dumb-intp

[dumb-intp]

Just found out I have flamingo socks. It matches with my flamingo cardigan. I have never been happier.

[dumb-intp]

They're meeting my parents for the first time and there's this moment I really like.

ENFP mom: *enjoying her talk with ENTP*

INFJ dad: *tried to be intimidating*

ENTP: *all smiles and just relaxes*

ENFP mom: what's your hobbies?

ENTP: oh th– that was rare. No one ever asks me what's my hobby is. I like to cook?

ENFP mom: that's cute! What do you like to cook the most?

INFJ dad: what's your job?

ENFP mom: honey, no. Ignore him, he's just stressed. Anyway, what do you like to do for fun?

ENTP: *smiles* beat my–

And then ENTP just stops. They look at me, panic in their eyes. From what they told me after, they would have said "beat my meat" if I didn't cut them saying "yeah, you're really good at mario kart."

[dumb-intp]

If it's true the way you hold your s/o's hand was your place in relationships, mine is just swinging in full circle and I don't know what's that supposed to mean

[dumb-intp]

I just sneezed and my cat looks at me like this.

What does that look even mean. Is she judging me or worried about me

[dumb-intp]

Holy shit a kid and his dad just walks past by me and I'm having a good time speaking with the kid. Even though it's mostly just "ahaha yeah" "yeah her name is Ameng" "hi" "bye!"

[dumb-intp]

Uhm

INTP: oh, INFP looks decent for the first time, maybe I should complement them. And when they ask "why am I complementing them" I'll said "INFJ told me to" you got this INTP, be nice for once.

INFP: hey INFP! It has been so long since we met!

INTP: looking good, INTP!

INFP:

INTP: why are you quiet. I just said you look good, say thank you.

INFP: you said your own name.. though?

INTP:

[dumb-intp]

So this happened.

INTP: don't you think ISTP is a little too close to me?

ENTP: nah, no, they're fine

ESTJ: they're comfortable with you, INTP.

ISTP: sshh enjoy my presence sweetheart

[dumb-intp]

Have you ever look at someone and think, "I really want to hit you but I will feel bad about it."

[dumb-intp]

Yeah, we're good friends now.

ISTP: yo INTP!

INTP: oh, you're that bitch everyone hates! Hi!

ISTP: and you're the fucker who insults people for fun! Hey, how are ya?

[dumb-intp]

Idk how it happened but it did

Drunk ESTJ: you guys are drunk. Really drunk. Look at your faces, red, not .. not sober, the opposite of sober

Drunk ENTP: baby, intp, I told you to never be drunk! It's bad for you. And estj, it's hangover. I swear it's hangover. The opposite of sober is hangover.

ISTP: so here we are, again, we never get the chance to talk do we?

INTP: I prefer to stay that way

ISTP: yeah I like you. Anyway, how come we never exchange numbers?

INTP: because I don't like you?

ISTP: feisty, I like it.

Drunk ENTP: I don't know about estj, but baby, intp, I think you two should kiss

ISTP: yeah I agree

INTP: ENTP? I know we've only been here for ten minutes but can we go home now?

Drunk ESTJ: you two should kiss

Equally drunk ENTP: kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!

[dumb-intp]

I remember my first ever heart attack.

ENTP: INTP? Are you busy?

INTP: hold on, I'm taking the personality test, I think my MBTI changes.

ENTP: we should talk.

INTP: *drops phone immediately* yeah? Sure, why? What do you need to talk about? What should we talk about? Is there something I'm missing?

ENTP:

INTP: ENTP? Is today our anniversary? Did I do something? Is it your mom's birthday? I don't remember her birthday. Your dad? Your lil bro?

ENTP:

INTP: okay I don't know. Forgive me.

ENTP:

INTP:

ENTP:

INTP: I'm going to do a wild guess. Someone died in our neighborhood? I can't read expression, ENTP, I'm not a psychic. Please just tell me.

ENTP:

INTP: Dooo you want to break up?

ENTP: No, that's stupid. But I have been thinking..

INTP: oh

ENTP: I was thinking maybe we should make out

INTP: DAMN YOU TO HELL I WAS SO FUCKING SCARED

[dumb-intp]

Idk it's 4 AM. Did I really woke up at 1 AM and stare at the ceilings for 3 hours straight? Yes. Am I aware of that? No.

[dumb-intp]

This just happened

INTP: ENTP, I don't think we're supposed to be together. You're an ENTP. While I'm an INTP. We clash. We can't be together, y'know?

ENTP: how so

INTP: idk? People said we can't be together.

ENTP: who

INTP: I just said people!

ENTP: yeah I know. But who?

INTP: people!

ENTP: do you know them personally?

INTP: no..?

ENTP: do they know you personally?

INTP:

ENTP: exactly

[dumb-intp]

Another b99 reference I am not sorry

ISTP: you'd make a decent prostitute

INTP: I'd make an amazing prostitute.

