#same with an OC - we're so used to them ONE way...maybe have someone else who isn't familiar with your OC look at the comparison photos

[miqojak]

Dawntrail Graphics Appreciation Post

I think lots of people are so accustomed to the old, outdated graphics version of their characters, that they just need time to adjust to the new graphics, for the most part (most comparisons I see look exactly the same, when people are complaining about the changes). But in the meantime, enjoy some characters no one has any attachment to! Look at how good all these random people from my collection of 'characters I've designed but never used' look in the new graphics! Freshly moisturized skin for the win!

( I love my green Elezen and long to make her, and the Roe featured is actually named Crying Dove, and she's an NPC that's part of Jak's backstory, and runs a brothel in Ul'dah. If only this game were more alt-friendly...)

[pinievsev]

Heyy i saw u have ur requests open for sweet home and OMG I NEEDED TO REQUEST SMTH CUZ THE LACK OF FANFICS IS INSANE.

Could you write something with park chan-young? maybe reader or oc (whatever you prefer) helping him to get on that bus in ep2 and then them meeting later on again?

i never requested anything so i hope this makes sense lmao. Thank you alr and btw ur account is amazing!

loose knots

Park Chan young X GN! older sibling of

Kim Su-Yeong & Kim Yeong-Su! Reader

Genre: Fluff (maybe angst)

Warnings: maybe some cussing, reader smokes . (This is sweet home we're talking about)

A/N: I honestly have no idea what to title this but I stayed up all night watching as much of S2 as I could to come up with something. (Bro reader doesn't know Chan young's name for most of this and I hate using "soldier or officer for him but idk what else to call him. So take a shot for every time you see those words in this.) (AND THANK YOU!!)

© The-Lemon-Boy on Tumblr

You sat in the back of the truck with the remaining survivors of your "group" from the green home.

Eun-yu currently had a gun pointed at one of the officers in the front of the truck, basically forcing them to take you all back to the green home apartment complex.

You understood that she's trying to find her brother, but she's basically killing all of you.

The truck stopped Infront of the apartment complex, most of the building collapsed onto itself leaving a giant gap in the middle of it.

You stayed back as she went inside, hoping to find Eun-hyuk. Watching as ji-su held the gun pointed to the officer, just like eun-yu did.

It all happened quickly, and now you were tied up in the building,you felt the second officer, that was instructed to tie you loosen the knot on your restraints.

"i kept the knots loose. Find a safe place once we leave" he whispered to you and got up, sparing a second glance towards you to make sure you heard him, and left once you nodded.

You looked up, hearing someone coming your way. "Is that?.."

"Ms. Im." Eun-yu finished for you, she walked past you, ignoring you all. Leaving you confused. Hadn't she turned?

You watched as they hit her with the truck, and as that asshole of a soldier was about to light her on fire, his head got impaled with some kind of tentacle.

And you heard something you hoped you'd never hear again. "I can't see!".

You remember when hyun-soo had come to help you and your siblings, you remember that monster, and how it almost killed you. You remember having to keep your hands over your sibling's mouths.

You untied yourself, just like the soldier had said, they were loose and easy to undo.

You got up and slowly walked outside, everyone following you just as slowly, you saw the same soldier that tied you, about to shoot the monster, he glanced as you and you put your finger to your lips shaking your head, telling him to be quiet.

He simply nodded and pointed behind him, at a bus. You led everyone slowly there, and a guy, you never caught his name despite living in the same place for so long, began trying to start the bus.

It worked after a few times but the monster had heard you, the soldier began shooting at it and ran after the bus.

You held onto the door with one hand and extended the other to him, he reached out and after a few tries he caught your hand and you pulled him onto the vehicle.

With a quick "thank you" and a nod to you he took the wheel. And you drove off.

You sat next to the broken window. Looking outside. You turned to eun-yu who sat opposite you after hearing her call your name. A cigarette in her mouth and one in her hand, extended to you. You'd somehow become friends.

"want one?" You nodded and took it with a thankful smile. She handed you her lighter, a green one. You recalled it being sang-wook's.

You placed the cigarette between your lips and lit it, giving her lighter back. She moved to sit next to you, so the smoke wouldn't stay inside the bus.

After finishing your cigarette you fell asleep.

You didn't know how long you had been asleep for but you awoke to eun-yu shaking you.

You exited the bus, following eun-yu, you didn't know why, but you trusted her so you didn't ask her.

You jumped, startled after hearing a gunshot coming from the bus. You ran back, seeing the same man that had started the bus turning into a monster.

The weird man that had entered the bus midway poured some kind of alcoholic liquid on the floor and as soon as the now turned man saw his reflection on it, he started wailing.

It was the most blood curdling scream you'd ever heard, you covered your ears and kneeled down next to your little brother.

As if realisation had hit you like a truck you looked around frantically searching for your sister. The soldier stood Infront of you and your brother, as if to protect you. You looked up at him, tears threating to spill from your eyes.

He looked at you. As reassuringly as he could through his own teary eyes.

Ji-su grabbed the thing that the man had dropped, some kind of explosive? And lit the monster on fire. Killing it.

Once it's screaming stopped you rushed on the bus Yeong-Su right on your trail. You looked around and saw your sister, laying on the floor, lifeless.

"Su-Yeong!" You screamed running towards her kneeling on the ground. The tears actually leaving your eyes. You held her to you with one arm, wrapping the other around your brother who was now crying uncontrollably.

"Su-Yeong..." Your brother cried through his sobs.

You let her go, still crying. And picked up your brother who was screaming for you not to leave her walking outside where everyone was. You shook your head and most of them looked down, holding themselves from crying.

But the soldier. He walked up to you, placing a hand on your shoulder. "I'm sorry.."

You shook your head, sniffling "don't." He nodded and walked off, you all followed. Your brother still screaming for Su-Yeong.

..

You're now in the stadium, next to eun-yu screaming for ji-su. She simply smiled at you and nodded. You took a deep shaky breath in and hugged eun-yu to you, covering her eyes and looking away yourself.

You heard the chunk of the stadium finally break off. And crush her.

You stood up, pulling eun-yu along, you needed to find your brother.

..

You sat in the makeshift base the platoon had made for the survivors with your brother. Zoned out. Until you heard the alarm go off. Roll call.

You stood up, holding your hand Infront of you, lining up against the wall with everyone else.

The soldiers checked everyone, and the same soldier that had brought you here stood Infront of you. He nodded but you didn't react. He moved along checking everyone else.

Once the roll call was over. Your brother ran off to play and you sat back down. You had nothing to do. You felt weak.

Eun-yu walked past you, waving slightly. You waved back. She was strong. She actually did something. Unlike you. You felt useless.

You saw an old lady struggling to lift something. You stood up and helped her. She thanked you telling you where to place the box. Once that was done you bowed to her and left. You walked around your living area, helping people as much as you could.

Out of the corner of your eye you so the same soldier again looking at you, once he made sure you'd seen him he walked off. You followed him.

He led you behind some kind of staircase. And made sure no one was around before talking.

"I'm Chan young." He said a smile on his face. You scanned his face, he had a nice smile. You noted.

"y/n." (I hate using that.) You replied.

"are you okay?" He asked you placing a hand on your shoulder just like he had done back on the bus.

"as okay as I can be. Are you?" He sighed, looking down for just a moment but you saw him.

"i guess I am. It feels like we're stuck here, my duty is to protect the survivors and it's like I can't even do that properly"

You shook your head making him look at you with a hand on his cheek. "you should focus on protecting yourself as well. Physically and mentally. The conditions we live in are not easy. You of all people should know. I understand you want to protect everyone. But if anything happens to you, no one else will."

He stared at you, processing your words. This is the longest he's ever heard you talked. Your voice was calming to him. As much as what you'd just said to him.

He didn't know what to say. He just nodded at you. "Is that all you know how to do?" You joked, your hand still on his cheek.

"what?"

"nod. You've nodded at me at least a dozen on times in the past week." He chuckled.

"i just, I'm not sure what to say to that." You laughed. And lightly patted his cheek a couple of times before dropping your hand

"you don't have to say anything, just think about what I told you. Chan young."

And with that you were off.

From then on he'd always speak to you when he had time. You'd sneak off at times and talk, about anything. Your lives before the world you know today. Your feelings. Through that, he found you were good at giving advice and even if you didn't know, you always helped him calm down, or forget anything negative that was pestering his mind.

..

Right now you sat on your "bed" looking at your brother playing with a baseball down the hall.

"can we talk?" You looked up, seeing Chan young Infront of you. You nodded and got up, following him to your usual place, one of the secret paths chief Ji had told you about.

You stopped not too far away from where you entered, the only light being his flashlight.

"what's up? Did something happen?" He shook his said at your question and with a *click* the light disappeared. You stood confused.

"Chan you-?" You got cut off, feeling his lips on yours. He pulled away after you didn't react turning his flashlight back on and apologised.

You reached down and turned it off again, making the first move this time. He immediately reciprocated the action.

It was soft and sweet. As if you were a fragile porcelain doll that would break at any point.

But he knew you weren't. You were much more than that. You were the person that helped him through his troubles. The person he'd grow to trust the most during the time you'd spent underground.

"thank you" he said quietly, nearly unheard. But you did hear it. And smiled. "Thank you." You said, putting emphasis on the 'you'.

You heard a light chuckle coming from him before he connected your lips again.

You couldn't possibly imagine what would've happened if he hadn't tied you up loosely back then. And you didn't want to.

..

A/N: and yes. Ladies and gents I thought of a title.

[hwashotcheeto]

Have you ever thought of villain Hwa? Maybe he's like also a tiny bit in the Mommy Hwa role but he's super angry at the world for not returning the huge amount of love he has for them and his tiny fists get angry n stuff- and then he decides to have revenge on "selfish" people who aren't really what he thought they would be with the amt of love he gave them... (it's pretty dark and scary) and then and then- someone helps him realize that despite the darkness in the world and how he has a right to feel that way there still is light and they bring his cute heart back to a safe and more secure place- while both y/n or oc or however become justice seekers or some kind of superheroes or smth and Hwa and y/n are satisfied at the end of the day

And when they get home y/n turns around bc she thinks she heard someone crying quietly (it's Hwa) and then he just hugs her and thanks her "for taking care of Mommy bc he really needed it"

I decided to drop this at the front desk of the library bc I love all of ur sweet and beautiful Hwa things...

First off, thank you for sending this in, darling. 💜 Thank you for the sweet words as well.

Secondly, I am a villain Hwa enthusiast (Tbh, I've put this man into so many roles, he could be Barbie). And if anything, I know this feeling all too well, so I'll gladly make something with this.

And just so we're all on the same page, when we say Villain Hwa, this is who I imagine

WC: 2k (wow she's long)

CW: Angst, mostly, but fluffy towards the end, vague descriptions of gore and throwing up, and one "Mommy" at the very end (lmk if I missed anything)

It's no surprise to anyone that the world is cruel and dark. In general, the world isn't a fun place to be. You'll get a very different answer depending on who you ask.

But for as much as people like you and I will argue that the world has some good in it, it's hard for some people to see it.

Seonghwa, unfortunately, had reached a breaking point.

He gave so much love to the world, to everyone in it, and got nothing in return.

The first few hundred times he was brushed off, he didn't let it get to him. Helping people made him feel happy, and giving love to people made him happy.

To see smiles light up people's faces, to see their eyes light up, was the greatest sight he could imagine. His heart felt full.

But even the most selfless person needs a moment to be selfish.

Seonghwa, alone and abandoned by those who he gave love, snapped. The selfless little voice in his head couldn't take it anymore. Didn't want to take it anymore. To be used and thrown aside, and not even recieve a "thank you" for anything he did.

"Just one!" He cried, tears in his eyes, his hands shaking from anger. "Just one person to say thank you, just one!"

But it was more than just "thank you" that he needed.

Seonghwa's skin craved the feeling of someone else's. If he closed his eyes and concentrated hard enough, he could feel it. Fingertips against his cheek, palms against his chest, arms around his waist.

