feet and I'm not letting you distract me. Keep watch, I'll get the door."

Memir took a deep breath, staring out into the corridor as Bele tried to pick the lock. The only people there besides them were the two guards they'd knocked out, and he was pretty sure they weren't going to wake up any time soon. Bele made a small, triumphant sound behind him and tapped Memir's elbow--Memir took point, his daggers in hand, but it was an unnecessary precaution. There was no one in the room.

There was, however, a small box on the desk in the center of the room, and the way it was presented made Memir's stomach turn with nervousness. "We should go."

Bele rolled his eyes. "We're right here, Memir. It's too late to turn back now."

Memir shook his head and faced the door again. "Just get it. Let's go."

There wasn't a response, and it wasn't like Bele to let Memir have the last word, so he turned around.

He was alone in the room. The box was open, the black jewel sitting on its cushion innocuous and quite lovely, and Memir rubbed his hand over his face.

The light guard, the lack of competition--the fucking thing was cursed, wasn't it? He was alone, and Bele…

Memir should leave, plain and simple. He should go back home, gather his stuff, and head south. If he followed the Kingsroad, he was pretty sure he could find enough people to rob until he found a place to settle. Bele was just an unlucky bastard.

The gem was called The Void, for crying out loud.

Memir raised his eyes to the ceiling, muttered a soft, heartfelt, "Fuck," and reached down to pick up the gem.

~*~

Everything was dark.

Even with Memir's darkvision, he could barely see five, ten feet in front of his face. He reached out and felt nothing.

"Bele?"

Someone was watching him; he could feel the hard, heavy weight of eyes on him. It made the space between his shoulder blades itch.

You wish my prize?

Memir didn't hear the voice with his ears--his mind recoiled at the oily intrusion of thoughts alien to his own, and he mustered up all the courage he had.

It was a very small amount.

"Give Bele back to me," Memir managed to choke out. "And I'll leave you in peace."

I hunger.

Memir closed his eyes; they weren't doing him much good anyway. "He's not a good meal. He's stupid and scrawny."

Then I will eat you as well.

Memir swallowed, his skin growing clammy and cold. "I'm also stupid and scrawny."

Yes. The word was a sibilant, terrifying hiss, and Memir could barely breathe through a growing fog of claustrophobia. I will eat you both.

"Let us go, and I'll break it. The gem."

You offer me freedom?

The terrifying, overwhelming weight of the darkness receded, and Memir could breathe again. "Yes. Let us go, and I'll free you."

I will keep your lover until your promise is fulfilled. The voice--the thought, the entity, whatever it was-- curled around him and Memir shuddered.

When he opened his eyes, he was back in the room. It was dim without any moonlight coming in through the windows, but he could see.

Thank the gods.

Memir knocked the gem to the ground and went to the desk, his muscles screaming in protest as he dragged it forward. He kicked the gem toward one of the desk legs, and with all his strength he knocked the desk over.

He lifted the edge of the desk once, and dropped it to the ground. Again. Again.

He knew immediately when the obsidian stone finally cracked, because Bele appeared on the floor beside him, unconscious and sweaty. Memir collapsed to his knees next to him and reached out to check for his pulse. It was there. Bele was alive.

Memir was going to kill him.

Well met, Oathkeeper. The oily, dark voice curled around Memir again, and he froze, his hand spasming on Bele's wrist. I will remember you.

And then, all at once, they were alone.

Memir, full of adrenaline and a terror he couldn't admit even to himself, managed to drag Bele over his shoulders.

Then there was nothing left to do but run.

~*~

Bele didn't wake up until they were almost home, and they staggered in the street like drunks. Memir managed to steer Bele into their rooms and then collapsed on the bed, staring sightlessly up at the ceiling.

“You’re telling me there wasn’t anything there?" Bele asked.

"What do you remember?" Memir asked flatly.

"I got the door unlocked, and there was a box." Bele's pout was audible in his voice, and Memir closed his eyes as the bed dipped beneath Bele's weight. "We really didn't get anything?"

"We didn't get caught." Memir was wildly and abruptly grateful that Bele, at least, was ignorant of the thing that had been trapped in the gem. The thing that almost killed them both.

Bele sighed. "I'm sorry." The apology was soft and genuine, and Memir wasn't sure he'd ever heard that tone from Bele before. "I keep dragging you on wild goose chases. You must be so tired of me."

Memir didn't know what to say, his words all tangled on his tongue, so he sat up and bumped his shoulder against Bele's before he moved over to the other bed and started unlacing his boots. "I'm going to bed."

Bele sighed, but didn't argue. "I'll get the lights for you."

"No." Memir knew he'd spoken too sharply when Bele flinched, but he couldn't bring himself to care, the memory of that stark, relentless darkness still fresh in his mind. "You can leave them on."

~*~

[abripikuunah]

Tomorrow In The Firework’s Edge (Part 1/?)

Authors: Abripikuuhnah and Matthew’s Poems 

Ratings: R-17 (Warnings: Suicidal thoughts, Future smut, Foul Language, Hints of Abuse.)

Words: 12,095

Notes: I want to give a huge shout out to my big brother, Kuya Mat, for helping me to edit, add scenes, and flesh out chapter even more to write this fic into reality . And to @xkanekitoukax​ , thank you for reading the story and criticizing it to help me improve the chapter and see which scenes I should draw (but not now I’m so sorry ToT) ! This fic won’t exist without out you guys!

My apologize to those people who waited for this fic.  In all honesty, this was supposed to be posted a month ago but due to my computer and environmental problems which I will explain in a later post, this fic was supposed to have a neatly as much a professional illustrations alongside with it,so it have to be postponed. Unfortunately, I hate to say it but I can’t finish these illustrations and currently can’t show them to you right now. I will explain the problem here (x)

But never worries, if I finally finish the scenes, I’ll post them here too, so check out for that!

I’m very sorry though, I don’t want people to keep waiting,and I have to post this so I could move on and proceed to the next chapter. 

If you liked this fic, Please reblog , comment and send me your reactions! It will truly help us motivated and be determined to create more polished chapter’s and fics in the future.

Hope you enjoy!

Ken Kaneki squinted his eyes and realized that it's already morning. He raised his wrist, looking at his watch just to find out that two more hours away until he reaches his destination. He yawns quietly and stretches his arms out a little bit, being mindful to the sleeping person beside him. His eyes peered through the window and looked at the view that has presented before his eyes. Just before the dreamless sleep, was the industrious city of Tokyo, now being replaced by the picturesque sight of the fields.  He could see grains, leaves and flowers that has been wrapped in thick snow of late December . A dark hue of blue with a light tint of red that has painted the colors of the sky helped him to be put into ease. Taking out his favorite book, he took out  his bookmarks and begins to read picking up where he left off. Morning dew has come... Warmth of his jacket. The smooth movements of the bus, soothing his mind in relaxing state, hearing the soft noise of the AC unit keeping down the passengers in a quiet slumber while dawn started to rise. A book in his hand where words convey a tragic story into life. Ah. A breather. Peace... A peace where he's free from all the horrible events is all he ever wanted, and he got it. It something that felt like surreal, like a fantasy, like a star that is a billion miles away from his grasp . Something that he imagined that is very imperceptible to occur in his life. An event he will always exaggerate about. But look at him now, he's sitting in a bus, wordlessly waiting for the vehicle to reach the town of Osaka. However, he noticed something when he can't concentrate on his book, statics darkens in his eyes, his mind into something else palpable . Of course... That thought will always stay as a dream. The word 'Peace' is just an obscenity to this pathetic world of his. In his world, his story flashes before his eyes .A furious mother, an uncompassionate Aunt, his best friend who is now in the hospital bed all because of his uselessness ,powerless , selfishness . A sea of blood and grief that was caused by no one else but himself. Brutal waves full of lugubrious screams forcefully drowning him into the depths of insanity. He was reminded that he will never have peace. His mind starts tormenting him with awful words again and again. He can't escape, he knows that very well. No matter how much he ran, or when his limbs are free from the shackles, his heart and soul wasn't ; Both are glued in guilt and depression. The pace of his breathing becomes quicker and quicker. He forcefully clamped both of his eyelids, trying to get himself together. 'It'll be over soon' a whisper reminded him. It'll be over soon. Soon... His mind repeats over and over again, reminding himself . And that 'Soon' will be tonight, where tonight will be the last night of his life. The last night he will witness this brutal world mocking him, and he'll take a leap to take himself and these demons disappear in the void with him . It'll be all over. How laughable. Pathetic is the best way to describe his whole being, his whole damn life . Just like the weather outside, despite the sunrise warming up the sky , everything in the ground, where dirt and garbages are left, the place where he belong is... So cold and so lonely. Leaning towards the window, Kaneki closes his eyes once more, resting his book atop of his lap and hopes to god he would never wake up and instead be drowned to death right now.

Unfortunately, the smell of coffee beans kicks him out of his stupor.

After he arrived at the bus station, Kaneki heard his stomach grumbling, telling him that it's time for breakfast. He doesn't really have a big appetite ,all he wanted to have was a warm cup of coffee and a light meal. Still, the overnight trip from the bus is enough to make him hungry. So he walks, exercising by strolling a bit in the streets of Osaka.

After a few minutes of walking through closed shops , he stops.

His nose picked up an aromatic smell of coffee . The strong daring scent lures him. His legs follows the fragrance like a compass until he found himself standing right infront of the cafe named 'Antieku'.

His eyes peers through the window finding a large amount of people inside, almost occupying the whole cafe. Well that's no surprise. Today is December 30, probably the last day where stores opens for the year. Most restaurants should be closed now; so having to eat in an aromatic cafe for breakfast doesn't sound inappreciable. Antique cups and platters are exhibited on top of the glass display.  Vintage books are tucked through the shelves where customers are allowed to borrow a book whenever they wished. Waiters and waitresses scrambled all over the place, serving each of their patrons with politeness.

Rudely his stomach grumbles again , insisting himself to just go enter in, which he did.

As he was inside the cafe, a waiter greeted him but was too busy to usher him.  So he looked around and thanked himself mentally for having the advantage of being a lone wolf. Right besides the window, he found a small table that's available for two persons where he can watch the busy roads outside the cafe. The spot is adequately nice , which he really liked.

After settling down and a waitress gave him quickly a menu, he fixed his gaze to the given glass next to him, presenting him a lively world,yet it lets him imagine the city without him. Ruthlessly, his thoughts starts digging deeper and deeper.

He saw children running around, only for Kaneki chuckles at the sight, glad that they're free and joyful unlike his pitiful childhood. Grown up folks are scattered around the town, readying themselves for the whole day, he got a bit envious at that thought, because here he is, sitting like a sore loser he was.

But that doesn't matter...

Kids are going to school, being free spirits like nothing's changed. Adults kept working 24/7, thrusting themselves in the world of society like nothing's changed. People just living, doing their daily life like nothing's changed. It's not like they care anyway. Even if he died, nothing will make a difference to any of these individuals fate.

Taking a deep breath , he shifted his sights at the cafe to revise his gloomy cogitation.

Other than the room being crowded, he understands why this place must be popular. From the smell of grinded coffee arouses him, a warm and welcoming ambiance greets every customers. To each aesthetic this place has picked to displayed more friendly atmosphere to ventilate the mood, to how each waiters and waitresses treated their customers with their warm smiles. Overall, in his account, this cafe is such a great place already . And something else where he can't lay a finger on. But of course, it doesn't matter.

Then the irritatingly loud growl was heard again , reminding him to get some food already . He picked up a menu to select his desired dish. After he ate pancakes for breakfast, Kaneki took out a novel and begins to read the book he's currently reading again, Phantasm of Death.  A story about a delusional protagonist where he is trapped inside of a dangerous island, where beings and creatures existed. A story where it experiments human physiology about their questionable desires , like the protagonist where he desires death yet also fears death. Drawn to the confusion between living and dying. It makes him deeply invested to the story. Just when he opened the book and located the page where he left off, he took out two thick papers he tucked between the pages he have left off. To some people, it looks like it just a piece of bookmarks that will eventually be thrown away.  But for Ken Kaneki, it's a whole other story. Somehow, seeing these ornaments make him feel resentful instead. Growing agitated while these these cruel thoughts worsened , his eyes profusely scanned the paragraphs that's been written in the book, forcefully trying to distract himself once more. The last thing he wanted was having a breakdown inside the cafe. He's almost done with this book anyway. Ten or more so chapters and it will be all complete.If he finishes it, there will be no distractions anymore , making the pain to come back , mocking him with a lot of miserable memories and sullen insinuations again. He knows that he doesn't have the willpower to withstand it. So ending his life once and for all is the solution he has to finish all the pain he's shouldering.   "Sir..." A voice surprises him despite it's gentle tone. "Excuse me, young man ."the voice asked gently again  ,Kaneki noticed a palm being offered in front of him. Still a bit startled, he looked up , learning the owner's voice is an old waiter. The waiter gave him a genuine reassuring smile."Would you like seconds sir?"  he continued, referring to the coffee. Understanding, Kaneki gave a quick nod, "Oh, please." The old man took Ken's cup before he refills it. When his beverage is served , all his coils vanished temporarily as he took the cup to his face and whiff on the aromatic fragrance , letting the steam tickle his skin. Kaneki thinks this is one of the best coffee he has tasted. To him coffee is just coffee and nothing more, but this cafe has given such a special blend to serve. The drink alone helps him put on ease .He doesn't mind spending his savings for the coffee, he would die and his money will just go to waste. So having a quality cup before death isn't a thought that bugged him at all. After a few more refills, the old man gave out a pleasant chuckled "You sure seem to like our coffee.You're new here sir?" "Oh yes, I just came here to visit" he simply answered, "and the coffee here is the best. I really loved it." he says, impetuously draws out a grin , rewarded with another kind smile "Well that's nice to hear. We're glad you enjoyed it." He places the cup back to the platter and goes to assist other customers. Several minutes has passed , Kaneki was about to reach the conclusion of the novel. He decided to stop there and saved it for later. His eyes cast at the wall clock and saw that it's almost noon. He requested for his bill and was bewildered that he only has to pay for the pancakes he ordered. He took his belongings and went up to the cashier ,telling them about the missing item in his receipt. "You don't have to worry about that young man." A familiar voice called. It was the same old waiter who have served him coffee,"On the house.". "Um.. Are you sure sir?" He blinks, " I asked for too many refills." He uttered awkwardly . "You really don't have to worry about it." he repeats ,"As the manager of the cafe, it's my pleasure to greet newcomers with our proud home blend coffee for free." He insisted. Well it will be rude the more he resisted. Nodding at the kind manager, he pays his food and went at the front door with the old man ushering him. "Please come again soon." The manager bids, opening the door for his patron. Unconsciously, Ken puts his index finger at his chin "I-I will." Then leaves the place. As he went out off the front door, someone noticed his presence , and with wide eyes followed his fading figure through the window. Voice came out as soft like a prayer. She whispered the name of someone she has wanted to see for a long time- "Kaneki...?" --------------------------------------------------------- First he went to a bathhouse to clean himself up. When the hot water touches his cold skin, his tense muscles starts to relax a little . He gives himself a moment to deliberate about what he would do next in the journey . Of course other than proceeding with his 'dying-in-style' plan here, he also wants to grant a promise that he and his best friend made when they were still little kids. Unintentionally, he recollected a past memory. It was a class trip in Hakodate while he was still in 6th grade. If he remembered correctly, he wasn't supposed to come along but Hide forced him and asked his mother.

"Ow!" The timid boy yelped in pain as he was being tackled by his friend in the sandbox on a breezy Saturday noon. "Ken Kaneki where the hell have you been!" His best friend, Hideyoshi Nagachika or Hide by what you call him, nudged the poor boy in front of him, while Kaneki ,gently rubbed his own stomach to soothe the pain , "I've been worried sick! You're rarely late or absent to class .I even went to your place and nobody is answering and-" he noticed the bandages in his arm. Hide pointed "Dude, just what the heck and where did you get this ?" He looks at him with concern. What happened yesterday? "I-I fell" he answer reassuringly , trying to mask the grief impression he almost attempted to display with his tone. He instinctively hides his arms from Hide's vision, yet failed miserably . He catches Hide's eyes that were observing his bruised limbs are disquieted with doubt.

