#screaming crying jumping off a fucking cliff

[neo-shitty]

[hearts1ckness]

“you got all of me in the palm of your hand”

[happybyjin]

🥺

[averyspoopedcorgi]

he hes gonna be animated isnt he

[bluebladekatana]

OMFG I’M SOBBING

Part 11!

I'm not gonna lie, this part was originally shorter. But then I caught inspiration and drew the last three pages literally just now

Part 1

[itneverendshere]

LOVED YOU AT YOUR WORST - r.c series - THREE

pairings: ex!sweethearts; rafe x thornton!reader; rafe x Sofia. chapter warnings: mentions of pregnancy, of abortion, health risks & death. chapter one ┆chapter two ┆ chapter four

Two lines.

Two bold, definitive lines.

You blinked. Once, twice, but it didn’t change. It wasn’t going away. 

Two lines, clear as fucking day, staring back at you like they were taunting you.

The universe was laughing right in your face. You felt everything plummet to the very bottom of the earth—the room, the floor, your stomach—it all just plummeted, like you’d been pushed off a cliff with no warning.

The test fell from your grip, clattering onto the marble countertop, but you didn’t care. You backed away from it like it was something radioactive, something dangerous that could destroy you if you got too close. But it already had, hadn’t it?

You were pregnant.How could this happen? How the fuck could this happen?

You knew how, obviously. You weren’t that dumb. All you could see in your head was Rafe’s stupid fucking face. His name alone made you want to punch something, preferably his balls. 

You were pregnant? With his kid? You were so careful with your life, with your image. 

You could feel the resentment rise in your throat again, the taste of acid making you want to scream. He didn’t get to do this to you. He couldn’t ruin your life twice, fuck you up this bad and then just leave. You wanted to hate him. You did hate him. You hated it. And worse, you hated yourself.

There you were, stuck with this. Alone with a baby you didn’t even want to think about. The thought of it growing inside you—of carrying some piece of him, some reminder of everything he put you through these past two months—it was loathsome. He wasn’t part of this, not anymore. And you weren’t that girl—you didn’t want to be. You weren’t the one who begged for him to care, who waited around for him to come to his senses, who made excuses.

You weren't going to cry. You couldn’t. Not because you didn’t want to, but because you physically couldn’t. Not with your makeup done so carefully. Your eyes were lined so meticulously, your foundation blended like a dream, your lips painted in that bold red everyone said you pulled off effortlessly. You couldn’t afford to let your mascara run. He wasn’t worth it.

You weren’t going to ruin all that hard work over him again. No way.

You pressed a tissue to your eyes—not to cry, but to catch the stray moisture that threatened to ruin your eyeliner—and took a deep breath. You smoothed your dress, and made sure everything was in place. 

You didn’t have time to figure it out, or wallow, or throw shit around. You straightened your back, lifted your chin, and forced yourself to feel nothing. 

Not the panic, not the nausea, not the rage. Nothing. 

You could push it all down, shove it into that deep hellish place in your guts where you put everything else. Later, maybe you’d have to let it out.  

Just as you were spiraling deeper into the pit, there was a knock on the door. Loud. It made you jump, pulling you out of your head for just a second.

“Hey!” It was Lily, her voice bright, oblivious. “It’s time. We need you out there. You’ve got like three minutes.”

Right. You wanted to laugh at how ridiculous this was.

You stepped out of the room, every movement rehearsed, the smile expertly placed on your lips. You were a master at this—faking it, pretending like nothing in the world could touch you.  Not after seeing those two fucking lines.

Your heels clicked on the floor as you walked through the hallway, down the steps, and into the ballroom. It was filled with kooks being kooks. Fake smiles, fake compliments, fake friendships. You weren’t even listening to a word anyone said to you.

“Hi, darling, you look stunning as always,” someone said, leaning in to kiss you on the cheek. You smiled, said thank you, maybe even added a you too, but you couldn’t hear yourself. Your body knew exactly what to do at these things. 

Pretend like you gave a shit.

“Your dad would be so proud,” another woman gushed, and you wanted to throw up. You laughed. 

If he knew what was happening. Pregnant? By a man who didn’t put a ring on your finger?

And there they were, of course—Topper, Kelce and Ruthie, standing in the middle of it all, grinning like idiots. Well, Topper grinning like an idiot.

Ruthie? That girl was giving everyone her signature snake sneer. Of course she was. The bitch had this superpower of sensing everyone's business before they even knew it themselves.

A waiter passed by with a tray of champagne flutes, and you reached out instinctively, but the waiter, somehow, just missed you. The tray floated right past, and before you could even realize the fact that you didn’t have a drink in your hand, her eyes were on you.

“Oh, you're not drinking?” she asked, voice dripping with fake concern. Her eyes flickered, like she knew something, and you swear to god, your eyelid twitched.

“Not yet,” you replied with the same faux smile.

Ruthie just kept watching you with those too-knowing eyes, like she was looking for a crack, some little tell. Because she always did.

You had to be so careful around her.

One wrong move, one second, and she’d be all over it, spreading it around the entire town before you even had a chance to breathe.

Your cousin, completely oblivious, was babbling with Kelce about something—probably golf, or the new boat his dad bought, or some other thing you couldn’t care less about. You nodded along, pretending to listen, but you were mentally still in the bathroom, staring at those two lines.

“So, you invited Rafe?” Kelce said it like it was nothing, like bringing up your ex-boyfriend was the most casual thing in the world.

“What the actual fuck did you just say?” You all but growled out, enough to make him choke on his champagne.

He looked genuinely confused, as if he didn’t just mention the one person you’d rather hurl off a bridge at the moment. “Yeah, Rafe. He’s on the list, right?”

Your whole body went rigid. You blinked, trying to keep your face from giving anything away, but inside? You were dying. Ruthie’s eyebrows shot up—oh great, now you had her attention too.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

Kelce, of course, had the nerve to chuckle. 

If Rafe had spoken to them about being taken off the guest list, you’d lose it. The insolence of him mentioning your name—like he still had any right to talk about you? He should’ve buried the memory of you right along with whatever feelings he claimed to have had.

But then, if he hadn’t said a word about it to his best friends—that meant something worse. That meant he didn’t care. He was over it. Over you. 

He hadn’t even bothered to tell them that he wasn’t coming to the gala because he wasn’t thinking about it. Or about you. 

You hated either possibility. 

Kelce like the asshole he was, "I thought you two were—"

"Don't." You cut him off so fast, so hard, he had to take a step back. 

You wanted to grab Top by his clueless shoulders and demand answers. Did Rafe care? Was he coming tonight? You didn’t like any option—every scenario made you want to get on a plane to the other side of the world.  If he was planning to show up despite being cut from the list…Shit, what would you even do? You could feel the headache starting already. 

That would be so him, though.

The arrogance. The entitlement, ignoring boundaries because he never thought the rules applied to him.

Ruthie, of course, was still watching you like a hawk. Her eyes darted between you and Topper, and you could practically feel her mind working, trying to piece together whatever she thought she was seeing. She loved this. She lived for other people’s drama, and you knew she’d sniff out anything that didn’t look flawless.

You did out without even thinking, grabbing Topper’s ear between two manicured fingers like you were his mom dragging him out of Sunday school, pulling him away.

"Ow, Jesus—what the hell?!" he yelped, stumbling to keep up with you in his shiny loafers as you all but hauled him into the nearest corner of the ballroom, out of sight, but still within earshot of the crowd. 

You didn’t care. Let someone see. Let them all see.

You turned to him, barely letting go of his ear, your nails tapping impatiently against your crossed arms. He looked at you like you’d lost your mind, and maybe you had.

“Spill it.”

He was still rubbing his ear. “What are you talking about?”

“Rafe,” you snapped, eyes narrowing. “Is he coming tonight? And don’t you dare lie to me, Top.”

He gulped. Actually gulped. You swore you could see the gears turning in that pretty, empty head of his, trying to figure out if he could weasel his way out of this.

“I— I don’t know, okay?” Topper stammered, running a hand through his hair. “I haven’t talked to him today, but I figured… I mean, he always comes to these things, so I assumed—"

That meant Rafe didn’t tell him. That your little stunt hadn’t phased him in the slightest. 

“You assumed?” You leaned in closer, eyes burning holes into his skull. “After everything, you thought it was a good idea to just assume he’d show up and not even bother telling me?”

“I can’t put him on a leash!” His voice rose defensively, eyes wide like he was the one under attack. And yeah, maybe he was. Maybe you’d gone full psycho mode. Rafe always turned you into this—this furious, spiraling, out-of-control version of yourself.

Your cousin was just collateral damage.

“Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe someone should.”  You said it slowly like you were explaining something to a child. “Do you even know what it’s like?” you hissed, leaning in closer, your voice dropping , “To sit here, wondering if he’s gonna show up like some ticking time bomb?”

Topper’s mouth opened, but nothing came out.

He didn’t know shit about what you were going through. How could he? He wasn’t the one with a whole life-changing secret burning a hole in his brain, wondering if the father of the child growing inside him was going to ruin everything—again.

“I—I didn’t think it was that serious,” Topper stammered, hands flying up in surrender. “I mean, he’s always been a dick, but—”

You remember the first thing he texted you after weeks of radio silence.

“No,” you interrupted, “He’s more than just a dick. He’s—” You stopped yourself before you said too much. God, you were on the edge, and you needed to rein it in. 

Topper, still looking like a kicked puppy, shifted on his feet. 

“Look, I’ll text him. I’ll ask if he’s coming or not, okay?” He pulled out his phone, typing something quickly. You watched him, arms crossed, tapping your foot against the marble floor like your life depended on it.  If you saw his face—his stupid, beautiful, infuriating face—you didn’t know what you’d do. 

Punch him? Scream? Run? The thought of him being here, so close, when you hadn’t even processed what was happening to you…

“Okay, he says—” He paused, squinting at his screen, “he’s not coming.”

The relief. You let out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding, shoulders sagging for just a second before you caught yourself. He’s not coming.

But why did it hurt? Perhaps a small part of you wanted him to show up—just to see you, just to care. The other part, however, didn’t. You didn’t want him anywhere near you, or this... this thing inside you.

“See?” Topper said, holding up his phone like it was some peace offering. “He’s not coming. Crisis averted.” He gave you this awkward, nervous smile, like he thought you might hit him again.

You forced a laugh, even though nothing about this was funny.

“Great. Awesome. Perfect,” you said through gritted teeth simultaneously smoothing your dress, and pushing your hair back over your shoulder, “Thanks, Top. Really. You’re a real lifesaver.”

He looked at you like he wasn’t sure if you were being sarcastic or not, but you didn’t care. The moment was over. You’d survived. 

You rolled your eyes as you turned away heading back toward your original group. Of course, Ruthie was still standing there her arms crossed, that smug little smirk on her face. She’d been watching the whole thing, no doubt about it. 

You could feel her nosy ass dissecting every single move you made. 

“He’s not here yet,” she hummed, her eyes narrowing just enough to piss you off. “Weird, right? Maybe he’s busy with Sofia.”

Of course, she brought up that fucking name. 

She was sniffing out blood in the water, as if she wasn’t just another Sarah Cameron knock-off. You could already picture it—the headlines, the whispers spreading through the audience, everyone talking about you. The legacy who ruined her own gala.

Kelce snorted, not even bothering to hide his amusement, because of course he thought this was all a joke. He never got it. None of them did.

You wished, for just a second, that you weren’t born into this pristine, high-society life. You felt so smothered by these expectations. If you were anyone else, if you weren’t some debutante raised on champagne and etiquette, you’d have punched her right there. You’d have knocked her straight to the floor and wiped that pretentious smile off her face with blood in front of every stuck-up rich asshole in the room. 

“I didn’t realize we were talking about her,” you said, voice like sugar, even though you knew Ruthie could sense the underlying warning in it,“But thanks, Ruthie, for always keeping me updated on things that don’t concern you.”