But not just anyone's. Yours.

You and Seonghwa were lovers. For years, you'd been by each other's side, being each others support, your other half, the piece that completed you.

But why is it all in past tense? Why weren't you here right now, holding him in your arms, telling you how much he loved and appreciated you?

Because you'd left. Not because you didn't love Seonghwa, you loved him more than you'd ever loved anything.

You'd left to train, to be better, to protect him. Honestly, he wasn't hardly listening when you'd told him. All he remembered was that you were leaving, and he wouldn't see you for months.

And it had been months. And you weren't here.

With no way to contact you, or hug you, or even see you, Seonghwa had been spiraling. And he found himself on his knees in his home, completely and utterly drained.

And as he did, he had a revelation. An epiphany. An idea that might make himself feel better.

He'd hurt those who'd hurt him.

Revenge is a fruitless, endless road that will bring you nothing but emptiness, he'd heard before. But he just wanted someone to feel what he felt. To feel what it felt like to be weak, drained, used up, spent.

To make everyone who was so selfish to abuse his kindness suffer.

And never hurt anyone ever again.

Was your departure the catalyst for Seonghwa's shift? No. But it definitely didn't help.

You were standing beside your chief as you looked at the mutilated body of a young man. You were silent and pale as you tried to keep your food in your stomach.

But a breeze pushed the smell of rot into your nose, and it all came up before you could stop it.

"Go sit down, rookie," your chief gruffly said to you, to which you agreed with a nod, trying to wipe your mouth and prevent a second wave from rising up.

You stumbled away from the scene and spit up the rest of the disgusting mixture of bile and breakfast. Months of training don't prepare you for how to not lose your stomach at the sight of gore and the smell of decomposition.

"You'll get used to it," one of the detectives said as you spit into the street. The taste made your stomach churn all over again. You looked at him, and he offered a sympathetic half smile. "If it makes you feel any better, I threw up my first time too."

You nodded and leaned against the building, then slid down onto the ground, hugging your legs.

You'd insisted you could handle this, and it turns out, you can't. You'd left your life, your home, your boyfriend, for this. Because you believed you could do this, and wanted to be useful.

You were starting to see it less and less as the days went on, especially with this.

Your chief came over and made you stand back up, despite still feeling sensitive and nauseous. You tried to focus on what he was telling you, and putting the pieces to the scene and making sense of the details, but it was all foggy.

Until he mentioned something that made you perk up.

"A witness said they heard the name 'Seonghwa,' but it's not the victim's name. There's a high possibility that's our suspect."

Seonghwa?!

Your sweet, loving, charitable, selfless, goofy boyfriend? The boyfriend who cleaned so intensely, you could see your reflection in any surface? The boyfriend who'd cuddle you every night and make sure you fell asleep comfortably?

Seonghwa couldn't have been the one to murder and mutilate a man.

Much less someone you thought he considered a friend.

It couldn't be him.

It couldn't be...

Five unsolved murders later, you were losing your mind.

Five, FIVE, in one MONTH. And they were all tied to Seonghwa. They were all killed the same way, torn apart the same way, left in a mess the same way.

How could this be the same man you loved?! How could he have done this?! What had happened, why was he going after all of his friends?!

Your numerous calls to him hadn't worked, your desperate attempts to catch him hadn't worked either.

Honestly, you weren't sure if you wanted to find him in this state. If he was tearing apart his friends, would you be a victim too?

There was no discernable motive anyone could find, so it was a possibility that plagued your mind for the weeks he was out there.

You slept with your gun in your bedside table. It pained you to even think about hurting the man you loved.

But you had to protect yourself. You wouldn't turn into a number. A victim.

It turns out that keeping the gun beside you was a good move. But not because you were the target.

It was raining. No, storming. Thunder claps and lightening had kept you awake, alongside the paranoia and fear.

Amidst all that, you heard screaming outside your bedroom window. Living in the city, it wasn't anything new, but this was different. Running, then footsteps, then more screaming. A sound of someone being tackled. A struggle.

You shot up out of bed and grabbed your gun, hastily pulling on a mismatched outfit of clothes before you threw open your apartment window and looked into the alleyway below.

Just as you'd feared, it was him. Seonghwa, your love, your world, had someone pinned to the ground underneath him. You recognized him, he was another one of Seonghwa's friends. He already had blood on his face from an injury you couldn't see.

Your heart was pounding so hard, it could've exploded. You climbed out of your window and onto the fire escape before you screamed:

"SEONGHWA, STOP!"

To your surprise, he did. He stopped and whipped his head around, looking up at you. And despite the position he was in, he smiled so big when he saw you.

"Love! I mis-"

"PARK SEONGHWA, WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!" You screamed again, starting to run as carefully as you could down the slippery fire escape. His face and heart dropped, but he couldn't be surprised.

As you made your way down to the ground, his would be victim had escaped. And as he ran off, you saw the Seonghwa that had been doing all this.

Dead, dark eyes stared him down as he left. He had a blade in his hand, his shaking hands. His was face twisted into an anger you'd never seen. Not anger, rage. It scared you, it terrified you.

How could this be the man you'd left behind all those months ago?

Seonghwa looked at you, and the monster of rage disappeared. His eyes were bright, his face was soft. He put the blade away as he properly turned to you.

But neither of you said anything. You had too many words to say to him. He had no way to explain himself.

More than anything, you wanted to hug him. You wanted to tell him you still loved him, you missed him, you wanted to go home with him. But now you knew their was this angry, evil dark side of him.

You didn't know if you felt safe with him.

So you asked the one question that'd been in your mind since this started:

"Why?"

And Seonghwa opened his mouth to answer you, but nothing came out. He started thinking, then closed his mouth.

A few seconds later, he burst into sobs and dropped to his knees, covering his face with his hands.

What had he done? What had he become? He wasn't anything like he wanted to be. A murderer. Vengeful.

Selfish.

His selflessness wasn't appreciated by this world, by the people in it. He'd hated it, hated those who took him and used him, who made the world seem so much darker and crueler than he'd ever seen.

And what did he do? He made it worse. He took lives. Hurt people. Hurt himself.

It was true. Revenge is a fruitless, endless road that will bring you nothing but emptiness.

You knelt in front of him and pulled Seonghwa's hands away from his face. He stared at the ground, still sobbing.

"I was tired," he finally rasped out.

"Tired?" You said, exasperated. You felt anger start to bubble up inside you. "All this because you were tired? All this murder and-"

"I was tired of being used!" Seonghwa sobbed, gripping onto his own jacket.

The rain was coming down harder now. Buckets of water were pouring over the both of you, your clothes completely soaked through.

"I did so much SO MUCH, and I never got anything! No one told me if they appreciated me, if they loved me, if they even liked me!"

Seonghwa was shaking now, his words coming out as broken gasps and sobs.

"I gave so much love! So much love to selfish people who wasted it! Just once, I wanted someone to tell me I was good, that I was okay, to prove the world wasn't such an awful, cruel, disgusting-"

You threw your arms around his neck and hugged him tighter than you'd ever hugged him. Seonghwa didn't skip a beat, he hugged you back and cried into your neck.

The love he'd been begging for was here. The touch he'd been craving. And oh, it felt better than he could've ever imagined.

"You are good, Seonghwa," you whispered. "You are good, you are kind, you are loving." You choked back your own tears as you spoke.

You hated the world for what it had turned your boyfriend into. Your sweet and selfless boyfriend had become a monster.

And it could've all been prevented from a hug. A simple recognition that he was loved. Wanted. Needed.

"I love you, Seonghwa," you whispered.

He hugged you tighter and bawled like a baby.

The world cried with you both. Buckets of rain, drenching you both, thunder shaking the buildings and lightening showing flashes of the sun in the night.

It could've been hours that you were in each other's arms, on the ground in the alley. It could've been days. Time wasn't important.

But you both knew you had to run. You abandoned your training for him. You saw what he'd become without you.

As you stepped back into Seonghwa's house, he hugged you tight again, from the back, nuzzling into your rain soaked skin.

"Thank you," he whimpered. "Thank you...for taking care of me."

You turned around in his arms and held his face with both your hands. Seonghwa's eyes were as you remembered them. Big, round, soft, gentle. They held the moon and stars in them.

You wiped the tears and rain off his cheeks. "Anything for you, Mommy."

Oof, that was a lot. I felt a lot of myself in that, I've been feeling underappreciated lately too.

I hope this wasn't too far off from what you wanted, @peppermintlattelover, I tried to stay in-line with the prompt as best I could. The more I wrote, the more I liked where it was going, but I hope you like it too.

With that being said, thank you for reading! Please reblog if you enjoyed! 💜

This is a work of fiction written by me. This does not represent the idol in any way. Any re-upload is not allowed and will be reported.

[damnfandomproblems]

regarding #5796

there needs to be some form of... of regulations (and I know fellow adults are going to be wary of that word) that helps better tune which groups interact. there's the adults who want to indulge in age appropriate content (be that NSFW, heavy and mature themes like psychological issues or in depth socioecologic issues, or gore), there are adults who don't want to engage with that content, or maybe only the mature themes, there are teens who want to engage in age appropriate mature themes like in YA novels kids shouldn't be reading yet... and there are the very young teens who find their way to the internet even though, speaking from experience, they really shouldn't

there needs to be a way to keep that in check, and I don't mean something done by the people who use the site/social media, I mean the ones who own and run the site/social media

minors have been on the Internet since it's inception, adults have had to be there by design and those with the knowledge of how were likely the ones to first start forming groups around similar topics or for them. there's no two ways about this, we both have been here since the beginning and minors will always try to get where they shouldn't be (I have an alt Twitter with several minors blocked for trying to interact with/post in NSFW circles... seriously why did they not just wait?) and no that's not safe, and no, we adults are not their parents, so there should be something in place that helps keep them away from content they don't want to/shouldn't see at their age

third spaces are disappearing for everyone. I'm a night owl and just have to have discord calls with friends at night while drawing/playing games because even adult oriented late night spaces are disappearing unless I want to drive 2 hours to a major city (I don't) and back (I really don't). there used to be parks, stores, restaurants, random places that small towns had for both adults and minors to hang out, but that's dying out and we're all turning to the internet to have those spaces

and while minors do contribute to fandom (I have a personal policy in place to only like posts because personally I feel very odd and awkward even attempting to interact with anyone under like 23 much less under 18), y'all do need to recognize that it's not just for and by you. we have been here since before we were your age (I've been interacting with some fandoms since I was 10! yes, that's why I say there's people who are too young to be on the Internet), we have followed in the footsteps of the adults who started conventions, cosplay, fanzines, fan meetups, themed parties and the like, we now continue their work with fangames, Multi Animator Projects, webcomics, etc. and yes, there are and can be exceptionally talented minors but they are exceptions because everyone goes at their own pace and some of y'all learn fast. I have adult friends in fandom who are starting in art, who are just now learning the skills to make their fanart and OCs, and writing from both can be very hit or miss for the same reasons

listen what I'm saying is that both groups need better help from social media sites and companies to keep us separated because as many Internet safety tips as can be shared or genuinely needed warning posts can be made we are both stuck in this mess due to outside society. we need the ability to keep our different types of groups to themselves so minors can have their fun safely and talk and ramble and be as 'cringe' as they want, but so can adults in their respective areas because we are going to make the content regardless of someone else's ideals or demands. there needs to be better rules in place to keep us from clashing and to keep minors safe because it feels like (so my opinion) Internet safety is being forgotten

Posting as a response to a previous problem.

[parkitrighthere]

Heyy

I just have some constructive criticism! I've read your works for a while , they're all pretty good ! But with ashes of promise I've encountered a small problem...it doesn't seem to have a base , like base emotions of characters , I feel like for a good story we need to get like a basic setup of a character so that we can resonate with it but with jk and fml, they're pretty indecisive, and I get that maybe it was your plan all along , but it felt throughout the chapter that we were simply going back and forth with no momentum whatsoever , like maybe somethings gonna change and then we're back to square one in just some paragraphs later. Also I feel like to keep readers hooked you have to give out some kind of info rather than showing us the same indecisive side of jk just as fml sees it . So I feel like if you refined the characters more and made them not around in circles , it might help make the story better!

