#sammy’s summer writing challenge

[dannythedog]

Collage by @stardust-chords-enthusiast

Pairing: Sam Kiszka x fem!reader

Word Count: 11.1k

Summary: You've grown up with Sam Kiszka as a best friend. As the two of you get older, you realize your feelings may be morphing into something more. What will happen when Sam finally invites you to the annual Kiszka lake trip where a string of crimes have taken place?

Warnings: mentions of marijuana, alcohol consumption, swearing, body image issues, talk of death

A/N: I just want to thank @gretavanfran for encouraging me to run with this idea and offering to help me write. We've never written something like this before so we're a little nervous to post this lol but feedback is appreciated and let us know if you want a part two!! We have so many more ideas for where this can go and would love to share with you guys

_

“Let’s go!” Sam calls from the front door of your house. The patience in his voice is wearing thin and it makes you zip your bag faster, accidentally pinching the skin of your forefinger. It’s time for the annual lake trip the Kiszka family takes at the beginning of summer. Sam usually opted to take his other best friend Danny, leaving no room for you, but this year there was an extra space. You’ve known Sam since seventh grade, the both of you meeting on the junior debate team. He was the only student who actually challenged you and he liked your passion, so you two quickly became inseparable.  

Heaving your duffle up, you rush to the door. “Sorry,” you breathe. “Just had to make sure I didn’t forget anything.”.

 “Yeah, yeah, just give me the bag so we can get going.” Reaching for the bag on your shoulder, Sam lets out a breathy chuckle.

“Wait, Sam, I ha-,” you were quickly interrupted by the long haired man.

“I already checked the back door, walked through the house and unplugged everything. Bug, everything’s going to be okay. Learn how to relax a little, alright?” 

“I’m always relaxed,” you mumble in a grumpy tone. 

“Oh really? When’s the last time you genuinely had fun without having to worry about anything?” He got you there, you were always anxious - anxiety was practically your name and overthinking was your game. You couldn’t help but think about if everything was going to plan, constantly worrying about safety. Except for when you're with a certain golden retriever boy. Sammy. He was fearless and lived life without a care in the world, that’s why you believed that you two quickly became friends. Opposites attract after all - he made the overthinking disappear in you and you made him pay more attention to the things that surrounded him.

After tossing the bag into the back seat of his beat up Jeep Cherokee where his own luggage rests, he clambers into the driver’s spot. “My mom’s gonna be so mad if we’re super late. She only agreed to let me drive as long as I was semi on time.”

“Well, maybe you should’ve let me drive,” you tease. The entire Kiszka family had a bad habit of being late, something that irked you to your core. Turning your head to look at the man in the driver seat, you watch in amusement as he lets out a scoff, throwing the car in reverse. He places an arm on your seat and checks for traffic both ways before entering the road.

“What, so we could be there four hours early? Leave at six am? No thanks, I’d rather sleep.”

“You know, backing into a main street is illegal right?” Now turning to face you, Sam dramatically rolls his eyes and flashes you that beaming smile of his.

“Bug, I want you to relax on this vacation. Mommy and Daddy won't be there to make sure you dot your I’s and cross your T’s.” 

As much as you hated to admit it- Sam was right. It’s been forever since you’ve actually relaxed. On top of your chronic over thinking - your parents watched you like a hawk. They always told you the strictness was because they wanted you to get into a top of the line college. Ever since you got the acceptance letter from the University of Michigan, you were expecting them to ease up. Wrong - if anything they tightened the reins more. Even though you were eighteen and freshly graduated high school, you had to practically get on your hands and knees begging them to allow you to accompany Sam all while reassuring them a million times that Sam’s parents were going to be there. 

“I am relaxed. Let’s get going. You know we'll never hear the end of us being late from Jake,” you breathe out, crossing your arms across your chest. As if his smile couldn’t get any bigger, it was practically ear to ear as he watched you slowly come to the realization he was right. 

“Aye aye, Captain. No more funny business. Wouldn’t want to keep Jacob waiting,” he replies to you in a teasing tone, while throwing the car into drive.

A warm breeze pours through the windows as the journey starts. It rustles the haphazardly placed locks on Sam’s head, a messy bun being his go to for the summer, and it somehow manages to make him look softer. Your eyes trail down to his plump lips, only landing there briefly before moving onto his outfit. He dons a denim button up that only has the bottom few buttons done, a pretty tiger’s eye pendant resting on the exposed skin of his chest, a pair of the tiniest khaki shorts you’ve ever seen, and of course his trusty Birkenstocks. While his outfit was casual, it still made you feel a little frumpy. You just wore a pair of black biker shorts and a tie-dye shirt, two sizes too big, with some black Tevas. 

“So why couldn’t Danny go this year? Not that I’m complaining, I’m really happy to be invited.”

His brown eyes glance over to you for a moment, lips forming into a small frown. “His family planned their own vacation. It’s kind of ass that I’ve never invited you before, huh? I’m sorry that I’m an idiot.”

You wave him off, trying to play it like you never felt an ache in your chest when you watched the family drive off every year. “I get it, it’s a boys thing. No biggie.”

He still looks guilty despite your casual reassurance, but doesn’t press any further. Sam really did feel bad that he never invited you before. He wasn’t sure if you would like hanging out with him and his family for a week straight, emphasis on his brothers. His older twin siblings could be a lot sometimes. Josh was a little over-friendly and Jake could be too cold. Inviting anyone on vacation was asking for trouble - especially a girl and most definitely if that girl was you. The twins have known you for just as long as their little brother had. But Sam knew that they wouldn’t let up on the teasing - it would be relentless.

 Unbeknownst to you, they would wait until you left the room or have your back turned and would always make kissy faces at the younger boy - mocking him about how in love he was with you and how you were his ‘little secret girlfriend’.  Sam could take the teasing one day at a time, but he felt like a whole week’s worth of teasing would be too much for him to handle. So, he always opted to bring Danny. Plus, he wanted you all to himself, but no one had to know that.

“Hey, you know what I brought?” He grins a little too widely. “Check my backpack. The small pocket in the front.”  

You reach into the back, very obvious suspicion settling across your face. Pulling his beat up tie-dye bag into the front with care was not an easy feat. It was stuffed full and piled under a bunch of other luggage. With just a bit of grumbling, you dig into that small pocket and pull out a baggie filled with joints.

 “Sam!” you hiss. “Did you forget your parents are going to be with us?”

He reaches over and gives your arm a gentle shove. “See? This is what I was talking about earlier. You never have fun without worrying about everything.”

 “I’m sorry,” you sigh and put the baggie back. “You’re totally right. I don’t know why I got weird about it.”

Your face flushes and you feel embarrassed. He was right. Why couldn’t you let loose and just enjoy this time being close with Sam? Don’t ruin this for yourself. 

“Hey,” he says softly, that same frown from earlier returning.

“No, it’s okay. You are right. It’s not often I’ll admit that, so take it while you can,” you grin.

The few hour drive is peaceful, filled with laughter and good music. Sam never fails to keep you entertained. That was another checkmark on the long list of things you adore about him. You weren’t sure how Sam didn’t realize you were falling for him. You didn’t try to make it obvious, but you figured he would at least see the little things - the way you’d always make sure to have his favorite snacks around, wake up at absurd hours to make Walmart trips, how you’d do just about anything he asked. Honestly, you’d probably follow this man to the depths of hell if he asked you to.   

“Where are we?” you garble, not noticing that you drifted off at some point, finally waking when Sam turns onto a rather bumpy back road.

“About five minutes from the house. Our place is in a pretty secluded spot, not many neighbors.”

The road is covered with rocks and potholes, making it impossible for your bodies to stay still, rocking side to side with each bump and sway of the vehicle. Lush trees fill the spaces on either side of the road and overtake your senses. It’s hard to see through the thick greenness of the vegetation, but it’s beautiful and makes everything feel so serene. Like you weren’t still in your home state of Michigan. The trees began to thin the closer you got to the house, opening to a small clearing with a great view of the sparkling lake. You could see an expanse of sandy beaches spread out at the back of the property with a hole dug out near the house as a makeshift fire pit.  There’s a small dock a bit further down with an old rowboat attached to it, gently bobbing in the mild waves. 

Sam parks his Cherokee next to the family’s Suburban and shoots you an excited smile. “Ready for the chaos?”

“As I’ll ever be,” you scrunch your nose at him. 

The both of you pull yourselves from the car to collect your bags. The thick summer air soothes the goosebumps that formed from the air conditioning that Sam insisted on blasting. He claimed the AC barely worked at the lake house. 

“OI!” a voice rings from above you, disrupting the gentle call of some sparrows. Your eyes flick up to see the long haired twin  leaning dangerously over the railing of a balcony. 

“It’s about time you made it!” Jake spins around and heads back inside before either of you can answer. Your eyes trail from the balcony to take in the rest of the house. It’s a moderately sized cabin-esque looking building with sloping green roofs that match the color of the doors and window frames. The rustic vibe is a little cheesy and slightly outdated, but it’s welcoming. 

“Hi, Bug,” Jake grins when he emerges from the front door. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen you.”

 You think you can hear Sam grumbling about how that’s his nickname for you, but you ignore it. 

“C’mon inside. We saved a room for you two.” Jake takes the bag off your arm and offers a side hug, giving you a gentle squeeze. 

You flush at the thought of sharing a room and possibly a bed with Sam - you hadn’t considered that when you agreed to come along. His parents were pretty lenient but you figured you’d be sleeping on one of the couches. 

The house offers reprieve from the unforgiving sun. Despite being quite cold only minutes ago, you can feel a bead of sweat trickle down the back of your neck. The inside isn’t as cheesy as you thought it would be. There were picture frames hung up along the walls, displaying memories from previous trips. One of young Sam catches your eye and brings a small smile to your face. He’s submerged in the lake with a bright orange life jacket on that looks like it could strangle him at any moment, smiling widely with little gaps in his teeth. 

“We’re here!” Sam calls out and ventures towards the bedrooms. 

Just like clockwork, the shorter twin pops his head into the hallway. “This one is your room.” 

The three of you meander to the room Josh was currently in, only half wondering why he was in your room anyways. 

“Shut up!” Sam gasps and almost drops his bag, trying to think of something else to say but his mouth just hangs open. Out of the corner of your eyes you could see the twins beaming - not wanting to be left out, you poke your head into the room and see a lanky, curly haired man lounging across the queen sized mattress. 

“Hey, guys,” Danny says with a shit eating grin. “Heard you might have extra room.”

Finally over the shock of seeing his best friend, Sam turns to his brothers with confusion written all over his face.

“Mom and Dad didn’t come this year. They figured since we’re ‘all grown up’ that we’d want a week here alone. We coordinated the Danny part just because it was fun,” Jake speaks nonchalantly. 

Sam simply can’t contain his excitement any longer and bounces on his best friend, rambling on about how much fun they’re going to have.

“That was sweet of you guys,” you murmur to Jake, watching as his face twinges pink. He simply shrugs and sets your bags near the dresser. Once the enthusiasm calms a bit, the other three clear out of the room to let you and Sam unpack. Your eyes travel over to the queen sized bed over and over, worry settling deep into your chest.

You clear your throat. “I can take the couch if you want. Or I could see if maybe Danny wanted to switch rooms.”

Sam doesn’t even look up from putting his shirts into a drawer as he chuckles a bit. “Why would you do that?”

Your face scrunches in embarrassment. You’re not sure why you’re embarrassed about this discussion. It’s just Sam. Just your best friend who you are hopelessly falling for and now have to share a bed with. Not a big deal at all.

“Just wanted to give you options, that’s all,” you say a little too defensively, praying that he couldn’t see the pink blush starting to cover your face. 

“I think you’re trying to get away from me. I can’t stop you from taking the couch, but I promise I really don’t mind if you sleep with me. In fact, I think I’d like it if you joined me.” Sam flashes you a smile as he finishes unpacking. With that he walks out of the room, leaving you to internally panic about what his words could possibly imply. Was he just flirting with you? Or perhaps it was just your feelings muddying his statement.

Fingers tug on the hem of your shirt, startling you out of your panicked daze. It’s Jake inquiring if you’ll come out to swim with everyone since it’s ‘hot as balls outside.’ Not giving you an option to say no - or to even give him an answer, he makes his way over to the door and slams it shut. Rolling your eyes at the loud noise, you head over to your bags, silently thankful you brought your good bikini.  Lifting up your shirt in hopes of changing into the swimwear sooner than later, you found yourself being interrupted by someone clearing their throat. Startled by the intruder, you whip around at a lightning speed to find Sam and Danny casually standing in the doorway. 

“Don’t you guys know how to knock?” you huff out at the boys. 

“Sorry, we didn’t expect you to be changing already. Sammy boy just needs to grab his trunks,” Danny speaks softly, shooting you an apologetic smile as he makes his way into the room sitting down on the bed. Sam, on the other hand, seemed to be frozen in his spot. Geez, what is up with him today. 

“You going to come in or are you going to keep standing there like a creep?” Danny chuckles out at Sam. It worked. You watch Sam as he keeps his eyes on the floor, heading over to the dresser, reaching in one of the drawers and pulling out his favorite pair of red bottoms. 

“I…Sorry. C’mon Danny. Let’s go downstairs.” Sam ignores your eye contact and walks over to the long haired curly man sitting on the bed, pulling him by his shirt sleeve over to the door and making sure to close it. 

Deciding not to think about the way Sam was acting, you quickly change into the baby blue and white floral print bikini. Standing in front of the mirror, you take a second to study your reflection. This swimsuit was new and if you were being honest with yourself, you were absolutely terrified to bring it at first. After all, this was supposed to be a ‘family trip’ and you didn’t want to have Sam’s parents look at you in an ill mannered light. Why would they? Oh, I don’t know. Maybe it’s the fact your boobs were practically spilling out of the cups and the bottoms are leaving little to the imagination. 

You couldn’t help but to have some insecurities cross your mind when you thought about if Sam would like this specific suit on you. Sure, you’ve been around him countless times in the water, but you always wore a one piece. After graduating high school, you felt yourself trying to be a little more bold in your outfit choices. Not to mention that Sam always likes his girls to be on the skinnier side and you just so happened to be a little bit more curvy.  Fuck it, what do you have to lose. You trot down the stairs, slowly building up more and more courage to walk out to the lake where you could see the four boys splashing around through the window.  

“Ooh mama! Looking good!” Josh yells as you approach the lake, making the other  three boys turn around to take a glance at your form.  

Their watchful eyes make you feel bashful, especially after Sam’s weird reaction in the bedroom. You try to fight the urge to cover your body up but it’s slowly winning. Every dip, bump, and stretch mark suddenly feels like a neon sign that reads, ‘Look at me! I’m insecure!’. Feeling defeated, you grab your towel and begin to wrap it around your torso as walk slowly to the beach.

The sun’s rays are vicious. Sweat is already beading at your brow and the tops of your shoulders feel hot. A small breeze ripples through the trees and gently caresses over your heating skin, giving slight relief. 

“Put your towel down! Get in!” Danny calls out as he splashes water at an unsuspecting Jake. This earns him a punch to the shoulder and a small grumble.

You hesitate, insecurities still running wildly through your mind. What if they laughed at you? What if Sam was disgusted by your flaws? You knew you wouldn’t be able to handle that. 

“Hey, let me see you,” Josh encourages. “I’ve never seen that bathing suit on you before. Is it new? Do a little twirl for me!”

“It’s just a bathing suit,” Sam bites at his older brother. This makes you clutch your towel tighter to your body and cast your eyes to the sand. You knew it. Sam thinks you look hideous. 

Watching the boys in front of you - you couldn’t possibly think of actually going into the water and exposing yourself to them. You know that Sam takes after his older brothers when it comes to finding his type in women. 

Plopping down into the grass and giggling to yourself, you watch as Josh rolls his eyes and smacks the back of his younger brother’s head.

Trudging through the shallow water in your direction, he lifts his chin as a beckoning gesture. “C’mon, Bug. Get in the water.” Your knuckles were practically white from how hard you were gripping the towel now that Josh was stalking through the sand.

“Josh, I don’t feel like it.” 

“I will carry you in there if I have to.” 

“You and I both know that’s not a possibility,” you spit out at him, trying not to let your insecurities show. Instead of replying, Josh moves even closer to you and starts looking like he was trying to figure out where to place his hands to hoist you up. 

“No. No. No. Stop right there,” you protest. 

“Relax. I’m not going to hurt you. Just come into the water.” Josh looks to you with pleading eyes. Fuck those, baby cow eyes get you everytime. Reluctantly nodding your head, you get up - but not without making sure the only thing keeping your sanity was wrapped around you securely. 

“You won’t need that in the water,” Josh hums at you as he takes your hand in his, leading you over to the dock. 

“I know. I just want to leave it on the dock.” He looks like he doesn’t want to believe you at first, eyeing you suspiciously, but ultimately choosing to drop the issue at hand. 

While you’re distracted with Josh, Sam’s eyes are glued to the two of you. What the hell is he doing? Why are his hands on her like that? Sam didn’t care that you were friendly with his brothers. He actually loves that you get along with them, but his fear was steadily coming to fruition. You were his person and his brothers seemed to have no problem robbing you from him just as they did with Daniel. 

As he watches you sit on the edge of the dock he hopes and prays you’ll look at him, but only sees your eyes follow Josh’s form into the water. His chest tightens when Josh grabs your legs. “What are you doing?” you panic slightly. The older twin simply gives you his widest smile before pulling you into the depths. 

The lake is colder than you expect it to be and it shocks the air from your lungs. It’s a good few seconds before you can let out a screech at Josh. He clutches you tightly to him, not caring that you’re desperately grabbing at the sopping fabric of your security blanket as it drifts away with each of his movements. “See? Not that bad, huh?”

He was right. Being submerged covered you in a way and it felt nice to cool off. “Okay,” you break. “It’s not horrible, but you’re a real dick for pulling me in.”

Sam can’t stand seeing his older brother’s hands on you. They way they hold you so delicately. It feels far too intimate to Sam. There’s this horrible clawing in his stomach that pulls him to the shore and up to a grassy area, listening to your giggles as you splash around. Having fun without him.

Your eyes finally drift over to Sam when you notice him get out. Water droplets cascade over his tan skin like rivulets and his thin frame is stretched out to soak up the sun. He’s completely in his element. You think he looks most beautiful like this. Sam has always loved nature - he begs you to come on mini hikes that turn into impromptu picnics of trail mix and granola bars, long trips to the beach where you spend your day swimming and kayaking, hell, he even loves it if you just come lay in his hammock with him.

“Alright! Me and Danny will be partners, so that leaves you and Josh,” Jake declares. You tear your eyes from your best friend and look to his older brother - that honestly could be his twin - to give him a questioning look. Jake rolls his eyes. “I just said we’re playing chicken.” 

The insecurities begin to creep back into your mind and you quickly glance to the sunbather only feet away. 

“Stop that,” Josh murmurs. “Climb on my shoulders. I’ll swim under water.” You don’t know how he knows what you’re thinking, but you don’t have too much time to question it before he’s swimming between your legs and hoisting you into the air. The curly one lets out a warm chuckle as he hears the shriek leaving your lips. You think you see Sam start to sit up as he sees his older brother securing his hands around your thighs even more- claiming it had something to do with ‘safety’. 

“She’ll need all the safety she can get,” Danny teases. “Jake and I are gonna kick your asses!” “Are you sure about that? What if we have a plan?” You grip onto Josh’s hair, knowing you don’t have a plan. You just hope it’s something easy to go with. “Like a sneak attack! Get them!”

