#school do be making writing hard
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Will you ever continue your Miles Quaritch fic and Jotaro?
Hiya dear! Certainly I will!
For Jotaro, now that I made it through the college year I will soon start working on the next chapter of Break and Defend! Because I’ve kept everyone waiting way too long and I also wanna hit the 50 chapter mark finally ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
As for Quaritch, I need to get back into Avatar a bit, but given I just recently bought Frontiers of Pandora, I do think my silly brain neurons will be quickly activated again for it 😳😳
So yeah, it is coming
#hih answers#school do be making writing hard#but now I am FREEEEEEEEE#But I also have a few commissions to write so it’ll be a busy few weeks ;3
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the thing about art is that it was always supposed to be about us, about the human-ness of us, the impossible and beautiful reality that we (for centuries) have stood still, transfixed by music. that we can close our eyes and cry about the same book passage; the events of which aren't real and never happened. theatre in shakespeare's time was as real as it is now; we all laugh at the same cue (pursued by bear), separated hundreds of years apart.
three years ago my housemates were jamming outdoors, just messing around with their instruments, mostly just making noise. our neighbors - shy, cautious, a little sheepish - sat down and started playing. i don't really know how it happened; i was somehow in charge of dancing, barefoot and laughing - but i looked up, and our yard was full of people. kids stacked on the shoulders of parents. old couples holding hands. someone had brought sidewalk chalk; our front walk became a riot of color. someone ran in with a flute and played the most astounding solo i've ever heard in my life, upright and wiggling, skipping as she did so. she only paused because the violin player was kicking his heels up and she was laughing too hard to continue.
two weeks ago my friend and i met in the basement of her apartment complex so she could work out a piece of choreography. we have a language barrier - i'm not as good at ASL as i'd like to be (i'm still learning!) so we communicate mostly through the notes app and this strange secret language of dancers - we have the same movement vocabulary. the two of us cracking jokes at each other, giggling. there were kids in the basement too, who had been playing soccer until we took up the far corner of the room. one by one they made their slow way over like feral cats - they laid down, belly-flat against the floor, just watching. my friend and i were not in tutus - we were in slouchy shirts and leggings and socks. nothing fancy. but when i asked the kids would you like to dance too? they were immediately on their feet and spinning. i love when people dance with abandon, the wild and leggy fervor of childhood. i think it is gorgeous.
their adults showed up eventually, and a few of them said hey, let's not bother the nice ladies. but they weren't bothering us, they were just having fun - so. a few of the adults started dancing awkwardly along, and then most of the adults. someone brought down a better sound system. someone opened a watermelon and started handing out slices. it was 8 PM on a tuesday and nothing about that day was particularly special; we might as well party.
one time i hosted a free "paint along party" and about 20 adults worked quietly while i taught them how to paint nessie. one time i taught community dance classes and so many people showed up we had to move the whole thing outside. we used chairs and coatracks to balance. one time i showed up to a random band playing in a random location, and the whole thing got packed so quickly we had to open every door and window in the place.
i don't think i can tell you how much people want to be making art and engaging with art. they want to, desperately. so many people would be stunning artists, but they are lied to and told from a very young age that art only matters if it is planned, purposeful, beautiful. that if you have an idea, you need to be able to express it perfectly. this is not true. you don't get only 1 chance to communicate. you can spend a lifetime trying to display exactly 1 thing you can never quite language. you can just express the "!!??!!!"-ing-ness of being alive; that is something none of us really have a full grasp on creating. and even when we can't make what we want - god, it feels fucking good to try. and even just enjoying other artists - art inherently rewards the act of participating.
i wasn't raised wealthy. whenever i make a post about art, someone inevitably says something along the lines of well some of us aren't that lucky. i am not lucky; i am dedicated. i have a chronic condition, my hands are constantly in pain. i am not neurotypical, nor was i raised safe. i worked 5-7 jobs while some of these memories happened. i chose art because it mattered to me more than anything on this fucking planet - i would work 80 hours a week just so i could afford to write in 3 of them.