It's just constructive criticism! Nothing else , feel free to not take it at all , love you byee!

Hi Anon! I hope you're having an amazing day. First off, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me! I really respect your perspective as a reader. Honestly, your message really made me pause and think. I mean, do my characters really lack a solid base? That thought has me reflecting, but at the same time, I feel like we’re still pretty early in the story. We’ve only had two chapters, and there’s still so much more to unfold. But I’m definitely not dismissing your feedback!

It kinda stings to hear that the characters might seem indecisive, but I also feel like they do have emotional depth (at least I hope so). They’re just in the early stages of their journeys, and they’re still working through their struggles, which will bring out their true selves in the end. But hey, let me quickly summarize what’s happened so far:

In the prologue, the OC comes to the Lycan palace for a royal gathering and meets Jungkook, only to find that he’s not interested in her at all.

In Chapter 1, there’s a bit of a hot-and-cold dynamic with Jungkook—he sets rules and is cold, but then he’s unexpectedly sweet in the garden, only to fight with her later that night.

Chapter 2 focuses more on the OC’s internal struggle. I totally agree that I haven’t clarified her motives well enough, but I did touch on her backstory. She was wanted by her old alpha, but she chose to wait for her mate. Then tragedy struck—her luna died, and the pack members blamed her. She was left alone, with no one to turn to, and it’s a pretty human thing to blame the one who seems weak. Since they couldn’t blame the alpha, she became the scapegoat. She was young, weak, and alone, with her parents already gone.

Elizabeth’s entrance in Chapter 2 is key, too. Her arrival was HUGE because it sets up how OC might seem weak now but is actually super strong for surviving all that. But here’s the thing—OC thinks she’s trying her best to win Jungkook over, but she’s not really trying. She just thinks she is.

Jungkook’s perspective hasn’t been fully explored yet (but Chapter 3 will spill a lot, promise—his POV is coming), but I’ve dropped some hints about his backstory, especially his complicated feelings toward his mother and his fears of becoming like his father. It’s subtle for now, but it’ll make more sense as the story moves forward. And yeah, the whole back-and-forth dynamic is there because the OC has only been at the palace for a few days—like, less than a week (I hope that’s coming across). I get why that feels frustrating as a reader, but it’s meant to be a gradual push-and-pull as they both figure out their emotions. Jungkook might seem cold and strong, but deep down, he’s dealing with some serious vulnerability. He sees OC as someone who might doom him the same way his mother did his father. This fear says a LOT about him if you read between the lines.

I totally get why you’re feeling that frustration—it’s not easy to see the characters going in circles, but trust me, they’re heading somewhere big. And, as I’ve teased, you’ll get some major revelations in Chapter 3. Things are about to get a lot more intense, especially with Jimin, the Blue Moon, and the attack (you’ll see soon!).

Look, I’m still learning and growing as a writer. I’ve been writing for a long time, but this is my first time working on a full story, so I’m just figuring things out as I go. Please trust the process, and I’ll do my best to make it better! Your feedback means a lot to me, and I’m really grateful for it. I hope I didn’t sound defensive or rude, because that’s not my intention at all. These characters are like my babies, and it’s tough to hear they’re not coming across the way I envisioned, but I’ll keep working on it!

Thank you again for taking the time to share your thoughts with me. You’ve really given me something to think about, and I’ll do my best to improve. I truly respect your opinions. Luv u 2! 💕

[choicesficwriterscreations]

September MC & OCs of the Month - Special Edition: Celia Moore

Help us in welcoming September's MCs and OCs of the month! That's right, plural! Most months, CFWC highlights one randomly selected MC or OC from our Meet My MC / OC List. (More info here.) But this month, we're doing something different.

In August, @lilyoffandoms hosted a Writers Appreciation Month, and we announced the September Writer of the Month would be selected from its participants. But all participants agreed - Lily deserved the honor! Still, we wanted to do something nice for the eleven writers who elected to participate to help uplift other writers in the fandom. So, this month, each of the eleven participants will have one of their MCs or OCs highlighted.

We will introduce each MC / OC individually, and once all eleven have been highlighted, a masterlist for the month will be created. We hope you enjoy getting to know all about them!

The ninth MC of the Month is @trappedinfanfiction 's Celia Moore!

Learn more about Celia below...

In your own words, tell us what you like most about your MC. 

It’s hard to say exactly what I like most about her, but probably her dedication. She doesn’t back down when things don’t go her way and will always do everything she can to do what she believes is right. She has worked hard to end up where she has, and she knows it; she won’t let the words of others destroy her own accomplishments. 

Do you feel your MC is like you at all? How are you alike or different?

I feel like I put some of myself in every MC/OC I have, and Celia is no different. She might be the one that I am the most alike, but at the same time, she’s a lot different from me. Maybe a bit more like how I want to be. She’s passionate and not afraid to speak up if something is wrong and is willing to take risks to turn things in a better direction, especially in the medical world. She’s also a lot more social than me. While she enjoys her alone time and keeps a smaller circle of very close friends, she doesn’t really have a problem talking and getting to know new people. 

What is most important to your MC? What is their motivation in life?

The most important thing for Celia is the people around her, her family, friends and patients. They are her motivation. She wants them to have a good life and wants to help where she can. She hates where the medical world is heading, where money is becoming more important than what the people needs. As her influence in the medical world grows, she uses her privilege to work for a world where people don’t have to go into a life-time of debt just to get the help they need, and that no one should be turned away just because of their looks and identity. 

What are their biggest pet peeves/dislikes? 

People who always think they know best because they googled something and generally rude/intolerant people. “Oh, you’re a woman? You have to be a nurse. Let me speak to a man.” is something she hears a lot, and it makes her blood boil.

If your MC could change one thing - anything - what would it be? 

If she could change the world, she would. She knows it’s impossible in reality, but through her work she knows she at least can help her patients. She will do her very best to give every single patient the help they need. Be it someone to talk to, or finding the right treatment.

What is your MC’s favorite quote or song? 

This one is so hard! I never have any idea when I am asked about music, because what I listen to isn’t necessarily what my MC/OCs would like and I honestly can’t even settle on my own favorites. However, I can see her liking Raleigh Carrera’s music.

Is there anything else you’d like to share about your MC?

I never believed that I would ever post any of my writing, but Celia has been my door into sharing it. She has developed into her own character outside the MC I played as in Open Heart and I have had so much fun writing her story. She was my escape during the pandemic and I have gotten so many friends in the fandom because of her. Some have left, and some are still here, and I am grateful for every single one. I never believed what was supposed to be a small drabble would lead to where things are now.

[lavishlyleo]

The Truth About Venus and Why it Can't be exalted in Cancer

My retake on the Cancer vs Pisces : Who should Venus really be exalted in? post.

I've read almost all the responses under this post talking about how Venus makes more sense exalted in Pisces, and although I still stand by some of my previous claims, I do have to say I may of had a change of heart.

Yall brought up some really good points, it made a lot sense and fit the narrative I didn't see before, which is what Venus actually represents in a person's chart.

A lot of you guys worded it a lot better than I could, but to basically give a summary of what everyone said that I agree with is that while Venus does represent relationships of any kind, money, art, indulgence, ect, Venus is about what we want, not what we need. It's about things that make us happy in the moment and we crave more and more of it because we can never get enough of it and it's not truly fulfilling, it's just things that give us cheap thrills.

In this light, I can see how Venus is a lower octave of Neptune because both are related to addiction, art, indulgence and idolization. Pisces is ruled by Neptune the planet of addictions, what our generation dreams and fantasizes about, what kind of art and symbolism our generation enjoys, and what we're delusional about. It's about what makes our generation happy, but not fulfilled. Venus relates to a singular person at a time in this regard, where as Neptune has to do more with a generation, but both are essentially about the same things.

Venus is about what makes us artificially happy in the sense that Venus is like candy and sweets; Yeah it taste good and we want more, but it's not bringing us much nutritional value or anything, and in big amounts it's harmful to us. Where as the Moon is like a full course dinner, yeah we like it, maybe not to the degree of the candy, but it fills us up, satiates our hunger, and keeps us more fulfilled than the candy.

Cancer, as a sign, strives for that longevity of nourishment and emotional happiness, it will go through unpleasant times, trials and errors until they found the one. They do not love freely and only invest their time and emotions into something they know will pay off for them in the long run. If you just so happened to be the one, they will love you what seems like endlessly and show a devotion like no other, however it is likely if you did not match up to their ideals or check off the boxes for them, they would not love you the way they do, which like someone said in the comments, it's conditioned love, it's love at a cost.

Venus loves freely without attachment to anything, taking and loving freely as it pleases and doesn't want to worry about the longterm consequences, it's all about satiating that urge in the moment. Something Cancer is not about, they are worriers of the future and things will impact them later.

I never really looked at Venus in this light before but it does make sense, and I'm surprised I didn't see it sooner. Either way, these are the main reasons to me now why it isn't exalted in Cancer, and why Venus is not all it seems.

However these are just my thoughts, what do yall think Venus should be exalted in? Is there anything else you think Venus is about? What does Venus and the Moon mean to you? Let me know your thoughts💕

Here's the post in question ⤵️

Heyy! This is gonna be the first post on here with my art in it!💖💕

His name is Nitro Nexus💕

But his drag name is Lexi Rexha💕

This will probably be a character featured in a lot of my art. He is my oc/persona💕

You can find more of my art here ⤵️

🌸 My Instagram 🌸

[illarian-rambling]

Thanks for the tags @inseasofgreen @theink-stainedfolk and @drchenquill!

OC Questionaire (Mega Edition)

My questions:

What's the one place you wish you could be at this very moment?

Who do you go to the most for emotional support?

Do you tend to be a night owl or an early bird?

Are you petty?

Do you forgive easily?

Would you describe yourself as very emotional?

What's one thing you wish people understood about you?

If you could relive any moment in your life, what would it be and why?

What's a habit you wish you could break?

I think I'll answer for my little freak of a fae ghost, Pash

What's the one place you wish you could be at this very moment?

Hell, if I know. Anywhere, I guess. I've always wanted to see the world, but never managed it, so drop me any place and I'll probably be happy.

Who do you go to the most for emotional support?

Bah, I don't need emotional support! I'm Fair Folk. I do what I please and take what I want. ...But Anarac is a really great listener when I need to talk, just don't tell anyone I said that.

Do you tend to be a night owl or an early bird?

Night owl, for sure. I'm a musician by trade, so I'm used to late hours and lazy mornings. They always say you can sleep when you're dead, and I've found that to be true, but it hasn't stopped me from staying up til the crack of dawn many a time.

Are you petty?

A fellow once said my hair looked funny during a show, so I snuck up to his room and dyed his beard green. Never even learned the bastard's name. Does that answer your question?

Do you forgive easily?

In the Exumbra Hive, you learn not to take things personally. I don't care if someone trips me because they think it's funny - I'll get them back when I sleep with their wife. We're all out for our own pleasure in this world, so you can't get mad when someone steps on your toes following what they want. You'd do the same to them, after all.

Would you describe yourself as very emotional?

Ah, I don't think so. My crewmates call me laid-back. I just tend to let things wash over me and don't get too troubled about it.

What's one thing you wish people understood about you?

I'm sorry, but Illari folk always get their britches in such a twist over the smallest things. When I take the ship's hammock, it's not because I hate you personally. It's because I want a good night's sleep and I'm quicker than you. If you wanted the hammock, you should've taken it from me. I'm not going to be mad - if you're bigger and stronger and toss me out, that's just the way the world works.

If you could relive any moment in your life, what would it be and why?