Josh lurches forward and your hands fly up to push at Jake’s taut shoulders. Surprisingly, his spontaneous plan does work and you manage to knock the opposing team over. Unsurprisingly, this lights a fire inside of Jake. The next half hour is constant games of chicken, switching teams, hitting the water a little too hard, but still no Sam. One final stinging slap against the small waves does you in. You put up your white flag and head to the beach, fingers and toes beyond pruny anyways.

“Decided to come join me?” The brunet sunbather mumbles as he senses your presence - eyes still closed.  

“How’d you know it was me?” 

“I always know when you're around.” 

“Uh-huh. Sure,” you mock him. 

“Peter Parker has spidey senses and me? I have y/n senses.” Your best friend sits up, grabbing your hand and giving you a little tug. It seems like he was trying to get you to lay down with him, but you weren’t budging, the insecurities creeping back in. Sure, you’ve laid down next to Sam before, but that was then and this is now. Something about the air in between you two feels different. The only problem was that you weren’t sure if it was good or bad. 

You try to pull your hand from his soft grip. “I’m gonna go grab another towel.” 

“There’s room on mine,” he replies, wiggling his eyebrows. 

“No there’s not.”

Sam wasn’t going to waste another moment. He needed to stake his claim in front of his older brothers, you’re his. Suddenly you feel the air leaving your lungs as you’re pulled downwards. Expecting to hit the ground, instead you are met with a soft groan and the feeling of hot skin. 

“See? There’s room.” Opening your eyes from the sudden impact, you’re face to face with a tan chest. Slowly lifting your gaze, you see Sam with his eyes shut, smiling sheepishly at you. 

“Sam, I’m on top of you.” 

“I know, I like you like this.” Peeking an eye open, Sam was met with the visual of your mouth parted in shock, trying to find the right words to say. He could see the gears turning in your head. You felt the boy beneath you taking a deep sigh before parting his lips. 

“Bug…don’t act so shocked.”

“Sam, just let me go please,” you try pleading with the man.

“No, I’ve been wanting to talk to you about this….and now seems like the perfect moment.” 

Trying to move yourself into a sitting position, you’re met with failure as sunkissed arms wrap around your back tighter, holding your body close to his. You could feel your chest getting tighter as the nerves course through you. He has no idea what kind of effect this is having on you and you really don’t want him to find out.

“Awww look at the love birds.” Of course Jake would have to ruin a moment like this.

“Yeah right,” Danny snorts. You hated to admit it, but that single laugh alone had you ready to cry. 

“Shut up guys. You know it’s not like that,” you mumble, pulling yourself out of Sam's embrace. You swear that you see Sam’s eyes glaze over with hurt, but that quickly disappears with him chuckling and smiling. 

“I’m hungry,” Jake whines, rubbing his stomach - looking over at his twin slowly making his way over to the group.  

“That sounds like a you problem,” Sam grumbles as he sits up. What is up with his attitude today? 

“No, it's Bug’s problem.” Jake makes a move towards you to grab your hand and hoist you up, but is stopped by his younger brother swatting his hands away. Josh and Danny let out eerie chuckles trying to ease the awkward tension that was forming. 

“How is it my problem?” 

“Cause I want one of your grilled cheeses.” 

“I told you the re-“

“Zip it.” Jake grabs your arm, pulling you to your feet. “We can’t have Sammy knowing that I’m the only person you trust with the recipe. Think about how jealous he’ll get.” 

The two of you start towards the house. “You know he heard that right?” You whisper to Jake as he loops his arm into yours.

“Don’t worry. I know what I’m doing, Bug. Trust me,” Jake winks at you. 

You grip his arm tighter and don’t speak until you’re in the safety of the kitchen. You find that Sam was right, the AC doesn’t work very well in this cabin. 

“Alright, spit it out,” Jake says, not bothering to look at you while he grabs the ingredients. “I can see it all over your face.”

Other than Sam, you were the closest with Jake. When he was younger he was very quiet and wasn’t in your face like Josh was and you found comfort in that. He made you feel comfortable. That meant you could tell him the things you couldn’t tell Sam. As your feelings for Sam grew, Jake could see past your little unbothered facade. He’s been there through every up and down.

“I don’t know,” you groan and plop into a chair. “He’s just being so weird. One minute he’s normal and happy, then the next he’s moody and avoiding everyone. And don’t think I didn’t notice that you purposefully put Sam and I in the room with one bed. You’re setting me up.”

He laughs and flits about the kitchen preparing the meal for everyone. “I thought you’d appreciate that. You could always share with me.”

Flipping him the bird didn’t feel like it would be enough, so you throw a random pair of socks that you see balled up on the floor at his head. He ducks and lets a belly laugh fill the room. “Come on, y/n. It won’t be that bad. I really was just trying to help you out. How about this,” he sets an old, worn spatula on the counter and approaches you. “I’ll help you this week. We’ll get Sam to notice you the way you want him to.”

You eye his outstretched hand. This could potentially end your friendship with Sam if it goes badly, but you decide you couldn’t pretend much longer. So you grasp Jake’s calloused hand, putting all of your trust into this shake. “Deal.”

———————-

After some much needed food and a couple of beers, the boys decide that it would be a good time for them to go down to the pier and do some fishing. You opt to read the book that’s been sitting in your bag forever, figuring you could sit on the front porch so you have a perfect view of the boys on the dock. ‘Life can’t get better than this,’ you think and let out a big sigh. The buttery beams of the sun wash over you, bringing the feeling of sleepiness that you knew oh so well. Hours must’ve passed, you found yourself waking up to the feeling of someone trying to pry the book out of your hands. 

“A Court of Roses and Thorns? I didn’t know you read fantasy,” Sam smiles in small victory when he peels the book away from you, closing it and moving it to the table beside the chair. 

“I know, I usually read nonfiction but I’m trying something new. Don’t hate,” you mumble to him as you slowly stand up from the chair, stretching out your back in the process. 

“Hate on you? I could never,” Sam whispers. It was almost as if he was terrified of you hearing the little confession that left his parted lips. 

“How long have I been out?” 

“Well, considering it’s dark now, I’m gonna say about a few hours.” You look the boy over and see that he put his hair back into a low bun. You were always a sucker for that hairstyle. You take advantage of Sam being quiet and study his face some more. He looks good. It was only day one of this vacation and the sun gave him a kissable tan. You weren’t sure how you’d be able to survive the rest of the six. 

“So...what do you think about a movie night?” Sam suggests, throwing you a side smirk when he notices that you were checking him out. You silently thank god that it’s dark out, you didn’t want Sam to see how flushed your cheeks are. 

“With your brothers?” 

“No. Just you and me. Jake said he wants to have a bonfire,” he points towards the direction of the small pit that sits in the middle of some thoughtfully placed chairs. 

“I mean, sure. Yeah, we can do that.” 

A loud voice nearly has you jumping out of your skin. “Nope. Nada. Not happening. You have to be joking with us. I don’t want to be an uncle yet,” Jake bursts through the door of the cabin, protesting the movie night idea. Casting a glance over to Sam you see him rolling his eyes. You could tell he was starting to get fed up with his brothers interrupting everything. 

“Jake, c’mon. It’s gonna be so comfy inside. Can’t I join you guys tomorrow?” You ask the man, with a little bit of confusion lacing your voice. He was supposed to be helping push you and Sam together, not keep you two separated.  He gives you a look that lets you know you won’t be winning that battle, so you let the older man drag you over to the pit where the other two boys were standing. Looking over your shoulder, you could see Sam trudging behind you, obviously not wanting to participate tonight. Maybe he was hoping just to have alone time with you. 

“Bug, we’ll make you a weiner!” 

“Josh, I don’t want a hot dog right now.” Your body betrays you by letting out possibly the loudest stomach growl the group had ever heard. 

“Clearly that’s a lie. Plus, we know how much you love sticking them in your mouth,” Danny tries to speak in between laughs. You could tell that he’s proud of himself for that joke. 

“Relax, Sammy boy, no one’s gonna try to steal your girlfriend,” Jake teases as he slaps his back, trying to change his little brother’s mood. Based on what you could see through the flames of the fire, Sam’s face was red - beaming with frustration. 

Sam seems to ignore his brother’s ‘girlfriend’ comment as he sits down in the seat directly across from yours, separated by the fire. Jake plops himself into the chair next to you, mysteriously pulling out an acoustic guitar. 

“Where’d you get that?” you nod towards the guitar.

“Darling, I’m full of tricks,” Jake shoots you a wink, absentmindedly strumming the guitar. Looking around, you notice there was a black guitar case lined with a maroon velvet laying on the ground - instantly feeling dumb for asking him where got the acoustic from. If anyone knows Jake, then they always know there’s bound to be a guitar somewhere around him. Sure he was in college for business, but everyone knows being in a band was his true dream. 

“Jake you gonna play us Wonderwall? Or tell us all about how you’re meant to be a rockstar?” Sam snickers at his brother. What has gotten into him today. 

Sam was truly fed up with his brothers. Especially Jake. Every fear he ever had about bringing you to the lake had happened. Why couldn’t they just let him have something good for once? Sam had fully been planning on telling you about his feelings at multiple points in the day. He even made it obvious that he was being serious, but no one cared. 

Looking across the flames, you sat in awe of your best friend. A pain forms in your chest as you think back to a certain night sophomore year where you were sat in the same position. 

“Wooooo!” 

“Sam, stop yelling! You’re gonna get us in trouble.” 

“C’mon, Bug! Live a little,” Sam slurred at you, slinging his arm around your shoulder. He was drunk off the bourbon that his older brother just had to provide him with because it was ‘homecoming’. You rolled your eyes every time Jake said that. Maybe it was something that your parents engraved into your brain. God, you could hear the lecture from them already. Bitching at you for letting yourself be surrounded by ‘drunken idiots’.

You weren’t positive about the exact moment you started to like Sam, but one thing was for certain. This year you realized you were in love with him. It happened in between all the study dates, the late night texts and the random phone calls to see what you were up to.  

But tonight? Tonight felt different. Granted, you guys were each other's dates to homecoming, but something just felt different. You couldn’t quite place what the emotion was. Maybe it had to do with the way you two slow danced tonight - your arms placed delicately around his neck, while his hands were wrapped around your waist, pulling you close. His toffee colored eyes staring into yours-giving you soft smiles all night, not to mention all the little touches and forehead kisses. 

Your mind kept wandering back to those moments as you looked up at the man, watching the soft orange glow flicker across his face. His eyes were closed and he was starting to sway, you knew what this meant - you had approximately five minutes to get him up to bed or someone would have to carry him up there. You look around to see if there was anybody sober enough to help you get the lanky boy up the steps with no avail. 

“C’mon, Sammy. Let’s get you to bed.”

“Bug, are you trying to seduce me right now?” Rolling your eyes, you let out a huff as the tall boy leaned more of his weight onto you, trusting that you would be able to get him upside and to bed safely. 

“Sam, I know you're plastered, but you’ve gotta help me out here.” 

“I always help you out. You’re my girl.” 

You knew better than to believe his words, after all he was drunk and just rambling. Hearing the words ‘my girl’  was your downfall. You hated the way it made you blush. You silently thank god that you were able to make it into his room in one piece. After plopping the boy down onto the twin mattress, you were wondering how on earth you were going to get this boy changed. Finding a pair of sweats and grabbing a loose shirt, you turned around to find Sam standing in front of the bed. 

“I thought I told you to stay on the bed.” 

“Ooo. Bossy. I like it.” You knew he was a lot to deal with when he was drunk, but this was new. 

“I’m not being bossy. I just want you to go to bed. I’m tired.” 

“I don’t want to go to bed.”

“And why’s that?” You replied back, mocking the way he was whining. 

“Cause you’re not gonna be here for me to cuddle.” 

“Sam. Stop. You don’t mean that.” 

“I do mean it,” Sam responded, stomping his foot like a two year old having a tantrum in the middle of a grocery store. 

“No you don’t.”

“Stop telling me what I think,” he demands.

“Sammy, I know you. You don’t mean it. I’m not the girl you go for. Just please go to bed.” Your heart is aching with every word you speak.

“You can’t see it?”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’ve had a thing for you for the past two years.”

“No you haven’t,” you scoff. As much as you wanted to believe him, you just couldn’t. 

“Yes I have,” he insists. “Why don’t you believe me?”

“Sam, look at you and then look at me. We don’t go together.” Your arms were crossed and your eyes found purchase on anything but him. His gaze never let up.

“Bug, you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.” 

“Please stop.” You could feel your breath slowly leaving your body as the young boy made his way to stand in front of you, placing a finger under your chin tilting your head up - silently begging for you to make eye contact with him. 

“I wish you could see yourself the way I see you,” Sam whispered as he licked his lips. He leaves your eye contact briefly to look at your lips and then looks back into your eyes. Closing your eyes trying to find the right words to say - you were interrupted when you felt a pair of chapped lips meeting your soft ones. 

Not believing what was happening,  you opened up your eyes, only to be met with the sight of Sam’s eyes still closed focused on the task at hand. Closing your eyes, you could feel yourself melting into the kiss and slowly kissing the boy back. Sam could finally feel you relaxing into him - taking it as a sign to wrap his arms around your waist, pulling you in closer, running his hands through your hair. Not pulling or tugging, he was just holding you there. 

Sam shoved you away when he heard the wooden bedroom door being opened and slammed against the beige wall. Looking over at the intruder, you could feel your chest tighten up again when you saw that it was Sam’s other best friend. 

“Did I interrupt something?” Danny quizzed the couple in front of him, noticing the swollen lips and rustled dress shirt. 

“Nope,” Sam replied nonchalantly.

 After going to the bathroom that night, you decided to crash out in the boys basement, not being able to find it in yourself to face Danny after he walked in on the tender moment in between best friends. Waking up the morning afterwards, it took a couple of minutes for the realization of what happened- Sammy kissed you. Not only that, but he told you that you were the most beautiful person he ever saw. How were you supposed to address this situation with him?

Part of you wanted to run for the mountains and never face him again. Realistically you probably could live off the grid - but that would never happen, your parents would forbid it. Deciding that you needed to just talk to him, to figure out where you guys stood, you found yourself climbing up the steps of the quiet house. Placing your hand on the doorknob to turn it, you stopped yourself upon hearing muffled voices on the other side of the door. 

“So you kissed y/n last night?”

“Dude. I fucked up.” 

“But I thought you liked her?”

“Y/n? No, I think it was just the alcohol talking.” You could feel your heart breaking in two as you registered the words being spoken. 

“How are you gonna fix this?” 

“I just gotta tell her that it was a mistake. It meant nothing. I regret it.” 

If only you could be in the room and see the raven haired boy shaking his head at the lanky haired man laying on his bed hungover. 

The sudden feeling of a warm hand squeezing your knee brought you back to reality. Following up the arm of the man touching you - you were met with Jake’s coffee irises giving you the same sad sympathy look  he had given you the morning after the kiss.  You didn’t mean for any of Sam’s brothers to get involved with your relationship with him, but it just happened. After hearing Sam say the word ‘regret’, you ran outside onto the back porch in hopes of calming yourself down. 

Instead you were met with Jake smoking a cigarette and asking if you wanted to talk about it. Did you want to talk about it? It just so happens that your brain was telling you not to, while your heart had the opposite. You needed someone just to listen to you and the mysterious twin just happened to be there. That was the moment you and Jake became close. He held you as you cried - repeatedly telling you that his brother was a ‘fucking idiot’ and ‘if he doesn’t see how amazing you are, fuck him’. 

After that much needed pep talk from Jake, you pushed your feelings deep down inside and kept things as normal as you could with Sam. Meanwhile you and Jake were growing closer, but it was nothing in comparison with his little brother - the only issue is, Sam doesn’t know that. You were unaware of the fact that there were countless times the boys had been fighting over you. Well, more like it was Sam screaming at his  brother to leave you alone and to stop trying to ‘fuck you’. Jake would just look at him and give him a little smirk that would just push Sam over the edge. 

Jake moved his hand from your knee as a twig snaps in the dense woods just feet away from the group. Everyone’s attention is focused on the sound and you could feel your heart rate pick up. “What was that?”

“Probably just a deer,” Sam mutters as he peers into the darkness of the foliage. 

“What if it’s that killer?” Danny says all too casually. Your palms begin to sweat and you shoot him a death glare, challenging him to tell a cruel joke again. 

“What, you didn’t hear about it? It was on every local radio station around here.”

Sam meets your eyes then looks back to Danny. “No, we didn’t listen to the radio on the way here. I had my road trip playlist going.”

“You know how he is. ‘The radio is too mainstream,’” you roll your eyes, quoting Sam perfectly. 

Josh’s grin almost makes it seem like he could be the killer. “Oh, so you really don’t know then, huh? Well, when we got here we heard that there were several dead bodies found in the woods and the lake. They’d all been murdered.”

Your skin begins to crawl. You had just swam in that lake. The woods that once felt so serene now seem dark and foreboding. Like something was lurking, waiting for the right time to slip through the darkness and into the house of some poor, unsuspecting vacationers. 

“That’s not funny,” you mumble. 

Josh’s head snaps to you, looking near evil. “No, it isn’t. Not funny at all.”

“Cut the shit, Josh,” Jake scoffs. “Josh is just being a dickhead, but they are telling the truth. There were bodies found around here and they never found the killer.”

“What do you mean they never found the killer?” The hairs on the back of your neck standing up as you felt like something or someone was watching you through the trees. 

“Guys, knock it off. You’re scaring her,” Sam orders and moves his chair to sit next to you. “Hey, they’re just being douchebags. There’s nothing to worry about.” 

“All jokes aside, the story itself is true.  They never found the killer.. Rumor has it, one lady was slaughtered. Completely butchered. I guess the killer left a blood trail, the cops followed it into the woods. It stopped after twenty feet….whoever it is….they know how to hide. There really were bodies found around here, about three miles north.  But, I doubt anything will happen to us. He probably left town. Well, I’m hoping he did,” Danny attempts to comfort. 

“Danny,” Sam reprimands.

While you’re appreciative of Danny’s efforts, your stomach is queasy with fear. You don’t feel happy and carefree anymore. The moon shining down on the lake isn’t comforting like it once was, it’s ominous and holds secrets. The blowing wind seems like small whispers filled with said secrets.

“Can we go inside?” you ask quietly, eyes frantically scanning your surroundings. Feeling a hand cover your own, you recognize it immediately as Sam’s based on the way a crooked pinky finger is grazing against your own. 

“Hey, it’s okay. We can go in,” Sam murmurs as he laces your fingers together. It doesn’t take more than a small tug to get you out of your seat and heading towards the house. The rest of the guys decide to join you, hastily cleaning up their mess.

“Now you two can have that movie night,” Jake ribs. “We’ll be joining you, though.”

Josh immediately launches into a list of movie suggestions, but you can’t find it in you to care. Between the scare of the murders and the jumble of feelings for Sammy, you just needed to stare mindlessly at a screen for a while. 

The boys settle on the movie Psycho. You’re not sure if they’re intentionally trying to be dicks or not, but your mind is too busy to scold them. After gnawing on the skin of your thumb for a solid fifteen minutes, Sam slings his arm around your tense shoulders. The room is dark save for the glow of the tv screen and lamp that was hardly ever turned off, everyone is quiet. It could’ve been one of those world stopping moments you had with Sam whenever he danced along the boundary of friendship and maybe something more. The atmosphere was all wrong though. With the tension in the air and Jake’s worried eyes glancing at you periodically, there was no way you could indulge in this sweet moment.

