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peachy-artist · 4 years ago

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Time for me to write an essay on Mallek and MSPA Reader’s relationship. Hiveswap Friendsim spoilers down below!

So, actually, I’m not done talking about this yet and I need a distraction from all this stress life is forcing me into, so let’s talk about this some more! Let’s do a full-on analysis of Mallek’s and MSPA Reader’s relationship!!!

(these tags are from this post by the way; please give the artist some love for good art and making me think on this)

I’m going to try to go through this chronologically, but it’s Homestuck and you know how that goes.

When MSPA Reader first meets Mallek, he literally takes their breath away. Of course, the joke is made that the MSPA Reader can’t catch it now because they drove away and their breath is miles away by now. But, take the joke away and MSPA Reader is looking at Mallek, unable to breathe. This could be for two reasons: they’re fearing for their life as they have been kidnapped by a blue-blooded troll (understandable) or they immediately got attracted to Mallek (also understandable). I’ll be honest, I think the former is more likely as MSPA Reader actually mistakes Mallek as an indigo blood at first, but let’s just put all clues on the table, just in case.

But wait!! MSPA Reader spends quite some time talking about Mallek’s appearance right after. There’s not much of a need to do this. Right after stating that Mallek’s “straight chillin’”, they could have shown Mallek’s image to show what he looks like. Describing it in text means that the MSPA Reader themself is thinking about it. So maybe it’s not so unlikely that MSPA Reader is immediately attracted to Mallek after all.

Let’s get the counter-argument out of the way. Mallek could be checking you out because he thinks your a robot and MSPA Reader is brainwashed into friendship and will befriend anything that moves. But consider...MSPA Reader could be mistaking their attraction for friendship because Doc Scratch messed with their head. Who’s to say that MSPA Reader wouldn’t recognize their attraction for something more if they had a clear head?

Let’s consider this textbox. Mallek comes in the 11th volume. MSPA reader has spent some good time in Alternia and should know by now that nobody blends in. By this time, they met Chahut. They met Azdaja. They met Zebruh (oh gosh, Zebruh...). They met Kuprum and Folykl. In a world where everybody stands out, everyone blends in. So why would MSPA Reader have noticed someone like Mallek. One word. Attraction.

Okay, I do actually think MSPA Reader is leaning in because they think Mallek thinks they’re a terrific friend and they finally found someone who understands. But, I think that actually helped boost up MSPA Reader’s romantic attraction to him! Once they started thinking “*gasp* maybe?”, it’s hard to let that connection go, even after being shot down.

We’re not discussing much on Mallek’s part right now because his main attraction to MSPA Reader at this point is thinking that they’re a robot. But, like I said, we’re putting all clues on the table.

All right, now we got the two different long endings. I’m gonna go with the bad one first, where MSPA Reader lies and says they’re a high-tech robot.

HAHAHA, MY HEART STOPPED AT THIS PART. Okay, but for real. There is NO reason for a flirty smile if you’re just interested in cracking a robot. And it could be that the MSPA Reader is misinterpreting it. But then the questions stands as to why they see it as flirty. Is it because they themself are attracted to him? Le gasp!

Even the MSPA Reader feels that Mallek was hitting on them. And note that they didn’t do their usual “I just want friendship, bud!” Instead, they’re bewildered and confused and in love.

Do I need to explain this one? I don’t think I do.

Nice choice of words, Mallek. Thank you for proving my point further.

More focus on his appearance that would only be necessary if MSPA Reader is attracted to him HMMMMMM...

Okay, bad ending done and clues have been put on table. Now to turn the magnifying glass to the good ending, where MSPA Reader confesses that they are not a robot.

Okay, I know the MSPA Reader has this super power to make even the most inhibited people open up, but this here is a clue and on the table it goes! Mallek takes MSPA Reader to his special place after just meeting? HMMMMM...

Yeah, Mallek could have easily went, “Well, you’re not a robot. Bye!” There was no reason for him to keep hanging with MSPA Reader. Unless, of course, he’s attracted to them now. And now that he knows that they’re not a robot, it’s safe to assume it’s romantic attraction than just interest!

More focus on appearance!

MSPA admits to trying to be flirty! This is big, seeing as before, they avoided flirting like the plague. They just want friendship! But they sure seem comfortable with Mallek 👀

Some more focus on appearance! Also, MSPA Reader is touched that Mallek came to save them.

It’s a crime for me to post this text box without Mallek himself. Anyway, MSPA Reader almost drowned and instead of being like, “Man, trolls sure are violent”, they are enamored with Mallek being shirtless and his piercings.

And here’s the great slip of the tongue. Coolboy Mallek who so flawlessly hit on MSPA Reader in the bad ending fumbled and confessed that they think MSPA Reader is cute. He’s so embarrassed that he flushes, instead of just trying to play it off as no big deal. He’s vulnerable now and is confessing that, yes, the MSPA Reader is cute and he is attracted to them!

He’s stuttering now and trying to change the subject, trying to distract MSPA Reader so they don’t realize he basically just confessed his attraction to them. Also, this leads up to him with a very big moment...

Mallek’s sign!! Mallek gives MSPA Reader one of his hoodie’s with his sign on it. The infamous hoodie that MSPA Reader wears for the rest of this game and Pesterquest. Signs are a big deal for trolls. In Hiveswap Act I, Xefros tells Joey that even using the same typing quirk as another troll is reserved for special relationships. In Galekh’s route, he looks to the matching hoodies in shock because wearing the same sign is a big deal.

Mallek should know this. He’s lived in Alternia his whole life. He knows sharing a sign is a big deal. MSPA Reader also has been in Alternia for a while by now and likely realizes that sharing a sign = a big deal. So Mallek suggesting MSPA Reader wear his sign and MSPA Reader stating that they “can’t think of anything [they’d] like more”? They’re basically matesprits at this point, let’s be real.

Okay, I am no where near done talking about this. I still wanna analyze their relationship in Galekh’s route and maybe Pesterquest too, but this is long enough as is. So, assuming I don’t lose steam, gonna end it here and keep the rest for a part two!

#hiveswap #hiveswap friendsim #mallek adalov #mspa reader #homestuck #mallek x mspa reader #analysis #long post

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luminousbravery · 4 years ago

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Adri's Masterlist 3.0!!!

Previous Masterlists

ALPHA AND BETA SETS

Davebot relationship headcanons

Dirk kissing headcanons

John and Dave's S/O comes out as FTM

Jake with a S/O who's dying their hair

Dirk witnesses his S/O die in front of him...

Rose sleepover headcanons

Jake with his first crush

Dirk with a confused nonbinary S/O

Dirk and Roxy with a friend who come out ad NB lesbian

Roxy with a scene kid S/O

Lalondes with a witch S/O

Roxy with a S/O who's an ex-villain

Dave realises his S/O is his favorite youtuber

Dirk and Rose help a friend over heartbreak

Dave and his S/O as parents

Dave didn't confess to his S/O...

Jane and Roxy double dates with their S/O’s

Roxy friendship headcanons

TROLL SETS

Damara with a Fuchsia blood S/O

Eridan with a mutant blood S/O

Cronus with a Jadeblood S/O

Aradia with a S/O who collects gems and fossils

Terezi with a S/O who likes horror, but can't sleep because of it.

Cronus and Dualscar with a S/O who has anxiety

Signless relationship headcanons

Equius with a rainbow-drinker matesprit

Nepeta with a S/O who likes the woods

Aradia + a date in the city

Cronus gets betrayed by his S/O

Tavros' S/O wants to touch his horns

Amporas find their S/O having a panic attack

Feferi relationship headcanons

Amporas with a sunshine S/O who can be scary

Karkat and Terezi with a mutantblood S/O

Feferi with a S/O who likes to watch anime and cuddle

Sollux hangout headcanons

Sleepover with Eridan

Leijons lose their moirail

Sollux with a S/O who's better at games than him

Kankri with a S/O who likes horror, but gets scared

Eridan witnesses his Matesprit's death

Eridan with a tired/overworked S/O

Tavros, Karkat, and Eridan helping their S/O with body positivity

Gamzee with a S/O who shows him Star Wars

Nepeta with a S/O who struggles from anxiety

Eridan with a S/O who needs help healing from mind control

Gamzee with a moirail who loves drawing

Eridan's S/O comes out as FTM

Eridan sees his S/O as a sprite...