Of my life? Playing my first gig, easily. ...Or maybe my first excursion past the Hive walls. I can't decide. It should be my first gig. I'll go with that one.

What's a habit you wish you could break?

Why would I break a habit if it's enjoyable? I can't say I really have too many habits, to be fair. I'm not the addictive type - you'll want the captain for that.

He's really normal until he's not. I'll tag @cedar-sunshine @nofuckingideawhatsgoingon @gothamxwattpad @the-golden-comet and anyone else who wants to play :)

Your questions:

Do you have a chore you absolutely hate?

Tell me an embarrassing childhood story

Are you a good person?

[faytelumos]

Found this from @lexiklecksi and decided I wanted to do it.

Then I waited for forever to fill it out and forgot what the little title for this game was, haha!

---

1) What motivates you to write?

For one thing, I feel like it's my best skill. Back when I got started, well over a decade ago, it was experiencing all of these stories I loved that inspired the desire to become a part of the magic.

Deep down, I have stories to share. It's always nice when a lot of people see my stories and like them, but my biggest goal is to get those stories to the people who need them. It feels deep-seeded, and I know if everything stopped tomorrow, one of my biggest regrets would be that I wasn't able to get my Story out to people it might have helped.

2) A line/short snippet of your writing that you are most proud of; if not, share a line of someone else's work that you love (just be sure to credit).

It's been a month and I cannot for the life of me think of a story line I'm especially happy with, so have my favorite ever poem, which is by Robert Frost, recited from memory:

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep,

But I have promises to keep

And miles to go before I sleep,

And miles to go before I sleep.

3) Which OC makes you smile every time you think/talk about them and what are they like?

Maybe Ræs. He's a mess of a person, honestly, but in a realistic way. He doesn't really have tact when it comes to sensitive matters, he comes off as abrasive, he's angry, he doesn't really know what he's doing, and he's got some ingrained biases he doesn't want to face. But he's trying his hardest, and I think, despite all of the rough starts and choppy interactions, he comes to realize that the people he meets in this story really truly care about him in a way he hasn't seen since he was a little kid.

4) What process of writing do you enjoy the most?

The feverish inspiration of a new character or plot development. I love it to death when I can't stop thinking about something, when I'm fifteen chapters away from this scene but I've written it in my head ten times already, when every song I hear is about them or this. It's fleeting, and even if it weren't, I couldn't survive an extended period of this, but it's the chemical I crave when making my way through a project.

5) What part of writing do you think you're best at? (Stroke your own ego, it's okay.)

Internal monologues. I'm really good at thought processes and being in a character's head. Moving from thought to thought, reaching conclusions and using them to fuel the next process, I feel like I really have that idea down.

6) What is something in the writeblr community that is most enjoyable?

The comradery. We're all a bunch of writers and we love reading. Since a lot of my work is currently in the hero/villain community, there's a lot of passing around of the same tropes we all love, and I definitely enjoy that, too.

7) A writing tool/device that help you with writing (i.e. text to speech, a program, etc.).

I don't use much except a word processor. I use one on my phone and a different one on my computer, but both of them have the ability to make folders and reorganize documents, which I use liberally.

8) A piece of worldbuilding that you like in your own story (it could be the magic system, a particular place, a law, etc.).

In my first book, there is a sense of that same-old fantasy setting, where everyone's wearing frocks and going to the river to do laundry. But then, here and there, I'm able to sneak in hints of technology. There are steam engine trains. There are chemical heaters so people can have hot baths indoors. There are disinfectants and surgery procedures. There are certain things that remain in the past as we see it (no printing presses, no personal transportation), but the world is different enough to be somewhat unique.

9) What piece of advice would you give to encourage others to write if they are having a rough patch?

Write for yourself. If you're feeling burnt out, stop the projects that are draining you and just write for only yourself. Write some really self-indulgent fanfic or poetry that you know will never see the light of day. Write an unhinged essay on why A and B would never do that (or why, no matter what, they always would have) and tuck it straight into your pocket. Remeber why you started writing, or if you're new, really truly be kind to yourself and realize that you are learning a new skill and it can be bumpy.

Writing is such a personal and intimate expression, and if you're having trouble baring yourself to even a hypothetical world, then curl up and let your heart bleed in private for awhile.

10) Tag some people whose works you love/have been your biggest supporters.

@the-modern-typewriter is actually a big part of the reason I even started a writeblr. Other folks I love to see are @surplus-of-sarcasm, @those-damn-snippets, @the-phasea-kalogria, @thepenultimateword, @sternenmeerkind, and @unorganisedalienrubbish, @robin-parravel, @bryansartbooth, @thelazywitchphotographer, @why-am-i-on-this-website-anyway, @pebbles-pile, @severalonions, @thepromiscuousfinger, @alltimelowing, @canonicallyshort, and @perfecthologrambluebird.

(Obviously these tags are no pressure because some of them don't follow me and several of them don't post writing.)

[decks-writing-blog]

The Borealis: Chapter One: How Do You Know That?

Summary: Gordon and Alyx go to the arctic to find the Borealis.

[A/N] First a disclaimer: I haven't beat Half-Life Alyx yet. I started it the same day I started writing this fic but then I got Covid and injured my side coughing. Thus there was a solid 3 week span in which I couldn't play it because I was too physically unwell to do so, thus I finished this fic without having finished the game. I know how it ends though (I accidentally got spoiled before I even started playing) but because I don't know the context surrounding that, I chose to go about achieving the same thing in a different way. Especially since said different way allows for a good opening to this fic and lets me treat the other 2 Gordon focused HL fics I've written to be canon to this fic (you don't have to read those to understand this one though). So basically, if this fic contradicts something in Alyx, that's why. I'm able to play again though (thankfully, I've been itching to continue because I love the game) so I might be able to catch some of that in editing but we'll see because I play VR games quite slowly.

Second: Half-Life 3 confirmed! Yeah, yeah, old joke, but it's relevant to me now so I'm making it again. Basically I was super frustrated that we're never going to get a canon conclusion to the Half-Life story (the Epistle 3 doesn't count, it directly contradicts what is now canon thanks to Alyx and would've changed drastically during the development of the game, so it doesn't satisfy me at all) so I thought it might be fun try to write a conclusion to the story myself. I didn't write it as a 'video game story' because it's not a video game, thus it's not really me trying to write Half-Life 3. Just me taking where Ep 2 left off and continuing the story, focusing more on the characters and their relationship because character focused writing is my strength and what I enjoy writing the most. That being said, this fic did actually push my writing skills a bit, I feel like I've improved because of it.

Also Content Warning for the fic as a whole but it also opens with Temporary Major Character Death. (Which is why the Keep Reading cut is right under this author's note.) Time resets and Gordon comes back when he dies, he Kills Himself a few times to accomplish this. Also, another far less severe warning but potentially still important: OCs pop up throughout the fic as the plot demands so if you're hard against OCs in fanworks, maybe this fic ain't for you.

~

Alyx sobbed over Eli’s body, pressing on his chest rhythmically… or attempting to be rhythmic, she was too frantic, sobbing too hard. Not that that mattered; the blood pooling on the ground, leaking from the hole in the back of Eli’s head made it clear just how futile that effort at resuscitation was regardless of how good it was. One couldn’t be expected to think rationally after watching a loved one die.

Shaking off the last of the dizziness, Gordon sat up. He fumbled along the ground until he found where his pistol, usually magnetized to the HEV suit’s leg, had fallen to. Lifting it, he pressed it to his forehead. Killing himself was in ways worse than someone or something else killing him but that didn’t make it any less necessary. If he had this power, he was obligated to use it for good.

Closing his eyes, he focused. Right after the rocket launch, before they stepped outside would be a good spot to return to. He pulled the trigger.

As always, he blessedly didn’t hear the gunshot or feel the bullet enter his brain; it was too fast for human senses to register, making it in other ways the best way to reset time. Instead, one second Alyx was sobbing desperately, the next everyone was congratulating themselves and each other on the successful launch of the rocket. Again to Gordon but to them it would be the first time; he was the only one who ever remembered.

Opening his eyes, he stood in front of the rocket’s command console. Through the window the trail of the rocket was still visible, the portal already dissipating. A victory for sure, one he wasn’t going to let be ruined by Eli’s or anyone else’s death.

He knocked on the desk with the metal part of the HEV suit’s glove, getting everyone’s eyes on him. Not something he did often, it was easier to let people talk even if he’d heard it before – it often gave him time to rest, even if it was only for a little while and not a proper sit down or nap – but given where the Advisors had come from it might be possible to get the jump on them instead of the other way around.

“Two Advisors are coming,” he signed. “Or are already here, waiting on the hanger roof.”

The smiles on everyone’s face dimmed. “How would you know that?” Eli, blessedly alive and well again, asked. “Not that I doubt you but… I suppose I perhaps shouldn’t ask.”

Gordon had considered telling them about his dying and resetting thing several times now but… there was no need to burden anyone else with his suffering or the news that he’d watched them die. And so it was indeed best not to ask how he knew because he wasn’t going to answer.

“I don’t see how they could possibly be here and us not know about it,” Mangusson said. “But fine, I’ll send someone to go look.”

“Send Dog.” If he could get the jump on one or both of the Advisors again, their chances were better. “I’ll go too. You,” Gordon indicated Eli, “stay with here with him.” He pointed to Kleiner.

Before Eli could try to protest or agree to the order, Alyx cut in. “You should listen to him, Dad. He knows things sometimes. It saved our lives on the way here more than once.”

“I’m inclined to agree,” Dr. Kleiner said, stepping up next to Eli. “Gordon did just kill a whole armada of striders after all. So if he says there’s danger and you should hang back, it’s probably wise to listen.”

Whether Eli even wanted to try to voice a protest or not, Gordon was already headed through the door. Alyx wasn’t far behind. As she paused to whistle for Dog, Gordon continued forward to the hanger. Upon stepping into it, it looked just as innocuous as it had before. No mental pulse, bringing a headache and distorted vision. Perhaps the Advisors were getting better at reigning that in. Unfortunate in that it meant it wouldn’t be as easy as Gordon had been thinking to know when one was nearby.

Continuing forward, he kept his eyes glued on the window the Advisors had seemingly come through. Not bothering with the elevator, he vaulted over the railing, landing with a clank on the hanger floor. He approached the helicopter.

Nothing… nothing… A loud clatter came from the roof. A moment later one of the windows shattered as Dog, clutching one of the Advisors came spiraling through it. Dog’s spare claw ripped at what looked like its face, pulling bits off, thick oil like blood oozing out.

“Holy shit.” Alyx’s voice came the right, seemingly by the entrance. “Gordon, you were right. Get him Dog! Fuck him up!”

Gordon pulled out and unpacked the rocket launcher. The second one had to be… Ah, there it was, floating through the broken window, perhaps giving chase. He loaded a rocket, aimed, and fired. With how close it was, there was no way it didn’t hit. … Except, moments before contact, the rocket veered, curving off to just barely miss instead. Damn it. Fighting these things wasn’t going to be easy, huh?

The Advisor’s trajectory changed, coming quickly towards him instead. Pain pulsed in his head, his vision blurring. The rocket launcher landed at his feet with a clatter as a now familiar force pushed on his body. It locked his limbs to his sides as it forced him up against the wall once more. Struggling was futile but he did it anyway, thrashing as much as the telekinetic force holding him would let him. Which wasn’t much.

Somewhere Alyx shouted something and a gun went off. The Advisor made a pained sound as just for a moment, the force holding Gordon vanished. It came again before he could even finish falling, pressing into his chest and making it hard to breath.

He slid along the wall, his HEV suit scraping loudly against it as the Advisor moved toward the entrance and thus presumably Alyx. A moment later she was crying out again as she was pushed up next to him. And then they were moving again, the Advisor holding them against the wall as it moved towards where Dog was seemingly finishing off its companion.