"That's it?" He says in disbelief . Urgently, Kaneki moved his lips "The bruises are bad, I can't move a leg so... that's why I was taken to a nearby clinic haha." He answers him spontaneously by lying . Always lying , doing the usual routine he's bound to do. Just when can he stop hiding things from him? But just as he frequently used to fib at him, Hide never pushed on the subject, he just analyze his face and the bandages like a tricky quiz and move on, "Okay if that's what you say..." He took a toy shovel and starts digging in the sand, "Let me help you with what your building. " he said before giving a small toothy grin, much to Kaneki's relief. While they've continue establishing the sand castle with their hands , Kaneki decided to ask another topic, "S-so how was class yesterday?" He stutters. His friend blinks, and has stopped moving. The moment Kaneki asked that question seems to have triggered something in Hide's gears,"Dude..." his voice deepens. Kaneki stiffened . Did something bad happen yester- "We're going to have a trip in Hakodate!" Hide squeals , eyes shimmering. 'Oh.' Kaneki thinks, depleting his worries , 'So a school field trip then...' "That's nice..." he simply responded ,shifting Hide's bright expression into puzzled face . His wide eyes gazed at him like he killed his dog or something. Yet Kaneki chose to ignore him and keep doing his work. "'That's nice...'?" "Yeeah?" "Dude are you kidding me?! A trip to Hakodate will be would be super dope as hell! " he grabs Kaneki's shoulder, accidentally stepping on the castle they're currently working on ,making the boy protest about his now ruined creation until Hide decided to disrupt before his friend complain . "We could go up the trees , try out some food, sneak away during lights out, see the view above the mountain- That isn't 'Nice'." Hide scoffed ,then a light bulb appeared in his brain. "Kaneki you have to go this time! You never go to class trips!" He said in a demanding tone. He daydreams as the image of the thrilling adventures they could both do together vast in his mind, kept on shaking his best friend ,who's probably thinking the opposite . These are one of those times where Kaneki didn't really know how him and Hide are able to maintain their friendship despite their opposite demeanor. So he crack a smile with annoyance ,"You could just go without me. I would be okay here ,just gonna finish this book" he says, taking an item out of his bag and raised the literature he currently reads. But Hide still looks at him, discontent, as he roughly puts the book down from his vision then crosses his arms "That's the whole point! You have to take a break from your comfort zone and man up! You're always reading those boring books like an old man. No wonder why you can't pick up the ladies!" Ken pouts .Hide doesn't understand-or atleast, doesn't know. It's not that he could blame him , because he doesn't really need to know. A sharp pain throbs in his stomach that starts aching again. Reminding him about his mother, who left the abrasion in his belly. He squeezed his lids closed , thinks about yesterday's events and the future troubles that were already animating in his mind. The expenses she has to cover for the trip,her worries about what will happen to him if anything bad happens- He wouldn't even receive any concern from a mother, instead he'll receive to much frustration from her and she will beat him up , damaging his body even more. Besides, his mother have enough problems already. He can't be selfish and ask something trivial for his own happiness and let his mother bare the burden for it. But he can't also tell Hide that. Or else greater consequences will occur. He doesn't know what to do, nevertheless he found himself muttered "My mom won't let me." A few seconds slipped with the wind for Hide's eyes to soften "That's why?" He asked softly, Kaneki hesitantly nods in response, getting off guard, letting Hide have the opportunity to grab his sling bag and arm before he started to march off,dragging Kaneki along. "H-hey Hide what are you doing!?" Kaneki exclaimed, wanting to stop his best friend, yet he found his own legs following Hide's trail. "Don't worry about it man, I'll ask for her permission on your behalf. I'm sure she'll agree." Hide says with optimism , giving him a reassuring smile. "And I'm pretty sure you also want to come along don't you?" Of course he wants to, he wants to get away from the grim house , stay away from his mother even for a brief moment . But he can't, he just can't. Just as he said before , asking his mother for her blessing is a big 'No' in a snap of a finger, telling Hide his reasons why he refused only bring more burdensome at him and to her immediately. Trying a weak attempt to stop him, Kaneki quickly lied again "N-no." But it didn't seem to work as his best friend grimace. "Shut up you clearly wanted to." He continues, still walking ,passing house to house until they reached Ken's flat. "Just let me handle this. You'll come with us!" Defeated, he shuts his mouth and stared at his feet while Hide knocks the door and turns to wink at him. The poor boy looks at him in disbelief. Is Hide really that stubborn and a birdbrain just for the sake for Kaneki to come with him? Nothing better would come out even if his mother agree.This whole deal is impractical, really. The door opens and Ken flinches, making his current dismay fade in the breeze only to be replaced by a bigger one. He noticed a pair of slippers appeared. Swallowing, he mustered up the courage to look up from his mother's face only to find a confuse stare dawned on them. "What are you two boys doing here?" She asked ,shifting her gazes at the both of them. "Ma'am, I'm really sorry if we made an hassle but I want to ask if I could barrow Kaneki for uh... two to three days?" He raised his three fingers. At his surprise, his mother seems amused as she raised an eyebrow and leaned her back at the door frame "Why's that?" "Oh well , the school will have a trip in the Hakodate. I was thinking of bringing him along.Can he go with us? I promise to take full fledged responsibility if anything happens." He proposed, looking expectedly at her with a proud smile. But behind his outburst aura was his terrified friend. However his affright expression shifted. Her lips curved into a sad smile .His mother took a soft glare at him. Both of her eyes shimmered . Surprisingly , instead of flinching like the natural response, her son stared at her, confused. That wasn't a harsh glare that makes him tremble with fear or feel being threatened. Her smile is genuine, he could tell that it's not fake or an act.   It was a expression that's he rarely seen from her. Something that gives him an odd fuzzy feeling ,making him process to convince himself that it wasn't an illusion or a dream. But it's real. Then before he knew it, his mother told them her answer. ... Apparently, thanks to Hide's reckless actions, Kaneki is now walking with a sea of kids to reach the mountaintop. That night when Hide asked for her permission , his mother questioned him if he truly wants to go. He said yes and answered her sincerely and was surprised that she agreed and didn't give him another beating. Guilt was shimmering in her eyes along with her face and her tone. She apologized to him about the way she treated him yesterday .But it didn't matter to him anymore. His mind was clouded with thoughts that he will finally be far away form this house and from her beatings. She just told him not to worry about it and she'll find a way. She also told him not to misbehave and be careful out there. But even with her consent, he can't help but having mixed feelings about the whole thing. He felt so happy, but it worries him so much that it also scares him. The expenses, her well being, getting away from the future terrible days that's about to come- just everything crashes in his mind. Yet his mother just gave him a genuine smile , softly combing the fringe of his dark hair using her fingers and bid him good night to call it a day. The whole night, a small smile crept his face, overwhelmed as tears drips, staining his sheets until he was able to be tucked in a peaceful slumber underneath the starless night  . ... In Hakodate, one of the most infamous spots here is the view from the mountain, where you can sightsee the city. After a few more efforts, they finally reached the destination they've been waiting for... The summit of the mountain where they could see the whole town. Hide quickly ran to the deck to save himself and Kaneki the best spot even if the cheeky kid got scolded. "Woah." Kaneki said in awe as he saw the picturesque view his eyes delivered upon him. Lights flickering along the city that's covered in early November snow. Colors brightly glistening in the starry sky painted with the hue of oranges and blue. The whole sight catches his words away. While admiring the whole scenery, Kaneki was interrupted when an arm wrapped around his shoulder. "So what do you think?" Hide asked, smiling brightly at his friend . "It's great." He chimed , making Hide beamed ,"Told ya!" "T-thanks alot Hide." Kaneki moved his cold lips as he also cracked a smile, "Aw no problem bro. Told you need it," he ruffled his friend's hair ,"But seriously, your mom is really scary when I talked to her. I was quite a bit anxious for a sec hehe." he scratched his cheek, thinking about the time when he confronted his best friend's mother. "Hide... You really don't need to do that. I could've done it myself." he murmurs as he received a light punch in the shoulder, "You kidding me right? You seem to be much more a scardy cat than I am, and if I do let you do it, you wouldn't say a thing to her like you always do! So I have to take the initiative!" The boy sighs and decided to end this pointless conversation and continue to appreciate the landscape. The more they would talk about it, the more her remembered the worst things his mother committed , "Ah well, it already happened so might as well let go of the past." Kaneki mutters. Thankfully, Hide seems to get the idea and turn to face the bright town. For a few moment, the his friend took a deep breath, creating mist in his mouth and called his best friend, "Hey Kaneki." "Yeah?" "In the future..." His eyes scanned the whole city before he go even further "Do you want to travel all the cool places in Japan together?" He asked, leaning his arms at the fence as he continue to stare at the town. Ken follows, yet also pictures them going place by place, like the characters in fairy tales when they venture the world. Eating all kinds of food ,exploring cool new things. The thought seems like a better idea than staying inside the dark house everyday and everynight. Not to mention that he would love to see more attractions like these, where instead of looking at images behind the screens, his eyes will witness the real thing. Kaneki breaks out a grin "Sure. Traveling Japan as a whole... seems kinda fun!" Hide smiled jovially and pat his friend's shoulder  "Then it's settled! When we're adults ,both you and me will travel the whole country with our girlfriends!" "Okay where did that come from!?" He jumped at his last statement , totally not expecting that. But Hide kept chuckling ,"Duh, it's a joke." Then a smug smirk crept his face "But it's bound to happen , I think. I don't know about you though. You're a bit nerdy for a girl." He continues , teasing the boy beside him, making Kaneki scoff, "Shut up." "Jeez taking a joke seriously Kenny boy?"  he says in amusement as Kaneki laughs sarcastically before giving him a face. "Hey don't give me that look." Hide stops as Kaneki chuckles and decided to turn around and ignore him . He received a light tap on the shoulder ,making Kaneki face up to Hide. He puts his hands on his hips and starts looking around their surroundings  "We better move, I'm sure there's still alot of awesome things going around in this place before we go." Kaneki nods in agreement. As both boys started to wander around, Kaneki looked back at the balcony for one last time and noticed a small figure in the crowd, looking yearningly at the view presented to them. He also found that in their eyes, he can see only sorrow reflected behind those longing gaze. ... Then his eyes darted open, brought back in the present time. 'Then it's settled! When we're adults ,both you and me will travel the whole country!' Hide's voice resonates . Kaneki wants to laugh at that promise. Look at the situation now. It's clearly not happening and it will never will . Just like every other childish promises he tried to keep , they're too delusional and impossible . His promises are somethings that mostly happened in the heat of the moment decisions. Like a child wishing in the star or to a dandelion's dust, hoping it would come true, regardless of being aware it just a lie to make children hold onto something called 'hope'. He will admit that he tried to make them come true and stay on the right rail, following the signs. But no matter how much he tried to remain at same road, his life turns ,forcing him to walk on a much more difficult path . So in the end, even if he say he's doing their promise by going alone for Hide's behalf, that promise have now turned into a huge joke hasn't it? -------------------------------------------------------- Months of preparing, he thought this will be a chore. Fortunately he's wrong. As he starts roaming all over the Osaka, he ate some street food, tried out some native snacks he have never tasted . He visited some nearby tourists spots, where he learned the history of each place, every important names, event that would dissolve likely later from his mind. He looked at different shops, seeing many items, vintage or modern souvenirs that he wouldn't really buy. Wandering around aimlessly, Kaneki wonders to himself why he even bothers to let himself experience all these things other than fulfilling the promise him and Hide did for his behalf, he really isn't sure why? Maybe it's because he wants to at least try out things that might've been considered 'fun' or maybe find anything to distract himself from worrying about later events and from these merciless thoughts of his. Because he will admit that this is quite fun, even though a trace of guilt lingers inside of him or a weight on his body that has taken a toll, leaving a message 'You don't deserve it'. Having a walk in the path covered in snow, mesmerizing each buildings, houses that are different from the ones he sees in Tokyo, it seems to be a good temporary painkiller for the demons in his head. But does it really matter? For him, the answer is 'Nope'. Because despite it all, everything is still going as planned. ... 7:15, his clock reads. Before he goes to his final destination, he looked at the map to visit the place he's quite excited to see. The infamous library of Osaka. It is popular for its massive amount of books they have in store. Ken has searched it up on the internet before he decided Osaka to be the last town he would see in his life. And he did not regret it. After he walk for another several minutes at the main street and entered the library , his own mouth and eyes widens after he passed through the door. Unlike the book stores in Tokyo, the layers and layers of shelves in this place overwhelms him. Ornaments are neatly place to each shelf along with various types of books , with all kinds of titles, written in many genres. Created by different  authors all around the world . It was like the ideal world that stays in an avid readers dreams  was pulled out from their minds to make them feel that comfort will welcome them inside. His fingers lightly skimmed the spine of each book in the shelves , his eyes studies each title of the novels, muttering out the short summaries of each story with his knowledge alone. Strolling a bit more further, he moved to the next floor, where he could find the section of the classic novels, like the works of Natsume Soseki's 'Kokoro' . Osamu Dazai's 'No Longer Human' and also  from his favorite author Sen Takatsuki 'The Black Goats Egg' which he just finished . If he would live and settle down here in Osaka, this would probably be the aisle he would often visit. After appreciating the stacks of novels in the shelves , his eyes caught the same cover as the book he's currently reading, Phantasm of Death . That reminds him. He finds a nearby table as he quickly opened his bag , rummaging his belongings , digging deeper to find the book. But after a few moments, his brows furrowed, face written with confusion. When something in his gut strikes , his breathing became quicker . The more time passed, he started to panic , immediately taking out all the contents and scanned to see if his book is one of them. "Shit, shit, shit..." He kept muttering, like it's the only thing to prevent him from breaking. Where is it? He kept looking and looking, until it really dawned on him that the book isn't really with him. He can't lose that book- inside of it, was the last photo he and Hide, his best friend, took for the last time. While the other is the lucky fortune he received from another  friend he met years ago. They're too important, very important.Like a sacred treasures that helps him cling onto life. Forgotten or not, each of its signs have reminisce a lot of good memories. Memories that make him smile, take out a chuckle from him, even if they could only be counted with his fingers unlike the the unforgettable events the make him regret and ashamed to remember. Yet despite it all, it helps him reminded that good things have happened in this wrenched story of his. And now, he can't find it... Losing them brings guilt in the pit in his stomach. His mind started to get haywire. It will be the death of him. Think Kaneki. Think! Where could've he lost it? Then he remembers. After his mind debates where he could've left the book off, he shoved all his belongings back in his bag then rushes out the building and immediately ran towards the cafe Anteiku. ... When he finally reaches the building , it was too late. The doors are shut , the lights are closed , he can't feel anybody's presence inside. The lively cafe was that was once filled with a silent aura of happiness and serenity, was now dark and empty, like an empty hunting forest ,void of life. He looks through the window to see even a glimmer of his belongings inside, to his dismay he was unable to see any trace of his treasures. But he didn't lose hope, ironically. So he waits. He waits outside pacing back and forth, praying for the lights to open and see someone inside, to beg for a chance to search for his book. He counted for moments. Till moments turned to minutes and minutes turned to hours. But of course, nobody came. He only have 10 minutes until the last bus towards the last place he wants to go leaves. He detaches himself from the glass window and quietly reads the sign on the front door, 'Open on January 5.' January 5, next week... Will he even wait for a week to pass by? Ruin all the plans he have arranged for months just because of a book that is very important to him? Letting such a perfect opportunity to waste? Will he be willing to wait and risk the chance to put his mindset back about looking up to the future with false hope all because the ornaments in his book that holds a lot of strong good memories? "Fuck no." Time passes, they fucking fade. Like a wind carrying the wishes of the deceased that god knows will never be fulfilled ,will slowly be forgotten by the world ... Slowly, the signs that are engraved in each item are becoming numb by every second,  each minute the day has passed . No matter how much they're important, or how much high each of its merit is in his life. The thought of pain and misery keeps overcoming him, replacing the encouraging messages into a recollections of his past mistakes and failures. He remembers now and he hates himself for it, which causes him to be more self-destructive than he is now. Why would you hold onto somethings when your sense goes away? When your memories and beliefs will be swept away from your own body by the rushing waves? "Forget about the conclusion of the story," his heals turn, "Forget about those memories." He mumbles quietly as he rushes to the bus station. 'Forget everything about them...' He has finally decided. --------------------------------------------------------- When his soles touches the cold floor, he could feel his stomach burning. His eyes gazed at the cliff entrance. He shivered from the cold breeze wrapping his body that he can almost feel being suffocated . He huffs as he forced his legs to walk. They're functioning, yet he found them walking in a slow painstakingly pace. He was prepared wasn't he? He kept walking and walking, but his legs annoyingly starts getting heavier each step he takes, like they're made out of candle wax, melting to be glued in the rocky path. Letting the dangerous fire inside of him burn him even more and more. 'You shouldn't be born.' 'Useless shit!' 'It's your fault!' "No one would ever love you!" 'You don't even deserve them!' His teeth clatters. The voices are getting louder the closer he gets. He just wants to bang his head on the floor or whatever solid he could find. Just make them shut the hell up. Because he's aware yet the kept reminding. A little relief came when he saw nobody was on the small empty eerie forest. There's almost no one in the place anyway because why would they? They have families to go home to and have friends to spend time to. And he has none of that. He will die alone. And that thought could only make him swallow. Before heading over , he close his eyes and took a deep breath. He repeatedly did this a couple of time until he make sure he's hushed down. That he'll make it their in one peice. That he won't break. That his dying in style plan would come in play. Then his legs move, leaving a trail of his footprints that will be swept away by the wind. Leaving no trace of their existence. The whole world would only laugh at his actions, finding how silly this whole thing is, learning his whole life is a joke like it always been. The shadow of the trees engulfed him. In the story books,  all the main characters would find a way to get out of the menacing forest and live, but to Ken Kaneki, it's different. He would find the light and die. He ventures down a little bit more until he find himself standing almost at end of the forest. At the edge of the cliff , all he can see is death's door, wide open for him. He can feel it waiting , calling seductively for him to take the last step so he could be consumed in the darkness. He leans at the tree for leverage, sweat beads forming at his temples. It's now or never. Kaneki takes off his backpack and jacket, not knowing a reason why he should when it could benefit him to sink even deeper. But below the gap , he could hear the waves crashing brashly at the rocky ground, he was certain that if he even tries to swim out of survival instincts,the current will pull him back, permanently sealing him to the prison of death. If he jumps and hit his body to the hard cement ,especially his head ,he will surely be unconscious. Or the best scenario , he will suffer from internal hemorrhage, cracking his skull , having an internal bleeding and not recovering from the injury ever again. One jump. Just one jump and everything will be over. He looked at the moon, staring at it like a fool for finding answers why he shouldn't end his life. He planned everything and was prepared for months, but why? Why is he afraid enough that makes his legs numb? Why can't he close his eyes, run and sprint at the gap to finally be gone to this world? Is it by human nature? Giving himself more time to cope and think? Wanting to ... live...? The last suggestion makes him laugh. His life is a nuisance as far he remembers . He wanted to end everything , make his senses numb to not feel pain, to not hear the sadistic voices inside of his head. Especially being an affliction to people's bright lives. Being the reason, the main cause of their pain and suffering. It's not their fault, it his. Slowly but steadily, he marches forward, like a process to mark his death to the reaper. It's scary but it in the end it will give him peace without offending anyone anymore .

At the brink of the end, with the dark and sickened eyes, he can barely see the waves and tried decipher the shape of the stones. In his perspective, it looks like the the entrance of the abyss, where no light existed, only darkness wrapping the poor souls and force them to go and riot to hell. He swallows again, rubbing both of his palms together. No backing down. It's time to end this, end everything.His feet moves slowly, his breathing quickens again , hesitantly stepping at the air and trying force the gravity to pull his body to the gap and fall, but... The incident last year. Ambulance are ringing in his ears. The wrath of the wind hitting smacking his own skin. He sees doctors, people, a bridge, especially someone covered in their own blood. 'Live Kaneki...' are the words he immediately hear . He breaks. He breaks as his butt meet the cold floor instead of the water. He clenched his chest tightly while gasping for air. He can't do it. He can't do it... Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Why can't he make himself die right now!? Out of frustration , Kaneki took a rock and throw it at the cliff and yelled, venting his distress at a mere object. After getting a small satisfaction from his actions, he used his hands to cover his ashamed face and muffled the rest of his screams from coming out. He just wants to die. That's it! He wants to punish himself from his crimes and every sin he have committed. He doesn't deserve to live. He needs to die, he wants to die.

Yet even his pathetic self can't do it again... "Someone please..." "Just break me." He prays, hopefully that someone would hear it. That his words will whisper in someone's ear and they will grant his request. "You know I could hear you crying from here." A feminine voice called behind , realizing that he now regretted his own selfish request . He immediately stops wailing and blinks. How come someone found him at this late? Nobody should be outside already at this time around. He was certain he went to an empty place, where no one could hear him, where no one could see him in a forest facing a cliff in a middle of nowhere, where no one could see him jump to his death . Did this person followed him or heard him? He turned around to inspect to see the intruder , and what he found is a woman. From her looks and her posture, he can definitely tell that the girl was between her early twenties . Her blue fluffy hair that past between her shoulders covers one of her indigo blue eyes. The visible orb glows beneath the shadows of the tree; are focusing , mesmerizing his pathetic feature. The pale skin in her face that's glinting under the night sky ,an expression that is pasted with a poker faced look. At first glance she looked a little bit intimidating, yet,it doesn't fazed him. Not at all... Which seems to be off. "Did I interrupt something here or...?" She said with bored eyes as she pointed at her face, "You really just have something here." Indicating his tears. He quickly wiped them away sheepishly and try to make himself look a bit proper. After he fixed himself, a pang of deja vu hits him. He doesn't know how, but for some reason, he remembers a faint memory that disappeared just before he could recall it... ... "Uh..." Is all Kaneki's smart mouth could say. The woman came closer "Mind if sit with you?" She asked yet just sat a besides him, clearly not waiting for his consent at all. Not that he minded. Both are strangers to each other. They don't know each other's name, purposes and goals. 'But are they?' a voice echoes in his mind. "Got a nice view up here..." The girl muttered , looking at the place then at him. He didn't say anything and just look at the rushing water below the gap , what is there to say anyway? She's just a mysterious person who just popped out of nowhere , stopping- no, distracting him from the brink of death. She raised her finger and points, "You got the view of the city to the left, the moon, then a sea... I could stay up here until sunrise."  She exaggerates before she took her backpack and unzips it, rummaging until she took out a napkin along a book. Curiously, he looked at her direction and inspected at the hardbound until his eyes widen when he recognized the familiar front cover of the literature. "You forgot this. " she handed both things at him . " I saw you left this at the cafe earlier ; I was supposed to call you out ,but before I got even the chance too, you're gone already ." Kaneki stared at her with disbelief, thinking everything is surreal . He bit his lip and quickly took his book back from her, shaky hands opened it greeted by pages and finds what he's looking for, the photo and the bookmark, still tucked inside in one piece.   Tears staining his damped face again, then asked the mysterious woman with a crooked voice "W-why did you went to this trouble just to bring it back to me?" The lady just scoffed at him "No thank you? Rude..." she fumed, crossing both of her legs and placed her elbows , making her face rest on her palm. "You seem desperate by getting it back. Can't stick seeing your crybaby face. " she took a quick glance at him and snickered. This woman is obviously teasing him, a stranger. However, Her presences is somewhat... Calming, in an particular way. "I tried to give it back to you but when I went back to the front door, you're just gone in the air again . So I thought of taking the book with me because the shop is closed until next week and I might have a slight chance to walk up to you, which I did. I saw you again in the entrance and followed you, not that I'm a stalker or anything ." Kaneki looked at the woman, then back at his treasures. He noticed a fabric peaked out then lifted it up to reach her vision . "About that, you need something to wipe your face. You look like a human waterfall." He smiled when he heard her insult "Thank you..." Then rubbed his face gently with the given napkin. The woman gave him a smirk. A smile formed on his face and he starts to wonder 'Why does life give me reasons to live when I have finally decided that I want to die?' he wipes his face using the handkerchief, 'Showing me happiness where everything is bright and warm. Whenever I foolishly believed that the bliss will stay, my life finds a way to take them all away again, won't history repeat itself again?' Again, like a caged maze only leading him in the roundabout circles. He looked at the lady, eyes distance to the starry sky. Both pupils are tamed to decipher to point the stars , wondering which constellation they belong. He finds himself almost chuckling at the sight before his eyes 'If I find myself attached to her like my last string of hope, won't fate just take it all away again?' then eyes darkens as he mutters to himself "You're just gonna end up like everyone else." 'And in the end I'll be left alone again and I'll be the one to be blamed.' "Huh?" the woman's train of thought disperse. He quickly tense as he shakes his head.

