#saw a rainbow for the first time in god knows actually how long and it was a double rainbow i literally almost

[alphalesbian]

.

[cowgirlcherrie]

florist! abby Headcanons ໒꒰ྀི´ ˘ ` ꒱ྀིა

a/n: something quick n sweet you knowwwww got this random thought and had to write it I couldn’t resist I couldn’t. I also saw that no one done florist! abby(?) so I wanted to be the first to hop on! plus I missed writing for Abs — my baby, so enjoy ♡

warnings: 18+, MDNI, some fluff, gets smuttier halfway in, strap, blowjob (strap), eating you out, mentions of obsessive behaviors, polaroid nudes-ish, fingering, edging, public-sex-ishh, soft dom! Abby, tatted! Abby. Hinted at smoker Abby if you squint, petnames, fingers in mouth, masturbation, use of the word mommy, use of the word pussy, fem reader.

divider creds here

ೀ florist! Abby wears a basic white cropped t-shirt and black dickies under her beige apron. Her apron has a rainbow flag pin, with black pliers in one pocket. Doc Martins on her feet, tied miserably into a bow, it’s a miracle she doesn’t trip around the flower shop. She has a carabiner on her belt loop that jingles every time she walks. 

– apart from smelling like the flowers (obvi bc of where she works) smells like heavy pine and fresh soap, like forget the additives – just clean if ykyk

ೀ florist! Abby gets little patchwork tattoos in random places: a dainty lavender tattoo on her wrist, a little crescent moon behind her ear, paw prints on her bicep for her late dog Alice, a ‘gentle artist’ in bolded times new roman font – but dainty on her forearm. Her knuckles are tatted spelling out “FUCK YOU”.

ೀ florist! Abby that has a ‘Save the Bees!’ sticker on the back of her phone case. Super Bee activist.

ೀ florist! Abby who spends all day in the floral shop, playing music from her playlist on the shop’s aux, slightly swaying to the music as she works on a bouquet. She works with such prestige, god her hands work so quickly at building arrangements but the outcome is so beautiful and that’s why she has many customers. She definitely uses any leftover flowers as bookmarks for her books.

ೀ florist! Abby who’s aux will go from Lauryn Hill to Boy Genius to Mac Miller — she gets compliments on her music taste by customers all the time.

ೀ florist! Abby stops working on a bouquet when you walk into the store because of how confused you look. Wanting to save a damsel in distress. Abby moves from her place at the counter walking over to where you stood looking at the different types of flowers, creeping behind you. You smell divine to her, driving her head crazy knowing that your scent alone will be stuck in her head all day. The floral shop is a slow yet steady business, so Abby definitely doesn’t forget a face or a smell. The form-fitting dress you wore that day, the way your hands bunched at the fabric in confusion had her head spinning!

“Beautiful aren’t they?” Abby whispers from behind you,

Actually scares the living shit out of you when you see her standing behind you, but the way the sun was hitting her face from the big window panels made you less nervous. Rather in awe at the beauty in front of you. Her sunkissed skin, and silky blonde mane, were raveled in a delicate braid with wispies around her face. The raspiness from her voice – which honestly sounded like a smoker's voice now that you thought about it. 

ೀ florist! Abby who makes small talk with you while making your boquette for you (taking her slow sweet time), asking you where you’re from and what you’re doing in town? Absolutely praying that the flowers aren’t for some significant other of yours, Abby letting out an exhale when you say that they’re for your mom who you are visiting for dinner. When you mention you are unsure of what flowers to get don’t worry Abby will help you!

“So pretty girl, are you more minimalistic, talking Lilies, Gardenia’s, Jasmine – which is over there...or colorful? Which I think your beautiful self enjoys a nice Orchid, Camellia, or Begonia?”

Definitely shocks you with how well she knows her stuff

ೀ florist! Abby zones out when you are speaking and stares at your lips for far too long, looking at the way your pink gloss shines wondering how your pretty lips would look taking her strap. Percase covered in spit, from your saliva that has built up from blowing her off. Abby wanted to do nothing more than take the pretty little fabric ribbon from your hair and tie it around your hands as she went down on you while you beg her to touch you in all the right places – it was all a dream to her. Wet dreaming with you right in front of her.

Undeniably horny and touch deprived…she spends so much time in the floral shop she doesn’t have time for dating apps and finds shit like Tinder CORNY LOL. 

Meanwhile, you are trying your hardest not to stare at the way her arms are flexing or how her fingers are paying delicate attention to your bouquet, mentally laughing at the “FUCK YOU” on her knuckles, it contrasted her soft nature so much.

ೀ florist! Abby who slips in a little note into your tote back when you’re not looking, with her number on it, hoping that you would find it and call her soon, Which you do find when you are scrambling for your keys on your way back to the car. Deciding it wouldn’t hurt to give the overly, steaming attractive florist a call. 

ೀ florist! Abby when the two of you start dating, she would teach you how to make a bouquet, standing closely behind you – her body right up against your back as you feel her breath tickling your ear as she whispers to you what to do

“Atta girl, look at that my sweet girl – woah! watch your hand there’s a thorn baby.”

Will definitely put her hands over yours as she works with the knife to make sure there isn’t any thorns so you don’t prick yourself. 

ೀ florist! Abby fucking you in the flower shop, when the shop is closed. Having her head in between your thighs, as her jaw slacks – the sound of your juices sloshing against her mouth as she sends hums into your pussy making you let out low mewls. Bringing a hand up to cover your mouth but she slaps it away so that she can see you

“Don’t hide from me baby, I wanna see you…look at how beautiful you look whining for me doll”

ೀ florist! Abby who kept your lace underwear in her pocket after she fucked you in the floral shop keeping it for safe-keeping (pft…we all know what she is doing with that)

ೀ florist! Abby who shows you her small pocket-sized notebook full of different flowers and arrangement ideas she had. Even the sketches of a flower bouquet that she made inspired by you and all your favorite flowers.

ೀ florist! Abby definitely tucks flowers behind your ears, specifically a white or light-pink Carnation. Especially loves putting one behind your ear as she fucks you with her strap, missionary style so she can see your face – just loves your face honestly. Bending down to kiss your lips, her cheeks dusted red with the pressure she applies.

Tucking her head into your neck swiftly smelling the carnation that she put behind your ear driving her even further insane as she drills into you — makes her go faster.

ೀ When she starts teaching you more about flowers, Definitely uses sexual enforcement to get you to remember it. Will have you sat on her counter as she stands in between your legs – locking you in as she lunges two fingers into you, edging you and not letting you cum until you say the right name of the flower that she taught you. But you could hardly focus staring at her inked knuckles as they pump in and out of you which only makes you reach your climax even further. 

“You wanna come don’t you my sweet girl? I know you want to…just say the name– awh don’t whine at me…I know you know it dollface, I don’t buy that you don’t.”

Sometimes she’ll give you a hint if the flower starts with one of the letters on her knuckles she will stick the corresponding finger into you, working at getting you just about there as her finger curls into you. Your vision is blurry as you can hardly tell what the letter is, moaning out as you try to focus on the order of the letters on her knuckles to catch the hint.

“C’mon baby I’m giving you a hint…pay attention sweetheart– focus!”

ೀ florist! Abby when you get it wrong and she finally lets you come — is fake-mad at you, shoving the lettered finger down your throat as you gag on her fingers covered in your juices.

“Baby the hinted letter was C, and the other finger was U, flower: Curcuma. You’ll get it right next time right sweetheart? You won’t let mommy down hmm?”

ೀ florist! Abby is definitely a soft dom just saying… soft as hell, loves when you hold her – kiss her, and skin-to-skin contact is important as hell she just wants to feel you and loves when you baby her. 

ೀ Definitely keeps a Polaroid of you holding flowers in pink floral lingerie in her beige apron and another one of you in her wallet, that way she has you on her at all times (honestly probably touched herself to blow off some steam after a hard shift while looking at it)

ೀ Depending on how far the relationship goes, especially if y’all start talking marriage will get your favorite flower tatted and not tell you until you see a dainty tattoo of your favorite flower on her collarbone slightly above her heart as she is filling you up, you questioning her in between moans about it.

“Mmhm…fuck is that new? Shit..abbyplease – wait is that my favorite flower?” You ask, as she grinds into you – your finger dragging against the tattoo

“Yes baby, you’re all mine. Mine…mine…mine” As she pounds harder into to you each time she says mine. Obsessive, possessive + territorial, let’s talk about it 

ೀ florist! Abby is overall just a sweetheart who loves you so much and just wants you to be her pretty flower – her muse, you definitely inspire most of her bouquets and she is so happy you ran into her shop looking for flowers that day.

[dixons-sunshine]

Pull Through | Daryl Dixon x Fem!Reader

Summary: While you were injured with no way of knowing if you'd make it or not, Daryl let the group in on his feelings. He shares some of his memories with you, as well as some of his worries.

Genre: Angst.

Era: Prison, post season three, pre season four.

Part of the Shopping Spree, Hangout Dreams AU, but can be read as a standalone. However, some call backs are made to previous parts in this.

Warnings: Mentions of injuries.

Word count: 1.2k.

A/n: I've had this idea in my mind for another part to the Shopping Spree, Hangout Dreams AU for a while now, but I just don't know how to put it into a proper fic. This is more of a filler than an actual fic, but anyways. Hope you like this!

“Ya know, Shane wasn't the first person to tell me tha' I dun' deserve her.”

Rick looked up from his daughter to look at the archer, Daryl holding his own five month old baby girl in his arms. Rick's heart broke at the sight of his found brother's clear distress evident on his face. He was staring off at nothing in particular, thankfully lucid enough to keep Hazel in place on his lap. It was clear that your recent injury had taken its toll on Daryl, and Rick knew that if you didn't wake up from your little coma, Daryl would be a mess; he would be a bigger mess than Rick was when he lost Lori.

“My whole life, even 'fore I grew the balls to confess to her, people were tellin' me tha' I dun' deserve her, tha' I ain't good 'nough fer her, tha' she'll see it herself and leave me.” Daryl stopped for a moment, his attention temporarily being diverted to his daughter who was starting to fuss a little. He whispered sweet nothings to her in the hopes of calming her down, slightly bouncing his leg and successfully coaxing a giggle from her. “But she never left. Even when things weren't all sunshines and rainbows, she stayed. She loved me regardless of all of my flaws, and god knows I have a shit ton of 'em. She ain't ever even thought 'bout walkin' outta the door, even when she could'a, and I wouldn't have blamed her.”

By now, a few people in the group has stopped to listen to the usually quiet archer. Beth, Maggie, Glenn, Sasha, Tyreese, Hershel, Michonne, Carl and Carol stopped to listen to him. It was extremely rare to hear Daryl talk about anything outside of the usual “formal” work talk—who would go on runs, who'd work on the fence, etc.—so everyone was intrigued to hear the brooding huntsman speak his mind.

“She deserved so much better than me, and I know tha', but she didn't think so. She stuck with me through everythin'. Through most'a my childhood, through highschool, through Merle and his bullshit, everythin'.” Daryl inhaled sharply and let out a shaky exhale, trying to keep his emotions under control. “She always managed to make the most outta everythin'. When I saw a glass tha' was half empty, she saw a glass tha' was half full. Ya know, our first apartment we lived in after movin' outta her mom's trailer was so shitty.”

“Yeah?” Rick replied, just letting Daryl know that he was listening.

“Yeah,” Daryl confirmed with a broken chuckle, nodding his head and allowing Hazel to play with his fingers. “Hot water didn't work most'a the time, the oven only worked when it wanted to, the pipes made this weird screeching sound whenever it was cold, and the window to our bedroom was jammed shut. It never opened, so it was hella hot in the summer.” He sighed again and shook his head. “We lived in tha' crappy place fer years 'fore either of us had 'nough money to move into a better place. But she never complained, never threatened to leave me if I didn't find a better apartment, never once blamed me when she had to take a cold shower in the winter. Hell, she even planned on proposin' to me 'cause I was takin' too long.” For added emphasis, he lifted his left hand to show off the silver band he proudly wore every day of his life since that day in your apartment. “I beat her to it, though. She's jus' so amazin'. I love her. I can't lose her. I'll die without her.” And with that last sentence, a sob finally broke out of the archer's chest.

Within seconds, Rick had gently grabbed Hazel from Daryl's arms and passed her over to Carol—who had been on her way to offer her own support to the huntsman—before wrapping his arms around his unofficial brother. Judith had been passed over to Beth during Daryl's speech to be put down for the night, so it made it easier for the former sheriff to jump up and hug Daryl. The archer never once displayed any forms of sadness in front of the group that had to do with crying. His sadness was usually handled through anger, but this wasn't a usual situation. You—the love of his life and the mother of his baby girl—were clinging on for dear life in your weakened state. The attackers that ambushed the group of people who went on the run the previous day made you suffer the worst of the attack. Hershel did his best with the supplies he had, but there was no telling if you'd recover until you woke up, if you ever woke up. And that scared Daryl beyond belief.

Rick didn't hold Daryl long, maybe two minutes at most, until he pulled away. Daryl furiously wiped at the tears in his eyes, mad at himself for displaying such weakness in front of everybody. However, nobody made any sort of comment towards him, their own understanding and worry towards you preventing them from doing so.

“If there's one thing I know,” Rick began, standing up and allowing Daryl to have some space. “It's that you Dixons are fucking stubborn. She'll pull through, I know it.”

Daryl sniffed and nodded, wiping his eyes one more time before getting up and gently taking his daughter from Carol. “She needs to be put to bed soon. She, uh, needs to see her mama 'fore it, though, jus' in case...”

Just in case you didn't make it.

Rick nodded sympathetically, and with that, Daryl walked away from everyone's empathetic gazes. He walked up the stairs and made his way to the makeshift medical cell, expecting to see you asleep, like you had been for over twenty-four hours at that point. However, he was instead met with the sight of you sat up and crouched over to the side, heaving and clutching at your chest, awake and alert, and he didn't hesitate to call for help.

“Hershel!”