Said counterpart Gordon couldn’t see particularly well from this angle but it was on the floor, partially deflated, its blood pooling around it as it twitched and shuddered. Atop it, Dog, seemed to deem he’d done enough before turning and… too late, the second Advisor was in range. Dog’s attempted leap towards it ended abruptly, leaving him hovering in the air, held so tight, he couldn’t move.

His form shuddered and shook for a second before with a ear piercing screech of tearing metal, his body tore apart and crumpled. The light in his eye dimmed and went out before he was dropped to land in a crumpled heap of metal and still sparking wires. No sign of movement.

“Dog!” Alyx screamed, struggling just as uselessly as when she’d tried to save Eli.

With a sigh, Gordon gave up, going limp as the Advisor’s supernatural grip would let him. He’d messed up again. For how much everyone revered him, he did that a lot. If anyone knew even the half of it, they likely wouldn’t look up to him so much. Hopefully his death this time would be fast.

The Advisor turned its attention back onto the two of them. It pulled Gordon towards itself. Good; watching Alyx die was always hard.

“Don’t you dare! Leave him alone!”

If the Advisor was even capable of understanding human speech, it showed no sign of it as its tentacle slipped out of it head towards Gordon. He would’ve told Alyx to look away but well… he couldn’t. Perhaps closing his eyes would be wise but he couldn’t quite bring himself to do that either.

It turned him, eliminating the temptation to look anyway by making it impossible to as it nosed at the back of his neck. Wet and slimy, he shuddered a moment before something sharp and needle like extended out of it, forcing its way through skin and bone. His whole body jerked with it, spasming in the Advisor’s telekinetic grip. Only for a moment as as all sensation vanished, leaving him utterly numb. A pressure built in his head, almost like it was about to…

Blinking open his eyes, he was back in the rocket control room. He flexed his hands, working the shakes out of them as he took deep breaths to steady himself as best he could. Curling up in a ball and crying about it never helped anyone. If anything, with how respected he now was, it’d make it worse. Also, he just plain didn’t have time to freak out about dying for the umpteenth time even if it was a new an awful way to do so. He had to stop thinking about it.

He’d failed again but he had learned something. The Advisors could be defeated and their telekinesis had a range, a seemingly fairly short one. So he just had to get the jump on both of them and stay out of their range otherwise. Easier said than done but it was far from the first time he’d had to do something seemingly impossible. With infinite tries anything was possible. … Hopefully he wouldn’t need infinite though. Dying sucked.

Once he had himself as in control as he could make himself, he knocked the back of the desk again, once more interrupting the chatter around him. “Two Advisors on the hanger roof,” he signed. “I need Dog to help take them out. You and you,” he indicated Eli and Kleiner, “stay here.” He turned and headed for the exit.

“Wait. How do you know that?” It was Magnusson who asked this time.

Gordon didn’t bother to respond.

“We should listen to him,” Alyx said as he paused at the door, holding it for her. “He knows things sometimes. It saved our lives on the way here more than once. So we’ll handle whatever it is, don’t worry about it.”

“I’m inclined to…” Kleiner began, the rest of his sentence being cut off as the door closed behind Alyx.

She whistled for Dog as they came to a stop a short distance away. He came bounding over from wherever he’d been waiting for her. “They’re on the hanger roof, you said?”

“Yes. I want Dog to throw me at one of them while he jumps the other.”

“Uh… that sounds dangerous. Are you sure?”

“Yes.” Dog had proven twice now that the Advisors couldn’t use their telekinesis when too distracted. Gordon just had to do the same thing Dog did and they could kill both… theoretically.

Alyx frowned. “How do you know that? I mean… you were right about other times the Combine jumped us, yeah, but this is awfully specific. Not that I don’t trust you but… you know.”

If Gordon were to ever tell anyone, it’d be her. Her knowing would be helpful in some instances but… as long as she continued to trust him and would do as he asked without an explanation, he wouldn’t burden her. Dying over and over to prevent the true death of others was his trial to endure, not talking about it made it easier to bear. So… “Trust me.”

“Okay.” She sighed and turned to Dog. “Dog, there are two Advisors on the hanger roof. Gordon wants you to throw him at one of them while you jump the other one. Can you do that?”

Dog shuffled as he nodded, seemingly eager for action. Hopefully when all this was done Gordon would get a chance to finally chat with Eli about Dog’s construction and how sentient he was. Such peace seemed impossible to reach but… hopefully one day it wouldn’t.

Reaching back Gordon unhooked the crossbow from his back and unfolded it before handing it to Alyx. “Stay back. Shoot from a distance.” He handed her a bundle of bolts next.

“Got it. Good luck.”

“You too.” He turned and climbed onto Dog’s back. He locked the fingers of one hand in place just in time to not fall off as Dog took bounding off towards the hanger.

~

Another death and then another and another. It was not the most painful of deaths to have his brain sucked out but the violation brought its own horror, making it among the more unpleasant ways to die.

The next attempt ended with both Advisors dead but Dog was busted and broken beyond repair too. A robot, yes but… how sentient was this robot? Enough to be worth saving? Seemingly so. But more importantly, Alyx was fond of him, reason enough to save him but also, said fondness had rubbed of onto Gordon and thus he lifted his pistol and shot himself to try again.

It was three more attempts before finally, finally the Advisors were both dead without bringing anyone else with them. As with many battles, victory had largely come down to luck.

Panting for breath, Gordon shot the deflating body of the Advisor beneath his feet a few more times, emptying the rest of his loaded shotgun shells into it. Its blood was thick and in the context of being in a hanger looked not unlike motor oil if not for its source.

Reloading the shotgun, he strolled over to the other side of the helicopter. Dog was atop the other Advisor’s body. It was pounded flat already, clearly dead, but just because he was mad, Gordon emptied a few shells into what looked like where its face had once been anyway. These things sucked, pun intended.

“Holy shit, Gordon, that was awesome.” Alyx said as she ran up, still holding the crossbow.

Gordon took a hand off the shotgun to give her a quick, “Thanks.” Not for the compliment though, it hadn’t felt awesome in the least, but because this attempt wasn’t a flop solely due to her getting into position just in time to to hit the Advisor and break its telekinesis before Gordon could be forced to drop his gun again. Having a companion was endlessly a thing to be grateful for. He would move the world for her if she wanted him to.

Her having no idea the depths of what she did for him though, he didn’t express that sentiment as he instead started back for the hanger exit. He had to double check and make sure everyone was alive and thus he was free to continue.

~

Cleaning up the Advisors’ bodies took some time as did sending teams to patrol the whole of the White Forest base, making sure no more unwanted surprises had made their way in somehow. But once done with that, there was a rush to start getting the helicopter ready for Gordon and Alyx to leave as soon as possible before something else went wrong that might jeopardize their mission.

No time to waste with proper rest, there never was. It was always one thing after another, endlessly. They had a whole alien army to fight, a world to save. And it had to be Gordon because in everyone else’s eyes he could consistently do and survive the impossible without much issue. But even if everyone knew the truth, he was still the best one for the job based solely off the fact that with infinite retries he could ensure the outcome he wanted even if he had to suffer for it.

But if Eli, Kleiner or anyone else Gordon cared for died while he was away, he couldn’t undo it, not as easily anyway. Something that had always been the case but after watching Eli die, it now seemed more of a prevalent threat than ever before. Making the prospect of leaving difficult. But alas, this power of his gave him the best shot at reaching the Borealis and then hopefully using it to get the Combine off Earth. Or to follow Eli’s warnings and destroy it before someone else, such as the Combine, could use it. He would decide when he got there. Regardless, he had no real choice but to roll with it and let Eli bundle him and Alyx with enough supplies and equipment to hopefully get them to the Borealis.

“No Dog, I’m sorry, you can’t come,” Alyx said as they stood by, waiting for the helicopter to finish being loaded for their journey. “You have to stay here and help Dad and the rest of the resistance, okay? They need your help and uh, you’re too heavy. We gotta travel light as we can to stretch our fuel as far as it’ll go.”

Dog shuffled and did the robot equivalent of a whine, the panels on his head pulling back as if wilting. Alyx patted his head. He leaned into it, indicating once more that he was capable of feeling in some capacity, even if it was perhaps only emotional. … Gordon would’ve loved the chance to have worked on him with Eli.

“I’ll take good care of him,” Eli said. “And I’m sure he’ll take good care of us.”

“And you two take care of each other,” Kleiner added. Having had time to finish monitoring the rocket he’d come out to the hanger to see them off. “We’ll be in radio contact with you as much as we can but it’s a long way so I’m not sure how much that’ll be. So mostly you’ll have to watch out for each other.”

“Well we made it this far together, so I’m sure we’ll be fine.” Her optimism was admirable. Even if from her perspective everything had gone well, there was still so much that could go wrong.

“And remember, once you reach the Borealis don’t jump right into activating it. I still think its our best shot at winning this war but that doesn’t mean don’t be cautious about it. Try to figure out what it does first if you can.”

“And if you can’t figure out what it does, consider not messing with it at all.” Eli gave Kleiner a pointed look. The two of them were going to argue about this more once Gordon and Alyx left, huh? Hopefully it wouldn’t cause too many problems between them.

“We’ll figure it out once we get there. But I guess uh… this is goodbye for now. Gosh, I can’t believe I’m the one being sent on this. Not that I don’t wanna go but…” Alyx threw her arms around Eli. “I’ll miss you guys.”

“I’ll miss you too, sweetie.”

Pulling back, Alyx hugged Kleiner next. “Uh… yes,” he said, adjusting his glasses as he pulled back. “Be sure to come back safe as quick as you can. Bring Gordon back too if at all possible.”

“Of course I’ll bring him back. What do you mean if possible?”

“Well I mean, after the Black Mesa incident, when he killed the Nihilanth…” Kleiner trialed off as he glanced at Gordon. “You know.”

Grimacing, Alyx turned to look back at Gordon too. “Oh yeah, huh? Um… I know you guys said I don’t need to know but I think I’ve earned the right to be told why and how he was frozen in time for twenty years, especially since I’m going with him on this and thus might have to try to stop it from happening again.”

Damn! That was possible, wasn’t it? To hide his flinch, Gordon took a step back. Once done here, the man in the suit might put him back into the void until he was needed for another job. One he couldn’t refuse because the alternative was death which he came back from. The vortiguants had seemed to pull him out of the man’s hold but… how sure was that really?

He had to take a series of deep breaths to stave off the sudden need to reach for something to steady himself; there was nothing around to grab. That was something best not thought about. He could only hope for mercy at the end of this. Surely he’d earned it, right? The suited man might not care though because why would he? Gordon was just a tool to help accomplish whatever his mysterious goals were. If so there was nothing he could about that so he had to stop thinking about it. He had to finish this first, worrying about what would happen after would only make that task harder. No more thinking about that or anything else. Only what was right in front of him mattered.

“A man in a suit, huh?” Alyx was saying as Gordon focused himself back in the present. Damn it, they were still talking about him. “Does he have a… briefcase?”

“You’ve seen him.” Eli grimaced, more angry with this confirmation than shocked as he was when he’d first learned of it.

“Maybe, I don’t know. It feels like I might’ve had a dream about him or something. What does he want?”

“We don’t know,” Kleiner replied. “We have a few theories but we don’t have time to go over them right now. You two have to get going before something else comes up. There’s no time to waste.”

Another round of hugs between them, this time Alyx hugged Dog too. “We’ll talk more about this once this is all over though, got it?” She then turned and started for the helicopter.

Before Gordon could finish turning to follow, Eli stepped towards him. “Take good care of her, please. Keep her safe.”

“I will, I promise.” Gordon wouldn’t dream of doing anything different.

“Thank you.” Eli took another step towards him, opening his arms for a hug.

Gordon couldn’t properly feel it through the HEV suit but… it took all his willpower not to cling to it in desperation. The comforts of physical touch had become foreign to him. And so even as brief as the hug was, it still almost brought tears to his eyes by the time it ended.

“Take care of yourself too.”

