#saw a few blogs do this and wanted to do it myself lol

[lazybug16]

Mid-year book freakout tag

1. Best book you've read so far in 2024

Upside down by N. R. Walker

2. Best sequel you've read so far in 2024

Like you've nothing left to prove by E. L. Massey

3. New release you haven't read yet but want to

Together in a broken world by Paul Michael Winters

4. Most anticipated release for the second half of the year

The pairing by Casey McQuiston

5. Biggest disappointment

Finding my name by Estelle Grant

6. Biggest surprise

They hate each other by Amanda Woody

7. Favourite new author (debut or new to you)

Every single one from the books I liked lol

8. Newest fictional crush

Nope

9. Newest favourite character

All the ones from the books I liked this year lol

10. Book that made you cry

No book made me cry so far but Dear Wendy by Ann Zhao was the closest one

11. Book that made you happy

The passing playbook by Isaac Fitzsimons

12. Favourite book to film adaptation that you've seen this year

Haven't seen one but hope to watch Aristotle and Dante after I reread the books

13. Most beautiful book you've bought so far this year (or received)

I wish you all the best by Mason Deaver

14. What books do you need to read by the end of the year

I don't have a goal, I just read when I want to lol

15. How many new books have you read so far

17

Tagging (no pressure) @piebingo @cultofsappho @myladyofmercy @softpinkflower @thefrizz13 @just-some-bookworm @insomnia3555 @nerdy-bi-chaos @kkaarrddaann @panchali-p @strangelymyselfagain @lowlightslowlifes @aled-first @impossibleknots @destiel-shipper-11 @mmmarilyn @spacingout394 @thejackrandahotel @young-skam @annoyingbibliophile @fluttershyslovelyworld @sparklingstarr-tv @fullsunsets @trumpkinhotboy

[not-souleaterpost]

When you deleted your reddit acount because the Soul Eater reddit doesnt like your posts

Nah but for real, say what you want about tumblr, but reddit is so much more anoying - but maybe thats most social media, tried uploading videos on tiktok only to get copyright stuck the same second or just have them deleted for vague comunity guidelines shit, maybe I was too hard on youtube.

I know crying about reddit is pathetic but I dunno, just let me vent lol, idunno gotta get my shit together, too many distractions and other bullshit.

[thespookiestparker]

The Price Of Freedom

A/N: hello everyone!! it feels very weird to be coming back to this blog with a new fic but I’ve been trying to put this together for months, I’ve finally torn myself away from the game for long enough to write about it lol enjoy!

p.s. I also made this playlist after I romanced him for the very first time and it was what I was listening to if you want some ✨mood music✨

Summary: Astarion struggles with his newfound livelihood now that he isn’t bound to Cazador

Pairing: Spawn!Astarion x GN!Tav

CW: Angst (That gets resolved), blood mention/description (kind of inevitable with a vampire but 🤷🏻‍♂️)

Over your time traveling with your newfound friends, you and Astarion had grown to be what you considered close. When everyone else had bedded down for the night, the two of you would more often than not find each other.

It had taken time, and you honestly weren’t sure it would happen. For a while, you were left to wonder if Astarion even liked anyone at camp, let alone you. Sometimes, he’d let things slip, though.

Like when you threw a pile of shit at that goblin’s face, he’d let out a soft chuckle. Short and sweet, something you’re sure he didn’t mean to set free, but he did nonetheless before the fighting had broken out. Or, a week later, when you’d started to catch him sneaking glances at you over the campfire as you spoke to Gale or Wyll. You could’ve sworn that a flash of jealousy flashed in his eyes from time to time, but you’d never tell him that you noticed. You didn’t want to embarrass him, even if he would never admit to feeling that kind of emotion.

It all came to a head at the party that was held at your camp with the tieflings from the emerald grove, when he’d asked to sneak away with you for the night for some ‘fun’. Something about him had seemed…off that night when you looked back on it. Astarion had seemed too composed for someone who’d been drinking. The vampire hadn’t said much about his past by then, other than that he’d had a master in Baldur’s Gate who had treated him like he was less than nothing. You could tell that pity wasn’t the answer here, that he would only take offense to something like that, so instead you showed him respect. He was a formidable ally, after all, you couldn’t afford to lose him, even if you hadn’t developed feelings for him.

Now, you were almost inseparable. Every time you fell in battle, he was the first to rush to help you up, and at first you weren’t sure if it was because he’d smelled your blood or if he was genuinely trying to help. That was, until you saw his eyes widen in a way you’d never seen before and only a few times since, vulnerable concern etched into his pale face. It made a pang of guilt explode in your chest that you’d ever thought any less of him.

Every day seemed to allow you to peel away at his prickly, impatient, and overall grumpy layers to get to the man beneath. The softer, more broken elf that had been hiding behind all these nearly impenetrable walls that he only seemed to let down around you, though it had been only partial to start. Even if someone else in the party was able to take a glimpse, you were slowly piecing together the whole picture.

Or at least, you thought you were.

It was the night before you were to reach Baldur’s Gate when the next one of those walls came crashing down around him, startling both of you.

You sought him out in the night, as you usually did, but when you peered into his tent, it was empty. Before you had time to process that, you heard his voice in the form of a deep growl behind you,

“What are you doing?”

Your body whipped around to face him, immediately noticing how he was towering over you. The blood on his chin glistened in the faint light of the moon, catching your gaze before his eyes of the same piercing red did.

You must’ve had a fearful look on your face because he seemed to snap back into his own mind, his expression going from a feral sort of anger to something akin to the familiar loving and vulnerable look you’d come to adore. But this was different. There was a deep sort of pain in his eyes, it made you instinctively extend your hand to him before he tore himself away.

“Don’t touch me.” he spat, his voice guarded and icy. He nearly pushed past you to get to his tent, to shroud himself in the familiarity of complete darkness and isolation.

“Astarion, wait—“ you tried, your hand hesitantly floating between the two of you as he angrily gripped the flap of his tent.

“Just. Leave me be. For tonight.” His voice was nothing more than a whisper just before he disappeared behind the red burlap of his tent.

The heaviness in your heart was devastating and cold, but you left him alone for now and decided to sit by the fire instead. Keeping watch over your sleeping friends as tears spilled silently over your cheeks.

All you could think about was comforting him, holding him in your arms until the pain seeped out of him in waves. But you weren’t about to go against his wishes, so instead you let your emotions run free until you fell asleep. You didn’t mention anything to the others in the morning, and you didn’t want them to notice. Astarion’s business was his own to share, not yours, so you weren’t going to let your emotions get in the way of that. He deserved privacy after all this time, you weren’t about to get in the way of that.

The next days distanced the two of you as your group explored the city. He seemed just as closed off as when you’d started your adventure, if not more, and you were afraid that nothing could get him to open up to you again. It seemed like the others may have noticed as well, though it wasn’t exactly a secret. The silence between the two of you was loud enough to be heard miles away.

“OOO! A circus! Can we go?!” Karlach squealed, gesturing to a sign that displayed a brightly colored poster for something called ‘The Circus of The Last Days’.

Maybe not everyone had noticed. No one else had said anything to contradict you, so you didn’t touch upon it.

“Sure, we can go.” You chuckle, trying your hardest to seem normal right now, for Astarion’s sake if not yours. You lead everyone into the circus, past the elf and the ghoul at the gate, and you all end up splitting off until it was just you and Astarion. You half expected him to distance himself from you again, since he’d seemed to need to be alone, but then his words from last night echoed in your mind.

“Just for tonight”

You weren’t sure why he’d suddenly wanted the distance, but you didn’t want to question it. He was well within his rights, but you couldn’t help the worry gnawing in your stomach that you were constantly pushing down.

All of it was interrupted when he slipped his hand in yours, a discreet maneuver that would’ve gone unnoticed by anyone looking at the two of you, before you felt him squeeze it. A wordless apology, which you happily accepted for now. You could talk later, for now, it felt safe to be enjoying the circus amidst the chaos that was your lives.

“Darling, do you think a statue of me would be too much for our little camp?” He asked, his normal smug confidence radiating from him as he posed next to a nearby tent. It was owned by a mud mephit and his wife, who were conveniently named Boney and Stoney, and advertised statues made of the likeness of any passersby willing to pay their price.

“It costs 5,000 gold!” You laughed, shaking your head at him as you tugged on his arm in a vain attempt to pull him away from said tent.

“So? Don’t you want something to immortalize my beauty for all of eternity?”

“I don’t need it, I already have you.”

