#saying no to toxic family members without guilt

[blackgirlslivingwell]

Learn How To Start Saying NO!

Today, we're going to address something that a lot of women struggle with, which is saying "NO!" Learning to say no is essential for protecting your time, energy, and overall well-being. Let's explore how to master this art!

[agent-cupcake]

Amen

Pairing: Suguru Geto x f! Reader

Synopsis: No matter the severity of your actions, Suguru would never actually hurt a member of his sorcerer family. Luckily, there are other ways he can think of to punish you. It's for your own good.

Warnings: Explicit smut, dubcon, possessive behavior, manipulation

Tags: Punishment, edging, orgasm denial, overstimulation, dirty talk, vibrators, bondage, orgasm torture, cunnilingus, humiliation

Word Count: 10.4k

Notes: This story is for @laurenzel. I think this can be almost seen as a companion to my previous Gojo story since there's similar toxic motives and means used by the men, but a difference in method.

“Would you care to join me tonight?” was what Geto said to you, smiling so sweetly, so gently. He said it like an offer, or a question, but you both knew the answer. It was the same as it had been since the very first time he asked, since the first time he kissed you, since the first night you spent together.

And you, finally given direction in the big, confusing world, couldn’t even conceive of saying no to Geto. You didn’t have to do, say, or think anything on your own—just follow him. And you did. Happily, you did, thinking nothing of the offer other than how pleased you were that he asked. 

Chills prickled over your bare arms and legs when you walked into his room. The air felt a few degrees too cool, especially when you were accustomed to the August heat. Everything about his room seemed cold. It was furnished in stark contrast to the simple, traditional temple façade the rest of the complex maintained outwardly. Black painted walls, a hard floor, and ebony furniture upholstered with dark leathers and suedes. There was a flat, modern utilitarianism to the room despite its luxury, all at once inviting and off putting. The silky black sheets and dusky saturation of velvety vanilla and citrus lent a sex appeal to the room that you inextricably associated with Geto.

“Will you help me with this?” he asked, gesturing to his clothes. 

“Yes, of course,” you said, rushing to his side to help him undress. Even though the vestments Geto wore were for show, the articles were genuine and required careful handling. A perfect costume needed to be authentic. You unfastened the kasaya first, hanging it up. 

“I think,” he said while your hands were busy, “we need to talk about what you did.” 

You paused, turning to him with your brow furrowed, your stomach dropping in response to the accusatory tone of his voice. “What did I do?” 

“You killed Kurokawa.” 

Your frown deepened, your chest tightening with a harsh burst of guilt. “How do you know that?” 

Geto raised an eyebrow. That was the wrong thing to ask, it made you look more guilty than you were. Besides, the answer was obvious. He knew everything. You shook your head fast, trying to come up with an explanation that didn’t sound like an excuse. 

 “I… I thought you would be happy I took care of him,” you said. “He was causing trouble. He was a bad man.” 

“If you thought I would be pleased, why didn’t you tell me right away?” 

There were reasons, weren’t there? Good ones, explanations that could help you smooth this over. Beneath the weight of his gaze, you couldn’t think of any of them. “I… I don’t, um…  I was going to, but I didn’t want to distract you or anything. I’m not… I didn’t mean-”

“No. You didn’t tell me because you knew you were wrong,” Geto stated, telling you so directly that you couldn’t help but believe it.  

“I’m sorry,” you said softly. 

“To be clear, I’m not concerned with his death,” Geto told you. “I’m worried about you. About what you might do without my intervention. I have been for a while.”  

“I don’t… I don’t understand,” you said. That was probably the most true thing you could say, the sentiment that defined your existence. You did not understand. 

“I like to think that you’ve grown since you joined the family, but sometimes I don’t know if I can trust you to act with a clear head. Kurokawa was a doctor, wasn’t he?” 

You bristled at the reminder, mentally pushing back on the idea that you did it for such a personal reason. “He was… he was dangerous,” you argued. “He wanted to get the police involved.” 

“That isn’t my point,” Geto explained. “You acted out on your own. I knew Kurokawa was causing problems, but I didn't ask you to kill him. He still had value to me, in his own way." He paused, considering you with pursed lips. "If you told me what you did immediately, maybe I wouldn’t jump to conclusions, but as it is, all this proves is that you haven’t moved beyond your past experiences. I can’t trust you."

You bit your lip, swaying back as if those words had been a physical blow, only becoming more confused. Completely and utterly confused about how killing somebody who was a bad man, killing a hateful monkey upset Geto. You did it for him. You did it because the man was evil, and because he said terrible things, and because he was a hideous embodiment of the type of person who would see you locked up tight in another drug dispensing, mind-numbing, monkey hospital. 

All you could understand was that you had disappointed Geto, and the cutting violence of his doubt cut deep into your chest as physically as a knife. 

“I’m sorry,” you said again.

“Are you going to finish this?” Geto asked rather than acknowledge your apology, pulling at his collar. You nodded, rushing back to his side to untie the obi sash and fold it, helping him shrug off his black yukata to hang that up as well.

Left in a tight undershirt, a pair of loose pants, and socks he was quick to peel off and toss aside, Geto-sama emerged from his costume looking a decade younger and twice as dangerous. Like this, he was Suguru. You weren’t equals, but you were more than a little familiar. Although, you weren’t sure if you would dare to be so friendly with him now that you understood you were in trouble.

Before, you assumed you were here because he desired you. Now that felt presumptuous and silly.   

You averted your eyes and stepped back, waiting for the other shoe to drop. The silence physically hurt. Apologies built up like a dam in your head, stopping any other sort of thought from getting through as guilt brewed and boiled in your stomach. Worse, you couldn’t say he was wrong. Maybe you had knowingly acted against Geto, against the family, because of what Kurokawa represented to you. Maybe you couldn’t be trusted. And, if that was true, maybe you deserved his anger and all of the terrible things that followed anger.     

“Are you nervous?” Suguru asked. 

“No,” you said quickly. 

“Liar. I can hear it. Your heart is racing. You’re scared. Is it me?” He nudged your chin up with the side of his hand, forcing you to meet his eyes and the little smile he wore. “Are you frightened of me?” 

“You’re angry,” you said, shrinking back. “Angry with me.”

“Oh,” Suguru hummed thoughtfully, “so you’re scared that I’m going to punish you. Is that it?” 

Hesitantly, you nodded. 

“You’re right, I am.” 

Your breath caught before you shook your head fast, panicking. “No, you… I’m really sorry. I mean it, I was just trying to… He deserved to die.”

“I understand,” Suguru said, “and I appreciate what you say you were trying to do. The problem is that I don’t believe that was your motive. That is why I’m upset.” He ran his fingers through his hair, putting into a messy bun. “Do you understand the distinction?”

You blinked fast, feeling the horrible bite of tears stinging the corners of your eyes. “Yes, sir.”

“Good. Now… what do you think would be a fitting punishment?” 

You looked up at him in stark shock, hoping desperately that you misunderstood him. He didn’t clarify anything, simply waiting for you to answer. You shook your head again, your mouth opening and closing before you managed a meek, “I don’t know.” 

“But you agree, don’t you?” he asked, going over to his chest of drawers. Suguru looked at you over his shoulder, eying you up and down, drinking your awkward nerves. “You deserve to be punished for your disobedience.”

You exhaled sharply, conflicted about what kind of answer to give. More importantly, what kind of answer he wanted. If you were smarter, you would be able to talk your way out of this situation. If you were better attuned to Suguru’s needs, you would be able to give him what he wanted. If you were loyal, he wouldn’t have been mad in the first place. Those thoughts weren’t helpful, all you could do was stare and try to solve the puzzle of his mood. You had seen that little smirk on his face when he teased Nanako, but also when he killed non-jujutsu sorcerers that had outlived their usefulness. 

“You’re really asking me?” you finally got out, the only response you could muster.

His back was turned to you now as he looked through the drawer, but you saw his shoulder raise in a casual shrug. “I’m curious.” 

 Your gut instinct was to deny that you deserved punishment to try and spare yourself, but you held that impulse. You had already agreed that you did something wrong, so denying that you deserved punishment could make things worse. Then again, if you agreed, then maybe he would take that as permission to do even worse. Either one could potentially upset him too, because it would prove that you didn’t know what he wanted. Suguru did nothing to alleviate your nervous indecision as he turned around, holding an unmarked red box, watching you with that enigmatic smirk.

“If you think I do,” you said carefully, “then-”

“No,” he said, cutting you off. “I am asking if you acknowledge that you deserve punishment for what you have done.”

“I won’t do it again,” you told him, your voice soft. “I promise.” 

Suguru frowned. “That’s not what I asked.”

“I know, but it’s true,” you insisted. Rather than relent to your distress, his eyes narrowed dangerously, finally giving you some indication about the response he actually wanted. “I do!” You said quickly. “I…” The words were thick like syrup, awkward to get out. “I deserve to be punished.” 

Suguru smiled, setting the box on the bed and sitting on the black leather footboard bench, his legs spread wide and comfortable and head slightly tilted.  

“Are you going to hurt me?” you asked softly.

“Hurt you?” Suguru asked, raising a thin eyebrow. “I would never hurt you. I don’t think you’re likely to learn from pain anyway, hm? It wasn’t effective for your parents or doctors.”

“But… but you said you were going to punish me?” you asked, looking between him and the box with an increasing amount of anxiety. 

“Take off your clothes.”

Your jaw dropped. “I… My… You mean it?” 

He raised both eyebrows, daring you to deny him. You clutched at the front of your dress, your shoulders curling in. 

“But why?” you asked. He immediately gave you a pointed look, like you were stupid. “This… it’s… You want to…?” You couldn’t even finish the question, the whole thing was so divorced from any coherence you could wrap your head around. 

“You're allowed to say no and leave, I won’t stop you,” Suguru told you. He considered that for a moment, his head falling to the side. “If you stay, we’ll switch to your safe word rather than no. You remember it, don’t you?”

Safe word? You remembered him establishing that the first night he allowed you into his bed, but you hadn’t really thought much of it. Why would you ever want him to stop? Now the thought of it made you feel a little cold, and not because of the air conditioner valiantly chugging away in an attempt to keep the August heat at bay. It had taken a few days to come to terms with sleeping with Suguru after it first happened, but this was unreal in an entirely different way. You felt like you were looking down a very long, dark tunnel, like you were hopelessly and utterly lost.   

“I do,” you said faintly. “I remember.” 

“It’s your choice then.” 

You winced, unable to look at him. You weren’t going to leave. That was unthinkable. The idea of undressing in front of him like it was some sort of show wasn’t especially comfortable either, but you understood that you would do it. “That’s… it’s embarrassing.”

“I’ve noticed,” Suguru said. “You don’t want to think of yourself as the type of woman who would strip for a man. But you are, and you will. For me.”

You flushed darker, avoiding his eyes. Trying to keep your breathing from going completely out of control, you nodded. It was easier to obey. You wouldn’t know what you would do if you left his room right now, where you would go, how you would feel. It wasn’t about you, it was about what you had done to disappoint Suguru, and how you would make it right. He wanted to know that you were loyal, that you had left behind the pathetic wretch you used to be. 

Humiliating as it was, he was helping you. That was all he had ever done. 

“Yes, sir.” 

With shaking hands, you unzipped your dress. Considering the summer heat, you were wearing as little as possible. Three articles of clothing separating you from his eyes. You weren’t sure if that was better, making it so the process of undressing wasn’t so drawn out, or worse because it meant you couldn’t stall. 

“Keep going,” Suguru said when you hesitated with your thumbs hooked beneath the waistband of your panties. Closing your eyes, you pushed them down. The only positive you could think of was that you had the foresight to shave the night before. Ever since the first night you slept together you’d been taking personal grooming extremely seriously. Removing your bra was the worst of it all, but you dutifully undid the clasps and pushed the straps down your arms. He had seen you naked before, you reasoned. Even if you were disappointing, he still had asked to see you. It was fine. 

If Suguru wanted it, it was fine.

“You’re too pretty to be so self-conscious,” he told you in a very calm, matter-of-fact way. 

You tried not to shuffle awkwardly, clasping your hands in front of your stomach to hide their shaking. “Thank you,” you said softly, unable to meet his eyes even if you could feel them heavily on your flushing skin. 

“Come here,” Suguru ordered. In your peripheral, you saw his hand raise, a single finger curling to draw you towards him. 

You obeyed on awkward feet, glad to close the distance. He sat up to meet you face to face, having to look up at you for once and pulling you closer. You automatically parted your lips to kiss him. That was something you knew how to do. But his parted lips only brushed the corner of your mouth. When you tried to tilt your head to catch him, Suguru pulled back. Your eyes fluttered open—when had you closed them?—to see him smirking at the little trick. 

“Get on the bed,” he ordered, releasing you.

Nerves knotted and tangled in your stomach. There was something hot about his detached control, but you weren’t sure you liked it either. Vulnerability was discomfort. And still, you knew better than to argue or question. Trying to preserve as much of your modesty as was possible, you got onto his bed. It was easier to comply. Better to be obedient like he wanted. You didn’t want to disappoint him again. 

“These are for you,” Suguru said, finally revealing the contents of the red box by lifting the glossy lid. 

You stared into the box with curiosity, and then with a sharp pang of recognition. After that, nerves. Dread. Excitement. Blinking over and over didn’t change what you saw, there was no mistake about what lay inside. A lot of leather. Some chains. Scarf-like ties. You were pretty sure the wand-shaped item was a vibrator. 

Suguru choked you last time you had sex, and he pinned your wrists down and pulled your hair and left marks on your thighs and chest, but this was different. Dangerous. This was scary. 