Gordon couldn’t promise that, not with how often he had to turn his gun on himself to reset time to save someone. So instead, before he did tear up anyway, he turned away and headed for the helicopter.

From there, it wasn’t long before they were getting ready to take off. Since neither of them knew how to fly a helicopter and thus couldn’t be trusted flying all the way to the arctic, a pilot by the name of Mori joined them. Gordon was offered the passenger seat but declined, choosing the back instead. There was more room to lay down, something he really needed. Surprisingly Alyx joined him, sitting in the row of seats across from. “In case you need to say something to Mori,” she said in way of explanation without even needing to be asked.

“Thanks,” he signed. Her talking for him was probably wise.

“All right,” Mori said from their spot in the cockpit’s driver seat. “Headsets and seat belts on and then we’re off to the arctic fast as we can go.”

Gordon put the headset on – being able to hear them even when the helicopter was running was important after all – but didn’t buckle in. Instead he lay down, using one of their packs of supplies as a pillow. It wasn’t comfortable but that didn’t matter, he hadn’t had more than three or so hours of sleep at a time since the night before the resonance cascade, technically more than twenty years ago. So he was going to sleep as much as he possibly could on this flight.

~

Next Chapter

[relevant-url-incoming]

Since one of my favourite things in fanfic is writing tropes that force characters to look at their own character development and how things have changed (amnesia, time travel, de-aging...) and since I shouldn't/can't/probably won't write a different thing for all my ocs (don't think I haven't thought about it, rip). Here's a little list of what kinds of things each character would experience in a story like that and what would freak them out the most about who they become:

Kitiver is really easy, since he'd be deeply horrified by his own fall. The fact that he's still recognisably anxious and still friendly to the people he trusts makes it hurt worse, really, because in his mind it drives home just how close to a fall he is. He's also very, very confused by the fact that Alliance Era him is married to some spy, like. He never really thought romance would be a thing for him and now there's future!Kit getting all touchy and soft over a dude but apparently that had nothing to do with his fall, either? Lots of panic attacks and existential crises in this hypothetical story.

If this is a story where Kaoja meets her future self, she doesn't know why future!Kaoja smiles so much. If this is one of the other options, everyone else is very uncomfortable around her because young Kaoja is so grim and controlled. By the time of the Alliance Kaoja has a husband and a daughter, and her relationship with her kid is extremely fraught for Reasons I'll save for another post, meaning young!Kaoja is walking around like "why does this child hate me???" and nobody wants to tell her because trouble with loved ones has always been the button you don't want to push with her. (Her daughter would have a whole slew of fucked up feelings about the situation, too... oh god i want to write it.)

Exchei is much the same person she was, but her surroundings/circumstance are so vastly different she would feel like she just did a bodyswap. Being on the Dark Council? absolutely insane, no way that's her. All these people who claim to like and trust and obey her? She believes them, or she wants to so badly, but the sudden influx of them makes her feel like there's some ulterior motive to all this. She resorts to seducing anyone she halfway likes the looks of, because if people think she's sexy or are trying to get something out of her that means they like her for a reason. Andronikos takes this in stride, though he proceeds to scare the shit out of her by talking about feelings while the sexytimes are happening since for him that's just normal. Talos is, understandably, deeply appalled. This confuses Exchei even more because why does he like her then

The funniest thing about Rig (funny-sad but also funny-this-is-your-own-fault) is that at first he wouldn't notice a major difference. Still working as a bounty hunter. Still alone. Now he's got clout, apparently, and his childhood best friend is a Sith Lord so good for her, but he doesn't seem to have changed much. Then people keep dancing around certain subjects when they talk to him. Then he meets people who see him and switch directions, people Exchei tells him used to be on his crew. Then someone he's never met before gets mad at him for missing a memorial to Torian, who he also doesn't know he knew, but from the sound of it that's just how this person expected him to act. He starts to see holes, the shapes of people and things he gained and then lost, and maybe if we're very lucky he actually introspects about why that might be (not fucking likely. sigh.)

[snnydcysarch]

GETTING TO KNOW YOU .

respond to the following prompts out of character . then , tag 9 others that you'd like to get to know a little bit better .

ROLEPLAYER NAME: lumi

ROLEPLAYER PRONOUNS: she / her

MUSE NAME: allison jade "sonny" munroe

PREFERRED COMMUNICATION: discord if we're mutuals, especially since tumblr eats my ims

EXPERIENCE: i want to say 2012??? i was a baby and should have NOT been here jkbsjgbrekj

PREFERRED ROLEPLAY TYPE: yes

PET PEEVES & DEALBREAKERS: am i about to copy and paste my list since i have done this before? you bet your ass i am

plagiarism. whether it be a character or a plot idea, don't steal from anybody. people work hard on their characters and plots. i understand not many plots can be considered original, but everyone comes up with their own twists. stop stealing.

white washing. as a poc person, i have dealt with a lot of racism both irl and on tumblr. it was to a point i took two years off of this hellsite. so do not change a poc character into a white one. we've been erased as it is. and if you struggle trying to match a character to its race, do not feel afraid to ask someone for help on it. there are also websites that show you an fc's ethnicity as well.

not knowing where the line is between mun and muse. they are two completely different things.

god modding. for the love of all that is chuck, do not control what anyone else's character does!! we all control our own characters and that's how it should be. this also means doing something crazy that someone else may not approve of so if you want to do something, ask first.

force ship, simple as that

anon hate. seriously, that kind of negativity should never be welcomed nor encouraged. we all come here to escape as it is so just let everyone have fun writing.

people acting better than others. i'm sorry but no one is superior over anyone else.

lack of communication. we're all grown adults here. if there's a problem, just communicate.

trash talking someone's portrayal. realistically, we all interpret canon characters differently than others and that is okay. no one's version is right or wrong. no one is the "chanel/walmart" version.

shit stirrers. people don't get along sometimes, it happens. but don't be someone who fuels the fire between two people when all they wanted was to clear the air and talk.

rushing people to reply and shaming them when they don't reply fast enough. everyone has real lives and can't always get to it. now a simple nudge to let someone know they replied maybe weeks later just in case they missed it is fine. but if you're going to put pressure on people? stop.

using mental health as an excuse to be a shitty person. many people here suffer with different kinds of disorders and that is no one's fault. but that does not mean it's a pass to be a horrible person. you choose how to treat people around you. you choose whether or not to be a good person.

i can go on and on, but we don't have time for that so here is the rest of the list on the top of my head: self victimizing, ignoring triggers, trying to control your rp partners, bullying, not understanding that rping is a hobby and not a jobby, lack of respect for female characters both canon and oc, ect.

PLOTS OR MEMES: yes. honestly i like memes to start things off that lead into plots. so yes.

LONG REPLIES OR SHORT REPLIES: literally depends on my mood rkbsgjrekbg i like short things that lead into long things.

BEST TIME TO WRITE: when i'm not depressy and burnt out kjrebgsjkrbe

ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE: we have similar traits? we both go out of our way to help people before we burn ourselves out. we both get treated poorly by the people we are close to fml. we're both very clumsy. she's also not afraid to stand up for herself, which i have been better at. she will fight for those she loves and same. we both can't flirt for shit. however, sonny is A LOT nicer than me.

TAGGED BY : @lupaeus

TAGGING : YOU X 9

[patternscolorsflowers]

Ick...

TW/CW: Disordered eating, bodyshaming, abusive relationship, toxic headcanons, minor "Flight of Icarus" spoilers

____________________

So, I saw on Twitter today that some Eddie Munson self-insert girlie had made some post (that was thankfully poorly received) about how they see Eddie in regards to his relationship with women, his type, and how he would treat them, and fellas, I've gotta say, it was NOT okay. Just...50 shades of disturbing.

Now, before I move on, I just wanna say, you're obviously free to hc whatever you like with whatever character(s) you like, but imo, there comes a time when a hc is so far off the rails from what/who a character is, that you're basically just creating an oc, and uh, this was definitely one of those times.

Essentially, the post insinuated that Eddie would not date/fuck fat girls (coming from a fat girl, I don't see this preference as being inherently problematic) but the post went so far as to say that Eddie has a "magic number" and would "force girls to weigh themselves for him" before taking them out, and "if they're over that number, he's done," and would never be seen associating with a girl who wasn't skinny unless he "pitied them."

I'm sorry... what? Tell me you have NO CLUE who Eddie Munson is without telling me, you have no clue who Eddie Munson is! 😂👎

Eddie, the safe-haven for the socially ostracized, who canonically hangs out with and uplifts those who don't fit society's rigid molds, is 100% not judging people (friend or partner) for their appearance, and he certainly isn't going to abuse them by shaming them for their weight or humiliating them by forcing them to 'weigh in' to have a chance at dating him.

On top of this, if we're factoring "Flight of Icarus" into the mix...Eddie is canonically willing to move Heaven and Earth to keep anyone he vibes with, trusts, and opens up to in his tiny circle, especially if they throw him the slightest scraps of affection or approval. He even talks about how two typically pretty girls he hooked up with in the past used him for story fodder ("to tell their friends what sleeping with The Freak was like") but none have ever genuinely been interested in him; he doesn't have the luxury of being super picky, even if that was his characterization.

Eddie is shown to have serious issues with self-confidence, self-worth, believing that he's worthy of love, and generally struggling with how he wants to be perceived and in some ways accepted. I genuinely believe that as far as romance goes? Eddie doesn't have a set-in-stone type. He's willing to give anyone a chance if they seem genuinely interested in him and aren't on the Hawkins bandwagon, placing judgement on him because of his father.

His entire story revolves at its core around being loved and figuring out how best to love himself. After losing his beloved mother, and subsequently being left with a parent who, at best, always puts him second, and at worst, actively puts him in danger to achieve his own ends...you're telling me that this love-starved kid is picky enough that he's not gonna be seen with a girl over an imagined number, or, that he's going to go out of his way to plant those same seeds of self-loathing in someone else?

I'm sorry, that take REALLY just bothered me. Eddie is a sweet, charismatic, passionate weirdo who loves fiercely, and actively doesn't want others to know what it's like to feel unloved or publicly judged. This is why we love him. If you only like him for his appearance, cool, but maybe do a few seconds worth of insight to his character before penning these gross hcs about him.

Whoever penned that hc, I genuinely hope you get the help you need, because it's obvious that it comes from a place of deep insecurity and self-loathe. Have faith in the idea that Eddie would love you just for being your most genuine self.❤️

[ceapa-mica]

The Choices We Make | Chapter 3: Got My Mind Set On You

{cross-posted on ao3} {masterlist}

<- previous chapter next chapter ->

Pairing: Imperial!Crosshair x Tholothian!OC

Warnings: depressed!Crosshair, angst

Word count: 2945

a/n: Welcome back and happy Bad Batch eve! Let's watch Crosshair's and Zarees relationship grow. Building trust is nothing that can happen in a couple days, there will be ups and downs, especially with Crosshair's mental health issues.™

Knock knock knock���

Crosshair couldn't believe his eyes the next day when he was shooting targets at the range and there was nobody else but Zareena Kovas standing on the other side of the transparisteel window.

How the hell did she get here? She doesn't even have clearance to this floor.

Crosshair put his firepuncher aside and opened the door.

"Hey Crosshair, I'm-" Before she could continue he had pulled her inside, looking both sides down the hallway to assure himself nobody had seen them, before he closed the door.

"What are you doing here? Who let you on this floor?" he asked in a sharp tone.

Her mouth opened and closed several times and she didn't look him in the eye. "Y'know, maybe I borrowed this little thing walking past one of those uniformed guys." She held an access card in her hand, one that only military personnel of a certain rank owned and which disappearance definitely wouldn't go unnoticed for long. "I wasn't sure if their rank was high enough for me to get here. I didn't see you at the mess hall this morning and I-"

"Get down!" Crosshair roughly pushed her to the floor, gesturing for her to stay there. At the same moment three troopers walked by the window.

"When they see me here with you, we're both in trouble! What were you thinking?!"