Her eyes narrowed, but she didn’t back down yet.

“Just making conversation. I mean, it is weird that he hasn’t shown up yet, right? Considering how close you two used to be. I’m sure it’s nothing, though.”

Kelce, that asshole, leaned in, "Come on, don't act like you’re over it." His eyes glanced down to your hand. "You’re shaking."

You were. You hadn’t even noticed.

But instead of acknowledging it, you shot him a look that could've killed. "Fuck off, Kelce."

They were trying to get you to admit you didn’t invite him. Well, they’d have to try harder. You’d been swimming around sharks since you were born, no one was going to fuck you over so easily.

“Uh-huh,” Ruthie said, not buying a word of it. Her eyes flicked between you and Topper, and you knew what she was doing. She was fishing. “You sure about that? You were giving him a look.”

You glanced at your cousin, who was still rubbing his ear like a toddler. “Just sorting out some... logistics for the gala,” you said, voice saccharine, but it felt like chewing on glass. “It’s nothing. Really.”

She arched a brow, her lips curling up in a knowing grin. She knew something was off. She always did. “Right,” she said slowly, drawing the word out like she was savoring it. “Because for a second there, it looked like you were about to explode.”

She was monitoring you so closely, you could feel it crawling up your skin.

“You know,” she sighed, like she cared. “If something’s going on you can tell me. I won’t say a word.”

That was rich. Ruthie, keeping a secret? You’d sooner trust a thief with your jewelry.  “I’m sure you wouldn’t,” you said, not keeping the sarcasm out of your voice. “But trust me, there’s nothing to tell.”

Ruthie’s pursed her lips, annoyed that she hadn’t managed to dig anything up, “Are you—”

You were two seconds away from shoving her into the nearest fountain. But instead, you took a deep breath, “You should worry less about me,” you advised her, “and more about that atrocious dress you’re wearing.”

The smile fell off her face so fast, it was glorious.

You didn’t wait for her to recover. You turned on your heel, and grabbed Topper by the arm.

As soon as you were far enough away, he let out a breath he’d been holding. “Jesus, I thought you were gonna deck her.”

You grinned, but there was no warmth in it. “I still might.”

He sighed, “She’s still my girlfriend.”

“Yeah, downgrading seems like a thing for you boys.”

Like a guardian angel sent from above, Lily appeared, stepping between you two with a concerned expression.

“Hey, hey,” she interrupted, glancing between you, “What was that about?”

You could see the caution in her eyes. She wasn’t stupid—Lily knew things between you and Rafe had been rocky, and she’d probably been sensing the tension the entire night. But right now, she was doing her best to defuse the earlier situation before it got any worse.

“Nothin’, just Ruthie being herself,” You dismissed, as you grabbed onto her forearm, “Let’s go.”

Lily blinked, startled by your urgency, but she didn’t argue. “Yeah, we should head backstage, the speech is coming up.”

“Bye Top. Stay the fuck away from the chocolate fountain.”

You could hear him whine in the back, “I did that shit once!”

Lily pulled you along through the ballroom, her arm linked with yours, quickening her pace to keep up with you as you nearly bolted toward the back of the venue. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah,” you bit out, though your voice didn’t even convince you. “I’m fine. I just need to get this speech over with.”

“Uh-huh,” She replied, clearly not convinced, but smart enough to drop it for now. “You got it, don’t worry.”

Finally, you made it to the side entrance that led backstage. The thick drapes and low lighting created a shield, giving you a small moment of privacy before the world demanded your attention again. 

Lily stood next to you, gently touching your arm, “You don’t have to do this if you’re not ready. We can stall, or—”

“I have to,” you stopped her, rubbing a hand over your face, “I can’t—” You didn’t finish your sentence because you didn’t know how to say it. You had no choice.

Lily’s fingers squeezed your arm a little tighter. “Okay,” she said quietly, nodding. “But I’m here if you need me.”

You forced a smile, one that didn’t reach your eyes. “Thanks,” you whispered, even though the words felt hollow in your mouth.

You appreciated her being here, really, but she was blissfully unaware of the pregnancy test in the trash can. 

Taking a deep breath, you adjusted your posture, straightened your dress, and ran a hand through your hair, reminding yourself that you’d been here before. You’d stood on that stage so many times.

This wasn’t new. You just had to get through it. 

One more speech. One more night. You glanced at Lily, gave her a quick nod, and stepped through the final curtain. Back into the spotlight. Back into the role you’d perfected so well—put together, poised, untouchable.

The low murmur of the gathering hummed in your ears, growing louder with every second. You weren’t ready. You were never going to be ready.

You just needed to remember how to breathe.

The speech was printed and sitting in your hands, it felt like dead weight. You hadn’t even read through it since you’d finished it hours ago, and now, the thought of standing in front of all those people, pretending to have it together—it felt impossible.

Then, in the corner of your eye, you saw him.

Rafe. 

He said he wasn’t coming. Topper said he wasn’t coming. But there he was, standing there, watching you just like he always had. 

You hadn’t even meant to look. You didn’t do it on purpose, perhaps it was muscle memory, always searching for him. He was standing in the same spot he usually took. Like nothing had changed.

As if he hadn’t ripped you apart.

You tried to focus, but your heart was racing, thundering in your ears. 

How dare he? How fucking dare he? Instantly you were back there, that messy, intoxicating space you swore you’d never return to. The one where he controlled the air you breathed. He looked so good. Too good, really. He was wearing a crisp navy suit that hugged his frame perfectly, hair buzzed again. 

You should’ve guessed he’d find a way back here, even after everything. 

“Are you ready?” Lily whispered beside you, her voice pulling you back from the brink of a breakdown. 

“Yeah.”

Your heart raced as you forced yourself to look back at Rafe.

He wasn’t smiling. He wasn’t even pretending to look interested. He just stood there, his eyes locked on you, unreadable, unfathomable.

He was still watching you. It felt like could see through your polished exterior. He probably did. He knew you better than anyone else. You wondered what he saw—the confident girl who had always pulled off these events with ease or the terrified woman who was about to pass out from the pressure.

Then, he’s lips lifted slightly. That infuriating, devil-may-care almost there smirk that had made your heart stutter long before everything went to hell. It reminded you of nights spent tangled in sheets, whispers pressed against your skin under the cover of darkness, moments that felt like they belonged in a dream.

You wanted to throw the speech away and storm off the stage, leaving this whole night behind.

Instead, you cleared your throat and gripped the edges of the podium, the cool wood bringing you back to the world. 

The words were on the paper in front of you, but you didn’t need to look at them. You knew the speech by heart every year.  You’d written it yourself, after all—crafted it with care, knowing exactly what people needed to hear to make their checks bigger, to keep your father’s legacy alive.

It was just a matter of saying it without breaking.

A deep breath, and then you began.

“Good evening, everyone. Thank you so much for being here tonight.”

Your voice sounded better than what you felt, and you leaned into that, letting it carry you through the first few lines.

“We gather here every year for the same reason—to celebrate the incredible work this foundation does, and to honor the legacy of those who came before us. This foundation isn’t just a charity; it’s a tribute. A way to remember those we’ve lost and to carry their dreams forward. It’s about giving back to a community that gave so much to us.”

You paused, just for a moment, glancing down at the speech in your hands, feeling the overwhelming crush of what you’re about to say next.

“For me, this has always been personal.” Your voice softened as you continued, “Most of you are aware I lost my family a few years ago. My father started this foundation. His vision was always to make sure that no one was left behind, that we take care of our own. My mother helped build it. And my sister…” You hesitated, remembering how faultless she’d been, “She was always the heart of it.”

The room was utterly still now, everyone listening intently. 

“Tonight, as I stand here, I can’t help but think about how proud they would be of what we’ve accomplished. At least, I hope they’d be proud.”

You allowed yourself a small, bittersweet smile.

“My dad would’ve been in his element, making sure everything was spotless. And my mom, well, she’d probably tell me that the curtains were horrid and needed to be replaced immediately.”

The crowd gave a light laugh, the tension in the room dissipating just a little. You smiled, a real one this time, for the first time in weeks, picturing your mother in her no-nonsense way, criticizing every decoration like it was the most important thing in the world.

“I miss them every day,” you added, “And I’m certain I’m not the only one in this room who’s experienced that kind of loss. It changes you. But it also reminds you to live in a way that makes them proud. And that’s what tonight is about, continuing their work, continuing their legacy, and making sure we do right by them.”

Your grip on the podium loosened, and you looked up, making eye contact with the audience. 

“So, to everyone here tonight—thank you. Thank you for believing in this cause. Thank you for your generosity, your support, and your kindness. And thank you for helping me keep their memory alive.”

With that, you stepped back from the podium, the applause swelling around you, but all you could hear was the sound of your heart breaking.

It was over. You did it.

Automatically, your eyes flickered up toward the back corner, the spot where Rafe was standing. You never needed to look before; you’d always just known he’d be there. It was his silent promise to you since you were sixteen. Every gala, every speech—no matter what happened between the two of you—he was there.

But he wasn’t there anymore. The space was empty.  

This was what you wanted, you didn’t need him anymore. You were going to get through this on your own. It was the first time he wasn’t there to catch you like he’d always been.

You stood taller, and forced a smile, but as you started to step down from the stage, you felt it.

That stupid fucking warmth. 

His hand found your elbow as you and every nerve in your body screamed bloody murder. The applause was still buzzing in your ears, cameras flashing—none of it registered.

All you saw was him.

Three seconds. That was how close you were to snapping. Who the fuck let him in?

You yanked your arm away, the touch burning your skin like it was staining you. You didn’t say a word—just turned and headed straight for the back exit.

Behind you, you heard his footsteps.

Of course, he never knew when to stop, when to let you breathe.

“Can we just—” he was practically jogging after you, his voice strained. “Can we talk like fucking adults?”

You were already halfway down the hall, pulling off your earrings as you stormed toward your suite.

The fucking sheer audacity of this man. You couldn’t even process it—how he could stand there, with his fake-ass calm tone, chasing after you like you were the one being unreasonable.

You threw open the door to the suite you got ready in, the one that was supposed to be your sanctuary for the night and stepped inside, not bothering to close it behind you; you knew he was going to follow you in any way.

He was relentless like that.

You tossed the earrings onto the vanity and glanced up to see he was right behind you now, lingering in the doorway, as if unsure of how much further he could push before you exploded.

He looked at you like he was the victim in all this.

“Can you at least listen to me for a second?” It sounded like he was forcing himself to stay calm.

But that bite was so Rafe.

You spun around, your breath coming out harsh.

“Listen to you? Listen to you? You’ve got to be out of your fucking mind.”

He opened his mouth to say something, but you were already pulling off your heels, the sharp tug at the straps doing nothing to calm your frustration.

He stood there, his eyes on you, but you couldn’t even bring yourself to look at him for more than a second without feeling the betrayal flooding your chest.

Rafe was rubbing the back of his neck in that agitated way he did when he was frustrated.  “I came here because I didn’t want to leave things like that. I thought we could be civil—”

“Civil?” You nearly laughed, “You seriously think you can walk in here and be civil after everything?”

His eyes narrowed just a fraction. He moved on his feet, stepping further into the room, and you saw it—the way he rolled his shoulders like he was already preparing himself for a fight.  “I came to apologize.”

He ran a hand through his buzzed hair, the same agitated motion you’d seen a thousand times as if he was trying to smooth out the mess in his head.

Your hands stopped mid-motion, your necklace halfway off. You looked at him like he’d lost his mind. "Apologize for what, exactly?" 

“For calling you dramatic.” He exhaled like he was doing something noble by saying it. As if he was doing you a favor. “For that text. I was drunk, didn’t mean it.”

He wasn’t apologizing for ghosting you. He wasn’t apologizing for her. 

You stared at him, completely floored. He was serious, he thought this was some kind of peace offering. The fact that he thought an apology for that would fix anything? Insane.