“Geto-sama…” you said nervously, sticking to the formal address in the hopes that he would understand the sincerity of your doubt. “I’m not…”

“As I said, you’re allowed to stop this at any time,” he said, dropping the lid back onto the box with a crisp snap. “I would never force you into anything. If you truly feel bad for what you have done and want to prove yourself to me, I shouldn’t need to coerce you.”

Guilt and nerves writhed in your stomach. And excitement, always excitement for the simple reason that it was Suguru. You would do anything for him, wouldn’t you? He had saved you. You disappointed him, it was only right that you did as you were told. You pushed the lid off again, forcing a sort of resolve. Your heart beat like a frantic war drum in your chest, and you were flushing so hotly it felt like a fever. 

“What’s this all for?” you asked, your voice hoarse. 

“You won’t be able to hold still on your own,” he replied simply. “Besides, I think you’ll look sexy like this. I was waiting for an opportunity to try it.” 

The bottom of your stomach gave way to anxious lust. You licked your lips, trying to calm yourself down. 

“Okay,” you said softly. 

“Put them on for me,” Suguru said, pulling out four of the leather cuffs. Your eyes widened, your lips parting to argue that as a step too far. It would be so much easier for you if he did it himself, if you didn’t have to actively engage with putting yourself in a literal bind. 

Although maybe that was the point. This was punishment. 

Prove your loyalty. You could do that for him. 

Despite your forced mental affirmation, the whole task seemed too daunting for a moment, you had a nervously suffocating sense like drowning, but you forced that down. You would do anything for Suguru. That’s what this was about. Proving to him that you were loyal, that you would do as he said. That you were devoted.  

You did the wrist cuffs first, slipping the first over your left hand and tightening the strap with your right. There was only one size; they would fit snugly. Thick chains hung from both cuffs. Although they weren’t as bad as pure metal bracelets, the leather wouldn’t be kind to your skin if you resisted too much. Tightening the strap on the right cuff was even worse since you were working with your non-dominant hand. 

“Do you need help?” Suguru asked, laughing at your frustrated attempts to get the tongue through the buckle. 

“Don’t laugh, please,” you begged, talking very softly to hide your increasingly unstable emotions. “I’m trying.” 

“Here,” he said indulgently, “let me.” Suguru held out his hands for you to let him finish securing the cuff. “Do you need help with your ankles?”

“No, I… Thank you,” you said, unable to look at his expression. You could do this. You had to do this. 

Still, your hands trembled unsteadily. When you nervously fumbled with the leather strap around your ankle, he laughed again. 

“Don’t look,” you mumbled. The chains hanging from your wrists playfully clinked against the chains on your ankles.  

“I have to make sure you do it properly. You could hurt yourself.”

“It’s embarrassing,” you whispered, more petulant than anything.  

“I know,” Suguru told you sweetly, “but you’ve been such a good girl so far.” 

Your breath caught at the praise. At the very least, he looked away to pull off his shirt. You used the distraction to get your ankles secured, watching him remove his pants with your hands between your legs to retain some modesty. Suguru, stripped to his boxers, surveyed your handiwork, a little smile growing on his face.

“What?” you asked nervously. 

“Given how shy you are, I thought it would take more than this to convince you to do this for me. I don’t know if I’m disappointed or impressed.”

You frowned with a twisting sense of betrayal, but he cut off your displeasure by grabbing your legs to yank you towards him, leaning over the bed so he could kiss you.  

Before Suguru, you hadn’t really understood what the point of kissing was. It was an act of affection you mirrored with others because it was what people did. When Suguru licked your lips open for himself, you understood. Any touch of his body against yours had a potent effect, but the openly intimate domination of his tongue against yours, his fingers slipping up your hair to tilt your head, the hand on your bare waist, it was enough to clear your mind all over again. Igniting the purest type of motivation—lust. 

You wanted to show him your devotion. You wanted him to know you were sorry. You clung to his shoulders, hoping he could feel it.

All too soon, Suguru pulled back, his lips hovering inches from your own. You tried to follow, but he held you in place by your hair. 

“I’m impressed,” he said, answering his comment from before. “I admire your dedication. I only wish it extended to your actions. I can’t trust you until I know you obey me.”

“I do,” you said. “I…I will.” 

“Not yet.” Suguru didn’t wait for your response, pressing a chaste kiss on your lips, your cheek, and then tilting your head to whisper in your ear. “Move back. I’ll take care of the rest,” he told you, his husky voice making you shudder.

“Yes, sir,” you muttered so softly you wondered if he heard you. When Suguru pulled away, you scooted back to sit in the center of his bed, waiting and watching with equal parts nerves and anticipation. He picked through the red box again, pulling out another set of leather cuffs and a bundle of those silky scarves. 

“Open your legs,” he ordered in a business-like voice as he joined you on the bed, crawling up to you and readying one of the leather straps. The sudden shift of tone surprised you, throwing you off all over again. 

“What’s that?” you asked nervously. He gave you a sharp look and you relented, opening your legs. Being exposed so brazenly made your skin crawl, but he paid no attention to your naked body, wrapping the strap around your thigh and fastening it, repeating the process on your other leg. 

“What is it that the monkey said to upset you?” Suguru asked casually as he tested the straps for give, deeming them satisfactory. The conversational tone burst your bubble of rose tinged intimacy, sending your thoughts back to unpleasant places. “I assume something set you off.” 

“I… um…” As if revealing a magic trick, he unwound a length of the red scarf-like fabric, distracting you from a question you hadn’t really understood in the first place.

“Or did he try to attack you?” Suguru pushed, neatly doubling the scarf and pulling it around your back. He had to sit close as he blindly tied the knot and the cashmeran twilight scent of his skin filled your senses, you held your breath when he pulled away just to keep it close for a moment longer. 

“Have you done this before?” you asked as he wound the scarf around your chest and shoulders with a practiced hand, searching for a distraction from the embarrassment. 

“Does it bother you if I have?” Suguru asked. 

“No, sir.” 

He had to lean forward again to fasten the final knot on your back. “You didn’t answer my question,” he said softly. “What happened?” 

You winced. “He called me delusional. He said I’m just a… a bitch in your harem, and that I’d go down with you.” 

“I see,” Suguru said, pulling back, his expression impassive. 

“I’m really sorry, Geto-sama,” you said. 

“Are you worried he’s right?” Suguru asked, his voice so saccharinely sweet it had to be mocking. 

“I don’t… I don’t know.” 

“You are special to me,” Suguru told you sweetly, petting your hair. 

“You’re special to me too,” you said, eager to try and express your adoration. “Very, very special.” 

“I’m doing this because you’re so special to me. I can help you grow, and help you move on. I can show you the benefits of an honest life without the petty influence of the weak, but I cannot force your obedience. I need you to choose to listen to me, to obey me.”

“That is my choice,” you said. 

“Haven’t you heard the phrase ‘actions speak louder than words’?” Suguru countered, revealing the final trick of his little magic show. The chains on your wrists connected to those on your ankles with a few inches of slack, your ankle cuffs connected to the straps on your thighs, and the loose ends of scarves from the harness he had just finished tying were threaded into the D-rings on your thigh straps. Unable to balance upright, you rolled onto your back, fully exposed and unable to do much of anything about it. “This is your chance to make amends.” 

Suguru put his hand on your bare chest, right above your racing heart as it beat against your ribs. “You’re scared again,” he said. “I told you I wouldn’t hurt you. Do you not believe that?” 

“I’m just…” you squirmed uncomfortably, unable to articulate what you felt. You didn’t know what you felt, couldn’t figure out anything beyond the intensely physical embarrassment and the panicked disquiet of being bound and exposed.  

“You know what to do to make this stop,” he pointed out, his hand dragging down your chest to your flinching stomach. ���Just say the word, and I’ll let you leave.”

Suguru told you that almost like it was a joke. He was daring you to use the safe word and stop him, to show him that you weren’t as devoted as you claimed. His hand reached your pelvis and you whimpered, your hips wiggling in an undecided way. Did you want him to touch you, or were you nervous for that part? You couldn’t tell. The feelings were the same. 

He finally dropped over you, both of his hands resting on your ass before brushing up your thighs, pressing them further apart as he kissed you with an open mouth. Suguru’s tongue urgently met yours, teasing enough to invite your active and enthusiastic participation. To show him how much you wanted him. Of course you did. 

With a surprising bite on your lower lip, Suguru left your mouth to move down, licking and kissing his way across your jaw, following the line of your neck. He stopped there, sucking hard right above your pulse until you shuddered hard, making a soft, helpless noise. Your hands anxiously jerked, but all that did was snap the chains taut. Taking his time, his hand trailed down your thigh, his fingernails scraping the skin, until he reached your pussy. 

When Suguru’s fingers made contact with the sensitive flesh, you yelped, and he bit your neck hard enough to draw that yelp out into a pathetic keen. Your attempt to free your hands so you could push him back served only to pull your legs open wider. 

“Was that too much?” Suguru asked, lightly tracing your slit. 

“Hurts,” you said, your breathing hard and fast. He chuckled warmly, finding your clit and tracing little circles over it, just teasing. You whimpered. 

“You don’t mind, do you?” He asked, his lips brushing your skin as he moved down your chest. 

You made a choked, conflicted sound in your throat, any coherent response leaving your head the second his mouth closed around your nipple. Electric pulses of pleasure zipped down to your core, made that much more intense by the fingers on your clit. Suguru added more pressure against it, the weight sweetened by the friction of his calloused fingertips. Your hips rolled into the touch, your back arching for every delicious movement of his tongue or teeth on your nipple. 

A hoarse wail left your mouth when he released you with a wet pop, moving to do the same to your other nipple. His fingers were truly grinding against your clit at this point. It wasn’t the sweet enticement of pleasure, but a brute force motion that guaranteed you would come fast. 

You whined and moaned and shuddered, fighting the restraints. Sweat slicked up your skin, chafing beneath the restraints as you jerked, your body going taut to prepare for the sudden orgasm. You managed a choked, “I can’t, I can’t, I-” And then that tension snapped. It was good, but the rush was too fast and fleeting, fizzling itself out before you could savor the feeling. All it really did was make you want more.

With another lewdly wet pop, Suguru pulled off your nipple and sat up, his hand retreating from between your legs. “How did that feel?” he asked.

You swallowed, nodding fast. “‘s good. Tha-aa-nk you, sir.” 

“It’s interesting to me how much more sensitive girls are after coming,” Suguru said, teasing you with his fingers lightly tracing over your slit. “It’s almost obscene. Men need time, but you already want more, don’t you?” 

You shuddered, panting and flushed. “Yes. Yes, please.”

He smirked, although you couldn’t say you really understood the joke. Your entire body twitched, the chains clinking, and he licked his lips, looking at your flushed body like he was eying up a meal. 

Your eyes squeezed shut when he ran two fingers from your entrance, dragging a smear of slick arousal up to your clit. 

“No, don’t close your eyes,” Suguru said, beginning to draw patterns over your swelling clit. “Look at me.” 

You nodded, opening your eyes and meeting his gaze despite how overwhelming it was to be watched while he touched you so intimately. You squirmed, inhaling sharply through your teeth, already feeling the tantalizing build. 

“What about you?” you asked. “You don’t have to, um… um…” Blinking fast, breathing hard, your words scattered like dust and you felt the same tightening in your core, the sparkling promise of release. At the exact moment you were about to come again, Suguru pressed his hand flat between your legs, denying you that final push over the edge. 

Whining and desperate and so, so close, your hips bucked upward, desperate to come again. It was already too late, out of your grasp. “Geto-sama, please, I was-”

“No,” he said simply. 

“What?” 

“No. I’m not going to let you come again. I’ve already given you one more than you deserve.”

“No,” you whispered, horrified. “You… You can’t.” 

“No?” he repeated, his fingers tracing your clit slowly, with the barest amount of pressure. “You remember why I’m doing this, don’t you? I’m punishing you.” He pressed more intently against your clit. Unable to comprehend denial, your body began the process of drawing up tight. “You need to learn to be obedient. You have to learn to take whatever I see fit to give you.” 

“I am,” you gasped out. “I do, I-I will, I’m…” Your back arched, your arms and legs falling aside as if to make an offering of your body in the hopes that he would let you come this time. “I’m sorry that I… that I did that,” you babbled, your pussy tightening around nothing as your body got ready to come. “I’m really… really… I’m-” 

Suguru stopped just when you were on the precipice again, tapping your folds as if to mock your need. You squinted at him, your chest hitching a heavy breath, tears pricking your eyes. “But I said… Oh…” You didn’t finish what you were saying, too distracted by the slick slide of his fingers inside of you. So good. You swallowed hard, your cunt squeezing his fingers desperately as his fingers curled, dragging against your g-spot as they pulled out before thrusting forward. 

“If your words meant anything, you wouldn’t need to be punished in the first place,” Suguru pointed out, although you weren’t paying very close attention, your body awkwardly trying to roll into his fingers as they slowly fucked you. He touched your clit with his other hand, once again ensuring that you would come quickly. 

Too quickly, really. The intensity of pleasure shocked you, especially since you were so sensitive, desperate for more. “Please, can I… will you please… Please?” you begged, your animal need curbed slightly by fear. 

“You should know that no other man will do this for you,” Suguru said. “No one else will ever care for you the way I do.”

You nodded fast, knowing that was the truth. No other person in the world had ever been as kind or compassionate to you as Suguru. Nobody had ever wanted you, or made you feel important, or given you purpose. You loved him. You felt that affection swell alongside your building orgasm. 