Within seconds, the old man had hobbled himself over to the cell and was by your side in an instant. He was helping you put an oxygen mask over your mouth to help you breath, and once you weren't struggling to breathe anymore, he sent a frightened looking Daryl a reassuring smile. He beckoned him closer, and with Hazel still in his arms, he walked over to you and sat down on the bed, hugging you gently and quickly before pulling back—there would be time to crush you to him and never let you go when you weren't sat with a recently shot stomach and a few broken ribs. Hershel patted his back reassuringly, and he sent a very awake, lucid you a warm smile.

“Welcome back.” He turned to Daryl and nodded. “She pulled through.”

“S'a good sign, righ'?”

For the first time in twenty four hours, Hershel gave the archer good news. “It's a damn good sign.”

You were grunting and reaching out to Daryl, and your husband instantly knew what you were requesting. With a nod from Hershel, Daryl slowly transfered Hazel into your arms, and your little one instantly recognized her mama's touch. Her mood instantly brightened, right alongside her father's.

You were okay. However, the same definitely wouldn't be said for the son of a bitch held prisoner as soon as Daryl was done with him later—he was going to pay for hurting you, and Daryl wasn't going to go easy on him, either.

©dixons-sunshine 2024. I do not give permission for my works to be copied, modified, adapted or translated to any other site or platform without evidence of my given consent.

[obae-me]

I saw your post about the characters with a traumatized MC and the part about the angels made me start thinking about how they'd handle an MC who has religious trauma (because I thought that was where it was going in your post)

MC avoiding Simeon and Luke because everything related to heaven creeps them out (they're legit scared of angels, god, etc) and feeling way too comfortable living in the devildom and being around demons because they "always knew they were going to end up in hell when they died" because that's what was hammered into their head growing up or something

that would sure change the cast's views on human religion huh?

Yes, absolutely. I can't remember if I mentioned it before or just kept that brainworm tucked safely inside my skull, but I think about this a lot. Namely, because I have SO much religious trauma (yippie!).

I've thought a lot about how the Celestial Realm harbors a lot of the same toxicity that certain organized religions have the tendancy to exhibit here on good ol earth. I mean, we've seen some things in game that suggest that things aren't all rainbows and roses up there. The way that Luke talks early game suggests a lot. And so I'm sure a religiously traumatized MC would have SUCH a hard time around the angels at first. (I actually had my own reservations with the angels when they were first introduced and I even kind of disliked Luke a ton before I eventually took a step back and thought about the fact that he's just a BABY who is just spitting out ideals that were shoved into his head. It's not his fault, and I think his character development is something that the fandom does not address enough. I'm so proud of him!! Having your expectations of the world be broken and then having to relearn everything you thought you knew is actually SO hard.)

MC getting along well or feeling more comfortable with demons because they don't feel like they're being judged or under the watchful eyes of others.

MC talking about "not being as afraid to come back" VERY early on in game and the other characters taking WAY too long to realize they mean come to purgatory after they pass, and the demons themselves don't feel good about knowing that.

MC avoiding certain sins/pleasures/temptations due to the fear that's been embedded in them over it. Even if those things are COMPLETELY normal and harmless to enjoy.

All of the characters being extremely patient and understanding about this sort of thing and very slowly chipping away at certain stigmas they still hold onto, making the human feel safe while they do.

MC avoiding Simeon because of mixed feelings of shame and maybe a bit of resentment and then eventually learning that he's actually such a down to earth and sweet guy and spending more time with him just to learn that he's been in many similar situations is so...so good to think about. Learning that he'll never force certain ideologies onto them, that he doesn't see them as someone who needs to be "saved". A human and an angel sitting together and discussing what being "good" really means. Sharing confessions to each other that they've both held on their backs for such a long time because they've been too ashamed of themselves and confused to heal from it alone. They're not a sinner and a Saint, they're just normal people who make mistakes and want to do good in the world.

I do have many thoughts on this clearly...

[pinkydee10]

Bloodmoon: So wait, Star Wars doesn’t take place in the Milky Way?

Sun: What?

Moon: No.

Solar: It’s a “Galaxy Far Far Away”

Bloodmoon: So wait, there’s no Earth?

Lunar: No!

Moon: The first line of the movie is; A Galaxy Far Far Away.

Eclipse: Far far away!

Ruin: Bloodmoon, when that first tagline starts, did you just zone out and didn’t read any of it?

Sun: Every time you ever saw any of them?

Bloodmoon: I don’t know. It’s one of those things you hear so much you don’t even listen to it. It just drones on.

Moon: You don’t hear it! You just read it!

Eclipse: “It just drones on” Ugh, words!

Bloodmoon: I didn’t realize there was no Earth.

Solar: Or any of the planets in our solar system!

Ruin: Did you think Earth was one of the planets? Like Naboo was Earth? You think the Planet Earth is that pretty?

Bloodmoon: Where did Luke Skywalker live, then?

Moon: He lived on Tatooine!

Lunar: No, he lived in Alabama.

Sun: Pff

Eclipse: He lived on Tatooine which is between Venus and Mars.

Solar: Luke is just straight outta Compton. 

Ruin: Yeah a lot of people don’t know this but Hoth is right next to Earth.

Bloodmoon: I thought he was- Then where’s Kansas in Star Wars?!

Sun: It doesn’t exist!

Moon: It’s still in Kansas!

Lunar: On the other side of the rainbow!

Bloodmoon: So wait-What-So wait! Wait this is in the past as well?!

Solar: Thousands of years ago, yes!

Bloodmoon: So it’s like ancient humans vs ancient robots?!

Moon: They’re not humans! They never say they’re humans!

Bloodmoon: Luke Skywalker looks like a human!

Sun: He just looks like one!

Solar: So did general Grievous, apparently!

Eclipse: He can move shit with his brain!

Bloodmoon: So the tele…what was it?

Lunar: Teleclorians?

Bloodmoon: Yeah.

Ruin: No, it’s the Teletubbies.

Solar: Pff

Sun: You remember that time when Qugon sat down with a young Anakin and said “Your teletubby reading is off the charts!”

Moon: Ha!

Bloodmoon: This has actually blown my mind that it’s way in the past and really far away. They should’ve put that at the beginning of the movie!

Everyone: THEY DID!

Lunar: *dying of laughter*

Eclipse: That’s how the fucking movie starts!

Moon: Every goddamn movie!

Bloodmoon: Yeah but- I mean “Way in the past, somewhere else!”

Moon: That’s what it is!

Solar: That’s literally what it says!

Sun: A long time ago, in a galaxy far far away!

Bloodmoon: They should’ve phrased it better! They went all fancy with the words and it went way over my head!

Ruin: It’s too smart for you?!

Lunar: Long time ago and far away are way out of Bloodmoon’s vocabulary.

Solar: Hahaha

Moon: Oh my god…

Sun: Jesus Christ.

Bloodmoon: I feel stupid now.

Eclipse: Yeah, you should.

[brianmaysclog]

Satoru’s Girl

In a world where you could have suguru geto, but suguru geto couldn’t have you.

a/n: HELLO! i am uh VERY excited about this! there will also be another one of these at the end, bc i obviously cannot say what i want now bc it’ll ruin the fic and we cannot have that. well actually, there are time jumps in the fic, so be prepared for that. anyways, i hope you all enjoy:)

Satoru x AFAB! reader, Suguru X AFAB! reader

word count: 6.3k (woohoo!)

Warnings: cursing, smut (although not really smut but i’m putting the warning anyways), marriage, pregnancy, birth, death, mentions of death, death scene (best way to put it). i would say this is probably pg-13, i think that’s all the warnings, if i forgot any please let me know!

likes and reblogs are appreciated, but not necessary.

“Hey alexa, play Satoru’s Girl.”

Now playing: Satoru’s Girl:

______________________________________________________________

Suguro Geto has been infatuated with you his entire life. The moment he first looked into your eyes, he swore he saw the future with you in it. He could show you his love, give you his love. He could give you the Sun on a cloudy day, the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow; but it wouldn’t matter. Because you weren’t his. You were Satoru Gojo’s. 

Best friends since practically birth, Sugru swore that he would worship you, cherish you, and protect you. 

That's why when you told him you were falling for his best friend, Satoru, he had to do everything in his power to prevent it. Not to hurt you, not to embarrass you, not even to shoot the shot himself. But simply to protect you. 

Gojo was a player. He cared for his best friend, yes, and he also loved his favorite girl and wanted you happy, but being with Satoru would only make you happy for so long. And he couldn’t bear seeing you so sad, especially if he could have prevented it. 

But it was too late, the two of you had declared your feelings for one another before Suguru had a chance to object. He could have prevented this, he should have. Not even now, in the past, he had time after time to confess how he felt, yet he never did, too worried about ruining your friendship or changing your view on him. It would kill him if you thought of him any differently.

If Satoru had known Suguru’s feelings, he never would have gone in, but Suguru is a people pleaser. He could tell for a while that Satoru was developing feelings for you, yet, he had hoped it was just a phase. That it was just one of Satoru’s silly crushes he would get and go away, when gone, he could then respectively get the opportunity to go for you; but.

The phase never ended. It was proven quickly that Satoru’s playboy phase was over, and he was ready to commit, settle, and create. 

______________________________________________________________

“What color?” 

“hm..” 

“I asked what color. As in the dress I wear for Satoru and I’s date tonight.” 

“Oh, uh, the blue one. It’ll pair really well with his eyes.” 

“You are so right! What would I do without you Suguru?” 

God, you were so beautiful in Suguru’s eyes. Crafted by the Goddess Aphrodite herself. Chiseled by the hands of Michelangelo directly. You were perfect, you were flawless, you were Satoru’s. He needed to get these thoughts out of his head, he needed to push past these feelings. He needed to get over these pent up feelings, he could no longer think about them and feel good about it; happy. Because you were not his, you were Satoru’s. 

______________________________________________________________

“Suguru, can I please come over?” 

“Uh yeah, sure doll. What’s wrong?” 

You hesitate before you answer, not sure if you want to say anything at all. 

“Satoru and I got into an argument. He left and I don’t want to be here by myself; I can’t. I’m just too frustrated, angry, I can’t stand being here right now.” 

Suguru can feel the clench of his jaw get tighter, almost painful. How dare Satoru hurt his girl. How did he hurt his girl? Did they disagree on something? Did he insult her? Did he lay with anoth… no he wouldn’t. But it is a possibility. 

In fact, it didn’t matter what he did. Suguru was seeing red, and in that moment, he wanted to hurt Satoru and protect you. 

By the time you arrived at Suguru's, you had stopped crying. Your face red and puffy, but also emotionless. Feeling nothing but anger and regret in the moment. 

Suguru welcomed you in with a hug, so warm and comforting. You stay like that for a moment and breathe in his scent. Menthols and cedar, so familiar and pleasing. 

He sends you to the couch and goes to the kitchen to grab two wine glasses and a bottle of the wine brand you really enjoy.

“So doll, tell me what happened.” 

In which you do. You proceed to tell him how the two of you went out to eat with some of Satoru’s coworkers. and how you didn’t appreciate his work wife (her words not yours) hanging all over him, especially in the presence of you. Scooting in real close to him in the booth at the restaurant, causing you to have to sit between two of his coworkers. Then, she would constantly interrupt you every time you had something to say, and would belittle you. The worst part of it all, Satoru let it happen. His coworker, Nanami, said something before he did. Actually, it does get worse, on the way home you bring this up to him, telling him how you didn’t appreciate this, and he brushes it off as her normal behavior, which then, makes you think. If this was how she acted when you’re around, how does she act when you’re not? This stirs the pot even more, makes it reach a boiling point, as you begin pointing accusations towards him and it just got nasty from there. 

You take your final sip of your third glass of wine, signaling Suguru, still on his first glass, for another refill. 

“Of course, I feel bad for accusing him of such things, but do you blame me? They looked like they were the ones in a relationship and I was one of the coworkers!” 

“Don’t feel bad. It’s normal to feel that way, based on what was on display for you tonight and with how you were feeling. You had every right to be upset.” 

“I know Suggy, I just feel so bad about it.” 

“Do you know where Satoru is now? You mentioned he had left.” 

“No.” 

A moment of calm before the storm.

“Wait. What if he’s at that bitchs’ house. What if he’s over there laughing with her about how oblivious I am. What if he’s already fucked her, rolled over and said goodnight-“

“Y/N stop. That’s not happening and you know it. He could be at the gym, even sitting in the car. Have you called him ?” 

“No…I don’t want to talk to him, right now.” 

It sucks. It really does. Being stuck in between the disputes and fights between your best friend and the love of your life. Conflicting on what side to be on, having to choose between your brain and your heart. 

“Okay, maybe I’ll do the talking. I’ll call him and check in to make sure he’s okay. Where’s my phone-“ 

Maybe it was the wine talking, actually it was the wine talking. You would never do this sober. You loved Suguru, but not like this. This was out of spite. Out of anger. Nothing but pure venom behind this. 

Suguru knew this. He dreamed of this moment every night, but not like this. 

Your lips on his. 

He knew this was wrong. He knew you didn’t mean this. He knew he couldn’t enjoy it. You were tipsy, he was not. You were in a relationship with his best friend. He couldn’t. 

He gently pulled away and looked at you, tears now slowly cascading down your face. 

“Y/n..” 

“I know. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that, I don’t know what I was thinking.” 

There’s silence, followed by a knock on the door. A familiar knock. The knock only Satoru does. 

“Suguru. I messed up. Can I come in?” 

The tears fall down your face even more now. Guilt taking over. 

“This never happened, okay?” Suguru speaks up, heading towards the door. He wants it to keep happening. He wants to keep kissing you, properly. He wants to make you feel better, to make you forget the events of the night, ever happened, but he knows he can’t.  

Suguru doesn’t open the door until you respond with a faint “okay,” acknowledging to never speak about what just happened. 

Satoru walks in, explaining, just how you did, what had happened. He then says he wasn’t at the gym, wasn’t at her house, but that he was just out. Walking around, clearing his head, feeling so stupid. Feeling so shitty he hadn’t done anything, feeling like he needed to do something to make it up to you, he just didn’t know what. That’s why he was here at Suguru’s. You, not yet noticed by him. 