“You think this is about that?” You cackled, chucking one shoe to the side, not caring where it landed, and the other followed right after. “Oh my god, Rafe, you are so fucking clueless.”

His expression changed then, brows furrowed, “I’m trying to make things right,” he mutters. “I don’t want you out of my life, okay?”

You threw the necklace somewhere on the ground, your patience gone. “You were the one who pushed me away. You don’t get to waltz in here and act like we can just fix things because you finally feel bad about it.”

He stepped closer, looming over you now, his lips curling into that sneer. “I’m trying to give you a chance to be friends—”

Give you? Like you were some charity case to him? As if you should be thankful.

“I don’t want to be your friend!” You growled in his face, stepping forward and jabbing your finger into his chest,  “I’d rather set myself on fire than be your friend, so you can take that chance and shove it up your ass.”

His hand came up to run along his head again, and you saw the way his fingers curled into his scalp like he was trying not to give in to his impulsive thoughts. His breathing was heavier now, too, chest rising and falling quickly.  

“Why are you being so difficult?” he snapped, and there it was—the familiar, accusatory edge in his voice. “After what you said about my dad—”

The reason.

The thing that broke you two this time, the thing he’d been holding over your head. You saw the hurt in his eyes, the one thing he hadn’t let go of.

You told him the truth and now it had become the scar he wouldn’t stop picking at. He was hurt. And he was angry, because you’d finally told him the truth about his dad, and it shattered that fake picture he had in his head. 

“You’re gonna bring that up right now?” Your voice was so quiet it nearly scared you. “After all the shit you’ve put me through, that’s what you’re mad about?”

“You don’t get to talk about him like that,” he growled, stepping forward. “That’s why we broke up. Because you don’t fucking get it.”

But Sofia did, right? 

That was fucking hilarious. She didn’t grow up listening to Ward’s bullshit. Didn’t see the kind of things he’d say or did to his oldest child. 

Of course, she would take his side. She didn’t know better. 

You shook your head, “No, we broke up because you didn’t like me telling the truth. Your dad was a piece of shit, and you know it.”

For a moment, the air went deadly still between you. You could sense his hurt, the way it sneaked between every bitter word.

Then, he did it—the thing you knew he would, that thing that made your blood boil. 

Rafe pulled at the back of his neck again, looking like he might’ve ground his teeth to dust. “Oh, I get it now,” he says, his voice thick with condescension. “You’re jealous.”

Your whole body went borderline rigid, like a door, locked in place.

He was standing there, offering you friendship like a pity prize, calling you jealous when you were standing there broken, trying not to fall apart because of him.

“Jealous?” you repeated, in disbelief. “Of your little pogue girlfriend? Please, fucking spare me. You want me to throw a penny at her?”

He stepped closer, his breath quickening. "She’s real, okay? She’s not some polished barbie pretending in front of everyone, just to fall apart behind closed doors."

Ouch. But you could do worse. 

"Real huh?" You scoffed, the bitterness in your chest taking over. "Is that what you call it? Someone who doesn’t know the difference between caviar and fucking canned tuna? That’s the 'real' you’ve been slumming it with?"

"At least she doesn’t care about any of this," he snapped, gesturing to the glittering gala that surrounded you both. "She’s not obsessed with keeping up appearances.”

A cold laugh escaped your lips. He must’ve forgotten to look in the mirror today.

"God, you’re so delusional. Do you think I wanted any of this?” You shot him a look that could cut through steel. "I’m not the one faking it. You are. You are still so desperate for Daddy’s approval that you can’t even see what a fucking mess you are."

Rafe's hands flexed at his sides, his fingers twitching. His nostrils flared, and he tilted his head to the side, running his tongue over his teeth like he always did when he was trying to stay calm.”

"I’m not afraid of who I am," His lips barely moved as he spoke, rolling his shoulders back again, standing to his full height. "You spend so much time trying to be perfect, you don’t even know who you are anymore."

He leaned in closer, his breath hot against your skin, like a predator sizing you up, his eyes locked on yours. You could see his jaw clench, his chest rising and falling with every shallow breath as he tried to keep his composure.

You took a step closer, your chest brushing against his, your heart pounding so hard you could hear it in your ears. His gaze flicked downward, scanning your face.

"Is that a joke? You spend so much time trying to be your father, you’ve lost yourself. Do you think I don’t see it? You’re so fucking empty without his approval,” Your voice dipped lower, “You’re so pathetic it’s almost sad."

He clenched his jaw again, his fingers curling into fists at his sides. He took a sharp breath through his nose, staring you down with a look that was all Rafe—volatile, unreadable, on the edge of breaking.

Right then and there, Lily burst into the room, her wide eyes taking in the scene like a bomb had just gone off.

"Okay! What is going on in here?" she demanded, her voice sharp but layered with concern. “I could hear you two in the hallway. If something happened, this is not the place to deal with it.”

 “You wanna know what happened, Lily?” you started, almost laughing with disbelief. “This motherfucker started seeing someone behind my back. Two months—two fucking months—with no real closure, no answers. And he’s off fucking some pogue.”

“It’s not like that,” He scoffed, pointing a finger in your direction as he took a few steps back, "Don't drag Sofia into this.”

His posture screamed defensiveness, and all you could think was how much you hated the way he said her name. It made you want to throw up, it felt like someone was taking a rusty nail and dragging it down your spine. 

He said it so casually, so carelessly, as if it hadn’t ripped you apart. It was the way he said it, with that hint of affection, like she was this delicate, shiny little thing he was protecting, and you—you—were just a threat he had to deal with.

"I'll drag the fucking Pope into this if I have to.”

You were the one who had been there through all his bullshit, you were the one who held him together when everything in his life was falling apart. Now, suddenly, she was the one he spoke about softly. Like she mattered.

It was insulting. 

“Guys!”

Lily stepped between you both, throwing her hands up as if she were separating two wild animals about to rip each other apart.

“Please, please calm down. Rafe, I think you should leave. Now."

He looked like he wanted to say more, you knew he had a million things screaming at him beneath the surface, but for once, he stayed silent. Maybe it was the fact that Lily was there, or maybe he finally realized you weren’t going to bite into his bullshit excuses and provocations.

Whatever it was, he took a step back, shaking his head. “Unbelievable,” he muttered under his breath, storming past Lily and out of the room.

You could hear the distant sound of the door slamming as he left.

The moment he was gone, you felt your breath coming out in shallow gasps. Your heart dropped to your stomach, your pulse racing.

Lily turned to you; her face full of concern. She reached out and grabbed your shoulders gently.

“Hey,” she whispered, her voice soothing, “Breathe. Just breathe.”

You pressed a hand to your chest, your breath hitching. Pregnant. You were pregnant with his kid, and this was what you got in return.

No peace. No calm. 

Your chest tightened, your vision blurring.  

“Hey, hey,” She cooed again, her hands on your arms, grounding you. “You’re okay. We’re going to figure this out. Just breathe, okay?”

You couldn’t believe you’d let it get this far—couldn’t believe you were even in this situation.

There was no way you were having his kid.

Absolutely not.

You didn’t even have to think about it. The decision had been made the second he’d defended her and insulted you like you were sidewalk littering.

Tomorrow, you’d take care of it. You’d book the appointment and that would be that. Clean break, no more ties to Rafe Cameron, no more staying in that fucked up twisted cycle with him.

“I really think you need to sit down and breathe for a second. You’re scaring me sweetheart, and honestly, this isn’t good for you.”

Once again, you pondered telling her everything—about breaking down and spilling every ugly detail. But that would make it real.

Your designer dress clung to you in all the wrong ways, as if even the fabric could understand the order going changes in your body. 

“Whoever let him in, I want them fired.”

You spat suddenly gaining momentary strength to ruin lives. It wasn’t just a demand; it was an execution order. 

The quiet threat of it was more terrifying than your screaming would have been. 

Tomorrow, you’d make sure this nightmare ended before it could begin. 

TAGLIST: @maybankslover @october-baby25 @haruvalentine4321 @hopelesslydevoted2paige @rafebb @rafesbby @whytheylosttheirminds

@zyafics @astarlights @bruher @nosebeers @carrerascameron @serrendiipty @sunny1616

@yootvi @ditzyzombiesblog @psychocitylights @maibelitaaura @kiiyomei

@stoned-writer @justafangirls-blog-deactivated2

@starkeygirlposts @enjoymyloves @ijustwanttoreadlols @icaqttt

[satoruan]

AITA FOR WHAT!? w/Jujutsu Kaisen

( TW ) f!reader, dark + explicit content, dubcon/noncon, blowjob, fingering, cheating, Suguru’s part will make more sense if you read Gojo’s, unrealistic anal, sex toys, coercion, spanking.

Featuring: Toji Fushiguro, Geto Suguru, Ryomen Sukuna (yes, again) 

an: part two (more like 1.5) because my other one got so much love and I wanted to write all my babies <3  This one is a LOT darker than the first one bc I love testing my limits. 

PART 1 

r/forcinghertosuckme posted by u/Toji_Fushiguro 

“W-what?” You stare at the man. “Suck me off right now or 'm going to throw you off the side of the mountain.” “Please--” “I’m not going to say it again girl, and I’m not swayed by begging.” He stares down at your shaking figure. You look at him and then behind you at the drop. You can’t even see the bottom. You wouldn’t survive that. You shake even harder. You have no choice you think as you drop down to your knees, you're so close to the edge that your feet dangle off the edge. “Pull it out, little girl.” The big man with dark hair who dragged you to the forest grunts out. Your hands are shaking as you unbuckle his pants and pull his pants down enough for his cock to jump out. You cry when you see the size of it, how are you going to suck something that huge. The tears you were holding in started to fall. “Enough with the tear's girl, they only make me harder—now put my cock into that pouty mouth, you don’t want me to put it in for you.”  You grab the base of his cock. Your hand doesn’t fully wrap around it. You bring your other hand up to fully cover his shaft. You start to move your hands up and down his shaft as you cry. “Use your fuckin’ mouth, feels like ‘m rubbing sandpaper on my dick with those dry hands. Get my cock wet.” He rolls his eyes, griping your chin with one hand, the other grabbing the back of your head. He pulls your mouth to his cock. “That’s it—no teeth or I'll shove you off the cliff with a mouth full of cum.”  Toji thrusts into your mouth, you take your hands off his shaft and hold onto his pants. He’s thrusting so hard you feel the rocks underneath you start to break off. You cry harder as you choke on his cock, trying to ignore the tingles in your pussy and the ache in your breast. 

r/fuckingmyfriendsgirl posted by u/Geto_Suguru 

You wake up to the feeling of fingers circling your clit. You smile and lean into your boyfriend's big chest. “Mm--Satoru,” You squirm when you feel light kisses on your shoulder. You lift your leg to his hip. He rubs your entrance before slipping two fingers into your wet cunt. You moan, his fingers feel thicker than normal, not as long. You chalk it up to your sleepy mind. “Want a kiss Toru,” You grind your ass into his cock as he finger fucks you. “Gimme a kiss baby.” You turn your head with puckered lips and freeze. Suguru grins from behind you. You gasp and try to pull away. He grabs your neck with his free hand, trapping you. “Stop! What are you doing Sugu, where's Toru?” You scream, twisting your head when he tries to kiss you. “No!” “Oh, don’t be like this y/n, don't act like you don’t cum on my cock every time Satoru is away on a trip.” The fingers on your jaw tighten and he bites your bottom lip. You struggle before you eventually give in. Satoru grins into the kiss, shoving his tongue into your mouth. You taste blood. “W-where’s Satoru?” You cry. “Out, went to go get you treats because you said you didn’t feel good.” He whispers into your mouth. Your heart clenches. He wanted to make you happy and you're here cumming on his best friend's fingers. “Stop Sugu, t-this isn’t right.” You moan when the hand inside you curls up into your G-spot. “Then maybe he shouldn’t have made us fuck that one time, it was like he was asking for this to happen.” 

r/slippingitinherass posted by u/Ryomen_Sukuna

“Look at this fucking ass,” Sukuna smirks as he watches you slam your hips down his cock. He smiles and twists the anal plug he coerced you to wear this morning. You whine. “Love this ass s’much.” He slaps your raw ass. You scream and grip the pillow. You wouldn't be surprised if after this is done your ass the busied and bloody. “I wanna fuck this ass,” he pulls the anal plug out of your ass “I am gonna fuck this ass.” He pulls his cock out of your pussy. You clench around nothing. “N-not today ‘Kuna. Put it back in my pussy.” You whine grinding back on his dick. He leans to grab you by the neck. “No, we're gonna do what I want, and I want to fuck your ass.” “But--” “No little one, you’re here to satisfy my needs now stay still or it’s going hurt.” He pushes your head into the pillow. You whine. “Good girl.” He straightens back up before grabbing his soaked cock and bringing the tip to your puckered ass. “W-what about lube ‘Ryo?” You swallow, tensing up when he starts to shove his cock in. “Gave you a chance to wear a bigger plug this morin’ but you wanted to be a crybaby ‘bout it. This is punishment.” He answers as he shoves another inch into you. You cry out into the pillow. “Now next time I tell you to do something you’ll know I'm doing it for your own good.”   