He would let you come this time, he wasn’t slowing down. His fingers made a sickening wet schlick as they pumped in and out of your pussy, working in time with the finger on your clit. You were there, your body taut and ready and desperate and-

A wail escaped you when he stopped at the last moment, your entire body jerking in desperation to reclaim your ruined orgasm. As soon as it was gone, he returned to touching you in the same way, vigorously chasing you back to the edge and abandoning you seconds before you could get off. 

“Please,” you begged.

“I told you no,” Suguru reminded you, adding a third finger to pump and curl into your pussy as if to punctuate the cruel statement. You were off the edge now, but your body still stupidly strove to take more pleasure. You blinked tears, confused and needy and trembling, your breathing shallow. 

“Why?” 

He didn’t answer, he didn’t need to. The touch on your clit had you throwing your head back, your nostrils flared and teeth clenched. Chains clicked together when you tried to free your arms, but it was a fruitless struggle. You didn’t want to respond to his touch in the same way, you needed a reprieve, but there was no escape. You were sensitive. Your body remembered coming once, and that was enough of an incentive to try to get more. 

“You can always stop me,” Suguru said. “If it becomes too much.”

“It’s…” you told him, although your attempt to seem brave was weakened by your breathy, pathetic voice. “I’m… I can take whatever you give me. I’m…” You sobbed, overwhelmed by the drag of his fingers against your g-spot. He barely had to put any pressure on your clit, it was so swollen beneath his teasing fingers. “Please, sir. I just… Just one, please?”

“I already let you come once,” he reminded you, amused. 

You moaned miserably, your head tossing back and forth as you readied yourself for another orgasm. You hoped that maybe if you could just come before he noticed, then that would be enough to soothe the horrible ache, the fearful deprivation he kept stoking to a blaze. 

It was there, right at your fingertips, on the tip of your tongue, and Suguru hummed happily when he suddenly pulled his fingers out of you. You shouted, thrashing against your bindings. They all held, keeping you helpless beneath him. 

“Please, I… please.” 

“No,” Suguru said, slowly pushing just one finger into you. You sobbed when he used it to massage your g-spot. Not giving you any real pressure or weight or friction, just that constant reminder of the pleasure you had been denied.

“I can’t,” you said tearfully, straining to get more out of that single finger like a starving woman being thrown crumbs. 

“You can,” Suguru told you. His word was gospel. It didn’t matter what you thought. 

He pulled his finger out before you could get too used to it, only to return with three. You choked, your body jerking hard enough against the restraints to hurt, suddenly thrown into high gear as he properly finger-fucked you, bouncing your entire body. 

It didn’t matter that he wasn’t touching your clit, you could get off just on this. Your body was thrumming with denied pleasure and you wanted it so bad you could scream. 

“Yes, yes, please, yes—No!” 

You were properly sobbing this time when he stopped, almost horrified by the intensity of your body’s disappointment when his fingers pulled out. You had no idea how he was getting the timing so perfect, but it was worse than if he was just hurting you. Suguru shoved his fingers into your open mouth while you were still reeling, smearing the taste of your pussy onto your tongue. You didn’t need his instruction to suck on them, hoping that the display of thoughtless obedience would earn you some leniency.   

“Good girl,” he cooed, pushing his fingers deeper into your mouth, almost enough to make you choke. When he pulled them out, he didn’t linger, kissing a line down your stomach. Your arms fought the restraints when you realized his intentions because you weren’t sure you could handle feeling his mouth on you like this, not if he was going to keep denying you. 

“No,” you whined. “Please, I… I can’t…” 

“Yes, you can,” Suguru said calmly, not even bothering to look up at you.

A heavy, almost guttural moan left your mouth when his tongue licked past your folds, tossing you right back into the abyss of lustful need. All he had to do was brace his forearm across the backs of your thighs and you were unable to do anything, your trapped arms and legs twitching, your feet kicking uselessly into the empty air, the chains connecting them to your wrists clicking. 

Suguru was good at this, switching between flat-tongued licks and pointed patterns, closing his lips around your clit until you were choking out these pathetic little chirps, your body reacting in a way entirely out of your control. 

And when you were there, right at the very edge, he pressed a kiss to your clit and looked up at you from beneath his dark eyelashes. 

You sobbed, throwing your head back in a childish display of disappointment. 

“You’re alright. Breathe,” Suguru said.

“Please,” you begged.

Suguru hummed as he lowered his head, shaking it side to side with his tongue flat against your clit. Your toes curled, your hands forming pathetic fists.  

It didn’t take much to build you up all over again, your entire body was wired and ready. You didn’t think you had ever felt so aware of yourself. Your skin, your pussy, your heart, your body, everything crackled and blazed. What was he doing, drawing kanji with his tongue? You didn’t know, but it felt amazing. You chased that feeling knowing you shouldn’t, thinking that maybe this time, maybe if you were fast enough. Maybe, maybe, maybe-

“No, please, I just wanna…” Suguru’s tongue stilled and he pulled away, watching you fall apart at yet another denied orgasm. “No!”

He casually pressed two fingers into you, massaging them against that spongy spot with a wet squish that was beyond obscene. “You know what to say to make me stop,” he told you.

“I know,” you said, wishing you could cover your face, wishing for some point of sanity here in this lust-mad haze. “I don’t want… Please, Geto-sama, I just wanna come, please.”

“Oh?” he said, his other hand returning to rest on your pelvic bone to playfully tease your clit. “Do you think you deserve that?” 

“I…” You tried desperately to figure out the correct answer by looking at his expression, but you couldn’t tell and his hands kept you distracted. Deserve didn’t matter, all you could think was that you wanted to come. “Yes?” you said, hoping very much that was the correct response, practically praying for the torment to end. His fingers slowed and you let out an embarrassing little keen. “Ah… No, no I…” His expression still didn’t change, leaving you scrambling. Your chest hiccupped with a sob, your confused spiral boiling down to the pit of desperate need. “I don’t know.”  

Rather than respond, Suguru’s head lowered between your legs once more to tongue your clit in time with his fingers. You felt a hot rush of hope that you got something right, that he was finally going to let you come. Your entire body surged towards the feeling, going so stiff that it made your trembling muscles ache. 

And there, right on the edge, he stopped. You didn’t have it within you to do anything other than cry, openly weeping at this point. If he were only teasing you it would be one thing, but he was purposefully working you right up to the edge and then abandoning you there. It was the feeling of being unable to sneeze amplified to a million, that torturous feeling of almost.  

“I’ll do anything, please,” you told him, your voice coming out broken.

“Are you saying you wouldn’t before?” Suguru asked. You opened your mouth to argue, only to realize that it didn’t matter. Nothing you said or did mattered, you were helpless to him. You had already surrendered everything else, the only thing you could do was obey and hope for his mercy.  

You understood. He didn’t want you to beg. He wanted you to obey. To be good for him without question. 

You could do that. 

Suguru pushed his fingers back into you, repeating the whole process of working you up and abandoning you again. And again. And then he added his mouth. There were several times in your life you’d been pushed to the absolute brink of sanity, and right then you were convinced that you were going to go mad. But you grit your teeth and endured it. You had to. This was your punishment, and Suguru would decide when to end your misery. 

You had to be good for him.  

Had you ever been this wet? Swollen too, all of your blood flowing dangerously hot between your legs. It was disgusting, your pussy was sloppy and red and he barely had to touch your clit at all to build you right up to that edge. And it was just as easy to let you fall, disappointed and unfulfilled and growing increasingly, painfully distraught from the denial. 

You beat your fists pathetically against the bed, hitting your head into the pillow like a madman. Air puffed out of your chest fast and hard enough to make your head spin, like there wasn’t enough oxygen in the room. 

Rather than continue the torture, Suguru grabbed your chin, dragging you out of your spiraling haze. His fingers were slick from being inside of you. You met his eyes through a veil of tears. “Have you had enough?” he asked, his voice wavering with a parody of pity. “I’m worried you���re going to hyperventilate.” 

You blinked fast, trying to gather the coherence to respond. “I can… I can take it,” you told him with a miserable sort of resolve, your voice thin and breathless. 

Suguru smiled. “Really? And if I said I intended to leave you like this, perhaps to go find a way to fix the mess you made?” 

The thought was enough to make you sob. His attention was torturously uncomfortable, but being completely denied any resolution, being left bound and soaking wet and electrified with unfulfilled need, you almost would have rathered he hit you. 

But you nodded, forcing yourself to accept it. Anything less would be to reject his authority over you, right? It would make you seem less loyal. “Anything,” you whispered.

“Ah, that look in your eyes is wonderful,” he cooed. “You mean it, don’t you?” 

You nodded insistently. “I love you,” you told him, speaking without thought, saying it because it was true. “I’ll do… I’ll do anything.”

“Okay, I’ll let you come,” Suguru said, releasing your face so his hand could wander back down between your legs. 

You made a weak noise, your body unconsciously jerking, straining towards him. 

It was pathetic, he barely had to do anything, simply brushing his flat fingers in light circles over your swollen clit. And that was enough. Fear flooded your insides alongside the same frantic, hot rush of pleasure. All of your muscles contracted in a mass of sore, shaking muscles and bestial desperation because you were afraid he would stop again, afraid that he would deny you and there would be no recourse other than pathetic acceptance.

“Please, please, I-I love you,” you plead, your voice whispery, rough and desperate, borderline incoherent.

And he didn’t stop. 

That wet, hot snap of release was one of the best things you had ever felt. You convulsed, chains clicking and leather chafing against your skin and his name spilling from your lips over and over. He worked you right through the orgasm. You were crying again, sobbing and shaking and sticky hot. It felt good. It felt like forgiveness. 

“Another?” Suguru asked. Your eyes had been shut, but now they opened to see his smile.

You just shook your head, lacking the capacity to respond. 

He didn’t wait, pushing three fingers into you while teasing your clit with his other hand. It forced your body through a surprisingly uncomfortable rubbery mixture of overstimulation and mindless need. It left you feeling like an elastic band being stretched and stretched. In spite of that feeling, a few solid, harsh pumps later and you were coming again, your pussy squeezing his fingers to keep them there while he worked you through it. There was very little drama to it, you were already wrung out. But it was good. Hot and wet and good. 

Suguru didn’t stop. You fought the restraints, wanting to move, to writhe, to get more comfortable, to take some control back because you needed a moment to collect yourself. 

“I really-” It was hard to speak. Hard to form the words. Hard to get them out. “Oh God, I—ah.”

Almost painfully sensitive, the rough pounding of his fingers against your g-spot started to register as too much. You fought the restraints, a different sort of panic setting in. To keep your body from rejecting the pleasure of his touch, Suguru doubled down against your clit, pressing a little harder. You had been starving, but now you were splitting full from the assault pleasure. 

“Too—oo much,” you got out through your teeth, although it probably didn’t seem like it was too much when your back was arching accordingly, your pussy clamping down around his relentless fingers, that coiling buildup of release reaching its apex. 

Your mouth opened in a silent scream, your fingers and toes clawing helplessly at the sheets as you came, practically choking on the hot feverish intensity of your orgasm. 

“No, it’s not,” Suguru told you. His fingers slowed at least, and then pulled out. It wasn’t much of a reprieve, he immediately shuffled down the bed so he could situate his head back between your thighs. 

You hissed, tensing up, your arms jerking against the restraints. Your clit was too sensitive for his tongue, he had to understand that. “You… You don’t… Have to,” you got out, your voice unsteady from how hard you were panting. “I don’t need-” 

“Don’t worry,” Suguru said sweetly. “I’m not doing this for you.”

The wet, warm patterns he drew on your clit with his tongue sent you into a sort of delirium. No matter how sensitive you thought you were, it was intoxicatingly good. He focused entirely on what made your hips try to jump, what made you moan and whine. When he slipped two fingers into your pussy at the same time, you felt ready to lose it entirely. You were falling apart. Splitting at the seams. You came with a harsh cry, Weeping at the fizzling heat of pleasure. 

Suguru didn’t stop. He just hummed and flattened his tongue and kept going, forcing you right past that sickening few seconds of sensory rejection and towards another orgasm. You could do it. You focused on that because even if you weren’t entirely sure you wanted more, you wanted to be good for him. How ungrateful would it be to not come when he was kind enough to eat you out? 

Covered in the sickly shine of sweat and shaking so uncontrollably that it felt like the world itself was trembling, you came again.  

When he was content you were done, Suguru stopped, pulling his fingers out with a final brush against your g-spot to make you whine, your body mindlessly writhing. He sat up, brushing back strands of sweaty black hair with the back of his hand. 

You wilted in place, closing your eyes to focus on your breathing while he messed with something else. It was hard to collect yourself, but you could already tell that you would be sore tomorrow. 

Hearing the shift of fabric, you opened your eyes to see Suguru remove his boxers. Despite your messily deteriorated state, the sight of his cock roused enough of your mind to focus. He was hard, the red-flushed head bobbed as he casually stroked himself which might have been for your benefit. Despite the sensory overload, your pussy tightened in anticipation of feeling him inside of you. If he fucked you and you did good enough to make him come, then you would be done. That was, at the very least, an end goal. One more thing you could endure for him, and then he would forgive you. 

Suguru looked down at you with a fond smile, an expression that seemed more than a little cruel when he was stroking his dick, when he knew fully well that you were painfully oversensitive and this would make it that much worse. 

“Should I make you beg?” he asked warmly, tapping the head against your painfully sensitive folds. You whimpered, squirming. You weren’t entirely sure you wanted this, and he probably knew that, but maybe that was the point. It didn’t matter, you wanted him, you wanted to be good for him, and that superseded every other thing you felt. 