When you are, Satoru's eyes pop out of his skull, relieved. He was worried you were at home, alone with nothing but your thoughts and his harsh words. He left you, which was so selfish of him. He should have stayed there and talked it out. Apologized with his words and his mouth….and tongue….and hands…. 

He trusted Suguru with his life. He knew that the two of you had been friends forever. Even before the two of them met in middle school. He had nothing to worry about. He knew you had seen Suguru as a brother, and from what he was told from Suguru, that you were not his type and nothing but a friend to him. He trusted Suguru to comfort you and be there for you when needed, so seeing you at his house wasn’t surprising at all. 

What Satoru didn’t know, though, was that you had kissed Suguru just mere moments before he arrived. 

______________________________________________________________

“Marry me.” 

The statement catching you off guard, you choke on the noodle you were slurping. 

“W-what? "I said, marry me.” 

“Right- Right now?”

“Well obviously not now, the courthouse is closed. Tomorrow we can. We’ll go shopping for our wedding attire then head our way down and officiate our love.” 

“Satoru, I would love to marry you, but don’t you think-” 

“Think what? That this is all too soon, so sudden? That I’m crazy? No darling I don’t think such things. I think that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. That I want you to have my last name, to become mine, officially. I want you to walk around when you’re shopping with Shoko and flaunt off the ring on your finger, showing you belong to me. I think that I want you, forever, and that I am so impatient I simply cannot wait to marry you. I want to see you all dolled up for me, in a beautiful dress, telling me how much you love me in front of whoever comes. I want you, forever-no, I need you forever. So, I’ll say it again. Marry me,” 

“Yes Satoru, I’ll marry you.” 

He places his hands on your face and pulls it closer to him. He then pushes your hair behind your ear and leans in so close, breath fanning on your lips. 

“Perfect. We’ll make it happen, tomorrow.” 

He then ends the sentence by finally capturing your lips with his. Fast paced and sloppy at first, but then slowing down to more sensual, passionate kisses, Before things become to heated, you pull back and confront him: 

“However, in the future, when we are rich, you owe me my dream wedding. A live band, a 10ft tall wedding cake, a beautiful gown,-”

“Deal,” Satoru says, kissing you again. “As long,” kiss, “you marry,” kiss, “me,” kiss, “now.” 

______________________________________________________________

“Suguru.” 

“Yes Satoru?” 

“What did you get y/n for her birthday?” 

Suguru chuckles. The two men sitting on the couch of yours and Satoru’s shared apartment playing Mariokart. You went out with Shoko for the evening so Satoru took his opportunity to discuss birthday ideals. 

“Why? Do you need ideas on what to get your loving girlfriend for her birthday?”

“WHAT! Of course not. She’s just been naming a lot of things she wants for her special day, and I want to make sure you didn’t get her anything I did, because otherwise one of us is gonna have to return it.”

“Right.”

Satoru didn’t like that and attempts to run Suguru off the track, but to no avail, fails. Suguru retorts by throwing a banana peel on the track, which in turns, makes Satoru fall off the track. 

“Bastard.”

“I’m in third place now you better catch up..” 

“I am……gonna be first, just you watch.” 

Silence consumes the two, the only noises being from the game and a couple of frustrated sighs and groans. 

“How the hell are you first Suguru?” 

“I’m just that good.” 

“Bullshit is what it is.” 

“Oh and would you look at that, I win.” 

“You’re a bitch.” 

“A winner is what I am Satoru.” 

Satoru rolls his eyes and hands his friend a five, the rightful bet for the round. 

“This isn’t over, I got plenty more coming.” 

“And you won’t have anymore coming once the night is over.” 

Satoru gets up and heads towards the kitchen and grabs two cans of that soda they like so much. He throws one to Suguru and the two of them drink it in silence before Suguru speaks up: 

“Oh, and to answer your question, I got y/n that blanket and house slippers she really wanted.” He chose to go a safer route, didn’t want to get anything too intimate, like the perfume you really wanted.

“In her favorite color?”  

“You know it. What did you get her?”

“I got her that perfume she really wanted, as well as some snacks, and drinks she really enjoys. I also got her that huge stuffed animal she wanted, the sweaters, and that dress.” 

“She’s gonna love it.” 

“I hope so. I don’t want her to think I overdid it. She deserves all of it, and I want her to know that, too.” “She will. Don’t overthink it.” 

And the conversation ends with perfect timing, as you walk into the door with multiple bags in hands. “I’m back! Did you miss me?” 

“Always dear,” Satoru greets you, taking your bags in hand and giving you a kiss. “Hey Suguru!” You finally spot the black haired man and give him a hug. He inhales your scent, quickly, and smiles. 

“Hey doll. Did you have fun with Shoko?”

“So much fun. Actually, you two sit down, I’ll give you guys a little shopping haul!” You squeal with excitement. 

And the two men sit down as you take the bags back from Satoru. You then proceed to show them everything you got. From the hair clips, to the graphic tees, to the..

Oh. You managed to purchase everything you wanted for your birthday. 

“Looks like we’re both gonna have to return what we got her,” Satoru whispers into Suguru’s ear, which manages to make him laugh. 

“What’s so funny?” you ask, faking a hurt expression as they interrupted your haul.

“Nothing love, continue.” 

______________________________________________________________

“What?” 

“You heard me.”

Suguru couldn’t believe his ears. He never wanted to imagine this, and even if he did, it happening so soon, while the two of you were still so young. 

“I don’t’... I don’t know how to tell Satoru. I don’t even know if he wants kids, we’ve never talked about it, really, before. What if he’s angry? Or scared? What if he leaves me?” 

Tears begin falling down your face faster than you are able to wipe them off. 

Suguru has always wanted kids. Especially if they were with you. He knew, in that moment, that if Satoru refused it, he would help you. 

Except he knew Satoru wouldn’t refuse it, nor would he leave you. He would be so happy. He loves kids, and he’s wanted to be a dad, probably, much longer than Suguru wanted to be. 

“And, knowing our families, who knows how they’ll react. They could be angry, sad, happy, or  worse, disown us. Oh Suggy, I’m not ready for this, I can’t do this.”

“y/n, relax. Breathe. It’s okay. For starters. Satoru will be beyond happy. I can guarantee you that. I know him just as well as you do, so trust me on that. I know you're scared, and I know it all is happening so fast. But that’s okay.” 

“But our parents-” 

“To hell with them. If they aren’t happy, if they aren’t bursting with joy at the fact that you are carrying their grandbaby, then forget about them. You know that Satoru and you will have mine and Shoko’s support and love. You also know that my family will love that baby like it is their own kin and spoil it more than it needs to. Again, I know it’s all so sudden. I know it’s happening so fast. But, it’s okay. It’ll all come together in the end.” 

“Thanks Suggy, I don’t know what I would do without you.” 

You embrace him in a hug and begin crying softly, but this time with happy tears. You know it’ll be okay. 

“You know I’ll always be here for you doll.” 

“I know, I love you Suggy.” 

“I love you too.” And he really does. But he needs to stop. 

You were, now, carrying the child of his best friend. He needs to overcome these feelings, it isn’t right. It isn’t fair. But he can’t stop. 

______________________________________________________________

“Absolutely no peeking at all. You understand me?” 

  “Yes ma’am,” Suguru and Shoko both say, the pair also doing a little hand salute. 

You and Satoruo had planned a little surprise for the two of them. They knew you were pregnant, they just didn’t with know how many, So once you had left the OBGYN appointment, the two of you began planning your surprise. 

“Can we look yet? I can feel my forehead getting sweaty with this blindfold.” 

“NO Suguru, LEAVE it on.” “Satoru-” 

“NO ifs, ands, or butts. We’re almost done. Be patient.” 

A very long, dramatic, time later, you then announce to your two friends that they can take their blindfolds off. 

“Finally.” 

There is a moment of silence once they are removed and the two of them look at you and Satoru, confused. 

“Erm doll, what are we supposed to be looking at?” 

Satoru had a sweet tooth, so when he saw the candy bars he had come up with the perfect idea. 

You handed a Hershey’s bar to Shoko, with the HER colored in. 

“It’s a girl?! Ohmygod!” she jumps up and gives you a hug, tight, but not too tight afraid she may hurt the baby. 

“Don’t celebrate just yet,” Satoru says, handing another Hershey's bar to Suguru, this time the HE being colored in. 

“Wait, it’s a boy?” 

“Well yes, technically the both of you are correct,” you say, waiting for the two of them to piece it together. 

It takes a little bit, watching the two of them trying to connect two and two together, but eventually Shoko yells out, “Twins? YOu’re having TWINS?” 

“Ding ding ding!” 

“YES! More babies to spoil!” Shoko then engulfs you and Satoru in a hug, The three of you jumping around in a circle. 

Suguru, although happy for you two, is sat on the couch in shock. His heart aching, He should have been the one announcing along with you that you were having twins. 

“Congratulations you guys. I’m really happy for you.” 

______________________________________________________________

Satoru watches you as you stare at yourself in the mirror. Your hands on your belly, eyes darting back and forth between your growing stomach and your face. 

“Love, what’s wrong?” 

You hesitate, and of course Satoru sees as your face changes between upset to content. 

“Nothing!” you smile.” 

“Don’t lie to me. I know when something is up.” He gets up from the bed and makes his way behind you, snaking his arms around you and his hands, now resting upon your stomach. “Talk to me.” 

“I just-” you begin crying. Tears pouring out slowly. “I feel so different. I look so different. My body is changing and I don’t feel beautiful anymore.” The tears more rapid now

Satoru turns you around, your face now laying directly in his chest. His arms tighten around you, engulfing you.

“Y/n?” 

“Yes?” you ask, lifting your face up to look into Satoru's eyes. They were so beautiful, so captivating. Entrancing you. 

“You are so beautiful, just as beautiful as the day I first laid my eyes on you. Just as beautiful as the first time we made love, when your skin was slick with sweat and hair all matted in a mess. You are just as beautiful as you were the first time you were hungover, sick as hell, throwing up everywhere. And just as beautiful as the day you said ‘I do,’ and we married. You are beautiful, and you always will be. You are growing our children. Do you understand how amazing that is? You are so strong, stronger than me. I could never do something like that. You are nurturing and doing everything you can to ensure that our kiddos are safe, healthy, and well nourished. I don’t understand why you are feeling like this, and I probably never will, but just know, to me; I know you are beautiful. And I love and appreciate the fact that you are doing this, holding our babies everyday.” 

“I love you Satoru.” 

“I love you too, y/n,” and with that, Satoru picks you up, with haste, and carries you to the bed. Where he spends a majority of the evening showing you just how beautiful you are, and how much he appreciates you. 

______________________________________________________________

“Hello?” 

You answer the phone, taking a break from decorating the nursery. You, Satoru, Suguru, and Shoko had all been painting, putting furniture together, and getting everything ready for your unborn babies. Satoru had left to pick up lunch about an hour or so ago, so the three of you had resumed working until he had returned. 

You were about seven months along at this point. Belly growing bigger everyday as you provided a nurturing environment for your babies to grow and develop in.You were glowing. 

But you always were in Suguru’s eyes. 

You begin looking pale, eyes bubbling with tears. Your hand, banded with a wedding ring, turning white as you are gripping the phone so tight.

“y/n.” 

No response.

“y/n, what’s wrong?” 

Shoko comes up to your side placing an arm on your stomach, meant to comfort you but it makes you feel sick.

Suguru stands behind you, preparing to catch you in case you collapse. 

“I-, I understand. I’ll be there shortly.” 

In which you hang up the phone and the tears officially fall. Sobs escaping you, and eventually you do fall, not hard, just to your knees. Suguru and Shoko follow suit with you, both pairs of arms are wrapped around you. 

“y/n…” 

“That-that was the hospital,”  you begin.

Sobs become more uncontrollable as you try to compose yourself and explain what you were just told over the phone.

“Satoru’s there. He-he was in an accident. A bad one. They-” 

You begin sobbing even harder now. Shoko wraps her arms around you, even tighter, lending her shoulder to you, so you can cry on it. 

Suguru’s face is blank. He doesn’t want to assume the worst. He doesn’t want to assume the worse not only for you, as he knows the pain and torture it would cause you, the emptiness you would feel, but he doesn’t want to assume the worst for his best friend. 

He’s known him for years. His brother, his idiot, the love of his girl's life. His comedic relief in the dark points of his life, his moral compass, his Mario Kart partner. 

He knew that if he lost Satoru, he would lose you too. He would lose himself. Things would be different. The stress it would cause you too, wouldn’t be good for the twins. 

Satoru was strong. The strongest he would call himself. He could pull through, he had to. For you, for your babies, for Suguru. He needed his best friend. 

“Let’s get down to the car. We’ll head that way now,” Suguru says, picking you up and carrying you towards the front door. Shoko follows suit, grabbing yours and hers bag, just in case. 

And just like that, the three of you head towards the hospital, as fast and legal as possible. 

______________________________________________________________

He looked so peaceful in the bed, Satoru did. The doctor’s, now, certain that he wouldn’t make it. The injuries from the accident just too severe, they did everything they could, they really did. Satoru just lay in bed. Not being able to do anything. Which leaves all that is left to do is say goodbye. You and Shoko had already said it. You taking a good few hours before you left his side, but the doctors and Shoko both agreed that you should take a break, The stress and pain not being good for the babies. You promised him you would come back. Whether it be when he is gone or not yet, you would come back. 

Now just sits Suguru and Satoru, alone in the room. 

Satoru’s still body is a different atmosphere than Suguru is used to. He’s used to Satoru’s banter, his quick jabs and silly jokes. His video game rage and loud belches. The silence, he didn’t like it. 

“Satoru.” 

Nothing. 

“Please, Satoru. Make a miracle happen.” 

Still, nothing. 

“Your babies need you. Y/n needs you. I need you. You’re my best friend. Please. You can make it.” 

This time there is something. A hand twitch. 

“Su….Su….Sugu..Suguru.” 