Damara relationship headcanons

Amporas with a S/O that practices witchcraft

Vriska who's protective of her sensitive S/O

Nepeta with a S/O that likes to hold her

Equius with a S/O that wants to train with him

Aradia with a ghost matesprit

Equius with a violetblood matesprit

Karkat with a S/O who broke him out of Area 51

Eridan with a moirail who needs help transitioning

Kanaya with a Moirail that struggles from PTSD

Karkat and Sollux with a human S/O

Equius with a sensitive S/O who clings to him while scared

Amporas with a Majorette S/O

Nepeta with a S/O that likes scenecore

Feferi with a moirail who saved her

Aradia x Nepeta x S/O x Feferi movie dates

Kankri with an evil S/O

Cronus teaches his S/O guitar

Zahhak with a tiny/weak S/O

Equius date headcanons

Zahhaks with a jadeblood S/O

Cronus with a Surfer S/O

Nepeta's violetblood S/O saves her from drowning

Eridan with a Scene S/O

Cronus with a Lovecore S/O

HIVESWAP SETS

Galekh with a wreckless oliveblood

Tagora's S/O takes him to a spa day

Tegiri's S/O shows him human anime

What Galekh wants in a moirail

Tagora, Tegiri, and Zebruh with a jadeblood S/O

Marvus with a moirail who panics a lot

Karako moirail headcanons

Mallek with a S/O who's a night owl

Chahut with a human moirail, but you two don't know a thing about eachother's species

Kuprum and Folykl with an easily flustered human S/O

OTHER SETS

Reader who's an Auspitice to Dismas and Murrit (Vast Error)

Dismas relationship headcanons (Vast Error)

Ellsee with a friend who can't dance (Vast Error)

Arcjec, Ellsee, and Murrit with an affectionate S/O (Vast Error)

Dismas, Taz, and Murrit who are protectove of their S/O (Vast Error)

Fefetasprite relationship headcanons

Mayor relationship headcanons

Dismas with a lanky S/O (Vast Error)

Dismas with a S/O who likes to say "You know you love me" (Vast Error)

Fefeta's S/O stops her explosion

Erisol relationship headcanons

Erisol cuddle headcanons

Dismas, Laivan, and Murrit help their S/O with a panic attack (Vast Error)

Dismas cat headcanons (Vast Error)

Calliope date headcanons

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snowtimeisbesttime · 4 years ago

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Thoughts and questions on Hiveswap Act 2– Part 1.

**DISCLAIMER** I haven't played through the entire game yet! I got to the intermission in the whole trial thingy, and will continue tomorrow! Therefore, I Am Not Looking at anything yet, only posting. I'll probably come back and edit this once I've actually finished the game.

-Did the default names for Xefros & Dammek's lusii change?? I loaded my Act 1 save, and I'm sure they had their default names (Zoosmell and Cornibuster) there, though I'm also pretty sure i accidentally unlocked the “name the lusii” achievement on that save by clicking on the text windows without actually changing their names so... Dammek's lusus is called Toothy now i guess?

-On that note, if Xefros' lusus died I'm going to fucking scream. Even though I'm pretty sure we've barely seen him on screen since like the end of Act 1 but Regardless.

-We see Charun's cave, and it turns out they were neighbours with Zebede all this time, but they're nowhere to be seen at the train?? unless they grabbed an earlier one... Charun did get a death flag the size of the pacific ocean, when interacting with their weird sculpture with a lot of legs and arms surrounding a mouth, but Zebede's just gone without a trace? The bees are gone and there's a hole in the side of his hive, but his lusus doesn't seem to be particularly upset? And neither is Charun's, assuming that huge bug near the cave is their lusus. (Idarat the canon fantroll #3 doesn't appear at the train either, but that's probably for the same reason there aren't any jade or teal background characters: to keep the court scene neat)

-The drones are supposed to be en route to the station, supposedly to fix the ticket machines but probably to cull whoever tripped the alarm on them... i sure hope they don't follow the train or anything orz

-Mostly everyone seems to resemble their respective Friendsims, more or less:

Fozzer appears to be scratched still, yet more philosophical. Also he's not in the train either.

Folykl seems just a touch friendlier than in her friendsim (and Kuprum's still just as hyped about becoming a helmsman as before, even if he seems to know more details about it now).

Chixie's more anxious, probably because it seems she's been doing stuff as The Mask for a while now, and she's going to fuck shit up at Jeevik Week. She says she's not alone in that, and considering it's apparently confirmed that the random troll from her good end Was Dammek all this time... is she also actively in the rebellion? Also is it just me or does her sprite look somewhat scribblier than everyone else's? Even the background characters??

Elwurd's pretty much the same, and it does seem her flirting with Joey was mostly to try and get her to buy something. Also... if her fake tickets were so good, why didn't she just use them, instead of giving them to Joey and Xefros? Like, I get Marvus and Boldir Knowing Stuff, but her?

Zebruh's paying attention to Marvus instead of Chixie, which. Small mercies. He's still a dick, and we're still doing the whole “clowns are peak oppressed” thing.

Marvus seems to still be perfectly nice to the main characters, and perfectly willing to let other people die in order to help them advance (getting Zebruh to sign up for Slam or Get Culled, Daraya if you fuck up in the trial thing, Hopefully Not Any More Cases...) He is helping Tyzias out with her defensive legislaceration experiments, though, and basically everyone who isn't Joey seems to think he might flip his shit and murder someone, as clowns do. At least people don’t seem to lose their minds around him anymore.

Vikare's basically the same, but Joey immediately picks up on his Jake Vibes and instinctively dislikes him.

Diemen eats people???????? as in, actively????????? wtf?????????

Skylla seems to be pretty much the same, but she's obviously worried because Ladyy's sick!! God I fucking hope we do get to help her out before the end of the game.

Marsti's also friendlier than she was in her volume, though I remember MSPAR was particularly prone to sticking their foot in their mouth in that one.

Cirava's surprisingly more trusting than they were in their volume (and also, their eye's light green and not teal). Also, apparently they gouged their other eye out on stream?????? as in live???? besides that, good to see not All of the powerful psionics get succesfully indoctrinated.

Polypa's also rather willing to help out, though we still don't know what the heck happened to her.

Boldir's suitably mysterious, and probably also involved with the rebellion... she does call Xefros “burgundy figurehead”.

Konyyl and Azdaja are still having relationship stuffs, but in the end they clearly care the most about each other. (he still doesn't seem to give a fuck about helm stuffs so far?) The question is, who exactly were they hunting down??

The jades and the teals are basically the same as their Friendsim incarnations, as far as I've seen. The one major change to the jades (besides jade lore which i'll discuss further down) seems to be that hatched2dance is now one of the biggest reasons for their fights, and Bronya does get a crunchy bit of Backstory (the jade from her past that got culled because of the Rainbow Hemotions saga, which is also the reason she's so hard on Daraya now)

On the teals, Stelsa and Tyzias seem to have a teensy bit of quadrant vacillation going on?? Tirona seems to be more focused on becoming a history revisionist than a memeagandist now, and it would also seem that Tegiri's the one into vampires now (or at least, Tagora's better at hiding it And a lot better at not getting involved with the whole mess that is whatever the heck the jades are doing)

-Psionics can have single-colored eyes!! tbh we'd already seen this back in Tegiri's route in Friendsim but it's good to Actually See it visually.