The love and care you shower him with never ceased to take him off his guard, but he smiled regardless and continued on with you through the circus, enjoying the frivolous nature of the it all.

Days of traveling later, once your party had not only found Cazador, but made sure he was good and dead, you decided to at least attempt to breach the subject when he seemed to be more stable. Your relationship was so fragile that something this deep and painful could shatter it, which was exactly what you didn’t want.

That night, you found him just as you always did on nights like these, sitting by the dying fire as the rest of your friends headed to their separate corners of your dwelling for the night.

“May I join you?” You ask softly, gently touching his shoulder now that he’d been the first one to make physical contact earlier that day. You always let him take the lead on things like that because you wanted to let him be the one to make the choice of whether or not he wanted that kind of affection, knowing he had so little of his own autonomy for so many years. Even if he had expressed to you that it was becoming easier to differentiate you from those sorts of feelings.

“Of course, darling, always.” He responds in a similar tone, turning his head to look at you as you sat yourself beside him which made some of his stark white curls fall into his eyes.

“There have been times when you seemed to…” You pause, considering your wording for a moment, “...disagree with that statement.”

“That was different, I was…not myself.” He seemed almost disgusted by something, presumably something about himself or the way he acted last night.

“I’ve never seen you that way, it was almost like you were—”

“A vampire?” he interrupted, and you rest your hand over his where it lay on his knee,

“Someone else…You know that I see you for more than what you are. That I always have.”

“Regardless, I am lucky that you saw me in that state and not anyone else. I haven’t been that disheveled since I was first turned, and anyone else would only see a monster, which frustrates me all the more,” without letting you speak, he continued. Seeming to be fueled by the traumatizing anguish that lies within him, or at least some of it, “because it isn’t fair! I didn’t ask to be a monster! No one told me that I’d be cursed this way, and I regret not dying that night on the street—“ he exploded into a rage, though it was like the one you had seen the night he came back to camp. The same deeply seeded pain behind his eyes was ever present as he roared such hurtful words. He stood quickly, turning away from you as shame diffused from his being.

“Astarion…” You cried, holding out your hand for him only to see him flinch away. As if he was afraid you would hurt him, which made a burning pain spread through you emanating from your heart. It felt wrong, like you’d only made things worse without intending to. The tears that welled in your eyes came without your permission but you were helpless to do anything but keep them from falling.

“What?!” He whirled around to face you, his face spattered with tears. A level of distress and anger you hadn’t seen from him since Cazador’s passing. You’re suddenly reminded of the image that was him, kneeling over his former master’s lifeless body as he sobbed. Shirtless and covered in blood.

It had broken your heart to see him that way, but he’d needed that moment to let what had just happened wash over him. To finally be free.

You snapped back to reality when Astarion seemed to realize what he’d said, and how it had affected you as he roughly rubbed at his tear-stained cheeks.

“I…I don’t really think that way. This…all of this…has been… a bit much for me. Knowing that he forever changed me. That I’ll never truly have a chance to be something other than a monster in the eyes of most–”

You step forward, once again extending your hands but stopping just before you make contact with his skin to ask silent permission from him. He nodded with little to no hesitation, urging you on before you gently cupped his cheeks and continued to speak, “I don’t think that you’re a monster…You’ve said it yourself, you are so much more than he made you. I, for one, fully believe that. If you don’t believe it yourself right away, that’s more than alright, because I’ll be here to remind you. Every step of the way.”

He almost can’t look at you, more salty tears threatening to spill from his red and puffy eyes.

“I…don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t need to right now. All that you need to do right now is to rest. We both should.” You answer gently yet firmly, starting to pull your hands from his face before he grabbed one of your wrists.

“Don’t,” he started, an air of desperation in his words, “I…I haven’t been the kindest to you, and I apologize for that, but I don’t want to be alone. Please.” You hadn’t planned on leaving him, but usually touch was something that had made him uncomfortable so you were simply ending the contact even though he seemed to take it a different way.

“You won’t be alone…I’m here.” You reassure, moving your hand to his shoulder instead while letting him hold your wrist. “But I stand by my statement. Come on,” You lead him inside his own tent, bedding down with him for the first time since the night he’d come back to camp covered in something else’s blood, though it would be far from the last.

[diaprincess-dl]

First of all, thank you for who you are, and especially for choosing to share it with the world.

I am DL, with very few AB tendencies, if I understand correctly, you are also like that, with a connection to the DL world mainly.

There are very few women in the community in general, and in particular those who are DL. It's really refreshing to see that the first girl I notice that she's DL, she's also the most amazing beauty I've ever seen wearing diapers, and with a face that has real angelic cuteness.

I wanted to ask, and I would be very happy if you could answer, Even if not a complete answer, at least to know that you read and saw what I wrote, it will be very, very flattering to me.

When did you start wanting to wear a diaper? Is it sexual? If so, at what age did you realize it was related to sexual arousal? And if not, what in your soul makes you want this? At what age did you first put on diapers after initial weaning from diapers? And according to the fact that you had, from what I understand, late night wets, did your parents force you to wear a diaper? And when was the first time you put on a diaper in a section where it was clear to you that it was a so-called 'forbidden act'?

Sorry for the flood of questions.

I had a theory that was destroyed because of you, that these are only men can be a DL, because the sexual sensation associated with diapers somehow comes from stimulation and friction of the genital organ at a very young age in a diaper, which causes the brain to develop something very primitive to want a diaper, something that, technically, does not happen with women or should not happen for obvious reasons. And this is the reason that from the very, very basic tests I did, a lot of DL, these are children who were weaned at a relatively late age, 3, 4 and even 5. Then they develop the desire to wear a diaper, and at the age of 13 or so, it develops into something sexual. And that is why women are not DL, because the stimulation is supposed to be a lot more rarer.

One last thing I want to tell you is that the day I see a picture of you with a soaked diaper under your clothes, my day looks like rainbow.

Thank you so much for this!!!

Hiiyaaa 💕👸🏼

Thank you for such a kind message 🤗 I am definitely more into the DL side of things, you are absolutely correct but I do love some aspects of the AB side, I just don’t tend to share them online as much.

So I just started kindof dabbling in the world of diapers a few years ago, but had been wetting my pants and bed (some accidents, some on purpose) for literal years before I discovered the idea of wearing diapers… When I was a teen I went through phases where I would wet my bed like every night on purpose and then try to hide the evidence in the morning from my parents 🤦🏼‍♀️ they mentioned things a couple of times, but nowhere near the amount I was actually wetting the bed… they probably knew though lol.. l I definitely have a watersports kink, absolutely 🙊. Anyway I felt so silly for not thinking about the idea of using diapers sooner but diapers just never occurred to me lol. A few years back I saw my first porn video with another girl in a diaper and I was just in awe and had to try it myself 🤭.

Slowly I started to indulge more and more into blogs and personal ab/dl blogs to the point that I just kindof gradually mentally got myself in a space where I thought that I could try wearing diapers more often, which started off as just at night (when I was 26 to answer one of your questions)…. But somewhere in this phase I realized the convenience aspect of wearing 👀.. I could actually go through a full night in bed without having to get up to pee, so what started as a kink lead to discovering more than just that. I started wearing diapers all night, every night and just got used to waking up and wetting them, but this slowly, and I do mean slowly, about a year of wearing every night, turned into me starting to barely remember waking up to wet and eventually just flat out not remembering/not waking up and wetting myself most nights of the week. This was kindof scary but also turned me on? 🤷🏼‍♀️🤭 sooo I just kept doing it.