“Please, Geto-sama,” you begged, defaulting to the formal address because you needed him to accept it, because he was your lord and master in every way except by name, because you adored him and worshiped him, and you needed him to understand that. “Fuck me, please. I’m yours.”

“So vulgar,” he said, sliding his cock up and down through the wet, sloppy mess he’d made of your pussy. “I wonder what happened to the sweet, innocent girl you used to be.”

You squeezed your eyes shut, shaking your head. “Please.”

“I’m kidding,” Suguru told you, bracing one hand on your thigh to force your hips to curl while lining up his cock. “Aren’t you going to beg?”

“Please-”

“No, no. Look at me.”

You forced your eyes open, forced yourself to look up at him through tear-covered lashes. “Please, Geto-sama. Please, I’m yours.” 

It was nothing for him to push in. You were wet and eager and it felt good. The feeling of his cock popping past the initial barrier of muscle and driving deeper into your pussy was one of the most uniquely pleasurable sensations you had ever felt, no matter what the context. It gave you the sort of fullness nothing could replicate, physically grounded you in a way nothing else ever had. 

Since you were watching, you got to see his expression slacken into one of pleasure. Your pussy fluttered and squeezed, just making room for him. 

You gave up keeping your eyes open as he drove himself even deeper, throwing your head back to just take it, to ignore the discomfort of his cock grinding against what felt like raw nerves. Suguru braced his hands on your thighs as he rocked his hips, taking his time. 

“What does it feel like?” he asked. 

“Good,” you said quickly, your tongue feeling loose like you were drunk. “So… So good.” 

“I want to feel you come again,” he said. “You don’t mind, right?” 

Your eyes fluttered open in confusion, shutting when he suddenly snapped his hips forward. “I can’t,” you whined. “Not again.”  

“You can,” Suguru told you, grinding his cock as far into as he could, pressing as deep as possible, deep enough to make you whimper and writhe. Could he feel that? Could he feel the way you were shaking all the way down to your bones, feel the way your heart raced and fluttered and skipped? 

And then you heard it turn on. When you heard the buzzing, your brain was wildly scattered enough that you thought it was an electric toothbrush which made no sense whatsoever. When he pressed the vibrator directly to your clit, you yelped, trying to buck it off but only serving to grind yourself into his cock. 

A few little circles with the thing against your clit was all it took for you to choke, your body seizing up with another orgasm. You were acutely aware of the way it caused your cunt to squeeze and suck his cock, coating it in a fresh wave of arousal as he pulled out, making a horrible wet slap when he thrust back in. 

Suguru groaned, keeping the vibrator directly on your clit as he chose a slow, steady pace. 

“I can’t,” you tried to tell him, squirming and writhing with renewed vigor as your body started to tense up to come again. You couldn’t stop it and of course it felt good but it was too much, almost burning. You could handle it. If you came again it would hurt, especially coming with his cock grinding so persistently into your overly sensitive cunt. 

“I thought you were being good,” Suguru said, rewarding you with a heavy, harsh thrust that made you wail. And another. That sent you over the edge, whimpering and shaking and incoherent with the overwhelming influx of heat and tingling overstimulation. Like the brittle snap when breaking a glow stick, or taking a crisp, juicy bite of an apple. It should have been good, but all you could feel was the wet, helpless violation of something ruined. 

Suguru moaned openly, driving himself deep enough for his hips to slap your ass with each heavy thrust. Your head whipped from side to side, the only form of protest left to you. He kept moving the vibrator to make sure you didn’t get too accustomed to any one type of stimulation. It was torture. Horrible torture. You wouldn’t have thought coming could be so agonizing, and yet when you drew up for another sharp, shuddery orgasm you couldn’t recognize it as anything else. 

“Is this better or worse than before?” Suguru asked, his words stuttered with each hard thrust. 

“I don’t… I can’t…” You couldn’t think. You couldn’t breathe. You couldn’t do anything except convulse and cry and come. Again. 

You didn’t understand. 

“You don’t know?” he asked, breathy yet amused. “You’ll have to—to tell me later.” 

The problem was that you had no place to think. You were too full. Suguru continued fucking you hard and steady. All you could hear was the slick slapping of wet skin and that infernal buzzing. There was so much weight behind every movement, like he was trying to batter his way into your womb. Each thrust was followed by a whimper or moan or cry. And the relentless vibrator against your clit. It hurt. It burned. 

“I don’t… don’t…” 

“You’re… not done,” Suguru told you, his voice heavy and breaking with exertion. “Come again.” 

You weren’t sure if you were actually crying anymore, or just sobbing and panting and so sweaty it felt like you were crying. You couldn't form any coherent words, or even incoherent rejections. So you obeyed, the taste of blood on your tongue and stars dotting your vision, your pussy burning and inner walls pulsing around his cock as you came again. Suguru groaned, his lovely lips parted and eyes closed. 

“One more,” he demanded. “Just… Just one… More.” That word was punctuated with a hard thrust and an especially cruel grind of the vibrator against your overstimulated clit. There was no point in saying no, or even believing it wasn’t possible. He knew more than you did. You didn’t know anything. 

With a miserable whine, you came again, although at this point it felt like there was just a long, helpless flow of overstimulation marked with waves of overbearing heat, and then your pussy tightened around his cock and it dragged cruelly against your g-spot, and that was all you could manage before you were tossed back into the mindless daze of agonizing excess.

“Even though it hurts, you’re…” He didn’t finish that breathless thought, although his amused smile went away when his hips suddenly stuttered and he fell forward, his forearm resting by your shoulder. 

Mercifully, Suguru shut the vibrator off, letting it fall somewhere to the side, bracing his other arm on the bed next to you as he sought his own end. Your arms and legs fell to the side, slack except for when your muscles spasmed or jerked. Every thrust added to the relentless cycle of too much, especially from this angle, you could feel the way your body worked itself up to come again, responding to his pleasure as if it were your own. 

“Geto-sama… Suguru please,” you begged and there was a chance he couldn’t make out that you were attempting to form actual words, but even with your sanity fraying at the edges from his torture, you wanted him to come. You wanted to know there was a reason for your complete unraveling, that you had a real, good purpose, some sort of justification to exist. 

Suguru forced your knees all the way up to your chest, pushing his cock as deep as possible as he came, working himself through it with shallow thrusts and these intoxicatingly sexy stuttered moans. Distantly, beyond the hellish, sweaty shell of your shaking body, you had the distinct thought that everything was worth it just to hear him moan like that. Just to be rewarded by his pleasure. Because you loved him. Because you belonged to him. Both of you were flushed hot and disturbingly slick with sweat and it hurt for him to be pushing so deep. Out of all the little cruelties he had subjected you to, the fact that you were unable to hold onto him like you wanted was one of the worst. 

When Suguru pulled out, that hurt too. Every part of your body hurt. He left you to fall bonelessly limp onto the bed, rolling around to lay next to you. 

In the relative quiet, your ears rang with a tinny discordance, paired with the engine roar of rushing blood. Your tongue was sandpaper in your mouth—little wonder, you had no idea how you had any liquid left in your body—and your limbs hurt from being stuck in the bound position for so long, but you couldn’t say you wanted to do anything to fix those things. As soon as the severity of those discomforts occurred to you, so were they carried away by the lapping tide of exhaustion. You felt like a sponge that had been squeezed dry. That’s probably what you looked like too.   

“I didn’t expect it to be so… Difficult to contain myself,” Suguru mused softly. You didn’t respond, marveling at his voice. It was very nice. So soothing and smooth. Perfect, just like every other part of him. “It’s wrong, but necessary. You never learned the right way to live, I have to guide you. Otherwise you could hurt yourself. You could hurt our family.” There was more conviction in those words, like he was trying to argue against a point you hadn’t made. 

Even if you were to be unbound, you wouldn’t dare close your legs. You couldn’t feel his cum slipping out, maybe you were too swollen. That would explain the painful heat. 

“I wish I didn’t have to make my point like this,” Suguru continued. “But I'll do whatever it takes for you to get it.” 

Mute confusion was the only thing you had left—you were barely aware enough to listen to what he was saying, let alone divine any meaning from the words. Your body hurt and you were thirsty and sweaty and tired. You didn’t think anything. You couldn’t do anything. You couldn’t say anything. It wasn’t even confusion, it was just pure exhaustion. 

“Ah, you’re a mess,” Suguru said, sitting up. You groaned in disapproval when he started messing with the straps around your thighs, taking them off. Without the harness's support, your legs dropped limp onto the bed. Still, you didn’t move. You couldn’t fathom moving. “Hey,” he chided, “don’t go to sleep.”

You grunted unhappily. 

“Will you open your eyes?” Suguru asked, touching your fever-hot cheek. After a second, you did, meeting his gaze with your own dazed, blank stare. His expression was tender, you thought. So kind, so sweet, so gentle. “I need you to listen to me now, hm?” 

You made a sound to show that you were listening, looking up at his beautiful face with a marveling sort of adoration. Suguru really was beautiful. It was little wonder so many people thought he was a holy man. He undid the chains keeping your hands and ankles connected, letting your arms flop lifelessly into the sweaty sheets.

“I forgive you,” Suguru told you, his eyes scanning your body slowly, taking in the sweat and the reddish flush and the twitching, trembling of your muscles with some kind of affection. “But, and I need you to remember this,” he continued, his eyes returned to yours, “next time you disobey me, it will be worse.”

Worse? You couldn’t imagine worse. The idea of worse made your eyes sting, panic threatening to crawl back out of the abyss of your exhaustion to send you into a fit of tears.

You blinked and swallowed against your dry throat. “I’ll be… be good, I promise,” you said in a voice that was little more than a hoarse croak. 

“Shhh,” Suguru shushed softly, brushing your damp hair off of your sweaty forehead. “Don’t be scared. Everything I do, I do because I love you. You are precious to me, you know that, don’t you?”

Those words worked like ether sweet anesthesia through your head and you believed him, loved him, trusted him. He did this because he loved you, and because you needed to learn. Of course. That made sense even if nothing else did. 

[nayatarot777]

how can you feed your spirit? • pac

if you’re interested in a personal video reading, my patreon readings, or my youtube readings, then find the links to all of those things on my website here!

• pile one •

you guys may feel like you really have a hole in your soul or a hole in your spirit due to someone who lacked so much empathy. someone who had so much hidden envy or jealousy towards you. someone who showed you fake love to get what they wanted from you. it doesn’t matter who this person is - they could be a fake family member, a fake friend, a coworker, a bitch-made partner who saw multiple things in you that they were threatened by and jealous of. your guides are telling you to not be afraid to use your voice and speak up about this and how they’ve hurt you. whether they see it or not, getting out what you want to say will heal you a lot. you could put them on blast online. because this person holds a lot of secrets - and therefore made you feel like you had to hold onto secrets due to the effects of this person’s bs behaviour towards you. don’t be afraid to speak up about thus. you will have support and you will have people who are a circle of protection for you. i’m hearing that this person literally tried to end you in some way. for some of you literally and for others of you figuratively, with the way that they tried to crush your spirit any chance that they could. i’m gonna put it out there - this person is highly narcissistic. they don’t feel guilt or remorse for what they did. they don’t feel bad at all. they don’t have a heart. they’re probably the types of people who come across like they don’t even have a soul and that’s why yours triggered them so much. this is someone who doesn’t feel anything, so don’t feel bad for putting this person on blast. you hold a lot of knowledge on this person that they want you to keep quiet about. they expect you to hold the burdens of what they did to you in silence as if they’re owed that. they’re owed nothing. especially not from you. any anxiety that you’ve been experiencing due to this person and what you had to endure, you can relieve through divination (tarot in particular), just like how what you’re doing now. there may still be things that you’re not entirely clear on and divination will give you more of an objective and birds-eye view of this person and this situation. it’s time to write or speak about what you experienced with this person. and doing this online could definitely be the best method of doing so. it’s time to change the dynamic between you, because you’re holding burdens that shouldn’t and don’t belong to you. they belong to this person. so take them off of you and give it to who’s supposed to have it.

• pile two •

you guys could definitely have a fear of having responsibility over your own life. it seems like you reject opportunities that allow you to take a more authoritative approach and become the ruler of your own life. perhaps because you’ve been infantilised by parents or caregivers so much. and while they could’ve done this out of love and care for you, they haven’t done you any favours by doing this since you’re now someone who doesn’t know how to lead yourself without someone else telling you what to do. for others of you, these people infantilised you by instilling fear of the world and of life in general into you so that you’d always be dependent onto them. because that’s how they keep you tethered to them - even if they’re toxic or maybe even abusive towards you. a lot of you could feel like you’re a lot younger internally than you are physically, and this is the reason why. the first thing that you need to do is to practice some type of self-love. if you’re into witchcraft, do some self-love spells. i’m also seeing that a lot of you need to drink more water. as a way of easing yourself into responsibility in life, you could start with something small like caring for a plant daily. or taking responsibility over your health by setting an exercise routine or going for daily walks or something like that. you just need to find something that allows you to step into your power. any fear that you have towards stepping out of your comfort zone needs to be addressed. you need to look within yourself and do some ‘shadow work’. what about the world or what about life scares you so much? there may also be some responsibility that you have in terms of spiritual gifts. especially if you’re a tarot reader yourself or if you’re just clairvoyant or something similar. you may be rejecting these gifts but you shouldn’t. your power is in this, and every-time you reject these gifts, you reject your strengths. i’m also hearing that you could take more responsibility over your diet too. to choose healthier food options - especially if you’re from a family that doesn’t prioritise something like that. you need to stop rejecting yourself and your own power. if you have parents and family who genuinely love you and don’t just view you for how doing everything for you can feed their ego and their sense of self-importance, then they’ll understand the natural part of life where you have to grow into your own person. if not, then they’ll just try to reject and negatively influence any type of authority and leadership that you take for yourself over your own life - but this is needed.