[dumb-intp]

GUYS I HAD ENCOUNTERED MANY INTERACTIONS

—

ENTP: why are you scared of me?

INFP: I'm not scared of you. I'm scared of everyone equally. You're not special.

—

INFP: listen. I can't let you do this anymore. Do you ever, heard the name "internet"? I heard they know everything.

INFJ: ooHHhh!! SIS SNAPPED!!

ISTP: IF YOU DON'T STOP SAYING THAT I WILL SNAP YOUR NECK

INFJ: *whispers* ooh... Sis snapped...

—

ESTJ: so, do you like me?

ENTP: I have a girlfriend

ESTJ: pfft, yeah sure, who would want to be with you?

INTP: hey, ISTJ, full counter offense, everytime I look at you, I always get the urge to punch your face. That's an insult. Please take it.

ESTJ: so ENTP, do you like me, or like like me?

—

INTP: sometimes I forget I have a gf and everyone already knows

ISFP: you have a gf?

—

ENTP: that's just ridiculous. We don't do pet names.

INFJ: sure, what do winnie the pooh likes?

ENTP: *already knows where this is going* death

—

ISTP: oh MY GOD why did I just realized that I'm so cute like– honest to GOD so cute. Why nobody dates me?

ESTJ: can you not do it right now? There is someone dying

ISTP: of not meeting the most cutest person ever in earth? Sure. Serves em right.

ISFP: I don't understand.

ESTJ: as you always do

—

INFP: why don't you just wear glasses if your sight is bad?

INTP: why would I? I have social anxiety. Wearing glasses would just be like, having social anxiety in HD.

—

INTP: ENTP!? Did you see my ear plugs!? I can't find it anywhere!

ENTP: your what?

INTP: my ear plugs. But with sticks? Little stick. Making sounds, or like, it has songs in it? I know it doesn't make sense but I have it!

ENTP: airpods?

—

ISTP: ugly? What's that? Never heard of them in my life

ESTJ: probs cause you're deaf

INTP: that's offensive. You have to respect the deaf. Not ISTP though. Never respect ISTP.

ISTP: what have I ever done to you?

—

INFP: hey ISTP? I have made a mistake, I'm sorry

ISTP: YOUR MOM MAKE A MISTAKE 21 YEARS AGO

—

Drunk ENTP: hey, are you single?

INTP: I'm taken

Drunk ENTP: who has taken you? God? Baby, I'm no religious person but God sure did a good job on you. Maybe you should, you know, leave God and be with me?

—

INFJ: INFP is really patient, they're like the epitome of peace and I've never seen them dislike things

INFP: that's not true, there's one thing I dislike and very much would love to get out of

INFJ: what is it?

INFP: life

—

ESTJ: why are you crying?

ISTP: excuse me, despite contrary beliefs I still have heart while you don't. Let me cry in peace.

—

Drunk ENTP: hi, we meet again

INTP: sure we did

Drunk ENTP: I lost my numbers, can I have yours?

INTP: you already have

Drunk ENTP: and your purse. your phone. Your wallet. This is a robbery. While you're at it, give me your heart too.

—

INFP: *singing*

ISFP: your singing is horrible, stop it

INFP:

ISFP: I'm lying, keep singing.

—

INTP: how do you say lmao and lol in real life?

INFJ: I usually said el-mao

ISTP: wasn't it le-mao?

ISFP: lol is more right

ESTJ: I don't know about you guys, but usually normal people just laugh

—

Drunk ENTP: name one thing you wish they were real but aren't

INFP: my will to live

Drunk ENTP: I'm talking to INTP, go away

—

ESTJ: some guy just can't take a hint that I'm not interested

Drunk ENTP: yeah sucks right

ESTJ: oh, hey there drunkie, you remember your name?

Drunk ENTP: fuck off

ESTJ: Interesting, my name is ESTJ

—

INFP: you guys know the saying "I'm in spain but the s is silent?"

ISTP: lame. I'm in spain but the in is silent. IM SPA

—

INTP: people saying Daddy in sexual terms outside bedroom is major turn off

Drunk ENTP: not what you said last night

INTP: we're doing it inside the bedroom, ENTP.

—

Drunk ENTP: baby! Baby boo, come here

INTP: no. You're drunk.

Drunk ENTP: *lowers their voice* I said come here.

INTP: *runnings to ENTP*

—

ISTP: guess who's getting a sugar daddy?

ESTJ: you?

ISTP: no. You. Here's the money, the key to my house, be there.

—

Real life human people is fun

[dumb-intp]

Something I know that has happened w/ my ENTP, so I use B99 as an example.

INTP: if they like you, they trust you!

ENTP: fine. How do I get these morons to like me?

INTP:

ENTP: stop calling them morons

INTP: good instincts!

[dumb-intp]

Playing Among Us is easy especially when you said "anyone got lasagna?" "I just want lasagna" "my mom brought lasagna anyone want it?" Even though you're the Impostor, you can still win, cause nobody would accuse lasagna lover.