[someprettyname]

Okay but my dash is filled with this and I'm not even complaining but this is driving me feral.

He can make me do anything with that smirk alone

I'm on my knees sir-

[bebebelll]

does anyone know her dad? | dn3 x reader (part 3)

paring: daniel ricciardo x toto's daughter!reader, daniel ricciardo x wolff & shcumacher!reader warning: nothing (google translated german because i studied that language for 2 years and dont know a single word anymore) notes: part 1, part 2 and part 4 are recommended reading

ynquads god i love what the us grand prixs do to this man. there's something in the air and the cowboy hats are hot. i truly feel really blessed to have met you, to spend my life with you, to have been by your side and to have had you by mine. i just really love you ❤️❤️❤️

liked by danielricciardo, susie_wolff and 1 184 537 others

username haha jumping off a building now bye

danielricciardo you really love me ❤️

ynquads i really really love you danielricciardo really really really? ynquads really really really really danielricciardo wanna sneak out and go makeout? ynquads YEAH alex_albon no please dont we're on the same plane the restroom is small the walls are thin

maxverstappen1 gross

username sobbing screaming throwing up (fuck i am jealous)

danielricciardo i am so obsessed with you baby

ynquads i fucking adore you

f1wagsupdate as we all know that the figure skater and danny ric's girlfriend yn shcumacher is the child of toto wolff and michael shcumacher's sister, we decided to go on a deep dive. these are really the only photos we could find from facebook. we could only find this one photo of katarina shcumacher and not a single one her and toto together. but isn't toto just adorable with baby yn? and enjoy baby yn and max verstappen looking super cool!

liked by 46 956

username MAX VERSTAPPEN

username how is mick not using that last photo every year on their birthdays like i would print a pic like that of my siblings and put them up around school hallways and on the fridge

ynquads do not worry, auntie sophie and vic show that photo around every christmas

username ooh its too bad theres no photos of them together

username same bro i cant stop imagining some summer love ynquads they met a bar in berlin and got so fucking drunk that its a miracle they didn't get alcohol poisoning. i am so truly so really serious when i say that i'd be surprised if they even exchanged names before i was already cooking in my mom's stomach username what the fuck you saying ynquads i've seen an old homevideo about the morning after. i talk about it in therapy every week

username i love how yn is just lurking around every post about her and her parents

yt video: YN SHCUMACHER ATTENDS COTA - BRUNDLE GRIDWALK

comments:

username love the passive aggressive attitude to every camera she saw

username truly a lovely experience. yn kissed daniel before the race. she kissed max's cheek when he won and said something scandalous in german/dutch based on everyone's faces. i also saw a video of her laughing on the ground when lewis dsq was announced

username WHAT THE FUCK ARE THEY SAYING IS THAT GERMAN

username yn: they are filming you, dad. you are very popular. toto: dont give them too much attention. you had a long flight. you just go and take a nap before the race. brundle and toto talk yn: well see how intact our relationship is after the race username intact 😂😂 lord that really is torger's kid

danielricciardo this woman is the single reason ive survived some darker times. she's so beautiful, lovely and sweet. elegant on and off the ice ❤️❤️the day i do not gush and drool about her is the day i'm dead. so in love

liked by ynquads and 2 487 577 others

username why am i crying

username cant come to the phone right now busy driving through concrete walls and off a cliff

ynquads i am THE luckiest girl ❤️❤️❤️

danielricciardo if youre lucky then ive been blessed by god ynquads dont you dare i win this danielricciardo youre not the one who was just on their knees i win ynquads come here and ill wrestle you danielricciardo only if you kiss the booboos better after

username am i the only one getting real suspicious about these "i love you much" post that they've been putting out for the entire month??? like what you doing all this for

username EXACTLY username they've been together for like four or five years too sooooo you know what people do around that timestamp 🤭🤭🤭

username just what the hell is that comment about being on their knees daniel

ynquads instagram story

danielricciardo funny thing about vegas

liked by ynquads, lewishamilton, maxverstappen1 and 3 483 573 others

username BITCH WHAT

susie_wolff if you got married in a las vegas chappel, you are grounded till your 80th birthday yn - toto wolff

ynquads i didn't actually expect to love being engage this much

danielricciardo whats got you excited about this then? ynquads the fact that im gonna get to marry YOU maxverstappen1 stop being gross maxverstappen1 i already suffered through watching the proposal

username love this i want to snort this i want to inject this into my blood but did you get engaged and then eat junkfood while watching princess diaries 2

ynquads don't tell anyone 🤫 danielricciardo really dont tell anyone that amount of junkfood was not in the diet plan

@topguncultleader @eternalharry

[taylormarieee]

Day 1: Dacryphilia

Kinktober

Summary: Rick loves it when you cry

Word count: 540

Pairing: Rick Grimes x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Missionary, Reader crying, pleasure, PiV sex, Sex with plot, Dacryphilia, MDNI 18+ONLY!

You've been teasing and playing with Rick and testing his patience all week. All week you've been pushing his buttons.

Pushing him further to the cliff to see if he would jump off.

You've missed Rick and his kinky ways. You knew him being the leader of Alexandria was hard.

There were some nights where you would cry yourself to sleep because he's not there.

Rick's biggest kink that always confused you was a crying kink. He loved when you cried for him during sex.

Even if you were arguing and you start crying, Rick would immediately get hard without question.

So tonight was one of those aggressive nights after and argument.

"This is what bad girls get for talking- fuck- back! Take it like a good cry baby." He grunts out.

Your whimpers echo throughout the bedroom. Your cry's and screams for Rick to slow down are completely ignored by him.

He always loved seeing you cry. It lit a fire of desire inside of him.

Your body jerks up and down as he pounds into you. His thrusts harder and harder by the minute. You cry out his name over and over again.

"Rick!"

"Rick!"

"R-Rick! Please!!!" You cry out.

"Nuh uh mama, You know I love it when you cry baby." He teases slowing down his thrusts.

You feel his big cock splitting you in half as he slowly but strongly thrusts into you.

Tears start to form in your eyes again as he mercilessly thrusts into you harder.

"This? This is nothin'. Take it like a big girl. Now cry for me." He says. You moan out, turned on by his words as he tries to make you cum for the third time tonight.

"R-Rickkk, It hurts. Please!" You cry out again. The salty tears coating you cheeks and staining your taste buds. Your tears are all you could taste.

Your crying until you can't cry anymore. Your face flushed and all fucked out. Rick smiles, approving and proud of how well you obey him.

How well he can easily turn you into a crying, moaning, whimpering and whining mess in 10 minutes.

You feel your orgasm coming, your eyes roll to the back of your head. You arch your back towards Rick and scream out his name once again.

"Oh fuck - Rick! Oh-Oh shit... Fuck I'm gonna-" Before you could even finish your sentence, Rick uses his fingers to draw figure 8's around your clit.

You twitch and shake as your orgasm comes gushing from out of your pussy.

"Tha's it baby, make that pussy cry for me." he says in a low, husky voice.

You squeal feeling your orgasm still coursing through you as Rick continues his torture on your pussy.

It's so euphoric to the point you cried all the tears you could cry. Your body falls limp in his arms.

He gently rests you down on the bed. Your in and out of consciousness from loosing all those fluids between crying and coming 3 times.

He rubs your back and whispers sweet nothings in your ear as your breathing turns back to normal.

He kisses your forehead then brings you closer to him.

God he really did love to see you cry.

Taglist: @rickswh0r3 @sinsandsweetness @daryldixmedown @darylscvmdumpster @carlgrimesenthusiast @carlsdarling @catt-leya @number1gal @dixongrimesgirl @loveforcarl @murdadixon @sickyrat @watchoutforthefanfics @writella @xowritella @tied-in-a-knot @itsgrimeytime

A/N: I hope you horny, kinky ladies Loved it! I'm soo excited for the rest!

[fandom-rants-here]

The fact of the matter is that we only see Jim Hopper and Karen Wheeler comfort Mike.

Karen has no idea the full extent of what's going on and the only time we see Mike cry in front of\with her is in season 1.

Hopper comforts him exactly one time in season 2 as Mike is screaming, punching, and crying. He is the only person to see Mike like this. Afterwards, this interaction dissolves into nothing and the potential ends.

Mike Wheeler saw his best friend's supposed body, jumped off a cliff watched his best friend get fucking possessed, saw the aftermath of a man's death, dealt with demodogs at the ripe age of 13, had his best friend of 9 years move thousands of miles away, felt that him dating Jane was the only way to save the world, will learn of everything that happened while he was gone, and still has yet to break down besides that one fucking time in season 2. Nobody has thought "Hmmm... Mike has been through and has seen a to. I think maybe somebody needs to talk to him."

Season 5 breakdown will be messy and sad. I am so fucking here for it.

[shamelessfaceless]

Love, Pain, Death, Repeat

Navigation | Marvel masterlist | part II

Pairings: Wanda Maximoff x F!reader, Wanda Maximoff x Vision

Summary: Even death won't help you get rid off her and pain she caused.

Warnings: Mentions of death, cheating, angst

Wc: 600

A/n: Just a fast sad blurb, hope you like this <33

Your mouth is dry, completely opposite to your eyes. Pinning Natasha to the ground you let your tears fall. It wasn't supposed to be like that, but after hearing what you needed to do, you were sure it was the time.

"Think about Yelena! Your facking sister! Think what would she say if I told her that you killed yourself!" You yelled at her though she was so close to you she would hear your whispers.

"And you? You have a whole life ahead of you! You're so young! You are doing what you need, you're nice and brave, you put others before you, you are a hero people need!"

"I don’t have anyone! Anyone! I spent last years crying in my room! People don’t remember me! I don’t even remember who I am."

"Y/N" She tried to change positions. You didn't let her. You couldn't let her.

"I am not enough. I never was. Everyone knows Black Widow or Iron Man or Hawkeye! Even she showed me I was never enough!" You were almost sobbing, your tears falling on Natasha’s suit. "She choosed fucking microwave!"

When you saw Wanda for the first time, you fell almost in the same second. Literally fell. You wanted to come closer, but your legs had other plans, and you fell straight into her arms. This made her laugh. That was the first thing that actually made her show positive emotions after her brother died. Most of the night spended in your room only talking changed into spending nights in yours and hers own room. After your old relationships you were negative about love, but you started trusting her, it meant so much for you. She promised you stars. It didn't take long for her to take interest in Vision. You trusted her with your whole heart, and all she did was break it. He was just a robot, you thought you didn't need to care about him. Maybe he was a little bit too nice to Wanda, but she wouldn’t fall for cold metal, right? Oh how wrong you were. After one of the missions, you came back to your room just to see her covered in hickeys that for sure weren’t yours. You just sat on the floor and told her to get out.