Halfway through the movie, Jake stands abruptly. “I don’t remember if I put the fire out.”

“It’s been long enough. It probably went out by itself,” Josh mumbles, almost entirely distracted by the movie. 

“Do you really want to be responsible for a forest fire that could kill all of us? I’m going to check.” 

He moves through the living room and grabs his pack of cigarettes before breezing through the door. Your gut twists at the thought of Jake going out there alone. What if that killer was still around? 

You know you’re probably overreacting, but the sinking feeling in your chest wouldn’t let up, so you start to pull from Sam’s grasp. He only wraps around you tighter, shooting you a half smile.

“I wanna go with Jake,” you whisper, trying not to disturb the other two boys.

Sam’s full brows furrow, grasp still not letting up. “Why? He’s fine out there. We can see him through the window so we’ll know if something happens.” Standing your ground with a pointed look, the boy sighs and rubs your arm. “I would really like it if you would stay with me. I’ve missed you today.”

Oh. Your resolve melts a bit at his statement, some warmth returning to your heart. The puppy dog eyes he’s giving you are absolutely killer. How could you deny him? You sink back into your spot, safely tucked into his side and decide that Jake could wait until the movie was over. After all, you were being a little ridiculous about all of this. 

But when the movie is over, Jake is no longer in sight. Anxiety nearly consumes you as you lift from the creaky old couch and press your nose against the dusty pane of the window closest to you. “Guys? Why isn’t Jake back? Why can’t I see him?” 

Josh groans as he stretches out, foolishly opting to take a seat on the hardwood floor for the entire length of the film. “You know Jake. He’s probably off on one of his late night excursions.” The eldest joins your side after a moment, brown eyes scanning the darkness. “Look, he’s right there at the dock.”

There is a silhouette standing along the edge of the water at the beginning of the dock. It was far enough away that you couldn’t see any features, but the outline was there. You strain your eyes looking at the form. Was that Jake? You couldn’t tell.

“Are you sure?” you worry. “How do you know?” 

Josh claps you on the back, an amused smile gracing his youthful face. “I’m his twin. I think I could pick him out of a crowd of probably like, a thousand.”

“Let’s go to bed, okay? You’ll see Jake in the morning.” Sammy comes up behind you wrapping his arms around your midsection pulling you away from the window and towards the stairs. 

“None of you guys are going to check on him?” You ask them, trying not to be annoying but you just can’t shake this unsettling feeling in your gut. 

“Bug, he’ll be okay. Besides, we have this cool thing called twin telepathy. I know when something is wrong,” Josh tries to reassure you. 

“Y/n. He’ll be coming in at any minute. He’s gotta help me with the kayak’s tomorrow and you know he hates getting up early.” You took a deep breath continuing your journey up the stairs, trying to have faith in Danny’s sentence. Maybe I’m overthinking this. Deep Breaths y/n. 

Sam left you in the bedroom alone for a total of five minutes to change before you found yourself calling out for him frantically - you’ve never heard the man move faster. At lightning speed Sam came crashing through the door searching for your figure. Nestled into the wall closest to the window, the boy could see your hands shaking uncontrollably. Stalking his way over to you, wrapping you up in his arms, whispering ‘you’re okay’ into your hair. 

“S…Sam. There’s something in the woods over there,” you tremble into his chest, shifting all your body weight onto him, seeking as much comfort as you possibly could. 

“Bug, there’s nothing out there.” 

“Yes there is! I just saw the bushes move. There’s something out there watching us.”  

“Y/n it’s pro-”

“Don’t tell me that it’s just a deer. It’s the killer Sam. I know it is,”  you cut Sam off desperately. To be fair, your intuition never lied to you when it came to things like this.  “We need to leave now.”

“Look at me.” He didn’t give you a chance to object as he put his fingers under your chin, firmly tilting your head up. “I will not let anything happen to you. Okay? I’m gonna kill the guys. They shouldn’t have said anything.”

“Well, I’m glad they did. Sam I'm not crazy, there’s someone watching us.” Your gaze returns to the forest. You know you saw something. You hadn’t imagined things like this before after hearing your fair share of campfire ghost stories. There was something different about this time. Something sinister. “Let’s go to bed okay? I think today’s just been long and we just need to sleep it off.” 

“Okay,” you sigh and feel his hands tugging you towards the bed as you keep looking out the window. Your intuition was screaming at you to get out of there as fast as you could. Crawling into bed, you opted for the spot closest to the door incase you needed a fast escape tonight. 

“Nuh-uh. Move over,” Sam grins, towering over your figure that’s already nestled into the sheets and slowly dozing off. 

“I’m comf-”

“Don’t even finish that sentence. Move it missy. I need to be by the door.” Sam starts pulling the comforter away from you, acting like he was about to sit on top of you in hopes that he would make you giggle. He knew your mind was racing about the possibility of the killer breaking into the lake house - he needed to try to take your mind off of it, even just a little bit. 

“Okay, okay. Bossy.” You find yourself starting to get nervous as the reality kicks in that Sam is laying next to you. Flinching as you feel his forearm rest against yours, you take it upon yourself to roll over onto your side, facing the wall. You couldn’t possibly bear to face him in such a moment that seemed as intimate as this. 

If you were facing him, you would’ve seen the way that he was staring at you, having a fight with his inner monologue that told him to roll over and pull you into him, but he was scared - scared that it would ruin the friendship although Sam knew that this was his moment. Now or never. Everytime that he tried to tell you how he felt, one of his brothers had to interrupt the moment.  Following his heart this time instead of his head, he pushes himself up against your back, throwing his arm over your midsection. Your eyes fly open at the action, you knew that you were going to be in close proximity - you just never expected this. 

“Relax,” Sam murmurs into your ear. Fuck maybe he felt me tensing. 

“I am.” 

“No you’re not. Just let me hold you for a minute.” 

“I’m going to go look for Jake,” you mumble, moving his arm off of you. Trying to find an excuse to get away from him. Thinking about how he must’ve drank in those five minutes you were parted, there was no way Sam was sober and speaking to you like this. Finally succeeding and moving his arm, you sit up, getting ready to crawl out of bed when you hear Sam letting out a groan behind you.

“Why are you so worried about Jake?” The boy explodes. Shocked by the sudden outburst, you turn around to find him sitting up, red in the face. He was pissed.

“Sam, he’s outside by himself.” 

“Bullshit.”

“Excuse me?” At this point you were out of the bed making your way over to the dresser, looking for a sweatshirt to throw on before you went outside. 

“I said bullshit, y/n. Just tell me that you’re into my brother instead of leading me on.” 

“Instead of leading you on?” You whip around to face him, hands trembling from the confrontation.

“Wow. Do you need a hearing aid or something? Do you know how obvious it is that you like Jake? The way you’ve been hanging all over him since sophomore year? You’re supposed to be the person that’s closest to me, yet you still decide to go after my big brother. Newsflash, y/n, he’ll fuck you and leave!”

Sam’s posture is rigid, face and bare chest flushed with passion of the moment. You hate yourself for thinking he looks pretty.

“Sam, what are you talking about?” 

“You’re fucking unbelievable,” Sam spits out at you in a venom laced tone. 

“Me? Me? I’m the unbelievable one?”

“That’s what I just fucking said.” 

You scoff and tug your sweatshirt over your head. You can’t believe what he’s saying to you. He had the audacity to call you deaf, yet didn’t realize just how blind he truly is. 

“Tell me,” you seethe. “Tell me when I’ve been all over your brother, Samuel.”

He rattles off different instances, starting with sophomore year and how you suddenly grew close with Jake. He told you his perspective of those secret moments with the older Kiszka, not knowing you were actually lamenting over your own best friend. Sam suddenly grows quiet and his chest heaves. “I just wish I could be that person for you. I want that to be me. I have looked up to Jakey for so long - my entire life - and somehow I keep falling short. Even with you. I just want you to feel the same feelings I feel for you.”

Your lower lip trembles and your nails dig into the flesh of your palm. “Don’t,” you say through grit teeth. “Don’t say that to me. Especially when you regretted it so much last time.” 

His honey eyes that are darkened with distress flick from the comforter to look into yours, pink lips shaping into a small ‘o’. He stares at you for a moment before whispering, “You heard that?”  

“I had my hearing aids on that night.” 

“Y/n…I didn’t mean it.” 

“Please stay over there. Don’t come closer to me,” you plead with Sam as he gets out of bed and starts moving towards you. As much as you want the comfort of him holding you - you have to stand your ground and admit to him how much he destroyed you at that moment. 

“Please...just listen to me.”

“You’ve got two minutes,”  you bite, leaning back against the dresser and crossing your arms. 

“I was fifteen. I was scared, y/n. My brothers would tease me about you being my secret girlfriend all the time and I just- I don’t know, Bug. There’s no excuse for it. I don’t regret our kiss at all. If anything, I regret not coming to you the next day and kissing you again…this time sober.” 

You hate to admit it - your heart is aching as Sam expresses his feelings. Maybe this is the universe finally bringing us together. 

   “I came downstairs that morning looking for you. You know where I found you?” You shake your head at the man in front of you, trying to hold back tears as he makes his way slowly over. His large hands cup your face, gently rubbing his thumbs over your cheeks. 

“I saw you outside with Jake. He was holding you…something I should’ve been doing, not him. I got closer to the screen door and I realized you were sobbing into his chest. I thought you regretted the kiss. I figured the tears were because you didn’t want me the way I want you, so I just pretended that it never happened. I stood by on the sidelines, hiding how bad I wanted you, y/n.” 

“You want me?” You try blinking away the tears and Sam catches the single drop that rolls down your right cheek, gently wiping it away.

“Why wouldn’t I? I’ve been in love with you for the past two years. Thanks for noticing by the way.” Sam presses his forehead against yours, letting out a soft chuckle. 

“I’ve been in love with you too,” you whisper, looking into his honey irises. 

“God, we’re idiots.” 

Both of you softly laugh whilst staring at each other, trying to press this memory into your mind. You silently wish that you could see this look of love on his face everytime you close your eyelids. 

“Hey, Sam?” 

“Yes, bug?” 

“Kiss me.” Your heart is pounding, but not in the uncomfortable way it had been for the last hour. Any worries you had are thrown out the window. Your mind is enveloped with Sam’s presence, his scent. He consumes you.

“Well, if you insist.” You find yourself closing your eyes as Sam leans forward, finally capturing your lips in his. It was short and sweet - nothing less than electric.

Pulling away, you two start giggling uncontrollably. 

“Can’t believe we haven’t done that since we were fifteen,” he chortles and pulls you flush to his chest. His visage grows serious as he gazes down at you, strands of hair falling and framing his face. “I’m not gonna run away this time, I promise. This time I’ll show all of them that I love you and that you are mine.”

The electric feeling flows from your lips down to your toes at his confession. This situation didn’t feel real. “I believe you,” you whisper. “Now let’s go to bed.”

The two of you lay side by side, but quickly end up being wrapped in each other. You’re almost certain that you’re flying, floating through some dreamland that only your brain would cruelly make up. You’re terrified that you’ll come crashing to the ground and none of this will be real. But in the morning, he’s still there. His soft locks are splayed around him after having fallen out of his bun in the night. Supple lips are parted as gentle breaths escape him. He’s an angel. You decide you wouldn’t leave his side until he woke. This is the perfect time to admire him uninterrupted. 

“You know it’s rude to stare right?” You flush with embarrassment knowing that you just got caught in the act. 

“Sorry.” 

Sam grins, looking down at you laying on top of him with your face as red as a tomato. He loves watching you get flustered.“Why are you apologizing? I didn’t say I hate it.”  

“How’d you sleep?” you mumble as you tuck your head back into his chest, wrapping your arms around him and squeezing tight. You couldn’t believe that this is real. Sam is yours. 

“Really?”

“What?” 

“We’re doing small talk now?” Sam giggles. 

“I’m nervous. I don’t know what to say.” 

“Stop. It’s just me, Bug. I told you last night I'm not going anywhere.” 

You open your mouth to reply, but you’re cut off by the sound of pans hitting the floor and a loud ‘fuck!’ from the kitchen. Both of you laugh out loud at Josh’s exclamation.

“We should probably go down there.” You pull yourself from his arms and slowly make your way over to the door, pausing to look back at the god-like man in bed. “You coming?”

Sam moans out a small protest. “Why? We can stay here. We don’t need to interact with them.” 

“He’s gonna burn the house down without supervision. You can stay here, but I’ll be damned if we all die in a house fire,” you joke and head out of the bedroom. It’s only a few seconds before you hear the padding of feet behind you and a set of bony fingers rest on your hips. He presses a kiss to your hair and descends the creaky stairs.

“Morning,” Josh grins as he spreads out ingredients for a large breakfast. “Day two at Camp Kiszka! How are you feeling?”

You steal a glance at Sam, forcing back a secretive smile. “I’d say we’re feeling pretty good.”

Before Josh can even ask why, the screen door is slamming open. Danny rushes in, looking pale and frantic. That same dreadful feeling from last night returns and his expression sends shivers down your spine.

Sam steps forward. “Dan, what’s wrong?”

Danny stands there shaking and wide eyed then nearly chokes over his words. “J…Ja..”

“C’mon, Danny, spit it out!” Josh moves beside the six foot man, slapping him on the back.

“Jake’s dead.”

[dreamersbcll]

“Ink Blots”

for @krikeymate

2/4

��————————————————————————

May 30th, 2017

Dear Sam,

It’s strange. I don’t hate you anymore. I don’t really know if I did, but I don’t anymore.

A whole year and then some. You’re gone. I kept thinking you would come home and love me again. That front door never opened. I never felt your warmth creep back in.

It’s strange. The house is colder without you. I can never get warm. Even in the summer heat, I’m shivering. It’s like you took all the warmth and sun to wherever you went.

Mom isn’t really here anymore. She got a new job. She travels a lot. Don’t worry; she still drinks. And she still hits. But I don’t have to see her as much anymore.

Amber stays over a lot now. I mean, more than usual. It’s as if she can’t get enough of me. It’s weird having someone crave me. It’s been a while. A long while.

Even when you were here, you weren’t here. I guess it was those pills you took. You floated up and away, and I could never quite reach you.

I have to go. Amber wants to watch the sunset at Cedar Park.

Your sister, Tara.

——

July 4th, 2017

Dear Sam,

It’s the fourth of July. Do you remember when we used to call you Uncle Sam for fun? And you wore that stupid top hat and ridiculous striped shirt? Chad even gave you a fake white beard. Mindy took so many pictures. I still have them, if you’re wondering.

It was stupid. But it was fun. You always made me laugh. You always made me smile. This holiday is ridiculous and meaningless, but it’s another holiday you’re not here for.

I didn’t see the fireworks last year. I don’t think I'll see them this year. I can only imagine how the fireworks reflect in your eyes and how big you smile. You outshined the lights in the sky every time.

In hindsight, I should’ve told you that. I should’ve told you all the little things that I love about you. Like how you used to squeeze my hand three times every time we had a serious talk; or how you would kiss my head when I pretended to be asleep.

The little things. That’s all I have now.

I hope you enjoy the fireworks this year. They should be good.

Your little, little sister, Tara.

——

September 3rd, 2017

Dear Sammy,

I really need you. It’s my first day of high school. I’m fucking terrified. I need you, Sammy. I’m so scared.

What if they hurt me? What if they push me around? What if I raise my hand to talk and forget everything? Who is going to help me with homework and tests?

I’m so scared. I’m not ready for this.

Please send love.

Your baby sister, Tara.

——

November 1st, 2017

Dear Sam,

Sorry that I haven’t written in a while. The school has been challenging. I never realized how much I needed to pay attention. I get why you were so distant. Even though I was too much, high school was probably hard too.

I’m hungover. Amber threw a Halloween party. I dressed as Uncle Sam. And drank a lot. I don’t think I’ve ever been so sick in my life. I’m writing this letter from the bathroom floor.

I know you never wanted me to drink, and I never wanted to end up like Mom. But alcohol is so delightful. It turns the volume down and makes everything more manageable. I understand why you drank now. I feel stable.

I know once this hangover clears up, I’ll feel awful. But right now, on Amber’s bathroom floor, I think I will be okay. Nauseous, but okay.

When did you first get hungover?

From, Tara.

——

December 13th, 2018

Dear big sister,

Tomorrow is my birthday. I am turning fifteen.

Fifteen is the year you first got arrested. I remember that night well. Mom nearly put her fist through the living room china cabinet. You swore a lot and then slammed your door so hard that I cried.

Funny how time shakes out. I’m fifteen, too afraid to do anything in case you return. You do know you can come back, right?

If you don’t find what you’re looking for, or in case you get bored of running, you can come back. You always can.

Just, don’t wait forever. I don’t think I’ll make it much longer without you.

Can I say I love you? I do. I love you, Sam.

I hope you still love me.

Love, Tara.

——

January 1st, 2018

Dear Sam,

I miss you.

Love, Tara.

——

February 14th, 2018

Dear Sam,

It’s Valentine’s Day. You always hated that day. You hated the cheap cards and stupid chocolates. You always said it was just a holiday meant to sell cards.

I know your secret, though. I know you got me cards and gifts and candies so I would know I was loved. I should’ve done it back. I was just so delighted to know you cared. I was afraid to acknowledge that one day you would go, and I would have to buy my flowers.

Well. You did go much earlier than expected. Amber bought me flowers. Red roses. And she gave me a little card telling me how much she loved me.

It’s sweet. I love her too. She’s my best friend. But I’m not too fond of flowers. I like lilies.

Oh well. Beggars can’t be choosers.

I am sending love and cheesy hallmark cards, Tara.

——

April 26th, 2018

Dear Sam,

I hurt myself today. To see if I still feel.

It turns out I do. Just enough. The razor blade was sharper than I thought.

I’m not stupid, Sam. I saw the marks on your arms and legs. I know what a cigarette burn looks like. You were never kind to yourself. Why did you expect me to be kind to myself?

I don’t know what you were punishing yourself for. I don’t know why you felt that the final straw had to be deserting me.

Jesus Christ, Sam, can you not see how awful it’s been for me? How lonely and miserable am I? I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t function without you. I’m fucking lost.

It’s almost two years since you left. And I’m still right here in this gutted house, in that same lonely room. I yell at the sky, but God doesn’t listen. I hurt myself to try and reconcile with the fact that I push away every person I’ve ever loved. I write letters to someone who would never receive them.

It’s fucked up, Sam. What you did was fucked up.

Fuck you. Tara.

——

May 12th, 2018

Dear Sam,

You told me you loved me. Why did you go away?

Amber says I need to get over you. That two years means you’re never coming back. That you’ve moved on and you’ve found things that make you happier. Maybe so. But I thought the happiest thing in your life was me.

What the hell did I do?

Everybody around me keeps growing up, keeps finding new things. Mindy is the captain of the debate team. Chad is the only freshman to crack the football squad. Amber is the co-captain of the forensics team.

I’m still here. Alone. Waiting for you. Everyone tells me I need to move on, join clubs, and find new hobbies.

I can’t. And that’s your fault.

I hate you.

(Spoiler alert. I don’t. I fucking love you)

Please come home.

Love, Tara.

(Do you love me?)