Here’s where the “convenience” aspect let me start wearing during the day: long road trips or long days out with my partner meant there was no real good spots to stop for the restroom all of the time. Things like concerts or big gatherings where there is drinking and long lines for the ladies room… I started wearing diapers to some of these things, not much as first but when I’d go back to not being diapered and have to suffer waiting in line, or waiting for a pit stop.. it was those moments that I seriously realized how much better it was being padded 💡 It was a little scary at first wearing diapers in public, especially wetting them.. also especially because I typically wear leggings or short dresses, so there is always some way that it can be seen. I’ve slowly just started to realize most people don’t care what you’re wearing for underwear, especially strangers. Friends on the other hand… 😬🫠 I know that some of my friends have noticed my diapers. I’ve had friends over for wine nights and forgot (on multiple occasions) to throw away my night time diapey and it was folded up on the bathroom floor and two of my friends went in there before I had went in and noticed. I’ve had a leak while waiting for a cab with my other friend and it was just us waiting outside in the quiet and I know she could hear the leaking onto the pavement. I also have multiple pictures on here of a diaper(s) I was wearing for while we were all hanging out…. So like all that and many other random occasions I’m sure lots of my friends know I wear diapers, I’m just waiting for someone to say something 🙊🙊 but part of me knowing they know, secretly turns me on? I’m super weird 🫠

So anyway since I knew there was a really big and accepting community out there for this, I finally got the courage to make a blog on Tumblr. It actually just started out as a personal blog for myself to be honest. Just a place where I could document my progress and share this side of me, for pictures I could go back and look at… I had no idea it would blow up like this. 😳 but I am extremely grateful and happy about it 💕💕

I wear diapers all of the time now, and am 100% nighttime bladder incontinent, and daytime at this point of a year wearing diapers 24/7 and NEVER trying to hold it….. I’m like basically there for daytime incontinence. 2 years ago I could totally hold it for hours like any other girl, but now I legitimately need diapers to keep me ‘dry’. I did it all to myself and part of me can’t believe it, but most of me is really happy I did it to myself 💕

[lotusmi]

SUCCESS STORY!!🤎🧸

tw//mental problems, abusive family, bullying, suicide attempt, manifest/void obsession

first of all i want to thank lotus because it helped me even when i was thinking about suicide❤️‍🩹

it's been years since I learned loa and I was having problems with the manifest. althought I have known loa for 2-3 years, i constantly reacted to 3D and for such reasons I could not manifest anything for 2-3 years. and when i first learned loa i was obsessed with void. I was hurting myself to enter void. like if you don't enter void today I will kill you. i was crazy because of void. at the same time, I was staying in the family environment that dragged me to death, and I was bullied at school . i was hated by people even though i did nothing. i tried to commit suicide many times, my family wouldn't let me go to the therapist. also, no one said anything to the bullying I saw. thats why I bullied myself for years in the same way. if I told anyone I was being bullied and asked for help, they would say it was probably my problem to my face💀💀 and towards the end of 2022, i seriously couldn't stand it anymore. i was constantly reading blogs [i think there is no blog i haven't read, lmao] and the last time i couldn't stand it, i tried suicide again, but i failed. later i wrote to lotus and she gave me a lot of advice (baby ily😩❤️) and i cried more than i have ever cried that night. the problem is that while people were already ruining me, the real problem was that i was ruining myself too. after that day, in the first week, i had so many problems in my manifest journey. but until 2023, i said to myself, "i don't want to live like this anymore. i deserve the life I want.” i made a promise. and every time I felt like quitting, i remembered my promise to myself. and now i have revised my whole life, i live in dubai🤭. if you're going to ask how i did this, i started to listen to my inner voice, i almost stopped entering tumblr. i stopped affirming and wrote down the things that i was gonna revise one by one, and added them to the notes app on my phone. i made a note at the bottom that I already have these in my life. when “what if I can't manifest the life I want?” if such thoughts came to my mind, i told myself that the creation was already finished. in this process, i focused only on myself and was developing my self concept. before I went to bed at night, i was constantly imagining the life I wanted and I was staying in that state and saying I already had the life I wanted, I didn't affirm anything extra. and even those who made life difficult for me started to apologize to me. (i manifested their karma life lol) anyway I don't want to talk more about those bitches but I want to mention this. please take a break. relax. stay away from things like void, loa for a few days. I noticed that some of you are obsessed with void on this blog. but i must say void is just a method. if i manifested the life i wanted when i was only 12-13 years old, you can do it too. take a break and do what feels good to you. love yourself. loa blogs can help you up to a point. they can't spare all their days for you. start taking responsibility. find manifest methods that work well for you. love yourself. meditate. i’ve talked a lot but I would like to add that, if someone tells you that you are the cause of the circumstances you are experiencing right now, that you created the conditions in which you live, please tell them to shut their fucking mouths. no such thing. i was blaming myself again, thinking what a disgusting monster i am just because this “you create ur reality” thingy. but the truth is that creation is already over. good luck!

MY FAV SUCCESS STORY TO EXIST!!!! 😭

I literally cried when this girl texted me saying she is living her dream life, I was so pround, I am pround 💗

Backstory, she first texted me 12/15/2022

She told me everything about her circumstances, they were really bad ones, and she was 12 at time and this made my heart so broken (she revised her age) since her parents were really toxic and disgusting ( I am not going to say much about her old story).

So I told her all about the toxic home I lived and how I manifested it away too (my success, my failures).

So, time passed and 01/feb I got this text!

I literally cried because I was so happy for herrrr 💗😭😭

"How she did it?"

She focused in her inner Self being the only reality and ignored all circumstances!

"and i would love to you to add those youtubers and blogs" insta: - kriston jackson youtube: - lana blakely tumblr: - @becomingthatgirl111 — other sources abt loa: - joe dispenza, edward art"

I literally cried so much and I am so happy for you my angel, look how you did it! You were 12 and revised your whole life! 💗💗💗

And that are people out there who don't believe that it is possible to manifest things. Look at this girl 💓

You did it amazing love, I am so pround of you. You are deserving of all the best things in the world. I wish you all the fun in life. Thank you sm for sending me this, I feel so appreciated that I had helped you, but who did all of this was YOU! 💗💗💗

✉️You all, everything is possible!

[nostrildamus]

(I usually don't say this but PLS don't RB this to non snz kink blogs, I feel like this could easily breach containment lol)

so it's half a week into the month but with all the snz prompt challenges I saw going around for the past few months I still wanted to make my own!

soooo ✨Happy Nosevember!!✨ yes, I did mostly just make it for the play on words. but also bc I love anything nose focused. anyways.

Now I know what you're saying. "Hey, what the hell. There are only like. Twelve prompts here."

Well nowadays I consider myself lucky if I get 12 days out of the month where I have the time and energy to focus on art lmao

So this is designed to just be a fun, casual, "do it when you can" art prompt list to give folks inspiration for things to draw (or fics to write, if these prompts inspire that in you!) throughout the month of November! Or beyond tbh! There are no rules!! (except for maybe tag it #Nosevember just bc I wanna be able to see if people actually do this silly lil thing I made)

Have fun y'all!!

[circe69]

heyyy! i love ur writingg sm I recently discovered ur blog - (I also love ur biooooo!), I had this idea and I thought I would share it w you!

imagine reader is simon’s wife/fiancé and a medic, and like an old married couple, reader tells Simon off in front of the rest of the 141 and he’s like lost for words 😭😭 that’s all, I just wanna hear your thoughts hahah! much love 💕

aww thanks so much anon! you're very sweet :3 hopefully this was what you wanted! sometimes i get requests and just run with it...lol enjoy!

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

"You seriously should not have done that, Ghost. What were you thinking out there?" You shouted as you walked into the shared kitchenette. You were following Ghost and trying to keep up with his large strides, but you were not even close to catching up.

"I was being careful, Y/N, but even if I wasn't, that's what I signed up for when I took this job." He slammed his handgun on the table and started ripping off his vest and gear in an inpatient manner. You were too distracted to notice that the rest of the troop was also in the kitchen, eating quietly as you entertained them with your bickering.

"Look, I'm just trying to make sure you know you don't have to-" You paused, "risk your life all the time." You were making a cup of coffee as Ghost caged you in from behind, pressing his chest against your back and kissed the side of you neck carefully, slowly. All you heard was the clearing of throats, most likely coming from Soap, and the heartbeat steadily thumping from Ghost's chest.

"Don't worry about me so much, Miss Medic." He started walking away as you slammed your mug down on the counter, "Well, you can't just tell me to not worry about you! For goodness' sake, I would've killed myself if you'd died." Tears were starting to brim at your waterline, and they would've poured if Captain Price hadn't abruptly stood up, "Simon, a word?"

Ghost rolled his eyes, reluctantly following Price like a little kid getting in trouble. All you saw was the two of them walk into Price's office and the door shutting behind them.

You turned back around to mix sugar into your now-cold coffee. "Don't worry about it too much, miss." Soap said as you sniffled, "As brilliant as the man is, he doesn't think he's worthy of being looked after."

Soap got up from his seat, folding the newspaper he was reading, and walked over to you. Putting his hand on your shoulder, " 'Ts not his fault though." He patted a few times before sliding the newspaper underneath your coffee mug, letting the spilled coffee soak through the material.

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆

"Simon, you have to remember why that woman does what she does. It's not 'cause she needs you to be unwounded for insurance reasons, it's not like she needs you alive to stay hired. That woman loves you," Price said, pointing at the door signaling he meant you, the said woman standing in the kitchen.

Ghost sat down in a chair, leaning his elbow on an armrest and leaning his head on his hand.