He stands from his chair, tears brimming in his eyes. Not yet allowing them to fall, he can’t. If Satoru somehow makes out of this, the tears need to be shed from joy, not sadness. 

“Yes Satoru?” Suguru then places his hands on top of Satoru’s. 

“I.. I need you to promise me something,” his voice raspy. So faint and dry. 

“Anything.” 

“Pl,,,please take care of my love for me. And our babies. Protect them, make sure they’re okay, like you used to.” 

“Satoru-” 

“Promise me. My babies need a good father figure in their life, and you can fill that roll. Y/n is  strong, so strong. But I need you to be there for her when she needs it. I need you to be there for her when she doesn’t feel beautiful, to be there for her on her birthdays, on our kids’ birthday. I need you to be there for them, because I won’t be able to. Can you please, promise me that you will do that?” 

Suguru couldn’t hold back now, crying full time now. He wasn’t supposed to see his best friend go. He wasn’t supposed to take on the role of his friend. He loved you, yes, but it wasn’t his place. You were Satoru’s, not his. 

“Yes Satoru, I promise.” 

He faintly smiles. 

“Oh and one more thing, before I forget.” 

“What is it?” 

“Don’t let my kids grow up without knowing who I am. Make sure they know how cool, awesome, talented, and amazing at Mario Kart their daddy was.” he attempts a laugh at this, but it turns into a fit of coughs. 

“I would, but I wouldn’t want to lie to your children. If anything you were mediocre at best.” 

Satoru attempts a fist, followed by a “bastard.” 

And for about five more minutes the two of them talk and say their goodbyes, until Satoru takes his last breath, as soon as you walk in too. 

You run to his side and begin crying. Shoko, behind you with a hand on your back, with a few tears falling down her face too. Suguru is on the other side, staring at his best friend. With no more tears left to cry, he just stands there emotionless, in shock that he really was gone. He had a job. A job that he had sworn to for his whole life, but now, it became much bigger. He promised his best friend, and he never intended to break it. 

______________________________________________________________

“Suguru.” 

He opens one eye, trying to make out who, or what was trying to get his attention.

Ever since Satoru’s passing, Suguru had left his apartment to move into yours and Satoru’s, which was the smarter choice since the nursery was already set up. He had moved into the old office, obviously no longer used. 

“Hm?” 

“Suguru, wake up. It’s important.” 

“What is it?” he sits up, rubbing his eyes and stretching his arms out. He looks to his right to see the alarm clock which reads 4:45AM. 

“My water broke.” 

“Oh.” Suguru says. Yawning and stretching some more. “OH. NOw??? IT’s so Early!? WHy didn’t you start off with that?? WHY didn’t you just bust through the door screaming that?!”

“No time to question that, we need to head to the hospital, like, now.” “Right.” 

In which he hops out of bed and grabs the hospital bag heading towards the car. Following suite, you, carefully, rush down stairs of the complex, and get into the car. Sugru, now much more awake, ensures you have everything and that you are safely strapped in, and that both car seats are in the back seat. Once he completes the internal checklist, he straps in himself and heads towards the hospital, this time, in a not so legal manner. 

On the way there you manage to get ahold of Shoko and she promises to be there the same time as you, so she is there when the babies are born. 

And when they are, it is 6:08 in the morning. Suguru and Shoko being there for you the entire time, a hand to hold each as you pushed each one out. And they were so beautiful.

Although Satoru wasn’t physically there with you in the room, you knew he was there in spirit. You could feel him. Feel his smile, feel his presence, and feel the tears of joy he cried from his babies being born. ______________________________________________________________

“Hey Satoru.” 

It had been about three months since the babies were born, Shoko and Suguru wanting to give you a break for the day, took the twins. You decided since you had the day off you would visit Satoru. “I promise, I’ll bring the twins to meet you. It’s just so cold, I don't want them to get sick. They arrived a bit early. Just so eager to meet us.” 

The rain now turning into a slight drizzle. 

“They are so beautiful Satoru, Megumi and Tsumiki. They both have a mix of our features, however they don’t have your eyes like I hoped they would. But, they have your smile and your nose, and the same attitude you had too. You would have loved them so much. And they would have loved you.” 

The rain picks back up again, but just for a moment, then it turns back into a light fall. 

“Suguru and Shoko have been great, amazing actually. They’re actually watching them today. Shoko insists on watching them a lot, she says it because I need a break and need to rest, but I think we all know it's because she loves being an auntie, and she loves spoiling her niece and nephew.  I swear, they have more clothes than you ever did, and that’s saying something.” There is a bit of silence as you sit there and just stare at his grave. Scattered around the grave are photos, you and him, him and Suguru, group photos of the four of you. Vases of flowers lined around the grave and his favorite pair of sunglasses sit on the very tip of the headstone. It’s as if  he decorated the grave personally. It was him.

“Oh! I brought you something! Or rather, some-things.” 

You reach around behind you and grab the bag filled with goodies for Satoru.

“For starters, this.” It’s a framed photo of you in the hospital bed, just mere seconds after pushing the twins out. You look exhausted, but Satoru would have thought you looked gorgeous. To each side of you is Shoko and Suguru, both of them holding one of your babies, a huge smile plastered on both faces. You take the photo and place it on an empty spot near the headstone.

“I brought these too, just so you can have a piece of them with you.” And you pull out two beanies, the exact ones that were placed on your twins head when staying in the hospital. No need for it anymore since they have grown out of it. You then place those next to the sunglasses. Little weights holding them down so they don’t blow away. 

“And finally, this. I know you will love this.” 

It’s a trophy, one that was found while looking at the flea market with Suguru one day. The two of you saw it, laughed, gasped, and immediately bought it. It was perfect. A trophy that reads “world’s best MarioKart player,” you place it directly in front of the headstone. It was so specific, why it existed, you didn’t know, but you were glad it did. 

As soon as you placed the trophy on the grave, the rain cleared. 

“Well, as much as I don’t want to leave, I have too. I enjoyed my time here today, Satoru. I love you.” 

You get up, dust yourself off and head back towards your car. In the time it takes to get there, you look up towards the sky and see a rainbow, faint, but visible. 

“Oh Satoru, you’re so beautiful.” 

______________________________________________________________

You and Suguru had the apartment to yourselves today. Shoko took the kids to the zoo for the day, and then would keep them for the night as well. She didn’t get to see them that often anymore due to her new job, so she took every opportunity to see the kiddos to the extreme, and would steal them for a few nights. 

It had been about five years since the twins were born and Satoru had passed. They were about to start school, so all of you were trying to get the last bit of fun in before it would be “unknowingly sucked away.” (As Satoru would have said). 

So with the house to yourself, you and Suguru sit on the couch, watching, who knows what movie, while eating takeout and sipping on some wine, except y’all weren’t sipping as you were already on the second bottle.

“This movie is boring, Suggy.” Hiccup. “Let’s watch something else. Or do something else.” 

“Like what doll? Neither of us are in a state to drive.” 

“Hmmm-“ you begin but interrupt yourself with a fit of laughter. 

“Hey you! What’s so funny?” Suguru joins in with you with laughter, jabbing his hands to your side and tickling you. 

“Hey STOP!” Your laughter now becoming more uncontrollable. 

The tickle fight-or rather tickle assault since you haven’t been able to get your hands on Suguru- comes to an abrupt stop as you fall off the couch, bringing Suguru down with. 

You lay on the floor, with Suguru hovering on top of you. His hands holding yours over your head. Breaths are shaky and uneven. The two of you staring into each others souls, not daring to break the contact. 

Heat rises up to your cheeks, but that was because of the wine. Right? Definitely not because you are feeling some way about Suguru, no. You loved Satoru still, you couldn’t. 

But, it had been so long since you felt good. 

“Su-Suggy.” 

And as if he had read your mind, he placed his lips on yours, but in a way that was so soft. It wasn’t sloppy, it was perfect. So passionate, so needy.

Suguru had wanted this forever. An actual kiss. It felt so wrong, but it was so right. He needed this. Satoru told him to take care of you, but he never specified on how. 

Every thought of guilt being pushed further and further into the back of his mind. 

The wine giving him courage? Maybe, however he would have never done this if he had thought you wouldn’t reciprocate it back. He had noticed for a few weeks now the way your stares towards him had become more longing and more sincere. The touches you gave him on his arm or back, even the way you wrapped your arms around his neck, became longer and more heartwarming. Even if this was a one time thing, a moment of selfishness, pleasure, and lust, he was going to make it worth it. Make it the best moment of his life. He was going to make you feel good, gonna make him feel good. 

“Let’s move to my room, doll.” 

The run towards his room is fast. You don’t think you’ve ever seen him move that quick before. Quickly, he lays on the bed and pulls you on top of him, where now, you are straddling him. 

A few more kisses are exchanged before Suguru is pulling your top off, no bra on as the two of you were just lounging around the house. 

He stares, hard, although he doesn’t mean too. The stare now making you feel nervous and small, causing your face to shift. Of course, Suguru notices this.” 

“You are so beautiful, y/n.” 

Suguru did fulfill his duty to make you feel good. It was more than good, it was the best you ever felt…..in a while. 

And in that moment of climax, shared between the two of you, Suguru was yours. You had him. You’ve always had him, but then. You really had him. You had officially seen him when he was most needy.  Seen him in a moment of pleasure, ecstasy. 

But, Suguru didn’t have you. 

Because, 

No matter what he did, how he made you feel, you would never be his. You were never his. 

You are and always will be, Satoru’s.

______________________________________________________________

a/n: wow! and here it is. i am actually really proud of how this came out. now, onto what i needed to say. i’m thinking of writing a bunch of different side stories about this, like reader telling Gojo they’re pregnant, Gojo and readers first date, Gojo before the fatality, maybe an alternate ending👀 if that is something you guys would be interested in, lmk and i’ll start writing. thanks for reading<3 highly appreciated 🥰 sorry for the pain i may have caused, if it makes anyone feel better i got v emotional writing this!

[chimchiri]

Hii WB anon here and I'm back again!! Saw your posts about spitdash and oh my god, I love the way you actually acknowledge the unfortunate power dynamic and found a way to make it work!! I think it's very romantic how Spitfire chose to step down in order to date rainbows dash, it's adorable!! As always your art and headcanons are great. Speaking of headcanons!! Since you've mentioned soarin and spitfire dynamics a few times, can we have more about them/soarin as a whole? I do not remember if I've mentioned it in the last ask but soarin is my personal favorite, I have a closer bond to him since he's the reason I got into the wonderbolts in the first place. So I'd love to see if you have any headcanons about him (fyi I will probably go back into your ask box to ask about the others but for now we're focusing on soarin he needs his moment to shine)

You hold a special place in my heart for asking about the WB, Soarin and Spitty... Oof long text incoming about them!

One recurring hc I have is that they're childhood friends - even platonic soulmates.

I hc Spitfire to have had a lot of trouble making friends as a kid. Mainly because she had way too much energy, an insane competitive drive and quite the anger issues. She didn't have anything against other kids per se, she wasn't just mean. But her natural talent for flying and quick frustration when others wouldn't do as she wanted (like a partner not giving it their all during a race or a slower runner making it hard for her to pass them during a run/race) were a toxic combination and made her explode regularly. Hearing her shout and stomp in frustration wasn't uncommon. Naturally, kids used to avoid and/or gossip about her, even if she tried to find some friends and help others get to her level so they could do some friendly racing or sparring. Some kids may have provoked her, which would usually result in a brawl or some form of violence depending on the other kid's attitude, as soon as she felt her pride was harmed. Ultimately she didn't want to harm other per se. She was just hyper-focused on running, flying, anything adrenaline, and had a lot of trouble managing her emotions.

Insert Soarin: I mentioned that he definitely loves a good race and winning as much as the other Wonderbolts - a quality anyone has naturally in that position. But outside of a race, I hc him as the softest, most relaxed, and also most tired guy there is. He really just encapsulates this meme for me (just imagine there are also dark circles)

He's docile, friendly and (as a kid) very agreeable - which unfortunately, resulted in him having trouble finding true friends as well and getting bullied. While he got to tag along, he was often the butt of a joke due to his soft nature. Being used as a water boy or personal butler also was daily routine, which he accepted with a heavy heart. I hc Soarin to have a strong sense of justice and having very developed empathy even as a kid. He's a thinker, a strategist. He observes, notices and concludes. He's not stupid. He knows and can tell the other kids don't really like him and treat him badly, but he just wants to have some friends. Plus, he's not very courageous (as a kid) and doesn't want to face arguing and fighting. He just wants to be included.

His "friend" group doesn't like Spitfire and definitely called her a crazy devil. Soarin initially only heard bad and frankly, quite intimidating things about her. But after meeting her he quickly concludes that she's not a real threat and just has some trouble with her anger. But she's trying to be helpful and outside of any competition is actually rather calm and nice.

There's no specific hc how they met but it was definitely Soarin who tried to initiate contact and a friendship. And Spitfire who was probably wary about him due to his friend group. I love to think they connected very quickly and balanced each other out well. Soarin was the first kid who would race her no matter how often he'd lose and not get annoyed or angry at her. Which was because he immediately noticed that she doesn't like to put others down - she just loves to race, win and get better. After a while he also realized, that she loves any kind of improvement, really. Not just her own. She'd give him tips, train with him and would also get just as excited when he got better. She just loved adrenaline, training and most importantly - seeing improvement and success. For her or others. It's something Sptifire never noticed herself and it was Soarin who, years later, would mention it and ultimately be the reason why she would end up as captain of the Wonderbolts.

Kid Spitfire would be good for Soarin too: not only standing up to anyone who treated him badly, but also getting him to speak out for himself and say out his thoughts out loud.

Honestly, I just love them getting each other. Even when they're completely different in character. They look at each other and they just know. They know when the other is unwell or when there is something off. There is almost no secret they can keep from the other. They know what the other needs, wants, desires. And by adulthood, they'd trust each other with their life. UGH I really really love them as platonic soulmates.

They walk side by side in each others lives. They're a perfect match and in the Wonderbolts, as captain and deputy, they're an almost unstoppable team. Not only because they trust and care about each other like no one else, but also because they both can separate work from their personal feelings. They're both able to make decisions that may be unpleasant for their friendship but greatly benefit the Wonderbolts.