-Also, nice to see that Xefros *can* go toe to toe with the strongest psionic we know in all of Hiveswap! (95% sure that I've seen someone theorize something like this might happen?? I personally wasn't expecting it here but anyways Xefros you're doing amazing sweetie) What's not so nice is that he's only shown this strength when Azdaja hurt Joey (as far as i've played of course)... so unless he like unlocks his potential or something so he can do Big Psychics without seeing his friends get hurt beforehand we're in for some Angst.

-Also if Marvus got his ticket from Cridea (and Chixie won hers in like a raffle or something) then why couldn't she have given Xefros and Dammek some?? like, Dammek's been to one Jeevik Week already. Fiamet also told her about Joey, but by then they were already in the train.

-Me: Xefros' microphone's going to be important in act 2! Also me: *has to give it to fucking Zebruh to get his ticket*. Oh well, that's one thing for the Second Playthrough of Achievement Getting (plus: wearing the cone horns, having Joey introduce herself to Boldir, getting through the whole ace attorney segment without game overs...)

-We get the Quadrant Explanation #1000, sans auspisticism.

-It's vaguely implied that Dammek has also read some Soldier Purrbeasts books?? He's told Xefros the whole “death creates a bond deeper than matespritship or kismessisitude” thing, apparently! So if he's not secretly into troll warrior cats then. That sentence's more than mildly worrying??

-JADEBLOOD LOREDUMP PART THE NTEENTH: Okay first of all it's implied that More cloisters exist? Which in retrospect is pretty much obvious because you can't expect only six trolls to take care of All the troll grubs in existence. Also, the reason jades can't sneak out of the caverns anymore is “because they get Drone'd”, and it seems to be implied that they Can't go out At All*, which kinda contrasts with Friendsim (where literally all the jades snuck out of the caverns at least once: Lanque, Daraya and Wanshi in their own routes, Lynera in Vol 18, and Bronya in Vols 6 & 18). One of their tasks seems to be guarding Forbidden Literature, and Xefros states that they either cull or indoctrinate the most powerful psychic grubs.

-It's also stated that all of our jades were chosen for the cloister when they were basically wrigglers, while Lynera states in Friendsim that she's only been 2,43 sweeps in the caverns. (Considering Bronya's new backstory, it seems that capability to become a rainbow drinker ISN'T the qualifying factor for getting cloistered– depending on how exactly that jade died). It comes to mind that regular, non-cloistered jades might not really know about all these logistics, as it seems that at least Bronya wants to keep them secret– and therefore I don't have to go back and re-rewrite yet another chunk of Mirrorbent orz.

-Lastly, Xefros says they will all become nuns (btw, space church was mentioned in Lanque's route!) when they reach their Ordeals, and we already knew they'd be forced to live in isolation from Friendsim, but during the ace attorney thingy Lynera says she's NOT going to leave the planet because she'll become a midwife and tend to the Mother Grub (basically what we all thought jadebloods did back when we only had the ancestor stuff on Homestuck)... but either Daraya or Lanque told her that they weren't real? So either there's more jade propaganda that we didn't know about, or...

-*The one exception to this is, coincidentally, Jeevik Week, and it's apparently because Trizza herself made it so jades could go too, 3 or 4 sweeps before Hiveswap... why's that? What's so important about Jeevik Week that Trizza would do this? Iirc Cridea and Trizza were sort of set up as opposing forces (?? words), all the way back from the first bunch of concept arts we saw of them? The first thing we learnt from Trizza was that she was the “second best at memes”, and on Cridea's first appearance, when troll twitter was still Prongle, she said that some chick was stealing her memes... and now, Cridea has exactly one follower less than Trizza, who everyone in Alternia's forced to follow... would that person be the heiress herself?

#hiveswap #hiveswap spoilers #hiveswap theories #joey claire #xefros tritoh #thoughts and questions #long post #no really this got Long #idk how much of the game this covers tbh #and i will find out Tomorrow

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skeletorific · 5 years ago

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*slams back a Faygo* There's no failed friendship state with Marvus

Literally it isnt possible to not end up his friend. His bad endings are either

1. You dont see him at all

2. He sees you, saves your life, and you comfort each other in face of time oblivion.

EVERY! OTHER! CHARACTER! has a friendship failed state! Even the characters who are friendlier towards you from the start (Skylla, Bronya, Mallek, etc) have some point where they tell you to fuck off or ditch you in the face of growing danger! Except for Marvus, who, in every timeline where he knows you, demonstrates an oddly vested interest in keeping you alive (if not whole) and doesn't get pissed at you even when you conspire with Zebruh to trap him!

What does this mean you clown fuck what do you want from me-

#marvus xoloto #hiveswap #hiveswap friendsim

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mrsegbert · 4 years ago

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It's 3 am over here aND I'M DYING TRYING NOT TO LAUGH AT THAT STUPID WAP MEME BECAUSE I DON'T WANNA WAKE ANYONE UP SAVE ME

Iscfsjafkvaavk MY JAW D R O P P E D

HC THAT ZEBRUH KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO TROLL!WAP

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riverboundao3ff · 4 years ago

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Riverbound, Chapter 16

You are THE GUARDIAN and it is currently Sad Bitch Hours.

It’s not like you were expecting Zebruh to do a complete one-eighty, see the light, and join the rebellion, but you definitely weren’t counting on him trying to lock you in one of his rooms and almost give you a concussion in the process. Granted, you could have easily just zapped out, but still. Why wouldn’t he just listen?

Your arms hurt where his claws pierced your skin. With your luck they’d be infected by morning, if not sooner.

“You okay, robobuddy?”

Mallek’s striking blue eyes are soft and full of concern when you look up at him, and it fills you with guilt. This guy threw hands with an indigoblood for you and he’s asking if you’re okay?

“... Yeah. Just tired.” You lean against him, ignoring the drying salt on your face from your tears. “He didn’t hurt you, did he?”

“Nah. Just a little scratched up.”

You nod.

“No concussion?”

“I don’t think so.”

A loud whoop pulls you from your pity party and back into the real world, and you look up to see Diemen Xicali waving at you from down the sidewalk. Leaning on him is the little kid, looking a bit shocked by everything that had just happened but thankfully much less injured than two nights ago. Zebruh must have let her use a medicalizer to heal her broken leg; her calf is still bruised up but she’s putting weight on it. By her side is some kind of oversized rodent lusus.

“Guys that was crazy!” he shouts joyfully, hauling the poor kid with him as he makes his way over to you and Mallek. You two meet him halfway with the rest of the group close behind.

“He didn’t hurt you, did he?” Mallek demands.

“Not really. He just… wouldn’t let us leave. Said that we owed him for letting us take shelter at his hive. Also, his lusus is frickin’ terrifying,” Diemen complains. He hisses under his breath, which surprises you because you’ve never, ever heard him make a noise like that before. “If I ever see him again it’ll be too soon.”

The girl is staring at you in the way little kids like to stare at things, so you smile and do your best to appear as non-threatening as possible. You’re a mess from getting roughed up by Zebruh, but Daraya is still holding her new black eye from getting kicked by a pissed-off horse lusus, so at least you’re not alone.

“And alien! I can’t believe you’re alive! I’d give you a hug, but…” Diemen pats the kid’s shoulder and shrugs.

“Don’t even worry about it. I missed you too, dude,” you tell him warmly. Man, the look on his face when you two saw each other in Zebruh’s living room was priceless. Luckily, Zebruh had been way too distracted by ranting about some new rustblood singer to notice you desperately signaling him to stay quiet, or else you would have totally blown your cover.

The rodent lusus squeaks, looking up to the girl, who startles and then nods. “T-Thanks for saving us.

“I was glad to. We all are,” you promise.

“As long as I never have to get kicked in the fucking face again,” Daraya mutters.