• pile three •

you need to put yourself on a higher pedestal, pile three. you need to elevate the viewpoint that you have of your true self. you have experiences of being vilified for speaking up for yourself and saying exactly what you mean, and that’s caused a lot of shame within you - simply just because you spoke truths and people didn’t like it (probably because you were exposing their bs), but if you allow yourself to shut yourself up and not use your voice, you’re letting these people silence you completely and to destroy the strength of your voice that you have. you’re the person who’s not afraid to say what everyone else is thinking - but what everyone else is too afraid to say. the strongest person in the room will always try to be taken down by others who are intimidated by them. if people didn’t see you as a force to be reckoned with, they wouldn’t feel threatened by you in the first place, right? this vilification may have really affected your confidence and your ability to see yourself in a positive light. and perhaps your ability to listen to your intuition too, due to being gaslit out of what you know that you know. it’s time to step into some bravery and not be afraid of being seen as the villain by those who are the actual villains themselves. perhaps there are some things that you need to address about your home life or within your family. they probably won’t like what you have to say and they probably will try to paint you out to be the bad guy like always, but there’s going to be more strength that you find in yourself speaking your truth and being known as the villain instead of suppressing yourself. for a lot of you, your family has implemented so much rage, anger, and sadness within you. you’re going to be vilified either way so you might as well live in your truth, right? you have more of a higher perspective than any of these people and you know the truth about whatever situations people try to push you away from seeing and speaking about. when you speak the truth, you unmask the people full of negative energy, behaviour, and mindsets. and i’m hearing that for some of you, you could feel like this person or these people are literally evil - the devil incarnate, even. you don’t have to listen to the shit that comes out of these people’s mouths about you, but they’ll always be listening to what you have to say out of fear of you exposing them some more. do it 🤭.

• pile four •

the first thing that i’m seeing for you is that you should focus on healing yourself sexually. you could be a very sexual person or sexually open behind closed doors, but you still have some sexual shame from expectations and familial or societal pressures put onto you. accepting yourself for your sexuality (in whatever way that is), or accepting your naked body is important. i’m also seeing that some of you might hide who you truly are or how you truly feel behind anger as a defender mechanism. you might always be ready for battle with other people when you feel tried and tested or triggered by something, but it’s time for healing and not war at this point of your life. you could be self-destructing through your anger and defensiveness - and while this is understandable, it’s not healthy for you to consistently be in this energy. there’s also something or someone that you need to clear out of your life. could be a parent or a guardian, but it’s time to clear someone or something out of your life that makes you feel criticised and ridiculed. this person puts a lot of pressure onto you and forces you to hide who you truly are for the sake of their acceptance. if this is about a parent or a family member, then understand that their love shouldn’t be conditional. that means that their love is self-serving. they’re not loving you because you’re their child or because you’re someone who deserves love (which you do). they’re loving you in exchange for what they can get to fulfil them and their ego. it’s self-serving “love” that’s expressed for the sake of themselves and not you. if this isn’t about necessarily clearing this person completely out of your life, then you need to clear their criticisms out. i’m hearing “speak no evil, see no evil, hear no evil”. put up boundaries and conditions in the same way that they do to you. let them know that if they’re going to say certain things to you, then they’re not welcome in your space and nor are they welcome to speak to you (and neither is anyone who’s willing to listen to and relay back to you their bs). also, maintain spiritual protection. burn incenses, white candles or tea lights, do protection spells. i feel like there are people sending you evil-eye and talking shit behind your back, even if you don’t actually see or hear this. but this could be affecting you negatively energetically. do some sort of spiritual protection or return-to-sender and leave them to stew in their criticisms of you that are actually just criticisms of themselves that they’re projecting out onto you.

[maochira]

Trust is good, but control is better.

Characters: Ness, Raichi, Shidou, Kaiser, Reo

Tags: gn!reader, possessive!character, established relationship, toxic behavior from the characters (Ness: guilt tripping, Raichi: isolating you from friends, Shidou: treating you like property, Kaiser: manipulation, Reo: lack of trust + breaking trust)

Disclaimer: This is not meant to romanticize any toxic behaviour described in this.

Ness' possessiveness is mostly fueled by his insecurities. He's always afraid there will be someone better than him and he hates the thought of you ever leaving him. But you know what he hates even more? Simply the mention of any of your exes. He hates knowing he wasn't your first for everything. He wishes he could have been your first love and he wishes he could have had your first kiss. It doesn't matter if you weren't his first for everything either, he just craves being yours. Ness struggles a lot with retroactive jealousy and that causes him to be extremely possessive, but he also uses it to guilt trip you a lot. It seems as if no amount of reassuring that even if he wasn't your first for everything, he's the one you love the most and will forever love the most, could be enough. Sometimes when topics come up that only slightly relate to any of your exes, it's as if you're walking on glass shards because Ness could get upset at any moment, even if you didn't mention your ex.

Raichi gets jealous extremely easily. It only takes someone else to look at you too long to make him upset. Raichi also can't stand any of your close friends because while he trusts you a lot, he doesn't trust them at all. The only people he trusts to some extend are mutual friends he knew before dating you, but even with those he gets jealous from time to time. He slowly isolates you from almost all your friends by talking in a bad way about them and telling you any rumors he's heard or even coming up with them on his own. He points out anything negative he can figure out in hopes to make you leave those people behind. Raichi wants to be the only person you ever think of because he's convinced you don't need any of your friends. At least he's fine with your family members - and he makes sure they get a good impression of him being the perfect boyfriend - but when it comes to any of your friends, he can't stand them and wants them out of your life.

Shidou sees you as if you're a piece of property that only belongs to him. It started with him saying things like "You're mine" and "You only belong to me" which began as something romantic, but the more often he said these things, the more prominent the possessive undertone became. At some point, he starts saying "No one could ever have you this way" and "You know you'll only be mine forever, right?" to make completely clear that you're his and can never be anyone else's again. Not only does Shidou need you to understand that, but he also wants everyone else to know. The way he talks about you to others isn't in the way a boyfriend would usually talk about his significant other. He talks about you in a way someone talks about a thing they own. Each time someone points that out, Shidou shrugs it off as "That's just how our relationship works" without a care that he's too possessive over you.

Kaiser manipulates you to stay with him. After every disagreement and fight that was completely caused by his possessiveness, he repeats things like "We stay together even after fights, this only shows how much we love each other" in order to convince you the way he acts is normal. While yes, fights and disagreements are completely normal in a relationship and they can be solved each time, it's different when it comes to Kaiser. He's completely aware of how much his possessiveness is harming the relationship and that you're about to notice it as well. Because of that, he's trying to hide it behind the "This is all normal" facade so you won't leave him. Sometimes Kaiser even starts arguments intentionally so he can do the process of ignoring you, being asked or even begged by you for his attention, and then suddenly being a lovely boyfriend again to only further manipulate you into staying with him, even when things get harder.

Reo projects his trust issues onto you. He's constantly afraid that you might be cheating on him or doing anything else behind his back. He's afraid of you not being his anymore. Very often, Reo secretly looks through your phone when you're asleep or busy with something else. He never asked if he can do this and you don't even know that he's doing it. You trust him to respect your privacy, but instead he's doing exactly what he's so afraid of you doing: breaking trust. Reo wants to trust you completely, but it's so hard for him to do. It's irrational because he knows he can and should trust you completeley, he just can't. Every time he picks up your phone Reo tells himself "This is the last time I'm doing this. I'm only checking one more time and then I can be sure to trust them" but it's never the last time. He just has to make sure you're still only his. Reo has tried to stop going through your phone, but as soon as he sees it lying around somewhere the urge gets too big. If he asked you if it's okay to do this, you'd most likely say yes because you have nothing to hide. Just by now, your boyfriend has done it so often, he couldn't ask you for it or even admit that he's looked through your phone in the first place.

Taglist (sign-up link): @kaineedstherapy12 @zyuuuu @luvcalico @truegoist @vanitasbrainrot @acacIa @kermitslefteyeball11 @futuristicxie @bluelock4life @yuehailin @https-archangel @depressed-bitchy-demon @yellowelectroslime @nikokii @chaosinanutshell @quite-eerie @gojosorrygeto @remy-roll @userwithlotsoftime @astruosie @ririgards @kaiserkisser @mang05 @yerinsshi @thedaisy78 @rienniey @kalinkavx @rrueyuo @weichspuelertrinker @yueyingwrld @keiidaydreams @takorirei @sagejin @blueberrryui

[bnhxx]

I have GYAT to start writing about my best boy Carlos,,,,,members of the jury, it's time

SO MY MAN MY RESPECTFUL POOKIE 🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️🧎‍♀️

Personal

[Edit]: okay I took the liberty to actually organise this bc it was just verbal diarrhoea ksjsksj

Also this list is NOT exhaustive bc im always thinking up more shit about this man sksgdhdbd

- Man's got game but honestly I think if you did some cute n wholesome shit he would kagsishshw. Like he would have such a GOOFY smile on his face and eat that shit up. Gifts, handmade things, compliments, letters or little sticky notes you leave for him, it really bolsters his confidence. Not that he needs it, but it feels special and makes him warm and fuzzy inside.

-Whether you're always like that or it's a sometimes thing he's gonna tease you though.

"Aww, ya big softie,"

-like he's spent majority of his life in militias and such, he's not used to softness. Apart from the softness and protectiveness he showed his little brothers, and the softness that was shown to him by his mother-which was fleeting at best considering most memories of his childhood would be filled with the thievery he'd resort to to keep his family alive. Hes never really been encouraged to show it, either way-its seen as a weakness.

-and it's not to say Carlos is suffering from good old toxic masculinity, he holds sm respect for Jill and yes she leans into the more hardass fem cop role to protect herself and yes he also STILL flirts w her but tbh the fact that he's respectful and let's her brush him off without getting mad, that's still a big step imo

-bc he's literally been around those types of people for most to all his life. Raised by a militia, basically, and toxic masculinity is so rampant there simply because it's a good coping mechanism for having to fight and kill ppl all the time? Just, switch off those emotions. Don't feel bc you might go absolutely insane with the guilt if you do.

-so yeah, Carlos, though he certainly doesn't seem to be in the chokehold of toxic masculinity, he's still very much affected by it.

-But I think he'd lean on those around him in his journey to healing that sort of fight flight mode, all day, every day, macho man w a cigar hanging out of his mouth type persona.

- He's very much a, if I didn't have the people around me to support me, I wouldn't have gotten this far type of person. And he'll do the inner work if it means becoming a better version of himself.

-like my man's saw Umbrella and was like yeah nah fuck that

-and that takes GUTS. Tyrell really was right when he called Carlos a balsy such and such he has courage for days. So in conclusion he definitely would have the courage to go and heal for himself and others. 100%.

-Definitely takes me as the gym bro to make friends with everyone at the gym. He's there to shred and sometimes he's a little show off but hey, he worked for his gains why not show em off y'know?

- He'll also be the first to rope some asshole in if they're making someone uncomfortable. He likes going to the gym and he'd hate for it to become a place with a bad vibe, not on his watch!! So if he's in the gym is just chill vibes

-theres these dudes on tiktok that are gymbros but they're constantly playfully flirting or making dirty jokes w each other that's Carlos lol.

-I think Carlos would also like hiking. He wouldn't mind camping, so long as he's got a good group to go with-(that usually makes or breaks the camping trip imo) but he prefers to take a hike. The views are worth the pain, he says, trust me!

(You'll believe him when you get back to the picnic sites and he brings out the lunch he had prepped bc you wouldn't go without it jabsjshsjs)

"You're food is what's worth the pain, not the view, Carlos," (he would call you a gremlin for this but it's worth it to see his silly smile)

-Also, cooking!!! Carlos LOVES cooking it's canon. He prefers cooking for people because being able to see his friends or s.o's face when they try his food makes all the hard work worth it. He also gets to spend time with everyone which is a bonus! So if you're friends or dating, expect big dinner parties. As rowdy as they can be they're actually quite chill once everyone's had some of Carlos' special in their belly (we all rubbing our tummies like 🤰🤰🤰 after that food baby kahsisbsj)

Ideal type.

-ON that, he's very family oriented. Because of his upbringing and how he was raised to his personality, but yeah-man's had to fight for his family from day 1 p much. So big protective older brother vibes here. He'd definitely make a good dad!

-I can only see him as a military man bc of his upbringing 😭 but this man is DEF having a reflective moment at the end of RE:3 like while Jill's freaking out bc bye bye Racoon City and trauma he's like,,,okay idk if this life is the one I wanna LIVE so I think he dabbles his toes in a bunch of odd jobs here and there while he's in hiding, post RE:3.

-Like he learnt a LOT of employable skills from the military and he'd definitely go up the ranks but he??? Doesn't know what he really LOVES to do so??? He tries a lot of things tbh.

-In saying that his social circle is WILD. Like I'm talking he picks up a random person off the street, brings them to a party with some of his work colleagues and old workmates from his other job and everyone's Like WHAT do we all have in common 💀

-you know big silly man and you're all gonna love his cooking that's what!!

-he is a silly goofy guy he loves to joke around, but not at the expense of others!! So, he's actually got a lot of friends. They type of person that had loads of friends but only a couple of really close ones ngl.

- Also likes to make mundane things fun by inviting his friends. He's the type to call his friend up like, let's go grocery shopping together bc I hate doing this alone 💔

-and it's a two in one bc his friend is there!!