"I was just trying to tell you! I'm sorry about what I said yesterday. I- I was mad at you, mad at myself and the whole situation. I overreacted and it won't happen again."

Crosshair grabbed her arm maybe a bit too firmly and led her out of the shooting range and into a storage room that contained hundreds of rifles and blasters of all kinds.

"I'm really not looking to get you into trouble, I swear-" Zaree stammered.

"Save your words for someone else, kitten." Crosshair was conflicted and thought of a plan to get her off this floor without looking suspicious. "You need to get rid of that access card. Give it to me, I put it on some other trooper. And… we're gonna need these."

He grabbed shackles from his bag and held them out for Zaree to take.

"You want me to look like a prisoner? How do I know I can trust you?"

He put on his helmet. "You can't, but there's no other way for you out with a chance of not getting actually arrested."

To any unknowing individual they looked like a trooper and a prisoner. Nobody would bat an eyelash at them, so they both hoped. Crosshair waited until the hallway was clear and led Zaree back to the elevator. As the doors hissed open, two TK troopers were inside, stepping aside to give the clone and the prisoner some space. Crosshair grabbed the access card, giving it back to Zaree who understood without words what she had to do since one of the trooper's was standing right beside her. The next moment she struggled against the shackles, stumbling right into the TK Troopers while yelling expletives at Crosshair.

"Hey! Trooper! Keep her under control or we will!" one of the TKs spat at Crosshair. She used that moment to slip the access card into the holster of the Trooper, only to calm down and put on the facade of a compliant prisoner. The troopers left the elevator at the next floor and Crosshair and Zaree hoped nobody else would join them.

On the ground floor they had to take a different, non restricted elevator down to the basement levels. When the doors hissed open and the humid air of the basement hit them, Zaree let out a sigh of relief, and another one as Crosshair freed her from the shackles.

"All this trouble just to apologize to me?"

Zaree shuffled her feet on the spot and didn't look him in the eye. "My behavior was unacceptable and I didn't want to leave such an impression on you. I like you, Crosshair. I didn't want to throw away what can grow our newfound friendship."

Crosshair rubbed the bridge of his nose in annoyance. "If you do that again, I will not save your ass. Consider this a warning."

Zaree nodded and they walked to the maintenance room, continuing their conversation as soon as the door fell shut behind them.

"Are you allowed to leave the facility?" she promptly asked.

"I'm still on sick leave until next week or so." Zaree looked at him expecting a definite answer. "Clones are not allowed to leave military facilities unless they are on shore leave. That doesn't include sick leave though." Crosshair explained.

She clapped her hands once in excitement. "So a sneaking out mission it is! If you still want to help me, you could accompany me when I go visit Lyle's family this evening. I need to take a look at their financial records in order to completely understand what we're dealing with. Unfortunately Lyle didn't tell me all the details."

Crosshair rolled his eyes. "Why can't you go there alone?"

"It's the underworld, genius. Seedy place with even seedier people. You're a good shot, I know because I've watched you at the range for a good minute. Can't hurt to have someone with me who knows how to aim."

He leaned against the door and crossed his arms, considering her plan. "Keeping you out of trouble seems like a full time job, you know that?" He hated the idea of leaving the headquarters. But what he hated more was the thought of being alone with the ever growing emptiness inside him. He preferred having some company over that, even if his company talked way too much for his liking and had a talent for getting into serious trouble. Her curiosity was so… irritating to him, part of him wanted to grab her shoulders and talk some sense into her. The only reason he didn't was…well why didn't he? That's what he asked himself. Why was he letting her get away with all this?

Crosshair showed up at the maintenance room at 0500. Zaree's eyes widened as she took him in. He was wearing his armor and carried his firepuncher rifle, looking like he was about to go on an official mission.

"Are you crazy?!" She grabbed his arm and pulled him into the room where he almost stumbled into the cluttered durasteel shelf, shutting the heavy door.

She has a strong grip given how small she is.

"People in the lower levels are not exactly Empire sympathizers. Thank the Force I still have some civvies here. They belong to Lyle, but you seem to wear about the same size." Crosshair looked at the brown nerf leather jacket, and the black shirt and pants. "The good thing is, you don't really look like a clone… I mean like a reg. You can keep your shoes on by the way."

"How do you suppose we get out of here? There are guards and security cams at every exit."

Zaree had a mischievous spark in her eyes as she smirked. "Only the official ones that are on the map." With a wink she left the room so he could change, leaving Crosshair speechless. He wasn't sure if she was very brave or simply reckless and stupid. He already knew that the underworld of Coruscant probably couldn't be much worse than the darkest corners of his mind. That was one reason he had agreed to join her after all.

The civvies were the correct size, but the fabric felt strange on his skin. All he had ever worn in his life were the GAR and now Imperial issued blacks and duraplast armor. The leather jacket was a light weight compared to that. He didn't know if that was a good thing or not. He decided to leave his plastoid armor under the well-used looking cot for later, but he wouldn't leave his beloved firepuncher behind. It was way too valuable and in a way an extension of himself, at least that's how he treated it.

As he stepped out of the room he noticed that Zaree had changed from her Imperial jumpsuit into black skin tight pants, brown boots and a light brown nerf wool tunic. The jumpsuit had already accentuated her curves, but Crosshair couldn't help but stare as she picked up her rucksack. He knew that warm feeling in his gut from when he and the Batch had gone to 79s, where a pretty Twi'lek woman had made him feel the same. That feeling was, without a doubt, attraction, and he knew that he couldn't afford feeling this way right now. He realized that it must be this attraction to Zareena that clouded his judgment. Was it too late to call off their plan? One look from her blue eyes with that damned spark in them was enough for him to forget what he just thought.

What the hell is wrong with me? Focus, Cross! Don't let her see how she affects you!

He put on his typical scowl along with a new toothpick between his lips. He was curious where this exit was that apparently was on no official map. He followed her even deeper down a durasteel staircase to the lower floors. The air became warmer and more and more humid, and soon a disgusting stench lingered in the air.

"Of course it had to be the sewers." Crosshair wrinkled his nose as he spoke.

"No cams down here. I mean who would be crazy enough to use the sewers to infiltrate this place?"

They walked on a small path next to the stinking flow of sewage that consisted of slippery stones. Neither of them liked this one bit. With a flashlight Zaree went ahead. Everything in Crosshair screamed for him to turn around and get out of this situation, except for his heart whispering to keep going. And after several minutes there was a light at the end of the tunnel, a light so golden only a Coruscanti sunset could be. The view of the city planet at sunset was downright majestic. Lanes for starships and speeders alike as far as the eye could see. As beautiful as Coruscant was on its sky levels, the sewage fell into a dark abyss that stank of rot and decay, indicating that the lower levels were everything but breathtaking.

The small path by the sewage ended there, no stairs in sight. Zaree climbed up the duracrete bricks of the sewers until she was up on top, holding out her hand for Crosshair to take. He raised a brow and sighed exasperatedly, taking her hand in his. What he didn't expect was how she pulled him up with ease.

"What in the name of the maker do they give the maintenance crew to eat?" he asked with a little smirk forming at the corner of his mouth.

"Keeping my superiors' asses warm and the taps running takes some muscle. Don't get me started on the garbage compactor!"

Crosshair thought about what she just had said and frowned. "What those regs called you at the mess hall… There seems to be a story there."

"I'll tell ya once we're out of here. Try not to fall!"

Crosshair sighed and spat out his toothpick as he followed her. They climbed down multiple floors and went through several alleys so narrow, only one person at a time could fit through them. They were still part of the army headquarters complex. At last they squeezed themselves through a gap between two buildings where at the end a hole in a fence led to a busy walkway. Speeders zoomed past behind the railing and billboards on the skyscraper walls added color to the otherwise gray surroundings, many of them showing off Imperial propaganda. Unfortunately in a crowd of people consisting of countless different species, Crosshair was somewhat sticking out due to his firepuncher rifle.

"Come on!" Zaree beckoned him to follow her. He put on his usual scowl at the looks he received from the many passersby. He ignored them, focusing on what Zaree was telling him. "You're right, there is a story. One I would rather forget, to be honest."

"You…don't have to tell me." he clarified.

"No, you're my friend now, so it's okay. But don't you dare treat me like them!"

"I don't bully, I tease, and I don't think that's worth something to tease you for."

Zaree almost bumped into a male Pau'an walking in front of her as she turned her head to see a look in her new friend's eyes that she hadn't seen before. It wasn't soft per se, and it passed in the blink of an eye, but Zaree was damn sure it had been actual compassion. Crosshair cared in his own grumpy way, and that meant the Galaxy to her. So she recalled the bad memory as they walked towards an elevator to take them to the lower levels.

"It was five months ago. I was scheduled to look after an issue with the garbage compactor. Lyle had a pipe leak to take care of so I had to do it alone. It's usually a standard procedure. Quite simple. You wear a yellow protective suit since you have to climb through the garbage and fix the issue. On this day some nasty piece was blocking the mechanism on one side, so I pulled it out and… my foot got stuck and I couldn't free myself. The garbage compactor was set to run in ten minutes, so I screamed for help. Apparently I screamed so loud, some clones on the upper floors could hear me through the trash chute." Crosshair listened and watched as the elevator went down many, many floors. "They came looking for me, one of them stopped the garbage compactor just as it was about to do its work. I was still in a panic, feeling all dizzy. The situation overwhelmed me to the point where I stumbled through the garbage and… they started laughing. Instead of having enough balls to get in there and help me out they laughed… started calling me names, and they do so ever since. Sometimes I wish I had been squashed to death by that compactor instead of those…. those…."

"Shabuire." Crosshair added with a dark tone in his voice.

"Y-yeah… I guess. The thing is, one of them was wearing his helmet and recorded everything. Two days later a clone from a different batch called me names and… many more followed. Some of those remarks could even count as sexual harassment if you ask me."

With a hiss the elevator's transparisteel doors opened. As it turned out they were far away from even the faintest ray of sunlight.

Crosshair bit so hard on his toothpick at her last words, it snapped in half between his teeth. "I have a higher rank than them. I could influence the right people to punish them. Have them work in the trash compactor without any protective suits."

Zaree smiled warmly and fell into step with him. "I'd rather let them keep their hands off the compactor. That machine is my area of expertise. I bet those… what did you call them? Shabuire? I bet they don't even know how to use a screwdriver."

Crosshair chuckled at the way she pronounced the Mando'a term of insult.

The walkways were dark and barely any speeders were flying through the lanes, and the few they saw were complete rust buckets. The few passersby gave them harsh or fearful looks and they could feel the eyes of people and creatures hiding in the many shadows of corners and alleys. There were a few shops here and there, most of them were already closed at the time, doors sealed with extra large locks. It was a seedy place and Crosshair was as observant as he was on a battlefield. Nothing and nobody could be trusted. The ventilation caused a mild breeze of warm disgustingly humid air that moved the flimsi litter on their way around. Most of the dull gray buildings were apartments, and Crosshair thought that his dark room at the headquarters was better than this. At least it smelled better than the smell of sewage and piss that penetrated his nose at the moment.

One thing he noticed was how self-assured Zaree walked in front of him, as if she could knock out anyone coming out of the shadows to threaten her, and he wondered if she was actually capable of that. She was stronger than she looked and her spunky attitude caused a storm of butterflies in his tummy which he tried hard not to acknowledge. He needed to focus on the task at hand, which was to keep her safe. That's why she asked him to join her after all. The dark gloomy feeling oozing out of the hole in Crosshair's heart was becoming less, as if someone - a certain young Tholothian woman - was putting pressure on it to keep it from making him depressed. He was depressed, that he realized now and it was the only feeling that day he decided to acknowledge, with the intent to manage this mental state of his. An enhanced clone like himself didn't give in to an emotionless void in his heart. He had a feeling that helping Zareena was a good first step to distract his mind and maybe good things would come his way. He had been in countless battles before with a 100% success rate. The battle in his mind was different, but a battle nonetheless, one he intended to win at all costs.