Lanque scoffs. “At least you didn’t get bucked off and thrown clear across the hive.”

“Oh, shut up--”

“Anyways,” you say loudly, “Good job tonight, everybody.”

“Would have been better if I got to rip Codakk’s bulge off and shove it down his THROAT,” Konyyl growls.

“Kinky,” Azdaja says. Tyzias snorts and Stelsa smacks her shoulder in disgust.

“Guys, there’s a kid present,” you remind them patiently before turning back to Diemen. “Let’s go get oblong meat products sometime, okay?”

“You bet!”

Mallek ends up going with him and the kid to make sure they get back to their neighborhood in one piece, and Konyyl and Azdaja split off after making you promise them you’ll be around for flavordisk dinner next wipe. Polypa does the same; apparently Tegiri texted her with an urgent request to come to his hive immediately. Knowing ‘Giri, the poor guy probably finished another sad-ass anime and needed somebody to help pick out a new series to watch.

The teals walk you and the jades as far as the city limits before turning back to go to class. Apparently, this was one lecture they all really wanted to attend because it has something to do with the history of several legislations passed concerning the limited income provided for lowbloods, specifically up to the olive caste.

“The more we know about systemic oppression, the more we can do to fight it,” Tyzias growls determinedly. “I’ll tell you later how many controversial questions I got to ask before I get kicked out of the class group chat.”

“That’s kind of badass,” Daraya says with a small smile.

“You’re risking your marks, babe,” Stelsa frets. “I mean, it’s admirable, I just worry.”

“My marks will survive. All that extra credit I did is gonna save my ass, don’t worry,” Tyzias assures her. Stelsa seems pacified for the time being, but as soon as her back is turned Tyzias winks at Daraya before strolling off with her matesprit and Tagora.

Daraya’s face flushes jade until her entire face is dark, much to your delight.

As soon as your other friends are out of earshot Lanque is on her like fleas on a stray dog. “My, my, Daraya, are you feeling well? Your face is so green!”

“I’ll teleport us back to the caverns so Lanque can take your temperature,” you jump in, smacking the backside of your hand to her forehead as if feeling for a fever. “You’re not nauseous or anything, right? No loss of appetite?”

Daraya smacks your hand away with a snarl and stomps off to the cavern trail, making Lanque laugh so loud it echoes off the mountainside.

You grin and chase after the younger jadeblood, coming up on her left side. “Come on, dude, tell me how it's going! Have you told her yet?”

“Shut up! No, not yet, I haven’t-- it’s gonna happen, Bombyx, don’t give me that look! We’re just… busy right now! I’m a leader!” Daraya hisses, trying and failing to squirm away from you and Lanque.

“Exactly why you should tell her as soon as possible! Imagine how much better you two might lead together if you were moirails,” Lanque argues.

“You two are perfect for each other,” you sing, grinning at her.

“And Stelsa likes you, which is a bonus.”

“Oh, yeah, I definitely wouldn’t wanna be on Stelsa’s bad side. Look, we just want you to know that we support you no matter what--”

“And that there’s no time like the present.”

You signal Lanque to hold off for a second and pat Daraya’s arm. “We just want you to be happy. You deserve it more than anybody.”

“Except for Wanshi,” Lanque interjects.

“I’d gladly kill somebody for Wanshi,” you agree wholeheartedly. “But are ya picking up what we’re laying down?”

Daraya looks unsure of herself, crossing her arms and hunching in on herself, just a bit. “Do you really think she likes me back?”

You look to Lanque for support, and he nods. “She most definitely does. You don’t see the way she looks at you when you have your back turned.”

Something like hope warms her dark eyes, and she walks with her head held a little higher all the way back to the caverns.

Sneaking back in is pretty easy-- you just zap yourself and the jades to Lanque’s room, the owner of which then kicking you and Daraya out so he can take a nap.

“Ugh. I was hoping I’d get some excuse to not come back here until tomorrow so I don’t have to I.D grubs. Shit takes forever,” she groans as you two walk along a stone path.

From what you remember, I.D-ing grubs involved giving them a sign, recording their weight and blood color, and setting them free in the main caverns to be chosen by a lusus. You’ve helped out a couple of times with Bronya in the past with I.D stuff. Of course she didn’t let you do any of the actual recording, because she’s a perfectionist like that and wanted to do everything herself, but she did have you hold fussy grubs to calm them down so she could work in peace.

“I’ve done that a few times with Bronya. I’ll help you,” you offer.

“Really?”

“Yeah, dude, let’s go.”

She seems a bit less grouchy after that, and even calls a particular plump indigoblood grub you come across a “mega-thick boy”.

Being in the main caverns has always been a game of Russian roulette for you, as drones came and went all the time and stayed on nearly constantly after a new brood hatches. For your own safety you usually just help out in Bronya’s secret nursery, but if you’re feeling extra brave like you are tonight then you take your chances. Besides, after what happened earlier you need to snuggle some babies to get that sweet, sweet serotonin.

You follow Daraya to a natural pocket in the cave wall, where a cluster of eggs was placed. To your delight, two are hatching and one little goldblood is already wiggling around on its back, squeaking irritably as it tries to roll over again and again, failing each time.

“Hang in there, buddy,” you say, reaching in and flipping them over to their stomach. They stop crying and blink up at you with giant yellow eyes. You chuckle and gently scratch under their chin, which makes them give a barely-audible rickety purr.

“Grab her for me,” Daraya says, searching through the nearby lockers before pulling out a scale, binder, and pen.

You scoop up the goldblood and hold her still as Daraya checks her over before scribbling something down in the binder. “So how do you tell which ones are male and which ones are female? They all look the same.”

Her thick brows furrow in confusion. “Uh, their scent? Boys smell a little like rainwater, girls are kind of smokey. Also, girls are bigger.”

You sniff the goldblood. “Smells like cave to me.”

Daraya rolls her eyes, but the corner of her lips are twitching up. “So if you can’t see in the dark, or hear that well, or smell, how are you even alive?”

“If I had a caegar for every time somebody asked me that I’d be able to buy a tank to shoot a big fat hole in Her Imperious Bitchface’s left asscheek.”

“A rebel can dream. Set her on the scale.”

You set the goldblood on the scale. Daraya records her weight and releases her into the wild, or at least into the main cavern.

“Good luck,” you call after her.

“If luck’s on her side, she might not need it when she grows up,” Daraya says, almost to herself.

You both fall into a routine with the next couple of grubs. There’s a rustblood, then a bronzeblood, and after a couple of minutes another egg hatches to reveal an olive. All three are recorded and set off into the unknown. Every time, you ask the universe to look favorably upon them, because there isn’t much else you can do at the moment.

If anything, let them be loved.

“You look like you need to fart,” Daraya tells you after she releases a particularly feisty cerulean girl. “Which means you’re thinking about something.”

You pout. “Yeah, well, your eyeliner is smudged.”

“I smudge it on purpose so everybody can really see the bags underneath my eyes and know that my last fuck has long since departed to the afterlife.”

“That’s valid. If you have to know, I’m trying to telepathically communicate to the grubs that I love them and that they’ll do amazing things when they get older,” you explain.

“... I was trying to be funny, but that’s actually really sweet.” She stares down at the squirming teal grub in her arms. “I wish I could do that.”

“Be telepathic?”

“No. Have enough love for everybody.”

You sigh, leaning back against the cold stone. Above you, bioluminescent fungi glows blue and white in the darkness. “Daraya, I think the fact that you’re leading a rebellion to make the world a better place shows that you’re more than capable of love.”

“But I’m doing it because I’m angry. I hate this place.”

“Why? Because it’s oppressive and unfair and traumatizing?”

“Well, yeah.”

“Exactly. When we’re strong enough to show Alternia who we are and what we stand for, don’t you think there’s gonna be millions of kids like you who realize that they deserve better? Or, if they already know, might finally have the courage to do something about it?”