[edge-oftheworld]

Luke Hemmings Is a Fountain of Existentialism on His New Single — And He Doesn’t Want to Turn It Off 

In an exclusive interview, the 5 Seconds of Summer singer tells Rolling Stone about "Shakes," planning for the future, and exploring childlike wonder on his upcoming solo project Boy, out April 26

BY LARISHA PAUL

MARCH 6, 2024

IT’S NOT OFTEN that Luke Hemmingsfinds himself on his own. For the better part of the past 12 years, the 27-year-old singer and songwriter has shared the stage with his three bandmates in 5 Seconds of Summer. The Australian pop-rock band has built its career around being a relentless touring act, playing to thousands-deep audiences on nearly back-to-back runs in support of five studio albums. Four years ago, when that cycle was interrupted for the first time, Hemmings retreated into himself. 

His first solo album, When Facing the Things We Turn Away From (2021), was a meditation on a decade’s worth of experiences he didn’t have time to process as they were happening. That kind of self-interrogation would continue as he sought to understand himself more deeply on an individual level, and recently, he realized he felt inklings of isolation while deeply immersed in crowds. He felt it while glancing out of car windows in Los Angeles, his home away from his native Sydney; touring the world with 5SOS; and walking the streets of New York, where he wrote most of his second solo project, Boy, out April 26.

“It has this loneliness and this yearning to be home again, but in different ways,” Hemmings tells Rolling Stone over Zoom from L.A. “I’m surrounded by people all the time. I’m in hotels and planes and playing shows and all this stuff, which obviously has great parts in that. But for some reason, I’ve found it more difficult to be on tour recently, just mentally and within myself as a person.” During those stretches of time away from home, the singer found himself transfixed on watching his world change in real time. “People are having kids, people are getting married — or they’re not and they’re stressed about it,” Hemmings, who is married to songwriter Sierra Deaton, explains. “Life starts happening whether you’re checking in or not.” 

“Shakes,” the first single from Boy, sifts through this sense of wonder. Reuniting with producer Sammy Witte (Harry Styles, SZA, Halsey), Hemmings moves through a haze of perspectives marked by different distortions of his own voice. Even when he’s alternating between narrator and protagonist — like when his yearning for comfort is interrupted by the whispered realization “the city tends to move on all the same” — it’s all still him. “Whenever I try and write from other perspectives, I’ll get across some things and some details will come in,” he says. “But then eventually, particularly with the nature of this as a solo thing, it always ends up being autobiographical to some extent. If I try and run from that, it always seems to catch up to me.” 

Here, Hemmings tells Rolling Stone about exploring existential, childlike wonder on Boy, challenging the boundaries of his anxiety while becoming more confident outside of 5SOS, and what he’s most excited about exploring musically and visually as a solo artist.

“Shakes” essentially being a love song is such a contrast to When Facing the Things We Turn Away From, where you were mostly sitting with and interrogating these dark and complicated feelings. What made you want to lead with it? It initially started in New York as one of the earliest songs that was written for this. I was experimenting with writing from other people’s perspectives and observing. Almost in a Lost in Translation way, where you’re observing the world and real life seems a bit intense. That’s where the chorus came from. The chorus was written a year and a half ago, and then some of the verses were written two months ago. The story sort of changes, and it becomes this mix of different feelings because over those nine months since you wrote the first part, you’ve obviously lived even more. Songs take on new meanings even as you’re writing them, which was really cool to experience. It still has the feeling of the first album, but it is different and I wanted to lead with that, which I think is really a bit braver.

How did that inform your creative direction? Because it’s a short album, or a long EP — whatever way you look at it — I really wanted to make it [cohesive]. We went down to Bogota in Colombia and worked with a director there. There’s going to be a “Shakes” video, but there’s going to be other videos along with it. It’s all tied in together. I tried to do that on the first album and we did a good job, but I think on this one it feels like you’re getting lost in it a bit. It feels like more of an all-encompassing world, and I really was striving for that. Even before the songs were fully finished, we had a good idea of what they felt like and I made a big deck of my references, which pulled from all different places. It was a lot of Lost in Translation and Paris, Texas — things where, obviously, I’m the protagonist, but the background is also a star in it. The landscape is very much a part of it.

Your first album emerged almost subconsciously from a time of stillness and reflection. What was it like exploring this new project more intentionally? I’ve been thinking about that a lot. When you write all these songs, you forget that you’ve got to relive it again and be like, “Why did I write these? What are they about? How did we get here?” And I think you’re right, that first album I didn’t really plan it to happen until it was like, “Oh, this is an album.” I really fell in love with having a different outlet, musically and emotionally. It was really fun this time to dive into the things that I loved about the first album and just expand on them. Even small moments like “A Beautiful Dream,” which was kind of an outlier on the first album.

With this new one, there’s an emotion I can tap into within myself to write songs for this project that I found really freeing, and I’ve understood way more about myself as a person from doing this. It has this loneliness and this yearning to be home again, but in different ways. I’m surrounded by people all the time. I’m in hotels and planes and playing shows and all this stuff, which obviously has great parts in that. But for some reason, I’ve found it more difficult to be on tour recently, just mentally and within myself as a person. I can still tap into that same emotion from the first album, but it seems more refined in a different way because it’s that same feeling, but in a new environment.

Was that a linear process for you, having to get something out on that first album in order to settle into the mindset of this one? Yeah, 100 percent. I think the first time, I needed to do that in general in my life — whether it was putting it out, or just making it. It just needed to happen because whatever was going on with me needed to be put into song form. It’s how I deal with things. I wouldn’t have put out this next batch of songs as a first album. I needed to ease into it. The first time was like: It needs to sound exactly like this, and it’s exactly these stories. This second batch of songs, “Shakes” included, is a bit more up for interpretation, which I really like because I’ve been leaning more towards artists that have songs and lyrics you can make your own story to. Obviously there’s moments that are very personal to me, and there’s stories that are mine, but I write them over different periods of time.

You’ve always seemed to be deeply protective of your relationship, keeping those really meaningful moments as insular as possible. What has your experience been navigating that public and private life balance? Me and Sierra are very, very private. Songs and the music I make are windows into moments in my life. If you’re looking to understand more of me, that’s definitely the way to do it. Because the band started so young and it was all very public, naturally now I’m such a homebody and such an introvert. Getting older, I understand more about myself and what makes me happy. I love the fact that the band and myself can put out music and people will listen to it. That’s such a blessing and a gift — playing big shows, and we can talk to you at Rolling Stone. I’m so thankful for that.

But I think I’ve just gotten better at setting boundaries for myself. I’m such an emotional person that anything anyone says, I really take to heart. So separating myself from that a little bit is super important. And Sierra is the same; it’s a big influence from her. We have our own little world. There’s moments where you let people learn, but we just protect some of it and keep some of it for ourselves. Some of my favorite artists are like that. It makes me a bit anxious to be sharing everything.

The first proper album you ever made,5 Seconds of Summer, came out almost 10 years ago. What do you remember about experiencing that process for the first time? When I think back to it now, it was like there was no overthinking at all. There was a buzz around the band, but we hadn’t put out an album yet. I didn’t really know what that meant, exactly — putting out an album and then going on tour. All these things were very new. It’s crazy that it’s been that long, but it feels — I mean, it feels like 10 years ago. It feels honestly like 20 years ago. I still come back to some of those songs now. We play them live and people are transported to another time. I remember it being so much fun. It’s fun now, but when you’re doing something for the first time, you’re sort of like, “I don’t know what’s going on right now.” It’s a really exciting time. I just remember being really naive and having lots of fun. As lame as that sounds, it was so childlike. There’s no jadedness yet or anything like that.

It’s jarring how fast that jaded feeling comes on and replaces that carefree feeling, especially being in your twenties now. I started writing this when I was just turning 27. And when you look around, you look at your friends and you’re looking at family or people around you and you’re like, “OK, shit’s getting real now.” People are having kids, people are getting married — or they’re not and they’re stressed about it. Life starts happening whether you’re checking in or not. It’s funny you bring that up because that’s such a big theme across the whole album.

Why was Boy the most succinct title to capture this particular record? It comes up a few times on a couple of songs. It’s existential, childlike wonder. It has that feeling to it of trying to understand the world around you and why I am the way I am. A lot of it is questioning, why do I feel like this? Why do I interact with the world like this and see it this way? I think there’s a certain point where you have to decide whether you’re going to face life or just stay in the place you are. Boy is a really lovely way to simplify that.

Is this self-interrogation providing you with comprehensive answers, or are you coming out on the other side with even more questions? I’m always gonna have questions about it. I don’t know if there will ever be an end to it, but it’s certainly getting a bit closer every day, every time I write about it, or as the years go on. The things that I was emotionally chasing after on the first album, I’ve held onto those. And then you have a couple of years of wisdom under your belt to look back and be like, OK, I’ve done this. I’ve emotionally worked through these things. You’re always self-analyzing your life and as a songwriter, unfortunately, that’s just the way my brain works.

You’ve been on two tours with 5SOS in the past two years, but you also played two solo headlining shows in 2023. How did those songs change for you once you were able to play them to an audience for the first time? Going into making new songs, I think it was really important to play the first album live to see: Do I like this? Can I do this on my own? So much of my … self-worth is a bit harsh, but so much of my character is attached to being in a band for so long. But I think inherently when you do something on your own, even if you’re still in the band, it still is like, “Can I do this?” So it’s just a hurdle to get over mentally.

It was so cool to see people singing the words back. In Covid, I wasn’t going out and doing things, so I was thinking, “Did people even like this?” Having that when you’re playing shows, it felt good. It made me more confident in making more music. I was like, there’s a space for this — for me to make more tunes in this project and expand on it. It made me more excited to see how far it could go in its own little world and its own little bubble of melancholy.

What do you remember thinking right before you walked out? I was very nervous. It’s so funny because I’ve played with the band so many shows, hundreds of shows. And it gets to a point, especially when you’re on a 100-date tour, where as soon as you get past the first couple shows, you’re not really nervous anymore. It’s still fun, but you’re not anxious or apprehensive or on your toes. You just are doing it. You’re onstage playing it. I’ve been trying to get better at this — because I’m such an inherently anxious person — doing things that are outside of my comfort zone. So that was a big hurdle to be like, “I’m really, really anxious for this, but I know after I do it, I’m gonna be so glad I did that.” As soon as a few songs went by I was like, OK, this is cool.

Instead of existing in silos, it feels more like you’re creating a universe where your own music and some of the sounds and content of the band’s music are in conversation with one another. Yeah, definitely. We’ve been a band for 12 years, which is so crazy. I was 15 when we started; now I’m 27. I know solo projects can be scary for fans of bands, but for me it’s the way that the band can live on forever. In my eyes, that’s the way I see it. And I encourage everyone else in the band to follow whatever they want to do — if they’re having time off, having a kid, mowing their lawn. Whatever makes you happy. I’m just always writing songs, and at this point in time, I feel like I have so much to express and so much to say. I just feel so lucky to be able to put these songs together and have people want to hear them.

[umichenginabroad]

Week 4: Midterms, Friends, Mallorca!

Hi everyone! Sorry this post is a little late as I had a crazy week so just had the chance to sit down and write this post.

Monday, we had our physics midterm which was open note, 10 multiple choice questions, and 10% of our grade. I scrambled in the morning to get my notes printed but figured it out just in time for our 9:00 am exam. The exam was not too difficult. After, we had a physics tutorial and then I wrote my history essay that was due at 9:00 pm. I procrastinated the essay but ended up finishing around 7:00 pm. That night, we went to student night at Dicey’s Garden Club and had a (too) fun time.

It was a struggle to get up Tuesday, but luckily we just had physics lecture and history lecture in the morning and a screening of the film Belfast that afternoon. The rest of the day was nothing too interesting, just laundry and planning upcoming trips.

Wednesday morning, I woke up early because my friend Kate from home flew in around 6:00 am! She arrived at UCD around 7:00 am and after getting ready we headed into town. We headed to breakfast and then explored Dublin. We were able to see the Book of Kells and The Long Room(most of the books are not there which was disappointing) at Trinity College as well as go into Saint Patricks Cathedral. We then shopped around and stopped in for Lunch before heading back to UCD for my lab. This lab was particularly challenging and long so we used the full three hours. After lab, I came back and got ready and we headed into town for dinner along with Sammy. We ate at Boeuf which was amazing steak, potatoes, and vegetables. After dinner, we met the rest of our friends in Temple Bar area and hopped around to different pubs until around 2:00 am. It was a wild but super fun night.

Thursday morning, Kate, Alex, and I got up early and ran to Blackrock for coffee and a quick bite to eat. We bused home and Alex and I headed to class while Kate took a nap and then exploded Dublin more. After class, Kate and I headed to the airport to catch a flight to Mallorca, Spain. Our flight got delayed so we didn’t arrive at the place we were staying in Magaluf until around 2:30 am. In Mallorca, we met up with my friend Jordyn who is studying in Madrid this summer and her friend Isa from her program. I was so excited to see Jordyn but exhausted from the long day of travel so we headed to bed.

Friday, we woke up, grabbed a croissant and coffee, and headed to Cala Cap Falcó via taxi where we relaxed, swam, and ate lunch. It was an amazing day and so good to relax by the ocean. It was difficult to find a taxi back so we ended up taking the bus which was easy to use and worked well. We got back and showered and headed into Palma to explore and for dinner. It was St John’s Day Saturday so there were festivities Friday night by the beach which were super cool/ The cathedral there was also gorgeous along with the palace and the restaurant was amazing. We got a taxi back and headed out to explore the night life in Magaluf. We had a fun night but had an early morning planned Saturday so didn’t stay out too late.

Saturday, around 9:30 we got picked up in a van to go to 3 of the best beaches on the island. It was also Jordyn’s birthday so I was so happy I got to spend the day with her. We first headed to Caló Des Moro, then Cala s’Almunia, and finally Cala Llombards. All three were absolutely beautiful and we were able to go cliff jumping, snorkeling, paddle boarding, and off a rope swing throughout the day. It was the perfect day and we had so much fun. We arrived back at our place and rested, got ready, and headed to dinner in Puerto Portals. The dinner was amazing and the restaurant was gorgeous. After dinner, we took a quick nap and then headed to BCM which was a huge club. We had a great night and ended up in bed around 5:00 am.

It was a struggle to get up the next morning, but we packed up, checked out, and headed to get brunch. The food was amazing(a common thing for this trip). Kate and I then said bye to Jordyn and Isa and we headed to the airport to catch our flight back to Dublin. We arrived back to UCD around 7:45 and headed into town to get some fish and chips. They were amazing and along with our lack of sleep immediately sent us into a food coma. We got back to UCD and headed to sleep immediately.

This morning, I woke up and Kate left before I headed to class :(. We only had class until 1:00 pm today so my plans for today include laying in bed. This week, like most, is going to be another crazy fun week so I can’t wait to show you more!

Elsa Pater

Industrial and Operations Engineering

BIG 10 STEM and Irish Studies: University College Dublin in Dublin, Ireland

[wondershawns]

My Muse [S.M.]

A/N: I didn’t think I’d get this done so fast, but a few days ago I saw @t-holland2080​ posted a writing challenge and I figured I’d participate because they’re always fun! So here I am with my fic, the prompt I used was  “Stop being cuddling material if you’re not going to cuddle me.” I hope you guys like it!

Word count: 2355

Warnings: None, just tons of fluff

.

              Saturdays were for tidying, cleaning, and reading. It was your weekly routine. All those things were brightened when Shawn did them with you or played guitar in a corner of the condo you shared to give you something to listen to. Now that he was working on his album things had changed a little, he wanted to be in Toronto to write so that he could see you, but it still meant endless hours in the studio.

              On weekends Shawn tried to spend more time at home, which usually meant he’d sleep in with you. The rest of the week he was up early to go to the gym and went straight to the studio from there.

              It was just after lunch when Shawn went to take a quick shower. You had gotten up earlier than him and tidied the condo, he helped cleaning as soon as he was up. Breakfast was forgotten when you started cooking, and he joined you for lunch before he had to get ready for the day.

“Bubs are you going to be home for dinner?” You asked him, reading from the couch with a blanket draped over your lap.

“I’m not sure honey, just don’t wait on me,” He was in a pair of grey joggers and a slightly oversized hoodie when he walked past you. “I’ll try not to be too late to come to bed, I hate it when you stay up for too long,”

              You closed your book and kept a finger between the pages you were at. “You’d stay up too if you were expecting me to come home,” You stared at him rather than at the words on the old yellow paper. Poetry was beautiful but Shawn was a prettier sight.

“Yeah, I would,” He pushed his wet hair back, the curls slowly taking form on his head as they dried in what you knew would soon be a mess. He never cared what he looked like when going to the studio, he just wanted to be comfy so that he only had to focus on his writing.

              He looked adorable in this outfit. Shawn was a giant teddy bear and the only thing you wanted to do today was hug him, so you asked exactly for that. “Can I get a hug?” You opened your arms expectantly, your book forgotten on the coffee table with a pen between the pages.

              Shawn didn’t answer, he only smiled brighter and strode over to you to engulf you in his arms. You sat up straighter to be able to hold him better, pulling on his shoulders to make him bend further down to your level. The smell of his shower gel made you swoon, and you buried your face against the warm skin of his neck.

“Honey,” Shawn cooed, and he sat down on the edge of the couch since he couldn’t stand back up with you clutching his shoulders. “I need to get going,”

“I want to cuddle,”

“I won’t be home too late, and we can cuddle all you want then,” He promised with a kiss to your forehead. “Alright?”

Shawn got up, straightening his hoodie out and going to the front door, about to leave. “But that’s not fair,” You whined, making grabby hands at him and pouting. “You’re all fresh out of the shower in the comfiest clothes, I wanna cuddle now,”

“Don’t,” He groaned quietly, torn between you and the songs he wanted to finish. He knew he had been neglecting quality time with you for the past few days, and it showed. You were acting like a baby and you knew it, but you were extra needy for him considering you barely got to do anything together lately.

“Stop being cuddling material if you’re not going to cuddle me.” You dropped your hands back in your lap, bringing the comforter higher up on you and bending your legs to curl up on yourself.

              Shawn bit his lip, trying to find a good solution to this situation. “Why don’t you come to the studio with me?” He offered before he could overthink it.

“Really?” You didn’t think he was serious, he never let you stay when he was writing. You had been there often, but never when it was a proper jamming session and he was trying to write. “I thought you didn’t like that, I don’t want to distract you,”

“You’re not going to be a distraction love, you’re my inspiration, I need you with me today. If you want to come, that is,” He fiddled with his keys and beamed when you nodded, dashing across the living room to get your things before putting shoes on and following him out the door.

              Watching Shawn work was fascinating. He had a few people around him to help him, but they were only additions to him. He was at the center of everything, this album was entirely him, the others only helped him bring his thoughts together.

“Alright man, we need to put real lyrics on this,” Teddy tried to get him to find a line or two, something they could work with. “Just because it’s going to be a love song doesn’t mean we’re not going to make sure we find the right words,”

“Yeah, yeah I’m thinking,” Shawn nodded, pacing around the studio, snapping his fingers rhythmically and bobbing his head as he hummed a melody to try to form words that would fit.

              He was frustrated. It wasn’t hot in the studio yet Shawn was getting too warm, he had taken his hoodie off a little while ago and was only left in his t-shirt, something that would surely come off in the booth when he tried to record vocals later on. You were wearing the hoodie now, comfortably drowning in it as you turned the pages of your book and focused on reading. Listening to Shawn working was nice at the start but you didn’t have any input in his process, so you ended up needing a distraction.

              Scott squinted at the board as if that would magically make words appear on it. They ran through the melody over and over again, playing the song and humming along to it in hope it would spark something.

“That’s not working,” Shawn plopped back down on the couch where you were sitting, but he wasn’t paying attention to you. His knee bounced rapidly, and his bottom lip found itself caught between his teeth.