"You will meet someone else. Just give yourself a chance. For fucking sake, if you let yourself forget her, you will find true love and maybe have kids or cats." Russian was strong, you started feeling like your arms were going to give up.

"She cheated on me, and soon after she disappeared. Women always choose men." You said disgustedly. Your every relationships ended because they chose to be with men. "Tell everyone I loved them." You stabbed her hand to distract her.

You started running to the end of the cliff. Black Widow’s screams didn’t stop you. Just as you jumped you looked behind to see Natasha, she was so close catching you, just a few seconds and you would be still alive. You smiled to her wondering if she could see it, and closed your eyes. Last thing in your mind was the memory of one specific lazy morning with Maximoff. Morning when she promised you cozy life, no avengers, just you and her in a big house and kids.

…

Opening your eyes you expected to see your dead parents, not two young boys.

"Good morning my love." Your head snapped to the door of the room. Wanda stood there, width smile on her lips, her eyes shining a little bit with red.

[slimybeth69]

Que Será, Será: Part 3

Rating: Explicit- Smut, violence, drinking/drug use. MDNI!!

Summary: It's almost twenty years after some weird outbreak almost happened but the CDC took care of that...Now you're living in Austin, Texas as an adult.What happens when you meet Joel Miller who hasn't been hardened and ruined by twenty years of murder and loss?

Warnings/Tags: DaddyDom!Joel/ you. no use of y/n. No physical description of the reader besides one tattoo. Reader has a background story. Drinking/drug use. Slow burn. Smut. Angst. Cheating. Graphic depictions of violence. Eventual loss of virginity. Use of nicknames/pet names (lil girl, baby girl.) DD/lg dynamics. BDSM play. Unbeta'ed. WIP. Cross-posting from my Ao3.

Chapter 3-

You don’t hear from him or see him at the hardware store for two weeks. The first time he does come in… he doesn’t go through your line or look at you. You didn’t really look either, so he might have. You just kept your eyes on your register and caught a glimpse of him out of the corner of your eye when he walked by to leave. It broke your fucking heart that he didn’t even acknowledge you. But why would he? You two don’t talk anymore. It’s hard but not impossible to keep yourself from crying at work.

The rest of the day drags on. You actually ask your manager if you can do restocking because just standing at the register and hoping that every scared and suntanned hand that comes into your vision belongs to him. It never does. It’s always some other stupid carpenter. Fuck. You’re quitting this job. You’ll quit and just work for Cody. He offered. Would pay you well but you hate IT and would probably have to travel and you don’t like flying. Not one bit. So… maybe you’ll stay here for just a lil while longer. You could move to the back and never have to worry about seeing Joel ever again. 

Your shift ends and you don’t see him again. Your partially thankful, partially heartbroken and devastated. You stop at a drive through and get french fries and a full fat coke. The best kind. With all the sugar and carbonation. You sit in the truck and indulge sadly. You think about going home and… putting on that lingerie… you could take a picture and send it to him. Then block his number and break your phone and go jump off a cliff because that is the worst idea you’ve ever had. It’s been an internal and also an external struggle to not text or call him. You want to so badly. So badly. You don’t think he’d answer. 

Joel might. He didn’t seem like he wanted to leave that day. He was acting like he could have stayed another night before you two got into your lil disagreement. You could kick yourself for being nosey and whatever the fuck else you are that makes you say dumb shit. No. You stood up for yourself and didn’t get put back into another Jackie Harris situation where you’re getting screamed at in the back of a Dodge Neon at sixteen because you’re scared to lose your virginity. 

You should’a done it then because now you’re never going to lose it. Not at this rate. 

You roll seven joints when you get home because you need to keep your fingers busy so they don’t accidentally type out a message to him that tells him to come over and kiss you again. As you roll your joints you speak affirmations to yourself out loud.

“You’re worth more than getting screamed at!! Worth more than fingers being pointed in your face calling you fucking worthless. You are worth more than that. So, you’re a very smart girl for kicking that douche--Joel Miller, to the curb. Fuck him. He is a prick.” You snort and feel satisfied because you feel a little better. 

You decided to smoke on the porch because it’s so nice out today. You can wear just shorts and a tank top out here. It’s not humid, not sticky. Just hot. You made yourself a drink with your coke from the fast food place and some of Cody’s whiskey. It’s hard to unwind when you cannot stop thinking about him. The way he felt when he was on top of you in the car? The way he kissed you? You had never, ever been kissed like that. It was like he was trying to crawl inside of you through your mouth and it was the hottest thing. You miss it. You could cry. 

Let’s not even get started on his cock? Please? It was so beautiful– honestly, the only cock you have ever really wanted to look at. Every other one you have seen was… alright. Nothing to write Dad about– that makes you chuckle aloud, the idea of writing your dear old Dad about all the cocks you see (which really isn’t many) and giving them your ratings and clear descriptions of them. You’d write about how Joel had a thick patch of dark pubic hair right at the base of him, and veins that crept from that base all up and along the thick shaft…he had been so hard– so throbbingly, achingly hard in his hand while he stroked himself. He was red in contrast to the rest of his tanned skin on his fist. The seam of him drooling precome like it got paid to. There was so much of it. So much on his shirt after he was done…

It was so erotic.  

You had never done that. Touched yourself for someone and watched them do that!! No! You got naked for Jackie Harris a couple times. Didn’t ever wanna watch him jerk off. You just let him look– store it in his memory for later, you did show him what you looked like with a couple fingers inside you…but that was it. You never finished alongside someone else like that. You honestly… had never finished with anyone before. Some got you almost there, real fucking close but then they’d lose their rhythm or get tired of try. Sometimes not even try because you wouldn’t let them fuck you. Fuck men. Honestly. They all suck. 

It gets dark so fast and you think about how you are lonely. You don’t know anyone down here. Sam took off literally two weeks after you got here. You text her.

Hey sisterrrr. I miss u and I know shit is tough for u right now. Im always here… always. Send me pics of u and carter. I don’t gave a shit about cody, tell him i said to go fuck himself. Jk i might be taking him up on that job offer soon. Love you. Text me back this time, ho. 

She’s been gone for three months and you have heard from her only once. Every other time you talk to her or even see her is when Cody texts you or facetimes you so that you can see her and know that she is still alive. Carson is growing up and you’re missing out on all that. 

Your phone rings. It’s Cody.

“What do you want, you fuckin’ loser,” You sneer into the phone with no real malice. At this point Cody is more of your brother than Paul. That asshole. 

“Hey, so… your sister isn’t doin’ good—” He starts but now you’re stiff in your chair. 

“What does that mean?” You whisper softly.

“She’s just really depressed. The wellness gurus here at the retreat thinks she needs professional help…like real therapy and shit.” Cody sounds so worried. 

“You’re gonna get her—”

“Duh, you fucking asshole. Of course. Literally would chop off my nuts for Samantha if she needed ‘em to get better. Shit. There is a specialist in Germany that is said to be a fuckin’ genie with this postpartum stuff so we’re going to go there for a couple months. Get her a change of scenery.” He sighs. 

“That’s good. Real good. I’m glad you guys are able to do all that. Fuck. That’s crazy… is she there?” You ask hesitantly. 

“Okay… don’t get upset with her okay?” Cody warns you and your stomach drops. 

“What?” You almost don’t wanna know. Why would you be mad at her?

“She’s not talking…” Cody whispers. 

“Huh?” You’re unimpressed with his answer. 

“She’s… I dunno. On some weird mute shit right now. Only answers me with nods or head shakes.” Cody is sounding more and more hopeless the more he talks about it. 

“Like… she’s not talking on purpose?” You’re so utterly shocked by this. That is no Samantha. 

“She barely gets out of bed. Doesn’t hold the baby. It’s fuckin’ sad…I feel so bad for her ‘cause she wanted this so…we both did and now, she can’t even enjoy it.” Cody sounds like he’s going to cry. 

“Do you want me to fly to Germany to meet you guys?” You offer even though the thought of being on a plane that long makes you want to throw up. 

“I appreciate that so much…” Cody sighs and now you are shitting your pants too because it sounds like he wants to do this. “I just dunno… If you think you should, come out here but I know you’re weird with the flying thing.” He is thinking of other solutions. You can hear it in his voice. “We’ll be okay. I got Carson. I’m a good dad, not like your guys’ piece of shit cock-sucking dad. I’m a real dad.” You know Cody is poking his chest real hard when he says this and it makes you roll your eyes.

“I’ll get you a mug or something. An award.” You chuckle into the phone.

“How’s the house? Still standing?” He asks nervously. 

“I flooded it. Ruined everything. I’m drinkin’ all your expensive whiskey.” You snicker into the phone and Cody groans loudly. 

“I should have locked it up, you bitch. Fuck. I knew you were gonna get into it. Thief!” He exclaims into the phone quietly like he might be a little mad. “What’re you drinkin’?” He sounds less mad and more curious. 

“I dunno. Something Macllins or something The Reach 18 or something.” You shrug because you didn’t look at the label. 

“You’re fuckin’ lying. I know you’re not drinkin’ it the way you should be. Drinkin’ it with a coke from McDonalds or something stupid.” He grumbles.

“Sure am. How am I supposed to drink that shit?” You snort into the phone. 

“Well seeing as how you’re drinking one hundred and twenty five… thousand dollar scotch. That’s been aged for eighty-one fuckin’ years, ya dingus, should be drank neat. One ice cube…if you need it. But should just be drank straight, ya fuck.” He exclaims into the phone.

“You just love talking about how much money you have. It’s gross. I’m surprised Samanatha married you.” You snicker. 

“She married me for the money, turdface. Fuck off.” He sounds annoyed and you love it. “Don’t drink anymore of the Macallans. You can drink anything else. I mean it. Seriously. Help yourself to that whole cabinet but I can’t get more of The Reach 81. S’all gone. Gotta wait another eighty one years for more— so stop fuckin’ adding it to watered down coke, you asshole.” Cody almost shouts into the phone.

“We’ll see. Your house is fine. Love you guys. Give Carson and Samantha a kiss for me. Maybe slap my sister a lil for me and see if she snaps back to normal.” Your smirk. 

“You’ll have to fly to Germany to do that. I would never. Say outta The Reach, bitch. Love you too. I’ll call you when we get to Munich.” Cody hangs up the phone before you can say anything else. 

What a good fucking husband. Doing literally anything and everything for her. Sometimes you’re jealous of Samantha but remember she is going through it right now. She also worked really hard in school and then at college. She worked her asshole right out of her body to get her degree to be a child psychologist. Worked so hard to do that…to then meet Cody who literally had more money than she had ever seen in her whole life. That didn’t make her fall in love with him, not at all. It’s how much fun she had with him. Cody is the life of the party. He’s incredibly smart. Very handsome. Hilarious. Self-deprecating in the best way. He’s a good guy and you’re lucky he’s in your life at any capacity. Cody paid for your entire trip down here. The moving truck you drove down here, paid for all your gas and hotel rooms. Gave up his air conditioned gym to have to work out in the hot ass garage. He’s a good man. A good brother. 

Better than Paul. 

Your phone dings in your hand. It’s Samantha. 

Love you, Squeak.

That’s it. It means more than anything. She calls you that because your mom used to call you that. It makes you smile and get goosebumps. Samantha is still in there somewhere. Hopefully this therapist in Munich can find her and help her back to the surface. You go inside. You do not have to work tomorrow so…you’ll stay up all night and read your true crime blog. Why not? Nothing better to do. You go to change into something a little warmer, it’s cooler inside with the AC on. Your fingers graze the lace material and you can suddenly taste your heartbeat. You touch it again, don’t pick it up… just rub the delicate, light blue lace between your fingers gently. 

Ideas come to your head. Familiar ideas. You’ve had this idea before. 