He sighed aggressively, "I know." He rubbed his face with a gloved hand before he repeated, "I know, Price."

"Well then, do something 'bout it!"

Ghost looked Price in the eyes for a good minute before nodding slightly and standing up from his seat and opening the door to the kitchen. Price sneaked out from behind him, leaving the kitchen after whispering, "There's some paperwork that's calling me." Simon smirked knowing good and well that every paper he'd need was in the room they were just in, but quietly watched as Price walked off into a different room entirely.

You sat at the table, with your cup of coffee and blank eyes staring into space. Ghost stared back at you, hoping some satellite would signal to your brain that he was sorry, that he really did love how you needed him, but staring alone wasn't going to get through to you; he was going to have to speak.

He sat down in the chair across from you, the metal screeching at his size, his knees slightly bumping the table and making your coffee ripple.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. You finally looked up at him, resting your head in your palm. He loved the way your cheek looked smushed against your hand, the way your eyes looked at him when you wanted to say something but didn't know exactly what.

"It's okay. I was probably being a bit overprotective. Over someone that doesn't really need it." You said, gently placing your foot on top of his giant boot underneath the table.

He smiled at the action and started slowly bouncing his foot up and down, moving yours on top of his. "Who said I don't need it? I get into trouble all the time, you know that."

Chuckling at the thought, you said, "You're reckless," underneath your breath. He noticed, however, "So bloody reckless," he repeated as he stood up from his seat and circled the table around to you.

Ghost towered over you, and as you stood up, he still was over a foot taller than you. His chest was at your eye level, and he loved the way your chin upturned in order to look at him properly. Sometimes he'd pick up your jaw for you and hold it in place with his giant hand.

"You forgive me?" He said, leaning down to your face.

"Of course." You stepped a little closer, slightly teasing him by pushing your body against his.

His finger met your jaw, tracing the soft outline of it, while staring dead at your mouth, "Good." Ghost started to lean into you even more and put his lips on yours until the door opened, "WAHOOO THEY MADE UP! GAZ GET IN HERE NOW." Soap exclaimed at the sight of you and Ghost in close proximity, the way you should be. You heard Gaz running down the hallway, his dog tags rattling against each other before he slid on his toes into the room. He slammed a hand on Soap's chest, "See, I told you they'd be fine. They're practically already married anyways; nothing could break the old geezers."

[chanif-art]

It’s time to..

Happy Birthday to the GREATEST CHANIF✨

(I love everyone equally 🧎🏻‍♀️)

Thank you for being here with me. It is such a long way to continue, yet, you guys are still here. I am truthfully thankful for your support and tons of love that I have received :-)

I started this blog in 2021 because… I saw there was a few yandere art to consume— so, I drew. Initially, I drew for the reason that I wanted to make myself happy (with self-insert, yes🥺). But surprisingly, everyone seemed to enjoy it too..? At that time, I was so happy to know that everyone loved my art. Before I started this blog, I actually gave up drawing once. Maybe it was because of burnout or my low self-esteem. Anyway, I actually wanted to thank me in 2021 for decide to ‘just give it a go, draw for your satisfaction. No one hurts.’ something like that.

And the result went too beyond my expectations. My blog has growth. I got to know there are a lots of people who support me thoroughly during my hardest time. I am so grateful for the community I am part of. Even though I had gone for quite some time, there are still people who waiting for me to comeback— as always. And that… I do not know what to say— I know that I receive so much love. My english cannot elaborate how thankful I am. So all I can say is I appreciate you guys so much! Thank you as always :-)

Despite of the unstable of quality art, you guys still enjoy them. I am grateful for that. Despite of the lack of posting an art, you guys still waiting for me to post. I am grateful for that.

And if I cannot draw the bias that you love (yes, I noticed that I start to draw less Leon and recently start to draw Satoru more often— not to mention others that I barely draw) I am so sorry. I promise that I will draw others if you guys request it.

Now… now.. I would like to thank you:

@alexex8sts for being the biggest supporter!! You have supported me continuously that it becomes invaluable 🩵 it means a ton to me knowing that there is still a person who’s always be here with me. Alexie, thank you as always! Your ideas have inspired me a lot. I, Chanif, thank you for being friend with me🥰

@yune1337 thank you, Wolfie. For supporting me :-) Feel free to chat with me sometimes! I am always available!

@maleyanderecafe and how could I forget the person who makes me so popular?? LOL im kidding, please forget the part where i am popular 😂 Anyway— thank you for reblog and liking my art! I am always thankful for your support🙇🏻‍♀️

Thank you 🥀 anon for being part of Chanif’s family!! Always feel free to come and chat with me anytime you want!! I am here for you :-)

And shoutout to those I have not mentioned! Tons of thank for loving me and my art🩵 if it wasn’t for you guys, I wouldn’t know that the Cucumber007 would receive this much love and appreciation!! Not to mention that the people who followed me(at the time I wrote this) is now 2,222 individuals???? I gasped! Thank you as always!

Happy birthday to me, Chanif :-) you are 21 now and surround by people who adore you

-

Ganknow

[starlightsuffered]

Since your original blog got deleted, I am resending this here because I DK if you have a screenshot of this or not.

Timothee accidentally eating spicy food during fancy date night. (Too polite to send it back.)

He gets sick and then freaks out because he feels like he ruined date night, but Reader shows him that he didn’t

Love you 💕

sorry if you have this saved lol please forgive

Didn’t Ruin Anything

Info - fluff, aversion to spicy food

“What’s the matter angel?” I cut myself off half way through my story.

Timothée’s face was bright red. There was sweat slick on his forehead. He hadn’t eaten much. He was simply pushing food around his plate.

“Nothing,” he shook his head.

“Something is clearly wrong,” I said, unhappily, putting my cutlery down.

“N-no, don’t worry about it.”

“Is it the food?”

“No!” He almost yelped.

“Then take a bite,” I demanded.

“I don’t need-“

“Take a bite,” I encouraged. I knew he was too polite to send food back that he didn’t enjoy.

“I-“

I didn’t let him finish when I saw that he wasn’t doing what I had asked. I reached forward and took a bite of his food.

“Holy shit, babe, this is so spicy,” I said in shock. “Isn’t your stomach hurting?”

“Well, um,” he trailed off. His stomach seemed to answer the question with an odd sound. He looked even more red now and I knew it was because he was embarrassed.

“Come on,” I said, slamming bills down on the table.

“No, no, no, I don’t want to ruin date night!” He nearly wailed as I grabbed his hand and kissed it.

“You’re not, I just don’t want you to feel sick,” I said gently.

He was protesting the whole way home. He had shed a few tears even. My poor boy just wanted to please me. He never wanted me to go without.

“See, isn’t this nice?” I asked. I had given him tums and some peanut butter toast with milk. I was snuggled in his warm arms while we watched a Disney movie. I kissed his cheek.

“I suppose,” he grumbled, but he was smiling.

“You didn’t ruin anything baby.”

“Thank you,” he replied, and pulled me closer.

@pmak2002 @softhecreator @plutoispurplw @sp1deyyf4ngz @hopelesslydevotedsstuff @jesschalamet t I @vvsdreaming

[shepherds-of-haven]

Okay I saw this asked on another blog and it was hilarious so I have to ask here : what do you think inner circle’s Beige Flags are? ( weird/quirky or questionable things they do that give you pause but overall have no real effect on the relationship)

Also hope you are feeling better!! 🩵🩵

Ooh, this is a fun one haha! (And I'm feeling a bit better, thank you! I still haven't fully recovered, but getting there slowly but surely! 🥲) Anyway, let me think...

Blade: rather than accompany you into shops (especially small ones), he assumes you want to be left alone to do your shopping in peace (and also typically finds shopping boring) and will instead just stand outside the door, looming like a really intimidating security guard or bouncer. (He is assessing street security, guarding the only door, and positioning himself within shouting distance in case there's some kind of threat.) This often inadvertently drives away business, so sometimes he'll just wait at the end of the street instead, staring out at the crowd like a member of your own personal secret service

Trouble: sometimes he eats too fast, or more accurately talks too fast while eating, leading to frequent inhalation down the wrong pipe and people having to thump him on the back while he coughs. Sometimes he will power through the coughing by sheer force of will and will just... forcefully swallow through it. He refuses to slow down. Life's too short to try to avoid death by choking

Tallys: doesn't make a ton of affirming noises to let you know that she's listening. A lot of people go "uh-huh" or "wow" or "right" or whatever when you're in the midst of telling a long-winded story. She just stares at you patiently in silence until she's sure you're fully done. This is polite in Elven culture, and she is completely listening, but it can unnerve people who feel pressured by silence lol

Shery: she still has to look at her hands to tell left from right. Like sometimes she has to make her left hand form the L to remember 😅 She also finds it difficult to do math in her head and either has to sketch it out in the air or write it down!