“Okay, talk to us then,” Scott sat cross legged where he was, turning his attention to Shawn rather than the white board. “What’s the purpose of that song? Why are we writing it?”

“Because it’s about how I feel when I come home,” Shawn’s answer came without hesitation, he knew where the song came from, it was one of the deepest feelings he had ever experienced.

“Define home,” Teddy encouraged him to dig deeper, and it seemed that she hit the right spot.

“It’s you,” Shawn nudged you with his elbow, making you look up from your book.

“Mmh?” You hummed because you hadn’t been listening, and he smiled softly.

“Teddy asked me to define home, you’re home, that’s easy,”

“So home is about who is there with you, it’s not just about a place,” She continued, putting him on a path so that he could go down it on his own.

“It’s never just been about a place,” Shawn shrugged. “I mean, I’ve always toured a lot, I had to deal with everywhere being home. It’s related to people for me, not places,”

“So now our love song isn’t just a love song, it’s about feeling at home with a person. What else does she make you feel?”

Shawn thought for a second before he answered. “She makes me…” He began, correcting himself quickly as he turned to you. “You make me feel like I always belong,”

“Don’t interrupt him,” Scott told you as a warning. “We gotta let him ramble on his own for as long as possible,”

“You make me feel like I belong, yeah,” He nodded to himself. “Like… Whenever I feel stupid for saying something that doesn’t make sense, it doesn’t matter. You get it anyway, or you ask me something so that you can understand. It puts me at ease and… and when I’m having one of those weird days and all the fans and people are getting to my head I just look at you, it’s just, it’s like none of it is important, because I’ve got you, you’re steady, you’re normal, you’re home,” Shawn continued, trying not to let himself get distracted by the way you teared up. You both vaguely heard pencils scraping paper as the others took note of what he was saying so that they could go through it again.

“It’s what I crave the most when tour ends, you know, just being alone with you with nothing else happening around. It’s also something I feel when you come see me on tour though, I always get stressed out before you join because I miss you and the anticipation makes it worse,” He fiddled with the hem of his shirt, glancing down at it before looking at you again. You were having trouble not crying. “But then I get to hug you and we’re cuddling, and you start playing with my hair, it’s just so relaxing. It’s like I could live anywhere in the world as long as I’m with you, because for a little while I don’t care about how stressed I’m going to be before playing the next show, I don’t care about what kind of questions will get thrown at me from the fans, I know I’ve got you at the end of the day.

“I overthink a lot, sometimes having so many eyes on me makes me feel like a caged animal, you know they’re just always looking and commenting without caring that I hear them, or that I’d like some privacy,” He reached for your hand, continuing his ramble with a small smile while he played with your fingers. “But then when I’m kissing you the whole world disappears, I don’t care about what’s around, it’s just us, it’s grounding. You just feel like home,”

              You sniffled quietly, nodding along to what he said without interrupting him like Scott had asked, but Shawn had turned silent. He scooted a little closer to you, his knee touching yours while you wiped your thumbs under your eyes.

“Keep it going Shawn, these are good tears it doesn’t matter, just keep going,” Teddy didn’t let him get distracted by wanting to hug you or make you feel better.

              You would have loved a hug and a chance to say something back to him, but if this was working for them to find what the song was supposed to be you didn’t want to ruin it.

“Okay,” He breathed out, closing his eyes for a second and searching for what he wanted to say. “I was really scared of that, for a long time. You being home was… It was terrifying, it had always been my family, you know? I’d go home to Pickering, to my parents, to my sister. But then I met you, and when I came home, I spent more and more time in Toronto, mostly to see you. I didn’t want it to be you though, I didn’t want to be that attached because shit, I’m twenty-two, commitment scares the hell out of me,” He let out a pathetic chuckle, clearing his throat before he kept on going. “I thought I was gonna get my heart broken, that I’d leave for another few months of tour and come back to you telling me we should end it.

“Thing is… that never happened,” He swallowed heavily, remembering how insecure he had been of your relationship for a long time. “You stuck with me through everything and coming back to you was the best thing in the world. It only really hit me when you came on tour though, I was gone for what two months?” He checked and you nodded your confirmation. “Yeah, so two months with only calls and texts, shit that was hard. It was hell honestly, I was so insecure then, I just wanted a break and some time at home. That never happened, obviously, but you came when I was in Italy and… and suddenly I didn’t need to come back to Toronto or Pickering or whatever, you were there, you were home.

“I always say that home is where the heart is, and well… truth is my heart is in your hands now, so you’re my home.”

              You were full on crying before he even finished, and he didn’t hesitate to pull you into his arms. You hugged back as tightly as you could, burying your face in his shoulder and getting the fabric of his shirt wet with your tears. Shawn rubbed your back, squeezing you hard against his chest while you cried quietly.

“I love you so much Shawn,” You whispered, but you knew he could hear you. “So much more than you can imagine,”

“I know honey, I love you too,” He leaned back into the couch slowly, letting you pull away enough for his lips to be able to meet yours.

              It was soft but you kept it short, neither of you were very keen on PDA, you’d have plenty of time for that tonight when you were alone. You got a few fake coughs and ooh’s from everyone else in the room, but Shawn only rolled his eyes.

“Alright, alright,” He said, scratching the back of his neck as he took in everyone that had been listening to what he said without making any noise. They were good at erasing themselves and he was good at blocking them out so that he could pour his heart out without being too self conscious. “Can we work with that?”

“Yeah, we can definitely work with that,”

“Told you you wouldn’t be a distraction,” Shawn nudged you with a soft smile. “You’re my muse.”

.

Please let me know what you thought and give this a reblog!

[imagine-that]

Surprise!

Words: 1,768 words

Warnings: mild swearing, fluffy I guess?

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

An: I don’t usually do titles but I’m trying out new stuff on here lol. I can’t tell if this is good or if it’s word vomit so I’ll let y’all decide 😂. This is for @t-holland2080 ‘s summer writing challenge, I used prompt number 24 “quit arguing and let me kiss you.”

Just as you shut your locker door at the end of the school day, your boyfriend Peter latches onto your shoulders, gently enough that it didn’t do anything to harm you but still scared you.

You let out a yelp in surprise and the surrounding student body turned to look at the two of you, only somewhat confused until they realized it was the two of you.

By then, everyone had grown used to Peters tendencies to jump behind you or sneak up on you anywhere you were. Of course, no one knew that he had his Spider-Man powers to help him with that but they were still used to it nonetheless. Everyone was. Other than you.

“Surprise?” He says into your ear, making you groan a little.

“Jesus Peter you have to stop doing that!” You groaned, making him chuckle slightly.

“Sorry.” He mutters sheepishly, pecking you on the cheek as an apology as you begin to make you way out of the building at a steady pace.

“I’m sure you are.” You say sarcastically, giggling a bit as he holds his hands up to say he’s innocent.

The two of you walk to the bus stop where Peter usually leaves you to get home and on your separate ways but this time as you go to get on with the line of others leaving, his hand gently clasps your wrist to stop you.

“Happy is picking me up today so why don’t you come along? Happy loves us it’ll be fun!” He says enthusiastically.

“Peter, I’m pretty sure Happy is actually more annoyed by us than anything.” You argue with a laugh.

“Ok but he does love you so let’s uh... let’s go!” He says with a very nervous looking grin.

He begins to charge through the crowd with your hand in his own, shocking you as you bump shoulders with several strangers and hear the grunts of irritation from your fellow classmates.

“Peter slow the hell down!” You cry, tugging on his arm to bring him to a halt.

“I would but um... Happy’s uh... waiting so we gotta go!” He rambles, starting to move again.

You cross your arms over your chest, raising an eyebrow at him as he finally stops and refuses to meet your eye.

“Are you... are you coming?” He stammers, rubbing the back of his neck nervously.

You eye him suspiciously, questioning in your mind for the hundredth time how he was ever able to keep the Spider-Man secret from anyone or even just sneak up on you the way he usually did when he could hardly hide whatever the hell he had planned for the two of you.

“I’ll come.” You say, arms still crossed. His face lights up like a Christmas tree when you say so. “If you tell me what’s going on.” You add, letting your arms drop back to your sides.

His face falls into a childish, puppy dog faced frown. “But y/n! It’ll ruin the surprise!” He whines.

Your y/e/c eyes become saucers as he goes silent and groans, clearly upset with himself for spoiling it.

“Peter!” You sigh, leaning on him as you walk to the car parked by the curb. “You know I hate surprises. It usually means you jumping out at me and terrifying me.” You lecture, entertwining your hands as you walk, swinging them back and forth to distract yourself.

“I know, I’m sorry.” He says with another sheepish grin. “I just like making you happy.” He adds with a smile.

“You can do that without scaring the bajeezus out of me!” You counter with a giggle as you snuggles yourself into his side for a second, letting go only to get into the car.

“Hi Happy!” Peter says, trying to get himself out of the situation. Happy grunts in acknowledgement, glancing back in the rear view mirror as he starts to drive.

“Oh hi y/n!” He says somewhat happily when he finally notices you nuzzling up to Peter,already knowing how much it would bug the boy beside you. Peters mouth drops open, looking between the two of you in shock.

“I- that hurts Happy, I thought you were in charge of me!” He cries.

“I am. But I actually like your girlfriend/boyfriend/significant other.” He responds with a shrug, smiling a bit at you while you giggle and Peter sulks.

“Don’t touch that! Or that!” Happy starts ordering about fifteen minutes later as the car pulls into the long driveway of the avengers compound and Peter reaches around like a child to press the buttons in front of him.

You palm a snicker as Peter once again pouts like a kid.

“And you wonder why he pretends not to like you.” You murmur jokingly into Peters ear, giggling even more as he scoffs in protest.

“Thanks for the ride Happy.” You say gleefully, stepping out of the back and pulling your school bag over your shoulder.

“Yep thanks.” Peter says, pretending to be bitter.

Happy rolls his eyes and drives off to go park the car, leaving you with Peter who once again grabs your hand and yanks you up the steps and into the compound.

“Where are we going?” You shout as the two of you run through the halls.

“A secret.” He says and you sigh again.

“Peter-“ you start but you’re quick to stop when you step through the doors into the lab where Tony Stark himself stands, working on one of his famous suits.

“Holy shit.” You breath, staring at him nervously.

“Uh.... Mr Stark, this is y/n my uh... my girlfriend/boyfriend/significant other. Y/n, this is Mr Stark.” Peter says nervously, waving stiffly at the man.

“Hello there y/n. Only Peter really calls me Mr Stark, call me Tony if you want.” He offers and you blink at him, not sure how to react.

“H-hi Tony.” You muster with a wave of your own, mouth opening and closing like a goldfish.

“I felt the same way the first time I met him. Also, surprise!” Peter whispers from behind you, causing you to jump around and realize how close he was.

“Jesus!” You mutter, a hand over your heart.

“A little jumpy?” Tony asks, lowering his sunglasses to look at Peter.

“A little would be kind of a um... an understatement mr Stark.” He responds, laughing as you turn to glare at him playfully.

“Well... what was it? Y/n, right?” Tony asks, turning to you. You nod your head rapidly, too awestruck to speak.

“You can feel free to watch me work while Underoos does whatever it is he’s planning to do for you two if you want.” He informs you, turning back to his work desk.

You snicker again at the nickname and Peters face falls in shock, blushing profusely, the tips of his ears burning a furiously bright red. He pushes you over to the desk, knowing you need a push to get up the courage.

You cautiously watch over Tony’s shoulder as he tinkers with the build of the suit, explaining a little what he’s doing as he goes.

A minute later, you find yourself suddenly swinging through the air in someone’s arms.

You scream, caught fully by surprise. “Peter!” You shriek, scared out of your mind as you quickly grab hold of him until your knuckles almost white.

“Hi.” He murmurs through his mask, clearly scared by your scream. On the ground, Tony winces at the high pitched noise.

“You know that would terrify me! You knew- oh my god we’re basically flying. Holy shit!” You cry, laughing a little to yourself.

“Yep. Pretty cool isn’t it?” Peter says, moving his mask slightly so you can see his regular toothy smile.

You giggle a little, stopping abruptly. “No! You could’ve killed me- jeeze you... you could’ve given me a heart attack!” You wail, looking at him with wide eyes.

He tries and fails not to chuckle at your dramatics, swinging himself low enough to put you safely on solid ground. He flips himself upside down, clearly showing off for you as much as he can without looking awkward.

“Just quit arguing and let me kiss you.” He says, moving his mask again so you can clearly see his deep brown eyes and his goofy grinning face. When he sees the the quirked up eyebrow on your seemingly unimpressed face, he blushes a little, his ears going red. “Please?” He adds, smiling as adorably as he can muster.

You bite your tongue, trying to hide the giggle tickling your throat but quickly burst out into a laugh, grabbing his head with a shake of your own. “You’re lucky I love you, you dork.” You say with a smile, moving forward and kissing him smack dab on the lips.

His grin widens from ear to ear. That’s when you finally fully notice his suit, a grin spreading across your own lips at the sight.

“I’m actually dating Spider-Man.” You state, looking at him with a disbelieving laugh.

“Haha... yep!” He exclaims as he uses a web to swing around you in a circle, making you squeal as he lands quietly behind you. Your eyebrows furrow as you look around for him, not sure where he could be.

“Surprise!” He shouts in your ear, making you scream again. Tony is quick to cover his ears this time, still wincing.

“You look good in that suit.” You inform him, wrapping your arms around his shoulders and smiling up at him.

He blushes again, smiling awkwardly. “Thanks babe...” he stammers, avoiding eye contact. “Now come over here cause I believe I said to let ME kiss YOU.” He reminds you, and you roll your eyes, letting him bend down and place his lips on yours.

Tony groans, clearly pretending to be grossed out.

“Ok, teenage love birds. Take it out of the lab!” He orders, pointing at the door. You blush, staring at him in shock again but Peter is quick to scoop you up in his arms, swinging the both of you out the doorway and through the compound with your arms tightly around him.

Your afternoon is spent staring at the other Avengers in shock, chatting with a few of them and swinging through the air on Peters webs.

“So... good surprise?” Peter asks sheepishly when you’re finished, grinning excitedly as you laugh for the millionth time that day.

“Yes Peter, for once it was good.” You admit with a smile of your own.

Peter dances around the hallways of the compound goofily, making you fall into a fit of giggles.

You shake your head as he swings around in celebration, knowing full well how much of a handful he is and knowing it would always be worth it for him.

[cali-holland]

Sammy’s Summer Writing Challenge!!!

Sooo I’ve never held my own writing challenge before, but I really wanted to do this because writing challenges are always a great source of new fics 🥰 I’m really excited about this, and I hope you all have fun & enjoy this too! Let’s see how this goes! 💕💕💕

Read all the fics here

Rules:

Deadline to submit is midnight pdt (aka california time) on Sunday, August 16th, 2020- message me if you need more time

Anyone can enter; you don’t have to follow me (but that’d be great if you did haha)

Please send me an ask/message with which prompt you’d like to do (and preferably which character)

For right now, 2 writers per prompt (if more people participate, I’ll allow more). I’ll be updating this post with who’s doing what prompt!

Can be fluff or angst

Smut is also allowed, but please no full smut fics because i won’t read it :( and i really wanna read all of these (note: i’ll skip the smut if it’s like a section of it). If it is smut, please make your characters 18+ and mark it as nsfw.

Minimum word count is 500 words; no maximum

Can be one shot or a series

Can be either “x reader” or with an original character

AU’s are allowed too

Please use trigger warnings if your fic is on a sensitive subject

When you post your finished fic, please tag me and feel free to message it to me as well so I see it. Also, use the tag “sammy’s summer writing challenge” when you post it too.

All fics will be reblogged under the same tag (“sammy’s summer writing challenge”) on my account and posted on a masterlist

Characters:

Tom Holland

Harrison Osterfield

Harry Holland

Sam Holland

Peter Parker

Shawn Mendes

* If you want to do another character, please check with me first *

Prompt List:

1-36 are one liners

37-50 are multiple liners

Italics indicate the prompt is no longer available

“You’re like my fairy godmother.”

“I just don’t know how much I can take. I can die hanging on the words she/he says.”

“You snore when you sleep.”

“Why do we always end up like this?”

“I swear, if you don’t get your ass out of my face.”

“You think girls are dramatic, but you’ve clearly never seen a guy die in a video game.” ~ @anapocalypseinmymind​

“You’re a terrible kisser.”

“Believe me, I’m not going anywhere.”

“I just really want to kiss you right now.” ~ @tombob2005​

“This is all my fault.”

“I’m never falling in love again.”

“Did you just lick me?”

“I will do everything to make this right.”

“Don’t kiss me like you’re never going to see me again because you will, I’ll always be with you.”

“Why did you call me at 2 in the morning?”~ @duskholland​

“Now, watch and learn.”

“You wish you were as cool as me.”

“Stop being cuddling material if you’re not going to cuddle me.” ~ @theshawnmendesstorycollection​

“Wanna run away with me?”

“You’re cute when you’re mad.” ~ @theamazingtomholland​

“But what if we aren’t meant to be?” ~ @parkersbliss​

“My heart’s always been yours, dummy.”

“I don��t need [insert hot celeb], I need you.”

“Quit arguing and let me kiss you” ~ @imagine-that

“Hey, hey, it’s alright. I’ve got you.”

“I promise.” ~ @unsaidholland

“You’re not exactly serious boyfriend/girlfriend material.” ~ @harrysleftchelseaboot

“Do you want a massage?”

“If you want cookies, then make your own damn cookies.”

“Always.” ~ @musicalkeys & @petersoftboyparker

“She/he lied to me. I’m so turned on right now.”

“Falling in love with you was never a part of the plan. It just happened, but it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” ~ @chloecreatesfictions​ & @kickingn-ames​

“I can’t just talk to him/her. That’s not how I flirt.”

“You make me feel fireworks again.” ~ @bi-writes

“Last time you had a good idea, I got a black eye.” ~ @sinceweremutual

“Why are there rose petals all over the floor?”

“I’m the reasonable one here.” “You’re drunk.” “Are you saying that I can’t be drunk and reasonable?” “I’m saying you’re too drunk to be reasonable.”

“I need help.” “I’m not helping you pop a zit, if that’s what you’re going to ask.”

“You look like shit.” “God, you suck at flirting.”

“Why did you make me do this?” “It was your idea.”

“I think I miscalculated something.” “You think?”

“You’re not very good at the walk of shame.” “What makes you say that?” “Your pants are on inside out.”

“If you say golf one more time, I will beat you with this stick.” “That’s a golf club.” this is very holland + co but it’s great

“Stop looking at me like that.” “Like what?” “Like I’m your everything.” “But you are.” ~ @peachyxholland​

“Why are you bleeding?” “It’s just a flesh wound.”

“I love you.” “I’m not going to say ‘I know’ like Han Solo.” ~ @hollanderfangirl

“You’re so dramatic.” “That’s rich coming from the person who acts like everything is an Adele song.” ~ @in-a-lot-of-fandoms-tbh

“I think I hurt you.” “That’s not possible.”

“Are you mad?” “No, I’m fucking furious.”

“You’re different than I thought you’d be.” “Why do you say that like it’s a bad thing?”