Fuck it. The Reach 81 is buzzing around in your head. You put the dainty outfit on before you can chicken out. You go to your full length mirror. It doesn’t… not fit. You have put on a couple pounds since you move down here but it’s not… too small. You’re busting out in all the right places and the fabric digs in and makes you look supple and soft. You pull out your phone and take one of your entire body with your feet pressed together at the toes. The next pose is you on your knees, with your legs spread wide– leaned back so you can get a nice lil look. Nothing is too directly exposed even though the lace is see through. There is a little bit left to the imagination. Except for your nipples and areola. Those are seen directly through the fabric. You turn your camera around and take a picture of you on your back, cupping one of your spilling tits in the bra. You bite your bottom lip an angle the camera so he can see down your body. 

You’re feeling so confident because these pictures are… actually really hot. That or you’re a little drunk. 

You send Joel Miller all three pictures and put a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie on over the lingerie. It makes you feel hot and sexy and so you don’t really wanna take it off yet. You don’t know what you’re expecting… really. 

You’re hoping he texts you or calls you back. You want that. 

You don’t think he will though. You just embarrassed yourself and now you have to quit your job at the store or just hope he never, ever comes in again. He might not. You just threw yourself at him via the phone screen. You look desperate and now you hate yourself. 

What have you done!? 

You go to see if you can delete them, un-send them or something but he looked at them. It says right under the pictures… 

Seen 8:22 PM

It’s almost eight thirty now… eight fucking minutes have gone by and he hasn’t answered. He might still be at work… could be. He liked Ava’s pictures before he called you the night he saw you. FUCK. Okay. You’re just going to delete those pictures from your text thread so you can pretend you never sent them. Then you delete them right out of your camera roll. What pictures? You never did anything. Nothing. 

You read your blog. Sadly. You wish Joel Miller had been a killer and just murdered you on the side of the road that first night. That had to hurt less than this. You know this is not true. You feel so badly for every victim in these stories. Sometimes they are hard to read but you do it anyway… for whatever reason. It makes you feel something. Sad. Better than nothing. Better than being bored and alone. Ugh. You need another drink. 

The Reach 81 goes back in the cabinet because you do not like annoying Cody that much. You reach for a different bottle and grab a can of diet coke from the fridge upstairs because you’re too lazy to go back downstairs to grab a regular coke from your fridge. You don’t wanna do anything ever again. You add ice to your drink when the doorbell rings. Your heart flutters for half a second and then you get so scared. It’s past nine now. Who is ringing your doorbell?? Shit. You have no weapons. Why does Cody have no guns? Fuuuck. You check your phone and there are still no messages from Joel. Or anyone. You get nine one one typed in and ready to call and walk slowly to the front door. 

The doorbell rings again. 

Ooooooohhhhhh noooooooooo.

Normal people only ring one time. 

Crazy people ring twice… fuck. Okay. Everything is fine. You can talk real fast if you need to yell your address to the operator. 

You fling the door open and Joel is standing there, shifting his weight between his feet nervously, he gives you a sheepish grin. You frown and then so does he.

“What are you doing here?” You ask that way because you had just been terrified and that hasn’t left your body yet. So you’re a little harsh. 

“Oh…did you mean to send those sexy ass pictures to someone else or were you fuckin’ teasing me?” Joel sounds genuinely upset. 

“I meant to send them to you…but what are you doing here?” You blink up at him and now he’s blinking right down at you too. 

“Did you…not want me to come over?” He raises one eyebrow in suspicion and maybe confusion. 

“I thought you’d text me back first.” You explain to him dully. Joel stops shifting his weight and his eyes flash from left to right three times before he looks at you again.

“Yeah. I should’a done that. I’m sorry.” He stands at the open door just looking down at you. You dunno what to say now that he is here…right here in front of you!! You thought if you ever talked to him again it’d be over text or the phone. Not in person. You can’t help yourself when he is…right here. “You want me to go?” He throws his thumb over his shoulder to his truck in the driveway. 

You shake your head no silently. 

The corner of Joel’s mouth turns up slightly. 

“You gotta invite me in. I don’t barge.” He shrugs his shoulders and speaks much more calmly and cool than he had been before. He wasn’t nervous anymore. 

“Do you wanna come in?” You don’t have any energy inside of you to produce sound so it just comes out in a whisper. He nods silently and side steps you into the house. 

“Sorry ‘bout last time.” He slips his boots off and stands in the entryway. His eyes trace along your comfy outfit and he looks almost disappointed for one second and then his eyes flash roguishly. Devilishly. 

“I’m not. Thanks for telling me you’re an asshole. Now I can make an educated choice on what I want.” You smirk at him and he takes one step towards you and tries to close the distance but you step back– but now you’re pressed against the closed front door. You sigh softly as he eliminates any distance left between you with two large steps. 

“What do you want.” He whispers quietly as his nose grazes across your forehead gently. His words are breath against your closed eyelids. “Tell me what you want, lil girl.” He’s demanding in his soft, throaty whispers. 

“You.” You keep your eyes closed but as you speak his hands find your hips and he’s pulling you against him. 

“You still got that sexy lil blue thang on under this?” He tugs at the hem or your sweatshirt gently. You still haven't opened your eyes, but his the tip of his nose trawls down the bridge of yours, his lips kiss the tip of your nose as he pass by and then his lips are on yours and he’s hungry for you. 

You moan in affirmation that you do still have that lil sexy blue thang on under all this that you’re wearing. His tongue pushes it’s way into your mouth, he doesn’t wait for you to open up for him. He needs you. You’re lips are wet with saliva as your mouths open and close against each others, tongues swirling whenever they can. He pulls away at the sounds of your protesting whines. 

“Wanna do somethin’, open your mouth.” He sighs softly his lips still touching yours. You don’t even care why he would want you to do something like that, you’re melting against this door and he hasn’t even really touched you yet. Just kisses you and played with the hem of your sweatshirt. He had one hand on your waist. That was it. 

Joel Miller spits into your open mouth. Loudly. You are appalled and pull away from him in horror. You want to spit it back at him but he closes your jaw with his strong hand. 

“Swallow it fer’ me, sexy lil thang.” He growls softly in that deep, country twang he has. You mindlessly swallow and then are even more horrified that you just did that!! What!! 

“What was that!?” You exclaim in annoyance. “Spitting into my mouth?” You’re offended that he thought you’d like that…. You didn’t wanna like it. Not at all. But you did kinda. Liked the way he smirked at you when you swallowed it. Loved how he growled at you. 

“Didn’t like it? I won’t do it again… I’m sor—” Joel does look sorry and like he feels really bad. 

“No. It’s fine.” You snap at him…because… you don’t know why. “No one’s ever done that to me before.” 

“So…you did like it? ‘Cause I fuckin’ love it. You could do it to me too…” He offers with the slightest raise of his eyebrows. “I’d spit more into yer’ mouth if you’d let me.” He whispers softly. This actually horrifies you. 

“What does that mean!?” You gasp softly. You make Joel chuckle. 

“Want me to tell you? We should go downstairs… n’ you can show me what that lil thang you got on underneath all them clothes really looks like.” Joel wraps his arm around your waist and pulls you close to him. 

“Okay.” You sigh softly and let him lead you downstairs to your room. He’s down at the bottom of the steps and you’re on the second to last. He grabs you by the waist, his strong hands dig into your sides as he lifts you. He holds you against his chest and torso as he carries you past the bed and into your makeshift living room. 

Joel sets you down in front of the couch, steals a loud, wet kiss from your lips and then makes his way to the couch and sits down with his legs and knees spread wide. He’s comfortable. 

“Go slow.” He growls at you with that same mischievous look he had the the last time he was here and chased you. You blink at him. You have on just sweats! The hood of your sweatshirt was up over your head You didn’t look very sexy at all. 

“What do you mean? I have two things on! It’ll be over–” You exclaim, pulling the drawstrings of your hoodie tight and closing the hole around your face. Joel is shaking his head and holding his hand up for you to stop. 

“Go. Slow.” He shrugs his shoulders when you stop talking. “Simple. Slow.” He tips his head to the side as he shrugs his shoulders. You’re gonna spit on him. 

“Fine.” You loosen the drawstrings and pull the hood down and fix your hair so it isn’t frizzy anymore. 

“Y’look cute already… are you nervous?” Joel raises one eyebrow slightly as he watches you dance around on your toes nervously. 

“No. Why would I be nervous?” You shake your head at him and try to sound offended but you think you actually sound nervous. So, that’s nice. 

“I dunno… why would you be nervous?” He chuckles and shifts around on the couch to get comfy. “Drove almost ninety miles an hour to get here.” He jokes but it doesn’t really sound like a joke. 

“Why’d it take you so long then?” You flick one eyebrow up at him playful and he’s stunned by this. He has no words, he’s just chuckling but you don’t really like his lack of voice. He’s always got something to say. “Seriously… if you drove that fast… n’ you were home— you should have been here sooner after you saw the pictures.” You eye him doubtfully. The small smirk leaves his face and he sighs. 

“I’m never, ever gon’ lie to you if you ask me stuff outright like that. I was with Ava.” He says simply. You had your arms inside your hoodie, getting ready to slowly lift if over your head and show him your sexy outfit but you punch your arms through the sleeves and cross them over your chest. Joel chuckles. 

“Ok.” You sigh loudly. 

“Why’re you mad? I’m here…” He smirks now and stands. You take a step back but he doesn’t walk towards you. He goes to the light switch and dims the lights dramatically. You can almost barely see him. He comes back to sit on the couch and stretches his legs again, spreading his strong, muscular arms along the back of the couch. 

“Is that why it took you so long? ‘Cause you had to finish?!” You accuse him with a pointed finger in his direction. He laughs loudly and shakes his head. 

“No. She just lives further from here n’ I had to talk her off the ledge when I told her I didn’t wanna see her anymore.” Joel is smirking. You can see it now that your eyes have adjusted to the dimness of the room. “We weren’t even doin’ nothin’. Jus’ talkin’. ‘Bout to do somethin’...” Joel shugs one shoulder and tips his head again. 

You think in your head right now if you have a reason to be mad about this or if you should even believe him. 

“How do I know you’re not lying?” You give him another dubious look and tap your foot impatiently even though… you have all the time in the world. You’re off tomorrow. So is Joel. Tomorrow is Saturday so he has all the time in the world too. Shit. 

Joel shifts to the left slightly and pulls his phone out of his back pocket. He unlocks it and then tosses it to you without a word. You barely catch it and glare at him for that. You would have felt so bad if you hadn’t caught it and something happened to it!! So embarrassed. You stare at his phone in your hand. 

“My lil password or whatever is 072089.” He smiles at you. “S’my daughters birthday… not my other lil girlfriend. Don’t worry.” He winks at you like he’s so fucking funny. 

“What do you want me to do with it?” You stare at him as the phone screen goes black in your hand. 

“Look through it— since you like doin’ it so much. Look’it the messages from Ava tonight. They’ll prove I’m not lyin’.” He’s got a shit eating grin on his face like you’re going to be so happy with what you find in there you’ll get right on your knees and suck his dick or something. 

You tap the screen and the face ID doesn’t recognize you, so you enter the numbers he said to you and his phone unlocks. Okay— he can change his password. He probably will when he leaves here. The message thread from Ava is above yours. She’s currently typing stuff out to him but there are unread messages from her as well. 

“She’ll see that you opened them… you have your read receipts on… old man.” You smirk at him but he shrugs. 

“Don’t really care.” He still has that stupid grin on his face and you are going to spit on him. You sure will… kinda hopes he does it to you again. Soon. Tonight. 

You press Ava’s text thread and there are… countless messages all from within the last forty-five minutes. All the texts are some variation of… 

You have to be kidding? 

You’re not fucking serious, are you? Is it someone else?

Talk to me. Answer my calls. 

Just walk out? Really? We were having a good, real talk for the first time and all of a sudden you just have to leave? With no explanation? 

Ava starts to call him before you can read any more. You blink at the phone vibrating in your hands. 