"N-nothing!" he immediately averted his gaze away then dabs the piece of fabric in his skin, poorly attempting to hide his ashamed face underneath the napkin. "I mean thank you." He affirms , trying to cover up his previous statement. Earning a smirk that was draws on her face. Then without a warning, she stretches out her arms, like a bird whose wings are finally free from the chains, "You know..." she stops as she took a deep breath... "This cliff is the perfect place to die." During these few moments of silence, her words repeatedly echoes in his mind. Kaneki looked at the lady with wide eyes, processing of what she just declared . D-did she know his true intentions? Does she want to end her life as well? 'Just let me die' said a faint familiar voice. "Your shoes are in that tree along with your stuff." She lifted her thumb, directing it at the tree, " Not to mention doing it in the middle of the night? It's almost New year. Bet the people will be happy seeing a floating corpse during the celebration , what a good omen." she commented scathingly. He blinks at her and doesn't respond to her statement. The reverse psychology she stated makes him smile, his brows furrowed, his lips brought out a bitter laugh into life. "Why are you laughing?" she inquires. "It's just that... I look stupid now aren't I?" She bit her lip, suppressing a chuckle until she slowly follows him. "I think... we both are." she bobbed her head , concurring at her own account . And he can't help but to agree with her. Both are laughing at how stupid this entire thing is. How they find it amusing if they could see the world's disappointed face of their actions. When death is supposed to be marked at this time around .Their cynical voices molded , orchestrated a bittersweet song that the world would never heard again. The whole situation is weird and stupid. But even with it's simple stupidity, he would lie if he said it's wasn't nice to have these kind of conversations. When both calmed. The tension arouse into something uncanny . The breeze of reality came back ,letting countless of questions rack his head. Is she trying to stop him? A weak boy who has lost all hope in his miserable life? For what cause? What benefit will she get from him if she tries to save him? She should just leave , forget him and let him die without a single soul knowing. Ah. It hit him. She's just pitying him, that's all. If she realized that she just let a person killed himself, guilt will only come up to her and haunt her in her sleepless nights . He knows how that feels, feeling useless not stopping a person to open the death's door. Just like him and his mother. If he knows better, he would've done everything to stop her. Then maybe, today , maybe, his mother was still alive. And now this lady caught him red handed. She has now fallen into his position. If fate truly exist, then he will be it's bait. That thought makes him shudder. He truly is a piece of shit, garbage. He should've just jumped while he has the chance. That would be better for the both of them. What a fucking waste of space. "Hey if you try to die now, you would miss the opportunity to see the fireworks up here. They rarely ran a display during New year here and the view seems rad." She smiled sadly while looking at the city lights from the corner of the gap," That's where people gather and watch the display . I know it's a bit far but if I were you, I would watch the show from this perspective before..."  The woman bit her lip and paused when he eyes caught the sea. She seem to be careful not to say anything about suicide. But, she quickly wiped the gloomy expression and stared at him with giddiness "So what do you think?" Kaneki sigh. Why does this woman keep on talking to him and inviting him like he's her friend or something. They don't know each other so what's the big deal? This doesn't make sense to him. She should leave now. This girl is too foolish for staying with him. She's just wasting her time to a worthless piece of shit. Somehow , even if he has the power to leave her, to run now and never look back. The girl has something the he can't lay his finger on. She has that familiar aura, her presence seems too nostalgic. That alone suprisingly makes him stay. He thinks as he rubbed both of his fingers and stared at them, thinking of an excuse to back out ,"I appreciate the offer, but, it will be a twenty five minutes drive from here to the city, almost an hour by walking.  Don't you have any friends to hang out with?" The woman placed both of her hands to the rocky floor and leaned back "Well... my friend wants me to find the best view for the fireworks display . I think this is the perfect one and I want to invite you too." She replied nonchalantly. Ken snickers "Okay we just met." The woman licked her lips and sighed deeply. He find it quite amusing that she isn't exhausted and was still trying to convince him, "Well it's you who lead me back to this place. The best way I could thank you is inviting you here." This whole conversation makes no sense... But... Watching the fireworks wouldn't hurt.  It's just another day of living while having a pit of toxicity in his stomach, he still has enough money to spend for the next night. Doing this is just repaying her for going all the way over here just to give him back his important belongings that helps him hold onto dear life . It's not a big request that was impossible to grant. After new year, he could find another place , make sure this woman forgets his existence, then to kill himself. Simple. Thinking about it, he should be asking for her name already, but it's not like they're going to be friends or anything. As much as possible, Kaneki wants to be sure that he's surrounded in the hallow solitude that he's in. It will be more hectic if he asked her name and exchanges his. He finds it strange that she hasn't asked for his name yet, but then again even he forgot to do that as well, maybe because of that strange sense of feeling that they already met that made introductions unnecessary. Giving up, he released a shaky breath,"Do you really think this is the best spot?" He asked her and stared at her eyes. The girl responded with a genuine smile "Trust me." This woman, her attitude, the way she talks, she seems familiar . This is getting bizarre. Have they met before? Have they crossed each other's path and somehow managed to know each other and blurt out each other's name? Well, if they did bumped to each other, or met at one time around, he doesn't want to ask because it pointless. He believes it's better for the both of them because in the end, he'll be lying lifeless soon. Ever since last year's incident, he never wants to be closer to other people anymore. If he talked to her, he might've be distracted from his goal here. She achieved that tonight but this will be the last time. Making himself attach to her is asking for a life sentence. Somehow, no matter how menacing his thoughts get, Kaneki can't help but smile back to her genuinely "Alright." One last time. No more excuses. Someone has to draw a thick line- no, build a barrier between them , then erase himself in the face of the world. And he'll be happy to do the part. "Great!" She offers a grin before she looks at the sea again once more, obviously staying . Kaneki at this point raised a suspicion if she's monitoring on him to see if he would jump at the cliff and betray her request. Kaneki sighs, as much he likes the woman's presence, he also find the situation getting weirder and weirder. "Aren't you going back to your place?" She closed her eyes and shakes her head "Nope. I spend 150 yen for the bus ticket all the way here. At Least let me enjoy what I've paid would ya?" She scolds, telling him to shut up. Which he did. Within those few more minutes that went by , the woman kept staring at the distance of the sea where her eyes could reach, trying to ignoring the guy's stares who's next to her. She rolled her eyes and is the first one to spoke up to break the comfortless silence ,"Weirdo". "Wha-!? " he cry out in surprise, causing her to blurt out a small chuckle. Defending himself, he told her, "It's just...You look (felt) familiar." The woman took glance at him "Yeah?" a small smile crept her face. She tries to move her lips as if she wants to say something but , instead, she stood up, not wanting to continue the discussion even further. "If I went now,will you still stay?" She asked , not leaving her eyes on him as she wipes off her bottom for the remaining dirt to come off. "It's getting late. Really late." She reminded him. Kaneki followed the trail of the moonlight's reflection from the rushing waves and looked up at the moon itself, "You're right ." He simply answered , nodding his head. She reached out a hand, helping him to stand up, then both exchanges small smiles to each other before fixing themselves. 'Hey if you try to die now, you would miss the opportunity to see the fireworks up here' her voice vibrates in his mind over and over again. He clearly remembers the voice she displayed. Not out of pity nor out of resentment the way he thought it would be . For the past 25 horrible years of his life, he was able to trace all of the negativity or ill feelings towards him. However... The way she blurted every word she say to him are out of sincerity and sympathetic , as if she they were friends to another world or from their previous life...he kinda felt a little... tingle in his belly. This woman is too kind that it's scaring him. She's too kind that it might be the death of him instead. After making sure they both left nothing on the crag, they looked at the cliff one last time for tonight and leaves the place wordless. ... When they bought tickets at the receptionist, they both entered the last bus that is stationed outside of the entrance. Both are thankful when they found vacant seats, despite around this time around being rush hour, a two-seaters in the back are waiting for them. Ken clears his throat, "After you." He escorted her with chivalry. "Thanks. " She nodded politely. ... They settled themselves, white silence envelopes them. 'This isn't awkward at all.' He mentally submits to himself sarcastically. Well to be exact, he doesn't know what else he should say . But this isn't what he wanted, right ? He wanted not to be involve in anyone's daily life. That an unknown space would remain between him and society. Between him and her, both of them . There would be a far stretch space we're they couldn't connect . And yet here he is sitting beside a person he hardly knows planning to go and watch a fireworks display. Somehow he isn't sure as an alluring air around her tempts him to break his own rule through his own volition. He can feel his mouth about to set the forbidden words free, enough to make him obligated to cover his own mouth. What is this feeling? Why does it feel like this has happened before? The questions he has in his head, he wants to vomit them. And god it takes a lot of willpower not to let them out. Powerless, the only thing he could do was silently watch her. Her hair faced him; her temples rested on the window as she is drown at her own thoughts as well. His mind wonders what's she's currently thinking. And it surprisingly scares him. "Stop that." She blurted, annoyed, enough to make him flinch and quickly tries to hunt for anything distracting in his backpack. He snatched his phone out as he decided to busy himself by searching up some hotels with reasonable prices since he is going to stay for another night. But from the looks of it, all of them are fully booked tonight. "So, where would you stay? You don't look like you're someone who lived here" She flickered her eyes up him. Kaneki simply answers, scrolling down and trying his best not to meet her eyes. "A hotel. I'm still finding one." He utters. "I can help you with that." She offered. "No, it's alright. I can find one." But after visiting more web pages , scrolling down , and a dying battery later. To his dismay, every hotel, every inn or even the motels are fully booked. "Can't find a room?" she smiles as she raised an eyebrow, looking smugly at him. "Like I told you, there's a fireworks festival tomorrow at New year . Very rare for this to happen in Osaka. So you're not the only one looking for a damn room, well at the very least they know how to book early." 'Well that's because I wasn't even planning on sta-' Silence empowered him instead . However the woman seem to know something, enough to let out a cough, to seek for his attention, "I have a friend who's roommate just moved from another town. Maybe you can stay with him for awhile. It's just that he's an asspull, but I think you can manage with him." "N-no. It's fine, really." He turns the offer down, "You already done enough for me and I don't want to bother your friend. He's probably sleeping since it's late." She chuckles,"At this time around, he's probably with his girlfriend, jerking off or whatever." She twirled her hair as she nonchalantly looked at him , "Besides you got nothing to lose, and not to mention you have no other place to stay." 'She does have a point' he admits to himself. Still, he felt a bit reluctant about the offer. 'What if...' he thought to himself ,'What if I become friends with this person she's talking about? What if I become a nuisance to him as I was to everyone else in my life?' But then again, it will all end tomorrow, why not just endure another night?' 'Excuses.' His eyes widen hearing those words. 'You still want to live and you know it.' 'Still wanna fill this world with your useless presence' 'Nobody loves you, nobody needs you, and nobody ever will.' 'Your heart will remain as it always was...an empty void, a vessel full of

nothingness.'

Those mocking words echo in his mind, as he grits his teeth trying his best not to show his dismay. "So, are you taking it or what?" her words slaps him right back to reality. He finds himself ending up staring at her face, her voice seemed to chant a magic spell to swept away all the menacing voices away. How does she do that? He wants to ask her but he didn't replied as he kept being mesmerized by her nostalgic eyes that seem to hold secrets deeper and darker than the ocean floor that he wants to hunt so badly. "Stop staring and answer the damn question already, are you taking it or not?" She grimaced, completely snapping him out of his daydream. Blinking his eyes before missing a beat, he answers, "Okay, okay fine." He raised his hands in defeat. "I'll take it, where's it even at?" Hearing his response, a small smile of victory slowly etches on her face" Don't worry it's close to our stop, about a 5 min walk from there, probably. " Kaneki sighs, leaning on his back as his eyes closed, smiling at her, "Alright." After this no words were exchanged until they reached their destination. Finally, they went down the vehicle , Kaneki places his hands in his pockets, he exhales deeply, creating an icy mist escaping his mouth, 'Well then, lead the way" tilting his head towards her direction. She nods "Its just down this alley way, come on follow me." Then she starts walking.

Venturing down the quiet eerie streets, all the Christmas decorations are already replaced by the New Year once as he noticed how snowy it was, like some obscure picture covered in a white sea. He felt that this has happened before... 'Isn't it nice to have a snowy late night walks?' A familiar voice giggled inside his head. Both of his feet stopped walking as he stands, finding the woman's figure drifting further and further as she walks. He recalls another fragmented memory. His eyes close and immediately opens, realizing that she has remarked that he has stopped walking and immediately called out to him, "Are you okay?"she asked, her tone was illustrated with concern. "Ah yeah. I'm alright. Just thinking about somethings." He quietly admitted. "Okay..." She sneers, "Then isn't it nice to have snowy late night walks?" He blinks hearing her inquires, just like the childish vioce, yet more hesitant than the latter .

"Y-yeah." He stutters. "That's good. Now let's go, were almost there." She turns her back at him as resumed walking, and all he can do is to follow her while fighting to repress his own clouded thoughts and memories. "Its here." she points after they exited an alleyway . Just at the corner of another street was a modernized house about three stories high covered in snow just like everything else. She leads him as they took the stairs to the third floor. After passing four doors, they stopped. "Here it is." She proudly presented the door with a nametag written 'Nishio' in it. 'Haven't I heard that name before?' He looked at the nametag with a puzzled look. "Doesn't look like they're here..."she peeks through the curtains then scanned the hall everywhere seeing no sign of anyone. She quickly tiptoed as she suddenly reaches the top of the doorframe to seemingly taking for something. "Aha!" she exclaims, "Here it is." she pulls down a key from the side of the frame, "Told him to hide it better, he never learns does he?" she says mockingly. When she opened the door, she took off her shoes and went inside while saying "Come on.", leading him. Entering inside the small apartment, he took a moment to look over the area until he heard her asked, "Are you hungry?" 'No, I'm good." He replies as he follows her in a vacant room. He's started to get worried about the whole thing, "You sure this will be okay?" his voice trails. "In all honesty, we are trespassing his property." He reminds her hoping to get the idea. After walking the whole town for a day and almost doing a suicide at night, he doesn't want to deal with a lot of dilemma right now. "I trespass here a lot because he has the stuff I need. He got used to it" She only replied , placing her bag on the cupboard followed by, "I think." as she opened the cabinet, taking all the sheets out and placing the first mattress ,spreading it out at the floor. "But really, don't worry. I'm sure he won't mind." She retorts before she takes another sheet. "Besides if he does get pissed, just tell him that this bitch told you so." He frowns when he heard her assurance, but instead of protesting , he quickly dropped his bag before helping her with the other sheets. Neither of them speak of the entire process until they've finished, resulting a comfortable futon seemingly ready to be slept onto. She looked at their work,"Well looks like my job here is done."then , tossed a pillow at him" If you're tired now, you can rest. You seem to have had a long day today." She tells him before she stands up, taking her bag with her. When she reaches the living room,she bid her last instruction, "Just remember what I said and you'll be fine, kay?" He leans uncomfortably at the wall,"Yeah" he simply replies, nodding at her command.. "Thank you. " he finally says as he swallows, not knowing what to do anymore during her presence. Yet he dares not to say another word. He only watched her movements while she headed to the door. For some reason, it felt like time became slower as she carefully  fixed her shoes before she approached the door, "Well, I have to go now." She said, taking her leave. But when she reaches the doorknob, she stops , giving him moment as if she's expecting something from him , of course, only silence responded, not helping the somber atmosphere at all. "You sure you're not forgetting something are you?" She asked boldly, not having eye contact with him. "What?" He said, caught off guard with that question ,then tilted his head, completely bewildered . He honestly doesn't know what she's talking about. She opens the door and chortled "You really are an idiot." Then, she turned to lock her eyes with his and said , "It was nice seeing you again Kaneki Ken. I'm Kirishima Touka by the way."

The breeze that carried her words seem to have knocked out his conscious out of his body,  same as the words that have slipped iut of his mouth.

 “T-touka.” he stutters.

He is completely stifled hearing the message, especially the name. Kirishima Touka. Her name. The name that brings the memories back he have yearned for years to life in his mind.The name he haven't heard for a damn decade. The name that his lips haven't chanted for a long period of time. It felt like time has stopped . "Kirishima Touka..." He repeats as he finally tried to savor her name again after all these years. Recalling the way how his tongue twist and his mouth sang that old name he has forgotten. Kirishima Touka. Kirishima Touka... "Touka-" An interruption occurred when they both heard a phone rang. Touka scoffed, annoyed, as she took out her phone and looked at the caller's address, sighing "Give me a moment." She excused herself as she accepted it and quickly tucked the device on top of her ear. "Yeah?... No, no of course not!... Don't worry old man, I'll be home soon. Is Ayato home already?... Okay, give me twenty minutes. Yeah, see ya." Then she dropped the call, giving a deep exhale as her tired eyes met his, "Sorry but I need to go. My family is getting worried and we can continue this tomorrow." Ken hesitates to speak. He can't directly look her in the eyes. Touka Kirishima, a name of a friend not a stranger. But ... that only make things worse. He felt like everything he have planned for months, dying in that cliff or somewhere without anyone's knowledge, were washed away by a wave of resentment. He has a lot of things to ask about her, yet he's also wants to stay away from her. Not after what happened 10 years ago. He doesn't know what to do, what to say. Yet- "Sure..."he manages to curve his lips into a smile, a crooked smile. Touka on the other hand, eyes staring at him with disbelief, her lips pressed together , looking at him as if she can definitely see what's wrong. "Look..."she started, " You're definitely tired, if we kept chatting until dawn we probably won't have the energy to see tomorrow's display.Everything we need to catch up about , we'll just talk about it tomorrow." He only nods as he simply responds "Yeah..." "Okay." ... "Kaneki." She calls out catching his attention again, instinctively making him face her. "Mhm?" "I'll see you later, kay?" She said her final words for the night as she turned her back one last time and left shutting  the door on her way out. BANG! As the door shuts, He suddenly felt alone in the cold lonely room. His back slides down, using the wall as a heft as he processes what just happened. 'I'm Touka Kirishima' He gulps again when he recalls her name that came from her very own lips. 'I'll see you later. Those are her only words for the night that truly left him astray.                                        -END OF CHAPTER ONE-

[lunanightingaleart]

I’ve Been Waiting A Long Time (Dark/Damien FanFic) Part 14

“Will, have you seen Dark?” Wilford turned and looked to Beth confused.

“Dark? Yeah, he’s in his office.”

“I just checked there.” Beth has been finding it difficult to find Dark recently. He’s either extremely busy and tells her to go do anything else besides bug him, or he’s just not where she needs him to be. Letting out a soft sigh, she fiddled with her choker. 

“I’ll check again, maybe he’s just been busy.” Will watched her walk away, humming. 

“Will.” He turned and found Dark standing behind him.

“I need you to look this over-”

“Oh~! Dark, Bethy was looking for you.” Dark hesitated, glancing up at Will who had a friendly smile on his features.

“Do you know why?”

“Nope, but if she’s looking for you I assume its important.” Dark did not want to see Bethany, not in the slightest. After those dreams, he found it incredibly difficult to get any work done while she was around. Seeing her smile, having her presence around him, he felt like a love struck teenager discovering his body. He found it rather irritating. 

“Well, I’ll talk with her next time I see her.” That was enough to get Will off his back, in the least suspicious way possible, without lying. He never said he planned on seeing her anytime soon. And with that he left, talking with the other egos and getting work done as needed. Bethany checked his office, again. He wasn’t there. Sighing softly she leaned against the wall. How long has it been? It couldn’t possibly be this long, but she thinks its been an entire week since she’s had an actual conversation with Dark. The scene of Dark going to kiss her before letting Damien in showed in her head. Was it something she did? Maybe he doesn’t like Damien out so much? Beth grumbled to herself, deciding to go and talk with the other egos. Dark watched as Beth disappeared down the hall, sighing softly. Good, she’s gone. He went into his office and continued to work, continued to distract himself from that woman. A few days more passed, and Beth has noticeably gotten quieter, more down. Some of the egos have seemed to catch on the obvious actions of Dark avoiding Bethany like the plague. 

“You don’t think Dark hates me, right?” Beth asked, sitting next to Will and King, Google sitting at his desk near by. 

“No of course not Bethy~! You said it yourself, Dark apologized for what he said at the party.” Beth looked to Will, an unsure look on her face.

“Don’t lie to the girl Will, its very much possible that Dark has grown tired of her. Or dislikes her, something along those lines. Its not the first time he’s grown tired of one of his toys.”

“Google!” Beth felt her stomach churn, her anxiety starting up again. Will wrapped his arms around Beth, hugging her while King petted her back.

“Do you want to pet one of my minions?” King held a squirrel in his free hand, who stared at Bethany before twitching its tail. Kindly declining, Beth sighed and hugged herself, eyes glossed over with worry and stress.

“Why do you care so much if Dark hates you anyway? Besides perhaps, you losing your free room.” Bethany, for once, looked to Google with a dark glare. He knew that wasn’t it, he new damn well she didn’t have to stay here if she didn’t want to. He was the financial adviser, the one in control of everything digital, he knew more than Will did, and Will’s the second in command. 

“Okay, that’s it.” Will stood up, humming a tune to himself and pulling out his gun. Bethany’s eyes widened. 

“W-Wait! What are you planning to do?”

“Nothing too bad, just making sure I have enough ammo on me. Every time I’ve been low on ammo something happens when I’d need it the most.” He hummed checking his gun. Nodding, he closed it back up and pocketed it.

“I think we’ll be good, let’s go find Dark.” Beth nodded and walked with Will.

“Will, you wouldn’t ever shoot Dark, would you?” Glancing down to Beth he smiled and ruffled her hair like a child.