- I think his ideal type is someone whose not afraid to stand up for what's right. Assertive and forthright are bonuses, but at the end of the day he seeks someone whose moral compass aligned them with the good of people, or someone who cares about community, and others. Someone who, if they see something wrong, won't just look the other way.

-assertiveness and forthright is hot asf in a woman and he loves to see it!! (You and me both brother whew 🥴)

-I think also he comes from a background that's very community centered? So the whole individualistic culture of America and Western cultures would be a bit,,,strange. He'd at least want someone who is willing to have a community mindset bc he just wouldn't vibe too well w someone like that in the long run 🤧 Like it's not like he hates it but how??? Are you alive??? You live like this bro??? Y'all Western countries good????

- deal breakers for him are family, blatant assholes lmao, cheating, and gamblers.

-Hes pretty goofy too underneath it all so he'd want someone who he can be silly with. Someone who won't judge on that, who even plays along with him. He'd adore someone who he can just be silly with. My silly big guy.

-like PLEASE at least crack a smile at his jokes he would low-key take it personally if you didn't laugh or crack a smile when he's joking around or being silly (he would take it VERY personally but he'd stay chill on the outside lmao)

- he plays around a bit after RE:3 bc man's 21, like, what did you expect. But he's also upfront about what he expects from the relationship and expects them to be, too!

- I think he'd be the type to get jealous, if his s/o had a different life than his. Like, white picket fence, smart (this I'd big bc nowhere in Carlos' backstory does it say he had a formal education past military training 🥲), homebody type. Like, he feels almost out of place in their life. Like a stray they picked up off the road, and he needs reassurance that your not just there for his looks and his yummy beefy arms (but yes, he admits they're a plus)

-So someone who's in tune with their and others emotions would be great for him! An attentive s/o who isn't afraid to call out his jealousy (gently) and lovingly remind him that he's the only one they want. ESPECIALLY if it's looking like a long term relo!

-also he'd want someone who shares some hobbies bc he loves doing things w ppl he loves! So if you're not a nature person then honey, you got a big storm coming.

-also I think he'd give it a pass if you has opposite hobbies but you love learning about his ‼️‼️ like when he comes home from his camping trip his s/o is like, so, how was it? Or they're sharing him little camping tips and tricks online or cooking recipes, just show they're interested and talk about his hobbies even if they aren't into them. He'd love this just as much ‼️

-I actually think he'd do really well adopting kids too, because, if he can give a kid a better life?? Tbh just pitch it like that his whole 'for the blood of my family name' would go down p quick bc if he could save a kid from living a childhood he had to he would no light reaction ‼️

- family, because he wants to have a family of his own. He wants to have his own blood if he can which is strange my guy but I respect that. Sort of in a more traditional sense of like I survived and now my family will live a better life type mentality, keep the family tree going y'know?

- If his partner could not/does not want to have kids though I think he would try other forms like surrogacy or ivf or even adoption, because if he found someone he really loved at the end of the day a family isn't simply determined by blood. It might take him a while to get on board with tho but stand on business he'll wrap his head around it eventually.

-again, sort of going off the point earlier but just shitty or selfish people is a no go. Like not caring for others to the point of blatantly putting others at risk to get what you want, not feeling bad about it at all? that's a no no. Obvious reasons here, he fought against impossible odds to put the middle finger up to Umbrella for what they did soo what did you expect?

-cheating, because honesty is key. Cheating is pretty unanimous but like, Carlos is the type to not forgive that. Ever. How could you cheat on the baby boy like he's been through ENOUGH YOUR HONOUR 😭😭😭

-kind of unrelated but I have his dbd voice line of "You're gonna be okay, I promise," in my mind at all times of every day kahsjek

-gambling, because it's such a throw away of large amounts of money. It just doesn't seem right to Carlos. Addiction is hard to break, he gets it, but particularly in large amounts-gambling is just lowkey disturbing to him. He grew up poor so could not be him betting the chance to eat on huge amounts of money. Like he's desperate but he thinks gambling is a scam. Bc it is kshsidjd.

-ALSO there was this tiktok comment on how he paces infront of his s/o's house with flowers to hype himself up and ‼️ yes ‼️ he would so do this it makes me wanna cry thinking about it.

Misc.

-LIKE I could be in the clutches of the ENITITYS realm and still feel good bc Carlos is there, he may move like a turtle in dbd but my man's moving mountains keeping the team together give him a pass ‼️

-everyone saying bring Carlos back to re, capcom you left us in a cold, cruel, Carlos-less world, but, BUT....let's just imagine for a moment my man finally found peace after re3 and is just on a beach sipping mimosas. He deserves this he's spent his whole 21 years of his life fighting, give him peace I beg!

-let's live in the delulu that my man's finally got a break from all that shit 🤱

- I want him to just RelAx, take a load off, sit back and enjoy the sunshine after everything bc 😭😭😭

[eiloveir]

songs from my kinnie playlist that I would like to link with specific characters from naruto based on their traits

warnings: none, apart from possibly referencing a toxic personality or similar topics

a/n: just adopted the habit of using songs as inspiration for writing(i’m at a loss for blog ideas)

“if you need to be mean, be mean to me. i can take it and put it inside of me.”

uzumaki naruto

“just don’t leave me alone, wondering where you are. i’m stronger than what you give me credits for!”

it’s clear-cut—even people on tiktok have said his kindness is beyond what seems real. personally, i aim to give correct answers, but maybe i’ve just never met someone as genuinely kind as him before

he dealt with the villagers’ hate as the jinchuriki, knowing they wouldn’t like him, and worked hard for their acknowledgement.

“you can lean on my arms as you break my heart” is literally just the same when he said, “will you kill me calmly, sasuke?” LIKE HELL

this is his song, no further explanation needed.

uchiha sasuke

“it’s no surprise you turned out this way, when they closed their eyes and prayed you would change.”

honestly, it’s kind of difficult to find a song in this playlist that isn’t mentally connected to him (I relate to him so much, it’s painful)—but if I had to pick one that really stands out, it would be this one.

this song portrays the events that happened for him after meeting orochimaru. had he not crossed paths with itachi long after orochimaru’s invitation, he might have pursued an entirely different course of action.

“there are lessons to be learned and consequences for all the stupid things I say” he abandoned the village, parted ways with his friends, and sacrificed everything to gain power because, in his conviction, it was the only path to defeating his brother. his sole purpose in life became to eliminate him.

“I wanna contribute to the chaos, and that is the decicion I have made.” if i were in his position, I might have made the same choices. it’s hard to blame him considering he witnessed the tragic fate of his family and clan, all without knowing the truth behind their deaths.

and he shouldn’t be blamed for holding hatred towards Itachi. like, the fuck you mean, “he should have just asked for an explanation”

haruno sakura

“i don’t care, i just want to be apart.”

this is the foremost thought I have when I think of her. despite my disappointment (blame the author, jk) with how her character was portrayed, it only deepened my attachment for her.

her lack of fighting scene, despite almost three years of training, is what made her battle with Chiyo so meaningful to me.

her desire to change herself because she feels burdensome to her team is highly relatable. unlike most of her friends who possess kekkei genkai abilities, she was born without any power, which makes her situation similar to tenten and lee.

she also yearns to be regarded as an equal member of the team, rather than someone who merely supports from the sidelines. (unfortunately, the author struggled to write her character well, especially as the heroine character.)

hatake kakashi

“feels like we had matching wounds, but mine's still black and bruised, and yours is perfectly fine now. feels like we buried alive something that never died. so, god, it hurt when i found out.”

the loss of obito and rin has left him with severe emotional scars. scars that are still deep and neglected.

although he has made an effort to hide his feelings of regret and guilt over the deaths of his friends, they have persisted to haunt him.

it was a great shock for him to learn that obito, the man he had believed to be dead, had actually been alive during the shinobi war. it brought up old grudges and made him face his resentment for his erstwhile partner and friend.

well... he has remained at the exit thus far because he is the only member of his squad to survive, but he has already gained friends that he will always think of as family.

uchiha itachi

bruh, my playlists are filled with songs that genuinely speak to the uchiha “doomed” brothers, man. i’m unable to make a proper decision because everything is related to them.

“be the one, be the one to take my soul and make it undone. be the one, be the one to take me home and show me the sun.”

the worst of his suffering comes from being forced to be a spy for a criminal organization; his duty as a shinobi is far from over, even when he kills his clan and everything.

he followed through on his mission, keeping everyone in the dark about his pain and suffering alone without anyone asking him how he was doing! (they could never make me hate you)

he did, in fact, dehumanize his brother because, in his defense, it would help sasuke become a skilled konoha shinobi and seek revenge against him using his own gained power. but as he himself stated, what he did to him simply made matters worse.

uchiha obito

“take aim to obtain a new name and a newer place but my name is lame, i can't walk and i ain't the same and my name became a new destiny to the grave.”

he’s neither obito, tobi, or Madara, but he’s a “no one”

he kept committing crimes in order to acknowledge his dream of a utopia called tsukoyomi, where everyone would live in peace and no one would be consumed by hatred as he was.

although he was tricked into thinking that nothing would change unless he followed madara’s instance and listened to what he had to say, he wasn’t brainwashed by the fact that he wanted to do the tsukoyomi thing.

“repentance is taking commission, it’s taking a toll on my soul.”

for his part in the deaths and suffering of numerous people, including his friends and supporters, obito bears a great deal of sorrow and regret for his deeds. he aspires to atone for his previous deeds throughout the whole show. he tries to make amends and accepts responsibility for his faults.

[cosmichighpriestess]

Chosen Ones, Cursebreakers, Black Sheep, the cycle of abuse, poverty, curses on our bloodline ends with YOU. We will say it again, you SEE the TRUTH so the toxic cycles end with you. Congratulations on completing your missions and passing all your tests with flying colors. We were thrown into the lion's den time and time again and how did we survive? How did we do it? We saw through the darkness and the father of lies, all the negativity and negative thoughts,(all illusions) the spiritual warfare and realized we were looking at our shadows, we were observing lower versions of ourselves, unevolved versions of ourselves.

We didn't deny our darkness while we spent time in isolation for years. We didn't pretend to be all love and light. We embraced both our light and our darkness. We brought light to our darkness on our darkest days. We talked ourselves out of following the crowd and old ways of thinking. We understood that we were capable of being abusive too but everyday we chose not to be consciously. We understood that these toxic people, our loved ones were so misguided, so lost, so filled with self hatred, so dissociated from their reality that they didn't even realize they were abusive and living in denial of their true selves and we had compassion for them even when they showed us little to no mercy.

When we left them, even emotionally and mentally while still physically around them, and then actually physically left them, we felt nothing but relief and freedom. We didn't miss them at all. But now they miss us in a crippling way. Tell me, how can you miss someone who never loved you unconditionally? It was their failure in the relationship to love you and they failed to reciprocate the amount of love and acceptance that you were able to give them. You have nothing to cry over, only "losing yourself" temporarily and giving your Divine love to people unwilling to accept it or you for the beautiful being you are. If you think for one moment that you miss them, you really actually only miss yourself.

They are feeling so much guilt right about now, wishing they had treated you better. But they are not sorry for what they did and they will do it again if you give them the chance. Remember, we are never separate from anyone or anything, separation is an illusion, so it's okay if you miss them but you really miss the feeling YOU created while you were with them. You sacrificed so much of yourself for ungrateful people, who never appreciated you, who just wanted to use you.

These energy vampires were draining the life out of you daily, and you were sacrificing rare, beautiful, loving parts of yourself and they were just taking, and taking, and taking what didn't belong to them. Wild, they had that much audacity to use and abuse you for years. They tried to take your crown off of your head, but it never belonged to them in the first place. They could not walk a mile in your shoes.

They don't know how much integrity it takes to be a Queen or a King. You didn't lose a real loving friend, a real loyal lover, an unconditionally loving parent, a supportive family member ect. THEY lost the only real unconditionally loving one in their reality. You lost every fake, user, abuser, controlling, manipulative, liar, evil person holding you back. They wouldn't know real love if it hit them in the face. Trust and believe that you received it all back the moment you decided to cut them out. You will receive back everything that you lost back then, the Universe will give you double, triple--a million times repaid for your trouble and what they took from you, because you never really lost yourself-- you just forgot you could take your power back. No one can ever take your power away from you or make you feel inferior without your consent. Sit on your throne and stay there, never lower yourself for anyone again.

[angstyaches]

here is a Shayne and Charlie “first line” - asking on anon because for some reason my requests don’t always go through when I use my account, but this is @lisupanddown

“Later, Shayne had to admit that he hadn’t seen this coming, although with as uptight as Charlie had been lately, he probably should have. “ For Charlie getting sick because of stress over some particular (but not huge) issue that he’d been repressing. Only if you want and feel inspired, of course.

Hi, Lis! Thanks so much for the request 🖤 Time for some more Waters family drama!

Word Count: 855

CW: anxiety, emeto, mention of toxic family members.

AO3

___

Later, Shayne had to admit that he hadn’t seen this coming, although with as uptight as Charlie had been lately, he probably should have. Maybe this could have all been dealt with in good time, and not at the last minute.

Charlie’s breath was ragged as he tugged at the suit jacket that he had been wearing for less than two minutes. The seams pulled tight across his shoulders with every retch that had him doubling over.

“Here – I’ve got it.” Shayne reached for the Charlie’s shoulders. Charlie straightened his back and went slack, breathing deeply and shutting his eyes until Shayne got the jacket off. Now he was standing in his shirtsleeves, which Shayne now realised was far from ideal.

But before Shayne could suggest taking the shirt off too, Charlie clutched the back of the toilet and retched another stream of vomit into the bowl.