* Prompt list is inspired by other prompt lists, movies, & songs as well as just random little one/multiple liners I’ve thought of *

Tagging my wonderful mutuals (even if you’re on a writing break haha, im gonna tag you anyway because i love you): @theamazingtomholland @saysomethingspiderman @duskholland @unsaidholland @parkersbliss @etoileholland @chloecreatesfictions @harrysleftchelseaboot @hollandsamor @in-a-lot-of-fandoms-tbh @bi-writes @demureland @cosmicholland @petersholland @fallinfortom @sunshinehollandd @sunkisseddreamer

[cali-holland]

Love this sm 💓 definitely did not disappoint!!

Rumor Has It - Tom Holland (High School AU)

Pairing:  Jock!Tom x Musical!Reader, BFF!Haz x Reader

This is my entry for @t-holland2080‘s writing challenge, but since I took a writing break from here, I didn’t write it. The prompt was an Adele related quote and tbf, I’ve had this idea for about a month. So, I thought of mixing them up together. I’ve been re-watching Glee. Hence, the high school au and the Glee inspired stuff throughout this one shot.

Prompt: “You’re so dramatic.” “That’s rich coming from the person who acts like everything is an Adele song.”

Add yourself to my taglist if you’re cool x

5.3k words omg lmao hope y’all enjoy I guess

* * * *

Rumors. No one liked them, but every day there seemed to be a rumor made up by someone. Rumors tear other people down in a lot of ways. The idea of lies spreading everywhere wasn’t ideal for everyone, yet people seem to really believe them. No one knows who starts a new rumor and no one knows how they come up with it. Rumors are basically the outcome of a person’s creativity put into terrible, terrible use.

Keep reading

[unsaidholland]

carbonara | s. holland

“I promise.” prompt #26 in @t-holland2080​ ‘s writing challenge :)

this was so fun to write and participate in!!

warnings: none !

liam was the greatest boyfriend you could have ever asked for, that is until he completely ghosted you, deleted everything that you were in or had to do with you off his social media, and became active on tinder again. there were no words exchanged to insinuate the breakup, it just happened. 

you were left with so many questions and not enough answers. why would he leave me? what did i do wrong? the sad part is, not once did you ask how you could get him back. he was gone and you knew it, but he left his sweaters, he had left behind every single thing that would have reminded you of him. none of your friends knew why, and if they did they didn’t tell you. his friends hadn’t answered any of your texts. just like liam, they all had ghosted you.

maybe it was easier for you to pretend like he had never happened, but you were still processing everything. you couldn’t just forget him while you were figuring out what was happening. 

after a week of staying at home sulking, sam decided that enough was enough. he came by your apartment and told you to get ready because you were going to spend the day at his house. as much as you tried to refuse, he wasn’t going to take no for an answer. he was ready to give up anything and everything to make you feel better. he was your best friend, and he took it upon himself to take care of you even if you couldn’t take care of yourself. 

you laid under the covers, on your side in full fetal position, in silence. you didn’t even realize your mom had let sam in, and that he was standing in your doorway until you heard a camera shutter. you sat up and looked over at the doorway to see sam standing there with his phone out. predicting what he was going to make you do, you laid back down onto your bed and pulled the duvet up over your head, earning a small chuckle from sam. 

“come on y/n, it’s been a week and you haven’t even left your house.” all sam was doing was stating facts. you didn’t need to hear this from one more person. you were heartbroken, but anyone would be able to tell. 

“go away sam,” you sighed out. you didn’t wanna go anywhere, and you were not planning on going anywhere, but then sam gave you an offer too good to turn down. 

“if you get out of bed and come over, i’ll make you all the carbonara you want.” how could you turn that down? he was willing to make you unhealthy, copious amounts of your favourite food. never mind the fact that it wasn’t healthy to only have carbs, it was the only thing that made you voluntarily get out of bed, put on a different change of clothes and get out of the house. 

soon enough you found yourself sitting on sam’s couch. the house was empty, his mom was out on a shoot, his dad was out having a meeting, and paddy was at school. tessa sat beside you as you were curled up under a blanket despite the sweater and sweatpants you were wearing. 

sam came back to the couch from the kitchen with two bowls of carbonara, one for him and one for you. murder on the orient express was playing on his tv as the two of you began to eat. neither of you were actually paying attention to the film playing on the tv. sam was waiting for you to open up, while your mind continued to race, thinking of all the possible answers to your questions. 

you took a bite of the pasta and closed your eyes as you relished the dish. sam always made the best food, especially since he started taking cooking seriously and chose to major in it in university. although you were always honest with him with his food, you always loved everything he made. you swore that he had to be your wedding caterer if possible. 

“sam, why did he leave me?” you asked, turning to face him. the bowl of carbonara sat in your lap, half-finished as the movie played in the background unnoticed. 

sam let out a sigh and ran his hands through his hair. “honestly y/n/n, he’s an idiot for leaving you. i don’t know why he did it, but,” sam paused, wanting to choose his words wisely, ”you’ll find someone better.” did sam have feelings for you? he didn’t know. he knew he would do anything for you, but that’s just what friends do, right?

“i’m sorry, this is stupid.” immediately you felt bad. sam was trying to cheer you up, but instead, your mind kept pulling yourself back into a constant cycle of overthinking. “i shouldn’t be thinking about him right now, not when you’re right next to me.” 

your words rang in his head. not when you’re right next to me. what did that even mean? “you’re allowed to be upset y/n, you just shouldn’t have to be alone. i’m here for you, always,” he said, voice getting quiet towards the end of the sentence. he was always there for you, you knew that and so did he, but he wanted to be there for you forever. he wanted you to stop crying over these guys who don’t know how to treat you properly, he wanted you to find the perfect guy just so you could be happy, he didn’t even realize it, but he wanted to be the one to make you happy. 

before he could even think, sam said, “every single time you want carbonara, i’ll make it for you. if you’re heartbroken, if it’s three am, if it’s the middle of the day, it won’t matter. i’ll make it for you.” he had put his bowl down on the coffee table, tessa being good and not eating it. he took your hands in his, looked into your eyes and said, “i promise.”

“don’t make a promise you can’t keep sam,” you said lightheartedly. did you want to take him up on this offer, yeah, of course you did, but you also learned from all the breakups you’ve been through that promises were made to be broken. that’s just the way the world worked, and unfortunately, you’ve fallen into its trap one too many times. 

“i swear to you, i’ll make you carbonara anytime.” his brown eyes shone with determination, determination that wasn’t hidden to you, determination that you picked up on immediately. unfortunately for you, sam was quite stubborn and set in his ways, and he knew he was going to make you give in. 

“i’m holding you to that samuel.” you turned back to the screen, not knowing where the characters were in the plot. your brain was focused on how he was willing to give himself to you through carbonara anytime you asked. 

•••

it had been five years since sam got you out of bed by making carbonara. a few months after that day, he finally realized his feelings for you. now, after dating for a year and ten months, everything stayed perfect. he went from your best friend to your boyfriend, to hopefully your future husband. 

he had a whole plan. he even asked your parents for permission to propose, not that he needed to, but because he wanted them involved in this process. both of your families had decided to go on a christmas/new years vacation together. before you knew it, you found yourself in bali with your family and your boyfriend’s family.

sam was riddled with nerves as you all went to the beach that day. the only person who knew about his plan out of all the hollands was harry, but to be fair, how could he hide anything from the person who has been with him before even being born?

“are you ready?” harry asked him, though he knew the answer. sam was never going to be ready, but he was itching to make it official. he can’t live without you.

“you know i’m never going to be ready, but i’m still gonna do it.” harry gently punched sam’s bicep.

“you got this.” harry smiled at his twin.

sam looked over at you at the volleyball net. sporting a pair of shorts and a blue bikini top, he watched as you were tossing the ball back and forth over the net with paddy. he saw the way his family just got along with you and how they all had accepted you into the family, but now it was time to make it official.

as if on cue, nicola had called paddy over, leaving you alone at the net. tom was in the ocean swimming, but harry had caught his attention, and he came back to where both sets of parents were sitting. sam was forever grateful that he had found a villa that had a private beach connected to it.

“hey love, let’s go sit with them,” sam said when he approached you. you nodded, immediately grabbing his hand. was sam even ready? was he prepared? he swore he practiced what he was going to say over and over again in the shower all the days leading up to this. though he knew he would never be fully prepared, he had a sense of hope that he would be more prepared than he felt now. 

everyone was lost in conversation, mostly talking about how nice the villa that you all had rented was, but harry looked at his twin and saw nothing but nerves and fear. sam thought for a second, here goes nothing. “wait guys can i say something real quick?” harry smiled as he realized what was happening. a chorus of ‘sure’s echoed between the families as he turned to you. 

“i honestly can’t believe we’re all here together in bali, but i actually had a surprise planned for you.” a confused look painted your face as the brown-eyed boy spoke. “i know we’ve only been together for less than two years, but this just feels right - our families together. i promised you years ago that i would make you carbonara whenever, but i have a few promises to add to that if you’d let me. i promise to always be there for you, to always make you happy, to always give you cuddles whenever you want. i promise to love you forever and always,” he paused to get on one knee, pulling the ring out from his pocket, causing everyone to gasp except for harry. “i swear to you, i’ll be the best husband you could have if you would marry me, y/n. so, will you marry me?” tears sprung at the corners of your eyes and rolled down your cheeks. you nodded, not being able to find the words to say. sam smiled, stood up, and captured your tear-streaked lips in a kiss, and when he pulled away, the diamond engagement ring was placed on your ring finger.

as your families celebrated over the engagement, you turned to him. “when we get home, can we have celebratory carbonara?” he laughed, nodded, and kissed you again.

[spinachgarden]

Hi! Would you mind writing for number 74 for that drabble challenge?

Hello! Sorry this took me so long to get to!

YES I WILL DO #74!

SamBucky - Can you taste the rain?

Outside, the rain is pouring down in sheets, thundering against the roof incessantly. Bucky sighs and wedges himself deeper into the corner of the couch, a book propped on his knees and a mug of tea in his free hand. He’s never been a big fan of the rain - it’s cold and miserable and gloomy outside, and he much prefers the sun, warm and bright and cheerful. 

Sam comes into the living room only a moment later. He seems to be in a good mood, bright eyed and bushy tailed despite the dreary weather. 

“Mornin’ Buck,” he chirps. On his way to the kitchen, Sam stops to wrap the blanket from the back of the couch around Bucky’s shoulders, making sure it’s tucked tight before he goes to pour himself a mug of coffee. 

“Morning,” Bucky says. “Sleep okay?” 

“Yeah,” Sam says brightly. “The sound of the rain knocks me right out. Slept like a baby.”

Bucky snorts. “Yeah you did,” he agrees. “Didn’t even wake up when I got out of bed.” To be fair, that’s not unusual for Sam - he tends to enjoy sleeping in on his weekends, rarely crawling out of bed before ten, grumbling and grouching at Bucky to come back to sleep, to snuggle, to at least bring coffee if he’s going to be up so damn early. Today, though, Sam didn’t even stir when Bucky got up around six. 

A long, silent moment passes between them while Sam takes his first few sips of coffee. Once he’s drained half his mug, he comes to the couch and snuggles up close, resting his head on Bucky’s shoulder and breathing a deep sigh of contentment. “I love the rain,” he says, unprompted, “but it’s even better right after it stops, when the sun just starts coming out again.” 

“You mean when it’s all wet and muddy outside?” Bucky asks with a raised eyebrow. 

“I mean yeah, it’s wet and muddy, but it’s nice. Peaceful. The air feels clearer, like you can taste the rain. You know what I mean?” 

“Sammy, I’ve got no idea what you’re talking about,” Bucky says with a small chuckle. Sam snorts and takes another sip of his coffee, making an absolutely obscene noise as he does, and they fall back into comfortable silence. It’s easy to pass the hours of the rainstorm like this, snuggled on the couch together, a good book in hand and a hot mug of tea on the end table. After a while, Sam flicks on the TV and Bucky splits his attention, half focusing on HGTV while he rereads the same pages over and over again. It’s nice, he thinks, even if it’s gross outside. Spending this time with Sam, winding down - he’d do this forever, if he could. If the world didn’t need saving. 

Three episodes of house-hunters later, Sam perks up. “The rain stopped,” he says, already half-standing. “C’mon, Buck.”

“Sam,” Bucky says, deadpan, “I’m in the middle of a page.” 

“You’ve been reading that page for eight minutes,” Sam retorts. “C’mon. I wanna show you what I mean.” 

Bucky grumbles a bit more about it, just to be contrary, but ultimately allows Sam to lead him outside. 

Maybe he’s right. The air seems clearer, like the rain has finally washed away the clinging humidity of late summer, and there’s a clean taste to it, something he’s never really cared to pay attention to until now. He supposes Sam brings that out in him - an ability to appreciate the little things for what they are, like the moments just after a rainstorm. Beside him, Sam has his eyes closed, head tilted up so that the sunlight is glinting across his face, and he sucks in a big breath of air, open-mouthed. He looks beautiful like this, unabashedly content to bask in the moment. 

“Can you taste it?” he murmurs, eyes still closed. “Can you taste the rain?” 

“Yeah,” Bucky says. “I can.” 

[cali-holland]

Sammy’s Summer Writing Challenge Masterlist

I hosted a writing challenge from July 15th to August 15th, and below are all the lovely works! I hope you enjoy these as much as I did 💕💕 Thank you to everyone who participated in it! If you participated and your fic isn’t on here, please let me know!!

See prompt list and original post here

Tom Holland

True Love is John Adams, Veggie Burgers, and American Football by @chloecreatesfictions (found on @chloecreatesfictions-archive )

  ~ Prompt: “Falling in love with you was never a part of the plan. it just happened, but it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

 ~ Warnings: panic attack

Forced: I Hate You by @theamazingtomholland (second part of the series Forced)

 ~ Prompt: “You’re cute when you’re mad.”

Bad Reputation by @harrysleftchelseaboot

~ Prompt: “You’re not exactly serious boyfriend material.”

Rumor Has It (High School AU) by @in-a-lot-of-fandoms-tbh

~ Prompt: “You're so dramatic." "That's rich coming from the person who acts like everything is an Adele song."

Harrison Osterfield

Say Goodnight by @duskholland

~ Prompt: “Why did you call me at 2 in the morning?”

Electric Love by @kickingn-ames

~ Prompt: “Falling in love with you was never a part of the plan. It just happened, but it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me,

Harry Holland

Rain by @hollanderfangirl

~ Prompt: “I love you.” “I’m not going to say ‘I know’ like Han Solo.”

Watch Me Dance by @petersoftboyparker

~ Prompt: “Always.”

Sam Holland

Carbonara by @unsaidholland​

~ Prompt: “I promise.”

Peter Parker

Finally! by @tombob2005

 ~ Prompt: “I just really want to kiss you right now.”

Surprise! by @imagine-that

~ Prompt: “Quit arguing and let me kiss you.”

Shawn Mendes

My Muse by @theshawnmendesstorycollection​

 ~ Prompt: “Stop being cuddling material if you’re not going to cuddle me.”

[cali-holland]

Harry as the princess leia in a relationship is a concept I’m all here for ❤️❤️

Rain | Harry Holland| 

This is for @t-holland2080 ‘s writing challenge. 

So this is my first fic that’s why it’s so short and in first person.

I absolutely loved writing this!

Prompt 46. “I love you” “I’m not going to say ‘I know’ like Han Solo”

It was a cloudy day in southwest London. The ground was still wet from the showers of the night before. Harry hated rainy days, he liked it when the sun was shining and everyone was outside their homes to enjoy the sunshine. But I, on the other hand, adored the rain. There was just something about rain, the soft noises it makes when it reaches a windowpane or the lovely petrichor it gives out when it hits the earth. Usually I would sit by the window and read when rain is trickling outside, but today I wanted to go out, to be one with nature.

We walked around a park, holding hands and smiling at each other. The park was empty, so seemed the whole city. I couldn’t blame anyone, it was early morning and a lazy Saturday. The only voices were that of the birds chirping.

“Tell me again, why did you wake me up so early to do this?” Harry says.

“Don’t you see it’s such a beautiful day!” I run towards the centre of the park.

“It’s so gloomy, darling. And nobody’s here”

“That’s why it’s so cool! It’s like we’re the last two people on the planet”

He runs behind me and wraps his arms around me, nuzzling his nose on my neck and slowly kissing the skin.

“If that is so, why don’t we-”

“No Mr Holland, don’t ruin the mood,” I push him away.

“Oh I’m ruining the mood now?” he chuckles.

“Yes you are” I gasp, causing him to pout.

I pull him closer again and attach my lips against his. He holds my cheeks with his big hands and I tilt my head to the side, deepening the kiss. He reaches one hand to entwine with mine. I smile into the kiss before pulling away slowly to say “I love you”

“I’m not going to say ‘I know’ like Han Solo”

“Oh I know” I laugh and kiss him again, rougher this time, our tongues briefly touching and our hands exploring each other’s bodies.  It was an inside joke between us, from the time we watched The Empire Strikes Back. Saying ‘I love you too’ seemed too common, too cheesy and Harry being the little cheeky lad he is, said we should recreate the iconic Star Wars scene.

We would’ve stayed like that if it wasn’t for the rain to start pouring again. Thunder burst loud in the sky, causing to startle us. At first it came as drizzle, then within seconds it came rushing down on us. I start to run towards our house and see Harry still standing behind.

“What are you doing? Let’s go home”

“I thought you liked rain”

“I like to watch it from inside the house, not getting drenched in it!”

Either way, we danced in the rain, not caring about anything. Nothing seemed important anymore, he was all I had and needed and that was enough. He looked so beautiful then, with his curls wet and his little smile wide across his face, his eyes still groggy and sleepy, it was a sight that would remain in my memory for a long time. He picked me up and twirled me around, I closed my eyes and little rain drops fell down on my face, the ground wet and swampy beneath us. I felt really sorry for the people who were sleeping or inside their houses at that time. They missed an encounter with the tears of the sky.

“I love you” he says, pushing a strand of hair from my face.

“I know” I smirk.

“Hey you don’t get to be Han Solo in this relationship, that would mean I’m princess Leia then”

“You could be, I’ll be the scoundrel,” I give him a little kiss on his cheek. “Come on, princess, we gotta reach home before we catch a cold” I wink and we race each other home.

[philtstone]

Listen LISTEN u already KNOW I am nothing if not a HO for the way u write casual intimate touches,,,,,,,,so how about,,,,,,,“don’t want to let go hugs” for,,,,,,drum roll pls,,,,,,,sarah/bucky 👀👀👀

part of this verse and specifically relevant to a plot point in "clover". shoutout to @firstelevens for gently coaxing me through the unreasonable volume of nerves i experienced posting this. there be angst ahead. im a little sorry in advance

you can also read this on ao3 :)

Sarah's been thinking of her mother all afternoon.

She's not sure why. Maybe because her back and feet ache, that dull tiredness that comes from a long week of work. Or maybe because the house is so full. People are moving in and out through the porch and the living room and the kitchen and the backyard. Her mother always ran a full house. If there was a person needing something, they were let in through the front door. Sarah's long come to realize that the most prevalent need was for a friend, even if it was wrapped up in an ask to borrow plastic tablecloths or extra sugar or get a recipe they just couldn't crack.

So she's got her mom on her mind. There's a tenderness to her remembering. Also a fragility. Her mother, who had given up college not because of some oppressive social tragedy but because she had wanted to. Her mother, halfway pregnant without meaning to be and jumping feet first into a new business she didn't know much about running, her husband’s hand held firmly in her own. There's a reason there used to be about four years difference between she and Sam. More or less nullified now, but anyway. Sarah wonders what her mother had felt, in that moment, filled with love for the life she had but faced with the unchangeable reality of what she never was given to mourn the loss of in the first place.