Riel: always leaves a bite or two of food left on his plate; rarely completely cleans his plate. Same with drinks! So many teacups that always have a few sips left at the bottom. Why didn't you just drain it, man? It's like he does it on purpose!

Chase: always takes the most meandering, inefficient way to get to a place. like if the walk from A to B is a straight line down one avenue, he always seems to take the most roundabout, random path. Here, I'll draw you a map:

Red: he is very bad at matching the pace of his walking with others; with those long legs, he walks at a naturally and totally subconscious fast pace! He's mindful about it when on a date or actively courting someone, but when he's focused on something else, excited, traveling, or out and about with friends, he has to frequently be asked to shorten the length of his strides so others can keep up lol

Ayla: I've mentioned this one for her before, but she's very bad about sharing her food. She hates when you snatch a fry off her plate without asking, and even if you do ask, she can be fairly begrudging about it if she perceives food is plentiful (like "why can't you get your own, the line is right there?") In work circumstances, like sharing group rations, she's totally fine, but in restaurants or in the refectory, she's annoyed by it, like "I loaded this plate for myself and planned on eating all of it... myself 😒 If you wanted to share something, you should have said so earlier!"

Briony: she's constantly whipping people in the face with her ponytail. She tends to turn her head really fast or spin around in conversation and whoever's standing near her ends up with a mouthful of hair. She hasn't learned to not smack people in the eye with her hair yet despite several remonstrations

Lavinet: frankly shocked, upset, and scandalized whenever there isn't a little something sweet at the end of a meal. it doesn't have to be a full-on dessert--even a single chocolate served on a plate would do, and is often preferred! but when there's nothing?? nary a profiterole or cream puff or a little sweet treat for the lady in sight?? something is off!! her palette isn't satisfied!!

Halek: he always wakes up in the morning so loudly. unfold from the bed -> crack his back, neck, shoulders with the most ungodly series of pops -> loud groan. It sounds like an old accordion getting stretched out

[nightcolorz]

I stumbled on your blog and i love it sm!!

Its so weird, because i am a huge Marius fan, and you put many reasons why he is my absolute favorite character as things why he SUCKS! Its so cool to me, to read something so accurate and then have someone put out a completely different opinion on it! (i do not think he is Good, none of them are. But i think he is cool, his better qualities resonate with me the most of all the characters, i love lore, and i love reading about him the most)

There are few things, that i do not understand and it bothers me endlessly! I just can't figure out where some readings come from, very sinserely (because i want to respect other readings and interpretations), maybe you could help me understand?

First: that Marius dislikes being challenged and tries to "keep Armand to himself"(generalizing) - as i read it, Marius prefers people who challenge him, can stand up to him. All of his paramours are like that - Pandora, Bianca, Armand, Lestat, Daniel..even Botticelli actively defy him, in a way other characters don't and Marius himself is vocal on that being something he admires about them. He does not know how to deal with that, oh no, but he loves it - the fire he himself does not possess. He also actively helps Armand learn about his culture and family, ready to be left behind when they visit Kievan Rus. He also never shows any type of concern about Armands "daytime" personal connections. As i remember, he encourages it decpite objections, actually.. My personal reading is that most drama and abuse between Marius and Armand is about Marius refusing the codependency Armand desperatly wants. (and them being oppisitely unhealthy about that)

Second: there is a notion, that Marius would not want Armand to grow up? And i do not understand where it comes from at all... Marius actively states (and thinks) that his own wish is to see Armand grown into a Man and he refuses time and time again to turn him before then (or to turn him at all) , until Armand is on the deaths door. (i also saw a thing about shaving, but all of them are shaved before the turning as an old ritual, canonically, i believe, only Santino is unshaved so. I might be wrong tho lol. One of canon reasons (again, if my memories are not faulty) - facial and body hair might go in and out of style, so clean shave helps them blend in better)

I you would spare some time to let me understand where those come from i would be forever grateful, because i sometimes think i am blind (and i might be! Thats why i ask. I am a bit scared that i might be percieved in bad faith, but if i have a blindspot i will not see it myself, so getting outside help is the only way haha)

I hope you have a great day! Thnx for the very least reading my ask!

(this is going to be slightly shorter then I initially wanted it to be bcus I wrote a whole essay and tumblr DELETED IT, so I’m so sorry ur going to get a condescend version of my thoughts 😰 I hope they still make sense, anyways)

Thank u sm anon ur so nice omg 🥹❤️ it makes me so happy that u like my blog!!! Don’t worry at all about coming off as bad faith u only come off as respectful and curious to me. I’m going to answer ur questions the best I can! 🙏

I think that the reason a lot of my Marius posts seem to contradict parts of canon is bcus Marius is a very self contradictory character. His wants are often in conflict with each other, and in his relationship with Armand he is always warring between conflicting desires.

First: I definitely agree that Marius seeks out people who challenge him and does rlly enjoy it (to an extent lol). but the way I perceive it, marius likes to be challenged *to an extent*. He doesn’t want a partner who will be weak and docile with him, he wants a partner he’ll need to fight into being docile and he wants to loose that fight<3.He prefers someone with some fire in them, clearly, based on his choice of lovers lol. And I think this is bcus Marius likes the chase, like any vampire. He likes the thrill of being with someone who makes him hurt for it a little bit, he likes fighting and arguing and struggling to stifle a spark he knows is too bright to put out. But also, like most ppl lol, Marius likes to be challenged only so much as he isn’t challenged to the point of having to change himself. He doesn’t want to change his perspective, whenever a partner of his gets him to rethink how he thinks or acts he tends to get rlly mad. He wants to be challenged as long as it’s fun, if he’s uncomfortable or feeling like he might actually adopt a new perspective or change as a person he puts a stop to it. At the end of the day he needs that teacher and student or master and subordinate dynamic to stay in tact. He likes to be challenged but he doesn’t like to be weakened or caught off guard in anyway that makes him question his authority or his strength.

When it comes to Marius helping Armand rediscover his culture, yas! This actually is a good transition bcus this is also a good example of what I’m talking about when it comes to the being challenged thing. Marius is happy and eager to help Armand heal from the demons of his past by rediscovering the family and culture hes forgotten, so long as Armand is obedient and answering to his call at the end of the day. Marius is happy to be left on the sidelines, up until armand starts disregarding his authority and moving away from him on his own path. After coming home from Kiev Armand realizes that he doesn’t gain anything from learning from Marius and he would rather learn on his own by discovering himself and processing what this new culture means to him. And Marius let’s him have this, until he realizes that he’s loosing his control over Amadeo and he is not going to come back to him without a push, and he beats the absolute shit out of him 😭 again, challenged to an extent.

Second: when marius first buys Armand he explains in blood and gold that part of why he chose Armand was bcus he wanted a vampire companion in Bianca, but he felt too guilty to turn Bianca bcus she was a bright young woman with a future ahead of her, so he chose Armand to be his future vampire companion instead bcus Armand was broken enough to not have a chance of a future anyway (therefore turning him is guilt free). Then, marius learns very quickly that Armand could easily have a future just as bright as Bianca, once he’s under his care he starts to prosper, and he realizes that turning him into a vampire would be equally as cruel as turning Bianca. So his motive changes, and he decides that his desire to turn Armand is wrong and he should instead give him the chance to live a full human life just like any of the other boys. Marius wants this bcus he knows that it’s the right thing to do, to give up the person he loves for their own good. But it’s also, deep down, not what he wants at all, bcus it agonizes him to think of a future where he doesn’t have Amadeo. So this creates this self contradictory mess, where Marius is aiming both at the same time to turn Armand into a vampire and also to let him live a human life. He starts doing contradictory things, like feeding Armand his blood and exposing him to vampirism + getting him hooked on it, and then sending him out to “experience humanity” bcus that’s what Marius wants for him.

It caused Armand to be driven absolutely insane, bcus he’s being communicated two different things about what Marius wants for his future. I think Marius’s conflicting desire causes part of Armand’s desperate begging for him to turn him. Armand is so fed up with this mind melding conflict he just wants Marius to rip the band aid off and do it 😭 cuz they both know it’s what they both want. And Marius knows that this is the terrible abusive option, and he can’t get Armand to see this bcus Armand is too far deep in his love brain.