“Bethy, I would never, unless he were to try and hurt you, but when would that ever happen?” Bethany smiled softly, looking forward and following Will. He was right, Dark wouldn’t hurt her, as long as Celine wasn’t in control, and Damien wouldn’t dare let that happen. Dark was signing a few different papers, sighing as he had to force himself to focus. No letting his mind wander, otherwise he’d hear Damien complaining that he was avoiding Bethany, or Celine who honestly couldn’t care less about it. He was so focused, he hadn’t noticed the presence of two people before it was too late.

“Dark, we need to talk.” His eyes scanned the two, his eyes locking on Bethany almost instantly. Wait, why did she look so sad? He had to force himself to not show any emotion besides calm. 

“Talk about what Will?” He looked to Will, who set his hands on his desk.

“Why are you avoiding Bethany?” Freezing mid signature, he squeezed his pen.

“I’m...not avoiding her.” 

“I’m calling bullshit on that one. You know, Bethany has been trying to talk with you for three weeks. The others have noticed it too.” 

“I don’t see your point, I don’t have to constantly talk with Beth and I don’t need you to tell me how to live Will.” 

“Don’t you care about Bethany?” Dark stood up violently, slamming his hands on the desk.

“That is none of your fucking business!” Bethany had flinched, Will glaring at him in response. 

“You’re hurting her and you don’t even want to admit you care about her? Right to her face? Dark, what is wrong? You’ve been obviously avoiding her like she was the plague. Even other Egos have started to notice-”

“You and the others have no business in what I do and who I avoid. Now I’m very busy, and I’d appreciate it if you two get out of my office this instant!” 

“I’m not Leaving until you-”

“I Said..” Dark’s reality retched and contorted into uncomfortable different colors. For a blink of an eye, Bethany could see Celine and Damien behind him, both showing different emotions. Damien held fear, worry, sadness, while Celine showed rage, impatience, and annoyance. Dark’s neck snapped to the side, the entire room growing ten degrees colder.

"̴̡̧Ģ͢͟͝͠E̷̡̕͜͟T̷͜͠͠ ͘O͘͞Ú̶̷͠T͟͟͞ ̛͘Ǫ̵̵̡́F̶̷̷͟͠ ̢̨̛̀͜M͠Y̷̢̧ ̸̡̡́͢O̴̶̡̕F̧̡͢͝͠F̴̶͠͠I҉͡Ç͟͟͡È̴͘͞!̧̀̀͠"҉   

Dark was trembling as both hues of blue and red movies rapidly on each side of him, glitching in and out as he tried his best to keep control, looking up he saw Will with his arm shielding Bethany, and Beth showing true fear in her eyes. Dark’s mind went silent, his own voice echoing in his head. She afraid of me.

He was caught off guard, and a certain red hue noticed. Trying to quickly snatch control, Dark’s entire aura turned red. Bethany took steps back.

“Will we need to go-” But it was too late, a sick smile formed on Dark’s lips, creaking of wood and a high pitched screaming echoed, yet there was no sign of the source. 

"̴̀́͝͠O͞͠h̴͠,̨̡͟҉ ̧͢͞͡B̛̀͞͏e̵̷͜͏t̢̡͢͞h̴̢̛͜a͘͞n̶̷̛͡y̸͞͝͠~͏̵̡"͠    Will took quicker steps back, pushing Bethany behind him.

“Bethy get out of here!” Dark couldn’t control his anger as he ripped this angry red hue out of control, but it was too late. He was too rage induced to pull himself  together. He let out a roar, full of pain and agony. The last thing his sane mind thought of, was Bethany, and that stuck with him. As if Dark’s body was like glass, his reality and form shattered. Standing in front of Will and Bethany was a horrifying creature made of shadows and a broken body, mangled and devoid of anything but empty emotionless blood lust. Bethany attempted to grab the door for Will and them to run, but it was locked. 

“I said run!” Will shot at Dark as he attempted to get closer to Beth.

“I can’t, the door’s locked!” Will looked to Bethany and then back to Dark, wrapping his guarded arm quickly around Bethany and blinking out of the room. Dark made a disgusting growl and teleported right into the middle of the other egos’ office room.

“Dark is on a rampage! Code red!” Will called out to warn everyone, while some egos fled to get out of his path, others tried to slow him down or stop him completely. This wasn’t the first time Dark’s shell had broken, but this was definitely the first time it had broken so much. Will put Bethany in his room, closing the door behind them. 

“Will, what the hell just happened!?” Will turned towards Bethany, an unsure look on his face.

“Dark’s shell breaks every once in a blue moon, but he normally calms down after a few hours. Everyone either runs and hides or fights him to ware him out so its easier for him to calm down. All of us are used to it, and can take care of ourselves, but...you’re still new.” Bethany’s eyes widened. 

“You don’t think...I could die do you?” Will, for once in a long time, glitched slightly in and out of reality. He gave a soft smile.

“Don’t you worry, you can’t die. You would just be asleep for a long time. But you’d get up again, just like last time.” Bethany froze at his words. Just like last time. Her heart sunk as she watched Will reload his gun.

“You stay here, okay?” 

“Be careful.” Will blinked out of the room, and Bethany could hear the chaos going on outside. Crashing, roaring, gun shots. Bethany wanted to know what was happening. 

“What’s happening...?” She mumbled to herself, turning towards a mirror and biting her lip. 

“Maybe....just one look.” Being trapped in a mirror void for years gives you some perks, specifically towards mirrors. She set her hands on the glass, the glass rippling like water. The reflection of herself changed, and instead showed a cinematic view of Dark, going on a complete rampage. Some of the egos were down for the count, Google was missing an arm and thrown over a desk. Bing was missing his leg and was still conscious. While Dark had scratched all over him, it was obvious he had done more damage than got hurt, Will was one of the only ones left, shooting and dodging at Dark while trying to calm him down.

“Dark come one, get a hold of yourself old friend! You’re hurting everyone!” Dark turned and got a good swing at Will, shadowy claws, digging deep into Will’s rib cage. With a pained yell, Will was thrown across the office through a glass wall to the other room. 

"̵Wi̛ll̕!" Bethany called out, suddenly blinking and being by Will’s side, lifting his head. Opening his eyes, pain and fear showed in the pink hues around his brown eyes. 

“W-What are you doing? Get out of here, before he-”

"̷̵̀́͢T͠҉̸h̷̵̛͢ę͏̨͟r̕͏̴e͏́͢ ̢y̸̵̛͡o̶̡͜͢u̧̢͘͘͞ ̧́a̢̢̢͟͢r̨̀e̷̶͘͟~̶̧̛́͘"̸̀ Bethany was yanked from her spot by her hair, a scream escaping as she caught air, hitting a desk and rolling off of it with the air leaving her lungs. She gasped, trembling as she tried crawling away. 

~

“̶͢D̶̴̕à̧̧͢ŗ͟͝k̷̶͡͝͡!͘!͏”̵̷̡́   Dark was standing in a shattered void, looking around as he could barely hear a voice passed the loud buzzing and pitches. He must’ve snapped again. 

“You have gone too far this time, Celine. I’m normally very patient with you, but this time you’ve lost it.” Celine growled from her prison, gripped to the walls and yelling indignities towards him. He sighed and started to fix up the void, but for some reason once he got a good chunk fixed, another shattered piece would appear.

“This one is rather violent. I’m sure Will has joined the fight.” He looked over to a trembling Damien, mumbling to himself as he was rapidly attempting to fix the shattered remains.

“Damien calm down. We can’t go back until we’ve all calmed down.”

“I can’t, I can’t calm down! Damn it Dark, why did you keep avoiding her!” Damien turned towards Dark, stomping over.

“Bethany is out there with that...that THING! It could rip her to shreds and all she knows is that we did it! That I did it! I don’t want to hurt her again, I don’t want to lose her again, I CAN’T LOSE HER AGAIN!” Dark stared at Damien, who glowed blue as he yelled at him. Dark sighed softly.

“You want to know why? Why I’ve been avoiding her?” He spoke calmly, slowly building some of the void back to normal.

“It’s because....I’ve fallen for your Bethany.” The void went silent. No pitch, no cracking, just silence. 

“....What?” 

“Trust me I didn’t want to believe it either. But...I look at her, and I can feel the emotions you have for her. But, I don’t think they’re your emotions, at least...not anymore. I want her to look at me like she does you. I can’t think straight when she’s around! I....I want to protect her.” He trembled, the fixing of the void slowing down. 

“And Now, I’ll be the reason she never trusts me again...” Damien stared at Dark, watching him stand there, staring at the floor.

“....You really like her?” Damien asked, walking over. Dark nodded. In the silence, Damien helped Dark start fixing up the void. 

“Can you promise to stop hurting her?”

“I never wanted to hurt her in the first place...”

“If you don’t hurt her, she’ll actually trust you. And who knows, maybe I’ll start trusting you too.” Dark let out a breathy chuckle.

“Don’t push your luck.” 

“D͘a͜͏rk̸!̶̛͠!́”̶̴̡  Dark and Damien flinched.

“There’s that scream again. We must hurry, I have a bad feeling.”

“̕D͝a̷rk͏,̷ p̢le̶ase st͠o҉p̀! ST҉O̕P!” 

“That’s Bethany!” Damien exclaimed, looking to Dark with panic. Dark felt the same panic run through him. 

“We must hurry!” Dark and Damien fixed up the void after a few minutes. As the last shatter was mended, Dark felt himself change vision. Suddenly, light shined through his eyes. He was standing in his office, tired.

“Wha....What happened?” His head hurt, and there was blood everywhere. 

“Ugh, what a mess.” He mumbled, looking at his desk. His eyes scanned the room, taking a step forward and stepping right into something....wet. Looking down, he felt his heart stop.

“No....” He took steps back, for once losing balance and falling backwards. He couldn’t have done this, could he? How long was he gone? Slowly reaching forward, he gently touched her cheek, seeing her unconscious form sprawled out and covered in cuts and gashes. He felt sick, pressure building in his chest and eyes.

“....Bethany?”

Read the Next Part: Here

Start from the Beginning: Here 

[ask-de-writer]

SEA DRAGON’S GIFT : World of Sea : Part 83

SEA DRAGON’S GIFT

by

De Writer (Glen Ten-Eyck)

140406 words

copyright 2018

written 2007

All rights reserved.

Reproduction in any form, physical, electronic or digital is prohibited without the express consent of the author.

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Copyright fair use rules for Tumblr users

Users of Tumblr.com are specifically granted the following rights.  They may reblog the story provided that all author and copyright information remains intact.  They may use the characters or original characters in my settings for fan fiction, fan art works, cosplay, or fan musical compositions. All sorts of fan art, cosplay, music or fiction is actively encouraged.

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New to the story?  Read from the beginning.  PART 1 is here

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“Why, one,” said Master Juris, bothered now by where the questions might lead.  Master Clard and the others all followed in a ragged chorus, “One.”

“Could you all hear the drum talk between the ships?”  Kurin had hands on hips now, and determination in her tone.

Again the chorus of yeses sounded.

“So, you knew that Mister Kotance was attempting to seize my  personal property on the pretext that I was only a child as Master Juris just tried to claim as well?  That he was trying to take a ship and murder people that you all knew very well were seeking redress of wrongs done to them by the fleet?  Then you just stood by and let at least a quarter of the crew risk Scattering for participation in piracy?  It wasn’t until Mord Halyn, whom I still regard as my Captain, tried to deal with the results of the piracy’s failure that you, your apprentices and journeymen finally emerged in spite of the guards and took over, as you should have done at once.

“Now you throw in our faces the attempt to save you from the results of your own folly?”  Kurin finished severely, “Take the Wergeld offer.  Save your ship.  Or take the Fleet Law and lose it.”

While the Longin’s abashed officers and Masters conferred, Kurin turned to Tanlin.  “Thanks for that hug.  I really needed it.”

“Oi know,” she replied.  “Ye needed ‘Igh Cloud too.”

Softly, Kurin asked, “Lady — Captain Tanlin, can you take something from me?”

“I’ tis w’at Oi suspect tis, nae.  Nae now,” Tanlin answered equally softly.  “Just now, we’re tryin’ t’ save t’em, nae drive t’em onto a reef — in a storm — wit’ a Dragon-tide t’ ‘elp t’ings along.”

The Longin’s conference was brief.  It was Master Clard who spoke for them.  In a clear voice he said formally, “Your Honors, Kurin, the Longin wishes to formally apologize to you all, and you, Kurin, especially.  Master Juris spoke from passion, not thought.  He was angry and let his feelings get the better of him.

“For the rest, a majority of us have decided to hear out the Wergeld idea. If we do not, it would appear that we are dismasted and sinking with no help in sight.  Make your offer.”

Kurin stood up, relief clear on her countenance.  “The first part of the agreement is common to all Wergeld agreements.  It is simply the rules of the Wergeld.  You must acknowledge the wrongs in dispute and publicly agree to the settlement that we bargain out.  The settlement will have the force of fleet Law once reached.  It is between us alone.  It may not be used as a precedent or in any future criminal or civil action not directly related to the terms of this understanding.  Things said or admitted in this Wergeld may not be used against either of us in future legal action, civil or criminal. Any future charges brought must stand on their own merits and may not derive from this agreement.  Last, all grudges and feuds between the parties of this Wergeld must be put aside or the whole thing is voided and the Law will take its proper course.

“The wrongs in question have been listed already.  They are not disputable.  All else is subject to negotiation.

“The first term of the offer is this.  Mister Kotance has already been separately charged.  No term of this Wergeld shall be in any way binding on him.

“For our part, we have Mister Morgu and Silor who will have to be tried before the fleet for their mutiny, attempted murder and murder.  This whole sad mess began and was caused by their hate.  They also shall have no protection in this Wergeld.

“Can you agree with us so far?” asked Kurin hopefully.

Alor, the Longin’s Purser and legal officer, asked Captain Sarfin, “Before we say anything, will the Naral fleet agree to this — Wergeld thing?”

Sarfin steepled his hands, thought for a moment, and then conferred with Sula.  He nodded and Sula spoke for the bench.  “As one of the parties involved is Arrakan and we are not in Naral fleet waters, Arrakan Law and Custom may be properly invoked.  The Third Great Law gives the Naral fleet no choice in the matter.  They must enforce the Wergeld as agreed between you.”

“Then we can agree, so far, Kurin.”  She tilted her head in sad puzzlement at one change that she had heard.  “Us?  We? Our? Kurin?  Will you still leave us?  What good will this do if we cannot have the school and the mapping contract?”

“Don’t be afraid, Alor,” Kurin reassured her.  “I won’t abandon you to be Scattered.  Some things do have to change, though.”

She turned and asked, “Barad, will you present the next term?”

He stood and smiled in a twisted sort of way.  “I never thought to be in this position.  Mord Halyn Longin, I have to apologize to you in particular.  That I tried to stop the mutiny is no excuse for starting the plot in the first place.  I was wrong.  I am sure that my error brought you onto dry land for a time.  I am also sure that you now have safe water under your keel.  The term is this.  The fleet must restore your Master’s Certificate and replace you at the helm of the Longin.  They need you.  If you don’t think so, just look at how quickly and to what extent they went out the scuppers without you.  

“Besides, you were a guest at our Announcement Feast, so my old feud with you is dead or I lose my wife.  Can you agree to this?”  He held out his hand toward Mord, who appeared to be looking for some hook in what he had heard.  At last, prodded by Alor, he shook Barad’s hand in agreement.  He appeared to be disturbed that he owed his restoration, ship and freedom to Barad whom he had always thought of (correctly) as an enemy.

Tanlin stood and raised hands for attention.  “As Ca’tain o’ t’e Grandalor, Oi ‘ave t’ bring t’e next part o’ t’e Wergeld. By t’e terms, Oi can bring up yer violation o’ t’e Fift’ Groit Law an’ ye cannae be charged in any way because even i’ t’is negotiation gets off t’e hook, we’ve let t’e matter go. As a result o’ t’at violation t’ree o’ m’ crew were killed an’ twa wounded.  In t’e piracy attempt, a furt’er ane wa’ killed.  T’e murderer ‘as been charged but ‘is chance came because nane o’ ye but Kurin tried t’ stop ‘t.

“We lost Lenai Halin, t’e best riggin’ surveyor an’ sail lofter in m’ experience.  She wa’ a gentle soul ‘oo never raised ‘er voice t’ any.  She spent many ‘ours at m’ bedside teachin’ m’ t’ read yer script an’ figure wit’ yer numbers.  ‘Er son Arnat’s got nae mot’er now.  

“Helmsman Macoul wa’ dead before ‘e ‘it t’e boat under ‘im.  ‘E braved t’e Coriolis Storm, off ‘is wotch, t’ bring ‘ot food an’ drink t’ Barad an’ Darkistry as t’ey conned t’e ship int’ t’e eye o’ t’e storm.  A good mon.  Gone.  

“Bosun Modanet ‘elped direct t’e rescue operations wen t’e Princamorn sank.  ‘E an’ Barad pulled m’ oot o’ t’e woter an’ saved m’ life.  Died on yer ship wit’ never t’e attention o’ a doctor.  Cast overboard loike garbage.

“Our second day wotch drummer, Morga, a lad o’ fifteen.  Nae older’ll ‘e get.  Ripped apart an’ sent over t’e side by a Strong Skin catapult ‘arpoon aimed at Kurin an’ Darkistry.

“Like t’e mot’er Orca o’ Kurin’s tale, Oi’m surry for us bot’. We cannae bring t’em bock.  Oi propose t’at ye pay Arnat ten skins a Gat’ering for ‘is maintenance.  Any unused balance, an’ t’ere will be, is t’ go into ‘is Purser’s account as a nest egg for wen ‘e gets married.  For Lenai, we ask an annual rigging an’ sail survey dune by t’e Mordan at yer expense.  Any replacement cable or cordage is t’ be Mordan Twist.  We split t’e cost o’ any sails needed.  Oi ask yer ‘elp in Macoul’s case. Oi donnae know how t’ value ‘im.  Oi wish t’at Oi’d known ‘im better.”

“We are not responsible for . . .” Master Juris started when Mord, Alor and Mistress Daeron all silenced him.

Mistress Daeron said, “Even in the Rope Walk, I heard the fog drum go silent.  I knew that we were still in fog and I did not send to find the cause.  I know that the rest of us did the same because we have all discussed it.

“I do not know whether anything would have changed if we had investigated.  We cannot change it nor bring back your dead.  We should have tried.  That we are guilty of.  We stood by and did not even try to do something when we knew that something was wrong.  We heard the screams.  All of us.”

Tanlin answered her, “For our part, we precipitated t’e incident.  We approached ye under false colors.  Ever’ member o’ t’at party bore a message from m’ t’ clear t’at up after t’ey had gotten aboard.”  Tanlin paused and shook her head sadly, “We dinnae expect t’at nane o’ t’ dozen wad reach yer deck alive.

“We came t’ t’e Longin because we couldnae trust any ot’er ship except t’e Dorton, an’ we dinnae know w’ere she wa’.  We ‘oped t’ speak t’ Kurin.  At a ‘orrible cost we did.  She ‘as repaid our trust better t’an we could ‘ave ‘oped.  She’s even saved m’ Barad.

“T’e cost t’ ‘er wa’ equally ‘orrid.  T’ ‘elp us, she’s lost ‘er ‘ome ship.”

Master Juris spluttered, “She has not.  The Longin needs her.  We couldn’t send her away.  It would ruin us.”

Tanlin said scornfully, “W’at ye’ve just said makes t’e case.  Nae part o’ w’at any o’ ye said wa’, ‘We luve ‘er.’  Since ‘er fat’er died, only five beings on t’is world ‘ave said, ‘Oi luve ye’ t’ ‘er.  An’ t’ey were all birds.”

“Six,” Kurin interrupted, speaking to Tanlin.  “You were part of the flock that came to save me from Captain Urson.  And you have held and hugged me without needing a reason.”

Master Juris snorted, “We could do that.”

“T’en wye dinnae ye?” was Tanlin’s sharp retort.  “Ye ‘ad six Gat’erings t’ ‘elp a child.  All ye did wa’ teach ‘er an’ praise ‘er wen she did well.  No ‘ugs.  Naebody t’ ‘old. Just pain an’ emptiness inside, ‘eld at bay by learnin’ an’ work.”

A tear of gratitude leaked from Kurin’s eye as she said, “The last part of this Wergeld is this.  We will settle all the remaining unsettled claims.  I am the price you must pay.  I have found a home on the Grandalor, not just a place to stay.  

“Your Ship’s Business will remain safe, specifically, the mapping and charting, the navigation system, the Longin lace, and the fishing and shellfish taking and storage methods.

“I will come to the Longin to supervise and teach the school and also to map the Naral fleet waters according to your contracts.  From each Fall Gathering to each Spring Gathering I will be aboard the Grandalor while she trades with the Arrakan, Daroff, and Pallant fleets.  By the time that your mapping contract with the Naral fleet is done, if not well before, there should be others who can take over the school.

“That should complete the Wergeld and keep you safe from the Scattering that would otherwise be required.  We have thrown you a line.  Don’t drown.”