Daraya sets the grub down and watches it scamper off. “You amaze me. Sometimes you do stupid shit like that one time you got really drunk with Lanque at a party and I had to stop you guys from jumping off the roof of somebody’s hive and into their pool. Sometimes you say stuff so incredibly deep and comforting it makes me think some great cosmic force sent you here to make everybody’s lives just a little bit better.”

You swallow back something hard in your throat. “To be fair, I can swim just fine.”

“Uh-huh. But Lanque can’t.”

Fuck’s sake, why can’t you just tell her? She should know what you are, what you’re capable of, the lengths you’re going, will go to save Alternia. They all should know.

Every single one of your friends so far have been completely overjoyed to have you back. The more time passes, however, the more you feel like you don’t deserve them anymore. You know that one day they’re going to find out. It’s only a matter of time before you accidentally let something slip or have to explain why you have so much power over the fabric of reality itself.

You open your mouth before you can wimp out, fully intent on telling Daraya everything, but when you turn to address her she’s staring down at the tiniest rustblood you’ve ever seen. The thing is no bigger than one of your feet. They’re on the scale, but Daraya isn’t writing anything down. She doesn’t even look like she’s breathing.

“Daraya? You okay?” you ask, concerned. Crap, did you give the poor kid an existential crisis?

“... He’s too small.”

You push off the wall and stride over to her. “Huh?”

She takes a short breath. “He’s too small. He doesn’t meet the weight requirement for male rustbloods. I… I’m supposed to…”

Realization hits you like a crowbar to the face. Your stomach rolls as you look down at this tiny baby, who’s chirping indignantly at being removed from his warm nest.

“He… but he looks completely healthy. He’s moving around and responding to stimuli and everything,” you get out.

“A grub can be healthy and still need to be culled. The Empire doesn’t want runts. Neither do lusii,” Daraya explains tonelessly. “The only reason Karako’s alive is because Bronya raised him herself. Even then, if he makes it to adulthood it’ll be a fucking miracle.”

The thought of Karako at the end of a culling fork makes you want to throw up. “Then I’ll take him to Bronya.”

“You do realize that he still might not make it?”

“Yeah. But that’s what we’re here for, right?”

Daraya nods and hands you the grub. “Don’t come here after you’re done. The drones will be coming back for the day soon.”

“Got it.”

You zap out of there and hope that teleportation won’t give the baby some form of developmental disability.

As you suspected, the lights are on underneath the door to Bronya’s nursery. Glancing up and down the corridor to make sure nobody’s around to see what you’re doing, you carefully tuck the grub into the pocket of your hoodie and knock.

Quiet footsteps approach the door from the other side. You wave at the peephole.

The lock clicks, and Bronya opens the door with a warm smile. Everything suddenly feels a little more manageable. “What a surprise! I’ve been hoping you’d stop by.”

“Hi, Bronya,” you say, stepping in and shutting the door behind you. “Sorry I haven’t been able to come by sooner. Geez, you vanish off the face of the planet for half a sweep and suddenly you’re everybody’s favorite alien.”

“Well, you can hardly blame them, can you?” Bronya tuts. At the table across from the slime pools, she types in something to her husktop before shutting it. “Wanshi cried for ages after you were gone. She was absolutely convinced you were dead in a ditch somewhere, the poor thing.”

“Aw, Bronya, don’t make me feel even more guilty.”

She grins at you. “Just teasing. I’m almost finished wrapping everything up for the day, but you’re more than welcome to hold the grubs if you want.”

“I think I’ll take you up on that. Unfortunately, I think I’m about to add even more to your workload.” With a sigh, you bring out the tiny rustblood and present him to her.

Bronya’s eyes widen, and in a flash she’s right in front of you, nearly making you crap your pants. You’d forgotten how fast trolls can move when they really want to. “He didn’t meet the weight requirement, I assume?”

“No. Other than that he seems perfectly healthy, he’s just…” You chuckle nervously. “He’s really frickin’ tiny.”

You hand him over to her before she can get too itchy about not holding him. She cuddles him to her chest with the softest expression you’ve ever seen. It makes you wonder about how some trolls thrive on nothing but violence but others live to take care of others. On Alternia, is it nature or nurture that makes a person?

“He’s beautiful.” She looks up at you with shining dark green eyes. “Thank you for saving him. I can’t name many others even in the caverns who would have done the same.”

“Daraya’s the one who found him, so… can’t take all of the credit.” Wow, is it hot in here or is it just you?

“Well, I’m glad she made a good choice, even if by our society’s standards it wasn’t the right one,” Bronya tells you as she sets the grub down in one of the slime pools. The other inhabitants, three other rusts, a goldblood, and two bronzes roll over and accept him into their cuddle pile without hesitation.

“Yeah. Sometimes the good choice and the right choice just aren’t the same thing,” you mumble, watching an indigoblood in the adjacent pool kick their little legs in their sleep.

Bronya nods. She looks tired as she sits down heavily at the table, and you want to tell her to go get some rest, but you can tell there’s something on her mind.

“Is there anything else I can help you with?” you ask.

She hesitates, looking almost ashamed before drawing herself upright and exhaling quietly. “... Actually, yes. I’m afraid you’re the only person I can trust enough to do this.”

You sit down across from her, looking her in the eyes to make sure she knows you’re being serious for once. “You can talk to me, Bronya. And I promise I’m not making pale advances or anything, because I’m already one-hundred percent taken.”

That gets a smile out of her. “Thank you. You have no idea how much I missed having a listening ear like yours.”

“My hearing might be terrible by troll standards, but I’ll try my absolute best.”

“... It started not long after you… disappeared. Daraya began acting… strangely,” Bronya begins. “She’s always been a bit of a lone wolf, but this was something different. She’d vanish for half a night, and then eventually she wouldn’t be back until the sun was coming up. She fell behind in her duties. Of course I did my best to be understanding, she looked up to you more than anybody-- she still does, even if she’ll never say it. We all missed you terribly.”

You nod. You’ve got an awful suspicion as to where this is going, but you don’t want to entertain the thought that Bronya would ask you to do… what you think she’s going to ask you to do.

“She got a little better with time, but that didn’t change her little vanishing act. I tried to get her to talk to me, which went as well as one thought it would. Then I tried to stop her from leaving. That went even worse.”

“Daraya’s got a hell of a temper,” you say.

“That she does. Then, a couple of perigees in, Lanque started doing the same thing. Leaving at odd hours, coming back smelling of strange places. Thankfully they finally got their act together concerning their responsibilities around here, which I thought would be a turning point for them, but… they just wouldn’t stop!” Bronya hisses, throwing her hands up in exasperation. “Clouds are white, the grass is purple, and jadebloods aren’t allowed to leave the caverns. Three simple facts of life, and yet those two insist on ignoring the latter!”

“Were they happier?” you ask.

Bronya blinks, confused. “What?”

“I get that ignoring their responsibilities must have been a massive pain in the rear, but what about after they figured it out? Did their mental health benefit from going to the surface?”

She looks down at you like you just asked her why the Alternian sun is hot. “From an outsider’s perspective it must seem harsh, I know. But a jadeblood’s purpose isn’t to be happy. It’s to ensure the continuation of our species.”

“So… do you want me to try and get them to stop? Because I’m gonna tell you right now that’s not gonna work. Both Daraya and Lanque are very strong and I am very small,” you tell her.

“Of course not. The thing is, they both trust you very much, possibly more than their fellow jadebloods. Which is why I want you to keep going with them when they sneak out, and then I want you to tell me what they’ve been up to this whole time.”

For the second time tonight you’re struck speechless.

“I know it’s a terrible favor to have to request of you. But I’m afraid I have no other choice. Lanque and Daraya’s loyalty and priorities have become completely skewed over the perigees and as head jade, it’s my duty to steer them back on course,” Bronya declares.

“... Right.”