So my answer is, Marius wants Armand to grow up bcus he knows that’s what’s best for him, but he continues to hold out on the possibility of vampirism and refuses to cut ties with Armand bcus he rlly does want to turn him against his better judgement, which in my opinion reads as a desire to keep him young, under his control, in that limbo stage where he doesn’t need to make a decision. Partly bcus if Armand is young and compliant and his body isn’t changing the clock isn’t ticking and Marius doesn’t have to confront that his choices r either loose Amadeo or ruin him.

when it comes to the “shaving Armand was part of a vampire ritual” personally I don’t remember that? It’s not that I don’t believe u, that could totally be accurate and it definitely sounds like smth that would be canon, but I’m struggling to remember if I read that and forgot. I’ve always perceived the Marius shaves Armand cuz he wants to preserve his youth thing as accurate bcus it’s interesting and makes sense for the characters and I don’t remember anything that contradicts it lol, I also don’t remember any other character being shaved pre turning as a ritual besides Armand so I didn’t consider if it was a vampire thing. but u could be right and if so oops I’m sorry for spreading misinfo 😭 but either way that’s still gonna be my headcanon and my interpretation is much the same lol

I hope u have a great day anon and find this interesting ❤️ thank u for the ask!

[asclexe]

haii….intro post…..about me……

click (this is a reminder more for me because i’ll see it easiest this way, feel free to click) / i do not answer donation asks and i cannot donate

haiiii :3 i go bye cameron which is very nicknameable so have fun with that. also call me whatever 🔥🔥

i am a boy-adjacent i think and i ONLY use he/him pronouns!!!!!! please and thank you!

aromantic aplatonic lesbian faggot thing. i think girls r pretty. women are soo awesome 😍

minor!!!!!!!!! im ageless online 4 my safety so B cool im literally 5 years old :3

my star sign is leo (august is the worst month ever.), personality type intj, im an atheist, white boy, and im left-handed to name a few. i might be neurodivergent but we don’t know

american :/ + a mixed pot of european as most american white people are (based in EST)

currently matching with the awesome @magicmarkerz give it up for the coolest boygirl ever. our backgrounds are like owen and maddy from isttvg. awesome.

interest wise, im pathetically multifandom and im really interested in doctor who atm but but i also enjoy house md, yellowjackets, moral orel, warrior cats (on arc 5 and no intention of reading more), dungeon meshi, six feet under, fnaf, thg, a series of unfortunate events, doogie howser md, i saw the tv glow, good omens (FUCK neil gaiman. 😐), and soso many many more.. (i watch a lot of shows and have soo many more to watch. lol)

currently watchinf!! : doctor who (capaldi era, s8), the good place (s3), broadchurch (s2), and hannibal (s1)

i run @ask-the-ducklings and @ppth-obgyn-dept-head-real for my house md oc and i’m 1/2 of @meanwhile-on-the-road :3

i use #asclexeposting for all original posts + more

trying to figure out my ao3 situation but im on pinterest and discord under assclexe if you wanna hmu (B cool) and roblox as asclexe and my airbuds

so yeah below the cut are just like. boundaries whatever lame. but feel free to follow me, ill likely follow back and we’ll be bestest friends forever ^_^

ughh sum things you should know be4 you follow or follow/unfollow or moot/unmoot me/boundaries

i am a very morbid (i think abt death literally all the time. lol), negative, cynical person and i always have been and i will not absorb those positive vibes. im a hater. im also opinionated like everyone else and im obviously going to have bad takes. B nice. sometimes the fun and joyous whimsy comes out. i can and will be really nice i promise just sometimes im mean

i use a lot of profanity and i say the ONE. one slur i can reclaim.

i will not go to therapy or get help. i’ve been in therapy and it does not help me and i do not like it. i do not want help. i’m fine. please do not tell me “go to therapy u need it” because i do not need it

i say “im going to kill myself” a lot and these are all fruitless, meaningless statements. i am not committing suicide yet, and when i do, you’ll have long forgotten me. hopefully.

pls tell me via ask box! (or dm if i follow you) if i say something offensive or wrong or are overcrossing your boundaries, im sorry, im bound to make mistakes or misjudge a post.

i do not tag my reblogs with the media or characters, only little comments. i also do not spoiler tag my posts. i try to trigger tag things when i can but if you want something trigger tagged specifically pls lmk!!

i do not have a dni, because the block button (which i use pretty often ill be honest) is easier, so instead i’d say go away!!!!! bigots (because you suck) and zionists (because i’m pro-palestine) and pedos/zoos (because you’re #gross) and nsfw/mdni/kink blogs and most people over 21 (unless im comfortable with it) (because i’m a minor) .

:3

[just-orbiting-you]

I find it interesting how frequently JK says something to/about jimin that could be used against jimin by antis and then jkkrs scramble to explain and try to find a different meaning to what he said. Why does everything he says need a lengthy explanation to clarify he didn't mean this or that? As soon as i saw the trailer i knew antis were going to latch on to the " i miss the members" part and Jimin saying he's a member too. And this is the beginning, Jk is going to say a lot more vague things on the show that could be used against jm. It's a pattern and I'm prepared lol. Reminds me of when he said he wanted to go to special forces in that live and jkkrs had to search up every military department to find minor differences bw his and tae's. I'm not a jkkr but I admit i enjoy watching their interactions, until JK says something like that and the haters are given new material to harass jm then I'm like yeah I can't be on board with this ship. I'm fully expecting a lot more when the episodes are released.

I personally believe you have the target on the wrong back. last week my blog was full of a discussion on whether the members act in ways to get fan attention. posting publicly to social media i think could be open for more debate but largely, i think bts have a solid few of army that isn't broken down into quadrants like fans view it (ot7s vs. solos. vs. shippers, etc.). it is hard to make a conclusive decision, since we don't know them personally, but.

i really don't think jungkook is conniving enough to plan out ways in which he can draw jimin antis out on twitter. i don't believe jungkook trying to plot the downfall of jimin. in my view, jungkook has demonstrated that him and jimin are very close and care for each other very deeply. i don't see him as someone would do such a thing.

point blank. it is the stans. not jungkook.

with all due respect, in this ask you are following the agenda pushed forward by these solos, looking for anyway to make jungkook the enemy. in the name of protecting jimin from these antis, you are doing the same to jungkook.

of course, there are stans that say things that are a lot worse. but throwing the blame on jungkook here, saying he starts the hate is just incorrect.

realistically, a comment about how he misses the members, wishing they could be here to experience this with jikook, (which EVERY SINGLE MEMBER has said in behind the scenes from solo era by the way) should not cause this much of a stir. but tkkrs will find a way to say jungkook wasn't happy while shooting this show, he was forced to do this, and he's not happy with jimin ever. do you see how the stans are projecting this narrative??

i think stan twitter and stan spaces in general have a way of poisoning the fan experience. realistically we should all just be happy that we got this show and that jikook worked hard in preparation for its release. but instead minds get plagued by how jikook's actions will have stan repercussions.

there needs to be a reframing of shipping at large, because i think it does more harm than good as we can see from your ask and anti behavior. i've largely disengaged with trying to prove ships are real and just began to appreciate jikook as a duo. and that's enough for me. yeah i'll make gay jokes and ponder it sometimes, but it isn't worth the inevitable disappointment when you realize they probably can never tell us about their relationship.

Why does everything he says need a lengthy explanation to clarify he didn't mean this or that?

you're calling direct attention to the problems that arise when you focus on the details to try and find the truth. again, i engage with this myself sometimes, i've done it on this blog. but do it enough with the wrong motivations and you drive yourself crazy. that is the space in which stans operate in.

while it's brought up, if anyone has the clip or the timestamp where jungkook said he wanted to go to special forces please let me know. because i looked it up recently and could only find an tkkr edited video where it doesn't even look like jungkook said a word.

i personally believe there's a lot more in jikook that can't be twisted in a way that doesn't look ridiculous than stuff that can be used against them in a tkkr sense. i hope you're able to find enjoyment in the show beyond the stan narratives, because i really think it will be such a comforting show to watch.

[itjazzbicch]

All of You

Pairing: Tomas "Smoke" Vrbada x Fem Reader 

Summary: Since the reader and Tomas are very close and clearly feel a certain way about one another, the reader is easily angered by the way Bi Han treats Tomas, showing how she cares and giving each other all of themselves to offer...