Kurin turned to Tanlin.  “Captain Tanlin, I have something for you.  It has nothing to do with the business of this Court.  This is my own free choice and I want it seen and witnessed by all.”  She held out her hands in the Arrakan style and knelt.  Tanlin took Kurin’s small hands in her own as Kurin began, “I Kurin Behar Longin, now of the Grandalor alone . . .”

“I wish that I had known about this kind of love when I gave you your Gift,” said Blind Mecat softly.  “I never got it either.”

-THE END-

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[sansa-of-oldstones]

In The Chaos - Chapter 4

Finally finished another chapter of this modern au I refuse to abandon.

Chapter 1/ Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Also on Ao3 

-

It’s weeks before Brandon Stark graces them with his presence. Jon had heard of him. Stark Technologies was responsible for a majority of the advancements Jon had seen in his lifetime, and Brandon Stark was its CEO. He’s famous for more than his name, and filthy stinking rich. From what Jon had heard, he’s also a bit of an asshole, and nothing like his brothers. He was anxious to meet this man no one seemed fond of.

He sat next to Sansa in the conference room the hospital had let them use. Robb glared at the clock on the wall from across the table.

“He should have been here ten minutes ago.” Sansa shared her brother’s disapproval.

“He’ll be here.” Benjen promised. Jon had heard Benjen on the phone with who he could only assume was Brandon. Benjen may be younger, but he wasn’t taking any of Brandon’s shit. “It was a long flight.”

“Don’t make excuses for him.” Robb warned. “We still like you.”

Brandon joined them shortly thereafter, wearing a suit that fit him perfectly, and sunglasses Jon knew to be expensive. Before his father was hired to be a part of Ned Stark’s guard, he’d worked for people like Brandon. The fancy clothes, and expensive accessories. Jon knew the type.

A young man not too much older than Jon and Robb stood beside Brandon. Probably the son of an employee, or someone Brandon owed a favor too, Jon decided. Brandon’s eyes landed on Jon while he was greeting Benjen.

“Good gods.” Brandon shook his head. “You didn’t look like Ned when you were little, but you sure as the seven hells do now.”

Jon stared at him awkwardly.

“Brandon, that isn’t your nephew.” Benjen sighed, turning him toward Robb. “This is your nephew.”

“Robb.” He gritted through his teeth, and introduced himself to his uncle.

“That makes a lot more sense.” Brandon nodded. “You must be Sansa. It’s lovely to finally meet you, my dear. I’m sorry it took so long.”

“It’s nice to meet you too.” Sansa was as sweet as can be, remembering her manners, but Jon knew it was only courtesy.

“So, you’re the ward...” Brandon turned once again to Jon.

“Jon.” He corrected him. He would not be known as the ward.

“Benny, is there something you’re not telling me about Jon here?” Brandon wondered, making Jon uncomfortable.

“No.” Benjen shrugged, taking the paperwork from in front of Davos.

“So, it’s a coincidence that I feel like a grumpy, teenage Ned is sitting right in front of me?” Brandon asked. “It’s a bit unnerving.”

Perhaps it was guilt. Or grief. Grief can do strange things to the mind, Jon knew.

“Just sign the paperwork.” Benjen shoved the paperwork into Brandon’s chest.

“Am I allowed to read it first?” Brandon smirked. “Always read what you sign, children. Let that be my first lesson to you all.”

“Who’s your friend?” Benjen looked Brandon’s associate over.

“This is Theon Greyjoy.” Brandon answered, still reading. “He’s interning with me.”

“Greyjoy?” Benjen laughed. “How’d a Greyjoy end up interning with you?”

“I applied.” Theon was confident. Jon didn’t like his attitude. He didn’t appreciate the way he was speaking to Benjen. “What’s it to you?”

“Wanted off the Iron Islands, did ya?”

“Where are the others?” Brandon handed Davos the paperwork. “There are three other children?”

“They’re upstairs in the game room.” Davos told him, organizing the papers into a file. He looked tired, Jon thought. It was understandable. The younger Starks were giving them all a run for their money. Bran was miserable, and pissed off at the world. Robb was preoccupied looking out for Bran, and Arya and Rickon felt slighted. Rickon listened to Sansa most of the time, but Arya listened to no one. She was missing her parents, Robb, and Bran. She was acting out. She had taken to influencing Rickon. Jon woke up a few nights before to neither of them in their bed. He found them soaking wet in the lobby. They had snuck into the kitchen, and the pool. They got stranded downstairs without a key. They were lucky they didn’t drown, and Jon had words with the employee at the front desk who was supposed to lock the door to the kitchen and pool. He didn’t tell anyone else. Davos was getting grey hair, and Benjen already had enough to deal with. He knew Sansa would sleep even less. He was satisfied with Arya and Rickon promising to not leave the hotel room alone again.

The game room was a life saver, and a great source of motivation for a recovering Bran. It took a couple weeks, and a lot of patience, but he was now able to sit safely in a wheelchair. When they left to meet with Brandon, he was playing air hockey with Arya.

“How is young Brandon?” Brandon wondered, and Jon noticed Sansa discreetly roll her eyes. Jon could almost hear Bran insisting he was named after Bran The Builder, not their estranged uncle. “I’ve been worried.”

“Have you?” Robb sassed, the sarcasm obvious.

“Robb...” Benjen attempted to intercede, but Robb was not having it.

“It’s been weeks.” Robb raged, clenching his fists. “He wasn’t scared out of his mind while Bran was having surgery. He wasn’t up all night with him after, terrified to lose him too. He hasn’t helped him with therapy. He wasn’t even here for his brother’s funeral. He hasn’t been here.”

He hadn’t visited the ruins of the library, searching for answers they wouldn’t find. He hadn’t had the nightmares. Noises probably didn’t send his heart racing. He hasn’t been traumatized. Jon understood Robb’s anger. It was weirdly comforting. Misery loves company.

“There were matters I needed to attend to.” Brandon offered. “I couldn’t just drop everything going on in my life.”

“Some of us didn’t have a choice.” Jon swore Robb snarled. “Uncle Benjen has responsibilities, and he’s been here. I had plans to go to The Vale, but I guess those went up in smoke with everything else. Bran had plans too. We all did.”

“That’s enough.” Benjen placed hand on Robb’s shoulder.

“It needed to be said.” Robb defended himself. “I won’t apologize.”

“I’m not asking you to.”

“You can still go to The Vale.” Brandon sounded sincere.

“No, I can’t.”

“Why don’t we head upstairs.” Davos suggested, hoping to ease the tension. “You can meet the other children.”

They were still playing air hockey when Davos opened the door to the game room.

“That’s seven!” Bran cheered, bringing Rickon into a headlock. “We win!”

“You have Rickon cheating!” Arya whined. “It isn’t fair!”

“You didn’t have a problem with us being a team before we beat you.” Bran pushed the brakes of his wheelchair back so he could move. “Victory lap!”

He circled around the table with Rickon on his lap. Rickon laughed loudly in delight when Bran popped a wheelie. Jon smiled. He’d been working on that for days. It was nice to see them acting like kids again.

“I demand a rematch!” Arya pouted, and noticed their arrival. “Robb or Jon can be on my team!”

“I’m getting tired.” Bran stopped, and Rickon lowered himself off of his brother. “Sorry.”

“Liar.”

“Arya, leave him be.” Robb told her sternly. “Come meet Uncle Brandon.”

“He is lying.” Arya insisted, and shuffled over to them. “Hi.”

“You look just like your aunt.” Brandon smiled at her. Jon had never heard anything about the Starks having an aunt. Brandon tousled Bran’s hair while Rickon hid behind Benjen. “I know you’re all sick of the south. Home is almost ready. Some accommodations for Bran needed to be made.”

“It’s a long trip north.” Robb huffed protectively. “He still needs therapy three times a day.”

“There are perfectly capable therapists up there willing to work with him.”  

“I can go home?!”

“When will it be ready?” Arya was curious, and anxious to leave King’s Landing. She was happy, hopeful.

“I’ve been told a week, but I’m hoping sooner.”

Everyone but Sansa seemed excited. Jon understood it. Going home meant being surrounded by memories of those she lost. It was easier to escape in the hotel.

A few days later, they flew north on Brandon’s plane. Unlike Theon Greyjoy, Jon remained unimpressed. He had a plane, and it still took him this long to be with his nieces, nephews, and brother. It was clear the man had other priorities. Quite frankly, Jon was disgusted.

Everything that was theirs from the Prime Minister’s residence was packed up, and put in storage a couple days after the assassinations. It was waiting for them at Winterfell when they arrived, something that annoyed them all. They would have liked to pack their own belongings, but that wasn’t an option.

“Sansa!” Arya screamed, knowing Sansa’s room was closest to her own. Jon’s new room was down the hall. She was kneeling next to Arya, consoling her when Jon got there. “This is Mom’s! They put it in one of my boxes! This is why I wanted to pack!”

“They put one of Dad’s notebooks in mine.” Sansa soothed her. “I wanted to rip it apart.”

“I just want it to stop hurting!” Arya sobbed. “Get it out of my room!”

It felt like a very personal moment, and Jon felt like he should leave, but he doesn’t. He blinked, and his face was wet. Unless there was something that belonged to his father in his boxes, Jon had nothing of his parents. He barely even remembered his mother. He wasn’t even sure if the memories he has are real, or if he made them up to fill the void her absence left in his life. He’d give anything to have his mother’s necklace, or his father’s notebook.

Sansa held the velvet case, and looked at the necklace that upset Arya so much. “Maybe she wanted you to have it.”

“I don’t want it.” Arya wiped her face. “It’s hers.”

“I’ll hold on to it for you.”

“I don’t care.” Arya sighed. “As long as it’s out of my room.”

“Uncle Benjen brought some cookies from that bakery in Wintertown.” Sansa stood up. “I’m going to have some.”

“Are there lemon cake ones?” She had Arya’s interest. “I like those.”

“Gods, I hope so.”

“I read that you shouldn’t eat your feelings.” Arya worried, following her, and seeing Jon. “Jon? What’s wrong?”

He doesn’t answer. He wanted to tell Jon to answer that he’s fine, but Jon wasn’t listening. This had happened before. The therapists his father took him to when he was younger called it dissociation. His mind conveniently pretends he isn’t Jon when it sucks to be Jon. It’s kind of like when you’re little, and pretend you’re invisible. Did other kids play that game, he wondered, while Sansa and Arya tried to talk to Jon. It had been happening more since that day everything went to shit.

“Let’s go downstairs.”

“He’s crying.” Yes, Jon was leaking like a faucet, and there was no stopping it.

“Go downstairs.” Sansa urged, eyeing Jon. Arya does not go downstairs. He was aware of them looking at Jon blubbering like an idiot, but he simply had to wait it out.

“I’m okay.” He was Jon again. “Just tired.”

“You’re all a bunch of liars.” Arya shook her head. “I’m going to eat my feelings.”

“What was that?”

“Nothing.”

“That was not nothing.” Sansa stared at him. He didn’t blame her. “Are you back with us?”

“I check out sometimes when I get upset.”

“This has happened before?”

“It’s not a big deal.”

“Whatever you say.” Sansa grumbled, and brushed past him.

“I’m sorry.” Jon had no idea how to explain it. “I can’t help it.”

“I’m just missing when a bad day was a day it rained after I straightened my hair.”

“That is a bad day.” Jon followed her downstairs.

“I can’t tell if you’re teasing me.”

“I’m too tired to tease anyone.” Jon explained. Dissociating was exhausting. “I know what you mean, though. Rain is not a friend to this hair. It means I have to wear a hat or a hood.”

“Does it happen a lot?”

“When I lived a tropical climate, yes.”

“I meant checking out.”

“Don’t worry about it.” They walked into the kitchen. They could see Arya on the front porch, eating her cookies.

“You were catatonic.” Sansa snapped. “Is it still catatonic if you’re crying?”

He was impressed she knew what catatonic meant.

“I’m fully aware of what’s going on.” Jon answered. “I’m Jon, but not. It’s like an out of body experience.”

“Does anyone know?”

“My Dad did.” Jon nodded. “He tried to help. He did.”

“Okay.” Sansa looked through the box on the table. “I won’t tell anyone, but I can’t guarantee Arya won’t.”

“It’s fine.” She passed the box to him. “They’re bound to notice anyway.”

“Does anything help?”

“Not really.” He knew he just had to wait it out until it was over. “Thank you, though.”

Rickon and Robb were out in the yard with Benjen. He wanted to tell Sansa how lucky Rickon is. He’d only had his father. He wanted to tell her how worried he is about her little brother. He didn’t want Rickon to be like him. He doesn’t tell her. She had enough to worry about.

-

Next chapter will be a couple of years later, so that is it for this time in their story. They’re all a mess, and I’m sorry. This has kind of taken on a life of its own. You can probably tell Jon has been a mess for a while. More on that later. I wanted to really focus on him, and his grief this chapter. Also, I wanted to show Arya and Sansa starting to become closer because I need that. Reminder that they will be happy, eventually. Slowburn happiness. Is that a thing? Note: Jon’s mother died when he was four, like Rickon. It was extremely traumatic for him, for reasons that will be discussed later. He sees a lot of himself in Rickon, and that’s why. I want to make it clear that he was very loved by his parents. It’s how he lost them that led to him being such a mess. 

[my-emotional-self]

Truth or Dare Gone Right Part 2/4

Pairings: Steve Rogers x Reader

Word Count: 1,571

Warnings: Drinking, Sexual Tension,Swearing, Eventual Smut

Ratings: PG-13

Summary: Being the personal assistant to the Avengers wasn’t all that bad, except your huge crush on Steve made you turn into mush. On your annual game night, Tony insists you play Truth or Dare.  It seems as if a few people already know your secret and they are trying to hook you up with Steve.  

 While the cold wind whipped around you, you felt nothing but warmth as Steve stood behind you; his arms now encircling you into a tight embrace to fight the cold.  You couldn’t help but smile at the gesture as you bit your lower lip thinking how this would feel even better if you both were naked. A cough to your left broke you from your thought and you turned your head to see who it was.  Nat was standing about ten feet away with a smirk on her face. She gave you a thumbs up and a wink before you rolled your eyes at her and faced forward yet again.  

You had downed your drink earlier and it was now working its way through your already warm body; making you feel extra toasty and relaxed.  Deciding now was as good of a time as any to make a move; you took your hands off the railing and placed them on his forearms which were circled around your chest.  “Ooohh” Steve jumped at your gesture “your hands are cold.”  You giggled like a school girl as you apologized; Steve telling you it was just fine and to keep your hands there to warm them up.  

You faintly heard someone screaming from below and everyone realized it was Tony.  You all burst out laughing as he skipped joyfully down the streets of New York, belting out one of the now most annoying songs in the world. Your body shook from the deep rumble of Steve’s boisterous laughter and you loved the feeling of him in such close proximity to you.  

Once Tony finished parading around the streets, you all cheered for him from high above.  You saw him move to head back inside the building as everyone else started to head back to the living room.  Steve released his arms around you and you shyly gazed up at him. “Thank you” you bashfully said to him. Stepping around him, you made your way back inside.

“Nice move Stevie” Bucky said to Steve as he laid his hands on his shoulders and gave a friendly squeeze. “I still don’t know if she feels the same way Buck” Steve stated with disappointment.  “We’ve been over this buddy, I’ve had more experience than you with girls…so trust me when I say that she likes you” Bucky consoled.

Inside, Nat was gushing over how cute Steve acted towards you.  You kept telling her to be quiet about the whole ordeal but alas, it was Nat and she didn’t know when to shut up.  She finally quieted down once Steve and Bucky re-entered the living room from the balcony.  

The elevator dinged and alerted everyone to see Tony’s arrival back inside.  “Easy…childs play” he said with a shrug as he grabbed himself another drink from the kitchen.  You too decided it was time for another drink and ambled over towards Tony.  “You did good Tony” you said as you tried to hide your chuckle.  “Yeah yeah yeah….I’ll get you my pretty” Tony replied as he left you alone in the kitchen. Shit, ok now you were nervous with his revenge plan.  You made your drink quickly and headed back to join the others.

Upon seeing everyone seated the way they were, you froze.  Jane and Thor along with Pepper and Tony were in the same seats as before.  But now, Bucky occupied your seat next to Clint and Nat, only leaving a spot open next to Steve.  You saw both Natasha and Bucky grin smugly and you scowled.  “Come on Y/N…sit down so we can keep playing” Tony directed. You gave him a glare as you made your way over to the couch and took a seat next to Steve.  “Are you all warmed up now?” Steve questioned with a hint of a smile on his face.  There it goes, your body betraying you yet again at the sound of his voice in such close proximity of you; tingles shocking through your body.  “Umm, yes, thank you Steve” you replied nervously.

“My turn” Tony spoke as he stood up and rubbed his hands back and forth, deciding who his next target would be.   Please not me, please not me, please not me you kept drumming over and over in your head. “Natasha, truth or dare!”  You let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding when he said Nat’s name.

“What do you take me for? A coward?  Dare!” Nat exclaimed as she raised her hands in the air with exaggeration.  “I dare you to pole dance around a stop sign….for five minutes” Tony pronounced, taking a sip from his drink.  Your jaw dropped to the floor at the dare she had to do, but Nat being Nat, kept her face stoic and void of any emotions.  

She got up from the couch and made her way to the elevators as Tony followed.  “I’m not missing this one…anyone else care to join?”  Everyone got up and followed Tony, including Steve, but you didn’t want to.  You would rather watch from the balcony.  “I’m going to stay behind on this one guys…I’ll watch from the balcony again.” Steve hesitated at your words, finally deciding to stay behind with you too.  Bucky whispered something to Steve before stalking into the elevator with the rest of the Avengers.  You felt your face heat up once again and you cursed yourself silently at being so damn bashful.  

Making your way back out to the balcony, you noticed it got even cooler than the last time you were out here.  Of course being in your forgetful state of mind, constantly thinking about Steve tonight, you forgot to put on a jacket.  You shivered straight away as your bones felt chilled.  Gazing up, you admired the beautiful clear night.  You were in New York City so you couldn’t see the stars no matter how hard you tried; but it was still a beautiful night nonetheless. You heard Steve before you felt him and he placed a blanket around your shoulders.  “I thought you would be cold again so I brought you a blanket” he said, his voice captivating you again.  “I didn’t mind the last way I was warmed up” you blurted out without hesitation. Your eyes shut as you realized what you just said, mentally smacking yourself on the forehead.  Luckily, Steve didn’t seem to mind as you heard him chuckle behind you.  Before you knew it, his arms were encircling you once again.  You felt his nose nuzzle the top of your head and your breath hitched at his motion.  His hands moved from around you and onto your shoulders and gently started to massage them. Your head fell back unthinkingly as a moan escaped your lips.  You didn’t even try bothering to hold it back, his hands massaging your shoulders felt too damn wonderful.  “Feel good” Steve rasped out as his fingers dug deeper into your muscles.  “Mmmhhmm” was all you were able to let out.  His chest rumbled with a small chuckle at your answer to his question.  Where was all this confidence from both of you coming from?  

You were cut short from your thoughts as the elevator opened and laughing was heard all the way through the building. You felt Steve give you a soft kiss on your head before he headed back inside.  You couldn’t move, you stood there frozen to your spot.  Why had he just kissed you?  What was going on here??  Someone yelling your name broke you from your thoughts as you shakily started walking back inside.  

“I can’t believe the police ended your dare before the five minutes were up” Clint roared in laughter as you ambled back inside.  Your eyes scanning the room, you saw Steve and Bucky quietly talking again before you made your way back to the couch.  “Hey, at least I made some money” Nat bit back as she lay crumpled up money onto the coffee table.

“Oh goody, it’s my turn” Nat said, an evil grin gracing her face.  You gave her a disappointing look, hoping she would get the hint and not pick you. But her choice didn’t make it any better.  “Steve…..truth or dare?”  You let out a sigh, but it wasn’t a sigh of relief.  You had a feeling of what Nat was trying to get at and as you looked up from your lap, you noticed Bucky was also smiling like the evil ass he was.  

“Uhh….truth I guess” Steve stammered out.  You could hear the nervousness in his voice and it in turn made you nervous.  

“Who do you think is the most attractive person in this room?”  Nat asked out triumphantly.  “Oh god” you whispered, barely audible for anyone to hear.  The room was dead silent as Steve pondered the question in his head; even though he already knew the answer.  You started to get fidgety and ultimately decided in your head that it couldn’t be you….right?  You grabbed your drink from the coffee table and started chugging it down as Steve gave his answer.  “Y/N of course” he stated so nonchalantly.  Your drink went flying out of your mouth as you spat it out once your name left his lips; earning groans from everyone you got wet.  Your eyes became wide, heart racing, and face heating up as you turned in his direction to see him smiling brightly at you. 

Tag List: @evansfanficweekly @patzammit @iamwarrenspeace @castellandiangelo @white-chocolate-mocha-fan @ginger-wayward-assbutt @crystallimythium @potterhead1265 @wowiebro @marvelimagines-for-all

[endlesstalesofwonder]

New York Serenade Part 2

I also had this one on file. Enjoy!