and i am still telling you - if you are called to make art, you are called to the part of you that is human. you do not have to be good at it. you do not have to have enormous amounts of privilege. you can just... give yourself permission. you can just say i'm going to make something now and then - go out and make it. raquel it won't be good though that is okay, i don't make good things every time either. besides. who decides what good even is?
you weren't called to make something because you wanted it to be good, you were called to make something because it is a basic instinct. you were taught to judge its worth and over-value perfection. you are doing something impossible. a god's ability: from nothing springs creation.
a few months ago i found a piece of sidewalk chalk and started drawing. within an hour i had somehow collected a small classroom of young children. their adults often brought their own chalk. i looked up and about fifteen families had joined me from around the block. we drew scrangly unicorns and messed up flowers and one girl asked me to draw charizard. i am not good at drawing. i basically drew an orb with wings. you would have thought i drew her the mona lisa. she dragged her mother over and pointed and said look! look what she drew for me and, in the moment, i admit i flinched (sorry, i don't -). but the mother just grinned at me. he's beautiful. and then she sat down and started drawing.
someone took a picture of it. it was in the local newspaper. the summary underneath said joyful and spontaneous artwork from local artists springs up in public gallery. in the picture, a little girl covered in chalk dust has her head thrown back, delighted. laughing.
#writeblr#warm up#this is longer than i wanted i really considered removing that part about myself and what i went thru#but i think it really fucking bothers me that EVERY time i talk about being an artist#ppl assume i just like. had the skill and ability to drop everything and pay for grad school.#like sir i grew up poor. my house wasn't a safe space. i gave up a FREE RIDE TO LAW SCHOOL. for THIS. bc i chose it.#was it fucking hard? was i choosing the hard thing?? yes.#but we need to stop seeing artists as lazy layabouts that can ''afford'' to just ''sit around and create''#when MANY - if not MOST - of us are NOT like that. we have to work our fucking ASSES off. hard work. long and hard work#part of valuing artists is recognizing the amount we sacrifice to make our art. bc it doesn't just#like HAPPEN to us. also btw it rarely has anything to do with true talent.#speaking as someone with a chronic condition i hate when ppl are like u have it easy. like actively as i'm writing this my hands r#ACTIVELY hurting me. i haven't been posting bc my left hand was curled in a claw for the last week#this isn't fucking luck. after a certain point it's not even TALENT. it's dedication & sacrifice.#''u get to flounce around and do nothing with ur life'' is a narrative that is a direct result of capitalism#imagine if we said that about literally any other profession.#''oh so u give up 10 yrs of ur life to be a doctor? u sacrifice having a social life and u get SUPER in debt?#u need to work countless hours and it will often be thankless? well i wish i was that lucky''#we should be applying that logic to landlords ONLY#''oh ur mom and dad gave u the money to buy a house? and all u did was paint it white and rent it? huh.''
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Note for someone to turn into a story: one way to give the middle generation/s on a generation ship a purpose in life, aside from "raise the children whose children will eventually land on the colony world," could be as creators of art and story. Music too.
Just imagine: you have your whole life ahead of you with all the training and materials of this vast spaceship at your disposal, and all of society plans to revere the creative masterpieces you and your peers come up with.
No pressure.
But yes possibility.
#somebody write about that#I haven't heard this story before#generation ships#they always feel like such a depressing concept#because nobody ever plans anything for the middle generations to DO#but what if they were the Shakespeares#the Rennaissance artists#the ones able to create a vast body of work over their lifespans#the best of which would become required reading in schools#for centuries to come#it wouldn't be hard to arrange#a few regular contests for quality#a good system for recording and preserving#and the leadership makes the best readily available to society#bingo bango you've got some new classics#to go along with the old ones from humanity's original home world#wouldn't that be something#writing prompts#in spaaace
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its prosecutor jiang wanyin!!!! oh fuck!!! / gifs + au rambling below the cut / follow for more mdzs x aa crossover stuff :3
all the gifs i made (poses traced off franziska):
hes so similar to franziska when you think about it. theyre both deeply insecure tsundere adoptive younger sibling of successful main characters. who carry whips. something something edgeworth choosing death and wwx actually dying also
his share code is HWFEFF if you wanna use him in a trial! you can't share backgrounds but heres the scenery from the donghua i used.