A nobler version of you would stand up and angrily, but politely tell Bronya that there was no way that you’d ever betray your friends’ privacy like that. You would tell her that you value her as a friend and thank her for letting you stay and work here whenever you felt like. Then, you would explain that as much as you’ve come to respect her, you simply cannot do this for her.

What you do instead is to swallow back your sadness and say, “I’ll see what I can do.”

Bronya looks so happy and relieved you nearly make a break for it in utter shame. “Oh, thank you. Thank you so much. I knew that you’d always be brave enough to do the right thing.”

But the right thing isn’t always a good thing! you want to cry.

She sees you out after that, a comforting hand on the small of your back. She tells you to rest well and that everything is going to be okay.

The second she closes her respiteblock door you start to cry as quietly as possible. You walk down the corridor, and when you’re sure she’s out of earshot you take off running. Everybody else is already back in their rooms, which you’re grateful for so nobody can see your pathetic ass having an anxiety attack while sprinting like fucking Usain Bolt.

You want to go curl up in Lynera’s study and cry yourself to sleep, but you’re already keeping one too many secrets from the people you care about so much. You’re not going to be a coward about this, even if it means starting the shitshow to end all shitshows, even if it means losing one of your oldest friends.

You take a moment to catch your breath in a supply closet, and then you go find Lanque.

#hiveswap #hiveswap friendsim trolls #pesterquest #hometuck #riverbound #mspa reader #the guardian #c16

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rorrimehtnienoeht · 6 years ago

Text

So people have been trying to classpect Marvus and

most people are going with

Caprist, Sign of the Audacious.

And thing is, I can totally understand why! He has an awareness of the canonicity of timelines, which we tend to immediately equate to Time-bound as sort of ‘their thing’. But, there are some things that bug me about that....

A less thought about trait that Time-bound share is the acceptance of fate.

(lots more under readmore)

Of course, different classes make that work in different ways. For Dave, it was accepting he had to fulfill every stable time loop he created with his powers or end up dead like all his doomed timeline selves. For Aradia, it was going along with what she had to do emotionlessly in order to keep the timeline in check- up until the point she was able to come back to life as Godtier, at which point she fucked off to play in the dream bubbles where everyone had already met their fate of death.

But in this case, the most important one to bring to mind is Caliborn.

See, a lot of people have been speculating that Marvus is a Lord of Time, and a good way to figure out the truth is to bring up the case study we already have of how a Lord of Time works with regards to the concept of fate. And admittedly, Caliborn was pretty ‘grab fate by the neck and strangle it until it sees things your way’, too.

But, that was only ever the case with himself.

For him as Lord English (or Doc Scratch) it was all about already being there, propagating himself and making sure that, whatever was happening, they happened the way he wanted it to. Fate only mattered insofar as he had to be the one calling the shots. It was never about things being canon or noncanon- it was about his actions always being the only ones that really mattered.

So, while the nuances of the thought process would probably be different, you expect another Lord of Time to have a thought process that least parallels that way of thinking in nature....

....which Marvus completely goes against.

For one thing, his thought process doesn’t seem nearly as self-centered as Caliborn’s. He spends a large portion of his time saving the MSPA reader from various deaths (which the Aspect of Time is also deeply entwined with) and generally trying to make sure they’re okay. And, mostly, gets out of it relatively fine. Admittedly, in the time paradox end he gets hurt pretty badly, but that’s only after saving the reader’s life over and over and over up until that point.

And hey, if you want the talk about someone deeply embroiled in Time bullshit...

...Just take a look at the reader, who invites time to be destroyed around them over and over as they make both prosperous and detrimental choices and often gets themselves and others killed, even as they tend to accept their fate of being made to pick miscellaneous choices and creating different timelines all in the name of FRIENDSHIP. At this point, it’s pretty hard not to see them as anything but a Bard of Time.

And really, the reader was more than willing to accept they’d fucked up and invited the destruction of this route by the fact that Zebruh ended up dead. The only one who kept on stopping it.....

Was Marvus, who continually chose to intervene.

The main thing that people point to when it comes to Marvus being Time-bound is the fact that he seems to be aware of timelines to some degree. But, really, his speech there wasn’t really about time itself. It was about how all paths and choices matter, no matter how canon they are considered to be, as they become yet another clue to be put together and interpreted in various ways by those mindful enough to pick up on it.

Plenty of people seem to forget that lots of aspects deal with timelines and the nature of them- it’s simply that each aspect does so from a different angle. Time of course deals with timelines in the most obvious manner, with regards to making sure things turn out the way they’re supposed to and going along with the whims of fate; Light is about choosing the path that leads to success whether it’s the ‘main’ timeline or not; Breath is about freeing a character from the bonds of a narrative so they can do what they want, with the timeline only being impacted in a tangential manner.

And Mind? Mind looks at the timeline and sees all possible options, based on different choices.

And Marvus’s entire monologue in the time paradox end was all about how all options matter and even if it’s not the ‘successful’ one it’s still important insofar as it gives more information and data to extrapolate from to better understand and interpret things, which is a classically Mind-bound perspective.

And it’s not just that! Choices are only one possible interpretation of the aspect of Mind. Know another thing that falls under the domain of Mind?

Thought.

Isn’t it interesting how literally everyone seems to adore Marvus? The reader even points it out as they fall for it as well - one look at clown, and he’s the most important person to them, how things go for him and how well he’s doing becomes the centerpoint of their internal dialogue. Even consideration of promises only matter in how that’ll bother Marvus and if that’s okay.

Without even meaning to, Marvus dominates the Mind of everyone who looks at him.

It should be pretty obvious what I’m getting to here.

Capriza, Sign of the Rigid.

Marvus, to me, has pretty obvious traits of a Lord of Mind (which also contrasts well with Boldir’s Muse of Heart). And we already have Karako as our purple Mind-bound Prospit dreamer, which means that Marvus is more than likely a Derse Dreamer by default.

And, Sign of the Rigid? I mean, y’all have rock hard cloners (clown boners) for him, so that seems like a pretty apt descriptor. Plus the fact that the sign itself looks like it could be:

balls

tiddy

a teeny-tiny waist and big ass with the crotch circled

and due to how so many people want to choke him down bad, any and all of those seem relevant.

Of course, I still have some more off-the-wall theories about what his sign could be...

...but this is already gonna be long, so I figure it’s best not to get into that now.

As always, feel free to respond or argue with me! I love talking to people about this stuff!

#marvus xoloto #marvus #xoloto #hiveswap #hiveswap spoilers #hiveswap friendsim #hiveswap friendsim spoilers #friendsim spoilers #friendsim chapter 16 #theory crafting #well really it should be called hypothesis crafting but what can ya do #also all this is DEFINITELY NOT because I want Marvus to share the same aspect as me #NOT. AT. ALL.#>.>'#...okay only a LITTLE because of that.

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zayashmaya · 6 years ago

Note

I bet that Tagora, after that unpleasant encounter with Zebruh, now has in his palmhusk Marvus's number under the name "911 clown matesprist" and is ready to call at the slightlest confrontation because he knows that Marvus will drop everything and go if Mc is in trouble

tagora calling marvus to handle zebruh like

but then poor marvus gets roped into Zebruh’s uncomfortable flirting and it’s up to mc to save the day with her awkwardness

(ty anon this made me lol)

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unicorn-poop · 6 years ago

Text

He learned his lesson

4 trolls were on the couch; Equius, Tagora, Feferi and Zebruh himself. Zebruh was manspreading. Everyone was disturbed

TAGORA: Are you Fucking kidding me?

-10 out of the swear jar

ZEBRUH: Nope. My blue balls need to breath

FEFERI: Can you please close your damn legs! T)(is couc)( is already crowded as it is!

ZEBRUH: Didn’t you hear me sea dweller? My blue balls need air

EQUIUS: D—> Listen you disgrace you will stop this degenerate behavior immediately

ZEBRUH: Or What sweaty Jegus?