Sarah is thinking of all this when she enters the house, laughing at some nonsense Sheira's spouting. Sheira always spouts nonsense when tipsy on coolers, and she's outside on the porch now, perched in her husband's lap and hooting her head off at Mr. Liu's whacky stories. Annette's in the backyard, mediating an age-old debate between her mother and Ms. Gloria regarding some brand of seasoning, and Annette’s boyfriend's talking knitting patterns with Carlos by the landing floor bathroom.

Sheira protests Sarah's leaving, but it’s loose, distracted, the way comfortable friendship can be at this hour and with the knowledge you're all home.

"No, I'm just gettin' some water –” Sarah’s saying. “I'll be right back, you keep on making a fool of yourself, girl."

"Now Sarah, you know my wife's always foolin'."

"Mr. Langston you better keep your thoughts to yourself, or I'm leavin' this lap. Go on, Sam honey, deal the next hand. Look at this. I’m bettin’ on him, ‘cause Captain America won’t cheat."

“Yeah, but old Sammy will.”

“Aw you know my poker face ain’t worth a damn, Lou, c’mon –”

Sam's losing at cards to some of the dock guys. He's got a full smile on, one that he's shot over at her every so often since about four thirty when she passed him by in the kitchen. It's closer to eight now. They've got half the street over -- Sarah's not sure how it happened, but one thing led to another. Maybe it's 'cause Sam's home. It's close to the end of the summer, wind turning, kids feeling some kind of way about going back to school. Cass has been babbling all week about how he's gonna have to start thinking of college next year -- a whole three hundred and sixty-five days from now. AJ is already scandalized on his behalf.

Just now, the kids are running up and down through the house. She heard something, an hour or so ago, about a game of cops and robbers tangled up in a Tik Tok challenge Sarah's had just enough Mom Bandwidth to declare acceptable for consumption – vaguely, she's aware that Bucky's been corralling 'em, and that is enough for her. It's nice and cool indoors when she slips through the screen door and pads her way toward the kitchen. Laughter filters in through the windows from all corners of the place. There's music playing. There's a kind of loving in the air. Sometimes, Sarah thinks she tricks herself into not savoring it as much as she should.

You're so practical, Mama, Cass told her a few months ago, grave in the kitchen while he helped her with the overfull garbage bags. I think you run our house a sorta way and it makes everyone forget that's not just how things are, like, everywhere.

Sarah has to stop her pilgrimage because Elling Clancy's string bean self has just raced patter-footed past her, holding an old nerf gun with her hair in its customary tangled nest and hollering something about Sugar shorin' up their defenses.

"Elling! Don't be slipping on my hardwood and bustin' your head open now!"

"No Ms. W!"

She is about to move on when she hears the much quieter murmur of voices coming in through the living room. Sarah pauses, leaning back, and looks in through the door. She feels her whole self soften, one hand coming up to flutter against the slipping strap of her sundress.

Bucky is with little Nina Calleigh by the foot of the couch. Sarah's sure Nina must have tired out from the older kids' game, needed a rest or a break or a distraction; there's a bent copy of The Lion The Witch and The Wardrobe open but abandoned on the floor by their legs, and one of AJ's old dinosaur figurines discarded by what must be Bucky's half-finished glass of sweet tea. They're engrossed in something, he and Nina, heads bent low together over it, a secret little conversation all of their own. At four, Nina's started loving those. She's determined to communicate everything either as a yell or a lispy whisper in your ear, both done with equal force and conviction. Doesn't help that her older sister is Sugar, and Sugar sees it her God-given duty to full body slam the whole world at any given opportunity.

Bucky moves his arms, lifting Nina up from her place on the floor to prop her against his chest. For the first time Sarah spots Alpine as a raggedy little ball of white in his lap, one of her tiny white feet poking out over the strong bend of his knee. Nina wants to cuddle with the cat, Sarah realizes, but keeps grabbing at her with abrupt movements and getting scared when Alpine startles.

"Gentle, we gotta be gentle," Sarah hears, feeling her lips twitch up into a small smile when it's followed by Nina's protesting,

"But I am been' gentle."

"'Kay, give me your hand. See? Like this." Together, they pet the cat once, Nina's chubby brown hand held delicately under the smooth metal plates of Bucky's fingers. "She doesn't get scared like that."

"Oooh," says Nina, pretty and wide-eyed, small bubbly voice filled with wonder. "She's so sof'."

"You wanna pet her again?"

"Yah! Can I pet her the whole night?"

Sarah can’t tell what it is. The way he is holding her, maybe, bracketed carefully upright but with enough space that she can be her own little person as she overbalances in the generous movements that four-year-olds so favour. Or the look in his eye, an open, selfless thing with no one around but Nina to see it, not quite adoring because he would never allow himself that with a child that wasn’t Sarah’s. This is something she has come to learn about him, has had to work to understand. But God, she feels it, that look, right in the center of her own chest. She watches him continue the conversation, listening intently to Nina’s small declarations, one hand reflexively coming up to cup the back of her head and tuck back the loose, flyaway curls haloing around her dimpled cheeks. Something sweet, aching, and long-forgotten wells up from a deep place in Sarah’s heart.

She makes it the rest of the way to the kitchen, slides down against the cabinets beneath the sink. By the time she has wrapped her arms around herself her cheeks are already wet.

She doesn't really know why she is crying. She tucks her hands around her mouth, tries to keep it quiet. It's not too hard at first; it's a quiet emotion that she's feeling. She pulls her knees up, and closes her eyes as tightly as she can, like maybe it will stop that way.

Footsteps creak on the kitchen landing and then she feels a warm body beside her. Her brother’s wide familiar hands cup her shoulders like he used to do when they were kids.

"Hey now," Sam says, somewhere above her.

"How'd you know I was gonna be here?" Sarah mumbles, face still covered, not without a touch of frustration.

"I'd like to think I know my sister."

"Shit," Sarah says, sounding far more watery than she means.

"You've had this look on your face all afternoon," Sam says, more gently than Sarah expects. "Been keepin' my eye out. You need a minute?"

Cass is nearing the end of high school, AJ about to start it, both turning into beautiful young men. She's so much older -- different body, different heart, different mind. Last week she heard on the news about another Black child in Baltimore, hurt by the people meant to protect her, and felt some measure of relief at her own decisions.

"I'm bein' so silly," Sarah whispers. She can feel Sam waiting on her, listening. "I don't know what's wrong with me, Sam. I don't know --"

She knows – he’s always been good with them. Even at his lowest points, those early days he’d visited, she had noticed. With her own boys, and their friends, and their cousin Lola’s brood last Thanksgiving – and there has been a quiet acceptance to it on both their parts, that this is it. They’re happy. Sarah is so overwhelmingly, achingly happy sometimes, at the fullness of the life she’s fought tooth and nail to build.

"I don't -- can you be grateful, like so grateful, I don't even know -- but there is a part of your heart that breaks anyways, I, Sam --"

"Oh," Sam says. "Oh, Sarah, yeah, of course. What happened?"

"Nothing," Sarah says, which is not a lie, and begins to cry in earnest. Sam wraps her up in a hug. She can still hear the sounds of the party, too-close, like it’s just outside the kitchen door waiting to jump in.

Sam shifts against her and Sarah realizes there is another presence pausing at the doorway. A child’s small voice asks a question. She stills, trembling, unable to calm herself. There is a rustle of movement, then toddler feet against Sarah's cracked laminate tiles.

"Hey bubba. You know where Cass is?"

"Yah. He’s playin’ in the backyard."

"Can you go hang out with him a minute?"

"'Kay."

"Okay. Thank you."

Three swift footsteps, and then he is there beside her.

"What --"

"Hey, hey, it's okay.” Sam, firm and reassuring. “She's fine."

"Sarah." There's quiet urgency to it. "Are you hurt anywhere? What happened?"

"She's just feelin' a little fragile right now," she hears Sam say, quiet above her.

“What …”

Sarah looks up, chest gasping, feeling a bit cracked open at the edges. Now that she has started crying, she does not know how to stop. It's always been like this. She hates crying, she remembers, ‘cause it’s always been like this.

Bucky is looking at her intently, brows drawn together in a soft shape, mouth parted slightly in the middle.

"Hey," he says softly, when she meets his eye. She is suddenly desperate to explain herself. She lets go of Sam, grabs onto him, brings her hands to his face. She presses one to either side and pushes her thumbs uncoordinated over the warm shell of one ear and the high curve of a cheekbone, feeling as though if she does not touch him she will fall apart.

"I love you," Sarah says, breath stuttering with the force of it. She is still crying, but she's moved beyond caring now. "I love you. I love you so much, I don't say it enough, but I --"

"Okay," Bucky says quietly, like he understands. "Okay." Then he folds her into a hug, letting her face press against his heart, beneath his chin. It’s not tight, not like the kind that squeezes, but there’s an unquestionable firmness to it. She can feel him press his mouth against the top of her head over the uneven crown of her braids. He is steady and present. She's pulled into his lap. She doesn't want to let go. She doesn't know what to do with all the grief that's so abruptly welled up inside of her, tangled into something beyond words. She can feel the murmur of some exchange above her head, and then the creak of Sam's feet leaving. They sit there for another minute, and Bucky is warm and solid and thrumming around her, and Sarah cries.

When he eventually shifts beneath her, Sarah operates on instinct and tightens her hold, nails digging into the hard curve of his shoulder blade. There is a beat, like he is making a decision, then Sarah feels a slight tensing of muscle, and the small swoop in her belly as she is lifted easily into the air.

She keeps her face pressed against the soft t-shirt covering his shoulder as Bucky walks them quietly from the kitchen into the living room, then beyond, to the den. The quiet click of the door shuts behind them, and Sarah is placed gently down on the rusty orange cover of the daybed, before he climbs up behind her on sock-clad feet and pulls her to his chest. He wraps himself around her from behind -- arms solid around her torso, knees bracketing her wide hips where her skirt has crumpled up around her thighs. He leans back against the wall, takes Sarah with him, and keeps them there, pressed together, only breathing steadily in the mundane fresh-laundry smell of the room.

The change in location helps her recalibrate. It's been so long since he’s stayed in here, Sarah thinks. Bucky’s a tidy creature by nature and habit, so he hasn’t really left much clutter behind. His books are on the shelf though, now, by her filing cabinet of tax stuff and the laptop Sam keeps at the house. Beside that is the small stack of college brochures she knows he’s collected in case Cass’s anxieties flair up again. Meticulous, like she said; over-prepared. Sarah has dealt with the hard press of survival by becoming a crisis-to-crisis kinda person. She’s always joked that there’s someone in her corner, throwing her in with Bucky and his compulsive twelve-step contingency plans.

She can hear a quiet echo of kids' laughter through the window, out into the backyard.

"Sarah," he says quietly, after a while. "I love you too."

"I know that," Sarah says. Her voice is stronger now, but raw. She looks down, rubs her thumb over the strap of his watch.

"You tell me you love me all the time." She stays quiet. “What’s going on?”

It is hard to explain. For many reasons, but foremost, because she doesn’t know if she can do it in a way that leaves him forgiving of himself.

“I think I had to grieve a little,” Sarah says.

He shifts around her, then runs his hands down her arm. Again, it is a movement light but unquestionably firm, and present. She can feel him press a kiss to her neck.

“Okay,” he says, and does not ask further.

They will go back out in a bit, she thinks, and be full of love for the life they have again. But in a minute, in a minute.

[jay-and-dean]

Yet another thing to celebrate

Dean x reader

Summary (I used the requester’s words) :  Reader’s birthday is on Christmas Eve, which generally sucks because everyone is either skint or celebrating Christmas.

Warnings : Fluffy fluff with a little fluff whipped cream on top. Very implied smut.

Wordcount : 3.6k

Note : This is my fic for @girl-next-door-writes Secret Santa (I reaaally hope you like it lovely, merry Christmas and happy birthday) hosted by @negans-lucille-tblr​ on @spnsecretsantaficexchange​.

I also made my participation to the amazing @acklesterritory​‘s celebration challenge, in the fic, my prompt was “I saw that, you just checked me out”, it’s bold in the fic.

The song refered to is She’s always a woman, by Billie Joel.

The text dividers are from the great @firefly-graphics​

Jay’s Masterlist

          Christmas…

           Before you even open your eyes, you sigh, grabbing the soft pillow in your fist and nuzzling on its softness in a sleepy grunt.

You don’t hate this day, but it often makes you a little sad despite your will to enjoy it fully. It is your birthday. December 24, the busiest day in the country, damn, in the whole West. And even if you are not the kind to want the full attention on you, to be spoiled or anything, you just wish sometimes that, for once, you could have a proper birthday.

           When you were a teen, you more than once even dared dreaming of a party you could throw, but Christmas is about family and basically about everyone. Not you.

           You dream of a little birthday party with friends, some drinks, music, maybe dancing a little... But it would be impossible unless you do it way before or way after, and it wouldn't really be the same...

           This year is different though.

           This winter, even if the celebration of your birth was totally forgotten, you don’t need anything more than what you have now. And what you have is Dean Winchester. Nothing is more important than that, nothing can make you happier.

           In fact, nothing can really make you feel any other way than blessed after this summer. After Dean kissed you on that hunt, after you two had sex in the Impala on your way home ; after later he asked you to stay in his bed for the night that other evening you both ended up naked. And finally, after he asked you to stay in his room for good a few weeks later, and started calling you his girlfriend.

           You smile thinking of waking up next to him and move your feet to find his behind you. But when you don’t, you turn and rub your eyes before opening them.

           Empty. Your shared bed is empty.

“Dean ?” is the first word you say, but the room stays cruelly silent.

Of course… It’s Christmas. He must be busy, like everyone is always on that day… The sting on your heart comes back... You have woken up with the man you love every single morning for the last few months, but not today.

           That is how lame your birthday can be.

           After staying in bed almost one hour, trying to shake that blues off by thinking of how blessed you are, you finally are about to get up and face that stolen day, but the door opens slowly.

           You close your eyes, not really knowing why, maybe just to avoid having to find an explanation for not getting up before if you were awake. The bed moves under Dean’s weight as he crawls on it slowly but you don’t move, even when he clumsily crushes your arm a little while hovering you.

“Happy birthday Baby” he whispers with his coffee breath close to your face. “Have you decided to skip today ? It’s almost noon.”

“Mh…” you hum, lifting your arms to reach his neck, desperate to feel his skin. “Thank you.”

You hesitate a second, wanting to ask him why he got up without you today, why he didn’t wake you with kisses and sweet words like he often does, but you don’t say anything, grateful enough that he got tired of you not being with him and came to get you.

           He lets a part of his weight fall on you, making you huff and laugh softly. His scruff scratches your shoulder, the rough fabric of his jeans is uncomfortable and his belt is digging to your hip but you wouldn't change a thing.

           Your hand goes to his neck and massages it softly, he hums, and you feel his body softly relax. You always know just how to calm him, how to make him fall back asleep after a nightmare, how to make his muscles calm after the roughest hunts. But after less than a minute, he grunts, sitting up.

"No, no" he shakes his head. "You're not making me skip that day with you ! Get up Baby."

He grabs your shoulders and playfully shake them, not realizing that even his kidding strength is huge.

"Geeet uuuup" he chuckles when your whole body is shaken and your laugh sounds funny because of it.

           The warm water runs along your hair and down your spine, and a soft steam fills the bathroom. For sure, that was a great late breakfast, with pancakes Dean had made for you, and his little stolen kisses.

           He is really making this day better.

           Maybe you can forget about your birthday now, and just enjoy Christmas like a normal person. You are loved, and you are happy, you don't need anything else.

           Washing your hair, you smile thinking of the tree the boys have bought, so big that they struggled to carry it up the stairs. You chuckle at thinking of Dean grumbling about the thorns covering Baby's seats. They even bought bags mysterious decorations and fairy lights they never let you see. The library now smells like Christmas tree.

           We're celebrating this year, Dean said. And in the years you have known the Winchesters, you indeed never saw them put so much effort in a holiday.

           A lot of things keep surprising you.

           Sam once told you that his brother had changed a lot since he was with you, making you worry more than anything else. You never wanted Dean to change, you love Dean just the way he is... Then you understood what Sammy was saying...

           You understood in the little things. Like Dean's new love for late mornings in bed, like him drinking a little less, being a little less reckless during hunts, humming in the shower, letting go more in bed, allowing himself to give up the constant control he has on himself... And in his will to celebrate Christmas. Dean is not different, he is just happier.

           Your eyes get a little wet with joy at the thought while your rub your body with the delicious smelling foam.

           Forget your birthday, if Dean's happiness demands this day to be the Christmas he didn't have as a kid, the Christmas he is finally allowing himself to want, then you are honored to help him make it perfect.

           You step out of the shower and your eyes meet the big mirror. In the middle of it, written with a big finger on the thick steam : "I love you Y/n".

           Your choice is made : This will be Christmas. This will be anything to make that man as lucky as you are.

"How can I help ?" you say, entering the kitchen where Dean is apparently trying to make cookies, wearing this apron he only puts on for great occasions.

"I'm making cookies men like in Shrek" he says pointing to the not-so-bad gingerbread biscuits he already cooked with his finger covered in dough.

           You come behind him and wrap your arms around his middle, forehead on his back, just feeling his breathing for a second. Dean doesn't stop what he is doing because he is used to you tenderly and randomly holding him, his clean fingers only come to gently caress your arm for a second before he shapes another cookie, chuckling when he adds a tiny penis to the little guy.

"I love you too" you murmur, nose grazing his back to bath in his smell.

He hums.

"We will eat dinner pretty early, I hope you're hungry" he says, looking at his watch. "I want to enjoy some time with my girl after."

You smile, getting on your tiptoes to kiss the uncovered skin of his neck above the collar of his flannel. He wants a lazy evening, making love like you do, or maybe try a kinky thing ; what is sure is you will gladly give him what he wants.

           Time goes by sweetly as you watch this deadly warrior check the turkey while his equally legendary warrior brother prepares another round of eggnog for the three of you. They move around like busy bees in the room and it's a perfect show.

           You sit on the counter, talking about silly things, sometimes doing something to help, when your boyfriend lets you. You keep sipping from the sugary drink, and watching the beauty of Dean just be before your eyes. Unaware of how perfect he is in his every moves, he just works with his strong arms and skilled hands.

           Your eyes linger a little along his thick thighs, and you bend your head to the side to enjoy the exquisite sight of the sensual curve of his butt.

"I saw that, you just checked me out" he says in a smile without even turning around.

"And ?" you let out in a chuckle. "What are you going to do about that ?"

At your surprise, he starts to rock his hips from right to left slowly in clumsy funny moves of his butt, like he wanted to sexy dance for you without stopping what he is doing, earning an eye roll from his brother when his hip hits him on his way.

           Christmas is already perfect.

           The table is beautiful. Different courses in pretty plates you didn't know the guys had filling it like you have only seen in the movies. There is way too much food for three people but you are so happy that your beloved Winchester can eat like they want for Christmas eve.

           Everything is pretty, the giant messy tree has real bright decorations on it and there are even a few presents at its feet, wrapped messily in colorful papers.

           But their most impressive work is the light in the room, changing the place completely. Almost none of the artificial lights of the bunker is on, and a subdued ambiance with fairy lights and candles make it look even more magical than it usually is.

"When did you find the time to do all that ?" you smile with unintended wetness in your enthralled eyes. "It looks... enchanted in here."