the easiest way to put custom stuff into objection.lol is to send it in discord and then use the link from opening it in your browser :)
a whole lot of AU stuff
the art im making is for if mdzs was an ace attorney game, playing from WWX's POV to solve various mysteries/cases over the course of the plot. so this scene would be from turnabout goddess, which would loosely cover the dafan mountain mystery.
cases include:
Turnabout Revenge (Mo Manor, quick introductory first case)
Turnabout Goddess (Dafan mountain, the good times flashback)
Turnabout Saber (the man-eating castle (omg hiii nhs))
The Blind Turnabout (Yi City arc)
Turnabout Deviation (the Koi Tower conference, Empathy on NMJ ala turnabout memories or beginnings. opening cutscene is his qi deviation)
The Blood-Soaked Turnabout (second Burial Mounds siege, flashbacks: Xuanwu, Sunshot, YLLZ, Nightless City massacre)
Turnabout Lotus Seeds (testimony about JGY, tree scene, golden core reveal, bathtub scene. opening cutscene could be JGS' death but that would make it canon rather than ambiguous)
Turnabout Confession (Guanyin temple)
the problem with splitting novel!mdzs into turnabouts is that flashbacks are a huge chunk of the book but they don't have mysteries/ cases to solve so they've gotta be lumped together with present day stuff. imo? many of the flashbacks would likely have to be abridged so they could be retold ala DL-6, SL-9, or the fourth grade incident, where characters talk about it over some pieces of art. this is really difficult when theres a metric ton of unspoken, complex, and signifcant history between every character lmao
there's not as much of a problem with the cql timeline but i have not finished it. so.
the opening cutscenes in ace attorney always show the murder and/or the murderer plotting. the first cutscene of the game would be MXY summoning WWX, muttering about getting revenge on his family (it would also be good for him to mention the yllz being dead because that's how the novel starts.) cut to WWX's POV as he wakes up covered in blood and the investigation segment begins.
for investigations of monsters (goddess, saber, etc) the cutscene would be a scene of some poor throwaway cultivator getting their shit wrecked.
it would be cool to make a breakdown for JGY but again I need to review that scene cause I don't know who I'd base him on. maybe Vasquez or Dahlia.
tell me your thoughts!! i'm working off of a mdzs summary/ skimming the novel because i don't remember it too well so if i get anything wrong please yell at me
Jin Ling's sprites & Nie Huaisang's sprites / masterpost
#PLEAAAASE send it to me if you do actually use my animations in a case🥺#here im adapting mdzs to aa gameplay rather than making a mdzs AU where they are lawyers#so jiang cheng is not a prosecutor in this hes just angry. and on the right side of the screen#that man has not graduated law school but then again no one in ace attorney has either#the names are based off of how ace attorney cases are either named after a distinctive item/location (bigtop bridge samurai etc)#or the main emotional/character type thing that happens (goodbyes reminiscence farewell)#the mdzs/aa au where the stories get blended (ie my tags on the nhs post) is very interesting but i would have to think about it very hard#and i dont want to . i would rather think about what the court record would look like (its full of severed limbs)#MDZS' EXPLORATIONS OF MORALITY MAKE ME CHEW ON ROCKS#urrgh i got carried away writing this post & wrote a couple hundred words comparing aa and mdzs' attitudes towards morality & public opinio#i could write an essay on this topic tbh.#can i call this an au? its the same story in the same universe just in a different format. hmm#mdzs#aa#art#mo dao zu shi#ace attorney#grandmaster of demonic cultivation#cql#the untamed#jiang cheng#jin ling#objection.lol#flashing image tw#pixel art#animation#my art#franziska von karma#i guess??#mdzs aa au
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just learned that David Jenkins’ first show, People of Earth, aired for two seasons and was greenlit for a third, and he scripted the entire third season before the network changed its mind and cancelled it. That is fucking maddening actually.