Alec hummed the last few notes to himself over and over again until it was the last thing he heard as he fell asleep.

The next morning, Alec was greeted to silence in the city. His window was open, the sun was long since risen and there was nothing disturbing about it.

Which was a problem.

The neighbor would have been singing away by this time, or at least tuning his guitar by now. But there was none of that. There was nothing but the hum of soft traffic nearby and the birds singing their attraction for one another.

Alec rose from the bed and got ready for the day. He put on his daily, colorless outfit with his notoriously bland shoes and leather jacket. Others would see the poor taste in fashion and color, but all he saw - more so, felt - was pure comfort. And that was everything he aimed for in life.

He took his time eating breakfast, each crunch of his cereal disturbing the peace of his perfect world. But a man had to eat and he was willing to suffer for a brief moment to allow his stomach to not cry out in later hours of the day. He found himself wondering about the neighbor upstairs and what could possibly be better than trying to serenade the air once again. Perhaps he was eating cereal too. What kind of cereal does he like?

Alec pushed himself away from the table and cleaned the dishes before heading out into the hall. The resident across the hall - an older woman, Dorothea - peeked out of the crack in the door at the sound of him leaving his own dwelling. Her cracked and wrinkled face did nothing to deter him. He merely gave her a half smile before making his way down the stairs. The elevators were his choice, naturally, but the day demanded something else. It was in the air, in his blood, in his head.

Something new.

When he reached the bottom of the stairs, he made sure to check his mailbox, finding nothing there, of course, except the sparse bills and subscriptions he owed.

PG&E

Life Magazine (which he somehow signed up for, but he doesn’t remember actually doing)

AT&T

Nothing new.

Alec stuffed the mail into his bag and made off for the new day. He opened the door as another man stepped in, their shoulders knocking ever so slightly. Alec spun, spilling apologies while the other tripped slightly with the paper bag in his hands before scrambling off for the elevator.

Nothing new.

The rest of the day was horrible.

The change in the air could have been a figment of his imagination - the hope for something new to happen in the day, but there was nothing that could ever change. The day was spent dealing with people in the library who clearly had never been to a library before, and needed hand-holding to figure out how to research where the location of their intended book was. All they needed to do was log into the network and search it. But even that was a hassle for some people.

Alec lugged himself into the lobby with a heavy sigh. He checked his mail again, expecting nothing. He opened and closed it before recognizing the familiar shape and size of an envelope hiding in the darkness of the box.

It was one of the decorative envelopes one would get for a party or event, rather a bill or notice. The paper was a deep, dark red with a gold sticker holding the flap closed.

This was new. He had never received anything from anyone before. Not even his own family sent him things. They either delivered it themselves (as an excuse to see him) or never did.

He checked for a return address, mailing address, anything to indicate who it may be from. But there was nothing. The only indication was that they had some good stationary worth showing off.

Alec couldn’t wait to walk up three flights of stairs to open it in the sanction of his home. He pulled the sticker off and pulled out the simple square sheet that was left inside for him. Gold writing graced the page, in elegant font: Nine-Thirty. M.

No anyone else, it would be gibberish. The numbers would mean nothing. The single letter - nothing. To Alec, it was everything - contact.

He checked his phone for the time: 6:22 pm.

Alec didn’t waste any time bolting for the third floor as if it held all of life’s answers.

Nine o’clock came slowly.

It was like each second was a minute longer than it needed to be and it didn’t help that Alec counted and paced in his living space until it was ten past nine. He had the window open to the fire escape, a better vantage point to listen than the one in his bedroom which faced the opposite side of the building.

Alec started to worry when it was five minutes past the intended time, but then it came:

All I want is nothing more

To hear you knocking at my door

'Cause if I could see your face once more

I could die as a happy man I'm sure

He sounded gentle and unsure, almost. It was in the strum of his fingers and the slight pause after each line of lyrics. It was like he was second guessing every move, every breath he was making.

But he continued.

He’d always continue.

When you said your last goodbye

I died a little bit inside

Alec wondered what the man looked like. He knew what he sounded it like, sure. It was unmistakeable and enriching. Alec would listen to it without end so long as he could wake up and go to sleep with it.

Perhaps he was blonde with blue eyes. Or brown. Or green. That really didn’t matter to him. He was probably tall too and had some forbidden and secretive birthmark he doesn’t want anyone else to know about. Alec snorted at his own thoughts.

I lay in tears in bed all night

Alone without you by my side

Alec could hear it clearly now - the hesitation.

But If you loved me

Why did you leave me

Take my body

Take my body

All I want is

All I need is

To find somebody

There was something else behind the voice.

Every so often he would pause and continue, the words following quivering - shaking.

It left Alec feeling utterly raw and vulnerable.

I'll find somebody

Something wet hit Alec’s cheek. He quickly rose his hand to his face and wiped away the water that found itself there. In that split second, he wanted to blame it on the neighbor above him. He wanted to scream and poke a broom at the ceiling claiming that a pipe was broken and he needed to fix it.

But no one would believe him.

The tears on his face kept coming and Alec really didn’t know what to do with them. He just let them fall. One after another they kept coming and there weren’t enough hands to keep swiping them away.

They fell onto his clothes.

They fell onto his neck.

They simply fell… fell.. fell.

'Cause you brought out the best of me

A part of me I'd never seen

Alec was brought back to another time - a time when he had been the best version of himself. It was new and exciting and so free that he thought nothing could ever ruin it. It had been several years ago when he had been trying to discover who he was in the world. He was Alec Lightwood, sure, but that really wasn’t him. It was a burden at that time - the burden of responsibility and honor on the family name. He was supposed to follow in his father’s footsteps and run “the family company” and “make us all proud”.

That dream was thrown away the second he told his sister the truth:

He didn’t want it.

He didn’t want the family honor.

He didn’t want the burden of the Lightwood name.

He wanted something for him. He wanted happiness and something that actually made him want to smile and wake up every morning. He wanted to go to school and explore what there was that the world had to offer for him.

You took my soul wiped it clean

Our love was made for movie screens

It was in his exploration that he met the first boy he would ever love.

It was his freshman year of college when they met in the Philosophy class. Alec hadn’t meant to be there in the first place. He mistook the classrooms and ended up there but he had seen him there and couldn’t really leave. He gave him a seat next to him and from there it was like it was meant to be.

The one meeting turned into lunches together around campus. And then it was late night study groups - which turned into a people-watching fest in the library - and eating food on the lawn. Eventually Alec got the nerve to ask him what was between them and if it could be something more.

That’s how he got his first boyfriend and first kiss on the same day.

But If you loved me

Why did you leave me

And then it went to shit.

He woke up the morning after. Alone.

Alec went into panic at first and eventually managed to settle down. He got it into his head that everything was fine and that they were fine.

Take my body

The next morning he found out it had been a dare.

It was all a lie. A game to see how much time was needed to take and break a heart.

Take my body

Two weeks.

The answer is two weeks.

All I want is

He hasn’t opened his heart up since.

All I need is

He ended up going back to work in his father’s company and fill the impossibly big shoes he left for him after all that time. He was respected and given “the greatest of opportunities that life has to offer”, his father would say. But the shoes were as heavy as they looked.

Alec made sure it swallowed him whole. The void; the work; the numbness.

Everything was lost.

To find somebody

That was when he made the change in his life. He left.

He made the decision. He was the one to take the first step - to walk away. It was only then that he realized how much he was wasting away day after day. He had lost weight. There were bags under his eyes. It was like a ghost had taken place of the man that he used to be.

And now he was something.

Something better.

He had made friends in the city when he moved. He met with a man who owned the local bakery and cafe; it was his kindness that enabled him to find a job at the nearest library where they were both short-staffed and short. The women there nearly fainted at the tall man asking if there were jobs available.

And he knew then that he would be able to find happiness there. Even if it took some time.

I'll find somebody

The last few notes echoed in his chest.

The tears had stopped rolling a while ago, leaving him drained and leaning against the chair for support. His heart reached out for the man upstairs. Perhaps he was crying too. Or perhaps the song were his tears instead, each word a tear falling away and away and away.

It was a nice thought.

[sapphicalexaandra]

I Will Follow You Into The Dark

Pairing: Jace/Alec

Rating: T

Summary: When Jace is taken by Valentine, Alec would do anything to get him back.

Notes: What is this, a proper, long sequel? It didn't take too long, did it. Anyway, this is a rewriting/retracing of the start of s2, set after 'We're Not Lovers', and it includes scenarios that I had envisioned before the season even aired. Hope you will like it, and, again, this is NOT the end for this series. The title is from the song of the same name by Death Cab for Cutie, which is kind of fitting, as well as the song 'Follow You' by Bring Me The Horizon.

Alec’s whole body was twitching. First one finger, then a knee, then a muscle on his face; random parts of him all rose from the bed or moved inexplicably from their resting place, time after time, breath after breath. Only his eyes were unmoving, wide open and burning from lack of moisture.

Every spasm seemed to spell one name – the only name that mattered. Jace.

Two whole days had passed since Valentine took Jace through a portal, and Alec hadn’t slept. Two whole days, and Jace still hadn’t been recovered! Everyone was against him, against Jace, from Victor fucking Aldertree, to his mother, to Jace’s own mother – all people who were trying to get his parabatai killed and, as a result, Alec himself. And then there were those who just couldn’t hurry up and who thought Alec was just getting worked up over nothing. Half of his own soul was lost in the clutches of the most dangerous man of the Shadow world, and Alec was expected to sit down and hope for the best?!

He got up, pacing the room like a caged animal, the spasms in his body only worsening. He’d started having them ever since Jace’s disappearance had sank in, or that was what he thought. Yet, Alec had no idea what they meant. Jace was less than a ghost, a veil seeming to have been drawn on him and their bond…so maybe Alec’s body was simply receiving ripples from whatever the hell was happening to his parabatai?

In any case, Alec didn’t think it could be anything good, knowing Valentine. The uncertainty, and the certainty at the same time, put him in a restless state as more and more time went by. Jace was in pain, alone, back with the person who had hurt him the most in his entire life, and he would need Alec now more than ever. He needed to do something!

Tracking him had been a waste of time, since Jace had appeared back in New York right in that very moment, before vanishing once again – still, should Alec try again? Would Magnus accept to help him a second time? Except, even in that case, he’d have to wait for the day to start, when the ban to leave the Institute – put on him after his insubordination – would be redacted. Too many hours, when every minute he wasted meant agony for Jace!

He should try on his own; that was something. Alec went to pick his stele up from his bedside table…but he stopped before his fingers touched it. Memories of pain and a weakened bond rushed back to him. He couldn’t. He couldn’t do that to Jace, to them, again. He had promised not to ever risk their bond like that, not anymore.

What could he do?! He couldn’t sleep, he couldn’t find a solution in the confinement of the night and of his room, he couldn’t blast the walls down since nothing would be gained from revealing that particular power, except the assurance that he’d truly never see Jace again…

Alec was just about ready to tear his hair out.

He went to the training room instead.

One. Two. Three.

Punch. Punch. Punch.

His hits echoing in the chamber all around him, Alec hoped that if he strained himself enough, he’d stop thinking…or, if his hands started bleeding, the pain would fill the void inside him.

His breath came out in puffs. The sweat on his body trickled on the floor. He was so focused that his vision encompassed only that patch of leather where his fists fell down over and over again.  

When, suddenly, he saw something else.

Another fist, directed right at his face.

Alec jumped backwards, his heart missing a beat, and he blinked a few times. There was only the punching bag in front of him, nothing else.

His heart was now thumping wildly, his mind a question mark. What the hell was that?

But when nothing else happened, Alec could only resume his punching, brow furrowed.

One. Two. Three.

Punch. Punch. Punch.

The strained tendons in his arms screamed at him to slow down, but he didn’t care to listen. He had seen something, he was sure of it. He needed to take another look.

It took him longer than before, to get to that trance-like focus, but in the end he managed it…and that fist came back into his line of sight, intermittently, as if someone was switching the light on and off on that scene every other second. That hand seemed to be hitting him over and over again, a bald and brutish face attached to it, but Alec never felt it get to him.

When, suddenly, he realized what was probably going on. Someone was hitting Jace, not him…

Something like this had never happened. Their powers (mostly) included things that runes could do – enhanced ten folds, without actually having to use the runes, yes, but hardly more than that. It surely didn’t allow them to see what the other saw.

Until now.

Somewhere, somehow, someone was hitting Jace, and Alec could see it through Jace’s own eyes.

That is, until he started only seeing red. Someone was hitting Jace – his Jace! And the anger behind his punches became thunderous, the pain shooting up his arms every blow striking him like lightning bolts…but he couldn’t care less about his own pain, because he now knew what was happening to Jace. But at what cost?! His wish to know had been fulfilled, yes, but he had no more a way to help him than before!

It only felt like a cruel joke.  

Jace, if you can hear me, I’m here! Just hold on a little longer, I swear I’ll find you! Just you wait for me!

Then, not only metaphorically anymore, a gush of actual red erupted in front of him, and Alec realized it came from Jace. He was coughing up blood, but the man that was torturing him wasn’t sparing him any mercy. He was about to rain down on Jace once more. 

Alec couldn’t allow that any longer.

Irrationally, hopelessly, he brought a leg back, then sprung it forward, toward the punching bag, with all of his strength …only to have his calf collide with the brutish man’s ribs instead.

It didn’t look like his own leg, though – it was Jace’s leg…and Alec found himself hanging by the hands, his upper half naked, the pain in his entire body so much worse than before that his strained arms had been practically nothing. As he kicked at Jace’s torturer, however, fueled by a rage he had never felt in his life, he didn’t care. The man doubled over, falling on the ground, and Alec broke out of his chains with a growl. It was Jace’s voice coming out of him.

Ignoring just as well the new wave of pain that hit him as he landed on his hands and knees, he didn’t waste any time questioning the hows and whys of the situation, because he needed to get Jace out of there, wherever he was! Alec started running, barely taking in the cages and more chains hanging in that giant room; he only knew, somehow, where the stairs were, and he started climbing them at breakneck speed. Whenever he encountered someone trying to stop him, he fought them back with a strength he didn’t know he – they – had. Only when he reached the deck – of Valentine’s ship! – did he stop. Dozens of people, as well as Valentine himself, were surrounding him. He would’ve fought them all, he could’ve killed them all, and then he would’ve opened a portal to get Jace back to the Institute, he just knew he had enough channeled energy in that moment to do it…

But right as Alec was about to act, his head was suddenly split in half by a ringing sound. He grabbed at his head, unable to stifle a shout, everyone looking at him as if he were a madman…the view behind them looked very familiar…and he was on the ground of the Institute training room.

“Alec, wake up, please, wake up!”

Alec’s eyes shot open and his sister’s worried face hovering over him was the first thing he saw. He bolted upright, a weird sense of panic settling in him as he slowly found his bearings again.

Why the hell was he on the floor? Why were Izzy, his mother, and Victor Aldertree, all in their nightwear, surrounding him and looking at him as if he was going to pass out again?

“What is the meaning of this, Mr. Lightwood?” Aldertree addressed him, unsuccessfully hiding his annoyance at the situation.

Izzy looked up at their new boss with equally hidden reproach, as her hands tightened their hold on Alec’s, but before she could do anything, Maryse stepped up. Sending a quick, nervous side-glance in Aldertree’s direction, she crouched down next to her son, and started speaking in a hushed, seething tone, “Alec, how could you do this? Your behavior is becoming unacceptable…first you run off, then you break Institute property? Apologize, immediately.”

Alec had stayed unmoving with his mouth hanging open during the entire exchange, his head threatening to explode any minute, but his mother’s words got a reaction out of him. Turning his head, he noticed for the first time the literal…mess in front of them. The entire back window of the training room had fallen down, a punching bag laying on its remains – a bed of broken glass.

That sight sent a spark to Alec’s brain. “Jace!” he shouted aloud without even meaning to, as he struggled to get on his feet. 

“Excuse me, what?”

Aldertree’s crossed voice forced Alec to turn his gaze away from the glass and towards him, where he found three sets of confused and expectant eyes staring at him. He had to give an explanation, quick. “I – I mean, I’m sorry, I just…”

I know where Jace is. I can get us all there, and take him back.

But how could he explain how he had gotten that information without revealing his and Jace’s incriminating powers?

His mind started scrambling for an answer at the rate of his accelerated heartbeat. “I – I didn’t mean to – I will get it fixed, I promise! I just…couldn’t sleep and needed to unwind, so I came here, when – when I received a fire message! From Jace!”  

Three pairs of eyebrows shot up.

“What are you saying, Alec? Mr. Aldertree, I apologize for my son’s behavior, he’s clearly not thinking lucidly, he must’ve hit his hea–”

“My head’s perfectly fine, and I know what happened!” Alec interrupted his mother, feeling more and more frantic. “A message appeared and it distracted me, so I accidentally sent the bag flying, okay? It had the coordinates of Valentine’s ship, by the Angel! Don’t you see? Jace managed to send it to me! But then – then the message exploded and I fell on the ground and must’ve passed out. Wait a minute, though, how did you all find me here?”

“A guard heard the crush and saw you hurt, so he sent for us,” Izzy told him distractedly, clearly still thinking over what Alec had said. “It was scary, you weren’t waking up for so long…but really, what did the message say exac-”

“Just make me understand, Mr. Lightwood,” Aldertree said then, slowly, as if talking to a mental patient. “You’re saying that Jace Wayland sent you a message containing his and Valentine’s whereabouts?”

Alec spoke over his mother’s impending protest, “Yes.”

“Do you realize that this could very well be a trap?”

Alec gulped, but didn’t budge under Aldertree’s stare. “It might, yes. But do you really not want to use this information, trap or not? You’re going to sit here and not send a raid over to Valentine’s ship…sir?  You could end up capturing Valentine himself, and Jace too! Think of how much the Clave will be pleased with us, with you, sir. But I assure you that Jace’s as much, if not more, a victim in this as anyone who gets played by Valentine. You might not believe that, you don’t need to believe that, but I think Jace’s done the Clave’s work for enough time to deserve a fair trial.” 

Alec, Izzy and Maryse all stayed silent, watching Aldertree with trepidation as he took his time to respond. The new Head of the New York Institute furrowed his brow. “I’ll take this information to the Inquisitor, and we’ll see what’s to be done about it. I give no guarantees to what will happen to the traitor Jace Wayland, but if he’s really as innocent as you say, the Soul Sword will be the one to decide that. In any case, neither of you, as well as Clary and Jocelyn Fairchild, will be allowed on this mission.”

Alec’s and Izzy’s protests were inevitable.

“We’re the best team you have around here, you can’t–”

“He’s my parabatai, he sent this message to me! I have the right–”

“Alec! Isabelle! Don’t talk like this to the Head–” 

“QUIET! All of you!”

The Lightwoods shut up. Aldertree was furious.

Alec more so. “I will not give this information if me or Izzy aren’t in on this mission, unless you torture me out of it! And do you really want to lose this much time and resources, when Valentine could strike us down any minute? Send us both, as well as whoever you want, and we’ll do whatever you say...sir. These are my conditions.” 

Aldertree’s face twitched for a moment, before he regained his cool. “I am in charge here, I set the conditions and decide what needs to be done! So you will receive notification of my, and the Clave’s, decision tomorrow. Now, guards, bring them all to their rooms, and make sure they stay there. And find someone to clean up this mess!”

Alec and Izzy shared a meaningful look when they were about to be lead their separate ways, and Alec mentally debated whether he should tell her the truth – but he decided he would not. They had never explicitly brought her in on their secret, and he wouldn’t start now. The stakes were too high.

At least, Alec was practically sure Aldertree would see it as he did and cave to his demands. His new ‘boss’ had been quite easy to read – he was a calculative, ambitious man, and he’d go as far or as near as would be more convenient to his ultimate goal: power and influence with the Clave. Alec had to admit he found himself in that, and he wasn’t entirely pleased by it. Still, that meant two could play at this game, and Aldertree was but an amateur, a mere nuisance in Alec’s path to Jace. He didn’t stand a chance.

Until morning, however, Alec was left to turn around in his bed once again, images of what had truly happened swirling in his mind. The sheer scope of that new ability he had discovered should’ve been a bigger concern for him right then – after all, him and Jace were broken up, they were supposed to be moving on from their romantic feelings for each other, and the fact that apparently that wasn’t keeping their powers from getting stronger didn’t sound good. Yet, it was rather the thought that his stint in trying to break Jace free had caused Jace even worse repercussions – Valentine couldn’t take well to an escape attempt – that tasted bitter in Alec’s mouth. No…it was real physical agony, right under his ribcage.

I’m so sorry, Jace. But I will get to you…I promise.

The abrupt way in which the pain stopped took Jace’s breath away. Only his hands and arms were still stinging, but compared to what he had been feeling before, it was nothing. That new blissful sensation positively made him dizzy, as well as the fact that the adrenaline was starting to fade now that he didn’t need it.