“She callin’ again?” Joel asks casually. “You can ignore it. You could answer it…but that’ll just piss her off… n’ she’d probably show up to my house…smash my windows or something.” Joel isn’t grinning anymore, but he sounds like he means what he’s saying. Like you could really answer it if you wanted. 

“I don’t wanna talk to her.” You hold the phone back to him but he holds his hands up like he doesn’t want it either. 

“I said what I wanted to say. There isn’t nothin’ she can say that’s gonna change my mind.” Joel shrugs again and stretches his back, arching his chest towards the ceiling as you hold his still vibrating phone in your hands. It stops vibrating and then immediately starts up again. She called him right back. 

“Change your mind about what?” You ask softly, setting the phone down on the TV stand behind you but it just buzzes and skitters across the glass noisily. You pick it up and stare at it and then you silence the call. You stare at the black screen and it lights up again!! She called Joel again!! You set the phone down on the black, faux fur rug in your mini living room. It’s quiet and doesn’t move. You push it far away from you with your big toes. 

Scary. 

“I’ll tell you… I’ll tell you everything … but you gotta start taking them clothes off— real slow.” Joel draws the last two words out for so long before they end and he licks his bottom lip just as slow. You swallow hard. 

“Okay…” You whisper because what does everything mean? You’re so scared. You pull one arm into the sweatshirt slowly and Joel starts to talk. 

“I only saw her again ‘cause I didn’t think you wanted to see me.” He speaks quietly and calmly as you pull the other arm into the sweatshirt. Your finger the hem by your waist slowly and pull it up just an inch and expose the baby blue lace fabric that covers your skin. It’s so thin you’re immediately stricken with goosebumps as the cool air from the AC touches you. Joel keeps talking. “So… when you texted me those pictures— shiiit. I had to get outta there… but I knew I wasn’t gonna wanna see her again. So I told her that I had come over there to break things off… even though we weren’t really talking like we were about to break things off.” Joel admits quietly. 

“What were you talking about?” You almost coo to him even though you don’t really wanna know!! You pull the hem of your sweatshirt up another inch and the intricate, delicate design of the lace starts to appear. Blue isn’t really… your best color but it was just so pretty that you couldn’t stop looking at it while you were shopping for new bras. It was this blue color or pink— that looked worse on you. Joel sighs softly as he sees more of whatever you’re hiding from him under those baggy clothes. 

“Nothin’ crazy– honestly. Just tellin’ her ‘bout my day which I never do… then my phone goes off n’ I look at it… go wide eyed… and then tell her I don’t wanna see her anymore. She’s a lil confused. Probably a lil pissed off.” Joel shrugs his shoulders. “She knew what I wanted from her. Knew all along..” 

“You sure about that?” You pull the sweatshirt up and little higher and now the curve of your breast in the lace is visible. Joel makes an audible sound as he exhales. It’s not a groan or a moan. Barely a hum. It makes you smirk when he licks his lips again and has to readjust on the couch. He has to pull his jeans away from his groin with his fist. 

“She knows. Why you think that’s all our texts are ‘bout?” He nods his head towards the phone that is still ringing. She’s called him non stop. 

“You said it turns her on…” You pinch your brows and stop lifting your sweatshirt. Your nipples are just barely hidden. Joel speaks a little more rushed than he had been speaking earlier. 

“S’also the only type of text I respond to from her… We don’t talk outside of what happens in the bedroom.” He shrugs. 

“Okay. I don’t wanna talk about her anymore.” You grumble and feel annoyed and wanna put your clothes back on. 

“Okay. But that was the the first time I saw her since we stopped talkin’...” Joel trails off and lets you put the pieces together for yourself. He hasn’t slept with her since then.

“Again… how do I know you’re not lying?” You ask nervously, your arms are still hovering right below your chin, about to take the sweat shirt off but you had paused when you caught him in what you thought was another lie! 

“You ain’t gotta trust me. Really. I don’t care. It’ll just get annoying after a while.” Joel shrugs his shoulders and adjusts himself in his jeans carefully. “I gave you the all the evidence right there. Messages’ll show the last time I even liked one of those pictures she send…” Joel lifts his eyebrow. “I ain’t lyin’ to you, Little Birdie. Relax a little.” He whispers. “Show me how pretty you look.” He coos to you. 

You pull the sweatshirt off your body and toss it to the floor, covering Joel’s phone in the process. He grins stupidly. 

“Hell yeah.” He sounds happy, like… really happy with what he sees. “Got damn, you are fuckin’ beautiful. Them pictures didn’t do you justice.” He shakes his head no slowly. You’re blushing. So fucking hard.

“What else would you spit in my mouth?” You ask quietly as you hook your thumbs into the waistband of the sweatpants. Joel holds his hands up to you and speaks quickly. 

“Hold on!! Lemme get comfortable.” He stands quickly and undoes his belt and the button of his jeans quickly. You sigh as he pushes his pants to the floor and steps out of them so he’s just in his boxers and a black t-shirt. He looks so fucking hot. Fuck. You hate him for how attractive he is. “Okay… what did you ask me?” He asks, one of his strong hands slides to the bulge between his legs. 

“W-What else would s-spit in my mouth?” You’re stammering as you watch him tease himself through the fabric. His big– ridiculously big- hand gropes himself gently and just tugs. Pulling his cock away from his body as it continues to harden. You’re almost drooling because you forgot to swallow. You forgot everything. You don’t even know why you’re standing up here. You look down and remember you were doing something for him. Okay. 

“You like t’get freaky? You like it rought n’ shit? Kinda kinky?” He asks as his fist squeezes himself through his boxers gently.  You’ve never done anything even remotely kinky. Nothing. The most kinky thing you ever did was literally what you were doing right now…and what you did with the same man sitting in front of you, two weeks ago in his truck. So, apparently you do.

“Yes.” You answer quickly before it becomes a painfully long time of you being quiet, staring at him. He snorts softly and works on his erection slowly and gently. 

“Go just as slow with them pants… n’ maybe spin a lil so I can see the back when you bend over.” He orders gently with his cloth clad dick still in his hand. His voice is steady though. He’s not overly excited and you like that. 

“Okay.” You hook your thumbs in the waistband again and pull just the front of the waistband down and give him a little preview of your mound and the very top of your slit. Joel inhales sharply and his hips move a little on the couch but then settle. 

“So after I fuck you—” 

Joel says this so casually because he’s done it one thousand and ten times. So… it means nothing to him. But when he says I fuck you like that isn’t the most intense statement you’ve ever heard in your life. Especially because you’re seen his cock. It’s pretty big. You’re… inexperienced? Tight probably… going to be torn in half and now you’re so nervous but you listen to what this scary man is going to do to you after he fucks you.

“--I’ll probably come all over that fuckin’ pretty lil pussy—unless you’re on the pill…” He gives you a questioning look but you shake your head. He doesn’t care. “-doesn’t matter… after spread my come all over you, n’ make sure you feel what I did to you…” Joel pauses as you turn around so you’re back is to him– you wish he wouldn’t. You’re blushing so fucking hard he’s going to know you’re a virgin because what!? You’ve never heard anyone talk like that. Not even in porn. 

You read it in a fanfiction once!! You didn’t think people spoke like this in real life, Jesus fucking Christ. Okay. You push the back of the sweatpants down the curve of your ass and Joel groans softly in appreciation. You bend at the waist— who does that? Who takes their pants off this way? No one. You slowly let the gray fabric slide down your thighs, revealing the stockings your still have on. Joel gives you another slow, happy growl from his throat. 

“Then once you’re nice n’ sticky… I’ll go down there n’ clean you up.” Joel says simply. You look around at the wall and TV in front of you and frown. What does that mean? Where does the spitting come into it? You turn just your head and look at him over your shoulder. His cock is out of his boxers through that flap in the middle. He’s not even really stroking. Just holding his cock in his hand as he takes you in. He flicks his eyes to you frowning at him in confusion. “Lick you clean.” Joel clarifies for you. 

You have to snap your head back to the TV that isn’t on and try to keep your composure because what!? He wants to do what!? Lick his own release off your cunt after he fucks you and then he does what??

“Then you spit that into my mouth?” You figure it out for yourself but still need him to tell you as the sweatpants reach your ankles. 

“Yup. Love doin’ it.” He chuckles softly. “Dunno why, think it’s real hot.” He sighs as you stand straight and turn to face him even though your face is still beet red. You feel so badly that he's been so honest with you about everything. So upfront, too. Shit. You feel like such an asshole. You have to tell him. Have to before this gets too out of hand. You cannot let him fuck you and traumatize you!! You're already traumatized by Jackie Harris!! Shit!!!

“I’m a virgin..”

If you want to be added to the small tag list I have going, just let me know! (or you can tell me to go fuck myself)

Tag list: @untamedheart81 @creepycorbeaux @immyowndefender

[bluebladekatana]

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG

Part 13!

For the last few days the only time I can function, draw and work is at night. And summer nights are so fucking short jfhfhf

I hate summer -_-

Anyway. All the brothers are in the past now. In one way or another, at least haha

Part 1

[majesty31]

𝚆𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝙰𝚛𝚎 𝟹/?

𝒂/𝒏: 𝒉𝒆𝒚 𝒈𝒖𝒚𝒔, 𝑰 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒊𝒕'𝒔 𝒃𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒂 𝒉𝒐𝒕 𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒖𝒕𝒆 𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝑰 𝒑𝒐𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒓𝒚 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑰 𝒂𝒑𝒐𝒍𝒐𝒈𝒊𝒛𝒆 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕. 𝑰 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒅𝒊𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒘𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑰 𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒘𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒑𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝟒. 𝑺𝒐 𝒊𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒈𝒖𝒚𝒔 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒚 𝒊𝒅𝒆𝒂𝒔 𝒑𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒆 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒎𝒆𝒏𝒕 𝒊𝒕 𝒐𝒓 𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒅 𝒎𝒆 𝒂 𝒎𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒂𝒈𝒆. 𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒍𝒍, 𝒆𝒏𝒋𝒐𝒚

𝒔𝒖𝒎𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒚: 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒅 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒊𝒎𝒑𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒈𝒐𝒕 𝒊𝒎𝒑𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒐𝒏 𝒃𝒚 𝒂 𝒔𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒓, 𝒘𝒉𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒆𝒏𝒅 𝒖𝒑 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒕 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒐𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒕𝒘𝒐 𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒎𝒆𝒆𝒕. 𝑾𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒕𝒘𝒐 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒇𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒆𝒂𝒄𝒉 𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓? 𝑶𝒓 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒆𝒏𝒅 𝒖𝒑 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒂 𝒃𝒓𝒐𝒌𝒆𝒏 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕?

𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔/𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒄𝒕: 𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒆𝒓, 𝒔𝒘𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒄𝒓𝒚𝒊𝒏𝒈, 𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒆𝒍𝒔𝒆 𝑰 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒌

𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕: 𝟐.𝟒𝒌

← 𝑷𝒓𝒆𝒗𝒊𝒐𝒖𝒔 | 𝑵𝒆𝒙𝒕 →

The further Jacob drove from Emilys the more the pit in your stomach grew, the more you felt a sense of loneliness and incompletion. And if you were being completely honest you were freaking out. You tried to keep your mind off of it but it was only making you think about it more, your hands were fiddling with anything you found in the truck and your heartbeat was getting faster and faster.

Jacob was trying his best to keep you calm while also keeping himself calm as Bella kept asking if you were okay, but this led to both of them talking over each other and soon Bella started getting mad. After maybe 10 minutes of both of them arguing over what the hell just happened you snapped.

"Stop the truck!" You yelled, making both of them stop talking.

"We're in the middle of the bridge-"

"Stop the fucking truck!" The truck came to a halt on the side of the road and you were quick to get out of the stuffy cage. You took in a deep breath as you walked around the truck and onto the empty road. You felt overwhelmed with emotion, something you've never felt in your life and it scared the shit out of you.

You wanted to scream and shout, you wanted to take this awful feeling out of your chest and you wanted to punch Paul. Who even was Paul? You didnt know a single thing about him. Not one. And now Jacob was telling you that he was your soulmate. It was laughable.