#bit of a personal rant in the tags here:#I went to school for creative writing and graduated last May#and I got that degree because I want to be a screenwriter#im not doing anything in that field rn because it’s SO hard to get into that industry even at an amateur level#but seeing people who are already in the industry like djenks who are also WAY more talented than me#getting constantly sidelined for the sake of corporate greed#it’s just so goddamn disheartening#it makes it hard to even want to *try* to break into that industry anymore#because like. what’s the point#if anything remotely envelope pushing or interesting or original is cancelled prematurely then what’s the fucking point!#anyway. gonna go check out this show I think#people of earth#david jenkins#save ofmd
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h-how do you ever finish any of your work? genuine question because you seem to be productive despite your agreste syndrome and I need to learn your ways. but also how do you ever finish any of your work
unclear. last night i stayed up and finished a report worth 25% of my grade at about 5am, arrived on time for my 9am lecture, and spent about half of it zoned out while thinking about seventeen year old emilie agreste. and i was one of the most active participants in the class discussion
#in some ways it IS the move to go to grad school right out of undergrad#because your body can still sort of operate like a college kid#i’m on about 3ish hours of sleep rn and this morning it felt SO over but now i’ve eaten something and we’re so back#i also don’t really do caffeine. except sometimes i’ll go get one of those panera death lemonades#i might be able to snag a short nap before work#but anyway about seventeen year old emilie. i was thinking abt how she was in that movie solitude and adrien said she was seventeen#WAIT. NO. HE SAID SHE WAS SEVENTEEN IN THAT PHOTO ON HIS DESKTOP NOT IN THE MOVIE#well. okay whatever i’m gonna tell you what i was thinking about anyway#OKAY i’m back i just checked the wikipedia page and then i watched the end of gorizilla. to make sure i’m not lying. because i’m normal.#anyway i was thinking about the solitude film and how it’s super rare and old and obscure and whatever. and how apparently#emilie wrote it herself and andre produced it#and i’m thinking about how gabe was discovered by audrey and that’s how he got his start in the fashion industry#so now i’m like?? did gabe and emilie first meet on the set of solitude? because gabe was designing costumes or whatever?#and that’s how audrey found him? have people already thought about this??#also i just checked and it doesn’t say emilie’s last name in the credits and also it’s ‘graham films’ with the twin rings logo m#so i’m assuming she’s still emilie graham de vanily at that point#anyway it comes back to seventeen year old emilie because i started imagining seventeen year old runaway emilie having her new life in pari#after escaping her british nobility life#and the first thing she does is write and star in an original movie. of course.#and she meets this repressed bisexual punk upstart costume designer who is so the opposite of everyone she’s ever known#and he’s immediately so unhealthily obsessed with her. which she appreciates.#and then they proceed to have the most toxic doomed evil relationship of all time#also she gets cheated because once gabe gets money he represses himself SO hard that he is now exactly like all the people emilie grew up w#but at least he’s still obsessed with her#this is what i was thinking about during class today. i don’t know how i get anything done either.#ml#anna rambles#asks
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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Maybe I'll fuck around and get a creative writing degree who knows
#Ive Wanted to Go Back to School For A While TBH But I Cant Find A Different Path That TRULY Appeals to Me#And That I Dont Find Interest In Or Disinterest In Thanks to My Mother LMAO#I Went First For Psychology and She Demoralized Me So Hard I Dropped Out. And Then Later She Encouraged Me to#Go For An Accounting Degree. And Like Yeah I Like Numbers and Accounting Stuff But It's Not Something#I See Myself Doing For the Rest of My Life Yaknow? and Like. Creative Writing Is the One Thing Im Good at and KNOW Im Good At#Like Theres Always Room for Improvement Obvs But I Think I Have Spent a Long While Making Myself At Least Good#IDK I Think Im Ready to Be In An Academic Environment Again I Love My Writing Groups But#alex has the floor