"You stayed in bed until noon" Dean says in a light chuckle, pulling a chair for you and putting a kiss on your cheek. "Merry Christmas baby."

"It's perfect, Deanie" you turn your head so his next kiss lands on the corner of your mouth. "Merry Christmas guys."

Sam sits, rubbing his hands at the sight of the turkey, and starts reminding his brother of an old memory of a past Christmas you listen with all your focus. Everything that can make you know more about their life always catches your full attention. You are, after all, their biggest fan.

           The story is about a Christmas when Dean was a teen. He had spent the night between 23th and 24th December with a girl and was really late to come back to the motel. Sam thought maybe he wouldn't be back for diner, he had already taken the cereals out of the closet when Dean showed up carrying the whole cooked Turkey he had stolen from the girl's parents.

           You look at your boyfriend with all the love in the world and bend to give him a kiss on the forearm while he cuts a piece of this not stolen meat for you.

"Her parents were dicks, and I couldn't let you starve, dad would have killed me" Dean chuckles, filling your plate.

           But you know the story must be really different from just that, Dean never brags about how great he was with Sam.

           You let out a little moan, tasting the food and Dean’s face is lit by a wide proud grin.

“It’s good ?” he asks before he even tastes, an excited hope in his eyes.

“Delischious” you answer with your mouth full, a hand before it.

           And indeed, everything is perfect. Dean, as much as Sam can playfully denies it, is a great cook. He has no technique, no cooking education, but what he has is a real love for food and comfort, a great experience on mixing things and tasting that gives him a perfect intuition. And, above all, the strong selfless will of saying "I love you" with food like some people have.

           Sitting on the floor next to the tree, you hold against you the red flannel Dean finally agreed to give you, and the books Sam bought for you. Your head is leaning lovingly on your lover's shoulder while he looks, exited, at the vinyl records he got, humming his favorite songs.

           You crawl between his thighs and rest your back on his chest, your head back, temple grazing his scruff.

"Best Christmas ever" you smile, feeling his lips graze your cheek. "So what is the program of a Winchester Christmas after that ?"

You close your eyelid and take a deep breath of Dean's scent, expecting a sexy proposition.

"We're going somewhere" he smiles, and, when you open your eyes, you see Sam put on his coat.

"Now ?" you frown, a little confused. "Where ?"

Dean gets up, putting you on your feet with his strong arm, and takes his coat and yours from Sam's hands.

"I'm not telling you. Take your jacket and get in the car."

           He is silent on the road despite all your questions.

           You listen to the car's purring and look outside to try to guess where they are taking you. The white snow covers the sides of the road with a very thin and delicate layer, the headlights are hit with little swirling snowflakes, and no clue betrays their surprise.

           Sam is smiling, looking out the window. You know they have been planning something, and you know you will love it. Maybe they will show you a place they used to go when they were kids, maybe take you to a special place where you can see the stars so clearly, like this time last summer.

"Come on Dean" you say, kneeling on Baby's back seat to wrap your arms around him from behind, going down a little to feel his firm chest though his shirt under your palms. "Tell me."

"You can't wait just five minutes" he tries to grunt, but it sounds more like a chuckle.

           You fall silent, not letting go of him, holding him like the precious treasure he is, occasionally smelling his hair, kissing his shoulder and tracing the contours of his ear. You just can't stop touching him, and since that talk you had after sex once, you know how much he loves it.

"Aw" Sam mocks you like he often does. "You two are so cute."

"Fuck yeah we are" Dean groans, turning right to a one way road.

"You know Christmas is already perfect" you smile. "You don't have to surprise me again."

"Yeah, I know" he says, parking in front of a bar. "But, it's not only Christmas today."

           You look around, confused. The guys open the door, letting the freezing cold enter the Impala, and get out in a perfect sync. You follow them, lifting your eyes to the colorful neon lights reflecting in the snowy night. Around on the parking lot, more cars than you would have expected are parked, and you wonder who would spend Christmas eve in a bar like this one.

           But before you can wonder why they would have taken you there, to this bar you never heard off, your boyfriend's hand wraps around your waist and he guides you inside, pushing the heavy doors.

           The first thing that hits you is the perfect warmth of the inside. The temperature is perfect but not only : the music is smooth like honey, it's this kind of blues that is paradoxically happy and comforting, it smells like wood and whiskey ; and above all, here too, there is something about the light that feels like a hug.

           The second thing that hits you is the welcoming familiar face of Garth smiling to you.

"Garth ?" you frown and feel Dean's lips graze your ear. "Happy birthday Baby."

He lets go of you to walk to the people there at the bar, arms open to greet them, letting you stunned.

           You are recognizing all you friends there, still in their Christmas clothes, walking to you to hug you and bring you drinks and for a few seconds, your body just stays still.

           No one is missing, not one person. And, even if you don't have hundreds of friends since you joined the hunter life, you have never seen a room so full of love.

"Let me take your coat" Jody says, seeing you froze to the spot.

"I... You're here for me ? Th-they planned all that ?" you stammer with some watery emotions filling your eyes.

"Dean did" Jody smiles. "We followed."

             You're sipping from that delicious drink the bartender made according to your tastes, unable to take that smile off of your face. Donna, a little tipsy in her pretty outfit, is telling sexy jokes with a full dimpled smile, making Sam chuckle and Charlie high-five her, spilling a little of her drink on you.

           From the corner of your eye, you look at him.

           He is bending on the pool table with a smirk, his beer next to him. From here, you can't hear what he is saying to the other players, but it seems a little cocky. After only a few seconds staring at him, it's like he felt it and he looks up, giving you the cutest wink.

           And you blush. Because even after all you have lived together, even after the kinky experiences, the intimate moments, after seeing him cry, yell, suffer or come... A wink is still enough to turn you to a blushing mess.

           All evening, he has been keeping his distance just a little. Not avoiding you at all but not clinging to you, to let you enjoy your friends, to let you have the full experience of a birthday party like you dreamed of since you were a teen.

           A birthday with loud silly discussions, a lot of drinks, inventing silly tipsy games with your best friends, trading your clothes in the bathroom, catching up as much as dancing with each other... And you never felt loved that much.

           Dean's love is the sun in the middle of your world, but now you can also see the stars, and it is probably the best night of your life so far.

           He managed to do something you never could for years and all your friends agreed with his crazy plan. They all had an early Christmas diner to be able to drive here, offer you too many drinks and be there for you. They all made it about you and you're both incredibly grateful and emotional. And since most of them will come sleep at the bunker -and eat all the leftovers with you tomorrow- you don't have to care about the time.

           Suddenly, a music note catches your ear.

           You know that note by heart. It is the first note of your favorite love song, it is the firsts notes of what Dean hums in your ear sometimes when he holds you after making love to you, pushing your hair on the side to see your sweaty bliss face.

           You turn you head and meet green eyes, closer than you expected.

"Hey" he says, taking your hand.

"Hey" you smile.

He tugs gently at your arm, pulling you away from the bar to wrap his arms around your waist.

           You have missed him. Of course he was here, but after everything he has done for you, you really have missed holding him, smelling his skin and kissing his lips.

           He starts to sway his hips really slightly, humming the love words of the song, and you throw your arms around his neck, looking up at his perfect face.

"She can kill with a smile, she can wound with her eyes..." he whispers the lyrics, fingers grazing the skin of your neck.

And for the hundredth time today, your eyes fill with happy tears while his fingertips go down on your back to hold your waist again.

"Are you having fun ?" he asks low, one hand stroking your lower back tenderly, thumb pushing your shirt up discreetly to feel your skin.

"It's the best night of my life" you give him your most sincere smile. "Dean... You are really incredible, you know that ?"

"Yeah" he nods, hiding his shyness in a kiss on your lips.

"I really was ready to chose Christmas, you know ?" you state, swaying your hips slowly with him, forgetting the rest of the world in your bubble of love.

His plumb lips gently raise on the corner, and he lets go of you to search his pocket.

"I didn't have to choose between hunter life and happy life thanks to you, so I'll make sure you never have to choose between your birthday and Christmas" he murmurs in your ear, before kissing your temple.

His hand reach yours and he opens it to put a little thing on your palm.

"What do you say we had yet another thing to celebrate on that day ?" his breath tickles  your neck and you look down to your hand, discovering a little golden ring with a tiny blue stone in the middle of your shaking palm.

"Dean ?"

"Marry me Baby ?"

FEEDBACK IS SO IMPORTANT TO ME

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[cali-holland]

Thanks for making me cry 😭😭

Say Goodnight | Harrison Osterfield

Summary ↠ you and Harrison broke up before he left to chase his dreams in Hollywood. With 5,000 miles between you, you’re both struggling to adjust to life without the other; exes to lovers; prompt: “why did you call me at 2 in the morning?”

Warnings ↠ angst with a happy ending, a breakup, one curse word?

Word Count ↠ 2.7k

A/N ↠ I miss Harrison. A lot. And I haven’t written enough for him, so…here ya go! This is definitely inspired by Ariana Grande’s song goodnight n go, which never fails to hit me in the feels (listen to the version from her live album… it’s magic).

This is also my fic for @t-holland2080​‘s writing challenge! Thanks so much for hosting such a fun challenge Sammy - I hope you enjoy this :)

(a repost because tumblr decided to block me out that tags lmao)

You didn’t think it was possible to cry this much.

Harrison’s standing in front of you, glistening tear tracks running down his rosy cheeks. His eyes shift over your face, guiltily running the lines and curves of your cheeks and your forehead, trying desperately to stay away from your eyes, because you both know that seeing the heartbreak reflected in his icy blue gaze will be too much. Your chest hurts and you’re shaking, but you know that everything he’s said is true. You know that breaking up is for the best.

But that doesn’t make it hurt any less.

“I still love you,” Harrison tells you quietly. He rocks back on his feet, his teeth grazing his lower lip before he adds, “I’ll always love you, Y/N. The timing just…”

“The timing isn’t right,” you finish. With shaky hands, you reach up behind your neck and your fingers fiddle with the clasp of the necklace Harrison had draped around you, all those months ago. He makes a small sound of objection as the chain falls heavily into your hands and you hold it out in front of you. “Keep it,” you urge. You finally let yourself meet his eyes, and you try to stay strong as you grab his hand and push the chain into his palm. “So you don’t forget about me whilst you’re off being a movie star.”

Harrison reluctantly pockets the chain, his eyes lingering on the solid curve of the H. “I could never forget about you, Y/N.”

Keep reading

[wordynerdygurl]

Act 1, Scene 1

Author’s Note:  @your-highnessmarvel​ offered up a challenge a couple of months ago and I took on a prompt.  Then the world went and got screwy, which is not an excuse for my tardiness, but is maybe an explanation as to why this is being submitted so late.  My thanks to @your-highnessmarvel​ for baring with me and letting participate in such a cool event!

Also, I hope everyone is going well... staying healthy and observing personal distancing guidelines!   Also, also, you know I love the love, so comment, reblog, request a story, send an ask, join the tag list, follow me and/ or otherwise feed my need for validation! Also, Also, also, @sammy-jo1977​ is my cheerleader, reader and writing buddy!  Thanks for being so great to me!! Pairing:  Loki x Female Reader with Natasha stopping in for a visit Summary: My challenge prompt was Loki, On a Street Corner, Right after the rain. It was a hot and steamy night, after drinking at the bar.  Loki sets the stage for you, if you’re brace enough to perform. Warnings:  SMUT, Thigh riding, fingering, voyeurism, mention of FMF threesome

"How much room does one person actually need?  God!"

You couldn't help the frustration from filling your voice.  Loki, taking up the entire park bench, his legs spread as wide as possible, was now eyeing you darkly from under a curtain of rain damp raven hair.  "Everywhere I sit is my throne."

"This?  This is your new throne?  A shitty, splintered park bench across from a bar called The Blue Shamrock?  Ha!"  

Draping his long arms along the wet back of said bench, Loki lifted his head skyward, "I bring regality to the mundane.  This seat, once decrepit and damaged, is now reborn."

Snorting, you kicked at his booted foot, "Come on.  Move, Loki.  Move or I'll sit on you."  

It's meant to sound menacing.  A warning.  But Loki chuckles lightly, "You, little kitten, are drunk."

Striding confidently into the gap between his knees, you laughed teasingly, "No, you are."

Even though the rain had stopped the air was heavy with it.  Sticky, sweaty, wilted, you brushed Loki's hair off his face, giggling, "It was the shots.  Why do you let me drink tequila?"

Sitting forward, Loki raised an eyebrow, "Why?  Do you really want to know, little one?"

Nodding, shifting your weight off the ball of your tired feet, your long, lethal God raked a heated gaze over you.  Turning from you, he sighed into the steamy night, "Because once you have too much tequila, you can't stop dancing."

Licking over his bottom lip, longing lust in Loki’s baby blues, he added, "You start shaking those hips… your ass, and well, it is just about the sexiest thing I have ever seen."

Giggling again, you sway a bit, still light headed from the bar, “Oh really?” Lightning quick, arms circling your waist pull you to his sweat soaked chest, throwing you off balance.  One minutes you’re on your toes, the next you're straddling his strong thigh, clutching onto Loki’s shoulders.  Already a bit dizzy, the smell of Loki mixed with the summer rain, dark liquor, and wet ground makes your head swim.  

A nearby street lamp illuminates the drizzle drenched pavement in weakening, widening, circles.  Loki's makeshift throne rests on the outer edges of that halo, half in shadow, half in light.  It's a good thing, too, because his hands are under your skirt, scratching against the sensitive skin where your bottom becomes thigh.

Tugging down your rising hem, "Hmm… Loki, someone might see."  Murmuring into his ear, you aren't able to hide the aching want in your tone, the raw need he's building with each scrape of his articulate fingers.  But that didn’t mean that you wanted an audience.

Laughing sharply, Loki drags you closer, "That’s true.  Although, you didn't care who might see you when you were on the dance floor.  Pressing yourself against me… against Natasha, like a bitch in heat.  You cared only for your own pleasure, regardless of the spectacle you caused."

“Loki… I…”  You never got the rest of the words out.  Growling softly, Loki tangled a hand in your hair, pulling you towards his hungry mouth.  Parting thoughtlessly, your lips eagerly accepted his tempting tongue.  Your arms, without prompt, curled around his neck, fingers twisting into Loki’s jet black locks.    

Settling further into Loki’s kiss, your center rocked against his denim covered leg.  Your panties, thin cotton and barely there, ensured that you felt every bulge and ripple of his meaty quad.  Responding in the only way it knew how, your body bucked, already wet and warm, “Loki...?” Breathing hard, Loki pulled back, “Yes?” “Not here.  Please?  Somewhere private, Ok?”  An image of your big bed with sex rumpled sheets crossed your mind.  Paradise, and only a short walk from this very bench. “Now my girl is shy?”  Tucking a swath of hair behind your ear, Loki set you standing, “Alright… Let’s go somewhere private.” Stepping away, fingers laced with Loki’s, you start in the direction of home only to be yanked back.  “What the hell?” “This way… a shortcut.”  Stepping behind you, Loki prods you with a small shove at your lower back.  Rounding a corner, he pushes you into a dim alley, away from any stray glances.  As soon as darkness covered you both, Loki’s mouth was on you, nipping at the sensitive skin under your ear, causing you to whimper, “Oh!” There’s a heady rush to the way Loki moves you, like his personal puppet, under his control. Part of you wants to stop him, shout at him, push him away.  That would make the most sense.  But being with Loki had nothing to do with sense.

So you let him lead you through an oil stained puddle, stumbling against the cobblestones, those strong arms breaking your fall.  It's all Loki needs to press his advantage.  The bricks, cool against your back, are a surprising yet welcome respite from the mugginess of the evening.  

In the distance you can hear the thump of dance music and the din of drinkers inside the bar.  Closer at hand, a loud gasp leaves you as Loki roughly lifts you by the knees, his carelessness making you wetter.  Searing, Loki’s kisses are sloppy along your throat, down to the deep vee of your shirt.  Petting your breasts, under your shirt, over your bra, causes goosebumps to breakout over your exposed skin.

“Hmm… such a needy little thing, aren’t you, kitten?  Are you wet?  I’ll bet you are… I’ll bet you have been all night.  Just hoping that I’d take you like this… or would you rather it was Natasha?” Loki’s words were scalding, just the suggestion of something between you and Black Widow made your back arch in want.  Before you could answer, his hands, always so clever, sought and found the soaked gusset of your panties.  Sliding the flimsy fabric to the side, one long teasing digit slid into your fevered flesh, a mere taste of what Loki wanted to give you in the dirty, dank, darkness.    Clawing Loki’s shoulders, you use the wall as leverage, raising your pelvis as you conquer the space between your bodies.  A sudden desperate need takes over.  Whether it’s fueled by the oppressive heat, the strong alcohol in your system, your wantonness, or Loki’s urging, you want it all.  And you need it now.

“No.  Not her.  You.  Always you, Loki”  With your legs hooked over his hips, you clench around his invasion, drawing a guttural groan from your God. Suddenly empty, Loki hoists you higher, focused on freeing his straining length.  Those seconds are precious and you use them to pepper his jaw with kisses.  Nibbling on his ear lobe, you whine, “Hurry, baby.  Please.” And then he’s filling you.  The force of his thrust is so strong that you flatten against the wall, fingers gripping the mortar, as the air leaves your lungs.  You turn your head, gulping for breath, as Loki withdraws, only to rut into you deeper than before. Cupping your mouth with his hand, Loki sneers, “You said somewhere private, not soundproof, pet.  You’re going to have to be quieter if you don’t want anyone else knowing how slutty you truly are." Eyes widening over his palm, you nod, as a sinful shiver snakes up your spine.  Loki’s free fingers find your clit, rubbing you in tight circles, mimicking the rhythm of his grinding groin.  You can’t think of anything dirtier than Loki taking you to the edge of pleasure in this filthy alley and it tightens your abdominals in anticipation of your climax. When Loki’s hand slips from your mouth, you’re biting your lip, keeping all your noises to yourself.  Muscles tensing, you’re seconds away from your peak when you notice a shadow over Loki’s shoulder.  You’re being watched.  And instead of worrying about your guest, your gaze locks with the newcomer, small moans growing into full on wails of ecstasy.

Silent steps bring the short silhouette closer, a smile visible in the gloom, as Natasha watches as you unravel around Loki.  Something about her witnessing your debauched display makes your quim quiver.  You notice how she licks over her bottom lip, seeing you spread out for Loki’s enjoyment, and you simper, needfully. “Go ahead, let it out pet.  Show everyone how pretty you are when you cum for me!”  Loki’s words trip your bliss, a spiraling, soaking mess of satisfaction.  Your velvet walls lock down against his steely strength.  With a low keen, Loki buries himself in your yielding cleft, his release long and large. Shaking, you ride out the after effects of your orgasm with Loki still inside of you.  Turning your face to his, Loki kisses you deeply, his tongue tasting the tequila you let overwhelm you earlier in the evening.  Nose to nose, you see Loki smile, “Natasha!  I hoped you’d find us.” “It was such a lovely show… but I wonder if there’s a second act?” Smiling at the woman in front of you, Loki’s cum coating your thighs, “I’d be happy to give you both a private performance.  Preferably someplace with a soft bed and air conditioning.” “I know just the place...”, Loki smirked at you, one eyebrow raised teasingly. ***

It was early morning when the final curtain went down on your one woman show.  Muscles soft, lips chapped, and voice hoarse, you finally found sleep as the sun lightened the sky.  Curled between a God and a hard woman, command performances would simply have to wait as even the most ambitious performers need to rest now and then.

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