Warnings:  SMUT! (18+ ONLY! MINORS & AGELESS BLOGS DNI! YOU WILL BE BLOCKED!) Bi Han being an asshole (LOL) slight swearing, unprotected sex (wrap it before ya tap it!) bath sex, praise, body worship

Word Count: 1.4k 

"My goodness," Tomas smiled in a shoulder-to-shoulder tie-up with me as we were sparring, "You have been improving greatly."

"Thank you," I smirked, reminding him, "But don't get distracted now."

Sweeping him off his feet, I was ready to show him something new I learned about my power, but we both looked as we heard Bi Han's voice.

"Grandmaster," Quickly fixing my stance, I bowed to him; Tomas jumped to his feet to greet him:

"Brother."

The look in Bi Han's eyes alone signaled me to leave, which I did, but as I went, turning a corner, what I heard made me stop.

"What did I tell you about meddling with that girl, Tomas?"

"She is powerful, Bi Han," Tomas explained, praising me, "She will be able to accomplish great things in the Lin Kuei with more training."

Tomas's praises put happiness in my heart, but Bi Han's filled it with solid anger:

"Even if that's true, she can do so alone. We have duties."

"I'm only trying to help her, brother- "Tomas continued to show how he felt for me, only to be put down:

"I don't care! What father saw in you? I have no idea. I've never seen you as a brother, so remember your place."

The silence I heard after left me shaking, wanting to confront Bi Han myself, but I waited too long as Bi Han spat:

"There's a situation that requires our assistance. We're leaving. Now."

Looking around the corner, Tomas's head was hung low, following Bi Han and leaving. Bi Han wasn't acting like the grandmaster I thought him to be, and after hearing what he told Tomas, my blood was boiling. I needed to release it somehow.

So, I continued training, releasing the anger through my fists into a punching bag. It was already nightfall by the time I felt it was time to stop. Heading to my room and unraveling the tape that protected my hands, I heard by the door:

"You just now finished training for the day?"

"A few minutes ago, yes," I told Tomas, wiping away the sweat on my brows, hitched breath proving my words true to him.

"Resting is vital to gaining strength too, you know?" He only showed that he cared, but Bi Han's words circled their way back into my mind, reminding me why I had been in the dojo for so long; he realized the emotional shift in my eyes, "Is something bothering you."

"I understand that Bi Han is the oldest and that he's grandmaster," I whispered, looking deep into his eyes as I asked, "But what he said to you earlier? You deal with that?"

His head hung low again with a deep sigh, mumbling, "It's hard, but he's- "

"Whether it's because he's older or grandmaster, that's still no excuse," My intense gaze made his eye fix on me, the brief silence between us making me apologize, "It's none of my business. I'm sorry that I brought it up."

"It's okay," He assured, taking my hand softly, "I appreciate your concern."

"You're such a kind soul, Tomas," Squeezing his hand, I wanted to show my pure intentions, explaining how I felt, "I couldn't help but feel anger when I heard him talking to you that way."

"I'm the kind soul?" He smirked, truly appreciative, making me giggle, "He can yell at me all he wants for 'meddling' with you."

"That did interrupt our sparring. I almost had you," I laughed with him, butterflies forming deep in my stomach as he pulled me closer, smiling:

"You do have me, Y/N."

I was lost in his gorgeous eyes, bliss nearly levitating me as our lips met; at first, a soft press poured in passion and pleasure, making us crave more as our lips began to dance.

Holding his face and quickly becoming impatient, a singular thought in mind tempted me into leading him into my room, lips still dancing, having to stop to laugh and hide my face as he wiped some sweat away from his hair:

"I'm so sorry. Gosh, that's embarrassing."

"It's not embarrassing," He laughed along, sitting me down on the bed and answering my curiosity, "You've been working so hard today. Should I run you a bath?"

"Join me too?" It was apparent how he felt, so I decided to take a leap; my cheeks filled with heat when he took my hand, leading me to the bathroom.

We didn't need words, only smiles as our lips magnetized back together, leaning to fix the bathtub and run hot water.

Once clothes started to disappear, I was so fixed on his physique that I was almost in another world, not realizing he was climbing in and relaxing back into the tub:

"Not going to leave me all alone, are you?"

"No, of course not," I stuttered out of my puzzled state, tossing the rest of my clothes, dipping a toe into the water, and showing my all to him.

"Gosh, you are so beautiful," He whispered, admiring me from head to toe, the water rising as I sank to join him.

"And you're a piece of art," I cooed, humming at the hot water, hands finally getting to feel his body like I fantasized so many times, sitting across his lap as he began to do the same, lips discovering my neck and chest, whispering:

"I can't wait to worship all of you."

His lips grazing down my breasts had soft moans forming, his hand running through his hair with his mouth closing around my nipple, sucking softly, and the pleasure made me naturally grind against him, feeling his stiff cock.

He felt so impressive that I had to touch, slowly stroking my hand up and down, subconsciously going faster as I loved what I was feeling, eyes fixing on him as his slight groan shook me.

"Want to go all the way?" Seeking confirmation, I fixed my legs, wrapping my arms around his head and giving him that confirmation:

"Please."

One of his hands rested on my ass, the other dipping between us, lining his cock with my entrance, then easing me down carefully, moaning his name into his ear.

"I'll be gentle," He cooed, creating tiny ripples of waves as he thrusted his hips, soft and slow, "We can take our time."

"No one makes me feel as good as you do," I cooed back, lost in a realm of pleasure, slowly rolling my hips to meet his, continuing to moan at how much deeper his cock inched into my walls, but still smiling into his ear, "Have I ever told you that?"

"That's the first time," He smiled, holding my hips to his, slow but powerful in his thrusts, as deep as possible, earning every ounce of emotion and bliss I expressed with noise and body language, "Have I ever told you that you do the same to me?"

Slouching chest deep into the water, the shift let his cock slide in more profoundly, hitting sensitive points that brought me new feelings, my nerves jolting, moans growing to a higher pitch so much that I buried my face into the burrow of his shoulder, arms wrapped around his head tighter.

"You feel so good inside," Hugging and squeezing me, neither of us could fight our feelings, calm water turning into waves with his hips moving faster, moaning softly at my spasming walls, "Gosh, it's so good."

"Mhm!" I whined with closed lips, inching closer to my orgasm, afraid of how loud I was becoming, but he took all my worries away, holding my chin:

"Don't fight your feelings, sweetheart. It's only nature."

"I know," I breathed in deep, whining, "I just don't want to get us in trouble if I'm too loud."

"I'm loving my woman," Staring deep into my eyes, it was like all the pleasure grew more potent, serious, and working to get me off the edge, "I'll gladly deal with the lecture."

"Damn!" Setting my moans free, his tip brushing past my sweet spot and instantly making me crumble, shaking in his hands as he took two handfuls of my ass, squeezing and groaning at how my orgasm engulfed both of us, squeezing the hell out of him, "Tomas-"

Still having some left in him, we settled back into the water, hips rocking leisurely downward, the brightest smile that I'd seen from him all over his face as I looked up at him:

"I'm never going to be able to keep my hands off you now."

"I'm not complaining," I smiled back, kissing his chest and against his cheek, "You can have all of me whenever you want." 

2023 © itjazzbicch — do not repost or translate my work. Likes, reblogs, and comments are always welcome

[ask-a-rare-person]

My xeno gender + Neo pronoun manifesto

Ok so, a lot of people(understandably) don’t really get neos/xenos. It’s super complicated, different for everyone, and there’s not a lot of us around anyways. It feels like most people’s (including mine) first exposure to the community is usually phramed in a “woah look at how wirrd this is!” Type setting that doesn’t explore why we do what we do. Also this is an ask based blog, questions are extremely welcome!

I first should define what xeno genders and Neo pronouns even are.

Xeno genders: genders that fall outside of how we traditionally think of gender. It’s a way of thinking that rejects femininity and masculinity in its traditional forms, and is often neglected all together.

Neo pronouns: pronouns that are not she, he, or they. It pronouns are kinda on the cusp simply because they are not typically affirm in to most people and are therefore unconventional in their own right.

I got involved in xenogenders after i accepted myself as trans. It took me a long time, and a lot of that was due to my very self-distructive veiw of lables.

See, the last time I’d had to do lable searching was when I was 12 years old and trying to figure out if I was lesbain, bi, pan, etc.

I had an extremely restrictive veiw of sexuality labels, and I agonized if I was really attracted to boys or not. Same with nonbinary people. I, being 12 and stupid, thoight that bi and pan were extremely districtive lables and that if I was attracted to NBs I couldn’t be bi. Not to mention, I thought that nonbinary even had a “look” in the first place.