Equius Literally Hit him in the groin and with his intense STRENGTH it didn’t take much for Zebruh to be on the floor curled up in a ball crying.

EQUIUS SAVED THE DAY

#homestuck #equius zahhak #zebruh codakk #feferi peixes #tagora gorjek

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momestuck · 6 years ago

Text

Let’s read Hiveswap Friendsim - volume 10!

We’re over the halfway mark. Nineteen friends. This time, Of Faraway Lands and Nearby Pals.

Our trolls are going to be...

These two.

Incidentally, I haven’t commented, but every troll select screen has a different drawing when you mouseover the troll. Usually they’re just the same troll with a light shining on them, looking more enthusiastic, but you gotta see Tegiri’s one...

In addition to the Jojo-like art style, that’s the katakana character ゴ ‘go’ repeated. For some reason, katakana is commonly used over hiragana for sound effects in manga, such as laughter. So yeah. We’ve finally found the mall katana guy mentioned waaaaay back in Polypa’s route!

Oddly, while ‘Tegiri’ would be valid romaji (although not, I checked, on lists of Japanese names I could find... I wouldn’t want to guess at a pseudo-’translation’, there’s a few possibilities), ‘Kalbur’ is decidedly not, and would be turned into something like ‘karuburu’ if it was transliterated into Japanese. That might be significant...

But that’s as far as my rudimentary Japanese knowledge can take me. We’ll come back to Tegiri shortly. First of all, it’s...

youtube

...beloved The Magic Roundabout character, Zebedee!

I really hope that’s not a coincidence.

Zebede

Zebede is the third and final troll by Magdalena Clarke, author of Vikare and Elwurd. Well, I enjoyed Elwurd, so that’s a good sign... hopefully...

This begins with getting a chittr notification. God, push notifications, am I right?

The name suggests we’re going to deal with the bees that made Sollux’s ‘mind honey’, granting goldbloods fantastic powers. (The game seems to have decisively chosen ‘gold’ rather than ‘yellow’, so I will defer to this.)

Who is this new friend? It seems to be someone who knows Cirava...

Their speech quirk seems to be using z in place of s, but not always.

Zebede invites us to download a video chat app...

Surprisingly, this does not result in our phone getting inducted into a botnet. Apparently the app we downloaded is called ‘grype’.

It’s weird to have so many Skype jokes given that Skype has pretty much given way to other messaging apps, at least in my experience...

He’s really excited to hear about how we know Cirava, and we tell him. He lets on rather unsubtly that he’s lonely and would appreciate a visit. Apparently he lives a long way out, for the sake of the bees.

We get our first choice...

Honestly no idea which one is the instant death option here. Probably asking if it’s really fine, but the ways we die are so random in this game, who knows?

Let’s go with asking where he lives.

We mention we went out to visit Skylla in the countryside, which leads him to... more self-deprecation. Wow, this guy sure is insecure.

And he decides like... we’re not really interested in visiting him. ‘A wall has been raised’, as the game puts it.

Dude, no wonder you don’t have friends.

OK, well, that was a short branch. Let’s try asking about his living situation and his lusus, whether it’s really fine.

Ah yes, play on his feelings of resentment. Get him to complain and wheedle in that way. That’s our narrator.

This guy’s face is so... pointy... I don’t have much commentary to add.

This leads us to a non-choice of saying we’ll go visit him immediately. This seems like a really healthy, non-manipulative friendship we’ve got going on here.

Apparently Zebede’s got some of whatever concentrated loneliness and fetishisation of friendship our narrator is suffering.

The narrator goes through a few friends to try and figure out who to get a lift from... and after rejecting Tagora, Amisia, Zebruh (oh god no), taxis and public transport, they decide the only option is to do crimes. Hey, I can get behind it.

By crimes they mean, finding an unlocked car and nicking it. Unlike Konyyl, they can’t punch locks off.

Apparently we know how to turn on the auto-pilot in a troll car. Not sure when we figured that one out!

Fittingly, Zebede’s hive is full of bees.

Inside, too, it’s a nice rustic bee farm.

We get a text message from... Cirava, it turns out. I wonder what they want...

We have the choice of ignoring it or letting it go to voicemail. Wow, we’re getting a lot of phone calls in this episode! Let’s try chatting with Cirava, maybe we can invite them over and all chill here...

It’s nice to see Cirava again. The protagonist’s weird obsession with collecting more friends instead of spending time with the ones they’ve made is highlighted...

What’s up with that?

The matter of Cirava’s clothes comes up.

Oh right so that’s what happened to Cirava’s clothes... I honestly forgot.

Anyway, Cirava’s a little worried when we say we’re hanging out with Zebede, who they know by chittr handle if not by name. They are worried that we’re tight, and we say we’re working on it.

Called out!

Anyway, Cirava warns us about getting too close to Zebede, and links... his fanfiction. OK, sure. It turns out to be... RPF. Of Cirava.

Oh dear, we’re gonna get into the RPF discourse in this episode, huh? That is something I generally want to stay a long way away from.

Anyway, Zebede comes back while we’re reading one of his fics.

That sure is an expression.

Anyway, when we explain that Cirava linked this, Zebede decides we’re not prioritising him after all, and clearly Cirava is more important than him.

I’m really not sure we want to be this guy’s friend.

He breaks down crying at the perceived slight of mentioning that we have other friends.

The protagonist starts feeling like a dick. There’s a poke at the blurry line between inner monologue and spoken dialogue on the protagonist’s part...

But anyway, that’s that for Zebede’s route.

So, how do we actually befriend this guy? Trick seems to be to pretend we care about literally nothing other than him, I guess. So let’s go back and ignore Cirava’s grype call.

Instead of answering the call, we work on our chittr profile. God, that’s hard enough irl, let alone when you’re on an alien planet...

So, we assure Zebede that we weren’t about to take a call in the middle of a hang sesh, and he starts showing us some pirate films. Then, switches to space pirate films. Poor guy’s really thrown for a loop by our indecisiveness.

The narrator is sympathetic, but unhelpful. Honestly narrator, just pick something. Fake some enthusiasm. If you really want to be friends with this kid...

We suggest watching the last thing he watched on grubtube. Which... seems like a shitty suggestion to me, since like, if it’s the last thing you watched...

But to Zebede, that seems to be something much worse.

You promise you absolutely won’t judge him. We may regret this.

Mostly, it turns out to be videos of Cirava. Yeah, we get it, he’s got a crush.

He shows us some music videos of a group called hatched2dance. I’m guessing this is a KPop (or perhaps JPop) parody, especially given the whole RPF angle...

Honestly like I probably couldn’t stand this guy in real life but I have some sympathies for his whole awkward gay teenager reading fic thing.

Anyway, seeing themselves reflected in Zebede prompts some reflection in the narrator.

The narrator has kind of a freakout on realising how offputting they’ve been - that they’ve been ‘a big phony’.

We’re saved from an existential crisis by someone showing up to reclaim their scuttlebuggy.

The narrator decides they should probably go out and face the music before this troll carves their way into the hive. This wins over Zebede even harder.

We learn that Zebede’s psychic power is... controlling bees. Using the bees, they drive off the troll outside.

And so we chill with Zebede, and the protagonist takes notes on ‘not being such a desperate piece of shit’.

We’ll see if this whole change of heart actually lasts.

The Alternian text in the picture says ‘ALTERNIA K-POP ALL-STARS’ in the Hiveswap version of the alphabet. Just in case you had any doubt what videos he’s into.

Tegiri

And now... time for things to get anime. This is the debut of David Turnbull.

The protagonist notices the edges of sunrise, and concludes they need to make a friend before daybreak. At that moment, someone accosts them.