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just found out that jungkook interacts with people who aren’t me
#cold cruel world out there tsk tsk#also lil life update friends !#working full time n going to school full time n also doing extracurricular activities is really not the move#i struggle w toxic productivity and it’s really really destroyed my mental and physical health#so ive busted my behind to save up enough money#to be able to support myself on a part time work schedule until i graduate woohoo !#hoping to have more time to indulge in hobbies#which includes being on here and writing and interacting#i miss you all dearly#ty for everything#like the fact that yall still send sweet things in my inbox when ive been p inactive for like this whole year is super nice and sweet and ye#im sorry i haven’t been responding#but i read them and they do make my day and i love you#and i hope to pick things up again soon#glimpse of us is going to be a banger i fear#ive sat on it for so long that ive perfected this storyline#from metaphors to small details to foreshadowing to non linear storytelling that all forms together in the ends yep#just need to write it which is the hard part 👉👈#but im excited#this the type of story to leave you in a funk for a few days lol and im so excited to share#hope you’re all doing well#and you are also prioritizing your health and well-being#you deserve time for yourself#not even deserve tbh#it’s legit a necessity like pls#you deserve it
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chapter 1 of reassassination's nearly done script-wise! hopefully the next chapters won't take like 6 months of on-and-off work to complete lol
#but i have GOOD REASON as to why it took so long#1. i had no clue how exactly to write the characters and they literally swapped characterisation with every scene#luckily now i've solidified krankenstein as a paranoid control freak#and octavia as a superficially cool girl with a sailor's mouth and zero social awareness#honestly its so hard to explain her chara. basically: character who seems stoic and cool and mysterious but is actually just super autistic#2. i had NO CLUE how and when to expose information#now chapter 1 only gives a superficial look at krank and octavia's characters and the most basic info about postmortem#and the “rules” of octavia (perfect pendant etc)#and 3. i was writing it like a standalone for a while#i had to put a lot of changes into the script in order to turn the chapter into the foundation for a few opening “mini-arcs”#of which will give a lot of characterisation and purpose into postmortem highschool characters#like onion and jaundice#rather than being kind of disconnected like before#anyway now that im nearly done all i need to do is FINALFINALFINALise the designs#(which will probably have a shit ton more changes to make em actually drawable over and over again)#and design environments and props (like krankenstein medical clinic and postmortem as a whole)#even so i only want to start releasing the comic when at least a quarter of the scripts are done and the story is 100% finalised#i have a lot of freedom being out of school right now so i want to write as much as possible#so i guess it will release around late 2025 or mid 2026 in the best case scenario assuming something insane doesnt happen to me
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if i have to sit through one more conversation in which i have to listen to someone chirp about the benefits of AI, i am going to stab someone
#my teacher is gonna make us have an AI unit 😨😨#what the fuck even is an AI unit#this is ethnic studies#and every time i have to sit there and act like the other person has a point when they're all just saying the exact same thing#“oh but it's impressive” yeah that's cause it's copied off the uncredited works of actual writers you dumbass#“yeah but i just use it to write quick emails” that's so fucking embarrassing what do you mean you can't write a fucking email#“i only use it as a tool” a tool for what? generative AI is a sad inefficient excuse of a 'tool' just use google it's not that hard#it's actually quite sickening not even gonna lie#i'll be talking to people who are supposed to be good at their job#and fully grown adults who i expect to be at least moderately competent when it comes to writing and they're out here relying on chatgpt#and i'll see people using chatgpt as a source too#like what happened to citing our sources? what happened to using credible sites? chatgpt is not a source#this is like basic middle school level media literacy#and not only that#but what also disgusts me is that these people don't even seem to care that AI is awful for the planet#it doesn't matter if your ugly fucking art is draining a whole goddamn lake because it's “pretty” and “impressive”#fucking hell#give me a break#fuck generative ai#me and the homies hate ai#anti ai#mxpotatoposts#jesus christ these tags are like 10 times longer than my actual post lmao