A characteristic also great in arguments btw: Just because they understand and get each other doesn't mean they always agree with each other. I imagine they definitely get into loud arguments. Soarin can be just as stubborn as Spitfire in some aspects, especially when he thinks he has the correct facts and logic on his side. (It's the stubborn, analytical science side of his.) Though for them, it's easy to not take arguing personal. They may get frustrated but they can clearly differentiate that the topic at hand is the problem and each other. So it's not uncommon for them to be arguing and shouting at each other and having casual, friendly lunch 15 min later. Something that the other Wonderbolts definitely have a hard time understanding.

Some last points: Soarin has never had any jealousy towards Spitfire, neither as a kid, nor as her deputy. And maybe it's exactly because of this why she's made him deputy and then captain after her departure. I imagine her stepping down (for romance of all things, which he later learns) is the first thing he truly, never ever saw coming. He's usually great at reading and anticipating her. But this? It takes him by COMPLETE surprise and he definitely has a very hard time accepting it. It's like a surreal fever dream. He may even have a small crisis, thinking that she'll be gone for good after - just leaving him behind. This fear probably takes a LOT of reassurance from Spitfire to calm him down again.

I've written way too much already, so I'll just end it with two short hcs:

1) He's got trouble with sleep and insomnia since teenage years. It's often a joke with friends or later on in the WBs. Jokes he usually goes along with or even initiates. Spitfire is one of the few people who know that it's more than just jokes, and that some days it really takes a hard toll on him. They used to share beds - which helped Soarin sleep - and still sometimes do in the WBs. Which also leads into:

2) In some AUs, I hc they did have some flings and physical/sexual experience with each other. But the details are too much and complex to write out and too nsfw to include into this post.

[starcrossedreaders]

Work Song

Authors Note: This is a part 2 for a request I did. Here is part one, I highly suggest you read it before you read part 2! Part 1. This one is going to be a long one. Thank you so much @aussiepineapple1st for all of the help for this second part, Enjoy!

Taglist: @umooooo74

Warnings: Surgery, Mentions of death, mentions of suicidal thoughts, sad coming home, angst no comfort

Leon could hear your soft voice fill the room as your fat tears dripped down his arm. He wishes he could just open his eyes, for one moment he just wants to see you, touch you, and tell you that everything is going to be okay, but his body had different plans.

"I-I'm so-so-sorry, Leon," The tears would not stop coming and it broke his heart into a million pieces.

"I'm sorry Leon, I wanted to get away. Just another way to feel what I didn't want myself to know and let myself go. I know, you didn't lose your self-control like I did. Let's start at the rainbow," He could feel your cold hand slide into his. Your hands are always cold, it was a normal occurrence for you to stick your hands under his shirt while he did paperwork. Normally it would be a annoyance to him but now he wish your hands could bring him out of his deep slumber.

He tried everything in his power to at least squeeze your hand as you spoke to the doctors.

"So, have you made a decision? I'm not trying to rush you but the faster we get him into the operating room the better chance he has at surviving,"

There was a almost dramatic pause before you spoke up again while you squeezed his hand. "We're going to try the surgery." Dr. Smith said a few things before she left the room.

Leon tried to wiggle his toes in hopes to work up to squeezing your hand. He had promised himself that he would try one more time. Once the door clicked shut he tried once last time. His muscles spasmed out as he gave you a very weak squeeze. He did it, he actually managed to squeeze your hand. High on his recent victory he tried again, this time the squeeze was just a little bit stronger. He heard your body shuffle to his as you leaned onto his body.

"Leon! Oh my god, you're here.....holy shit you're here," Your head laid against his chest as hot tears feel from your eyes once again.

"Listen to me, and listen good," If he could he would be rolling his eyes as he laughs at your seriousness.

"You are going to come out of this surgery alive. You hear me, alive. I won't take it any other way. Please give me a chance to apologize to you when you're awake....please," Your voice strained the further you got along in your speech.

Leon would make it out alive, no matter what, he will come back to you, no matter what.

A few hours passed and the sun began to peak over the horizon casting an orange hue on Leon's unconscious form. His features seemed to sharpen under the new lighting. Your voice had trailed off slowly as the hours past. You were re-telling anything and everything about your relationship with Leon. From the first time you saw him to the latest argument. Purple bags had started to form under your eyes as your soft snores were muffled by Leon's chest.

Birds started to sing their good mornings to their partners, it reminded Leon when he would roll over in the early hours of the morning and whisper sweet nothings into your hair. He wanted nothing more then to do that right now.

The door clicked open as a few doctors walked into the room. Sitting up you quickly brush the hair out of your face as you put a smile on and greet each of them.

The surgeon explained what the operation was, how it would be done, how long it would take, and even got into the risks; which seemed to outweigh the pros.

You felt your heart sink as you thought about everything that could go wrong, but alas, you still shook your head as you signed Leon's life away.

Within a few short moments, Leon was being rolled out to the operation room. The wheels groaned as they carried his heavy body to the room where his life would be at stake. You could do nothing more but pace the room and pull your hair. Dr. Smith tried numerous times to get you home, but you couldn't. This one 14-hour surgery had just begun. You had to be here to get the updates. Eventually, your pacing turned into a nap on the visitor's chair. By the 3rd hour, there had been no updates on Leon.

Leon couldn't feel anything, but the beeping machines had kept his brain going. His heart was at a steady beat as tools were pasted over his body.

"Do you see that?"

"Yea... is that the...virus?"

"I think so sir,"

The surgeon let out a curt nod before they turned around from Leon's body and started to take his gloves off.

Your head nodded off as your heavy eyelids fell over your bloodshot eyes. Your head landed on the wall behind you with a solid 'thump' before the door opened.

Jolting up at the sudden intrusion you scanned the room to find the surgeon with his head gear still on.

"Ah L/N, sorry to wake you, I was coming to check up on you and to update you on Leon's current state," You shot out of your chair upon hearing his words.

"Is he okay?"

"I'm afraid not..."

"Wha-" Your legs were starting to shake as your brain raked through all of the things that could have gone wrong.

"I'm afraid he's not going to make it,"

"No..." Ringing filled your ears as your heart shattered. Every little piece fell to your feet, one by one.

The male's voice was muffled as he gave his condolences and stepped out. Time seemed to speed up and slow down all at once. Small laughs bubbled out of you as you shook your head in disbelief.

"He's not dead. Leon is stronger than that, I know my boyfriend," Your hands pulled at the roots of your head as paced the white room. Laughing to yourself you uttered nonsense about your recent lover's death.

Walking over to the chair felt like you were floating, upon sitting down the severity of the situation finally hit you head-on. A locked-up sob racked through your body before you choked out a cry.

"God no please let this be a sick cruel joke." You knew better than that, healthcare workers had no right to be so insensitive in a situation like this. But still, you prayed out to whatever god would listen that a miracle would happen.

You rocked yourself back and forth as your bawled in your hands. Your tears dropped down into the Earth's core, naturing those you have passed and now your beloved.

Leon could still hear the annoying beepings and murmured voices but past all of that, the memory of your guy's first date played for him. His eye's darted from side to side under his closed lids as the memory played out.

When Leon had taken you out for dinner he was on a 3-day drunken sin. He could care less about the slight fever he had as his sweaty fist knocked on your door. If it weren't for the text you sent him the night before he would have forgotten about the whole night ahead of him. When you opened the door he thought he was dreaming.

Once the late hours of the night rolled in you guys sat in his drawing shapes from the fogged windows. All Leon could think about was your soft sweet lips against his. Leon doubt he could find a thing as sweet as you. You had given him a toothache just from kissing him.

When he moved on to his special agent duties, so did your relationship. You had spent long nights worrying for his safety. Whenever he came home, you would love and nature, Leon, hoping his broken stems would grow beautiful flowers again. You had never asked him about the wrong he had done, you never fret none about what his hands and body had done. He knew if the lord never forgave him his baby would at least. Every time he would come back all bruised and beat you would put your love down soft and sweet. Leon was free in those long periods of bliss.

Leon's line of work had been a main point of many discussions for friends, family, and even between yourselves. He had voiced the concept that he'll never be able to rest till the world is free of its atrocities and those who have created them. In the same sense, he refuses to go down easily and won't rest till he has said his goodbyes and departed this world on his own terms. So, when he brought up the topic of how he wanted to be buried and celebrated you never really listened.

"Baby, are you listening to me? When my time comes around, lay me gently in the cold dark earth."

You could see the picture crystal clear, Leon's grave blooming with everything he has done for this world, giving it all back in the form of nature. Small forget-me-not's would bloom in great big bushes between great big lilies alongside tall strong daffodils. His tombstone would say "In Loving Memory of Leon Scott Kennedy. A man who would do anything for others. He lived and died a Special Agent, protecting his Country." Despite his jokes about wanting one of his infamous one-liners instead.

Your brain went into auto-pilot as you signed a dozen of papers and drove yourself home. The house was cold and dark without your partner. The clank of your keys and thumps of your heavy steps brought you out of your trance as you stood in the middle of your foyer. Everything about him was gone, even down to his shoes. A lump in your throat began to form the longer you looked at his supposed place for his shoes.

Walking further into the living room reminisces of the night before flashed between your vision. The lump in your throat slowly moved up. How could you be so cruel to him when you knew that could have been the last time you'll see him. Disgusted with yourself, you rushed to your shared room. Blankets were thrown across the bed as the sheets wrinkled in their unkept spot. The scent of his cologne smacked you in the face as you walked over to his side of the bed. Sitting down your hand soothed out the wrinkles as stare off.

The days seemed to mush together as you spent every waking hour in bed. When the sun was shining you were sleeping, and when the moon's light cascaded in your cold lonely bed you were weeping. Your phone had been dead for the past 3 days and your family was starting to worry. Any attempt to help you was futile, your spark of life was gone. You wanted to join Leon in his adventure to serenity, maybe then you guys will be able to live out a peaceful life with no troubles of life.

Sighing you rolled out of bed as you shuffled to your bathroom. Upon removing your hand from rubbing your face the reflection that looked back at you was horrifying. Dark bags lined each eye, you hair was knotted, and your complexation was pale, you looked like a zombie. You were quick to turn away, as you go to turn the shower on. The cold metal of the handle bit at your hand as you twisted it all the way to the left. Your hands trailed down to take your sleeping shorts off before you heard your front door creak open.

Your hands ghost over the band of your shorts as you turn your head. Waiting a few moments you the house went quiet again. You had to be hearing things, clearly you weren't in the right state of mind right now. Your shorts made it about half way down your legs before you heard footsteps. You rushed to pull them up as you rushed to find a weapon.

When you moved in with Leon he had showed you how you could use anything as a weapon. The main thing he pointed out when you guys made it to the bathroom was: "The toilet lid will be your best option, it's heavy and reliable if you have a good grip."

You were quick to pull the lid off as your gripped it just how he showed you. Walking out of the bathroom you kept your knee slightly bent to lower your body as you walked with one foot in-front of the other. Heavy footsteps neared your room, quickly you stood behind your door as they got louder.

Closing your eyes you took a deep breath in and opened them on the exhale. You had cursed yourself for not double checking the locks, and keeping your doors wide open. Raising the lid over your shoulder you watched as a tall broad body made their way through the door. You knew you were royally fucked when you saw his muscle strain through his compressed shirt.

He blond hair swayed with each calculated step. Before he could make it any further you let out a piercing scream before you swung for his head. The lid was sure to hit him right on, deeming him unconscious as you ran for help; that was the plan anyway. The male was quick to twist his body as his hand caught the lid.

Before you could scream you paused when you saw his face.

Leon.

It was Leon.

No, it couldn't be.

He was...

dead?

"Leon?" Your arms slowly dropped with the lid still in your hands.

"Are you trying to land me in the hospital again?" Your bottom lip quivered as you rushed to him.

Your arms wrapped around his body, dropping the porcelain lid. You tucked your head in-between his chest as his scent flooded your nose. He's here. He's here and alive, you couldn't believe it.

A sob racked through your body as he wrapped his arms back around.

"I'm here, I'm right here, no need to cry," He rubbed your back as he rocked your bodies back and forth.

You guys stood like that for a long while, he pressed kissed into your hair as he whispered sweet nothings into your head.

"No grave can hold my body down I'll crawl home to you." You lifted your head to press your lips against his.

This one kiss is what you craved, what you needed. His head tilted down to yours slowly but surly getting ready to press his lips against yours.

Your eyes locked with his as his breath fanned over your lips. Before you lips could finally lock together a distant ringing filled the room.

Snapping your head towards to direction of the noise your eyes fluttered open as your phone continued to ring.

It was a dream. A sick cruel dream that your mind played for you. You watched as your phone finished ringing before you curled up on your side and began to cry.

"When my time comes around

Lay me gently in the cold dark earth."