Shayne went to hang the suit jacket on one of the hangers that didn’t come free of the wardrobe railing. His hands shook, making the task a more prolonged one than it should have been, especially since he could hear Charlie continuing to be sick in the bathroom.

When Shayne got back, Charlie had a hand pressed to his stomach, and Shayne’s gut pulsed with sympathy before he realised that Charlie was holding his tie in place.

Shayne moved a little closer and slipped his hand around Charlie’s waist. Charlie had spent so long getting himself ready, and looked so polished and fancy, that Shayne almost felt as though he shouldn’t touch him and risk wrecking anything.

“Thank you,” Charlie whispered. He leaned forward with his hands on his knees, now that he didn’t have to worry about the tie. He let out a tight, quiet belch, and a groan. “Shit. Are we going to be late?”

“No,” Shayne said, even though he had no idea of the exact time. At least nobody was blowing up Charlie’s phone to say they were waiting in the lobby – yet. He tugged Charlie’s tie up over his shoulder, but still kept one hand on Charlie’s stomach. “Just… take your time. You're fine.”

“I don’t want to go,” Charlie groaned. His body shuddered with a dry retch.

He had said the exact same thing the night before, when they’d been casually discussing how many of Charlie’s unbearable relatives Jonathan had invited to Belle's christening. Shayne had thought that Charlie had just been venting; he hadn’t realised that his anxiety had been this bad.

Shayne looked at the glossy blue and navy pattern on Charlie's tie, held over Charlie's shoulder. Charlie had struggled with it earlier that morning, and had cursed at himself in the mirror and worked himself into a Charlie Two-level rage.

Shayne had kissed him and calmed him down and offered to tie it for him, which Charlie had listlessly agreed to. Shayne had been willing to accept that Charlie would be in a better mood after some breakfast and coffee.

Should have seen it. Shayne's chest felt tight, but he fought the weight of the guilt and tried to focus on what he could do. He knew Charlie wasn’t serious about not going; Shayne knew he couldn’t suggest skipping the church, not without suggesting that Charlie decline being Belle’s godfather. And that would break Charlie’s heart.

“Ugh.” Charlie stood and put his hand on Shayne’s, pressing them both into his tummy. He let out a strangled groan.

“Are you gonna be okay?”

Charlie sighed. “Yeah, I’ll be fine. I just wish my stomach would stop doing backflips.”

Shayne let go of Charlie's tie and wrapped Charlie in a hug. Even after being sick, Charlie smelled strongly of aftershave and hair gel.

“Careful – I don’t know how clean my shirt is anymore,” Charlie murmured sadly.

“You’re fine.”

“Mmmm.” Charlie pressed his forehead to Shayne’s shoulder. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I never used to be this stressed about seeing them.”

“I’ll be there, too.”

“I know,” Charlie groaned, as though that weren’t a reassurance, but a complaint. He gestured towards the bed. “If you want to just stay here and avoid dealing with all of them, I’ll understand.”

“Did you throw up your last brain cell? I’m not doing that.”

Charlie nodded. “Just make sure you sit with my mum in the church, okay?”

“’Course,” Shayne said, not only because Charlie had already told him to do so several times. He’d seen how uncomfortable Ingrid got at big Waters family gatherings, and was starting to allow himself to think she appreciated his company.

A buzzing rang out through the room; Charlie had left his phone sitting in front of the TV.

Charlie sniffled as he pulled back from the hug. “Shit.”

“You,” Shayne said, planting his hands on Charlie’s shoulders, “keep getting ready. But take your time.”

Charlie’s gaze wandered towards his phone. “But Jon’s gonna fucking yell at me –”

“I’ll answer it.” Shayne drew a breath. “Let him yell at me.”

“Aw.” A smile cracked through Charlie’s queasy expression. He smoothed down his tie against his belly as Shayne walked away from him. “That’s weirdly romantic.”

[ihopesocomic]

(Apologies for the incoming wall of text.)

I don't know if there's room in the story as currently planned, but could Jasper's parents be alive to adopt Hope as their granddaughter? It might be rocky at first, but I think it might be interesting and impactful.

I want to think it's because Hope deserves older family members in her life who aren't either her abusers or dead (when she is perfectly capable of finding her own found family). I want to think it'd be cathartic for Jasper's parents to reconcile their son's sins by helping someone both born of and deeply harmed by his choices (they probably tried by helping out their pride after he was kicked out, possibly succeeding in setting down the guilt as much as they were going to).

But to be honest it's probably because Jasper's parents being alive might be the closest thing to having Clever back without pulling near-DBZ-level death-defanging.

I love Clever so much and didn't want her to die, but Vicious's immediate dismissal of her death cut the anchor keeping Hope in her toxic family environment, because if Clever could be tossed under the Jasper-support-bus so easily then there was no hope of Vicious valuing Hope herself. Not without either seeing or experiencing Jasper's treachery first-hand, anyway.

I don't count her seeing Quiet's body as witnessing it first-hand because, while Vicious probably could tell it was a lion that did it, I can see her doing the mental gymnastics to assume it was a rival male and that Jasper was lying to keep the family from panicking about the "threat".

..... I should probably be concerned I can see that... but I used to have a bad habit of trusting the wrong people despite all the retroactively obvious signs and all the people literally warning me they were bad.

Kinda hate that I can see bits of myself in Vicious, but I guess that's how well-written she is - she has enough depth to invoke even hesitant empathy, even though she is still absolutely wrong and horrible.

Anon why u gotta present groundbreaking arguments like this? lol

But in all seriousness, as the comic progresses, you'll see exactly why we don't have plans to include them. Don't worry, we've taken everything you've said about Hope into account and it is important to us too but I do feel that we have filling the void she has covered. I certainly do want them to be mentioned at the very least.

As for you seeing yourself in Vicious, it's certainly interesting how you feel you can relate to her like that. I think it's because she is ultimately a victim and victims... don't always respond in utterly perfect ways? Does it excuse their actions? Absolutely not. But it says a lot about how serious abuse can be when it shifts your perspective on so much. What is real and isn't real. What is and isn't the truth. What is right and isn't right. It's very scary and it can have a tendency to leave lasting damage on you. But it's ultimately how you personally deal with that damage that defines you. And I mean you as in general, not you you. I'm sorry about the things that I've happened to you but you seem very perspective and kind despite those things so good on you for coming out the other end with those attributes intact. c: - RJ

[nerdby]

Am trying to rebuild my library and this is the first book I've bought in like a year. I'm going to be a lot more selective about the types of books that I buy, though, because I don't want to end up with a shelf full of books that I hate. Again. Like I have literally avoided buying certain books because they offend other people -- people who are NOT me. And I'm just not doing that anymore. Because I am self-aware enough to know not to emulate certain toxic behaviors. I am capable of discerning fact from fiction, and I am allowed to enjoy media without condoning the characters' actions.

Like I recently read The Wasp Factory by Iain Banks, and it was the most fucked up mindfuck of a book I have ever read and it was also vaguely queerphobic. It was also a really good book, though, and I know that whatever that book says about queer people is not true. And if I ever met someone stupid enough to think that it was true I would laugh in their face.

I don't care if my purchases offend you. I am not knowingly, willingly giving money to fucking Nazis -- I rented The Wasp Factory from the library. I would never go out of my way to purposely act like a eugenicist fuckwit. Unfortunately, though, I am only human and I can be very ignorant sometimes. I'm gonna fuck up from time to time.

But I am not going to bend over fucking backwards to keep from offending random internet strangers who are stupid enough to get sucked down the Satanic Panic rabbit hole because they don't know how to fact check and are unable to discern fact from fiction. I am not obligated to read shit, alright? I am not going to be guilted into buying specific books -- if I buy a copy of The Autobiography Of Malcolm X it's because I think Malcolm X is fucking awesome and an absolute icon. Which he is but I need to go about unlearning my harmful tendencies my way at my pace.

In the meantime, I am just gonna keep enjoying my fucked up books and my fucked up movies. Anyone who doesn't like that can shove it up their ass.

Also I still think book hoarding is fucking stupid and not something that should be joked about. My family members have hoarding tendencies, okay? And frankly I would want them to stage an intervention if I ever ended up with 500 books in my 800sq ft apartment.

[jewishrizahawkeye]

since my antidepressants are working i’ve develop the ability to hypetfixate again! so yall get to enjoy my royai moments im thinking of for my gravity falls au!

royai moments in my gravity falls au:

roy and riza grow up together in gravity falls. i’m thinking roy ends up studying there for similar reasons to my in series headcanon. his aunt wanted him to get out of the city and she has connections with grumman who tells her about berthold hawkeye. roy ends up going there in the summer as part of a summer program and then again in the winter. he then eventually ends up living there year round and studying with the hawkeyes. riza and him develop a friendship over the years and eventually a crush on each other.

because berthold is working with bill cipher he ends up spying on them. one night roy is calling back to home and talking to mae’s hughes. he says he doesn’t know how to flirt with riza and needs help. hughes says he should as his aunt but roy says “over my dead body”. cipher then enters his dreams and says he’s helping master hawkeye with his research and saw he needed help. cipher then gives him dating tips, they’re all terrible as he’s trying to get roy out of the house because he knows he’s smart enough to see through him. riza finds it funny and awkward so it has the opposite affect bill wants. this comes to a head when they kiss. cipher knows he has to get rid of roy.

cipher invades his dreams that night. he shows him a vision of the future where riza is killed by him staying. cipher says either he stays and gets her killed or he leaves and saves her. roy then buys a bus ticket home and leaves the next day, he doesn’t tell riza why. riza is a distraught and hurt, cipher uses this to his advantage and gains her trust.

roy eventually comes back for her fathers funeral. she pulls him aside and asks him to burn her back, which now has this:

roy is terrified and riza fills him in on what’s happened since he’s been gone, vaguely. riza asks him to bury her fathers research far away and never return. roy is angry and they fight. while fighting riza is accidentally pushed up against the portal and her backs burned, while roy’s checks on her the portal activates. riza sees this and pushes roy out of the way before he can be sucked in. she ends up being sucked in. it’s similar to the vision bill showed him, giving him terrible guilt.

roy starts living at the hawkeyes house and poses as his family member, no one second guess it because berthold was reclusive and they think roy was his son (assume riza was someone not related because berthold liked roy more). he works in secret rebuilding the portal and trying to figure out how to bring riza home. one summer riza’s uncle, hohenheim, asks him to watch his kids while he and trisha travel. roy try’s to say no but loses to trisha. he then spends the summer with ed and al.

after riza is brought back they both fight and it’s clear their friendship is on shaky ground. because of this al decides he is going to make them friends again. ed is strongly against this because he doesn’t want to get involved in whatever they have going on. al eventually convinces him and they decide to do the parent trap with them. this is how ed and al find out more about roy and rizas childhood. once both ed and al find out roy left right after riza and him kissed they both decide they have to get HIM to apologize. the plan works somewhat but it doesn’t completely rebuild their friendship, but they’re not fighting and on somewhat better terms. mainly they’ll be in the same room together without fighting.

their relationship builds more over the following weeks, much to bill ciphers dismay as he’s watching them still. (my ideal relationship for billford is a toxic homoerotic friendship solely on bills side without ford knowing bill has romantic feels for him and for thinking he’s so smart and cool. i want this idea carried over to this au by having bill be fucking pissed and jealous because of riza liking roy.)

one day while ed and al are looking for something to do they stumble across DnD, they decide to try and play it with only ed liking the game. when riza and roy find both of them roy is excited, he’s been looking for the box for years, and riza audibly groans. al gets roy to take his place so he can help riza with something, they both just want an out from playing. ed and roy both start playing and start to get along. roy finds a random dice in rizas stuff and decides to use it because they lost their 32 sided dice. this ends up summoning a wizard cause it’s the infinite sided dice. now riza and al have to save them by playing the game with the wizard and they’re both annoyed. after ed and roy are safe the four of them play together. (while they’re playing roy rolls the 32 sided dice between his fingers and riza finds it really hot and no one notices except roy who’s confused why she’s looking at him so intently.)

that’s about how far i’ve gotten. i’ll update as more ideas come to mind

[the-owl-tree]

Your post about Sandgorse makes me think that Tallstars’ revenge would have been an excellent way to explore how it feels to grieve a parent who was either toxic or straight up abusive. The thing is, most people without wanting or meaning to, do deify the recently deceased, tend to remember only the good moments or minimize the bad. Having Talltail realize at the end that his father was truly abusive, and that even if the hurt he feels is understandable, he was not a good father and he doesn’t need to feel guilty for moving on, would have been a pretty good lesson towards the younger audience. I’m saying this as someone who went through a similar experience with a family member, was relating to Talltail’s guilt and stress about lack of closure, and then felt utterly betrayed when the books painted Sandgorse as a good parent and Talltail as someone that needed to “make up” for him . They even present Palebird as somehow being worse, when she was experiencing post partum depression on top of losing a child (this seems to be a recurring theme in warriors, since Sparkpelt goes through nearly the same thing)

Absolutely agree with you! The first half of Tallstar’s Revenge sets this up: Tallstar needs to learn to accept he can’t keep envisioning Sandgorse as a hero he needs to live up to. I love stories about rocky relationships with guardians, of children who have to grow up and realize they can’t be the person their parents want them to be (or that their parents won’t become someone they want them to be). It’s good juicy drama and often times these stories are satisfying in the sense of seeing people grow and move on. But it doesn’t happen.