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sorry but i'm going to need everyone to stop writing autistic / "gifted" (in quotes because i hate that term) characters who were little baby geniuses that skipped grades and graduated as valedictorian and were every teacher's pet because it's the most unrealistic shit ever and kind of just perpetuates this ableist misconception when in reality most autistic / gifted kids are more likely to be abused and exploited and bullied (both by peers and teachers), especially if they are not rich and especially if they are not white
#delete later.#i don't wanna fuck w anyone's characterization but i see this trope being written far too often#and i need people to acknowledge how harmful is actually is because the reality of what happens is really bleak#i know most people just aren't aware that it's harmful and aren't being malicious#but please talk to any person who actually experienced being a gifted autistic child#i can almost promise you that very few have good things to say about their school experience#i'm very sensitive about it because being that kid and experiencing certain things still affects me to this day#and it is something that is currently affecting my best friend's little sister who is in middle school#please if you aren't sure how to write these characters you can literally come ask me questions (even if we aren't mutuals)#i won't sugarcoat it bc i do want people to understand the reality#like pleeeeease i am begging bc its just getting so hard to see everyone make this mistake again and again#SORRY FOR THE RANT. I REALLY HAD TO SAY IT#rant tw /
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sorry to anyone who's waiting for a reply ic / ooc from me i am Struggling now that it gets dark at 3pm here 😔
#feeling very uninspired lately and anxious over school which im def falling behind in 🫠#i also get performance anxiety over my writing??? idk if anyone else can relate but i obsess so much over it sounding good#it makes it hard to actually write NSNDNS#sorry for this rant i hope ur all doing better than i am lol!!! mwah#* OOC.
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i cant explain it but daigo being subtitled to just be like 'you're making me look like i have no balls' feels so illegal and wrong. hilarious but something's off
#snap chats#WAIT I HAVE TO INTERRUPT THIS POST WITH THE FUNNIEST SHIT#SO I WAS GETTING FOOD FROM MY SCHOOL'S DINING HALL AND YOU CAN WRITE DOWN WHAT YOU WANT ON A SHEET YEAH#AND I SAID I WANTED A SAMMY AND FRIES OK BUT WHEN I GET MY PLATE ITS JUST FRIES#AND YK W/E OK I'LL JUST EAT THAT BUT THEN. WHILE IM LIKE. GETTING PIZZA TO SUB IT YEAH#I HEAR THE COOKS BE LIKE 'yoo why do we just have a sandwich here' AND THE BIN IT#AND I WAS LIKE 'was that a chicken sandwich cause uhhh <:)' AND THE WOMAN WAS JUST ':OOO IM SO SORRY'#LIKE DAWG /IM/ SRRY I FEEL BADLKAJLJ but yeah. they were nice enough to make me another one 😭#ok. back on topic with this fuckin post SORRY. i just have all these potatoes and a pizza to eat with this sadnwich now#i didnt eat breakfast or lunch so its ok. moving on#watch me explain it lol. i think its just cause its hard fr me to imagine daigo even saying balls like that. in jp or english#like he just doesnt have the Oomph to do it like the kansai bitches#see this how i know jo from kansai.... that easy as balls to imagine...#LIKEIM TELLING YOU THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO CAN SAY BALLS AND MEAN IT ARE KANSAI/EAST COAST BITCHES#in regards to eng its the accent... you just put a heavy mphasis on the b yk... any east coast bitches know what im talkin bout#or am i insane.it could be both idk#its cause in context he looks so meek like no !!!!! you dont be shy about balls talk !!!!!!!#I JUST IMAGINE HIM SAYING IT SO POLITE LIKE NO !!!! YOU HAVE TO SAY IT WITH FEELING. WITH YOUR BALLS#anyway daigo bb ily and i care for you but youre not hard enough to say balls#which is the most insaane thing i could say considering Daigo And His History but yk... im right...