That was why Jace let himself unceremoniously drop on the ground of…the Institute training room? He was pretty sure it was that, just as he knew it, except that the entire back window was now broken, a punching bag the apparent cause for it. Weird, but Jace didn’t particularly care. He was probably passed out, and was dreaming of being – home. Therefore, there was no reason not to lay down and enjoy that moment of peace, until a bucket of water woke him up again.

Except…why did the pain on his knuckles feel so real? And why were the runes on his arms different? He could’ve sworn the one on his left forearm was the exact same Alec had…

Jace looked down at his body with a more critical look, and there was no mistaking the fact that it was entirely too big. He didn’t have such long legs, nor were his hair so dark. He touched his head and the mop there didn’t feel like his own at all. And he could clearly feel it, so could this really be a dream?

But what other explanation could there be? He was apparently in Alec’s body – not in the fun way, but in the impossible kind of way, because people didn’t just suddenly switch bodies. So, it must’ve been his imagination running wild.

Too bad, then, that the dream wasn’t more on that first line of thought; after all, if he really had to keep his senses in a bloody dream, why not have it there be pleasure instead of pain? His entire life seemed to be made of pain, with only Alec as his bright spot, his peace, his home – which he had lost…so maybe he should make this new kind of ‘being in Alec’s body’ fun.

Laying down on his back, Jace’s – Alec’s – hands started wandering on their own. It was thrilling, how instead of his own skin Jace felt that same body he had loved and worshipped so many times that he would recognize it anywhere. And it was almost narcissistic, the rush of feelings and affection – that he had suppressed, with a few exceptions, ever since Alec had broken them off, but especially under Valentine’s watchful and calculative eye – that rose in him for what was, right then, himself. It was exhilarating, too.

Before he could get too into it, however, Jace heard rapidly approaching voices and footsteps coming from outside the room. Dream or not, it wasn’t polite to be touching oneself in front of other people, unless they happened to be Alec in Jace’s body.

Chuckling softly to himself (what a scenario that would be...), Jace closed his eyes; he had the feeling that was the best course of action, for whatever reason. Something was telling him that he ought to pretend he couldn’t hear what those people were saying.

“Sir, I thought it was best to come inform you,” a first, nervous voice was saying. 

“All good, all good. Stay outside the door and don’t let anyone come in,” an authoritarian, accented voice replied.

“Wait!” Jace knew who that voice belonged to…Izzy? “Let me in! I want to see my brother!”

“Miss Lightwood, what do you think you’re doing here? Who called you?” the accented voice asked her, rather coldly.

“He’s my brother, of course I’ve been called. Mom! Something’s happen to Ale–”

“I know, Isabelle. Mr. Aldertree, I apologize for my daughter’s…exuberance, but, please, let’s just go see what is going on with my son.”

The one called Mr. Aldertree must’ve agreed, because the next thing Jace heard was the door opening and three sets of footsteps walking towards him. Jace tried to slow down his breathing.

“By the Angel!” he heard Izzy exclaim.

Then she was rushing to him. The feel of the new presence next to him, the way her hands were touching him to make sure he had a pulse…were entirely too real for this to be a dream. Everything that was unfolding seemed way too detailed, slow, not foggy, weird or out of time as any dream should be.

Was Jace actually in Alec’s body?  

When that thought occurred to him, Jace started searching his brain for a recollection of what he had been doing that could’ve led him there, but all he came up with was that, one moment he was being ‘taught’ by one of his father’s henchmen, and the next he had found himself in the Institute. So it must’ve been Alec…maybe he was the one who had figured out how to switch places with Jace. Probably by accident. Alec was most likely the one punching the bag now on the ground; he must’ve sent it flying out of anger, which had made him unable to keep in check his powers…

This wasn’t good. If Jace’s hypothesis was right, Alec was now on Valentine’s ship, being tortured…and if he was still raging, he might not care to hide his abilities, and he could start hitting back. This wasn’t good! Jace had tried so hard not to let Valentine have even a hint of what Jace was truly capable of, or the reason why it was so. Valentine wouldn’t care that they had broken the Law, on the contrary; his father would start his own experiments on the limits and scope of parabatai magic. And he would use the knowledge of Jace’s love against both of them, but especially Alec!

Trying to stay calm and unmoving under scrutiny became harder as he realized what Valentine now had under his care, even if Alec happened to not outright lash out. Cause what if his father, with his uncanny perspicacity, figured out anyway that the Jace there wasn’t exactly him?

His parabatai – his…everything – had never been more in danger! 

“Alec, please, wake up,” Izzy whispered to him then. Jace could feel her hovering over him.

“Use an irazte on him,” ordered Mr. Aldertree, who Jace was starting to get more and more fed up with every second. Who the hell was he and why were they deferring to him?

Raising his shirt, Izzy did as she was told. Jace had no doubts that she did that only because it meant helping her brother.  

As the healing effect of the rune started soothing his body, Jace could only think, Please, Alec, don’t do anything rush, please, stay quiet, even though he knew Alec couldn’t hear him.

He needed to act quickly. If he pretended to wake up, he simply had to tell the others it had all just been an accident, and they’d sent him to his – Alec’s – room, where he could try to figure out how to reverse the process.

Just as Jace thought that, however, a ringing sound suddenly sparked into his head, splitting it in half…and he would’ve screamed, if he didn’t find himself kneeling on the ship’s deck, surrounded by Circle members, his father in front of him.

“I would’ve thought you were smarter than this, Jonathan,” Valentine said.  

It was pointless trying to fight back as two men went to grab Jace by the arms, while two others pointed swords at him. They marched him back to his room – more of a cell – and his only defiance could be a stubborn silence as Valentine kept scolding him like the disobedient child that he saw him as.

“What were you thinking, Jonathan? Really, tell me, because I honestly can’t understand you. I’m trying to make you the soldier you’re meant to be, and you repay me with the most brainless escape attempt I’ve ever seen in my life?”

Jace painted a grin on his face. “I was just testing your security, Father. I’d advice you to train your guards a little better.”

“Don’t make light of the situation, Jonathan. Don’t you know that humor is the sign of a weak mind?”

Valentine was pacing the small space, hands behind his back, shaking his head from time to time as he probably thought back to all of his son’s failures. Jace forced himself not to laugh in his father’s face – if only he knew what had really happened – as he sat cross-armed and cross-legged on his cot.

“Since you say everything about me is weak, I don’t see why fighting it at this point,” he quipped.

“Not everything about you is weak, Jonathan.”

Valentine stopped in his tracks, turning towards Jace with that stricken look on his face that always made Jace’s heart clench painfully, because it almost resembled…affection. It’s all a lie, he had to remind himself, he doesn’t care about you.

Jace dreaded to imagine what kind of state he’d be in if he hadn’t known what true affection felt like. The jumble of thoughts and feelings…even now, when he could feel the difference between this and what he had experienced since Valentine had faked his own death, it was hard to reconcile what he knew of his father and what he wanted him to be. A real father, whom he could love without fear of the consequences, because he’d be expected to and he wouldn’t be punished for showing such emotion.

Instead, Jace was left with one lesson, which still hadn’t been proved entirely wrong. To love is to destroy, and to be loved is to be the one destroyed. The way Jace always seemed to end up hurting Alec the most was the prime example of that.

“You have true potential,” Valentine continued, “the ability to turn around your weaknesses for the better. Jonathan, you have to believe that I’m only doing this for your own good.”

It’s all a lie, Jace forcefully thought, or if it isn’t, your ‘love’ will only destroy me.  

“Are we done here, Father?” was all that Jace voiced. “Or do you have another lesson to give me?”

Valentine frowned. “I realize I have to change tactics with you, so we’ll see.” He made to leave the room, a fist almost on the door to call to be let out, but he stopped. “One last thing. I could swear I saw something strange in the way you behaved earlier. You almost didn’t look like yourself. Do you have any idea why I had that impression?”

Valentine’s eyes were piercing like a hawk’s, uncomfortably fixed on him while Jace tried to keep his body in check, unflinching, unmoved. He hoped his father couldn’t hear his tellingly accelerated heartbeat, as he responded, “No. Why would I? I told you I was testing you.”

“Clearly, you still have a lot to learn,” were his father’s parting words as he got out and locked him in.

Jace didn’t know when that door would open again, or if he would eat any time soon…but it didn’t matter. He was full enough of the worry for what his father had noticed and could decide to investigate. No cell in him believed Valentine had been persuaded so easily out of that line of thought.

Jace brought a hand to his side, where his parabatai rune was. The coldness, the numbness he felt there was the most depressive of his feelings. Ever since they’d tied their souls together, Jace had relied on Alec’s reassuring presence to be there with him, in him, at all times. Not being able to feel him, either as a comfort or a way to make sure he was fine, was the cruelest of his punishments aboard Valentine’s ship.  

Alec, are you okay? He asked him anyway. I swear, I won’t let him get to you.

The next day was worse than all the ones before. He was given pain instead of bread, while he walked on eggshells, trying to circle around his father’s suspicions. Valentine seemed truly interested to see anything strange coming from him, like he knew something ought to be there. Yet, he couldn’t know the truth, or Jace wouldn’t hear the end of it. He doesn’t know, he can’t know, don’t let him know, was his mantra, then, every time he caught his father watching him. He pushed his powers down even further than before, and Jace could only hope nothing would come from Alec’s side again.

He did get that Alec must’ve been desperate, not knowing what was going on with him, wishing to have him back, just as Jace did. More than maddening, worse than hell, it was truly a silent death when a soul couldn’t be with its other half. Jace, after all, always felt as if he were about to fade away, every new day making it feel more and more remote a time when he used to be so entangled with Alec that he had forgotten what was like being without him.

Jace would’ve never wanted to be reminded. Even at their worst strives, in their weakest moments – the last one far too recent – their bond had never been…nothingness. It was true that Alec wasn’t his lover, wasn’t his - a fact that in the past had made them even closer to one another – anymore, and hadn’t been for a while, but they had still always been one. Suddenly not being anymore…no, he couldn’t fault Alec for that accidental mess.

And if he let himself think about it, the fact that they had actually switched bodies was rather incredible. Still, it was no true way to be with him, and what was power to an empty soul? Jace couldn’t even deny to himself the fact that thoughts of Alec were what made him get through the days on Valentine’s ship.

He shouldn’t feel that way, Jace thought then, as he was reminded of everything that had transpired on that same ship. If he couldn’t take the separation, he should want something else for Alec. He should be glad that Alec was free of him and his poisonous, demonic presence.

Demon. Jace had demon blood. That was why everything he touched died. If he was really pure, he should want to spare Alec that same fate…but it wasn’t in his nature. He only wanted Alec back, and felt some kind of relief at the knowledge that Alec wanted that just as much, to the point of almost screwing everything up. 

Fighting his nature was also exactly the opposite of what his father was trying to make him do.

That was how Jace found himself kidnapping a werewolf girl, for no other reason than the fact that she was the perfect scapegoat for Valentine’s crusade, and he had been ordered to.  

“Kill her,” was his father’s demand.

But he couldn’t. Not like he had killed that vampire, Maria; breaking the Accords. If he did that, he’d truly be the traitor the Clave thought him to be, and he’d never be able to go back home.

And, truth be told, no matter his demon blood, he didn’t want to do that. While his father had some valid points, thinking that the Clave did his job very poorly in securing the safety of the world, Jace believed - had to believe - that there was good in the Downworlders, just like there was bad in Shadowhunters. Killing them would make them the demons, and the fact that his father had no problems becoming just that, had had no problems making Jace one, showed just how far gone he was. How could he preach getting reed of demonic presence in the world when he had let it thrive in himself and in the people closest to him?

Fortunately - or unfortunately, depending on the point of view - Jace got out of having to make a decision by the opening of a giant portal right in the middle of the ship’s deck. 

That shouldn’t have been possible. Only someone who knew the exact location of the ship could manage to pierce the barrier set by Valentine’s pet warlock, Dot. (Thinking of her as that caused bile to come to Jace’s throat, because it was nothing but the truth.) And judging by the widening of Valentine’s eyes, that portal hadn’t been opened under his orders.

Alec. He had done it. He had figured it out when he had been on board. Jace fought to contain a smile as the ship was flooded by Clave’s soldiers.

It wasn’t exactly the time to smile, though. Jace was still technically a traitor, and he didn’t know what the Clave would do to him. Not wanting to fight them either way, Jace resorted to take advantage of the confusion, and, for once, draw back.

Arrows flying over his head, shouts and the clash of swords echoing all around him…Jace retreated towards the superstructure of the ship to try and get a better look at what was going on. If he admitted it to himself, he hoped to get a glimpse of his parabatai.

Because he knew he was there. He could feel him. The bond had come back to life like a switch had been flipped, and Jace felt wired and ready to reunite with Alec. If things didn’t go south, that is.

One way or another, however, he was getting out of there. His time with Valentine had been terrible, eye-opening, and deserving to be just over. Even though Jace hardly thought he’d be able to return to the Institute as if nothing had happened, and he would likely never fit again among the people he once called family, everything was better than this hell. He’d take Clave judgment as a whole person over Valentine’s teachings as a cripple any day.

Jace, from his hiding place behind a few storage boxes, could see Alec, Izzy, Lydia, as well as other familiar faces from the Institute, fighting side by side with other Shadowhunters he didn’t know. He wondered if the mysterious Mr. Aldertree was there with them, not knowing what he looked like.

Opposite them, the members of the Circle fought back with all they got, but since most of them had just recently been turned, it was clear the odds weren’t in their favor. Valentine must’ve realized it too, because Jace saw him draw back as well. All his subjects covered for him, keeping the enemy off their leader’s back, to let him get to Dot, the only way to escape.  

Magnus was on the deck, too, Jace noticed a moment later; he had probably been the one to open the portal. His presence was most likely why Valentine didn’t bother using his warlock to turn the battle around with her magic; the High Warlock of Brooklyn was clearly on a whole other level than her, judging by the people he sent flying against the deadly barrier with a flick of his wrists, and it would be a waste of time trying to fight him off, warlock for warlock.

Valentine, instead – Jace was still watching attentively - had Dot open a new portal. His army, if inexperienced, was still large enough that, despite their superior forces, the Clave members were only closing in on him very slowly. Too slowly. He was going to get away.

Jace had to act, now.

He was Valentine’s perfect weapon; it was easy for him to get past a battlefield. Moving like a leaf in the wind, his blade a whirlwind as it cut down the enemies it encountered, he reached Valentine in no time.

“My son! I was hoping you’d show up. Let’s go,” Valentine greeted him. He was looking at Jace pointedly, so Jace knew his father wasn’t so thick as to not realize what was really going on.

“Surrender, father. You can’t escape forever.”

“Oh, I don’t plan to. If you’re really so set on getting back to your precious Clave, I’m sure we’ll see each other very soon. Keep in mind, though, when your friends will reject you, that you’ll always have a place right by my side, where you belong.”

Ignoring the jab, Jace shouted over the sounds of the battle, “You really think that I will just let you go like this?!”

He raised his sword, and quickly got rid of the last men standing before his father. Valentine had his own sword at the ready by that point, and he didn’t back down when Jace charged on him.

Jace would’ve liked to, but didn’t have the confidence that he’d be able to defeat his father. He was the one who had taught him how to fight, after all, and the way Valentine always anticipated his every move, so much so that he had the time to constantly throw him advice, was way beyond frustrating.

Jace just needed to distract him long enough to keep him from getting out before the Clave reached them. Still, the fact that Valentine didn’t try to stop him from engaging him was way too suspicious, showing that his father had very few concerns not to make it out. Jace gritted his teeth.

“You’re still too slow to cover your left side, son,” he kept nagging at him, smiling. “Think of what you could do, if you just applied yourself more!”

“Valentine Morgenstern!” a shout finally came. “By order of the Clave, you’re under arrest!”

It was the voice of Mr. Aldertree, and Jace could finally see him in the face. But he didn’t bother focusing on it for too long, because beside him there was Alec. Jace’s heart gave a pang, and their bond quietly locked into place, strengthening, boosting Jace with new confidence. 

Izzy by his side snapping menacingly her whip, Alec had his bow drawn on Valentine, and eyes darker than Jace’d ever seen on him. “Not one move. Slowly drop to your knees with your hands on your head, or I’ll make you,” he literally growled. Jace felt a shiver of pride run down his spine.

But Valentine was quicker. He jumped off the side of the ship towards the portal hanging above the water, before everyone could even take a breath. Alec’s arrow flew right past him…just as Jace felt a force drag him backwards. 

Before jumping, Valentine had grabbed him by the back of his jacket, and he was now pulling Jace along with him.

And Jace was falling, pushed over the edge by the only father he’d ever known. The one thing he could focus on, however, amidst the blur of figures shouting on the deck, was Alec’s horrified look as he watched the scene unfold.

Jace didn’t know if he’d ever be able to see him again.  

I’m sorry…my love.

Jace was about to close his eyes, and brace himself for what would await him at the other end of the portal, when Alec started running at full speed towards him. A yell was stuck in Jace’s throat, as Alec dived and managed to grab him by the foot. Jace felt Valentine’s grip leave him as his fall wasn’t halted, but by that point the momentum was too strong, Alec was leaning too much outside the edge…and their combined weight could only bring them down.

Everything had happened in no more than a few seconds, and even less passed before darkness engulfed Jace. Suddenly blind, his back hit a hard ground with a force that pushed all the air out his lungs. He was still gasping when Alec’s heavy form fell on him right after.

Not wasting any time to recover, but rather ignoring the sharp pain sparking in his body, Jace pushed Alec away from him.

“What did you just do?!” he shouted. For how loud he was, the sound barely filled the space they were in.

And the only other sound was their heavy breaths, before Alec shouted back, “Why the hell didn’t you think of a destination?!”

“I was too busy worrying over you jumping after me, you moron! Now we’re both dead, stuck in limbo forever!”

“Well, I’m sorry!”

After a beat of absolute, unnatural silence, Jace’s hands started feeling the dark space in front of him until they found Alec…and he sprung forward, circling his arms around Alec, their bodies crushing together as if they’d starve out if they didn’t. Sounds were coming out of them, desperate, soothing, incomprehensible noises of regret and relief murmured against skins and souls that had been parted for too long, always too long.

Jace had wanted nothing more, needed nothing else than the only other being that in his entire life had ever come close to bring him true, untainted happiness. Alec, his Alec, his soul, his love, his sin, his salvation. The way they held each other's broken pieces in that moment was everything that Valentine’s looming rhetoric would never understand, could never touch.

He’s wrong, he’s wrong, he’s wrong.

Because none of Valentine’s teaching methods to make Jace stronger could ever compare to one word said to him with the rawest, most unbridled sentiment by the rightest, most genuine person.  

“Parabatai,” Alec whispered hoarsely, reverently, gazing into Jace’s eyes – as they were lighted by the glow of their combined runes – like a blind man seeing for the first time.

Only that could make Jace feel like he’d be able to face everything and everyone who’d ever dare cross his path.

Jace wanted many things in that moment, and cared very little about anything else beside the wish to lose himself into Alec, Alec’s lips, Alec’s heart whose every beat seemed to echo into Jace’s own, Alec’s soul that pulsed next to Jace’s, finally back to its rightful place. It was only his mindfulness of what they had decided together that kept Jace from doing exactly that, and he instead resorted to only press his forehead against Alec’s, breathing in the air coming out of Alec’s lungs. (Jace hadn’t thought there’d be air in limbo, but he was grateful for it).

“Parabatai,” he whispered back, a prayer on his tongue.

Alec closed his eyes as if to better take in the sound of the word, and everything was still and quiet as Jace kept watching him, mapping him to mind.

“I’m sorry,” came Alec’s strained voice in the end. “I didn’t want to be separated from you again, so I just–”

“I know. It’s okay.”

“And I’m sorry for my stint of yesterday…I hadn’t meant for that to happen, and I shouldn’t have just run off like that when I was on the ship. Did–” Alec swallowed. “What did Valentine do to you?”

Jace’s thumb caressed Alec’s cheek. “Don’t worry about it, it wasn’t your fault. It was kinda cool, actually, finding myself in your body.” He smirked. 

Alec rolled his eyes before lowering them. One of his hands was playing with Jace's fingers, as if he needed the reminder that he was really there. “So, what do we do now? We’re stuck.”

“You know we’re not. We can create a portal.”

“Do you think it’ll work here?”

“Only one way to find out. And I’d rather not die in utter darkness.”

That non-place didn’t seem feasible for a long stay.

“Me neither,” Alec said. “But to do it, we need to…”

“I know.”

Alec looked at him, and Jace felt suddenly shy. On one hand, even though he knew this would set them back way too many steps, he couldn’t help but feel the thrill of anticipation; on the other, the fact that Alec would probably not want it, now that he had a new boyfriend and all – their runes glowing was just an aftereffect of their closeness at this point, nothing more, right? – made it all just desperate on his side. A one last taste of what he couldn’t have.