The recurring theme of fathers in warriors is that there never needs to be a reckoning of their absence (Stormtail) or their shotty treatment of their children (Sandgorse and Raggedstar). The narrative either twists it around so that the father’s shitty behavior is never acknowledged, or worse, it completely puts the blame on the mother figures in the situation (once again, not excusing Lizardstripe or whatever being abusive but like….why does the cat who talks about how it’s unfair toms don’t have to give up anything when having children become the abusive mom. Can we think critically here. Raggedstar abuses both Yellowfang and plays a part in Brokenstar’s rise to power and he’s a fucking footnote compared to her).

Just a note for this next session on Palebird, I’m moreso talking about her from a writing perspective. Not as a real mother with PPD. That’s a distinction I want to make clear.

I think the thing that bothers me more about Palebird’s story is that she is absent in Tallstar’s life as a child, she doesn’t defend him from her father and her arc is wrapped up by, not talking with her son or asking for support from her Clanmates, but by remarrying and having more children. It’s a baffling and, with the rest of the series treatment of mothers in mind, shitty way to conclude her story.

I will fight tooth and nail that Sparkpelt being able to rely on other queens to ensure that her children were cared for was GOOD and NOT NEGLECT. What’s the alternative? A depressed mother who can barely care for herself takes care of two children as well? There’s nothing wrong with asking for help, there’s nothing wrong with leaning on community for support. ESPECIALLY if it means two children will be cared for, the prioritization of Sparkpelt being the sole caretaker would’ve put Finchkit and Flamekit in a much worse situation.

But Palebird doesn’t get that help and the story, from what I remember, never really comments on that? It’s a bit of a mess. I’m not fond of how they wrote her. Honestly, both Sandgorse and Palebird are interesting conceptually but the execution and resolutions of their characters is just sort of “I want to throw these two in the trash and start from scratch” energy to me lol

[kye-865]

I’ve always had a really big love for writing. I love putting all of my thoughts and big feelings into characters and it’s really helped me get through some moments in my life that I don’t think I wouldve been able to get through to the point I am now without it.

I’m going to get slightly (very emotional) sappy here so bear with me.

I found Fable whilst in the middle of experiencing so much loss and grief. It was just after loosing two older family members and just before loosing a really young family member and then being in a really toxic friendship group that was in the process of kicking me out and I was so wrapped up in grief and guilt and anger.

I found Fable smp when I felt so alone in the world and it’s given me such a like comfort space online. I’ve gotten to create so much that I’m so proud of but that has also really helped me.

I struggle creating the initial ideas to make a character. Once I’m there, I can create the character properly, but I struggle so much with creating characters.

We are all very very aware at this point that I enjoy exploring emotions within my fics. Even if the fic doesn’t look like it’s exploring some sort of emotion, it is, I can assure you of that.

I think my absolute favourite fic I’ve ever written is “love, loss and grief” because it was me exploring what my grief is but through Rae’s grief for everyone he’s lost. It was so heavily based on my experiences of losing two family members, then my entire friend group and then a really young family member and my thought processes through that.

My favourite line from that fic is “it’s the last act of love that those you’ve lost give. It is hanging onto those memories that you created and leading you to create new ones.”

I didn’t get to say goodbye to the people I lost and I tried really hard to convince myself that it was okay and in the end I had to look at it as a whole and realise that it’s not okay but my grief is because I loved these people so much.

It took so long for me to realise that grief is not something that can be fixed because there’s nothing broken about it.

And in the year and a half of losing all of that and trying to cope with things that were constantly changing, my writing was something that remained constant. It was something that I could control. I ran the storyline. I chose the emotions. It was something I could just pour my emotions into it even when I didn’t entirely know what I was feeling.

I struggled a lot with feeling like I couldn’t do anything of worth. It was like nothing I made was ever going to be anything. But it is something. And seeing how much people actually like what I make. I look at my ao3 account and see like even just the kudo count and I honestly cry about it. Because my writing used to be for me and my mum and now there’s actual real other people reading what I’ve written and they enjoy it.

I found Fable start-mid season two and was initially like “this going to be a little comfort thing I can watch” and then it got to Halloween of season two and that was where I went “I relate to some of these characters more than I’d care to admit” and then it got to early season three when Rae was trying to cope with his anger.

That hit home a bit as I would accidentally lash out at people when I was grieving and then I’d feel absolutely awful once I had stepped away from the situation and to see that in a character was so cool.

And that goes for all of the characters. I can relate to or at least sympathise with every character in some way and to see things and emotions and all sorts that isn’t typically shown in media actually be shown is so cool.

I went from having no friends and only sharing my work with my mum, to feeling like I belong somewhere in a community and for that I will be forever grateful

Anyway, this was just going to be an appreciation post for fanfiction and turned more into an appreciation post for Fable and the community.

Anyway I will at some point maybe actually write a proper appreciation post possibly but for now, please just know how much I appreciate everyone who has ever even looked at something I’ve created.

I just-

thank you to the Fable smp cast and thank you to the community

[daselfcareguy]

Nurturing Healthy Boundaries: A Guide to Prioritizing Self-Care in Relationships

In our journey through life, we encounter various relationships that shape and influence us. Friends and family play significant roles in our emotional well-being, but at times, maintaining healthy boundaries becomes essential for our own growth and mental health. It's crucial to recognize that setting boundaries isn't a sign of selfishness; rather, it's an act of self-preservation and self-respect.

Boundaries serve as the invisible lines that define where our responsibility ends and someone else's begins. They're the framework that guides healthy interactions, ensuring mutual respect and understanding. Setting boundaries isn't about building walls; instead, it's about creating space for authentic connection and maintaining emotional balance.

Without clear boundaries, relationships can become emotionally draining or even toxic. Constantly saying yes to others' demands or sacrificing our needs for the sake of harmony can lead to resentment, burnout, and a diminished sense of self-worth. Boundaries empower us to prioritize our well-being while fostering healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

Effective communication is key to establishing and maintaining boundaries. Expressing our needs, desires, and limitations openly and assertively allows others to understand and respect our boundaries. It's essential to communicate with compassion and empathy, recognizing that setting boundaries isn't about blaming or rejecting others but rather about honoring our own needs.

Friendships are precious, but they can also be challenging to navigate, especially when boundaries are blurred. Whether it's setting limits on how often you're available to hang out or expressing discomfort with certain topics of conversation, being honest with friends about your boundaries strengthens trust and respect in the relationship.

Family dynamics can be complex, and setting boundaries with family members may feel particularly daunting. However, prioritizing your mental and emotional well-being is essential, even within familial relationships. Whether it's establishing boundaries around personal space, communication frequency, or respect for your lifestyle choices, assertively asserting your needs fosters healthier family dynamics.

Just as we expect others to respect our boundaries, it's equally important to honor the boundaries of those around us. Being attentive and responsive to cues indicating discomfort or reluctance demonstrates empathy and fosters mutual respect in relationships.

Setting boundaries is an act of self-care. It's about acknowledging our worth and prioritizing our needs without guilt or apology. By nurturing healthy boundaries, we cultivate a greater sense of self-awareness, authenticity, and emotional resilience, enabling us to navigate relationships with grace and integrity.

Embracing boundaries isn't always easy, but the rewards of increased emotional well-being and stronger, more authentic connections are invaluable.

[tonedeafkunst]

Just like we're able to recognise that the brain doesn't know how to differentiate between perceived, but ultimately inexistent, threats and real ones, I wish we could recognise that the brain also doesn't know how to differentiate levels of trauma. Physical injuries often manifest through psychological symptoms and viceversa. Things that would never affect a member of a particular culture are deeply impacting for folks of different traditions. Children and teenagers are much more susceptible to "small" violations and suffer much more from them than adults. This in itself is a good argument against ever trying to compare traumas.

But I feel this is also a large reason why we shouldn't judge anyone using fiction to cope even when they aren't a survivor themselves. Different kinds of trauma are perceived differently from a person to another, for sure, but also- your brain doesn't know what "the worst" is until it experiences it. The brain feels distressed and relates every other conditions of pain on a scale of personal experience.

Seeing someone relate their trauma to someone else's or to a fictional character might feel shameful and cringe, especially in the realm of fiction where trauma can be depicted as obscenely raw and cruel and extreme as the author can conjure. But you need to remember- to their mind, just like to your own, trauma feels like violence, unmitigated, one with physical suffering.

Guilt can feel like having killed those you love with your own hands. Rejection from your family becomes suffering years of domestic abuse. Being unwanted mirrors a loneliness that brings to insanity. Abandonment issues become the toxic relationship between being wanted and feeling assaulted. Social stigma gives you superpowers in fiction, only because it goes without saying that even your normality is a grotesque monster to people around you.

The brain Speaks through metaphors because it's trying to work out the disconnect between what has happened to it and the gravity that was perceived. And I don't think we get to judge that. I think we need to be kind with the notion that everyone has had the worst thing that's ever happened to them happen to them.

[perzysprumia]

SUNSTRA SAETAN.

full name: sunstra saetan (soon-struh say-tahn)

nickname: sun, suns, saeta, sae

species: vampire

turned by: beatrice mikaelson

age: 200+ 20

birthday: march 13th, 1796

zodiac: pisces sun, taurus moon, leo rising

gender: cisgender woman

pronouns: she/her

sexuality: pansexual

race: southeast asian (thai)

hair color / style: blonde (bleached) / long. usually worn straightened and down.

eye color: deep brown

height: 167cm / 5’6”

skills/traits/personality: painfully optimistic, does not own up to mistakes, gullible, toxic in relationships, romanticizes drama and will cause it just for fun, difficult to keep around for too long, playful and unserious majority of the time, argumentative, childish, doesn’t take much seriously, self reliant/sufficient, uses compulsion to absolve herself of blame or guilt, social butterfly and has a lot of surface-level friends, will cause violence or chaos when bored (something she picked up from beatrice), head in the clouds constantly, obsessed with being perceived as “cute” or having a “cute” persona, noncommittal, possessive over beatrice, a little neurotic, passive aggressive, extremely submissive.

family: all deceased

fandom: fandomless, but loosely based in the originals.

faceclaim: lalisa manoban

H I S T O R Y :

Born to a wealthy family of jewel and marble merchants under King Rama I in what is now Nonthaburi, Thailand, Sunstra was raised within a good, loving home. While her parents were quite busy with the family trade, her grandparents helped to raise Sunstra and her older brother. They both received copious amounts of attention and care from their parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. The entire family operated as a unit to help keep not only the family business going, but keep the youngest members of it happy and healthy.

Sunstra’s childhood and teenage years happened without a single bump in the road; she learned more about the family business as she got older and helped her mother, aunts, and cousins clean and polish the jewels and marble the men brought back from their family-owned mines. She was able to keep quite a bit of the things her family turned these raw materials into, whether it be because the jewels were chipped or the marble was cracked. Eventually, Sunstra would turn these extras into her own personal fortune by selling or trading them for riches, money, assets, etc over the decades. She does, however, still have very personal pieces that were handcrafted by her, her mother, or her grandmother.

In 1815 at the age of 19, Sunstra met a foreigner by the name of Beatrice Garrett at the new year festival of Songkran in the spring. The two became close friends very quickly, and over the course of a year, fell in love with each other. Beatrice reveals her supernatural nature to Sunstra after a long while, and Sunstra becomes completely fascinated with the supernatural world. She wanted to know everything about it, everything that Beatrice knew, everything that Beatrice could show her. She eventually asks to be turned into a vampire and Beatrice does so enthusiastically. She spends around a decade teaching Sunstra the ins and outs of vampirism as well as traveling with her, but after several fights about how Sunstra refuses to kill people without cause and Beatrice accusing Sunstra of becoming a different person after turning and using her for power, the two end their romantic relationship for a short time, but always keep in contact and end up coming back to each other.

After Sunstra and Beatrice split for the first time, Sunstra returns to Thailand to check in on her family, which she continues to do over the decades as well. The first time, however, she is met with animosity and is accused of being turned into a demon by the foreigner she ran off with because she has not aged since she left. While that is technically true, it still hurts coming from her family and her brother especially. Sunstra ends up compelling all of them to ignore the fact that she does not age, and tells future generations of her family that she is a cousin. She gives her brother a vial of her blood and compels him to keep it secret, but also to use it as medicine in the instance that anyone become injured.

A short while after she leaves, Sunstra’s brother Suriya, now in his early 30s, ingests Sunstra’s blood to help heal an injury sustained in their family’s marble mine, but the cut had been too infected and he used the blood too late. He died with her blood in his system and became a vampire, with absolutely no knowledge of what he was or how to control himself. He feeds from and kills a large portion of their family – including his own wife – then runs away. When Sunstra returns to check on her family in the late 1800s, she is seen as a bad omen or curse on their family, as the last time she came around is when her brother lost his mind and became a monster. They attempt to kill her, but do not succeed. She compels them to forget her and her brother, and sets out to find him. She is unsuccessful thus far, but keeps an eye on serial murders in Thailand just in case anything looks suspicious.

Over the decades, Sunstra has developed an adoration for media of all kinds, but mostly romances. Whether it be books, theater, film, or television, she thoroughly enjoys the ups and downs of romance drama and consistently transposes it into her romantic relationships – but mostly within her relationship with Beatrice. She knows Beatrice will match her intensity and drama without blinking and she treats their romance like an ongoing Jane Austen novel.

Sunstra recently visited Beatrice in New Orleans but left after a few weeks because Beatrice had only called her there to try and start a small poly relationship between her and Artemis/Jekyll Hyde. Because of Jekyll’s overly abrasive nature and dislike of her, Sunstra became heavily intimidated and overwhelmed. She dramatically “broke up” with Beatrice and left the country. She is now residing in Queensland, Australia doing modeling work.