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Lineup of all of the characters that appear long enough to need a visual representation of them in the game lol
#I added a few people that you can randomly run into around town (like at the inn or in the forest or etc) and have very short conversations#with just to kind of flesh out the world a little more in a more natural-ish seeming way. Like nobody in the main cast would really#have much reason to talk about the actual city you're in or anything. Since most of them havent lived there that long anyway.#But if there's a ''city inspector'' that you can run into whilst he's writing up notes examining the local inn. then maybe there could be a#few dialogue options with him where you can ask about things like that. since he would know more about the area as an offical Government#Worker or etc. Optional of course. since I have to be so wary of my natural inclination to lore dump lol and am trying extra hard to make i#all stuff thats easily avoided/skipped. But for the people like ME who deliberately choose to exhaust every possible optional dialogue#option and explore every single inch of the world and try to collect as much information as possible - then there are a few extra places to#do that. Though obviously not all of them just give exposition for like 15 paragraphs blandly. Some you don't really learn anything from#and it's kind of just.. random flavor to make the non-shop map locations more ''lived in'' feeling. Like the random#little girl you can talk to in the park doesn't bizarrely start reading out the wikipedia description of some War that happened 10 years ag#or whatever. she's just complains about school a little and asks if you've tried the nearby ice cream cart treats and etc lol#ANYWAY..#some of the art is so so evil but I'm not going to spend 800 years trying to clean it up and update it. whatever the hell mess I sketched#out in 2018 or whatever is just what I'm keeping lol... it is what it is#One of the many trials of the whole 'briefly work a few months on something and then abandon it almost entirely only to pick up work#on it literally like 4 - 5 yrs later and now you must contend with trying to decipher whatever weird shit you did years ago' experience lol#Also given the population breakdowns of the world in general I think there's an unrealistic amount of jhevona in this lineup since#they're a much rarer species to just see out and about anywhere but.. it IS a global trading center type area. and the game#takes place in the north (the country of Asen. near the coast. for the maybe 2 or less people who actually keep up with my worldbuilding#enough to know where that is lol (the same continent as Navyete (where the avirre'thel live)) and there's a decent concentration#of nothern jhevona only a short ways away so... tee hee..I shall pretend it makes sense and not merely me just wanting#to represent more of that species because I think their lore is interesting lol#I MEAN also realistically there would NOT be a human here because humans are extremely isolated species that don't even know the rest#of the world exists really and human territories are extremely protected from the outside world but... of course it's like.. well we need#at least One of them to be there for the Optional Lore. Same with the Ythrili. But at least those are like.. PLAUSIBLE.. not nonsensically#outlandish. If I had a Verrucalt or something in there THEN that would be truly lore-breaking almost lol#ANYWAY.. rambling that only means anything to me because nobody else knows what I'm even referencing but hbjh#also I think my character designs are so funny in the sense that I really do just love to do the same thing over and over again ghbjh#wow... random asymmetry and belts and arm straps and high collars where the neck is completely covered?? you dont say..how novel
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TW: Trauma. Advice appreciated!
Is my PTSD just severe for no reason, or does anyone else with PTSD have a trauma reaction to even the smallest daily tasks?
Like... I'm reading a training module for my career and feel like I'm getting acid poured on an open wound with how much anxiety and shame I'm experiencing. Eg:
"This module is about my career > oh god they sound so smart and qualified. You'll never be smart and qualified > everyone will be able to tell you're different. You'll have social anxiety moment and you'll be awkward. How could you ever think you could do this? Shame. Shame. Shame. > I feel like someone is watching me, they're watching over me right now doing this module and sneering, they judge me, they're judging me, I feel hatred and rejection from all around me > You'll fail at your job and people are going to get HURT and it'll be because you're too incompetent to do shit right, you can't protect anyone just like you couldn't protect them as a kid > you're selfish. You're a fraud > I can't do this, I feel helpless, I hate myself > please god someone kill me the anxiety and shame burns. It hurts > I cant do this I tap out (closes my laptop)"
^ like that. This happens with eeeeeeeverything. And it impedes my daily function. I don't really know what to do when this happens.
What do you guys do?
#i actually do need advice on this which is why i'm posting it#it also makes it really hard to read or write when im stuck like this#it makes school extremely painful#🐇 rambles
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