<- previous chapter

a/n: I hope this chapter explained a few things and I'm already working on the next one!

[luesmainblog]

1000x i wish THIS experience on newly discovered systems rather than the one that I had. while i'd had two headmates since a very young age, i'd been keeping myself comfortable by just saying they were imaginary friends or ocs. so when i started to realize what was actually happening, the dam broke so to speak, and i was suddenly flooded with a mountain of evidence that i was "insane". and THAT framing of it - the idea that there is something WRONG with being plural, that it is shameful and awful and nothing to celebrate - put me in a mental position where my new headmates, some of whom were still getting used to existing, had to try and keep me calm and tow the line between proving they're real to me but trying to reassure me that i wasn't crazy. this all happened DESPITE having grown up with decently positive system rep. DESPITE having such a close relationship with my existing two before. i actively relied on my childhood headmate to reassure me that the others were actually there, because i couldn't for the life of me tell if i was making it up.

and for YEARS after this, whenever a new one would show up - whether they were freshly formed or had been here for ages and just didn't say anything - i had full-blown panic attacks. i was AFRAID of being the Fake Huge System With Too Many Popular Characters, given how many of them are introjects.

and yknow what?? it sucked!!!! it sucked for ME, it sucked for THEM, it sucked for my partners, it was not a healthy response to how my brain functions and keeps itself ALIVE.

and MAYBE if i hadn't had SO MANY PEOPLE gatekeeping systemhood, we could have skipped some of that. maybe if i didn't have to worry about both what singlet society would think of me AND what fellow systems would have to say, i would have accepted my family a lot sooner.

romanticize the fuck out of it. i'm tired of all our rep being upsetti spaghetti horror shit or "fixing" us at the end and i'm heartbroken for my past self and everyone else who's had a late bloom period define by anxiety and feeling like your grasp on reality is falling apart.

and you know what??? it IS fun!! it IS cool!! it's GREAT that i am never alone! that no matter what happens in my life, i have people who CAN'T abandon me! that if i'm too tired, i have a herd of people who can step in and do it FOR me! that i've had so many new reasons to learn about the world, for my headmates' sake! that if i'm feeling completely unintelligible, i have someone in my brain who gets it because We're In The Same Hardware! that i can be all by myself and still cook with someone, still watch movies with someone, still have dumb idle conversations to fill the time!

it doesn't matter what kind of struggles we come across along the way because we live like this. it's good that we are the way we are. it's good that i'm not alone anymore.

"Stop romanticizing DID/OSDD and treating it like it's cool or fun!"

Actually how about no.

So something we've been thinking about lately was our syscovery. We speedran communication and acceptance. The first two headmates we knew about went from "What if we're a system?" to making out on the headspace couch in like, 2 days. Doubt died in like, 2 weeks to a month later. We discovered everyone already in the system after maybe 6 months? Maybe less, maybe more (hehe memory issues). Every therapist we've talked to about our system (okay so 3) has commented positively on our communication and system goals.

This isn't a brag (although we are pretty proud of this). No it's something we've on and off been examining to figure out why. Were we lucky? Are our barriers weaker? Did we make it all up and give ourselves DID?

What we keep coming back to is that opening line. We did romanticize it. We did treat it like it was fun and cool. We came at it with excitement and enthusiasm and curiosity. Faye abandoned all claim that the body and life were hers alone, embracing the weirdness and opportunity of being plural. She welcomed the idea of sharing it and having headmate friends. All of those things that "diminish, belittle, and trivialize" people who "really" have a disorder.

And the funny thing is, we don't deny this disorder at all. It's not all sunshine and rainbows. It never was. There's internal abuse. There's memory issues. There's trauma. There's fucked up shit.

But we think we got a head start on all of this work by thinking it's cool! We eagerly listened for our headmates' voices. We reveled in switching. We built headspace for fun and only found "real" uses for it months or more later.

So idk, maybe no, treating it as cool and fun isn't harmful. Maybe it's something that can help. Maybe some system out there can build some trust and safety internally with this approach.

[comicaurora]

Do you believe self insert characters are a good thing or a bad thing and do you have any in your comic

I think they're a difficult thing to write well. I also think there's a difference between "I put some of myself into this character" and "this character is supposed to be me" - the first is a half-step off from just "write what you know" and is pretty much the only way I know of to write actual deep characters, while the second is what I would classify as a proper self-insert.

In my experience, most people's image of themself would be utterly unrecognizable to the people who know them. It's just a matter of perspective - our view of ourselves is colored by the fact that we have limited omniscience of all our own thoughts, feelings, motivations and darkest impulses, while our view of everyone else is purely external. You may know someone as a stand-up, kind, friendly person who likes the same shows as you, but in that person's head they're an insecure mess who's quietly convinced they destroy everything they touch. You might know someone as a cruel, obviously insecure bully who lashes out at everyone around them, but in they're head they're the noble perpetual victim of a grand conspiracy designed to ruin their life. You may think someone is prickly, easily annoyed and dislikes you, but maybe in their head they're totally chill, like you just fine, and just have a slightly blunt attitude.

What we consider our own most important traits are most likely not what other people would think about us. And that's not to imply that there's any sort of consensus on that front. One person might think you're kind and reliable, another might think you're loud and obnoxious, a third might think you're beautiful, a fourth might hate you on principle. Ultimately we're all just people with our own perspectives and biases, and every individual person will have constructed their own image of you in their head. Your image of yourself is just filtered through a lot more internalized nonsense than anyone else's, so while person A and person B might be able to reach a consensus opinion about person C, person A and person B might have irreconcilable disagreements about person B's deal. Person A insists person B is good-hearted and fun, but person B knows every dark thought, crushing embarrassment and terrible day they've ever had, and thus disagrees with A's assessment.

So when someone starts making a self-insert, they'll usually construct a character that simultaneously does not resemble them in any meaningful way and inadvertently tells us far too much information about who they are as a person.

I'm reminded of this video about a book where the protagonist is described by literally everyone he meets, friend or foe, in every possible context and with little to no prompting, as "big", which is the number one way to make me suspect that the writer is, perhaps, not as tall or something as he would like to be. The character is also a college student described by everyone as having an "old soul" and, coincidentally, the attitudes and general vibe of a man who lived through the 1960s and thinks the world has gone downhill since then. This is the kind of thing that makes me suspect that not only is this writer insecure about his height, he is also insecure about his age. (The plot twist in this video is the book was sneakily ghostwritten - by a woman - and the author whose style and name it is emulating has been dead for nearly twenty years - but I feel like the point still stands.)

When we build a self-insert, typically what we do is we construct some combination of the character we think we are and the character we wish we were. Rather than showing off all our deepest, darkest insecurities about our traits by putting them in this character that is meant to be us, we bury those traits. Very conspicuously. Are we deeply insecure about our height? Every character our OC meets will comment, admiringly or snidely, on how tall they are! Are we worried about our looks? Everyone our OC meets will comment on their beauty, either in jealousy or admiration! Do we think our fashion choices make us incredibly sexy and cool and intimidating? Let's describe our OC's outfits in exquisite detail and highlight how everyone who dislikes them is just scared at how cool they are! Do we want everyone to respect our intellect with unquestioning admiration and stop ignoring us, calling us nerds or asking inconvenient questions? Our OC will be such a turbochad megagenius that nobody will ever talk back to us - I mean, them - because they'll be too busy picking their jaws up off the floor!

I think this makes sense, because an insecurity is like an open wound, and building a personal insecurity into a fictional character - one where literary criticism aimed at said character will feel personally targeted at you - is an exercise in self-flagellation. If I'm worried I'm ugly, and then I make a character who looks just like me, and then people call them ugly, that's a nice way to externalize all my worst nightmares and reinforce that evil little voice in the back of my head. But if I make a character who looks just like me, and everyone else in the story reaffirms that this character is beautiful and desirable and they're all falling over themselves to love this character and reassure them that they're beautiful, that puts a nice ablative emotional buffer around the insecurity I've baked into this self-insert.

But it's also incredibly obvious. One of the most unrealistic things that can happen in any story is to have every character agree on something. Even if half the characters in this story dislike the self-insert, if the reason they dislike them is they're just too gorgeous - it's just weird that every single character would have an equally strong opinion about this character's looks. Most people don't care that much. Even if someone likes how you look, in most cases it's a casual "cool that's broadly inoffensive to my eyes" assessment. It just feels weird. This is a hand-of-the-author situation where the author's thoughts and intent actively distract from the audience's immersion in the story and other characters.

And on a broader note, the hardest thing about writing a self insert is the urge to dictate how everyone else feels about this character. This is a natural impulse when you're writing a character with so much if your own ego in it. Ultimately we can never truly know how others perceive us, only how we perceive ourselves and how we hope others perceive us. If we want people to think we're cool or pretty or dark and brooding, our self-insert is liable to inspire those feelings from literally everyone else in their fictional universe. Writing about ourselves puts a filter over our senses, a whole mass of artificial blind spots we don't deal with when our own ego isn't in the way. We want people to see us one way, we fear people seeing us the opposite way, and it doesn't even occur to us that people might see us in a million different ways that have nothing to do with what we personally consider most important.

And that means the supporting cast is going to seriously struggle when interacting with our self-insert, because they're probably going to be trapped in a binary of opinion - love or hate, admire or fear. Maybe in real life one friend loves you for your sense of humor, another for your kindness in times of stress, a third for your skillful ability to plan outings and trips, a fourth for your 3 AM memes in the groupchat - but in fiction land, your self insert's focal traits are going to be what you think about yourself the most. Everyone caught in the gravity well of this character's personality is going to fixate on how attractive or strong or cruelly victimized or "cool" the OC is, because, as mentioned, this is a way to spackle over real insecurities, which is a kind of pain that almost everyone deal with. Rather than a diversity of opinions and intercharacter relationships, everything flattens, making both your self-insert and their supporting cast feel one-dimensional and hollow.

When the question in play is "how do people see me", the answer is going to be very emotionally loaded, and the odds that the author has enough ego to instead ponder "how should people see me" or "how do I want people to see me" are very high. When the question is "how do these characters see each other," the artificial emotional weight vanishes and the question can be pondered with clarity. The writer's own self-worth is no longer being pinned to the fiction they're writing, and without that burden, the characters can expand and become three-dimensional.

So I have nothing against self-inserts on principle. I think they're a fun form of escapism and exploration and people write them for a reason. I just think they're almost impossible to write well, and in order to actually write them well, the author needs a degree of separation from the character and from themself - an ability to laugh at themself, no points of crushing insecurity that they feel disruptively defensive over, nothing they desperately need fiction or reality to externally validate. And that's totally doable! There's a happy medium between self-aggrandizement and self-deprecation, and people in that zone tend to be good comedians and overall chill people. Everyone's got some ego and everyone's got some insecurities, but they can be worked down to manageable levels, and once the writer's in that headspace, they can totally have self-inserts. But they probably still can't put them center-stage.

There's a self-insert in Girl Genius that I think is a good example of how this can work. In-universe he is strongly implied to be the person telling this story way down the line, and he pops up every once in a while on the fringes of the story. While he's absolutely not plot-central, he actually has had minor impacts on the story!

For instance, in this bit of the story he cameos during a rescue mission, and it turns out that he is in-universe one of the character's descendants.

And in a brief cameo later on, a major character uses him to sneakily transmit a coded message that has major ramifications on the plot.

He's a joke character, he's a full-blown self-insert, he's absolutely hilarious and I love it every time he shows up. I think a lot of what makes him work where other self-inserts fail is that he doesn't feel separate from the story he's in. The plot doesn't bend around him, but he's also realistically integrated into the story, neither standing apart from it nor so far in the background as to be completely irrelevant. Whenever a wandering storyteller is needed, he can feature organically.

Anyway this got way longer than I meant, but. yeah. I don't have any full-on self inserts but I could probably work one in someday.