Alec was still the one to look at Jace’s lips first, his own slightly parted…before he cleared his throat to speak, “First, we need to figure out a plan. We should say the portal brought us somewhere in New York, far enough from the Institute that it would justify us arriving late. Who knows how much time is passing over there right now…what do you think?”

“Long Island?” Jace suggested. “It’s as good a place as any, and one you could easily come up with.”

“Okay.” Alec paused, before adding hesitantly, “Jace, you know that when we get to the Institute they’ll arrest you, right?”

Jace nodded morosely.

“But they can’t not give you a fair trial, it’s just not protocol…plus, I pretended that you sent me a message telling me about the ship’s location, and since it turned out not to be a trap, they might be more inclined in your favor. So, I’m sure you’ll be fine in no time.”

“Alec, I–” Jace shook his head. “I’m not so sure about it.”

“What do you mean? You’re not on Valentine’s side, they can’t not realize it.”

“Yes, but I mean…listen, I know Valentine is crazy and what he’s doing is truly terrible, but–” That wasn’t something he would ever want to admit to law-abiding Alec, but the risk was too high. Jace sighed. “He does have some points. The Clave is old, prejudiced, and it’s not doing the job it should be doing. I can’t – I don’t trust the Clave, and to them it’ll sound as if I side with Valentine no matter how I explain it. They’ll prosecute me. And I can’t lie if they use the Soul Sword on me.”

Alec bit his lower lip. “Then you’ll have to stress how wrong you think Valentine is, and that you’d never do what he’s doing! Please, Jace, you’re not a criminal, you’re not a bad person. The Clave will see it too.”

“Alec, I don’t think they’ll care if I’m a ‘good person’. Not trusting the Clave is capital crime. And just think of everything that could go wrong! If I touch the Sword, do you realize what else could come out?”

Have you ever broken the Law? they could ask. Yes, he’d have to answer. What crime?

Eros.

The word seemed to hang in the darkness all around them, spelled by the glow of their runes.

“Then you must take it,” Alec broke the heavy silence.

Jace had come to that conclusion, too.

Years earlier, Catarina had come up with a failsafe for them. A little black pill containing a spell; if they happened to be under suspicion without there being proof, they only needed to ingest it and it’d suck in all their memories of their affair, all the knowledge that they’d ever committed that crime. The memories not being in the brain anymore, but in a capsule stuck in their stomach, they could pass the trial without revealing anything…since it wouldn’t register as a lie to the Soul Sword. Then, to reverse the process, only a kiss would be needed; it’d trigger their powers like it often did, and the pill would be activated again to give back the memories.

They had tried it only once, in turn, to make sure it worked, and it had been surreal…two whole minutes in which Jace had looked at Alec, and then Alec had looked at Jace, and they hadn’t remembered having ever kissed each other. And when Alec had approached him and kissed him out of the blue, Jace had felt shocked, if thrilled, before his memories had come back...and he had returned the kiss with doubled fervor in the hopes that he’d never have to forget it again.

The time had come, instead. It wasn’t the worst-case scenario, one when they both had to take the pill; if that ever happened, only if the them-without-memories acted on their feelings and kissed each other again, they would ever remember. Knowing that for them to kiss the first time had taken the most favorable – or unfavorable – circumstances, they were both aware that the chances of that happening would be impossibly slim. They were both too stubborn and emotionally stunted that even when they were together they had had trouble expressing their feelings…it’d take a miracle for them to get together again.

Compared to that, this was nothing. Alec would keep his memories and he’d know to kiss Jace, once – if – he managed to pass his trial. Right?

A sudden thought occurred to Jace. “I’ll do it, but…Alec, I’m telling you now, you need to promise me that you won’t let me live forever without memories of our times together.” Judging by the guilty look on Alec’s face, Jace had been right to doubt his intentions. “I swear, if you don’t do that, you’d be betraying me, you get that?! Every time you’d look at me, obliviously being your parabatai, you’d be doing exactly what I didn’t want, and if I could remember, I’d hate you for it! Please, promise me. You must give me my memories back, I don’t care what bullshit noble reasons you might be thinking of right now. I won’t touch you ever again, I won’t ask you to get back together…just, let me remember the best moments of my life.”

“It was just a thought, Jace. You really think I’d be able to live alongside a you who does not remember us? I’m entirely too selfish for that,” Alec chuckled. “I never want you not to love me.”

“I’d still love you even without my memories, and you know that,” Jace put in stubbornly.

Alec smiled. He took both of Jace’s hands in between his own. “I swear on our parabatai bond, I’ll give you your memories back.”

Jace just had to hug Alec then, savoring the precious moment of being in Alec’s arms, until he was still whole. “Thank you,” he whispered against the crook of Alec’s neck, before allowing himself to place a kiss there. He had kinda earned it, after all, right? He felt Alec shiver and tighten his hold on him.

It was time, but Jace didn’t want to let go just yet. Ironically, the non-place that was the limbo was giving them a moment of absolute privacy that they couldn’t have anywhere else, and who knows how long it’d be before they could be side by side again. No matter their precaution, Jace didn’t know if he’d manage to convince the Clave of his innocence.

They both needed to believe that he’d make it, though, so he chose to not bring that up. 

“I don’t know how to thank you for coming to rescue me,” Jace said instead, his voice cracking in some places, “and for, for not giving up on me.”

Jace didn’t want to think of all the reasons why Alec should’ve given up on him in that moment, because Alec’s eyes were shining so bright in their bubble of light amidst the darkness, before he said on an exhale, “Never.”

And they were kissing, a sigh of joy starting right from somewhere inside of Jace.

Every time their lips met, no matter how much time had passed in between, felt like they were starting a conversation never ended. And right then, they were truly the only two people in existence. Closing his eyes, Jace could feel nothing but Alec, and his lips already ached from the knowledge that this would likely – almost, quite – never happen again. Fate was especially cruel on them; after all the times they’d tried to move on, they were still brought back together once again for a new separation only worse than the one before.

Thus, Jace put everything of himself into that kiss, trying to convey everything he’d have to forget, and he reveled in the fact that Alec seemed just as desperate as him, as he held him in his arms and opened his mouth to deepen the kiss. The glow of their joined hands had grown ten-folds before they finally broke apart with a gasp and trembling lips. Not wasting any more time, they raised their hands and projected the strengthened energy to the side, where a portal immediately appeared.

Jace was about to step into it, but Alec surprised him by crushing their lips together one last time. They were both breathing hard afterward, so Jace was glad when Alec took his hand and entered the portal side by side with him.

Landing back on Earth felt disorienting for a whole few minutes; everything was so damn loud and bright. Their hands broke their hold and they took a few steps apart to let their runes turn back to black. They were a few blocks away from the Institute, and soon they started walking in silence. No reason to add to the noise, especially when everything they could talk about was too complex for a walk in the street. Jace could feel Alec itching to know everything that had happened to him on Valentine’s ship, while Jace was himself curious to know what the hell was going on with the Institute’s chain of command. Instead, they simply enjoyed each other’s presence and the steady hum of their bond that flowed, unclouded, between them. Jace hoped that being able to feel it again would be enough to let him get through what awaited him.

When the Institute was in sight, Jace summoned the pill from the place inside of his room where he always kept it. (He’d dread to know what the Clave would do to both of them if it got out that they could pierce the Institute’s magical shields).

After one last lingering look at Alec, he had no other choice but to swallow it.

Watching Jace swallow the pill, this time not a test run, caused such a jumble of emotions to spring in Alec that he felt like he could be sick any minute. But especially when, as soon as it was down, Jace started blinking hard and looking around with a startled look on his face, before settling on Alec.

“Alec! Why the hell did you jump after me?! We could’ve ended up in limbo if we weren’t quick enough to think of a destination!”

If it weren’t such a terrible situation, the incredible power of that spell would be worth to marvel at. Jace’s entire brain had reshaped itself around the missing parts…

No, it was too terrible to think about to be awed by it. Alec swallowed down his bile. “I’m sorry. I just – I didn’t want to be separated from you again.” He could never lie about that.

Jace looked at him softly, which wasn’t that different from those times, so Alec managed to calm down enough at the reminder that Jace’s feelings were still the same, to not freak out when Jace crushed him into a hug. Instead, he returned it with just as much need.

“How – how did you find the ship? It was shielded so well,” Jace said after breaking apart.

The situation still strangled Alec’s heart as if a snake was coiling tightly around it. “I – Magnus managed to track it. He said he knows how the magic of the warlock Valentine used works.”

Jace nodded at Alec’s words. “Dot. Makes sense.”

They both fell into silence as they looked at the Institute behind them.

Alec would’ve preferred finding a better explanation, to not be reminded of Magnus. But, after all, he told himself, the situation had been dire, and kissing Jace had been the only way to power parabatai magic enough to create a portal or, later, to let him have his memories back…it didn’t count as cheating, right? Plus, him and Magnus hadn’t technically defined their relationship yet. It was nothing, and Magnus didn’t need to know.

And all that mattered right then was making sure Jace was safe.

Alec impulsively grabbed Jace by the arm. “Listen, Jace. As soon as we get inside they’ll arrest you, and I just want to tell you that I know you’ll get out. I know you, I know your heart, and your soul, and they will have to see the goodness in you. Just hold on, okay? And remember that I believe in you.”

Jace listened to him with wide eyes, and Alec hated to think that he probably didn’t know just how much he loved him. The Alec in Jace’s warped mind had probably never declared or been too out-front about his feelings, and the real Alec knew how much his Jace had had problems feeling loved, so imagine this one!

But before either of them could add anything else, the guards doing the rounds outside the Institute noticed them.

Letting them take Jace away felt like tearing his own arms out one by one. It felt like a betrayal. Was he wrong to trust in the Clave’s fairness? Should he have tried to find another solution? Should they have gone away, instead of coming back? He more than anyone should know by now how cold the arms of the Law could be…but they had both decided a long time ago that they’d do everything to keep their lives and family together before resorting to the worst. This was what Jace had wanted, right?

The question hung at the back of his mind all night. Only the steady presence of their bond, which told him Jace was sad but he wasn’t hurt, let him sleep enough to be functional the next day, and to keep his cool until he knew what was to be Jace’s fate. Jace, after all, might not believe that he could make it out, but Alec had the utmost faith in him, he would also never lie about that. That didn’t prevent him from designing an escape plan, yes…if worst came to worst, he’d ravage the City of Bones and leave the Shadow world with Jace without looking back…but first he’d believe everything would be fine.

“Aldertree is miffed with you for jumping after Jace,” Isabelle gave him a heads-up the next morning. “But he can’t really do anything about it since being parabatai does still mean something to the Clave.” 

“Good.” Alec nodded to his sister. “What happened on the ship after that?”

“Valentine might’ve escaped, but his army has considerably dwindled down, either dead or captured. And even if he has more people elsewhere, it might be a good guess that he’ll regroup first. Leaves us more time to find him.”

Alec returned Izzy’s grin. “Well then, I think I’ll go–”

“See Jace? I don’t think it’s a good idea to attract more attention on you two and your bond.”

Alec would’ve sighed and agreed with Izzy, if her uncharacteristically bitter tone hadn’t struck him as unusual. He turned around to take a better look at her. She tried a casual smile at him, but he could feel something was wrong.

“Is…everything okay, Iz?”

She pursed her lips. “Why wouldn’t there be?”

“Come on, I can tell when you’re holding something in. Spill.”

She averted her eyes for a moment, before looking back at him with unmasked irritation. “Why should I? It’s not like you ever tell me anything.”

Alec paused, the force in that statement taking him aback. “Is…is this about me and–”

“No shit, Alec. It’s not like we have any other life-threatening things going on in our family.”

“Life...wait,” Alec grabbed Izzy by the arm and quickly led her to a more deserted corridor. “Life-threatening?!”

Izzy huffed. “Don’t tell me you don’t know that you’re breaking the damn…”

“Shhh, lower your voice!”

“…Law.”

 “And since when do you care about the Law, if I may know?”

“Since I was almost convicted!”

They glared at each other. Alec gritted his teeth before opening his mouth, “We’re not…breaking the Law anymore. Or we’re trying not to.”

Izzy shrugged. “Cool, but again it’s not like I know what goes on between you two. First you are at each other’s throat and you kiss someone else, then you completely freak out without him and jump after him to who knows where…you must admit it’s hard to keep up.”

 “Iz.” Ignoring his sudden shame, Alec waited for her to meet his eyes. “You know why we can’t tell you anything. What is this really about?”

She lowered her eyes again, crossing her arms, and Alec realized that her tacit support throughout the years might’ve cost her more struggle than he had ever thought. Not talking to her about their forbidden relationship had always seemed like the wisest way to go...but he had never held into consideration what she might think of it.

“I just – I’m scared,” Izzy admitted then, and Alec’s heart sank. “For both of you. All these years I always waited for the moment you were found out, when they’d take you away from me. I – I didn’t want to be that person and tell you what to do, but…” She shrugged again. “It’s not that I don’t love Jace, but I don’t want to lose you just for…” She bit her lip. “You’re my family and I–”

“You won’t,” Alec interrupted her, pulling her into a hug. “You won’t lose me, I promise. We know it’s too risky, for all of us. It’s – we’re done, we won’t be that reckless again.”

Izzy finally returned the hug, wrapping her arms tightly around him, and she nodded against his chest, sniffling a bit.  

Now more than ever, Alec knew him and Jace had made the right decision. That didn’t mean that his heart – his soul – wouldn’t bleed for as long as he lived…but that was the only way.

“Jace will be out of there soon enough, right?” Izzy asked him after breaking apart, careful not to smudge her make-up as she rubbed at her eyes.

“Yes, he will,” he told her firmly. There was no other possible outcome…none at all.

The next hours went by painfully slowly, punctuated only by an encounter with Magnus, who had come by to make sure he was alright, during which Alec realized sooner was a better time than never to quick-start their relationship. As soon as he went on that damn first date with Magnus, he could say he was actively moving on.

As it turned out, however, the agonizing, depressing slowness of the wait would’ve been preferable to what came next. Anything would’ve been preferable to being possessed by a demon that made him the killer of Clary’s – Jace’s – mother, and that almost got him killed by the hands of his own little sister.

At the end of the day, Jace coming back from the City of Bones couldn’t even bring the joy that it’d deserve…and that fact was only more depressing. As he carried Izzy to the infirmary, Alec could barely wrap his mind around the fact that, knowing what he had done, he’d have to talkto Jace eventually…how could he kiss him?

Should he kiss him? After hearing of Izzy’s fear, maybe letting their relationship be forgotten, forever, would be an even better course of action. He could take the pill, too, and it’d truly be over.

Every time you’d look at me, obliviously being your parabatai, you’d be doing exactly what I didn’t want, and if I could remember, I’d hate you for it!

Jace’s words stung, but Jace had told him it’d be a betrayal only if he was the only one without memories…both of them wouldn’t count, right?

Alec chuckled bitterly to himself, as he started wandering the corridors aimlessly…because he knew he was bullshitting himself. It’d be the worstkind of betrayal he could ever do, and not only to Jace. He knew that he’d never be able to let it all be forgotten, because just the thought was making him choked up. He could never erase from existence, not even for Izzy, what had filled his life the most, the best. Just as he had told Jace, he was entirely too selfish for that, and he felt dirty having even thought of it.

His feet had brought him in front of Jace’s room. Alec’s hands still reeked of blood, either way. He’d go in there, surprise-kiss Jace before he could overthink it, let him have a moment to remember it all, and he’d get out of there. After all, Jace would hardly want to see a…killer like him, for more than was necessary. 

Seeing Jace stare outside of his window, still in his bloody and dirty clothes, hit Alec more than he would’ve thought, and he knew he couldn’t just leave him. Jace only gave him a glance when he heard him enter, before averting his eyes again.

“Is Izzy okay?” Jace asked him in a monotone.

“She will be,” Alec replied, suddenly nervous.

“How are you?”

That question took him completely by surprise. “How am I?” he burst out, almost scandalized. “How are you, you mean?”

“I’m fine. I got out, right?” Still monotone.

Alec was about to protest…but first he had to fix something. Setting any embarrassment aside, he strode over to Jace, who looked up at him with a start once he saw how close he was. Alec didn’t let him question it. “Just…don’t freak out, okay?”

Jace was still puzzled, but at least he trusted him enough not to flinch back when Alec grabbed his face and kissed him right on the mouth. He could feel Jace’s shock in the curve of his lips, but Alec could’ve sworn he had started easing into it – and he didn’t know why that surprised him, since he knew the spell didn’t erase feelings – before Jace suddenly froze and let out a groan of pain. Alec held him to his chest as he trembled through the process, his entire brain being refilled with too much all at once…then he finally relaxed. When he looked up at him, Alec realized just how much it had been different before. Jace had still been the same person, but the other Jace had been so painfully closed-up in comparison. No more than a day, and Alec had already missed this Jace – who looked at him as if he had just hung the moon for him - more than he could ever say. 

That was why he let Jace kiss him one last – last, last, last – time, a self-indulgence that’d cost a lingering presence on his lips even harder to let go of, before Alec forced himself to break apart. Not too far away, because Jace was still wincing.

He was still holding him when Jace finally spoke, rather breathlessly. “Thank you. ‘Don’t freak out’, really?”

They both chuckled lightly. But the mood wasn’t of the best, so they stopped soon enough, until only silence was left. It was Jace the one to take a step back first, averting his eyes.

Alec cleared his throat. “Just, could you tell me what happened at the City of Bones, please? Then I swear I’ll go.” 

“Why – why are you going? You don’t have to.”

Alec frowned. “I thought, you might not want...to be near me right now.” 

“Why wouldn’t I? I waited all day to come back here…to you…and I should be allowed to be near my parabatai, right?”

Jace seemed genuinely baffled by Alec’s reticence, and Alec didn’t understand why, since he thought he had been told what had happened. “Jace, I – I was the one to kill…”

“Wait, are you really talking about that? Alec, that wasn’t your fault, that was the demon.” 

Of course, Jace would be one not to blame Alec for his actions under possession. Suddenly, that wasn’t something Alec could stand. “Still, it’s Clary’s mother…your mother! How can you look at me and not see…” Alec stared down at his own hands, where he could only see red, even though he had cleaned all of it up. “Please, just tell me if you’re alright or if something happened at the City of Bones, and I’ll go.”

But his plea was followed only by silence, and Alec took that as his leave. “I’ll just go, then.”

He was half-way to the door before a shout stopped him. “Alec, wait! I just – I know that so much has happened and we should talk about it, but everything’s such a damn mess, and I swear my head is going to explode if I…and I just want…please, don’t leave me right now.”

After staring at his feet for a long moment, Alec backtracked all the way to pull Jace into a hug. His body sighing into it, the bond seemed to thank him. “Of course. I’m here, whatever you need,” he whispered into Jace’s ear.

 They ended up just getting into bed, after Jace took a shower and Alec retrieved some night clothes from the closet. Some were his anyway.

The softness of the mattress felt heavenly after everything they’d been through. They laid facing each other, carefully apart, but it didn’t matter that much given that they were still together. Alec would take this over anything else.

Understandably, they both had trouble sleeping. Alec didn’t fall asleep at all, while Jace woke up after a while completely restless. Seeing Alec by his side seemed to calm him a little, but it also made him nervous…until he just exploded.

“I’m sorry, Alec,” he said brokenly, before unsuccessfully trying to rein in the tears.  

Alec caught him in his arms. “Hey, hey, it’s okay. Why are you sorry?”

“Valentine, he – he experimented on me, when I was a baby. I have demon blood, Alec.”

Alec’s gut twisted painfully as he searched Jace’s face for an explanation, and what he found there made him only hold Jace harder. “Jace, it’s o–”

“If I had known,” Jace interrupted him, “I would’ve never made you enter a parabatai bond with me. Who knows how much it’s been corrupted by me and…what if our powers are because of–”

“Hey, no, stop, Jace,” Alec held Jace’s face in between his hands. “Baby, stop.” He had not called Jace like that in so long, but the word still rolled on his tongue as if it belonged there. “We have been in this bond for a long ass time, I think I would’ve noticed if it did anything wrong to it. And even if, honestly, Jace, I don’t care. I mean, it’s horrible the things Valentine would do, and did, to his own family…but you’re still you, and I know you. You’re the best person I know, actually.”

He wiped the tears from Jace’s face, before kissing his forehead. Jace looked at him. “Like you’re the best person I know, demon possession or not?”

Alec huffed. He hated when Jace turned his own logic against him…but he still had to give in, chuckling, almost feeling like tearing up himself, when Jace hugged him back, kissing his cheek. 

“Maybe two demons could make an angel?” Jace whispered with a broken kind of hope, but that sounded so ridiculous that Alec started laughing instead, quickly followed by Jace himself.

Then Alec just had to press another kiss on Jace’s face, his nose this time, before they both buried their faces against each other’s necks to try and calm down their unrelenting hysteric fit of laughter-crying.

At least, they weren’t kissing each other on the mouth, and that was an improvement, right? They weren’t doing anything wrong, and Alec thought he could live like this. He didn’t need to kiss Jace to love him, after all, and all that mattered was having him back.