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

sorry i have to brainfart this somewhere but mersault chuuya wearing almost damn near similar clothing to his youth got me thinking about dazai and chuuya's fashion choices.

dazai, in all the eras where he was in the mafia....never changes his outfit. it fitting, given his character and such.....so his ada outfit makes him look like a rainbow. dark blue vest, blue gem(?) bolo tie, striped shirt and a tan coat similar to oda's. i think it's cool, to show the stark contrast between his pm days and how he's faring now, aswell to show how much effect oda had on him.

chuuya.....is the complete opposite. boy changes his clothes all the time. but it's so interesting.

his fifteen outfit is very "him" in a sense. street kid, street kid style- red shirt, grey hoodie, green leather jacket, bright blue sheep armband. he fits right in with the rest of the sheep, and hes so...colorful here. almost similar to ada dazai's outfit. and then theres the outfit he wears in the mafia- the first one we saw back in the manga where he seems to be wearing like a..."beta" version of his current outift- but the way it was drawn (disregarding the anime for a second) it looks like its almost ill fitting for him. the vest is too big, the coat looks so heavy, the tie isnt properly tucked, and his pants are baggy. like hes struggling to "fit in".

then theres sb outfit- hes wearing the standard mafia outfit like higuchi, but with his own touches- rolled up sleeves, glasses tucked in his breastpocket, choker, gloves. its not much, but even higuchi doesnt do anything to hers. we kinda see him "getting into" the mafia work, and theres no pop of color here. the dragon head conflict outift is different though- hes wearing clothes that are "his style" again. simple shirt, jacket, choker, gloves. he also has his red petticoat (i think thats what it is? whatever that long cloth underneath his jacket) that, once again, gives him some color. i dunno what spured the outfit change, but i honestly think the red color is his own touch- his own "color"

and then current chuuya. no color at all, maybe safe from the ribbon on his hat. he wears his coat on his shoulders, similar to pm dazai. (also, slight off tangent here- he always loses his coat whenever hes dealing with dazai?? i think?? which is. interesting. given with how glued pm dazai's coat is to his own shoulders. like he actively takes it off/gets it taken off and i SWEAR this only even happens when hes with dazai. idk. ever since asagiri said beast dazai wearing his coat fully to signify him accepting his role as the pm boss ive been. thinking about it. a lot.)

where was i going with this?? oh yeah. why is mersault chuuya wearing his old clothes?? specifically fifteen clothes? like was it his off day or something. bc if you look at chuuyas various outfit as his progression towards the mafia then him wearing his old non mafia clothes either means two things : 1. this is to signify chuuya, under vampire influnce, is well. obviously not loyal to the mafia atm. or 2. something might happen in the future that makes him swear allegiance to someone else which i dont find possible but??? who knows. im overthinking this

Oh my god I opened my asks to find this monster in here and scrolled through it like ?????????

Please feel free to do this anytime this was an absolute joy to read hahaha

"dazai, in all the eras where he was in the mafia....never changes his outfit." His outfit stays pretty similar, you're right, though he does actually change it once during his mafia days. The left image is the outfit he wears in Fifteen and Stormbringer, while the right is what he wears in DHC and Dark Era.

The difference is the blazer jacket he adds under his coat. It's a minimal change but I think it's significant. I mentioned in this post how I believe the change might be related to his change in pronoun from boku to watashi, but really it's more the added layer of distance that makes this significant. Dazai just looks a little... odd, in the first outfit. The coat hangs off him loosely, his shirt is a little baggy. He looks very boyish, and that makes his deceptive tendencies and deeply concerning outlook all the more disturbing to others.

The second outfit makes one change but his clothes now look like they fit him (still with the exception of the coat, which never fit and never will... in this universe anyways. You mentioned Beast so... you know already hehe). In the case of the second outfit, he looks more mature and formal, which lends itself to a person who withdrew further and further away from people (with the exception of the other two at Bar Lupin); who became a terrifying executive in other's eyes, moving away from the "creepy intelligent child" image he had earlier - even though he is still very much a kid. No one knows Dazai - I think the added image of formality and authority here is just one of the many barriers he constructed to keep people from getting too close.

"so his ada outfit makes him look like a rainbow. dark blue vest, blue gem(?) bolo tie, striped shirt and a tan coat similar to oda's."

hjdfvbdjf rainbow - entering his no longer closeted gay era (sorry lol i couldn't resist)

No but you're right about the coat looking a bit like Oda's. He cared for and respected that man like no other and I think when Dazai thinks of "a good person" Oda is the first person who comes to mind. His shirt in the manga is also stripy like Oda's, a little detail that got lost in the anime. :')

"his fifteen outfit is very "him" in a sense. street kid, street kid style- red shirt, grey hoodie, green leather jacket, bright blue sheep armband. he fits right in with the rest of the sheep, and hes so...colorful here."

Yeah. He looks every bit the street kid and blends with the Sheep near perfectly - more than fitting in though, I think it's more than implied that he wants to fit in and changes his look to do so. Chuuya goes to great lengths to give the appearance of fitting in - because he never felt like he truly did (and certainly the Sheep did not treat him like an equal or a friend).

"and then theres the outfit he wears in the mafia- the first one we saw back in the manga where he seems to be wearing like a..."beta" version of his current outfit- but the way it was drawn (disregarding the anime for a second) it looks like its almost ill fitting for him. the vest is too big, the coat looks so heavy, the tie isnt properly tucked, and his pants are baggy. like hes struggling to "fit in"."

YES you get it!! And adding onto that, Chuuya doesn't really have a lot of reason to want to fit in yet. He hasn't found his personal groove yet, because he has little personal attachment to the mafia at this point in time.

Yeah in Stormbringer he's got a few personal touches but is still pretty non-descript (though you're right, it's much more than Higuchi... something to think about for her character too, and how it seems the mafia may be more of a job than an investment to her). By Dead Apple though, Chuuya's outfit is... well, back to his punk vibes, just a little more mafia-classy, I guess. (I don't know fashion I'm sorry, please don't kill me)

"but i honestly think the red color is his own touch- his own "color""

Red makes a lot of sense as a colour for Chuuya. It's energetic, emotional, fierce and aggressive. It's also considered protective, so yeah it suits him for sure. Red clothes, red ability... red camellias...

"and then current chuuya. no color at all, maybe safe from the ribbon on his hat." Ooo ok. So in the anime, this is true but in the manga, I believe his vest is actually a pale red.

Well. Brown with red undertones. Your point still stands though because the colour is very muted. It's not like Fifteen or DHC Chuuya for sure.

"(also, slight off tangent here- he always loses his coat whenever hes dealing with dazai?? i think?? which is. interesting. given with how glued pm dazai's coat is to his own shoulders. like he actively takes it off/gets it taken off and i SWEAR this only even happens when hes with dazai. idk. ever since asagiri said beast dazai wearing his coat fully to signify him accepting his role as the pm boss ive been. thinking about it. a lot.)"

Oh. Thinking on this. Um. Embarrassed to say - I don't think I noticed that actually. Like obviously he loses the coat a lot and that was already something to think on but... only around Dazai, is that right? Hold on, I'm gonna check.

Ok so my check wasn't super thorough (read: I am too tired and drained to go through each and every panel he appears in) but...

By god, I think you're right.

That's. Hm. I'm going to join you on thinking about that for awhile.

I see the coat as a representation of his role and responsibility he takes on, really, so it's interesting that the formality and symbolism of his service to the mafia gets quite literally discarded in the scenes with his foil and equal. Fascinating.

He's also not wearing it in any of these now infamous panels from Chapter 101:

Huh. Well. Thank you anon. You've just given me a whole new thing to whir about.

"why is mersault chuuya wearing his old clothes?? specifically fifteen clothes?"

Honestly, I'm still waiting to figure this out too.

Because of the purplish hue over this piece of new art, I find it hard to tell what the actual colours of his outfit are but it does look awfully similar to his Fifteen outfit. It could just be his "day-off" outfit but I think there's got to be more to it than that. It could have to do with allegiance, like you suggested. May I also suggest the return to a sense of inhumanity?

These are also the clothes he wore when his journey to find answers on himself began. Might he be entering a new arc where he has to "find" himself again?

I still feel we don't have enough information to make a solid judgement. As the meursault pov continues, I think we'll have a better reason as to why he's dressed like this.

[milo-igidk]

do you have any ro & keefe sibling headcanons? :)

OH MY GOD YES IM VERY HAPPY SOMEONE ASKED :DD I LOVE THEM SO MUCH SDJFFJSD okokok sO

Ro was quick to dismiss his complaints as whiny and dramatic until she saw how actually horrible his parents were

hc that Keefe has meltdowns and panic attacks sometimes which he usually hides from people, accept he literally cant hide them from Ro since shes usually with him at all times. i mean he tries at first but she found out about them eventually and tries to help.

im just like, thinking abt her wanting to help him and not knowing how so shes secretly rummaging through the candleshade book collections trying to find anything useful about it

hc that Keefe has nonverbal/ selective mutism episodes (i would never project coughs) and Ro made him little communication cards for him to use maybe if he wants. and aND she also drew little pictures on them and shes like standing there embarrassed and talking about how shes not much of an artist and theyre probably stupid and hes staring at the cards and tearing up bc hes never had someone who cared for him like that GOD IM I CANT I LOVE THEM

just her validating his anger and pain. in her opinion the kid needs to let loose some more and they should both go somewhere and break stuff

"have you eaten today?" "have you?" "...uhhh" (they both end up eating to make the other eat too)

She cut his hair at some point when it got too long and he was horrified sitting still as a rock in the chair and regretting every life choice hes ever made. it turned out ok tho hes just dramatic

Keefe asked her to dye his hair at 3am one night and she was so excited and tried to persuade him to do a full rainbow head but they just went with red

Keefe draws her sometimes and she saves all his drawings

karaoke nights together and theyre yelling at the top of their lungs and keefe mimics the voice of the singer when they do duets

she ruffled his hair one time and patted his head and he cried

keefe will target anyone who gives ro any shit from foxfire and actually personally make their life a living hell with pranks

//putting a tw for sh and other stuff for the last part//

ive said this before but her validating his scars and helping him not feel bad about them (yk how ogres are abt scars)

shes afraid to leave him alone after hes had a bad episode or something big has happened or just like in general she doesnt want him to be alone

tried hard to be calm about it when she found out for the first time and be able to talk to keefe about it but when he went to sleep she had a full freak out

she was horrified at how he was handling his wounds and she bandaged them and made sure they were clean

Ro tries to set up sleepovers with Sandor bc she knows Sophie helps him

//

OKKK i think thats all i can think abt for the moment aaaaa i love them they make me so insane

[s1llydr3amscape]

Here some ye olde Vanessa designs i managed to find sifting through my sketchbooks (pre sb!!!!) There's more but Its really deep in the trenches.

rip their 4head broo they have no brain 😔

I miss doing stylised stuff tbh but ppl bullied me for it so now whenever I do it I go 😭

very old art vs my current art style and oc's below + rambles :

this was right After the freaking posters released and oughhhh 😭😭😭😭 gurlll

top name cut off that Blaine guy are other human ocs I had for years!! They were in a comic with Vanessa and others heheheh I used to do comics 24/7!!! Ft my old fnaf ocs rival to fazbears who was better at keeping the safety aspect off their robots. I wanna ramble abt them too one day after a heavy rehaul. Vanessa actually switched jobs from my oc location to the Pizzaplex in it!!!! Because I hope Vanny and Vanessa were seperate!!!

Vanessa and Vanny were seperate people in my Rabbit City AU but idk if I still want them to be different or the same now. Also one of Glitchtraps workers who managed to break free from his control and he didn't like that and sent every piece of her crimes online on the Internet as this crazed murder. So now she's in a new city under hiding or face criminal charges she didn't commit willingly. She managed to dye her fur and change enough and became a roadie for this band that's not very good. (Ffps rockstars I love yall funky vibe I'm sorry yall died too soon). She wants to help people and protect them she knows there's others under Glitchtrap’s control and wants to put a stop to him. Sadly some off them don't seem like they want any help... She was a beagle dog because when I saw her I was like beagle!!!!

My longest one is my oc story that's bad and outdated which included 3 rap battles (i love rap sue me) and an orange cat with green eyes with wings mc who's name try and guess

Its Winger.... (yeah because he was based off Scootaloo having small wings so young me thought ohhh Winged but like Winger because unlike scootaloo he can fly and is a winner!!! 💀💀💀 he also had beef with nyan cat oc over a girl and could transform into different elements!!! Like nature fire ice and rainbow... the main main main mc tho is a brown green eyed cat who was half robot after an accident... God looking back what was I on (I got into mlp and had unrestricted Internet access)

then we had this off my old sona... I didn't know how to draw fat could you tell... dark times oughhhh I wasn't blind tho then win 💀 alot of my older older art is traditional so you may not see it unless I sift through 17 layers off hell. Wish I backed up more of my 2019-2020 digital art tho but those were the darkest times for me also wait eewwww no eyebrows

ive gotten better and fr be the change you wanna see in this world draw fat bitches!!!! going down the rabbit hole

that one barbie trend I didn't finish look at the hands boy ouggh insane sauce I drew that

I miss drawing like this lowkey but my hand hurty and god ibis crashes every 25 minutes u was gonna gonna feral bro

self love is drawing urself accurately irl after years of drawing a caricatures of yourself (My first human sona ever was a skinny white woman with long neon yellow hair and a purple streak </3)

Gremlin from earlier I learned color theory aswell but only for purple, green and brown oops <333

I figured I could give it an oval nose because I didn't know how to draw my nose at all. Big ass nose death off me real!!! I love :3 face so much and big ass ears!!!! I will make them have big ass ears they are fun!!!!

These are my sonas I have like 4 rn and a million in thr vault (progress is progressing)

old oc his name is Jamie now and he's from a dream I had. Literally an incel too like he's studying magic got so fed up no one in his own world wanted him. Used magic to find his soul mate who existed in another universe. Made a portal to get there and take her back to his world because he wouldn't comply in a non magic world. When he arrived to her world almost died turning white and green. And like still managed to get the girl back to his world (Akuma's a goober who wanted to be isekaid) and yeah. Like huh my guy chill out 😭😭😭😭 no wonder you ain't getting any. He also killed me in the dream and is so dumb for being a prodigy??? Like he made a business selling illegal potions with the company name just vile.... his own initials... like bro how are you not caught. I can't with him. I pray opun his downfall and can't wait to see what other shit he pulls outta his ass. I feel bad for the Akuma she just wanted to escape not knowing this guy a freak.

heres him now!! He's much more dream accurate with the current events so far!!!!! If he appears next time I hope he croaks fr from the magic sickness like bro u a freak freak /neg

But yeah improvement is real!!! my art process is slower now (carpal tunnel) but I love to draw so much it is so fun if my bitchass ibis won't crash that is hehehehe (it crashed a million times trying to first time make a comic digitally I'm 💥💥💥)

[jamiegeode]

Why yes I would love to know more. I’ve only ever read The Wizard of Oz (and seen the sequel movie to The Wizard of Oz a long time ago) so please feel free to tell me all about them. Also who’s the pumpkin man??