Everything was laughable. And before you could stop yourself from acting like a crazy person you bursted out laughing, and you couldn't seem to stop yourself. You covered your mouth as Jake and Bella came closer to you.

When you looked up you saw where you were. It was the same bridge you stopped at when you saw Embry and the rest of the pack Cliff jumping. When you saw Paul Cliff jumping, and the thought of him made you start crying.

You felt Jake pull you towards him, he wrapped his arms around you as you put your face into his super warm chest. Yours hands were still covering your mouth as he hugged you tighter.

He kissed the top of your head before placing his cheek on your head, giving you maybe one of the best hugs you've ever received. You didn't even know how much you needed it until this moment.

~~~

Jacob stayed over that night, he was explaining imprinting in greater detail since now you were apart of it, since now you had been imprinted on. You weren't as freaked out anymore, you were more calm and collected.

Yes you did have a couple of mental breakdowns since being in your room, you honestly didn't know how to handle it. It didn't make sense to you how you accepted Vampires and Werewolves being real but this is where you freaked. Maybe because it involved you, and your life and your family.

The more Jacob explained the anger you got. Being imprinted on made it feel as if it wasn't your choice for whom you loved, and yes you could reject him but that would be so much worse for him then for you and you just couldn't do that to him. As much as you disliked him and even though you didn't know a thing about him you still felt connected to him in a way.

You groaned in annoyance once he finished explaining, and lied on your bed, looking up at the sealing. He only sighed as he lied beside you, you could feel his eyes on you but you just ignored him.

"How do you feel?" He finally asked after a long silence. You honestly didn't know how to answer that question. You felt so many emotions right now, angry, sad, conflicted. How was a person supposed to deal with this?

"I don't know," You said quietly. "How am I supposed to even feel? If its in love then no. No I don't feel in love. How am I supposed to even love a total stranger?" Jacob was quiet for a little, but he was still looking at you. You moved your gaze to him, and looked into his eyes.

You could tell he was hurt, sad, and confused, maybe even a little angry as well. The way he was looking at you was a way he never had before.

"I'm sorry. I wish you could've fallen in love the right way." He was silent for a little, as if trying to find the right words. "And I know you feel as if its not your choice but Y/N it is. Don't think about what this could mean for him, forget him completely. Think about you, and how your life will change,"

~~~

That night was a hard one. You don't even think you got an hour of sleep, the thoughts in your head kept you up the whole night and the future of your life made you wonder what you should do.

Common sense made you want to reject him, for the love of God you didn't even know the boy. You had only seen him once before this. And with that your mind was made up.

It took a couple of days before you agreed to meet with him. You would meet him at the bonfire that was being hosted by Billy, a bonfire you had always attended when you were a little kid.

If you were being completely honest you were a little nervous to see him again, and it took you forever to decide on what to wear that night. You didn't understand why you were this nervous, you hadn't felt this way since Christmas mornings as a kid.

Bella had come with you and Jacob, and as they were walking you had fallen behind. You looked nervously around the fire, trying to see the familiar face, and the feeling in your chest started getting stronger. And then it was like time had stopped all together, like everyone had vanished and it was just the two of you.

Paul looked up when he saw Seth run up to Jacob but his eyes found yours in an instant. You felt relived in the weirdest way possible, and you felt nervous, like he was the boy you'd been in love with since you were little, but it wasn't that case so why the hell did it feel like that?

You could see how nervous he was when his eyes slowly dragged down your body. You could see the way he blew out a breath before his eyes met yours again. You could see the confidence he had maybe 5 minutes ago leave his eyes, he looked scared and venerable. Like he knew what you would say to him.

"Y/N," You shifted your eyes away from Paul and looked towards Seth who was calling out your name, you had only met him a handful of times but he seemed like a good kid. "I heard about you and Paul and I just wanted to say that you should run-"

"Maybe you should run," You heard a deep voice say before he grabbed Seth by the shoulders and playful shoved him. Seth only laughed.

"You know I was just kidding." He looked towards you. "Or was I?" Seth started laughing when Paul tried grabbing for him again but Seth just ran away. Paul looked at you with soft eyes, something that made you take in a deep breath, and something that made the butterflies in your stomach go wild.

"You better stay a good distance away from her Paul-"

"Its okay," You said, smiling at Jacob who looked as if he wanted to punch Paul. Bella tried to hold in her laugh as she dragged Jake away. You gave Paul a small smile when you looked back at him and that smile made all his walls just crumple. He was different around you and he so desperately wanted to be the stone cold person he was before he set his eyes on you.

"Paul," You didn't know where to start. Or how to start. You didn't dare look into his eyes, because if you did you knew you'd never be able to say the words you had memorized in your head.

"Don't waste your time," He said, causing you to furrow your brows. You tilted your head, about to ask what he was talking about but he spoke first. "I never wanted someone like you to be my imprinter just like you never wanted to be with me,"

"Someone like me?" You knew you shouldn't care that he didn't want to be with you because you also didn't want him, but it was the way he said it, the way his face changed when he mentioned it. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means what I said. I don't like little girls who run around with 100 year old vampires. Ones who practically bag to be changed-"

"You have the wrong twin," You interrupted, clenching your fits. "I hate vampires just as much as yo-"

"Oh?" He raised his eyebrows, stepping closer towards you. "I've heard that you are dangerously close to a certain buff vampire," You scoffed, trying your best not to burst out laughing.

"Emmet? You've got to be joking. I couldn't care less about that idiot. And besides, why do you even care-"

"I don't,"

"You obviously do otherwise you wouldn't have brought it up-"

"I just don't like my imprint going near those things," His nose was almost brushing against yours. He was so close. Too close. You could tell he was mad, maybe even a little jealous. Protective. You didn't understand why, he made it clear how he doesn't want you.

"Well you can't tell me where I can and where I can't go. Or who I can and who I can't be with. I don't care if you imprinted on me or even if you peed on me to state your clam," You looked up into his eyes. "I am not yours. You don't have any clam to me and you never will," You backed away, never breaking eye contact as you made your way past him and towards Jacob and Bella.

As you neared your eyes spotted Jacobs little pack, all sitting together near the fire. Embry's eyes fell on you and he gave a small wave and a smile, which you returned. Although your smiled faded quickly when Paul sat down with them. You turned away the second he looked towards you.

"I'm guessing things didn't go well?" Jacob asked when you came and sat down next to them.

"Nope. I've never met anyone so." You couldn't even think of a word to discribe him, all you knew was you did not like him a bit.

"Yeah I know what you mean. But he gets better the more you know him," Jacob gave you an apologetic look as he rubbed your back. You didn't believe a word of that, from what you saw Paul was hot headed and might even have bipolar. Whatever it was, you wanted nothing to do with it, and even though the conversation didn't go as planed he got what you were trying to put across.

Your eyes slowly shifted towards Paul, and for some odd reason disappointment filled your senses. He was an attractive boy, you couldn't lie to yourself about that, and he may not be the type of guys you go for but something was different about him. Maybe it was the imprinting talking but it all felt to real for it to be just that.

Your breathing picked up in pace when his eyes connected with your own. There is was again, those stupid feelings you can't explain, you wanted to just rip them out of you and throw them as far away as you could because they were just too intense when they started. But you also loved the way they felt, they felt right in a way.

You were just too new to all of this, and no matter how much Jacob talked about or explained it you were still confused. You wanted to understand it so maybe you would be able to control the feelings for they made you feel like you're going crazy.

You could see Paul's demeanour change the more he looked at you, as if all his roughness and hard energy wasn't there anymore. He looked almost vulnerable, and lost. Just as lost as you. But then out of nowhere, his eyes hardened and turned cold which caused you to almost physically flinch.

You furrowed your brows but turned away nonetheless. You felt almost hurt by the mode switch and you had no idea why. You didn't want him, in fact you were the one to say it first. So why the hell did you care if he felt the same way about you?

You clenched your jaw, your eyes boring into the fire that everyone was seated around. You couldn't hear what Billy was saying, but you had heard the story about a-hundred times when you were younger.

But you also couldn't sit here while Paul was right across from you. Everything about him just pissed you off and you weren't one to get mad easy or dislike someone as much as you did Paul.

So you excused yourself, not looking at anyone as you made your way towards the house. You took a deep breath in as you entered the house, trying to relax yourself by rolling your shoulders back and letting your head fall against the wall behind you.

You felt so tense, which is yet another thing you never had problems with. But it seemed Paul brought all of those out, or he just made new ones.

You got off the wall with a sigh and headed to the kitchen, where you grabbed yourself a bottle of water from the fridge. But just as you were about to twist the cap off you heard the click of a door. Your heart beat picked up a little as you looked around the empty house, your hand slowly pushing the fridge door closed before you silently crept to the front door.

But no one was there. You swore you heard the door close, but it could very easily have been your mind playing tricks on you. You have been quite tense today after all.

You turned around, about to go back to the kitchen but right as you took a step forward someone stepped into your line of sight.

………

Taglist

@batmanunicorns523 @lenasvoid @moonie-flower101 @sugasthreedollarkookie @moon-zoons @cookiemonstercrunchsstuff @audigay @alexandra-001 @leeknows-wife

[eu-ca-tas-tro-phe]

my favorite percabeth moments because there’s so many i need a list:

- “you drool when you sleep” iconic. first percabeth line and it’s perfect (like them)

- seaweed brain & wise girl are iconic ofc, but when thalia calls percy seaweed brain and he’s like “it’s only okay when annabeth calls me that”

- when annabeth fell off the cliff and percy had to be held back by the hunters to stop him from going over after her

- when annabeth was in danger and all he could think about was saving her and he joined the quest without permission to do so and all he cared about was her

- when aphrodite visited percy and he said she looked like annabeth. you’ve gotta be shitting me.

- when aphrodite told him that they’re the first interesting love story in ages and how she’s invested in their love story. soulmates for real.

- when percy and annabeth danced at the school and then later on olympus he said they never finished their dance and they danced again

- how percy and annabeth had movie plans and sally said it was a date and percy panicked and said it wasn’t a date

- WHEN SHE TAKES A KNIFE FOR HIM AND HE STANDS OVER HER BODY SWINGING HIS SWORD AND SCREAMS “NOBODY TOUCHES HER!” when men go feral over seeing their love hurt it always slaps, my favorite micro trope.

- then when all he does is get her to safety and drags will to heal her and then everyone knows to give them privacy and she tells him “you’re cute when you’re worried”

- how they’re always hugging and telling each other to be careful and always worried about each other

- how annabeth is in danger and just knows to throw her dagger in the water and percy immediately is there and just takes everyone down

- how he thought of annabeth to tie himself to humanity when he bathed in the river stix

- how he jumped into tartarus with her (sorry but my roman empire is how she fell because of her hubris and him his loyalty, like their fatal flaws really dragged them to hell)

- percy jealous of luke and annabeth jealous of calypso and rachel

- annabeth kissing percy in the forge before percy blew it up

- the “don’t i get a kiss for good luck? it’s kind of tradition, right?” afterwards too, like the fucking rizzzzz my dude

- annabeth not knowing who the prophecy meant (percy or luke) by “lose a love to a fate worse than death”

- also when percy asked annabeth about the last line in the prophecy and she started to cry and held out her arms and he hugged her and told her it’ll be okay

- the whole camp being like fucking finally (mood) when percabeth finally kissed and then threw them in the lake to have “the best underwater kiss of all time”

- annabeth breaking the rules and sitting next to percy at lunch

- the fact that after hera wiped his memories he still could remember annabeth

- their reunion and “they kissed, and for a moment nothing else mattered. an astrid could have hit the planet and wiped out all life, and annabeth wouldn’t have cared”

- them falling asleep together in the stables on the argo

- both of their reactions when the other one was offered immortality and them turning it down for each other

- percy having a picture of annabeth in his school binder like guys they weren’t even dating yet😭😭😭

- him holding up the sky for her and then them having matching white streaks in their hair afterwards🤍