Somehow, i concluded I was bi. And I still use that label to this day. Even though I’m attracted to NBs. lol. But it wasn’t easy to get to that point. I had daily meltdowns where I destroyed my room and would then do the humiliating work of picking everything up while sniffling. It wasn’t healthy.

But I was 16 at the point I was finally ready to question my gender. I felt myself slipping into old habits almsot immediately. But I thankfully had the self awarness at this point to stop and think clearly about what I was doing.

With someone who has enough negitive momentum surrounding lable searching like I do, I can’t exactly expect all of this to go painlessly. But I also don’t have to activly make it worse for myself. I realzied that I believed I needed to find my “lable soulmate” and that I should not allow myself to rest until I find the one true lable.

So instead I decided to passivly watch my gender as neutirally as I possibly could. Without trying to name it anything, just watching.

I learned that I felt very masculine at that point, but alos that I noticed fluidity in both my gender and gender presentation. But what suprized(and scared) me was how it was fluid. It coincided with the barometric pressure. I didn’t want to believe it. I knew what it would mean for me if it was true. I knew I’d be lonly, misunderstood, and might never find a word to describe how I feel. So I kept watching my gender “move.” Sometiems I wouldn’t even notice the pressure would change, just that my gender did. And my dad(has seasonal depression) would casually comment on the shift. Fuck.

I should probably mention now that I have quite a few conditions that are affected by the pressure too. And my others are of course impacted by my other disorders acting up so…I’m no stranger to feeling majorly off kilter when it rains or something. It also made sense how I never noticed my fluidity, I was always caught up with my symptoms. And dysphoria, I mean, it just felt like a miscellaneous symptom that could be from anything.

I’d been admiring xenogenders from afar for a couple years at that point…and I decided to take a look. I mean, my gender is already weird , right? It might as well be weird in a good way. On my terms. In any case, I felt so disconnected from the trans community at large due to my disabilities and odd gender and felt much more at home with the xeno gender ppl I saw online. That’s typical for me. I never really got along with normal people, and I’m ok with taht. Mostly.

I flourished. For the first time, lable searching wasn’t toruture. I was crying. I was throwing things. I wasn’t hating myself. For the first time I felt JOY doing this. It became a fun pass time looking at different flags, noticing the Latin roots tin lable names(I love Latin), it was like window shopping but I could have everything I wanted. There is no limit. No consept of “soul labels,” in fact its commen hoard even hundreds of genders.

I felt true freedom in my identity for the first time. I got to have whatever happened to speak to me in that moment and it hardly even felt like the choise. Or at least enough of a choice to trigger my terrible decision paralysis. It was truly amazing to experience. No lable had all the power in my identity, in fact power wasn’t even the point. Just words that feel good. Flags too, they were the biggest deciding factor. Suddenly it felt like my dyslexia was accommodated in a conversation I had never realized it wasn’t.

Suddenly I veiwed genders not as attempting to articulate consepts in ways I’d never otherwise articulate them, and were put into MY language. Metaphor. Colors. Tastes. Feelings. Memories. Ideals. All the abstract goings ons in my mind no longer needed to be translated. They could simply just “be.”

Metaphor is probably my favorite aspect of xenogenders. It’s how I best express myself. Ever sense I was 3 I had to explain medically impossible symptoms to docters who had no idea what I was talking about. So i used metaphor. Over and over and over. And now, I can’t imagine not using metaphor. About anything. I struggle not to use them. And now I had a place to use them.

The genders I chose to hoard can be found here but they mostly boil down to:

Sun + light themed

Fairy + pagen + nature themed

The endless combinations of boy, girl, and nonbinary that may incidentally fit me due to my fluidity

For reason #1, this is segnifigant because both my birth first and middle name are light/sun related and I always strongly identified with them before I stopped repressing my dysphoria.

Also, the sun is often used as a symbol of divine masculine. I really like that because it is masculinity without the consepts of physical bodies or my current gender identity getting in the way. It’s just…masculine. In complete, beautiful isolation.

I would also like to say that, after coming out as transgender to my fellow spirtual cirlce, a commen response is that we are all beings of light. And, to be honest, when someoen asks my gender I wish I could just say “I am a being of light.”

For reason #2, it is of course related to my faith as well. Turns out, when you tell a bunch of tree hugging hippies that your gender changes based on one of the Earth cycles, they will treat you as if you were graced with a rare gift. I have also been told that it brings me closer to the faries and nature. I mean thsi genuinely when i say that the spiritual ppl in my neck of the woods are more accepting than the LGBTQ community. No discorce, no need to justify anything, etc. just love, man.

And, well, I think reaosn #3 is pretty self explanatory. My fluidity is much less of a light swtich between “boy” and “girl” but more like a constantly changing gender blob that lazily makes its way across multiple gender territories at a time to various extremes.

Now on to the Neo pronouns!

So I use one set of Neo pronouns, jusr fae/faer. I won’t reiterate my connection to fae, but I do have another reason I connect with fae/faer.

It was actually the reason I started using them in the first place. See, when I was in fourth grade, I discovered the wonderful world of gay ships. As in, male x male. Me, convinced I was just a girl, had no idea why I was drawn to them. But I was completely obsessed. It turns out that attraction hits the same as hyperfixation. So I jsut assumed it was hyperfixaiton, not a budding attraction to men that was inherently queer. As well as a strong connection to the effeminate, shy, characters that were always swept off their feet by strong masculine ones.

My intrest in twinks and effeminate men was always sort of curious to me. Because I had no…intentions? I was drawn to them but not because I wanted to kiss them or date them or anything like that. When I was finally exploring my gender I realized that I wanted to BE them. I saw my pre hrt self in those fem guys and I was floored by how sought after they were by the other male love interest. Their gender nonconformity was not seen as weird but as an inherent plus. And their awkwardness was seen as cute, not weird either. Yes, I was the wierd kid. Moving on.

So, anyways. I found that I was drawn to fae/faer because I felt that it honored my gender’s inharent connection to being a queer man without necessarily needing my current gender to line up with it. Because, at the end of the day, gay romance shaped my gender development in a huge way. And that influence on my life won’t vanish the second I stop being a boy.

Before I go, I want to dispel a commen misconception. People often assume that we demand others use our Neopronouns. And I want to come out and say we don’t. Because you know what? Most of us are mentally disabled. And if there is anyone who understands just who difficult learning a new skill is, it’s us. We don’t expect others to use them at all. And any small effort is seen as a miricle to us. So please, if you feel like being extra nice, go for it! But you don’t have to. 99% of us will have at least one set of conventional pronouns you can use instead.

Hope this cleared some things up! And as I said questions are incouraged!

[pleaseeeimjustagirl]

♡Dear Diary♡

Heyyy girliesss I hope this past week was amazing for you and you accomplished alot of things this week has been so much fun for meeee<3333

♡Education♡

I started summer classes and joined accountanting immediately dropped it lol I just wanted something fun and easy for the summer semester because I need extra credits but when I saw the homework and all the work I was like yeahhhh no lol. The professor seemed a bit mean too. I dropped it quickly and chose marketing but the issue now is because I joined the class last minute the professor put in a withdrawal form because I had not attended previous classes so now I need to email the professor and get it withdrawn if I can take eight credits during the winter semester I would love to instead of taking any classes this summer semester.

♡Mental♡

I’ve been in a much better mindset I am so happyyy this summer has been so fun so far and I’ve just been going with the flow and doing things that make me uncomfortable that are for my betterment. My friend and I have been swiping things off of our bucket list and I'm excited forrr the rest of this summer<33333.

♡Physical♡

I posted my blog post on “improving your relationship with food and movement.” I’ve been working on my relationship with food and movement and on this journey, it is hard at times and that's okay. I have days when I want to go back into bad habits but this week I’ve been able to push myself from doing so. I was able to go out this past week and order foods I like and not force myself to eat a salad(I love salads but you get what I mean). I enjoyed my meals and practiced moderation while outside. I've created meal plans for me to follow they have helped me get my protein higher. My body is transforming I recently took a video and was shocked by the changes in my body since march I love it and can't wait to see it by the end of the year<333.

♡Hobbies♡

I filmed my YouTube video this week and It was so much funnnn<3333 but I have to refilm the video Monday because I missed a few important points in the video. I am trying to get the video posted this week or next week for you girliesss<3333 I’ve been outside this past week I tried a few new restaurants and food and loved everythinggg. 

Have an amazing week my lovessss and continue to affirm yourself, push yourself, and enjoy yourself you are right where you need to be in life right now and you should enjoy every bit of It love youuu girliesss<33333