YESSSS YAYAYAY

SO! Jack Pumpkinhead is a scarecrow made by Ozma(at the time known as the boy Tip) and then brought to life by Tip’s guardian, Old Mombi, one of the illegal witches* of the time. Jack is then taken by Mombi and locked up, and she tells Tip(who she never wanted in the first place**) she will turn him into a marble statue and use the Pumpkinhead as a servant instead. Also Tip’s basically been a slave, and Mombi’s like ‘hm. Less annoying AND I don’t need to feed it? Bye kid.’ This leads to Tip and Jack running away, and the rest of the events in The Land of Oz

It’s also worth noting that Jack Pumpkinhead? He has a deep, severe fear of death. Like he gets anywhere near water and goes ‘dear god, will my head start rotting from the inside?’ He also calls Tip his dad for the entirety of The Marvelous Land Of Oz(second book in the series) and ends up starting a pumpkin farm after his adventures, so that he never has to worry about running out of replacement heads. He’s great. Anxiety rep at its most whimsical.

*Mombi’s brand of magic being made illegal after the laws the Scarecrow passed upon becoming king, mostly prohibiting ‘unnatural’ or harmful magics, but pretty much stopping the majority of magicians and witches not directly loyal to the crown from doing any magic. Which. Mombi herself ain’t great but BRO he essentially banned TRANSITIONING SPELLS! **she was paid by the Wizard of Oz to take the heir to the throne of Oz and hide her so she would never be found- so she turned the princess of Oz into a boy. He doesn’t give a shit about gender tho bc of being what we would in modern terms call ‘a genderqueer icon’, but this did make it pretty hard to find them.

Ok. NOW TO THE ICON HERSELF, POSSIBLY BEST KNOWN FOR THESE ILLUSTRATIONS(WHICH APPEAR IN THE OFFICIAL COLLECTION, AND FROM THE BOOK PUBLISHED IN 1909):

(Yes these photos are from my own copy of the collection of books 1-5, Twas a gift)

OZMA, TIP, THE MONARCH OF OZ!!

She’s an icon. He helped a revolt led by the women of Oz. He then helped the scarecrow escape that same rebellion by making a cursed beast out of some rope, couches, palm fromnds, and a deer head. The curse is how much it hates its own body, being more confusing than a chimera. He fathered a horse. She gave another girl free rein of the palace, including Ozma’s private chambers, and that girl is Dorothy. She helped Dorothy’s entire family move to Oz to escape Debt, and might’ve also helped them commit tax fraud. She then took Dorothy’s family on a tour of the entirety of Oz, usually sharing a room with Dorothy. It was literally love at first sight(paraphrase: she loved the other girl when she first saw her). Before Dorothy moved in, they used a magic portrait/mirror set to call each other at a specific time each day. Dorothy can’t always make the calls, but Ozma is always there. Ozma gave Dorothy a magic belt so she could come and go from Oz as she wished. He’s part fairy. His cousin is part rainbow. Said cousin lowkey flirts with Dorothy. She made Dorothy a princess of Oz, with as much say in what happens as they have. They don’t give a fuck about gender but will perform gender roles like it’s a 30s television show, and I legit think that’s just for the fun of it. He made sure everyone in Oz has a minimum of one bread tree per family. He told the gnome king to fuck off and then stole his trinkets. Those trinkets were actually a neighboring kingdom’s royal family. She freaked out a little when she transitioned but then her friends went ‘it’s still you, we don’t care as long as youre you’ and it was deemed the smartest and wisest thing ever said by the speaker. She’s friends with the guy who paid Mombi to hide her.

I could go into the impact that having a canonical queer character in such an old and well known franchise had on me as a kid, and how reading Oz books helped me feel like I was stepping into a safe place, but tbh I’m kinda stuck on the amount of batshit she got herself into in the second book. Wild.

By the way, all of this was written in the 1900s, the decade, not the century. Frank Baum was a real one.

[millimononym]

TAG GAME!!!

tagged by @cerisia76 thank u 4 the tag!! I didn't know who i should tag so I'm just gonna be answering this one

3 ships:

this is gonna be hard I'm in so many fandoms lol I'm gonna try to be diverse. Also this is super long

1. Eritav (Homestuck)

OUGHHH where do i start with these 2. Ok so tavros is my fave troll so naturally during the period i was reading Homestuck a lot i stared having dreams about him. And for some reason one time Eridan was also there so i was intrigued and looked into their ship tag on AO3 and found the best fic ever with like the best characterization, writing etc... Before i literally didn't give 2 shits about eridan but it made me love his character as well. It's called "Black sails, Black romance" by mtjester and it's about Tavros and Eridan developing a kismesissitude(which is basically hate love, for those that don't read hs). The reason i put a pic of them down there as moirails is because i can honestly see them in any quadrant, despite them never talking in canon.

For moirallegiance, i feel like it would start out rocky but eventually develop into something better. Tavros would actually be allowed to speak his mind and develop more confidence since i dont think Eridan would shut him down constantly like Vriska, as Eridan is desperate for his quadrants to actually work. And Eridan would obviously benefit from having someone to keep his ass in line.

I can see them developing into matesprits later from that as well.

And as for kismesissitude, well it's already getting too long and i already gave a fic rec for it.

image by urfavsarequadranted

2. Toxic4Toxic/Socket/Rocket x Sinedd whatever they're called (Galactik football)

Must i say anything. They give each other undiscovered mental illnesses and are horrible for each other and i love that for them. Rocket is my favorite character and so his arc in season 2 was most interesting to me, which includes his relationship with Sinedd. I feel like they could have done more with them in s2, but i already made a post about that.

3. Hinadam (Super Danganronpa 2)

AHHHH THEM. Contender for fave rarepair of all time and fave Danganronpa ship overall. Best fics on ao3. 0 fandom toxicity surrounding them. Should be shipped more than k0mahina. Is more canon than k0mahina(I'm gonna get torn apart for this opinion but idc!!!)

like the entire freetime events with Gundham ends with him letting Hajime hold his hand, which he never let ANYONE do due to his touch aversion. He never develops a relationship this strong with anyone, not even Sonia who is his friend in the game. Hajime is the only person he feels safe and comfortable letting down his walls with due to Hajime's genuine effort to understand him better and be his friend. It's genuinely touching to me idkk i think i cried a bit first time i saw it. I'm not going to go into spoilers but good god man...the chapter ....if you know you know

and also in the island mode ending, Gundham asks Hajime if he wants to live a quiet life with himself and his animals. How is this not shipped more they're literally so in love it's not even funny

And NO i do not ship it because gundham is the best character and Hajime is the character i relate to most. but that could be part of it

IDK who made this artwork I'm sorry

Last song:

Okay it's technically not these ones but its the ones i remember listening to most lately. It's rainbow factory and Terrible Things. Fun fact a childhood song of mine called Erase The Underground (undertale fansong) just. Straight up used rainboe factory's music and i never knew so when i listened to RF i got the biggest jumpscare of my LIFE

Last movie:

The last movie i remember watching fully was Howl's moving Castle bcz my sister forced me and i enjoyed it even though it's not one of my favorite ghibli movies or anything. It was cool

Currently reading:

Still reading Watership down! (I have no time for anything lately otherwise i would have finished it) and if Manga counts I've also started reading NANA !! and i love it tbh my favorite thing is the fashion i could feel myself getting more cultured while reading it i think

Currently watching:

There's nothing im really focused on atm but i have a list on my pinned. The big ones i would say are Adventure Time and MAR (for nostalgia purposes). I'm also watching the justice league cartoon but tbh I don't really enjoy it that much despite people saying it's great. It just doesn't hit the same heights as BTAS or have as enjoyable of a superhero team as LOSH 2006. To me. But idk maybe it gets better later

Currently drinking: waterrrrrr baby

Currently craving: school to end to end tbhhhh

[tieria-erde]

i finished rewatching gwitch! here are some of my final thoughts, broadly and in no particular order

~7.5/10 show. i enjoyed it a lot and i would recommend it to others even if i feel that it fell flat thematically in a number of places

suletta is an unbelievably good protagonist. i do not have particularly charitable opinions on the portrayal of women in the gundam franchise, so when this show was first announced i deliberately kept my expectations very low. i'm glad i did, but i really didn't need to, because holy shit they knocked it out of the fucking park with suletta

similarly, i still can't believe that they made a yuri gundam and the yuri is FANTASTIC. they got lesbian married and everything. no notes. when the finale first aired i saw a baffling number of people complaining online that gwitch was queerbait, ostensibly for not having an outright confession or kiss scene. to those people i have to say: GOD YOU ARE STUPID

i started this rewatch because this show's stance on parents has bothered me since i first watched it, and it made it hard to properly recommend it to people. i will, eventually, make a very long post about this, but i think i've successfully made peace with my grievances about this specific topic, for the most part

...however i still find the trajectory of guel's character arc egregiously disappointing

this show did not spend enough time on earth

when gwitch was first airing i saw someone point out how norea expresses a really potent grief over the idea that "earthian lives are cheaper than spacians'", and that line hits really hard, but then... the show proves her right by having earthian characters be basically the only deaths in the cast by the end. that's always stuck with me. i mean, it's fucking true, jesus

i said something midway through season 2 along the lines of "the rest of this show is too heavy to have earned the ending it got" and i don't know if i still believe that. for one, i've said this before and i'll say it again: the lesbian gundam show ending with a literal rainbow light show is FUCKING FUNNYYY

for two, i do think it became kind of hard for this show to kill its characters off at a certain point because they REALLY wanted to drive the point home of "you can't run from your past mistakes, you have to move forward" and a character kind of has to be alive to move forward... oops!

i ALSO said something about "run and gain one, move forward and gain two" being a "flawed adage" or something, and that was kind of me misremembering certain aspects of the story... i thought they condemned prospera's little motto at some point, but it actually continued to in fact basically be the message of the whole show...

i found it kind of hard to connect whatever prospera was doing to the political goings-on of the plot... to be honest, throughout the whole quiet zero thing, i kept thinking to myself, "god, i wish we were looking at the political situation on earth instead right now"

I Should Read The Tempest BTW

this show's character writing is straight up fantastic. i feel like almost every single character was memorable and charming in some way

for some reason, though, ojelo's name is only said once in this entire show. i'm not kidding. they tell you his name when they introduce him and then never say it again. i know this because i heard his name in his first appearance, forgot it, and then spent the rest of the show waiting for them to say it again so i could remember it. it never happened. do you know who ojelo gabel is? no, you don't. because they ONLY SAY HIS NAME ONCE.

also, unpopular opinion, but i don't really care for prospera. i don't know if i'm insane for this, but after watching it multiple times i STILL don't understand that scene where all the ghosts from the prologue are talking to prospera and suletta's like "you chose eri's future over revenge, and i can't fault you for that!" like, holy shit, i genuinely don't get it. she didn't do that at all. she killed people? she actively declared that she wanted to get revenge on delling rembran and Kill Him? am i missing something. this scene doesn't make any sense. if this scene makes sense to you legit please explain it to me

i had fun yay ^_^ ok thanks for reading

[hana-loves-bumblebees]

Remember when I said I’d write a Trials of Apollo fanfic about Pothos, son of Iris and Zephyrus? Well, big surprise, I’m actually working on it?!?!?! (I’m

surprised myself.)

Here, you can have a little taste:

You remember the times when you weren't burdened by any of the gods’ doings. You were just a child, a toddler running around in the gardens at Mount Olympus barefoot, laughing, frolicking around with the nymphs. At the end of the day, your mother would come pick you up and carry you up to the mountain, where your house was. Your father would come soon, too, picking you up and dancing around the room with you in his arms. That period would not last long, though.

As soon as you learned to fly, you got your first job. Aphrodite noticed you and demanded you serve her. That wasn't bad, because now you spent most of your time with young gods your own age and made many friends among them - Hymenaios, for one. Then there was Eros, already looking like a human teenager, who liked to teach you younglings to dance, when he was in a good mood. And Aphrodite was quite sweet to you. She kept gushing over your baby cheeks and tiny dual-colored wings and brown eyes that flashed all the colors of the rainbow when you were particularly happy, feeding you bits of apple pieces drizzled in honey as she did so. Those times were also good. But they, of course, didn't last.

The best memory you have of your father also occurred in these times. He taught you how to suck in as much air as you could, and release it, creating a whirlwind. You remember his dark wavy hair that you inherited floating around his face in whatever direction he commanded. You remember his dark eyes shining with pride and mirth as you managed to make a tiny tornado. You remember him tickling your belly as you tried it again. You remember, and you mourn.

You didn't notice at first, but soon after, your father started coming home later and later with each evening, and when he did, he went straight to bed. Your mother became more and more irritated with every day, from her husband´s indifference and her hard task of serving as a handmaiden to the Queen of the gods both. One day she snapped. She yelled. Your father yelled back. That was the start. Soon, all their days were filled with screaming, fighting, dark whirlwind destroying your house. You curled up in the corner, hands over your ears, tears in your eyes, as the whirlwind tore at your clothes, at your hair and your red and golden feathers. You tried not to listen, but still, some words got caught in your mind. “Cheater” was one of them. “Controlling bitch” was another. “Fuck off to Sparta then,” another.

Soon after, your parents separated and left you in the middle. You saw your father for the last time when he stormed out of your house, which had been more of a wreck by then. He didn't look back. You stayed with your mother for some time as she relocated and left her job of a godly messenger to some new god, Zeus’ son called Hermes. You also remained by Aphrodite’s side, but now your friends looked at you in pity when you weren't looking. Eros looked at you more pitifully than the others, but why, you had no idea.

Eventually, as you grew (though your body remained no older than a human at, say, four years old), your mother started looking at you with disdain. Sometimes when she looked at you, she´d shudder and look away. At first, you didn't know why that was, but you'd understand soon enough. For when you looked into a mirror, you saw you resembled your father more and more. The same face, hair, skin color and even your wings seemed more red than golden these days. So you decided to ease her load.

You ran away. She didn’t look for you.

And that was that.