Tegiri also gets chiptunes, in common with our other anime troll. I think it’s a remix of one of the tracks elsewhere in Homestuck. But it could easily fit in with a genuine 8-bit game.

Reassuringly, Tegiri concludes that since we’re an alien not a troll, he doesn’t have to cull us.

His typing quirk is that he replaces the letter ‘L’ with slashes.

And his character trait is, sure enough...

HUGE WEEB. Though, glass houses, stones, etc....

Naturally, the initial instant death choice is...

Unusually, we get three choices.

I can assert with 100% confidence that if I click anything other than ‘subs’, I will be executed by katana. So let’s try... both are good.

He casts us out for our indecisiveness.

The Alternian text here reads ‘PATHETIC.’ The drawing here recalls a particular anime meme... after some digging I was able to identify it as a screencap of Asuka from eva:

Think this is probably from End of Evangelion? But I can’t really recall.

...god I’m not helping my case for not being as much a weeb as Tegiri here, am I?

OK, let’s try subs now.

...lol, I’m wrong. He prefers dubs. What kind of weeb is this guy?

However, even though we’re wrong on the Most Important Question, we get to come back to his hive.

We can see body pillows around his recuperacoon, an improbable number of katanas, a bunch of figurines... the text above his bed says OPPAI, which is, well... Japanese for boobs. Yeah.

If you look closely at the anime figurines, I’m sure you can identify a few.

But except for Luffy in top right, I’m not sure about the rest. Someone who knows more about anime, feel free to fill me in. Bottom right might be a machine lifeform from NieR Automata, but that seems too recent, and wouldn’t 2B be a more in-character one for him to have?

Anyway...

I like how this casually assumes that the reader knows what an otaku is, but then again who reads Homestuck without knowing that I guess.

The narration says Tegiri has sorted his merch by blood colour, which is like... contradicted by the illustration which clearly has a bronzeblood troll at the top, but who cares I guess.

This guy is just too quotable lol.

Anyway, we get to meet a lusus again. This time, the lusus is actually drawn, not just a filtered stock photo!

It’s also mildly terrifying :D

It’s called Tadashi Inu, which means... well it kind of doesn’t mean anything (‘however dog’???), but if it was Tadashii Inu, it would mean Correct Dog.

Anyway, naturally what does an anime club do but watch anime?

He’s presently in the middle of watching ‘Philosopher’s Half-Iron’, which I’m guessing is a joke about Fullmetal Alchemist? Instead, he proposes Schoolfed Heroism (BNHA maybe?) and Kismet:Stuck Morning (no guesses for this one... I’m a fake weeb).

It’s also interesting that we’re watching on DVDs. If they wanted to go full weeb, they could put in fansub jokes here... but then this guy prefers dubs to subs, so maybe he likes to buy official releases.

Naturally, we run into translation issues.

He wanted the first edition and ‘paid extra for it’. So rather than enjoy the rest of the episode, we set off to have a word with the importer...

I have to ask... how does the troll economy work? There’s hints at a capitalist economy, money is mentioned and we had the guy running the club just now, but none of the trolls seem to have jobs. They seem to just get issued money according to their blood colour?

Speaking of which, we get some comments on troll retail...

So yeah, we’re gonna find another weeb I guess.

If that’s the billboard in the background, it's too small and blurry to work out what it says, unfortunately.

He seems pretty opposed to any ‘rebel sentiments’. Which of course he discusses with the weebiest metaphors. Alternia balances on...

He goes on about katanas for a while, like he’s going down a checklist of orientalist tropes. Naturally it’s a prelude to a challenge to ‘dance’.

We say swords are cool and this gets a little rant about bushido. You know, that self-serving horseshit some guy in the late 1800s fabricated as nationalist mythology...

We arrive at the anime store.

More text to transcribe, oh joy. At the top of the store it says the name of the shop, mentioned in dialogue, ‘SUPER TOPATO IMPORTS’. Above the door behind the counter it says ‘EMPLOYEES ONLY’. On the bookshelf full of manga it says something too squished to easily read.

Anyway, we’re having a look around, but Tegiri starts kicking up a stink.

It’s basically the navy seal copypasta, slightly modified to be more trollish.

Meanwhile we’ve accidentally knocked some anime and manga out of someone’s hand.

Still not getting these references, unfortunately.

The troll with a pink sign is apparently against troll law - ‘depiction of nonstandard hemological attributes’.

This is all going over my head at this point. The references, I mean. Obviously the text - that Tegiri is an entitled douchebag - is clear enough.

Oh, this one I get - Ace Attorney, of course.

Anyway, this is where we get a choice. Do we stop Tegiri straight up murdering someone for peddling the wrong kind of anime?

Obviously we will try. Even though this seems like a great way to end up dead ourselves.

We speak up for the shopkeeper, and manage to convince Tegiri not to straight-up kill him. This leads to... a story, of a previous time he showed mercy, in contradiction to the law.

Of course, we know who this baby - who should have been culled for lacking a lusus, by troll law - would have been. God, I’d sure rather be hanging out with Polypa than this guy.

The narrator, of course, has one thing on their mind...

We suggest that the law, and what is right, are maybe not the same thing...?

The hard decisions such as ‘do I murder this baby?’

The narrator decides they know something about bad ways to manage loneliness...

The narrator manages to divert his rant by asking about his eyes. Which are... any guesses? Contact lenses. For cosplay.

Before we can make the error of accusing him of breaking the law by cosplaying a nonexistent blood caste, who should show up but...

Oh thank god. Save us, Polypa.

Of course he says 何 nani instead of ‘what’. And as for 後輩 kōhai, that’s basically the counterpart to senpai, the junior partner in an informal hierarchy within an organisation, dictating the use of certain honorifics. If my reading of the wiki article is right, he’s using it quite incorrectly.

Polypa lets on that we’re moirails. This causes Tegiri to be a little taken aback. The narration has some fun.

Tegiri claims - despite his huge stack of body pillows and figurines - that he has no time for quadrants.

‘Were it not for the laws of this land’ is most commonly associated with a meme from a Ghanaian film, not anime, but the sentiment surely fits.

Polypa tries to talk some sense into him.

So we end up doing an anime sleepover...

The dog is saying ワンワン (wanwan), which is standard Japanese onomatopoeia for a dog barking.

The text in this screen says... ‘Ore wa kaizoku-ou ni naru otoko da!’, which is a One Piece reference, meaning ‘I'm the man who will be the pirate king!’.

So, Tegiri may be insufferable, but at least with Polypa around we can keep him more or less under control.

There’s a few more options to explore. What if we’d picked dubs, not subs, near the start? He praises our choice, but otherwise, the story proceeds in the same way. I think that’s actually the first time we’ve had branches merge.

Now, what if we let him kill the shopkeeper?

Shockingly, he’s not as much a swordsman as he makes out. And the shopkeeper, it turns out, is psychic, and zaps him before legging it.

I was under the impression that psychic abilities were rare in goldbloods, but what do I know?

We ask like... was that really necessary?

Well, he’s certainly a tool, he got that part right. (Sorry.)

We go to report the shopkeeper’s terrible crimes to the drone, but unfortunately... it seems that the protagonist has a rap sheet themselves!

They can’t pin it on us! We’re innocent!

God, the ‘everything happened’ approach to continuity is still fucking with me. Did we make friends with Remele? Did we not? Earlier, the narration mentioned making ‘between 1 and 19′ friends. What if someone didn’t obsessively explore and replay every branch? They’d be so confused!

But despite his ineptitude with a sword, our attempted escape over an overpass leaves us...

Dead.

I’m sure this shot is also an allusion to an anime meme, but I can’t say which one, so yeah.

That’s Zebede and Tegiri. Not the best friends we’ve made, but I enjoyed the chance to be a huggggeee neeeerrrd in this post. (>implying that I could be anything other than a huge nerd on my homestuck liveread blog)

#momestuck #lets read hiveswap friendsim

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