[r6-unifiedlands]

Forgive and (not) Forget

[Jamison "Stena" Harmonics, Maxim "Kapkan" Basuda, & Emil "Fenrir" Svensson]

Summary: News of Fenrir's arrival after Brava's mission reached a certain bedridden Russian, and Kapkan invited the Swede to meet him coincidentally.

A/N: It took me several writer's blocks to finish this fic btw.

It’s been a few days since Fenrir was found during Brava’s mission.

Although he couldn’t see the whole interrogation of the Swedish chemist due to his bedridden state, Jamie managed to get Grace to hack a couple of CCTVs inside the interrogation room to check the situation without having to get up. The fee was enough to drain his wallet, but anything for his personal gain.

The first thing that he noticed was the pale skin, complemented by his long, messy hair, a colour as dark as charcoal, slicked back to make use of his eyesight. Dark bags under his clear blue eyes, slightly darker colour than Elias’ baby blue ones. Unfortunately, the bulky, tech-like upper suit that he’d been wearing hid most of his physique. He could’ve judged the overall mass of his body.

Harmless, that was his quick conclusion about this “Fenrir” guy. Just a guy who made some irreversible mistakes and is trying to redeem himself.

[He’s bad at judging people, but mistrust is costly, and he wouldn’t be able to extract the information himself if he kept his doubt at the moment. Well, as soon as he’s no longer in this stupid white cot, anyway.]

Maxim was kind enough to visit him daily, reporting to him about today’s training outcomes or gossiping about things that happened in the base. Sometimes, he sneaked in alcohol and got themselves drunk until the older Russian got chased out by one of Rainbow’s medical personnel, and he laughed it all out loud, definitely not sober.

[One time, he came into the room with blood draining from a large cut on the side of his head and claimed that a stray metal debris flew during a breaching simulation, and he wasn’t careful enough to avoid the shrapnel. When the older Russian saw how worried Jamie became, the stoic face softened and ruffled his hair. “I’ll be alright, Братан. Worry about your shattered legs first, okay?”]

Today, Maxim came a bit later than usual, still in his combat uniform. His face was still as stoic and unreadable as usual, but Jamie could feel slight tension coming from the older man. Should he probe him?

“It’s about Fenrir.” Maxim's rough voice almost startled him. “The American let him join Redhammer. Not little people like the decision.”

Fenrir. Right. The ex-Keres Legion. “Who? How much?”

The other took his seat at the usual place, a plastic armchair. The one that would break if you move too much. “The Arabics, minus the giant. The Italian girl as well.” He hummed. “I think that one too. What’s his name again? Jacky or something.”

“Jackal? Hell, even Ryad??” The Spaniard man was not the nicest around and could be quite snappy during trying times, but he was one of the people who helped him integrate into Rainbow. He’d seen that man talking to a body double of a mannequin while sipping his God-knows-how-much coffee at three in the morning, though.

Maxim leaned back, gaze hidden under his hood, intent well hidden. “I do not mind Fenrir. He’s a great soldier and an important informant for us.” He started, “Jordan asked me to watch over him around the base and for him to get to know the people. Everyone had been staring at us. At him.”

“I thought he would not mind. But I can see it on his face.” The hardened face softened. “His regret, his panic. It came out so sudden. It was… something. I had to put him close to me for most of time. ”

 This was one of the rare times Maxim actually sympathized with someone outside of the Russian circle. A surprising outcome, but good.

“You like him?”

“A little bit.” A small shrug. “He reminds me of a puppy. The kind that would run around the streets and hide to avoid animal control. He’s scared of strangers with ill intention and wary of people that wanted to help him.”

One more thing that he knows about Maxim is that he’s a hunter. Observing wildlife and animals to read their body language is a part of his skill set. His calm nature and stoic expression are the marks of the experience he had both in the cold mountains and harsh city life during his undercover time. Jamie trusted his animal metaphors a lot.

“Poor guy.” Jamie straightened up his back, frowning a bit. He forgot he couldn’t wiggle his toes for the time being. “Now that you’re here, where is he?”

“He–”

The clinic door slid open, and hot air blew inside the cooler room, carrying the scent of rusted metal. From the corner of his eyes, he could see the familiar tech-like upper suit peeking from the gap, then the messy mop of jet-black hair. 

Fenrir. In the flesh.

“Emil, good to know you can find your way here.” Maxim shifted his sitting position, leaning closer to Jamie. “Meet my friend. This is Stena. You can call him Jamie.”

The closer he looked at the clearly sleep-deprived man, the more he could see him in more detail. The thick bags under his eyes were bigger than the time he saw him on cams. Tired, half-lidded eyes cautiously scanned his surroundings. Slicked-back bangs that made the hair look puffier, like a maned wolf’s coat. There’s a trace of shaved facial hair on his chin, all the way to the top of his lips. Is the hard piece part of his uniform detachable? What’s the meaning of the three crowns engraved on the hard armor piece?

“–and that’s why he’s been staying here. It’s a common thing.” Maxim’s barks of laughter brought the young Russian back to reality. Fenrir had sat beside his senior, taking a noticeable distance from his cot. “He has a reckless spirit. Too bad I need to watch over his ass, or this would happen again.”

“It’s nothing, really!” Jamie exclaimed. “I’m glad Jordan and Ash didn’t get too much damage. They’re the core of Redhammer, after all.”

Maxim frowned. It’s not the good kind. “Ah. With that attitude, you would not be able to protect the little jackrabbit, Братан.”

[The image of Reth’s bloodied, limp body burned into his mind like a curse. Burn scars littered half of her petite body. Small shrapnels dug their way deep into the flesh. He could still remember the sickening smell of burnt flesh and gunpowder. Her little smile peeked from the corner of her mouth, telling her older brother that she didn’t like seeing him getting all sappy in a soft, raspy voice.

Her hands were smaller than he’d expected. He never noticed it during their first time meeting after years of living separately on different continents. He squeezed her hand gently, and it didn’t squeeze back.]

It took all of his willpower not to retort back, biting his tongue in the process. “I trust her. I trust Ghosteyes’ medical workers and Sir Fisher’s promise to care for her.”

“I know, I know.” A gloved hand found its way on top of his head. It was warm. “Your sister is a stubborn jackrabbit. Cav and Zero know their stuff.”

“Jackrabbit?” Fenrir, or rather Emil, raised his hand slightly. “Who’s that?”

“He meant Operator Espion. She’s my little sister.” There was a slight sense of pride blooming inside of his chest when he heard Reth’s codename out of his own mouth. “We’re blood-related, and she’s the one that has my Pa’s brain. A smart kid. You’d get along with her when she recovered from her injuries.”

Emil hummed, nodding in understanding. “Now, how are your condition?”

“They’ll remove my casts tomorrow, and then I’ll undergo physiotherapy to strengthen my thighs again.” He wiggled his feet, wrapped in thick plaster. “When I saw the rontgen picture of my shattered legs, it was kinda life-changing.” He let out a small chuckle.

“Never thought your legs would be into pieces like paper shreds,” Maxim added.

Laughter echoed through the medical room, and it came from Jamie himself. “Dude, even Gustave scolded me not to jump into the explosion! He said I was lucky my legs were still salvageable enough that they didn’t need to put rods and plates for extra support.”

“Ah…” Emil’s expression soured, lowering his gaze. “I’m sorry about your injuries.”

“It’s all good, really!” There was a tinge of worry from himself towards the Swede, so he gave the other a small smile in an attempt to reassure him. “You didn’t cause the injury. I was just being a tad bit reckless during the mission.”

[“Goddamnit– James, don’t come here!” Reth screamed out, throwing her whole body weight to the side of the supposed shipment box and pushing it away from the entrance. “This whole thing is a trap, you’ll get caught–”

Jamie didn’t listen. He never listens. “I don’t care!!!” He put his shield behind him and pushed the box along with her. “I’m supposed to be the one protecting you. I’m your fucking brother.”

“Outside the field, we may be siblings.” She’s scared. He could hear her voice tremble. “But in here, we’re soldiers. We have higher risks of dying.” He wanted to comfort her. “One of us. At least one of us should survive. Polar needs her older siblings.”

He could hear it now. The timer’s soft beeps as it counts its seconds.

Ten seconds remaining. They won’t make it unscathed.

Everyone was out already, and only two of them still remained inside the warehouse. They should’ve gotten out as soon as they can before the chance of them surviving reaches absolute zero.

‘At least one of us should survive.’]

“Besides, I’m a Redhammer. Handling high-risk missions is my duty.” Jamie leaned back down onto his cot. “Just like you, I have the same qualifications and what it takes to be one.”

Emil nodded. “You’re a good operator.”

“And so are you, Emil.” Maxim chimed in, followed by Jamie’s nodding. “Do not let the past define you. Or people’s words. They can be very biased.”

Once again, the Swede averted his gaze. “I appreciate it, but I don’t need your comfort and pity.”

“Don’t need or don’t feel like you deserve them?” Maxim’s words seemed to hit their target, seeing how Emil flinched from his seat, grimacing. The older Russian knows how to hit anyone’s nerve in general, so Jamie wasn’t surprised. “You cannot please all people here. But remember that not all people hate you.”

Emil’s head hung down low. “I didn’t mean to undermine your care and attention at all.” His voice was softer than before.

Self-deprecation, averting eyes, and anxiety. Signs of guilt and regret.

They were the same signs that his Pa would make every time he came home from missions from Spetsnaz and Rainbow.

[“Pa? Are you okay?”

Jamie was too young to understand the reason for his dad’s odd behaviors. How he sometimes stared into nothingness, eyes filled with nothing. How his hands trembled slightly. The way he sprinted like hell towards him when the young child cried for help. There were many moments when he found out his dad was still wide awake in the darkness late at night, sobbing silently.

He didn’t want his dad to be sad, so he asked him the cause. Maybe he could help him.

The response that he got was his dad’s large hand on top of his head, gently ruffling his fluffy brunette hair.

“Papa’s alright, James.” The words were gentle, and so was his dad’s expression. “Papa did something bad. And God gave Papa his karma.”

“Karma?” Jamie wrapped his arms around his dad’s torso. “But you saved people!”

“I did, kiddo.” The child giggled loudly as his dad lifted him up and let him cling to his chest. “But sometimes, Papa makes mistakes. Mistakes that even Papa cannot remove.”

Mistakes that couldn’t be forgiven even by God.]

“Did you know about the discovery of gunpowder?” The Swede perked up. His deep blue eyes shined slightly. Like a puppy that got asked for a treat.

“It was a part of the four greatest inventions of China, no? One of the earliest recipes for it consists of saltpeter, charcoal, and sulfur.” Jamie nodded. From what he’d seen while watching the hacked interrogation session, Emil’s knowledge as a chemist shouldn’t be underestimated.

Jamie grinned widely. “Correct. Humanity’s most impactful invention that helped people expand their knowledge in exchange for uncounted sacrifices of human lives. Conflicts develop demands for countries to advance technologies further, and competitions create a sense of urgency.”

“Beside the giant impact it left, however, nobody asked about the original intention of the founding. Why it was developed in the first place.” Jamie pointed at Emil, a confident smile plastered all over his face. “Gunpowder, just like your thingy, was made for the sake of helping humanity in mind. Gunpowder was an accidental discovery in an attempt to make an elixir to prolong a human’s already short lifespan.”

“Just because the things that you developed lost their original functions, doesn’t mean you can’t use them under their original intentions. Like how we at Rainbow use firearms to save civilians and keep the peace around the world, you can still use your thingy to assist you in your missions and keep the casualty numbers low.” The confidence smile shrunk down into an awkward one. “...Do you get what I’m saying?”

[“James? Do you think we’re doing the right thing?”

Reth’s words echoed throughout the silent workshop, eyes still fixated on tinkering her gadgets. Jamie was only supposed to watch her in the distance, but he couldn’t help but feel something familiar with this scenario.

He hummed a bit, grabbing a plastic chair near the entrance and taking a seat right beside her. “I do think that spec-ops might not be the holiest job in the world,” just like their late dad, who was burdened by the same job, “but if nobody’s going to do it, civilians would have more challenging times with handling armed men, like terrorists and the governments themselves.”

She put down her tool before swiveling around in her chair, frowning. “I know, but what if the people we’re fighting against have a reasonable motive to fight? What if we’re just mere pawns for corrupt governments?” She stopped moving around, folding her arms, nails digging into her shoulder blades. “People have their right to voice their opinions, but when nobody listened to them, they would resort to violence to get people’s attention.”

Guilt. Self-doubt.

The same guilt that clouded his late dad’s mind.

“Rainbow isn’t like that, no.” He put his hand on his sister’s head. “If they’re like that, they won’t hire people with zero-casualties policy like Gustave. He’s very strict about it, too. I’ve seen how he works.”

“But…”

She’s right to an extent. Rainbow, for him, is still shrouded in mystery. There wasn’t much info about it on the internet, and he couldn’t verify whether most of their missions’ hostile targets were rebellious groups that fought against dictators or actual terrorists. Every time he was in the field, a tinge of self-doubt often clouded his judgment, and Maxim would end up covering for him.

He could still remember his dad’s empty gaze and silent sobs in the darkness.

His mom, fortunately, had a way of easing up a small fraction of her husband’s guilt, in the form of a metaphor.

“Do you know about the history of gunpowder?”]

Silence settled in between the three of them, then cracked as soon as Maxim chuckled out loud. His face now has a small, warm smile nestled on his usual stoic expression. “Trying to be wise, are you? Aleksandr would lose his shit if he heard this.”

Jamie blinked. Red blush seeped out of his cheeks and ears almost immediately. “Well– people tend to forget that they’re humans, too. Mistakes were prone to happen, and accidental discoveries ended up being created, for better or for worse.” He glanced at Emil once again. “You too, don’t go too hard on yourself.”

“I…” There was a moment of hesitation in Emil’s words, feeling conflicted with himself. “How can you be so sure?”

“Because, Emil,” Jamie’s tone was gentle, similar to how he talked to his frustrated sister, “people deserve second chances at trying. Using what they have to do the right thing once again.”

“If you want to earn a permanent place in Rainbow, Fenrir, try and forgive yourself first.”

Just like what his dad would do.